#i am clinically insane about this photo

[pattydia]

saw a man so beautiful that i started crying

[lightningbig]

thinking again about qmissa coming back after his trip and being too scared to go back home. feeling like he failed his family and like he failed his son and being too scared to confront a chayanne who hates him. how he looked at the wall and at their home and saw how much it had changed since he'd been gone and it made the guilt well up even more so he left, turning away, exploring other new things on the island instead. but chayanne found him anyway. and all of his fears were so unfounded because chayanne saw him again and immediately was only ever excited. just so so happy to see his dad again.

[etheries1015]

BOOK 7 SPOILERS BELOW

I finally decided to suck it up and catch up with twst book 7, I stopped after seeing Silver cry because I'm sCARED OF BEING SAD 😭😭 anyway here's a few reactions I had to it 😭

And hearing about the update coming soon-ish to ENG servers I really need to read up

Lilia pressuring Epel like the old man he is 😭😭 I love the moments that they remind us just how old Lilia actually is and how he sees most if not all the students as if they were his children/grand children, making sure they get the most out of the party and drink...its giving "What do you mean you're not hungry? Absolutely not. Here Is at least 5 servings of whatever dish I made to help u grow big and strong."

Okay I didn't take a screen shot of it but the entire section where Lilia looked kind of guilty with Ortho about exchanging addresses because you just KNOW he probably isn't gonna check in, presumably because he doesn't want anyone to get More attached to him seeing as he is nearing the end of his life span (crying shaking throwing up)

THIS. THIS. THIS INTERACTION HE HAD WITH US. I LOVE HIM. I AM SO SILLY FOR HIM. I totally forgot I changed my in-game name from my nickname to my REAL name and when he said my name I verbally yelled "WHAT THE HELL" before giggling and kicking my feet hehehehe I'm clinically insane for him

But the fact that he acknowledged us as Malleus friend probably means we've spent a lot of time at the dorms or around Lilia for him to see how our friendship and interactions with him work, and it melts my heart hehe. Being part of the diafam fr. But honestly bro back me up, I'm tired of being called a hench-human 😭💀

I wonder just how bad we must look with everyone noticing the strange shift??? Either we REALLY made a scene (tripping over, going pale) or the twst boys are just that attentive to us and I think that is the sweetest thing ever 😭😭 Ace and Deuce is so sweet for thinking of us and trying to get us out while also being polite to the people who kindly held the party. Despite not being there long, ace and deuce is willing to skip out on free food and drinks in order to make sure you're okay and I'm just 😭😭 ANGELS. I LOVE THEM.

But also the way Lilia worries for you is so sweet 😭💜 I should write a fic of sick reader and Lilia, or reader trying to tough it out because I know for a FACT Lilia would not let that slide! (Hypocrite 😐)

I ACTUALLY DROPPED MY JAW WHEN SEBEK SAID THIS SHIT. I WAS. WHAT. WHAT THE HELL LMFAOOOOO 😭 thats fucking insane bro I actually found myself chastising him thru the phone, I would NOT let that discrimination against humans bullshit pass fr 😭 slap him right upside the head and give him a stern talking to. I like seeing Lilia get frustrated, he's so cute and UGH. Although it went in one ear out the other, Seeing Lilia mad is so hot if I'm being real with y'all rn BUAHAHA.

I didnt screen shot this either (and I can't fit anymore photos on this post smh) but Silvers nose being red and obvious he was crying but Lilia confused. DudE OF COURSE he was crying!!! You're his dad!! You raised him since he was a baby, he's just now going into adulthood and doing that WITHOUT HIS DAD who is going to a far away land! Sure, traveling is a thing , but honestly nothing beats having that support just a moments away. Silver is literally the sweetest and wants to support his dad , but who's going to support him????!?! Lilia is putting him in a position where Silver feels the need to be strong and hide his tears for Lilias sake, but of course this is hard on him, its so sudden, too! Being so close to your parent and next thing you know mere days later they are stripped away from your arms?!

I just want to give them all hugs. Lilia obviously has some issues and misconstrued ideas of love (a million people have made posts and comments on this, so I will not repeat it) and I just. Need them to all sit around and be their mediator while we go thru their emotional states.

Ugh. I was in my twst burnout stage and still low key am, but fuck does it spark so much passion in you 😭😭

[madlori]

Hey! Get a camera up your butt! IT’S GOOD FOR YOU

One of my personal quests is to get everybody to get colonoscopies.

A colonoscopy has an insanely high benefit-to-inconvenience ratio. It’s not just diagnostic, it’s preventative. If they find polyps (which are basically little fleshy growths in your colon), they remove them with a quick little snip snip right there during the exam. Polyps can become cancerous if left in there, so this is actually preventing you from getting colon cancer, which is the FOURTH most common type of cancer after breast, lung and prostate. 

It can also find actual cancer present, but if you’re getting regular exams, they’ll find it early, and treatment is very effective and often pretty easy. My dad had a lil bit of colon cancer but they literally just snipped it out, no radiation or chemo needed, and he’s good to go. If he hadn’t gotten a colonoscopy, he’d probably be dead right now, or he’d have had to go through much more radical treatments.

A regular colonoscopy is one of the most powerful tools in our medical arsenal to prevent a serious illness.

BUT LORI, ISN’T THIS UNCOMFORTABLE, IT’S LITERALLY A CAMERA UP YOUR BUTT.

Yes. Yes, it is. But you won’t care because you’ll be OUT COLD. They knock you out for a colonscopy with a quick-acting and quick-recovery sedative. I am talking about this right now because I had this procedure TODAY. My appointment was at 1030. I think they actually wheeled me into the scoping room at around 1100, and I walked out of the clinic just before noon. I woke up from the sedation and was totally alert within ten minutes. Had a nice lil nap.

Most gastroenterologists recommend now beginning colonoscopies starting at age 45, and getting one every 5 years, or more often depending on the results. But if you have family history, your PCP could refer you for one much earlier. I know a guy who started getting them at 25 because his uncle died of colon cancer, and based on the degree of polyp growth the doctors estimated they started forming in his late teens.

BUT LORI I HEAR THE PREPARATION IS NO FUN.

You’re...not wrong. But it’s really just annoying.

Naturally, to scope your colon, it has to be free of...the substance that usually fills it. So you have to do bowel prep for this. Bowel prep is something you have to do for a variety of procedures but they’re pretty severe about it for this because if your colon isn’t clear they literally can’t see anything, so.

It involves at least 24 hours of no solid food (broth and jello (except red jello) is allowed) and having to drink a prep solution. There are various kinds of these the time frame required is different. My prep was a 4 liter (yes, four LITERS) of a polyethylene glycol salt solution. It’s basically (puts chemistry hat on) a deliquescent solution that pulls water from your body into your intestines which is like turning on a firehose in there. Osmosis FTW. Liquidation sale, everything must go. Don’t go more than twenty feet from a toilet. Lay in some baby wipes. You also have to hydrate like a maniac because you’re shedding water much more than usual and you’ll shrivel up like a mummy if you don’t aggressively hydrate. The solution tastes...not great. I mix Crystal Light into it and it’s better. Mixing in a can of LaCroix was also helpful.

Not all preps are like this. Every clinic has their preferred method. I don’t ask questions. I do what I’m told. Then it’s nothing by mouth at all for 2 hours pre-procedure.

Honestly? The weirdest part is afterwards when you can eat again, and your whole guts have to kind of...fill back up. SO MUCH rumbling and noisemaking and squeaking.

The fun part? My clinic gave me a prinout of various photos of the inside of my colon, all squeaky clean like it hardly ever is. I might frame them.

The take home lesson here is that a colonscopy is super important, can save your life, isn’t uncomfortable at all, and you get to look at the inside of your guts. Win all around.

[moonshynecybin]

other than rosquez and bezz and cele who comples u the most from the current (or past) grid?

okay so i am truly a baby motogp fan so im still feeling it out but!!

im interested in the pedrenzo lore but dont know enough about it! i just enjoy when men hate each other comma weirdly. so someone evangelize me about it

but the bulk of my braincrazy this weeks has been regarding casey stoner. he compels me sooo much i love a hater. more detailed under the cut but i get personal~ so read at your own risk i guess

actually so. hmm. VULNERABILITY ALERT: the thing is. i do somewhat. relate to casey in lots of ways. like looking at a person like marc marquez its easy to call him crazy (and even easy to call less reckless riders crazy) because its a very dangerous sport with lots of injuries but i do kind of get it. because i know a LOT of people like marc and the other riders. like my entire family is like that lol. family motto is "but did you die?" and like sometimes its close!! adrenaline junkies allllll of them

basically! i was heavily involved in a very niche extreme sport (whitewater kayaking) from a young age bc my parents (and brother) were/are very very good kayakers. some of the best in the world for a bit there. like for context: i know multiple olympians and did a few clinics with people who are now olympians when i was a kid/young teen before i quit. and my dad really wanted me to be an elite kayaker bc i was a little better than my brother. not as intense as some dad/coaches but its like. hard to articulate how integral to the fabric of our family this sport is. and how many people i know who have drowned/been permanently injured from it and how everyone i know loves the sport despite that, in ways that are really hard to understand from outside of it. like yes they are crazy (and marc is crazy) but if any one of us was away from a river for more than a month at a time we WILL go insane including myself.... theres photos of me being conerningly young in the cockpit of a kayak that i look at now and im like. who let me do that lol.

so its interesting for me to get into motogp with all these kids staring way too young and knowing each other and coming up in the sport and sacrificing their safety at the alter of a death sport they love so, so much because. hey i lived that! people i love still live that! im involved in the industry still! i cant let whitewater go, even if i do a less dangerous version of it now!

but i quit! because i was battling anxiety. which is an already alienating experience but ESPECIALLY when your entire life is dominated by a sport that is exclusively for people with maladaptive adrenaline responses lol. and when i was reading stuff that casey said about his retirement and how he would lie in his motorhome wanting to die before a race and then just. tell himself to suck it up bc he couldnt let people around him down.... well. same! i would literally cry before every kayak clinic or river trip for years until i had enough and fucking quit! and then i grew up, got an anxiety medication prescription, and started doing forms of the sport that didnt rely on me being strapped in to a vehicle under water and freaking out all the time and im generally in a much better place with it. but its kind of an impossible thing to explain to my peers who kayaked as kids who have the OPPOSITE of an anxiety disorder, who are also the only people who have that specific experience as being a kid raised in the sport bc the sport is sooo small. and i imagine casey deals with something similar.

so this has been DISGUSTINGLY vulnerable but its casey. he gets me i get him. we are holding hands

[sardonic-sprite]

*evil cackling* I present to you: Fanfic ask game

B: Any of your stories inspired by personal experience?

&

N: Is there a fic you wish someone else would write (or finish) for you?

Hmmm ok. So for B, I guess "Adopt A Rescue" was inspired by my seeing rescue cats at a pet store, and reading how some needed to be kept together and I immediately thought of bby Jay and bby Timmy. Welcome to Gotham U came to me as a fever dream in lab one day, but nothing in it has ever actually happened to me, it's just... *flails hands around* lab

But OH

OH

I fucking forgot

Alright buckle up babies lemme tell you about Deliver Us From Evil

This bitch.

so last summer we took a family trip to a bunch of national parks in america. hiking, sightseeing, wildlife tours, photo tours... and white water rafting (wwr)

Now, I'm not adventurous, but i LOVE wwr, and it brings out my daring side like its my last day on earth. it's my family, plus i think 2 other parties, and one of those parties has these two middle school boys.

our guide and the boys are having fun messing with each other, and the guide offers everyone chances to like, go up to the front of the boat, sit on the edge, hold on for dear life, and the boys do it, and i won't be outdone by two infants who probably still think excrement-based humor is the pinnacle of comedy, so i also do it and love it. adrenaline is PUMPING i have never felt more alive, i have the biggest, wildest grin.

we reach a calm spot in the water, and the guide, who's been teasing/threatening the boys with teaching them about rapids classes the whole time, offers to do it now. he gets permission from them and their parents, and then one at a time, gets them out of the boat, holds tight to their life jackets, and starts dunking them underwater and pulling them back up, same number of dunks as class of rapids.

we're all a little shocked, but i was clamoring the whole time to also learn rapid classes, and, like i said, i am NOT going to be outdone by self-righteous munchkins. the guide really did not want to do it, lol, but i insisted, bc my absolutely BONKERS writer brain was going RESEARCH!!!!

my poor mother thought i was clinically insane, and she's probably right, but like, i'm fine, so.

anyway, that, folks, is the story of how i got myself consensually waterboarded so i could write about torture :)

Seriously, never, never, ever do that at home, though, people, like, do not. I'm giving y'all the notes I wrote the second I got my hands on my phone, so if you want to write about waterboarding or drowning, USE MY FIRSTHAND ACCOUNT NOT YOUR OWN!!

Dunked many times right in a row. Throat hurts, stomach hurts, nose runs, can't breathe, coughing, might feel like you wanna throw up. a few seconds of a break didn't help, you'll beg to stop. Barely any time to take in a breath, doesn't even help much. Frightening even when you are in control of situation. Water blinds you for a few seconds even if your eyes were closed. Disoriented and clumsy for a minute. All this was with someone going easy on me. Shivering and teeth chattering in even with water at 65ish degrees. Could maybe lead to hypothermia or get water in lungs. Being hauled into the boat scrapes you up a lil, especially if the person isn't being careful Going out of the boat you go under for a second, even with a life jacket. Hauled out/shoved down by shoulders of life jacket See water droplets in the corner of your eyes Might warm up a lil but you can get back to shivering even out of the water Hair still wet for a good while if longish Hands and knuckles start to hurt from holding onto the rope Might grit your teeth for a while Blasted heat makes it better but can also be hard to breath through your nose Chest might feel a lil sore

Q, you probably got SO much fucking more than you bargained for lmao, all I can hope is that I may have *inspired* you ;)

And as for N, yes. I desperately wish some writer fairy would just poof The Light Isn't Fadin' into completion, bc it was a hugely ambitious and nebulous project that I genuinely don't know what to do with, but that so many people have asked me about/told me they want to see continued that I kinda feel obligated now.

[alvojake]

OMFG THE NEW ENHA CONCEPT PHOTOS R MAKING ME CNENIFDNIDDJ 😩😩😩😩 ESPECIALLY JUNGWON AND SUNOO ⁉️⁉️ DJDBXJSNXNEDB

FUCKING TELL ME ABOUT IT ‼️‼️‼️ LIKE JUNGWON.... SUNOO..... JAKE.... EXCUSE ME??? SIRS???? HELLO 😃😃😃😃 I AM ACTUALLY GOING CLINICALLY INSANE

[joy2paris]

Corps à Corps - Pompidou 3/2/24

Didn’t catch the name of the photographer but super harrowing but necessary stuff. The pain and trials women have to go through is honestly insane. The story of the first woman really haunted me. It also felt interesting with the mention of the European Court of Justice - I’m hearing them mentioned so much in the lectures on law I am doing against my will - so it was interesting to see it come into contact with the things I do enjoy engaging in

theres also something so interesting about the text accompanying the photos. if we saw the photos alone, we would have no idea of the awful experiences that have changed the trajectory of these wonen’s lives. the photos themselves don’t have them posed in a way to suggest what has happened to them - almost clinical and documentation style, as if for a passport photo. perhaps far fetched, but it links to the clinical nature of the abhorrent laws, so unwavering in their strictness, that allowed these awful atrocities to occur to these women regarding abortions

[televinita]

Watched Willy Wonka (l'original) tonight for the first time in...many many years.

I still like it and the 2005 movie equally and Refuse 2 Choose, but either way you're getting my thoughts on it while they're fresh:

Things I Remember And Love:

Grandpa Joe

All the child actors, who like Grandpa are uniformly amazing and more vibrant than their 2005 counterparts

The Oompa Loompas and more importantly, their song(s); incredible and iconic contribution to the musical canon

Everything that happens to every greedy child

The golden geese who lay golden eggs!!

How incredibly 70s the first candy room set looks (not unlike the overly saturated photos in cookbooks of that era)...and yet it still looks so delicious.

Not remembered from viewing, so much, but it was quite fun to see and actually hear "no, stop, come back" in context instead of just a reaction image/gif.

Things I Forgot

-How long it takes before we finally see Wonka (I also forgot his forward somersault in greeting)

-What constitutes an "overweight child" in 1971

-Charlie's weird teacher and multiple scenes in class

-The creepy pedo-lookin' German man who sidles up out of nowhere to whisper in the winners' ears and goes apparently unseen by all the caring adults in the vicinity

-That this is a musical, despite knowing full well that "Pure Imagination" (the song I hate so much neither Glee nor Josh Groban can redeem it) comes from here. And I was in full Red Foreman "are you people singing again?" mode (minus his subsequent joining in) every time another boring-ass ballad began.

-Wonka is more genuinely insane than in my memory. Depp!Wonka is kookily off his rocker, but Wilder!Wonka is clinically deranged and I am ninety-nine percent sure no one who left the tour subsequently left that factory alive.

-WHAT IN THE ACID TRIP BOAT RIDE

-The "I said good day" dismissal, which -- wait, is that what Fez is referencing when he says that?? Did the show ever reference him seeing this movie? Wait. Can you imagine him seeing this movie for the first time while high? Oh, the gang would totally introduce him to this movie while they're all high. This fic is practically writing itself. (surely no one else has had this idea in the last 25 years)

-Also forgot how abruptly it ends. It took so long to get to the factory that I was not prepared for it to end approximately one minute after they leave his office and are still in the elevator (it has been even longer since I read the book, though)

Bonus Fun Facts

I was actually visiting my parents tonight -- we ended up watching this because Mom was browsing around Tubi and saw this, and after chatting about our memories someone suggested, "should we watch a little bit?" (which of course became all of it)

My parents both commented that it was making them crave chocolate/candy...and then at a key point, Dad disappeared into the kitchen for a bit. He returned proudly holding a 3-piece box of Ferrero Rocher and announced, "I found the golden ticket!"

[skippyv20]

Hell no! She better not use this political powder keg!!!

Hi Skippy & Friends-Pilgrim here just wondering if these quasai photos of them driving around town showing a distraught Pinocchio means she was wrecked over the recent Supreme Court decision...she would use this but it is not balanced whatsoever and not a powerful look. Just Haz looked like he could only "scarf" with his hands (wuth cast shadows causing contrast) while driving knowing this was over the top. The friend Jamina seemed to be coaching points or esle she was scolding, or both.

Who can even imagine the insanity of that scene but what gives me a little hope is the way JH was driving. I think he looks like he is washing his hands of this meltdown and doesn't really relate -maybe even thinking he is closer to being free. So, we wait to see what is afoot. I think it is her in the center of the backseat and she looks wrecked. There are no kids there with them IMHO. Possibly her blankets for the clinic. I hope they are telling her that the padded cell will really be nice. Perhaps the OBGYN mess is coming home to roost, the lies about kids is almost in the light of day, their not having success with films etc etc. I also wonder if she did something reallllllly bad we don't know about. It looks like she knows she is in deep trouble. They say narcs only cry for themselves. I am not comfortable playing with these images showing a mental case falling apart. Over and out for now...Long live the queen who looked super stepping off the train.

One picture can tell a thousand stories….thank you Pilgrim🙂❤️❤️❤️❤️

[jessilyria]

ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING WE KNOW ABOUT THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY SEASON 2

Hello! This covers everything from trailers, promo pics, interviews, and articles. Pics and links will be included. The info is in vague chronological order (as much as it can be.)

Needless to say, this post contains SPOILERS and is LONG ^‿^

If you’d like a non-spoilery version with just the basic facts please check out my Umbrella Academy Timeline.

***********************************************************************

According to Steve Blackman, season 2 is about second chances and the endgame is still to stop the 2019 apocalypse (X).

The opening scene of season 2:

The siblings arrive in the past at different times, but all in the same spot - an alleyway with some dumpsters which leads out onto a high-street. 

Noticeable locations on the high-street include a beauty salon for black people, and an electronics shop which later on closes down and becomes a base for the group.

The order they arrive in is the order the promo pictures were released: Ben & Klaus, Allison, Luther, Diego, Vanya, Five.

It will likely take a while before the whole team is reunited, and possibly longer before the siblings begin to meet the new characters: “It was several episodes before we all started to interact with each other” (X).

Ben & Klaus land in February 1960 (X). As Klaus is sober, his powers continue to develop and he uses them to impresses some people. (X)

"Klaus effectively starts the hippie movement off early by founding a cult whose philosophy is based on the lyrics of pop songs that have yet to be written. “Don’t go chasing waterfalls. Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you’re used to,” he tells one awed follower." (X)

"Destiny's Children! Let us commune with music." *starts whistling*

But Klaus isn’t as happy as he seems in this new life of cult stardom. “He can’t deal with the praise; it’s just become strangulating.” (X)

There’s also tension between Klaus and Ben, but its unknown whether this is because of the cult, because Klaus is "trying to rekindle his relationship with Dave" (X), or because Klaus’ evolved powers mean Ben can now possess him (X). Either way, Ben’s “determined not to be invisible to the ones he loves, willing to go further than ever before to make his presence known.” (X)

As Klaus is wearing the same outfit as the promo pics (and has a long beard which he later loses), its likely the following scene takes place early on.

Klaus: Now what? Ben: Remember when I told you the engine was overheating? Klaus: Yeah, well, being smart doesn't make you interesting. Ben: Neither does your beard.

Ben: You think I’m just going to keep following you everywhere for another three years? Klaus: Yeah, you are my ghost-bitch, remember?

*************************

Klaus: My skin was on fire! Ben: Good! I’ve got to get to San Francisco, I have unfinished business.

Allison is second to appear in 1961 (X). "Confused and looking for help, Allison walks into a diner and is greeted by a “Whites Only” sign, then chased across town by a group of white men until she finds sanctuary in a beauty parlour for Black women that doubles as a meeting place for civil-rights activists." (X)

Its been confirmed that the below image is from ep 1. (X)

Have you experienced discrimination by your employer?

She meets a man named Raymond Chestnut who is a “born leader with the smarts, gravitas, and confidence to never have to prove it to anyone. He has the innate ability to disarm you with a look, and is a devoted husband.” (X)

Luther appears on April 10th 1962 and lands on a dumpster.

He ends up working for Jack Ruby (X), a mysterious man who owns a nightclub (and who fatally shot Lee Harvey Oswald after Oswald was in custody for JFK's assassination). Luther’s job involves being a driver, bouncer, and underground fighter.

Its been confirmed that the following scene is from ep 1. (X)

Diego appears on Sep 17th 1963. One of the first things he sees is a televised address from President JFK.

He ends up in an insane asylum for stalking Lee Harvey Oswald and spouting “delusional claims” about JFK’s assassination (X). Its here he meets Lila Pitts, “a chameleon who can be as brilliant or as clinically insane as the situation requires”. She’s also "unpredictable, mischievous" and "sarcastic" with a "twisted sense of humour." (X)

Vanya appears on Oct 12th 1963 (X). “She arrives and gets hit by a car, driven by a woman (Sissy). She smashes her head on the cement... She remembers her name, but nothing else.” (X)

She gets a job on a ranch as a live-in-nanny for Sissy, a "fearless, no nonsense Texas Mom" who "married young for all the wrong reasons" and is "eager to rediscover what love has to offer." (X)

Because she has forgotten her past traumas, Vanya is “much more confident and more in touch with her emotional self” (X). She forms a unique bond with Sissy’s son, Harlan, who is non-verbal (X). Its been confirmed that the following photos are from ep 1. (X)

Vanya: I wish I remembered something.
 Sissy: The doctor said it would take time. Don’t push yourself.

Vanya is also slowly discovering her powers on her own.

Five appears with Hazel on Nov 15th after witnessing the world going down in nuclear explosions.

Five: What was that? Hazel: The end of the world, November 25th 1963. Five: And where am I now? Hazel: Dallas, ten days earlier. Five: ...I need to find my family.

But of course its not going to be that easy, the Commission is still out there and “will hunt us down wherever and whenever we go.”

In the trailer we are introduced to the head of The Commission, a fish named Carmichael. He sends three Swedish assassins, Oscar, Axel, and Otto, to hunt down Five and the others.

At some point they acquire a milk-truck and one of them dresses as a milkman. On a location shoot, the Swedes were seen in their truck outside a house in an urban area. They check a map and one of them pumps a shotgun (X).

Whilst searching for his siblings Five encounters a man named Elliot, an "alien obsessive (who) witnesses The Umbrella Academy's separate arrivals." He agrees to help Five find the others. (X)

“3rd EVENT, April 10th 1962″ is above photos of Luther arriving, “September 17th 1963″ is above photos of Diego arriving, and the right column are photos of Vanya arriving still in her White Violin outfit.

Five manages to find Diego in the asylum and they have a conversation.

Five: Listen to me very closely, you gibbering moron. You are not going to do a goddamned thing. Diego: Why not? Five: Because we have to stop the apocalypse. Diego: But that doesn't happen for another 60 years. Five: Not that apocalypse, this is a... new one. It followed us.
 Diego: *begins laughing*

At some point after this the Swedes storm the asylum.

“Who are those guys?!”

Diego and Lila seem to make their escape from the Swedes and the asylum pretty quickly however. Its been confirmed that the below pic is from ep 2. (X)

Based on Diego’s outfit and length of beard, the following two scenes take place around the same time. First, a heated car conversation which Five crashes.

Diego: You don’t know anything about me! Lila: I know everything. You are an open book written for very dumb children. Diego: I am n-not trying to b-be a hero, okay? Lila: Then why are you doing this?
 Five: *appears in the backseat* Because he is an idiot. Lila: Who the hell are you? Five: Hi, I’m his loving brother. Diego: Who left me to rot in the nut-house. Five: To protect you from yourself.
 Lila: Thats quite sweet. Diego: Okay. Both of you. Out.

And second, a dark encounter with a familiar figure...

Reginald Hargreeves & Pogo

The summary for episode 2 also mentions that “an incident at the bar leads Luther to Vanya,” and “Five finds an unsettling surprise in the film Hazel left behind,” which likely links to this image:

Its been confirmed that the following scene is from ep3 (X). Klaus is seen emerging from a river - now confirmed to be the River Ganges in India/Bangladesh which is considered sacred and purifying (X). Considering the series spans 10 days and is set in Dallas, this scene is very likely a flashback.

Note Ben in the background.

Klaus is also seen in similar attire in a wealthy looking house, which is potentially part of the commune where the cult operates.

Note Klaus no longer has his long beard.

And here’s Ben in what looks like a room in the same house. It's interesting to note that Ben (or the actor) is looking straight into the camera, implying its a first person point-of-view.

Apparently also in ep3 we have this delightful gem of Klaus being Klaus. (presumably theres a pool at the commune?).

Episode 3 also sees the Swedes chasing Vanya in a cornfield until she uses her powers to defend herself.

Thanks to this, Five is able to track Vanya down (X). It's been confirmed that the following pic is from episode 3. (X)

And based on Vanya's clothes, Five then takes her to a cafe to explain a few things.

Vanya: Are you gonna tell me what the hell's going on? Five: When you were a baby you were bought by an eccentric billionaire. He raised you in an elite academy with six other siblings with extrodinary powers, but in the year 2019 in order to avoid the apocalypse we jumped into a vortex and ended up being scattered throughout the timeline in Dallas, Texas. Vanya: ... Five: Any questions? Vanya: ... what do you mean the apocalypse?

At some point ollowing on from this (but unknown which ep) Luther and Vanya have this conversation:

Vanya: What caused the apocalypse? Luther: ... You did... but not alone. I was part of it, we all- Vanya: How? Luther: You got angry. Lost control, you... blew up the moon. It slammed into Earth wiping out everything.

In ep3 we see both Allison and Raymond actively involved in the protests against the segregation by taking part in a sit-in (X).

Allison: I’d like to be served, please.
 Waitress: *pointing to a Whites Only sign* Can’t you read, girl?
 Allison: Seven languages.
 Customer: Oh, you smart one, huh?
 *The door opens and many other blank protesters enter.*
 Allison: We’d like to be served, please.

However, it goes badly as "police brutally attack (the) peaceful protestors." (X).

The summary for ep3 says that “Allison reconnects with Klaus,” and in ep4 she is “searching frantically for Ray.” It seems, based on the following pics, that she finds Ray in jail and Klaus & Ben have a hand in getting him out.

Note the word "buearu" on the window and Ray in the background.

Based on Klaus' outfit, its sometime around this point he goes on a massive bender. We see him running with a bottle of whiskey, his gleeful cult following him, and dancing in a drinks aisle.

Note that Klaus is bleeding from his lip.

Following on from this, Klaus wakes up on Allisons floor, feeling worse for wear.

Ben: And how are we feeling this morning? Klaus: Ugh, peaches and cream, how are you? Ben: Curious. How many more rock bottoms are you going to have to hit before you start taking care of yourself?

In episode 4 “Vanya contends with a crisis at the farm.” Could this link to her developing romance as, despite Sissy still being with her husband (X), she and Vanya begin exploring a relationship?

The summary confirms that in ep4, “Five, Diego, and Lila crash a party at the Mexican consulate.” But the Swedes are still hot on their tail.

Note the third Swede in the background, chasing Five?

After surviving this, they return to their base. The following pic has been confirmed as happening in ep4 (X).

At some unknown point the Swedes (or two of them) also go after Allison, though it appears she fights back (and kills one of them?).

"They weren't here to sell vacuums!"

Also at some unknown point, Allison and Luther have a catch up. Based on Luthers partially healed face, this is after his conversation with Vanya in ep2.

Luther: We did it again… apparently.
 Allison: Did what again?
 Luther: Ended the world.

Also at some unknown point Vanya and Diego reconcile: “I don’t remember what I did, but I’m sorry, if that means anything,” Vanya tells Diego as he threateningly juggles a knife. “It does,” he responds, before accepting her as a confidant he can turn to for advice on how to handle his feelings for Lila. (X)

It appears that ep5 is when the whole family finally reunites. The episode summary explains how “summoned to an emergency meeting, the siblings hatch very different plans for how to spend their last 6 days on Earth.” (I have no idea what order the conversation goes in as each bit is a snippet from a different promo vid).

Five: Klaus, is Ben here? Klaus: No, unfortunately ghosts can’t time-travel. Ben: Are you kidding me?

Five: (I/We) really screwed the pooch on this one, the whole going back in time and getting stuck thing. But the real kick in the pants here is… we brought the end of the world back here with us. Klaus: Oh my god, again? My cult is gonna be so pissed. I told them we had until 2019. Five: We have until Monday.

Klaus: Is it Vanya? Allison: Klaus! Klaus: What? Its usually Vanya.

Vanya: None of us are supposed to be here, right? I mean, what if its us?

Luther: Diego's been stalking Lee Harvey Oswald. Diego: Hey, you're working for Jack Ruby! Klaus: Allison has been very involved in local politics. Allison: Okay, you started a cult! Ben: Thank you!

“We have to make it right again, before everyone and everything we know is dead.”

Following on from this, Klaus, Vanya and Allison have some bonding time in the beauty parlour.

Vanya: How do you guys deal with this? Allison: What? Vanya: I mean all of it. Time travel. Seeing the dead...?

Vanya: I’m gunna tell Sissy that I love her… I don’t want any secrets.
 Klaus: Yeah? Allison: Yeah! Yeah, yeah, you’re right. Yes. Cos, y’know, if, if its all going to go tits up the least I could do is be honest with my husband. Klaus: Oh… does that mean I have to face my cult? I just hate group breakups, thats why I stopped dating twins.

“Klaus, Vanya, and Allison end a moping session by dancing together to Twistin’ the Night Away.” (X). Its been confirmed that the following pic is from ep 5. (X)

In episode 6, “Dave visits Klaus’ compound” and “the siblings meet their father for dinner” in a Tiki bar. Its been confirmed that the following pic is from ep 6 (X).

An interview with the cast has them talking about ‘the elevator scene’ and how hard it was to shoot because everyone kept cracking up. (X)

Five: All right, quick run down. Luther; super strength, Klaus can commune with the dead, Allison can rumour anyone to do anything-
 Diego: Yeah except she never uses it.
 Allison: I heard a rumour you punched yourself in the face.
 *Diego punches himself in the face.*
 Reginald: *looking at Vanya* And you?
 Luther: Uh, maybe we don’t… take Vanya for a test drive.
 Klaus: Oh yeah thats probably not a good idea…
 Vanya: What, I think I can handle it.
 *Despite everyones protests, Vanya explodes a fruit bowl.*

Based on Luther and Klaus’ outfits, the following scenes also take place sometime around the same time (ep6/7).

First, Luther pulls up to a house in an urban area, he gets out the car and has a conversation with a man (X). This is the same house where the three Swedes were seen in their milk-truck at night.

Note the gun and flask on the seat.

Next, Allison and Raymond deal with a body (of a Swede?) while Klaus & Ben don’t help. The summary of ep6 also mentions that Allison gives Ray a peek at her powers, which is maybe why he’s on board to deal with a body.

But what's the big flash that startles them? Well it may have something to do with all this craziness:

Note the chairs and people on the ceiling.

It’s hard to tell but since Ben is there, this could be Klaus being thrown backwards? The outfit certainly looks similar.

In an interview, the cast talk about how the room had to be painted completely white (then returned to normal), and how nice it was for the character of Ben to be able to share a moment with Vanya (X). This implies Vanya looses control and Ben is able to talk her down.

At some unknown point, it looks like the siblings all return to the academy.

Note that the background behind Klaus implies he’s sat in the same seat that he did as a child.

An interview asked the question "You all eat 'brain' at a family dinner..." (X) and in a different interview the cast talk about the brain acid trip (X). Could this be when that happens?

Either way, things likely don’t run smoothy. “Reginald still proves just as capable of preying on their deepest insecurities, while somehow leaving them attacking each other instead of him.” (X)

The summary for ep7 mentions someone named Carl issuing a warning to Vanya, and in ep8 it states that the FBI torture her, so its most likely the following images are from this time:

The tape recorder is turned off...

The figure from behind slaps a cloth over Vanya’s face as she takes on the appearance of The White Violin.

“A dimly lit room... Vanya is strapped to a chair. The floor is soaked with water. At the moment she is being tortured for information... After an electric shock the lights on the ceiling begin to flicker. “‘Is she doing that?’ asks a fearful FBI agent.” (X)

Also in ep7, “Five travels to 1982 to carry out his new mission”. Theres a possibility that Luther is also involved in this as a promo pic has snow surrounding the house, which I don’t think would happen in November in Dallas?

Five: I need a spotter. Luther: What is that? Like a wingman?

The summary for ep8 includes the fact that “Diego discovers what causes the apocalypse.”

“Everything in our new lives is connected to the plot to assassinate the president. That can’t be a coincidence.”

The fact we see the gun Five was going to use to assassinate JFK, implies this scene takes place on Nov 22nd, 3 days before the apocalypse. And we know from the summaries that in ep8 “Five concocts a risky plan to intercept another version of himself.”

Old Five, young Five (who’s still really old Five), and Luther.

However this may not go to plan as the summary for ep9 says, “the Fives plot against each other.”

And the summary for episode 10 is: “reeling from the events at the Dealey Plaza, the siblings head to the farm to help save Harlan.”

MOMENTS I CAN’T PLACE:

Someone flips over a table in what looks like it could be a distillery. Based on outfit and hair this could possibly be Lila, Klaus, or (less likely) Diego. Five is also there.

A similar (the same?) person flips over while avoiding gunfire. There are targets and what looks like training equipment, and the person shooting is standing under a large umbrella.

If the flipping person is Lila, then this may link to what the summaries reveal about her arc: In ep5 she confronts her mother, in ep6 the Handler is mentioned (albeit talking to Five), and in ep9 she learns the truth about her parents…

Five sneaks through a room with a camera and lights. On the blackboard the word “Pogo” is written, implying this could be Reggies house and this room is where he is teaching and studying young Pogo.

Diego walks into a control room. It looks like there might be 2-way glass. Could this link to ep8 when Diego discovers what cases the apocalypse?

Five is seen in a building with wooden panels on the walls.

Based on the background of this shot of Carmichael, the building could be part of The Commission.

“You...”

Five gets buried in rubble. Aidan looks chill about it though.

***********************************************************************

Well done for making it all the way! 

I’ve tried to avoid speculation as much as possible and keep the language suggestive. I don’t know all the facts, I WILL have made errors, probably many! So please take all this with a suggestive grain of salt, I am just a hooman trying to use her squishy brain.

Please let me know if you spot any errors, think of anything else I can add, or if you want more info about any specific event ^‿^

[k7l4d4]

Midnight Striga: Fairy Tail/Owl House Cross Fic Episode 5 Part 9

Hello all, I am back with another exciting segment of Midnight Striga!! Admittedly, this one is slower than the prior chapter, but I still hope you all enjoy it.

Lilith strode forth, Eda hot on her heels. They circled through the Covention, spotting the representatives from the Major Nine assisting. The Construction Coven workers were rapidly working on structural damage dealt to key pillars and walls, members of the invading force held tightly by hastily assembled cells and chains, the Construction Head, and Lilith was genuinely puzzled as to where he had come from, looming over the invaders, personally guarding them. The Oracle, Healing, and Illusion Covens were working in concert, with the Oracles tracking down trapped or injured citizens while Illusionists either guided them to safety, or rescue workers to their locations, and the Healers had set up a clinic to attend to the injured.

The Plant and Abomination Covens worked to root out and capture the remaining attackers, many of whom were thrown into those same cells she had passed alongside the Construction Coven. The Beast Keeping Coven members used their abilities to track down and locate those stuck in areas inaccessible to the abilities of Oracles, allowing rescue workers to bring them to safety, the Bards using their magic to manipulate the pieces that the Construction members couldn’t move safely. The sight of the Covens working together, in harmony, brought a melancholy smile to Lilith’s face. Her mood plummeted further, however, when she saw the bodies.

Piles of corpses, so many they couldn’t lay them out properly and were overlapping in awkward lumps, were arranged before the Healers’ Clinic, families weeping over their loved ones, the ones who had been present with them at least. The rest would need to be informed. And not to mention the numerous corpses of Guards, some having died cleanly… others not so much. Titan, she really was a failure, wasn’t she? Shaking herself from her self-loathing, she turned to her sister. “Edalyn, I must ask, but do you have any idea what has occurred?”

“Well, from the looks of it, a huge fight.” Eda said, faux-humorously. Before Lilith could snap at her, she continued. “But seriously, while you were stuck in la-la land, that guy, Rudolph he called himself, said he and his group were part of the ‘Black Dog Squadron’ whatever that means, and that they were here to kill everyone for someone or something called Oroboros. Beyond that, I couldn’t say.” She recalled, face grave.

Lilith bit back a curse. Taking a deep, calming breath, she attempted to draw more information out of her sister; out of all the adults on the Isles, Eda’s knowledge of humans was estimated to be some of the best, by virtue of her regularly full stores of ‘treasures’ to sell. “Edalyn, I am begging you, if you have any knowledge of how this…” She gestured, to the corpses, to the crying parents and children, the ruined stands and damaged walls, ”all happened, I need you to tell me!” She pleaded.

Eda leveled an even stare on her sister, before slowly replying. “Lily, I had no idea how this happened, or what went into it occurring. As much as I hate Bonehead, if I had ANY idea that something like this was going on, I would’ve either let you know, or tried to stop it beforehand myself, maybe both.” Lilith searched her eyes, an almost desperate light burning within her, before sighing, accepting Eda’s words.

“As much as it pains me to say this, I will likely need your help for the moment.” Lilith said as evenly as she could, the bitter sting of acknowledging just how much her sister still outclassed her rearing its ugly head. “If any of these scavengers are still lurking about that are on the level of that maniac Rudolph, I will likely need your skill to defeat them before they can wreak further havoc.”

“Heh, glad to see you finally admitting my skills,” Eda preened, oblivious to Lilith's mood plummeting at her statement, before growing serious. “And yeah, of course. We may have had our differences, but I’m not gonna cut and run when kids are in the crossfire.”

Lilith nodded, relieved. She hated that she felt relieved; it was just another admittance of how Eda was better than her. Still, Lilith took in the sight of the dead guards, the mutilated children, and felt her resolve harden. It didn’t matter if Eda was better than her right now; justice was what was needed, and she would bring about that justice. She felt her eyes mist. It was the least she could do, as penance for failing them.

Throwing up her arms in confusion, Lilith exclaimed. “What I truly wish to know is how did Humans gain the ability to wield magic!? It should be impossible!! They lack a bile sack, so how did that-that maniac cast those spells!” She whirled on her sister. “Please tell me you didn’t know about this?”

Eda shrugged, feeling guiltily amused at Lilith’s flustered panic. “Eh, only for a few weeks or so. And let me tell you, it sure caught me by surprise!” She laughed. Eda paused, a thought occurring to her, but it was one she was hesitant to share. Biting her lip, she carefully broached the topic. “You know, I think I might know someone who could shed a little light on this whole mess.” She said cautiously.

Lilith zipped into Eda’s personal space, tightly gripping the front of her dress. “Truly!?” She asked, pleading honestly. “Where are they? Who are they!?”

“Well first off, personal space sis,” Eda bluntly stated, lightly pushing Lilith out of her comfort zone. Taking a breath, she added, “As to where they are, they honestly should be right here in the Covention.”

Lilith’s face fell, already fearing the worst. “But, if they were here, then wouldn’t they have had to face…” she gestured to one of the attackers being led to the cells, cackling insanely, “ Them?”

“Pffft! If goons like that were a serious problem, I’d be a little worried, but she’s crafty enough to stay alive, heck, she probably beat a few of them!” Eda cackled, before adding, with a hint of nervousness, “And, well, I hate that I got to ask this, Lily, but please keep an open mind when you meet her? Please?”

Lilith gave her sister a flat stare. “Edalyn, I have just had a rather large portion of my worldview regarding humans and the power and stability of the Isles torn out from under me, as have a large group of others. When word starts spreading, I have no doubt that more than a few people will either go into denial or mass hysteria.” She placed her hands on her hips. “Very little could properly phase me at the moment. So yes, Edalyn, I will keep an open mind.” She said the last part so dry and sarcastically that, if this weren’t serious, Eda would’ve been so proud to call them sisters. Eda nodded grudgingly, accepting her promise. With that, the two headed out. Eda really hoped the kid was okay.

Luz gasped and sputtered, nearly choking on her tears. Willow slowly rubbed circles on her back, calming some of her heaving and screams. Gus and Amity stood on the side, both feeling lost and awkward; neither was as close to Luz as Willow, but neither wanted to see the girl in such despair either. All three just wanted to know what was going on.

“Sshh… sshh… it’s gonna be okay.” Willow whispered, unbothered by the tears staining her dress; it had already been ruined from the blood and grime of the battlefield the Covention had turned into, but even if it was fresh and clean, Willow would gladly soil it for a friend to cry on. “You can talk to us, okay? And if you don’t want to, we’ll be here anyway.”

“She-She can’t be alive!!” Luz spluttered, tears clogging her throat. “She can’t be!! I can’t have abandoned her!” She wailed. It had to be a lie, it had to be!! Because, if it wasn’t… Luz would never be able to stop until she saved her, no matter what she’d have to do in order to do it.

“Who?” Amity hesitantly asked.

“My hostage.” Luz said glumly, her tears drying up for the moment. She reached into her jacket, pulling out a photo tucked inside, showing it to them, a watery smile forming on her face. “My sister.”

“Sister?” The group echoed, leaning forward. Staring back at them was a picture of Luz and, well, Luz! Or rather, they saw Luz standing by what they presumed was her identical twin. The two were still very much distinguishable from one another. The one on the left was clearly the Luz they knew, having a similar style, a wild and reckless grin stretched across her face. The one on the right, however, was shyly glancing away, a nervous smile on her face, hair tied back neatly with a pair of clips.

“Yeah, Vee.” Luz said, a melancholy look of remembrance on her face. “She was always my leash, even before I got drafted into Oroboros. Whenever I had some crazy idea, she’d talk me through it before I did something stupid.”

Willow and Gus sat down beside her, leaning close, Amity standing a respectful distance behind them, clearly listening. Luz continued. “One time, I got this idea to make home-made Lacrimas by shoving a bunch of magic into one spot, and Vee reminded me that neither of us knew how Lacrimas formed, and just stuffing magic into things blew them up.” She snickered, a tear tracing down her cheek. “And this one time, I was gonna try and tame a Wyvern, I actually went out and did it even! But then, Vee reminded me we had nowhere to keep it, and no way to feed it, so I found it a nice hunting ground, and convinced it to defend a nearby town.” She laughed out loud, a heavy, full-belly laugh that sent her sprawling, tears leaking.

She paused, tears in her eyes. “She was my best friend, the person who made every day away from home something bearable. She was my anchor, my rock, and Oroboros used her against me.” Her fingers dug into her hand, a pained look crossing her features. “If she’s actually been alive this whole time…” Her tears were cut off when Willow and Gus hugged her, both having tears of their own.

“Hey, it’s okay. We’ll get through this.” Willow stated, pulling away and looking Luz straight in the eye. “Oroboros is going to keep coming after the Isles, so you’ll probably get an answer one way or another. And either way, I’ll be right by your side.”

“And the same goes for me!” Gus chimed in. “Plus, my dad’s a reporter, so I can help find out new info for you to go off of!”

“And if I am available, I would not be averse to using my magic to fight against those who’ve threatened the Isles. Rescuing an innocent will be a nice bonus, I’d say.” Amity primly stated, sporting a confident look.

Luz gave the three an almost awestruck look. “You guys.”

“GET AWAY FROM THEM!!” A voice screamed, drawing their attention. Luz’s eyes widened as Lilith Clawthorne, Eda’s apparent sister, rocketed towards her, staff glowing with magic, her eyes burning with rage. Before she could smash Luz’s face in, however, Eda jumped in, tackling her sister to the ground.

“Sheesh, Lily! Chill out!” Eda cried, desperately wrestling her sister to the ground. “I told you to keep an open mind, remember?”

“What does that have to do with-” Lilith ranted, only to pause, eyes widening in realization. “Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.” She groaned, hanging her head as Eda sheepishly chuckled.

“U-um… Eda, what’s happening?” Luz tentatively asked.

Eda really wanted to ask Luz why she’d been crying, but decided to put it off, focusing on the current issue. “Well,” She drawled, “My prissy sis here wanted info on everything that happened. And after thinking it over, I thought you’d be the best person to give it to her.” Eda stated, pointing at Luz decisively. As unbalanced as Luz’s emotions were at the moment, she could see the logic in that.

“Seriously!?” Gus cried, incredulous. “After what she just learned!?”

Eda blinked. “What? What’d she learn?” She asked, figuring that whatever it was was the reason behind Luz’s tears.

“Something we can talk about later. In. Private.” Luz stated, her face screaming ‘let it go for now!’ Eda grudgingly agreed.

“Ugh, can we please move back on to the topic of information?” Lilith growled, pulling herself up. She loomed over Luz, a suspicious glare emblazoned across her features. “I have a great many questions for you, human.”

“And I’m perfectly willing to answer them, Miss Clawthorne.” Luz replied, unblinking. She glanced around, taking note of the damage around them. “But maybe it’d be better if we went somewhere more private for this?”

Lilith nodded, seeing the logic in that. “Indeed, better we not be interrupted.” She turned to her sister. “If that is acceptable for you, Edalyn?” She asked, getting a shrug and a nod in return, the Witchlings following Eda’s lead. Lilith clapped her hands. “Well then, we’d better be going back to the main center, as I recall seeing the Covens building something of a camp there to deal with the aftermath of this mess. The Healer’s Clinic should have a room we can use.” And with that the group set off, a tension running through them after their collective ordeal.

Emira paced, frantically glancing about the interior of the Healer’s Station, Edric gloomily slumped next to her. Her eyes scanned the nearby groups, hoping to spot something, anything, that could give her some hint as to where her sister was. She and Edric knew she was here, but where had she disappeared to after being displayed up there with Lilith was the real question.

“Could you please stop pacing, sis?” Edric groaned, clutching his head. “It’s not going to just make her appear if you keep doing it.”

Emira whirled on her brother, fire in her eyes. “Well what do you expect me to do!? Maniacs barged into the Covention, massacred who knows how many people, and OUR SISTER IS MISSING!!! I don’t have a lot of options right now, now do I?” She brutally snapped, briefly yelling in the middle of it, before fading into a broken tiredness. All those people, those kids, all gone. If her sister was gone like that, and her only memories were of her and Edric pranking her… She looked into Edric’s eyes, and saw the same fear, the hopeless, helpless realization that Amity may be gone, and her only memories of them would be of all the times they gave her trouble.

Edric sighed, tiredly rubbing his eyes. “Believe me sis, I get it, but all we can do is wait, and hope she’s okay.” He patted the spot next to him, a clear invitation to sit. Emira gave one last furtive look around, and glumly complied. The two briefly wondered just how their parents would take all of this.

Bria bit her lip, glancing over at Gavin and Angmar. She didn’t consider them friends, not really. Maybe she’d change that? She wasn’t sure. She wasn’t sure about much right now. She… had been made helpless. Magic like nothing she’d ever seen had been on display, and a LOT of people were dead. She, Gavin, and Angmar WOULD be dead. If it hadn’t been for Matty. Matty; goofy, clumsy, always taking the fall, boasting about his skills Matty, had saved their lives. Tears pricked her eyes, as she remembered how close she’d come to death, the sheer heartlessness on display. Was that what she was like? Some kind of monster? ...Was that what everyone was like at Glandus, behind all the excuses about being powerful?

“Hey, I got your drink!” Matty cheerfully replied, holding a glass out to her.

Bria shot him a half-hearted smile. “Thanks Matty.”

“Eh, it’s no problem.” He said, waving it off. “After all, we’re friends, right?”

“Yeah, friends.” Bria muttered, sipping her drink. Maybe… they really were friends. She’d have to talk to Angmar and Gavin about this. Maybe Hexside was still taking transfers.

Skara listlessly handed supplies to Bo, who was frantically patching up as many injuries as she could. Skara just felt so tired, so hollow. So many people had died. She’d seen little kids ripped apart, their parents crying over their bodies. She’d seen the opposite too, parents being cried over by their kids and family members.

Skara only had eyes for one thing, though. Boscha. Boscha was propped up on a bunk, at least two rows away, but still in Skara’s line of sight. She’d been brought in by a little demon, screaming and demanding that someone help her. Skara felt a twinge of jealousy at the thought that it wasn’t her demanding that someone heal her friend. Oh, wait, they weren’t friends anymore. It still hurt to think about, even though talking with Amity helped. The demon was hovering around Boscha, ranting and ordering around anyone and everyone who got close. In the back of her mind, Skara was honestly impressed at how unrelenting and exacting he was with his demands, even if no one was following them.

Then, Skara caught sight of another body brought in, another corpse. It was Batthew, a nice guy who had flirted with her a few times before. He was sweet, in his own way, and was really fond of going over the top. His throat had been slashed open. Skara didn’t fight the tears as they came.

Lilith pulled up a seat, eyes glaring daggers at the human seated before her. One way or another, she was going to get the answers she needed. She briefly spared a glance at Perry Porter, a known and well-viewed reporter upon the Isles, and one known for being unabashedly honest and direct in his reporting, something that earned him several points with the populous, as they knew they could trust his information. The boy, Augustus, had called him in after they’d gotten to the emergency clinic the Healers had established, citing a need for the people to understand what had happened. Thinking of her own impending reveal to the public, Lilith had agreed. If all turned out well, both could be accomplished together.

Lilith leaned forward. “Now then, human, it’s time for you to answer my questions. The People of the Isles are dying to hear what you have to say.” She said, eyes half-lidded.

Luz placed her hands on her chin, a brave smile on her face. “Ask away. I’m all ears.”

[cctinsleybaxter]

2020 in books

2020 was a year of changed reading habits; people reading more than ever or not at all, some changing their tastes and others turning to old comforts. While there weren’t any huge overhauls on my end, more free time did mean a total of 32 in a wider range of genres. In the past couple of years I found a lot of the things I read to be kind of middling and ranked them accordingly, but this year had some strong contenders in the mix. With college officially behind me I love nonfiction again, and I really need to stop being drawn in by novels with long titles that ‘sound interesting.’ A piece of advice to my future self: they will only make you angry.

The Good

The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoevsky I loved the BBC radio play when I first listened to it back in 2017, but didn’t know if I could stomach the idea of actually reading the 700-page book, especially since I already knew the plot (spoiler alert: this had no effect and I gasped multiple times despite knowing what was going to happen; Fyodor’s just that good at atmosphere.) The story follows Prince Lev Myshkin, a goodhearted but troubled man entering 1860s Petersburg high society and meeting all of the wretched people therein as he navigates life, laughs, love, unanswerable questions of faith, and human suffering. I care about it in the same way I think other people care about reality TV shows and soap operas. I’m so personally invested in the drama and feel so many different emotions directed at these clowns that it’s like being a fan of Invitation to Love (with an ending equally upsetting to that of the show ITL is from, Twin Peaks.)

Salt: A World History by Mark Kurlanksy I adored this book. The first half reads a little like a Wikipedia article, and I was worried that it was leaning too clinical and would be disaffected with colonialism and indigenous peoples, but even that oversight is corrected for as the text goes on. It’s not going to be for everybody because it really is just the world’s longest encyclopedia entry on, well, salt, but it’s written with such excitement for the topic and is so well-researched and styled for commercial nonfiction that I think it deserves any and all praise it’s gotten. We have to talk about that time Cheshire was literally sinking into the ground, and companies who were over-pumping brine water to steal each other’s brine water said ‘no it’s okay it’s supposed to that’ so were legally dismissed as suspects.

Midnight Cowboy by James Leo Herlihy Cried. 10/10. The plot of Midnight Cowboy is very classic and actually has a lot in common with The Idiot, as 20-something Joe Buck moves from the American Southwest to NYC and meets myriad challenges as a sex worker. I’ve been obsessed with the movie for a few years now and the book made me appreciate it anew; I think it’s rare for an adaptation to take the risk of being so different from its source material while still capturing its spirit. The movie doesn’t include quieter moments like the full conversation with Towny or time spent in the X-flat, nor does it attempt to touch Joe’s internal monologue or his and Rico’s extensive backstories, but these things are essential to the book and are some of the best and most affecting writing I’ve ever read. Finally! The Great American Novel!

The Only Good Indians by Stephen Graham Jones I would firmly like to say that this is probably the best horror novel ever written. The setup is very traditional in that it’s about a group of friends facing supernatural comeuppance for a past mistake, but delivery on that premise is anything but familiar. A story about personal and cultural trauma that raises questions about what we owe to each other and what it means to be Blackfeet, with a cast that’s unbelievably real and sympathetic even at their absolute worst. Creepypasta writers trying to cash in on the cultural mythos of lumped-together tribes wish they were capable of writing something a tenth as gruesome and good as this. It could very well be a movie the visuals and writing style were so arresting, and I can’t wait to read whatever Jones writes next.

Found Footage Horror Films: Fear and the Appearance of Reality by Alexandra Heller-Nicholas This is the least accessible title on the list since it’s a college textbook for people with background in film, but it was so nice to read a woman unpacking film theory with the expertise and confidence it deserves that I have to rank it among the best. I had an absolute blast reading it and am going to have to stop myself from bringing up the horror of 1960s safety films as a cocktail icebreaker.

Blood in the Water: The Attica Prison Uprising of 1971 and Its Legacy by Heather Ann Thompson

The year’s toughest read by far, but also its most rewarding. Thompson uses mountains of documents, government-buried intel, and personal interviews to explain what happened at Attica from beginning to end, and does a fantastic job of balancing hard facts and ‘unbiased journalism’ with much-needed emotion and critical analysis. It’s more important reading in the 2020s than any kind of ‘why/how to not be racist’ book club book is going to be, and the historical context it provides is as interesting as it is invaluable. The second half drags a bit in going through lengthy trial processes with some assumed baseline knowledge of legalese (which I did not have. All that criminal minds in 2015… meaningless), but aside from that editing and prose are some of the best I’ve seen in nonfiction. 

The Bad

The Woman in the Window by A.J. Finn A friend and I decided to read this together because I’m obsessed with how insane the author is and wanted to know if he can actually write.

He cannot.

The Beautiful Thing That Awaits Us All by Laird Barron Barron is an indie darling of the horror fiction scene, so I was excited to finally read one of his collections but can now attest that I hate him. If you’re going to do Lovecraft please deconstruct Lovecraft in an interesting way. I had actually written a lot about the issues I have with how he develops characters and plots, but one of the only shorthand notes I took was “he won’t stop saying ‘bole’ instead of tree trunk” and I feel like that’s the only review we need.

Bats of the Republic by Zach Dodson Look up a photo of this author because if I had bothered to glance at the jacket bio I honest-to-god wouldn’t have even tried reading this.

This Is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone I went in with high expectations since this is an epistolary novella I’d seen praised on tumblr and youtube but oh my god was there a reason I was seeing it praised on tumblr and youtube. This is bad Steven Universe fanfiction. Both authors included ‘listening to the Steven Universe soundtrack throughout’ in the acknowledgements, and to add insult to injury there’s a plug from my nemesis Madeline Miller.

The 7½ Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle by Stuart Turton The premise of this one plays with so many tropes I like that I should have been more suspicious. It’s a dinner party with stock characters one would expect of Clue, and rather than our protagonist being the detective he’s a man with amnesia stuck in a 24-hour time loop. Body-hopping between guests, he must gather evidence using the skillsets of each ‘host’ until he either solves Evelyn Hardcastle’s murder or the limit of eight hosts runs out. I read a lot of not-very-good books, and it’s so, so much worse when they have potential to be fun. This is how you lose the most points, and how I abandon decorum and end up writing a list of grievances: • Our protagonist can only inhabit male hosts, which I think is a stupid writing decision not because I’m ‘woke’ but because wouldn’t it make sense for him to also be working with the maids, cooks, and women close to the murder victim? • Complaining about the limitations of hosts makes some sense (e.g- there’s a section where he thinks that it’s hard to be an old man because it’s difficult to get to the places he needs to be quickly), but one of his hosts is a rapist and one of his hosts is fat. Guess which one gets complained about more. • One of the later hosts is just straight-up a cop with cop knowledge that singlehandedly solves the case. We spend some time being like ‘wow I couldn’t have done it without the info all eight hosts helped gather’ but it was 100% the detective and he solves the murder using information he got off-screen. • The mystery itself is actually well-paced and I didn’t have a lot of issues with it (e.g, there’s a twist that I guessed only shortly before the end), which makes it all the worse that the metanarrative of this book is INSANE. No spoilers but the reveal as to why our unnamed protagonist is even in this situation is stupid. I just know they’re going to make it into a movie and I’m preemptively going to aaaaaaaaa!!!

Trust Exercise by Susan Choi The fact that this was the worst book I read all year, worse even than the bad Steven Universe fanfiction, and it won multiple awards makes my blood boil. I could rant about it for hours but just know that it’s a former theater kid’s take on perception and memory, and deals with sexual abuse in a way that’s handled both very badly and with a level of fake deepness that’s laughable. Select fake-deep quotes I copied down because at one point I said ‘oh barf’ aloud: -I’m filled with melancholy that’s almost compassion. It’s sad the same way. -[On a friendship ending] We almost never know what we know until after we know it. -Because we’re none of us alone in this world. We injure each other.

There are also bad sex scenes that I can’t quite make fun of because I think (HOPE?) they’re supposed to be a melodramatic take on how teenagers view sex, but I very much wanted to die. Flowers were alluded to. Nipples were compared to diamonds.

Honorable/Dishonorable Mentions (categorized as the same thing because, well,)

The Life and Death of Sophie Stark by Anna North This book was frustrating because the first third of it is fantastic. It’s set up to be a takedown of the manic pixie dream girl trope, jumping from person to person discussing their relationship with the titular Sophie, and indirectly revealing that she was just some girl and not the difficult and mysterious genius they all believed her to be. Then in the third act, BAM! She was that difficult and mysterious genius and she’s now indirectly brought all the people from her past together. I wanted to scream the plot beefed it so bad, but the good news is I really liked this octopus description.

It was the size of a three-year-old child, and it seemed awful to me that something could be so far from human and obviously want something as badly as it wanted to get out of the tank.

Radium Girls: The Dark Story of America’s Shining Women by Kate Moore Cool new nightmare speedrun strat is to hear a 2-second anecdote from a documentary that people used to get radium poisoning from painting watch faces, be curious enough that you buy a book to learn more, and be met with medical and legal horror beyond anything you could have imagined. This was almost one of my favorite books of the year! Almost.

Radium Girls is very lovingly crafted and incredibly well-researched; one of those things that’s hard to get through but that you want to read sections of again as soon as you’ve finished. The umbrage I take with it is that it’s very Catholic. The author and many of her subjects are Irish and their religion is important to them, but it casts a martyr-y narrative over the whole thing that I found uncomfortable. Seventeen-year-old girls taking a factory job they didn’t know was dangerous are framed as brave, working-class heroes, but there’s not a set moral lesson to be gained from this story. Sarah Maillefer didn’t make “a sacrifice” when she agreed to the first radium tests, she agreed because she was terrified. She didn’t think she was helping she was begging for help.

The Mushroom at the End of the World: On the Possibility of Life in Capitalist Ruins by Anna Tsing Tsing is an incredibly skilled researcher and ethnographer; there are so many good ideas in this book that I’d almost consider it essential leftist text… if I could stand the way it was structured. Tsing posits that because nature is built on precariousness she will build her book the same way, allowing it to grow like a mushroom, and thus chapters don’t progress linearly and are written more like freeform poetry than a series of academic arguments. Some people are really going to love that, but I’m me and a mushroom is a mushroom and a book is a book. I don’t think in the way Tsing does, and while I tried to keep an open mind it’s hard to play along when something is this academically dense and makes so many ambitious claims. As if to prove how different our structuring methods are, I’ve made my own thoughts into a pros and cons list

Things I liked: • ‘Contamination’ as something inherent to diversity • ‘Scalability’ as a flawed way of thinking (Tsing has written whole essays about this that I find very compelling, but a main example here is that China and the US have come down on Japanese matsutake research for being too ‘site specific’ and not yielding enough empirical data) • Discussing how Americans were so invested in self-regulating systems in the 1950s we thought they could be applied to literally everything, including ecosystems • “The survivors of war remind us of the bodies they climbed over- or shot- to get to us. We don’t know whether to love or hate the survivors. Simple moral judgements don’t come to hand.” • Any and all fieldwork Tsing shares is amazing; I especially liked reading about the culture of mushroom pickers living in the Cascades and their contained market system

Things I didn’t like: • Statements that sound deep but aren’t, e.g- “help is always in the service of another.” (Yep. That’s what that means. Unless an organism is doing something to help itself which then nullifies your whole opening argument.) • A very debatable definition of utilitarianism • “Capitalism vs pre-capitalism,” which seems like an insanely black-and-white stance for a book all about finding hidden middle ground • A chapter I found really interesting about how intertwined Japanese and American economies are, but it tries to cover the entire history of US-Japan relations. Seriously, starting with Governor Perry and continuing through present day, this could have been a whole different book and it’s a good example of what I mean when I say arguments feel too scattered (the conclusion it reaches is that in the 80s the yen was finally able to hold its own against the dollar. Just explain that part.) • A chapter arguing that ‘true biological mutualism’ is rarely a focus of STEM and is a new sociological development/way of thinking which is just… flat-out not true

For all the comparisons art gets to ‘being on a drug trip’ this anthropology textbook has come the closest for me. Moments of profound human wisdom, intercut with things I had trouble understanding because I wasn’t on the same wavelength, intercut with even more things that felt false or irrelevant. I can’t put it on the nice list but I am glad I read it.

[lenniharrisonsims]

Nadia's Birthday Celebration- Behind The Scenes...

Conversation Snippets- Part II

To celebrate Her Imperial Majesty, Dowager Tsarina Nadia's birthday, the entire family flew in from their various countries and counties to gather at Hayes Park in Glimmerbrooke for the weekend.

Ygor: "So Kacie, how are the nerves for the big day?"

Kacie: "You'd think I'd be going insane with preparations and everything, but actually, Yuri has been the biggest help, taking over most of the stress because of the pregnancy."

Misha: "Aw, little grumpy Yurio has found his sweetheart."

Yuri: "If you call me Yurio one more time, I'll call you Mishy non-stop!"

Misha: "Alright, alright, haha."

Francisco: "What about Grant? Is he excited?"

Cesare: "I know I am, for a trip to Sulani! Haha!"

Yuri: "He's so excited. You know he doesn't get to see his mom all that much and as much as I don't want to see her, I do wish she'd choose to be more a part of his life. So I think he's excited to have Kacie and the new baby around because she's like a mother to him."

Kacie: "And I love him so much, he's such a darling. I just know he's going to be the best big brother."

Encarna: "So you're adopting?"

Fran: "We're looking into it. I know Mamma and Papa aren't so keen to become grandparents again-"

Addy: "Lettie and Cosimo were a surprise to all of us, let's just say, haha!"

Fran: "But Liv and I are excited to start our new family."

Olive: "We've also been looking at IVF through a donor clinic, which is what my mothers did to have me."

Maria: "Well Cara and I are obviously big fans of adoption-"

Feng Mian: "Me too!"

*Everyone Laughs*

Maria: "But you know we'll be there to support and help you through every step of the way. I mean, Yue has her own life and FM here is in Britechester for a few more years, so we can fly anywhere you need us to be."

Encarna: "And if you do choose adoption, we've got contacts with the best agency in the Empire and beyond."

Fran: "Thank you Aunt Mar, Aunt Cara, really. Liv and I can't explain how much we have appreciated your help and support with everything."

Olive: "And your Uncles Ygor and Francisco as well. The whole family really has been such a help."

Dante: "Come on, she's not gonna miss it!"

Ben: "How often do you think she comes in here anyways? It was designed to be Grandpapa's office. It makes her too sad..."

Dante: "Besides, I'm pretty sure Grandmama is more of a wine kinda gal. She won't miss the whiskey!"

Phil: "It's less of if she'll notice later and more of if we'll get caught right now! Someone could walk through that door any minute, and what if they smell it on us as we leave? Uncle Cesare especially is really perceptive-"

Ben: "Come on Philly, live a little!"

Dante: "It's just a little whiskey to get us through the big family dinner and inevitable photo shoot that will follow."

Phil: "Well, it is Grandmama's birthday, I don't think a picture is too much to ask..."

Ben: "Yeah, Dante, chill. She's been through a lot. I don't mind having a drink, but no dragging on Grandmama in her own house..."

Dante: "Geez guys, relax. I'm not hating on her. I forget how much nicer you all are to each other here."

Phil: "I'm not from here..."

Ben: "What do you mean?"

Dante: "Let's just say, the fam in Newcrest is a little different than here..."

[theivfdiaries]

Today’s morning monitoring was so stressful... I woke up a little extra early and drove to the clinic 30 mins away rather than the one 5 mins away because I wanted to see my doctor and he is at the further office. I knew the general area of where the office is but I’ve only been there 3 times and I only drove 1 of them, so I used my GPS which routed me a totally different direction and told me “you have arrived” when I wasn’t there yet. So I got super lost and ended up at a back entrance that was literally gated off? I was supposed to arrive at 8:20 and I had to be there by 8:30, but because of how lost I got I ended up being late and frantically calling the office telling them to please wait for me, but of course there’s no direct line to the office so I just got the call center. It was SO stressful, I ended up running into the office at 8:34 and the receptionist seemed annoyed but I told her the situation and she told me I was lucky because the doctor was still there.

After all that, turns out, my doctor wasn’t even in today. Ugh. I should’ve checked. But at least I was able to be seen. This doctor told me that he thought the doctor from Monday over-measured my lining... she had said my lining was 7.3mm and today he measured 5.6mm.

I spoke to my nurse later, and she thinks he under-measured now, and that I’m actually around 6mm which is exactly where I should be at this point. I was super concerned that they keep giving me different answers but she assured me that my doctor was looking at all the photos (not just the report) and making the decisions for my treatment based on his interpretation of the photos, so that was reassuring. I also have my next appointment (the important one, apparently) scheduled for Tuesday with my doctor now. Apparently this is the one where he will clear me to start my PIO injections later in the week! If all goes well, I will only have 2 more morning monitoring appointments before my transfer. It is so unreal how quickly this is coming up, but at the same time how insanely slow it all is. I just can’t believe I may finally be getting a positive pregnancy test in just over 3 weeks, and that’s what keeps me going!

In addition, my marriage (which has been on the rocks for the past few weeks) seems to have taken a huge turn the past couple days. My husband is really stepping up and taking more responsibility and I am so grateful for that and for him. I was getting nervous about bringing a baby into the mix when we’ve been having problems, but couples counseling seems to be doing wonders for us already and I don’t want to jinx it, but I think we are in a really good place now and I am so relieved.

[ending-myworld]

do you ever feel like your life is a cycle of bad decision, make up for it... only to then make another bad decision?

my first post, and I’m afraid it’s not a light one. in my life, I find myself in a constant battle with my ability to rationalise good and bad decisions.

I’ve always been a person who is easily influenced. as a teenager and in my early 20′s. this developed to the point of taking drugs, smoking regularly, drinking, and generally other self-destructive behaviour. the issue is, I would always realise when I’d made a grave mistake, that it was a mistake (or a bad choice), and then attempt to make amends with the person or thing that was affected, only to make the same choice again...

that cycle has cost me dearly throughout the years, monetarily, relationships, friendships... everything. simultaneously, I’m almost attacking my own consciousness and broadly, my mental health. at the time of writing this, I can conclusively say that I have just lost the most important person in my life. the worst part is that undeservedly, as well as the guilt, I just plainly feel sorry for myself. I feel hopelessly stuck in this insane cycle, but more on that later.

the thing is, I’m not a stupid guy. my internal assessment of my decision making process is simple. I know what is right, and what is wrong. I know what I want, and what I do not want. but the mystery is that I still make decisions that have catastrophically negative impacts on the things that are ‘right, and that I ‘want’. It’s almost as if, in the moment, I don’t realise the severity or potential consequences of my actions and ultimately result in the loss of my access to such things.

this blog would be longer than the bible if I were to to disseminate all of the bad choices I’ve made in my life. to be honest, maybe a bit of god in my life would be helpful.

I would be lying if I said that I didn’t know quite how dearly these decisions would cost me, because I do. the confusing thing is, I understand the consequences of my actions every single time, and I still proceed as if it’s not a big deal, in the moment.

this assessment is true every time I go out with friends. “oh, it’s just one cigarette, it’s fine”. “just one more drink, it’s fine...”.

and in this case, on this crucially important day in my life, and just as things were going well in my relationship, I fucked up again. the last time I fucked up, it was Christmas, I smoked while out with friends, my partner HATES smoking, and understandably. that took a long time to fix. prior to that, it was to do with my habit for going out and coming home late. 

this was a regular occurrence and something which shares synchronicity with the crux of this post. fundamentally, in the moment, I just don’t think rationally about the cost of me making that choice. I habitually bury my head in the sand and deal with the consequences after. It’s pathetic behaviour, and to be honest, I am proud to say that part of me has been in the past for a number of months.

and life has been good. It has been so good. My partner and I have had fun in lockdown, being silly together and playing chess, just generally making the most of our time together. I have absolutely loved and cherished every single moment we’ve spent together - and I have shown that too.

then today, this morning. I was scrolling through my Facebook stories as I do sometimes, and I come across a story post from a girl called Myra. now, this is not someone I have ever met in my life, nor is it someone I would ever want to meet, or even engage in conversation with, and that’s the truth. this is just someone who I happened to come across while scrolling. 

something within me made me like... no, love heart her photo.

WHY? why? why would I do that. I could think of nothing worse than engaging in a conversation with any other woman apart from my girlfriend. I have genuinely been so happy in my life, and I made a choice to disrespect my partner for absolutely no rhyme or reason.

now, this is something I completely forgot about. about two hours later, my partner came upstairs telling me she felt poorly. out of interest, she took a pregnancy test. we’ve been trying for a baby for the past few months at this point. to my absolute surprise and delight, it came back positive.

to say I was excited would be an understatement. my thoughts immediately turned to making a plan financially, providing for the family by keeping my second job which I was originally going to stop, looking after her through this pregnancy. any thought of this random post I liked on Facebook was well out of my mind.

then, as I was on the phone to my Mum upstairs, my laptop open with Facebook messenger downstairs, she sees the message on my laptop and came upstairs to rightly confront me about it.

what is there to say? how do I compartmentalise or even rationalise that decision? I was filled with such anger and disappointment with myself. I know how big of a deal this is, but again, in the moment, I did not see it that way.

I found out today that the most important person in my whole world is pregnant with my child, and how did I respond? with huge slap of disrespect. as I type this, I’m at home with our puppy, she’s at her Mum’s, making the decision to leave me.

my words mean nothing anymore. I have cried, and lied, and begged her to stay with me when I’ve fucked up in the past. but then I do the same thing again. I am finding it so hard to understand myself, because the one true thing in my life is the genuine love I have for this girl, she’s everything to me

so what now?

am I even allowed to feel the way I feel? do I deserve to feel utter disappointment and sadness, to the point of taking my own life? that’s a selfish thought process, but it’s genuinely how I feel. I feel entangled in a maze of bad decisions that have had no outcome but to lead me down a path of unhappiness and loneliness, and honestly, I deserve to feel this way. I have brought nothing but sadness to a truly wholesome and exciting day. this should have been the most exciting day of our lives together - to be remembered forever

and now?

I can’t even share this day with the person that means the most to me in the whole wide world, and it’s all my fault.

and why am I here? that’s another important question. well, quite frankly, I have nowhere else to turn, no one else to communicate this with. this is an endless cycle of behaviour that I am not able to fix.

this evening, I was actually able to make a decision I can be sure of. I joined a well known clinic that supports assisted suicide. I feel comfortable and calm in my decision to end my own life. and paying the fee gave me a huge sense of relief. I finally feel like I have control in my decision making.

no one in my life has benefited from their social or personal interaction with me, and I am not comfortable with having a war with myself for the rest of my life so,

look, this post is candid, and as honest as it can be. right now, I have made peace with this decision, which has not been made out of selfishness, rather my desire to be at peace with myself, but also for other people to be at peace with me, and the awful decisions I have made in my life.

I am open to questions or comments. I am aware that this post, based on the fact that the day started with my own bad decision, may come across as attention seeking - I can assure you it is not. but it is helpful to have a platform where I can anonymously share my journey, and provide regular updates on my condition, and ultimately I intend to share my last post on my last day.

this is a sure thing, so anyone who wants to join my journey is welcome to do so, I will share details of my meetings with doctors.

I’d like to close by admitting full responsibility for the decisions I made that led me to this point in my life. I, and I alone, chose this. I chose this all along, I just didn’t realise it.