#i am going to hold out hope that maybe
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Me: hmm, I think I'll try watching Elementary, I've heard it does Sherlock Holmes better than BBC Sherlock did, and I liked Sherlock until I read the originals and found them better, should be interesting.
Me, several episodes in: you know, I think what I've heard is right, there's several times where he's more similar to the BBC version than the Conan Donald version but this seems to be pretty faithful to the character, and the self contained episode plots instead of huge overarching ones is definitely more true to holmes and the original stories
Joan, at the end of episode 6: I know about Irene
Me: ............... GOD FUCKING DAMNIT
#theyre going to pull the same bullshit every holmes adaptation does arent they#every FUCKING TIME#i was HOPING that if they pulled her in at all#it would be because they decided to directly adapt a few of the originals#and it would be significantly more faithful than EVERY OTHER FUCKING ADAPTATION#and while that would be cool part of me hoped they wouldnt pull her at all#BUT NO#EVERY FUCKING TIME#this is 47 seconds from the end of the episode and a good chuxk of that 46 seconds is credits#so this is definitely coming up again and probably becoming an overarching plot#which means alomst certainly its the SAME FUCKING BULLSHIT#ONE FUCKING ADAPTATION#THATS ALL I WANT#ONE FUCKING ADAPTATION THAT EITHER DOES HER RIGHT OR LEAVES HER OUT#PLEASE#cbs elementary#elementary sherlock#sherlock holmes#i am going to hold out hope that maybe#MAYBE#it wont be as bad as most#ive really been likeing the show and how it does a modern sherlock#but honestly i doubt it#every fucking time
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I think Life series fandom could do more with the artificiality of the game world.
Can't remember what season they started doing it... LimLife, maybe? The world border has always been there, but for the past few Traffic Games it feels like there's a lot more intentionality behind the map they play in. Always plenty of blank canvas plains-like areas for easy building, a couple points of elevation to fight over and survey from, little to no "extreme" temperature biomes like jungles, deserts or any of the snowy biomes... Even natural spruce forests seem rarer in recent games— though a couple seasons had dark oak forests and SL had a decent patch of savanna iirc, so it's not totally devoid of variation.
And of course, there's the clusters of 3-4 obviously bonemealed exotic wood saplings, dotted all over the map regardless of biom, periodically replenished throughout the season.
Blatant builder enrichment right here ↓
(Images for illustration purposes. I was watching Bdubs' Ep 1 of Wild Life when this thought struck so excuse the lack of variety... I don't feel like going screenshot-hunting you all get what I mean.)
This is all to make things more streamlined on the CC's side— it's a timed series played in 3hr increments, it makes sense to give plenty of options to find an easy place to settle, collect resources, etc. And I assume the CCs have a bit of say in what biomes etc they'd prefer when a new season is being organised.
But from a lore perspective this has SO much potential! Especially given the popular "Watchers periodically yoink their 16-18 Silly Little Guys™ away from whatever they're doing, drop them into a terrarium, give it a little shake and watch them fight to the death" interpretation of the Life Series. People love to talk about how said Silly Guys are mentally/emotionally affected by this. So I think it'd be fun for fanworks to bring a little attention to the uncanny perfection of the terrarium itself.
...also I realise I'm probably a bit blinded by nostalgia for 3L. But I really feel like the maps of the early seasons were more unbalanced and "natural" somehow. Spruce and swamps and deserts and squabbling for resources, more potential for lucky spawns & creative uses of quirky terrain and I LIKED it!
Surely something could be done with the map becoming more tailored and "welcoming" to the players the more games they play, the more involved the gimmick is... Idk. Something about filing down the teeth and claws and random inconveniences of the world, season after season, to make sure the players are the ones actually tearing each other apart.
#i'm still holding out hope for a future season where the terrain is a major factor / part of the gimmick#Subzero Life where it's all cold biomes and the centre of the map is frozen peaks#Yo ho ho (a pirate's Life for me). the whole map is an ocean with very rare islands & shipwrecks are VERY desirable#regular-ass season But 25% Of The Map Is A Jungle Or Something#i don't know! i just want terrain to be more of a strategy point#traffic games#trafficblr#life series#life smp#life series meta#← is that a tag people use? idk#eMerambles#big old ramble. am not much of an artist or writer but this fandom has talent in spades so. go forth mine idea be free inspire someone mayb
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fuck it sk8 sketches from da sketchbook. get sk8ed idiot
#sk8 the infinity#kyan reki#hasegawa langa#renga#sure whatever. tagging ship is probably easier than explaining what the fucks up with these two in my head#hi. I watched sk8 with my friend cosme a while ago. I actually dont care about the allegations that much I just got#blasted with teenage years flashback. and now I need reki to have everything on earth and be well#these have been around for like a week lol Ive just been debating posting them to tumblr. bc like. Im not finishing these lol#hesitant to call sk8 ''therapeutic'' but boy oh boy. does it make me confront some stuff. yes a sport anime leave me alone!!!#its just. I think I was this way about raz too actually. listen I have History with Stuff. I'm allowed ok? I'm totally allowed#u can See it in some of these doodles actually. this fuckign anime got me so unwell#hey. if ur a fellow adhd potentials-havers out there. ur a real one. thanks for still hangin out doin what u love/ur best#if u were an 'if u wanna do art u have to be excellent and high-art at it otherwise it means nothing' kid. I am holding ur hand#I'll be normal now I prommy (lying)#well. what I'll be doing now is taking a nap. maybe. gods my schedule backslid like four hours again#eh whatever. I go to bed anyway. got my portion of the day done and tomorrow I go buy new knife#hope someone come give me a new table top and lower the whole thing a bit soon. so I can stop sitting like Im in a shopping cart#have a good night lads. have fun. its imperative
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Hey you!
Yeah, you!
Go to bed! The monster under there wants cuddles! It's been waiting all day for snuggle time! Get off your phone and get under those blankets!! >: O
#floofyrambles#self reminder#maybe if I yell at myself like I am holding out on cuddle time I will go to sleep zjsjsjss#one can only hope!!#counterpoint extra thought tho#you are on your phone and a hand snakes out from underneath your bed and grabs it#and throws said phone across the room#eldrich tantrum#you promised!!!!#SNUGGLES!!!!#How dare you ignore me for a little glowing box!!!#what a drama queen 😳
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recent itfs draws caption
#hina.txt#Spotify#audio#wallowing in itfs feelings w this on repeat currently#i never thought 2 associate denial w them . but now that i have it aches in a new way love tht fr me#i always felt it as framing a journey away from god as losing a friend n tentatively looking back maybe reaching out Changed#but fr them it is like. we have been through so much we r both hurt but there is always space fr u in my heart if youll have me#it could have been different but as things are i am still here for u#its not losing a loved one its holding on to one despite everything#which i guess is a bit counterintuitive 2 the title#but denial and hope go hand in hand at th end of the day . lyrics say so
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Discovered that two of the femme books I'd been wanting for a while (that JUST arrived) were written by femmes who actually live in my state. Is. Is there a secret femme lesbian society I'm not aware of??? And would you folks mind an eavesdropper???? I don't want to interrupt, I'd just love to take notes.
#archivist talk#also very glad i am putting a pause on book purchasing for fixing the subaru budget reasons#because since i posted those photos of my current collection for example#more than a dozen books have come in#and i'm still waiting on a couple more arrivals#a few of them are black lesbian anthologies i've had my eye on for quite a while so i'm really excited EEEEEEE#if i had $300-ish to spare i think i could probably clear out the niche on my book list that is black/southern usa/sapphic#i think wrapping up the rest of the femme collection might take $400-ish but god i am willing#the butch collection .... is gonna be a real doozy for a fat minute i need to find somewhere that even has copies of certain books to sell#which will also be hard because in my two years of looking i am still looking for books that i have never seen pop up#worst comes to worst i'm going to scout every bookstore in my area#maybe go through the whole state if i'm feeling plucky#and then definitely go to chicago because i love chicago and miss their bookstores#also i have found a few really good finds in chicago bookstores before so i hope my luck holds
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..
#sorry sorry I just woke up and im having yesterday-was-weird thought again#and they are going here so i don't have to talk to the person that they're um about yet#basically im glad that im in a good enough space now that um#someone ive ive had text-based sex with and uhhh sent an ill-advised video to in like oct when i was Feeling Bad™ and doing. hm. too much.#like 6 months post text-based sex/ill adised video now aha and we've not spoke at all since like january and that was 'how was hols'#they asked to meet up 'not for sex just as friends' or i forget exact wording but basically that#no-pressure museum not-a-date#and i said I'd think about it. because i am as everyone knows a fucking idiot.#basically im glad that im in a better place now than the last time someone like expressed an interest in me as a person#because while this did give me a day long wobble i didn't have a full weekend long actual panic about it#tho they are two v different situs#an ace poly friend asking to go out with me vs someone i uh virtually fucked aha um asking to meet up for (mostly) being-friends purposes#same several-hours-later 'oh god no what have i done bad bad bad no thank you actually no sorry i cant sorry' but less intense this time#but at least i only said ill think about it?#and not actually immediately said yes because it's nice to feel wanted#and then gone Maximum Regret™ because actually all of this is way too much i don't like it i don't want it thank you but im sorry no#weird. i guess i don't have such a high baseline stress level any more? since i'm not at uni n stuff#and someone over messages going no pressure you want to be irl friends (maybe fwb no pressure)? is um#is different. to someone irl going you want to go out acely? yeah? awesome lets hold hands here is the discord with a whole buncha people#i guess#but i am being equally aro-not-super-ace Autism™ about it aha#and i am. eventually. going to be like. thought about it and no sorry. eventually.#if they ask again#i am kinda hoping they'll leave it there and forget they asked so i don't have to navigate social stuff#im much better at navigating canals everybody leave me alone please thank you#(everybody over there leave me alone. y'know. you guys are fine.)
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Mental health shit is kicking my ass but at least I have my silly guys
#keese draws#eternal gales#oc art#oc#my birthday is in a few days btw wish me luck#I’m trying to be excited best I can but yknow#I’m hoping that my friends and family do a good job at distracting me from the horrors for all that#which I’m sure they will they do a great job at keeping me from losing my shit on days like that#we’re going to eat good food and play games and it’s going to be fun and I’ll be happy#just need to hold out and not freak out too much in the meantime lol#but yeah I’ve been considering tweaking a couple of the staliens antennae recently#hence the mason#but I’m not sure if I’ll commit#most of the cast has fairly distinct antennae from eachother with mason being the main problem child to me#if I was willing to draw more detailed antennae then I’d go absolutely ham with everyone’s antennae but I’m not so#I’m mostly thinking abt this because I drew odile as a stalien a few days ago and gave her some fancy antennae#in my minds eye her antennae are Huge and she uses the to help read carved languages#the actual main stalien cast have very normal not noteworthy antennae except for sorta beats but having two pairs isn’t even that uncommon#but admittedly I am half tempted to try giving one of them huge antennae simply because it’d be fun to draw#but none of them rly fit the bill for that except maybe butter but they already have long ass ears they don’t need both#I should rly go fill out everyone’s toyhouse bios at some point I did like two or three a few weeks ago then gave up#and I didn’t even do any of the staliens I think I just did aris and sier#I also need to fix their mini playlists I have on their profiles but that can wait#anyways I now need to do some fun 2 am cleaning I was supposed to do hours ago#I got distracted drawing
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crazy crazy like earth 42 miles was supposed to be spiderman but it bit 1610 miles instead and earth 42 miles became the prowler and his city’s in shit and on flames. like we could go into further analysis on this but im too busy losing my fucking mind
#them mirroring each other like you are what i should have been. fml#and im holding out hope…does this mean that maybe they wont kill 1610 miles dad off because 42 miles dad died and theres already an anomaly#going on there so 1610 jefferson can stay. or am i just stupid. because i dont want him to die ill lose it#atsv spoilers#across the spiderverse spoilers#extra tag just in case <-#z.txt
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thinking about guy who said that a day (while he was hanging out with me.) was wasted because it wasn't "productive" and when i objected, he said he doesnt consider building relationships to be productive. and i think we talked about it after and got to some kind of understanding about what was meant, but i don't remember that now, and we're not in touch anymore, and it's actually exactly because he did not value me, my time, or my effort.
anyway can u imagine ? guy was like big into acid and stuff . whenevr i took acid/shroomies, i usually came out of it thinking "man, other ppl are what make life worth living" & like i may be aroace+apl but bro... spending all day chatting with my awesome ppl is a day well spent.
#god i hope that guy sets himself on fire#i despise his entire deal#its irrational and self protective and self destructive all at the same time because some part of me is convinced i am still so emotional#abt it because there's smth i wont accept abt myself that reflects what he was like to me but like.....#idk. i guess it's another case of anger subbing for fear. fear of abandonment#because he said he'd be there for me and then he bailed. because me straightforwardly saying what i thought was too much? not soft enough?#he wanted me to hold his hand and walk him through his horrible little misogynist rants. and i was supposed to be there for him too so like#idk like if we had had more of a rapport maybe i would've had more patience with him. but i think he thought he had paid for it already and#im not actually like that.#well i guess like it was never going to work out it's worthless getting stuck on this again#it just makes me angry to think the is out there somewhere going around probably (???) thinking he is in the right when he obviously owes m#a fucking apology#guy i hate#<- organizational tag#/ᐠ 🝦 ﻌ 🝦マ#idk for all i know he's wracked by guilt#lmao sorry but i hope so.#because i am.#but im the one who Got Hurt. and i really did my best not to lash out but i guess i was passive aggressive maybe.#why can i not let this go? im really asking.#vent cw
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so i maaaaaay have fallen deep into spirk suddenly 👉👈 without warning i don't even know how i got here sent help
#havoc updates#no i am no kidding#no worries! this will pass though! i won't forget the other stuff i've been working on. this is just a pattern with me#did not predict this out of all things would happen though#it's not like i'm only now into this btw as i watched the show as a kid. grew up with it even though i had no media literacy at all#everything flew over my head. probably cus it's dialogue heavy and subtext wasn't even close to being in my vocabulary#it's just so strange tho cus it's not like i'm even THAT into it but the old man yaoi's now got me on a bit of a choke hold rn#like damn it! they easily fit in the dynamics i like with characters. they also just have such immaculate dialogue together. peak material#i yearn to write characters with that level of chemistry#also a part of my soul yearns to draw fanart but also like... what would i draw? just them holding hands?? maybe???#i mean... there's no harm in it but also i'm so shy about it atm -///- i've never drawn these two losers before and i'm nervous!!#also it just hit me that all my other interests are either games or animated and this is the only life action show out of them all#think i'm also unsure what to due cus it's been ages since i've touched the franchise as a whole and i'd have to do SO much catch up T-T#the most i remember is that i watched the stuff but not the nitty gritty. also my brain is a bit occupied hyperfocusing on another franchis#soooo yeah... that doesn't help at all. darn you brain! why can't you just hyperfocus on more than one thing at a time!#and why must you suddenly hyperfocus on one thing for a week or a whole month before going back to the same old ;-;#gosh. am blabbering so hard rn. my bad#no clue what this post even is#hope my incoherent ramblings were entertaining for those who read this far :D
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mistakes were made. should not have gone to library today. i will be leaving the house all five days of the week now (plus we went to a waterside on sunday for several hours) and uhm... i feel like i need to go hibernate for several weeks to feel even remotely okay again fhdkdl i am so tired i can barely think enough to string words together in any comprehendable way 🧍<- upset
#oohoohoo the self destructive ''well maybe I'll just push myself bc im going to be tired either way'' sure was a bad choice!#''lol who cares anymore im sick of being fatigued and im probably just making it up'' you are a fucking idiot god bless your soul#and yet.... the urge to Make It Worse is still so strong.... gee i sure do love p.mdd!#honest to god im so fucking frustrated w this brain lately#been trying to hide any sharps away from myself because I've just been so wildly careening into self destructive tendencies#and im sick of trying to like. control myself. i am my own keeper and im fucking sick of it gjfkdl#im trying so fucking hard to hold it together and keep myself on the right path but im really just incredibly tired#it feels like im trying to wrestle a knife out of a toddler's hand#and then the toddler cries and tantrums bc they wanted the knife#and i have nothing to give them to distract them. except im also the toddler.#idk how long i can keep this up for bc im ALSO managing other ppls emotions and baggage and shit at the centre#and over text. mainly that one person who i wish would just fucking leave me alone#but her grandma is literally on her deathbed so I can't rly try learning how to be firm rn#bc if i try to be firm i worry i will end up being a dick and i dont want to do that while she's struggling w pre-emptive grief#i don't know !!! im just so goddamn exhausted and struggling#and the world seems very cruel and terrifying and im honestly convinced im never going to find a way to exist peacefully in it#like im always going to be scared and struggle to trust ppl and struggle to socialize and feel safe anywhere#im going to be so honest. i wish i had One friend irl fhfkdl like. i think that would help a lot of my issues#to have someone i care about and respect and who actually cares about AND respects me back#and who i could just. be around. exist in the same vicinity. and not feel so scared and unsafe#a bit of a break from those constant feelings while not being isolated#who i could do activities with ???#thats actually so hard for me to imagine ever having ffhdjlsl its been so many years since I've had any semblance of that#it doesn't feel like im ever going to have that again :') it feels so impossible. pipe dream. unrealistic and unattainable#okay i need to shut up fhdksl sorry for being so insane on here every day jfc#one of these days i hope i will be genuinely stable for like... longer than a day fhfkdl#pippen needs 2nd breakfast#self harm mention
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people interacting w wgoin in my notes... this would be a rly bad time to say all my writing will probably be on hiatus for the indefinite future huh
#not like it makes a practical difference considering i only upload twice a year at best#but im realising how much my writing is shame motivated and its just not sustainable or healthy#it saddens me that these stories i invested So much time and effort into will probably never get finished#i wanna hold out hope that they will but#i dont want anyones expectations to be too high#bc knowing myself they probably wont#i started wgoin thinking that this would be the story i commit to finishing and not just abandon as soon as i get bored#but that was before i had really realised how my brain works#and for a while writing these chapters have felt very forced#gbgb had a much better run till it crashed and i was just unable to pick it back up#tbh that one could potentially still be saved bc of how open ended it is if i get any inspo for it back whatsoever#bc it had no strict plan i was entirely making it up as i go#and im realising thats how i write best. i tried to plan wgoin so id commit to finishing it but im realising that has the opposite effect#if i plan anything too thoroughly writing it becomes like gnawing on lead#cause i got all the dopamine out of the idea already#i write best when i have nothing but a vague idea or a vibe#gbgb crashed bc i ran out of vibes and ideas but if i find any again who knows#there is the possibility where i scrap the plan i had for wgoins entire plot and make the rest up as i go#which i might try purely bc i love the story sm#and i think i enjoyed writing it most back in the first three parts where i Was making it up as i went#which is why im saying indefinite hiatus instead of discontinued#bc there is hope for them. just not. much#so if u stick around maybe follow me on ao3 if u dont wanna see all my posts n just my stories#maybe in 3 years time youll see another wgoin notif or sumn#sorry to the small but dedicated handful of readers who really loved these fics#i wanted to write more for you guys bc ik its hard to find this kinda fic anywhere else; its why i started writing it#but i am but one unmedicated autist w severe adhd. we r working on the unmedicated part tho#ive learned so much abt how my brain functions now n how to make the most of it tho#i told myself id finish any new writing before i post it. so know anything new Will be complete :3#mischiefing time
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Just saw Joker described as a '2nd year' in the P5 Tactica information, which is gaaaaaaaaaaaaaah--
I swear, for a series with a message of moving forward, Persona (see: Atlus) sure loves to avoid moving forward. Never mind complaints about more P5 content -- I'm here for side games and returning character storylines -- they are keeping the Phantom Thieves stuck in a Peter Pan state.
Where is that willingness to move forward that came with the P4 Arena games? For the P3 and P4 kids? Man, just the P4G epilogue alone took us as far as Strikers did timeline-wise.
And speaking of Strikers, the sole actual sequel to P5? Evading or hiding half of the characters we'd be love to revisit, and generally dodging Royal's entire existence? Woof.
#don't mind me just salty that atlus keeps revisiting P5 YET REFUSES to close open threads or even acknowledge whole ass main characters#and just keeps doing these 'it might as well be a dream' games that feel like narrative bottle episodes#might I be completely off base and Tactica WILL add something new to the big picture? maybe. I'd love to be wrong.#I'm just getting worn out after half a decade of a slow burn tease that just keeps adding reasons to hold on with little to no payoff#hard to remain invested in a franchise when efforts to hold out hope OR let go and accept canon as it is could be undermined at any time#a lot akechi related BUT kasumi and the other thieves' royal-specific ambitions also apply. And all of the confidants I'd love to see again#What's going to happen to Morgana long term? Where will Ann end up? How will Ryuji's school transfer go?#What amazing new art might Yusuke make? What government is Futaba going to-- I mean uh what awesome career is she going to pursue?#What will Shinya look like a year out? Can I see Hifumi make a comeback? How's Mishima doing? Chihaya?#Can I see a Kawakami and Takumi NOT riddled with stress for a heartbeat? Some exploration of Jose???#And the PERSONA 4 CREW! I have been waiting for them to get their 'P3 in Arena' treatment for forever and I am TIRED OF WAITING ATLUS#persona 5 tactica spoliers#maybe delete later#depends how salty this looks to me in a better mood
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Hello :) what do you think about Thenamesh Actors AU where they shoot a scene and a stunt scene ends up badly and Gil gets hurt?
"Okay," Gil murmured as he tested the strength of his harness. "Ready?"
"I suppose so," Thena murmured next to him as they finished securing her own harness. They were getting ready for the big 'jump' shot. They had built the actual platforms on the soundstage and everything. Of course they weren't literal stories high, but they were higher than she really wanted to think about, if she was being honest.
"Hey," he said softly, nudging her with his elbow. "I've done these a million times before. You get pretty used to them after a while. It'll go great."
Thena smiled. She had leaned on his expertise in stunting so heavily for the project, and he had been nothing but warm and kind about it the whole way. "I've never done a 'jump' this big before."
"Well," he looked across the set to the other platform. "I'm making the jump first. And then I'll be waiting on the other side to catch you."
"Right," Thena nodded, also looking at the distance. She just had to think of it in terms of her character. She had more faith than Thena did in most things, after all. And she had faith in her husband over anything--that was a core element of her performance.
Gil matched her mindset, "he would never let her fall."
Thena nodded, breathing through the silly little stutter of her heart in her chest. Gil really was a great actor--a little too good, actually.
"Back to one!"
"Okay," he gave her elbow a squeeze, "I'll see you on the other side."
Thena took a few deep breaths, getting into character for the cut whether this was her shot or not. She nodded to him, already in the mind of the woman who had married him and was very literally riding or dying with him for the rest of the film.
"Action!"
"I'll go first," he recited the line, giving her hand a squeeze as he did. He looked out over the gap, taking a running leap before jumping off their side of it.
The harness was fine. It was the cable that broke.
"Gil!"
He gripped the end of it, but it slipped out of its pulley, sending him plummeting to the ground from nine feet up in the air. He hit fast and hard, his pain ringing out over the fans blowing and the rumbling of the platforms.
Thena clawed her way out of her harness, batting away the multiple sets of hands on her. She tossed it off of her, rushing down the stairs to where Gilgamesh had fallen. "Gil, are you okay?!"
"Fuck," he cursed as the medics turned him over, clutching his arm.
"Oh god," Thena gasped, tears already slipping down her cheeks. She barely registered pushing people out of the way so she could kneel down next to him. Her hand went to his cheek, "Gil, look at me."
He struggled to do so, but he did it. "Hey."
"Hey," she smiled through her sniffling. She looked up at the on-set medics. "What happened?"
"Cable snapped, he fell with his full weight on his arm."
Thena glared up at the director and producers, already making career saving calls. "Why the hell wasn't the mat there?!"
"That's what the harness is for-"
"And clearly he got hurt anyway!" she barked back at them, cradling Gil's head against her lap protectively.
"Thena, it's okay," he grumbled. He was clearly not okay.
"I'm sorry," she sniffed again, tucking her hair behind her ears as she looked down at him, "I'm sorry, you try to stay still."
Gil sighed as she laid his head on her thighs, stroking his hair as the medics stabilized his arm and pulled out a temporary sling. "This is really gonna fuck us up."
Thena tightened her hand on his good shoulder, "they're lucky I don't burn this place to the ground."
Gil chuckled, trying not to jostle his arm as he did. He looked up at his beautiful co-star with a smile. "I'm glad it was me and not you."
Thena sighed, shaking her head at him. "Can you be less sweet right now, please? I am trying to be angry."
"Well, be angry later," he remarked lightly as the painkillers the medics gave him started to kick in.
"Seems to be a clean break, they'll give him more stuff at the hospital," the medic said. "Ambulance is already on the way."
"Can she come with me?" Gil asked lightly, pointing up at Thena with his good hand, although the hand floated around a little.
"Sh," Thena whispered, taking the hand in hers and lowering it back down to his chest tenderly. "It's okay, Gil."
"Please?" he looked first at the medic - who didn't give a shit who went with him or not - and then at Thena. "I'd feel so much better if she did."
"We can't lose both our stars in one day!"
Thena glared up at the director again, "you broke his arm. I'm going to the hospital with him. And then I'll call our agents and see how the hell we're going to fix this mess!"
She would call both their agents, if they didn't already know. She would also have to call Sprite so she could meet them there, just in case it took a long time for Gil to be processed. And they had to go through the trouble of keeping his identity as quiet as possible so the studio could try and get on top of things-
"Hey."
Thena looked down at Gil, already half-loopy from the pain meds they'd given him. He had threaded their fingers together, but she wasn't about to tear her hand away if it was of any comfort to him.
"Don't leave me," he whispered up at her, "okay?"
Later she would remember it was technically a line from the script, not that Gilgamesh was likely lucid enough to remember that. But she leaned over, kissing his forehead to release the furrow of his brows. "I'm right here with you."
#Thenamesh Actors AU#You guys want the hurt/comfort huh?#well#I am here to deliver#I hope you like it#Thena goes with him in the ambulance#he's already all drugged up for the pain#everyone who talks to him#he points at Thena like#that's my wife!#and she just holds him and whispers sweet nothings to him#hoping he doesn't remember too much of this on the other side#Sprite meets her at the hospital like#wow sis you didn't tell me you were married#Thena tells her to shut up and go buy him something to eat#she probably has to check on him at home a lot too#y'know help him out#give him a hand#maybe do things like help him get dressed#you never know
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#sometimes i feel like my brain is disintegrating in my head. coming apart like a lump of paper in a pool of water#it comes with this weird feeling of vertigo. like i turn my head and my thoughts are spinning too fast. they keep going despite my standing#still. its also a but when you start drinking something and when u stop your thoughts r hazy and ur breathing is heavy#maybe thats not a universal experience. sometimes when i stop i realize ive slipped half out of my body#and now im stumbling from day to day trying desperately to remember all the things im supposed to be managing#but there are these big holes in my brain. like im missing chunks of grey matter. the bits that would let me stop and start things#i dunno. when im taking measurements i have this image of myself on my knees holding the fragrance pieces of my life together as they#crumble thru my fingers and my insides shrivle away from the walls that contain them. i go hollow like a gord#and ppl say oh ur so passionate abt what u do. and i go brittle bc it doesnt feel like passion it feels like the symptom of an illness#i dont care. im just trying to burn the hours away. make time vanish. and for what? what am i building toward? i have an answer that i give#interviewers but i dunno i never thought id make it this far. but here we r. unhappy and lacking in purpose. its just that this last year#was so weird bc about a year ago i burned out so hard that i never recovered and it just got worse and worse. i feel now that ive stopped#the bleeding at least but the bitterness is still there. still infecting my words and curving my spine around the injury#and in theory i understand the path to healing but its hard when im just so. i dont even kno. angry? im not mad but the word feels right#but i dunno what id be angry about. maybe im just sick of empty tasks and not caring. i used to have passion and enthusiasm now i just feel#fragile and hurt. bracing for pain. and that makes me so sad. i wish i could go out into the woods and wander. just breathe#but no. instead ill start another day identical to 100 others and hope to keep my head above the surface bc im sick of swallowing sea water#anyway. itll b fine. hopefully this week i can commit to a program. hopefully. another program halfway across the country. this time#vertically. landing me still 2 time zones from home. but hopefully there i can breathe a little. maybe. hopefully. well see#unrelated
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