#i am once again reiterating that i get why people drop out during finals season

[alxclaremont]

i have had exactly two months to write a six page paper. i started it two hours ago. it is due at 5:45 tomorrow. i have a progressing cold and have also chugged a celsius. i am deeply regretting everything i have ever done.

[ncisladaily]

Renée Felice Smith was only six years old when she knew that she wanted to be an actress and storyteller, but people tried to dissuade her from her chosen career path, telling her it was an impossible goal. Luckily, Smith’s parents weren’t among the naysayers, and today she’s living her dream, starring as Intelligence Analyst Nell Jones on NCIS: Los Angeles (Sundays, 9 p.m., CBS) and co-authoring her first children’s book Hugo and the Impossible Thing with her creative partner Chris Gabriel.

So, when her French Bulldog Hugo was diagnosed with a brain tumor, Smith once again ignored the doubters and found the best vet possible to give Hugo a shot at life rather than listen to those who told her it was “just truly impossible.”

“We just knew we had to try for our little guy, and we’re so glad we did because he was with us for another two beautiful years, just grinning, growling and running around the yard like the wild man that he always was,” Smith tells Parade.com in this exclusive interview. “So, we’re so glad we fought for him and advocated for him.”

When Hugo finally passed, Smith and Gabriel knew they had to tell his story to inspire others to conquer the seemingly impossible things in their life. So they wrote a story about a little dog named Hugo, who succeeded where others didn’t even try as a result of his bravery, curiosity, teamwork and persistence.

“The love is still here, and it needed someplace to go, so now we have the book and Hugo’s message that now we get to share with the world, which I’m just so grateful that it’s become real,” Smith adds.

Related: NCIS: Los Angeles‘ Daniela Ruah Speculates About Whether Kensi and Deeks Will Survive the Obstacles Ahead

This Sunday night, Smith will be back with some teamwork of her own when NCIS: Los Angeles returns with a new episode dealing with technology, which is something that Nell excels at. In the “Imposter Syndrome” episode, NCIS obtains a hard drive containing a realistic deep fake video of a deceased terrorist and must retrieve the dangerous technology behind it. However, when the team’s comms are hijacked during their mission, they find that one of their own has been a victim of its potential.

And, spoiler alert, Smith says that in the May 23 Season 12 finale, Nell will finally be reunited with Hetty (Linda Hunt)! But how that will play out remains to be seen.

“Linda was essentially sidelined by the pandemic, but, very exciting, I do share a scene with her in our season finale and it’s one of the most memorable scenes of my time on NCIS: LA, so I’m very grateful to have her back as my scene partner,” Smith says.

For more of what Smith had to say about her real-life Hugo and Hugo and the Impossible Thing, as well as more NCIS: Los Angeles scoop, read on.

With your background, a movie seems a more natural project than a book about Hugo. How did it turn into a book?

Chris, my other half, and I are lovers of all types of books. We grew up with children’s books and some of the most impactful stories and lessons we feel that we’ve learned in our lives we learned in the pages of those books, so we really wanted to create this modern classic, a book that kids, or quite frankly, anyone nowadays could really benefit from.

Especially right now, we’re all dealing with our own version of the impossible thing, and we’re trying to find our way to the other side. What better way to inspire you and yours to go out and conquer whatever your impossible thing is than through a storybook following this spirited French Bulldog through the forest, kind of this yellow brick road, Wizard of Oz structure? He meets up with his forest friends and they end up helping him through the impossible thing. It’s really a story about bravery, curiosity, teamwork and persistence. We wanted to encourage that in our readers, both young and young at heart.

Tell us about Hugo and his battle with his brain tumor.

Hugo was diagnosed with a brain tumor and we were truly beside ourselves. It was an out-of-body experience. He was a feisty, curious, wild man who was quite literally sidelined by this potentially terminal disease, and we just knew that we didn’t want to give up on him, and he wasn’t giving up on himself. Every step of the way, we would say out loud, “Hugo, just let us know, buddy, do you want to keep going?” And he met us with this enthusiasm for the process every step of the way. And that is truly why we kept going.

Did Hugo instill in you the belief that the impossible might be possible? Or did you already have that?

That’s interesting. I think the process really showed us that if you ask the questions, oftentimes the people who ask the questions are the people who find the answers, and this process really reiterated that. He inspired us to advocate for him, because animals are helpless on their own, but we could do something about it. We could ask the questions; we could be his voice. I’m just so thankful that he was always this bright light that had this insatiable curiosity for life. He definitely imbued that in me, and I know he imbued that in Chris. He did inspire us to help him conquer his impossible thing. If he didn’t have the fight in him, if he wasn’t such a spirited dog, I don’t know if that would’ve happened, but he was singular in a way. I reference him as my canine son, because he was. He was my baby.

On NCIS: Los Angeles, Nell is torn these days. She feels Hetty tricked her into taking the job when she said she didn’t want it, but she has the support of her team and also Kilbride. So how do you think she’s feeling these days?

She really is at a crossroads in her life. I think a lot of young women find themselves at this point, where they are very good at their job, but is it the job that they always saw themselves in? Is it the job they saw their future selves thriving in? I think for Nell, she’s really questioning whether she wants this to be her story, and in the process, she’s really finding her voice this season. There’s a scene with Sam Hanna, LL Cool J‘s character, that recently aired, where she spells out her frustrations in her position as de facto operations manager and how she’s struggling to keep the plates spinning. And she tells him that he needs to get on her team. It was a really stern moment for Nell.

I don’t think we’ve really ever seen that. Actually, LL Cool J and I were talking about what a different flavor this scene is bringing to the show because Nell usually is quick with a quip, but she doesn’t often drop the hammer in this way. And this season, we really do get to see Nell drop this hammer, stand in her power, and let people know that she needs help and she’s questioning this process.

I think that’s the side of being the operations manager that we didn’t really get to see very much with Hetty because she had everything under control. So, it’s kind of fun and new to see the person, who may be greener in the position, find her way in this new position of leadership.

How much has COVID affected what we’re seeing this season? Is that why we don’t see more of Linda Hunt, to keep her safe? And I noticed there are fewer people in scenes, especially in ops.

You’re absolutely right. Our show did an incredible job managing the crisis that was the pandemic and continues to be the pandemic. We are tested five days a week. Our crew was incredible in keeping everyone safe. The was goal to keep everyone safe, and we were, in turn, able to create 18 episodes of television, which is incredible.

You were just picked up for your 13th season, so it isn’t over yet, but when you look back, what will you take away from it?

Oh, my goodness. We’re a family, you know, but it’s been a mini-film school for me as well. My time at NCIS: LA has been educational. I just pinch myself how lucky I am that I was able to quite frankly lock onto a job like this for so long. In our industry, stability as an actor is not something you often experience. So, to have this group of people who I’ve grown to love and really consider extensions of my family, I’m just so grateful for the time. I feel like I’ve been a student. I feel like I went to school all over again for 10 years.

With Linda being this master in her craft, I can’t even quantify what I learned from her and most of it happens when we’re waiting to do our scene. It’s in those moments that I hear the stories from her childhood and the stories from early in her career, just these nuggets of wisdom that I have now in my little carpet bag.

From your work outside NCIS: LA, it seems as if maybe long-term, you’re more interested in being behind the camera and writing, producing, directing.

It’s interesting, often as actors, we’re part of someone else’s story, we’re carrying out someone else’s vision, but I’ve always been a storyteller. As a kid, I would essentially write my own little plays and perform them in the yard and direct my friends and family, my sister, namely, in those plays. And for as long as I remember, I’ve always wanted to tell stories. So, yeah, that is where I see myself heading in the future.

You’ve said that you knew at age six that this is what you want to do. And you were lucky that your parents supported you.

Oh, 100 percent. I wouldn’t be standing here today if they hadn’t instilled confidence in me and in my creativity. They really created an environment that fostered out-of-the-box thinking, and I’m so grateful for that.

Which takes us full circle back to the impossible just might be possible.

It’s so true. If you’re curious enough and brave enough and you have the support, obviously, of your community, I think that’s the missing piece in a lot of these puzzles. It’s really the support because you can’t get there alone. No one can. The one-woman show does not exist. It’s an ensemble; it’s a production.

[veridium]

dragon age day

I know today might be a bit overwhelming for the fandom since it is, of course, the day (the day of all days). When I thought about what I wanted to contribute, if anything, I could only think of saying thanks. As I am in the midst of finals and grading assignments, I don’t have many spoons to spare, except to reiterate what I have said so many times before: dragon age has provided me with so many blessings. 

CW: discussion of toxic relationship, emotional abuse.

Some of you know that around the time I joined the fandom in 2018 (after having only played Inquisition for several months beforehand), I was in the midst of an incredibly toxic, emotionally abusive, and failing relationship. I had just graduated college and was at a crossroads. Because the relationship was the longest and most serious I had ever known I was incredibly attached to it, even as it became detrimental to my happiness. We were planning on getting engaged this past summer. Our entire lives were planned and I was in it for the long haul. 

Earlier that year my ex had gifted me Inquisition after I kept seeing it in GameStop and saying I had always wanted to try it. I played it once, got infuriated by the Hinterlands, and put it down for a long time. Around the time I finished undergrad I decided to give it another try, and quickly became hooked. I would spend hours and hours in front of the TV learning by trial and error how to play. My ex was the more prolific gamer but that quickly started to change. 

That wasn’t the only shift that was happening. 

One of the symptoms of my ex’s and her family’s toxicity and its impact on me was that I had become incredibly detached from art. I have been artistic since I was strong enough to hold a crayon in my hand. My family swore for years I’d be an artist, or an actress. But I have learned that, what all-too-often happens when you choose to love something that doesn’t love you the way you deserve in return, you lose touch with all the things that remind you of why you’re so worthy of a great love. You don’t invest in it, you don’t nourish it, because it becomes all about preserving this person in your life and what you believe they bring to it. When things turn dark the natural inclination is to sacrifice more in order to save it: to prove that you can be as loyal as your promised. 

A year later and I am still unpacking the trauma that was inflicted upon me during that time of my life, trauma I didn’t know by name as it was happening because I had given my all to someone I loved and the future we wanted. But not everything was rosey and blissful, and I am reflecting upon that. I think back to what finally woke me up, and it’s quite literally this: I turned into a huge, enthusiastic, and clumsy nerd. 

Playing a game with such a vivid world took what was perhaps one of the last surviving matchsticks there was, lighting it, and dropping it on me. My imagination consumed Thedas like water after a 40-year drought. I began theorizing characters, researching the prior games, and scrolling through the wiki site hunting for lore. I realized the universe was so much bigger than what Inquisition represented. 

Then, I bought the first sketchbook I had in over a year. 

My characters became my muse, and over time, their portraits grew into stories. I looked up Tumblr and rejoined specifically to engage with the fandom and see what sharing my love with other people could do for my creativity. Even though art and writing were lifelong passions of mine, I had no intention whatsoever of writing fanfiction until I read other people’s work, saw the fun they were having with it and what it was doing for their healing, and I decided to go out on a limb.

The more stories I wrote the more I remembered my marrow: I was so much more than what my relationship, and my partner’s family, warped me into seeing. My original characters started out as projections of the qualities and traits I loved and missed about myself, as well as love letters to the women and queer people in my life. And in the canon characters I grew attached to I saw hope and inspiration for surviving adversities. Tests of faith, conviction, and courage under pressure. In their stories I found refuge and reliability for a terrible era of my life where I felt so completely alone.

As I gave more and more time to my passions, my relationship strained even further than it had. I was no longer hopelessly devoted to its endurance, I had something that was purely mine again, and my partner’s encouragement waned. It turned into jealousy -- for this and many other parts of my life I used as an escape from the sadness -- and rather than bend as I had done before, I pushed back. I protected what was my own and I did not sacrifice it. To be fair it wasn’t always healthy: I would log hours and hours into the game to escape the stress of the relationship, to distract myself from the fact that my mental health was the lowest and frailest it had been in years, and the cold, hard truth: it was over, or else I was going to commit my life to something terrible. 

Months later, I said enough. I ended the relationship once and for all. I was moving my life out of an apartment I had lived in for years, saying goodbye to everything I had fought so hard to build. In your early 20s everything feels like a vast unknown and you have a manual with no writing on its pages. Every serious decision feels like invoking a storm you have to hunker down in. I still deal with that, and am learning from it with every new season. I have also learned that sometimes destruction, and creative recklessness, is about so much more than loss. I had given up security I was paying for with my emotional well-being. 

But I kept me, and my sketchbooks, and my art supplies, and my stories. I had my cat, too, but you know, technicalities (haha).

So, for as imperfect as my fandom experience has been, and for as grumpy as I have become with society’s bullshit (which is quite the high level), I will always be grateful to these games for existing. For giving me something to hold onto when my life was falling apart, a world I could slip away to when I wasn’t ready to face the evils in my own. Because when I was finally ready, and willing to be my own warrior, my imagination was ready to make something out of nothing. These games and this universe helped me save myself.

Thank you to Dragon Age, to the fandom community I have made in its name, and to everyone who makes it worthwhile. But it wouldn’t be me without saying: fuck off to every single bullshit game writer who used its medium to perpetuate harmful tropes and norms, fuck off to fandom racists and racist apologists, to queerphobes who hated my meta on account of it using the word queer even though it was my explicit voice as a queer creative on queer issues (did I forget to say queer? queer!), to Vivienne haters, sexist gamer bros, fetishists; but explicitly to romanticizers of unhealthy power dynamics between couples and friends alike. These horror stories (yes, horror stories) exist enough in real life, take it from me. We don’t need them made into romanticized, co-opted, and misused fictions here. 

The reason why I and so many others write for this universe, and participate creatively, is to combat these influences. With our own blood, sweat, and tears as artists, might I add. I am so, so proud to be included in that community. 

So, happy Dragon Age Day, ya’ll. Let us keep warm on this, our trash can fire. 

[marvelandimagine]

Framework (Part Two)

Summary: Request - Bucky x reader songfic where he pushes her away and they break up but he’s miserable without her and it all ends in fluff and apologies

Pairing: Bucky x reader

Word Count: 2,200

Author’s Note: This was literally the hardest chapter I’ve ever written idk why but I should probably start outlining instead of winging it 25/7 lol anywho sorry this took forever and hopefully p3 will come to my brain faster! / based on Framework by The Story So Far

Taglist: @firefly-in-darkness @emptynote @buckysgoddess

How’d this happen?

Found your way in

So distracting

Splitting me in half again

Can’t ever sever the ties I made

The knots are strong

The framework’s laid

No matter how many things I say

The tangible will always be what I crave

Six agonizing days pass, with Bucky coming to the conclusion that he actually can’t live with his decision. He feels like he’s drowning in regret, his anxiety is off the charts, and, plainly, he’s just fucking miserable.

Despite everything he said to you, to himself, to Sam, it’s become crystal clear that not having you in his life is hurting him way more than confronting his trust issues and fear of impermanence.

He misses you like hell. The scent of your clothes, the way you laugh, the warmth in your eyes and on your fingertips. How perfectly your bodies fit together, the way you gasp and growl his name. How you would hold him to your chest, tracing soothing patterns across his skin when he couldn’t stop shaking from the nightmares and the flashbacks. How funny and beautiful and kind you are. Even things that had irritated him, your reiterated suggestions of different therapies and mindfulness techniques (some that had helped you personally), how you never tried to hide rolling your eyes, you constantly misplacing your keys/phone/wallet and him finding it within seconds -- he missed it all. All of you, the good and bad, had somehow become woven into his being. He could sooner get rid of how he felt about you than get rid of himself.

He told himself he wouldn’t do it, but he’s been repeatedly checking your Instagram page, heart thudding each time as he anticipates seeing the pictures of the two of you together deleted -- or worse, seeing you with another guy’s arm wrapped around you. So far, though, there’s been nothing except a video post of your dog, Balto, howling and grinning at your TV screen when Ghost appears on the latest Game of Thrones. It just makes his heart ache more, that he chose to remove himself from these small, wonderful little moments in your life, and for what? 

He keeps staring at your number, his thumb hovering above the screen before he chucks the phone to the side, rubbing his eyes as he once again chickens out of contacting you. 

He reaches the breaking point when he starts reading back through old texts from around the time when you two first started dating. 

“I know we just said bye five minutes ago but I just wanted to say how happy I am that I met you. And you are definitely cuter than I am. That is all! Night, Buck.” And now the same blushing smile emoji that had him grinning from ear to ear makes his heart twinge.

“What the fuck did you do, Barnes?” he asks himself, letting the phone drop to his forehead with a dull thunk. 

He knows he wants—needs—you back, but he doesn’t know where to even begin. 

He sighs, grimacing as he rolls himself out of bed and trudges out toward the living room. There’s only one thing to do.

Bucky can already hear Sam’s voice emanating down the hall as he approaches:

“You call THAT avant garde?! That silhouette is as bland as toast. TOAST, Nina!”

Bucky sits himself down in the ottoman in the corner, careful not to walk in front of Sam — he thought he’d never hear the end of it when he accidentally blocked the screen during the last Grey’s Anatomy season finale.

“Project Runway again?” he asks, shaking his head.

“Hey, don’t you be getting all judgey now.” Sam smirks at Bucky, taking in his disheveled state. “You need to be jotting down notes, Kurt Cobain, wearing the same grungey-ass flannel three days in a row.”

Bucky shrugs.

“Not like I have anyone to impress.”

“You had someone to impress, but remember, you broke up with her, you cowardly fucking jackass.”

Bucky clenches his teeth as his scathing tone rattles in his head. He tries his best to ignore it and sound nonchalant as he swallows his pride to do something that normally sets his skin on edge: reach out to another person.

“Anyways, you busy?”

“Nah, I’ve had enough disappointment for today.” Sam grabs the remote, shutting off the screen and shifting to look at Bucky. “What’s up?”

Bucky exhales deeply, and he can practically feel the apprehension settling on his face, his habitual reluctance to open up kicking in.

“Um …” 

He bites the corner of his lip, trying to think over his words when his gut just wants him to yell, “I FUCKED UP please tell me how to get Y/N back.”

He’s spared having to, though, as Sam cuts through the silence:

“You want to get back together with Y/N, don’t you?”

Bucky stares at him.

“Is my misery that obvious?”

“Painfully.”

Despite his deadpan tone, the corner of Sam’s mouth twitches, and the two find themselves chuckling together. While he’ll never admit it to him, this is why Bucky views him as his best friend, why he trusts him -- he always knows how to make him laugh when he needs it. He knows Sam has his back.

Bucky shakes his head, running a hand through his hair.

“So, what do I do?”

“Before I can try to answer that, you need to tell me why you broke up with her in the first place.”

Thought I’d burn the seams if they frayed

Thought I’d prove the point that I made

“I thought if I ended things, I’d be able to stop caring and feeling so vulnerable, I guess. That it’d be better for her, because she deserved better anyways, and maybe it’d be better for me … I don’t think I really believed that, deep down, but … I was scared. Scared of getting hurt, not being enough.” 

Bucky pauses and sighs, staring at the ground as he wrings his hands, running his flesh thumb back and forth over the smooth metal.

His voice is quiet, apprehensive.

“I was scared of how I felt about her.” 

Bucky glances up after a few moments of silence and is met with Sam looking at him more seriously than he can ever remember.

“Do you love her?”

Normally Bucky would flinch at such a direct question, but now, finally facing the consequences of keeping himself so guarded, he hesitates only for a fraction of a second before he nods, and it feels like a weight has left his chest in acknowledging how he feels.

He loves you. And he doesn’t have to run from that.

Sam nods back in response, running his hand along the dark stubble on his face as he begins in earnest.

“Look … you have a lot of regret in your life, right? I know it’s over things you didn’t choose, but now, you can choose. So what’s your choice gonna be? The way I see it, A) You can keep doing what you’re doing and let fear run you into the ground, or, B) you can tell that fear to go to hell, reach out to Y/N, buy her the nicest apology flowers you can, and tell her everything you just told me.”

“And if she tells me to go to hell?”

Sam sighs.

“I mean, she’s probably going to be pretty pissed at you —and rightfully so— but,” he pauses, his tone lightening, “God knows why, she seemed to really be into you. And nobody gets over a breakup that fast unless the relationship was already dead for awhile. You guys looked like you were solid until -”

“I blew everything to pieces, yeah.” 

Bucky sits quietly for a few seconds, pausing to sit and feel the knowing. The alignment in both his heart and mind, what he wants moving forward.

“I think choice B is the clear winner, here.” 

Sam waves his fist back and forth.

“Ding ding ding!”

Bucky nods.

“Thank you,” he murmurs, his voice earnest as his eyes lock on Sam’s.

Sam’s returning smile is full of encouragement.

“Hey man, I got you. And I know this ain’t easy for you, opening up about stuff. Just know there’s always a seat at the VA group just waiting for your supersoldier ass to sit down, if you ever want to talk more.” 

 “Nah I’m-” Bucky physically stops himself from finishing his default “nah, I’m good for now, but thanks” response, because if he’s realized anything throughout this entire ordeal, it’s that he is most definitely not “good,” or at least not doing as good as he’d like to be.

“Yeah, ok, I’ll do it.”

“For real?”

Bucky exhales deeply, his sadness hanging on every syllable.

“With all this … I don’t know, maybe I wouldn’t have acted the way I did with Y/N if I had started dealing with this sooner, getting more okay with talking and being honest with people,” he muses. “Like you said, if I really do want a normal life, I kinda need to find a better way to handle what’s going on in here,” he taps his temple and then his chest, “than just shutting people out.”

Incredulity is all over Sam’s face, coupled that something Bucky could swear looks like a glimmer of pride. 

“Wow, yeah, that’s great, that’s the kind of perspective that’ll help you move forward.” He grins. “You sure you’re feeling ok? This isn’t some fever-induced thing, right?” 

Bucky flips him off while Sam chuckles.

“Hilarious.”

“You know I’m playin.’” Sam nods vigorously. “Seriously, it’ll be good for you. Anyways, though, back to choice B.”

Bucky feels the rise and fall of his chest pick up in nervous anticipation, but he slides the phone out from the pocket of his jeans anyways, thumbs tapping away on its surface. 

“Hey. Can we meet up?” 

Before he can second guess himself, he hits send, promptly hurling the phone onto the opposite corner of the couch where Sam is perched.

“Watch it!”

“You tell me what she says back. I don’t wanna see it first.”

However long you’re gone, I will wait, I will wait.

And then an agonizing, crawling two hours pass, with Bucky finding himself unable to focus on the National Geographic moon landing documentary that would normally absorb him entirely, his eyes constantly straying from the screen to the phone sitting silently in the corner. You never took this long to answer a text when you were dating, so he knows you’re ignoring him.

“Maybe she blocked you and didn’t even see it.”

He’s just about to ask Sam for the phone back to message you on Instagram, past the point of caring how desperate he looks because it’s the truth, when it pings.

Sam snaps out from his half-napping state at the sound, stretching across the couch and grabbing the phone. He pulls a face and Bucky’s heart sinks -- Sam might as well have said “yikes” out loud.

“What’d she say?”

Sam looks at him with the tiniest bit of pity, tossing the phone back.

“Why.”

“Why? That’s it?” Bucky looks down at the screen in disbelief, and there it is, the one-word response.

“Yup.”

Bucky buries his head in the throw pillow closest to him, muffling his yell. 

“What do I even say to that?! She’s pissed off, and I don’t wanna do this over text.”

“You don’t have to do it all over text, but you gotta give her something. The last thing you said to her was that you wanted to break up, and now you want to see her. I’m guessing she doesn’t want to assume you want to get back together, but if you do, she wants you to know she’s still upset.” Sam shrugs. “You messed up, now you gotta work for it.”

Bucky takes the pillow off his face, grimacing.

“Goddammit.”

He takes a minute to craft his reply, staring down at the screen.

“Because you were right about everything. I never should have ended us, I’m an idiot and miss you like hell. I just want to talk.” He hits send and turns the phone over, heart thumping inside his chest.

Ten minutes pass before you answer:

“I’ll be home until 7, I have plans after.”

Bucky’s stomach drops as his brain conjures images of you dressed up but not for him, for some other guy, his metal hand clenching involuntarily.

“You don’t know that you don’t know that, c’mon. It’s only been six days.”

He replies immediately:

“Can I come see you at 5?”

“Ok.”

Even with the realization that it’s already 4:10 and he’s gonna have to haul ass to Adams Morgan while still finding the time to get you the nicest flowers he can, Bucky already feels lighter with hope. You agreed to see him. You’re giving him at least a fraction of a chance to put things back together. 

He flies up off the couch and takes off down the hall.

“I’m meeting her at her place at 5!”

Sam calls out to his retreating back, and Bucky allows himself a small smile.

“Hey, go get her. But you go shower first!”

[msbeccieboo]

Arrow 7x20 Brain Dump

I liked this week’s offering!! We got our little ninja Roy back!! Like last week, however, it felt out of place in the season, where was this goodness when we were still mucking about with the Dragon nonsense mid-season?? For me it was lacking in Oliver, and sorely missing Olicity scenes, given our finite time 😭, but was still a good episode overall! I liked how the team transpired to be working as a true unit, for once (only after some persuading from Oliver)! In fact, it was so hard to break up the episode this week, as it was such a team-focused story.

Episode Summary

We had some serious Agatha Christie vibes going on, the story told in a classic whodunnit style. The bulk of the plot was told through flashback *cue sepia* and was interspersed with Dinah interrogating the team one by one in real time.  The fact that the officer was killed using lead piping also tickled me a lot 😂.

The show opens with Dinah and Sergeant Bingsley arriving at a crime scene with the bodies of 2 subway guards. It then cuts to them questioning the first of ‘the suspects’, who turns out to be none other than…Oliver Queen!  Dun dun duuuuunn!!! Oliver denies killing the officers, saying that Team Arrow actually stopped a terrorist attack by Emiko and the Ninth Circle. After questioning Oliver, we realise that besides Team Arrow, there was also someone else there at the scene…ROY HARPER!!!

By flashback, we realise that the team discovered that the Ninth Circle intended on using the bioweapon we saw last week to ‘destroy the city’ or something like that (I can’t say I was 100% on the ball with the backstory this week guys 😂😂). In order to deal with this threat, they call in our favourite parkouring ninja street fighter ROY!!!!!

Source: arsenalroy

Continued below the cut

Dinah and Bingsley (ugh, I hate him) interview all of the team, including Roy, during the course of the episode as we see the story unfold. It appears as if Dinah had no involvement in the operation and is looking to put one of the team away for the murders, but in a somewhat predictable ‘twist’, it is revealed that she was there as the Black Canary for the whole thing, and so is still a suspect herself!

Source: lucyyh 💗

Back in the sepia times, we see the team, including Felicity and now also Dinah, move in to stop the threat, eventually all separating off, as we hear the guards’ defensive shots, and see all of them reacting in turn (I really liked this part…so dramatic!). We then see my sweet baby Roy, battering the guards with the lead piping in a violent rage. Oliver manages to drag him away, horrified and covered in blood, but it is too late, the guards are dead, and everyone looks to Oliver to decide what to do next.

Back at the lair, Oliver realises that Roy has pit-rage, asking him “how did you die” (that murdered me😭). Nyssa had administered the lotus elixir to cure him, but they think his previous exposure to Mirakuru somehow stopped the rage from killing him, but let the rage remain to an extent. This somewhat explained why he doesn’t go into a coma whilst marooned on Lian Yu for 20 years, with noone to kill. Oliver tells Roy, and the others, that Roy is part of the Team and they will cover for him, and thus all the interrogations etc. are explained.

At the end of the Episode, Oliver finally confronts Emiko at the Ninth Circle’s base. Emiko drops the figurative and literal bombshell on Oliver that she knowingly sent Robert off to his death, then proceeds to blow up the building they are in, leaving Oliver trapped under cement blocks and rebar ALL THE REBAR!!  THE TOMMY FEELS GUYS I CAN’T EVEN 😭😭😭

Source: olicitygifs

To be continued 😱😱😱…. 

Olicity

What even is an Olicity? We got next to nothing this week, no glorious episode 20 sexy times, no conversation, no Olicity-only scenes, no kiss, no hug😡. We got a couple of cute touchy moments but that was it. Bitter, you ask? Fuck yes, I am! Hopefully we can make up for this with some hurt/comfort next week, but anyway, let’s look at some pretty!

Source: lucyyh 💗

Source: feilcityqueen

Felicity

Felicity Megan Smoak was a dream in this episode. Start to finish. Fabulous! Would I have liked to have seen more of her? Hell to the yes, she was for sure underused in this episode, but what we did get was perfection!!! Her adorable reunion with Roy, barging past Oliver to attack hug him 😂😂

Source: feilcityqueen

Her whole babble about her emotions was hilarious; “Nerves of Steel. You know me. I’m cool.” How no one else guessed she’s pregnant I will never know, but Roy did kinda raise his eyebrows, so my head canon says he guessed, until they tell me otherwise!

Source: felicitysmoakgifs

Felicity dragging Dinah during her own interrogation was beautiful! From her pointed nonchalance at the entire situation, all whilst eating a sandwich and asking for cake (god I love her so much), to her constant corrections, to “Oh, you mean when Diaz kidnapped Roy to try to turn him against Oliver? You might have forgotten about that since you weren’t exactly on speaking terms with Oliver and I at the time” YAAAASSSS burn herrrrr!!!!!

Source: seeing-red-arrow

I loved that we saw her in the field again, side-by-side with her original and new team mates. I’m so pleased that even though we didn’t get a heap of Felicity, they really used her as much as the style of the episode permitted.

Bonus one-liners:

“That’s a no on the evil sister redeeming herself then”

“Roy is incredible at parkour” 

😂😂😂

Oliver

We really needed more Oliver in this episode. The storyline should be ramping up and focusing in on Oliver (and the core characters) at this point in the season, and Oliver was in the episode for no more than anyone else, really.

Source: olicitygifs

His highlights for me, beyond a doubt, were his interactions with Roy. I missed this relationship so much!! In many ways, Roy was Oliver (and Felicity’s) first child. He brought Roy into this life, he helped to guide him, to nurture his existing abilities and passed on skills that he had learned. He saved Roy from himself and The Glades, and in return Roy saved Oliver right back, giving him back a part of his humanity that Oliver had long thought lost back in the dark days of seasons 1 and 2, and literally saving him from a life sentence in S3. These men became family not through Thea, but through their bond within Team Arrow.

Oliver didn’t hesitate for a second to declare “we have to protect him”, when they found Roy killing the guards. He knew right away about the pit, defending him against Rene and Dinah when they didn’t want to cover for him at first (shocker), telling them they didn’t understand what he’d been through, that “Roy is and always will be as much a part of this team as the rest of us” and reiterating that “if someone on this team goes down, this entire team goes down.” When he speaks to Roy about what happened, Roy doesn’t initially want to ask for Oliver’s help, but Oliver simply tells him “you never have to ask me, ever”. Ugh I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!!!!

Source: smoakmonster

Something also finally seemed to click for Oliver this week, that he could not help Emiko, that she needs taking into custody. I loved his words to Rene “at a certain point, people need to take responsibility for their actions”, YES MY LOVE!!! I can’t wait to see how he reacts to Emiko next week and in the finale, now that he realises how far gone she is, and that she effectively set him on this path 12 years ago, killing their father, and sentencing Oliver to his time on the island etc.

Source: olivergifs

Dig

Dig was criminally underused in this episode. He had barely any interactions with Roy, despite their history, his interrogation was super brief, and we barely saw him in the field. DO BETTER WRITERS! We’re running out of OTA time!!

Source: feilcityqueen

Roy

ARSENAL IS BACK BITCHES!!! I love Roy Harper. Always have, always will. Sooo glad to see him in the current timeline! He looked so happy to be back with his family too! I’m glad that they explained Thea’s absence (they called for Roy specifically) and talked about how she was doing. Oliver was honest with Roy straight-up about Emiko, and explained how he didn’t want to tell Thea about her until she was caught, as he didn’t want to hurt her by Robert’s actions again, especially now she’s free of her life in Star City.

I love, and actually screamed when Felicity acknowledged Roy’s parkour! They specifically used his bouncy-bouncy ninja skills to break into the vault. However, I will still never get enough of Roy’s unnecessary parkour haha, and we got to see a little of that during his fights, and it still made me smile!!

Roy’s reaction to his pit-rage was heart-breaking. This was worse than when he found out about killing the police officer on Mirakuru. I can see these killings (and I’m hoping maybe even Emiko, also) being what sends him to self-exile on Lian Yu, where we found him 20 years later in the flash forwards.

Dinah/Rene/Emiko (a.k.a. the annoyances)

Dinah remains fucking annoying! Even turning out to be in on the act in the end, it was so easy to buy into her trying to send down anyone and everyone on the team for this crime because she is just generally a shitty disloyal person!

Likewise with Rene. It was easy as the viewer to believe that he had ratted out Oliver again, because he’s done it before, and I have no doubt he would do it again. Neither he nor Dinah wanted to help Roy at first. That they needed reminding by Oliver about how protecting one of the team protects all of them, just reiterates how they are not true team players and why most of the fandom still doesn’t class them as real members of Team Arrow.

Regarding Emiko and Rene…Rene basically just stalked Emiko for half the season, they are not ‘close’, ugh, stop! Emiko gets bonus points for shooting Rene when he confronts her! I actually didn’t mind how they used Emiko this week, she appeared only when necessary, and moved the story on. I still can’t take her seriously as the big bad of the season, but it is what it is. Emiko will stop at nothing to take down the Queens (which at this point is quite frankly just stupid), and her latest dastardly deed is to bury Oliver under a building (from behind a protective wall, because she knows that’s the only way she would escape Oliver) to ‘kill him’ and then to destroy his reputation on the outside by outing the video footage of him covering up for Roy.

With no flash forwards this week, I just can’t help think of all the extra time we had, and that extra time was spent on Dinah and Rene *violently rolls eyes*, when we could have had more OTA & Roy (my favourite combination)! Anyway, next week looks awesome!!

Thank you, thank you, thank you to the gif-makers! I love you more than Roy loves excessive back flips 😉

💗💗💗

[scaredofrobots]

Twenty Four Days Of Christmas

Happy One Month Until Christmas Eve! Here is more Christmas universe garbage for @petalstofish  . Heading into theatre tech hell soon so posting while I’m less cray cray. Thanks to Squid Squad for betaing and being my cheerleaders. Love yall! on FFN

For normal people, the acceptable time to decorate for Christmas is December 1st. The inhabitants of 7C were anything but normal, thank you very much. In fact, for the other residents of in the Magnolia Crescent building, Christmas cheer had been creeping into their lives since November 1st when the inhabitants of 7C  had drug two Christmas trees up three flights of stairs and decorated their entire hallway with lights and tinsel.

They’d been skeptical when the group of young people moved in and even more suspicious when it was three young men with one lovely redheaded girl moving into the three bedroom apartment, but the elderly neighbors were happily surprised with how little noise came from the flat.

This was only the case because Lily Evans was the “motherfucking shit,” as Sirius would say, at charms. So 7C (which housed the four former Gryffindors) was sound-proof which is why the other  residents of Magnolia Crescent never heard anything.

And why they didn’t hear the shenanigans going on on December 1. James Potter had taken it upon himself to turn the extra bedroom into a “Happy 24 Days Until Christmas” winter wonderland. He was in the off season for Puddlemere United and had a lot of time on his hands and he was using his pent up energy for good.

His girlfriend of four years, Lily Evans, was working late, so he wanted to surprise her with the first night of JAMES POTTER’S TWENTY FIVE DAY CHRISTMAS COUNTDOWN. It was their first Christmas living in the same flat and James had BIG PLANS.

Sirius, however, was skeptical. “You’re up to something else,” he remarked, as James added more tinsel to the mantle.  Rolling his eyes, James responded, “No, I’m not. I’m simply excited for our first Christmas together in the flat.”

Sirius narrowed his eyes, “Fine, don’t tell me, but when whatever this plan is totally fucks up - don’t come crawling to me for help.”

Whatever James’ response was going to be was interrupted by the sound of the front door opening. As she entered the flat Lily announced, “I hope you two are alright with curry - it’s been a shit day and I plan on sticking a straw into that bottle of gin.”

Scrambling to finish tinseling the mantle, James called, “Curry is fine! Come in here and you might feel like drinking the gin from the glass instead!”

Lily set down the take out bags in the kitchen and entered the spare room.

“HAPPY 25 DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS LIL,” James exclaimed as she entered the winter wonderland.

He waited anxiously for her response. Lily stood stock still as she took in the decorations. There were paper snowflakes hung from the ceiling, glittery objects everywhere and a countdown banner that was counting down the hours and minutes until Christmas Day.

“Holy shit,” Lily exploded, “Did I finally infect you with the Christmas spirit? THIS IS BEAUTIFUL!!!”

James laughed delightedly as Lily rushed about the room examining every decoration and looking as excited as she did on actual Christmas morning. When she finally reached James she threw her arms around him and kissed him deeply. Sirius took this as his cue to exit and made himself useful by heading to the kitchen to make gin and tonics.

When they pulled away Lily said, “Thank you. It’s beautiful.” James smiled and shrugged, “I know this case has been tough on you. So, I figured I could up the festive this year. You deserve it.”

Lily only smiled and kissed him again. It was true. The law firm Lily had started working for after graduation had picked up the Riddle Case.  Tom Riddle, or Voldemort as his followers called him, had been running an underground blood supremacy group called The Death Eaters. The Levins Law Group was handling the prosecution, and Lily had been working as a paralegal since graduation. The case was complicated and the lawyers and membership of the organization, seemed to change daily. Every time someone was arrested, they would turn in three others for a plea deal. In fact, seven months prior, their very own Peter Pettigrew had been named as a member by Severus Snape.

It had been hardest on James- that someone he would lay his life down for could be taken in by such a terrible organization. When Peter had first been named as a member James was in firm denial. He planned to pay for Peter’s legal fees and bail until the arraignment. When the evidence again to pile up against Peter. James’ heart broke. They’d always joked that “Peter brings a lot to the group dynamic” but Peter was creative and intelligent. Somehow, this creativity had been harnessed into hate. When the original copy  Mudblood Manifesto had been revealed to be written in Peter’s handwriting James knew he could never forgive him. When the photo of Peter smiling next to a tortured muggle child James felt some crimes might be worth the dementor’s kiss.  The spare room they were standing in used to be Peter’s, and James was trying his hardest to heed Lily’s advice and make new happy memories in a place that had made him feel so bitter and angry as they packed up all their former mate’s things.

When they separated, Lily pulled away and pressed her nose against his and whispered, “I love you.”  James started, “Lily, I-”

As was his custom, Sirius Black interrupted this perfect moment with a, “OI! Knock it off you two. Remus isn’t back for another two weeks, and I can’t have you two trying to out-cute us when I can’t even compete”

Remus was in his second year teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts and lived on campus  during the term sessions.

“I still can’t believe Remus is a fucking teacher,” Lily said, before she took a gin and tonic from Sirius.

“I know? I mean bloke can’t even fold his socks right, it is a nightmare.” Sirius shrugged.

“I still can’t believe he made a kid cry,”  James stated as he sat down on a mound of fake snow.

“I can. Those bloody first years are needy. And you know how sarcastic Remus gets when he doesn’t have enough chocolate,” Sirius said fondly.

“Remus’ sarcasm could make even Minnie cry,” Lily confirmed as she plopped down next to James.

The rest of the evening passed by in a blur of drinking, laughing and fake snowball fights. It was the happiest James had seen Lily in months, and he was relieved to know that Christmas still held some magic. Later, when she was snuggled up against him in bed, she told him, “You know this is going to be tradition now right? A winter wonderland on Dec 1?”

James laughed before he kissed her and replied, “As you wish.”

Two weeks of JAMES POTTER’S TWENTY FIVE DAY CHRISTMAS COUNTDOWN passed by almost completely without incident. James had recreated some of Lily’s favorite events from her famous 84 day failed advent calendar, and she was more excited for Christmas than she had been in her entire life.

Every evening when she would return home from work, she would rush in and demand to know what the “Christmas Countdown Activity” was.

Sirius, however, found the whole ordeal suspicious. James had always tolerated Lily’s Christmas Obsession at best, but now it seemed almost like he was trying to out-Christmas Lily Evans.

He confronted James about it when they were traveling to pick Remus up from Kings Cross on December 18. As they stood on the platform with their “Professor Remus Lupin” sign wearing their chauffeur uniforms, which had started as a joke but had quickly become tradition, Sirius broached the subject. “SO what are you up to with the Christmas Countdown, mate? You’re suspiciously festive- and I know a Potter scheme when I see it.”

James dropped the sign. Picking it up, he responded (in a slightly higher tone than normal), “I’m not up to anything! Just want to make our first Christmas in the flat special. Does Lily think I’m up to something?”

Sirius stared at him for a long moment. “No. Lily hasn’t mentioned anything to me. But as I said, you seem suspiciously festive and I get the distinct feeling you are up to something.”

His composure regained, James reiterated “I just want to make our first Christmas in the flat special. To show Lily how I am excited about her favorite holiday.”

As they stood there waiting, Sirius tried to piece together the clues.This year, James had gone absolutely bonkers over Christmas. He hadn’t complained once in November when they were putting up the Christmas decorations, whereas last year he refused to even look at Lily’s tree until December. He had even taken to wearing a different Christmas jumper every day just to make Lily smile, and he had a list of events for every day. It was like he was Lily Evans on a Christmas overdose. Which only meant one thing.

“So you’re trying to out Christmas her then? That is it? You’re in the off-season so your competitiveness is showing itself in some mad Christmas spirit contest that she doesn’t even know she is a part of?” Sirius exclaimed.

Laughing James said, “Alright alright- you figured out my big secret. Just don’t tell Lily”

They were interrupted by the arrival of Remus. “I really wish you two would stop with the damn sign and the damn uniforms. I’m not your child.”

“But Remus,” Sirius gasped holding a hand to his chest, “How else are we going to practice the multitude of ways we are going to embarrass our children when they go to Hogwarts.”

Remus simply grumbled, handed Sirius his suitcase, and said, “Lead the way then, oh brave chauffeurs.”

On the drive home, Remus updated them on the goings on at Hogwarts. As he was telling them the dramatic details of the most recent break up of a couple of sixth year Ravenclaws, Sirius exclaimed, “I always knew the professors were bloody gossips.”

“It’s free entertainment, mate. We aren’t paid enough, and most of the time I want to hit my head against the wall, so their dramatic lives are something to look forward to. And don’t act like you don’t live for the updates,” Remus countered.

They arrived at 7C Magnolia Crescent and were greeted with a very festively dressed Lily Evans who had spent her day off making a “WELCOME HOME REMUS” feast, which was strangely close to what a Christmas dinner would be like.

The next three days were full of “Mandatory Festive Fun, Remus you big stick in the mud,” James- not Lily- would say every morning. James had planned an obnoxious amount of Christmas activities and since Lily was off work and Remus was back, each day was packed with festive activities.

On the 19th, Remus’ first day home. James naturally had arranged for them to relive The Polar Express by riding a train to Hogwarts where he had somehow convinced Dumbledore to play the role of Santa and to give each one of them sleighbells. They took the Knight Bus home and enjoyed the hot chocolate except for Remus who was unamused by having to make the long train ride two days in a row.

The next day, they all went ice skating. This was when Remus finally perked up because James and Sirius were terrible.  Lily and Remus spent hours trying to get James and Sirius to make at least one loop around the ice but both of them would fall in a tangle of legs and arms every time. The four of them hadn’t laughed that hard since before Peter’s trial and the joy was welcome.

That evening was spent threading popcorn onto string, drinking copious amounts of wine and trying to get their television to work despite the magical interference.  When that failed, James and Lily watched as Remus and Sirius played Wizard’s Chess. When Lily fell asleep against James on the couch Sirius looked to James and told him, “I don’t think you’ll be able to top the past two days mate. And you’ve got 4 days of your countdown left.”

James smiled and told him, “Never doubt me, Sirius. I’m a man on a mission”

Sirius’ response was interrupted by his bishop being destroyed.

The next day was for baking and donating. The four of them spent hours baking, frosting and delivering cookies. Sirius only got in trouble for trying to eat the icing twice while Remus received a lifetime ban for sneaking all of the chocolate chips.

As Sirius watched James and Lily deliver the final cookies he swore he saw the Marauder twinkle in James’ eyes. He had to figure out what James was up too.

On December 22, Sirius had had finally had enough. He knew there was one person who could help him figure it out. Lily Evans (assisted by a chat and some Firewhiskey). James was off for some Puddlemere publicity shoot for the upcoming season, and had left Sirius in charge of the Countdown Activities for the day. Sirius, however saw this as the perfect opportunity to have a Chat With Evans about James’ recently developed Christmas cheer.

Remus had taken his grading to a nearby coffee shop- “I need some fucking quiet Sirius - you’re always so loud. Even your silence is distracting” -he had ranted as he left the flat. So Sirius and Lily were alone for the better part of the afternoon, and Sirius planned to find out if Lily knew what James was planning, or, at the very least, if she found the behavior odd.

He didn’t have to wait long. Halfway into their second bottle of Firewhiskey,  Lily looked at Sirius with a stern expression and asked, “Do you know why James is so suspiciously festive? Is he trying to out-Christmas me? Because I get the distinct feeling James is up to something. I’ve enjoyed every minute, but he is relentless! And he keeps telling me over and over again not to make plans for Christmas Eve, because he has a new tradition planned to end all traditions, and I’m trying to be appreciative but my competitive side is SCREAMING AT ME that is he trying to outdo me. And the whole…”

Lily continued her speculations, and Sirius was filled with relief that Lily, too, found the festive behavior suspicious. As she continued to rant, however- SIrius realized that James wasn’t trying to outdo Lily at all. Suddenly all the behavior he thought was suspicious started to make sense. He thought about the differences between James’ general mischief scheming and his make Lily swoon scheming. And suddenly what James had been scheming hit Sirius like a bolt of lightning. He also realized he hadn’t been listening to a word Lily was saying for at least two minutes. He tuned back in to hear her wondering, “I mean, what could he possibly have planned on Christmas Eve that is so great? I have half a mind to plan an alternative event and botch his plan.”

Panicking because he knew how horribly this all could go Sirius yelled, “NO!”

When Lily looked affronted and asked, “And why the FUCK not?”

“I mean, sure you need to take back your title. Or whatever. But not on Christmas Eve. James has always loved Christmas Eve the most. So just wait until Christmas Day for whatever idea you’re planning,” Sirius explained, rather lamely.

Lily huffed but exhaled “I suppose you’re right. It is Christmas after all. You have to help me though.”

Sirius draped an arm around her shoulders and said, “Of course, Evans, couldn’t leave my prank partner alone in her mischief.”

Lily snuggled closer to him and wrapped her arms around him, “You know I love you Sirius. You’re like the brother I never knew I wanted.”

Sirius kissed the crown of Lily’s head, “I know Evans. But it is far too early in our chat to be getting so weepy.”

Lily sat up on her knees and looked Sirius in the eye, “It isn’t too early in the evening. After Petunia, and Peter and this case- I just want you to know that I love you- you’re my family and I am not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me for forever.”

Sirius smiled and reached for her hand, “Evans, I knew I was stuck with you forever when you wrote a Christmas song about Hippogriffs. Now stop this sappy nonsense. Let’s go spread the Christmas cheer into your bedroom. See how James likes it.”

The rest of the their time was spent singing their old favorite:

God rest ye merry hippogriffs, Let nothing you dismay, For Lily and Sirius Will feed you Christmas Day, And save you all from Slytherins Who all are dirty gits O tidings of comfort and joy, Comfort and joy, Oh tidings of comfort and joy.

And James and Lily’s bedroom was transformed into a Winter Wonderland.

When Remus arrived at 6pm he found them skipping around the spare bedroom throwing fake snowballs.

“OI!” Remus interrupted, “Are you two quite finished? We’re supposed to meet James to go see the Nutcracker in 30 minutes.”

Miraculously, they made it to the theatre with time to spare. Remus and Sirius always forgot that drunk Lily was quick and nimble and, apparently, very very VERY excited to see the Nutcracker.

When they reached James outside the theatre, Lily’s momentum nearly knocked him to the ground when she hugged him.

“I’m on to you, James Potter,” she told him seriously. James immediately paled and looked to Sirius for explanation.

“Yes James, I was telling Lily all about how you’re trying to out Christmas her,” Sirius explained in his lawyer voice and tugged on his left ear which meant that he and James would be having a chat of their own.

Lily giggled and explained “But I am the queen of Christmas cheer and you will never take my crown. Just be prepared.”

Lily started to walk towards the entrance of the theatre and missed the glances exchanged between Sirius and James.

The ballet was wonderful. Sirius thoroughly enjoyed Act One. What he enjoyed even more was how watching how nervous James was acting. James was a bundle of nerves. He seemed like a man on death row.

At intermission, James seemed to have had enough. He told Lily, “Lil, Sirius and I will grab some wines. You and Remus should check out the Christmas Trees of the World display on the second floor lobby.”

Lily, still slightly buzzed, cooed and dragged Remus off.

Sirius crossed his arms and said “When?”

James, startled at his abruptness, answered, “Christmas Eve”

Raising his eyebrow, Sirius asked again, “Where?”

James stuttered, “The- the cottage”

Sirius bit back a smile, “Have you got the-“ as he gestured vaguely.

“What? Oh the- yeah, mum sent it to me ages ago,” James said blushing slightly.

“How?” Sirius interrogated further

“How? Oh well Remus-“ James tried

“REMUS KNOWS?!?!” Sirius erupted, and several patrons stopped to stare. Lowering his voice he continued “You told Remus, but not me- your best mate- your pal- your-“

“Stop. Stop,” James demanded, “I’m sure you’re about to go into a lovely and dramatic rant about how I have betrayed you. But for once in your life just listen.”

Offended, but resolved to be silent, Sirius nodded.

“Look- you know how Lily is. She says she loves surprises, but then she just has to know. She unwraps and rewraps all her presents and thinks none of us knows. She will smell something suspicious and have to know what it is. But this. THIS is the one thing I want to actually surprise her. And if you knew- you’d have one of your chats- which, by the way I know is just the two of you getting smashed and solving problems.”

Sirius interjected, “That is not what our chats are”

“Yes it is, Sirius. And I know all about the Longbottoms wedding, too. John Dawlish was assigned as my auror during Peter’s trial and was very confused when I mentioned I lived with you and Lily,” James smirked.

Sirius shrugged.

Continuing, James breathed out a sigh, “So I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you or Lily to ruin this for her. I want it to be perfect. She deserves it. She deserves it all.”

Sirius studied him, “You’ll take care of her?”

James crossed his heart, “I solemnly swear.”

Sirius held out his hand and James shook it. Feeling that wasn’t enough, the two brothers embraced.

“I’m happy for you mate,” Sirius told him, “I’m right pissed at you, but happy”

James laughed, “Want to help me set up tomorrow?”

“I’d be delighted.” Sirius grinned

They worked their way through the crowd and found Lily and Remus near the Canada tree.

As they approached Remus asked, “No wine?”

Sirius winked and said “They only had white.”

Lily scoffed and said “Uncultured swine,” before looking at the returning boys;, she studied them a moment and remarked, “You two look happy.”

“Ah Evans, three days until Christmas you know. Bloke is bound to be happy,” Sirius chuckled and pulled her into his side.

On the morning of Christmas Eve, Sirius and Lily were eating their breakfast of bacon and toast as they did the daily crossword together. The day before Sirius had finally gotten all the finer details of James’ BIG PLANS and wanted to try and help him make the evening even more perfect.

As they tried to figure out what potion ingredient isn’t used very often and rhymes with jingle, Sirius took a deep breath (said a silent prayer that he wasn’t going to ruin anything) and asked, “So Evans what are you wearing tonight on your super secret festive activity James is dragging you on?”

Lily wrote “D-I-N-G-L-E B-E-R-R-Y” in the offending 13 Across as she answered, “My fucking Christmas Eve Christmas Jumper”

Sirius wrote “D-A-W-N” for 4 Down When are squids most docile?  and responded, “I was thinking we should go to lunch. You could wear your jumper then and dress up tonight?”

Lily looked up at this, “What the fuck are you on about Sirius?”

“I was thinking maybe your green jumper with that black skirt and those boots that drive James mad,” Sirius continues

“Alright, what the fuck Sirius? Fashion advice? What is James planning?” Lily asked

Imagining Lily was McGonagall, Sirius decided to tell a half truth,  “I’m not supposed to tell you- he wants to surprise you- but James is taking you to an old church for their Christmas pageant. It’s in an old village and the people are very old fashioned”

Lily gave a noise that sounded like a squeak and said “Oh, well I do look great in green. And lunch sounds great.”

Lily smiled like an idiot the rest of the day, and Sirius hoped she didn’t figure anything else out.

At 6pm, James and Lily (dressed in the suggested outfit) walked out of the flat and into the cold.

Grinning, James said, “Close your eyes. We’re going to do some apparating”.

Lily did as she was told and held tight to James’ hand.

With a POP they arrived at the small village. James kissed her and then told her, “ok you can open them.”

She opened her eyes and was happy to see the most beautiful village she had ever seen. It looked like every Christmas card she had ever seen and she whispered “Wow”.

“Welcome to Godric’s Hollow, Lily,” James said and kissed her again.

They spent the next half hour walking around and looking at the various shops.

“We’re going to be late,” James exclaimed and started to steer Lily toward the small church near the square.

As they took their seats, he said, “My parents used to bring me here every Christmas. We stopped my seventh year, but I’ve wanted to come back. So I wanted to bring you here to make some new traditions.”

Lily smiled at him and said, “Thank you for bringing me.”

The service began and it was beautiful. Lily was taken back to days when she would attend church with her parents. She remembered the times when she and Petunia were angels in the Pageant, the time Petunia was Mary and Lily was a donkey and most of all how singing “Silent Night” in a candlelit church really but her in the Christmas spirit.

At the gospel reading, they were happy to watch the children of the village perform a Christmas Pageant. Lily fell instantly in love with a set of twin boys who were playing sheep. They went straight up to the baby Jesus and had to be drug from the sanctuary at the end of the pageant.

Later, when the priest was breaking the bread for communion, the twin boys somehow were running down the aisle of the sanctuary and straight to baby Jesus. They remained there for the rest of the service.

As they were leaving,  one of the boys ran up to them and yelled “Happy Christmas!” Lily crouched to his eye level and told him, “Happy Christmas! You were my favorite sheep.”

The little boy grinned and said, “Did you see baby Jesus up there!”

Lily responded, “I did!”

They were interrupted by a very pretty, but tired-looking woman who was saying, “There you are Max! What’ve I told you about running off.”

Max’s mother had the other twin firmly by the hand. “Sorry Mummy,” he murmured and ran over to her.

“Your children are lovely,” Lily stated as she stood up.

The mother smiled and said, “Sometimes. I’m glad we weren’t struck by lightening when they interrupted the Eucharist, but thankfully Father Brown loves children and thinks they should be a part of the service. Are you two new to the village? It’s a great place for young families.”

James smiled and pulled Lily close, “Oh, no, we’re just here for Christmas Eve. My parents used to bring me.”

“Well, I hope to see you two again sometime, but I’ve got to get these little rascals to bed. Happy Christmas,” she said.

“Happy Christmas,” James and Lily chorused.

They left the church, and James requested they go for a stroll. As they relived the most excited points of the Christmas Pageant, James pulled Lily to a stop in front of a small cottage.

“James?” Lily asked and turned to him, “Why are we stopping?”

“Oh, well- another tradition we had when I was younger was that we opened one Christmas gift on Christmas Eve,” James started, “And I wanted to give you this gift here.”

Lily looked at him curiously, “Is there a gift that hasn’t been put under the tree yet?”

“Two actually,” James grinned mischievously.

Lily gasped and said, “You know I hate surprises!”

“I think you’ll like this one.” James grinned and pulled out a narrow rectangle box and handed it to her

Taking great care, Lily unwrapped the box and opened it.

“A key?” she asked “Where to?”

James simply inclined his head to the cottage.

“A house?!?! You’re giving me a house? A house in Godric’s Hollow,” Lily demanded, her voice wavering a little.

James cleared his throat, “Technically, my parents are giving us a house in Godric’s Hollow-let’s go inside, shall we?”

James offered his arm, and Lily took it and muttered, “I cannot believe you.” He chuckled and they walked to the front door. Lily struggled with the key and James told her, “You’ve gotta twist the handle a little- there you go.”

They entered the house and Lily gasped. There were Christmas decorations everywhere. Lights, candles and greenery filled the small entryway.

Eyes twinkling, James said, “Wait until you see the lounge…” He pulled her into the room that was full of four Christmas trees and a roaring fire. Her curious nature getting the better of her, Lily began to walk around the room in wonder. “James- why-” she started, but then stopped short when she saw him.

James Potter was down on one knee in the middle of a cottage in Godric’s Hollow. A cottage his parents had apparently given to him.

She stood staring until James said, “Will you come over here so I can do this properly?”

Lily took the steps towards him and was opening her mouth, but James stopped her. “No, Evans. You are going to let me get all of this out before you say anything or I lose my nerve.”

She nodded and James took this as his cue. Letting out a deep breathe her started, “Lily Evans, I hope you know how much I love you. I love your mad obsession with quidditch, I love how filthy your mouth is, and that you can drink any of us under table.” At this Lily laughed, “You’re so kind, but you don’t take any shit and I love that about you. You make me want to be a better man. You’ve made me a better man. I love every minute I’ve spent with you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to embarrass our kids on the platform when we pick them up from Hogwarts with you and I want to spend every Christmas Eve until I die in this cottage with you. So, Evans, fancy trading in your last name for a new one?”

Raising an eyebrow Lily said, “Sirius gave you the last line then?”

Groaning, James said “Lily-”

“I don’t know- I might have to think about it- speak to my lawyer, Sirius-” she said trying to hide the smile that was threatening to come out.

“Lily…” James whined.

Laughing, she grabbed both James’ hands and pulled him to his feet, “Yes, you great prat. I’ll marry you.”

Their kiss was a mess of laughter and tears. When they pulled away they were both smiling and then James remembered, “Oh the ring!”

He pulled the box from his pocket and opened it quickly, “It’s Goblin made, an old family heirloom- do you like it?” Kissing him again she answered, “I love it- but you could tie a bit of string around my finger and I’d be happy.” James slid the ring onto her finger and kissed her again.

Moments later Sirius and Remus burst out of the kitchen yelling “Congratulations!” holding a bottle of champagne and four glasses.

James and Lily separated and accepted the champagne.

“Alright there, Evans?” Sirius asked her as they embraced.

“Perfect, Sirius. What more could a girl want?”

It was the first Christmas they spent as a family in Godric’s Hollow. But it certainly wasn’t the last.

[redstarbonky]

tfatws ep 2 not-really-live liveblog (SPOILERS AHEAD! SPOILERS HERE! HERE BE SPOILERS!)

and i must reiterate again THERE ARE SPOILERS AFOOT

i can’t believe it’s only been a week! the suez canal fat boat incident has really slowed down the previous few days 🥴 something else different is that this is the first ep i’ve stayed up late to watch! hype hype hype!

anyway AAAAAAAAAAAAA I HOPE THERE’S SOME ZEMO. give me the bruhl. we only have six episodes...

i just appreciate this recap because SAM is in it and BUCKY is in it and TORRES is in it and SARAH is in it and WINTER SOLDIER is in it and oh hello john walker again

zipper shot...zipper shot...zipper shot...

i am open to john walker not being awful, i promise

is this his sister? friend? girlfriend? ok probably girlfriend

“they're gonna love you” ma’am..............have you looked at the fandom lately.............

they're doing the chorus girl thing to this guy! steve hated it too, john...steve hated it too

every time i see steve in the marvel intro i feel a little bit stabbed in the neck 🙃

THE SONG IS EVEN THE SAME. did they get a real band and flag team and dance team to do the performance?

is he not enhanced then? no serum? i find that hard to believe. eh, maybe he's doping

please i’m begging you to stop mentioning tony stark

BUCKY’S FACE...nooooo...literally looks like he's about to cry 😭

sam and torres my beloveds

sam 😭 pls 😭 i’m 😭 so 😭 upset 😭 about 😭 this 😭😭😭 *eternally shrieking*

androids, aliens, and wizards. sam is completely correct, that’s who they fight. they’re not on any of that friendly neighborhood spider-man business

bucky you’re a nerd, aren’t you

man sam haven’t you heard of the thousand yard stare? one of the most obvious PTSD symptoms that exists, observed even before we had PTSD as a diagnosis?? 😭

“no you’re not coming with me” said sam as bucky came with him anyway sdkfjsdjhbg

does torres know...about the...never mind

bucky: “i am juiced on experimental fascist serum, i am 100% sure i can survive this plummet into a forest”

redwing my beloved...

ahaha that little attempted swat :]

yeeeeaaaa white wolf nickname came back. sam’s “bwuh?” response to that made me giggle

sam just being casually cool as usual

SHHH GUYS THEY’RE COMING

[skyrim guard voice] “must’ve been my imagination” they really failed that spot check lol

alright get em lads! obtain hostage! ... that other truck should really be noticing them shouldn’t it

i immediately do not trust this girl but bucky switching off Business Mode to be polite to her is very nice and good

ok are these people ALL juiced on fascist serum? that’s a lot of juice?? WHERE DID THEY GET THE JUICE?? 🧃🧃🧃

NO REDWING!!!! REDWINDFKHNFGJHNFGJSDF AAAAAAAAAAA

redwing better be ok in the next ep.

john’s goofy grin was ok. not as good as steve’s tho. gotta say john has the “i used to play football in high school” look completely down pat. well done

bucky: [cattily hands the shield back]

JEEZ these fellas are made of iron

GO SAM! once again being casually cool

i just heard the shippers scream in delight at their roll in the goldenrods ahaha. honestly? this was probably the first hug bucky has had since steve ditched him. i don’t blame him for lingering a bit

lol do they have to just...traipse back through rural germany...

oh good their uber is here!

stop making fun of his PTSD symptom c’mon

sam is having none of this, clearly...

love how the last straw for bucky was hearing that hoskins has a dorky nickname. you’re one to talk, bucky

so, uh, supersoldiers...how's it hangin.

hmrhmhm if it were me, i would accept the homemade food politely, because if someone troubles themselves to MAKE food for me, i feel it would be rude to refuse, even if it were something i didn’t eat? i could give it to a family member or something instead? idk just seems rude for a guy giving them hospitality. hospitality is a near-universal virtue for a reason!

i feel like this villain group is really vague? i’m also waiting for HYDRA to be behind them all along

how this exchange went in my head bucky: “let’s do a crime...” sam, swatting him with a rolled-up newspaper: “no.”

sam being on the run with steve for two years...what did they actually do? did they hang out a lot? do some painting? fanfiction writers probably filled in that time already but i really wanna know

who is bucky’s mysterious acquaintance?!

sam is good with kids as usual...also that seems like a funny/sad dig at a lot of black heroes in comics having ‘black’ in front of their names. i don’t read a lot of comics but i sincerely hope they’re not still doing that

is this another amending? another name on the list? oh no...

jeez a whole lot happened in that scene :[ and a lot was implied! like, if the government had access to the serum in the 1950s, that creates some terrifying possibilities, especially if they were able to produce a great quantity. i hope isaiah is returned to eventually because his situation looked rough. he seemed pretty afraid of bucky but he stood his ground and didn’t sound afraid at all. his kid/grandkid/great-grandkid (idk he seemed really young) was very protective of him. it’s clear isaiah never told him about his run-in with the winter soldier but...it seems like he wasn’t totally surprised by isaiah’s outburst or super strength...aaa i’m dying to know more. pls marvel, go back and see them sometime

anyway yeah i can totally sympathize with why isaiah doesn’t want at all to tangle with whatever bucky has going on.

GO AWAY, COPS GO AWAY, COPS GO AWAY, COPS GO AWAY, COPS GO AWAY, COPS

[to the tune of “gidget goes to hell”] ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh bucky goes to jail

john what are you doing?? “ya bucky is mine now” no????

we now know the therapist’s name! dr. raynor! finally!

lol this is actually couples’ therapy? the shippers just popped in a shower of confetti hehe (but tbh couples’ therapy techniques work for any pair of people who have to be in close contact a lot, not just romantic couples!)

the way sam grabbed bucky’s chair and bucky’s like “whoa ok~” the number of fanfics arising from that interaction alone will be enormous mother of mercy

i want to hide under my blanket ashfgdfhg my face is pulled back into some horrible rictus grin aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

oh no. OH NO

IM GONNA CRY

the feelings...jsndfkj.....kbnvnnm...

sammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

😭😭😭😭😭😭 *dissolves into sadness forever*

hopefully this’ll be that trope where the two bickering parties say they will finish their current task and then never talk to the other again, but after all they go through, they decide to stick together :V please. my happiness depends on this

GO AWAY COPS oh it’s just john

GO AWAY JOHN I’M NOT SURE HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOU AND I’M VERY EMOTIONALLY WRECKED RIGHT NOW

i cannot help but like battlestar? idk?? he’s cool??? i feel like he and sam and bucky would get along like a house on fire?? if there weren’t all the *makes john walker-shaped gestures*???????? i can’t not think of battlestar galactica though

sam was way nicer about that mess than he needed to be! anyway they’re totally gonna fight aren’t they. maybe in episode 5 or 6. i think sam would win because he can fly. obviously that overrules everything else. like the fact that i still don’t know whether john is JUICED

so uhhh...HYDRA. are they gonna

THEY’RE GONNA GO SEE ZEMO. HE SAID IT. SAM SAID THE THING. SAM SAID THE THING. THIS IS NOT A DRILL

isn't this “lacrimosa”? that feels fitting

aaaaand there’s helmut!!!!! at last!!!!!!!!!! it’s been so long!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and he’s stuck in what appears to be an ultra high security prison

i wonder what creepy/manipulative/douchebag stuff he’ll say! “ah, sam wilson. what is it they call you? the man-bird? and james barnes! what is it they call you? the war criminal?”

just realized i totally glazed over during the flag smasher escape scene i’m sorry guys you’re just really vague. got any pamphlets? literature? any theory i could read? i’m actually too stupid to read theory please don’t send me theory

and now to wait eternally for another week ugh. just drop an entire season so i can binge it!! netflix does this WHY CAN’T YOU

[kbaldwin0609]

'The Bachelorette: The Men Tell All' Recap: Keeping it 100

‘The Bachelorette: The Men Tell All’ (Photo: ABC)

Warning: This recap for the ‘Men Tell All’ episode of The Bachelorette contains spoilers. 

Welcome to the penultimate week of Rachel’s “journey,” rose lovers!

Yep, it’s time to revisit all the “drama” and “controversy” and “heartbreak” from the past 9 weeks — which will be far more tolerable if you play the “take a shot every time some dude you don’t recognize speaks” drinking game. We’re lookin’ at you, pal.

But first, filler!

Did any of us really need to relive those moments featuring Kasey, Kalon, Clint, Chad, some random dudes from Andi’s season, Kaitlyn’s hate tweets — and the highly awkward gender reveal of Ashley and JP’s baby? Of course not. That time would have been better spent grilling Dean about his weird tsunami hairdo.

Still, the crowd LOVES him.

At last, it’s time for the awkward reunions.

Lucas says he still doesn’t understand why Blake was “obsessing” over him in the house, but before Blake can really respond, Adam jumps in with the joke he must have been practicing in front of the mirror for weeks: “There was so much Whaboom, where it should just kind of been like, ‘Whabye.’” Nailed it, bro!

Chris Harrison then turns the conversation to DeMario — who, it should be noted, will only make one very oblique reference to the Bachelor in Paradise s**tshow tonight, because Team Bachelorette is apparently saving that for a separate DeMario-Corinne interview special. Instead, DeMario is here tonight to defend himself against Girlfriendgate.

Sure, says DeMario, I had sexual relations with that woman — but she was nothing more than a “side chick.”

“You can boo me, but I’m keepin’ it real,” DeMario tells the crowd.

Harrison counters that DeMario told him on tape that he and Lexi had dated, but DeMario just continues to deny it, while also dropping some kind of expletive-laded reference to President Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky. Dean, bless his heart, puts an end to the discussion by declaring that while DeMario made “some stupid decisions,” at least he’s not a piece of human garbage like Whaboom or Lee. Solid point, sir. Let’s move on.

Oh God, now it’s Iggy’s turn to defend himself.

We feel you, Josiah.

“Look, I have no problem being opinionated,” says Iggy. “My responsibility at the time was to be honest with this woman that I was really, really attracted to… I would do it again.” I wonder if he would say the same thing about choosing to wear that Mr. T chain to the taping.

If you went to refill your wine glass during Iggy’s brief moment in the spotlight, hustle on back to the couch now, because it’s time for Kenny vs. Lee. Or more accurately, it’s time for the other guys to talk s**t about Lee and his less-than-inclusive attitudes. “Kenny might have been the most well-liked guy in the house, and it’s hard to say the same about Lee,” says Dean, who was apparently nominated by Team Bachelorette to be their Spokesperson Against Racism. “And when you have literally 30 people on your side versus one person, it’s clear who the person in the right is and who is wrong.”

While Adam jumps in to say that Lee’s claim that Kenny tried to pull him out of a van in Hilton Head was simply “not true,” DeMario comes to the tiny white Southerner’s defense: “When all my s**t was going on, Lee reached out to me first,” he says. “The Lee I know was a very genuine guy.” Will agrees, saying that he had a decent relationship with Lee for most of the show, and that he was surprised and “disappointed” to learn about Lee’s racist tweets. Even Kenny notes that his conflict with Lee “didn’t feel like racism… It really just felt like, this dude’s out of his league.”

This goes on and on, with the Kenny asserting that he did his best to take the high road so as not to disgrace himself in the eyes of his daughter, McKenzie, and the guys insisting that they never once witnessed Kenny being “aggressive.” Lee, meanwhile, hasn’t said anything — and when he finally does start talking, it’s clear he’s in Redemption Tour mode. First, Lee admits that Kenny didn’t actually try to pull him out of a van (“Yeah, no s**t,” notes Kenny drily), and then he apologizes for not being a “better friend.”

Okay thanks, Captain Understatement. And then, in an effort to wash away all the bitterness of the Lee-Kenny feud, Harrison surprises Kenny with the news that McKenzie is actually backstage. And you guys, she’s carrying a rose for her Dad.

Dammit, I hate when this stupid show makes me cry! “I’m proud of you,” McKenzie tells her Dad. “You were, like, number eight.” And her little face, when Chris Harrison announces that the show is sending them to Disneyland to celebrate Kenny’s birthday?

My stone-cold heart just can’t handle this much sweetness. Good thing it’s time to talk to Lee.

“I should have been a better friend,” Lee repeats, after noting that sometimes his “facetious” sense of humor does not come across well. Yeah, the guys aren’t buying it. “While the episodes were airing, you did not take to social media once to denounce anything that you were saying or doing,” snaps Dean. “In fact, you were promoting your actions every single time on Instagram… Now that you’re in the hot seat, now that 18 people are calling you on your s**t, this is the moment when you’re saying sorry.” Dean’s got an excellent point, but I almost missed it because I was so busy puzzling over his bizarre hair.

Anyhow, all the guys want Lee to truly apologize — not just for “ruffling feathers” in the house, but also for things like this:

“For me to read that out loud makes me feel unbelievable uncomfortable,” says Harrison. “When you see it now… how do you feel about it?” Oh, you know, Lee feels like he has “a lot to learn” in “that area” (meaning, what, common human decency?) and that his statements were “inconsiderate.” But once again, the Men Tell All’s titular men are not having it. “Everybody’s sorry when they get caught,” says Kenny. Josiah takes it a step further, walking on to the stage and sitting down next to Lee on the couch. If Lee really believes the NAACP is like the KKK — “people who hung my ancestors,” notes Josiah — why did he come on a show with a black Bachelorette?

“I don’t like racism at all,” counters Lee. “And when I woke up and I saw that those [tweets] came out, it hurt me a lot, and I started thinking about how reckless…”

At this point, Lee is shouted down by the other bachelors, who know they didn’t just hear Lee say those racist tweets hurt him. “When you woke up the next day and you realized that you sent those racist-ass tweets, the next day did you go, ‘I, Lee, denounce these tweets’?” asks DeMario. “Or did you wait a year and nine days to be on this stage right now, and now are you saying it?”

Clearly the answers to those questions are “No” and “yes,” but instead Lee mumbles something about not intending “for it to come out the way that it did. It cut it in half when it released it onto Twitter from my Facebook.” Okay, so the message was truncated — so what did Lee intend for it to mean, in its full and glorious context?

Yeah, Lee’s got nothin’ — unless, for some reason, Team Bachelorette edited his answer out. He will say he denounces those tweets, and reiterates that the KKK tweet was only part of his full post on FB. (But what did the rest of that post say? He doesn’t explain, and as far as I can tell his personal profile page is private.) So Anthony tries the direct approach to get Lee to say something — anything — reflective about his past behavior: “Are your actions motivated by racist thoughts that are implicitly embedded in your mentality?”

Short answer: Maybe? “I was lacking, and I did things that were wrong,” says Lee. “I am grateful that I have people in my life now that make me not like I was when I made a racist comment. I completely denounce that, and I denounce that Lee. And… I want to learn.” Lee adds that he’s sorry for being “ignorant in those subjects” — and the guys finally decide to accept his apology.

Okay, great. Let us never speak of this drama again. We have more pressing matters to cover: Like Dean’s heartbreak. (And his camo tux.) ((And his hair.)) I know, I know, I should leave the poor guy alone — especially when he’s talking so thoughtfully about his very emotional hometown visit. “That was the realest, most raw moment that I had throughout the entire experience,” says Dean. “Had I not gone there with Rachel, I don’t think that I ever would have addressed the feelings that I had suppressed for so long.” Harrison doesn’t dwell too long on the catharsis, though, because he wants to make sure everyone knows Dean will be in Paradise with these bozos come August 14:

Hey, look who’s here — the Queen herself!

Rachel’s barely up there a minute though before Dean joins her to learn more about why she sent him packing in Dallas. “I am just still kind of confused about why you told me you were falling in love with me, and then I got the boot, like, four days later.” Of course, as Rachel tries to explain herself, all I could do was study Dean’s entire lewk.

Though Rachel insists she meant it when she said she was falling in love with him too, Dean wonders now if she just said it because she felt bad for him after the disastrous family visit. “I’m sorry that’s how you feel,” she responds. “But if you know me, I never say anything just to say something — at all.”

They hug it out, and Harrison pivots to DeMario. “Who?” asks Rachel jokingly.

Rachel dismisses her former suitor with a shrug. “For me, the dishonesty was like, ‘All right, you gotta go.’” Roger that!

As for The Kenny and Lee Situation, Rachel tells Kenny she was “disappointed” in how he handled it — because he’s clearly the bigger man (literally and figuratively). “Lee was Lee,” she says. “I wish you could have just realized that was background noise.”

As for Lee? Well, sir, don’t come for our Bachelorette (or her men) unless she sends for you. “I’d be more than happy to give you a black history lesson,” says Rachel. “A lesson on women’s rights — you know what I’m saying?”

God willing, this will be the last we hear from this dude.

Harrison wraps things up by letting some of the other guys ask whatever burning questions they have for Rachel — but mostly they all just want to say how great she is and how they understand why she made the choices she did. All of them, that is, except for Fred. He’s pretty annoyed that Rachel didn’t give him a chance. “I thought that because I knew you, that I could bring a level of comfort to you,” he says. “But the reaction that you gave me was one that I least expected.” Still, he’s “so happy” to see her happy, so yay?

Let’s give Kenny the last word.

Damn right. Now, on to the bloopers!

The best of the bloopers involve food: Josiah stuffing his face with oysters and Norwegian hors d’oeuvres, Rachel munching chips while preparing to send Josiah home, and Dean’s disgusting gum storage. (“How is that gross? It’s my ear.” Blech.)

Speaking of gross, Team Bachelorette made sure to zoom in on DeMario just as Harrison faked out the crowd by announcing a “sneak peek of the exciting and already controversial new season of Bachelor in Paradise.”

You can exhale, pal — the promo won’t air until next week.

Welp, rose lovers, we’ve almost made it to the end — and I want to know what you thought about tonight’s Men Tell All. Did Lee redeem himself at all? Should Dean skip Paradise and head right to the Bachelor mansion? And am I paranoid to think that Mike Fleiss is already grooming McKenzie to be the Bachelorette in about 15 years? Post your thoughts now! And stay tuned for Chris Harrison’s behind-the-scenes blog, coming Tuesday. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go watch that Dave Chappelle routine about OJ.

The Bachelorette airs Mondays at 8 p.m. on ABC.

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