#i am fucking desperate
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diy rollator where I just attach some wheels to the front two legs of one of the wooden kitchen chairs and use the back as a support/handle
#I am fucking desperate#mossy’s musings#dyspunktional#dyspunk#chronic pain#chronic fatigue#pots#fibro#postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome#chronic fatigue syndrome#me/cfs#fibromyalgia#chronic illness
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Yeah so. I am applying to MIT. And they ask for a letter of motivation. And I know for a fact that this stuff better be good. But my brain is deepfried and only comes up with bullshit generic ideas. So if any of you have any original ideas why pursuing a PhD at the Massachusetts Institute of technology in Boston is THE DREAM. I would appreciate it if you send me your ideas.
#this is the first time I asked for help#I asked all my friends and they were all like#wtf happened#this is so ooc?#yes. yes it is#i am fucking desperate#the deadline is in less than a week#do you think I would ask for help if my house wasn't on fucking fire??#anyways#I would be eternally grateful if you had any ideas on the topic
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i take everything back today is a good fucking day
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when no oc asks within the two seconds i asked for them
#i am fucking desperate#i need to answer questions as my little characters or i will violently combust#(in a cute way)#please i am so sosososoSOSOSOSOSO normal about them
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hold shifty gentle like hamburger
#desperately trying to break out of my art block with the guys#anyway happy friday#gravity falls#stanford pines#fiddleford mcgucket#fiddauthor#if u want#i still am disappointed w how the journal handled the shapeshifter. very underwhelming imo#we couldve had a fucked up parental relationship between these guys and their weird homicidal son#or the identity crisis implied by 'am i me? is he me?'#we could've had the thing (1982) but with a much smaller and gayer cast#but instead they just put fiddleford in a box and had him be scared again. lame#artwork of the damned
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a wild jean appears
#disco Elysium#Harry du bois#kim kitsuragi#jean vicquemare#fanart#de#Kim looks so fucking done lmfaooo#I need to stop posting things on weekends but that’s the only time I draw ghfjj#if anyone has any ideas for silly quotes or game moments to draw hit me up btw#cannot promise I’ll do it but I am taking suggestions#this game is the only thing keeping artblock at bay rn#rynArts#desperately want to draw the tribunal at some point but people lying on the ground is my weakness
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silly stuff i drew while reading Feel No Evil by @payasita , in which the Lamb does not know how to propose, Narinder does not know how to be alive, and neither of them knows what an obligate carnivore is
bonus? lmao
#my art#cotl#i am looking into your soul with my huge autistic eyes. read this fic right now. blease#hksfdjghdfghldkfg im sorry it just fucking kills me that for the first 4ish chapters narinder is just. so nasty#like all the followers are like There He Is. The Leader's Favorite Guy. and its this filthy half-dead cat that hasnt bathed in 10+ years#like he has hardly eaten the entire time he's been mortal and he looks like absolute dogshit#and their unbeatable normally serene and gracious leadergod is hovering around his stinky ass like omg nari hiiiiii#its fucking hilarious to me. and also heartwrenching bc this fic does also get into how hard it is to be alive when uve never learned how#gonna draw the twins desperately bringing him soap later i just had so many things i wanted to draw for this
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you ever think about how the horrific thing dorian almost had done to him... is exactly the thing iron bull went to the reeducators to beg them to do to him. yeah. me either. for ten years straight now. what the fuck. wanna be my narrative foil dude. we could fuck about it if you're game and single
#what if I am your mirror image and what I see in you changes with what I see in myself but we're always reflections. messed up honestly#I really want to write out the proper coherent version of this one day b/c it drives me nuts but for now. truly what the fuck dude#dragon age#dragon age inquisition#dorian pavus#iron bull#adoribull#'I wanted them to *fix* me. like they'd fixed them' god. bull.#the horror and desperation of 'you tried to -- *change* me' vs. the horror and desperation of 'I wanted them to *fix* me'#bull's greatest fear is madness. I feel sick.
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help with rent and bills needed urgently
sorry to have to do a post like this again but i am in a really bad financial situation currently. and i need help to make rent and afford my bills and essentials for the next month. june rent is due may 25th but i am trying to not be doing this at the very last minute, to keep myself (an autistic+adhd multiply disabled nonbinary lesbian) and my best friend (a multiply disabled bisexual woman of colour who is currently largely bedbound) from becoming unhoused.
basically, i am unemployed and have recently started a program by the swedish unemployment agency for disabled people, which is supposed to get me a little bit of money. however, if my application even goes through, this month i will only be receiving about 1200kr (~€100), which is not at all enough to even cover my half of the rent, which is about 4500kr (~€390). i also need to cover my bills so phone, electricity and gas as well as essential, so the goal would be to raise around 6000kr (about €520).
any help would be much appreciated, and sharing this post would be as well but DON'T tag other than for accessibility please.
my p4yp@l (please use SEK if possible) is here. if you are swedish and would like to use swish you could contact me directly and i can share my qr-code.
#i am so fucking sorry to do this when there are so many other places to put ur dollars n cents etc but i am like. kind of desperate.#and like i am basically my bestie's full time carer on top of trying to get a job etc etc so it's extremely hard to do anything on the side
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I'm so mad that post was misinformation because there is actually an EXTREMELY important conversation to have about the production schedules artists are forced into. There's no need for exaggeration, the conditions are bad.
I work for webtoon. My publication schedule is weekly. While publishing I'm required 10-15 pages a week. Fully colored.
This means I'm finishing a 150 page fully colored graphic novel every 10-15 weeks.
When my comic is not updating, I am not getting paid. Any time writing, editing, or off is out of my own pocket. I don't get healthcare. They do not provide any assistants. They expect me to promote myself; they chose to deprioritize me before I even launched and gave me an end date half a year in. I never had a chance.
And this is the industry standard! Every company has artists forced into crunch hours, overtime, and burnout. Artists are literally dying early due to it. So many of my friends can't afford to go to the doctor.
It's unsustainable and untenable, and it's also the expectation our audiences have.
If we want to have this conversation, there's plenty of conversation to be had with the realities of the situation. It's bad as is.
#and people get mad at us about 'short updates' lmfao#the companies are absolutely abusing our passion and our desperate situations#but readers genuinely offer little to no grace#if I am going to be able to leave#then the conditions for me to be able to leave need to exist#and they just Dont right now#I'm not making nearly enough to pay my bills without webtoon#I NEED the job#I dont have a car#I cant fucking afford one#I can't drive anyway#I NEED TO WORK#THIS IS MY JOB#I want to leave I'm being mistreated but I CANT!!!#anyways. whatever#I'm so fucking upset that someone just idk spread misinformation#and now the conversation is about like nooo she was under the same shit conditions as everyone else#she's just a really good writer#like okay that's awesome and I'm really glad#but WOULDNT IT BE NICE IF SHE WASNT ALSO OVERWORKED?#AND ALSO IF GOOD WRITERS WERE ABLE TO WRITE WELL WITHOUT HAVING TO BE OUTLIERS???#god it makes me so so so mad!!!!#fucking ruining a really important conversation to have!!!#we're mistreated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we just are!!!!!!!!!!1#I'm not paid enough to build the savings to take risks!#this 6 month break was EVERYTHING#I NEED to start working to pay my bills now#like it's over I ran out of time#its heartbreaking#I hate it here
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I should find another hobby
Anyway, if Merlin was set in modern times, Arthur would have called Merlin his “gay awakening”.
#arthur’s mind in this moment (probably)#‘what the fuck is a stab with a magical sword anyway’#‘let me kiss merlin’#‘let’s smooch’#‘let’s go back to camelot and copulate’#‘why haven’t i done this before i mean WHATEVER I’M JUST DYING SO’#‘let’s make the best of my last few moments AM I RIGHT FELLAS’#‘come on merlin one small peck coME HERE’#and merlin’s thoughts (probably):#‘if you die without kissing me i will sentence you to death’#‘no hesitation’#‘put those pretty lips on minE COME ON ARTHIE’#merlin’s thought as he waits for arthur’s return (probably)#‘i’ll kill him again. what the fuck does thank you even mean’#‘bro be for real we’re just gay’#‘we were supposed to bed each other and you died in my arms instead’#‘pretty dramatic if you ask me’#if you didn’t notice i’m going insane#merthur#bbc merlin#merlin#arthur pendragon#merlin bbc#i’ll probably delete it later because i don’t feel that sure about it but i wanted a laugh#i made this out of desperation for the finale since i finished my rewatch#please send help
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~ a little something about Beast Dazai and his inability to let you go ~
Your hand trembles as you're about to knock on the massive office doors and you wonder if you're about to make the biggest mistake of your life.
You got too close working for this terribly lonely man, and now you're knocking at his door with the only solution you can think of to put an end to your silly infatuations that have gone on for longer than you'd want to admit and can possibly handle. You open the door slowly, and walk into the elegant and massive office space, your eyes falling right onto the dark haired man in all black hunched over the desk, scribbling away as if he didn't hear you come in. You walk quietly, and when you reach the wooden desk, your voice comes out soft and firm.
"Dazai, sir? I wanted to speak to you about something sensitive, if I may."
You chew on the corner of your bottom lip, but quickly compose yourself when you see the face of the man you've spent so much time with, the unfortunate love of your life. if it weren't for his Maroon scarf, he'd look like nothing but a black void. A burnt Black cat. He looks up, narrowed eyes scan you as he takes a sip of his tea, replying in a monotonous tone.
"What is it?"
"After much consideration, I think.. I need to leave the Port Mafia. We've worked together for quite a while now, and I can assure you it's not about the quality or enjoyment of my work. You don't even have to acknowledge this beyond me simply saying it, I just have to confess something that makes my heart ache. You make my heart ache. I know how unprofessional that sounds and that you have no use for such affections, but I can't keep pretending. It's why I think it's time for me to move onto something else otherwise my work will become disrupt-"
A lifted finger is shoved into your face, signaling you to stop, and so you do. Of course you do. You always had a habit of word vomiting when you were anxious. Dazai is staring down at his tea, and he stays quiet for a long time, trying to pick what emotion he can mask his real outraged ones with. Finally, he flashes you an unbothered look, his eyes half lidded as they taunt you. A cruel smirk curls onto his lips.
"Oh? What an awful time for your honesty! I'm currently drowning in work and responsibilities, ones that you're supposed to aid me with, actually. Thus, I have no use for your confession." He simply says.
You can feel a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. You expected this. Looking down at your shoes, you chew on your lip again.
"I had to tell you.. Like I said, you can just forget about it."
"Well you see, that's the problem. I can't forget it. The moment you uttered those nasty little words to me, I realized I have to carry the weight of finding a new secretary. And I resent that."
He looks away for a brief second, his words are bitter and laced with what sounds like remorse and irritation.
You cross your arms and sigh, your voice comes out lower than your confidence.
"I just thought that we were... I suppose I should have never dared to assume you'd ever see me as more than a-"
He instantly leans over his desk, now placing a finger on your lip, his voice just above a whisper.
"... And though these feelings you have for me may be inconvenient, it doesn't mean that they're unwelcome."
He lets his finger rest on your lips for just a second too long, meanwhile you're frozen in place feeling like your chest is going to collapse in on itself. His voice becomes softer.
"Sit, please."
You sit down, now facing each other. It's quiet for a few moments as you both study each other's expressions. This form of intimacy was unusual to everyone else but the two of you, having spent countless hours in the past working across one another without uttering a single word, yet communicating in perfect sync. You were a part of each other's routines, a never ending spiral. Dazai feels himself teetering on the edge of something dangerous, something peeling away at his very soul. He's usually so arrogant and domineering, but in this instant, he suddenly feels an exhaustion wash over him trying to keep that going. He's kept it going for so long, he forgot that he doesn't like doing it with you. You don't deserve to be a part of all of this, and he doesn't deserve to want you.
Oh how he loathes his true identity: A simple man. A human man. Your man.
When he can't take it anymore, he slowly creeps his bandaged hand on top of yours, applying light pressure, but his eyes don't dare look into yours. Not yet. Finally, you break the silence, staring down with furrowed brows at the way your hands fit around one another. You mutter under your breath, tired of being vague.
"What are we to each other, Dazai? I mean really?"
"Do I really need to spell it out for you?" He snorts, trying to cling to the last of his cruelty but failing as he lets his emotions sway his judgement.
You sigh, flipping your hand over so that your fingers can fully intertwine.
"I just don't know how I could ever take up any space in your mind. I didn't think you noticed whether I stayed or left."
He looks up, flashing you a mildly offended look, his sharp eyes narrowing. He scoffs quietly, dropping your hand and standing up from his desk. He walks over to you, his full height now looming. He bends down and scolds you.
"What an obscene thing to say. You're invaluable. You have always been occupying my mind, every minute, every second, every microsecond. I always notice. I'd notice even if I was on my deathbed."
Your breath catches in your throat, and you finally manage to swallow the lump that's building up as you stare up at your reckoning.
"I just- I'd never try to leash you, sir."
His eyes soften, and he tilts his head slightly. You drive him mad with the way you don't realize what a dog he is for you. His voice comes out strained.
"You wouldn't need to. And don't call me that. You know my name, and as your superior l'm ordering you to address me properly."
Your cheeks flush, and you part your lips, letting out the breath you can't stop holding. A faint smile appears on your face, and you stand up slowly to meet him.
"You're like the moon, you know? You control everything like the tides. You control me, Osamu."
He shakes his head, and sighs deeply. If only you could see how wrong you were. He steps closer, moving his hand up your arm gently as he trails his way to your collarbone with ghost-like strokes.
"Did you know that sometimes when I'm laying in bed, all alone after a long day of controlling things, my only thoughts are about you?"
He confesses, sincerely. Dazai brings his face inches from yours, his voice now becoming a pleading whisper. His hand travels down to your waist, gripping it gently.
"Do you find it hard to believe that you bring me to my knees, the big scary Port Mafia boss? Because if so, you're a great fool! I love spending my time with you. I quite literally need you by my side in my times of need and at any random and mundane moment that passes. It brings me unimaginable joy when you nag me to get more sleep, especially when I don't listen because I can't wait to hear you say it over and over again. I don't like it when you have plans, or when you report to anyone else but me. I want you to stay with me tonight and every single night after and I don't care how awful this sounds. I don't care about you having a life outside of me."
Your throat feels tight, eyes wide at the fervor of his words alone. You reply with a shaky breath.
"Every single night after?"
"Every. Single. Night. After..."
"As if we were together?"
"We are together." He declares as if it were obvious this entire time.
Hearing Dazai be so blunt makes your mind fog over quickly, a whiplash of feelings that you never thought would ever see the light of day suddenly surface. He feels the same, realizing how much he's given away to you in such a short amount of time, but for him it's been rotting inside for years. He's been held together by the glue of your support too long not to kneel for you now. It's over for him, he's run out of masks to wear. He slowly guides your body backwards towards the opulent leather couch at the center of the room. You stop when you feel yourself backing up into the cool pebbled hide, and he slowly lowers you down onto your back with his arms supporting you. He delicately hovers over you, looking deeply into your eyes as he takes in the way your bodies feel against each other. For a moment he worries he might actually be trembling.
His breath hitches when you place a hand on the bandaged side of his face that covers his left eye. You stroke the fabric lightly, eyes twinkling with unfiltered adoration. He thinks about the only other person who's ever looked at him with such reverence, and how painful it is not to be able to tell his best friend he's in love. He leans into your touch, humming softly and closing his eyes as he molds his lips deeply into yours. It's not a kiss of sexual desire. This is a kiss born of romance and intimacy, a mutual oath of surrender. cold bandaged hands instinctively wander your body, starting at the waist down to your hips, and slowly exploring the plush of your thighs, kneading them. He runs them higher, lightly tracing your ribs with his index finger while the other hand cups your face. Dazai's mouth moves gently, and slowly pulls away from yours with a soft whine. His fingers trace your jawline as he stares at you. You taste like milk and honey. Like the moon and rain. He smiles at you, eyes sparkling like the night sky. You feel his heartbeat against your body. Every single pore of your skin is connected.
"Please— don't leave the Port Mafia, and don't leave me alone... Not tonight. Not ever. I'd become a tyrant without you."
"Is that also an order?" You murmur in between shallow breaths, dreamy eyes trained on him.
His eyes flicker over to your lips for a moment, then return to your eyes. His voice drops to something that resembles a soft whimper.
"Noo. No, it's not. I could never demand anything from you. But if you'll allow me to act selfishly, I just want to make you happy, to see you smile. I want you to keep greeting me with that tea you make every morning before our meetings. I also never want to hear you call me 'Sir' again. I am not your boss or your friend... I'm so much more than that. We've always been together. We will always be together— Is this too much?"
You shake your head, smiling uncontrollably at the way Dazai rambles in this moment, it's a side of him you've never seen in all the years you've known him. A stark contrast from the detached and cruel presence that frightens others on an almost daily basis. This seems like a person pretending to be the boss of the Port Mafia, an almost perfect imitation. You're not sure what barriers within him had to break for him to become the mushy and needy mess you see before you and what it all means in the long run, but you dismiss it for now. You get the feeling this might be the real Osamu Dazai. And that excites you.
"Never too much. I'm here and I'm staying. I would always stay."
He chuckles, it's a broken shaky laugh bordering on a sob. He buries himself in your neck, smiling against your soft skin, nibbling on it. He lightly runs his tongue against the mark he leaves, and slowly lifts his gaze to meet yours
"... I know you would. You always do."
You tilt your head, and hum in mild confusion at his odd little comment.
"Do you know something I don't?"
He flashes you a knowing smile and speaks prophetically as he lightly traces a finger over a large vein on your neck, following it down to your soft chest. He murmurs lazily while bringing his lips down to where he won't be able to get them off for the rest of the night.
"I know everything, silly.~"
The Port Mafia can wait, he's going home first.
#i know this is over 2k words i HAVE A STORY TO TELLLL IM SORRRYYYY#i need to go into visceral detail abt needy desperate beastzai OKAY. HES DISGUSTING FOR U#THAT REQUIRES MUCH PATIENCE ANF WORDING#beastzai is a mix of all my fav dazais obsessive rlly sad and rlly fucking into you#i'm actually am so sorry i hope u guys like this#when that anon gassed me up so much abt beastzai i said let me make u regret that#i love u anon........... i need a nap and a beastzai body pillow#also i canonically confirm u did in fact freak it all night after the end#hinting at beastzai and reader being in love in every universe didndjejd ....God#lets let beastzai have fun and kiss a little bit okay#in a way this could be a spiritual successor to my first beast dazai drabble................#bungou stray dogs#dazai x you#osamu dazai x reader#bsd x reader#bsd dazai#dazai imagines#dazai x reader#bungo stray dogs#osamu dazai#dazai osamu#beast dazai#beastzai#bsd beast#beast dazai x reader#gn reader#fanfic#beast!dazai#bungo stray dogs beast
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Snoopy #11
12/10/2024
#peanuts#snoopy#art#11#*coughs this up and dies*#the desperate all scrawl really says it all i'm afraid#me @ myself: well girl now you're just projecting. he would not fucking say that... snoopy's got all the free time in the world!#well actually. maybe he would say that tbh.#this is hashtag cloudcore actually. i've decided.#(i won't actually tag it as cloudcore hahaaha i am many things but i am NOT a tumblr tag spammer!)
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hguyughhghghhhhhhhhggggghhhhhghhhhuhhehghdhehgghhghdhdhhhgtydhghdhghhhhhuughghygghjy
bonus:
ik pc was wearing legwarmers in the other drawings just ignore it i got lazy
#i finally have a free day to draw but i need to finish making a bunch of conceptual maps for tomorrow and gghg7ghywh i am so fucking done#i want to be motivated like this BADLY#my unwavering fear of failing is the only thing thats driving me to get shit done and i desperately want something other than that#btw i didnt draw the first pic with a bg in mind so it looks kinda shit lmao#also i wanted m!corrupted!syd to have black and strawberry blonde hair but he kinda ended up looking like redacted from 14dwy and im crying#degrees of lewdity#dol#sydney the fallen#sydney the faithful#my art#[ ❀ ]
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I am just so fundamentally uninterested in the story where Jason is in the wrong and needs to Gain Perspective or whatever. God what a snore. What an absolute waste of my time.
#sigh obligatory disclaimer: I am not pro death penalty#I am pro authority figures actually enforcing safety rather than prioritizing the comfort of abusers and the status quo#the difference between Jason and the likes of Punisher or Huntress is that he positions himself as another criminal#he is aware of what heroes are symbolically and he doesn’t want to mess that up#so when he kills you the message he sends is not that it happened because you deserved it#but that it happened because you broke the rules#and obviously this is problematic#but also this man lives in a world only superficially more civilized than a frontier zone#or idk maybe it’s just Gotham which is so fucked up#Jason cooled off as soon as he exited the city so eh#anyways desperate people will do desperate thing and moralizing at them makes you a smarmy fuck#jason todd
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. . . WILDFLOWER !
a/n: just a little drabble about satoru and a chubby coded!reader <3
“Satoru, what are you doing?”
“‘m just admiring you.”
From your sprawled out position on the couch, you lifted your head up and glanced away from your phone to look at Satoru. He had nestled his way between your legs, toned arms going to wrap around your middle while his head laid on the plush of your stomach. From what you had gathered, he looked content. A smile tugged at the corner of his lips, and his eyes closed, allowing the white of his lashes to dance across his cheeks.
A sudden bout of anxiety flooded throughout your mind, rendering your muscles tense and nails digging into your palms.
You weren’t blind. While Satoru was the ever attentive boyfriend, there were only so many times you could resist the dread that wracked your skeptical mind. You were aware of what other people said, sometimes when out of audible range and sometimes not. The beauty standards were unfair and scarcely regarded your body type as something to be viewed as beautiful.
“You’re thinking again,” came a huffed out voice, dragging you away from the depths of your mind, “you’re tense. What’s wrong?”
Forcing your muscles to relax, your head dropped back down, cushioned by the pillowy fabric beneath.
“Nothing.”
Satoru groaned, long and definitely played up for a dramatic flair, ever so in character. “You know I can tell when you lie, right? It’s my super power. I’m like Daredevil.”
Scoffing, you rolled your eyes. “When were you gonna tell me you have superhuman hearing?”
Satoru caged you between his arms, leaning over you with a smirk. “What do you think the glasses are for, sweetheart?”
His head dipped down, nose briefly brushing against your own before his lips captured yours into a gentle kiss. It conveyed every emotion he felt about you — happiness, safety, and an overwhelming amount of love.
The kiss could have lasted hours, for all you knew. By the time the two of you had separated, Satoru’s lips were a little pinker and swollen, pretty eyes garnering nothing but a profound adoration and fondness.
“I think you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met in my life.”
Although the words were whispered, they rang about in your head, reverberating into your very core. The stunned look must have given you away, as Satoru was quick to cover your face with kisses and continue whispering compliment after compliment until your eyes glazed over with tears and lower lip began to tremble.
“I love you more than you’ll ever know. Don’t forget that, okay?”
#this didn’t rlly go the way i wanted it to#but fuck it we ball#i need to get back into the swing of writing so pls bare with me. i am trying 😪#anywho#!!#if anhone wants to send in requests#please do so!!#i am desperate for some ideas or thirsts or whatever#also might make this into an au#bc fuck that anon. satoru is def into chubby partners#. . . chubby chaser au 🌸#. . . jjk 💭#. . . gojo 💭#. . . my fics 💌#jjk x reader#gojo x reader#gojo satoru x reader#satoru x reader#jjk fluff
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