#i am immensely relieved to finally have the damn thing in

[gutterprophet]

I got feeding tube'd yesterday for gastroparesis treatment but the supplies I need to actually automate feedings properly won't arrive until tomorrow, so for now the co-farmer is just setting an alarm to walk over every few minutes and syringe tiny amounts of meal replacement formula into my tube while I paint and listen to my Gideon the Ninth audiobook and don't bother to look up

It feels exactly the same as when I was lugging an oxygen concentrator around with me everywhere and the weight of it on my hip & the rumbling hiss it made quickly became background noise, or when I was doing home infusions and became as sure of where my IV pole was in space as I was of my arms and legs, without ever having to look. Just another unremarkable part of my body. A lot of years of shifting my perception to accommodate the constant parade of technology and aids being added to and retracted from my body has made it second nature to allow that the boundaries of my body are permeable and impermanent. Six years ago it took me the better part of a year to adjust to having wheels; now, unthinkingly, unintentionally, my proprioception expands to encompass a person within half an hour.

When I talk about being a cyborg, this is what I'm gesturing at. Hybridization of the internal and external. It's a universal human ability-- people do it with pens, keyboards, clothing, cars-- but it's especially apparent when you are dependent on your artificial body parts to walk, breathe, eat. All humans are cyborgs but I am like a mega cyborg. An above average amount of cyborgery

[bloody-bee-tea]

BeeTober 2023 Day 17 - Auction

“Hey, Geto, your stalker is here,” Yuji loudly calls out and Suguru stiffens before he slowly turns around, dread already forming in his gut.

To his immense relieve he spots a mop of fluffy white hair, which means it’s not Mahito. Satoru might be a stalker as well, but at least he’s less of the worrying and more of the annoying kind.

Satoru doesn’t even get a chance to open his mouth before Suguru says “No.”

“Aw, come on,” Satoru immediately pleads, flopping down over the counter as if he’s made out of water instead of flesh and bones. “Please?”

“I am not going to make your damn concoction,” Suguru says because the thing that Satoru orders on the regular is revolting and honestly a little bit worrying.

He’s going to die of diabetes one day, and he can’t be older than twenty two. He’s too young to die.

“How else am I going to survive then?” Satoru whines out, blinking up at Suguru who tries his best not to get lost in those damn blue eyes.

“Find another coffee shop?” he suggests and busies himself with wiping down the counter, pushing Satoru off in the process.

“And make you lose your best customer? I think not,” Satoru shoots back to which Suguru only rolls his eyes.

“Worst customer, you mean,” he replies and Satoru pouts at him.

“If you don’t make my coffee, I’ll stay here until your shift ends and then I’ll accompany you home,” Satoru finally says—threatens more like—and after giving him the flattest stare Suguru can muster, he turns around and gets started on Satoru’s concoction.

He pointedly doesn’t think about the fact that he has the monstrosity memorised, which is actually quite the feat considering that Satoru uses almost all their toppings in it.

“Aw, I knew you loved me,” Satoru sighs out when he puts it down in front of him and there is something entirely too pleased on his face.

“Now get out of my face,” Suguru tells him, not having much hope that Satoru will leave immediately.

He usually likes to stick around for a while, at least until his drink is empty, and Suguru knows that he’s quite friendly with all of the staff. It’s just Suguru who he seems to annoy to no end; even Shoko had a nice thing to say about him even though she only comes in to pester their manager Utahime and Suguru doesn’t even want to think about that.

“If it isn’t my favourite barista,” a new voice jolts Suguru out of his thoughts and this time, a cold shudder runs down his back.

He curses the day Mahito found out where he works and coming face to face with him now, it’s not the first time that Suguru debates if quitting his job here wouldn’t be easier.

The only thing stopping him is the fact that Mahito will find him again sooner or later and Suguru is not a job hopper.

“Go fuck yourself,” Suguru says, not even pretending to be nice to him and he can feel Yuji’s eyes on him.

It’s a badly kept secret that he and Mahito have a history and it’s even a worse kept secret that Mahito is an unhinged creep who is probably going to try something sooner or later.

Suguru is just waiting for the other shoe to drop and it’s making him sick to his stomach.

“I’d rather you do it,” Mahito drawls out and Suguru sneers at him.

“Not a chance in hell,” he presses out, even though he knows he shouldn’t engage with him more than he has to but he can’t help himself.

“We’ll see about that,” Mahito ominously says and Suguru clenches his teeth so hard together he fears they are going to crack.

There’s a tense silence for a few moments before Yuji butts in.

“A customer, how nice. Geto, you’re needed elsewhere,” he says and nudges him out of the way. “What can I get you?” he then asks Mahito and there’s only cheer in his voice but Suguru caught a glimpse of his expression and it’s pretty jarring to see easy going Yuji glare at someone like that.

Still, Suguru is thankful for it and shuffles to the side, as far away from Mahito as he can be. He didn’t notice that it put him close to Satoru though.

“You okay?” Satoru asks, his voice uncharacteristically quiet and even he is giving Mahito a considering glance.

“Fine,” Suguru shortly gives back though he softens a bit when Satoru frowns at his response. “Promise, I’m fine. He’s just—”

He doesn’t actually know how to finish that sentence but Satoru hums.

“Unhinged and dangerous?” he finally asks and Suguru huffs out an unamused laugh.

“Probably, yeah,” he admits, eyeing Mahito.

He’s scrawny as hell, but Suguru knows that he’s sturdy and lithe. He couldn’t take Suguru in a fight, not ever, but that’s not always the most dangerous thing anyway. He knows Mahito is fast, and crazy enough to carry weapons with him. Plus, he has no regard for his own well-being and Suguru would really rather not clash with him.

He might have to, though, if Mahito keeps up his stalking tendencies because Suguru will not allow him to find out where he lives.

“You staying safe?” Satoru asks, eying Mahito up and down as if he’s seizing him up.

“Trying to,” Suguru shortly gives back and then turns away from Mahito. “I don’t really want to talk about it.”

“Fair,” Satoru agrees and then smiles at Suguru. “Now, here’s the movie I saw last night,” he then says and Suguru immediately groans.

Satoru has the extremely annoying habit to retell a movie in excruciating detail and Suguru already feels his brain leak out of his ears.

“Not a chance,” he interrupts Satoru before he can even really start, which makes him pout again and Suguru sighs, almost immediately giving in. “You have ten sentences to describe the movie,” he relents and immediately regrets his every life choice when Satoru’s eyes start to sparkle.

They really are incredibly blue, Suguru finds himself thinking right before Satoru assaults him with endless run-on sentences. Suguru is not even sure he pauses to take a breath and by the time Satoru finally falls silent again, a good fifteen minutes have passed.

“You’re insane,” is all Suguru can say to the onslaught he just had to withstand and Satoru grins at him.

“It worked though, so worth it,” Satoru declares and it’s only then that Suguru remembers Mahito.

He whips around but he only sees Yuji who gives him a thumbs up.

“He left like ten minutes ago!”

Suguru lets out a breath of relief and even manages a smile for Satoru.

“Thanks, I guess,” he awkwardly says because he has to admit that it did kind of work and that it was incredibly kind of Satoru to distract him like that.

“Thank me by giving me my next drink for free,” Satoru says, batting his eyes at him.

“Absolutely not,” Suguru immediately replies because one, he made that drink often enough to know that it costs a small fortune and two, he’s not going to enable Satoru’s sugar intake.

“You meanie,” Satoru grumbles but he keeps smiling at Suguru. “Anyway, see you next time I guess,” he then calls out, dumping his cup in the trash and waving at Suguru.

“Not too soon, please,” Suguru calls after him but he knows that Satoru will be back two days later because he always comes in on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, just like clockwork.

“He’s really nice,” Yuji suddenly says from behind him and Suguru does not jump.

“He’s an annoying, arrogant brat.” He knows that because he spent enough time chatting with him when Satoru comes in to pick up his drink.

He’s also incredibly intelligent, self-aware, passionate about the things he enjoys, kind and somewhat of a nerd. Suguru has no idea what to make of him, if he’s being honest.

“Better than that other guy,” Yuji says with a shrug and Suguru has to agree with him.

Satoru is way better than Mahito.

~*~*~

Suguru doesn’t know why he didn’t protest harder when the promotion idea for the shop came up the first time, but when his name is being called out he regrets his every life choice that brought him here.

Auctioning each of their staff off for an hour had seemed like a great idea on paper—especially with how popular they all were—until Suguru has to stand in the spotlight and he spots Mahito in the crowd.

He really should have known better.

Mahito gives him a grin that makes goose bumps break out all over his body and he wonders if he can fake being sick to get out of this.

“The starting bid is 1.500¥,” Utahime calls out to the crowd and immediately there are plates being lifted.

Suguru thinks he’d be equal parts flattered and embarrassed when the bids go up to 15.000¥ in almost no time, but the fact that Mahito is still bidding as well makes cold sweat break out on his forehead.

He’ll only have to spend an hour with him, and they will stay in the shop so there is not really something that could happen but with Mahito everything is possible, and not in a good way.

If this goes on, Suguru doesn’t have to fake being sick.

“I see 20.000¥,” Utahime says and Suguru doesn’t even have to check to know that it’s Mahito’s bid. “Going once, twice and—”

“150.000¥,” a new voice calls out and silence falls over the room.

“What the fuck,” Yuji mutters out next to Suguru and Suguru wants to agree.

That’s an incredible amount of money and he thinks he knows who the voice belongs to.

“150.000¥ going once, going twice,” Utahime gets back into the swing after a short, surprised silence, “and sold to the guy with the number 8!”

Suguru would love to confirm if it really is Satoru who just spent an obscene amount of money to spend one hour with him, but before he can Mahito is leaning in way too close.

“You’ll regret that,” he whispers before he’s bodily shoved out of the way by a smiling Satoru.

“Suguru! I do believe this hour is mine,” he says with a nasty look at Mahito and Suguru can only mutely nod. “Wonderful, I ordered food and drinks, so if you would, please,” he sing-songs and offers Suguru his arm as if he’s a damsel.

Suguru takes it, because what else is he going to do after Satoru paid for this and then he’s being led away to a table that is covered entirely with the baked goods they offer in the shop.

“Who is going to eat all of that?” Suguru asks as he slides into the booth and Satoru grins at him.

“You. Well, us really, but you haven’t eaten today, right? So most of it goes to you.”

“How do you know that?” Suguru asks and Satoru’s grin softens.

“You were too busy preparing everything to stop and eat, right?” he asks and Suguru flushes with how accurate it is. “So eat up.”

“Thank you,” Suguru mumbles and picks one of the cones. “But you—really shouldn’t have spent that much money.”

“I really should have,” Satoru says and glares at Mahito, who is still standing in the middle of the shop, glaring at Satoru in return. “No way in hell was he going to get that hour with you.”

“That’s—nice, but it’s not really a long-term solution,” Suguru mutters, before he bites into the cone. “He’ll only be worse after this,” he adds once he swallowed and Satoru turns back around to him.

“No, he won’t,” he says as if he knows something Suguru doesn’t and Suguru slowly lowers the cone.

“What did you do?” he carefully asks and the grin he receives now is sharp and dangerous.

“I have some connections,” he cryptically says and Suguru stares at him.

“What is that supposed to mean?” A horrifying thought occurs to Suguru. “Are you with the mafia?”

Satoru bursts into laughter at that and Suguru feels that is entirely unfounded. It’s a valid thing to ask after someone said such a line after all.

“You really have no idea who I am, do you?” Satoru asks him once he calmed down, still way too amused for Suguru’s liking but the flush that is now on his face suits him wonderfully Suguru thinks.

“Should I?”

He’s Satoru. There’s hardly more Suguru needs to know.

“My family name is Gojo,” he says and Suguru almost drops the cone. “I’m the heir to the Gojo Group.”

“Holy fuck,” Suguru whispers out because everyone knows the Gojo Group.

“So you really didn’t know,” Satoru says, and he sounds pleased.

Him being the heir to such a family would explain how he can spend that much money on Suguru, but it still doesn’t explain his comment about Mahito.

“What did you do to Mahito?” he asks and Satoru’s eyes flicker back to the man in question.

“Turns out he’s wanted in several other countries. You really do not keep good company, Suguru.”

“It’s not company I choose,” he gruffly gives back, because he moved here to get away from him. “So he’s going to be arrested?”

“Hopefully today,” Satoru agrees and then turns a blinding smile at Suguru. “And until then, I’m not letting you out of my sight.”

“Satoru, you really shouldn’t have spent that much money on me,” Suguru says again though he can’t deny that he’s flattered.

“How else was I going to stick it to him and get a date with you?” Satoru easily asks and Suguru chokes on his cone.

Satoru wordlessly pushes Suguru’s coffee closer to him, and Suguru takes a few desperate sips of it.

“What is that supposed to mean?” he finally wheezes out and Satoru seems almost affronted.

“Well, my flirting didn’t seem to work that well, so I had to resort to this,” he says with a shrug and Suguru is glad that this time he didn’t have anything in his mouth.

“Flirting?”

“Come on, Suguru, you think I spent half an hour talking to the others? I only ever come in during your shifts anyway.”

Suguru wants to say that he didn’t know that, but he stops himself. He did know the days Satoru comes in, he just refused to make that connection in fear of what he’d read into that.

“You’re kind of famous,” is what he says to that and Satoru taps his finger on the table.

“I kind of don’t care,” he replies, clearly impatient and when Suguru doesn’t say something to that—still too busy processing everything he learned in the last five minutes—Satoru leans back with a sigh.

“Look, I’m sorry. If it makes you feel better, just think about this as me helping the shop out, alright? You’ll spend this hour eating and when this is over, I won’t come by again. I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable.”

“No!” Suguru blurts out and reaches out to take Satoru’s hand in his, fearing he’ll get up and leave right this second. “Just give me a moment to wrap my head around this,” he pleads and Satoru slumps in his seat.

“Fine,” he mutters but he doesn’t hesitate to close his fingers around Suguru’s.

It’s a lot to take in, Suguru can’t deny that, but the most important part right now is that he doesn’t let Satoru leave. Well, actually, the most important part is that he gives Satoru an answer.

“You could have just asked, you know,” Suguru softly says, moving his hand to thread their fingers together.

“You don’t ask people who work in the service industry out for a date while they are on their job,” Satoru gives back. “That’s just rude and puts you in a bad spot.”

It’s incredibly considerate of him and Suguru can feel himself soften.

“So you tried to flirt.”

“Hey, my flirting is great!”

“Except for the part where I didn’t even pick up on it,” Suguru shoots back and Satoru narrows his eyes at him.

“Well, maybe that’s a problem with you,” he considers and Suguru laughs.

“I’m technically not on the clock now. You gonna ask, or what?” he then challenges Satoru, who immediately straightens up in his seat.

“Suguru, I really like you. Would you go on a date with me?”

“You mean other than this?” Suguru can’t help but to tease and he fights the urge to kiss the stupid pout off Satoru’s face.

“You’re so mean to me,” Satoru whines and Suguru gently squeezes his hand.

“Did you miss the part where this is already a date?” he asks him and watches how Satoru’s face lights up.

“You could have just said yes,” he still complaints and Suguru laughs.

“Where’s the fun in that?” he shoots back and he can’t deny that there is something incredibly comforting about this banter.

“I’m going to take you out on at least two more dates, for the emotional stress you caused me,” Satoru mutters under his breath and Suguru lifts their still clasped hands to his lips, so he can press a kiss to Satoru’s knuckles.

“Deal,” he breathes out and enjoys the dumbfounded look on Satoru’s face, which quickly gets replaced by a vibrant blush.

“You can’t just do that!”

“Watch me,” Suguru shrugs and gets back to his cone, pretending to be entirely unfazed, even though his heart is beating away incredibly fast in his chest.

“Oh, I am,” he hears Satoru say and he refuses to acknowledge his own blush at that, though going by the way Satoru snickers, he definitely notices it.

They spend their time bantering like that, keeping their fingers threaded together and neither of them notices when the hour passes, both secure in the knowledge that they don’t have to keep track of that.

There will be many more hours ahead of them, after all.

[skzdarlings]

Hi Darling <3

It is over. I am empty. I am relieved. I am filled with so much emotion. Holy shit. Where do I start🙃

I have been SO looking forward to this chapter and (as always) you delivered EVERYTHING!!!!

Little Fun fact: As I read your latest two questions, I remembered I myself had been extremely anxious about how the story will end for a long time. I am from Germany and when I first started reading this fic, I mistranslated „eventual happy ending“ in my head because „eventuell“ is a german word very similar to „eventually“ and it basically means „possibly“. I mixed those two words up in my head. So I spent the first few weeks thinking you said „possibly a happy ending, maybe not“ and it drove me NUTS until I looked at the word again and let me tell you the RELIEF when I realized I had mistranslated it was INSANE lol. So for a long time, I really didn’t know there’d be a happy ending. But still, even after realizing my mistake, I was very nervous about this chapter.

 I am very torn between crying because the story is over and crying because it ended in the most beautiful, exciting, satisfying way possible. I really mean it, you couldn’t have done it any better. 

Hyunjin’s appearance was SO heartbreaking. At first I was glad that he reappeared after such a long time, but his miserable state broke my heart and then he even had to get this confession out of Y/N 😭😭😭 THE PAAAAAIIIIIIIIIN and then you even made us think that he was killed?!?!?!!??! Excuse me?!?!?!?!?!🤬 I think I was actually close to dying at that point. 

The father freaking out completely and losing his sanity more and more throughout the chapter was both terrifying and satisfying as hell. I also loved seeing at least a tiny glimpse of him as an actual person (like when he was reminded of his own father) instead of him only being this one-dimensional super-villain without any layers. Bravo! Felix finally standing up to him made me so happy, I’d say it was about damn time! And when that BITCH ASS CUNT WAS MOWED DOWN OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!! My highlight oft he year!!! Yeeaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!! I LOVE the fact that his death was so quick and undignified. And who could’ve been the better person for this job than…... HAN FUCKING JISUNG 😭😭😭😩😩😩👏🏻🙏🏻👏🏻🙏🏻 

YAAAASSSSS!!!!!!! When Y/N sent her goodbye message, I just KNEW that he was gonna have to react in some way. And when The Bitch got ran over, my heart started beating a bit faster and I thought „that HAS to be him, that can’t be anyone else“… The PAYOFF after missing him for so many chapters was….. immense. I cried. Uglily. No shame. 👍🏻 It’s sad that we didn’t get to see Seungmin and Jeongin again, but reuniting with both Jisung and Hyunjin definitely made up for it. Although I would’ve loved to know what happened to our university boys. 🥲

And the most important thing…. Felix and Y/N. They are finally free, after everything. They are fictional characters, but I feel a strong sense of inner peace when I think about it, be it rational or not. They finally broke from their shells and made sure the father knew what they truly think of him before he died, which was so deserved for both of them. And of course they‘d catch a bullet for each other😭 The confirmation that Chris is in fact dead was utterly heartbreaking, but I expected it tbh. I’m just so sorry for Felix. Him sitting in the garden, crying about his friend with his fair finally back to it’s natural shade got me in my feelings 🥲💔 But I really couldn’t be happier with this ending. Finally peace and calm and room for love. They are together and will always have each other. And Jisung.

I really don’t know how everything will continue for me now that the story is over lol. I created this account specifically to tell you my thoughts about the fic. But I will definitely not stop checking out your account. I wish you nothing but the best, and I thank you so much for inspiring me in a broader sense than you can probably imagine. Thank you so much for this project, for your discipline to bring such a huge story to life and share with others. Thank you for all your effort and reminding me of why I first started reading as a little girl. All love. ❤️

-Viktoria ❤️

oh my goshhh 🥺♥️♥️ your reviews always make my day thank you so so much.

first of all oh my goodness at the translation confusion 😂 what a relief in the end hahahaha

and ahhh those were all the big moments i love reading reactions to 🤭 i have had this ending planned out from the second jisung appeared on the page and through all the missing him had been so excited to finally share the ending hahahaha i am so glad you enjoyed it all!!

and thank you so so much for such a heartfelt note. i appreciate it so much. writing is so much more wonderful and fun with amazing readers like you. it’s a joy to share it with you!! thank you for all your messages and i wish you all the best 😊♥️

also very random but i love your name hahaha that’s one of my favourite names i think it’s so beautiful 😊

[dropintomanga]

Cry When It’s Hard

Over the past couple of months, I experienced some personal grief over the loss of relationships. It was somewhat long overdue. I thought I was ready to handle it, but I wasn’t.

I’ve been figuring out how to take new steps towards the lifestyle (not career) I want for myself. Not only am I dealing with that and interpersonal grief, I’m unpacking certain labels I put on myself that have limited me over the years.

People say I look okay, but I’m not so sure. I’ve been re-reading Tokyo Revengers lately and the following scenes from its final arc (particularly Volume 27) were relevant to me (and probably some of you as well).

To provide context, Takemichi Hanagaki makes one final time-leap into the past despite achieving his goal of saving his girlfriend, Hinata Tachibana, because a certain someone’s life truly hasn’t changed for the better. Unfortunately, more tragedy is triggered when he comes back. Takemichi resolves to take care of things himself, but Hinata comforts him as she knows that he’s just experienced a horrifying setback.

I’ve been crying internally the past two months because of someone I miss so much still. I can’t see myself seeing this person ever again because it’s only going to add so much pain. But I also realize how lonely I’ve been despite meeting many new people over the past couple of years.

I remember the many times I’ve cried, but not in front of people. Whenever I felt like “This is a lot right now,” I just go to a bathroom and cry it out. The one time I almost cried in front of people, someone told me to get myself together. I know - no one wants to see that kind of display in a setting that doesn’t call for it.

But god damn, life is fucking hard. At least give someone who feels that way to express their frustrations. I’m a man and I don’t care that I cry. Crying has helped me a lot because men can’t just suck it up and pretend they can do it all because society told them to. I’m going to quote this article about depression and crying.

“Crying is a natural way to reduce emotional stress that, left unchecked, has negative physical effects on a person. Yes, even men. Allowing ourselves to experience our natural response has immense value, as well. 

Crying releases tension, lowers blood pressure, and stimulates production of endorphins (natural pain-relievers). In short, crying makes someone feel better. 

Owning all my emotions and asking for help were, even in retrospect, two of the most powerful weapons I had to beat depression and, in the worst cases, stay alive.“

When you let yourself cry, it’s a powerful thing. It means you truly value your own well-being without the fear of comparison. So many of us have emotions bottled up because we’re always trying to move forward without reflection. It’s okay to slow down. It’s normal to want to take a step back when life becomes too much. 

It’s okay to cry when it’s hard. It’s a natural response that should be honored. Take it from me - once the tears come and go, you can go out there and take revenge on the forces that prevent our humanity from being expressed. 

[tales-from-nocturnaliss]

30 Days of Autism Acceptance 2023 - catching up!

Figured it'd be a fun thing to do this year, since, y'know: this is the year that marked my official diagnosis as autistic. I'll answer several questions at once since I missed the previous days from not knowing this existed (social mishaps ftw!)

If you wanna participate, check out @birdofmay's blog or click through this link!

1 April: The typical introduction question! Tell us something about yourself.

I'm a 42-yo Belgian writer of Dark Fantasy who was diagnosed autistic this past January after a few years of absolute hell trying to figure out wtf was wrong with me. Turns out: likely intense autistic burnout!

On a more positive note though, I also likely have symptoms of ADHD - which is positive because it makes me able to function in the world on a more NT level I'd say, like doing things on a whim, enjoying change and exploring and, in a way, balancing the autism out. Mostly. The conflictual needs and wants have caused me a lot of mental and physical stress that I'm still trying to recover from.

On a fun note now: I have two cats I adore, a husband who's sometimes just as dysfunctional as I am (likely why he sniffed me out when we were still teens << but we only really met when I was 29; he remembered me from seeing me at school though!), currently unemployed because health, love to fangirl my characters (and anime dudes <<), somehow have a wide circle of friends of all nationalities and personalities because individuals are awesome and fascinating (I'm obsessed with psychology and emotions), and... Yeah. If you'd like to know anything else, do simply ask :D I love answering questions.

2 April: When were you diagnosed and when did you know that you're autistic? If you're self-diagnosed, when did you first suspect that you're autistic and when were you sure?

So it's both, actually. Last year, a good friend of mine talked to me about how she thought she was autistic, and shared a lot of info on women-specific autism... and that's when I saw that everything I thought I knew about autism was but a tiny fraction of a very wide spectrum. I recognized myself in what I read. I was on a quest for self-understanding to finally know what ailed me. I needed to know (which, let it be said, seems to be an autistic trait unto its own <<)

That was August. In October, I decided I had to be tested. November through December, five tests. Result in January. Diagnosis confirmed. I was ELATED. Because, finally, my whole life made sense. I am still so immensely relieved and happy to know.

3 April: How good or bad is your memory for things people say? For example verbal instructions.

My memory's gotten worse over time, likely from years of over-stress. I tend to let a lot of things leave my memory - including things people say. Verbal instructions... Because I know I have a tendency to forget, I prefer them written so I can read them over if/when needed. It's why I do everything official via email, put in appointments in my phone's calendar immediately, etc.

Funnily enough, I still remember a few words from one autism test I did back in November. So there's some logic to what's retained and what not. Repetition of words seems to be key.

4 April: Were/are you in special education? Regular school? Home schooled? A private school? Did it change over time? Did/do you like it?

I was in regular school. I'm 42. When I was a teen, depression wasn't even recognized as a real disease. Autism? Never heard of that. I was just an anxiety-ridden, fragile, naturally heavily bullied young girl who suffered ten years of depression afterwards and intense social anxiety. ... Damn I hated school so much. XD (and myself for just not fitting in :3; )

5 April: Did/do you have accommodations at school/IEP? If not, do you think it would help/have helped you?

I imagine it would have, had we known I was autistic.

6 April: Can you understand what people say when they talk fast, or do you lose track after a while? Was it different when you were younger?

Good question, with 'younger' feeling so far away... I did notice my speech recignition declined these past years, like when watching movies. However, since trying ginkgo and ginseng supplements to alleviate ADHD symptoms, and how magically they also alleviated anxieties and stress overall, I notice my speech recognition improved again.

So, to answer: in general I understand people who talk really fast, best of all in french (my native language). However, I do lose track if people talk in monotones. I think my brain gets bored and nopes out of there.

7 April: Do you have other diagnoses? What are they? Do you think that some could be incorrect?

I don't. Which I think is a mistake in itself, because I relate too intensely and completely to AuDHD perceptions. I was told it might be my higher IQ (officially 119, but I couldn't do the language tests as my brain demanded: in all three languages I know. So it's a bit higher) causing conflicts with the autism. Like, I was told a normal person thinks in a fast, straight line; autistics think in zigzags to get to the same point. They said I take the zigzags like they are a fast, straight line. And I'm like: okay sure I feel your point, but what about my mind always feeling torn in different directions and my inability to focus and how sometimes I adore change and other times not etc etc?

I'm not diagnosed AuDHD, but live that way anyway. Because that's what feels right. And trying to treat a possible ADHD has helped me. So instinct >>> NT experts, tyvm.

---

Aaaand tomorrow I'll continue these day by day :D woot to catching up and focussing and getting something done!

[thearbitraries]

hello again :)

it’s been a literal year since i’ve been here last, and damn, has it been a year.

when i left off, i felt like things couldn’t get weirder for me, ‘no way they can get worse!’ i thought.

boy was i wrong lol

2018, i graduated high school with: a plan, a boy after me, friendships i thought would last a lifetime, and my relationship with my family at an all-time high

2019, i realise that my plan has a tiny flaw: i am unsure about what to do. this has never happened to me before. the plan has always been perfect; it’s always been there for me, even when things get complicated they work out. i decide to take some *productive* time off and set off for a semester abroad. i move to england for three months to study psychology. the plan? fall in love with psychology. the execution? mmmm…. let’s just say things got… complicated.

i get involved with a guy, a guy who, mind you, is significantly older than me and oh, is also in a position of power. after my stint abroad i return home with another plan: move to england permanently and execute the plan (go to uni, get a degree in psych, become a clinical psychologist… make my parents proud?) there.

2020, the year the pandemic hits <3

i go through immense pain while abroad: my relationship is (unsurprisingly) horrible, i have no friends and am the loneliest i have ever been. i am terrified of living the rest of my life this way; trapped in a horrible place with horrible people away from those i love. weirdly, the pandemic saved my life. i was forced to move back home, leaving my partner behind and the distance allowing me to see things for what they were with him: abusive. i break things off and focus on the one thing that has always been in the plan: going. to. university.

for as long as i can remember, going to university and being a student has been my #1 personality trait. i was always the “golden child”, the one who was destined for great things. i had (and still have) a fear of never living up to those expectations.

when i got my acceptance letter, i cried so much i didn’t know if i was happy, sad, relieved or exhausted. i was just excited that i was inching closer to ticking off “going to uni” from my checklist.

but having a global health crisis tends to hinder plans a bit, including making travel and in-person classes an impossibility. so i decided to defer a year so i could start my college experience with “the right foot”.

i dedicated that year to working on myself; 2020 was the year i “cleaned up my act”. therapy, diagnoses, workshops and clean eating; that was my game.

i figured out so much about myself that year that it only left me with more questions about what the heck i was doing.

figured it was normal. it was, but it made everything more complicated (for good).

2021, this meant setting off for uni.

great start! everyone’s happy lucy is finally starting her degree! yay!! i felt like my life was just starting; like everything i had worked for was starting to culminate here.

indeed, everything i had ever worked for was for that: to get to uni, to make my parents proud… to achieve a dream that wasn’t mine and satisfy a version of lucy that’s never been real.

i hate it here.

well, not really, you know. i love living abroad, on my own. i love freedom, going to the supermarket, listening to my podcast on the way back from the gym, grabbing drinks with friends and learning new things. a dream come true!!

however, i hate WHY this is. i hate doing this for the wrong reasons. i am not studying something i love, i am not looking after myself… getting up in the mornings is hard because it means i have to look at myself in the mirror and see the image of someone who is not me, looking directly into my eyes.

i am not happy here. i am not happy like this.

have i ever been happy with this?

not really… so i decide to question it. why am i here? who am i here for? what do i want?

all of these questions lead back to a single conclusion: i want to be happy, to do things for me. i want to start living for myself, to get to know who that is.

2022, i decide to drop out against all wishes from my folks. every argument i make, every sentence i say about how i am pursuing my happiness falls on deaf ears; they do not care about that, they only want to see me succeed.

for the first time in my life, i do something for myself and not for them. i go against their wishes. i drop out.

when i received my withdrawal email i didn’t cry; the most peaceful smile crept on my face so slowly i barely noticed it at first. tears welled in my eyes; i was so happy that it didn’t make sense. how could i feel so both at peace and nervous at the same time?

the answer? i am at peace with my decision. hell, i am HAPPY. i have never been able to say that with chest. “lucy, doing something SHE wants”. feels good :)

nervous….. i am nervous about my parents, about how this decision means i not only went against what they want for me, but i let my whole family down. i am not who they thought (or raised me) to be, and i am a disappointment to everyone.

a golden child… what i once was to them is now but a mere false idol resting in a box in their attic.

and… im fine with that.

it was hard, i have never been in a worse place with them than i am now. and yet, everything is great! i am in love with being happy, it is an addicting and thrilling feeling. nothing can take it away from me.

it is funny how this duality is paradoxical in theory, but applicable in my real life. the thought of being happy about a decision i am made to feel terrible about kept me from thinking about myself for 21 years. now that i have finally done it i will never go back.

my family likes to remind me that my defining trait is being kind; to them that means that i put others before myself. i do do that, to an unhealthy level i must admit. but now, now i have learned that self sacrifice is not intrinsic to kindness; you can be kind and also look out for yourself. you do need to put your oxygen mask on before you do so for others.

so i do rejoice in the fact that my decisions have brought me happiness; i am finally glad that the plan didn’t work.

sometimes you have to throw away the pen, the planner and the schedule. planning out every hour of the day does not allow for life’s creative twists and turns to happen; and it’s a shame when you realised you’ve missed out on getting to experience them.

for me, that was missing out on knowing MYSELF!

and the only plan i have is to never let that happen again.

now, i am on the path to discovering who i am, what i want and how i want to get there; no planning involved. (well, just a little. life does get complicated without timekeeping).

as only one of the millions of strangers floating around in this universe, i can only do what we all have to: have fun on the way. and i intend on enjoying every second of it :)

i’ve learned that life…. life is complicated. no amount of labels, plans… control for that matter, can prevent destiny and, well, at the end of the day everything happens for a reason. we can only accept the things that happen, learn from them and grow :)

i used to hate hearing hearing people say to “let things happen”, but, i gotta admit that it is pretty catchy.

i hope to update this soon, 2023 here i come.

and, white void, thank you for letting this post exist somewhere within you. appreciate you <3

[beyondspaceandstars]

A Good Man

Relationship: Bucky Barnes x Reader Warnings: TFATWS SPOILERS, angst, underlying anxious tones (happy ending, though!) Summary: Bucky calls you distraught after having to resume the classic role of the Winter Soldier again A/N: When I saw this scene in TFATWS all I could think about was how wild that had to be for Bucky to assume that brainwashed role again and idk maybe it isn’t that deep and i just went crazy with it but what can i say? i love a good sad/angsty one shot with happy ending :)

Masterlist

Your heart leaped with joy as your phone started buzzing beside you on your desk. Only one person would be calling you at such an obscure time and seeing your boyfriend’s name and picture pop-up as confirmation made your heart melt.

Hitting ‘accept,’ you happily greeted him, "Hi, honey."

You couldn’t contain the smile on your face as you waiting for his answer. You two hadn’t talked for a bit after he went off, only giving you a brief rundown of his plans. He was a bit frantic, a bit worried about his actions, but you assured him you knew what he had to do. Not being much of a hero yourself, all you could do was support him and promise to be there when he gets back, arms opened, ready to comfort him.

"Hi, doll," Bucky responded but his tone absolutely did not meet your energy. He sounded a bit out of it, almost distant, as his words dragged out in a sigh. At first you thought maybe he had just gotten tossed around in a fight but there was something in his voice you had to inquire about.

"How’s everything going?" You asked, cautiously, as you leaned back in your desk chair. The late-night work you were doing was becoming abandoned as your attention turned to your boyfriend.

Bucky paused, the line practically going dead. You worried he had hung up, maybe thought better than to tell you what was going on, but you could still hear his uneven breaths. They were haunting and rigid. You started to get more worried as the seconds of silence went on.

Afraid he was going to drop the call, you wanted to change the subject when Bucky finally spoke up. "We teamed up with Zemo."

Your phone nearly slipped out of your hands. Sitting up abruptly, you did your best to contain your shocked tone. "Wow, um, alright," you nodded, even though he couldn’t see you. "How- How is that going?" The last thing Bucky had explained was going to see him in prison and now somehow, some god-damn way, the man was outside. The man who had done all that to your boyfriend. Had controlled and weaponized him. The terror, the fear, everything Bucky would tell you came rushing back-

"Doll," Bucky mumbled, cutting off your thoughts. You gulped at his weak, sad tone. "You still love me, right?"

Your brows furrowed. "I love you so much, Buck," you said, meaning every single word entirely. After a deep breath, you then asked, "What’s wrong?"

"If you see any videos tonight, please don’t watch them-,"

"Videos?" You gasped, "Bucky, what is going on?" Your jaw clenched as you sat on the edge of your seat, desperate for answers. You weren’t about to disobey him but he was also giving you nothing.

That silence came back but you forced yourself to wait patiently. No dial tone came, just the same haunting breaths on the other end of the line.

He spoke abruptly, nearly catching you off guard. "We needed to speak to an informant so…" Bucky coughed, sounding like he was covering any worry. You still waited, silent. "I had to take on the role of the Winter Soldier, that Winter Soldier, again."

"I- What?" You asked. What the hell did that mean? "What do you mean took on the role? What- Bucky, what did you do?"

"No, no, babe, it’s fine," His voice was frantic, making something twist in your heart out of sadness. "I- I had to just pretend but it was back in that headspace, that role, and… And it was a lot, doll. I felt like a soldier again, following commands, and I didn’t- I mean I’m fine, everything’s fine. I know it wasn’t real but I- I just needed to talk to you. It got overwhelming and…" Bucky took another deep breath. You sniffled, holding back some tears as you listened to the worry, the tragedy, in his voice. "I just needed to hear your voice. Remember who I am now. What I have waiting for me."

You couldn’t help the little sob that escaped you. You didn’t exactly think it was the end of the world but it was… alarming. Necessary, it seemed, but alarming, and you didn’t know how to really help. Part of you wanted to beg him to come home but that just wasn’t reasonable. You knew the stakes very well.

Bucky started mumbling your name trying to calm you down but you cut him off. "Bucky, you know that’s not you anymore. You’re no one’s soldier, you’re no one’s asset, okay? You’re a good man who just wants to make things right." You took a deep breath as the waterworks flowed. "It wasn’t real, honey. You did what you had to do for the great good. As cheesy as that may sound, it’s true. And I think the fact you’re worried about it means you’ve come a long way."

A shaky breath came through on the phone. You both seemed to be such messes on different sides of the world. All you desperately wanted was to take him in your arms, reassure him everything was fine, feel his touch and give him that comfort. But he was doing what he had to as a hero and you knew it didn’t come without its challenges.

"Thank you, doll," Bucky mumbled. "I really needed to hear all that."

You mustered a weak smile through your teary expression. "You’re doing good, honey, I promise. You’ve worked so hard and I’m immensely proud of you."

You could practically hear the smile finally forming on Bucky’s lips as he gave you another thank you.

"Now, if I may ask," you sighed, "what is this about videos?"

Bucky groaned. "Some witnesses had those genius phones or whatever."

"You mean smartphones?"

"Whatever," He scoffed. "I think they took videos of the fight."

You shook your head, moving the phone to your other ear for comfort, and leaned back in your chair. "Your therapist is not going to like that."

"Please don’t remind me."

You couldn’t help but give a little chuckle at his response. "Are you doing okay, now?"

Bucky hummed. "I think so," he said. "Sorry for bombarding you with all that. I got a little panicky when I realized…"

The trailing off made your heart break just a little bit more. In your time of knowing him, when he wasn’t speaking his mind could be wandering, filling with worries and horrors you just wanted nothing more than to magically cast away. But the best you could manage was to actually be there. To listen to it all, fully on the roller coaster ride.

"Hey, honey," you said, trying to pull him away from his thoughts. "I promise, you’re okay. You were doing your job and it might not have been ideal but that wasn’t you. You don’t even know that person anymore."

"You’re right," he sighed. "God, how are you always right?"

You giggled, wiping away some stray tears. "I’m just so smart."

Bucky gave a weak laugh. It wasn’t much but you’d take it. "That’s for sure," he agreed.

He sounded like he was about to say something else when a voice called in the background. Bucky let out an annoyed sigh then said, "I have to go, doll, but I can call you tomorrow."

"Okay, honey," you said, sniffling slightly. "Please be safe."

"Always," he mumbled, his voice cracking just a bit, but he seemed to quickly compose himself. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Buck," you sighed. "Come back to me in one piece."

"Doll, please, you cannot say that to your boyfriend who has a detachable arm."

You gasped, "Bucky, you know what I mean-,"

He cut you off with another weak laugh. You were slightly relieved his humor hadn’t totally abandoned him in his panic. You wish you could see the same for yourself but Bucky always knew how to break the mood.

"Of course, I do," he sighed. "Just like teasing you."

"You’re insufferable."

He scoffed. "You love me." You could practically see him shaking his head with that stupid but loving teasing grin playing at his lips, trying to overcome those sad eyes.

You chuckled as your heart absolutely warmed at the mental pictures of your boyfriend. There was no denying you were madly in love with him. All of him. Brain, body, heart, soul. The entire package. "Of course I do."

[captnjacksparrow]

Hey. So when do you think Sasuke realised his true feelings for Naruto? I feel like he knew since part one itself, in some way at least. He was aware of something. When Sasuke tells Naruto his body moved on its own, I feel like there were seeds of realisation or at least a trigger point. In Shippuden, he always seems like he is fully aware of his depth of feelings for Naruto, he gets super emotional because of it. The fact that he is driven to ask Naruto again and again about his feelings, and is disappointed except for chapter 698 proves that he knew this feeling was somehow different, and he wanted understanding from Naruto, maybe to validate his own feelings, since he is equally inexperienced if not oblivious like Naruto.

He knows deep down that Naruto is special to him, he adores Naruto privately, he had since before the genin days. At the end of vote 1, I think he realises it fully, his true feelings for Naruto. What do you think?

Wonderful Ask, Anon!!! 😍😍😍. 

[[Lengthy Post ahead]]

WHEN DID SASUKE REALIZED HIS TRUE FEELINGS FOR NARUTO?

I am damn sure, like 100%, the moment he realized his true feelings is when he thought he was going to die and recollected all the memories he shared with Naruto (including the Accidental Kiss and Roasting Sakura for insulting Naruto) for one Last Time in the Land of the Waves Arc.

You might be thinking now, "What makes you so sure?"

Well, Kishimoto just hammered into our faces in many plotlines.

How is this panel has to do anything with Sasuke?, You may ask.

The answer is here.

"You will realize what you are, as death comes to embrace you".

Itachi, no matter how cold he acted before Sasuke in that battle, he simply couldn't keep up his Evil Brother act at the final moment of his death.

He just smiled. That is who Itachi really was and always will be for Sasuke.

Again, you may ask, 'All this happens much later in the series, Kishi might've had a different mindset back when he was drawing part 1'.

You are right. But Kishi's mindset was the same all the time. He even established this 'True face before Death' theme very strongly in Land of the Waves arc itself.

This is who Zabuza really was. He didn't treat Haku like a Tool. Infact, his final words were, "I wanted to go the same place as you".

Kakashi made sure to convey this message to Haku in the War Arc, when he fought with the Edo Tensei'ed Haku and Zabuza.

And there are many characters who died in this series. Almost all of them projects their true feelings before their death. Just rewind the deaths of Nagato, Yahiko, Konan, Obito, Madara. You might've noticed that there won't be any lies. For Example, Obito. When he died for the first time, he was really thinking about Kakashi and Rin. He even said, ‘I wish I could’ve spent more time with them’. That’s who Obito really was. He was convinced with that Tsukuyomi plan because he wanted to live in a dream world where Rin and Kakashi will be with him happily. 

So, a person, at their final moment thinks only about all their memories shared with that 'precious' person signifies only one thing. That person must have unconditionally loved the one they thought about.

Sasuke realized that he loves Naruto at that moment and he had no regrets because he smiled before falling into Naruto's lap.

And I always wondered, 'Why did Sasuke thought only about Naruto? Didn't he have any other good memories other than the ones he shared with Naruto?'.

Well, this goes way back when he was just 8, right after the Massacre. Yes, the chapter 698 confession. But I am not going to attach all the panels here as I will go in-depth about it later in this post.

However, there are three panels that provides the general gist of what Sasuke felt about Naruto, the whole time.

Happiness:

Whenever Sasuke watches Naruto, he reminded him of his family and it made Sasuke 'felt relieved' or 'feel warm and fuzzy'. Simply put, Naruto's presence made him happy.

And did Sasuke ever felt relieved?

Yes, he did!!

This above scene happens sometime after the massacre and yet, somehow Naruto could make him smile even in that distressful situation.

And this is one recurring feeling which Sasuke experience whenever he comes in contact with Naruto. After the Massacre, somehow Naruto became his source of happiness or relief. This panel right after massacre, that smile before his ‘supposed’ death, on seeing the Great Naruto Bridge with a relaxed smile, VoTE2  smile.....  

Sasuke smiled at all these scenes and you know the reason why!!!

Weakness:

This is exactly opposite from how he felt earlier. And this conflicting thoughts are what Sasuke was battling in his mind throughout Part 1 and Part 2 until Chapter 697. He liked Naruto's presence. But, For him, the very thought of bonding with him made him feel weak. 

According to Sasuke, the stronger he bonds with someone the more he has to worry about losing them and the very thought of losing them will put him in a precarious position which is considered as a weakness. And Sasuke doesn’t want to experience this again. 

Meaning, Sasuke doesn’t want to feel the pain of loss over someone, ever again. He wants to be the person who don’t care about anyone.

Did Sasuke ever expose his weakness?

Yes he did!!! 

This is his absolute display of weakness and this is what he always wanted to avoid. The very thought of something is going to happen to Naruto made him do something that put him under immense pain. 

Yes, In his mind, he doesn’t want to care about anyone’s loss. But his body doesn’t seem to listen to him. And that’s why his body moved on it’s own.

God!!! This made me cry!!!!

Pain:

Now, this feeling Sasuke had towards Naruto was very evident in the War Arc. That one time he sensed Naruto’s Chakra in Konoha and asked Orochimaru to hurry up. Also when Naruto was bawling after seeing countless shinobi’s deaths, Sasuke’s reaction changed from ‘I don’t care 😶’ to ‘How dare you😠’, I consider all these moments where Sasuke was bothered about Naruto . But since, I want to focus only on Pre- Land of the Waves moments, I’m not going to add those moments here.

Did Sasuke felt pain in Part 1?

Of course, he did!!!

Well, I always consider this scene as something ‘very personal’ for Sasuke. 

In this post, I’ve written about how chapter 3 is masked by the ‘Accidental Kiss’ as a comical facade but when you analyze it deeply you will find that Naruto and Sasuke’s rivalry thing goes long back, even before the series started.

After hearing Pinky’s insensitive comment, what Sasuke did here was completely extreme. He was just giving her a ‘Murder Stare’ which was way too extreme for Naruto, if he was just a teammate. When in reality, Naruto was not just his teammate. That’s why I think Sasuke was bothered by this insensitive comment and roasted her because he knew Naruto was suffering from this loneliness ever since he saw him when he was 8. And when someone made fun of his loneliness, Sasuke just couldn’t keep quiet. 

Isn’t this some form of feeling pain of the person you care about and standing up for them?

This is another scene which I don’t have to go in detail about. 

On my first watch, I always wondered, ‘Why Sasuke was making exceptions for Naruto? They just know for a very few days and yet why was he giving his lunch and standing up for him, which he doesn’t have to in the first place? It’s just 2 episodes in and Sasuke has already made 4 exceptions, why was he doing this?’

But after watching Episode 478, I came to the realization that Sasuke did all these because he knew about Naruto before the series even started. 

It’s funny that before this scene, Sasuke was giving his long-ass serious speech to Pinky about how he is an avenger, he was crying at that time, he wants to get stronger than someone and wants to kill him, he can’t waste his time here..... And yet when he saw Naruto suffering from Hunger, he just gave his lunch without minding the consequences. (Ninja Career says Hello!!!!)

Now, Let’s get back to my previous question I posed here, 

Why did Sasuke thought only about Naruto in his final moments? Didn't he have any other good memories other than the ones he shared with Naruto?

The answer is, ‘Sasuke always felt any one of the three extreme emotions such as Happiness, Weakness, Pain in the presence of Naruto. And all these 3 extremities are not something you feel for everyone unless that person shares your blood or the person you love unconditionally. Sasuke, at this point has no one that shares his blood plus the only blood relation left was the one he wants to kill. And since Sasuke thinks he is going to die, he doesn’t mind thinking about his happiest moments with the person he considers as ‘precious’ , because somehow Sasuke considers Naruto as ‘His Person’ or you can say ‘a part of himself’’

And that’s why I think Sasuke realized his true feelings just when he was about to die. 

At the end of vote 1, I think he realizes it fully, his true feelings for Naruto.

I had this same thought before, anon!!! But after multiple re-watches, I realized something else. You cannot realize your true feelings and say a painful ‘Good Bye’ at the same time.

Realizing true feelings works only in two ways,

You either say a ‘Good Bye’ to someone. After leaving that person you may realize you miss that person and eventually you may come to term with your feelings.

Or

You already have a strong feeling established in your heart and say a painful ‘Good Bye’. And VoTE 1 belongs to this category.

Simply put, Break ups and Love realization cannot happen simultaneously.

And that’s why Sasuke casually said, “To me, you’ve become my closest friend” without any hesitation. Because he already knew it otherwise obtaining Mangekyou Sharingan (MS) will not be possible if you don’t have such a strong feelings established already.

That whole battle started off as a way to obtain MS but then it changed into his desperate attempt to cut off his bond with Naruto to become stronger and only killing him can sever it because it’s such a strong one. It’s not a bond that will be severed by saying a simple, ‘Thank you’.

At this moment, Sasuke must be realizing he simply cannot cut off this bond and he is again making an exception by letting this one weakness to exist and embracing it by being closer to him for one final time.

And this is one of the hauntingly brilliant way of conveying A Connection indirectly. And the best part is... this scene is not accidental. We know Sasuke felt stinging pain in his arms and knelt down & coughed up blood. How did he end up straight above Naruto’s face?

It’s because Sasuke simply wanted to convey his unbroken bond with Naruto by deliberately leaning towards his face. Rain falls on Sasuke and all those droplets passes through Sasuke’s face and falls upon Naruto’s face or it is very possible that Sasuke might by crying and his tears might be touching his face, but either way, it creates a Connection which he couldn’t able to cut off. In the fillers, Sasuke’s sweat drop falls on Naruto. It’s almost similar to how at the end of chapter 698, both of their blood connects together to form a connection. Which means only death can separate their connection.

That’s why I feel that this is the moment where he is painfully saying his Good Bye for one last time, it pains him immensely because he already knows that leaving his ‘precious’ person who became a part of himself is not very easy added to that he hurt him so much during the battle. And for this reason, Sasuke felt ‘leaving Naruto is like ripping off half of his body’.

He knows deep down that Naruto is special to him, he adores Naruto privately, he had since before the genin days. What do you think?

Sasuke always fights this inner battle within himself. Mind Vs Heart & Body. 

His mind says, ‘No more Bonds. Just stay alone. That will save you a lot of pain’.

His body says, ‘Create Bonds. Feel Relieved’. 

When Sasuke met Naruto near the lake pier, His body wins the battle and that’s why he smiled back at him despite the trauma he went through few days earlier. This is when Naruto became special to him.

When Sasuke attempted to make friendship with Naruto. His body wins the battle and that’s why he offered food, trained along with him.

When Sasuke died for Naruto by casting away his dreams, his body moved on its own.

At the beginning of VoTE1 battle, his mind said, ‘Leave Naruto. Pursue your dreams by treading in a darker path by filling your heart with hatred’. His body said, ‘Be with Naruto. Achieve your goals by filling your heart with Love’.

By the end of VoTE1, Sasuke came to the conclusion that he really couldn’t sever his bond with Naruto, no matter how hard he tried. That’s why his body moved on its own and ended up straight above Naruto’s face for one last time. Carrying all the heart break of a painful breakup, Sasuke treads towards the darker path. For the very first time, Sasuke’s mind won the inner battle. And he was extremely saddened by it.

Throughout Shippuden, Sasuke mostly listened to his mind and whenever he does, he was seen pushing Naruto away like leaving with Orochimaru, ramming chidori through Naruto’s Shadow Clone when pursuing Itachi, promising to kill Naruto before Attacking Konoha, wanting to fight with Naruto in VoTE2.

But whenever he followed his heart, you can see scenes like Sasuke occupying Naruto’s personal space in Orochimaru hideout, Sasuke smiling at Great Naruto Bridge, asking Obito about Kyuubi (Naruto) when he joined Akatsuki, stopping his rampage on seeing Naruto’s eyes under The Bridge, asking Obito to wait and listened to Naruto under the Bridge, sensing Naruto’s chakra in Konoha and getting concerned about it, prioritize saving Naruto over everyone in the War Arc, switching off Sharingan at the last moment. These are all the moment where Sasuke’s heart was winning over his mind.

And finally at the end of VoTE2, Sasuke happily claimed, ‘I lost’, meaning, his mind which always asked him to cut the bond with Naruto lost to his Heart and Body which always wanted him to be with Naruto. And when Sasuke felt that he was unconditionally loved by Naruto who was willing to share his pain, Sasuke cried happily and finally sealed his Bond with Naruto.

But anyways, I still get this question, why do Sasuke had to battle his feelings for Naruto like a lover? And why Naruto had to act all Tsundere towards Sasuke for most of the Part 1 if only they are friends!!! Like Shikamaru was never shown to be acting tsundere towards Chouji or Naruto. Or Obito was never shown to battle his feelings towards Kakashi!!! Itachi was never shown to be obsessed about Sasuke all the time. Or Hashirama was never obsessed about Tobirama either. Like we were shown many fraternal bonds, friendly bonds throughout the series. And yet why none of those bonds fits for Naruto and Sasuke? 

Well, this post is not the right place to cover these questions and I am simply going to leave it at that. 

Sasuke realized it very early and that’s why he decided to push Naruto away by the end of Part 1. Whereas Naruto truly realized his feelings at the end of Part 1 and decided to put himself close with Sasuke in Part 2 and finally confessed in VoTE2 that, ‘Remember, you once gave me your food during the Bell Test? It’s because you simply can’t tolerate to watch me suffer before your eyes.... I also feel the same way about you.. I simply cannot see you suffer alone when you were willing to give your body to Orochimaru... It just hurt me a lot inside’.

They finally realize the feelings they had for each other is a love in a broader sense which cannot be labelled under a certain term (it may include a father, a mother, a friend, a lover too) and we can call them as Pure Soulmates, where one cannot live without the other, where one cannot bear to see the other one suffer and they always wanted to be standing next to each other sharing their happiness and pain in their hearts. 

[some-kindofgnome]

tastes so bitter (tastes so sweet)

You’re driving back from an out-of-town mission with Hawks when your car breaks down on a very sparsely-populated highway. While you await relief, things get... personal. 

characters: takami keigo (hawks) x f!reader

word count: 7.1k

warnings: smut (18+ please!), car sex, pro hero!reader, angst, emotionally unavailable hawks

notes: ta-dah!!! the car sex fic! this turned out way longer and way more feelsy than I ever intended it to be. but I’m grateful for the chance to show you how I play with plot and emotion as well as some good porn. porn with feelings, y’know? 

EDIT: The supremely talented @la-saffron​ has created an absolutely spectacular piece of artwork for this fic! Please go and look at it right here, it’s really quite splendid

Masterlist

The shadowy trees on either side of the highway cast a chill across the pavement as the sky went dark.

It was far from sunset, but the woods were so tall and thick that the light had disappeared from the road a long time ago. The overpriced navigation system laid into the dashboard of Hawks’ luxurious car was no help at all; not when you were taking the only road for miles around.

The highway narrowly passed for two lanes, winding precariously down from the mountains. Dotted with reflective yellow signs- deer crossing, bear crossing, creatures-of-unimaginable-horror crossing. Bigfoot himself could have wandered into your headlights and you barely would’ve flinched.

But that was to be expected, given where you’d come from.

That day’s mission brought you both far, far away from the city. There was a national forest about three hours away- one of the biggest in the country- and you and Hawks had been called in at the crack of fucking dawn to drive all the way out to the woods and investigate some ‘strange reports,’ as the rangers cared to call them.

Most park rangers knew what they were seeing when guests came in from the woods reporting abnormal happenings. Nobody was truly immune to fear, though, when faced with the impossible.

Whether there were paranormal creatures lurking in those woods or not, you couldn’t have been sure. But after spending the day exhausting both your quirks combing every spare inch of those woods, you were relieved of your overnight duties by a group of other, more nature-savvy heroes.

Hawks had been miffed, but too exhausted to argue. He didn’t like to think he’d been overshadowed. You were just thankful to be going home to your own bed.

“Okay,” you sighed, nursing the last of a lukewarm soda from a burger joint at the edge of the only one-horse town you’d passed through. It was a pretty unassuming stop for dinner, but you and Hawks both agreed that the burgers were way too good to be sold to so few patrons.

Keigo was driving, with one palm splayed lazily across the bottom edge of the wheel. His scarlet wings stretched into the backseat, draping over the shoulders of his black leather backrest like some bizarre kind of seat cover.

The fact that his car was so luxurious was not lost on you- although you were more surprised to find out that he had one at all. Hawks seemed like the last person in the world to need a car, after living in a fantastic downtown penthouse. And owning a pair of wings, come to think of it.

He owned it because he could. And because he knew how good he looked in the driver’s seat.

“What?” He turned a curious eye toward you, though he never quite pulled his gaze from the road.

“I know we started this conversation on the way here,” you began, “but… we never exactly finished it.” You swirled what was left of the ice chips in the bottom of your cup, considering the best way to voice your thoughts.

“Alright.” He sounded vaguely amused, slouching a little further down and drawing an idle palm over his feathered hair. “Shoot.”

“Well…” You trailed off. “You’re kind of… a city guy.” You were already starting to talk with your hands. The racket coming from your half-drunk soda was proof enough.

“What makes you say that?”

“You are,” you defended. You let a playful edge creep into your tone. “And the agency’s kind of a city thing.”

“Am I really as one-note as you’re making me out to be?” He was chuckling. Your cheeks were going hot. You weren’t sure how this became a personal conversation, but you were determined to steer it in the proper direction. You course corrected.

“I just mean, we don’t take a lot of jobs outside the city. Like… ever. So, what’s with this one? Why this call?”

He didn’t answer right away. When you glanced across the car, he was licking his lips and appearing to be, very genuinely, thinking.

“Well,” he began. There was an immensely appealing depth that wore around the edges of his voice when he was deep in thought. You hung on tightly, trying your best to hide how intently you listened.

“I was just… bored, I guess.” He gave a lazy little shrug. His eyes were still trained on the windshield, but you could feel the weight of his urges. He wanted to look over. You turned your head, willing him to.

“Probably sounded like bullshit, now that I think about it,” he confessed, “but if there really was somethin’ freaky in those woods… I dunno. I wanted to see it.”

You resisted the urge to snort.

“Maybe you should start a ghost hunting branch at the agency.”

“Aw, c’mon,” he protested. This time, he really did drag his eyes away from the road for a second. They glinted playfully in the dark. You got a flash of pearly canine from the barest hint of a grin, but it was enough to put a stupid smile right across your face.

A sickening thud from beneath the hood zapped any false confidence you’d been building. There was a dull pop, then the engine died.

“What the- shit.” Hawks scrambled to put both hands on the wheel, navigating the car with what momentum remained over to the narrow shoulder. The tires hit gravel and soft mud, rolling pathetically to a stop and settling in damp silence.

“What the hell was that?” You leaned over the dashboard as your pulse came down from near-terminal velocity. There were half a dozen lights blinking away on the dashboard- symbols you couldn’t understand.

“Not sure.” Keigo was doing his best not to sound too perturbed. As a result, he was just perturbed enough.

You knew what those lights implied, though. Service due. Oil change due. Battery maintenance due.

“Jesus Christ,” you hissed, “when was the last time you took this car in for service? It’s a miracle you even made it out of the goddamn garage.”

Hawks was in the process of mashing the engine start button like an arcade game. When you spoke up, he pushed it down and held. The engine gave a dull, sad sort of sputter, but nothing roared to life.

“Look, look,” he dismissed, waving a hand in your direction as he unbuckled his seatbelt. “I don’t drive this thing that often, okay? I’m gonna go check under the hood.”

He climbed out of the driver’s side and slammed the door before giving you the chance to remind him to pop the hood. For a minute, you let him wallow in his mistake, watching gleefully as he pried at the seam of it. Finally, you unbuckled yourself and leaned over, flicking the release for him.

He gave an unamused glance toward the windshield and lifted the hood, obscuring all but the very tips of his drooping wings from view.

After about fifteen seconds, he ducked back into the car with a rush of cold air behind him. He rubbed his palms together as you watched, arms folded over your chest.

“So?” You prompted. He gave a sideways glance in your direction, blowing into his chilled hands.

“So what?”

“Oh my g- what’s wrong with the car?” You tried your best not to let panic set in.

“I don’t know. It’s just a bunch of pipes and wires under there. They didn’t exactly give me a map of the thing when I bought it.”

You’d seen Hawks pull people out of burning buildings before. You’d see him think on his feet, devise a plan and act on it in the blink of an eye. Usually, he was impulsive. Confident. Clever.

Tonight, on the other hand, he was demonstrating a very clear affinity for money over brains.

You flopped into your seat, scrubbing your hands over your face. You were not going to freak out. You refused to. It didn’t matter that Keigo had suddenly become useless in the face of disaster. You were heroes, even if you had to save your damned selves.

“Oh,” he quipped from beside you. “Still got bars. See?” As you peeked over at him through one cracked eyeball, he waved his illuminated phone screen at you. “It could be worse, kid. If this were a horror movie, this thing’d be dead.”

He tapped away on the screen, seeming very pleased with himself. Even his wings gave a little ruffle, draping themselves smoothly over the back of his seat again.

“I’ll call us a tow. We’ll be outta here in no time.”

A few minutes later, you had a map pulled up on your phone while Hawks’ brow creased deeper and deeper.

“Uh-huh.” His voice had taken on that irresistible deepness to it again, but this time it was sending pangs of dread through your gut.

“Right.” He brought a palm up to smooth over his jaw, fingertips bending and pressing idly against the patches of scruff that dusted it. “Y-yep, yeah, I understand. Fifty miles is a long way. I know it’s gonna be a lot to send a truck that far. But-“

As he was abruptly cut off by the other end of the line, those idle fingers slipped up to his temple, pressing inward and rubbing in stiff little circles.

“Okay. Alright. Yeah, I guess we’ll wait, ‘cause there’s not much else we can… I understand. Yes, thank you. Thank you. Okay, we’ll be here. Or within a ten-foot radius. Thanks. B-“

He blinked rapidly at the screen as he pulled it away from his ear. “Have an excellent night, sir,” he muttered under his breath. He let out a deep sigh, lifting a hip to tuck his phone away again.

“They said they would send someone,” he said, “but the depot is, like, fifty miles from here. Could be a couple of hours.”

“A couple hours?” That cold dread was settling into your chest again. So much for sleeping in your own bed.

“Yeah. C’mon, get out.”

“What?” You glanced past him at the frosted driver’s side window. “It looks freezing out there.”

“Well then, you’d better bundle up. C’mon. I’m gonna fly us back to the city.”

“No way. Hawks- Keigo.” You grabbed his arm and squeezed tightly as he made to get out of the car.

“What?” Exasperation was creeping into the edges of his voice. The sides of his gaze, too, as he landed against the seat back with a thud and turned his cheek to look at you.

“You’ve been flying all day. Your wings are shot. You’re not flying anywhere.”

“What? They’re fine.” He gave the appendages in question a defiant flutter and a cloud of expiring feathers floated into the backseat.

You folded your arms across your chest. Hawks gave a frustrated growl.

“What do you suggest, then?” He retorted in fierce opposition to your silence. “Just sit around and fucking… die of old age before the tow truck comes?”

“Oh my god, you’re the number two hero,” you snapped back. “When did you become such a drama queen? Yes, we’re going to wait. Like a normal person would have to.”

“I’m not being dramatic; I’m presenting you with a legitimate solution and you’re ignoring it!”

“If you try to fly us both out of here, you’re gonna hit the ground before we’re halfway home. And then we’ll be really stranded, with no water and no shelter. So, if you’d like to fly back all by yourself, I can’t stop you. But I’m not going to let you kill both of us.”

“Fine!” Hawks’ cheeks were flushed with temper as he kicked the door open and clambered out of the car. He kicked it shut again so hard the whole body rocked, and for a moment you were left, trapped in shocked silence.

He was really going to leave you out here. Alone.

Half a dozen heartbeats passed before his boots crunched on the shoulder and he wrenched the door open again, flopping back into the car with an immense sigh of irritated defeat.

“Fuckin’ freezing out there,” he muttered as quietly as possible.

You wanted to punch him.

“You ready to wait?”

His wings stiffened behind him, then drooped so lowly they seemed to disappear into the backseat. He looked at you from the corner of one tawny eye.

“Yeah.”

For the first hour, you honestly enjoyed yourself. As soon as Keigo accepted his fate, he got much closer to his usual mellow self. You finished off cold fries from dinner, listened to true crime podcasts on your phone, (you listened- he talked over the whole thing) and played a few ruthless games of hangman on a couple of napkins you found in the glove compartment.

You’d spent a lot of time with Hawks in a professional capacity. As partners, you took most of your missions together. You were well-versed in the way that he liked to think, the way he approached a job, a conversation. You worked well with each other and you were drawn to his quick wit and laid-back humour. Even if he was a piece of work at times, you made a strong team. But you didn’t do a whole lot of hanging out.

“Okay, that’s it,” he chided as you added an extravagant top hat to the completed, dressed hangman scrawled onto the inside fold of your last napkin. The word he’d failed to guess was ‘patience,’ and the irony of his struggling was not lost on you.

“Aw, c’mon,” you protested. “You’ve still got gloves and a bow tie left.”

“No, no, no.” He held up a palm, shaking his head. There was a good-natured grin curling his lip as he bowed toward the door. “I’m callin’ it. I gotta take a leak.”

You snatched your soda cup from the drink holder, clutching it protectively against your chest.

“You’re not going in here.”

Next, it was Hawks’ turn to shoot you a deadpan stare.

“How about in the woods? Is that allowed?”

Your cheeks went hot. “It’s pretty dark out there.”

“Aw.” Hawks shoved the door open. There was an unfamiliar glint to his eye as he tossed a mischievous look over his shoulder. “Guess you won’t be able to sneak a peek, then.”

You slammed your fist into his back. “Shut up and go take a piss.”  

As the car door clicked shut, you turned the other way out of sheer habit. All you could see in the opposite window was the reflection of your own face. Maybe it was just the dim light, but you looked exhausted. Keigo had seen you caked in blood, streaked by mud and soot before. But you’d both been awake since four o’clock that morning and there was a special kind of ugly feeling that came with overtiredness.

You were dreaming about the first thing you’d do when you got home again when Hawks climbed back into the car. He looked considerably brighter as he ducked inside, and he brought a flush of rich, earthy forest-smell along with him.

“Don’t tell me you couldn’t find it in the cold out there,” you quipped. Payback.

But Keigo just chuckled, shaking his head.

“Close the door,” you whined as the frigid air from outside finally reached your bare arms. “It’s already cold enough in here.”

“Aw,” he crooned, tugging the door shut behind him. “You scared of a little cold now, kid? It’s not so bad out there. Feel.”

He lunged at you, ducking rapidly to rub his frigid cheek against your shoulder. You let out a terse yelp and squirmed, trying to shove him back amid a sea of chilled giggles. He got a few passes of his icy skin on yours before you both realized how close you’d gotten.

Hawks cleared his throat and scooted away from you. In the bare light from the shitty overhead lamp, you were starting to see the outline of a flush creeping into his cheeks.

The light abruptly went out, leaving you in darkness again.

“Tell me something,” he mused, grabbing for the abandoned takeout bag and digging a hand into it. He produced a tiny wrapped square and tore it open with his teeth, removing the folded alcohol wipe from inside and gliding it with impossible grace over his fingertips. He eyed you sideways.

“How come we don’t hang out more?”

Your chest went cold. You’d been dreading that question all night. Longer than that, even.

“What d’you mean?” It was a gut response, but you instantly kicked yourself for even attempting to play dumb.

“You know,” he chided, dumping the wipe back into the paper bag once he was finished with it. “We work. We do interviews together. We do those bullshit PR functions together. I’ve known you- what, two years? And we’ve never even been for a drink. What gives, kid? Don’t tell me I grate on you.”

“I get plenty of you on company time,” you retorted. You were starting to panic. You weren’t ready for this conversation, but it didn’t seem like you were going to be rescued by the timely arrival of the tow truck.

“Okay, okay, I’d take that,” he laughed, “if you hadn’t agreed to take this mission with me. C’mon, this wasn’t exactly a nine-to-five gig.”

He paused. “Come out with me this weekend.” He nudged your shoulder with a bony elbow. You tried your best not to snap.

“Stop,” you pressed quietly. “You know why we don’t.”

The smirk slipped from Keigo’s face.

“What? Why?”

“Don’t make me say it.”

“Wait a second, there’s an actual reason? What the hell is it?”

The confusion was genuine on his face. Hawks could be a smarmy little shit when he wanted to be. But you could tell he wasn’t fucking with you.

“Oh my god.” The words slipped out like a deep breath. Your hand drifted to your mouth as cold shock ran over your skin. “You really don’t remember.”

“No.” His confusion was bordered with fear. He sat back a little, letting his eyes drift over your expression. “No, I really don’t.”

You swallowed hard. You should have known that you’d have to talk about this eventually. But he didn’t even remember the night that had been changing the way you acted around him for nearly a year.

“Last Christmas,” you began. Your breath was so short that it put a desperate hush to your voice that you absolutely hated. You revelled in your ability to act casual around him, but the more probing he got, the harder that composure was slipping.

“At the agency gala. You remember the party, right?”

Hawks rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, and I got trashed.” He paused. Realization dawned on his face, and he shot you the deepest, most sincere look of concern you’d ever seen. Even more sincere than the look that crossed his face when you got shot off the roof of a house and broke a rib.

He leaned forward.

“Did I do something?” He swept a palm over his mouth, fingertips dallying at his chin. You knew exactly how he felt in that moment. You’d been there before, too, realizing that you’d lost control. Blacked out. Understanding that you might have done something you were going to regret.

“You really don’t remember a thing?” It was your turn to be horrified. How could something that consumed your every thought stay so damned far from his?

His fingers were still curved around the point of his chin. He’d gone white, and he shook his head as his eyes cast down to his lap.

“You fucking kissed me, okay?” You snarled with a whip of frustration. “There was mistletoe and you kissed me under it and-and Christ, I can’t believe you.”

“What? What?” He demanded as his voice grew defensively sharp.

“I had no idea what you were gonna do. What you were gonna say, what was gonna change between us. I showed up to the agency the next morning and your hungover ass acted like nothing had ever happened.”

“Of course I did,” he defended, “I didn’t think anything did happen. Oh my God, did I really kiss you?” His wings were coming to life all of a sudden, bristling on either side of his seat. There was a dull whisp as one edge of them brushed against the window. They seemed to expand, along with his horror, to fill the entire car.

He pushed further. “Well, did you… did you want me to?”

You could see where his thoughts were taking him. The answer was an impossible dilemma. To lead him further down that path would not only be cruel, it would be untrue. But to tell him the truth- that you had wanted it- would be to shatter the fragile illusion of casual, platonic intimacy that you’d been building over the last two years.

You chewed your lower lip. Hard enough to hurt.

“Oh god, you didn’t,” he gasped. That was enough for you to lift your chin and shoot him a sudden, sad, pathetic little look.

“Jesus,” he gasped again, deeper this time. “You did.”

“Look,” you snapped. “I was never gonna say anything to you. I was never gonna push it. You didn’t feel that way and I knew that and I just wanted to work.”

He told you enough about his personal life as it was. Every date he swung in from on Monday morning, every Friday night he spent preening in the last hours of the workday hurt enough already. If you’d grown close, fallen harder, it would’ve become too much to bear.

“What do you mean, I didn’t feel that way? What way don’t I feel? How could you even know that?” He was beginning to raise his voice back at you and the adrenaline was pushing you way too far to listen.

“Because you never said a fucking word to me about that kiss! You pretended like it never even happened, Kei! What was I supposed to think!”

“If you’d asked me, you woulda known that I didn’t speak up ‘cause I didn’t remember a goddamn thing!” Keigo jammed a finger into his temple. His golden eyes flashed. He was so fucking hot when he was angry, but this was not a fight you ever wanted to have.

Luckily for you, he was having it without you.

“What do you want me to say to that?” He snarled. “Huh? What- you want me to tell you that I’m sorry for not having psychic powers? That I’m sorry I didn’t hire a mind-reader to tell me what the fuck was going on with you?”

He scrubbed his hands over his face. You were on the verge of tears.

“I-I never-“ you began, but Keigo beat you to the punch,

“You know, maybe I noticed that you were actin’ funny around me. And maybe I should’ve asked. But maybe if you ask yourself, and if you really, honestly give yourself the truest answer, you’d be able to admit that you knew how I felt about you. That you always knew.”

“Of course I knew!”

Your response echoed raw and deafening in the silence of the car. You’d lost your temper and shouted it at him with every decibel left in your breathless chest. Your fists were clenched atop your frigid thighs as you bent over in your seat, shivering. To your immense embarrassment, warm tears trickled down the sides of your nose.

He was right, after all. Every sideways smile he’d given you was just a little too broad to be friendly. Every time he caught you by the hand, he held it just a little too long. Every time he offered you the crook of his elbow at a stuffy charity gala and every time he poured you into a cab at the end of the night, he promised to take good care of you. Every time he looked at you at all it was with a depth that you had recognized, but never understood.

“But look at us, Kei. Look at what we do to each other.”

You sniffled, scrubbing tears off your cheeks with the heels of your hands. He reached for you, seeking to comfort, but his hands twitched midair and he drew back instead.

“Yeah,” he croaked. You tossed a glance in his direction. He looked more dejected than you’d seen him in a long time. He rested both hands on top of the wheel, the rest of his body sagging against the seat back.

“Except now I’ve told you,” you continued. “And now we both know, so everything’s fucked no matter what.”

You were met with silence. The truth was dawning on you. You hated to even consider it, but it felt like what needed to be done.

“When we get back to the city,” you started. Hawks interrupted you with a low rasp of your name.

“No, when we get back, I’m giving you my resignation.”

“Fuck, stop.”

Keigo lunged, grabbing you by the back of the neck and pulling you toward him. He rested his forehead against yours and closed his eyes. The warmth of his closeness weighed on you like a heavy quilt. You couldn’t even pretend not to be immensely comforted by affection from him.

“I’m not gonna let you do that, kid.”

You were both drawing deep breaths- slow, rolling gulps of air that matched over gradual time. You licked your lips, bracing your chilled palms on his shoulders. Your fingertips brushed the very edges of his feathered hair, dull and soft in the dark.

You’d talked each other down from bigger, badder edges before. But this one had sharp, jagged rocks waiting at the bottom. This one, you were going to have to jump from together.

“I can’t do this,” you pleaded. “I can’t keep myself away from you like this.”

“Don’t.” His voice was hushed and so achingly tender, like he couldn’t take the command himself.

“I can’t-“

“Then, don’t.”

He was firmer this time, and the pad of his thumb brushed the bottom of your lip. He pulled back just a hair, grazing the tip of his nose across yours. The heat of his breath puffed over your lips and his blonde eyelashes threatened to tickle your cheek.

He drew in a slow, calculated breath.

“Lemme kiss you. Lemme try again. I’m not gonna forget it this time, I swear.”

“Keigo, please.”

“Just lemme try. Just once. I’ll never ask you again, if you don’t want me to.” He pulled back the rest of the way and your body keened at the loss, but he looked deeply into your eyes. Deeply like he’d never been allowed to look before.

You licked your lips. Considered it for half a heartbeat. Then you gave a slow little nod.

“Okay.”

To your surprise, he didn’t lunge again. He took his time with you. He cupped your cheeks tenderly between his bare palms, memorizing the curve of your face. He stared, taking you in like this. At his mercy.

Finally, he leaned in and captured your mouth in a soft kiss, heartbreakingly loving. You responded eagerly, blossoming beneath his touch and bracing your hands on the broad plane of his chest. Your fingers curled in the fleece that lined his coat.

You kissed back with near-desperate urgency, shamelessly showing him how touch-starved you’d become. Dating was pointless when Keigo stole your whole heart every time you showed up to work.

The quiet press of his tongue had your jaw going slack in his hands. Your kiss went needy all at once, and he licked into your mouth with a hunger behind his movements that you never anticipated sensing from him.

You broke from him first, turning your cheek to him as your lungs burned. Your mouth was swollen, and you gasped greedily for whatever stale air lingered between you. He grabbed your chin and forced your eyes back to his.

His gaze was fearsome. Ravenous. You were powerless beneath it.

You combed your fingers through his hair like you’d always wanted to, settling your palm at the nape of his neck. Your own voice was nearly unrecognizable, nothing more than a feral growl.

“Get in the back.”

Hawks took one look at the narrow gap between his seat and yours and sat up, nudging the driver’s side door open. He climbed eagerly into the road and then back into the back seat, settling in the center with his legs and wings splayed wide.

Meanwhile, you took the opportunity to wiggle out of your boots and pants and slam dunk everything into the foothold of the passenger’s seat. You climbed over the center console in your underwear and settled into his lap.

Even though you had to bow your head against the cushioned ceiling, it was a holy sensation. Your thighs settled perfectly into the crooks of Keigo’s legs, and his hands slid so naturally over the curves of your hips. It was as if you’d done this before.

You kissed him again, using the weight of your newly boosted height to descend hard and loving against his lips. He grabbed you hard by the ass, drawing you smooth and tight against his hips.

“God,” he groaned eagerly into your mouth.

“You’re so. Fucking. Perfect,” you hissed back into his, and he squeezed you harder, breaking his lips from yours to trail a hungry path of kisses along the edge of your jaw. His scruff scratched at your chin just like you imagined it would. You loved him like this- trimmed, unshaven. The rougher, the better.

“Don’t say that,” he purred dangerously close to your ear. “You’ve seen me at my worst.”

You tried not to grin, remembering Keigo barfing over the balcony of the Plaza after one too many charity-benefit martinis. Keigo caked in ooze after cutting open that sludge villain from the inside. Keigo on the verge of tears, just a few minutes ago.

“I still think so,” you pressed, and he smiled against your cheek. His wings, tired and bruised but majestic as ever, stiffened proudly. They were capped firmly by the cramped space that surrounded you, but the feathers that spread across the back seat were sleek and graceful.

You dug your fingertips between his jacket and his t-shirt, feeling the warmth of his torso all over. He did his best to shrug it open, but the material was caught up on his wings- no getting it off now.

He wound his hands into the hem of his shirt and tugged it up for you. The skin you could feel by slipping your fingers underneath was all you were going to get.

Not that it mattered to you. It was far more than you’d let yourself so much as picture before. While you felt your way across his heated abdomen, he dipped his head to your pulse point. He scraped the points of his teeth across your tender flesh, making you sigh and shiver. He pressed a hand to the small of your back to keep you close and nibbled all the way down to your neckline, leaving a trail of tiny welts in his wake.

They would fade by morning. Tonight, the feeling was enough.

He glided smooth, tender fingers up your sides. You straightened, letting him wedge your long-sleeved t-shirt up around your shoulders. You had to bend even further and press your forehead awkwardly against his shoulder to wrench it off. Once he peeled the fabric over your head, you tossed it haphazardly toward the front seat. Keigo was already going to work on his fly.

The tender press of his erection had grown apparent by that point, stiff and needing down one thigh of his thick pants. You reached between your legs and palmed it indulgently. There was an answering throb of arousal in the pit of your belly as you felt the shape and thickness of it trapped against his body, and an even stronger one when his hips pressed into your touch and he gave a low rumble of approval.

“Don’t act so surprised,” he crooned. With his pants unfastened, and the bulk of his cock shifted to the stretchy pouch of his undershorts, he slid a fingertip down the plane of your belly and curled two graceful digits between your thighs.

“Are you wet for me yet?” He shot you a deep, lustful stare. You rocked your hips against his fingers, hopeless in resisting the pleasure he offered. Keigo nudged the crotch of your thong easily aside, dipping his middle finger against your slit.

He sucked a sharp breath through clenched teeth as you gave a simultaneous yelp of stimulation. When he looked up at you again, he bore a sly little grin. You’d seen it a thousand times before, but never with such desire. And never all for you.

“You’re drippin’, kid.” He arched his palm, slipping that finger slowly upward and easing it inside you. There was no stretch, but the sensation of intimacy- of being felt in such a way by those hands that you’d never dared to fantasize about- was intoxicating in its own right.

Keigo was, apparently, feeling it, too. His eyes were deeply lidded, glazed completely by his own desire. The tip of his cock had found its way over the waistband of his undershorts, weeping shiny precum against his stomach and the bottom of his shirt.

He curled a blunt fingertip inside you, massaging your tender front wall. The feeling rappelled up the column of your spine and brought deep trembles forward. It brought fresh handfuls of wet slick from your depths, gliding down his palm and between his fingers. He took the hints your body offered and rubbed faster, watching the way your expression morphed from desire to pleasure.

“Stop,” you hushed, leaning forward and pushing your lips to his. He drew his hand back from you immediately, settling it on your thigh. The wet little print it left against your skin wasn’t lost on you.

“Something wrong?”

“No,” you replied. “Just ready for you.”

He gave a low, loving little chuckle and shifted beneath you. “Can’t hold out any longer?”

You smiled into his hair. “Don’t want to.”

“Fair enough.” His smile was even, but the tug in his voice betrayed his fraying nerves. It thrilled you to know that you weren’t the only one putting way too much emotional stock in this. It was immensely validating to discover that he’d been anticipating it, too.

He wiggled and squirmed against the backseat, shucking his pants and underwear down over his thighs and letting his cock pop out. It bobbed against his stomach- thicker than you’d imagined- framed by a trimmed scruff of tawny hair that disappeared under his shirt.

“Fuck,” you sighed in spite of yourself.

“I know, right?” He rasped. He reached for you, cupping your jaw. He brought your forehead down to his, giving a weak laugh. “What the hell have we been waitin’ for?”

“We just needed the bottle episode to shove us together,” you giggled. “C’mon, we’re a walking trope right about now.”

“We’re about to become a different trope if you don’t let me fuck you.” It was his turn to play the desperate card. But the ache between your thighs had not dulled, even a little.

He wrapped his fingers around the base of his shaft and you lifted your hips. He gave the heated tip a playful little swipe along your slick slit, but his game backfired when both of you let out tight cries of sensation.

You rocked your hips forward, taking his tip eagerly inside. The sensation was toe-curling, made even better by the way he held you tightly against him, nosing at your ear and kissing any patch of skin he could reach.

He brought his free palm to your ass as soon as you were situated, helping you slide the rest of the way onto his cock. With your knees braced on either side of his lap and your feet pressed tightly against the front seat, you let him bottom out. And for a moment, you just sat there.

“Jesus,” Keigo sighed, lolling his head against the seat behind him. You still had your head deeply bowed, trapped in the space that seemed just an inch too tight.

“I…” Your thighs shuffled. Your hips gave a little squirm. It felt good, but it wasn’t enough. Keigo cracked an eye and lifted his chin, sensing a problem.

“What’s the matter?”

“I just…” Your cheeks went hot. You licked your lips. “I can’t move.”

His gaze cast downward, to the place where you were joined. He took in the press of your thighs, the curve of your neck. He snorted.

“No, you can’t. C’mere, kid, I gotcha.” He planted that palm on your ass again, drawing your hips forward and up, as far as you could take them. Your head and neck bowed with the rest of your back as he draped your upper body over his chest and held you tightly against him.

Then he planted his feet and gave one good, deep thrust. Your innards gave a jerk. Oh, fuck.

“That’s it,” you panted into his ear. He nodded tensely.

“Yeah?” He prompted. “That’s workin’ for ya? Alright, alright. We’ve got this, kid, c’mon. Lemme show you somethin’ good, okay?”

One thrust sent you spiralling. But the rhythm that he dove into- steady, tough, fluid- sent every nerve through your body into meltdown. You were entirely incapable of dealing with such pleasure, combined with the emotions that swirled through your lovestruck brain.

It felt as though you had been holding out needlessly for all this time. Like all the hurt and frustration and heartbreak you shed over him would be evaporated, now that you understood that he wanted you like this, too.

Like that was all there was. You, Hawks, and the free love you could now share.

“I’m n-not-“ Keigo stuttered, piping up after a series of breathless pants and airy groans, “n-not gonna last much longer, kid, you’re… really gonna make me feel it.”

“Yeah,” you breathed back. You looped your arms tightly around his neck, tilting your hips forward. You could feel the barest hint of stimulation when your clit brushed his belly, so you leaned into it- aching for your own release.

His rhythm doubled as the intensity of your pleasure spiked dangerously high, and when you gripped him hard and rocked your hips in time with his, there was a low, warning pull that echoed all the way up to your throat. You were close. Very close.

Your head dropped backward and Keigo leaned forward, drawing his mouth up the vulnerable column of your throat. He panted hard and heavy against your pulse point.

“That’s it, kid, that’s fuckin’ it, baby, oh, God, I’m g-gonna f-fucking… I- shit, I- can’t… fffuck!”

Keigo let a vicious roar tear from his throat as he reached his vibrant peak. His erratic thrusts brought you to a tight little climax, too, and you clung to him and whined and rode through the pleasure as he fucked madly up inside you, spurting messy shots of cum into your depths.

Gravity took hold of his pleasure, dripping it onto his shaft and pooling it in a sloppy mess between you. And when it was all finally over, you collapsed against his body and you both stayed, airless and spent, wrapped tightly around one another.

It was the bright flash of headlights on the back of his neck that brought you to the surface, moments later.

The inside of the car was warm and stuffy and damp. Had you just come in from outside, you might have realized that it reeked of sex. Sweat and breath and fluid and feeling. The windows were near-opaque, fogged by the dampness of your lovemaking.

It was a moment you might have loved to capture, if you weren’t about to be so rudely interrupted.

The light in your rear windshield was bright white and flashing orange. Unmistakable.

“The tow truck,” you wheezed, scrambling off of Keigo’s lap. “Oh, fuck.”

“Get dressed,” he muttered weakly, already scrambling to get himself cleaned up and decent. He was far more dressed than you were, so you did your best to climb back into the passenger’s seat and slide back into your own clothes. You banged your shin hard on the center console, and your head on the ceiling as your body flailed in retaliation. You crumpled into the front seat and nearly kneed yourself in the mouth trying to scramble back into your pants.

By the time you climbed out of the car, fully dressed, with a few additional bruises, Hawks was already standing on the shoulder, talking to the driver. The driver was wagering a few guesses on what might be wrong with the car. Hawks’ eyes had already glazed over.

“Hey,” he greeted, as he spotted you emerging over his shoulder. He introduced you quietly to the driver before the ballcap-wearing, bearded man spoke again.

“Yeah,” he gruffed, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’ll give you a lift to garage nearby. It’s kinda late, but he keeps weird hours. I bet he’ll take a look for you, it’s prob’ly an easy fix.”

“That sounds great,” you gushed, clasping your palms together. There was a lot of stiffness settling in around your hips and thighs. You couldn’t be sure if it was a result of the compromising position you’d nearly been discovered in or the whole lot of not moving you’d done for hours before that.

Either way, it felt good to stretch your legs.

“You c’n go ahead and hop in the back,” the driver directed, waving the key that Keigo had apparently already given him in indication. “I’ll get you hooked up, no problem.”

Keigo opened the truck door for you, and you climbed over the passenger’s seat into the back. He followed closely behind you, tugging the door shut and slouching into the opposite side.

You sat in silence; hands clasped between your knees. A confusing air settled between you.

You felt vulnerable and raw and moony. You wanted to hold his hand and curl up to him in the back seat. Kiss his cheeks and tell him how good it was, tell him how much you felt.

For you, though, it could never be that simple. There was no free love for heroes like you.

Pay later, always.

Keigo felt the weight of your gaze. He turned to meet your eyes and shot you a thin smile. You’d seen the look that he’d turned to hide from you, though.

The truck driver climbed into the front seat before words could pass between you. But you didn’t need to hear them to know what they were going to be.

You didn’t need a warning to understand what Monday morning at the agency was going to look like.

[thefanficmonster]

will you do an oompaville x reader.? like maybe one where you’re at a wedding with him and he asks you to dance.?

Omg an oompaville request!!! I'm so grateful dear! Thank you so much for your lovely request, please enjoy the one-shot 🥰

Perfect Sync

Pairing: Oompaville (Caleb) x Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: None

Genre: FLUFF, RPF (Real Person Fic)

There are certain pros and cons to being so distanced from your extended family. And I mean DISTANCED, in all capitals. I actually live in a completely different state on the completely opposite side of the US and yet I still somehow got an invitation to my cousin's wedding. To be fair, it's not that surprising, seeing as how she's the only cousin I have comprehendible memories with from my childhood. She's a really sweet girl - no, woman - and it kinda sucks that we haven't had the chance to catch up in so long.

Among the many other cons is the fact that I don't know a single person at this wedding. Not. A. Single. Person. Sure, there have been several elderly and middle aged couples who've approached me, claiming they know me and given me a huge hug, asking me how my parents were doing. Speaking of my parents, they are a pair of sneaks who avoided coming to the wedding themselves saying they were stuck with a stomach virus while they're actually vacationing in Canada. How wonderful of them, don't you think?

They are chilling in Canada and I'm over here boiling and sweating over my third, possibly forth glass of champagne of the evening, not to mention the wedding hasn't even properly started yet. Count on me switching to whiskey when it does.

Sitting at the table I was pointed to upon arrival, I let my gaze skim over the immense garden decorated with beautiful flowers, fairy lights and handmade décor pieces. Each table and bar is under a white tent, just like the one I’m currently sitting under. It’s a beautiful sight and I can only imagine it’s only gonna get even prettier when the sun finally sets completely and all these fairy lights come on. That’s one of the few good things about my attendance at this event today. The ‘good’ things have been so little in number I can probably count them on the fingers of one hand: 1.I briefly saw and chatted with my cousin who was practically trembling out of excitement, anxiety and happiness. Good for her; 2. I’ve downed so many drinks that would probably cost me a fortune at a club or bar and I’m decently buzzed. Very cool; 3. I made friends with one of the bridesmaids because I had time to kill - turns out she wanted to be at this wedding as much as me: not at all; 4. I caught a whiff of the dinner which was still being cooked and damn am I excited about it; 5. The garden is absolutely breathtaking and it’s a sight worth sticking around for. See, as I said, few enough good things to be able to count them on the fingers of one hand.

And what about that cute guy from earlier?, my subconsciousness nudges me teasingly, causing me to almost evidently roll my eyes.

The hot guy being referred to right now is the one I damn near ran over when I was pulling up to this fancy estate. In my defense, I’m still getting used to the rental car I got when I landed in Texas two days ago, and plus he came out of literally nowhere. Luckily, he wasn’t mean or upset about it, took it quite lightly which was relieving and surprising. 

Not gonna lie though, he was really cute.

I see the people all over the garden hurriedly take a seat when it gets announced that the newly weds are about to have their first dance. I cross my legs, finishing the champagne in one go before I can focus my attention on the lovely couple that’s just stepped out of the mansion-like house and onto the soft grass of the lawn, slowly making their way towards the center where they’re supposed to have the dance - aka where everyone will be dancing afterwards too.

Everyone but me, I’ll be busy chilling by the bar, hopefully in the company of that bridesmaid who I can crack jokes with without feeling guilty.

The two dance in perfect sync, their movements almost mesmerizing to the human eye. I’m no professional dancer but I don’t have two left feet either, yet I’m still amazed by this perfection before me. I bet all the cash I took with me from New York - which is a lot, I expected to spend a lot - that they’ve practiced this more than once. Or at least I hope they have as to make me feel better about my own skills - or the lack thereof.

“I take it you’re a lot less dangerous when you’re not behind the wheel.“ A quiet comment emerges next to my ear, loud enough for me to hear but hushed as to not disturb the couple nor the mob of people watching them in awe.

My eyebrows shoot up. I’ve maybe heard that voice only once before but that teasing tone made me blush like mad earlier and that’s hard to forget. I have a hard time forgetting embarrassment.

Biting my lip, I slowly turn to face him, “I can’t guarantee, there are plenty of sharp objects around after all.“

There’s that same wide smile I saw earlier when my entire life flashed before my eyes. His probably did too but unlike me, he didn’t show it. “Some luck I have sitting next to you then.“ He chuckles, handing me a glass of whiskey. I take it hesitantly, giving him a suspiciously raised eyebrow. “You look like you could use one.“ He shrugs, taking a sip of his own. When my expression doesn’t change and I don’t make a move to ingest the beverage, he rolls his eyes, “Yeah I’m someone you’re seeing for the second time in your life, and yeah you might think I could want revenge for my nearly damaged health, but I don’t. And if you don’t want the whiskey...” he reaches to take it back but I quickly put it up to my lips and take a long sip, causing him to smile. “There you go!”

Oh boy does the taste of whiskey hit different after sipping on champagne for hours. I nod to him in gratitude. “Thanks, I strongly appreciate this.”

He nods back, his smile now a smaller one but still preserving the same amount of joy as when it was a full-blown grin, “I’m Caleb, by the way.”

“Y/N, nice to meet you.“ I reply, feeling the tension in my shoulders easing and the embarrassed blush fading. This guy just has such a chill aura, it’s nice being in his company. Hell, I’ll even go as far as to say if I simply had to almost hit someone with my car today, I’m glad it was him.

As more and more people emerge from their seats, heading hand in hand to the dancefloor to join the newlyweds, I finish my whiskey and am contemplating on going to get myself another but before I can decide, Caleb arises from his seat as well. He takes a stand in front of me, offering me his hand, “Well, there’s very little damage you can do you me out on the dancefloor, right?” He chuckles when he sees he’s made me blush again - third time today, damn it - but then he assumes a more serious facial expression, his smile never faltering though, “Care to accompany me for a dance, Y/N?”

I pretend to think the offer over, weighing my options and its pros and cons when in reality I dam near accepted the same second he asked. “Hmm, ok...“ I say finally, resting my hand in his, “That is, if you promise not to step on my feet. These are some expensive shoes I’m wearing.“

He lets out a genuine laugh as he leads us to the dancefloor, one that I’ll admit is hella contagious, “Says the person who almost ran my ass over earlier. Am I not expensive, huh?”

I give him a confused look, hiding fits of laughter, “I don’t know, Caleb. Are you?”

He shakes his head, “Nah, best offer you’d get for me on Craigslist is like, a dollar? Two if you’re lucky.”

And that’s all it takes to break the dam holding back my laughter, sending me in fits of giggles as we start dancing. My laughter ends just as quickly as it starts though when I realize how in-sync our dancing is. Perfectly synchronized. 

Huh, wonder why, that annoying voice pokes at my peace again. But I don’t let it get to me. Not now at least. I’m just gonna enjoy this moment, dancing with a practical stranger, gazing into his warm and welcoming eyes.

Suddenly I need another hand to count the good things about this wedding since I have to add three new points: 6. Almost hitting Caleb with my car; 7. Officially meeting Caleb; 8. Dancing with him.

Dancing with him in perfect sync

Oh, shut it, I don’t wanna start blushing again.

[andraaste]

I am not your enemy - Lance fanfiction part 17

This is finally chapter 17 ! I'm so sorry for the wait and hope you enjoy it !! Good summer to all of you 🌴🐉

Chapter 17 : I’ll personally take care of making him understand that you belong to me

- Ophelia !

I opened my eyes sharply.

Stretched out full length on the mattress, my back sticking unpleasantly to the fabric of my top, I stared at the black ceiling to come to my senses, my jerky breathing breaking the serene silence of the night.

What the hell was going on ?

My heart rate pounding wildly, I felt like I had run a marathon as my chest heaved with frenzy as the images of this incomprehensible dream circled in my head.

Spear.

It was him, I was sure. I had seen him, his face so young, evolving through different scenes from his past. Seeing him like that had confused me. Proud, playful, oblivious to his surroundings, he was a whole different person from the one I knew now. But ... I had also known him that way. Strange as it may sound, Lance had been my first support when I arrived at HQ. The rest of the story was unfortunately only inglorious.

Especially when I thought back to my buried feelings.

Except that this dream, was it really one ? The little girl had conjured up the deepest memories of the last of the dragons, but what did that mean ? And above all, why ?

My gaze was caught by something that seemed to escape my parted lips. My eyes widened, I watched in amazement as tiny ice crystals smeared the air around the edge of my mouth. When I realized what this implied, my breathing quickened again and very soon, I thought I recognized the light cold breath that the dragon had made me experience a few days earlier.

No, it wasn’t possible.

I shouldn't be able to develop Lance's powers without his presence ... right ?

Straightening up on my bed, I was leaning on my right arm when a strange sensation took hold of me. Slowly lifting my sleeve over my shoulder, I was speechless when I saw the dragon's familiar icy welts as he let them roam my body. Except that for that, we had always needed a physical contact, it was the very reason which had made us discover this phenomenon.

Fascinated, I let my fingers run over the thin blue lines that cornered my skin. I had the strange sensation of feeling him brush against my arm.

My hand immediately tightened on my flesh when something came back to me.

That night, when I had been in his memories, if that had really been the case, Lance and I had brushed against each other in the Crystal Room. By the time our arms had made contact, I was sure the young man had reacted, seeming to be looking for me without actually being able to see me.

But how could he have felt me ​​physically if what I had seen were memories, moreover of which I wasn’t a part ? Raising my arm to my face, I felt the adrenaline slow down. I had to leave these questions hanging.

At least until daybreak.

*

As soon as the sun shines, I got up to take a shower, hoping to chase away even a few moments the images of those dreams that had haunted me all the rest of the night. I finally didn’t manage to fall asleep again and it was with more than deep circles that I headed for the shared showers.

As soon as I left my room, I was surprised to find a very early-morning Nevra who was also visibly leaving his den, his door being a few meters away from mine.

When he saw me, the vampire raised his eyebrows in surprise before giving me a slight mocking smile.

- I know one who didn't sleep very well.

Great. I rubbed a hand over my tired eyes, hoping to regain my composure.

- Not so much, indeed. Is it showing that much ?

- Well, not that you look less in shape than usual, that would be complicated, but you seem rather tired yes, he said to me without being able to hold back a laugh at my annoyed expression. But you still look very pretty, don't worry.

Already ready to give him a bloody answer, his last sentence stopped me in my tracks. Damn but what an idiot, why did I feel my cheeks blush ?

Locking my door, I remained resolutely turned towards the wooden door in order to hide my dismay.

- I see that I can count on you to reassure me, in any case, I say while feigning indifference.

I heard his laughter echo between us once again.

- You know I'm a trustworthy person.

Without realizing it, I began to smile in turn. I loved the rare moments in which he forgot his cold mask of the right arm of the Sparkling.

- By the way ... he began, his gaze suddenly fleeing, seeming to hesitate on how he was going to phrase the rest. Have you been better since the other night ? I worried a lot, I didn't understand what happened. Eweleïn only told me that she already knew about it and that she was monitoring your condition closely.

- Oh, yes ... I'm so sorry for what happened and I hope I didn't cause you too much trouble. But I think I’ve nothing left. I wanted to thank you for taking care of me, I don't know what ...

- Don't talk nonsense, he cut me off. Maybe I was stupid to you, but I certainly wasn't going to leave you like this.

Running a hand through his hair, I saw concern grow on his face, so often marble.

- And I don't want to sound intrusive, but you'll have to explain to me what happened. I’ve never seen anything like it happen.

His eye, similar in color to mine, observed me so intently that I couldn't bring myself to lie to him.

- Okay, I'll explain it to you, I whispered. Just give me a little time.

- Good, he smiles at me before recovering quickly. With all this, I was almost going to fail in my task. Huang Hua would like you to attend the next Sparkling meeting.

I stared at him for several seconds, not knowing how to react.

- Huang Hua wants to send me on a mission ?

His lips twitched slightly.

- I can’t tell you more at the moment, but I don’t hide from you that it doesn’t enchant me very much considering what happened to you the last time we saw each other.

- Nevra…

I no longer knew on which foot to dance with him. Since our discussion, I had the impression that a lot of things had changed between us but I didn’t know how to perceive them.

- The meeting will take place in an hour in the Council room, don't be late.

The vampire dismissed me without giving me time to answer anything.

Excited at the prospect of potentially taking part in a future mission, I showered in fourth gear, almost forgetting what had happened that night. But it was the lump in my stomach that I knocked on the front door that I had only borrowed a few times.

Opening the door cautiously, I entered the majestic room. I could not restrain my gaze from browsing the large tree which stood proudly between these walls, the immense window which overlooked the gardens of the HQ or the immense prostrate table in the center of the room. I hadn’t often had the opportunity to enter here, but each time I was amazed by what was hiding there.

It was mind blowing.

It was only after my little inspection of the premises that I became aware of the people already here. Facing the large window, Huang Hua stood erect, arms crossed, staring into space. Her tanned skin bathed in natural light caught my gaze of admiration as her fine features turned to me as I reached the bottom of the stairs. Her warm gaze relaxed me immediately.

- Andraste, there you are ! she said to me with a smile of genuine astonishment. Unfortunately I haven't had the opportunity to see you lately, how are you ? I’ve been kept informed of your condition…

I stood stunned for a few seconds at the warmth and sincerity I could read in her at that moment. Since when hadn't I seen her like that ?

- It's going much better, thank you. If that's any reassurance, my back seems perfectly healed. Well, for now, I added with a wry laugh.

Until my wings decide once again to do what they want, I hear.

- You see me delighted, I hope we can discuss a little more calmly later, you and me.

Pointing me to the seats, she added :

- Please sit down.

Let my gaze slide over the people seated in front of the huge table. Surprisingly, I recognized Leiftan, Mathieu and Koori very close to me. I wasn't the only guest, which relieved me. I also like almost all of the Sparkling members.

All except two of them, who were visibly missing.

Pulling the first seat I could find, I settled myself between the kitsune and Chrome. The big wolf smile fills my whole field of vision.

- Hi Andraste! You're going to attend your first Sparkling reunion, I'm super happy, he said while pointing out his canines.

My smile widens automatically in the face of his good humor.

- Hi Chrome, I'm happy too ! But still a little stressed, I won't hide it from you.

- Don't worry, everything will be fine.

The large door opened again, letting in the two missing limbs. My heart raced even more when the two men sat down in front of me.

- Perfect. Lance, Nevra, we were just waiting for you to begin, Huang Hua announced. As you know, several strange phenomena have occurred in recent months, the barrier between Earth and Eldarya has never been thinner. Several people have reported to us the sudden appearance of a building in the middle of the lands of Genkaku.

Without understanding why, I felt Koori tense up at hearing that name.

- Andraste, Nevra told me about an important point.

The vampire spoke in turn.

- Seven years ago, you told me about very tall human buildings in which people lived or worked. Heum...

- Are you talking about buildings ? I stopped him. Are you saying that a building has appeared on Eldarya ?

I couldn't believe my ears, it wasn't possible. How could a building have landed here ? What if people were inside ?

Mathieu and I gave each other a horrified look. It really didn't bode well.

- Exactly, he concluded. Nothing like this has ever been reported between our two worlds but we have to make sure that it’s indeed a human building. That's why we would need Mathieu and you to go there. Obviously, you’ll be accompanied by other members of the Guard.

Turning to the kitsune, Nevra added :

- Koori, we’ll also need your presence. You’re the only one here who knows the lands of Genkaku.

- Yes, I understand. You can count on me...

The face of the leader of the Sparkling clouded with a compassionate expression.

- I'm sorry to ask you this, I know it won't be easy for you, but we can only count on your presence to guide them in these lands.

- I know Huang Hua. There’s no problem, I’ll accompany you.

- As far as Tenjin is concerned, we'll have to be careful, Lance continued. He’s bound to learn for our coming and we will probably not be welcome.

When the dragon spoke, everyone seemed to be listening to him with some form of respect. I was fascinated by the presence that saw him unconsciously.

It had been two days since the dragon and I had seen each other, the latter being too busy with the upcoming mission departure and his duties as Chief of the Guard. I hadn't had a chance to tell him about my dream, and actually didn't even know whether to tell him about it or not. Knowing him here made me nervous and hearing his voice made my stomach contract. The last time we saw each other was in his bed…

Red rose to my cheeks once again when his gaze brushed mine. I couldn't tear myself away from him for several seconds.

- Lance is right, Tenjin is our main obstacle to getting to the kitsune lands of Genkaku, the vampire said. He's unstable and is very likely to come after us when he sees Koori. That’s why I’m accompanying you as well. It’s rare that we send multiple Guard Chiefs, but this mission’s likely to be more perilous than the usual ones.

Turning to the aengel in his turn, he added, his face suddenly darker :

- I hope we can count on you. You are an outstanding navigator and your abilities have been proven to us more than once. Finally, if you want to stop your « redemption ».

Leiftan clenched his teeth at this last remark, the tension was most palpable between the two men.

- Nevra, we already talked about this. If you have things to settle with Leiftan, it’ll be within the framework of the private one, said Huang Hua.

- You can count on my presence, but I’ll not use my powers, it’s my only condition.

Nevra was about to reply when the fenghuang stopped him with a wave of her hand.

- Perfect, if everyone agrees, the team for this mission will therefore consist of Nevra, Lance, Koori, Mathieu, Leiftan and Andraste. An objection ?

- None, replied Huang Chu. I hope you’ll come back with some new human study topics, that's all I'm asking.

When the meeting is over, the assembly leaves the room in turn. As I was about to climb the stairs to the exit, the delicate and warm hand of the ancient phoenix grabbed my wrist.

- Andraste, can I talk to you for a moment ?

I nodded while stopping my run.

- Eweleïn kept me informed of your physical and mental state. Do you feel like doing this mission ?

- I think so. To tell the truth, I start to circle around the HQ aimlessly. It’ll do me good to feel really useful and to change horizons, even though I know it won't be easy and even dangerous. I’ve practiced a lot and I manage to reuse my powers a bit, not like before, but they are there. Perhaps, in case of real necessity, they will manifest themselves normally. At least I hope so.

A soft smile lit up her face.

- Very well, I count on you to take care of you and to come back to us safe and sound. Unfortunately, Mathieu and you are the only people able to tell us more about this building, I’ve no choice but to send you there with your agreement, of course.

Plunging into her reassuring gaze, I had the fleeting impression of finding the Huang Hua that I knew.

- There’s nothing to worry about. Anyway, I'll be well surrounded, I’ve nothing to fear, I said with a smile.

As I closed the door to the Council Chamber behind me, I lost myself in thoughts of this last exchange. Huang Hua confused me without knowing why. Lifting my head, I fell on Lance who seemed to have been waiting for me. With his arms crossed, he pulled himself away from the wall he was leaning against to walk slowly towards me.

- You're not going to be able to get to Genkaku like that.

Puzzled, I raised an eyebrow.

- Can you light my lantern ?

As he approached dangerously, my whole body tensed in anticipation of what he planned to do. I was no longer in control of myself in his presence and that irritated me.

Unexpectedly, he grabbed my arm firmly and turned me around to rest my back against his chest. His lips caressed my ear in his deep voice.

- You are not sufficiently trained in combat and you are far too pretty for Tenjin not to try to keep you to himself. I don’t like it.

- And how do you plan to fix it ? I questioned him, my breath suddenly more choppy.

- Since I can't force you to stay at the HQ, I think I'll have to train you for combat. I'm going to be pretty busy, but I'll find time for your training.

Slowly letting go of my arm, he added :

- For the rest, I’ll personally take care of making him understand that you belong to me.

(Chapter 18)

[calaofnoldor]

Dean, Don’t

Characters: Sam x F!Reader, Dean

Words: 1,906

Summary: You’re heavily pregnant and highly irritable. Luckily, Sam Winchester is the sweetest moose to ever moose.

Warnings: pregnancy (and all its related symptoms), ill-fated attempt at humor, disgustingly sweet fluff (seriously, you’re gonna need a tooth brush)

A/N: this might be my first ever attempt at this genre, so please don’t judge me too harshly :)

MASTERLIST

“Wow… geez, you look ready to-“

“Dean,” Sam shot his brother a warning glance as he guided you into the kitchen, a giant palm held gently against your aching lower back, “Don’t.”

Dean quickly raised his hands and the gesture, together with his wide eyes, seemed to say ‘I wasn’t gonna say anything!’, although you knew that was far from the truth. In fact, you knew exactly what he was thinking because you’d been thinking it too – every hour of every day. It was safe to say you really didn’t need any reminders of your current condition.

“Y/N’s already having a rough time with the twins keeping her up all night, and she’s been extra sore lately,” your moose came to your rescue as always. Sam had been doing that a lot recently, not only by shielding you from Dean’s crude comments (and consequently protecting Dean from your wrath as well), but also by comforting and distracting you from the woes of your third trimester.

“Well at least it’ll be over soon, right?” Dean tried again.

“Not soon enough,” you grumbled in reply, before attempting to stretch out your spine with an unfiltered groan of discomfort.

“Aaand, that’s my cue to leave!” Dean announced, grabbing his plate of bacon to go and sauntering off, though not before sending his little brother an exaggerated ‘good-luck-with-that’ expression.

Sam rolled his eyes despite feeling somewhat relieved by his brother’s departure, then turned back to you. “Come on, baby. Let’s get you off your feet.” He wore a sweet sympathetic smile; it was one he had been donning often as of late, but it only worsened your mood.

“Sam, I’m fine. I can’t be constantly sitting or lying down!” You barked irritably, but when you noticed the sad puppy dog look on your boyfriend’s face, your attitude instantly withered.

“Look, I’m sorry. I just hate this so much.” Your fingers began to massage your temples as your mouth continued to utter the words that took you beyond the point of no return, “I’m a hunter, you know? I’m supposed to be able to take down monsters with the swing of my machete! I used to be able to roundhouse kick those inhuman bastards when I wanted to, and now I can’t even put my own socks on!” That much was true. Sam had helped you with your socks earlier that morning.

“And sometimes you being so overprotective only makes me feel more useless,” you added with a defeated huff.

Sam waited patiently until he was certain your little tirade was over. “I know exactly what you’re capable of, Y/N; you never have to remind me. And I can guarantee that you will still be able to do all those things… after you’ve given birth to our beautiful babies, and your body recovers from this drastic change it’s endured.”

He moved closer to you and extended one hand to caress the side of your face, while the other splayed across your immensely swollen stomach. “But baby, right now, at 39 weeks pregnant with twins, you’re not supposed to be able to do all that. I wouldn’t want you to be doing all that,” he chuckled lightly with the afterthought as he pictured your heavily expectant form attempting one of your famous round house kicks.

You raised a brow at him, knowing how his mind worked, and he immediately sobered, “Y/N, my point is you don’t realize how incredibly strong you are already, even without all the pregnant kung fu fighting you seem to be so keen on.”

Although you were tempted to roll your eyes at his teasing, the boyish grin he cast you couldn’t be resisted, and the corners of your lips begrudgingly lifted. But a sudden lurch in your belly wiped the smile promptly from your features.

“Oh,” you breathed in a gasp, placing your hands upon the area of assault.

“What? What is it?” Sam questioned worriedly, as he too moved both his hands to your baby bump. His eyes flickered frantically between your face and stomach, trying to read the situation for himself.

“Nothing, just a really strong kick, I think,” was your reply after a pause. You looked up at him with what you hoped was a reassuring smile. He returned it with a certain tinge of apprehension, so you grabbed his hand and placed it where one of your wayward twins was moving erratically within you.

No matter how many times Sam felt it, he couldn’t help but beam with pride and elation at the thought of his children growing stronger each day, and the fact that you were the one fostering their development made him truly believe he was the luckiest man alive in that moment.

“Wow, I guess they’re really ready to come out, huh?”

“Maybe,” you mused, “Or maybe they’ll choose to torture me for another week. I’m not getting my hopes up.”

Still fondling your belly with one hand, Sam used his other to turn your face towards his. “I am really sorry that you’re hurting. I wish I could make it stop.” He said it with such sincerity, you were almost inclined to forgive him. Almost.

“I would say ‘it’s not your fault’, but it kinda is,” came your playful response, which happily earned you a loving kiss.

When his lips left yours, you continued, “Also, as if the fact that two of your swimmers managed to make it to my eggs wasn’t enough, did you really have to make both of them Winchester-sized too?” You motioned vaguely to the wide expanse of your front side.

Sam said nothing, but rewarded you with a hearty laugh and a second kiss.

Later that day, as you sat snuggled between Sam’s lengthy and outstretched limbs on the bed, the two of you absent-mindedly watched an old classic movie play out on the television. His lips grazed your hairline every few minutes and his hands rubbed incessant circles on your extended stomach.

“How do you know our babies will be beautiful?” You questioned Sam abruptly, your eyes never leaving the screen.

His chest rumbled with a deep chortle that resonated through your back and caused you to smile in turn. “Well, they’ve got you for a mother, don’t they?”

“Psh! You forgot to mention that they’ve also got a father who looks like he was sculpted by the Greek gods! But that’s not the point; genetics is based on chance.” You craned your neck to look him in the eyes.

“Fine. I just have a feeling then, OK?” Sam shut you up with a quick kiss to the lips and you of course assented.

“Do you still think they’re going to be girls?”

“I hope so,” he replied with a pensive smile.

You studied his elegant features for a minute before feeling a smirk form on your own face. “Well too bad, they’re both boys.”

“What? How do you know?” Sam’s brow furrowed in that way you always thought made him look unbelievably adorable, especially for a man of his stature.

“I just have a feeling, OK?” You quoted back at him. “They call it mother’s intuition.”

Sam’s grin returned and you couldn’t remember feeling better in the past month. Dean hadn’t disturbed you all day since the incident in the kitchen, and the support of Sam’s solid torso pressed against your back seemed to be alleviating some of the strain from your body.

But alas, nothing is ever what it seems when you’re living with the Winchesters. A sudden splash of fluid upon the sheets interrupted your scarce and apparently fleeting moment of peace.

It took you a moment to register the wetness between your legs, although Sam was already one step ahead of you. “DEAN!” he hollered towards the hall.

“Sam, I think my water just broke,” you told him in a slight trance.

“Yeah, I know, baby. Come on, let’s get you cleaned up and changed.” Sam’s voice was soothing and you began to follow his lead, slowly rising to your feet as he supported you from behind.

Just then, Dean came barreling in, brandishing his gun as his eyes searched frantically for any potential sources of peril. His green gaze turned befuddled upon finding no clear cause for distress.

“Dean, go get the Impala ready. Y/N’s in labor.” Sam’s voice held that composed and assertive edge which it often did when he took the lead on hunts. You would have found it awfully attractive under different circumstances.

As it were, a fresh contraction tore through you when you reached the dresser, and you were forced to bend over to weather the impact, your breathing becoming a little uneven. Sam’s arms were instantly around you, while the sight of your hunched and gravid form awoke Dean from his stupor.

He cleared his throat and his voice seemed a little gruffer than usual, “Uh, OK. Right. So… the bags? What do I need?”

“I’ll get the bags. Just get the damn car ready, Dean.”

Still the older Winchester stood transfixed in his spot, his eyes were somewhat unfocused. “Wow. So this is really happening…”

“Dean!”

“Yeah! On it! Got it! Uh… fight the fairies, Y/N! We got this.” And with that, he finally took off for the garage.

You couldn’t help but giggle to yourself, “He’s right, you know? This is really happening.”

Sam turned around and held your gaze with such reverence and fondness, you nearly melted right then. “I know,” he stated simply, before he crashed his lips to yours in a rushed yet zealous smooch.

“Ow! Yeah, OK, I think the twins are sick of our antics already,” you gushed through gritted teeth as another tightening of your middle took over.

Sam cupped your stomach gingerly on either side, as if he could somehow abate the pain with his touch. “Right, let’s hurry it up then. I think all that soreness you felt before and the twins’ heightened movement might’ve been a sign of early labor.”

“You’re such a nerd, you know that?”

He only responded with knowing smirk, then continued to help you get changed so he could usher you out the door.

Dean met you outside, where he stood by the shiny black car, looking a little more prepared for action than earlier. “You guys good?”

“Yeah, are you?” Sam asked, a bit dubiously.

“Hey, I’m ready to get this show on the road!”

“Am I gonna fit?” You eyed the Impala with slight apprehension. You had always been a fan of the classic car before, but now that Sam had fertilized you so thoroughly, the backseat seemed a lot more daunting.

“Of course, my girl can handle anything. She’ll get you to the hospital in no time so that you can have my nieces.”

“Nephews,” you corrected, but nodded anyway and allowed Sam to help you inside the vehicle.

The boys stood outside for a moment longer. “You alright, Sammy?”

Sam was glowing and Dean couldn’t have repressed the surge of love and pride that rose within him if he tried, despite his ‘no chick flick moments’ rule.

“Yeah, I’ve never been better, Dean.”

“Speak for yourself, asshole!” You would later blame the contraction for your foul language, but it was your shouting through the window that ultimately got you on the road.

“Yeah alright, we’re going! Just don’t be having any babies in my Baby!”

“Dean,” Sam’s bitch face revealed itself once more, “Don’t.”

→ CARRY ON

A/N #2: thank you so much for reading! btw, if any of you sam girls wanna show off your love for the giant adorkable moose man, there’s a ‘sammy the moose’ print now available at lexicolor.redbubble.com!

also available in various styles, as well as on mugs, notebooks, phone cases, and a bunch of other stuff! and if you’re more of a dean girl, i got you covered too 😉❤️

[helnjk]

In a Crowd of Thousands - Epilogue // F.W.

Fred Weasley x fem!reader

Word count: 844

Summary: You never really forget your childhood love. For Princess Y/N of Diagon, hers came in the form of a boy whose dream it was to start a business and support his family. As it goes, life–and her duty to her kingdom–had gotten in the way. She longed to see him again, to see the success she was sure he had achieved. Luckily, fate was on her side.

Warnings: some insecurity and doubt, but overall fluffy! 

A/N: just something short and sweet to end this mini series. thank you to everyone who’s read and commented on the previous parts, you guys make my day :’) 

Prologue | Part 1 | Part 2

A nervous sort of energy buzzed around the castle. It was coronation day and there were still so many things to get done. Meals were to be made, corners were to be dusted, and princesses were to be prepared. 

Y/N was stood at the center of her room, arms held up and still as a seamstress fluttered around fixing last minute details of her dress. 

Minerva stood to the side, watching as her young ward was fitted to be the next Queen. The woman in front of her was a far stretch from the spitfire of a young girl she had the opportunity to help raise, and she couldn’t be more proud of the princess. Her eyes might have been watery as she looked on, but no one needed to know that extra detail. 

The princess let out a sigh of relief once the seamstress deemed her fit to be seen by the public and bowed before making her leave. For a moment, she let herself admire how perfectly the gown fit on her body, eyes scanning over her reflection. She took a deep breath. This was it. 

“You look breathtaking, dear,” Minnie smiled at her, appearing behind her in the mirror and smoothing out a few creases on the fabric, “I have no doubt in my mind that you are ready for this, and I am filled with immense pride and joy to see how much you’ve grown.”

Y/N bit her lip, trying to contain the flurry of emotions swirling inside her. Her expression said everything and Minerva knew what it had meant. 

A gentle pat and a soft kiss on the cheek came from her governess as she said, “I will leave you be for now. I’m sure there are others who would like to see their soon-to-be Queen before her coronation.” 

For a moment, Y/N was left alone to her thoughts and the room was a quiet relief from the hustle and bustle of the palace. She took deep breaths, willing herself to calm down and focus. This was the moment she had been dreaming of since she was a little girl, and she would be damned if she let her emotions get the better of herself. 

A soft knock on the door broke her out of her thoughts. She heard the creak of the door opening and turned to see who had come. 

“Alright, love?” 

Fred Weasley leant against the doorframe, wearing the same smug smile that she had seen many times before. She could not be more elated to see his familiar face. 

“You don’t know how relieved I am to see you,” she gushed, lip trembling. 

Her voice wavered slightly as she spoke and Fred’s expression immediately softened. In a flash, he had strode across the room and closed the distance between them. 

The immediate comfort she felt as she was wrapped in his arms was a welcome comfort. It was reflex by now for her arms to wind themselves around his torso and to grip him as tightly as he could. Even in a swirl of excitement and tension, Fred was an anchor that kept her grounded. 

They stood there, rocking gently from side to side, long enough for Y/N to slow her breathing and gather her thoughts. 

“D’you want to talk about it?” he asked, slowly peeling away from her grip to look her in the eyes. 

“Just nervous,” she admitted, “I don’t want to let anyone down. I don’t want to let you down.” 

“I don’t think you could ever let me down.” 

“I’m being serious, Fred.” 

“So am I!” 

Their eyes locked in a stalemate, both of them too strong willed and hard headed to back down. Fred’s expression, though, was softer and gentler than hers, and he made the executive decision to stand down. Instead of arguing further, he took her hand in his and brought them to sit down at the couch in the center of the room. 

“Love, you know how hard you’ve worked leading up to today and your people know that too. I wish you could hear what they’re saying in town! Everyone is so excited to have you as their Queen,” he said, brushing a few stray hairs from her face. 

She leaned into his touch, eyes fluttering shut, “I know, I’m just overthinking things. I know I can do this.” 

“You can absolutely do this.” 

Fred’s words were punctuated by a gentle press of his lips on hers. Y/N couldn’t help but melt into it, becoming soft and pliant in his arms, letting the kiss tell him how much she felt for him. There was no other place she felt as safe and as loved as she did in his arms, and she hoped that he felt the same way about her. 

When the knock on her door finally came, telling her that the people were ready for her, Y/N was more than ready to face her kingdom. As long as she had Fred by her side, she could do anything.

Series Taglist: @prismarts​ @snoopydoop1​ @the-romanian-is-bae​ @demoiselle-en-detresse00 @manuosorioh @daltonacademia​​​

General taglist: @expectoevans​ @george-fabian-weasley​ @gxthsanrio @slytherinscribbles​ @harpyloon​ @nuttytani​ @mesmerisedangel​ @amourtentiaa​ @just-here-to-escape-from-reality​ @lumos-barnes​ @cherryweasleys​ @writingsomewrongs​ @the-unmanaged-mischief​ @mrzweasley​ @inglourious-imagines​ @pr3ttysw33t​ @amrtxntias​ @miraclesoflove @thatlonelyalto​​

Weasley twins taglist: @pineapplesandpinas​ @papapapadumb​ @a-castle-of--glass​ @hey-there-angels​ @leovaldez37 @pinkypurplemagic​ @werewolfslut​ @surprizeshawtyy​ @oldschoolkiddo​ @gcdricreads​ @turtletaylor98​ @secret-obsessions​ @weaslxyss​ @serendiipty​ @nojamsonmytoast​ @famdomhideout​ @georgeweasley19​ @asuperconfusedgirl​ @loonylovegood13​ @lumielikesbooks​ @nanahachikyuu​ @le-weasley-simp​ @xmalfoyweasleyx​ @freds-slut​ @theweasleytwinsgirl​ @ghost3rr @littlemisswitt​ @astoria-malfcy​ @weasleysprofessionalhoe​ @freddie-weaselbee​ @daydreamgirl8​ @jubilee-the-flying-dragon-pirate​

[misslilli]

Welcome to Miss Scully's classroom 🤓

Felix Felicis

MSR. AU. PG-13. | tagging @today-in-fic | AO3

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11

Chapter 12 - A Rainbow In It's Natural Habitat

[ FM ]

The weekend passes quickly in a blur of household chores, runs along the beach and unpacking the last of the boxes in our basement. Before long, I find myself back at the school to drop off Felix and hoping against hope for seeing a certain someone I can’t stop thinking about.

I check my phone for new messages when a classroom door opens and there she is, stepping outside, on the phone and with a frown on her face. I can only see her profile from where I’m standing and would it be totally ridiculous if I started to write poetry about the way her nose curves inward just the tiniest bit before the tip? ‘Yes, you need to be checked for head injuries, man, this is beyond ridiculous!’

“No, it’s totally fine, I understand. Tell him to feel better, okay? I’ll figure something out, don’t worry!” She sighs after she hangs up, rubbing her forehead exasperatedly. As if she senses my eyes on her, she turns to look at me. “Hi! Mr. Mulder right? Um… I’m in a bit of a situation here and I was wondering if you could help me out… please?” I’d give her the moon in a basket with a bow on it, if she asked – hell, I’d give her the whole damn milky way! Stars, planets andworm holes! But she doesn’t know that.

I see the hand with her phone in it shake slightly and her intake of breath is just a bit louder than normal when I step up to her. Could it be because of me? No, don’t flatter yourself. Maybe? No. Shit, you still haven’t answered her question.

“Yeah sure, what can I do?” Relief washes over her face.

“I asked a parent to help out this morning with our reading-centers but her kid is sick with the flu, so she won’t be able to make it. Do you think you have time to help? It’ll only take an hour, 90 minutes tops, I promise!” If she had been nervous before, it had quickly dissipated, her professional side taking over.

“Of course I can, I still owe you for being the knightess in shining armor for Felix last week, remember?” At that, her lips curve into a smile. ‘Yes! Took you long enough.’

“You’re absolutely right, I almost forgot my selfless good deed as Knightess of the Injured Children. Remind me to let you fill out an IOU next time! Come on in.” You both chuckle while she walks into the classroom in front of me and my hand itches to land on the small of her back to guide her inside. ‘Don’t touch her, don’t touch her, donttouchherdonttouchherdonttouchher! Send help.’

24 curious pairs of eyes stare at me when I’m inside and Miss Scully is bombarded with questions about who I am and what I’m doing here. She just shakes her head and points me to a small table in a corner with two chairs, instructing me to sit in one while the kids come to me one after another to read to me. I’m immensely relieved I don’t have to stand up in front of the classroom and actually teachthem stuff, because that would scare me shitless.

I look down at my hands as she moves to stand in front of the classroom because I don’t trust myself not to stare at her ass in that black pencil skirt. Also, and more importantly, I don’t trust the kids not to notice and ask her why that strange man is staring at it. And I’m sure they will. Notice. And ask. So until she’s in front, I stare intently at my hands. Then I look around at the kids.

I notice that most of them quiet down when their teacher takes her stance in front of them, safe for a boy in the back (it’s always the ones in the back), who’s still talking to his neighbor. I expect her to call him out on his behavior, maybe to raise her voice just a little and I feel a bit sorry for him already. Teachers in my school always raised their voice at the smallest misbehavior.

Instead, I find her just looking straight at him with a calm look on her face. Huh? Then I notice subtle changes in her body language. First, she shifts her weight onto one leg, her eyes never leaving the talkative boy. Then, she purses her lips ever so slightly. Some of the other kids are starting to catch on, turning their attention to the boy.

Next, her eyebrow goes up, just one, and I find myself hoping that I’ll never be on the receiving end of that look.

I send a silent prayer to the God I don’t believe in to make the kid shut up already.

When he still doesn’t and all the other kids are looking at him, she crosses her arms in front of her chest. Finally, the boy he’s talking to catches on as well and puts a finger to his mouth, pointing to the front of the classroom. The culprit looks in the direction in which his neighbor points and immediately shuts up.

‘Okay, here it comes. Oh no. Bet you’ll wish you would’ve been quiet right away, now buddy.’

“Thank you, Charlie. Alright, now that we’re all ready to get started, good morning kids!” ‘What? That’s it?’

“Good morning, Miss Scully!,” they reply in unison. I’m just sitting here like an idiot, awestruck. How in the world did this work? What a magic trick!

“Alright, as you’ve all noticed, we have a guest here today. This is Mr. Mulder and you’ll get to read to him when we’re doing reading centers this morning.” I feel a little uncomfortable under the stares of the children, but they all greet me with a smattering of Hi’s and Hello, Mr.Mulder. “Who can tell me what our expectations are when we have guests in our classroom?” A little girl raises her hand.

“Respect and best behavior. Oh and no running in the classroom” Miss Scully nods and proceeds to giving them instructions on the other centers. Soon, she sends a girl to my desk and the lesson is on its way.

While I listen to the fourth graders read, I see her walking around the classroom in my peripheral vision, helping out kids whenever they need her assistance and I’m reminded again how different it is to my own days in school.

After the lesson, the kids return to their desks and eat their snacks and I make my way over to Miss Scully’s desk. She stands and smiles at me gratefully – Yes! “Thank you so much, Mr. Mulder, you’ve been a great help and the kids loved you!” ‘Can YOU love me? Please?’

“Aah it was fun, no problem. That was awesome, by the way, the thing you did before the lesson? How did you do that? When I was in school and behaved this way, I really had it coming!”

She just smiles enigmatically and shrugs her shoulders. “A magician never reveals his tricks, Mr. Mulder. But I can tell you a secret: Yelling at kids to get them to listen is a rookie mistake. Don’t tell the Magician’s Guild I said that, though.” I laugh and shake her hand goodbye, kind of disappointed that I have to get going.

“Well, as a fellow magician I can appreciate that. Goodbye, Miss Scully.”

“Bye Mr. Mulder. Kids?”

I walk out the door to their Goodbyes and smile to myself. Off to a good start.

[thelionshymnal]

2021 Creator's Self-Love Extravaganza

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 favorite works (fics, art, edits, etc.) you’ve created this year and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you’ve brought into the world in 2021. If you don’t have five published works, that’s fine! Include ideas/drafts/whatever you like that you’ve worked on/thought about, and talk a little about them instead! Remember, this is all about self-love and positive enthusiasm, so fuck the rules if you need to. Have fun, and tag as many fellow creators as you like so they can share the love! <3

If you click a link MIND THE TAGS, if it's not for you back the hell out! (: Some of them are very kink heavy or squick inducing so take care!

Year's total: 162k words! 25 fics posted!

1. like sleep to the freezing [explicit, ffvii, cloud/reno, 24k] I am cheating a little because this is technically a series! :D But I really love it. I wrote a shit ton for this pairing this year and I've immensely enjoyed exploring their relationship, but I think this series is especially dear to me. I've got a joke I wrote a year ago I'm looking forward to including in the final installment, and considering how fucked up these two get, it's nice to lean into the softer moments of an (early stage) established relationship.

2. give me life and give me love (fill up the whole damn cup) [explicit, khr, gokudera/tsuna, 4.5k] Every khr fic I write makes me unbelievably happy. I've loved this series for a long time and it's only recently I've felt like I can write for it the way I always wanted. & there's so much range in this world, y'know? This one is TYL!timeline, which is a whole different angle to write this pairing from and it was a joy to do so.

3. my mind is an endless sea [teen, gi, ganyu/beidou, 4.1k] Ohhh I don't even know! I started this because of a scene idea that I didn't even include, and I just...it surprised me a bit, and I absolutely love what came about. Something I adore about this pairing is how generous they are with each other, starry eyed and yet so grounded. Plus! I've always had a weakness for epistolary, so even though there are only a few letters in here I was LIVING!!

4. feeling like i'm due for an explosion [explicit, gi, ganyu/beidou, 6.2k] Listen. When you've had Ganyu falling asleep and snoring herself awake on screen during idle moments as often as I have YOU START TO GET IDEAS. I've been super nervous about writing porn for these two for some reason, so it took effort for me to get this written and posted but I'm grateful I did. This fic is pure filth and established relationship, a combo that is one of my favorite things to write. I'm so relieved I finally managed to make this idea a reality haha!

5. wolves of the revolution [explicit, ffvii, cloud/reno, 12.5k] Sometimes I get a kick out of how ideas develop and that's true for this fic - I was looking over kinktober prompts and one was "ceremonial sex." My brain had some fun hop scotching its way through ideas, & then once I figured out a premise that I could work with? The drive to figure out if I could do it and HOW was so refreshing and exciting that I hyper focused straight through this bitch. DEFINITELY got posted before october haha. But I'm seriously happy with what I pulled off tbh especially since I never imagined myself writing anything like this. Hell, I survived tw fandom without ever dipping my toes into this kink pool!!

& now to tag: @....fuck it, tag yourselves if you see this and you want to partake. have fun <3

[caxsthetic]

Lost to Pride

Miya Atsumu x F!Reader

Sometimes, people let the person they loves to slipped between their fingers without noticing it.

Part 1 > Pt. 2

Gymnasium already felt like your second home by now, no matter where it is. It was energetic and majestic, being here just made you feel alive. But here, you have another job to do rather than just enjoying your school volleyball's team playing on the court.

The roar of Miya Atsumu's fans always made you feel tired. It's not that you were jealous of how one person could be loved by a lot of people, but it was the fact that you need to make them quiet down when Atsumu's serve, or else, it will be their own nightmare.

"Hey, I am sorry," You called out to some of them who had been cheering non-stop. Atsumu was going to serve since he's already walking to take his formation. But those girls just won't quiet down, "Please silence."

They finally turned to look at you, jolted when they could sense the immense aura radiating from your body. It was scary even though you were smiling to them with your eyes closed, looking like an innocent girl, but nothing scream innocent from how deadly you look now,

"Now, don't make a sound when Tsumu does his serve, okay?" You patted their shoulders with the same unreadable smile, "If you still do that, well," Your eyes opened to see them, sending an intense glare, "I wouldn't let you set foot in Inarizaki stands ever again."

They nodded stiffly and only focused on the court, now without emitting a single sound from their lips. You could calm down and enjoy their match now, without being afraid one of the fangirls ruined his moment.

"S-She's terrifying."

"I know right? Who is she?"

"What?! You don't know her?"

"She's Atsumu's girlfriend!"

"Damn, she's really in the same league."

Just like your boyfriend, you were well known outside of your school. You have been best friends with the twins since junior high, and somehow, you become their guardian angel and the ultimate weapon to set them apart if their bickering became too much.

"You know? I think I never want you to be out of my life," It was so sudden, the three of you were just walking home together after practise, "What do you think about me, (Y/n)?"

"Huh?" You were confused with the questions, "Hmm.. Since you asked, then. You are annoying, sarcastic, stubborn-"

"Hey hey hey! That's not what I wanted to hear from you!"

"Lying prick, scoundrel-" Atsumu clamped your mouth with his palm. You were surprised by it and gave him a glare, resulting in him to stick out his tongue at you playfully. So you decided to do the same and lick his palm even though you were grossed out by it.

"Ew, what the fuck!" He groaned and wiped his palm to your uniform, "Why are you so mean to me?! You never do this to Samu!"

"Well, because Samu never pulled something like that on me. Right, Samu?" The other twin nodded and kept eating the onigiri that you made for him, "You regret saying you want me in your life forever, now?" You chuckled and hit Atsumu's arm with a lazy force,

"No," The answer caught you off guard, "I meant it, (Y/n)." It's not the words that made you shocked, but it's how his voice turned serious immediately, "Samu, go ahead. I want to talk to her."

Osamu stopped his eating and looked concerned for a split second. But then he just nodded and walked first. His eyes scanned your face for a while. When he didn't find any uncomfortable expression, he decided to leave you there with his twin brother.

"What did you want to talk to me about, Tsumu?" You tilted your head, acting so calmed outside while actually your heart has been thundering since he said that first sentence.

Atsumu just smiled, knowing exactly what's in your head. He knew you long enough to know when you felt flustered. The tinted pinkish hue on your cheek, how you try to break eye contact every few seconds, he could see right through you with just a single glance.

He leaned in slowly, testing the water with his eyes still scanning your face. You widen your eyes when he's getting closer and closer. Your hands still fall beside you, and the little gap in your lips made him sure that you, the girl that he always adores, might like him too.

So when you didn't push him away or yelled at him, he decided to close the gap between the two of you. He closed his eyes when his lips finally touched yours, and it made him relieved that you kissed him back within seconds.

Atsumu is known as someone who loves to fool around, having different girls every weekend. You knew about this, and you should have been wary by now. But when his lips touched yours, everything felt so right.

You always wanted to be the one he brought to his room, you wanted to be the one who he kissed. But you were always just to be a girl who stuck in his living room, talking with his twin brother, watched TV and turned the volume up. All because so you didn't have to hear what happened on the second floor.

So when he leaned down to kiss you, how could you say no to that. He cupped your face and kissed you passionately. Turning the soft first kiss to be heavenly. He pulled his kiss to grasp some air, smiling at you and kissed your cheek playfully.

"You are mine now." It's a demand, but you were not angry, because you know that's what you always wanted. Maybe, maybe you will be the last girl in his life. And here's hoping for you to be his forever.

For the entire match, you have been praying and thinking about what to cook to celebrate his winning today. It was like a reflex, thinking that they will always win. After all, it's still the second day of Nationals, they could push it and win the match.

But that's when you were wrong.

You couldn't believe your eyes as you saw the twins attack were blocked by the Karasuno freak duo. When the umpire whistled the blow, the only thing that ran into your mind was your boyfriend. A trait that was well known by the others was the fact that Miya Atsumu hated losing.

The others didn't have to call you, you knew that you were the ultimate back up plan to calm him down when Inarizaki lost. If even Kita couldn't handle him, then they need you to be there.

You texted Osamu that you were already in front of the changing room, knowing for sure that your boyfriend wouldn't open up his phone until later. Today's match was intense, both of the teams were hungry for victory. For you, today's match was already great for your team. After all, this will be just a mere memory tomorrow.

When you heard the door open, you immediately looked forward in hope to see your boyfriend. All of his teammates were piled up to go outside, they were all nodding at you with a faint smile on their faces. Even Kita looked upset for a second.

"He's inside," Osamu walked up to you with his calm expression, "Today's match hit a spot on his pride, please be careful." You nodded at this and thanked the grey-haired wing spiker.

What's dangerous from Miya Atsumu was his pride. It was something that sculpted him to be like the person he is today. All of the harsh words and snarked comments, it was because he really believes in his ability, and he felt superior by it.

You opened the door slowly, scanned the room to see your boyfriend standing in front of the mirror. His back was on you, but he could see your reflection through the mirror. He usually would turn his back immediately, putting his forehead on your shoulders as you stroked his hair.

But then his twin's words rang inside your head as he didn't even turn to look at you. He looked so tense, hands making a fist as his gaze hardened to his own reflection. You were worried for your boyfriend, so you took a little step towards him.

"Tsu-"

"What are you doing here?" He didn't raise his voice, but you could recognize the annoyance that was dripping on his voice. Something that he usually blurted to anyone else, but never at you, "Are you deaf?"

"W-What?" Miya Atsumu never gave you his vicious words before, so you were taken aback by it, "I am here for you of course, what else, Tsumu?"

Hearing that, he turned his head towards you. You immediately flinched and took a step backward when you saw the blazing look on his eyes. He walked up to you, and for the first time since you knew him, you were afraid.

"Oh? Here for me?" It's like he was surprised to hear that, "Why should you? I am fine, and it's not like your appearance could change the fact that I just lost." You didn't meant to make him feel bad, not at all,

"Tsumu, that's not my intent-"

"Tsumu this, Tsumu that! Why couldn't you just give me space for just a second?!" He was beyond frustrated, he knew what he did was wrong, pouring all of his frustration towards you, but he just couldn't stop, "You always act so clingy towards me, never once gave me a space!"

You felt guilty, you never meant to be like that. He never complained before, on the contrary, he usually complained if you didn't give him enough attention. You could only bite your lips. It will pass, he's just angry right now.

"Can't you understand what I've been telling you?" He leaned his face towards you, "Why the fuck that you still standing here?"

"Because I care for you, okay?!" You didn't want to lose from this battle. You wanted to show him that you were not there for yourself, you were there because you knew he would be enraged at everyone if you didn't calm him down.

"Well, news flash, (Y/n)." He gripped your wrist a little bit too tight, "I don't need you caring for me!"

"T-Tsumu, you didn't mean that," Your voice was like a whisper, you didn't even care how your wrist started to reddened, "You are just upset because of the event before," His eyes still not waver, he still looked at you like you were a nuisance, "You are great out there you know, you didn't even do any mistake, Tsu-"

"Oh, I think I made a mistake." He played flawlessly today, with the same passion that he always did, "You wanted to know what the mistake is?" Somehow, you knew you didn't want to hear it. It's like you could predict what the next word from his lips would be.

He lifted your hand in front of your face. Showing you how his grip on your wrist tightened, making you yelped, "This, us," You widened your eyes when he suddenly let go of your hand, slamming it to fall on your side, "Was a fucking mistake."

It was crazy how those words were enough to make your heart shattered. No, you didn't want to believe everything that he said. You knew he was just upset, "Tsumu, we could talk about this."

"Oh, come on! The second we shared our first kiss, the due date was already set on us," You knew him, he's just upset, "I just want you to be my girlfriend so all of those pigs would go away." You knew him, he's just upset, "Our relationship had a deadline, and now we're at it; what are you gonna do about it?"

You knew him, he's just upset.

But that doesn't mean he deserves to play with your heart like this.

"YOU ASKED ME WHAT I GONNA DO?!" You pushed him with all of your might. He was caught off guard, making him fall to the bench, "SO YOU TELL ME ALL OF THOSE CONFESSION WERE JUST A LIE?! YOU TELL ME ALL OF THOSE KISSES WAS NOTHING?!"

The door slammed, but both of you didn't even care to turned around,

"Yes! You are just someone that I used to dispel the pest away from me!" Tears were already brimming in your eyes, either it's because you were upset, or because he just stomped at your heart, you didn't even know anymore, "You were so naive that you think I would want to spend my whole life loving you!"

You bit your lips, you gave your love towards him for more than a year. But look where your love take you, cheek stained with tears in front of the man who wanted to keep you in his life forever, “You know what I am going to do?! I-”

Nothing prepared you to see someone punch the boy in front of you. You backed away immediately, cowering in front of the locker, sliding yourself to the ground as you put your arms around yourself. Your sight was blurry due to the immense tears that never stop. You didn't know what happened anymore, you just felt so lost all of a sudden.

Miya Atsumu was your first love, you gave everything to him. He owned your first kiss, he owned your first relationship, he even owned your first time. You didn't want to believe everything he said today, it was not him, he's not your Atsumu.

Suddenly, a hand helped you to stand up. You didn't have to open up your eyes to know who owned it. It belongs to none other than your boyfriend's twins. He rubbed your back calmly, glaring at his twin that was now having a nosebleed.

"Hey, Atsumu." You never called him that since forever, it gave the setter a foreign feeling somehow, "I made a mistake too," You turned your head towards him when you were already standing on the doorway, "That night, around fifteen months ago," He widened his eyes, knowing what are you going to say, "I wish I never kissed you back."

Miya Atsumu only looked at your drifting figure, he didn't even apologize for all of his harsh words. He was too prideful to admit that he was just ashamed to face you due to him losing from the school that wasn't even considered as a top school.

He was too prideful to even ask for your forgiveness and told you that it was just the demon inside of him who snapped at you. He wiped the blood away from his nose, banging his forehead on the locker as the realisation dawned on him.

He told you that all of these feelings for you were just a lie. That it's just one of his disastrous schemes. What a lie, an idiotic lie. He laughed bitterly all of a sudden, grabbing his bag that was dropped on the floor. If he met you, maybe he would apologize, maybe.

And again, he was too prideful for himself. You would be by his side again, after all, you were really in love with him. He didn't have to apologize, he was sure you still love him anyway.

No matter how many times he lied to you or canceled your date all of a sudden, you were always so understanding. Therefore, he believed that everything will be back like it used to be.

Blinded by his own pride, he just lost one person that ever truly loved him.

But he didn't even know it.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*     ༶•┈┈⛧┈♛ ♛┈⛧┈┈•༶    *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

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