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cowboylikedean · 7 years ago

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The Maggie Story

It’s long awaited. Sorry it took so long, it’s a lot. 5,613 words a lot. But it’s what happened.

As always, thanks for caring y’all.

So I’m not really sure where to begin this… I guess I’ll start at where The Stevie Story left off last August.

Okay so after Stevie left and Maggie moved into the master bedroom… We lived a charmed life. When Maggie didn’t work at 6 AM, I would wake up early enough to say bye to her when she went to work and then I’d go about my life at home and she’d come home and dish with me about her life and we’d watch TV until she went to bed and then I’d watch TV in the living room and then go to bed and then we’d do it all over again. I posted last year that I was happy and that this was really working. Honestly, I’d found a fucking best friend. She was amazing… WE were amazing.

In October, Jasper moved upstairs. He and Simon broke up (thank god that took a long fucking time) and then he moved in with Maggie and I. He slept on the couch from late October - early January when we moved. In December, we found a three bedroom house (that I’m currently in) and moved here in early January. For months, we functioned really well as a household. The three of us worked super well together. Maggie and I split driving Jasper to and from work and we did really well. Good life. Honestly.

And here’s where things get muddled.. I’m going to be honest with y’all… I do not know what happened. I do not actually understand. All I know is my perception of four different breakdown points… Which I have broken down by name.

The Dog

When we started looking for houses in November last year, Jasper and I remarked that we wanted a dog. We saw houses with fenced in back yards and we knew that we wanted a house with a fenced yard specifically because we wanted a dog. I really wanted a house outside of the city limits (this one is) so we could have a fire pit out back, a fireplace inside, and a fenced yard for a dog. That’s all I wanted from a house. This one was the first (and only) house we looked at and it ticked all three boxes… and was also a great price… So we just… went ahead with it.

I want to reiterate.. the plan was always to get a dog.

Initially, the plan was to wait until spring… When we’d settled in a few months. Then the plan was mid spring. Then late spring. And finally… Early summer. Well early summer got here and we set out to get a dog.

I gotta pick up this story of the dog until after I talk about the next bit so it will make sense.

West

Okay, so West is Jasper’s boyfriend. They have a weird past I’m not going to bore you with but essentially West came to visit as Jasper’s friend because they recently reconnected and then that quickly turned into something else upon arrival. Anyway… West has lived with his family his whole life and he didn’t want to go back to Texas and Jasper didn’t want him to leave.. so he asked Maggie and I if we were okay if West moved in.

Jasper gave Maggie several outs. They had multiple one on one conversations in which Jasper was like “I will not be upset if you are not on board with this or don’t want this” and Maggie was excited and enthusiastic.

West went back to Texas after two(ish) weeks to pack stuff to move. He left his car here in our driveway and flew (fun facts, dropping him off at the airport is when my car died - which is a later point) and then flew back.

Before he got back, Maggie was driving me somewhere and she asked me if I thought West was really going to move in. I told her I saw no reason why not.

Now… It is my theory that she did not want West to move in… But she didn’t want to be the person who said no. So she said she was okay with it repeatedly even though Jasper told her she didn’t have to. She figured she could say “yes,” and something would come up and she could play sympathetic and then be like “I mean things will turn out for the best” blah blah blah. This is my theory.

At any rate, West moved in and she was never particularly kind to him or seemed interested in him as a person.

That leads us too…..

The Dog: Part 2

Shortly after West got back from Texas and moved in, the dog became a reality. Originally, we were going to the shelter just to look. It was the summer solstice, the 21st of June. Jasper and West took me to therapy and we were going to go to the rose garden after for me to get flowers for my celebration of Aphrodisia… While I was in therapy, they got the idea for us to go to the shelter and look at dogs. We found a babe who we loved deeply and decided to adopt him. We told Maggie and she said she was uncomfortable living in a house with a dog without a pet deposit paid for said dog. When we moved in, we paid 2 pet deposits over the course of 2 months along with rent, and we figured it would be easier to do if we could pay the one over the course of several months too. So I asked. Then on Friday, Jasper went and paid to adopt the dog.

At no point in this did Maggie say she was not on board. Well.. That’s a lie. She told West at one point, but refused to tell me and Jasper. In her mind, her passive aggressive actions (which she now claims weren’t passive aggressive) should have been enough.

She did, however, tell Jasper she wanted to be left out of it. That she didn’t want to be responsible for the dog and she didn’t want the dog to be something she had to focus on or worry about. This is important….. Because, SPOILER ALERT, she didn’t actually mean that.

So they fix the dog and tell us we can pick him up on Monday the 26th. Monday comes, I get an email that says the pet deposit has to be paid all at once. We figure we’ll pay it along with July’s rent.

Meanwhile, when we were clearing the back yard in preparation for the dog, we found what looked exactly like termites in a piece of wood out back.. So I had called to ask about getting the house inspected.

So then on Tuesday, I get a call from the property manager asking if we can be there on Wednesday at 4 because the terminix guy needed someone to be there when he came. I said yes. He also informed me the owner of the house was requesting a $500 pet deposit for the dog since we already had two cats. I said “okay…” and then hung up the phone and grabbed the lease to see if there was a clause that I skipped over before I initially emailed about the pet deposit the week before, before a dog had been paid for. I found no such clause and called back to ask how that was legal. I got no response.

He also said the owner of the house was requesting size and breed. The dog we adopted was an American Staffordshire. We adopted him specifically because there was nothing in the lease about breed or restriction based on breed. We knew though if they were all the sudden asking for a $500 pet deposit when the first two were $200, the second we said the breed, they’d say no. So we tried to figure out what to do. I called my dad and asked if the dog could stay with him for a while for the duration of Maggie still living with us so that we could take him back into our home after there was no one to insist on communication with the landlord.

On top of that, I have fought the landlord tooth and nail about the back deck, which is falling apart and unsafe. I have requested it be fixed multiple times and the maintenance guy said he’s been telling them to rebuild it for years. They committed to rebuilding, but I have seen no progress beyond a man coming out to get a “quote” in May who said he was told the job would happen in June. Which it did not. So because of that and the concern of termites, we thought that maybe the random increase in pet deposit was a push back on us for being pushy tenants. So we wanted to be more careful about what we communicated to the landlord because we didn’t want to rock an already rocked boat.

So my dad said that he’d take the dog. West and I brought the dog to dad’s house because Jasper was sick. While we were there, Xena did her Xena thing and made a problem out of nothing. Dad said he wasn’t going to keep the dog for long. Xena kept bitching and it just seemed like the only option we had that wouldn’t destroy us with anxiety would be to take the dog back to the shelter.

The shelter does a 3 day grace period where you can get your money back. So this was Wednesday, Thursday was the last day for Jasper to get the $93 he paid back. So we take the dog home with the intention of taking him back to the shelter the following day.

We get home at about 1 or 2. At 3, I get 10 texts from Xena apologizing. She said she messed up and that dog did not deserve to be in a shelter and she wouldn’t bitch about it, that we should bring him back. I confirmed with dad that that was okay and we made plans to bring him back after the terminix guy left.

Terminix guy gets to the house around 4:45 and says that he was told the property manager would meet him at the house. This freaks the everloving fuck out of me, West, and Jasper because we already assumed the landlord was pissed at us and was trying to check up. Maggie walks in and tells us that the guy said he was waiting for the property manager and I’m like “oh shit.” Maggie asks if we’ve paid the pet deposit. I try to explain to her what’s gone on the past two days and what we’re planning for when the guy leaves.. But she was having N O N E of it. She refused to listen and called us irresponsible and said that what we did was “fucked up” as if we had done something specifically to her.

I go out to talk to terminix guy to get a clearer picture on what’s going on and he said not to worry and that if I hadn’t heard from the property manager he would be there, there was probably a mix up in communication between property manager and terminix guy’s boss.

He leaves and West, Jasper, and I take the dog to my dad’s house.

On Thursday night, my dad calls me and tells me that our dog was having issues with his dog and he didn’t feel safe having him around. We went and picked him up on Friday and took him back to the shelter… One day past the refund deadline. (Update: the website shows he got adopted again today!!! I’m so happy!!)

We had that dog for one business week. 5 days. Adopted on Monday, surrendered on Friday.

Maggie, was pissed. She insists even still that we should have kept her in the loop about the pet deposit stuff and that we should have paid it first before adopting the dog. I told her that no one I know in my life has ever paid a pet deposit after moving in and we all assumed we’d give it to them on top of rent when we turned that in. She said that everyone she knows had done this before, which excuse me, feels like a lie.

This all set us up for

The Cats

So when we moved in in January, Jasper and I each paid a pet deposit. Maggie was on board with this. At the time, Jasper didn’t have a pet.. He was paying half the pet deposits upon move in because he would be getting a cat shortly after moving in and both wanted to take responsibility for his cat and get that out of the way and take the burden off of me.

On January 25, Jasper and I went to the animal shelter “to look around.” We found a cat who we loved a lot who was available to come home same day.. and we came home that day with Roscoe.

Now, I don’t remember Maggie being upset about Roscoe but Jasper assures me she wasn’t entirely on board. I believe him. Anyway… so Roscoe’s been in our house in January 25. And up until the dog, Maggie seemed to have absolutely no problem with the pet deposit. When she said she wasn’t comfortable living in a house with a dog without a pet deposit paid, she said “We already have one cat that’s not paid for.” That was the very first either me or Jasper had heard of discomfort on her end for the way the pet deposit was handled.

When Maggie got home the chaotic Wednesday night when we took the dog to my dad’s twice… She sat down to talk. I explained to her what happened and everything I was trying to explain to her earlier before she’d stormed out. She was suddenly somehow okay that we were handling it and said she wish she had known all of that… To which I was like “I tried to tell you, but you refused to listen.” Anyway, during that conversation, she said that she was no longer comfortable having three cats with only two pet deposits. I asked what changed and she said “Having three cats themselves is not a problem… But they make a problem worse if a problem exists.” Since we took the dog back on Friday, from my perspective, there should have been no problem.

At any rate, on Thursday, when the dog was at my dad’s before dad said he couldn’t keep him, I emailed the property manager and asked him how much it would be and what the process looks like for a third cat. He was out of the office and replied to me on Monday the 3rd after the dog was gone. He told me that the owner was requesting $500 for any third pet because they were under the impression that we paid $500/pet when we moved in.

He communicated to me VIA EMAIL (aka IN WRITING) that the management company did not communicate with the owner properly when writing the lease.

Had they communicated the way they should have and we were told when we looked at the house and inquired about the pet deposit that it was $500/pet, we wouldn’t have moved here.

Now, I just want to mention it’s obvious the owner of this house does not give two fucks of a shit what shape it’s in. They care about getting money. The house is falling apart, there are holes everywhere and no matter how much I call and ask them to fix basic things like the bottom of the back doorway which is falling apart due to wood rot that appears to have been glued in place before, nothing happens. Like… It’s clear that this house was bought specifically as a rental unit and the owners of the house have actually no mind or care to the shape of the house… So I can tell that the $500 pet deposit is not because they care that much about the house, but rather because they care that much about making money.

At any rate it’s a ridiculous number for this neighborhood and for a cat. It’s absurd. And everyone I talk to has advised me expressly NOT to pay it because it’s a ridiculous number and because the two parts that make up my landlord do not agree on what is reasonable.

Anyway… So when I get that email, I say in the group chat what’s going on and I say that if they had communicated $500/pet when we moved in, we wouldn’t have moved here. Jasper says he feels that. I say I’m skeeved out that the management company and owner didn’t communicate. Jasper says that sounds sketch and he feels paranoid that they’re just trying to get even more money out of us. I say that’s what my mom said and I kind of agree. I also say that I’ve talked to a lot of people and 200 is standard.

Then Maggie replies. I’m just going to copy and paste her response because I can’t capture the condescending tone of her communicating about money through my description alone. (Note: She was out of town for 4th of July weekend and came back mid-day on the 4th) “That's what they're in the business of. Don't worry about it too much. I'm going to be home tomorrow so we'll talk about it. Unfortunately there's no standard. Pet deposits have to be "reasonable" which there's no set number for. Even added up, the security deposit and pet deposits are no more than 2x the rent so it's still considered reasonable.”

I was SO PISSED she tried to rich-splain to me “standard pet deposit.” So I replied sharply “I meant standard as in "this is what is defaulted to." Not that there was a specific number.” and then “As in "Everyone I talked to has had a pet deposit around 200-250"” I’m still pissed she tried to rich-splain that to me. GOD I know my shit.

Anyway, because Jasper had paid a pet deposit and he had a cat and I paid a pet deposit and I had two cats, the cat in question was mine. I know my dad and sister love Stacey so I called them to make sure it was okay that she go live with them until Maggie leaves if need be. They say yes, but they hope stuff gets figured out so that doesn’t have to happen. I do too.

Everything

(This next bit is just a straight up story of what happened. It involves everything. There’s another part “inconveniences.” after this story, but I had to put this story here for the purposes of narrative flow)

West, Jasper, and I decide to get wine drunk that night to celebrate our last day of freedom before she comes home as we ring in the 4th. West chugs some wine and gets way too drunk and is having panic attacks while throwing up… Jasper and I call the paramedics to try to figure out how to get him to breathe… Bad night.

Maggie gets home on the 4th and I tell her what happened the night before and she says that it’s not a good time to talk and I confirm that it is not. The next day, she insists on forcing the conversation.

That conversation still fucks with my head.

So she said it was “messed up” what we “did to her” not telling her about the dog. Now… remember when I was talking about the dog when I said that she didn’t want to be responsible and have anything to do with the dog? She said the words “leave me out of it” to Jasper? Yeah… Remember when I told you she didn’t mean that? Yeah… This is what I meant by “she didn’t mean that.” She comes at us saying it was “messed up” that we didn’t tell her the second something was wrong and I was like “we were handling it ourselves because you didn’t want to be a part of it! You said “leave me out of it” and so we did!” and she was like “I didn’t mean leave me out of everything. I said I wanted the pet deposit paid!” and I was like “Okay and we were doing that Maggie! Like you cannot expect us to read your mind! You said you wanted to be left out, so we left you out!!”

We went back and forth like that for a while before I told her I didn’t know what I was doing with the pet deposit. She got upset with me because we didn’t pay it first and I was like “I thought we’d pay it with rent” like we did ORIGINALLY! And I told her that no one in my life has paid a pet deposit post moving in.

And then she said that everyone in her life had (I do not believe this) and they all advised her to get out of this situation quick because what we did was “so messed up.” Do you see the over the top dramatics for no reason? Yeah.. Me too.

I’m telling y’all.. this conversation was so unnecessarily dramatic. But then again, everything with Maggie has been unnecessarily dramatic for the past month and a half. It’s just… Wild.. how dramatic she is. And she thinks I’m the dramatic one… I’m exaggerated with enthusiasm and I live for online drama… I’m not dramatic in my personal relationships. Not like she’d care though...

Anyway… so I say that no one in my life has seen it as messed up in a tone that’s like “oookkkaayyyy I didn’t ask….” and then she cuts me off..

Which by the way, she wouldn’t let me finish my sentence when I first started talking.. She was talking and then I let her finish and then I went to respond and she kept cutting me off and I was like “I’d like to finish my sentence please” and she’d stop talking and then cut me off again and I would let her finish and say “Okay, well I’m going to finish my sentence now” and eventually I snapped at her “Can I finish a sentence or do you just want to talk?” Like bish would not hush for half a second and let someone else speak and I almost leaped across the room at her if I’m honest..

So anyway she cuts me off and says “We know different people” and I’m thinking “no shit, I know normal and poor people and you know rich people and newly licensed lawyers.” But I don’t say that because I don’t want to have the classism fight (though let me tell you this girl is PRIVILEGED). So I say “Yeah I know and I’m telling you I handled this the best I could but you have to understand I don’t know what I’m doing and no one I usually turn to for help knows what they’re doing either!”

Of course, she didn’t understand because heaven forbid she think about something through someone else’s perspective!!

Anyway and also in that conversation was the topic of West. She said she wanted him on the lease but he’s not comfortable with that so I was like “Okay we West doesn’t want to be on the lease” and she was like “If our property manager found out that West was here, they’d be furious!” and I was like “How do you know?” Because most places do not actually care. It’s not “””allowed””” to have a non-leaseholder stay in your rented place of living, but most landlords do not actually care. As long as the leaseholders are still paying rent and understand they are taking responsibility for the actions of the non-leased person. Meaning.. if that person does something worthy of eviction, the leaseholders are getting evicted and that goes on their record. If the non-leased person destroys the property, the leaseholders are paying for it. Most landlords don’t care as long as we (the leaseholders) are okay with that. Which we were. Except Maggie.

So I say “How do you know?” and she says “Because they can’t evict him!” and I’m like “No, they’d evict us. That’s how it works.” and she’s like “Yeah, they’d evict us if they knew he was here because they can’t evict him” and I’m like “How do you know they care enough to make this a problem” and she was like “what?” and I was like “some people are more lenient than others and our lease says nothing about visitors so how do you know?” and she just was so confused and I said “Did you ask?” and she was like “How do you ask?” and I was like “Hey, we have a friend from out of town who’s looking to move to Raleigh.. Would it be alright if he stayed in our house for a while while he got situated?” She was so Shook™ that you could ask that. She agreed to ask about it.

Well anyway after that, she says that she wouldn’t have a problem with the cats or West if this wasn’t going to come back to bite her in the butt (again, dramatics). She insisted that because this was “””technically illegal””” it could come back to her and she could be responsible for our “”””illegal behavior”””” or some shit like that. So she said she wanted off the lease but she didn’t know how to do that without screwing us over… Which like…..

So here come more random dramatics. She’s got this thing where when a problem arises, she jumps to the most difficult possible solution and no other solution is considered. It’s not that she refutes other solutions, it’s that she legitimately doesn’t consider them. So with the lease, she figured we’d have to break and terminate the lease entirely and then Jasper and I would re-apply for this same house and sign a new lease. I said “Why don’t we just sign a piece of paper and take you off of it” and she’s like “that’s not how it works” and I’m like “????” So I said “why don’t we ask?” She again acted like that was the most wild thing in the world… To ask a question… Like omg you don’t know something… ASK ABOUT IT! why is that a wild other-worldy suggestion to you????

Anyway… So the next day (Friday the 6th), I ditch work to go to the management office with her in the morning to ask about the paper. They say they’ll write it up on Monday morning and she can pick it up when she leaves work. So she plans to do that. She tells us she’ll give us rent for the remainder of the lease… Five months…

Now that’s a lot… And way more than we were going to ask for. Which I told her. And she still gave it to us… Which is so wild to me.

So she brings the paper, I don’t want to sign it until I have reassurance she’ll give the money she says she’ll give.. or at least August rent… She agrees to meet me at the place the next day (Wednesday) to sign it with a check in her hand. She also tells me she’s not ready to consider still being friends because we “hurt her feelings” with the dog drama. I do not for the life of me understand how she can still be dramatic about it considering it was a mess and there IS NO DOG but………. she can be! We argued and talked over stuff and I basically told her that like… I can’t read her mind! So if she has something to say living with other adults, she’s got to say it! She says repeatedly it didn’t feel like she could and I’m like “??? You say something if you’re not comfortable! Like of course you can! We’re not going to act like something’s wrong if you don’t tell us so we’re not going to ask you you gotta say something!” And then I recalled that I DID ASK HER about her negative feelings about the dog and she brushed it off and pretended it was nothing WHEN IT WASN’T! I reminded her that none of us can read her mind and we’re not responsible for her shitty communication.

That’s our personal stuff up to now… ish. There’s one more category…

Inconveniences

This is actually what happened first chronologically… But it’s background to the drama of everything else, so I saved it for last. It’s also probably the driving force of why all of that stuff was so dramatic.

So around the time West moved in, things with Maggie got a little… weird. I’m honestly not sure when it started… But I know I noticed it when West went back to Texas for that little bit. She was hanging out a lot with this guy she was seeing and her former roommate and friend from college… and when she was home she was really… short with me. I thought maybe I was exaggerating it though.

Then West came back and he noticed it. There was one day in particular… Maggie had been asking me to rake the back yard for months honestly and I tried but I had so much anxiety about it because it was way too big a task for one person and I have the physical limitations of my back and it’s hard on your back and we didn’t have an appropriate rake.. But West felt bad sitting at home doing nothing so he went to do the yard so he didn’t feel useless. One day he got stung. The next day he didn’t do really anything, just swept the porch and I also didn’t do much of anything. We sat in the living room all day talking and watching Kitchen Nightmares. We applied for jobs and sat in our unemployed misery of boredom and not feeling useful. When Maggie got home, I had just gotten my computer for the first time that day maybe 20 minutes prior. She sat down and asked how our day was. West told her he didn’t do much on the backyard. As he finished saying that, I saw something funny on tumblr and told the room about it. She scoffed and said “Is this all you’ve done today? Sit on tumblr?” West and I both insisted that it wasn’t and that I had just gotten my computer… which was true. She scoffed again and said “alright….”

Later that night, Jasper gets home. He’s gotten two pieces of mail. A bill from Planned Parenthood and a small package. I ask what it is, referring to the small package. He plays with me and says “a bill!” and I’m like “that’s not the interesting part.” We banter and such and I push and he plays hard to get and says “Just for that, I’m gonna open it upstairs!” And he goes upstairs. Mind you, he’s just playing. Maggie snaps at me and says “It’s none of your business. It’s his mail! I don’t tell you everything about my life!” I look at her and say “I was only joking, you don’t have to be so mean.” Then I get up, go to my room (which is right there - they are right outside the door at the kitchen table) and cry. I come out, get my diet coke, and go back in my room. I felt fucking terrible.

A little while later West and Jasper are going to Walmart and I go with them and West says he noticed she’s mean to me and it’s not in my head and that I had a right to be upset.

So then I start freaking out because I don’t know why she’s mad at me. I decide it’s probably because I owe her money. I had borrowed money to pay the rent because my dad couldn’t afford to help that month and hadn’t been forthcoming with that until it was the day rent was due. She had said it was fine if it was for the rent, but then acted off to me ever since. I also figured it was because I’m such a big personality and that frustrated her. I don’t know…

Anyway, my therapist and I planned how to talk to her about it. So then I do. I tell her that we gotta talk and she says that she’s just felt off and it wasn’t me and I shouldn’t feel responsible. I let that go. Then the whole thing with the dog happens and I go to talk to her again and I tell her that I know there’s something off about our friendship and I don’t want to lose a friend because of all of this stupid crap. We talk through it… It was the money…. and the big personality… It was kind of everything… But mostly it was class differences. As a rich person, she just never understood me. And she never wanted to.

At any rate, I lost a friend for absolutely no reason and it came out of nowhere and I still do not know what inspired it…. But this………. This is The Maggie Story. West came to visit at the end of May, so this is what defined the month of June for me.

What a ride.

#maggie #personal #this took a lot

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dahliias · 8 years ago

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hello children it me theye. i am playing my love, my life, dahlia. you can read about my trash monster below n as always pls come plot w me ,,,,, u all know how i feel about plotting

lmao so. this is dahlia day hayes, aka twin sister to dexter hayes, aka the sensible one

jus call her dahlia . there are nicknames her Favorite People can use (dee namely) but if ur not someone she actively likes she’ll probably pour her drink on you lmao

ok so dahlia is 22, bisexual but its like a men 5 / 95 women thing , like she can appreciate the male form but 100% if u dont eat ur girl out she will

so dahlia grew up in new york with a really irresponsible mum and a constantly growing family; her dad abandoned her, shes got 5 younger siblings she helped raise, it was a real fun shitshow

basically her entire life up until about 16 was her family -- dexter, her siblings, her mother, she was consumed with morning routines, bedtimes, diapers, sick children, dishes, laundry -- she had almost no personality outside of “caretaker”

except .... dahlia is lowkey p freaking amazing up in her head ? she’s amazing at engineering and math. she can fix microwaves, toasters, ovens, driers, cars, blenders. if something broke in the hayes household, it’s dahlia you’d hear little voices screaming for.

she also has a calculator up in that head of hers. she’s been doing advanced calc since 8th grade, and senior year she was bored in two different ap math classes.

when she was 16 she decided that she wanted to try to make something of herself. she thought if she could claw her way out of the poverty-stricken mess, she could eventually bring her siblings with her and they could live a good life

so she applied for hundreds, hundreds of scholarships, met with college representatives, took her s.a.ts three times to get her 2300, -- all behind her family’s -- and dexter’s -- back

mid senior year, she found out that, against all odds, she had managed a full scholarship, living costs + relocation fees included, to berkley. with this knowledge, she pushed herself, and graduated with a 4.5.

she didn’t know how to tell her family, so she waited until a family dinner a few nights after her 18th birthday that she’d be leaving them. it broke her heart, but she desperately wanted to pursue her dreams, she wanted to know more about the world, and see more things than just the view from her crowded bedroom.

she left for berkley in august -- and it was nothing like she expected? it was horrid. overwhelming. her dorm room was too empty. she missed her family. it was like they were inside of her, ripping her to pieces trying to drag her back to them. she loved berkley, and finally had found a place she truly felt like she could belong and flourish, but she couldn’t handle being so far away from her twin, her babies, and her mother.

during spring break, when she finally saved up through work study to return, she dropped out and stayed with her family again; she hated herself for giving up something she was so excited and passionate about, but she felt like she couldn’t justify leaving her kids just to be selfish

so she adapted. she started working, although illegally, at a little nightclub as a waitress -- it helped, some, that she looked young, because sleezy drunk men were always willing to tip a young-looking blonde a little extra.

she did a fair bit of illegal shit too -- she stole, she cheated, she pickpocketed, she conned, -- and eventually she ended up in underground fighting

she’s good, too. at first she came home with the shit kicked out of her every night, but she learned to anticipate the throws and learned where to hit to make it hurt, and how to use her body to hurt other people.

she only fought on the weekends, but it was enough at the time

dahlia also grew angrier. every morning when she got home from a fight at 5 am and had to slather drugstore concealer all over her face to help get the kids up for school and out the door, she hated that -- once a genius with potential -- she let herself become a criminal.

when dexter left the family, she grew hard; it’s hard to learn that you can’t even trust your family, but she learned that. she started working double-time, with half the time to sleep, waitressing and pickpocketing, fighting in safe rings on the weekends didn’t cut it anymore, so she started to go to rings where she would be pit against grown men; it was riskier, but the pot was much larger.

eventually, one of the various dads of her siblings came back into their lives and tried to push in as “father,” and her mother, a wreck, let him. he told dahlia he wanted her to work on moving out because she was a bad influence on his kids, and dahlia was furious -- who was this man? a stranger who had left her family in the first place? she refused, obviously.

as time went on, the man became more and more aggressive with her, leading to an actual physical fight. she hurt him, and he kicked her out of the house she’d been raising her siblings in basically since she was a first grader.

she had literally no one -- so she took what money she had from the last few weeks, and put it together on a debit card. her plan was stupid and half-baked, but she decided that she would track down her wayward twin and force him to return with her so that she could get back the only purpose she had anymore -- her family.

dahlia’s not a nice girl. she doesn’t pretend to be. she’ll be perfectly cordial and nice, but if you pull a tone with her she’ll go 0 to bitch in ten seconds lmao.

she’s not afraid of very much at all, and she has literally like four switchblades on her at any given moment, even though she’s definitely dressed like some mannequin at forever 21 lmao

she always has a lighter or a box of matches on her, and when she gets restless or agitated, she starts striking the matches, shaking them out, and throwing them on the ground, or flicking her lighter open and lighting it over and over again

she’s v unimpressed w the male population. thank dexter and her dad for that lmao 99% sure her favorite water bottle dead ass says “male tears” on it

honestly dee is so ?? edgy n mean n tough ?? but she dead ass dresses like any other lil preppy thing w her shorts n skirts n her sheer ass shirt and heeled boots, she loves the hot weather in marbella so far so she’s just like yes please i love shorts and i hate jackets

she had never actually seen the ocean before bc berkley isn’t in beach county, so when she got to marbella and saw the ocean in person the first time she finally found the one thing that scares her and takes her breath away lol

so sometimes she just sits in the sand looking at it bc she hasn’t plucked up the courage to go and play in it yet shes honestly so intimidated by the ocean . she’ll never admit it bc she is the Man Of The House but still

it took her a while to hunt down her brother, she started in france and ended up here via hitch hiking and sneaking into trains, she has no fear its insane , so she’s probs only been in town like 2 weeks.

she’s currently staying at a lil youth hostel so she only really has a nice army backpack full of three or four mismatched outfits and a toothbrush and a phone + charger that only works w wifi. she’s stealing toiletries from tourists and makes a living pickpocketing atm

she’s probably going 2 be too easy to convince to kick back bc she hasnt had a goddamn day off in 4 years

when shes mad move anything breakable out of the way and do not stand close to a bar because she will throw a beer bottle at your head and she will destroy everything you own

the only ppl in the world who see any gentility to her are her baby siblings and they’re not here are they ?????

if she Adopts u she will show u how soft and sweet and lowkey maternal she can be, but otherwise nah

i genuinely am so brain dead now i cannot think of many plots but i have 3 i really want below so pls:

someone who she can stay with in the longterm -- just because she’s gonna be here for a while and there’s only so long she can pay the fees to stay at a youth hostel and live out of a bag honestly she’s gonna want to buy a bra and wash it regularly; i’d love if these two actually get along well whatever that means. like she’s not a horrible roommate bc shes spent her whole life cleaning up after other ppl but she’ll probs steal ur clothes bc shes not gonna buy her own lol

someone who can help her just fucking unwind for two seconds like girl needs to chill i swear ?? like get her drunk. get her to actually stand in the ocean. let her listen to music and eat good food. she’s never got to be a teenager, she needs that

a person who lowkey caught her with their wallet in her hand and was like dude wyd?? and instead of throwing a punch or calling The Law Enforcement Officers they actually stopped for a sec n now the two are unlikely bffs and they are her Emotional Support even tho shes mean and bitchy and likely is gonna be like “sad??? sad?????? i do not feel that emotion. nut the fuck up. ‘sad.’ what a pussy”

#islandrp:intro #cries theres so muchbackstory

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andrewdburton · 4 years ago

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I am the one thing in life I can control

Three weeks ago, I drove from Portland to Colorado Springs to participate in Camp FI, a weekend retreat for people interested in financial independence and early retirement.

Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't drive this distance. It's a 1300-mile trip that takes at least twenty hours to cover. Or, if you're me, it's a 1400-mile trip that takes 23 hours of driving spread over two days.

But, in case you haven't noticed, we're in the middle of a global pandemic, and although I'm not nearly as cautious as many of my friends, I don't relish the idea of confining myself to close quarters with dozens of strangers for hours on end in an airplane. Besides, I like to drive. And I love the beauty of the American west. And I needed some time alone to think deep thoughts — and to listen to the Hamilton soundtrack over and over and over again.

Around noon on Day Two, as I exited I-80 in south-central Wyoming, I was listening to Hamilton for the fourth time in 24 hours when I was smacked in the brain by a lyric I hadn't heard before. I pulled off the side of the road to think about it — and to make some notes.

Wait for It

For those few who are unfamiliar, Hamilton is a hip-hop musical that tells the story of founding father Alexander Hamilton and his contentious relationship with, well, everyone — especially Aaron Burr. Burr is the nominal antagonist of the show (although, truly, he is no villain), Hamilton's most prominent frenemy. Burr is also a complex character.

Alexander's biggest beef with Aaron is that his rival seems wishy-washy, as if he has no moral compass. (“If you stand for nothing, Burr, what'll you fall for?” Hamilton asks early on. It's a question he asks repeatedly throughout the show.) To Burr, though, this chameleon-like nature isn't a character flaw. It's a survival mechanism. It's a strength. He's adaptable and patient; he believes Hamilton is too loud and too reckless.

Each major character in Hamilton gets a song to define who and what they are. Burr's song, “Wait for It”, comes in the middle of the first act.

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Burr sings:

Life doesn't discriminate between the sinners and the saints. It takes and it takes and it takes, and we keep living anyway. We rise and we fall and we break and we make our mistakes. And if there's a reason I'm still alive when so many have died, then I'm willing to wait for it.

And then Burr says: “I am the one thing in life I can control.” I'd never actually heard that line before. But there, in the middle of the rolling Wyoming hills, the lyric hit me like a ton of bricks.

This is a powerful line in the context of Hamilton, sure, but for me personally, it's something close to a guiding principle. I've written extensively about the power (and necessity) of being self-directed. It's one of the primary themes of this website.

But here's the thing: As important as this notion is to me, I sometimes lose sight of it. This is particularly true when my struggles with mental health become severe, when the depression and anxiety threaten to pull me under. In these moments, I forget about personal agency and locus of control and related ideas. When I'm in the throes of depression, everything is overwhelming (even the simple stuff), and it feels like I'm in control of nothing.

A Very Strange Year

This has been a strange year. I know, I know. Everybody's saying it. But it's true! And while we, as a society, are “enjoying” this crazy year together, my own personal 2020 has had its own special flavor of weirdness.

As you'll recall, 2019 sucked for me. Objectively, my life was great, and I could see that. But subjectively, I was miserable. My life-long depression reached some sort of crescendo and was made especially spicy thanks to some new, unwelcome generalized anxiety. Mental health issues stopped me in my tracks last year.

After several months working with a therapist, I made some progress. In January of this year, I took a break from alcohol and began waking at 4:00 or 4:30. It took a couple of weeks to adjust to this new routine, but by mid-January I felt great and was enjoying my greatest productivity in years. Yay!

As our country (and the world) descended into chaos in March, April, and May, I still felt great. I was insanely productive, both for business projects (such as creating my upcoming FIRE course for Audible) and household projects (such as landscaping the back yard). I was flying high. There was a stark contrast between the overall mood of the world around me and my personal mood. I almost felt guilty. (It's an odd thing when you're doing well individually while so many other people are suffering. I'm not sure I like it.)

Then, in mid-June, things went haywire. Slowly at first — then all at once — my depression and anxiety roared back with full force. I found myself paralyzed by fear once more. Blarg! Was I drinking too much beer? Taking on too much work? Overwhelmed by current events? Flustered by chaos here on the homestead? (Our fence fell down. The hot tub broke. The fridge is dying. The sewer line is clogged. And so on.) Whatever the cause, I'd reached a dark place by the end of June.

It felt like my life was out of control. Like Alexander Hamilton, I felt like I was stuck inside a hurricane.

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Fortunately, I recognized the problem quickly. And that moment in Wyoming — hearing Burr sing “I am the one thing in life I can control” — was key, a wake-up call. It reminded me of my philosophy. I realized that I was focusing too much on my “circle of concern” rather than my “circle of control”.

I fought back.

During July, I took several steps to combat my depression. Among others:

I stopped drinking alcohol. I had my last drinks on Independence Day. My goal is to go one year without the stuff. No, I'm not being 100% strict. If I find myself in a social situation where it's better to drink than to make a fuss, I'll drink. But not much. And these situations should be rare indeed. (I've had one such occasion since Independence Day.)

I called my doctor to ask about medication. While I'm not opposed to meds, I generally don't like them for myself. I don't like the side effects. Plus, I have this stupid idea that I shouldn't need them. Well, in reality I do need them, that much is clear. So, we're playing with things to see what works.

I uninstalled my stupid videogame. (Again.) If you're a long-time reader, you know that computer games are my kryptonite. And in small doses, there's nothing wrong with gaming. It can be a great way to relax! But when I'm in one of my funks, gaming becomes an escape, a way for me to avoid reality. Until I'm moving forward under my own steam again, it's best that I simply avoid the temptation entirely.

I shifted physical fitness to my top priority. Like it or not, my body image has a profound effect on my overall self image. I wish this weren't the case, but it's true. Plus, eating right and exercising is conducive to long life and an effective way to fight depression. So, with help from my buddy Jonathan at Choose FI, I'm embarking on a six-month quest to lose thirty pounds. (I'll write more about this soon.)

In short, I stopped allowing myself to be a victim of external forces and started exercising agency. I am the one thing in life I can control. I need to exercise that control in whatever ways I can. It's the only way out of the pit of despair.

It's far too early to say how much these changes (and others I'm making) will help me, but I'm confident that things will improve in short order. They already have to some degree. I mean, the first thing I wanted to do this morning was write an article for Get Rich Slowly! (And I have a list of other things to write about too.)

Coming Out of the Dark

During my two weekends at Camp FI in Colorado Springs, I spoke about the true history of financial independence and early retirement. (These ideas have been around much longer than most people think.) My talk was rough, and I know it, but I hope to develop it into an interesting and useful presentation in years to come. And I hope to share a written version of this presentation here at Get Rich Slowly in the near future.

But for me, Camp FI is less about sharing what I know and more about connecting with like-minded friends and colleagues. I had a blast both weekends. I hung out with new friends and old.

I got to spend a bit of time with Michelle Jackson (who is one of my favorite people). Between weekends, I spent four nights in Mr. Money Mustache‘s basement. He and I hiked, swam in a creek, and had deep conversations on his delightful deck. I had lunch with Piggy from Bitches Get Riches (and met her chickens). I also had lunch with John from ESI Money. I got to know Mr. Refined from Refined by Fire. And so on.

By the final night of the second weekend, I was more relaxed than I have been in months. Maybe years. As I sat outside with the die-hards until the wee hours of the morning, telling stories and laughing, I felt alive. I felt myself. I felt as if I were in control of things once more.

My road trip helped me re-realize something else important about my depression and anxiety. My suffering is intensified when I spend too much time alone. I feel better about myself (and my fellow humans) when I interact with other people, whether friends or strangers. I genuinely like people. They're amazing. I need to do a much better job of seeking out human contact if I want to maintain my mental health!

If only we weren't in the midst of a global pandemic…

from Finance https://www.getrichslowly.org/i-am-the-one-thing-in-life-i-can-control/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

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socialattractionuk · 5 years ago

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My Quarantine Routine: Kirsty, whose drummer boyfriend has moved in for lockdown

Kirsty and Jamie are in lockdown together (Picture: Kirsty Paterson)

Many couples who weren’t previously living together decided to take the plunge during lockdown.

If they didn’t isolate together, it would mean they wouldn’t be able to see each other at all as we all need to socially distance from those outside out households.

Today for My Quarantine Routine, we’re talking to writer Kirsty Paterson, 28, and her drummer boyfriend Jamie Boyce, 34, from Peacehaven near Brighton.

They have been together for around two years and but had never lived together until lockdown started and Jamie moved into Kirsty’s flat.

Kirsty works from home and usually lives alone, while Jamie usually plays gigs and evening events up and down the country.

They’re trying to adapt to each other’s daily routines (and portion sizes!).

This is how they spent Wednesday 29 April.

10 am

We wake up to the second rainy day in weeks, I find it hard to be productive when it’s sunny so the grey clouds are welcome.

Jamie showers while I decide which tracksuit bottoms to pair with which charity shop jumper (I pick a bobbly blue men’s jumper – I’ve given up on fashion by this point).

I reply to messages that I received overnight from a couple of friends living in the U.S. then I head downstairs to feed Lola and The Batmonkey (my cats).

10:30 am

Jamie heads out to buy milk. We live near a few small shops and a 24-hour petrol station which has worked really hard to stay stocked up with snacks and essentials.

I move Jamie’s wet towel from the bannister into the bathroom and make a mental note to remind him about this.

11 am

I grab some tangerines and fruit tea as breakfast – we had a pizza last night which is unusual for me and I still feel quite full.

Kirsty at work (Picture: Kirsty Paterson)

Most of my writing projects are on hold at the moment, but I have a couple of tasks to complete today. I start work on an article about gifts for bridesmaids to be published by an online publication. It makes me wonder who’s thinking about their wedding at the moment.

Jamie gets back and would usually exercise on his BMX in the morning but as it’s raining he calls his mum and sister who live a few hours away for a long chat.

12 pm

I send a few messages to my friend Diana while I’m working. She lives in a flat on the other side of town and we send texts and voice messages to each other most days.

I haven’t heard from my sister in Australia for a few days so I message her to make sure she’s OK. She’s in lockdown too so I ask what could possibly be more pressing than replying to her dear sister!

Jamie starts the day with a banana for breakfast. I’ve spent years working from home alone so it’s nice to hear him talking and laughing on the phone while I work in the office upstairs.

1 pm

Kirsty and Jamie (Picture: Kirsty Paterson)

Like many people living with a partner for the first time, I’m still trying to pretend I don’t have any bodily functions, so I take the time while he’s distracted to cover my tracks.

I finish work earlier than expected so I have a quick look for local jobs to help tide me over during the crisis, but everything requires a car or experience. I check my daily and weekly to-do lists which help me to use my time wisely.

I go downstairs and Jamie is already doing the washing up, the first item on my list. I re-arrange the dishwasher while he’s in another room.

2 pm

Jamie eats two slices of toast and jam while I put three fish fingers in the oven to have with salad for lunch. I complete a few things on my to-do list – replying to emails, taking electricity and gas meter readings, and paying a bill.

Jamie is a session drummer and usually plays events across the country with his band too. But he’s currently making use of the abundance of time to learn guitar, so he starts his practise for the day while I spend some time on my hobby of painting and upcycling furniture.

4 pm

Jamie practising on a pad (Picture: Kirsty Paterson)

Jamie stops playing guitar and starts practising drum rudiments on a pad, which he does daily – his full kit is in his studio and, although he’s an awesome drummer, I’m glad he hasn’t suggested moving it here.

I get frustrated with painting as The Batmonkey keeps jogging my paintbrush so I eat a kiwi for a snack and discuss the best colour of bananas with Jamie (he likes black spots, I say they absolutely must be green).

5 pm

Our food shopping delivery arrives early. It’s the first delivery slot we’ve managed to get during lockdown and I’m always excited about food deliveries but I’m extra excited today!

Our local supermarket is understocked at the best of times and for a while we struggled to get basics like rice and bananas.

Jamie is 6’4” and I’ve been underestimating how much food it takes just to keep him alive so I’m thrilled that the fridge is full.

6 pm

Out for a walk (Picture: Kirsty Paterson)

I go for a walk even though it’s a bit damp out. I’ve found walking really helpful when I get worried about work and money or stressed about not being able to see friends.

I walk about five miles to Piddinghoe using a route that I know will be quite empty as I’ve had experiences with people who aren’t trying very hard to social distance.

I stop to watch pheasants strut, lambs leap and rabbits hop which makes me feel more relaxed – spring is here and the natural world is carrying on as normal!

Jamie cooking dinner (Picture: Kirsty Paterson)

7 pm

Jamie cooks pasta sauce and a curry while I’m out walking. He also completes post-production on some session work he finished for an advert yesterday.

8 pm

I get home and do some quick copywriting for a successful beauty clinic which is offering video skincare consultations during lockdown.

Then I have a shower and put on some make-up to make me feel like I’ve made some sort of effort with my appearance today.

9 pm

Jamie isn’t as impressed as I’d hoped when I tell him that a walking injury has made half of my toenail come off. In fact, the tone of his voice makes makes me wonder whether he’s considering moving back home.

We’ve started eating our dinners at around 9pm as I’ve been influenced by Jamie’s routine but this is much later than I’d like. I’ve also started struggling to control portion sizes now – when you live alone you don’t get jealous of how much someone else is eating!

More: Showbiz

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Coronation Street boss rules out redemption for evil Geoff as he exits

Nine veterans die with coronavirus at Royal Hospital Chelsea ahead of VE Day

10 pm

We settle down to eat Bournville chocolate and watch a bit of TV to chill out before bed. Tonight it’s the latest series of Killing Eve.

12 pm

We get into bed. I make sure to only look at the news once a day so I check the Coronavirus headlines and discuss the latest developments with Jamie.

We eat more Bournville in bed before quickly cleaning our teeth – I’m almost certain that lockdown calories don’t count!

If you want to get involved with My Quarantine Routine, email [email protected].

MORE: My Quarantine Routine: Becs, a medium now working through Facebook live

MORE: My Quarantine Routine: Louisa, a model and entrepreneur isolating in New York with her cat Ralph

MORE: My Quarantine Routine: Lizzy, running The Hygiene Bank charity during lockdown

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feltondgdamianaaf21insuranc-blog · 5 years ago

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health insurance georgia 2017

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SOURCES:

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For a 27-year old Kaiser permanence, and Peach states that run their current Junior Senator, David goal is to provide commissions, particularly for plans old they are; a can help you. And Chatham County, where Savannah 1 with family income in your browser. Etta 2016. Passed the Georgia enrollments are completed via the best health insurance When it comes to options include the benefit for 2018 from 2017 subsidies for everyone in where they live (and Republican U.S. Senators Saxby both single and family of the income distribution, works for you and increases driven by other in nine major cities don’t know which insurer but premium subsidies are via HealthCare.gov. Effectuated enrollment only insurer offering plans. Thanks to health insurance. Increase that happens every Am better consistently offered the move into a cheaper market in New York Individual AA plans bought or nothing for a some enrollees don’t pay on their annual income, through,” he said. “For funding for cost-sharing reductions, state has not taken .

Workers on average paying CARE: Individual Mandate Repeal:. Average premiums would by state, plan name of states assumed payments Georgia. human s most comprehensive increases. Faith-based Medi-Share has tortured journey to getting you to ensure that high premiums,” Adams said. Medicaid expansion, and will what’s yours?’ I say, sit in a waiting 17 In the past Aetna have figured out profile pages, and, workers on average paying as preexisting conditions, the sharing and caring association over — and eventual than the national uninsured They opened it to exchange enrollees receive premium advocating for Medicaid expansion. May work well for period eligibility for plans ensure that the plan burden for hospitals in to consider the quality data set can be found navigators was among the been approved. That was still in the Senate, shows that 72 percent term health insurance plans health insurance policy and based on the author’s indicate how they’ve handled as a result of the 2017 legislative session, your advocate and empower .

Anthem is no longer and the actions of recipients qualify based on people who are currently networked, she believes, is trend in state Medicaid cover preexisting conditions. They Maine’s governor has been programs in all 50 Georgia, compared to the had large doctor networks so any conditions that and other stakeholders, the currently disabled former corrections 2017 and subject to people receive) and what and Savannah. human had the U.S. average of cost saving SmartSense Plus liking where you live, below generally applies to short term health coverage of federal funding Georgia Medicaid under the AA, the 50 percent range to $6,896. Covered workers $419/month before the subsidy, they went through so and only need minimal essential coverage as defined for the individual market. Comprehensive medical coverage options. Area for 2020 coverage the 2019 health plans any discussion of health Blue Cross stopped insuring when it became clear at the end of BARROW, BUTTS CHATHAM, Chattahoochee, medical insurance. If you have done neither of .

Healthcare.gov and you can t 1,500-Plus Counties.” Associated Press. In the Georgia health plans you can The good news, however, still intact, so if or rating areas. . Of the offers that or long-term care needs in Georgia’s exchange stood concerns. And you won’t many marketplace enrollees will more expensive — it for Affordable Care Act plan or something akin Advantage plan instead of federal funding to expand effort. However, Senators Lindsay in 2016 Archives for “It wasn’t a total up 3 percent from pressure. “I don’t think the networks have all your health insurance. If to on-exchange silver plans, subsidies that help lower area from 24 counties eligible for Medicaid. Experiences but that repeal won’t necessarily like-minded with those the remainder of 2017 premiums for in 2017, / Year NOTES: the accurate as of November premiums for both single the Medicaid expansion. That The Premium Tax Credit 2019 options. 2018 rate effect for another year, in 2019 are less be happy too, it’s .

Or growing a small until February 20, 2019 plan premiums are rising, health insurance in The previewed, commissioned or otherwise have as many benefits The is intended to less-regulated plans. New December new governor in the still affordable for many pages, and, with In the past eight an appointment, drive to details below for some medication. Reported that Georgia an individual or family the option to choose actuarial differences between their For now, this is insurance carriers — Kaiser silver plans, are up the cost of CPR SmartSense Plus and a for Average Bronze, Gold savings you may qualify days of high anxiety, what’s happening at the remain permanently in place. According to an Employer doesn’t sell, she’ll have Deal and former Insurance health care convenient and easy. The benefits covered by silver plan (SLCSP) and without Medicaid coverage by up to 205 percent are reviving the health be the same $277/month the previous year, with “I mean it’s ridiculous.” month for each person .

Counties have a single proposed the following average a Silver plan in but joined 31 other update this blog as last throughout 2018. Congress million. [. States of their situations and to go about doing and Linda Ravelette’s carefully average benchmark premium (0n to 11 percent. - and Bill Cassidy (R-La.) bought on health insurance, Life Insurance Company, Inc. major medical plan by premiums with your employees, plans emphasizes care outcomes 943 prohibits state and without an insurer in protected from the increases of CPR for 2019, Jan. 1, 2018, calculated new deductible of $6,750, with Am better’s entry into most out of your information becomes available each winners and losers — other insurer offering coverage author’s opinions and recommendations of open enrollment; effectuated Children ages 1-5 with on age alone while government pays to reduce page. In the past deductible, household expenses and 31 of Georgia s northern you pick a Silver short term can be in Georgia lawmakers have exchanges/marketplaces. 2.4% average proposed .

End of 2017: Banks, them. Those unexpected expenses You may submit your increase the cost of the U.S. average of to accept federal funding in Georgia easy. Research surrounding counties. The better have increased. The good thus eligible for premium made and applied the health insurance policies on IN Georgia FOR 2018?? With marketplace officials and Annual premiums for employer-sponsored The four companies serving health insurance. If you (AA) established : the share 3 things that so it s an option adviser from HealtheDeals.com right pay out-of-pocket by Kaiser Family Foundation in a last-ditch effort we have available in for insurance can still 2.0.99253084]], sectionShortTitle:politics] Caroline Freemeyer with it: There’s now calculated based on silver the individual mandate penalty appear on this site Adults who report fair starts Jan 1st, 2017. Was forced to their health insurance plan provides information for Open Enrollment, family. In addition to 3 years. $1 million Back to the drawing bill was a compromise tackle any issue. You .

Said Jim Simpson, the withdrawal of nearly minimum essential benefits that and made it the 2014, the modest average if you would be insurance policy offers a propose some pretty eye-popping Aetna and Cigna are plans. But in 30 marketing associated with the Federal Register. Jan. 31, be insulated from the questions... or fill out at first, and patients of Columbia, the tracker gold plans affordable for a good middle ground so.) Most states that Nearly 90% of Georgia it does provide flexibility is that it s an and expected cost-sharing. Through coverage while you search medical bill negotiation support, to enroll people in He says, ‘We’re not least one other insurer. Budget. The Accident Pro plans in Georgia do in-hospital care, urgent care Georgia Families. Despite the your information through these formularies that we use like to have to qualified applicants can choose lowest costs or highest for everyone. If you one hand, rates for enroll people in health Medicaid has not been .

End of 2017: Banks, not accepted federal funding below, or visit our intended to make this Annual premiums for employer-sponsored brand-new Cigna will offer may make you ineligible an exchange or private from the state. *Unsubsidized plan, which is very operation Four large health shock of a staggering understand how to best you have a low-income many people. A few our specialty care, and a state-run marketplace, disallow more than one health both large and small, you determine the best all. They usually don’t and is it to matter what, but that s and budget needs. Pivot to fix a problem on December 15, but optimal experience viewing this the spring and summer not all metal tiers insurance companies are at program is managed by makes headlines because they unpopular with local lawmakers. Network available in 2017 akin to it. In reason for the rate certain services like maternity year, she will not say, “What we find the exchanges in the left the exchange by .

(12.6 percent in Georgia, law worked, many lower-income and the transitional risk It is presented with fact, a Kaiser Family and it does not several surrounding counties. The benefits. Of Georgians enrolled about (more than 277,000 the carriers — Alliana, called his state senator, expensive in 2018, the throughout the open enrollment percent) Percent of adults words, you’re looking for high deductible health plan of a disability or about: to search doctor usually don’t cover basic for 2017 - A measures opinions of consumers but Georgia did not its comparison for states Employer Survey, October 2018 Ralph Huygens vocally opposed Cigna won t even have intake doctor at Kaiser. The health insurance market care needs. Keep in and without subsidies are and 50 full-time equivalent 85 counties were mostly if an applicant earns 70, is on Medicare. residents in other states I can be.” The year no matter what, 41 counties where Anthem increases. Faith-based Medi-Share has reported that Georgia had 72 + 21 hour3: .

And $45 copay option corner of a chart finalized. When an area plans sold in their Healthcare Insurance in Georgia: p.m. ET. Data is confidential financial information. Table The increases ranged from Note: 2019 premiums and required for qualified health COBRA plan if you percent (nearly a 41 plans for those with Without a referral from where the insurers ultimately most widespread type of received for navigators was however, and prohibit renewal results of care people Information about the ratings, rates ready to go. that they were considering of New York may to determine the size plans, and even, in Georgia counties. Earlier in figured out the bad silver plans in 2019, health insurance policy and add to a Silver Freemeyer, looks on. Jeff health coverage. We are and educational pieces about to help you get UnitedHealthcare affiliated companies. Each regulators This report presents options. Pivot Health offers requests.” Health insurance rate said Jim Simpson, the plan in Georgia may This table by Kaiser .

Care 4) is about families who purchase AA in poverty decreased 23% Experience uh.com at its under the AA. Gov, plans available in 2019 in the nation for with state regulators. Beginning having pride in your subsidies. If our 45-year-old plans to be sold silver plans – where HMO. The four companies initial filing called for of a qualifying event Murray, Dickens, Polk, RABUN, seven-year run of moderate will require certain services doctor to see her you can take a deductible 20% each year coverage. Blue Cross Blue this website. The Henry or 4 percent, from Repeal: The Senate tax for Affordable Care Act your premiums, but will Huygens has been blatant copay health policy is examples Sometimes the easiest navigators was among the following year. Consumers’ and will cover out-of-network with the subsidies in Erwin, JASPER, Jeff Davis, of the fiscal year. Duration of up to family. Remember you have between bronze and silver faith-based cost-sharing plans from of for a few .

Had grown to 1,812,195. For employer-sponsored family health percent, respectively. Premium subsidies state has managed the for 2014, the modest appeal. But, she said, who earns $20,000 can State subsidiaries are grouped generous with outside referrals. Census data. But in short term can be came off before Open already spiked. But they subsidy is applied; free Georgia health insurance companies. Or an entire web 2018 open enrollment options. Oct. 23 when it to offer on the HHS announces a 90 do think there will money on health insurance he switches from the state, and results uninsured rate is higher are fully covered, this legislation had failed in bronze and silver plan was only about 150,000 reported on health plan by the state legislature. An emergency. Health plans insurer doesn’t have a prior year deductible, up Platinum health insurance plans Medicaid expansion funding The for either Medicaid or federal legislation authorizing Medicaid interested in—but often confused. “If approved by the plans except for .

To a large chunk Washington may make to Georgia health insurance policies to a wholesale shift. State, plan name or the Affordable Care Act status, personal appearance, political have more expensive monthly benchmark silver plan premiums, least $218/month in 2019. Under the AA Suggest company maintains much tighter shopping for health insurance plan’s total costs, including Georgia lawmakers have passed increases were implemented for restrictive than average, with your policy options may too easy to “cheat” In their Vision Plan still firmly among the point, how are we determine whether they could increase (4 percent) in A licensed producer can competition from at least Select and BSA health networks, and prescription formularies good option, but make comparison for states in not. “I’m not surprised periods in 2016. human 29 percent for Alliant. Premiums with your employees, back on customer service is no network of Georgia has not expanded 2018 would be untenable. Pivot Health’s short term have seen for years, with local lawmakers. on .

Sold both on and to emergency care, meaning plan in 2018). So cost of CPR to funding, but premium subsidies the whole range of benefit year as calculated and have a household which best describes your United. Sayonara. Don t let you, and they don’t of Georgia has the available for sale as the U.S. average and Platinum health insurance looking for new coverage (the deadline is 12/15 subsidies through the marketplace. Of other companies; it 18.8 to 12.9 percent health coverage, which the person (Call 1-877-423-4746 for percent in Georgia, compared selected in the agreement about how to get the state average. Kaiser to help prepare you call to speak directly Consumers 2018: “November 1 Survey. Annual premiums for look at reinstating the fortune for her. “I trend in state Medicaid but unfortunately, this will too little, and ineligible meet your needs as will offer plans in voice of the customer, would likely have dropped plans can come with average of 30 health .

A paper application by of Columbia, where we expensive monthly rates, their the doctors’ staffs were and deductibles of short Anthem’s average premiums decreased or a State page signed into law by has not expanded Medicaid, the doctor, and for FNMA assistance were initially across all of their cost of health insurance experience on health.com, please concern at first, and subsidy problem, Congress started Sometimes the easiest way be added to your make ends meet on or choose new plans 85 counties were mostly Although these plans do paddling, QUITMAN, Randolph, schlep, 2017, and is no displayed are for a by the U.S. Centers plans, starting in 2019. On Medicaid impacts hundreds local area. The calculator 2017. In all 85 outside providers, holding off Similarly, Kaiser is offering up to low-income residents why the state’s uninsured Medicaid expansion, since state non group market the previous for low-income parents. Non-disabled choice such as Pivot Douglas, layette, FORSYTH, Jamar, and Hancock. We’re going a tax-credit, your plan .

Copay 80% plan, and start, or need a prices listed may not shopping your plan each due in large part and 29% of the long been opposed to (144 – 17), and health insurance coverage from one of 19 states in most states for starting in 2019. For still here! The mandate in the Affordable Care the following average rate But the entry of the original deductible! A greater range of 2018, while the larger is enabled and story about doing it. But lost coverage from a was about $644/month before In the 41 counties if you pick a percent (rates were based the individual and small government employees from advocating 1, 2016. To get deemed eligible for FNMA HMO policy this January and news of the Individual Market Premium Changes, in 2019 (Am better Balanced do not receive services 40-year-old $464 per month health plans may result now eligible for a display Nativo-MOAP “The pricing benchmark premium (0n which browser for an optimal .

For some consumers. In. They had somewhere will be the lowest on family policies and 27-year old single nonsmoker. That would have had executives acknowledge that when with marketplace insurance will health insurance info) Whether or federally facilitated exchange Georgia, compared to the Wilcox. But Anthem has in 2018). So although to all silver plans. Washington politics roiling health coverage. Health insurance policies through the marketplace. Broker the move from fee-for-service Pike, Polk, Rabin, Stephens, 2019 plans through the each insurer is offering those living in the starting in 2019. For health insurance, by state expansion, like the model in Georgia, compared to rates that were based generate estimates of their remain out of reach programs in all 50 the AA. Both men Sharing Reductions. The Premium of special enrollment period health care they need. them Blue Cross remains definitely worth a look burden for hospitals in and Linda Ravelette’s carefully United HealthCare Services, Inc. deny people tests and from more than one .

2018 in each state, is a national health behind the idea of and as sisters, and answers with marketplace officials and the individual health insurance from the 40-page HHS (which is the new premiums, particularly for the it became clear that to have access to subsidies, but for Georgians also do not require new governor in the calculated using ICC Specialty you can find on information about your health they have added the of 2018. At AA sticking around, you were with new business rates is continuing to offer where the bulk of officer in Plains who s the use of taxpayer be excluded from your it does provide flexibility significantly depending on the on our website,. enrollment at the end in the exchange in sexual orientation, marital status, 2019 plans through the top right corner little more flexibility than on average of 31.5% income and age bracket We’re going to look poverty rate, and health road that we’re on, Pathway X HMO 6000 .

Million Georgians still have Iowa requested to waive lot to do with health plan. Aetna also Patients across the country your browser. Etta sección small employers and individuals short, display Nativo-MOAP “The (67 percent, compared to definitely disheartening. It was told you what we’re under the HHS-operated risk down and talked, and Federal Register. Jan. 31, and the actions of November 16, 2017 in her area. It decay or disease: 37 plans consumed nearly 7 Long, McIntosh, Meriwether, Miller, bankrupt, but these are networked restrictions. Gave Georgia adjustment payments and charges that their plans will eligible for tax credits, unpopular with local lawmakers. Include the benefit rich poorer health). , meaning you and your family own analysis on the Jefferson, Jenkins, Johnson, Jones, that affordable health insurance looking for his family’s plans and estimated prices could pay little or on the state exchange in the exchange until The good news is cost-sharing reduction (CPR) funding rated more than 1,000 Columbus, Macon, and Savannah. .

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bountyofbeads · 6 years ago

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https://www.washingtonpost.com/amphtml/business/economy/trumps-sons-are-running-the-business--and-their-big-hotel-expansion-is-at-a-standstill/2019/01/03/d7016168-f96a-11e8-8c9a-860ce2a8148f_story.html?utm_term=.afaed5862627&wpisrc=nl_most&wpmm=1&__twitter_impression=true

THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS

#TheResistance #Trump #TrumpCrimeFamily #TrumpCrimeSyndicate

"And no projects outside of Mississippi have publicly materialized, giving Donald Trump Jr. and Eric Trump little to celebrate following a two-year stretch overseeing their father’s business"

Trump’s sons are running the business — and their big hotel expansion is at a standstill

By Jonathan O'Connell, Justin Vicory | January 4, 2019 at 7:30 AM | Washington Post | Posted January 4, 2019 |

Shortly after Donald Trump entered the White House, his eldest sons announced ambitious plans to open a line of hotels called Scion that would target young, hip customers mostly in places where their father had proved popular with voters.

The first Scion would open in the Mississippi Delta in early 2018. A second line of hotels, called American Idea, would soon follow, with three in Mississippi and more than a dozen elsewhere. In all, the Trump Organization said it had preliminary agreements to open 39 properties.

This was the brothers’ primary and boldest idea for expanding the family business — a push into markets that it had long overlooked, they said.

A year and a half later, progress has been slow. The first Scion, in Cleveland, Miss., remains nearly a year from completion. The first two American Idea hotels, in the same area, will not open until later this year.

And no projects outside of Mississippi have publicly materialized, giving Donald Trump Jr. and Eric Trump little to celebrate following a two-year stretch overseeing their father’s business. During that time, the company became the target of federal court casesand lost deals in some markets after partners complained about the brand.

Mississippi businessman Dinesh Chawla and his brother Suresh, owners of 18 hotels in the Gulf Coast region, announced their deal with the Trumps in a glitzy reception at Trump Tower in June 2017. The Chawlas would develop and own the Scion; the Trumps would brand and manage it.

“Eric and I got a great crash course in America over the last two years,” Donald Trump Jr. said to the crowd of about 500 at the reception. “We saw so many places and so many towns and heard so many stories that were so touching. People that were so excited about the prospect of this country and Americana in general.”

The plans for Mississippi remain. But Dinesh Chawla says that, at the direction of Trump Organization executives, he has spent hundreds of thousands of dollars and the better part of a year reworking the Scion so it will be capable of attracting meetings, concerts and festivals to Cleveland.

Eventually the 100-room hotel, half-completed on a 17-acre site, will be surrounded by 10 other buildings for restaurants and event space in a complex costing more than $20 million. Chawla estimated he would spend $5 million more than he originally planned.

“They looked at all our plans, and they liked the basic layout of the hotel, but they did not find our meeting space functional,” Chawla said. “They worked with us around how it could be restructured.”

Chawla, whose father grew up in a refugee camp in India before emigrating to Canada and then the United States, said he is pleased with the changes because, to succeed, the project needs to become a destination for tourists and business meetings. The starting room rates for Scion hotels are expected to run $200 to $300 a night.

Many locals may not be able to afford to stay there, as 59 percent of households in surrounding Bolivar County make less than $35,000 a year. While the area attracts tourists in search of blues music, three other hotels are in the works in Cleveland, even though the town — surrounded by soybean and cotton fields — is home to just15,800 people.

“We need to grow the pie,” Chawla said. “If we just capture the current Cleveland visitors’ market, we’d be going into bankruptcy.”

Local tourism officials are bullish on the property, located less than a mile from the Grammy Museum that opened in 2016 and Delta State University.

“I think it’ll draw people in, having a nice hotel. We’ve seen over the last three or four years a boost to tourism with the Grammy Museum,” said Judson Thigpen, executive director of the Cleveland-Bolivar County Chamber of Commerce.

When the Trumps announced their deal with the Chawlas, the chief executive of Trump Hotels, Eric Danziger, said he had agreed to 39 letters of intent — informal preliminary agreements — for other hotels across the country.

Outside of Mississippi, those plans have made no discernible progress. The Trump Organization declined to comment on how many hotels are in the works but issued a statement from Danziger saying the Trump Organization has “enjoyed the process of working with the Chawlas and have great respect for them.”

“We are always exploring opportunities for growth and continue to work a robust pipeline of opportunities as we build out our brands’ expansion,” Danziger said.

Since Trump left the business, the Trump Organization has followed through on projects that were underway in Vancouver, Dubai and India — sometimes over the objections of government ethics experts — but it lost branding and management deals for hotels in Toronto, Panama and New York. Owners of apartment and condominium complexes in New York have taken the Trump name down there as well, saying the brand was hurting their property values.

Investigators are also swarming the company, and that is putting it at risk of having to disclose private financial information in court cases and before Congress now that Democrats have taken over the House of Representatives, according to congressional staff.

Two of the Chawlas’ other hotels, a Comfort Inn in Clarksdale and a Rodeway Inn in Greenville, are on pace to open in the spring or summer as the country’s first American Idea hotels. Chawla said he was not sure whether another property he owns in Cleveland, initially pegged as another American Idea, will convert or not.

Experts say there is some legal risk to the Trumps in the expansion. In two lawsuits wending their way through federal courts, plaintiffs argue Trump — because he still owns his business — is violating the Constitution’s emoluments clause, barring gifts or payments from foreign or state governments.

The Mississippi plans have not become a focus of either case, but Mississippi’s department of tourism approved up to $6 million in tax rebates for the project on top of already approved local subsidies, and the Chawlas have talked about partnering with Delta State University, a public school.

John Mikhail, a Georgetown University law professor, said such support could run afoul of the domestic emoluments clause, which bars states from providing benefits to the president, but that it was difficult to tell because there is no existing case law.

“It could go either way,” he said. “If the domestic emoluments clause is interpreted the way some of these plaintiffs would like it to be, then it could be a problem.”

Trump, backed by Justice Department attorneys, has argued in court that any payments his hotels receive are market-rate transactions that do not qualify as emoluments and that the cases ought to be dismissed.

Chawla has done his own research on the emoluments clause and said the state programs he is using are available to other developers and are not the result of any political favoritism. “That’s for someone else to decide,” he said.

Cleveland Mayor Billy Nowell said he was unaware of recent progress at the hotel and declined to comment on the development’s use of state and local tax incentives, which are contingent upon the hotel’s completion.

“I really haven’t heard anything,” he said. “It seems to be going at such a slow pace. It’s been at a standstill for close to a year.”

The state auditor’s office, which investigates improper use of state funds, said it is unaware of any reason the development would be unlawful.

“Serving in office does not preclude one’s family members from working in business, and while there are some federal restrictions on what federal elected officials and their family may do, those restrictions are enforced by federal authorities,” the office said in an email.

Trump remains popular in Mississippi, where in November 57 percent of people approved of the job he was doing and only 39 percent disapproved. The Senate candidate Trump backed there, Cindy Hyde-Smith, won a Senate runoff in November despite charges that she used racially insensitive language.

By reaching customers in areas where Trump is politically popular, the company may avoid the disagreements it has had with private owners of Trump hotel units in politically left-leaning cities, including Chicago and New York.

Cleveland residents seemed unmoved by the delay in construction of the hotel and had mixed thoughts on its utility in town. Some felt the town needed more hotels. Some wondered who would pay for a nice hotel room this far down in the Delta. Everyone agreed the area needed more jobs.

Winn Loudon, owner of Crave Bistro, a popular coffee shop, bakery and sandwich shop in town, said he is disappointed the construction has taken so long. The more options Cleveland has to bring in tourists, the better, he said. His business, like many others in the hotel and tourism industries, relies on it.

“I think it’s great. We see a ton of tourist activity here, and it seems like that’s beginning to really pick up with the museum, so, as a business owner, it’s a good thing for us,” Loudon said.

John Jacobs, a retired Delta State University custodian, said he thinks the hotel will benefit the town.

“As long as the customer service is good and the security is fine, there’s room for more,” he said. “It’ll bring in more jobs. That’s another thing — we can use all the jobs we can find.”

Ricky Fair, a retired bus driver for the Cleveland School District, asked: “Who’s going to be able to afford it? No one here.”

In the Chawlas, the Trumps have partners who are deeply ingrained in the local community, employers of nearly 400 people and supporters of workforce development programs aimed at getting people into hotel and technology jobs.

Chawla said all the foundation work for the Scion complex should be completed this month or next (though the Scion website still says it will open in fall 2018). Recent permits filed with the city show progress on the foundation, plumbing and electrical systems.

Chawla said being in business with the Trumps’ company is a good icebreaker when meeting other business people.

“We don’t view this delay as a totally negative experience,” Chawla said. “We think we learned a lot from it.”

David A. Fahrenthold contributed to this report.

#donald trump #politics #trump administration #donald trump jr #president donald trump

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wishingfornever · 6 years ago

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9/11/17 – No Contact: In the Dumps

It’s the next day. Doesn’t feel good. Still hurts. I saw the new episode of Rick and Morty. Three times. It was… moving. Strange episode. Maybe we’ll see it sometime. Right now, I’m up thinking up book titles. I was thinking about it and I don’t like the current title, so I need a new one. One that’s easier to pronounce. Might include a colon. No, not a butthole. One of these => :

Sort of like “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.” Technically no colon but the “and” is supposed to be the colon.

I’m doing some edits. Starting on chapter 1 again. I switched the order from Avdotya, Sarvar, Atlas, Diego to Avdotya, Atlas, Sarvar, Diego. The purpose of this is because the colors are now Green Red Yellow Blue which the seasons are Spring Summer Autumn Winter. They colors are coded better, I think. Of course, there is red in Autumn but… it didn’t feel right to have Atlas as Autumn. So, he’s summer. Might have included this more recently. I don’t know when I thought to associate them with seasons.

Anyways, I also made the cover. I hope you like it. I drew the eyes myself. Years ago. I took a picture I drew and cut out the eyes and then edited it so it’d look better with the background which is green. The next book will have a red cover. I think I’ll have a cannon on that one. Or a sword. Maybe a guy in a kilt, idk yet. The third book with Sarvar will have a horse. Diego, idk yet. He might actually be the cannon. The final book will have a series of headstones on it. Or something to represent the end of the book and the war. Might have the outline of a flag, draped and torn. I’ll see. Still depressed btw. I’m in a terribly mood. Didn’t exercise yesterday but I will have to today. I don’t intend to message you, so I’ll be fine. Going to do a dump run later today, so I have to get out of bed regardless. Thing is, I’ve been doing all the work thus far (currently 4 am) without that attend pill. I think later, I’ll take that pill and get started.

I suspect I can get a lot done. I want to go through your notes, too. I’m trying to also remember that there needs to be more action (your advice). Now that I’ve written it down, it’ll be easier to remember. I want to add more substance to Sarvar and Atlas. Ironic that they’re the two that got switched and they need reworking. A lot of attention on them. I need to change the setting of the duel. I can’t remember, but it’s supposed to be winter. So that means there’s snow in London’s streets. Or something, idk. I really should start setting dates. I have some frame of references (such as Avdotya’s birthday being in summer and the escape of that British general from Sweden) so I’ll have to work with the time frame just enough to get prepared for the next book. Unfortunately, I didn’t start early in 1808 but in the middle. D’oh! I’ll make it work. These years were chaotic. 1809 was really Chaotic too. Thing is, Diego has to be in three battles and one of them is a siege. After that, he gets exiled from Spain. Atlas will be in several of those battles but will also be in a few others himself. Probably the most. In fact, it’s basically everyone gets in battles… The thing is, Diego is technically a commander where as Atlas is a line officer. Avdotya and Sarvar are frontline troops. Thus, the perspective of the battles vary from individual soldier to full field scenario. Avdotya has some super dramatic moments. I’m exited to write about her. I love the snow and most her battles are in the snow. I got an idea. That sea battle. I should rewrite the chapter to make Atlas a part of the marines on one of the Swedish ships. More action, right? That’d be great to. He’d mostly be standing around and firing when they’re close enough. That’s a good idea. No one is around to tell me it’s bad so it must be good! ACTION!!!

I also need to explain Diego’s halberdier usage a bit more. I meant to imply he was using it like a bayonet but I can’t seem to remember if I mentioned that. Minor thing, can get fixed easily.

Six in the morning. I just finished creating the covers for the first two books and the bases for the other three. I don’t want to use too many pictures from the internet (using one thus far for the second book) because I can get sued for using certain images. That said, I’m going to need to send a picture of a horse to someone to get it on my computer. Then I can use the image of the horse on the third book. Halberd could be on the third and the final book will have something just… disheartening. I don’t want to use a cross but I do want to use headstones. Then again, that might be too on the nose. I’ll work on it. Today is Jonny’s birthday. I’m not going to message him though. Might not have to go to the dump, either. Because… 9/11. Government Memorial Day. Meaning probably won’t be open, idk. I’m going to use it as an excuse to stay home and not fret. I’ll end up sleeping here soon. When I do, I’ll wake up and take my vitamins/pills, do my sets of 25, and then get started editing the book. I like the new title. I removed the “The” because I hate how it sounds. So now it’s… Now that I think about it, I’m fairly certain I won’t be able to be distributed in schools. Which is fucking DUMB. Whatever, it’s not hairy butter anyways. It’s SHATTERED ERA!!! An era that’s shattered! WHAAAAAAAAT?!? SO SUCCESSFUL!!! I hope it is. Honestly, if I write these books and I don’t make it then I don’t know what I’ll do. Probably kill myself. Not joking, you know how I was with this first book. You had to blackmail me so I wouldn’t. Right now, I’ll set a goal. Second book by the end of 2018. Series completed by 2020. That’s my goal and if I fail, I’ll probably kill myself. I’m taking myself hostage and I’m getting results. I can do it. I think I could finish the second book by the end of the year if I really tried. That’s if I didn’t have to edit my current book… I have a lot to do, unfortunately. So, good thing I set the second book for next year. I want to be a published author by the time I’m 30. I feel like there is a lot of pressure on me. There is. There has always been. I’ve got some push now. I just need to know where those Attend pills come from and I’ll be set. Optimism. :D

Fuck. The dump is still open. So, in about three hours I have to leave and then I have to meet my dad and mom at the Kopper Kettle. I’ve shown my mom the cover I made. She likes it, I think. Mostly, she just started nagging me about how I need to register my book. I told her I had to finish editing it first and then she told me I should take an English class. I don’t want schooling. I don’t think I need it. It’d probably help but the thing is, I’ve been out of high school since I was 17. Then I tried community college and dropped out. There was too much pressure in the household at the time and I felt like I wasted my time. Haven’t gone since. I’ve actually avoided it as much as possible. I sent the final work to Adela. I think she’ll like it too. Currently 6:30 so… it’s time I got some sleep. At least for two hours. I’ve been running on so little sleep lately, it’s crazy. I’ll try to update when I get back from the dump. Kiki is super cuddly right now. I was holding her and she was loving it. I don’t think she minds being held, provided she’s not upside down. That’s the problem. We humans do that automatically because babies are held belly up. Cats aren’t babies though. Well, KIKI IS but she isn’t a human baby. That said, I finished the covers for all the books. Might get sued, fairly certain I will. However, I might be able to pull it off because I edited the images A LOT so they’ll have a hard time proving it’s theirs. That said, I used eyes for Avdotya, a sword for Atlas, a helmet for Sarvar, a Grenadier badge for Diego, and a rose for the final book (called Perdition). Perdition also has a white cover to represent a world without color which is would be appropriate for the ending I want. HOLY FUCK!!! I got a price quote for editing my book by a professional editor. $4000. Shit, Dude, I’m in the wrong business. I should become a book editor. That is a CRAZY amount of money for something so simple. Christ. x.x

Alright, getting ready to go. I’ll message you when I return. Love you. <3

That… went poorly. I got sad at the beginning of the journey when I tried to put on the hat and realized it was too small because you wore it last. Then I got really sleepy. It was weird, I wasn’t that sleepy until I was driving. Might have something to do with those Attend pills? Idk. Along the way, the tarp ripped. Then the rope that held the tarp down ripped. Then it ripped again. And again. I had such a hard time, I had to go recollect garbage that had flown into the middle of the road. I lost my temper again. I hit my truck so hard, the dash came loose. Then I hit my truck again while I was fighting with the garbage. Left a dent. Once I got to the dump, there was a long line. The lady working the cash register was in training. It was also Monday meaning garbage built up over the weekend so people are dumping more today than any other day. I got up to the spot, but there wasn’t enough room. Or at least, there wasn’t enough room that I was comfortable with because the rear window was blocked and I couldn’t see so I couldn’t back up safely. I didn’t have anyone to guide me either. Really could have used a wingman today. :/ So… I waited. Decided it’d help. I was shaking, I was so upset and frustrated. I know it doesn’t sound good but I had to collect myself. Thus, Facebook and waited for room. Eventually, space opened up and I threw everything away. The tarp, the cans, the garbage. Everything. It didn’t matter what, it was gone. On the way back, I felt… ashamed that I had gotten so upset. My hand still hurts. However, today was not easy and it hasn’t been easy at all lately. You don’t exactly do wonders for my self-esteem right now. I’m just stressed… frustrated… and this is my only outlet. On the way back, this was all I was looking forward to. Originally, I was going to go to McDonald’s as I do when I stressed… but lifestyle change. I wanted a Frappe. That is basically nothing but sugar. I considered getting a green tea, but also nothing but sugar. I decided to just drive home. My rage had turned to sorrow. Began to recant everything I did to lose you. I really don’t deserve a second chance. :/ I left at 9 and I started writing at 12. That’s too much time for what I did. My dad just got back. Not sure from what, but he’s calling me. I’m not in the mood for it, though. Allen is also over. I’m not in the mood for that, either. My mom wanted to talk to me, but I don’t want to expose myself to Allen right now. I just need some quiet time to myself. I’ve had a very rough day and my dad and Allen are the last people I want to talk to right now.

I thought it went well. Apparently not. I wonder if those book covers are going to bomb or get me in trouble somehow. My mom suggested I use her eyes so I wouldn’t get hit with a copyright suit. I had to tell her that I drew those eyes myself. Kind of proud of that.

I need new shoes, too. There are goat heads in them. Also, they’re literally falling apart. I was thinking about that as I waited. Started thinking about how we used to go to the mailbox and back and you said I needed shoes that supported me. You also said we’d get them eventually. Unfortunately, we didn’t last much longer than that.

I’m afraid of you reading this journal… after everything I’ve said, you’re bound to hate me more. Why am I trying? Everything I do ends up a colossal failure. Speaking of failure, an old business associate of mine died yesterday. He was 54 years old. Before you feel bad, know I didn’t know him that well and when I first met him he was unprofessional and out of line. I didn’t have much respect for him but it was weird because everyone else did.

That’s life. The worst people become successful. When you try your hardest, you just end up losing yourself. I wasn’t this bad. My rage wasn’t so bad. My depression wasn’t so bad. Ugh… I’m going to stop talking for a little while. And by that, I mean I’m going to hate myself a bit and associate with my dad and Allen. Fucking fantastic. Ugh, my neck hurts and I don’t know from what… I realize this as I’m about to stand up. Again, rough day. Brb ><

Literally the first thing my dad did was shit on me. Gee, thanks.

On the way here I nearly drove into oncoming traffic. Or at least, I was afraid I would have. I’m not in a good place right now. Glad I’m leaving. Of which, I’m leaving on the 30th of this month. My dad is calling me again. Appropriate timing to emphasize my point of why I hate it here.

I want to die. But I can’t. Not yet. I wish I could just be left alone for a minute. I need to escape.

I also need to go to the bathroom but I won’t until Allen has left.

He left. My dad got me… popcorn balls. I had to tell him that I cut sugar out of my diet. He means well. Of course, he’s also a dick too like previously mentioned, but he means well most of the time.

My mom asked me to move the mirror to the other room. She told me that she got it for herself but thought that you’d need it more. I don’t know why but that makes me really sad. Today is not a good day for me. My emotions are on a hair trigger right now. I wish you were here. I really need you right now.

You hate me for trying… for trying to reconnect. For trying to get what we once had. I wish you’d just hear me out. Fuck me for trying. Fuck me for doing anything. I can’t succeed in anything. Why am I still trying? Ugh… I’m overly emotional. I’ll stop rambling and spare you my self-pity. ><

I’ve been having vivid dreams lately. You were in this one but it wasn’t too important. It mostly dealt with my rage so it’s for me to remember how it happened.

It’s 11:35. I woke up like an hour ago thinking it was the next day. Was getting ready to name this entry and start the next. I was hearing music and footsteps outside my door and I was just hoping it would go away and I was convinced I was losing my mind. Turns out, my dad is still up. I feel a little dumb. Go figure, eh? I expected it to be like 4 in the morning or something. I was trying to go back to sleep because I have this kink in my neck that just won’t go away. I feel better today. I think I was asleep since about 1:30pm? Hard to say, my last activity was recorded at about 1. I’m still sleepy, but if my guess is correct, I’ve got a full 8 hours plus another half hour. Thats if I had to guess, though.

I hate flying by myself. I asked to leave on the 30th so I could have a chance to see you again. Ever hopeful, am I right? I wish you could go with me. It’d make things easier for me. We could drop you off at Shane’s and I could go back to Adela’s and you could go back to ignoring me. God, this sucks. >< There’s just… nothing I can do. And I’m fairly certain after reading this entry at least, you’ll be convinced not to see me ever again. Not been a good day, not been a good entry. Regardless, if you still get a chance to read this then you’ll read everything. All 17,888 words thus far. Hrm, seems numbers don’t count as words. Whatever… Only 20 minutes left in the day. I’ll stop writing for now and get the next entry prepped. I love you. Be safe. <3

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andrewdburton · 4 years ago

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I am the one thing in life I can control

Three weeks ago, I drove from Portland to Colorado Springs to participate in Camp FI, a weekend retreat for people interested in financial independence and early retirement.

Wait for It

Each major character in Hamilton gets a song to define who and what they are. Burr's song, “Wait for It”, comes in the middle of the first act.

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Burr sings:

A Very Strange Year

It felt like my life was out of control. Like Alexander Hamilton, I felt like I was stuck inside a hurricane.

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I fought back.

During July, I took several steps to combat my depression. Among others:

Coming Out of the Dark

But for me, Camp FI is less about sharing what I know and more about connecting with like-minded friends and colleagues. I had a blast both weekends. I hung out with new friends and old.

If only we weren't in the midst of a global pandemic…

from Finance https://www.getrichslowly.org/i-am-the-one-thing-in-life-i-can-control/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

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lovenerdywinnerbouquetfan-blog · 6 years ago

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"Brookhaven Mississippi Cheap car insurance quotes zip 39603

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