#i am done now i love riley everyone be so so so nice and kind and sweet to her she is gods angel and embodies heaven

[boxwinebaddie]

everyday is flat fuck friday

when have you flat ass wife,

AM I RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT LAAAAAADIES

Jesus Christ here I was getting paranoid about being unadded from the gc (my notifications are not working) and my wife says “I missed your flat ass” now I’m cackling bc I’m relieved but also bc that’s objectively funny

[joonieskinks]

i got my red dress on tonight

simon ghost riley x reader | fluff, some swearing. just a nice, sweet confession <3 | 3.7k

Hair freshly cut, make up done, red dress adorned and high heels slipped on. 

You felt and certainly looked like a new woman. It was however a necessary effort tonight as this was no casual event. You, the 141, everyone in the unit was invited to a rather fancy gala. A reward of sorts for your efforts in taking down Makarov, a thank you. Your appearance tonight was certainly something you weren't used to anymore. Not when it came down to 5 minutes to get ready in the morning when the Sergeant calls at 4 AM. But this time was different, and no one could deny that you didn’t look elegant, enticing and beautiful. Maybe it was the outfit and your appearance this evening giving you the confidence, or maybe it was your desire for a certain Lieutenant. 

Perhaps both. Both in the sense that you wanted to see what he would think of you.

Nothing big has really ever happened between the two of you, besides the longing stares, lingering touches and laughs in private occasionally. You two were friends, you stitched him back together when he needed it, you were a confidant. You trusted Simon, and he trusted you. Enough to even tell you his name overtime, it was a memory you treasured deeply…

One year prior…

Simon had a blow to his back, grazing by his shoulder, it was truly a miracle the bullet didn’t rupture deeper with lasting damage. He was fortunate, and trusted you to take care of him. You plopped him on a bed and got to work, carefully extracting what you could without hurting him. It was in these moments of exposure, his back bare to you, trusting in you, that Simon would talk. He would thank you, compliment your skills, ask you about your day. It softened you right up, and you would smile, enjoying his voice. Seeing him so relaxed, it was refreshing and certainly endeared you to him. Yes, he presented a tough exterior, but underneath the mask, he really was just a man. 

“Ghost, can you move a little to the left here, I need the angle to-”

“Simon.” 

You paused at the sound of his deep voice.

“Sorry?”

“Simon, can you move a little left…” He muttered out, you could see his confidence rapidly dissolving before you. But you quickly realized and smiled. As he glanced back your way, shuffling to where you needed him to be, your eyes met briefly and you nodded encouragingly. 

“Simon…” Trying the name out for the first time. You liked it. He liked you saying it too.

You wondered if it would suit his bareface... “Thank you for telling me.” 

“I wanted you to know.” He admitted, feeling a rising blush settle upon his cheeks, and one on yours. It was moments like these where he was thankful for the mask. 

...

Slowly but surely, you fell in love with the tall, broody Brit, you just didn’t know how he felt on his side of things. Apart from quite literally being unable to see his face, he was hard to read. But Simon did have his moments, it brewed hope deep within you. He could be soft, even in his most vulnerable moments where anxiety might overpower all- he was nothing but kind to you. He was an enigma, a blend of both steadfastness and sweetness but you loved it. It took some time to warm up to him, but now that you’ve seen the glimpses of Simon, you couldn’t help but want more. 

So tonight felt huge for you. You felt good, your best, finally clean and put together. It certainly was a nice break from the dusty old uniform. You wanted to see his reaction to you, to see if maybe, just maybe, he would be interested too. 

With one last nod in the mirror, you were out the door downstairs to the hotel ballroom. Perhaps a little late, you would at least make an entrance. Approaching the doors to the hall, they were opened up upon your arrival, revealing a marble, descending staircase to the floor. 

One foot in front of the other, you started to make your way down, treading a little carefully in those heels…

Meanwhile the rest of the 141 were standing around their table, finally enjoying a night out and relaxing with one another. 

“Do you think she’ll even show at this point?” Johnny asked, looking around the group for opinions, rolling up his sleeve to check his watch. John was barely engaging, more like surveying the room, Kyle was knocking back a drink, while Simon kept to himself, standing by his lonesome. Hands resting against the back of his chair, face and emotions hidden behind the mask. Events like this were a lot for him, but he was doing his best by just being here. He couldn’t quite get all dressed up without it tonight, just a little too vulnerable. 

“I don’t know. But she’s usually quite punctual, ain't she?” Kyle returned, grabbing another glass of champagne from the waiter walking by. 

“You know how gals are, hair and makeup, fashionably late.” Johnny teased, but Kyle just shook his head.

“Not our girl, mate. Have you met’er?” He laughed, hitting Johnny gently with his elbow. He could only roll his eyes, ready to knock one back himself. His eyes surveyed for a waiter, turning towards the stairs he spotted red. 

A beautiful woman in red. One he actually recognized, one that- 

Oh. 

“Uh- Are you sure about that, boys?” Johnny chuckled into his glass, staring at a certain someone in particular to see what he’s seeing.

They all turned at once, glancing over in the direction where Johnny was currently nudging his head. Kyle was the first to produce a low whistle at the sight of you, while John was squinting his eyes, not quite clear yet. 

But it was Simon that couldn’t stop gawping. It took him a second as well, thinking Johnny was just eyeing up another girl he could possibly take home tonight. But it really was you, looking like a goddess. Your hair was shorter than it used to be, your figure outlined beautifully in your dress. A waist he wanted to get his hands on immediately, claiming you as his. A smile of confidence on your face. You looked truly beautiful. Simon would argue that you’ve always been beautiful to him, but there’s a certain glow about you tonight. You made an effort, he hoped in part that it was all for him. 

You approached the table smiling, all the boys still looking at you. 

“Well well well, Charmer. Don’t you clean up nice.” Johnny said, eyes still wandering along your frame. Kyle could only pat his Scottish friend on the back in defeat. “Alright, alright. Maybe I owe you one”. Price was smiling too, almost like a proud father, happy to have all his kids together again.

That left you with Simon. You could feel his gaze on you, but you felt too embarrassed to look. It was suddenly like the weight of the world was on you, and you were almost scared. 

What if he was staring in disappointment? You grandstanding like this to get a reaction. It was unlike you, maybe he wouldn’t like this. Fuck. 

You pushed the thoughts to the side as you finally looked up, trying to be brave and smile. The boys were looking on as well, sipping and chatting quietly. They all knew what was going on here, all except the two of you, of course. 

You met his eyes for a second before they left you and studied the ground. Your smile dropped when he excused himself, walking away abruptly, not bothering to look back for a second glance. You watched him as he walked away, his suit fitting him just right. He looked handsome, proper like this. Even when he walks away from you, you’re still thinking about how he affects you… Gosh.

His feet carry him up the stairs and out onto the balcony outside. 

You bit the inside of your cheek, trying to choke back your own disappointment. 

Did you look bad? Was he unimpressed? Was he not attracted to you? Was he embarrassed by you? Were you too much?

“Lass, listen. You look great,” Johnny started, taking you out of your thoughts. “He probably just needs a moment. You know how he is.” 

You nodded with a defeated look, accepting the flute full of alcohol from John as he made his way to stand next you. He let you take a sip to calm your nerves a bit before he drew you into a small hug, whispering in your ear. 

“I’ve been around him too long and seen you two enough times to know when he needs you. I think maybe you know it too. Go.” He encouraged, pulling back with a reassuring stare. John searched your eyes, hoping the message would sink in. You could only nod as the thoughts overwhelmed you, patting his shoulder as a thank you. 

You raised your cup to the boys around you before taking a hefty swig. 

“Gonna need this I reckon.” You quipped before you lifted up your dress to walk across the room, heading after Simon. 

Your emotions are swirling. You’re still a little self-conscious, yet determined as you climb the stairs in your heels. Numb, but feeling absolutely alive at the prospect of Simon needing you too. You’ve always felt something there for him, of course. But with the way Price talked, it was like you too had an effect on the Lieutenant. Your heart swells at the thought and you pick up your pace to the door, hands resting against the cool, metal bar. 

You move to open it slowly, catching a glimpse of Simon’s back turned to you, hands gripping the balcony railing tightly, clearly lost in his own head. You slowly make your way over to him, ready to turn if he decided he wanted to be alone instead. 

“Simon?” You softly prod as you approach him. “Are you okay?” 

He scrunches his shoulders up at the touch of your hand, your body threatening to lean against his at any moment. You’re trying to meet his eyes beneath the mask but he keeps staring straight on ahead at the gardens. You two stay like this for a couple moments, Simon still unable to answer, lost in his own mind on how to deal with this. 

“Si, I just wanted to check on you, make sure you were alright.” 

Your thumb brushes his jacket, moving soothingly back and forth. You’re trying to comfort him, show him you care, that you’re always going to be there for him. That you know him now, that you can read him even beyond Ghost’s persona. You’re trying to help. All he has to do is talk. Open up, his mind is racing. Say something, you fool. Say something. 

You pull your touch away from him, flattening out your dress anxiously. Your gaze defeated and falls to the floor. 

He doesn’t want you here, he just doesn’t know how to say it. Take a hint, Y/N. John was wrong. 

“I’m sorry, Simon, if I’ve done anything to upset you. I didn't mean it, whatever it was.” You mutter, your chest growing heavy. “I’ll see you around, okay?” Biting your lips back, you remove yourself from his presence, his smell, him. 

The tears start to prick at the sides of your eyes, you feel ridiculous and crushed and gutted and-

Simon turns to grab your arm, halting you from moving away from him any further. You turn your head at the feeling. His large, warm hand completing wrapping around your arm. He was so big, comforting. It made your heart leap into your throat.

You meet his eyes once more, and this time he holds it. Looking between yours, you can tell he’s thinking, he’s searching, he’s calculating. You understand, and move to stand in front of him. Your hand coming to rest on top of Simon’s, you smile. Nodding, reassuring him that you’re here, you’re patient, you’re willing. You squeeze his hand. All for him.

All for him and his stomach is flipping, his brain is haywire. He wants to pour his heart out to you, he wants to tell you how much you mean to him. He does, he adores you to pieces and wants you all to himself. The Charmer and the Ghost, he wants you, all of you and he needs to know you want all of him too. It just takes a bit to draw it out. But you’re worth it. You’re wonderfully you, you want him and you’re worth it. 

“You look beautiful tonight.” He whispers, and his voice is music to your ears. Just at the sound, you’re smiling like a kid all over again. It causes a tear to escape down your cheeks, and he notices immediately, moving his hand to wipe it away.

“Don’t cry ‘cause of me, love.” You shake your head.

“I’m okay now. I’m here with you.” Leaning your head into his touch, he caresses your cheek. Your eyes flutter closed at the feeling. He’s warm, he’s comforting, he’s all you want, he thinks you’re beautiful and he’s finally touching you like you’ve longed for. 

If this moment could last forever, you’d surely find a way to become immortal.

“Forgive me.” Simon whispers, his body moving closer to yours. “M’not any good at this.” 

You brush his insecurity off without a second thought. 

“I think you look beautiful tonight too, Simon.” You bite your bottom lip, shy under his gaze. But neither of you let up. His eyes flickering down to your mouth at your movement. Simon clears his throat at the sight, bringing up his other hand to cup your face. He opens his mouth to respond, but you beat him to it.

“I mean it. Very handsome to me.” You breathe out slowly, trying to focus on your thoughts as the proximity to him makes your head woozy. 

“Ghost is handsome to me, and he looks very good this evening.” Your hands move to copy his around his face, touch gently colliding with the mask. “But I think Simon does too… Even if he’s hidden away.” Your thumbs are palming at the material, you move closer to him until your chests meet. A small intake of air can be heard from the soldier, and as you move your head closer to his. He then wraps his arms around your waist to keep you there, acting on impulse. At first he surprises himself, unsure if he made the right call, but your gorgeous smile is there to reassure him. 

Simon lets his forehead rest against yours, the cool material against your skin, calming your aching fever for him, centering your world. 

“I adore Simon. I want you to know that.” You look to his chest, his lips, then settling on the eyes you fell in love with.

“Even if I never get to see him, I choose him.” You remove your hand from his face, but only to make room for your lips. You gently touch them to the mask, lingering as you cherish this moment being so close to the man you love. 

You pull back and his eyes are glued to yours, taking in your action, your kiss, your confession. It’s all he’s wanted and more for years, and now he finally has it right in front of him. But you all too quickly move. You release your hold on him, going to move away. You want to give him his space as you know this is a lot for one night. The last thing you want to do is overwhelm him. The fact that he knows how you feel for him, is enough for you. In time, he will let you know how he feels. And yes, maybe that can be enough for now.

You give him a polite, small smile before going to move away from his grasp again. But he holds you still to him, refusing to let you go. You two remain in each other's embrace for a moment, trying to read one another’s eyes. 

“Simon?” You whisper. Asking him, urging him, encouraging him. He’s trusted you for a long time, he adores you, fuck- he loves you. This is honestly a long time coming at this point. 

Hands move to his head, pulling off the mask hiding his face. You can only watch him as he drops his guard before you, the trust evident. The gesture is a shock to your system, but only love and adoration for his bravery flows after. 

It slips off into his hands and it takes Simon a minute before he can look you in the eyes. He’s both afraid and he’s over the moon. He’s happier than ever but also feels like his heart could stop, he’s everywhere and in between. His soft eyes finally land on your face, your own scanning him for the first time, drinking him in. His heart races a mile a minute, ever waiting for your reaction. 

“Simon…” You whisper. Your hands coming up to finally unite with his bare skin. You hesitate at first, hovering above briefly, silently asking for permission. He nods slowly, eyes still scanning yours for any sign of rejection. 

But you don’t have any. In fact, you think he’s rather gorgeous under the mask. Your thumbs caress his cheeks, whisk delicately over his scars, adorning his soft lips. You’re in his hair, tracing his jaw…

“You really are beautiful.” Another tear slips down your face as the smile erupts. The gesture, his trust in you, his gorgeous face. Your Simon.

He lets the breath he was holding slip from his lungs, relieved. 

“Thank you for trusting me with this, Si.” You whisper once more, eyes moving between his and his lips. At just the sight, you feel a fire starting to burn in your stomach. And he feels the same. The girl he loves isn’t repulsed by his scars, by the man behind the Ghost. Of course he’s overwhelmed at the rush of emotion and support and love he feels from you. He doesn’t waste a second more and brings his hand to the back of your head, bringing your lips to his. 

He’s soft, he’s hot, he’s everywhere. On your mouth, your waist, your head, his chest against yours. It makes your head spin and your body ache for him, more and more. Simon attempts to pull you closer to him, tight, reassuring you he won’t let go. Fuck, and he feels good against you, your nails slightly digging into his shoulders. He’s palming at your waist, fingers slipping down to just above your ass. He can barely resist. 

Simon breathlessly releases you, bringing his forehead back down to touch yours. You hum contently, staring up at the gorgeous man you’ve come to know and love. He refuses to let you go, enraptured by this moment. 

“Si,” You start, still catching your breath. “I want you. All of you. I have for quite some time now.” You laugh a little at your school girl confession, finally admitting your feelings for him. 

“You have me. You’ve always had me, m’just shit at showing it.” You bring him in for another kiss, unable to resist as you watch that gorgeous face produce that deep, deep voice for the first time. It could bring you to your knees, you’re so wrapped up in your love for him and he is too. 

“What do you think the boys will say?” You jokingly inquire. Simon just huffs and smirks. 

“They’ve known for a long time. If anything, I reckon they’ll be relieved, love.” Your eyebrows shoot up and he chuckles, kissing your shocked expression.

“Wait- this whole time?” He nods in confirmation. 

“Since you showed up on base and charmed your way into the 141. Sarcastic but persuasive one, you are.” Simon’s staring down at you, lovingly. Reminiscing, but also thankful for the road walked to get to where you two are now.

“Charmer… Is it you who gave me that? I never figured it out.” 

“Yes, mam. That’s what you are.” 

“My, Simon Riley. Are you flirting with me?” You teased, propping up an eyebrow. Your confidence, your beauty, your love for him- it makes a man do wild things. He didn’t even know he could dip a girl until he tried. 

“Si!” You grasp your hands around his neck, clinging to him for support. But he’s not wavering in the slightest, just gazing at you with nothing but adoration in his eyes. 

“I love you.” He confesses, touching his nose to yours. He’s waiting, patiently. He hopes you’ll say it too. 

Your eyes begin to well up with tears again because finally. The man you’ve longed for after all these years…

“Simon, I love you too.” His gorgeous smile cracks onto his face once again, and you bring your lips to his. He may not be much of an expressive man, but he certainly is with you, here with his hands all over you and kissing you like it’s the last thing he’ll ever do. It’s the happiest he thinks he’s ever been, and it’s all thanks to you. 

His Charmer in that gorgeous, gorgeous red dress. 

/

“Where the fuck did they get off to?” Kyle asks the boys, utterly perplexed. You two missed the whole gala and for what? Price just chuckles. 

“Don’t you think you two already know?” Johnny just rolls his eyes at Price’s comment, motioning for Kyle to follow as he gets up from the table. 

They make their way up to the balcony, spotting your red figure through the glass, stopping as they see you pulled horizontal. The boys take a second and look to see that a man has indeed dipped you, and is indeed kissing you. 

“Who the fuck is that?” Johnny asks menacingly, squinting through the glass. But Kyle just smiles, nudging his friend to glance at the floor.

The mask.

“Well, fuck me- He did tell us he was a handsome fella, huh? Sneaky bastard…”

[yubellia]

I had this idea for a new emotion in (a future) inside out 3

Because let’s face it. Inside out 2 performed pretty well. There is a good chance for a third one.

Remember how Anxiety mentioned that Riley needs more sophisticated emotions? Well the thing is, Anxiety wasn’t wrong. After all, as we grow older, life gets more complicated. We are thrown into new situations.

That’s were my idea for a new character comes in. (Maybe I am not alone with this but bare with me. I swear i didn’t look into the inside out fandom.)

——————————————————

Riley is 16 to 17 years old now. The emotions are doing their job and are more or less relaxed after everything with Anxiety calmed down. Until the console is acting up again. Only around certain people though.

„Just what is wrong with this thing again?“

„I don‘t know but if it’s only around a few people, we can work around it I’m sure!“

That’s when Riley for the first time gets invited by a someone (boy or girl doesn’t matter here. I have seen people speculate about Riley’s preference.)

„Oh how sweet of you!~“

Before the other emotions can react, they hear a new voice.

Just like when Anxiety shows up, they freak out. But this new emotion brings Riley through the conversation and keeps the console in check.

Once they are done and Riley is alone again, they turn around to Joy and the others.

„Well, that was simple. Riley meets them on Saturday. Oh! We have a lot of preparing to do!“

„And who are you that you just decide that?!“

„Oh! Sorry! Where are my manners? Nice to meet all of you! I am ‚Love V Affection‘. It’s a pleasure!“

She does a little bow as she extends her hand for everyone.

„‚V‘?“

„Yes. My embarrassing middle name. I might tell you in the future. Anyway. Riley needs help. Love, affection, even friendship to some extent. That’s my specialty. But until now…. Well, the love for your parents comes so naturally to some. Riley being one of them. And you were doing just fine. Only now is Riley starting to enter this new territory. That’s why I am here. Working in the background isn’t enough anymore. Don‘t worry, I can handle the console.“

Love looks a little like Disgust. Lady like. Taller. With a pink design with black details. Longer mostly pink hair with black tips and strands.

But she kept the console in check. It stopped acting up and she was friendly. Not pushy like Anxiety and the other new emotions.

That is until the person Riley was seeing toyed with her. Riley overheard that it’s a bet. Because she is so…. Not girly.

The console and the alarm went off again. Just like how it did when Riley hit puberty. Love stood over the console, panting and with tears in her eyes. Only for a moment though. Until she lifted her head and revealed a cold grin with her makeup running down giving her black marks.

„You think you can do this? You think you can play with our girl?! You wanna play? Fine! We play! I’ll show you what Love Vengeful Affection can do!“

She slammed her fist down on the console and Riley stormed off to do… something.

„Vengeful? That’s your name?“

„Yes Sadness. And now I’ll show this good for nothing what vengeance looks like!“

——————————————————

This is where Love would become somewhat like an antagonist. She wouldn’t hurt Riley like Anxiety did but it would end kind of like it did in the second movie. Only this time, Anger and Sadness would stop her. She would prepare for Riley to take revenge in a brutal or humiliating way for the person that hurt her.

Love would be like „she will feel better once it’s done! They hurt her! For fun! I just want to protect her!“

Of course Anger and Sadness would stop her. Riley would not do it and in the end, they would end it in a healthy way.

——————————————————-

Sooo. I hope you liked it. That’s just a rough idea of what could happen in the future once Riley really feels love and a new emotion shows up.

[nizomnas]

Spoilers for Inside Out 2

So I watched Inside Out 2.

And what can I say. I cried.... a lot.

As a person who has anxiety too, this film has a really big meaning for me. I could relate to Anxiety the whole time.

Just a little bit of information. I have Hashimoto's disease. It's an autoimmune disease that kind of fucks your whole emotional world. You're more prone to depression and anxiety. That's not to say that I'm "much worse affected than others without the disease." I wish everyone who suffers from depression and anxiety a lot of strength and love.

Back to the actual topic.

All these What If "overthinking" scenarios that buzz around in your head day in, day out. These thoughts about whether you're good enough, whether you're worth it. This film clearly has the message

"Don't pretend, be yourself and don't put yourself under so much pressure."

Pressure is the worst thing you can do to yourself. The pressure to always do everything right, the pressure from society that also weighs on you.

My mum always says:

"Other children want to climb a tree and their only thought at that moment is how to get up the tree. "

"I, on the other hand, am the kind of person who, before climbing a tree, thinks about the best way to get down unharmed. "

(I hope that makes sense I guess ?)

What I'm getting at is that I'm way ahead of many people when it comes to my thinking, as I always think two steps ahead and therefore tend to overthink. Ergo, like Anxiety, I'm constantly stressed. (I'm definitely not saying that I'm better than others!)

I nibble on my fingernails and scratch old wounds all the time because I'm nervous. My best friend bought us a friendship necklace which I abuse as a nibbling necklace.

I felt understood the whole time I was watching the film. Many people don't understand that and say half-heartedly "don't stress yourself out so much" or "you need to calm down". Easier said than done

I have experienced many bad things in my past that have left their mark on me. Everyone is shaped by things in their life. Whether it's good or bad varies from person to person. This film made me feel understood.

I particularly liked the part where Riley had this panic attack. Ok wow that sounds really mean and nasty. But that was the first moment I cried. Anxiety was no longer in control. The doubts and bad feelings took over. She didn't know what to do, she panicked. She knew what she had done wrong. She never wanted anything bad. She only ever wanted the best for Riley.

And that's what Anxiety actually wants to do. Protect us from worse. In the film, they described Fear as "Fear protects Riley from danger". That's what Anxiety wants to do. Anxiety just doesn't know how. Anxiety wants to protect us from bad experiences in life, which is why we think about it and "ruin" the whole situation. And that only makes things worse in the end. Anxiety hurts us even though it wants the opposite.

I think it's nice that they didn't portray anxiety as "pure evil". I loved how they tried to reassure anxiety. To tell her "everything will be fine. Calm down and concentrate on the here and now. " that was the moment I cried for the second time and what? Cried for maybe 5 minutes straight?

We shouldn't be too hard on ourselves. We should try to make the best of every situation. But above all, we should always remain ourselves and not be someone we don't want to be.

[lastoneout]

you absolutely do not need to respond if you don't want to but how does the "everything feels worse because i'm finally healing" differ from "everything feels worse because things really are that bad currently"? i always wonder if there's a way to tell them apart. glad you're getting recovering!

Imo the difference so far, is that back when I was still in an unsafe place that was making my trauma worse, between the hysterical sobbing meltdowns I just felt so....normal. I would freak out and break sometimes, but after that I would feel weirdly fine. Or even at times like I didn't have emotions at all? It was like my brain was going "there is no war in ba sing se" to protect me and keep me from freaking out too bad, and like it kinda was! My major coping mechanism has always been ignoring my emotions and shoving them all in a box until they aren't bothering me anymore. And when I was in those shitty situations that was helpful, because I needed to keep myself alive and I wasn't going to be able to do that if I was a sobbing mess all the time.

Also, the one time it got really, really bad, like I was so deep in a traumatic situation it was clearly just completely destroying me, I really did feel like that part in Inside Out where Riley's console just goes dark and none of her emotions can press any buttons. There was this overwhelming sense of dread and misery, and I could barely take care of myself at all. I stopped going to school and showering and I barely ate anything, I didn't talk to my friends, and tbh I did some stuff that I am SUPER not proud of, bcs my brain legit wasn't working at all, and it wasn't until I got out that I started feeling like a person again.

The pain of healing never feels like that. Yes, I am in a bad mental space a lot of the time, I'm depressed and I have nightmares that make me legit so depressed I spend the whole day crying, but there's like...idk this undercurrent of function and focus that wasn't there before. I can keep doing things WHILE being sad(for the most part), instead of only being able to function when I am repressing everything. And tbh it really does feel like I don't have a choice in the matter, which sounds bad but it's kinda nice? Like my brain is done repressing things and isn't going to let me do it anymore. Every time I try it's almost like there's a firm but kind voice in my head saying "no, we can't do that anymore, you have to face this, it's okay".

It's kinda weird too bcs the deeper into healing I get the less my old coping mechanisms help. Hell most of them don't even work anymore. As an example my mom got into a car wreck recently and she was in the hospital for a while, and when I found out I tried to go into my "no feelings no nonsense we have to be strong now" mode, but it didn't work?? I spent the whole time I was there crying, and like!! I actually was happy I was crying!! Because I've never been able to do that!! It's such a weird thing to be happy I'm upset but like, it means I'm making progress.

And that makes every single moment of misery bearable because I know I need this. I've needed this my entire life, and it hurts and is scary, and sometimes I do have to just zone out and play video games or spend a day in bed being sad, but I just...know it's the right thing. Idk how else to explain it, I just know.

It also helps that now I know what a happy, safe life looks like and I know it's there waiting for me. I know this work is worthwhile because I don't want to live my life the way I used to. And I am in a happy, supportive relationship that actively inspires me to work on myself and be a better person. I know not everyone has that, but framing it in a way where I am trying to be better not just for myself but for the people I love helps give me that extra bit of strength I need to keep going.

Anyway this is kinda rambly, sorry, but I did want to answer. If anyone else has any advice for anon feel free to add it on!! I have to go to therapy now lmao but when I'm done if I think of anything else I'll add it!

[massivedrickhead]

I’m a glutton for punishment, could you pretty please do a follow up to the ‘you don’t know who I am’ bechloe week prompt? 😭

Sometimes I wonder if you lot are okay and then I remember I’m the one writing it…

Part 1

Read on AO3

“Mom, are you listening?” Blake asked, shooting a concerned glance at her sister. “Do you understand what I’ve just said?”

Chloe just hummed, absentmindedly twisting the wedding band on her finger, as she looked out the window from her room.

She liked this spot by the window because it meant she could see Beca arriving, and she would be here any minute.

“Mom?” Riley tried this time.

Chloe turned to look at them. “Yes?”

“Did… did you hear what Blake just said?” Riley’s eyes were red from crying. It felt like all she’d done was cry the past few days. “About… about Mom?”

Chloe’s breath quickened for a moment, as she replayed the news the girls had just given her, trying to make sense of it.

“You shouldn’t say things like that,” Chloe said, turning back to the window.

“I’m not lying,” Blake said, her voice breaking slightly. “Mom… Mom died. The doctor said she was sick, but she didn’t tell us.”

“He said it was peaceful,” Riley said, sniffing. “She died in her sleep.”

“Of course she didn’t,” Chloe said, her eyes still fixed on the drive of the nursing home.

“I found her,” Riley said before she dissolved into tears again. “Blake, I can’t.” She left the room.

With a sigh, Blake approached Chloe, and took both her hands in hers. “Mom, can you look at me?”

Chloe did, surprised to see tears in her eldest daughter’s eyes.

“I know this is hard for you to understand,” Blake said. “I know this isn’t your fault. But I need you to really try and hear me, okay? Mom - Beca - she died. A couple of days ago now. We keep trying to explain it to you, but you aren’t… it isn’t taking hold.”

Chloe swallowed, tears filling her eyes.

“I don’t understand,” she said, softly.

“I know, Mom,” Blake said, swallowing the lump in her throat, forcing herself to keep it together.

“You look a lot like my daughter, you know?” Chloe said, her voice shifting from heartbreak to curiosity in seconds.

Blake closed her eyes and tears slipped down her cheeks. She wanted to scream at her Mom that she was her daughter, but she knew it wouldn’t do any good.

“Wait till my wife gets here, you’ll see. She’ll tell you just how much you look like her,” Chloe said, brightly, her attention returning to the window.

“Okay,” Blake said. “I should probably go, I need to get home to the kids.”

“No,” Chloe said, “wait a few more minutes? Beca will be here soon.”

“Why didn’t you remember her when she was alive?” Came Riley’s voice from the doorway. “She might have… she would have fought if she still had you.”

“Riley,” Blake said, softly. “Come on, this won’t help.”

“You were her entire world,” Riley said, tears coming quickly, “but it seemed like you remembered pretty much everyone but her. Do you know what that did to her?”

“Riley,” Blake said, again. “Stop it.”

“Who are you?” Chloe asked, feeling attacked.

“Who are you?!” Riley snapped. “You’re supposed to be my Mom but-”

“Enough,” Blake said, cutting her off. “Go and wait for me in the lobby. This isn’t helping.”

With a noise of frustration, Riley left the room.

Blake turned back to face Chloe.

“She’s upset with me?” Chloe asked, looking almost childlike.

“No, Mom,” Blake said. “Not really. She’s just… she misses Mom. And she misses you.”

Chloe nodded, and looked down at her wedding band. “I don’t know what’s happening to me. I’m… I’m scared.” She looked back at Blake. “I know I’m supposed to know who you are, but you keep… flickering.”

“Who do you think I am?” Blake asked, her voice nothing but patient and kind.

Chloe lifted her hand to Blake’s dark brown hair, and gently touched it.

“You look like…” Chloe’s eyes searched Blake’s. She studied the shape of her nose and the colour of her eyes. She knew she was someone. “I think you’re someone very special to me.”

“Yeah,” Blake sniffed. “I think I am.” Chloe smiled, and Blake kissed her Mom on the cheek. “I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Okay,” Chloe said, turning to face the window again.

She wasn’t sure who she was waiting for anymore, but she carried on waiting.

Outside Riley was being consoled by one of the nurses. When she saw Blake approaching she looked guilty, and suddenly she was a little kid again.

“Ri, we can’t talk to her like that,” Blake said, softly, taking a seat beside her. “You know that. It isn’t her fault.”

“I know,” Riley said, sniffing. “I just… I want Mom.”

“Come here,” Blake said, putting an arm around her shoulders. “I wish she was here too.”

“I thought we had time with her, you know? I wish she’d told us. I wish we could have been able to prepare,” Riley said, wiping her eyes on her sleeve. “Finding her like that…” Riley dissolved into tears again.

“Shh, it’s okay,” Blake said, tears stinging her own eyes.

“Do you think she understands?” Riley asked after a few moments of silence.

“No,” Blake said. “She’s getting worse by the day. It’s probably kinder if we don’t tell her again.”

After that day, Chloe didn’t remember her daughters again. Beca would float into her mind occasionally, but never for very long.

Blake visited every other day, because she knew that’s what Beca would have wanted her to do, but Riley found it too hard. In her mind, she had lost both of her parents.

Blake would sit and listen to Chloe tell stories about her childhood, until her early memories started to slip from her too.

Her speech was beginning to fail, and her balance was poor too.

Blake knew it was a matter of months, not years, that she had left with her Mom.

“Do you want to see a picture of Davey?” Blake asked on her last visit. “It was his birthday last week.” It had been six months since they lost Beca, and Davey’s birthday felt like the first time she really smiled in a long time.

“Who?” Chloe asked, her hands fidgeting in her lap.

“My little boy,” Blake said. Your grandson, she almost said. She handed Chloe her phone.

Chloe smiled. “I always wanted kids,” she said.

Blake swallowed hard as she took back her phone.

“What did you say your name was?” Chloe asked.

“Blake,” Blake said.

You used to tuck me in at night and you used to hold me when I cried.

Mom would carry me on her shoulders and taught me how to play piano, and you used to make me chocolate chip pancakes when I was sad.

You would sing to me when I was sick and Mom once had a fight with a guy who took my picture.

“That’s a nice name,” Chloe said, stifling a yawn.

“Thank you,” Blake said. You chose it. “My Mom chose it.”

“Well I suppose it’s time for you to go now,” Chloe said, her social skills not what they were.

“Yeah,” Blake said, wiping the corner of her eye on her sleeve. “I’ll see you in a couple of days.”

“Okay,” Chloe said. “Goodbye, then.”

“Bye.” I love you. I miss you.

Chloe woke up the next morning and for the first time in a very long time, she felt like herself.

The fog that had filled her mind was gone, along with the constant aches and pains that had filled her body.

It was such a relief. Like waking up from a nightmare and realising everything was okay.

Beca was sitting on the end of her bed.

“Hey you,” she said, smiling sadly. She was younger than Chloe thought she should be. Early thirties at the oldest. “I didn’t think I’d see you so soon.”

Something twisted inside of Chloe, and she looked down at her hands. Gone were the wrinkles and age spots. They were young with freshly painted, neatly trimmed nails.

“Oh,” Chloe said, reality hitting her as a cold chill ran down her back.

She turned and saw herself - the old lady she’d become - still lying on the bed. Eyes closed, chest still.

“Come on,” Beca said, holding out a hand. “It’s okay, you don’t need to be afraid.”

“The girls?”

“They… it’s going to be hard for them. But they’ll get through it,” she said.

“I can’t go back? I can’t say anything to them? I… I forgot them, Beca. When… I don’t know when I last told them I loved them,”

“They knew,” Beca said, softly. “We can’t go back.”

“I don’t want to leave them,” Chloe said. She didn’t know if she could cry in whatever form she was in, but she wanted to.

“I know. I didn’t want to either. People rarely do. But we can keep an eye on them and, eventually, they’ll come and join us,” Beca said.

Chloe swallowed and nodded. “I missed you,” she said, “I’m so sorry I forgot you.”

Beca smiled, and tears filled her eyes. “I missed you too.”

She held out her hand again, and Chloe took it. She felt warmth spreading through her.

“How much time do we have?” Chloe asked, smiling as Beca pulled her into a hug.

“We have forever.”

[sfb123]

The Final Goodbye - Chapter 2

Book: The Royal Romance, Book 2

Pairing: Liam x Riley

All characters belong to Pixelberry.

Description: In a slight canon divergence from book 2, Riley reaches her breaking point with the engagement tour and decides to restart her life when the court gets to NYC. Can the rest of the group clear her name, and convince her to come back before it’s too late?

Catch Up Here

Rating: PG (I think there are a few swear words in there, very angsty, but otherwise pretty mild)

Word Count: 1,299

A/N: I am so incredibly humbled by the response I got from chapter 1 last week. I don’t think it’s been much of a secret that I’ve been kind of down on my writing and myself in general the last couple of weeks, but the overwhelming love that you all have sent to me via your reblogs, comments, and messages this week has truly warmed my heart and meant the world to me. Thank you so, so much for your support. 

Again, I have to mention my fandom soulmate (yea, I’m just going to start calling you that always now, because you are) @jessiembruno. Your support and encouragement has been monumental in getting me out of my funk, and I will forever be grateful and in your debt for all you have done for me. Even if it’s just keeping me company via zoom while I do my nails for 2 hours! 

Shout out to @emkay512. This doll face reached out on Friday and is an absolute sweetheart. We got to talking, and she mentioned that today is her birthday, so I would like to dedicate today’s chapter to her! Happy birthday beautiful, and I apologize in advance for further breaking your heart on your special day. 

Tags: Listed below. If you’d like to be added or removed, just let me know!

When Riley finished her song, the entire bar erupted into uproarious applause as she hurried off the stage, the entire bar minus one table. Riley’s group of friends were completely silent. Maxwell, Drake, and Hana shot each other concerned looks before turning to Liam. He was staring at a now empty stage, they could all see that he was trying to keep his expression neutral, but that proved to be difficult with a single tear rolling down his cheek.

Drake placed a hand on his shoulder, snapping him out of his daze. “Li, are you alright buddy?”

Liam cleared his throat and shook his head, looking over at his friend. “Yes...yea, sorry. She has an amazing voice, doesn’t she?”

“The best. She’s our very own diva!” Maxwell said in an upbeat tone, trying to remind everyone that they were supposed to be having fun. “Where did our little Mariah run off to?” He started looking around the bar to find her. 

“She probably just went to the bathroom. I’ll go check on her.” Hana got up from the table and headed toward the ladies room at the back of the bar. 

Liam rested his elbows on the table and cradled his head in his hands. All he could think about was the hurt in her eyes as she looked at him from the stage, pouring her heart out to him. He couldn’t help but feel like that song was more than just a way to vent her frustrations at their current situation. He didn’t need to say a word for his friends to know exactly what he was thinking. 

Drake was the first one to speak up. “Listen Liam, it was a really bad day for her. She had to pick up Madeleine’s wedding ring, it was kind of a mind fuck for her.” 

His head snapped up at the information he had received. “She what?!”

“Yea, Madeleine sent her. She said she needed to do it as a thank you for letting Riley come on the tour and be in your life.” Maxwell added. 

Liam’s expression immediately hardened as his hands clenched into fists. “I can’t believe Madeleine would…”

“Um...guys, she wasn’t there.” Hana interrupted. All three of them turned to look at her with wide eyes. 

Liam felt his chest tighten as he jumped out of his seat. “What do you mean she wasn't there? Where did she go? We have to find her!” 

As Liam turned to head for the door, Maxwell grabbed his arm and pulled him back. “Liam, hold on. She probably just went back to the hotel. Letting that much emotion out in front of all of these people, in front of you, it had to have been exhausting.”

“Well I need to go talk to her then.”

“Liam, don’t. If she ran out of here like that, she wants to be alone. I know Brooks well enough to know that if she wants to talk, she’ll come to you. Showing up at her door isn’t going to fix anything right now.” Drake patted the seat next to him, encouraging Liam to sit back down. 

“Fine, but I’m going to need another drink.” Liam slumped into the seat next to Drake and ran a hand through his hair. 

**

The next morning, Drake was heading in the direction of Riley’s room when he heard Liam calling out to him. He turned to see his friend lightly jogging to catch up to him. “Hey Liam, how’d you sleep?”

“I didn’t. I spent all night convincing myself not to rush to Riley’s room to talk to her.” 

They walked together as another voice filled the hallway. “Liam, darling.” They both cringed and turned around to see Madeleine at the other end of the hall with her hands on her hips. “We are needed for the final preparations.”

“Madeleine, I’m in the middle of something. I will meet you there.” He stood tall, and took a deep breath. He still hadn’t confronted her about the errand she had sent Riley on, but that conversation would be happening very soon. 

Madeleine arched an eyebrow and walked quickly and confidently in their direction, stopping in front of Liam with her arms folded across her chest. “Sweetheart, you are needed to prepare for our wedding shower. What am I supposed to tell everyone when I arrive on my own? Do what you will with her in your free time. This is our time, I cannot have you missing important meetings for her. That’s not how this works.”

“She is more important than any meeting that will ever come across my calendar, especially any meeting involving you.” He sneered at her before turning to Drake. “Tell her I came by. And let me know if there is anything I can do.”

“Of course, man.” Drake clapped Liam on the shoulder and watched as Madeleine linked her arm through Liam’s and walked away. 

As Liam and Madeleine headed to the elevator, they passed Maxwell, the friends exchanging sad looks.

“Hey Drake, how’s our girl holding up?”

“Don’t know, that interrupted us before we could get to her.” 

“Well, let’s go cheer her up. I’ve got some great news!” He bounded toward Riley’s room. 

“What do you mean? What kind of news?”

Maxwell turned to him as he began to knock on the door. “We found Tariq!” Drake’s jaw dropped and he stared at Maxwell in shock, as he continued to knock on the door, not getting a response from Riley. “Little Blossom, rise and shine. We’ve got a big day ahead of us!” He turned his attention back to Drake. “This is weird, she’s usually at least yelling at me to go away by now.”

That comment gave Drake an uneasy feeling in his stomach, he pushed Maxwell aside and began banging on the door. “Come on Brooks, let us in.” A couple of neighboring doors opened as angry heads popped out of them, glaring at the early morning intrusion.

“What is the meaning of this commotion? This is a nice hotel, not a frat house!” Maxwell stiffened at the sound of his brother’s voice. Drake continued his assault on the door. 

“Bertrand! Um...hi. Riley’s not answering the door. She had a late night, she’s probably still asleep.” Maxwell stumbled through his words. 

Bertrand closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Maxwell, do you have the spare key to her room?”

“Oh, right! I forgot about that.” He reached into his back pocket, pulling out a key card for the room and handing it to Drake. “Here, use this.” 

Drake shook his head and snatched the card out of his hands. “Brooks, we’re coming in. You’ve been warned. I don’t want to see anything I’m not supposed to.”

They opened the door and entered her room, walking through the sitting area, the bedroom, and then the bathroom. Riley was nowhere to be found. Her bed looked untouched, and it was too early for housekeeping to have come through. 

The three men discussed how best to move forward from here. They were in New York, so Riley was already home, they knew she wouldn’t try to fly out anywhere. But they also knew that they needed to get to LA to track down Tariq and get him to make a statement before he found out they were on his trail and disappeared again. Drake and Maxwell hesitantly agreed to meet up with Hana and take Liam’s jet to LA to get Tariq, while Bertrand went in search of Riley, to talk her into returning. All three agreed it was best not to tell Liam that Riley was missing. He was already dealing with enough, and Riley’s performance the night before had taken quite a toll on him. 

Permatag:

@anjanettexcordonia​ @athena-penrose​ @chemist-ana​ @choiceskatie​ @cordonia-gothqueen​ @cordoniaqueensworld​ @emkay512​ @gabesmommie1130​ @gkittylove99​ @hopelessromanticmonie​ @iaminlovewithtrr​ @jessiembruno​ @kat-tia801​ @khoicesbyk​ @kingliam2019​ @lucy-268​ @marshmallowsaremyfavorite​ @mile9213​ @mom2000aggie​ @pixie88​ @queenrileyrose​ @secretaryunpaid​ @sweatyrysconnoisseur​ @theroyalheirshadowhunter​ @twinkleallnight​ @txemrn​

The Final Goodbye:

@ao719​ @burnsoslow​ @busywoman​ @ladyangel70​ @mainstreetreader​ @tessa-liam​

Liam x Riley:

@jared2612​

@choicesficwriterscreations

[thecarrieonokay]

Macgyver 5x13 Thoughts

Once again guys, I warn you that there is no discernible structure to this rant. These are just the things that stood out to me. Do I even need to warn you about my language at this point?!

Overall feeling of this one was like a tasty, cozy three course Italian meal. Then espresso for afters. Kudos to the creative team for the way they were genuinely able to make Georgia feel like the Italian countryside.

“I have thick hair.” Yes Mac. We know. Everyone has noticed. Your hair is, frankly, luscious. EVEN when it’s slicked back with oil. 

The airbags- Desi: “That’s not gonna work.” [*it works*] ”Never mind! Super cool!” --- Sweetie, you gotta know this shit USUALLY works. It’s sort of Mac’s thing. 

OF COURSE Mac knows his Bond. That makes me SUPREMELY happy. Listen, I am SUCH a Bond nerd that I got the Goldfinger reference immediately (did a little sqeeeee! I literally have a vintage Bond poster in my house) and it REALLY irrationally pissed me off that Desi didn’t get it. I mean… the DB5? CU’MON GURL!!

“Now you see me, now you don’t.” RUSS. This cracked me up. Seriously. He’s doing what all of them would be doing if they could and he’s only doing it because he can get away with it because HE’S THE BOSS! SUCH a child. But he’s also a child with power and money. Case in point: his conversation with Riley regarding her past. A lot of people have gone into this already so I’ll just say that Russ has a lesson to learn here and Riley’s gonna fucking TEACH. YOU EAT THAT FORMAGGIO GURL. WE’RE WITH YOU!

MAC and his hands. That moment he couldn’t release the oil (“There’s another corner. This is our LAST CHANCE!”: way to up the tension, writers!). The beautiful post oil-slick vignette shot. The lingering shot where he’s holding his hand behind his back in front of Desi. Asking Bozer to look into his Dad’s cancer symptoms--- THAT is confessing his worst fear. OOF. That hurts. He knows they rely on him. He KNOWS if he admits what’s going on everyone will freak out… and “so many people have died to save (him)”. And what’s more, he and Riley SHARE this fear. Their hands are how they “help people”. They’re scared for themselves AND for each other. 

1994 hunter green JEEP WRANGLER? Of course. He’s MACGYVER!!

Also. The CIA’s top neurologist is a woman of colour and not an old white guy and I can’t tell you how happy that casting makes me!!

MAC & DESI moving in? Keeping medical issues secret? Dumbing down Macsplaining lingo? DUAL character voiceovers (fuckin’ love the twist there!! Character development and progress!!)?! This has also been talked about but I’ll just add that the physical comedy between the two of them was funny as fuck throughout the whole episode. Also, the story is progressing nicely showing that though they may be incompatible as a couple, they have forged a love that will see them through as friends and professional partners in future. (FYI, I think this may be the first ep where one of them referred to the other as a “partner”?)

RILEY & MAC are always in sync with each other. Especially obvious in contrast to the way Desi couldn’t stop herself from asking ‘why’ every time Mac told her to do something when she was first getting used to ‘being his hands’. I don’t think Riley had ever asked ‘why’. She’s always just done it. 

DR. DOUBLE-0-BOZE! MVP as usual. Legend. And his ‘subjects’ really are cute. But do we need to talk about the NO ANIMAL TESTING RULE?! Ok, ok. Exceptional circumstances. I get it. Kind of. 

MATTY. “She can pop in like that whenever she wants”. She’s calling out dirty Italian cops OVER THE PHONE. She knows ALL about Riley and her team of former felon hackers. She was in full-on protective mamma mode. She feels responsible. She would “never let her emotions dictate Phoenix strategy”... until she does. And she broke my heart at the end- I don’t think we’ve ever seen her look so helpless as she watched the broker being murdered. 

AND her team are disobeying her. Guys. The team is slightly fractured here. And as we all know, the team only work well together if they’re a solid, TRUSTING unit. This is a big plot point. 

Still no scene between Riley and Desi. I’m waiting patiently guys! 

This Monica Macer era is shaping up exactly how I hoped it would. I’m trying REALLY hard not to be devastated by it. Whatever happens, I’m confident the next two episodes will be exceptional. <3

ALSO SHOUTOUT TO THE FANDOM IN GENERAL!! You guys are AWESOME! So much love. Trending. Cast sharing the love. Petition is growing FAST! Paperclips flying everywhere!! It makes me happy to see. Just know if I could be doing it live with you, I would be. <3 <3 <3

Now I’m off to meditate so I can concentrate on writing and not the Macgyver cancellation for a bit...

[renidrag]

you're so right, the one thing everyone in generation needs to do is communicate with each other 😭 but what has me on edge is what's going to happen with luz now she's, like, mad with greta bc she doesn't like her. she has the "not yet" that can potentially hurt greta and im actually wondering if she's gonna tell her or if riley will first (which i kind of doubt? since riley seems to be pushing her away from the looks of it in the sneak peek?). Idk!! what are your opinions? i like reading your posts. Thank you alsjhs

thank you for reading! I just think the character dynamics and the acting and the writing are so so good and something I've never really seen done before (also I'm so sorry this got a little bit off track by the time I'd finished writing lmaoooo)

oh I absolutely believe luz is gonna weaponise that info like there is no way they specifically wrote that asshole mini-monologue for her and had her tell riley 'not yet' to not use it when they want to cause even more problems. I think riley's gonna self destruct next episode (callback to Sam in ep 9 'you don't wanna blow yourself up in the process') out of some sort of misguided sense of self loathing - you can see in ep 13 when aquarium pablo turns up she looks so guilty and upset with herself more than anything

when stuff goes wrong for riley she always makes a joke out of it but then turns the rage inward to hurt herself - all the shit with her parents has obviously just taught her that she's the root of everyone's problems. she's so self sacrificing (when she says she's happy for greta and luz and has a photo that she LITERALLY CRIED OVER for their couple photo album??? riley pls be nice to yourself) and finds it so hard to ask for what she needs (she has to force out that she's having a shit time with her parents and needs chester to come inside with her and then we find out that her mum has totally invaded her space and done god knows what with all her belongings to have her weird play room which is funny yes but also like so deeply distressing to me)

god my heart aches for her like up until recently with the GSA kids probably no one has ever really told her that she's worthy of time and love, I don't even know how she's as functional as she is but I guess kids are resilient. I could argue that sometimes riley uses sex as a form of self harm or like a tranquilliser for all her feelings because at least when people are having sex with her she knows they actually want and desire her in some imitation of honesty. but I digress and also it's a show about teenagers so maybe it's not that serious and dark.......idk

I'm not really sure where the end of that episode is going to leave us but then episode 15 according to the plot synopsis is where greta and riley finally have their cards on the table convo about where they stand with each other. I would love the luz thing to come up so it doesn't blow up everything later, but if greta is asexual and says that to riley as one of the reasons she was/is confused about them then I think there's no way riley's going to say 'hey sorry but when you rejected me and accidentally called me a slut I went and found someone who would actually fuck me to make myself feel better and that happens to be luz lol'. it's going to be so much worse that she didn't just go off and have sex with some random guy but she had her first sexual experience with a girl that wasn't greta like they're somehow interchangeable (obviously not but that's how it would feel I think)

the last episode I'm thinking riley and greta will be maybe like circling each other with ~meaningful~ eye contact and stuff like they always do which would hopefully finally culminate in one good honest mitski kiss where they actually know how intensely they feel about each other. there's footage of marisela and chase rehearsing a scene for the finale that definitely looks confrontational and given that I'm like 75% sure that luz will either tell greta or threaten to tell greta just to be the asshole she's promised to be. I hope greta understands riley enough at that point to know it wasn't personal but it's gonna be bad and painful whenever it happens

tl;dr for this unhinged essay: I agree with you that I think riley won't do it herself, luz will either have to do it or coerce riley into doing it which will make everything a disaster and I hope that it won't ruin it forever but I am SCARED

[avengerscompound]

The Tower: Family - 27

The Tower: Family An Avengers Fanfic

Series Masterlist PREVIOUS //

Pairing:  Avengers x OFC, Bruce Banner x Bucky Barnes x Clint Barton x Wanda Maximoff x Steve Rogers x Natasha Romanoff x Tony Stark x Thor x Sam Wilson x OFC (Elly Cooper)

Word Count: 1740

Warnings:  Pregnancy, mentions of past child abuse, little angsty

Synopsis: With new powers, Thor now living on Earth full time, a wedding to plan, and Natasha and Wanda expecting, a lot is changing for Elly and her large and rather unconventional family.  When Elise’s parents try to reestablish connections, Elly questions what being a family actually means.

Chapter 27: The Blank Check

While the babies stayed in the medbay in intensive care I decided it was about time that my mother met Tony and Steve, and if that went well, Riley and Pietro too. It had been over six months since that meeting with her and dad, and with the babies all coming now, it wouldn’t be long until I would have the babies around me all the time and the decision of whether I let her meet my children or not would be a decision about whether I kept working to have a mother/daughter relationship with her at all.  It was time to shit or get off the pot.

I invited mom to come up and have morning tea with me.  Steve and Tony would be there too and if that went well FRIDAY could tell one of the others to bring Riley and Pietro down.  

I spent that night with Wanda and the babies and after we had breakfast and she fed them I headed up to prepare.  Everyone else had agreed to give us space and had gone to either visit Wanda and the twins or went down to the garden to play with the dogs and Riley and Pietro.  I had the cooks prepare a spread of small cakes and finger sandwiches along with tea and coffee.  When FRIDAY announced that she was coming up in the elevator I got up quickly.

“You both wait here,” I said to Tony and Steve.

Tony looked more nervous than I felt.  I wasn’t sure why I was so nervous.  I’d spent so much time with my mom lately, it wasn’t like being reunited with a stranger.  I guess I just felt like this was it.  Yes, I could cut her out if things turned toxic later, but if I introduced her to Riley and Pietro today, they’d go from having no grandparents to having one and I wouldn’t want to be the one that took that away from them.

“El,” Steve said gently.  “Everything is going to be fine.”

I nodded and went to the elevator.  It opened up just as I got to it and mom stepped out.  She looked even more nervous than I felt.  She had a couple of large gift bags in her hands and she looked around the entryway in awe. It was her first time in the penthouse, so I wasn’t exactly surprised she was impressed by it.  “Elise, honey,” she said, kissing my cheek.  “I heard that Wanda had her babies, so I bought some presents.  And some for Riley and Pietro too.”

“That’s really nice, mom,” I said, leading her inside.  “You didn’t have to do that.”

“I know.  I just…”  She didn’t finish her sentence but I knew what she was going to say.  She really wanted to meet them.

I led her past the stairs and around the corner to the dining table where Tony and Steve were standing.  Tony fidgeted on his feet as Steve stood with his hands behind his back.  “Mom, this is Tony and Steve,” I said.  “Steve, Tony, this is my mom, Jennifer.”

“Yes, of course,” mom said, as Steve stepped forward to shake her hand.  “I know you both.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Jennifer,” Steve said, shaking her hand.

“Please, it’s Jenny,” mom said.

“Jenny,” he said with a nod.  “Take a seat.”

Mom sat down and Steve and I sat near her.  Tony sat a little further away on the other side of me.

“Have I met everyone now?”  Mom asked.

“Yeah, these are the last two,” I said.  “To be brutally honest with you mom, I held back with them because I figured if you were lying to me, these were the two you were using me to get to.”

She frowned and nodded.  The information obviously hurt but she seemed to understand.  “I get it.  I’m glad you’re trusting me more.”

“While we’re all being brutally honest,” Tony said.  “Not all of us wanted you to get involved in her life.”

She nodded again.  “I know.  And I might deserve that,” she said.  “But I am grateful that I was given a chance.  And I know you were involved with setting me up in the city and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to repay you for that.”

“So if I was to offer you a million dollars to leave us alone?”  Tony asked.

Mom looked at him like she’d been hit by a truck.  Her mouth opened and closed like a fish as she tried to grasp the full gravity of what he’d just said.

“I’m completely serious,” Tony said, pulling out his checkbook.  “A million not enough?  Five?  Will five do it?  How about ten?"  He started to scribble out on his checkbook.  "I’ll tell you what Mrs. Cooper, I’ll sign this and write your name right here, and you can fill in exactly the amount you think your daughter is worth.  Because that’s what you wanted right?  For her to marry rich and you and your husband could get your big fat dowry right?  Well, she did just like you wanted.  She got the richest.  If my money isn’t good enough, maybe we can dip into the Asgardian pot.”

Mom looked at me in shock. “Is this what you want, Elise?”

I could feel myself tearing up and I wasn’t sure exactly what factor of what was happening right now was affecting me the most.  Tony’s aggressive overprotectiveness or the fact I was a little worried that my mom would take it.  Over the past few months, the thread that joined me to her had gotten thicker and brighter.  The thought of her ruining all that by picking up the check hurt.

“Of course not,” I said.

“If it’s hurting you, I can leave you alone,” mom said.   “I’ve hurt you enough.  I don’t want the money.  I want you to be okay.”

I started crying and Tony took the blank check and tore it into pieces.  “That’s what I was hoping to hear.”

“Did you have to be so dramatic?”  Steve scolded as he pulled me close and rubbed my back.

“Sorry, honey.  I just wanted you to be sure,” he said.

I shook my head and my mom moved closer and took my hand.  I looked into her eyes and she looked back at me seriously.  “Elise, I am sorry for standing by so passively while your father hurt you the way he did.  For raising you to believe you’d ever done anything to deserve it and that all you could expect in life was more of the same.  I’m sorry it took me so long to accept your sexuality.  If I could go back and change things I would.  But I’m so proud of you.  I’m proud of everything you’ve done.  I might not understand it all, but you have a beautiful family that makes you happy and that is the least you deserve.”

I was weeping openly by the time she was done and launched myself into her arms.  She held me close.  The way I held Riley or Pietro when they were upset.  The way moms are supposed to hold their daughters.  The way I’d wish she’d hold me back when my father would hurt me.  I didn’t feel resentful though.  I felt grateful that after all this, I’d finally become the priority.  I felt grateful that I had a chance to have my mom be my mom.

“FRIDAY?”  I said, keeping my head buried in my mom’s neck.  “Can you…?”

“Of course, Doctor Cooper,” she replied.

“Alright.  How about we eat?”  Steve said, rubbing my back. “Elise had very specific ideas about what morning tea was.”

“Right,” mom said, rubbing my back and letting me gently pull away from her embrace.  “Of course.  So tell me about the new babies.”

“They are precious,” Steve said.  “The tiniest little things.  Our other two were more premature, but they were bigger, I’m sure of it.”

“I don’t think so, Steve,” I giggled.  “You’re just used to the bruiser that Riley has become.”

“Well whatever the case, they are so small they can each fit in the palm of Thor’s hand,” Steve said.

The elevator dinged and a moment later Clint appeared around the corner holding both Riley and Pietro’s hands.  Mom turned in her chair and gasped, her hands flying to her mouth.  “Is this… are they?”

“Mom,” I said, getting up and waving Clint over.  “This is Pietro and Riley.”

She got down on one knee in front of them.  “Hello, little ones, look at you,” she said, touching their faces.  “Oh my goodness, you have your mother’s eyes.”

Riley looked up at Clint.  “Who’s dis?”

“That’s your grandma,” Clint said, as mom started laughing.

“We don’t dot a gwandma,” Pietro said, eyeing his grandmother suspiciously.

“I’ve been away.  I’m so sorry,” she said.  “I’m back now.  I have presents.”

“Pwesents?”  Pietro asked.

“Is dat cake?”  Riley added, pointing at the table.

Mom laughed as Clint helped her back up.  “You come open your presents and have some cake.  I really want to hear all about you both.”

They ran over to the table excitedly and climbed up on the chairs.  Mom picked up the present bags by her chair and looked at me, tears pricking her eyes.  “Thank you, Elise,” she said quietly.

“You’re welcome,” I said.  “If you would like we can go see Rose and Sarah on your way out.”

“I would love that,” she said.  “Thank you.”  She turned back to the kids and gave them the gift bags.  "I wasn’t sure what your favorite things were.  So I hope you like what I got you.  You’ll have to show me the kinds of things you like best though.”

The kids began opening their presents and mom got them each a cupcake and some milk and gave it to them.  I let FRIDAY know the others could come up if they wanted.  Steve wrapped his arm around me as I watched my mom fussing over the kids.  “Is this how you hoped it might be?”  He whispered.

I nodded and turned, cuddling into him.  “Better,” I said.

“Well, sweetheart,” he replied.  “You deserve it.  I hope you know that.”

I nodded, and for once, the trauma of my past didn’t raise its head to tell me otherwise.  This time, I completely believed that I did.

// NEXT

[iron--spider]

I woke up at 3am yesterday to watch The Devil All the Time and I’ve been thinking about it since. I’m gonna put my thoughts and feelings and a review of sorts behind the cut, because I am gonna talk about it freely, so there will be spoilers! So don’t click if you don’t wanna see. I’ll also be discussing the content of the film and I know that might bother people, so that stuff is in here, too! And it’ll be really long because you know I can’t shut up.

So, I loved it. I loved it loved it loved it. I read the book a long time ago when I first found out Tom was gonna be in it, and the only problem I had with the book was that the POVs would change in the middle of a paragraph lmao, but other than that I thought it was pretty perfect. I knew the movie was gonna be pretty brutal, because the book is brutal, so I was prepared.

-BUT I think the critics HIGHLY HIGHLY exaggerated how bad the content was. Like, seriously, they acted as if this was gonna be a Saw movie. I was preparing for blatant, horrific gore, but it didn’t live up to their dramatics at all. There’s blood and nasty situations, but every single episode of Game of Thrones is worse than this movie, as are most episodes of any crime drama on a paid network. I actually thought they were super, super tactful of all their horrific shit. The dog death was off screen and the shot of the body (described by the critics as literally traumatic) was so quick (enough to shut your eyes) and in the dark. I also argue that particular moment is extremely important for Arvin’s journey, because it’s the moment he truly turns on his father and turns on religion entirely, and he carries it with him his whole life (it’s what he flashes back to when he says “I know what my daddy did” because it’s the marker of all Willard’s mistakes) and it winds up being one of the last things he does before he leaves everything behind. Burying Jack’s bones. So, like, I despise dog death or any animal death in my entertainment, but it’s important here and handled well. And all the worst death scenes are either extremely fast (Helen’s and Gary Matthew’s) or shown in negative (all the photos). I think Bodecker’s headshot with Bobo is probably the worst and is also pretty quick. I don’t know if this means I’m a jaded bitch, but God the way they were all whining and crying, I thought it’d be a million times worse. It could have been, with the book’s descriptions, so it was actually pretty tame. Lenora’s death affected me the most and they cut away from that, too. I guess it’ll still bother some people, but there are many, many mainstream things that are far more violent and gory than this was.

-I thought it was a beautiful movie. I never mind films that are slightly slower but I love ones that use their time to lay things out and really show us what’s going on, build the ambiance and the relationships. I loved the narration (which I was worried about), and it really made me feel like we were visiting a moment in time that was important. Like something that was written and should be learned about. Rumors in a town you’re passing through. The ghosts of past trauma and transgressions looming over everyone that’s left.

-I liked the changes they made with Roy and Theodore because I thought that storyline kinda meandered in the book and I’m glad that Roy was actually gone the whole time and not just neglecting to come back to Lenora.

-The only real complaints I can make, I’ll get out of the way here: I wanted a little bit more time with Carl and Sandy. Carl was really creepy, but he could have been much creepier. In the book he was the one looking at the pictures constantly, Not Sandy, and that really showed that he was the one with the sickness, the one pushing them forward and orchestrating it all. I thought they did well with showing how Sandy deteriorated in her efforts with him through the years, but I would have liked to see a bit more of their personal lives together and her fear of him and her genuine feelings about what they’re doing, because the book goes into that a lot more. I also wasn’t a fan of Lee finding the picture early and knowing some about what they were doing, because I liked how it was a surprise to him in the book and yet he still did all he could to cover it up. And lastly, in the book there’s a scene with Arvin after he kills Sandy and Carl where he’s in a motel and he takes like 18 showers because he can’t get the grime of what he’s done off of him, and he looks at the picture and has a nightmare about killing Sandy, and I really would have loved if they’d kept it in. It would have been another ‘acting’ moment for Tom, and it would have been nice for us to see his direct trauma and reaction to everything that’s piling on top of him.

-BUT that’s it. I loved pretty much every single other thing and decision that they made. The cinematography was TOP NOTCH. You could tell they filmed on 35mm film, you could see the grain, and it really, really added to it. Antonio Campos is a very skilled director and I trusted him at the helm of this story. Everything looked so authentic, all the sets and the costumes. The soundtrack and score were AMAZING and enhanced the film. Technically it was just perfect in every regard to me.

-Acting! Acting! God this was like...a massive testament to the casting department and the talent of these people. Everyone was on their A game. Bill Skarsgård has been on my radar since Castle Rock (which I recommend to everybody, both seasons) and he was so natural and great in this role. Haley Bennet was absolutely adorable as Charlotte, I loved her cute face and her sweet relationship with little Arvin. Riley Keough was so great as Sandy with the limited amount of time she had, and Jason Clarke is one of my favorites but he was unrecognizable in this as creepy ass Carl. Harry Melling was a far cry from Dudley Dursley and he did a great job with his screen time, too. Same with Mia Wasikowska, who didn’t have much to do (same as poor Helen in the book) but she was able to garner our sympathy anyway. Seb Stan was slimy and gross but he pulled it off so well. Eliza Scanlen has been one of my favorites since Sharp Objects (another one that’s brutal as hell but I recommend it, she’s so scary) and she was so, so great here. Robert Pattinson was ALRIGHT, everybody talks him up over this but he felt a little hammy to me and a little too over the top, but there’s no denying his talent.

-Now, the reason we’re all here. Tom. My God. As soon as it was over I just didn’t know what the hell to do, I didn’t even know how to....go on, lmfao. We all know he’s talented, that’s why we’re here, that’s why we love him, but his performance in this is just BEYOND all that. Beyond comprehension. The man is only 24 years old and he’s out here outacting people who have been in the industry for longer than he’s been alive. He is SHOCKINGLY good. I knew he’d be perfect for Arvin as soon as I read the book, but he just completely embodied this role in a way that I couldn’t have imagined. He doesn’t show up in the movie until about 45 minutes in (which doesn’t hurt it because of the strength of the leadup, Bill’s performance and the performance of little Arvin’s actor) but God, as soon as he’s there the whole thing comes to life in a way that it hadn’t before. Tom is literally just a shining light, and he draws your eye in every single scene he’s in, and when he’s not there you’re wondering when he’s gonna come back. Arvin, to me, is a very complex character—he has been inherently changed by how his father twisted religion in his childhood, how deeply he betrayed him by his behavior, but he still has a kind heart and a protective streak and the need to be strong despite the pain nearly breaking him apart from moment to moment. Tom is just outrageously good at portraying all Arvin’s little nuances, how he clenches his jaw, how his voice breaks when he’s afraid or trying to convince someone of something or get his point across, how his hands tremble after he’s done something he wishes he didn’t have to do, how his whole body wilts when he realizes he’s emulating his father. And his eyes. Tom can do so, so much with his eyes that it’s unbelievable. He tells you so much with just a simple look, a glance, a wince, a long blink. I’m not exaggerating when I say he’s just an absolute revelation in this, he cements his place in Hollywood with a firm hand and a tender look, and I will not be forgetting what he did here anytime soon. There’s a reason that everyone called him out for being so stunning in this. He is magnificent. He has a gift.

-I wanna say, in particular, how much I love Arvin’s relationship with Lenora. Their lives were both marked by such tragedy and pain and Arvin just took up the torch of protecting her from the moment he said hello as a child. He wants so badly to be tough, and he IS, but there’s just miles and miles of love in this boy’s heart, and it manifests itself for his family—for his uncle, for his grandma, but for Lenora in particular. I loved how he just showed up when she was being harassed and just ran in there without thinking, and it’s purely devastating that he was out taking care of her bullies while a worse predator was cornering her. The scene where she was sick wasn’t in the book but it was a beautiful addition. Tom sometimes wears this very open, unguarded, honest expression, and this is the only scene in which he shows it, and it really expresses the love between them and how much she means to him. Arvin didn’t find Lenora’s body in the book, but it was the right change for them to make. Tom was devastating here, and that pain and that moment truly fuel every second of his journey through the rest of the film. “My Lenora”. The saddest siblings. Both Eliza and Tom did so beautifully with this relationship and I hope they work together again.

-Favorite acting moments for Tom: when he’s in the car in the rain after beating up the bullies, when he’s in the church crowd and realizes Preston is insulting his Grandma (the way his face changes oh my GOD), when he finds Lenora, when the cop comes to tell him Lenora was pregnant (this is just....so damn good), when he was telling his uncle to look after his Grandma, THE ENTIRE CHURCH CONFRONTATION (the way he trembles when he’s trying to get his attention, how he speaks the whole time, how he slowly gathers his strength), when he thinks Sandy has shot him, the moment where he’s over Lee’s body and just....pleading with his eyes for him to listen and realize what he’s done. And the last scene, in the car, all the emphasis on his face....once again, he can do so, so much with a look, with his eyes. Someone called out the beautiful last shot in the film, and of course, it’s Arvin’s sleeping face. And it was so beautiful (and devastating, to think of him enlisting. Tom draws so much sympathy that you just want Arvin to have a normal life so badly. He deserves it, he does, but will he get it?)

-Last thing I’ll say, I really loved how, despite turning his back on religion, that God seems to be protecting Arvin the whole time. He’s terribly afraid confronting the preacher and that could have easily gone badly, especially when he tosses the book, but Arvin was somehow able to get a shot off and get the upper hand. And with Carl and Sandy, he senses something is off immediately once they pull off the road, and he would have absolutely been killed had Carl not switched out Sandy’s bullets for blanks. And in the confrontation with Lee, he once again shoots at the same time as him, shoots without looking, and manages to come out unscathed and on top. A few spoiler reviews pointed out that the last person that picks Arvin up is supposed to be a Jesus-like figure, almost like he’s finally been saved. It hurts that everyone around him that he loved is almost forsaken by God, but he himself is protected. It’s such a complicated commentary on religion throughout the entire piece, but it’s so interesting and engrossing.

So I’d recommend this movie to anyone that loves movies, loves Tom, can deal with a gritty story that takes its time laying out all the chess pieces. It is definitely heavy subject matter but it doesn’t go overboard with the horror as it easily could have. Yes, there are triggers to look for, but the critics hugely over exaggerated how awful it was. I can probably go get time stamps for certain things if people wanna ask me after reading this, but if you can get through a Tarantino film or any HBO drama, you can do this. And Tom’s performance is one for the ages and not one that deserves to be passed over or downplayed. It is beautiful and heart-wrenching—a magnificent turn that displays his monumental ability to reach out and guide you into any world he decides to make his own.

I loved The Devil All the Time.

[kncrowder88]

Voyager and Romance

So, the thing about Voyager and romance that sticks with me is they seem to do one couple really, or more accurately two characters, any real justice overall. And that is B’Elanna and Tom. While moments for that relationship may not be perfect that is rather realistic for relationships, as no relationship is perfect all the time so that is tolerable. This post though isn’t going to be about looking at that particular relationship though but primarily at other relationships. Largely because a discord server I am in was talking about Counterpoint and I realized why I both love the episode but also have weird feelings with it. Which, I’ll touch more on that specifically after I discuss the relationship stuff (as that plays a part).

So, I will preface this with it has been a bit since I’ve done a binge of Voyager and really a full binge of Star Trek in general. As such, I may forget a few relationships on the show and overall, throughout Trek in general. From what I can really toss together … I honestly am beginning to believe that when it comes to Voyager and the other shows (the older ones not the new ones – I am not including any NEW Trek in this) that for some reason the relationship writing with Voyager was rather different. Like, they gave 3 characters active relationships prior to being stranded. That being Harry Kim, Kathryn Janeway, and Tuvok. Out of these three we get Janeway and Tuvok holding onto those relationships in their own way while … it seemed mildly convenient for Harry to mention it when it suited him, I guess (like that time Tom wanted to set them up for a double date or you know when he ended up in that alternate timeline but still wanted back with Voyager even more like). Like, the reason I don’t list Tuvok-T’Pel above is because we don’t actually get to SEE that in full, we just get to see Tuvok’s side of it and his dedication – we don’t see the relationship, we don’t see the couple.

Harry and Tom, prior to his relationship with B’Elanna, seem to frequently do this sort of two bros dating around thing which is fine but like … same time the show used them for that. And once they settled Tom with B’Elanna they used Harry in those plot lines when it worked. Thus the alien STD episode and the “how dare you not get the standard permission from your CO and CMO” line (like they really put that into a Trek ep and I’m still unable to not picture Riker, Kirk, Picard, and everyone other Trek character constantly getting permission for their latest romance – just remember Jadzia and Worf likely had to get permission from Sisko and Bashir if the Trill and Klingon weren’t already approved of in the system just saying, that’s a thing that happened). Anyways … my point is they went out of their way on this. Like, when Kes was with Neelix they wrote Neelix to be that jealous judgmental boyfriend who literally got upset she knew where other people’s quarters where, she was nice to Tom, she was … just yeah. They wrote Tom to come off as a player pulling Harry into it, when Tom settled down Harry seems to pick that up (I mean you got his “omg Seven” phase and the alien STD stuff and lord knows what else I’m forgetting with him).

And to top this off I haven’t even touched on the “Janeway can’t have a romance” stuff yet. Which is where my real problem is. Like, its bad enough they brought in Jeri for the sex appeal (which lets be honest stems from the fact they couldn’t use Janeway for that – which I get, Kate was right in the whole concept of the audience target having to keep respect for a female lead and sex appeal couldn’t be a focal point but they could have balanced it right and regrettably because they couldn’t that meant Jeri got all of the other side of the coin). Many of Seven’s eps center on romance or social stuff and honestly that is a whole other WTF post in its own right because it all leads up to the sudden get with the one person on the ship who didn’t want you here in the first place and who also would have served better as the male adult guidance figure/father figure than as a ROMANTIC partner but hey BS happened behind scenes to cause that chaotic romantic on screen set up. But yeah … this is just another example of the poor Voyager romantic plot lines.

Chakotay’s romantic plot lines are usually – and by that, I mean pretty much always – with these strong independent women. But usually, at least from what I recall, they are also typically the “needs help” (damsel in distress/can’t do it alone/etc.) plot. Like, Riley was strong independent but also set up to need help in regard to getting her little collective put back together on the planet. You got Kellin, again another strong lady who yet again also needed help. At least in the ep she’s in and if I recall much of the info on how they fell in love during that time as well – primarily with getting away from danger at the start and then during the initial romance finding her target. Valerie is the only one who doesn’t fall into the needs help plot and that’s largely because she was being manipulated by Chakotay for information – which honestly just goes to show how well Chakotay was at the whole undercover stuff (which tells us a lot about what he could have been doing as a Maquis). Seska was the plot point of “you once dated her, now she is going to badger you to get with her again and when that fails, she’s going to assault you” …. like all of Chakotay’s romances are literally him either 1) being manipulated (as that’s what Seska and Riley did) or 2) being the kind guy or 3) not an actual relationship (either because its undercover work or because the writers were too cowardly to make him and Janeway canon).

Then you got Janeway. Then you got KATHRYN JANEWAY. You know, the one where Kate Mulgrew said no romance, no sexualizing, no doing that sort of stuff because the audience had to maintain respect for the character. I’m sure someone has the exact various quotes out there. Like … this is why we don’t have JC as canon. But what we do got instead is …. Janeway in Prime Factors being flirted with by the administrator as if that’s going to get him what he wants because “female leader means flirt with her”. We got Janeway and a period drama holodeck adventure in the early years which was clearly meant to be her romantic tête-à-tête early on that never got followed up with. We got “delete the wife” with the Fair Haven plot point (because its totally respectable to see the FEMALE LEAD, the STARFLEET CAPTAIN, just straight up DELETE THE WIFE of another individual - yeah, I get its meant to be humor factor because hologram but come on). You have her whole thing with Mark which we get tidbits off but again similar to Tuvok we literally only get to see her side of it – the only couple moment of theirs we get is the comm call in Caretaker.

But Jaffen? You are correct. We got that lovely and touching and wonderful romance with Jaffen …. Oh wait … they had to remove her from the ship, strip her of her memory, and her autonomy in order for her to have a relationship with another individual. And yes, by losing her memories, by losing what made her who she was as a person, she did lose a sense of autonomy. She entered into a relationship without a full sense of independent choice. The point in which she made a choice in that episode, the point in which she – Kathryn Janeway – made a choice with all of the person, the individual she is, was at the end when she had her memories back and could decide based on the values and beliefs and all that she is. What I’m getting at is the people on that planet deliberately took away who she was, they took her memories and her ability to make the decisions they knew she would make --- they did that deliberately (that’s even established in the episode) --- and as such her decisions while in that state are not truly her full independent decisions but the ones impacted by the state she was forced into.

And while I love Resolutions, while I love all the JC goodies, we get in that ep … Yet again the only time we get to see Janeway in any sort of romantic situation is when they remove her from the ship. When they remove her from command. When they strip her of that setting. This time, though – well the first time – she keeps awareness and has to go through lose of it all in order to even start to let it all happen. I love the episode, I do, but I just find it rather amusing they went “’Hey we gotta strand them what should their tasks be on the planet?” and they immediately went “Well Janeway is scientist how about that” “Okay and he can build, Chakotay can start building. Man builds house, right?” and then like went “oh and then she can start a garden” …. Like really? Really? That’s what you got for me. Oh, and then there is the monkey. That’s the romance this ep. Boat, science, monkey.

Then we got Kashyk. We have dealt with Kathryn throughout this series dealing with various leaders of various styles. As mentioned, Prime Factors guy attempted flirting. Other leaders pulled similar or worse or even dismissed her …. Like the list goes on. Counterpoint is a great episode because it deals with prejudice and is rather dark. The thing is, had Janeway been able to have a healthy romantic relationship on screen to counter this episode this episode probably would have come off better. Episodes like Prime Factor could have been done different (that leader didn’t need to be as flirty for example). One or two eps through the series having creepy dudes she had to deal with, fine, whatever … that be a nice impact for the audience. But when you have to many prior to Counterpoint – even if its minor, small stuff – it makes this episode so much harder for fans. Especially the female fans who deal with this constantly.

See, here’s the thing with this ep…. Some of the fans who watch … we know Kashyk well. We know that character. He is that male leader, that male power figure, who uses the power he has to manipulate those in his control to get what he wants. And Kathryn … Kathryn was in his control. Kashyk is listed as a relationship on memory-alpha. But much like how I view Seska with Chakotay … I do not view Kashyk as a proper relationship. In Devore space, Kathryn did not have proper power. She had people in her command, on her ship, that she had to protect. That she knew she had to protect. Her own best friend … lives in her hand … and Kashyk right there willing to kill them. Willing to snatch them up and destroy them. And he used that power to manipulate her and play her. Yes, she played him right back but … did she truly have a choice? Did she have any other choice but to play his game? What would have happened if she said no? And that … that is why this episode is so unsettling for some people. And why this relationship being considered on is so off putting … that the writers, that memory-alpha, that the fact I’m putting it on this list as one of the ones on here for Voyager says so much … they wrote this as one of her relationships while out there … she had to do what so many women had to do to stay safe, to keep people she loves safe, and that’s not a relationship.

Voyager could have done romance/relationships such better justice.

[ambitionsource]

did you guys ever have voice casts for the characters? like people/singers you think the characters would sound like n all that? if so would you mind sharing them?

This is such an interesting question... admittedly, Es and I hadn’t really thought about it! We especially just think about the actual actors for those who already sing, but we can provide a couple other samples for each person if it intrigues you to know! Let’s see...

FARKLE | Corey actually does sing -- though not often in this version of reality -- but I do believe he has some professional training. We think of this song he’s recorded in particular, which I think is a really good example of how he sounds circa S1 in my head (this song is actually a bop. The YT version cuts out like 20 seconds too early but I found a version on Tumblr last year that was full so now I have it on my phone LMAO let’s go 2015 Corey). Anyway, it’s that pretty stereotypical power tenor vibe. A couple more comparisons I suggest are:

Jonathan Groff -- I think Jonathan Groff is the best comparison I can make. He’s theatrical, he has a pretty impressive range, but he rests pretty comfortably in the natural tenor range. Like he can do Kristoff one minute and King George from Hamilton the next, and I think that is equitable to Farkle’s range. The man key is that he’s a powerful vocalist. I think Farkle’s true center of his voice has a higher resting place than Groff, but it’s close enough. Example track: Bohemian Rhapsody. One of Glee’s best and an amazing display of Groff’s vocal range in one track. Farkle could match this beat for beat, flair for flair.

Chris Colfer -- I think that the flair Chris Colfer brings to a lot of his performances on Glee match well to Farkle’s vocal stylings as well (which is why he’s done a few performances with that version), but to be clear, I think Colfer’s voice is softer / higher than Farkle’s. It’s more about... emotion and inflection here than tone. Example track: Not the Boy Next Door. Farkle did this on the show, so you know we endorse it. This was also the track Esther brought up when I asked for her opinion.

Brendon Urie -- I think that Urie’s range is really akin to Farkle’s. I don’t think Farkle has at all the same kind of flair or inflection that Urie does (and Farkle is obviously more Broadway than radio), but on certain tracks I think it’s pretty cross applicable. Example track: Dying In LA

I’ll continue this under a read more to spare everyone who doesn’t want to read on because clearly this will be lengthy LOL.

RILEY | I have not heard Rowan sing since the thinly attached source material theme song days, so I honestly don’t think of her much as Riley’s voice (though I think she could do it if trained for it). Especially because of all the mains, Riley is one of the ones who is meant to be less trained and unimposing. For me, the most important quality to Riley’s voice is that it’s not overwhelming. It’s beautiful, and leaves an impact when you listen, but it’s never going to be Maya or Zay’s big, brassy vocals. And that’s fine. That’s what makes it unique in the landscape of the show (and why it appeals to Lucas rather than turns him away). A couple more comparisons I suggest are:

Amanda Seyfried -- I admittedly only know Seyfried’s work in the first Mamma Mia film, but she has the right delicate soprano that I envision Riley having. It’s like... a lilting, soft thing that’s enjoyable to listen to but can escalate into strong belting if needed and handle it effectively enough. Example track: Thank You For Music. Literally a perfect track for Riles.

Phillipa Soo -- Another great example of a powerful soprano player. Case in point enough that we’ve had Riley do a Eliza Hamilton song on the show already. Gentle and gorgeous, but sharp and intense when it needs to be. Example track: Burn.

mxmtoon -- First of all, let this be my plug that everyone should listen to mxmtoon. I love her. She has this lovely gentle voice and her instrumentation is so good. Her EP dusk is gorgeous and I cannot recommend it enough. But she is a great non-theater example of what I think Riley’s voice is like. She varies between ukulele and piano, and everything is just really understated and nice. Example track: show and tell.

MAYA | This is easy. I literally don’t have to say like anything. She just is Sab. That’s it. Like Sab is a phenomenal vocalist and she’s brassy and bold and has range and that’s all Maya is. Like literally that’s it LOL. If you need examples, hit her discography, but I’ll specifically highlight “Sue Me,” “Looking At Me,” and “Diamonds Are Forever” aka the Sab songs we’ve had her do on the show.

ZAY | Zay is an interesting one, because I don’t really think he fits any specific category in my head. He kind of defies definition. He definitely has a brassy swing to him that allows him to pull off showstopping numbers (like his Kossal audition with “Ain’t No Way”), but he can pull it back and reshape it to fit breathtaking musical theater renditions (like “Music and the Mirror”) or banging contemporary (think “Consideration” or “Self Control”) in a way that I don’t think Farkle or Maya can. He is the most vocally versatile of the bunch, and that makes his comparisons sort of wide-reaching as well. I’m not really familiar with Amir’s vocal ability outside of rap (so at least we know he can do that), but based purely on what I hear in my imagination, a few comparisons:

Leslie Odom Jr. -- A younger and less polished Odom, to be clear, but this is a big one for me. I think Odom’s vocal strength and range is so impressive, and what really strikes me is how... grounded and resonant his voice is. That’s a big thing for Zay for me -- you never doubt he’ll be able to support his vocals and that they’re strongly rooted. If he ever cracked or ran out of breath, it would be a shock. This is also really tied to Zay because of how much I would kill to see him perform “Wait For It” and how I feel like it’s such a Zay song. But anywho... Example track: Wait For It.

Frank Ocean -- Ocean has such a cool interesting range and does a lot of things with his performances vocally, so that’s why he’s on here in that he also defies definition. I think Zay also considers Ocean a musical inspiration, so it makes sense that he would adopt or emulate some of his style. I feel like he also translates emotion well, which is a key Zay trait too. Example track: Godspeed.

Amber Riley -- Now hear me out here. Obviously, Zay is a baritone and Amber is like a mezzo soprano / alto / what have you, but the reason I’m listing this Glee legend as a comp is because the quality of her performances is so sharp. It’s like, any time Amber performed on the show it was jawdropping. Her vocal runs are insane, the power behind her vocals is awe-inspiring. She captivates you from the first note, and that is why I always think of Zay. That’s how it is when he performs too, especially in moments where he’s trying to sell it (like his Kossal audition). I wouldn’t be giving my authentic comparisons if I didn’t mention this. So there. Example track: And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going (I would sell my soul to see Zay perform this. Please. PLEASE. Maybe I’ll crowdsource with Charlie and we’ll both sell our kidneys).

CHARLIE | Speaking of Charlie, he’s an interesting one, too. I honestly didn’t really... have a concept of how he sounded in my head, but then when I learned that Tanner sings, it was not at all whatever was deep in my head. But I love his voice, so I think I kind of ended up reconfiguring my perception of what Charlie sounds like around that revelation and now I’m still kind of trying to figure out exactly what that sounds like in the context of the show. The thing is, though, I think Charlie also doesn’t really know what his style is (LMAO), so it’s okay that we’re experimenting a little bit. Like in S1, the few times he sang, it was all over the place but mainly radio. Then in S2, he did predominantly musical theater duets. And now in S3, we’ve really just gone all over the map (from punk-rock opera with “Superstar” to bubblegum pop with “Party For One”) and there’s a lot of fun in that. Where Charlie will land, I don’t know yet, but I will share with you all Tanner’s only recorded song at this point and you all can start to orient yourselves from there. But a few other ideas to get the ball rolling:

Norbert Leo Butz -- Now here’s the thing... Charlie doesn’t sound like this LOL. The reason I’m including Butz is because I started writing about Jeremy Jordan and his rendition of “If I Didn’t Believe In You” and Jordan’s rendition is truly just so inferior that I realized no, I really don’t think Charlie sounds like Jeremy Jordan. So then I ended up here, and you know what, here’s the thing. I think an older Charlie would sound like Norbert Leo Butz. Like, give him 10 or so years, and this is where he’ll settle. To a degree at least -- I don’t think he’ll ever go quite as brassy or bold as Butz can lean sometimes, but the way he like... emotes through his vocals feels extremely Charlie, and the range is about right in terms of voice part. Anyway, give him 10 years, and then get to the point with this amazing example track that is one of my favorite musical theater tracks ever even though I hate the character who sings it. Example track: If I Didn’t Believe In You.

Oshima Brothers -- The shape of the O bros vocals don’t quite match how I hear Charlie in my head (they’re a bit too flat), but the essence of their performances resonate with him very strongly. It’s that gentle, soft-spoken acoustic vibe that I think is so core to Charlie’s performing delivery, which is part of why he’s so consistently overlooked even when he proves time and time again that he can bring compelling vocals (i.e. Haverford’s semi-finals setlist). Example track: Cadence.

Harry Styles -- It’s funny to think that if Charlie saw I was comparing him to Harry Styles he would lose his shit, but I want to be very specific about why and under what conditions I’m including him as a comparison (as he’ll show up on another person’s list too). I think Styles specifically works as a comp for Charlie in regards to the general tone and quality of his voice, in particular when it is on a softer acoustic (like “Cherry” or “Sweet Creature”) and when it’s more upbeat (like “Lights Up”). Like I’m not out here being like Charlie is as good as Harry Styles LOL, but I think the core qualities of their voices are similar. Especially when cross-compared with the other examples above along with Tanner’s actual voice. Example track: Sweet Creature.

ISADORA | Isadora is an anomaly of sorts, since she’s that character archetype where they never expected to be a singer but then ended up being talented anyway (Asher is in the same box). I tend to imagine her with a defined alto register, and a slightly huskier, gravelly tone as compared to Maya’s polished, trained vocals and Riley’s gentle, chime-like resonance. So it’s like... gritty, in a way? I have never heard Ceci sing, though I’ve been told she has once upon a time, but I am working basically from scratch in regards to how I imagine her. So without further ado, some comparisons I suggest:

Jorja Smith -- I think Jorja is the most Isa-like track we’ve had her do on the show thus far, to my brain at least. She has this charming edge to her vocals even when they’re on the softer side which is exactly what I envision for her, and I think there’s such a strong definition to when she jumps into her lower register. Whereas with Isa, I think it would be the same, but reaching into her upper notes would be even more of an audible stretch. Example track: Don’t Watch Me Cry.

Dua Lipa -- Another strong alto here, which automatically tracks Isadora for me. Dua especially has that husky quality I was describing. I would recommend all of her Live Acoustic EP to get a sense of what I’m highlighting most as a comparable, but it’s just that like... slight grit, gonna-kick-your-ass alto excellence. It’s so hard to articulate so I hope you get what I’m saying LOL. Example track: Tears Dry On Their Own Acoustic.

Madison Reyes -- I don’t know how many of y’all have watched Julie and the Phantoms yet, but it’s fun. And Madison has a great voice, which made her another good comp for Isadora. Same thing of like that unpolished but compelling belter, slightly gravelly quality. Example track: Wake Up.

LUCAS | Obviously, Lucas doesn’t sing all that often. And when we do give him songs, or roles in songs, most of the time it’s of a variation where he can more talk-sing the words than actually Sing. But he’s not totally exempt, so he deserves a comparison. For me, it’s like... the way Lucas would tell it it’s like he’s the worst singer ever in the history of the universe and you should never hear him, but honestly he’s like. Fine. He’s not great and he would never have gotten into the school for singing, but he’s not terrible. He’s passable. When he tries, it’s charming. I think the biggest key that makes him different from everyone else is he doesn’t have much of a range -- when I pick songs for him, I always try to go for ones that kind of stay within the same octave or register for the entirety so it’s almost like monotone singing, because that’s about what he can handle decently (his performance in 211 being an exception, of course, because it had to be). So, comparing accordingly:

Harry Styles -- I warned you he’d be back again, but this criteria is even more hyper-specific than Charlie. I think Styles is a great comp for Lucas in the very limited tracks where he is not showing off in any capacity and is really just keeping it stripped down and to the point (think “To Be So Lonely”). His cover of “Girl Crush” is another good example of what I mean. It’s basically like the same 4 or 5 notes and very little movement or flash, and his voice kind of takes on a grittier, flatter quality which is what I’m aiming for. Example track: From the Dining Table

That’s really it honestly. He doesn’t perform enough to warrant much else. You get the idea lmao.

ASHER | Although we didn’t expect it back in the days of S1, Asher has certainly jumped up to take spotlight in terms of performing in the last couple of seasons! Ricky (along with Liam) are actual singers and were together in a band for several years, so there’s no doubt they can sing and I think of their voices most often (in particular, I recommend the “Compass” music video, because it’s a good song and allows you to actively see which boy is singing what). But admittedly, Ricky’s handful of solo tracks since FIYM went on hiatus are average at best (and his lyricism... king you need Liam to write your lyrics LMAO), so I don’t usually jump to his music as examples of what I think he -- or Asher -- is actually capable of. So with Ricky’s good vocals as a base, here are some additional comparisons:

Ruel -- Cannot stress this one enough. There’s a reason Asher’s true initial debut was Ruel’s best track (”Younger”). He just has that perfect like... strong tenor with soft edges that feels very teenage twink and very Asher. It’s not quite Diva!Asher flair, but at Asher’s most base vocal style, I think Ruel is the perfect match. Example track: Down For You

Troye Sivan -- Same kind of traits here in terms of like smooth tenor, and in this case it actually is a certified twink singing so the crossover is even more apt. I don’t think Asher is as... electronic as Troye’s production often is, but the general range of his voice is close enough to be considered a match. Example track: 10/10

DYLAN | So same FIYM video shared in Asher’s applies here as well, but I think what works so well about Liam’s voice in regards to Dylan is that I think the key trait to Dylan is that he’s not flashy. When I think about Liam’s voice (and I love his voice, he’s my favorite FIYM member), I often think about when Sue on Glee called Quinn’s voice a “soft, forgettable alto,” but only it’s a tenor and I mean it in a nice way. The most endeared way. Dylan is less about being impressive and more about just like... character. His voice is not the best in the bunch but you can feel how him all of his performances are through his inflections and his energy. That’s what Dylan vocally feels like to me. So aside from his soft, forgettable tenor on the second verse of “Compass,” here’s a couple other niche comparisons for Dyl Pickle:

Princeton in Avenue Q -- Whenever “Purpose” comes on shuffle, I think about Dylan because of how distinct and energetic the delivery of the song is. There’s just so many little quirks and inflections and moments of fun within the vocals, and that reminds me so much of how Dylan performs. Little laughs, free-wheeling runs, stuff like that. Example track: Purpose.

Graham Verchere -- This dude like isn’t even actually a singer and he isn’t that big an actor, but I love love love his rendition of “Thirteen” with Grace VanderWaal and every time I listen to it I think about Dylan and Asher. It captures the other end of Dylan’s range for me (the soft, forgettable tenor thing) in the sense of like... imagining Dylan plucking out songs for fun on his guitar while hanging out with Asher and then playfully serenading him and the two of them doing a carefree, easy duet like this. I just love it. So I’ll include it. Example track: Thirteen.

[alj4890]

Misfortune's Intentions

(Liam x OC*Elisse Millan) (Drake x Riley) in a Choices The Royal Heir fan fiction

A/N We've jumped ahead in this chapter by nearly a month. Liam is returning home after the road trip and Walker family visit for Savannah's wedding. He now has to figure out how to keep moving on now that Drake and Riley are pregnant. Amalas makes a decision that keeps Elisse right where she wants her to be.

@gkittylove99 @krsnlove @kingliam2019 @texaskitten30 @hopefulmoonobject @yourmajesty09 @mom2000aggie

Masterlist

Chapter 2 Confirmation

Liam gave orders to the staff to take his bags upstairs on the way to his study.

The past few weeks spent exclusively with his friends, trapped in a rental car and small farmhouse, had exhausted him. He longed to go up to his room for a moment of solitude. No thoughts. No conversations. No reliving that moment.

He closed his eyes as he sat down behind his desk. Unbidden and unwanted, his mind brought the image of Drake and Riley to mind.

"We have something we need to tell you." Drake said once Liam, Hana, and Maxwell sat down.

"Is something wrong?" Hana asked.

Riley shook her head, unshed tears formed as Drake cuddled her closer in his arms.

The couple locked eyes before taking a deep breath.

"We're pregnant!" They shouted.

Maxwell whooped and jumped up to hug them both. Hana followed, exclaiming how happy she was.

Thankfully no one noticed the only person in the room who remained sitting down.

No, Liam thought. He wasn't sure why that denial whispered through his mind. He only knew he didn't want to hear this. See it. Be forced to witness every moment.

He made himself stand to congratulate them. Somehow the words came.

"I'm thrilled for you both." He even managed to smile. "This is the best kind of news."

"Oh! Let's go shopping for the baby to celebrate!" Hana exclaimed.

Everyone else agreed, making their way out the door. Hana paused, glancing back at Liam.

"Aren't you coming?" She asked.

"Of course." He shook himself out of his daze. "I need to retrieve something from upstairs."

She smiled at him. "Hurry."

As soon as the screen door shut, he allowed his smile to disappear. His steps were heavy as he climbed up the stairs.

He hesitated as he walked past the bedroom Drake and Riley had been using since their arrival at the Walker ranch.

The walls were thin. Too thin. He heard everything at night as he tried to sleep in the other bedroom.

There were many nights that he had to leave the house and take a walk just to escape hearing them express and demonstrate their love to one another.

If they had not gotten pregnant after all that, then they never would, he thought.

The moment he parted from them outside the palace, he felt the stress of keeping his feelings buried disappear. He was able to breathe again. Frown if he wanted to without anyone asking what was wrong. Remain silent for the next few weeks if he was so inclined.

He could focus again what was most important: running his kingdom.

Even if it is for someone else's child.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. Irritation rose within him that he even had that type of thought. He had chosen this himself. No one forced him to. Why was he now experiencing bitterness when he should be rejoicing? His best friends had done what he had asked. They were pregnant with the royal heir.

What more could I possibly ask for?

"Liam? I hope I'm not interrupting."

He stood up with a tired smile. "Not at all. How were things while I was away?"

Regina eyed him for a moment. "Everything went well. We had requests from a few of the visiting monarchs to rent some of the vacant manors outside the capital."

"Oh? Hoping to use proximity to sway Drake and Riley's decision, I take it."

"Indeed." She sat down across from him. "I gave them permission to do so." A slight smile touched her lips. "If nothing else, we will have nearly a year's worth of rent from these people."

Liam chuckled. "True."

Her expression became serious once more. "Liam, dear..."

He cocked an eyebrow when she didn't continue.

"As difficult as this must be, we will need Drake and Riley to be here for a press conference as soon as possible." She averted her eyes when she saw the brief flash of anguish on his face. "The country has been anxiously awaiting for an announcement."

"I see." He rubbed a hand down his face. "I will let them know." He cleared his throat deciding to change the subject. "Which monarchs are staying in Cordonia?"

"Many, like the King and Queen of Auvernal   are dividing their time between here and their kingdoms." She explained. "The only one needing use of a manor for the entire pregnancy is Queen Amalas."

"Really?" Liam's brow furrowed. "That’s strange. She doesn't strike me as the kind of ruler to leave her duties for so long."

"You're right. That's why she intends for her cousin, Viscountess Millan, to be here the entire time and act as her proxy when she is back in Monterisso."

Liam straightened in his chair. "Lady Elisse is moving here?"

"According to Queen Amalas." Regina replied. "As soon as she is back from America, she will be settling at Cranborne Manor."

"She's in America?" He wondered why she would be there. He knew Amalas had surprised Riley and the other ladies at Savannah's bachelorette party. Her brief visit had struck them all as odd.

Was Elisse following us? Is that how Amalas knew where we were?

"Yes, she is. Boston, I think is where the queen said Lady Elisse was going. How was the wedding?" Regina' s voice cut through his thoughts. "The papers here have spent weeks documenting every little thing." She grimaced slightly. "They are eating it up that the Walker siblings made such advantageous marriages."

That's how Amalas knew where to find us. She had seen it in the news.

Liam relaxed some at that mystery being solved.

"Liam?"

"Forgive me." He apologized. "I think the jet lag is causing me to zone out."

"Then you need to go upstairs and rest."

"But I--"

"No arguments." She took his arm and tugged him toward the door. "There is nothing on that desk that demands your immediate attention."

He looked down at her with an affectionate smile on his lips. Once at the main stairs, she released him. Liam surprised her with a hug and kiss to her cheek.

"Thank you." He said softly. "For commanding me to do so."

She gently patted his cheek. "Anytime, dear."

*****************

Monterisso's Royal Palace...

"Don't go, Lisse." Josip rubbed his eyes before launching himself into Elisse's arms.

"I'll be back." Elisse promised, hugging him tight. "And you can come visit me when Mommy comes." She tilted his little cherub face up. "We'll have new places to play." She dropped her voice to a whisper. "And all the cupcakes we want. Your mommy will never know."

"I heard that." Amalas yelled out from Elisse's closet.

Josip giggled at his mother's tone.

"What are you looking for?" Elisse yelled back.

"That black ballgown of yours." Amalas stepped out with hands on her hips. "The one that caused Lord Ashton to trip and land in the punch bowl."

Elisse rolled her eyes. "It wasn't the dress that caused that. It was his vanity in not wanting to be seen wearing glasses."

"I think it was the dress." She returned to her search. A triumphant yell sounded after a few more minutes.

"You're packing this and wearing it." Amalas said in her queenly tone. "That is a direct order, by the way."

"Hmm." Elisse picked up the little prince. "What do you think? Should I mind mommy?"

"Yes!" He replied with another giggle.

"See." Amalas smiled, "even the prince agrees."

"Very well." Elisse set him down. "I can't fight you both."

"I want you to wear it at the next ball Liam hosts." Her cousin instructed.

"Amalas." Elisse drew out the syllables. "Stop."

"Why? You’re clearly attracted to him."

"You know why." Elisse snapped. "I can't--"

"He's already taken care of that!" Amalas argued. "You could be with him without any pressure."

Elisse zipped her suitcase. "I'm going to Cordonia to represent you, not to romance Liam."

Amalas folded her arms. "If you change your mind, know that I would be thrilled both as your cousin and queen for you to be with him."

The viscountess sighed. "I'm not going to actively pursue him."

Elisse couldn't help but think of that moment in Valtoria's ballroom when he asked her to dance. The way it felt to be in his arms. Talking to him.

A smile appeared as she faced Amalas. "But I won't say no if he decides to pursue me."

****************

The Royal Gardens, Cordonia, a week later...

"Drake and I are so excited." Riley told reporters. "I can't wait to meet our son or daughter."

Cameras flashed as she continued to answer questions.

Liam stood off to the side with a well practiced expression of delight on his face. His eyes swept over the crowd of nobles and members of the press.

He paused when he saw Elisse.

As if sensing she was being watched, she began to turn her head from side to side.

Their eyes met. She sent a smile his way, causing his own to respond.

With a tilt of his head toward the back of the crowd, he made his way over as she did the same.

"Welcome back to Cordonia." Liam kept his voice to barely above a whisper.

"Thank you." She replied. "I am glad to be here again."

"How do you find Cranborne Manor?"

"It's beautiful." Elisse responded. "I love being right on the ocean." She glanced over at the press conference still going. "I slept with my window open last night so I could hear the waves hitting the shore."

"I haven't been to Cranborne in years." Liam slipped his hands in his pockets, relaxing his kingly stance.

"Oh?" She lowered her eyes. "You are more than welcome to stop by and see it."

Liam grinned and also looked away. "I might just take you up on that offer."

She peeked at him from beneath her lashes. "I had thought of taking advantage of the perfect weather and spending a day on the beach tomorrow."

"That sounds nice." He lifted his eyes to hers.

"It's a shame I don't know too many people in Cordonia." She clasped her hands behind her back. "I wouldn't mind some company." Her lips curved slightly. "I might even be willing to pack a picnic."

"Might be willing?" His smile turned a touch flirty. "And what should one expect from a picnic you pack?"

She bit her lip, turning slightly away. "Mostly items that no one deems healthy." Her eyes cut to him. "Everything that tastes good and probably wouldn't appear at a formal court dinner."

He shifted closer to her. "That does sound tempting."

Liam cleared his throat. "Hypothetically speaking, what time would you go out to the beach?"

"Around noon." Elisse couldn't control her smile. "Hypothetically speaking of course."

"Of course."

The crowd began to disperse. Members of the press were packing up their equipment while nobles mingled at the garden party.

"Looks like we better catch up."

Liam wondered if he was imagining the faint note of reluctance in her voice.

He offered his arm to her. "Shall we, m'lady?"

She slipped her hand into the bend of his arm. "Thank you, your majesty."

****************

"Who is that with Liam?" Riley asked.

Maxwell craned his neck to see who she was talking about.

"Hmm. Not sure but I think I've seen her before." He muttered.

"That's Queen Amalas's cousin." Hana said once she caught a glimpse. "From what Madeleine said, she will be remaining here to act as proxy for Monterisso's monarch."

"Liam said he would spend time with her to see if the Spy Queen has any hidden motives." Drake added. His eyes narrowed somewhat at Elisse's ability to hold Liam's attention. "I don't trust her."

The group of friends watched silently as Liam made her laugh on their way to join a group of other visiting foreign nobles.

Overhearing Drake's opinion, Olivia stepped up beside Hana.

"Monterisso has been a country that keeps mostly to itself." Her sharp green eyes remained on the viscountess. "I can't recall the last time any representative from their country visited Cordonia."

"Perhaps it is time to flip the tables on them." Maxwell suggested. "Spy on the spies."

"Isn't that what Liam is doing?" Riley asked. Worry for her friend began to appear on her face. "Do you think he is safe with her?"

"Liam can take care of himself." Hana replied. Her own worry reflected in her eyes. "But I'm worried she will use him in other ways."

"Maybe we should talk to him." Riley slipped her arm around Drake. "What do you think?"

Drake's lips parted, hesitating on whether or not they should interfere. "We'll play it by ear for now. Until we see Liam acting differently, we need to stay out of his way as he tries to gain information."

*******************

The next day, Cranborne Manor's private beach...

"You look much more relaxed today."

"I am. I didn't realize how much I needed a break from everyone."

Elisse chuckled before standing up. "Everyone? I suppose that's my cue to leave."

Liam scrambled upright to snag her hand in order to stop her.

With a laugh, she dodged it and ran off toward the water.

His smile came unbidden as he chased after her.

What am I doing?

That thought caused him to falter once he was waist deep in the ocean.

Elisse popped up out of the water, beside him.

"Is something wrong?" She asked once she pushed her damp clumps of hair out of her eyes.

Liam's gaze drifted over her. The wet, coffee colored hair. Bronze skin glistening with suntan oil and drops of water. Lips that were usually turned up in a warm smile were now in a thin, concerned line. Deep brown eyes that reminded him of dark chocolate. The black bathing suit that highlighted her beauty. He took it all in within a second or two.

I really am attracted to her.

He slowly shook his head. "Nothing's wrong, m'lady."

What am I to do now?

Her smile reappeared. "M'lady? I thought a certain king insisted that today we lose all titles."

He chuckled. "He sounds very intelligent."

"I certainly think he is." She reached for his hand. "Come on. There are a number of desserts in that picnic basket that I want to eat but also need an accomplice to finish them off."

"Should I be concerned with your sugar addiction?" Liam teased.

"Only when you find me eating sugar cubes without a pot of tea or coffee nearby." She teased back.

"I'll make certain to have the Royal guards take up sentry duty by the palace pantry."

"That will cause me to have to smuggle sweet treats into your country." She shook her head sadly. "What would the punishment be for such actions?"

"The most severe one we have." His tone playfully turned sinister. "You will have to watch Cordonia's ruler eating it all in front of you without offering you a single bite."

She gasped dramatically, placing a hand over her heart. "I never knew how brutal you could be."

"One has to be with smugglers like you." He winked at her as he helped her unpack the rest of goodies she had brought.

She laughed softly, her own body relaxing in the warm sun and his company.

"I'm glad you took my hypothetical invitation and came by today."

Liam polished off the rest of a vanilla cream puff before responding. "I'm glad you offered it." His lips curved. "Hypothetically."

She opened another container filled with various chocolate covered fruits. Her teasing smile turned a touch serious. "This is my first time living somewhere other than Monterisso."

"It is?"

"Yes." She picked up a strawberry covered in white chocolate. She focused on the waves as she spoke. "I always knew there was a chance of marrying someone who lived in a different country. But, I never imagined living somewhere else alone."

Liam glanced back toward Cranborne. He knew her intimidating bodyguard was most likely watching over them. "You're not completely alone."

"You mean Felix?" She laughed softly. "True. It is hard to ignore his presence." She reclined back on her beach towel. "He's that older brother I always needed growing up."

"Keeps you out of trouble?"

"That and isn't afraid of letting me know when I do something he thinks is foolish." She closed her eyes. "He has stood by me during some difficult moments in my life."

Liam stretched out on his side after removing the picnic basket that sat between them. "It's nice to have a source of comfort."

"Yes, it is." She turned her head and met his steady blue gaze. "It seems you have quite a few that are that for you."

"Yes." Liam averted his eyes. "I suppose I do."

"Liam, may I ask you something personal?" She turned on her side facing him. "If you don't wish to answer, I won't pressure you."

"What is it you wished to ask?"

"Why did you decide to name an heir instead of marrying someone and producing your own?"

His silence made her wish she hadn't ruined this day with her curiosity. He probably despised her for the audacity of even thinking she could ask him something like that.

Though it felt like she had always known him from rereading his file every chance she got, he didn't know her.

Her lips parted to apologize and take back her question.

"I think..." Liam began. "I think I did it out of selfish reasons." He grimaced at voicing what he had hoped wasn't true about himself. "I needed a way to take some time from being pressured about my finding a queen for Cordonia." He lifted his eyes to hers. "And I've used the excuses that I secured the throne and gave an honor to my closest friends."

Liam searched her face for repulsion or disapproval.

He saw nothing but a hint of sadness and sympathy.

"It's horrible, isn't it?" He asked.

"No." She replied. "It's not. From what I know about you, you have been put in some very difficult spots these last few years. You unexpectedly being named the crown prince. Forced to choose a bride to become king. Trying to break away from such tradition. Terrorists." Elisse placed her hand on top of his and gently squeezed. "Who wouldn't want a moment to step back from all that had been asked of him?"

He turned his hand over so he could hold hers. "Thank you, Elisse."

She smiled at him. Her eyes drifted over his handsome face in contented silence.

"May I ask a personal question?"

She nodded. "Of course. It wouldn't be fair for me to be the only one allowed."

"Why didn't you take part in my social season?" Liam braced himself for her answer.

He did not expect the sight of tears forming in her eyes.

"You don't know?" Her voice cracked.

"No." He gently gripped her hand. "I'm sorry, I--"

"Your father didn't want me to take part after the results of his required health examination." Elisse closed her eyes, trying to keep from crying.

"Health examination?" Liam's brow furrowed. "Why would that have any importance?"

"Because you are a king who needs to have heirs for the throne." She said softly.

"Yes, but why would--" Realization came over Liam. "Elisse."

She nodded in a jerky manner.

He couldn't stand to see her so hurt. Ignoring the question his mind asked of why he was doing this, he gently pulled her into his arms.

She buried her face against his shoulder while she silently cried.

Liam closed his eyes, dropping his head against hers. He couldn't help but think how ironic it was. Here was a lady he might very well have realized was the one he should marry that his father kept from him. And yet, he was now a single king with no heir from his bloodline.

If Constantine was not already dead, this surely would have caused it.

Liam looked at Elisse's face when she slowly pulled away.

"I'm sorry." She bit her bottom lip. "I didn't mean to put a damper on our day at the beach.

"You didn't." He reassured her. A bittersweet smile curved his lips. "I had hoped to get to know you."

She delicately blew her nose. "I did too."

Liam tenderly cupped her cheek, drawing her attention back to him.

"Elisse?"

She lifted an eyebrow.

"I think," Liam hesistated. "I wish you had been allowed to come for that season."

She swallowed a touch nervously. "I wish I had too."

[themissingmarvel]

Kind Regards, Detective [Part 1]

(Prompt: I did it. I finally did it.This is one of many chapters. I started this a solid six months ago, or so, and struggled. But it’s based off “Prisoners (2013)” with Jake Gyllenhaal who I’m lowkey in love with. That said, having seen the movie is helpful but not life altering. Takes place present day, years after the case was solved. And seeing as Conyers is fictional [well, Conyers, Pennsylvania] I took liberties with where it’s located in Pennsylvania. Sue me. Just be glad I didn’t choose Scranton. I almost did.

And as someone with a forensic psychology background, I tried to keep it pretty on point which means it’s a little more boring than the movies make it out to be.)

Pairing: Detective Loki (David) x fbi!Reader

Word Count: 2.6k

Warnings: Language. Mentions of abuse.Brooding.

+++

Detective Loki wasn’t happy.

Well, he wasn’t usually a ray of sunshine, but today he really wasn’t happy.

An understatement, to be sure.

Detective Loki was filled with fury and a sort of passionate anger you could taste, if only he opened his mouth long enough to let it escape his lips.

But he didn’t.

Looking at him, standing in front of the whiteboard in the large conference room in the precinct, anyone would think him an average detective doing his work. The sleeves on his white button-down were clasped at his wrists, his shirt buttoned right up to the neck as it always was and without a tie. Unusual, but not strange in any way. Black pants hung off his hips, a black belt holding them up, his badge and gun strapped to him. His dark hair, as always, was slicked back and his icy eyes were focused.

He looked like an average detective. A gorgeous one, to be sure. He’d had his share of married women coming in for ‘noise complaints’ just to try and catch a glimpse of the man. And his heart, of course, that gentle space he pretended wasn’t so soft, had given him away. He was average as hell, save for the collection of tattoos he had gained in his troubled youth, at least. 

Everyone in the damn precinct knew he wasn’t. Average, that is.

“Detective Loki? Agent (Y/L/N) is here. Should I send her in?” The young officer had pulled the short straw, a rookie kid who had started a few months ago. David didn’t know him well, but he did know his name. He knew everyone’s name.

Blinking hard a few times he placed his hands on his hips, eyes staying focused on the whiteboard, “Don’t really have a choice do I, Anders?” It was rhetorical. He knew he didn’t have a choice and he was vaguely aware Officer Anders would be too nervous to answer.

A moment of silence lapsed before Detective Loki rubbed his face, “Send her in.”

The Captain had warned Loki about this days ago. The disappearances in Conyers, they had realized, were not just isolated to Conyers. They spanned into Noxen, Benton, White Haven, and even out to Catawissa. 

After ten disappearances were linked together from the different towns and cities, the Feds were finally called in.

“With all due respect, Captain, I can work this case on my own.” David’s voice had been collected at first as he stood in the Captain’s office, hands on his hips, eyes narrowed.

The Captain looked frustrated. He was, really. He’d been on the phone with five different precincts to coordinate information and speaking with the Feds on how to proceed. Everyone was pissed. No one ever wanted the Feds involved, “I get it, Detective, but orders are orders, you know that. And the Bureau wants us to let one of theirs in. I don’t get a say, and frankly neither do you.”

His voice raised now, “What about the Dover and Birch case? I got those sons of bitches on my own, the Feds didn’t even know about it until I caught them!” He was leaning forward.

O’Malley had gone from frustrated to pissed, “Just shut up for once and cooperate, OK? You work alone, I get it, but with the Black Rose case the Feds are involved and you’re gonna have to play nice. Or at least tolerable, understood?” 

Looking at the pallid yellow wall to the left of him, David kept his eyes narrowed, his mouth in a straight line. Unspeaking, he turned and walked out of the office. 

Fucking Feds.

Fucking Feds indeed. Footsteps, soft and light, were muffled still by the old, grey carpet with strange geometric patterns on it in the building as she walked towards the conference room. The case was already drilled into her head. Names. Dates. Locations. Buildings. Abduction theories. So far, Conyers had three of the ten abductions which was why they had sent (Y/N). 

Other precincts had also gotten federal agents, but Conyers was special. Detective Loki was special. That was part of the problem.

When she stepped in Loki didn’t even flinch, save for the sharp blinks as he stared at the board. There were faces, three in fact, two men and one woman, smiling brightly. Next to each was the location of abduction. How did they know?

“Kind regards to Detective Loki,” (Y/N) broke the silence as she walked to the circular table nearby, placing her stack of folders and black messenger bag down. She was, of course, reading off of the note left with the black rose at each location the abductions had taken place.

David turned, a reminder flashing in his head to play nice, reaching out to take the woman’s hand, “Detective Loki. You’re Agent Y/L/N, correct?” 

She was surprisingly stunning, he realized as he took her soft hand, stained lightly with blots of ink. Y/N looked softer than he expected, not like someone who’d ‘seen some shit’ in their day. He imagined on the street he’d have done a double take, subtly, if she walked by. He wanted so bad for her to be ghastly. Appalling. For her breath to smell and for her to sound whiny. He wanted a reason to be irked by her but so far all he found was that she was… lovely.

She smiled gently, “I am. Pleasure to meet you, Detective,” she took his hand firmly, shaking it, the tattoos not going unnoticed. Not much had, really. She knew about David. She’d asked for his file and his background. His cases solved. Any reports. And per her own curiosity, she had asked for a personal history on file. It had surprised her, just slightly, that he’d made his way from a delinquent boys’ home with dabbling in petty crimes in his youth to a top ranking detective. It wasn’t a common theme. But he was a good man, despite everything she read. He had taken the Dover and Birch case hard, forced to take a leave after it all settled. No follow-up evaluation was done in small towns like this. 

When Loki drew his hand back he kept his lips pursed into a thin line, turning back to the board, “So the feds wanted a shrink involved? Did they send a shrink to every location or just Conyers?” There was a hint of bitterness in his voice that didn’t go unnoticed by the woman standing in a simple grey sweater hanging loosely off her shoulders and a pair of blue jeans and black Converse shoes. Not exactly ‘shrink’ material, really. Not that one would notice. Except David. He liked it, though. He liked that she seemed to fit and that she wasn’t trying too hard. Or being blase about the whole thing. He liked that she wanted to talk about the case and not prod about how he was doing or how cold it was. She was his type.

Fuck.

She inhaled sharply. Yale didn’t prepare you for how to deal with cops in high-profile cases. The bureau had warned her that she’d be unwelcomed and especially given she was a profiler; she was the one with the psych background. Sure, she’d done her criminology bit, but she’d never used her weapon. Hell, she didn’t even keep it holstered on her person. But Detective Loki knew that. She was that type.

“Well, Detective, Conyers was where the first two abductions took place, though the third a couple weeks after. And as you well know, your name was personally left at all scenes. Of course, in the other cities Detectives Miller, Warren, Riley, and O’Toole were all named in their notes as well. I suspect that if we don’t get moving soon, more notes and more roses will come up. I’m here because this is where it started and profilers start at the beginning.” Her voice had stayed steady and cool as she watched him, her form and posture unmoving, his doing the same.

The world paused for just a moment as she eyed David. Detective Loki. Man hardened by the system who had saved the lives of many. Who had rescued a father trapped and left for dead. She saw the religious-themed tattoos, the juvie ones on his knuckles. She saw his clean cut hair, shaven face, shirt buttoned higher than most but with no tie to speak of. She liked that. He stood out without actually standing out. And god… he was hot. Ah, shit. No. Stay professional.

It was quiet as (Y/N) stepped up to the board, able to see that while half focused on Conyers, the other had the abduction sites and pictures as well as the detectives named. There appeared to be no pattern. Nothing as of yet. Just names. Detectives.

“May I be candid with you, Detective?” She stood next to him, arms crossed in front of her chest as she stared at the white board.

Almost confused, David glanced over, not making a comment about being informal, “Sure.”

She sighed heavily, closing her eyes a moment and composing herself before looking back up at the board, “I don’t think any of them are alive.” 

A look of anger fell over Detective Loki’s features, though perhaps not directed at Y/N as he turned to her completely, “How the fuck would you know that?” 

On some level, he knew it.

Hostile. Well, of course.

“I don’t think they lived long after being abducted, Detective. I don’t think any of them did. Why kidnap ten adults and just… keep them?” She looked over at him, aware she’d hit a nerve.

Loki was perturbed as he narrowed his eyes, “We didn’t find any evidence of a struggle at any of the scenes. No blood, nothing broken, all perfect. Why take people peacefully then kill them?” He was drawing on his many years of detective work, and (Y/N) knew that. He was bright and he was skilled. It was why he had been allowed to work as the lead. The other detectives named hadn’t been so lucky. They were all too involved. At least, they weren’t as good at hiding it as David was.

But she shrugged, “Ted Bundy got women to his car before they even knew what happened on a regular basis. So that’s why I’m here, I guess. Make it make sense.” Concern fell on her features, Loki watching as she reached up and took a picture of Frank Cohen. He was about forty, blonde hair styled well on his head. Went to temple regularly with his wife and kid. He was a banker at a local credit union and had no real ‘enemies’ to speak of. A neighbor who hated that he didn’t keep up his lawn. Wife’s friend who’d tried to flirt with him. He was average.

Placing the picture back up, she reached across Detective Loki who silently stepped back, watching as she took the second picture. Liana Lopez. Dark hair hanging by her shoulders, early thirties, Hispanic, Catholic, didn’t attend services save for bigger occasions. Left behind a husband who was cooperative, a man who had relied on his wife for work as he’d recently been injured working construction. 

That one went back up and she looked at the third without taking it down. Another caucasian man, this one only twenty-five, recently married to his husband. That one had first been the first and thought to be a hate crime, potentially, but with the rose and the note, and then the others, that had been ruled out. None of it made sense.

There was no discernable pattern, and it really pissed off both of them.

“This guy isn’t Ted Bundy. He’s worse than a psychopath,” Loki almost snarled out the words. In truth, he was aware that the individuals taken likely weren’t alive. What had frustrated all the precincts was where, then, they had gone. Why go through the effort of abducting people quietly, but leave a message behind to tell the world what happened? 

Kind regards.

Chewing on her bottom lip, Y/N squinted before looking at the scenes, “The words are very… well, they’re formal, but they aren’t sweet. They’re taunting, but you knew that already.” She stood, walking to the corkboard again and squinting as she eyed the abduction sites. 

Well, presumed abduction sites. Why leave these anywhere else? No other places in the surrounding areas had signs of a struggle, the dogs and forensics had dug through cameras and they all seemed like these were the spots.

She turned to David, “Why does someone give a person a rose?” She raised an eyebrow.

Loki looked almost bored, though it was annoyance. He’d already asked himself this twelve times, “Sign of affection. So why a black one?”

She shook her head, “Yeah, but that’s the thing. The letter was left for you. The letters for the other detectives as well. But you…” she appeared to get distracted by her own thoughts, not unusual for the quirky woman, squinting again as she walked to the round, grey table and took the top file.

David was almost intrigued now, beginning to find himself drawn in, as he watched her, knowing there was some kind of process. He was still impatient, however, and still quite salty about the FBI coming in, “What about me?”

Pulling a few pieces of paper out, she grabbed a color copy of something out and walked over to David, “The last abduction was in Conyers, which you know. All the other detectives have been pulled off the cases for being too involved. But not you,” she glanced over at him, watching his face change as he glanced at her, then back at what was a copy of the last note, “No, you’ve stayed on. And this last note- here!” She pinned it to the board, pointing at the lettering, “The lines are darker. Thicker. The pen changed. Not the font or the style, but this note has more care put into it. Up until now, the notes all looked fairly carbon-copied, you know? But this one is-”

Quiet.

Staring at the lettering silence fell once she stopped herself from finishing. 

Years ago she had felt that same pang in her gut she was feeling now. That overwhelming sensation of dread and panic. She felt it when she had watched the clip of a video someone had posted near a crowd where a murder had taken place. She had felt that gut wrenching sensation as his face appeared. It was hard to spot a murderer because at the core, she knew, everyone had that potential. But some had that piece.

Detective Loki was not endeared by any of this, though. He didn’t buy the idea that suddenly he might have mattered to this killer more than anyone else. Thicker font. Who cared? People lose pens. And he was going to say that before Anders entered once more, a look on his face. The look of a rookie who had never had to say those words before. Never had to tell a detective what he’d just heard. The look of a man who’d vomited before walking in.

That look.

He was falling over his words. Tripping and stumbling over them. He was grasping for them.

But it was Y/N who frowned and spoke quietly, “Just tell us where they found them.”

[avengerscompound]

The Tower: Family - 14

The Tower: Family An Avengers Fanfic

Series Masterlist PREVIOUS //

Pairing:  Avengers x OFC, Bruce Banner x Bucky Barnes x Clint Barton x Wanda Maximoff x Steve Rogers x Natasha Romanoff x Tony Stark x Thor x Sam Wilson x OFC (Elly Cooper)

Word Count: 3494

Warnings:  Pregnancy, Smut (Bisexual orgy, oral sex, vaginal sex, fingering, hand jobs, light d/s, rough sex, come play)

Synopsis: With new powers, Thor now living on Earth full time, a wedding to plan, and Natasha and Wanda expecting, a lot is changing for Elly and her large and rather unconventional family.  When Elise’s parents try to reestablish connections, Elly questions what being a family actually means.

Chapter 14: Steve’s Game

Things were relaxed for a few weeks.  Natasha and Wanda’s morning sickness had all but ended by the last ultrasound, so it was just me struggling in the morning and aside from the usual work things were stress-free.  The major thing going on was the twins were about to start preschool and everyone was this mix of excited and panicked about it.  Each of us a different blend of each.

We also couldn’t quite decide who of us should take them and pick them up on their first day.  We would all agree to everyone going because we were all their parents and people should know that.  Then someone would start worrying about them being teased or bullied about it and so we’d agree that it would just be the same two or four of us doing the pickups and drop-offs.  Or it would be some in-between to that, five for drop off, five for pick up.  Which of us should go would change when it wasn’t all of us at once.  Sometimes we’d think it would be best if it was the biological parents because then it would be easier for people to accept.  Other times we thought it best if it wasn't because they were our kids and biology didn't matter.  We thought Steve should be there because he was the one we all turned to for the big decision making.  Then we thought he absolutely shouldn't because of the attention he’d attract.  Natasha was adamant that she go so she could cloak them on drop off and pick up.

Eventually, we decided that the first day was important.  There were teachers to meet and while the class might be full with all ten of us walking around in it, they'd have to deal with it because we ten people were those two kids' parents and this was an important first for them.  None of us wanted to miss it.

“Alright, my little ones,” Natasha said. It was the night before their first day of preschool and we’d been playing Candy Land with them in teams as we all sat by the large window that looked out over midtown.  It was getting late for the kids and they were going to have a big day tomorrow.  “You both start school tomorrow, so you need to go and get ready for bed.  Who do you want to give you your bath?”

They looked at each other and scrunched up their noses.  “Ummm… Daj?”  Pietro said.

“Yeah, Daj,” Riley agreed.  “You do da bubbews, Daj?”

Wanda laughed softly.  “Yeah, I can do the bubbles.”

“And who should read you your stories?”  Natasha asked.

“Umm…” Pietro said again, looking at Riley.  “I wand… daddy Bwuce.”

“How about, daddy Steeb?”  Riley suggested.

Pietro whined and stuck out his bottom lip.  “Daddy Steeb don do da voices.”

“Damn, Daddy Steve,” Tony teased. “What kind of second rate act are you running?”

“I’m so sorry,” Steve laughed.  “I’ll try harder from now on.”

“What if I read one and then Daddy Steve reads one?”  Bruce suggested.  “As a special treat?”

“Yeah!”  Pietro said, bouncing in his seat.

“Alright then, come on monsters,”  Wanda said, getting up.  “Let’s go have a bath.”

They chased after her and I started packing up the board game.

“Can’t believe they’re starting school,” Sam said.  “Gonna have to put bricks on their heads to stop them from growing.”

“Aww, no,” Clint said.  “It’s cool seeing them become little people.”

“And we shall have four new little ones soon enough,” Thor added.

“We’re going to be drowning in dirty diapers,” Bucky said.  “We’ll be thanking the universe they’re out of diapers.”

“I’m already thanking it for that,” Tony joked.

“How are you doing there, mama bear,” Sam asked, leaning down and rubbing my back as he kissing the side of my neck.

“I’m alright. Nervous but excited,” I said, reaching behind me and running my fingers down the back of his neck.  “I’m gonna get some chocolate.”

He sat back with a chuckle. “It’s always sugar and carbs with you, huh?”

“I’m growing a human, I’m allowed,” I said getting up.  I went and put away the board game and headed into the kitchen.  It was sparkling clean and empty when I went in thanks to our private cook, and I beelined straight to the pantry looking for something sweet.  I found a bag of peanut m&ms and when I brought them back out I was greeted by Steve with his arms folded over his chest and leaning in the doorway.

“Uh oh,” I said, pouring myself a handful of the colorful candy.  “Dad’s here.  Where did I do?”

“El,” he said sternly.

“What?  What’s wrong?”  I asked.

“I’m just worried about you, sweetheart,” he said coming over and putting his hands on my hips.  “You seem a little tired and distant.”

I looked up into his eyes and held a red m&m to his lips.  He opened his mouth, letting me drop the candy in, and nipped at my finger.  “I’m fine,” I assured him.  “I am tired.  But the morning sickness has been kicking my ass.  And the stress about tomorrow isn’t helping with it.”

“Why are you so stressed out?”  He asked.

I shook my head.  “We’ve been sheltering them so much.  They don’t have a lot of experience with other kids and none their age.  I worry they won’t know how to deal with being with a bunch of strangers.  And then on top of that coming from us.  Ten parents.  Nine of them are probably the most famous people on the planet.  There’s going to be kids there with Iron Man backpacks and Captain America t-shirts.  That’s a lot for two little kids to carry on their shoulders.  I’m just worried and I don’t know if I’m going to be able to relax enough to sleep properly.”

“Did you change your mind?”  Steve asked.  “Do you want to try homeschooling instead?  We do have some of the smartest minds on the planet available.”

I shook my head.  “I know.  I’m not worried about them not being educated.  They’re going to be fine when it comes to that.  I’m worried about them not having friends or being able to socialize with their peers.  I know what we have is good.  They are loved and doted on.  But they need to experience the real world too.”

“Tell you what,” Steve said, pulling my hips flush to his.  “If they don’t like it, or it’s not working for whatever reason, we pull them out.  Find a homeschooling group that likes the idea of having big field-trips funded for them and that’s where they can get their social from. So either way, they’ll get the balance.”

I smiled and wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my head on his chest.  “You’re so smart.”

“Thank you,” Steve said and pressed a kiss to the top of my head.

“Why couldn’t my parents be more like you?” I asked.

He rubbed my back and pulled back, looking into my eyes.  “We’ll make sure all our kids get the childhoods we wished we could have had.  Okay?”

I nodded and he leaned down and kissed me deeply.  My hand went to his jaw and his slid down to my thighs and he lifted me, placing me on the kitchen cabinet.  His lips traveled along my jaw and he sucked softly just below my ear.  “How about you go up and take a shower, get nice and clean.  Then after I’ve read to the kids I can get you nice and dirty again.”

“Mm… Steve, your dirty talk is getting so good,” I teased and he spanked my thigh.

“Go on,” he said, letting me down off the counter.  “You can decide if you’ve been bad or good.”

I started laughing and he raised an eyebrow at me.  “Sorry,” I said, patting his ass.  “You made me think of Santa.”

Steve wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me against him.  “You do not make it easy sometimes.”

“I know,” I said, bumping him with my shoulder.  “I’m a very bad girl.”

He spanked my ass again and I laughed as I headed upstairs, eating the m&ms.  I poked my head into the bathroom on my way down to the master bedroom.

“Mommy!”  Riley said, splashing the water when I came in.  Pink bubbles were floating around their heads as Wanda wriggled her fingers, creating them from nothing, and both the kids had bubbles on their heads and chins.

“Hey, kiddos.  You having fun?”  I asked.

“Yeah, mommy,” Pietro said.  “Daj maded de bubbews.”

“I can see,” I said, sitting down on the edge of the tub.  “Daj is so clever isn’t she?”

“Yeah!”  They said at once, bouncing in the tub.

“Well, I’m going to go to bed now, honey bunnies,” I said.  “So I’m going to say goodnight to you now.  I’ll see you both in the morning for school.”

“Otay, mommy,” Pietro said, standing up in the tub.  I smiled and gave him a kiss goodnight and then kissed Riley too.

“Sweet dreams, kiddos,” I said.

“Sweet dweams, mommy,” they both said together.

I got back up and Wanda took my hand.  “I’ll be down when I’m done with them,” she said.

“Okay, beautiful.  See you in a bit,” I said.

I went and took a shower, washing my hair, and taking the time to let the hot water relax my muscles.  When I was done I dried off and put on lotion before dressing in a sheer blue cami and thong.

Wanda was undressing when I came into the bedroom from the wardrobe and she smiled at me.

“They in bed?” I asked.

“Yes,” she said, tossing her skirt into the laundry hamper.  “Bruce and Steve are in with them now.”

“Steve’s going to meet me in here,” I said, climbing into the swing bed.

She smirked and climbed up onto the mattress and began to crawl over to me.  She was still dressed in her matching black lace panties and bra and knee-high black socks.  The swell of her stomach doing nothing at all to detract from how sexy she was.  “He won’t be the only one.”

She brought her lips to mine, and we kissed slowly and passionately, our lips caressing against each other and our tongues dancing together.  I tangled my legs with hers and my stomach pressed against her baby bump.  There was no frantic rush to proceed.  We were just killing time, kissing, and touching each other.

My cunt flooded.  My arousal soaked through my panties and smeared on her bare thigh.  The door opened and I looked up, expecting to see Steve but finding Clint instead.

“Well, well,” he teased, closing the door behind him.  “What do we have here?”

“Nothing much,” I hummed, running my fingers up Wanda’s side.  “Just killing time.

“Well, I was gonna have a shower,” Clint said, taking off his shirt as he sauntered over to the bed.  “But this looks like much more fun.”

He unfastened his pants and pushed them down, tripping as he tried to step out of the legs and landing sprawled on the mattress and making the bed rock back-and-forth wildly.

Wanda and I started laughing.  “Nice one, Clint,” I teased.

“Hush,” he said as he crawled up behind me.  He leaned over me and began to kiss Wanda as he rutted slowly against my ass and massaged my sensitive breasts.  His cock started hardening against my ass and I moaned loudly and rocked my hips between them.

The door opened again and this time when I looked up there were three people silhouetted in the doorway.  Steve was standing at the front of Bucky and Sam with his arms folded over his chest.  The three men surveyed us, I could see Sam smirking as Bucky shifted on his feet.

“Elise,” Steve scolded.  “I don’t remember saying you could start without me.”

I sat up quickly and pulled my legs up against me.  Wanda and Clint sat up too.  Clint bouncing with excitement while Wanda tilted her head and looked at Steve with an expression telling me they were having a silent conversation.  I assumed it was about what was about to happen.  I was excited too.  Wanda wasn’t super into any level of BDSM, but she did seem to have fun being on the side of it while other people were doing something mild.  It was almost like she liked the roleplaying aspect but not the physical side.  Bucky on the other hand I’d never known to participate at all in this kind of thing.  It was going to be fun to see what Steve had in his head that had made him want to bring both Sam and Bucky along with him.

“We’re playing a Steve game?  I didn’t know we were playing a Steve game,” Clint said excitedly.

Wanda gave a little nod and Steve stepped into the room properly.  He walked around the side of the bed and turned the levers so the bed would be held firmly in place.  Sam closed the door behind them as Steve sat on the edge of the bed.  Wanda quickly moved so she was sitting in Steve’s lap.  “So it seems to me,” Steve said as he unhooked Wanda’s bra.  “We have one very good girl and one very bad girl and they both need a seeing to.”

Wanda giggled and tossed her bra aside as Steve leaned down and sucked on her breast.  Bucky and Sam began to undress as they watched on as Wanda moaned and let her head fall back and her hands tangle in Steve’s hair.  My eyes kept flicking from Steve and Wanda to Bucky and Sam as I sat buzzing with anticipation.  Steve pulled back and gently massaged Wanda’s breasts.  “There’s four of us though, so I think we should be able to take care of them,” he guided Wanda to her feet and pulled her panties down.  “Who’d like to start with our very good girl?”

“Sounds like fun,” Bucky said, stepping forward as he stroked his cock.  “What do you say, Wan?  You gonna be good for me?”

“I’d like that, Bucky,” she said, guiding him back onto the bed and straddling his waist.

Steve grabbed my ankle and dragged me over to him.  I squealed and he pulled me up into his lap.  “Our bad girl is going to need a firmer hand I think,” Steve said and tore my camisole straight down the front.  I squeaked and he wrapped his arm around me and began to palm my cunt.  “She’s going to need to be shown who’s in charge.  Who’s up for that?”

Sam stepped up.  “I think I’m up for that,” Sam teased, pumping his cock.  “If you know what I mean.”

“Oh my god,” Clint cackled.  “That was the perviest dad joke ever!”

Steve pushed me to my feet and ripped my thong at the waistband, so both it and my cami fell to the floor.  Sam stepped close and grabbed my wrist, spinning me around so my back was pressed against his chest.  His finger slipped between my folds and he rubbed my clit roughly as he nipped at the shell of your ear.  “You’re already so wet and ready for my cock, princess,” he whispered against my ear.  “How about you bend over the bed for me, princess?”

“How about you make me?” I taunted, grinding my ass back against his dick.

Sam shoved me forward so I was bent over the bed facing Wanda and Bucky, and spanked my ass hard.  I gasped and wriggled a little on my feet.

“What are we doing?”  Clint asked, moving over to Steve.

Steve pulled him close and began to palm Clint’s cock.  “We’re going to be patient, enjoy the show and when Sam and Bucky are done we’ll have our turn.”

I watched as Wanda slowly rolled her hips as she rode Bucky.  He leaned up pulling one of her nipples into his mouth and making her mewl and throw her head back.  While I watched, Sam lined himself up with my entrance and thrust hard in.  It pushed me forward on the mattress and made the bed sway slightly even though it had been tethered down.  “Fuck, Sam,” I moaned loudly.

He spanked my ass and wrapped his hand in my hair.  “None of that talk,” he growled.

“Fuck you,” I mewled.

He spanked me again and began to just rail into me.  He pulled my hair, yanking my head back while at the same time he pressed down in the middle of my back.  “No, princess,” Sam said.  “It’s you that is going to get fucked.”

Clint started laughing again.  “Sam!  Seriously!  You can’t do dad jokes during sex.”

I started laughing and Sam spanked me hard again, making me yelp and jerk under him.  “Do something about the mouthy bird will you, Cap?”

Steve grabbed Clint’s hair and whispered into Clint’s ear.  “Yes, sir,” Clint mewled, letting Steve hold him with his head yanked back.

I turned my focus to Wanda.  She was panting heavily and Bucky was fucking up into her as he suckled on her breast.  I could see how close she was and there was something about seeing him much more tame and gentle sex happening in front of me made the way Sam was pounding into feel even more intense.  I started moaning and trying to hold myself up.  Sam wrapped his arm around my waist and rubbed my clit hard as he leaned right over me, so he was pressed down on me.  “You wanna come, princess?”

“Yes, please, Sam,” I begged.  “Please.”

He pinched my clit and picked up his pace and I came, screaming out.  Sam groaned, grabbing my hips and thrusting hard into me as his orgasm hit and he emptied inside me.

Our orgasms seemed to drag Wanda over and she threw her head back and moaned loudly as it shuddered through her.  “Alright, Clint,” Steve said, patting his thigh.  “Your turn with Wanda.”

“Hey, wait a second.  I’m not done yet,” Bucky complained.

“You’re gonna help me with El,” Steve said moving over to me as Sam slipped from within me.  He picked me up and flipped me over, putting me back on the bed so my head was hanging over the edge.  Wanda rolled off Bucky, onto her back and Clint crawled up between her legs, kissing the insides of her thighs.

Steve pushed my knees up and tapped the head of his cock on my clit as Bucky teased my lips with his cock.  I tilted my head back, opening my throat up and letting Bucky push his cock into my mouth as Steve thrust into my cunt.  Bucky went slow but deep, testing my limit and blocking my airway as he pushed his cock down my throat.  His cock was soaked in Wanda’s juices and I hungrily sucked her tart fluids from him.  Steve on the other was relentless.  He pounded into me, pushing me further down onto Bucky’s cock with each thrust.  I went to grab Bucky’s hips, but Steve grabbed my wrists and pinned them to the mattress.  I was vaguely aware of Clint and Wanda beside us, but only in an abstract way.  All my focus was on Steve and Bucky and my impending orgasm.  Sam began to rub my clit and an orgasm crashed down on my immediately, I mewled into Bucky’s cock as I shuddered around Steve, but neither man eased up, they both just kept fucking me even harder than before.  Steve guided one of my hands up and it touched on Sam’s cock.  I started to jerk him off.  The men would kiss and whisper things to each other above me but what they were saying, I couldn’t tell.

Another orgasm hit and then a third.  I could barely hold myself together.  Wanda had moved up close to me and when a fourth hit both Bucky and Steve pulled out at once.  I choked and arched my back, my whole body quaking with my orgasm.  Wanda put her head on my shoulder and cupped my jaw, pulling me into a kiss, and around me, Steve, Bucky, and Sam jerked their cocks.  As Wanda and I kissed, Steve, Bucky, and Sam came, painting the two of us in hot white ropes.

“Fuck,” Clint groaned and reached over, and ran his fingers through the mess.  “You both look so fucking hot.”

“And you are such a dirty bird,” Sam teased and spanked his ass.

“Alright, you two,” Steve said, scooping me up as Bucky picked up Wanda.  “Let’s get you cleaned off and get you into bed.  Big day tomorrow.”

I hummed and curled up in his arms not at all concerned about sleep at all.

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