#i am currently avoiding my depression via bath

[anadorablekiwi]

🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂

Oh! Remind me sometime and I will send you the Wriothesley playlists (with voiceovers)

🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂

Oo! Okay!!!

[maximuswolf]

Can we create a master list of things that help us when we’re not okay? Comment your own coping mechanisms! via /r/Anxiety

Can we create a master list of things that help us when we’re not okay? Comment your own coping mechanisms!

Thoughts to break the cycle - this is temporary if I believe it is - I AM NOT my perception, or my thoughts - I am the observer of the thoughts - my mind is protecting me and is stressed from not knowing how to fix it. Thank you for protecting me but it will be okay - the negative thoughts are just a symptom of depression, dissociation/dpdr, or anxiety or all of the above - thoughts are just like another one of the 5 senses. Like how you can perceive textures, smells, tastes, sounds. Your thoughts allow you to perceive an experience. But you are not your nose. You are not your mouth. You are not your ears. You are not your hand it’s just a hand that’s connected to your body. And so You are not your thoughts. You’re the one experiencing these sensations you are not the sensations. Even if you genetically are predisposed or your genetics or brain chemistry has caused the issue. Especially in this case your thoughts do not define who you are they are just a reaction your brain is creating to protect you from something it thinks is a threat. Trust me self hate and depression can be a coping mechanism: your body wants you to be better, to be perfect to avoid something negative that hurts and self hate is the way it decided to go but it doesn’t have to be that way. Tell your mind “thank you” and “I love you but it’s okay.” “We are safe” and “I am enough.” - I try to remember my goals: how I want to be happy, the things I want to add to my life that will make me feel calmer and happier. (If you don’t have any goals or ideas think of anything you want in this world to achieve, or learn, or earn and write it down and imagine how it would feel if you had it right now. It helps push you to realize you can shape your life how you want) - that someone in this world loves you. If you can’t name anyone. Your own body loves you. It keeps you alive and gives you the ability to experience things like eating yummy food, being able to pet an animal and feel how soft their fur is, being able to look up at the sky and see stars or clouds. Simple every day things that we take for granted because we get so stressed out from life and drama. Sometimes we forget we could lose our eyesight and we wouldn’t be able to see things or people that we love. We could get injured and never be able to walk, run or jump again. We could lose our ability to breathe and be hooked up to a ventilator. I like to write down anything I can think of to be grateful for everyday in my journal and it makes me feel less depressed, less anxious,and excited to be able to just .. be alive especially when I want to not be alive anymore - I remind myself that when I was a baby I didn’t have any thoughts I didn’t know shit. The way I grew up and had to experience life made it so I perceive life the way I do. I like to imagine if I was a blank slate what are the different ways I could look at my life? What are the ways I can decide to look at situations or myself? People don’t just wake up and love themselves they were taught to feel loved. Just like how we don’t wake up with these negative self hateful thoughts. We got them from somewhere. We can choose if we want to still believe our perceptions or not. But learning to be happy and to love ourself is like a skill. Just like how learning to hate ourselves took time and repeated experiences.

Self care / Self love activities - imagining an older version of myself comforting present me. And imagining myself currently to comfort past me during traumatic moments - bubble baths - napping with soothing audios, or sleep meditations - walking outside - calling a friend - visiting a family member or friend - lighting a candle and writing down an intention and meditating - journaling - cleaning or tidying up a little - eating a yummy but healthy snack - cooking or baking - (if I’m severely not okay) holding an ice cube, running my hands in cold water and splashing the water in my face, taking a cold shower, taking a rubber band on my wrist and snapping it back - reading a book - watching my favorite tv show or movie - watching a comedy - playing music and forcing myself to dance (when I’m alone of course 😅) - yoga - exercising - watching cute animal videos on YouTube - some type of video about philosophy that reminds me that I’m not alone and we are all lost - some type of video that reminds me how beautiful life can be - some type of video that reminds me that I’m not in control of my circumstance, my genetics, or the world but I’m in control of how I react that I’m the one that gives power to my thoughts

Breaking thought patterns, bad habits and doing self care every day helps immensely. Over time it gets easier and easier to feel okay and to even feel happy. But never stop doing these things for the rest of your life. You either feed the negative thoughts or you feed the positive. You either feed the negative habits or you feed the bad. You get to choose.

Hope that helps! Comment anything that you use to help when you’re not doing okay. 💗

Submitted February 01, 2021 at 09:21AM by Lovenevershuns via reddit https://ift.tt/3jenSyg

[beautyisreligion]

To distract myself from being suicidal I answered lots of questions

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? Can’t remember it’s been a while 
2. Are you outgoing or shy? More shy 
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? My fren jazmyn tomorrow :) 
4. Are you easy to get along with? I hope so 
5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? Person I like???! Like friends??? What? 
6. What kind of people are you attracted to? Girls. 
7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? Nah 
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? Professional hockey player Auston Matthews. 
9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Nah 
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Deep??? Idk 
11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? So we don’t have a cooler really 
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? Green light So far (it's alright)  Where do you go (to my lovely)  Subdivisions (the nsp version tho)  Scar tissue  
 13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?  Ye 
 14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?
 man idk 15. What good thing happened this summer?
 im too sad to b positive rn thanks 16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
 yep 17. Do you think there is life on other planets?
 hell yeah man come on

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?
 i dont even really know who my first crush was 19. Do you like bubble baths? if the bath is big enough for my gross body then ya 
20. Do you like your neighbours?
 I dont really like people in general man (not 2 b emo) 21. What are you bad habits?
 Eating all the time. Being messy. Being sad. 22. Where would you like to travel?
 Greece. And go back to toronto. 23. Do you have trust issues?
 hell yeah 24. Favorite part of your daily routine? the fuck is a routine???????//????? 
25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?
 the entire concept of “body” makes me uncomfortable 26. What do you do when you wake up? either like 8am or 4pm 
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?
 neither????? 28. Who are you most comfortable around? no one (1) 
29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? i have nver dated any person 
30. Do you ever want to get married?
 no 31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? ye 
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?
 oh bruh tons. rn i’d say tom hollands and zendaya 33. Spell your name with your chin.
 nikcfolld 34. Do you play sports? i havent moved in centuries 
35. Would you rather live without TV or music? tv 
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?
 no idea 37. What do you say during awkward silences?
 nothing. they are silent. 38. Describe your dream girl/guy?
 someone who is nice and likes me 39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?
 slavation army and winners and like urban planet 40. What do you want to do after high school?
 die 41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? no. 
42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?
 tired. specific kind of sad. 43. Do you smile at strangers?
 i try to 44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? ocean! 
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? nothing. 
46. What are you paranoid about?
 all. 47. Have you ever been high? I smoked weed once but i didnt really feel anything so i guess no 
48. Have you ever been drunk? yeah like twice 
49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? this probably 
50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? black 
51. Ever wished you were someone else?
 all.the.time 52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?
 all. 53. Favourite makeup brand? bruh???idk 
54. Favourite store?
 didnt u ask this aready 55. Favourite blog? ob-elisk 
56. Favourite colour? black 
57. Favourite food? 
 greek 58. Last thing you ate? im ashamed of it so no
 u dont get to know 59. First thing you ate this morning? mango 
60. Ever won a competition? For what? yeah a lot back in the day for ballet 
61. Been suspended/expelled? nah 62. Been arrested? nah 
63. Ever been in love? how should i know  
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?
 it was gay and fun 65. Are you hungry right now?
 no 66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? they are the same people 
67. Facebook or Twitter?
 twitter 68. Twitter or Tumblr? tunglr.hel 
69. Are you watching tv right now?
 no 70. Names of your bestfriends? i dont know what “best friends” means 
71. Craving something? What?
 death 72. What colour are your towels? blue 
72. How many pillows do you sleep with? dos 
73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? ye 
74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? in me bed: 3 in me house: more 
75. Favourite animal?
 elephants and dogs and cats and coons andbears and corvids and moths and spiders 76. What colour is your underwear?
 white 77. Chocolate or Vanilla? chocolate boo i aint a madman 
78. Favourite ice cream flavour?
 CHOCOLATE 79. What colour shirt are you wearing?
 black 80. What colour pants?
 white + green 81. Favourite tv show?
 brooklyn 99 i think 82. Favourite movie?
 lilo and stich silence of the lambs dark knight 83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? come on. obviously the OG. 
84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? both. 
85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? janis 
86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? 
Crush 87. First person you talked to today?
 me mom 88. Last person you talked to today?
 me mom 89. Name a person you hate? dad. donald trump. hitler. johnny depp. men. 
90. Name a person you love? me sis 
91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? 
dad. donald trump. hitler. johnny depp. men.  92. In a fight with someone? nah i dont think so 
93. How many sweatpants do you have? 2 
94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? lots 
95. Last movie you watched? back to the future 
96. Favourite actress?
 julie andrews 97. Favourite actor?
 heath ledger 98. Do you tan a lot? i dont leave my home thanks 
99. Have any pets?
 4 kitties and a ghosst dog 100. How are you feeling? b a d 
101. Do you type fast?
 not really 102. Do you regret anything from your past? i dont believe in regret 
103. Can you spell well? not as well as you’d hope from an AP english student. and way worse in french. 
104. Do you miss anyone from your past? yes. my lovely and dead grandparents 
105. Ever been to a bonfire party? a what 
106. Ever broken someone’s heart?
 lmao not that i know b 107. Have you ever been on a horse?
 like a decade ago yeah 108. What should you be doing? sleeping 
109. Is something irritating you right now?
 insomnia and depression and self hatred 110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? meh 
111. Do you have trust issues?
 yeeeeeEEEBOYYY 112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? dont member. prly me mam. 
113. What was your childhood nickname? one time i got called nicky and my mom got mad at the kid and i was too scared to say that i liked that someone was close enough to me to call me that but then our friendship fell apart :((( 
114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? yes, a lot. im very fortunate 
115. Do you play the Wii? wanted one when i was younger and never got one 
116. Are you listening to music right now? nah but i wish (am too lazy and sad) 
117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? am a vegetarian 
118. Do you like Chinese food? ye specially noodles 
119. Favourite book? Misery or paper towns or harry potter or percy jackson or i dont know really 
120. Are you afraid of the dark? no 
121. Are you mean? i hope not. i try not to be 
122. Is cheating ever okay? what does “okay” mean 
123. Can you keep white shoes clean? no 
124. Do you believe in love at first sight? yes. 
125. Do you believe in true love? yes. 
126. Are you currently bored? i dont know man 
127. What makes you happy? blissfull ignorance of my mental disorders even for a moment 
128. Would you change your name? yeah. my last name so that its not my dads anymore 
129. What your zodiac sign? virgo 
130. Do you like subway? yeah 
131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? wake up from the vivid day dream 
132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? deep???? 
133. Favourite lyrics right now? “And she lays down on her bedroom floor The chemicals that make her laugh Don't seem to be working anymore” 
134. Can you count to one million? what????no??? 
135. Dumbest lie you ever told? anything i ever told my dad to try to avoid his rage 
136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? closed 
137. How tall are you?
 5 foot 9 138. Curly or Straight hair?
 in between 139. Brunette or Blonde? me??? im brunette 
140. Summer or Winter? death 
141. Night or Day? death 
142. Favourite month? time aint real and neither are months 
143. Are you a vegetarian? i am :) 
144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? dark!!!!11!!!!!!!!!11! 
145. Tea or Coffee? coffee. 
146. Was today a good day? it never is. 
147. Mars or Snickers? neither. 
148. What’s your favourite quote?
 “When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep... and you're never really awake.” “I am not free while any woman is unfree, even when her shackles are very different from my own.” 149. Do you believe in ghosts?
 i d o n t k n o w 150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “About a year or so after we moved to Scarborough, my parents and their friends began having weekend get-togethers.”  

(via lookingfortronler)

[newssplashy]

I was 12 weeks pregnant at the time. As my uterus grew and my bladder seemed to shrink, I didn’t mind peeing ’round the clock.

“It’s honestly kind of fun having to go to the bathroom a million times a day right now,” I remember saying to my husband.

I was 12 weeks pregnant at the time. As my uterus grew and my bladder seemed to shrink, I didn’t mind peeing ’round the clock. That’s because, for the past 26 years of my life, I've been running to the bathroom for very different reasons.

I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease-an inflammatory bowel disease characterized largely by intense stomach cramping, diarrhea, and frequent “urgency” (a.k.a. "I need a bathroom right this second”) when I was 7 years old.

Since then, it's been 26 years of unpredictability, 26 years of wondering if this disease will ever be cured, and 26 years of trial and error with various medications, supplements, diets, and lifestyles.

It has also meant that, for 26 years, I had no idea whether I'd ever become a mother.

My pediatric gastroenterologist was the first one to tell me that I may not be able to get pregnant because of Crohn's.

Back then, that news didn't really affect me-all I cared about was spending less time in the bathroom and more time at dance class.

"How could I have a child when I couldn’t even take care of myself?"

Honestly, for most of my life, my Crohn's and flares weren't all that dramatic and usually quickly went away with a dose of the steroid Prednisone.

But when I went away to college, I started having major flares. My Crohn's seemed relentless; I spent many dark days convinced I’d never be stronger than this disease.

 During my most recent flare, thoughts of starting a family terrified me.

In 2016, I experienced a Crohn's flare that lasted about a year. It sent me into a deep depression and kept me apartment-bound for weeks at a time.

My husband and I had loosely discussed starting a family (aside from that pediatric gastroenterologist, no other doctors led me to believe my Crohn's could cause infertility), but how could I have a child when I couldn’t even take care of myself?

What would happen when I was home alone with an infant who needed to be fed, bathed, comforted, or changed, and I couldn’t get myself out of the bathroom?

I’d always wanted to have children, but at that point in my life, it seemed incomprehensible.

During one of my many appointments with my gastroenterologist, I mentioned that, in spite of my current state, my husband and I were interested in growing our family at some point. I just wanted to know what my options were, and what he thought.

 “You’ll probably have a really hard time getting pregnant for a while,” he told me in September 2017. Since my body had been under so much stress for so long, he explained that I likely wouldn't get pregnant until I was in a period of remission (a.k.a., no Crohn's symptoms).

Honestly, I didn’t think much of it at the time. In that moment, I was so consumed with trying to get my flare under control that I wasn’t exactly dying to get home and start charting my periods and ovulation cycles.

Still, his words lingered in my head.

As it turns out, my body had other plans: I'm currently 29 weeks pregnant.

By October 2017, my flare started to subside. By December, I'd never felt better, both physically and emotionally. And once 2018 debuted, I felt great. My marriage was rock-solid, and my health was finally cooperating.

"I couldn't believe that, after years of feeling at odds with my body, we were getting along."

My husband and I never decided to officially start “trying.” We just got really lucky.

On February 15, I was on the treadmill at Orangetheory and I had to stop running-not to bolt to the bathroom (for once), but to hold onto my boobs. They were killing me. I felt just not-normal enough to go home and take a pregnancy test. It was positive.

I felt nothing but pure joy and surprise-and Crohn's was the last thing on my mind, which only added to my overwhelming happiness.

My first trimester was amazing-I went through every day in disbelief.

I couldn’t believe that, after 26 years of feeling at odds with my body, we were finally getting along. It was doing the thing doctors told me it may not be able to do-the thing that, both with or without chronic illnesses, so many women aren’t able to do. I felt like the luckiest person on the planet.

 I even found a midwife who's familiar with the disease and is willing to work with my gastroenterologist, which has been incredibly comforting.

When I got through the first 12 weeks of my pregnancy with no Crohn's symptoms, my doctors believed I might finish my pregnancy Crohn's-free. (For some women, pregnancy keeps their Crohn's at bay; for others, hormones and a lowered immune system can exacerbate it.)

Everything was going perfectly-until a few weeks ago.

I am now in the middle of a mild Crohn's flare-while pregnant.

At first, I was hoping the diarrhea and urgency were pregnancy-related. I even denied the possibility of a flare for a few weeks, hoping it would pass on it's own. But because I know my body so well at this point (possibly the only positive of having a chronic disease), I knew Crohn's wanted to join the pregnancy party.

Despite the fact that I’m spending a whole lot of time in the bathroom right now-Crohn’s plus a shrinking bladder really adds up!-this flare is different.

"I’m so grateful to be in this position, that I’m not letting (a lot of) diarrhea get me down."

For one, it's not the worst flare I've ever stared down-my symptoms are mostly contained to diarrhea and urgency, and I'm working with both a clinical nutritionist and registered dietitian to get as many nutrients as possible for me and my baby (traditionally healthy foods are hard to digest during a flare). But the biggest change I notice in myself is that I feel grounded, calm, and even hopeful.

I’m not stressing over what will happen if I’m still flaring when the baby gets here. I know that won’t do me any good. Instead, I’m spending every day doing what I can to take care of myself and the tiny human that kicks me and says hi to me all day. I’m so grateful to be in this position that I’m not letting a little (okay, a lot of) diarrhea bring me down.

And while other women on the pregnancy message boards are wondering “how to avoid pooping on the table” during labor, I have to laugh a little. Because let’s be honest, I'm very well acquainted with poop.

I do have one worry that sticks out a bit more than the others: That my daughter will grow up to have Crohn's disease.

For years, I've been told that Crohn's isn't genetic. But, as far as I can tell, it seems to be common in siblings-my brother has it too. So it's tough to believe there isn't even a small genetic connection.

 I worry that my daughter will get this disease because of something I did, something I ate, something I took (no one really knows what causes Crohn's)-or simply because I have it. That fear can paralyze me. But from now until October 23 (my due date), I’m harping on the good and the grateful.

If Crohn’s disease has taught me anything, it’s that you can’t always plan life. And sometimes, that’s a good thing.

Alison Feller is a freelance writer and editor living in Weehawken, New Jersey, with her husband and their rescue pup, Ellie. Alison is the creator of the Ali On The Run blog, and the host of the popular Ali On The Run Show podcast. 

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