#i am reverting to my primal state
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The Ones Who Live | 1x03 - Bye
#I AM ABSOLUTELY FERAL#Rick Grimes#*#rg#The Ones Who Live#towl spoilers#SCREAMS#would let him raw me in a rusty rundown gas station that looks like it belongs in deliverance or the hills have eyes or somethin#no censoring we die like men#i was gonna blame daylight saving time but i'm just like this#i clearly need him in a way that's concerning to feminism#and my general health it appears#im willing to get gas station tetanus#i'd be walking like i'd ridden a horse for 500 miles#until we're fined for disturbing the peace#what a majestically gorgeous man#that face is the actual iron throne#i'll start the war to sit there#i am reverting to my primal state#i want him to build me a house and a fire and father my children#i don't like kids#but i'm about to make like that time i played Life and had so many kids i had to get an extra car#as long as he will protect and provide for them#i need to go to bed
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is it a real problem or are you trapped in your mind?
this one goes to my anxious girlies
the past few weeks I've been extremely trapped in my mind, ruminating whether someone would backstab me or whether a friend would leave me and of course there is no evidence of that in real life, it's all in mind. that being said, deep down i know that nothing would happen and im sure deep down you all know as well that nothing would happen. but the what ifs are so strong that you can't handle yourself practising the law.
this doesn't mean you can't manifest during this time, we always manifest, just now you can consciously manifest things you want. e.g. I wanted a psychic message from someone and I received it; I got money when I needed it; I never wait for public transport even if the app shows that it is coming in like 30 minutes (because we don't pay attention to 3d). I've noticed my anxious and extremely intrusive thoughts never manifest, especially after learning the law so I don't want you to be scared of your own mind. You, as the supreme being and consciousness ARE your mind but your mind is not you. In the grand scheme of things, the mind is unreal so what would the "3d" listen to? Some jumble of anxious fearful thoughts that do not exist except from when you aware of it or the command of God themselves?
all in your (unreal) mind:
don't punish yourself, stop harming yourself by trapping yourselves in your mind. simply drop the thought. if you find that hard, you can work on it by eliminating the possibilities but from experience, that still never makes the fear go away. the fear is so primal, so noticeable that the only way it feels it can go away for me is if I end everything and thats not good right? why would God be a victim to her character's thoughts? Why wouldn't God just change the garment?
The hardest thing is to just ACCEPT. "Just accept you have it" was the hardest thing for me to apply because soras entire life was just finding every possible solution for the worst case scenario in case people hurt her or I am seen in a way that doesn't represent her (aka being misunderstood). See how i am using her and sora to describe things I experienced? It's because I have the POWER to completely eradicate any trauma or any pain by just choosing to adorn myself in another state. I am not sora but sora is me, therefore I have control over soras experiences. You are not a victim to your circumstance, when you find the law you have the power to create your own life, you create new circumstances by adopting a new version of yourself. You are in control no matter what the unreal mind says.
breathe in, breathe out:
Excuse my language but honestly fuck the mind???? It only knows what it has learned from its surroundings and you are above the surroundings so why would you listen to such a limited thing?
Do you think if you dismiss the thoughts you won't be prepared for what you think is about to come? Do you feel you constantly have to be on defense mode protecting yourself either from physical or emotional harm?
I understand, I was the same way and sometimes I still revert back to it. However the thing is, who is creating whats about to come? YOU ARE! Don't you get it? Nothing can happen without your consent (once you accept your power of course). You are not a victim to circumstances. You are never the receiver, you are always the creator. Bask yourself in lovely states with lovely thoughts. It is okay if you do not believe it or if your body is resisting it, just please persevere. We can't let anxiety win. What is anxiety to a God?
our negative beliefs falling after we disown them:
Read this by Edward Art
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guys i am literally in the shower right this very second and i was in deep wallow mode (just got a b on a math test and am kind of freaking out) and i was playing oh no by marina and the diamonds because it reverts me back to a primal state and my alexa’s autoplay played small town boy next. IM SORRY I DONT EVEN LISTEN TO SMALL TOWN BOY ON MY ALEXA WHAT ARE THE ODDS WHATS HAPPENING
edit from lucy about ten minutes later: THE VERY NEXT SONG THAT PLAYED WAS TAKE ME TO CHURCH. AND THEN GET THIS- THE NEXT SONG WAS POLICY OF TRUTH BY DEPECHE MODE (who i’ve talked about wanting to do the season five soundtrack)
I FUCK YOU NOT AS I TYPED THAT LAST BIT HEAD OVER HEELS CAME ON. IM BEING DEAD SERIOUS.
THIS ISNT EVEN FUNNY
edit from lucy five minutes later:
guys. running up that hill is playing. this whole time the only song ive skipped is 365 by charli xcx and even that is highkey byler coded if we think about the cast going to her concert. this is a social experiment i swear to god.
edit from lucy ten minutes later:
she’s back to playing generic pop but i swear she was going insane for a second there
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I think too much, gotta put like a cap on my thought limit. Going on a diet for thoughts, I can only have so many at a time. Whenever I go over my thought limit, I will be revert to a primal state like a feral coyote eating trash in a suburb.
*It is 1:30 am and I am very tired*
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𝓞𝓒 𝓘𝓷𝓽𝓻𝓸: 𝓜𝓮𝓵
(ID in ALT)
“Freak you say? Well, that’s really rather rude. I happen to consider myself quite beautiful. Beauty, as they say, is in the eye of the beholder after all,”
A creature that found themselves on Earth to reverse the corruption of nobility and restore the connection between the divine and the people. =============🔷🔸🔹🔶=============
🔷 Full Name: Melikora
🔶 Age: 26
🔷 Gender/Pronouns: Agender/Any but will mostly be referred to with she/her
🔶 Sexuality: Pansexual
🔷 MBTI: ENFP
==============♤♡♢♧==============
♠️ Likes: Exploring, Learning new things, finding new hobbies, most animals
♥️ Dislikes: Capitalism, small spaces, insects, swimming, cliffs/heights
♣️ Strengths: Charisma, Emotional intelligence, Adapts quickly
♦️ Weaknesses: Her charisma can turn to manipulation (sometimes she’s intentionally being manipulative but sometimes she genuinely doesn’t realise), Tunnel vision, Can be quite fake (not on purpose)
🃏 Extra info: She writes in a diary almost everyday. It helps her collect her thoughts and sort through what she remembers and what her heart tells her. It will eventually be where she writes about her thoughts on the main plot. Below the cut is one such entry which is around 5 years before the main plot.
(Plain Text below)
[Plain text:
Dear diary,
I’ve now been here for 3 months. Which leaves 3 months til first complete assimilation into humanity. It’s odd. A weird middling thing where I am certainly not human. Humans do not have wings nor gills. Nor more than one set of eyes. Truly pitiful creatures. Except I’ve also lost my divinity. I can no longer see people coming from a distance nor breathe under water. If I was to remove my heart again, I’d likely die. Something or another about interrupting divine intervention and interfering with the equilibrium. But before that, I’d revert back to my divinity. It amuses me to think that the divine is considered perfect. It’s certainly perfect. 15 pairs of eyes, antennae, gills, teeth sharp enough to kill, 9ft wingspan etc. As I stated, perfect. For life in the forest, murdering any pathetic animal that crossed my path perhaps. Or maybe to cement myself as the most abominable creature to roam the streets. Not for interacting with society at large lest I get thrown into a freaks show. Or killed. Unfortunately, my perfection is more primal. Perfect hearing, sharp teeth, flying out of situations, swimming out of situations. I’m never one to complain, this form has its benefits considering I am in the forest til I present a bit more ‘human’ which will likely be for a few months yet.
P.S
3 months have passed. I’m as human as can be. My teeth are still sharp but not unnaturally so. I can no longer breathe under water and I stay away from ledges and high cliffs lest I trip with no wings to save me. The eyes that reside on my skin and not my now nonexistent wings have faded into faintly magical runes that decorate my skin. Through cosmetics and and a particular sense for deception I easily pass for a human. Except, of course, in all ways that truly count. After all, I still am yet to learn the art of charisma and flattery; a skill that not all humans possess yet proves useful in the day to day. It seems I need to do some practice firsthand. Both humanity and divinity have their advantages and disadvantages.
P. S. S
The irony in which I called humans ‘pathetic’ creatures when I, post metamorphosis, have not a penny to my name and are relatively powerless in the capitalistic struggle of this life, is not lost on me. ]
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YOUR DBD AU…. DBD SCAR…. i’m foaming at the mouth i’m going feral i’m going crazy i have reverted back to my primal state i i am levitating and turning into a ball of pure energy GOOD CHRIST…. i’m so excited for more thoughts omgomgomg
YES!!!!! YESSS!!!!! welcome to the club anon that is exactly how i feel all the time i am frothing at the mouth in delight and excitement
a few lil fun facts just for you mwah mwah
dbd scar is officially titled The Conman and also he’s very very touchy with reader
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My King Tribute Fic | The Boar’s Den
A very considerate follower made me a fantastic fanfic that coincides with my My King universe!!! @tinkerbell-has-chlamydia dedicated her time to create this masterpiece of a story and asked me to post it here to share with you all. Please give her some love and read this story. You won’t regret it. All credit goes to her. The only thing I can take credit for is beta reading this masterpiece.
You considered your life to be very blessed, even by the standards of a Queen. You enjoyed the privileges that belonged to a lady of your status, but suffered very few of the entrapments that often followed it. The food you ate was always fresh and well prepared, but you were never forced to eat what was laid out for you, or forbidden from eating what you wanted out of fear that it would ruin your figure. The clothes you wore were tailored from the highest quality fabrics in the world, for you alone, and yet you always took charge in how you dressed, and by extension, what your day would consist of. You lived in the very castle that young girls dreamt of when they heard tales of brave knights and beautiful princesses, but you were never restricted as to where you were permitted to go. You could roam freely and enjoy your home and all that came with it, especially the training grounds which you happily frequented.
Above all, it was your husband that you were most grateful for. It was he that granted you all of these liberties. He gave them to you freely, and without hesitation. He took on your discomforts, your burdens and your displeasures as if they were his own and always made it his personal task to help you in any way possible. You admired his tireless efforts to give you everything you desired, both as a queen and as a wife, and you always made sure he knew you appreciated those efforts. There were times where you were even convinced that you lived the perfect life.
This was not one of those times.
You had been standing in a single room, that you could not leave, for hours on end dressed in quite possibly the most frivolous (and hottest) garments known to womankind, all while your hunger grew to almost unbearable proportions. However, what you hungered for was not food. It was the man sitting on the oaken throne before you, draped in furs and skins of wild beasts, with his copper and onyx circlet set firmly above his brow, listening to a tailor from a nearby village drone on about the prices of cloth compared to the price of thread.
Drew had been on campaign for the past month, leading his men in battle against a rebel, who was calling himself the True King. He did call himself that. Now he would find it difficult to call himself anything with his head no longer belonging to his neck. Drew had also captured the rebel’s two generals. His sons, the traitor’s only living heirs, and he had imprisoned them; fully intending on executing them once the two revealed any and all plans for further rebellions.
Nevertheless, the King’s long absence did have an effect on the realm’s day to day operations, and although you pride yourself on how you maintained your keep, the villages surrounding your castle needed their King. It had been mere minutes between Drew coming home bloodied and bruised, dragging the traitor’s two gigantic sons by their chains, throwing them in the castle’s dungeon, trading in his armour for regal clothing, and taking his place on his throne to hold court. The only interaction between your husband and yourself was when Drew presented you with the sword of his fallen enemy, and placed a chaste kiss to your lips as you welcomed his return in the courtyard with the other nobles of the castle. But even then, you were in such a... dizzied state for seeing your husband again that you allowed that sword (which looked rusted and dull) to cut your thumb ever so slightly. But above all, even though it was short and mostly for the sake of appearances, that kiss he gave you was all you were able to think about as you stood on the balcony of the great hall with the high ranking ladies of the court gazing at your husband’s profile as he tried desperately not to fall asleep.
All you could think about was how much Drew must have been holding back when he kissed you in front of all those people. How much he wished he could just rip your clothes off, taking you then and there. You knew that when you embraced him after he dismounted his horse and proclaimed to the people that their King had returned a hero, he was desperately wishing that your hands were scratching down his back as you heralded him in a more excited and primal manner. You knew that when the people around you cheered, he imagined the clapping of their hands to be the pounding of your bed-frame against the stone wall.
You knew he was imagining it all, because you were imagining the same exact things. Though there were many, many great privileges to being Queen, being made love to by the King was by far the greatest. You were unsure of other wives, but when Drew let you know that you were to be bedded that night, you felt nothing but pure lust until he fulfilled his promise. Even when he was injured (which was often) he still managed to please you, powering through his pain to give you pleasure… and he always seemed to find his as well.
It was odd, though. No matter how much you desired your husband, no matter how much your body screamed for him to be inside you, no matter how much you wanted to make him feel the same way he made you feel, you always reverted back to a shy, tentative young girl when you were in his arms, just like you were on your wedding night. Drew had some other worldly effect on you that prevented you from initiating intimacy. Not fear. You had never felt afraid of him, but there always was this… hesitation. This expectation for him to take control, as if there were no other option. It never really bothered you, however. With the way that Drew took control over you, there never needed to be an alternative.
As you stood there, suffocating in your ridiculous dress, watching the dust float through the sunbeams penetrating the glass of the windows inside this dry, wooden hall, you nearly hallucinated the scenes of what awaited you that night. You discretely swept your tongue across your bottom lip to only find it as dry as the air around you. The only source of moisture that you could sense in the entire room was pooling itself between your thighs. Every time you shifted your stance in a futile attempt to give your feet more comfort, you were sure that everyone in the hall could hear the sopping noise that it made. Your... wetness had trickled itself almost to your knee at this point, and it was completely unbearable.
Then, if by some miracle, the tailor stopped droning on long enough for Drew to interject that something or other was to be done about his issue and that he could leave the court knowing that he had been heard. Then, the tailor bowed and left. He left. The demon that had been preventing you from heaven has been vanquished.
“One petitioner more. After him, this forum will be continued tomorrow.” Drew’s booming voice echoed across the hall. You swore that you heard everyone give a sigh of relief. As a page left to usher in the final person, Drew turned his head so that his eyes met yours. His devilish smirk met your beaming smile as he slowly nodded to you as if to say, “I know, my Queen. I know how you’ve missed me, and very soon, I’m going to show you how much I’ve missed you.”
Then, Drew draped his arm over the side of his seat, and grazed his fingers over the engravings of it, in perfect view of you. His hand danced a bit more until it landed on a tiny gemstone, no larger than the bud of a flower. He then slowly swirled his fingers around the nub before shifting his muscles and pressing in on it for just a moment, before circling it again.
You sucked in a breath and held your stomach where you felt heat bubbling inside you. You bit the inside of your cheek and suppressed a moan. It just wasn’t fair. Queen’s shouldn’t be teased. Not like this. Your face hardened as you tried to stay expressionless. Drew smiled and turned his head forward again, still working his hand. He knew the hold he had on you. To everyone else, it looked like the King was absentmindedly fiddling with the etchings in his throne. But you knew better. You knew much, much better.
Then there was a bang that grabbed you out of your painfully bliss-filled trance. You turned your head and put your hand over your mouth. Not out of fear. Quite the opposite, actually. It was to keep from laughing. The man who had just burst through the door without waiting to be properly announced was shorter than yourself, and wearing a brightly colored… outfit, that no true Scot would ever don. You found the garment very hard to make sense of, so you didn’t bother to try. He wasn’t forced to wear it either, like a fool would be. By the way he took strides that his little legs shouldn’t have been able to take, he was very proud of his appearance.
You looked at Drew, whose mouth was slightly open as he stared at the little man who was barreling toward him. For the first time in hours, the King was sitting up at full attention. The walking curiosity stopped a few feet from the throne, dramatically bent his knee and gestured broadly with his hand.
“Your Majesty. Before I begin, I beg of you to allow me time to praise your grand victory over the vile pretender-”
“I am grateful for your praise, friend, and I’m sure that your words would move the ladies of the court to tears if they were to be spoken,” Drew quickly said. There were scattered laughs throughout the crowd. The little man just smiled and nodded. “But I must say that you entered this hall with such... urgency that I can say in full honesty... I would like to know your cause here today.”
At this point, Drew was leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and his hands under his chin. Not quite in a mocking manner, but in a manner of one who was asked an impossible riddle. The little man, however, was elated with the attention shown to him by the King. He stood up tall and proud with his bird-like chest puffed out.
“I am Slibhin Mac a’ Ghobhainn, and I am here to petition His Majesty for a company of royal warriors to assist me in retaking my home. My home... that was stolen from me... by my very kin.” Drew glanced at you, asking with his eyes if you and he were just sharing a dream one would have whilst they weathered a fever. You just shrugged your shoulders. Drew turned back to your guest.
“I must say, your request has been the most... ambitious one that I’ve heard today. But, I have to ask you how I can give you my men to reclaim your home when they have just returned from defending their’s.” Drew raised his eyebrow. The man called Slibhin stood back a bit, comically intimidated by your husband’s small gesture. Nevertheless, he persisted.
“I must confess, Your Majesty. This endeavor is not as… dramatic as I may have relayed.” He bowed his head in faux humility. “My father is… was... the blacksmith of your keep’s village, and with his passing, I should have inherited his estate and all intended incomes. However, my birthright has been… usurped by my… cursed sister. While I had been away on business these past few weeks, she has been, without my knowledge or consent, conducting transactions with the people of the town and has been calling my enterprise her own. Not only has she taken my means of income, but has destroyed my home and has turned it into a… boar’s den of the most unappealing state.”
Your ears perked up at the word “sister.” You had always had a great admiration for smithing, and had always fantasized about creating something yourself, though you kept this secret. Not even your husband knew... yet. When the image flashed in your mind that a woman was in charge of a smithy, it brought a bright smile to your face that you didn’t even attempt to hide. Drew, however, let out a breath.
“So, you are asking for the arrest of your sister?” You immediately frowned at that. You knew that Drew was compelled by his office to uphold the laws of the land, but… you both knew... just by looking, that the man before you had no right (other than virtue of his sex) running a smithy. Slibhin showed his smile again. The smile that had amused you at first now was the cause for your most sincere disdain.
“No, Your Majesty, that is not what I am asking for. You see, if my sister were to be arrested, then I would be without the means to make my fortune.” His smile deepened. Drew rolled his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. It was clear that as much as the funny dressed man was enjoying his showmanship, Drew was becoming agitated by it.
“My late father was very keen on having his skills transferred through his children. When I didn’t immediately become a prodigy under his impossible training regime, he turned to my sister who, in an overwhelming need to be praised by him, showed something resembling skill in the field. As much as it pains me to say this, I need her to perform her duties. I just need them done under my jurisdiction.”
“Well, if your father raised your sister to take over his business, what right have I to disrespect a dead man’s wishes?'' the King asked, crossing his arms over his chest. You smirked in a slight satisfaction over that. Even though you knew this had nothing to do with you, it somehow felt like Drew was defending you. Though you couldn’t explain it, you considered Slibhin, the petitioner, as an invader. As a threat. Not a physical threat, not at all. You were certain that even in your present state you could make him bleed. Heavily. It was his mind that you felt put off by. He wasn’t clever, not by any means, but his way of thinking (if you could call it thinking) somehow disturbed you. He just felt so… entitled. Though he hadn’t done anything outrageous, there was something about him you just couldn’t trust. You had hoped that Drew’s questioning would have somehow disheartened the small man, but he just kept… on… smiling.
“Your Majesty, like yourself, I am fortunate enough to have been wed this year...” He smiled and nodded to the space next to your husband. You gasped loudly. There stood your King’s cupbearer. A little girl with soft skin and wide eyes, no older than ten. It was a subtle nod, one that the vast majority court hadn’t seemed to notice, thank the Gods. But you had known what you saw, but you refused to believe it. Yes, she was the closest person to Drew and she was very well dressed, but surely no one could have possibly thought that she was their Queen, or that Drew would ever dare wed or… lay with a... child. Who looked at a child so young and innocent and thought: “wife”? Tears welled in your eyes. Drew leaned forward and inhaled to repute the gesture, obviously aware of what was implied, but Slibhin persisted.
“But I haven’t married just any woman. I have married the daughter of a Laird.” He said the last word as if he were sampling a rare vintage. “Through this union, I have acquired a status that supersedes that of any blacksmith, alive or dead. By both my birth and my diplomacy, I have the right to that smithy. Now all I need is... well, physical support to take what is mine.”
You could feel the veins in your forehead bulging as your eyes stung. You hated this man. Everything he said. Everything he thought. Everything about him filled you with a rage. He had insulted you and your husband. He believed his Queen was a child and his King was a senseless monster. More than that, he was stealing a woman’s right to work. Her livelihood. Just because he could. There was no way he could do this.
“Very well.” Your head snapped to your husband. Drew rubbed his temples under his circlet. “You’ll have some men to help you restore peace to your home, but that’s all. You cannot-”
“WAIT!”
Time stopped. Silence covered the room like a woolen blanket. Even the little gnats that were fluttering about seemed to be suspended in the thick, heated air. Every living thing in the world had turned into a statue, all with their heads turned to you, including Drew’s. Your face felt hot. Hotter than before, if that were even possible. You noticed that your hands were gripping the railing before you. So tightly, in fact, that your knuckles were the color of milk. You looked down at Slibhin. His smile was still plastered on his face, but his eyes were small and full of malice. You took some comfort in that you broke, if just for a moment, that boy’s jovial mask. It gave you the courage to speak.
“If I may speak on this-”
“Your King has already made his decree, my sweet girl.” said Slibhin quickly, hoping to put you down as swiftly and as kindly as possible. “I don’t believe he-”
Drew quickly stood to his feet, causing the floor to quake in the process.
“Your Queen has chosen to honor you with her words. I suggest you listen. Kneel, boy.” As if his legs were cut at the knees, Slibhin fell back down with his head bowed once more. You could see that the little man was sweating… heavily, and not because of the blistering heat. Drew looked back at you, his eyes filled with admiration and encouragement. You felt some kind of power in the bottom of your feet, anchoring you to your castle. Your home. Your seat of power. Air gracefully filled your lungs and you spoke.
“Perhaps it is just my female sensibility, or the fragile constitution that poisons my sex,” you said with an overly-sweet tone, so much so, that the ladies of the court tried to suppress their giggles, leaving the men confused, “but it seems to me that sending military force to settle such a small domestic dispute, even without violence, is very... uncivilized.”
You looked at Drew for support. He nodded slightly. “Well said, my Queen. What do you suggest instead?” You hesitated, but only for a moment.
��Send an ambassador. Someone to settle the matter diplomatically. I believe it would spare exhausted men more work, and inspire less resistance from the blacksmith.”
The court murmured in support of your idea, but you couldn’t help but feel disheartened. You didn’t want to send an envoy to solve the matter. You didn’t think there was a matter to be solved. Let the damn girl smith in peace. However, you knew that couldn’t be. The small, hateful man that knelt before you had a right to his father’s business... and his sister’s life if she were not yet married. You just couldn’t bear seeing a young woman dragged out by soldiers to be humbled before her brother; a brother that clearly bore her no love.
“It shall be done, my Queen. I can think of no better alternative.” Drew proclaimed, just happy that the matter was finally done with. “The crown will send the Laird of Commerce to settle-”
“I will go,” you said. “Today.”
Drew’s eyes widened. He turned to you and raised his brow. You did your best to not look directly at him, but instead kept your chin raised and your eyes on the frivolously dressed man. You knew what you had done. The place of the Queen was inside her castle, not in politics. Drew had allowed you some leniency just then, by giving you leave to speak, but that was just because he was so utterly exhausted. The repercussions that may fall on Drew for your actions were not lost on you. He could be seen as weak or incompetent. Your outburst could be seen as him allowing a woman, even if it was his wife, control him. You knew all of this.
But you couldn’t let this happen. Even though you had never met this smith before, you felt a kind of womanly bond with her. You didn’t have a plan for when you met her, or how you could save her, but you also had no plan to speak out a few moments ago. Slibhin looked back and forth between the two of you, hoping that the King would somehow intervene. Though you had never declared your intention to have the girl keep her forge, he could sense your motives... and he didn’t like them. You could tell that he was just waiting for Drew to silence or perhaps admonish you in front of the court… all with that damned smile on his face.
“I suppose you will be in need of an escort…” Your head snapped to your husband. He had a smile of his own. Sincere and cocky. “My Queen. I’d like to offer you my services.”
Your heart fluttered and you nodded. A collective giggle escaped from the crowd. Him doing this not only showed that he approved of your plan, but if anyone dared to oppose you, they would have to go through him first. On top of all that, his attitude was a playful one, showing he wasn’t bothered by your actions at all. You let out a breath that you didn’t know you were holding.
“The court is dismissed. Those in attendance will retire and I will go to fulfill my duties.” Drew’s voice boomed through the hall as the nobles and commoners alike scrambled toward the exit. The room emptied uncommonly fast either out of fear of their King, or because they wanted the ordeal to just be over already. It was most likely the latter. In a moment the only living souls left behind were yourself and Drew. Even the sniveling Slibhin was taken out and told to make his smithy ready for the royals’ arrival.
You walked down to the lower level to meet with Drew. The smile on his face hadn’t lessened, but it did change somehow. As soon as you were within reach your husband grabbed you and held you close. It wasn’t in a romantic way; it was in a very lustful way. Your face was forced into his chest. One hand gripped your hair while the other was pressed into your backside. Drew squeezed his hand and forced you to roll into his thigh. You tried to gasp, but found breathing impossible. The King lowered his mouth to your ear.
“I know what you’re trying to do, little one,” he growled. “You’re trying to torture me. Trying to make me wait. Get back at me for teasing you. But let me tell you something, my Queen.” He let go of your hair and tilted your chin to look up at him. Your eyes were glazed over and your mouth hung open at the sheer sensation you were experiencing. Drew continued, “I may be beaten down, but I still have the strength to take you. I still have the power to ravage you. I still have the endurance to turn you into a whimpering mess. The only thing I don’t have is patience to visit that little idiot’s house and watch you comfort some crying welp.”
Drew lifted you and placed you roughly on his throne. He leaned over you and put his arms on either side of your head, caging you. Your chest heaved as your breathing became erratic. Your husband captured your gasping mouth in a fiery kiss and you moaned unabashedly. After a few moments of bliss, you felt a rough, dirty hand slide up the side of your leg. It reminded you that just a few minutes ago, you could feel yourself dripping as you dreamed of this exact scene. But something felt wrong. Your head was swimming and your thoughts were scattered, but you knew that you had forgotten something. Something important.
“Welcome me home, my Queen. Not like that little farce this morning. Give me a real welcome.” Drew growled and bit your neck, making you hold in a scream of pleasure... and a small amount of pain… just the right amount. “Come on my love. I want to hear you.” By now his fingers were pushing into your core, threatening to enter you. “Tell me what you want. Tell me what you want and I’ll give it to you.” He was whispering now. In the midst of his beast-like state, he still found softness to give to you.
You felt guilty for what you were about to say. You loved your husband more than anything in this world and you wanted to give him what he wanted. What he craved, but…
“No, Drew. I have to go to that man’s house. I have to see that smithing girl. Today. I really truly have to... Please, let me go.”
Your husband froze. He didn’t even seem to be breathing. You swallowed and started to get up from the throne. Only then did Drew back off from you and in doing so, you felt his fingers leave your core. It was devastating. Drew stood to his full height and stared at you. His face was confusion incarnate. You got to your feet only to stumble forward and be caught by your King. Your legs were still shaking from what he had just done.
“Thank you.” You were barely able to speak let alone look at him.
“Are you serious? You actually want to go?” His voice didn’t have a hint of malice. But it seemed... small. Tears welled in your eyes as you nodded. The guilt you felt was immeasurable.
“I’m sorry. I just… I-I… yes. Yes I want to go… and I need to go now. If-If we, um… share each other now, I w-wont be able t-to think of anything else.” You shook, hugging your husband’s chest. “I’m so sorry. I want to give myself to you. I want everything to be perfect when we…” You couldn’t finish your thought. You looked up at Drew’s face, expecting him to be angry, sad, frustrated, anything like that. But the corner of his mouth was turned upwards and his eyes were sparkling. You went to speak before he rolled his eyes and let out a breath of a laugh.
“On we go then…” The King turned and lumbered away from you, shaking his head dramatically. “The things a man must do to bed a woman.” He spoke over his shoulder. “You’d think a King would at least have an easier time.” He stopped and turned to you. “Well? Are you coming?”
A broad smile covered your face as you ran to catch up with your teasing husband.
The first word that came to mind when you walked through your keep’s village was “quaint.” Compared to the village surrounding your father’s keep, this was a bustling metropolis, but that wasn’t saying much. Every building looked the same, some just slightly bigger than others. The people also looked the same… some were just slightly bigger than others. Everything was a different shade of greyish brown. With a few splashes of specific colors to indicate different shops. You could tell that these people were poor, but none seemed like they were “in-need.” They had dirt on their faces, but they also seemed to have food in their stomachs. The noises that you heard were dull but plentiful. Men grumbling about prices, old women sharing rumors with one another, big wooden wheels of food carts crawling along on the soft peat roads.
Luckily, your feet and the hem of your dress were safe from the filth. You rode on your horse a few meters behind your escort, your husband. Though he no longer wore his royal circlet, it was obvious to the village folk around you that he was their King. Everyone got out of his path. From the littlest children play-fighting with sticks to the largest men pulling wagons along because they couldn’t afford a mule, all stopped what they were doing and stared at Drew… from a safe distance, of course. You couldn’t help but feel prideful. You saw how the townswomen stared at your husband. How they lusted after him. They also must resent you for keeping him from them, as if they ever had a chance. You suppressed a giggle. All women wanted him, but he was yours by right. And you were going to lay claim to what was rightfully yours… very soon.
“Well, would you look at that,” you could hear Drew proclaim. You craned your neck as the King slowed up to leisurely ride beside you. This time, you couldn’t contain the laughter that burst out of you at the sight of the little Slibhin sitting in the dirt, dizzy with pain as blood steadily dripped from his nose. It was a lovely sight. Drew looked at you and raised an eyebrow. Your laughter subsided a bit as a hint of shame plucked at you. That was very unladylike. Even Drew, who resented the little man almost as much as you did was able to maintain his composure. Still… it was funny. You didn’t think much of it.
Drew dismounted and helped you off your mare. You looked at your surroundings. It consisted of hundreds of grey eyes fixed upon you. Some were trying to figure out who you were. Others were judging you for your outburst. Others still were looking on and wondering how a woman so small could lay beneath a man so large and not be flattened. You began to feel self-conscious and fiddled with your sleeve. You took in a breath to address the crowd before you felt the large torso of your King block out the sun as he stepped between you and the masses.
“Royal business. On with your day.” Drew grunted. Like ants after you pick up the slab they were hiding under, the people disbursed. You reached out and squeezed his hand in thanks before you turned to the building behind you.
Under a shoddy overhang, there stood a gigantic forge with multiple anvils, crafting tables, whetstones, and pieces of different metals and ores grouped together by size and type. Your first thought was that no one man could work this forge alone, let alone one girl. On the wall hung more smithing tools than you knew existed. Each one grimy and well-used. Even the wooden handles of the hammers seemed to be rotting, but you couldn’t help but admire how well organized everything was. As Queen, you were in charge of keeping the largest estate in the country in the best shape it can be, and even you could never be this organized.
You swallowed hard and looked at your husband. By now he had taken the reins of your horses and led them to a water trough. You watched as he sat on a nearby overturned barrel and looked at you. You gave him a weak smile, pleading for some gesture of encouragement. Drew smirked and replied by spreading his legs. Under his kilt, you saw his already glistening cock jutting straight out of a roost of thick, black curls. Slightly less noticeable were the black and purple bruises that seemed like knolls in the tree trunks that were his thighs. They had to be extremely painful, but he didn’t seem to care. Drew gave you a look. “Don’t take too long,” it said.
You turned and knocked on the wooden door in front of you. Slibhin gave a groan of pain and mumbled something incoherent. You just rolled your eyes. The big door creaked open a sliver and you saw two pale blue eyes meekly peer out. You blinked a few times in surprise before crouching to be level with them.
“Umm… may I come in? I believe you’ve been expecting me.”
The two beautiful eyes nodded before retreating behind the door to heave it open with both hands. This was not how you expected the visit to start, but now you were more curious than ever. You hiked up your dress, stepped over the threshold and entered the house.
This was a home. You could tell that these people were richer than most, but they put nothing they owned to waste. The chairs were cushioned, but with makeshift pillows that seemed to be sewn from very fine, but very torn silks. Suspended from the ceiling beams were little figurines of colored glass that others would put in a cabinet and never dare breathe on for fear of shattering it. They gave the house a comforting glow when the light hit them the right way. In the wooden support beams and rafters were etched runes that you didn’t understand, but liked to look at. They had little statues and figures carved from wood that must have been imported from somewhere far away, but they weren’t for decoration. They either had overcoats draped over them or cooking utensils in their hands. Expensive looking urns and pitchers had been stuffed with soil and sprouted mixed clumps of different wildflowers, giving the house a sweet, clean air. Everything had a purpose, and even fluffy, expensive furs that even the highest of nobles would keep locked away safe, were used as carpets and doormats.
You couldn’t quite explain it, but you felt… safe here. It was like a child’s nursery in a way. While you admired the house you were in, the door closed, and your ear twitched at dainty little ghosts of footsteps. You turned.
Standing there was a woman that was somehow even smaller than yourself. Her half-braided hair was so light that it appeared silver in the few beams of sunlight that filtered through the shuttered windows. Somehow, her skin was even more fair, with a sweet but extremely shy look on her face. If you were a child, you would have believed her to be a fae. She wore an extremely well made and expensive looking dress... that appeared to have the sleeves, collar, hem, (and practically all areas that caused discomfort in a woman) torn or cut and resewn. It didn’t restrict her in any way. You would be lying if you said you didn’t envy her. You silently cursed yourself for not changing out of your ridiculous gown before making the journey into the village.
It was only then that you remembered that you had come here to speak with a smith. You quickly glanced at the girl’s arms, noting them to be as weak and as elegant as a willow’s branch. Her fingers were small and lithe, like strands from a spider’s web. Her back and neck … unbent as if it were an icicle, not at all like the hunched over men you had seen working your keep’s smithy.
“My Majesty. I am having a great honor, now, to be receiving your person at my little homestead.”
You were taken aback by her broken speech, but her voice was absolutely beautiful... like the ringing of a bell. She got on her hands and her knees before you, a bit excessive, but you understood her intent. You began to question if you should reciprocate her absurd amount of formality.
“Arise, my good hostess. A woman should never have to kneel in her own home.” You gave her a warm smile, and after a pause she rose to her feet but kept her head down.
“Please have forgiveness for me, Highness. I am stupid to your traditions of the South.”
“You’ve done nothing wrong, sweet girl,” you were quick to reply. “I’ve come here as a friend. Please, don’t feel that you’ve insulted me.” The silver girl nodded understandingly, but her shoulders were still tense. You had never met this woman before in your life, but you desperately wanted to reach out and embrace her. To stroke her hair and whisper comforting words to her, like you would a frightened child during a storm.
“I believe you know why I’ve come here,” you gently pressed. The woman nodded.
“Yes, to discuss the business of this family. I am begging you, now, to possess a chair of mine.” You smiled at that. The way she spoke was adorable to you. You grabbed a seat and almost gasped as you sank into the cushion. It was just so comfortable. The girl moved to the chair opposite you as if she were gliding on a frozen pond, and nervously sat. A long unnerving silence blanketed the room until you were finally able to find your words. You deeply wanted to just get it all over with.
“I would just like to tell you that I do wish I could support your claim to your father’s forge. In fact, I- I admire you. Ladies are often not as… bold as you are about your talent.” You spoke about her “boldness” with great hesitation. You have never seen a more meek person in your life, but she must have some bravery in her. If you had learned anything from being the wife of the King, it was that people are not often as they appear.
The young woman tilted her head and furrowed her brow in confusion. You were afraid that she didn’t understand you and were prepared to repeat yourself in simpler terms, when you noticed her eyes widening. She flung her hand over her mouth to hide a gigantic smile as her shoulders bounced in an attempt to suppress giggles. While it was comforting to see your hostess joyful, you were the tiniest bit offended that her newfound laughter was directed at you.
“I am sorry. I am sorry, Queen. Do you… Do you believe that I am the smith?” Her eyes were playful and innocent. A wave of embarrassment flooded over you as all the color was drained from your face. Of course she wasn’t a smith. Any idiot could see that. Just lifting a hammer would exhaust her. The girl gestured to herself. “I am the wife.”
That sentence caught you by surprise and you looked up at her. Then you remembered that Slibhin had bragged about marrying the daughter of a Laird. She did carry herself like a noble, but… the way she spoke showed that she was certainly not a native of Scotland.
“Of course. Forgive me, but your accent…” you tentatively asked. The girl nodded.
“My mother was Norse. She raised me in the old language, being very prideful of her people and of her land.” Your eyes followed her right hand as it played with her left wrist. It was adorned with a pale silver bracelet. Obviously, it had a connection to her mother. “Yrsa,” you heard her whisper to herself, sadly. She took a moment before seemingly returning to the present. The girl continued. “She was for my Scottish father, a reward. A chained bride from conquest. His only desire was to breed savage boys with cold blood. And she did give to him two sons who were strong and brave and warlike... however he was plainly not content with my birth.” She kept looking at the bracelet, speaking as if you weren’t there. “It was his demand for her to swaddle me by the sea and have the waves take me… he sent my brothers along to witness my death, and to force my mother if she were unable to do it… but she did not do it… and my brothers did not force her. She hid me and when I was able, I played the role of a servant-girl. My brothers aided my farce.” She gave a weak smile. “I will now have been dead by his own hand if he had known of my living. By the time he was made aware of me, I was too old to kill quietly and I proved useful for marriages... in exchange for weapons and armour.”
She looked directly at you. Both pride and pain shined in her eyes.
“I am Sigrdrífa, my Queen. The fruit of a mother’s defiance and two boys’ mercy.”
At first, you didn’t know what to say. It was good that you finally knew her name, but you were at a loss for words. You only wanted to hear more of her story. Who was her mother? Was she still alive? Did she know that her husband was lying three feet from the door, knocked silly?
“Sigrdrífa... are you-”
Just then, outside, you heard a loud thump followed by a comical wail of pain. Slibhin must have been struck by something.
“This is the smith, my Grace.” Sigrdrífa muttered, almost amusedly. You were suddenly filled with an excited nervousness. This is why you were here after all. To talk with the smith. If she was anything like this little Sigrdrífa, this would be more interesting than you imagined it to be this morning, and you were imagining quite a bit. At least you would have an easier time understanding her.
The door was busted open with a kick.
“Oi, te’ foockin’ cunt’s still bleedin’ by te’ nose! Ah dun’t even use me good han’! Ah shoulda done tha’ years ‘go! ”
She was massive. Her body nearly filled the door frame, blocking out all the light. Her broad shoulders and arms that were left exposed by her leather jerkin were wonderful advertisements for her trade. Her head was shaved, and you couldn’t tell if the brown that sat on her head was stubble, or layers of ash and dirt that seemed ingrained in other parts of her skin. You suspected it was both. She had no indication of a womanly figure. Her clothes were clearly meant for a grown man, and they fit her perfectly. In one fist, she held the necks of several ducks.
She opened her mouth to speak again and froze. Her eyes were the color of newly unearthed ore with clumps of dirt still clinging to it, begging it to return to the ground. Rough and unrefined, but strong. You felt that her gaze alone was strong enough to knock you down, and it was fixed on you.
You smiled and stood, intending to walk towards her, curious, and only the slightest bit intimidated. That all changed when her once toothy smile was swallowed by her tightening lips. Her nose crinkled and you saw her jaw tighten. You swore you could hear her teeth grinding. She took her tree-trunk of a leg and kicked the door closed. You stopped before you could even take one step.
You suddenly felt yourself suffocating. Not like you were in the morning, with boredom and stillness, but you couldn’t find your air out of fear for the giant before you. You felt like a caged animal, not a dangerous animal that could fight back, you were something small like a hare or a field mouse. There was just no way you could do anything physical to her. The smith tilted her chin up to as if to speak over you. The veins in her neck were bulging, but she still stared at you.
“Te’ son ofa whore wun’t bluffin’. ‘E got te’ bleedin’ Queen… Ya let ‘er in?” Her voice was surprisingly soft. There wasn’t much anger in it, more like she had been slapped in the face… by someone who could actually reach. You looked back at the meek little girl you had just met. She stood up straight with her eyes locked on the smith, not showing one bit of fear. If anything, she seemed annoyed.
“She is here to be settling your business.” Sigrdrífa spoke slowly, as if explaining to a child. Patronizing. The big woman sneered and stared you down.
“She dun’t look li’e she’s ready to settle anythin’ wit me.” Your eyes moved to her free hand, where she used her thumb to crack each of her knuckles. Loudly. You gasped when you felt Sigrdrífa’s tiny hand grab your arm. She spoke to you.
“I give you apologies, my Queen. She speaks harshly for she fears losing her-”
“Ah’m naw ‘fraid. Notin’ ta be ‘fraid of. Et’s naw gonnae ‘appen.” The large woman continued to stare at you and raised her eyebrows, as if daring you to challenge what she had just stated. You heard forceful, purposeful footsteps come from behind you. You watched as your tiny protector marched up and met toe-to-toe with the mountain at the door.
“You are behaving as a boar does.”
“Ye’ eva jump inta a boar’s den? Tear ye’ foockin’ guts out, they will. Rightf’lly so.”
“You will lose your neck for speaking so.”
“They’re welcome te’ try ‘n take et.” She still looked directly at you, never breaking eye contact. A ghost of a smile played with the corners of her mouth. She was cocky. She knew that she could do whatever she damn well pleased to you. This was her den, and you had just stumbled blindly into it.
“Yer naw takin’ me forge. Et’s mine.” The smith just would not stop staring at you. Sigrdrífa pushed against the smith’s chest. Her porcelain skin seemingly red with anger.
“She has been sent here to keep the peace.”
“She’s been sent ‘ere ‘cos they don’ t’ink ah’d lay a hand on te’ Queen... Bu’ ah can, an’ ah will.” You felt faint. Your head swam in a freezing kind of heat. You wanted Drew here. You wanted him to barge through that door and rescue you. But you knew he wouldn’t. He only escorted you to keep up appearances as King. He let you walk into this house alone. He must have seen the gigantic girl walk in and kick the door shut behind her. He trusted you to settle things here. He wasn’t coming. If you screamed his name, the smith would still get to you first. It was up to you to save yourself, and you were too terrified of the scene before you to conjure anything that could remotely resemble a rational thought.
The smith saw this, and was loving every second of your horror and fear. She opened her mouth to say something else when the woman in front of her began to sob. For the first time since she saw you, the giant took her eyes off of you and looked down at Sigrdrífa, her face now immense with concern. She dropped the ducks in her hand and shot her arms up to hold the trembling woman. Sigrdrífa swatted her hands away and punched at her vest.
“You are not made of metal! You think that you are, but you are not!” The smith went to hold her again, but again she beat away her hands and continued to wail on the giant’s chest. “You will fight the whole of the King’s army? Yes? You will fight every soldier of this Scotland? You will kill every soldier of this Scotland? You will fight the King? You will kill the King?” The smith took in a breath to respond, but was cut off. “You will be KILLED! You will be dead, and I will wish to be dead!”
Sigrdrífa’s strength seemed to fall away instantly. Her hands stopped their pounding and fell to her side. She fell forward, directly into the chest of the monster, who immediately wrapped her arms around her, giving her the support that her wobbling legs failed to provide. Sigrdrífa’s shoulders heaved as she wept, and the giant just... held her. You couldn’t believe the scene that was unfolding before you. You didn’t know what to think. Sigrdrífa spoke again, her voice barely above a whisper. You strained to hear.
“You are selfish. You are selfish to try and fight the world. When you are dead, I will have lost all of me. When you are dead, there will be nothing to stop him-”
“No.” The smith spoke with a stern and clear voice. “‘E won’t touch ye again. Even if ah lose ev’rythin’ else, ‘e will never touch ye again. Ah promise, little one.”
Little one.
Your heart skipped a beat.
You immediately looked up at the big woman. Her eyes were fixed firmly on Sigrdrífa in a state that you instantly recognized. Her eyes were focused, but so soft. Her mouth ever so slightly curled in a contemplative smile, despite the dire circumstances. Her head was tilted to the side. Her breath was slow and even. She looked at Sigrdrífa the same way Drew often looked at you. Just after you caught him staring, and just before he averted his eyes, pretending he didn’t even see you. It was a look of utter adoration. Pure love.
Your eyes darted down to Sigrdrífa. Her posture was different than it was a few moments ago. Though she was still distraught, she sought refuge in the person she had just been fighting, as if she had nowhere else to go. She nuzzled her head into the smith’s chest, as if she was trying to disappear into it.
Everything clicked into place. Your heart sank. Sigrdrífa was married to Slibhin, the smith’s brother. A brother that she clearly had no affection for... and a man that clearly had no respect for his wife or his sister. They had found refuge in one another. The smith was unapologetic about her brutish nature in front of the dainty girl, and she in turn felt safe to scold this monstrosity of a human without any fear or hesitation. You quickly looked around the room again to recognize the oddity of it all. The unorthodox nature of it. They had taken useless, idle things that Slibhin had most likely purchased using the money that his sister made, and had used them to serve their own comfort, something that Sigrdrífa desperately needed. These two had made a home together.
And you were about to take it all away. You couldn’t do that to them. Even if one of them had just threatened your life. You understood why she did so. Drew would have done the very same thing if someone had threatened to hurt you. Actually, he wouldn’t even utter a word of a threat. He would just kill them then and there. You gasped and held your heart. If Drew knew that this girl had threatened you, she would be killed. You had to do something.
“I support your claim to your forge.” You felt your throat resonate with sound even though you didn’t even feel your lips move. You didn’t feel yourself rise to your feet and take several steps toward the pair, but that’s exactly what you did. Though the smith’s attention was still on Sigrdrífa, you saw her eyes rise up to meet yours. They were red and threatening tears. Somehow, this gave you confidence. You had to take advantage of it.
“Also... no one sent me here. I demanded to come here and settle this matter myself.” The smith stood to her full height once again, but still held the girl. Sigrdrífa turned around in her embrace, wiping her eyes in shame of her outburst. Both of them, waiting for what you were going to say. For the first time since entering the house, you felt like the Queen.
“I may be willing to forgive you for your childish threats if you sit down and let me speak.” Your back straightened and you lifted your chin. In a way, you were trying to emulate Drew when he spoke to his undisciplined recruits. Sigrdrífa gently pushed the smith’s arms away from her, as if they weighed nothing, bent over and gathered the ducks off of the floor, holding them in her arms like a newborn. She took small, slow steps towards you.
“My Queen, may I ask you to pardon me? I must be preparing these for supper.” Her voice quaked. She was completely embarrassed. You felt pity for her. She was most likely the most gentle woman you have ever met, and she was thrown into the middle of all... this.
You nodded and gave a ghost of a smile. She bowed her head and retreated to the fireplace. She sat in a rocking chair and began plucking the feathers from the ducks. The chair and fireplace were extremely close to the table. She was well within earshot and could easily talk business with you, but you understood that she just wanted to disappear. You at least could give her that courtesy.
You looked back at the smith at the door. She was walking toward you, but stopped in her tracks.
“Ah was just gonnae sit down. Ah wun’t gonnae do nothin’ else.” She put her hand up, as if swearing an oath. You had to suppress a smile, keeping your regal composition. Even though you were touched at the big woman’s devotion to the smaller one, and even though you desperately wanted them to live happily with one another, free from the little monster that plagued them both, you still were the Queen, and you had been not only insulted, but threatened by your subject. It was your turn to be intimidating, even if your target was just a stubborn, rough, protective giant. Just like Drew.
“Sit down.” She almost lunged to the seat opposite you. The ground shook with her every step. Even when she was seated, she towered over you. Frankly, you still had trouble believing that she was really that big. You took your own seat. She folded her hands together and hunched forward, clearly trying to show that she was listening. However, in doing so, she took up most of the table. To answer this, you leaned forward yourself and watched in glee as she retreated into the back of her chair. This time, you did smile. Proudly.
“Tell me why you should keep your forge.”
“Ye said ye s’pport me claim.” The big woman was tensing up again. She knew she was being toyed with, but she could do nothing about it.
“I do, but I only support your claim because I don’t want to support your brother’s.”
The smith smiled at that. A broad, toothy smile like the one she wore when she first entered the house. Her teeth were square, and she had a small gap between the front most two. Just like Drew. She was delighted that someone hated her brother. She looked into your eyes, hoping that you would return her smile, and lighten the mood somewhat. You didn’t return anything. Defeated, the smith cleared her throat and spoke.
“Ah’m te’ furst born. Ah’m from me da’s furst wife. ‘E said I’d ‘ave te’ forge when ‘e died… ‘E died. ”
“When did your father die?” You tried to formulate some sort of timeline. You didn’t know what for. You knew you shouldn’t get involved too much in their family affairs, but curiosity got the better of you. The large woman hitched her thumb back at Sigrdrífa..
“Same day Slibhin brought ‘er ‘ere. Died in ‘is sleep,” she huffed and rolled her eyes, clearly insinuating that that was not, in fact, the way her father truly died. But surely there was no way to prove any foul play. When a dying old man finally passes, nobody really questions why, or how. You got your thoughts together. So Slibhin brought back his wife and then his father ‘died in his sleep,’ meaning that she never truly had power over the forge. It had just passed from her father to her brother. But something wasn’t lining up.
“Then… when did you... take control of the smithy? I mean, why is your brother begging for help now?
“Te, King an’ soldiers wen’ off te’ war. Nob’dy te’ enforce it.” She looked at you like you were stupid. You weren’t sure if she realized what her facial expression was offensive or not, but you didn’t like it. Your cheeks grew hot at that insult, but you didn’t pursue it and further.
“So you’ve been in the head of the house for about… one month?”
She nodded her head. You opened your mouth to ask another question about the previous whereabouts of her now unconscious brother, but the smith cut you off, already knowing.
“E’s been livin’ in a whorehouse fer te’ past month. Anythin’ else? Can ah keep goin’?” Her patience was wearing thin, and even though she didn’t intend to scare you, you felt fear creep back up into your chest. But before you were able to even inhale to steady yourself, you heard the faintest sound of someone clearing their throat. You looked back up at the giant woman, who looked confused in turn. You saw her turn in her chair to meet Sigrdrífa’s gaze.
The smaller woman didn’t say a word, just narrowed her eyes, pursed her lips, scrunched her nose and gave the smith a curt nod. The universal way a wife signaled to her husband that he was being inappropriate. The smith’s head lowered and she let out a big sigh, causing her shoulders to loosen and drop. Her hand went to rub the back of her neck in embarrassment as she slowly turned back to you, not daring to make eye contact.
“Ah’m sorry, my Queen,” was all she said. You immediately stopped yourself from forgiving her… and calling her ‘Drew.’ In that moment, you saw your husband in that smithing girl. Utterly and completely. That was the way Drew always apologized to you. From the body language to the facial expression down to the cadence of her words; it was an exact match.
“Continue,” was all you said. The smith nodded and did just that.
“Ah’m te’ one tha’ smiths. Ah’m te’ one tha’ earns te’ gold. Me brothe’ dunt kno’ an’thin’ ‘bout makin’ deals wit’ nob’dy. ‘E’s a cunt. Nob’dy want’s te’ work wit’ ‘em. Townsfolk don’ li’e me much, buh… ah’m sure tha’ ah’ve dun be’er than ‘im.. makin’ deals, ah mean...”
You genuinely nodded along with each point that the smith made… well, the ones you were able to understand. With every breath she took, you wanted more and more to give her the rights to her forge, and it pained you knowing that you couldn’t do so. Even though you didn’t like the girl, you knew that she cared about what was hers, and she was willing to fight for it. Just like Drew.
“-Wit’out ‘im, ah’ve made more gold ‘n ah’ve eve-”
“What’s your name?”
That caused the smith to freeze, mid sentence. She looked at you as if you’ve just grown three heads. You didn’t think what you had asked was difficult… Perhaps she didn’t understand the question? The woman opposite you rubbed her knuckles across the palm of her other hand and bit her cheek.
“Brynhildr... Ye’ Grace.”
“Brynhildr…” you repeated. The guttural pronunciation forced the name to get caught in your throat, causing you to cough a bit. You composed yourself and smiled politely. “That’s an interesting name.”
“Et’s a’ ugly name,” she corrected you, looking almost apologetic. “If et’s easier, ye’ can call me ‘Breun.’ Most evr’yone else does.”
Breun, you knew that word. It was Gaelic for something. You took it upon yourself to learn the language, but your teacher became very… excited in hearing you speak the ancient tongue and often cut lessons short to… reward you for being so studious. You had heard the word before. You just couldn’t remember what it was.
The smith read your mind. “Et means ‘filthy… stinkin’... beastly... t’ings li’e tha’...” she rolled her eyes and smiled sadly as she told you. Her voice was much softer than when she first walked in, as if she were trying not to upset you. Her eyes were somehow less harsh-looking than before, but just as strong. You felt like they could hold you up and support you, reliably, just by virtue of them looking at you. You stammered for something to say. Something that would give her comfort.
“Why- why would they call you that?” Stupid question. Anyone could see that breun was a perfect description of her, and she knew that perfectly well. She gave you a small smile and turned her hands over on the table, palms up, presenting herself as evidence. You quickly shook your head, trying to spare her feelings. “I will not call you that. That’s cruel.” She shook her head.
“Et’s true. Well... et wa’ true a month ‘go. Now ah git scrubbed bloody e’ry foockin’ sundown.” The smith tilted her head back when saying that, clearly not talking to you.
“It would not be necessary if you did not insist on ending every day by wearing a coat of ash,” a soft voice chimed in. You leaned to the side to look at Sigrdrífa, who had not taken her eyes off of her work, but was sporting a shining smile and a deep blush on her cheeks. You chuckled as you imagined the scene of this colossus sitting in a tub too small for her, with a sour expression on her face as the tiny, dainty, soft spoken girl scrubbed her back with a horse brush and reprimanded her for being too dirty… while blacksmithing.
“Tha’s naw all et means.” Your attention returned to the smith’s face. “Breun also means bold, loud, an’ unladylike.” She shrugged her shoulders. “Dun’t soun’ too ‘orrible te me.” Her eyes sparkled with pride. “Ah won’ be ‘ffended ef ye call me ‘Breun’, Ye’ Grace.” She offered you a smile once more, and this time you returned it sincerely. It must be a family trait, smiling. Her brother Slibhin, you remembered, often sported a smile when speaking to others, but his was snide and arrogant while her’s was humble and giving.
“Breun, it is,” you conceded with a nod. “It actually is a fairly handsome name, in my opinion.”
Breun’s chest swelled as she took a deep breath, trying not to shed a tear. It dawned on you that you may have been the first person to say something truly kind to her. Well, one of the first people at least. She leaned forward to say something, but froze as she just began to open her mouth. A flush of confusion and a tiny bit of fear washed over you.
You started to speak. “Excuse-”
“SHHH” Breun scrunched her face up and held a finger uncomfortably close to your mouth. Your heart began to race once more. Sigrdrífa stood up and moved to stand by Breun, putting her hand on her shoulder. The smith seemed completely statuesque. The only part of her that moved was… her ears. They seemed to twitch. You closed your eyes and tried to focus your hearing.
At first, you could hear nothing, just stillness. Then, the lightest, faintest dinging sound. It was constant and even, purposeful. Like a musician beating a drum. It was clearly coming from the outside. Drew would be able to see what was happening.
Breun slammed her hand on the table and pushed herself up, leaving cracks and splinters where her palm hit. She almost sprinted over to the door and flung it open, shouting incoherent curses. You looked over to Sigrdrífa for answers. She just closed her eyes and shook her head.
“What man would be foolish enough?” What was she talking about? What was foolish and who was doing it?
“Ah don’ gev a SHITE if yer te’ Fookin’ King o’ Scotlan’! Tha’s MY fookin’ ‘ammer!”
Oh no.
By the time you were able to hike up your ridiculous dress and run outside, Breun had already tackled your husband to the ground and was in the process of wrestling a hammer out of his hands. Both yours and Drew’s faces were full of surprise and confusion. No one had done this to him before. Many have attempted. Mostly it was just soldiers who wanted to earn the respect of their King, but they had fallen from him like raindrops against a stone wall.
At the realization that he had a real challenge before him, Drew’s face quickly turned from shock to savagery. Your husband pushed Breun back and kicked her in the chest, nearly launching her ten feet across the dry, dusty ground straight into the side of an anvil. The girl let out a loud grunt and doubled over. Drew then got back to his feet and looked at you.
“I thought you said that you could resolve this matter quietly!” The King was about to yell some more when he was knocked into the dirt again. Breun had already gotten back up and charged him, this time focusing on his right shoulder, the arm of which was holding her hammer. Surely enough, he dropped it, and like an attacking hound that had just been called back to her master, she pushed herself off of Drew, grabbed her tool from the dust, and pointed it at him.
“Right... now fuck off.”
That was the clearest you had ever heard her speak. Probably because that was the calmest she had ever looked, satisfied with her performance. Drew, on the other hand, was furious. Even though he had sustained injuries that would render a normal man bedridden for weeks, the mere fact that he had been knocked over was enough to make his blood boil. As Breun stepped over your husband to put her hammer away, he grabbed her ankle and tripped her. She fell flat on her chest, causing the ground to shake and a cloud of dust to explode around her.
Breun scrambled back to her feet and threw the hammer on a nearby workbench. Drew got up as well, slower than he should have. You called out to him, but he couldn’t hear you. The two stared at one another, and though you couldn’t tell who initiated it, the two locked up as if they were two bulls. You noticed that Breun was about one head shorter than your husband. Drew started pushing forward, causing the stubborn smith’s feet to skid backwards in the dust until her back hit the stone wall of her house. Her eyes went wide as she realized that she couldn’t best your husband in strength. Drew wore a smirk on his face. He knew he had won. The King raised his eyebrows, taunting his opponent. Breun’s face became flushed with fury and embarrassment.
You didn’t know if it was out of defiance or desperation, but you watched on in horror as Breun cleared her throat and spat in Drew’s face. You heard gasps behind you. You spun around to see that a gigantic crowd had formed to see their King. Maybe it wasn’t a terrific idea to not have any guards accompany you and your husband to the town. Just then, you saw a woman cover her mouth to silence a scream. You turned back around to see Drew with his arm raised and the hammer in his fist. You bolted forward, trying to intervene, when you saw a flash of silver. The next thing you saw was Sigrdrífa hanging about Drew’s neck, trying to stop his movement somehow, but only having the same effect as a silk scarf would.
Although the girl was light, her screams and pleas alerted Drew to her presence. Annoyed, more than anything, he dropped the hammer, shook Sigrdrífa off, and forced Breun to her knees before giving her a swift knee in the gut for good measure. He then marched over to you, wiping off his face.
“I’m sending the soldiers to settle this mess. They’ll humble that little bitch and we’ll be done with the matter. She had her chance to submit peacefully and she wasted it.” Drew looked at you, waiting for your response. You couldn’t think of anything, except...
“Why did you take her hammer?”
That stopped your husband in his tracks. He twisted his face in confusion, and then shook his head. “I figured I could make a full set of armour for every man in Scotland before you finished talking in there.” His answer was mean-spirited and sarcastic. You knew that he was feeling aggressive and embarrassed at the moment, but it still hurt you that he would speak to you like that. You took a step back from him. Drew sighed and rubbed a hand down across his face.
“Let’s go.” Drew grabbed your arm, being purposefully gentle, and screamed for the crowd to disperse once more as he led you over to your horses. He untied your mare and lifted you onto her saddle. You saw him grimace in pain at performing the action, but decided that you could say nothing. You had failed. The forge would fall back into the hands of Slibhin (who was still unconscious at his own doorstep) and the two girls you had just met would go back to their miserable lives that they fought so hard to escape. You went to wipe a tear that was forming in your eye when you saw Drew looking at you. He gave you a small smile in an attempt to comfort you, but you turned your head from him. For the first time since your wedding day, you didn’t want to look at your husband. Drew just sighed and started untying his own horse from the wooden beam, only to be stopped by a small hand grasping the hem of his bearskin cape.
“My Majesty. I beg you to have forgiveness.” Drew turned around and looked down to where the small voice was coming from. Sigrdrífa looked into his eyes and grabbed his hand with both of hers. “The smith... she thinks with her strength, and not her head. She fights before she knows what else to do.” Drew’s eyes softened just a tiny bit. He looked back at Breun, who was staring down at her feet. She nodded in agreement. Sigrdrífa spoke again.
“Your rage for her is within me countless times over. I begged her to be quiet... to be calm... and yet she could not do that. But, you cannot ask the waves of the sea not to crash. It is willed to happen by nature. She has no choice. She did not mean to disrespect her King.”
Drew took a deep breath and rubbed his neck with his free hand. You couldn’t believe what you were seeing. This fragile little thing... speaking to the King of Scotland with such grace and calmness after everything that had just happened. And he seemed to be receptive to it all, as well. You couldn’t help but be the tiniest bit jealous of how... regally she was handling everything. The people around you all seemed to be holding their breath, waiting for him to say something, anything. But before he could, Sigrdrífa let go of Drew and reached up to a rip in his shirt that must have been made during the wrestling match a few moments ago and opened it up with her fingers, revealing a deep purple, almost black bruise that was trickling with blood. In a small voice, you heard her almost whisper.
“She did not mean to hurt you.”
In an instant, Drew’s eyes were filled with fury once again. Though she didn’t know it, Sigrdrífa had just insulted the King in the worst way imaginable. She suggested that he was hurt. Your husband refused to ever acknowledge pain around other people, especially those who hurt him. No one had ever heard him even grunt in pain when soldiers sparred with him and landed what would be a devastating hit for any other man. Even you didn’t feel comfortable enough yet to ask to clean his wounds when he came back from battle. He did so himself when he believed you to be asleep. When he bedded you during those times, he would behave much more aggressively, often causing you some pain without realizing he did so. It was an attempt to show you that he was just as much of a man as ever, even when in dire need of rest and healing.
It was the worst possible thing the girl could have said to Drew.
He slapped Sigrdrífa’s hand away... hard. You could hear a multitude of gasps join your own as you tried to process what you had just seen. Sigrdrífa didn’t make a sound. She didn’t even seem to flinch. You figured that she must be used to suffering that sort of pain in silence. Breun was ready to lunge at your husband when Sigrdrífa yelled something in her language, and that prevented the smith from taking a single step. You couldn’t help but marvel at the control the tiny girl had over the beast. Drew hesitated for a moment, clearly regretting what he had done, but knowing that if he were to do anything to apologize, he would appear to be weak. Drew looked at Breun.
“This time tomorrow, members of the royal guard will have come by to inspect the forge. If they find that you are still defiant in obeying your brother, they will do all that is necessary to restore order.” Drew pushed the girl away, and she fell into the dust. Breun ran to her and wrapped her arms around her, almost completely shielding her from the world. Not even paying any mind to Drew. “Does anyone else have any objections?” the King roared. Everyone in the crowd looked at their feet. No one in their right mind would even look into the King’s eyes after everything that had just occurred. Though, you did notice when you scanned your eyes across the masses, that many of the people looked somber. You remembered the smith mentioning in passing that the townsfolk preferred dealing with her over her brother. Through your husband’s decree, not only was Breun losing something, but the village was as well. But you doubted that anyone was going to bring that to his attention.
Drew untied his horse and put his foot in the stirrup. His steed jumped, as if he didn’t recognize his master. Drew grabbed the reins and jerked the animal’s head to keep it obedient. You couldn’t quite tell why, but a wave of terror spread over you.
Watching your husband climb laboriously into his saddle was almost torturous. You saw him bite the inside of his cheek and hold back grunts of pain as he hoisted himself up. When he sat straight, his gaze fixed itself upon you. For a moment you considered turning your head away from Drew, but found it impossible. Be it out of pity, fear, or a mix of both, you were unable to look away from your husband as he stared at you, accusatory.
“You shouldn’t have gotten their hopes up.”
You inhaled sharply, intending to speak in your defense, but after a second, you just bowed your head in defeat. You didn’t want to fight. You didn’t have the strength to say a single word of disagreement. “Yes, my King,” was all you could say.
Drew nodded and moved his horse forward. You followed suit. The sun had just reached its noontime peak. Lunch would do your husband some good, you decided. You were unsure if you would be able to eat anything. Your stomach felt knotted and tight. At least it was all over now.
“Ye cheated.”
Drew’s shoulders tensed. He cracked his neck and turned his horse around, as did you. There, a few yards away, holding the frail silver woman was that stubborn smith who just didn’t know when to quit.
“Say that again.” Drew’s teeth were clenched. Tight.
Breun grunted as she rose, holding the silver girl like a bride. She set Sigrdrífa on her feet, and duster her off, subtly tucking a stray hair behind her ear in the process. You heard a quiet “thank you” from the girl. Breun then smiled and gently pushed her off to the side, to relative safety.
“Ye cheated. Ye were gonnae bash me ‘ead in wit me ‘ammer.”
“You spat in your King’s face.”
“Yer naw te’ King when ye fight!” Breun sounded appalled. “A fist cannae tell te’ diff’rence ‘tween comm’ners ‘n nobil’ty. Yer jus’ a man when ye fight... An’ ye cheated.”
Of all the things to be concerned with at the moment, you couldn’t believe that the smith was attempting to rationalize and delegitimize her loss to Drew. You didn’t believe that Breun had much wits about her, and clearly it had hurt her pride, but standing back up after she had been humbled and challenging him again wasn’t just stupid, it was suicide. You looked to Drew, but surprisingly, his face was stoic and unreadable.
“‘You’re just a man when you fight,’” Drew spoke very slowly, as if contemplating each word’s meaning. There was something in his voice that unnerved you. It seemed... cunning and dripping with malicious intent, like Slibhin had sounded when he was petitioning for some soldiers. Leaning forward in his saddle, the corners of his mouth turned up ever so slightly and he raised his eyebrows.
“Is that how you feel when you fight? Like a man?” Drew let out a small chuckle. The crowd around him burst with loud, deep laughter that shook the air itself. The smith had told you that the townsfolk didn’t like her, but you didn’t expect this level of animosity. Breun herself didn’t move a muscle. Whether she was petrified by the comment or it had passed her by, unimpactful, you couldn’t tell. She seemed to be waiting for the laughter to die down so she could speak. She seemed very unamused.
When the thunderous laughter fell into a dull roar of mocking quips and insults from the crowd, Breun walked toward her forge and picked up the blade of an axe that hadn’t been fitted to a handle yet. The crowd went dead silent. You even saw a few men break out into a sprint away from the scene. That would have made you smile and maybe giggle, but you were too preoccupied with all the stupid things that Breun might do with that blade. However, she just looked it over.
“T’is wha’ ye’ were werkin’ on?” She didn’t take her eyes off the axe-head, purposefully avoiding looking at Drew, as if to insult him. The King’s grip on his reins tightened and he gave a curt nod.
“Aye.”
“Aye? Et’s’ done.”
“It’s hideous.” You couldn’t disagree with your husband there. The blade was a dark grey color, not at all like the glimmering pieces that your husband would present to you. It seemed warped and strange, like it was rotting. In short, it was hideous. It didn’t even look sharp. But Breun just sighed and shook her head, as if she was humor in the matter.
She rolled her shoulders back, and took a deep breath, closing her eyes. Sigrdrífa took a small step back and covered her ears. You wondered what was going to happen when you saw Breun open her eyes and let out a monsterous yell. As she did so, she swung her arm around and smashed the blade into the corner of her house. Sparks flew and you heard the most ear-piercing, shrill shriek that you ever thought possible as the stone was hit. Your horse bucked, and it took everything in you to not fall to the dirt. You shushed and calmed her as you stroke her side. You looked to Drew, but his unfriendly gaze was still fixed on the smith. You doubted that he even noticed that you nearly fell from your horse.
Breun looked at your husband and smiled. The then let her fingers uncurl themselves from the blunt side of the blade and dropped her hand to her side, leaving the axe embedded in the stone. She raised her chin and called out.
“Calhoun!”
You heard an elderly man’s voice ring out through the crowd. “Aye!”
“Ye’ got any logs stronger ‘n stone?”
“Nae!”
“T’is’ll do fine then! Et’s gonnae be ready t’morrow!” Breun then promptly ripped the blade out of the stone and tossed it back onto the side of the forge, never breaking eye contact with the King. She smiled.
“Ah’m better ‘n a man. Ah’m a better smith ‘n tha’ fookin’ King.”
You lowered your head. You truly felt pity for Breun. This was all she could do. Trying to show her strength as a last ditch effort to save something that she had already lost. Like a bear cub would roar in an attempt to terrify the hunter who had already stuck it with a spear. She had nothing left, all that she could do was put on her little show and try not to make a fool of herself any further.
“No you’re not.”
Your neck nearly snapped itself as you whipped your head to look at your husband. Being this close to him, you were able to see the features of his face that you couldn’t before. The corners of his eyes were red from lack of sleep. Directly under his nose was a fair amount of blood that had dried and clung itself to his dark facial hair, effectively hiding it from view. His chest was moving, as if just breathing was a great challenge for him. He clearly wasn’t in his right mind, or else he would have dismissed the insult as a fruitless attempt to provoke him.
But she was getting to him, and she knew it. Breun’s eyes lit up when Drew took the bait. She walked over to the wall where her tools hung and grabbed two identical hammers. Your eyes widened. She was going to challenge him. For the rights to her forge. Either she knew that something was wrong with your husband or she felt confident that she could out-smith the King. You looked to where Sigrdrífa was standing in the doorframe of her house. Her eyes were closed and her head was turned to the ground, she knew what was happening, but didn’t seem optimistic about it.
“Prove et.” Breun stood in the dirt road a few yards away from you, her arm outstretched with a hammer, the handle pointed at Drew. “Prove tha’ yer a better smith ‘n me.”
This couldn’t go on any further.
“Stop!” you heard yourself shout from atop your horse. All heads, including the one of your husband, turned to you. You swallowed hard. You despised yourself for what you were going to say… but it had to be said. “The King and I have both indulged in your childish games for long enough! You work at your brother’s forge, under his authority. Whatever chance you believed you had at persuading myself to pity you has been killed by your idiocy and your lack of respect for your King. It is over, smith. You’ve lost.” Breun still didn’t budge. Out of desperation, you added, “ Just today my husband has killed a man far more powerful than you believe you are. Trust me, I am protecting you. To protest any further would be suicide.”
You raised your chin and gave a definitive nod. Turning to your husband, you saw the smile of satisfaction that you prayed he would have after you had spoken. You looked back at Breun, whose face was unreadable, though she no longer held out her arm. You dared not look at Sigrdrífa. You knew that what you had just said had broken that girl’s heart, betrayed her trust, and damned her to a husband that… you didn’t even want to think about it. You wish you had never learned her story. You wish that you never grew to care about the two women whose lives you were destroying. You wish that you had never seen the home they made together. You wish that you had just kept your mouth shut at Court, and ran to your bedroom to have Drew fuck you until you couldn’t see straight, leaving you in ignorant bliss.
But you had made a choice, and now you were paying for it. The shame that you felt was masked by the inviting grin that you gave Drew, hoping that he would forget about all this and rush you both back to the keep. Just to be safe, you leaned toward him and whispered.
“I would like to give you your apology for this mess… along with your welcoming, as soon as we arrive home.”
A cruel giggle bubbled inside of you. It was extremely ironic. This was the very first time you spoke, or even acted provocatively toward Drew. The first time you initiated intimacy… and it was insincere. But Drew didn’t seem to notice. Or if he did, he didn’t mind. He gave one last look at Breun, who appeared to have taken a few steps toward you and your husband. He didn’t say a word, but simply nodded his head and pulled the reins of his horse, showing his back to the smith. You followed suit, not daring to look the woman in the eye as you turned, knowing that if you did, you would run back to her side and beg the King on her behalf, and the whole Hell you had just endured would start all over again. This was all your fault. Your need to interfere in these women’s lives was the cause of all this suffering. You knew you had to leave before you caused any more harm. You urged your horse forward.
“Good on ye’, Yer Grace. Ah nev’r took ye’ fer a man tha’ listen’d te ‘is wife. Et’s a rare virtue.”
You did your best to keep moving forward. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Drew’s jaw tighten. He was angry, but at least he was still ignoring her. Everything could still work out.
“Ye’ must love yer Queen. Well… ah least more ‘n yer first one.”
All the blood drained from your face as your entire body went cold. You closed your eyes and let your head fall into your hands. You heard Drew rear his horse around to face the smith, but it sounded like there was a barrier between you and the rest of the world. As if you were in a bubble. As if you were drowning.
“You speak of my wife again, you’ll wish you were never born..”
“Ah men’ no ‘ffence, Ye’ Grace. Ah jus’ tha’ well… y’know…”
“WHAT!” Drew screeched, uncharacteristically.
Even though your eyes were closed tight, the vision of the smith standing there and Drew’s enraged face was burned behind your eyes. You could still see what was happening, and you just knew that Breun was smiling. She thought she was playing your husband perfectly. Riling him up, making him question himself. She thought she knew what she was doing. She thought she was going to get him to fall for her trap, but there was no way she knew how close to terrible, horrific pain and suffering she was, even if she would be spared from death. That was probably for the best. No other man would ever face Drew if he knew what The King was capable of.
“Et’s jus’ tha’... we,” Breun took a pause, most likely gesturing to the crowd around her, “found et… odd tha’ when sh’ died… ye’ wed ‘gain awful quick-”
“WHAT ARE YOU SAYING!” Drew screamed. You almost lifted your head and attempted to calm him, but you found yourself unable to move.
Breun’s voice dropped all of the mock friendliness that it held moments ago.
“Riches’ woman en te’ world. Lives in te’ world’s bes’ castle. Owns te’ world’s bes’ furs. Et’s te’ world’s bes’ food... Dies of a... chill?”
Your hands gripped at your hair as you shook your head. You felt your heart beating faster than it ever had before. Your breaths became shorter and shorter. You felt like you had been poisoned.
“We jus’ wonder wha’ kinda man ye’ are.” You heard the smith take another step toward him. “Wha’d she do? Got too loud? Too ‘pinionated? Not as pretty as she was when ye’ furst saw ‘er? Squirmed too much when ye’d try te’ force a son in ‘er?”
You heard Drew hop off of his horse and land on his feet with a pain-filled grunt. You breathed in the dust he had just kicked up, making it harder for you to get any air into your already strained lungs.
“I’ll show you what kind of man I a-” Drew stopped mid-sentence as you heard a whirring sound of something being thrown and the soft pat of him catching something. It had to be the spare hammer Breun had been holding. You wanted to look, but you were... paralyzed by some invisible force. You felt a cold sweat on your forehead and under-arms. You wanted someone to hold you. Drew. But at the same time, you wanted to run from him. You urged your arms to at least cover your ears so you wouldn’t have to listen, but you couldn’t even do that.
“Tha’ ye’ will. Ye’ Grace. Tha’ ye’ will.”
You could hear Breun pacing in the gravel, like an actor on a stage.
“Now, ye’ can thrash me wit’ tha’ ‘ammer. Beat me ‘till ah’m bleedin’ tru’ me arse, if ye like. Ah’ll recover in a few days... But, if ye’ can win a smithin’ contest ‘gainst me? Ah’ll never wannae show me face ‘gain. Ah’d be broken. Me life’d mean not’in’. Smithin’s all ah am. ‘T’s all ah’ll ev’r be. If ye’ beat me... ye’d kill me.” You heard her footsteps grow louder as Breun took slow steps toward Drew. “And ah t’ink ye’ really wannae kill me.”
A heavy, sharp silence rained down upon the crowd. You felt dizzy. It’s as if you were frozen solid, but constantly being urged to move, as if lightning strikes flowed through your veins. You closed your eyes tighter, hoping that someone would come and take you away from all this, but praying that no one even noticed you.
“We’ll both make pieces. Doesn’t matter what. Better smith wins.” You heard Drew growl.
“An’ te’ judge?”
“The Queen.”
You tried to react, but there was nothing else your body could do. Nothing else you could possibly feel.
“Te’ fookin’ Queen? Naw.”
“The Queen. No one else.”
“Naw.” Breun seemed unbothered, her demeanor was of someone who was trying to figure out what to wear for the day. “She’d choose ye…” You could hear her stance shift. Her voice became gruff and accusatory.
“Ah kno’ wha’ ‘appens t’ girls who defy thei’ belov’d ‘usbands.”
Drew inhaled sharply. More murmurs rippled throughout the crowd. Through it all, you heard footsteps that were heading towards you at an alarmingly fast pace. You gasped as you felt a hand touch your thigh and, as if by some invisible force, you opened your eyes.
Standing there, looking up at you, was a delirious and bloody Slibhin.
“My Lady, what have you done?”
And with that, the world went black around you.
Your fingertips twitched and your eyelids fluttered as you slowly began to regain consciousness. Underneath your fingers, you could feel soft, clean linens covering a mattress. On top of you, you felt the gentle weight of a blanket. You gently moved your head and felt the lenient, forgiving pillow cradle your neck. Your eyes fluttered open, and though your vision was blurred, you could tell instantly, that you were in your room. A contented sigh left you as you turned your head once more to look out of your balcony window, as you did every morning.
However, something was different about the sky. You squinted and tried to make sense of what you were seeing. Instead of it’s usual rosy, periwinkle coloring, this morning boasted a sky of bright amber and indigo. You turned over to ask your husband about this, when you found his side of the bed empty. There was not even an imprint left behind by his massive body, as there usually was on the embarrassingly common occasion that he woke before you.
You made a confused face and sat up in your bed. When the blanket fell from your chest, you saw that you weren’t dressed in your nightgown. Instead you were wearing that damned dress. The tight, itchy, uncomfortable thing that now seemed stuck to your skin by your sweat. You rubbed your forehead and saw dried dirt flake from your skin. You gasped as everything came back to you. The petitioner, the smith, the fight, the shame. Everything. You began to cough uncontrollably as the dried dirt entered your lungs.
Enraged, and with tears in your eyes, you fell out of your bed and ran to your bedroom door. You were sure that the sound you made while kicking the door open would be heard clear across the sea. Servants and guards ran to you as you marched down the hallway, unyielding, as if you were made of metal.
“Your Majesty! Your Majesty please return to your bed!” you heard one woman yell. “We’ll draw you a bath and bring you some food, my Queen.” you heard another shout. The torches and tapestries all seemed to blur together as you rushed past them. By now, two guards had positioned themselves at the end of the hallway, waiting for you to meet them so they could stop you.
“Saddle my horse!” your voice boomed throughout the keep. You came up to the two guards.
“I’m sorry, Your Majesty, but we can’t do that. The King gave us direct orders to-”
“Where is the King? Where is my husband?” you asked with fire in your eyes. You were trying to hide the fact that you were panting, exhausted. A strand of hair fell into your eyes and you violently pushed it back.
“The King is dealing with official business. He will be back shortly. Please let us escort you back to-”
“Where is he? I must speak with him. Now.”
“As I said, My Queen, the King is dealing with-”
“Where.”
There were no mirrors about, but you could tell from the look in the guards’ eyes, that you resembled a madwoman. You decided to use this to your advantage.
“His Royal Highness is not the only monarch here who knows what it is like to brutalize her enemies. Do not give me a reason to doubt you.” The two guards stood frozen. Now, you knew very well that you couldn’t defeat these two in combat, at least in your present condition, but they recognized your power, and recognized that antagonizing you, in your present condition, would be a very stupid thing to do.
“His Majesty is dealing with the smith,” one guard whimpered.
“They have been… negotiating since yesterday and all of today,” said the other, meekly.
A million different things rushed into your mind. First, the smith was still alive, at least for now, and had a chance of keeping her forge. That means that Drew must have accepted her challenge and the two had found another judge. Secondly, you had been unconscious for an entire day and a half, and your husband didn’t stay by your side. Thirdly, and arguably most importantly, you knew that you had to be at the scene. You didn’t care about how you looked. You didn’t care that you had disgraced yourself in front of your entire village. All you knew was that you were heavily involved in creating this mess, and you had to be very heavily involved in stopping it.
“Saddle my horse.” you repeated, gravely. This time, you were greeted with nods and servants rushing about, trying to appease their Queen, or at the very least, avoid her wrath.
As the sun set, you rode fast and hard back to that damned smithy. As you approached, you saw that the entire village had gathered to watch this apparent contest. People had set up tents, and vendors weaved in and out of the crowd, trying to sell their wares. Children sat atop their father’s shoulders. Torches littered the streets, lighting up the town as if it were a festival. Even royal guards were mingling with the common folk. Your brow furrowed as this somehow enraged you.
“Move!” you yelled, hoping to clear a path for yourself. However, your voice was so small compared to the cacophony that was the crowd, that you yourself could barely hear it. Luckily, if the villagers couldn’t hear the weak plea of an angered Queen, they would still run from a charging mare.
You ignored the hundreds of eyes that followed you as you rode by, and finally came across the smith’s house. There, you saw everything.
First, your eyes went to your husband. Drew was shirtless, hammering away at an anvil. His face was almost unrecognizable as it was completely covered in ash and soot. His eyes were a deep red with irritation caused by the forge’s fumes. His hair had become undone and draped along his shoulders. His shoulders. You could see his muscles spasming with every movement. His body was shutting down, you could see it. And yet, these people cheered him on.
Your eyes switched over to Breun, who stood beside Drew at another anvil. She had shed her leather jerkin and now only wore a shirt that she had obviously ripped the sleeves ripped off when she bought it. Curiously, the cambric clothing that she wore revealed that she did have a surprisingly female figure. Her breasts were large… well an average size if not a bit smaller than what was proportionate for her. Her waist was by no means slender, but did appear so due to her wide hips. And yet it seemed like there was no place on her body that was not insanely muscular. Not muscles like Drew had, where he took care in making sure he kept in shape for battle (and for you). You could tell she gained her strength from working. She didn’t meticulously sculpt her strength, but she had it all the same. In an odd way, it seemed completely reasonable for men and women alike to be both repulsed by and lust after her form. You knew that if she were able, she would shed the undershirt altogether. Her neck craned and was clearly cramped. She was clearly in pain as well. However, you noticed that her hammering was just a touch faster and harder than Drew’s.
Suddenly, you saw Breun drop her hammer on the table, grab what appeared to be tongs, pick a small piece of metal and rush to the other side of the area. She dropped it into a barrel where a man made a tally mark onto parchment, before rushing back to her station and taking up the hammer once more. You blinked, and Drew copied her exactly. Then, another man made a tally mark on another piece of parchment.
You looked around, as if searching for someone to explain to you what was happening. You called out for Drew, but he didn’t hear you. You shouted for a guard, but your voice drowned in the sea of shouts and cheers made by the townspeople. An old man came up to you and tried to sell you some small bird he insisted was pheasant. You shooed him away only to realize the pangs in your stomach. You knew that you hadn’t eaten since this morning, but it shouldn’t be this bad. You felt lightheaded and practically fell off your horse, somehow landing on your feet. The world spun around you as the blood pumped in your ears.
“My Majesty?”
That voice. That beautiful little ringing bell of a voice. You gave a sigh of relief and turned to face the sound. But when you turned and saw Sigrdrífa, you were not put at ease. In fact, the exact opposite happened. You saw her there, still as clean and healthy as she was when you left, but dressed in a new gown, one that looked more expensive and more uncomfortable than anything you cared to own. Her hair was fashioned in a gaudy kind of bun, stuck with pins and ribbons. She stood next to an ornate and ridiculously expensive looking canopied seat where her now cleaned off and re-dressed husband, Slibhin was reclined and sipping what appeared to be wine from a goblet (that was also ornate and ridiculously expensive looking.) Soldiers stood beside the two, obviously appearing to guard the two from any unruly peasants or troublemakers, but you knew they were put there by Slibhin to make sure his little wife stood by his side.
Sigrdrífa took in another breath to speak to you once more when her husband gave an annoying “Ahh!” after finishing his drink and, without looking at her, practically threw the goblet into the silver girl’s hands. This caused her to stop in her tracks and look at the ground, obediently. Like she was a beaten dog.
In an instant, you had forgotten your hunger and weakness as you marched straight toward that gaudy throne. One guard looked at the other and nodded toward you. They both pointed their pikes toward you.
“Careful, witch,” one guard warned.
“Stay back now, we don’t want trouble,” tried the other.
You looked at the two guards incredulously. They stared back at you, confused. Slibhin, without looking at you, rolled his eyes and tossed a bronze coin in your general direction. It fell into the dust a few feet away from you.
“There, now get out of my sight… begging whore,” he spoke under his breath. Sigrdrífa’s eyes widened and she covered her mouth. Again, your anger made you forget your appearance and you practically growled through your clenched teeth.
“Is that how you treat your Queen?”
You had never seen someone’s eyes widen so quickly. Slibhin flopped from his chair and into the dirt, groveling and weeping. You saw Sigrdrífa smile ever so slightly at that. The two guards began to walk toward you with immense concern in their eyes.
“My Queen, let us escort you back to-” You put your hand up to stop them and beckoned for Sigrdrífa to follow you. She went to you immediately, but the guards were not yet done. “Please, the King has ordered all of his guards to keep you-”
“Fuck the King’s orders!” you screamed with impunity. “If my husband demands something of me, he will tell me to my face. You-” you pointed at Sigrdrífa again. “You’re coming with me.” You grabbed the girl’s hand and walked toward the front door of her house. You paused as she opened the door for you and you looked back at Drew. He had just finished another piece of… something, and he was running to drop it in his barrel, which made him run directly toward you.
His eyes were upright and you could have thought they were staring at you, but you knew deep down, that he was staring through you. It’s not that he didn’t recognize you. He didn’t know you. You had seen that look in his eyes before, when he was training in the yard. His intensity and focus always inspired the new recruits, but he always snapped out of it when he saw you. But this time it was different. You had seen him prepare for battles before, but right now… he was in battle. And he was terrifying. Donning only a kilt and boots, your King was fighting for his life.
You came to when Sigrdrífa took your arm and attempted to lead you into her house. You ripped your arm away from her and looked back at Slibhin who was attempting to follow you in. “No.” was all you had to say before he fell down once more and crawled back to his guards and his ridiculous chair. You turned once more to Sigrdrífa and nodded curtly before walking into the house before her.
With your head turned down, you marched toward the table and chairs that you remembered from your first visit nearly two days ago. You needed something, some kind of base to hold you up. Some sort of comfort. You plopped down into what you remembered to be a blissful, makeshift pillow, and yowled in pain as your backside fell into flat, hard wood. Your body wanted to hop back up to a standing position, but your legs wouldn’t let you. You stayed seated on the most uncomfortable seat imaginable.
You opened your eyes wide and were greeted by a pristine, beautiful home that held you in like a prison. All of the… personality you saw two days ago was ripped away, crumpled up, and thrown into a far corner to be thrown out later. Replaced by sterile and beautiful… things. The only sign of life you could detect was a hint of embers burning beneath a simmering pot. You opened your mouth to comment on the change when you heard a little grunt and the closing of the front door. Sigrdrífa turned to you and curtsied.
“Hello again, my Queen. Are you well?” She smiled. Like a little doll, she was. Her back straight, her hands holding each other in front of her. Just like your servant girls did when they were awaiting an order. Her smile was perfect. It made her ears perk up and showed a small, charming crinkle in the corners of her eyes. Her eyes, oddly enough, were the ones that betrayed her. They were full of fear. She didn’t feel safe. Her husband had control over her once more, and her only friend in the world was practically killing herself, unable to keep the promise she made of him never touching her again. She wasn’t sure if she could even trust you. She was all alone. This was her only form of protection now. Her beautiful, dutiful doll-like demeanor was all she had for armour.
You stared at her for a moment. She stayed perfectly still, as if she were made of marble. A wave of sadness washed over you and for a moment, all of your anger and confusion subsided. You opened your arms out toward her. It only took a moment before her mask cracked, and she ran to you, falling to her knees and sobbing into your lap. You just held her and stroked her long, silver hair, gently shushing her.
Her shoulders heaved with each gasping breath she took. Her heart beat as quickly as a mouse’s, almost like it was humming. You wanted to let her cry. Let her expel all the fear, sadness, and hatred that was festering inside of her little glass heart. But you knew you couldn’t do that. You needed to act. And in order to do that, you needed answers. You took your hand and gently lifted the girl’s chin so that her red, swollen eyes met yours.
“Sigrdrífa,” you gently tried, “What is happening here?”
She just closed her eyes tightly and shook her head before seeking refuge again in the folds of your dress. You took a sharp breath before taking her chin once again and forcing her to look at you. This scared her, but you held firm.
“Tell me. I need to know.”
She looked at you for a moment, not saying anything. You silently kicked yourself for your aggression.
No matter what urgency you felt, it would be cruel of you to take advantage of this disadvantaged girl. You smoothed your thumb over her cheek, wiping away a tear.
“Please. I don’t know what’s happening.”
The girl nodded her head. She slowly stood up and sat in the chair opposite of you, bracing herself against the hard, unforgiving wood. She took a deep breath and rubbed her eyes. Her voice shook.
“The smith and the King are in contest, My Queen.” She sniffled and cleared her throat. “They have been smithing to see who can first make one thousand…” she trailed off, her mouth slightly open and her brow furrowed as she tried to think of the correct word. You leaned forward to try to encourage her. She sighed.
“Nagl.” She said, and made a hammering motion.
“Nails? The first to make one thousand nails?” you gently pressed. Her eyes lit up.
“Yes. One thousand nails. It is claimed that in order to be known as a true smith, a man must first make one thousand nails. The greatest of these smiths can forge a single nail in less than one minute, I have heard.”
You immediately tried to calculate in your head how far along those two must be if they had been smithing for almost two days, and if what Sigrdrífa said was true. But your head was too cloudy to come to any kind of answer. You closed your eyes and pressed your palms into your temples. You could feel the world spinning around you.
“My Queen? What is wrong? Are you to become sick?”
You absolutely felt that way, but somehow, you were able to look the silver girl in her concerned eyes and compose yourself.
“I’m fine… I just…” You had to think of something to say. Anything. “How did they get all that metal?” Sigrdrífa looked down. You figured she didn’t understand the question. “For the nails? I don’t remember seeing enough metal to make one thousand nails in the smithy.” The little woman shuffled her feet for a moment before speaking to you deliberately and slowly, as if careful not to offend you.
“The metal was taken from the royal forge. The King ordered it to be brought here after you… were taken back to the castle.”
You nodded your head, accepting the answer. Everything started to make slightly more sense. Forging one thousand nails would eliminate the need for a judge. Also, you supposed that the nails could be used to rebuild houses in the countryside that had been destroyed by the recently ended war. You sighed. Everything seemed more reasonable than it did a few moments ago. It felt like a small victory in a way, understanding what was happening around you when it felt like the world was trying it’s very best to confuse and scare you. You wanted to know more, as if it gave you more power over your situation.
“So, what happened while Drew and I went back to the keep? Did the entire village swarm the house and set up this… festival?” You asked in a lighthearted manner. This caused Sigrdrífa to pause and hold her hands to her chest. She murmured.
“The King did not follow you… He stayed and arranged the terms of the contest with the smith.”
Your heart sank. Drew, your beloved husband, hadn’t even followed you back to the keep? How did he know you were safe? How did he know you were even alive? Did he not expect you to wake up before he had won? And if you did wake up (which you did), did he not expect you to come back to him? The one thing that you had always believed to be true about your husband was that Drew protected what was his. No matter what. And all of a sudden this truth was no longer true. You felt your eyes sting once again, but you held those damned tears back. You had cried enough.
Sigrdrífa leaned forward and gently took your hand, cradling it as if the bone were broken. She took a few breaths before looking you in your eyes.
“My Majesty, is the King… good to you?” she whispered, as if she were telling you a secret while sat in a crowded room.
But, you had been asked this question before. For the first few weeks you were married to Drew, you had received dozens of letters from your parents asking about how your new husband treated you. You assured them in many, many responses that you were being treated well, and that Drew showed you nothing but respect and adoration. However, this time the question put you off, quite a bit actually. You understood her concerns, considering the fact that she had only ever seen Drew as this seemingly aggressive tyrant. But he had only ever acted that way because he was being provoked. Sure, you didn’t appreciate how he was behaving, but you at least understood why he was behaving that way. Breun hadn’t even tried to come to an agreement in a civil manner. She had never even spoken a civil word to Drew after their first interaction... which was her tackling him. Hell, the only reason she had even listened to a word you said was because Sigrdrífa forced her to.
You wondered to yourself how this little thing could control a giant. You looked back at the silver girl sitting opposite of you. Her face was leaned in and attentive. Her eyes were wide with curiosity and care.
“Yes, sweet girl. The King is very good to me. He is just very…” You searched for the right word. “Frustrated.” You paused and raised your eyebrow. “And... I’m positive that the… boarish actions of a certain smith haven’t helped him very much.”
You were wondering what reaction you would get out of her. You suspected she would be embarrassed or ashamed of her sister-in-law, eager to apologize for her actions. Instead, she wore a smirk on her face and let out a small huff.
“I am afraid that the smith’s behavior is my doing,” Sigrdrífa murmured. “When I was newly brought to the village, she never even spoke. She only ate when the food was tossed to her. At night she would lie on straw and rotting furs on the outside of the house, but never close her eyes. Flugur would buzz by her; crawl on her skin, bite her, and she would allow them.”
That was a shock to you. You wracked your brain, trying to imagine Breun as docile. How could someone so hardheaded be so passive? Sigrdrífa said herself that it was in Breun’s nature to be confrontational.
“When did she become so… protective?” you asked her, trying to sound nice. Sigrdrífa’s face turned red and her eyes refused to meet yours.
“Because… I needed to be protected, my Queen.”
There was shame in her voice. Guilt, even. A tear fell from her eye as she shook her head, as if trying to bring herself back to reality. A million things flew through your mind; mostly images. Images of Sigrdrífa cowering in fear. Slibhin with that damned smile on his face, touching her. Breun finally taking action against him for the first time in her life. The look Breun gave Sigrdrífa, letting her know she was safe. Sigrdrífa showing Breun the first kindness the smith had ever known. The most fragile beginnings of trust connecting the two as they both tried to navigate how to live with happiness.
Your thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of a bell and the raucous cheering of the crowd outside.
“Only a few nails left,” Sigrdrífa murmured to you.
You turned back to her. “Who has only a few nails left?”
“The King, of course. Why else would the people cheer?” Sigrdrífa crossed her arms over her chest, hugging herself. She let her head hang low. “It’s almost over.” You saw a few tears splash down onto her lap. You didn’t reach for her though. Instead, you were confused.
“You don’t think Breun will win?”
Sigrdrífa shook her head. “Her body is too worn.”
You opened your mouth to ask why she was worn, but your hostess guessed your question before you asked it.
“She has been forging my mundr… my bride-price. I was traded to Slibhin for weapons and armor; the smith had to make these to pay for me. She had been working for months to complete things for my father, my brothers, and their favorites. She pushed herself so far... if she did not complete them in time, I would have been taken back by my father. AND... after she had finished those, she still did not rest. No, she worked twice as hard to finish her work for the villagers that she had missed during that time! Only a few days ago could I convince her to sleep the whole night, and eat all of her food! Now she challenges the King to-”
Sigrdrífa cut herself off with a huff, clearly frustrated. You had to suppress a giggle at how flustered the girl was, but you understood the fear and anxiety she felt. She believed that Breun had no chance against your husband. However, you knew that not to be true.
“Sigrdrífa, the King may not have as much of an advantage as you might believe,” you confessed. “He has been battling a rebellion for the past month, don’t you forget. And he hasn’t rested since returning.
Sigrdrífa, his body is worn as well. I don’t even know how he’s able to stand upright.” You shifted in the uncomfortable seat and cringed at the dry creaking sound it made. Sigrdrífa placed her hand on the side of her head, embarrassed that she hadn’t remembered the rebellion. To be fair, it was a smaller army that took up arms. You weren’t even sure of the name of the traitor, yourself. Sigrdrífa bit the inside of her cheek to suppress a smile, but you saw hope return to her eyes. There was a change Breun could be the victor.
“Who do you think will win?” She asked the question rather quickly.
“I don’t know.” It was a diplomatic answer, but to be fair, you truly didn’t know. At first, you believed Breun would win only because of your husband’s injuries. But now, you sincerely weren’t sure. However, you knew that that answer wouldn’t satisfy the girl across from you.
“Who do you want to win?” The question stung, as if it were accusatory, even though the tone in which it was asked was innocent. It was a test. An evil test. Of course you wanted Breun to keep her forge and live happily ever after, that went without thought; but you didn’t think your heart could take seeing Drew be defeated after everything you had put him through. Yes, you were angry with him for not staying by your side when you were unconscious, but he only because Breun had insulted you… and Drew’s first wife. You didn’t like his rage but you understood it. You did want Breun to win, but you didn’t want Drew to lose. You looked back up at Sigrdrífa who held your gaze firmly, and answered.
“I want the man I love to win, as any wife would.”
The silver girl nodded. “I would expect nothing else.” Her eyes were sad, but intelligent. Your words had caused her pain, but she understood that you didn’t mean them to. You expected her to read between the lines, but what you didn’t expect was a small breath of a giggle escaping her throat.
“It is strange then. That we are the same, but… enemies. Sitting here speaking as if friends.” You gave her a smile, showing her you understood, but the girl continued. “Two small women with the same, but opposite hope; for their lover to defeat-”
Your smile disappeared. Not because you were unhappy, but because you saw Sigrdrífa’s face somehow turn even whiter than it already was. It took you only a moment to realize what she had said.
She had called Breun, her sister in law, her lover.
You hadn’t been Queen for very long, but you were well aware of what would happen if the town learned of what she had just said. There would be no saving either of them. The two would be hunted down to the corners of the kingdom. The common folk would torture them, treat them like demons; like animals. What would happen to the two girls, you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy. If someone knew about this, it would be well within the law, and the interest of your simple-minded subjects, to have both women put to death.
But someone did know about it. You knew about it. And you certainly had the power to enforce the law, and swore to have the interests of your simple-minded subjects at heart. You looked at the frozen girl across from you, her eyes desperately trying to read yours. Trying to figure out what you were about to say... or do.
It took you less than a second to come to your conclusion.
“You misspoke, Sigrdrífa. I know this isn’t your best language. You used the word ‘lover.’ You meant to say ‘family.’”
You couldn’t help but smile on the inside as Sigrdrífa sucked in three lungs’ worth of air and let out a long sigh of relief. The rosy color returned to her cheeks. She gave the quiet laugh of an exhausted woman and placed her hand over yours.
“We both love our family.”
You reached forward with your other hand and covered hers in turn. You felt something scratch against your skin and looked down. Around her wrist, the girl had tight sleeves embroidered with prickly threads. They were very beautiful.
You grasped the fabric with both hands and tore it apart. Underneath, you saw her irritated skin finally touch the air. You looked at her and raised your brow. She gave you a toothy smile and immediately presented her other sleeve to you, and you ripped that as well. After that, she grabbed at the fabric wrapped around her neck and tore that collar away as well. Beads and other small gemstones flung themselves from her throat and skittered across the table. You reached out and undid the ribbons in her hair, letting it fall loosely around her waist. Sigrdrífa kicked off her shoes and freed her legs from her stockings and underskirts. She stood up, knocking her chair to the ground, and took fistfuls of lacing that tied the back of her dress, yanking it loose.
You let your laughter ring throughout the house. The sight of Sigrdrífa dressed in the most expensive of rags…
“That cannot be very comfortable.” The silver girl pointed at you.
She was right, of course; but you could never destroy your dress. You already looked unpresentable as Queen; covered in filth and hair strewn about. The heat of the last two days left you drenched in sweat. You were certain that if you wrung your sleeves a steady stream of the putrid liquid would spill out. The accumulation of dirt and filth that clung to your body itched to no end. That sweat caused the heavy fabric to cling itself to your skin and that dirt made you feel every wrinkle and crease as if they were gashes and gouges of your very own flesh. You had been through so much already, ripping up your dress would just be… be…
You balled up the fabric of your underarm and yanked as hard as you could. A small ripping noise came from your dress, but not much else. You heard light footsteps come towards you and two white hangs join your fist. The next thing you knew, your arm was completely free from it’s silky prison. You waved it around in nonsensical patterns, just wanting to feel the air brush past your skin.
You didn’t even consider the state of your dress as you relished your newfound partial freedom. Sigrdrífa’s giggle resounded throughout the house as she held your sleeve in her arms. Bunching up the fabric of the inside of your other arm, you let out a yelp as you ripped it open. A few more tugs, and your forearm was completely naked, with it’s coverings hanging by a thread by your elbow.
“How do you feel now, My Majesty?” There was a kidding nature to her words. You took in a breath to laugh and became very aware of the restrictive waistline that held your stomach in. You clawed at your back trying to get a grip on any seam or hem that you could use to tear it apart.
“Help me undo this damned sewing and I’ll finally have enough breath to tell you.”
She hadn’t even taken one step toward you when you heard the roar of the crowd outside once again. You looked at Sigrdrífa, your eyes asking what that noise meant. The only thing you saw was a flash of her hair as she raced toward the front door.
You tripped over the threshold and stumbled out of the house, crashing into the dirt. Luckily, no one seemed to notice. It seemed that every head in Scotland was turned toward The King and The Smith.
“My Queen!”
All except for two. The guards that had greeted you when you confronted Slibhin rushed toward you, grabbing you and helping you stand upright.
“My Queen, allow us to escort you back to the castle.”
“Your Grace, please come with us.”
You pushed them off of you. Though there was no strength left in your arms, the soldiers heeded your warning, standing at attention from a very respectable distance (probably doing everything they could not to upset you considering their introductions to you.) That was when your eyes locked onto Slibhin, who stood at the edge of the crowd, wringing his hands in desperation. He was planning something. You just knew it. Those hands were the hands of a schemer. You almost laughed at how different they were compared to his sister’s. His hands were spotless, well groomed, but weak and feeble, and he used them to plot. To gesture and accentuate his honeyed words as he tried to ruin lives for his own benefit. In contrast, Breun’s hands were scarred, rough, and ugly, but strong and efficient. They were used to make useful things, powerful things. Her hands were like the weapons that she made: grotesque, but practical.
Just like that unfinished axe she had forced into the stone wall of her house. It didn’t look like much, but if you weren’t careful, it could hurt y-
Slowly, you lifted your hand to your eye, gazing in wonder at your thumb. The nick from two days earlier had almost healed.
“My Queen? Are… you alright?” The two guards looked at you with apprehension. You turned your body fully to them, and they snapped back at attention.
“Go and get me the sword of the rebel. The one Drew gave me two days ago.”
The two men didn’t move. Perhaps they were uncomfortable with the idea of a less than stable monarch wielding a deadly weapon in a heavily populated area, but you soon put those worries to rest.
“If you don’t, I may mention to my husband that a certain pair of his soldiers believe that his wife is a witch.”
The two men raced off as if their lives depended on their task at hand… which was probably the case… You truly did hope that there would be no need for what they were fetching. You truly hoped that the contest would end in a clear way, or that Slibhin didn’t dare to protest the eventual outcome, whatever it may be. You prayed that you would be able to look the two guards in their terrified eyes and order them to take it back to the castle before the King learned that it had been “stolen”. But you needed the traitor’s sword just in case. Just in case.
At last, you turned your attention back to the task at hand.
The blurred faces of the spectators didn’t hold the fascination and awe that they did when you first rode into town. You dragged your feet through the crowd, absently pushing through the field of brown and grey, searching for silver. As your vision slowly began to uncloud itself, you looked at the scores; there was nothing there. The two men who were making the tally marks just sat and stared with eyes wide as the moon.
Of course this was the last nail. Of course the two were tied at the last nail. Of course.
You couldn’t will yourself to care who won. You just wanted it to be over. Still shuffling forward, you somehow managed to reach the very front of the gathering, all but coming face to face with Drew.
He was turned to the side, hammering away at the anvil. Each hit triggered sparks which illuminated his features. He was tired. His skin seemed to be slipping off of his face. The amber coloring against his black, soot covered body was terrifying. He looked like death.
“Drew.” It was less than a whisper. You didn’t even feel air pass your lips, but you called for your husband. He heard you. Though he didn’t look at you, you saw his jaw clench and a tear fall roll down his cheek, leaving a trail of clean skin in its wake. When it fell, it landed on the piece of metal he was hammering away at, causing a sinister hissing noise. Your eyes fell to the anvil where Drew was banging his tool on a rod of metal, trying to break a piece off; for the final length of the nail, no doubt.
Though you didn’t tell your eyes to move, they did anyway. You looked past Drew to see the smithing woman shaping the head of an already broken off, and squared length of metal. Her nail was almost finished. She was about 30 seconds ahead of him. Just then, another set of tears fell, but this time it came from Sigrdrífa, who was standing opposite Breun; across the anvil. Tears of joy.
You returned your attention to your husband, whose breath was ragged and uneven. He was crying like a child. A child who had lost a game. There was no higher form of sadness and despair.
“It’s alright. It’s almost over.”
Drew shook his head violently.
“It’s alright. We can go home soon.”
You didn’t even know where you found the energy to speak. There was nothing left inside of you. You couldn’t even feel happy for Breun, even though your compassion for her was what started this in the first place. You just wanted all this to end. You wanted to watch it all end. And it was going to end with Breun.
Looking up at the smith again, you were able to see that the nail was done and her hand was reaching for her tongs so that she could carry it to her barrel. You felt an air brush past you as your eyes caught a glimpse of something… fashionable. A dainty hand from an ornate sleeve snatched the tongs from off the anvil. You turned your head to see Slibhin, eyes wide, holding the tongs against his chest.
You knew what was going to happen next, but what you didn’t expect was the sound. Not only did Breun lunge at her brother, but she tipped over the anvil in the process, sending it crashing to the ground with her.
Slibhin shrieked like a woman as he was beaten. Half of the crowd cheered at the sniveling coward being taught a lesson, while the other half gasped in horror, believing that the sounds he made were actually coming from the frail, silver girl they had seen rush past them a moment ago.
As for you, you couldn’t deny that watching the boy whipped gave you a great satisfaction, but your heart sunk upon closer inspection of the actual brawl.
Breun wasn’t actually trying to strike her brother, but instead was trying to recover the tongs from his grasp. But considering that she spent two days exhausting herself, and that the boy was squirming like the worm he was, that task appeared to be impossible.
All this while, you saw fire return to your husband’s eyes. He let out a yell as he slammed his hammer down, separating the piece of metal from the rod. He didn’t even try to shape the metal into an actual nail. He just threw his hammer down and reached for his own tongs.
“NO!”
Your neck snapped to Breun, who (while still struggling with her brother) looked at your husband with fear and loathing in her eyes. He was cheating again. He wasn’t honoring the rules of a fight, like he did when the two first locked up. Her eyes were bright red with tears. With her attention diverted, Slibhin was able to squirm out of her grasp and run off, tongs in hand.
Out of the corner of your eye, you swore you saw Drew smirk. He used his tongs to grab the metal, and turned away from her. You wanted to say something, but you knew that nothing you could say would change Drew’s mind about the forge, about Slibhin, about Sigrdrífa and Breun, about anything. To be honest, you were a bit relieved that you had no control over the situation. It was as if no one could blame you anymore. You were surprised as something resembling peace slowly washed over you. You let your eyes flutter to a close and sighed in relief.
That small sanctuary of stillness was shattered like glass when you heard this noise. It was a wail, a shriek, a scream of pain, a howl of desperation, a squeal of something small trying to defeat something big. You opened your eyes and saw Breun, sprinting like she was being hunted; smoke emanating from her closed fist.
You would swear until your final day that you could see the orange glow of the nail burning through her palm, the blaze visible through the back of her hand.
Drew didn’t even have time to look over at her. The smith lunged herself toward her barrel, her arm just reaching over it, and dropped her finished nail on top of the 999 others she had forged.
Clink.
The crowd erupted. In cheers, nonetheless. Whether the smith won their support by her performance, or they were all so happy the damned contest was over, you couldn’t tell. Breun let herself fall to the ground, not even clutching at her still burning hand. The dead skin and blisters of her palm had a few little embers burning at the edges, making it look like she was holding stars.
Everything else seemed to fall into place after that. Drew’s body gave out and he fell into the dirt. Sigrdrífa ran and threw herself onto her lover, holding her face and placing thousands of kisses on her forehead and cheeks, all the while sputtering out Norse gibberish... and crying, for what you hoped would be the last time this century. Breun was whispering things as well.
“Safe… yer safe now… safe… little one… safe… safe...”
You had hoped for a moment that this would be the image their story ended on.
The beautiful hope was dashed once the previously disappeared Slibhin fell in front of Drew, shaking his shoulders and screaming fruitlessly into his face.
“You can’t do this! I’m the only one who can run the smithy! Without me, there would be no smithy! Every single thing that… beast has forged was because I made her! Your Majesty, if I’m not in charge of my sister… this town will collapse! Your kingdom-”
That was when Drew pushed Slibhin away, letting out a growl of agony while doing so. You rushed to Drew, trying to find some way of comforting your husband, but then the boy switched targets, clinging to your skirt and groveling at your feet.
“My Queen. My beautiful, fair, flawless Queen. You now realize that you have made a grave mistake. And I know that you will do what’s right in fixing it. I know that you let your emotions control you when it came to my sister. You were entranced by a woman being able to perform a man’s task, but you must understand: the only reason she ever smithed anything in the first place was because I allowed it! I ordered it! I have made deals regarding everything she has ever forged! Before this month, my sister never even picked up a hammer without me saying so! She’s obeyed me all her life! I’m the reason for her success! Please, I beg of you; allow me to serve the realm through my forge!”
Your patience was at its absolute limit with this one. You glanced back at the crowd. Most of them had turned and left for their homes now, knowing that as soon as their head hit the pillow, it would not be coming back up in at least two days. There were a few stragglers, who had stayed behind to ogle at the exhausted competitors. Luckily, castle guards who had been standing watch over the crowd herded the onlookers away. Good. No one would be around to witness their Queen beat the ever-loving shit out of one of her subjects.
Both fortunately and unfortunately, before you were even able to clench your fist, you heard two voices calling out to you between their panting and coughing.
“Your… Majesty… we… we were able to locate the… the sword,” sputtered one.
“My… My Queen… the… the traitor’s... sword,” tried the other. He fell to one knee and presented the sheathed blade to you. With a swift kick, you rid your hem of the sniveling boy and walked over to the exhausted and terrified guards.
The original sheathe had been lost on the battlefield. This one clearly was taken from the armory by the two guards, just needing something to transport the weapon. The exposed hilt was made from a pitch black metal, but despite the low visibility, it was extremely well sculpted with images. The pommel was a single eye, with a pale blue gem as the iris. It looked hauntingly beautiful. Like the sky on a bright winter’s day, when the frost is hard on the ground. The length of the hit was engraved on both sides with the image of a running horse that had 8 legs. The crossguard was two ravens spreading their wings and cawing.
The guard clearly expected you to grab the entire sword, sheathe and all, but you wrapped your hands around the hilt and pulled the weapon free. Where the blade and hilt met, were the heads of two wolves, each with their mouths wide, as if swallowing the blade.
The look of fear in the eyes of everyone around you made you feel all that much more powerful. You wanted so very badly to use the sword for its intended purpose, on anyone really, but you had a burning suspicion that you desperately wanted confirmed, more than anything else.
You walked over to the side of the forge where Breun had tossed the head of an axe after embedding it in stone. With an aching arm, you raised the sword so it lay side by side with the axe.
It was a perfect match.
Both the blade of the traitor and the axe that split stone were unsightly; grisly to behold. The ripples that seemed to swim within the metals itself were identical. These pieces were unlike anything you had ever seen before.
There was no doubt in your mind that they were made by the same woman.
You marched yourself over to where Breun and Sigrdrífa lay. The smaller of the two was busy trying to heave the larger one into the house. No doubt to tend to her. The smith looked horrible, but not just because she was tired and dirty. Her breathing was labored and heavy. Her chest was expanding and contracting rapidly. You could hear her struggle to inhale. Her arms and legs were shaking uncontrollably, with the tremors kicking up dirt around her. Sweat poured from every part of her skin and her face was beet red, no doubt with fever.
Ignoring the smith’s state, you stood over her, the sword in your clenched fist. You didn��t care about the look of terror on Sigrdrífa’s face. If she wanted to believe that you were about to hurt Breun, then that was her own foolishness. You held the blade across your body, letting the smith see the entirety of it; all of its details.
“You made this.” It wasn’t a question. Breun’s eyes took a second to focus on you, then the blade, then back to you. You could tell she was holding onto consciousness by a thread.
“Aye.”
You were satisfied. Taking a step back and turning on your heel, your eyes fell once again on Slibhin. He was looking at his sister with his jaw so agape that you thought it was going to fall off. His eyes were as wide as an owl’s. It took everything in your power not to cut him down right then and there as he opened his mouth to lie to you once more.
“She admits it. In it’s feverish state the brute lets the truth come to light. She has committed treason, but knows not the severity of her confession. Your Majesty, please find it in your heart to spare my feebleminded sister her life. Yes, her crime is very worthy of a long and painful death, but you must remember that without her, there would be no smith in your village… an essential part of any local economy. Please allow her to continue her practice… under my strict supervision. I promise you that I will do the thinking for her.” Slibhin started to snicker. “You… you clearly see that she has no judgement… she has even brought herself nearly to the brink of death by challenging her King!”
You wanted to plunge the sword through his neck when he threw his head back in laughter. But instead, you joined him in his mocking. You glanced back at Sigrdrífa, whose face was painted with confusion; but not fear. She knew you were up to something, and she knew that you were on her side, but she didn’t know what you were planning.
“It is true,” you said, turning back to the boy. “that your sister is very dull-witted.” Slibhin’s eyes showed a sense of relief that you hated for him to have, but were delighted to know you were about to take it all away. “I would guess… that your sister forged enough weapons and armor for the traitor and his generals… and didn’t even know what it was for!” He laughed even harder at that, assured that you suspected nothing of him, that you finally came around to hating his sister as much as he did.
“But you, on the other hand, are well aware of every deal you make. And you’re very smart about it too, I’ll bet.” Slibhin bowed in mock humility, still bursting with chuckles. He gave you a beaming smile. He felt comfortable. Good.
“And you were well aware of the deal you made with the traitor. You were well aware of what you were making, who would use them, and what they would be used for.”
Slibhin’s facial expression didn’t change one bit. The phony smile stayed plastered onto his face, but you were able to notice the light leave his eyes. You knew that given enough time, he would conjure some words that would allow him to weasel his way free, escape the situation unscathed, mold his circumstances to his liking and find a way to enrich himself while dragging those around him down. You were not going to give him that time.
“Guards. Arrest this boy for acting as a conspirator and as a traitor.”
During the time you were talking with Slibhin, several royal guards and servants from your keep had come down to try and wrangle their monarchs back into the keep, so there were more than enough people more than willing to take care of whatever needed to be taken care of. A plethora of men, and a few scullery maids and stable boys as well, descended upon him. He barely tried to fight them off, only flinging his arms in a weak, sluggish manner. His eyes stayed wide, but now his smile was now gone. Instead, his mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water. After he was forced to his knees by two rather large washerwomen and his hands were bound, he finally found his voice.
“M-My… my... my sister-”
“-smithed under the direction of you and your father for her entire life, and if you somehow believe that you can convince me that she was the one responsible for all this I will save myself some time and cut your head off right here.”
You brandished the traitor’s sword and held it above the boy’s head. He shivered and shook and in that moment, you knew what Drew felt like when he passed judgement on criminals and lowlifes. It made you feel too powerful. Slibhin reeked of fear and you inhaled the stench like it was a gift from the Gods. As if it made you stronger. You looked over to where your husband lay, scanning his broken body until you met his eyes. He was looking at you as if you were a storm. Powerful, terrible, beautiful, and part of him wanted to run into you just to feel your chaos for himself. But you also noticed the tiniest glint of fear as well. You had never acted like this. He didn’t know you could act like this. You didn’t even know you could act like this. But you could; and you were.
Just then, you felt the beginnings of hunger swirl around in your stomach. Not for food, but for him. It reminded you of when your King teased you in the great hall as he held court. When you longed for his hands on you. When you longed for him to take you. To fuck you.
But this time, it was different. You weren’t fantasizing about his power. You weren’t thinking about the things he decided he would do to you. Instead you were lusting after the power that you felt inside yourself. You weren’t feeling gracious for any affection the King showed you. You felt entitled to pleasure. You deserved it. You were the Queen of Scotland, and you wanted to make sure he knew it.
A knowing smirk formed from the corner of your mouth and you winked at Drew. His mouth fell open slightly and his eyes flashed with an emotion that you didn’t recognize.
“B-b-but why? Why would I betray my King and Queen? I-I need you to maintain my status.”
You clenched your jaw so tightly you thought your teeth were going to crack. Your head swiveled back to the kneeling boy who took a small victory in making you turn around to pay attention to him once more. His ears perked up and he straightened his back a bit. He reiterated his point.
“Why would I choose to make so many weapons, to start a war, when I had already achieved everything I wanted?”
You didn’t want to answer him. You didn’t care enough to answer him. You knew he was wrong. You knew he was guilty. You knew he was…
But…
A shadow of doubt crept up from your stomach through your throat. From the bottom of your heart, you felt that the boy was evil, but you had no evidence. No proof that he was a slimy, conniving, untrustworthy, unfaithful, traitorous-
“Because you did not have a choice…”
Sigrdrífa stood timidly by the incoherent, mumbling smith. A few fingers from her hand covering her mouth. Her eyes stared off into nothing, but you saw her mind working something out. A scornful, mocking laugh was heard, and Slibhin forced a look of amusement on his face.
“No choice? I alone was in charge of-”
“You were forced to make weapons and armor…to pay for… me…”
Time stopped. Fire and ice chased one another up and down your spine. You felt everything and nothing all at once. Your knees felt so stiff that they would snap if you attempted to move. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Breun vomit out some burgundy, watery liquid into the dirt by her head. It went unnoticed by everyone else, who was busy staring at the silver girl. Sigrdrífa looked at you. You must have had a stupid look on your face, as she turned and kept talking to Slibhin, as if trying to indirectly explain everything to you.
“If you did not… my father would have taken me back… and… without me… you would not be the son of a noble...and you would have no right to the forge. You had no choice.”
A small giggle left her. You looked at her incredulously. She moved over to her husband. Breun let out a weak whine and reached out, as if trying to stop her from getting any closer to him, but the girl knelt down, putting her face inches away from his.
“You had no choice.” she repeated, savoring the words. Slibhin’s head fell limp. His shoulders shook as he heaved sporadic breaths. His once captive wife had just proved his guilt. She had just sentenced him to death.
You couldn’t help but smile when you saw him weeping. It felt like this was your reward for enduring his utter bullshit for as long as you had. You could only imagine how Sigrdrífa felt. She was the one who had lived with him… or rather lived under him for so long.
Her beaming smile was bright enough to guide ships to shore in the dead of night… at first. You saw her eyes study him, probably mining for more of that satisfaction of seeing the boy defeated. But as the tears ran from his eyes, the snot ran from his nose, and the dribble ran from his lip, the silver girl’s expression started to change. Her eyes began to dart back and forth, trying to absorb all of the pain and anguish her husband was displaying right in front of her eyes. You could tell she was beginning to get unnerved; nervous and unsure. Then Slibhin lifted his face to meet his wife.
His eyes bright red, he opened his mouth to let out some kind of silent cry. You watched as he sniveled and pleaded with his body for… mercy, forgiveness, any ounce of her conscience she was willing to spare him.
For a moment, you let yourself believe that she would show him mercy. Instead, she turned away from him. Without a moment's hesitation. He had already used up every ounce of her kindness, her patience, and her sympathy. Her eyes instead met with the smith’s. That was where her kindness, her patience, and her sympathy lay. That was where her heart lay. In the dirt, and the dust, and the ashes.
So, naturally, Slibhin had no other choice.
With his wrists still bound, he rushed forward and threw his hands over her head and yanked her close to him, effectively trapping her by her neck and pinned her on the ground. He looked Drew in the eye and he began to scream.
“MY KING! MY KING! I GIVE YOU THE DAUGHTER OF THE TRAITOR! TAKE HER! TAKE HER AND KILL HER! CUT HER FUCKING HEAD OFF! ENSLAVE HER! RAPE HER, EVEN! DO WHAT YOU WISH! I AM YOUR LOYAL SERVANT! JUST TAKE THE BITCH AND LET ME LIVE! I LOVE SCOTLAND! I LOVE MY KING! PLEASE-”
Breun lunged herself across the ground and struck Slibhin. You knew he would never speak again. His jaw went sideways and blood poured out of his mouth. His teeth fell and skittered across the soot. The noise he made was primeval. If an animal had made that same sound, even the cruelest of men would concede and put it out of its misery. His body squirmed and twitched. Sigrdrífa was finally able to break free of his hold, though she was covered in his blood and scratched by his flailing. Breun was hurt in her own right, obviously.
It was funny. At the very beginning of this entire ordeal, the very sight of what was in front of you would have left you petrified.
Instead, you snapped your fingers and motioned for the boy to be restrained. And restrained he was. Though the shrieking and gurgling didn’t stop. Slibhin looked at you and tried to speak, but that was quite impossible. You looked down at Sigrdrífa. She had crawled her way over to Breun, draping herself over the bigger woman with her mouth to her ear, whispering something that didn’t concern you.
“Guards!” At least a dozen men in armor presented themselves before you. “Take this boy to the dungeons. Put him with our other prisoners… and make sure that they know everything that he has said about their little sister.”
Your men smiled at you, showing that they would be happy to carry out your order. They marched the prisoner off as he shrieked and wailed indistinct sounds of agony, defeat, and fear of what was still to come. You were done with him.
Turning now to Breun and Sigrdrífa, you saw the smaller one look up at you. Just as you went to take a breath to speak, she spoke your previous words back to you.
“‘Make sure that they know everything he has said about… their little sister?’”
That struck you. All this time, she probably didn’t know if her brothers were alive. If her father was killed in battle, it would be logical to assume that her brothers did as well. Her brothers to whom she owed her life. You smiled and nodded your head.
Sigrdrífa’s voice was barely above a whisper, but you clearly made out the names of her two brothers.
“Erik... Ivar…”
The peace was interrupted by Breun’s grumbling. She lifted her head from the dirt to look at you, but her eyes couldn’t focus. Her face was bright red and beads of sweat littered her face. You turned to your soldiers and opened your mouth to issue the command...
“FOR PITY’S SAKE SOMEONE TAKE THE GIRL INSIDE! AND FETCH A HEALER DAMMIT!”
Your jaw stayed wide as you turned your head to your husband, who was still lying in the dirt, but whose voice still commanded respect. His eyes were fixated on the smith. Men scrambled to pick up a nearly incapacitated Breun, which proved to be quite the challenge as the smith seemed to think that everyone that was trying to move her was, in fact, challenging her to a fistfight. A servant ran down the road to find a healer that could not only treat the girl, but possibly survive her left hook as well.
Luckily for every man in Scotland, Sigrdrífa was able to calm the rowdy young lady enough so that she could be moved into the house. As she herself was about to walk through the front door, she stopped and looked back at you. Though she still had blood stained in her hair and on her clothing, and the exhaustion in her eyes matched the shaking of her legs, she looked more calm and content than ten thousand queens. She nodded to you, a gesture of comradery and of finality before shutting the door, not even giving you a chance to respond.
Drew had been much more lucid than his female counterpart and was rushed back to the keep quickly and quietly. He wouldn't look anyone in the eye and said nothing to anybody. The servants had the sense to go about their duties and disregarded their King. By now you had reached your shared chambers. The guards gently set Drew in your bed as you stood by the fireplace, next to a tub of water that you had requested be filled. You needed a bath. Drew grumbled and winced, ashamed that you could see him like this. One man even attempted to cover the King in a blanket, but was stopped when Drew looked at him with a scowl so deep, you were certain his face would stay like that forever. Drew wasn’t one to be coddled.
The servants bowed their heads to you as they backed out of the room. You heard one mutter to you, “Let us know if you need us,” before he shut the door behind him, leaving you alone with your husband.
Drew didn’t say anything to you, nor you to him. He looked straight up at the canopy of your bed, as if seeing through it to the ceiling. You let yourself sigh. Your husband’s eyes flickered at the sound, but he did not look at you. You couldn’t blame him, but it still angered you. You had just spent the past two days dealing with an immature brute, and you didn’t know if you could handle another one.
First thing was first, you were going to get into that tub. Instinctively, you opened your mouth to call for your husband, asking him to help you with the laces of your dress. No sound escaped your throat, but you felt stupid all the same. Reaching behind you, you were thankful that you had torn a fair amount of the garment, but you still struggled to get a feel for what you were supposed to do. You let out a grunt of frustration as your fingers frantically picked at the back of your dress, not making any progress. Drew looked at you, and your eyes met his. He was trying not to betray his feelings through any facial expression, but you could tell that he was embarrassed. Embarrassed that he could not help you with something that he did every night.
You felt embarrassed too. Embarrassed that you were unable to do such a simple task by yourself. Though you always loved it when Drew undressed you before, now you resented your helplessness and cursed all the times you didn’t just undress yourself, like an actual self-sufficient person.
Rage bubbled inside you at the thought of your dependence on Drew. Out of nowhere, you screeched like a banshee and tore your dress clean from your skin. Standing there, completely naked in front of your husband, and not feeling shy or giddy was a new experience for you. You took the rags left of the dress and threw it into the fireplace. The heavy cloth covered the flames and greatly dimmed the room, but you could still see your husband’s eyes fixed on you.
Half wanting to cover yourself for modesty, half wanting to punish Drew by not having him see you, you quickly hopped into the tub. The servants had left a scrubbing brush and some soap for you, but you didn’t even think about using them. You just wanted to sit and brood. You were so exhausted that you were certain the warm water would lull you to sleep before you even attempted to clean yourself. If you did fall asleep in the tub, and your head went underwater, you guessed that Drew wouldn’t even be able to save you in time.
“My Queen.”
You had no desire to look at him, but your head turned toward him nonetheless. You couldn’t will your lips to curl into a smile, which you usually did when you looked at your husband. His body was so bruised and battered that you couldn’t look anywhere but his eyes, but that was no better as they were red and tired, threatening tears. His Adam’s apple was quivering. His lips were slightly parted. His voice barely a whisper.
“Forgive me.”
And you forgave him.
Right then and there, you forgave him. Every single sin he had committed in your eyes: the arguing, the fighting, the brutishness, leaving you behind, failing to win. Everything was absolved. You kicked yourself mentally for not being able to hold a grudge, even for just one evening. However, you were saved by the fact that your face was too exhausted to change from the mask of apathy and disregard that you wore. To Drew, you were still his scowling, disappointed Queen.
Some Queen I am. Sitting hunched naked in a tub, covered in filth. Bitter and defeated. I’ve never felt LESS like a Queen. I don’t feel like the wife of a King. I don’t even feel like a wife. I don’t even feel like a woman…
You looked down. Through the muddy water you were able to see your body. Bruises and scratches and scrapes covered it. Your skin was pasty and shriveled. In certain areas, it was rubbed raw from friction with the tighter parts of your dress. Any little touch on any little bit of your body would only hurt you. But you wanted to be touched. You didn’t care how much it would bring you pain. You wanted to be touched by Drew. To be held by Drew. To be loved by Drew. To be fucked-
The fireplace roared back to life as the flames finally caught hold of your discarded dress, engulfing it. The room brightened as if it were almost day. You looked at Drew. His eyes were squinted, as he couldn’t even lift his hands up to shield his eyes.
So you did it for him.
You rose from the tub, your shadow completely covering Drew. His eyes popped open and he looked at you. You swore you could almost feel the air move as he gasped, taking in your form.
“You told me… that despite how beaten down you were… you still had the strength to take me… to ravage me… You told me you still had the endurance to turn me into a… a whimpering mess.”
You tried to keep your voice even and cold. Drew held you with his eyes and for a moment you were excited. You saw his muscles tense up as he attempted to lean forward. Your body shivered from the night air and from anticipation. You closed your eyes and bit your lip, your body’s memory reliving all the times Drew would pick you up and throw you on your shared bed, giving you the love from a wounded warrior, whose heart still beat with hot blood.
“My Queen…” You opened your eyes again to see Drew with his head back on the pillows, his muscles shaking, his chest heaving from his panting. He ever so slowly was able to bring his head back up enough to look at you. “I… I can’t.” His lip was quivering and his eyelids were fluttering. The fireplace dimmed once more as the flames had eaten up the rest of your dress, leaving a small glow of singed fabric behind. Your body stopped shivering in the cold air. It stopped feeling cold. It stopped feeling anything. You stood there in the tub with your mouth slightly open and your eyebrows raised in confusion and sadness.
Of course he wouldn’t be able to take you. You were stupid to even think that he could. You were cruel to ask him to try. And he did try. After everything he had gone through, he still wanted to try and please you. You mentally kicked yourself for trying to get him to exhaust himself further.
Then, you heard… breathing. You couldn’t really describe it. It wasn’t whimpering, and it wasn’t sobbing. Just a strange kind of breathing. You turned again to Drew who had his jaw and his eyes clenched tight. He looked so helpless.
You moved to him. You couldn't even feel yourself walking. You were gliding. Before you knew it you were crawling over the sheets of your bed, staining them with the grime that rubbed off your body.
When you were next to him on the bed, he tried to turn his neck and look at you, but he winced. You kissed cheek and whispered to him. “Just lay with me, my love.”
You lay your head on his heart, mindful of his wincing as you brushed by the bruises on his chest. Your eyelids grew heavy as you listened to the rhythm of Drew’s heartbeat. Through your lashes you saw your husband fight to keep his eyes open, just to look at you. You turned and wrapped your two small arms around one of his massive ones and heaved it so it lay over you. So he was holding you. Drew sighed contently. The very next sounds that came from him soft snores as you yourself felt all the pain of the last three days melt away.
Then you slept.
I am so very honored and so awed that someone dedicated their time to create a fanfic for my fanfic universe....that’s.....that’s so beyond incredible and I haven’t been able to wrap my mind around it. This tribute fic was absolutely amazing. I legit read this fic until 3 am when I was given it. I couldn’t stop reading it and I loved every small detail and the story telling. Thank you again, @tinkerbell-has-chlamydia for this fic. Truly. Thank you so much. I’m so honored you adored my fics enough to write this. From the bottom of my heart; THANK YOU. ~Bri 💛🖤 (Again this fic is NOT MINE. I was given permission to post it here and place it on my masterlist)
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#drew mcintyre#drew mcintyre x reader#my king#my king series#my king series tribute#fanfic for my fanfic#WOW!!!!#not my work#not my writing#not my fic#i do not claim ownership#tinkerbell-has-chlamydia
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For SunnySidesofBlue who requested more Consort AU? First meeting between Optimus and Chromia, ending with him telling her to go find Ironhide?
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Chromia is there when Optimus Prime arrives home, Consorts in his wake. There’s an array of guards around her, not to mention those stationed along the route between the Prime Manor and the Prime Estate.
She’d wasted no time in reorganizing the Primal Guard upon her arrival, appalled at the disorganized state of it, and the general lack of discipline in those who are part of the guard. She has a list of those she intends to retire, and those she hopes to hire in replacement, but it must be approved by the Prime before she can fully enact the changes.
She hopes Optimus Prime is reasonable.
She stands at the foot of the ramp leading up into the Manor, at ease but paying attention to her surroundings. The Prime has not had chance to make too many enemies yet, but Chromia would rather be cautious.
He has also not made an enemy of her yet, and whether or not he will remains to be seen.
Optimus Prime is the first to disembark, stepping from the shuttle with a small smile on his face, his armor gleaming in the overhead lights. He is a larger mech -- larger than her -- but he carries himself like a civilian. He doesn’t have the presence of a warrior, not like her Ironhide.
He approaches her, hand extended, and says, “You must be Chromia. It is a pleasure to finally meet you in person.”
Chromia lifts her chin, returns the gesture. His grip, at least, is firm. “I appreciate the opportunity you’ve given me,” she says, and tries not to make it obvious that she’s trying to look past him. It’s not Ironhide who emerges next, however, it’s the shuttle, Skyfire.
She’s made it a point to look into and study the other nine Consorts. Their connections might also be a danger for Optimus Prime, or for their fellow Consorts. Chromia knows to consider all angles, and keeping Optimus Prime and his Consorts safe, means keeping Ironhide safe as well.
She has to admit, she admires Optimus Prime’s prudence. One way to ensure his own protection is to hire someone who’s deeply invested in the safety of one of his Consorts.
“I could think of none other more qualified,” Optimus Prime says. He releases her hand and tucks his behind his back. “Would you walk with me?”
Damn.
“Of course.” She smiles, casts one more glance over her shoulder, but next to disembark is Ratchet and Prowl, not her Ironhide.
She falls into step beside Optimus Prime, nodding at Moonracer -- her current second in command. This has been the only appointment she was allowed to make without the Prime’s approval.
Moonracer will watch over the Consorts while Chromia goes with Optimus Prime. She’ll also let Chromia know when Ironhide disembarks, and if he’s in any condition other than perfect health.
“If there is anything you need to do your job effectively, please let me know. I will ensure you have access to it,” Optimus Prime says as they head into the Manor proper, the vast entryway threatening to swallow their voices.
“Complete control over my staff would be appreciated,” Chromia says.
Optimus Prime heads to the lift, and while they wait, he looks at her, confused. “You should already have it.”
It takes all Chromia has not to scowl. “I don’t.”
Irritation flickers in the Prime’s field before it’s gone again. “It may be some vestigial request of my predecessor. I will ensure control of the staff reverts to you.”
“Thank you,” Chromia says.
The lift arrives, taking them upward, to what seems to be Optimus’ office. She’s been here long enough to familiarize herself with the floorplan. Moonracer pings her mere seconds after they step out of the lift.
“He looks whole and well, Chromia. He and the medic have become friends, it seems.”
Chromia pings back her gratitude, but keeps her focus on Optimus Prime.
“Is there anything else?” Optimus Prime asks as he opens the office and gestures her inside. She follows, standing at rest in front of his desk while he moves behind it.
Chromia lifts her chin and cycles a ventilation. She has been rehearsing this moment in her head since she agreed to take this position, and she won’t falter now. “I’d like to know what restrictions you have for me.”
“Restrictions?” He cycles his optics, his expression one of genuine confusion.
She works her jaw. “With Ironhide,” Chromia says, though voicing the clarification threatens to make the anger burn in her belly all over again. “He was promised to me before, and while I understand he is yours now, I want to make sure I don’t cross some sort of line in my interactions with him.”
It hurts to say that much. Because all she wants to do is reclaim Ironhide, pull him back into her arms, and keep him forever. She can’t do that, however, so it’s best to know what little piece of him she can have.
A little has to be better than nothing.
Understanding lights Optimus Prime’s optics. He nods and looks up at her and says, “There are no restrictions.” She cycles her audials, convinced she’s heard wrong, when he continues without prompting, “I don’t wish to keep you from Ironhide. We’ve both done our parts to satisfy the requirements of the connection. As far as I am concerned, you two are free to pursue your prior relationship.”
Chromia stares at him. She still isn’t sure she’s believing her audials. She senses nothing but sincerity in Optimus’ tone -- and can’t think why he’d lie to her anyway. What would be the purpose save to be cruel? And if he were such a cruel mech, how could his Consorts disembark from the transport looking genuinely happy?
“To clarify,” Chromia says, carefully, slowly, trying not to quash the ember of hope wrapped around her spark, “I can be with him?”
“Yes.” Optimus Prime produces a datapad from subspace, which he pushes across the desk toward her. “Our bond is one of politics. He is free to form one of love with whomever he chooses.” He taps the datapad. “It is here, in writing, for reassurance.”
Try as she might, Chromia cannot find the words.
She’d expected to be told she could only interact with Ironhide in a professional manner. She’d half-expected she couldn’t be in the same room as him. At best, she’d hoped they’d be allowed to have a friendship.
This.
This is beyond her wildest imaginings.
She takes the datapad.
“You know which quarters are his, yes?” Optimus Prime says. “I think he’d be happy if you surprised him.”
Chromia clutches the datapad like a lifeline. “He doesn’t know?”
“Not in so many words.” Optimus Prime’s smile is a gentle thing. Genuine even. “I thought I’d let you share the news. We can talk more later.”
“Yes, sir.”
Chromia doesn’t linger. If the Prime finds her rude, he can chastise her later. She needs to see Ironhide for herself, see that he’s well, and hear it from his own mouth before she can let herself be at ease.
It has to be a miracle.
***
#Chromia#Optimus Prime#The Prime's Consorts#Consortium AU#Consortium#Transformers#transformers fanfic#draco loves to chat#draco writes fanfic#unedited raw fic#flash fiction fills#open mic night answers
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Thoughts on Sentinel and Ruined Skins
Alright, I plan to give my full thoughts on the entire event once it’s over, but for the time-being, I wanted to give my general thoughts on each skin so far. I’ll be putting this under a read-more for convenience.))
So I guess I’ll start by saying that I like the concept of the event as a whole, though I’ve got some gripes (as do many) with who was chosen to partake. I think, having played through the VN up to its current point, that they do a decent job justifying most of the characters who get Ruined/recruited. That said, it does annoy me that they didn’t even go all-in on the concept; one Sentinel and one Ruined champ per region could have been great, but then there are some regions that don’t even have one of each.
So yeah, in addition to giving my overall thoughts on each existing skin, I also wanna touch on who else I think could have been included.
Sentinel Vayne: In my opinion, the best Sentinel skin of the lot. Not only does it look good (arguably better than her original design) but Vayne is a natural fit for the Sentinels. She already devotes her life to hunting monsters and dark magic, so it absolutely makes sense that she would join up at least until the Ruination is dealt with.
Ruined Shyvana: I wasn’t so sure about this one at first, but I’ve warmed up to it now that we know how Viego’s possession works. Taking the worst aspects of someone’s personality and bringing them to the forefront? Yeah, go figure that Shyvana would give into her monstrous side and resentment for being persecuted almost every day of her life. You could argue that there were better picks, but hey, better Ruined Shyvana than yet another Lux skin, right?
Sentinel Olaf: While not my first choice, I can’t deny that it works in the long-run. The dude already has a history of fighting the undead in his endless quest to find a worthy foe capable of slaying him, and of course the Ruined King seems like a suitably worthy opponent for Olaf to go up against. That being said, I feel like we should have gotten a Ruined Champ from the Freljord as Olaf’s rival, rather than it just being Vex. I don’t mind Vex appearing when she did to have us encounter her for the first time, but she should have had a Ruined champ to help her, which leads me to...
Ruined Tryndamere: Come on, this one’s obvious. There are a few characters in the Freljord that might have fit the Ruined theme, but none more-so than Tryndamere, I think. The guy’s already got a whole thing about controlling his rage and trying to use it as a force for good in the Avarosa tribe. Imagine Viego corrupting Tryndamere and causing all of that primal fury to just explode forth. Plus, come ON Riot, Olaf vs Tryndamere. Battle of the Berserkers. Frankly, it’s absurd to me that Olaf hasn’t tried fighting Tryndamere already, given that they’re both too angry to die. He HAS to have at least heard about the Barbarian King, right?
Sentinel Riven: Honestly, this one is interesting to me. With the other Sentinels, we all kind of know/expect that they’ll return to normal once the event is over and go back to their status quo. Riven feels like an exception. As she stated herself in the event: she’s a wanted criminal in Noxus and it’s not exactly like she’d be super welcomed back in Ionia. She joins the Sentinels because she has nowhere else to go and no other cause to fight for once freed from Draven’s arena. Aside from Vayne, Riven feels like the one who’d most likely stay with the Sentinels once the event is over, even though I know that probably won’t happen. Still, I like her inclusion, all-in-all.
Ruined Draven: Honestly, not the one I would have picked. I mean, it’s just Draven. Absolutely nothing has changed from him being Ruined. Granted, I do think it’s absolutely hilarious that Draven’s worst version of himself is already just himself, an egotistical prick who craves attention, but there are way better picks in Noxus to see getting Ruined. I mean, the event teaser showed Darius getting possessed, and I think there’s a lot more to work with there. Also, am I the only one that thinks that Ruined Draven feels redundant when Soul Reaver Draven is already a thing?
Sentinel Diana: So this one I have some complicated feelings about. On one hand, it makes sense that Diana would join the fight against the undead for the sake of the Lunari. On the other, it feels like MOST of the Aspects should be getting involved with this. I mean, the VN has her say that the other Aspects ARE fighting the Undead all over Targon, but then you’d think we would wanna go and recruit them as well. Seriously, Taric? WTF are you, Protector? Also, Diana needing a Sentinel weapon is weird since we already confirmed that the Mist doesn’t like Celestial magic, but... Eh, the blade she gets is cool, I guess.
Ruined Pantheon: And here comes the controversial one... Right, so like many, I did not care for this skin. In fact, I still have reservations about it. I DO like that it is actually Ruined PANTHEON, because yeah, the Black Mist turns dead things undead. Go figure it could bring back the remnants of the war god lingering in Atreus. That’s a really cool idea, but there’s absolutely an argument to be made that it fucks with Atreus’s whole character arc and makes his seemingly indomitable will look like a joke... But hey, Viego himself said that he’d never be able to take a proper Aspect, which absolutely tracks, which kinda makes Atreus the only Targonian champion he COULD defeat and corrupt.
Sentinel Irelia: To be frank, not too much to say about this one. Irelia’s entire character motivation is defending her homeland against invaders, and... Yeah the undead definitely count as invaders. While someone like Shen probably would have been a better recruit for the Sentinels, Irelia works just fine.
Ruined Karma: And heeere’s another controversial one. Yeah, Karma is not the one I would have chosen. Honestly, just about anyone else from Ionia would have been a better fit for Ruination. Ruined Pantheon can be justified by the dead war god coming back and taking over Atreus’s body again, but Karma and her vessel Darha should have absolutely been able to resist it... And they kind of do. In the event, we actually do see Karma switching back and forth. She’s the only one we’ve seen fight back against Viego long enough to revert to her normal self, at least for a time. In fact, the implication that Darha is being corrupted while the entity of Karma itself fights back is neat. Still, I would have preferred Ruined Zed or something along those lines.
Sentinel Graves: OK, I love this skin. I don’t love the context around it. First of all, the fact that he’s the Sentinel for Piltover is dumb. Graves is from Bilgewater, and should have been the Sentinel we recruited there. I also don’t care for how Twisted Fate is completely missing and never even referenced from his story. Like, OK, Graves fled Bilgewater because it was already overcome with Harrowing. Fine. But... Did he just leave TF behind? If so, why does he have Fate’s blue card? There’s so much we’re missing here. I love that he’s joining just because he’s got a bone to pick with Viego, but Graves should have been the choice for Bilgewater. As for who should be the Piltover Sentinel? Well...
Sentinel Jayce: Think about it. Jayce is a character who’s had nothing to do in the Piltover/Zaun lore for ages. He already considers himself a hero and a defender of Piltover. Plus, imagine what a Sentinel version of his hammer would be like! Hell, Jayce’s whole conflict with Viktor revolves around their opposing beliefs around free will. Of course he’d have a word or two to say about the Ruined King, who’s running around and stripping people of their free will! On that note..
Ruined Viktor: Absolutely a perfect fit for Ruination. Under Viego’s influence, he could deem undeath as the next logical step of evolution, casting aside the limits of flesh and emotion for a spectral form where one’s thoughts were dictated by a single, “superior” consciousness. It would be a perfect contrast for Sentinel Jayce, and besides: we’ve already seen a ghostly version of this concept with Death Sworn Viktor. If Draven gets two undead skins, why not? Plus, we know that the Harrowing can effect machines thanks to Legends of Runeterra, so... Yeah. Ruined Viktor. Let’s go.
Sentinel Pyke: Another controversial one. While I like the general idea behind it, frankly, I would have just left Pyke as he is. We already have him fighting the undead in the Ruined King game, and we know Nagakabouros power can hurt the undead; there was no real need for him to pick up Sentinel gear. Much as I love the line “Wraiths, wraiths are on the list,” I would have just made Graves the Sentinel rep for Bilgewater and called it there.
Ruined Miss Fortune: This one just sucks. It absolutely sucks. The Sarah Fortune I know would have never gone to such lengths merely for power, especially when she already rules most of Bilgewater at this point. Her various short stories show her doing a pretty damn good job stamping out the warring factions challenging her rule, and even if she decided that she needed some kind of supernatural leg up on the competition, it’s not like Bilgewater is lacking in magic. Also, the design sucks, turning her back into the sex icon that they’ve spent the last 7 years moving her away from. Ruined Fortune sucks. As for who SHOULD have gotten the skin instead...
Ruined Gangplank: Now HERE’S a pirate lord desperate for power. He lost his ship, he lost his fleet, he lost his throne, he even lost an arm. Gangplank has been struggling to regain control of Bilgewater ever since Burning Tides, and while we haven’t heard much of him recently, it can be safely assumed that he’s not making much progress with how much control Sarah currently has. Gangplank is absolutely ruthless enough and immoral enough to bargain with the Ruined King for power. Plus, think about it: he’s already been “reborn” once, so to him, Ruination probably wouldn’t even be that big of a deal.
Sentinel Rengar: All things considered, I like this one. Rengar, I think, has one of the best justifications for joining the Sentinels. When Rengar’s jungle is invaded by wraiths, Rengar finds himself faced with monsters that even his skills cannot take down. Yeah, these undead are worthy prey challenging his reign as the apex predator in Kumungu, and if the Viego is their alpha, then he’s the target to go for. Now, obviously he’s still got a hunt for Kha’Zix that has yet to be resolved, but let’s be honest: we’re never going to see that rivalry conclude, and this is the most lore relevance Rengar has had in ages. I’m for this skin, though of course we do still have the issue of who in Kumungu would be a good Ruined rival for him. On that note...
Ruined Zyra: Alright, here me out. Ixtal as a region doesn’t have that many characters, let-alone good candidates for Ruination. Perhaps the best and most obvious candidate would be Qiyana, but I take issue with this for a few reasons. Firstly, accepting Ruination for the power to rule is already something we’ve done with MF/GP, and second, I don’t think the Shadow Isles aesthetic works super well with her elemental-swapping gameplay. I chose Ruined Zyra because, well, Zyra already wants to spread her plants far and wide across Runeterra, and the Mist would be a great method for carrying seeds, not to mention making her offspring harder to prune. Not the most deep, but yeah, I think Ruined Zyra would have been a cool concept to work with.
Lastly...
Unbound Thresh: A mistake. I’ve already made my opinions on Thresh’s lore abundantly clear in my rewrite for him, and this skin just destroys any hope for his character for me. This sexy E-Boy is unquestionably the worst thing to come out of the whole event, and whatever Riot is planning to do with Thresh in the future, it does NOT justify this design. Plus, the whole idea that an undead character can become “unbound” is just dumb. Like, when has it ever been implied that Thresh himself was actually bound in any way? He’s one of the few Shadow Isles entities that can freely leave the Mist, at least for a time! Yeah, this skin was a mistake, but Riot has to cash in on the simps, I suppose.
Anyways, I’ll give my thoughts on the story itself once this is all said and done, but for now, these are my takes on the individual skins. Hope you all enjoyed hearing me ramble.
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About [Primal Reversion] Subject [Project AZOTH]
Serena’s thoughts || Accepting
“Primal reversion... Admittedly, I don’t know much about it, aside from the very basics. It is a phenomenon in which legendary pokemon revert to their original state using the power from the environment, right...? I think it is something that should be left alone, in that case. It sounds a little similar to Xerneas’ Geomancy, and the way that their power courses through their veins to evoke a physical change. If legendary pokemon are capable of such a feat... it must surely be something to be used in the direst of situations. Say... if the world was beyond repair, thanks to a war or disaster... Or if the fabric of time and space was beginning to fall fray...”
“I guess what I am saying is that, through my limited knowledge and own beliefs... it’s nature’s way of making sure that the creators can bring balance back to the universe, should something terrible happen. Humans and other pokemon should not try to bring it about prematurely, or when it is not needed. Power like that... it could destroy everything as we know it. If... If part of Xerneas’ power was enough to almost completely wipe an entire region of all life,”
“As for project AZOTH... that was the plan used by that organisation in Hoenn, right...? To bring the world back to its very beginning... a plan that wanted to use primal reversion. I think that is the best example as to why we should leave legendary pokemon and their ability to do that alone. The world is not perfect now, and it never will be... and maybe there are many different problems that are too complex to solve straight away, or have already had irreversible effects on the planet... but it is not up to humanity to decide when it is time to reset everything, or destroy it. That is up to the legendary pokemon.”
“It is no different to Lysandre’s plan to kill everything in Kalos and start anew-- it just does not require an ancient weapon that uses the life force of hundreds of pokemon. I’m very much against it, and I’m glad it was put to a stop. I’m also glad those behind it have not attempted anything similar, and hope it remains that way and they see the error of their ways.”
#❀⊱⦃ ⏤ {ic.} ⦄⊰❀#hoennslorekeeper#❀⊱⦃ ⏤ {headcanon.} ⦄⊰❀#{thank you for the ask! This was really fun to do tbh}#{project AZOTH absolutely horrifies her tbh}
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Eternal. Chapter 3
Elizabeth was a very old vampire, used to changes and tragedies, used to adapt to the evolving world. When one night she searches for a distraction she finds someone as lost as she is, a human man that sparks an interest in her. But will that be enough? Would she risk involving him in her ageless world?
Go to First || << Previous chapter || Next chapter >>
Chapter 3: Don’t make lemonade
Elizabeth rushed through the streets at full speed, barely realising that she had left her coat in the human’s house, not caring anymore about appearances and looking human anymore. Her mind was full with thoughts about the mistake she had just made, her heart beating a mile per hour in her chest, thinking that she shouldn’t have let her emotions guide her actions.
“Fuck,” she cursed while slowing down. She was really hungry now and nothing was helping her in containing her inner beast. Slowly, her mind focused on the hunger and only the hunger, the urge to sink her fangs on anything with blood on their veins, and she felt her body revert back to the state all vampires go under high pressure, guided by their lowest and more basic instincts.
Her nose caught a delicious scent in the air. Human. Right now she didn’t care about seductions or looking human or even talking. She wanted blood and wanted it now. And this poor human was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
“What the-!” she heard the scream of the cold homeless person sitting by a burning trash can, probably trying to sleep at this late hour, in a filthy lonely dark alley where even in the bright daylight no one would dare to look inside.
A part of her mind wondered what she looked like to the man. A demon, maybe? Her reflection on his wide eyes as she grabbed his cold arm only gave her information she already knew, bright red eyes and very visible fangs poking out of her lips. Was the man religious? Was he able to understand what was happening as his blood calmed her primal state? Did he have someone who missed him at all?
She breathed some of the cold air when she dropped the now empty body at her feet. Her consciousness slowly came back like turning up the volume on a radio, and Elizabeth realized that she had killed the man.
She sighed. The world already had so much death and killing people was simply not her style; but it was her fault by not feeding properly and the vampire felt guilty for it.
“I’m sorry,” she murmured at the empty alley. No one answered.
***
“You did what!?”
“Let him leave without erasing his memories,” Elizabeth sighed for the tenth time, her voice muffled by the palm of the hand she was leaning on. She tried to look away from the eyes of her friend seated on the other chair of her kitchen table, afraid to face her wrath.
“Yeah yeah, I heard that the first damn time. Oh damn, Elizabeth, you really fucked it up bad now,” the other vampire in front of her puffed some smoke from her mouth, telling her that Lucy was really angry.
“I didn’t know what to do, ok? He said something unnerving and I… snapped. I didn’t want to erase his memories, Lucibelle, and it seemed like the best course of action.”
“‘Best course of action’ my ass, Eli.” The tiny vampire groaned and leaned back on her seat, careful not to touch the very flammable delicate wood of the ancient chair, “And don’t call me Lucibelle.”
“Yeah, sorry.”
“Don’t worry. You are one of the few that know it anyways,” the vampire sighed. “There are less and less ancients on the active lately.”
“I heard about that,” Elizabeth was grateful by the change of topic. “I wonder what is happening for them to go out of reach.”
“Dunno. At least Jonathan keeps his phone on this time. But the others, not a beep.”
A comfortable silence established between the two friends, each one on their own thoughts. The older vampire’s red eyes coursed through the spitfire in front of her, grateful to be able to call her a friend. Lucy, as she liked to be called now, has been living with her for a few years now and was there with the whole ordeal of Suzie.
The vampire looked no older than a kid, around fifteen, but in her own time she was considered almost an adult, already promised to an abusive much older man, sold by her own family for money. She had told Elizabeth that she didn’t resent them, as she could see now the logical decision in that exchange; but still, when she found out many years after the incident that they died in the Great Fire of London, she just smirked at the irony of the situation.
Their friendship was a strange one, their personalities so different and coming from very different worlds, but somehow they connected through dark humor and valued the opinion of the other’s. Lucy’s snarky comments had saved her from more than one dangerous and probably fatal situation, and her advice during the worst break up of her life helped her go on.
Something she respected about Lucy was her ability to adapt to the changing world. She was even jealous of it. Being forever a teenager wasn’t easy, and she knew of really nasty experiences her friend had decided to share, but the golden eyed vampire surpassed every hardship and got out of them stronger and more powerful. She wasn’t known as the ‘Fire demon’ for anything, after all, and it wasn’t only because of her one-of-a-kind fire powers.
“What do you think he might be feeling right now?” said vampire asked, bringing her out of her musings.
“Probably angry. And betrayed. And kind of spooked.”
“Well, yeah, no one disappears like that. No one human, at least” she gave her a disappointed look.
“I know, I know. I’m sorry,” Elizabeth put her hands in the air in defeat, looking back at the golden intensity of her friend’s eyes. “I’ll fix that.”
“You’d better.”
***
A whole week had passed and Elizabeth was burning with regrets. Being inside everyday didn’t help at all, reading wasn’t working for her right now, and when she tried to play any game of any kind, her attention dispersed to her very brief encounter with the strange human. His words when he talked about his obsession with vampires still burned in her brain like coals, consuming her until the need to know more about what he thought about her kind grew almost as big as hunger.
It was a cruel flaw of hers, that insatiable curiosity. She always wanted to know more, to know why, how, when of everything; and while it helped her find some valuable people on her life (she tried not to think about Suzie, as it was her damn curiosity what attracted her to the human at that time), it had led her to almost get killed a few times.
So that’s why she found herself once more on the queue of “Midnight Blood” with her corset and gothic-like makeup, trying to choke down the blood she just had from a random hooker on the street on her way to the club. She had just the bare minimum and the woman was okay after she wiped her memories, only a little winded. Nonetheless, she bought her dinner.
“Your ID, lady” said the big man watching the door, his hand open and waiting for her. The vampire blinked and handed him the card, barely listening to the angry whispers behind her. It seemed that she was slowing the line. “Go.”
She thanked him in a low whisper and got in the club, her ears already hurting from the loud music playing in the enormous speakers by the stage. Tonight, a group was playing some kind of grunge-ish rock, big mohawks and shiny outfits accompanied with white makeup and thick eyeliner. The lady that was singing was really into the song, eyes closed, murmuring the words of the lyrics to the microphone and making gestures with the hands as if trying to touch something that wasn’t there. It wasn’t her style at all, but she could see the sentiment in the woman’s face as she sang about a lost love and despair. She respected that.
The vampire shook her head and focused on finding one human in the sea of human flesh dancing and moving at the rhythm of the music. She looked at the veranda on the second floor, maybe hoping that he was there waiting for her. It was silly, but she really wanted to make an impression on him like William did on her. Maybe he wasn’t as curious as she was? Maybe he was really angry and didn’t want anything to do with her?
Oh my God, she thought, panicking. She thought she saw him for a moment, her sharp eyes catching a glimpse of dark blonde hair in the distance. What am I going to say?
A second look confirmed that it was him indeed, and to the utmost horror of the vampire, he was looking back at her and seemed really angry. She gulped.
Slowly, mostly because of the mass of humans bouncing around in the dance floor that didn't let her pass easily, Elizabeth walked to the glaring human leaning on the wall, arms crossed. He looked disappointed, almost like he already knew what she wanted to say and was sad about it. She wondered what kind of betrayal had happened in his life to be like this.
“You,” he said when she managed to reach him, “have some explaining to do.”
#original fiction#gil writes#writeblr#writing#exophilia#exophilia fiction#vampire#vampire fiction#urban fantasy#bisexual main character#female vampire x human#queer characters
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Favorite Reads of 2020
In this year of slowness, thank god for books to make the world a little larger again. I read several classics for the first time—Shelley’s Frankenstein and Rachel Carson’s Silent Spring and Bernadette Mayer’s Midwinter Day—all of which felt important to return to the source material, to see how these books shaped those that came after them. And I delved into new books from favorite authors whose words I will always seek out—like Kelly Schirmann’s The New World and Heather Christle’s The Crying Book—and I branched out into mystery and romance books because they kept pages turning and tidied everything up so neatly at the end, which if not my usual fare, was sorely needed in this strange year. But since I do love a list, here are the books that sung to me / inspired me / shaped me:
1. Exquisitely told and inventive in form, Women Talking by Miriam Toews centers on a group of Mennonite women in South America who discover they're being drugged and raped during the night by the men in their community. While the men are away, the women meet to decide whether they will stay and forgive their attackers, as their community’s religious leaders ask them to, or leave the colony and start anew. Their conversation over the course of two days questions the role of women, what freedom and forgiveness really mean, how to fulfill one’s calling as a woman, mother, and believer, whether one must choose one thing over another, and whether staying or leaving carries the greater risk. It’s a thoughtful and creative approach to hard questions and the complicated reasons why there’s never a right answer.
2. Ilya Kaminsky's collection, Dancing in Odessa, was one of the first books of contemporary poetry I ever read, lent to me by a friend in college, and I remember being stunned at what poetry could be and do. Deaf Republic stuns in the same way. The poems are incredibly cinematic, telling the story of an occupied town and its people and a couple who fall in love. When a young, deaf boy is shot by the soldiers, the entire town pretends deafness in rebellion, finding excuses to not understand the soldiers. They bear witness to the boy’s death and honor his life. Though a fictional town, the call to political action, to really see those who are being oppressed and stand for justice with them, is resonant for any time and place. Plus, Ilya writes the most beautiful love poems.
3. Another cinematically-inclined poetry book is GennaRose Nethercott’s The Lumberjack’s Dove. In this long poem/myth/fable, a lumberjack accidentally cuts off his hand, which turns into a dove, and then a story parts ways. The lumberjack is not just a lumberjack and the hand-turned-dove is not just a hand-turned-dove, and the story visits both an operating room and a witch, and the story, of course, is one you've heard before and one that brings surprise and wonder to the telling. I simply adored it.
"Living creatures believe they own something as soon as they love it. They refuse to believe otherwise, no matter how many times a beloved vanishes."
4. I fell in love—hard—with The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller and her exquisite, queer love story between Achilles and Patroclus. Miller’s writing is wonderful and after reading her novel Circe as well—another fantastic retelling of Greek myths—I spent the remainder of the year searching for a novel that compared.
5. Some books meet you in the right moment. The Sound of a Wild Snail Eating by Elisabeth Tova Bailey is a slow and attentive book on small things, which in 2020’s period of waiting and uprootedness was a gift. Due to chronic illness, Bailey finds herself confined to a bed with little to do. Her friend brings her a potted plant and a snail whose pace of life, matching her own, becomes a comfort and lessons her loneliness. As she watches, she learns intimately the snail's eating and sleeping habits, its daily adventures, and the conditions it best thrives in. Later she delves into the literature and science of gastropods and weaves her notes in with her own observations and stories of the snail. Her writing is light and funny and holds such tenderness for this very small creature.
"In the History of Animals, Aristotle noted that snail teeth are 'sharp, and small, and delicate.' My snail possessed around 2,640 teeth, so I'd add the word plentiful to Aristotle's description....With only thirty-two adult teeth, which had to last the rest of my life, I found myself experiencing tooth envy toward my gastropod companion. It seemed far more sensible to belong to a species that had evolved natural tooth replacement than to belong to one that had developed the dental profession. Nonetheless, dental appointments were one of my favorite adventures, as I could count on being recumbent. I could see myself settling into the dental chair, opening my mouth for my dentist, and surprising him with a human-sized radula."
6. Insecurity System by Sara Wainscott was one of my favorite books published in 2020. The poems in it make up four crowns—a series of sonnets in which the last line of each poem becomes the first line (or an echo of it) of the next. The playfulness of the form as well as the topics give the book an energy: Sara muses on time travel, levitation, memory, flowers ("people who read poems know a rose / is how the poet drags in genitalia"), motherhood, Mars, and mythical transformations (children tell their mothers they have turned to seals “and it is true”). Sara is funny and wry, and yet she also captures some difficult emotions of grief and depression, a struggle with complacency amid daily obligations “Sentences become drawn out affairs / but I am doing what I can / to answer one word each day.” The poems move from the mundane to a hard feeling and then onward to wonder and a bit of the fantastical, which I guess is just how life goes—I love how these emotions are all rolled together and always shifting.
7. Asiya Wadud’s powerful long poem Syncope is one I’ve returned to often throughout the year. She tells the story of 72 refugees who fled Tripoli in an inflatable boat in 2011 and were stranded for 14 days, despite the presence of 38 maritime vessels who could have rescued them, but didn’t. Instead, only 11 passengers survived. Syncope is both an indictment against those who did not act and a eulogy for the dead, returning humanity to people who were deemed not worth saving but who were “luminous in that / we were each born under the / fabled light of some star.”
“We began as 72 ascendants by that I mean we were a collective many each bound for greatness merely in the fact that we were each still living”
8. Eula Biss’s Having and Being Had is a thoughtful and exploratory conversation about capitalism and its effects on what we do and how we think. In a series of short vignettes, Eula picks apart what consumption, work, accounting, and investment mean on a personal and everyday level (albeit a white, middle class level). Who defines value among boys trading Pokemon cards and how did Monopoly's origins in economic injustice shift to pride in bankrupting players and if one of Eula's favorite things about being a new house owner is easy access to a laundry machine, is her house merely a $400,000 container for one washer and dryer? Her essays bounce from work that is valued, unseen or shamed; the perceptions and realities of being poor or rich; our approach to gift-giving and art-making and pleasure—weaving together research, observations, and conversations with friends.
9. In Grief Sequence, poet Prageeta Sharma’s grieves the loss of her husband in a kind of journal, tracing the memories of his diagnosis, the hard and normal days, the days before diagnosis, and the days after he is gone during which she tries to make sense of her new reality: “How gauche it is to be in this body being unseen by you now,” she writes. “You are not you anymore and I am trying to understand how a human with feelings has disappeared.” Her writing is excellent but it is hard to sit with and next to her pain, and it makes me wonder: when does one read such a book? When you’ve also lost a beloved to cancer? To be in conversation with someone who has, with Prageeta? Do you read for the sake of the living or to honor a body who was once here? Prageeta writes, “Poetry and grief are the same: you are taught to care about it when it happens to you.” I don’t know who to recommend this book to, but it spoke to me, and I’m glad she wrote it, as a monument, of sorts, to a specific togetherness and to a person.
10. The Lives of the Monster Dogs by Kirsten Bakis is a strange and sweet book about a race of genetically-engineered dogs, created initially to be soldiers, who move to New York in the ‘90s while still holding onto the customs and dress of nineteenth-century Prussia, which is to say: I don't know if I ever would have picked this book up had a friend not recommended it. Told through news clippings, letters, journal entries, an opera(!), and the first-person account of a human who befriends them, their story has echoes of Frankenstein as the monster dogs reflect on their creator and what it is to be human, to have purpose and hope, to wrestle with a clouded past and an uncertain future. "It's a terrible thing to be a dog and know it," writes one monster dog scholar after some of the dogs begin to revert back to their primal state. I loved the varied forms, the piecing together of the dog’s history, and the surreal mark they left in the book’s world and my world.
For more books throughout the year, follow along on Instagram at book.wreck.
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So I know the Steven Universe movie clarified that Steven is Steven and any true consciousness of Pink Diamond is gone but what if Steven’s existence is a byproduct of Pink Diamond’s corrupted gem? P.s I don’t know if this theory has been posited before but here I go
Corruption causes gems to forget who they are. For all gems it turns them into something primal but I theorize that a corrupted diamond could absolutely elevate the absence of self from primal instinct with or without intention.
Often times a corrupted gem will adopt the appearance and behaviors of the creatures around them. So many gems have jellyfish, fish, and bug like characteristics to name a few. None of these are necessarily native to their planet but they blend in with the Earth’s ecosystem.
This corruption happened well before humans were at the population rate that we see let alone that population sprawled out. Pink had seen and enjoyed humans at this time but outside of the diamonds and those working at the zoo it appears that other gems had little to no contact with the human race. It makes sense that other gems would not adopt any human features or characteristics in their corruption but I firmly believe that Pink could.
Corruption can also exists in stages as demonstrated by Centipedle.
I would also like to point out quickly that corrupted, cracked, and shattered gems are all different states. A gem does not have to appear damaged to be damaged so there would be no reason for White to comment on a crack for a corrupted Pink at the end of the original series.
This is also a viable explanation for how Steven was created since the series gives no insight into how human/gem reproduction would work.
What really sells this theory, for me anyway, isn’t the mechanics of corruption or a lacking explanation of Stevens conception but the staggering number of dialogue and story evidence that exist when keeping this theory in mind.
“I thought you'd never want to hurt anyone! You hurt everyone! How could you just leave Garnet, and Amethyst and Pearl, and-and Dad?! They don't know what to do without you! Maybe they didn't matter to you as much as hiding the mess you made! And that's why I'm here, isn't it?! Did you just make me so you just wouldn't have to deal with your mistakes?!” - Steven, Storm in the Room
While Steven ultimately decides to give Rose the benefit of the doubt later in this scene Rose isn’t really there to answer. Steven rationalizes good intentions onto his mother but creating Steven to either escape or fix her mistakes is 100% within Rose’s character.
As Pink, Rose created other Rose Quartz in order to maintain her disguise. She has already given life to multiple beings in pursuit of correcting her mistake of asking for a colony. She even goes as so far as to give them aspects of her personality in addition to her physical traits as Rose. Steven comments in Steven Universe: Future that he and the other quartz are “like siblings.”
Pink created her ego of Rose to fix her mistakes as well but it failed in the greater picture. Now, as Rose, she’s left with corrupted gems. I theorize she attempted to heal them in secret and, of course, failed. At some point, she would have come to the same conclusion that Steven would come to later: healing corruption takes more than one diamond.
But how would Rose get help from the diamonds? She’s their enemy. She can’t return as Pink because Pink is dead. Even if she miraculously returned; why would they listen to her now when they didn’t back then? She can’t reconcile the two identities without admitting the betrayal of both the Crystal Gems and the diamonds. She’s so used to running and hiding and lying that she is unwilling to accept the consequences of coming forward which could cost her Earth itself.
So Rose can’t just create another identity for herself to assume in order to fix these mistakes too. It would just be another layer of lies that would bury her deeper and yield who knows what consequences.
If only there was someone who had attachments to Rose and Pink diamond but was blameless because they are neither Rose nor Pink, who could uncover her secrets. Someone to unbubble Bismuth. Someone who could unite humans, Crystal Gems, and the diamonds because they can be all three at once. Isn’t it awfully convenient that Steven fits that exact profile?
Rose corrupted her gem to make Steven. Steven’s physical form is copied largely from Greg. The corruption erases the identity of Rose and Pink Diamond so completely that Steven is not aware of having been them except for the occasional flashback of memory upon processing that Rose was Pink.
It’s also strange that Steven keeps glowing pink in Steven Universe: Future. That his hair and body resemble Pink in some scenes. What hits me the hardest though is that Pink/Rose kept trying to solve their mistakes in secret and before Steven’s meltdown into what I consider to be further corruption he says:
“Oh, don't worry! I fixed that too! I can fix anything. I can just keep messing up and fixing things forever, and you'll never have to know or think about any of it! How messed up is that, that I've gotten away with this for so long? You have no idea how bad I am. Y-You think I'm so great, and I'm so mature, and I always know what to do! But that's not true! I haven't learned a thing from my problems! They've all just made me worse! You all think of me as some angel...” Steven Universe, Everything’s Fine
Steven hasn’t been doing this behavior for long. A few weeks maybe a few months have passed since he adopted this process but he says it’s been for so long. Rose is the one who has a long history of this behavior and the issues with being idolized for maturity and having answers applies to both Rose and Steven. The subconscious realization that Steven is ending up just like Rose pushes him into that further state of corruption we see. It’s also Steven’s own tears that heal his corruption enough to bring him back to his normal state and his willingness to heal. I firmly believe that despite exposure to all four healing properties that since he is unaware of his base corruption that he wouldn’t revert. Diamonds must consent to being healed and you can’t consent if you don’t know any better.
This also explains why when Steven was separated from his gem it cycled through Pink and Rose before settling on Steven’s form. The gem itself had a reflexive memory but knows Steven best and thus is Steven.
There’s probably other connections but I’m tired and it’s late so y’all just have fun with this theory. Good night!
#steven universe#steven universe: future#corrupted gem theory#theory#rose quartz#pink diamond#spoilers
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IT’S TIME FOR ME TO MCFREAKING LOSE IT OVER VANICA OHHH YM GOD OH MY GOD OHHHH MY GODDD FNSKFSDKFNSDKG I AM GOING FERAL I AM REVERTING TO A PRIMAL STATE I’M SCREECHING AND GIGGLING I CAN’T FUCKING HANDLE THIS WOMAN I LOVE HER SO MUCH JASFHSKAFNKSDFNSDGJ VANICA I LOVE YOU SO MUCH 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖
#LO-RO-PE-CHI-KA-CHAAAAAAN#GOD PLEASE SHE IS SO FUCKING CUTE AND UNHINGED I ADORE HER SO FUCKIGN MUCH#I OWE TABATA MY FUCKING LIFE#I'M SHIFTING INTO VANICA SIMP MODE#sanura rambles#💖: bloody devil (vanica)
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Look Beyond the Lens, pt. 2
Hey kids, I finally wrote part two. I actually worked on it off and on for the past couple of weeks. I struggled with where I wanted it to go. Hope you enjoy it!
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In the weeks that followed, Y/N iced David out. It was more than just ignoring his phone calls. It was skipping out on group hangouts, leaving as soon as he arrived, removing herself from his social media presence. Practically scrubbing him out of her orbit. It was the whole nine yards. If the video didn’t exist, no one would have connected the two. Suddenly the tundra of the Arctic Circle seemed more welcoming than being in the presence of the two.
The tension between the two seeped into the group, especially Matt. Y/N didn’t give Matt an ultimatum, but knew if he chose David, that was answer enough. Matt understood where she was coming from but also stood at odds with it in a sense. Some of the group sided with David, while others choose Y/N’s side. The group faced a great divide, one that she felt guilty and responsible for. Was it her place to divide people who stood for one another before she came into the picture?
“Matt, he’s trying to buy my forgiveness, which I refuse to give. I am not sure David even understands the magnitude of what he did. He brushed it off like he could fix with a signature on some extravagant gift.”
“I know that, I see everything he’s doing. But you must give the guy a chance to make up for it. You aren’t even giving him room to speak. I guess I just don’t understand that part.” Matt explained, a sorry look in his eye. “I am not saying that you two need to go frolicking in some field holding hands, I am just saying this is effecting everyone. I understand you’re hurt and angry about losing your job, but what about my relationship with all these people? My relationship with you?”
“I never meant to make you feel like you had to play mediator between us. I never meant for it to become this battle either. I know these people are your friends, some of them are mine too. I guess I just…I don’t know what I expected honestly.” You explain, looking Matt in the eyes. Trying to make him understand was difficult. You wanted to blame the entire thing on David, paint him the bad guy.
He was misguided in his choice to put that clip up, that much you knew. David showed loyalty to those he loved. He was someone to put his neck out there, no matter what it might cost him. Matt displayed the same quality. Matt was warm and loving. Seemingly reading your mind without much effort.
“Can I talk to him? Friend to friend. I want to fix this if I can. I know that your job was really important to you. But I also know David is sorry. Trust me, between me and Natalie, he has gotten an ear full. Sometimes people do things without thinking about what might happen, which is exactly what he did. Heath and Zane, you’ve forgiven them. I mean, Heath did bribe you, which you accepted. Why can’t you let David?” Matt questioned. He was really trying to unite the entire group again.
You didn’t know how hard this was for him, to be stuck between everyone. He felt that either way he leaned he was making a mistake. All of these people were his family, you especially. He didn’t want to push you to forgive David but he also wasn’t sure if he could survive being stuck in the middle.
“I can’t have you fighting my battle, Matt. I’ll talk to him myself. This is between David and I, right? It should have never of seeped into dividing the group. It also wasn’t my place to put you between us, which I am sorry for.” You said, feeling a bit ashamed.
“I know that was never your intention. I know you would never make me choose, but I am worried that if this goes on much longer, it will be expected of me.” Matt relented.
“Matt, I’ll meet him for coffee or something and talk about everything, I promise. I owe it you. I owe it to myself. I love you and I’m sorry for not seeing what kind of situation I was putting you in.”
Matt eyed you up, “Do you want me to go with?”
“I think I can handle this one along, bub.” You cheeked, tossing a wink in Matt’s direction. Nervousness settled in your chest. David was hard to understand sometimes, his motivate was muddy and his reaction was malicious, but you owed it to Matt. The two of you agreed to meet at a small café on the north side of LA. It was small and quiet, a place with a bit more privacy than a bustling Starbucks.
The entire drive, you tried to think of what you might possibly say, of what David might say. Your nervousness grew and quelled like the ocean. You never meant for this to snowball, the entire thing felt rather naïve. The amount of hurt and shame you felt from losing your job was exponential, but in time diminished. Yet, you couldn’t forgive David. He was trying to win you back over with gifts and didn’t feel bad. Forgiveness rested just beyond his reach if he were willing to admit he was in the wrong.
Whipping your car into a vacant spot, you scoure the parking lot for David’s Tesla. Not seeing it, you figure he’s just running a bit behind schedule. Hoping out of your car, you head inside to grab a table and wait. Surprisingly enough, David’s waiting in line to order. He wears his emotions on his face, his mind clearly dominated by nerves.
“Hey, I didn’t see your car.” You mention.
“I had Natalie drop me off. I figured if this goes horribly, my punishment is walking home.” David jokes, his eyes settling anywhere but your face.
You chuckle, “So optimistic Dobrik. Decide on something to get yet?” You wanted to keep the conversation light till you sat down. There were far to many people in ear shot for you to risk saying to much. Once the conversation started you figured they would all be listening in for bits.
David looks at you with confusion written on his face, “I really only drink Starbucks and that’s pretty rare.”
“If it’s cool, I’ll wing man you and order for both of us.” You wanted to try and smooth this over so if it meant swallowing your pride, so be it.
“Only if you let me pay.”
“I think you owe me.”
“Right for the throat.” David chuckles, a sheepish look on his face. You didn’t mean to let it slip but it just came out. While you two waited for drinks you tried to keep the conversation light and banter to a minimum. You didn’t want him to think he was totally off the hook. You weren’t yet extending an olive branch.
David led you a table near the back of the shop by the windows. The sun shone through the window brightly, glaring off the shiny table to your eyes. Your side facing the window was warmed instantly, yet you could feel the chill of anxiety run through you. The two of you sat in silence for a moment, before you started.
“I guess I need to know why. Why you were so naive and blatantly ignored my request. That’s the part I cannot wrap my head around. You ruined one of the best things I had going for me.” You said, a mixture of anger and hurt painting your features.
Guilt swarmed in David’s eyes and for a moment you wanted to console him. Then you remembered who put you in this situation.
“Honestly, I am not sure why. I knew you were worried about what might happen, but I thought maybe it you were blowing it out of proportion. It couldn’t possible end with you jobless and me the biggest asshole around.”
“We both know that’s one weak excuse. David, do you still not see the capacity of what you’ve done? Because of us, the group sits at odds like some middle school playground fight. My relationship with Matt is strained. I lost my job. Do I need keep going? You really weren’t thinking. You have people to fall back on, brand deals, people want you. I’ve got nothing but my writing. I do not exist in the same public eye you do, I knew what might happen. I choose to intervene because no one else was. I did the right thing and got fucked over.” You sternly state, looking him right in the eyes. You wanted him to see all things you couldn’t say, like how you cried because of him, for him.
“Y/N, do you write because you enjoy it or because it gives you purpose?” David inquires.
Visibly you are taken back, “I write because there are parts of me that never feel real expect when I’m writing. I can fabricate something to transport people. I am the words at the same I’m not. What does this have to do with anything?” David has an expression that’s unreadable. Settling somewhere between contemplation and sadness, his brows deepen, and his smile lessens.
“When I started YouTube, it was purely because I loved creating videos. That was entire motivation behind it, that was my purpose. I recognize that I should be endlessly thankful for the life I have, the opportunities I’ve gotten. Yet, at the same time, I almost wish I could revert back to that old version of me.”
“I’m confused what this…”
“I am only important when I can offer something to people, when my personality fix whatever algorithm their trying to use. My identity is my YouTube videos. Yet, I see myself as more. Most people see me as a dollar sign. I read a lot of your writing was entranced. I couldn’t believe that I knew this incredible writer who could turn a simple scene into wonderland. This jealousy sparked in my chest.
“I felt wronged by the industry. I could never be on that level. I think the primal part of my brain took over when the clip saved to my memory card. My jealous burned bright and I posted it for an entirely wrong reason. I wanted to see if you could survive like me. If I could survive like you.”
“You cannot actually think that David,” you glossed right over the rest of it. “People love you because of your heart, your humor, your persistence. No one in the group sees you as a dollar sign. I do not see you as a dollar sign.”
David practically rolls his eyes, “I ruin your career and you end up consoling me.”
“And?”
“Shouldn’t you be screaming, telling me how terrible I am?”
“What would that fix? I just want this over with. I love Matt and this is straining our relationship. I had an entire speech about how much of an asshole you are, were, but it seems fabricated. Mostly, I want you to know that what you did really hurt me. I knew we weren’t close but I didn’t expect you stab me right in the back like that. If you thought I was such a good writer, why did you ruin a chance I had at making it.”
“I know, what did was seriously fucked up. But if you would’ve answered my calls, you would have known. I had a chat with the directors, greased some palms, and you have your spot back. Granted, they said it’s on a probationary basis, but they should be lucky to have you back. I want to spend however long it takes making it up to you. I was blinded by jealously because I want what you have. I want my art to speak for me but still be my own person. Which, is why I would like to ask for your help.”
You couldn’t help but feel elated, “It was never a bribe, it was my job back. Is the bribe me helping you?”
“No, you helping me is on the premise that you’ll help me publish local youth. You seem like the kind of person will follow, I seem like the kind of person see dollar signs from.”
“David, I never saw a dollar sign from you. I saw David and I saw my friend. I see my friend here today. This is the guy who world needs to see. I know I still need to work on getting over this, but we are heading in the right direction.”
“Thank you, Y/N.”
“And thank you David, for proving both of us wrong. You’re a great guy, one I would love to help.”
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taglist:
@winchestergirl907
#david dobrik x reader#david dobrik imagine#davids vlogs#david dobrik#david x reader#angst#bros now#vlog squad
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It’s so weird that when I was working in the office I was social, had a solid friend group on here, had a discord with them, we were close, but as soon as we went back home to work I got more withdrawn and moody and 1 by 1 lost all my friends again and am back to being a solitary loner. Without reinforcement for socialization I reverted back to a primal state like a feral serial killer.
#miss friends tbh#you have no idea what a hell being this alone is#going from friends to literally no one always hits hard but you get used to it
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