#i am in a little puddle sobbing happily excuse me

[myreia]

Too many times have their lives circled each other, always present, but never in sync. Too many times have they come close to falling for one another, only to be thrown off course. This the ironic history of their relationship: to be tied together by an unconditional bond, but never allowed to go further than that. And here they are at last—finally, finally, finally—nearly a decade of friendship and love crashing together into a single moment. The puzzle of their lives has sat bare and incomplete on the board for years, waiting for this final, precious piece to slide into place. (x)

Thank you so much to @exotic-inquiry for this gorgeous commission of Aureia and Thancred. ✨🖤

[katpapple]

A Test of Courage

A Test of Courage

A Banri x Kat fanfic

This is a self ship fic, uwa. Hope you like it! qwq

Focus was drawn to the tv screen as the competition occupies his attention. Well, most of it anyway. Banri’s brow furrowed, his eyes narrowing with a frustrated growl. Itaru on the other hand had a completely stone faced expression, magenta irises honed in on the fight as he won the match once again. The younger man let out a sigh of defeat, rubbing his temples in small circles.

“Dammit…” He muttered. Banri’s skills were rusted. Though they shouldn’t have been; he practiced fighting the character Itaru was good at with her, after all. What was causing him to feel so distracted? His mind was drifting all over the place to so many different thoughts, but it always went back to those smoky blue eyes - that rosy cheeked smile - and those wavy blond locks. The image left a lasting imprint, one that was shaking him to the core. 

“Wow, your game was off today,” Of course Itaru noticed. “Alright, spill it. What’s going on?” And go figure he would want to know what’s on Banri's mind. This made the Autumn Troupe leader groan as he was trying to find good wording.

“It’s nothin’. Must be an off day for me.” Yeah, no kidding. He was just reiterating Itaru’s point. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk, it’s just that the words were escaping him. He didn’t wanna sound like a fool that wasn’t making any sense. Though right now, it felt like nothing was making sense to him. Why did he feel this way again?

“You like Kat a lot, don’t you?”

“Huh?” The brunette took a glance at the man sitting next to him.

“I think it’s pretty obvious at this point that you like her in a romantic sense. Your expressions seem so much more soft and doting around her. Plus, Kazunari said you two eat lunch together more often at class now.”

Shit. Banri’s cover was blown. Light brown strands were slicked back through his fingers as he tried not to keel over from the blatantly humiliating callout from Itaru. Now he remembered why he was so off today. It was Kat; She was all Banri could think about right now. He thought about playing it cool, feigning ignorance, but that wouldn't work. Not when Itaru knew him well enough to pick up on his mood just from his performance when gaming. A disgruntled sigh left slightly chapped lips, and Banri rested his chin in the palm of his hand.

"I don't know what it is about her, but-" He paused. "Whenever I'm near her lately, I kinda freeze up and I can feel my face getting warmer." Honestly, it pissed him off a little. He thought he sounded so stupid; getting this flustered around a girl he'd known for about a year now made him feel like some sort of protagonist from a romance anime. Even now, he felt his face rise in temperature, and he could deduce that his cheeks were definitely flushed. God, he felt so hopeless.

"Wow." A reaction that caught the young man off guard.

"The hell do you mean by that?" The question caused Itaru to chuckle, a smile decorating his face with mischief.

"Sounds to me like your life's not in super ultra easy mode anymore, am I right?"

The worst part was that Banri couldn't disagree.

"Ha ha, very funny Itaru," He replied in a mocking tone. "Though, I ain't gonna say that you're wrong. Cuz you're not."

"Well, if I'm not wrong, what's stopping you? Are you scared of rejection?"

"Ha! Scared of rejection? I'm Banri goddamn Settsu," He said that with a smile that so painfully indicated he was scared. "I can bet if I confessed to her right now, she'd be-"

"Banri, I know you're lying." That sentence… Why did it cut so deep? It shouldn't. It was true, of course, but the fact he wasn't able to get away with it made him feel like a deer in the headlights. An anxious pang in his chest only grew as Itaru continued.

"Just like always, you're afraid of losing. Typical Banri mannerisms for you, I guess." 

"A'ight, ya don't have to rub it in, bastard…" Both men let out soft laughter. Though Banri's was born out of fear. It pulsed in his heart, every scenario in his head playing out with the worst possible outcome. These feelings of longing- of teenage anxiety- of a racing heartbeat and lovesick laughter- all of it was so foreign. So exciting. Yet all the same, incredibly terrifying.

"It's just… she's such a cool person, y'feel me?" Banri started. "I mean, she's smart, she's kind, and so freaking talented on stage. And whenever I see her smile and gush over something she loves, her face lights up and it's just so fuckin' cute." At that moment, he snickered, looking at Itaru eye to eye for the first time in that conversation. "And, shit, don't get me started on how her occasional moments where she gets a bit flighty and airheaded make me so damn happy. Like, she can be so mature and caring, but also a bit of a klutz who doesn't always think things through, but also super passionate and energetic, just-"

"Your perfect girl, right?" Banri nodded in agreement with Itaru's statement. In all senses, to Banri, Kat was perfect. Even with all the little flaws and quirks, like her occasional bursts of temper, the way her face flushed tomato red when embarrassed, it was all lovely to him. The two of them got along so well, but he remembered that it’d be likely she’d just like to be friends. 

“I wanna tell her. I want her to know how much she makes me smile, man. I want her to know how god damn beautiful she is. But I don’t wanna make things awkward between us either, y’know?” This elicited a tired look from Itaru.

“Dude, it’s gonna be awkward within the first stages of dating anyhow. Better to tell her and at least get your feelings out and face rejection rather than keep going down this back and forth with yourself.”

“Well how the hell am I supposed to do that?!” The blonde shrugged.

“Meh, I dunno. Never dated anyone so I’m useless in that department.” That just turned Banri’s frustration into desperation.

“At least give me something, dude!” An eye roll from Itaru.

“Look, the best advice I can give is ask to talk to her and see where things go from there. Tell her how you feel about her. Y’know, regular confession stuff.”

“Guess that’s a start…” That unfortunately didn’t do much to settle the nerves from the realization that- oh no- he had to confess to the woman he’s slowly grown to pine for this past year and a half. This wasn’t going to be easy, he knew that for sure.

The next morning makes itself known to Banri from the sun’s rays tickling his face, and the absence of Juza’s snoring. It was the weekend, so he didn’t really have anything to do. Accept… he DID have something to do. Something he desperately didn’t want to do, but wanted to do at the exact same time. He could smell breakfast from his room. Pancakes and bacon. It distracted him from the nervous sensation in his stomach.

After a quick shower, he walks down the stairs, sleep still leaving him in a daze as he reaches the dining room. Pretty much everyone was here, save for Itaru and Masumi who were sleeping in. Kat was on the couch, sketchbook in her hands as she waited for Omi to finish breakfast. She looked up from the paper in Banri’s direction, and gave him a soft smile that melts him into a puddle of happiness.

“Morning, BanBan.” BanBan. A nickname she gave him that she used for some lighthearted fun. It caught him off guard, and he thought it was silly, but after a while, he really grew to love it. It was a nice little term of endearment to the both of them. Though mainly, she was too cute to say no to. Her laughter whenever she used it was enough to get him to laugh along from how infectious it was. Banri sat next to his fellow classmate, and gave a half smile in return.

“Mornin’ Kat. Good to see your face. Always brightens my mood.” A light giggle and a faint hint of blush on those already rosy red cheeks caught Banri’s attention. 

“Aww, look at you being all sweet and charming today. Who are you, and what have you done with Banri?”

“Pfft, wow, rude.” The two of them laughed quietly so as to not disturb everyone else. Lord knows Sakyo would be up their asses for it later if they were too loud. “For the record, I’m nice and charming all the time. I’m Banri Settsu after all.” That got Kat to snort.

“Oh my god, that’s so corny, I love it.” Banri chuckled at that. 

“Yeah, it was, my bad.” Then the fear returned. He could hear his heart beating like a hammer, and his hands quivered ever so slightly. “Hey uh… after breakfast, could I tell you somethin’ at the park?” Kat raised her brows inquisitively.

“Huh? Oh, sure!” On cue, Omi called everyone to the dining room. Breakfast was ready. Kat set down her drawing supplies, and made her way to the table, Banri following suit behind her. Today’s breakfast was simple, pancakes, bacon and hard boiled eggs. Kat smiled happily; they were some of her favorite things to eat for breakfast.  Banri sat across from her, the both of them eating in silence aside from occasionally joining in for small talk with others at the table. Though Banri had a hard time eating at all. The anxiety from what he would have to do later made his appetite seem smaller today. He excused himself after only finishing about half his plate, which surprised everyone at the table. He gave a quick tap to the young woman’s shoulder. 

“Just meet me there, ok?” A nod accompanied by a hum of confirmation from Kat was Banri’s cue to leave. His shoulders tensed up as he left, putting on his shoes before starting a jog to the park. The whole time he ran, he could feel his resolve waver more than it already was. ‘What if it isn’t worth it? What if she’ll feel uncomfortable?’

‘What if we’ll never be the same after this?’

It scared him so bad. And it manifested into tears threatening to spill and pour down his cheeks. His mouth felt dry, his breath laboured as he sprinted frantically to the park, stopping in his tracks at the park’s fountain before it all broke loose. Choked sobs left him as he tried to catch his breath. His lip quivered as tears rolled down his cheeks. Banri tried to collect himself, wiping his eyes and nose, and steadying his shaky breath. This break in confidence made him feel so stupid. He felt ashamed for being so afraid. He felt even more stupid because he knew Kat would ask what’s wrong. He didn’t want her to worry. He wasn’t used to it. His parents never paid much attention; he was perfect at everything. Right now though, he was far from that supposed perfect man he was. He was vulnerable; he was second guessing himself. If Kat saw him like this - all clumsy and anxious over a confession - what would she think of him? 

“Banri?” That voice made his heart sink. He felt like he was in such deep shit right now. His blood ran cold, but his face was red from crying.

“Banri, are okay? Oh god, were you crying?” Her worried tone made Banri feel so secure, but it was so odd to him. The young man wanted to brush it off, say it was nothing, but that was a lie he knew she’d see through. ‘Fuck it,’ He thought. ‘Might as well follow through on what you told yourself you were gonna do Banri.’

“Yeah, uh… I was.”

“What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

“Nah, nah. Well, I mean- I guess? I just- I dunno, I kinda got something on my mind and it’s really stressin’ me out.” A hand came to Banri’s back; a reassuring touch to let him know he was ok. 

“Do you wanna talk about it? I’m always here for you, BanBan.” That smile that followed her words felt so warm and welcoming. And the way she said ‘BanBan’ was so different from any other time she said it. In most instances, it was used to joke around with him when they were messing around being idiots together. Here, it was affectionate, and born of concern for her friend’s well being. Somewhere in his heart, Banri felt it wasn’t ok to be open with her despite her reassuring he could tell her. But right now, he didn’t care about his worries. His brain was silently screaming at him right now to get it out, to just go for it even if you two just stay friends. That was ok with him. It may be a bit awkward for a while if she doesn’t reciprocate, but that wouldn’t change how much he liked spending time with her as a friend to begin with. Worries be damned, he supposed it was at least worth a shot.

“Yeah, thanks.” Deep breaths. In and out. “So, I’ve kinda debated back and forth since the last week or so whether or not I should tell you this, cuz I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. But I wanted to tell you how I feel about you, cuz I have a lot on my mind about a lot of stuff. Ever since we started hanging out over the past year, I’ve kinda started to feel really anxious around you. My heart races, my face gets all red and shit, and I start losing my words.  I really don’t wanna beat around the bush with this but I- I really like you. Like, romantically.”

Silence. It hung over for about a couple seconds, but to Banri it felt like a fucking eternity. At this point one could drop a pin and it would be heard that was how silent it was at that moment. But shock filled the young man’s sapphire eyes when Kat took his hand and held it. She cast a little glance, before looking away with a timid smile. She looked like a blushing bride. Banri didn’t know what to do he was so nauseous from the anxiety, but somehow, gently reciprocating the touch felt so natural and normal. Their eyes finally met, and Kat had a really goofy smile. It was lopsided, and one could tell she was happy but also really nervous. Her face was red, which was unsurprising given she’d get like that when she’d be caught singing by the other company members.

“Y’know, I uh… I’ve kinda wanted to tell you the exact same thing so I’m like, really happy right now.”

“Wait, really?” Kat nodded fervently.

“Yes! Y-Yes I- God, I’ve felt so scared too cuz I really didn’t wanna make things awkward between us if you didn’t feel the same way, But you’re just really fun to be around, you’re really handsome, and I love watching you act cuz you try super hard, and it makes me wanna try just as hard too! A-And I really wanna make you as happy as you make me, so… um…! Yeah, I-I really like you, like, a whole lot!”

Banri’s eyes widened in awe. Was this real? Was this a dream? He wasn’t sure, but a big smile spread across his face, and he started to laugh in relief.

“Holy shit, can I hug you please?” She nodded, and Banri hugged her so tight. He felt so happy. It may have been silly of him to cry tears of joy, but nonetheless he did. Just when he thought the tears had dried up, the euphoria made all the emotions rise up to the surface again. He pulled back to look at Kat, and she was crying too. Looks like she was just as scared as well. It made him feel a little better about everything. Banri tenderly brushed his thumb across her cheek, wiping away her tears.

“God, I knew you were adorable, but do you have to have such a cute smile?”

“What can I say? I guess I’m like your little ball of sunshine.”

“You’re damn right about that,” Banri placed a featherlight peck on the cheek. “I love you so much, Kat.”

“Love you too, Banri.”

Those words made him happy. So, so happy. Right now, time stood still. He wanted to stay like this. To stay close, in a warm embrace, pressing gentle, nervous kisses to each other’s lips. And right now, in this little moment, they would stay like this for at least half an hour. Banri vowed to himself, as they both stayed comfortable in that blanket of love, that he would make her so damn happy. Lucky for him, he was already well on his way.

[adrenaline-roulette]

Absolute Beginners

Chapter one: Breaking a few egg heads

Years after running the Labyrinth, and rescuing her baby brother. Sarah finds herself forming an unlikely friendship with the Goblin King himself.

Sarah Williams was well and truly done with life. Not in a, ‘Oh what a cruel, harsh world!’ sort of way, but more of a ‘If Jareth shows up in my home one more time uninvited, then I may be forced to commit a crime’ sort of way. Don’t get me wrong, the company Jareth provides is rather excellent, a pleasant change from the goblins who she constantly found ransacking her kitchen cabinets and fridge, and he certainly made for intelligent conversation while her university friends were away during the semester break. The only issue with the King of the goblins continuously showing up unannounced, was the sheer amount of glitter that he left behind during each visit. Now Sarah likes glitter just as much as the next girl, but trying to vacuum it out from her carpet, and washing it from her hair was a nightmare! So much so, she now found herself simply leaving the apartment as it was, covered in glitter. Though she had to admit, that in the right lighting (Usually around 5:13 pm) the rooms took on an almost magical look, what with all the glitter…. And dream catchers, and wind chimes.

 With a groan, Sarah shouldered her front door open, dropping the heavy grocery bag onto the tiled entrance way, a sickening crack filling the empty apartment. “Shit.” She muttered, looking down at the fabric bag, which was slowly becoming wet at the base, “There go the eggs…” She kicked off her shoes, and frowned down at the bag, knowing full well that it wouldn’t clean itself up, though she damn well hoped that maybe, just maybe if she scowled at it long enough, it would. A familiar gust of wind caught her attention, though not enough to cause her to look up, she knew exactly what it meant, and the sound of the patio doors bursting open only confirmed her suspicion.

“My dear Sarah, I’ve brought you a gift!” called the clipped English accent of the one and only goblin king. Sarah remained staring at the ever-growing pool of shattered egg, that was slowly creeping closer to her sock clad feet. “Hi Jareth.” She smirked, looking up at the ever-glittering king who now stood in the apartment entrance with her. “Any chance you could, you know.” She motioned her hands in what she called, her best magic impression, which was more or less a vertical rendition of jazz hands. Jareth rolled his mismatched eyes, muttering under his breath about not having to wave his hands to perform magic, instead he used crystal balls. With a flourish of his black leather gloved hands, one of said crystals appeared between his fingertips, he twirled it there a moment, watching as Sarah grew impatient, her eyes following the egg yolks as they neared her big toe. With a small chuckle, he lunged the crystal at the mess on the floor, the puddle and shattered egg shells all disappearing in a grand display of glitter. Sarah glanced down at where the murder of twelve innocent individuals had just occurred, nothing was left at the scene of the crime, no one would ever know what had happened.  Her eyes travelled up to Jareth’s, a smile playing on her lips. “Remember that chat we had the other day?”

“You mean the one where we discussed whether pork was really a type of vegetable?”

“No, not that o- Wait, when did we have THAT conversation?!”

“Perhaps that was with my advisor Garret, not matter, please continue.”

Sarah shook her head in wonderment, the things that man said were a mystery sometimes. “I meant, the chat we had about you coming to the door like a normal person. I don’t care if you glitter poof outside of my home, just not inside, it takes too long to clean up afterwards.” Sarah watched as Jareth visibly scowled at the use of the word ‘poof’.

“Sarah, precious, I do not poof anywhere. I appear, there is a difference. And besides, I simply had to arrive as suddenly as I did, as I announced when I arrived, I have a gift for you.”

Sarah manoeuvred herself around Jareth, having collected her grocery bags once again, in order to deposit them on her kitchen counter.  As she made her way around her kitchen, she found herself trying to recall how this had all started. The whole, Jareth appearing in her apartment and presenting her with gifts.

The 25th of March seemed to spring to mind when thinking about the beginning of this all. It was three years after Sarah had run the labyrinth to reclaim her baby brother Toby from the Goblin King. She had been out with her friends at a house party, where everything was served in a red solo cup, and no one really knew what they were drinking, but it was obvious that whatever it was, it contained copious amounts of alcohol. By the time Sarah had stumbled home, it was past 3 am, and even in her drunken state, she knew to be grateful for her father, Karen and Toby being away for the weekend. She made her way upstairs, after finally managing to unlock the front door, she could’ve sworn she felt small goblin sized hands helping her steady her own shaking hands, to open the door, but they seemed to disappear just as soon as they had appeared. Her typical evening routine was abandoned that night, instead she opted for stripping her rather revealing dress off, and throwing on a pair of sleep shorts and shirt, she could take her makeup off in the morning… Or afternoon, depending on what time she managed to drag herself out of bed. She sat on the edge of her bed for what felt like hours, but was in fact no longer than twenty minutes, her eyes focused on the mirror of her old vanity table, contemplating whether she should call on her old friends again. Ludo, Sir Didymus and Hoggle had always been happy to talk with her, but perhaps not at such an ungodly hour. She shook her head, and sighed. “Goblin King, Jareth, I need you..” She whispered, as tears slipped from her eyes. After such a great night, the last thing Sarah expected herself to be doing was crying, especially over something that had occurred over three years ago!

“Sarah, have you called to wish away another child….” The sneer in His voice fell short as Jareth peered down at the young woman sobbing on her bed. This certainly wasn’t how he had imagined their next meeting, especially not with Sarah looking as she did now, the makeup running down her face was not an appealing look.  “I… I’m so sorry Jareth!” Sarah cried out, her wide green eyes seeking out his own, there was such vulnerability there, one he had not seen during her run of his labyrinth. “Sorry for what Sarah?” He smirked slightly at the way she shuddered lightly at the sound of her name from his lips, perhaps there was hope for him yet? His mind danced away from the scene playing out in front of him, paying only a small amount of attention to the blubbering Sarah, explaining why she was sorry. In his mind, Jareth Saw himself and Sarah dancing, which seemed like such a novel idea, especially seeing as there were far more things that were less polite that he would like to picture himself doing with Sarah. Though something caught his eye about their dancing, at first it had seemed like any other ball Jareth would host, or attend in the underground, but this was different. Not different in the layout, or the guests who smiled politely as the couple danced past, but in what Sarah was wearing. It would have meant nothing if the shade of her dress was slightly darker or light, but no, this particular shade of red could mean only one thing. The image playing out in his mind was of their wedding day, more specifically their first dance, and if Jareth had it his way, one day it would no longer be a dream, but instead a reality.

He suddenly found himself jolted out of his dream, by the sound of Sarah blowing her nose, it looked as if she were finally getting to the point of all of this crying. With a deep breath, she launched into a grand speech. “Jareth, I forgive you. All you did was what I asked for. You took Toby to your castle because I wished for you to do so. For years I tried to convince myself that you took him under different circumstances, but I can’t lie to myself any more. Everything I asked for, you did. If anything, I should be thanking you, not hating you!”

Now this took Jareth by surprise, and very little did these days. After living for over a thousand years, it was hard to find anything truly shocking, but this was certainly unexpected. It was as if his brain had stopped working, he couldn’t think of any witty response to Sarah’s sudden change of heart, come to think of it, he couldn’t think of anything to say at all! So instead, he opted for standing in front of the mirror he had appeared through, his mouth agape and nodding along, like some sort of stunned fish. A very regal looking fish, with fabulous hair, but a fish none the less. With one final half smile from Sarah, she fell to her side, head resting against the pillow, and slept.

“That was…. Unexpected.”  Jareth murmured, raising an eyebrow down at the sleeping woman. He did not envy her of the headache she would undoubtedly have in the morning, he only hoped she would remember what she had revealed to him. Leaning down, he pressed his lips against her temple, chuckling softly had she hummed happily in her sleep. “Take care Precious.” He whispered, before vanishing through the mirror, leaving the first of many clouds of glitter behind him.

 After that first night, Jareth found various reasons to visit Sarah, though he always made sure she had the house to herself before he appeared, knowing full well that she may have found it rather difficult to try and explain the dashingly handsome King in her bedroom. Or as she put it, ‘If my father finds out there has been a man in my room, he will murder me.’  But Jareth much preferred his variation of the story.

As the years passed, Jareth found himself having fewer excuses to visit Sarah, especially after she moved out to her own apartment. There were only so many times he could simply pop over to reclaim one of his goblins, who he most definitely had not sent to her home himself. Besides, if he used that excuse too many times, he feared Sarah may think he was negligent of his care to the goblins… She was right of course, but he would never let her know that! So, instead of taking some time to think of decent excuses to visit her, he began appearing almost daily, with some of the worst reasons imaginable!

“Oh, hello Sarah, I’m so sorry to intrude, but I wanted to offer you this lovely feather duster to replace the one my goblins ran off with the other day. It is of course made of pure chicken feathers.”

“Sarah dear, I wonder if you have any of that mortal pain remedy. Paracetamol I believe it is called? The goblins have given me a terrible migraine.”

“Precious, I was just about to cook myself up a delicious omelette with these fresh eggs, would you care for one?”

“Sarah! I don’t know what to do! The goblins, they…  They’re trying to build a catapult! Do they know something that I don’t? Should I be preparing for war? Sarah help!”

“Are you any good with political negotiations? No, don’t ask questions, just give me a yes or no answer. “

    “Dear Lord, Sarah! The goblins, they’ve set the bloody hedge maze on fire. It turns out the catapult wasn’t for an upcoming war, no instead they’ve used it to fire burning barrels of ale at the labyrinth!” (This particular instance was followed by Sarah coming home from classes the next morning, to find Jareth seated in her patchwork armchair, elbows resting on his knees, with his chin planted firmly on his interlocked fingers. Without so much as a question asked, Sarah had made her way into the kitchen, leaving Jareth there for thirty minutes, before returning with two bowls of steaming hot pasta, and a glass of wine for each of them. After this occurrence, Sarah found herself no longer dreading Jareth’s impromptu visits, and instead she simply worked around them. Jareth also realised, that perhaps he no longer needed an excuse to visit her any more, and soon found himself inviting himself over whenever he pleased, just for a chat.)

 “Sarah? Is there any particular reason you are holding onto those biscuits with such force?” Jareth chuckled, as he smirked at the brunette beauty before him. She had been standing in the same position for the past five minutes, her only movements those of when she breathed, and blinked. She had that far off look in her eyes she often adopted when thinking of particularly fond memories, or dreaming of somewhere she would rather be. Jareth found himself hoping for her to be thinking of memories, and prayed she didn’t despise his presence enough to dream of herself elsewhere. She blinked her eyes slowly, before returning to the kitchen, where her body remained despite her brain being a million miles away. “I… Sorry, I was just thinking about what to do now that I have destroyed all of my eggs. I was supposed to be making a cake for work tomorrow.” She blushed, knowing full well that Jareth knew that was the last thing she had been thinking about. Even though he had no actual clue of what she had been remembering, it doesn’t take a scientist to know that no one spends that long thinking about eggs.

“Well dearest thing, isn’t it just an amazing coincidence that my gift for you, just so happened to be goblin city fresh eggs!” Jareth grinned at the exasperated sigh that came from Sarah. She was onto him! He had used that excuse before to visit her, he had hoped she wouldn’t remember!

“Thank you, Jareth, I do appreciate it. But don’t you want to keep them? Either for yourself or the goblins?”

“The goblins don’t particularly like eggs. They prefer chickens as an animal, alive and clucking, and terrorising my throne room. Not chickens pre, all of that. As for me? I never have a shortage of eggs in the kingdom.”

“Are there really that many chickens in your kingdom, that you have enough eggs to keep you in stock?”

“You have seen my labyrinth love, surely you registered how many chickens there were just hanging about?”

“Well, uh, you see… I had always assumed you had put them there, thinking they were some sort of scare tactic…”

“I… I genuinely do not know how to respond to that Sarah. After setting the cleaners on you, you thought the chickens were there to frighten you?”

Sarah felt the blush creep up her cheeks at hearing how silly it all sounded now that it had been said out loud.  And that damned look Jareth was giving her just made her want to scream at him. Instead she threw the pack of biscuits at his head, smirking as it hit him square in the forehead.

“Now that was just rude.” Jareth muttered, and he picked up the biscuit packet off the floor, feeling the broken cookies inside the wrapping.

“That’s two casualties this evening! First the eggs, now the biscuits? When will your murderous spree end Sarah?” Jareth cried in mock horror, his lips curling into a smile as Sarah rolled her eyes at him.

“It will only end when I have murdered the greatest threat this world has ever known!” She declared, a mischievous glint in her eyes.

“Oh? And who is that my dear?”

Read chapter two here

My Masterlist

[pixelatedrose]

A Rose For A Valentine

Part 1/Part 2/Part 3/???

Word Count: 1504

Cast:

Lochesis Lodgick (logic). Lo, Lochy, Sisi for nicknames

Pandora Morralitie (morality) Panda, Pan, Dora, Pancake for nicknames

Rose Kreativve (creativity) Ro, Princess for nicknames

Valentine Anxxiatie (anxiety) Val, Valen for nicknames

Dahlia Desceat (deceit) Dahl, Di, Dahli for nicknames

Ruby Kreativve (Remus/intrusive thoughts) Ru, Ruru for nicknames

Riley Sleapp (Sleep) Riy, Lili for nicknames

Emily Picani (Emile) Em, Emmy for nicknames

Trigger warnings: Verbally fighting, Breakdowns, mentions of sex, uncensored swearing, fake friends

Chapter 3

  Rose walked out of the classroom, knowing Pandora would be calling her later to ask why she'd lied.

  Rose didn't ride the bus home.

  She never had.

  She just didn't want that stupid emo nightmare trying to talk to her, no matter what the reason.

  "Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid…!" Rose muttered to herself as she stormed out of the building. So much for a good first day of school…

  What had happened at lunch was a nightmare that wouldn't be easily forgiven, regardless of the fact that Valentine wouldn't have had any way of knowing.

~~•~~

  "It's none of your business who Pandora is friends with!" Valentine shouted. "And who's to say that maybe she'd rather be friends with someone who's deeper than a puddle on the sidewalk!"

  Rose's mind jumped into action. This emo was starting to cross over the line of things Rose was willing to put up with.

  "Are you calling me shallow?!" Rose yelled, holding a hand up to her chest dramatically on instinct, having her friend's joke and tease with her about the subject in the past. This was different.

  "If by shallow you mean that I wouldn't get my feet wet if I stepped in you with no shoes on then yes."

  Rose was furious now. "Bitch!! Who the hell are you to tell me who I am?!"

  "I don't have to; it's written all over your everything!"

  "At least I try and be friendly instead of hiding in the back of the classroom and sulking like someone just killed my dog!!"

  "Well at least I know my friends want to be my friends!!!"

  Rose stopped and fell back on her fears.

  They're just sticking around out of pity.

  They're not real friends.

  They'll all leave eventually.

  They don't really want to be around you.

  Rose didn't hear the emo try and keep the fight going, she just turned and walked off, unable to get a grip on her emotions. She clenched her fists and held her breath, fighting down her bitter thoughts.

  Lochesis finally caught Rose's shoulder, snapping the redhead back to reality.

  "Rose, hold on-" Lochesis started but was cut off when she saw Rose fighting back her tears.

  "What if she's right though…!" Rose finally choked out, her voice just barely a squeak.

  Lochesis didn't hesitate in embracing the golden eyed girl, letting her friend take a few shaky and choked sobs into her shirt. The tall girl lead Rose over to the stairwell a few steps away and say her friend down on the bottom steps, soothing her long-time childhood friend with coos and quiet shushs.

  Pandora jogged up to the pair and struck Rose with a soft and tight hug, comforting the girl back into reality.

  "I'm okay now…" Rose said, swallowing down her tears.

  As her distress fell away, anger quickly rose to replace it.

  Rose clenched her fists again. "That stupid bitch is gonna get what's coming to her, just you wait. I'll-"

  Pandora quickly jumped up. "NO!!" She shouted. Seeing Rose and Lochesis startle, she calmed her voice. "No. Listen I know Val hurt your feelings, but she didn't know that, A, you have self esteem issues, and, B, that it would hurt you that much." Pandora's big blue eyes pleaded from behind her glasses. "Please give her at least a chance? She's been my best friend since I was like two years old and she's got no other friends. And if you two ended up fighting, well…" Pandora paused, thinking about the situation and shook her head as if clearing it of unkind thoughts. "It'd be sad!!" She stated plainly.

  Rose slouched her shoulders. "Did you even hear what she said?" Her eyes glared down at the tiled floor. "And I don't think she'd be one to actually even want to make up with me." Rose gestured down the hallway back to the cafeteria. "I mean look at her!! She looks like Tim Burton hand crafted her and through some satanic experiment brought her to life!!"

  Lochesis looked at Rose curiously. "Didn't you mention this morning how much you love Nightmare Before Christmas?"

  Rose waved a hand at her friend. "Shut up, just...shuuu."

  Pandora pouted. "You're not even gonna try?" She asked dejectedly.

  Rose looked down and picked at the holes in her jeans. She finally stood up, throwing her hands over her head. "Fine!" She huffed. Pandora started clapping her hands before Rose pointed at her. "But I'm still not talking to her today! It'll have to wait till tomorrow or something."

  Pandora still bounced a little. "Yay~!! I'm glad you're not giving up on my strange dark daughter!!"

  "What even-" Lochesis started to question before Rose's huffing interrupted her.

  "God what a shitty day this is turning out to be…" Rose groaned.

  Pandora gasped and stood on her tiptoes to cover her girlfriend's ears. "GASP!! Watch your language, Rose! We don't want the human computer learning it, you don't know WHO she'll start repeating it to!"

  Lochesis pulled the honey haired girl's hands off the side of her head, settling for them draping over her shoulders. "I'm not a child, Pandora, I know swear words," she leaned her head back to smile at the short girl. "But thank you for worrying, darling." She winked and Pandora nearly fell over herself.

  Rose rolled her eyes, smiling widely. "You two are sickeningly adorable." They laughed together as the bell rung and they parted ways.

  As soon as her friend's were out of sight, the bright smile faded from Rose's face entirely.

  "Well at least I know my friends want to be my friends!!!"

  Was Valentine right?

  Rose couldn't help but feel that maybe she was.

~~•~~

  Rose waited outside the school thinking about the day. Rose had only grown more upset when she'd found out that the emo was in her chemistry class as well.

  Rose shook herself and stood straighter. C'mon, I bet she's not that bad. She's just a little prickly, that’s all. We can make up tomorrow and then everything will be fine! She told herself.

  "Ro-ro!!" A girl that looked strikingly similar to Rose ran up to her. "Guess What?!"

  Rose have an exasperated sigh and rolled her eyes. "Please don't tell me you damaged my reputation again, Ruby…"

  Ruby giggled and shook her head. "Oh no, I do that on the daily, I don't have to try to do that!" Rose made an offended noise before Ruby had to dodge a playful battering from her sister. "I got a GIRLFRIEND!!" She shouted gleefully.

  Rose stood shocked in the middle of the walkway as she watched her sister. "You What?!" She nearly shrieked.

  Ruby nodded up and down. "Yep!! You heard me right! Duchess Trash-Bitch landed herself a date with only the most suave girl in school!!"

  Rose snorted. "Pah-lease, Ruby, I don't think that's possible seeing as we're sisters, so go check your facts."

  Ruby pushed Rose so hard she fell into a bush. "You think you're so high and mighty but whatever. Besides, Dahlia is way cuter than you'd ever hope to be, loser."

  Rose stopped. "Dahlia? As in stage director Dahlia?" Rose thought to their student director for last year's winter play. She had known that Ruby and her had become good friends after that year, but she didn't know they'd become that close.

  Ruby nodded happily. "Yep!! That's my girl!!" Ruby sighed happily. "Heheh...Imma fuck her so-"

  "GROSS, RUBY!!!" Rose shouted, shoving her sister. "I don't wanna hear about your gross fantasies!! Keep them to yourself, will ya?!"

  Ruby cackled maniacally. "I was kidding!! Mostly…" She added the last part a bit quieter.

  "In any case I still don't want to hear about your gross sex fantasies! Keep those and whatever other disgusting thoughts you have to your self!" Rose said.

  Rose and Ruby were twin sisters, the only thing telling them apart being a small mole under Ruby's left eye and Ruby's slight height difference, Rose being just a tad shorter. They were best friends- partners in crime! Ruby was always the one to mature up and console Rose after failed auditions and fights, and Rose would always sit there listening to Ruby’s bad days and grievances. They were as close as two sisters could be. A team.

  As Ruby went on and on about how wonderful Dahlia was, Rose was finding it harder and harder to keep up her smile.

  First Lochy and Panda, now Ruby and Dahlia… Rose thought. Everyone seems to have someone in their lives but me...I wonder who else will beat me to the stage of romance…

  The two girls finally got home where Ruby very excitedly and loudly announced her new girlfriend to their parents, who delightfully listened to her rant about her day till dinner was done.

  Rose picked at her food and got up before it was finished. "I'm gonna go take a shower."

  "Don't drown!!" Ruby called after her sister.

  Rose turned on the water and stepped inside before curling up and hugging her knees to her chest.

  She thought of the entire day and what Valentine had said.

  And Rose began to cry, letting the sound of the water mask her sobs as she let the day wash over her and down the drain.

  Hey y’all, sorry this is so late! It’s a short chapter I know, but I hope you liked it! I don’t really have much of an excuse for having this out so late, I just kinda had life catch up to me and lost a ton of motivation. despite that, I had fun writing this in the last hour-ish or so! Hope you liked it!!

  Okay so I just edited this and wow there were a lot of things I messed up. In my defense, I wrote and posted this at like midnight. In any case I fixed it, so I hope you find this version a bit better!

  And one last thing before I go; I drew all of the main cast for A Rose For A Valentine (Valentine, Rose, Pandora, Lochesis) Would all of you like to see them all?

  Okay that’s it, love you all byyee~!!

[euph0rictulips]

Who was I?

I often look at my reflection in the mirror, and wonder who the girl that’s staring back at me is. I see the broken eyes sometimes, brimming with tears through bloodshot pupils and dark circles. I see a glowing smile another day, a better day, a smile that can mend and heal and fix. A smile that can change everything. And sometimes, I see my soul. Whatever version it takes on that day, I still see underneath it all. I see the essence of me. And I wonder if I'll always be that girl. 

Truth is, I’m a lot of things. I’m weak. I’m so undeniably weak. I cry at the smallest of things, a frown tugs on my face at the most unnecessary problems. I cry, I fucking weep. I shake with tremors and I have panic attacks, and I think the worst when I tell myself these tears will never stop. 

But I won’t allow myself to refer to me as weak, when I'm also one of the strongest people I know. I know I'm difficult to manage. I know that loving me comes with a lot of unwanted baggage. I know it comes with lies, and sneaking around, and having to cross boundaries that no one, especially me, wants to cross. I know it can be a burden to love a soul as intense as mine. I know it requires a great deal of patience to soothe my rushed, spiteful words. I know it takes the biggest amount of love to keep loving my heart with yours. I know a lot of your nights, and days, and afternoons, and mornings are spent trying to fix me. I know a lot of your time goes into listening to stories of my childhood and the instances that made me the girl I am today. I know how hard it is, and I am so thankful to every single person out there who loved me, in one way or another. I am truly, eternally grateful to those who opened their hearts up to mine, and let me pour a little love and happiness into their own lives, however brief it may have been. 

I won’t use the horrific memories I keep at the back of my mind to excuse my current-day behaviour. I won’t blame my family for the lack of support I think I receive. I won’t blame my dad for the scars and trust issues, and countless of emotional baggage I carry every single day. I won’t blame my mom for the paranoia I feel, for the anxiety that shakes the very bones within my hands. I won’t blame my siblings for the lack of emotional connections I form with people, because I’m scared they’ll hate me too. I won’t blame my friends for not understanding how difficult it is to live some days, for not understanding how it was for me to grow up surrounded by screams and crying and blood and tears. I won’t blame any of me on those. I’ll blame me for the things I do, because only I control everything that happens to me. And I don’t want to hide from anything. 

I’m emotional. I get offended when people mention anything to do with family or my past. I cry and I sob and I melt into a puddle of hysterics because it’s the only way I know how to cope. I become spiteful when I’m angry. You’ll almost never see me breakdown when I’m angry because I’ll be too busy throwing harmful, pointed verbal daggers your way, until you feel as shit as I do. I don’t think I’m manipulative, but I know that I’m a very strategic person. I know what I want and I know what to do to get it, but for the last 5 months or so, it doesn’t even matter because I don’t really want anything anymore. I’m done with romance. I’m done with relationships. I’m done with believing in soulmates and happily ever after for now. I know one day, if God allows it, I’ll be happy. Happier than I am now. Happier than I ever have been. But for now, I just don’t want it. I know how to get it, but I don’t know if I'm convinced that it exists out there anymore. There’s so much pain around me. So much pain within me. So much pain associated with me. I want to change that. 

I want to be a prism full of lights, full of unbending, blinding light. Encapsulated in vibrant, radiant colours and just lighting up wherever I go. I want to explode. I want to explode with happiness and radiancy and jubilance, and every other over-the-top emotion I can think of. I want to move, I want to inspire, I want to motivate. I want to heal. I want to assist. I want to dance. I want to sing. I want to sing and dance. I want to hope for a better world, I want to hope for the company of better people. I want to look around and see life, the celebration of life all around me instead of death and pain and terror. I want to see smiles and hear the twinkling sound of innocence laughter, and I want to see celebrations for anything. I want there to be cheers, I want there to be music, I want there to be beautiful, serene noise wherever I go. I want there to be calmness, and I want there to be complete, chaotic spontaneity that even the skies and stars and sun light up for the gift that life is. Above all, I want there to be passion. Love and clear, undying compassion flowing through the veins of those who keep it. Of those who refuse to embrace it. Of those unsure of what it means to have it flowing through their veins. Of those confused as to what to do with it. I want there to be literature, and history and ambience, and coffee shops with old books, and I want there to be cute boys that care about your health. I want there to be love. I want there to be happiness. I want there to be life. 

I want so much. I want so much, but contain so little within myself. I am a mere girl. Barely of seventeen years of age. I can do only so much. And I fuck up. I make a whole lot of shitty, fucking mistakes. Why does it feel like I’m the only one who cares about them? I still look around to see what others are doing, and I need to realise they don’t care about me. I need to realise that even when I do have someone, I’m all alone in this world. In this big, vast, beautiful world full of several billion people. I’m all alone. I want more than a girl like me can handle. I’ve dreamt dreams that are too big, and I’ve set a bar for myself that is too hard to reach, even for someone so unbelievably exceptional as me. I, I, frankly I can have the world in my fingertips. I can taste the sweetness in the air on my tongue some days, I can feel the buzzing and thriving and embodiment of Mother Nature in my soul on chilly evenings, I can feel the warmth of the sun soaking into my bare back. I love this world. I adore it. Please don’t ever tell anyone that I don’t. Please don’t insult me and everything I believe in by saying that my melancholy is caused by the filth this world has become. I believe in the beauty left. But I don’t believe myself to be a part of it. I am something seperate to the sheer wonder, and talent and radiancy and prismatic awe that this world offers. I am something which doesn't belong. 

I often look at myself, and see my smudged makeup, my cracked lips, my red cheeks and swollen eyes. I often look at myself, and see the most beautiful girl, with the sweetest heart, and golden brown hair with topazy onyx eyes staring back. The soul we share is the same. One cannot exist without the other; one cannot truly comprehend beauty and grasp the concept of what it means to live, without dying first. 

Literally. 

[anonynaomi]

a letter I can’t post anywhere because I can’t let anyone see it. so I’ll post on a platform where no one knows me, knowing no one reads it anyways

it’s for my own personal sanity, trust me

Fair warning, the title of this should be ‘sob story’.

School ruined me and college emotionally drained me. And I can’t blame anyone except myself. Ever since the first day of summer before college, I’ve been evaluating every single thing I do and calculating everyone’s response to what I will do or appear as. So much so, that college started with me being a stranger to myself. I so badly wanted to get rid of the image I upheld in school that I planned to start all over. My motto all throughout the last three years of school was ‘there’s always an after. it’ll all be over soon. you’ll get your fresh start.’

Come first day of college, I already collapsed on the inside. Summer had been exhausting, I visited college maybe five times, with every time making me feel even more pathetic about myself. The ‘fresh start’ I wanted never came. I started and ended this year as the same but a changed person. Since after school, I was way more closed off, avoided talking to any of my friends, actively looked for validation and above all, exhaustively tried to uphold the image that I had friends.

By ‘image’ I mean that I had friends, a few of them (just like before) but every time I was in the same vicinity as someone I knew I wanted them to KNOW and SEE that I was surrounded by MY friends, too. This was almost never the case since I wasn’t always around my couple of friends. And every time I felt ‘exposed’ like this, all I ever wanted to do was drown in a puddle of shame.

I can’t describe what kind of mental place I was/am in and I won’t put a label on it. During the first couple of months in college, I used to often call my mother at home during minor inconveniences or when I felt lonely just to cry to her. Every time I couldn’t cry to her, I cried on the inside.

By the end of October and during November, I was tired. I was so, so tired of my fruitless attempts to make friends and I hated how everyone around me found it easier. All I wanted to do was cut everyone off and hide under my bed.

When activities/volunteer work (very active work during holidays and sometimes during term) started again, this got worse. I was reminded of how horrible summer was. Everyone around me knew each other at this point, and all the work I was involved in, I was the stranger, the odd one out. I hated this. So I stopped volunteering unless I was sure a friend I knew was.

One of the worst days of this year was the day we had the concert. The day started out horribly. I was late because I had a class, I had to change in a hurry, I lost my phone and couldn’t retrieve it because I was already late, I left for the bathroom in the middle of assignments only to come back and find out everything had been assigned, stood alone in lines where everyone chatted, was seemingly ignored by a new friend I made (in her defense I don’t think she was having a good day and I don’t blame her for this) and was close to tears before the concert started. These sound like SUCH minor inconvenience but for someone who’s whole day depends on how she’s being perceived by others it was the start of a nightmare because I felt like everyone saw this. Cut to the start of the concert, I stood alone at the task I was assigned but was later joined by a friend who was joined by her friends. As a result of this, they were happily interacting with each other. I obviously didn’t mind this but felt like a total sore thumb in the middle of jumping, singing, cheering people. Feeing out of place, I voluntarily left her to stand on the other side. At this point everyone was singing along, the concert in full swing. I didn’t have the energy to move. I tried making small talk with a very upbeat person right next to me. The awkwardness of this talk made me feel even worse. I’m the reason they couldn’t even enjoy their concert because (its hard to explain this) I was in the middle, kind of obstructing her ability to be able to move along. Point is, I felt like I ruined her night. The second the confetti erupted, my eyes filled with tears. The concept of everyone enjoying something I couldn’t enjoy, me being in tears in a place of joy made me want to get down on my knees and sob. I didn’t do that, I just saw the night away with silent tears in the middle of a concert I would like to forget.

January and the succeeding months did nothing but make me feel worthless, pathetic and out of place. Something about people I knew finding happiness, friends and acceptance made me awful and then even MORE awful for feeling that way. I didn’t want to wish ill on anyone and I didn’t but I also couldn’t bring myself to be happy for them.

Cut to July, I’m mentally exhausted ,STILL out of place and reliving last summer, where the mere thought of visiting college, somewhere where there’s people who know each other, somewhere where everyone’s doing work scares the crap out of me. Not to add, the last four months have been particularly shitty with family stuff that I can’t EVEN share with anyone. I can’t take a break, because I’m too scared for the future, yet I can’t carry on like this without wanting to cry five times a day. I haven’t fully sobbed yet, but it’s coming.

The reason I wrote this long-ass self pity story is because all I ever do, is live in fear of what everyone thinks of me, the fear of not having enough friends (which is often pointed out by plenty of people) and the fear of being judged. I don’t know why I’m like this, I don’t want to be like this but I don’t know how to not be.

So to anyone out there, to whom I’ve been bitchy, who I’ve ignored, who I’ve judged, I’m so, so sorry. I can’t make excuses for how I’ve been but I’ll just like to apologize.

The point of exposing my pathetic self is that today I feel worthless and I know there’s SO many people who feel that way. To everyone out there, appearances can be misleading, please don’t judge people and keep reminding them that they’re loved, accepted and worthy. Social situations are draining for a LOT of people, don’t dismiss them light heartedly, listen when they say they can’t do it and understand when people have a bad day, you don’t know what they’re going through. It’s the little things that can contribute to breakdowns so don’t call them petty or emotional. Sometimes people don’t like to share, give them their space. Sometimes they can’t explain what’s going on, understand this.

Thank you to everyone who supports me and I’m sorry to everyone to whom I can’t extend the same support and now I’ll go and try not to puke.