#i am on tumblr way too much i shouldn’t know what any of this means

[btspeedfreaxx]

You know you are living in a Dystopian world when the Government starts cracking down on FANFICTION.

Yes, I am Canadian, but as someone who considers themselves to be a Sex positive enthusiast, I’m so beyond Enraged and Disgusted over the “policy’s” that these Corrupt-“Christian” politicians are trying to implement.

teaching, no sorry ENFORCING Abstinence-Education, aka “wait until marriage” DOES NOT WORK, unless you actively believe in that practice!

These @$$hat’s claim they are trying to protect the people- BULLSH!T.🤬

By implementing such a dangerous system, and shaming those who so dare to go against the standard system-

By not teaching these kids consent, or how body parts work, or what you can do to protect yourself from people, both men and woman, who may want to take advantage of you-

You as the “educators” are setting up the stats to SKYROCKET for Young teens to bare the traumatic cross of Early teen pregnancies, Sexual Violence, etc!

And Further more- call me Delusional, but Having access to Porn ,(* Ethically sourced and in doeses that don’t overtake your public life, may I emphasize,) IS ACTUALLY HEALTHY!! Stuff like Smut Fiction allows for young people who may be figuring out their sexualities a SAFE SPACE to explore. It can prove to be a great tool in helping people to create the pathways, boundaries of what they like and what they don’t like.

It’s ESPECIALLY important, because down the road, assuming you don’t practice abstinence, you and your partner are going to have to have a very open and honest conversation about BOUNDARIES when it comes time to taking that next step in the bedroom. Again, if that’s what you choose.

God, I’m sorry…. But I am just SO furious with what’s been unfolding before my eyes, so much for “The land of the free”. 🤬

To all my American friends who are in distress over the recent election. To all my trans Friends, Gay/LGBTQ+ friends, friends of Colour, different race, and of all marginalized communities. I am so f*cking sorry. I cried an endless river when I saw the results of the election… I’m not shocked. Just angered and ashamed. Ashamed at how much hate has overtaken our world. Just because we are all trying to coexist. I don’t think Harris would have been a godsend to America by any means. But she would have been a far better fate then what we who fought so hard to get to where we are now are having to face. This shouldn’t be happening to you guys. And I fear my country may not be too far behind in these deranged ideologies taking over our governments.

But please know you are not alone.🫂🫂 whatever you do, DO NOT GIVE UP. Do not end it here. You are proof that love still exists on this planet. All of standing here, today, for all those who sacrificed our own lives to give us the life they so desperately wanted all of us to have. We are now the resistance. We are the next bearers of that torch. Grieve, process your feelings, reach out to friends and building yourself a support system. Do whatever you need to do in order to survive.

Yesterday. We grieve. Today? We Organize.

We stand our Ground, and make a vow to keep on going. Excruciating times are heading our way. But we’ve faced it before, and this community has come out stronger every single time.

We’ve been here long since before the creation of the Bible- and we will NEVER go away.

We will fight to protect our God-given right to exist here, on earth. Not out of hatred. But out of Spite, and out of LOVE.🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️✨♾️✊🏻 Because love will always win.

🫂🫂🫂 everyone please stay safe out there. I’d like to end this ridiculously long rant by stating that my tumblr page is a Safe space for Woman, For Trans/LGBTQ+ individuals, and for people of all races, colours and minority groups. I love you all.✨

If any one of my posts is to break containment, make it this one.

Before January 2025, download your favorite fics, especially those with smut or queer content.

If Project 2025 goes into effect (which it very likely will now that we have three red branches of government in the US), they may attempt to restrict the use/sharing of media on sites like ao3.

This particularly applies to fics with smut or any type of queer content, because the official Project 2025 document states, "Pornography, manifested today in the omnipresent propagation of transgender ideology and sexualization of children, for instance... has no claim to First Amendment protection... Pornography should be outlawed."

Now, I don't expect ao3 to disappear or go anywhere without a fight, but it's best to be on the safe side these days.

To download your favorite fics:

Go to archiveofourown.org and open the fic you want to download.

At the top right corner, to the right of the 'subscribe' button, is a button that says 'download'. Click it.

A drop-down menu will give you the option to choose the format of your download. Choose your preferred format (.epub and .pdf are my personal favorites -- .epub lets you open a fic in the apple books app and .pdf is compatible with like every device and program out there).

When you click the button for your preferred format, a pop-up window appears confirming your choices. The title of the document will default to the title of the fic, so be aware of that and consider changing conspicuous titles to something ignorable, especially if you share the computer.

You're done! Now do this with all your favorite fics!

Stay safe out there, your favorite characters are rooting for you <3

[wosoragebaiter69]

tears streaming down your face

barça femeni x reader, lena oberdorf x reader

request: here

A/N: please tumblr gods, stop giving me sicknesses i write about in sickfics. i am TIRED.

also the the requester i changed it a lil bit - hope it makes you happy (do not ask how this would work, this is fiction. this does not make sense in any reality tbh)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

As soon as you go down, you know what it is. The worst injury any footballer could imagine. Then, out of nowhere Lena Oberdorf (the defender marking you) can’t seem slow down and when she tries she trips over your good leg. Groaning as her knee hits the ground with a pop. Similar to yours.

Your faces are near each other, both silently empathising with each other when a rush of blaugrana swarms the area. Alexia sensing what your injury could be already.

“Is it?” She doesn’t want to say it, nobody ever wants to hear those letters.

“I think so, Ale I don’t want this please.” You sob, climbing into her lap.

“I know, I know. Deep breathes, you’ll get through this.” You do as told then you hear commotion to the right of you where Lena lays. You listen to the accented angry voices of Claudia and Patri.

“Ay, stop being dramatic. You literally tripped over her now you’re pretending to be hurt? Est��pida.”

“You are telling me you could not stop? Lies.”

As you’re about to tell them to stop, Wolfsburg players have shoved the spaniards away from their hurt teammate. Alex does the same with Lena as Alexia does to you.

Players around and above you are shoving each other and in your opinion it’s all too much. You’re overstimulated, in pain and all you want to do is cry. It seems Alexia notices this.

“Aye, Barça why don’t you be responsible and leave so that both medical teams can come over and do what’s needed for the players.” Her voice is her stern and the German captain agrees telling off her players as well.

When the crowd has gone, medical teams swarm and do the necessary on field tests, both ultimately asking for stretchers. Not a good sign.

You send a small sad smile to Obi, an understanding between you two. No bad blood or anything.

You part ways into seperate areas and get given the rundown. They suspect it’s the ACL, but scans will be needed to determine how bad it is and what type of surgery needs to be done.

You’re deflated, 9-10 months of recovery sounds horrific. They give you crutches, and put ice on your knee allowing you to watch the rest of the match in the stands. When you make it out, the young German is there as well, looking equally as tired.

“So, the three letters?” You ask, focusing on the match.

“Yeah, you?” You nod, sighing.

“It’s all apart of the game, it sucks that we have to miss so much though.”

“Yeah, it really does. Also before I forget, sorry. I didn’t mean to trip over you.”

“Hey, I know you didn’t. Maybe after our surgeries we could meet up sometime.” She stares at you.

“Would you come to Germany?”

“I’ve always loved Germany, it’s so nice there. So yes, I would.” Her eyes light up.

“So this hangout… is it like- a date orrr.” You laugh at her nervousness.

“Do you want it to be?”

“Yes.”

“Then it is, probably shouldn’t tell the teammates about this though. Not just yet, after nearly giving you another injury themselves.” You smile sadly at her, feeling guilty for your friends actions.

“Yeah, if I wasn’t in so much pain I probably would’ve yelled back. But you know I was also held down by a certain scary yet very nice woman.” You agree with that statement. Alexia is the same.

You both talk for the rest of the game and exchange numbers at the end with a promise to see each other soon.

- - - - -

You get confirmation of the rupture later that day, and told that in about a week you would go through surgery.

Alexia has essentially forced you to stay with her because she knows what it’s like and she knows the rabbit holes you could go in. She tries her hardest and you respect that.

She makes you come to training, not for you to watch them but for them to watch you. Jana stays with you in the gym working on her own recovery.

She makes jokes and makes the long week a bit easier, you’re also on your phone a lot. The others think it’s your way of distracting yourself… but it’s not particularly you that’s distracting yourself.

More like a certain Wolfsburg player.

Lena had been good, it was also confirmed for her and she had her surgery as soon as she was back in Germany.

Things were going well, and in 2 weeks there should be another game between your teams and in Germany. Which should be fun.

- - - - -

It’s the day after your ACL surgery, it went well and now you’re hobbling around sad, annoyed and in pain. Some of the team was at Alexia’s house trying to cheer you up but you didn’t even know what you wanted.

Out of nowhere Frido and Ingrid pull you up from the couch saying nothing other than.

“We’re taking her, bye!”

You follow them slowly into Frido’s car and sit in the backseat.

“What is it?” You ask the Scandi’s.

“Hmm don’t think we haven’t seen you messaging on your phone a lot. Do not forget we have also played at Wolfsburg.” Oh, they knew. Of course they did.

“So, tell us everything. Are you coming to Germany with us?” Ingrid asks after Fridolina.

“It was my plan, yes. Also, the thing with Lena is new. I just don’t want to mess up. I think my feelings are growing stronger so I want to do what’s right.”

“Ahh, young love.” The Norwegian says dramatically putting a hand to her chest.

“Ingrid didn’t you nearly go to jail for threatening a man trying to hit on your girlfriend.” Frido snickers at your comment.

“Frido, you are in love with a MAN. Please.” The silence is loud as you laugh at yourself.

“Kid I will murder you.” The blonde says.

“Nooo you’d have an angry German to deal with and their language is already angry enough. Then Ale would cook you.”

She hums in agreement, before conversation turns normal and light, filled with laughter.

- - - - -

You’re in the stadium waiting for the game to start, sitting next to Lena. Talk is small, about recovery and everything in between. It’s comforting to know that someone near you is also going through the same thing.

As the game progresses, so does your chatter. You make plans for afterwards, going to a small restaurant she liked.

By the end of the game, your hands are sealed together and as the final whistle blows, you kiss her cheek and walk to the field.

Maybe this journey for recovery won’t be so lonely.

—————————————————————————

i lost my first cricket match… this one girl can’t catch a ball and does nothing 💀 how is she on the team

also this won’t be a 2 parter because i have no motivation ❤️

[merlinmarvelandother-oneshots]

Hello, good morning/afternoon/night.

(this was written with a translator, in case there are spelling errors)

First of all I want to tell you that I adore everything you write and the way you do it.

And second, could I place an order?

I'm still learning how to use Tumblr, so I don't know how to do several things and I don't know if I'm writing this where I should.

I hope it doesn't bother you ir make you feel Uncomfortable!!

Lately I have had some situations in which a...family member...in an indirect and at the same time direct way has told me that I am...overweight/fat...and that has made me feel bad, so only if you want, could you make some headcanon about how Undertale, Underswap, Underfell and Horrortale would react to me believing that.

(I mean, they would deny it and say nice things or they would laugh and make fun of me for it and highlight having a double chin and a belly and stuff like that...)

But of course, if you don't want, of course it's not necessary or if it seems like there are too many characters, you can remove them or if you want ignore this and I'll understand.

Thank you for taking the time to read this!

anon, i’m so sorry this happened to you <3 it’s unfair and nobody should have to go through that.

readers gender isn’t specified, but i use “beautiful” and “gorgeous”

Undertale, Underfell, underswap, and horrortale skelebros reacting to a reader who has been fat-shamed

Undertale:

Sans:

-his brow bones would furrow

-“wait a minute, who said that?”

-he’d nod when you tell him

-“listen, they’re wrong. you’re beautiful as you are. now, i don’t want you starting any diets or anything if they would just make you unhappy, because i’ve heard plenty of stories about them being terrible. your family members just plain wrong. ‘kay?”

-he’d hug you if you were still upset

-from then on, he would tell you how gorgeous you were more often

papyrus:

-he would be even more upset than you were, honestly

-someone would DARE say such nasty things about HIS s/o / friend??

-he would storm to their house, knock on the door, and that man WOULD. NOT. BUDGE. until your family member listened to him.

-he would be harsh but obviously be nice about it

underfell:

Sans:

-why do you give a fuck???

-he’s honestly so confused

-like, his brother told him the same thing (which also confused him, seeing as he is a SKELETON) and he just?? didn’t care??

-he tells you to stop giving a fuck

-that’s it

-“why do you give a shit about what they say? their opinions are ass. you look great”

papyrus:

-he doesn’t look up from his book when you say that

-“mm. you could stand to lose a few pounds, i guess”

-(you don’t think he quite realized how hurtful that is)

-if you tell him he’d ask why

-he thinks he’s genuinely looking out for your best interests.

underswap:

sans:

-“they told you WHAT!?”

-he would be FUMING with anger

-but, he would calm himself down enough to reassure you

-he would tell you that you look amazing, and you shouldn’t start a diet that you wouldn’t enjoy just to conform to their standards of beautiful or healthy.

-he would talk to the family member afterwards, angrier than he would normally like to be when resolving a conflict

-you never hear those words from your family member again, trust me

papyrus:

-“fuck ‘em”

-you appear slightly offended that he would say something like that about your family member, so he elaborates

-“they want to police you on how traditionally beautiful or healthy you are. you were happy before that, but now their words have upset you, for something that didn’t need said in the first place. so, fuck ‘em. that’s an asshole move”

-he would not argue this with you

horrortale:

Sans:

-hes so fucking confused

-where he’s from, food is a scarcity, and your family’s bitching about “too much?”

-he contacts your family member, whether that be finding their address from your address book or by finding their phone number on your phone, and gives him a piece of his mind.

-he would rant for HOURS if he could, or if he could keep his train of thought for that long, about how lucky they are for having food in the first place.

-afterwards he would encourage you about how beautiful you are, and how wrong your family member is

papyrus:

-he would look at you with concern

-overweight?

-he won’t pretend to be an expert on human weight, but even if you are “overweight,” that’s a good thing! it means you have access to food!

-that’s SO special to him.

-he would tell you that no matter what your family member thought, you were BEAUTIFUL

-he would be happy to talk to your family member if you wanted him to

[musings-of-a-rose]

Pairing: Lucien Flores x f!reader

Word Count: 5700+

Rating: Mature - 18+ ONLY!

Warnings: Just like ao3, “creator chooses not to use warnings.” If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that you’re the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story. 

Notes: I know. We have 2 pictures and a one-sentence movie description. And yet, here I am, being a slut for this man’s characters. @rhoorl, this is for you!

**If you want to be added to the taglist, join here or let me know!

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**Reader is not described

Main Masterlist

Lucien Flores Masterlist

Great. Another dinner party. I swear my roommate is trying to kill me. 

“Come on. It'll be fun, Decaf!”

“You know I hate that nickname, right?”

Claudia chuckles, reaching out to squeeze my arm. “Then stop being so-” she gestures with her free hand “-blah.”

“Ouch.”

Claudia sighs. “You know what I mean. Ever since Dan you just haven’t been..the same.”

I stiffen at the mention of my ex’s name. “He put me through hell, Claudia.”

She nods, placing her hand back on my arm in a placating gesture. “No, of course! He was an asshole! But you shouldn’t stop living your life because of him.”

I pinch the bridge of my nose, exhaling loudly. “I know that. But I just…need some time. And having a dinner party every other weekend is not helping.”

She blows a raspberry with her tongue. “You know you love my parties. Besides, they help you loosen up.”

They don’t. I pretend to drink while my friends get drunk, eventually leaving when the party gets too much to handle. It’s not that they’re mean or anything. I just don’t enjoy being the only sober person in a room full of inebriated people. 

“And besides, Marcos specifically requested your famous tiramisu for dessert!” She gives me a pointed look, a smirk tugging at the corners of her mouth. 

“I don’t-”

“We can go shopping tonight! Maybe Marcos can come over to uh, help.” She winks at me, and that smirk finally pops up.

“I’ll make the dessert but I’m not going. I mean it this time, Claudia.”

I sigh, looking at my reflection in the mirror as I smooth down my simple black dress. I say no and somehow I always end up going. How does she do that?

The doorbell rings and I hear the faint excited tone of Claudia welcoming someone in. I do one last quick hair check and force a smile on my face, taking a moment to look in the mirror to make sure it doesn’t look too forced before I head downstairs, closing my door behind me. 

“Decaf! There you are! Marcos is in the kitchen. Why don’t you help him with the wine he brought?” Claudia turns to put Marcos’s coat and umbrella on the coat stand, Marcos anticipating the rain that’s forecasted to come at some point.

“Wine isn’t really my-”

“There she is!” Marcos pops his head out of the kitchen, flashing me a brilliant smile. “Could you get the wine opener for me?”

Fake smile affixed, I nod. “Sure.” I follow him into the kitchen, turning to glare at Claudia over my shoulder who smiles and gestures towards Marcos before turning back to answer the next knock at the door. 

I grab the automatic wine opener from the drawer, Marcos smiling at me as I hold it up. “Thanks so much, D!” Well, at least it was better than Decaf. Even though I knew he knew where the opener was. 

“Of course. Do you remember how to work this thing?”

“I think so.” He takes the wine opener from me, gently brushing his fingers against mine in a not so subtle hint of flirting. He affixes the opener on the bottle and presses the button, watching as the electric opener does its thing.

It’s not that I don’t like Marcos. He’s attractive, nice, deep hazel eyes, and obviously likes me. He’s smart too, starting up his own bio med tech company with just an idea and a promise. I could be content with him, I guess. If it wasn’t for this odd feeling at the back of my brain about him, something I could never pinpoint exactly. Even so, I’m just not attracted to him no matter how hard I tried. And I promised myself after Dan that I wouldn’t settle just so I didn’t feel lonely anymore. 

“You look beautiful tonight, D. That dress fits you perfectly.”

I smile, knowing it doesn’t quite reach my eyes. “Thanks, Marcos. How’s work? The prototype coming along?”

He smiles and launches into a long winded explanation of what exactly was going on as he follows me around the kitchen, helping me set the food on the table while Claudia pours wine and passes out hors d'oeuvres for the other guests - there are about 12 of us total. He’s cute when he talks so passionately, but again I don’t feel any connection. And the feeling at the back of my brain scratches at me again, but I push it down, putting another smile on my face. 

Dinner starts, an appetizer of vegetable soup ladeled into bowls. Claudia is every bit the chef her mother is and more, making even the simplest dishes delectable. When the roast comes, a recipe passed down several generations in her family, another knock raps at the door. Claudia looks around at everyone, mentally counting before looking at me, her eyebrows raised in a are you expecting someone? Question. I shake my head, Claudia starting to push her chair back but I stand, placing my napkin on the side of my plate.

“I got it, Claud.”

Conversations resume behind me as I leave the room, walking down the hall to the front door. A quick glance out of the peephole shows me a man, silky button up shirt with a print of random brushes strokes stretching across his broad shoulders as he puts a cigarette out on the front steps, pushing his shoe into it. I slide the lock back and crack the door open, his eyes snapping up to my face and the air rushes from my lungs when I meet his gaze. Dark brown eyes bore into mine and he cocks his head slightly to the side, smiling slightly. Oh shit is he wearing two chains?

“Good evening, miss.”

Oh shit I hadn’t said a word.

“Oh. Uh, hi. Can I help you?”

He smiles a little wider, tossing his thumb over his shoulder. “My car stalled and my phone is dead. Could I come in and call someone?”

I don’t entirely believe his story, but something in his eyes makes my brain go fuzzy and a warmth I haven’t felt in a long time start between my legs. 

“S-sure. Come on in.” I open the door wider and he smiles at me, nodding as he walks past. 

“Thanks. I wasn’t sure anyone would be home. Seems a lot of people are away for the weekend.”

“Oh not really. People around here don’t actually live here. It’s their second homes.” In fact, ours was Claudia’s parent’s second home. Which is the only way I could afford a place this nice. 

“Ah. That makes sense.” We stand in the entryway, his eyes scanning my face with that little smile still playing at his lips. It’s several long moments before I realize I’m the one who should be talking. 

“Oh! Uh, can I take your coat….” It’s then I realize he doesn’t have one, not even carrying one. 

He chuckles. “I think I’m good. But thank you for the offer.” The lights hit the chains around his neck and I swallow hard, wondering what it would be like to feel those chains smack me in the face over and over and-

Laughter erupts from the dining hall and..oh shit I never asked his name. 

I tell him my name. “But you can call me D.”

“What’s that short for?”

“I…don’t want to say.”

“That bad, huh? I’ve had some bad nicknames in my time.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. But my name is Lucien.” He extends his hand and I shake it, melting internally as I feel how large his hand his, how warm, and my brain wanders away on the thot train of exactly what I want those hands to do. Another round of laughter from the dining room breaks my trance and I give my head a little shake, dropping his hand. 

“Dinner party,” I gesture down the hall towards the dining room. 

“Ah. I thought you just dressed beautifully for fun.”

I can feel the heat in my cheeks and I glance away, tucking hair behind my ear before looking back at him. “I uh…you said your phone is dead?”

“Oh. Yeah.” He pulls it from his pocket, turning it to show me the blank screen.

“I have a charger. Come, I’ll let you use it and then you can come have some food if you’d like?”

“Oh I don’t want to impose.”

“It’s no bother. Really.” I let my hand rest on his arm, giving it a small squeeze. Who even am I right now?

His eyes flick between mine before he nods. “Lead the way.”

I yell to Claudia that I’m getting my charger and she doesn’t question it, diving right back into whatever story she’s telling as I lead Lucien up the stairs. To my bedroom. What am I doing right now? Before I can think further, I’m at my door, opening the handle and crossing to my night stand, pulling the end out of my own phone and extending my hand. “Here. Let me charge it for you.”

He hesitates a moment before placing his phone in my hand. “I appreciate it, D.”

I plug in his phone and open mine. “Do you have a preferred mechanic?”

“For what?”

“Y-your car?”

“Oh! Right! Uh sure. Can I just?” He makes to grab my phone and I let him, hiding a smirk when I notice that the tips of his ears are red. He taps away at my phone and holds it up to his ear, ordering a mechanic to his car.

“Hey, what neighborhood is this?”

“Destiny Falls.”

“Destiny Falls….great…thanks.” He taps the screen and hands me back my phone. “Thanks.”

I take the phone from him, feeling his fingers touch mine, a chill running down my arm and straight between my legs. “N-no worries.”

He stares at me for a long moment, his eyes moving down my body and back up. “You mentioned dinner?”

“Shit! Sorry! Yeah, uh this way.”

He follows me back out and down the stairs. I can feel his eyes on my ass and so I put an extra emphasis on my walk, an extra sway in my hips and I swear I hear a small groan coming from him. 

“Hhhm?” I ask.

“What? Oh, I uh, I’m hungry.”

I open the door to the dining room, Lucien following me in. Everyone turns their heads to look, Claudia’s eyes moving furiously between us both before she stands. “Who’s this, Decaf?”

I widen my eyes at her, willing her to never use that nickname again. “This is Lucien. His car broke down a couple blocks away and no one else is home. His phone died so he couldn’t call anyone. He’s going to wait here for the mechanic.”

Lucien holds up his hand. “Hi. Thank you for allowing me into your home.”

Claudia smiles, waving him up. “Of course! Are you hungry? Let me get you a plate.”

“Oh I don’t want to impose.”

“Nonsense! Decaf, could you get him a plate and a chair? Marcos, scootch down a bit and we can put Lucien’s chair at the end.”

I look over at Marcos, who’s eyes are narrowed at Lucien, a hard look in them. 

Men.

I roll my eyes and turn towards the kitchen, motioning for Lucien to follow me. “Come on. I need those hands.” It’s not until we’re in the kitchen when I realize what I said.

“So. You need my hands, doll?”

“I meant for the chair, but we’ll see if I can find another use for them.” What the fuck did I just say?

He chuckles, his eyes darkening. “I’m sure you’ll find me more than willing to help with whatever you want me for.”

Fuck, he’s looking at me and he has to know what he said. Lucien takes a few steps towards me, stepping inside the comfortable distance between strangers. Does he know that the heat between my thighs is almost unbearable at this point? I’m tempted to get him seated and go take care of myself before I get into trouble. 

“I-”

“Hey, D. Need any help?” Marcos had come through the door. I jump back, startled. Why do I feel guilty? I don’t owe Marcos anything. 

“Hey Marcos. No, I think we got it.”

“Here, Lucien. Let me show you where the spare chairs are.”

Lucien looks down at me and winks before following Marcos. “After you.” 

I make Lucien a plate of food and bring it out to the table, the conversation still moving forward. I set the plate down and go back to the kitchen to get him a drink when I hear raised voices from the back storage closet where the chairs are. I can’t make it out but they’re definitely arguing. 

Ugh, men. 

Then the storage room door pops open and Lucien exits, carrying a chair. The look on his face is hard, anger etching into his face, but then he sees me and it disappears immediately, giving me a smile. “Got the chair.”

He walks towards me as Marcos takes a moment to close the door. “Everything ok, guys?”

“We’re great, D.”

“Because it sounded like you were fighting.”

“Nope. All good.” Marcos’s voice was flat, not his normal charismatic, charming tone he uses to win everyone over. I don’t believe him but it’s not the time to press him. 

Lucien sits at the table and everyone starts asking him questions, his face animatedly answering all of them. The conversation pauses, everyone stopping to drink or eat or talk between themselves. Lucien shifts in his chair beside me, his leg brushing against mine and I gasp, trying to hide it as a small cough. But the twinkle in his eye tells me he heard me and knew exactly what I did. Not even the glare from Marcos at Lucien could ruin the mood for me. Lucien presses his leg into mine further, taking a sip of wine as he cracks a joke and everyone laughs, the ring on his pointer finger sparkling in the light from the chandelier. I can’t take it any more, the throbbing between my thighs is so intense I swear everyone can hear it. I need to get out of the room. 

“Excuse me. I’ll uh…I’ll go check on your phone.” I hastily stand, pushing my chair back. 

“Do you want help, D?” Marcos asks, halfway to standing himself.

“No! Uh, no. I can check a phone myself, thanks.” 

I walk calmly from the room, waiting until the door closes behind me before I take the stairs 2 at a time, closing my bedroom door behind me and pressing my back against it, feeling the coolness of the wood seep through my thin dress, but it does nothing to dull the ache between my legs. I sit on my bed next to my night stand, legs on the floor and put my hands over my face. Get it together. A quiet knock makes me jerk and snap my head up, moving my hands just enough to speak.

“Who is it?”

“Lucien.”

Shit.

“What can I do for you?”

“I uh, just need to check on my phone?”

Oh right.

“Come on in.”

As Lucien opens the door, I lean back slightly, placing my arms behind me and lean on them. Lucien gently closes the door and crosses the room, his pant leg brushing against my bare knee as he reaches for his phone and presses the power button, light shining in his face. I press my thighs together in what I hope is an inconspicuous manner.

“Only 15%. This phone takes forever to charge. Do you mind if I charge it a little more?”

“Not at all.”

“Thanks.” He sets the phone down and turns his head to look at me, his eyes flicking to my thighs that are currently jammed together so tight even water couldn’t get through them.

“Let me help you with your problem.”

I swallow hard. “P-problem?”

“Yes. Your problem.”

“I..I don’t have…” I lose all track of what I was going to say as his eyes darken, slowly raking over my body before landing on my own darkened gaze, smirking at me. 

“I’m an excellent…helper.”

“I..I d-don’t have a p-problem.”

“No?”

I shake my head, not even convincing myself. But then my voice catches in my throat as he gets on his knees in front of me, his fingers gently swirling a random pattern across my knees and lower thighs. My skin sears where he touches me, and I can feel how soaked I’m getting. He gently wraps his hands around my knees and slowly pushes them open, the cool air not doing much to cool me down. My chest heaves as his eyes move up my legs, his gaze disappearing under my shortened dress, honing in on where I need him. 

“I think I found your problem.”

“Y-yeah?”

He slowly slides his hand up my thigh, my breath coming out in little spurts the higher he gets. His hand disappears under my dress and then I feel him, his finger sliding up the middle of me still over my underwear and my hips jolt, immediately betraying all sense of logic in my brain, the side of me that’s screaming this is a stranger!

“Good news. I can help fix your problem.”

“Y-you can?”

“Do you want me to?”

I’m still propped up on my elbows, gazing down at this man who is kneeling between my legs, hand up my dress, rubbing tiny circles into my inner thigh with the tip of his finger, his eyes nearly black with lust, my logic side screaming at me to tell him no, to tell him to stop, to play it safe.

But I’m tired of being called Decaf.

“Yes.”

He smirks, sliding his hands up further, fingers pinching the fabric of my panties before he slides them down and off, tossing them behind him without looking. He gently places my legs over his shoulders, pushing my thighs open wider with his broad shoulders. 

“Show me,” he says it calmly, but it’s also commanding and I shiver.

I grip the bottom of my dress and pull it up over my hips, exposing myself to him. His eyes move to stare at my cunt, darkening the rest of the way. He moves his fingers to spread me and I gasp at his touch as he takes me all in. 

“Fuck!” I yell out as he quickly dips his head and licks up the center of me, his tongue curling around the bundle of nerves. My thighs try to jam against his head but he is so damn broad that all they do is weakly twitch against his shoulders as he works me open with his mouth, moaning into my cunt.

“Oh shit, oh fuck, I-” words tumble from me in an incoherent jumble. I feel one of his thick fingers swirling around my entrance before he pushes it all the way in, the cool metal of his ring brushing against my skin. My mouth is open in a silent scream, but then he pulls his finger out, adding another, his head lifted to watch as he fucks me with his fingers, the lewd squelches filling the quiet room.

He moves his head back down, gently sucking on my clit and my fingers fly to his head, twisting into his beautiful curls and gripping it as I moan his name, his fingers curling inside of me, slowly stroking at that spot. I can feel myself tightening, pulsing around his fingers as he pushes me closer to the edge. But then he pulls his hand out, his mouth leaving me and I huff.

“What the fu-”

He stands, undoing the buttons on his shirt before taking it off, tossing it on the floor. He’s not 6 pack fit but he’s trim, a small tummy poking out by his pant line that I desperately want to bite. His large hands work open his pants and before I know it, he springs free, heavy and ready.

“Take off your dress.”

It takes me a moment to tear my eyes away from him, nearly ripping my dress in half in my haste to rid myself of it. I unlatch my bra too, tossing it wherever it lands. Lucien pushes my legs open, settling himself between my thighs, pressing his chest against mine. I think he’s going to say something but then all words leave my brain as he pushes inside of me, splitting me open, hand clasped over my mouth as I scream into it, hands flailing around simply because I don’t know what to do with them. He burns me slightly from the stretch but I don’t even care. He bottoms out and just sits there a few moments, his own chest heaving with self-restraint. 

Without pulling out, he thrusts further in, pressing at a spot inside of me I didn’t even know existed. A whiny yelp escapes me before his hand clamps over my mouth again, his eyes finding mine as he continues this slow assault. He tentatively removes his hand, my mouth hanging open as jolt of pleasure radiates out from my cunt with every thrust of his hips. 

“Do you want me to fuck you into this bed, doll?”

I nod frantically, my hands gripping his ass in an attempt to move him faster.

“Tell me.”

“Please. Please Lucien, fuck me into my bed I-” he clamps his hand over my mouth again, his hips picking up to a rapid pace as he fucks into me, lifting my leg over his hip to change the angle. Then he somehow gathers my flailing hands in one of his large ones, pinning them into the bed above my head as he continues to snap his hips into mine, each thrust driving me rapidly towards the edge he had already brought me to earlier. The thin chains he wore brush against my face with every thrust, and I moan into his hand. 

And then I fling myself over the edge, each thrust of his hips carrying me further and further into this bliss. I’ve never experienced this, not in this way, not this intense, rolling waves of pleasure pulsing over my entire body. I feel his hand loosen their grip, no longer over my mouth and they squeeze my hips, flipping me over so quickly my head spins slightly. I bury my face in my blankets and moan as he thrusts into me, his fingers digging into my hips as he sets a rapid pace, pushing my back down to curve my ass up further. To my surprise, I feel one of his hands snake around me, finding my clit and applying the perfect touch, perfect amount of pressure as he drives me towards the edge again at a rapid pace. He pulls me up, my back flush against his chest, his arm wrapping around me to continue touching me while the other holds my hair tightly and I come, his name gasping from my lips as I feel his hips sputter against me, a mix of hard and soft grunts in my ear before he loosens his fingers, letting me drop back to my hands. 

He pulls out with a grunt and I immediately feel light, empty, and a little sore but in a good way. He looks at me and I point to my en suite bathroom, still trying to catch my breath. He disappears for several moments before coming back out, a wet washcloth in hand. He looks at me, still in the same position he left me in and moves behind me, pressing the cloth to my sensitive skin. I twitch and hear a low chuckle as he continues to clean me up. He helps me lay on my back, his finger tracing circles around my nippple before giving it a little pinch. 

“We better get back to your party.”

“My what?” I’d completely forgotten there even was a dinner party happening. He laughs, his hand resting on my stomach.

“Your dinner party. Surely your friends will wonder where you are.”

“Maybe. Or we could just stay here, naked, and see what happens?”

His eyes darken again and he leans forward, pulling a boob into his mouth and sucking on it. I gasp but then he drops it, sitting back up.

“As much as I’d love that, we should probably get back downstairs.”

I’m hurt, but he’s right. Soon enough my friends would send a search party. And I don’t want any of them to see this complete stranger, balls deep inside of me. Although if you asked me when he was actually balls deep, I wouldn’t have cared at all. 

Lucien dresses first and heads back downstairs, winking at me before he closes the door. I quickly rinse off, careful not to wet my hair before trying to fix it to what it was before. I smooth down my dress and hope no one notices the difference. I decide to check the power on his phone before I head down, just to give him an update, expecting it to not be any higher than maybe 20%. But when I light the screen up, my eyebrows furrow together. It was fully charged. Why did he lie? Was it just to fuck me? I wouldn’t have cared if his phone was fully charged. 

I take it from the charger and head back downstairs, sounds of laughter echoing up the stairwell. I sneak in through the back door, grabbing another bottle of wine on my way in as an excuse for taking so long. I realize I have no idea how much time I’d spent upstairs, but people were just finishing eating, so it couldn’t have been too long. 

I feel eyes on me, but none more than Marcos. His eyes bore into me, hardening the longer he looks at me. He glances between Lucien and me as I hand him his phone, a look of realization settling into his features. Before I can say anything he abruptly stands up, mumbling something about a cigarette break before heading out on the back porch. A moment passes and Lucien pats his pockets, asking Claudia if she thinks Marcos will let him bum a cigarette off of him. She smiles and tells him he definitely will. Lucien gets up and excuses himself, heading out the back door to find Marcos. 

Claudia keeps looking at me, her eyes narrowing but a smile forming, like she’s starting to piece together what happened. Before she can ask, I excuse myself, heading towards the backyard to find Lucien and Marcos. But when I open the door I hear raised voices coming from further in the backyard. 

“You need to fucking leave, Lucien.”

“I’m not going anywhere until you give me what’s mine, Marcos.”

“It’s not yours anymore, I told you that!”

“That’s because you fucking stole it from me, asshole!”

What the hell are they talking about?

“You say stole, I say borrowed-”

“It took me forever to find you and now you don’t even have the balls to admit you stole from me?”

“Fuck you!”

“No, fuck you!”

I hear the sound of fists landing and I close the last several steps, their fighting bodies moving into my view.

“What the fuck is going on here?”

They both stop, pushing back from each other and looking at me. Marcos tries to put on his normal charming smile, but that nagging feeling about him roars inside of me. “Hey, D.”

“Don’t hey me, Marcos. What’s going on?”

“Oh uh Lucien and I were just messing around, right?” He looks at Lucien who glares back at him.

“No. We were not. You stole from me.”

Marcos narrows his eyes. “And how could I have stolen anything from you?”

“You were my intern! You worked on my project and then you stole it to start your little start up!”

“Wait, what?” I look between them, confused. 

“D, he’s crazy. He’s just some guy off the street. You don’t even know him-”

“Oh she knows me plenty.” 

My jaw drops as Marcos looks between us. 

“Wait…did…did you sleep with her when you went to get your phone?”

I can feel my cheeks heating up but Lucien speaks before I do. “Yeah. I did. I fucked her good. Had her screaming my name. Begging me to fuck her.”

Marcos’s mouth opens and closes, anger flashing in his eyes and I can feel tears pooling in mine, a mixture of anger and embarrassment as Lucien continues to speak.

“Doesn’t feel good, does it Marcos? To have something you want so badly taken away from you? I knew the moment I saw you look at her that you wanted her. So I fucked her first. You take something from me, I take something from you.”

Marcos stands there fuming, looking furious at Lucien, but no longer even looking my way. “You can’t just come in here-”

“I can. And I came in her too.”

SLAP!

My hand stings with the force of contact but I swallow any cry of pain. Lucien brings his hand to his cheek, turning to finally look at me, an odd expression on his face.

“D, listen. Marcos isn’t who you think he is. He-” 

WHAM!

Marcos’s fist collides with Lucien’s face and he stumbles backwards. He rallies quickly, swinging for Marcos. I yell for them to stop but I may as well have been talking to the wall. The men fight, throwing themselves at each other, yelling insults that I can only halfway make out. But then Lucien pins Marcos to the ground, pounding on his face. I run up to him and grab his arm. 

“Stop!”

Lucien looks at my hand on his arm and then at me before glancing down at Marcos who had just passed out. He looks back at me, his face softening as he lowers his fist, slowly standing up with a series of tiny grunts.

“D, I’m sorry, I-”

“Did you just fuck me to get back at him?”

He’s quiet for longer than I’d like, and I hate the tears that start to fall. I’m not delusional. I know nothing would come of it. I didn’t even know the guy. But a part of me had held onto some idea that maybe it was something more, could be something more. 

“Not…not at the end.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

He gestures to a couple of chairs. “Can I explain?”

I sit, I probably shouldn’t have but good decisions went out the window a long time ago. Lucien sits in the chair across from me, shifting his weight forward to be closer to me. 

“Years ago, I hired Marcos as my intern. His name then was Juan. He helped me with my research. I had a bio tech lab and was working on some ground breaking tech. But then one day, I come in and everything is gone. He’d stolen everything, all of my years of research just gone. And then I see his face being put up as the new man to watch in all of the science and tech magazines and I see it, my tech being claimed by this imposter.” Lucien spits on Marcos’s body. 

That explains the weird vibe I’d always gotten from him. He was a lying cheat. 

“So what about tonight?”

“Ah. Well it had taken me years but I finally tracked him down. And every time I tried to get close, to get him to confess he would somehow weasel out of it. But then I saw him connected to a social media post about a dinner party. I hired a PI to figure out where and I..well I knocked on the door.”

“So your car?”

“Isn’t really broken down, no.”

“Your phone was fully charged.”

“It was already at 87% when I first plugged it in.”

I sit with this information for a few moments. “So what about…me?”

Lucien’s face softens as he looks at me. “Then there was you. I didn’t expect to see anyone here I actually was intrigued by, but there you were. I pushed it aside to get to Marcos but then I saw how he acted around you, the way he looked at you, the pure desire in every inch of him. So I flirted and got close. You were hot and I figured I could fuck you to make him get super pissed. But then you took your dress off so easily and I could tell you weren’t really that kind of person and I just… lost myself a bit when I was inside you. By the end, I was hating myself for using you. I…I’m sorry.”

Well. There you have it. I was right about Marcos being too charming for a reason, a reason he had now confessed to, recorded on Lucien’s phone no doubt. I’m mad, I want to hit him but I also get it. And damn was he the best fuck I’ve ever had. 

I lean forward, curling my finger around the chains on his neck as I pull him closer. 

“Wanna go for round 2?”

General Taglist:

@frankie-catfish-morales @chaoticgeminate @janebby @astoryisaloveaffair @balekanemohafe @greeneyedblondie44 @hoeforthefictional @marvelousmermaid @hauntedmama @giuliarogers @icanbeyourjedi @wretchedmo @sunnshineeexoxo @livingmydreams13 @adventures-of-a-noodle @sara-alonso @theewokingdead @punkerthanpascal @giggly-otter @f0rever15elf @phandoz @dirtytissuebox @gallowsjoker @lovesbiggerthanpride @sarahmilesbendrix @booksarekindaneat @mrsudontknowme @swol-bear @charlispersonallyhell @xoxabs88xox @amneris21@gooddaykate @alindeluce @avengers-fixation @paintballkid711 @harriedandharassed   @ladykatakuri @marrianena  @practicalghost @withakindheartx @batdarkladyvampir @justanotherkpopstanlol   @mermaidxatxheart @alexxavicry @ichigodjarin @justreblogginfics @sullyosully @kmc1989 @veryprairieberry @mysterious-moonstruck-musings @morallyinept

[proudhamarsing]

(I AM ON A HIATUS/BREAK FROM TUMBLR, HOWEVER I JUST WANTED TO MAKE THIS LAW OF ASSUMPTION/MANIFESTATION POST THAT I KNOW THAT MANY OF YOU WILL BENEFIT FROM: PLEASE READ!!!)

The Power of Umbrella/Blanket Affirmations (Edit: THIS IS NOT JUST FOR AFFIRMATIONS, BUT ALSO FOR OTHER MANIFESTING WAYS!!! LOOKS LIKE I TOOK AFFIRMING AS THE MAIN FOCUS POINT, SORRY!!) Manifesting Without Stress.

Hey there! Have you ever felt totally stressed out trying to make sure you say every single affirmation perfectly (the life threatening urge to specify all the details </3)? Or maybe you’re overwhelmed by the idea of affirming for each and every one of your desires? If so, don’t worry you’re not alone, and there’s a much simpler way to manifest your dreams!

Why Details Don’t Matter.

First of all, you know what you want, and what for an example AN affirmation, visualization, a statement that you script Imply/mean! You assign the meaning/description. (IT COULD EVEN BE AN EXTREMELY LONG description, you don't have to repeat what the meaning or description to you Is, once you know, or even have the slightest Idea about, you know It for as long as you'd like! You're actually more than powerful!!!!!) You are God; you put your desires there for you to experience them, so you know exactly what you’re refering to and talking about when you’re affirming. You know yourself for an INFINITY well. You can even create the assumption that affirming (Or just state/say. Creating the assumption, or Impressing the subconcious mind, your higher/god self or WHATEVER you believe In should also NOT be your concern. IT IS ALREADY DONE, BEAUTIFUL SOUL.) "You know what" will automatically bring your desires to you effortlessly, or imply that you already have your desires which you really do (I MEAN IT, BUT IT IS YOUR PREFERENCE THAT MATTERS, IF YOU WANT TO HAVE YOUR MANIFESTATIONS NOW OR IN THE FUTURE IS EITHER WAY MORE THAN JUST VALID, AND OBVIOUSLY UP TO YOU) <3 (The phrase "You know what" Is a random example, you can create your own short or long phrase!!) (Seems like I took affirmations as the main example, but this goes for EVERY AND ANY manifesting way!!!! I can't stress this enough so I repeat In a rush.)

Don’t Panic Over Affirmations. (Took affirmations as an example, but this Implies to any and every way to manifest ♡ I JUST NEED IT TO BE CLEAR THEREFORE I AM REPEATING THIS OVER AND OVER AGAIN)

You don’t need to go into panic mode, trying to affirm every single desire for a specific amount of time. Manifesting shouldn’t make you feel drained or overwhelmed. If you’re feeling like you want to procrastinate or avoid your affirmations because they’re too much, it’s time to simplify. Cut down to three or ONE (In this Instance affirmation, but this Implies to all the ways you can manifest. (Visualization, scripting, Inner conversations, State akin to sleep, Rampage/Vauting, reading affirmations istead of affirming In a "thinking way", placebos, subliminals, affirmation tapes, etc, ANYTHING (YES, Including the ways that I didn't mention here.) affirmation(s) that Invokes the feeling of wanting to affirm It or them 24/7. This is how you fall In love with manifesting that you've been naturally doing your entire life. Isn't that wonderful?

Umbrella/Blanket Affirmations to the Rescue.

This is where umbrella or blanket affirmations come in. These are general statements that cover all your desires at once. They’re perfect when you have a ton of things you want to manifest. Instead of stressing about each detail, and making the "time" (OOP ILLUSION SPOTTED, TIME IS AN ILLUSION, DO NOT STRESS ABOUT THAT NON-EXISTENT "THING") to affirm for each desire, you can use blanket affirmations to manifest everything you want quickly and easily.

For example, instead of saying, "I have an A in math, I have a great friend group, I’m confident," you can use a umbrella/blanket affirmation like, "Isn’t it wonderful how everything in my life is perfect?", this covers all your desires without the need for a long list of specific affirmations that you feel like you have to go through every minute of the day.

The "Isn't It Wonderful" Challenge

Neville Goddard, a famous teacher of the Law of Assumption, came up with the "Isn’t It Wonderful" challenge. The idea is to simply say, "Isn’t it wonderful?" and feel the joy of everything working out for you/your manifestations being manifested now or ever since the past/get go (revision). This one simple phrase can help you manifest multiple desires at once, effortlessly.

The Joy of Simplified Manifestation

Remember, manifesting is supposed to be a joyful experience. By using umbrella or blanket affirmations, you’re making it easy and fun. You don’t need to stress about getting every detail right, or to affirm 3-4 long affirmations for THE TRILLIONS (or even more) of your desires that Is your birthright and life's purpose to have, and YOU. DO. HAVE. YOUR. DESIRES. RIGHT. NOW. NOW. NOW!!!! Or you will have them by a certain time If YOU WANT to have your manifestations by a date in the future. You can absolutely also manifest always having had your desires since the get go, or by a certain date In the past. You know what you want, and you obviously have your back, bringing yourself everything you desire Instantly every nanosecond!!!!!!

I am extremely sorry If this post contains grammatical errors, or ain't organised. I am writing this post In a rush, but I tried my best making It crystal clear as possible.

There are a lot of great YouTube videos on this topic, BUT WHY WOULD YOU NEED 5 VIDEOS, WHEN YOU CAN WATCH ONE VIDEO ON A TOPIC THAT AIN'T EVEN COMPLICATED. (TWO RULES: DON'T OVERCONSUME, DON'T PROCRASTINATE. DON'T IDENTIFY WITH THOSE ILLUSIONS, DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THEM. And for Illusionary "unecessary/negative" "thoughts": Pretend that you're looking to your left and your right In your mind, or do It really, when you catch your human self being on a rodeo bull of these Illusions, do not react to these Illusions, just look to your left and right to ensure that there Is nothing unwanted going on, wether It Is in your human self's mind or their ""3D""".

I apologize for linking three videos, but CHOOSE whichever ONE that you like (If you even In the first place want to watch a video on umbrella/blanket affirmations. Remember: It Is up to you. It Is not an obligation! ) and ENJOY!

[P.S Umbrella affirmation(s) and blanket affirmation(s) are the same thing In different names. It Implies the same thing. They are affirmations that hold an umbrella over EVERY single one of your manifestations/desires (Doesn't matter how many), or you can also say that they are affirmations you use as a blanket that covers all of your manifestations/desires, and you are affirming for every single one of them just by stating ONE umbrella/blanket affirmation (ISN'T IT WONDERFUL? 🥰)

[cinnibelle]

I’m going to vent. Sit tight for an artist’s reflection on the acotar fandom!

I was going to use tumblr to strictly post art (at least on my end) and engage with the wonderful ppl here as well. Except what I’ve been seeing as of late is a lot of abuse (across platforms) and it’s very jarring. As an artist, I understand to make the most of your experience in a toxic fandom is to say nothing and do nothing that bothers those a bit **too** passionate about their opinions. I get it, I’m used to being content fodder from other fandoms. So I am not new to this.

But this fandom is *so* toxic that I immediately understood why artists choose to stay neutral or entirely avoid making art for this fandom at all. I have several art friends interested in the books but won’t touch the fandom with a ten foot pole from what they’ve seen. What I’ve personally witnessed the past few months is genuinely disgusting. The only reason I’m here after being FLAMED on twitter is because 1) I began posting BECAUSE people were so kind and encouraging and I don’t want to leave them and the possibility of befriending others 2) I was fully prepared to be dragged for the smallest offense.

I didn’t want to believe people would be downright atrocious to me for Elain, being starborn, holding the sword that reflects her (as I’ve stated when I paralleled quotes) but that’s what they were: awful. And what I got in turn was: why are you victimizing yourself this is what other artists deal with! Ok?? And!? Why is it appropriate AT ALL. Why is it fine for you to do that? I don’t care what anyone ships, why do you feel entitled to comment nastiness under someone’s art. To directly be in their mentions mocking the concept and the way it looks or how you hate the character. It brings me and others joy.. why are you being ruthless? For a fictional character??

It’s too much. And you know, this is my first fandom experience where the shipping is so extreme. I would’ve loved multi shipping as I’ve done it in other fandoms, I really don’t care for what sort of crack ships people make up (though I have my limitations, I think everyone does. “Notp”.) But you know what I DON’T DO as an adult? Ridicule artists for their work. They are providing content FOR FREE. And if they aren’t, they are gifting you with their expertise and talent. You are scaring people away.

I was afraid of joining and just stayed on the sidelines for months just enjoying arts in peace. I only gave in because I showed some friends some of my sketches and they ADORED it. And pleaded that I post. So I did, and I found many others really wanted me to continue posting. So I do. Were it not for the toxicity, I would’ve drawn all types of ships because I’m genuinely someone that does not care about the ship and if it’s canon or endgame or not, if I like the characters and the vibe- cool. Draw it. That’s the beauty of fanart.

But people are acting diabolically UNHINGED over it. And treating artists like they’re players and they’re revoking sponsorships. Fandom should not be a competition. That is exhaustive and tiring. I shouldn’t have to be fearful of the engagements on my posts. I don’t even have 500 followers yet on ANY of my platforms. And still, I am treated like filth. I need people to reflect on their behavior, recognize if they don’t like something ignore it or block it or what have you and be at peace. Stop giving into negativity and using artists as some pawn- they have feelings TOO! And you really turn them off to a character or a ship or a fandom in general with the way you act.

I have my comments off where I can keep them off because I simply don’t want 1) people arguing in my comments and 2) comments that are generally unhelpful or just shaming me for what I post. But twitter I really can’t help what happens. And tumblr too there’s some limits I can take and a filtering system I can take advantage of but even here people lack etiquette. I don’t understand where people get off acting like mean girls over things people made.

This is the most extreme, unhealthy fandom I have ever been in and I’m really not all shocked when I hear an artist quit and doesn’t want to partake. This is not a competition of who has it worse. Stop bullying artists because they don’t make content that pleases you. Just drop it. I can’t believe I am being called TOXIC for defending myself and my art. And I know who these people are, I know exactly the type of content they themselves post and it’s COMEDY to be telling ME I’m toxic for standing up for myself.

Most artists leave or go silent. That’s what you want, right? Or to antagonize them to the point they really lose patience with you. This is me losing patience: a call to being better. Be the change you seek. It’s funny I have people going at me and in their bio it says “ spread kindness not hate” Pardon??

Seriously, I would’ve liked to explore any theory and a variety of arts despite my preferences but the way people act with what I DO put out, I’m just sour. I don’t even want to expand beyond the two characters I really like because I have a headache already with the “you don’t really care about-“ takes that I’ve seen other artists get when they expand what they draw in this fandom.

It shouldn’t offend you that an artist has a preference and wants to share the things that they found intriguing or makes them happy. And if it does, cry about it in private at minimum. Stop dumping your grief onto the artists. That’s all. Maybe then you will see a resurgence of artists that do content for free (and frequently) or a return of artists who left.

[66sharkteeth]

I am SO sorry about that other anon good lord, who do they think they are??? You're a human being with feelings and emotions and hardships!! Or a shark I guess in your case, but my point still stands.

I, too, have been a long-time fan of your comic. CoB is my favorite webcomic and I've been loyally following and reading the updates since... end of s1?? It's been a while. BUT despite that, I know that you're still a person at the end of the day, and that sometimes you just need to get shit off your chest. It's far healthier to vent and get things off your chest than it is to bottle it up.

I haven't paid attention because I'm following like 500 different tumblrs, but may I suggest tagging your rants? That way, if people don't want to see it, they can just blacklist the tag, and you can keep getting things off your chest.

>>> Also just a reminder to everyone that YOU CURATE YOUR OWN ONLINE EXPERIENCES. The tag blocker and unfollow button is there for a reason. If you don't like what someone posts, either block the tag or just unfollow them. It's not that hard.

Sorry to that anon in that I didn’t mean to send any hate their way. I appreciate what you’re saying but I understand their point. I made this as a space for fans and I shouldn’t be using it for personal baggage. I’m just going to try to avoid using it like that from now on, so hopefully a tag won’t be necessary but I’ll make sure to do so if I do fall in that hole again. I hopefully just find a better outlet, but I just always appreciate being heard here, even if only by a few people. Even just a like on one of my posts tells me someone heard me and sometimes that’s just all I need. This was just kinda the only place I can get that since Twitter and IG would attract too much attention, and well, my private accounts… just feel like screaming into a void that just echos everything back and confirms everything I’m venting about. I’m gonna try to avoid venting here from now on and do my best to just keep it a positive fan space, but I appreciate all the support up til now whenever I’ve been having a bad night

[akiranzee]

💐🥺 some flowers for ya! Akaza who is kinda jelly of Reader, who is Muzan's fave bc they've always completed the tasks they were given. But here's the thing; Reader is crushing on Akaza. HARD. what to do? was thinkin fluff but you can add more to it, ehe. (no degredation pls)

🪻 • ° ` — “CHANGE OF FEELINGS”

-> PAIRINGS: Akaza x f!Uppermoon 4!Y/n -> SUMMARY: Eyes that have seen the meaning, hearts that have learned to love, and demons that have experienced the good. -> WORD COUNT: 1.3k+ -> CONTAINS: fluff, mention of blood, & akaza is 200 while reader is 180. -> A/N: FLOWERS FOR U TOO‼️‼️💐🌷🌹🌹🌺. there is no koyuki in this unfortunately☹️☹️. blue spider lillies here appear at night, but still twice or thrice a year, sry this also took long, this was kind of hard to write😭😭. AND i ran into some problems on tumblr,, still hope u like it tho!

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------------Complete!------------

A deep chuckle could be heard erupting from the depths of the Demon King’s throat, “as expected from you. Very well then, you have earned yourself a week of rest.” He says, as you softly smiled to have pleased your king.

But again and again, one is not pleased by this. Akaza’s fists were brutally clenched as he hears this for thousands of times already. No, that shouldn’t be you. That should be him. He’s supposed to be Muzan’s favorite, not you. How dare you try to steal his spot when you’ve only become an uppermoon for just half a year? No. He won’t allow this. You? An uppermoon 4? Beat him? An uppermoon 3? No no, he won’t allow this. He will never allow this.

“Akaza, I assume you have something good to report to me?” Muzan looked at a wall, knowing Akaza was behind it. Muzan’s deep, demonic voice sent shivers down Akaza’s spine, and yours too.

“Y/n, you’re dismissed.” A part of you wanted to stay and say something, but your entirety would end if you do so.

“Hm? Anything else?” Muzan asked, no — demanded you to tell him why you’re so hesitant. After all, he knows everything about his creations. From the physicality, to the mentality.

“Um... If I may be so bold to ask, master.. May I request a favor?” As Muzan’s gaze transferred down towards you, shivers crawled up to your spine, as you gulped down the lump forming in your throat.

~~~~~

You sat on top of a tree, in the middle of the night. You were quite happy and relieved that Muzan had accepted your favor, but didn’t know if he had obliged it.

As the wind softly hit your face, you spotted a certain someone below. It was none other than Akaza, looking as happy as ever.

Akaza started to take his top off, revealing all the muscle and the chiseled body he was hiding behind that cropped sleeveless haori.

It seemed like Akaza was happy, and that Muzan didn’t hurt him at all. You were glad when Muzan really obliged your request. Huh. The perks of being the favorite.

You watched Akaza as he trained, his muscles flexing at any given angle. And you sure were enjoying the show.

“Gonna keep watching?” Akaza suddenly asked, causing you to blush profusely as you were caught to have been enjoying his training session quite a bit too much.

“Just so you know, I’m not dumb enough to not see you from up there.” Akaza’s tone quickly changed to one that’s too hostile, one that immediately made you lose all the red in your face.

“N-No, Akaza-san, I-I’m only just-” A stuttering mess you are, but Akaza paid no mind to it and cut you off.

“Just because you’re Muzan-sama’s favorite, doesn’t mean that you’re any better than me. Remember this; I am uppermoon 3, and you’re only uppermoon 4.” And with that, Akaza left. God, he was so fucking hot when angry. That’s how down bad you are for him. You didn’t even pay mind with how he indirectly insulted you, only thinking of ways to get him to atleast see you as a comrade, not a foe.

And you just so happened to know the best way to do that.

Unknowingly to Akaza, you purposely made yourself suspicious for the past few days just for him to keep an eye and follow you around.

And, when the day comes, Akaza, after losing you from his sight, stumbled upon an open field. Not just any open field, but an open field full of blue spider lillies.

You knew how much this means to Akaza, especially when he has tried his very best to look for these. You sat down in the middle of the bloomed blue spider lillies, one that looked like a goddess, more like a human than a demon. You were just too beautiful to be a demon.

You felt Akaza’s eyes lay on you. He had never once, in fact, see a woman this beautiful up until this day.

But no, he sees you as a foe — he must see you as a foe. Even if you wanted to be comrades, friends, or even more than that, he must not allow it. No, it’d be ironic anyway for a demon as evil as him to learn how to love.

Perhaps his hatred toward you was just only for the reason that you were Muzan’s favorite. Yet he only looked at you that way, believing you were as evil as the others to even dare take his spot when you know being Muzan’s favorite was the goal he always wanted, yet failed to reach.

But no, you were not like the others — in fact, you were far more different than them. So different that he has started to see you in a new light.

“Akaza-san, what are you doing here?” You asked and tried to act clueless, looking up at him with eyes that were a thousand more beautiful than hundreds of stars combined, as the galaxy reflected on your sweet, sweet eyes.

Akaza walked closer to you, and silently asked, “How did you find these?”

“Well, I frequent here.” You lied. You know yourself you literally took days, weeks, or months, even going as far as to neglect Muzan’s assigned missions to you.

Then, the silence longers. You only stared at each other’s eyes, whilst admiring how the fresh wind hits the both of you gently.

“The moon has set.” You suddenly said, looking up behind Akaza to look at the moon more clearly, the moonlight shone and sparkled before you, serving as spotlights for the both of you as if you’re the only ones that exist.

Silence lingers once again, the tension has become quite too awkward for the both of you. Your relationship has always been like this. But, there was a change. Right now, Akaza’s once hatred-filled eyes turned to one of admiration.

One that finally admired you in a way of finally seeing the real you, not the you he expected you to be. It seems, that Muzan has changed his perspective of you, his thoughts of you, and even the way he feels about you.

There’s just something about you that he can’t get over with.

Maybe it’s because of the fact that you still help him despite his growing and obvious hatred for you, or maybe because your smile tells him there’s more to it than what he thinks...?

Either way, you smile widely and shiny as the moon when you could see the change within him. Maybe, just maybe, will your feelings get reciprocated?

~~~~~

“I apologize, I have failed to find the blue spider lilies, Lord Muzan.” Akaza hung his head down low in shame, prepared for his usual punishment.

You winced and closed your eyes as you looked at the bloody scene from afar. Confusion was still within you, though. Why would he not even take those blue spider lillies?

You gasped as you saw Muzan dissapear in thin air as Akaza slowly stood up whilst trying to regenerate half of his face.

Akaza sauntered weakly towards you, “Why are you up here?” he asked, as blood spilled out of his mouth.

You wiped the blood off of his face, “well... why did you not even take the blue spider lillies?”

“Because you found it. Not me.”

“Well, I led you to it.”

“You still found it.” Akaza, as stubborn as ever, doesn’t want to take credit for something great you achieved. If ever, it should be you who must give it to Muzan, and yet you decline, wanting Akaza to instead do it.

“I think Muzan-sama doesn’t hate you.” You say, sitting down beside Akaza.

Akaza only scoffed, knowing it is a mere lie only to make him feel better.

“Otherwise, if he did, he wouldn’t let you handle such a task that would change the demons’ lineage forever. That, is especially a good change.” You caressed his right cheek as you smiled, his other cheek slowly healing.

“...I don’t think so.” He tried to deny, but the smile on his face says otherwise. The fact can’t be changed that he was indeed comforted by what you said.

The both of you chuckled in unison as you laid on your backs, looking up at the bright roof on top of you.

It was cold, yet the feeling of being close with each other was warm enough to know that everything’s fine and comforting.

From that then on, the both of you felt as close as ever. Both your minds and hearts wished that this moment would go on for as long as life continues.

★ • ° ` — BONUS:

“Akazaaa, aren’t you getting hungry? C’mon, let’s eaaaaatt!!” You whined as you tried to pull your beloved inside a restaurant of the red light district, after having a tiring battle with the demon slayers.

Yet, he was being stubborn, not wanting to spend the precious money his dear lord had lent him for this disguised-undercover mission.

“No, the money is not enough.” A lie. When he literally had a bag of coins swinging by his waist. But that simple excuse doesn’t work on you, as you continued to pull Akaza with you towards the restaurant.

Then finally, Akaza gave in, as you almost stumbled on your own, Akaza grinning the shit-eating wide grin he had ever done.

You huffed in annoyance, but that didn’t stop you from finally getting in the restaurant, mouth gaped open at how fancy it looked on the inside, rather than outside. Then, a much more eye-catchy thing caught your attention.

“Look, ‘kaza! Don’t these foods make you hungry at all?” You exclaimed as you had finally entered the restaurant along with Akaza, looking at the menu.

“You’re a demon... how come human food makes your mouth water?” Akaza looked at you with disbelief, as you wrapped your arm around his arm, whilst you looked up and smiled at him, “well, any food is delicious!”

“Whatever. Muzan-sama only gave me ¥300.” He said, jingling the bag of coins he had, “well, that’s more than enough! See! This one only costs ¥100!” You pointed at the food displayed on the menu as your eyes sparkled in delight.

“Pleasee, ‘kaza?” He swears, that he’s only paying the precious money for you to stop begging like a child, not because you looked so fucking cute looking up at him with those sparkling eyes of yours.

He glanced at the coins one last time, before handing it to the chef. As you squealed silently in joy, you pulled him on a seat near the window, admiring the beauty the city lights held at night from the 2nd floor. It were like huge stars in front of you, sparkling against your eyes.

Being a demon was, well, hard. Everyone loathes you, those demon slayers are after your head, and no one will ever be by your side. But luckily, you have Akaza. And admiring a peaceful scenery such as this one makes you forget even for a moment that you were hated by the whole world.

“Akaza-san... what if we were humans instead of demons?” You suddenly asked, as Akaza’s attention was now on you.

“Why ask?” He too, looked at the lights shining below. And then, he had finally realized the answer.

“Light may be beautiful. But darkness has its own beauty too. We are immortals, stronger than these humans.” Akaza answered nonchalantly, but he too, wondered. If he never became demon, would he even ever get to meet you?

“...Right. Aren’t we also like humans now? I think this is what humans call a ‘date’.” You softly said, as you looked around you, everyone was being lovey-dovey.

Akaza turned his head away, trying to hide the forming pink in his face. You only giggled, as the food has been served.

~~~~~

A stroll in a peaceful, starry night on a windy open field hand in hand with someone. More so, this someone who you had always long loved.

“The stars are so bright, aren’t they, ‘kaza?” Akaza only hummed in response, looking up too at the stars that formed hundreds of constellations.

“Say, why did you suddenly like me, ‘kaza?” You asked, as you sat down on an open field, where the blue spider lillies last bloomed.

“Just... fate I guess.” He sat along with you, your fingers still intertwined together.

“Hmm... fate you say... then does that mean we are fated to be together?” You asked and looked up at him hopefully, but Akaza didn’t answer. He was left silent, nor did he even bat you an eyesight. He couldn’t answer, or perhaps he didn’t know the answer.

A soft sigh left your lips. He was still the little tsundere you have always loved, and still love. So, you took the first move.

You cupped his cheeks on your hands, and leaned in. Akaza was taken aback, but he too, returned the affection you had given him.

Being breathless was an understatement. You feel like you could die. The feeling was way too good to even think of anything else. You couldn’t even have the chance to think that Muzan could have witnessed this public display of affection.

“...Why did I make these demons again?” Muzan asked himself, as he could feel himself combusting at the ghastly scene in his mind, lovey feelings flowing through his veins. He couldn’t continue on what he was doing now.

a/n: haha poor muzan

[greycaelum]

Hi Grey, sorry if I'm bothering you. This is not a writing request or anything, just some rants. Still, I will be truly grateful if you read them.

To be honest, I feel pathetic writing you this, but I just need someone to vent to, or else I’ll go insane for real, as I've been depressed and restless ever since the last release of JJK, and you’re probably the person who understands closely to how I feel right now. After all, you actually are the person who made me fall deeper for this character.

So, let me take you back to the start.

I was bored. Until one day, I stumbled upon JJK on Netflix and ended up binge-watching all of the episodes in SS1 in one go. Since I don’t have much time to catch up on the manga from the beginning, I usually read spoilers on sites anonymously and somehow found your page despite not owning a Tumblr account. (I started reading manga from the episode where Satoru got out of the seal.)

Yes, I was indeed fond of Satoru before reading your works. However, I became obsessed with the version of Satoru you beautifully portrayed in the Kaleidoscope Series. I even got a baby fever. Me, the one who hates kids, pledged to myself that this bloodline would end with me.

In addition, the more I read, the more I became infatuated with him.

I told my bestie who also writes fanfic about how I love Satoru from your lenses. She told me that I should tell you this, as it would make a writer happy to know how much her stories have impacted me. That’s another justification for how I decided to write you this.

The happiness didn’t last long. As I said earlier, ever since the last episode, it has been like a world fell apart. I cried myself to sleep every night, and I felt stupid for doing so. Like, I shouldn’t let a fictional character have this control over me, but I just couldn’t help it. I was down to the point where I signed up for a Tumblr account to tell you this.

In case you’re still here, thank you for reading my nonsense. I feel a bit better after letting it all out. Also, I didn’t request any topic because I’d love anything you write from the Kaleidoscope Series.

Ps. I’m shy, so I’ll just send this message anonymously.

- 🩵🩷

Hi dearest one, this would never be a bother and I couldn't be more grateful that you took such efforts to reach out to me, thank you so much, I appreciate it more than you can imagine!

Please don't feel pathetic, okay? Your emotions are totally justifiable and I too feel the same frustration over the recent chapters. And even if Satoru is a fictional character, it doesn't make the feelings and emotions we experienced from him shallow, because for better or for worse we did love him and it is natural to feel devastated if you lose someone you love, regardless of whatever or whoever he/she is.

Kaleidoscope Series was made out of the idea "to soothe" and "comfort and rest" and I never have ever imagined that this little corner would grow enough to reach a lot of you. I am very grateful of how you have come to love KSeries, so much I want to hug you and give comfort after all that's happening in the manga.

Please do tell your friend thank you so much and, yes, it does mean the world to receive this kind of message, I am grateful and I couldn't emphasize enough how I appreciate this gesture from you!

Please feel a little better knowing what you're feeling is not insignificant, and I can relate how sad it is to lose someone you love. It's okay to cry, and even if Satoru may be "dead", he will be fine, you too will be fine. Time always do its work. He died in a way he saw fit, and he had fun...

This thought may not lessen the pain of his passing, but it does soothe us that he died with one less regret... And that is enough for him, he too has been standing up for himself far too long, he deserves rest.

Don't worry I am in my delulu world where Y/n is pregnant with their third babies. My commitment lies not on Gege 🫠🫣

Don't be too shy, I really don't bite~😆

—Grey,

[atmilliways]

Wrong On The Money (45)

part 45 of ?? | 681 words | Teen+

Blackmail fic on Ao3 | on tumblr

Summary:

Eddie spends the next few days walking on air. 

I ❤️ Uncle Wayne.

45.

Eddie spends the next few days walking on air. 

Sure, they haven’t exactly defined their relationship yet. But he woke up cuddling Steve Harrington, and ever since then they kiss each other silly whenever they’re alone together. There’s even some backing each other into walls or pushing up against doors. And whenever Eddie slips into Steve’s room, he’s always greeted warmly, if sleepily. 

Steve likes to be the little spoon. Eddie likes to nuzzle into the finer strands of his thick, glorious hair at the base of his neck and press reverent kisses until one of them falls asleep. It works. 

A huge part of Eddie is still shocked that Steve is interested in him at all, after all the shit he’s pulled and some of his dumbass friends’ crap. But he’s starting to get it—to get Steve, and the way he thinks about himself as perpetually making up for his past douchebag tendencies. Which. . . . Yeah. There had been a time or two, or seven (or thirty), where Tommy H. had shoved him into a locker or a trash can or a wall, or any of the other popular kids had made a scathing (if vapid) comment about Eddie or his little sheep, and Steve had just laughed. It hadn’t felt great. 

But after Vecna and the Upside Down and nearly being eaten alive by demonic hive mind bats, all that paled in comparison. Eddie keeps telling him that, keeps reassuring him that he’s a good guy, really, because if there’s one thing he can’t stand it’s the injustice of someone undervaluing themselves and letting the world grind them down. (That’s what’s killing the kids, after all.) And if Steve reassures him right back at every turn, well. . . . That’s a surprising bonus that he’s learning to hear right alongside him. 

-

Wayne stops him midway through grabbing his van keys to go pick up groceries. “What’s up with you, Ed?”

“Nothing,” Eddie fibs. “I’m just having a good day. You don’t want me to have a good day?”

Wayne raises an eyebrow. “Cut that sass. I ain’t saying you’re in a suspiciously good mood, but I am curious to know what’s made my favorite kid so happy lately.”

Favorite kid, ha. Only kid, in point of fact, and usually Eddie might remind him of that and get called a smartass. He wonders if his uncle has started thinking of Steve as part of the family already. 

. . . Oh that stirs up feelings he’s not sure he’s ready for—afraid to be too much for Steve when what they have is so new and fragile. They haven’t even seen each other naked yet, this is not the time to start doodling Mesrrs. Steve & Eddie Harrington-Munson with little black ink hearts around the words in his diary. 

As if Wayne can read his mind, the next question is, “You patch things up with Steve?”

Eddie can feel himself blushing, can feel the definitely stupid smile pushing its way onto his face. This is why he tries to put on a front of mean and scary as often as possible, but that has never, not once, worked at home. 

“I . . . might have,” he hedges. He doesn’t want to jinx it by saying anything. If it’s spoken into reality then it becomes solid, and solid things can break. Which will probably happen eventually, but he’d like to put that off as long as possible, thanks. At least long enough to get his mouth on more of Steve—

Wait, he shouldn’t daydream in front of Wayne.

Eddie tunes back in to find his uncle giving him an unimpressed stare, a faint uptick at the corner of Wayne’s non-smile that is definitely at his expense. “Well, good. ‘Bout time you boys got your heads outta your asses.”

It’s not until he pulls into the grocery store parking lot that Eddie realizes Wayne might have meant more than just talking—the fucker is perceptive when he wants to be. He just hopes Wayne doesn’t say anything to Steve. 

But he wouldn’t, right? No. No way. Where would they be without family loyalty?

[baronfulmen]

Why you should clear your brain’s cache and cookies

A Rant About Shrooms, AI Art, Trauma, and Appreciating Life

Hey look at this image.  You shouldn’t trust evolutionary psychology people because it’s often Just So Stories people make up, but that doesn’t mean we should throw out the baby with the bath water so let’s talk about the evolutionary importance of ✨PATTERN RECOGNITION ✨

Okay so the tiger in the picture above is trying to hide so it can eat us, and we’re trying to see it so we can avoid being eaten.  Great.  Cool.  That means there’s a VERY important part of our brains that has evolved to look at noisy images and play “find the tiger”.  (It works for non-visual stuff too, we’ll get to that.)

This is also how AI-generated art works, basically.  You give a computer some random static and then say “somewhere in this image is [insert prompt], find it” and it tries very hard to do so, like when you point out shapes in clouds to someone.

Our brains work via committee, so the part that’s doing that kind of pattern recognition and visual processing isn’t really any smarter than something like Google Deep Dream which you can hand a picture of some dude and say “FIND THE DOGS” and it’ll give you this:

People have compared images like the one above to being on shrooms and, having now taken shrooms for the first time I can say I get the comparison.  What’s important, though, is WHY this seems to be the case.  So far as I can tell (I’ll say this disclaimer once, I am some random dude on Tumblr and this is an anecdote, not scientific data - your experiences and brain chemistry may vary, do your research, I am not endorsing anything illegal, etc.) what happens on shrooms isn’t you being high, in the traditional sense.

Some drugs interfere with your perception and processing of the world.  That’s what I was expecting, and for a moment it’s what I thought I was getting.  But instead, I think what the shrooms did was delete my brain’s config file.

So now you’ve lost all the built up definitions and stored patterns, and you look at the walls and your brain no longer knows if there’s something important in all the detail.  Is there a tiger hiding in there?  WHO KNOWS!  And it takes all those little swirls and textures in the plaster or paint and starts over-processing all of it looking for patterns.  This means you don’t so much “come down” from being high, but finish re-calibrating.  At some point your brain is all, “Hey I’ve determined that’s just a normal texture for the ceiling to have, I’m not going to look that closely anymore”.

Okay but what does that have to do with trauma and appreciating life?

So glad you asked, hypothetical reader.

As I mentioned above, it’s not just visual stuff that we look for patterns in.  From an evolutionary standpoint it’s super valuable to be able to say “hey I ate that plant and then got sick, those are probably related and I shouldn’t eat that anymore”.  But there’s two big problems with that.  The first is that as with the visual processing that one part of your brain on its own isn’t smart.  It’s an algorithm, not an entire brain, so it fucks up sometimes.

I know a guy that couldn’t check his mail, because he’d been in really bad debt for a while and the fear of losing his home and the hounding by debt collectors  traumatized him so badly that his brain said “Man every time we look at the stuff that comes in the mail we get SO UPSET!  Better avoid looking at mail!” which meant when someone put envelopes down on top of the groceries (meaning he’d have to pick up what might be bills to get to the food) he found himself thinking “maybe I should just order pizza” even though he knew how stupid that was.  Trauma is a bitch, y’all.

The other thing is that sometimes the pattern was valid but is simply no longer useful.  The context has changed, and now it’s getting in the way rather than helping... but your brain doesn’t have a reset button.  Well, not a built-in one... but turns out this shit does the trick:

This is a PB&J&M sandwich I ate yesterday.  Ignore the chipped plate.  It made me feel kinda queasy all day, and at first I was disappointed.  I felt a little floaty and wobbly and things did start to look a little interesting, and I was having a nice time, but it wasn’t the mind-blowing experience I’d been hoping for.  And then the shrooms finished deleting all my stored patterns.

You know that stoner thing where they’re like “dude this cat is, like, so soft.  Why can’t we all just love each other and pet cats?” and you roll your eyes at them?  Yeah, well, the thing to know is that’s not them being stoned, that’s them seeing the world with a fresh perspective and realizing that, yeah, cats ARE soft and we don’t appreciate that enough and man why CAN’T we just relax and love each other?

In other words, it’s not distorting your perception - it’s resetting it.  You get to experience that wonder and joy of seeing things for the first time, and it’s lovely.  There are so many details that your brain files away as unimportant - it’s busy checking for tigers, who cares about appreciating the grass?  I had a great talk with my daughter (side disclaimer, she’s an adult and I was totally lucid by then and I cleared it with my designated babysitter first) and got to really see her as an adult for the first time.  Kids grow up a little at a time and it’s wild to be able to wipe out the “yeah, yeah, that’s your kid, you know what they look like” thing and SEE them, see how they’ve grown and what they really look like as a whole adult person.

I also realized I wasn’t being fair with her.  She’s had issues I won’t go into here, she’s done some dangerous or irresponsible shit like most kids have and I was still filled with parental anxiety about that and was viewing her through that filter.  What is she up to?  Is she acting squirrely?  She hasn’t been home for a few days and now she’s all manic, is she safe?  Is she fucking up?  Am I fucking up by letting her fuck up?

And with that filter erased, I could see... she’s a good kid.  She’s manic because she has ADHD and decided she doesn’t want to take meds.  She has some issues, but she’s an adult now and those aren’t my business anymore; those are now her adult issues that she can work on in her own time and her own way.  I can finally look at her as... not a peer, she’s still my kid, but as a complete adult person that I don’t need to fix and can just love and support.

It’s like Marie Kondo came into my brain and was like “hey does this pattern you’re viewing everything through spark joy?  No?  Okay let’s thank it for its service and send it on its way.”

And this is why people use shrooms to treat trauma.  I’m not saying it’s a magic cure-all, I’m not saying that it will work for everyone, but... man it’s pretty great to clear things out.  That sense of wonder and appreciation is already fading, but it’s not that the shrooms are wearing off - the wipe was an event not a condition - it’s just the normal process of my brain filing things away as “not a tiger” and ignoring them again.

It’s like those power washing videos.  You scour off the accumulated grime, and then the grime starts to build up again but at least you get it nice and clean for now and were reminded that, hey, that can look pretty nice.  I can see why people say not to do them too often, as wonderful as my experience was there just wouldn’t be a point in doing it again right away.  Maybe in a few months, who knows.

Final thoughts and warnings

I was queasy the whole day, longer than most people seem to experience.  It didn’t bother me much, I never felt like I was in danger of throwing up although I know people who have.  If you’re worried about it there are ways around that, it’s caused by the actual mushrooms rather than the active chemicals so you can (supposedly) make a sort of tea and strain out the actual mushroom bits. 

I tried watching some of those trippy videos, and that was a mistake.  There was too much visual stimulation and the disconnect of “wait it looks like we’re flying through a psychedelic landscape of fractals but it feels like we’re just sitting in a chair” made me feel antsy and uncomfortable.  Turns out it’s better to just look at something fairly boring and let your brain over-analyze it.

Have a babysitter.  My wonderful supportive wife was mine, and I ended up not needing one but frankly that might be my own strange brain.  I’ve always had a strong separation between the main “thinking” part of my brain and the rest, so there wasn’t really any chance I would mistake my altered state for normal life.  Better safe than sorry though, especially at first.

Do your research.  Don’t go for the highest dose you can in search of some crazy trip - the best thing is the mental refresh, not seeing the walls move.  I took 3.5g, just for reference.

Plan for it to take up your whole day AND to be kinda tired the day after.  Think of it like taking a sick day, you’re going to want to spend most of the time just laying back and dozing on the couch.

Be in a good mood, and a place that makes you feel good.  Lots of people suggest being out in nature, I can imagine that would be really nice.

Be extremely cautious when combining shrooms with other things.  Don’t do it on purpose - it’s not needed, I promise - and do your research if you’re on anti depressants because while it seems mostly safe there’s theoretically a chance of having a bad interaction like serotonin syndrome.  My own research has implied that’s probably not an actual concern but I’m just some guy on Tumblr and you shouldn’t trust me.

Don’t use drugs if you’re under 20, don’t do illegal stuff, don’t blame me if you fuck yourself up.  I will not under any circumstances assist anyone in obtaining shrooms.  All I’ll say is they’re legal in some places and if you don’t live in one of those places you’re on your own.  While they do grow naturally in some places, so do mushrooms that will fucking kill you - and it can be hard to tell the difference.  Don’t eat random mushrooms, ever.

[musingmelsuinesmelancholy]

This is gunna be a personal and ramble-y blog, fair warning! Really just using this as a means to organize my thoughts.

I started practicing traditional witchcraft at a weird time; right before it got popular (not that I’m special, I am Just Some Bitch) and everyone jumped on the “I hate Wiccans my witchcraft is so edgy and traditional ™️” bandwagon. I had been extremely new age prior; that summer I had stopped “practicing”. (I don’t consider what I was doing then Wicca or witchcraft) I was in a fragile state due to my (ex now) boyfriend raping me. (how’s that erectile dysfunction treating you Matthew?) I don’t know why, but l was Called via some rather visceral dream-vision experiences. I had no real knowledge, skills or abilities to allow me to understand what I was seeing nor why. I bought some books over tradcraft, I think treading the mill, a Cornish book of ways and a grimoire for modern cunning folk were my firsts, and they did help- but they also left me confused. I didn’t understand the ~current~ behind these various authors traditions. I didn’t understand how one could practice traditional witchcraft outside of Europe. The skills I was lacking, that I wanted to cultivate weren’t within the pages of those books. (GMDF DID go over technique/methodology more than the other two books I had but it wasn’t exactly what I needed)

I turned to tumblr for answers. (horrible fucking idea!) I did get some, some folks were able to answer some of my questions and i’ll always be grateful for their help. Overall it fucked me over, I kept comparing myself to popular bloggers with decades more experience than me. I didn’t participate in discourse but I definitely got swept up in it. “Ok so THIS is what trad witches do” “Oh no wait THIS is what they do” 🤦🏼‍♂️ I got so frustrated, so confused I allowed myself to halt my progression. I definitely bothered some bloggers, asked and said some S T U P I D things.

I think my being PDA autistic also contributed. My thinking is literal and dualistic, I struggle with executive dysfunction and I’m bad at talking to people/explaining myself. So I went from a very wishy washy paradigm to a very strict astringent one. Only I had no knowledge so I felt like I couldn’t and shouldn’t do anything until I’m researched enough. The problem with that is witchcraft is an action, it is the doing. It’s not the research. Results are nice but that’s not the witchcraft, the witchcraft is the performing of the spell. I went from believing that as long as I say sorry everything is fine; the gods/spirits won’t care to understanding that my mistakes and inconsistency do matter. So I thought that I had fucked up too badly and ruined any chance I had. The craft became a demand which triggered my ED and my flight/fight responses ( thank you PDA autism ). There was discourse at the time about disabled witches, you had more new age types saying the same shit about how anything goes/everything/anything is fine, you had more serious occultists saying no, it’s ableist to treat disabled occultists like babies. I agree with the latter, of course, but at the time rather than understanding that I had to work with/around my ED I just tried to power through it which just made me burnout. I thought this was laziness and again, that I had ruined my relationships with the spirits. I worried too much about mucking things up further or being “punished”.

Despite all that I was still experiencing very real, very tangible, very intense things. Seeing spirits- awake or dreaming, actual results from my spells, signs/omens/dreams. He continued to come to me- even answering questions, relieving anxieties/doubts. Yet still I returned again and again and again to tumblr. I should’ve continued on with what I was doing and deleted the app. Nobody but me and the spirits has answers for me, nobody could tell me what I was experiencing meant or what direction I was to go in. That’s for the spirits to tell me, that’s for me to figure out.

I’m in a better place now, I understand things better now. I’ve learned to work with my ED. I’m learning to be nuanced in my approach to things. I’m analyzing, digesting everything I’ve experienced- listening to Them now. I know where I’m headed…kinda- I am heeding Their direction.

My experiences may not be as consistently crazy or mind-blowing as they where those first few years but they don’t need to be. I was shown, I was told where to go. I’m finally listening, the signs are more subtle now but they’re there. They are there, still. I don’t know if I’ll “make it” (what even does that mean) as a witch. I’ll definitely never succeed if I continue on as I was prior, I need to push myself. To actually to The Thing.

[gurokichi]

Did I get excited and was about to cry because of something a dude I knew just a week ago said on Tumblr? Yes, I did, and I don't give a shit if I look weird because of that.

Really Bon, what you said was exactly what I need to "hear" (because, you know, I didn't exactly "hear" it, I read it, but you know what I mean).

Because, I need to be honest, everything in my life feels like shit these days, so, when you tell that sweet words, I couldn't help but want to cry, however, I didn't do that, and I don't know why.

I know that I just meet you a week ago but, you treated me so kindly and nicely that I couldn't stop myself for liking you (not in a romantic way, but more like in a friendly way), and with all of the shit that happened to me recently, well, it was obvious that I would start to want your attention and affection.

I'm not going to lie, I'm feeling a bit embarrassed right now, but, I wouldn't stop now, specially not now when I told you something so personal, and yeah I know I shouldn't trust people that easily (believe me, I know that for experience), but, I really want to trust you Bon, I really mean this.

But leaving aside my boring problems, I am very flattered that you want to use my “category idea”, seriously, no one ever seemed interested in "my way of doing things”, so I am happy to know that you are not only interested in it, but that you also want to use my “idea” :D

And I promise those tears were happy tears, i'm very happy to hear that you find me interesting, and.... You want to talk to me more? Wow, I didn't know you like me that much Bon, I didn't think that I was that important to you.

Sorry, I'm degrading myself again, but seriously, I didn't expect you to say something like "ignore whoever who calls you annoying or childish" and when you said that they were assholes? It really makes me laugh, but not a happy laugh, it was more like a ironic laugh, because, the person who start to say that about me was my "best friend" (however I don't know if he still considered me as his friend,but I'm sure he don't), so when I read that you call him indirectly and asshole, it makes laugh so much xd.

And now finally leaving that stupid vent I just drop, I just want to say that my battery is 12% now, but it doesn't going to stop me!

Now you give your consent.... I'm going to like ALL of your posts! (I'm glad you didn't find it weird though :p)

And I think that's all for now (unless I decided to write another ask after all my battery is charged, so bye Bon! :D

- Unnamed Anon (who's sorry for suddenly drop a stupid vent and probably ruined your mood)

YEAHHH, that’s the spirit! You shouldn’t care if others think about you negatively!!

I’m happy that what I said made you feel better. I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been having a rough time recently, but things will start to look up eventually. Your situation won’t be bad forever. I think it’s normal to want to be around people who help cheer you up when you’re going through things. Feel free to send me an ask any time, and I’ll happily give you my attention! <3

Ehehe, no need to be embarrassed. I don’t mind listening. I’ll do my best to keep your trust!

I think your idea is a good way to organize things, especially when there’s a bunch of characters and factions, so it’s hard to choose a favorite. It’s really smart to put them into categories like that!

Also, don’t apologize to me for putting yourself down; it’s not like you’ve done anything to me. Seems like quite the bad habit you’ve got there, though. You gotta work on that! The negative stuff you say about yourself is just untrue. You are worth so much, and I wish that you could see that too. Even with the info that it was your “best friend” who said that, I still think he’s an asshole. You should hang around people who value you. If someone is being mean to you, then they’re not a very good friend. You deserve better than that.

I’ll be looking forward to any future asks you may write! Also, your vent wasn’t stupid, and it didn’t ruin my mood. I genuinely did not mind reading it, and all I hope is that things get better for you soon! Your feelings are valid, no matter the reason for them.

[janeykath318]

Natasha Lends A Hand (Shieldshock)

“I thought you’d turned your accounts private,” Steve said, looking concerned and placing her phone on the end table out of her reach.

“I did, but thought it would be safe to check Tumblr. There’s people threatening to unalive themselves or burn all their Captain America gear if you marry me. They all hate me,” she sniffled. “I shouldn’t let it get to me, but it does.”

Steve sighed and repositioned himself so she was snuggled against him and wrapped his arm around her. Darcy sighed and laid her head on his shoulder.

“They’re just letting their bitterness and jealousy get to them. Block the hell out of them.”

“You bet I did. I guess no more social media for me until after the wedding,” she sighed. “Though how we’re going to pull that off without the angry mobs coming after me, I don’t know.”

“We’ll get through it. You’re the one I love and I get to spend my life with. Nothing will change that,” Steve reminded her softly, kissing the top of her head. “Shall I get the emergency ice cream?”

“You know me so well, babe,” Darcy sighed fondly. “Yes, please. I’m so grumpy, I don’t even care what kind it is.”

“I’ll get the big bowls, then,” Steve declared, extricating himself from the sofa and heading to the fridge.

Despite her irritation, Darcy took the opportunity to shamelessly ogle him from behind.

“Hate to see you go, love to watch you leave,” she crooned flirtatiously.

Steve chuckled as he dished up two heaping bowls of cookie dough ice cream.

“You’re ridiculous and I love it,” he responded, presenting her with her cold treat. Darcy gave him a thank you kiss before diving into her favorite comfort food.

Her mood cleared up and for a couple days, things were chill as rumors quieted down, but then an old photograph surfaced of Darcy leaving a bridal boutique and the furor was rekindled. Darcy deleted all social media apps from both of their phones and holed up in her apartment, calling Jane to inform her she’d have to work remotely for a bit.

The TV was no help either. Steve finally shut it off in disgust.

“I’m calling Natasha,” he finally declared. “This is out of hand.”

“I thought she was in New Zealand?” Darcy queried, trying not to sound too hopeful. She knew Nat would have useful tips for dealing with the crazy and would be there in a heartbeat if she could.

“Got back night before last,” Steve informed her. “She’ll keep the wolves at bay.”

“That she will,” Darcy agreed, flipping aimlessly through a bridal magazine. She’d long ago found her dress, but she loved looking at all the pretty styles and gleaning useful tips from the articles.

Sighing at a very romantic looking pose, she dog eared the page to add to her photo shoot ideas.

Two days later, Darcy found herself unceremoniously being hauled out to a waiting sports car by Natasha herself.

“Am I being kidnapped? Did I finally piss off Fury enough to have me disappeared?” she queried jokingly.

Natasha only smiled mysteriously.

“You’ll soon find out,” she teased evasively. “I assure you it is a good surprise. Now smile for the paps.”

Darcy blew a kiss to the gathered cameras and smirked as she left them in the dust.

“Where are we going?” she asked after they’d left the city well behind.

“Getting you married.”

“What?” Darcy spluttered. “Now? I mean, how?”

“I have my ways and several invested friends. We’re tired of seeing you and Steve so stressed and we’re going to give you a happy day with no paparazzi or snoops.”

“If you can accomplish that, my friend, you really are a miracle worker,” Darcy said, with a half sigh, half groan. “It’s a good thing I love that man as much as I do.”

“The fact that you’re not protesting speaks volumes,” Natasha observed. “And if I overstep in any way, please tell me.”

“You know I trust you, Nat,” Darcy assured her. “I bet you got me time off, packed my bags and my gown, and probably booked the officiant as well.”

“Pretty much.”

Darcy laughed and leaned back in the seat. A lot of decisions had just been taken out of her hands and for once she wasn’t mad about it.

Steve, meanwhile, was huddled in the backseat of an SUV being lovingly lectured by his friends.

“You should have said something sooner,” Bucky chided him. “We could have had this well in hand weeks ago.”

“Yeah,” Clint agreed from the driver’s seat. “I wish I’d paid more attention. I didn’t realize the press was hounding her so bad, the jackasses.”

“You guys have much bigger issues to deal with,” Steve protested. “I thought Darcy and I could handle it.”

Bucky gave him the stink eye and Sam sighed.

“The point is, Steve, you shouldn’t have to handle invasion of privacy and personal attacks. It’s not okay,” Sam told him. “Calling Nat was the right call. We’ll get you hitched in peace and quiet.”

The destination turned out to be a mansion in upstate New York with very tight security. Darcy’s eyes boggled as they drove through the gates.

“What kind of strings did you pull, Nat?” she asked in wonder, staring at the magnificent building.

“Never you mind,” Natasha replied. “Let’s just say someone owed me. There’s plenty of good options for either an indoor or outdoor ceremony. We’ll give you the grand tour tonight and have you saying I Do tomorrow. Then we’ll leave you alone to enjoy honeymoon bliss the rest of the week.”

“I like that plan!” Darcy agreed, cheerfully.

The two vehicles pulled up in front of the mansion and Steve and Darcy were handed their suitcases and ordered inside while their friends unloaded the other luggage. They gaped open- mouthed at the grandeur inside.

“That staircase is really something,” Steve admired. “The chandelier!” Darcy breathed in wonder. “I feel like I’m in the American version of Downton Abbey.”

“Yeah. Where’s Carson?” Steve joked with a chuckle.

Presently, Natasha swept in carrying the bag that contained Darcy’s dress.

“Follow me,” she ordered, “you too, Steve.”

Natasha assigned them to separate bedrooms, much to Darcy’s dismay, but assured her it was just for the one night, per tradition.

“I’ll be right next door,” Jane assured her. “We could turn this into a slumber party!”

Eyeing the gigantic four poster bed, Darcy certainly saw the potential.

Natasha hung up Darcy’s wedding dress in the spacious wardrobe and added another dress beside it.

“I brought your red dress along for dinner tonight, she informed her. “It’s a dressy occasion.”

Darcy just nodded, deciding to just roll with it.

The grand tour was one jaw dropping sight after another and Steve and Darcy decided that the lawn behind the mansion was perfect for a ceremony setting. It faced a beautiful row of pools and landscaped hedges that stretched out as far as the eye could see. The forecast looked good, but in case of inclement weather, they agreed on the enclosed porch for a backup.

Steve and Darcy lingered on the lawn, relishing the view and the peace. Darcy thought he looked more relaxed than she’d ever seen him. Steve was glad to see the tense lines and constant wariness erased from Darcy’s expression. She hadn’t deserved all the stress being with him had caused, but he was so grateful for her.

“I’m sorry I let it get to this, Darcy,” he sighed, holding her close. “You could have walked away from all the drama and I wouldn’t have blamed you.”

“I’m too stubborn to quit on us and I love you too damn much,” Darcy replied, looking up at him contentedly. “I won’t gonna lie, it’s been awful, but we’re worth it.”

“Yes, we are,” Steve agreed, kissing the top of her head. He loved how perfectly they fit together. “We have the best friends, don’t we?”

“Most of the time, yeah,” Darcy agreed.

Dinner was a happy affair and everyone looked incredibly gorgeous in their dressed up state. Natasha thought Darcy was positively glowing as she laughed and playfully argued with Clint about who had won an age old bet. Bucky eyed the bride and groom to be with a great deal of fondness and just a touch of wistfulness.

“I want what they have, don’t you?” he murmured to his table neighbor, Wanda.

“Yes,” Wanda sighed, smiling pensively. “They are so good for each other and so loyal through everything. That is a relationship to strive for.”

After dinner they went outside and stargazed while reminiscing about various escapades. Darcy and Steve shared the story of their meet cute again and the men took the opportunity to lovingly roast Steve.

Darcy went to bed after a very satisfying goodnight kiss, giddy at the thought that tomorrow she would be Mrs. Rogers.

Jane woke her with giddy impatience.

“Wake up! It’s your wedding day!”

“Ahhh!!” Darcy squealed, when she’d fully come to her senses. “It’s happening! It’s actually happening!!”

They clutched each other in an exuberant hug.

Natasha and Wanda joined them for a cozy ladies only breakfast, (Steve had been forbidden to see her before the ceremony), then they chilled out on the balcony for a while, champagne in hand.

They helped each other out with hair and makeup and Darcy could only stare in amazement at herself in the mirror as Natasha put the finishing touches on her updo.

“Wow! I look like a princess!” Darcy remarked, awestruck. “Nat, you’re a wizard. I should feel bad that my mom’s not here, but I can’t. She’d be throwing out the backhanded compliments like candy. Another benefit of eloping, I guess.”

“Truth,” Jane agreed. “They’ll have to settle for watching the video and pictures.”

“You got a photographer on this short notice?” Darcy asked, eyebrow lifting in surprise. “That’s quite a feat.”

“She’s pretty new to the business, but very talented,” Jane told her. “As soon as Natasha told me the plan, I called her: My wedding gift to you and Steve.”

“Jane. That’s……so sweet….I might just cry,” Darcy batted away tears and Wanda shook her head.

“No weeping and spoiling makeup yet, Darcy,” she commanded her. “Let’s get you into that beautiful dress….”

Everybody sighed in unison when Darcy unzipped the garment bag and revealed her beautiful gown. The strapless A-line design was covered with intricate beadwork on the bodice and lacy details on the skirt hem.

“Steve’s brain is gonna explode when he sees you,” Wanda commented, as they helped her into the dress.

“Not literally, I hope,” Darcy quipped. “I want him to live for our wedding night.”

She wiggled her eyebrows in a way that made Natasha chuckle and Jane wave her finger in playful rebuke.

Steve was sketching while he waited for his summons on the back balcony overlooking the garden. He hadn’t had this good of a view in a long time and his pencil flew across the paper as he drew. He supposed he should be feeling nervous, but he wasn’t. The flutters in his stomach were sheer excitement at finally marrying the woman he loved, a dream he’d thought long since died. But then Darcy had crashed into his life, quite literally, and nothing had been the same.

He felt a cool hand on his shoulder and Bucky spoke up.

“Nice to see you drawing again, punk,” he said. “Calming the nerves?”

Steve shook his head.

“I’m distracting myself from breaking Nat’s rule and running to see Darcy. I can’t wait. Are you and Sam behaving?”

“Us? Misbehave? Where’d you ever get that notion?” Bucky asked, feigning shock. Steve just chuckled.

“Only whenever you’re left alone for more than five minutes,” he retorted. “Kinda like me getting into fights, only now the tables have turned.”

Bucky shrugged sheepishly.

“You’ve got me there.”

A figure joined them a few minutes later and both men stared as they took in Natasha, looking beautiful in her light aqua bridesmaids dress, red hair curled and spilling down her back. Steve saw Bucky swallow hard.

“Fifteen minutes, gentlemen,” she told them, returning their admiring glances, her eyes lingering on Bucky. “Damn. You clean up good, boys.”

“So do you,” Bucky replied in a strangled sounding voice.

Steve grinned. He couldn’t wait to help these two get a clue.

“You’ve got it bad, Buck,” Steve observed sympathetically after Natasha had disappeared.

“No…..aw, hell.” Bucky muttered, unable to lie to his best friend. “But She thinks love’s for children. What’s the point?”

Steve sighed.

“The point is, she’s had everyone she cared about ripped away and The Red Room philosophies were deeply ingrained in her. Believe it or not, I haven’t heard her utter those words in nearly two years. And clearly, she now believes in love enough to make sure I didn’t screw things up with Darcy and then gave us this…..” he gestured toward their surroundings as he flipped his notebook closed and stood up. “You’re about to witness firsthand how taking a chance is absolutely worth it. And this is coming from someone who’s known to be hopeless with women.”

Steve grinned at Bucky, who smiled knowingly back and stood to give him a man hug.

“I wouldn’t miss this miraculous moment for the world,” Bucky declared, with another affectionate thump on the back. “Now let’s go get you married.”

There were no decorations or aisle runners or musical accompaniments, but Darcy found herself not missing any of it. She simply waited until she’d seen the bridesmaids and groomsmen line up in front of the officiant—was that Agent IPod Thief?—and strolled outside to join them, escorted by Clint. (Thor was sadly unavailable, being busy with Asgardian stuff, but he’d sent Darcy a very congratulatory text message in all capital letters).

The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and Steve was looking at her like she was his entire world. The harassment that she’d been dealing with from social media and the press faded away in the reality of their happiness.

The jealous bitches can suck it! she thought gleefully.

Agent Coulson (How was he not dead?) looked exceedingly pleased to be overseeing the wedding of his childhood idol. It was kind of cute, Darcy observed vaguely, before Steve distracted her by winking flirtatiously at her.

“Yes, I do take this fine specimen of man to be my husband,” she proclaimed, when prompted. Steve’s ears reddened and Sam snickered.

“…..to love, honor, and cherish, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, through alien attacks and allergy attacks, through portals and peril, through midnight snacks and cuddles, until death do us part.”

“Awwwww….” Wanda sighed.

Steve squeezed Darcy’s hands, looking like he wanted to kiss her right then and there.

“I take this amazing, beautiful, fearless woman to be my wife, to love, honor, and cherish in sickness and in health, through alien attacks and allergy attacks, through tasers and tesseracts, through slow dances and silliness, until death do us part.”

They’d gone off script, but clearly their friends appreciated it and applauded their ad-libbing.

“That was impressive,” Bucky murmured, as he handed Steve Darcy’s ring.

She gave him another one of those glowy smiles as he slipped it on her finger. He couldn’t get over how beautiful she was and how lucky he was.

Darcy slid Steve’s ring on with a dramatic flourish and then they were pronounced husband and wife and he was kissing her exuberantly.

Everyone cheered.

Afterward, as they meandered through the gardens, hand in hand, Darcy told him, “Today was a fairytale. This was so much better than the big shindig I used to imagine.”

“You’re not upset about not having the big party we talked about?” he asked, fingering one of the dangling curls by her cheek.

“No,” she told him. “It felt so right. So us.”

“It did,” he agreed. “You look completely radiant, Mrs. Rogers.”

Darcy flushed at his warm words.

“If you keep using that tone with me I’m not gonna be able to control myself,” she playfully warned, running her hand up his chest. Steve in a tux was a very impressive sight and she felt a strong urge to climb him like a tree.

“I’ve dreamed of this ever since I crashed into you in the hallway that first time,” she admitted, feeling his heartbeat beneath her fingers.

“Groping me or marrying me?” he asked in amusement.

“Yes,” she answered mischievously, making her new husband laugh and then kiss her again. When she’d finally regained her senses afterwards, she saw a very pleasing sight.

“Oh, look, babe, looks like Bucky’s getting cozy with Nat over there.”

Steve followed her gaze to see Bucky walking alongside Natasha very closely. He said something that made her throw back her head and laugh in a way that she very rarely did.

“Now that’s what I like to see,” he murmured.

“Right?” Darcy exclaimed. “I ship it so hard! They deserve it so much.”

“They do,” Steve agreed. “I hope they realize that. She spent so much time trying to find me a wife and now the shoe’s gonna be on the other foot.”

He rubbed his hands together, very ready to help the BuckyNat ship sail.

“First order of business when we get back from our honeymoon,” Darcy declared. “In the meantime, how about we sneak inside and find a handy closet where I can ravish you?”

“Much as I like that idea, you’d better make sure you’re done with pictures first, because when I get through with you…..” Steve playfully threatened, dropping his voice intentionally. Darcy gulped.

“Right. Good point. Excellent point,” she rambled, fanning herself. “We should probably quickly round up everyone for a group picture. I’ll go get Jane.”

She picked up her skirts and scurried off, leaving Steve to smirk after her and then head to round up his friends. This newlywed thing was going to be fun, he thought.

[nothanks98765]

Hi I'm so sorry I looked up and down your blog for any kind of rules and didn't find anything. I wanted to ask about the tarot reading. Been feeling mellow recently and need to hear some good news, anything nice coming in the next year and a half for me? Lmk if something is wrong with my ask. Ty for your time 🙏🍦

You are so absolutely sweet and kind to check out and see if I had any rules or anything- I really appreciate it 🫶 tbh- I’ve had a great experience reading for people on tumblr I think this community is do special and considerate. I love doing tarot readings so much, it feels like a vocation for me. I am so grateful you are open to a reading from me and I’m excited about your question!

Often times when I do a “big” reading about a serious situation I pull a card for good news or advice from spirit. I think its so important to anchor ourselves that way and right away I was drawn to your ask 💖

Lets get into it 🎉🙌🍾

I pulled a set of cards for your goodnews over the next year:

Justice Reversed, Three of Pentacles and the Ten of Swords Reversed.

To be honest- theres lots of good news in this cards but it didnt have the ✨ i was hoping so i pulled one more like let us know what we are looking forward too!!!!

and- Page of Cups!

I’ll start with the original grouping. Out of curiosity- were you in a legal situation of any kind? Okay just bold honesty- it looks like you got away with something. What is unclear. There is an unfair situation that you benefited from. Something maybe went your way that shouldn’t have. It’s important to not lean into this energy too much. The justice card does not play around, you don’t want to be in her sights if you escaped her wrath. If you encounter any legal trouble specifically or if you encounter for instance- someone cheating you out of something or treating you poorly- it looks like the scales of justice will swing wildly in your favor. My advice is cash out and don’t try to get lucky twice.

The three of pentacles!! Okay!! Looks like you will join a team of some sort- it isn’t a friendship and it’s not necessarily work. I wonder if this is a club of some kind. It’ll bolster your leadership skills and give you something to present in the future.

That ten of swords card is absolutely brutal babe- BUT YOU GOT IT IN REVERSE WHOOO. I cannot imagine what a terrible situation you were in that your good news is “it’s over” 😭. I hope you are doing okay. But from a tarot perspective- you went through some shit. betrayal specifically and felt beaten down. But it’s so in the past. All of it is falling away, you are healing. The sun has set on that period and you are born anew. You get to do something completely different and be completely different. I’m happy for you!

These cards are very intense- Especially for a good news reading. They are good but it’s a bit tricky because it indicates a lot of change and a very full plate your upcoming year. A lot of personalities around you, a lot of choices you have to make. Just keep in mind that being true to yourself will always work in your favor.

Page of cups! an incredible good news card. It has many meanings and it means many blessings. There is someone new you fall in love with. In my experience it usually indicates a child of some sort. A niece or nephew or baby cousin. This was pulled for something good so I could see it being a new addition to the family. In love readings it means a big flirt, very playful energy (non committal) if you think this represents more of a love then I could see a sweet fling for this as well. It’s always hard to say w just one card.

I hope you enjoyed this reading and I hope you enjoy all your good luck, success, and new addition to your life in whatever form 💖

[theyellowroseofsodor]

Welcome to The Yellow Rose of Sodor

Hello all, all hello! Welcome to the official tumblr for The Yellow Rose of Sodor, a work of fiction created by yours truly (Kamiko!). Although you won’t find much art here to begin with, as I am but a humble writer and my skills with the artistic pen are so-so, here there will be fun prompts and asks for the characters of the series. I will try my utmost to keep up with everything and no one will be OOC to the absolute best of my abilities. Here you can also ask Camille (my OC and lead female for the fic) and the other members of the steam team questions as well! 

Let me premise with I am a young adult (cries in turning 30 this year) and there will be some adult content here. I will not be posting anything graphic or considered NSFW, nor will anything like that be given a dignified response in the asks. I will be treating these characters just like how I would want to be treated. That means any questions about their more intimate relationship will be met with the following statement: “Epic and private” 

With that out of the way, I hope you enjoy your stay and feel free to stop by anytime! 

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A few questions I felt might be asked: 

Who’s my favorite character(s)?  Gordon and Henry are my top two. But I also love Donald, Douglas, Edward, James, and Paxton.

What got you into this fandom?  Funny story! I LOVED Thomas as a kid and my dad worked and retired from Union Pacific many years ago, growing up, I was around trains. Trains are awesome. I LOVE them, they are such an awesome symbol of our history and are just pretty freaking cool machines/engines. So, when I had kids of my own, I introduced them to Thomas, discovered it had gotten a CGI revamp while I was off being a preteen/teenager/young adult and I was like “WHOA! This is freaking exciting and cool!” So, I came back!  

How come you like Gordon so much?  Well.... that’s a whole question with a big honking answer that I currently don’t have the time to answer. I think it’s because Gordon has the most story and the most to offer, besides his charming personality and voice (they had no right to make him that attractive). Thomas is just a cheeky character and yes, the show is named after him, but all we know are his adventures that happen day-to-day. Gordon, we know, has a family and he’s lost a lot of that family. He has a brother that’s younger and famous and Gordon kind of has to live in that shadow and also get over his own jealousy. Technically, he was a prototype and wasn’t supposed to really stay on the line, yet here he is. He’s literally the symbol of strength and endurance. He’s here when he really shouldn’t and despite all odds is still rocking it. (That is until he was destroyed via All Engine’s Go along with everything else good in the world) 

What universe will you be focusing on?  So, from my basic understanding (I’m pretty new back in this fandom) there’s the original TV show that used the models, there’s the books, and there’s the CGI era. I really like the original TV show but I’m also living for the CGI era. I love the books too and I will be pulling from all three, but technically I’m mainly sticking with CGI. 

How does the magic/shifting work?  In my headcanon world, the magic to shift between engine and human was given by Lady to all the engines as she saw that many were being scrapped for no good reason as ‘better’ engines were being built. I couldn’t imagine, as a God, watching creations you love and cherish be thrown away, disposed of, torn apart, and burned (possibly alive), and not stepping in. So, that’s what I’ve done.  Newer engines have the ability to shapeshift and it comes just as naturally as foals/calves/kids/etc with the ability to stand and run within hours. The older ones, like the Steam Team, had to learn on their own and it originally happened one morning without them even realizing it had happened and scared the crap out of em. Now, they do it easily and when they want. 

Do the engines have rights? Can they vote? Do they earn wages?  So, I don’t want to get political in my fanfic (there’s enough drama in the world now that I really don’t want that in something I enjoy). Engines still have that deep rooted desire to be “really useful”. They want to work, they enjoy working! Getting involved in human political issues is just something they would rather stay out of. I like to think they coexist with the rest of us just like the other creatures we share this world with. If I’m being honest though, I think whatever rights an engine has, has to do with where they’re working and where in the world they are, just like everyone else. As for Sodor and the engines in this world, Sir Topham Hatt takes very good care of his engines and they’re treated like people.   As for the wages question, again, they’re still engines and don’t really understand the concept or want to understand the concept of money. They understand it for humans but they’re happy just existing. That doesn’t mean that they can’t have cool things. You’ll notice each engine has a cell phone and that’s just part of the times! It’s easier to keep up with one another on an island that way and helps out a lot. Camille has a Nintendo Switch and the others get the gaming console from Sir Topham Hatt and the others for Christmas.  Think of them like dogs but not in a rude way. They exist with us but are on a higher plane of happiness. 

Why do you have them written so young?  As long as an engine is cared for and not neglected they will look young. It’s LOTR elf rules with a small twist. They can live forever and not age. Also, have you watched the show? Edward is over 100 at this point and he still looks like he’s in his 20s/30s. Plus, there’s hints throughout the show of them acting like young adults/teenagers. Like the episode “Pouty James” where he’s called a “young steam engine” by Sir Topham Hatt much like a parent would say to their teenager “Young man” when they’re in trouble. He’s also said “steam engines these days” just like “teenagers these days”. 

Can engines get married? Are Gordon and Camille gonna get married?  Again, depends on where they’re living and if the people accept that sort of thing. Most engines just straight up don’t care. If they love another engine and want to dedicate their life to that engine, then by golly they’re gonna say they’re married or whathaveyou whether the human population likes it or not.  As for Gordon and Camille you’ll have just have to read to find out 😉 

Do they bleed/what happens when they get hurt?  I’m with @asktrio516 on this and I think that they would bleed like us, seeing as they have the ability to cry or taste, etc, but it would be a darker blood.  Injuries in their human form will translate to their engine form as well. Some injuries may be healed easier in their human form depending on part availability or how busy things are and vice versa. A serious injury in their human form may be much smaller in their engine form, or easier fixed. Just depends. 

How do they shapeshift without being naked next?  Mystique rules! They can shift the clothing onto themselves. Also anything like a cell phone or a watch or memento will also disappear with the magic dust when they shift into engines and reappear when human. Because magic, don’t ask me to explain further. 

Will there be art here?  Maybe eventually. I mean, I did buy an iPad and I'm still waiting for it. Alaska shipping is so slow. So, when it gets here and I start practicing maybe I'll be brave enough to post. 

Fanfiction List

To read the Yellow Rose of Sodor you can either go here or read it on here as I post (which will be slower, but hey, it'll all get here eventually)

The Yellow Rose of Sodor:

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

The Yellow Rose of Sodor Shorts (coming soon)