#i am really incapable of keeping my stories short

[the-fluff-piece]

heyyyy idk if your follower milestone event is still happening but can i get 1😭 Law?

Like Law doesn't think he's worthy enough. ANGST BUT FLUFFY

love your works!!

For you the event will be eternally running!

Sorry I am taking forever to finish these!

For the now closed follower milestone event.

Also check out my other stuff:

My Masterlist - Short and Multichapter stories

Headcanon Masterlist

I also didn't forget about the other request, so I will write that, too.

Broken

Law knows that he is not very sociable, that he's absolutely broken inside and has more emotional luggage than any other.

It never bothered him, though. He was comfortable keeping his distance: to his crew, the straw hats, everyone. Until he met you, and he felt like an empty loser unfit to make you happy Contains: negative self talk by Law, hurt/comfort, angst

Since Law and you became a couple, the devil powered, tattooed bad boy revealed so many facets to his character, you felt like he would forever stay a mystery. He was sometimes moody, sometimes, on rare occasions, he was giddy, he loved to tell you about his obscure interests. And sometimes, he just wanted to stay silent, not talking but insisting on staying near you.

And since you were visiting the strawhat crew on the Thousand Sunny, he was like a brooding child and almost a little bit hurtful in his isolation. He almost seemed mad.

You decided to let him have his alone time and enjoy your stay on the beautiful ship. They sure had a lot of commodities the submarine didn't have: a bar, a big bath, absolutely delicious food! You knew that a tasty treat was awaiting you as the handsome cook of the strawhats danced toward you, set a small masterpiece of a dessert in front of you and kneeled down to kiss your hand. You had to giggle - his small beard tickled your hand and his campy flirtiness did the rest. What a strange guy! He made a bit of smalltalk as you enjoyed the tea and dessert before he moved on to woo the women of his own crew.

You looked around for your boyfriend, who had decided to sit down in a dark corner and be grumpy. This amount of brooding was strange, even for him. You decided to finish your afternoon snack and sit down next to him to see if you could find out what was bothering him.

"Hey" You said softly as you sat down next to him in the lush grass. He didn't answer, instead, he lowered his gaze so that his hat obscured his face.

You got a bit closer and put your head on his shoulder, like you often did - he shrugged you off and moved away.

"Law?" You got a bit irrited at his behavior.

"What's wrong? Did I do something?" You asked, already thinking about possible reasons for his reaction to you.

Law

She looked lovely out there in the sun. The blonde cook courted her like the goddess she was - while Law could only sit in the shadows, watching like the creep he was. He looked down on his hands and read the letters on his fingers. Death. The only companion he ever really had. He looked at his inked hand and for the first time in his life, he regretted it.

The cook didn't have tattoos. His skin was light and smooth, his hair shone golden in the sun. He made her giggle and twirl her hair around her finger. She looked so cute, so full of light and life. Unlike him.

Death. That was all he could tell about and bring to others. No joy, no life. Sometimes he battled death, when he saved a patient. But he was still using his power primarily to hurt. He felt like a monster next to her kindness and softness.

He thought about everyone he lost - everyone he failed to save. His family. His town. Cora-san. He was afraid he would loser her, too. Would it hurt more if she left him for the blonde one? Or if one of his enemies sliced her open before his eyes? He made a lot of enemies.

Lost in thought, he didn't even register her approach until her beautiful voice graced his ears. Not now, he couldn't be who she deserved right now, could only be the surgeon of death, incapable of flirting or kindness. She got nearer, her scent and warmth, usually a ripping him out of his brooding, painfully reminded him of what he would lose if she realised who he really was - what he had done. How broken he was.

Her small head lay on his shoulder, he didn't deserve that, he moved away. He had to protect her from himself and the pain he reliably brought to those around him.

"Law?" She asked, irritated. "What's wrong? Did I do something?"

You're too perfect. You're too nice. Too everything. That is wrong.

"Just leave me" He told her, already feeling the deserved ache of loneliness in his heart. Now he did it, he basically told her to go. Unable to bear her presence any longer, he got up and left, sitting down just a few metres away from her on the bottom of the mast, looking away.

"Fine!" He heard her say and she stomped back into the sun, to the others.

You

Stupid Law. Whatever he was bitching about, you didn't need to punch it out of him. He should talk to you like an adult or leave it. Sanji already threatened to beat him up for making you sad, but you declined.

For the rest of the afternoon, you felt his presence like a sting in your neck. He didn't move, didn't talk. What a diva. But it wasn't your job to get him out of there if he didn't want to. Instead, you savored the time with the crazy members of the straw hats and ended up having a small feast on deck as sanji brought out a grill, Zoro got kegs of sake from storage and Brook began to fiddle a happy song. It seemed like they were always one step away from a small party.

Law stayed where he was. Until Luffy didn't allow that anymore.

"Tra-guy, you have to wear a party hat, too!" He screamed as he stretched his arm to fetch law - he got to grip him on his belt and almost pulled Law's pants down, it was absolutely hilarious. You had to laugh and were just glad that Law had changed his expression from brooding to annoyed - at least some kind of reaction.

"Leave me be!" He growled at the other captain.

"Yeah that's stupid" Zoro chimed in, holding a mug full of sake. "You should drink with me" He added and already held out the mug.

"Not in the mood!" Law snapped at the swordsman.

"Eat some cotton candy and you will feel better!" Chopper tried.

"I hate sweets!" Law bellowed, trying to walk away, but he was surrounded.

"Let's all sing together" Brook tried to soothe the irritated Law, resulting in the direct opposite, he looked like he would explode soon.

"No! I am leaving!" Law desperately said, looking for an opening.

"You've been a drag all day, you should be with your girl!" Nami berated him, quickly followed by Sanji who added: "You're not worthy to be with such a beautiful girl" which stopped him dead in his tracks.

"ROOM" Law screamed and summoned a blue orb from his hand, only to vanish to god knows where. You couldn't see his face clearly- but a tear fell down where he had stood a second before. You've never seen him cry, he was always in control. Always.

"The room was not so big, I bet he's somewhere downstairs" Robin calmly informed you and already pointed to the door on deck that lead down. "We'll wait here" She said as you already ran to the door to search for him.

You were listening closely as you moved down the hallway under deck. You could hear the continued party upstairs, muffled through the planks, until you heard sobbing. This was bad, you didn't know how to handle this. Cautiously, you opened the door to the room where you heard it. Between crates and barrels, Law cowered, small and miserable. He looked up with red eyes as he heard you.

"Go. Away." He told you, his breaking voice betraying his harsh tone.

"I don't think you should be alone now, Law." You put your finger over his trembling lip as he started to protest and he shut up, looking down.

"I know you're not used to this, but I am here now. Talk to me. What's bothering you?" you asked him as you sat down next to him, prompting a louder sob from him.

"The cook is right. I don't deserve you" He whispered.

"Sanji is just talking trash, what does he know about us?" You asked Law.

"He's seeing that we don't fit together" Law said in a weak voice. "I am just holding you back, I bring nothing but pain" he looked at his hands again. Those long, nimble fingers could do so much, you thought. They saved lives, they protected his friends and they lovingly touched you. You wished that he would see that, too.

"You may not see it, but you make me so happy, Law. I am so glad we met. You're so handsome, intelligent and funny" you told him as he avoided your gaze.

"And you're a little weirdo, and I love that, too" you planted a little kiss on his forehead, pushing his hat down in the process. It fell to the floor, unnoticed by Law.

"I can't cook, I am not a gentleman, I don't...party. I am just a...a monster" He concluded, sounding defeated.

"Who told you that?" You asked him.

"Isn't it obvious?" He asked, going through his hair nervously.

"You're not a monster! You're my wonderful Law. You saved a whole kingdom, your crew loves you, the strawhats love you. I love you" you told him, taking his hands into yours, "I know it's hard to grasp when you're not used to it, but you have friends, you have me" you desperately scrambled for words to express your feelings to him without sounding too melodramatic.

"Tss" he said and tried to pull his hands away, but you held on.

"It can be hard to accept that things have changed. You are not DeFlamingo's puppet anymore, you are Law, captain of your own ship" you realised that you didn't really get throught to him as his tears flowed freely now. You didn't want to let it come to this, but you were sure there was no other way to pull him out of this. It was a gamble, though.

"Just think, did Cora-san save you just you could sit around here and be miserable? While you have accomplished so much?" you told him and held your breath. Cora-san was sacred to Law, you knew that. You didn't want to bring him up, but you were pretty sure that he would really want Law to be as happy as possible.

Law's eyes widened and he began breathing faster. His eyes darted around as he seemed to think furiously.

Law

Cora-san! Law was furious that she would bring him up now - but he also couldn't help but replay his memories of their short time together in his head. And he couldn't say she was wrong. He dragged Law across the north blue to live, he desperately wanted that small, sick boy to live his life and not throw it away.

It hurt to admit it - but she was right. He couldn't see Cora-san's actions as grooming him for revenge. He wanted Law to be happy, to value the second life he was given. And the sacrifice it took to have it.

"Law?" her voice ripped him out of his memories once again. He was feeling dizzy, his brain foggy.

"I am sorry" he mumbled.

"Don't be. I can only imagine what you have been through, but I will be here for you for as long as you let me." She said.

She was so precious. He took her chin in his hand like he always did and gave her a soft kiss. She smiled. He felt his own mouth curl. Law promised himself that he would work to make Cora-san proud of him.

"Let's get back up" Law said. "But I won't wear a party hat." He stated.

Law was still grumpy, but he sat among the straw hats and took part. He looked at y/n as she enjoyed herself and kept an eye on him. He had an emotional bodyguard now. It was hard for him, in his current state, to be with people. But he had to start somewhere.

A plate with various barbecued foods was put in front of him, he looked up at the grumpy face of ship's cook that was exclusively reserved for men. What he said earlier still stung, because he was right.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told you that you were not worthy of her." Sanji apologised grumpily, looking everywhere but at Law. "But I still think you should value her! And I will kick you if you make her cry on my watch! She is so cute and nice and her nose is so adorable-" Sanji got into one of his rants. Law didn't have time or nerves for that.

"I agree" Law interrupted the cooks blabbering.

"What?" Sanji asked, confused.

"I agree. She is the best thing to ever happen to me. If I treat her bad again, kick me." Law stated.

"I ABSOLUTELY FUCKING WILL" Sanji promised with a salute, standing at attention like a soldier.

Law immediately regretted that request, but he was pretty sure he would deserve every shoe that landed in his face if he began lashing out at her again.

So yeah, Law is seeing that he cannot keep pushing people away and he asked Sanji to check on that, because the cook has a magical "woman in distress" radar that will find any misstep by Law and will hold him accountable. I did that and I think it's cute!

I hope you liked it

[egophiliac]

HELLO GOOD MORNING OR AFTERNOON OR NIGHT. So i started playing twisted wonderland recently and have been enjoying the main story so far, but i have a question. Are there other things i have to check out to understand the lore? I know there is a manga, and i think that there are also some event stories. Do i have to seek out these other things or should i just keep playing the main story?

welcome to Twst! 🎉🎉🎉 I admit upfront that I am not 100% plugged-in to the fandom at large, so if anything I say is wrong, somebody please correct me!

generally I think the game is considered, like, the "default" canon, and you don't need to read the manga (and I think there are some light novels too?) unless, y'know, you want to! they're adaptations of the main story and are basically their own canon, with their own takes on the characters and story. I do sometimes see references but not in, like, a way that requires you to have read them (like a bunch of people started using the manga's designs for little Riddle+Trey+Che'nya after that chapter came out, but no one would be like "uhhh that's wrong" if someone used their own design for them, if that makes sense) (their manga designs are extremely cute though, I want Riddle's sweater in real life).

in terms of the game itself, I would say you might want to read at least some of the personal stories -- there are a lot of them, but they're also usually pretty short, and they're where a lot of the character details and interactions and extra silly stuff tend to be hidden. people upload them to YouTube and/or post translations, so they're pretty easy to find even if you don't have the cards!

most of the events are similarly pretty fun, but they are skippable if you really don't want/have time to read them, since they don't tend to get referenced outside of the event (except for one throwaway reference to Master Chef in episode 7, which honestly still blows my mind that they acknowledged an event in the main story). the ones that take place in characters' hometowns have also traditionally introduced a relative/related character/whatever-Kifaji-is of the event SSR, so those are definitely worth a read if you're interested in that!

tl;dr because I'm incapable of being concise: manga/novels are their own canon separate from the game, you can stick with just the game's main story if you want but it's worth also reading the personal stories/events for the character bits (and it is 100% worth it just to go through episode 5 knowing that Vil has Floyd-juice rubbed into his face the whole time)

[dickheadcanons]

Your brain is literally gynormous. Do you think Damian's and Dick's relationship is paternal? Because, as someone who has actually had to raise their sibling (do not recommend) it looks more like a guy that had too much in his plate trying to be the best caregiver he could, but not really being a parent, if that makes sense. I feel like the idea of him wanting to adopt him feels like kind of a retcon, couldn't really see it in the og run. But of course, it could be because it's not exactly the same as my experience (abusive father, incapable mother, yknow the drill). What do you think? All your posts are so good.

Also while you're at it, what do you think of Dick as a parent? Some elseworlds have played with the concept, and main continuity did something too with Olivia but T*m Tayl*r fucked that up too. I also wonder how Damian would be as a dad, but I don't think I've ever seen any stories with it.

omg anon thank you and thank you for asking!! this is literally one of my favorite topics!! i was thinking about making a post on this and now you gave me the excuse for it!!

Long story short, I don't think that “parental” is a binary thing. I mean, I know several bio-parents who are just guys with too much on their plates, trying to be the best they can, you know? And people can see parent figures in all kinds of relationships that aren’t blood or traditional moms/dads, especially with people who didn't know each other from birth. There are a million ways to be parented, and a million ways to act as a parent.

The way I think about it is, is Dick Damain's John Grayson? No, I don't think so.

But is Dick Damian's Bruce Wayne? Yes. Totally. Absolutely.

More under the cut bc I have a lot of thoughts.

I think to talk about Dick and Damian, we have to start with Dick and Bruce. So much about Dick and Damian is a reflection of the original Dynamic Duo, and I think that's very much the case with this element as well. From the start of their very long comic history, Dick and Bruce have been dancing around their relationship. We get early comics that say they're "like" father and son, we have Bruce saying he couldn't care about Dick more than if he was Bruce's son, but we also have places where they call each other their best friends, where they act more like brothers, etc etc.

When it comes to who our parents are, I think there is the responsibility, and the result. Certain people have the responsibility, the duty, to be our parents, and sometimes (because death or illness or being shitty people), they aren't able to meet those responsibilities. That never removes the responsibility; they don't stop being the parent. But they aren't able to create the result of us becoming good stable adults. That's where other people can step in, where the parental figure appears, and those are the people that we actually point to when we say "they made me the person I am today."

In fandom, we see a lot of Dick not wanting Bruce to replace his father, of him asking not to be adopted. I think this is a fine characterization that works with who Dick is, but Bruce is actually the one to say that he is not going to replace Dick's father. He says it completely unprompted, too. This is withholding the responsibility of being Dick's parent from Bruce, keeping him at a distance and reserving it as an honor for someone who can't hold it anymore, even as Bruce demands responsibility for literally everything else about Dick.

And I think that it's very telling of what Bruce's idea of a father is. The thing about having a dead parent at a young age is that the person of your parents is still tangled in the role of parent in your life; Mom is mom, not Martha, and because she's dead, the image of both Martha and "mom" is frozen. For Bruce, the relationship of father and son is frozen in the relationship of specifically his father and him. Of course Bruce is not Dick's father; Bruce himself is so different from what his conception of a father is. And as a fellow son, for Bruce, someone who just got back from 7 years abroad studying to be Batman, for whom the nearly 20 year old wound is still fresh, the idea of even wanting another father doesn't make sense, particularly for a boy that Bruce identifies with so hard that he becomes the third person ever to know who Batman is.

This looming memory is even worse when it's Dick's turn to be Batman. While Bruce looks at Dick and sees the memory of his own loss, the shadow of his own grief, Dick is looking at Damian and seeing Bruce. Dick knows very well who Damian lost; Dick is grieving what Damian lost more than Damian is. Bruce couldn't conceive of replacing a father, but Dick is struggling to imagining himself replacing Bruce at his job, much less who he was in his personal relationships.

But even if Damian isn't Dick's responsibility, Dick doesn't hesitate to care about Damian's future. "Who's going to save him if we don't?" At the start of the DickBats era, Dick isn't looking at Damian as a family member, really. He's looking at Damian as a victim, abet a very involved, very dangerous one. It's how Bruce looked at Dick too, before he had any reason to know that this kid would become something more to him. But, like Bruce, what Dick does to save Damian is bring him into the thing that is most precious to him; Batman. The mission. Saving people. A way to live in the world.

I know saying someone is the Batman to their Robin is like, a joke at this point. Something unbelievably cheesy. But you google "iconic duos" and Batman and Robin are one of the first responses. There's a reason for the joke. So imagine you are Robin, and your Batman is dead. And you have to go and find a new partner. Dick making Damian his Robin is heavy, just as heavy to me as adoption papers. Bruce made Dick his partner without any idea of what that meant. Dick, and the audience, had 70 years of expectation on what Dick and Damian could be. Dick making Damian Robin was a very specific claim, far stronger imo than just claiming him as a son would have been.

Because, to be honest (and speak to your other question), I don't think Dick thinks a lot about being a parent. I don't really think it's that important to him. Dick is a leader, a mentor, he deals with a ton of teenagers and kids through his vigilante work, he goes to Tim's sidekick parent's meetings and takes Jason skiing and more than that, he's also young. He's in his 20s. He should be at the club. I think he probably thinks he'll have kids in an abstract way, but it's not something he's looking for, consciously or unconsciously. He's not searching for connection, or to fix his mistakes or his past, the things that lead Bruce to adopting sidekicks. He'd be a great dad, and I think we see him being pretty good with his Elseworlds kids, but Dick is a very practical person, and him taking a kid in (vs finding somewhere else they can go) is not really the practical choice.

Except for one kid. There's just been one kid with legitimately no where else to go, where Dick is truly the only option, because going home meant only bad things for him. Dick made Damian part of his family in the ways that mattered to them both in that moment. With their lives, adoption doesn't really make a huge material difference on custody (if Damian wanted to leave, Dick couldn't have stopped him; Damian has access to basically unlimited money and can feed and clothe and wash himself. and possibly already has a phd.), and Dick wanted Damian to choose, anyway. If I recall correctly, Dick says he didn't think about taking Damian with him until Bruce comes back. He thought about taking Damian with him, thought that Damian might be better with Dick (his partner!!!!) than even with Bruce, his dad, the person Dick loves so much, only in the face of them being separated.

Meanwhile Damian, for all his blustering about how Dick needs to "earn" his respect, warms up to Dick startlingly quickly. For Damian, who had never known a father, who in his initial run hadn't even known his mother for more than two years, whose other male family is Ra’s al Ghul, his father is Batman. Even in Tomasi's kinder depiction of Damian's childhood, Damian only knows the Bat. And when he meets Bruce, the first thing he expresses is disappointment. Bruce the man is underwhelming and then goes and dies. So much for the mythic hero!

And then he meets Dick. Who manages to teach Damian something, who doesn't discount his skills even when he's wrong. Who proves that he is better at being Batman than Damian, and shows that he wants Damian around. And, even more importantly, who doesn't die. Dick is stable in a world constantly in flux. Damian screws up a lot in that run, and he leaves for long stretches of it, but Dick is always there when he gets back. There's no blame here, but the truth is that Dick is the one who stays.

Bruce was Damian's father, but what does that mean to someone whose never met a father at all? Bruce might have tried to connect with Damian before he died, but he doesn’t do it in a way that works. He doesn’t give Damian trust, he doesn’t encourage him in the ways Damian finds important…the first person to do that is Dick. Dick gives Damian responsibility, makes him part of the team. It could be argued that Damian didn’t deserve it, but we’re not talking about deserving. We’re talking about what worked. It sounds like as good an idea as making a tiny 8 year old acrobat a sidekick, but it undeniably worked for both Damian and Dick. Does that mean that either of these relationships were parental in the way that we think of it in the real world, in the way that a child psychologist would say is good and healthy? I have no idea. But they are the most parental in the absence of any other parents, and I think that means a lot.

Unfortunately, we don't get to actually see the dissolution of Dick and Damian's partnership. DC conveniently skips over showing us Bruce coming back and Dick becoming Nightwing again; preNew 52, Dick is still Batman with Damian even when Bruce returns, and in the New 52, he's been Batman "Before" and we don't really see the end, just a vague aftermath. But if it did take that kind of change to make them realize their relationship had a flavor of "parent and child", had the makings of something like a father and son, well, they'd just be following in the original Batman's footprints.

[aseriesofsmallthings]

Hello!

Welcome to my writeblr! I'm very new to this whole thing, and while I have *had* tumblr for a while now, I've never actually used it, so please bear with me :)

About my writing

I started out writing fanfic and short stories over a decade ago (ouch, now I feel old) and am hoping someday to become a published novelist. I mostly write horror, fantasy, and dystopian fiction, (with romance often playing quite a big role), though I am incapable of resisting dabbling in other genres too from time to time. A lot of my writing tends to deal with themes of loss, mental illness, suffering, and the inevitability of the human condition. In a bid to see myself and others like me represented more widely in the media, my longer fiction works often include neurodiverse, disabled and lgbt+ characters.

About me!

First things first, my name is Shannon, though online I mostly go by Shay. Feel to free use either :)

Now, a few fun little facts to break up those hefty chunks of writing (make the most of it, this might be the last time in a while).

I'm from, and currently live in, the UK. And I use she/they pronouns.

I'm a (twenty-something year old) child living an adult's life. And I am not having fun. Please, send help.

My reading tastes tend to be quite similar to my writing, in that I'll read just about anything I deem interesting in most genres but my preferences lie in dystopia and fantasy.

I have AuDHD and a whole host of other funky little brain things that keep writing (and life) all that much more fun! On a serious note, this may mean I'll disappear from time to time and posts may not always be consistent. (It also means interactions may be somewhat difficult for me, so again, please bear with me :)

I'm an amateur field hockey player with no other interest in sport besides playing it.

I have studied creative writing at uni briefly but I'm currently in the midst of switching to a social sciences and anthropology degree - expect a little academia related content maybe.

I'm a fur-parent - pictures may follow (they definitely will) of my little demon child.

I love to travel (especially solo) and often take a lot of inspiration for my writing from my little adventures, from setting and plot ideas to character development and world-building. Also, train journeys have proven quite fruitful in producing some pretty solid sentences... that have yet to be of further use.

A few pictures (below) from my most recent solo trip.

I also occasionally play video games, listen to an unhealthy amount of rock music, obsess over fictional characters (other than my own), and partake in multiple other creative pastimes, most of which get abandoned rather unceremoniously (thank you, ADHD).

About my writeblr

My username 'a series of small things' comes from one of my favourite Van Gogh quotes; "great things are not done all at once, but by a series of small things brought together", which I think is really apt, not only as a writer but also just in everyday life too. Also, inspite being rather artistically inept myself, I have a fondness for ol' Vinny, which makes the quote even more perfect.

I hope to use this space as a way to start getting my original work out into the world and to hopefully make some like-minded friends along the way too! I'll mostly be posting some of my short stories and progress reports on my longer wips, but may also post some poetry and other random ramblings from time to time.

Feel free to ask me any questions and interact with me :)

[whitedarkmoonflower]

Reunited Part 2

Pairing: modern!Sihtric x you (female reader)

Authors note: it all started with the ask, whether I accept modern!Sihtric requests, that left me deeply thoughtful whether I am really up to it. So my dear @sihtricfedaraaahvicius gave me a little push with a challenging fic request that resulted in my very first modern! Sihtric fic. Initially I didn't think of a continuation of the story, but some of you were very insisting and I'm deeply thankful for that. I have decided to make it a bit longer story. So, this interlude is intended to set the scene for the upcoming parts. I hope you'll enjoy it.

Warnings: fluff, quite suggestive on the borderline with getting smutty, heartbreak, abuse of alcohol

Summary: It was supposed to be a short two week trip that turned into five long years apart, just because your best friend couldn't keep her mouth shut. Will the reader and Sihtric manage to repair their broken relationship and find their way back to each other?

Part 1

Word Count: 2,043

Leave a comment if you want to be tagged for the upcoming parts.

Tags: @uunotheangel @jennifer0305 @sihtricfedaraaahvicius

"Damn it," Sihtric cursed at himself as he watched the door slam shut behind you. Your sudden appearance, followed by an even more abrupt departure, had left him not only speechless but questioning whether you had been real at all or simply a fevered hallucination conjured by his foggy mind after yesterday's party.

He had undoubtedly had a few drinks too many. Waking up this morning, he couldn't even recall the name of the long-legged, dark-haired beauty he found in his bed.

"Uh, good morning, gorgeous," he greeted the girl nestled against his chest with a hesitant smile. "Oh crap, it's late already, I have to rush to the studio. Just slam the door shut when you leave. I’ll call you tomorrow!” 

This had become his standard exit strategy, and it always did the trick. Most of the time, it wasn't even a lie, as he almost always had photoshoots and studio appointments. Sihtric cautiously freed his hand from beneath the girl and, within the next five minutes, he had donned his trousers and shirt before vanishing through the doors, leaving the long-legged stranger in his bed bewildered. He didn't have her number and had no intention of calling her. He never did.

In the beginning, he was driven by a desperate eagerness to forget. He believed that the only way to heal his shattered heart was to quickly fall in love again as deeply and madly as he had with you. However, as time passed, waking up beside yet another imperfect copy of you only made him crave more for the original. At some point, he stopped deluding himself; there was no one who could replace you, so he stopped searching.

Nonetheless, being a famous and handsome fashion photographer had its side effects. His work ensured he was surrounded by women – beautiful, intelligent, and also compassionate women. There always seemed to be someone who believed they could fix him, even when he had no desire to be fixed. At some point, when once again an unsuccessful attempt to mend him had left yet another self proclaimed angel saviour heartbroken and crying, he had enough. He didn't want it anymore. He was what he was: an irreparably broken wreck, an adrenaline junkie, unable of navigating his emotions and incapable of feeling love and affection. He was just inflicting pain on those foolish enough to get close to him. From that point on, his decision was clear – he didn't do relationships. He was good for a passionate one-night fuck, but nothing more, and after a while everyone seemed to know it and accept it.

—-------------------------------------------

"Oh, honey! You're here! I've missed you so much!" Gisela nearly screamed your head off in joy, as she spotted you on her doorstep. You hadn’t seen each other in real life for all five years, but she had remained your best friend. She had been your rock during your darkest days following the breakup, always just a phone call away, ready to listen or simply be there for you, regardless of the time difference. Gisela was the better half of your soul, your moral compass, the anchor that kept you grounded in the tumultuous sea of life. She offered support and solace when you needed it most, asking for nothing in return.

It came as no surprise that, after your panicked flight from the photo shoot, your first instinct was to seek refuge at your best friend's place.

"Oh my goodness! You look like you've been hit by a freight train," Gisela immediately noticed your devastated state. She grabbed your hand and pulled you into a tight embrace.

"I saw him this morning... I couldn't... I ran away," you sobbed, your tears soaking her fine blouse, emotions pouring out uncontrollably.

"Whom did you see? Oh my god! Sihtric?" Realisation struck Gisela as she led you inside her apartment and settled you on her sofa. "Just wait a moment. I'll make you some tea, and then you can tell me everything," she said, heading to the kitchen.

In the kitchen, hidden from your view, Gisela clutched her head with both hands and began to pace around the small room.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck! Why did this have to happen?" she cursed to herself. "Couldn't he have just broken his damn neck on one of his insane climbing expeditions? I can't let her go through this again. She won't handle it. And she'll never forgive me if she finds out I'm the real reason behind all this mess."

Gisela had never found the courage to tell you that her direct involvement was the reason for Sihtric's decision to break up with you. Initially, there was no point in revealing it, as you would have rushed back to Sihtric. As time passed and Gisela witnessed how hard it struck you, how much pain you endured, and how long it took for you to start halfway functioning again, she couldn't bring herself to confess that she was unintentionally responsible for all this suffering. She had acted with the best intentions, all she had wanted was for you to follow your dream and be happy. The realisation that her good intentions had led to you becoming a miserable and broken version of yourself, someone who had closed herself up and now distrusted everyone, came far too late. 

With the tea ready and after taking a deep breath, Gisela picked up the tray with cups and sugar and returned to the living room. She was determined to do everything in her power to protect you and to shield you from Sihtric and the damage his reappearance in your life could cause you. Gisela had witnessed Sihtric change, and not for the better. By now, she was convinced that it had been for the best that he had broken up with you all those years ago. You had built a successful career, you were beautiful, independent, and respected. Somewhere out there, your prince charming was undoubtedly waiting for destiny to bring you together. If you had stayed with Sihtric and witnessed him turning into the person he had become – a jerk and a fuckboy – you would have been left with nothing but a broken heart.

"Can you believe it? He just called me 'sweetheart,' as if nothing had happened," several cups of tea later, you had managed to calm yourself to the point where you could finally speak without your words dissolving into incomprehensible sobs.

"He's not worth a single tear of yours," Gisela reassured you, taking a sip from her tea. "Believe me, you don't want anything to do with him. He's been changing girlfriends like underwear. Lately, they don't even last longer than one night. I've heard that some of the fashion houses are considering terminating their contracts with him. In addition to fucking every model hired for the photoshoots, he's started drinking quite heavily. There have been a few times of him arriving at the set in the morning so drunk that the shoots had to be postponed. I have to admit he's got a certain talent, and when he's sober enough to hold his camera steady, his photos are quite amazing. But that doesn't make him a good person. You deserve better. You deserve someone who will love and cherish you, and most importantly, respect you."

Gisela continued to speak about an opening of an art exhibition featuring the works of a promising new painter to be displayed in her gallery for the next two months, and how she wanted you to attend and possibly meet someone, but you weren't really paying attention anymore. 

Nothing Gisela had said about Sihtric aligned with your memories of him. Yes, he was impulsive and daring, but he had also been attentive and gentle. You remembered how sweet and caring he had been, making you feel like a goddess. It all didn't make any sense, but then again, you were a living example of his real attitude. He had replaced you with someone else after just one week apart. Gisela was right; he had been a fuckboy, and he likely still was. You didn't want anything to do with him. Or did you?

"Hey, hey! What planet are you on? You're not listening, are you? No, no, no, don't tell me you were thinking of him. He ruined your life and broke your heart. Have you forgotten already?" Gisela nearly shouted, bringing you back to reality.

"I know exactly what you're thinking," she continued, her face displaying an annoyed grimace.

"What am I thinking?" you scowled at her.

"You were thinking that you could fix him. That if you hadn’t left for that summer course, it might have turned out differently…"

You opened your mouth to protest, but deep down, you knew Gisela wasn't far off from the truth. Even if these thoughts weren't explicit, they lingered in the back of your mind, like a faint, elusive haze, beyond words to explain. What if…

"Don't even think about it. I could assemble an entire soccer team of heartbroken girls who thought they could fix him. Do you really want to go through all of that again?"

You shook your head vehemently. No, you didn't. You wouldn't survive another heartbreak. This was one of the main reasons you had remained single over the last five years. You hadn't allowed anyone to get close enough even for the possibility of a relationship. It wasn't for a lack of willing candidates, but Sihtric had left you incapable of trusting anyone, almost paranoid, and you hadn't given anyone a real chance.

—----------------------------------

Sihtric collapsed onto the bed, burying his face in the pillows, his body tense with frustration. The long-legged doll had departed, and the cleaning lady had dutifully changed the bed sheets, a daily ritual he insisted on. He couldn't bear the lingering scent of his one-night companions on his bedding. Taking a deep breath, he tried to recall your scent, a fading memory locked away in some remote corner of his mind. It had been so sweet, arousing, delightful, and soothing. After a long night of lovemaking with you, bodies slick with sweat, your scents blending as one, he loved burying his face in your hair and breathing you in, savouring the feeling that he had finally found his home. Something he hadn't felt in all those five years since you had left his life.

And now, you were suddenly back. You were as stunning as he remembered, perhaps even more so. There was a newfound self-assuredness in your demeanour, an aura of captivating confidence radiating from you. Your eyes sparkled with inner strength and poise. 

Sihtric felt his pants grow tighter as the image of you from this morning reappeared in his mind: your lovely face, your sparkling eyes, and sensual lips; your velvety hair cascading down your shoulders; the blouse and pencil skirt giving you the appearance of a madly sexy businesswoman; your hands holding the papers; and your legs in high heels – something he'd never seen you wear before. 

Every detail about you drove him to the brink of madness, as a low moan escaped his lips, his arousal undeniable. He would have sold his soul to the devil for the chance to bury his face between your thighs, to taste you again, to feel your walls clenching around him and pushing him over the edge.

For five years, Sihtric had dreamt of this moment, playing it over and over in his mind, rehearsing what he would say and do if he ever had the chance to see you again. But now that the moment had finally arrived, he had found himself unable to utter anything of significance. He had wanted to stop you, to hold you back, to shout something that would make you turn and face him. Yet his mind had gone utterly blank, and all he had managed to do was watch you storm out of the hall with a tortured expression on his face.

And so, you had left without a single backward glance.

"She hates me. She still fucking hates me," was the only thought consuming Sihtric's mind as his hand found its way into his pants, gripping his painfully hard cock and starting to stroke it with rapid, desperate movements.

[chaos-is-beautifvl]

𝐟𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝… 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠?

(gif credits: defendingwarrior)

requested by @omgyoufoundnemostufff : I was wondering if you could do an Eddie x Henderson!reader with prompts 3, 37 and 40, where the reader has an argument with her mom and she disappears and Dustin thinks it could be something really bad seeing as his older sister hasn’t turned up for school and hasn’t returned home in what must seem like weeks, he remembers the time Will disappeared and starts to get really worried about her, that's until he finds her at Eddie’s trailer and their secret relationship is out in the open.

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: eddie munson x fem!reader

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: dustin’s been worried about his older sister because he hasn’t heard from her since she and their mom got into a fight. worried, he turns to his friend and is met with a surprising sight

𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠: fluff, tiny tiny angst, henderson!reader, secret relationships, fighting with parents, running away (not actually), dustin being slightly traumatized

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 2783 (is it obvious that i am incapable of writing short stories?)

𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: as always, feedback is golden! feel free to send me a request, guidelines here and check out my other eddie fics here! p.s. for those who read daughter of a cop part 1 and part 2, what would you like to see for part 3?

buy me a coffee ☕️!

The day couldn’t have gone better for Dustin. When he woke up, the skies were clear, and the birds were singing. At school, he got back the Spanish quiz he had dreaded, and miraculously, he passed with flying colors. Then at lunch, the cafeteria ladies gave him two chocolate puddings instead of one, and the rest of the day went by absolutely swimmingly.

That was, of course, until he got home. He had plans to call Suzie as her dad finally ungrounded her for changing Dustin’s Spanish grade. At least she wouldn’t have to worry about that anymore with his dazzling A+ smack dab on the front of his paper.

Dustin had a pep in his step as he approached the front porch. All the world was in bright colors then he heard it - yelling.

Thinking something was afoot, he rushed into the house, tossing his backpack aside. Before he struck, he glanced around, looking for a weapon. The only thing in sight was the candlestick on the table near the front door. It wasn’t the best option, but something was better than nothing.

“Whoever’s in here, be prepared to face my wrath!”

Dustin ran into the living room with closed eyes and swinging arms. The yelling paused, and Dustin stopped, keeping his arms ready for an attack as he squinted one eye open.

Instead of a hostile force at work, it was just you and your mom. You raised an eyebrow at Dustin’s odd behavior, and your mom just pursed her lips, squinting her eyes at him.

“Dusty, sweetie,” your mom inquired as she tilted her head, “What are you doing?”

“You guys- I thought- wait, what?” He shook his head, now sharing both of your confused looks. “I heard yelling.”

“So, what, you thought a,” you glanced down at his ‘weapon’ discerningly, “candlestick would help you?“

Dustin looked at his weapon and realized you were right, but he would never admit that aloud, so he shrugged. “Better than nothing.”

“Right…”

“That’s beside the point. Why were you two yelling?” Dustin directed the attention back to you two, which reminded you of the previous discussion.

You wanted to tell him it was nothing, but your mom beat you to the punch and most certainly did not say that. “Your sister’s just being stubborn, Dusty.”

You groaned, planting your face in your hands. “I’m not being stubborn, Mom. I don’t see why it’s such a big deal.”

“What’s a big deal?” Dustin asked, and you, again, wanted nothing more for him to remove himself from the conversation. Both you and your mom ignored him.

“Oh, Y/N,” your mom frowned as she petted not-Mews. “Why won’t you just tell me who you’re dating?”

Your mouth fell open in shock as your widened eyes stared at her. Of all things she could have said around any person, she said those words around Dustin. You spared a look to your younger brother, and at first, he looked just as shocked as you at your mom’s choice of words. Note: at first.

You watched as his shocked expression slowly morphed into amusement and immense curiosity. Then he was grinning like the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland. “You’re dating someone?!”

You internally groaned, mentally facepalming, “No, Dustin, I am not dating anyone. Mom,” you said pointedly, “is just making assumptions.”

She tilted her head with a knowing look, “Well, that’s not what Joyce told me…”

“Joyce?!” You sputtered, “Why are you talking about my love life with Mrs. Byers?!” You couldn’t believe the words that kept spewing from her mom. When your mom said she wanted to talk, you certainly weren’t expecting this kind of talk, and certainly not with your little brother around.

“So you admit it?” Dustin’s wide eyes caught your gaze, and the second choice of words you regretted of the day was yours. “You are dating someone?”

“What? No!” You huffed, pinching the bridge of your nose as if that would make the pending conversation end. “It’s nothing.”

“Doesn’t seem like nothing.” Sometimes it felt like Dustin and your mom were always teaming up on you, and this was definitely one of those times.

You couldn’t believe that for one: your mom would even bring this up or talk about it with other people. You knew that the moms around here, especially you and your friends’ moms, were nosey and gossiped like they were getting paid, but you hadn’t expected this. And two: that your mom would talk about in front of Dustin, who endlessly teases you (as a younger sibling would) and who also didn’t know how to keep his mouth shut.

All of that, coupled with the thought of everyone knowing that you were maybe dating someone and the general shittiness of your day - because, unlike your little brother, your day could not have gone worse - sent you over the teeny, tiny edge.

“Why do you always do this?” You tried to soothe the headache that had already made its presence known. “Can’t I get a tiny ounce of privacy? And I’m not saying that I am dating someone, but that’s none of your goddamn business.”

“Y/N!” Your mom scolded, and this time, she was disappointed, but you were already upset. You felt bad for cursing at her, but she knew how she felt about privacy, yet, she was always violating it.

“It’s true. I have had a really, excuse my language, shitty day, and I didn’t want to come home and have my mom and little brother harassing me about whether or not I’m dating someone. And then,” you paced back and forth, voice raising as you ranted, “I hear that you’re talking about it with other people, and it’s like, ‘what about respecting my privacy?’ ”

“And you know what? Even if I were dating someone, I would never freaking tell you because neither of you knows how to keep a secret or, again, respect my privacy and feelings! And, it’s so frustrating, and oh my god!”

You let out a sigh of relief after getting everything you’d been dying to say aloud off your chest. You stopped pacing, pressing your hands to your face to quell the warmth that arrived during your outburst.

When you turned around to face them, they both wore ‘O’-shaped expressions. It seemed neither of them had anything to say. Neither did you, so you took that as your cue to leave. Even though you were glad to have finally voiced your grievances, you felt equally embarrassed and guilty for yelling at them.

The front door slammed shut, announcing your very warranted departure. After you left, Dustin placed the candlestick on the coffee table and turned to your mom. “I think we made her mad.”

She nodded, “I think so too, Dusty.”

…

After the fight, Dustin was fine. Well, he felt guilty for making you upset and also because you felt like you couldn't tell him anything. But Dustin figured you would come back the next day. When he thought about it, you always went to a friend’s anytime you needed to blow off steam or get away from everything for a little while. And when he really thought about it, he had never met this secret friend of yours.

But then, a day passed, and another and another, and Dustin began thinking something was afoot. It wasn’t like you to go this long without checking in on him.

He would only admit this if someone held him hostage, which almost happened a time or two, but you were his best friend. You were the first friend he ever had. Even now, when you both had your own friends, you would always be each other’s best friend. Naturally, he was worried about you. You were also his older sister, so worrying was totally normal. At least, that’s what he told himself.

He didn’t bring it up to his friends because he was sure they would tell him you were fine, and yeah, he wanted to believe that, but at the same time, what if you weren’t? By the fifth day, he really began to worry. You hadn’t been to school, at least to his knowledge. You always came to torment him at lunch, and you wouldn’t just stop. You were his older sister, after all.

Dustin couldn’t stand it anymore, and even though he knew that their problems from the Upside Down and all the monsters and gooey shit were over and done, he needed to talk to someone. So, he went to the one person he knew wouldn’t think he was crazy.

…

Eddie was setting up the VHS while he watched for the popcorn to finish popping. He didn’t read the instructions the first time, so the burnt smell was still wafting through the trailer. Nothing open windows and a candle going wouldn’t fix.

Something was wrong with the TV because all he was getting was static. His brows furrowed, and he smacked the side of the TV in frustration. The static disappeared, and he grinned. “Hah! You thought you were going to get the best of me? I’m Eddie the Banished! No one can-”

In the middle of Eddie’s monologue, the trailer door flung open. He chuckled nervously, embarrassed to have been caught. Eddie ducked down to check that all the cords were in the right place and to hide his reddening face. “Sorry, sweetheart, didn’t think you’d be back so quickly.”

“Sweetheart?” Dustin’s feet entered Eddie’s periphery, and Eddie jumped up so quickly that he whacked his head on the open cabinet above him.

“Henderson!” The brunet stared at the other brunet with widened eyes. He rubbed the sore spot on the top of his head as he leaned on the TV. “What are you doing here?”

Dustin raised his eyebrows at Eddie’s odd behavior. “Why did you call me sweetheart?”

“What?” Eddie pulled Dustin’s hat over his eyes, resulting in the boy swatting at him like a fly. “Don’t like your new nickname?”

“No. Definitely not in the mood for nicknames.” Dustin moved to sit down on the couch, tossing his bag on the floor. “We need to talk.”

“Make yourself at home,” Eddie mumbled before plopping down on the couch next to Dustin, “And what do we need to talk about, little sheep?” “I need to talk to you about Y/N.”

Eddie stared at Dustin for a few seconds in complete silence. Once he recovered from his shock, he swallowed the lump in his throat and cleared it. “You mean, Y/N, your sister, Y/N?”

Dustin rolled his eyes, “No, Eddie, I’m talking about the librarian.” Eddie breathed a sigh of relief, wiping away the imaginary sweat from his brow. “Of course, I’m talking about my sister.”

And just like that, the previous stress Eddie felt returned.

“Y/N? Why-” Eddie spotted your easily recognizable sweatshirt from Camp Know Where during the one summer you went to volunteer on the ground. He discreetly kicked it under the couch, hoping one: Dustin wouldn’t see it, and, two: the couch had no dust bunnies hiding underneath. He really didn’t want to be killed if he ruined your sweatshirt. “Why do you wanna talk about Y/N?”

Dustin didn’t see it and rested his head against the couch cushions instead. “I’ve been worried about her.” Eddie furrowed his brows, thinking that something was wrong. “She hasn’t been home for a few days, and I keep thinking something’s wrong.”

Oh, Eddie thought. Oh, indeed. Eddie hadn’t been expecting him to say that when Dustin said he wanted to talk about you.

Eddie really didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t exactly tell his young friend that while he had been worrying about his sister, his sister was hanging out with him.

As if the gods heard his cries for help - correction, they weren’t cries; they were screams - the trailer door opened for a second time.

You were juggling a few plastic bags and a pizza box. The box covered your face, making you enter the trailer blindly. That meant that you didn’t know that you weren't talking to Eddie only.

“Hey, sorry it took me so long. The pizza place gave me the wrong pizza. Who the hell eats olives with their pizza, anyway? That’s disgusting. Oh, and the store nearby didn’t have the right snacks, so I had to go to another one. Boy, am I so glad to be back.” You didn’t get a response, so you set the bags and pizza down on the table, “Eds?”

You turned around, and the shock of your life was sitting on the couch.

“Dusty?”

“Y/N?”

“What are you-” You both asked the question you were thinking simultaneously before firing accusatory looks at Eddie. Yours was because he didn’t warn you that Dustin was here, and Dustin’s was because Eddie didn’t tell him you were here.

Eddie held his hands up in defense, “I am not to blame here.”

Dustin stood up, now giving you an accusatory look. He looked so shocked that it might have been funny at a later time, but definitely not then. “Wait. I thought that a freaking Demodog ate you. And you’ve been what - frolicking with Eddie?”

“Dustin!” You buried your face in your hands, hoping that would make you disappear. Unfortunately, it did not. “We aren’t- we haven’t-”

Dustin covered his ears and shook his head, “You know what? I don’t even think I want to know.”

Eddie sunk into the couch. He wished that the floppy cushions would swallow him whole. Anything would be preferable to Dustin accusing him of “frolicking” with you. Not to say he was against the idea, but Dustin was your little brother and his friend, so the whole situation was overly mortifying.

“You’re so dramatic.” You rolled your eyes before you thought about what he said. “Wait, rewind, please. What the hell is a ‘demodog’?”

-

After much explaining and your general confusion about how all of the crazy things in Hawkins flew right under your nose and why Dustin never asked for your help, the three of you ate the pizza that had gone cold with Dustin’s probably exaggerated story-telling.

At first, it was a bit awkward. Dustin had caught you, his sister, and Eddie, his friend, red-handed. Correction: it wasn’t red-handed because if it were, neither you nor Eddie would be able to live it down, but it was equally embarrassing.

You and Dustin decided to head home together once the movie Eddie picked out was over, and you and the boys emptied the entire pizza box. The two of you drove home in silence, occasionally looking over at the other.

“I’m sorry,” you said as you took a left turn. “I didn’t mean to make you worry or anything. I just,” you sighed as you approached a stop sign. “Sometimes I want my privacy, and Mom doesn't always get that, which isn’t the greatest. But I shouldn’t have taken that out on you, and I should have checked in. So yeah, I’m sorry.”

Dustin nodded. “Thanks for apologizing, and I’m sorry too. If I had known it was Eddie, I would’ve understood why you didn’t want to talk about it.”

“I totally meant to talk to you about it, though. But at first, it was nothing, so I didn’t want to bring it up, and then it was something, and I guess I just wanted to keep it for myself, you know?”

“Right… but don’t you want to know how I feel?” Dustin asked. He was looking out the window, which meant you couldn’t get a read on his true feelings.

You hesitated before asking, “How do you feel?”

“I mean, to be honest,” he turned to you with a slight frown, “I kind of hate it.”

“Oh…” was all you said because what can you say when your little brother tells you that he hates you and his friend being in a relationship?

You made it to the house before you even realized it. And then, you really wished you had run away. You sighed, nodding your head. “If you don’t want us together, then that’s final because don’t let this get to your head, but you’re right most of the time and-”

“Y/N?” Dustin interrupted, to which you acknowledged with a hum. “I’m just kidding. If you’re happy, then so am I.”

You smiled at him and ruffled his hair as best you could with his cap still on. “I’m glad. I really like him, and he makes me pretty happy, so it would suck to break up.”

“Yeah, yeah. But I seriously don’t want to catch you guys frolicking again.”

“Dustin!”

-

i hope you enjoyed reading! let me know what you think! - chaos ♥️

[sol-arise0]

I WILL WRITE TO ALL CUSTOMERS MYSELF WITHIN A WEEK.

(With a detailed text of what happened to me and what we will do next...)

Thank you in advance, if you can read this to the end, there will be a lot of letters about my feelings that I have always held back. But I no longer have the strength to remain silent.

Now there will be a long post about why for more than a year I behaved badly on social networks, practically not posting art. Some of my subscribers have probably seen posts that I had to have two operations (one was on my stomach in 2022, the second on my eye in 2023, and unfortunately both times fell in February, on the eve of my birthday) Now, looking at the past, I understand that this there were the clearest hints that I was mentally ill back then. Because the doctors in both cases said that the reason could be stress, which caused an exacerbation. But it just so happens that I live in a family where we BASICALLY DON'T TALK ABOUT OUR PROBLEMS, essentially downplaying that, wow, it turns out it can be bad mentally, not just physically?

In addition, I am the daughter of my father, whom my whole family sincerely despises for leaving my mother with debts so HUGE that she has been paying them off for 20+ years. I think you understand why my mother feels negative emotions towards me, putting pressure on me, trying to change me. Unfortunately, I now realize that she didn't do any better. For this reason, in the late spring of 2023, I moved into my sister's apartment, during her absence, to keep an eye on it. And feeling that no one is pushing you, how you talk, walk, sleep, eat, that you don't have a boyfriend, you look terrible and other things - it was easier for me. So it turned out that when my sister returned from vacation, I asked her to stay for another while. And well, in short, it was both a good and a terrible time.

In a nutshell, I was working through my problems, and the second dragged myself to the bottom. Of course, because I expected🥹👍 that I would take up painting seriously, working for money🤌, no one would touch me, (I was always a "housewife" in the family house, because we could not hire special people, so to help my mother, I did all the work around the house, garden, and even I helped with the documentation, although I am very inattentive.)

Living with my sister, I realized that all my expectations would crack against mine... Apathy? I don't know what to call this period, but I was just basically a vegetable. I didn't want anything. I got into debt because of this, I couldn't get a job, and drawing made my hands tremble because I had commission that I couldn't finish. And so it turned out to be an endless circle of lack of money and despair - I couldn't finish art cmm, so I couldn't take new ones out of shame, I couldn't get a job, because I didn't even have the strength to go out for a walk. So it turned out that every day I ate kefir with a little bread, because I saved my expenses up to 2.5-3 dollars a day.

Seriously, if my sister hadn't fed me from time to time, I would have gone back AGAIN to the hospital. I understood that everything was going wrong, that it was abnormal, why it turned out that I was so weak, incapable, and more.

And so, we come to the end of the story. I returned to my parents' house because we had earthquakes from winter to mid-spring, and living on the 12th floor you only think about a quick death.:"") I'm going through this mini home hell again, because it's even more fun! My stepfather and mother converted to Islam. Completely. And you probably know that painting, music, open clothes and other things are considered forbidden/sin there. Well, if I used to be neutral about religion, now I'm really AFRAID of it. That one day I will still get caught on gayshit, which drawings I am working on, and I will be beaten like poor girls in Islamic countries. What adds a spark to the situation is that they know what I'm roughly called on social networks (also my older sister, with whom I have smtm conflicts, again fuckin religion!!, SHE IS SUBSCRIBED TO MY INSTA, AND I CAN'T DELETE HER BECAUSE SHE'S A FOOL HAS SEVERAL ACCOUNTS THAT I DON'T KNOW ABOUT) so I think in the near future either to move accounts (insta).

In short, I'm just tired of hating everything and everyone, crying and getting angry, constantly holding back emotions so as not to conflict with my family. Because I know what the hell we've all been through together, that's why I've put up with everything before. And it did me harm, because my creative nature is ready to die from my fears, pain, mood swings and constant pressure. Against this background, I asked a friend to give me a discount so that I could make an appointment with a psychologist at least once (I'm still terribly ashamed, but I hope in the future I'll pay for everything) And she was told that there is a damn suspicion of ADHD!!!! But to prove it, i need to go to a therapist, and this is tantamount to being branded crazy... after all, there are no mental problems unless you have schizophrenia.👍

That's why I'm writing this post. I am sad that I wake up every day thinking that it would be nice to die, and other apathetic thoughts. Now I have to decide to close it all. All debts to customers, all debts to myself, because I know that I am an unloved daughter who knows how to love everyone except herself. Because now, I know that damn it, yes I, yes I'm not talented like my siblings and peers, but I'm good in my own way. It's a shame that it took me more than 10 years of my life and a year of starvation and despair as an insolvent person to understand that I need to mentally support myself, and not shoot myself in the foot with all these nagging and discontent.

That's why I share my plan with the world, because I know that I need support, help, and that it's not a shame to talk about myself and my problems.

- First, i will close my $2,000 debt.

- The second is to set aside at least $1,000 for a deposit for future housing.

- The third and most important thing is to release a project called "ResinRays". This is a large-scale world that was born a long time ago, but was resurrected thanks to a friend who supported me.

Overall, thanks to all my friends, if they didn't tolerate my tantrums, then maybe... I wouldn't write this now. That's why I love them!! 🥹🙏😭💖💖💖

If you have read up to this point, then thank you very much for that!!! It's damn important for me to know that there are those who are willing to at least support me like that! I will be glad to establish contacts and draw again, because let the AI assholes go who think they will kill the creative potential of artists!

[onecinder]

Jack and Ennis: the good, the bad, and the ugly

Kinda expanding on my analysis of Ennis and Jack's physical fight, or at least there are some of my opinions I covered in that post that I stated again here but without much context or explanation.

Inspired by a forum thread I saw on ennisjack.com

I'm gonna be kinda biased against Ennis here, just a fair warning.

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Okay, there's a lot to unpack here (probably just parroting the film though) but I've tried my best to sift out the filler. I promise at the end there will be a kind of nutshell.

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Obviously, a large part of why their relationship would never have worked out in the first place is because of the homophobia of the period. It's what the film is about.

But I'm gonna say, the toxic masculinity and homophobia that period propagated affected Ennis especially, and he is also a large part of why their relationship took a tragic, almost ugly, turn.

Yes, he’s truly traumatised by what he saw as a 9 year old boy, but I truly think he just isn’t a sentimental or empathetic person and doesn’t know how much he is hurting others. We see him throughout his entire life constantly pushing others away, incapable of forming lasting relationships — and he is always the one who messes up.

This is no different for his relationship with Jack.

Brokeback Mountain: neverland

In a way, Ennis doesn’t want to grow up. Brokeback Mountain serves as a little bubble where they can be 19 year old boys again — and it’s incredibly easy to do so. They escape for a few days, be passionate, be… well, I would say romantic, but that isn’t really the case on Ennis’s part, save for a few snatched moments, such as that infamous HugSceneTM.

Yet, in the short story, take a look at this quote from jack's pov:

Later, that dozy embrace solidified in his memory as the single moment of artless, charmed happiness in their separate and difficult lives. Nothing marred it, even the knowledge that Ennis would not then embrace him face to face because he did not want to see nor feel that it was Jack he held. And maybe, he thought, they'd never got much farther than that. Let be, let be.

Jack is quite idealistic for the stereotypical hypermasculine, grounded cowboy raised in the rural west of the United States that he's supposed to be. He likes to complain and bitch about things because he wants to improve them. But Ennis is the one thing he accepts that he can't change or live his life to the fullest with.

This dozy embrace -- 'artless, charmed happiness' -- perfectly captures the authentic, raw, almost primal nature of the mountain for them. It's why they keep coming back. They can pretend everything is A-OK, they can be careless and carefree like they were at nineteen years old. Then they leave, and are forced to return to reality again.

But while Ennis leans into this neverland, this 'paradise', Jack wants to break free. In their final interaction, he says this infamous line:

"You wouldn't do it, Ennis, so what we got now is Brokeback Mountain. It's all we got, boy, fuckin all."

The key to the tragedy of their relationship is contentment. Ennis has always been content with keeping his head down low, accepting things as they are, being a realist. He is content with the easy path of going into relationships very reluctantly and pushing people away.

He's fallen into this never ending cycle (or so he believed) of going to Brokeback Mountain for some easy 'high altitude fucks once or twice a year', avoiding emotional attachment, avoiding confronting Jack's frustrated feelings. It always ends in the termination of that relationship. This has happened with literally every relationship, romantic or familial, he's tried to have. At some point Jack wants to grow up. He wants something more.

Anything worth doing requires sacrifice and hard work. Ennis is a realist in his time, but in our day and age, he would probably be considered a nihilist. (Though take that with a grain of salt, I am in a very privileged position and wasn't alive in the 1960s either, so I can't really speak accurately on that.)

"How long?" "For as long as we can ride it. There ain't no reins on this one."

He was utterly unsurprised when Jack died. He was devastated, clearly, and it hurt a whole fucking damn much and he probably didn't see it coming, but he definitely wasn't surprised after it happened. He predicted the bronco would buck them off at some point from the very start, as we can see with that quote.

Power imbalance

In their relationship Ennis has always been the one calling the shots. Look at that shot on the morning after the tent scene — Ennis is holding a GUN while Jack comes up behind him, as if in defense. He wants to close himself off, he’s afraid of love, he’s afraid of commitment. And he’s also afraid of what will happen to them if society found out. That gun being cocked in that particular shot was definitely NOT a coincidence, especially with how meticulously placed the rest of the props and details are in the entire movie.

Jack was neglected as a child, his father never treated him well. Joe Aguirre sorta took advantage of him labourally and financially because he is perceived as a naive, idealistic kid. Ennis treated him no different.

Jack puts up with a LOT of shit from Ennis, let's be real — Ennis PUNCHES him at one point and never apologises. The only thing he has to say is ‘thought you were still sore from that punch'... Like, that's not how you treat a human being, whatever the relationship.

He didn't act out in physical self defense -- Jack clearly wasn't intending to hurt him. But I do think Ennis’s punch was not out of anger either, but out of defensiveness, of his heart.

Ennis has the tendency to lock himself up and throw away the key. But, Jack being Jack, of course he swam down there to get it despite the whole world telling him not to. And he drowned.

But because of Jack’s childhood and history with being exploited or treated badly, he either sees the glaring red flags and just rolls with it because he loves Ennis, or doesn’t see it at all.

When Jack accidentally elbows Ennis in the nose and causes him to bleed, he’s immediately by his side out of care, shows a lot of concern, yet Ennis punches him and doesn’t show remorse for it -- he truly doesn't know the impact he has on other people (cue: Cassie Cartwright) and toxic masculinity has trained him to express his emotions as... you guessed it, anger. (Cue: him being afraid Alma would talk and threatening her quite aggressively. Then taking it out on a random driver. Also cue those two bikers talking behind his back, you know how that ended.)

Ennis is not comfortable with being openly caring, because men weren’t supposed to do that. Men were supposed to get into fights and be angry.

Also, we get this high shot of Ennis on top of the horse looking down at Jack on the morning after. He’s quite literally ‘above him’. And the look he gives Jack as he rides away, faced with the hope and dread simultaneously coexisting in Jack's eyes, the 'see you for supper'... the look Ennis gives in return is just so FUCKING HEARTBREAKING. IT'S FULL OF CONTEMPT.

Ennis is too rough

Sometimes I wonder if Ennis just sees Jack as a usable object — he disregards his feelings and deals with him roughly and carelessly. Both physically and emotionally.

Ennis is quite insensitive. The toxic beliefs society has imbued in him has subsequently bled into the lives of people around him — he forced his ‘way’ onto them to deal with his own problems. He wants control. He wants to call the shots. (We see he’s on the giving end in the tent scene, but the way he hauls Jack onto all fours, the way they do it silently, Jack is depicted in a way where his own pleasure and feelings are completely disregarded. They're could be rutting animals for all we know.)

Evidence of Ennis being careless with relationships is consistent in any one he's ever been in — platonic, romantic, or familial.

He and Alma didn’t work out. He and Cassie didn’t work out. And especially he and his daughter/s. And the funny thing is, it’s always ENNIS who jumps ship — EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WANTED TO BE CLOSER TO HIM. BUT ENNIS SAID, NO, I DON’T WANT IT, and in the fight or flight response he chose flight.

Jack has sacrificed a LOT to be with him — monogamy (for as long as he could), meeting up only a few times a year for only a few days, not progressing their relationship on a romantic or emotional level in any way,  even though HE is always the one compromising, HE is always the one giving in their relationship, and Ennis has unintentionally treated him in a way that he’s not satisfied with at all. Where is the give and take in this relationship? Where is the equality, the mutual respect of each other's wishes? This imbalance takes on a physical form as Jack is always the one driving to Wyoming to meet with Ennis. Even Lureen comments on this. Yes, Ennis physically can't make it in his pickup, but this is too coincidental to not be a metaphor. There are already others like the soup and the fight scene.

How did two people like this even fall in love? Was it even love?

Oh hell, that's an extremely silly question. On Jack’s end, yes, of course it was. Otherwise he wouldn’t have pushed so hard to pursue a full life with Ennis not just as a sexual partner. He wouldn’t have put up with this much shit from him if it wasn’t worth it.

Ennis? Yeah, despite everything I bitched about, he loved Jack. In their final scene together Ennis finally allowed himself to be emotionally vulnerable for maybe what was the first time -- confessing that he had also been just as affected and tortured by their love as Jack was.

But the thing is, it’s especially hard on Jack. Because Jack has been treated badly by so many people in his life — Joe Aguirre, his father, his father-in-law, hell LUREEN, and then finally... Ennis. Yet the beautiful thing about him is that he never gave up. He chose the hard path, always.

The good, the bad, and the ugly

Ultimately, Ennis's fear, internalised homophobia and toxic masculinity is what prevented them from not just possibly having a good life together, but having any at all (apart from the fact that they might have been killed.) But the subject of trauma is a whole other can of worms, but these are fictional characters so I'm going to take a short leap and say Ennis was a bit selfish and a bit cowardly, but I don't fault him for any of that.

The good is what worked out between him and Jack. The leaps of faith they took, the small steps and fishing trips, their willingness to attempt be together in some capacity in the first place.

The bad is the lack of tact with which some things were handled. Things that, if done differently, could have led to a better outcome. Namely, this is almost entirely on Ennis. Jack has done nothing but try to push the relationship, and yes it could have led to his death but that was intentionally left ambiguous. Therefore we only have Ennis left to blame for the how their relationship resolved; or rather, was left unresolved.

The ugly is what they couldn't control. The rampant homophobia in the world, the perpetuating toxic masculinity, the horrible, cruel nature of many human beings. And of course, their own attraction to each other and desire to be together. It is a gravitational force, a force of nature -- something they can't change, and not only learn to live with but accept wholeheartedly to get the best out of it.

That's why the cinematography of Brokeback Mountain, their paradise, features such stunning, sprawling, saturated scenery rich with the natural environment. It's fruitless to fight against nature.

Anyway, there's no right or wrong answer to how the movie could have ended. Annie Proulx said she hated all the fix-it fanfics because they took away from the realism and core message of her story. Which is true. It's her vision. And Ennis and Jack arguably made the most out of what they were given.... just, Jack more so.

[sunlitlemonade]

y'all can actually 100% disagree with me on this. like genuinely. but every time ian is mentioned and alex is like 'he was training me into something i never wanted to be' i have to take a second and wonder if it was actually like that or if he's just a teenager who never even knew his parents finding out the only living relative he had, the one who brought him up, was something alex never expected him to be. he must feel untethered and betrayed. add to that the trauma he was so nicely handed on a platter right after ian's death and seeing that the skills he had been taught by ian actually helped him. there must be so much bitterness. i think that's part of the reason why every memory mentioned then on is just,,,, tainted with that visceral mix of emotions he never got to process.

lemme show y'all some snippets from Spy Trap. it's a short story set between Skeleton Key and Eagle Strike. anyone who hasn't read it/doesn't want to, the gist is: alex and crawley are in 'car crash' and alex wakes up in a place which acts like a rehabilitation center for MI6 operatives after missions with absolutely ZERO memory of what happened for him to get there. truth is alex and crawley are being kept on a steady diet of drugs to keep them confused and loose to extract valuable intel under the guise of therapy sessions and there was never any car crash. they were drugged and brought in. it was not a hospital for MI6 agents but a set up by foreign intelligence. with all of that in mind - y'know that alex is clearly very disturbed and agitated and under the influence of bad bad stuff - lets see what he has to say about ian [and i know i put a significant chunk here but bear with me]

do you notice how he was prompted into saying what ian wanted from him when dr feng said 'and he wanted you to be a spy too'? for real, with conviction, i know for a fact that he would have refused to elaborate/volunteer any information on ian just the way he did with jack. he wouldn't have said another word. not if that sore spot wasn't hit. and in the very last section we see it boil down to him feeling like luckiest boy in the world but learning he was lied to. we see it all came down to 'I don't even know what Ian really felt about me. Did he like me or did he just want to use me?'

tell me this isn't a boy that hasn't had every memory he had with his uncle overshadowed and tainted by grief and lies. he just wanted love and i truly do think ian loved him. maybe that's just me but hey you're reading my post and i for one am incapable of being normal about these guys.

just think about it - alex was ian's only remaining family too. tell me ian wasn't worried that the way john's work had caught up with him and had gotten him killed, the same might happen to him too? or maybe one day alex could be used as leverage against him and he wanted alex to be ready to defend himself? ok, you might say 'but sunny. that explains the martial arts and physical fitness. what about all the extreme sports and other skills.' well there's this lovely little post by @lapseinart that might give you a little insight. besides, we are working on very little material because we really don't know much about ian except the fact that he was one of the best operatives MI6 had and was important to alex and his competency as a spy.

anyways so immediately after this he says:

and you can see him actively trying to put the session behind him because he seemed to verbally admitted to things he hadn't even admitted to himself before.

idk. i just have a lot of emotions and thoughts but its very interesting to see it progress from 'ian had taught him *insert skill* which is useful here!' to 'ofc another thing ian taught him to discreetly make him into something he didn't want to be'. there's never any proof that ian did that to turn him into a spy [at least as far as i remember lmao. i read the books years back and am on the 4th one on the reread. so my memory of the rest of the books is pretty hazy. correct me if im wrong lol] we never will have a concrete answer because well. ian's dead lmao. we'll never know what he had in mind for alex and why exactly he did all of this. but also,,, the way sorrow and lividity at being lied to twists alex's way of thinking about ian is Something Else.

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

hiiiii lovely! for the fic writing asks, i'd love to know your answers to 🍲🍡🍛 if you feel like it! 🥰🌻💛

hello minnie lovely! 💜🩷 thank you so much for these😘

🍲 when did you start writing and why?

i started writing short stories when i was about seven (a story about a bunny who went on a school trip to the moon 😅), wrote my first “novel” when i was nine, and - yeah. basically for as long as i can remember i’ve always been in the process of writing something. i don’t really know why - i’ve just always felt so drawn to it, and like it’s something that helps me make sense of my experience of the world around me. i (ironically lol) can't really put it into words, but i never really feel more *me* than i do when i’m writing 💜

which of your fics was the most emotionally difficult to write?

there were a couple i wrote right at the beginning of my fic writing days about a decade ago that were really raw and personal, but other than that... i think i'd have to say four walls. it's definitely the closest thing to my heart i've written in years, the most connected i've felt to a protagonist - which is the most wonderful thing to experience when writing, but can also definitely be emotionally difficult in that it's hard to switch off from sometimes, and has also made me confront quite a few themes that have been significant in my own life. but in my experience, the most emotionally difficult fics to write are also always the most rewarding ✨ (something that is 100% true for four walls!)

have any comments, tags or reactions to one of your fics ever made you laugh or cry or both?

oh my god, SO often! i feel like this is the case for basically every fic i've ever posted and got feedback for - i'm utterly incapable of keeping a straight face whenever i'm reading comments people have left on my work. @perfectly-clear-from-here is always RIDICULOUSLY good at saying things when they're beta-ing my work that make me laugh out loud regardless of where i am (more than once i've got some strange looks on the bus 😅), but there have been also a whole bunch of comments on four walls recently with people basically just shouting at alex for being a total idiot that have made me giggle helplessly 😭

i have also been lucky enough to have some unbelievably lovely, thoughtful and personal comments on various fics over the years (several on four walls are particularly fresh in my mind rn, including of course the ones from your lovely self minnie 🥺💞) and honestly - every time someone talks about having personally connected with something i've written, i can feel my heart ache and my eyes start welling up 😭 there have been some really special comments i've received for various fics in the past that have always stuck with me too, and which totally reduced me to tears when i read them first and still pull at my heart when i think about them now. it's truly just such a profound, special thing and such a privilege when you feel like something you've written has impacted someone else 💜

[anewnewcrest]

What mods do you use for this save, if you don’t mind me asking? I’m assuming MCCC to override the household member limit, but anything else?

And how much autonomy do you allow these nincompoops? For example: did David Johnson autonomously start flirting with Henrietta, or did you script that? I’d be very impressed if you have entire storylines written out in advance, but managing to turn sim AI into a coherent plot also takes mad skills.

Just for my own amusement: do you have a favorite family/sim atm?

Thank you for asking, please feel free to ignore my incoming ramble, I am constitutionally incapable of keeping things short (but you read the blog, so you probably already know that).

I use MCCC to override the household limit and increase the limit of sims allowed on a lot up the wazoo so I can get everyone assembled at church or the Johnsons' house. I also double the bills and half skill gains and career performance gains (and in some cases just stop career progression entirely if it doesn't suit the story), because the game makes it too easy to accumulate wealth, and them all being rich and not struggling with finances would really take the fun out of the Fundies (and really, with their education, they're not supposed to get promoted anyway).

For the religion content, I use Rambunctious Religions.

For screenshot purposes, I also have pose player and teleport any Sim (obviously), in addition to that Control Any Sim (invaluable if you have people from other households who just won't do what you want them to), Less Musical Chairs and No Stand Up to Greet from LittleMsSam, and a few mods that remove effects such as food sparkles and floor sparkles and sparkles around heads and other cosmetic things similar to that, as well as a few to turn off fade on trees and columns.

As for things peculiar to Fundie gameplay, with as often as everyone is pregnant, LittleMsSam's Pregnancy Overhaul is also a must, because if those ladies can't exercise during their pregnancies, they'll never exercise. I also got the Unlimited Jobs mod from Turbodriver because if you've got eleventy kids, one job really doesn't cut it, and you need a side job for your side job. Also a mod for them to keep their instruments in their inventory because these kids are always practicing the violin and keeping their instruments in any semblance of order is a chore. And Adults can Cry which is obviously critical for them to express their misery with their choices.

There's also a lot of modest clothing CC (even though I try to keep it rather minimal - I rarely succeed). And I recently installed Healthcare Redux to spice up the whole thing a bit, because I was getting a bit bored with gameplay lately.

As for how much autonomy they have... very little, I'm afraid! I'm a bit (more than a bit) of a control freak, and I have a large SPREADSHEET where everything is accounted for. I usually have a Sims' general life direction planned out before they're even born (so I can start giving them the personality they need for their plot starting as young as toddlers, and also so I can start dropping story hints), though sometimes they do surprise me (Chelsea leaving was not planned that way, she was set to get married and have a lot of Fundie kids, but then she rebelled so hard and I liked her so much that I just couldn't do that to her, and Sharon Graham was supposed to be a Fundie lawyer lady in a politically influential Fundie power couple... but then I couldn't do that to her parents).

Stories shift around as they develop and I get to know them (honestly, I thought Baker and Lily would be a boring standard-issue Fundie couple together and then I wrote them and I realized all the issues they have from the way they grew up and I couldn't just not add that to their relationship dynamic!) and see how much I like them or not, and whether I'm having fun with them, whether they get along, or if it would be weird for them to end up together, and I also have a long, long list of ideas to draw from if I totally draw a blank with a kid (which does happen). As for Henrietta, she was made for having an affair with David, quite literally, the poor woman.

As for my current favorites... I really like Mark and Kathryn Graham a lot, because they're some of the very few decent folks I currently have in the game, and Mark's just living his best life right now. And on the other end of the spectrum, I'm absolutely, ridiculously excited about Priscilla Sawyer (née Johnson) starting her arc, because while she's not a good person, she will be so much fun, and rebelling hardcore against the Fundie wife mold. Max Sr. and Jr. have no idea what's going to hit them.

[fluffypotatey]

any tips and tricks for getting into the writing zone?

ok so i have 2 methods and they depend on what i'm writing on: story writing and essay writing (waring: this is a mini-ramble)

with essay writing,

get mad, get super fucking mad, write that shit with spite flowing in your veins. even when i'm writing essays and stories i enjoy, i drag my feet.

i whine and complain like a toddler in my head because despite this topic being one i enjoy, putting my excited tones and rambling into coherent words always tends to feel like i'm butchering that (which is why academic papers should simply let me swear in them and use the 1st pov bc it is sO easy and my thoughts flow a lot better but noooOOOOoooooOOOOOooooo, i have to be formal and proper and-)

also, outlining. fucking godsend with essays. it's why a lot of my longer essays have headings bc i use them to outline and keep my thought on one line of thought bc i have a rambling issue (which is then easily solved with parentheses, my beloved)

with story writing (notice how this is basically a heading? good job! you've found my mini outline for this reply! have a cookie 🍪)

i find that jotting down that scene that is nagging at your brain immediately is super helpful. and do it even if you're now writing out of order. pro-tip: writing out of order is THE best, endorphins be going crazy bc you're actually not fighting with your brain with the story but writing alongside your brain-map.

personally, i find it very difficult outlining a story (how contrary) because sometimes my mind changes ideas or switches the order of scenes, and it is exhausting trying to keep up with all of that in your outline. but i guess, my "outline" with stories is simply me jotting down a very quick summary of the plot that invaded my mind in one document, never touching it again, but staying true to it because i wrote it down. therefore, it exists no longer in the recesses of mind but it a physical statement/promise to complete.

also (this advice goes for both story and essays) it is ok to take a break, step back, and not look at your writing for some hours, days, weeks, months, years--fucking whenever.

my midterm essay? a fucking nightmare. loved the topic, would write something similar about it for fun, but the reason it took me so long to complete (and why i dragged my feet) was because of the "short" timeline i had to complete it. i felt like i was on a time crunch and that led to me procrastinating, stressing over it, and taking my grand old time researching for it. however, when i was able to work on it? i allowed myself to simply do as much as i could. if i was unable to look at that stupid document, i didn't look at it. if my mind had a really good thought or example for the topic rotating in my head? immediate sit down and get that thought onto the paper. it must exist.

i have fics sitting in my folders that have been unfinished in so long, but i still consider them as wips because (and here’s another subpart-advice) i tend to work on them when i am unable to touch my current work. to be frank, working on something else helps keep you in the writing zone even if you cannot stand to look at the blank/unfinished work you wanted to complete originally. when i was incapable of writing for the Monkie Destiny Challenge, i switched to working on writing and editing my teen wolf fic (a fic i had not looked at since July) because while i still had that itch to write, something was blocking me from completing the prompts. and when i switched fics, getting into the zone was a lot easier.

so, to recap:

when jumpstarting the writing zone for writing an essay, you get passionate (can be read as mad/spiteful), and outline your thought process of the essay with headings to keep the writing flow flowing (the headings do not need to stay in the final product but they are good to have in the draft) .

when jumpstarting story writing, write! that! shit! down!!!! chronological order doesn't mean shit when you're in the planning/writing phase. your readers don't have to know that you wrote/planned a character's death before writing/planning out the beginning. they just read it in the order you publish it in!

to keep the writing zone stable and in working condition, TAKE THOSE BREAKS BOO! who cares about your personal deadlines???? if you feel exhausted before opening up a doc, then take that break, babygirl. again, your reader(s) will not need to know (nor do they need to know) how long it took you to get your writing piece done. hell, if you still feel the itch to write but the thing you wanna do is not working, then work on something else you haven't touched in a while because that itch WILL get its scratch somewhere, so help me god.

so yeah, i hope this was helpful, anon (and coherent jfc there better not be a plethora of typos T^T). happy writing, and may your weekend be a healthy dose of eventful!

[themirokai]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged in this by the incredible @pellaaearien . Thank you so much, dear! I really did start working on it when you tagged me and have picked away at it ever since. It’s quite long!

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

49

2. What's your total Ao3 word count?

122,560. I write short things.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

In chronological order I have written:

BBC Sherlock- Mystrade only

James Bond

Doctor Who

Star Wars

Person of Interest

Arcane

Cats the Musical

Sandman

In theory I’m open to writing in any of those again and any others as the inspiration strikes.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

5 - Worship (Sandman, Dreamling), also received the comment that inspired my first tumblr post to breach containment.

4 - Who He Is (Mystrade), my first fic on ao3 besides the ones I moved to the Other Account. I’m a bit surprised by this honestly. It’s got age on its side but my writing has improved a lot since then. It reads as a bit clunky to me now.

3 - Loverboy (Sandman, Dreamling + Matthew the Emotional Support Raven), first time I brought my 2 Sandman series together and my first multi chap Sandman fic.

2 - The Century Gentleman (Sandman, Dreamling), I got this written and posted pretty soon after the show aired when there was a massive demand for Dreamling content and before there was a tidal wave of content to meet the demand. I have mixed feelings about it now.

1 - Sort It (James Bond & Sherlock crossover, 00Q + Mystrade), fills the niche of “Q is a Holmes brother” + fluffy Mystrade. I do still really love this story.

5. Do you respond to comments?

My rule is that I do. And I’ve generally been very diligent about it. But I burnt out a little while writing Grave and I currently have an embarrassing number of unread comments in my ao3 inbox that I keep telling myself that I need to respond to…

So if folks have commented on my stuff in the last month or so, I’m very sorry I haven’t responded.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Sequenced Proposals. No contest. Look, the character is terminally ill in canon and it’s a lawyer AU so it wasn’t going to end with him becoming a cyborg. I cried a lot while writing it. Apparently a lot of people cried while reading it. Technically he’s still alive when the story ends.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

With the one notable exception discussed above I pretty much exclusively write warm, fluffy, occasionally funny stuff. They pretty much all end happily. I am a quokka of fan fiction.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I haven’t! Someone called me a bitch in a Sequenced Proposals comment but even though we had never interacted before, they meant it positively.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Not on this account. 😏

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I’ve written 2: Sort It, as mentioned above, and Dreaming of Leverage, which is a Sandman & Leverage crossover. I’d say the latter is crazier.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nooooo. And I can’t see ever doing it. Writing is very much a solo activity for me.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

I can’t pick a favorite. I adore every ship I’ve written.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I will probably not finish Law School Days. I know how the story ends and that’s good enough for me and no one was clamoring for it. I still like to think I’ll finish Lonely Two-Legged Creatures some day.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I’m good at dialogue, especially dialogue in which characters talk about their feeeeeelings. I guess I’m also good at emotional intelligence in stories. And creating the warm & fuzzies.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Plot and description. I almost exclusively write very short things because I am incapable of plot that would carry a longer story. Also, if I’m being honest, one of the things I like about writing fan fiction is that I don’t have to describe what anyone looks like or sounds like! Y’all know that already. But I do get the flop sweats if I have to describe someone wearing clothing that is not a t-shirt and jeans.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I wish I could! More than 15 years ago I was basically conversational in Spanish, but now I’m functionally monolingual. I do appreciate when people who do this provide translations.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

As a kid, before I knew what fan fiction was, I wrote at least 100 pages of what was essentially OCs in Mercedes Lackey’s Valdemar. The first fandom I intentionally wrote and posted fic for was Mystrade.

20. Favourite fic you've written?

Can’t do this, sorry. There are some of my stories that no longer resonate with me the way they did when I wrote them, but they’re in the minority and of the rest it’s impossible to pick a favorite.

Phew! That was a lot. Whenever I tag people in these I always say no pressure but really and seriously this time there’s no pressure and you don’t need to tell me why you’re not doing it. Just ignore. ALSO, if you’ve already done it and I missed it, apologies! With that said @once-in-a-blue-moon-rising @lavenderandvanilla @ml-nolan @mashumaru @ibrithir-was-here @karalynlovescake @stormofsharpthings @argylepiratewd

[icarianarts]

More about me under the cut! ;P

Icarian • he/they/she (no preference) • transsexual • 21 y/o

I'm a Graphic Design Major ^_^

A running joke about me is a lot of my points of interest reflect that of a cishet boy but I promise I am normal about everything I get into. I may talk about some things more than others because I get embarrassed with what I like easily, but here's a general list!

General Movies + TV Shows

• Seinfeld

• The Birdcage

• The Yellow Submarine

• The Muppets

• The Shrek series (Unironically, whenever I talk about Shrek it is never for the meme, but for my love of the movies and characters.)

Various Adam Sandler movies + things that are so bad they're good, if that makes any sense. I love regularly watching tacky things that were poorly produced and/or written. Pretty much anything I can commentate on easily with my friends and complain about lightly LOL

Anime + Manga

• Jojo's Bizarre Adventure (Parts 1 + 3 + 6 are usually my areas of focus, but I have read all of it up to 9, which I've yet to really dive into.)

• Dragon Ball (Childhood interest of mine, I haven't watched the series regularly or have drawn fanart regularly since I was 14 or so. Hilariously, I still find myself to this day getting into conversations surrounding it so I might as well include it!)

• Berserk (I LOVE PUCK ^_^)

• Devilman (Obligatory post-Berserk catch up read so I could see the elements Miura was inspired by.)

Video Games

• Pretty much most Nintendo games, I have a baseline knowledge of everything under that company's label. (Focus on Pokémon + Mario + Kid Icarus + etc. it'll be glaringly obvious what my favorites are just by checking my old smash bros ultimate tags...)

• Mega Man Classic

• Second Life + VR Chat (If you ever consider wanting to play any of these games, feel free to shoot me an ask or DM if you'd like an insider's explanation on what the scene is like on them! I can go into great detail the amount of stories I have accumulated from my excursions, all the good and the bad LMAO)

• Genshin Impact (I do not engage with the fanbase, and find a lot of the fans genuinely exhausting to be around. While it is no worse than The Legend of Zelda with its issues, the fans remarkably make it so much more agonizing to talk about.)

• Ball Gay 3

Miscellaneous

• I love the Abrahamic Faiths and sometimes post about my experiences struggling in queer spaces predominantly ran by culturally christian white atheists who choose to say all organized faith is inherently bad and perpetuate the "queer vs. religion" issue.

• I went to a Japanese immersion school from the ages 5 through 11 and have been casually keeping up with the language since!

• I love classic country and folk rock. When I say I like country, I specifically mean the genre and general scene behind country that predates the 9/11 shift in music. I also (embarrassingly) know a shit ton of Beatles trivia. John Denver is my favorite music artist.

...and much more I am probably forgetting to list out! I am critical of all my interests, so please do not be presumptuous. Ultimately, I consider a lot of "Fandom DNI" things to be hypocritical and performative in the sense that it eliminates any nuance.

Simply put, I will just block you if you are someone who refuses to have any critical thinking skills...that being said, given how tumblrinas seem to be incapable of figuring out what that means, here is a brief rundown of what I that tends to encapsulate. LMAOOOOOO

No stupid discourse No creeps No "it's just fictional!" No whatever I deem to be genuinely sickening I know "DNI" pages are performative and areas for people to flaunt their basic morality but lately I have had to block so many people I feel as though I need to put a typical warning up so. You Know. Gestures Vaguely. For Genshin Fans specifically coming to my blog know I do not put up with any ship remotely creepy. I see a good portion of the "short" character model characters as children, and genuinely cannot "unsee" it. This is not something to argue in my asks about. Just leave me alone, I do not participate in the fandom for a reason.

[hyperfixated-homo]

beloved!

😈 - is Mikey a little shit

❓️- what role does Casey play in your au? does she come up at all?

❓️- do the horror boys still fight the regular villains after they get back from their horror-verses? how would that play out with their changed personalities (personalities might not be the word I'm looking for but you get the idea)

HONEYYYY <33

😈 - mikey isnt a little shit in this verse unfortunately :( he had to grow uo and be independent so quickly because of his trauma that he finds it a bit hard to be jokingly mean or annoying.

❓- ooh!!! okay SO. since i am incapable of creating an original villain, my boy shreddy is going to be the big bad, with the foot clan backing him up for Chaos Reasons. casey, much like in the show, originally starts off in the foot before joining forces with the hamatos in order to stop the shredder. she becomes an official member of the clan, eventually. which means an initiation process, eventually. long story short, her horror genre is splatter (basically any horror that focuses solely on BLOOD and GUTS and GORE)

❓- i believe i write an answer to this in my discord. i’m gonna copy paste it here because i eepy :)

1. I think that at first, it’s actually only Mikey that wants to fight crime when he comes back. Since he had to deal with so many criminals back in his au, he really wants to try to help fix this world and avoid letting them fall apart like his own did. I imagine the others would join in for no other reason than wanting to support him. Leo and Donnie don’t really care what they do? But they’ve both found it easier to not have breakdowns when they’re outside the lair. Raph wants to keep his brothers safe, so he usually follows along.

So fun fact (that idk if i ever mentioned) the boys are 13-15 when they leave their respective dimensions. Which means that they only start fighting crime once they come back. Which means the villains didn’t know them before they became like this. All this to say, they are SIGNIFICANTLY scarier to them than they are in the canon show, but it’s not because they knew them before. It’s because holy shit these fucking kids will actually kill me what the fuck. What the FUCK.

How it goes depends on who they’re fighting. Draxum is suprisingly equal to them in terms of how they fight, and usually only escapes due to quick thinking and luck. The smaller villains (eg Warren, Repo Mantis, those crab guys whos names I can’t remember for the LIFE of me) are pretty much a nonissue. Except Hypno. I might explore that a bit later. The foot are actually quite easy to thwart, though none of them know quite what the Foot are doing anyways, so that doesn’t mean much.

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary166

2/27-28/2024

tuesday - wednesday

sooo tired.

i'll keep work related stuff short, i got sent in early, i was there from 3:00 to 9:57. i did take a 30 minute break though, but i didn't eat or anything. i woke up at about 11 am, so i didn't eat from then to about 11 pm. i also got complained about at work, because a woman thought i made her pay for a ride and her kids weren't able to get on or something and then like, used her credits to let people on or something, or that i was letting people on for free at some point. i don't remember anything like that happening, i think i just said no to her and she had to throw a fit.

anyway the problem song from last night is still a problem i think. some stuff needs to be fixed so i'm gonna do that. i'm also making toast. i did make actual dinner too but i am just sooo hungry lol.

the song is getting there. i just read an article about disney adults, and it's made me powerfully sad. not much else to say beyond that.

now i'm listening to built to spill, it's been a while, as a kid they were a favorite, or since being a kid, they've been a favorite. this time around, nothing's really changing there. but the memories are less about when i saw them as a kid, and more about my more recent brushes with them, i got to see them live a few years ago, and it was a really great concert, it was lovely to see doug up there playing songs off keep it like a secret. but the memories are specifically about this guy i saw there, unexpectedly, a very online guy i met in a class, about american short stories. the class was good, and i sat by this guy, and i really liked him. not romantically, i just found him charming in an earnest way, i wish we talked more, i wish we saw eachother more, he liked my 100% electronica shirt, he was very nice. when i saw him at the built to spill show, he was really feeling the music, when i told him i never really listened to keep it like a secret he said "well, you're gonna love this, this is the good stuff." and i saw him, during keep it like a secret, mouthing every word, fist in the air, eyes closed. it was religious for him, this memory of him, of chad, his name is chad, really moves me, his existence came off as very vulnerable, to be chad was to be vulnerable, i felt like, i dunno. he seemed very neurotic i suppose. or maybe not very, but he seemed sad in evident ways, he really moved me i guess. i dunno. men like that always do. it's people who seem to be horrifically sad, and people who i seem to be incapable of really getting to know, that linger in my mind, but never remain in my life. i guess now it's this sense that i'd like to staunch the misery by being his friend, up to now, but i'm bad at talking to people. i still need to talk to my mom.

for a while, on twitter, he'd sometimes interact with posts, and i'd interact with his. i liked that, it's sad too though, i wish we all had an easier time of being in each others lives.

the song does sound better now, at least. i feel so emotionally fried today. long hours really mess me up. it doesn't seem sustainable. i have to do it again today. maybe i need to do something to make that less, uhhhhh, likely, to happen to me, i guess. but idk what to really do. if i just say i can't work (x) days they might like, give me fucked up stupid shifts or something. guhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. this is the thing i hate, feeling my life taken away. i feel like a dumb stupid animal and like all that's waiting for me if i move an inch is punishment via stick on my stupid tiny skull and my brains splattering across everythingggggggggggggggg. or maybe just the back of a dryer, and my remains going unremoved, cooking off the heat of the dryer.

i feel like crying. dumb.

something bothers me about people being compliant, i guess, with that. but that's stupid, i shouldn't care, i just really hate knowing of people who are like workaholics basically, like they love it, that's like, disgusting to me almost. it's one person i'm thinking of, maybe that makes it okay, because i'm not even thinking of a type. i'm thinking of one human who bothers me. i'm just dumb and confused right now. i want to put my head underneath something super heavy.

unrelated to wanting to destroyyy myself, i think the song above has one of the most perfect snare sounds ever. the snare rolls are so violent, and still it's like, cute, too. it's perfect, as a sound. i wanna find something near that, and make grindcore with it, soon. maybe for the next ep, i'll evolve this drumkit in that direction, nail the snare sound.

3 am ughghhghg. i am gonna work out and try to feel better.

i worked out, and i think i've got this song right, for real this timeee. yayyyyyyyyyyy.

so, i should sleep now,

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!