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aion-rsa · 4 years ago

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Bo Burnham: Inside Songs Ranked from Worst to Best

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The musical of the summer was supposed to be a life-affirming celebration of one of New York’s most vibrant neighborhoods, full of color, romance, and big group dance numbers. Instead for many viewers, the musical of the moment was filmed and performed by one man, alone in isolation from the comfort (or discomfort, really) of his own home, with songs centered on techno paranoia, mental health, and the fear of aging. Maybe after a year stuck in their homes, audiences could relate to the existential dread and general anxiety on display in Bo Burnham: Inside more than a conventional movie musical.

Billed as a stand-up special, Burnham’s latest musical comedy endeavor finds the former wunderkind holed up and feeling more uncomfortable than ever. Writing, editing, directing, and performing from a claustrophobic studio, Burnham’s stand-up special skews more toward being a straight-up musical, and not because the special is light on jokes and missing an audience. Rather this has all the hallmarks of a musical narrative and plays closer to experimental cinema than sketch comedy.

Burnham expresses his characters’ inner-thoughts, fears, and desires via song throughout a contained narrative, in this case the narrative being one man trying to occupy himself during a pandemic. It has ballads, charm songs, comedy numbers, “I Am” and “I Want” songs, and a big reprise. By capturing his personal pandemic experience and putting the whole affair to song, Burnham has created one of the most compelling (and catchy!) accounts of life during 2020.

To celebrate the musical that we all needed after a year in our homes, we’ve decided to rank every song from Bo Burnham: Inside. You can stream along via the Inside (The Songs) album on the streaming platform of your choice.

20. I Don’t Wanna Know

Merely an interlude, “I Don’t Wanna Know” doesn’t quite work outside of watching the special itself. However, it is a clever way to address the fact that modern audiences do not have the attention span to sit through a film at home without checking their phone or complaining about a runtime.

19. Bezos II

While certainly meant to poke fun at the real-life Lex Luthor, it’s not that fun to listen to Bezos’ name repeated. Stil, Burnham does elicit a few laughs with his over-the-top mock congratulations. “You did it!”

18. Any Day Now

A Sesame Street-like mantra that plays over the credits, “Any Day Now” suggests this could all end either hopefully soon or on a depressingly vague far-off date that will never come. We’d like to think it’s the former, but it’s safe to assume what Bo thinks.

17. All Time Low

While this number gets docked points for its short runtime, it absolutely packs a punch with its four-line, single verse. After Bo admits that his mental health is rapidly deteriorating, he describes what it’s like to have a panic attack set to a chipper ‘80s dance backbeat. Unfortunately, we don’t get to ride the wave long enough, and judging lyrics, that’s probably a good thing for Bo.

16. Content

This strong opening number musically sets the vibe for Inside, letting us know that we’re in for some synth-heavy throwback beats that would be best listened to underneath a disco ball. Also incorporating silly backing vocals, a hallmark of many of Inside’s best tracks, Burnham declares he’s back with some sweet, sweet content. “Daddy made you your favorite,” he sings, and he ain’t wrong.

15. Bezos I

Unlike the reprise in “Bezos II,” “Bezos I” gets by off its increasingly deranged energy, with Burnham roasting fellow tech billionaires and working himself up into a manic frenzy by song’s end. Musically, it sounds like the soundtrack to an intense boss battle on a Sega Genesis game before ending with a sick little synth solo and Burnham hilarious squawking. It’s arguably the only acceptable thing that Bezos has ever been associated with.

14. Unpaid Intern

While “Unpaid Intern” is one of Inside’s shortest tracks, it absolutely makes the most of its time. The jazzy tune scorches the exploitative nature of unpaid internships before Burnham breaks out into a laugh-out-loud worthy scat routine. It unfortunately ends too soon.

13. Shit

Inside’s funkiest jam sounds like Burnham wrote the lyrics for a new Janelle Moane album cut. Bo show’s off his vocal dexterity and plumbs the depths of his depression in a surprisingly danceable fashion. Throwing in a little faux crowd interaction helps bring home the fact that we have all felt like this at one point or another during the pandemic.

12. Sexting

This slow-jam details the complications of sexting, throwing out hilariously too-true punchlines like “the flash makes my dick look frightened.” “Sexting” feels like one of a few songs that could most easily appear on previous Burnham specials. Proving that Inside’s musical textures do not come exclusively from ’80s synth pop, the outro of the song expertly mirrors modern pop trends by throwing in some trap-influenced “yahs” at the end of Bo’s lines.

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11. How the World Works

Influenced by comedian Hans Teeuwen and children’s entertainment in general, “How the World Works” finds Burnham going back to the well by playing the ignorant, smarmy white guy who is oblivious of the real issues plaguing nonwhite Americans. What’s even better though is Socko calling Burnham out on forcing others to educate him for his own self-actualization instead of doing the work on his own for the betterment of others.

Socko pointedly asks “Why do you rich f—— white people insist on seeing every socio-political conflict through the myopic lens of your own self-actualization?” Not to keep things too heavy, the song ends with an absurdist bit where Burnham returns Socko to the nether place that he goes when he’s not attached to Burnham’s hand. Scathing and bizarre, it’s a great piece of social commentary.

10. FaceTime With My Mom

While most of the music of Inside feels directly transported from the 1980s, “FaceTime With My Mom” seems only inspired by the past decade’s musical trends, updating the sounds in much of the same way that the Weeknd and Dua Lipa have. This is Bo Burnham as a hitmaker, and his attempt is convincing. “FaceTime With My Mom” earns easy laughs by getting to the seemingly specific, yet universal things that all our moms do over video chat.

9. Goodbye

Every good musical needs a good closing track, and Burnham nails it with “Goodbye,” pulling off a reprise that weaves in many of the special’s signature musical moments and touches on the special’s core themes. A forlorn piano ballad before it soars through Inside’s best motifs, “Goodbye” caps a triumphant musical achievement, coming back to “Look Who’s Inside Again” just to punch you in the gut one last time.

8. Problematic

Addressing his past work and some aspects that have not aged well, while also skewering celebrity apologies, “Problematic” is self-aware critique by way of an ‘80s workout bop. From the specific Aladdin confession to the overall apology for being “vaguely shitty,” Bo has never made accountability sound so good.

7. That Funny Feeling

This is Bo Burnham’s version of Father John Misty’s “Holy Shit,” a laundry list of all the stupid things that are signaling the fall of culture and civilization as we know it. If Misty hadn’t gotten there first, we may have had this one ranked higher. Still, Burnham manages to come up with a sticky chorus that you’ll be humming the next time something makes you feel like you’re living in the uncanny valley.

6. White Woman’s Instagram

Perhaps the special’s most playful moment, “White Woman’s Instagram” uses the musical cues of an inspiring empowerment anthem to poke fun at the predictably, perfectly curated feed of a “girl boss” Instagram. The song is greatly enhanced by the accompanying visuals, which find Bo recreating the meticulously staged and glamorous portraits that women pass off as their everyday lives.

However, Bo always likes to sneak in some sentimentality, and imagines a genuinely heartfelt post to his white woman character’s deceased mother. Don’t worry, the emotional moment doesn’t overstay its welcome, and we’re soon back to laughing at horribly derivative political street art.

5. All Eyes on Me

The droning synth and pitch-down vocals make “All Eyes On Me” oddly hypnotic and beautiful. The song seems to be addressing Bo’s depression along with his need for validation and attention, a juxtaposition that many performers deal with. It becomes clear that Burnham isn’t addressing an invisible audience, but himself, trying to will himself up and out of his dreary mental state.

4. Look Who’s Inside Again

A classic “I Am” musical song, “Look Who’s Inside Again” just may be Inside’s most emotionally resonant track that seems to hit closest to who Bo Burnham was and who he is today. This is the song that I will most likely regret the most for ranking so low.

“Well, well, look who’s inside again. Went out to look for a reason to hide again,” perfectly describes the cycle of depression and will, for me, be the special’s most lasting moment. The downbeat ending “come out with your hands up, we’ve got you surrounded” is heartbreaking enough to send a shudder down your spine.

3. Comedy

The special’s real first number is absolutely packed with hooks, from the “Call me and I’ll tell you a joke” bridge to the “Should I be joking at a time like this?” change-up. This is Bo really flexing how far he’s come as a musician, expertly utilizing autotune and a key change (us “stupid motherf***ers” can’t resist them).

“Comedy” also finds Bo comfortably in the lane that we’re most used to seeing him in, playing the egomaniacal white messiah with a wink. “Comedy” is the tone-setter and it’s so good that it lets you know that you’re in good hands for the next hour plus.

2. 30

Either I’m ranking this song too highly due to its personally relatable nature or the fact that I haven’t been able to get “All my stupid friends are having stupid children” out of my head, but I really don’t care. “30” is Inside’s biggest earworm and addresses the existential terror that comes with no longer getting pats on the back for being a young wunderkind.

“30” also examines generational differences, showing how 30 year-old people are more infantile than ever. However, at the end of the day it all comes back to those shimmering keys and that irresistible refrain. Apologies to my friends with children.

1. Welcome to the Internet

No matter how deep and emotionally rich some of Inside’s other tracks may be, “Welcome to the Internet” is the one that will live on the longest. If this were a traditional musical, this would the antagonists’ showstopper; a vaudevillian romp through the alluring chaos that is the internet. Speeding up and slowing down the pace to mirror the manic, addictive nature of surfing the net, Burnham pitches the negative aspects of online culture as they are: a feature, not a bug. Promising “a little bit of everything all of the time,” “Welcome to the Internet” is almost as enticing as the dark tool itself.

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branch--chief--faba · 5 years ago

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Branch-Chief--Faba

It's me, the former owner of branch-chief--faba.

Someone I know pointed out the post @trash-troll made and after reaching out to them they did imply me with their post. So let's start out with the obvious; me writing this post means I'm alive. Though I should add 'barely' to that.

Trash-Troll showed me screenshots of people talking about me. And after them convincing me to do it I've decided to write my version of what happened or more importantly.. how I feel about the whole thing. I am not here to debunk anything.. because it will become a he said/she said thing. Let’s just go into this wall of text by saying both parties fucked up.

The end of 2017 and all of 2018 were pretty bad for me, mentally. I was hurt and lost and I didn't know what to do. A year prior to that I made the blog. It was fun! I never had so many people reaching out to me and willing to spend time to me. That was a whole new experience and in hindsight I didn't know how to deal with it. This isn't me debunking or saying something did or didn't happen but I guess I was in over my head. I had never been popular or even had friends before. Or friends who weren't forced to hang with me because of college or them being co-workers. You know how proud I was that people found me cute or pretty when I posted a selfie? Yeah that never happened before. It boosted my self esteem sky high.

I did some things that in hindsight weren't smart or downright stupid. I let people play me. I fought battles for people I should have never fought. I was just so afraid that if I didn't do it- they leave and I'd be alone again. I didn’t purposely stick my nose in other’s business. I just wanted to help and now i feel that some people really took advantages of that. In that sense this blog was both a blessing.. and a curse for me. I was so obsessed with keeping everyone happy that I forgot my own happiness and I forgot to look further than the tip of my nose and to please some people I hurt some others, unintentional at the time.. but I understand now and I’m sorry.

I can only apologise for it now. I am to blame for my actions even though they were inspired by others and sometimes it was peer pressure. I admit that I should've been stronger when i was in a discord made to slam a group of people. I've been a fool and absolutely stupid. You know those PSA’s when they tell you doing nothing is as bad as the bullying? Yeah. At times i was the bystander... and I wish I could undo it but I can’t.

I feel like (now that I've seen screenshots..) that sometimes I was set up to vent about a person only for it to be shared. Was it fair for me to vent? Yes and no. In my eyes- I was hurt by a few people and I thought the person i was talking to (this venting only happened one on one, never in a group.) was someone I could trust. I know better now and I feel stupid. I said things in pure emotion and in confidence. I was angry and hurt and I just wanted to vent those feelings. Again, I'm the fool for walking into such an obvious trap. I don't blame anyone but myself. I should’ve know better. I really should. However, this isn't just about me.

There are things people did that are wrong too. Things that hurt me. I will never forget me finding the courage to call someone out on how their actions harmed me mentally and them saying that 'It was my own fault for being too emotionally attached to them'. That's painful and that hurts, even today it haunts me to my core.

I won't forget that I was doxxed, that i got daily anons to kill myself, that they wish I had cancer, etc. Even though I enjoyed writing Faba up till that point I just had to slow down. I had up to 1000 asks at the end of it and a lot of them were nasty anons. I deleted one and two came in it's place. Eventually I just had to stop for my own sanity. I know people suggested and would suggest now that I just should’ve turned the anons off but again. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I thought that turning them off would mean people wouldn’t like me anymore, because there were good anons too! I figured ‘why should they suffer because of a few’ and in hindsight.. I should’ve just turned the anons off. I know hindsight is 20/20 but..

It was around that time almost everything went sour and I still don't know why. This is not me being a idiot, I really don't know why. I am still so socially awkward and figuring out human emotions is hard for me. Sometimes I don't understand until someone tells me 'Hey I'm mad at you because you did X or Y' I'm working on it though but it's not easy.

I won’t forget how a duo of a cis man and a cis woman reached out to someone and pretended to be a gay couple. And I will never forgive myself for not stopping it. And if you were the victim of this and if you read this then I’m so sorry. Know that I am absolutely disgusted with myself.

I will not forget how a new discord was made without me.. and the reason I wasn’t welcome? I was a supposed transphobe. I am not. Since deleting I’ve had A LOT of time to myself and I came to few conclusions about my gender and my sexual identity. DO NOT even think about use my dead name. I can’t believe someone would say that about me.

I know people think I’m just some money hound and out for that but I’m not. I don’t give a single shit about money. I care about happiness and I’m not getting it and because of it I’m not growing as a person.

I won’t forget how hurt I was by the actions of a few. And I can’t forget because I feel it .. even today. It consumes me and I already hear people laughing about it. Because ‘haha look at this dumb fuck, right? It’s been a year.” but I just can’t. It’s etched so deep inside me that it makes me sick.

I know you know who I'm talking about it. And I know you know it's you. I’m doing a favour and not tag anyone I’m going to leave the responsibility to owe up to your actions to you and if you don’t.. then that also speaks volumes about you as a person. And those people I'm talking about need to take a good hard look at themselves. Instead of posting that 'the evil is defeated' gif or celebrating someone deleting out of despair. Because this is not the only story to tell. There are LOADS more. Trash-Troll showed me. Please just be kinder..

I cannot change the past and I will never deny myself having some part in it.. but no one should feel like I do over fandom stuff. NO ONE. And no one can really help you if you see someone get doxxed, bullied or threatened and you sit back thinking 'eh they deserve it' no one deserves it. I know we live in an age where internet is part of our lives. But for many the internet is a safe space where they can just be a little looser than usual. Just block people.

What happened after I left this blog? I started by deleting my Discord, there were too many bad memories attached to it so I just dumped the whole thing out. I send a message explaining why I did it and send a few people who I thought I could trust my new discord. That not a single soul accepted my new friend request.. yeah that stung pretty hard. So, after keeping it up for two months and resending the friend requests.. I just deleted that one too.

I stopped using my other socials, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. I had to quit my job. If you can recall it wasn't a job that required a lot of thinking so my thoughts were allowed to run wild. Sometimes I started working and I just didn't know how I got to the end of my shift. It was just.. there. I'd black out thinking about the whole mess. I was feeling numb for months, nothing would bring me joy or sadness. It was like I was stuck in the ocean. Just below the surface and not being able to reach out. I could see people on the shore and I could swear they could see me too, but it was safer to let me drown.

I deleted all my tumblrs too. All of them. I didn't want anything to do with this place. I moved to twitter for a bit when I got lonely but that didn't stick. I had a few odd conversations but Twitter isn’t really the best place to talk about things I figured.

I tried to get myself to draw and write again but I couldn't.. I just couldn't. I tried but every time I opened a word document or put pen on paper I'd get antsy and panic-y. I couldn't bring myself to create anything at all. Not writing, not art, nothing. Even drawing original characters or other fandom stuff. I couldn't.

I was and still am too afraid to share anything with anyone. My brain goes through a whole series of 'what ifs' when i'm trying to write or draw. "What if they like it and we get talking and I mess up again." or "What if I put a lot of effort in a work and people will ignore it on purpose because they know it's me?" those kinds of thoughts.

My whole memory is warped. What really happend and what did my brain make up. I am not saying I’m not to blame for things, either partly or wholly but I NEVER had the intention to hurt people on purpose. I’m not hiding behind anything but fact remains that I am socially malformed. I don’t understand things. I spend the first 16 years of my life basically talking to no one and when I did.. I was the ‘weird kid’ or I heard my peer saying ‘Don’t talk to the freak.. so weird!’ I was never raised to be social and then I was dropped in a very social group full of very colourful people.I didn’t know how to handle it and it drove me literally nuts.

I feel into a deep depression and the last two months of 2018 are a haze for me. I barely remember anything. I don’t remember Christmas, I don’t remember New Years. It’s a blur. I almost died a couple of times, it's no secret. And for that I have the permanent reminder... I'm glad I didn't do it though.

Now it's 2019 and 2019 is almost over; how am I doing now?

Not much better. I still have the fear to create. I want to but I can’t. I still barely touch my socials because of my paranoia of people finding me and the whole circus starting again. I use my instagram because of cosplay commission stuff and I only use my Twitter to support some artists on there. Even then I keep this ‘neutral-someone-everyone-can-like-persona’ just this safe ‘brand type’ posts.

I'm only back on Tumblr for this and I won't be coming back. This isn't a revival tour. It's like one last song to send everyone on their way.

Please leave others alone. I truly am not on Tumblr and do not plan to come back not now or ever. I do not have a sneaky hidden blog. All the blogs I used to own are either dead or I just gave it to people who used to own blogs with me.

It's very painful for me to write this all out. I know I'm missing a lot of parts. To summarise; while I did some things that I'm not proud of. I cannot believe the lengths people went to to make me feel horrible about myself.

I cannot believe you guys would share some things about me that I wanted to keep private. That I thought was pretty private and you would understand. I'm sickened by the lies told about me and disgusted that it's still going in 2019, almost a year after I deleted everything.

I gave my new discord to people and those people never accepted and that's fine, it hurts but it's fine. I never bothered them or sought contact. I will admit that I once accidentally send a snapchat to someone.. but I promise that was an honest accident. I didn’t mean to. But I just don't get the feeling the same thing is happening and I have proof from people that I'm right.

Can you not post my trauma for all to see? That's not justice that's just being a dick... I have no other word for it. Being an evil dick. I never spoke badly about any of you after the whole thing. I will admit that .. in my anger when it all was going on, I did vent to people and TRUST me I regret that. I thought it would stay between us but it leaked..

Do the same for me and please have the decency to apologise for the things you did and just.. stop putting my private shit online without my consent. What I shared, I shared because I felt I could trust people. It was never about sympathy because I do not want it.

You gain nothing except the satisfaction that you gave me a kick again by sharing it. Which is a horrendous move. You’re not getting even, you’re winning at being a dick..

I want to be left alone. I want that confirmation of 'hey we're leaving you alone now'. I want to go back before I was paranoid. It’s not a fun thing. It’s maddening to think something behind EVERYONE’s action. Deep down.. I know better but I can’t stop. It’s a problem and I’m working on it.

I want NOTHING to do with Pokemon OR it's fandom. I won't be purchasing games or other media from it. I just gave away my copies of the 3DS games to people who wanted them. The whole thing is too triggering to me.

I wish I could pick up a pencil or pen and draw and write again without having a panic attack and I wish I could show myself on my private social media again without people watching me.

I know you guys doxxed me before using my Facebook- It's not weird of me to think people could do it again.

I don't mind it, if you hit me up and talk to me via this blog. You can reply to this post or just us DM. My only rule is to be civil. I am being civil too even though I feel empty, numb and sick.

And finally.. I apologise for EVERYONE who people thought were me. You don’t deserve that. No one does.

Well I guess this mystery is solved, what happens next is wholly up to you. I am not going to reach out myself. I made that promise.

I’m posting this because I have nothing else left to lose. Please show me you’re capable of human decency. And some things only God can forgive. That goes for me too.

And just to proof it’s me; I will be tagging this post as I always did; using my old tags.

#branch-chief--faba #spring bean text #faba #branch chief faba #pokemon #pokemon rp #pokemon rp community #aether foundation

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izupie · 6 years ago

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‘Beep Beep Beep’ - Chapter 9 - Tranquility

This is a different kind of chapter, but hopefully you all like the result. I was very pleased with it in the end (it went through many versions and rewrites aaa)

I can’t believe it’s all nearly over ! This has been such a crazy journey and I am so happy and excited whenever I post a new chapter - thank you all for sticking with me!

((What gratuitous shower scene I have no idea what you’re talking aBoUT))

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>>>[Izupie’s ko-fi] - your support is hugely appreciated;; <3 <3

>>>[Izupie’s AO3] - please consider checking out my other Izuocha works too?

>>>[AO3 Link to Beep Beep Beep] - If you want to go to the start~

>>>[AO3 Link to the newest chapter] - Here it is! Chapter 9!<<<

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A persistent buzzing sound woke Izuku up gently. He blinked in confusion and looked over to where it was coming from – a tiny blinking green light on his bedside table revealed his phone was the culprit. Oh, he’d got a message.

He’d turned his phone onto silent mode since the day he’d got it, so he didn’t even know what any of its tones sounded like. It wasn’t like anybody ever contacted him on it except his mom anyway, so he’d never had a problem with leaving it on his bedside table while he slept. He didn’t think it had ever gone off during the night before. It was odd for something like a phone vibration to wake him up though, since he slept so deeply.

Izuku pushed himself upright and reached for his phone.

BEEP BEEP BEEP

Izuku jumped and slammed his hand onto his alarm. It had startled him so badly that his phone had slipped right out of his fingers and clattered to the floor between the bed and the table.

His heart was still pounding as he picked up the old clock and checked the cracked display; it read ‘5:00’ in softly glowing red. That explained why his phone had been able to wake him up – his body clock usually got him up around this time anyway, even if there was a rare occasion that he didn’t set an alarm. He let out a small huff as he tried in vain to turn down the volume, but the button for it had broken a long time ago. When it woke him up through sleep it seemed quieter somehow. He tapped the volume button harder, but it still did nothing, so Izuku placed the clock back onto his table in defeat. It had been stuck at maximum for quite a while but hearing its broken volume properly for the first time made him suddenly very conscious of his neighbours. The sound wouldn’t be able to travel that loudly through walls would it?

Izuku ruffled his hair and threw off his duvet.

He really needed a new alarm clock.

Izuku stretched his arms above his head, feeling the satisfying pop of sleep-settled bones in his back and elbows, and absentmindedly rubbed his scarred arm as he glanced guiltily over at his to-do list, catching sight of the reminder to ring his mom. Maybe he’d offer for her to have the clock back instead of throwing it away? She got overly emotionally attached to stuff like that. (Which was why she had a loft filled with an embarrassing amount of boxes of baby photos and old toys.) But that would kind of feel like he was returning her gift, despite it being years old… He supposed there was space on one of his comic book shelves in the living room… It could live there as a memory of moving out to university rather than as an actual functioning clock, since the display was cracked too.

Maybe he’d grown to become overly emotionally attached to stuff too and hadn’t even realised it. His mom had always joked that the only thing he’d inherited from her was her height, but he knew from the sad smile she gave the photo in her purse (when she thought he wasn’t looking) that deep down it didn’t really bother her to think that he was more of his father than her.

Not that he knew much about him.

Izuku splashed cold water onto his face and rubbed it dry vigorously with a towel. Yesterday had been a stressful day, so he was feeling a little more tired than usual. At least getting up on time meant he had plenty of time for his standard morning routine.

He was trying desperately not to think of Ochako, but in trying not to think of her it of course meant she was all he could think about.

He put on his gym clothes and tried to focus on the workout routine he was going to do; he’d read a great post on Instagram about a training set that would put more focus on his core muscles. It sounded like it was going to be tough, but he relished the challenge. Though he probably wasn’t going to be quite so enthusiastic about it when he was complaining about his aching body to Denki in the ambulance later.

Izuku checked his watch and grabbed a banana from the fruit bowl on his kitchen table while the kettle boiled. It was definitely a coffee morning. The banana was a little browner than he would have liked - since he hadn’t gone shopping in a while and he often neglected to eat the fruit he bought, despite insisting on always keeping the fruit bowl full - but it was the energy that he needed. Still waiting for his old and slow kettle to boil, Izuku opened his cupboard and winced at the baskets of pills and first aid kits he still had stashed away in there. He really needed to sort it all out. Some of that stuff was probably out of date. He picked up a box of vitamin supplements and swallowed a little vitamin tablet down dry. He’d been very prone to accidents and illnesses as a child, and he’d been so scared about dying and leaving his mom all alone that he’d developed anxiety towards his health. When he’d moved out of his mom’s house he’d taken all of his remedies with him, though he’d slowly started needing them less and less.

Nobody ever would have believed he would end up being a paramedic; meek little Izuku who visited the doctor’s every other week with his injuries and maladies. Toshinori was the only one who truly believed that he could do it. Even his own mom had been concerned about how he would deal with surrounding himself with the very thing he’d been falling into his whole life. But that had been part of the reason he’d wanted to do it. In the end it was his own experiences and hard work that had helped him to grow beyond his anxieties and his accident-prone nature, and now Ochako had opened a whole other world of life outside of his work that he was excited to explore too. Friendship and enjoying someone else’s company… preferably hers.

Izuku shook his head to stop that train of thought while he added a touch of cold water to his steaming mug of coffee and downed it all in one go.

He couldn’t wait for her to come back, but he hoped she was doing okay and getting some quality time to heal up, though he was sure her parents would be taking good care of her.

The door locked with a definitive click behind him as he turned the key to his apartment, then he took off at a brisk jog down the corridor.

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It was only when Izuku finally made it into the ambulance that he remembered his cell phone. Denki was lounging in the passenger seat, cursing and swiping his finger on his own phone.

“C’mon, be a shiny, be a shiny. Damn- it’s not shiny. Gonna catch you anyway for leading me on- Hey, you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost bro.” Denki continued to swipe virtual pokéballs across the screen on Pokémon Go, not even appearing to look up as Izuku settled into the driver’s seat. (It was his turn to drive.)

“Oh, yeah, I’m fine,” he sighed, “I just saw your phone and remembered that I got a message on mine this morning, but I dropped it before I could check it. So it’s currently still sandwiched somewhere between my bed and the bedside table.”

Denki hissed between his teeth. “Man, I’d be losing my mind if that was me. I didn’t think you’d be that bothered though, don’t you leave it in your locker while we’re on shift anyway?”

“Yeah, but what if someone needed me! And I’m sitting here with no idea. I should have checked it,” Izuku lamented, placing his forehead on the steering wheel. What if it had been Ochako?

“What if it was your girlfriend?” Denki finally looked up from his phone, somehow echoing Izuku’s thoughts.

“Sh-She’s not my-” Izuku jolted upright and waved his hands in a fluster but stopped as he saw the grin on his friend’s face. “Evil,” he mumbled with narrowed eyes.

Denki laughed. “Ah, you’re too easy, bro. I should feel bad ‘cause you’re such an easy target.”

Izuku put his forehead back onto the steering wheel with a tiny thud. “Thanks.”

Denki laughed louder and patted Izuku’s shoulder playfully, then leant back in his chair and folded his arms. His voice was uncharacteristically serious when he said, “Dude. Listen to me. I know all about relationships and-”

“I thought you’d never actually been in a relationship?” Izuku pointed out from the steering wheel.

“Fu- that’s- hey, that’s literally not even important to the point I’m making, okay. I could have had a relationship before now. I’m not afraid of flying solo, so I’m just biding my time until someone meets my crazy high standards.” Denki pouted. “Anyway, I’m trying to have like. A moment here. Bro to bro. So…”

“Oh, yeah, sorry. Go on, I’m listening.” Izuku could barely hide the amusement out of his voice. He smiled as he sat back up to give his friend his full attention.

Denki cleared his throat a little. “Look, it’s simple - you just need to ask her out.”

“I’ve been trying to,” Izuku groaned wearily. That’s his big advice?

“Well try harder!” Denki gripped a fist in front of him in a battle pose.

Izuku was about to protest that he’d been trying as hard as he could, but he blinked and thought about it instead. Had he been trying his hardest? At any point he could have asked her out if he’d really gone for it. The times they’d been interrupted, or something had disconnected their schedules… He could have forged ahead and found a way around any obstacle if he’d really put his mind to it. That’s what he was good at. He thought of the flowers currently sitting in a saucepan of water on his kitchen table (on account of him not owning any vases). Try harder… That had been a step in the right direction but… It was such simple advice, but maybe Denki was right…

Ochako could have died that day…

The realisation hit him; it was time to be bold.

Denki must have seen that he was seriously considering what he had said because he continued in a smug voice, “See? I know what I’m talking about. From what you’ve told me about her, it sounds like she’s totally into you. Next time you see her you’ve got to go for it man, seize the day, go big or go home!”

“That’s actually... Wow, um, thanks for the advice Denki.” Izuku scratched the back of his neck, affection lighting up his smile. He spent so much time working with Denki that he forgot that they’d already built up a strong bond, just from how much they had to rely on each other and work so closely together. He was a jokester and didn’t take himself or life too seriously, but he was a loyal friend. It made Izuku even more determined to invite his friends to do fun things outside of work.

“You two will be one of those really grossly adorable couples,” Denki added, pulling a face.

Izuku gasped and playfully tapped him on the arm, pretending it was a punch. “Hey!”

Denki grinned and swatted his hand away. “Too easy.”

Usually a call came in while they were taking over from the night shift crew and getting settled into the ambulance, but today the radio was silent. Between incidents they would drive around the local area, ready to attend anything if they were contacted, so Izuku put the vehicle into gear, pulled away from the hospital and followed a familiar route around the city. Denki occasionally got his phone out of his pocket and cursed and muttered about shiny Pokémon.

Izuku could feel the anticipation of getting to his own phone like a background buzz through his mind as he drove. It had been days since he’d been able to work without something on his mind. Ever since he’d met Ochako…

He guessed he needed to prepare for the next seven days being like this. Hopefully they’d be able to stay in touch and it wouldn’t seem that bad.

--------------------

By the time Izuku dragged himself back through his front door they’d attended a vast array of different calls and incidents. He shrugged off his coat and threw it onto the kitchen table, beside the saucepan holding the bouquet of flowers, ruminating on the most notable calls they’d attended as he shuffled into his shower. There was a young woman who’d broken her arm in a horse riding accident, an old couple with scrapes and bruises after a minor car crash, a lucky young boy with some bruises that had fallen out of a tree and terrified his parents, and a middle-aged man who’d had a cardiac arrest at work. Denki had successfully shocked the man’s heart back into a rhythm with the defibrillator, but it had been a stressful call, and had kept them busy long after their shift had supposed to end.

Attending patients like that made Izuku glad that he chose the career he did. Without the two of them that man would certainly have died – cardiac arrest was as bad as it got. But he was safely in the hospital and things were looking positive for him, so Izuku wanted to check on him tomorrow and see how he was doing. It felt good to be able to do that without fear of Kacchan catching him checking in on the patients and yelling at him. The air between them was clearer now, though he suspected Kacchan would never be friendly and pleasant, but that was okay – it’s just the way he is.

Izuku gratefully stood under the shower’s hot spray and sighed. His days were long and hard, but he couldn’t imagine doing anything else. The water soothed his tired muscles and washed away the sweat of a good day’s work, so for a little while he simply stood and let the water run in hot rivers over his skin. He rubbed his scarred arm gently and flexed it up and down, working out the stiffness and aches.

Once he’d rubbed his hair vigorously with a towel and put on a sleeping shirt and some sweatpants, he made his way back into the kitchen, flopped onto a chair, and laid his head on his arms. Not only had it been a busy day, but the new workout he’d tried meant that nearly every muscle was aching, so it would be amazing to eat some quick food and climb into bed-

My phone!

Izuku leaped up from his seat so fast that his chair screeched and fell backwards with a clatter, and he ran to the bedroom, almost sliding to his knees on the carpet in his haste to get down to the floor. His hand groped in the narrow gap between his bed and the small bedside table and he crinkled his nose a little at the feeling of all the dust on the carpet, knowing he hadn’t ever put the hoover down there the whole time he’d lived in the apartment. Finally, he felt his pulse quicken as his fingers closed on something solid.

Izuku pulled it out with a triumphant sound and unlocked the screen. His eyes widened. Eleven new messages. That was more messages than he got in a whole month.

They were all from Ochako.

<Mmmm, just had some home-made stew, and I couldn’t stop thinking about how much you would have loved it!! (>v<) I hope you’re not working too hard Deku! And please eat something filling and wholesome if you are! (I know I know it’s like the pot calling the kettle black) (omg my mom’s terrible small town phrases are rubbing off on me and I’ve only been here one day,,,) (I’ll come back into the city and you won’t be able to understand me!!) Also I finally convinced my mom to stop sending me into the garden now the sun’s going down. I told her I’m feeling better but if I stay out there in the cold too long I’ll just get dick again>

<*SICK>

Izuku hadn’t been able to stop smiling the whole time he’d read through her messages. He could almost hear her voice while he read them.

It made him sad to think that she hadn’t had a reply from him all day.

He looked at the timestamp on the last message and realised she’d sent it half an hour ago, so chances were she’d still be awake. She’d said she can only receive and send messages when she was in the bathroom, so it’s not like she’d get it until tomorrow anyway, but he’d still send it, he decided, tapping on the screen.

<P.S. excellent autocorrect fail!! X>

Izuku huffed out a little laugh as he tapped send on his final message and smiled tenderly at his phone. A knotted, concerned feeling lifted from him; knowing that she was going to be having a nice week away was both comforting and sad.

He missed her.

--------------------

<Ah! Sorry I just got your message, I was having lunch out with my parents! There’s this amaaazing little restaurant near the farm my mom works at, and they use all the produce from it. I swear you can taste the Freshness ! It’s literally a signal black zone though. Oh! There’s this really cute wishing well that they’ve built into the restaurant so I threw a coin in it and made a wish (can’t tell you what it was though or it won’t come true!!) but I did take a good selfie with it that I’ll probably make my profile picture as soon as I return to the land of reliable internet x>

--------------------

<Don’t worry! Hope you’re having fun looking at some old memories! We finished on time today so me and Denki are having an after work coffee at a café you might know well… Your friend Mina was there and she said to tell you that she’s having to cover some of your evening shifts so you owe her, but she also said to tell you that she loves you and misses you. She’s so funny – and so full of energy! Hopefully I’ll get to see you there too one day?? X>

<Aaaaa! I can’t believe you went to Uravity! Please tell me that Mina didn’t tell you all the embarrassing stories she has of me! (>A<;) If she did, they’re all lies!! (I’m glad you can’t see me now actually, I’m sitting on top of Iida’s shoulders in the parking lot of the town hall – it’s the only place signal gets through here!) (again, don’t ask how we found out.) x>

<I’m dying over that image, and I don’t even know what your friend looks like! I loved it at Uravity, the stars and planets and stuff are really pretty. I can see why you like it. I’ve never even seen you there, but just the aesthetic and being there reminded me so much of you :( xx>

--------------------

<Izuku? Are you free? Xx>

<??? Xx>

<Sorry, just saw your reply! Ah no don’t worry! It’s ok! Night shift sounds rough! Please get some good rest tomorrow! You’re so kind Izuku, ready to jump in at the last minute to help out a friend. It’s not long until I get to come home anyway, so we’ll see each other then for sure! Can’t wait xxx>

--------------------

<It’s been nice to be looked after by my parents again for a little while but I’m ready to come back home now. It’s been nice to have a bit of tranquillity, since I’m always so busy and I don’t really make enough time to enjoy the little things - but I’m working on it, something you inspired in me xxx>

<I’m missing friends and I actually really miss my job. Every morning my dad makes himself a coffee so by the time I get into the kitchen there’s this lingering coffee smell and it makes me nostalgic xxx>

<Ok. I told my parents I’m going home tomorrow. I’ve enjoyed it but I really want to get back - so I’m hopping on a train tomorrow afternoon. Should be back in the city about 7.30ish? I could get a taxi from the station, but they’re so overpriced, so I’ll get the bus to the apartment - which means I’ll be getting home about 8 ! (^o^) I know that your night shift starts around then so we won’t be able to see each other, but I’ve still got a few days off work for my sicknote, so I’ll be in all day the day after! Xxx>

<Xxx>

--------------------

<Wait,, omg are you there??? X>

<It’s so good to talk to you in real time! Xxx>

<I’m just getting ready for work, I’m having ‘breakfast’ haha x>

<I’m not going to encourage anything but you should totally get the coffee xxx>

<That’s completely encouraging me!! xxx>

<Man, it sucks that we’re going to just miss each other :( xxx>

<Oh, got to go! It’s pulling into the station! Xxx>

----

>>>>[Read on AO3]<<<<

#Please let me know what you think - I'd love to know if you feel the time passing I did worked <3 #I loved the interactions this chapter #izuocha #izuocha fanfiction #izuku x ochako #bnha fanfiction #bnha #beep beep beep izuocha #beep beep beep #dekuraka #my fanfiction #my hero academia #mha fanfiction #mha fanfic

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poststhatmakemefeel · 6 years ago

Text

People pleasing and the "fawn" response

(I saw this go by on Facebook, and it was surprising how much it resonated. I'm copying it from ThreadReader, which got it from Twitter, where it was originally written by Sam Dylan Finch. Complete text below the cut. )

I want to share what has been, in the last year or so, one of the most important things I've realized about my own trauma history — something that has been massively important for my own healing.

Let's talk about the link between people-pleasers and emotional abuse. 🧵

Confession: I am a people-pleaser.

It took me a long time to realize this, though. Because I'm opinionated! And I speak my mind! I'm an "open book" about a lot of what I've been through. Clearly I don't care what people think... right?

But people-pleasing is a lot more complex than that. It's actually part of a trauma response. Most people know about fight, flight, and freeze — but another response, "fawn," is at the core of what people-pleasing is actually about.

To avoid conflict, negative emotions, and retraumatization, people who "fawn" when triggered will go out of their way to mirror someone's opinions and appease them in order to deescalate situations (or potential issues).

For me, this meant that the more invested I was in an emotional connection, the less likely I was to criticize that person, vocalize when my boundaries were crossed, express unhappiness with their behavior, or share anything that I felt might damage that relationship.

This could come across as being excessively nice and complimentary, overly-concerned with another person's happiness, and waiting for cues in conversation to determine if something was "safe" to share or disclose. People-pleasers are often considered "emotional chameleons."

People-pleasers are often really warm, encouraging, and generous people. They tend to overextend themselves and say "yes" to everything and everyone, eager to make those they care about happy and comfortable.

They often grow up in very controlling and chaotic environments, and internalized the idea that if they were perfectly good or well-behaved, they could minimize conflict and secure love and attachment.

And.

When you have this tendency to defer, make yourself subordinate, try to become smaller, ignore your boundaries and intuition, and minimize your own needs... you are profoundly vulnerable to emotional abuse.

When you are excessively concerned with pleasing others, you learn that in order to be effective at this, you have to shut down your gut instincts, your values, your emotions — bc being an individual, rather than a mirror, doesn't serve you in securing the love that you want.

People-pleasers can become drawn to abusive relationships, and repelled from relationships that are abundantly loving — because love has to feel "earned" in order to feel secure. In other words? If love is given too freely or easily, it doesn't feel safe.

This means people-pleasers can be drawn to relationships that are controlling (they feel safest when they defer to others), emotionally-withholding (they are driven by the need to "secure" affection/elated when they do), and even abusive (their lack of boundaries is exploited).

Another part of being vulnerable to abuse is that people-pleasers are so easily gaslit, because when they are inclined to suppress their own instincts, values, and beliefs, they're infinitely more likely to defer to an abuser's version of events or narrative.

This also means that "fawn" types often go through cycles of restricting emotionally (I can't be "too much" for others) & then purging emotionally ("unloading" onto a trusted person bc the expectation to be perfect gets to be too much).

(I think this is why so many of us have eating disorders — just an anecdotal observation, but I digress...)

People-pleasers (the "fawn" trauma response) isn't intended to manipulate others and it's not meant to be dishonest. Every single person presents a version of themselves to others. This merely describes how trauma informs that presentation on an often unconscious level.

The "fawn" response is driven by fear, not a hidden agenda. The "fawn" type is less about manipulation, because it's not being used to *overpower* someone. Instead, it's an excessive *relinquishing* of personal power, driven by fear and a desire for validation.

For example, someone who runs personal errands for their boss — despite it not being part of their job description — is not manipulating their boss into liking them. (It won't work anyway.) Their boss, testing those thin boundaries, is exploiting their need for approval.

In more intimate relationships, this can show up as "fawn" types gravitating towards hot/cold dynamics, where affection and love are offered unpredictably.

This is where the emotional abuse piece comes into play. You have someone who is controlling, who feels safest in relationships where they call the shots, and most loved when someone is actively seeking out their approval.

Enter: The "fawn" type.

An abuser will offer validation only to keep the fawn type tethered. But they'll withdraw that it before things feel secure, to ensure that the pleaser will continue going out of their way to "fawn" — continually giving over their power and autonomy so the abuse can continue.

I'm sharing this because, holy shit, my friends, the number of traumatic relationships I've thrown myself into — professionally, personally, romantically — to get stuck in this cycle, with my self-esteem pulverized, has made my heart so heavy.

It took stepping away from a friendship that had so thoroughly gaslit and demolished me — while plummeting into the deep depths of anorexia — before I realized that chasing controlling, emotionally unavailable, even abusive people was crushing my spirit.

I'm not going to leave you hanging, though. If you're reading this and say, "Holy shit... it me. Oh god. What do I do?" I'm here. I've got some advice, some books, some resources. Hang tight.

For starters, I'm going to ask you something: Which of your friends do you cancel on?

Personal experience: I had this tendency to bail on friends, partners, acquaintances, whoever, that were the most generous, warm, and emotionally-available. I avoided those relationships where love was free and easy. Because it didn't feel "earned," so I didn't feel "worthy."

Which isn't to say that everyone with this trauma response does this, BUT, we seek out the familiar. Which means many of us tend to avoid what feels unsafe. For people-pleasers, we're so used to working endlessly hard in relationships — it's disorienting when we aren't asked to.

I made a google doc (no, I seriously did) where I listed out people who were "way too nice to me." And then I asked myself, do I like this person? Do I enjoy their company? If I did, I sent them a text message and told them I wanted to commit to spending more time with them.

I was completely honest about my process with those folks, too. I said, "Listen, I get really scared when people are nice to me. You've always been SO nice to me, and I get afraid of disappointing you. But I want to change that, because I just enjoy your company so very much."

In my phone contacts, I put emojis by their names. I put strawberries next to people who were super loving. I put seedling emojis by folks who taught me things that made me think/grow. So when I saw a text from them, it reminded me that I should prioritize that message. 🌱🍓

And?

My life completely changed... in every imaginable way.

My "strawberry emoji people" went from being acquaintances/friendly to becoming chosen family that I literally could not imagine my life without.

With the help of some amazing therapy, I grew to love myself so much — because that love was being modeled for me in a healthy way.

I'm going into a partial hospitalization program for my anorexia in the next couple weeks (because I've taken it out on my body as much as I have my mind), and my strawberry people (who are now all in a group text together) have been there every step of the way. 😭❤️🍓

Resources!

I genuinely believe that every single person should be reading Pete Walker's book about complex trauma. "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma."

It's really damn good. It talks about fawn types in more detail!

I also wrote a blog entry last year about the pleaser/controller relationship type, if that sounds a little too relatable: https://letsqueerthingsup.com/2018/06/30/people-pleasers-can-be-drawn-to-toxic-relationships-its-important-to-know-why/

I chat a lot more about recovery from trauma/eating disorder stuff on my instagram as well. (I should probably be plugging it more regularly but I forget, sigh. Same handle as here!)

So if this type of content speaks to you, I write about this on a weekly basis over there. 🌱

Most of all though, I just want to validate the hell out of you. ❤️ I understand the very hellish cycle that we find ourselves in when we're consumed by this idea that we need to be "exactly enough," and that, if we measure it out correctly, we'll never hurt or be hurt again.

But relationships involve putting ourselves in harm's way sometimes. What they shouldn't involve, though, is self-harm — and ultimately, that's what "fawning" does. We're harming ourselves. We're making ourselves smaller, we're self-silencing, and we're punishing ourselves.

You are allowed to have ALL the feelings. You are allowed to take up ALL the space. You're allowed to be everything that you are & then some. The right people — your people — will love you even more when they see how expansive your life becomes when you give yourself that space.

It doesn't happen overnight. It's a process! But I want you to know that it's a process you can begin at any time. It's never too late to give yourself permission to be, to show up more authentically, and to find those who will celebrate you for it. I promise you that. ❤️✨

PHEW that was a really long thread but... if even one of you is like "wait fuck this I'm gonna let myself be loved" then it was 100% worth the followers I lost in the process. 😂

(To them, I am sorry for flooding your Twitter feed, but I did it out of LOVE.)

Okay ily byeeee 👋🏻

Adding to this thread, since so many of us are in our feels right now: I’m listening to the song “Sum Of Our Parts” by @marylambertsing and FEELING IT.

“Which part of you clipped your own wings?”

Hugs to every single one of you. ♥️♥️♥️

I added a strawberry next to my name. Each time you see it, please know it’s me, right by your side, cheering you on in this messy and beautiful and weird journey we’re all on. ♥️🍓

May you find your “strawberry people” and grow beyond what you ever thought possible! 🌱🌿🌷

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abusoemocionalmendoza · 2 years ago

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Will my BPD ex be different with the next guy?

Am I giving up too soon? If I try a little more, maybe things can go back to the way they were? Will the next guy get all the love, sex and the nice version of her I could have again if I just hang in a little longer and love her harder?

In a word, no.

Instead of asking, “Will my BPD ex be different with the next guy?” let’s ask a better question. “Will my BPD ex love bomb the next guy or gal?”

Of course, they will. That’s how they operate. Idealize, devalue, discard (boomerang, Hoover, discard). Sure, she or he will make some superficial changes to their false self during the love bombing stage with the next victim. However, there won’t be any meaningful changes. Specifically, changes that make it possible to have a healthy relationship that isn’t characterized by conflict, manipulation and abuse.

In other words, the window dressing may change, but it’ll be the same shitshow behind the blinds you’ve already had the misfortune to experience.

For example, she’s suddenly posting Instagram pics of venison dishes because the next guy is into game hunting. During your relationship, she was a vegan and raged whenever you indulged in an occasional cheeseburger. Another example, now that she’s with the next gal, she’s the life of the party. She and the new supply are all over social media at restaurants, clubs, etc. When you were together, you had to beg her to go out with you.

Rest assured, once the devaluation stage begins with the next guy whatever it is she’s been pretending to be will also come to an end. Just like it did with you. And that will be the fault of the next guy’s fault. Just like you were blamed for your BPD ex’s extreme ��personality change.”

Do borderlines, narcissists and histrionics change in the ways that matter?

Like developing integrity, a conscience and empathy? Becoming emotionally and psychologically stable and mature? Do they become accountable adults who take ownership of their choices and behavior? You know, the qualities that make it possible to have a healthy, loving relationship?

In a word, no.

Again, any changes the BPD/NPD/HPD ex makes in their next relationship are cosmetic tweaks. They’re superficial adjustments to their love bombing tactics, not positive personal emotional and psychological growth. The changes are target specific. When a borderline, narcissist or histrionic love bombs you, they mirror you. Ergo, when they love bomb someone else, they mirror the next guy’s identity, hobbies and values. Hence, the “changes.”

Furthermore, the borderline or narcissist’s personality doesn’t change. Rather, they reveal who they are as the love bombing ends. They may change tactics in terms of how they manipulate and abuse, or give themselves a public image makeover. However, who they are doesn’t fundamentally change. Thus, their true personality is revealed (not changed) once the love bombing stage ends. See the difference?

The love bombing or

idealization

stage has an expiration date.

Typically, relationships with borderlines, narcissists and histrionics are like a meal in reverse. It begins with an all you can eat dessert buffet, followed by a perfectly grilled steak. Then, it ends in the devaluation slaughterhouse where you receive the proverbial bolt to the head and are harvested for parts. Basically, you get all the so-called “good stuff” at the whirlwind beginning of the relationship.

And you get the good stuff for relatively little effort. It’s like “magic!” It’s instant connection, instant intimacy, instant trust, instant love — and instant bullshit. Then you’re hooked. Once you’re psychologically dependent on the BPD/NPD/HPD to feel good about yourself, you pay and pay until you’ve nothing left to give. Then you’re discarded, or kept on standby in case the NPD/BPD needs your for something. In healthy relationships, trust, intimacy, emotional attunement, etc., are established over time. Not a 36-hour first date.

Again, the love bombing expires after you develop a strong enough attachment to the BPD/NPD/HPD and/or bind yourself to them in a way it’s difficult to undo (e.g., marriage, kids). This is one of the reasons it can be so painful to end the relationship once the borderline or narcissist’s mask falls away and the abuse begins in earnest.

Frequently, the devaluation stage begins with gradual boundary tests. For example, a “bad day tantrum” here, and a “your friends are more important than me” silent treatment there. In other words, they test your boundaries in terms of how much abuse you’ll tolerate. In reality, you already flunked the first round of boundary tests during the love bombing phase.

Love bombing is a boundary test. As in do you have any boundaries? For example, did you:

Listen to all their victim stories on the first date, or first few weeks?

Take on a protector, hero, rescuer and/or fixer role?

Begin fighting their grudges and grievances for them? Blindly siding with them against the people their “enemies list” (they all have one!)?

Provide them financial assistance soon after meeting?

Allow and respond physical touch within minutes of meeting them (i.e., putting a hand on your arm or leg, pressing close against you when there are other seating options, etc.)?

Jump into bed right away?

Provide them housing after knowing them a short time?

Meet their kids within a few days or weeks?

Take vacations together shortly after meeting?

Your susceptibility to being love bombed is the first boundary test. Healthy non-codependent people don’t eagerly lap up love bombing like a thirsty animal at a watering hole in the Sahara. To healthier adults, love bombing feels inauthentic and too much too soon.

Once the borderline or narcissist determines (consciously or unconsciously) that you don’t have any boundaries (or, flimsy negotiable ones) the roller coaster car leaves the station. These individuals can be the most flattering of mirrors. After the emotional dependency on the BPD/NPD is established, the painful boundary tests begin.

For example, will you tolerate tantrums, double standards and other form abuse and not hold the borderline, narcissist or histrionic accountable? If you do, the devaluation stage begins and the second big con job commences. If you won’t tolerate their bad behavior, the relationship ends. Either you end it because you have enough self-respect to walk away. Or, the BPD/NPD/HPD ends it in a blaze of projection, gaslighting and victim playing. Whichever way it occurs, good riddance!

A relationships with a BPD, NPD or HPD is one long con job.

Love bombing is a lie. Yes, I know it felt real, and your feelings were real. Nevertheless, love bombing is a lie. What else do you call it when someone pretends to be someone they’re not in order to manipulate you into trusting, admiring and loving them, so they can then hurt and exploit you?

Con jobs by nut jobs.

The person you thought you fell in love with doesn’t exist. In reality, you fell in love with a pathology-work quilt of:

TV series and film characters the BPD/NPD/HPD mimicks.

Tried and true shtick that worked on their exes.

Emotional intensity confused for emotional intimacy.

The mirror reflection of your qualities, likes, dislikes, values, style, etc.

Salesmanship level flattery of your insecurities and thirst for unconditional love and acceptance that you probably didn’t get in childhood.

The nightmare at the and of the relationship is the same person you met at the beginning of the relationship. You just couldn’t see it. Or, perhaps you ignored some early red flags. The ideal person you believed them to be was a mask. Underneath the mask is the professional victim who will later sneer at you with contempt as they abuse you. And then claim that you abused them.

So, when you’re desperate to return to the beginning of the relationship, you’re actually yearning to return to the lie. Furthermore, if the BPD ex (or NPD ex) hides these qualities and behaviors while seducing you, it shows some degree of awareness. Specifically, that if they reveal the angry destructive toddler on the first date, there likely won’t be many second dates. It’s a con job.

The second con job.

The second con job begins as the love bombing ends. Love bombing can come to a body jarring halt, or occur gradually. Either way, the second big lie is that it’s all your fault. That their disinterest, cruelty and generally shitty behavior is your fault and it’s your job to make everything better.

So, what exactly have you done to turn your adoring “soulmate” into a petulant, angry, emotionally volatile, etc., etc.?

Something you did or didn’t do; something you’re doing too much or not doing enough. You love your family, friends and dog more than you love them. All you care about is work; you don’t work enough so she doesn’t have to work and can focus on her Etsy art. Then, you work too much and don’t have enough time for her, so it’s all your fault she has to cheat on you. You only workout regularly so other women or men will be attracted to you. Yet, they don’t want to have sex with you because you’re not in shape anymore.

You haven’t changed. And it’s not all your fault. The devaluation would occur even if it were possible to be the “perfect” man or woman. For that matter, the BPD/NPD/HPD hasn’t changed either. In fact, you’re beginning to see the first glimpses behind the facade of their false self.

The Mega Mindfuck Con Job.

Interestingly, the qualities the BPD/NPD claim first attracted them to you, are also the reasons they use to devalue you. As such, you need to change everything about yourself and become someone you’re not, so that the BPD/NPD will go back to pretending to be someone they’re not.

Let’s break the mindfuck down:

You’re the most amazing man or woman ever. The best sex ever. The BPD/NPD/HPD never felt this way before. They admire your talents. And love your devotion to your family, friends and work ethic.

The BPD is totally into everything you like and enjoy. Or, if not, expresses extreme enthusiasm to learn about your hobbies, etc.

Inevitably, you disappoint them in some way. The disappointment can be real or imagined. The roller coaster ride has reached its summit and the torturous descent begins.

How can the BPD/NPD be expected to trust you or even be civil to you when you forgot it’s the eighteenth anniversary of their pet goldfish Ivan’s death?! See!!!! You don’t love them enough!

You’re conned into believing the way to demonstrate your love, loyalty and devotion is by tolerating their childish, destructive and abusive behavior. As well as sacrificing other people and things that are important to you.

There is no end to this stage. It only ceases if you end the relationship or the BPD/NPD ends the relationship. If the BPD/NPD ends the relationship, many clients discover that the BPD/NPD/HPD already has the next guy waiting in the wings — or a motel room, new apartment, etc. I believe the kids today call this monkey branching.

True personality change is difficult and rare. We can change bad habits, break unhealthy patterns and learn more adaptive ways of relating to others. However, these changes aren’t possible without taking responsibility for our choices and recognizing the need for change. By their very nature, personality disordered individuals are incapable of this. Even when some infrequently acknowledge wrongdoing, they blame others, play victim and demand love and support despite their ongoing abuse.

Yes, but will my BPD ex be different with the next guy?

Yes and no. The love bomb persona they adopt may differ, but it mask the same clusterfuck of character pathology. Your fear of missing out on love is likely an indicator of your own unresolved childhood issues. In my practice, I see this as evidence of a wounded child who’s still desperate for the love of a rejecting, abusive parent.

Kids who feel unloved by mom and dad believe it’s their fault. As such, they have to believe if they can be better/do better, they’ll be able to get their parents love. Isn’t the fear an abusive NPD/BPD/HPD ex will somehow miraculously change into a loving decent human being the same kind of magical thinking a wounded unloved child engages in? If this applies to you, you can’t heal those childhood wounds by incurring more abuse from the BPD/NPD ex.

You heal by protecting your wounded child self from people who’ll continue to lie and hurt you because you matter. You’re no more at fault for an abusive BPD/NPD ex’s behavior than you were as a child for an abusive BPD/NPD parent’s behavior. Furthermore, you’re also no more responsible for or capable of fixing an abusive BPD/NPD ex than you were responsible for or capable of fixing an abusive BPD/NPD parent.

So yes, the next guy or gal will be love bombed like you were. But it will also turn into a painful mindfuck for the next guy or gal just like it did for you. Instead of feeling jealous and a fear of missing out, wish the next guy good luck and the BPD/NPD ex good riddance!

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nfl2sevensummits · 4 years ago

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The power of curiosity. Dr Lara Pence helps change lives to be the best version of ourselves...

192: Laura Pence: PsyD Doctor, Theraand Founder of LIGHFBOX discusses how she evolved from her early beginnings as a high school athlete, to her involvement in the Spartan Championships and treating patients that battle eating disorders.

Laura Pence

Today’s guest Laura Pence discusses her introduction to the Spartan Championships at a point in her life where she had been in a private practice as a psychologist for about 10+ years and was experiencing a nagging feeling that there was something else she should be doing. “I got this random, and I mean random, phone call from this gentleman who was producing a documentary for Spartan, and they said, we are doing this documentary. We want to talk and really highlight the importance of taking care of your body in order to take care of your mind, and we wanted to interview you for the documentary. I sort of flipped it the other way. I’m like, we have to take care of our mind first if we want to take care of our body.”

On this episode of Finding Your Summit Podcast, we talk with Laura Pence, PsyD, Therapist, and Founder of LIGHFBOX about signing up for her first Spartan race. “I had heard of obstacle racing before and adventure racing. But I had always been your average athlete I guess. I mean, I played soccer from 7th grade all the way through college. I played basketball up until college. I always valued physical activity and movement. So, I had heard of things like obstacle races and tough mudder runs and stuff like that. But, I had never done one. So, I find Joe in my office and I am an individual who truly believes that if I am going to get behind something, I’ve got to do that thing that I am going to get behind. So the day before had signed up for a Spartan race.”

What You Will Learn:

Laura Pence describes what she learned about the Spartan Championships. “I am watching the physical manifestation of what I had been asking my clients to do for 10-11-12 years, to walk through things that are difficult, to overcome obstacles, to carry heavy weight, right? To use support people for assistance in their journey. Like, all of these metaphors that I had used in my office with my clients. You are carrying the emotional weight of your trauma from five years ago. We’ve got to overcome this wall that you have up against hearing good things about yourself. I was seeing the physical manifestation of that in the area at AT&T Stadium with these individuals running the Spartan race, and I was immediately hooked.”

Does Laura Pence believe that training a strong mind can train a very strong body? “I believe that they work so much in tandem. I think for each of us we have to start somewhere. Some people start with the mind, right? Some people start with really dialing into their mindset and the psychology that is going on, and other people start with their body and then the mind starts to follow. So, I think for each individual it is different. There are people, for example, who have come into my office struggling with addiction, let's say. First what they want to work through, or what they think would be helpful for them to work through is a past trauma, right? So, we do that and at some point, because inevitably it happens in my office, I encourage them or ask them, or inquire with them, get curious with them about movement. How does movement fit into their life?”

When people come to Laura Pence who feel stuck in their life, how does she do to get them started to get unstuck and passionate about something? “You can literally Google ‘list of values’ and you can find a list of images of values, 30 values, 50 values, and then you can go through the process. You can pick 10, right? Pick 10 values that feel aligned with you. What I mean by that is that if somebody were to give a speech about you, what would you want them to say? For me, a lot of it has to do with adventure, and family, and integrity, and honesty. So, when you think about what would you want your friends to say if they are giving a speech about you, that could be a guiding place for you picking your values.”

Laura Pence talks about her approach to therapy. “I like to call myself a more active therapist. I don’t necessarily publish this on my website. If you get my newsletter you certainly see it. I like to unravel bullsh*t...The truth is, I don’t know how much time I’m going to have with any given client. They only sign up for one week at a time, even if we have scheduled the same day and time for the next 52 weeks. I don’t know if they are going to come back next week. So, I have a limited amount of time with them to make the biggest impact. For me, yes, it is important to talk about feelings I think, and explore feelings. The truth is, half the time people don’t know what they feel.”

How did she find herself in the lane of becoming an expert in treating eating disorders? “When I was in high school, I had a best friend who had a pretty raging eating disorder. There was sort of a critical moment in my own life in the athletic arena where I was a captain of the soccer team and she was my best friend. As a captain of the soccer team the coach consults with the captains on who they want on the team and who they think is appropriate for the team. We were a great soccer team. We got second in state my senior year. It was a big deal to make varsity. I remember senior year she tried out for the team. I was a captain and we had a discussion, me and the other two captains and the coach about whether or not she would make the team because we all knew she had an eating disorder and I was rightfully torn.”

The Word ‘Curiosity’

What power does Laura Pence believe the word ‘curiosity’ has? “To me, curiosity puts us in a state of wonder, and it also strips away our expertise and our attachment to know. When we give ourselves the opportunity to not know, first of all, it strips away our ego immediately. Because if we don’t know and if we are ok with not knowing, then we don’t have to be right. So much about being right is about ego. Curiosity allows you to step into a position of wonder, also without judgement if you are able to do that. It is hard sometimes to do that. It is hard to be curious about how you think, how you feel, how you behave, how you relate, how you engage with the world without having judgement seep in.”

Eating Disorders in Dallas

During this episode of Finding Your Summit Podcast, Laura Pence discusses the work she has done in Dallas treating people dealing with eating disorders. “Dallas is a place that feeds off of perfectionism and doing the most things as possible. Which, inevitably, for any person is going to be burdensome, and stressful, and difficult, and put you in a place of being emotionally dysregulated. So, that was really the maintenance of my practice, working primarily with individuals in Dallas. Really in a lot of ways Mark, my work with eating disorders propelled me to work with athletes.”

Links to Additional Resources:

Mark Pattison: markpattisonnfl.com

Emilia’s Everest - The Lhotse Challenge: https://www.markpattisonnfl.com/philanthropy/

Laura Pence website:drlarapence.com

Laura Pence social media: Instagram

Lighfbox website: lighfbox.com

Lighfbox social media: Instagram

Check out this episode!

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fashiontrendyclub · 5 years ago

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How the surgical mask became the fashion industry’s beacon of hope

When California and New York announced statewide lockdowns late last week, it was a jolt to workers in the notoriously hard-working fashion industry. Rather than take it lying down, many started fighting for their companies. They may have closed their stores, but they put store associates to work to optimize their online presence. They halted operations in distribution centers, but enabled shipping from closed stores. And rather than cease production altogether, they found a workaround in the form of making medical masks — a task that fulfills a large global need, plus provides a sense of comfort to workers during an unprecedented time. For this story, I interviewed seven fashion workers from seven fashion brands that have put employees to work making or distributing masks. All reported a different production quota and, controversially, described a different set of standards that their versions meet. Many of their masks would be rejected by a hospital. Brooklyn-based luxury designer Kelsey Randall said she started with a goal of making masks and encouraged others to follow suit after being inspired by non-profit organization Global Response Management’s #millionmaskchallenge initiative, aimed at providing masks to high-risk communities. Her version is neither FDA-approved nor N95-grade, but it can be washed and reworn, which is a plus during the shortage, she said. And they can help those providing essential jobs, like grocery workers. To get support from other sewers, including fashion students sent home for the semester, she’s shared the pattern in Instagram posts and Stories, plus it’s featured on the homepage of kelseyrandall.com. Then there was New York Fashion Week regular Michael Costello, who has set out with his team to make 20,000 masks, starting with a lower-grade version until materials become available. The first batch, made from a cotton-nylon blend, provides 70-74% air filtration, compared to a surgical face mask that provides 97%. Eventually, he’ll move to working with vacuum cleaner bags with HEPA filters, which according to his research, are nearly as effective as N95 masks. Neiman Marcus has partnered with fabric retailer Joann Stores to make fabric masks, which the CDC has approved as a crisis response option amid a critical shortage, said Willis Weirich, Neiman Marcus’ svp of supply chain. One-hundred Neiman Marcus alterations workers in three factories are going to town. There was also Paige Mycoskie, founder of California-based Aviator Nation, who said she’s compiled a team to work in the company’s warehouse to daily produce thousands of surgical masks, which they then are sending to hospitals in the area. “Every little bit helps,” she said. And outside of the U.S., Marianna Rosati, creative director of Italian fashion brand Drome, said she and her “small taskforce” of up to seven seamstresses have signed on to make 100-150 masks every day that meet the standards for Italian health-care providers. Other companies are doing their part by funding or distributing masks: L.A.-based Sene Studio, which makes custom workwear, is donating “tens of thousands” of FDA-certified medical masks made in its factory to more than 200 hospitals, said CEO Ray Li. It’s seeking funding from celeb types to ramp up production, as it has the capacity to make 500,000 masks on a weekly basis. And Danielle Bernstein’s e-commerce company. Shop WeWoreWhat, is distributing 5,000 N95 masks produced in its factory to health-care workers by way of donation platform Mask a Hero. All the companies said they’re donating the masks, and aside from Neiman Marcus’ deal with Joann, all are paying for needed supplies. They’re also taking safety precautions, like providing workers with masks and enforcing a rule of six feet, minimum, between them. But in talking with them, some less expected commonalities became apparent. Most notably, most everyone orchestrating the mask-making exercise sees it as a way to ensure their employees’ mental health, and their own. Randall said she’s been “panicking and really scared” about the coronavirus’ potential effects since January, but she started feeling especially helpless last week, when she began self-quarantining in her apartment-slash-work studio. “I was still sewing and doing projects, as normal, but I was so anxious,” she said. “It’s just a stressful time, and I was losing a lot of sleep. So I asked the universe for a sign that I am taken care of and can somehow be of service, and that’s when I got the email from Global Response Management .” Since, she, her assistant and her interns, have been pouring their energy into securing materials, making masks and seeking out other sewers to contribute. Randall’s friends from fashion school have signed on to make masks, as have fellow designers. Randall’s team is also creating DIY packets with all materials needed to make the process simple for all sewers who opt to sign on. Costello said he had a hint of the coronavirus’ impact on the U.S. when his suppliers in China and Italy began cancelling orders last month. “Still, I really didn’t expect anything like this to happen,” he said. “It really feels like the end of time, like biblical times.” His company is located in California, and he began sending his employees home last week, following the state’s mandate for non-essential businesses to close shop. “It hurt not waking up and getting to see the ladies I’ve been used to seeing every day, 12-14 hours a day, for the last seven years,” he said. “We cried, and we kept crying, and we decided to get back together this week to try to work.” Working with a max of two people per room, he and three seamstresses started making masks, and he said they’ll continue to do so until it’s business as usual — despite naysayers. “I keep getting messages from people on email and social media saying that the government will not approve them, hospitals won’t take them, they’re not going to help and I should just stay home,” he said. “But that’s not the case. We’re also giving people hope and something to do in this time of isolation.” It’s about keeping the energy up, echoed Aviator Nation’s Mycoskie. “I was hearing from my team that they wanted to help, and so I said let’s do it — and that’s what’s fueling me right now, really taking care of our people.” she said. Others had similar sentiments: “It’s a very weird time for everyone,” said Rosati. “There’s uncertainty about the future, about how everyone will continue to make a wage — so you’ve got to foster relationships and consider people’s mental health.” Li referenced a brief by consulting firm Bain & Company, stating that, in crisis, people are looking for a way to ease their anxiety, get what they need, and feel a sense of belonging and community. He has kept that in mind in managing his employees during this time. “If you’re busy trying to help other people, you’re not going to be in fear, yourself,” he said, noting that one employee volunteered to personally fund the making of 500 masks. Likewise, Neiman Marcus workers have fully embraced the concept. The idea to make masks came from an employee who also established the Joann partnership, and alterations specialists have asked how their family members in the same field can contribute, said Weirich. “We’ve really focused on internally getting our associates excited about the partnership and the collaboration,” he said. It’s worth noting that bankruptcy rumors have been swirling around Neiman Marcus this week. “We’re really committed to creating a moment that really brings people together, emotionally. It’s a kind of story that we need right now.” In addition — aside from the obvious motivator of containing coronavirus, which is restricting sales entirely for Costello and Randall — the workers admitted that marketing social good was related to their decision to take on mask production. “If someone’s going to spend money now, they’re going to spend it with a company that’s trying to make a difference,” said Li, in terms of immediate sales. And Costello is aware of how his actions now will impact consumer behavior post-coronavirus. He noted that others should use this time to be as thoughtful: “I hate seeing influencers not using their voice or using #coronavirus to drive followers to their social channels,” he said. “In the end, every aspect of the fashion industry is going to suffer, including influencers — because where are they going to go, and who’s going to dress them? They might as well use their voice now, and get something good going for themselves.” As for Bernstein, she said her own mask project has inspired her to do more: “All of my upcoming launches will have a charitable initiative attached to them,” she said. Finally, Randall said she hopes larger companies will catch wind of what she’s doing and get inspired. “What I’m doing is an imperfect solution to a medical supply crisis that can really only be solved by large corporations using the resources they have, like automation. It doesn’t make sense that I am sitting here cutting layers of fabric — but that’s what we can contribute right now.” Source Read the full article

#beaconofhope #fashionindustry #surgicalmask

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kunalkarankapoor · 5 years ago

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I'm a crazy fan of NBT & KKK… i have watched NBT's Tamil dubbed version 'Nenjam Peuthe'. it's a unique story i have never seen...!!! I like KKK's hairstyle, expressions, acting & specially his eyes...!!! I haven't enough words to express my feelings about NBT & KKK..but my drawings can..... From, Sinthu Sagayan, tamil fan of NBT & KKK

By Pushpa Kunal Karan Kapoor is a rainbow in my life. I don’t know where to start and what to write about Kunal’s performance. I am not a writer, lots my FB friends wrote lots of things about Kunal’s performance so i want to write about how Kunal came into my life, how he changed my thoughts about life and how crazy I am over him. Kunal came into my life like a fresh air, he is my rainbow because he brought lots of colours into my life. Before NBT, there was a bleakness in my life, bareness and loneliness captured my life to the fullest. I felt very depressed even when there were lots of people around me. I used to have lots of negative thoughts in my mind. I used to feel my life was meaningless and wondered why I am living a life like this etc,.. Being a disabled girl, home is my world. I have never seen the outside world much. The only time i used to see the world is when I go to hospital. So TV is my world and I used to watch lots of tv programs and of course serials too. That time I used to like GC a lot .On 9th Jan 2012 when I was watching his serial at 10:30p.m, during AD break I was switching channels when I saw a guy is chasing a girl. Due to curiosity I stopped, that was the first time I saw KUNAL. The truth is, the next day I didn’t watch NBT on prime time BUT I never forgot to watch it in repeat telecast. Things went on like this for few days. The first thing which attracted me towards Kunal was his mischievous deeds and dialogue, mesmerizing gaze n captivating voice and most importantly his natural acting. Till then I saw lots of actors overacting including my then favourite GC. I never saw all this combination in one man before. Slowly Kunal’s magic was capturing my mind. One day I was watching GC performing a emotional scene, my mind automatically started to compare his acting with Kunal. My mind said What is he doing? If Kunal was in this scene he would have nailed it right on the dot with his expressions. That was the last time I watched GC and I shifted to NBT on prime time. I started to amazed , mesmerized seeing his performance in each episode. I used to watch all episodes repeated telecast also because of Kunal’s magic. My sister used to scold me saying I have gone mad? I became more crazier after navaratri episode and lift scene... Whenever I feel low or depressed I used to watch his episodes, interviews, VM's. I will feel automatically refreshed n charged up. Before NBT , i know nothing about computers, internet. I don’t even have basic knowledge about them. After season 1, I wanted to know more about Kunal as a person . Till then I knew only him as Mohan Bhatnagar. Due to this reason I bought a tab through my saving . Slowly, I found out who Kunal is as a person. I used to watch lots of award functions and interviews of other stars. I used to get irritated with the arrogance of some television stars that I came across. But whenever I see Kunal I used to be amazed with his simplicity. When I got the privilege to watch his interviews, I found out what a nice, down to earth person he is! Whenever i watch his interviews I will have a big smile on my face. He will always be very genuine and honest in his reply, I like this he most about him. I never felt as if i am watching a celebrity. In the journey of exploring more about Kunal, I started downloading all his previous shows episode which I never got a chance to watch before. Whenever I watch Angad, I will smile and blush . I mean, I smile at a local goon teasing a girl. But when I realize the real reason behind is , of course the reason is KUNAL KARAN KAPOOR. It was super duper fun to watch him as Madonna. Playing a girl role was not easy but he did it with so much ease. Hats off to you Kunal. The suicide attempt scene of Yudi gave me the shudders-goose bumps, brought a wave of sadness that remained with me for long. I found AMREEK as a very adorable character. In the end I cried seeing his character being killed. I just love his Punjabi ascent. Reading about him gives me lots of happiness . I searched lots of article about him and I wanted to keep them my whole life, so I have taken printed copy of them. I am not fond of reading but reading articles about him gives me immense happiness. One thing I adopted from Kunal reading habit. Before NBT, I don’t know anything about FB, TWITTER, INSTAGRAM, INDIA FORUM, TUMBLR, IMGUR. But just to follow him I joined all them and he is the first person I followed. Through all of this I explored lots of things in my life which I never knew before. Then came the sensational NBT, which completely stole the hearts of thousands of audience, including me. Whatever I described about NBT, it will never be the most appropriate as I am not able to put the impact of NBT in words. It is just above words and description. Then out of the blue within a short notice came another of his benchmark show, Doli Armano Ki. I saw again the amazing performance of Kunal in another perspective altogether. It was an addition to the collection of memories of Kunal. Still cherishing it, while regrets are there of it’s short life span. I don’t have lots of friends before NBT, my life was confined within the four walls of my room. Because of NBT and Kunal I got lots of friends. I started learning to express my thoughts and feelings. I learnt editing pic & video, Now , makingVMs on Kunal’s show is my hobby. My happiest moment of life is when Kunal got ITA Award n 18th Jan 2015, 22Jan 2015, 22 july2015, 22aug 2015.These are the days Kunal liked my comment n read my messages. I used to message him during Doli Armano Ki, and he always read my message. I felt as if the whole world of joy was at my disposal. If Kunal is nominated for any award, if he didn’t get it I would feel very sad through out the day. If Kunal is nominated for any poll, I will vote him for hours . These little little things gave me lots of happiness n satisfaction For the last 3 years I celebrate his birthday with my tuition students. They used to ask me “akka today is Kunal’s birthday? They also know my craziness for him. It gives me immense happiness and satisfaction. I have only one wish in my life, that is I want to meet KUNAL. I know this wish will never come true in this janam, So at least if Kunal mention my name or write my name, that day will be my best day in my life. I cannot describe the words.... I missed the chance to contribute for his birthday celebration, if I contributed my name would have appeared in front of his eyes. I regret that every day. Whenever I see non talented, non deserving persons ruling the tv industry n award function it feels deeply hurting. It’s really sad to see that an actor of a great caliber, Kunal Karan Kapoor has to wait so long to get a role worth his talent. He deserves lots of success than most other tv actors. Kunal has set up the standard of acting at such a great height,that it is impossible now to find any current actor or show watchable. I miss you so much Kunal, i wish you get a new show as per your liking and come back soon to mesmerize us through your performance. Always be happy n also make us happy too. I wish you lots and lots of happiness, success, fame, health and wealth in your life forever. Lastly, thanks Kunal for coming into my life. You have influenced, inspired my life in many ways. Thanks for making me believe and obtaining hope in life through your characters. Lots of love KUNAL. Thank u so much to the admin of Kunal’s fan page for giving me such a great opportunity to express my love for KUNAL.

Ahana Mitra Nbt happened to me...it impressed me and left it's impressions on my mind.. I can never forget those evenings spent watching nbt..those wonderful moments imagining the moment when megha and Mohan would unite..dreaming about kunal and akangsha.. I was very young Back then..11 years..I was emotionally attached to Mohan..I used to cry into the nights..when Mohan despaired..used to go to school and discuss last days episode.. Nbt moulded my character..made me what I am..I dress and talk like a boy..I dream of becoming a journalist..I am on the way to becoming a successful direction..I love acting..all thanks to Mohan.. I believe Kunal is a great actor..his "arey yaar" will be immortal..his comradie with nanhi will be immortal.. When season one came to an end..I stopped watching tv ..it was too lonesome without them.. Personally..kunals travelling instincts..bookishness ..talent..intellectualism..all appeal to me a lot..one of my role models in life..kkk stay happy stay mohan

By Riya

Hi This is for the very first time I'm writing something for you Kunal ..,Actually I can't express how much I respect you & adore you...You are the Most talented actor I have ever seen... How I met Kunal I was a girl who can watch anything & everything ...but wasn't addicted to any particular show or actor ... It was mid March of 2012 & my 12th board exams were going on ...I think it was Sunday morning & my cousin who is a lawyer was watching a TV show .. Initially I was surprised because I have never seen him watching any frictional show & my reaction was like what is this bhaiya you watching a TV show? & he was like watch it first .. & I started watching with him.. It was the repeat telecast of NBT mahaepisode..."The very famous lift wala episode". I thoroughly enjoyed ...I was like how can any show be so realistic ...specially the last scene where Mohan was singing .. It's was so real & natural ...From then on-words I started watching NBT...After watching NBT I realised what real acting is & what all crap I was watching before ...Never seen any actor who can emote well that sometimes I feel it's not Mohan its Kunal...gradually I realised its Kunal who made me crazy for the show ...My respect & love for Kunal increased further after watching his interviews and off screen segment ..He is truly an inspiration ...The most humble, down to earth & an honest person ...His smile have a power to make you smile no matter what the situation is...I never followed any celebrity from Hollywood, Bollywood or Tally Wood except Kunal ...whenever I feel low or depressed I just watch his show or his interviews & feel refreshed & happy...Not only NBT I watched all his previous show...and I always feel how can someone be so perfect ...He was equally good in his all shows ...loved his performance ... After NBT, LRL is my second most favourite show ...your absence hurts a lot & a update from you makes me happy like anything...After NBT I really missed you a lot ...used to check your Twitter & Facebook account in every hour to get any news or update ... & you came back as Shaurya...I was very upset on that day & thought to check your Twitter account to divert my mind ..and I saw your tweet : "Oh and btw...I think you guys should watch @ZeeTV tonite at 10.30... #jussayin...love...". And I was suddenly very excited .. Why he said this? .. I was aware about the leap, but the promo guy was not at all like Kunal...maybe he is promoting his friend..!! Maybe voiceover..maybe he is back !!! I was full of excitement ...read fans comment ..and finally it was confirmed he is back .. I was on cloud 9...Enjoyed each & every episode of DAK & of screen bonding of the DAK cast ...I was very sad & disappointed with new of DAK ending ... But then as our hero said everything happens for the best .. I'm sure something bigger and better is waiting for Him.. Can't express the kind of excitement & happiness I feel when you are on screen..waiting for the excitement & happiness Kunal ... Hope the wait will end soon..wish you lots of happiness & success .. May you get all you wish for .. Keep smiling & keep rocking .. Maybe I'm not the biggest fan but I'm surely a die heart fan of yours.. Riya ...

March 2016

First of all, this show is the only serial that I have ever watched in my entire life. I saw one of my friend seeing this serial in youtube. I started watching this character... and instantly fell in love with Mohan and Megha.

Mohan is not only a funny character but also a guy of high intelligence and obedience... He was so true to his character that it never felt like he was acting, Mohan was real… The serial itself rocks so much, all characters are just the best. With a superb and important essence of Mr.Mohan Bhatnagar. Mohan = kunal, the best human being and the best character. I fell more for him when he became a matured father in season 2, where his role in season 2 was epic.. incomparable to any other star.

I being a big fan of his, wanted a partner just like him. To my amazement, yes… I did. He is not exactly Mohan but a man of same principles. Thus if any of the Admin or someone who truly like my post, please convey my heartfelt thanks to Kunal Karan Kapoor, if by any chance u meet him. Following him and his ways has changed my thoughts and has brought a lot of happiness in my life.

Mr Kunal Karan Kapoor.. bas ek akhiri baat bas yahi kehni h tumse.. "yadon me kitni dafa tumhara naam pukarti rahi magar kya kru mujse hi aaya na gaya..ek gam jo tumne dia mujse bhulaya na gaya..." forever in love with you Mohan.. forever..

From, an ardent fan of Kunal Karan Kapoor

Vanshu S ........Kunal aka Mohan No doubt he's d best actor ever on TV d way he acts and connect his emotions to d viewers..... Every time he cried for Megha he made me cry..... I feel lucky coz even my name is Megha.... those wavy uncombed hair... That sharp pointed nose... That habit of eating chewing gum... D blunders he made.... I can say I am in love with mohan..... His relationship with chavanni (nanhi) and mirchi madam (megha) and guru..... I just remember d episode he cried for d first tym for Megha..... Every background song played in d show.... Every spcl episode.... I even watch it on YouTube when I miss kunal.... That was d best show ever with a moral story.... D perfect couple..... D best actors like kunal and akansha.... I was so happy with d sequel as well..... I hope kunal keeps going with d grt work ..... Want to c him again on screen with a bang.... And a bold unforgettable character as mohan.... Love u kunal Keep up d gud work....

Hi! I would like to share my thoughts on KKK too. There it goes.... Beginning of everything has some or the other memory attached to it! 4 years back, in 2012, it was basically a start of new life for me, as school was over and college was being looked forward to. Never was I a fan of hindi TV soaps, but when parents came back home, tea time with them was always with a side-dose of then running shows. And just like that, the promos of NBTNMKK started airing! The profession of a journalist has always had me a little inclined, because my grandfather was one! And then appears this character, Mohan Bhatnagar. Messy hair, plaid shirt and that signature reporter jacket and like a cherry on this perfect cake, that noncholant tone of voice! There was something very intriguing yet relaxing about it all. And hence began the journey of the show and my attachment to it. Every episode was a roller-coaster ride and every end was a cliff-hanger to me, I was that addicted to it. Maybe it was the emotional turmoil for beginning a new life or the nostalgia of leaving the old days behind, this character gave me a stand to support my mind on! I got involved in college, forgot about television as the craze and frenzy of movies took over. There was only me and my laptop. As I welcomed 2016, there was yet another change. Job life starts. I am to re-locate yet again. Leaving 4 years of memories just like that, not even a proper gooddbye. And while surfing youtube, I stumbled upon the show again. Started watching it again. Like crazy. Back in 2012, I was quite kiddish. Now I see, how lively Kunal Karan Kapoor has made the character. There is so much to him, and every detail is projected so beautifully! Great idea of the crew to team it up with Shafqat Amanat Ali's soulful songs! Its all just a treat for a craving soul. A soul craving for some support, some re-assurance, that everything will be alright! Years ago, I had taken the support of this character and I am doing the same now. I am so very thankful for the creation of Mohan Bhatnagar, and even more thankful to Mr.Kunal Karan Kapoor for giving so much life to the words, that its more than over-whelming! Little things make people happy. Beyond the serene storyline and perfection of direction, there is some spark in his character, all credits to him, that still holds the power of re-surrecting a drowning soul!

Devanshi Nigam

At first I had seen Kunal Karan Kapoor in Pratigya and I was like “eeekk ye kon hai, paan khata hoa”. But my sister says “ye kisi ache role me ayega na phir dekhna”. In 2011, I was going through depression phase, totally shattered and then the magician came as a relief from my stressful life. I had seen trailers and I was stunned “aray ye to pratigya wala villain hai, kitna change lag raha hai, sooo handsome. My sister said “maine kaha tha na”.

I turned on television on 9th of January 2012, at the time when Nanhi was making wish and here comes the Spiderman, Nanhi’s wish was fulfilled. I had seen the whole season and liked it very much; it was not like regular saas bahu dramas. The friendship bond between Chawwani and Spiderman, Mohan-Guru bond, fights of Mohan and Mirchi Madam, Mohan’s tagline “aray yar, suunnna” and Megha’s “aji! suntay ho”, all the elements are really superb and extraordinary.

And then it was any month of 2015; I was getting so much bored. Nothing good on television so I decided to start seeing NBTNMKK Season 1 again as nothing else is good as it is, so I just started. I could not see whole season 2 in 2013 and did not have any intention to see it again, but one day when I was searching for season 1 episodes suddenly I caught by the episode in which Mohan died, I played that episode casually. I was really upset by seeing how much Addu is bitter towards Mohan and then suddenly Mohan fell from the hill and that was the moment; it was like “Mohan ke girnay ke sath sath mera dil bhi doobta ja raha tha”. Then I see whole season 2, and I was amazed by Kunal Karan Kapoor’s acting, I was amazed that how a person can portray one character in totally two different ways. Mohan Bhatnagar in SSN 1; carefree but still so much caring, hilarious and his bindaas style uff ! and Mohan Bhatnagar in SSN 2; having so much pain and guilt in his heart. I searched about him and his dramas and started seeing Left Right Left, see Dolly Armano Ki just because of him. I get to know how much talented and fine actor he is and above all how wonderful he is as a human being.

The most amazing fact about him he is the reason of smile to a lot of people. But I like this fact of him most because he make me smile when I forgot what is happiness, I forgot how to laugh. He is the charmer,magician and above all he is inspiration for me. He is inspiration for me to do something for myself.

Kunal Karan Kapoor I wish you all the best and hope to see you soon on screen, Cheers

Asha Pari's story!

"yaadon me kitni dafa, tumhari gali tumhara dard pukarta raha..." yeh shayari waise toh aam hai, but jab aapki aawaaz me suni, tab uske har lafz ki gehraai ko samajh paai. Tab se lekar aaj tak meri ek hi wish hai ki main just once in a lifetime aap se milu aur aapko yeh poem sunau. kam se kam 10 baar maine iss poem ki recording kii but apni awaaz main wo dard hi na laa paai jo aapki awaaz me tha. K3, the king of expressions, the most versatile actor of television, etc NA BOLE TUM NA MAINE KUCH KAHA toh chala gaya, par apne saath de gaya woh hame kuch khatti-meethi yaadein, kuch log jo jaane anjaane hamari zindagi ka ek atut hissa ban gaye i.e K3, akangsha singh, etc jinse milna mushkil hoga but namumkin nahi, chahe mile na mile but unke liye hamara pyaar toh hamesha rahega unconditional. some really unforgettable things of nbtnmkk, 1."arrre yaaar" jo aaj kal koi bhi kahe, par ham mudkar jaroor dekhte hai ki wo kahi kunal karan kapoor toh nahi. 2."paapu" aajkal toh main apne papa ko bhi paapu keh ke bulaati hu. 3."mirchi madam" ab toh har mirchi hame mirchi madam ki yaad dilaati hai. 4."ae chavvani sunna " chavani milna toh band ho gayi, but yeh chavvni koi nahi bhool payega. 5."spiderman" ab tak sabke liye spiderman sirf ek laal kapde pehen kar ucchalne wala insaan tha, but tabse spiderman ki toh paribhasha hi badal gayi. kuch aisi yaadein aur inke kirdaar chahe kitne hi kyun na badal jaye par hamare liye kabhi nahi badlenge... issi ke saath main K3 ko apne future ke liye all the best kehna chahungi aur unke fans ko fans ko bhi all the best kehna chahungi ki wo bhi kabhi na kabhi unse mil paaye, aur sabse bada all the best mere liye .....TAAKI MAIN APNI LIFETIME ME BAS EK BAAR UNSE MIL PAAU.... -- Varishka

It was d month of March 2012 and d Holi track was going on in NBT,when I first watched it..12th board exams were going on & I needed something as a stress buster,so as per my cousin sister's suggestion I thought to give it a try!! From that very episode,I got curious to know about its plot & luckily d same week I saw its 'Kahani ab tak'..I wondered why I missed it despite it was one of my family's favorites..!! My first reaction after hearing Mohan's name was..Wow..my father's name..:) !! Mohan..d name itself says-"Charmer"..Mohan Bhatnagar charmed us in every still-be it with his Chawanni as her Spiderman,or with Guru or with Megha..!! I loved his attitude & nature,he was not a typical hero with well-gelled hairs,six packs,dole shole & all..instead we got a carefree 'lafanga patrakaar' whose style & mannerisms were totally unique!! Mohan Bhatnagar was someone whom U can relate to,the character had a realistic approach..And it would not had been possible without Kunal Karan Kapoor..he left his viewers spellbounded by his phenomenal acting..!! My addiction for d show started with season 2 of NBT..every single scene of d same gave d feeling of awe..it showed d transformed avatar of Mohan-d carefree news reporter to a much sensible & mature head journalist of Awaz India!! Watching KKK as Mohan was & is always a treat even if we watch d same scene repeatedly..!! The way Kunal presented himself as Mohan,no other could have done it..I not only admire & adore Mohan but in hard times I get inspired from him..there r a few male characters who have been my favorites but Mohan Bhatnagar still tops my favorite list..!! • Vasu was another memorable character in NBT 2 which made a special place in d hearts of d viewers..although it was short-lived,but if chances would have been given,then Vasu too surely would have been an iconic character..KKK said in an interview- " let people hate him"..; I must say he was truly successful in it..initially I hated Vasu but as d story progressed Vasu became my 2nd fav after Mohan!! I would like to thank d whole team of NBT..directors,actors,producers everyone..for giving us a masterpiece!!

There r only 2 actors whom I adore them for who they r as a person..1st is Mr Amitabh Bachchan & 2nd is Kunal Karan Kapoor..!! We,all fans of KKK love his personality,simple yet enchanting,down to earth,calm,talented actor & what not..!! On a concluding note I would like to add that I'm proud to be his fan will b forever..!! May God bless him always & best wishes for all ur upcoming projects.

Dilwali Kudi Kunalian

Shameem

The Magical Mr.Kunal Karan Kapoor, 'Bash!' entered my life two years ago. It was my sister who introduced Mr.Mohan Bhatnagar to me. It was 9pm, that's when I heard the iconic title song of NBT first time (In Tamil). Episode started, with Megha losing her luggage, she got to wear Mohan's kurti, yeah right, it was their honeymoon! Sis tried to explain the scenario, and immediately Mohan’s role hit me.

It was absolute pleasure watching the cute couple and their cute kids. Day by day I fell more and more for the serial. Carefree Mohan trying to be a responsible husband, a perfect family man, he changed for his love, his pure love was endearing and very beautiful. It really did change the perceptions I had on serials. I felt really bad because the show was ending. My first ever watched and loved serial is ending. But to our surprise, the next day the show started as season 2.

The very first episode drove me crazy, so much of suspense that I could not wait to know what happened! I searched and found the serial online…watched episodes after episode. The surprising fact was though I didn't understand Hindi well, his performance, his expressions, voice modulations and the excellent background score was phenomenal that I didn't realize the need of any language. It was extremely interesting that I couldn't stop watching. The show was full of ingenious ideas and situations. It’s characteristics have made this show one of a kind. The twist in the plot, personified performances and it’s signature art of storytelling was mesmerizing. I ended up watching the show till 4am with bloodshot eyes. I laughed and cried with this family.

There were moments I stood paralyzed hugging my computer, especially when Mohan left Addu's hand to die! After the sleepless days and nights the show concluded. (including season 1). Mohan and Nanhi's astounding bond, Mr and Mrs. Bhatnagar’s incredible love story, Vaasu the real Mohan. . . was all like a beautiful magical dream that happened to me. I was so overwhelmed and pleased! Truly NBT happened to me on right time, thank heavens. At that time frame I was in a critical situation, thorny period of my life where none could help me. There were lots of people around me but not someone like Nanhi has, her Spiderman. Looking at them I urged for love. Honestly, I soulfully loved spiderman, who made me regard him like my own dad. Though not true but that love made me feel better, loved and pampered! As a 16 year old girl I needed nothing else.

I really loved the adorable, charming and handsome Kunal Karan Kapoor. Admired the way he fought for chocolates. He is a skillful photographer, passionate traveller and a delightful bookworm. What a heavenly combination! Next things I loved, the interviews of the real Mohan and Megha. It was an interview by Tinsel Gupta. . .which I was dumbstruck! I admired his honesty, dedication, simplicity, his sophisticated talent, uniqueness and his calmness with dropped jaw. What a wonderful human being! Fell flat for this man! Two photographs of his made me realise the loving and emotional side of him. One during Shveta Di's marriage, He was holding one side of the Saree above her like a shelter. I don't know why the ritual is for, but it somehow reflected his love and affection for his bestie. Another one, was when he held a baby in his shoulder, which he posted with a caption 'Parii ka mamu'. Seeing that I went speechless. . .

Lastly, thank you for being my greatest inspiration. Your smile gives me greatest pleasure and it abundantly fills my heart with happiness. Wish I had some magical powers to still your smile. If I ever had Alladin's lamp, my first wish would be 'I want Kunal Karan Kapoor to be the Happiest Person on Earth'. . . I would like to thank Kunal for giving me such a sweet Kunalian family. I feel proud being part of your family!

Hi Kunal.... This is Juhi Malhotra from Mumbai... Read the post regarding the write-ups for you... To be frank I am not that good at it... But still would like to say a few words for you... First and foremost... I know everybody says this... But still I would like to tell you that I am a diehard fan of yours... People have started calling me a psycho because of my OBSESSION for NBTNMKK... N this is only and only because of you Kunal.... How can somebody not love you?? You are such a sweetheart ... I am such a person who has never watched any serial apart from NBTNMKK... Never in my life did I ever watch any kind of serial... But NBT has taken my heart away 💕 Sometimes I repent.. I wish I had watched Left Right Left and Doli Armanon Ki... But it's ok... I am satisfied with NBT... Because in NBT I feel you have given your best... You are the most genuine and most natural actor I have ever seen... The way you have enacted Mohan's and Vasu's role, nobody could have ever acted the way you have.... You are ULTIMATE, Your expressions .. Your smile .. Your hair... Your way of talking and walking ... Your looks... Your charm... Your personality.... Your voice.. You are the only one who made me cry whenever I saw u crying on TV.... This is the impact of you Kunal... Everything thing about you is just WOWWW!!!! ...for me perfection=kunal. Not to forget the way you say 'Aye Chavanni... Sunnnn naa', 'mirchi madam' and ‘Mother India' ... Kunal you are the Greek God of Indian Television!!! It is only and only because of you that I have watched NBT (season 1 and 2) almost all the episodes 5 times... I mean it's unimaginable... A girl who never watched any kind of serial watches NBT that too both the seasons 5 times!!! It's possible only because of a magician... And that MAGICIAN is none other than you KUNAL KARAN KAPOOR!!!!!! Your magic has made me crazy kunal... You are the best.... Nobody can be better than you..... You are stupendofantabulously fabulous... It's my wish to meet you once.... And to hear from you 'Aye Juhi... Sunn naa' because the way u say it, nobody can say it the same way.....It's the only wish of my life... Just to meet you once... And last but not the least.... LOVE YOU TO THE MOON AND BACK KUNAL!!! MAY YOU BE SUPER SUCCESSFUL AND SUPER DUPER HAPPY THROUGHOUT YOUR LIFE!!!! GOD BLESS YOU!!! TONS OF MAGIC DUST FOR YOU KUNAL... Love you 💕💕

February 2016

Hello Everyone!! So! How I met Kunal Karan Kapoor..... I watched the promo of 'Na Bole tum na Maine kuch kaha' and I found it really interesting. I mean the promo itself had uniqueness and a magnetic effect which attracted me towards it. I remember I watched the first episode and the starting story was all about Megha and I had my exams going on so I left it at half. Then I could not manage to watch the show. But one day my Sister was watching the episode where Megha started feeling for Mohan. The 'o re piya' scene.! Each and every scene which Megha was recapturing was so heart melting. With Megha I also started feeling for Kunal. And there I met him.. After that I didn't miss to watch any of the episodes. I got attached to the show emotionally. I watched the episodes which I missed before on YouTube. His role as Mohan made me love him. I loved each and everything about him. His eyes, his smile, his voice, his hair, his body language, the way he called Megha 'Mirchi Madam'and 'Mrs.Vyas , The way he used to say 'Sunn Na', 'Arrey Yaar' and the cutest one 'Ae Chawanni'. Even if he hated kids but he loved Nanhi unconditionally. And The Mohan-Guru bond was more than awesome . The childish behavior of Guru and the 'Gusse wali Nazar' of Mohan was really funny' This was my love for Mohan Bhatnagar but after knowing about his personal life and feelings, my love and respect for Kunal started growing day by day. But then the show ended with a promise of season 2 and I started waiting for it. Then Season 2 came and my eyes were searching for him and there he entered. My whole family used to watch Season 2 and I was the one who explained them of season 1 if required. And then Season 2 ended with tears in my eyes. But I was still attached to Kunal and was waiting for his comback. Then again one day. My sister was again watching a show. She was watching 'Doli Armanon Ki ' and coincidentally I sat with her to watch it. That time I did not use fb or Twitter or anything for one month so I did not had any news related to Kunal. I remember when Grown up Shaurya Sinha entered, it showed him from the back and he was moving towards the stage. As soon as I saw him from the back I told my sister that his hair and the way he walks is similar to Kunal. But I didn't take much concern to it I don't know why. But the next day when I opened my twitter account and saw his post about the grown up Shaurya, I got surprised. For a moment I thought, 'Is it a dream?' and it wasn't. I was really very happy . That was all how I met Kunal Karan Kapoor. Thank You so much Kunal. You are the one who make me feel good eveyday. What if you don't post your pictures everyday, I have your pictures to see and smile and feel good eveyday. While writing this I really went down to the memory lane. So Thank You so much to the admins of Kunal's page for giving us such opportunities to express ourselves. Thank You.

Akanksha Kashyap February 2016

Sometimes we want to say a lot of things but some make us speechless with their act. The same thing is always happened with me whenever I watch the performance of King of expression and emotions Mr KUNAL KARAN KAPOOR…. I have never seen KUNAL KARAN KAPOOR before NA BOLE TUM ….BUT after seeing him in the promo of NBT one question is always in my mind “Why do we connect with a cinematic character ,a film, a TV series , a phrase , a poem ?’’The day one I was connected with the character MOHAN BHATNAGAR . The above question is always in my mind and after seeing only two and three episodes I got my answer “Every time something connects with me, it completes something, answers something, heals something and so on ….. Then another question came up “Why only it happens with MOHAN not others? This also I got the answer “ BECAUSE the person behind MOHAN knows HOW TO CONNECT WITH PEOPLE which is UNIQUE and BEST THING about KUNAL that he knows HOW TO INFLUENCE the AUDIENCES . I do know that KUNAL is gifted. He is capable of protraying different shades on screen which is his strength. His best shade is emotion as his eyes speaks volumes. His best character till date is Mohan Bhatnagar . I love Mohan a lot, smile emoticon Mohan is a character from which we can learn. He makes us to feel his pain of suffering. He is imperfectly perfect in all his work. We all love a person but he loves a person's ability and strength. Mohan is a world in itself. Mohan is a immortal character who cannot die. I think Kunal karan kapoor has made Mohan immortal. I know milestone cannot be made every day, kunal made Mohan a milestone and I know he can make many more. As mohan has given my a lot I have always seen that the writer’s makes the character a great one BUT here it’s the actor how make the character immortal . REALLY MOHAN BHATNAGAR cannot die in any of the audience heart . BUT STILL I WANT SAY IN FRONT OF ALL THAT I personally cannot see NBT as the love story but I rather see to it as the MOHAN ‘s JOURNEY and this CREDIT ONLY GOES TO KUNAL KARAN KAPOOR . MOHAN BHATNAGAR have given me many lessons that “never give up hope’’ ,”people who have suffered in pain can live without anyone ,even without it’s lover ,because the grief is enough to allow him to live. I would Love to believe..People like Mohan still exist in this materialistic world, otherwise I'll lose Faith on Love...may be yeh meri 'galat fahmi' hai but as Mohan said... "Zinda rahne ke liye kabhi kabhi galat fahmiyan bhi jaruri hoti hai...". I want to write a lot about the MOHAN’s character but right now I have to move on to vasu it is also greatly developed character because of KUNAL KARAN KAPOOR .It has potential but it does not have time to develop as much he can. I conclude by saying: Pleaseeee come back as early as possible with any new and great project.

My Jaan Kunal

By Dusky: Kunal karan kapoor- A magician. You make me smile. You make my heart beat. My association with Kunal goes back to Remix days. You frittered in and out . and I didn't pay attention to the nerd. The turning point was ' left right left' . started watching it only for my then favorite actor Rajeev Khandelwal. Slowly I started liking all cadets. Cadet yudi became my favourite. I used to hate it when he was teased n made him the butt of everyone's jokes. The madona track; suicide and the detention track blew everyone away. I was one of them. Time went on. My carrier started. It was going great guns. And being a performer I was transferred to Delhi. Professionally great. Personally I got immense pain in a relationship.I became a wreck. Took the next flight to mumbai. Heartache refused to go.job was in doldrums. Yes I'm a victim of depression.. Dec2011 I was wallowing in self pity and surfing tv channels. There I saw this guy. He tugged my heartstrings. I tried to recollect why is this boy is so endearing. And then it came as a flash. Cadet yudi.. Kunal karan kapoor back. His first project as the lead role.the ads were very appealing. 9th Jan 2012 the TV was switched on. 15th mnts into d first half I wondered if its a sas bahu show. I still stuck to the show and nanhis wish was fulfilled. The dashing lafanga had made his entery. Like tsunami everyone fell for him. No holds barred. No age limit. It was not difficult not to like him. He had his imperfections, brash, gentle with the kids, love hate relationship with mirchi madam. And boy he had a job. A real job. A news reporter. A job which was his passion and he did in with utmost sincerity. I have not seen any other actor getting into the skin of the character. No actor can boast that any other actor has won both accolades fr himself n the character he is playing. I have walked , laughed and cried with bmohan bhatnagar. He is a directors actor. Kudos to sonal gantara mam for etching such a wonderful character. I can watch this show on a repeat mode and don't get bored I remembered when Nbt ended there was chaos every where. We want season 2 every where. Season 2 came albeit with a difference. Viewers were shocked. But we got to see a spectacular performance by our ' king of expressions'. His angst, his seperation from megha, navikas indifference with her superman was the final blow. I have cried a lot in season 2. Oh then the much needed relief. VASU...nor once did I see mohan bhatnagar in vasu. Two of them were different entities. We wished time would remain still. But no. We had to wait for two painful years before we got our hero.. SHAURYA. A devoted son, a protector, the pain in his eyes, trying to wipe out the past.. Brilliantly portrayed by an ace actor. Many of his scenes demands an encore. Kunal is responsible for giving us such good friends. There have been hurt souls who felt it, and connected with each other .. Became fast friends. We are there for each other. And love is mutual. Nbt and Kunal you both are very special.. Mr kapoor a comeback soon plz.

January 2016

Belicia Alphonso

KUNAL KARAN KAPOOR – JUST EXTRAORDINARY Well it all started with Na Bole Tum and I became part of Kunal’s fandom. I had seen him as Angad in Pratigya which was my first encounter with my rockstar, but as I wasn’t following the show it went unnoticed. But then NBT promos went on air in 2012, felt that this is interesting but wasn’t sure whether I will follow it religiously. But then I happened to watch MAHASHIVRATRI EPISODES and instantly fell in Love with the show and tried catching up with all the previous episodes and soon fell in love with Spiderman Chavanni bond which was unique and refreshing. This show was breeze of fresh air and slowly I became Kunal Karan Kapoor’s diehard fan. NBT1 and NBT2 gave us our most beloved character MOHAN BHATNAGAR and I admit no one could do it the way Kunal did it, it was simply flawless. My favourite scenes they are so many. MAHASHIVRATRI EPISODES love the whole sequence it wouldn’t be unfair if I say this was the best track. But the episode where I fell in Love with Kunal’s performance was where Megha tells Mohan that she too loves him and the reaction that Mohan gave, I mean the way Kunal performed was sheer brilliance. It made me wonder how this guy can be so natural. His all scenes with Ashnoor Kaur aka our nanhi they are just filled with such innocence. Then comes the second innings of NBT. Aahhhhhh!!!!! “eh! Pharmal jacket, agar dil hota toh vasu ki pehchaan ni hoti” still echoes in my ears. VASU RAJVARDHAN, another brilliant character NBT gave us. Vasu is my topmost favourite character that Kunal played. A complete mixture of ruthlessness and innocence. His attitude speaks for him. NBT2 had matured Mohan and Vasu was Mohan redefined which I loved thoroughly. Again Vasu Jaan and Mohan jaan scenes rules my heart. Kunal’s emotional scenes as Mohan still makes my eyes wet. Simultaneously, Ruku and Vasu’s mucky scene make me smile like anything. By then Kunal Karan Kapoor had made me addicted to his performance so much so that I do not like any other actor’s performance. THANK YOU A LOT KUNAL FOR POTRAYING MOHAN BHANTNAGAR/VASU RAJVARDHAN WITH SUCH PERFECTION. Then came another character that is Shaurya of Doli Armanon ki, another gem. A very emotional character. It had so many shades, if only the character was given enough time. It had lot of depth and the way Kunal portrayed every emotion was amazing. Kunal always left us wanting more be it any character. Now, I follow his old shows too. His every character had message in it. If Yadhuvansh sahni (Left Right Left) taught us the actual meaning of strength, Mohan taught us selflessness. Every character is memorable be it Angad, Amrik,Sukhi, Varun or Monty. They reside and have a special place in my heart. Besides Kunal come across as a down to earth person and honesty in his eyes is evident, which makes fans like me proud and his smile makes us crazy. When you won best actor award we felt like we conquered the whole world. Lastly I want to put full stop here with this line of Shaurya which I feel completely applies for Kunal “itni shiddat se nibhao apna kirdar, ke parda girne par bhi taaliyan bajti rahein”. ohhh yesss Kunal you indeed portray your each character which such perfection that it will be remembered forever and Taaliyan abhi tak baj rahi hain. Here’s me waiting with lots of enthusiasm and excitement for you to comeback with another amazing character. WITH LOTS OF LOVE AND MAY GOD BLESS YOU WITH ALL SUCCESS AND HEALTH.

Bhagya Sahoo

On 28th January 2013, time provably 9:50 pm I was watching any programme on TV. I have a big problem that i always change channels when i sit to watch tv . Suddenly my eye saw a MAN who talk to someone in mobile & became irritated and said ARE YAARRRR .It really sounds very good. So from that moment i was attracted towards him just like a magnet . I continued to watch . When that episode was finished i just open the internet and impatiently wanted to know who is this charming MAN . Then i read about the serial and knew he is none other than Kunal Karan Kapoor as Mohan Bhatnagar whose basic line is Are yaar ;Suuunaa . Then i downloaded some pic showed to my mother . My mother said, :what a handsome guy” with a big smile with her face . This is the first day experience for me with Kunal as Mohan with NBTNKMKK-2. Not only me my entire family love u Kunal as Mohan . Day after day I became more addicted to Mohan . Then i started to know more about Kunal karan Kapoor as a person . I m always think about u that what r u doing, how r u etc just typically like a mother. I can't explain in words that how much i love u, care for u, respect u. One of the best gift that god gifted me is U "KUNAL KARAN KAPOOR" . Another thing soooo unique about "Na Bole Tum Na Maine Kuch Kaha " is that, I never ever expected that a serial became a vital organ of life. Honestly i always feel that NBT family is like my another family. It is sooo real that it can attract any one. Another important thing I'm just like Mohan Bhatnagar nature wise & behaviour etc . I watch NBT everyday but one thing is strange that it arises same feelings just like i watched it for the first time. I love the NBT family . I love u Kunal .My love will continues till my last breath . Lastly i m really thankful to the creator , the maker & total team of NBT for giving such a unique family that remain with us for lifetime . Great honour to God for his lovely creation "Na Bole Tum Na Maine Kuch Kaha ".

Kunal Karan Kapoor....name is all for me.I met him way back....11 years ago in a show called Remix....he played a nerd viz Varun....sheepish, stammering half the time he spoke, butt of all jokes and then came Varun's resurrection and when I saw that I said to myself "boy,this actor is something else". To be honest I was a tvholic and I had other favourites... But Varun did leave a mark...silently...With time I flew...Kunal honestly took a back seat...Suddenly one fine day my path crossed with Yadhuvansh Sahni aka Yudi in Left Right Left...I was keen on LRL more because of Rajeev Khandelwal who still is amongst my list of best actors. I quite liked the way Yudi was...in fact I was almost the same in my class..very cool...yo yo types....struggling to mix with the herd...yet there was so much depth that was hiding inside Yudi...nobody knew...nobody noticed!!!!!!only that suicide scene when everyone understood that happy go lucky Yudi suffered and his pain was almost like a volcano that erupted saying " enough is enough"....sometimes I question was it Yudi or Kunal ?Kunal had to be Yudi or Yudi had to be Kunal....it was that powerhouse actor who overtook...I was amazed, awed..... Again time passed Kunal performed but I was glued to his negative portrayal of Angad in Man Ki Awaz Pratigya...I simply adore that rowdy Angad...Kunal is very sophisticated yet it is amazing to see him performing a rustic gundaa...thoroughly entertaining... I was growing fond of him day by day. Kunal Karan Kapoor the actor took me over. And then came Na Bole Tum Na Maine Kuch Kaha......an ode to pristine performance and screenplay.Mohan Bhatnagar.....ohh!!!! He is still a lifeline... I have heard destiny plays game with us.NBT happened when I was broken and shattered...a mere TV serial,a character can give you life....yes is the answer....positivity of Mohan, purity of Spiderman and Chavanni relationship, unconditional love of Mohan....bindaas attitude of the righteous journalist who believed in triumph of truth instilled HOPE in me....and it was the actor Kunal who made me believe in Mohan in all its perfection and imperfection. SALUTE to Kunal for converting a scripted character Mohan into someone of flesh and blood. I presume it had to be Kunal this great actor became my mantra of living. He continued to amaze me in the avatar of matured Mohan carrying a sense of guilt and unbearable pain in the second innings of NBT...perfection at its peak(no exaggeration).... And so also total contrast in the same platform as Vasu....the adorable baddie....Flawless!!!! I was overwhelmed by Kunal Karan Kapoor.....so also Shaurya in Doli Armano Ki....lasted a bit but Shaurya is someone whom I can never forget....self made, righteousness being the attributes of Shaurya yet I was attracted to the inner struggle of Shaurya which was aptly portrayed by Kunal....so much so I at times thought that intensity.....is Kunal in real so intense? Its really difficult to confine such a beautiful actor into string of words and sentences. I am blessed to be his fan, a performer par excellence. Through his acting Kunal won my heart and my entire being.and with time I got to know a little part of my prince charming in reality. He is almost the same as the Mohan Bhatnagar that I am so fond of with a little twist. the most correlating stuff is that Kunal is as down-to-earth as Mohan is.all this stardom,fandom yet #kunalkarankapoor is so grounded. respect is what comes and echoes for my Rockstar.To this Charmer, my lifeline I just want to wish you all the very best and may he gets whatever he wishes for and deserves. I love you #Kunal.God bless.Rock n Roll Charmer -----Debapriya

#kunal karan kapoor #nbtnmkk

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chocolate-brownies · 6 years ago

Link

By the time I was 37 years old, I woke up in pain and I went to bed in pain every day. At that time I was very heavy (I weighed about 360 lbs), but I don’t just mean physical pain. On the inside, emotionally, I was miserable. I hadn’t developed a health-full relationship with myself—body or mind—and the days passed in a blur of hurt. In fact, I’d be hard-pressed to admit which was more painful: My lower back and my knees; or the slow-dripping feeling that I might be watching my life pass before my eyes in the fast lane.

Most of us have, at some point, taken an inventory of life and wondered, “Is this all there is for me?” We contemplate our physical limitations or the dull reality that there are things we haven’t experienced; we ruminate over boxes we haven’t checked off. Fear like this doesn’t come pre-packaged in a dress size: It can hit us at any time, any age, and at any weight.

And yet, if you would have asked a random person off the street what was “wrong” with me then, they would probably have remarked that I was fat and needed to go on a diet. In fact, that tends to be the first thing people say to ANY person who appears to be heavier than “normal” that expresses unhappiness. Go on a diet. Lose weight. It will make everything better… Right? Wrong.

The Truth About Diets

Over 90 percent of American women have been on a diet before. I have been one of them—many times. But each endeavor left me with one glaring truth: My diet didn’t “fix” anything. It was never a magical wand that made my problems disappear. We also know that diets fail because such a large portion of people who engage in traditional diet (including myself) gain weight back.

Somewhere along the line I realized it wasn’t about losing weight. It wasn’t about dieting. It was about addressing the fact that both my body and my emotional wellbeing were starting to crumble. It wasn’t the “counting macros” that helped me create real change in my life, but instead, for me, it took seeing how deeply entangled emotional trauma was in the daily dysfunction of my life. The act of removing dating apps from my phone and not engaging in reactive casual sex was the first step toward making the positive shift in my life.

Somewhere along the line, “diet culture” and the “wellness industry” became synonymous. But they’re two totally different things.

That’s to say: Addressing (and closing off) the self-initiated vacuum of relationship nothingness is what led me to realize just how heavily I relied on coping mechanisms like sex and shopping and, oh yes, food, to anesthetize the pain of living with years and years of repressed anger. It wasn’t counting calories. It hasn’t been the use of My Fitness Pal (which I happen to love) that has kept me returning to the long-term commitment to serving my body inside and out, even after life’s normal (but sometimes painful) twists and turns.

The realization of my coping mechanism, nurtured by intense spiritual growth and proactive emotional work, has allowed me to get to grow to where I am today. This is a whole lot deeper than anything a “diet” could unearth. Diets don’t teach people how to feel whole. They teach people how to (usually temporarily) lower numbers on a scale. But the wholeness part? That’s where Wellness should come in.

Should being the operative word.

Photo of Sarah’s Body Love Workshop. Photo by Nichole Alex

What Wellness Is (and What It Isn’t)

Wellness should be a place where people come to heal and learn how to live a greater life, however that looks for them. It should be about offering people tools to cultivate wholeness in all the different pillars of life—emotionally, physically, spiritually, sexually, financially, occupationally, and more.

It’s taken a long time, but the medical community has finally started to explore the reasons why diets don’t traditionally work. Additionally, we finally have some people in the general public starting to speak about but the general public starting to speak out about the toxicity of “diet culture” and its inability to facilitate the healing that real-life transformation from the inside-out requires.

Sadly, it is the wellness community that appears to be the most tone deaf. The very people who purport to encourage holistic health are some of the biggest perpetrators of disordered living. I’m looking at you, Wellness Brand / Influencer / Festival. I’m talking to you Cleanse Tea and Yoga Brand That Only Makes Pants Up To A Size 10. I’m talking to you Wellness-Related Studio That Doesn’t Have a Single Class for Marginalized Bodies.

The (not-so) secret elephant in the wellness community is that the culture places more value and emphasis on things that many of us refer to as “diet culture” and less on offering people holistic tools to heal and create change from the inside out. I challenge you to read a wellness magazine, go to an event or class, or follow a “wellness influencer” on social media and NOT come into contact with the following words, phrases, or ideas:

Detoxes and cleanses

Summer/winter body

The idea of “clean” and “unclean” eating

“Bad” food

Weight loss competitions and diet-bets

Eating plans that restrict foods

Exercising to “earn” your food

“Junk” food

It’s nearly impossible. All these ideas rooted in diet culture, and more, have become part of our wellness lexicon; tools in the pursuit of achieving the perfected, personified idea of what health is supposed to be.Somewhere along the line, “diet culture” and the “wellness industry” became synonymous. But they’re two totally different things, and until we acknowledge this, we’re never going to be able to make the real changes in our communities, or ourselves.

Before you put the brakes on, let’s find a common ground—intentional weight loss is not the enemy. But most people having a conversation about weight loss aren’t actually having a discussion about weight loss—they are talking about the ideas and practices that are associated with diet culture. And when diet culture (and its multi-billion dollar industry) trumps the journey to actual well-being and amalgamates itself with the wellness industry (another multi-billion dollar industry) we’ve got some thinking to do.

Sarah’s Easy Guide to Diet Culture vs Wellness

Diet Culture

Your “diet” has a start, middle, and an end.

“Before you started your diet, you were broken. Now, you are awesome. Yeah!”

Values “thinness” and worships this as the desired “end goal.”

Equates “thinness” to “health success.”

Promotes weight loss as a status symbol and demonizes those who do not value weight loss.

Uses words that attach value to food. ie: Good, bad, clean, dirty.

Perpetuates “food shame” if you don’t “eat correctly” or “cheat.”

Phrases you’ll commonly hear: “I feel fat.” // “I’m having a cheat day.”

Oppress those who are unable to (or don’t wish to) obtain) or display, an idealized version of “health” which can be harmful to transgender persons, persons of size, people of color, persons with disabilities, persons of limited economic means, persons living with chronic diseases, and more.

Holistic Wellness

Views growth as a long-term process with ebbs and flows. There is no “end” in the journey, only transitions between chapters.

Accepts that none of us are ever a “finished” product. Also establishes that body size or weight does not equate to worth or human value.

Understands that all bodies are designed differently and that to pursue wellness means we must take account multiple pillars of wholeness—mental, physical, emotional, spiritual etc.

Understands that “thinness” at the cost of mental health is not truly being healthful.

Understands that “health” is relative for all people; Instead, all persons can aim to find a state of wholeness as applies to them.

If you want to lose weight, do it. If you don’t, do that too. Weight loss can play a role in holistic wellness when pursued alongside mental health.

Uses neutral words to describe food, ie: Processed, non-processed, nutrition-dense, and organic.

Food is food. It all gets pooped out in the end. Some is healthier; some is less so. If you eat less healthy stuff, you’re still a good person. The end.

Ready to begin your body love journey? Join Sarah for LIFELOVE, the greatest self-love party ever created! Over the course of a weekend, you’ll connect to self, find community with others, and learn tools to create change all within a supportive and loving environment surrounded by body-inclusive attendees who, just like you, are ready to experience MORE in life. This is not some stuffy workshop. It’s a hands-on, inclusive, and interactive experience designed to help you look your fear in the eye and unleash self-love. You’ll feel accepted and safe. And if you’re a fan of random dance breaks and group karaoke? Even better. LIFELOVE includes Kundalini yoga, meditation, inspirational speakers and small group discussions; it’s the one place that bodies of EVERY size can come together and rise up to create change in life. For tickets and more, click here.

—

Sarah Sapora loves meditation and cowboy boots, and lives guided by the idea that every day we wake up (at any age or weight) is a chance to transform our life from a place of self-love. She’s a Kundalini yoga teacher who believes that strength training and deep soul-work are equally important in creating a happier and healthier life from the inside out. Sarah’s biggest passion is making holistic wellness accessible to bodies of size. She is a speaker, writer, social influencer, creator of LIFELOVE, a totally size-inclusive personal growth event, and of LifeLove, an app launching in 2019. Sarah uses her voice to cultivate a community of self-love and self-improvement free of diet culture. You can find Sarah online on Instagram or on her website, www.sarahsapora.com.

The post Wellness has a Dieting Problem. Let’s Do Something About It appeared first on Wanderlust.

#sleep sounds #sleep music #white noise app #nature sounds #relaxing sounds #rain sounds for sleeping

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perfectionistincrisis · 8 years ago

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Day 37 (& 36,35,34,33 ..blabla)

Not much to tell.

It’s just that um. Yeah, things are different. Life is different. I am different. I am not that familiar with this version of me and don’t know how much I am capable of. But I know that I got a lot weirder. I could hardly care or give a shit about most of the things. Ignorance is my best defense mechanism; I tend to ignore/ keep away things which get to me. However, everything comes with a price. I get crazy crayyy crayyy zee cravings from time to time. Sometimes it’s food, sometimes it’s shopping. Sometimes it’s taking a perfect picture of food maybe, or of something. Idk. depends on situation os surroundings. Sometimes its looking for the perfect shoe online, and other times the perfect lipstick shade. Or other times its making a list of all the make up products I want to buy. Sometimes im deciding which mall to go to and when. Other times i am thinking which restaurant to go to and when. Sometimes in the most random way possible i start thinking of any specific food and crave it badly and almost feel its taste in my tongue, other times I am making decisions of how I will be eating healthy and making big lifestyle changes. Sometimes thinking of how little minor details in life, the ways people interact, the comments people make, the way people look at you, the way you respond to someone, the feelings that are being expressed, the feelings that are being suppressed can mould a persons life in such different ways and affect someone so deeply.. thinking of it all draws tears to my eyes.. The world is a harsh place. We might consider ourselves as “human beings”; the civilized creatures but in reality.. I think there is not much difference. We are only a little better than animals who need to be “tamed”. Infact, even harder when we are the ones who need to tame ourselves because everyone is damaged in their own way. No one is perfect, no one was taught how to survive life. Its like you were dumped on earth and you need to figure things out for yourself but hey that’s kind of okay once you know that this is what youre supposed to do. But what about those people who think they are doing right. Who think it is okay to be exactly the way they are now. Hahaha, I guess I sound like I am angry with humans lol. But nah, I dont really care tbh. Now this would be a lie maybe in the past where I would just be “trying” to not care, but now! I actually dont! but that doesnt mean I can totally ignore bullshit happening in this world. but yeah, it doesnt really get to me so much! Anyways, moving on. So yeah! How i survive. Well at times I kind of lose it and get really attached to materialistic/ worldly luxuries! Like i-neeed- to buy this. I -need- to go there. I -need- to eat this. Sometimes it is posting a pic on instagram, where life is so sugarcoated and nice. I have been working on it for a long time. I really have a thing for taking pics of food mostly or other things or myself and when I pick some of them, and put them together and theres a chronological order being maintained to some extent. Just scrolling through it, your life flashes in front of you to an extent. Its nice. Now one might think that i could do the same scrolling through my gallery too but theres a difference. First, since i am a person who is a sucker for taking pics, my gallery is overloaded! Back in high school, my pictures wouldnt just take up the whole of my gallery but also would fill up my friends’ phones too! they would literally have way more pics of me than their own selves. But the difference is that id chose pics which i would want to upload, which are okay to be shared. Btw its not really like i upload my -best- pics. most of the times it is one of the average ones. As much as i would like sharing ‘dark’ parts of me, I am also not comfortable sharing good ones all the time. well anyways, so yeah thats enough about pics i suppose lol i can go on talking all day wow ‘-’

Okay then there’s me having this strong urge to eat something, or go shopping and buy something and all of that. How i deal with that? well sometimes it really gets on my nerves and that is bad. And then i realize i am diverting my aims in life and yeah that is pretty much it. I just get my mind to think straight and I am fine for some time. it sounds really simple yeah, but its really really bothering when i crave for anything! like it really gets to me to really extreme levels. its all i think of and i cant concentrate or do anything peacefully. but when i get back to my senses, everythings fine again.

This was just one side of things. There is another side to. This one’s easy! I sleep. or just sit and do nothing. When i say nothing i mean it. Its not like i am on my phone and im going through every social media app scrolling on and on and doing nothing. its not like i am sitting on my laptop and doing nothing. It notttttt! When i say doing nothing i mean it. Nothing. I am just sitting with no gadgets, nothing. No i am not even lost in deep thoughts about anything. Like i said, ignorance is my escape. I just dont care enough to get to do something, anything. So i end up sleeping! And except for pee breaks, i can sleep for hours and hours like wow! this was so not me lol! I actually didnt like sleeping so much, well not like i like it now. I mean yeah i do sleep a lot but not because i like it. I am neutral, there is nothing it like about it and i might have hated it earlier but now i dont hate it either. I mean before i used to think there is so much to lose of people keep sleeping all day. Well right now I still have the same idea but i mean at this phase in life right at this moment, for me, there isnt much I am losing while sleeping so its ok.

So yeah, those are the two extremes i keep shifting between! extreme cravings for the weirdest things followed by letting go of all this materialistic desires/ urges and getting my thoughts clean! Or doing literally nothing, not caring at all, ignoring anything and everything and sleeping!

Um well thats it. Now before finishing up there are two things I wanted to point out!

One is that my food cravings dont really have anything to do with the fact that its Ramadan, because I havent fasted a day yet. i mean food was always important to me. It helps me deal with things both mentally and emotionally since always.. Same as spending money on shopping!

And the other thing I wanted to point out is him. There is nothing new i can tell about him. just that he is always on my mind. Always. To keep it short, its like the ONLY thing that has changed is that we dont talk. AND that is a big big big thing. but that is the only thing. That is how i feel! And since it is a big big big big thing (way bigger than all the bigs I put in there) it s not cool! But idk I just miss telling him how much i love him.. Okay i was never a person who was into ‘telling’ that cause i really really believe that actions speak louder way louder than words when it comes to those 3 words -i-love-you- but yeah! that doesnt mean id be cool if someone would just act it out and not tell me so lol. And yeah so its the same right now. I mean i really feel like I would never fail in acting out my love for him. I am just that certain and aware of how much he means to me. So yeah, that is why i said. that i miss telling him so. that i love him.. I miss being able to do so.. Ummm yahhh So that’s it! Pretty long post ik but kinda making up for the extremely tiny mini posts for the last few days but yeah i pretty much covered what is going on with me this whole time so yeah! :)

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veilingofthesun · 8 years ago

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My Tänk Om(If/Then) review/report part 2

I’m gonna start this up by explaning a bit more about the scenography. The stage is a turntable, so they revolve it to change the layout of the six ramps and create new spaces and sets. The ramps differ between being on the ground, standing up and hanging on wires from the roof. Inside the ramps they put different set pieces, like the chairs on the train, Lisa’s bathroom, her bed, a couch…The ramps serves as a benches at the football game, bar in the moment explodes etc…often the ensemble dance on them or sit on them when they’re in the background of a scene…

One of the ramps has chairs attached to it that’s used for the first scene with Betty and Steffen in the office and later reused for The moment explodes where they serve as airplane seats.

The lightning really complements the set perfectly. I think they’ve been inspired by the broadway versions lightning in some scenes…it’s got a very similar colour scale going on. It’s absolutely gorgeous, and as I mentioned before, it’s really effectful the way the dancers creates shapes and silhouttes…

The costume design is so well thought out…the ensemble has a base costume of grey and pastells and it creates a beautiful effect. The ensemble are usually a bit more edgy and modern.

Kate’s costumes are mostly very colourful and she’s got bracelets and big earrings. Her clothes are as loud as she is.

Anne has awesome costumes, she looks so cool. She never wears a dress or skirts. She has a lot of ripped jeans, leather jackets, denim shirts, leather pants and sneakers.

Lisa is dressed in a more relaxed way…she’s a jeans and t-shirt/shirt/knitted shirt kind of person. The only time she wears a dress is when she’s pregnant and when she’s getting married. Her colour scale is mostly blue, white and black. Her bright pink shirt from the trailer and the pro pics has been changed to a white one…it suits her personality much better. Since she’s very much the girl next door…She’s got a very ‘swedish’ style..if you’d walk down the street in any swedish town you’d see a lot of women dressed like Lisa..

Betty is similar in the way that she never wears a dress or skirt either and she mostly wears black, dark blue and sometimes a bit of dark teal…

She’s got a more business woman style, of course. Lots of dress pants and blazers paired with heels. When she’s not working, she dresses like Lisa.

Lucas dresses similar to broadway Lucas with hoodies, striped shirts and pants. His colours are mostly green and red. He always has a scarf on.

John has similar outfits to his broadway version too…he looks stylish but his clothes dosen’t stand out much. Earthy tones, jeans, knitted shirts, a leather jacket. Very down to earth and Joshish…

Elena is more young and girlier in her dress sense than her broadway counterpart. She dresses like a lot of young students in Sweden does..like she buys all of her clothes at H&M.

This day/Walking by a wedding

The ensemble sounds so amazing in this one and the choreography is really beautiful. It starts out with a couple in wedding clothes and their wedding party. The groom comes out carrying the bride through the space between the two standing ramps. Later, John comes out carrying Lisa, you realise that the first married couple was dressed exactly the same as Lisa and John. The choreography in wbaw is really beautiful and simple. I can’t really explain it, because if I try it sounds like a bunch of people walking around and being affectionate with each other. You kinda have to see it to understand what I’m talking about. It’s both girl/girl pairings, boy/boy pairings and girl/boy pairings walking around behind Bety, holding hands, hugging etc..While Betty sings, she walks around the whole stage..up on the ramps and behind them..

In the beginning of the song, when the broadway cast sings “ And all the wrong turns on the way” the swedish cast instead sings “You learn to be strong and weak” (it’s a swedish expression) which is a nice foreshadowing to yltlw. More foreshadowings to come…

The This day choreography is much more upbeat, of course. I love this routine, the ensemble is having so much fun with this one. Kate/Anne and Lucas/David are adoreable too. David actually carries Lucas in his arms when they come out on the ramps.

The wedding photographer bit has been extended, probably to give Linda some more time to change her clothes..I think that on broadway they had the dress hidden underneath Betty’s skirt. Here Betty wears pants, so I guess they needed a bit more time…

The photographer seems to be very drunk when he shows up. He starts asking where the bridesmaids and groomsmen are and all of the wedding party starts messing with him. Poor guy, lol.

The outro has been extended a bit too, some of the ramps has to be lowered down and the stage revolves to create the setting for Lisa and Johns conversation leading up to Hey Kid.

Hey Kid

It starts out the same way as on broadway, John at the table with the laptop and Lisa coming in and slamming the laptop shut. But then she proceeds to throw the newspaper straight at him when she talks about the kid being killed in traffic.

John tells her that she’s oversensitive in which she replies: I’m not over sensitive, then she cries out: I’m sensitive.

I have watched quite a few bootlegs and heard some audios, but I can’t recall hearing a Lisa being this angry and because she’s so angry it gets John going too. They’re both so good in this scene though. Their chemistry just keeps getting better and better in every scene. Linda has a great balance between being angry and very matter of factly. Especially when she says the line: “I’m a neurotic mess…” That’s the way I am, deal with it.

Three ensemble women comes out to dance on the ramps behind him wearing hospital gowns and baby bumps. (Imagine the contraction ballet from Waitress..kind of) The dancers leaves once Lisa comes back on stage, and then there’s just the three of them.

Instead of a nurse coming out with the baby, Lisa comes out with the baby, holds him for a while and then hands him over to John who sings the rest of the song with the baby in his arms. Lisa sits on the bed watching them, looking completely drained and in tears, but she also looks at them so lovingly. The look on her face breaks your heart.

Christopher is so amazing in this song. Both vocally and emotionally. He conveys all the different feelings and emotions John goes through in this song perfectly. He’s so believeable and puts so much feeling into this song and his performance.

A quick thing regarding the change of Jake’s name to Tim that I forgot to mention in part 1. Linda has a son called Tim who’s been around a bit during rehearsals and performances, so it’s a little nod to him. :)

Some other me

Okay, remember how I talked about Ydntlm and the beautiful heartbreaking dance routine? I thought it could not get even more beautiful and heartbreaking…but I was so wrong. The combination of everything in this number, the intense emotions, the beautiful singing, the choreography, the fantastic dancers, has completely ruined this song for me(in a good way) I can’t even think about this song let alone listen to it without breaking into tears. I have it on my playlist at work, and nowadays that is not a good thing..

I really wish Malmö Opera or the choreographer, Ambra Succi, would post some clips from this number (or any other number for that matter) or from rehearsals. Or just the dancers doing the routine. Because this is SO good, it really deserves to be seen.

First things first, the actors. Oh, they really break my heart here. Previously, their relationship was so easy going, compared to this. Sure, they had their issues sometimes, but they were always there for each other and they were never uncomfortable together. In this scene they’re so uncomfortable and awkward around each other. You could really feel the tension in the room. There’s thick silence and both of them desperately trying to find something to say..and when they do, it’s forced, It’s clear that neither Betty nor Lucas know what to say or how to act around the other one. And it’s so sad to see them that way…It’s clear that they both miss what they had and don’t know how to get it back.

Their fight here is really intense, I’ve talked before how passionate Lucas is about everything. And he’s so angry here, and since they play so well off each other, Betty is furious with him too.

Moving onto the whole scene: There’s a male and a female dancer that wears the same color scheme and the same type of clothes as Lucas and Betty. The male dancer also has his hair in a manbun. The dancers dance Betty and Lucas story. It starts off with the dancers seperately from the actors, a bit lighter in the mood. When Lucas verse starts, both Betty and the dancer symbolising her, sit next to each other on the ramp, watching their men. Occassionally reacting to the things their Lucases are singing/dancing, for example throwing their arms out in frustration(mirroring each other, of course)…Just as in ydntlm, Lucas and the dancer mirror each other.

When they reach the bridge of the song, Actor Betty and Dancer Betty approach Actor Lucas and Dancer Lucas. The dance gets more intense and portrays where they are now. They continue to mirror each others movements throughout the rest of the song. Actor Betty and Dancer Betty switch places, so that Actor Betty stands slightly behind Dancer Lucas. But she and Dancer Betty glances across the stage at their Lucas with a sad face, before they all go their seperate ways…

It’s so simple, just the actors and the dancers, yet so effectful…

The way Lucas says: “It was nice seeing you” is so weary and angry…

I hope I didn’t confuse you, it’s hard to explain because it really has to be seen. But I really wanted to try to paint a picture of it for you. Because it’s truly something very special.

I stole this picture from one of the dancers instagram..This picture is not the best to describe it, because it’s in the middle of a move and they’re not wearing the clothes they had on in the show…but imagine the girl dancer in jeans and a blue shirt and the guy dancer in in green/greyish jeans and a red shirt. It will give you an idea at least… Edited because I forgot something I wanted to mention about Jonas (Lucas)… He is terrific…hi’s portrayal of Lucas is so amazing. I mentioned before how passionate and angry he is ..he plays those scenes so well. But he is also really caring, sweet, needy, hilarious, cranky and a bit of a drama queen….there’s so many layers to him and Jonas manages to be believeable in all of them…He has found a great balance between all these sides..he really makes you feel so bad for Lucas but he also makes you laugh a lot..

Best worst mistake

Where do I start? These two adorable little geeks makes me so happy. David arrives on his bike, Lucas has the baby’s stroller on his scooter and gets scolded by Lisa. David is so proud when he shows her the baby helmet, he smiles like a little school boy and says: Super cute!. Lisa is not so amused. When Lisa takes her leave she ‘accidently’ forgets the helmet. David runs after her and calls out to her: Lisa, wait, the baby helmet! She laughs awkwardly and mumbles sarcastically: “Yes, How did I manage to forget that one?” and throws it into the stroller.

When she has left, David says: “We could have our own, you know” and Lucas replies: “Baby helmet?” David’s face is a picture.

Moving forward in the dialogue, when David says that he saw Lucas shopping for baby clothes last night, (baby JCrew has been changed to H&M)he proceeds to shout really loudly over the whole park that Lucas buys baby clothes at H&M.

There are six male dancers behind them on the ramps. Three dressed in Lucas style and color scheme and three in Davids. The ‘David’ guys sometimes has baby strollers incorporated into the choreography. When Lucas says: “You tricked me into saying that”, two of the dancers rides past them on a bike, laughing at Lucas. David smiles knowingly at them and says: Hi guys!

During this number they ride on Lucas scooter together, as you can see in the trailer. They’ve gone with the feel of the orginal here too, with David’s bike and Lucas on his scooter (I know that it was a skateboard, but it’s almost the same..) and in the end they bike and scooter away off the stage. They’re so sweet and funny together that I just smiled throughout the whole number.

I need to mention something about the translation…we didn’t notice it live. But when we were listening to the audio while trying to fix the sound a bit, we noticed something..You know when Lucas sings “Let it go”, in swedish he sings Slå dig fri (which just happens to be the swedish title of the song Let it go) We laughed out loud when we heard that. Very well played by the translator. Either he’s really done his research or it’s mentioned in the material they got when they bought it…Either way, it’s a very nice touch:D

One small thing is that Nils(Davids) voice is not completely suited for this song…he’s got a real ‘church’ like voice, which works perfectly for wwyd..but maybe not as well for this one…but it’s a small issue…He makes up for it with his passion and charms. It sounds better when they sing together too..

I hate you

I had just about recovered from SOM and then this happens…(I knew it was coming of course, I almost cried when I saw the kids beds being wheeled in…my vulnerable heart couldn’t take anymore…basically act 2 was a big sob fest)

It starts out with John on the phone and Lisa by the kids beds. But instead of saying: Let’s have wine while we can…she goes over to him, kisses him and starts taking off his shirt. First, he kisses her back, but then he pulls his shirt down, grabs her by the arms and tells her that he has to ship out.

They’re killing me with this one…they both nail this. The beautiful and very organic chemistry they’ve had from the start is on top here. Just when you think it can’t get any better they somehow manage to surprise you yet again. It just feels so real…

There’s actually dancers in this routine, the only Lisa/John song with dancers in it. There’s two pairs, man/woman, on top of a ramp each, with Lisa and John between the ramps. The dancers are all dressed in black and the lightning is quite dark in this scene. The dancers were not distracting at all…they painted pictures of what the actors were singing and acting. I hate you is quite a physical song…she uses her body a lot, pushes John away and expresses her feelings with her whole body. Again, it’s choreographed so well..the dancers and Lisa mirror each other. When she pushes John away, they push their ‘John’ away etc..When John leaves, the male dancers leave and the female dancers remains behind, looking at them as they leave, just as Lisa looks at John…

When John has turned around to leave and she shouts at him to wait, he stands with his back to her and before he has a chance to turn around, she runs towards him at full speed and throws herself at him and holds him really tight. (I like to call it ‘the Gabe grab’…like in i am the one(reprise) where he grabs a hold of Dan) She holds on so tightly and refuses to let go when John has to leave…He literally has to pry himself away from her grip, because she just holds on and refuses to let go. Their faces in that moment…if I hadn’t lost it before I lost it there…

The ramps behind them ‘split’ apart and creates a walkway where John’s soldiers walks in to pick him up. He leaves with them and Lisa stands there looking so small and sad…

Two soldiers comes in the same way to tell her that John has died. Linda is just fantastic here…anyone who performs this song must be so emotionally and physically drained after this. She really takes you on a roller coaster of emotions here…

I really like something they’ve done with the translation here..in the orginal she sings: “Let’s look at this calmly, discuss how I hate you..”, in swedish she sings: “Let’s look at this calmly, with focus on hating” It really hits home how she focuses on hating him to not think about the pain and how much she’ll miss him..

Small edit: In the orginal she sings I love-d you. In swedish you can’t add a letter to make a word past tense. So instead she sings I love you(very big and dramatic) and, whimpers ‘loved’ silently and then sings ‘have loved you’ kind of angrily. It kind of changes it a little bit, but it works really well…the contrast between that quiet little word and the anger in the next three words is very powerful.

A map of New York(reprise)

Not much to say about the song since it’s so short…but he sounds great in it though.

Funny little moment though: Betty’s fixing her make up while Steffen is talking to her and her intern is fixing her hair, spraying it and fluffing it up..When he’s done,(the intern is a guy in this version) Betty whispers something to him and they smile..On the way out, he sprays Steffen in the face and sassily walks away…

The ensemble are used in the background here as office workers/business men and woman in an office space. At least that’s how I interpret it…They walk around in the background and sometimes connect with each other.

When Steffen says: “Have you learned to take care of yourself?” Betty gets a text message, checks her phone and dosen’t pay attention to what he says and asks: What? Steffen makes a: “told you so face”, like he thinks that she’s too invested in her work.

You learn to live without

I love how this scene is set up..the almost completely black lightning with some shades of blue fits the scene perfectly. It’s really simple and intimate(this is one of my favourite pro pics, because it captures the feel and mood brilliantly..it’s also a great shot:D) This picture captures the conversation where the friends talk about Lisa..You’ve got the intern up on the ramp, then Kate, Lisa, Anne, David and Lucas.

The song starts with Betty up on the ramp where the intern is. She remains there until the conversation between her friends. While they talk, she walks down the ramp, sits down and becomes Lisa. All five of them stays on stage until the intern and Kate asks if everything is okay. She says: “You can go, all of you..”

I can not say enough good things about this. This song has always been one of my absolute favourites so experiencing it live felt really special. Linda is SO amazing here, both vocally and emotionally…it’s just so beautiful and sad. I think this is one of my favourite moments in the whole musical. I didn’t think I could cry anymore, but sure. the tears were running here too..

And when even the sometimes to a fault polite swedes(who’s really afraid of clapping for a song unless it has a big ending preferably with a boom and a pose, because we don’t want to disturb the flow of the show) applauds even though it blends into another song, then you’ve done your job well. (even though they stopped quickly when they realised they were going into another scene, lol)

I know that I talk a lot about the translations, it’s probably not that interesting, but I’m very impressed with his translations. They’re very true to the orginal and also very beautiful. Because swedish is so different from english, he had to word things differently to get the timing right.

“You learn somehow to like the dark and even love the doubt” is translated to

“You slowly rewrite your life, a dark but strong novel” It sounds a bit strange in english, but it’s beautiful in swedish. It’s very poetic.

The moment explodes

These chairs, as I mentioned before, are attached to the ramp, and is folded down by the actors as they enter for this scene. Even though the stage is a turntable stage, they don’t use it for this scene, as they did in the broadway version. Instead they remain seated throughout the whole song, at the very end of the song they get up and run to the edge of the stage. They do a bit of sitting choreography, grabbing the ramp, each other…some jerky movements.

The dancers behind them dance a very dramatic routine, and coupled with the stunning singing and the gorgeous lightning it becomes very effectful. I keep talking about the silhouettes the dancers creates, but it’s so well thought out, a real collabroation between the choreographer, the set designer and the lightning designer.

They have two flight attendants with a trolley who joins the others on the chairs when the song starts.

Oh, the tracks are a bit different here. The deputy major is also the architect and the bartender is a woman. The bartender and Kate is at the ramp to the left of the one in the picture. Their ramp serves as a bar disk and the bartender slides the drink down to Kate.

The singing and the harmonies is so beautiful here. It’s very powerful..The ensemble is on top form here. Seriously, the whole ensemble is just so good. I adore this cast so much.

Love while you can

The setting here is quite simple…just a bunch of girls sitting behind them reading books. They do what I call ‘bookography’, it’s not a dance routine, but they flip the pages in their books, holds their books up synchronizally etc… The choreography they do in Betty’s verse is repeated in Anne’s verse (probably because Betty and Anne both want Kate & Anne to stay together) and in the bridge and during the rest of the song the choreography changes.

The three of them are amazing in this scene/song. They’re so good together and they play off each other so well. You can really feel the anger in the room here. Kate is so furious at Anne, Anne gets furious at her in return and Betty is so done with being silent and accepting things. Kate runs after her and pulls her back when she tries to get the reading girls attention by calling out: My ladies…and ladies. They just look at her and shushes her.

Karolin and Sara sounds fantastic, their voices go so well together. I love this song so much, so this was another highlight for me..Lachanze and Jenn Colella is a tough act to follow, but they do a really, really good job. And their passion and chemistry is just fabulous.

They’ve changed the ending of the scene a bit, though. Instead of hugging and walking off together, a teary eyed Kate holds up her hands and walks off stage alone while a devasted looking Anne is left behind. :( That really hurt, it made me want to yell: No! Stay with her! (But I didn’t, of course…I got teary eyed again though..) But, don’t worry, they didn’t get a divorce in Betty’s story too. The timeline in the program says they didn’t…in my head canon Kate needed a bit more time to think it through and then they made up, because their two hours weren’t up after they’d finished singing;)

I have to talk about Sara Lehmann (Anne) too. She’s just phenomenal. (Probably my favourite after Linda) Jenn Colella has really made her mark as Anne, but Sara makes a fabulous Anne. Her voice,her dancing, her passion and performance skills is just WOW. She has this light about her that draws your eye to her a lot of the time. Even when she’s in the ensemble (hidden underneath a cap) she commands your attention. By reading her bio in the program I noticed that it’s her first ‘big’ role. She’s mostly been in the ensemble beforehand. Coming from ensemble roles to a much bigger role makes her performance even more impressive.

The way she embodies the character of Anne is spot on. She’s really going for it. It’s the complete package, singing, acting,dancing, facial expressions(also her wig and costumes play a big part in it, she’s got the coolest hair and awesome costumes) and I can’t forget to mention, body language. Anne is very comfortable with herself and with her body and Sara is not afraid to show that. She takes up a lot of space, sits with her legs spread apart, yells over the whole book store that she likes sex more than Kate, deals with drunk Lucas, who’s almost about to punch Steffen, like a pro…She’s a very nice combination of tough, funny, emotional, passionate and also really nice and caring.

She and Karolin are soooo good together too. Kate does her crazy things and her reactions to Kate’s antics are perfect. Her facials and the way she talks, laughs and sighs at Kate..nailed it.

What would you do

They’ve kept a lot of broadways colour scheme here, both in the lightning and the costumes. It’s simple, but powerful. It’s just the four of them.

The way Lucas says No…no, after Lisa says: “So Zhuangzi was what, an idiot?” is so confused and sweet…and David has to comfort him(kind of like in the orginal)

I love how Linda plays Lisa here, she seems so tense and angry and laughs loudly and uncomfortable sometimes…it’s like she’s trying so hard to keep it together but it’s starting to crack…

This is a very nice moment for Nils to shine. I mentioned before that he has a very deep, ‘church’ like voice, and it works perfectly for this song. It’s so emotional and really beautiful. It sounds and looks like he’s about to burst into tears before he starts singing and that continues throughout the song. Nice little translation parallel again…He sings: If you could start over from the beginning (directly translated, again, a swedish expression) and in ASO Lisa sings: We’re starting over from the beginning..

When they go to get the car ready, Lucas takes David’s hand and they walk off together holding hands…

I haven’t really mentioned the orchestra before, but they deserve some credit too..and I thought they sounded really beautiful in this one(well, they always did…) It’s a big orchestra,almost 30 people(they’re employed by Malmö opera and work on all of their productions) and that makes the beautiful score sound even richer.

Always starting over

Unfortuneately there are no pro pics from ASO:(

This scene starts with Lisa taking out her phone to call John’s cell phone and listening to his voicemail twice. After the second time she starts talking…so it’s like she’s leaving a message on his voicemail. Just that little thing made the tears come out again…

The dialogue leading up to ASO is amazing though…she was really in tears throughout the whole dialogue and the look on her face…you had to see it, but it was heartbreaking…

I mentioned in part one that there’s a parallel between Surprise and Always starting over…she actually sings the same phrase, new start, in both of the songs. (in the orginal it’s and start, here it’s new start) I love all the little parallels they’ve snuck in..

She really nails this song. Listening to Idina and Jackie, I didn’t think we had anyone that could live up their standards…When we first heard that they were making a production of If/Then, we couldn’t think of anyone that we knew could play this part..We’re so happy and pleased with Linda. She really embodies the character and is perfect for the part. She brings out other sides of Elisabeth and has her own take on the character. She plays out the emotions differently. For example, sometimes she’ll be more angry, other times more matter of factly and she also has great balance between the comedy and the tragedy. She has a very sarcastic sense of humor. Not the mean kind of sarcastic, it’s hard to explain. In Sweden we call it krass, there’s no proper english word for it… Her krassness got lots of laughs from the audience, because a lot of swedes are like that, it’s a very common theme in swedish pop culture.

The Lisa part of her character is more physical, uses her body language a lot more, where as Betty she is more ‘restrained’.

She has a great understanding of the role and really seems to love playing Elisabeth and getting to explore two sides of the same character.

There is one thing I’m upset about though, they took out the second verse of ASO:( I love that verse so much, so I’m still not over that. I guess it has to do with the length of the show again..and I can understand that something had to go since other things had been extended, I just wish it wasn’t this though..

I would love to hear/see the lyrics to the second verse, but unfortuneately I don’t think that’s going to happen…but you never know, she might sing it in a concert someday…

What if(reprise)

In What if and the reprise it’s sexy guitar guy and his percussionist friend who sings the first lines. It’s like they’re still singing the same song after five years…

In Lisa’s conversation with Lucas, when he says: “Move to us in the suburbs” David joins them with the baby in a sling and says excitedly: “Yes! Do that” I think it’s really sweet that they involved David in the scene too, I really liked that.

Their baby is called Finn in this version, but don’t worry, Huckleberry has not been removed completely…David starts saying: “Since we had Finn… and Lisa interrupts him by saying: “I’ll call him Huckleberry” She asks them if they want coffee and David says that he and Finn will go with her. As they walk off she says: “Come on, Huckleberry” and laughs. It’s really sweet.

After Lisa and David’s gone off stage, Lucas remains on stage and does his trademark manbun Lucas switch..

Speaking of trademarks, I forgot to mention that Kate carries around a kazoo, which she uses when she deems it appropiate. Usually to call attention to things or when she’s really excited. For example, she uses it to announce that she’s teacher of the year.

The conversation between Kate and Lucas is amazing from start to finish. When Kate goes to get coffee and tells him to not tell Betty, she says: I’ll cut you into pieces, slowly and makes a knife cutting gesture at him. Then she laughs like a hyena.

When Betty tells him to not tell Kate, Lucas brings out his falsetto voice again and screams in panic.

In Betty’s storyline when Lucas tells her to stay and listen to the sexy guitar guy, she walks over to him, listens for a while and then she starts swaying to the music and dances slightly looking very content and happy. In the background you can see John watching her with a smile on his face before approaching her. It’s a beautiful moment.

Betty’s and Josh’s meeting is beautiful. He seems so shy and bit more Lucasish here..He dares to approach her, but when he talks to her he’s a bit more awkward…I love the way he replies to the war guilt line…

The last thing she does before she exits the stage is to take her phone out of her bag. She smiles and holds it up like she either gets a phone call or is about to make a phonecall..

That’s it…thanks so much for reading all this and for caring. I really love this production and I want to spread the Tänk Om love. I didn’t know what to expect before I saw this production but everyone involved has done such an amazing job and they surpassed all of my expectations and hopes. Malmö Opera has been very brave to produce this musical. Here in Sweden everyone usually goes with more famous and traditional musicals because they draw the crowds. We’re a small country with no big traditions of producing original musicals from scratch. So people here are not that used to seeing orginal work that isn’t based on anything.. I believe that most people that has seen Tänk Om hardly knew anything about it beforehand…I’ve seen a few people mention that they knew about the orginal, but the majority of the audiences is completely new to If/Then… I wish I could share footage with you because there’s so many great things that deserves to be seen. But this report and my audio is the best I can do. My ask is open if you have any questions. :)

Big thanks and credit goes to my sister and partner in crime @askyfullofcomets for helping out with this report. We noticed different things so this is a collabroation.

#tänk om #if/then #if/then sweden #malmö opera #drained #but i've loved writing this

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