#i am not scared (genuine) but i am very awake now due to the Noise. like what is your problem. just stay on the worktop. grow up

[raspberryripley]

in bed (i am alone in the house) n just heard something (pot lid? travel mug? loud bowl?) fall and spin and ring out in the kitchen below (unclear cause) (i am alone in the house) so if i never post again (ignoring my weeks of queue) it is likelu because some manner of ghost / horror / home invader etc got me. or the spiders again

[howlsofbloodhounds]

Delta anon here and I have more sleep-based headcanons:

Delta's startle response is intensely hightened when he's waking up. So let's say, based on the idea that you had, that Delta's sleepy ass is somehow at a cliff. When Epic has to tackle-hug him and Color has to use his Grablings to get him away from the cliff, he's going to wake up and immediately wake up fighting because he has no idea what's going on, all he knows is he's being tackled. So he'd definetly swing, and both Epic and Color would have to dodge very very quickly.

On top of that, he's an incredibly light sleeper. If he's knocked out at his workbench and one of his friends tries to cover him with a blanket to be nice, he'll wake up with a harsh startle instantly.

When he has nightmares, his startle response is the worst. If he wakes up screaming and the first thing he sees is someone's face, he will attack without recognizing who it is.

And because his nightmares are so bad, after a particularly horrible one, they'll do ANYTHING to stay awake for as long as possible. They'll never admit it, but they're scared of the nightmares, and the dark. (Beta keeps a nightlight on in their room. If questioned, Delta says it's to see easier during the night and heavily denies it being for anything else.)

But speaking of the dark, I'd imagine that Delta cannot see very well in the dark. Like can't see 5 feet in front of him in the dark. This is mostly due to Beta's being trapped in a jar in the dark for who-knows-how-long. But they will never admit this (though Color and Epic are able to figure it out pretty quickly).

If one of their other friends is sleeping over, if he doesn't trust them, Delta won't sleep around them. If Killer's in the house and spending the night, you bet his ass is staying up all night with Epic. But if Cross is over, he'll probably sleep, because he knows Cross isn't cruel enough to try to do anything in his sleep (that, and he just trusts Cross more than Killer). If both are over, then he probably won't sleep until at least Killer leaves the house.

White noise/rain sounds knock them out. Every time. It's the easiest way to get him to fall asleep.

If they become hyperfixated on something, they will literally not allow themselves to sleep or rest until it's done. Like if they get fixated on making something new, they're not taking a break until that thing is finished being made. However, when he's not rested at all, he will be much more irritable and snappy than usual. He will try not to be because he genuinely doesn't want to lash out at people, but he can't really help it. (If Killer tries anything during this time, Delta will 100% lash out.)

Anyways, that's all I got for now. Thoughts?

Delta reminds me of my teacher trying to wake me up in class and all the times I almost fell out of my chair and straight on my ass because I always startled so badly.

And I don’t blame Delta for not sleeping whenever Killer’s in the house 💀. His ass is certainly not above watching someone sleep, even if he doesn’t do anything—mostly because people are vulnerable in sleep and you could learn things like that.

And also he’d enjoy freaking Delta out or making him uncomfortable, like a bit of sadistic validation that he can control his emotions like that. Even when Epic and Delta stay up he’s definitely still gonna watch them. (Insert the “does it do anything else?” meme.)

And the not being able to see well in the dark gave me the idea of like, delta’s leaving his bedroom or his workshop at bumfuck 3 AM for a glass of water—tired, rubbing his eyes, yawning. Going to get a glass of water from the kitchen, when something moves in the corner of his eyes and his exhausted self is tripping over. Falling face first on the thankfully carpeted floor with a loud grunt.

And while he’s groaning, all hears is a devious cackle somewhere in the dark, and he doesn’t see anything when he rolls back over, but he knows deep down in his soul who did this, so he immediately starts cursing out Killer.

[yandere-wishes]

Aquaphobia //Yandere Leviathen x reader//

Oh, have I never mentioned that I am MORTIFIED of water and literally any sea creatures...no? It must have slipped my mind.

For this story, I'm making a few assumptions. 1) Levi can turn into some sort of sea monster-like thing I'm assuming it looks like a cross between a Megladon/Giant squid/ Sea serpent. 2) He can communicate with sea creatures. 3) The giant horrifying aquarium that basically makes up his back wall is in reality linked to either an ocean or somewhere that houses a bunch of dangerous sea beings. 4) In addition to sea animal communication Levi posses Aquakinesis

------------------------------------------------------------------------

For as long as you can remember water has always haunted you.

The large bodies of H2O particles have never failed to shake you to your very core. 

In every single nightmare you ever recall, you are drowning in one of those shallow blue celestial bodies. The colorless liquid invading your mouth, clawing its way to where your lungs rested, joyously filling and choking them. 

Sea roamers of all kinds flocked to your drowning corps, millions of eyes drinking in your defenseless form, from the beady black shark eyes to the yellow cyclops eye of a giant squid. A fraction of a second later and those beastes were sinking their fangs into your tender flesh, large tentacles wrapping themselves around an arm or leg and tugging it until it detached from the rest of your corps. 

But in the end, you always woke up, always resumed your day as if nothing had come to pass the night before, back then you knew that it was only a nightmare....however this time you weren't so sure. 

Out of all seven brothers you'd always dreaded Leviathan the most. You had nothing against his "otaku" like ways or his unkempt appearance. No, it was simply what he was that made you keep your distance. 

Yet the third born seemed to have other plans for you. Leviathan hates "normies", the average demons and humans that overpopulate the earth, mocking those like him who have hobbies and likings that are "abnormal" in their eyes, forcing them to live shameful lives of isolation. Due to the superiority of normies in all three realms Levi had never once come across someone as abnormal as himself...that was until the new exchange student had arrived. At first, they had seemed to be just like anyone else, a normal human with absolutely nothing extravagant about them. But as time progressed Levi became aware of just how similar the two of them were. She would spend hours talking to Mammon about the newest anime or the latest level of the video game she was playing. Her tone was always so excited and pure, eyes gleaming and radiating happiness. But Mammon never understood, he simply scuffed and made some degrading comment about her being a nerd or worst then Levi. 

Maybe it was then and there that Levi had decided you were the one. That if anybody angel, demon or human would ever understand him, ever be this alike to him, it would be you, it had to be.

You didn't want to go to his room. You'd avoided it like the plague after Mammon had described the bathtub bed and giant aquarium that drew its water from one of the Devildom's massive oceans. The avatar of greed had even vividly described how the ceiling tiles could pull away, reveling yet another large aquarium for a roof. 

It sounded worst than any haunted house, a place you would never dare venture into. But this time you didn't have a choice, try as you may you couldn't get out of this. 

Earlier that day you'd awaken to something cold and yet trailing down your visage. The mere texture of the substance had jolted you from your slumber, the fear of the colorless liquid had bounded itself deep into your body's habits and subconscious. Eyes dilate, body frozen, tears at the brink of falling. A moist want reached out and cupped your chin, turning your neck too briskly that you were sure you heard a few bones "pop". A squeal escaped your lips only to be met with an instantaneous "shh, be quiet".  Your (eye color) orbs landed on the third born, his eyes housed a sort of sick glee it matched the sadistic twisted smirk he dawned on his face. Maybe it was the adrenaline pumping through your veins, maybe it was the fact that you'd just awoken and your brain was still partly asleep. Either way, you could have sworn that Leviathan's teeth had somehow changed. They where long and jagged, bending at roots were they sprouted from his gums, to top off the horror thin lines of thick juicy crimson highlighted the tips and betweens of his shark life teeth. 

By now you had begun to sob, tears flowing non stop from your puffy red eyes. Your body was frozen you dared not move, vocal cords had given up and your tongue laid dead at the bottom of your mouth.

"Hello, princess sleep well?" Despite it seeming so innocent there was a sort of mocking laced into the question.

You noticed something in his other hand. A large familiar blue-colored plushy with a gasmask was suffocating in this grasp. That was a rare collectible you'd somehow managed to win from a Crain game back in the human world. You never slept a night without, feeling safe whenever you held it in your embrace. When you'd arrived in the Devildom you'd practically begged Lucifer to retrieve it for you. It had taken all so many tears and tantrums, in addition, to agree to take over his chores for the course of two months. The day the firstborn had carelessly tossed it to you, had probably been the second happiest day of your life. 

Levi let out a cruel giggle as he brought your prized possession closer to your face. His long nails dug into the fabric of its forehead as he dangled it before your eyes. "It's kinda cute, what show is it from?" This time round he sounded genuin, no inanity to be heard. Yet you didn't speak still petrified and stiff. 

One heartbeat

two heartbeats

three heartbeats--

"Fine! What you won't talk to me cause you think you're better than me?!" You shook your head slowly, the gesture barely being noticeable. Yet he picked up on it. He let out another string of offensive giggles "You're scared, right? Afraid the big bad sea monster will eat you?". Oh, God how desperately you wished you could run. Find Mammon or Lucifer and cling to them. To find any means to get away from this monster. 

His fingers fell from your face, he turned without saying another word and made his way to the door. As he opened it, he called behind his shoulder. " If you want it back, come to my room at midnight and come alone" He then slammed the door abandoning you to your thoughts and terrors. 

In short, that was why you were standing in front of the door that would lead you to your personal hell. You had no desire to step foot into his room and yet it was the sole means to retrieving your stuffed monster. Hesitantly you lifter your hand to knock, your finger had not touched the wood when the door creaked open and something slithered around your arm and dragged you into Leviathan's room. 

"I-I'm h-here know p-please give it back--"

Your back collided with the cold tiled floor. You let out a scream of pain before Levi's hand was shoved over your mouth. 

"Be quiet would ya?" His orange and purple orbs gazed into your wide mortified eyes. He let out a sigh and his gaze softened. "(Y/N)...I-I've never felt this way about anyone before...well maybe Ruri-chan and Sugar Frenzy's lead singer for a short period of time, oh and this one...nevermind! Look I-I feel like your something different okay. I g-guess that I have a little crush on you. Noting big alright! But-but what do you say (Y/N) will yo be mine? We'd make a great couple! We like the exact samethings, share practically the same opinions. We are meant to be one!" Slowly he lifted his hand from your mouth, an excited smile playing at his lips, his eyes sparkled with joy and exhilaration. Maybe if you'd have time to think this trough you would have felt bad about what you next words where. 

The second his hand was removed from your mouth you shouted.

"NO! No no no no no! Never! I can't I just can't your a freaking sea monster you--"

No sooner had the words left your mouth that you felt your head accelerate forward and then get smashed on the wet hard floor. The notion repeated again and again. You where sure you were bleeding, some sort of concussion must have formed, your sight was blurry and spots were dancing everywhere. 

"You stupid normi! You tricked me! I thought you were like me! That would actually love someone like me! You made me freaking fall in love with you, you bitch!" 

He twisted your head to the side and pushed your face into the floor. "You're scared of water aren't you? Your sacred of what lives in the water too right? Is that why you don't love me (y/n)? Cause I'm some sort of water freak? Well? Damit answer me!"

"Yes" you choked out "y-yes L-Leviathan, I'm scared of you!" He let out a furious sigh, his tail wrapped around your neck and hosted you up pressing you into the glass of the aquarium. An odd noise filled to room, something alike to buzzing yet..somehow very different. "You know what's funny (y/n)? I may be some sort of freak, but I'm also the only thing keeping you safe from the horrors behind the class." 

Something was swimming closer and closer, it's figure getting bigger and bigger. The teeth and large snout and hulking dorsal fins soon became evident what was coming toward you. You screamed, the noise echoed and bounced from one wall to the next. Your throat started to bleed and go raw, your mind blank with the loud ringing of alarms or was that your heart trying to break your ribcage and runaway?

As the monstrous shark swam only a few centimeters away from the glass, you could feel the sensitivity and life drain from your corpse, blackness taking over. You tried to remain awake to grip on to conscious, darkness was not friendly for it only showed the monsters face, the image burned permanently into your brain. 

As you slipped away into a stygian dream world, Levi brought your limp body to his chest cradling you gently and sweetly kissing your forehead. He waved a hand dismissively at his "pet" and watched for a second as it swam away. He lifted you up and brought you over to his bed. Placing you carefully inside. He placed your stuffy next to you and stood up admiring the aesthetic of your sleeping form. You were so gorgeous when you weren't scared or defensive. 

"You're mine (y/n), finally! I'm never going to let anyone else come near.. you never!"

[whumpflumpthump]

MacGyver Fic Continuation

Continuation of this, which was a continuation of this. :)

Hi wonderful people!!  I am back with the third and (probably) final installment in my very small story that stemmed from “Waking Up.”  I hope you enjoy one of my first attempts at fluff!  

Warnings: Mentions of violence and torture.

I hope you enjoy!!

....

“I got it!” Riley exclaimed from where she was sitting, perched behind her computer.

Bozer, Riley, Jack, and Matty all jumped up.  They had all gathered in the War Room after Mac had failed to meet Jack for their dinner.  After looking in the usual places for him, and Mac not answering any of their calls, they had assumed that he had been taken, a circumstance that sadly happened way too often in their line of work.

“Where is he Riley?” Jack asked.

“Some abandoned warehouse on the West side of town.  I sent the address to your phone.”

“A TAC team is waiting on you downstairs,” Matty said, “Go get our boy back.”

Jack nodded and walked out the door.

When he noticed Riley and Bozer following him, he turned to argue, but one look at their faces told him they would not be swayed.

Sighing, he continued on.  Reaching the awaiting TAC team, he quickly gave them a run down of the situation and the address Riley had given them.

Without pausing to make sure he was understood, Jack, Riley, and Bozer made their way to the waiting truck.  Within two minutes they were on their way.

No one talked the entire twenty-minute drive, they were all worried.  Not everyone knew the blonde as well as his team did, but none of them were blind to his boyish charm and the kindness that he showed to everyone he met.  There was no denying that they all felt a certain fondness over Angus MacGyver.

After their silent trip, they had finally arrived at the address.  It looked like it used to be a storehouse for some canning company, but had fallen into disrepair as the business closed.  It now was covered in a greenish-brown vine that crawled up the edge of the building to give the whole warehouse a very unsettling appearance, and with the slow rain falling outside, it looked like a scene from a very bad horror movie.

Of course they would choose the creepiest building.

And why did it have to be raining?

Jack was beginning to hate the person who took Mac even more than he had previously, which was no easy feat.

The TAC team spread out to scan the perimeter.  After a chorus of “Clear”s, they were ready to breach.  Jack was practically bouncing with anticipation as they prepared to enter.  

Riley seemed to sense his anticipation, and moved to be next to him.  “He’ll be alright.  He’s Mac,” she said quietly, fighting down her own nerves.

Jack couldn’t seem to find the energy to respond, so he just nodded.  He waited one more second, and then opened the door, trying to make the least amount of noise possible.  

They slowly crept inside, and, once his eyes adjusted to the dim light inside the warehouse, Jack saw he was in a large room, with two little hallways branching off to the left and right.  

Half of the team took the left hallway, and the other half, including Jack, took the right.

As he was walking through the damp corridor, Jack pulled one of his guns out of the holster on his hip.  His unease was mounting every second that he didn’t see the skinny blonde that had somehow wormed his way into his heart.

Finally, he reached the end of the hallway, and was facing a door.  When he opened it, he saw he was staring down a staircase.  When the building was still in use, it probably led down to a freezer room.  As he, followed by half the TAC team, walked down the stairs, he found himself in front of another door.  

When he opened this one, he saw that it still led to a small room, but it was no longer a freezer.  In the middle of the room, with his back to them, sat Mac.

“Mac!” Jack exclaimed, forgetting to check his surroundings before racing towards the boy. “Mac!” he shouted again when he didn’t get an answer.

He discovered why when he saw Mac clearly.  His head was drooped over his chest, and he was obviously unconscious.  Anger for whoever did this was simmering in Jack, threatening to spill over into rage, but he pushed it down.  Revenge could wait, his first mission was to get Mac to Phoenix Medical,  

He found himself gasping as he took in the rest of MacGyver’s injuries.  His shirt was hanging in threads, and cuts of varying depths were littered all over the boy’s body, from his chest to his forearms.  However, the worst was the wound from the knife that was still stuck in Mac’s thigh, blood slowly oozing out.

Jack pulled his gaze away from Mac’s cuts to focus on the restraints keeping him in his chair.  He started working on the leather straps across his ankles, and, once those were free, he moved on to his wrists.  As he started to undo the leather, Mac groaned as the leather rubbed against his already raw wrists.  Jack glanced sympathetically towards his friend, but continued to undo his restraints. 

Once he finished with Mac’s wrists, he moved to the strap across his chest, slowly undoing it.  Mac started to slump forward, and Jack frantically searched for a way to brace him, without putting much pressure on Mac’s bloody chest.  He quickly moved so that he was holding Mac upright by his shoulders, and then scooped Mac up so he was holding him bridal style in his arms.

As he was carrying MacGyver out, he noticed something sitting on a small table.  

It was a wine cork.

Murdoc.

He was going to kill that-

His thoughts were interrupted by the entrance of Riley and Bozer, red faced.  They looked at Jack and the unconscious blonde in his hands and their faces fell.

“Is he...” Riley started, unable to finish.

“Yes, he’s alive.  Right now I really just need to get him back to Medical, and RIley,” he called back, already rushing out of the room, “Tell Matty it was Murdoc.”

...

Mac awoke slowly, his bright blue eyes fluttering open.  The first thing he noticed was the bright fluorescent lights above him.  He knew what that meant.  He was in Medical, again.

As he looked down to examine himself, he noticed that the many cuts on his chest and arms were bandaged, along with the stab wound on his leg.  The pain had also decreased, probably due to the pain medication that was definitely getting pumped through the IV hooked up to him.

Finally, he noticed the other occupant in the room, Jack.  He was sitting in a chair, seemingly lost in thought, as he had not yet realized Mac was awake.

“Jack,” Mac said, his voice barely a whisper.

Jack almost jumped at that, turning to face the bed where Mac lay.  “Buddy, you scared me for a minute there.”  He said it with a smile, but Mac could see the genuine fear underneath, he frowned.

“I’m sorry,” Mac said, “for worrying you.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for, man. Besides, I knew you’d pull through, you always do.”

“Jack,” Mac said, his tone growing more urgent, “it was Murdoc, that’s who kidnapped me.”

“We know buddy,” Jack’s eyes darkened, “he made sure we knew.  But don’t worry, the team is working on finding him as we speak, and I won’t ever let anything like that happen. Ever. Okay?’

Mac wasn’t sure he could keep that promise, but he smiled nonetheless, “Got it,”

“Now,” Jack said, starting to smirk “there are some pretty worried people out there dying to see you.”

....

Thanks so much for reading!! I think that’s it for this story, I hope you enjoyed it!  Have a great day!!

[wafflewarriors]

The Dealbreaker

Chapter 7

You gasped awake, clutching your throat. You were so tense you felt ready to snap in half, and you trembled like a leaf would in a storm. Still panicked and shaking from the nightmare, you stumbled out of bed. You could feel the echo of the devil in your mind, as if he had left a trace of himself to haunt you. Hugging yourself, you made your way tiptoeing down the hall and into the kitchen. There, you decided to make some hot cocoa. Hot cocoa helped everything.

As you warmed some water and poured the powder into your cup, you clutched your head, reliving your dream.

How much of my life was real?

Beep beep beep. You took the water out of the microwave and set it on the counter where it steamed.

Why had he chosen me?

You poured it into the cup. You stirred it.

Would my brother still be alive?

Impulsively, you downed the still hot cup of cocoa, trying to burn out the terrifying thoughts that had rooted themselves in your mind. You were right. It definitely brought your thoughts away from Lucifer and back to reality. You focused on the numbness of your burnt tongue.

Dean entered the kitchen in his pajamas. His brows were scrunched in thought when he saw your cup and he made connections. “What’s the big idea? Felt like I was breathing fire over there. It’s not a nice thing to wake up to.”

Sam entered the kitchen as well, making eye contact with Dean and you and then slightly relaxing. He looked to you for an explanation.

You could only make eye contact with the counter. “Lucifer visited me in my dreams.”

Their eyes widened in unison. Sam’s expression was more of fear and Dean’s was more of anger, but they both looked very concerned for you.

“He’s why I’m immortal. He’s why my house burned down. He's—” you inhaled shakily. “He’s why my brother is dead. He’s manipulated my entire life.”

The Winchesters shared a look.

“I’m his weapon to get to you. He can get to you with someone who can’t fight back.”

Sam said, “Then we’re going to protect you.”

“And how are you going to do that? I am a liability here. I’m your weakness now. Doesn’t that scare you both? Because it sure as hell scares me.”

“Of course it scares us. I think that a common misconception is that we aren’t afraid of anything. When we’re probably scared of more things than most people are. We have more to worry over. The sake of the planet, of the families in it, of our friends, of you.” Sam told you. “Especially Dean.”

Dean scoffed. “What? Nah, I’m Batman.”

“Dean’s a mother hen,” Sam corrected.

Dean looked slightly offended, and you laughed.

Suddenly, the cold suffocation you’d felt earlier had dispersed. You felt warm and almost happy in the presence of the Winchesters. They made you feel safe, and warm, and loved.

“Let’s decorate your room a bit, why don’t we?”

You briefly glanced at your empty cup of cocoa. Apparently it did help with everything. Huh. Was it strange you hadn’t expected it to? “I would love that.”

///

Apparently the bunker had a storage room, so that was new.

“I don’t think I even know half of what’s in here,” Dean admitted.

The room was rather large, in some places the boxes reached the ceiling, but there was room to walk around and look through them.

At first, it was rather normal. Some hunting gear, some kitchen supplies here and there. There wasn’t much exciting. The most interesting thing Dean found was some cuffs.

But the next box Dean opened up, he threw his head back and fell to the floor laughing. The laugh was genuine and real, and it left him howling and gasping for air once he finally composed himself.

“What is it?” Sam spoke for both of you.

Dean wiped tears from his eyes, sitting up, ready to explain. But then he looked back into the box and his laughter bubbled up again until he was on side holding his chest.

Curiosity got the best of you. You walked over, peered in, and began to giggle. Dean’s laughter was contagious and it kept you laughing until you couldn’t breathe.

“What?” Sam asked, marching over to look for himself when all he got in response was harder laughing. When he did see what was inside, he couldn’t help the reluctant smile that broke onto his face.

“Merry Christmas, Sammy!” Dean cackled as he raised the item from the box. It was a stuffed moose with a santa hat and a little bell, and it was very obvious why it was in storage. It’s eyes were crossed and the nose was a bit deformed. It looked as if it had gotten between a flamethrower and a wendigo and someone tried to patch it back up.

He shook it in Sam’s face while making stupid noises, and Sam turned to hide his growing smile.

“What if I—” Dean tried to stop his laughter as he breathed deeply. “What if I just keep hiding this around the bunker. Just, everywhere Sam isn’t expecting it. Behind the coffee pot, in a cupboard—”

“On his bed,” you pitched in.

That sent Dean into a fit of laughter again.

Sam began to laugh at the stupidity of it.

“Oh, man, this reminds me of my brother,” you said, before you remembered how dark it was to bring him up at a time like this.

That sombered everyone up pretty quickly, and you felt guilty for ruining the mood.

But Sam smiled softly. “Feels like home?”

“Yeah,” you said, and you meant it.

Sam’s smile dropped and he then spoke a bit more thoughtfully. “You don’t have a home, do you?”

Slowly, you answered, “No.”

“Then welcome to the bunker.” Dean offered you a cheesy, welcoming smile. “We’re not doing much good in here, would you like to go clothes shopping?”

You beamed, “Sure!”

///

You hadn’t been to a store like this in a long time. Sure, you’d been to the grocery store, but for clothes? Everything you’d ever owned was either hand-me-downs from your brother or cheap garage sale t-shirts and jeans. Sure, they did bring you to a thrift shop, due to their credit card scams and all that. And sure, these were technically hand-me-downs. But in all truth, this was a dream come true.

You examined a yellow flannel, throwing it into your basket and then some jeans and sweatpants. You could just imagine wearing this. And, wow, wasn’t that something. You also found some everyday things, like a little to-go compact mirror and a nice pocket knife.

Dean and Sam went off to do their own thing, probably browse some jackets.

You paid for your items with the few things you’d picked out and made your way out the Impala. Placing them in the backseat, you smiled to yourself. This was beginning to feel like a family. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad.

You walked back to the store to see what they were up to, and that’s when you ran into a man. He had come up from behind a car in the parking lot, and you hadn’t seen him. You were quick to apologize, but when you saw his face, you dropped your basket.

“Apology accepted,” he said. “Kind of.” He grabbed your arm and his hands were ice cold. And you were frozen. “Bummer the Winchesters aren’t here to see this. Oh well. They’ll figure it out when they see the dead cashier.” He smiled.

“We, are going on a road trip.”

Tags: @vicmc624 @satans-0-spawn @rosaren2498 @unicornblood4ever

[https-em]

Bucky Barnes: Power Outage

Warning: this is a smut!

(repost from my Wattpad)

This is my baby right here 👉🏻

Words: 4,000 - i put a whole ass storyline into this

Sum: While staying at the Avengers complex, Y/N finds herself stuck in a power outage, lucky there’s one other person awake to keep her company. Lemme tell you, she’s real lucky.

~

I turn my head stare out the window into the dark country sky. I admire the stars and the nice blue sky  In upstate New York, the rain crashing down against the window. I woke up in the middle of the night and I can't fall back asleep so now I am soaking in a bath. A dim light is in the corner of the room, not serving much light. I take my hand and play with some of the bubbles.

My own home got destroyed due to an Avenger incident, my apartment complex went down. Thankfully I'm closely aquatinted with Wanda who is allowing me to stay with her in the Avenger complex. No hard feelings, I got my own guest room honestly I can't complain. Tony and most of the Avengers have been gone out on business for a while, but Wanda and a few others are still here. Honestly it's been rather relaxing and welcoming.

Strangely, the dim light flickers off. I furrow my eyebrows and sit up in the tub. I'm in complete darkness.

"That's creepy," I whisper and stand up, pulling the drain lever. Maybe the bulb burnt out. I grab my towel and wrap it around myself, stepping out of the tub and drying myself off.

I drop my towel and grab my clean clothes, pulling shorts and a tank top over my body. I can see myself in the mirror, my tired eyes and wet hair. My shirt clings to my body, making it almost see through, but I figure I won't see anyone. I shiver and open the door which leads to the hallway. Everything is pitch black and I can't see anything. I begin to hear a faint noise far away, it sounds like bottles clinking together. I blindly walk towards the noise and my eyes slowly adjust to the darkness.

I turn random corners and realize I'm walking in the direction of the kitchen. It's very late, I wonder who is up. Gliding my fingers against the wall so I don't bump into anything, I see a dark figure moving around in the kitchen. Timidly, I walk towards it and cross my arms, feeling overwhelmingly cold.

"Hello?" I ask in a low voice.

I stand at the entry of the open kitchen, looking at this large figure which is not Wanda. His arms are moving around and it looks like he is pouring alcohol. His head looks up and his hair falls behind his head.

"Hey."

He has a low and calming voice, I know who that voice belongs to. My feet patter along the cold tile as I walk towards the counter. I can't really see anything but I can kind of see his face. I think that’s Bucky, I've talked to him before in these past couple of days. Before I came here, Wanda talked about him because she assumed I would be scared of him. I look down at the bottle he is pouring and see it's vodka. He is straight up drinking vodka in a whisky glass. He must take alcohol well. But it is past twelve in the morning– seems personal.

Moonlight shines from the window and surrounds us, giving me a better view of his face. He looks at me with kind eyes and pushes a glass towards me.

"What do you drink?" He asks and turns around to the alcohol cabinet.

I can tell he just came out of bed, he's wearing grey sweatpants and a tee shirt. I can see his metal arm that extends from his shoulder, I eye it for a moment, trying not to stare at it.

I stumble my words and say, "anything really." I wasn't planning on drinking tonight, I was actually planning to look at apartments in Manhattan.

He pulls a bottle of something out of the cabinet and turns towards me.

"Enjoying yourself so far?" He asks with a small smile on his lips.

I nod my head and say, "it was very generous of Tony to let me stay here. I'm leaving soon though."

He pours himself another glass of vodka and I can smell it from here, it's burning my nose. With that much alcohol in his stomach, he must be drunk.

"I haven't seen you around here that much," I mutter and drink some more of the wine. I think this wine costs more than me.

My mind trails off but then I recall that it's true, I have only spoke to him a couple of times but other than that, I haven't really seen him. I can tell he's shy and reserved.

He nods his head and speaks, "you can probably tell this place isn't very private. Tony has his security following me around all day. I'd rather live anywhere else but here honestly."

"Why's that?"

He shrugs his shoulders and says, "he thinks I'm a threat." My bottom lip pouts when he says that which makes him chuckle.

"Well," I speak and finish the glass. "You seem fine to me."

He smiles and looks up at me for a couple of seconds and we sit in silence. He's rather handsome, his stubble and hair compliment his face rather well, and even in the darkness I can see his deep eyes. Looking away, I stare out the window at the horrible storm.

I clear my throat and ask, "what happened with the lights?" Obviously trying to make small talk.

Bucky shrugs his shoulders, "just the storm probably. But no one is awake to fix it."

I laugh and look back up at him. So I'm stuck in darkness for who knows how long.

"Rough night?" I finally ask, watching him chug his glass of vodka.

He nods his head and stares down at the bottom of his glass. "Yeah." I couldn't help but feel bad for him. I feel rather comfortable around him, Wanda was right.

"You’re not alone on that one.”

I can see another smile forming on his face. "Why are you awake at this hour? Beauty sleep is important you know."

I laugh and respond, "I couldn't sleep so I took a bath. And then the power went out."

He nods his head and his mouth timidly opens like he's going to say something. His bottom lip falls and he timidly says, "you're being really nice to me." It almost sounded like a question.

I furrow my eyebrows In confusion and my words slowly stumble out, "why wouldn't I be nice to you?"

"I don't mean to state the obvious but,” he looks down at his arm and my gaze shifts to his to robotic piece. “the metal arm is kind of flashy," he jokes.

I shake my head and say, "Wanda throws things with her mind, I'm not one to judge."

"Well," he begins and plays with his glass. "I'm not used to this much kindness from a stranger. People don't take lightly on what I did." He taps the glass with his digits. “Not to get all sappy here, but..” He trails off with weak laughter.

A small smile forms across my cheeks and I shake my head, " I don't believe in ghost stories."

He mutters, "a lot of people do."

He smiles and his hand reaches over the counter for mine. My eyes follow his hand as I’m curious what he’s going to do. His hand wraps around mine and carries my hand to his lips. "You're a doll." He places a soft kiss on my knuckle, slightly grazing my knuckle with his sharp stubble. I can feel the warmth rising in my cheeks like I’m some child. We look at each other for a second, which seemed like forever, and just from those seconds I can tell he is in desperate need of loving– genuinely speaking as well. Our hands rest on the table, his on top of mine. Then I hear a loud familiar bang remarkably just outside the window; my body tenses up and I peer outside. Bucky couldn’t help but to chuckle a little. The amount of thunder outside is making me wonder how long this complex will be in darkness.

My eyes finally meet Bucky’s and I sense some sort of tenderness in them. My first instinct was to question his sobriety, but then again I don’t think any human would even be standing from drinking that much alcohol. “Are you drunk?” My head falls and I watch our hands.

"No."

And that was all I needed. There’s something about how he’s scanning all over my face and arms, and shoulders, and my neck– something rather extraordinary.

Bucky slips his hand away from mine and reaches into his pocket, fiddling for something. I look down at my empty hand and swallow my disappointment. I slide my hand back to my wine glass and fiddle with the stem, distracting myself. I notice a bright light and look up to see Bucky on his phone. He squints from the light and his eyes crinkle as he analyzes the screen. I turn my head and stare out the window at the rain, watching as each bead hits the glass, splattering and cracking into multiple directions. I turn my direction back to Bucky, thinking of conversation to make.

From the speaker on the ceiling, I hear a robotic voice speak, "connected to IPhone." In confusion, I watch as Bucky places his phone down flat on the counter and he gives me a small smile. Surrounding me, I hear the sweet tune of Fly Me To The Moon by Frank Sinatra. I instantly smile in excitement.

Bucky sticks out his hand to me, and without sharing words, I know what he is asking.

I can feel myself being flattered by his request, and I stutter for a moment before eventually and uncertainty giving him my hand.

Bucky broke out into a toothy smile, pulling me into the open kitchen, right below the speaker. The music floods in all directions, I can feel it swaying around me. My eyes trail up his face and lock eyes with him. He bears such kind, watery eyes that visibly travel all around my face and body. Bucky tilts his head lower, leaning closer to me, causing pieces of his chocolate hair to fall on his cheeks.

Bucky lifts up his arm and twirls me around, I couldn't help but giggle. My hair whirls around my head and I come to a stop in front of him. His tired eyes look into mine and his hands grab at my waist, pulling me closer to him. I slide my hands up his neck, feeling the muscles and caressing his prickly skin, eventually resting them behind his head. We move in tiny circles to the smooth beat as I slightly sway my hips.

He twirls me around again, wind fluttering my hair, a thought comes to my head and I say again, "I think you're drunk."

He shakes his head and chuckles. "I'm not drunk."

The song ends and we continue to dance as another song which I don't know but it sounds old-timey. I swear I can do this forever. But he stops me in front of him and keeps his hands wrapped firmly around my waist. I can feel my heartbeat increasing, and my skin getting a hot flush of red as we stand on the cold tile just admiring each other. Truth be told, no words can stumble out of my lips right now, he has me locked in a trancelike state. My finger tips start to circle around pieces of his hair, making his tongue swipe across his bottom lip.

My lips part and I speak a couple of words, "we should get to sleep soon.” I look past his face and into the empty hall.

Bucky's smile fades and his face slowly moves closer to mine, his breath bouncing off of my face. Our faces are centimeters apart, I had an overwhelming feeling to move closer, like something was even pulling us closer

"I don't want to sleep."

  Then Bucky filled the gap and kissed me, I shut my eyes, sliding my hands down to his stubbly jaw, and gently gripping him, falling into his cracked lips. I kiss back, our lips gently moving together until he pulls away, staring down at my face with his eyebrows gently furrowed. I can feel my body temperature rising every second that he just looks at me with his deep eyes, there are hints of lust as well, him slowly looking at my body and every curve of my face just added to it. I can feel myself wanting more of him. Maybe it was the time, maybe it was the wine, or maybe it's just him- but I ache to show this man love.

Through the silence of us and the song playing in the background, he mumbles, "are you leaving soon?"

I nod my head and swipe his bottom lip with my thumb. "Yes," is all that I can say, it seems all of my words are choked up in my throat.

"I don't want you to."

His voice is deep and demanding, making me realize that I don't want to either. Bucky smushes his lips against mine, making a little moan slip out of my mouth. His lips separate from my mouth, making me ache for more, they slide down to my neck and I tilt my head back, giving into his gentle yet lustful kisses. His large hands swiftly make their way to my ass, and in a quick motion, he lifts me up into his arms. He detaches his lips from my neck, and cold air hits against the wet kiss marks, sending shivers down my body. Bucky gently places me down on the counter, his hands placed firmly on my waist.

His thick fingers run along my back, giving me tingles and a sensation I didn't know was possible. I can feel a heat and a tickling sensation run throughout my stomach and core as his wet lips tease me with kisses and his fingers dance along my back. I can taste the vodka on his tongue that plays with mine.

His hands move down to my thighs and he gently grabs at them. I wrap my legs around his waist and slide my hands down his torso and up his shirt, feeling his abs and every muscle on his body. He leaves a trail of sloppy wet kisses down my neck and soon the only noise in the room was our heavy breathing and slow music. Some part of me wants the lights to come back on so I can see every single part of him. I pull up his shirt and he stops kissing me. He rests his head on my chest and looks up at me.

“Are you sure?"

Before he can finish his sentence I cut him off and eagerly assure him, "yes."

Bucky goes to work, removing himself from me and pulling off his tee shirt. I gawk at his bulging biceps and thick torso. My eyes trail up his chest to his eyes, only see lust and passion in his them; Bucky bites down on his bottom lip and leans into me, kissing me softly, making sure there’s no skin left untouched. His rough, calloused hands run up my shirt and send a shiver throughout my entire body. I can feel myself getting excited and eager, rubbing my thighs together to make some friction. Under my shirt, Bucky grabs at my bare boobs, massaging me while lustfully kissing me. I grab at his lip with my teeth and gently pull his lip as little moans fall from my mouth.

He takes off my shirt and lets it drop to the floor, and for a moment he stares at my chest, admiring my body.

"You're gorgeous, doll."

I smirk and moan as he plants wet kisses on my exposed nipple. When he pulls away I get hit with a burst of cold air on my boobs. He leans into my ear, biting it and kissing my jaw. I throw my head back and tangle my hands into his hair, tugging gently at his locks. His breath on my neck sends shivers down my spine.

"I want you," I whisper into his ear.

Bucky grabs my thighs and roughly pulls me towards his hips. "Yeah?" He asks in a husky low voice. His voice makes my hormones go nuts, I can already feel myself dripping for him. I can feel his large excited bulge inside his sweatpants waiting for me as Bucky's hips grind against me.

"Not just yet, doll," he mumbles in my ear.

My body wants him, in a way I need him. His fingers hook in my shorts and pull them down, along with my panties. They both drop to the floor. I'm completely bare, and his eyes roam my body like I'm candy. Bucky hooks his arms around my thighs and pulls me to the edge of the counter. He bends down, coming eye to eye with my dripping pussy. His stubble runs along my inner thighs as he places small kisses on my skin. His tongue pressed between my folds, dipping deeply into my clit, teasing me. My free hand grabbed his hair, pulling it out of his face. Bucky licked kissed and sucked like he couldn't get enough of me, taking 'eating me out' to the next level.

"Bucky," I gasp and he looks up at me, staring into my eyes just to see how I react to his tongue flicks.

His mouth wraps around my pussy and pulls my thighs closer to him, locking his lips against my pussy. He doesn't stop, continuing to devour me, and his aggressive tongue sent me over the edge. He still stares up at me, watching me come close to my orgasm.

"James," I moan and throw my head back in ecstasy. I felt the tight coil inside myself snap, my walls tightening and legs trembling with the shocks of pleasure coursing through my body. I try to close my legs from my sensitive clit, but Bucky pushes them open and slowly licks the enternece of my pussy- cleaning me up. I think that was the quickest I have ever orgasmed.

I speak unintelligible words, "oh my god."

Bucky stands up and spreads my legs that feel like jelly across the counter.

He scans my entire body, taking the image of me in and muttering,” you’re gorgeous.”

He leans down and plants a kiss on my lips before taking his thumb and gliding it across my entrance. Bucky kisses me as his middle finger slowly slides inside my wet entrance. He pumps a couple of times and I whimper. His erect cock springs out and Bucky pulls my thighs closer to him, aligning himself with my entrance.

His hand circles his thick cock against my hot folds, and I swear his teasing is killing me. His cock scrapes against my sensitive nub and I let out gentle frustrating moans. I can feel myself trembling under his touch.

He finally aligned himself with me and stared into my eyes, slowly pushing himself inside of me, looking at me to see how I react. I let out a low hiss and bite my cheek as he pushed into my tight core. He watched my distressed face, slowly pumping in and out of my wet core. I can feel his veins rubbing against my walls, which only lead to more indescribable pleasure.

"Faster."

Bucky happily obliged, sliding deeper and harder into me. I tilt my head back in ecstasy. I had never felt to filled until this moment. Every hard thrust sent throbbing pleasure throughout my body. His hands comforted me, his cold metal hand placed on my waist, and his warm hand holding open my thigh, gently caressing it.

He looks at my face, admiring every ounce of pleasure I showed through my face. Bucky grunts and snaps his hips harder, pushing himself further inside of me. I mutter something like 'yes' or 'more,' his cock completely sending waves of pleasure inside me.

"You feel so good, babydoll," Bucky mutters, digging his fingers into my leg and hip.

After what seemed like minutes, the noises in the room got louder, our breath picked up, and our moans echoed throughout the room. It wouldn't take a genius to figure out what is going on in the kitchen, but I don't care.

I can feel myself coming over the edge, my hands went to my head, putting my hands over my head. Bucky snaps and rolls his hips one more time, making my body be sent over the edge and my walls tighten around him. All of the muscles in my body contract as I moan his name and he deeply fucks me. Bucky takes his hand and grabs my chin, making me look directly at him as I have a breathtaking orgasm. I swear I moaned his name over and over again. The feeling of my tightening walls around him and my moans was enough to make him cum on the spot. He pulls himself out of me and groans as a hot spurt of cum lands on my stomach, still staring into my ecstasy filled eyes.

We both calm down, he turns his head and kisses my leg with wet kisses.

"That was amazing," I whisper, laying lifeless on the counter like jelly.

Bucky chuckles and looks down at me with passionate eyes. He caresses my thighs and smiles down at me. Bucky places his hands on my hips and lifts me up to his chest, I look up in his eyes and he grabs the back of my head, pulling me into a lustful kiss.

He whispers, "I think you should stay for a little longer."

He was serious, just looking down into my eyes. I smile and say, "I think I should too."

He kisses the top of my head before bending down and pulling up his sweatpants. He held his tee shirt over his shoulder and I swear I can stare at him forever. I place my hands on top of his biceps, gently feeling both of his arms. I run my fingers along the scar where metal meets skin, expecting resistance from him– but he doesn't pull away, he just looks into my eyes. I feel along his muscles, in every curvature of his body, admiring him. Bucky smiles and takes my hand, helping me off the counter and grabbing my clothes for me, putting my tank top over my head and pulling my shorts over my legs. His hands run from my feet up to my thighs and I get shivers down my spine.

Bucky holds my arm and we walk out of the kitchen, to what I assume is his bedroom. We pass peoples bedroom doors and no one seems to be disturbed. I think we got lucky.

As we walk into Bucky's room I hear his phone buzzing from his pocket. I take a look around Bucky's big melodramatic bedroom before seating myself in his bed that released a smell of cologne. He closes the door and takes his phone out of his pocket, putting it on speaker and leaving it on his dresser.

"Yeah?" Bucky answers. 

I hear a noisy background from the other line. I wonder who that is. In his dark room the only light is the light from his phone.

"Hey Buck."

I instantly recognize that voice, it's Steve. My attention snaps to the phone call.

"You should tell Tony to get his crew over here, there's a power outage, it's storming pretty bad outside."

Steve responds, "Yeah, we saw. They're coming in the morning."

"You saw?" Bucky questions.

Steve chuckles and I hear another voice chime in, who I recognize instantly. "Yeah we have cameras tinman," Tony loudly announces.

Bucky and I freeze, looking at each other, just remaining dead silent.

Tony jokes, "I guess the tinman does have a heart after all."

I put my hand over my mouth as I stare off into his wall in amusement is disbelief. Bucky smirks and rubs his stubble with his fingers.

"Tony-" Steve speaks, interrupting Tony. Both of them start to laugh. At least they aren’t mad.

"I never knew a one hundred year old man can preform so well," Tony says.

I mumble to myself, "oh my god," and hold in my laughter. How unfortunate.

Bucky picks up his phone and says, "alright-" but only to get interrupted by Tony.

"I'm gonna have to get a cleaning service on that counter ASAP-"

Bucky instantly hangs up and we both start simultaneously laughing, probably waking up the entire complex. I've never been more embarrassed and more pleased in my entire life. Bucky sinks into bed with me, making me bounce up a little and weighing down his side of the bed. I turn to face him and we stare at each other smiling. Bucky places a kiss on my forehead and pressing his chin against my head. I lay there inhaling his intoxicating scent, falling into a daze.

Yeah, I think I'll stay longer.

[rudra-writes]

Pallas and Telurin - Hot Springs (Part 1)

Part of a roleplay story with Telurin’s player. Telurin considers his conflicted feelings about continuing to be Pallas’s guardian, indirectly putting the anchorite in danger from his own death knight compulsions. The following day on the road, Pallas suggests they stop at a natural hot springs. Pallas encourages Telurin to join him in the warm water, and their attraction to one another comes to light.

Telurin took his time finishing off the bottle of rum, giving Pallas time to settle in and fall asleep, using the time to get his thoughts in order. He really shouldn't be provoking the Anchorite to try his hand at the shadow, shouldn't be provoking the Anchorite at all. Of course he's noticed the looks, the small flicker in Pallas's eyes when he manages to provoke Telurin in return. Perhaps it would pass, with how upset Pallas became about him even hinting the other was weak. A sore spot, for sure. Perhaps that's for the best, he should be focusing on keeping the Anchorite alive, not at the thrill he had felt when Pallas had challenged him.

Telurin finishes his drink and heads up the stairs, surprisingly quiet for someone in full plate and shod in metal. He's pleased to find that he's waited long enough, Pallas is out cold. He debates for a moment retrieving his saddlebags and getting some correspondence done while the Anchorite is asleep, but decides against it. Anything he would say would only have to be re-written in the morning. He takes a chair from the table and sets it closer to the door, stretching his legs across the doorway, and it's not too long before the death knight is asleep as well.

Being unused to drinking, Pallas crashed out quickly and remained asleep for most of the night. There was one instance, in the blackest night, that he briefly awoke from an eerie dream in which someone was watching him. He went back to sleep just as quickly. It wasn't as if such things came true in real life…

Morning dawned. The light streamed in through the window curtains, pale and pleasant. Because Telurin had made him eat and drink water, Pallas didn't really experience the hangover he would have otherwise had. He sat up slowly in the soft morning light, blinking blearily, then noticed the dark shape that had parked itself in the doorway. Pallas rubbed his eyes, then very quietly, placed a hoof upon the floorboards and brought himself closer to the motionless armored form.

He half-expected to gaze at Telurin's face and find it wide awake, staring at him annoyedly. That would have been creepy. Pallas was dressed in a rumpled-up silk shirt and pants. With his white skin, he looks more than ever like a little ghost.

Telurin is utterly, completely still, his arms folded across his chest. All the habits that make him look more alive than the animated corpse are absent. His eyes are closed, and there's a distinct feeling of nothingness around the death knight, as if his very soul was elsewhere. His runeblade is propped up against the door-jam. The movements of the little Anchorite don't cause so much as a twitch in response.

Tip-toeing on his hoofs, Pallas edged close enough to the Death Knight to study his repose. Pallas had never seen a sleeping Death Knight before. He figured it must be possible, based on stories he'd heard. Pallas relishes in a moment where he can observe Telurin's face without being stared down by those hawkish blue eyes. After a moment or two, his curiosity was sated, and he stepped across the room to make the bed and wash his face in a bowl that was set up in front of a mirror. He takes a look over his shoulder at the back of the Knight... Still no signs of life. Pallas started to change his clothes.

Pallas will find that, however much noise he makes, he does not disturb Telurin's slumber. Pallas is able to wash and change his clothes in peace.

Pallas learns by degrees that Telurin is sleeping like the dead, literally and figuratively. He changes into his priest's robes and readies himself, then approaches the sleeping Death Knight again. By now Pallas was starting to get hungry. Telurin was going to wake up on his own any moment now... right? While he waited, Pallas decided to make a pot of tea. There was a wood-burning stove in the room. Surely, when the tea kettle went off, /that/ would wake Telurin up, if he hadn't roused himself by then.

The teakettle sings without even so much of a flick of the death knight's tail.

Pallas makes a 'you don't say!' expression when the tea kettle refuses to stir Telurin at all. He pours tea for himself, and one for the Death Knight, then got up to examine him again. Now he had to try something more drastic. He couldn't let Telurin's tea get cold. Pallas paced for a moment in indecision, then decided to try merely placing his hand on the Death Knight's pauldron. He was uncertain about doing this. What if Telurin woke up violently and froze himself over? His hand could end up frozen to Telurin's armor and completely frostbitten. "Telurin? Wake up Telurin... It's morning..."

Like the touch flipped some sort of switch, Telurin's eyes snap open and his hand shoots up to catch Pallas about the throat. Realization bleeds into his eyes and expression almost immediately, and he hasn't even begun to squeeze tightly before he lets the little Anchorite go. Having just woken up, his expression is unguarded and he looks more than a bit apologetic. He drops his gaze and shifts in his chair, leaning away from the man. “Pallas.” He says, making the name into something like an apology and a reproach rolled into one.

Pallas had been expecting something, but it hadn't been to be grabbed around the throat! He gasps, his teacup falling on the floor and shattering, the tea spilling in a puddle. The Anchorite stumbles back, looking badly shaken. "I.... I-I'm sorry."

Telurin frowns and makes an abortive gesture toward Pallas as he flinches away, which is quickly turned into a scowl at the broken teacup. "No, I should not have fallen asleep." His voice is harsh from the morning but even so, he sounds apologetic.

Pallas looks sympathetic. Now that the shock has passed, he steps next to Telurin, then crouches to the floor to start picking up the broken pieces of china. "It's all right, Telurin," he says, forcing himself to keep his voice steady and firm. He didn't want the Death Knight to avoid sleeping. Pallas wanted him to be able to sleep, even if he was a dead man, and didn't technically require it. "You just gave me a start was all. How shall I wake you? You slept though any sort of sound." Pallas raises his head from his crouched position and smiles at him faintly. He looks forgiving.

“I've scared you all the same.” Telurin says, rubbing his face, “Of all the things to finally get through to you...” He trails off, looking a bit more awake now. “In the future, try speaking to me first, unless you want a repeat performance of what happened just now.”

Pallas straightened when he had picked up the last of the china shards. He disposed of them, then handed Telurin his own cup of tea. It's green tea. "Are you kidding me? Tel, the tea kettle went off. That's going to be a lot louder than my voice! You were as asleep as a stone!" He then playfully mimicked Telurin's face while sleeping. It was a decent likeness, except that Pallas had his tongue loll out. "--But fine, I will do as you request."

Telurin tenses at the shortening of his name, expression torn, but he accepts the teacup that's offered to him without comment. As Pallas mimics his sleeping expression, he settles once more into a scowl, though it didn't quite reach his eyes. “You will be surprised.” He murmurs, “At how well it will work. But feel free to use a pole instead if you prefer. Toss a pillow. Just do not touch me while I sleep, Anchorite.”

"You're in a cranky mood this morning." Pallas was quickly returning to his usual chipper self. He notices the tension in the other man, but he doesn't make the connection that it's due to shortening the Death Knight's name. He moved a few steps back and sat down on the bed, then took out a weatherbeaten leather journal. He opened it up with a graphite stick, staring at Telurin rather intensely.

Telurin takes the study about as well as could be expected. "Copying my image for posterity?" He asks with a flick of his tail. "Or just adding to your notes regarding how not to be slain by a man'ari that chooses to accompany you as your protector?”

Pallas flips to a different page of the journal, then holds it up for the Death Knight to see. "I visually document the flora and fauna as I travel," he replies. The sketches are little life observations of various trees, herbs, insects and places. He then lowered his book, returning to sketching, "Would you rather I have sketched you while you were unconscious? That seems impolite. You should be glad I waited until now." He smiled to himself wryly, "You are one of the more fascinating beasts I have met."

Telurin sets his teacup down and stands, walking over to view the sketches. He grunts in what could be called an agreeable noise. He snorts when Pallas refers to him as a beast, obviously amused. “Do what you will, Anchorite.”

Pallas glances up again when Telurin comes over to view his handiwork. He nods. "I am glad you are letting me do what I will. You're my protector. That's what you're supposed to do." Telurin might disagree with that statement. Pallas switches to a new page when the Death Knight moves, and starts drawing him again from the new angle. The Anchorite smiles, "A very prickly beast. As bristly as a boar. And possessing much the same temperament."

Telurin snorts. “Within reason, Pallas, only within reason. A protector's primary goal is to protect, not be walked over like a carpet.”

Pallas looks up at Telurin, making a little aghast face that may not be entirely genuine. "Do you really think I do that to you?" His eyes are crinkling at the corners a bit. He is back to teasing the Death Knight, even after his earlier scare.

“I think you would run roughshod over me if I gave you half a chance.” He says, lips curling into a smirk. He leans forward slightly, returning Pallas's teasing with his own. “Perhaps one day, I may even give you that chance. It's too soon to tell."

Pallas clicks his tongue. "Run roughshod over you? You have some peculiar notions about the habits of the Priesthood. I am a holy Anchorite. Why would I want to run roughshod over anyone?" He seems more than a little amused at the idea, though. He continues drawing, his slender fingers working with skill. "I won't be much longer. I'm becoming quite famished."

“Ah, but you try all the same, regardless of what you say.” Still, Telurin stands patiently for the sketch, in good humor despite the rough start to the morning. “Can I trust you to eat alone, or should I worry for your safety among the morning crowd?"

"My dear bodyguard, I promise you that I will avoid being trampled and shoved by bar patrons so that I may have breakfast." Pallas finishes up his sketch and shuts his journal, tucking it back inside his robe as he stands up. "Please take care of whatever your needs may be. I can handle myself downstairs." Pallas looks quite certain he'll be fine, at least to feed himself.

Telurin's tail flicks in amusement. "See that you do, Pallas. I will be most upset if I return to find you've managed to start a brawl or have gotten yourself kidnapped."

Pallas pouts at Telurin petulantly, then steps around the other draenei's hulking form to make his way downstairs.

[looselucy]

One - The Brits

“ANNA!” Rachel calling my name stirred me, making sure I greeted a new morning rather uneasily. I groaned, loud, raspy and frustrated, pulling the sheets above my head, trying to block out any noise. Especially Rachel screaming. “ANNA, GET YOUR ARSE IN HERE NOW!” “I’M FAST ASLEEP.” “I AM SHOCKED BY YOUR LIES, ANNA! SHOCKED AND APPALLED.”

I groaned a little louder, grabbing the top of the duvet with both hands and pulling it downwards, letting my eyes flicker open and grow accustom to the light. I turned my head, seeing that my digital clock was telling me it was 10am. It’s too fucking early. I looked back up to the ceiling, taking a deep breath in, then back out. The only downside I could find to having roommate, was the fact that my roommate was a morning person. I would have put money on the fact that Rachel had already been awake for at least an hour, if not two. I, however, had always been the type of person who could sleep all day, and finally come to life at night. But I suppose, in a way I was grateful for it. Without her, I knew that my sleeping pattern would have been totally fucked. “ANNA!” She yelled a little louder that time; my body jolted. I yanked the sheets further down. “WHAT?” I yelled back, real frustration in my voice. “YOU’RE ON THE TELE!” She finally had my attention. With one further deep intake of breath, I took myself from the comforts of my bed. My toes were the first to exit the warmth, seeming to sting slightly as they came into contact with the cold air. I let out an exhausted squeal, moving the rest of myself a lot quicker than I had planned, darting over to the door with as much speed as I could, covering my naked body with the dressing gown that hung from a hook on the back of my door. I moved from my room, walking through the hall and into the living room, seeing Rachel stood in her underwear, bouncing up and down, a spoon hanging from her mouth and a half full yoghurt pot in hand. “Put some clothes on. And please don’t spill the yoghurt.” I chuckled. She shrugged her shoulders, continuing to jump around. I turned to face the screen of the tele, seeing it hanging on the wall, paused on a still of the video. “Rach, I’ve seen the video more than a million times. I know I’m in it.” I joked. “No, it’s like… a celeb news thing, and they’re talking about you! I just paused it.” She smiled. “Celeb news?” I laughed at the very idea of it. “Celeb fucking news?” She laughed, agreeing that the very idea of me being a celebrity was ridiculous. Rachel turned and put the yoghurt on the kitchen counter before turning back around, grabbing the remote from the settee, and pressing play. It is rumoured that Anna Black, star of the Arctic Monkey’s - Do I Wanna Know, video, will be accompanying Alex Turner to The Brit Awards this evening. Since the song was released, Anna has been very high in demand due to the incredible success of the video, but she tends to keep herself to herself. We look forward to seeing her all dressed up tonight. As quickly as it had started, the pointless article had finished. Rachel started screaming, her arms thrown high in the air as she bounced up and down, alternating between which leg she lifted up in the air. I giggled at her, letting out an exasperated breath, rolling my eyes. I was shaking my head, walking over to the fridge and grabbing myself a yoghurt. “IT’S THE MOST EXCITING THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED EVER!” She yelped. “Don’t...” I tried. I turned around and she was with me in a second, grabbing my hands, making me drop the luckily unopened tub on the floor. “No, seriously, Anna! This is so exciting. You’re going to The Brits tonight, with fucking Alex Turner on your arm, and you were just on celeb news.” She had finally stopped shouting. I didn’t reply, I simply bent down, picked up the tub, and sat it down on the kitchen top. I couldn’t even bring myself to look at Rachel, who was finally calming down, sensing my unease. She grabbed me, both hands meeting the top of my arms as she turned me, forcing me to look at her. “Why aren’t you more excited?” She asked, concerned. “M'just nervous.” I whispered. She pulled me in, hugging me fiercely. I wrapped my arms back around her, unfazed by her bare body. Because the truth was, that I was terrified. The video blew up in my face, and I hadn’t been expecting it. My childhood dreams had come true when I went to see a friend at university in Leeds, and we somehow ended up bumping into the one and only Alex Turner. The whole thing was totally surreal; I couldn’t help but think back to the days where it seemed the Arctic Monkeys were the only band I listened to, traveling on the bus to school, talking about how madly in love with Mr Turner I was. So, as you can imagine, I was a little overwhelmed. We spoke freely, and he eventually came to tell me that I was exactly what he imagined for the part in their video. Not exactly the kind of offer you refuse. But for some reason, the video became huge. Everyone had watched, and it was such a massive topic of conversation amongst people, and I was a big part of that whirlwind. I had been thrust into the limelight, without any time to prepare, and I was unable to make the decision if I actually wanted that or not. It was mine. And truth be told, it petrified me. “You’ll be fine, silly.” Rachel attempted to comfort me. “I know, I know. It’s just a little strange.” I pulled away from her, giving off a little sigh as my gaze fell to the floor. “C’mon, you’re a sex symbol! You could probably turn up looking like hell and people would still rave about you.” I grabbed the yoghurt from the side, and put it back in the fridge. She watched me with sad eyes, knowing how much it was affecting me, how nervous I was, how scared I was by all the attention I had been getting. She was excited for me, and seemed to be able to see the positive side of things at all times, but I couldn’t. I often saw the negatives. I felt ungrateful. I felt like I was being dismissive of the good it had brought to my life. The mixture of emotions I felt about the entire thing basically meant that I was slowly driving myself insane. “I’m gunna go back to bed for a bit.” I informed her. I got a sympathetic nod, before I slumped back to my room, wanting to sleep until the evening.

The woman in front of me prodded almost aggressively at my face with a makeup brush in an attempt to make me look half decent. I squirmed away from her a little, feeling slightly unnatural having someone else doing my makeup, controlling the way I was going to look. “Hold still!” She demanded. “Sorry.” I whispered, trying my best to become neutral. I let my concentration fall to the woman’s fingers. They were wrinkled and aged, but still more attractive than I imagined hands ever could be. They looked soft to the touch, her nails long but natural, painted a light colour with a slight shimmer. She had about 3 rings on every finger, each different, none complementing each other, which made them look spectacular. I glanced up to her face, which was incredibly close my own as she concentrated on making my skin look flawless. I couldn’t help but admire her; I imagined she was about 60 years old, but she looked incredible. She really cared about her appearance in the best way possible, not over-done at all, just incredibly elegant for her age, and with the exact right amount of quirkiness. She was pretty spectacular. She took her brush and moved away from my face, looking at me from a distance. “Okay… I think we’re done.” She smiled. She stepped aside, confidently revealing the mirror to me so that I could fully take in my altered appearance. “Holy shit.” I blurted out. It wasn’t that she had made me look like someone else, which I had been nervous about, expecting to look at my reflection and see someone unrecognisable. She had simply made me look like the best possible version of myself. “Bad?” She quizzed, though I can’t say she seemed worried at all. “No. Not at all. It’s... amazing. How do you do that?” I was genuinely baffled. “Years of practice.” She leered, taking a step back and folding her arms as she stared at me through the mirror, impressed with herself. I leant forwards, taking my fingers and stroking my cheek, which hadn’t been so soft since the years before puberty hit. My nerves calmed an amount I didn’t care to admit, because I did not want to be the type of person who placed so much importance on appearances. But just seeing how much better I looked with my makeup professionally done really did help. I’d never been to an event so large in my life, and I wanted to look and feel good about myself. A knock on the door took me away from the mirror. “Come in.” Me and the lady chimed in time with one another. The one and only Alex Turner poked his head round the corner. “Are we decent?” He chuckled. “Never.” I smiled, standing myself up. He let himself in, looking me up and down, confused. “Well, the hair and the makeup is good, but I’m not sure about the outfit.” He smiled. I looked down, almost forgetting I was still in a baggy Beatles t-shirt and leggings. “WHAT?” I joked. “You don’t like it? But I have on my finest robes.” ”Sorry,” He held his hands up on the air. “My mistake.” “Her dress is over there.” The lady interrupted. I turned to her, seeing the direction her finger was pointing and letting her guide me to the outfit that had been picked out for me. That was when my nerves made their unwelcome return. I wandered over to the large black bag hanging from the wall, worried that the outfit would be something I would hate, something I would never actually pick out for myself in a million years. I didn’t want to feel uncomfortable, because the thought of being on the red carpet at all with all those flashing lights burning my skin made me uncomfortable enough as it was. I really didn’t want that feeling developing any further. I wished I’d been allowed to decide what I would wear, but apparently that wasn’t an option. I took my shaking hand and raised it to the top of the zip, calming myself as I pulled down slowly. A grin appeared on my mouth right away. Black lace ran the entirety of the of dress, creating beautiful flower patterns amongst the weaves. It was high-necked, tight fitting until the point where it would fall just above my hips, before it fell into a loose material. Alex came behind me, raising his hands to my shoulders and squeezing them, his fingers lingering near my collarbone and his thumb on my back. “You’re going to look great, Love. Don’t worry about anything, okay?” He comforted me.

We sat giggling in the large black car that had picked us up, steadily drinking our beers and listening to AM as we made our way to the awards. The alcohol seemed to calm my nerves almost completely, but I think the company was assisting with that too. Though the boys already seemed close to gone. We chatted with each other in high spirits, laughing away and never letting the conversation steer to where we were going and what was about to happen, because I think the lads understood exactly how nervous I was, and they were being incredibly understanding. But it didn’t take long for the mood to die. “OKAY!” The PR man that had hired for the evening cut our conversation short. “Black, I need to talk to you for a minute.” I hadn’t been expecting them to need to do anything with me, really. I thought I just needed to turn up, take a few pictures, and then enjoy the rest of my evening, surrounded by some of the world’s most famous artists, trying not to freak out. I didn’t have any more of a role to play. “Me?” I quizzed. “Yeah. We have a few rules for you, so I want you to listen up, okay?” I shrugged my shoulders, hating the word rules immediately, but intrigued. “Alright.” The boys and I listened eagerly, and I was happy to see that they all looked as confused as I did. “You’re supposed to be sexy, okay? The video makes you look sexy, and that’s what people like, so I don’t want on any this.” He groaned, pointing all his fingers towards me and moving his hand in circles, pretty much gesturing at everything about me. “Any of what?” I spat out, already annoyed. “Any of this… fun loving, friendly... bullshit. Sex sells, sweetheart. We need you to look serious, we need you to look enticing.” He said, looking at the pages that sat on his lap rather than giving me eye contact. “So you’re saying... you don’t want me to be friendly?” It was laughable. “You’re kidding, right?” Jamie laughed. The man’s eyes finally raised, looking at all of us as though we were idiots. “Is something funny?” He was angered. “No.” Jamie raised his hands in defeat, slumping back into his seat. “You carry on, mate! No worries.” “Good.” He continued through a fake grin. “So no smiling for the cameras, alright? You might be able to get away with a smirk, but that’s it. And no interviews, I don’t want them to even hear you speak.” I couldn’t even muster the words to try and explain how annoyed I was with the situation. It wasn’t that I wanted to take part in interviews or any of that bullshit, but I didn’t like being told that I couldn’t. I just sat with my eyebrows lowered and my mouth dropped, looking the man straight in the eyes, hoping he would tell me he was joking. But he didn’t. “She can’t speak?” Alex piped up. “I don’t want them hearing that Northern accent.” “We’re fucking Northern.” Matt then started. “I don’t care!” The man was almost yelling. “These are the rules we’re going by tonight, okay?” “Hold on a fucking minute-” Alex sat forward, pointing his finger at him with real frustration, but I cut him short. “No, it’s fine, Alex. It doesn’t matter, it’s fine.” I just wanted to get the night over with at that point, and maybe not speaking and generally not acting like myself would help that happen. I looked down, concentrating on the lace of my dress and the blonde tips of my dyed hair, holding in my anger, maybe even holding in tears. I hadn’t expected any of this when I said yes to being in the video. I hadn’t expected being in a video to change so much for me. I was suddenly this public figure, people had ideas about me, people were forming opinions and jumping to conclusions about me. I hadn’t even allowed myself to fully think about the lack of job opportunities after this shit-storm. Then on top of that, I was being asked to attend an event and to act stuck-up, which wasn’t going to make me look any better. I already felt lost, before we even got there. It was mere minutes later that we finally pulled up outside the building, lights flashing towards the car before they even knew who was inside. All I could hear was screams, every other noise was drowned out by the hundreds of people calling out, reaching out to the car, trying to stroke it, totally entranced by the idea that there were important people inside. I was totally bewildered by it, regardless of the fact that if I was on the outside of the car with them, I would be exactly the same. “Holy shit, I can’t do this.” I whispered. Alex turned to me quickly, placing his beer down in front of him, not caring as it spilled and the liquid soaked into the carpet. He engulfed my hands in his, and looked to me with caring, if not slightly misty, eyes. “It’s not actually that bad.” He told me. “And we only have to be on the carpet for about five minutes, and then we can go inside and you can be entirely yourself for the rest of the night.” “No one’s ever told me I can’t be myself before!” I gasped in a panic, rushing my words. “Actually, usually the fucking opposite. My parents always told me to be myself, they are really nice y’know? So like, I don’t really know what I’m doing. What if I fall, my dress might blow up in the wind-” “Your dress goes down to the floor.” Alex chuckled, interrupting my mad speech. “I know, but it could still happen, I’m a fucking walking disaster on the best of days and-” “Shut up.” He cut me off for the final time. “It’s going to be fine. Just grip onto me okay? Don’t let go.” “LETS GET A MOVE ON!” The PR man shouted. Alex gave me a caring smile, and the car door opened. Matt, James and Nick stepped out first, and the cheers became even louder somehow. Alex offered me his hand, which I gripped tightly, combining my fingers with his. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath in, faltering slightly, but finding some kind of calm, luckily. I opened my eyes again, and followed Alex as he stood himself up, and got out of the car. I was surprised I didn’t fall flat on my face right away. In fact, it was probably the smoothest exit I had ever managed to make from a car. The screams grew ever louder, the sight of Alex Turner affecting people’s vocal chords in an extreme way. But as I said, in any normal situation, on the other side of the metal fences, I would have been exactly the same. I moved my hand from his, linking my arm with him instead so I was as latched on as physically possible, as close as I could be as the lights started blinding me, leaving tiny white dots in my mind and darting across my vision. The boys were totally at home, as cool and collected as ever as we walked down the carpet towards the designated area for the best pictures. The fact I wasn’t allowed to smile became a little easier at the sight that none of the boys did, either. They just walked down the carpet like they owned the place. It wasn’t overly difficult feeling cool when I was accompanied by the Arctic Monkeys. We reached the focus area where the main pictures should have been taken, my heels already stinging my feet as we came to a standstill, turning to our side, and meeting the mob of paparazzi who began shouting, screaming at us, demanding us to do as they were asking. It was bizarre. I wondered how anyone could ever get used to that kind of thing. I glanced my head to the boys for a second, studying their faces, trying to blend in with them, not wanting to stand out, not wanting the uncomfortable feeling I had on the inside reach any part of my outer appearance. I turned back to the cameras, mouth parted slightly, looking around like I wanted to fuck everyone and everything there, trying my best to look just a little enticing. Don’t smile. Don’t smile. Don’t smile. Luckily, I had grown quite accustom to looking and acting that sort of way during the video shoot. I had been directed, told how I needed to look into the camera, what I needed to look like, how to ooze the idea of sex and seduction. So it wasn’t as uncomfortable as I had first expected. But usually, if I saw a flashing camera, I would smile! Unless I was drunk, in which case I never really seemed to know what I was doing with my face. “You’re doing great.” Alex leaned into my ear. Though he was shouting, it was still like he was whispering, the crowd seemed to be growing denser and noisier by the second. At first, I couldn’t quite figure out why they were becoming more restless. But it only took a turn of my head to realise. I had turned to yell back to him, and spotted the exact reason the crowd had become so riled up. “Holy shit.” I shouted, which was definitely not what I had originally been planning to say. “What?” He looked at me, our lips lingering close, causing the cameras to flash a little more frequently if that was even possible. They were eating it up. It was actually slightly amusing. “That’s One Direction.” I stuttered, staring past Alex and looking to the five boys stood taking pictures. They were a spectacle to behold. I understood the hype just looking at them. All dressed to the nines, totally owning the place. They were enchanting without even doing anything, still laughing and conversing with one another, at the same time as posing for the cameras. They knew exactly what they were doing. In a strange way, it was haunting. Alex simply rolled his eyes, and looked back to the mob. “I’m impressed they’re actually good looking in real life.” I spoke in his ear, directing my gaze to the skin of his cheek. I then proceeded to bite my lips, acting as though I had whispered something sexual in his ear. Alex grinned to the floor, acting along with me, letting my character grow. “Shame they’re talentless.” He spoke. “Are you kidding? Have you listened to their latest stuff? They can actually write a really decent tune, especially that Louis Tomlinson kid. I was genuinely impressed.” “No, shockingly enough, I haven’t listened to a single One Direction album.” He grinned, bringing his head back up, smiling next to my lips. “Well maybe if you weren’t a music snob, you might give them the time of day.” I smirked next to him, looking down to his lips, knowing that was the closest to a smile I could get away with. We were making it seem like there was some sexual tension between us, and we knew the media would adore that. Alex looked down to my lips, wrapping his hand around my waist and jolting my body towards his in one sharp tug. “You’re better at this than you think.” He stated.

The evening went exactly as planned. Alex and the boys took home 3 awards, British Group, Best Video, and British Album. They had begged me to go on stage when they won the award for video, but I stayed put, practically glued to my seat. I felt as though I had barely made it past the red carpet, so I was extremely aware that if I was to get up on stage in front of all those people, I would have totally caved. But I couldn’t help but feel a little proud. I definitely didn’t think up the idea for the video, nor was I anything to do with the incredible track that made the video what it was. But I was still in it, still a part of it, still a factor of it. So even though the feeling of pride was pretty out of place, I still felt it. We moved onto the after party held in a large building in the centre of London, and drank the evening away. My drinking had been steady since the early evening, so although I had drank a lot, the feeling remained neutral, steady and paced. Merry was the perfect way to describe how I felt. The same couldn’t be said for the boys. Unfortunately for me, their company had become a little tedious over the evening, just as drunk on themselves as they were on the numerous vodka shots they had swallowed. I gave myself some space. I sat alone at the bar, swirling the ice in my drink with my little finger, staring down to it lifelessly, mesmerised by the bubbles that continued to create themselves in the content of my lemonade, popping as I moved the ice, only to create brand new ones. I soon got bored, picking up my glass and downing its contents. I slammed it back down on the bar, my head spinning for just a second, before I found myself again, ready to order my next drink. I tried to grab the attention of the barman, but someone beat me to it. “I’ll have a beer, and a whiskey and lemonade, please.” The deep voice ordered. I glanced down the empty bar, spotting him. The infamous Harry Styles. My throat hitched up, then back down, like it wanted me to swallow but my throat was too dry. I looked back down towards my empty glass to avoid any embarrassment. He was quite the sight. I watched from the corner of my eye. The barman worked quickly, handing the order over to Harry as he passed over some money. I couldn’t help but think that the bundle of notes in his hand seemed to be a lot more than the small order could have possibly amounted to. The bartender gave him an appreciative nod, then moved away. Still refusing to gaze directly his way, I realised that Harry was looking at me, watching me, like he was really trying to get me to notice his staring. So I gave into him, letting my gaze fall down the bar, my eyes meeting his. With one swift push, he sent the whiskey and lemonade travelling the short distance down the bar. It slid towards me, not a single drop being spilt as it came to a standstill against my arm. It was seriously the smoothest fucking move I had ever seen in my life. If my mind wasn’t so relaxed from the alcohol, I would have been shaking, freaking out, screaming, shuddering. Though it was still hard to hold control, I stayed practically still, before lifting the drink, raising it to my lips, taking a steady sip, still looking him deep in the eye as he watched me. I put the glass back down on the bar. “How do you know I like whiskey and lemonade?” I questioned, restraining my smile. I was desperately trying to keep up my act, keep up the idea that I was sexy and mysterious. I had been in character for a percentage of the night. A little more couldn’t hurt. “I’ve had my eye on you.” He simply stated. Though I was a fan of their new album, I had never really watched any One Direction interviews, or taken any special interest in them other than their latest album, so I had not expected such a sultry voice to pour from his mouth. It was slow and deep, charming and polite, beautifully Northern like my own but still with a slight twang, fairly posh compared to mine. He was, in every sense of the word, appealing. “Oh really?” I ticked my head to the side. He smiled, and made his way towards me. He stopped just before the skin of our arms could touch. “AM Girl.” He simply said. I picked the glass back up and took a quick gulp, throwing it to the back of my throat. The name made my jaw clench. “Apparently, that’s me.” I tried to hold back my sarcasm, but it was difficult. He sensed it right away, letting his eyes flicker over me, his smile was gone. I ran my hand through my hair, trying to shake off the atmosphere I had accidentally created. “You’re fucking Alex Turner?” He asked out of nowhere. “I’m not fucking anyone.” I took another gulp. Harry leaned into my ear. I turned my head a little, making sure I could feel his hot breath down my neck. “Yet.” He spoke lowly. The character of AM Girl was completely out of the window after that as I sat with my mouth wide, chest rising, unable to speak. Harry took his hand, rubbing my back once, before walking away from the bar, back to the crowd. “You have a good night.” He yelled over his shoulder. I sat alone, watching him walk away and become lost in the sea of people at the further side of the room. I was gobsmacked, at the same time as being so hot and bothered, totally succumbing to that charm that seemed to have heightened his fame. My skin tingled, hot and heavy. “Holy shit.”

[imagine-loki]

If I could Turn Back Time, I’d Still Choose This

TITLE:  If I could Turn Back Time, I’d Still Choose This

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 43

AUTHOR: wolfpawn

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine that when Odin found Loki on Jotunheim, he did not take him to raise as his son, as Frigga was pregnant at the time, instead he was given to a normal Aesir family. Years later, Loki meets Odin’s daughter Sigyn, and trouble ensues.

Fandral stood staring, ashen-faced as the Allfather spoke. In the past forty-eight hours he had to process more than he could ever imagine, yet here was the Allfather, sitting on the throne telling him that the wedding that was supposed to take place too soon in two months, would be performed in private, that very evening. He felt trapped and terrified, and if he was honest with himself, angry. He wished Thor or Sigyn were present, but he realised quickly that whatever trouble the Allfather would have getting him to agree to anything, it would be multiplied exponentially when concerning his daughter, or indeed his son.

Thor was livid. His own hand servant reported to him what his father was about to do. But knowing more than his father, he schooled a face of calm and walked towards the throne room, not the least bit sorry for whichever parent was about to inform Sigyn of her fate.

Sigyn was the last person called to the room. She thought it was because her father was about to interrogate her once more regarding her ties with Laufey, but when she saw Fandral and Thor there, she knew her assumption was incorrect. When she saw the look on Fandral’s face, she suspected the true reason for their being called there. ‘Oh, I know this is going to be farcical.’ She stated loudly as she walked up the room towards the throne, where they all stood waiting. ‘I am curious, are we going to go with a “The Jotnar arrival made us do it” or am I going to have a tragic fake miscarriage in a few weeks?’

‘Now is the right time.’ Frigga stated.

‘Oh, you have no idea.’ Sigyn chuckled almost sinisterly. ‘Well, try it.’

*

Loki tried and failed to concentrate on the job in front of him. All he could think about was Sigyn, her lips against his. It made him recall the many nights they lay next to one another in bed, gentle kisses and passionate ones, as well as their nights spent enjoying one another, binding them even more through their growing love.

Frustrated, he decided to go for a walk and see if he could ease his mind. When he went to inform his parents of what he was doing, they nodded but said nothing more to him. They were not dumb, they knew something was bothering him and since he left with the children the day before without so much as a mention as to where he was going, but it was clear whatever it was, it had a significant effect on him. He insisted once more on bringing his children with him. He walked for a short period of time, not wanting to head into the village, he chose to go a forest path. It was only when he was about half a mile from his home, he paused and sensed that he was not alone.

There was little noise in the trees around him, which, he knew was not right for the Elven forests which were usually littered with noises from different creatures, yet they seemed eerily silent. He paused for a moment when a when he noticed something on a branch that made his stomach clench painfully and his senses come to the fore. Water was dripping from a chunk of ice attached to a branch as it melted in the warm sun. There was only one way for ice to get on a shrub in such a climate. Knowing that the Jotnar and the elves were allies meant that it was not uncommon for them to be there, he had seen them a few times around the realm, and after paying heed to Dafydd’s comments regarding half Jotnar elves, with added attention to his surrounds, he saw that there was truth in the elf’s words. What scared Loki was that there was nothing on the path he was on to have Jotnar go that direction, all the local amenities were back in the town, yet he did not meet anyone on the path that was Jotnar, and the amount of ice that was present, as well as the water that had formed underneath, indicated it was not there more than a few minutes, meaning that the Jotnar were still in the immediate area.

He tried to keep calm as he turned to make his way back to the village, but when a branch snapped nearby, he turned and faced it. ‘What do you want?’ He demanded. There was no response.

‘Loki?’ he swung around to see Dafydd behind him, looking at him peculiarly. ‘Are you alright?’

‘I…’ Loki looked around them again before leaning in towards Dafydd. ‘There is someone in the bushes. Jotnar.’

‘I know.’

‘I...What?’

‘I know there are.’ Dafydd repeated.

‘How?’

‘Because I told them where to find you.’

Loki looked at Dafydd, his face filled with confusion and betrayal. ‘I am...I don’t know what you are saying.’

Dafydd sighed. ‘Ardan, please.’ A moment later, a large and powerful looking Jotunn walked out of the bushes. It was clear he was a strong being and the armour he wore suggested to Loki that he was a fighter of high standing. ‘Loki, this is Ardan, he is King Laufey’s strongest bodyguard.’ Loki looked between Dafydd and the terrifying Jotunn, who bowed slightly at him. ‘King Laufey sent him and a few others to protect you and the boys.’

‘Why?’

Dafydd shook his head. ‘King Laufey has had you and your sons under his guard since the moment you arrived here. As to the specifics, I don’t know or care, I am told to make sure you are safe, so I make sure you are safe. I assume it is something to do with the whole Princess Sigyn thing.’

‘Not particularly.’ Loki and Dafydd looked to the Jotunn. ‘King Laufey had three wives, the first left the realm because she knew the King never wanted her and was in love with another, the second was the one he wanted but she was killed by the first’s brother and the current wife does not stand beside him, as she was simply to guarantee a second heir after his wife and son were killed, only the son was not killed.’ He looked Loki up and down as he finished speaking. ‘I assume without your Aesir glamour, you would look more like the King, but as it stands, you look more like Queen Sansa.’

‘I...I...He...Oh, Norns.’ Loki looked at his sons, recalling the ridges that made the King of the Jotnar’s face, only to realise that Vali had one identical to him as the child chewed his fist. ‘And he….’

‘King Laufey was led to believe Queen Sansa was killed while still pregnant. It was not realised what truly happened until after you and  Princess Sigyn landed on Jotunheim, it is clear to see the resemblance, and though you may have the smell of an Aesir as the main one on you, due to your time around them, but there is no denying your scent, you are very much of the King’s line.’

Loki paused for a moment, eyes darting side to side. ‘Does...the Allfather know?’

‘Yes, he knew all along.’ Loki sighed. ‘That was the primary reason as to why the Aesir princess’s condition was not allowed be known. To have joined the two realms in such a powerful way is not permitted by the Allfather.’

‘So if Laufey was married to this Sansa, does that make Loki legitimate?’ Dafydd asked, trying to fully comprehend what he was hearing.

‘Yes.’ Ardan confirmed with a nod.

‘So that means the twins…’ Dafydd looked at the two babies who were awake and looking around them curiously.

Ardan looked at the babies and chuckled slightly. ‘There is no denying them, even if they are somewhat diluted.’ When Narfi reached up to him, the powerful Jotunn extended his hand. Worried, Loki was about to object, but when Narfi’s hand touched his, the infant giggled and kicked happily, causing the warrior to chuckle again. ‘Warmer than us, but only a seidr wielder could have carried them all the same, they are the only ones who can adapt their body to do so of all the warm blood beings. To say there are two, that is unheard of.’

‘I thought twins occurred on a few realms, even on Jotunheim.’ Loki commented.

‘Twins, yes, twin Jotnar to a warmblood, never before. It is a testament to her power. I did not think the daughter of Odin, regardless of her powerful parentage, could possess such power.’

‘You were sent to protect us?’ Loki reaffirmed.

Ardan nodded again. ‘The King was worried the Aesir would do something to eradicate you and the princelings, I was sent to protect you, me and my grouping. They ensure us a safe route back to Jotunheim, should you require it. You and the princelings would be safe there.’

‘“Princelings”?’

‘Young princes. They have not been formally recognised yet, but they are still born to the role on both sides, ergo, princelings.’ Ardan explained.  

‘Both sides?’

‘As soon as Laufey realised it was you, his lost son, he made it known, you are recognised of his line, even though you are raised away, unknowing of your heritage. Sansa was everything to him, he would never desecrate her memory by denying his son with her.’ Ardan grinned. ‘Besides, it has been too long since Jotunheim has had such news. With the Casket gone, there is little light on our realm.’ He looked at the children again. ‘The lost prince and his guaranteeing the line, that to us, is something worth celebrating.’

Loki was uncertain as to what he was being told, but the idea that his sons were safe filled him with some relief. He looked to Dafydd. ‘So, you were planted?’

‘No, I genuinely looked for the job with your father, and I really do enjoy working with you, I do. But I had Prince Helbindi tell me that you and the children were in danger and to keep an eye on you for your safety. Your family has been so good to me, I could never have declined. I am sorry I did not tell you, I nearly did, but then you mentioned Princess Sigyn and I knew there was far more to this than I could understand. For you to be the Lost Prince.’

‘So this is a real thing, this lost prince?’

‘Asgard never spoke of this?’ Dafydd asked, shocked. Loki shook his head. ‘Alfheim mourned with Jotunheim. Queen Sansa was adored, loving, kind, good.’ Loki found himself smiling. ‘And King Laufey. She could say “jump” and he would not have even questioned how high she would have wanted him to do so, he would have done it to please her.’ Dafydd looked to the twins. ‘Those two are the most regal children in the realms.’

‘How so?’ Loki looked at his children, confused.

‘Well, King Laufey, Jotnar, King Odin, Aesir, Queen Frigga, Vanir and Queen Sansa was in some way related to King Fjorg, and by blood too, that is four realms royalty in two little beings.’

‘The Allfather will fear them to be used to bring Asgard down.’ Ardan stated.

‘Sigyn would never go against her family.’ Loki stated.

‘It is now known that Prince Thor stands with Princess Sigyn in all of this, but to the Allfather, that is still the downfall of the Asgard he wants, and that is the biggest issue.’

‘Is she safe?’

‘The King is on Asgard as we speak, I cannot see how she will be in danger.’ Ardan responded.

Loki was not as sure.

*

Odin watched as Sigyn stood in front of them, completely unnerved by her nonchalant behaviour. When she started to smile, even Fandral seemed to become unsettled. As he ordered her to take Fandral’s hand, she did so with almost curiosity, it caused him to look to Thor, who seemed somewhat intrigued by events also.

What was more concerning is when he went to wrap the ribbon around their hands, immediately, it burned to nothing. ‘What have you done?’ He demanded, glaring at her.

‘Nothing.’ She stated, boredly.

‘Lies!’

‘Mother, be a dear and tell your husband whether or not I am using my seidr.’ Sigyn sneered before looking at her. Frigga, for her part, looked at her husband and shook her head. ‘See. I am doing nothing to anything at this moment.’

‘Then why did it do that?’ Her father challenged.

‘Probably because of deep magic.’ She shrugged.

‘What “deep magic” are you on about? You knew this would happen, didn’t you, that is why you are acting as you are?’

Sigyn sighed. ‘Yes, I did.’

‘Why would it not tie?’ Frigga asked.

‘Most likely because I am already married for nearly a year and the magic that binds that marriage is legitimate as it was done by the High Priest Kiernan on Alfheim, and it cannot override that.’ Her parents stood staring at her, silently with their mouths open. ‘Did I not mention that?’

[peculiar-bonds]

Out of Sight, Not Out of Mind - Chapter 5: The Unexpected Companion

Synopsis: While Mane 6 are on a research mission in a small town from another world called 'Earth', they learn about an old myth among the inhabitants: the Slender Man. What is the ugly truth of this haunted town? Will they survive the monster's deadly grasps?

It had almost been one hour since the last encounter with Slender Man. Meanwhile, Mane 6 finally reunited, and it was quiet and peaceful in the woods of terror, for now…

The girls could finally catch their breath and get some rest until the next attack. Not even Rarity cared, the dirt felt like the best place to sit on; anything is better than Slender Man after your tail. On the other hand, Twilight was still asleep, and Applejack sat by her side, with a worried expression on her freckled face.

“How come she isn’t awake yet?” Rainbow Dash asked while approaching her elder friend.

“It ain’t the first time she behaved weirdly tonight. Before we even got into this cursed forest, she was almost paralyzed, if ya remember…And this time, it was a nosebleed and a fainting spell! What’s next?”

Applejack didn’t even get to finish expressing her worries, because Twilight suddenly woke up, feeling a lump in her throat. The other girls were looking at her with wide eyes, totally startled by this abrupt awakening. Even if she was still weak, the petite girl rose up to her feet and went to the nearest bush to throw up out of nowhere.

“Sweet Celestia, sugarcube, are ya alright?” Applejack exclaimed, extremely concerned about her friend’s illness.

As if it wasn’t enough, there was a noise coming from the other side of the landmark. It was accompanied by a few light steps. The panic reinstalled among Mane 6.

“He’s back!” Fluttershy muttered, scared to the bones.

“Fetch me a stick! This is gonna turn out reaaallly bad!” Pinkie Pie requested, determined to defend her beloved friends. They didn’t take her seriously, so the energetic teenager grabbed a stick from the ground and approached the area.

“Pinkie, are you crazy???” Rainbow Dash exclaimed at the top of her lungs.

But the pink-haired girl didn’t listen. Without any hesitation, she was ready to hit the intruder in the head, while suddenly:

“WAIT, DON’T HIT ME!”

When she heard these words, Pinkie Pie stumbled into the stranger, causing both of them to fall on the ground. When she looked closer, it was actually a young girl, just like them, but still different. The youngster had long and dark hair complimented by icy blue eyes, a very thin body, and an extremely tired expression.

“Would you please get off me? I assure you that I’m not who you think I am,” the girl asked, almost begging to be released from Pinkie’s “paranoia trap”.

“Oh, sure thing! I’m sorry!” Pinkie giggled, rising back on her feet. “I honestly thought, you were, um…Slender Man! You would not believe…”

“…How horrible this monster is? Yes, I do, because I have to confront him almost every night,” the newcomer complained. “And, by the way, who are you and what are you doing here at this hour?”

“Oh, I’m with my friends over there. We were trying to find Slender and see if he’s real, but apparently, he found us and…”

“I KNOW. Everybody is coming here like they’re doing a funny ghost hunt on Halloween, but it’s more than that, I tell you! It’s a true nightmare!” The girl confessed in desperation, while tightly gripping Pinkie’s shoulders.

“Oooookayyy…I’m Penny Pie, by the way! But you can also call me Pinkie! What about you?”

“I’m Kate. Kate Milens. And I have a feeling I’m going to die tonight…”

“Oh, don’t be so silly! We’ll get out of here soon! Come, let me show you to my friends!”

Kate seemed hesitant at the beginning, but she had no choice. Any human seemed like a better alternative than the faceless eldritch monster, who had been haunting her since childhood.

“Hey, everybody, look who I found!” Pinkie exclaimed in utter happiness.

“Shh, the freak might hear you!” Rainbow Dash aggressively whispered, while scowling at the friend in front of her.

“Anyway, as I was saying…” Pinkie continued, quite annoyed by the obvious remark. “This is Kate Milens! It seems that our ol’ friend Slendy is after her as well. Kate, these are my best friends of all time: Rachael, Rebecca, Anne-Jay, Florence and Tara” she presented as she pointed to each of her companions.

“Hello, Kate!” the others greeted the new one simultaneously.

“Nice to meet you all! Glad I can finally meet someone who’s a human around here…and alive,” Kate replied with a faint voice.

Meanwhile, she glanced at Twilight, who clearly felt ill. Her face was paler than usual, dark circles started appearing under her eyes, her expression signaled fatigue, and her vest was stained with remnants of her vomit. Kate knew what the problem was, since she experienced the same symptoms anytime she encountered Slender Man.

“I see you’re also suffering from the Slender Sickness. Don’t worry, it’ll pass once we’re out of here”

“Slender Sickness? Wow, I should have known it’s his fault for all of this” Twilight stated with deep worry in her tone. “We just want to go home, Kate. Do you know the way?”

“Yes, I know every inch of this forest since I was little. Come on, pack your things and follow me, we don’t have much time left to stand still…”

“Say no more!” Rainbow replied with excitement.

“You said you’ve been coming to this forest since you were a child. What were you doing here at that age?” Fluttershy asked Kate all of a sudden, while they were heading to the next landmark.

“He always called me. Almost every night. At the beginning, I didn’t even know where that voice was coming from, so I blindly followed what it said. I was too scared to ask questions, to be honest. But despite all of this fuss, he always let me live, I don’t know why.”

“Wait, Slender Man CAN TALK??? That’s it, we’re doomed,” Rainbow intervened in the conversation, this detail being the only one that she picked up from Kate’s confession.

“I’m sorry for everything that’s happening to you, darling,” Rarity comforted the genuine human among the group. “I hope you’ll find your peace away from this horrible creature soon”

“Me too, Rachael. Me too…”

Suddenly, the wind started getting louder, along with the low droning sound from the beginning.

“Oh, no, he’s back! The page must be in that tunnel. We have to be quick!” Kate warned with panic.

“I’ll go first this time! Fetch me the stick!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed while grabbing another thick wooden branch from the ground. “Be right back! Slendy won’t stand a chance against me and my new friend, Tim! Come after me if I scream, by the way!” she boasted with excitement, then ran away to the tunnel.

“Damn, I swear she’s so crazy sometimes…She even named that stick ‘Tim’??? What the heck? Please excuse us, Kate, we’re a special group here,” Rainbow Dash apologized in her utter disappointment.

“Truth be told, I actually admire her enthusiasm and bravery…but for how long will it last?” Kate admitted, gulping in distress.

Before entering the eerie tunnel, Pinkie Pie looked all over the surroundings for anyhting out of order.

“Ha! Easy peasy! Though Slendy’s middle name is ‘unpleasant surprise’, if you ask me…Am I right, Tim?” Pinkie asked her imaginary wooden friend, then made it ‘nod’ by swinging her wrists. Still, she held her new weapon tight, because it was time to enter the dark enclosed area. The girl started shivering out of nowhere: it was the Pinkie Sense.

“Didn’t know I’d still have this as a skill here…” she muttered to herself.

In order to calm herself down, Pinkie started humming “Giggle at the ghosties”, the song that confirmed she’s the Element of Laughter, in almost the same circumstances.

“When I was a little filly and the sun was going dooown…”

Suddenly, something slimy grabbed her ankle. Uh-oh…” she thought to herself. The feeling of it made her startle in an instant.

“The darkness and the shadows, they would always make me frown...” she continued singing, this time trembling.

But Pinkie stopped before she could finish her cheerful song. Her heart was racing faster than ever, and cold sweat was dripping down her round face.

“I shouldn’t have come by myself, that’s for sure…”

*Meanwhile, outside the tunnel*

“It’s been a while…shouldn’t we call after her?” Kate asked with a frightened expression.

“PINKIE PIE!” Twilight screamed.

“PIIIIIIINKIIIIIEEEE PIEEEEE!” the others screamed as well in unison.

They realized it was no fun game with Slenderman, so headed straight to the tunnel.

*Back in the tunnel*

“You know what’s weird, Tim? I’m pointing my flashlight everywhere, but no sight of him. It’s like he’s a shadow…”

But at last, she found the page; it was at the end of the tunnel. This time, the message was ‘LEAVE ME ALONE’, scribbled in the same manner.

“Gotcha! And oh yes, I can totally relate to this one…”

It also didn’t take long for Slender Man to appear right in front of her, with the same unmoving, but menacing posture he had got in front of his victims. Pinkie Pie didn’t hesitate at all to let out a piercing scream, and due to the adrenaline, she reacted by throwing ‘Tim’ right at the eldritch horror. Right after a few blinks, the creature disappeared, and right on time, because the other girls arrived.

“Pinkie, are you ok?” Twilight asked with concern.

“How can I be okay when I just saw him in front of me?” she replied with panic in her tone, and it didn’t take long for her to burst in tears, and hug Applejack in search of protection.

“Easy, sugarcube…he’s gone, we’re here now…” Applejack comforted Pinkie while hugging her tightly.

“You should have learned this lesson by now!” Kate started scolding the group. “If we’re together, he gets discouraged and attacks less. I learned that when I was with another friend…NEVER go alone into his woods, I’m telling you!”

“You’re right, we’ll have to stay together from now on…” Twilight agreed. “And that means no heroic acts, okay? We have no power to do something here.”

The others also agreed in unison.

“Let’s go, we have no time to lose!” Kate concluded.

The next landmark was an abandoned truck with a tank. The girls looked around the vehicle, but there was no page.

“Have you found anyhting? Because he’s right behind us!” Rainbow screamed in fear. “Go, go, GO!”

Without any hesitation, the girls ran away as fast as they could, even if their stamina was decreasing dramatically with each step.

“I can run faster than this, what’s going on?” Rainbow asked, while panting all the way to the next stop.

“This is also Slenderman’s fault…” Kate replied.

“AH! WONDERFUL!” the other screamed in pure annoyance.

The following landmark was a portable cabin made of metal. The door was locked, so the only way they could find the page was on the exterior of the building. Kate was vigilant this time.

“Found the page! One more left!”

This time, the paper only contained doodles of trees and a simplified sketch of Slender Man in the middle. But that was the least thing to be concerned about. After taking the page, Kate could feel it in her bones: an unnerving beeping sound, that started getting louder and louder. The Equestrian girls were also affected, and they couldn’t move their limbs because of the sound’s high-pitched frequency.

“WHAT IS GOING ON???” Rainbow screamed again.

“This is the last stand, it’s now or never!” Kate replied ambigously. “No victim has ever reached this stage by far!”

But it was too late to contemplate about anything anymore. This time, Slender Man’s appearance was by far more terrifying than the others. The moment he appeared, several thick black tentacles sprouted from his back. It was clear that he was enraged by the girls’ presence at this point. As much as he enjoyed a good ‘challenge’, humans always drove him crazy when they were alive on his territory for too long. Thus, he went berserk in a short time and started coiling his tentacles around the girls’ waists and necks, lifting them up to his level. Suddenly, the whole forest was filled with bloodcurdling screams. It was a frightening sight for Twilight, the only one that wasn’t ensnared in the faceless being’s tendrils; she was right behind the cabin, too afraid to make any move.

“The end is near…” she mumbled to herself, a tear falling down her cheek.

[cosmosogler]

hi guys.

last night i had nightmares. i had to fly in a plane back and forth across the country like five times. on the final flight we crashed in the snowy wilderness. a notable chunk of the dream was just me sitting in the woods with a bunch of valley girls getting wet and cold.

when i woke up it was still hot and i just... couldn’t get back to sleep? i didn’t even want to. i just sat in bed for 25 more minutes doing nothing.

OH. last night i took the allergy medication. the one that helps you sleep. except while i was dozing i suddenly started having... FLASHBACKS!!! so then i was panicking but i couldn’t get up or wake myself up enough to do anything about it and i was just fighting this drowsiness and flailing and man it was kind of awful. it took me forever to even fall asleep and it was kind of because it snuck up on me. i don’t even remember closing my eyes.

anyway i got up and flopped into some normal people clothing and sat around waiting for the fluoride treatment to finish again and then i biked to campus and it was muggy and hot (but not as hot as my apartment). i got settled into my office, did ACTUAL HOMEWORK (!!!!!!!!!!) for a while, and then went to the ta training. then i biked over to the drc, where i learned that my appointment had been with the psychiatrist and i wrote down the wrong place. i had to reschedule that, and then while i was at the drc i took the opportunity to set up an appointment with the girl who had contacted me last week. when i got back to my office they had set up an appointment with the wrong staff member so i’ll have to call them tomorrow.

i hung out in the office until 5-ish and then i biked home in the rain. it cleared up as i pedaled up the hill so that was nice. i made a smoothie for dinner and had some snacks throughout the evening... and i drew for two and a half hours! i finished less than a page. but i finished two panels of horrible, horrible bookshelf.

it takes forever. it’s not hard but there’s so many lines.

but LOOK AT THIS NERD:

it’s like drawing a completely different character. i think this is the most engaged he gets in the entire story. 

other than when he actually gets engaged, i guess.

he’s helping timpani wash her dishes. i’m having trouble with the plates is all. it looks better since finishing the panel. you’ll probably see it tomorrow.

i’m so happy i only have to draw the bookshelf two more times though. at least until we end up in the library again in two scenes. 

anyway, maybe earlier i had more to say but now i’m just... so tired. i’m really struggling to focus and remember stuff. i don’t want to move. 

something good today is that i did half my em assignment, which isn’t due until next wednesday. i feel like i’m on top of things for once. i even did a tiny little bit of reading for stat mech. easing into the school work. i also got a lot better real fast at my note taking program, which i am also using to do homework. suzanne told me how to print out my work to turn in when it’s due. and with the pen my notes are gonna be a lot less huge so that’ll be good too.

socially i’m having Problems. as usual. keegan walked over to look at my computer when he noticed i was clicking around at my desk and i closed out of my folder before he could see it haha. and ammar actually got a look at my new notebook, which i am using to do practice sketches and references. he made an excited noise and i slammed my hand over it and said “nuh uh” and he seemed disappointed. “maybe later,” i said. 

should have expected that. if i draw on campus people are just gonna notice i’m drawing. but i spend so much time on campus it’s kind of obnoxious to only draw at home. i guess i’ll have to prepare myself. maybe i can talk to my therapist about it next time i see her in one million years. or i guess i’ll just have to work through it here.

it’s really the value judgments. i’ve talked to harrison about it... i don’t mind criticism. it’s a normal part of getting feedback and it helps you make your style work. it’s the comments like “this is weird and you are weird for thinking about it” and “it’s just too strange for me” and “what is this some kind of pokemon” that get to me. “this is bad and you are bad” comments. you’re a nerd so your opinion doesn’t matter and your art doesn’t matter. you’re a dork so you’re not a worthwhile human being. no one wants to hear your opinions because you had this weird idea and shared it, how embarrassing. you’re weird so no one wants to talk to you.

and then they make fun of you when they think you can’t hear them. they don’t know you’re sitting directly outside the window watching the moon rise. or even when they know you can hear them because you are literally three feet away! that one was a good time.

and... i know not everyone is like that. it can’t be that everyone is like that. but enough people are like that, and enough people who know me very well and are close to me and know exactly what i’m self conscious about are like that. i can’t do that again. i can’t do it again. i can’t find that out about my new friends/coworkers, that they are willing to say things like that about me to me. 

one of the comments i got in group therapy was “it sounds like people haven’t always treated you the way you deserve” and that stuck with me. “but you are strong” is the second half of that sentence. 

i don’t know how i deserve to be treated. i feel like i don’t deserve anything. but i protect myself anyway, i guess, because i expect to be treated the way i deserve. which is horribly. i’m afraid of being treated the same way my whole life. and if people don’t know what i like they can’t deliberately attack the things i like, and the things i like about myself, and the things i spend time thinking about. they can only do it on accident which is completely different and mostly forgivable.

i’m just so tired. i’m tired of being treated like garbage by so many people. people i barely know, total strangers, people i’ve spoken to about serious topics, people i like, people i admire, people i love, people in charge of me, people i have to be around because that’s where i’m at. 

and yeah. i know i’ve been treated nicely by people in those same categories. but it’s so few. it’s never enough. i feel selfish. “please be nice to me” but everyone has to be nice at all times. it makes me feel... bratty and childish. expecting people i love and am emotionally close to to be nice to me. like of course that’s not guaranteed. i’m not naive. i’m not “pure.” i’m not “too good to interact with normal people.” high and mighty. arrogant. full of myself. egotistical.

of course people aren’t gonna like me. i’m not likable. i’m overwhelming. of course people attack me. i talk big and that annoys them and then they realize i am tiny and weak and they can take me down a peg and i won’t be able to bite back. 

it’s even easier to take me down a peg when they figure out what i like and can attach my worth to that. my classmates might not think anything of it now, but it’s easy to take the step over to “sammie’s priorities are totally whack, she draws instead of practicing physics, which she is very bad at” or “hey remember that thing i was cool with before? I’M NOT COOL WITH IT ANY MORE!!!”

and if they do that i can’t bite back. i don’t think that way. i’m not... cunning enough for that. genuine insults are so difficult.

today i wore my “cool dude” shirt and one of the upper classmen pointed it out. he’s the one whose pants are always falling down. like i have never seen the guy with his fly up. it intimidates me. but i said the shirt makes me feel better about myself. a little later while i was talking to keegan and harrison about, like, life standards, i said “OH NO THIS IS MEETING ALL MY STANDARDS!!!” and then i hated myself. two references to the same thing is Too Many. especially when i saw the guy look over at me. i wanted to skitter under a rock like the horrible goblin i am.

but yeah. opening up continues to be difficult. even when i fail to be subtle about it because i’m stupid and can’t stick to “never bring this up” when i make a decision to never bring it up. it’s like, part of me wants to talk about it, part of me wants to share. but so much of me is violently opposed to the idea. but then i thwart myself by drawing in a place where other people can easily just walk in and see.

thwarting myself. i’m always doin that.

this is why it’s hard to figure out who i am and what i want!!! god jesus!!!!!!!

the worst part is that it’s not even one incident that brought this on. i wish it had been. it would be easier to deal with. it’s just. it’s been so many people for so many long years. half the time with these comics i have to take a deep breath and bite my lip and just upload the dang things. and this is on the internet!!! virtually no one personally knows me!!!!

ok. good talk. now it’s 11 so i filled out an hour. (my timer is 45 minutes but that’s ok.) i have about five closing thoughts but i’m not sure i want to actually say any of them. might keep it to myself and forget about it later. 

even with harrison i feel like i am giving out too much of myself. i keep trying to curb it back but i am doomed to make the same social mistakes over and over and over forever i guess. overwhelming. i tell him about my drawing process and then i feel sick. i mention a life anecdote and i wish i could fall through the floor. i’m desperate to talk about anything but physics so he and my other friends won’t catch on to how stupid i am. i’m really scared of someone starting to like me as more than a friend. it keeps me awake at night. i don’t like that story. i’ve heard it too many times.

all the problems. at some point i’ll just have to take a deep breath and cannonball into the icy cold deep end of “allowing people to discover things that are personal to me” and hope for the best. just like last time. and the time before that. and the time before that. and even the time before that.