#i am genuinely curious about if people genuinely think it's meaningful when they respond with ''so am i'' to ''i'm depressed''.

[swamp-world]

"Why are we exclusivising behaviours everyone experiences" because something like RSD for example is not, in fact, something everyone experiences. It is a symptom and has a name for a goddamn reason. The literal point of it being dysphoria is that it is disproportionate and difficult to manage. Dyphoria is not just "I felt bad", it is often anxiety. Like. @goodguydotmp3 is 100% right and I am so fucking tired of this rhetoric repackaged as being "humanizing" and "the emotionally mature thing to do".

A disability is a disability for a reason and you need to fucking get comfortable with that fact.

The idea of "pathologizing vs humanizing" and "using it as an excuse or cop-out" and "it's not relatable" is so transparently uninterested in actual mental health, wellness, and any acknowledgement of what mental illness and disability actually are, and while here the example is directed at ADHD and RSD, which are the Hot New Brain Worms Of The Month, the logic is a million times more insidious and often seems, if you haven't been on the receiving end of it, to be good and sound. But like.

A condition is often a condition for a reason, and those conditions can be Fucking Debilitating. This applies even if you experience the same condition as the person you are speaking to. If someone says to you "I'm sorry about this thing, I am severely depressed" it's actually pretty fucking gross to say "So what, I'm depressed too" (a thing which I and many others have experienced, and which has been gleefully shared in the notes of this post).

Frankly, it actually strikes me as worse in a lot of ways to act like a condition is universal, and that us both being depressed cancels out like a math equation, or that you are depressed in an identical way to me, or to the same degree, or in the same circumstances, than it does to say "I'm sorry I did XYZ thing, situations like this have been difficult for me or volatile because I have depression".

Like. Has the whole point of mental health activism not been the literal Invisibility Of Mental Illness???

The second response demonstrated by OP demands obscuration of the disability or condition or situation. To claim that it's pathologizing and therefore bad to use the phrases which are formally recognized, have been given to you to describe your circumstances and situations, and are literally designed to give phrasing to experiences so that you can identify and work with them more easily, is fucking insane.

Frankly the idea of "humanize your mental illness instead of pathologizing it" is just a reworded version of "don't use the scary medical words that might indicate that you have an actual medical condition because then people have to acknowledge the reality of your situation instead of just getting to believe that you are a bad and/or lazy person". It is functionally just "It's just easier for everyone else if you don't actually say that you're disabled and frame things as a personal failing instead of a contextualized struggle, so you should just not say it".

Because vital to note is that this wasn't "make sure you aren't ending at using clinical terms to explain your response to a situation", it was "use Normal People Words instead".

God this feels like such a fucking nuclear comparison but if court systems can have a fucking Not Criminally Responsible clause—where a person is literally understood to be mentally ill in a way that they literally, in fact, cannot take responsibility for their actions (which apparently is the "emotionally mature thing to do")—then you should be able to fucking integrate that idea into your day-to-day life, and at much less severe levels.

The other implication of this post (intentional or not), specifically the reblog with the tags on it, is that mental illnesses are not in fact as severe as people are making them out to be. RSD does not mean "You said something to me and it hurt my feelings", it is a clinical lack of ability to regulate emotions and responses, and to acknowledge that is not to pathologize, or to excuse, but to understand that this is a core symptom of the medical condition that a person has been diagnosed with.

The issue is not in most cases that I think that my experiences are unique and need to be explained in clinical language to The Other People Who Couldn't Possibly Understand My Feelings, it's that there is some modifier to those shared feelings, and that modifier is not shared, and is likely not self-evident. To refuse to acknowledge the difference between that and the idea that a person is "self-alienating" through using clinical language is transparently uninterested in the actual matter at hand, or at any attempt to get a ground level understanding of disability, mental illnessness, and what it actually means.

And as the above poster mentioned, jesus christ, extend this logic to anything beyond the more publicized conditions like anxiety, depression, ADHD, etc. to anything such as bipolar disorders, schizophrenia and related conditions, psychosis, personality disorders, etc. and it becomes much more obvious how this rhetoric is used as a cudgel.

Other people are more qualified and better-spoken on the matter of the fact that The Core Issue With Hallucinations And Delusions Is That You Are Unable To Distinguish Them From Material Reality, but like. That feels worth mentioning here.

Not to mention things like (hypo-)mania, where you may not have control over your actions, or do things you otherwise would not do. I know of at least three people in my life who, sometimes in efforts to treat other disabilities (mental and physical alike), have experienced workplace issues because of mania, and in at least two of those cases they were given compassionate medical leave because they Had A Medical Condition, not discipline because they refused to take responsibility for their actions which apparently is "the emotionally responsible thing to do".

Because the core of it is: mental illness and disability are things that happen to people, not things that other people are doing. And when things happen to you, things that you do become difficult for you and everyone else. And the idea that acknowledging and explaining that fact to other people is not humanizing or is alienating or is avoiding the problem or not taking responsibility or pathologizing instead of...experiencing often invisible situations which often are not just out of your control but actively remove your control over yourself?? The idea that explaining or acknowledging that doesn't actually lend anything to the situation, even when it is a part of reality and ought to be recognized as such, and that even when there are literally medically-recognized conditions that contribute to an action or response, the person should still take responsibility for their actions that medically they are often unable or significantly more challenged to control??? Responsibility not as in, I must respond to this matter and attempt to correct it, but responsibility as in ownership of the action or blame on an immediate level???

That feels pretty gross.

Sick list of symptoms bro. Now try humanizing your behavior instead of pathologizing it.

[synesindri]

Survey Writing Guide: Fandom Edition

Sooo! People are collecting survey data on fandom! Makes sense — fandom is an interesting population to study, and getting data on attitudes/behaviors/etc is a great way to try to find out the truth about popular points of contention about media. To get unbiased, meaningful data, though, you’ll want to make sure your survey is in good shape. This is a guide to try to help you do that.

I am assuming, if you are reading this, that you want your survey to be unbiased and interpretable, sampling from as many viewpoints as possible and getting data on opinions you might agree and disagree with. In other words, I am assuming that you want to do your fandom research in good faith. If that is not why you are making a fandom survey, then you can ignore this whole post. I would ask you to reconsider running a bad-faith fandom survey, but I can’t stop you. But just know that my assumption is that you’re out here in the honest pursuit of truth.

I’m not accusing a survey of being done in bad faith if it doesn’t follow my suggestions. I also realize most people are conducting these surveys in their spare time because they’re passionate & curious, not for the purpose of serious publication or whatever. I’m not telling you that you have to follow all or even any of the advice here. Do what you feel good about doing. Fandom should be fun! 

This guide is only about surveys themselves, and will not help you get a good sample of your fandom. In other words, none of this advice will make sure your survey reaches obscure corners of your fandom, insular communities you aren’t in, or casual fans. A good survey is important, but it’s only one part of getting accurate data, and participation recruitment is a whole other thing. 

This is also only intended to help with survey setup, not analysis or results reporting. You can write a great, unbiased, easy to understand survey, and still present your results in a way that is biased/doesn’t include good information/is hard to understand. Furthermore, once your results are public, they’re out of your hands: you might be well-meaning, but please keep in mind that some people might use your data to make unfair or incorrect assumptions about others, support biased arguments, or generally behave unpleasantly. That’s just part of survey work; don’t let it stop you, but don’t be surprised if/when it happens.

Now, onto the survey tips ~

Think about how to structure your questions

Use multiple choice answers/avoid free response answers as much as possible. This is going to be really helpful for you when it’s time to analyze your data: it’s so much easier to analyze responses that are just clicks of a box than responses that require you to read someone’s long explanation of an opinion and try to figure out what they mean. It also makes answering easier on your participants: clicking a box is a lot easier for them than writing out what they think. Giving an option for them to expand on their answer in a free response text box is great, but try to capture as many possible responses as you can in multiple choice questions.

Consider: should participants be able to give more than one response per question? A good rule of thumb for this is if different responses to a question are mutually exclusive or not: if they are mutually exclusive, only give people the option of clicking one box; if they’re not, let them choose as many as they want. For example, if you want to know somebody’s ONE favorite season of a show, only let them choose one season. If you want to know ALL the seasons they like, give them the option to choose multiple.

Only include one question per question 

A LOT of surveys ask questions that are actually several questions in one, and that makes answering them difficult! For example, you might THINK you’re only asking one thing if you say “Are you introverted or shy?” as a yes/no question, but that is actually two questions: some people are introverted but not shy; some people are shy but not introverted; some people are both introverted and shy, and some people are neither. People who respond “yes” might mean they are one or the other or both, and people who respond “no” might mean they are one or the other or neither — and you’ll have no way of knowing, because your question was too ambiguous.

If you’re asking a question about a nuanced topic, make sure your question and possible responses are nuanced too

People in fandom have a lot of complex views, and giving them only a black-and-white way to tell you about those views means you will miss out on nuance and get inaccurate results. If you are wondering about opinions on a controversial pairing, asking “Do you think it’s okay to ship Reylo?” (for example) and only letting people respond yes or no is not going to capture the range of opinions that exist on Reylo. If you can include multiple answer boxes for people to click, do that! 

Analyzing free response data (where people can write their own answer) is hard on you, as the survey writer, and people might not feel like explaining their opinions. Definitely include a free response box if you want, but also provide a lot of options for responses. 

The more controversial the topic you’re asking about, the more nuance you should let your participants give in their responses. People in fandom often have very strong and very complex opinions about certain issues; you’ll want to make sure not to flatten those opinions too much, while still keeping them simple enough to analyze. Asking “do you enjoy reading fluff?” is (probably) not going to be too complicated, and you’ll likely be fine giving people 2-3 response options (yes/always, sometimes, no/never). But you should give a lot more response options if you’re asking “is it ever acceptable to ship two siblings together?”: some people will be fine with “yes, always” or “no, never,” but a LOT of people are going to want to specify conditions like “only if they are not blood relatives” or “only if it is framed as being bad” or “it’s acceptable sometimes but I personally avoid it,” etc. Make sure people without clear-cut opinions have the ability to give you their opinions too.

Use simple, clear language

Use language that is as simple and precise as possible. Keep questions short when you can. Avoid using a lot of slang and regional idioms: people come from all over the place in fandom, and might not know what you mean. People also have a lot of different reading levels: you want to make sure most of your participants can understand what you’re asking them. 

There are some terms you can assume everyone in your sample will know, and some that you can’t: it’s up to you to figure out which terms are which. For example, most people in tumblr fandom space will understand what a ship is. They might not know what “IC” means though, so you might need to write it out as “in character.” Further, pretty much everyone in the MCU fandom might know what “Stucky” is, but not as many will know what “Coulwhip” is. You can make these kinds of technical terms easier for people to understand by just writing out all abbreviations and writing all pairings in the Name/Name format.

Use neutral language and keep your personal opinions out of it

Avoid inserting your own opinions into your survey, even if you expect that almost everyone participating will agree with you. Even “obvious” jokes won’t read as jokes to everyone; you might upset/offend/put off some group of participants disproportionately such that they won’t complete the survey, and you’ll miss a chunk of data you want. This is a problem, because say, for example, you really want to know if people’s favorite Supernatural ship has any correlation to fans’ personality traits — but if you poked fun at Dean somewhere else in your survey in a way that made Dean fans click off the page, then you’re going to lose a lot of Dean fan data that it would have been really useful for you to have, since Dean is a very popular character to ship with a lot of other characters. 

A good-faith survey is also not the place to moralize. Fandom can be a very polarized place; you are not going to be able to predict which things you ask about are going to be morally objectionable to your participants, and if they’re going to agree with your moral judgments. Your results might surprise you! A survey where you hope to get accurate data is not the place to defend a problematic character you like or to call some group of shippers gross. Your best bet for not causing issues is to include stuff that’s controversial and to be as neutral about it as possible — for example, if you are asking about ships people like, include every reasonably popular ship (potentially excluding rarepairs/extreme rarepairs just because it’s hard to include all of those), even the ones you hate/think are harmful/whatever, and don’t comment on the goodness or badness of any of them. 

Avoid “leading” questions to avoid bias

If you say, “Do you love this awesome TV show?” that’s going to be awkward to respond to for everyone whose answer is anything other than “yes.” Something like “What is your opinion of this TV show?” (with responses like: I love it, I like it, I have mixed feelings about it, I am neutral toward it, I dislike it, and I hate it) will give you a better sense of people’s genuine thoughts.

Select your multiple choice options thoughtfully

Be as egalitarian as possible in the options you provide to your fandom-specific questions that aren’t free response. If you leave out a major character on a list of favorite characters, for example, your participants are going to wonder why you did that — and you might not get data about that character, especially if you don’t include a free response option. 

Avoid bias in your multiple choice answer options

If you ask people for their favorite and least favorite [something], make sure the list of [something] options for both of those questions is identical. For example, if you’re asking about people’s most liked and most disliked ships, make sure the list of ships you include for both questions is the same. Including Sylvie/Loki only on the “ship you most dislike” but not the “ship you most like” list might seem like a reasonable move to you if you don’t know anybody who (openly) likes Sylvie/Loki, but doing that will bias responses and make your data inaccurate. Some people will stop filling out the survey, some people who like Sylkie just won’t want to bother filling in the blank, some people might forget that they like Sylkie unless it’s right in front of their eyes as one of the response options, some people will feel judged and so they won’t answer your survey honestly, etc. 

Follow common best practices advice for demographic information

Collecting information on respondents’ ages, genders, race/ethnicity, employment status, education history, etc is, luckily, very common, so there are a lot of standard questions about those things. I’ll just go ahead and list what I sometimes collect in my own surveys:

Age: for anonymous fandom surveys, I suggest using age groups (under 13, 13-18, 19-25, 26-35, etc) instead of asking people for their precise ages. Just make sure to include all possible age brackets. For example, don’t assume everyone in fandom is under 50.

Gender: unless you want a lot of nuance in your responses, it’s typically enough to include a list like: man/boy or male, woman/girl or female, nonbinary, genderfluid or bigender, and other. If you are interested in trans people specifically, I suggest asking that in a separate question (like: “Do you identify as transgender?”), rather than including binary trans identities in addition to binary cis identities in the same question. The exception to this is if you are including a very long list of gender options.

Race/ethnicity: (disclaimer that most of the data I collect comes from the US, so my best practices are most suited to that population. I welcome any feedback about the best way to ask about this for an international and/or non-US population.) I typically ask something like: “Which category best describes you?” and then give the options: American Indian or Native Alaskan, Asian, Black, Hispanic or Latinx, Middle Eastern or North African, Pacific Islander or Native Hawaiian, White, and other. Ideally, this list should allow multiple responses, so that multiracial/multiethnic people can give accurate reports.

Employment status: “What is your employment status?” with responses: employed full time, employed part-time, unemployed and looking for work, unemployed and not looking for work, self-employed, homemaker, student, and retired. If possible, let this be multiple choice, so that, for example, people who are students AND work can select both applicable options.

Education level: “What is your highest level of education?” with responses: some high school, high school diploma or equivalent, some college, college degree, some graduate education, Master’s degree, Doctorate degree, professional degree (e.g. M.D., J.D., M.Div, etc) 

Sexual orientation: like with gender, you probably don’t need to provide a long, comprehensive list unless your survey is about sexual orientation specifically. Something like the following is probably enough to cover most of your respondents: “What is your sexual orientation?” with responses: straight/heterosexual, gay/lesbian/homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, and other. 

Other questions: just try to make sure you are providing response options that will cover the majority of your participants, and include an “other” option if you’re not sure you’ve covered everything. There are a fair number of basic best practices documents for common demographics questions that you can find through Google, so if you’re not sure how to ask something, give it a quick search. You can also ask people you know who might know more about some specific demographic quality than you do to weigh in!

That’s it for now! I hope you find this helpful, either in writing your own surveys, or in evaluating surveys you are participating in!

[nissakii]

Wedding Deal - Chapter 09 [IwaizumixReader]

Tip: If you are using Chrome there is a little add-on called InteractiveFics with that the story is much more vivid since Y/N will be replaced with the name you type in. Give it a try you won’t regret it~

Chapter 09:

"You are still a rookie aren't you Iwa-chan? The more you connect to people the more Intel and allies you have in different areas", I was surprised by the conversation they were having yet enjoyed it.

But did he call him iwa-chan?

"...", Prince Hajime's face seemed like his half-brother had a valid point yet he clicked his tongue, "don't call me iwa-chan on such occasions."

The other one laughed slightly and I saw him stealing a glance over to the others from time to time.

"So if everything will go clean today, I suppose in two weeks we'll have a newbie in our palace, right?", with a meaningful look Prince Tooru supported his arms on the table and leaned his head on his hands as he looked between me and Prince Hajime.

P-Palace?! I mean we have a big mansion but a palace?!

"Hm", the one next to me made a half-affirming noise and pointed at his brother's arms, "that's rude stop that. Nobody asked you to come yet you behave like that every time we go somewhere."

"And still I get all the attention, don't I? But you won't understand how it feels to turn people down because I can barely make time for a few important matters", Prince Tooru shrugged.

"Prick, you were wandering around the whole week playing around", I heard barely a whisper saying that my eyes were widening in surprise before he cleared his throat and the one in front of me laughed again.

"That's so rude! I had errands in this city. Also, who is the one who makes all the arrangements because people are scared to ask you twice, huh?", as Prince Tooru finished those words he received a slap on the back of his head by none other than the mother of future husband.

That sounds so weird, but... but two weeks?!

"Wait a second", I whispered and tugged inconspicuously on Prince Hajime's sleeve as he gave me a side-glance and tilted his head a bit to the side signing me that he was listening, as Prince Tooru apologized and discussed with the one who slapped his hands grabbing all the attention.

"D-Did you say two weeks? Isn't that too fast?", I almost stumbled across my words and I saw how he slightly shifted and turned his head leaning in to respond.

H-His breath... is too close... I-

It was tickling my sensitive ears and I could barely make out what he said due to the thoughts rumbling inside my head.

"Two weeks may sound a bit quick, but I really can't wait much longer than that I hope you don't resent me for that. Also it is not... you know. Not a-", before he could finish his sentence I heard my mother clear her throat which caused me to flinch and accidentally headbutt Prince Hajime.

That's it. I will die a virgin

"I am so sorry", I stuttered and he just heaved his hand, covering the little red spot on his forehead and nodded in order to sign me an okay.

"That's a hilarious future sister-in-law. I can't wait to see what you will do in the palace once you arrive", his brother was munching on something while giving me the smile of a curious child unlike all his behaviour before.

It is eerie how he enjoys it when Prince Hajime is suffering so genuinely.

----------------

After dinner and a lot of talk I wasn't involved with I started thinking about all kinds of things:

One of them was Hiyori who just seemed to contact me shortly but nothing else.

I wondered if Prince Ushijima ever let her go that evening...

Then again Chiaki came into my mind. She always finds ways to contact me or randomly see me somewhere but I didn't hear a thing, not even a notice where she is. The moment she fled was also the moment I didn't hear from her and with all the organisation stuff that was going on I couldn't even think of getting to her mother's bakery or even close with my mother, her ears and eyes aka the guards.

Also two weeks were too short. It seems like even though my mother was firstly shocked and taken aback by that statement she wasn't completely against it.

Do you want to get rid of me that badly?

And then it all started to go too fast, they already discussed a new appointment, when we would meet, how I and Prince Hajime would organize things and walk through both his and my province, how we would have dinner with my father which was the most dreadful event that I kept cursing in my head and also the wedding itself.

Before I realized it Prince Hajime's mother gave me a tight hug as a goodbye and the man himself patted my shoulder before his mother scolded him and I was crushed into a muscular torso, feeling every single movement of his from breath to the voice in his chest as he told me we would see each other in two days.

Still gooey from that man's massive force and warmth I saw my mother and everyone else leave through the door beside one person who waited for them to leave. Leaving only me and him in the big and scary dinner room that was filled with the dim light of the halls and the last rays of the sun that was about so set.

"Finally I can get to talk to you alone", Prince Tooru loosened his tie and stepped closer with a smile, "about the deal-"

"I am sorry, I don't know a bit what you are talking about", I stuttered and his face looked surprised as he raised his eyebrows.

"I think you quite know, that's why you are so flustered aren't you?", the smile went a tad darker as he pointed at the chair, "let's take a seat shall we? Shortly before I had to depart I didn't want to make my visit for naught even though it was very entertaining in itself", his voice had a gentle yet strong tone that made me already step ahead to take a seat in my own mansion.

Unlike his brother this kind of authoritarian behaviour is scary. Nobody would probably know what is going on

He also took a seat right next to me, shoving the chair with no sound so that I would face him while he placed one arm on his knee and supported his head on it, eyeing me with a knowing smile.

"About your friend-", he started and immediately I reacted with an answer.

"Sorry to disappoint you but I do not have any friends."

His expression turned concerned and a bit of a sad undernote as he furrowed his eyes, "Wow I need to say that this is kind of saddening to hear", he sighed, "if it wasn't a complete lie. I may be easy-going but not and idiot".

Previous

[dent-de-leon]

(138 spoilers just in case) Did Lucy called the Somnovem "impotent" or "empty"? (episode 138 at 3:20:18) It looks like "empty" to me but the cc says otherwise... If it IS indeed "empty" then... Molly's backstory has a bit of a different meaning, no? What are your thoughts on this? (PS: That laugh tho... I loved it...! )

Ooo this idea sounded really cool to me, so I went back and listened to that scene again, and here’s what I got from it: “They were reborn greater than they could’ve ever anticipated. Isn’t that right? Power of a thousand minds. Dreams, imaginations and wills made one. Founded in the ether of manifestation. A miracle. Unstoppable. Yet, rudderless. Fractured. Wild. Jealous. Impotent.”

Matt’s voice acting is really exceptional here, the whole thing definitely feels like a grand presentation. There’s so many different ways he enunciates and emphasizes his words. He sneers “Jealous,” with a much louder voice, full of scorn, but then quiets down to cold indifference when he says, “Impotent.” Like, every word of this speech just sounds so good, even though the content of it really throws you off at first.

To me though, the word “impotent” came through clear, but I’ve definitely mixed up a few words here and there from Lucien’s accent before. So I could be wrong, but I tried to listen for it, and I just kept hearing that instead of “empty.” Which I’m kinda disappointed by, because him calling them Empty would be so interesting thematically 👀

If we’re talking about word choice though, I am still fascinated by the use of “reborn.” At one point, Beau says she believes that Lucien twitched during the tarot reading when he heard Jester say “rebirth.” In actuality, the twitch happens right after Jester finishes her interpretation of the final card. I’m personally of the opinion that it was more so the cards themselves--specifically Death--that triggered it, since Matt’s made it pretty clear to me those twitches are from Molly. And he responded to seeing the drapery of his coat as well, so I imagine his hand drawn cards for the Moonweaver must have also had an effect on him.

But being reborn is definitely a part of Molly’s identity as well. So if the word itself was what reached through to Molly, and then Lucien throws it out there too (this isn’t the first time we’ve heard him say it either)--well, then that’s certainly interesting. Not quite as meaningful as Empty, but it’s something. For context, here’s the other mentions of being reborn I was able to catch.

From the tarot reading:

Jester: “Facing you is death. That’s not necessarily a bad thing Lucien, you know! Some people think death means a rebirth...something must end for something new to begin.”

Matt: His right hand twitches. Like twice.

Jester: “How do you feel?”

Lucien, after a moment of silence: “Thank you. That was interesting...always been idly curious from a distance about such strange, uh...hobbies. Thank you for indulging in the offer.”

Jester: “Of course!”

When Jester scried on Lucien and Cree in Aeor:

Lucien: “Don’t worry, we’re getting there. I can feel it. But they’re close now too--the wee babes, lost without their king. Endless hunger. Limitless potential. Without focus, divided upon thousands of newling fragment minds...the Nonagon saw this in them. And they’ll be reborn greater. I’m their savior as they were mine. I will save them from their pain. From their wasteful existence. And you’re to join me there, in their memory.”

Cree: “Aye. In their memory.”

Also yes, I love Matt’s evil laugh last episode so much!! Molly himself is so full of genuine joy and warmth. So when Lucien breaks out this absolutely chilling, perfectly unhinged villain laughter? It’s both fantastic and heartbreaking.

[lawgrain]

Appropriate and Inappropriate Comments on AO3

So I mentioned the idea of doing one of these and I think it’s low key needed. But before I start I do want to say, most of you guys are great and the inappropriate section will seem like comments sense to you. But sadly it’s not to everyone and I’ve gotten comments like them. I’ma start on the positive side though. With that, I’ma jump in!

Good Comments

1) Just leaving hearts is actually pretty chill. I know some of you guys get nervous to comment and hearts might not seem like much, but it’s a very clear message: you liked the story. Not every comment has to be in-depth and if you are afraid to go into a deep comment, at leas for me, I don’t mind just getting hearts. Most the time I just respond with hearts back <3

2) Picking out specific quotes or moments you like is kind of cool. I’ve had people pick out a quote from a chapter and I get so excited when it happens to be a section I specifically worked on. I’m like “Yeah! That’s right! I added that for flow and it was friggen appreciated. Take that world!” It can just be something that meant something to you or that you found particularly funny/interesting. These are words writers have worked on and they’ll be happy to see, oh these are the ones that were liked. Sometimes people even point out things I hadn’t thought y’all would like and that’s super cool too!

3) So low and behold, writers sometimes really like talking about their works. In particular, I get caught up in meanings behind things and morals. Obviously not every writer gets caught up in those things but they still like talking about their work. So asking an opinion on stuff is sometimes pretty fun. Asking about what an author thinks of a certain character or what a character would do in a certain situation is like a fun little challenge game. But with this one, it’s important to keep it within the realm of opinions. 

For example, I got an ask on here once asking what I think would happen in a certain situation. That was a great way to phrase things. It let me know that they are just asking for my imagination on things. They didn’t suggest that something else should be happening or what they wish was happening. It was just “what do you think?”  Here’s a link to that. It was a fun ask to think about and actually made me want to right more. Where things can go wrong is sometimes people ask more into a character while sort of suggesting that I’m doing something wrong with the character or suggesting I should be having more about certain characters that I don’t want to do. So a “what do you think” is a beautiful way to avoid that and keep things to opinions.

4) It’s pretty nice to know people got meaning from a story. I am definitely okay if people just read my work on a surface level. It’s meant to entertain and if that’s all it does, that’s okay. But it’s also really meaningful when I hear that people are taking things away from a story. I love the comments saying “I’m gonna be thinking about this” or “this made me question things.” Because that’s my goal. I want people walking away with a new perspective or something gained. And then I’ve gotten people who thought they were the only ones to feel some of the things I’ve written and it’s kind of amazing to show that they’re not. 

And yes, this doesn’t apply to every fic because not every fic is written to have as much meaning. But every fic is written to do something. A comedy is written to make you laugh and the writer wants to know they’ve done that. A fluff piece is written to make you happy and show cute moments and a writer likes hearing you fangirl over those cute moments. And angst is written to make you feel. It might be heartache but if your stomach drops the moment you read something in an angst, that’s far from a bad comment to get.

5) You don’t have to do this, but sometimes it’s nice to appreciate the writers as themselves. It’s nice when people shift the focus from the fic to how you wrote the fic. There’s a sort of meaningful difference between the two. In one phrasing anyone could have done it. In the other it recognizes the writer and how writing is an enjoyable part of them instead of all they are. I think a lot of times for myself I start to think people just like or follow me for a fic I wrote. That has a lot of me in it, but that’s not who I am. I tend to answer questions in a very fic orientated way. You don’t like my writing you like the fic. You don’t like how I worked on a fic, you just like how the fic exists. Again this isn’t something you have to do and it doesn’t detract from the amazing comments left. But it adds something a little more meaningful for the author.

On to the next thing!

Inappropriate Comments

I’m going to precursor this with I know for sure some of you guys don’t know you do a few of these. Some of these are purely things trolls would do but others happen with people who actually don’t mean to bring a writer down. And I know it’s not your intentions to make a writer feel bad but it can easily happen by accident.

1) I mentioned this in a different post which I’ll link here, but be careful with comparisons. Keep things in a positive manner and focus on writer you are actually commenting on. It is not okay to draw comparisons to describe everything the author is doing wrong and the other is doing right. I got a comment doing that once and, surprise surprise, that's very shitty. If you’re going to compare a fic, do it in a way that doesn’t degrade anyone. Say it’s different or the same, and only do that if you’re going to follow it up with you found it enjoyable. I know for a fact that if someone used my fic to hurt another person, I’d be furious. I don’t care if you like my fic better, that’s no reason to make other people feel bad. Authors writings aren't all supposed to be the same fic. It’s gonna be different and that’s okay.

 2) It's okay to be very impassionate against characters actions in a fic. Some are written to be disliked. But there are lines. It's not okay to say that a child deserves to be beaten by a parent. A lot of things aren't okay. Directing anger at characters is different then implying real world things should happen to them. People are abused in real life. People who have been abused are gonna read you talk about how you think it’s okay. It’s not. It’s never been okay and it’s a really shitty thing to have to find that in a comment section. 

3) It's okay to be upset with things that happens in a story. It's not okay to attack the story itself. You can like a story and still accidentally do this. Saying things are "unrealistic" and "would never happen" are kind of offensive. It starts attacking the author and devalues what they are trying to write. And the other thing about that is not everyones experience is gonna match up. I know I write in a heavy topic. So when I’m told that somethings would never happen and then I have to quietly take it, understand that some of these things have happened. I’m listening to some of you write off things that have even happened to me. And you’re also writing off what might be happening to others. I know teachers might seem unrealistic to people who have had good teachers. I know it seems incomprehensible for everyone to turn their backs on a character to people who have had good friends, who have had people listen to them. And let me just state it plainly, I am jealous of those people. I’m jealous of people who have never been happy one day just to feel completely betrayed and alone the next. I envy you. And I know that’s not the intention with some of you guys when you comment but in the end, not cool. 

 4) Comment on the actual fic. When you go off about how you wish things would happen or say "it's too bad this didn't happen", you are telling the author that you wish you were reading something else. I’ve gotten very well meaning comments talking about how they just wish something else would happen or “what if instead”. And I don’t know what you want me to say. Yeah that’s great but it’s also not what I’m writing. Be my guest if you want to write that I guess. In the end those people never give me something that I can respond to because they made it about what they want and not about anything I did. If you genuinely want to change everything about my fic but keep the bases, just comment “Do you mind if I do a fic inspired by this one” and I will happily say yes, just make sure to note it was inspired by the fic. Hell I’m chill even when people don’t ask for the go ahead and just remember to cite me as the inspiration. But getting a comment wishing you did something else? Not enjoyable.

5) Don’t comment just to confuse the writer. This one is kind of odd and something that hasn’t happened to me as much. But leaving confusing comments that have nothing to do with the story? Like I don’t know what is expected when that happens. I’m less inconvenienced by this because I like to just roll with things but I know others don’t like this. It starts to feel like you’re being trolled. Again I don’t mind this as much. Like once I got a consistent commenter that I never quite understood what their comments meant and I actually started to enjoy the oddity. They’d do a key smash then Id be like “okay well, when in Rome” and key smash back. But some aren’t me and are going to assume it’s being done to them to annoy them. Which is a safe bet because a lot of writers have probably been trolled or low key harassed by people in the comment sections.

6) If you say you like a fic and then say “too bad you did this in the fic”, you don’t like the fic.

7) This one is based on a comment that I know what done with good intentions but careful on how you ask questions. Writers do like talking about their fics but we like talking about it to people who are curious and like the fic. If you have a question, ask it but let us know that you aren’t challenging the fic itself. So for example, I mentioned when a fics realism is brought into question. It’s not chill to say “It’s unrealistic” because that's an insult. It’s not okay to put “how is this realistic” because that’s gonna put the writer back in defensive after their other bad experiences in comment sections. What you could do is say “how did you come up with the teachers acting like they are in the fic”. Or once I got on the defense because a question was phrased in a way that sounded like a set up to hate on my fic. It wasn’t made to do that and the person picked up on my very obvious defensive mode. What can help if you’re unsure how a question is going to come across add something like “The answer doesn’t change how much I like the fic, I was just curious”. That’d set me at ease at leat.

8) Don’t demand answers. And I’m not talking about the silly “wE neEd tO kNoW LaW!!” thing. I usually know when you’re teasing. I’m talking about people who just want an answer from you and leave. This isn’t bad perse and doesn’t actually hurt a writers feelings. It just tells the writer nothing about how they are doing. Did you like the fic? Was there something confusing about this section that caused this question? Again this one is a very small thing. Writers probably don’t mind answering the question either. It’s just kind of one where it’s less engaging because you feel like the person just wants you for the one piece of information.

9) If you have to disclaim it sounds rude or aggressive, think about who that disclaimer is for. Is it for you to feel like it’s okay to say rude things and then claim “but that’s not how I meant it” or is actually because you’re worried you phrased something wrong. And for gods sake if I get a goddamn comment saying “I don’t mean to start a fight” I’m starting a fight next time. Most of the comments I get that have some sort of disclaimer feel like they are just trying to excuse themselves and have a place they can say “look, right there, I said it’s not rude so it isn’t” as if that changes things. It’s like if someone went “I don’t mean to be a jerk, but here’s an entire list of why I don’t like your story and lol that sounded a bit agressive. Woops! Good thing I didn’t mean it like that!” Bullshit. Take a minute to actually access who the comment is for, you or the writer. I’m actually the most heated about this point. Like I’ve gotten a very specific comment in mind and I really regret not going off. I’m still bitter.

10) This isn’t one I’ve gotten as much but have had someone mention to me. Some authors get a bit pressured when all you ask is for more. Like we’re happy you want more. Very happy. But the way this author explained it to me was “It feels like they just ignore the 40k of free work I’ve just written and feel entitled for more.” I’m paraphrasing it a bit here. But the thing is, it’s very flattering that you want more of a writers work but why can’t what they’ve already done be appreciated. Don’t just demand, appreciate too. A lot of writers are working on more things at once and it needs to be recognized that they are worth more than the one chapter more you need for just one of their fics. 

Ending Note

Alrighty! That’s all I can think of for now. All writers are different but I hope this is a good foundation for things. Looking back on some comments I’ve left, I know that they probably weren’t as positive as I thought because they weren’t made from a writers point of view. Now though, I think I’d do a better job after having gotten some of the comments I have. But I don’t want anyone to feel called out or bad. I usually know when you guys are well intentioned and just missing the mark. If anyone wants to add or reblog this, be my guest!

[nerdygaymormon]

A Letter to Elder Hamilton

Elder Hamilton,

Greetings!

I’m the stake executive secretary in the Brandon Florida Stake. We met this past Sunday when you & Elder Carter interviewed me as part of the process of finding the next stake president.

When he was leaving, Elder Carter said to me, “You really impressed us. We talked about you quite a bit.”

My response to him was, “Thank you for telling me that. You guys were tough on me.”

He looked surprised, and commented, “We ministered to you.”

I’ve been thinking about how differently we viewed the same interaction. I decided to write a letter to share my perspective and a bit more about my journey.

From my perspective, it felt like I experienced 2 different interviews done back-to-back. The first half was rough. You were asking very probing questions, one after another. I realize we were in a time constraint and weren’t having a proper conversation. I can see how the same questions could be intended as trying to get to know me and my background better. I’m not trying to say you did anything wrong, but I think our perceptions of the interaction were different.

You are someone in a position of authority. Upon learning I’m gay, you asked if I always adhere to the Law of Chastity, was I ever inactive, do I have a recommend, and am I worthy. I thought perhaps you were trying to determine if I should be released.

When I spoke briefly about why the temple can be a hard place for me, there was a shift in your body language, your face became softer, you replied that you could understand that. It’s that moment that I felt like you saw me as a person and felt my humanity.

The second half of the interview had a different tone. You asked how I felt about my calling, how do I help other LGBT members, what I’ve learned from my stake president. For me, those were questions that sounded like you wanted to know me rather than focusing on am I following the rules.

 At the end you thanked me for sharing that I struggle and do my best and carry on, that you can tell I’m impacting people, thanked me for being visible, said you wish we were meeting in person so you could give me a hug, that’s when it felt like ministering because I could feel your love and that you cared.  

As I think about it, I’m certain this difference in perception is because the interview was such where you asked questions but didn’t respond to the answers I gave. That didn’t give me any context for why you were choosing to ask the next question and the next one.

I am very honest with my stake president, he can ask me anything and I’ll help him understand, and I’ll also share what I struggle with. Part of what makes that work is I know he loves me and trusts me and cares for me and will help me. I hope the same is true of you and Elder Carter, but we didn’t have a chance to build that rapport. You asked questions, I answered. 

I’m glad the things I said were heard, that you felt something for me. At the end, I felt love come from you and that was important for me. And I do thank you for those very kind sentiments, I wrote them down, they are meaningful to me. 

I want to share with you, an important moment in my journey. In 2015 gay marriage was made legal across the USA. In November, the Church implemented a new policy about gay couples and their children. That hurt. It felt like the Church was so wary of people like me that even innocent children associated with us were poison and had to be cut off. I let God know how hurt & upset I was about this.

I heard a voice say that if I want to leave the Church, that’s fine, but if I’m willing to stay, there is a special work for me to do.  

 If I stayed, I would: * Help young gay Mormons accept themselves * speak to leaders and help them understand better * speak to youth of my stake about being gay * share my story as a gay Mormon

I knew staying came with a cost, but if I could be part of these things then I would pay that price.

I didn’t understand then how these things would happen, but I felt strongly this is what the Lord wanted me to do and I showed faith by staying.

Almost immediately my calling changed, the stake president said the Spirit was insistent that I have this new calling so that my unique viewpoint could be heard.

In time I came to see that by doing the work of my new calling, stake executive secretary, it opened up the ability to do the work that I’d agreed to do with the Lord.

Looking back at my notes from 2015, it’s amazing how specific the things were that the Lord said would happen and how all of them have occurred on a scale much larger than I imagined. I haven’t been trying to force these things to happen, instead I’m where the Lord wants me and His work follows.

For example, I don’t go out of my way to meet and talk with Seventy and Apostles. When they come to my stake, they find me here doing my calling. I don’t always bring up that I’m gay, it’s not always relevant to what’s being discussed, but when I’m prompted to share, the reactions are interesting. 

Sometimes I can sense their unease and it takes time to break that down and have them see me for me. Other times there’s an immediate outpouring of love and caring. Sometimes I get invited to visit them when I next go to Utah and then we have more in-depth conversations and I’ve even developed friendships with a few of them.

While many wonderful things have happened over the past 5 years, it’s been a difficult road. I had a mental health crisis. I was suicidal and needed professional help. I stayed in therapy for a year working on a number of things such as low self-esteem, internalized homophobia, social anxiety disorder, and these all had root in my experience as a closeted gay man in the Church.

I have my struggles, and have my strengths. I try to do good. I’ve had hard times, I’ve been blessed. I spent a lot of time in the closet and it feels much better to be out and honestly answering questions, even if they feel probing or reflexive.

I get asked many inappropriate questions. I hear little comments made about me. I know some people have pulled the stake president aside to ask if he knew his secretary was gay. It’s easy to question the motivation of people asking questions, especially if they haven’t indicated they’re a friend or ally.

I want to believe you were genuinely curious and this is why you asked the questions you did. I hope you understand why I didn’t recognize that until half-way through the process.

I did feel genuine warmth and love from you at the end of our interview. I’m glad that Elder Carter said something to help me understand that my answers to the questions were heard and appreciated. I wanted to be understood but thought I was being judged, that is until you responded to my answer about why the temple can be a hard place for me.

I’ll pray for you in your ministry, and hope you’ll pray for me.

Your friend,

David

[the-blind-assassin-12]

Canary Mary & the Miners

A/N: Um. I don’t really... know what to... *big sigh* Listen. Here’s the thing. I’ve been having some trouble finding the time and the inspiration to write in the last few weeks. So I decided to turn to some writing prompts in hopes that one of them would spark SOMETHING even if it was just a few paragraphs to shake the rust off. So I came across one that simply said write about a character named Canary. And a few paragraphs turned into a few thousand words pertaining to Ryan Brenner and of course, a new character named Canary. (It also reignited the spark for me to jump back into the world of Passing Through, which is what I am currently working on and I am EXCITED to share what comes next for that story!) This part right here though, actually takes place well before the events in PT. Ryan is roughly 24 years old here. It’s pre- Jackie, pre- losing Cowboy...pre-learning a lot of things, young, still establishing himself as a person Ryan Brenner. (and some cousins for good measure) I truly hope you enjoy. 

Fun fact: Carbondale is home to the first commercial rail line. 

Warning: brief mention of drug use, drinking 

Word count: 4,761

The first day of any trip home for Ryan was always a busy one. From the minute he’d set foot in Aunt Holly’s kitchen to the second he finally shut his exhausted eyes in the guestroom bed upstairs, the day was always full of tight hugs, loud welcomes, curious questions and more food than any of them could eat. If the weather was right for it, he’d walk down to the beach with whichever of his cousins happened to be around. They’d kill a 6 pack of beer and fill each other in on the stories they’d rather not share with the rest of the family. Once Ryan had come home in the middle of a summer downpour, and the rain, and even more so the lightning, made the trek down to sit in the sand impossible. Instead, Ryan, Jimmy, Taylor and Fitz sat on overturned buckets and bags of mulch in Holly and Alan’s shed, laughing and teasing one another as they dodged drips from the shed’s leaky roof. After supper he’d sit out on the porch with whoever was still awake and alert and play a few songs, the tempo of them slowing as the sky filled with stars. 

The second day was always more calm, all the excitement out of the way. He’d wake up in the guestroom, the mattress slightly too short for his long legs but still far more comfortable than most places he slept while on the road, and turn to the shabby wicker bedside table. Ryan didn’t get much mail, just a few letters and postcards, but reading them was always one of the highlights of his visit. Aunt Holly would save them for him, bundling them up in short stacks tied with blue yarn. Although she would always give them to him almost immediately after he unlaced his boots, he would always tuck them away with his things upstairs, knowing that he’d have more time to read them in the morning. 

On this particular trip, when Aunt Holly had stuffed the bundle into Ryan’s right hand while his left arm curled around Taylor’s shoulders and he ducked out of the way of a spiraling Nerf football that Jimmy had just lobbed from the top of the stairs, he noted that the stack was a little thicker than normal. He smiled to himself, fingers hooking beneath the thick yarn. I sent out a few more’n normal this year too. 

As he’d gotten better as a musician, he’d found more opportunities to meet and play with and learn from other musicians in his travels. Some he never even spoke to, simply set up on the same corner and agreed on song choice without words, with just chords and nods. Others he found himself forming friendships with, realizing that they had more in common than just their musical talents. His first few years on the rails had been spent mostly with Cowboy, Virginia and eventually Georgie. But more recently he found himself traveling solo, wanting to stay longer in some cities, wanting to skip town faster in others. He found himself wanting to stretch his limits and learn more about who he was, not just as a traveller or an artist, but as a person. And he realized that one of the best ways to learn about himself was to interact with as many people as he could as see what he felt, how he responded, who he was drawn to and why. 

What he’d learned leading up to this visit home was that he was someone who craved genuine connection, and sought out others who wanted the same. For every one meaningful connection he made, there were at least twenty interactions with people whom he could tell had forgotten his name before they’d even made it three steps, even after they’d just spent a few minutes chatting, dropping a few singles into his case and telling him that he sounded great. Some people, he knew, just wanted to be liked. They craved acceptance from everyone they met. Ryan learned that he was not one of those people, and he liked that about himself. Only one that’s gotta be okay with me is me. 

But when he found those rare individuals who looked for the seams in things and pulled them apart to peek at what was inside, he held onto them because he knew that those were the people who had the best chance of understanding him and helping him understand himself. Thus began the growth of the non-biological branch of his family tree. Robin and Oz and the rest of the crew he spent his first West Coast summer with, Georgie, Cowboy and Virginia had been the base of that branch, but other chutes were beginning to form now too, resulting in thicker stacks of mail and more reasons to purchase stamps. 

Waking up in the too small bed, he stretched his neck to the right until a small pop released some tension there. A satisfied sigh, the kind that only came from getting a good night’s sleep, slipped from his lungs as he sat up blinking in the dusty morning light. Rising with the sun was a hard habit to break, even when he was staying somewhere that he didn’t need to vacate immediately like he was now, but Ryan didn’t mind. He enjoyed having that time to himself while the rest of the world was still quiet. 

Dragging a hand through his sleep disheveled hair, he glanced over at the bundle of letters and postcards, and once his fingertips had finished fixing the errant strands, they reached out to brush over the frayed ends of the yarn that was cross wrapped around his mail. Blue this time. He smiled to himself wondering if he’d be leaving with a scarf or a hat at the end of the week. It wouldn’t be cold enough for a scarf  for another month or two, but he knew that it was important to Aunt Holly that she send him off with something to keep him warm. It was important to him, too, he’d learned, her scarves warming more than his neck on several solo winter nights. Clearing his gravelly throat, he pulled the covers back and set his feet down on the floor. 

Rifling through his pack, Ryan pulled out his last clean pair of jeans and a dark green long sleeved thermal, a freshly sewn patch on the left elbow courtesy of Virginia. Before making his way down to Georgia he’d spent two weeks with her and Cowboy as they made their way through the Midwest, parting ways outside of Chicago. There were certain things that Ryan always had on his person- twine, sunscreen, his notebook- and with Ginny it was a travel sewing kit. He twisted his arm to look at the patch, a dark brown oval cut from an old corduroy button down that had lost more buttons than it retained, and smiled. He ran his fingers over the stitches that held the patch in place. She’s gettin’ better at this. The nail of his pointer finger snagged on a crooked stitch and he chuckled. Cowboy prob’ly gives her plenty to practice on.

He finished getting dressed and grabbed his hat, bending and folding the brim with one hand before stuffing it into his back pocket. Aunt Holly had a strict no hats in the house rule, and even though he knew she was still asleep, Ryan wouldn’t think of breaking it. She’d knock it clean off my head ‘f she caught me. It wasn’t a guess, he knew from experience. How to pick his battles was another thing he’d been learning lately, and waiting a few extra seconds until he was outside before putting his hat on wasn’t worth causing trouble. 

Picking up the bundle of letters from the side table, Ryan left the spare room, closing the door behind him. The hallway on the second floor was narrow and dark; there were no windows because the hall wrapped around the stairwell, and there were rooms on all four sides. But Ryan had spent enough time in that house to know where to turn without having to see, and in just a few familiar steps he was descending the staircase, socked feet moving quickly and quietly over the creaky steps. He made a quick stop in the kitchen, setting up the coffee pot to brew, waiting until he could hear it hissing and clicking as the heat plate warmed up before turning towards the front door. This thing’s older’n I am. Just like shrimp and grits and peach cobbler for supper on the first night of his visits were staples, Ryan would always show his appreciation by making sure that everyone woke to a full pot of dark roast on the second day. 

He didn’t wait for the coffee to brew though. Instead he found his boots in the pile of shoes by the door, digging one out from under a red canvas sneaker that seemed to be missing its mate. Whose is this? Taylor’s? He picked it up by the lace and flung it deeper into the pile. What’d she do with the other one? Sticking the stack of letters under his arm, he tied his laces loosely, shaking his head at the image of Taylor walking home with only one shoe the night before. I bet Jimmy was messin’ with her. Though none of them were as rowdy as they used to be, all of the Brenner cousins had held onto their propensity for mischief when they gathered in groups of two or more. Some things never change. 

Other things did, though. He took the stack back out from under his arm as he straightened up, eyeing it and guessing that it was thicker than the last one by at least five pieces. Passing the pencil marked molding that measured the heights of he and his cousins at various ages, he opened the door and headed out into the bright morning to read his letters. He settled into the angled Adirondack chair, the wood worn smooth after decades of use and abuse, and untied the knotted bow, smiling at the little pop as the yarn let go of the knot. 

Dropping the yarn into his lap he sifted through the pile until he found Robin’s loopy lettering, always in brightly colored ink. He plucked out two letters addressed to him in red and purple respectively, as well as a postcard from Culver City that was so smudged that all he could read was the last line- Oz and I miss you, Brenner. No matter what else she wrote in her letters, whether she was writing to tell him that things had gotten dark for Oz again, or that things were going well for them, she always ended them with that and he could hear her unwritten next line: Get your ass back out here! He was happy to see, after reading as much as he could of the smudged postcard and both letters, that things seemed to be on an upswing for Oz. One of the letters even mentioned that he’d been clean and sober for a year and Ryan beamed. I gotta get out there soon. Maybe this spring, after Montana.  

There was a birthday card from Nikki, the girl he’d gotten his first tattoos from. Happy Birthday, handsome!! Was all it said, with a line of little x’s, her name signed below them, more x’s dotting the two I’s. Ryan felt his lips twitch under his beard as a slight flush climbed over it, and he recalled all the teasing he endured from Georgie when it became clear to the rest of the group that there was something between Ryan and Nikki. Been a while since she saw me. He ran one hand over his scruffy facial hair before lowering it to look at the roughly inked black lines and dots that marked the spaces between his knuckles. Inhaling a slow breath through his nose he could almost smell the woman’s strawberry shampoo as she leaned close, holding his hand in one of hers and her tattoo gun in the other, her chunky silver rings cool against his skin. Wonder what she’d think now. Nothing had ever really happened between the two of them. Nothin’ more than kissin’. 

His tongue flicked out to wet his lips and he sighed. She was somethin’ else though. Wonder ‘f she’d… He tapped the card twice against the knuckles of his opposite hand before shuffling it back to the bottom of the pile. Nikki’s not really...neither of us wants to stop movin’ around and… He shook his head. Nikki was a great kisser, that he was sure of. She was vivacious and spontaneous and lived her life in bright colors and never failed to make Ryan laugh when they spoke on the phone. But even through all the physical attraction Ryan knew that there would never be anything serious between them. She’s a good friend… just not a good fit for me. He snorted to himself as the sun rose above the treeline. ‘Nd I’m not a good fit for her. He wasn’t looking for a relationship anymore like he might have been last time he went out West to see Nikki and Louie and the rest of them. But if a relationship found him along the way he knew it would have to be right for it to stick. ‘Nd if it ain’t gonna stick there’s no point.     

There were postcards from Cowboy that said very little, if anything at all other than a quickly scrawled You’d like it here, Brenner, or Good spot for buskin’. It was like a breadcrumb trail of suggestions for when Ryan didn’t know where to go next and wasn’t ready to repeat or circle back up with anyone else. The two of them- three, counting Ginny- had spent enough time together to know what small town charms and quirks would peek the other’s interests, or what tiny details in big cities the other looked for. Le Claire, Iowa. Laramie, Wyoming. Las Vegas, Nevada. Point Pleasant, New Jersey. The images on Cowboy’s postcards were always faded, and Ryan knew it was because the man would always hastily pull the first card he touched from a display in the window of a gas station or convenience store. No one sends postcards anymore so they sit in the sun. A faded river boat. A washed out field of cattle. The strip, sanded down by sun and time spent in a gift store. A ferris wheel, maybe. Doesn’t matter what’s on the front. He made a point to set the cards from Cowboy aside so that he could jot down the cities in the back of his notebook, where he kept a running list, crossing them off after he’d taken his friend’s advice to visit them.

By the time Ryan was down to the last postcard the sun had breached the tree line, brightening the sky and waking up the birds. The quiet morning filled with the chirps of sparrows and warblers, each trying to outdo the other in the complexity of their songs. Somewhere in the trees behind the house a mockingbird stole pieces of each, taking credit for the others’ creativity in order to fit in, and from the gargantuan oak in the front corner of the yard a small cluster of nuthatches erupted squawking from the middle branches. But Ryan hardly noticed the wildlife around him because his mind was on a very different bird, one certainly not native to Georgia. He read the front of the postcard in his hand, vintage linen print in bright colors spelling out Greetings from Carbondale Pennsylvania, a small white mountain laurel blooming beside the state’s Capitol building, and he knew who the card was from before even turning it over. Canary Mary. 

His eyes widened with excitement as he flipped it around, and though he’d never seen her handwriting before, it matched his expectation of her penmanship perfectly. Her letters all stood at a hard slant and the bottoms of her y’s, g’s and j’s curved back around to underline the words they occupied. Ryan always picked up on the ways that a person’s handwriting reflected parts of their personality, and Mary’s rebellious spirit and intensity were visible in the way she pressed her pen to the cardstock. As he read he could even picture her leaning casually in the corner booth at Lyle’s, layers of shawls and sweaters and long necklaces draped around her as she wrote. 

Ryan- 

First off I hope the rails have been good to you. Hope you and Georgie Porgie are lookin’ out for each other, and I hope y’all had a good summer. I hope you got after some of the things you were lookin’ for when you left here- but only some, ‘cause you always gotta have more to go after, remember that. There’s always more. 

Second, just wanted to see if you’n Georgie were interested in swingin’ up this way come October. There’s this music festival ‘round Halloween called Blues’n Boos - don’t hold the name against me, I didn’t make it up!- and I’m thinkin’ of tryin’ to be part of it, but only if you two come and back me up with your strings. I can sing, you know that, but I ain’t never sounded better’n when you boys stumbled into Lyle’s, and those couple’a duets you sang with me? That crowd won’t be ready for Canary Mary & the Miners I’ll tell you that! So I’m crossin’ my fingers you’ll say yes. You got my number, honey. 

-Canary 

Ryan hadn’t felt the smile creeping up his cheeks as he read, but when he finished he realized he was wearing it all the same. Canary Mary & the Miners, huh? He shook his head and laughed under his breath as he turned the card back over. He traced the block letter P with one finger, thinking back to last fall and the week or so he and Georgie had spent in the small coal town of Carbondale. They’d hopped off in hopes of finding somewhere to busk, but the weather had other plans, a heavy, chilly rain soaking them to the bone within minutes and making playing outdoors impossible. Heading towards the first establishment they saw that they didn’t think they’d be turned away from- a dive bar called Lyle’s, the chipped paint on the lit sign above the door beckoning them like a beacon- they carried all of their things inside and were immediately met with the sound of piano keys and Mary’s sultry, smoky voice. Knew we were in the right place then. 

Where ya goin’ baby? And how you gonna get there when I’m gone? 

Tell me where ya goin’ baby? And how you plannin’ to get along? 

I’m not tryin to doubt ya no, no… just thought I’d ask ya for fun. 

Rain water dripped from the ends of his hair beneath his hat, running down the side of his nose as he stared at the woman on stage, completely captivated by her performance. Damn. His mouth dropped open and he let out a breath, turning to his friend. “You hearin’ this Georgie?” 

Despite the fact that the woman was clearly ten or maybe even fifteen years older than they were, Georgie’s eyes twinkled mischievously as he answered. “Oh yeah, Ry, I’m hearin’ this alright.” Ryan smacked him on the arm with the back of his hand and laughed knowing that even though Georgie was a sucker for a pretty face that could sing, it was more about the voice than the face, and he respected this woman’s talent. 

They had ended up settling in at the end of the bar nearest the small stage, the bartender allowing them to stash their bags behind the bar while they had a few drinks and waited out the rain. They’d listened to three more of the woman’s songs, but it was those first few lyrics that he’d heard that had stuck with Ryan, and not just the words themselves, but the feeling she had put into them when she sang them. 

Where ya goin’ and how you gonna get there? 

It was supposed to be a song about independence and Ryan felt that in the confident yet carefree way she sang, seeming to play with the listeners’ ear as well as their heart and their ego. But he also realized that he didn’t know the answer. Where am I going? If someone asked me… what would I say? He sat there, brow all wrinkled as he contemplated the bubbles in the foam of his beer. Georgie had gone off to the restroom leaving Ryan by himself, but his stool didn’t stay empty for long. 

“That beer got the answers you’re lookin’ for there honey?” Wha-

Ryan looked up in time to see the woman slide into Georgie’s seat, one shoulder shrugging to try to keep her sleeve from falling down it, the other arm waving at the bartender and motioning for a glass of water. She lowered her arm then and turned to face Ryan head on, her wide eyes rimmed with dark liner and fringed with long black lashes. A stud dotting the side of her nose and a small scar cut through her top lip but did nothing to dull her smile. She was beautiful, but not in the most conventional sense. Her beauty came from the way she moved and how she carried herself, how sure she was when she sang and spoke and smiled. I’ve never seen anyone like her… she’s… It wasn’t attraction but awe, Ryan looking at this woman like a moth might look at the light- slightly stunned and not sure if it would burn him or show him the way.

The bartender had appeared with a water, reaching over the bar to hand it to her. She took it, winking at the man and thanking him before drinking a big gulp and wiping a hand across her mouth. Several bracelets and bangles knocked about on her wrist as it fell to her lap, her attention turning back to Ryan. “I take it that’s a no then?” 

“A...no?” Ryan shook his head trying to clear it enough to focus on the moment and the woman who was speaking to him. “Sorry?” 

“Mmm,” she hummed around the glass as she took another sip, her eyes brightening above the rim. “Don’t be.” Ryan blinked and felt himself relax, the furrows in his forehead smoothing back out at her casual manner. “I just meant...guess you’re not findin’ what you’re lookin’ for in that drink. But then again, who really does, huh?” She set her glass down and extended a hand to him. “I’m Mary. ‘Round here I go by Canary Mary.” She gave a playful roll of her eyes, tossing a wave around the place. That makes sense. Voice like that in a town like this. She laughed. “‘Cause if I ain’t singin’, you know somethin’ ain’t right. Ain’t that right, Lyle?” She called the last part out to the kind, balding man who had allowed Ryan and Georgie to tuck their stuffed packs safely away. 

“That’s right darlin’. You’re our songbird alright.” The man called back as he poured two beers from the taps. 

Mary laughed again, eyes returning to Ryan’s as his fingers wrapped around her hand. “And who are you, honey?” 

“‘M Ryan,” he answered, giving her hand a small shake as she squeezed his in return. “You sound...you’re really good up there.” He nodded towards the stage with his chin as she released her grip on his hand. 

“You think so, huh?” She cocked one eyebrow and Ryan tilted his head. Yes. How could you- “Well I s’pose you’d know.” What? She smiled and pointed to the case that was standing up between Ryan’s legs. “Saw you come in with that baby on your back, so I know you know what you’re talkin’ about.” 

Ryan shrugged and looked down at the thick lacquer on the bartop. “Oh I dunno, I just-” 

“Hey that friend a yours you came in with, he play too?” She asked before he could downplay his talent or ability and Ryan nodded. He does. “How’s about you boys come up and play with me? You can be my band for the night.” She lifted one hand up, panning it in front of her as though reading the marquee on a theater. “Canary Mary & the Miners.” She laughed, the sound heavy and sweet like molasses. “C’mon I think it’ll be fun, what’dya say?”

Georgie had come back right at that moment, agreeing for both of them, and he and Ryan had spent the rest of the night crammed up on the small platform, playing a few songs with the woman who was part songbird, part sultry lounge singer and all heart. She’d leaned in to whisper into Ryan’s ear, urging him to join her on a song or two. At first he’d been hesitant because the only female singers he’d ever done duets with were Robin and Virginia, and he knew both of them well enough to know what they were feeling when they sand, how to match them. But Mary had put that hesitation to sleep with her next words. 

“Trust me, honey, what you were lookin’ for in that beer? You got a better chance of findin’ it in a song. So you wanna sing with me?” 

He had, and it had somehow felt...easy. As the night wore on and the number of patrons dwindled, Mary, Ryan and Georgie found themselves closing down Lyle’s, the three of them sitting in the only three stools that hadn’t been overturned and lifted up onto the bar. Lyle swept the floor, music playing softly from an old but still functioning radio, allowing them to finish their last round as he cleaned up. They’d gotten to talking, Mary sharing a little about herself and how she left home to pursue a life of music and whatever came with it, and Ryan had asked her if she ever worried that she’d made the wrong choice, or that she’d ended up in the wrong place. Is that… am I worried about that? I didn’t think I was but… 

“Only thing I ever ask myself, Ryan, is if I’m good with who I am in the moment. Only person that’s gotta be good with you is you, honey. If I’m good with where I am and where I’m goin? Then I know I didn’t make the wrong choice.” 

Where am I going, and how am I gonna get there? He tapped the card against his knuckle again, taking a deep breath in through his nose. He could smell the nutty aroma of the coffee he’d made, could hear the sound of his family waking up and shuffling towards the kitchen for a cup. Smiling as he let the breath back out in a sigh, he plucked the yarn from his lap and re-wrapped the bundle of cards and letters. I’m good with who I am… lot of it thanks to her. Canary Mary had taught Ryan more than he thought she knew at first, but as time went on and he thought back on the interaction, he wondered if maybe she knew all along that he needed some guidance, needed to be shown the way or at least pointed towards the light.  Either way, he knew his answer. 

It’s too early to call Georgie. Ryan squinted at the sun as he rose from the chair and stretched, his shirt lifting up to expose a thin strip of his belly, the morning air a cool shock on his skin. 

“Ry’n, you want milk’n your coffee’r no?” Huh. Guess Taylor didn’t go home last night. Must’ve slept in the living room. Her accent was always thickest in the morning when she wasn’t quite awake, like it was now as she called out the screen door. 

He turned away from the sun and back towards the house, tucking the bundle of cards under his arm and whipping the hat off his head. “Yeah, just a drop though. ‘M comin’ in now I can…” 

It was too early to call Georgie now, but Ryan knew that as soon as it was late enough to guarantee the other man would answer, he’d be calling his friend to make travel plans for Carbondale in October.

.

.

.

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[johannstutt413]

(requested by anonymous)

The light was on in the living room when Kal’tsit woke up. She groaned - it was happening again. “Oh, darling!” She called through the open door in a somewhat sharp sing-songy voice. “I thought we talked about getting up at 3 am to write on your board!”

“But I had a dream and I had to get it down before I forgot it!” The response came as Kal’tsit stepped out into their living room to find the Doctor with her nightgown on, notepad and pencil in hand.

“So this isn’t a shipping thing, then?” Her wife asked, genuinely interested in what could be a new development. “Or is this a matchmaking plan you had?”

The Doctor looked up from her work to give her a quizzical stare. “What are you talking about? I’d never actually try to get these couples together...I mean, seriously, Provence and Scavenger? Come oooon.”

“Right, yeah, totally unreasonable.” Kal’tsit smiled to herself, remembering the lovely invitation she’d received for their upcoming wedding not two days prior.

“It’s not about if they would actually work together, anyway.” She beamed a smile in Kal’s direction. “It’s about imagining the arc they would have to take to get them there.”

Her logic was met with a blank stare. “Uh-huh.”

“Come on, babe, play with me in this space for a little bit. I know, I know, it’s early, but-”

“Doctor dearest, you know what I’m like.” After watching the change in the Doctor’s face, however, she sighed. “But I can make an exception this once.”

She cheered, which involved a wild flailing of limbs one might call a dance if it weren’t horizontal and much less coordinated. “Yes! Alright, alright, calm down, let’s not blow this...Okay. Okay. So, where do we start...”

“I’d imagine we start with a couple?” Kal’tsit offered, taking a seat on the couch on the opposite end.

“True...Alright, you pick a person, and I pick a person, and that’ll be our match.” The Doctor turned to a fresh page in her notepad. “Ready?”

Her wife chuckled - Kal had to admit, she was damn cute when she got like this. “Alright, I’m ready.”

“One, two, three!” “Ethan.” “Astesia.” “...Huh.”

“Alright, we have our happy couple,” Kal’tsit observed. “Now what?”

The Doctor steepled her fingers, notepad at her side. “Well, we should start with what we know. What do we know they have in common?”

“They’re both Infected, they both have ties to outside factions, they both...um...that’s what I’ve got.”

“Both of them keep secrets while trying to be as open as they can.” That earned her a look. “Astesia doesn’t talk about her society, but she’s an open book when it comes to astrology and divinations, and Ethan won’t tell us everything about his past but loves dishing dirt about Reunion and some of the things he’s done.”

She sighed. “You’re right, I just never would have seen that.”

“It’s okay, darling; that’s why I’m here!” The Doctor hopped on the couch to get within ear-scratching range and proceeded to do just that.

“Prrrr...” Kal leaned into it, entirely forgetting the early hour. “H-hey, don’t rile me up too much, or we’re never going to finish this.”

She smirked. “Alright, if you insist. They both have rather refined tastes - Astesia because of her background, and Ethan for the exact opposite reason. Actually, that’s pretty important; Astesia lived the life of a rich man’s daughter, pursuing her fancies and becoming involved in a hyper-sophisticated elite occult society of some sort, while Ethan has lived on the ground his entire life, fighting for the Infected’s right to be acknowledged with nothing more than cans of spray paint. Despite that, they’ve both had crises of faith, sort of; Ethan has been a pacifist resistance fighter for so long, he’d lost hope that there’d ever be a future for the Infected, and when Astesia became Infected, she was suddenly confronted with the limitations of her chosen field. I think Ethan’s morale is higher, since his fears are pretty firmly assuaged now that he’s with us while Astesia’s battle is really one only she can fight, but...hmm.”

“I took for granted that you’re in charge of HR. That was a really deep analysis for something like a shipping diagram, darling.”

“How do you think I got this good?” The Doctor kissed Kal’tsit’s forehead. “You have to be good at this sort of thing if you want to argue about pairings on the forums.”

Kal’s ear twitched. “The...forums?”

“There’s a group of us here in RI who talk to each other anonymously on this one site. They’re actually the ones who told me about our history together, so my little hobby is what got us together~”

“I will never disparage your fake matchmaking hobby again,” Kal’tsit swore. “When does any of this turn into something meaningful, though?”

Her wife nodded sagely. “That would be the meet-cute.”

“The meet who?”

“The meet-cute.” The Doctor giggled at Kal’s blank stare. “You really are new to this, I love it. It’s when a couple have their first encounter; like, they aren’t romantically involved, but this first meeting foreshadows it, and usually it’s kind of out-there. For us, that’d be when you gave me my first briefing.”

Kal’tsit, head now resting in the Doctor’s lap, shook her head. “There wasn’t anything weird about that, was there?”

“I kept having to grab my pockets with my hands to stop myself from rubbing behind your ears.”

“Oh, that’s what you were doing.” She chuckled. “I thought you were cold, and I was this close to grabbing your hands myself just so you’d focus on what I was saying.”

The Doctor gave her another ear-scratch. “That’s exactly what made it a meet-cute; we were both so awkward, it made a normal meeting basically impossible. So, what’s their moment like that?”

“It couldn’t be one of Astesia’s readings,” Kal’tsit noted, twirling some of the Doctor’s hair around her finger.

“It wouldn’t be a bad one, but it’s better as an ah-ha moment, I agree.” She thought for a moment. “You know, I can’t think of a time I sent them on a mission together.”

Kal nodded. “They go on a mission, and they’re sitting next to each other on the transport back. Ethan tries to make small talk, which Astesia responds to, and then they’re ambushed.”

“Oh, I like that - Reunion grunts, definitely a couple of Wraiths in there, they fight them off and resume heading home...but now they’ve not just gone on a mission, they’ve fought together, like back-to-back almost. Talk about bringing people together.”

“Speaking of which,” she rubbed her hands together, “the next thing is Ethan asking for a reading and finding out something moving in his love sector, right?”

The Doctor shrugged. “That’s a little too straightforward.”

“Too straightforward? For who?”

“Well...how do I explain this,” she mused for a moment. “Life isn’t that simple, so for a ship to sail right, going for the obvious connections is kind of like taking the easy way out.”

Kal’tsit sighed. “Alright, then, what happens next?”

“Well, let’s see...”

-

A few days later, Ethan walked into Dr. Kal’tsit’s office with his usual, almost accidental stealth. “Yo, Dr. Kal’tsit, you got a minute? I need to ask you about something.”

“One second.” She growled something into her phone before hanging up. “Alright, go ahead. What is it?”

“Normally I’d talk to the Doctor, but...anyway, I was wondering if you could talk to her about her most recent shipfic.”

Kal’tsit’s eyes flew to the door. “Come in and close the door behind you.”

“Sure.” He complied. “Anyway, I wanted to ask - is she psychic or something?”

“I’m starting to wonder that - she did call Provence and Scavenger, after all...You and Astesia, right?”

He scratched behind his head. “I don’t wanna say she gave me the idea, but I write myself, and after reading her post, I got to thinking, and...our convoy got ambushed earlier today.”

“My God.”

“Now, I don’t think I should try to force anything, but, well, we did kind of hit it off, so...” Ethan sighed. “Any advice?”

She smiled. “Life is never as straightforward as we want it to be, but that doesn’t mean we can’t make it simpler. Ask her to give you a reading; if she says good things about your love sector, maybe see if she can clarify things a little more.”

“That’s what I was thinking. Well, that’s all I needed to ask, so I’ll let you get back to it.”

“One thing before you go, Ethan?” Kal’tsit gestured to her cell phone. “Give me a call after you’ve gotten an answer.”

He gave her a curious look. “Why’s that?”

“So I can rub it in the Doctor’s face if I’m right, and prepare a good response if I’m not.”

[blackaquokat]

The Song You Might Have Been (Chapter 2)

Link to Chapter 1

A/N: Fun fact, Legal Eagle used to be slang for “lawyer,” hence the DA’s nickname. 

You will also notice, this chapter, that I am taking blatant inspiration for a subplot from Shawshank Redemption. Because it is absolutely something my DA would do. And also, there is a scene here that I once wrote in response to a prompt. 

Anyway, thanks for the feedback so far, everyone! I appreciate it so much! 

Enjoy!

--

Apparently Yancy has set up a guard rotation for you at mealtimes in collaboration with his nightly watch. 

Today, instead of Jimmy the Pickle, a slim bearded man who introduces himself as Sparkles McGee (you’re curious about the story behind that nickname) joins you at your table. He’s a little more chatty than Jimmy was, constantly going on about the local prison gossip. Who is sleeping with who, which jobs are preferable, upcoming birthdays of inmates and guards. He doesn’t seem to expect any kind of response from you, which works out just fine, because you have nothing to contribute. This might be handy information to have in the future anyway.

When it’s yard time again, however, Sparkles splits off to his group of inmates at the corner. Just as you’re about to go spend another hour lost in thought or maybe doing some exercises, Sparkles comes back and drags you to his posse. 

He introduces them one by one: a young woman who looks simultaneously bored and ready to kill, “Tiny”; a younger man with a hisp of a goatee and mustache, “Bam-Bam”; a pale, lanky man with gears tattooed to his temple, “Heap-Ass”; and a larger bald man, “Shithole Hank.” The last one is apparently the man to go to for hooch wine, and every time you’re offered a sip, you make a hard pass. Your excuse is a preference for whiskey or lime and gin. In reality, you just haven’t gotten desperate enough for alcohol to drink it out of a toilet.

Once the introductions are made, you once again just sit back and listen as the crew converses amongst one another. With the amount of gossip you catch during that time, you manage to construct imaginary cases in your head where this evidence is used in support of various litigation lawsuits.

It’s a real eye-opener for you, how little of a life you had outside of work that this is the most you can come up with to occupy yourself outside of reading a book.

Speaking of…

“Is there a library here?” you ask during a short lull in the conversation.

The group blinks at you in sync. 

“Um.” Bam-Bam shakes his head. “There’s a book cart with a small selection, and a room about the size of a closet, but that’s about it.”

Your brow furrows. “Is this another case of Warden Murder-Slaughter’s ‘rehabilitation over punishment’ slogan falling flat on its face?”

Tiny snorts. Sparkles shrugs.  An idea forms in your mind.

“Um…” Shithole Hank leans towards Sparkles. “Should we be worried about that look in their eye?”

“Only if it gets us in trouble.”

You decide to ignore that exchange. “Would you guys like to have a proper library?”

This draws some intrigue from your companions. Tiny in particular looks interested in this proposal. 

“How the hell would you manage that?” Sparkles demands.

You cross your arms and try for a confident smile. “You don’t go through years of law school without learning how to figure out contracts and loopholes. If I can talk with the warden, I’d like to at least see what I can do.”

You cut off when you see the group staring behind you with wide eyes. You turn heel to see one of the guards looking you up and down. Rex, your mind supplies. This is Rex. 

“If you want the Warden,” Rex growls, “I can take you to him. But you gotta do something for me first.”

Shit.

----

“What do you mean youse done talked with the Warden?” Yancy demands when you stroll into the cell that evening.

“I wanted to ask him what steps I needed to take to get a bigger library implemented here,” you respond with absolutely no shame whatsoever. 

The meeting went surprisingly well. You’ve got a rough idea of how to go about this, now that you know what the problems are. Even better, you actually did find a copy of Murder on the Orient Express on the cart, so a double-win for the day. You crawl on top of the bedsheets and crack the novel open.

Yancy leaps down from the bunk and glares down at you. “And youse didn’t think to inform me of this plan of youse’s?”

You lift your brow without looking away from the book. “I didn’t think you’d be opposed to the idea of making your home a little more homey by having a more updated collection of books.”

“Of course not--”

“Then what’s the problem?” 

There’s a huff and a growl before Yancy climbs back into his bunk and falls into it more aggressively than necessary. You think that’s the end of it until his head pops down. “What makes you think youse can just waltz into here and demand youse’s luxuries?!”

Ah. Okay, you see where he’s coming from. 

You shut your book and set it down. “Look, I know I’m a prosecution lawyer, but I’m not completely heartless. Yes, I would like a larger collection of books, but don’t the rest of you want more to read too? You look like you’ve been here long enough to read all of those three times. I mean, Rex brought me to the warden in the first place just because he wants a better poetry collection to pick from. He asked for specific authors and poets.”

Yancy does not deny this. 

You continue, “Besides, just because you’re in prison doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to expand your horizons, literature-wise that is. I know books helped me growing up, imagine what they’ll mean to everyone in here.”

Yancy continues to stare at you, utterly baffled. “Youse quite the enigma, Eagle.”

“For...what? Caring?”

He shrugs. A weird sight to watch from someone who’s upside down. “Not for caring, per se. But more...the ‘doing’ part.” He disappears into his bunk again. “Here’s hopin’ it won’t be for nothin’.”

“What do you mean?”

“You think youse the first person to ask for more books, Eagle? There’s a reason that collection hasna been updated since the war. Nobody’s seen it through to the end. They gets discouraged.”

You purse your lips, fingers tapping against your book. “I would think you’d have realized from my reputation. I don’t quit.”

There’s a chuckle above you. A genuine one. “That’s what I’m countin’ on, Eagle.”

---

Yancy is right. There’s a reason the collection has barely grown since the prison opened up.

No one on the outside wants to fund the damn thing. 

That doesn’t stop you. You start writing letter after letter after letter to the state legislature asking (demanding and borderline threatening, really) for the funds needed to make a bigger library. Thanks to your work in the government, and after a quick phone call to Damien to confirm (while he also updates you on the progress on your case), you know exactly who to contact. It gives you something to do. Something really meaningful. It helps to pass the time and helps to keep from feeling helpless about your own situation. 

It also gets you a whole different kind of attention from the inmates.

After Week Two of your letter campaign, Tiny speaks up. You’ve started sitting with Yancy’s posse since they adopted you into their group outside of protection detail. “You really think you can get a library here?”

Seeing as Tiny has barely made a sound in your presence before, this takes you completely by surprise. As well as the rest of the table. You recover quickly. “That’s...what I’m hoping for.”

Tiny’s head ducks, her fingers tapping against one another. “Um...if you do…”

“Yeah?”

“Can we make requests?” she eventually blurts out. “For books we’d like? I mean, do you think we could get children’s books?”

You put down your fork and offer her your full attention. “Did you have a specific one in mind?”

“The Velveteen Rabbit.” Tiny tugs at her braid. “My grandmother used to read it to me.”

You’re overwhelmed with the sudden urge to protect Tiny with your life. Even if you’re pretty sure Tiny has killed at least three people since she was imprisoned and could absolutely kill you if she wanted to. “If that book isn’t included in any delivery we’re given, I will annoy the legislature until they do. Sound good?”

Tiny smiles at you. A small, genuine one. It renews your motivation and you end up writing two letters that evening, in preparation for the next time mail comes along. Next thing you know, other inmates (and even a few guards aside from Rex, much to your surprise) have requests for books they would like available.

Oddly enough, it’s the letter writing and the book requests that finally drive you to ask Yancy how you go about ordering contraband.

“What the hell do youse need contraband for?” He’s sitting cross-legged in the top bunk while you’re trying to draft your next letter on the slab sticking out from the opposite wall.

You hold up the golf pencil you’re using with frustration. “Because these are driving me up the wall. They are terrible. And the quality of the paper here is a nightmare too, it smudges way too easily.”

“So what? Youse want pen and paper?”

Your brow lifts. “That not a lethal enough order?”

Yancy’s smile is borderline feral in its delight. “Youse a lot more interesting than I thought you’d be, Eagle. The guy to go to is Heap-Ass. He’ll get you anything you want. For a price.”

You really don’t like that tone of his. “And? What’s the price?”

“Depends.”

“I don’t do sex favors. Or assassinations.”

“Nah, he’s not that twisted. It’ll either be a chore switch or cigarette packs, somethings in that nature, you know?”

You twirl your terrible pencil between your fingers, feeling a little more hopeful. “That I can definitely handle.”

---

You’ve always known, on an intellectual, common sense level, that prison brutality is absolutely a problem. It’s something you learned in law school from the professors who cared about teaching the kind of scenes law students would actually have to address in their lines of work.

It’s an entirely other experience to watch a rookie guard get too into his job and beat the shit out of a prisoner whose only crime was walking a little too close to the bastard.

Your gut instinct is to run forward and help, somehow. A stupid instinct that would have gotten you killed or at least tossed into the infirmary on a permanent basis had Yancy not grabbed your arm to stop you.

“Hold up there, Eagle.” He pulls you back, a glare fixed on the brutal scene before you. “No need for two of ours to ends up with broken wings, youse hear me?” 

You swallow back your righteous anger and force yourself to calm down. It’s not right, it’s not right, and the justice lawyer inside of you is itching to make it right somehow–-

Yancy must see your conflict and anger. He puts a hand on your shoulder and mutters into your ear, “No worries. Me and the others ain’t gonna let this stand. We’ve got our own system in place here.”

That night, you pretend to be asleep when you hear that rookie guard scream for help. You don’t look to see what happens, who does it, or how, and the next day, when the warden summons you to ask if you know anything to explain why the guard’s body was found in the laundry room, you tell him as much.

When you see Yancy later, he seems almost impressed at your lackadaisical reaction to what took place. “Thought you were all about the law, Eagle?”

You lean on the wall next to him and look out across the yard, watching the other inmates mingle together. “In the absence of the law, I’ll take what justice I can get.”

You can almost feel Yancy’s approval. “I can appreciate that.”

--

Link to Chapter 3 here!

Thank you for reading! Please relbog/comment! If you want to be tagged/untagged for the rest of this series or this pairing, please leave a message in my inbox!

@starcrossedforever87 , @dontworryaboutanything , @beereblogsstuff , @falseroar , @intemperantiae , @memetoyoko , @soul-wolf , @marki-dumb , @withjust-a-bite , @raimeyl , @scribbeetle , @its-dari , @neverisadork , @silver-owl413 , @sassy-in-glasses , @chelseareferenced , @sketchy-scribs-n-doods , @axolittle-boi , @wildfandom , @shrinkthisviolet , @purple-anxiety-blog , @conceitedink , @skidspace

[wreath-of-laurels]

Summary: In U.A., there’s a bit of a problem with people being related to Villains. In fact, they are having even more of a problem finding people who aren't.

---

As some of you may have noticed, I have been posting links for my AO3 stuff over here. I figure that I should throw in some random thoughts on the writing process here so this post isn’t just a retred for those who already know the work. For those who haven’t read it, I would recommend checking it out if you’re so inclined then come back if you feel like it.

The Problem With Skywalkers is arguably one of the easiest and most popular things that I have ever written which makes it both a wonderful thing and a tiny bit of a frustration. Quite simply it is primarily crack and with the exception of a few bits doesn’t really pretend to be anything else.

As far as I can tell, the idea formed during a discussion about the Dad for One theory at @tsukithewolf​‘s Discord. I made a comment about how it would be a bit awkward if the Dabi is Touya and the Dad for One were both true:

Me: I'm somewhat skeptical of the Dad for One theory, if only because I'm pretty sure Dabi is Touya, and pulling the same trope twice might be a bit much.

Then along comes this annoying/wonderful collaborator who plants a crazy idea in my head.  

Anonymous_Nerb:  lmao all the league just spontaneously adopting family members outa nowhere

bakugou: ...ok, so both deku and icyhot APPARENTLY have villain family members. whos next, fucking round cheeks?? 

uraraka: well, actually...

I make a joke along those lines and then the bastard eggs me on.

Me: The Iidas turn out to be a mob family going back through the generations. Tenya's villainous persona from the training exercise is his normal self. Momo is a resurrected Shimura Hana. Neito is AFO's other long lost son.

Bakugou gets grumpy because his villainous relative was defeated during the USJ arc and isn't suitably badass. 

The Bastard:  i wanna see a fic of this so bad now

aizawa: i would expel you all for the pure bullshittery of your family trees, but giran is my cousin so screw this

And then when I was trying to write my deep and meaningful Hero!Dabi fic, my brain gets hijacked and I can’t stop coming up with crackier and crackier ideas. Many of them just showed up with no prompting whatsoever and others where based on vague connections. Honestly, I think the fic wrote itself.

Giran and Aizawa: All the Bastard’s fault. Thankfully she(?) gave her blessing.

Inasa and Kurogiri: Oboro had a weather Quirk and Inasa sort of does. Also their personalities don’t fit at all so that will be fun.

Koda: I wonder if I how I can throw Nedzu into the mix. Oh yeah, Koda can talk to animals. 

Shigaraki and Momo: Hmmm... Didn’t I read a fic with that a while back?

Seiji and Mr. Compress: They make ball-like things. Why not?

Midnight and Moonfish: They both have kinky dress sense.

Vlad and Toga: Gotta do that one!!!

Also the whole bonding experience between Dabi and Shouto is completely @gentrychild​‘s fault for her hilarious and well-worth the read How to murder your father fic. 

That being said, since this is me and I am physically incapable of writing humour without drama and drama without humour (seriously, my ‘meaningful’ Dabi fic has him whining about phallic grafitti and being bossed around by his younger siblings), I end up throwing in a few serious sections with Uraraka and Eri bits. 

As I came close, I noticed a problem with the fic: the Dabi is Touya theory is much too plausible to blend in with the rest. So I naturally, I couldn’t let that stand. 

As for why Dabi didn’t say anything when Shouto showed up and tried to bond with him? I figure Dabi is used to hanging out with nutty people (himself included) so a kid insisting on calling him Niisan is pretty much a Tuesday for him. Besides the kid wants to kill Endeavor? He’s cool with that.

Honestly, I was rather weirded (but thrilled) out by how well people responded to the story. It was my first attempt at writing full-on crack, I wrote it in under fifteen hours, and didn’t expect it to be arguably the most popular thing that I’ve written. 

As for the frustration I mentioned, some of it is the common writer thought process of ‘I worker five zillion hours on this other fic and two on this one. Why the hell is the two hour one so popular?!!!!’

Yeah, I know: it’s a dumb reason to complain. This from me who genuinely likes the fic and thinks it turned out way better than I was expected. Go figure. I’ll go cry myself a river now.

The other bit is that my crazy inspiration disappeared after I finished it and I kind of needed it for my other projects... *sigh* That’s the life.

For those who are curious to the various cultural references used in this fic, they are:

The super intelligent mice are from Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams.

‘Please note all of the former relations include in-laws, step-family, adopted family, family of choice, pets and father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommates.‘ is a reference to Mel Brooks’ Star Wars parody Space Balls.

Pretty much the all the subtitles are inspired by Terry Prachett’s (RIP) Discworld. Prachett is arguable the authors who has influenced me the most both in my writing style and my way of looking at the world.

Well, Star Wars of course.

[littlemisssquiggles]

how do you feel about the idea that all the oscar as the little prince and ruby as the rose allusions and whatnot are correct, but ruby/oscar aren't reunited as a romantic pairing? i totally agree with all the points about oscar being the little prince, but the idea of him and ruby being together romantically has personally never really made sense to me based on their interactions and it feels a bit icky because of the age gap. just curious about your thoughts, thanks!

“…but theidea of him and ruby being together romantically has personally never reallymade sense to me based on their interactions and it feels a bit icky because ofthe age gap…”

“…and it feels a bit icky because of the age gap…”

…It feelsicky because of the age gap? To quote CRWBY Writer: Miles Luna himself,it’s just two years? As far as theaudience are aware, Ruby Rose is roughlyabout seventeen years old (more or less) while Oscar is fourteen probably goingon fifteen years old (more or less).

Regardless, going off of what Miles once confirmed, no matter how much olderRuby gets, Oscar will always be just two years younger than her. So evenif Ruby is currently 17 years old in the main series, Oscar is probably on thecusp of turning 15 soon since as, confirmed by Miles, the age gap between Rubyand Oscar is 2 and ONLY 2 years. How big of a gap is that really?

Riddle me this anon-chan, what is so weird or to quote your own words, “icky” about a prospective relationshipbetween two kids that are only two years apart? 

Because you’re not the first person I’ve hearduse the whole age gap as a means to imply why they don’t favour Rosegarden. Asa matter of fact, the age difference thing is a common argument amongst theAnti-RG shipping community and I’m sorry but I find this reason to be rathersilly to my ears.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to make you oranyone with this type of mind-set feel bad for having this opinion since you’reentitled to have it.

However, since I am giving my own opinion here, thissquiggle meister honestly finds this rationaleto be silly; to put it nicely. It’s even more ludicrous when Ihear people use it in debates against Rosegarden.

Maybe it’s because I was born in the 90s and grewup during the 2000s when times were certainly different than it is nowadays ormaybe it’s because I’m the youngest child of parents with a five year age difference or maybe it’s because I’m from a culturewhere this type of stuff is considered “smallting”---either way, I find it really ridiculous when people make a big dealover something like a measly two year age gap between two fictional characterwho are essentially both teenagers.

Realistically, two years is not that big of anage gap. Even at 17 and 14 respectively, Rubyand Oscar are still the two youngest members within our hero team whichputs them at being closer in age than any of the other characters. Not tomention that, 2 years is a common age gap used within the RWBY series. Ruby andYang are two years apart as far as siblings go. Not to mention that the twoyear age gap is shared not just by Rosegardenbut also with other more commonly known Ruby ships like Lancaster, Whiterose andNuts and Dolts.

That being said, I’m going to safely assume thatyou’re probably someone who feels uncomfortable shipping Ruby with anyone atall anon-chan, Oscar included, since if you take issue with the age gap betweenthe Rosebuds then I’m assuming youprobably don’t favour the rest of the Ruby ships for that same reason, right?

I hope you’re not one of those hypocrites whoonly find the 2 year age gap problematic for Rosegarden but not for Whiterose,Lancaster, Nuts and Dolts, etc.

But to each, their own, I suppose.

Anyways, to answer your main question---as I’ve voiced before, part of the core reason I started shipping Ruby and Oscar together was actuallybecause of their interactions from V5 and how strongly the series placedemphasis on it from the start of that season. Since their first meeting inV5, the CRWBY Writers have delivered well on showing a need to push Ruby andOscar closer together by having them naturally develop a friendship and strongsense of trust and respect in one another. On that part, all things considered,the show has down well on developing the rapport between the Rosebuds.

Oscar’s bond with Ruby gave me a much differentvibe than any of her other connections and vice versa. One thing I’ve talkedabout with Rosegarden is that I always liked how the show portrayed Ruby andOscar as showing a mutual level of interest in each other. Not necessarily inany kind of romantic way.  But it has been very evident since the firsttime they met that Oscar and Ruby do like each other.

Despite only being friends for a short space oftime, Ruby and Oscar share a comfort and sense of trust with one another moreakin to people who have known each other for years and I like that element totheir relationship.

From the get-go, the two have shown to get alongreally well and their friendship has only grown over the passing seasons.

I understand that you don’t get romance fromtheir interactions and you’re right about that---nothing regarding the pastRosegarden interactions has been all that romanticallycharged. While it’s been highlighted that Oscar and Ruby definitely care forone another and are willing to go above and beyond to protect each other, as aRosegardener, I’ll admit that nothing truly grounding has been dropped in ourlaps as yet. Like with any ship in RWBY, us Gardeners have gotten a couple ofcute and meaningful moments shared between the Rosebuds that has helped withtheir respective character development and mayeven hint at a possible futureromance between Oscar and Ruby. But nothing to really nip it in the butt asyet.

However, as I said, the potential for a future romance is there. You might not see itthat way anon-chan but for me, I can’t help but feel like the Writers have beenslowly setting something to happenbetween Ruby and Oscar for a while. Since V5. Will it be romance? I can’t really tell you for sure. Hence whyI’ve beem following the pair closely over the seasons, patiently waiting to seewhether or not the Writers will actually make that leap with these two.

As I’ve said in the past, I’m riding the Rosegarden hype train mainly because I really, really likethis ship. It’s the only Ruby and Oscar pairing that I honestly believe has thepotential to become canon and because of that, I genuinely wish to see where itgoes. If a love story is what the CRWBY Writers wish to do in the long runfor the buds then obviously I am all in for that. Oscar and Ruby are my twoall-time favourite characters in RWBY and personally, I think a romance betweenthese two kids can work and will be nothing but adorkable and sweet sincethat’s how the show has always portrayed them together.

However if romance isn’t in the cards for thesetwo then that’s fine as well. While I’d be totally lying to myself if I said Iwasn’t heavily rooting for a romantic endgame between these two smaller, more honest souls, at theend of the day, I just want to see Rubyand Oscar share a strong meaningful bond with one another that’s important tothem as part of their own individual stories and arcs since it would be thefitting payoff to the build-up between them from the past few seasons.

Why draw attention to keymoments and interactions between these two kids if the takeaway wasn’t going tobe something important like the two of them coming to terms with how much theyvalue each other in their lives or something along those lines?

Either way, I’d be happy with any kind of close bondbetween Ruby and Oscar, be it platonic (best friends/most trustedconfidantes much like their Oz counterparts) or romantic (lovers; strongly devoted to one another and responsiblefor each other; much like their Little Prince counterparts). For me, Rosegardencan go either way and still work tremendously well. Heck I’d personally love itif both were done since I’m a sucker for the strangers to close friends to lovers romance trope.

So long as Rosegarden continues to be a goodrelationship that the Writers continue to handle it with the respect that it’streated the two thus far then I’d be cool either way.

Personally I think it would be pretty sweet ifOscar and Ruby end up falling in love with one another and sharing a romancesince I’d imagine it’d be just as adorably awkward yet sweet and wholesome asthe show has always portrayed their relationship up until this point. Itdefinitely makes me excited to see how their relationship blossoms movingforward especially now that they are separated and unaware of each other’sfates, much like their Little Prince counterparts. If romance is in the cardsfor these two kids then the conclusion of V7 going into V8 presents theWriters’ with a golden opportunity to explore it if they so desire. But at theend of the day, it’s their call.

I’m just curious and of course, beyond excited tosee it all play out. To be honest with you anon-chan,I’m not quite sure what kind of answer you’re probably expecting me to givefrom this. If you were expecting me to respond like “If Rosegarden doesn’t become endgame then I will drop RWBY and I willhate the CRWBY Writers forever” then no.You’re not gonna get that type of response with me.

I do strongly believe that there is going to besomething to go down between Ruby and Oscar. I feel like the show has beenslowly building up to something significant to go down for these twokids---something that is unique to only them. A type of bond the two will sharetogether that will differentiate their bond from others within the series.

But as much as I adore Rosegarden as my favouriteRWBY pairing and even as much as I would love to see them end up together inthe end, I also firmly understand and RESPECTthe fact that by the end of the day, these characters belong to RoosterTeethand the story that I’ve been following with them and their allies are being controlledby people who have their own plans for them.

What that plan is, is what I, as the audiencemember, await to see with each passing volume; whether I end up enjoying what Isee or not.

 Will it be a love story? Will it be somethingelse? That’s the thing. I really don’t know what it will be and that’s where mycuriosity has mostly been peeked. I REALLY, REALLY want to see where theseWriters take these two.

 Hence why I jumped on the bandwagon of the LittlePrince. Through small moments that I can see were inspired by the story, I canget a small sense of where the Writers might be taking the Rosebuds. It’s whyI’m very excited for Oscar’s story for V8.

In the Little Prince story, the Prince had lefthis rose to go on a journey from which he was able to mature further and ultimatelycame to realize the true meaning behind his relationship with his one true rose.This is what I’m hoping for with Ruby and Oscar. I’m expecting this separationbetween them to force to them to see how much they truly value each other.

But it’s not just the Little Prince connectionsthat made me excited for the future of Rosegarden. There’s also the connectionto the God of Light. Right now, outsideof Salem, Ruby and Oscar are the twoother known characters within the series who share in the power of the God ofLight.

With Oscar, it is the God of Light’s power thathas fuelled Ozma’s reincarnation cycle. Not to mention that like many magi duringFirst Remnant, Ozma could wield magic which was known throughout the lands asthe “gift from the Gods”. That poweralong with the knowledge to command it has now been passed down to Oscar as wesubtly saw displayed in the V7 finale.

As for Ruby, she too possesses the power of theGod of Light through her Silver Eyes as hinted back during V6. And as far as weknow, Ruby is currently the only livingSilver Eyed Warrior in existence which makes her a very unique rose.

I would count the Maidens but the Maidens were a creation of Ozma’s magic---amagic that Oscar will ultimately inherit and could potentially take back shouldhe need to challenge Salem on his own again like Ozma once did during his lifeas Diggs.

Basically what I’m trying to say here is thatRuby and Oscar both share a predicament unique to them and only them.

Oscar is Ozma’s current incarnation. Ozma was thechosen champion of humanity, selected by the God of Light himself in the hopesthat he would help repair Remnant by stopping Salem. Ruby is a Silver EyedWarrior with the God-given ability to smite the Grimm whose current master isSalem.

Ozma fought Salem in the past and failed to stopher on his own (he managed to kill her but her immortality curse resurrectedher). Summer Rose, Ruby’s own mother and the last Silver Eyed Warrior toconfront Salem faced her on her own and much like Ozma once did, lost her life.

The only thing that hasn’t been tried is an incarnation of Ozma working togetherwith a Silver Eyed Warrior with the two fighting Salem together.

During his lifetime with Norman, when Ozma first asked Jinn about how he could stop Salem,he was told disappointingly that he couldn’t stop Salem. Perhaps, this was Jinn hinting to Ozma that his role was never tostop Salem. Perhaps ultimately,Ozma’s true purpose was to survive long enough to the lifetime where he wouldbe able to protect or more or less support and fight beside the very person whois destined to stop Salem once and for all.

What would be interesting is if ultimately,maybe…just maybe---Oscar and Rubyworking together; supporting each other as one with the light of God that theyshare; might be what can turn the tides against Salem. Maybe their union will the key in some shapeor form. Then again, this is just me spouting my theories as usual.

Overall, if Rosegarden as a fated pair is a direction that the Writers (particularly Miles andKerry since they are the two seniorwriters who sparked this bond in the first place back during V5) wish totake these two kids then that’s awesome. Brilliant even.

Obviously I’m more in favour of them falling in love andending up together-together. Hand over my kingdom of hearts, this squiggle meister is definitely rootingfor Ruby and Oscar to have their own fairy-tale love story (that would have ahappier ending than the first one) and I am unapologetically biased aboutthat.

I’m not even gonna try and deny my bias. Shoot,my bias has probably been showing since I started typing this response XD Whatcan I say? I love me a good, wholesome, fluffy lovey-dovey romance and I thinka puppy love story or union between our twosmaller, more honest souls would be…well…a match made by the Gods (y’see what I did thar? 8V)

Hoooooooooooowever…, for whatever reason, shoulda romance NOT happen for Rosegarden and in the end, they just end up being two equallygod-tier characters who support each other dearly and share one of the bestestfriendships in the whole series, then… I’d be fine with that too.

Not as flamboyant as “a match made by the Gods” but still sweet because it’s these twobeans.

Disappointing, yes, but not as catastrophically devastating as I’veseen other shippers react to not seeing their favourite pairs come to fruition.

Basically what I’m trying to say here bottom-lineis that I’m not going to lose my shit ifthe CRWBY Writers don’t make Rosegarden endgame.

Yes, my Rosegardening shipping kokoro would bebrokoro buuuuuuuuuuuut….that wouldn’t really stop me from adoring RG orshipping it any less than I always have. 

In the end, I’ll respect whatever direction the Writers decide to take thisfavourite ship of mine; platonic, romantic, somewhere in between or otherwise.

I’ve been in enough fandoms to know that canon endgame DOESN’T necessarily mean THEEND OF A SHIP. There are a lot of ships that I’ve seen survive and thriveregardless of the canon (for example: Zutarafrom Avatar the Last Airbender , Sheith from Voltron: Legendary Defender and Kachaako from My HeroAcademia).

So even if Ruby and Oscar doesn’t become a couplein the canon, it won’t really change my feelings toward their ship. The most Ican say is the same that I’ve always said about RG:

I’m here to see where Ruby and Oscar go in their current relationship with each other andI’ll support it regardless of whatever happens.

I hope this answers your question anon-chan.

~LittleMissSquiggles(2020)

[ladylillianrose]

You’ve Got SPRQS a Max Richman/Zoey Clarke Fanfiction

A/N: I'm back guys! So this plot bunny wouldn't leave me alone. You've Got Mail is one of my favorite movies, so I decided to take a modern ZEP twist on it! So hopefully you all enjoy this!

SPRQS messages are in italics

Thank you to my lovely beta aubreyrichman for looking things over and listening to me ramble.

Just borrowing the characters to play with, they're all Austin Winsberg's babies!

Summary:  A new dating app has just launched for the SPRQ Watch, called SPRQS. Joan signs Zoey up for it in order to help her meet someone. Will Zoey find someone? Can you really fall in love through an app? Inspired by You've Got Mail.

Chapter 1

"I'm sorry, you did what?" Zoey asked Joan incredulously.

"I signed you up for that new dating app that just launched on the SPRQ Watch," Joan calmly explained.

"Ooookay….but why me?" 

Joan raised her eyebrow at her, "Because, you need to try putting yourself out there!"

"But a dating app? Aren't those just hookup excuses?" Zoey asked, worrying her lip.

"Not this one! No photos, no real names and no personal info until you choose to disclose it. SPRQS is all about building a lasting connection through meaningful chats and messages with one another." Joan explained eagerly. 

"So it won't even interfere with your nonexistent social life. If you find someone you enjoy chatting with, then you talk with them until you're ready to meet in person. And when that happens, I'll go with you to make sure they aren't a homicidal knife wielding maniac." Joan reassured her.

Zoey sighed, "I guess that doesn't sound too bad."

"Great, so here's your login info. You just need to make a simple profile listing some of your interests, and then you just decide who you want to talk to." Joan beamed at her.

"CodeRedLeader?" Zoey looked at Joan skeptically.

"What? It works." She said dismissing Zoey. 

Zoey shrugged her shoulders and headed to her desk. She took a moment to write a short profile.  " My blood type is coffee. No, the moon landing was not faked. Aren't you a little short for a Stormtrooper?”

Within a few minutes she had a message from someone named PianoMan. 

"Why is it all the women I talk to prefer Star Wars to Star Trek? Genuinely asking, maybe I'm missing something."

Zoey chuckled, she glanced at his profile. It read,  "Office guy by day, Piano Man by night. Pitched that idea to Marvel, still waiting to hear back….Live long and prosper."

"Maybe it's because all the women you know appreciate the badassness that is Princess Leia who eventually becomes General, and the leader of the Resistance?"  She responded.

"Hmmmm...that does seem to track with the women I know….Hii by the way, I promise I don’t normally start all conversations with random questions about Star Wars vs Star Trek...some but not  all  .”

Zoey couldn't help but giggle, "Hi to you too."

"So….I'm not totally sure how this all is supposed to work,"  he confessed.

" A friend signed me up for this so I'm not that certain myself. She said something about using it to chat and get to know people. Which, considering how busy my life is right now, is about all I have time for."

"I totally get that. Things can get pretty crazy here too. Pretty much the only thing that keeps me sane sometimes is my piano."

"Oh, so you actually play? That's not just a clever screen name or line to get the ladies ;)" she teased.

"LOL! Oh, that's too funny if you think that line gets any ladies. But, yes I do play, I've been playing since I was a child. But what about you? CodeRedLeader? I can't make heads or tails of that."

"Well, RedLeader is of course for the far superior Star Wars, and what can I say? I just love Mountain Dew Code Red."  What the fuck am I saying? Mountain Dew Code Red? Really Zoey?

There was a pause as she waited for a response.

"Of all the soda flavors out there, you're telling me that Mountain Dew Code Red is the one you would choose? I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who would admit to that."

Zoey cringed,  "Umm yeah, it's amazing…"

"Lol, to each their own. Look, I have to get back to work before my boss realizes I haven't done anything in the past half hour. But, I'd like to keep talking to you if that's okay, Red?"

Zoey grinned,  "I need to get back to work, too. But, yes Billy, I'd like that."

He sent back a laughing emoji followed by a piano keyboard.  "Talk to you later, Red."

"Bye, Billy."

Zoey glanced up from her watch to see Joan watching her with an approving smile.

Zoey shook her head, turning to focus on her work, when she felt a cup nudge against her hand.

She looked up, and saw Max standing there with a cup of coffee held out to her.

"How did you know?" She asked, taking a sip and savoring the rush of caffeine.

"I figured if Joan was making you meet with her when everything was going pretty smoothly, then you might need a pick-me-up." Max grinned taking a sip of his own coffee.

Zoey smiled at her best friend, "Naw, it was just a checking in chat. Making sure everything is okay." She was too embarrassed to admit that Joan had signed her up for SPRQS. 

"Did you hear about this new dating app that someone came up with?" Max asked.

Zoey coughed as she inhaled her coffee too quickly. "There's a dating app?" She squeaked.

"Yeah, it's called something like SPRQLR, or SPRQR I think?"

"Hmm," Zoey feigned disinterest. 

"Yo bro, it's called SPRQS!" Tobin said as he approached them.

"You know like, you've got SPRQS of love because of the connections you make."

Max raised his eyebrow at him, "And how do you know so much about it?"

"Cause I signed up, dude! I'm going to find the perfect person to handle all of this," he gestured to himself.

Zoey turned pale as she realized that there was a possibility that Tobin was PianoMan.

"Random question, but do you play any instruments?" Zoey asked.

Tobin looked at her oddly, "Just my sweet skills on the mic and some beat boxing. Why do you ask?"

Zoey breathed a sigh of relief. "Just curious. I hear some girls are into musicians. So, you could always lead with that."

Tobin grinned, "Ooo, that's a good idea, Little Red. Woo a woman with my mad lyrics. You guys should check the app out, it's pretty sweet."

Zoey shook her head. "Oh no, I don't have time for anything like that." She lied.

"What about you, Maxi-Pad?"

"First, don't call me that. And second, it doesn't sound like my kind of thing. I prefer personal conversations to exchanging messages."

Well, that was at least two guys that Zoey could check off the list. Tobin didn't play piano, and Max clearly hadn't joined the app.

"Come on people, I'm not paying you to stand around and gossip!" Joan yelled from her doorway.

Tobin saluted her and sprinted back to his desk, throwing himself in his chair. "You got it, boss!"

Joan shook her head and returned to her desk.

Max and Zoey exchanged a look, and laughed.

"So, does that mean you aren't going to take Tobin's advice and sign up for SPRQS?" Zoey asked, tentatively.

"I'm no more likely to sign up than you are," Max said, walking back to his desk.

Zoey winced internally, if he only knew.

[crossroadsimagine]

OMG so excited for the matchups, can i have one for attack on titan, fairy tail, fruits basket and black cat? I am a 5’5 tall straight female, 18y/o with pitch black hair and brown eyes. I am a capricorn with a lot of interests and hobbys, mainly art (drawing, painting, sewing, everything creative and manual), writing, playing the piano, acting. I am also really good at cooking. People say that i am unpredictable and my personality is pretty dual: outgoing yet calm, dreamy yet serious... Pt1 🐣

☰ Matched with Rogue

Takes a mild interest in you from the very beginning and likely to develop a crush on you pretty quickly once he starts getting to know you, which pushes him to want to spend more time with you and talk with you more for he can learn more about you. While it doesn’t take very long for him to start falling for you, he can have a hard time working up the courage to actually ask you out, and he can become noticeably nervous and flustered around you. 

When he does go to ask you out it’s in the evening maybe even in the middle of the night, because eventually he won’t be able to keep his feelings bottled up anymore. He is most likely to ask you to go for a walk with him, which it will be very obvious that something’s on his mind and he will stumble around his words trying to confess his feelings. 

He will be terrified that you won’t return his feelings so he will be really relieved when you agree to go out with him, and he’ll finally be able to relax again. Once the two of you begin dating, he is very loyal to you right from the start, he won’t really be comfortable with PDA and can really be embarrassed by affectionate acts particularly at the start of the relationship. 

But he will come around to some affection in public like hugging or holding hands, though he will rarely instigate affection in public but he will respond to it if you do. When the two of you are alone, he can be cuddly but in more subtle ways, he often puts his arm around you when he’s sitting next to you and will adore any time you initiate affectionate acts with him because he loves the attention. He also likes to feel needed so any time that he can be helpful to you he’ll gladly help you however he can, you can also make him very happy any time that you show an interest in spending time with him. 

He adores spending time with you and going on dates with you but really doesn’t need to do anything special or expensive, he’s completely happy to stay at home and watch movies or play games with you or to go places like a café, the zoo, festivals, picnic’s or just going for walks with you or stargazing. Which you are happy to stay home or do outdoor activities as well and he is happy to do anything you want to and go anywhere you want because he really does want to make you happy, and spend time with you. 

He really does find you to be very cute and beautiful but can have a hard time telling you this, stumbling over compliments when he’s trying to tell you how nice you look. But he will compliment you when he can even if it is hard for him to get the words out, he can have a hard time telling you that he loves you too. Which you have a really hard time expressing your feelings too, but he really doesn’t need you to tell him how you feel about him very often, especially if your able to show you care about him in other ways. 

Rogue will be curious about your hobbies and interests especially your artistic hobbies, because he can be easily impressed by your artistic skills, he will also be really touched if you make anything for him through your arts. Be it a drawing or painting for him or sewing a keychain or charm for him, he will really be touched by anything you make for him because its hand made by you. He is also very appreciative of anything you do for him such as cooking snacks, sweets or meals for him or even just checking up on him, asking how his day was particularly if you notice that something is on his mind. 

He is very observant and considerate and can have a pretty easy time noticing when something seems to be bothering you, but he won’t press you to open up and talk to him but he will try to encourage you to talk and wants you to feel comfortable enough with him to open up on your own. You are very nice and polite but can be pretty sassy at times, he is very respectful towards you, but doesn’t always know how to respond to your sassy attitude. 

He adores your personality because you can be that mom friend and can laugh over nothing but you are also very intelligent, which he will admire because doing something like learning multiple languages is quite the accomplishment and he will be impressed by your achievements. 

Rogue is understanding and comforting with you he doesn’t get jealous very easily but can be protective of you, he will stay by your side no matter what happens because once he falls in love with you, he’ll stay with you forever. Doing whatever he can to make you happy and keep you safe he can be insecure at times and worry that he’s not good enough for you, which can make him clingy or needy occasionally but not for very long. 

He sees a future with you and will be interested in hearing what your dreams and goals are in life and if you want to get married one day or what you want for the future of the relationship. He will protect and defend you from anything that arises and supports and encourages you in everything you do, he will always have your back and is a great listener any time you need to talk or vent your frustrations, not matter what happens he’s with you until the end.

☰ Headcanons between the two of you

■ He can be shy when it comes to talking about the relationship or meeting your friends or family, he’ll want to meet your loved ones but at the same time he can be very nervous that your loved ones won’t approve of him or will think you deserve better than him.

■ He is rather peaceful and doesn’t argue very much unless it’s over a serious topic, otherwise he tries to talk things out peacefully and can be a bit scared or intimidated if you really get angry with him. He will not like you being mad at him for long so he can be quick to apologize and try to make up with you.

■ When he is affectionate with you, he tends to enjoy holding hands the most and hugs you pretty frequently, he has a habit of kissing your forehead or your lips. He likes to cuddle when watching movies or doing laid back activities like stargazing. He also tends to run his finger tips along your forearm or play with your hair when next to you.

■ You can be an unintentional flirt and he can be easily flustered or embarrassed by any flirtation or suggestive talk, he really isn’t much of a flirt but he can occasionally be romantic when he really tries to be usually for special occasions like your anniversary or for Valentine’s Day.

☰ Other Possible Matches

◐ Hatori

Is intelligent, loving and considerate and likes seeing you happy and laughing for no real reason, he adores your cute and funny attitude and is very supportive and encouraging with everything you do. He shows a genuine interest in your hobbies especially your hobbies dealing with art because he will like seeing what you can do, he will also be impressed by your intelligence, just the fact that you speak so many languages will be impressive enough. He can be protective but not possessive but he will like knowing where you are going and when he can expect you home. He is patient with the relationship and lets you set the pace for how quickly things move along, he is also a great listener and likes talking with you whenever he gets the chance.

◐ Levi

Tends to be rather serious but very loyal, caring and protective, he can really worry about your well being and safety, though he’s not really the jealous type and you both can be kind of motherly. He is very intelligent and will be impressed with how intelligent you are as well; he will enjoy being able to have meaningful and deep conversations with you and isn’t shy about praising you for your skills and talents. However, he does not care for PDA and can flat out reject affection in front of others, but will be affectionate with you when the two of you are alone, instigating hugs and cuddles pretty frequently. You both can have a hard time expressing your feelings but the fact that the two of you care about each other is pretty apparent without either of you having to flat out declare it.

[092219archive]

absolutely nobody’s asleep so posting about axel in broad daylight is very bold of me, since i know there’s going to be absolutely nothing but trouble for future me. i’m setting myself up for my own demise. i am the cause of my own destruction.

this was going to go on twitter, but it got a little longer than i expected (well, i always expect posts pertaining to my thoughts to get long), and my thoughts became a jumbled mess.

this may contain spoilers for the following kingdom hearts games: chain of memories, and 2.

i think it’s already known (based off my liveblogging threads) that kh has been playing with my emotions, and utterly ruining me. it’s a sad experience, but a good one that i’ve enjoyed so far.

except that getting "feelings” for axel was not apart of the plan, at all. i joked once or twice about wanting a favorite character from kh but then it actually happened, and now i’m Scared. i seriously thought that marluxia would’ve been The One, and i was positive of it, but watching chain of memories made me realize that i was very Wrong.

when i started watching chain of memories, i saw axel and thought, “oh, that’s the guy everybody likes a lot.” being the curious animal i was i wanted to know why he was so well liked, so i payed extra close attention to him whenever he came on screen. that was also, in retrospect, a very big mistake on my part. like i said, getting emotions was not apart of the plan. for someone that creates a lot of self inserts that are extremely good at making and following a plan, i sure do a very poor job at that.

i was not expecting to enjoy axel’s character and role so much, either. the thing with axel is that, despite lacking a heart, he shows a lot of cases of kindness and... feelings. he’s self-driven, as is most of the organization members, but axel takes it a step above. he’s also confident in his battle abilities, and if you’ve been around this blog long enough, you know that is one of the primary traits that i’m enamored by...

a very obvious case (and i say this because this scene was played twice, once in kh2 and the other in 358/2 days, i believe) was when roxas was leaving the organization in search of himself and his purpose. when responding to roxas’ “no one would miss me,” axel was very upset because he would miss his best friend.

another case is when he was fighting xion to bring her back to the organization, despite knowing that this was probably the best case scenario for everybody. the issue was that he was the one that was sent to defeat another of his best friends. he didn’t want to, and he even called it an “icky job.” the man was distressed, even raising his voice and showing obvious signs of frustration that xion said something like, “please don’t hold back.”

but very subtle cases of axel showing emotions are those times when roxas or xion say things like, “i wish it could always be like this.” he’s never nodding in agreement, and he’s never smiling when they say those things, because he knew that things weren’t going to stay that way forever and that was but a distant dream that the three of them would never be able to grasp. and i’m getting emo thinking about this because he was so heavily affected by xion and roxas leaving the organization, to be their own people. when he was fighting xion, he said, “you both... think you can do whatever you want. well, i’m sick of it. go on, you just keep running. but i’ll always be there to bring you back!”

i think internally, he wanted the same things that roxas and xion wanted. i mean, doesn’t everyone want to be with their friends forever, without a care in the world? without any obligations or duties, just enjoying themselves? and even if he knew that things wouldn’t stay like this forever, he’s been trying so damn hard to keep things okay for the both of them. axel hid the truth about xion from roxas, because roxas would’ve been hurt and wouldn’t have believed axel. he knew that. he let xion go after defeating xigbar, because he knew that was the right thing to do, something he was suffer the consequences for. it was the right path.

seeing axel try so hard to desperately get his friends back, even when he knows that they have their own rightful paths to follow... it kinda hurts to watch. he’s missed out so much in his life, like having a best friend that stuck around. when the organization had their vacation day, axel told roxas that he was going to sleep all day. “i’d nap six times a day if they’d let me,” he says, with a happy expression. he didn’t have to do anything, because he doesn’t need to do anything but also because he has nobody to do things with. when there’s a holiday, the “average person” spends time indoors to enjoy their free time, or they spend time with friends and family.

but then he gets some best friends, roxas and xion, but then they leave. in kh2, he was so excited that roxas remembered his name, only to found out that was all roxas knew of axel: his name. the way axel sighed realizing that, the way he slouched ー you thought, man with the spikiest red hair.

it’s obvious, but there’s so much to his character that i genuinely enjoy seeing in action. he was someone that i enjoyed seeing on screen whenever he popped up, and the weird thing was that i felt an immediate connection to him. that’s weird because i don’t normally acknowledge these feelings so quickly (see: arjuna, ozymandias)... it was like a short, but powerful burst of energy? whenever he was happy, so was i. whenever something bad was happening to him, i was anxious. i think that’s a normal reaction since that’s what the game intended for it to be like, but it was so distressing watching saix’s conversations with axel...

i think part of the reason why i’m so, “axel? no.” is because i have an inferiority complex, which i’m working to get over (the absolute joys of being compared to someone from the day you were born). i think that, for me to consider dub someone as an “official f/o,” i have to establish a meaningful connection. there’s a lot of characters i like, but actually adding those many characters that i like to my masterlist is a very rare occasion. i think it’s due to past experiences that i just don’t add just any character willy-nilly, because i get a surprising amount of fleeting crushes, but hardly “oh god, i’m in kinda deep, aren’t i?”

i do like to explore things to see how it goes, but if it doesn’t last for a long time, i don’t usually go through with it. whoever’s on my masterlist as i type this are pretty special cases of characters i love that i didn’t drop within the few months i fell for them. i think that’s also one of the reasons i take so long to truly announce, “yes, i really do want to have a really deep connection with them.”

i think another thing is that the feelings came really damn fast, which i’m suspicious about. do i like this character as a whole, or do i like some of the traits they have?

BUT ANYWAYS, this became a very long ramble about axel and feelings... i think watching more kh will help me figure out some of the questions i have.  _(:3 」∠)_

[mysteli]

Scarred (Flynn X MC)

Scarred - Flynn O’Malley and Allie Kingston———

A/N: Hey! Okay, real quick, Chapter 2 of my Endless Summer series is coming soon. Had some moving to do so yeah! Stay turned for that. As for the purpose of this, I’ve been wanting to do something with Flynn for a while so I decided to do something about defining their relationship. I love this and I hope you do to! Enjoy, hope you like it! ———————————————————————-

Tags: @princesstopgun @xo-endlessmayhem-xo @endlessly-searching-for-you @skyila @mrswalkerwrites @mechaspirit @angstymarshmallow

After hours of chatting and catching up, Kate finally drifted off to sleep, assuring Ali that she will be okay. In fact, her exact words were...

“Don’t worry, Ali. I’m sure the bed bugs won’t be hiring any kidnappers any time soon.”

That line caused Ali to chuckle a little but at the same time, despite the joke, she couldn’t help but feel worried. What if he did come back for her? What if he took Kate away from everyone again? Away from Ali? Away from Grant? Away from... Flynn.

Just as she was about to get lost in her lost, scattered thoughts, Ali felt Kate’s hand go limb in her own, which confirmed that she was definitely asleep. It frightened Ali to see Kate motionless and dazed but she still seemed peaceful and calm for the first time since they’d found her. Scars still infected Kate’s body, while the bruises climbed up her legs all the way to her pale face. A reckoning had reached her and it was all that murdering psychopath’s fault.

Of course, no matter how much Kate’s state impacted Ali, it would always be Flynn that was affected the most. Ali had spent enough time with Flynn to know that he only knocks down his walls of defence when it came to his sister. She was only thing he had left when it came to family. She was only one who hadn’t shut him out after he got out of prison. Losing her was like losing his world and it was relief they found her or he might have never recovered from the loss.

Biting her lip, Ali finally loosened her grip on Kate’s still hand, before taking a deep breath and exiting the room, leaving a trail of fear in her wake. Once she made it out, she gently shut the door, a sense of relief gradually washing over her. It was like she’d been holding her breath this entire time. Perhaps she’d finally processed it and finally believed her that Kate was actually there. They’d really found her. It was all... real.

Suddenly, her thoughts were interrupted by a shaky voice echoing behind her. “Hey, Kingston.”

Jumping slightly, Ali swerved around to find Flynn staring at her expectantly, a hint of concern lurking in his bloodshot eyes. Scanning his damaged demeanour carefully, her eyes landed on his patched up wounds, the bandage around his shoulder peeking through his black shirt.

“Glad you got your wounds checked out.” Ali thanked him, smiling gratefully, as another heavy sigh of relief escaped her lips. Flynn chuckled weakly in response, his gaze falling to the floor for a moment.

“Yeah, thought that’d be a smart way to kill some time.” Flynn admitted, running his healthy hand through his dusty brown hair that was still messy from the night before. “Oh, and I knew you’d pester me about it anyway.”

“Hey!” Ali growled playfully, smiling for the first time in a while. Then, she remembered Kate’s broken state and the events from the previous night and that caused her once-bright grin to fall into a frown.

Noticing, Flynn eyed Ali’s grim expression warily, sudden worry overflowing in his eyes. “Hey, what’s wrong? Did something happen? Is Kate okay?”

Sheepishly, Ali allowed her gaze to wander to the clean, white tiles of the hospital floor, leaving Flynn with a long, minute of silence.

“Alison Kingston? You’re really starting to freak me out.” He searched Ali’s lost eyes desperately, looking for some kind of answer in her unreadable expression.

“Kate’s fine. She’s sleeping, actually.” Ali finally mumbled, closing her eyes and trying to relax in any way she could but a light tear escaped under the layers of her shut eyes.

“Then why are you crying?” Flynn questioned, taking a step closer towards a saddened Ali. She’d always assured him when he was worried about Kate and now it was his turn to do the same for her.

“It’s nothing. I just...” Ali struggled to speak, her voice dropping to a mere whisper, as she attempted to control her emotions. But somehow, the depression and doubt broke through her sloppy walls of defence. Like a shard of glass... she broke.

As tears emerged from her eyes constantly, her knees weakened and she struggled to keep her balance as the negative emotions took over. An anxious look crossed Flynn and he was unsure how to reassure the shattered soul in front of him.

“I’m sick of this, Flynn. I’m sick of not knowing who the bastard that kidnapped my best friend is!” Ali confessed, her tone seeming like yell but was actually barely a whisper. The area around them was empty and the morning sun glistened through the windows, making the world seem much brighter than what was taking place at that moment.

Just as Ali was about to collapse from her weakened knees, Flynn rushed to catch her, allowing her to fall into his arms. Instinctively, she latched her hands onto his shirt and began to cry onto his shoulder. Her tears were full of more anger and frustration than grief and sadness. Understanding her pain, Flynn wrapped his arms around Ali, while warily burying his face in her strawberry blond hair. All he wanted in that moment was to cry with her but instead, he was determined to stay strong just for her.

After what seemed like forever, Ali lifted her head from Flynn’s chiselled chest, forcing him to glance up as well. Tears began to dry on her cheeks, while fresh ones continued to fall from her eyes. She met his worried eyes, pain still lurking in her own.

“I didn’t mean to... break down like that.” Ali muttered, running out of words to use and things to say. The edge of Flynn’s lips curved up slightly and he nodded understandingly.

“I know. Don’t worry, we’re all worried about Kate. It was only a matter of time before one of us lost it.” Flynn responded, cautiously but reassuringly kissing the tacky waves in Ali’s hair, which she hadn’t brushed since Kate’s return. Once their eyes met again, a weak but genuine semi-smile reached Ali’s lips.

“Thank you, Flynn. I honestly don’t think I would’ve been able to handle any of this if it wasn’t for you.” Ali admitted, blushing slightly but the redness on her face from the tears seemed more obvious and took more of a toll on her pale face.

“Why me? When you’ve got people like Grant and Naomi looking out for you and always willing to protect you?” Flynn enquired, seeming genuinely oblivious to what Ali’s reasoning was. She couldn’t help but release a light-hearted chuckle.

“That’s the point. You’re so much more. You’re the only other person closer to Kate than I am. You understand me more and you understand what Kate’s been through more. And you know the world outside of Birchport, which is all I’ve tried to do since I arrived here.” Ali revealed all of her feelings to Flynn and she felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Trying to form a response, Flynn raised his eyebrows while eyeing her intently, as if attempting to process her words.

“Wow. Damn, I... you make me sound much better than I actually am.” Flynn finally replied, realising how close him and Ali actually were and that she was still wrapped up in his arms.

“Or maybe you just don’t see how great you are.” Ali suggested, dropping her voice to a whisper. Grateful, Flynn grinned lightly. It was not his usual smirk but a genuine, kind smile. This was all Ali had asked for since Kate went missing. Just a moment of escape. Scanning her misguided expression, Flynn smoothed out the rugged state of her hair before accidentally brushing his hand against her pale cheek. Her expression softened in response. Their lips were barely a breath away.

With that, Ali closed the gap between them, allowing their lips to meet softly and gently. Flynn was slightly stunned before he sank into the moment, gripping the Ali’s back and running his hand up and down repeatedly. Instinctively, Ali entwined her hands behind Flynn’s neck, increasing the speed of their kiss. The sun lit up as the moment continued and the tenderness was soon replaced by burning passion. After a never-ending moment of endless romance, both of them reluctantly pulled away, instantly breathless.

They both took a moment to catch their breath before meeting each other’s stunned gaze, completely speechless. A smile crossed Flynn’s lips, as he played the moment over and over again in his head.

“You know, we should probably talk about... whatever this is.” Flynn pointed out, finally releasing Ali from his hold and she nodded understandingly, chuckling lightly.

“I know but right now, we should be worrying about Kate.” Ali stated and Flynn nodded knowingly in response. A curious thought crossed Flynn’s mind and he raised an eyebrow at Ali.

“Yeah. But do you think... Kate would be okay with this? You know, if we ever...” He enquired, folding his arms casually while eyeing Ali expectantly.

“Actually, she was asking about you and me before because she thought that there was... something there.” Ali admitted, smiling at the thought of Kate’s eager approval of their... future.

“Damn, guess we have nothing to worry about then.” Flynn responded, an eager look in his eyes.

“Guess so.” Ali muttered, reaching for Flynn’s healthy hand before leaning into him once more. A meaningful look lingered in his eyes before their lips met for the second time. This time their kisses were more honest and held more purpose than the previous kisses. And this time... they didn’t seem able to pull apart.

Instinctively, Flynn started leaving a trail of kisses along her jawline, causing shivers to run down her spine. Suddenly, footsteps emerged from a nearby room but Flynn and Ali were too attached to one another to notice. The footsteps got closer but they didn’t get louder, the sound of them not reaching the ears of Flynn and Ali. Finally, the voice of the figure forced them apart.

“Oh my god!” The voice exclaimed, causing Flynn and Ali to swerve around and meet eyes with the figure behind them. Instantly, they came face to face with Kate, whose excited grin was wider than it had ever been. “Are you two...”

Surprised but relieved, Ali and Flynn locked eyes once more and they knew the correct answer in their head but wasn’t sure what to say in that moment. But they knew, whatever happened, Kate would always understand.

[jedimordsith]

Comments Are Not The Place For Concrit

I love a lot of the stuff @ao3commentoftheday has been posting about comments /kudos - what they mean, what they don’t, how tentative readers can leave them and authors can encourage them. But one thing keeps really getting under my skin: anonymous authors keep asking for how they can get feedback on “what they can fix” and, generally, concrit under any other name.

I get it. I do. We all want to be better writers and when something isn’t received with rave reviews it’s a knee-jerk response to want to find out why so we can “fix” it. And I hate to be a spoilsport but seriously, guys, unless they’re coming from someone you’ve already cultivated a relationship with online COMMENTS ARE NOT THE PLACE FOR THIS most of the time.

In any arena of life, criticism is meaningful when it flows from one person to another in an established relationship of mutual caring and respect.

This is why people join writer’s groups. Why they get mentors. Why they find betas. To connect with people with people they can get to know and respect and understand and develop solid communication with - so that they have somewhere to get feedback that can account for who they are and what (and WHY) they’re trying to create. Because it’s not a thing you can get in any meaningful way from just anybody who runs across your online path.

Think about this a second:

It is SO hard to say less-than-entirely-positive things in almost any venue online and have them come across in the genuinely interested, encouraging way an individual intends. Even among people who know each other extremely well IRL, it’s incredibly easy for things to come off wrong - especially if either party is tired, already having a bad day, in a hurry, whatever.

Many readers and writers are drawn to online platforms because we DON’T have safe/enjoyable/appropriate outlets for our literary/fandom passions IRL. It’s incredibly important to us to not only provide to others the kind of encouragement and safe spaces we so value for ourselves, but to cultivate an online presence that doesn’t (inadvertently and damagingly) paint us as critics or perfectionists who might end up unwelcome in our precious online communities because we worded something poorly or were misunderstood by someone who felt attacked when we tried to respond to the call for concrit. Trying concrit with someone you don’t know well is risky and a lot less fair to ask for than people tend to realize.

If you’re writing for your own enjoyment (and if you’re not, why are you writing/posting to somewhere like AO3?), there are very fine lines to be walked in terms of what someone can legitimately offer concrit on. Politely noting that a lack of basic editing/formatting sometimes makes it hard to engage with your work just from a visual standpoint is one thing. Critiquing grammar, style, etc. starts to get into sketchy territory because (a) writing is an art and inherently individualistic, (b) you’re sharing it for free, which means I can always just not read it if it isn’t for me, and (c) nobody has communicated (let alone signed up for!) specific standards to which they want/expect to be held... so what am I going to critique you against, and by what logic?

This is not to say that you can never ask for or receive feedback online. It just means that “leave me comments!” and “tell me what you liked/didn’t like!” in the author’s notes sections of AO3/fanfic.net are not the way to go about it.

Consider instead:

Intentionally cultivating online relationships with readers/authors engaging with the same materials you are (or writing the kind of stuff you want to be writing). Follow them on tumblr. Talk to them on tumblr, using their ask feature or PMing if they’ve got those enabled. Leave thoughtful comments on their works on AO3 to start a dialogue. Start building the kinds of online relationships that have enough familiarity/respect to be a solid venue for honest, less guarded opinions. (Yes, it can be a smidge intimidating to start, but people on here because they want to connect!!)

Asking specific, discussion-generating questions based on subject matter rather than your writing skills. (E.g. “I went back and forth a lot writing this chapter because I could totally see x character doing one of two things in this situation: option A or option B. I went with option B because (fill in the blank), but I’m curious what everyone else thinks. Did that feel in character to you? Do you feel like they might have gone the other way, or that a given tweak in the circumstances might have made things swing differently?” This gives readers a chance to talk to you about a character you’re both interested in and the quirks of their character without bashing your writing if they see things differently.)

Join/follow online writer’s communities. There are some GREAT tumblrs, blogs, and other no-pressure places online where you can lurk and/or engage and get a steady stream of wisdom, camaraderie and (really engaging/positive) education on how to be a better writer. Read them. Compare your works and processes to the kinds of structures and standards and checklists they offer and see where you feel like you stand. You’ll be surprised by how much progress you make just by making this stuff part of your regular awareness/thought processes.

Anyway... this was long and I didn’t mean to discourage anyone. We all want to be recognized and encouraged in our art and that’s okay. Just, please - recognize that when you’re not getting the concrit you want, it’s not necessarily about you or your writing at all. It’s about the “where” and the “how” not being a good match for the “what” you’re looking for.

*steps off soap box, folds it up neatly, tucks it under one arm and walks away*