#i am inevitable etc etc
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NO MORE ASSOCIATING THINGS WITH FEMMES ONLY BECAUSE THEY ARE PINK!HYPERFEM FEMMES ARE GREAT AND I LOVE YOU CAMPY FEMMES WHO EMBODY PINK BUT ALSO JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU GUYS NOT GO MORE THAN ONE DAY W/O TRYING TO SHOEHORN FEMMES INTO BEING ONLY PINK UWU BABIES. I AM FEMME AS IN GRASS AS IN DIRT AS IN TREE BARK AS IN WEEDS SPROUTING THROUGH THE SIDEWALK CEMENT. FEMME AS IN GENDER NONCONFORMITY AS IN FUCK YOU MY FEMININITY IS WHAT *I* SAY IT IS. FEMME AS IN DEPTH AND DARKNESS AND WARMTH AND TERROR. FEMME AS IN CAVES. FEMME AS IN LIGHTNING. FEMME AS IN AN AMALGAMATION OF TRAITS THAT I HAVE DECIDED ARE FEMININE REGARDLESS OF WHAT SOCIETY SAYS. FUCK IS IT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!???
#personal#i am emotional yes#over the years ive had this blog I've made a few posts abt being femme#nd whether they're serious or jokey..... inevitably someone in the tags goes “ohhh yeah bc pink”#or in the case of what inspired this post: someone going “what about the pink ones” on my praying mantis post#and im just.#sick of it. im sick of femme being equated to pink and frilly girlie behaviors.#im sick of femme being equated to skirts and heels. to makeup. to skincare. to pristine nails exactly almond shaped.#im sick of ppl acting like All femmes aspire to this shit. im sick of femms being reduced to this shit.#and i love pink! i love pink! my phone theme is quite literally just black and pink all over.#im just. so tired of any expression of Femme identity being shoehorned into being a Specific type of femininity#especially as someone who DOES get dysphoric wearing skirts. wearing dresses. embodying the femme aesthetic yall are so set on making#if u guys wanna rb this i truly dont care#i just needed to scream#and this is one small thing#but the 2nd largest category of anon hate i have gotten since making this blog is str8 up homophobia from other “queer” folks#saying i cant be femme bc of how i present. calling me slurs (and using them as such) bc they cant understand femme as anything but that#my wife and i have our users in our personal discord server set as 2 different things of anon hate ive gotten#i have had OTHER FEMMES tell me i am not femme. femmes who Know im femme who still call me butch. femmes who ive corrected and been blocked#-by bc of it. the number 1 largest demographic of queerfolk who have me blocked rn is TME femmes who embody pink also#and i dont think its a coincidence at all. (and i know this bc i go to try and follow these ppl bc they get rbed on my dash & i cant)#and ik their blogs arent deleted bc some of them don't block my wife (tall. white. butch) and it cant be politics cause her and i rb#a lot of the same political shit (fuck. i think she rbs More than i do even. this is genuinely mainly a nsft blog)#and usually i don't say anything but im having a bad day so i get to be angry about this and if anyone fucking tries me i will block u#idc if we've been mutuals 4ever. im judt so tired of feeling like i am not Enough as a femme bc i dont embody this shit#im sick of this lameass lip service to he/him gnc femmes etc when the thin white 50s housewife femme is still what is preferred and loved#im sick of this lamesss lip service when y'all feel entitled to theorizing on other femmes genders bc u cant conceptualize a femme who does#wanna be hypetfeminine. im sick of it. im sick of it. im sick of it.#celebrity bun
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brightest dreams / ash and smoke
portfolio / instagram / commissions
#i am finally DONE!#click to enlarge i poured hours into those little lines#portfolio#arcane#viktor#and a random soldier i guess because i have a lot of feelings about the all out war that will inevitably happen in season 2#and both sides probably using magic to blow each other up so.#so much for 'we made hextech to improve lives not to take them' etc etc
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Do you conlang? I was wondering if you had naming languages (or possibly even more developed ones) for pulling the words you use. I tried to search your blog but didn't find anything, wouldn't be surprised if the feature is just busted tho. Your worldbuilding is wonderful and I particularly enjoy the anthropological and linguistic elements.
Ok the thing is I had kind of decided I was not going to do any conlanging because I don't feel like I'm equipped to do a good job of it, like was fully like "I'm just going to do JUST enough that it doesn't fail an immediate sniff test and is more thoughtful than just keysmashing and putting in vowels". And then have kinda been conlanging anyway (though not to a very deep and serious extent. I maybe have like....an above average comprehension of how language construction works via willingness to research, but that's not saying much, also I can never remember the meanings of most linguistic terms like 'frictives' or etc off the top of my head. I'm just kinda raw dogging it with a vague conceptualization of what these things mean)
I do at least have a naming language for Wardi (and more basic rules for other established languages) but the rudimentary forms of it were devised with methods much shakier and less linguistically viable than even the most basic naming language schemes, and I only went back over it LONG after I had already made a bunch of words so there's some inconsistencies with consonant presence and usage. (This can at least be justified because it IS a language that would have a lot of loanwords and would be heavily influenced by other language groups- Burri being by far the most significant, Highland-Finnic and Yuroma-Lowlands also being large contributors)
The 'method' I used was:
-Skip basic construction elements and fully move into devising necessary name words, with at least a Vibe of what consonants are going to be common and how pronunciation works -Identify some roots out of the established words and their meanings. Establish an ongoing glossary of known roots/words. -Construct new words based in root words, or as obvious extensions/variants of established words. -Get really involved in how the literal meanings of some words might not translate properly to english, mostly use this to produce a glossary of in-universe slang. -Realize that I probably should have at least some very basic internal consistency at this point. -Google search tutorials on writing a naming language. -Reverse engineer a naming language out of established words, and ascribe all remaining inconsistencies to being loanwords or just the mysteries of life or whatever.
I do at least have some strongly established pronunciation rules and a sense of broad regional dialect/accents.
-'ai' words are almost always pronounced with a long 'aye' sound.
-There is no 'Z' or 'X' sound, a Wardi speaker pronouncing 'zebra' would go for 'tsee-brah', and would attempt 'xylophone' as 'ssye-lohp-hon'
-'V' sounds are nearly absent and occur only in loanwords, and tend to be pronounced with a 'W' sound. 'Virsum' is a Highland word (pronounced 'veer-soom') denoting ancestry, a Wardi speaker would go 'weer-sum'.
-'Ch' spellings almost always imply a soft 'chuh' sound when appearing after an E, I, or O (pelatoche= pel-ah-toh-chey), but a hard 'kh' sound after an A or U (odomache= oh-doh-mah-khe). When at the start of a word, it's usually a soft 'ch' unless followed by an 'i' sound (chin (dog) is pronounced with a hard K 'khiin', cholem (salt) is pronounced with a soft Ch 'cho-lehm')
-Western Wardin has strong Burri cultural and linguistic influence, and a distinct accent- one of the most pronounced differences is use of the ñ sound in 'nn' words. The western city of Ephennos is pronounced 'ey-fey-nyos' by most residents, the southeastern city of Erubinnos is pronounced 'eh-roo-been-nos' by most residents. Palo's surname 'Apolynnon' is pronounced 'A-puh-lee-nyon' in the Burri and western Wardi dialects (which is the 'proper' pronunciation, given that it's a Kos name), but will generally be spoken as 'Ah-poh-leen-non' in the south and east.
-R's are rolled in Highland-Finnic words. Rolling R's is common in far northern rural Wardi dialects but no others. Most urban Wardi speakers consider rolling R's sort of a hick thing, and often think it sounds stupid or at least uneducated. (Brakul's name should be pronounced with a brief rolled 'r', short 'ah' and long 'uul', but is generally being pronounced by his south-southeastern compatriots with a long unrolled 'Brah' sound).
Anyway not really a sturdy construction that will hold up to the scrutiny of someone well equipped for linguistics but not pure bullshit either.
#I actually did just make a post about this on my sideblog LOL I think in spite of my deciding not to conlang this is going to go full#full conlanging at some point#The main issue is that the narrative/dialogue is being written as an english 'translation' (IE the characters are speaking in their actual#tongues and it's being translated to english with accurate meaning but non-literal treatment)#Which you might say like 'Uh Yeah No Shit' but I think approaching it with that mindset at the forefront does have a different effect than#just fully writing in english. Like there's some mindfulness to what they actually might be saying and what literal meanings should be#retained to form a better understanding of the culture and what should be 'translated' non-literally but with accurate meaning#(And what should be not translated at all)#But yeah there's very little motivation for conlanging besides Pure Fun because VERY few Wardi words beyond animal/people/place names#will make it into the actual text. Like the only things I leave 'untranslated' are very key or untranslatable concepts that will be#better understood through implication than attempts to convey the meaning in english#Like the epithet 'ganmachen' is used to compliment positive traits associated with the ox zodiac sign or affectionately tease#negative ones. This idea can be established pretty naturally without exposition dumps because the zodiac signs are of cultural#importance and will come up frequently. The meaning can get across to the reader pretty well if properly set up.#So like leaving it as 'ganmachen' you can get 'oh this is an affectionate reference to an auspicious zodiac sign' but translating#it as the actual meaning of 'ox-faced' is inevitably going to come across as 'you look like a cow' regardless of any zodiac angle#^(pretty much retyped tags from other post)#Another aspect is there's a few characters that have Wardi as a second language and some of whom don't have a solid grasp on it#And I want to convey this in dialogue (which is being written in english) but I don't want it to just be like. Random '''broken''' english#like I want there to be an internal consistency to what parts of the language they have difficulties with (which then has implications for#how each language's grammar/conjugation/etc works). Like Brakul is fairly fluent in Wardi at the time of the story but still struggles#with some of the conjugation (which is inflectional in Wardi) especially future/preterite tense. So he'll sometimes just use the#verb unconjugated or inappropriately in present tense. Though this doesn't come across as starkly in text because it's#written in english. Like his future tense Wardi is depicted as like 'I am to talk with him later' instead of 'I'll talk with him later'#Which sounds unnatural but not like fully incorrect#But it would sound much more Off in Wardi. Spanish might be a better example like it would be like him approaching it with#'Voy a hablar con él más tarde' or maybe 'Hablo con él más tarde' instead of 'Hablaré con él más tarde'#(I THINK. I'm not a fluent spanish speaker sorry if the latter has anything wrong with it too)
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It is my solemn duty to inform you that he did fuck that old man
#hawkeye pierce#henry blake#henhawk#m*a*s*h#mashposting#mashblogging#the incubator#s2e12#i shouldn't have to say this but inevitably i will i am using that because it is the meme format etc etc don't tell me he is middle aged :)
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hey like shout out to Jiao Liqiao, I guess, for setting up two? separate?? bases???
like on the one hand, I guess if you are planning to uhhh attic-wife your leader, even as a 'ok so plan z, none of the Seduction™ works, it's misery time', you don't want that set up in the base he is. living in.
(not that Di Feisheng actually spends a fuck of a lot of time in Jinyuan Alliance base 2: Saintess edition, given he gets out of the Jianghu ICU cave and immediately fucks off on a series of insane mid-life crisis errands, then gets amnesia'd and fucks off again with the same mid-life crisis errands But More)
and also, if you are going to set up a creepy sex dungeon trap house with Extra Torture Basement™ to attic wife said boss in, you might as well commit to the bit (which she clearly did per @bbcphile's excellent and also very upsetting meta, the dragging the bed out for display is Incredibly Distressing)
but on the other hand, like, damn girl, I know the real estate market in Xi is apparently great if you're buying cursed manors at least, but also, what the hell, you already have a base you don't need a second base, possibly you could just do a quick reno on that shit given you have literally weeks and Xi's builders apparently work at the speed of light anyway.
#mysterious lotus casebook#Jiao Liqiao#waters words#look it has to be!! two separate bases!!#jinyuan 2: on the ocean! there's a big impressive pan over THE OCEAN COURTYARD#saintess's terrible no good very bad couples get away: on a mountain! there's a number of plot beats about how it's ON A MOUNTAIN!!!#also for real. I know it is plot convenience etc#but how fucking fast do the building and craftsmen of xi work#like. I know the main examples I'm coming up with right now are both from tianji hall#which is basically Jianghu IBM or whatever#but still. insane. their overtime bill must be batshit#(also i swear I do have thoughts about this show that aren't just shitposting about logistics. I do.#they're just more complicated to put in words and I am so so so stupid rn.)#(also I keep thinking of it as the JICU [jianghu intensive cave unit] so like. sorry for when I inevitably call it that without explanation
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The election is so close I actually feel physically sick whenever I think about it, and sicker when I think about how much momentum the campaign had when Harris first took over and announced Walz as VP. It’s truly astounding for the party to have seemed actually progressive and hopeful and had personality and cared about engaging young voters for the first time in a decade and, in such a critical election, to slowly walk that back to the old enthusiasm-less center right "nothing will change" moderate-ness we had before, to the point where all the momentum just fell off a cliff and now we might lose all our fucking rights and be destined for fascism in, like, a week.
#when Biden was campaigning Trump felt inevitable#and he unfortunately - to me - feels inevitable again#like man we’re gonna try but I am just in a group project where half the group was pushed to total apathy and won’t do anything#and as much as I disagree with that and am voting and would vote for any democrat to avoid Trump#that is not how most young democrats / liberals / progressives / etc in this country are feeling#anyways I’m not arguing with people about this I’m just posting my feelings
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the fascinating thing about the maze runner books vs the movies is that they're both tragedies, but just...different kinds. in the books no matter what wicked did, they never got close to a cure. it was all for nothing: all the torture, all the death, all the money and effort spent trying to cure something that was just unstoppable. the world burned while a few hundred immunes survived, and there was no other way the story could have gone.
but in the movies they were so close. thomas was the cure. they had it in their hands and could have saved everyone, but they were just too late. wicked was destroyed, the last city fell, and with it the world's last hope for a cure. they almost got the cure in time. they almost made it in time to save newt. they almost won.
#tragedy where it was all inevitable vs tragedy where victory was within reach but it was just too late for everyone. fight.#anyway i am insane about this tonight. good day#just watched the death cure deleted scenes for the first time and man......................................................................#the way all the complexity to gally's character was practically left out of that movie. what if i explode.#also the way everyone hates teresa for LITERALLY no reason like girl........god forbid morally gray women do anything.#honestly while we're talking. thomas is morally gray too.#he's choosing himself + his friends over the entire world. while teresa is sacrificing her friends to save the world.#two sides of the same morally gray coin etc etc. i will defend teresa until the day i die btw.#not idly do i choose my blog title.#but anyway it's just insane to me how much moral complexity and nuance there is in these books/movies#and how much of it was left OUT of the movies too. litcherally insane.#oooough.....role reversal au..................#tmr mutuals here's some food. i havent maze runner posted in ages but the brainworms are coming back#winter speaks#the maze runner
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not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go
(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)
#today's gone Badly and i'm upset but instead of venting abt it i'm gonna channel that energy into doing a bit of tag rambling abt Boothill#well. less abt Him and more abt uh. self-analyzing my anxiety surrounding contributing to fandoms. he's just today's catalyst#like. i know it's mostly a me thing. i'm hypersensitive to criticism and very conflict avoidant + socially anxious + perfectionistic etc.#so I'm the one that keeps myself from posting more stuff out of fear of being criticized or called-out for what i've made#bc inevitably Someone's gonna see it and think its OOC or a problematic take or they'll misread my intent. etc etc what have you#but like. that's inevitable. there's no way to communicate every single thing with all of the nuance required to avoid misunderstandings#and other times it's not a misunderstanding it's just a difference of opinions and that's Fine!! there's no accounting for personal taste#there's no accounting for several things actually. taste‚ bias‚ lore-knowledge‚ differing levels of chronic-online-ness‚ etc#so this isn't me complaining abt the state of fandom culture (although i do think. sometimes. ppl take shit a bit too seriously)#but anyways all of this is mostly just anxiety-fueled. it's not like i very often actually even receive negative feedback or anything#if anything ppl tend to tell me that i'm overthinking it and killing my own fun and worried that my stuff is more OOC than it is#which like. yeah. Yeah u right :) but that's just the way that i am! always losing the idgaf war i suppose#anyways what's Boothill got to do w this ur wondering. well. i've been thinking abt the quickly emerging concept that he's illiterate.#and it just. has me feeling a lot of ways. and watching ppl disagree over it has me feeling some Bad ways. bc it's def a loaded topic!#if you'll pardon the pun there. and i don't rlly have anything new to add other than that i'm conflicted abt it.#like yeah i saw the leaks days ago. of him mentioning 'not hitting the books' much as a child when we ask him why he sends voice messages#or voice Transcriptions ig. ykwim. and like. *braces for impact* ...i liked it? like. it doesn't feel right to call it endearing#i'm not trying to infantilize him. ok that's not the right word either but ugh. you know? what i mean?? who am i kidding even i don't know#it's not quite right to say that it feels like Representation either. but it's something close i guess#as a southern person myself who didn't receive a 'complete' education due to factors that weren't to do with my intelligence#the concept of seeing him as a capable force to be reckoned with and respected who also happens to have not received much formal education#i like that. i do. but there's so many issues w it at the same time. like. as i said‚ being southern myself has me Wary of the way Hoyo is-#writing him. as well as of the way that the fandom is taking the bits of his lore and running away w them. and i'm Very aware of how ppl-#will see a southern character and be All Too Eager to agree that they're lacking intelligence based on our Redneck™ stereotype#sigh. and before we even go too far with this. it's not even confirmed that hes completely illiterate. which is a valid criticism i've seen#there's Multiple reasons that could make him prefer voice to text. but regardless. i'm just worried that ppl will misconstrue my intentions#like. example: that edit i made the other day of him saying 'no thanks i can't read'. wasn't me playing into the stereotype of-#'haha dumb country boy can't read!' it was. in my eyes. something he'd say as a joke to make light of a potential insecurity#like. i think there's far more depth to Boothill's character if ppl could look past the surface. and i dont wanna contribute to the problem#but sometimes ppl Will have stereotypical traits and i wish the same could apply to characters as long as it's done Thoughtfully.
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WIP Wednesday!
Working on the fallout of Chapter Seven of Pieces has been super fun :))) we're now onto the first encounter since Power Word Kill.
#wip: pieces still stuck in your teeth#wip wednesday#the next act took me ages to outline but bits are all slotting into place and oh no! they all suck! (jk. i actually love this chapter a lot#very much: act 1 (came to me in a fever dream) act 2 (rotated in my brain for weeks getting worse and worse and worse)#also for anyone worried/concerned: all tags for Pieces are now all the tags that are relevant.#went as far as dubious consent bc it felt inevitable with VA Astarion but not interested in noncon etc.#more interested in problem solving than i am in actual violence :)))
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hhhh talking about my writing was fun but 30 tags is not enough.. yes i have 3 major influences but i have minor ones too.. it is a lovechild of my favorite things.. writing is so fun and i have no self control or a concept of pacing myself i will sit there for 16 hours and get hit with every status effect but by god does it all just flow out of me. I've always been a music person yes but i also used to write a lot into early adulthood until The Incident™
but i am ready 2 jump back into it. i think comics are a great middle ground between the two mediums so i don't get As into writing bc i kind of started going crazy last time 🫡 i can take a more structured approach to it that forces me to pace myself and think about it differently. i love art.... i love making things i love knowing how to do things i love knowing how to play things i love having so many creative outlets, even if i don't do a lot of them regularly lol. it is enriching 😳 and nice to know that it's always there to come back to when u want.
#if u want the tea my imagination at the time was like i could space out and straight up just be another person POV doing every little#thing as if i were them for hours and the experience would come together without having to even think about it.#different times/places/contexts/conversations etc. forced 2 to to my mom's lil cult meetings for 2 hours twice a week#i would opt to do these imagination exercises instead to rly put myself in a character's perspective. every step‚ stumble‚#riding in a carriage together for the entirety from point A to B etc. WELL i was working on a horror anthology somewhere 18/19#(that had a small local following 🫶🏾) and it its concept was like the Twilight zone but a lot darker. it was called interdimensional#and the main recurring character never actually shows up in the story. they r an omnipresent god of death who exists everywhere but#exists outside of our realm‚ and it picks random people to reveal itself to as a symbol. it can be apparent or just in passing that#the entry's MC sees it in‚ it will appear on something somewhere and once it's brought up it's a cue to the reader that this person#has just been sent to an alternate reality that leads towards their inevitable death. for the character nothing ever changes immediately#but the different starts to creep its way in‚ as does death's approach at its crescendo but the path's i took to get there were 😨#and after enough entries i started to see the symbol irl and hallucinate some other stuff from my stories and it really scared me#and made me stop 🫡 but i think in retrospect i just went too hard on the imagination exercises and wished i tried cultivating it instead#give myself time to settle and get in control.. but alas‚ she has not written seriously since. to this day it still flows out of me if#i just sit down to do it‚ but i don't think I'm at risk of something like that happening again anymore :3 so yeah ♡ i am learning how to#draw and trying not 2 force it bc i want it to b fun as a little journey for me and i look forward to the day i can come back to actively#writing again too 🫶🏾 i miss it but i also want to b able to draw ૮₍ ˃ ⤙ ˂ ₎ა#learn the hard thing first then do the stuff that comes naturally.... i also want to get back into music sometime but clearly i got a lot of#other stuff to work on 💀 i burnt myself out on it learning too many things and not having enough fun with it anymore‚#but i have a better healthier with art these days and i know it'll be great to come back to when I'm ready 😌💕#i have been considering getting an acoustic or bass guitar tho 🧐 the beauty of physical instruments.. they're just there ready 2 go..#I've been doing mostly digital the past few years‚ when i was making music. it was also rly hard to when i was w my ex ૮ – ﻌ–ა#that's a whole other rant lol. but ugh digital is like u gotta set it up u gotta make space and then u gotta be in one spot the whole time#i just wanna lay in bed and vibe or something yfm.. walk around maybe idk. do something less structured.#maybe.. hm. hmmm 🧐#I'm going to guitar center lol c ya ✌🏾 getting a bass and amp and maybe a guitar too depending on the price
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if you imagine that guy from saw and he's sawing his own leg off in the bathroom but it's just like, a normal bathroom and he's not chained to the wall or anything and he really didn't have to saw off his leg at all but he imagined a situation in which he would have to do that so he decided to get it over with as soon as possible. well that's how i approach all my interpersonal relationships
#text#i decided in my brain that my best friend hates me (she made a comment that hurt my feelings today and then a different comment#several weeks ago so basically shes sick of me and she hates me and wants me to die etc)#so now i am trying to dig my brain out of panic-mode trying to restructure my future around her inevitably getting tired of me#(& also trying not to upset or inconvenience her or anyone in any way in case this is the last straw and they Realize I'm A Bad Person)#and then also all my other friends will leave as well cuz they'll be like Wow if she didnt want to be around him anymore shes probably got#a good reason... and then everyone leaves me and i die. and yes i do this every time one of my friends accidentally hurts my feelings#you know when u accidentally step on ur pet's tail and u imagine a world where they hate u forever. yeah#it's like that except for someone steps on MY tail and i decide they hate me forever because my tail was in the way of their foot#does this make sense. Feel free to diagnose me in the comments#neg
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has a character ever been so Not Gotten
#i am once again asking to not see vile and wrong aziraphale takes on my dash#that actually do a disservice to crowley too#ironically#if you don't get one you don't really get the other#i daresay#ppl who pile on az in “favor of” crowley inevitably end up mischaracterizing their own blorbo#evil bears within itself etc etc#they are a bluorbic duo#and they are bith assholes i cannot stress enough how they are both (!) utter DICKS and that is GREAT#that is who they ARE#i need you to understand this
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A very interesting cloud formation!
#I don't think I had ever really seen clouds like this before? it looks like a cool painting or something :0#Pulling just a few images from my cloud and sky photos folder which has like 650 pictures in it becvause I'm obsessed with the sky lol#I will usually spare everyone the cloudposting but... in some exceptions when it's really cool I must Share#(upcoming covid mention in tags for those avoiding the topic)#I WANT TO BE ON AN AIRPLANE SO SO BAD I am going to start casting evil spells to explode all these 'back to normal' bastards who are out#spreading virus and shit HHHHHH... Covid is NOT over actually contrary to popular beielf especially for people with health conditions#that make them more vulnerable or would have worse consequences if they were to catch it etc. etc. wearing a mask in public is#in MOSt cases not THAt much of a horrific terrible evil inconvenience and it helps keep everyone around you safer including these#vulnerable populations!!!! Even if I didn't have any problems myself I would STILL be masking because it's a small gesture that can make a#big difference in people around me being comfortable. It's not like people with health issues just never have to go out or go to the stor#or whatever. There are still people out there who could be helped by extra precautions that are being overlooked. grrrrr...#Like at this point since I'm vaccinated and everything I would MAYBE consider flying on an airplane IF everyone else around me#was masking and being just as careful as me. But at this point it's just the wild west and I would literally be the only one who gives#a shit or who gets tested freqeuntly before after and during traveling and wears the proper type of mask well fitting and not half off my f#ce and blah blah blah. And precautions work best when EVEYRONE is participating. There's only so much you can protext yourself if everyone#around you is doing nothing. So.. alas.. I still do not feel safe traveling. And probably won't for years until more progress is made in#terms of like understanding and treating certain long covid issues and etc. Since I think it's inevitable that if I start going out again#I would get covid. Me and my household bubble are some of the only people I know who haven't had it yet (or at least not knowingly so - if#so it was one of the asymptomatic cases etc.). So if I was GOING to get it anyway I'd at least like the assurance that whatever long term#issues I inevtabley suffer because of it will be more easily treatable at that point instead of entirely disabling even further than I'm#already disabled. etc. AAANYWAY!! all that to say. I JSUT REALLY WANT TO be on an airplane!!! I dont even like traveling and going places I#hate vacations and would rather be at home working on my projects I'm fixated on lol HOWEVER I love the view from airplane windows#like the very few times in my life Ive actually been on a plane and the window is so COLD when you lay your forehead on it and sometimes yo#even see little ice crystals and it's like you're just in a landscape of clouds with a sea of clouds above and below and aaaAAAAAA#Literally I want to get on a plane just to go up in the air and then land and fly back. I don't even want to go on a real trip. I just NEED#to see the sky I need to be IN the sky I need to have that VIEW and the cold and everything!!!! gRGGHGgg... And I will do that the entire#time. I think my longest plane ride was 7 hours and I do not watch movies. I dont text or play games. I literally do nothing to entertain#myself except stare straight out the window for 7 hours (with a few eating and bathroom breaks). not even joking lmao. It's like a trance#I LOVE the sky and clouds so much and the view you get from an airplane is like incomparable!! also I love airports with the big windows an#people watching. but mostly I just long for the sky view again. GRRR.. sobbing and yearning >:T
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we need to be talking more about Ball Machines
#you know the ones#like in the Philadelphia airport#it’s all the balls going through paths and little elevators and catapults etc#sometimes with drums or cymbals so there’s a percussion#like it’s the labyrinth it’s ouroboros it’s fate#I am the ball I am the machine#I am the child pressed against the glass watching it#wondering about the one ball in the corner that fell off of its path#the inevitable inescapable path#everyone chasing and being chased
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Chapters: 12/? Fandom: The Sandman (TV 2022) Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Dream of the Endless | Morpheus/Hob Gadling, Dream of the Endless/Hob Gadling Characters: Dream of the Endless | Morpheus, Dream of the Endless, Hob Gadling, Roderick Burgess, Lucien | Lucienne (The Sandman), Jessamy the Raven, Ruthven Sykes Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Hob Gadling Saves Dream of the Endless | Morpheus from Roderick Burgess, The Inevitable Rescue Fic, Dream of the Endless | Morpheus Loves Hob Gadling, Hob Gadling Loves Dream of the Endless | Morpheus, BAMF Hob Gadling, Explicit Sexual Content, Rough Sex, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Non-Linear Narrative, Flashbacks, Murder Husbands, Secret Marriage, Dream of the Endless | Morpheus is Bad at Feelings, Mutual Pining, The Love Is Requited They're Just Idiots
#the sandman#the sandman ff#dreamling#dreamling ff#dreamhob#of my misery make thy use#the inevitable rescue fic#SURPRISE i finished a chapter not on a weekend!#may have uh snuck some writing time during work hours but shhh#also i am miserably behind on comment replies on AO3 and have pretty much given up at this point#but please know that i love you and you delight me etc#anyway enjoy#ahem
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oh, great! I cleaned out all my fountain pens before we moved, and then chose just a few to take with me. plus ink, obviously.
except someone took the damn ink out of the bag I had put it in. sooo it's probably in the storage unit now and I won't see it again until April 🙃
#no I know this is fine and not a problem etc etc#BUT#I need to write shit down 😭 I'm feeling baaad and that means it's time to write in my diary and I CAN'T because none of my pens HAVE#ANY INK IN THEM!!#even my bullet journal fountain pen is allllmost out of ink! and I didn't bring any gel pens because why would I???#oooh I am mad rn.#the local stationery shop closed last year soo. I will have to order ink online if I can't find mine. 🙃#yes I know I could use a fucking ballpoint pen or something like a caveman (sorry) but everything but fountain pens hurts my wrist 😭#this is a 'need to write 20 pages that will inevitably turn into 'oh I am so sad because I cannot touch this fictional man' very quickly and#nothing else will help' situation 😭😭😭😭#sooo I will now start figuring out which ink I am going to buy. maybe I'll manage to just get one. hahahaha that was a good joke :')#personal#oh my GOD I just realised I didn't even pack any syringes OR CONVERTERS OR EMPTY CARTRIDGES EITHER#fuck this I just ruined my whole damn day
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