#i am currently watching through old seasons for the first time so i have whiplash from watching the s6 girlies being miserable in the amazo

[straight-as-my-spine]

also please let us see them suffer a bit!!! it's all talk about voting and overhyped challenges. "we've all gotta live together out here" girl where was the living all i saw was frantic headless chicken scrambling about votes. give us petty arguments over camp life! show them being miserable in the rain! where is the struggle! they are breaking the #1 rule of storytelling which is show don't tell, and i'm seeing a lot of telling and very little showing.

i’m BEGGING survivor producers to just go back to the very basics. no advantages that result in nothing and are ridiculous to even activate. go back to 39 days. literally just have normal idols and that’s it. PLEASE

[racingliners]

F1 Re-Watch 2013: Round 10 - Hungary

I'm totally not watching this during a race week to try and manifest a Lewis win what are you talking about?

We are finally half-way through my 2013 season watch through! And this is one that I did not see at all at the time (because I was not on the ball with the highlights programmes scheduling). So my only memory of this race was hearing that Lewis won (either on the news, or during the Belgian GP coverage) and not being that surprised bc I was so used to hearing about him winning on the news growing up 😅

I feel like this is quite a momentous race lore wise, with it being Lewis' first with Mercedes which preceded everything he's gone on to achieve since, so I'm beyond excited to see this one!

(also, also, we get a Sewis podium 🥳)

Since this is a noteworthy race I've got some chocolates for the occasion

oh so this was the first Hungary race to have two DRS zones? wild

anyway - Starting Grid!: Lewis pole, Seb P2, this was very much a race for me. Grosjean P3?! Good for him! Dan P8? also good for him. Jenson P13 and Jev P14... why 😭

(again, this is why I call it starting grid whiplash)

Rosberg had some mechanical gremlins on the grid apparently, inch resting

oh wild, comms aren't expecting Lewis to have the pace to win??? I am legit fascinated as to how this race unfolds then

[Formation Lap]: Softs and Mediums are the tyres for this race

cut to the mad dash of mechanics and engineers running to get back to the garages. F1's answer to athletics.

wild that this was Lewis' fourth pole of the season, but the first he was able to convert into a win

cut to Ross Brawn and Andrew Shovlin doing their best 'wind machine at Eurovision' impression in the garage

[Start/Lap 1]: Oh Lewis has zoomed off the line!!

Seb just about stays in P2

There is a COLOSSAL scrap over P3 I don't know where to look

Rosberg goes off!

I need to see the replay of the start that was messy as hell

[Lap 2]: Lewis with a 1.1 second lead already, he is GOATING folks

and I think all the various scraps have calmed down dsibvhfdi

[Lap 3]: oh I spoke too soon the gap between Lewis and Seb is now half a second

oh jeez the start replay, Grosjean, Rosberg and Alonso all tried to overtake Seb going down to turn 1

Lewis really did just shoot off the line though

Oh it was Massa that Rosberg collided with that meant he went off

[Lap 4]: Seb's now 7 tenths behind Lewis

[Lap 5]: In all the chaos, I forgot to say that Grosjean is P3

aaaaand he just set the fastest lap

Jenson's up to 9th!!!

strategy wise comms thinks it'll be a three-stop

[Lap 6]: Romain is starting to catch Seb 👀

[Lap 7]: Lewis is now 1.6 seconds ahead of Seb, who is half a second ahead of Grosjean

Rosberg in P12 after his incident at the start

[Lap 8]: cut to the Merc garage, I am so not used to seeing the old white overalls after so many years of them being in black

[Lap 9]: Sewis watch: gap between them now 1.1 seconds

...now 8 tenths of a second 👀

and Lewis pits!

[Lap 10]: with a fun little power slide on pit entry, he comes out on mediums and in 8th place, and crucially behind Jenson who started on mediums

[Lap 11]: surprisingly Seb stays out

oh damn he's only a few tenths ahead of Grosjean

and Lewis got past Jenson

ah Seb pits at the end of the lap

[Lap 12]: He's also switched to mediums... and comes out behind Lewis and Jenson

[Lap 13]: Alonso also makes his first stop for mediums

so we have a Lotus 1-2 as they're both still to stop, note the date and time

[Lap 14]: Nevermind in comes Grosjean

as does Raikkonen!

I always find double stacks impressive ngl

Seb is still behind Jenson

[Lap 15]: So current top 5 is Webber (still to stop), Lewis, Jenson (also still to stop), Seb and Grosjean.

[Lap 16]: about 5 and a half second between Webber and Lewis

Seb looks to make a move on Jenson at turn 2 but isn't close enough

[Lap 17]: and he tries again but still no dice

and Grosjean thinks about making a pass at turn 4!!

and now Seb's being told to back off in the middle sector to cool the car 👀

[Lap 18]: ...he also has a tiny bit of damage on his front wing after his attempt at passing Jenson... FELLAS CAN WE NOT

I will not repeat Crofty's goulash metaphor bc it legit made my cringe, why couldn't F1 TV have BBC comms 😭

[Lap 19]: Grosjean tries to pass Seb on the outside of turn 1...

...and turn 2!

and Seb keeps going wide

And suddenly, Fernando appears behind the squabbling pair

[Lap 20]: cut to Rocky, looking ever so slightly bothered

so at other tracks, coming up behind a car that started on a harder tyre isn't a total disaster, but at a track like the Hungaroring where it's really hard to overtake, it can completely ruin your race

[Lap 21]: Top 5 still the same, Webber and Jenson still to stop. Lewis is 4 seconds behind Mark.

now 3.8 seconds, he's closing

[Lap 23]: Grosjean makes another look at trying to get past Seb but still isn't close enough

[Lap 24]: and Webber makes his first stop, he goes onto another set of mediums

🚨Lewis in the lead klaxon!!!🚨

And Seb gets past Jenson at turn 4!!!!!

as does Grosjean but they make contact 😬

I wondered why Grosjean had good pace but finished nowhere near the podium, that may be why

[Lap 25]: unsurprisingly Jenson pits, he's on the softs and McLaren don't chance his front wing

The top 5 now: Lewis, Seb, Grosjean, Alonso and Webber

[Lap 26]: and Grosjean pits for the second time for mediums, he comes out in P7

And a Perez fastest lap just for funsies

Sewis watch: the gap between them is 13 seconds

[Lap 27]: 🥰Jenson fastest lap🥰

[Lap 28]: Seb is half a second faster than Lewis 👀

the goats are goating folks

like the 2017 and 2018 seasons were very stressful at the time for me as a Seb fan. but with hindsight it was so brilliant to be able to see the two of them fight it out for the championship.

[Lap 29]: oh my god Grosjean just got past Massa at turn 4 and I legit did not breathe it was SO CLOSE

[Lap 30]: "Webber still tucked up behind Alonso" a Martin Brundle commentary or a fic quote, you decide

[Lap 31]: Sewis watch: the gap between them is just under 12 seconds

... and now 11 and a half seconds

AND Jenson passes Massa at the chicane

[Lap 32]: Lewis pits! His second stop, for another set of mediums

He could in theory go to the end but with the 2013 tyres it'll be close

[Lap 33]: Grosjean under investigation for the incident with Jenson

oh and for going off track and gaining an advantage

[Lap 34]: Lewis goes round the outside of turn 2, which becomes the inside of 3 and gets past Webber!!

[Lap 35]: Seb and Alonso pit, so Lewis re-takes the lead

...Seb has once again come out behind Jenson

[Lap 36]: ✨Lewis fastest lap✨

aaaand 🚨half-race distance klaxon!🚨

drive through pen for Grosjean, the stewards hate fun

[Lap 37]: Seb gets past Jenson on the start-finish straight! He's in P5

top five is Lewis, Webber, Raikkonen, Grosjean and Seb

oh a rare for 2013 Toto in the garage sighting, he's so tall he almost completely hides Bono from view 😂

[Lap 39]: okay the stewards had a point, Grosjean did go over the white lines when he overtook Massa

[Lap 40]: another Lewis fastest lap 👌

[Lap 41]: and another Lewis fastest lap

Speed King!

[Lap 42]: you guessed it, another Lewis fastest lap

he must be going on a three stop the way he's pushing these tyres

so of the top 5 (Lewis, Webber, Raikkonen, Seb and Fernando) Mark and Raikkonen are still to make their second stop

[Lap 43]: and as I say that Raikkonen pits

[Lap 44]: and as does Webber

The top 5 now: Lewis, Seb, Webber, Alonso and Grosjean

🥰Sewis 1-2🥰

[Lap 45]: Yellow flag on the main straight as Valtteri's Williams goes poof :(

we should have a Safety Car considering where the car stopped, but idk if the stewards are that smart

[Lap 46]: ...still just a double yellow with DRS disabled

[Lap 47]: and the car is clear, I am majorly side-eyeing the stewards though. It should have been a Safety Car.

I hereby assign the stewards dumb dumb status

[Lap 48]: oh a Webber fastest lap

[Lap 49]: livery watch - bringing this back for the unmatched and proper silver chrome McLaren livery, so stunning 😍

Merc crew into the pit lane, but for whom? 👀

ah, it's for Rosberg

[Lap 50]: Sewis watch - there's a 15 second gap between them, almost a full pit stop

ooooh Grosjean goes down the inside of Jenson at turn 2!

and Lewis pits!

[Lap 51]: he's onto a new set of mediums, and he juuuust comes out behind Webber

but he gets past coming out of turn 3!!!

man, this race has been great

[Lap 52]: So Seb leads, but will likely stop again, he's seven seconds ahead of Lewis

[Lap 54]: Top 5 is Seb, Lewis, Webber, Raikkonen and Alonso

[Lap 55]: Dan and Jev down in 12th and 13th, an ableist hate crime against me :(

[Lap 56]: anyway, Seb makes his final stop! He's on the mediums and comes out behind Raikkonen in P4

Rosberg adds himself to the drivers that have set a fastest lap club

[Lap 58]: Seb fastest lap! 🥳

"You have fastest lap." "No, you can have the fastest lap." "No really, you can have the fastest lap" <- how it's felt seeing every driver and their grandmother set fastest lap. I've loast count how many different drivers have had it

[Lap 59]: not Lewis snapping at Bono for asking him to change some settings on the steering wheel dfbnfsnbbn

[Lap 60]: And in comes Webber for his final stop

oh interesting he's on the softs

So Raikkonen and Seb are now scrapping over P2, there's 7 tenths between them

[Lap 61]: helmet watch: Seb's helmet for this weekend was so pretty. I have pics on my hungary 2013 tag, but the brushed silver with the white and pale grey helmet is such a pretty combo

[Lap 62]: Niki sighting ❤️

[Lap 63]: Gap between Raikkonen and Seb is 1.4 seconds

annoyingly Raikkonen is doing a really good job of holding position

[Lap 64]: oh damn Webber was 1.8 second faster than Seb on the last lap, though he's 8 and a half seconds back

[Lap 65]: Seb now back within a second of Raikkonen

oh damn, Rosberg's out

*cut to the Merc pitwall*

shit his engine blew

That's totally what you want to see with 5 laps left

[Lap 67]: 4 laps left!

Seb is still behind Raikkonen

"Fail 22 Fail" yeah that's not great (the message was sent to both Red Bulls)

Mechanical gremlins popping up like a very aggressive jack-in-a-box

[Lap 68]: Lewis is 11 and a bit seconds ahead of Raikkonen

ahhhhh Seb tried to go round the outside of Raikkonen at turn 4 but doesn't make it 😫

[Lap 69]: "There may be some action ahead" Simon Rennie watching Raikkonen v Seb with popcorn living for the drama

[Lap 70]: And Lewis starts the final lap 🥹

Seb is soooo close to Raikkonen but just cannot get past

ahhhh Lewis goes through the second to last corner!

[Finish]: LEWIS WINS!!!!!!!

His 22nd overall and the first of many, many, many with Mercedes 🥹🖤🤍

Note the date and time, the first "Get in there Lewis" Team Radio 😭

Toto proceeding to attack hug the entire pit wall 🥺

anyway, while I get caught in my feelings, the rest of the top ten were: Raikkonen P2, Seb P3, Webber P4, Alonso P5, Grosjean P6, Jenson P7, Massa P8, Perez P9 and Maldonado P10, and what was Williams first points of the year

Aw man, that was a pretty great race! Lots of on-track battles both up front and in the midfield... and Lewis getting his first ever Merc win and what was then his 4th win at Hungary 🥹

Next race - Belgium!

[essentiallykpopandbl]

I kind of just sat silently after watching the episodes of To My Star 2 today. I was crying, in awe, and digesting what had just happened in the show. Then i had to work. And now i have a lot that I need to say about it. So strap in, this will get long.

I see a lot of people being angry over Jiwoo and his choices. I will admit, I have wanted to smack him once or twice for how harsh he is toward Seojoon. But I want to talk about the importance of a character like Han Jiwoo being portrayed on screen. This man has a lot of self worth, self love, and trust issues. And I mean LOTS of them. These are a lot of the same issues many people struggle with. Am I enough? Do I deserve love? Why does this person love me? How do I love them back? Will this end painfully? How do I make this hurt less? And all of them are valid questions and issues. I'm not saying he doesn't deserve Seojoon, or that he isn't enough, but it is ok for him to have those questions. It is part of life, it's part of learning about ourselves and making ourselves better. He is not any less deserving just because he has these concerns. I think that is why it is so important that we see this character on screen. This needs to be represented more. We talk a lot about representation on screen and I think it is just as important to show these mental and emotional struggles as well. I know there are people that don't want to see this realistic and sad reality on screen, and I get it. The world sucks enough. But I think showing these struggles help people understand others and realize they are not alone.

What this show has done so well is forced us to watch this story play out through Seojoon's eyes. Before today, we have not been able to understand Jiwoo. We heard his words and the anger he put into them and saw the blank expression he always tried to give Seojoon, but we were confused by the look in his eye, or the protective traits he keeps using. We knew Jiwoo was in love because he still catches things before they hit the ground, protects the person next to him from people on the street even if it isn't Seojoon, follows Seojoon with his eyes.... oh yeah, and licks the blood off his face and kisses the hell out of him. But his actions didn't match his words, and since Seojoon felt confusion and whiplash, the audience did as well. Only when the point of view shifts do we see the emotion behind the actions. We begin to understand just how alone Jiwoo felt. That he told himself the love he has could never compete with the world's love for Seojoon. That their relationship was on borrowed time. That there is nothing more lonely then being afraid of the relationship you are in. And now the audience sees both sides, and that honestly hurts even more. That this isn't a problem that comes from a lack of love. And if that doesn't just rip my heart out and stomp on it.

So what now? Where do we go from here? We have two characters that are currently very broken, with only 2 episodes to go. Seojoon is depressed and crying in the house he used to share with Jiwoo. Jiwoo is bawling reading old texts from someone he loves and realizing just how deeply Seojoon loves him. Some people want them back together. Some want them to stay apart. Some just wants some form of happiness for these two. And I don't really know where I fall in that spectrum. On one hand I sympathize with Jiwoo. That hand wants them to find happiness apart. Learn to love themselves and find peace with what happened between them. But the other hand sides with Seojoon. That hand wants Jiwoo to realize that his insecurities were the reason this feel apart and he should apologize for leaving. They can trust in their love and find happiness together. But it is in Hwang Da Seul's hands and I just hope she is kind to my heart and tear ducts.

Regardless of what happens, I don't think it ruins the happy ending of the first season. We are watching short periods of time in their lives. At the time of the first season, they fell in love and were happy. They were helping heal each other. But that might not last. It does not change the fact that they did fall in love. It is easy to fall apart, it is a lot harder to put ourselves back together. This could all just be part of the journey they have to go on to heal. Would I have liked to see a whole season of these two smiling, in love, and living a wonderful life..... of course I would. But what we got instead was an amazingly acted beautifully directed exploration of a painful love story. I cried a lot (which is no surprise) but I am so glad to have experienced this. Good luck to Seojoon and Jiwoo next week. May you both find the happiness within you.

[apocalypseornaw]

Always be Yours-3

Word Count :4,844

Story Summary: Inspired by the 2 part i did of the same title. Follows Dean and the reader through season 9 into season 10

Chapter Summary: When Ezekiel reveals the angels are organizing it becomes a race to find Cas before they do. Dean starts to let you see another side of himself.

Warnings: Cursing, fights, brief character death

You could vaguely hear someone knocking at your door and groaned trying to pull your pillow over your head to stifle the noise until the thought occurred to you yet again you weren’t at some shitty motel ducking housekeeping if someone was knocking it was Sam, Dean or Kev.

“Yeah c’mon in” you hollered pushing the blanket off as you sat up running a hand over your face in an attempt to wake up. When the door opened it was Sam on the other side fully dressed in running clothes “Good morning Y/N” you looked at the time then yawned “Morning? Are you going for a run this early?” he laughed and it was then you noticed how sweaty he was “No I actually just got back. Want to go with me to grab some breakfast?” any other time you would’ve turned down the offer but the thought of Abaddon’s flunkies mixed with every pissed off angel that fell pulled you to your feet “Yeah I’ll be dressed by the time you get out the shower. We can take my jeep” He smiled “Sounds like a plan” then shut your door behind himself.

You hadn’t exactly unpacked yet so you were still pretty much living out of your bags. You’d never really felt settled anywhere and didn’t want to get to the point of seeming like you were making yourself too at home even though you knew Sam and Dean had both meant it when they said that you were welcome to stay as long as you wanted. You dug out some clean jeans, a black t-shirt and a red flannel then started to get changed.

You were just pulling your boots on when Sam knocked at the door again. “All dressed Sammy” you called out with a smile knowing he was rolling his eyes even before you glanced up at him standing in your doorway. “Ready?” you grabbed your keys,phone and jacket “Let’s go”

------

You had come through a few times but had never really stopped in Lebanon so you followed Sam’s direction to the diner. When you parked and climbed out you noticed he kept looking your way so you said “Spill it” as the two of you walked into the door of the diner and headed for a booth in the corner. Once you were both seated and the waitress had went to place your orders along with the to-go one for Dean, Sam finally looked back at you then shrugged “It’s nice having you at the bunker. I know Dean likes having you around too” You shook your head and reached for the sugar to add to your coffee “Dean likes me being around because he worries about you slightly less and I am almost as much of a smartass as he is” “Yeah that’s the only reason why” he muttered and you knew that tone but chose not to humor him. He was on a fishing expedition and you weren’t about to help. Instead you turned it around to ask how he was feeling.

 “I feel great Y/N, honestly I do” you studied him for a second and briefly wondered if Ezekiel was also looking back at you but shook your head to clear those thoughts “I’m glad. It scared the hell out of me when Dean said you collapsed outside that church” “Yeah then when Dean told me you were running solo after so many angels were let loose I wasn’t exactly happy to hear it” he replied with that damn smirk him and Dean both seemed to have. “Yeah well like I said I’m not going anywhere for a while even if someone calls me for backup on a hunt I’ll come back to the bunker. I promise” he nodded then by that time the waitress was bringing your food back over. You both leaned back so she could put the plates down then when she walked away you checked your phone and let out a breath “Where’s Cas?” he shook his head sadly “Hopefully he’ll make it soon but after you getting your head bashed in I don’t think we should be asking on his trail too much without all of us being there” you touched the spot in your head and scoffed “That was just a scratch Sam don’t be dramatic besides Cas is actually worse off than we are. We’ve been hunters and human our entire lives. Up until recent he’s had his grace to aid him in pretty much everything” “We’ll find him but first let’s finish breakfast and get back before Dean sends out a hunter bolo on the two of us” That thought alone made you laugh.

------

You pulled up to a stop outside the bunker and looked over at Sam “Think he’s up yet?” he waved towards the door “One way to find out” 

You walked in behind Sam and heard him say morning. When you walked further in you saw that Dean was standing on the lower floor in his robe. You followed Sam down the stairs then shot Dean a smile “Love the bedhead” he smirked at you then checked his watch “You two been outside already?” You pointed a finger at Sam “He woke me after he went on a run to see if I wanted to do a breakfast run. We did bring you food” 

"Real bacon and eggs extra grease” Sam offered holding the container out. “Perfect” it wasn’t until all three of you were sitting around the map table that it really hit Dean that Sam had went running.”Why do you look worried?” Sam asked and you tried to throw a look to say drop it but he said “Well there’s Cas we haven’t heard anything from then there’s you Sam” “Me? I feel great” you spoke up trying to be the neutral party “I’m sure you do Sam but you went through the trials, that put a strain on you” Dean nodded “We just think it’s better if you take it easy and didn’t act like”

You clocked it when Sam’s posture changed a half second before his eyes glowed blue “Possessed by an angel?” when you and Dean both looked at Ezekiel he added “and he does feel better. A work in progress of course but I am slowly healing him” “That’s great” Dean started but Ezekiel cut him off “I have news. I picked up chatter among the angels. Not all are wandering around in confusion” “Yeah some are after Cas” you blurted and Ezekiel nodded “There is a faction that is rapidly organizing and finding human vessels to contain them” “Lead by Naomi?” Dean questioned but Ezekiel shook his head “I have not heard that name but it is this faction’s leadership who want Castiel found. You see Dean I can be useful”

You almost felt bad for Ezekiel but you didn’t like the idea of him taking the reigns from Sam at random so you were glad when Dean spoke first “Yeah well so can my brother, So why don’t you go check your email and if we need your help we’ll let you know” Ezekiel looked at you “Y/N” but you agreed with Dean “He said we’ll let you know”

His eyes glowed again then you knew Sam was back by the relaxed posture even before he said “I mean Cas is human now. It’s gonna take him a lot longer to travel now” Dean shook his head “I’m gonna get whiplash” “Glad I’m not the only one” you muttered leaving Sam looking rather confused “What?” You met Dean’s eyes as both of you said “Nothing”

Dean cleared his throat then said “Me and Y/N were thinking if the angels are organizing then that makes them a lot more dangerous than we thought” Sam looked at you “Why do you think they’re organizing?” “It makes sense” you offered trying to get Dean to help you so he cut in “The point is that the more of them that are after Cas, the worse it is so we got to find him”

------

Dean headed to get dressed while Sam went to locate a map of Colorado so you followed Dean down the hall and stopped him just shy of his room. “Dean we need to talk” he turned around and crossed his arms over his chest before tilting his head slightly “about what?” you looked over your shoulder to make sure Sam was nowhere around before saying “You’ve got to back off some. I know you’re worried about Sam, believe me I am too but if he gets suspicious and kicks out Ezekiel before he’s healed we’ll lose him” you saw the moment he let those careful walls he kept up slide just slightly “There’s just still so much we don’t know about Zeke. I mean what if he has enemies and an angel decides to take out old issues on Sam” you reached out and laid one hand on top of his arms “I’ll make sure he doesn’t go out alone anymore I promise. You know I’ll kill for him or you but we’ve got to keep our heads on straight especially now that we know both sides of the playing field are organizing” you felt when his arms relax just a bit under your touch. He nodded and slowly uncrossed his arms so you pulled your hand back and smiled “I’ve got your back Dean if you’ll just let me” “Thank you Y/N” you nodded then heard Sam call your name “Go get dressed I’ll start marking out Cas’s possible paths here. We’ll find him”

Dean watched you walk away and reminded himself you were in his life because you were Sam’s friend. He’d just come along as part of a package deal. There were times though it felt too damn natural to relax around you.

------

You were standing at the table in the library marking off the map in grids around Longmont. There was only so far Cas could’ve traveled and the current hope was that if angels were in fact hunting him they would lead the three of you to him.

Dean walked in and looked over your shoulder so you pointed at the dot in the middle “That’s Longmont, each circle shows how far he might have gotten one, two then three days out” he looked across the names of the towns then glanced at Sam who was pouring over recent unsolved murders along that same path “Ok here we go same day he called from Longmont . Weird murder same town. Cops said it was like the girl was blasted from the inside out” Dean glanced at the screen and shrugged “Angel kill. They might have just missed Can unless they got him” “They didn’t get him” you argued and Dean cut his eyes at you before Sam clicked on another article and glanced over at the map “Y/N, you got an Emory Park, Iowa?” You and Dean both leaned across the map and you tapped the name “There, a couple days outside of Longmont” you knew Cas wasn’t dead. Hell human or not he was too smart for that. Sam looked back at the screen then said “Ok, two priests were murdered there thursday. Eyes blown out, evidence of torture. They were impaled on posts” “Torture?” Dean asked and Sam nodded “Yeah” “Angels are looking for info” you guessed and Dean let out a breath “If they get to him before we do” “They won’t” you pushed looking back at the map.

------

All of you were on the road to Emory park within the next hour. When you rolled up the church the priests had belonged to Dean nodded at you “You go with Sam” you met his eyes for just a second then followed Sam across the parking lot. The officials couldn’t really tell you any more than the news articles or the local sheriff’s department had so Sam decided on a gut instinct to check and see if any more angel kills had happened.

You were checking in with other hunters to see if they had heard anything angelic or demonic since Abaddon was still a worry for another day when Dean climbed back in the car “All right. Well he’s definitely been here. Good news is he’s getting cagey” “Cagey?” you asked and he nodded “He’s using a fake name Clarence” Sam scoffed with a smile “That’s what Meg used to call him. Of course he doesn’t get that’s the name of a pretty famous angel” “What?” Dean asked so you glanced up from your phone “Seriously? It’s a wonderful life?”

Dean was still clueless so you said “We so need a movie night” then tapped Sam on the shoulder “What’d you come up with because the hunters network is dry at the moment” Sam hit a few more keys then said “Another angel kill, outside a town called Lafayette. About a day’s travel east of here” “What is that Indiana?” Dean asked so you leaned up to read over Sam’s shoulder “Says body was found in a homeless camp, Insides barbequed the whole nine”

“Homeless guy?” Dean asked but Sam shook his head “No a pharmacist from Dayton” “Well looks like we’re headed to Indiana boys” 

------

You knew that some locals didn’t take kindly to women poking around their investigations. You’d gotten used to it so you simply fell back and let the boys take the lead. There was nothing special about the vic or his possessions except for the fact that he had dozens of episodes of the same religious podcast downloaded “Reverend Buddy Boyle’s Goin for Glory hour” “Cops said he was religious?” you offered glancing through the man’s wallet.

Dean clicked an episode then leaned over so you and Sam both could watch. The Reverend started speaking “Join me in a heapin helpin of glory friends. When you’re in the presence of the divine, you’ll know it and if you let yourself, you’ll hear it” dude was really giving you a bad vibe even before Dean fast forwarded it to the point that the good reverend said “So, remember when angels come a knocking, let em on in” “Angels cant possess a human without permission right?” Sam spoke causing you and Dean to pass a guilty look which thankfully Sam didn’t notice “Yup but I think they’re using this guy to find vessels” you reasoned and Dean added “It’s a willing audience. They’re all religious types like our pharmacist here. Buddy Boyle’s telling them to let the angels take them over” “Like body snatchers” Sam bite out and you felt a twinge of guilt again before asking “How big a reach does this Boyle guy got?” the thought of what Ezekiel said flashing through your mind again. A quick internet search showed the worst possibility Buddy’s podcast reached pretty much the entire planet.

------

With no other option you headed to the homeless camp in hope someone would tell you something. You felt your heart drop when Dean parked baby and you saw just how many people were there “Dean don’t be as rough as you normally are” he looked at you as the three of you climbed out and said “I’m not rough”

You followed them over to where the largest group of people were and watched Dean strike out twice with trying to get information “We’re just looking for some information. We’re not cops. Do we look like cops?” and had to back bite a laugh at how offended him and Sam both were when one of the men pointed at you “She doesn’t but you two do” you winked at Dean then stepped up to speak “We’re just looking for a friend. He’s gotten himself in a bad spot. He may have been here the night the man was killed. Were any of you here then?”

A man stepped around the corner “Maybe” you shrugged at Dean who gave a description of Cas then Sam added “He may be calling himself Clarence?” the man smiled “Clarence yeah” “Did you two talk?” Sam asked but the man shook his head “Not much” “And?” Dean questioned but the man brushed it off “I think he was on the run”

“You see him with the vic,uh the victim?” Sam asked and you shot him a glare for using vic at first. After a bit of tooth pulling the man finally told you Cas had hailed a truck marked motor city meats down and that meant he was headed to Detroit.

------

You needed to stop for gas and snacks on the road and you found yourself not for the first time caught between the boys arguing. “Look at these chemicals. Do you even read the label?” Sam asked holding a piece of pie Dean had bought in the store. You laughed into your coffee when Dean said “No, I read pie. The rest is blah,blah,blah” “Remind me when we ever get downtime to make you a real apple pie” you told Dean who raised both eyebrows and gave you a grin “I’ll hold you to that” then looked at Sam “When we hit Detroit we start with the homeless shelters” “Then the encampments, soup kitchens” Sam agreed and you added “We also need to check out the places he might have gone looking for work”

“I can check for vagrancy arrests and odd deaths” you offered as the three of you rounded a corner. You knew what was coming so you simply stepped back when Sam and Dean both grabbed the guy who had been trailing all of you and slammed him to the chain link fence “Who are you?” Sam asked and Dean added “And why the hell are you trailing us?”

------

A small part of you registered that you along with two of the most important people in your life were torturing someone and that it should bother you but it didn’t. Whether it was that Cas was at stake or that you simply had gotten to a them or us mindset he was an angel and working to hunt down Cas and the boys which made him a bad guy in your book..

You were in an abandoned warehouse where they had chained Maurice to the roof and were working to get information out of him. So far they’d gotten that he was a bounty hunter which was the equivalent of delta force reapers. “Why’d they sic you on Cas?” you asked the bloodied angel who glared at you “He warded himself” “Naomi hire you?” Dean asked but Maruice laughed “Oh you really are out of the loop. Naomi’s dead, resting in pieces” “So who’s running things now?” Sam demanded and when Maurice didn’t answer Dean nearly growled “Answer” and stepped towards him again gripping the angel blade the energy rolling off of Dean was pure aggression in that moment and you were glad you landed on protect side of his scale.

Maurice must have sensed that as well because he finally answered “Her protege, Bartholomew. He’s an up and comer” “So he figured we’d lead you to Cas?” Sam guessed. “This Bartholomew, He’s organizing the angels?” you asked and when no answer came Dean slashed him across the chest “She’s speaking to you” “That’s all I know” Maurice finally spat out.

Dean tilted Maurice’s head up with the angel blade and Maurice glared at him “Kill me if you want. It won’t do any good. If I don’t find Castiel there’s others who will” Dean’s eyes barely flicked towards you so you said “Well at least we know you wont” before Dean stabbed the blade in right under Maurice’s neck.

------

You drove through the night to get to Detroit but ended up chasing your tails all night. Dean pulled over and looked back at you “I don’t want to do this but Y/N if we have any hope of finding Cas alive we need plan b” “Plan b?” Sam asked but you knew what Dean was telling you so you nodded then looked at Sam “We’re letting you know” he was clearly confused when he asked “Letting me know?” So Dean sighed and repeated slowly “We’re letting you know”

You saw his posture change right before his eyes glowed blue “What is it Dean?” “We need your help” you answered. Ezekiel replied “That is flattering. We’ve been through this. I can not be making public appearances” “We get that. We’re not asking you to walk the red carpet Zeke. We just need help finding Cas” “It can not be done. He is warded” Ezekiel reasoned so you spoke up “Yeah but maybe you can use your intergalactic, hyperspace xray eyeballs here” Dean clarified “There might be a reaper for rent on his ass, can you find them?” “I could try” Ezekiel offered and closed his eyes. Dean shot you a look in the mirror so you shrugged helplessly. When Ezekiel opened his eyes again he had a place to look.

------

You ran in the door behind Sam about the time the reaper stabbed Cas. Before either of you could do anything with a wave of her hand she’d sent you flying across the apartment. You ended up nearly underneath Sam in the closet and both of you were getting to your feet as the reaper stalked towards you. You saw Dean move out the corner of your eye as she said “This girl’s popular with all the boys” She punched Sam first then looked at you “And girls” Dean was behind her so you nodded “I’d worry about him” and she turned into the blade as Dean buried it home.

“Check on Cas” you hollered and went to your knees next to Sam “C’mon wake up! Sammy? Zeke? Please wake up” you glanced over your shoulder and Dean shook his head “He’s gone” “Like hell” “Sorry Sam” you muttered then slapped him hard across the face.When his eyes opened you knew it wasn’t Sam looking back at you so you begged “Help Cas please”

You watched holding your breath while Ezekiel healed Cas. About the time he collapsed Cas opened his eyes so you helped to ease Sam’s body down then glanced up “Welcome back Cas”

------

You and Cas ended up falling asleep in the backseat leaned against each other. When Dean pulled up in front of the bunker he turned around to wake the two of you and smiled at the sight. Cas was leaned back against the seat and your head was over on his shoulder. "Take a picture it'd last longer" Sam teased and climbed out to head to the door. 

You woke when Dean gently shook your shoulder "C'mon sleeping beauties we're home" you smiled sheepishly at Cas "Sorry about falling asleep on you" he smiled in return "Don't apologize Y/N" then climbed out the door behind you.

Dean grinned and motioned towards the door "Sam has the food. You two didn't even stir when we stopped" you joked "Human Cas is very comfortable I guess" "That makes yet another person you've slept on besides me" Dean teased as the two of you followed Cas into the bunker. You shrugged "Maybe because you've never offered me your shoulder Dean"

-------

All of you were in the map room talking about humanity of all things. “It aint all burritos and strippers my friend” Dean said causing you to roll your eyes and add “Naw sometimes it’s cowboys and pizza or maybe that’s just my taste” Cas half smiled “I understand what you’re saying. There’s more to humanity than survival. You look for purpose, and you must not be defeated by anger or despair or hedonism for that matter” that made you look up “Where’s hedonism come into it?” “My time with April was very educational” “Yeah I think getting killed is something” you offered and laughed from shock alone when he added “and having sex”

“You had sex with April?” Dean asked so you laughed “Yeah that’d be where the hedonism comes in. I mean I can’t blame her. Cas is attractive and know he’s all scruffy to boot” Dean shot you a look so you shrugged as he turned back to ask Cas if he had protection “Well I had my angel blade” Dean smirked at Sam “He had the angel blade””Shut up you heathens” you scolded them and winked at Cas who smiled “In any event I do now see how difficult life can be and how well the three of you have led it and I think you’ll be great teachers”

“Thanks Cas” Dean said and Cas smiled again “Y/N are there any more burritos?” you grabbed his hand “Cmon” and lead him into the library.

-------

You sat down with Cas and he was asking you questions about being human so you were trying to answer them as best as possible when Dean walked in “Y/N I um need a minute with Cas” you could tell something was wrong but you stood up “Um sure” and patted Cas on the shoulder on the way by.

-------

“What do you mean Cas just left?” you asked Dean stepping in front of him so he couldn't retreat to his room to avoid your questions the way he had Sam’s. “Look Y/N, Ezekiel said if Cas stayed he had to leave” the weight of that implication hit you hard but you had to say “Dean, this is Cas.He’s had your back and mine and Sam’s so many times. How do we kick him out with nowhere to go?” 

He ran his hand over his face “I don’t like it anymore than you do. I gave him some money and the location of a few of Bobby and Rufus’s cabins” You could tell how much the decision was weighing on Dean so you reached out and gently touched the arm closest to you and was surprised when he didn’t pull away but rather seemed to lean into your touch. “Y/N I’m barely holding it together here sweetheart so if you wanna yell at me please wait until morning”

You let the anger you’d been feeling seep out of you and pulled him into a hug. He was rigid at first then slowly relaxed against you even slipping his arms around you to hold you closer “We’ll fix it. Somehow we’ll fix it Dean” you could feel his breath on top of your head when he said “I hope you’re right Y/N”

You stood there for a few moments before Dean pulled away first. You were expecting a joke or something to play off the fact that he was showing emotion but he just stared at you for a second then said “How did you ever get tangled up in our mess of a life? Hunter or not” you shrugged “Pure luck” and that caused a small smile to tug at his lips. Yeah everything was a shit show but you had to hold onto some sort of belief that all of you could figure it out. The angels, the demons, helping Cas and even healing Sam. You weren’t naive no you knew shit could get even worse but you also knew you’d stay swinging until your last breath and so would they. That’s all the faith you needed to have. “Your bad luck, our good luck” he breathed and you couldn’t resist the urge to tease him by saying “Oh so now I’m a piece of good luck?” He nodded “You always have been” the two of you stared at each other for a moment and it looked like he wanted to say something else but Sam calling his name broke both of you out of it. You scratched at the back of your neck then nodded down the hall towards your room “I’m gonna head to bed” he pointed towards the kitchen where Sam was “And I’m gonna go see what Sammy wants”

You glanced back over your shoulder and Dean winked at you before turning to walk towards the kitchen. What exactly had just happened between you and Dean?

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[bythebigcoolingtower]

Eye on Springfield - An Interview with Raymie Muzquiz

Since working on eighteen episodes of seasons two and three of the Simpsons, Raymie Muzquiz has enjoyed a strong, thirty plus years career in the animation industry, including directing eight episodes of Futurama’s second run. Here, Raymie talks about his spell on both shows, his other projects and the industry itself.

Let’s start at the start, how did you get into animation and end up at Klasky-Csupo?

In 1988-89, I was working for a movie trailer company. I was a production assistant and then a post coordinator for about 2 years. I learned a lot about film post production and worked on a flatbed editor, dubbing machines, etc. (all pre-digital). However, it was nonetheless a miserable, unartistic, poorly-paying job that laid bare all those awful “Swimming With Sharks”, fear-and-loathing tropes of the movie business. My boss was a horror. He’d yell at me about the dressing in his salad, or the variety of bread on the sandwich. I was his presumed personal assistant to deride. Yet he would shamelessly “lick the boots” of celebs and execs higher up the food chain. To this day, I cannot watch movie trailers. On the rare trip to a theater, I sit in the lobby and have my wife text me when the feature starts.

During this awful period I would look daily through the trades for another job. One day in the Hollywood Reporter there was an ad that included a picture of Marge (I think). Klasky-Csupo (just blocks from my apartment!) was looking to staff for Season 2 of The Simpsons. Since I storyboarded all my student films and some action sequences in live-action low-budget features at Roger Corman’s Concorde/New Horizons in the late 80’s. I applied for a storyboard position. What happened next gave me whiplash. I was given a test. Hours after turning the in the test I hired as a staff storyboard artist to start two weeks hence and immediately given a freelance assignment.  

How did I get this plum position with zero experience? This requires some context. The Simpsons was an unexpected TV-animation phoenix rising from the ashes of a poverty-row industry. It is little exaggeration to say that the TV animation talent pool (as opposed to feature animation) consisted largely of old, alcoholic and broken-spirited artists doing Saturday-morning hack-work, subsuming their talent to low budgets and low cel counts. The necessary talent were simply nonexistent for this new, hip renaissance. The doors opened to the young, the students and the inexperienced like me; someone who didn’t go to art school nor drew for a living. It was a singular event for me. I was ignorant that there was even a difference between animation and live action storyboards. I was even naive about my drawing ability. Imagine my reaction when I saw trained artists draw in a professional environment. It blew my mind! My only saving grace was that as a live-action film graduate, I knew film language. I could stage without “crossing the line”. Scenes “cut” together and “hooked up” and I was staging in depth rather than in the traditional “proscenium” cartoon style. My acting was restrained, not broad or cartoony.

I did my first storyboard freelance while still at the trailer company. It was for Jim Reardon; his first directing assignment: Itchy & Scratchy & Marge in 1989.

Can you explain the work you did on the Simpsons?

Everybody probably knows what storyboarding is, so I’ll keep it short. It’s the visualisation of the script/story. It’s TV animation’s biggest step from script to screen. You are staging the characters in space and acting them out and breaking it up into separate scenes that informs the entire rest of the process. Design, layout, key posing, action and timing build off the storyboard.

When you were assigned to work on the show what were your thoughts? It was a phenomenon by that point.

The first season’s episodes of the Simpsons were being re-runned to death. I remember doubting if they’d successfully make more before the buzz died off. When I was hired I couldn’t believe my luck. The Simpsons was THE hip show of the moment. To actually be a creative team member on something fresh and original AND get paid more than beggar’s wages was like winning the lottery.

How closely did you work with the directors and writers, what kind of notes and feedback did you receive?

When I arrived for my first meeting, Mark Kirkland and Jim Reardon were crowded in a small room with folding tables, right off of reception. I believe they were both directing for the first time. Although I was already hired to work in-house, I had to give two weeks to my current, satanic employer, so I was assigned work as a freelancer. It was to board an act of Itchy & Scratchy & Marge by its director, Jim Reardon. Little did I know what I was getting into.

I never had to draw so much in my life! My drawing hand (left) was killing me in those early months. I had to develop a callous on the middle finger. They gave me the “radio-play;” an audio cassette of the recorded dialog to draw to and tons of model sheets.  

I remember being overwhelmed by the volume. And you had to draw in these tiny boxes of the formatted storyboard page. I didn’t have that kind of discipline (I never did: I eventually developed a style of drawing on blank pages, then fielding and formatting them onto a page. Sometimes I scaled my drawings down on the xerox machine. I also drew on post-its (the greatest invention in animation after cels) and taped them onto the formatted sheet.  

As this was freelance, I actually only met with Jim twice: Once for the hand-out and then again to show him my roughs. I vaguely remember him asking for changes that I thought were off-show (I’d seen all extant episodes multiple times on TV by then). Plus this was my first time and really had no expectations of what the process was.

But--he was the director--I addressed his notes and turned in the storyboard to the receptionist without further feedback. This almost became my undoing. In future, I would know the director should go over the storyboard and decide if it was ready, needed further revision or even just check the “bookkeeping”; the placement of dialog, notes and scene and page numbering before releasing it to the producers (all the Executives at Gracie Films across town). However--for whatever reason--this didn’t happen. It went directly from reception to Gracie. And evidently the executives didn’t react well. I was ignorant of all of this for years; until Mark Kirkland told me what happened...

The Executives were displeased with the storyboard and demanded to know what happened. Someone blamed it on the new guy (me!). So it was decided I had to be fired (before I even started my first day on staff)!  

Did I get thrown under the bus? I can’t say. I wasn’t there. I am only relating events second hand.  

Anyway, Mark Kirkland, who shared the room with Jim Reardon and was present during my meetings came to my rescue (again, completely unbeknownst to me). He vouched for my character and said I was worthy of rescue and rather than firing me, I could work with him. 

So I have Mark to thank for my career. If I was fired, it would have been crushing and I think it’s safe to say I would never have become the artist I’ve become in the thirty plus years of my career.

What was the pressure like working on the show and at the studios during that time?

Because of my lack of experience, I found it difficult judging deadlines and the necessary labor (and just pencil mileage) to succeed. Plus I was traumatised by my previous job; I was conditioned to fear punishment and humiliation at anytime for something I did or didn’t do.

The climate at Klasky/Csupo couldn’t be more starkly different; so egalitarian! Everyone was socialising and goofing around. Gabor Csupo couldn’t be a more laid-back boss! Long lunches with side-trips for comic books and toys! Nerf guns in the hall. I shared a tiny room with two other board artists, Peter Avanzino and Steve Moore. They would both have to vacate the room for me to reach my desk in the far corner. We bantered and laughed more than worked. Celebrities would drop by (Most memorable was meeting Frank Zappa). There were events always going on; bowling, screenings and parties. And yet, a ton of thought and drawing was necessary; especially for me. I worried I couldn’t work as fast as other artists. I often had to work nights and weekends to meet my deadlines. However, there always were other artists doing the same thing; they may have been more experienced than me, but they were young and not so disciplined; so I was never alone. Plus, you never knew how off the mark your roughs could be and after a meeting with the director and Brad Bird, you might suddenly be looking at a ton of revision work. I also remember that Brad was busy weekdays and meetings could sometimes only be done on Saturdays. I simply had a lot to learn and time to put in to build my proficiency. And Brad Bird was very important influence in those days: I could be nervous and exhausted preparing for a meeting with him, but he’d so infect you with his enthusiasm and creative vision that you’d end up re-doing the whole thing but be excited about doing it. He emphasized the cinematic aspects and empowered us to be bold and push the limits of traditional animation staging.

You worked on some of the show’s early classics, could you tell from your position how the episodes would come out?

My next episode for Jim Reardon was “When Flanders Failed”. Because of the kerfuffle of the first episode I did for him, I was anxious to be as professional and impressive as possible. I thought the act I did showed improvement. However, the episode seemed to languish at some point (after animation?) and word got around that it was a bust and wouldn’t reach air. My memory is hazy about this, but I was bummed at the time; thinking my working relationship with Jim was snake-bit.  

A season later, it eventually did air. I’m not giving a very good account of this, sorry.

“Flaming Moe’s” was an episode I was excited about. I remember Brad Bird suggesting some very exciting staging that turned my head around. Especially the part where Homer ends up--“Phantom of the Opera-ish”--in the rafters. I think that was a turning point for me; I was going to be a Brad disciple and determined to push the staging from then on.

“Stark Raving Dad”, is memorable to me, but not for a good reason. It was one of the last episodes I worked on; only doing an act. I remember being scandalized that Michael Jackson was the subject of the episode. Being a Simpsons purist, I believed that the show existed in a parallel universe and celebrities were parodied for laughs; it was too hip to be a shill for celebrity. There was no Arnold Swarzenegger, there was McBain. There was no Hal Fishman (our local channel 5 anchor), there was Kent Brockman. Dr. Hibbert was a parody of Bill Cosby. Mayor Quimby was a parody of Ted Kennedy. Even Nick Riviera was supposed to be Gabor Csupo! Having Michael Jackson exist in this universe and embodied in a sympathetic character (rather than a target of ridicule) was seriously “jumping the shark” in my opinion. I believed the show had done the unthinkable and it would prove fatal to the series.  

Of course I was wrong. The Simpsons goes on like a perpetual motion machine. But I couldn’t abide watching this wise and subversive show trample over its principles to star-fuck. Now of course, which celebrity HASN���T been on the Simpsons. As you may well know, “Stark Raving Dad” has been pulled from the series since the premiere of the HBO documentary “Leaving Neverland”, giving some credence to my long ago objection: sometimes it bites you on the ass.

“Black Widower” was my swan song. I remember meeting Kelsey Grammer at the table read and being mesmerized by his voice. He sounded just like Orson Welles. The act I boarded included Bob and Selma’s honeymoon. I wanted to give the staging a Hitchcockian influence with deep-focus, Z-axis compositions (like looking out of the fireplace, across the gas burner to Selma and Bob) and my first-ever use of DX (double exposed) shadows to provide menace. I thought that was my best work of the series.

One of my favourite early episodes is ‘Homer at the Bat’ which you storyboarded. What are your recollections on working on it? Did you get any specific notes when it came to the players?

“Homer” was my third “at bat” (pardon the pun) with Jim. He’s a baseball fan as I am, but he also PLAYED Chicago-Style Softball (baseball with a huge, soft ball). I’m a baseball fan too, but I felt I’d be exposed a dilettante due to my terminal lack of athleticism. I was assigned all three acts of the show as well! I really had to be on my game (again, pardon) and not miss any of the references. I reluctantly took him up on his offer playing in one of the Chicago-Style games one Saturday in Burbank. It was a sacrifice as I had to work weekends to keep up with the workload of this episode. I went with a fellow board artist, who’ll remain unnamed (to remain friends).  

It went terribly. At bat, I whiffed three pitches in a row, and Jim kept pitching more and more out of pity. I missed them all. He finally had to tell me to just give the bat to the next guy. In the outfield, I stunk just as badly. The piece-de-resistance was when my fellow board artist was at bat and swung hard on a pitch. He missed the ball AND dislocated his knee. I ran to him as he plopped down in agony onto home plate with his knee, shin and foot pointed in the wrong direction. “If my leg stays like this much longer, I think I’m gonna start crying,” he said through the pain.  After a terribly long moment, his shin and foot rotated snapped back into place. We hobbled off the field as Jim and his pals resumed the game. Could things have gone any worse? I was certain that Jim had no faith in me by that time. If so, he never said it. He was a laconic guy.  

I worked on it a hundred years ago so I don’t feel the pride I objectively should. The episode went against The Cosby Show and beat it in the ratings!  There’s even an exhibit in The Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, that I wasn’t aware of until I went there. No artist other than Matt is mentioned. It’s all about the writers and the players who voiced the show.

I still have the storyboards of Jose Canseco in the bathtub with Ms. Krabappel that Jose objected to and we had to cut. I’ll post them someday.

How do you reflect on your time working on the show? Do you ever watch those seasons and episodes back?

See below for details; but no. I haven’t watched the episodes I worked on or those seasons for decades. I haven’t watched any episodes after the 3rd season at all. I did see the movie.

The relationship between Klasky-Csupo and Gracie Films finished at the end of the third season, when Gracie decided to move production to Film Roman, what was your view of that situation?

With the handwriting on the wall that Fox might pull The Simpsons from Klasky-Csupo, the in-house producer Sherry Gunther countered by getting all us artists to sign a document tying us exclusively to Klasky-Csupo in an effort to block Fox access to the crew. That gambit didn’t dissuade Fox. They pulled the show anyway and took it to Film Roman. At the time, I wanted desperately to follow the show, but naively thought I couldn’t because I was bound by Sherry’s contract. Virtually everyone left Klasky-Csupo for Film Roman anyways; contract be damned.

The studio became a ghost town. I stayed, distressed that I had to work on Rugrats. However, I eventually concluded that being torn away from The Simpsons was the best thing for my creative growth. Wherein The Simpsons was written so well, closely supervised and finding its stride, The Rugrats scripts were mediocre and the gags not funny. Rugrats was a vacuum to fill and I was empowered to add gags and exercise Gabor’s mandate to really push the staging into warped and low-angled baby POVs that defined the series. It lacked the regimentation of The Simpsons and I exposed to all the other processes in making cartoons. On the Chanukah special I directed, I timed the animation, I even helped direct the voice talent and supervise animatic and final edit.

The Simpsons, like many prime-time animated shows, are dominated by writer/producers who closely control the creative aspects and the artists are more or less staying in their lanes.

After the Simpsons you were assigned to work on ‘Duckman’ where you directed eight episodes, what was the step up to direction like?

I didn’t go directly to Duckman. There was a period of boarding on Rugrats and assistant directing on two Edith-Ann specials for ABC. It was a sad time, something like being in purgatory, but one which I believe was necessary in retrospect.

Speaking of being in purgatory, here’s an anecdote. Klasky-Csupo was a bunch of empty rooms after the Simpsons left. I was working on Edith Ann one day and Gabor was walking a tour of potential clients through. I showed them what I was doing and then Gabor directed them to the next room; opening a door to usher them in, various large and small auto parts suddenly tumbled noisily out onto the floor. A car bumper, pieces of trim, a fender and hub-caps.  

You may ask why auto parts were in there? I’ll tell you: When Rich Moore worked there, his office overlooked the corner of Highland and Fountain avenues. Over time, he and his crew witnessed a lot of auto collisions on that corner. They would go and retrieve the parts left behind and hang them on the wall. Rich obviously left without taking his collection and somebody decided to hide them all in this room. Suffice to say, it didn’t look professional and I felt terrible for Gabor at that moment.

When I did become director, there was many moments of panic. I was used to storyboarding to my personal standard and quality that defined my aesthetic. Paradoxically, being a director meant losing close control. I had to depend on clearly communicating to the storyboard artists, quickly learning you can only tell artists so much before they “top-off” and forget what you said. No one took notes! It was all by memory! I always took notes as a board artist. A good board artist makes a director look good. There are far more mediocre storyboard artists than good ones; mainly because the good ones are promoted to directors (I feel the quality has improved over time). And I had to deal with freelancers for the first time. They are the guys that fill-in when there’s not enough staff artists. These people were usually moonlighting for extra money and end up storyboarding your show in the style of the show they were working on during the day. There just wasn’t enough time in the schedule to fix everything without working crazy hours. The Simpsons had layout. So storyboards didn’t have to be so precise and if something wasn’t staged right or acting out in storyboard, you could work with a layout artist in shorthand to correct it. Virtually my entire career has been absent layouts. They are very rare for TV nowadays. This makes the storyboard all the more important. The bar must be high; we call them “layout storyboards”; they need to be closer to model and the acting must be spot on.  

Animation timing was also something I had to get control of; At first, Duckman didn’t have a supervising timing director, who could maintain the quality and the timing aesthetics particular to the show. It was up to the director to check timing. I had almost no experience and it was a new show. No one person had the answers. I could review the timer’s work (so often a dreaded freelancer) and I could see it wasn’t at all right and I’d wholesale erase it, but then I panicked that I might have done more damage than good; suddenly in over my head. It took time, but I got it.

I believe that the director who masters his x-sheets is true master of his show.  I could add quality and personal aesthetics in a new dimension.

Does you background as a storyboard artist influence the way in which you direct?

Absolutely. In animation history, there were directors who didn’t storyboard or even draw. There were a few of these “dinosaurs” on Rugrats. They sat and read the paper when we boarded their shows. But because of the overseas process of animation and the loss of layouts here at home, if you are going to direct at all, you have to be comfortable drawing a detailed, informed layout storyboard. It is literally the blueprint of your show.

That said, I had to mature as a director who storyboarded. It was insane to try and board all my episodes personally, though directors will put some work aside for themselves, especially if its a sequence that would be too hard to delegate to another artist. If a sequence involves a new character, location or prop integral to the story, it may not be designed yet, so I’ll take it on and “feel it out;” designing as I board.

I had to learn how to be a good delegator and a clear communicator. I pitch sequences to the board artist before they begin and give them roughs of designs, poses or staging I think is important for the sequence. From my boarding experience, I don’t like directors who don’t tell you what they want until after you’ve drawn the storyboard. That wastes time and effort. And morale. I want the artists to know my take and hopefully that will inform the storyboard they do. I also know from my board experience that you should balance criticism with praise. Communicate what you like about how they do this and that before you go through critiquing the parts that aren’t working. Ultimately, you want to help the board artists be successful in storyboarding it their way, not my way. If it works, don’t change it just because it isn’t the way you’d do it. Lean into and support what they’ve done.

‘Duckman’ had a cavalcade of guest stars throughout the shows run, did you ever get to meet any of them, and if so, do you have a favourite encounter?

I was always of two minds regarding using live-action stars for animation. Yeah, it’s fun to meet them and some like Jason Alexander can knock-it-out-of-the-park, but sometimes this kind of “stunt casting” backfires. In my first episode, we used Crispin Glover in a stunt role as a crazed maniac with only one line. He showed up brandishing an eight inch hunting knife acting like a REAL maniac. Maybe it was method acting, but we were scared of him and got him in and out as fast as we could. His delivery didn’t work for the line and it spoiled the joke in my opinion, but it remained in the episode. If we used one of the legion of professional voice actors available, we could have worked with them for the perfect “voice” and delivery and nailed it.

We also used Teri Garr for an episode (not one I was directing) and I attended because I was a huge fan of hers. I got to see her behind the mike as she looked over her pages and said acidly, “This isn’t exactly Tolstoy, is it.” That is the opposite attitude you should have when you’re hired. She was soon pitching underwear afterwards...obviously not Tolstoy either.

So I’ll say it again: using celebrities can bite you on the ass.

Performances aside, I certainly did enjoy meeting legends. Carl Reiner played a priest in Noir Gang. Mind you we recorded in a small studio that was in the back of the Rugrats building that was essentially a cavernous storage room. Ed Asner looked visibly uncomfortable when we huddled around him in there. I’ll never forget the look on Marina Sirtis’ face when she arrived to record an episode. Me and a couple of other guys were laying in wait in this sketchy storage area eating our lunches. She was concerned: “is this the right place?” I felt like a lech and stopped going to records that I didn’t have to be at.

Overall, if the celebrity you’ve cast for a voice roll has theater experience, you are more likely to get a good vocal performance. Especially musical theater experience. They are more aware of their voice and have the tools. This goes for Jason and others like Tim Curry and Bebe Neuwirth; all great voice talent to have behind the mic.

You worked on the second run of Futurama, had you been a fan of the original seasons?

No. I didn’t watch the show before. I had to catch up and learn the “canon” when I was hired.

How did you get involved in working on Futurama?

The animating studio, Rough Draft, was something of a clique. They didn’t just hire “anybody” and unlike most studios, they maintain a staff of lifers who usually have the choice positions. I knew Peter Avanzino from our Simpsons days doing storyboards together, so he vouched for me. I was hired to direct on the 2nd season of Drawn Together. So they had a taste of what they could expect from me. I was no longer an unknown quantity when Futurama came around.

One of the eight episodes you directed was, ‘The Mutants are Revolting’, the shows hundredth episode. How special was it to work on such a landmark episode?

It had the most visibility of my episodes, at least internally. They made T-shirts and some publicity art and even the script had a nicer cover. But it was the episode with the most headaches. The scope of the story was huge with multiple set pieces. The opening newsreel, movie in a movie of the Land-Titanic, the asteroid delivery, the party at Planet Express, the riot in the sewers and the flood and “parting of the red sea” climax all required a ton of designs and characters; plus more hand-drawn and CG effects. That’s a lot to manage and marshall for a TV show. Most episodes don’t require the director to do this kind of heavy lifting. I find that when a show demands this much visually, the story ends up being more superficial, gag driven and episodic feeling. Such is the case for this episode. It was visually pumped up because it was representing the 100th episode; meaning I was saddled with managing lots of logistics rather than the usual character-based comedy and emotion of say, Tip of The Zoidberg, which is a relationship story that--as a director--I feel I give more time to flourish and shine with.

‘The Mutants are Revolting’ features some fantastic animation, most notably a brief sequence of Bender standing perfectly still as the Planet Express ship moves around him. Can you explain the challenges of a sequence like that?

That’s a good, insightful question. A shot like this shows off the resources Rough Draft has that aren’t available at just any other studio doing TV animation. The interior of the Planet Express Ship was built and animated in CG. At it’s gimbal point was a CG version of a stationary Bender; locked to field, but who’s feet move with the CG ship. Once the CG elements were approved, they were printed out as wire frame drawings printed onto pegged paper. My Assistant Director drew key poses of the characters on a separate layer in register with the CG print outs, old school on a light box animation disc. This all was sent to our overseas studio Rough Draft Korea for inbetweening and color of the characters only. That came back as an alpha-channeled digital file and layered over the CG animation in our digital compositing department.

Scott Vanzo runs the department and directs all the CG animation effects. I can’t remember who exactly built the interior of the PE ship and animated it, so I’ll rely on IMDb: Don Kim and Jason Plapp. But all the guys in the digital department do tremendous work and allowed us to fine tune a lot of animation (that doesn’t have CG in it); giving us the ability that raises the quality and takes the curse off of overseas animation limitations.

‘The Tip of the Zoidberg’ was nominated for a Primetime Emmy, how proud were you of that achievement and the episode itself?

The episode was one of my favorites; it was character focused and elaborating on canon so a director couldn’t ask for more. As for the Emmy nomination, it’s one of those show business awards that I realized early I can’t get emotionally vested in. The Futurama guys have a formula for figuring out which episode will be submitted. I think it has something to do with each writer getting a shot at the statue. And then from then on it’s just politics.

You’ve also done work on ‘Disenchantment’, giving you the distinction of having worked on all three of Matt Groening’s shows. What’s your relationship like with him?

I can’t help but laugh at this question. I’ve run into him twice out in public over the years and he didn’t recognize me. Once at the Moscow Cat Circus! But that humbling fact aside, he’s a genuinely nice, funny person devoid of pretence and he’s said some very complementary things about my work. However, it’s all business. Like virtually all primetime shows, he’s with the writers at their separate production office. Animation production takes place in a different geographical location. My face time is limited to usually 2-3 meeting points in a show’s schedule. Anything in between are fielded via emails routed through coordinators and assistants.

As well as short form animation you’ve been involved with several feature length productions, including ‘The Rugrats Movie’ and ‘Despicable Me’, what are the key differences between long from and short form animated projects?

I don’t think I’ve ever had a purely feature production experience. The Rugrats Movie(s) were spin-offs from TV series so some processes were grandfathered in from TV production. Despicable Me was truly off-the-wall in that the storyboard artists were working remotely from literally all over the world. No one met each other. I met with Chris Renaud once. I was not allowed to see the entire script, only pages here and there. It was called “Evil Me” at the time. I was truly working in the dark and ultimately, they didn’t use anything I drew. Which to me seemed par-for-the-course: this was one harebrained, inefficient, right-hand-doesn’t-know-what-the-left-hand-is-doing way to make a show. Again, I predicted it would fail. Again, I was wrong.

At the time I was working on Despicable Me, Gru looked like Snape from Harry Potter and there were no minions yet, just an “Igor” kind of 2nd banana that was a shorter version of the final Gru design.  

So my takeaway from those experiences is that I prefer TV production. You don’t have the luxury of a feature schedule, but there is less time for executives to get replaced, sundry monkey-business and creatives pulling the rug out from under you. However, TV is catching up in those regards. See below.

Do you have a scene or episode you’re particularly proud of working on?

I feel fulfilled and proud of directing and being supervising producer on Hey Arnold: The Jungle Movie. I was empowered to work in every aspect of the process and benefit from my experience to make it the smoothest running ship and happiest crew ever. Only at the very end did the executives get into overdrive meddling. But it ran well and looked good. It may not be as funny as my prime time stuff, but I think we elevated the material across the board; writing, design, animation quality. And it was a project put in mothballs 15 years before being resurrected. So it completes me in a way.

Ultimately, I believe work is about relationships and quality of life. The shows where you were empowered and respected and not overworked due to inefficiency are the shows I’m proud to work on. As Jim Duffy would always say, “It’s only a cartoon.”

Often sequences are cut or revised before broadcast. Do you have any favourites that didn’t make it in?

If I had, I’ve forgotten them.  

What are the biggest changes you’ve seen in the industry over your time and what do you think the next big change will be?

The trend seems to be as I get better and more efficient at my job, creators and writers (especially in streaming prime-time) are becoming more entitled, indecisive, mecurial and demanding. As processes have evolved in digital technology, we’ve opened the door for those in power indulging in more rewrites, revisions, reviews, etc. Despite the technical advancements, animation remains expensive and time intensive and good artists (especially in TV) have to work intelligently and diligently on tight schedules to produce funny, inspired, detail-oriented work. Rewrites and revisions burn out artists and make us feel like office machines and though our overlords pay for the last minute re-dos, they are often throwing out higher quality work for patchwork revisions that lower the overall quality of a show.

Who inspired you as a young animator and who do you look to now?

Ironically, I never saw myself becoming an animator. I did do some stop-motion on Super 8 as a kid. But that was because I didn’t have access to peers to act and help. What inspired me were live action directors with strong, individual styles: Orson Welles, Stanley Kubrick, Peter Greenaway and Terry Gilliam. I think of these guys in essence as “live-action-animation directors”. The stylization in their sequence planning, shot selection and composition as well as how production design integrates in their storytelling reminds me of how background design and art direction naturally occur in animation production.  

I’m sure there are new visionaries out there, but I’ve become so disenchanted with modern cinema, I rarely see new movies anymore. I find streaming TV much more interesting. Current movies strike me as self-consciously mannered and hyperactive. I find it endlessly fascinating looking back into cinema history before movies had to begin with three or four production company logos whooshing noisily about.

What advice would you give to people looking to break into the animation industry?

I’ve seen an improvement in the college educated animation students over the years. They seem to be of a higher intellectual standard than before. They aren’t as thrown by the rigors of schedule and they ALL can draw circles around me.  

Be original in your own work, but also be a craftsman (as opposed to purely an artist) who can take criticism neutrally and have the tools to fit in the grand scheme of a show that might challenge your personal aesthetics.  

Denis Sanders, a directing teacher I had in college said the director’s job is to be “an expert at all things”. In animation, that translates into intellegently knowing what to draw. If a character is looking under the hood of a car, know what an internal combustion engine looks like and what reasonable pieces you can have your character toss out of said engine. The distributor, the carburettor. Find and use reference! Go that extra step and inform your work with the texture of reality.

Don’t regurgitate old tropes. A trite example of what I’m talking about: If a character is peeking at another, avoid the obvious keyhole in the door trope. Keyholes aren’t in doors anymore. It’s been a cliche from the beginning of cinema. Rather, crack the door open, slide your cellphone under the door, look through a window or punch a hole in the door and look in. Like I said, this is a trite example, but making non-obvious choices rather than knee-jerk non-choices makes cartoons fresh and funnier.

What animated shows do you currently watch and what’s your opinion on the current state of animation?

It’s a terrible admission, but I’m not watching anything in animation. There’s a lot of animation that seems to be just writer-driven, animated live-action sit-coms. There isn’t a reason for them to be animated. Those are the kind of jobs I get offered a lot. It seems like a more trouble than it’s worth.

Who are some young animators you think we should be looking out for?

Gosh, I don’t know.

What projects are you currently working on?

I’m productively unemployed at the moment.

Where can people follow you on social media?

I only do tumblr: mashymilkiesinc.tumblr.com

[let-it-raines]

Catch Me If You Can (10/?)

298 days. That’s how long Killian Jones was away from a baseball field. It’s less than a year, only part of a season for him, but it might as well have lasted a decade as he alternated between physical therapy and spending an excessive amount of time sitting on his couch.

But then he came back and won the World Series.

It’s something no one saw coming, and it’s certainly not something anyone who knows about his arm would predict. Now it’s a new season with new possibilities, and anything could happen. On-field reporter Emma Swan will be there to cover it all even if she is not his biggest fan right now.

Asking her out live on-air will do that.

Rating: Mature

A/N: Happy Day, you guys! I’m giving you a quick update here! I hope you enjoy!

Thank you to @resident-of-storybrooke for being a really awesome beta❤️

Found on AO3: Beginning | Current

Tumblr: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 

Tag list: @royalswan @shey-starsfury @sals86 @iam2307 @ashley-knightingale  @karenfrommisthaven @skyewardolicitycloisdelena91 @scientificapricot @captswanis4vr @emmas-storybook @ultimiflos @jamif @idristardis @nikkiemms @resident-of-storybrooke @tiganasummertree @wellhellotragic @bmbbcs4evr @onceuponaprincessworld @jennjenn615 @mayquita @captainsjedi @teamhook @kmomof4 @ekr032-blog-blog @ultraluckycatnd @cs-forlife @andiirivera @jonirobinson64 @mariakov81 @galaxyzxstark @qualitycoffeethings @thejollyroger-writer

-/-

Emma: Do you know if we’re getting food on this flight?

Killian:It’s seven thirty in the morning.

Emma: And your point? That’s breakfast time.

Emma: I usually stock up on snacks because I am a bottomless pit, but I didn’t have time to this morning. Do you have anything?

Killian: I have an apple. I can very clearly see that Rob has a box of Wheat Thins in his backpack though. You want me to smuggle some for you?

Emma: How would that even work?

Killian: Easy. I steal the box from Rob and then chunk it three rows up to you.

Emma: That won’t be obvious at all.

Killian: I’m very stealthy, love.

“It’s not even eight in the morning,” Robin groans, reaching for the lever on his seat to recline back in the very little space that they’re given. “Who in the world are you texting that much?”

“Liam,” he lies, heat rising to his cheeks. He has texted Liam this morning, but he’s most definitely not texting his brother right now. It’s a half-truth, really. “He’s trying to nail me down for some dinner plans once we get back home. I haven’t gotten to see them much lately, and he and Elsa always get antsy whenever that happens.”

“You’re pretty much their third child.”

“I feel like I’m their third child but also your second.”

“No,” Robin huffs, reaching down into his bag to grab his crackers, “that’s most definitely Will.”

“I can hear you,” Will mumbles from the seat in front of them as he stretches out and snuggles further into his pillow. Will could sleep on any plane at any time. It’s damn impressive. “And I’m not a child just because you all feel the need to baby me, Professor Jones.”

“So not a child but a baby then?” he teases.

Will sticks his middle finger up in between the seats, not even bothering to open his eyes as he murmurs, “fuck off.”

“I love you too, man.”

“Don’t worry,” Robin placates, a smirk on his face, “he’s only mean to you because he likes you.”

“That’s a load of bullshit.”

“For me, yeah, because I say things when I feel them.” Will pops his head in between the seats, his eyes widened but sleep heavy now. “But I think Emma is so pissy toward you because she does actually think you’re hot.”

Woah. Where did that even come from?

“Is that what she said?” he questions like he’s a fifteen-year-old boy worried about Chrissy Stephens liking him back and not like a grown man who knows that the woman he fancies is also interested in him.

What a world that he lives in that Emma Swan is interested in him.

That or she’s been very good at faking it for the last two weeks. God, he hopes that she hasn’t been faking it, but that seems like a hell of a lot of effort when they’ve talked nearly every day. Sometimes it’s just a few texts, a passing word in the hallway, an interview or a press conference question. Other times it’s a phone call late at night or Emma dropping by his place for an hour to eat dinner. He can tell that she’s still terrified by the whole thing, nervous energy practically radiating off of her when she first starts talking to him, but once they get into the groove of things, he believes that she feels comfortable.

Her wanting this and being willing to try is beyond his wildest dreams, and a part of him still thinks he’s going to be hit in the head with a baseball and wake up from whatever kind of concussion-induced dream that he’s under.

So much shit has gone down in his life, things from years past still haunting him, and he’s clinging to this good thing even if it’s far too early for any of that. He hasn’t done this relationship thing in a long time, and he’s still not entirely sure that’s what it is. They haven’t talked about it, and he imagines Emma is not going to be the person to bring it up first.

If ever.

They could be getting married, and she still might not want to discuss things.

Woah, woah, woah. That is thinking too far ahead for about a million different reasons. He is not going there.

Will’s eyes narrow at him, thick brows pushing together all the while Killian can practically feel Robin’s stare covering every inch of him. “Why do you care?”

He shrugs, his fingers fidgeting with the window shade to let some light in before immediately shutting that away. “I like to know what’s being said about me.”

“She’s sitting right up there. Why don’t you ask her, Professor Jones?”

“Because that sounds like a dumbass idea that will get me in all kinds of trouble.”

“It’s true,” Robin sighs. “You should not be talking to Emma Swan about anything other than baseball.”

His heart drops into his right calf at that. He didn’t know that was possible, but it is. Why would Robin think something like that?

“Why not?”

“Because you don’t want to piss her off anymore. She could flip the narrative on you so quickly that you’d get whiplash and all the sudden you’d be back to who you were four years ago.”

His defenses rise, words on the tip of his tongue at the ready to defend Emma. He doesn’t like that Robin thinks she would do that. They’ve all spent time around Emma. They know that even if she can be a little guarded, she’s got their best interests at heart. Even when they’ve screwed up, him especially, she’s never done anything to wrong them.

“That wouldn’t happen. She’s a professional. You know that. She’s not going to pull shit like that,” he says quietly, wondering how in the world he can change this conversation to something else so as not to show all of the metaphorical cards in his hands. “Can I have some of those crackers, Rob?”

Robin eyes him for a moment before handing him the box. Killian doesn’t even really want these, but he’s thankful for them as the conversation dies down and Will goes back to sleeping after under two minutes of trying and Robin keeps watching his movie, typing a long text to Carol for something having to do with Roland. He doesn’t want to pry, so he tries not to look, reluctantly eating the Wheat Thins before snapping a picture of them and sending it to Emma.

Killian: I can throw these across the plane if you’re ready to catch them.

Emma: Hit me with your best shot.

Emma: Not really.

Emma: Please don’t throw food on the plane. I saw that there are snacks in the back, and I’m going to pilfer them.

Before he knows it, he sees Emma’s blonde head rise up as she gets out of her seat and walks down the aisle past him. She doesn’t look at him, her eyes staring straight ahead, but that doesn’t keep him from looking as she sweetly asks a flight attendant for a packet of cookies. It looks like she’s learned since the last time they flew.

When she comes back toward him, he turns in his seat and goes back to flipping through the movies, pretending like he wasn’t just staring her down. Hopefully she didn’t notice that. She may like him, but everyone has their limits.

Emma: The red-headed flight attendant thinks you’re hot.

Killian: I’ve been reliably told that you think the same thing, and I care much more about that.

Emma: Who told you that?

Killian: You’re not the only one who can have sources.

Emma: At least mine are reliable.

Killian: So you don’t think I’m hot?

Emma: I didn’t say that.

Killian: I knew you thought I was sexy, Swan. You flatter a man.

Emma: Shut up and eat your Wheat Thins.

-/-

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fucking hell.

Small pinpricks of pain are spreading down his arm while his shoulder stings. Someone might as well be out here stabbing him with a knife. It would likely be less painful than this.

Not again.

Not tonight.

He’s been doing so well, his shoulder not bothering him, all of his physical therapy working to keep his muscles strengthening and his body in check, and then shit like this happens. There’s no way he can make it past the inning, and even if he wasn’t about to call it, he knows that Al is going to pull him off the mound in no less than three minutes with how many runs he’s giving up.

It’s…not good. They’re down 2-8 in the bottom of the fourth, and he might as well be dying out here under the Florida sunshine and the humidity that has his bones weighing twice their normal weight. Spring Training never prepares him for this when it’s this muggy outside.

He might as well be in a damn swamp. Tropicana field sounds so cheery, so pleasant, but he’s dying inside. Why the hell do teams agree to name their fields things like Tropicana and Minute Maid? How much exactly are they getting paid to suffer like that?

How much is he getting paid to suffer like this?

Taking a deep breath, he tries to focus on what’s in front of him. That’s all he can do when his body is failing him like this, and with a quick windup, he releases the ball from his grip and watches it fly right into Will’s glove.

Strike three. Byrd’s out.

Immediately, he jogs to the dugout, opening the small gate and going straight for the water cooler, gulping down a cup before pouring himself another one and covering his head to try to cool himself down. He’s so damn mad at himself for playing like this, for having a body that’s failing him when his body has always been his livelihood and the thing he maintained with precision and dedication, and all he wants is to punch every single member of the Rays even though none of them have ever actually wronged him.

Anger takes its way out in strange places.

“You’re done, Jones,” Al tells him, his voice clipped.

“Good.”

He tosses his cup to the ground in annoyance and turns to make his way to the bench, figuring he’ll suffer out here for a little while longer, only to see Emma standing with her bottom lip tugged between her teeth and her phone in her hand.

Right.

She’s sitting in the dugout with them tonight recording videos and doing fun little segments for her Instagram and Twitter, and he’s probably looked like an ass in all of them.

Because he is an ass.

“You okay?” she mouths.

He doesn’t respond with more than a shake of his head no before he’s turning away and heading toward the tunnels that will take him back to the locker room so he can get this damn shoulder massaged and have Archie yell at him once again for trying to keep all of this under wraps.

-/-

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Killian sighs into his phone as he runs the towel over his waist, drying his body as much as he can before knotting it over his hip. His brother doesn’t seem to understand that people are busy and life is busy and maybe he wants to shower for fifteen minutes simply so everyone will leave him alone.

It’s been three hours since he left the field after the game, and it’s still not enough time to let him simmer in his thoughts.

“Are you sure because you kept grimacing and – ”

“I know what happened, Liam. God, I…” He runs his hands through his damp hair, water droplets falling over his face and tracing the lines where the beginnings of a sunburn are forming. “My shoulder hurt today. You know it, and I know it. There’s no point in denying it. I just don’t want to talk about it anymore when I already got my ass handed to me by Archie and Al.”

“I’m worried about you,” Liam laments, the sound of his television in the background. The girls should be asleep by now, so it must be Elsa sitting quietly listening in to their conversation while she pretends that she isn’t. He doesn’t know why she does that when she and Liam don’t keep anything to themselves when it comes to him, their honorary third child. “You have been nothing but healthy you’re entire life, and then I convinced you to go sailing with me and – ”

“Please do not blame yourself for that accident anymore.”

“Why not? I’m the one who insisted we go on the weekend trip. I’m the one who – ”

“For fuck’s sake, Liam, it’s not your fault. The drunks who ran into us are the only people who have any kind of fault. We probably should have died that day, and we didn’t. I just got a fucked-up arm. I’ll take that over anything else. You don’t have to act like you’re my father taking responsibility for all of my actions.”

The moment he says the words, he regrets them.

How could he not?

Comparing Liam to their father is the absolute last thing that he wants to do. Liam, even with his faults and his judgmental ways, is nothing like Brennan. Brennan Jones never cared unless it benefitted himself, and Liam cares because it’s what good family does. It’s what people who love each other do.

His brother is the greatest man that he knows, and yet here he is taking all of his anger out on him because he can’t always play the sport that he loves like he used to.

“Our father never took any responsibility for our actions.”

“God,” he groans, running his hands through his hair again and yanking at the strands, “I don’t know why I said that. I just – ”

“You’re angry right now.” The way Liam says the words calmly, like they’re talking about the weather or a lunch up on the rooftop of his building, weirdly calms him down and makes his heart beat a little less erratically. “I would be angry too if the accident had kept me from doing something I love the way I had done it before. You got hurt, and I got a small scar on my knee. It’s not fair, and you can be angry. Just…don’t let that anger ruin your relationship with others.”

“I hate that you’re so wise sometimes.”

“It’s only some of the time,” Elsa pipes in, confirming his thought that she was in there simply listening in. “He’s an idiot most of the time, actually, and it drives me insane that the girls think he is the smartest man alive.”

“Hi, Els,” he laughs, opening the door to the bathroom to let some of the steam out and walking back into his hotel room. “You should really announce yourself before you start listening in on a conversation. I know you’re there.”

“Yeah, but I don’t want you to think I’m too nosy.”

Killian barks out a laugh at that because there’s no other word he could describe Elsa as other than nosy at this moment. Compassionate and kind also come to mind, but right now she’s nosy.

Shuffling through the room, he sits down at the edge of the bed, the mattress dipping down underneath his weight, and picks up the remote to turn the television if only because he wants some background noise, so he doesn’t get too lost in his own thoughts.

“You and my brother are a packaged deal, darling,” he sighs, “and Addy and Lucy. I know that you are all far too much into my business.”

“It’s only because we care, little brother.”

“Younger, you asshole.”

“Language,” Elsa scolds.

“I’m twenty-eight years old and sitting in a hotel room by myself. I think I can say the word asshole.”

“Sorry, force of habit.”

“You’re such a mom,” he groans, falling back against the mattress, his towel coming undone the slightest bit.

“I did not push those two children out of my vagina to go by any other name.”

“Oh my God, stop. I don’t like to think about how those two were created.”

“Killian, childbirth is natural.”

“I’m talking about the creating, not the delivering.”

Liam and Elsa both start coughing before their coughs turn into laughter, the two of them sputtering and bickering back and forth with each other, and he sits up on the bed and starts mindlessly flipping through the channels until he finds a Dodgers game. Why is he watching baseball when he’s trying to get away from it all?

Because it is his life.

“You know, little  brother,” Liam chokes out, emphasizing the little because he is, indeed, an asshole, “if you had a girlfriend, you would probably feel more comfortable talking about sex.”

“I am perfectly comfortable talking about sex. Just not yours.”

“I know but – ”

There’s a knock at the door, and he feels like he’s saved by the bell (or the knuckles) at the sound, not really wanting to have this conversation with Liam even if he goaded them into it and if it’s more pleasant than talking about his shoulder.

“Hey, guys,” he starts, already getting up and tying his towel a little tighter around his waist, “there’s someone at my door. I have to go. I’ll call you tomorrow, yeah?”

“Let us know if you need to talk,” Elsa sighs, quietly echoed by Liam. “We love you.”

“Love you guys too.”

He hangs up the phone and places it on his dresser before crossing the room and looking through the peephole to see who is knocking on his door.

It’s Emma.

She’s standing just outside his door in an oversized white sweater and a pair of leggings, her hair pulled up in a messy bun, and he can tell by the way that she’s unable to stand still that she’s anxious. Immediately, he twists all of the locks and swings open the door, catching it before it slams into the wall.

“Swan,” he smiles, already reaching forward and tugging her inside, looking from side to side in the hallway to make sure no one is around.

“Hey, so I – ”

He stops her before she can finish her sentence, closing the door behind them and quickly dipping his head down to slide his lips over hers, just the barest hint of a touch in greeting but enough to make all of his body begin to stand at attention.

“Hi,” he whispers when he pulls back.

Emma’s lashes flutter as she looks up at him, a little redness of her cheeks. “Hi. I’m guessing you don’t mind that I dropped by then.”

“Truthfully, I’m very upset about it.”

“You’re a liar,” she laughs, adjusting the bag that she’s holding. Wow, he didn’t even notice the bag. His mind is all over the place tonight. “You’re also not wearing any clothes. Why are you not wearing any clothes?”

A shiver runs down his spine as Emma’s eyes glance over him, very obviously cataloging his body in the same way that he’s done to hers in the past. The room is more heated, the steam from the bathroom permeating into the bedroom, and he knows that it would be so damn easy to step a little bit more into Emma’s space and capture her mouth with his as his hands explored her body the way that her eyes are exploring him. It would be so damn easy to forget about the difficulties of this day, to forget about the ache in his shoulder, and let his body do all of the talking that it couldn’t do today.

He could prove that his body still works, that he can still do good with it, that he can still bring himself pleasure, bring Emma pleasure.

…but he can’t do that. Not yet.

It’s not the right time when he’s riddled in self-doubt and frustration, and even if Emma was ready, he wants to do this right. He doesn’t want to use her and his affections for her to make him forget everything for a night.

They need more time to get to know each other.

When the hell was the last time he wanted to get to know a woman well before he slept with her?

Why would he even ask himself that question when he knows the answer?

“Well, darling,” he finally sighs, backing up from her to give himself room to breathe all the while he makes sure to flash her a grin, “I did this thing called showering, and I don’t often do it with clothes.” “That’s smart. It’d probably get a little messy like that.”

“Most definitely. What’s in the bag?”

“Oh,” she gasps, her shoulders shrugging up the slightest bit as her eyes light up, the darkness turning back to light green. “So, I didn’t mean to be presumptuous or whatever by coming here, but you didn’t seem to have the best day, and I figured I would bring you, like, a snack or whatever to help you out. Then I thought maybe I could stay for a bit, but if you want to tell me to fuck off, I can be back in my room in a minute.”

How in the world does he find everything she does so charming? He was in a piss-poor mood, still is, and even though he wasn’t exceptionally friendly to her when she was doing interviews in the locker room, she’s being more than kind to him.

“Love, the absolute last thing I would do is tell you to fuck off. I’m glad you decided to come see me even if I don’t know how you know my room number.”

She winks before turning around and placing the paper bag down. “You’re not the only one who knows how to charm people to get information.”

“Apparently not. What kind of spoils have you brought me?”

“Totally ignoring the fact that you said spoils,” she laughs, pulling out a bag of salt and vinegar chips and then several snack cakes. And then one banana which doesn’t seem to fit at all. “But I raided a vending machine and also the hotel front desk for the banana, and figured maybe we could pig out a bit since I know for a fact both of us are going running tomorrow.”

“Do you have strawberry short cakes in that pile?”

He steps closer to her, and she holds up a package of Pop-Tarts, strawberry flavored. “Is this close enough?”

“Only because we’re in a pinch.” Killian takes it out of her hand, and tosses it over to the bed before picking up his bag of clothes and sliding it into the bathroom. “I’m just going to put on some pants and then we’ll – ”

There’s another knock on his door, and this time he’s not saved by the bell. He doesn’t want this conversation to end. Emma stops what she’s doing, dropping the chips she’s holding back onto the desk, and she turns to look at him with wide eyes and parted lips, panic written across all of her features.

“What do we do?” she whispers, her voice probably echoing from here all the way back up to the east coast.

“I’m just going to ignore it,” he says quietly, stepping back over to the door to look to see who it is. “Oh shit.”

“What?” Emma whispers, stepping closer only for him to hold out his arm in front of her.

There’s another knock, this time really more of a pounding, and then Ariel’s voice comes through the wood. “I know you’re in your room, Killian. Open the door.”

Emma’s eyes widen even more, and if he wasn’t currently freaking out over what to do, he’d laugh at the comic relief over the whole thing. “Get in the bathroom, love.”

She nods her head, quickly picking up the food she brought in and scrambling into the bathroom, closing the door behind her at the same time that he opens his hotel door, his hand furiously scratching at his ear.

“What, A?”

“Well, that’s a way to greet me.” She immediately moves past him and into the room, never one for understanding personal space. “Why do you have a package of Pop-Tarts on your bed?”

“I got it from the vending machine,” he lies, closing his door behind her and walking back over to his bed. “I was hungry but didn’t feel like ordering anything in. Why are you here? Where’s Eric?”

Ariel rolls her eyes and stretches out onto his bed, picking up the remote and immediately changing the TV from the game he was watching. “Believe it or not, I am capable of being in a separate space than my husband.”

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

She simply waves him away. “Whatever. I just wanted to check on you. I know you get all moody after losses, and you didn’t come join everyone for dinner. Also, can you put some clothes on while we have this conversation? I love you, but I don’t need to see every bit of you.”

“You’re the one who came barging into my room,” he groans as his mind runs through about fifteen scenarios on how to get Ariel out of his room, “but fine. I’ll go change.”

Killian steps away from his bed and walks the few steps to the bathroom door, quietly opening it up and immediately shutting it behind him in case Ariel for some reason decided to move behind him.

This is by far the weirdest thing that has happened to him this year. He’s hiding his girlfri – he’s hiding Emma in his hotel bathroom.

And she’s sitting on the countertop with her legs crossed over each other eating the bag of chips like that’s not the loudest food she could have chosen.

“What are you doing?” she hisses. Putting the chips down.

“Ariel has requested I put on some clothes.”  

“But there’s no place for me to move in here so you can do that.”

Killian rolls his eyes at her flustered movements and far too loud hushed voice. It’s what has him turning on the sink before he leans forward and presses a kiss to Emma’s cheek. “I can slip my sweatpants on under my towel. I promise I’m not going to scar you.”

“You wouldn’t scar me. I just – ”

He reaches down to his bag, grabbing a pair of pants and pulling them on underneath his towel, his mind fighting with him to think of every delicious and dirty thought about having Emma in the shower, and tugs them up before dropping his towel to the ground and finding a t-shirt to wear. How is his bag so disorganized?

“What was that now, love?”

“Nothing,” she hisses, blushing. “How long am I supposed to stay in here? I’m kind of freaking out.”

“You’ve got food, water, and a bathroom. I think you’ll be good for a week or two.”

“Asshole.”

“I try.” He flashes her a grin before leaning forward and quickly gliding his lips over hers and tasting the salt and vinegar of her kiss. Damn does he love that he can do that. “I’ll try to get her to leave as soon as possible, okay? Be quiet on your chip eating.”

Emma scrunches up her nose before sticking her tongue out at him and grabbing another chip with one hand while the other turns the faucet off. He sighs, amused and exasperated all at once, before opening the bathroom door and stepping out only to find Ariel eating the Pop-Tarts.

He kind of wanted those even if there are a million better ways to consume five hundred calories.

“Why’d you turn your water on?”

“Didn’t want you to hear me pee.”

“Fair enough.” She shrugs her shoulders and pats the spot on his bed next to her. He takes the small desk chair instead. “Tell me why you’re in such a bad mood.”

“I’m not.”

“Liar.”

“I’m not a liar.”

(He is a liar.)

“Okay,” Ariel murmurs as she takes another bite, “so if you’re not in a bad mood, would you at least like to explain why you didn’t come to dinner?”

He swivels in the chair a bit, his legs antsy to tap and stay moving, but that’ll make him seem anxious to Ariel. That’s the last thing that he wants when he is, indeed, anxious for her to get out of the room.

“I – I felt like I let everyone down today,” he admits, leaving out his own self-loathing about his injury. Half-truths. He’s always speaking in half-truths. “I played a shitty game. I was in a bad mood. I was awful company and didn’t want anything to do with anyone. So, I kind of figured I’d come back here and work that out on my own instead of making everyone else miserable.”

“Killian Jones, you know for a fact that we are not miserable around you. At least Eric and I aren’t. Neither are Robin or Will or even August. The only person who would take issue with you being all pissy is Arthur and that’s because he’s got his own set of issues.”

He scoffs and closes his eyes as he stretches his legs out. She’s right. He knows that she is because she’s always right. She’s basically another version of Elsa in that aspect.

“I know. I’m…you know how I get, A. I’ll be fine. Tomorrow, I’ll come to whatever team-mandated meal you arrange.”

“That’s all I ask.” She rises from the bed, picking up the Pop-Tart she hasn’t eaten, and walks over to him to briefly press her lips against his temple. “I’m going to let you wallow, okay? But tomorrow after you’ve finished your practice, we have to talk about your calendar for the rest of May and June. I’ve got some charity stuff lined up for you.”

“I will be at your beck and call.”

“As you should be. Text me if you need anything, okay?”

“Will do.”

Ariel nods her head and smiles before walking out the door, letting it slam shut behind her. Letting out a sigh of relief, he places his face in his hands and simply takes a moment to breathe and let his mind stop racing about how horrible of a human being he is for lying to everyone.

He’s the worst, isn’t he? He has to be.

When he’s finished with his little pity party, he sits up and raises his fist to the wall, banging on it to let Emma know that she can come out of the bathroom.

The door clicks, and she emerges, flipping the locks on his door and then walking toward him, stepping into his space until he’s pulling her in by the hips to stand in the open space between his legs, his head resting against her stomach.

Maybe he’s not quite finished with his pity party.

“So,” Emma hums, her feet moving into his line of vision as her hands scratch at that back of his head, which may very well be the best fucking feeling in the world, “apparently everyone in the world knows you’re in a bad mood, and you don’t want to talk to any of us about it.”

“Do you want to talk every time you’re in a bad mood?”

“Hell no.”

“Exactly.” He leans back in the chair, the loss of her touch immediate. “I think I just…you want to watch a movie with me or something?”

“Can I pick it out?”

“Yeah, Swan, you can.”

They settle down onto the mattress, pulling the thin sheet that’s at the bottom of the bed over them instead of settling under the covers, and Emma tucks herself into his side so that her head rests on his collarbone and her hand is covering his stomach, a leg tucked between his. In all of the time they’ve spent together in the past two weeks, he thinks this is the most comfortable she’s ever been around him.

He likes it.

It’s…refreshing. He keeps thinking that, thinking about how this is so different than how he’s been the past few years. If he was with a woman, it was to sleep with her, to scratch an itch. It was not to settle down and watch Men in Black because despite insisting that she wanted to pick the movie, Emma refused to let him pay for them to rent a newer movie.

And obviously he wants to sleep with Emma, his mind racing with thoughts of what exactly that would be like to do to her, but he’s good just like this.

This is by far the best part of his day, and Florida isn’t seeming like such a hell hole anymore as his fingers play with the wisps of her hair that have fallen out of her bun and her hands toy with his mom’s ring that’s fallen outside of his t-shirt. He doesn’t even think she realizes that she’s doing it.

“The ring was my mom’s.”

Emma stops her movements, her fingers stilling, before looking up at him, her face only lightened by the glow of the television now that the sun has set, and everything is covered in darkness. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to mess with it.”

“Swan, it’s fine,” he promises, reaching down to take her hand and place it back against his chest and against the ring. He smiles a little, the left side of his lips curving up, to try to reassure her of the fact that it is fine. He doesn’t mind. “I simply figured you wanted to know why I wear a ring around my neck. Wouldn’t want you to think I’m secretly married.”

“Well, I wasn’t thinking that until right about now.”

Later. He’ll tell her about Milah later. He can already tell that he’s about to tell her too much about his family tonight. She doesn’t need to know about his ex-girlfriend too.

“I wouldn’t do that.”

“I know.” She pats his chest and readjusts herself so that she can look at him a little better. How are her eyes so green? “So, tell me about your mom. If you want to.”

“Her name was Amelia,” he starts out, scooting down a little further so that he and Emma are nearly eye to eye, “and she was just…she was amazing. I have a terrible memory, so I don’t remember much, but I remember that she had this red hair that would make Ariel jealous and this big belly laugh that kind of reminds me of Liam. I don’t – I guess I never thought about it before, but she was really into baking, which is probably why I eventually came around to it. That’s likely the only thing I got from her other than the red in my beard.”

He knows that it’s not true, that he is more like her than he’s willing to admit, but it’s not what he usually thinks about. It’s not what Liam talks about either even though he was seventeen when she died.

“How did she – ”

“Cancer,” he murmurs, tracing Emma’s pointer finger until he lifts their hands and treads his fingers through hers, squeezing their hands together. “It was very sudden, not a lot of time to say goodbye, you know?”

Emma presses forward and brushes a kiss to his knuckles. He’s sure it’s because no one ever knows what to say that, and Emma is likely no exception. “She would be so proud of you, I think. I know that’s probably overstepping my boundaries to say that, but I don’t see how anyone could not be proud of you for working so hard to achieve your dreams and for being so good to your family.”

Maybe she’s the exception then.

He’s not sure that his mom would be proud of him, not lately.

“Thank you, darling. I’m not sure if that’s true, but thank you.”

Emma’s brows pinch, her lips pursing. “How could that not be true, twenty-nine?”

Because he’s a self-loathing bastard who can never seem to bury his demons even when he needs to.

“Do you want to know part of the reason why I was in such a shitty mood today?”

He can’t tell her the full truth, but the half truth seems okay today.

“Only if you want to tell me.”

He gulps, nodding his head and inching further down to bed to tangle his legs with Emma’s and nearly brush his nose against hers. He’s twenty-eight, but there’s something akin to a childlike belief running through him that nothing can invade the quietness of this hotel room right now.

“I haven’t spoken to my father since I was nineteen years old,” he admits, bringing their hands up to rest between their chests. “That seems like a shitty thing to do when I was only down to one parent, but my dad is an asshole, you know? He was the one who signed me up to play little league ball, and every single day I was outside running or practicing my batting or pitching once I changed to that track. He pushed me so damn hard, which I always thought was a good thing, until I’d lose a game or be a minute slow on my run and he’d make me do everything all over again. I was eleven, and the man had me on a meal plan to make sure I was developing with the sole purpose of playing ball.”

He takes a breath, blinking away the tears that aren’t there but might as well be.

“He became obsessed. Completely and totally obsessed. And since Liam was long gone from the house, he was my only influence. I did what he said when he said it and played it off as it all being part of the game that I loved. But he pushed and pushed and pushed until I hated waking up every day. He screamed at me, calling me a pathetic fucker, told me that I was ruining his life by not being good enough. It was just this constant stream of hatred spewing out of his mouth, and when I got to Vandy, he started betting on my games, started taking bribes and offers and so many things that could have taken the game away from me forever. He’s a piss poor excuse for a dad, and it took me nineteen years to realize that I didn’t have to be subjected to his shit. So, I just…I cut him off. Liam and I both did. And today I – I was mad about how I played, and I took it out on Liam by saying he was not my father and some other stuff. That always kind of spirals us, and that’s why I was so annoyed when you first got here.”

That was too much.

That was far too much.

Killian should have kept his mouth shut, should have never let all of that out even if it’s skimming the surface. Emma likely already thinks he’s insane, that he’s got enough issues, and he just revealed so many more.

Good things in his life do not stay, and Emma is most definitely a good thing.

And he’s not even telling her about his arm.

“Your dad is a fucking asshole,” she spits, untangling their hands and running her palms up over the skin at his neck until she’s softly gliding her thumb underneath his eye. “I can’t imagine how much that has to mess you up in your mind. He took something you loved and twisted it. He was not what a parent should be, and you have every right to be upset about that. I’ve never met Liam, but I know that he loves you and that he understands how you tick. I’m sure he’s not mad at you for being upset with him when he understands your anger was coming from something else.”

Tell her, tell her, tell her.

His mind is screaming at him, but he can under no circumstances tell her everything. Not about Milah, not about his arm, not about all of his thoughts and feelings.

In time.

He’ll tell her in time.

They’re so early in this thing that they’re doing, and even if it’s been awhile for him, he knows that two weeks in is not the time to dumb every bit of baggage that he’s carrying.

“Thank you, love,” he sighs, closing his eyes and pressing forward to slowly guide his lips over hers, another silent thank you for simply being here. It’s nice to have someone on the road with him. Honestly and truly. “I’m sure this is not how you imagined this night going.”

“What?” Emma laughs, a tentative smile curling on her lips. “You think I didn’t come in here expecting you to tell me about your shitty dad as we watch Will Smith kill some aliens? I feel like that’s a pretty normal night.” “So this is normal for you then?”

“Staying in bed as much as possible?”

“Absolutely.”

He hums, inching closer and closer to her so that their foreheads brush together and his nose is pressing into her cheek as he speaks. “I think I’ll have to keep that in mind.”

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S2 Ep 31: You Can’t Spell Marriage Without Mai

First off, when I got to this episode, I turned to my bro and said “WHAT” and he said “Right? This episode is the best. It’s all down from here” and I was like “YOU SAID THAT TWO EPISODES AGO” so now I know Bro can never be trusted.

If you had told me the plot of this episode before I watched it, I’d say “no, that is Mario Party Fanfiction, and you’ve changed all the names.” That is where this episode went.

Does Mario Party Fanfic exist? Quick Google search, one moment. Dear Lord. OK, I’m back.

Now guys I want you to know that every time a ship comes up in Yugioh, I write like...10k words about it, math equations appearing around my head, as I try to figure out what the freakin hell anyone is even doing and if the writers even know what they’re doing, and I’ll just promptly delete it. I just want you to know the service I do for you. Every time it comes up I start ranting about what the hell an ancient Egyptian would even understand about modern romance and then I stop myself and go “No! Focus!” and I’ll Ctrl-A and I’ll just *delete* and feel a burden lift off my shoulders and into the ceiling like a prayer.

And then this episode happened?

And I’m just like...

...

well I TRIED to spare you.

Please admire how many people they stuffed into Mai’s very small convertible. I half expected them to drive up to Kiki’s Delivery Service.

In case you’ve also forgotten something that happened 40 episodes ago, Mai saved Joey last season by giving him a McGuffin as well as a gross ass handkerchief (which he doesn’t have anymore, the whole 'will they ever return the gross ass handkerchief’ plotline seems to have left the building) and finally, here, halfway through S2 we’re going to actually address why Mai would have any compassion for this bundle of awful kids.

I mean, Joey is still in high school and Mai is like 24 (although some say 44???) so I’m pretty sure they were trying to make it seem platonic or motherly between these two but eh, I don’t even know with this show, man. I mean she and Joey are 8 years apart but Serenity is 4 years Tristan’s junior despite Mokuba being 1 year younger than her and like right there. (Mokuba’s like 12 by the way, something surprising I found out when I did a Google Deep Dive on everyone’s canonical weight a few episodes ago.) And then Pharaoh is like either 5000 or 16-ish depending on who’s asking, so age doesn’t seem to be ever an inhibiting factor in this show.

But as is Yugioh tradition, any space that could possibly be filled with any growth between a boy and a girl--even platonically--must be absolutely derailed by something exploding.

(read more under the cut)

Stepping out from inside of this limousine is a man who wears sunglasses at night, and so at first I thought “oh hell it’s Pegasus’ security, he’s back” But he’s...he’s not. I really, really wish it were.

Joey literally wiped his hand off on the ass of his jeans before trying to shake the hand of this guy he has never mentioned before in his life but swears is his favorite person in the world.

Jean wisely left him hanging.

Joey is SO ready to see a ship in this show actually do something. So ready, that he is willing to accept Mai and this rando we’ve never seen before as canon, despite the fact I’m pretty sure a chunk of last season was trying (rather unsuccessfully) to pair him up with Mai?

It’s not where I expected this episode to go! I really thought we were going to go and play a tourney? We were meeting up with Kaiba at a stadium one block away - he’s just sitting there on his big ass dragon shaped chair and like “omg the moment I walk away they get completely distracted, every single time.”

Anyways, lets get to a flashback where very fancy people in pastel suits were playing cards because apparently cards isn’t just for streetfighting.

I have been wading through 1.5 seasons of these characters doing these elaborate dances around each other to never ever speak a word of commitment or relationship, and I’ve been pretty OK with them doing that. Honestly, the less romance in my Yugioh, the more satisfied I am, but then, after 1.5 seasons of basically nothing but Serenity wearing some bandages and needing a lift from the hospital, suddenly we have this random guy show up and profess marriage, and it is the most whiplash this show has ever given me.

I will accept demonic weird ass devices threatening children, spooky magic, bad history, and all sorts of weird ass outfits but like marraige???? wtf?????

Which is something that Mai seems to know because she turned him right down as you should when a person you’ve never met before decides to marry you based on your ability to coordinate cards in a deck.

Joey honestly thinks being a rich star will automatically make you marriageable material, because I guess Joey completely forgot about Seto Kaiba, a very famous billionaire who is maybe one of the least marriageable people on the planet.

So what gets me about this episode and what makes it so freakin weird is that everyone here accepts this as the rules from this point on.

She MUST be married if Mai enters and then loses this game. Welcome to the Yugioh universe. This is how card people dating works. This is law, she has to accept this proposal if this card game based on chance loses.

Anyways, Yugi’s here to be the voice of reason in a dating episode and that’s something I didn’t expect to write in a sentence.

Yes, his motive was “Mai, this will take too long” not “Mai, you don’t know this guy, and he’s probably crazy” it was “Mai please, I know the world will end when I enter this tourney and so you have nothing to lose and it’s the best time to marry a stranger actually, but can you not? It’s taking SO LONG.”

Duke Devlin in the back still trying helplessly to keep up with what the hell is going on since he wandered on this team by complete accident four episodes ago.

And yes, it’s THIS that makes Joey not like this guy. Not the part where he proposed out of the blue, nearly ran over them with his car, stalked Mai for like a year, and then completely disregarded Mai’s common sense. No--this part, where he threatened to kick Mai out of the competition. That was the low blow to Joey.

You will lose this duel and gain a husband.

That is an actual line from the show, folks, this show went places.

aaaaand Mai starts losing right away.

DAMN

IT.

This is the one thing I thought was pretty much in the bag. That there would not be the concept of one of these characters getting married. That was the One thing I was sure of. But I was not only wrong, but this is like the most bizarre wedding I’ve ever seen on TV. It’s basically a shotgun wedding but with cards???

And what makes this more bizarre, and it was something I only noticed after watching this episode, is that we’ve seen this type of behavior before. But at the time, back in the beginning of this season I was just like “that was just a really weird thing that happened that wouldn’t possibly be accepted as normalized in this universe.”

Like, remember that creepy DDR guy who dueled Yugi so that if he beat Yugi in a match, that creepy guy would become Tea’s boyfriend despite never spending more than 2 minutes with either of them? That despite the fact that Yugi isn’t even her boyfriend, it was like something all three of them were like “I guess I have to go through with this now.” At the time I just assumed that was an insane thing that happened. I just assumed that would never come back.

This was the episode where suddenly I realized, maybe the big issue with these kids dating is a hell of a lot more than just actually going on dates. Maybe it’s because I didn’t understand what their love language is. It’s not Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, and for sure as hell isn’t Physical Touch, it’s the 6th, not very often talked about love language, that’s right, it’s Cards. Rewrite everything, Gary Chapman. Tear it all down and reshoot all those Ted Talks, we forgot something.

Like, sometimes I forget that these guys live in a universe controlled by cards. I mean we’ve seen cards and romance intermingle twice. (three times, if you count Rebecca, who might be engaged to Yugi now? It was kind of a really weird ending to a card game) Pegasus even tried to resurrect his dead wife through cards. All these cards currently exist because of Pegasus’ undying love for Cecilia (who is...OMG I forgot that chick might be alive somewhere)

What I’m saying is that...What if this is how they’ve actually dated this whole time? What if this whole time that I assumed no one was dating they......they actually...were? What if I just didn’t notice, because it was just so freakin weird? What if this is more like how in a Jane Austen novel, if someone goes on a walk with someone else it’s basically like 3rd base?

Like, remember Jane Austen’s Persuasion, where Captain Wentworth went on a walk with Louisa and she was like “hey catch me, I’m 14 years old!” and then she tripped off a wall and got a concussion and he was like “DAMN IT! Now I have to marry her!” and everyone was like “Well congrats on getting married, Louisa.” and then she fell in love with a sad poet who gave her soup once while Captain Wentworth was getting his nuptials planned out in Bath and so Louisa dumped Captain Wentworth’s sorry ass and he was like “OH THANK YOU. YOU ARE SO 14.” And then sad soup man showed up in Bath while Wentworth and the rest of Louisa’s family was quickly crossing out “Wentworth” on all the marriage invitations and sad soup man was like “Before Louisa, I was in love with this other chick, but she died, so I’m pretty stoked I found Louisa.” and Captain Wentworth was like “You’re such an asshole for cheating on your dead girlfriend, I would never do that, you ass!” and then immediately married Anne Wentworth by writing her one single letter saying “hey, want to get married Y/N?” despite the fact that he went well out of his way to avoid her the entire book?

What if that’s been going on in the background of Yugioh but I just didn’t know because, unlike Persuasion, I never took a college class on Yugioh Dating Customs so I have no idea when it ever happens.?

See, this is the stuff I usually delete but like psh whatever, it’s a dating episode, so for once this isn’t a tangent, and yes, I am reading too much into this, thank you.

Anyway, after Joey asks Yugi what to do and then telephones what Yugi just told him to Mai enough times, Mai beats Jean Claud Magnum and avoids a lifetime of...whatever that would have been like.

However, something is off about that game and it takes a card wizard to explain it to us although it was...........really obvious.

This is the third time someone on this show was abducted by a ninja net.

She gets kidnapped by a guy in a ninja jet suit contraption and this is her reaction!? Freakin lucid dream what the hell?

This is the weirdest show I’ve ever watched. Not so much because it has stuff other shows don’t have, but because it forces me to have these expectations of what I think it is and then, once I get comfortable, completely changes it. Last episode Bakura murdered 3 established characters in a graveyard. Like, not even random people, Bakura murdered 3 named people with funny accents we’ve known since last season. That was already completely insane for a kid’s show to do. But rather than address whatever the hell is going on with Bakura, we’re just going to add more to the pot and throw in this crazy asshole, too. For kicks.

Like this is a filler episode somehow? This filler episode would be an entire season of any other kid’s show.

So this episode ends with Mai hanging from a flag pole in a miniskirt, but it’s not like anyone in this city would ever peek their nose out of their window to see what the hell is going on, so at least she doesn’t have to worry about upskirting an entire town. Just these two people.

And like, Joey’s such a mess in that head anyway that like who freakin cares? He’ll probably wake up tomorrow without any memory of yesterday thanks to possession, drowning, getting beat up, tied up, and then this oncoming concussion.

I’m pretty sure she should have stabbed him right through with this duel disk?

(the dialogue really does imply that if he had done this himself she would have been cool with it. How freakin weird is Mai?)

And then he just lets her go? Makes you wonder if it was an abduction or just a game he thought she would enjoy? I don’t know. This episode was all over the place. I mean...maybe he really thought she’d like getting caught in a net and being flown all around Domino? I don’t freakin know.

Like, in my opinion she was stalked for over a year and abducted with several witnesses. But, no one is calling the cops. So like...was this weird to them? This was very weird to us...but like...maybe Mai was like “hm, that was a so-so date.” because this type of behavior is just how this universe does?

....

....

Yugioh, are you OK?

Anyways, next week:

Is the tourney cancelled because after episodes and episodes of tangents, no one ever freakin shows up and Kaiba has to go back to school to do a Chem final? Does Duke Devlin ever even do anything? Does it take 20 minutes for Bakura to walk through security because he keeps setting off the metal detector with his invisible necklace that he can never take off?

[fluffi]

so should i reply in tiny font or just regular font?

hybe should do better in spreading out the comebacks of the groups under them :/ they're already at a huge advantage, might as well use it strategically. AHA streaming mvs is so convenient for a multi. the filler vids i could use in between could be mvs from the other groups that i stan. also you know what, i still haven't watched a single final performance bc im waiting for a friend to watch with me :D

i have a chinese movie recommendation in case you want something to cry over. i still love its ost and it's been months since i watched it. i'm not sure if you watched it already but more than blue. i've never cried over a movie as much as i cried for that one. the angst *chef's kiss*. i'd do anything to wipe my memory of it and watch it again for the first time.

also sungchan is mc-ing in inkigayo every sunday! and honestly, what the hell is nct hollywood :D but a part of me thinks it's just going to be a bunch of asians living in america like johnny that'll be a part of it. just a hunch tho. imagine having all 4 units coming back in a year with like 1 unit per quarter of the year. i'm not sure if sm even has the money to do this, especially when they filed bankruptcy recently.

and i've seen a lot of twitter memes saying taro's ghosted stans T_T alexa play ghosting by txt T_T sm come on give him smth to do, you're wasting talent.

the mall didn't burn down entirely (like from the outside it looked fine). the ventilation system caught fire so it was more internal—ceilings and all that. covered things with soot(?) and ashes so the entire mall was closed for nearly 2 years. and hey, i've experienced a school fire too back when i was younger. i, too, thought it was nothing but a fire drill until i saw the charred remains of the buildings behind our school : D thankfully, no one died.

the new nct track is for a samsung commercial AHAHA it's funny because nearly everyone uses apple TT_TT and the mv screams neo culture tech tho (well as it should lmao). yes, i was talking about that part in hot sauce but yes, it grew on me too.

ateez really know how to do a performance. they put the standard so high for me when it came to performing. their facial expressions and overall stage presence just impresses me. it's been a while since i've seen idols draw me to them by those standards.

ah, the long stan list! good luck in getting through it and i hope you do have fun as you go :] (also you can check out aurora by ateez and whiplash by tbz. the songs popped up in my head as i was typing this reply, you might like them)

ohhhh, what was the pd48 scandal? i don't watch survival shows so i don't know any of the stuff going on. would you care to elaborate? about their disbandment :(( i hope you're okay now tho! are the other girls still debuting in new groups? anyone eyeing an acting career instead of being an idol?

YES, A PATTERN IN THE BIASES (if you count an analysis of two ppl as a pattern, that is.) because it's the same pattern i have for my biaswreckers :D jake & seungmin, not only do they have the same animal to represent them, they have the same 'golden retriever' type of personality that just makes you go all soft. ygwim ;n; i wish i could elaborate but both boys just devastate me in the same level and my friends pointed out that they were quite similar in some aspects.

jaemin used to send really long bbl messages :< like if there was anything he loved most it was nctzens and it was obv in his messages. speaking of dream, album repackage news today! idk what to feel bc my hot sauce albums haven't even arrived yet :D + i'm dead br0ke.

how do you even manage to read 30k TT__TT i cant handle long fics bc of my attention span :D also, yes, i found the user now, i'll check if i'll like their works soon. <33

YES YOU SHOULDVE BEEN THERE T_T what a day that was. i think seungmin is still sweet and active in bbl. not a single cent goes to waste with him. also i think i'll post the drabble some time this month.

and oml seungmin vs jake :o let's see how that goes O.O XDD

clickity-clackity AHAH do you have a mechanical keyboard? :c i wanted one too but i haven't got around to saving up for one. but yes indeed, typing asmr v relaxing \m/

sunny hyuck day, fullsun sunday, fullsunday T_T feels were very strong that day. i kept seeing edits on my twt tl and i would just s o b : D i've only stanned nct for a year but i've seen him grow so much i just wanted to crie i love him sm :') yk my mom didn't cook spaghetti for my birthday, but she cooked for hyuck's? : D

and i checked ur recs blog and indeed, full of nct T_T

also have i mentioned that your desktop thing amuses me so much HAHAH i got confused for a sec if i had twt opened or tumblr. plus, i've been wanting to mention that i noticed that our mobile themes are opposites. black and red, white and blue. it's cute XDD <3

help, people have been telling me that our asks are long but i highkey love it. i added a ‘keep reading’ for the mobile users though, sorry in advance hh.

honestly, both works. tiny font saves space but regular font does more justice for my poor eyes haha. its your call!

hybe comebacks :( yeah enhypen got lucky because they came back right before cb season so they got three wins (yay)! on the bright side, txt just got their first win and bts has six wins, so it all works out i guess. omg yes, the streaming thing is perfect. i stan like 20 groups so i have a never-ending cycle of filler mvs and its always so helpful. ooh for the final performances - you wont regret watching any of them! literally wild, kingdom's budget and talent are wild.

ooh, I don't watch any cdramas lmao. i want to but i can barely finish kdramas. if its a movie ill watch it! ive never heard of more than blue but ill check it out <3 where can i watch it?

yes yes i have just realized that sungchan is yujin's co-mc! i watched their special stage (which is literally adorable) and was today years old when i realized that the dude is sungchan pls. nct hollywood was so unexpected and i still have mixed feelings about it now. LMAO JUST ASIANS LIVING IN AMERICA...help. that would be interesting (?) but the concept reminds me of those horrendous awesomeness tv shows. lets hope sm pulls this off well and proves me wrong. lmao all 4 units coming back would probably happen, but i hope none of them get overworked :( i constantly feel like mork lee has four clones :'( also...sm filed bankcruptcy??? dang, what happened?

ugh omg yeah shotaros talent is seriously being wasted in the basement right now. as for fires, scary T-T i wasnt that fazed by them until the australia wildfires happened, and i learned about the consequences of fire and got really scared. its good that the entire mall didnt burn down though! although its weird that no one is opening it :( schools really need to tell us the difference between drills though, it might be dangerous for those rebellious kids.

yeah i just realized that the nct track is an endorsement which partly explains why i cant listen to it. the mv's visuals are stunning!! the set and people are so gorgeous aa i cant

oh yeah im not an atiny but i have acknowledged since 2020 that they have one of the best, if not the best stage presence and expressions on stage for 4th gen. i think their only worthy competitor would be stray kids actually. theyre truly one of a kind and all of them are cute especially that yeosang guy. i will definitely check out your song recommendations though!

oof the pd48 scandal is extremely complicated. to condense it in a few statements: all of the girls' rankings have been rigged since the very beginning and it was rumored that they already had their end group before the show even started. it was like this for pf48 and pdx101 (group x1) which was why x1 disbanded within a month of debuting, and izone were on hiatus for like 4 months. im not the best at explaining stuff like this haha, but i think you get it. you can check out yt or search up 'pd48 scandal', a ton of articles and videos. as for new groups, nothing has been made clear yet. theyve only made instagram handles for now and appeared on variety shows haha. as for acting career, hyewon was supposed to do acting but was forced to join pd48 so maybe she'll continue acting afterwards? nothing is confirmed yet!

lmao two similarities, its okay it counts. ah, true, i can see their similarities now that youve mentioned it, as well as how jeno is kind of like that. however, i am currently attached to jaemin so we'll see what happens from there hehe. i swerve easily.

jaemin on bubble grr, that would be a whole experience. from the bare minimum of vidoes ive seen for him wbk jaemin is so whipped for czennies. ah yes repackage! i saw the post on instagram and went to the comments to see everything screaming ‘iM bROke!’ and it was lowkey hilarious lmao. kpop is really trying to suck our money T-T.

ope the longest fic ive read is like...40k words i think? and it was by jeonginks. ill read anything eiko produces lmao, theres always so much substance in her work. ooh, tell me what you think of luvdsc’s stuff, i just finished binging their entire masterlist lmao.

seungmin vs jake yeah, i havent been catching up on skz enha content because im still obsessing over the dreamies but when that saga is over then im going to focus on my ults lmao (which might include dream soon, hehe).

yes yes i have a mechanical bluetooth keyboard that i use to connect to my computer! it literally sounds amazing lmao, its only 10am here but i feel like im going to doze off from the clickity clackitys already. i cant wait for you to get one! tell me when you do, we can match hehe.

hyuck is an aodrable brat please. hes like the best comedian of nct at this point, so hilarious and filled with variety i love him. he rose up my bias list pretty fast too. LMAO YOUR MOM IS SO COOL I LOVE HER ALREADY. if only my mom would cook for my ults’ borndays.

yes my rec blog is a mess right now, ill organize it soon haha.

omg thank you and yes my website theme is one-of-a-kind. even i get confused when i open it or edit it, and i constantly get comments about it. also i just realized our opposing theme colors and i love it! its adorable.

[jacks-tracks]

luanbajo

Snorkle trip, which should have been entered before snorkeling to the volcanoe.

    I signed up for a two day, one night boat trip, with snorkeling, Rinca island and Komodo island. Yes that’s right, Komodo dragons! 400 pound 10 foot long carniverous lizards, that can sprint at 18kph, catch monkeys, deer and waterbuffalo.  Our boat was a 60 foot wood vessel, powered by an old diesel, that did a surprising 10 knots. Usually 23 passengers, we had 15, for which I am grateful, as everybody sleeps on matts on a covered upper deck, shoulder to shoulder.For $100 including park fees, we had a great trip, compatible people, decent food(all fried), calm seas and sunny weather. The boat had a Garmin chart plotter(but no radio) which showed a surprising amount of shallows. That and the 2 meter tide accounted for stiff currents, tide rips, and upwellings. At one time we crept up the backeddy to a point, stalled in the full tide, and clawed through at 1 mph. We passed 50 unjnhabited islands, a few thar had water had Muslim vilages, all with Mosques shining in the sun, and no exageration 50 miles of emptywhite sand beaches, This is the windward side of Flores and gets rough in the Monsoon.

     First stop was Rinca island where the Ranger took us on a medium hike( 2 hours in broiling sun over hills and savanah. Dry season, a few waterholes in the creeks, stiff cooling breeze, long views across the sea. We did see Komodo dragons, loafing in the shade, somnolent and full of the deer they had eaten the day before, Dinosaurs! Grey scaley hides, slit eyes, powerful claws, long whiplash tails, full bellys. We got 5 meters away for pictures, and they did not care, although they must have been thinking”  hmmm, big monkeys, too full, too hot, maybe tommorrow). Certainly they had an evil eye.  Dragons hatch in sand nests from eggs guarded by the females. Cannibalistic. They hatchin 6 months, and immediately climb trees to escape being eaten. 10% success rate. Eagles (white tailed) catch them. They live on geckos, birds, and at the ranger station roof they lived in the thatch and ate mice.

We motored off and tied to a pier for snorkeling at a white sand beach. Oh boy, i have snorkeled a lot, but this was the best. Huge coral, lots of extravagant coloured fish, 35 C water and easy floating. I cannot explain how magical the experience is. Psychedalia. I saw coral i had never seen, fish i had only seen pictures of, and many that were totally fantastic, like a painter gone wild on aliving  canvas. Back at the pier, a shoal of 10000 sardines(?) rocketed out of the water, packed together, a meteor shower of silver flashing in the sun. Down then up again, pursued by?

Komodo island where the Dragons were even bigger(and just as lazy). We took the easy flat trail and found a dragon in the woods. Here they add wild boar to their diet and we saw them too. That dragons got tired of selfies and waddled off. Powerful legs, a rolling gait, and a snaky smell. Awesome!

Back to the boar for an after dark run to Pagar island to anchor and shore tie. 30 boats in the sheltered bay, all with generators. Dinner was a variation on lunch, spicy noodles, two kinds of fried tofu, fish instead of chicken, and a fruit plate. Hungry boaters gobbled it up. Now I could not see flopping among the youth on the upper deck so I pulled a pad down to the fordeck under the stars. That’s when I learned that the dew fell like rain. OK out of the wind, but wet! The old moon showed a winking orange eye, and the milky way glowed across the clear sky. My fellow passemgers all arose at 5 am to go ashore and climb a mountain to watch the sunrise. I’ve seen a lot of sunrises, I slept till six thirty...ahhh.

After a toasr and fruit breakfast we motored pasr sulfer yellowcliffs, more miles of empty beaches, and more current to Manta point where the Manta rays feed. Much searching and someone saw them , and two people jumped in, following them in the tide. The captain saw a rwo foot turtle, and I plunged in.  Now I know what tortoise shell looks like. This big animals calmly flippered along 5 meters down while I followed on the surface. In the 20 meter visibility and strong sunlight I could clearly see the hexagonal shell plated paterned in glowing yellow and green.  After 20 minutes of bliss I had to swim a half mile back to theboat, thankful for swim fins.. We gathered up the strays and had a filling lunch, after which everbody, including myself, fell asleep for an hour. Stopped for one more great open water snorkle, proceeded to a white sand ringed island, with a decrepit resort, and loafed in the shade, did a little inshore snorkeling, then back aboard for a fruit feast on the way back to port. A great trip which I would certainly doagain.

Back in town, the nice girl had my bus tickets, and had safely stored my big pack. Seafood dinner at the waterfront plaza,30 stalls, fresh fish, lobster, squid. I ate my fill of bbq squid and shared i with the market cats, who really wanted fish, but ate it anyway. Back to my dumpy hotel, slept till 5 am, then off on the bus as reported earlier. Next entry will be the volcanoe town, my motorcycle riding, an offer of land and a choice of wives( they like foreigners with money) but I told them I could not afford to pay the Matriarchal dowry of 10 buffalo. I do meet intersting people, and like the locals.

    This trip is streching my boundarys, requiring a faith in good outcomes, and opening me to new experiences. All good!