#i am enraged that no one is talking about this. dont fucking touch me.

[theindo]

Long and deep inhale. I am deciding to go on a long rant/ramble/vent/whatever. Its all over the place. I dont know.

IM. I???? ?? I just??? So. Me and my dad had a conversation yes. God, I barely even have the energy to type this out. Anyways. another long conversation about how i should go out and do things. About how i say im gonna do stuff and then dont. Whatever. ""i dont know what to do" is the same thing youve said your whole life". Ok . Yeah . I guess so . And what do i do???? I?? Dont know????? I dont know where change begins. Do i want to change? I'll have to, eventually. I fantasize about having friends, and then i find every single way to get annoyed at any one who wants to talk to me in person. I have like, 0.5 people i enjoy talking to in real life. And like. 2 people i enjoy talking to online. Though i talk to way more. Why am i so selfish? Im not lonely anymore. I should be happy. But instead im just angry. Angry at everyone. Yes, i should go outside and i do want to, but how am i supposed to when being looked at enrages me or fills me with fear or dread. How do i do anything when im so damn scared and so damn tired. I dont wanna go to therapy. I dont think they'll help. I dont know if i want help. I want to be told what to do. I want specific and exact orders from someone i like or something. I dont. Think i want to BE. I dont wanna make decisions or make mistakes or get up or anything. I know thats what life is about. But maybe i dont want a life. I didnt ask to be here. But i cant just kill myself. Thats bad. And people will miss me. But nobody in person.. theyre all in the internet, and that makes me sad. Why cant i form bonds in person the way i do online? Im confused. I hate being looked at and i hate being percieved and i hate being noticed and i HATE being touched and i hate not being able to leave and i just. My internet friends say im full of love, but this is a lie. Im filled with fear and hatred and greed and envy. I hate BEING. when i was small, i would daydream about death. What was it like to die? I asked my mother when i was still allowed to be with her (i miss her), what the least painful way to die would be. I was around 6 or so. Maybe i was born this way. Maybe its all in my head. I dont care. I wanna disappear. I hate responsibilities, but i hate being useless. I cant even say what im thinking in these posts sometimes because i KNOW my thoughts are completely backwards. I SHOULDNT think this way. God, why am i so trapped in my own head? I want to do shit, i promise i do, but its like. Theres never the perfect conditions. Im waiting and im waiting and ive forgotten what im waiting for. "What makes you happy?" "What do you like to do?" You know what I like to do? I like to daydream about my hyperfixations and see things about them. Thats it. Thats the only thing i like to do. Its why i draw and its why i live. Im thinking there should be more, but what more is there? This is all i want to do!! Im fine about fishing and drawing and reading i guess. But like. I get distracted easily. I long for what truly makes me happy, but what truly makes me happy is such a temporary bliss that i know will fade and i know is stupid and i know is a waste of time. Nobody fucking cares about the thousands of scenarios i have stuck in my head about the same character each time. Maybe i need to grow up. Im being lazy, immature. I have all these responsibilities, missed texts and school work, and the mere thought of it exausts me. Nothing is enjoyable!!! I wanna sleep forever.

Saw tjis video. Thought it was relatable. Whayever. My head hurts. As always. I feel myself slipping sometimes. I think to myself "ill be fine tomorrow", but that tomorrow never comes. Its the same thing. Yelling at myself in my head. Stuck. I dont want this. I dont want help either. I dont want help because i never wanted to be fucked over in the first place. Cant we pretend its all normal? Cant we dream for a while longer. Why must i get up. I annoy everyone else to im sure, just as i annoy myself and just as everyone else annoys me. I fear death but i rot in my own living body. Im basically dead. Why did i have to be here. I want to exist in my memories and in my dreams. Why can't my mother hold me again. Its all unfair. I have so many questions, but every answer just brings more. Im tired. The purpose of life is to learn and discover and experience. But im tired of learning. Im tired of this complex game. Theres too much. Too much all the time. It hurts. My throat hurts. My stomach hurts. My head hurts. My feet hurt. My eyes hurt. Fuck man everything hurts me and theres nothing i can do about it. I dont like this. I want to sleep. Whatever.

Its been years. Its been a long 6 years. Its been a long 14 years.

I asked my dad, since he didnt like my halloween costume idea, what HE thinks I WANT to be. He said "normal?". I had to clarify i meant for halloween. Why CANT i be normal. Why must i be weird and different. Not even on a societal level. Other people are different from me because IM different. Other people being different from me makes me not like them. I cant blame others for feeling the same way about me. I miss being friendly to everyone and grateful for every interaction and not being so filled with hate and anger. What do i do. I have to do something. I dont wanna get sent to a ward or something.

[junebugzzz]

i haven’t seen anyone talking about this and i’m genuinely genuinely horrified that i didn’t find this out until a couple hours ago so. tws for death and covid related trauma during the UP panchayat polls under the cut. long post. sb this please.

At least 700 state government school employees on panchayat poll duty succumbed to Covid in Uttar Pradesh this month. The state government has denied the allegations and said it has no proof that the teachers died during poll duty. The Allahabad high court also criticized the administration and SEC over violation of Covid protocol during the polls. 

The union chief said a maximum of 33 teachers died in Azamgarh district, 31 in Gorakhpur, 25 in Prayagraj and 20 each in Lucknow and Lakhimpur Kheri districts. “Many of these lives could have been saved had the SEC taken note of our April 12 letter in which I pointed out that Covid protocol was not being followed during training,” he said. The government denied these allegations.  

State minister of state (independent charge) for basic education, Satish Chandra Dwivedi, said it was wrong to say that the teachers on poll duty died of Covid, because “how do we know that teachers were not infected when they came for election duty? And how do we know that teachers did not get infected after returning from election duty?” (Source: The Hindustan Times)

ScoopWhoop Unscripted documented and posted a video (x) of their journalist Prabhat Kumar interviewing several families about the death of their loved ones (closed captions in English are available). 

Some of these families even claimed that after some teachers got tested positive and were hospitalized, they still got called, to demand to put them back on duty. The callers were informed of the situation, and a few even got calls even after the employees were pronounced dead. In it, (at time stamp 6:00) he also manages to call the District Magistrate of Barabanki to question if this kind of information about the mismanagement of the situation was known, and if it was, what steps were taken to tackle it. 

The DM simply denied having had any information regarding the subject, and claimed that the safety protocols were all practiced and maintained. He disconnected the call before Prabhat got to ask more than two questions.

Some screenshots of Garima, the wife of Ajay Kumar Tiwari - one of the teachers that passed, from one of the multiple families interviewed in the video:

Her sister in law, Uma Tiwari chimes in later:

A couple more links:

FactChecker -  Timeline: How UP Panchayat Polls Resulted in Deaths of Teachers

The Hindu -  “He died because of the election,” said Mr. Ram Krishna, a graduation student in Allahabad University, son of Pankaj Pandey, one of the deceased. “The election should not have taken place now. It could have been delayed or held along with the Bihar polls last year.”

The government needs to be held accountable. Try to spread this like wildfire, though i thoroughly nderstand if you don’t want to. Only through exposure can we fucking tell them their actions are seen and they are being judged. Only through exposure can we force them to own up.

[nsfwjjk]

take it, knj

you humiliated your boyfriend in front of his friends and told him your ex can fuck you better— when the truth was you boyfriend always fucked you good and hard.

⇥ pairing :  dom!namjoon x sub!reader

⇥ genre : smut, a lil bit of angst

⇥ word count : 2.1 k

⇥ warnings : bdsm, sex toys, restraint, overstimulation, oral (f.received), fingering, penetrate, unprotected sex, rough sex, kinky, spanking, punishment, pet names (slut etc)

⇥ safeword guide :

green - go for it

yellow - slow down

red - stop

➫ masterlist || © hardggukk 2020. Do not repost or modify

It was your fault. Indeed. You should not have told it to anyone and most importantly to your boyfriend’s friend. Kim Taehyung. Well, it was not hundreds percent his fault but if he didn't mention about you encountered with your ex during the dinner, you will never be in this position. You knew Taehyung didn't deliberately state about your ex in front of your boyfriend, Kim Namjoon considerate that you already told Namjoon about it but when he saw how you went surprised and Namjoon started to ask about what he talked left him baffled. Taehyung knew how Namjoon acted about you, how he detested when any guy eyed you, always so overprotective and possessive for what was him, and you was him. His everything.

You yelled at the sound of Namjoon kicked the door of his bedroom behind both of you, his hands still wrapped tight around your throat. You squeezed your eyes shut, your face strained and pale. You was not ready with whatever punishment he had inside his mind for you. You fucked up. So badly. You knew how much trouble you brought but you can’t help your thighs clenched and excited. After all, you loved to be treated like that. You could not fail to be stimulated with it. You kept your palm on his forearm, tried to loosen up his tight grip against your throat but to no avail, he choked you harder.

You deserved it. You knew no one even your ex can fuck you good like Kim Namjoon, himself but you dared. You dared him by saying ”Why you so jealous!? You afraid he could fuck me better than you!?”— most stupid things ever to say. Plus, to say it in front of your boyfriend’s friend madded him. It hurt his ego. You couldn't contain your anger when he started to think you acted sus when you exactly not, you didn't know why after three years with him he still not believe in you. You will never go to another guy except him. You knew how much your boyfriend drove you crazy and it will forever him.

You yelped when Namjoon pushed you on his bed, harsh. Your face met with the soft mattress at first along with your body, you got up immediately faced him as you crawled back. Your eyes followed every his movement as he strode towards his wardrobe, his hand reached the cabinet you wished he didn't, the drawer he kept his toy. He pulled the bottom drawer too hard until it was unattached from the furniture, he placed it on the floor harshly as it landed on the floor with a thump. Your heart thumped with fright, you never witness your boyfriend in a state like that.

”Namjoon!!” you shouted to bring his attention on you but when he turned his eyes on you, you could feel shivers ran down your spine as you sucked in deep breath. He was extremely enraged with you, his looks made you stopped in your tracks, the looks screamed ’you are going to take the punishment, there is no where out’.

”Don’t fucking open your mouth now.” He gritted his teeth, he paused for a second and whirled his feet towards you. You gulped your saliva to see him, you dazed as you stared at him walked at you. ”I don't want to hear any words coming out from your pretty fucking lips.” He warned.

His warned made your blood run cold, you couldn't predict what he will do to you but what you knew it will be hard. You blinked nervously when Namjoon reached the king-sized bed, he put his knee on the bed before yanked you by your ankle close to him. You shrieked but quick enough to shut up when his breath touched your face. You wanted to kiss him right away to calm him down but you freeze on the spot. It was like you didn't know who was the guy in front of you. ”You think your motherfucking ex fucked you better than me huh?” He said with an amused tone, his lips curved up to a wide smirk while his tongue pushed against his cheeks.

”N—No, it was a mistake, joonie. I d—don’t mean it like that,” You whispered up to him, even called him with favorite nickname but it seemed it was not even helped that time when you tried to reach his cheek but he slapped your hands away before grabbed your chin.

”All I ask from you is some loyalty and speak about whatever you think can bring you into this position, tsk but seeing who bratty you are even when I gave you punishment after punishment, you still choose this option. Am I too easy on you? Is that it?”

He brought his hands around your throat and choked it like a piece of the necklace he didn't want to take off from you. You breathed deeply as you looked up at him before your eyes followed his other hand went under your skirt, you gasped when he pushed his fingers inside of your entrance over your silk panties. You reached over his wrist but his glare enough to make you pulled back your hand instead gripped the mattress however you still wanted to try your luck as you attempted to scoot away from him but he slapped your thighs hard, you yelped and looked down on your thighs which get redden, Namjoon’s handprint even plastered on your skin.

”Don’t move. I warned you. You will sit here like a good slut you are and I will use your body like how I wanted. I will show you there is nobody who can fuck you as I do,” Namjoon said the words slow with his deep voice as his fingers pushed his fingers inside of you through your silk panties. You let out a moan at the weird feeling he gave you, you could feel your wetness gushed out from you began to seep through the silk fabric. Namjoon chuckled in mockery when he pulled out his fingers and rubbed his index fingers with his thumb to feel your wetness. ”You love it, dont you? When I treated you like this. Did he make you feel like this huh, pretty slut?”

Your moans got louder than before when he tapped your clit, you gasped at how incredible and amazing the man in front of you. He even can find your clit without even need to look and bother to open your panties. You froze at your spot as he left you like that went back to the broken drawer, you shook your eyes when you saw what things Namjoon reached to use on you. ”Yes, you are going to wear this.”

You were out of words, your boyfriend never had used it on you and never you experienced to be used with it even how bad and bratty your attitude sometimes; well a lot of times but Namjoon never once used it on you, you scampered back but Namjoon was faster enough to catch you by your ankle and immediately cuffed both your ankle with the spreader bar.

You wriggled your legs struggled to escape but you were shocked when it went even wider. ”Oh, you didn't know how this works since I have never used it on you but it's okay today you will found out.” You didn't like the mockery tone in Namjoon’s voice. You stared back at him as he walked around the bed towards your left and before you could even blink, Namjoon had pushed the button, button to get out the chains from his head bed. ”Urgh-Namjoon!!” You yanked your wrist from the cuffs attached to the chains but your legs got pulled as well made the spreader bar widened.

Your position on his bed like an alphabet x, your legs and arms prohibited her to move any muscle of your body. Your eyes helplessly followed Namjoon who smirked at you as he gazed at every inch of your body. His gaze enough made you felt like you were naked but you were still in your clothes. You were about to open your lips but Namjoon next action appalled you when he gripped the spreader bar and twisted your body before he pushed it to the front made your ass raised by him, the way he wanted.

You screamed when Namjoon gave a harsh slap to your ass as the sound of it echoed through his master bedroom. ”I’m so sick about your attitude.” That was what he said before he pulled your panties, left them above your knees as you felt his clothed bulge aligned against your ass. You shuddered when Namjoon gave a sharp slap against your folds, coated your wetness with his fingers. You sure Namjoon’s friends outside heard how harsh and loud his slap. ”You made me treated you like this slut.” He groaned before giving another slap.

You whimpered against the sheet as you fisted them, before you could process anything Namjoon had your eyes rolled back when he without any notice had pulled on the band of his sweat before plunged inside of your entrance. Moans slipped out your lips when he started to thrust, didn't even bother to let you used for his massive size like always instead he fucked so hard, rough, fast. Namjoon’s hip met your ass brutally, he gripped the side of your booty as he groaned. ”Tell me how he fucked you.” He demanded, his voice full of anger and jealousy. Your voice stuck in your throat by how vigorously your boyfriend's hip smacked against you.

You didn't realize when Namjoon let go of your cuff out frrom the chains when he gave another harsh smack on your butt, gripped your hair as it pulled you up. ”Tell me how he fucked you.” This time his hoarse voice lowered but enough to see how furious he was with you not reply to him. He yanked your hair, rest it on his shoulder as he whispered into your ears. Your back arched, allowed him to went deeper inside of you. You shook your head, refused to answer back to him but it infuriated Namjoon. He disliked when you didn't answer him, that was the reason you got treated like that by him. Just because you didn't answer a simple question and started to act suspicious by trying to mix up the real topic with him being possessive of you. He wouldn't if you told everything to him.

”Namjoon—” You barely can speak as your body struggled to take each intense thrust from him. He slapped your butt again, even harder than before. You screamed so loud by that. His rough action made your body shivered and it scared you. Your body fell forward as you cant hold your weight anymore, you knew he had strong stamina more than any ordinary man had, his cock plunged inside of you with the same rhythm, it never slowed down. ”Namjoon-” you called out his name again, begged for his mercy.

A high, squeaky moan left your throat. ”Tell me. Tell me all the ways he made you cum, slut. Tell me.” Namjoon urged, your body trembled as you gripped the sheets harder. His thrust so wild, the room filled with his skin slapped against yours and the bed frame hit the wall until you can see the mark it left against it. ”Tell me,” Another slap on your ass. ”Did he know you liked to be yelled at? Did he know you liked it rough and how you liked it to be in pain?” His voice had become increasingly strident, you flinched a slap from Namjoon made touch to your ass. You screamed as you tried to reach your ass to cover it but Namjoon reached your wrist and lock both of them behind your back. ”Did he know how to fuck you right? Did you know how to make your pretty pussy squirted?” His voice was raspy as he asked you that, you were more than turned on. His cock slide in out of you so easily because of your wet ass pussy, he pushed your lower back made your cunt went higher, changed his angle as he propped up his right legs and hit the spot that drove you crazy.

As soon as he changed his position, you felt your core began to clench around his massive cock made you rolled your eyes as your jaw dropped. ”Yeah, that spot right there. I’m the only one who knows that spot, Im the only want can make you do that when I want to...” Namjoon started to speed up and went even harder, your body rocked forward and back as your ass bounced with each rammed into you. ”...I’m the only one who knows how it feels when your pussy tightens like how it is now, how your ass clenched together and I know that means that beautiful pussy is going to make a mess for daddy.”

He was right. Whatever he said was right. No one was better than him. You were foolish to say your ex can fuck you better when you know he couldn't even last for one minute. You were so mad at Namjoon for accused you fucked your ex that night you guys chilled at the bar, you just said everything came to your mind and a part of you wanted to test him. You let out a loud moan as he shoved his cock again and again at your sweet spot. Your toes squirmed together as you panted, let Namjoon took over your body. He pulled out of you and ran his cock up and down your slit before you squirted. ”Yeah slut just like that,”

You were still in above ecstasy, the feelings of pleasure overtook every bone in your body even so before you could think Namjoon firmly placed his fingers into of you, your tightened your pussy didn't want his fingers to be shoved inside of you but not that he minded when he forced his two fingers went inside. Your squirted ran down your thighs as Namjoon moaned, enjoyed the sight in front of him. ”That’s what I fucking thought, look at these pretty mess. Did he ever make you did that, baby girl? hmm?” Namjoon moved his third fingers inside of you along with his other two fingers caused you to screech with discomfort.

”Fuck! Namjoon! Okay.” You yelled out, you couldn't handle the overstimulation after yoh had squirted out. You felt your eyes threatened to cry as you sensed the sharp sting of tears inside your orbs. ”Answer me.” Namjoom commanded. His raspy voice sent shivered down to your body. ”No! He didn't!” You screamed and gasped at how Namjoon kept his motions fast, didn't gave you any sort of break at all.

”Tell me how many times do you think I can make you cum in one night?” His fingers took the toll on your brains, continued to move in and out of you. ”How many times until you can't take it anymore?” His voice was rough with barely suppressed fury. He propelled his hip harder, you felt light-headed with the tremendous amount of pleasure and stimulation given to you. You felt wobbly on your legs, your body was almost worn out that your knees can't support your ass up however Namjoon noticed it and circled his arms around your hips pull your body up, his thrust had never wavered. Your eyes rolled back as your mouth agape and you reluctantly took every of his hard thrust.

”Fuck. I don't know.” You mumbled shakily, your face pressed against the mattress. Your replied aggravated Namjoon, he reached your clit and made a rigid circles on it. ”Fucking take it like a good slut.” His voice became a husky, erotic whisper. You had become fatigued after two times orgasms and you even had squirted but Namjoon not even once showed sign he will stop soon. Namjoon let out a final angry moan as he pulled out of you, left your hole empty. You shrieked when Namjoon turned your front body faced the ceiling with the spreader.

”Namjoon, please I’m sorry.” You apologized as your teary eyes met him when he flipped you over, but his eyes so cold and dark. He was not showing any emotions as he got up from the back, You looked up at Namjoon bare body as it glistened because of his sweat under his warm white lamp. You were also drenched with sweat, your hair stucked everywhere on your face.

”I don’t fucking care.” A deep growly voice of him replied to you. He leaned down on you as he moved the strings of your hair out from your face, your eyes wandered on his expressionless face to beg some mercy but he didn't even look at you. He then walked towards the damaged drawer, your eyes widened when he pulled out a vibrator from it. He walked back towards you and attached the cuff on both of your wrists against the chain again. ”Did he ever make you cum with his tongue, baby? Slip his tongue inside of the slutty hole until you quivered?”

You moaned louder when he placed the vibrator directly on your clit. Your body reflected the sudden sensations as you moved backward on the bed. Namjoon cocked his head to the side in disappointment as he pulled your legs with the spreader bar kept you under his control and set the vibrator at the highest peak of level, you cried out at it and wanted to keep your legs shut from him. ”Stop struggling.” Namjoon warned you before he attached his lips down on your hole. You tightened as the combination of the vibrator and his tongue made you shuddered. Your nerve was on the edge already from your previous orgasm, it won't take you a long to reach the climax again.

Namjoon’s tongue opened you up for him, allowed him more access inside of you as his saliva mixed up with your slick. He pulled away momentarily, took a look at you, somehow enjoyed to see you struggled. Your head was thrown back against the mattress, your back arched as you bit your lips harshly enough to cut them with your teeth. He kept the vibrator in place abruptly, positioned the vibrator on your small bundle of nerves that held so much pleasure to you. You could already tell you were way oversensitive as Namjoon watched you intently, knew that it wouldn't be that long until you come undone.

”Look at you slut-you don't even dare to talk like that to me now,” Namjoon chuckled, arched his eyebrows before bringing his lips to your core again as he moved his tongue in and out of you, slow and deliberate. ”I won’t! I promise!” You screamed, battled with such intense pleasure you underwent. You fisted your palm together, your body spasmed violently and your pussy clenched jointly as you splurted your cum. Namjoon smiled against your core, still kept the vibrator at your clit and his tongue still worked on your hole. ”How many times is that? You are going to count it for me.” Namjoon ordered.

”three! three-oh my god!” You choked out your saliva, Namjoon took the vibrator away as he stood up. A rush of relief filled you but only for a second before he pushed two fingers inside of you and started to move. You inhaled a sharp breath, you can't take it anymore, your pussy started to sting after all the pleasure. ”Namjoon! Stop please!” You yelled out again as your hole squirmed against his fingers.

”I won't stop until this pretty pussy stops reacting.” Namjoon exclaimed with his deep voice. He gripped your inner thighs firmly as he plunged in and out his fingers inside your hole. ”Baby-” You whined, a stream of tears fall from your eyes, you pussy still gave him reaction as he eyed you closely. After a quiet second, you stopped clenching when your fourth orgasm reached. You sighed as you closed your eyes, your chest fell up and down tried to breathe properly, you thought he was done with you but you were wrong when he opened the cuff but still left the spreader bar locked and carried you up as he pushed you against the large mirror adorned the side of his master bedroom. ”Namjoon please. Please,” You begged, your eyes still produced tears as it fell on your cheeks.

Namjoon looked up and look at your face through the mirror as he warned, ”Stop crying, slut.” Your legs trembled, your palms rested on the mirror. You cursed out when Namjoon shoved his massive, thick cock inside your throbbed hole. He was not giving you any break at all, each snap of his thrust brought you pleasure mixed with pain. You wanted him to stop but at the same time your pussy called for him, you decided to shut your eyes as you tried to focus on the pleasure. You yelped when Namjoon spanked your booty, ”Open your eyes baby, look how wrecked you are now.”

You opened your eyes immediately as you stared at him through the mirror. At this point you cant denied, he was the only one who can fuck you right, he was the only want who can treat you like that, who you put enough trust to do you as he wanted. You moaned again when Namjoon threw his head back, his mouth gaped open as he let out a deep groan and moaned. He looked so scary but at the same time so intimidating and so attractive. His movement still at the same pace, rough and fast. The pain started to develop inside your body, you clenched your palm into fists. ”yellow.” you muttered under your breath.

Namjoon gave a soft kiss on your shoulder as he kept going to reach his climax, you felt yourself tighten again. ”Good girl.” Namjoon praised softly, his palm rubbed your red ass. You moaned same goes to him when he splurged his cum inside of you, he stayed still for a moment, cockwarmed inside of you. You gasped stared at your pussy surged with his cum and yours as it trailed down to your tight. Your body almost gave up at the moment but Namjoon reached your body immediately. He carried you as he laid you down on his bed, you tried to catch your breath.

You got distracted when Namjoon walked away after giving you a soft kiss on the forehead. What was he doing? You were surprised when he turned around to see a dildo in his grasp. He grabbed you closer to him with the spreader bar before pulling it up made your legs widen and your pussy spread for him. It was crazy how you still can think how hot Namjoon right then, his built arms flexed when he grasped up the spreader. He looked at your hole before averting his eyes on you briefly and pushed the dildo inside of your core, your hands instantly wanted to reach your pussy but Namjoon’s glare halted your moves. Namjoon chuckled as he pushed in and out the dildo inside your pussy, ”Look at this dildo fucking my slut pretty pussy, my cum looked hot inside your hole, baby. This pussy is mine, do you understand?”

”Yes! It's yours!” You squealed helplessly, you squirmed when Namjoon pushed the spreader higher. Your ass practically hanged against the mattress, he gave a push of the dildo into you forcefully. You moaned when he turned it on, your mind went insane by the dildo vibrated inside you wildly. ”Fuck! Baby!” You yelled as you tried to clench your thigh but the restraint kept them opened. ”How many times now?” Namjoon asked, your voice stuck at your throat. Namjoon disliked it when you didn't answer him as he pushed the dildo further inside you. ”Four!” you replied.

Namjoon nodded, he stayed there, just let the dildo inside of him made all work for him. His right hand went up and grasped the spread bar, he smirked as he gazed down at you as you squirmed and moaned, begged his mercy but Namjoon just stayed there hold the spreader up with both of his hands and watched you rode your fifth orgasm. ”Namjoon, please... I beg you to stop, It's too much,”

”I will stop until you knew the weight your words have,” He replied, his eyes enjoyed how wrecked you looked under his gaze. ”Namjoon!” you were getting angry at the moment, ”Baby please I’m sorry okay, I didn't mean it!”

That got his attention as he crouched down, gripped your chin and stared deep inside of your orbs. ”I know you didn't but I have to make sure you won't talk like that to me again. You both know, I’m the only one for you.” His words made you angry but you can't stop your stomach coiled up, you felt butterflies from it. ”I’m the only want who can treat you like this and giving you satisfaction.” You yelled when Namjoon pushed the dildo inside of you again as it became slippery because of the cum stuffed inside of you. ”Please take it out!” You screamed, you cant held it anymore.

To your surprise Namjoon muttered ’okay’, you were relieved at second but gasped when he pushed the spreader higher to the air as he removed the dildo but pushed his hard cock inside of you. ”Namjoon! Stop!” You had tears rolled down your cheeks.

”You know your safe word.” He replied as he looked down at you, pushed his hips inside of you roughly. Your moaned became louder as the pain started to approach you. He gave a few more thrusts inside of you then replaced his cock with his fingers. Your orgasm started to swell again, you pushed his wrist off from your hole, Namjoon shook his head at your moves. He put the spreader bar down before he slapped your face, ”Stop fighting and take this like a good slut, baby.”

This time Namjoon shoved his cock inside of you, he snapped his hips into you, he supported his weight with his arms beside your face as he plunged inside of you so rough. His hard breath fanned your face, he then pulled out again from you then reached down and pushed his three fingers inside of you. You screamed and shut your eyes as you felt another orgasm came. Namjoon pulled out his fingers when he felt like your orgasm started to reach and placed his dick inside of you. ”Come around my cock like a good whore.” Namjoon groaned.

Your hands tried to push his chest off from you but to no avail he didn't move at all instead pushed his dick inside of you so rough, ”Namjoon stop!” you begged, your body tried to fight him. Your orgasm started to reach again but Namjoon kept thrusted his hip. You can’t do it anymore. Your breathe quickened, ”Namjoon!” you screamed out, wished he pulled out but Namjoon gave a kiss on your forehead still thrusted like a wild animal. ”Namjoon!” you yelled again. ”Red”

”What?” Namjoon abruptly stopped his movements, baffled by what you said. His grip on your hip loosened a bit, he looked down at you with confusion. You never once used those words every since you and him together, he knew you liked it but today he heard those words. ”Red!” You repeated, your eyes shut as tears rolled down your cheeks left him shocked, he slowly took his cock out of you, afraid if he took it out abruptly your body will ache even further.

”Shit! What is hurt baby?” He crouched down on the floor opened the restraint from you. You immediately brought your legs up as you curled up against the mattress, you broke down and sobbed like a child. You brought your hands to your aching private part, put on the pressure against it to lessen the pain. Ykh was in great pain, Namjoon didn't hurt you but it was too much, you couldn't take the overstimulation.

”Baby, what do you need? What can I do for you?” Namjoon panicked, he felt guilty about the way he had treated her. He should not punish you that hard, he knew you already apologize but he was too angry, he wanted you to know you were him, he never wanted to make you hurt. ”I-I don't know,” you chocked on your tears made Namjoon ashamed by himself. Namjoon quickly stood up and took the comforter he had thrown earlier before he punished you on the floor and wrapped your body with it.

”Please, don’t cry, baby,” Namjoon wiped your tears as he kissed your shoulder from the back, ”I’m sorry, I had hurt you, I’m so sorry, Princess.” Namjoon caressed your hair as he nibbled your earlobe nonstop whispered sorry, you felt sorry for him. He didn't even hurt you, you were just too sore to take the punishment.

”No, Namjoon, you didn't hurt me. I was too sore, I promised you I enjoyed it,” You slowly turned your body to him and wrapped his naked body with the comforter as well, you rested your head on his chest. ”I’m sorry.”

[phoneybeatlemania-bit-the-dust]

Number 2 on the angst/fluff prompt list

2. “I’m worried about you.”

CW: Disordered eating

Scotland, sometime in the 70’s

“Hiya, love.” Paul said as he entered the kitchen. He’d just come back from the shops, grabbing a few groceries; he enjoyed the simple tasks such as shopping and even, to some extent, cleaning, because it balanced out well with the chaos of navigating celebrity life.

“Hiya.” John returned, scarcely looking up from his book, of which he read sitting at their kitchen table. As Paul walked past him, he stopped in his tracks to plant his hands around his partners shoulders, hugging him, and giving him a tender kiss on his temple. John in return cupped Pauls hands with his own, giving them an affectionate squeeze. They had built a small life for themselves in recent years - it was nice.

After setting his bags of shopping down on their kitchen table, Paul motioned towards the TV that sat in the corner of their kitchen. He switched it on, not so much to watch it, more so just for the ambient sound. Some sort of cricket game was on, neither of them cared.

“Anything happen whilst I was out?” Paul asked casually.

“Not much. Cyn’ rang - she wants to know if we can take Jules for the week next week, cause he’ll be on half term, y’know-like.”

Unloading the bags, Paul replied, “Course we

can; he can stay here anytime!”

“Yeah, well, thats what I told her.”

Opening the cupboards and noticing little, perhaps even none, of the food had been touched, Paul muttered softly, “Have you eaten today?”

Not batting an eye from his book, John responded, “Not yet - no.”

“Oh.” He hoped that this didn’t mean what he thought it meant, and so he insisted, “Well ill make you something.”

“‘M fine Paul…” he grumbled back disdainfully.

“But you didn’t eat much for breakfast either; ye must be starving-“

“‘M fine, alright,” He growled with a little more intent. “just let me be, will ye?”

“I only want you to eat, love; I worry about you when ye don’t.”

“Ill eat later.” John replied coldly.

“But thats still not a lot; ye have to eat more then one meal, y’know.”

“I am Paul - just drop it, alright?” And with that, he closed his book, and abandoned Paul in the kitchen.

After a few minutes of contemplation, Paul followed John over to where he was sat at the sofa, placing himself down beside John. John payed him little attention, still staring intently, at the television, and so Paul took the others hands into his own, and stated bluntly, “John, im worried about you.”

“Paul…” he groaned, but Paul wouldn’t allow him to dismiss him like that, and so he interjected. 
“No, listen, im worried yer stressing about yer weight again; and I dont want you to do this to yourself again.”

“Im fine, Paul.”

But he ignored Johns protests, continuing, “Are ye stressing about that TV interview yer doin’ in a few days time? Cause we can cancel it if you are - id rather cancel it then have you hurtin’ yerself over it.”

“Don’t worry about it Paul - ill be fine.”

“I want you to be happy though, not fine.”

“Paul. ‘M okay, im just not hungry today, alright?”

“Alright…” Paul whined defeatedly, realising he was not going to get through to John at this hour. “But you know ill love you regardless of how you look. You know that right?”

“Yeah, I know that.” John said acceptingly, but he didn’t sound convinced.

He never knew what to do with John when he would get like this: self-conscious, and insecure about his weight. John would never really talk to him about it, other then the occasional comment when he was a little tipsy - but even then, John would change the subject before Paul had the chance to enquire too deeply into what he was saying.

But he could see the ways his other half would look at himself in the mirror, and he see the glances he’d give his food when he felt he’d eaten too much that day. He wished he could help, but he didn’t understand. He made sure to shower John with love and affection, always reminding him of how handsome he still thought he was - even in their old(-ish) age - and some would even say he coddled and cared for John too much! But still, it appeared to make little difference to Johns confidence.

Later that night, as Paul was on the phone to George, and John was in the shower, he complained, “D’you know, I just dunno what to do with him when he gets like this.”

Sternly, George said in response, “Ive told ye before Paul, ye coddle him too much. Ye gotta face the facts - you cant help him, he needs sort of therapy-like.”

“I know, I know. But he’s convinced he’s fine - he thinks he’s mellowed out, y’know, with old age.”

“Old age? Yer only in yer thirties. ‘Sides, he hasn’t ‘mellowed out’, the problems still there, he’s just a little less…” he struggled to find a kind word to describe him, eventually he came across, “y’know, a little less emotional. Little less enraged-like.”

“Yeah, I suppose yer right. I guess ill talk to him about it tonight - but I don’t think he’ll go for it.”

“Give it a go, he’ll come around sometime.”

“Yeah…” Paul sighed. “Listen, ill let ye go now - give you a ring sometime tomorrow. Give my love to Olivia, will ye?”

“Yeah, alright. Bye.”

“Bye.”

***

Sometimes a girls gotta write herself a comfort ED fic instead of actually dealing with her FUCKING problems

[nuclear-tea]

I live texted @pure-egotism while I watched Your Name again. Spoilers ahead.

The music from the title screen is already fucking me up

Watching with headphones is truly shiver-inducing. Because the surround sound is right in your ear

Best line of the first act: Teshi, keep your fool mouth shut!

Wait. Little sister: what a jackass

I love this movie but if you dont know the basic premise then the amount of self touching at the beginning is off putting

CAFE DOGS

Who tf talks about the timber work in the fuckin cafe????? Taki's friends are middle aged women.

"When is this nightmare going to be over" -Mitsuha as Taki. Also me irl.

"Take off your skirt!" Not weird between friends. Def weird between coworkers.

Oh my god

Oh fuck

The fuckin

The pen

The pen that he doesn't wrote his name woth

That she drops before she writes her name

She uses it. Right at the beginning

When she's him for the first time. She writes her name

I'm dying

Fucking poetry

I feel

Like crying

Bisexual boy friend admits that his friend was cute

Listen. I like both characters. But is it just the bisexual coming out? Cause badass Mitsuha and cute Taki are better.

I love the subtle implication that Teshi likes Mitsuha in the beginning but kinda moves on because they become bros mostly due to Taki.

Also. Bless the small town girls who confess to Mitsuha. I hope they live their best woolawooo lives once they all get out of the small town.

Taki is legit having a spiritual awakening. So strong that he's gonna do some crazy shit later. It works out, but it's still nuts.

The grandma acknowledging the dream and waking Taki up gives me shivers every time.

"It was a date I wanted to go on" sounds pretty gay, Mitsuha.

Not something I just realized, but seeing the Nostalgia photo exhibit before the plot thickens gets me.

The utter sadness, which turns into tension, of the music in the moments leading up to the first comet scene.

Like. That piano is giving me feelings

The way Taki leaves the bits of tape on his sketches and then shoves them in his bag enrages me.

Taki. I am begging you to do a reverse image search

Ogudara: I had feelings for him. He's been cute recently

Guy friend: mood

Can you imagine how nuts his friends would've gone if he'd gotten them to go up the mountain?

I absolutely love the sake acid trip

@pure-egotism "sake is good tho"

But normal sake doesn't make you trip balls and see a girl get inseminated

Grandma: body swapping in dreams, I will buy. The comet destroying the town, not so much.

Well technically she just says "the town won't buy it

Going to see the mayor was a mistake. It tipped him off and they probably tracked them down faster because of it.

"If I suddenly show up will it be a nuisance?"

Big mood

No way Taki looks basically the same at 14 as he does at 17.

That's the biggest plot hole

It low key breaks my heart that he gives the cord back. Like. She can make a new one. That one is your fate.

When they pass each other up on the mountain and you briefly see the chord of fate/ her chord tug at both of them. *chefs kiss*

That chord is the only real time traveler. It is 3 years older than it should be.

Every time she drops the pen I cry

I cry again when she sees her hand

Also all the commentators and broadcasts talking about the contest and how it's beautiful and they're fortunate and it won't hurt anything 😭😭😭

I think Ogudara and Mitsuha are probably the same age.

"I didn't even know anybody in that town" 😭😭😭😭😭😭

Good I love this music

What a good movie

[dolphin-enthusiast]

Hey bro, I hope you're doing well🥺💖 if your hcs are open, could you do hcs with bucci gang and a s/o getting catcalled/street harassed (only if this is not a trigger for you obviously)? I am upset 🙂🙂🙂...ANYWAy I love you sOoo much Morgane

This is extremely late my apologies but dw I don’t mind writing for sensitive topics such as this one!!! Behavior like this absolutely enrages me and you have all the rights to be upset because it’s fuckin vile. It goes without saying but tw harassment yadda yadda.

Bruno:

- He’s usually freakishly good at masking his true feelings and overall keeping his calm under pressure, but if he were to actually witness you getting catcalled he’s going to go lowkey sicko mode. His motherly/protective instincts kick in and he’s instantly death glaring the person who dared wrong you like that right on his weary watch. Honestly he’d feel like throwing a fit even if it didn’t happen before his very eyes. No, he’d be EVEN more enraged if you’d just come home one day and tell him that since he wasn’t there to intervene.

- At this point he doesn’t even have to do much, all that it takes is for Bruno to shoot said person a quick murderous glare then tell them to beat it and they’ll instantly fuck off not even 2 seconds later. After they are out of scene, he flips back to his usual calm and polite self (the d u a l i t y of man) as he proceeds to check up on you by asking if that asshole’s words managed to get to you. Hell, this man is going to be comforting you for hours and wouldn’t let go of you unless you were absolutely certain you were feeling at least just a little better.

- No matter your response, Bruno is going to pull you into his arms and firmly let you know that he’ll never let anyone hurt you. As long as he lives and he’s by your side he’s going to fight whoever dares to bother you, you have his absolute word for it. Normally he’d at first try solving the issue through diplomatic means but there’s just something about catcalling that utterly enrages him and makes him lose control for a few seconds, let alone if it’s his partner we’re talking about. Tl;dr: dont fucking make the mistake of wronging his s/o, he’ll fucking end you.

Giorno:

- Just like Bruno, but 3 times more menacing if that’s even possible. If Bruno managed to hold himself back just a bit and didn’t let his anger COMPLETELY consume him in that moment, our dear aries right here is quite the opposite. Sure it’s not like he’s going to throw said person into a death loop of despair (although that’s the first thing that would cross his mind), but in that second Gio wouldn’t really be able to mask his emotions like he usually does.

- If it happened before his eyes, that person is as good as dead. He merely steps in between you two, hooks an arm around your waist and “kindly” asks said person to repeat themselves since he’s not sure whether he heard them correctly or not the first time. At this point the person in question would already be getting lowkey uneasy since Gio’s aura and overall presence would be goddamn menacing, and so they’d be beating it in due time after he throws them a cold glare and tells them to never speak to you in this way ever again.

- Akin to Bruno, he’d revert back to his usual calm self right after that asshole leaves then ever so gently he’d check up on you and tell you that you should ignore their dirty, meaningless words and that he’ll be there to protect you always. That day Gio would try his best at keeping you preoccupied and cheering you up since he wouldn’t want you to think of this experience again. He’d put on an unbothered mask for you but deep down he’d still be fuming at the thought of another person just...insulting someone like that. Not only a random someone, but HIS beloved.

Abbacchio:

- Straight up shoves his fist in front of their face, I ain’t even joking. The second he hears them whistling and saying some dumb dirty shit he’s instantly walking over to them whilst seeing fucking red and asking if they have a problem with HIS partner. As said person would desperately try explaining themselves, Abbacchio would merely scowl then threaten to beat the fuck out of them if they don’t fuck outta here in the next 3 seconds.

- He’d be highkey scary threatening that person like that but would then try calming himself down in order to be able to actually think rationally again and check up on you. By the time he’d walk over you and grab your shoulders whilst asking if you’re alright, poor Abba would still be breathing heavily, his cheeks tinted red from the previous intense anger episode. He’d immediately escort you away from the place where the harassment happened as he’d keep reassuring you that you’re safe now with him here.

- That day Abba would keep replaying that episode inside his head over and over because he simply cannot understand how someone could just speak to a stranger in such a horrible way, and the thought of you getting insulted like that is enough to send him into a fit of anger, let alone if you were actually touched by said person. He’s absolutely ready to square up for you 25/8 and, although he’s not the best with words, he’s going to make sure that you’re feeling better and would keep cuddling and comforting you for as long as you need in an attempt to make you forget about the incident.

Mista:

- Makes a damn scene and rightfully so. He’s already a very touchy guy even in public, so the fact that the person in question clearly saw the both of you together and STILL decided to hit on you absolutely enrages him. Hell, even if you were alone what do they think gives them the right to talk to someone else like that??? Mista cannot wrap his head around it and at this point he doesn’t even try to anymore, he’s full on f u m i n g. He already took on some fuckers that were harassing a poor woman in the past and will gladly do it again for his partner.

- Whether he was there when it happened or not, you bet your ass that Mista is going to go on a rant and insult that person’s entire bloodline, mostly using italian curse words of course. He’d hate himself for not being there to properly protect you if it happened when you were alone, but if we’re talking about him actually WITNESSING that scene then it’s game fucking o v e r. Mista would just go like “O I” then waltz towards that rude ass with his fist clenched and brows tightly knitted together in sheer anger. He’d be screaming his ass off at that person telling them to never get near you again, calling them out on their bs right in front of everyone else on the damn street.

- He wouldn’t be afraid to legit fight them whilst everyone was watching either so you’d most likely have to drag his ass away from there or else he’d end up fucking killing them or something. Mista would need some time to come down from his rage episode but when he does he’s going to be apologizing over and over for his outburst, quite literally crushing you into his arms afterwards and trying not to fucking cry whilst telling you how much he loves you and how he’s going to beat up anyone else that tries wronging you like that again. Expect him to be EVEN more clingy than usual for the next few hours as well since he can get v e r y protective over you.

Fugo:

- As expected, probably the one that erupts the worst. If you thought Mista and Abbacchio threw a scene honey you ain’t seen s h i t. The second he hears that person call out to you in an insulting way he’s violently whipping his head around towards them, his jaw clenched and hands trembling with anger. In that second said person knows they F U C K E D U P because Fugo starts screaming his ass off and calling them all sorts of colorful insults.

- Just like in Mista’s case you’d have to hold him down or else he can and WILL kill them. Fugo has absolutely 0 patience and regard for people that do this also because of personal reasons, so it would almost be ptsd inducing for the poor man. Not only would he be utterly enraged with such behavior directed at a total stranger (who also happened to be his beloved mind you), but it would also remind him of some past experiences he wished he could forget. 

- Afterwards Fugo will be unusually clingy and significantly more open with his feelings, telling you over and over how he’ll stop at nothing to protect you and constantly expressing his love for you through gentle touches and soft words. He’s normally extremely shy when it comes to showing affection, but after this he’d feel an overwhelming need to be there for you and comfort you through your distress, swearing that he’ll protect you no matter what and that you shouldn’t care for such heinous comments coming from an uneducated rude ass.

Narancia:

- At first is flabbergasted and tries to process what that person just said. Did he hear that right?? Are they really serious?? Did they really just dare to mess with Y O U???? That’s it, Narancia is angrily stomping towards the scene, throwing an arm around your shoulders whilst straight up bullying your harasser for their disgusting behavior. Now if said person tries mocking him that would be their last mistake because Narancia can and WILL throw goddamn fists regardless of who’s watching.

- He’ll tell off anyone that bothered you then smother you in hugs and spoil you with anything you wanted in an attempt to cheer you up. He’s also a surprisingly good listener so you can pretty much pour your heart out at him for he will sit through it all then proceed to comfort and hug you plenty. He may be smol but Narancia has no fear of fighting for his close ones, so he’ll let you know that whenever someone else starts bs you should immediately call him.

- He doesn’t like dwelling in the negative feelings and will instruct you on doing the same. Basically, he’ll try getting your mind off of things to the best of his abilities and is going to constantly be encouraging and reassuring you. Narancia is pretty much a walking serotonin machine who will be your emotional support human as well as your “bodyguard��� because he really likes to pride himself in protecting and keeping you safe.

[zuffer-weird-girl]

What if Kai gets jealous that Chrono is spending more time with his angel making preparations for Kai’s and his angel anniversary when they first meet so Kai ends up having a tantrum and ruins the surprise

Here comes the jealousy train, choo choo!

Again. There you are walking with Chrono with that big smile again.

It was getting on his nerves.

For about some time he noticed that aparently you took a certain liking and preference to stay with block head instead of him for some reason. He checked, he didn't do nothing to upset neither anger you on the slightest, but yet you seemed to spend more time with kurono than anyone else during these days.

Was he angry?... enraged was the word he would put on.

Did you share a fucking ring with Chronostasis? He doesn't think so. So why on hell you're staying that much time with him he wonders.

What was the most irritating things of all, it was that just in the week of you guys anniversary you were doing this. Convenient, yes?

He stopped writing the moment he caught the voices of Chrono and yourself on the hallway and he couldn't help but to get interested.

"Thanks a lot for the help Kurono."

"No problem (y/n). Is that all we have to do?"

He cringed at hearing Chrono's voice. He remembered that when you were still new on the Hassaikai and when he ordered Kurono to take care of you while you got out when he couldn't, the man remained stoic and even cold sometimes while he referred you with pronouns of respect and your last name.

But as the time went by. You both had gotten close enough for block head to even dare to joke around with you and call you by your first name. His angel's first name.

And you complied sometimes, which could trigger him even more.

"I guess it is. Kai always ruin it so we have to be very careful or else he might found out." He arched a eyebrow at that as the man besides you chuckled a bit.

"I am still surprised how he didn't find out. But I can notice that he is getting suspicious-" he got up slowly, feeling his blood already boiling in anger as he carefully and silently followed you guys voices.

"He is already?" You sighed and he furrowed even more his eyebrows "I guess sometimes is just impossible to do those without him knowing. He has eyes on everywhere."

"You bet. Hey, need help with that?"

"I would love to." You giggled, a sound that normally would let him feeling light as a feather but this time was different.

Those giggles weren't for him. Were for another man, that aparently had a secret along with HIS wife that he didn't even knew about it until now.

He. Despised. Secrets.

And you knew that. Secrets for him weren't never good without a damn good reason. So why you were having one, that he couldn't know of, with Chrono of all people?

"Looks perfect Hari!" His eye twitched as he accidentaly overhauled his glove "Thank you so much!" He heard you squeal "I could just hug you right now!"

"Easy. Is not all that."

Bastard. Fucking bastard. Chronostasis was a brave man to do that.

Was.

He opened the door and called out for Kurono, ignoring your surprised yelp and went towards Hari with a murderous look.

"I hope you have a really good explanation for this madness." He growled while Hari arches a eyebrow.

"Huh... what madness boss?" He widen his eyes and dodged Chisaki's hand quickly, sighing in relief of not being touched.

"Well. Considering you have something to hide for me you at least have to have a GOOD explanation. Especially if you're hiding something from me and MY wife is involved."

"Ah." Chrono deadpanned before taking some steps back, just to make sure. "That. I knew it you weren't going to not know about it for long." He looked at you from Kai's shoulder "You own me 20 bucks."

"She doesn't own you anything son of a-" he lift his hand but stopped with a growl at feeling you grabbing his wrist.

"Kai please stop this!" You pleaded and only received a dark glare in response "Is not Kurono's fault!"

"I see that. You, more than anyone else, knows how I despise secrets. And you still has one with one of my most valuable workers?" He asked in a growl.

"Kai... you know what day it is tommorow, right?"

"Dont change the fucking subject (Y/n)-"

"I am not!" You huffed before showing at the neatly table amd organized room "I just asked Kurono's help to make a surprise for you since you always ruin it!" You exclaimed while his eyes went a bit back to normal as his tense muscles relaxed a hit under your hold.

"I swear on my life that I even just helped making one or two dishes. The rest it was all her." Hari commented and only received a glare back of Chisaki, making him lift his hands up in surrender.

"... dismissed." Chrono nodded before bowing and leaving the room with a sigh, or of relief or of annoyance you couldn't know.

You let go of his hand to see him staring at the ground, and you decided not to comment that he looked like a child that just threw a tantrum. Only missing the crossed arms and pout.

Although you were almost sure that behind that mask he had one.

"So..?" You tilted your head while crossing your arms with a smirk "Anything to say?"

"Asides of how I am irritated with you and him. Nothing." You hummed in sarcasm before stepping in front of him, while he refused to look at your eyes.

"Not even an 'I am sorry for taking in the wrong way'?" He grunted in response as you sighed, letting your arms down to your waist to hold them.

"Is my yakusa big and bad boss jealous? Of his own childhood friend no less?" You asked on a mocking tone while he scoffed, finally looking at you.

"Bold of you to assume that I would be jealous of that block head dearest. Who do you take me for?"

"A jealous man." You giggled at his glare before yelping a bit at flip he gave to your forehead.

"I was not. Is merely security measures. Chrono is still apart of the yakusa."

"...Kai." you brought your hands up while staring at him in disbelief "I am married with the capo of the yakusa. The headmaster of the Hassaikai is my father in law. YOU sended Chrono and Mimic to look after me whenever you can't when I am out. Security measures my ass!"

"Language." He growled, unable to come back with another good answer for his behaviour.

He wasn't jealous.

"Love.." you sighed, a bit of sadness on your voice "I just wanted to make one surprise without you finding out once... I know you claim to not like those because of what you went through, but I wanted to at least give you one good memory of surprises..."

His frow dissapeared as he listened to you talking, the reason of why you had made those.

"And about me and Kurono? Kai he is your childhood friend. I would like to spend time and know people that knew my husband more time than I did sadly, because in this way I can have a bit of your own past. I know how you say you don't, but I am sure that Kurono is special to you somehow, even if you don't admit it."

"He is only a person that I tolerate." He growled while rolling his eyes, knowing of your growing smirk.

"Sure. Only tolerate." You fisted the material of his dress black shirt and he only stared down at you. "But the only man I would need on my own life is the one in front of me. No one else." You rested your head on his neck and smiled at the sigh of your lover as he rested his own head on you.

He carresed awkwardly your back with his gloved hand as he took one look at the supposed surprise you wanted to make for him.

"... if it is for your liking I can pretend I didn't saw a thing." Your giggles made him smirk a bit.

"That's not fair and no fun then."

"... apologies for this dearest. But I would rather for you to not do such things as surprises. I am not found of those." You hummed, still not convinced but complied to.his words for now anyway.

"Right... want to have dinner since you completly abandoned work?"

"Guess is my only option."

You two looked at each other for a bit before he lowered his mask a bit to give you a sweet kiss on the lips, leaving you smilling like a complete dork.

"... you're going to have to apologize to Kurono-" you winced at the sound of the chair scratching the floor as your husband pushed and glared at you again

"Only over by my cold and lifeless body." He growled while you sighed in defeat.

Is kai. Why are you even surprised?

[ficsandcatsandficsandcats]

*tosses coin to my writer, o valley of plenty* if I may get a little Jask fic where the reader is cursed to be extremely ugly, and is ashamed and hides in a cloak/helmet/whatever to hide her face. Obviously shes in love with him, but theres no way he would ever love someone so hideous. Inevitably, one day someone sees her without the mask, (I dont care who, it can be anyone, even Jask) and they end up talking feelings and shame and all that good stuff.

Fandom: The WitcherPairing: Jaskier x ReaderWord Count: 2,236 Rating: Ga/n: I love the concept of a reader being cursed and bonding with Jaskier over emotions instead of the usual “you’re hot, I’m hot, let’s fuck” (though my catalogue supports that I am not against this particular trope at all). I had a bit of a dilemma when trying to figure out how to approach because I am very cognizant of the way ugliness is socially constructed and I didn’t want to put a bunch of features on blast that someone may recognize in themselves and feel shitty about. Fanfic should either make you happy or sob or sigh but it should never make you feel bad about yourself. So I put a bit of a spin on it and I hopethat’s ok. I think I’ve still got the core of what you’re asking for here and I hope I handled it well. Thank you for coming to my TEDtalk.

There were those who spurned fairytales. They dismissed the stories of fairy godmothers and curses as children’s tales, moralistic tools for discipline. You knew better. You knew all too well how real fairy godmothers were, and how vicious they were when their charges were mistreated. You’d never been able to glean from your father what act he committed to enrage the fairy so but you knew the fallout. Your mother died in childbirth and you, against all odds, stubbornly clung to life and survived. Another punishment had to be handed down and the curse was placed. When you looked in the mirror you saw someone plain. Features indistinct and uninteresting, a canvas of a person. 

You were the lucky one. When others looked at you, they saw the face of the ugliest creature their imaginations could conjure. The fairy had been clever, knowing all too well that beauty was in the eye of beholder and that the only way to ensure your misery and loneliness was to make sure that every eye that beheld you saw something so uniquely gruesome to their own taste that they could not look past it. Your father was included in this and though he denied it you knew between that and losing your mother he was not able to feel or express love for you as he would have been if you weren’t so repugnant in his eyes.

You took to traveling and healing, still clinging to life like you had in your infancy, still determined to fight for your space in the world. Travelling meant you never had to get to know anyone too well or get too close. You’d tried using paints as other ladies did if they wanted to change their appearance but this only seemed to intensify the revulsion you inspired. You ended up wearing a heavy, hooded cloak and a kerchief about your mouth for extra measure. You were an intimidating figure but you tried to balance this with a soft voice and greater skill in healing. If you could offer something to people, you could briefly get the interaction you craved. But you always kept travelling and you rarely ran into the same person twice.

Until Jaskier.

You met him the way you met most people; providing a service. He’d come by your wagon in a rough state, explaining as you cleaned up his wounds that he’d gotten into a disagreement during his performance the night before. He was charming and kind, only asking about your odd attire once and then leaving it be when you made it clear you didn’t want to discuss it. He paid you more coin than you would have asked and you felt grateful that you’d had the chance to meet him and knew it would remain an encounter you kept close to your heart the rest of your days.

And then you saw him again. This time he caught you unawares, out on a very rare excursion away from your wagon to get some supplies. You’d never had someone see you a second time and look so happy about it. He joined you on your shopping, haggling with the shop owners and asking you for advice on the songs he was writing. He tried to get to know you a bit more, asking about how long you’d been traveling and why you’d chosen healing as a profession. It was easy to talk to him and you almost forgot he couldn’t see the burden you hid beneath your wrappings. He walked you back to your wagon, even going so far as to help you up into it, his hand grasping yours lightly to support you. Your touch starved skin tingled for hours in the spot his hand had been.

The third time you saw him was the worst day of your life. You’d known you were taking a risk by leaving the wagon without the hood and mask but you tried to convince yourself that you were only going down to the river for a moment to bathe. It was early winter and you knew no one would be around, smartly tucked up in their houses with their loved ones and fending off the frost. The water stung your skin but you enjoyed the sensation, happy to be free of the heavy clothes for these moments.

And then you saw him.

You clamored out of the river but you’d only pulled on your dress, still scrambling for the cloak when he stopped in his tracks. Confusion followed by recognition followed by even more confusion washed over his face and you felt your heart break as he cautiously approached.

“Y/N?” he asked. There was no point in pretending, the cloak and kerchief were in hand.

“Jaskier,” you said. You stood across from each other in silence for what felt like ages. You weren’t sure what you were expecting him to do. Not everyone who saw you was cruel, some were just afraid which was almost worse. Jaskier just looked confused and intrigued. His eyes kept traveling over your face like he was trying to commit it to memory.

“Say something,” you said finally, your voice choked with repressed tears. He walked towards you slowly as though he were trying not to spook a horse. By the time he reached you the tears fell from your unblinking eyes. You kept looking for the moment he would turn. The revulsion that would shatter the lovingly preserved memories of him forever. He reached out and brushed away the tears and then reached down and took the cloak from your hands. You stood unmoving as he gently wrapped the cloak back around you, lifting the hood to cover your half-frozen hair. He held the kerchief in his hand but didn’t cover your face, just fidgeted with it as he worked to form words.

“So this is your deep secret,” he said. You nod, unable to form words.

“I’m disappointed.”

The words broke your heart.

“I thought it would be that you were a murderer or a dangerous fugitive,” he continued.

“What?”

“Well, I mean, unless, are you?” he asked.

“No,” you answered.

“Ok so you wear the cloak and the kerchief and the layers and things because…” his voice trailed off, leaving the question open for your answer.

“Because I’m hideous,” the words are like ashes in your mouth but you’re accustomed to the taste.

“According to whom?” he asked. You scoffed incredulously.

“Everyone. Literally everyone. That’s how it works.”

“That’s how what works?”

“The curse.”

“You’re cursed? How fascinating.”

His words anger you and you fear that he’s mocking you, that maybe the kindness he’s shown is just an act and that this a fresh way to experience cruelty. You thought you’d seen them all.

But you tell him the story. You tell him about the curse and your mirrorless childhood and the moment you saw your face and the worse moment when you began asking people to describe you and learned the true nature of the curse, far beyond the loss of a mother or a plain face. You don’t know when you both sit on the ground but at some point you’re there next to each other, leaning against the wheels of the wagon as the words continue to tumble out of you like a dam that’s finally broken. No one has ever heard this much of you, seen this much of you, or sat this long with you in your life and you stop caring how he’s going to react at the end. This isn’t about him anymore, this is about you releasing all that you’d carried and all that you’ll carry with you for the rest of your life. When you’re done you notice he’s taken your hand at some point and his thumb is softly rubbing soothing circles around your knuckles.

“So now this is my life. I stay hidden for my sake as much as everyone else’s. I heal because it’s better than sitting locked up in a house all my life and because it helps me feel… well, just that I suppose. It helps me feel. I would rather feel those brief moments of connection than stay numb my whole life,” you say. You’re startled to see there are tears in his eyes and he pulls you into a hug, not sure if he’s comforting you or himself but you hug him back though you’re long out of practice.

“I’m so sorry,” he murmurs into the hood of your cloak, “I’m so, so sorry.”

“Everyone has their curses I suppose,” you mumble, a little embarrassedand uncertain how to respond.

“Yes but the worst part is it’s all so stupid. So people find you ugly, so what? What could that possibly have to do with your worth as a person?” he asks.

“It’s easy to say that when you’re beautiful,” you say bitterly.

“Beauty doesn’t secure your place in people’s lives. It sure as hell doesn’t make them want you around either,” he says. “But tell me you realize this can’t keep on forever.”

“What do you mean?” you ask.

“Well this… lonely existence, it’s miserable. No offense. Even you said as much. Are you really going to just hide yourself away forever?”

“I didn’t… I don’t see any other option.”

His hand is warm as it gently cups your face and your heart nearly leaps out of your chest.

“Take me with you,” he says.

“What?”

“Take me with you. I make a better travelling companion than most think. And I can help! Not with the healing and such but… listen, I had a friend who was treated much the same as you describe and I was able to help… bridge the gap between him and the people around him,” he says.

“How did you do that?”

“I wrote a song. Now, I’m not suggesting I write a song unless…” his voice trails off and he waggles his eyebrows winningly but your stony face is answer enough.

“Yes that’s what I thought. In any case with me by your side your loneliness is eased and if being there doesn’t communicate a more welcoming message I can at the very least defend your honor.”

You laugh, the sound foreign to your ears.

“And how will you do that?” you ask.

“I… will figure that out!” he vows.

“Can I ask you something,” you ask, growing serious again and avoiding his eyes.

“Anything.”

“What do you see? When you look at me? What do I look like?”

He considers the question and then pulls out a journal and quill from his travelling bag. You try to lean over and see what he’s doing but he pulls the journal away from your sight, tsking at you and telling you to be patient. Your stomach twists in knots as he glances between the journal and you and just when you’re about to lunge for it, he makes a final flourish and hands you the book.

A sob wracks through your body the moment your eyes meet the page and a trembling hand covers your mouth.

“I’m not an excellent artist but I don’t think it’s so bad,” Jaskier says, concern furrowing his brow. You can’t form words for a while, the jagged sobs seemingly endless as Jaskier rubs your back, confused but trying to be supportive until your sobs break into something that sounds a little less heartwrenching and then breaks into laughter. You look at him, eyes shining with tears and something else, something a bit more hopeful and new.

“It’s me,” you whisper, pointing to the drawing. The drawing of the face you saw in your reflection as a child, just older. The face no one has ever seen until this man who’s looking at you like you’re insane but also very relieved that you’d stopped crying. Well, not entirely, but they seem to be happy tears now.

“Yes I know,” he says.

“No, Jaskier, Jaskier, it’s me,” you can’t explain what this means just yet. There aren’t words and you aren’t sure you understand yet yourself.

“I see you,” he says, wiping away some of the tears again, leaning in closed to rest his forehead against yours, “I see you.”

There are those who spurn fairytales. They dismiss the stories of destiny and of a love that cannot be repelled by curses or the weight of a life heavy with trauma. You know better.

[clown-bait]

A Very Monster Christmas (Monster Roommate AU) PT4

Jesus fuck its been awhile. Believe it or not I actually have 3 whole chapters written including the conclusion to the christmas series so hopefully when I finish one more in between chapter I can actually post weekly again. Think of it like constipation but for writing.

PT4 The Weather Outside is Frightful

“No.”

“Penny please I'm so bored and you could use the babysitting practice.” Leech bravely took her eldritch's gloved hands in her own. The clown was not moved.

“I just saved you three days ago. You are not to leave.”

The nosferatu frowned and dropped his hands. “You know I'm just going to find a way out anyway.” she grinned at him smugly while Pennywise's upper lip twitched over his fangs in annoyance.

“You try my patience little thing” he growled and moved closer to her till she could feel hot puffs of air on her cold cheeks.

“I'm not going alone anyway Fred, Chucky and Drac are coming with me.”

The clown’s eyes narrowed into slits “That makes it worse.”

“Junior let the blood sucker get some fresh air for crying out loud.” Uncle Penny groaned as he turned to Leech’s mom. “I swear he is the biggest drama queen you should have seen him when he woke up the guy put on the biggest tantrum.”

Pennywise snarled and turned to his elder half baring his fangs in warning.

“If you want me to stop then cut the theatrics kiddo.” the elder clown huffed and quickly motioned for the group to leave.

Leech was mostly out the door by the time Pennywise registered she had slipped out “Bye Love don't eat Chucky’s kids!” she called out to him as the old door slammed behind her. The clown’s eyes were alarming red and yellow facing completely different directions. Before he could react to being tricked he felt a harsh tug on the puff of his pantaloons.

“All right Jingles, your baby mama asked me to give you a crash course on how to not completely fuck up your family and my mother always said the best way to learn is to try it yourself.” Tiff began as she pulled the massive creature back into the living room. “Now I want you to sit down with Glen and Glenda and have a nice little chat with them.”

“Oh this ought to be amazing!” Uncle Penny laughed and got comfortable in his seat to watch the show.

-----

“So what's the plan boys local bar? Convenience store? I'm partial to crashing a house party myself.” The vampire said turning around to her ghoulish companions.

“I dunno Fangs whatevers closest its fuckin freezing out here” Freddy pulled his trench coat tighter. Dracula lagged behind slightly uncomfortable with the implications of their outing. Chucky who was being generously carried by Leech called out to him.

“Come on Drac you're lagging behind and getting laid takes time. We ain't got all night!”

“This is very generous of all of you but I do not need-”

“Yeah 200 years is a long enough of a dry spell dude, come on you helped me get my man I'm gonna help you.” Leech shouted over him as she pushed through some deeper snow.

“Woah there fangs let's not push through the deep stuff in a snow storm.” The doll gripped his friend tighter

“I'm leading this hunting party dont like it you can walk.” The vampire stated simply and pushed onward through the field.

“Yeah great idea to take a short cut into town through deep snow Fangs!” Freddy huffed.

“Well the three of you wouldnt let me take the trees and roof tops.” Leech grumbled and continued to push onward.

“Fangs do I look like I was built to Spiderman around? Good Guy dolls are made for hugs not acrobatics and you're too clumsy anyway.” Chucky grumbled while clinging to his friend.

“I've gotten better!” Leech shouted and Dracula coughed.

“Eh debatable apprentice.”

“Oh yeah and when's the last time you actually instructed me on anything” the younger vampire growled.

“Well after you cancelled the last three times to as you so artfully put it, marathon with your lover, I assumed you were far too busy for things like learning to survive.” a dark color tinted the nosferatu's cheeks as she nearly tripped in the deep snow.

“One of those times was for a legitimate movie marathon ok!”

“Yeah that ended in the other kind.” Freddy added.

“So what if my sex life is healthy.”

“Excessive is a bit more like it.” the doll grumbled.

“Ok Pen and I both have big appetites it works out.” Leech led her friends out of the deep snow as Freddy snorted.

“Yeah I'll say! Vampires man you all are in a constant state of horny I swear.”

“Excuse you flatmate!” the elder vampire called out in offense.

“Yeah you're not one to talk you told me all about your adventures before the “Mina” incident. Didn't you bang her friend in the form of a wolf or something?”

“DO NOT SPEAK OF HER NAME”

“Do you need to hold Chucky again Drac? He said it himself he's good for hugs.” Leech sneered holding her friend out as he thrashed angrily.

“Hug me and I'll remove your eyeballs!”

“Hey if I squeeze you tight enough will you say the catch phrase?” the vampire hugged the enraged doll despite his warning. Chucky went eerily still.

“Fangs if you weren't filled with a murderous fear God’s kids you'd be dead right now” he snarled. Leech laughed at the empty threat and patted her belly.

“Gotta love my little security blankets! I wonder how he's doing.”

“My guess is terribly.” the dream demon chuckled.

“I want to say I have faith in my mate but seeing how they're Chucky's kids...you're probably right.” leech sighed and stretched as they finally walked into town. Chucky straightened himself back out as his feet touched the ground.

“Just an fyi fangs you're paying for the therapy.”

------

“Whys your head so big?”

Pennywise grunted in response. He sat cross legged on the floor in front of two children who stared up at their natural predator with wide eyes. The little boy crawled forward.

“Are you an oni?”

“A what?”

“An oni”

“Kid wants to know if you're a demon junior.” the senior Pennywise shouted.

“I am much more than a simple demon child!” the clown snarled with malice

“Yeah yeah eater of worlds, be nice Jingles or I'll make sure you can't have any more kids” Tiffany growed as she sharpened a knife.

“You cant possibly kill me doll.”

“Wasnt talking about killing you” the dolls mother slammed the blade into the coffee table. The clown's golden eyes grew wide for a moment as Leech's mom gently spoke up.

“Pennywise try a more friendly approach with them!”

“HAHAHAHAH Sally baby I've been telling him that for 200 years. It's like menacing asshole is in his DNA.” his older self cackled nearly falling out of his seat.

“Thanks for making me a hit with the in law.” The younger clown grumbled under his breath.

“Why is your eye messed up?” glenda leaned forward crossing her eyes to imitate the clown who began to growl low as red tinted his irises.

“You're lucky I'm dieting”

“And Fangs is lucky you still have a functioning dick right now.” Tiffany warned as Sally cringed.

“Can we not talk about my daughter like that”

“Yeah uh how much do you know about your daughter dollface” Uncle Penny's fingers wrapped around the witch as he pulled his cigar out of his mouth.

“She takes after her father”

“I'm tempted to ask but I think Jingles is about to have a major breakthrough in positive child interaction”

“Mister Pennywise can I touch your nose?” Glen asked eyes wide

“Uh…” the clown glanced up at his companions who all enthusiastically motioned for him to agree. “All right child.” the clown craned his body close to what he usually considered an appetizer. Glen reached forward his small hand touching first the clowns nose then his cheek running his thumb on the smooth clay like skin.

“Its not paint?”

Penny blinked at the question. “No. It is not.”

“It feels like paint though how are you doing that?”

“I can do many things child.” the corner of the monsters lips tugged up with a ghost of a warm smile. This one wasn't so bad, it asked many questions but he could tolerate it. He could tolerate it till its sister began to speak.

“Can you make a balloon animal?”

“Oh course I can” Pennywise smiled wide and reached behind his back pulling out a giraffe

“Not with your tricks do it for real”

Pennywise stared at the little girl completely motionless. He didn't actually know how to make a balloon animal. His his uncle elbowed what be considered to be his mother-in-law with wicked excitement.

“Well? Can you do it or not?” the child asked impatiently.

“I..”

“Jeeze what kind of clown doesn't know how to make a balloon animal.”

Pennywise lunged forward teeth first “NO! I mean I can. I can do anything, I am all powerful and I can easily entertain two little brats.”

“Yeah right you're boring I can do better tricks than you!” Glenda sneered right back in the predators face.

“Oh boy here we go.” Tiff sighed and handed her son to Leatherface while moving to grab her daughter. “Glenda sweetie leave the clown alone.”

Pennywise glared at the child and snarled “Like what.”

“Like this.” Glenda shouted pulling a small knife from her pocket and stabbed the clown in the eye. Pennywise let out a horrible roar muffling the cackling from his older self as Tiffany dragged her daughter out of the grasp of the rampaging clown.

“I'm not paying for therapy.” she sighed as she dragged her kid out of the room.

---

The four monsters pressed onward into town the rising wind kept the wiser safe in their homes. These four were not among that category. Freddy wiped some frozen ice off his scarred skin and paused outside of the general store after seeing the “closed” sign hanging in the doorway. Up ahead of him Chucky groaned.

“Ugh this trip was pointless we're not gonna find anything open.”

“Then let's break in somewhere Drac can do a hypnosis trick or something.” Leech growled a bit her hunger getting to her as her mentor rolled his eyes.

“You could too if you practiced more.”

“Do you want me to help you get your dick wet or not Dracula.” the younger vampire hissed.

“Are you implying that I need help? My dear you realize I have seduced thousands of women.”

“And yet none of them stuck around.” the dream demon chuckled while elbowing his companions.

Dracula swore loudly in his mother tongue as his companions turned heel down an alley.

“Some of them were murdered!” he called after them then pulled his coat tighter hiding his dark cheeks. Dracula breathed in deep to sigh before proceeding forward when something caught his nose. It was musty, damp and beastial with a hint of the forest. The realization hit him too late….They had been followed.

[amoristt]

Among the Inbetweens | Nathan x Reader

disclaimer: i know nathan is not a good person. i am not putting a blanket over his actions in this fic. i, the writer, understand he’s not an innocent character and has made many terrible choices. im just answering people’s requests, please dont put me under the fire for it.

thank you.

moody-patootie asked: I would please like to request a nathan x reader songfic with the song Findlay by Landon Tewers (angsty perhaps?). If it is possible and interests you of course. I think it fits rather well with nathan since he was so unloved.  sure thing!! i love song requests so much :3 also thanks for recommending me this song, i love it and i now have a new artist to look into :D in this fic i really wanted to explore the ‘bad parts’ of being in a relationship with nathan prescott, namely his breakdowns. in my fics i mostly portray him in his better, more loving lights, so when you suggest angst i realized now would be a perfect time to show his sides that are harder to deal with. thanks for giving me the opportunity <3 hope you like it!

reblogs + tags and replies will make my entire day as i put a lot of effort into this :)!

story continues beneath the read more. let me know if you can’t access it!

Among the Inbetweens

Upon the very instant you walking into his room, unaware of what you were about to throw yourself into, you realized you really should have called Nathan before just barging in.

The tenacity in the air was almost palpable and it set off alarms that rang in your head like bells, warning you of the situation you were about to have to deal with. Nathan, sitting at his desk with his back faced to you, his shoulders squared and his head ducked down to his shoulders. He was angry.

“Nathan?”

He lifted his head, turned and he glared at you from the corners of his eyes. You felt your stomach drop.

Not mad. Pissed.

“What.” He deadpanned, his voice a rumbling hiss, and you debated just turning around and leaving right then and there.

You swallowed and shut his door behind you, shuffling into the room but staying close to the wall. “What’s wrong?”

The course, airy laugh he forced out made you cringe. 

“Same shit every fucking day,” He laughed viciously. “Day in, day out.”

“What happened?”

In an impulsive, fury induced movement, he shoved all the papers off his desk and turned his swivel chair to face you. You jumped at the movement, taking note of his aggression only increasing. His features were stone cold, eyes narrowed and chilling. His phone was gripped almost devastatingly tight in his right hand. This was bad. Very bad.

“What happened?” He asked as though you were dumb. You frowned.

“Yes, what happened?”

He suddenly stood, sending his chair back and hitting his desk, shaking it and tipping over the small jar of pencils he had sitting on top of it. They spilled and rolled over the edge, clattering on the floor.

“What do you think happened?”

Try as you might to not take his words personally, you still knit your brows at his crudeness. He’s just mad, you told yourself. He’s so fucking mad but it’s not at you.

“I’m so fucking-” he gripped his hair and stumbling back. “Sick of it, everything- I don’t even fucking live with them and they still- Ugh!” He kicked some of the pencils that laid near his feet. “I hate it!”

Of course you knew the minute you saw his anger it likely had something to do with his family, but this wasn’t just his normal agressions. He was blind right now, not thinking clearly as he sent another pencil skittering over the floor. You remained silent, unsure of way to say, and you guessed maybe it was best you didn’t say anything at all. Right now was not the time to console him.

A storm was coming and you could see it in his eyes, his stature.

“They don’t care!” He snarled, and you realized he was more venting out his anger to himself rather than saying it directly to you. A pit formed in the center of your stomach as you realized what was to come any second now. He turned his back on you, body trembling with fiery rage. For just a second he looked down at the phone still in his hand, then he store his gaze away, and the next thing that happened you almost didn’t register.

The phone came less than a foot from your head, clashing against the wall with what sounded like a fatal crack. It happened so fast, you’d barely even seen him whip his arm to launch the device, and you flinched seconds after it smashed into pieces. The pieces gathered in a pile on the floor, the phone now absolutely destroyed and covered with it’s own screens shards. The wall sported an inch long hole.

Nathan did not come out of his rage even after you cried out sharply, jerking away from your spot and swearing you had felt some of the glass fling against your arms. If anything he seemed even more tense and furious than before, his bony hands balling and un-balling dangerously. He wanted to swing at something, break something, hurt something and even though he’d never once gone so far as you injure you this time you wondered if it would be a first. There wasn’t one clear thing in his mind right now, it probably all felt like a mush, or maybe static. He wasn’t even close to being in his right mind. Maybe tonight was his breaking point.

With him standing menacingly in the center of the room you made your way along the wall, finding his bed and soundlessly settling yourself on top of it. You tried to make yourself smaller upon it, your legs tucking themselves to your chest. Knowing him and his triggers, you did not look directly at him. Instead you watched from the corners of your eyes, head turned incase he looked up at you so you could quickly turn away and pretend to not see the hate in his eyes.

“Bullshit,” he seethed, and hissing ferocity made you shiver. “It’s all fucking bullshit.”

You wanted to talk to him. You wanted to tell him it was okay to be upset, to be hurt, to hate, but you couldn’t. Surely if you dared to speak up to him directly right now he’d yell at you, and then you’d end feeling hurt and that wouldn’t help anyone. Right now Nathan needed silence. He needed space and solitude. He could get none of these things.

So much was gathering up inside of him, like a pit of snakes or something far worse. They coiled and writhed inside of him, made their way up to his heart and choked the life out whatever was left of it, and he was left facing the consequence of having your entire chest busted and tied. Without an outlet all of it manifested at the very base of his throat, behind his eyes, in the palms of his shaking fists that would do anything for a face to target. You’d never seen him this way, with such a spark that made you feel like everything around you was suddenly so flammable, you included. You stared at him like you imaged a rabbit would stare at a fox: terrified and frozen with apprehensive tension. At any moment you felt like he’d lunge at you, but he didn’t, and it only made the trepidation grow within you until you almost imaged him making his move.

Only, it wasn’t your imagination.

He did make his move, but you were not the paper he lit on fire. Instead it was he himself, his fingers tracing their way down his face, nails biting into his pale skin and dragging along the way. A sharp painful cry left his lips but you felt as though the agony wasn’t from the physical wounds he was dealing onto himself. When he was done with his first path he did it again, harder this time, eyes squeezed shut and his mouth a tight grimace. Without even thinking you sprang into action and made a move for his hands, gripping tight to his skinny wrists and all too easily prying them from his marked up face. At the sudden contact he tried to yank away but you held fast, tugging him with you as you took a step back to try and keep himself from trying again.

“Stop!” You begged, heart leaping and your breath billowing in your throat. He was still trying to rip away from you, stumbling backwards and jerking back his elbows. When he looked up at you, you did not recognize even a single part of those eyes. He was more akin to a wild animal, frightened and frantic, than he was human. His eyes were dark and afraid, and at that moment they were afraid of you.

You felt like you were wrestling with him but you didn’t give in, holding fast and unwavering even as he started giving into it. His will was draining now, that fury that had once been eating him alive beginning to combust inside of him. The compressions of his heart and chest started to loosen and you hoped he felt like he could breathe again.

“Nathan,” try as you might to reach him, he still limply tried to pull away from you. His actions were half hearted and tired but still consistent, so you didn’t lighten your grip until the last of his anguished tugs were replaced with tortured breaths. You carefully led him to the bed where you had been sitting, and although he was sluggish and lagged behind your movements, he still followed you and did not fight when you urged him to sit down beside you.

Countless marks ran down his face, angry and red. The nails on his shaking hands were short but apparently dangerous, able to work as claws if he was enraged enough. Luckily they weren’t sharp or uneven enough to draw any blood but the marks were still very radiant, running down from his brows, over his eyelids, to his sharp cheekbones like a ugly streamers. His split lip still bled from how hard his teeth had sank into the flesh, and his tongue still darted out to subconsciously try and soothe the stinging.

At least he was letting you touch him. Even if his state of breaking, all his walls starting to crumble down and crush him, he was allowing you the grace of sitting next to him and silently offering whatever support you could. There was so many words swimming in your head, so much you wanted to say that you could almost physically feel it bubbling up in your chest, threatening to burst at any moment.

Nathan, leaning forward with his face in his hands, was both silent and deafening. No longer did his shoulders tense up, fists ready to crack on any surface they could find. He was quiet and still, but there was also a part of him that roared like thunder. His cries.

They were soft, barely noticeable unless you were to see his state, but to you they were all you could hear. Loud, unforgiving, piercing. Your chest ached with every angry sob, every harsh intake of his uneven breaths. Before you had been afraid he was too far gone during his act of rage but it always came back down to this, both soundless yet thunderous. He was the calm of his own storm, and he was a rain that licked away it’s wounds afterwards. He was both the ferocious river, dragging everything along with it, and the gentle trickle that followed close behind.

Your hand met the expensive fabric of his jacket and he didn’t respond, so you let it wander past his shoulder to his upper back. Up, down, gently rubbing over his clothed skin. Not only was the repetitive movements hopefully helping him, but they were also helping you. You timed your breathing to the movements, your thudding heart starting to come down from your previous fears. You should have known it would come down to this. Nathan could be the scariest person you’d ever met, but even he got tired eventually. The only thing that presented a problem afterwards was everything bounding in your head, from the things he’d blindly said to you to the things he’d blindly thrown at you. His phone still laid demolished on the floor a few feet away, that new crack in the wall taunting you.

“Nathan,” you whispered, and he didn’t answer. “Nathan?”

He still didn’t answer. His muffled sobs continued on, adding weight after weight to your chest and making your own eyes sting. You gently scratched against the top of his jacket before rubbing in small circles.

“Can you hear me?”

Thankfully Nathan did seem to be able to hear you. He nodded and then sniffed, then let his hands fall limply to his lap. The sight of his face, still littered with claw marks but now glistening with tears, made you have to look away for a minute.

Now that you had his attention your mouth ran dry, unsure of what to say next. You’d wanted his attention to make sure he was lucid in some ways, but now that he was waiting for you to say something you had no idea what you could possibly tell him to make this situation any more bearable. Actually, you didn’t even know the situation, how could you possibly help him?

Still though, his eyes reached yours, longing and expectant. He wanted you to say something, anything. As always it made you wonder how someone as mountainous as Nathan could appear so small at times, like a small child asking you for help; needy, afraid. The worst possible thing you could do right now was not say anything, so you wracked your brain for literally anything to say.

“Are you okay?” You’d blurted, and the second those words left your mouth you wanted to smack it. ‘Are you okay?’ The question was so painfully obvious, so ludicrous and dense, but he went on to answer it anyways, looking down at his lap.

“No.”

His voice was much… Softer than you’d anticipated. Then it struck you that no, his voice did not sound soft, it sounded broken. Soft was kind and gentle, warm to the ears and touch, but his was none of those things. His answer was blunt and simple, cold, and raw with scratches on his throat. The walls that which buried him had yet to disappear, so instead of fighting them he gave in. Nathan was tired, exhausted from his previous outburst that he’d likely be replaying in his head for the rest of the week. Every little thing would set him off in the worst ways.

Your hand found it’s way to his lower back, but this time he tensed beneath your palm, so you slid it right back up to the spot he’d been compliant with. “Is there anything I can do?” Once again your words felt dumb. After what you’d seen simple minded questions were likely the last thing you should be asking him about. But, you didn’t want to ask him what had happened. Of course you were curious but you didn’t want to trigger him into another melt down, especially not when he was already so jaded and worn out.

For a moment he looked at you, turning his head just enough to get his peak before once again covering his face and shaking his head. “No.” He mumbled, and you frowned in defeat. There wasn’t anything you could truly do for him other than stay at his side, offer some sort of grounding and peace for him to come back to when he’s released with his post-meltdown exhaustion.

“You should go.”

At first words didn’t register with you. You blinked at him a few times, processing, understanding, until you finally realized what he had said. “What?” you asked softly, leaning forward and trying to get a look into his eyes past his shielding hands. Never once had he asked you to leave him during a time like this. Usually it was the opposite, him calling for your aid during even his worst times of needs, but this time he didn’t want you to be there with him.

Once again he let his hands fall to his knees, his fingers toying with the fabric of his jeans. “You should go.” He repeated himself and didn’t meet your gaze, staring straight down. Your throat felt like it had been punched.

“Are you sure?” You asked.

“Yeah.” He answered.

You hated the way it made you feel. It made you feel an entire combination of things, but the most prevalent were useless and… Hurt. He didn’t want you to be around him, and though part of you understood it was because he was likely tired and wanted isolation, you still couldn’t help but take that blow to your ego.

Still, you nodded aimlessly, and swallowed down the rock forming at the center of your throat.

“Okay.” Your voice wavered and you knew he heard it with how he squeezed his eyes shut, almost in pain at hearing the sound.

As you got up, feeling like an animal with it’s tail in between it’s legs, you gazed down at him and took in the sight. Him just sitting there in silence, his entire body still slumped but not of relaxation, his face stinging with self inflicted scratches and his eyes still full of humiliating tears. There wasn’t a single thing you could do for him, and you finally understood what years of this had been doing to Nathan. In this moment you could see everything on him: the years of abuse, the pressure, the way he felt so unloved. The childhood trauma. Though you knew he beared these scars and marks you’d never seen them until this point, and it left you breathless. You so desperately wanted to stay, but you knew he wouldn’t let you even if you begged.

Nathan seemed to have read your mind. “I’ll call you.” was all he offered, a subtle way of telling you it was time to leave. You nodded again and thanked him softly, though you didn’t know exactly what you were thanking him for. Turning your back and leaving him felt entire levels of wrong but you did so anyways, and as you opened his dorm door you caught sight of that damn phone again and for some reason that was the one thing that finally let your tears take shape and leave a burning trail down your cheek. You shut the door softly behind you as you left and leaned against it on the other side, holding your sobs in with the palm of your hand.

The entire way home those tears still rolled down your face, from the moment you stepped out of the dorm room to the instant you stepped back into your own. They felt like scratch marks of their own and thankfully you didn’t run into anyone. All you wanted to do, you found, was lay down and sleep. You were tired too, and welcomed your mattress with a loud thud. Silence took it’s place and hung uneasily heavy over your room, cloaked your mind and body with fog.

You didn’t want to move from your place. You didn’t even want to roll over, not having the energy to even breathe evenly it seemed. With a whole lot of urging you managed to force yourself onto your back, staring up at your ceiling through blurry eyes. Things like this had happened so many times before, you’d think you’d have gotten used to it, but this time it felt… Different. You felt so unnaturally lonely.

Roughly you wiped at your eyes and sniffed, laying there on top of your blankets and pillows, wondering about Nathan as usual. After you’d left, what did he do? Did he cry, have another fit, break more things in his room? Or, worst of all, did he do nothing?

You felt selfish to be hurt at the idea of him doing nothing when you left, but you couldn’t help it. Something about the way he sounded, the way he looked at you, felt entirely new and you didn’t like it. His expression didn’t have any substance, his eyes almost entirely empty towards you. Perhaps tonight was his breaking point, but not nearly in the way that you had imagined it would be.

Sitting at your side your phone sat like a brick, unalerting and silent. ‘I’ll call you’, he’d said, but there wasn’t a thing in his voice that led you to believe he actually would.

The entire night felt strange and alien. It felt wrong, like it shouldn’t have happened, or should have happened a different way. You wondered what it was you could have done to change things even though it meant nothing now that it had all happened. You couldn’t go back in time, you couldn’t change the course of your actions, what little ones you had done.

Your ceiling, white and simple, served as a holder for your eyes to unfocus on. Though tired, anxious, and hurt, you just sat there in silence and waited to hear that obvious and obtrusive ringtone of yours. You waited until you finally fell asleep, eyes heavy with tears and uncertainty.

Your phone still sat beside you the entire night.

There was nothing.

[thedappleddragon]

exit 83 bootleg live reactions

because i already did it with the australian one

yaaaaay

good job jeremy actor

i wish i could see tho

aw the way his voice got soft when hesaid hero :D

also this is already a bop

wow rich wrote that really fast apperantly

a TINY nitpick (just because im used to the origional cast studio recording) jeremys actor could put in a touch more emotion. he’s not bad at all!!!! he’s good. just sayin

i wanna seeeeee

i take back me earlier comment about more emotion he’s great wow

holt sHIT when the croud screamed for michael?? honestly same

omg yayy we can see the set design! nice

i miss the scream before “im lstenin to marley”

awww my heart <3 he sounded so sympathetic with “how was class u look like ass whats wrong” he’s so sweet

boyf riends

“i hate this school” omg such an angry bab i love it

omg i love christine and her outfit is SO CUTE YES BITCH LONG SOCKS

whoever’s filming? same

oh my god my poor hEART HE’S SO SAD I LOVE IT

HOLY SHIT HE’S SO LONELY AND SAD I FEEL TERRIBLE

u can realy feel how alone he feels. just him singing and the soft piano and he blue lighting and noone on stage close to him? HOLY SHIT

HE’S SO PITIFUL I CANT HELP IT

o love how everyone slowly starts to dance again by first just kind of bouncing and then they turn around one by one? god i love whoever directed/choreographed this

oh he’s so nervous 

my bean <333

CHRISTIIIIINNEEEEE GOD I LOVE EVERY ITERATION OF HER 

im smiling like a doofus i love her and i cant get over how much i love her OUTFIT SHES SO CUTE

shes so bouncy and cute <333 god my weak gay heart

HOLY FUCK

there’s also a part of me that wants to do this

OBLOBLOBLBOBLBOBOBLBOBLO

I WAS NOT FUVKING PREPARED 

I WAS EXPECTING THE SCREAM

AND THE SHE SAYS “so i did it” SO MATTER-OF-FACT-LY 

GOD I LOVE HER

 “aw” honestly same

aw shes so cutesquirming in her chair from exitment

i stg i must hae ghostfilmed this because SAME

“our funds will be diverted to the frisby golf team” “YES” “omg jake”

ME

i feel like jake’s dialogue was kind of monotone and didnt have enough pauses

n the bathroom dialogue was kind of awkward with its pacing, but then again it could have been because of the audience talking. idk

SOAR BI

ITS FROM JAPAAAAAAN

but really rich’s actor is really good from what i can hear

AAAAA 2 PLAYER GAME honestly im not even mad that i cant see they sound amazing

the scamming realization is different but thats not a bad thing

i love michael

and i kind of like that they didnt lunge at every trumpet blare 

FUCKING HELL GOD DAMMI SHIT FUCK DAMN HOLY HELL WHY IIS MY SWEET BABY MICHAEL MELL DABBING MAKE IT STOP FUCKING SHIT LOL

LIKE ITS FUNNY IF HES DOING IRONICLY TO PISS OFF JEREMY (and that seems like a very michael thing to do) BUT ASDFGHJKKLQWEHRDFJGHVB

i am both enraged and laughing my ass off

also shit michael’s actor has a very nice lower vocal range

the legendary fall into the beanbags! yes!

oh my god theyre both such dorks <3

ok i couldnt see that well but apperantly the extras cleaning up the set were dressed as video game characters and omg? that’s genius 

um what’s going on with the drug dealer’s voice? are there 2 of them? is that their squip? i am confusion 

thats what makes it so... AWESOME 

aw... i really wanted to see the squip activate... or at least hear it... :(

HOLY SHIT THE SQUIP IS SUCH A GOOD SINGER

JEREMY asdfghjkl you’re so extra

i love how extra everyone is in this musical its gREAT

are they using a live band for the music? because the trumpet just fucked up

the squip is so EXTRA i wanna see himmmmm

also i just remembered the theory about hiw the trumper blare and the cutoff of the regge time beat was to simulate optic nerve blocking being turned on and it made me sad

but then i was unsad because i remebered how much of a fuckin BOP this whole musical is!!!

lol sarcastic play rehersal is great

in the “from a guy that id never be into” song (sorry i dont know the name) christine sounds less infatuated and more powerful. not sure i like it

lol jeremy’s crying lmao

its kind of funny how they solved the problem of not being able to portray that they were behind the school other than bird chirps and her blatently saying so

lol squip gay “just take me inside you”

oooOOOOOoooo rolling around on the floor? thats new

“extra circular activity” also its cute how he couldn hit that high note

WHY DOES JAKE SOUND LIKE FUCKING KERMIT THE FROG

I AM GOING TO KERMIT

AA I LOVE seeing michael so exited my good baby

wow really good lighting effects

“oh...” same 

“OH MY GOD” same just let me SEE

“i- ag- i drew it right!” lol holy shit

haha its funny watching the squip suffer

ooooooOOOOO THEYRE ROLLING OUT THE BATHTUB IM NOT REAY FOR ALL OF THESE EMOTIONS

that scream

the whole croud is ME aw-ing for michael

ok so u know how i like trans michael (what no im not stalling) what if trans michael is sitting in the bathroom and actually was on his peiod. oof

no imnot crying youre crying TT-TT

omg i completely forgot about all oft the siagogue between MITB and RSAFABDTH

wow all of the dancing in this is great

the squip is such a badass

also i jus noticed this is the first time he came down from his tower thing

OOOH and i assume all of the black figures resemble all of the squips he’s about to unleash upon the school? nice

i live for the squip’s “beep bop boop”s

seriously the squip is such a good villian 

i never really liked the pants song, but its not that bad

AAAAA I LOVE HOW THEY OPENED THE MIDSUMMER NIGHT WITH ZOMBIES thats so cute and cool

AWW Christine sounded do heartbroken :,( “what’s wrong with me now?” NOTHING SWEETIE I LOVE U <333

HOLY SHIT THIS IS SUPER GOOD

watching everyone get squipped is so much fun wow

“IIIIII NNNEEEEEEEEED MMOUUNTAIIIIINNN DEEEEEWWW REEEEEEEEEEED!!!!” lol oy cracks me up every time

MICHAEL MAKES AN ENTRANCE 

“give it to me!” “hey, wait! ......................no” “... but i need it D:>” holy shit i cant breathe

i dont think ive ever seen this banter n the middle of the play and im shitting myself laughing

*person filming is zooming in on michael and jeremy cuddling* me: big mood

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOH FUCK” BITCH IF THAT AINT ME

AAA THE SQUIPS DEATH WAS SO MUCH MORE DRAMATIC THAN I COULD HAVE EVER HOPED FOR HOLY SHIT

The girl filming while the squip dies: “no, not my daddy”

RICH MY LISPY BOY

im in awe

they’re all just bouncing up and down this is so cute

i always forget exactly how much i love this mudical but then i watch a booyleg and im sucked right back into bmc hell <3

awe man did u have to cut off right before the final note?

[strawberryspeachy]

I wonder if im about to get fired again

Last year i got fired because a teacher who acted like he wanted to be my friend hated when I reciprocated that want.

Ive worked with about 55 other teachers since him and none of them

Ask about my weekend every week. Ask about my friends. Ask about my personal life. Stare at me in the office. Lean over me and touch me. Come look through my folder that im holding to just point out the paper im looking for (they just offer me a new one if they think i dont have it)

But. I was totally stalking him. And got fired.

Now im working at 2 schools

One with 4/5 horrible teachers

The other with 4/5 wonderful teachers

At the horrible teacher school one has been (and i dont say this about people often. Actually ever. I assume ppl hate me... but this woman has bee - well)

K so i made a newsletter for the schools. The good school put it out for the students and that was that. The bad school told me i could distribute it. So i asked this teacher where

She took me into the hallway and showed me a board. She told me to put the papers on those walls. And then she gave me pins. So i did.

Then she told my company i put papers up without permission

Ive worn the same clothes to all 7 schools ive worked at plus two camps. Never got a complaint. Until now. She complained about my skirt and socks

She said in a fly away statement when i started that because were teachers we cant travel because of corona and must stay home - it irriated me because i clearly understood that she was telling me that i need to stay home when im not working. Fuck that! But i just agreed with her. Her first question after my summer break was “you had a long vacation, did you go anywhere”

She asked in a happy voice - pretending that was wanted to hear about something exciting. But. Bitch i have a good memory. I told her i mostly stayed home and only went to a nearby town.

K so like. Thing is. She knows im probably lying (cause im young and not from this country. No one would stay home for a month) so the way she responded was kinda pissed off that she cant prove me wrong or report me or anything - then in the middle of class she asked about my housemates

1) i have no control over them

2) your first question was already invasive and this is stupid

3) youve asked me a question that i cant answer correctly. If i say i dont know youll say i might have corona because my housemates probably brought it home. If i say they went out - same thing. If i say they stayed home - another obvious lie. I told her that they are all students and had class so I think they were home. Again. She was annoyed by this answer

She constantly makes side remarks about “foregners”

She wont translate the questions that students ask her to ask me - and when i understand them and answer she acts flustered and annoyed

Shes bad at english and writes shit incorrectly - gives it to me to cold read - then gets mad when i trip over shit thats written incorrectly

She changed the song early last month because I liked it

She talks to me like im a clown hindering the class - walking over and telling me (a person standing quietly waiting for instruction) that now the students must study - the way a parent would tell a 7 year old not to bother the sleeping dog.

I TRIED to have a normal conversation with her because she seemed to be trying and i felt bad. She said it was hot and cold off and on and told me what temperature it would he the next day in celcius. I just said oh. And felt the tention. So i tried to ease it by chuckling and telling her “sorry. You know how america uses Fahrenheit? I dont really understand celcius.” She immediately —- wait hold on

This school makes us write down our temperature in the morning as though that does ANYTHING to stop corona - they dont even check - she harrassed me upon walking in the door to WRITE DOWN MY TEMPERATURE

—- k so no. No easy conversation. She immediately got serious and went how do you understand celcius for your body temperate then??? I told her i convert it.

A couple periods late she inturrupted another teacher talking to me about class and stopped me from going to class to ask me ‘if you dont know celcius how do you write your temperature down in the morning?!?’’ I told her i have a japanese thermometer and just write down what it says. Then she tried to play if off and chuckled like - oh ha i was just wondering. Whats the difference (her face was like enraged before that btw) she asked what the average temperature in Fahrenheit is and i quickly spit out 98.6 while grabbing my book to leave for the class i was now running late for

Shes full on feuding with a boy who “CANT SPEAK JAPANESE” and is “NOT JAPANESE” she tried not to bitch but also bitch about him to me - through this i learned that his mom is Australian. He was born in Japan. Also if her english didnt suck so much she would know that hes not fluent in english

She like the other teachers ask me questions that they dont want answers to. And sometimes is not even just - i wanna write this sentence wrong - does it make sense

No. It doesnt (correct answer- anything you write is correct. Dont worry. Dont ask me. Your perfect)

A couple weeks ago she told me that the song the other teacher chose is a japanese song that was translated into english. She asked it its gramattically correct. I told her that songs dont need to be grammatically correct so its fine. Then she asked me if it makes sense. I told her that its a bit vague but its fine.

She didnt know what vague meant. She asked me to write it down so she could look it up later. Not sure how she took that as an insult but Im sure she did.

And the song is vague. Id figured out that it was a song that was either written for a weird tv show or translated from something else before she even told me

Shes always late for class. She doesnt even leave for class until the bell rings. If she walks in and i was talking with the students - she looks highly uncomfortable - so ive stopped talking to them before she arrives

She wont let them ask me questions. Only her (these past two points go for the other crappy teachers too)

She cant make up her mind whether she wants me to say hello first or her. She cant make up her mind on what she wants me to read or whether she wants me to stop at commas or read full paragraphs or what - and she gets annoyed when i cant read her mind avout it —the others do this too

She reads sentences she wrote (incorrectly) out loud even more wrong - but apparently (going from her face) even though she doesnt know the word for fucking SENTENCES - and calls them “englishes” she heard me add the s to a word that should have been plural but she wrote as singular. She never says the fucking plurals or adds them where they shouldnt - but of course she heard my quick slip of adding an s onto a fucking word

- which really just shows thats she pays way more attention trying to find me doing something wrong than literally ANYTHING ELSE she does

Theres more. Im tired. And so very stressed. Tomorrow i have a meeting after school which i told my company rhat if they want my time they should pay me for it and told them theyre welcome to come to my schools (the one i like and normally can he stress free and get home early from) station

They made up bs as to why they can pay others but not me but did say theyre gonna come to the station

Last tome with the fucking “hanging stuff up without permission” i was of couse told i was in the wrong (BECAUSE JAPANESE CAN DO NO WRONG) and forced to say that i need to communicate better 3 times

Howd i start this? Watch me get fired? Yea i was fired on like the 23rd last year. Watch me get fucking fired again - for again. One racist ass peice of shit teacher

“Well you just gotta suck it up and accept where you are on the food chain” k look. Do you know how much easier and less stressed id be if i was able to do that?! I just. CANT ok. I refuse to think that i am less of a person than any other person. People can treat me that wat and do all they want. But i refuse to think that i am lesser. I am a person. And if i have to respect them they should respect me. Its a reciprocal fucking thing i cant fucking kiss ass

I lived in a house with a woman who wanted me to kiss her ass - and i basically chose not to be treated like a dormat and pike she was my lord. And thus got mentally and emptionally abused for 24 years.

I cant fucking kiss ass. I can be polite. But i cant kiss fucking ass dude. I just cant

[reprisedpiece]

Theatre Nerd

Pairing: Connor Murphy x Broadway!Reader

Warning: curse words (as usual) 

Request: “do a broadwaystar!reader where Connor have a celeb crush on her and somehow they’re dating”

Word Count: 2074

Note: idrk where the plot of deh is set?? i dont think it was ever mentioned but idk. just pretend deh was set in new york. i dont really know but hey i love theatre nerd connor let’s focus on that 

MASTERLIST

If people had to give three words to associate Connor Murphy with, it would be the following – weird, freak, weed. That was how people saw Connor. He has always been confined within the bounds of those three words ever since high school started.

But what they didn’t know about Connor Murphy, the world-class freak from who allegedly threw a printer at a teacher, was a huge theatre fan.

Everyone saw him in the same outfit. It was always the same thing. Black jacket, black jeans, black combat boots, and black earphones. 

Teachers and students always assumed that he was listening to metal songs. Some students even thought that he was listening to all sorts of Satanic songs. All because that’s how they stereotyped him.

Well, they were all wrong. In reality, Connor was simply listening to different Broadway recordings. Sure, he listened to other kinds of songs but Broadway recordings have always been his favorite.

No one would expect a boy like him to listen to such genre, let alone smoke weed to Sante Fe from Newsies when he felt sad.

What’s even more shocking was that he was dating you, a renowned Broadway star since birth.

Actually, he wasn’t even sure if he should classify what the two of you had as “dating”. He didn’t know if you see him the same way he sees you, which is full of adoration. All he knew for sure was that he had a massive crush on you.

Sure, you’ve shared a kiss or two. You also have kissed him on the cheek whenever he was feeling too enraged with his father. But the two of you haven’t explicitly told each other how you felt for one another.

Despite not knowing the label for your relationship, you were definitely very close friends. 

The two of you met when you were still part of the ensemble for Hamilton. You were standing on the side during a Ham4Ham show when someone bumped your shoulder.

“Fuck, sorry. Some asshole is forcing his way in front and it’s annoying.” He apologized, mumbling the last part to himself.

You smiled. “No worries,” You looked at the tall boy beside you. You giggled at the sight of a tall boy with black-painted nails and a leather jacket standing amidst a crowd. “So, are you watching the show?”

“My sister is. Her annoying friends invited her.” He responded, taking sneaky glances at your direction.

You didn’t think he knew you but you were wrong. Connor had admired you since before your chance encounter. Of course, you didn’t know that. If he was forced to name a famous or celebrity crush, he’d say your name in a heartbeat.

“Oh, I see. You should come see it. It’s pretty amazing.”

He cracked a small grin. “I’m sure it is.”

It started there. It was no denying that the two of you are incredibly close.

And by close, that included a Connor Murphy lying down on your bed.

Despite knowing each other for a year now, you didn’t know much about him. He knew all kinds of stories about you but he still remained to be a very closed person. You didn’t want to pry too much as you didn’t want him to be upset.

So here you were. You still remained clueless on his love for you for Broadway.

That all ended today.

He was softly singing “Four Jews in a Room Bitching” from Falsettos. You were in the bathroom, taking a shower and oblivious to what was happening in your room.

Connor has been listening to the album for a week now. He enjoyed the kind of humor that was observed in the musical.

He was staring at the glow-in-the-dark stars that you stuck up your ceiling from before as he continued.

“Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, all the time.” He sang, his fingers tapping on his beat to the rhythm of the song. 

“Oooh, whadda they do for love?” You suddenly singing back. Connor immediately shut his mouth, snapping his head towards your direction. 

 You got out of the shower, still drying your hair with a towel. He stared at you with awe as he saw you walk out with your baggy “Annie” merchandise shirt and some shorts. He still couldn’t believe he got to meet someone like you, a person whose personality didn’t exactly match his own.

“I didn’t know you knew Falsettos,” You giggled, plopping down beside him. “Are you a closeted musical nerd?” 

 Connor grew defensive. “Fuck, no. Why would I?” He scoffed, standing up and leaving you alone on your bed.

“Uhm, you’re in a room of a Broadway performer?” You pointed out, laughing quietly.

He glared at you. “Tell me, please.” You begged, pouting your lips a bit for the puppy-dog eye effect. That made Connor’s knees weak.

“Okay, maybe I am.” He sat back down in defeat. “But don’t you fucking dare tell Zoe. She’s never going to let that shit down.” He grumbled.

“I would never!” You acted with fake shock, pushing your own hand against your chest. “I say we put your musical knowledge to the test.”

He groaned. “C'mon! Just to really know how big of a nerd you are.” You say, punching his shoulder lightly.

He began leaning back, attempting to lie back down on the bed. He was expecting to feel the soft bedsheets but instead, his head hit the edge of your knee. He mumbled an apology, trying to scoot down. Instead, you got a hold of his head and softly pulled him towards you so he can prop his head on your lap.

Connor scooted up to do just that, blushing a bit. “Fine. But you owe me.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever you want.” You said quickly. “I’ll sing a song and you can sing the next part!”

“What the fuck, no. This is not ‘American Idol’ and you’re not Ryan Seacrest. You didn’t say anything about singing,” He tried getting up before pushing him back onto your lap. 

“Jeez, fine. Just give me the title then.” 

“Argh, okay. Let’s get this over with.” You said, running your fingers through his locks.

“Let’s start with easy ones.” He simply hummed in response. 

“Whenever I see someone less fortunate than I, and let’s face it, who isn’t? Less fortunate than I. My tender heart tends to start to bleed. And when someone needs-” 

Connor mumbled a response. 

“What was that?” You asked, leaning the side of your head towards him so you can hear him. It took a lot for Connor to not kiss your cheek right then and there.

“It’s Popular from Wicked, right?” He said, letting his lips ghost over your cheek. You only hoped for him to kiss you there.

“Ding, ding ding! Okay, how about this?“ You sat up straight. ”One day more. Another day, another destiny.” You sang, channeling your inner Valjean. 

His eyebrows furrowed. “You literally just said the title, Y/N. It’s One Day More. Damn, that was easy.” You let one of your hands move to his face, pinching his nose. 

“Ouch!” He exclaimed, removing your hand from his face. 

“Alright, I’ll make it harder.” 

Still holding your hand, he couldn’t help but press a kiss onto your knuckles. “Sure, whatever.” You let a grin spread on your face. 

“Pop, Six, Squish, Uh-Uh, Cicero, Lipschitz! He had it coming, he had it coming, he only had himself to bl-” You sang, each word rolling off your tongue with ease.

“It’s the Cell Block Tango.” Your eyes widened because you didn’t expect him to know such song. 

When he saw your stare, he let go of your hand and his eyes widened. “I mean, I think so? That’s just a guess.” 

“Mhmm, sure.” You hummed, braiding Connor’s hair.

He started chipping off some of the black polish on his nails. “Are we done?”

“Definitely not! Next song.“ You looked up, trying to think of another song.

"I got it! You gotta buy her rose, compliment her on her clothes. Say you appreciate that she’s smart. Nah man, you tell her that she excites you sexually. And that’s the way you get to her heart.”

 “Voices in My Head?” He slowly crept his hand towards his hair, nudging it against one of your own.

You interlocked your fingers together. “You are impressing me, Connor. Okay, how about this? Meet me halfway. A touch and go of don’t know what to say, do we talk? Don’t expect too much, just walk.”

“Obviously it’s the one from Dogfight? First Date slash Last Night. Everyone knows that.” He answers. 

“Actually, not everyone knows that.”

“Really? I though they did. It’s a wonderful song.” He mumbled to himself.

“Last one. Have no fear! You know we got your back from way back.” You sang loudly as that was probably one of your favorite songs. 

 You were surprised to hear Connor unconsciously sing the next part. “Brooklyn’s here! We’ll get your pay back and some payback.”

It was quiet but you definitely heard it.

Your jaw dropped. “Oh my god, I’m dating a theatre nerd.” You confirmed.

Connor suddenly sat up. “Dating?” Your eyes widened. 

“I mean, I kind of thought we were. If we aren’t, that’s totally okay. I just-” You started rambling, waving your hands around in front of you as you tried to take back what you said.

"Shut up,” He spoke, making you silence yourself. “You’re starting to act like Evan for fuck’s sake.”

You tilted your head in confusion. “Evan who?”

“Doesn’t matter.” He squeezed your hand. “I like the idea of us dating. I’ve already liked you for a long ass time.” He mumbled the last part to himself. 

“You did?” You exclaimed a bit too excitedly as you caught what he said. “Since when?”

He blushed. “From one of your performances.”

“Which one?”

He groaned. “Do I really have to tell y-”

“Was it from Spring Awakening?” You cut him off.

“No.”

“What is when I was an ensemble for Hamilton?”

“Not exactly.”

You sighed in defeat. “Well, where then? Because those are the musicals I know you have watched, the ones where Cynthia dragged you to.“

You leaned against Connor’s shoulder, feeling him tense up at first before relaxing. "Unless, you know, you’ve watched Annie and never told me. ” You continued, pointing at your shirt. 

You were expecting a snarky remark from Connor but he just stayed silent.

You felt your mouth curl into a smile. “You did not.”

"Shut up.”

“From there?” You giggled.

“Shut the fuck up, Y/N.”

“You really liked me since I played Annie?”  You spoke, chucking as you do.

He turned his body away from you. “I’m sorry if a little kid like me watched and actually liked the show.’ He spoke loudly, taking your laughter the wrong way. “I’ll go, okay. Fuck, I have to pick up Zoe anyways-”

“Connor, relax! I find it sweet,” You grabbed his shoulder before he stood up, facing him towards you. “I just couldn’t believe you waited for so long.” 

He held your hand once more. “I couldn’t believe you would date a freak like me. Have you even heard what people say about me in school?”

You shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. I don’t give a damn about that. I care about this,” You said with a gentle voice, looking at your intertwined hands.

“I care about you.”

Looking down on his feet, he spoke. “You wouldn’t leave me for some handsome broadway guy? Someone less messed up?”

“Of course, not. I would never pass up the chance to be with the one and only Connor Murphy!” You answer, kissing the corner of his mouth.

He bit his lower lip yet a smile still managed to form on his face. “You’re cheesy as hell.”

“I am. But hey, let’s talk about how you sang that line from Newsies.“ You started.

“No.”

You stared at him, wiggling your eyebrows. “You’re a big fan, aren’t you?”

He scoffed. “No.”

“No, my ass. I bet Tommy Bracco is your goddamn idol.”

He stared at you. “Don’t get me started.”

[starpiper3]

The Beginning of the End

She slammed the door open, he slammed it shut.

“Are you stupid Angela?” Jack shouted at her.

“Don’t talk to me like that!” she snapped, “Overwatch took me in because they needed someone smart like me! I don’t know why they decided to take an arrogant prick like you!”

“Oh, so I’m the arrogant prick now?!” He yelled in her face.

“I don’t know what the hell else you'd be!” 

The screaming continued.

They had been working on their relationship for weeks, months, now. And yet, the events that had happened earlier in the day had finally gotten to them both.

“You just had to go out there and be the center of attention! You just had to go out in the middle of fucking chaos!”

“Well what did you want me to do hu? Let everyone I know and love die?!”

“I gave you an order! And you disobeyed me!”

“Well I’m sorry that disobeying you saved everyones life! So I am sooo sorry that not everyone on the team is like me and have nanobot technology in their veins!”

He was about ready to throw her against the wall and cuss her out for all the things she did today, then again, with her strength, she was just about ready to do the same. The mission the team had gone on earlier in the day did not end the way it was supposed to. More innocent people died because of their actions and it was up to Angela in the end to revive all of the fallen members, unintentionally reviving the enemy as well. Of course, she still had to work on the technology of her healing beam, radius of healing and the number, as well as the kind of people she healed, but it was all worth it in at the very end of the days mission. 

After the mission, Jack was furious with Angela, yet never spoke a word to her. At the end of the work day, the party began, and just like any other Friday, the alcohol was brought out by no other than McCree. The underground lounge was opened up by D.Va, whom wanted to dance the rest of her night away, while Zarya opened up the bar as her way of celebrating her victory in raising her status in the rankings. 

It was supposed to be a fun night.

Supposed to be.

The minuet the tense couple entered the lounge, as they were already late, the fake smiles plastered their faces. They walked together to the bar, the stunt Angela had pulled earlier was still put on hold by Jack. Once they sat down, the drinking began, and the mistakes had started. 

Jack, drinking away what composure he still had, noticed someone on the dance floor that wasn't supposed to be doing what she was doing. Hair let loose, top pulled up. Granted, she was much younger than him (though age didn't get in their way) she was allowed to act the way she was acting, only she was acting as if she was single.

Of course, this wouldn't have been a problem had they not both accused each other of cheating. Angela being called out for being with Gabriel, Hanzo and Genji, while Jack was being called out for being with Ana, Mei and D.Va (both of which didn't know were very very false). Though flirting had been very heavily practiced in the HQ for a number of week, neither of them were cheating on each other. 

She knew what she was doing on the dance floor and she wanted him to be watching his buzzed girlfriend get touched by another man. She wanted him to be jealous and lay the rules down for her. Yet not knowing that he was still pissed at her for the stunt she pulled earlier that day, made her actions around Genji even more dangerous for her. What should've been a playful tug of war tuned into a night mare for her. As seeing Genji’s hand slowly crawl up Angela’s sides drove Jack mad. He had a small part of him left that was still sober, but his common sense was gone for good. 

The moment he knocked Genji clear off the dance floor, the partying stopped. An enraged Jack ended the fun and sent everyone back to their rooms, cutting the night severely short.

“And you,” he growled at Angela, “you and I are having a talk.”

“As if,” she snapped and started to walk away.

Which eventually lead to them arguing in her room.

“I dont want everyone to be like you! I don't want anyone be like you!”

“Why not?! It would save you the hassle of beating me down wouldn’t it!?”

“Beating you down? You think I’m beating you down?! Angela, I don't want anyone to be like you because that’s what makes you different!”

“So what if I am different, theres plenty more women for you to go to! I still don't understand why you have to beat me down and control me! Like I’m some little dressed up doll!”

“I do these things to keep you safe! I don't want to have to come back to the team to let them know that one of their best medics died during a mission!”

“You don't think I can keep myself safe!? I know what I was putting on the line when I revived all of our fallen heroes today. Did you know that? Did you know that knew I put my life on the line for this team?!”

“No I didn't but that isn't my point!”

“Then what is your point please!”

“I need you Angela! I need you to be mine and not someone else’s treasure! I need you to be here with me and I need you to stop acting like the world revolves around you! I need you to stop messing around with other men and putting yourself in danger! And for the past some odd weeks that’s all you've been doing!”

Silence filled the air.

“And what makes you think that I need you? Commander.”

“Angela please.”

“Jack,” tears streamed down her face, “our entire relationship just isn't healthy. Neither of us can deal with each other anymore, can't even deal with the other persons presence in a room. Doesn't that tell you something? Isn’t that a sign to you?” he was quiet as the tears ran down his face, his skin soaking in the liquid.

They both took a shaky breath but Angela was the first to speak.

“I think it’s time we ended this Jack, now rather than later so we can continue to live and not hold each other back.”

The room went cold, and the space she left behind was no more than a black hold, sucking Jack into a world full of nothingness.

“Good bye Commander, see you on the battle field.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is not edited / this was not thought out / this was not planned

Sometimes it’s better for me to let my brain say what it wants to say in story than to someone I love.

Open to thoughts comments and criticism.

Although it doest completely fit, I like this whole ‘song goes with story’

Again I swear this wasn't part of my ‘writing plans’

Saving faith should be up within the next week. Someone message me and scold me if it’s not.

Sorry for sharing my pain.

~Starpiper3

[oraclesoftime]

Futures Known But Unspoken

CHAPTER 20 Patience is A Virtue Lane was woken up by someone shaking her shoulders, the woman groaning slightly before turning her head to see Balin standing behind her. “Wake up and gather yourself lassie; we’re leaving,” the older dwarf claimed, releasing her shoulder. Lane groaned again but nodded, knowing that they had stayed long enough as it was. Balin quickly left the room as Lane managed to drag herself out of her bed and throw on her clothes, flinching and letting out a small whimper when the collar of her tunic brushed against her head. After readying herself and quietly leaving her room, she quickly found the others silently standing by the stairs, Belle appearing behind her not a minute later with something strapped onto her back that Lane didn’t recognise. “Let’s go,” Thorin ordered, leading the way. Everyone nodded and followed after their leader, being sure to keep quiet so that their leaving would go unnoticed. Belle quickly fell in step with Lane giving her friend a groggy smile which Lane did her best to return. “Is that a bow and quiver?” Lane asked with a small laugh. “Yeah, as much as I wanted to stick by your side when you were knocked out, everyone kept hounding me to do something. Glorfindel was actually the one who helped me to learn, this is the bow he offered to make me yesterday,” Belle hummed, taking the weapon off of her back and showing it to her friend. “So that’s why you seemed so relaxed around him; you’d met him before,” Lane hummed, finally connecting the dots. “Well I’m glad you weren’t moping, not like it ever does any good.” Belle rolled her eyes but couldn’t help the smile that spread across her features, pulling on the bow string a few times causing it to make a small humming noise before placing it on her back once again. As the group reached the borders of Rivendell, rather than taking the path they had coming in, Thorin lead them out a hidden eastern road that had them climbing up a nearby cliff. “Well I hope you’re happy,” Lane whispered. “About what?” Belle asked, giving the taller a confused look. “We won’t be riding ponies until… later,” Lane snickered, giving her friend a knowing look. Belle couldn’t help but beam, the smile quickly leaving her face however when Lane teetered to the side mid-step, Belle’s arms instantly shooting up to steady her. “Are you sure you’re alright?” Belle asked, a small whimper in her voice. “I’ll be fine, just a little woozy,” Lane sighed, managing to steady herself before walking forward again. Belle could only nod as she continued to follow after her friend. “Be on your guard, we’re about to step over the edge of the wilds,” Thorin claimed, no longer having to whisper. “Balin. You know these paths, lead on.” The older dwarf nodded and lead the way further along the path with the others following behind him. As the two women continued to follow the others, Lane’s body slipped again, Belle releasing a loud gasp as she reached forward to catch her friend, Bofur however being faster, spun around and caught the woman’s shoulder. “Easy there Champion, don’t want to have to shave the other side of yer head,” he teased, not able to hide the concerned look in his eye. “Thanks Bofur, coming from you that’s a compliment,” Lane snickered with a small sigh. The miner nodded and helped her to stand upright again before beginning to walk again, Lane and Belle right behind him. The company managed to find their way out of the rocky path with Balin’s apparent knowledge of the road and soon came upon a vast field of dry grass. They kept a steady pace, not too fast but not too slow, and for every step they took, Lane could feel Thorin’s glare boring into her from the front of the group. She wasn’t necessarily slowing them down; Oin only ever being a few feet ahead of herself, Belle and Bilbo; the healer choosing to stay near the back of the group should Lane need aid. While she was indeed grateful for his thoughtfulness towards her, it also made her feel weak and in need of protection, something that took a huge blow to her pride. Sure there was the occasional misstep or flash of dizziness that raced through her head, but it wasn’t anything serious; Belle hadn’t told her that her wound was suddenly bleeding again so there was no need to make such a big fuss. It was when a particularly painful throb wracked not just her head, but her entire body when Lane fell to her knees with a painful yelp. “Lane!!” Belle cried, dashing up to her friend. Oin was kneeling by Lane’s side in record time while Belle’s cry echoed across the open field, all of the dwarves turning to see what the fuss was about. “What hurts lassie,” Oin asked, gently placing his palm on her forehead. “N-no… I’m fine. I just slipped is all,” Lane groaned, clenching her eyes shut in a vain attempt to will the pain in her skull away. Inwardly growling at herself, she pushed herself off of the ground and stood straight, only for the pain to hit her again like a freight train, causing her eyes to cross before falling to her knees again. “Lane stop, you’ll only hurt yourself!” Bilbo pleaded, his hand grasping his friend’s shoulder. “He’s right lassie, you need to stop and rest,” Oin agreed with a nod. “What’s going on, we need to keep moving,” Thorin’s voice growled as he stomped over to them. “Thorin-” “She needs to rest laddie, or we’ll be carrying a corpse to Erebor,” Oin scolded, looking up at their leader. “We don’t have time to rest, Durin’s day is nearly upon us!” Thorin growled. “I can carry her...” Kíli offered as he and the others walked over. “No, if we are attacked we may need every able bodied warrior to fight, having her on your back will leave me with one less fighter,” Thorin claimed. “Thorin-” Balin began, but was interrupted by the leader. “You either stand and walk on your own two feet or we leave you here!” Thorin barked, glaring down at Lane, the woman hanging her head as she willed herself not to cry from pain. “Uncle, enough!” Fíli demanded, stepping in between the two. “We’ve been walking for hours, a little rest could do all of us some good.” Thorin was about to retort when Lane stood and put a shaking hand on Fíli’s shoulder. Pushing him slightly out of the way, Lane raised her head and glared at Thorin. “I thought you were in a rush, Lord Dwarf… what are you doing here standing around?” she growled. Thorin simply spun around on his heels and began walking away, barking at the others to continue as well. “Lane stop, you can’t keep forcing yourself like this!” Belle pleaded, standing up and holding Lane still. “I’m not going to be a liability Izz!” Lane barked, turning to glare at her friend. “I am not weak! I am not frail! And I will not be subject to the scorn of someone with a jagged key and map shoved up his fucking ass, all because I was clocked on the head by an orc!!” Belle stood motionless, her eyes wide and fear filled as Lane turned away from her, taking quick but staggering steps to follow the others. “La-” “Don’t touch me!” Lane barked, harshly brushing off Fíli’s outstretched hand as she passed him. Fíli exchanged a worried look with his brother, their gazes shifting between a clearly enraged Lane and a now forlorn looking Belle as Bilbo rested a hand on her elbow. -=- After a few more hours of traveling, the company finally took a rest near a small grove of trees, almost every one of them releasing a round of groans when they were finally able to rest their weary and aching feet.Lane and Belle sat somewhat away from each other, Lane refusing to meet anyone’s eyes as she kept her back turned to them while Belle let out a small sigh. “Is she still avoiding everyone?” Bilbo asked, walking over to the smaller woman and sitting beside her, his eyes not leaving Lane’s back. Belle nodded and pouted. “I can understand why she’d be peeved, but that doesn’t mean she should just shut us out,” she huffed. “I’d go over there and smack some sense into her but I’m afraid she’d smack me back, and Lane hits hard…” Bilbo hummed and nodded, turning his eyes back to Lane’s form before giving a determined huff and standing. Belle’s hand shot up and grasped his wrist, causing him to stop and look down at her. “Wait, are you seriously going to go and talk to her? She’ll eat you alive; Lane’s almost as bad as Thorin!” Belle hissed, trying to keep her voice down as the sun got lower and lower in the sky. “Lady Isabella, I know that you and Lane have been friends for a very long time, but I believe that there is one thing that even you don’t quite understand about her,” Bilbo hummed with a small smile. Belle’s grip on his wrist slackened as Bilbo took this chance to walk over to the taller of the two, Lane having shifted so that she could lean her right shoulder against a nearby tree along with the uninjured side of her head. “Lane?” Bilbo called quietly, not wanting to disturb her if she was sleeping. “What?” Bilbo jumped slightly at the irritated tone in her voice but didn’t allow himself to turn around, instead taking a few more steps forward so that he was standing by her left shoulder and sat beside her. The hobbit leaned forward slightly to get a better look at his friend’s face and gave a small whine when he realized just how exhausted the taller woman looked. “Are you just going to stare at me?” her voice croaked, eyes not opening. “Lane, you must know that after all this time we’ve spent traveling together, that none of us view you as a burden nor a liability,” he began, keeping his voice level and supportive. “You are probably the strongest and most brave-hearted woman I’ve met, and that’s saying a lot if you recall me having Mirabella as an Aunt.” Lane couldn’t help the small breath of laughter that escaped her lips, her face relaxing at the mention of the hobbit woman. Bilbo gained a smile of his own on his face and he reached out to place a comforting hand on the woman’s knee. “Lane, I cannot speak for every member of this company, but I can easily name a handful that value your presence on this quest. I myself am quite happy that you as well as Lady Isabella decided to come along, and I’m certain she feels the same.” “That’s not a handful Bilbo,” Lane chuckled, her eyes finally opening to look at him out of the corner of her eye. “Well Fíli and Kíli both seem to have gotten attached to you as well as Oin and Bofur. Gloin I’ve noticed isn’t as grumpy around you anymore and I’ve seen the friendship that is growing between yourself and Bifur as well. Dwalin also seems to enjoy your company seeing as he still calls you Champion. Basically everyone who does call you that I believe you can view as a comrade and friend in this venture,” Bilbo claimed, shifting slightly so that Lane could see past him and look at each dwarf as he mentioned them. “I’m sorry that Thorin has been so hard on you since the warg pack, but just because he’s having behavioural issues doesn’t mean everyone shares his view, especially when it comes to you.” Lane lowered her eyes in shame and wrung her hands together before giving a sigh. “I’m a shitty friend… aren’t I?” Lane sighed. “I’m sorry Bilbo.” “Apology accepted, though I don’t believe I’m the one you should be apologizing to,” the hobbit hummed, nodding behind them with a knowing look. Lane sighed through her nose before nodding and moving to stand. Bilbo shot to his feet and offered the woman his hand, Lane pausing for a moment before accepting his aid. Once she was on her feet, Lane managed to walk over to where Belle sat, the smaller woman not raising her head to look up at her. “You still suck, but I’m willing to forgive your flaws and call a truce,” Lane hummed. Belle’s eyes widened and spun around to look up at her friend and give her a baffled look, only to catch sight of the shit eating grin stretched across the taller’s lips. “My flaws? You’re no saint yourself, you know!” Belle laughed, understanding the meaning behind her friend’s words. “You’re right, I’m no saint; I’m closer to being a Bishop, or a Cardinal,” Lane hummed, placing a hand on her chest while pushing her shoulders back with mock dignity. Belle’s mouth opened and closed a few times in befuddlement before she let out a round of laughter, having to cover her mouth with her hands so it wasn’t too loud. “You are beyond hopeless,” the smaller laughed, having to wipe away a few tears in her eyes. “Damn straight, makes life more fun,” Lane scoffed, finally sitting down beside her friend. “I am sorry for yelling at you though, you didn’t deserve to get the brunt of it.” Belle hummed and gave her friend a smile and a pat on the knee, silently telling her that all was forgiven. Bilbo soon came over to join the women and the trio sat and talked for a little while longer until Thorin told everyone to get some rest. -=- The next day continued on in this general pattern. The company traveled almost non-stop from sunup to dusk, found a place to camp for the night before planning on repeating the process again. Lane was still miffed at Thorin, Belle sharing her friend’s feeling while Thorin never spared them a glance, his eyes always set on the Misty Mountains in the east. Bilbo had remained with the women and would help Belle to silently support Lane whenever the taller woman would trip or get a head rush and have to pause to clear her vision.The morning after Lane had apologized to Belle, she had done the same to Fíli for her harshness towards him only wanting to help. If the blond prince felt any ill will or discontent towards her for her actions, he never stated so and accepted her apology with a smile and a pat on the shoulder. “Nothing to worry about, Champion,” he had said. “I understand all too well that Thorin can be a bit hard headed and overly driven.” When the sun began to set that evening, the company once again found a place to camp for the night, Lane, Belle and Bilbo taking out their bedrolls and lining them up beside each other not too far away from the dwarves. While doing so, it found the trio trading stories and experiences from their short time in Rivendell. “He just walked in!?” Bilbo gasped, looking like he had been personally put through the ordeal. “I cannot believe Kíli would do such a thing…” “I don’t think dwarves know how to knock,” Lane snickered, patting her friend on the shoulder as Belle hung her head. “Fíli did the same thing to me when Gilraen took me to the baths.” “WHAT!?” the two squawked, gaping at the tallest. “And you didn't tell me?” Belle accused. “What would you have done, defended my honour? Too late, honour gone.” Lane hummed. “Though I don't think Fíli minded~” Bilbo sputtered at the implication she was making while Belle smacked her friend on the arm. “I'm joking I'm JOKING!” Lane laughed, shifting slightly so she was further from her friend’s reach. “My Lady…” The three turned to see Kíli was standing by Belle’s side with a smile stretched across his lips and bow in hand. “I'm not interrupting anything am I? There are some trees not too far off that may serve as good target practise, especially since I understand you now have a bow of your own,” the brunet prince claimed, nodding at said weapon resting not to far away with her others things. Belle’s eyes widened slightly in excitement before she remembered her friend, turning to look at Lane only for the taller to roll her eyes. “Don’t worry about me, I have my secondary mother hen to cluck over me while you’re abusing the trees,” Lane chuckled, thumbing over at Bilbo as the hobbit gave her a pout. “Who are you calling a mother hen?” Bilbo huffed. “Would you rather me call you a quack?” “That is no better!” Belle giggled and stood up after picking up her bow and quiver, allowing Kíli to lead the way over to their makeshift target range.“I know I said that it’s alright, but that doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to pout,” Lane huffed, doing just that. Bilbo chuckled and patted the woman on the back as they watched the dwarven archer help Belle with her standing and drawing postures. “You know Bilbo, you could probably do with a few lessons on how to stab people,” Lane snickered, looking at the hobbit out of the corner of her eye. “Make use of that dagger you’ve got hanging at your hip.” “Balin called it a letter opener,” Bilbo scoffed, drawing the sword and running his finger along the flat of the blade. “Just because it’s small in size doesn’t make it useless.” “No, I agree. Back home our people have a saying; Great things come in small packages,” Lane hummed, resting her jaw in her palm as she smiled at him. “I’m sure that if you keep it by you Bilbo, that it’ll see its fair share of battles.” The hobbit seemed approving of her words as Lane stopped herself from grinning too much, knowing full well that this ‘letter opener’ would serve a greater purpose than any other sword among them at this moment in the future, both near and far.“I’m not interrupting an important pep talk am I?” Lane and Bilbo turned to see that Fíli had walked over to the two, no doubt in search of his brother. “Not at all,” Bilbo hummed, motioning for him to join them. Fíli did just that, sitting on Lane’s other side and allowing his eyes to drift over to the two archers not far away. “Has Thorin managed to glare a hole in the back of Izz’s head yet? She’s stealing the attention of one of his fighters,” Lane huffed, giving Fíli a sidelong glance. “Not yet; Balin and Dwalin keep trying to talk some sense into him about the treatment that he’s giving you two. He naturally won’t hear any of it right now, but I think he’s still a little jaded about the fact that we’re now on a time limit,” Fíli hummed, leaning back to rest on his hands. Lane rolled her eyes but didn’t have the energy to vent, not only that but just because Fíli understood that Thorin was being a dick didn’t mean he was automatically the best person to talk to about said dwarf lord.“You know that he’ll come around eventually right? Not just for you and Lady Isabella, but with you as well Bilbo,” Fíli claimed, looking around Lane to give the hobbit a slightly apologetic look. “I figured as much, from what I understand, you folk are very tight knit with your own kin and kind, I wasn’t really expecting to be welcomed with open arms in the first place,” Bilbo said with a small laugh. Fíli nodded and turned his attention back to the woman beside him, catching sight of Lane’s pout causing him to chuckle. He reached over and patted her on the shoulder causing her to shift slightly to look back at him. “Patience is a virtue Champion,” he laughed. “Patience is in low supply when you have a stubborn iron rod as a troupe leader,” Lane scoffed. “...but I’ll try…” Fíli’s grin grew and he nodded, turning back to the duo by the trees as Belle fired an arrow from her bow and hit a nearby tree with a hard ‘thunk’.

[shinthedancer-blog]

Mack The Knife|Chapter 1|Calandra

“Hey! Hey Callie!“

For someone in so dire a situation, Shin’s mood seemed excellent, or at the very least she was excellent at faking it. With how casual her wave was as she headed towards her pal, it really may have felt like she was just enjoying a nice stroll through the small village. Such excellent weather, after all. And such nice scenery.

Calandra’s choice of it had been the duck pond, nicely central, just behind the cottages where they had all made their homes by now, and Shin, having just returned from her dinner (lacklustre as always, in this place), had seen that choice and decided to join her in it.

The smaller girl turned upon her call, only slightly, only enough to see who it was approaching her, and after confirming it to be the dancer, gave that small, soft smile, more like velvet used to smother than to soothe, which Shin took as an invitation, or at least not an open rejection of her company. She covered the distance between them in large strides, and came to a stop next to Calandra.

“Pretty wild stuff, huh? That whole Fool business.”

Her hands were in her pockets, her eyes on the pond in front of them, and her light laugh on her lips. Even with the acknowledgement of their situation, it seemed like it stopped at acknowledging that things had indeed happened, stopping short of taking them seriously.

“How long do ya think they can keep it goin, huh? HPA, I mean. This has gotta be on them, right? Some kinda prank? Or experiment?”

She looked at Calandra, now, out of the corner of her eye. There was amusement sparkling in it, met with Calandra’s usual level of it, but where Shin was merely making warm conversation, Calandra’s words held a coldness to them not directed towards the dancer, but at any who would be in her way- at this point, the so fittingly named Fool.

“Ah, it hardly matters, does it?”

Her voice was a whisper, and a purr. Shin’s smile widened and warmed with affection hearing that tone, the smoky mystery belonging in one of her beloved noirs. Little did she know what lay beneath. But she would learn, and soon.

“My family will not stand for it, and upon their wish, this will all be over. All that stands in their way is knowledge of our fate, my dearest Shin. And that is soon to follow.”

So much revealed so simply. And yet, nothing at all. But Shin didn’t seem to mind. It wasn’t information she was after, just conversation. And so instead of other follow up questions, all she gave was a low whistle.

“They must be pretty important, eh? Ya family.”

It wasn’t much of a serious question, and she wasn’t interested in knowing. That was, until she got an answer to it.

“Oh, the Jeggare’s have power of this world and the other. Granted by our dark lord, and by our own machinations.”

Calandra returned her look, now, with as much genuine amusement.

“We run our family business well, Shin, my dear, under my guidance as consigliere. Such guidance that it was deemed deserving of a title.”

Shin froze before the last words had even left her mouth. Her posture, her smile, everything. The moment the word “consigliere” was mentioned, she froze in place, and only unfroze a few moments after Calandra had finished talking, to blink in confusion, to have her smile fall, to struggle visibly with this new information.

“Wait…. Wait…… Hold up….”

A smaller laugh fell from her lips, but one lacking in humor or even the attempt to fake it.

“Thought I heard ya say ya were a…. what was it…. Consigliere, yeah? Like in the movies or….”

She gestured, trying to grasp something invisible in front of her from the looks of it.

“Ya know. Like, in mafia stuff. Not that I’m sayin ya would be part of that. Cause obviously that’d just be impossible, right?”

Her tone wasn’t as light as her choice of words. In fact, it was growing heavier by the second, until her next words, in another world an admittance of insecurity, a desperate search for agreement, sounded more like a threat, a warning against receiving anything but that agreement.

“Right, Callie?”

There was a moment of silence between them, or maybe a minute, it was hard to tell. Then, finally, it broke with Calandra’s simple:

“Oh, dearest Shin…. I thought you had already figured that out, at least?”

And, just like that, it would never be fixed again.

“You’re WHAT?”

The ducks in the pond flapped their wings, loudly declaring their displeasure at Shin’s suddenly loud and not so amused anymore voice.

The dancer herself hardly cared. She had turned to face Calandra head on, fists balled at her sides, her face turned from one of warmth and affection to a grimace of disgust and anger.

“Your family, who you’re workin for- they’re gangsters? The fuckin mafia?!”

This was a level of disgust rarely seen from her. She recoiled, physically, from the girl who moments before had been her friend. Recoiled like one would from a snake. A particularly ugly one.

Calandra watched on in silence as Shin came to terms with the information she had just received, which the dancer did loudly. Loud enough to draw some eyes to them, but she hardly seemed to care.

“The thievin, murderin, kidnappin, god fuckin forsaken MAFIA?! Those fuckin MONSTERS??!”

It was at this point that Calandra’s own smile faltered and fell, her pretty face now in a deep frown, golden eyes sending Shin a glare of the kind that would’ve made the blood freeze in the veins of any human being with less fire in them than her.

“And who are you….”

Her voice wasn’t louder than before, but much colder, and even Shin was stopped momentarily in her rage when met with one that matched hers.

“….To judge me? To judge your saviors? We’ve been kidnapped, fucking kidnapped, and yet you whine and complain about your betters? Complain like a baby. Why, Shin I did not take you for such a sanctimonious fuck!”

The insult, fired with the precision off a poison dart, seemed to bounce right off of Shin’s armor of righteous rage (and obliviousness), but the rest of it did not, and was commented with a disbelieving snort.

“Fuckin saviours? Well sign me up for fuckin damnation if that’s your choice a saviours, then. Man, I thought ya were just really into your style, ya know, dark and gothy and shit, but essentially harmless. Like it’s SUPPOSED ta be! Turns out ya actually are just a fuckin killer bitch! Just a fuckin monster!”

Calandra, now facing Shin head on as well, didn’t skip a beat to reply.

“I am not a monster for doing as my family has done since your own ancestors were living in thatched roof huts!”

“But you are! You ARE, Callie!! Who gives a SHIT how long your family’s been up ta terrible things or how loyal ya think you’re bein, if ya were actually a person worth givin two SHITS about ya would’ve told em off! You woulda left! You woulda done ANYTHIN but WORK for em, what the fuck is WRONG with ya?!”

She was yelling, now, yelling and gesturing, face red with rage. Calandra’s own rage had burned cold until now, but the fire of the dancer seemed to jump over to her, and she responded in kind, though her gestures were more the restrained kind.

“The fuck is wrong with YOU, that you think disloyalty a virtue?! They’ve given me everything! Everything I’ve ever had! I have measured and weighed and NOTHING, NOTHING I could be doing is better than doing my lineage proud!! [May the crows eat your fucking eyes, you bitch! May they fucking scratch them out of your skull while demons feast on your guts!]”

She continued in this manner, but Shin was not to be outyelled, not when she had only just started. If there was one thing she was practiced in (aside from the many, many things she was), it was arguments.

“Do ya hear yaself, like, when ya talk?! The FUCK??! Ya standin here, right now, tellin me that the best thing ya could be doin with ya life is... is murder, and theft, and drug trafficking or whatever the fuck else your familys gotten up to?? doesnt matter how related they are to ya, its WRONG, wrong dont become right just cause its ya pa who does it!”

She took a step back, pushed back her hair, but what looked like a retreat was barely her getting enough breath to continue her assault, now with a new angle, a new realization.

“Cant fuckin believe- and ya live with Natsume, too?? im tellin ya if ya lay one of ya filthy fingers on her, touch even one hair on her head, ill fuckin gut ya like the cops ought ta have done years ago!"

With Calandra yelling her own threats in Italian, and Shin returning the favour in Japanese, the two had drawn the attention of a small audience, but neither of them seemed to care overly much. This was a battle between two parties who weren’t used to losing, and much less likely to accept such loss. More importantly, two parties who had managed to enrage each other to such a point that their argument wasn’t a discussion of ethics. It was a shouting match, just yelling out their anger at each other, and neither would back down.

Finally, it was Calandra who returned to actual arguing, instead of just yelling. But it wasn’t a big step back.

"Ignorant oaf! I don't dirty my hands with the work of soldiers! I make and break kings! And you're just a failed dancer, shall I ask a cousin of mine to break your other leg so you can always be on your high horse? And you can't let Natsume dear make her own choices, can you? Keep her in your shadow forever, and don't let her dance away from you! At least she still can!"

It was this, at last, that made Shin fall silent, her expression changing from outright rage to something else. Whatever it was: shock, disbelief, genuine hurt, it vanished as soon as it had come, turning back into rage. A colder, quieter rage that came with trembling, but not words. She stood straighter than before, her fists balled at her sides, and she glared. Glared silently at her former friend. Whichever part of what Calandra said had done it, she was officially at a loss for words. A chance that Calandra used, her voice now at a normal talking level again. The fire was extinguished, the ice had returned to both of them.

"I needn't hex you. You've failed enough already, haven't you dear?"

What happened next, happened too fast to comprehend while it was. It could only ever be looked back upon later, and even then with surprise.

One moment, things seemed to cool down considerably. The audience may wish, perhaps, that this was all there would be to it, that they would just walk away, and that the tension in the air may not snap after all. But it did, because in the next moment, Calandra’s head flew to the side in a flurry of black hair, the sudden force of impact enough to make her stumble and fall. Shin’s fist, formerly so tightly curled at her side, was the source of that impact- it was clear to see she’d thrown punches before, and that this was one that hurt.

It was hard to believe how quickly things had escalated, how little it had taken to get to this point, but Shin had punched her former friend straight in the face, and from the looks of it she had not been pulling her punches.

As quickly as it had happened it was over, and Shin glared down on Calandra, who was holding her cheek. It was hard to tell whether she was surprised with her hair covering her face as it was, but she didn’t move, and neither did Shin. The world seemed to hold its breath.

Shin was the one to move first, and it was in curt, tense movements. One finger pointing at Calandra, jabbing in her direction to underline her words, her tremble had moved from her body into her voice. Was it right to call the anger in it barely restrained anymore, when she had shown absolutely no restraint during the entire conversation in the first place?

“Fuck. You. I WILL get better! I WILL!! STAY….”

She had gotten back to yelling, and took a moment to steady herself before continuing at a more normal volume, but not a less enraged one.

“…Stay the FUCK away from me and Natsume, you fucking piece of FILTH.”

And with that, she just turned and left, with the same long strides that had gotten her here, fists still balled and blood on her knuckles, a storm on the move that none of those watching dared approach.

Yet, this was only the beginning of the violence that was yet to come.