#i am not really exaggerating. ocd is really just like that

[podcast-hemocytoblast]

imagine you’re just minding your own business trying to each your lunch in peace only for someone to have hidden a remote detonator to a big ass bomb in your sandwich, so that when you take a bite of your sandwich it sets off the detonator and levels an entire city, killing thousands of people. That’s the sort of bullshit i would’ve had an ocd obsession about at age 7, but for jonathan sims it’s just a thing that can happen irl i guess

When you think about it, it was pretty on brand for Elias to start the apocalypse by giving Jon Evil Paperwork.

[fuck-customers]

Huh. It worked.

So, I'm unbelievably burnt out at my job but I guess a tiny part of me either still cares like 1% or is OCD because there are certain things that drive me absolutely up the wall and I really, really want them changed/fixed. But each time I bring up suggestions to my managers, they swiftly ignore me.

Just to be clear, the suggestions are "hey maybe we should have price tags on the products that we're selling in the store. I'm willing to take the time to tag things if you could provide me with the machine that prints the tags. Customers complain to me every shift about our products not having visible prices." Or "hey whatever happened to the price scanners? We used to have them on the main aisles and then one day they disappeared. They weren't malfunctioning before that. And if they were, why weren't they replaced? It's been years. Customers hate having to track one of us down to price check something." Or "hey our online inventory is completely inaccurate and it makes finding products difficult for us and customers. Is there any way to fix this? Can we employees be doing something?"

Of course I get brushed off or told some vague bullshit like "oh corporate made the decision" "it's up to corporate" with no further explanation.

HOWEVER.

I realized my manager was paying attention to some reviews because she had us change some things based on some survey. Like greetings. I figured out that we had receipt surveys. (we have never been required to push these and only management can read them, so there was no reason I would know about them before this) I tested out ny theory by artificially tanking our greeting ratings and my manager almost immediately was on us to greet every customer. I realized I could use this to my advantage and make complaints/constructive criticism as "the customer" (nothing obvious that would come back to me. I'm not stupid. It's not like I'm leaving reviews that say "give OP a raise! They're the best!" I'm not that stupid)

And you know what? It's slowly working. I had heard many customers complaining about the lack of price tags, so some "customers" complained about them in the reviews and a few weeks later, my manager was tagging everything in the queue line. I'm currently still working on getting the entire store properly tagged and getting the godawful music they play on the radio changed. (Ok fine, that one's for me, I can't stand that garbage, specifically Lovefool by The Cardigans. It's a mediocre song on its own, but I am not exaggerating when I say it plays at minimum twice an hour- I counted) But it's fucking working. No one is more shocked than me. Because my main motivation when starting this little project was to prevent myself from completely losing my mind and also screaming some of the things I hated about the store into the void and would you fucking know it? The void is responsive.

HEY! I like that song. I know Malwart got rid of the price scanners around the store to force customers to download the app. And are even making some self checkouts pay to use by making them only available to Malwart+ subscribers.

-Rodney

[max1461]

Anyway I'm glad OCD doesn't get the same level of discourse that other mental illnesses get, I think I would hate that. I have various thoughts about my OCD but relatively few I would like to share, or be subjected to debate on or whatever. In general I don't think of OCD as like, a secret superpower or some shit like what people say about ADHD, I mostly think of it as a hindrance. At the same time it's not exactly true that I would take a pill which "cured" it if offered: I suspect that mental illnesses are, mostly, more like exaggerated expressions of tendencies that are present in all brains. Like everyone obsessively worries sometimes, and people lie on a bell curve or whatever wrt how much they do it. And people with OCD are just outliers on that bell curve (or a collection of related bell curves) to the degree that it gets noticed and given a name. But like, one suspects you couldn't just flip some switch and do away with this without affecting the whole brain system in more complex knock-on ways, i.e. changing who I am as a person. And I really like who I am as a person! So if the cost of that is that I occasionally worry in this way that's really irrational, and cope with it through irrational behaviors, that's like, a totally reasonable price to pay for being me. I would accept that price and refuse the pill. At least if I'm right about how all this works.

[clusterlgbt]

You know - I’ve been thinking a lot about fakeclaiming lately, and about faking disorders in general. And I’ve realized I don’t care, and I hate fakeclaimers way more than I hate fakers, and I’d rather support 100 fakers than doubt 1 one person who may or may not be real.

First of all, obviously there are some people who fake (or even just exaggerate!) their symptoms due to a mental illness to begin with. Factitious disorder, HPD, etc. There’s also the hypochondriacs, people with health related OCD, etc that might "fake" without realizing due to accidentally self-diagnosing. Or wrong self-diagnosis (or wrong professional diagnosis!) in general. And there’s also people who are just misinformed.

I guess I am annoyed by the people who are like “oh i get distracted sometimes so that means i have adhd” but i don’t really count that as faking. That’s just not understanding.

In fact, I won’t even fakeclaim people who clearly CAN’T have the disorder. What I mean by that is, well, for example, you have to be 18 to be diagnosed with ASPD. But that doesn’t mean you fall asleep NT on your last day of being 17 and then you wake up with ASPD on your 18th birthday. So if I see a minor self-dxed with ASPD, I don’t think fakeclaiming them does much good.

I have 2 disorders that arent even in the DSM - maladaptive daydreaming disorder and c-ptsd. Does this mean people have the right to fakeclaim me? And if so, what does that mean about my symptoms? Does it mean they're less real because they're not technically a part of a legal diagnosis?

I'll be honest - and it's hard for me to confess this - occasionally I've seen some disorders that I doubt “really exist”…for example i’m often skeptical of things like ODD and conduct disorder. I think most of the time, that’s just kids not wanting to be controlled by authority and it’s often overdiagnosed in minorities and/or abused kids. But I won’t claim those disorders don’t exist at all, because clearly people exhibit those behaviors and suffer because of it. And even if someone IS misdiagnosed, well clearly that's because they're suffering in some way, right? Yes, as a youth liberation activist, I do think ODD is often overdiagnosed, and I often wonder if it'd exist at all if the youth were truly free. But until they are truly free and we can actually figure that out, who I am to claim that it's not real?

Lately, the internet likes to argue if certain addictions exist. Porn, sex/masturbation, the internet itself, gaming, etc. I'm skeptical of most of these myself, not because I don't think they're addictive whatsoever but because, again, I think it's a label that is often slapped on to people by sex-negative people, luddites, etc. But, like, man - if I see someone that says to have those disorders i’m not gonna fucking say “no you don’t, those things don’t exist.” I’m gonna offer support!

Clearly if people are DXing themself with something its cuz they think something is wrong and they deserve support. Wild concept, right?

It's also why i hate the whole concept of “oh you’re not mentally ill you’re just a teen/stressed/Going Through Something.” Even if that IS the case, they still deserve support, and honestly if someone even "just temporarily" or "just barely fits" the criteria for a mental illness or PD or whatever I’m not gonna tell them theyre lying and that it’s temporary and that they shouldn’t self dx. Situational mental illness and borderline mental illness (not BPD, literally towing the line between having a diagnosis and not) are very real things. So even if someone claims to have a disorder despite missing one or two DSM criteria, I am not gonna tell them they don't have that disorder.

Like…….someone saying “I have BPD” or “I have depression” or “I have psychosis” in a self-diagnose context isn’t just giving you a disorder - they’re also telling you SYMPTOMS and BEHAVIORS that describe what they’re going thru, or think they’re going thru, and by fakeclaiming you’re basically telling them, “No, you’re not.”

So no, I don't fakeclaim anyone. Even if they're a minor with ASPD. Even if they have a disorder that I don't technically think should exist in the DSM. Even if they have a disorder that DOESN'T exist in the DSM. Even if they have two or more disorders that completely conflict with one another, such as say, AVPD and HPD.

There is absolutely a time for us antipsych/psych-critical activists to critique the DSM. There is absolutely a time to talk about how certain disorders will be overdiagnosed in certain minorities (and underdiagnosed in others, but my G-d, that is a rant for another time and day because that in itself is a whole book). There is absolutely a time to talk about how something that's classified as a disorder shouldn't be a disorder at all (transmeds, if you've read this far, fuck off, my gender is not a mental illness).

But there's also, more often, times to just let people be. Do not fakeclaim anyone, even if you really doubt them. Even people who truly do intentionally fake are people who are needy of attention and support in some other ways. And whining about how they fake being mentally ill does not help them.

[clatterbane]

That was actually one thing that exasperated me the last time I dealt with my uncle in person.

He had a serious mad on at my stepdad, which had obviously built up over the years. There are plenty of legitimate criticisms to be made there! I lived with the man for many years, and he really is difficult to deal with and kind of a big jerk. I am very aware of this. I have talked to the man maybe once since the last time I was back home.

Inserting a cut for long and ranty shit, dealing with some family drama and rather traumatic financial happenings. Also nobody wanting to fucking listen to me about things they were invested in not hearing.

My mother had her own problems, or she would have run far away before they ever got more than a date or two in--much less stayed with the guy for 20+ years until she died. Marinara flags all over the place.

I am sure that some of the man's persistent financial problems really were kinda self-inflicted. I mean, on top of legit being multiply disabled and going through two bouts with cancer when I was still a kid.

But...to my original point? Said uncle (my only surviving blood one) also has the Family OCD, and worse tendencies than I do to fixate on things that piss him off as a handy distraction from other anxieties. Easier to rant than to deal with the other fears. I understand this probably better than he does, and it's still really hard to take sometimes.

Anyway, on this occasion he had partly managed to get fixated on the specific idea that Stepdad The Jerk must have been making a bunch of shit up all along about that big looming medical debt from the cancer surgery. Because (his wife, the longtime hospital administrator and CPA) knows very well how medical debt works, and that ain't it!

The thing is, Jerky Stepdad is very very bad at straight-up lying. He will just make shit up sometimes to cover his ass, but it doesn't work so well. (Usually he WILL just try and rules-lawyer his way through, and that really does tend to work better than you might expect. People often just don't know what to do.)

And yeah, I was there to see up close how that went. The key: it wasn't normal medical debt, legally. Because the surgery was done through Big State Medical School Hospital in Richmond, leaving him in like $60,000+ in mid-'80s money worth of direct debt to the Commonwealth of Virginia itself once Blue Cross refused to pay after preapproving it.

(The same surgeon was ready to do the exact same procedure at the VA hospital just down the street instead otherwise, but Medical School Hospital had so much better facilitate overall. Stepdad is part of probably the last group of Vietnam vets where the VA was still theoretically on the hook for covering all future medical treatment for literally anything, but yeah you're better off going elsewhere if you can at all. The freaking VA was willing to cover this surgery. That's how experimental a treatment it really was by then.)

So yeah, that was why we had actual state employees from the Attorney General's office calling nonstop and actually harassing me too starting from when I was like 12. (I am not exaggerating. Half of what they were doing was anything but legal. They were even trying to get me to accept responsibility for his debt before he died from a cancer with a not great prognosis. Knowingly dealing with what was obviously a kid who was not even blood related to him.)

Jerky Stepdad also managed to personally piss off the sitting state Attorney General at the time. Which is honestly no wonder. But, over most of the like 7 years she was in the position? He really did kinda get targeted by that office--with the whole household along for the ride.

Oh yeah, being the actual state? They really could pull shit like seizing every penny of state income tax returns, seizing a sizeable chunk of your damn unemployment checks, placing liens on any property you have (yep, very much including your house!), and so on. Ad nauseam. Then ring your phone some more to hassle anybody unfortunate enough to answer, like the worst collection agency ever, working on the state's dime.

They did try to foreclose on the house at least once. I was there. I saw the legal papers and the (broke) scrambling to forestall that. He was still in that house at last check, very much alive decades after that liver resection and still a giant PITA to deal with.

Normal medical debt doesn't work that way. Debt owed to the Commonwealth of Virginia very much does. And I had a front row seat for most of that shitshow, like it or not. It directly impacted me a lot, and I saw the various official paperwork to confirm pretty much every story the dude I didn't even particular like had supposedly pulled out of his ass pertaining to that whole mess.

Of course, Darling Uncle didn't want to hear a word about how some assumptions were very seriously off base there. As little as I even enjoyed being put in a position where I felt compelled to defend somebody I was pretty mad at myself at the time for some other reasons.

It was much easier to continue on that misplaced rip, and make up his own stories to justify all of it.

He was actually being unusually careful to make it clear that he was righteously pissed at Stepdad, and knew I had nothing to do with any of the shit he was ranting about. I still resented the hell out of getting put in a position like that YET AGAIN. By somebody who wouldn't fucking listen to anything he didn't want to hear.

But yeah, family.

I got extremely sick of ending up smack in the middle of too much shit, trying to play moderator for people behaving very unreasonably whether I wanted to or not. As the kid of the (at least equally loud!) Designated Scapegoat who had just thoroughly departed the scene, or was maybe still in the process of doing so. I don't remember the exact timing of that exasperating interaction. There was rather a lot going on. NOBODY needed that shit on top of it.

[bananonbinary]

i'm always very wary of the idea of like, "real" versus "mild" disability. or worse, "real" versus "fake." the implied idea in that last post (from op, not the addition) that, "oh, well, obviously a REALLY disabled person shouldn't be expected to do things they literally can't, but mildly disabled people need to stop doing that." or the discourse around "therapy speak," or people "watering down" terms like ocd and intrusive thoughts. or one that i've definitely complained about before, the idea of "feigned incompetence" from abled people.

it's. ugh. look. i understand that some people really are co-opting and misusing terms, or exaggerating their symptoms, or pretending to be worse at something than they actually are. and its really really frustrating and upsetting.

but also. i am very very very afraid of the way people talk about these issues, because 99% of the time, their solution seems to be, "only True Disableds are allowed accommodation, and I am the sole arbiter of what disability is." idk, as someone who went most of my life undiagnosed but turned out to need a very high level of support, i just don't see a way to address these issues that don't hurt more than help. i think it helps more to just take people at their word and assume they really can't do the thing they said they can't. even if they're undiagnosed and just think it's a personal quirk. if they're honest, you've just helped someone. and if they're not, that's probably something that requires a long conversation rather than a snarky ratio on twitter, you know?

[real-godzekiel]

Sorry. I am quite tired today from school so I'm just going to cut to the chase and not be too detailed.

Note that I will discuss topics relating to self harm and mental illness (mainly dermatillomania and trichotillomania, but also body dysmorphia and substance abuse disorder) in this post. I will also show footage of the show that have blood and are discomforting. I also know that this might be obvious to some people, but I felt the need to explain why I specifically think this way.

I think Mirror Man has dermatillomania and Wine Mom has trichotillomania. Here is why:

You may have noticed that I draw scars on Mirror Man's hands. These scars are based on the ones people like me usually get from picking their skin.

(In the past, I used to put trigger warnings on these drawings. But now, realizing that most of these images are not focussed on these scars at all, I find it weird to put a trigger warning for things that many people visibly suffer from. Then, I would have to put a trigger warning if I ever post a photo of myself experiencing daily life because there are scars on my hands. That's like putting a trigger warning for someone who visibly still suffers from a bone fracture because it triggers people who are afraid of breaking bones. It's stupid. So, I stopped putting trigger warnings for images of characters with scars unless the scars are the focus. I am sorry if this is upsetting to some people, so DM me if you are concerned about something like this.)

Mirror Man's whole identity, at least according to himself, is based on removing his own imperfections to be perfect. I know that I pick my skin usually because I felt that it was not smooth enough, although I did not necessarily want it to be smooth because of body dysmorphia. However, Mirror Man probably thinks it was awful that his skin has imperfections here and there and likely he tries to fix it using methods that are not healthy.

This is kind of canon in the original animated short:

Although this might an exaggeration for the visuals of his song, I think it is safe to assume that he goes beyond just fixing his body with safe surgeries and make-up. He sometimes draws blood from picking his body without a reasonable purpose aside from "Oh God. Oh God. This does not look good. This is upsetting to look at and it is my responsibility to fix this."

Also, there is the statistic that many people with body dysmorphia also have this condition. Although this doesnt mean Mirror Man has this condition just because he kind of canonically has body dysmorphic disorder, I think it makes it more likely for him to have it. There is also talks about dermatillomania's relations to OCD, but I don't know enough, honestly. I don't even know if I know enough about dermatillomania to make this post, except that I have dermatillomania which might make it excusable for me to make this post anyhow. I do not know if I have OCD.

Ok, onto Wine Mom.

This might be kind of a stretch because 1. It is not certain if I have trichotillomania because I do not pull my hair very often anymore. 2. There is no canonical proof of her pulling her hair.

So, it's really just a headcanon from what is implied in the short.

The most important reason why I think she has trichotillomania or at least some hair-pulling related problems is because of her hair:

It is very uneven. This might just be a way to convey how unkempt she is or even illustrate the effects addictions have on your hair, particularly hair loss. (It may also just be Stauber's style, which is also likely. LOL!) However, I think it is not impossible that she still has some problems with hair-pulling.

Wine Mom canonically has substance use disorders and likely suffers from depression, seen by her gloomy dialogue with Claire. She might have anxiety, too, but that is more "headcanon territory." Either way, this definitely makes it more likely that she has trichotillomania. I might also mention the "hold her hair" part in Virtuous Cycle, but that is more of a reference to her substance abuse disorder. Either way, surprising amount of emphasis on hair in Wine Mom's sections of OPAL!

What I'm trying to say is: something is wrong with Wine Mom's scalp. This is me self-projecting and I am so sorry if it sounds like I am not taking this seriously or going through these theories well. It is really a stretch, but yeah. Headcanons.

Pseudofolliculitis on Wine Mom's scalp.

Dandruff, and she scratches it.

Bald spots that she hides by covering them with her long hair.

Another big headcanon is I believe she may have started pulling her hair a while before her substance abuse disorder. I think that Wine Mom, as a teenager, was introverted and nervous. She might have been frustrated with her hair because it discomforts her skin, so she started pulling them out, which turned out to be satisfying to her. Usually these types of "habits" are gratifying because they provide a sense of relief after pain and triggers some kind of reward system.

Either way, yeah.

I think Wine Mom and Mirror Man has these mental conditions that I (likely) have because I love these characters and it makes me feel comforted to think about it. Also, I like seeing how others interpret fictional characters' mental conditions in a way that does not sound like "I think this character has (condition) because I like sounding smart and pretending to know a lot about mental health." This is because posts like mine, I believe, are more of "I headcanon this because I think it may be compelling and also I relate."

Okay. That's it. Good night guys.

[librarycards]

*might be sending this to a bunch of people with great blogs who I really like and appreciate

saw a claim made that ocd "can never be cured, like thatevery person who has ocd will always deal with it, "have it" and that's because ocd is caused by a "chemical imbalance in the brain" and that it's been "proven by research". so they say you can't deal with ocd for only a few months or years, if you say you have than it wasn't actually ocd you're lying or exaggerating. which I find ridiculous and insulting, but than they say something worse "research has proven it's chemicals in the brain" which sounds even more ridiculou (im anti-psychiatry all the way. but what can I say to that?! any thoughts?? is this person referencing any real research? or just made up pro psychiatry nonsense??

I'm afraid I might not have a satisfying answer to this ask, mostly because I'm 1) agnostic (at my most generous) to the "chemical imbalance theory" of "mental illness" (as it were). there is nuance to this: i don't think that we are somehow entirely unaffected by our brains, in terms of structure and contents etc. Rather, I think that the construction of "mental disability" is relatedly only tangentially to what our brains actually "do." That is, the construction of mental disability preceded and continues to exceed what is capable of being known about the brain "itself," because mental disability is first and foremost a social, medical, legal, linguistic construction. Little more evidence of this is needed than the fact that I have never had my brain scanned, yet have been diagnosed with myriad mental disabilities and institutionalized against my will. The brain is to mental disability what "sex" is to gender –– a mythology of concreteness designed to (unsteadily) bolster the flimsiness of the diagnosis, the assignment.

While I am also uninterested in recovery as a paradigm, and in theorizing what it might look like to be "free" of a certain part of the way i move through the world (ocd included), I am interested in collective healing with and through self-determination and free association. What I know for sure, despite the murkiness of everything else, is that it is possible to substantially improve your quality of life in a wide variety of ways: some people find medications that help, some counselling (whether professional or informal). Others choose spirituality and meditation. Others self-direct using freely available therapeutic resources. Still more enlist the help of their friends and loved ones to keep track of types of behavior they'd like to avoid. And, of course, some don't do any of that, and it is their right to do so, so long as they are not endangering others, regardless of how shitty it feels (both for them and the people who care about them).

so: I'm giving you a non-answer. I don't believe in cure because I don't believe in disability-as-disease. I think people who are obsessed (haha) with figuring out the etiology of different diagnoses are at best naïve and at worst eugenicist. (Note: i am not upset with you, nor do I think you're a eugenicist or any other genre of bad person! Thinking about these things does not make you bad. Asking these questions in good faith does not make you bad, either.) I think that we will be much better positioned to talk about living and improving together when we forget chemical imbalances or medical decrees of terminality or unrecoverability or treatment resistance, and start thinking about things we can do in our lives now that help us create better futures.

[chasedeys]

anxiety ridden babbling ahead that i felt the need to type out but literally no need to interact with this at all lmao but feel free to read for entertainment!

one of the superstitions i have is not liveblogging bengals matches or even being on here for some reason i cant explain. and this oh well whatever fuck it idgaf mentality im trying to apply vis a vis the 4-7 record negates that sort of. but if i lb and it all goes to shit I might kms lmaoooo /hyperbole ofc but the entire thing is crazy and im hemming and hawing over this like an insane person

like i had a trial run (laughing at myself as i type this) with the steelers browns game but since the stakes are ??!???!?! the results are very much inconclusive because if the steelers lost then good for the bengals! that means that the steelers can be beat by a team with a shit record and a team we already beat once (that had 3 different qbs for one game and clearly going through shit throughout the game which is a whole other variable fuck up) but the browns defense is sigh and bengals defense is also sigh of a different direction and if the browns lost that would be better for us making-the-playoffs-wise because of the w-l records etc but also bad bc ffs how are we beating the steelers and then the steelers lost which is good but also not good because now we're literally a single win record in front of the browns. for fucks sake bengals literally what is the matter with BUT ANYWAY my point is should i really actually make myself lb because i have so much shit to say like i can YAP yap you know and keeping it all in hurts idk that's an exaggeration i just like typing shit out dramatically as you can see from literally this entire post im actually pretty quiet irl off tangentially sorry but anywayyyyyy

another superstition i have is i have to like every insta post and story. every tweet and thread from bengals official account. and read all the news segment in the bengals app and also the photos section PRIOR to the game. while the liking posts thing is throughout the game so i have to check twt and ig periodically. and this weirdly has been proven (😭!! fucking stupid ass of me i know but) bc i couldn't check on shit at all for the chargers game bc i had pressing plans and when i finally came to check the box score they were in a 6-24 stupidity and then when i fully liked all the posts and scrolled the news and photos in the app they miraculously started getting touchdowns?? this is very much not a correlation or causation of events its just a plain fucking coincidence noticed only thanks to my delusional borderline obsessive compulsive ass. but the fact that it did went on that way did not help this annoying crushing superstition of mine. but because this has been proven (they still lost but thats just a them thing and the word proven has quotation marks okay) i Cannot Not do this for all the games left 😭😭😭 lowkey borderline ocd literally hands shaking if i don't do this

i hate it 😭 but the idgaf mentality!!!! How Do I Do This. i am Not built for sports watching wow

[no-stupid-questions-official]

this might seem odd, but it has been a pretty large issue lately.

how do i stop reading fanfics that i don’t like? like, i’ll start reading a fic and half way through or so i’ll realize that i don’t like it and it’s causing me to get upset (like intrusive thoughts level of upset), and then i’ll click out of it like any normal person would.

but it will only be a little while until my brain goes back to thinking about it, and i get an urge to continue to read it. it’s hella hard to ignore this urge; it’s always in the background. and eventually, 9/10, i’ll cave and go back to reading it. 

sometimes the fic will get so horribly horrible that i can click out of it without worrying about the urge coming back, but other times the horribleness is only Just Horrible Enough. yknow? like it’s causing me emotional pain but not enough for the urge to read the fic to go away. like it’ll be enough to cause intrusive thoughts for weeks or even months after i read the fic, but not enough to make me stop.

i was wondering if there was like. Literally Anything to help me ignore the urge, because it is Really affecting me. i don’t like feeling every bad emotion at once (<- exaggerating) and i dont like having intrusive thoughts for quite possibly months after reading the fic. (<- not exaggerating)

if it helps i am almost definitely sure i have OCD, but i’m not sure if this could possible be an OCD thing, or maybe just some other ND thing. or maybe curiosity is just killing the cat. idk. point is i need to be able to ignore the damn urge.

-

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

i really think a lot of discourse spaces are predatory on people with moral ocd. not even just like important shit. shipping discourse. character apologist discourse. they’ll prey on their own by making them see being in the in group as the only way of not being awful and those outside by deliberately attacking the person in ways that worsen the issue. and this predatory behaviour very easily leads to sexually predatory behaviour too. I’ve seen all of this. and like I’m not fucking stupid I know it upticks when I talk about my suicidal tendencies the goal is to make people with moral ocd either pawns or fucking dead. whether consciously or not that’s what a scary amount of people on this website are doing. and then they’ll blame you for “exaggerating” like no I am not fucking stupid I know you want me to kill myself. I’m not “suicide baiting” by pointing out that the discourse fuckers always always always come out in droves whenever suicidal ideation and self harm is mentioned. Some people think being progressive is getting people with mildly different stances to literally kill themselves.

[star-girl69]

DUDEEEEEE. She calls me baby youuuuu ate that harrrrrrrd. Like I had to go back in for seconds and thirds and fourths fr fr. Cause are we even surprised or are we just grateful that you give us mortals a second of your time and talent????

Babe you are so incredibly talented. The way you write is sooooooo amazing its like you just know how to manipulate your words into something that will and has had me in tears in like 2 seconds. Don't even get me started on how you write your characters. Like I don't know how I can fully and most genuinely express the astonishment you leave me in all the time.

I believe that you are one of a kind and a treasure to be cherished. I know that doubting is inevitable but I hope that you know that I'm always gonna be in the obsessed with addie corner no matter what. Like I meant it when I said that there won't be a time when you have no fans. Ever. You will forever be my favourite gorgeous goddess❤️❤️❤️.

-❤️

(I'm sorry I've been so absent school has been actually eating me alive)

(I think about you everyday though and it makes life just that much better)

(I hope you don't think I'm exaggerating😭😭😭😭All of this that I've been feeling without releasing had to be sent in a long ask my bad)

(I missed your little bonuses though, I hope you're doing okay)

(I'm always here for anything you may need, even if its literally just to tell you how amazing you are)

(love you ❤️)

#jealousclarissesupremacy

I WAS WONDERING WHERE YOU WERE I WAS SO WORRIED I SMILED SO HARD WHEN I GOT THIS ASK 🤭🤭

I CANT THAT WHOLE SECOND PARAGRAPH LIKE I CANT LIKE WOWWWW YOU THINK THAT???? ABOUT MEEE??!!!!??!?!?!?!!

TREASURE IS INSANE BTW 🤭 anyways omg. i’m so grateful wtf like i’m sorry i cant come up w something more poetic like you i just love these asks so much i get so happy and idk how to express that other than ilysm and i’m just so happy and so so grateful

also gorgeous goddess… i giggled 🤭🤭🤭

(ITS OKAYYYYY IM GLAD YOUR BACK SCHOOL HAS BEEN COOKING ME TOO 💔💔)

(EVERYDAY??!?!?!?! i think about you everyday too tho….. thinking about that one day you were so active and i got like 5 asks from you… BEST DAY OF MY LIFEEE) (also pls don’t take this as me pressuring you TRUST i am grateful for whatever you give me 🙏🙏)

(STOP. I. LOVE. LONG. ASKS. DONT ANNOY ME BY DOUBTING MY LOVE FOR YOU!!!!!!!)

(idk i’m okay i’ve just been really feeling pressured to write stuff bc the fandom is dying down (guys pls come back) and i am now firmly addicted to the praise and number of notifs i get…. lol. the bonuses have always been weird bc sometimes they come so easily to me like the first one i did was so it goes and i didn’t even have to think about it and then someone said they liked it so i went back and did it to my other fics and started doing it and idk yeah basically what i’m saying is sometimes they’re so easy and other times i have to force myself to come up w something which sucks but people like them so i’m happy to do it!!!!)

(tbh i’ll probably go back and add a bonus to she calls me baby bc i have just a little teeny bit of ocd and it will bother me but also i’m trying to let the little things go but idk we’ll see how strong i am 😭😭)

(sorry i will stop ranting now) (shoutout to anyone who actually reads that incoherent ramble)

(i need to be told how amazing i am 24/7 so that will be hard 😔) (BUT I APPRECIATE YOU SAYING THAT)

(LOVE YOU TOOOOO 💋💋💋)

#iagreesobad

[sophsicle]

Hey Soph I just wanted to say thank you thank you thank you (!!) because (and I’m not exaggerating this when I say it) that reading KYD is helping me get diagnosed with ARFID - like I didn’t realise that what I was going through was a legit thing until I saw regulus going through a similar experience. So literally thank you so much! You’re representation of mental health, neurodivergence and other aspects relating to it is so so amazing and important!

oh wow, i'm so glad that this story was able to help you that's incredible and just makes me very happy <3

i've always felt that the narratives surrounding mental health that are presented and repeated over and over again in mainstream media are super unhelpful/harmful because they make it seem as though there is only one way to experience these issues and i don't think that's ever the case

i also find with EDs in particular, it's really hard because often they're not even really understood as being mental illnesses? there's this confusion between diet culture and eating disorders, and im not trying to say there is no overlap there because of course there is, but i am trying to say that an ED is not a diet, it's a compulsion, ive always felt that it's way more similar to something like OCD than people often think

[sunset-bridge]

The part where u said u'd be dying in a corner hit, dude (referencing OCD Goro post).

You got any other headcannons for him that you wanna tell the class?? (I mean this genuinely; I am curious)

THANK YOUUU !!!!

yes yes yes. ok wait..

i think he has freckles but he covers them up for tv and any public apperances. in third sem he doesnt give a shit anymore

i think he really likes disgustingly sweet things... the more sugar the better..!!

this is more a design headcanon thing to how i draw him but to me he has a round-ish face. nothing against people that draw him with like a long-ish face, but seeing his portrait sprites ingame i was always like. hehe round boy.... cute fluffy cheeks

on that note. i think hes built like a beanpole lol.. hes tall and lanky but muscular..? like not very visibly so. visibly he looks like a lamp post but he packs a surprising punch. he does NOT have much resistance though.. like a glass canon. hits like a truck but you sneeze on him and he crumples (this is true) (exaggeration. he has good endurance in a fight but every hit hurts him pretty bad. i hope you get what i mean.)

final design note.. i think he has stupidly long eyelashes . i suppose hes fine with them because they make it easier to appeal to the Public but sometimes he probably does wish he had shorter eyelashes.

when you catch him offguard he'll revert to Pleasant Boy Eyes tm for like a split second.

i don't think he likes physical affection very much. hes just not used to it and he finds it overwhelming. like. you know how cats get overstimulated when you pet them and they bite your hand. yes exactly like that. i think if you tried to hug him or something his mind just goes ??¡!!"?¡¡??¡¡?)(%&$%&&/ DAMNNATION!!!! and tries to murder you because apparently thats the only response possible.

i think his genuine laugh is this really cute-ugly ass laugh that only sergio enjoys. like this dog-bark ass laugh. evil laugh mfer!!!

when he was princekechi he opened his mouth way too wide whenever he spoke. i dont think this is how he naturally emotes when he talks; i think this was part of the act. very punchable

theater kid dramatic cunt disease terminal. this was true

well everyone knows this but he fights like a rabid animal. he bites people and scratches them with his horrible claws. bad animal.

i think he got a badass scar from after shido's palace fight with sergio. i should draw that sometime. i need to elaborate on this. ok if any of you know beastars, there was this time the wolf guy legoshi and his tiger buddy were having an argument ON STAGE that was very much not part of the show. anyways the tiger proceeded to "hug" legoshi to calm him down but he actually gored the fuck out of his back with his claws. something like that.

i am an Akechi last name believer. i think it was his mom's last name!

wait most important serious very REAL headcanon. he collects every form of hepatitis like baseball cards

ok those are at the top of my head :3c hope u enjoy

[starryoak]

It really sucks to comment on a post in a mildly joking or even entirely sincere manner and immediately get blocked. I absolutely realize people block other people on this website at the drop of a hat, but as an autistic person with scrupulosity my immediate reaction is that I would like to be able to tell someone I’m sorry for dropping the hat in the first place and that I didn’t mean to be rude.

Like, I’m not even saying it because I feel the need to be unblocked! I just need to tell them that it wasn’t meant to be annoying or rude, and I don’t hate them or anything. I mean, I can’t say it’s healthy that my OCD compels me to want to be unblocked and absolved for all my ‘sins’, but I can live with it and I’m fine with just feeling a little pang of sadness when I’m unable to like a post. I’m working on not having that happen either, but it’s very hard work, unlearning everything your brain as it was naturally made says you should feel.

And it’s just frustrating to me because it shows that even after near meteoric improvement in my social skills as I’ve gotten older (and also medicine), that it’s still hard for me to successfully assess social situations and comedy on a website where being rude is taken as funny over 75% of the time but there’s that other 25%… I often do literally add “(I am exaggerating for comedic effect”) as to make it more clear that this is intended as comedy, and… I guess it’s odd to me that’s treated as suspicious or something? Like, that nobody takes anyone else in good faith? I understand it’s a fools effort online, but I do genuinely try to be entirely sincere in my interactions online.

Like the automatic assumption that I’m not engaging sincerely when I’m trying to signal the exact opposite is both understandable and completely frustrating,

Just.. it’s like. People mock you if you engage with something sincerely, they mock you if you try to fit in, they mock you if you’re too rude, too nice, it feels frustrating when it feels like no matter what I do or whether I point out I am making a joke and not serious or play it straight, that I can’t get it right.

It’s not even about being blocked, really, (I’m lying my OCD hates it), it just hurts being confronted with the fact I’m almost two and a half decades into life and I still fail at basic social interaction despite my best efforts and despite the fact that I really am trying.

[running-in-the-dark]

I've got more to say on that post (tw I'm insane I don't know what to tag this as its just. mental illness man idk.)

I'm really, really glad that other people apparently really don't know what it's like to feel like that. like you're not allowed to think certain things or that thinking them makes you bad.

because fuck I wish that was me.

I find it almost impossible to talk about this but I'm trying because I've found it's really the only thing that helps a little bit - and it feels like literal torture, like. I am having to actively fight every instinct in my head to be able to type any of it.

but. just. man I just can't. sometimes I can do it, but sometimes it's like now and I get so panicked about it that all the words just fucking disappear. literally can't talk about it.

okay, I'll try a different way. so. I get extremely obsessed with fictional characters (which you know if you've ever looked at this blog because duh). obviously that means I think about them. a lot. all the time really. and it's. it is really really hard, honestly. just like. imagine having to basically check every. little. thought. to see if there's anything there that could make you a bad person.

again, can't go into any more detail because My Brain (probably should stop saying that, I guess it's like, part of the ocd tendencies I have or whatever) won't fucking let me.

so, I'm trying to work on that, and for some reason I'm doing that by writing it down instead. because then I have like, the option to go back and look at it and be like actually this is probably fine. not horrible, not the worst thing anyone has ever thought, and even if it was - no one but me is ever going to see this, so why should it even matter?

but more than anything it's like. shown me how fucking insane that is. I literally can't even write so much as like. a hug. without feeling like I'm the most disgusting piece of shit ever (lots of complicated reasons but it boils down to basically. well you're thinking about his body. and that his body would feel nice. and that is absolutely not allowed in any way). when I've said that I'm writing some insane shit I don't mean like haha, this is sooo dirty hehe :3 no guys I mean it is literally insane and mostly me literally having to write paragraphs of dialogue in which the character assures me that it's okay and I'm not horrible for thinking that and. like I'm literally writing him as if he's my fucking therapist because that's the only way I can justify it in my own head.

like, I am not exaggerating when I say that I've made myself feel like I'm physically ill from overthinking this so much. I literally felt like I had a fever because I got so extremely stressed out about it. I think that was about like. holding hands or some shit. I'm 32 fucking years old. I'm literally married (won't even get into that but fuck dude just imagine being like this and. yeah).

and the funniest part about all of that is that I feel so unbelievably ashamed about all of it that I don't think I could even mention it to a therapist or whatever. like the thought alone is so absolutely horrifying that it makes me feel like I need to be punished for it. so I just convince myself that well it can't really be OCD anyway because I don't even have compulsions anymore (even though I did, and they affected my life so much for like, 15 years at least), and well even if it could still be that even without the compulsions well it's not that bad really. I mean I don't have the issues that people with actual OCD have, it doesn't really affect me, so what if I can't think about fucking that fictional guy, imagine how much a therapist would laugh at you for thinking you should get help with that, nope your brain is just fundamentally broken (it's always been that way after all, so it can't be something like that, no you're just broken and wrong and that's why all your thoughts are bad, you're just the worst person on Earth).

I can't explain how hard it is to even like. just talk about the most mundane shit. like let's say there's a picture of The Guy and I think he looks good. it's such a struggle to let myself say that. like literally, something as fucking basic as that. literally anything that is an admission of 'hi I've thought about his face and his body and I think they look kind of nice' makes me feel like I should literally die. that's why I've been trying to say that shit as much as I can lately, with the reasoning being well if I just keep doing it and nothing horrible happens it'll get easier right? (nope it doesn't, not really)

and like, there's so much more to it than social media, obviously. like it's probably 99% my upbringing (didn't even fucking realise until very recently that a lot of it is based on religious stuff because I didn't understand that my family was even that religious. yeah I don't get it either. but there's way more than the religion aspect, just pretty much everything about my childhood and my parents and. everything). but it does play a huge part in it for me and. I don't know what to do about that and I'll probably do nothing because doing anything is hard and I'm already completely overwhelmed by everything.

yeah idk all of that came from thinking about that video too much, idk, I'm shutting up now