#i am oh so very angry recently and i am writing like i'm back in sophomore year but. oh well

[dairy-farmer]

Pretty sure I'm the anon who sent the 'Tim wearing people's merch and sometimes fucking that same person while doing it' ask awhile back. (I say pretty sure because, while I have started keeping track of the things I sent you when I started sending you a lot, I didn't at that point and Tumblr doesn't keep track of anonymous asks you send apparently 😑. But it definitely looks like my writing style and lt felt familiar when I saw it. If it was actually someone else's all I can say is Ope.)

Anyway!

Tim also uses the wearing of merch to signal his displeasure with certain family members i.e. by very pointedly not wearing their things. This punishment only works because his family is a bunch of creepers who have cameras and microphones in his bedroom (just for security! They definitely don't use it to watch Tim sleep or masturbate or fuck! Why would you ask that? Shut up! What were you doing at the devil's sacrament, Goodie Proctor?!) So of course this means that someone is usually watching Tim get dressed and luckily the bats gossip like old women so whoever is watching on at a given time will immediately share important things with everyone else.

Well, if you made Tim upset recently? It's not just that he won't wear your merch, oh no no - it's not as if Tim only wears the merch of someone he's particularly happy with or interested in on a given day, sometimes he just really wants to wear his Impulse t-shirt! No instead, to make sure his displeasure is known and that it's clear he isn't just wearing someone else's merch, but specifically not wearing yours, Tim will make a show of not choosing someone's stuff.

Bruce being particularly stubborn and not listening to Tim's advice? Tim holds up a pair of Batman pajama pants and turns his head dismissively while dropping them back into the drawer. Jason insults his choice on family movie night? Tim takes his Red Hood hoodie and pointedly drops it in the dirty laundry basket, even though he didn't wear it recently. Damian is being particularly rude lately? His Robin 4 novelty watch is shown to the cameras and deliberately put in the back a drawer. Dick won't stop smothering him after a very minor injury (I literally just sprained my ankle, Dick, I didn't break a leg 😑)? Takes his favorite Nightwing blanket off his bed and just kicks it into a corner before pointedly putting his newest Signal blanket down instead.

It's honestly a great system, because it means Tim can show he's upset with someone without *shudder* talking about his feelings, and it doesn't even take any real effort - no shouting or arguing or cold shoulders! And to show when he's forgiven the person he's annoyed with without 'rewarding' them by wearing their things immediately (yes, I am no longer mad at you. But you haven't done anything to earn me wearing your things again)? He will drink his coffee out of your themed mug (most of his mugs are novelty ones with silly little phrases, and he only uses the hero themed ones for this reason specifically).

One day, he is just so very pissed at everyone - mission went off the rails because they didn't listen to his plan or there was a big family event planned but everyone canceled or something- that he comes down to breakfast already dressed in a suit, even though he doesn't have any WE business that day. (This causes mixed feelings in everyone because, while it sucks that Tim is upset with everyone, he looks really really hot in that suit and since he never wears them outside of business meetings and galas, it has a similar effect on them that seeing Tim in, like, lingerie would. Honestly, that probably does make it an even better punishment because Tim looks extra hot today but definitely isn't going to fuck any of them anytime soon: Tim may be a slut, but he's also petty and stubborn ❤️)

tim punishing anyone who makes him angry by making a point to NOT wear their merch and when they all manage to piss him off refusing to wear anything but his suit which he KNOWs they all love seeing him in so he's punishing them twice as much- first by not wearing their merch and then by wearing his suit❤️

[lunaloveskpop23]

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Non Idol - Mingi x reader

Summary: The reader has a group of friends who she thought she could trust, but they have started to leave her out of things and become rude to her. What happens when the man her friend Avery likes starts becoming closer to her and helps her not feel lonely with his friend group?

Warning: cussing, angst...lots of it.

Genre: angst. fluff.

*PLEASE DO NOT STEAL MY WORK*

*THIS IS PURELY FICTION*

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Y/N's POV:

"Why did you write about anime guys as your essay?" I ask.

"Because it was the only thing I could think about and besides, I got an A! I'll take it!" Lauren says sipping her coffee.

I giggle.

"Fair enou-"

"OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS!! GUESS WHAT?!" Avery runs in and says to us.

"What?" We both said at the same time.

"Mingi looked at me!" Avey squeals.

It took everything for me not to roll my eyes. I smile and I nod. My friend Avery has always loved Mingi. The infamous bad boy of our college. He is a part of the group Ateez who is infamous of many things.

Hongjoong, the leader who gets jealous easily. Seonghwa, his right hand who is a man who is very fashionable and is genderless about his clothing. Yeosang, a ballet dance major who can make people fall in love with just one look. Yunho, a dance major who is scary when you make him angry.

Wooyoung, the most flirtatious one of them all and is dating San. San, the one is who starts the most fights and dating Wooyoung. Jongho, the man who is the strongest and has the most powerful singing voice. Last but not least, Mingi, the mysterious man who people say flirts more than crazy, but he is also the quiet one of the group.

They are the infamous group who rides motorcycles to college. Everyone knows who they are.

Back to Avery and my friend group. Me, Lauren, Rachel, and Avery have been friends for a little while. Avery and Lauren act like girlfriends, but they are best friends. Rachel is the one I'm close to, but recently she has been ignoring my text and not hanging out with me. I'm starting to worry.

Anyway, back to the point at hand.

"Oh my God he did! I knew he liked you!" Lauren teases and tries to boost her ego.

I sip my drink in silence and I look at them.

"Well, one day I'll get his number!" Avery says.

"How do you know that?" I ask.

"Well, I am a catch, and besides he's mine! He's been mine for 2 years."

I nod, but I don't agree with her. She has been way too possessive of Mingi for no reason. I do not know why she is so possessive over him when he isn't even hers.

"So what are you going to do now, Avery? Ask him out? Talk to him?" Lauren says.

"Neither. He should come to me." Avery says.

"Wait, you haven't even said hi to him?" I ask.

"Um no I haven't. Like is that a problem to you?" She says giving me attitude.

I get quiet and I finish my drink. I get up and I leave the table. This isn't the first time Avery has gotten angry at me. I was joking with her at one point saying how cute Mingi is in a hoodie and she flipped out on me. Then we talked about a group that we both like and I said how cute a member is and she got possessive and told me to pick another member.

I swear she gets on my nerves. How can she be so selfish? As I walk to my dorm room, I hear motorcycles pass by and I see the group Ateez. I blush and look.

They were all smiling and riding their motorcycles without a care in the world. They ride past me and I see Mingi and he looks at me and smiles at me. I blush as he rides away.

Wait why was I blushing? I can't be blushing over Mingi. Avery loves him. I shake my head and walk to my dorm.

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I sit on Rachel's couch and sip my drink. Music is playing in the background and Lauren and Avery are talking to each other. Rachel is talking to Autumn the person who she is replacing me with.

Oh btw yeah Rachel is hanging out with Autumn more and I am here at a Valentine's Day party at Rachel's place. Lonely. So lonely that even my friends ignoring me. I just sigh and nod a long to the music.

"Hey! Why don't we play trivia?!"

"Ohhhh yeah! Lets go!" Lauren says.

They get kpop trivia ready and Lauren and Avery basically cheat together and it goes on for 30 minutes.

"That's Han!" Avery yells.

"That's Jimin!" Lauren yell.

"That's Jak-"

"HOW IS THIS FUCKING FAIR?!" I snapped. I was getting sick of them cheating and not letting anyone else answer.

They get quiet and get mad at me. They decided to order a Uber and leave. I sit there starting to feel bad and I get up and walk out the door with my stuff.

"Y/N wai-" I run off outside and start crying. It starts to rain on me. Oh great! Totally what I needed.

I hear motorcycles and I look to see Ateez coming my way. I sniffle and see them stop in front of me.

"Ma'am, are you alright?" I hear Hongjoong ask me.

"Oh um.....no.." I say shaking my head.

They look at each other. Mingi gets up and puts his helmet and jacket on me.

"Come on. We are getting burgers if you want to tag a long." He asks me.

I blush.

"I would like that." I nod and he sits on his motorcycle and I walk and get on the back of the motorcycle. I hold onto Mingi as he drives off.

I hold on a bit tight and he laughs.

"Never been on one before?" He teases.

"No!" I blush.

He giggles and drives. We get to the burger place and I get off. I take my helmet off and give it to him. He puts it away. I try to take the jacket off.

"Oh keep it. I don't mind." He says.

"Oh. Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I don't mind at all." He walks up to the front door and I run behind him. He holds the door open for me. I blush and walk in. They all sit in a seat and I sit next to Yeosang and Mingi.

"You're Y/N, right?" Wooyoung asks.

"Wait, how do you know my name?" I ask.

"We have the same English class. Ms. Wright, Gender and Language." He says.

"Oh my god that's right! We do have the same class." I say.

"I sit in the back, but I do like that class. She always answers a question, well besides yesterday's class."

I blush.

"Oh um yeah....I had a headache." I didn't want to say what i was actually dealing with.

"Oh ok." He says and the guys look at me. I think they don't believe me. I look at the menu trying to change the subject.

"Oh, they have bacon burger with nugget combo," I say.

"Oh, where?!" I hear Seonghwa say.

I sigh and look up. I still feel eyes on me. I turn and see Mingi staring at me. I blush and look away.

*the waiter came and took our order. the order came fast and we are currently eating.*

They were telling me stories. From the stories they were telling me, it felt like some of the rumors were fake. They are all nerds who are clumsy and funny.

"So then, Yunho is drunk and told Wooyoung, "YOU NEARLY KISSED ME! Then Woo said, "SO!" and kissed his cheek."

I started to laugh. Yunho looked embarrassed.

"Why did you kiss my cheek, Woo?" He asks Wooyoung.

"Because I can," Wooyoung says confidently.

San pulls him closer out of jealousy.

"Oh do not get jealous love. You know, I like making you jealous." He scratches his chin playfully.

I blush as they flirt with each other. I can see that rumor is true.

"Oh don't mind them, Y/N. They are always like that." Seonghwa says.

"Oh, I don't mind. I'm bi myself." I tell them.

"Oh, so cool! We are all bi too!" Hongjoong says.

I smile and I get a text. I look and see 30 messages from Rachel and 10 from Lauren. I sigh sadly and set my phone down.

"What is it?" Mingi asks.

"Oh just some friends...." I say sadly.

"Then why are you talking in a sad voice?" Yeosang asks.

I get quiet.

"Yeosang, you are not supposed to ask." Seonghwa hisses at him.

"No, it's ok. Um.....lately it's been like they have been ignoring me and starting to leave me out of things. So it feels like I don't even matter to them anymore and then two went to an event they knew I would like to go to. One of them said they weren't going to do anything that day, but then I say their story and they lied to me. Then they just..." I was rambling and I didn't notice but I started crying.

"Hey hey shhhhhh." Seonghwa says taking my hands and Yeosang rubs my back.

"You don't have to finish if you don't want to," San says softly.

Mingi grabs my hand gently and rubs it. I blush and nod.

"They don't sound like real friends." Hongjoong says.

They all nod and look at me.

"What is worse is that I have done a lot for them.....I gave pcs of kpop groups. Do you know how expensive those are?"

"Oh i know, do you know how many Jongho has gotten?" San says.

"Hey! Kpop is great and I know exactly what you mean, Y/N. Those people are not your friends. I'm sorry that you are dealing with that." Jongho says.

I sniffle.

"Now stop crying and I'll order you some dessert." Mingi says. I look at him and he smiles. I smile as well.

"Hey no fair! You're ordering dessert for her because you lik-" Wooyoung says and San covers his mouth.

"We are going to leave. It was nice meeting you, Y/N." San and Wooyoung leave.

"We'll leave too." Hongjoong says talking about him and Seonghwa. They both put money down on the table for the bill.

"Here, put your number in my phone. We can be your friends." Seonghwa says sweetly to me. I smile and put my number in his phone.

He smiles and leaves. Hongjoong takes his hand and kisses it. I blush. Oh, they are dating too? So cute.

"We'll leave too," Jongho says about him, Yunho, and Yeosang. They put money on the table and Yeosang waves bye to me. I smile and wave back.

They leave and I blush as I notice that I am with Mingi.

"You can order any dessert. I don't mind. I'm paying for you anyway."

"Oh um then can i get a brownie?" I ask.

He smiles and nod. He orders it and we talk more. I finish the food and he pays the bill with his money and the money on the table. We walk outside and he takes me to my dorm.

"Thank you. I really appreciate everything you guys did." I tell him.

"of course. Well um....." he rubs his neck.

"What is it?"

"I was wondering if you.....wanted to get some lunch sometime.." Mingi asks.

"Oh." I blush. I think back to Avery.

"Sure. I would love too. But um....one of my friends likes you..."

"Avery I'm guessing." He says.

I look at him with wide eyes.

"How do you know that?"

"It's obvious and people have been spreading it around and I don't really like her like that. I also heard shes a little possessive and obsessed. I am not going to date her. And besides she's not the one I like."

"Oh? Um well, who do you like?" I ask.

"The one who I am picking up after class tomorrow around 12." He winks and walks away.

I blush and look at him.

"Me?!"

He smiles and blushes. He winks and drives away. Holy shit. Me?! Oh Avery will not be happy......but damn....he is cute....

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Hi my pookies! I hope you all enjoyed the story. My next part of stories will be Halloweenish and supernatural stories. I am so excited to start doing them and post them. I hope everyone has a wonderful day!! I might make a part two of a few of my stories. If you guys want a part two just let me know!!!

- Luna 🩷💜

[maul-of-shame]

Acolyte spoilers ep 5:

Okay so salty take about the Acolyte, episode 5 now that it has simmered for a bit. I'm still a salty grieving bish X'D

With the recent episode being this cruel, brutal, sadistic and completely unecessary (give fanfics writers 5 minutes and you'll get 15 alternatives avoiding this plot mess), only backed up by two arguments from Leslye being "But Anakin did it too" and "I told it to everyone and no one stopped me", I genuinely hope this ep was like a pollen induced hallucination, dream, nightmare, or something like that.

I have one last thread of hope this isn't like a "fixed" plot point.

I love the Acolyte, I've been loving it since the start, the costumes, the cast, the plots and subplots, the fights, the characters... This feels like a betrayal.

I know Star Wars knows how to make us care for characters (hell I'm a Clone Wars girlie I just KNOW) to take them away from us but those two, Yord and Jecki, there was no actual REASON or plot point "good enough" for this to happen.

This was made to be sadistic. To be cruel. To "show us the cruelty of the Sith" but this coud have been done so many other ways.

And the fact she only backed it up with "But Anakin did it" and "No one stopped me" when she explained it... Ma'am.

Put on the brakes.

First of, this was NOTHING like Anakin's situation. Period. I don't care if you hate Anakin, Anakin never ENJOYED killing the younglings. Qimir was being sadistic, Skyguy WASN'T.

Secondly, if no one stops you, does it mean you're allowed to do whatever the Force you want? If no one stopped you from jumping into the ocean, if no one stopped you from running after a bear, if no one stopped you from ANYTHING... Would you still do it, knowing it's dangerous ?

What kind of answer, genuinely, is this???

"Oh no one stopped me from setting fire to that bus stop so ahah the others are guilty" like no??? Take some accountability for this. You made choices, then stand by them.

Admit those were yours.

I'm gonna watch next ep, episode 6 HOPING AND PRAYING this is just an hallucination/dream/nightmare from one of the character and if it isn't and keep going, I'll just stop watching.

I'm already writing fix-it fics, I'm sure some you peeps are too.

Leslye doesn't deserve bullying. Neither does the cast. And this isn't bullying.

This is constructive criticism about a series with so much potential and a plot point that can (and probably has) let down fans. This could have been followed up with so MANY alternatives, way less brutal, way less sadistic but she chose that.

I am genuinely heartbroken for the actors. They poured their entire beings into it, showed their talents, their personalities and for fuck's sake, we do LOVE THEM. From Yord to Jecki, to Osha and Sol, Bazil, Mae, the Witches... I feel so bad for them.

This plot point was just made for shock value, to be cruel. This doesn't bring anything to the plot. This is why it's making me angry.

And do not get me started about the fact they showed very little emotions when it came to the deaths (Osha felt Jecki's briefly, Sol reacted as expected, but Osha showing no emotions for Yord's when they've been friends and padawans training together for YEARS??), their bodies being left in that damn forest to rot,...

This episode was heartbreaking. It really was. I really hope she makes me bite back my tongue and this is like a nightmare/hallucination thingy... I really do...

[shreddeddescent]

Oh don't apologize about writing this, we are literally reading it too! I find the story interesting and like, yeah it is fucked up, but I'm having fun reading it too 💪💪💪

Also, how does Mikey feel about all this? I was thinking about that because he likes to deny the has 'adult problems' like you said, so I am really wondering about how he's dealing with all that is happening

🌠👾

ughhhh god...... the mikey can of worms about this specifically is exactly what that was about and whats been really tough to talk about. like this specific scene was what i had to get up and walk away from cuz it was painful.

he's not okay. he also doesnt care about it, cuz hes like... ugh you know what. i think i should actually just share this whole thing i wrote about it. this one is rough. nothing graphic, but if you wanna see how fucking not okay this kid is despite how much he's pretending he can be? yeah. hes gonna talk about his bullshit for the first time ever, and something bad had happened to mikey before. and he doesnt even know what.

which is like where i think the whole climax of this arch is going in my head. i havent written it all out yet. im being tugged along on a journey, yknow.

warnings for csa and incest and like. very poor coping mechanisms. all of it this one hurt me personally the most in the end.

theres some implications of things going on in the background, cuz at this exact moment none of the characters have been coping well hence the fucking.... need for these adults. raph needed to be alone to spiral about the 3 kids by himself, leo needed to be put to bed (by mikey) cuz he got way too high after realizing how much he'd been personally juggling everybody else, and donnie wont mind his buisness about anything, mikey had a go at him about it which resulted in him trying to help mikey with his current 'im having traumatic sex dreams' problem. but donnie is the same age and wasnt gonna be able to help much.

if any of it sounds confusing im sorry. id try and do a whole. fic thing about it but i really dont know if i can. whats important here is the mikey part. cuz this is where it all came to a head.

also mentions of lita, whos raph's little alter. the one that was only ever around for shredder. until recently

--

Mikey was glad that Donnie seemed better when he left the bathroom. He seemed to have been spiralling about whatever was going on between Leo and Raph.

He was pretty sure the idea of sex repulsed his twin, despite his attempts to explain it to him. He was a good brother. But it really wasn’t worth worrying about if Raph and Leo needed to be away from each other. It was weird he cared.

Donnie cared about too many fucking things.

Mikey had spent an extra long time in the bathroom, thinking over if he felt any attraction like Donnie said. He’d thought about exploring his body, but the idea reminded him of Raph. He really didn’t want it to but it did. The first time he’d seen his own penis was when it was forced into his sleeping brother.

His brother who felt like his mom.

It fucking broke something inside of him. He was trying like hell to be the baby Raph needed, to be okay for him, so he wouldn’t make Raph worse. But in the back of his mind he did know he wasn’t okay. And maybe he was just age regressing to cope. Maybe he was only getting angry at everyone cuz he couldn’t help the age regressing.

It was easy to feel like a baby when you were so malnourished as a child that you looked way younger than you should. Father had seen to that. He didn’t take care of him and then blamed Raph for his condition. And maybe he just didn’t want Raph to feel bad about it anymore.

And he had recently remembered.. something. Childhood Raph who wasn’t Raph. Raph leaving crying, coming back Lita and not crying. And… Lita apologizing for something.

The rest was a mystery. A mystery he’d thought he might be able to uncover in therapy with Big Mama, but now?! Now there was this whole… situation!

So he was just sitting with Donnie quietly, watching dumb shit on YouTube. Ignoring his feelings.

They’d seen Leo very not so subtly leave his room. He still stunk. He walked funny and airheaded, but as long as he wasn’t gonna bother Raph, who cared where he went.

…Mikey cared a little. And he was the only one who saw how much weed he’d smoked.

So after about 5 minutes he sighed and felt the need to get up and see if he could find him.

He went out in his red hoodie and some fresh sweatpants, it was night time and maybe he went outside.

He wandered the hall and felt that vertigo feeling again. He hated it, he didn't feel present. Made him think of the drugs from the cages. The drugs he’d been extra pumped full of for being good at fighting them off. That made it worse.

He rested against the wall for a moment and rubbed his eyes.

“Hey, little man.”

He blinked and looked up. It wasn’t Leo.

Jennika was there, in a loose white shirt and cargo pants. She got down into a squat in front of him and smiled.

“Are you okay?”

He felt like maybe he was standing on a fault line.

��Sorry… I’m kinda queasy…” he mumbled.

She eyed the place he was standing and gently gripped his shoulders, tugging him about 3 feet to the left.

The feeling faded and he sighed out in relief.

“Better?”

“Yeah..” he took a deep breath and stood up straight, smiling at her. “You’re…. I know who you are now.”

She stood at her full height and rubbed the back of her neck.

“Yeah… sorry I was uh… lying before. I guess I wasn’t really lying? But you know.”

He nodded slowly and smiled. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to find you. You seemed kinda.. not okay?”

Mikey laughed and shook his head. “Nah! I’m good! I’m fine, I’m just looking for Leo, he’s the one who’s not good.”

“Leo’s alright. I saw him earlier. Kirby’s kinda.. talking him down from his high I think.”

“Oh! Wow! Kirby’s talking to Leo?” He smiled up at her, that was exciting. He knew Leo seemed upset about being ignored by his…. Son. “That’s good. I think that’s good for him.”

She nodded and held out her hand. “Do you wanna walk somewhere? These walls are so… migraine city.”

Mikey looked up at her curiously and beamed. “Sure!” He took her hand and squeezed it softly.

She squeezed back and they walked to the elevator together. He noticed when she was inside there were more buttons and she pushed one.

She seemed a little shy so he tugged on her arm. She looked down at him curiously.

“Can I call you Jenny? Or is Jennika better?”

“You can call me whatever you want, I don’t mind.”

“Raph said you're trans like him. So that means you probably chose your own name, right? I mean... he didn’t. Cuz he’s.. his situation’s weird, but am I right?”

She blinked and smiled softly.

“Yeah.. I did. Is it… a cool name?”

“Yeah! So if you chose it that makes it extra important, so I wanna make sure I say it how you want it said. Jen-nick-kah. I like it!”

She took in an audibly shaky breath and looked back at the buttons.

“Th…thanks Mikey…”

He squeezed her hand.

“I uh… I don’t think you’re looking at me for like… ugh.. dad approval. But like, you seem cool.”

She smiled and laughed a little. “No, I’m definitely not, but thanks. I feel a little.. weird to be honest. But I hope we can clear the air?”

He smiled up at her genuinely and nodded. “I’d like that.”

The elevator doors opened into a lobby Mikey hadn’t seen before. They’d been portaled from the city straight into Big Mama’s office. This was an actual entrance.

And… it was a button they got blocked from pressing? He’d need to think about that later.

Jennika walked with him out of the building and Mikey came into contact with a whole other world. They were in a courtyard of sorts, a city street across from them. The sky was pitch black, because it wasn’t a sky, it was high dark cave walls that stretched beyond what he could see. There were floating crystals for street lamps lighting the streets.

The streets were full of yokai, going about their days. Shopping at storefronts of magic and mundane. It seemed busy. It seemed normal.

He stopped in his tracks and Jennika turned to look at him worriedly.

“Are you okay?”

“W-where…” He kept staring over at the street. There were weird chariots for cars, and creatures flying above his head.

This wasn’t New York City. 

She seemed to realize what was wrong and her eyes widened. “Oh! You’ve.. never been to the Hidden City. Oh shit. This was stupid Kirby’s gonna kill me.”

Mikey stumbled back into a fountain in the courtyard and sat on it. He looked behind him and he could see the exterior of the hotel for the first time.

A skyscraper that existed underground, he couldn’t even see the top because of how dark it was up there.

He rubbed his temples and closed his eyes, taking deep breaths.

“Mikey are you okay?!” She sat down beside him and put her hand on his shell.

“I… yeah.. it’s just a lot…” he didn’t open his eyes but he did lean into her. “I don’t get out much, I guess. I’d be more excited if it hadn’t been… a day.”

He might have been letting his very well crafted facade slip.

She rubbed his shell. “I just thought we could go get some ice cream and talk it out. I thought maybe the hotel was a dumb place to talk, but maybe that’s my bad… I didn’t think about how weird this would be, I’m sorry.”

He looked up at her. She looked anxious and guilty.

So he thought about what she’d just asked and blinked up at her.

“Hidden city has ice cream? Like somewhere I could try every flavour? Cuz we fit in down here?!” He asked excitedly.

Her eyes widened and she beamed. “Yeah! That’s exactly what I was tryina do!”

He jumped up and tugged her arm.

“Show me! Show me show me!”

She grinned and stood up, jogging with him down the street.

He was laughing as they ran goofily down the street. People were staring but not because they were freaks, just cuz they were having fun.

They found a storefront for ice cream and there was a many armed person at the till. Jennika boldly asked for two samples of every flavour and it earned a very annoyed look from the clerk. She slid some kind of hidden city money over with an apologetic smile to make it worth their time which cheered them up.

There was some weird flavours in there he’d never heard of. Some sounded like fruits that didn’t exist, others were weirdly goopy or fleshy in nature. One even made them breathe fire, it was fun. They had a laugh.

By the time they’d tried everything Mikey was given some kind of mix of 5 flavours in a bowl with a spoon, and Jennika got the same.

So they walked down the street eating ice cream together. Like they were normal people having a normal outing.

It was so weird how normal it felt.

She showed him a park to walk through, the trees and plants were purple instead of green which was cool.

They sat down at a bench facing a glowing green lake to sit and eat. It was peaceful. He liked it.

“So how are you?” She finally asked, scooping ice cream in her mouth.

“Kinda confused. You’re really nice and cool, but like… you’re.. you know. And I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel… like, I feel kinda silly? But also.. feel kinda bad?” He was squishing the ice cream together, mixing the colours absentmindedly in the bowl.

She hummed and swallowed back her current bite, placing the bowl down beside her. “I can tell you how I see it. Which is that you’re like.. a brother. Like I know where I come from, but you’re just a kid, and you’re a kid on your own and that makes me sad, and I feel like I’m standing right here in front of you with like.. I dunno, open ears. No that’s not the phrase..” she tapped her chin as she tried to think.

Mikey looked up at her curiously. “Open arms?”

She snapped her fingers and grinned down at him. “Yeah! Open arms. I know it’s weird. I'm not trying to make you feel weird, I just wanna listen if you need someone.”

He looked down at his bowl and took a small bite. He wasn’t sure how well some of this went together but he liked it all the same. A big fucked up hodgepodge of deliciousness.

“I… don’t want you to feel weird. Maybe I’m hoping we’re just gonna be a big family with ease and nobodies gonna have any problems anymore and I can just be normal and not worry anymore.”

She smiled sadly and bumped his arm with hers.

“I’d like to be a family like that, but I think it won’t be so easy. And that’s okay. I wanna put work in, we all do. I think it’s worth a try, and I’m kinda old enough that I can handle whatever you wanna throw at me.”

He glared at the lake with a tired look in his eye. “Just cuz you’re old doesn’t make you able to handle stuff. Old people never handle stuff good as far as I’ve seen. I guess that’s not fair… I just think I’ve seen my brothers get hurt over and over cuz people don’t care how they come off to us. Cuz Shredder treated us like animals, and Splinter…” he sighed. That was a whole can of worms. “She’s old, and yet she felt more emotionally stupid than everybody else. Than her own kids.”

He blinked and realized he’d been talking a bunch and looked up at her. She was just watching him with a sad look.

“Sorry. I’m fine. Thanks for the ice cream, it's good!” He put his happy voice back on and shoved more in his mouth. He thought about how much he could fit at once before swallowing so he took bigger bites. 

“I’m… sorry your mom wasn’t good to you. I’m extra sorry your dad was…” she sighed. “I guess adults really let you down a lot. I’m sorry.”

He shrugged and swallowed back his huge mouthful of ice cream. And then he felt the brain freeze and cupped his head. “Auuuugh there it is! Brain freeze!”

She hummed a laugh and rubbed his shell. “You’re trying to avoid talking. You wanna seem like a happy normal kid don’t you? You’re putting on an act.”

That hurt more than the brain freeze.

He groaned and kept holding his head as it passed, she was holding him to distract from the hurt in his brain.

“How do you know I’m acting! Maybe I’m just immature!”

“Maybe. But maybe you know you’re hurting and you don’t wanna make it my problem for some reason.”

He furrowed his brow and looked away.

“Is it cuz you think I’m like your kid? Cuz really… I really don’t see me like that Mikey…”

“No, it’s not that..” he sighed. He wasn’t sure what it was. He’d been able to talk to Donnie, he’d wanted to talk to Leo. But Jennika was actually asking him how he felt and he could only sit there thinking of ways to seem like he was a baby again. Ways to try and seem normal, like a good kid brother who makes her want to take care of him normally, so he wouldn’t scare her off, or traumatize her!

Oh…

“It’s cuz you make me think of Raph…”

She took a deep breath and nodded knowingly, sighing.

“You don’t talk to him about how you feel. You just go baby made. So you wanna do that with me too.”

“I’m sorry… I’ve got issues. People think I don’t but…” he sighed. “I don’t know..”

She patted his back. “I'm not Raph. I’m not your mom. I’m your cooool big sister! And I know you’ve got issues, I’m open, I’m here. Hit me.”

He looked up at her nervously.

“I…” he looked around. It was really empty here. He decided to lay his head in her lap. “Is this okay..?”

He felt her hand gently stroke his head. “Yeah, that’s okay..”

He took a few deep breaths. “I keep thinking about the cages… about.. what happened. I’m really embarrassed about it, and ashamed of myself… it’s stupid cuz I know it’s not my fault, but the.. specifics of what hurt me was all related to this..” he sighed and closed his eyes. “Weird relationship I have with him, where I try to let him be my mom cuz I never had one. And maybe it’s cuz he’s female and I imprinted on him as a baby, or maybe it’s just cuz I was so small and he was so worried about me.. but the… the mixing of these two things in my head, the 'mama Raph' and the fact I….” He felt tears rolling down his cheeks and he sobbed audibly. It was getting uncontrollable.

She just rubbed his head. He heard her sniff but didn’t look up. He just let her pet him and tried to collect himself.

“I-I’m sorry, I don’t… know what to do, I know you’re not… but I’d never even seen my body before my dad made me use it against my will, a-and so I’m just.. b-back to baby mode, h-hoping I never grow up and have to think about it again…”

“God… Mikey I’m fucking sorry, that sounds like so much…” she was probably crying but kept petting him. He wasn’t sure how to respond now. “I… I think it sounds like you know you shouldn’t do that. That you’re like… pushing stuff down to make yourself seem okay. I think maybe you wanna be worried about normally just so you feel normal, maybe that’s why you’re acting like that…” he chanced a look up at her. She might have looked like him, but the way she was crying over him made her look like Raph. So he was crying in her lap quietly.

He looked away and clutched the fabric of her pants. “I’m.. not trying to act out… I just really don’t want these grown up problems, I-I wanna worry about stupid stuff, n-not wake up with my thing out cuz I h-had a nightmare…”

She took a deep shaky breath and blew it out slowly. “We don’t get to choose to not grow up. I know why you want to? But look at me. If I could have stayed a kid forever I probably would have. I hated puberty. Being a grown up sucks. But you can’t stop it. And you’ve gotten forced into the worst thing, but it doesn’t make you grown up, it just.. means you have to deal with something complicated. I... think ignoring that kinda problem won’t make it go away, and if you need to talk to someone about.. all that gross complicated stuff you’re scared of, I’m here. I’ve had lots of weird feelings over the years, going from like.. weapon to person, boy to girl.. you can tell me more if you want. Maybe I’ll get it.”

Mikey sat up and wiped his eyes. “I.. I haven’t even been asking about you, I’m so sorry Jennika…”

She smiled sadly and draped her arm over his shoulder, pulling him close and giving him a gentle shake. “No, it’s fine! You’re having a bad day. I wanna help with that, don’t worry about me at all.”

He looked up at her sadly, pressing his head against her chest.

“I-it’s weird.. if I’m not your dad, that probably means Raph’s not your mom right..?”

She sighed and looked at the lake. “No… he’s not. It’s kinda complicated, cuz there’s a piece of my heart that still.. I dunno, craves a mom? So that’s why I was so weird when he called me beautiful… but he’s not, he’s my brother just like you are.”

He looked over at the lake. “Is it weird that I think of him as my mom..?”

“No… Not at all, I get it. He’s been your caretaker, and he likes doing that.”

Mikey nodded slowly. “Then.. you get why its… fucking with my head that I’ll dream about the cage, and wake up like that.. why I feel sick to my stomach about it…”

“God, yeah I get that… I would be scared.”

“And I can’t cry to him about it, cuz it’s about him…”

She nodded slowly. “And that would make it worse.. yeah. I’m sorry Mikey…” she rubbed his shoulder. “Okay.. so this will be weird no matter what, but like.. you had the bird and bees talk? And any other talks about your body and stuff..?”

He looked up at her and shrugged sadly. “How much talk needed? We already made you.. think I get where babies come from…”

She looked down at him sadly and then gently rubbed his head. “Oh.. buddy that doesn’t mean you know everything. Did Splinter never…?”

He looked away. “Maybe she tried. Maybe I ran away. I don’t know, I don’t remember…”

She nodded and kept rubbing his head. “Okay. Let’s jump past babies and stuff. I think what you’re describing is like a sex dream, and it’s one you’re having cuz you got forced into it. A trauma dream, making you relive the only time you’ve ever felt arousal. You can’t control it, it's not your fault, it’s a natural response. It doesn’t mean you actually feel aroused by Raph, that you actually want him like that. It’s… ugh I’m sorry. Consent is a better place to maybe start this. Consent and body autonomy and finding a partner you trust…?” She shifted a little.

He looked up. She seemed a little frustrated that she couldn’t find the words.

He sighed and idly squeezed her knee. “I know what you’re trying to say. That I was raped. That I raped Raph but I didn’t, that he raped me but he didnt… dad raped us. Used us to rape each other. I… I know that.”

She looked down at him sadly, clearly sad about how much he was using the word. But he should be allowed to say it over and over again!

“Yeah…”

“I’m too young for sex. I don’t want a sex partner or whatever. I don’t want to have to worry about that, but I’m scared that I’m…” he keeled over and started crying out of nowhere. “I-I think maybe when I was little dad raped me too..? W-when Lita.. I-I can’t remember it… sh-she said I saw something I w-wasn’t supposed to… sh-she seemed so fucking sorry… a-and that’s all I’ve been thinking about for a week… a-and nobody cares!”

Jennika gently shook him and she was crying too. “I care! Fuck Mikey I care so much, I’m so fucking sorry!”

“E-everyone’s been tiptoeing around it! L-like around Raph! A-and maybe I wanted to go to therapy and talk about it! T-talk to Lita! Get more information! B-but there was the… th-the YOU situation! A-and he was traumatized enough! A-and now Big Mama is evil and I-I can’t!”

She took a deep shaky break and wrapped her arms around him and pulled him in her lap for a hug. He let her as he sobbed against her chest. “We don’t need her to do that. We can figure it out without her, we can find ways of dealing with it. God Mikey you’ve been so fucking… I’m sorry. Everything is so fucked up but I fucking promise you that’s my priority okay? We’re gonna help you with that.”

Mikey was clinging to her shirt and sobbing into it. He nodded miserably as he cried. “I-I’m sorry.. I-I keep forgetting t-to bring it up c-cuz I only I-learned about it when y-you were b-born! B-but that was like a week ago! A-and that’s its whole own thing! A-and I’m too fucked up t-to think about it!”

She held him tight and pressed her head against his.

“Fuck… you’ve been keeping so much in there…” She pulled back to cup his cheeks in her hands and smile determined at him, tears still freely falling down her face. He sniffled and shook as he looked back at her. “You don’t need to worry about any of this other stuff. No villains no brothers no fucking weird turtles coming back from the future. Your priority is Mikey. And so’s mine. We’re gonna figure it out. You and me. We’re gonna talk it out one step at a time together. Anything you fucking need I’m here, okay?”

He put his hands on hers, he was struggling to breathe through the crying. This wasn’t his usual crying, he felt fucking broken. His whole body hurt from how hard he was crying.

And it felt good. To fucking scream and yell and cry about how miserable he REALLY was, and to feel seen for it. To feel cared for about it.

So he shakily nodded and kept crying in her face.

She held him again. This wasn’t like how Raph would make him feel at all, this wasn’t a mom thing. This wasn’t a ‘push my feelings down and pretend you’re normal’ upset thing. This was just a sibling really fucking seeing him and letting him be as big of a wreck as he needed. Someone he wasn’t scared of making the problems worse of.

Maybe she was exactly what he needed right now.

[5am-mist]

angst with bellie bel

Strangers.

°pairing°> bella ramsey x reader

°summary°> you can't help but get excited when Bella says he has something to tell you. Only to get your heart crushed moments later.

°requested°> yess!

~°A/N°~

i am still working on your requests so please don't sorry if i haven't posted your req yet! Also sorry if this sucks im still not feeling well but i felt bad leaving your guys' requests for so long and i didn't want anyone ro get mad at me lol. so i wasn't sure what direction to take this in and i lowkey suck at writing angst but i hope you like it! I used he/him pronouns for Bella! thank youuu for the request love you<33

You and Bella had been best friends for a while now. You used to do everything together, go everywhere together. Recently though you two had been growing distant and it killed you. You loved him far more than a best friend should and you knew that.

Bella had been out of country for filming and in the beginning it was like it always was. Facetiming every night, messaging you whenever he was on break and constantly updating you on his plans. You remember the late nights where he'd tell you how filming was and about his new cast members.

With time however that seemed to stop. No more factimes or messages and when you'd reach out you were always met with a "im busy rn" or "maybe later" only to never hear back from him.

You were upset and angry to say the least. You just wanted an explanation as to why suddenly your best friend was no longer making an effort to talk to you. It was the day Bella flew back home. You marked it on your calander back when he originally flew over.

You stared at your phone re-reading Bella's text over and over again. "hey can i come over? i need to tell you something really important." you cursed yourself for getting excited, for thinking he was going to tell you how sorry he was for shutting you out. Were you really gonna let him come over after he practically ignored you for months on end? Yes, you were.

"sure." You thought about typing something more, anything more but at the same time you felt he didn't deserve it. It wasn't long before he showed up.

You let him in and closed the door behind you, he made a bee line for the couch but you stayed standing. "You're not going to sit?" he sounded confused.

"No, I'm fine standing. What did you want to tell me again?" you urged him. "Straight to point are we? Uh..well I'm not sure how to say this but i uh got a girlfriend. Macy, you remember her?" you were crushed to say the least and all you wanted to do was cry.

Of all the people aswell. It had to be Macy, the Macy that Bella used to talk about on facetime with you, the Macy Bella had been working with for these past months, the Macy you never actually got to meet. "oh. yea i remember her." the pain was evident in your voice and tears were pricking your eyes.

You see, at this point you weren't even that upset that Bella had a girlfriend no, you were upset that Bella had been shutting you out and practically ignoring you all this time because of her.

"What? What's the matter?" he demanded. Not a hint of concern in his voice. "I just, i don't know what to say Bella" you weren't lying you really didn't know what to say to him. "Oh i don't know maybe a I'm happy for you would do?" he stood up at this point and you could tell he was getting agitated.

"I can't. I can't say that I'm happy for you that would just be lying." your voice wavered. "Why can't you just be happy for me then? Your my friend thats what you're supposed to do." Appalled was what you were.

"So we're gonna play that game huh? Alright, friends don't randomly stop calling each other. Friends don't dismiss each other when they're very clearly trying to reach out. Friends don't leave the country and essentially cut you out like you were never even that important. Im so sorry i can't be happy for you. Im so very sorry that all those nights you were having fun in a different country with your girlfriend i was here in my apartment trying to find out what i did that was so wrong it pushed my best friend and love of my life to the point where he no longer wanted to talk to me."

You aggressively wiped away your tears waiting for him to respond. "oh. i didn't-" you cut him off before he could even finish. "just leave Bella. Im tired. I have been waiting months for you and now you're back and i never wanna see you again. I don't want your petty fucking excuses and i don't want your half assed apology and if you're expecting an apology you wont be getting one so i suggest you just go."

He looked at you with regret evident on his face. A part of you begged for you to apologize, to make thigs right again but it had already been done. You couldn't take back what was said. He stopped for a moment as if he were going to say something but decided against it and walked past you towards the door. You didn't bother turning around, you almost couldn't. "Goodbye."

One word. It shouldn't have hurt as much as it did. You knew that one word was the last word you'd ever hear from Bella and you hated it. You thought about stopping him. You thought about calling him. You thought about how things would be if you had just put on a fake facade for that one conversation but at the end of the day you didn't. You didn't call him. You didn't stop him and you didn't act happy for him that day.

You two were strangers now. Strangers with a backstory. Strangers who'd stay up all night wondering what your life would be like if you were still friends.

[crime-wives]

13, 26, 27, please!

thank you for the ask!

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?

oh wow, starting off with a tough one lol. hmm ok, i have a few fics dealing with self-harm, a topic incredibly personal to me. it's very difficult for me to write about, but simultaneously easy. i think the hard part about it is feeling like i need to be in a certain headspace when i'm writing about topics like that. and that headspace is often harmful for me. however, it's also easy to write about because i know how it feels so it kinda brings me a lot of catharsis. for example, in my most recent fic, my sky's not blue (it's violent rain) (absolutely shameless self-promo, heed the tags!) i struggled a lot with actually finishing it. my lovely friend @emily-prentits let me rant in their dms about it :)

26. How do you get into your character’s head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place?

to get into a character's head i constantly ask myself "what would they do if this happened?" i also try and think about where they are in the story and how they act. for example, s1 regina mills is completely different from s4 regina mills. so it really helps to contextualize where i want them to be in their arc. getting out is usually pretty easy because i tend to write in short, sporadic burst, rather than well-planned thought-out writing sessions. usually after i write, i'll read fic for a bit to transition away from writing mode™. sometimes i do regret going there, especially for my heavier fics, because of the headspace i have to be in to write those. but i find ways to deal with it.

27. Who is the most stressful character you’ve ever written? Why?

i would say either regina mills or addison montgomery.

addison is SO complex, she has so many different facets that a writer can choose to explore and it's really interesting to see how these often contradictory pieces fit together. an example of this is her cheating, she knows what she did was wrong, she regrets it, but she also tries to justify it. she's stressful to write because i always think i'm going to mess up her characterization.

regina is also stressful to write because she is like twenty different people in one. she's regina mills: mayor of a small cursed town in maine, fierce and unwilling to back down and also kind of a bitch. she's the evil queen: sadistic and vengeful and she doesn't care for anyone or anything. she young regina: tormented and abused, yet still and idealist at heart. seeking love and watching it crumble to pieces. she's leopold's wife: a child bride forced to mother a girl only a few years younger than herself. she's angry and trapped and so very alone. finally, she's henry's mom: caring and protective and loving with her whole heart. so it's really interesting to see how all these versions of regina affect her. which parts of her are which? when writing regina, all of these things are present, lurking in her subconscious. so it's extremely difficult to capture all of it without it coming off as too much or heavy handed.

anyway, i am so sorry for how long this got, i got a little carried away lol :)

[rizaposting]

Tagged by @quiet-nocturne! Thank you!! :] I love to waste time (my ass is NOT working)

are you named after anyone? My middle name, yeah! Named after my maternal grandfather who passed away before I was born. I actually don't know why my parents chose my first name--I think they just liked it

when was the last time you cried? Oh Babygirl like 20 minutes ago. I was thinking of a song that makes me emotional (not even listening to it!!!) and I had to wipe my eyes and sniffle pathetically. I'm such a crybaby it's embarrassing, I angry cry too, which is the WORST

do you have kids? No :[ but I want kids really viscerally it's kind of embarrassing

do you use sarcasm a lot? Yeah, and I'm trying to be better about using tone indicators ngjngjkdjkgnkjd

what sports do you play? Haha. I go for a walk around the neighborhood sometimes. I'd love to get back into swimming casually!

what’s the first thing you notice about people? This is maybe a weird thing to say, but their overall color palette? Like if you squint so you can only see the patterns of colors of their outfit and their skin tone/eye/hair.... Like a goddamn raptor I guess

what’s your eye color? Green. Kind of a light, very yellow-leaning green.

scary movies or happy endings? I like both!!! :] I'm really really into horror but I am also a sap and a lover and a romantic and I like happy endings.

any special talents? HAHA. Well. I used to have a really uncanny memory but my brain has been kind of fucked up lately. Do you want to learn how to do a Gram stain? I can teach you how to do a Gram stain. I'm also really good at pouring agar plates. Are these anything.

where were you born? New England -calls a drinking fountain a "bubbler" to do psychic damage to everyone around me-

what are your hobbies? Drawing and writing! I only started writing for fun in ~2022, but I've been drawing digitally since like... 2007. I also like to listen to hours long video essays on things I may or may not care about.

do you have any pets? I have a corn snake named Fion who is the nastiest corn snake I've ever met in my life and is an escape master like no other. Girl has escaped containment in my car THREE TIMES. I love her but she has cage aggression and only recently came out of a self-imposed 6 month brumation. Girl.

I had thought fleetingly about breeding her but now I know I have to keep her STANK DISPOSITION out of the gene pool.

how tall are you? 5' 3"/160cm. La Creatura height.

favorite subject in school? Biology! Microbiology specifically. My favorite courses in college were: a course called "pathogenic microbes", an independent study I did for virology, and immunology. Immunology was really tough but also really rewarding. None of the classes I took in grad school were informative or rewarding lmfao

dream job? Gremlin locked in a room doing 100 Gram stains a day. Honestly, I loved teaching my introductory microbio lab course!!! The foundations are really hands-on and it's so rewarding seeing the kids have fun and watch things click in their brain.

Either that or like... a woodworker snkfsdjsfdnkdsn I'm honestly so close to giving up on science because the job market is in shambles right now. I worked as a theatre set carpenter in college and I really loved getting to work with my hands, so maybe it's time to return to something like that

tagginnnnnnnnggggg: @phoenixfangs, @milekael, @littlewitchbee and @scienceoftheidiot (if you want, no pressure!!! Also if you see this and want to do it I'm tagging you oooo do it I dare you oooo)

[archersxartxblog]

Ok so recently I read the entirety of Warden Twins in the span of 4 hours (with a break in between cause it was 2:30 AM) and I just had a funny shower thought I'm gonna put here.

Basically, Arceus feels bad about the whole situation, so he gives Drayden and F!Emmet Arc Tablets or something that show the both of them Ingo, Lil' Ingo and Emmet and their misadventures. They essentially react to everything that happens in the fic as it happens.

Drayden is initially very sceptical of the whole situation, rightfully so. His nephews were kidnapped like 3 days ago (he basically got like a prologue vid showing what happened before showing him everything else), and then some stranger gives him an iPad that shows him his missing nephews being adopted by some guy who looks hauntingly similar to Lil' Ingo, with amnesia and who knows where. But he eventually warms up to F!Ingo cause hes actually not that bad at being a dad, is increasingly growing more protective over his now sons everyday (as he should be), and is looking out for them when he cant.

He invites Clay over cause his boys just became friends with Liam who ALSO looks hauntingly similar to Clay. And then the both of them bust out conspiracy boards when Akari reveals that all 4 of them are from the future. Lil Ingo and Emmet make sense, but Ingo??? If hes from the future as well, then is he some cousin they never heard about? What is this???

But they dont really care about that. Drayden swears that Ingo is now gonna be (officially) part of the family if- no WHEN they all return back to the future. Oh and so will Akari, she's a cool cousin to the boys.

This eventually just devolves into Drayden watching all of this like it's a soccer game or something : very passionately. Like "oh my dragons I'm gonna kill the Miss Fortune sisters for kidnapping my nephews", and then cheering like his team won the world cup or something when Gyarados shows up. Oh and Drayden will be so angry he might rip a tear in spacetime in order to kill Volo when all THAT happens with him and Lil' Ingo.

With F!Emmet its gonna be a bit more complicated, since he either remembers the past or not. But if he doesnt remember, then he will be panicking. His brother went missing like 5 years ago, and when he finally sees him he's with baby versions of them??? Why is Ingo a father to two kids who are named after them and look EXACTLY like him when he was also 10?!? 'AM I AN UNCLE??? DO I NEED TO BUY A BIGGER APARTMENT NOW?!??' Elesa is surprisingly taking this much better.

And then when Akari is revealed, F!Emmet is both verrrrrry happy to be an uncle and that his brother is not alone and happy, but at the same time mourning his bank account, cause hes gonna need to buy a bigger apartment if he is to house 3 new kids and like 24 new pokemon.

And then its revealed that both Ingos are one of the same. Emmet is internally having a blue screen of death moment, cause that means that Ingo literally raised him. Elesa is just treating thos like it's a certified Watchmojo top 10 anime plot twists.

But if he does remember, then he is basically just refreshing his childhood memories.

I wanted to add that maybe Emmets and Draydens tablets are connected to one another, but I've already typed WAYY too much. Can you tell that I love the Warden Twins AU?

Anyways enough from me, thank u for listening to my Ted talk. What are your thoughts about this? Really hope the fic gets updated soon and have a good whatever-your-timezone-is

Oh wow

Not gonna lie this was really fun to read. I love reading stuff like this. This is a really fun idea, i just imagine Arceus making like a YouTube channel like Gamingharry or Ladyoflore or something and just sending it to Drayden and future Emmet with a message that says "this explains everything"

I do need to get back to writing Warden’s Twins, I'm a little stuck with Lil Ingo's face off with Kamado, so I've taken a small step back for a bit to try and figure out how to go about it.

But I'm so glad you're enjoying Warden’s Twins :)

[erenslovah]

DISLIKE?

Part One Part Two

Summary:You're a famous and great footballer,one of the greatest footballers you had a crush on turned out to be a complete ass,something will change maybe?

A/n:Nah cuz Idek,I started writing this at 5:55 am until 7:20 and I went to school and I just finished it,Idk if this gets attention I'm probably going to make a part 2

WARNINGS:Cursing,hate,trapping,blood,Jude being a complete ass😻😻

Jude and his family were watching TV,there you were,you were in an interview,Denise really liked you,and jude's father too.

Jude finds you annoying,his ex broke up with him cuz she was insicure because she knew Denise liked you alot and a few people shipped you with Jude,and he has developed hatred for you.

He keeps seeing edits of you,and videos everywhere,you were very kind hearted and nice,you were good looking too,like alot,people recently were going crazy for you,even his teammates and alot of his friends.

You were a footballer,a great footballer.

He keeps seeing you everywhere,his thoughts were cut off when the interviewer asked you what you thought about Jude Belligham.

'He's a great footballer,I like that he achieved great things at such a young age,I hope he can go on with his career and become more famous and a professional,he has a big potential'.

Denise turned to her son smiling at him 'Why do you hate her?She's so sweet,she's the one for you Jude'.

'No,she's annoying,she's probably doing that for attention,or to seem sweet'

'Jude' his mother glared at him,she turned to the TV when the interviewer asked you what you thought about Richarlison.

'I mean,he's my husband I don't know what y'all on'

Denise turned to Jude 'You better make a move'.

Jude was on the field,he was annoyed and nervous,why?YOU WERE COMING HERE.

You're so annoying and such a pick me,he couldn't understand why his teammates were exited to see you.After a few minutes you came and his teammates were so happy,they all greeted you happily,and they called his name and told him to come and greet you.

'Mate come here!' Phil souted.

Jude came even if he didn't want to,there you were,ugly as alwyas trying to have all the attention thinking that everyone wanted you.

He looked at you and you didn't spare him a glance.

'Hey I'm here' he said and you turned your head towards him 'Oh,hi I didn't see you sorry' you greeted him,and he only looked at you,and then he scoffed and went away.You were shocked,why was he acting like that?

The guys feeling the tension suggested you guys played for a while,they started to decide what you were gonna play,but your mind was on Jude,you didn't know what was wrong.

'Jude?' He lifted his head,scoffing when he saw you 'Are you okay?Something's wrong?Me and the guys are playing,you want to play with us?'

'No' he stood up and went away,he exited the field,you followed him.

'Did I say something wrong?What's wrong?'

'Can you shut the fuck up?For one minute,please shut your mouth,god you're so annoying,go annoy someone else,not me,I'm not blind and I won't feel for your plan to make everyone obsessed with you,literally shut the fuck up,you like whoring around so much,huh?'

You were still,not moving confused and on the verge of tears,you didn't know why he snapped like that on you.He noticed the tears in your eyes.

'Aww you're gonna cry now?Fucking crybaby' he said whilst pinning you to the wall behind you,you started crying,not being able to contain yourself,he looks down at you disgusted,he feels satisfied.He's proud but he feels kinda..Guilty?

'Stop crying' you started wiping the angry tears.

'You look even more ugly' you wanted to beat the shit out of him,but you just couldn't knowing that you'll feel bad about it later even if he deserves it.

He let's go of you after a while,you feel sick,meanwhile he goes back in the field.

'Mate did you see [name]?'

'She's inside doing something' he said,after a few minutes you came back,no signs of you crying visible on you face.

You guys started playing,Jude saw how well his teammates treated you,they never treated his ex like this.He's furious.When you catch the ball,he runs to you tackling you,you fell.Hard,blood started coming out of your nose and your mouth,his teammates rush to you

After taking care of you,his teammates confronted him,why was he acting like that?

'What the fuck mate?What's wrong?'

Jude didn't know what to say,he would've cried,if you didn't protect him.

'Guys he didn't mean to,it happens sometimes,it's football,I'm fine really'

The day ended and everyone was going back home,everyone was leaving and you took it as an opportunity to go talk to Jude.

'Jude?I'm sorry for what happened earlier,I hope you're fine'

You're so irritating.

'Shut up,I didn't need your help'

He grabbed you and trapped you between him and a locker.His face was so close to yours,you looked in his eyes.

Your chest was pressed against his.His mind running miles after the realization,he kinda liked the feeling of your chest against his.

You made eye contact,the tension reaching the moon.You try to squirm away,feeling flustered.

'Stay still' you stop moving,he's quite intimidating...

[purlturtle]

Character ask game, 25, for HG and Myka. (haven't been in the fandom for a minute, hope I spelled Myka's name right)

25: What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

(all questions here)

Oh that's a tricky one, because my memory isn't good 😅 I'm gonna think back real hard, but I can't promise it won't be colored by present feelings!

So I watched Warehouse because I saw it on the list of things that Kate Mulgrew had recently done, and I loved her in Voyager, and so I checked Warehouse out - but from the very beginning; yep, I'm that kind of person. I want to have ALLLLL the context 😅

And I was *immediately* taken by Myka. I latched on to her so hard. SO HARD. Immediate blorbo, as the kids say today. Luckily, that was 20....11? I think? So there was a good number of episodes already out, and I just inhaled them. I liked Pete well enough, especially since he was good for Myka's closed-off-ness; even the pilot established that, but Myka was front and goddamn center for me.

I wasn't watching these together with other fans, by the way. I wasn't *in* any fandom then; if I enjoyed something, I was enjoying it on my own. I didn't even know about fan fiction, although I did know about conventions - but only for Star Trek? Anyway yeah, that all changed with Warehouse, but I digress.

When Helena appeared on screen for the first time, I *immediately* saw the chemistry between the two of them, never mind that kiss that H.G. gave Pete. I do remember being stunned like Myka at the reveal of who H.G. Wells really was! And then For The Team happened and I was FUCKING SOLD.

But even before that shipping, I loved H.G. as a character: a smart woman out of Victorian age into current time, beautiful, angry, hurting - oh I wanted to see more of her, wanted to have her as a regular cast member, *knew* there would be a heel turn somewhere (well, probably more of a wishful thinking situation but I was RIGHT!)

Just like Myka's smarts and emotional closed-off-ness, Helena's smarts and her very big very open wound immediately made me latch on to her too. And the fact that they are both absolutely stunning in their own way didn't hurt at all! (I still have a crush on both of them 😂)

Today, as I have written over a million words exploring both of their characters (*coughhumblebragcough*), I still love them more than any other fictional character. They are truly my One True Pairing in the deepest sense of the word; no other couple comes close, and I cannot ship them with any others (except perhaps clones of themselves or each other, but I digress again). I am obsessed with them. I feel like I learn something new about them every time I sit down to write, every time I talk with someone about them - and I am SO fucking glad that there are still people who want to talk about them.

Instinct in particular (the episode I mean) makes me fucking FERAL because I understand both of them so well. God, it just tears at my heartstrings in the best worst way.

Thank you for asking, and allowing me to gush about these two! ♥️

[zalrb]

idk if this is an umcomfortable ask, i'm sorry if is but with steferine coming up a bit recently i was wondering which are some of the steferine sex scenes your most proud of from your stelena+steferine fic? cause i know you said writing sex scenes is super tricky with finding natural dialogue that doesn't just seem corny and unnatural. (i think you nailed it by the way! it all seemed very sincere and in character for the story. just like what they would say and do in those scenarios.)

Oh, with the amount of things we've talked about on this blog, trust me, this is not an uncomfortable ask so dw 😉

Steferine sex scenes, hmm ... I will choose three.

Their scene in "Kill" because I'd already written them doing quite a bit in the previous parts and so I was like, how am I going to keep this fresh and dark but still in character for Stefan specifically with it continuing a cycle without it being too repetitive of what's been done/said in the parts before and also for Katherine figuring out a way to, in her mind, beat Elena and beat Rebekah, which is through the intensity of their dysfunction and the intensity with which Stefan fights the urge to take things too far because with Elena he'd never do that and with Rebekah (specifically in the 20s) he was already off the deep end so it's that struggle between both that Katherine's like, oh yeah, this is mine, and I think I found a really fun way to do it that also didn't undercut Stelena:

“Fine,” she said, opening her eyes to look at him. “So then fight for me. Keep me from walking out that door. Make me stay here.” 

            Katherine’s eyes glinted with a primal kind of malice.

[...]

She walked out of his room but then found herself backing into it again. Stefan had intercepted her in the hallway, blocking her path, and started walking, guiding her back to where they were a moment ago. His expression was dangerous. Katherine’s skin tingled. He was doing what she told him to. Keeping her from leaving. But she needed the words. She needed his surrender. 

“You want me to stay here,” she said. “Say it.” 

He took a hold of her, his grasp tight enough to break the bones of a human, and kissed her violently, bruising her lips, thrusting his tongue in her mouth, making her knees buckle and head swim.

There was no affection, just an angry passion. She pulled her mouth away and slapped him hard across the face, splitting his lip, her fingernails clawing his skin with one sharp rake that left scratches on his cheek. His eyes reddened and veins darkened his face, his upper lip curled as fangs descended. Katherine grabbed him by the back of his head and forced him to her, kissing him again, pushing him to a wall. She bit his tongue, making him wrench away. Reacting instinctively, he grasped her throat and lowered her to her knees. She looked up at him with excitement, her eyes daring him.  

He blinked rapidly and his irises were back to their normal green, the veins disappeared from his face, his fangs were gone. Now that his senses had returned, he let go of Katherine but his hand, trembling, still hovered around her neck, as if itching to continue. This, Katherine thought triumphantly, he’d never do, never have to do, never feel with his precious Elena. Or that wench Rebekah. This battle within himself, that belonged to her.

2. One of their first scenes in "Toxic" when they're starting to get into their rhythm and Stefan threatens to break the door if she doesn't let him in, just because I think it's a hot scenario, lmao, and I could absolutely see Stefan just being very matter-of-fact about it, like it's happening

Stefan immediately went to open the door but it was locked. He waited for her to open it but she stayed where she was, her body bowing off the bed, delighted at seeing his taut expression, his stillness. She knew that his quietness, his lack of reaction only proved how aroused he really was. She started to pant and then –

“Let me in.” 

Katherine grinned and continued, turning her head even further to the side so he could see the agonized pleasure contorting her face. He flexed his jaw and looked her in the eye.

“Katherine, I will break this door.” 

That elicited an urgent noise from her, which only inflamed Stefan further. He exhaled, frustrated. She smirked and when Stefan saw her eyes cloud as she edged closer, he broke off the door handle, banging the door open with a force that made the glass shatter.

3. Their scene in "Blood" because I didn't expect the reaction it got from readers of the series, I didn't realize they'd find it to be so hot and so heartbreaking for Elena lmao

Could he do it? And then, like the week before, the belt was around her neck and he held onto it like a leash. She waited, still looking up at him, and he tugged her forward, into him, and then she surprised him as she sank her teeth into his inner thigh, making him curse. She moaned as she drank and he panted, smashing his fist against the brick, making a hole in the wall, instinctively pulling on the belt, tightening it around her, making her groan and feed, making him dizzy with the carnality of it all.

Did this make Katherine his or did it make him hers? She’d had him in 1864, she’d had him drunk on her, blinded to her, infatuated with her, yearning for her, and then she’d killed him. Condemned him. How to make up for that? How to get her back. For that. The confusion made him want to conquer her, possess her, for good. No blurred lines.

Somewhere, he knew he should resist. Stop this game. Stopping would be what proved something. But it was a distant caution in comparison to the immediate, overwhelming pleasure radiating throughout him from the source of her bite. She started massaging him as she fed and his free hand was twisted in her hair and he licked his lips, tasting her blood, as she drank his, pulling on the belt, and he hated himself as much as he relished the pleasure and he wanted to leave and he wanted to stay and —

“Oh my God, Stefan!”

[slashingdisneypasta]

Oh god... Oh God Slashing, my man, I just got this thought and I NEED to put this here while it's still fresh in my mind.

Ok so you and I both write Wheezy being handsome, yeah? Especially when he cleans himself up and looks like a cologne commercial without trying?

What if Wheezy was like the groups Harper and Smartass would be Buckman pimping him out? Yeah, Greasy is already throwing himself at women, though it's safe to assume that that doesn't make women swoon XD so if for whatever reason, the group needed to seduce somebody, Smarty knows he's gotta send in Wheezy. Oh I imagine Greasy would be miffed XDD

Your thoughts?

Omg! I'm imagining that scene in Atlantis where the team is trynna 'decide' who should go schmooze Kida and Mole (Greasy) keeps popping up like 'I will do it!', 'I am your man!', 'For the good of the team, I will do it!', until Rourke (Smartass) smacks Milo (Wheezy), who could not care less, on the shoulder and goes 'Thanks for volunteering', causing Mole Greasy to start sobbing XDDD

Anyway- I love this. Here's a

Wheezy Weasel x Fem! Reader x Greasy Weasel || Drabble

Plot: Wheezy is instructed to charm Y/N, the recently ex girlfriend of a powerful Mafia toon in town that they have had some trouble with for years, and get information out of her (Like where has he run off to?)- except Greasy has a huge Thing for Y/N and he's very insulted that he wasn't given this job, and now Wheezy has to deal with Manipulative Pervert antics.

Warnings: Greasy bring Oppertunistic (Seeing Y/N's heartbroken drunkenness as an In), and just like... being himself. Also I'm not sure if this is coherent 😅

Greasy Weasel's POV

"Alright, Wheez- "As soon as Smartass glances at the smoker he does a double take, scowling. And I dont blame him, el fumador looks like a disgraceful mess- but what else is knew really?? I roll my eyes, crossing my arms. "Fucken hell, Wheezy. Brush your hair. You're up." Here I set my jaw and repress the angry words I want to spit at them both- why does he get to have all if the fun??? I am right here-

Wheezy heaves the heaviest sigh known to man kind, like an absolute drama queen, smoke slipping out of his mouth, nostrils, and his eyeballs. Honestly you'd think that if smoke started to leak out of your eyeballs you may cut back, but no... and this is the man that the Boss thinks can charm the women. Tch. Imbéciles estúpidos. "Boss, really?... "

"Yeah, really. I'm not talking for my own amusement, am I??? Heck no. Wash your face." It is going to take more then that to make el fumador a member of society, but okay-

"I was really hopin' to like... take a back seat, on this one... "

I cant help the annoyed huff, I make at this. The boss gives me a dangerous side eye and Wheezy looks unsurely at me, as if he is some kind of victim in all this, but I refuse to look at either of them; Just merely whistle and look off to our other two comrads picking at something squishy in the gutter.

Smartass rolls his eyes at me, then returns his attention to Wheezy, his eyes hard and mean. "Wheezy. There is a pathetic, heartbroken woman in there," He points at the bar we're parked next to, where Y/N is, "with information, gettin' drunk- Get your lazy flat ass in there."

Smartass' beautiful description of her almost gets me hard (she's so vulnerable right now- if I could just get close to her- speak to her- aghhhh!) but while I'm standing stiff trying to calm myself down- Wheezy actually groans (Where I can hear him!) and hunches his shoulders (Where I can clearly see him!), before slinking in.

Grrrrrrr, this ungrateful, undeserving, selfish- "And, now, we play the waitin' game. Greasy, go down the road and get us some snacks, will ya?" Smarty suddenly thrusts a few bills in my hands. Qué? Do I look like your server?? "I'm gonna take a nap in the van. And dont forget the red vines this time, will ya?"

With that, the boss slinks into the back of our dodge and slams the doors shut behind him. I make a face after him for a few moments, insulted by his usual brash manner, before... an idea, occurs to me.

As Stupid and Psycho continue to play with gutter garbage nearby, I compose a plan.

Heheh. I can be back before Smartass wakes up.

~

Ahhhh, there's the bastard.

As soon as I walk in, I spot them. Y/N's hunched on her elbows by the bar, her eyes wide with delicious, innocent, vulnerable intrigue as Wheezy (A.K.A the bastard) talks to her.

I taste something terrible watching them, because admittedly el fumador is rather charming when he tries to be (And sometimes when he isn't. I think it has something to do with how relaxed~ he seems to be, all the time. I could never be like that, not even if I, too, smoked 17 packs an hour- ) and he does have nice eyes,.. but goddamnit, that old man is going down. I can do this.

I would say I'm apologetic for what I must do- but I am not.

"Y/N!" Her body jumps when I appear on her other side, turning around to look at me with pretty rounded eyes; A definite haze of intoxication behind them. A smirk slithers across my face looking down at her. "Funny to see you here!- I had no idea. And- with el fumador!.. of all people... How nice. Mind if I join you?"

Wheezy gives me a raised-eyebrow look from Y/N's other side, but I ignore him! ^^ "Grease, what're you doin'?"

My attention is only for Y/N- pathetic, pregnable, easy Y/N. She glances at Wheezy, before settling her attention on me again. "Um- sure! What are- what are you doing here?"

"Ohh, nothing much~ Gracias for allowing me to crash your night, hermosa. Very sweet of you."

Nervously, she gives a faint smile; Shrugging. "Ohh, its n- nothing... I wasn't doing much... " Oh, the adorable, heartbroken thing she is. She doesn't know we are perfectly aware of her break up from that dumb asshole she's been with, today. Or that we kind of caused it. Afterall, he didnt leave town for no reason... Of course she doesn't- I should play this subtly.

"Mmm... and where is your boyfriend, Y/N? Surely he wouldn't leave you alone in a bar looking so beautiful~... Unsavoury types may approach." At this, I do finally look at Wheezy, and he gives me a very unamused look in return. Oh, he has no sense of humour-

"More unsavoury than you?" Y/N suddenly snaps, eyes flashing knowingly at mean- oh. She's more clever than I thought. Okay. I see.

"... can I buy you another drink, Hermosa?" She's not nearly drunk enough.

"Greasy." Wheezy warns, again. But Y/N takes a deep breath and nods, and then he's looking surprised at her. "Are you sure, about that?"

She shrugs back at him as I order her another of what she was drinking. "... yeah. I um- Brick broke up with me, today. I could use a few hundred... thousand, drinks."

Aww... pathetic little thing. Just perfect. Wheezy catches me smirking as I finger through the bills Smartass gave me for red vines, having heard that delicious admition, and gives a sigh; Rolling his eyes.

"Sorry to hear that... " He lies, because he knew very well what happened with Brick today, just like I did. Looking tired as ever, though especially by me right now (I'd know that tone in his broken voice anywhere. That tone is alllllll my fault. And I'm honoured), Wheezy gestures to the bartender fetching me Y/N's drink. "I could use a drink, too."

"Don't worry Y/N," I nudge her with my elbow, settling in close to her, and give a wink. "I will be the designated driver for us. Feel free to drink all the booze you like~ "

Wheezy taps the bar. "Make that two, will ya? 'Nd put it on his tab."

~

2 hours later, Y/N's completely drunk and Wheezy may have dragged her bar stool ever-so-subtly further from me and closer to him, but I am the one with all of her attention. I have her exactly~ where I want her.

I just need to get rid of el fumador, somehow, then-

"YOU," That voice is unmistakably familiar, and I immediately go stiff as a plank. "GODDAMN MORONS."

Oh, infierno. This is not good.

Y/N's eyebrow raises, turning in her seat and almost slipping off of it- if it weren't for Wheezy jumping forward and steadying her. I'm busy stringing a good excuse together in my head... but nothing is coming to me... "Is that Smartass?"

"Yep, looks like the jigs up," Wheezy tells her, turning to me meaningfully. He knows she won't remember anything he says, now. "Eh, Greasy?"

I dont say a word, avoiding his eye. I'm still desperately raking my brain for a good excuse-

"The- the jig?? What- "

They sell red vines in here?? I just stepped in to go to the bathroom?? I needed a glass of water?? No, no, no-

"Eh, don't worry about it doll. How about we get you a cab and send ya home? Where are yer shoes?"

By the time Smartass reaches us Wheezy has helped Y/N to get herself together (His arm around her waist to keep her from tripping and her shoes in his other hand), my chances with her tonight are successfully diminished, he's ready to take her to the door, and I've still got nothing. Smartass looks sharply at him, and he gives a solemn shake of his head. "I got nothin' after all that. Talk to lover boy."

As Wheezy takes Y/N away, Smartass slowly does turn to 'lover boy', me; A very violent look in his eyes, and I hold up a finger. As if to 'pause' him.

... Absolutely no excuse has come to mind. My head is completely blank. Smooth, in fact, like a leaf. And that look in the bosses eye is making my bladder feel weak. "... I plead the fifth- "

"YOU PLEA- You're gonna plead for the use of your legs back when I'm done with ya!! Get in the van. Get- Go- I'm not gonna tell ya twice!"

[cypanache]

Hi! I recently read Patchwork Heart (like twice in two days) and I now have brainrot from that fic. (Which is to say that I loved it.) And I’m sad that it’s incomplete but I’m grateful that you wrote it, and all your other Parks and Rec fics. I remember reading a comment from you (from like 11 years ago lol) where you said you’d been writing for 14 years and you encouraged someone who was feeling bad about their own writing. Which gave me the motivation to keep writing, and made me think, how awesome must it be to be a fanfic writer for so long? This is a rambly comment to say that I’m glad you’re still writing (even if it’s not for Parks heh) and you’re a great inspiration!

(Also I’m aware this isn’t a question but I don’t really know how Tumblr works)

Well this ask officially made my year. (P.S. - Asks don't have to be questions. Especially when they're as lovely as this)

You know every once in a while I think, am I being totally ridiculous just leaving my live journal out there like that? Really, who's going out and reading stuff from over 11 years ago, except ... yeah I've totally done that myself. And I'm forever grateful for the authors who let their stuff just float along and exist. So I'm gratified to know that I did that for you today. And extremely gratified to know that I was able to give you a little motivation to keep writing. I have been doing this for over twenty years with varying levels of success and intensity as my life evolves, but I keep coming back to it, because really at the end of the day, fanfic is one of those hobbies that more than anything make me feel like me. When you find that, you owe it to yourself to hold onto it. Even if you can't do it perfectly or quickly.

I am not going to lie, I'm very sad Patchwork Heart is incomplete as well. That was an unfortunate product of life circumstances overwhelming me and by the time I paddled my way to the surface my emotional relationship with Parks had changed. But I am forever in love with the complete human disaster that was teenage Ben Wyatt in that fic.

Sooooo this isn't much, but this ask made me go back through my google docs. Here have part of a camping trip:

Griggs-Knope-Wyatt (Whatever) Family Vacation  

Hell – 375-369 days to go

Yeah, it’s official, Ben does not get camping.

At all.

Look he gave it a fair try.  But he just-  he doesn’t get it all right.  He doesn’t get what’s so fun about sleeping on the floor (”Ground,” Marlene informs him, “It’s called a ground when it’s outside, dear.") or getting so many mosquito bites, or having to make sure your food is put up in a certain way so raccoons won’t get to it.  And you know what he really doesn’t get?

Ghost stories.

He does not get ghost stories.  They’re not scary.  They’re particularly not scary if your dad is telling them.  And when your step-mom takes over and does manage to tell a scary one, well then you’re outside, in the dark . . . scared.

Oh and his tent collapses on him in the middle of the night.

Yup, okay.  Not.  Having.  Fun.

Ben just wishes he could convince himself that’s actually because of the camping.

Leslie’s been withdrawn and subdued for the past two days.  Not angry, just quiet.  He tried to talk to her yesterday morning like a dozen times, but the one time he got anywhere the fact he was trying to take the whole thing seriously only seemed to make it all worse.

He doesn’t know what to do for her.  Has the sneaking suspicion there’s actually nothing he can do.  Or at least nothing he’s willing to do.

So yeah, maybe he’s going to just lie here under the wreckage of what used to be his tent for a little while.

Except he can’t even seem to manage that, because the next thing he knows there’s the sound of footsteps and a flashlight is being shined into his eyes like an interrogation lamp.

“Benjamin?”

Ben holds up a hand to shield his eyes and squints up at the outline of his step-mother standing over him.  “Umm, hi?”

“Benjamin dear.  Your tent’s on the ground,” she informs him as though she’s not entirely sure he’s aware of this fact.  Sometimes he’s pretty sure his step-mother thinks he’s an idiot.      

“Yeah, so umm, funny story about that.  You know what it was, it-  it fell.”

The fact he always winds up saying stuff like that around her probably doesn’t help.

Marlene doesn’t respond for long moment, and even though he can’t see her face he can pretty much picture it.  It’s a face he’s pretty familiar with.  The one that says ‘I worry about your ability to dress yourself in the mornings’.

“I don’t-  I’ve never really camped,” he continues, unable to help himself.  Marlene’s silences are just about the most effective interrogation technique he’s ever encountered.  No wonder Leslie’s usually so talkative.

“I never would have guessed,” she shoots back, before adding, “Well, should I just leave the two of you alone or would you like some help putting it back up?”

“No- no, help would be good.”

There’s a long pause, then:  “Ben, dear.”

“Yeah?”

“You need to get out of the tent.”

“Oh.  Right.”

---

So in a surprising turn of events (at least in his opinion), Marlene actually turns out to be a pretty good teacher.  Like okay she isn’t the most patient person in the world, but she’s incredibly precise in her explanations of how to do things like tie a hitch-knot, and Ben’s always been more comfortable with precision over intuition, so it doesn’t take him too terribly long to catch on, and when she pats him lightly on the knee in approval, it feels like getting an A in your most demanding class from the teacher who scares the shit out of you.

All in all, Ben’s feeling kind of good about things by the time they get the tent back up, so when Marlene points out that it’s only an hour or so until sunrise and asks whether he wants to help her make coffee for breakfast, he says yes, thinking maybe things are looking up.  

Yeah, no, that was obviously just designed to lull him into a false sense of security.

“So,” Marlene opens without warning or preamble, “Leslie tells me I’m returning the Purdue sweatshirt.”

He barely manages not to tip over his cup of coffee. “Yeah, um, sorry about that.”

“Ben didn’t we talk about that? Um-”

“Is the sound in dumb.  Yeah I know.”

The look she gives him could level small countries.  Ben keeps his head down and tries not to have an aneurysm.

How does he get himself into these situations?  Really why is it sarcastic, smart-aleck things always come out of his mouth at exactly the wrong time.  It’s not like he’s trying to be a wise-ass.  He’s not really trying to be anything really.  (Except maybe invisible.  Invisible would be nice right now.)  But for some reason it happens anyway, and he can’t seem to stop it.  It’s like this leak, this crack in his personality.  Ninety-five percent of the time he manages to be exactly the kind of guy he should be, the kind he thinks Virginia Wyatt would have wanted him to be.  The kind of son his perpetually fragile father seems to need.  Quiet and polite and respectful.  But every once in awhile the pressure of keeping everything else in just gets to be too much and these little drops of acid seep through, landing where they’re not wanted and scarring once they’re there.

Except Marlene Griggs-Knope doesn’t scar that easily.

“Oh, sit up straight.  Really, Ben if you keep going through life acting like a spineless jellyfish, it won’t just be Leslie who treats you like one.”

“I don’t.” he mutters under his breath.

Only he says it to the picnic table so that probably undermines his whole protest.  He forces himself to sit up and look Marlene in the eye (Okay, it’s more like her forehead, but come on, cut him a little slack here.  Do you want to look Marlene in the eye?  Yeah, that’s what he thought.  Shut up.</i>)

“Leslie doesn’t-”

But he can’t make himself complete the thought, because . . . yeah, sometimes she kind of does.  And, shit, it’s Leslie’s mom, and Marlene’s giving him this look that clearly says ‘don’t bullshit me about my own daughter.’  Still, Leslie treats everyone like that, at least everyone important to her.  Ann gets, like, twenty-three instructions a day.  And, well, he likes it.  It’s been a really long time since anyone paid that much attention to anything he did.  It’s how he knows he’s important, that she cares.  If she ever stopped trying to micromanage his life, well then he’d just be another ordinary person on the outside, wouldn’t he?

He opens his mouth to try again, but Marlene waves his efforts away with a dismissive hand.  Oh good, apparently he’s now already used up whatever small amount patience she had allotted for him today, and it’s only, what?  Five-thirty in the morning?  This is probably some kind of new record for him.

Yaaaay . . .

At that moment from across the campsite, Leslie unzips her tent and steps out into the new dawn, only to freeze, eyes going wide, at the obviously unexpected sight of Ben sitting at the picnic table with her mother.

He tries to remember enough Morse code to blink her a S.O.S.

And any other morning it wouldn’t matter that he’s pretty sure he just looks like he’s having an epileptic fit, Leslie would have already come over and rescued him. 

Instead she just turns back around, grabs her towel and a bar soap out of the tent and trudges off to the shower facilities, leaving him alone with Marlene to fend for himself.

Okay, Leslie is officially really upset.

“She will get over it.”

At Marlene’s observation, Ben whips his head back around only to find himself pinned by his step-mother’s sharp assessing gaze.

It feels like all the oxygen just got sucked out of the . . . well, earth.

He opens his mouth to stammer out a disclaimer but only manages a strangled kind of gurgle, which Marlene, thankfully, ignores.

“Leslie is no stranger to disappointment.  She’s a very resilient girl.  Always has been.” She says it matter-of-factly and maybe even a little proudly, then immediately counterbalances it with a sigh of exasperation. “Realism, however, is unfortunately not your step-sister’s strong suit.  Particularly when it comes to people.”

Ben just presses his lips together and fiddles a little with his coffee cup, drumming his fingernails against the metal.  He’s not really sure why Marlene’s telling him all this.  Not that any of it is exactly revelation.  To know anything about Leslie is to know she puts too much faith in life in general and people in particular.

So no it’s not like he doesn’t realize Leslie’s been disappointed by people before—her father, Lindsay . . . And then suddenly it clicks with him, the why behind all of this.

People leave.

In Leslie’s world, people leave her.

For some reason he’s never thought about it before, about her history and the painful lessons life’s given her.  After all, he’s the one with the dead mother, the great tragedy that defined his entire fucking existence before he met her; that he wears like a poorly healed scar on his personality.  Leslie always seemed so untouched by comparison.

But she’s not.  He can see that now.

Because yeah, maybe his mother was ripped out his life.

But people walk out of hers.

By their own choice.

Of their own free will.

Ben drops his head to stare down at the film that’s started to form on his rapidly cooling coffee in shame as he realizes he’s been making plans to join them, to go off to college and then conscientiously extricate himself from her life, little by little, bit by bit, until he’s down to a subsistence diet.  To the bare-essentials of what he needs to survive.  Never once thinking about Leslie’s needs.

God, he is such an ass.

Marlene who has been silent for a little while, gets up to pour herself another cup of coffee, before coming over to sit back down and drop another bombshell on him.  “You know, sometimes I wonder if your father and I should have waited until after the two of you went to college to get married.”

Oh god. He feels a cold finger of dread crawl its way down his spine at her words, and suddenly all he can think is:  She knows.  She knows how he feels about her daughter, and he’s going to die.  Up here in all this outdoors, Marlene probably knows a dozen ways to kill him and make it look like an accident.  Maybe that’s why they’re camping in the first place.  Maybe this was her plan all along . . .

It’s about this time that the rest of what Marlene’s saying starts to sink in.  “—it’s not that we’re not happy you two get along so well.  After all, that’s the whole reason we decided to get married when we did.  Give all of us the chance to try to be a family.  But--” she purses her lips, and narrows her eyes, “Maybe we were a little too successful?”

And the terror’s back.  “Too successful?”

“Up until two days ago, all Leslie ever talked about was going to IU and being close to home.  She’s already learned the fight song.”  That makes him almost smile despite himself, because of course she has.  He bites the inside of his mouth just in time to stop it.  Marlene continues.  “And your father tells me you’ve been collecting brochures for out of state schools ever since the two of you moved to Indiana.  But suddenly here I am buying sweatshirts for Purdue.”

“I didn’t ask-”

Marlen waves his protest away.  “Of course you didn’t.”  Then in a seeming nonsequitor:  “Did you know Ann Perkins did Model UN all last year?”

-----

When I get a little more time I'll try to bullet point out for you where I was going.

[corazondefae]

9-18-24: Processing

I got vaxxed twice today! Woo!

It was my first time ever getting the flu vaccine and I got the new COVID vaccine as well! I'm both hoping I have side effects so I can call out tomorrow and hoping I don't so I don't have to call out tomorrow because I need money...

I had therapy earlier today and it really got me thinking about how much my mental health truly affects my every day life.

My nervous system is trying to heal itself. I'm no longer in an environment where I have to be on edge 24/7. I'm not going into details but a year ago I experienced something very traumatic. I witnessed violence within my family and I had to keep it together as there were young kids in the house at the time.

This experience truly shattered my world. Even now, I don't know how I got through it and I'm still processing everything that happened. I took two days off of work and then went back. Sure, I was depressed and everybody could see, but I was working to distract myself from my terrible home life. Now that I've moved out with my husband I'm learning how to live instead of survive.

I'm in the process of getting an official PTSD diagnosis, which is wild to say. I always felt like I never went through "enough trauma" (whatever that means) in order to officially be diagnosed. Yes, I've experienced traumatic events in my life, but surely that doesn't mean I have PTSD...right? (Wrong!)

I'm also processing my feelings towards referring to myself as disabled. Physically, I'm mostly fine. However, my mental health really does affect my every day life and I never noticed it until recently.

My mental health has greatly impacted my nervous system, daily functioning, relationships with others, and ability to do essential tasks such as showering, going to work, completing my associate's, taking care of myself.

---

Lets go through some things my mental illnesses do for me, shall we?:

OCD - Makes me anxious every waking moment due to constant intrusive thoughts, avoidance of certain places or actions (ex: eating) due to fear of my intrusive thoughts becoming reality, avoidance of loved ones if they are dealing with something that triggers my OCD, spending up to hours cleaning and washing anything I've deemed "contaminated" (especially my hands), constant reassurance-seeking in intentional and unintentional ways all the time, a few times I've started spiraling and almost started to believe I was hallucinating an entirely different reality to the "real" one

PTSD - Anxiety in my home to the point I was taking Melatonin every night so I could leave as soon as possible in the morning, constantly being on edge to the point where the TV being too loud made me drop everything so I could check it was just the TV and not people screaming at each other, remembering traumatic situations so many times, actively triggers my OCD as well so I have obsessions related to my trauma, too anxious to do tasks even in a safe environment because I'm afraid that one day something terrible will happen which leaves me depressed as well, constant stress since the situation was never resolved, constant guilt, I still shake and my voice wavers when I talk about it

PMDD - THE IRRITABILITY AND RAGE OH MY!, constantly talking myself off the edge while in the middle of my workday, work ethic goes down significantly due to how miserable I feel, short but terrible depressive episodes starting around two weeks before my cycle, getting angry at others for no reason to the point I can't recognize myself sometimes (luckily I'm pretty good at keeping the anger in), not having motivation to do anything, have to leave work early sometimes which has wrecked my PTO

---

I think I needed to write that down so I don't feel like I'm overreacting. My pain is valid. My mental pain is valid. And it would still be valid if it didn't significantly alter my life.

I'm doing all that I can to be better. I am so much better than I was and I want to be better than I am now. But I need to allow myself to wallow in my pain as well. I cannot let it consume me but I cannot cage it either. I guess that's what I'm doing right now.

---

Other than that, today has been less productive than I wanted it to be! I still need to go grocery shopping. Too late to do that today :(

I tried doing my nails today but I tried a new method and it did NOT work out well! I'll try again on my next day off.

I leave you all with my latest obsession: Sabrina Carpenter

[lumenflowered]

Hello. My name is Maria—nothing more, nothing less. I am a Faller hailing from a place known as Yharnam, though I am currently in the Johto region. It is a less harsh place than what I am used to; I would not recommend requesting further information regarding Yharnam unless you are mentally prepared.

Out of a lack of anything better to do after falling here, I embarked upon the Gym Challenge. At the time of writing this, I bear seven of the eight Johtonian badges, and intend to attain the eighth as soon as I have recovered enough to travel.

As of less than a week ago, I have been Chosen as a champion of sorts by Ho-oh, a Pokémon with power tantamount to the gods of my former world. While I still have rather complicated feelings regarding the matter, the gods of this world are considerably kinder than those I am used to, and doing this allowed me to put an end to Team Rocket's machinations once and for all.

My team is as follows: Rakuyo (Meganium, X) Hunter (Furret, F) Molotov (Arcanine, M) Adeline (Gengar, F) Evelyn (Seadra, F) Eileen (Honchkrow, F)

Adeline, my Gengar, rather likes to steal my device and make posts for herself—she is considerably better with this world's technology than I, so I have no qualms with this—and her commentary can be found in purple.

Though this has thus far only occurred once twice thrice, Ho-oh has utilized this platform and blog to communicate directly with me and others before, and they have done so in bold orange text. They have recently adopted another name in addition to their first: Solaire.

A very angry child named Silver, who inexplicably decided to form a rather one-sided rivalry with a grown woman, is unlikely to be on the blog again given how much the anonymous masses of Rotomblr set back my progress in having a reasonable conversation with him. However, while he was posting here, he used blue.

I am more than happy to discuss a great many things. Do keep in mind that I hail from a far deadlier place than this one, should you care to ask about my past prior to Johto.

...I still would rather like to know why and how I am here at all.

(OOC info under cut.)

Sup, it's still @ofstormsandfire getting perhaps a little too invested in my silly little blog where I throw a Bloodborne boss into the world of pokemon. I really wanted to make a faller blog of some kind, and promised myself that I could if I survived Nanowrimo, and... then I did. And went well, alright, Lady Maria's going to have a great time in Johto!

(That was sarcasm. Though honestly even a terrible time in Johto is an improvement over what she's used to.)

Do keep in mind that Maria is in fact a Bloodborne boss and as such will be unfazed by things that would disturb the vast majority of characters. I'll happily tag things as necessary, just ask if I've missed something you would like tagged.

Here's some navigational tags for y'all. If/when I actually reach the conclusion of this blog's story maybe I'll make more.

#firebird arc: I smashed together the Radio Tower plot and the Ho-oh plot, made the Kimono Girls more relevant, and also ramped up the stakes a little. Called that because Ho-oh is a firebird and also I'm 90% sure there's a kind of rocket called the Firebird. I like puns. I also put way too much effort into this and I regret nothing.

#the vampire allegations: A couple of people made jokes about Maria being a vampire. Admittedly, she is from Cainhurst which is the closest Bloodborne gets to proper vampires, and I thought it would be really funny to have her be allergic to garlic for legitimately mundane reasons.

#rainbow wings: That time Ho-oh showed up on the blog specifically to tell Maria to take a break. Same tag is used whenever Ho-oh turns up. (It's been like three times now.)

#what's with this sassy lost child?: The Silver takeover. For some reason the last couple posts just aren't showing up in the tag despite being tagged with exactly the same thing, but he got Pelipper Mailed bad memories of his dad and promptly dipped.

#hints to the future: Bits of prose foreshadowing things to come, because I got really into that one ask game with the gears.

[coraniaid]

The recent best episode poll results being so heinous has got me wondering: did you ever see this list? I'd love whatever thoughts you feel like sharing lmao

https://www.vox.com/culture/2017/3/10/14807808/buffy-the-vampire-slayer-every-episode-ranked-20th-anniversary

So, my first reaction was that this list is ... not great, but not very shocking if you've been in the Buffy fandom for a while? The top three being Hush, The Body and Once More With Feeling especially -- that matches IMDB's top three too and, although only one of them is a contender for my own personal top ten, I'm not surprised to see them doing well here.

I think I share your confusion about why OMWF is quite so popular -- yes, the conceit is surprisingly well executed and a couple of the songs are honestly pretty good, but the actual plot ("somebody summons a demon for no particular reason and it turns out it was ... oh, it's not important, let's say, uh, Xander") is so incredibly perfunctory -- but at this point I can't pretend to be surprised by it being popular. (I would rank both Hush and, in particuar, The Body a lot higher, but I'm not sure either is quite in contention for very best episode either in my book.)

As @booksandchainmail pointed out recently, memorability (via some strong distinct hook that separates it from the rest of the season) is a big part in why individual episodes get rated highly on these sorts of lists and those three episodes do have very clear, well executed gimmicks. (But then, I think that's true of Restless and Who Are You? as well, and obviously they're not ranked quite as high despite also being more solidly immersed in the show's continuity and showcasing a lot more of the show's true strengths.)

To me though, that memorability and distinctiveness almost counts against them: yes, they are fun deviations from the usual Buffy formula but I am a fan of the show beause I like that formula! I think the Buffy writers are (mostly) good at dialogue, and at consistent characterisation over a long stretch of episodes, and at calling back to previous seasons and engaging on conversation with the show's own history, and at using monsters and demons as metaphors for more mundane problems. So an episode that deliberately doesn't have much spoken dialogue or doesn't have anything supernatural happen in it or that features a never before seen monster of the week and isn't really connected to the main season plot simply cannot, to my reckoning, be held up as the show at its best.

I think the very best Buffy episodes should epitomize the show, not stand in contrast to it. That' why I'm much more comfortable with suggesting the show's various finales as its best episodes (and these do tend to be the other class of episode that dominate these sorts of lists) because generally those are the episodes that each season has been consciously building towards.

On the other hand, the longer I look at the rest of the list the more egregious some of the choices on it start to seem. As well as the handful of outright factual errors (Smashed definitely isn't the fourteenth episode of Season 6, for example, despite the list claiming it is twice), a few things that catch my eye are:

Lies My Parents Told Me in almost the exactly middle of the list is laughably generous (and "Nikki Wood is my favorite past slayer" seems a very odd thing to write, given how little competition there is for that slot and what this episode does to her memory), but at this point I'm just relieved not to see it in the top ten.

I won't pretend to think that Beer Bad is good but to me it's (almost) bad in the way some of the earliest episodes are: it's silly and forgettable and kind of harmlessly inconsequential. It doesn't really need to exist, but I'm not angry that it was made. It doesn't ruin months of characterization or completely derail a long-running arc, and it's not jarringly racist or offensive. So I don't think it's anything like the show at its worst (there are several worse episodes in Season 4 alone).

I'm also slightly surprised to see Something Blue as high up this list as it is (though perhaps a little less surprised than I would have been a week ago). It's okay, but it's not .... great, is it? I mean, call me unsophisticated, but I happen to think that a comedy episode should have more than one joke. I mean, this is definitely not a popular opinion, but I really don't see much diffference in quality between Something Blue and Bad Eggs: to me, they are both solidly average episodes which live and die on how much you already like their respective iteration of the Scooby Gang. But one gets held up as one of the show's best episodes and the other is consistently rated as one of its very worst.

Ultimately I'm not sure I can take seriously a list of 'best' episodes that ranks Revelations below both Buffy vs Dracula and The Pack. Or one that ranks Storyteller above Prophecy Girl.

On the other hand, the list does acknowledge (in its recap of Dead Things, which I think it underrates quite a bit), that Buffy didn't actually come back wrong. So, you know, on balance it probably irritates me a bit less than the average Buffy Tumblr post.