#i am genuinely flabbergasted by how even worse this is than in my memories.

[stackslip]

frankly i can't find a better illustration of how arakawa chooses to write the ishbalan genocide than these two pages, one of which directly follows the next.

on one hand you have two soldiers who actively, willingly participated in the genocide, acting in it until the very end for their "fellow soldiers", before waxing maudlin about how tragic war is but how it is their duty to Protect Everybody and they will change the country so less people die. by less people they also mean less of their fellow soldiers btw bc these matter more than actual genocide victims. and this is framed as this great deep nuanced moral lesson after we saw them continue following orders to mass murder, shoot and burn people until the very last one to "protect their fellow soldier". sure ok

on the other, right after this, you have the depiction of scar. scar who just lost his entire people and family in the genocide. who is horrifically traumatized. scar who is portrayed as bad bc he woke, saw amestrian soldiers in panic killed them--and this is the "sin" he has to carry the entire fucking manga. roy and riza can carry all the atrocities they did as this Nuanced Lesson, scar meanwhile here is portrayed as feral, and brutal, and bloodthirsty (a bad thing) for the people who committed these atrocities. he's covered in the blood of the poor innocent rockbells. like. that's it. Revenge Bad. roy and riza want to build something constructive (how nice of them.) and scar wants to build something destructive. not even like, a page to show scar crying, or broken, in the aftermath of horrors so bleak that anyone would be traumatized by them. no, he's just a violent brutal husk possessed by the Evil Spirit of revenge.

how fucked is this? it's so unbelievably fucked. just. i keep being told again and again by random tumblr users and the like that really the genocide of ishbal is nuancely and respectfully depicted in the manga and it's like, is your understand of a "nuanced" tale of genocide, especially one that is so obviously coded after american intervention in the middle east, really that fucking skewed by all these american war movies? do you think american sniper is a nuanced tale too? wanna tell me all about how anti imperialist fma is? yes i know this is all fictional. yes i know this is shounen. i think if you're going to graphically depict women and children being burned to death by a sympathetic character who justifies it as his duty of being a soldier and depict his PTSD and survivor's guilt with nuance--following interviews you made with soldiers of real conflict!--but you can't be fucking bothered to give the victims of said soldiers even a quarter of the same kind of attention and nuance, nevermind this fucking bullshit, you should maybe not write about these subjects at all, especially when the rest of your shounen is about a fucking stupid magical mystery guy who is the Real Evil Bad Guy!

[genericpuff]

Why is the art so unappealing in lore Olympus now Persephone looks like a highlighter and maybe it’s just me but the proportions like the fingers in arms are soul over the place I don’t think they used to be this bad. Am I just looking at it with nostalgia or am I crazy ?

Honestly, nostalgia does play a huge part in it, even to this day there are times I look back on old S1 panels and go-

Actually here's a great example that literally just happened yesterday in the ULO Discord that nearly had me on the floor LOL This is from Episode 70:

Like I didn't even believe that that was real until I was told what episode it was from and I was just. Astounded and flabbergasted. The over-shading of the blanket that just makes it look like a really bad edit. Insane.

And yeah, there are a lot of old panels that hit different now that the rose-colored glasses have been removed, crushed, and thrown into the trash compactor.

I think that's why it makes it all the more amusing when people come into my inbox and ask me "wait, why did you like LO to begin with?? It's always been ugly as shit, I think you're just romanticizing it" because like... there's something to be said about art and subjectivity, even if something is ugly to one person doesn't mean it isn't beautiful to someone else. It's why I try not to be too mean towards the fans of this comic for still enjoying it, because while I definitely have strong opinions about how "LO has gotten worse" and what kind of following Rachel has cultivated (cough cough), there are also just as equally valid arguments that LO has never begin good to begin with that I can't necessarily disagree with now that I'm looking back on it with a more critical eye.

That said, there's tons of media that I enjoy that is objectively awful. Like y'all, you don't need to take my opinions about a dumb pink x blue fantasy romance comic seriously, I like Starfox Adventures-

Like yeah it's a badly made rushed piece of shit that was developed right on the ass end of Rare's glory days and was really an original IP (Dinosaur Planet) that got Frankenstein'd into a Starfox game so it could "sell better" for Nintendo, but I don't give a fuck, I love Starfox Adventures and some day I wanna be in the top 10 speedrunner leaderboards for it, which I know doesn't mean much because no one is speedrunning Starfox, but I do and no one can take that away from me dammit-

Anyways. Lore Olympus has, in many regards, always had "bad art". But "bad art" can and should still be enjoyed by those who find joy in it.

And in LO's case, the world it existed in when it launched was a lot smaller than it is now - more specifically, the world of Webtoons. We can look back and see how 'bad' LO looks and reads now because there are genuinely way better comics surrounding it. It was unique and refreshing and experimental back then... now it's just "that stupid blue and pink comic for horny teenagers".

In most cases I would consider that "cringing in hindsight" feeling a good thing because normally it means something has grown and that it seeming "bad" in hindsight would mean that it's outgrown itself and moved onto bigger things. But LO has the more unique problem of "its current stuff is shit and it's making us want the old stuff more, even if the old stuff wasn't good either". In that regard, LO is closer to being like Harry Potter. Remember when The Cursed Child came out at the height of Rowling being exposed for being a TERF and even people who liked Harry Potter didn't like The Cursed Child because it was just objectively worse overall (with or without Rowling's bullshit attached)? It made a lot of people go back and re-read / rewatch Harry Potter with a more objective lens and go "wait a minute guys, I think we only adored these books so much because we were 12 when we read them". Often times it's the good memories we have surrounding certain things that make us have the opinion about them that we do.

Of course, LO is definitely not as politically weaponized as Harry Potter is, so that's where that comparison ends. But my point is that LO is definitely in a situation where it's been riding off the same privileges it had back in 2018 - having an 'experimental' art style while also utilizing tropes and characters that were VERY popular at the time (remember that 2017-18 was when Tumblr was at its height of H x P "Hades was a chill accountant guy who wore socks and sandals and didn't cheat on his wife like Zeus did" fantasizing) - and thinks that those same tricks and tropes will still work today.

Because of this, the art in LO really, really hasn't aged well, even the stuff that we look back on fondly. But I think it's the panels that we specifically think of when remembering "old LO" - the ones that stuck in our memories the most - that are the ones that make us miss or just not care about the panels that don't look good (the panels that make people question why we ever liked it to begin with).

We liked it because of how it made us feel to look at panels like these-

Those genuinely wonderful panels that we think back on the most don't exist separately from the bad panels, they exist in spite of them. Even if we can look back on panels like these and pick out problems in the lineart or the proportions or the color travelling outside of the lines, that can't and shouldn't change how those panels made us feel at some point or another. And that's why when people ask me "why were you even into LO in the first place" I don't have any one answer, because I can't fully explain how something made me feel to justify why it's good to someone who can see from the outside - without rose-colored glasses - that it evidently isn't. It's very much a "you had to be there" type of thing.

Unfortunately, nowadays even the 'best' LO panels in S3 still don't come close to what the S1 panels accomplished - because for many of us, the rose-colored glasses are gone, we can't appreciate the good among the bad because we know now how bad it truly is and so the good just feels like wasted attempts at trying to recreate something it can no longer be. It "came back wrong" so to speak.

LO came back just regular. But our journey to resurrecting it changed us to such a degree that even its closest intimacies are now foreign to us. Sorry dude.

This is still probably one of my favorite panels out of the entirety of S3 for being as close to "old LO" as I've seen since S2, and even it feels like a mistake, an accident, how could a panel like this exist in S3 when so much of it is a dumpster fire? It's like a flower growing in the ruins of an apocalyptic wasteland.

But wasn't that always the case? Isn't that 'always' what LO has been, since the very beginning? A poorly cobbled together mess of writing and panels that, every now and then, manages to leave an impression that makes you feel something? Did we ever truly know LO? Or have we just been relying entirely on an idea of it that we've built up in our heads that when it does do exactly what it's evidently always done (even if not made apparent until looking back on it in hindsight) we think it "came back wrong"?

[mysticstarlightduck]

OC In 15 Tag!

I was tagged by @tabswrites, here!

Rules: Share 15 or fewer lines of dialogue from an OC, ideally lines that capture the character/personality/vibe of the OC. Bonus points for just using the dialogue without other details about the scene, but you're free to include those as well!

I'll do this one for my character Arammys from Of Starlight and Beasts, our beloved Sunshine Boi Tm! (Because he's been living in my brain rent-free ever since I started this new project lmao)

[Upon being asked "Who are you?" by Corah, when they first met. Genuinely.] "Honestly, I'm not sure."

"I may not know a lot about this kingdom, or how it works, but I can't be the only one who thinks it isn't fair for them to treat you guys like this ... this city doesn't even belong to them anyways! Or does it? I'm not sure anymore."

"Ow, that smarts, ow!" He clutched his hand to his chest, still glowing with magic as he jumped up and down slightly. At his feet, the highwayman had fallen to the floor like a rag doll. "No one told me punching someone would hurt me this much! His face was like a freaking rock, ow. Are you guys alright?"

"You're good - you almost had me falling for it there." He chuckled, but his smile promptly dropped as he noticed her lifted eyebrow and confident smirk - a look he'd come to recognize as the forebearer of terrible ideas and a lot of trouble. "Oh no. You were being serious, weren't you?"

"We spent months fighting the worst this kingdom has to offer and now in a literal festival in an enchanted forest. I, for one, am going to dance and enjoy the night until I pass out, and this is my invitation for you to do the same!"

"Why don't you get it?! You have a lifetime of memories, and you'll always have, for better or for worse! I don't have that. And I'll probably never have - someone took my past from me."

"... Did that guy just steal your bag?"

"I'm not afraid of loving you. Love, our love, is not a weakness, and it'll never be. That "Queen" is a fool if she wants you to believe that."

"We're not jumping out of this tower! No, nuh-uh, I refuse. Don't even consider it!"

"Well, not to be rude but I think you're overcompensating. Throwing us like that was a bit of a low blow."

"Whoa. That's such a funny-looking rat. Why- why does it have three tails?" He giggles, words endearingly slurred as he pointed to a discarded napkin on the floor. [Corah furrowed her brows, blinking, flabbergasted, then looked between him and the single, barely finished glass of wine he must've bought a few minutes ago, after his little moment in the spotlight. It dawned on her that he'd likely never drunk before. "Alright, that's it. Your resistance to alcohol is absolutely nonexistent. Let's go home."]

"You think being a tyrant will make you respected, Meira, and you believe hunting down those who think differently than you will prove your strength. It won't. It just makes you a monster."

"I'm sure I'm going to regret this, but alright."

"If I learned anything in this adventure is that politicians and nobles almost always want something when they summon us to their palaces. And that something is never just a nice tea party, unfortunately."

"Everyone deserves second chances - even him."

Tagging (gently, with absolutely no pressure): @lassiesandiego, @unstablewifiaccess, @hrmkingizzy, @elshells, @illarian-rambling, @meerawrites, @tabswrites, @rickie-the-storyteller, @jay-avian, @crowandmoonwriting, @writernopal, @elshells, @thetruearchmagos, @starlit-hopes-and-dreams, @clairelsonao3, @apolline-lucy, @little-peril-stories @kaylinalexanderbooks and @oh-no-another-idea

[thefanficmonster]

Finally, You’re Back

Part 1: ‘There You Are’

Karl Heisenberg (Resident Evil 8: Village) x Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: Mentions of Injury and Human Experimentation, Insecurity, Swearing, Spoilers for RE8

Genre: Angst, Romance, Some Humor and Fluff too

Summary: And there they are, back in that village half a decade later to retrieve what’s theirs but unaware of what they’ll find in place of what they remember.

Requested by one Anon and the idea was modified by another Anon, so thank you both so much for sharing your creativity with me, it’s really been a huge honor to write a fic inspired by such a beautiful idea. Love you both! 💕

If again is what he hoped and prayed for, why is he damning it now Why does he resent himself for having hope When he previously wished nothing but to have it Why does their presence hurt When it used to heal him Why do they remind him of how much of a monster he is When previously they were the only one making him human Why is he worthy of their presence When he’s only become worse They upheld their promise But the person they are coming back to is no longer alive He’s taken his place and he hates himself for it He’d kill himself to get him back He’d do just about anything Just to prevent those eyes from seeing them differently Just so he can greet them with open arms and say:

“Finally, you’re back“

But as of now all he can say is:

“You’re back, but the one you’re searching for will never return“

He was made aware of their presence the day of their arrival in the village. He knew all about their venture, going around the village asking for him to be looked at with terror by the villagers they came across. He watched as all the people refused to tell them his whereabouts, claiming they didn’t know or they couldn’t tell. No matter what bribery or convincing method Y/N tried to use, the villagers refused to stand down from their determined ground.

They refused to give up though, going against his prayers that they would. They might have felt discouraged but they never, not even for a second, thought to give it up. Never did they even consider forgetting him as an option. It’s been half a decade and they still remember him, they still have the will to look for him despite all the time that has passed, despite the odds that aren’t in their favor, despite the lack of help from anyone.

They keep going, keep trying. They keep driving the sword deeper into his chest, piercing his heart.

If only they could accept me like this. If only they could look at a monster the same way they looked at that boy they met five years ago...

His mistake, although blatantly obvious even to him, is not something he’s willing to correct. He doesn’t want to give them a chance. And the answer to the question many - even he himself - would ask ‘why’, that answer he doesn’t want revealed.

Because he knows it and would do anything in his power to keep it from swimming to the surface.

The answer? - It’s because he’s afraid. Terrified really.

What of? That’s the part he’s not sure about. Is he afraid of them being scared, disgusted and repulsed by him? Or is he afraid of the complete opposite - that they won’t bat an eye at the change he’s undergone. That latter option leaves him with a bitter taste in his mouth, his stomach turning. He doesn’t believe he deserves that reaction, after all he’s done, after becoming the monster he is now, he’s done his best to not even think about them - attempts that have failed miserably. Not a day has gone by that they haven’t been on his mind. He thought getting rid of the dog tag necklace - the promise - would cleanse his system of their memory that’s etched itself so deeply within his mind and soul but his hands refused to cooperate when his brain kept telling them to lift that necklace off his neck. He couldn’t do it, and he hated himself because of it for a while, but if he’s being honest he felt more relieved than anything else. He doesn’t want the only real memory, the only pleasant memory of his human days gone. He doesn’t want to wipe Y/N from his mind, they’re the only thought that still sends his heartbeat speeding in a positive way. He knows he’s a coward for what he does, hiding in the shadows and watching them waste their time with the villagers who think they are downright insane for going around looking for Karl Heisenberg whom the entire village knows as Lord Heisenberg. Not using his title each time they ask never fails to bring a smile to his face. It’s a relief that they at least have a nice picture of him that has stuck with them. And if it’s up to him, that’s the picture that will remain, they won’t see him like this, this new him won’t replace the old him in their mind. He’d do anything to make sure of it.

That being said, you can imagine the massive shock and mini heart attack he experienced one day when his motion detectors picked up on someone entering the factory in broad daylight. Rushing to the camera display, the briefest glimpse was enough to make out who this foolish person looking for their death was. 

Goddammit, Y/N!

It was no longer a danger to his sanity, their presence at the factory was an even worse danger for them. His creations wouldn’t think twice about slicing their tiny frame in half with their implemented chainsaws, designed to do exactly what he’s hoping they won’t get the chance to do this time. Running to the elevator, all he can do is silently pray he reaches them before they come across one of his minions.

What he’s going to say to them? How he’s gonna greet them? He hasn’t got the slightest clue, all he knows is that he has to get to them asap.

Running out of the elevator once it settles on the ground floor, he almost crashes directly into them, eyes wide with shock as the adrenaline is still pumping throughout his body despite the immense amount of relief he feels wash over him. He doesn’t notice at first, but when he does his heart sinks: their gaze is empty and their face unreadable. He can’t bear to have them looking at him like that, it hurts more than physically hitting him. Hell, it hurts more than the experiments Miranda did to him.

“How’d you find me?“ He decides to end the silence for his sanity’s sake, his heart heavy and aching in his chest.

They shrug, “Wasn’t easy, I’ll have to admit, you’ve trained the villagers well, none of em wanted to give me even a clue.“ They give him a small smile before looking around at the factory walls and everything lining them, “And then I put it together on my own. It was a bit of a stretch...“ they trail off, their eyes scanning him from head to toe, “...but I see it was a lucky one.“

He can’t help but huff, more out of disgust for himself than anything else, “If you call this lucky you’ve gotta have a few screws loose.”

Much to his surprise, this remark earns him a genuine, wholehearted laugh from Y/N, “Oh Karl, didn’t you pick up on my loose screws back when we first met? That’s odd, people usually take one look and can already tell.”

He scoffs, letting a small smile slip onto his face before he chases it away, forcing himself to maintain the seriousness, “I can’t believe how foolish you are. Didn’t you, even for a second, think there was maybe a good reason why people didn’t want to give you my whereabouts?”

“Oh I didn’t need to think about it!“ They say, lifting a pointer finger in the air as if to emphasize their point, “They were pretty clear when they were calling you stuff like ‘monster’ and ‘cruel Lord’ or whatever.“

Heisenberg’s eyes widen in an instant, “So you knew? You knew I was...I wouldn’t be the same as you remember me?” He asks, his jaw almost reaching the floor.

They nod nonchalantly, “I mean, I was sure of that part, it’s been half a decade, after all. Of course, I didn’t expect such a drastic change but it changes nothing. The villagers made it all sound super scary and dramatic...”

Karl doesn’t get confused often. However, right now, they’ve got him completely flabbergasted. “You were told about me...about me being what I am and you still showed up and walked into this place everyone fears like you own it? Where the fuck is your self-preservation instinct?!”

With an eye-roll, Y/N pushes past him, entering the elevator and walks over to the buttons to choose a floor, “Up your ass, Heisenberg. Right next to the stick that’s got you in such a foul mood. Is this how you welcome back an old friend?” Though the words themselves were harsh, they spoke them in such a way and with a sincere look in their eyes that they had the complete opposite effect of what they’d usually have. Hell, he wants to laugh at the vocabulary on its own, it’s so refreshing to hear someone use those terms and speak so freely around him, unfazed by his powers. To be fair, they’re probably not even aware he has any.

Looking at them now, their intense gaze telling him loud and clear that they’re completely unfazed, has him going soft. They’re still his connection to the humanity he’s lost, he’s still clinging onto it thanks to them. And while he still believes he doesn’t deserve to preserve any last piece of it, he’s glad that he’s not the judge of that. The punishment is not his to decide. It’s theirs. And who knows, allowing him to keep a tiny fragment of his humanity may be the ultimate punishment but he doesn’t know it yet. Regardless, he’s happy with it as long as it means he has them by his side to carry said punishment out.

When all they get in response to their words is a laugh they too let a smile lighten up their features, “There you go, knock some humor into you.” They turn to look at the buttons briefly before locking their gaze onto him once again, “I like what you did with the place. Care to show me around?”

He shakes his head as his laughter dies down, “You won’t like it.”

Y/N rolls their eyes yet again, “Leave that up for me to decide, old man.”

A frown comes across Heisenberg’s face, “Old man? How dare you?”

The sound of their laughter almost manages to wipe the frown off his face. Almost. “Old man who can pull off even a century old dog tag necklace.” They say, sizing up the necklace resting over his chest which he automatically reaches out to touch as a result of her remark. “You can keep it, by the way. I don’t need it back. I’ll be sticking around for some time after all.”

Before he can even process what they said, they’ve pulled him into the elevator and pressed the button for the top floor, looking out of the open side of it to be able to see the inside of the factory as the metal box keeps climbing, carrying them with it. Their back is turned to him so he can’t see the look on their face but he can only hope it’s not one of horror or disgust. If he were to receive that look from them his heart would shatter on the spot. So he’d rather they don’t turn around - both for him not to be able to see them grimacing and so they can’t see him staring at them with that look in his eyes.

Look of adoration he’s never given anyone before nor will he ever give to anyone else. And so, all the pieces of his soul have found their proper spots.

Thanks to Y/N.

Finally, you’re back.

[byuncock]

Do you still love me? // Baekhyun

pairing: baekhyun x oc/reader

genre: angst, slight fluff?

word count: 1.6k

a/n: unedited! inspo came from a oneshot that is no longer available to read.

The cafe was filled with such a happy atmosphere. You were feeling everything, but.

You looked over to your boyfriend as his attention was solely on the one person sitting across from him. Which so happens to be his ex.

The both of you were out for your anniversary celebration, but it seems like you were the only one excited noting the outfits as you looked down at yours then looking over to Baekhyun's laidback hoodie and sweats. Good thing anything he wears makes him look stylish.

For some reason his ex keeps glaring at you from time to time. You havent even talked to her beside a simple introduction of hello's and my name is.

Your mood for the day has been ruined and dampened even more at the fact that he was paying attention to his ex more than you. You heave out a sigh while staring ahead just wanting them to finish talking so the both of you could just end the day even though it's only the after noon.

Hearing the sigh Baekhyun turns towards you while his friend is still talking. He stares a bit feeling bad that you had to deal with this on a special day.

He turns to her, "Well, it was nice seeing you again. If you don't mind leaving us since we are celebrating our anniversary after all" Baekhyun shoos her politely.

She let's out a flabbergasted "Oh!" and nods at the both of you then leaving. Baekhyun turns his head towards yours and gives a peck at your temple.

Feeling annoyed you stood up to leave not before telling him, "Let's go home, Baekhyun"

You were washing the dishes. Deep in thought about when things went wrong with your relationship with baekhyun.

He's been distant since around a month ago you ponder. Then the affection started decreasing weekly along with dates and communication you investigate.

As you were deep in thought Baekhyun was standing at the entrance of the kitchen the whole time with his arms crossed while staring at you. Also, deep in thought of what words to start off.

"Hey, we need to talk" he starts off as he uncrosses his arms and walks closer to you leaving a good distance.

Coming back to reality you looked over to him then down at the sink since you were still washing the dishes, "What did you wanna talk about?" letting out nonchalantly.

He opens his mouth, but the words are stuck. He closes and swallows, trying again, "I don't think I want to continue this relationship anymore" he lets out softly. As if he was hesitant even saying it, scared even.

You knew this was coming. Were you surprised? No. Just disappointed. You ceased washing the plates and turn to look fully at him, "Why?" genuinely curious even though you were breaking inside.

He stayed silent while looking around. Trying to find the words you assumed. "Do you still love me anymore?" you questioned in a whisper.

He stares at you straight in the eye, "I don't think I love you anymore" he finally lets out. Breaking you completely.

It was suddenly getting harder to breathe. You feel the tears creeping up. But you swallowed a large lump and nodded. Going back to finish washing the dishes, "Alright then, I guess this is it?" you questioned.

Not letting him say anything else when you added, "I'll pack my stuff when I'm done with this" you turn your head at him with a forced small smile.

Then he left.

-

It's been about a few weeks. Or a month. You don't really know since you lost count of the days. Not having the energy to even care about anything else besides your broken heart.

You were staying at your friend's place, who is kind enough to let you move in, but because of reasons you didn't want to do that to her. Letting her know you'll only be staying there for a short time until you find your own place.

The sun has set and the moon is shining brightly. Though the weather has been nice lately your mood hasn't got any better. So you try to cheer yourself up by having walks daily either in the morning or night.

This time around you were feeling extra sad and heartbroken which led to all memories with Baekhyun and self doubt. Must be your incoming monthly cycle.

You were walking out at night aimlessly. Which should be dangerous, but you didnt care at the moment. Not until someone grabbed your shoulders from behind and turned you around, startling you.

You were so shock you didn't really get to process who the person was before they pulled you into their embrace. The scent giving it away.

The tears you've been trying to keep at bay for the past week had finally been let go.

Baekhyun hears you sobbing and hugs you tighter while whispering apologies and I love yous in your ear.

You were so upset and hurt that he broke it off just like that. All the anger and sadness coming out through your sobs and actions. You pushed him away while looking at him.

"W- What ar-are you doin- doing?" you asked while hiccuping. Now that you were finally able to take a look at him you cried even harder.

He was flabbergasted, didn't know what to do, but pull you in his embrace once again while apologizing, "I.... I'm sorry my love.... I'm so sorry"

He tightened his hug while whispering apologies and sweet nothings.

While you just stood there. Limp. Bawling your eyes out at the same man who broke your heart.

So many thoughts were bombarding your already tired head. Why is he here? Why is he hugging me? How did he recognize me? What the fuck?

Baekhyun let you cry in his arms while he soothes your back. Waiting for you to calm down before he speaks again. When you do he lets out softly, "I would like to speak with you. If that's okay?" pulling away at arms length so he can look at you. Trying to decipher the emotion on your face other than sadness.

You were so confused, "What do you even want to talk about?" giving a deep frown as you try to back away from him and have a decent amount of space in between.

Baekhyun didn't like that. Even though you created distance he still managed to graze his hands down to yours to intertwine them.

"I wanted to apologize" he started quickly. "I know I broke your heart and told you I no longer loved you, but baby was I so damn wrong," he tightened his hold on you.

Millions of emotions ran through you. Still confused obviously. But now. Upset. How can he just do that? One second decides he no longer loves you and breaks it off then come back because he was wrong. Who does that?

He was eagerly waiting for any type of reply, but all he received was a troubled look and thoughts running through your head.

"These past weeks we've been apart felt like hell. I realized I made a mistake shortly after I broke it off with you, but I didn't want to get back to you so soon because I wanted to be sure that I still love you. Which I do, which is why I was trying to plan something until I ran into you" he pauses. Letting you soak in what he said before continuing.

He saw your eyes move from the ground up to his eyes. He took that as a queue to talk again and hopefully convince you how sincere he is.

"Something in my gut told me to do it now or else I wouldn't have got a chance later. So I took it." he pauses again and slowly gravitate you towards him into an embrace so the both of you could look directly at each other.

"Now I am hoping you can forgive me and give me another chance because I love you so damn much. I'm a fucking moron to ever thought I didn't love you anymore. Please, baby. Give me another chance and let me be with you again." he softly lets out with his lips just a centimeter away from yours.

His eyes occasionally drift between your eyes and your lips. Somehow his arms were wrapped around you.

You were still soaking it in. Everything was too much at the moment and in the state you were currently in didn't help.

The whole time he talked you didn't even reply back with anything besides all the emotional looks he caught.

You were deep in thought. So deep in thought you forgot what was happening until you feel his arms tighten around you.

You can tell the situation was making him anxious and your lack of response made it 10x worse.

"I don't" you croaked. Clearing your throat you tried again " I don't know" you finally let out.

He ended up placing his forehead against yours and stared deeply into your eyes. "Please" he begged with a crack in his voice. He closed his eyes and his expression seemed like he was holding back his tears.

You didn't feel bad.

You pulled away from him. Making sure you were six feet apart and he stood there with his eyes closed. You can see a tear run down his pretty features.

"My number's still the same" you whispered. You stood there for another few seconds then turn to leave.

If he wanted you back then he better work his ass off.

You were not going to experience that heart break again. You wanted to be sure that he means it so if the both of you do get back together there wouldn't be doubts. There wouldn't be second thoughts of what if Baekhyun falls out of love with you again. Because you have no idea if you can handle that the second time.

-

As you are walking back to your friend's place. Your phone vibrates.

~

a/n: lmk your thoughts!

[nastybuckybarnes]

Bad Dream  -  9

Pairing: Dark!Steve X Reader

Summary: A year after wiping your memory and keeping you for himself, Steve Rogers is happy. Happier than he’s ever been. With you and your daughter, life couldn’t be any better. The only problem? You’re starting to remember things.

Warnings: Angst, Language (?)

Word Count: 1.5K

A/n: A short filler chapter that has some important info... get ready cause its gonna get real intense real quick! TAGS WILL BE ADDED WHEN I GET HOME FROM WORK!!

!!!THIS IS A DARK FIC WITH SEXUAL AND TRIGGERING CONTENT!!!!

MADNESS MASTERLIST ~ BAD DREAM MASTERLIST

~*~

He watches the way you hold Sarah close to your chest, the tender way you cradle her head and rock her back and forth, comforting yourself just as much as you’re comforting her.

He feels bad.

He actually feels guilty. He knows the way he treated you was wrong, that taking you the way he took you and hurting you the way he hurt you were both awful.

“Look at me,” he orders, his voice harder than he intended. You slowly open your eyes, holding the sleeping baby to your chest.

“I know you’re scared,” he begins, crouching down in front of you. “But you need to eat, okay? I know you’d rather die than do anything I say, but please eat.” He pushes the untouched plate of toast towards you, backing away after.

“Why?” You ask, eyes focused on his. He raises his eyebrows, waiting for you to elaborate.

“Why me? Why did you take me? You could’ve had any woman falling at your feet, so why kidnap me? Why not ask me on a date or something? Why go straight to taking me against my will?” He sighs and looks down at his hands.

“You were... helpless. You were vulnerable and I didn’t want to go through the anxiety of possible rejection. You’re weak, you can’t fend for yourself and you needed me to help you. I chose you because... you’re pretty and you’re smart and I know that you’d be the perfect little wife for me, after you were trained, of course.” You shake your head in disgust.

“I’m not your property. I’m a person.” He sighs and sits down in front of you, his eyes on Sarah, a strange softness to them.

“I think about the way we were. How excited you used to be to see me. You used to look forward to it. You’d have dinner on the stove and the house would be clean. I miss that. And... we could be that again… we don’t have to be this. I know it’ll take time, and I know you don’t trust me… but I can be good to you. You’ve just gotta listen,” he whispers, two fingers dragging gently over your tear-stained cheeks.

You tug away, looking down as fear fills you. “I don’t have a choice, do I?” He sighs and stands, looking at your broken form. “There’s an easy way and there’s a hard way. Do you want to give it a shot? I know I’ve been too rough... too harsh. And I’ll control my temper. I just... I need you. You’re my outlet. The only constant in my life.”

“And what about what I need? I need therapy. I need my family. I need to see a doctor,” you start rattling off items and Steve listens. He actually listens to what you're saying as you start hyperventilating.

“I need hobbies, I need my job, my friends. I need a life. I need... I need a doctor... I need a doctor” you repeat that last part, head spinning.

You weakly hold Sarah to your left shoulder while turning your head to the right and coughing, blood dribbling down your chin.

He crouches down in front of you as you slump back against the wall, eyes rolling back into your head.

“(Y/n)?” He slips Sarah out of your limp arms, holding the baby tightly.

“Nat! Buck!” The two assassins come running down the stairs, the redhead pushing forward and looking you over. From the bags under your eyes to the dullness of your skin. She presses two fingers to your neck, frowning at how weak your pulse is.

“She needs to see a doctor, Steve. Now.” Bucky’s already on the phone while Steve rocks Sarah in his arms.

“How long has it been since she ate last? She feels cold.” Steve tries to think about how long you’ve been down here and the food that you’ve barely been eating but that seems to be answer enough for Nat.

“She needs to eat. She's gonna need to be hooked up to an IV. She needs water, sunlight. She needs to be out of this fucking basement. You want to get on her good side? Treat her like a human, not a fucking animal.” Natasha takes Sarah out of Steve’s hands, humming softly to the baby while jerking her head towards your limp figure.

Steve crouches down and scoops you up in his arms, bringing you up the stairs and out of the cage-like basement.

“James, go run a bath for her. Not too hot. And get a glass of water with a straw. Have it room temperature.” Steve holds your body in his arms, a frown on his face as he realizes what he’s caused.

“Will she... is she gonna be okay?” Natasha scoffs at him. “Oh, you care now?” He shoots her a glare and she sighs, looking down at your emotionless face.

“I don’t know. When she gets a good amount of rest and eats again, maybe. But that’s only physically.” Steve nods, lips pressed together in a thin line.

Bucky comes back a few moments later, wiping his wet hands on his jeans then nodding at the blond.

Steve brings you to the master bathroom and struggles to hold you up and undress you.

“Hold her steady,” Nat says, shifting Sarah into her left arm and helping Steve undress you. He lowers you into the warm water gentle, stepping back when Natasha elbows him in the ribs.

“Leave. Put Sarah down for a nap, or something.” Steve listens, having far too much to ponder, and Natasha pulls the vanity stool beside the bathtub, settling on it and gently brushing your hair away from your face.

“What have we done to you,” she whispers softly.

She washes your body carefully, her heart aching at all the scars and bruises littering your body, no doubt from Steve.

When you’re clean, she gets Steve to help dress you then has him bring you to the master bedroom. He lies you down on the bed and sits beside you, a frown on his face.

~*~

“She’s malnourished. She just needs to be eating regularly and staying off her feet. She seems to be extremely stressed as well,” the doctor says softly, not wanting to wake you. Steve nods, smoothing your hair away from your face.

“I’ll make sure she relaxes. Thank you, Doctor.” The doctor nods and is quick to excuse himself from the room.

You slowly flutter your eyelids open, wincing against the harsh light then sucking in a sharp breath at the sight of Steve sitting beside you, his blue eyes trained on your face.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” he whispers softly, eyes never leaving yours. You take a few deep breaths then look around, confused.

“Where am I?” You ask softly. “Where you belong. In our bed.” You shake your head then wince when it throbs.

“Listen, I’m going to try and be better to you, nicer to you. I know it’ll take time, but I can treat you the way you deserve, I swear.” You stare into his eyes, calculating his intentions. He seems genuine. There's none of that hard anger that used to live in his eyes, instead, there’s only regret and sadness.

You say nothing, only look down at your hands. You don’t have a choice, you know that. You need to do this or else he’ll be angry with you again.

You nod once, keeping your eyes cast downwards, and he huffs a breath of relief. “I... I don’t even know where to start,” he confesses awkwardly, scratching the nape of his neck.

You open your mouth to speak then snap it shut again, not wanting to anger him.

“No, speak. Say what’s on your mind.” You keep your eyes down at your hands and hesitantly speak. “W-where’s Sarah? Can I... Can I see her? Please?” He nods, standing up quickly.

“She’s with Natasha. She was fussy a little while ago and she’s probably getting hungry.” He walks to the doorway and you find yourself slightly flabbergasted at his new demeanour.

You’re inspecting the IV in your arm, memories of a past life, a worse life, filling your head.

He comes back to you, your daughter bouncing happily in his hands. She looks over at you with a smile and reaches for you, clinging to you tightly when Steve sets her on your chest.

She looks up at you with those big innocent eyes and you can’t help but smile at her.

“I know I’ve... done some terrible things to you. But I want to start over. I want to be good to you, have you trust me again. But I know that it’ll take time.” You don’t look at him. You hardly even listen to him, not wanting to give him the light of day.

“I swear that I’ll never hurt Sarah. Ever. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And I won’t hurt you the way that I have in the past. This is the start of something new for us. And I think we can really have a shot at being happy. Don't you?”

You still say nothing, not wanting to allow this man to know what you’re thinking. You can’t trust him. There’s nothing he could ever say or do that will make you trust him again.

[finleyjayne]

Living a Lie: Chapter 2

Thank you for everyone who helped with this fic, including the fantastic @2smittinkittin​, the wonderful beta for this chapter, and @kittykatlow​, who is still forever supportive.

Summary: Penelope Grace Darling: the name you live by, the only name the world remembers. That doesn’t keep the memories of Y/N out of your head. All you ever wanted to do was create a better world. You thought you were doing that until some unexpected visitors to your hometown turn your world upside down. Can you leave your past behind you in order to keep your loved ones safe? Or will your fragmented memories keep you from the truth?

Pairings: Past Winter Soldier/Reader, Plus sized!Reader. Slow burn Bucky Barnes/ Reader.

Warnings: Dub/Noncon, Rape, Kidnapping, human trafficking (referenced), Underage Rape, Swearing, PTSD, Anxiety attacks, Unhealthy coping mechanisms, Non-consenting drug use, underage Drug use, Violence, Domestic Violence, I’m trying to remember what else comes later in the series.

This is a Dark Fic if you don’t like it, Don’t Read It!

Chapter 1

Looking genuinely confused as you try to place the name with the context, your eyes flipping between the four people who were now staring at you. Three highly amused with your confusion and one completely flabbergasted. “Daisy calm down a bit? I am apparently missing something here, and you yelling is definitely not helping me piece it together.”

  At this, Clint bends over himself, clutching his sides as his laughter rips through his chest. What a sexy laugh? Even though it’s at my expense. Nat smirks a little longer than her usual quick flashes. Wanda, ever the peacekeeper, extends her hand, “Hello, My name is Wanda, but I’m usually more recognized by my superhero name: The Scarlet Witch. These are my teammates and friends, Natasha, or The Black Widow, and Clint, also known as Hawkeye. It’s very nice to meet you, Penelope. We definitely appreciate the help with the shoes.”

As her sentences click in your brain, your eyes grow as big as your glasses’ rims. Your jaw pops open, “Oh, well, it’s nice to meet you, too?” You say with a nervous laugh, well, this is embarrassing. “Thank you for coming into our store. Daisy, don’t do anything stupid. I’m going to go grab my purse, and then I’m going to lunch.” you face still plastered with saucer-sized eyes as you slip through the curtains.

How could I not know who they were? I know I use Daisy and Bruce as my source of current events, but I should at least know the Avengers’ faces. You grab your purse, slinging it across your body before proceeding out the front door toward the little corner bakery. At least I didn’t act like a complete fool. Daisy is probably freaking out. I shouldn’t have left her alone with them, she’s going to eat them alive. Who am I kidding? They’ll be fine, they are the Avengers, they can handle an over-excited almost adult. 

Thankfully, lunch and the rest of your shift flew by without any other famous guests. Your nerves were on the fritz, though; it felt as if someone was watching you. No matter what you did, You just couldn’t relax. Every movement drew your attention. Every sound made you flinch. As Bruce came through the door, you burst at the seams with the need to make your escape. You threw a passing goodbye to your boss as you jogged to your car, not even sparing a moment to change the radio back to a public station. You were out of the parking lot and on the road in seconds, causing Gertrude to complain loudly. Fighting off the sharp edges of the panic that blistered your mind. Within two blocks, you were pulled over, hand clawing at your chest, sight wavering as you throw Gertrude into park. Before you can even think about counting the rails in the fence, your vision is black. 

“Пожалуйста, прекратите! [Please stop!]” The high-pitched scream echoes through the small, dark room. “Вам не нужно этого делать [You don’t need to do this].” a shock of pain courses over your back as a second resounding crack follows. 

“Тишина [SILENCE],” comes the cold order. “Вы говорите, когда я хочу, чтобы вы говорите! [You speak when I want you to speak!]” two more cracks and, after a second, two more blazing paths are scorching your skin. Confusion is mixed into the muddled neurons of your brain as you hear the metal door sliding open. 

Cautiously you lift your eyes, peering over your shoulder, only to be met by another crack that catches you across the cheek. With another bloodcurdling scream, you fall onto your freshly whipped back. Holding a cuffed hand to your sliced cheek, you meet the coldest pair of steel-blue eyes you have ever seen. “Этого достаточно. Они готовы к этому. [That’s enough. They are ready for it]” came the icy baritone through the black mask. 

    Your assailant scowls at the man. “Пациент не готов. [The subject is not ready]”

    The empty-eyed man ignores him as he steps closer to you. “Они готовы [they are ready],” he repeats. He reaches for your arm mechanically. It was as if he was only going through the motions without knowing what he was doing.

     You flinch from his extended right hand, cowering away. “Вам не нужно этого делать [You don’t need to do this].” comes the pleading voice that you realize is coming from you. 

     He continues forward, dragging you out of the room to the scream of the man you left behind. “Она не твоя [She is not yours]!”

     Sobbing into the steering wheel of your beloved clunker, you hold onto your thick sides. The black-rimmed, ice-filled eyes continue to hover in your peripheral as you come out of the onslaught of memories. It’s not real, I am in Utah, they are not here, he is not here. I am safe. Coulson promised I am safe. After eight more deep breaths, your thoughts are cut off by a peppy, upbeat melody sung by a flowy lyric-soprano. “I know you can hear this Penny, so pick up, or I’ll sing it higher.” As the melody repeats for the third time, you scramble to pick your phone up. 

    “Delilah, I hope you realize that the ringtone you made me is, in fact, the cruelest practical joke anyone has ever succeeded in pulling.” You snip the need to portray normalcy coming through in your irritation at one of your best friends. 

    “I loooove you too, darling.” came the cloying giggle from the other end of the line. “Taylor and I were just talking about the Stark expo that is opening tonight. Also, we haven’t heard from you in a couple of days. Please save me from going to this thing without you. You can interpret Tay’s wild ramblings for me, and you can get out of that dungeon you call a bedroom for a night! It’ll be fun! Pleeeeeeeease~.” 

You can see the bright amber puppy-dog eyes she was giving you through the phone. There was no way she would let you off the hook if Taylor was dragging her to the Expo. Knowing Taylor, they had probably pre-ordered three VIP passes months ago and had been secretly geeking out since, waiting to haul us to their favorite displays and setting up the perfect itinerary. But also in their excitement, forgot to tell us about it until now.  

With a sigh, you throw your head back onto the headrest. “I’m going whether or not I want to, aren’t I?”

“You know us so well,” came Taylor’s dark-tenor chuckle through the speaker. 

“Well, I’m headed to my appointment up there right now. If you want to meet me at the east entrance of the Salt Palace afterward...” You resign, glancing at the radio clock in the dash. “I should be done by the time you get there, but I’ll text you when I’m on my way.” Delilah squeals, and Tay’s hums in contentment. 

“See you there,” they both reply. “Drive safe, Drive smart.”

“You too. I’d suggest taking Trax if you can. The parking is gonna be a nightmare. I can take y’all home when we’re done.”

“Sounds like a plan. See you there,” Tay calls through Lila’s squeals before hanging up.

Staring blankly through the window for a minute before turning on the radio and making your way back into heavy Utah traffic.  

An hour later, you pull into the large parking structure, running out of the car and into the blazing summer heat. Fucking Utah drivers. Unable to go a single day without causing some sort of preventable crash. Bursting into the large hospital, you clip your little identification tag before heading to the research lab where they run all their tests. Pulling your shoulders back as you scan your ID and pass the double doors that say: AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY.

You follow the labyrinth of hallways to a small medical-exam room in the furthest corner of the buildings. X-rays, MRIs, and Photos were stuck to lightboards around the room. With a huff, you look away from the gruesome images, towards a devilishly-handsome blond clothed in SHIELD emblazoned shrubs and a University of Utah Hospital doctor’s coat. The modelesque picture on his ID not doing him justice. 

“Hello, Miss Darling, only ten minutes early. What happened, you get stuck in traffic?” His aggravatingly-nasal voice pierced through the sounds of him typing on his small laptop, reminding you just how much you dislike this man. 

“Yes, actually, Dr. Fenris. There were three crashes on I-15, and then there was a line of cars four miles long getting off for the Expo. I never realized that there was enough parking for that here.” I grit my teeth, plastering on my smile at his joke. 

“Well, I see no use dilly-dallying any further; if you’ll change into your gown and then sit on the exam table, we’ll start with that today, then we’ll head to the MRI and X-ray followed by your physical strength and endurance testing.” Dr. Fenris said as you grabbed the scratchy hospital gown off the end of the exam table and started changing. There is no use hiding your body, this man has seen every part of my it over the last four years since you’ve come back to the states. If you were honest with yourself, you would stop these useless exams. The longer they went, the worse you were being treated, and the more you get the feeling that something is wrong. It’s not like they were making any progress in making this “cure” that you are supposedly helping with. 

Gown on, you sit on the bed. Legs dangling off the floor slightly as you wait for Fenris to finish whatever he is typing. As he turns his attention to you with a smirk, a wicked glint enters his eye. “Look at that; just as predicted, your healing time has decreased since the last time you got an abrasion. This week we’re going to analyze how your platelets are going to react to different poisons.”

Looking at him cautiously, you move the slightest bit away from his seat.

“Oh silly, we are going to do it in the lab. Just a couple of vials of blood from you are needed. For now, at least.” He placates jovially, pulling out a tray of vials and a winged phlebotomy kit. 

You warily keep your eye on him as he comes around to the side of the table. Right as he’s about to stick you, a knock comes at the door. You look at the doctor surprised. He just gives a tight smile, showing a tight smile as he turns to the door, opening it. “Dr. Banner, I didn’t think you were going to come in today.” the jittery surprise made evident his cheerful mask. 

“I wasn’t planning on it. Then I noticed that the subject of your tests was going to be in today and couldn’t help but want to see her for myself.” responded the gentle-looking man with salt and pepper hair and black-rimmed, nerd glasses. “My name is Dr. Bruce Banner. I am here to check on the status of Dr. Fenris’ research.” 

“Hey,” you say with an awkward little wave, “I’m Penelope, but I guess you knew that already since I am his research,” you can’t help the self-deprecating chuckle and tight smile that follow Dr. Banner’s staring. “You just got to his favorite part. Fenris here was just about to stab me like Vlad the Impaler.” Your anxiety at Fenris’ obvious joy from your pain showing slightly.

Dr. Banner looked at you with complete horror. Turning to Dr. Fenris with a look of disgust. “I should hope not. It would be disappointing if this project were to stop. There is great potential for new knowledge and understanding here.”

Giggling slightly at the furious look Fenris throws you, your chest releases. “It was one time, Ms. Darling. And you healed before you even left the hospital.”

“Doesn’t mean you won’t do it again, Dr. we-are-testing-your-platelets’-reaction-to-poisons-this-week. I feel like my cautiousness is well deserved, and I still hate needles,” you pout. “Now, if you’ll hurry up and stick me so we can get this over with. I’m supposed to be going to the Stark expo thingy. Gotta play the interpreter between my friends. Though, I’m pretty sure they are just using that excuse to get me to go with them.” 

Dr. Banner chuckled awkwardly as you turn to him, trying to ignore the deplorable doctor to your right. “Anyway, how hopeful are you for this research Dr. Banner? Are you going to the Expo? I hear that they will be talking about the new renewable resource cells Stark Industries is working on. I hope that they are planning on making them powerful enough to bring about an electric car. There are just too many oil refineries around here to be healthy. I personally would hop on that electric car bandwagon if there was one affordable and efficient.”

As you rambled, two large sterile culture bottles and six smaller tubes are filled with your blood. Dr. Banner keeps out of the way as Fenris goes about testing your reflexes and taking measurements of your leg, inspecting the other doctor’s work before Looking at the pictures, and medical imaging on the wall. “How long ago were these pictures taken?” He finally asks, pointing to the first set of photographs. Your leg was utterly ravaged, exposing the metal skeleton while the flesh looked like it was used as a cougar’s chew toy. 

“Four years.” I wince, remembering the carnage that Fury and Coulson had found me in. “Almost to the day.” 

“And this one?” gesturing to the next picture; muscle and tendon now in some sense of a sinewy leg. The skin overlying the fragile tissues without much scar tissue. 

“Two weeks later. The next is two weeks after that. I can tell you that growing pains are indeed worth all the crying that children do over them.” You joke, looking at the almost normal looking appendage in the picture, then at the more tone,d version currently attached to your body. 

“Can you feel it? When did it start?” You could tell that Banner’s questions were from a scientific fascination that made you smirk. He looked kind of like a little boy set loose in a candy store; intrigued, and full of genuine curiosity.

“I can’t really feel it, but my brain started to connect to it a few months after the initial accident. I am kinda glad I can’t feel it though. Getting back feeling all at once makes ‘pins and needles’ look like child’s play. Though according to Dr. Fenris, my body is apparently fully healed, and I could get the feeling back any second.” 

“Have you had today’s scans? Can I see them?”

“Not yet. That comes after the blood draw today, Then it’s time for some superhero training. Apparently, it’s not enough to take all my healing into account. I’m also being studied as a Superhuman… Fenris here likes to refer to me as a Supersoldier. I don’t really see how that fits since I never was technically a soldier-” 

“Well, if you wouldn’t mind me accompanying you, we can see what you can do. Who knows maybe by the end of today you’ll be vetted into the Avengers.”

“I don’t think that will be a possibility, Dr. Banner. I don’t think SHIELD is a big fan of my existence. I am only useful as a lab rat.”

The man looks to Fenris through the corner of his eye. “Is that right? I have a feeling many things about this research are going to be changing,” a deep undertone of discontent laced through the Dr.’s words. 

Throughout the next hour, more medical tests are done. By the time we are back into the little exam room, you are full of pent up energy. Now was your favorite part of these appointments. You get to actually use some of the ‘powers’ that You were given. You could set yourself free.

If you want more Winter Soldier fics, check out @darkficsyouneveraskedfor​. They have a great one called Breach.

Thank you all for reading.

Tags are open for this fic; I am also curious to see what you all think. Share your truth with me.

People I think will enjoy reading this: @star-spangled-beard-burn@angrythingstarlight​ @tossacoin2yourwitcher​ @navybrat817​ @nekoannie-chan​ @donutloverxo​ @stargazingfangirl18​ @nsfwsebbie​ @jtargaryen18 @buckys-broody-muffin​ @nacho-bucky​ @giorno-plays-piano​ @buckybarney

[inugirl]

Tagging : @cammysansstuff, @meggz0rz, @cstormsinukagblog, @itzatakahashi, @mcornilliac, @lady-dark-69, @fantastiqueparfait, @nartista

Mistaken Identity

Chapter 2

Fanfiction: Inuyasha

Rating : M (language, violence, drugs)

Kagome gets mistaken by the mysterious half-demon, Inuyasha, as the woman he was supposed to chauffeur to the big boss’s restaurant to discuss certain business. The stubborn dog ends up making matters only worse for himself, and Kagome.

~~~•~~~•~~~•~~~•~~~

Inuyasha begrudgingly made his way to The Burned Bandit. An oddly named high end restaurant that was only made as a cover by the head man in charge. Just thinking about him made Inuyasha’s stomach upset. He screwed up and now he was going to deal with the consequences. What would have taken the average person forty minutes to an hour by transit, took only him about fifteen minutes to travel from the self-proclaimed college student’s suffocatingly small apartment. Careful not to make himself obvious, Inuyasha ceased his inhuman speed and opted to walk the remaining few blocks to the restaurant. It was imperative that he went there to see his higher ups and although he would admit this to no one, Inuyasha was scared.

Finally, he stood just outside of the restaurant most would never be able to afford to eat at. He took a deep breath and nodded to the doorman to let him in. He was greeted instantly by a multitasking hostess eager to end her shift. Her eyes darted across her computer monitor while her face edged towards him.

“I’m sorry sir, the kitchen is closed now. If you’d like a drink the bar is-oh! I am sorry Mr. Takahashi!” Her eyes finally landed on the man before her. He was still dressed in his black slacks and white button-up shirt, but this time, he had his disguise on. His normal long white hair was now black, the dog ears that adorned the top of his head were now unseen and his iris that looked to have been dipped in honey were now a deep gray. To anyone he looked like a human, an attractive and mysterious human.

“Don’t worry about it, just take me to whatever room he’s in this time.”

“Y-yes! Of course! Follow me!”

Inuyasha trailed the hostess around the upscale double story restaurant to where the private eating rooms were. His posture held confidence but inwardly he was a mess. He fucked up. Such a simple task and he fucked it up. Inuyasha could feel his heart beating from his chest and a lump form in his throat.

The hostess stopped next to the fusuma and bowed slightly.

“He’s in here.”

Inuyasha gave no thanks to the hostess, his concentration was solely to the man on the other side of the fusuma. He was nervous, and the man was known to smell fear. Inuyasha knocked softly on the frame, a sign of his own apprehensiveness.

“Come in.”

A single command by the man who Inuyasha feared the most. It was a simple command yet petrifying to the ear. Inuyasha opened the fusuma only enough to let himself in and closed it behind him. He waited in place and didn’t dare look around the room. Inuyasha could smell who was present. His inhuman qualities were only hidden to the eye.

“So glad of you to join us.” Inuyasha unknowingly held his breath and kept his vision down. ‘Fuck I’m pathetic right now. Some of the higher-ups are here too. I feel like a fucking pup showing off my belly.’

“Well look what we have here, it’s the Mutt!” It was Koga. A vicious man with the qualities and pride of a wolf leader itself.

A soft echo of chuckles spread throughout the room. It was easy to make fun of Inuyasha. He wasn’t one of them to be exact. He could never be one of them. He should have been killed years ago or exiled as an outcast. He was an infection in a perfectly hidden world amongst the humans, he was-

“You are alone.” The man's words silenced the room to an immediate hush. No one dared to even breathe too hard; how would Inuyasha respond?

He didn’t dare to.

The room stayed silent and quickly became awkward. Normally by now Inuyasha would be on the floor bleeding and trying to catch his breath. But he wasn’t. That only put more fear into him. It was worse than any punishment he has ever received thus far. It was unknown to him, and it was becoming unbearable. Inuyasha gulped. He swore it was loud enough to be heard even by an average human if they were sitting in the room. Ever so slowly he looked up at the man he feared the most. His hidden amber eyes met the man’s deep black eyes.

Naraku.

“I am not surprised however. It was called off.”

Inuyasha’s posture didn’t lax, but his eyes grew wide with shock. The direct eye contact with Naraku didn’t pass as he continued to speak.

“I assume you were not aware of the update. You were to be told hours ago, Koga here was supposed to give word out to you.” Inuyasha finally broke eye contact to look at Koga who sat to Naraku’s right. All eyes went from the lily-livered man to the new man in question.

“Wha-I, I had that taken care of!” Koga’s icy blue eyes darted between Inuyasha and Naraku, his own fear and embarrassment rising.

“Inuyasha, lend me your phone.” Inuyasha reached into his pocket to pull out his smartphone. It was at that time he wondered why he just didn’t call one of the higher-ups to ask what was going on with the meeting. ‘I was probably too caught up in the moment with that girl to think straight.’

Naraku took the extended phone and unlocked it. He tapped away at it and Koga tried his best to not peer over the man’s shoulder. He glared at Inuyasha, a silent snarl on his face. If Naraku wasn’t going to punish him, Koga was sure to.

“As I thought. I don’t see any incoming calls or messages from you Koga, or any of your members. Do you not take my instructions to heart?”

“Ah-no! Of course I do! Naraku, I swear I-“ Before Koga could spew whatever reasons he had for his mess up he felt a powerful force on the side of his jaw. He groaned and fell against the people sitting beside him. Koga could feel his cheek already starting to pulsate and swell. He could taste the bitterness of his blood and he was sure he had bit his tongue.

“I do not care for excuses, Koga.” Naraku now stood tall, wiping what little blood was on his knuckles with a handkerchief and tossed it to the person beside him. No one dared to move as he crouched down to grab the top of Koga’s hair. He pulled up roughly at Koga’s hair to bring his face towards him.

“I hope you can take my words more seriously now Koga.” Naraku’s words were always bitter and to the point. His eyes black eyes were easy to get lost in. The kind of lost where you feared the black curtain of emptiness surrounds you. Unable to see your hands you question if your eyes are even open. Although his human disguised eyes were petrifying, Inuyasha preferred those eyes to his natural demonic red-colored eyes because at least in his black eyes, he couldn’t see his own terrified reflection.

Naraku towered over Koga who continued to lay the henchmen he fell against, all who were avoiding his gaze and from assisting Koga in any way. A soft vibration and a playful chime caught his attention. He was still holding onto Inuyasha’s phone. He naturally checked it and noticed a notification from a mobile puzzle game. Naraku arched a thin eyebrow and handed back to Inuyasha his phone. Flabbergasted, Inuyasha took his phone back and looked at his notification.

‘Today is such a weird fucking day. Everything he’s doing is freaking me out.’

Inuyasha placed his phone back into his back pocket. He wanted to leave immediately. Inuyasha knew it was only a matter of time before Koga would attack him and he’d rather save that for another night. Right now, Inuyasha has never let a day just exhaust him the way this one has. However, he couldn’t leave on his own accord. When Naraku was in the room, it was only him who could demand the entry and exit of someone.

“Well Inuyasha, it appears you are no longer needed for the remainder of the night. If Koga here has learned his lesson, he will be giving you my orders on what to do next.” Naraku sat back down in his initial spot. Inuyasha eyed Koga who fought against the help of his posse beside him. With fresh blood still dripping out of his nostril and lips, he held the side of his swelling face and glared ruthlessly at Inuyasha.

Inuyasha closed his eyes and took a quick deep breath. He bowed to Naraku and bid him farewell; he couldn’t wait to leave the room. He turned on his heel to open the fusuma and inwardly winced at his own causal mistake of showing his back, but before he could lay his hand on the frame Naraku spoke.

“Inuyasha.” He froze in place. Naraku has only called him by name a handful of times. The only time his name was ever spoken in praise from Naraku was when he got promoted to his current status within the gang. Hearing his name fall from Naraku’s lips made him feel nauseated.

“You smell of a woman.”

For a split second, he thought he might have actually hurled.

‘I thought I got rid of her scent on me! I basically rolled around in fucking dirt, trying to get her smell off of my clothes!’

Inuyasha turned around with a poker face hiding his internal screaming. Naraku arched a brow and chuckled softly. “You sly dog. Instead of reporting that the woman didn’t show up, you used the spare time you had to go see a girl.” The smile that corrupted Naraku’s seemingly handsome face made Inuyasha’s skin crawl.

Naraku wasn’t one for smiles. In all the years Inuyasha has known the man, he has never once genuinely seen the man smile. However, the smile the wicked man had on his face was something to be feared. Naraku’s nefarious smile is ingrained into Inuyasha’s memories from all the beatings he’s received from the demon. This one, however, baffled him. It was a smile he has never seen before. Could it even be considered a smile? How could a man with such a small mouth, grin so widely? Naraku’s smile would make anyone wish they'd never seen it. It was horrendous. If the pure vile presence of the man couldn’t make one nervous, Naraku’s almost ear-to-ear smile would certainly make anyone shit themselves. But this smile wasn’t right. Inuyasha kept his gaze to Naraku’s face, hoping he wasn’t looking as creeped out as he felt. The ominous feeling of horripilation on his arms and legs; he desperately wanted a shower more than ever. The depraved smile that somehow fit so perfectly on his face wasn’t meant for Inuyasha. No, it was meant for the woman he smelled of. The woman he scared shitless and made faint.

‘It’s okay. She’s fine. He doesn’t know her. Even if he smells her, it's faint. Not even a wolf would be able to find her from this faint scent. She doesn’t have to get mixed with all this.’

“It’s faint, but she smells fantastic. Why, I could just eat her up.”

“I wasn’t with anyone sir. A, uh, a drunk woman bumped into me on my way here.”

Naraku narrowed his eyes to slits. He kept his gaze on Inuyasha’s face searching for any holes in his unbeknownst lie. “Well,” His eyes closed completely to add to his eerie smile. “It’s a surprise she smells so nice. Inviting even. You may go now.”

Inuyasha quickly bowed and avoided the gaze of everyone else in the room. Without turning, he reached behind him for the sliding door, slid it open and walked backward to step out. It was out of pure experience that he learned to keep his back away from the higher-ups. Inuyasha calmly made his way out of the closing restaurant and stood out front to hail a taxi. One soon pulled up and drove away following the directions Inuyasha gave.

Around thirty-five minutes later they arrived in front of a house. Inuyasha got out, paid the driver and watched him drive away. He stood in the warm night outside of his Naraku approved household. A place Inuyasha would never consider his home, but he lived there nonetheless. It took years before Inuyasha was able to earn the trust he had within Naraku’s power. He used to live in an apartment with other low-level demon lackeys. Most of the jobs they had were to be debt collectors. Inuyasha and the other demons would have to find and collect payment from anyone who was late on paying back the red-eyed demon in charge. By any means necessary. Inuyasha has been in more fights than he could remember trying to get people to pay him. He’s been stabbed, shot, seduced, and even almost hit by a train after chasing a runaway client. It had been Inuyasha’s job for years collecting owed debt for Naraku. It wasn’t until a few months back that he actually moved up a tier and became useful to Naraku for more private affairs. He didn’t know why he moved up the food chain and he didn’t dare to question it. With his new unknown title Inuyasha was given his own place of residence.

Thankfully, Inuyasha lived alone, but he had controlled privacy. He knew he was being watched inside his home. Hidden cameras were set up in every room of his home. Inuyasha assumed it was in case of treason or if the police were to question him on any matters. He hated being home. The time wasn’t what Inuyasha would consider late. He had too much energy to just go to bed early too. Still, he unlocked his door and stepped inside, taking off his shoes at the entrance.

His house wasn’t at all grand or massive. It was simple, boring if one were to describe it. Aside from a gaming system, Inuyasha’s flat was accommodated with the very basics of modern living. He went straight to his refrigerator and looked inside for a while searching for nothing in particular.

‘Gotta make it look like I have a reason to go out. I have a feeling Naraku is going to keep closer eyes on me for a while.’

Inuyasha closed the door and released a loudly obnoxious sigh. “Fuck, there is nothing to eat, and I don’t want to cook.” He opened his pantry cabinet and did the same search for nothing. He needed to look convincing, just in case.

He groaned in annoyance and went back to the front door and placed his shoes back on. Inuyasha needed to talk to someone, and there was only one person he knew he could speak freely to about his troubles. He closed and locked his door and made his way to a local convenience store he always went to. There he would not only be able to eat some ready-made food, but he could tell the attendant how he royally fucked up.

Inuyasha rolled his eyes at the thought of the attendant. ‘He’s going to love what I’ve got to say.’ He dug his hands deep into his pockets to pout about his mistakes. It was then that he felt something odd, something that shouldn’t be there.

‘Wait, I put my keys in the other pocket. What the hell is thi-fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.’ Realization struck him. They were keys. Her keys! They were so tiny and simple, she didn’t even have a keychain charm on them.

‘Shippo is really going to get a kick out of this.’

[dumbdancemomssideblog]

S1E1: The Competition Begins

okie dokie first ever episode of dance moms rewatch starts now :0 i actually remember watching this the very first time it aired on lifetime because i was channel surfing and saw a commercial for it earlier that day. that was the summer between 8th and 9th grade. ah memories... i didnt know what to expect because i did dance when i was a kid but not on a competition team and it was mostly ballet so i was pretty unfamiliar with this whole world. 

anyway lets begin. this is probably gonna be a longer post than what i’ll end up writing for the other episodes in season 1 bc the first episode introduces so much info, just a heads up

Act 1: (aside: yes its insufferable to divide this into “acts” when its really just like “segments separated by commercial breaks” but thats how they’re called in actual tv scripts so im just going with that cuz i cant think of a better/easier way uwu)

god this is so fucking early 2010s lmao

i miss these days where they were just talented nobodies from pittsburgh on a low budget reality tv show that nobody even knew would be successful. and the bad hair and makeup but idk if that was also just a 2011 thing lol

THE REAL HOUSEWIVES GREEN SCREEN INTROS IM DYING

the chalkboard !!!! they werent doing the pyramid on the mirror yet 

(apparently abby never did anything similar to the pyramid thing but the producers made her and it became a whole Thing on the show and thats why the moms were like wtf is this bullshit the first week)

mackenzie looks like a toddler. chloe is so tiny. theyre the 2 who changed the most physically over the course of the show

i remember watching this for the first time being used to ballet lyrical and jazz but never having done or really seen acro/gymnastics in dance choreo and being SO flabbergasted. i was thinking “a chin stand is not dancing what the actual hell” and yknow what? i was right

melissa: “my boyfriend knows how much i spend on dance because he signs the checks...............hermehhemrherrmehermh” (the most awkward laugh omg)

maddie is wearing a fucking bumpit in her hair i cannot

melissa deadass just said out loud “im here for my daughter im not here to make friends” ok everybody mark that one off on your catty women’s reality tv show bingo card!

camera man accidentally getting in the shot filming right in front of the huge wall-mirror.... what is this, amateur hour? i’ll let it slide since its the first day of filming rehearsal but step it up, boys

aw i forgot about maddie getting sick and crying :/ poor kid

melissa saying “i cant stand a chid that’s sick” sounds so edited like the intonation made it seem to me like they just cut her off mid-sentence i love lifetime

oh this was still when they were wearing normal stuff to class/rehearsal like black leotards bc they werent getting sent a trillion crazy 2-piece dancewear outfits for free yet bc they werent famous, man those were the days

Act 2:

[obligatory b-roll footage of downtown pittsburgh] 

the maddie chloe paige trio !!!! this is making me feel so nostalgic

“knees together, paige. you’re bow-legged, you need to fix that”

“you’re tall, you’re skinny, you’re a beautiful girl, you can do better than this. FOCUS” shes like 10 abby what the hell

“people think im tough and i guess i am but i would rather be the one to make your kid cry in the privacy of my studio than at an open-call audition in front of hundreds of people”

okay unpopular opinion alert: i agree with a lot of what abby says about stuff like this but her delivery is flawed, to but it euphemistically, that being said i think the production team of the show and the fame inflating her ego changed all of this somewhere over the course of the second season and its really sad to see :/ i can expand on that thought later tho

aw paige crying bc abby correcting her (but not saying anything personal or out of line, just technique corrections (at based on what we were shown, we dont know everything she said oop)) shes a sensitive kid she never should have been put on this show :( 

paige looks exactly like her mom i didnt realize that before

nia and holly were done so dirty throughout the whole series in terms of the narrative the producers set up about nia being the weakest link :/ 

Act 3:

cathy’s entire involvement in the show from the very beginning was so painfully obviously scripted (or at least heavily staged) 

vivi was also done dirty by the show’s narrative and she was only 6 and they presented her as like the butt of the joke bc her mom’s “character” was crazy and also she wasnt good at dance. i wonder how she feels about the show now that shes a teenager hmm. she really seemed not to give a fuck about dance for better or for worse when she was a kid tho so maybe she doesnt care ?

in what universe would an owner of another competitive dance studio bring her own kid to another studio more than an hour’s drive away, AND be under the impression that she could compete with them in a week, especially when they showed the kids’ and moms’ shocked reaction at the start of the episode to having to learn a dance in a week and compete it? like really what is the point of cathy and vivi being a part of this show im so ????

Act 4: 

THE MINISTER DAWN OUTBURST HOW DID I FORGET ABOUT THIS

this fight is about 50% of what got them a full season 1 and then things took off from there tbh. the other 50% was the electricity dance but thats a point for next episode..... :)

“you’re a minister act like one” “YOU’RE RIGHT I AM A MINISTER! LET’S PLAY THE BIBLE GAME ABBY, WHEN JESUS SAW THINGS THAT WERE WRONG HE WENT AFTER THEM, AND YOU’RE NOT GOING TO DO THIS TO MY KID” ma’am i think the wrongs jesus addressed were of slightly more importance than a preteen being told she cant take a dance class if shes violating the studio’s dress code

this is so good bc it wasnt staged afaik and there are regular students all throughout the building just STARING at them like lmao what even is going on, so im pretty sure this is real???

regardless, yeah dont wear socks and a tshirt to an acrobatics class, thats common fucking sense

another cameraman-in-mirror sighting, but its hard to think about angles when filming spontaneous drama like this, so i wont count it against them

“you called me fat” (i remember that being in the episode but thats not on the episode available through lifetime on demand that im watching from my moms tv hmmmmmm) “i told you to close and tuck in your two-piece costume, theres a big difference. HOW CAN YOU REMEMBER THAT BUT YOU CAN’T REMEMBER TO TURN YOUR FEET OUT” uh scream

she really called the police on this woman i cannot handle this. can you imagine being a police officer responding to this call? 

“we have a parent thats out of control. pardon? no shes doesnt have weapons, just her mouth” iconic

im sorry im still not over the hair and makeup. the flat hair with the side bangs. the black pencil eyeliner applied all the way around the eye. why did any of us think this was a look :( why did we do this :(

Act 5:

they went all the way to phoenix to compete 3 numbers, only 2 of which are shown in the episode.

i think this is the only time they ever went to west coast dance explosion because its an actual competition and they wouldnt allow filming after this lol i think they did go to wcde one weekend in addition to a competition where they were filming but it wasnt shown or mentioned at all

abby not wanting brooke and paige to have a french manicure on stage if theyre the only ones in the group with the french tips is perfectly valid idk why it was framed as some crazy micromanaging shit

i also am really not a fan of the whole “high functioning alcoholic wine mom/crazy stage mom” schtick they were pushing for the first few episodes of this show

in retrospect i feel like so many of the quips in this episode were intentionally fucking crazy just to get the audience engaged enough to want to watch more episodes...

“see those girls down there, those girls with the legs? thats who you’re up against, so step it up”

abby warning them that its dangerous for their little party hats to slip when they’re doing aerials and pirouettes and stuff: “what if you were at radio city music hall and they had the ice rink out and you were doing a side aerial and fell 13 stories down and died, huh?” fantastic point abby thank you for saying that to 5 girls ages 8-12 less than 5 minutes before they went on stage. perfect time for a teaching moment like that :)

i forgot how bad the camera work was in the first few episodes for footage of their performances. like they really didnt think the show’s audience would actually want to watch the kids dance, the producers and editors thought we just wanted to see stage mothers yelling at each other lol

also the mic feed over the music of abby talking to herself giving them corrections while watching them dance on stage.... im so glad they quit doing that. i dont remember them doing it like that for any other episode, i hope im right

this choreo is very basic and its a cute dance i guess but its very cringe in some places and for the first episode this is such a forgettable group routine

their scandalized reaction to placing third and the sad piano music is so funny honestly

and maddies reaction in the interview which was almost definitely fed to her by the producers where shes like “i win all the time i dont really know what its like to LOSE i always win or get runner up” so many of maddies lines from season 1 interviews sound so fake and she was probably too naive to know they were getting her to say that stuff so they could paint her as a conceited brat (she was EIGHT)

the trio costume was so ugly im sorry (is it supposed to be like a 50s pinup bathing suit?) (and the headband thing looks so bad) and also the music is bad but they had no real authority over that bc of copyright stuff

chloe’s headpiece coming forward and the ensuing drama was another moment in the episode that really solidified public interest in the show imho.... 

“YOU’RE IN THE BAR HAVING A DRINK AND YOUR KID’S HEADPIECE IS FALLING OFF” “it did not FALL OFF it CAME FORWARD it was FINE!!!”

“mistakes happen, we’re human.” “YOU are. mistakes like that dont happen to me”

and then the “next time on dance moms” with the WILDLY INAPPROPRIATE electricity dance, of course. genuinely that was really smart of the producers in terms of structuring things to generate intrigue lol. and obviously it ended up working....

[carl-grimxz]

Confused Feelings- Part 2

Carl Grimes x Reader

PART 2

Summary: You talk to Sasha about your problems with Carl, in the search for some clarity. Is Carl just a friend? Or could he be more? Things can probably never really be that simple.

Word Count: 3,810

Warnings: None :)

A/N: So here’s part 2! I’m really enjoying writing this and I hope you like reading it too! By the way, there will be a happy ending I promise! 

PSA: I will never write anything that has a sad ending because honestly nobody needs that and there’s too much heartbreak watching the show! I always feel like, especially with characters that are no longer living in the show, fanfic should be an opportunity to feel close to them again. ‘What could have been’. We definitely can’t lose Carl again. Anyways enjoy!

I made sure to eat my food quickly, so that I could keep and eye on Sasha as I waited for her to finish hers. It felt like she was taking forever, but that’s probably because I want to talk to her so desperately. Finally she stood up with her empty bowl and walked off to clear her bowl away. I was just about ready to go over and pull her aside when Maggie approached her and they swiftly started talking while Maggie cleared her bowl. I quietly sighed to myself. It seems near impossible to get her alone. I’ll wait patiently, there’s no real rush. 

With a smile, Sasha left Maggie and looked like she was headed over to Rick, who stood holding Judith. Sasha probably waned to go hold her, she loves that kid. Now is my chance though so as she headed over I broke into a quick walk and managed to grab her attention before she made it over there. “Hey Sasha!” I kind of yelled at her accidentally. 

I make a mental note to calm down. She turns around looking startled. “Y/N! What’s up? You scared me”. Whoops. 

“Sorry”, I apologise and giggle slightly, Sasha smiled. “I was wondering if we could have a chat?”, she looked concerned, frowning and waited for me to expand I guess. 

“Umm” I thought of how to put it. Everyone else was nearby and I didn’t really want anyone to overhear. Especially Carl who was fairly nearby stood with his dad and Judith. “There’s just something that’s been kinda bothering me and I thought you may be able to help.” I was whispering now. “If you’re not busy that is!” I added. 

“Of course, Y/N. You can talk to me about anything! I was just going to go ask Rick if I could hold Judith for a while”, I knew it, “But that can wait til later. Let’s go take a seat over in the corner”, Sasha spoke softly with a smile as she lead me off a bit where it was quiet. 

As we sat down on the floor next to each other, with our backs up against the hard wooden wall I took a shaky breath. Clearly this was stressing me out more than I thought. 

“Thanks for this.” I smiled, looking at her. Her eyes almost lit up. 

“I’m just glad you feel you can talk to me Y/N! Now what’s up?”. 

Right where do I begin? I hadn’t really thought about what I was going to say yet. “Ok, so I guess I’ll get right to it…” She watched intently while I gathered my thoughts. “Well you know Carl and I are friends?”, I asked, almost embarrassed. 

“Yeaaah?”,she smiled at me, almost like she was holding back a laugh actually. Brilliant. 

“Well, recently he’s been acting weird, like barely talking and avoiding me. At first I thought nothing much of it but it’s definitely gotten worse today. Like more obvious that something’s wrong with him”. I sighed. 

She was nodding, still silent, so I carried on. “I asked him about it… but he just brushed it off like it wasn’t a big deal at first. He didn’t wanna talk about it but I managed to get him to tell me. Well… sort of. I Still have no clue what’s going on really.” I felt like I was rambling but I really just wanted to hurry get it over with. I kind of hate talking about how I feel. 

“What did he say Y/N?”. Sasha sounded genuinely interested and set on helping me resolve this. 

“Well he said that ‘stuff has changed’, ever since the run in with those walkers the other day. Do you remember that?”. I brought my hands up to form air quotes, while describing what he said. I wanted Sasha to know his exact words. 

She laughed. “You mean when you almost died? And Carl saved you right as a walker nearly took out a chunk of your neck? Yeah I remember!”, she said so matter of factly. 

I raised my eyebrows and sighed as I continued, “Yeah well… apparently it was since then that ‘it’s different’ now”. I used air quotes again with a funny shake of my head. It was just to mock him really. It’s frustrating that I can’t understand him. I’ve always been able to read him like a book, and I don’t like that I can’t do that now! When I really need to be able to as well. Screw him. 

“Hmm” Sasha looked down at the ground and put her hand to her chin while thinking. “Before I tell you what I think”, she raised her head meeting my eyes again. “Is there anything about that whole encounter that you think he could be referring to? Anything at all?, she looked quizzically at me. 

“Well umm…” I felt weird saying this for some reason. “The only thing I can think of that was out of character, is that after Carl shot the walker he ran over and sort of..” I hesitated. 

“Yeah?”, Sasha urged me to go on. “Well he sort of… hugged me”. Why was that so hard? It was just a hug Y/N. “Like really hard, and didn’t let go… for a while. It was strange I guess. We’ve never hugged before and it was well, weird. Afterwards, when he pulled away”, I continued to explain, “He looked different. Like, in the eyes. It’s hard to explain, and I didn’t even realise it was like this at the time. It was only when Carl mentioned it earlier that I started remembering it like that. I blocked the whole event out of my memory before… cause it was scary.” That’s it. That’s all there is to say. Over to you Sasha.

“Ok” she said, looking down in thought again. I waited patiently for more from her, eyes on hers. “Ok…” she repeated herself. Ok? Wow even she’s flabbergasted, fantastic.

I still watched her silently and intently though. Waiting. 

“Y/N he likes you.” Sasha announced in a serious but cheerful tone. Huh? I furrows my brows confused, 

“Well yeah, we’re friends I mean-“, 

“No” she laughed, “Y/N you really are clueless”. I am lost. She noticed that I wasn’t grinning along with her and so she composed her self, taking a breath. I was just staring at her humourlessly. 

“Hey, I know you think you’re just friends but let me ask you something”, Lord what now?, “Haven’t you ever thought of Carl as more than a friend? Y/N I’m sorry I didn’t mean to laugh but I thought you knew! All of us think that you’ll end up together sooner or later.” Huh?! 

“I’m sorry, what? All of you? Like… the whole group?” This was getting too much. 

“Yeah…”, she replied wearily. “I mean except Carl of course!”, She tried desperately to assure me.

“No! No, I don’t think this is it.”, I affirmed, shaking my head.

“Y/N-“ she spoke softly, seeming almost sorry for me now. 

“No Sasha!” I stood up, not wanting to speak about this anymore. I’d had enough. Spent too long overthinking it is all. Everything will be normal tomorrow probably. “Thank you for your help. I appreciate it, I really do!”, I meant it. “But it’s not that” I retorted, determined to believe every word coming out of my mouth, “It just can’t be.” I added and walked away. 

I moved very quickly, arms swinging at my side, and headed for bed. I just wanted to sleep now. I was almost there when, distracted by my thoughts, I nearly walked straight into the one person I really couldn’t face talking to. 

“Y/N”, Carl spoke. 

I stopped next to him. I think he looked slightly taken aback by my harsh facial expressions. His eyebrows raised, looking almost panicked like a deer caught in the headlights. I didn’t speak so he did. 

“You uh, wanna talk now?”, he asked, sort of hopefully it seemed. But I couldn’t. Not right now anyway. I needed some time to think about what Sasha said. 

“Not really Carl.” I murmered, a little too bluntly. He looked disappointed. “I’m just… tired. Tomorrow though?”, I did still want to talk to him eventually. 

“Uh yeah, sure.” He smiled at me. I sighed, and then I smiled too. 

“Night, Y/N”. 

“Night Carl”. 

I so badly wanted to just go back to how we were before. I missed him. The him that I’ve spent years being accustomed to having around. I hate how we are right now. Then I was off again. I decided not to take one of the few sleeping bags we had. I honestly wasn’t bothered about having one, and thought I’d save it for someone else. I simply took off my outer jacket and my boots, placed the former out on a small patch of hay, curled up into a ball and shut my eyes. By now there was another fire going nearby so it wasn’t so cold at least.

 I lay with my eyes shut but my mind wide awake. The thing is… as much as I told Sasha that her theory was completely and utterly wrong and that it must be something, hell anything else bothering Carl, I couldn’t come up with anything at all that made any sense. 

Frustrated that I couldn’t just fall asleep, I open my eyes slightly, glancing around at everyone and spot Carl sat by the main fire with everyone else. I watched him for a while. The light from the fire hit his face. 

How his eyes shined. I had only very recently even noticed them, but wow they’re wonderful. Those blue hues were the envy of any summer sky. How had I never seen them like that before? 

I noticed something else as well. It was the way he looks at his family, the people he loves. His dad, his sister, Michonne. I observed as Carl watched them. There was something about the way Carl smiled. It was rare but when it happened it was almost breathtaking. He had the kind of smile that made you feel happy to be alive and feel just that little bit more human. It gave me butterflies. 

That has never happened before. For a split second everything stopped and his smile pierced through all the bad in my life and all was well again. I shut my eyes in shock, scared to look at him any longer. As I rolled over, I couldn’t help but think, Sasha might know what she’s talking about after all.

I woke up earlier than most of the group. I didn’t sleep very well. All the thoughts of Carl racing around my head prevented me. How I think I may actually be starting to like him as more than a friend... but also how I didn’t believe at all that he reciprocated those feelings. 

I just find it hard to believe that he could feel that way about me. We had always just been friends. I didn’t know how everyone else saw something more between us, when I only realised it myself last night. If Sasha willingly told me that everyone else believed that, then what if someone had brought it up to Carl as well. That would explain why his strange behaviour was so sudden. 

His conversation with Michonne could have been similar to my one with Sasha. Above all else though the thought that kept coming back while I tried so hard to sleep last night was that no matter what, I could never act on my new found feelings. Never. 

I wish that I could be happy about the fact that I like Carl. I should be right? I should be over the moon that my heart has chosen his. But I’m not happy about it. As well as the fact that I know he doesn’t feel the same way, ever since everything went to shit. I’ve always told myself that for me, this world would never be a place for love. Not this kind. Either you’ll end up dying and leaving them or they’ll die and leave you. That’s something that I’ve seen first hand. That kind of loss can and will destroy you. I don’t think I could ever put myself or anyone else through that. Losing the one person that means absolutely everything to you. You can’t even imagine. It must be like a part of your own soul ripping off and leaving with them. 

So that’s why this whole scenario sucks so bad. I refuse to fall in love, only to have my heart broken one day along the line. Sooner or later. It’s what always happens.

As much as I’d like to just stay here in the corner and block it all out, I figured I should probably get up and face whatever today had to throw at me. Before I did so however, I wanted to know if anyone else was actually awake. It was pretty early after all. I could tell cause the sun hadn’t even come up yet. 

My tired eyes lazily scanned around at all of the sleeping bodies around me and I realised that we were all quite close together. To keep as warm as possible with the body heat I’m assuming. Sasha was the nearest to me. Sound asleep with her coat hood pulled up around her head. Obviously it was freezing because we can’t exactly sleep with the fire lit all night right next to us. 

I’m glad she was by me though. Somehow it made me come to the conclusion that she wasn’t mad at me for snapping at her and then just walking off last night. That’s the closest thing we’ve ever had to an argument and I was really worried that I’d upset her. Especially because I later decided that she was probably right. 

Carl, on the other hand was as far away from me as he could get. He was also fast asleep, just like everyone else. Carl was lying there holding Judith, next to his dad. We usually slept next to each other but somehow I can’t see that happening again. 

I watched as his chest raised and then fell softly. He looked very calm as he slept. More so than he ever does awake. His facial features were soft and relaxed, very different to how they’ve been the past couple days. 

Anyway Y/N concentrate. Just one person was awake. It was Michonne. She was sat over by the main fire keeping warm by the looks of it. She had her back to us, facing the large cabin door. She must be on watch. 

I stood up being as quiet as I could possibly be, put my jacket that I was using as a bed on and crept passed everyone. 

On my way over to join Michonne I thought about how yesterday I would have quite liked some time alone with her to talk about Carl and ask her what was up with him. Now though I would really rather not talk about Carl with her. I don’t want to talk about him at all actually. As I got close she heard me coming and turned around. 

She smiled at me and I returned the smile. I’m really fond of Michonne actually. She’s always been nothing but kind to me and she does a lot for Carl. He loves her and she’s very maternal towards him. He needs that sometimes. 

I joined the group just after Carl lost his mother but from what I’ve heard from him and Maggie, it almost broke him to say the least. Michonne is good for Carl. 

“You’re up early” she said with a hint confusion, as I took a seat across from her, as close to the fire as I could get. 

“Yeah, uh I couldn’t really sleep”. 

“Oh yeah I forgot! You went to bed early didn’t you?”.

I hesitated for a second. I didn’t know what to say without bringing up you know who. “I guess I was really tired last night”. It was true. I may have missed out a few minor details but I didn’t lie. 

She sat there blankly staring at me for a second, and then she hit me with a question I really didn’t expect. “Hey has it got anything to do with Carl?”. She whispered, looking around to make sure nobody heard I’m assuming. I was caught so off guard that I struggled to even think of what to say.

I’m sure my face was full of shock, “No, why?”. I panicked. I couldn’t have sounded less convincing if I tried. I could feel my cheeks heat up and just knew that they were bright red. 

“Mmhmm”. Michonne crossed her arms and looked at me with a smirk.

“What do you mean ‘Mmhmm’?” I whisper- shouted. I don’t think I sounded aggressive... just a little hysterical.

She leant over closer to me. “Y/N listen. You two are normally joined at the hip,” she looked at me, eyebrows raised as if both amused and stunned at the same time. I said nothing. “ and now you’ve barely spoken in what, like two, three days? So just tell me what’s up”. 

I was dumbfounded. I couldn’t think of a way out of this as I sat silently trying to think of what to say. My one goal was to avoid talking about Carl with her, and now here I am, about to reluctantly do just that. 

She persevered, “I may be able to help Y/N”. Her face changed. Before it felt like she was teasing me more than anything. Now she seems more empathetic.

I rolled my eyes, sighing and moved closer towards her, noticing that a few people were starting to wake. Not Carl though, thankfully. “Fine”, I said exasperated. “Long story short, I noticed he started acting weird and avoiding me after he went off to talk to you the day that walker nearly bit me. I asked him why but he didn’t say much really. After that I spoke to Sasha about it and she seems to think it’s cause he likes me all of a sudden. You know… like like’s me. I told her no way, and that’s it”. 

“Why don’t you think he likes you?”

“Huh?”

“Well maybe he does like you as more than a friend. How do you know he doesn’t?”.

I didn’t need to think too hard about this one. I was answering this in my head all night. “Because! It’s Carl! We’re friends. We’ve always been friends. There’s just no way. Plus he’s never shown me any signs that he likes me! I think I’d know if he did, Michonne”.

“Well that’s just it. It’s Carl! He’s so hard to read. He almost always keeps his emotions and thoughts locked right away. I don’t think he likes people being able to get inside his head.” 

She looked deep in thought, trying to work it all out. “Y/N you’re normally the one who manages to bring out his sensitive side. He is most relaxed when he’s with you. Everyone knows that”. 

Here we go again with the ‘everyone’. As if they all have it sussed and I’m the only one that’s left out of the loop. I won’t tell her about how I feel for Carl. That’ll only make this worse. As far as anyone else knows, he’s a friend, that’s it. 

“But I think Sasha’s right! He doesn’t want anyone to know how he feels, least of all you! He hates being vulnerable, cause when you’re vulnerable you can get hurt easily”. Well she’s got that right. “He’s probably trying to hide his feelings and pretend they don’t exist. That way nobody gets hurt”. 

By now everyone was awake, including Carl who was sat playing with Judith. I have to wrap this conversation up, in case anyone overhears. There’s just one thing. Michonne looks as if she’s hiding something. I dunno why… The look in her eyes. She’s not telling me something.

“How are you so sure Michonne?”.

She looked around at the others. More specifically at Carl, I’m assuming. 

“He has said something…”, she looked sort of guilty. “I said I wouldn’t say anything”.

She was internally deciding whether to tell me or not. I gave Michonne a look of desperation. I really had to know whatever she was keeping from me. 

She spoke again, “Ok he’ll probably thank me in the long run”. I watched her intently, hanging on every last word.

She spoke softly. “The conversation he and I had. The day you were nearly bit”, my eyes widened ever so slightly. I’ve been dying to know what they talked about! “We were sat around the fire, and you were talking to Sasha and Rosita I think. I noticed Carl staring into the fire, and thought he looked sort of sad so I brought him away to talk, to see if he was ok”.

“Yeah I noticed the two of you go”, I remember watching them go off to the side and wishing I could hear what they were saying. The serious looks on their faces concerned me.

Michonne continued, “So I asked him what was up and he was reluctant to say anything at all at first. I didn’t believe him when he said he was fine so I kept pressing on”.

Yeah you’re good at that! 

She sensed in my face that I wanted her to get to the point, so she did so. “Basically Y/N, I know you insist he’s just a friend… but he told me that after nearly losing you to that walker he realised how much you meant to him. He mentioned a certain hug you had after he saved you. He said it was like one of those light bulb moments. Everything switched and he noticed his feelings for you start to change.”

“He told me he likes you Y/N… and that he doesn’t know what to do. He’s scared of how he feels. But he told me one thing though… that you couldn’t find out”.

I was in complete and utter shock. I never would have believed it in a million years. I didn’t want to believe it but here we are.

“Oh”, is all I could say. She gave me a sympathetic look.

“Y/N… Do you like him back?”

I thought for a minute. I looked up and saw Carl glance at me for a second. We made eye contact momentarily, and then his attention went back to his dad who he was having a conversation with. I then look back at Michonne feeling quite detached. 

“It doesn’t matter. Nothing like that can ever work out”.

[devilsmagic]

more than just a game for two | chapter 4

Truths are told.

AO3 Link

It had become clear to Amy at some point before saying goodnight to Iris at three am that morning, that they had not thought things through. In the exhilaration of meeting her sister – her twin sister – and the excitement of getting to experience what having a real dad was like, Amy hadn’t stopped to think about consequences.

She wasn’t exactly surprised. Consequences wasn’t generally something that took up much of her brain power. But as she tossed and turned that night, the tendrils of anxiety reaching out and wrapping themselves around her stomach, it dawned on her that she was alone. Her mother was halfway around the world, caring for a different version of Amy. She couldn’t just crawl into her mother’s bed, fingertips frozen and lip trembling, and have her mum know exactly what to do to help her feel better. Lucy would run her fingers through Amy’s hair and down her back, humming a tune that Amy could only call home. The feeling and the sound would lull Amy to sleep, and in the morning the two would talk it out, picking apart Amy’s thoughts and feelings until they got to the root of her anxiety.

Amy didn’t need to talk to her mother to know that her current state was a direct result of the plan she had formed with Iris – the only way the two girls could switch back. But still, she craved her mother’s warmth, her love and smell; her comforting presence.

The next morning, she felt just as bad, if not worse. Her stomach turned as she walked down the stairs, the scent of breakfast hanging in the air. The thought of eating made her feel worse, and the fact that it made her feel worse made Amy feel even worse. It was a vicious cycle and she just wanted to go home. A far cry from how she had felt the day before, floating in a watering hole with the sun caressing her face.

“Hey, kiddo!” Uncle Gabe greeted from where he was frying up some pancakes.

“Morning,” she replied, studying Iris’ uncle, trying to brand the moment into her memory. She’d had so much fun the last couple of days, but Iris was right. It was time they both returned to their rightful places.

Her smile was small as she thanked Gabriel who placed a modest stack of pancakes in front of her. Usually the two pancakes would be nowhere near enough to fill her up, but today she struggled to take a single bite.

He sat on the stool next to Amy and scoffed down his own breakfast before turning to her, a drop of maple syrup clinging to his stubble, and examining her.

“You’re been weird lately.”

“No, I haven’t,” was her knee-jerk response.

“You most definitely have. Ever since you got back from camp, you’ve been…” he searched for the right word, eyes never once leaving hers. “Okay, level with me, kid. Every time you leave the house you act like a tourist. We went to the corner store the other day and it was almost like you had no idea where you were going. You’re eating enough food for two Iris’, which you know, you’re a growing girl but you’ve never had this kind of appetite before. So what’s up?”

Gabriel eyes were boring holes into Amy and she squirmed. The plan she had concocted with Iris the night before included having to involve Gabriel in their deception. Iris couldn’t think of another way to convince her father to take a trip to America, especially considering that Iris had technically just returned from there (or so he thought). The only way to do so was if Gabriel helped to gang up on him, and the only way to ensure that happened was to come clean.

Amy wasn’t very good at coming clean.

“Okay, look,” Amy said, dropping the light, airy voice she’d adopted for the last few days. “Here’s the sitch.”

Gabe raised his eyes, but didn’t say anything, giving Amy the space to continue.

“I’m not Iris.”

Silence filled the room.

“Huh?”

Amy sighed, knowing that she was going to have to tell the full - and lengthy - story.

“Long story short, my name is Amy. I’m Iris’ twin sister. We met at camp and thought it would be cool to switch places for a bit. I mean, I never had a real father growing up and Iris, well you know that she hasn’t really had a mother, and we wanted to see what it was like, only now we need to switch back because Mum is apparently into some guy that I’ve never met and Iris might be my twin but she’s very much not me and we thought we could meet up at Disneyland or something and switch back without anyone knowing but I have no idea how I’m supposed to convince Da-, I mean Garcia, to take us on a trip back to America, not to mention that Iris is going to struggle, too because really, college professors aren’t exactly the top ea-”

“Iris, stop.”

Amy took a deep breath, before looking back up at Gabe’s flabbergasted face. She fought against squirming has he looked at her, well and truly looked at her. The tiny scar just above her right eyebrow, her eyes which were just a dash greener than Iris’, they way she stared back defiantly despite her nerves.

“Not Iris?”

Amy quirked up one side of her mouth in a half-smirk. “Not Iris. Amy.”

“Amy.”

“Did I short-circuit your brain? Are you alright, Gabe?”

“Uhhhh,” he reached a hand out and poked Amy in the cheek.

The front door slammed and as Garcia strode into the room.

“Don’t mind me, family,” he announced, as he strode through the kitchen to the dining room table. “Just forgot some paperwork.”

Garcia paused as he turned back around to see his brother staring at Amy like he’d never seen her before, and Amy watching Garcia with skittish eyes.

“Is everything okay?” he asked.

“Yup, all good!” Iris squeaked back and he narrowed his eyes.

“Okay,” he said, elongating the word until it filled the room. “I’ll see you two tonight.”

“Have a good day, dad.”

Amy’s smile didn’t seem to fit her face right, but Garcia shrugged it off as he walked away.

The sound of the door slamming shut behind him seemed to pull Gabriel out of his stupor. He blinked at Amy.

“So, are you doing to help me or what?” she crossed her arms and turned steel eyes on Iris’ uncle.

**

“Hey, Jiya?” Iris called from across the living room.

Jiya was sat at the dining room table, doing some last-minute checks on A report before sending it off. Iris had peeked over her shoulder earlier and had gone slightly cross-eyed at the sheer amount of numbers on the screen. She had retreated into the living room, staring blankly at the television while she waited for Jiya to finish. She lasted fifteen minutes before her nerves got the best of her.

“Yeah?”

Iris waited until Jiya had looked up from her computer screen.

“Are you going to be much longer? There’s something I would like to talk to you about.”

Jiya raised a thick brow. “Just give me a couple more minutes, Ames.”

Iris nodded and, true to her word, two minutes later Jiya hit send on her email and walked over to sit next to Iris on the couch.

“What’s up, buttercup?”

Iris took a deep breath and threaded her fingers together on her lap.

“I’ve been thinking-”

“That was your first mistake.” Iris shot an exasperated look at Jiya as the woman fought against a snort of laughter. “My bad, continue.”

“Right so, I’ve been thinking that it would be good for us to get away for a few days, as a family.”

“Us?”

“You, me and mum, of course.”

“Of course. That’s cute. What did your mother say?”

Iris pressed her hands together tighter to stop herself from fidgeting.

“I’ve only brought it up once, but I think she seemed interested in the idea.”

Jiya didn’t reply, just looked at Iris with an intensity that made her a little uncomfortable. It was as if the woman could see right through her.

“What?”

“There’s just something so different about you. I can’t put my finger on it.”

“What do you mean? There’s nothing different about me.”

“Oh yes there is, and I’m not the only one who’s noticed. Just ask Mason.”

The large dog lifted his head at the sound of his name. He eyed Iris – who he no longer barked at but still wasn’t losing his shit when he saw her – before lowering his head back onto his front paws.

“I really don’t know what’s gotten into that dog,” Iris replied with a nervous laugh.

Being caught out by Jiya was not part of the plan. The less people that knew about the switch, the better for the two girls. Uncle Gabe needed to know because he was the only one who could convince her dad to take time off and ship them all off to America for some quality family time, and telling him was the only way that Iris could think of where Gabe would agree to help them. But she was confident that she could convince Jiya to help without telling the truth about who she was. She hadn’t counted on Jiya noticing that Iris wasn’t Amy.

“Listen, you don’t need to tell me what’s up with you. It’s your business and I can respect that you need your privacy. But I need you to know that you can come to me with anything, alright? And if you need me to promise not to tell your mother, as long as it’s not something that she honest to god needs to know about, I promise it’ll stay between the two of us.”

Tears jumped into Iris’ eyes and she tried to swallow them down.

“Thank you, Jiya. That means a lot,” she whispered before throwing herself into Jiya’s arms. “I uh, I may take you up on that at some point.”

Iris was so incredibly tempted to spill the beans, but she didn’t feel comfortable doing so without talking it through with Amy first. She knew that it would be Amy who would have to deal with the fall out once they’d switched back, and while she was confident that she could deal with Uncle Gabe once we got home, she didn’t want to throw her sister to the wolves.

She rubbed away any trace of tears as she pulled away from Jiya and gave her a genuine smile.

“I’ll talk to your mother about going away. Did you have any ideas on where?”

“Disneyland?” Iris said with a sheepish grin.

Jiya let out a bark of laughter as Lucy arrived home with a giant smile of her own.

“Honeys, I’m home,” Lucy said as she walked into the room and sat herself down on Iris’ other side with a kiss on the girl’s cheek. “Jiya, you wouldn’t happen to be free to babysit this troublemaker tonight?”

Iris’ stomach dropped as Jiya replied in the affirmative.

“Awesome, because I have a date.”

“Sranje! Sto bih sad trebala raditi? Ne bih trebao biti onaj koji se bavi ovom sranom!”

“Uhhh, what?” Jiya asked.

“Was that…Croatian?” Lucy asked with complete bewilderment.

“Oh I uh, I learned it at camp,” Iris said with a straight face, willing the two women to believe her. “A date, wow. With Wyatt?”

“Yeah,” Lucy eyed Iris, choosing to let the weirdness go for now. Even still, she couldn’t remove the smile from her face.

“You liiiiiiiiiiiiiiike him,” Jiya jested.

“Shut up,” Lucy laughed. “Yeah, I do. I don’t know, it’s been a while since I’ve felt like this.”

Later that night, Iris plastered a smile on her face and was on her best behavior when Wyatt came to pick up Lucy for their date. As soon as the door had shut behind Lucy and Wyatt, Jiya turned to Iris.

“Croatian?”

Iris sighed. “I think we need to talk.”

[crushingonrazz]

React

This is not part of the OT3 timeline, I just felt like breaking some hearts with this ship. You're welcome.

I love the headcanon where Red has only had the human come through once, just with a bunch of saves and loads, because they are genuinely kind and they don't want to hurt anyone. Then, of course, Blue has never been through a reset (because that's the Orangey Asshole's job XD) So that leaves Sans alone with the experience. Fun fun fun for everyone!

Violence and self-harm warnings. Everyone is a dick except Blue, as usual.

Support Me

Sans slammed his plate into the sink, spinning around to face Red. He was sitting at the table, and he didn’t immediately seem to notice the other’s outrage. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Red looked shocked at his outburst, eyes wide as he reveiwed what he had said. He didn’t seem to find any immediate fault in it, his brow knitting in confusion.

And damn it if that didn’t piss Sans off even more.

“Just...don’t even bother!” he yelled, stalking out of the room and passing a very confused Blue on the way.

“Sans? What--”

“I would tell you to ask him --” Sans gestured at where Red had appeared around the edge of the doorway, looking absolutely flabbergasted. “--but he can’t even figure out what he fucking did!”

Blue stood still for a moment, watching him stomp up the stairs. “...Then why don’t you tell him what he did so that he can--”

“Because if I try, I’ll say something I’ll regret!”

He slammed the door shut behind him, and after a moment, Blue slowly turned to look at Red, raising a brow.

“Dare I even ask?”

Sans wiped angrily at the tears leaking from his eye sockets, trying to force himself to stop crying. To say the least, it didn’t work. He was curled up in bed, facing away from the door with his knees tucked up into his chest.

They had no idea. Neither of them. They had no goddamn idea what it was like, how it felt to--

The door creaked open, a stream of light accompanying the new arrival. “Go fuck yourself,” Sans mumbled, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment.

“I’m not Red, so I won’t make a poorly-constructed joke out of that.”

Sans choked on a snicker as Blue stepped into the room, closing the door carefully behind him and coming to sit on the edge of the bed. Sans was reminded, suddenly, of days back underground, when he had woken up and immediately wanted to go back to sleep. He’d been...not tired, exactly, though exhaustion was almost always pulling down on his body in those days. He’d just not wanted to be awake, to have to force a smile anymore, to escape back into the abyss of his dreams and never come back. On those days, Papyrus would come into his room, sitting on the edge of the bed just like Blue was doing now, lending his semi-silent companionship in a usually fruitless attempt to help him get out of his own mind.

He squeezed his eyes shut again, blocking out the memories as best he could.

“Please tell me what’s wrong?”

Sans hesitated for a moment before he cracked his eyes open, glancing up at the other. Blue was looking at him so earnestly, so full of hope and love, just like he always did.

Sans sighed, turning back over and burying his face into his pillow. “You wouldn’t understand.”

There was a beat of silence, then the bed creaked as Blue pushed himself up to lay next to him, wrapping his arms around Sans and pulling him in close. “I can try?”

Sans tensed slightly in the hold before making himself relax, taking deep breaths as he willed himself not to cry. “D-does your brother ever...does he ever have nightmares? Like, really bad ones, where he wakes up screaming?”

Blue stiffened slightly against him, and Sans took that as a yes, pushing onwards. “I used to get those. Really bad, I would just...Paps said my magic would all react to it, and it looked like I was on fire. But then…” he paused, searching for words. His tears seemed to have disappeared, a cold sort of emptiness replacing it as he found himself half-lost in his memories. “Then the resets started. The bad ones, where the human k-killed everyone. And it sort of started to feel like maybe it was real life that was the nightmare. It didn’t even feel real , sometimes. So I thought...you know...maybe I just needed to wake up?” His voice broke, which confused him. He felt Blue’s grip on him tighten, and he glanced down at where he could see the other’s arms wrapped around him, reaching up to trail his fingers along the bones, grounding himself in the act and the feeling of his lover pressed so tightly against him. His mind started to come back, and he shook his head slightly, pulling himself out of the past and into the present.

“Red thinks he...he knows how I…” he took a shuddering breath, then continued shakily. “He keeps...making comments, like he...like he understands it. Like he knows what it felt like, because he’s had a different sort of...of pain. Do you...am I making sense?”

“...What did he say?”

Sans blinked slightly at the somewhat unexpected question. He’d honestly expected Blue to just kiss the side of his head and tell him that Yes, of course you make sense. It’s all going to be alright, I’m sure you’ll feel better!

“He made a pun about resetting. Something about how I should re-set the table before you “took a page out of our book” and judged me.”

There was a strangely uncomfortable silence, then Blue loosened his hold slightly before saying, “Don’t you think you might be overreacting a little bit?”

Sans stiffened completely, his eyes narrowing. What?

Blue hugged him tighter again, backpedaling quickly. “I’m not saying that what you just told me, about the resets, isn’t something to be upset over. Not at all, I completely...I just...I don’t think Red meant to--”

Sans pulled away violently, pushing himself up to sit and glaring down at Blue. The other looked extremely uncomfortable, as though unsure how to dig himself out of the hole he knew he had just dug himself into. He sat up slowly, looking at Sans as his face flushed slightly. “Sans, I know you don’t want to hear it, but he’s sorry, I’m sure. If you told him what you just told me, he would--”

“And how the hell would you know that?!”

Blue flinched slightly at the tone of Sans’ voice, looking as though he was at a complete loss for words.

“You aren’t like us! You have even less of an idea of how his mind works than I do! Y-you’re just...a perfect little version of us that’s never had a hard day in his life!”

Blue’s mouth dropped open, and his sockets darkened slightly before he pushed himself off the bed and stood, walking quickly out of the room and slamming the door behind him. Sans felt an empty sort of satisfaction at the action, proof that the angel wasn’t perfectly happy all the time.

Then guilt washed over him, and he brought his knees up to his chest, lowering his head and beginning to sob.

Red was sitting on the couch, wringing his hands and staring blankly at the floor, when he heard the door slam. He glanced up, surprised to see that the angry one was now Blue. He stood cautiously, worried, for a moment, that he’d accidentally done something so horrendous that now everyone was mad at him. Blue spotted him, his eyes immediately flooding over with tears, his vulnerability all too apparent as he began to cry quietly, descending the stairs quickly and disappearing into the kitchen.

Red just stood there for a few moments, trying to decide if it would make things worse to try and comfort him.

He was still standing there, stuck in indecision, when the bedroom door creaked open and Sans peeked through, his face streaked with his blue-dyed tears. He came downstairs cautiously, looking around uncertainly for a moment and avoiding Red’s eye. Red took a deep breath, then crossed the room, bringing his arms up to offer a hug.

Sans shot him a glare, and he dropped them immediately, his face falling. He shoved his hands deep into his coat pockets, looking down at the ground before he got up the courage to speak in the face of his very angry boyfriend.

“Sans, I’m really sorry. I don’t know what I did, but I--”

Sans huffed, looking away. “I’m not down here to listen to your apologies. I’m here to apologize to Blue.”

Red narrowed his eyes. “What did you do to Blue?”

A look of extreme guilt passed through his face before he ducked his head, folding his arms against his chest and staring blankly down at the floor. “I...I told him he didn’t understand. B-because he’s not...like us?”

“ Excuse me?”

Sans glared up at him, any trace of guilt gone at Red’s tone. “Shut the fuck up, he was taking your damn side! Of course I got upset!”

Red’s mouth was hanging open, unable to believe that the other had taken out his unexplained anger on the kindest person in the multiverse. “What the fuck did I even do ?!”

“You were making puns about the damn resets!”

Red snorted slightly, throwing his hands up into the air. “Are you kidding me?! That’s what you’re so pissed about? It’s not even a problem an--”

Sans stepped forward suddenly, getting into Red’s face and causing him to take a step back. “Why the hell would you think it’s okay to joke about the worst thing that’s ever happened to me?”

Red glared at him. “Shut your damn...Everyone’s makin’ jokes about my damn LV, or jumping out from around corners and scarin’ the ever-living shit outta me, thinking they’re hilarious! You get used to it!”

Sans pushed away the tears threatening to reform in his sockets. “That doesn’t make it okay for you to--”

“No, it just makes it okay to fuckin’ hurt Blue! What the hell is wrong with me ?! Seriously?!”

“You have no idea what it’s like!”

“Do I have to? My life was as shitty as they come! You couldn’t step outside without getting dust in your damn mouth!”

“At least you never had to watch Papyrus die! At least you didn’t have to live in a world that kept repeating, over and over and over again!” Red opened his mouth, but Sans kept talking, yelling over him. “At least you n-never...broke your own damn fingers, just to see how far you c-could push your HP, just for one thing to be fucking different! You’ve never had to murder the same damn demon in a child’s body a thousand times in a row just because they couldn’t seem to dodge your fucking blasters, even though you know they’ve done this a million times by now!” His chest was heaving, and Red looked as though he’d been stabbed.

Behind him, there was a small noise, and he turned to see Blue standing behind  him in the kitchen doorway, his arms wrapped around himself. He was staring at Sans blankly, perfect little angelic tears running down his face.

Sans hesitated, then took half a step forward. Before he could make any move to comfort him, however, Red was there, tucking Blue’s head into his chest and shushing him softly as he started to sob. Something in Sans’ soul hardened, and he folded his arms across his ribcage, glaring at the floor as he came to a decision, somewhere in the irrational part of his mind.

“Fucking fine, then. It’s not like you need me.”

He spun around, snatching his coat off of the back of the couch and throwing it over his shoulders. Behind him, the others stared after him blankly, not piecing together exactly what was going on. It was as he wrenched open the front door that Blue cried out, “S-sans, no, wait--”

Sans slammed the door behind him, the tears that had been filling his eyes for some time finally pooling over and streaking his face.

They would never understand.