#i am actually curious what the circumstances would have to be for her to decide to have sex with someone

[lesbianmarrow]

you think i'm done talking about this episode no i'm not done. so unfair that mulder has had sex two (2) times on this show and scully hasn't had sex at all yet. manifesting scully getting laid in season 4

[whathehonestfuk]

My brain has created a fun amalgamation of these two posts (link, link)

Steph deciding after Startcourt life is way too short to continue living it for anyone else and immediately starts transitioning, everyone who matters in her life is of course accepting. and the rest of Hawkins is too wrapped up in the drama of the mall to notice that Steph and Steve are the same person, its just assumed Steve got out of dodge after the mall burned down.

the party starts going to hellfire and Stephs babysitter mode activates because these people don't know what monsters and references could set her kids off so she decides to tell Eddie what he is not allowed to use in his campaign or even mention around them. She goes in boymode because no one knows Steph but Steve still has a reputation.

Eddie is very very confused when Steve Harrington approaches him and immediately gets into what he is not under any circumstances to mention in front of the newest members of hellfire and its got to be the weirdest prank or something because the kids have never mentioned knowing Steve at all and all and the only connection Eddie knows about it that Steve is Nancy's ex which would not explain this behavior at all. so of course he has to test it, to disastrous results they do a good job at putting on a brave face but its clear they're terrified and as soon as the session is called they pull out a walkie and start calling for check ins. a voice that must be the mysterious badass and beautiful babysitter Steph that they're constantly going on about tells them to stay put and that she'll come in and get them. they protest that they aren't kids anymore but she isn't hearing it.

Eddies excited to get to see her for himself to see if she really is all they've built her up to be or is this is just a childhood crush clouding their judgment. he decided they haven't been doing her enough justice as she swings the door open and is doing head counts and visual wellness checks backlit from the fluorescents in the hall way like some kind of angel. once shes assured of the partys safety she rounds on him hands on hips looking so bitchy and disappointed "you used something off the list didn't you" it isn't a question. the party catches her attention before he can untie his tongue ruffling hair and giving half hugs, he'll have to thank them latter because the wave goodbye Henderson gives him is definitely conspiratorial like he was taking her attention on purpose.

It takes a day after the weirdness that was the last hellfire meeting for curiosity to get the best of him and he goes to get answers, he has no idea where Steph lives but he's sold at enough Harrington house parties to find his way. Imagine his surprise when its Steph that opens the door and starts talking to him like they've actually conversed before. Like she was the one that gave him the list of things not to mention, while simultaneously dressing him down for not listening.

for at least a brief moment Eddie assumes Steph is dating herself, it would explain how she knows about his conversation with Steve why Steve felt it was his place to tell him about the monsters, maybe she had been busy and he'd offered to go in her stead, and why she was answering his door.

She explains that she can't actually explain all that much about why he cant use demogorgons and mindflayers in his campaigns, because NDAs are a bitch. but does give him what she can leaving him even more curious because what the hell did a bunch of 14 year olds get into in Hawkins that require NDAs

before he leaves though he has to ask how she knows steve because that shouldn't be some huge secret.

Steph looks like a deer in headlights for a moment before doubling over with laughter, snorting hard to breathe crying laughter ( it really shouldn't be as cute as it was) once shes composed herself enough she just states "I am steve"

[maboroshi-no]

Hamefura LN14 Chapter 2 Part 1 Summary

I am currently reading Hamefura LN14 and will post summaries after each chapter.

Previous Chapters: Chapter 1: The Encounter at the Party: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Chapter 2: What Dark Magic is

After a night of sleep, Katarina has recovered from the exhaustion from the party.

Going to the Ministry

Today too, Katarina will go to work at the Ministry. As always, she is woken up by Anne, gets ready with Anne's help, sleeps in the carriage on the way to the Ministry, gets off the carriage upon arriving, greets the gatekeeper, and heads to the department room.

Today, the weather is nice and she wishes she could work outside, but today too, she has her dark magic training in the morning and deciphering the Dark Covenant in the afternoon.

Dark magic training is one thing, but Katarina is apprehensive about the Dark Covenant deciphering session. It comes after lunch, so she has to fight drowsiness during it. She doesn't think she can keep herself awake by pinching her hand. She could hold back on food during lunch, but she looks forward to lunch every day and won't be able to focus on deciphering the covenant with an empty stomach anyway.

Katarina has arrived at the department room and knocks on the door. A female's voice invites her to come in. Katarina is surprised since she thought only Sora would be here at this hour.

Katarina Talks With Larna

Katarina enters the room and is surprised to see Larna alone there.

Larna is the department's director but she is missing most of the time because she is absorbed in her magic research. But Katarina wonders if Larna might not be actually working as "Susanna Randall" when she is missing.

Larna explains that she came here yesterday because something bothered her after the party and she wanted to investigate it.

Katarina realizes that Larna spent the night at the office to investigate things. Looking closely, Katarina can see lots of consumed sweets and documents scattered on her desk.

Larna feels sleepy. She will go take a nap in an empty room.

Before she goes, Katarina asks Larna about the person who gave her magic books when she was a child.

Larna is alert and asks Katarina why she is suddenly asking her this.

Katarina is surprised by Larna's reaction since she casually talked about it before. She wonders if it is a sensitive topic.

Katarina tells Larna she was curious about the circumstances of her entry at the Ministry of Magic, and wondered if it all started with the magic books she received from that person. She asks Larna if it is a sensitive topic.

Larna's expression softens and she apologizes. It is not a sensitive topic but she has been high-strung because of the dangerous incidents lately. This seems to have led her to react sharply to it.

Katarina notes that it is still a topic that will cause her to react sharply.

Larna confirms that it might indeed be because of that person that she entered the Ministry of Magic. If she hadn't met that person, she would have probably remained Marquis Randall's pawn. She has a pained expression and a distant look.

Larna adds that this person is special to her. She hasn't forgotten about them at all but she can't talk about them so easily.

Katarina is surprised.

Larna explains that there is a class of people who will frown just by hearing that person's name.

Katarina wonders if that person did such horrible things. She gulps.

Larna adds that this is what the official history says. Even so, she believes in that person.

Based on what Larna said, Katarina wonders if someone might have rewritten the history to their convenience. There are many things she wants to ask but decides to listen closely instead.

Larna tells Katarina that, after talking so much with her, she has realized Katarina is really similar to that person.

Katarina is surprised and can't help asking if it is because of her face.

Larna bursts out laughing and replies that it is not her face, but the inside, like her way of thinking. That's why she was planning on telling her about that person one day. But it is a long story, so she asks Katarina if she can tell her another time.

Katarina accepts.

Katarina is curious about the person and really wants to hear about them.

Katarina and Sora Talk About Cyrus's Love

Someone knocks on the door. It is Sora. Larna goes to an empty room to take a nap.

Sora and Katarina exchange greetings, and they lightly clean the room.

Sora tells Katarina "Good job attending the party". Katarina replies "Good job escorting Maria to the castle".

Katarina asks Sora how Maria returned home.

Katarina remembers Cyrus was extremely nervous at the party, so she wonders if he could really ride in the carriage alone on the way back with Maria.

Sora tells Katarina he also escorted Maria on the way back. Cyrus rode in another carriage that followed them.

Katarina is not surprised that Cyrus wouldn't ride in the carriage alone with Maria.

Sora can't believe that, despite his looks and image, Cyrus can't ride in the same carriage as the girl he loves. Cyrus doesn't seem intent on making things progress between him and Maria either.

Katarina agrees: even kids these days can approach the one they love better.

Katarina suddenly realizes that Sora is aware of Cyrus's feelings based on what he said. She asks him how he knew.

Sora explains that anyone would notice. Cyrus may be able to hide it better in the workplace but anyone who is not extremely dense could tell based on his attitude yesterday. But Maria appears to be that dense, so she hasn't noticed his feelings.

Katarina feels sorry for Cyrus since, as the heroine, Maria is equipped with extreme denseness. When she played Fortune Lover 1, Katarina found it cute that Maria wouldn't realize the capture target's feelings, but in reality, it is so sad.

Katarina: It is hard when the one you love is so dense.

Sora (distant look and sad voice): …Yes, it really is.

The Senpais Arrive to the Department Room

The senpais arrive in the department room. 

Nix greets Katarina with "Good job attending the party" with a narcissistic pose. Since Nix is a noble, Katarina asks him if he also attended the party. Lisa replies using her raccoon doll that Nix doesn't get invited to parties since he would bring shame to this family. Nix corrects her: it is because he would charm all the girls there that he doesn't get invited to parties. Katarina thinks it is probably Lisa who is right.

Nix and Lisa go into a banter.

Laura asks Katarina if she was approached by weird people at the party.

Looking at Laura, Katarina can't help wondering where she can find goth-loli clothes that fit her muscular body. She wonders if she makes them herself.

Katarina replies she wasn't. Laura is reassured: she can't help worrying about Katarina since she is so cute. Katarina disagrees with Laura.

Laura usually looks after Katarina and treats her like a younger sister but she has completely turned into a dotting parent.

Laura Makes a Scene

Nathan arrives and tells Laura he wants the report of her mission from the other day by end-of-day since the higher-ups are urging him.

Nathan is said to be the best at paperwork in the Ministry but he has such a terrible sense of direction that he can't go anywhere alone, not even the bathroom. He often works on missions with Laura and the two of them get along well.

Laura remembers the mission where she had to put on a disguise. She panics because she hasn't written a single line yet.

Nathan tells her it is her own fault for not writing it immediately and she must now work hard on it.

Laura protests. People pile work on her since she is competent, so she had no time to write the report. She pretends to wipe tears with her lacy handkerchief.

Nathan's glasses glint. He retorts that Laura didn't have any difficult missions recently. She also happily went to lunch and took tea breaks. In other words, she forgot about the report!

Laura dejectedly admits that Nathan is right. She regrets that Nathan is so smart. While she admits it is her fault, she can't possibly write the report by end-of-day. Writing reports is the one thing she hates. She just can't write the report in a single day.

Katarina would have said "okay" to Laura here but Nathan won't let Laura coax him so easily.

Nathan firmly tells Laura that this won't do. He needs the report by end-of-day because they are already late in submitting it.

Laura gives in. She will steel herself and write the report. But she will need Nathan's help. She clings to Nathan. Nathan tries to tear her off him to go to his seat.

Nathan tells Laura to do it herself because he has work to do. Laura replies that it won't take him much time to write one document. But Nathan would like Laura to learn to write her reports herself instead of always pushing them on him.

Katarina is surprised that Laura always pushes her paperwork on Nathan. No wonder Nathan tells her to do it herself.

Laura desperately begs Nathan. She only asks for this one time! She will treat him to lunch! She will return twice the favor!

Katarina can't bear to see Laura make a scene like this. She asks Nathan to help Laura.

Laura feels moved that Katarina is such a sweet girl concerned for her senpai. She pretends to wipe a tear.

Nathan makes a deep sigh and finally accepts. But just for this time.

Katarina is not surprised that Nathan gave in. Like Laura, he is good at taking care of people.

Laura thanks Nathan and hugs him. Nathan's face twitches.

After watching the whole scene, Nix laughs at the two. Nathan remembers that Nix was also part of the mission and asks him to submit his report by end-of-day too. Nix's face twitches and he pretends to have some work to do outside. Lisa captures him and takes him to his seat.

Katarina realizes again that her senpais all have colorful personalities. But each of them is also competent.

Katarina Talks With Tank Top

It will soon the the start of work, but Raphael aka "The True Department Director", is still not here. Katarina is supposed to have her dark magic training with him but he often cancels it since he is so busy. He has especially been busy dealing with the aftermath of Maria's incident, so she still hasn't resumed her dark magic training with him. As a result, she has been helping Tank Top with deliveries instead.

Tank Top arrives in a yellow tank top. He has a message for Katarina: Raphael will be late but they will have their training, so Katarina should go to the usual room ahead.  Katarina worries about Raphael being busy with work even before work hours.

Katarina thanks Tank Top. Then she asks him why he is wearing a yellow tank top today.

Tank Top usually wears a white tank top, so Katarina wonders if he just decided to wear another color for a change. Still, she is expecting a pointless reason like last time, when she asked him why he always wore tank tops.

Tank Top replies that it is his autumn tank top. Katarina is confused. Tank Top explains that the yellow of his tank top is the color of leaves in autumn. It gives an autumn feel. He proudly says that he tries to match his tank tops to the seasons.

Katarina thinks to herself that a tank top doesn't give an autumn feel in the first place. Especially since it has started to become chilly lately. What's more, she doesn't think the color will remind people of autumn. Katarina hesitates to make a retort since Tank Top is so proud of his idea.

Laura discreetly advises Katarina to leave Tank Top alone. He sometimes does this kind of thing depending on his mood but goes back to normal right after. Katarina decides to follow Laura's advice.

Katarina tells Tank Top it is a good idea then leaves. 

Katarina has learned something: Tank Top changes the color of his tank top depending on his mood. Again, it is a useless information.

Katarina Reviews Her Dark Magic Notes

Katarina heads to the dark magic training room.

Once there, she sweeps the floor a little since she is bored. But it isn't enough to kill time.

Katarina decides to review her notes on dark magic:

She can summon a dark familiar (Pochi). He can become big.

She can summon a wand (in the form of a skull).

She can summon a clump of darkness. The size can go from a speck to a mandarine.

She can suck up darkness

Katarina adds at the end what she did the other day:

She can summon a huge lump of darkness (in the form of a snake). Using it, she can constrict people.

Her writing is distorted on that line.

When she came to rescue Maria, she made her magic go out of control and used it to constrict the men who harmed Maria. She still clearly remembers the sensation she felt then. She felt cold, and the scene unfolding before her didn't feel real, like she was seeing it through a TV screen. She was fine when she talked about it with Larna and Cyrus right after the incident, but after calming down for a few days, she became scared.

She identified several measures with Larna and Cyrus:

Don't be emotional

Don't accumulate negative emotions

When you absolutely need to use dark magic, be careful

Katarina has every intention to follow them.

Katarina Is Scared of Dark Magic

After remembering the feeling of being completely engulfed, Katarina starts feeling terrified. She can't decisively assert that she will not be engulfed in darkness anymore. Everyone ignores it but her role as the original villainess of this otome game scares her. Maybe she will be engulfed by her fate? If she gets engulfed by that coldness and snowstorm and her current self disappears, what will happen? She didn't think deeply about dark magic before and now it greatly scares her. Will she ever be able to control it properly? What if she gets engulfed by this coldness and hurts someone precious to her…

???: It's okay.

After someone has said this and touched her shoulder, Katarina realizes that her whole body is shaking terribly.

The person touching her shoulder with their warm hand says this with a gentle voice.

???: It's okay… It's okay, so take a slow breath.

As the gentle voice suggested, Katarina takes a slow breath and repeats it several times. She can feel her shaking gradually calm down. When it finally stops, the hand that was on her shoulder softly touches her head and strokes it.

???: You did well. It's alright now.

The gentle grey eyes in front of her are looking at her fondly.

Katarina: Thank you, Raphael.

Raphael's grey eyes look fondly at her again.

Now that Katarina has calmed down, Raphael calmly asks her this:

Raphael: Did you feel scared because of dark magic?

Raphael is looking at Katarina's opened notes and can see the distorted letters she wrote.

Katarina: …The other day, during the incident where Maria was harmed…

Katarina hesitates to tell Raphael about her magic going out of control because she isn't sure that he has been informed about it. Normally, only Larna and Cyrus (and apparently Geordo) know about it. Even Keith doesn't. If Raphael hasn't been informed, she won't be allowed to tell him. 

With her face downward, Katarina struggles to say something. 

Raphael (gentle voice): I heard from Lady Larna what happened to you during Miss Maria's incident.

After hearing this, Katarina suddenly raises her face. She sees Raphael's gentle face, as gentle as his voice. Katarina's shoulders drop out of relief.

Katarina had fights with people hostile to her many times before, but each time the people around her or Pochi took care of it without her having to do anything. When people told her "Please stop" then, they weren't so injured. But this time, she mercilessly tormented the people shouting "Please stop" at her without any fighting spirit left. If Cezar hadn't stopped her, she could have…

After this, Katarina has not only been scared of dark magic, she has also been scared of "Katarina Claes". That's why she has been afraid that people might be scared of her after hearing this story. She was afraid that people might look at her with fear in her eyes as they would with Katarina Claes in the game.

But Raphael's grey eyes didn't look like that at all.

Raphael gently pats Katarina's shoulders.

Raphael Shares His Experience of Dark Magic

Raphael: The first time I used dark magic was a little after I had become Sirius Dieke. At that time, I only had my mother's vengeance in my mind and I thought I could do anything for it. I had no hesitation in using the dark magic I had obtained. I could also do horrible things that the current me can never consider. Even so, I didn't feel anything. I think I was already engulfed by darkness at that time.

It's the first time Katarina hears about when Raphael used dark magic. 

Marchioness Dieke kidnapped both Raphael and his mother, his mother got killed, Sirus Dieke's memory was forcibly put into his head with dark magic, and he was made to become "Sirius Dieke".

But the marchioness's plan didn't work: Raphael didn't become Sirius Dieke, he just became someone possessing Sirius's memory. Because the last memory of his mother was distorted by dark magic, Raphael swore to avenge his mother. He lived on pretending to be Sirius so he could fulfill his vengeance against the marchioness and her marquesal family.  

Then during his second year at the academy, Raphael conquered dark magic and recovered the true memory of his mother. Now he is living again as "Raphael Wolt".

It was Raphael himself who told Katarina all of this when he started working at the Ministry, but she didn't hear anything besides it in detail.

Even if Raphael has told his story dispassionately, Katarina doesn't want him to remember any more of these heartbreaking events. There were times before when he talked about it in drops but it is the first time Raphael talks about dark magic anew like this.

Raphael: The me at that time could do things that the current me can never do. There was no sense of reality, as if it wasn't me but another person who was doing these things. 

Katarina opens her eyes wide. It is just like what she experienced at that time.

Raphael nods and continues.

Raphael: When I heard what happened to you from Lady Larna, I also remembered what happened to me at that time. When I was engulfed in darkness, it was like it wasn't me, like I was watching the actions of someone else through a glass pane.

Katarina: …Me too, at that time, it was exactly the same feeling. It was like I was watching the actions of someone else. And because it felt like it was someone else doing things, my heart didn't react. Normally, if I saw someone suffering in front of me, I would worry even if it was a stranger, but I didn't. I really didn't feel anything.

Katarina has said this in one go. It is the first time she can clearly speak about what she felt then. It is thanks to Raphael that she can concretely speak about what happened.

Raphael: I see. So it really is the same.

Raphael makes a deep nod.

Raphael: The people who had dark magic used on them were all dazed and often had vague memories. That's why it might apply to the dark magic wielders too: if they get engulfed by darkness, they could also end up in that fuzzy state.

Katarina: …I see.

Katarina thinks about what Raphael has said. If a dark magic wielder gets engulfed in darkness, they could end up affected by dark magic. And even if they hurt people, they won't feel anything.

Katarina: …Dark magic is bad after all. I wonder if I should stop using it.

Katarina remembers Nathan told her before that she might be able to save someone with dark magic. She reviewed her opinion on dark magic at that time but it might be a bad thing after all.

Raphael Shares His Findings About Dark Magic

Raphael: Miss Katarina, you asked me before what the creator of dark magic was thinking. It got me very curious, so I investigated all kinds of things after. 

Katarina remembers talking about it with Raphael after her talk with Nathan. But since he never spoke about it afterward, she thought the conversation had ended at this.

Katarina (shyly): And so… Did you learn something after investigating it?

Raphael shakes his head.

Raphael: Nothing definite.

Katarina: I see… Of course. After all, dark magic is a magic that has been concealed.

Dark magic had always been concealed by the royal family until its existence was revealed after the previous king's succession strife. It is not something someone can investigate just because they want to. Katarina knew it but it would have decreased her fear a little if it appeared dark magic was created for people's sake.

Raphael: You're right. The royal family is concealing dark magic, so the literature about it is forbidden literature. However, I know about the existence of dark magic and was using it before. Currently, the royal family understands that I am giving you dark magic training as a member of the Ministry. Given this situation, I could get them to show me the forbidden literature.

Katarina: Eh, really?! So you could see it!

Raphael: Yes, the royal family understands our situation, so if you speak to them I think you will also be able to.

Katarina: I see!

Raphael: But it is written in ancient script, and a very ancient one, so it is very hard to read.

Katarina: …I see (so it might be impossible for me).

Katarina has already a lot of deciphering to do with the Dark Covenant.

Katarina: But if you read it and didn't learn anything, then I won't learn anything either even if I read it.

Katarina feels like there is no point in trying to read the forbidden literature if even Raphael couldn't learn anything from it. Besides, it is not like she needs to investigate it.

Raphael: It is not like I didn't learn anything.

Katarina quickly turns her head towards Raphael.

Raphael (troubled face): I couldn't learn anything definite even after investigating the forbidden literature. They are very old records and there are many fuzzy parts on a number of them, so I can't make any definite conclusion. But I have one hypothesis.

Katarina: A hypothesis?

Raphael: Yes, a hypothesis. It is something I have imagined after reading the records, so it is not definite. It may just be my imagination, but will you still listen to it?

Katarina nods.

Raphael: Then I'll start by talking about the ancient times as I understood it from the forbidden literature.

The history of the Sorcier country started when people with magic powers traveled to this land from far away and settled in it. No one lived in this land and it was not rich at all. These people coming from far away used their magic to make the land rich and developed it. Magic development and research flourished as they improved their quality of life. People brought forth various magic. Before long, they made this land into a country. 

The country rapidly prospered with the power of magic. Its wealth caused magic to develop even more. But as the country gradually developed, greedy people from another land gathered and tried to steal its riches. The Sorcier people used their magic to drive the greedy people away but it didn't decrease their numbers. Some even attacked after joining forces with insiders. Since they were invaded, the Sorcier people had no choice but to fight to protect their livelihood. They fought using magic as a weapon.

After they fought to protect their country again and again, the invaders eventually gave up and left. But after the fight, both the rich land and the people living on it were left heavily wounded. 

Then a certain magic wielder appeared among them. A powerful magic wielder that brought hope to the wounded land and people. Like a genius, that magic wielder rapidly brought forth new magics and healed the ruined land and the people's wounds. That magic wielder was praised as the pride of the country.

But one day, the magic wielder created a magic they should have never created. This magic stole many lives and dried up the land. Because it was such a dangerous magic, the surviving people were kept silent and the magic wielder was confined until their death. 

Following this incident, magic research became taboo and magic declined. Eventually, people without magic power from nearby regions came to live in numbers in this country, so the number of magic wielders decreased and their magic power weakened.

Raphael: Did you listen from start to end?

Katarina: Yes. I think I learned in history class the beginning part and how magic wielders decreased and magic power weakened. But the parts about the conflict and the magic wielder, it's the first time I've heard them.

Raphael: It is the same for me. It was the first time I learned about such a conflict happening and about that genius magic wielder born after. And I think the dangerous magic that the magic wielder brought forth is most likely dark magic.

Katarina gulps and waits for Raphael to continue.

Raphael: And then, I thoroughly searched if there wasn't any other document mentioning this magic wielder. When I did, I found a similar story. It was written as a tale.

That person had strong healing magic. They healed the withered land and the people's wounds and turned back things to how they were. But they couldn't heal the people's hearts wounded by the fights.

The gentle person worried about it and before long, they brought forth a new magic to help the people suffering from their wounded hearts. With that magic, they could heal the wounds in people's hearts. They created a tool where they infused their magic. Then they healed the hearts of many more people. Thanks to this person, everyone could be happy.

But to get hold of that person, the greedy people stole someone precious to them. The person grieved after losing that precious person and their healing magic became tainted with evil.

Raphael: This was inside the tale book. It was a story written in an inconspicuous and hard-to-understand way as if it hid something. At a glance, It didn't seem related to the story I told you before, but after investigating more, it was written in a similar era and the situation was also very similar. In the other literature, the "magic wielder" created an evil magic and was made evil. But this tale was different. "Magic wielder" wasn't written in it, as if to hide them inconspicuously. Maybe someone who loved the "magic wielder" secretly left this tale behind to clear the name of the "magic wielder". That's what I thought.

Katarina: In other words, the magic wielder who created dark magic created it to heal people's hearts? But dark magic power is created by feeding on people's lives. Isn't it wrong to steal people's lives for healing?

Raphael: That's true, but I wonder if it isn't a misunderstanding in the first place to think that dark magic power necessarily requires people's lives. I could use dark magic with the magic power of another person, and you too Miss Katarina, because you obtained a dark familiar, you didn't steal someone's life.

Katarina: That's true now that I think about it.

Raphael: Besides, the old documents among the forbidden literature didn't mention that part. I could see "the person's life is used as a vector" in the recent ones, but it is possible that it was different in the beginning.

Katarina: …I see.

Raphael: In other words, it is possible that the original dark magic was created without stealing lives and that it was meant to heal people's hearts.

Katarina: But now it is completely different.

The current dark magic is a bad thing that steals people's lives and manipulates the people on whom it is used.

Raphael: That's right. At first, the original magic was something that healed people. It was working but it went out of control.

Katarina: It went out of control?

Raphael: When I heard your magic went out of control the other day, I remembered the sentence, "The person grieved after losing that precious person and their healing magic became tainted with evil." I wonder if the "magic wielder" lost control of their magic after losing someone precious.

Katarina recalls what happened during Maria's incident. After Maria, Maria's mother, and Cezar were harmed, "something cold" appeared deep inside her and engulfed her, and then she doesn't know what happened to her. What if the "magic wielder" was also engulfed by that thing, lost control of their magic and stole the lives of many people as a result… Katarina can't help feeling concerned, so she feels scared and incredibly sad about it. 

The "magic wielder" healed the people wounded by the conflict and brought forth a new magic because they also wanted to heal their hearts. They probably was a gentle person. Even so, after losing someone precious, they lost control of their power and stole many lives as a result. Then they were imprisoned their whole life as a criminal. If it was true, they must have felt incredibly hurt.

Katarina clenches her hand in front of her chest.

Raphael: Sorry, I didn't mean to make you sad.

Raphael continues.

Raphael: What I wanted to tell you is that it may be anger that causes dark magic to go out of control and thus engulf you.

Katarina: Anger? Come to think of it, Lady Larna also said this when I talked to her.

Katarina remembers that Larna and Cyrus also said the same thing.

Raphael: That's how it seems. Hearing this, I remembered how it was with me, and me too, when I felt strong anger because of what happened to my mother, I felt like my consciousness was strange. And after recalling this, I thought it was possible that dark magic might grow with anger, maybe also with sadness or other negative emotion, and go out of control whether you're used to it or not. 

Katarina: It will go out of control even if you're used to it?

Katarina thought it would be like with the other magic: if you use it well then it won't go out of control. But dark magic seems different.

Raphael: Considering what happened to the "magic wielder", I think it is very likely.

Katarina: Then as long as I use dark magic, I will always have to be afraid it might go out of control? In that case, I don't want to use it anymore.

Katarina doesn't want to feel that scary feeling anymore.

Raphael: That's true. But conversely, if you use dark magic when you're not angry, cancel it when you're getting angry and don't use it when you're feeling angry, if you can respect these conditions, then it won't go out of control.

Katarina: "not feeling angry", "cancel it"... I wonder if I can do this.

Katarina remembers that at that time, it was because she was overcome with anger that she used dark magic in the first place. She wonders if she can stop her anger herself.

Raphael: It isn't such an easy thing, is it?

Raphael makes a little troubled face.

Raphael: To be honest, when we were at the academy, I tried to manipulate you with dark magic, but I couldn't. At that time, you didn't have anything like anger or jealousy in you.

Katarina is surprised.

Katarina: Oh, you did? But the other day, it was because I felt incredibly angry that I was engulfed in darkness. I can have anger in me.

Raphael: That's true, but it was because Miss Maria and the others could get harmed that you got angry, right?

Katarina: Yes, that's right.

Katarina can't forget how her anger burst out from inside her body at that time.

Raphael: Miss Katarina, back at the academy, when you were about to fall into disgrace, you didn't get angry. But when the people precious to you are harmed, you get angry. Your anger is not something you feel for yourself but for someone. That's why you felt so angry the other day that you got engulfed in dark magic.  

Katarina remembers that when she was about to be doomed at the condemnation event, she was scared about what would happened to her but she didn't feel anger erupting. To begin with, she believed at that time that she was the only one in danger and that the others would be fine. That's why she didn't feel anger.

But after learning that Raphael went through painful events, that Keith was kidnapped and harmed, and that Maria was harmed, she felt strong anger. Now that this feeling has sprouted in her, she doesn't think she can make it disappear. After all, even now, she can't forgive the dark organization who did cruel things to the people precious to her.

Katarina: Hmm… I can't forgive anyone hurting the people precious to me. That's why I can't forgive the dark organization. If those people do something to my precious people again, I think I will get extremely angry.

Katarina knows she must not get angry so she won't be engulfed in dark magic. But she has no confidence she can remain calm if something similar happen again.

Raphael: Well, you are this kind of person. Besides, it is not simple to hold back your anger. But since you get angry for people's sake, can't you go back to your senses if you recall them?

Katarina: Recall them?

Raphael: If you remain engulfed in darkness and out of control, the one you tried to protect will get even more hurt. That time too, if you hadn't come to your senses, Miss Maria whom you had finally saved would have gotten even more hurt.

This renders Katarina speechless. She wonders how much she would have hurt Maria is she had remained engulfed in darkness. She didn't thought so far.

Raphael: If you ever use dark magic while overcome with anger, recall the people precious to you right away.

Katarina remembers Larna told her the exact same thing.

Katarina: Ah!

Katarina realizes her last exchanges with Raphael have been the same as the ones she had with Larna after the incident. She wonders how she could forget about it.

Raphael: What's wrong?

Katarina: No, I just remembered Lady Larna told me the same thing.

Raphael: I see, so Lady Larna thought the same thing.

Raphael shows mixed feelings but smiles.

Katarina takes from this conversation that she will be fine if she remembers her precious people when she uses dark magic. Rather than keeping in mind that she doesn't want to hurt her friends, she prefers to remember that she wants to use her magic to protect them. That way, she feels like she will be able to think a little more positively of dark magic.

Raphael gives her a gentle look.

Raphael: And so, to come back to the original discussion, the hypothesis I could finally make after reading the forbidden literature is: "Dark magic was at the beginning something meant to help people, just like you said. It actually was a gentle magic meant to heal people and not a bad thing in the slightest."

Raphael makes a pause, then continues.

Raphael: Also, I've always thought this during the training but the dark magic you use is somewhat different from that sordid thing I was using. It gives off some kind of gentle feeling. Then I thought this after finding that story in the forbidden literature: your dark magic is not an evil thing and might be the original gentle magic that healed people.

Katarina (mutters): …gentle magic.

Raphael: In short, I just wanted to tell you that you're fine. Sorry it took so long.

Raphael pats Katarina's head. 

Until earlier, Katarina didn't want to use dark magic anymore but thanks to the gentle Raphael, she feels like she can do her best a little more.

Raphael pats her head for a little while, then they do their usual dark magic training.

Once the training was over, the fear and the anxiety that Katarina felt greatly decreased.

[writhingg]

Hello! I am reading your story "carry all the pain away" on Ao3 and absolutely love it!

I was wondering what inspired you to write a story where Paul does not imprint on your main protagonist and why you keep it canon? (I was super intrigued by it!)

Also you already mentioned (in reply to my comment on your work) short chapters were a challenge you enjoyed and I was curious about the other reasons you decided to write it like you did (coming from someone who's done it before to add artistic nuance to the plot).

Hey!!! I was literally just about to reply to your comment on ao3. 😅 Thank you so much for your support. It means the world to me that you’re taking the time to read it and engage with me. 💜💜

Now onto your questions…

1. I’ve always wanted to write a story where one of the guys is anti-imprinting. When the wolf pack is introduced and we learn about imprinting, it seems like the two people involved end up happy even if it happens under less than desirable circumstances (Sam, Emily, and Leah for example). One of the guys imprints, they inevitably fall in love (which, when you think about Jacob and Quil’s imprints, is very creepy), and everyone gets a happy ending. But I think imprinting as a concept is actually kind of unsettling. Like, all of a sudden, you see this person and they’re your soul mate and now you guys have no choice but to be together - and yes, I know smeyer sets it up to seem like the imprinter and the imprintee could just be friends if they wanted to, but when all of the other imprints end up in a romantic relationship, it doesn’t seem like there’s much of a choice to not be together. And not only that, but the imprint changes the wolf, right? Mentally and emotionally. Their entire world now revolves around this one person and they’ll do anything to keep her happy. And it all comes down to no longer having free will, no longer being able to choose your future, no longer being able to choose who you want to love/be with. This person is forced on you and you just have to accept it because it's fate or whatever. It all feels very non-consensual. We kind of see this anti-imprinting sentiment from Jacob in Eclipse when he’s explaining it to Bella (I can’t remember if Sam gives in immediately or puts up a fight first), and then when it happens to him, he also accepts it. So I wanted to approach it from a stand point where one of the guys has no interest in imprinting. He values his freedom and wants to make his own choices (which is why, in my story, Paul abandons Sam’s pack) and thinks it’s fucked up to be supernaturally tied to another person without his permission. Ultimately, I thought Paul would be an interesting character to explore this dynamic with. I felt like he’d be the most resistant considering his canon character is pretty “hot-headed.” He doesn’t seem like the type of guy who likes being told what to do. I wanted to not only give him some more depth, but write him falling in love with someone naturally because he’s always imprinting in other stories and is usually very possessive. And then, when he imprinted on Rachel, I wanted to explore that sort of back-and-forth, tug-and-pull between his real self and his imprinted self. There are also a lot of stories where the wolf is initially upset about the imprint and tries to resist, but again, he ends up giving in. What if the wolf didn’t give in so easily - or at all? What if he was actively trying to undo the bond? And what if, maybe, he was successful? Sooooooo yeah, a very long answer because I love to yap, but I wanted to do something complex and challenging and ultimately, because I love love love drama. 😂

2. So when I started writing this story, it was initially just a vague idea and some blurbs in a notebook. And I wrote all of these blurbs out of order; some pertaining to the end of the story, some from the middle. I kind of found it…easier, in a sense, to write out of order. Sometimes I struggle with continuing long stories because I’m approaching it with a specific order of events (and all of the stuff that takes place in the middle is the hardest for me), but for this one, I liked the way it flowed to go back and forth between the past and present. I’m not married to a certain structure, and with shorter chapters, there’s less pressure to have a beginning, middle, and end. I can laser-focus on a specific moment in time, and when you add all these moments up, they make a complete story.

Thanks for chatting with me! 😊

[hiddengenshinfan]

“Are You Really Her….?”

Neuvifuri(Can be Platonic or Romantic)

Major Implications Of Character Death

Sum - Meeting someone you have never seen within years that you were told had passed is quite a….jarring experience. Especially when you can’t talk…or move.

ALT Prologue - “We Meet Again Under These……Circumstances~”

Everything felt so watery, like she was enveloped in water. It almost felt she was drowning in it but it didn’t hurt. It was all over her, it was inside her it was everywhere. It was within her now after all but it still felt so utterly strange, she had never felt sensations like this in her 500+ years of existence. Maybe this was how you felt after death? A droning sound and footsteps were the only things that accompanied that all encompassing feeling, as well the darkness behind her eyes.

Gentle hands started playing with her hair, and she slowly opened her eyes it was painful to even move her eyelids. This was…..the Opera Epiclese or at least looked like it. It was so bright it felt like it was burning her eyes to look yet at the same time there was a strong feeling to not turn towards the entity playing with her hair. But it hurt so much…..she only had so much willpower. So she finally decided to go against that strange feeling and turned around.

Her gaze was met by identical heterochromic eyes, which made her own eyes widen slightly. Was this another dream?! She was dead, mirror her was dead! Neuvillette said so did he lie?! What purpose would he have to lie about that!?

Then a hand caressed her chin, and then she heard a calming voice that she had not actually heard in so so long. “Calm down Furina~ It will be alright.~” The way the other said it immediately calmed her, it made mirror her all the more real but she couldn’t imagine Neuvillette lying about some a thing. He was always so….honest? Was that the right word honestly she couldn’t be sure more so blunt maybe? He didn’t necessarily have many secrets to hide but she had a mansion of such, she was the liar in the relationship not Neuvillette so what was going on.

But then ‘mirror her’ got up from the sitting position she was in before and spoke again. “I am glad you are finally awake~” ‘Mirror her’ said with a playful smile then started to walk around the stage seemingly unneeding of a response to that. Furina tried to speak she did but the very second she tried to talk, her jaw wouldn’t move and if it did it hurt with no end to the point she stopped trying for now at least. “You must have many questions right?~” She spoke like she knew what Furina was thinking which Furina herself didn’t at all doubt. “…..Well I have many questions too!~ Just not towards you but him.” For once the very playful tone phased itself out especially at the mention of a him. It made Furina slightly curious but she still wasn’t able to even move her jaw so she didn’t try to ask.

“Anyways. That is truly unimportant for what we need to talk about now~ My appearance here is not a dream nor is it a hallucination.~ I am truly here with you Furina!~ Within you’re mind at least!~” She spoke with a certain sense of calm but also nonchalantly with that constant playfulness attached, like that wasn’t just a lot of information. How could she be within her mind but it not be a dream or hallucination?!  As well as the fact she was still hang up on the fact Focalors was supposed to be dead!

“So humorous….~” Mirror her said with a tiny bit of a giggle seemingly unable to stop it fully from being let out. What did th- “I can hear your thoughts, my silly little perfect human half!~” She said full of an affection that made Furina slightly flustered, since she was unused to it. Both from mirror her as well as anybody, she wanted to retort but she still couldn’t regardless of how much she wanted to. “Anyway. We are struck in a rather unorthodox situation. Do you have any clue why I’d reconvene with you?” There was no more playfulness to her tone but it didn’t sound cruel but it sounded much more professional if Furina had to use a word like that.

Furina honestly didn’t know everything was so murky almost like all her memories had been flooded and she had to swim through her own brain to recover them. There were faint acknowledgments of people of situations of stuff that happened. But if you asked her names for whatever reason she’d only be able to say Neuvillette’s, Clorinde’s and Seigwinne’s. Why those three she didn’t even know but that’s all she would be able to say. Mirror her just seemed to sigh and give her a look of…..pity?

“We were once one, through I separated us to trick the heavenly principles. It was a planned inevitability that if that failed or something else strange happened we would reconvene into one again. My divinity with your body and sprit like we originally were. Through my divinity has been lost and givin back to its rightful owner this simple fact that we were eventually meant to reconvene had not changed, through now all we’d both gain was the memories that are probably far too eroded to even recall. That does not matter through, this reconvening process had requirements we had to be in samilar states of existence, which is why I didn’t become one with you after I ‘perished’. But something has fundamentally changed about your state of existence that has allowed me to become one with you again…..”

Mirror her let that linger in the air almost unsettlingly seemingly wishing for Furina to figure out what the former god was trying to say. Furina felt a bluntly sharp pain in her head then she grabbed onto her chest…..

She didn’t remember what happened next, until she finally realized that Focalors was shaking her with a strange look on her face, most of this whole time she had a smile or a straight face but she looked scared, concerned or maybe even fearfully. She only realized the sharp pain radiating from her chest and that she was violently shaking and even that she was screaming and crying. How did she not realize that…? Then she started to feel so distant from Focalors from everything. She felt like she was becoming a simple observer of her own trembling body and Focalors desperate form. Getting further and further from them until she realized she could not see them and only saw murky darkness.

She shot up out of fear everything hurt! Where did she go!? She had only realized the scenery had changed when she frantically looked around for them. It was a room maybe in a basement but that was not the most alarming part. He was here…..Neuvillette! She wanted to run over to him ask him what any of this meant!? Those memories everything! He should know right?! But her body did not obey actually she’d say it was very disobedient after she jerked awake it seemed it did not indeed move. Actually her head slumped over slightly. Why was her body being so traitorous! All she wanted was answers, she was so confused!

All she could do was look at Neuvillette and try and talk, trying to repeat the words ‘Help me’. But of course he seemed stunned, why was he stunned!? The one time she needed him the one time she so desperately needed his help and was willing to actually show it….he’s stunned?! When she is actually able to talk she is going to give him a piece of her mind! Hm….there had to be a way to get him to move right!? She needed him this opportunity to ask questions to somebody that wasn’t Focalors that she trusted was too big of an opportunity to mess!

She tried desperately to left up her hand towards Neuvillette but it wasn’t obeying her. This was far too painful to bare…..maybe just maybe…she could use that excessive of water in her body? It was a strange thought that overwhemingsense of hydro that felt like it encompassed her maybe she could use it. She was unsure if she had her vision on her person she was far too frantic to think that logically. She’d make this work she’d make her arm work no matter what! It simply had!

WORK WORK WORK. She kept on screaming within her own mind towards her hand, she was desperate truly desperate. Archons she had to make so many excuses later about this but that was her future, her now was now. Eventually she felt her arm be encompassed in the hydro on the inside at least, it felt so strange so numb, maybe she could use this weird hydro to force her hand to move at least. She focused on her wrist trying to get it to move, then she heard a crack. Then she saw nothingness.

Her eyes fluttered open but now she was no longer in a basement with Neuvillette. She was back with Focalors on the stage. Through the way Focalors stared at her made her uneasy, was she glaring at her? The former god then bluntly said “Yes.”

She wanted to ask why and what happened back there. “You woke up obviously! Yea broke your own wrist and then someone rightfully assumed you were a danger to yourself and knocked yea back out.” Mirror her said crossing her arm glaring at Furina still. When did she break her wrist…? She didn’t remember the pain, but she had a feeling that cracking sound might’ve been it. “Of course it was. You forced too much of hydro on your fragile bones through your mind alone….which is mildly concerning.” Mirror her started to pace looking at Furina again. Possibly….could her other half no longer be human? It was surely a possibility at least after that display, but what would she be then? It was curious question for right now Focalors simply assumed due to Neuvillette and her own involvement that Furina had become a Oceanaid of sorts again. Considering her dominion over the hydro in her own body, but Focalors was not omnipotent she only knew so much, maybe more then Furina did but even she only know so much and Neuvillette probably had more answers then the both of them which she’d silently curse Celestia for.

Maybe when Furina next awakens to the actual world they can try and talk to Neuvillette together….to get there own respective answers.

[qoldenskies]

Hey me again *frothing at the mouth* What Are You Doing To Me

Also I had a question this time but feel free to ignore or leave it if it'd be spoilers or something. In clipped wings will they find out and get revenge on the (presumably witch yokai) who placed the curse? I know you said the focus of this segment would be the recovery but I am nothing if not a sucker for some good ol revenge :3

It was so fun to know that the other yokai in the bathroom would be important from the very start but not fully why; to then finally make the connection with April that it was probably a witch from witchtown???? *chefs kiss* good stuff right there I say I do say. I honestly never got around to watching the entirety of the show (too much second hand embarrassment) and Donnie vs Witchtown was one of those episodes I skipped, so now I'm wondering if this is a previously introduced character or someone brought in solely for the sake of the plot. And who knows this may not be relevant to the fic whatsoever but I'm curious and rabid with feelings *bats eyelashes at you cutely*

And if there is revenge I'm so excited because Leo clearly meant that he would kill whoever did it but also he was delirious with grief and also actually killing someone would be so disastrous. Sure the three may feel better about it but I can't help but feel it would truly prove to Donnie that they have full capability to actually kill him. They didn't before but they still have that power of course it would only take a few slip ups before he's out of luck. Would he feel any relief in knowing that the one behind all of his pain was gone forever and no longer able to harm him? No because its so so deeply ingrained in him that it's all his fault and now he's gone and gotten someone Killed over him. Ihxogsgkslhdlhxigdykxgkc

Sorry I lost myself a bit there. Anywho I'm still feral about all of this and I don't think I will be able to function properly for a very long time and I am so sorry I'm apparently incapable of being normal about this. Thanks again! :D

HIIIIII //WAVES EXCITEDLY

i saw your last ask yesterday and i could have SWORN i responded but then i saw it in my ask box and was like SHIT.......... and then i came back and there was another so NO MATTER!!! I WILL RESPOND TO THIS ONE (and get to the ao3 comments in the morning because i get so easily overwhelmed by them even though they are my lifeblood LMAO)

secondhand embarrassment is quite a valid reason to skip around episodes, although if you want to know what happens in the ones you skimmed over the rottmnt wiki has transcripts which i tend to use when going back for information for fics! and the witch isn't a pre-established character, no worries!!! (i somewhat considered bringing back mira and gentry, but as it is right now i dont think they'll be appearing at all) i could have just used an oc but ive decided to LOOSELY adapt idw kitsune and not really worry about how adherent she is to her original characterization; i just know she does some brainwashing in the idw comics, so she was the best to snatch! also foxes are cool

AND THERE WILL BE REVENGE! some stipulations have to be met first so i cant really reveal the circumstances without going too deeply into spoiler territory, but they have an extremely pressing issue they don't even know about yet, so they'll be distracted with that before they can do anything along those lines (and the way they fix it will even play into the revenge!). i should probably warn, though, that the witch in the bathroom was not actually the one who did the curse, but she WAS still responsible,,,, let's just say the magic that was used for it is not typical of regular, mortal witches. ;)

and as for the way donnie will respond, i cant say much about it yet!! things are going to be very different by the time we get to that point heehee

[sluggydrabbles]

FLUFFBRUARY 15 - A MISUNDERSTANDING IS RESOLVED

They were learning bones and Palamedes made a motion he did often. He reached up towards his face absentmindedly and pushed one finger towards the middle of his nose, before stopping and putting his hand down quickly. It was like he expected something to be there but it wasn’t.

Now that she was almost four months old and wasn’t such a baby, they would often answer her questions, so she decided to ask him about it.

“Why do you do that?” She made the gesture he did.

He looked surprised and he smiled patiently, like he always did when she had asked something slightly foolish. It didn’t mean that he thought she was stupid, just that he wanted to help her understand. “When I was in my body I needed glasses but Cam doesn’t need them. They would always slide down my nose and so I sometimes push them up even if they aren’t actually there, because it’s a habit.”

Nona looked at him for a second, tilting her head, “What do you mean, your body had glasses?”

He frowned. “Remember the nice old lady at the shop the other day, with the thing on her face, covering her eyes? Those are glasses. Some people's eyes have problems seeing and glasses help us be able to see.”

Nona pouted. "I'm not a baby, I know what glasses are.” She wasn’t going to admit that she hadn’t known they were for making people see better. “But how did you used to need them but not any more?”

He was confused by her question. “Well, my original body needed them, but Camilla doesn’t need them. She has always had great eyesight.”

Nona stared at him, wide eyed. “You used to have your own body?”

This was a revelation. Camilla and Palamedes had always lived in the same body, as long as she had known them. The idea that Palamedes used to exist separately was so strange!

“What was your body like?” She asked, desperately curious.

He laughed. “I was tall, taller than Cam, and nearly as skinny as you.”

“Were you taller than Pyrrha?” Pyrrha was so big and tall and strong.

“I think I was. It was likely fairly close, but based on comparing her to Cam, I would say I probably would win by a few centimeters.” He was smug about this for some reason. “I should actually ask her, because I am curious now.”

Nona thought back to what he said. “But you were skinny like me? Did you fall over when it was windy?”

“Well, we didn’t have wind back where we were from, but yes, I did fall over a lot.”

Nona was always glad to distract from the bones, especially when she could learn more about the people she loved. “What did your face look like?”

Palamedes looked thoughtful for a moment before answering. “It was bony, and my nose was a little bigger. It went out to about here.” He held his hand a little bit in front of his nose. “I had glasses, like we established, and I always struggled with pimples around the nose bridge. My hair was shorter than Camilla’s, and I could never keep it neat.” He rubbed his chin and the fine hairs on his upper lip. “I grew more hair on my face than Cam, like Pyrrha does, but it honestly wasn’t that much more. It was patchy though, and I didn’t like how it looked when I tried to grow it out, so I shaved it. But I would always forget and Cam would complain that it was irritating and scratchy.”

“Were you beautiful, like Cam?” She asked, earnestly. She was trying to imagine him, but she was having trouble.

A surprised laugh burst out of him. “I thought I was decent looking on a good day, but no, nowhere near as beautiful as Cam.”

Disappointing, but very few people were even close to as lovely to look at as Cam. “Is that why you decided to be in Cam’s body? Because it was more beautiful?”

His smile vanished. “No, it’s not what I would have chosen under normal circumstances.”

Nona frowned. “Why wouldn’t you want to be in Cam’s body? Cam’s body is wonderful.”

“It is. But being in her body means I can’t hug her or touch her and I miss that desperately.” Palamedes looked like he was about to cry.

Nona had seen him cry before but he always tried to hide it and it made Nona feel bad when he cried and made her want to cry. She threw her arms around him, hugging him. “Don’t worry Palamedes! I will give Cam hugs for you and tell her that you love her very much.”

His arms wrapped around her in a firm embrace. “Thank you Nona.”

[lady-of-the-spirit]

So you have Sersi from the eternals as your dp. What do you like about her? Why do you think she is important? Just curious.

I waited to answer this so I could have time to collect my thoughts on Sersi and why's my fave.

I mean, the first time I saw the movie I was just. Drawn to her. I think from the moment she turned the stone dagger into gold, and then the timeskip and we saw her walking into work and talking to the statue of Charles Darwin I was like "Oh, she's gonna be my favourite, I can tell." And then I was right because every point after that I fell more in love with her and by the time the movie was over I was obsessed with her forever. So inexplicable attraction is the first reason.

One of the things I like about Sersi the most is that, for a movie that's about a team of aliens who have to live amongst humanity for thousands of years, Sersi is the one who fully embraces it, for good and bad. Phastos stopped, but came around again after making his own human family. Druig loves humanity, but his form of love is control - he would rather they not have any control over their lives if it meant they'd stop having conflict, because he knows better than them (I need Druig stans to stop acting like he loves humanity without acknowledging this, bc it's creepy and fucked up). But Sersi loves humanity, for good and for bad. Every time she's interacting with humans - back in Babylon, with the kids she teaches, in Druig's village, even the brief scene at Phastos's house - she's having a great time. She loves them. She more than anyone else has embraced this planet as her home, and these people as her own.

But that's also part of her internal conflict. the movie isn't as in depth with this unfortunately, but she's spent the last 7000 or however years thinking they'll all eventually return to Olympia, which is their 'real' home. So as much as she loves these people, however long she spends on Earth with them, she's going to have to leave eventually. She says it herself - they're just waiting for Arishem to tell them they can come home. And the Mission is what matters most, right? So she has to set up a barrier in her heart - Earth isn't her home, Olympia is. And that also is part of the conflict when they find out the truth about the convergence. Because it's throwing EVERYTHING she believed into question. because she spent forever loving these people, this planet, but also believing in the mission because why wouldn't she, she trusts Ajak, and now suddenly the mission has changed. and she has to choose between The Mission (even if the mission has changed) and everyone she loves dying. but she's still the first to say "We're not going to let everyone on earth die, right?!" like regardless of how much she struggles with making a choice on what to do, she knows there's only one right outcome, even if they don't know how to get there.

and like, as a story, narratively I wish Sersi had gotten to actually take charge of the group and make a clear decision without circumstances forcing her to do something she's still unsure about. but with her personality in mind, it makes sense to me. She's been thrust into leadership unexpectedly, not to mention it's made explicitly clear that her leadership isn't actually respected by the group (as a whole, individually it's different) because everyone thought it would be Ikaris instead and he's their de facto leader anyway. So her not having any idea what to do in this situation? Trying to decide, doubting herself, but still having to step up in the end - and STILL not sure she made the right choice? Makes so much sense to me. Very relatable. I felt that, I am her. Wish it had been different for the sake of her character arc, but I still get it.

I guess the final answer to your question of why I think she's important and what I like about her is that Sersi is that out of all of them, she fully steps into the life they have to lead. Sprite admits to being jealous of humans and sides with Ikaris, Ikaris is self explanatory, Gilgamesh and Thena both stepped away from human life, Ajak loves humanity and changes her mind but still is shown to be living a solitary life out in the middle of nowhere, Druig and Phastos I already talked about, Makkari hides away on the Domo for several centuries and besides curiosity about their artifacts doesn't seem interested in humans themselves, and Kingo does love the people of Earth but lives as a celebrity so not exactly one with the common man.

Sersi lives a normal life among the people she loves. Sersi is unsure about everything except that she won't let humanity die. Sersi is the one who wholeheartedly embraces Earth as her home the moment she's free to do so. Sersi is the one who loves them enough to do anything to save them, even when she doesn't believe she can. Sersi is the heart of the story, and the one who saves the day, even when she's scared and doesn't know if she's doing the right thing, because it's the only way to save everyone.

this whole thing got away from me I hope this makes sense I'm not going back to reread this and make it make sense or make it cohesive.

other random things I love about Sersi

she loves kids. every time she interacts with a kid she looks so happy. it's so cute.

green is my favourite colour so there was no way I wouldn't love her just because of that. and she looks so good in it too.

just watch her face when she, Ikaris and Sprite are watching Kingo's performance - she looks so delighted. Ikaris and Sprite are just like wtf but she looks so EXCITED!

she's 7000~ years old and she's still a terrible liar. Dane brings up her ex who's 7000 years old and can fly, and she says "he's a pilot".

her indecision is so relatable to me I said this already but it's true. Anyone would be struggling in her shoes.

she's GOOD and she's KIND. she tries her best.

her powers are so cool like. there's a boulder 3x her size flying her way, shot out of a volcanic eruption, and it takes one quick touch to turn it into a flock of birds. like if she were even a second off she'd die, but she doesn't even flinch.

people claim that druig doesn't care about anyone but Makkari and they're so wrong for that like he listens to Sersi, he does, in fact, care about her opinion and care about her. she doesn't demand his help or threaten him, she asks for his help and then tells him he's better than this, and he listens to her.

Ajak and Thena, obectively two of the coolest Eternals, are her biggest supporters so if you don't support Sersi they wouldn't support you, sorry.

in the comic on webtoon (which was not good but whatever) she collects trinkets and artifacts from everywhere they've been and it's filling the whole Domo, she's just like me fr (she and Makkari)

the way that when they're leaving Phastos's home, she reaches out to comort him as they're walking down the street. and when he's telling her (not Ikaris, he's only talking to Sersi even though Ikaris is also there) about losing his faith and getting it back with his family, she's listening with a sympathetic, understanding look. she gets it. she loves that he's found this family for himself. she's happy for him. they're best friends to me.

she's chronically late, talks to statues, is obsessed with her phone and apps, and forgets to silence her phone in the middle of important meetings. she's a dork. I love her so much.

hope this late, long rambling answer makes sense and answers your question!

[stateswscarlet]

hi scar!! 😸 plz see this <3

i sent a question to you 2-3 months ago or even more.. i don't remember 😭 but in my ask i told you that i was so tired of this cycle and i wanted to just have my df and i was just so fed up with being ugly, i said i was overwhelmed..

and you said that you felt bad for me and suggested to love myself instead, i actually listened your advice and took a big break from tumblr, i just sitted w myself and wrote the things i love about myself and embraced myself as the way i am

now i feel secure in myself and i love my appearance which is ok but i had a role model since i was a child and i would always imagine myself as her and would feel fulfilled, happy since childhood

i'm not obsessive with my appearance anymore so i decided to look like her but i realized i still have doubts like 😟 " what if people calls me copycat " " what if everyone calles me as someone who got known by looking like that celeb" etc.

i tried to fulfill myself and i felt so fucking happy and i felt like it was a done deal. this feeling made me so confident and secure in my manifesting abilities but then this doubts came and i felt like a wannabe, copycat :/

this is stopping me from fulfilling myself, what should i do scar? like i wanna look like her, be her hotter, prettier, better looking twin but i dont wanna be known by because of looking like her. so i'm curious about how to solve this :(

after a long break i wish you to see this and you are the one of the best people because no matter how you look you gotta be loving yourself regardless 💗 thank you for taughting me that💓

yours truly <3

im so glad you took my advice bby! im so happy :))

youre not gona like what ill say but why do you want to look like your role model….? you can still admire someone ans their traits but looking like them is NOT something anyone should aim for. im not even going to address the copycat part bc thats not the problem, its just an imaginary circumstance youre creating in your mind.

please be YOUR OWN person and YOUR OWN role model. do not be in someones shadow. its ok to be inspired by someone but wanting to be a “better looking twin” is respectfully actually insane. you’re probably attracted to her energy/vibes and thats why you want to be like her, so take INSPIRATION from it and mix it with your OWN ORIGINALITY and personality and appearance. you can a hotter, smarter, better version of YOURSELF and still embody the energy of your role model without matching her appearance. she is one of a kind and SO ARE YOU.

[blackjackkent]

Followup conversation with Shadowheart, post-All-of-That-Nonsense.

"My parents. I saw them, spoke to them... and let them go. It's... it's more than I can take in just now. Give me a night, to try and get my head together."

OK, so not really a conversation, just a line, but still. Poor Shadowheart. :( Jennifer English does a tremendous job with these moments where Shadowheart's really conflicted or upset; she gets this little catch in her voice that makes me want to pick her (Shadowheart, that is, though maybe Jennifer English too, idk) up and take her somewhere safe where she won't have to make that sound anymore.

Hector feels really terrible about the whole business, and there are a lot of layers as to why.

a) Shadowheart is upset, and Shadowheart is his friend and sorta-kinda-protege(?) and does not deserve all the shit that Shar has put her through. b) Shadowheart has met and lost her parents simultaneously. Hector has never known his and can't decide if that's better or worse, because there was still something oddly compelling about the expression of pride that her father gave her before he died. c) Hector has met Shar in the "flesh", spoken to her directly - the precise manifestation of everything he was trained to fight against. (And meanwhile, his own goddess has never once spoken to him directly.) d) On some level, even though Shadowheart is free of the curse, this feels like Shar has won simply by the amount of pain she has caused Shadowheart. e) According to the dogma Hector was raised with, it should be considered a victory for Selune instead! She has two new martyrs! Shar's curse has been thwarted! But he can take no satisfaction in that because of what it did to his friend in the process.

Let's get the fuck out of here. Quick glance around the room first.

The only thing of major significance in here is the Mirror of Loss at the back of the room, which presumably was the mirror used to steal away Shadowheart's memories repeatedly:

Narrator: A huge, polished disc looms before you. A mirror - one used by the Sharrans to plunder memories from the minds of others.

"This feels familiar to me somehow. I'm sure I've stood before this mirror before... many times, perhaps..."

Interestingly, one of the options here is a Selunite-specific one to pray to the mirror. I'm not sure why anyone, least of all Hector, would think this would do anything positive, but sure, why not:

[SELUNE][RELIGION] Offer a prayer to the mirror.

We get disadvantage on this because Hector is Selunite, apparently, and it's a DC25 check.

LOL. I could try and spend inspiration on this but honestly this makes more sense under the circumstances.

Narrator: Your prayers fade away into the nothingness of the mirror, unacknowledged.

Sad Hector face! D:

OK, I am actually curious what happens if we succeed this, so backing up, casting Enhance Ability on Hector, and savescumming like crazy.

Narrator: You feel a presence, dark and ancient. It approves of your fealty.

OK, that's not the kind of prayer I thought Hector was offering based on the [SELUNITE] tag, lol. RELOAD.

We also have the option here to offer memories to the mirror; @zenjestrr tells me this would give us a +2 to any attribute, even going over the normal cap of 20. But Hector, obviously, is not going to touch that with a ten-foot pole.

I think we're done with this place. Let's GTFO.

[seravphs]

ੈ♡˳·˖✶ — ZHONGLI X FEM READER

The Qixing - namely, Keqing - have decided to pay Zhongli for services rendered to Liyue by giving him the honor of your company. You’re not amused. 

wc — 3.1k

tags — reader is best friends with Ganyu and Keqing, still dealing with the aftermath of Rex Lapis’ death, reader helps Zhongli narrowly avoid getting scammed, Zhongli deals with the consequences of abandoning godhood in more ways than one, Liyue lore 

glossary | chapter 3 of This Is How We Mourn The Living

Seeing the Yuheng at Yuhai Pavilion outside of weekly meetings is rare under normal circumstances, but especially strange in the turmoil Liyue currently faces. More often than not, she spends every waking moment at the Chasm or elsewhere in Liyue.

Well, perhaps that was the reason why - Keqing was not awake, after all. Gently, you rouse the sleeping girl, painfully aware of how young she looked in her dreamless slumber. You even feel generous enough to let it slide when she shoots upwards and knocks you in the chin as she wakes up.

“Oh! Sorry, did I fall asleep? Thank you for waking me,” she says, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. “That would be embarrassing if anyone else found me.”

“No need to be embarrassed,” you smile, “but do me a favor? Let me walk you home.”

Graciously, she accepts, and the two of you fall into a steady stream of conversation. Out of all the Qixing besides Ganyu, Keqing is the one you feel closest to. Ningguang is something of a savior for you, always slightly out of reach, and too extraordinary to call a friend, but Keqing and Ganyu had brought you into their circle almost as soon as you met them.

You and Keqing were the youngest of the Qixing, both with a chip on your shoulder and something to prove. She channeled her desire to forge Liyue’s path forward with critiques of Rex Lapis that sometimes antagonized the elders. You, on the other hand, have always admired Rex Lapis. 

It was one commonality brought the two of you together - painstaking effort in the name of Liyue’s future. In the end, though the Qixing squabble amongst themselves, it is all for the city they serve, so you can forgive her almost anything.

Sometimes, she tends to take advantage of that fact.

Like now. Your friendship is why she, like Ganyu, can tease you about Zhongli so easily, and she never passes up an opportunity. “How is working with Rex Lapis?”

“I know what you’re doing,” you warn, but she pushes on.

“Come on, you can’t blame me for being curious. I wonder how he reacts to your dedication. I can’t imagine him being flustered.”

“First of all, he doesn’t know, and you aren’t going to tell him. Second of all, I am being professional, thank you very much.”

“Are you?” She hums, and then backtracks as she can feel you actually start to become irritated. You turn to face her with an intent to pinch her on the cheek, and she throws her hands up defensively. “I’m just teasing, don’t be angry with me! You’re doing important work, and we’re all grateful for it.”

“I’ve had enough of you and Ganyu,” you huff and change the subject. “Tell me about how Liyue is reconstructing. Is it going well?”

Predictably, she ignores you. “Isn’t that the man of the hour? Hey, Zhongli!”

“I’m not falling for that.”

“Yuheng, jiyao mishu.” Keqing, for once, wasn’t joking - Zhongli is actually here.

“What are you doing?” Keqing asks.

“I wanted to mingle among the people of Liyue a little more,” he says. “I thought that the markets would be a good place to start.”

A thought occurs to you. “Zhongli-xiansheng, did you forget to bring mora again?”

He pauses in his scrutiny of the goods laid out on the cloth in front of you, his fingers twitching as he tries, and fails, to conjure mora out of thin air. Giving up the status of a god comes with it’s pitfalls. “Ah. I forgot.”

Keqing has her scheming face on, which never bodes well for you. “Zhongli, why don’t I offer the company of this lovely lady as compensation for all of your hard work today? The Qixing would never deign to dishonor Rex Lapis by leaving his vessel without funds. Consider this all covered by your stipend for your new position.”

“Keqing, you can’t just trade me off like I’m some object,” you argue.

“So you’re not going to accompany him? That’s shameful, my lady. Shouldn’t our god receive the utmost respect from us?”

“You are so annoying. ”

“I’ll translate for you,” she tells Zhongli. “That’s a yes. Well, I’m off now! I haven’t slept in hours - but you two have fun.” She throws a wink at you as she leaves that you pointedly ignore.

“What were you looking at?” You ask Zhongli, giving in since you know things won’t be going your way.  

“This starconch reminds me of a friend I’m expecting soon.”

“You have a great eye, sir!” The merchant, sensing weakness, hurries over. “Do you see that orange hue? Most starconches are blue, so this is a very rare find. For that, I must mark up the price, but observe how it shifts in the light - is it not worth it? For your discerning eye, I’ll give you a discount. Only 40,000 mora!”

Zhongli makes a passive noise of agreement, just as you feared. “Fascinating. I’ve never seen this before - I must study it further. It seems like a fair price for such a gem-”

Gently, you pull his arm back. “Wait a minute. May I see that, please?”

The merchant pales as he recognizes you, originally too focused on making a sale to notice who accompanied Zhongli. “Jiyao mishu,” he bows. “A-as you can see, it’s truly a remarkable piece.”

“Spare me. Zhongli-xiansheng-“

“Zhongli,” he cuts you off.

“Zhongli, this doesn’t look right. It was probably originally blue, but he probably soaked it in a mixture of Jueyun Chilis, Berries, and Qingxin dye to get this orange color.”

“Jiyao mishu,” the merchant cries. “How could you accuse me of such a thing!”

“Are you saying I’m a liar? Look - right here, you can see a mark where the pigment has left a residue. 40,000 is not a fair price at all.” You frown at him. “What’s your name? The Qixing do not look kindly upon falsehoods.”

“Please, my lady, I meant no disrespect! I never lied - it is a starconch, and it is orange.”

“You want me to overlook your lie by omission,” you say. “Well, in that case - shall we make a deal?”

You walk away from that merchant’s stall with a promise not to attempt to scam any more buyers and the orange starconch - free of charge, for your mercy. Impressed, and in need of your practicality, Zhongli asks you to accompany him as he makes the rest of his purchases. He’s a strange mix of overly wise and completely vulnerable. Though he delights you with his opinion on Silk Flowers and Cor Lapis, more knowledgeable than the merchants themselves, he fails to recognize simple market tricks and the wily words of the vendors.

“This,” he says, “is a rare beauty. It’s been a long time since I saw such a remarkable specimen. The veins of gold must mean it was harvested from the peaks of Mt. Tianheng.” 

He held it up to the light in amazement.

“Fascinating. In ancient Liyue, noble ladies believed that glasses carved out of this material could make the most powerful love potions. In fact, there is a pool in Yujing Terrace named after a concubine who, after failing to seduce the emperor with an aphrodisiac brewed in a Cor Lapis chalice, threw herself in and drowned.”

Not everyone appreciates his commentary. Two young ladies from House Yu nearly trip over themselves in their haste to get away from you, even ignoring Zhongli’s outstretched hand. But to you, these small snippets of the past are fascinating. 

Even with your frankly unmatched memory for Liyue’s history, you had never heard of such a connection between the lakes and the royal consorts. You couldn’t help yourself from indulging him, even as you found yourself at the most expensive florist in all of the city.

“These Glaze Lilies,” he sighed and lifted them to his face, inhaling the delicate fragrance. “I had a friend who cherished these.”

The look on his face was so melancholy you couldn’t help yourself - you bought him the store’s entire inventory. It was, you argued to yourself, a justifiable purchase for a god.

As a thank you, he bought you a delicate sprig of Violetgrass (though you’re not sure how it could be counted as a gift if it was also paid for out of your pocket). “Here,” he said, holding the flower just under your nose. “It is said that the scent of Violetgrass flowers can be quite fortifying, just like the flower itself - clinging to the mountainside even in the harshest conditions. I hope you’re not overworking yourself.”

Without further explanation, he continues his appraisal of the hothouse of flowers, ignorant to the startled, but pleased smile that made its way across your face as he tucked the flower behind your ear.

“Jiejie,” a small blur practically flies across the street and into your arms. It’s one of the children of the merchants. You bring her candy whenever you see her, though she has to promise to keep it a secret from her mother.

“Who is this?” The inquisitive child looks curiously at Zhongli.

“Be polite,” you scold. “This is Zhongli-xiansheng,” but you've already lost her attention.

“Yanfei-jie was looking for you!” She holds her hands out hopefully.

“Thank you,” says the woman in question, popping up behind you with no warning, as she tends to do. “Here, have a Lotus Head for your trouble. You!” She directs the latter part at you.

“Me,” you say, amused.

“Thank you for finding that book for me! I checked every single bookstore and library I could find, and none of them carried it. If you hadn’t had it in your private collection, I think it might just have disappeared forever. What a waste of knowledge.”

“I’m glad to have been able to be of help. If you’re finished with it, you can return it to Ganyu - she’ll know what to do with it.”

“Please, let me treat you to dinner sometime,” she insisted. “Thank Rex Lapis-“ the man next to you flinches, though it’s barely noticeable- “for your contribution to the city. If you ever need some pro-bono legal advice, come to me! I’ll be more than happy to help after all you’ve done.”

As Yanfei walks off, Zhongli looks introspective. “I’ve said this before, but you really are beloved among the city, aren’t you?”

“No more than Ningguang,” you reply breezily, “and almost certainly less than you.”

“Hm.” He leaves it at that.

Another three hours into his exploration of the markets, and an agonizing three hours on your heels, he finally pauses with a furrow on his brow. He’s noticed your limp. “Please excuse me. It’s been so long since I’ve walked the streets of Liyue like this, now I find that I’ve been inconsiderate. You should’ve stopped me if you were in pain.”

“Not at all! I quite enjoyed your history lesson,” you say, and it is not at all just an attempt at appeasing him. “It was my honor to be able to hear you speak. In fact, since it is getting late, let me invite you to dinner to repay you. No, don’t protest, or you’ll wound my pride. You know the Liyue way is to uphold reciprocity above all else.”

“You’re hardly indebted to me for a few words,” he points out, “but I’ll be glad to accompany you, if you’ll have me. In fact, I know of this delightful little restaurant I’m sure will please you. Third-Round Knockout has never disappointed me.”

Third-Round Knockout lives up to it’s name - as soon as you bite into their Jueyun Guboa, it’s like your mouth is on fire. It feels like there’s smoke in your nostrils just from the heat you feel on your tongue. You’re in the fight of your life against the war being waged on your tastebuds, and yet, it’s simply sublime. You can’t get enough of it, even as tears well up in your eyes and you reach for your third glass of water.

At the man who recommended it to you, you accuse, “Zhongli, I think you’re a sadist.”

“Does that make you a masochist? After all, it looks like you’re quite enjoying it.” Still, he smiles and offers you his wine to soothe your tongue. As always, he’s picked well. It’s a light and fragrant flavor, the perfect complement to the biting spice of the Jueyun Chilis.

“Can I ask you something?” He waits for you to nod before he continues. “Do you hate me for giving up Liyue? Sometimes, watching you, I feel like I haven’t quite abdicated as much as forced you to take on my responsibilities. You are a child of this city - tell me honestly, do you hate me for abandoning you?”

How could you ever hate him? You mean to tell him, but he makes another attempt to speak first. A woman at a nearby table makes an annoyed shushing noise at him. You’re forever amazed by how people treat him now, compared to if they knew his true identity, but you know Zhongli prefers it this way, if the light smile playing at his lips is any indication. You try to speak to him again, but he shakes his head. It’s alright, he mouths. It was just a thought.

Silence descends on the small restaurant - the bards have arrived. One is from Mondstadt, but most are from Liyue. On a dimly lit stage, they set up their instruments, and among them is a zither. Your fingers twitch, a fact that does not go unnoticed by Zhongli. “Can you play?”

“A little,” you say, and leave it at that, because the bards are speaking. It’s impolite to talk over them, and besides, you love their stories. As a child, you had preferred the aftertaste of folklore on your tongue to an actual dinner. Ningguang liked to joke that you were raised on starlight and fairy tales.

All of that respect for their carefully honed craft goes out the window as they begin their story - about you , and the monster you had brought down in the service of Liyue, the first act that had garnered you the attention of Ningguang, all the way above in her Jade Chamber.

Back then, Ningguang had just been in the process of building her home, and it was much further below the skyline than it had been when it was used in the battle against Osial. It was a stroke of luck that she was close enough to witness you crush a yao guai that had gotten too close to the city. Stonehide lawachurls were, though infrequent sights, easily dealt with by the Millelith.

This, a huli jing, was a completely different matter. A fox spirit looking for another life to take in order to complete it’s nine tails, it had prowled the city limits in order to find fresh prey, preferably young and pretty. They were vain creatures like that. 

Ningguang, a new recruit of the Qixing at the time, had not realized how close the creature had gotten to the gates, but did not have time to act before you struck. In front of nearly half the city and the Tianquan, you took down the monster in the name of Rex Lapis.

At that, you see Zhongli lean forward, interested in the mention of his name, and you can bear it no longer. Your chair screeches as you shove it back. Zhongli looks confused and concerned as he reaches for you, but you’re too busy trying to do damage control.

“Jiyao mishu,” the bard cries out as he sees you, not expecting the subject of his song to be present. The people around you go down on one knee, all excluding Zhongli, once again earning him the ire of the woman at the neighboring table, who whispers loudly of the disrespect, and how if he was her son, she would cuff him around the ears.  

“Thank you, for such a wonderful tale,” you say, fighting back your embarrassment, “but may I borrow the stage now?”

“Of course,” he stammers out, already making room for you.

“The moon is bright tonight,” you muse. “I’d like to tell the story of Chang-Er, the girl on the moon, and her Jade Rabbit. Does that please everyone?”

“You know your stories are incomparable, my lady,” shouts an encouraging voice from the back, and you laugh.

When you’re finished, the entire restaurant is silent, still basking in the glow of the tale you’ve woven for them. If they blink, the moon still hangs bright and full behind their eyelids, and the sad-faced girl who occupies it smiles at them. They break into stilted, then roaring applause - a standing ovation.

“I can’t believe it,” whispers the woman who had shushed Zhongli. “Who would have thought we would be so lucky? It cost Ms. Bai 200,000 mora to hear one of the jiyao mishu’s legends at a concert hall.

“I heard that she’s always invited to speak at Lady Ningguang’s exclusive dinner parties.”

“What a night!”

All around you, the whispers abound. Zhongli sits as still as a statue as you make your way back to him, accepting thanks and compliments as you go. He looks like a mystical being carved out of moonlight himself, as if the goddess you had spoken of had been so moved by your retelling, she had sent you a gift. He’s always beautiful, but under this full moon, his eyelashes tipped in silver and white, he’s heartbreakingly beautiful.

“An interesting tale,” he muses, “though I hope you still prefer Rex Lapis to the lunar goddess.”

“You know I do, my lord,” you laugh. “I’m not sitting with her at the moment, am I?”

“I wasn’t aware you had such talents. It was a wonderful performance.”

“Well, I am Ningguang’s jiyao mishu. As the enforcer of the law, she needs Liyue’s past available to her at all times.” You incline your head. “That is my role. I am Liyue’s living history, guardian of the memory of the land.”

“Memories,” he says softly. “I see why Ningguang sent you to me.”

“If I may, Zhongli-xiansh-“ and, at his frown, correct yourself, “Zhongli. I’ve been thinking about what you said last time. Rex Lapis may only exist as a memory now, but if you just watch your people, you’ll see. Their eyes are shaded with grief, but all around us, the city of rock endures. When even stone crumbles to nothing, memory outlasts all. Your people will survive, even when you are just the whispers of a great-great-grandmother’s bedtime story.”

Zhongli looks at you as if he is seeing you for the first time.

“I’m glad,” he says softly. Though not drunk off the wine you’ve been served, it’s loosened his tongue somewhat, mellowed him out. He’s always carried himself with a sweet sort of sadness, an ever present ache, but it seems to leave him for moments at a time, like now. “I’m glad that my people have someone like you to watch over them.”

[xshingie]

A very long winded ramble incoming..

Analysis of the Edouard/Annette ship

Explanation and Inspirations regarding the ending

On the Edouard/Annette “ship”

Regarding their dynamic of whether I 'ship' them, I think it's more complex and deeper than that. If you consider that the moment that Annette looked into NightCreature!Edouard's eyes, she instantly KNEW it was Edouard and would not be convinced otherwise -- the sheer implicit depth of their connection that one can have with somebody to instinctively know and be so confident to in recognize them even in another vastly different form. Edouard was so pivotal in shaping who Annette was a person -- Edouard gave her a chance at a new life, he was the first to see a real person, to see her soul (when nobody else did up to that point in her life, basically considered property, as less than a person) -- it was like he believed in her before she grew into the the kickass fighter who she would eventually become, harnessing the full extent of her powers. And now, when the positions are reversed now that Edouard is the "unhuman" one, I think it would be so interesting to explore the opportunity for Annette to show that she sees him beyond just a demonic creature, paralleling and inverting the circumstances of how they initially met and for truly, Edouard’s journey has not ended, but only begun in actualizing his potential as a night creature henceforth.

The depth of Annette's and Edouard's connection and implicit trust they would have with each other is truly unparalleled in my opinion, if you consider how much they've fought side by side together and what they've gone through together. How they always had each other's backs in a dire time that meant the difference between life/death for this important cause of freedom. And how devastating it would have been for Annette to lose someone like Edouard, like losing a person that was so fundamentally a part of you, physically and on a more abstract level, in how integral in shaping who you were identity-wise.

What interests me to exploring their dynamic in fanfic/headcanon land is straddling the borders between familial, platonic, and romantic; perhaps even blurring the lines between them because truly, some connections transcend deeper and are more meaningful than whether or not it's a romantic ship; if you stop to think about the impact that Edouard had in shaping who Annette was as a person today. Because if you think about it, prior to running into Edouard, she hasn’t really had the framework (or wasn't afforded the luxury to contemplate romance and love on a deeper, perhaps even philosophical level) to understand her feelings because her life has only been solely focused on survival. When she sees Edouard for the first time, drawn to his radiance and beauty that he emanates when he expresses himself on stage, and later the opportunity he gives her for a new life -- the depth of feeling Annette would have in regards to Edouard, having no other comparison or framework, I don't think it's unreasonable for her develop a certain feeling in how drawn she was to his radiance. One might label them as romantic feelings, perhaps, because there is no other better word to describe it. Their bond was deeper than family, and dare I say, deeper than romantic.

On Edouard’s side, although I know there’s that little scene where it’s implied that he is attracted to another man and that Annette knows about it, it’s a little bit more difficult to extrapolate how he might have regarded her without completely veering off into headcanon land. I am very curious though, just by extrapolating from the depth of his actions, why might he have decided to leave his previous life to choose to fight by Annette’s side (even leaving the country to join her in France) considering how much performing on stage probably meant to him. Was he drawn to her at some level as well, inspired by her even? It’s up for anyone’s interpretation.

Regarding the Ending

Okay, so I know that if you read the ending of the oneshot you’ll be like what the actual eff is being described. This is the product of sampling a couple phrases/lines from Pablo Neruda’s poem, “Poetry” and Carl Jung’s descriptions of Introverted Intuition, Introverted Feeling, the collective unconscious. I liked how Neruda described the abstracts that compelled him to create poetry, so I sampled the ending line “broke loose with the wind.”

I found it compellingly beautiful that before Edouard remembered his past life, the instinct to express himself through art transcended his physical form, and what was that I wanted to capture by linking to the concept of the collective unconscious. Something that always resonated with me regarding Introverted Feeling is because that things are so deeply felt, it’s seeking for something in the external realm that matches its inner intensity, but when it cannot find it, that’s when it lends itself to creating the object or a form of expression that can reflects the inner self. I think it’s an instinct that connects the human experience at a universal level, the form of expression in art. Below are some excerpts, where hopefully it’s more clear of my influences: 

"Intuition, in the introverted attitude, is directed upon the inner object, a term we might justly apply to the elements of the unconscious... Inner objects appear to the intuitive perception as subjective images of things, which, though not met with in external experience, really determine the contents of the unconscious, i.e. the collective unconscious ...  Introverted intuition apprehends the images which arise from the a priori, i.e. the inherited foundations of the unconscious mind. These archetypes, whose innermost nature is inaccessible to experience, represent the precipitate of psychic functioning of the whole ancestral line, i.e. the heaped-up, or pooled, experiences of organic existence in general, a million times repeated, and condensed into types. Hence, in these archetypes all experiences are represented which since primeval time have happened on this planet."

"Introverted feeling is determined principally by the subjective factor …. Its aim is not to adjust itself to the object, but to subordinate it in an unconscious effort to realize the underlying images. … It is continually seeking an image which has no existence in reality, but which it has seen in a kind of vision. ... It strives after inner intensity, for which the objects serve at most as stimulus. ...The primordial images are, of course, just as much ideas as feelings. Fundamental ideas, ideas like God, freedom, and immortality, are just as much feeling-values as they are significant ideas. However, the very fact that thoughts can generally be expressed more intelligibly than feelings demands a more than ordinary descriptive or artistic ability before the real wealth of this feeling can be even approximately presented or communicated to the world....In order to communicate with others, introverted feeling has to find an external form not only acceptable to itself, but capable of also arousing parallel feeling in them."

Freedom and Love

If you squint, there’s similarities in the lines for my Richter/Annette fic, oneshot. The Moment Between Us. I was attempting to build upon the themes in Castlevania Nocturne -- that love is the strongest source of your strength/power. Whether romantic love for another person, or the love/connection of Annette’s ancestral past that she has yet to tap into. This is totally headcanon land at this point, but I set it up such that Edouard tells her, “You fought for freedom Annette. The freedom to choose love.” -- I really wanted to cement the lasting impact that Edouard has/had on Annette’s character growth, tinged with regret because she didn’t fully comprehend it at the time. This is something I would be interested in exploring in fanfiction land, as I think Annette as eventually realizes her growing feelings towards Richter, the deeper meaning of choosing to fight for love becomes clearer to her.

Conclusion.

I’m in so much pain LOL. I love the complexity and depth of Annette’s character, I ship Ricther/Annette a lot, but also I love Annette/Edouard’s connection too, and the fact that there’s not a lot of fanfics for my favorite dynamics pains me so much. I am trying to produce writing, but I’m so frustratingly slow at writing and I just feel so alone ;w; Am I the only one who loves the depth and complexity of Annette’s character, with all of her flaws and shortcomings?

Wow that was embarrassingly long for a ship, lol. If you’ve read all of this, hi and thank you.

[zryexal]

[Ramble warning ⚠️]

Ever since I read this coai/shinshi fic on lofter that had the premise of shinichi following shiho's surname after marriage I started thinking of what kind of ending would I like.

I like the premise of no antidote so they have to live on as edogawa Conan and haibara Ai together w the detective boys from elementary all the way, almost like a happy dream come true or a second chance in life (one would have been fatally shot without aptx4869, one took it w the intention of suicide)

But after reading that particular fic, I kinda don't want her to drop her identity as miyano shiho, cuz her name is like a gift from her parents, and is how her beloved sister calls her. It'd be nice if she could overcome, accept her dark past and live in the light as miyano shiho instead

So I think whether it's haibara Ai or miyano shiho, whether it's coai, shinshi or shinai (I personally like the idea of ai chan using herself as a test subject for the antidote so much she developed a resistance) (I find the chances of coshi happening very low logically but I am open to it if someone can develope it well) (I also prefer them to be in the same state BC their fates r tied together but a godfic 竟渡河 convinced me shinai is as good as coai and shinshi even if haibara decided not to take the antidote rather than BC she couldn't),

The coai I love is the interaction between Holmes and Watson + Irene 2 in 1, be it daily life or during cases, their shared fate, to still have each other in such unfortunate circumstances.

Haibara left one reason or another? No worries, he'll find her again one way or another. They grew up together as tablemate? Perfect. They ate the antidote and work together in adulthood? Also perfect. Only shinichi turned back? He'll wait for her, "time can rewind, as long as you hold onto my hand". No matter the setting, no matter how things develope from here on, their chemistry is unmatched. They'll be okay together.

By the way for those curious, the first fic I mentioned goes along something like shinichi from 10 years in the future meets with an accident that caused a coma, and during this coma he gets sent back in time to present day. Conan is mysteriously missing for the time being. Shinichi takes haibara out for a day, accidentally leaving his police id at agasa's. He takes her shopping, asking for her opinion on wedding dresses (he didn't get to have a proper ceremony with shiho) but she's deflective because she's thinking of ran. He spoils her rotten by buying her fusae bags, perfume, etc willingly although she's mindful. When he comes back w her ran and sonoko who are at agasa's saw the id and are like ??? Why is your surname miyano now and he explained that miyano as a family name holds huge importance to his wife so he decided to go with her surname instead of making her part with a significant portion of her identity. When the actual him wakes up from his coma in the future, he starts to disappear in the present day and haibara acknowledges him for the first time as a miyano after recovering from her shock. When shinichi wakes up shiho is sleeping by his bedside. He notices her crying and tries to wipe her tears, but his gesture wakes her up. He asks her why, and she replies it's bc she dreamt of a younger her being chosen. He smiles because he knows that it's because he chose her right there and then in the past.

The second fic I mentioned? I need to sleep first LMAO

[lesless]

Some thoughts on marriage

Growing up I never really understood the idea of marriage. My mom had me at 16 or somewhere near that, & was only married briefly as a result of being pregnant with me & having a less than ideal home life, which she wanted to get out of. My dad has been married or engaged 5 or more times, though now he’s old enough not to lure in underaged girls or young women & is now happily married to a woman who I really like. My great grandparents, who I grew up with, were married over 50 years, & though they bickered I understood that they had committed to each other & my great grandpa took care of my great grandmother through her senility, hiding it until it was noticeable to all.

So, I have mixed views on the topic. On one hand, it seems insane to me to enter into a legal contract for a relationship especially considering I’m not religious in the traditional sense. On the other, I find it incredibly romantic & a statement of devotion.

I my early 20’s the only person I remember breaking up with me (who really just beat me to it, bc I was unhappy & didn’t want to be with him really) told me that the reason he didn’t want to be with me is that he “couldn’t imagine marrying” me, which to me felt stupid & I was fine with at the time (& still am, he was a mess). When I met someone I was infatuated with, he talked about how he was “going to marry that girl” in reference to the last girl he dated, during the first 6 months we were together, which really bothered me. They were together for a year or less as far as I can gather. He later admitted it was because her family had a lot of connections in the film industry, which made me feel a little disgusted by his intentions of marriage if I’m being honest.

Personally, I’ve driven hard lines in the ground with people I’ve dated. Either I’m with you or not, & with you means I’m in 100%. I’m not going to leave unless there’s some seriously extenuating circumstances, such as, my last partner had a serious alcohol problem & got really scary & mean before I decided it was safer for me to leave than stay with them.

Nowadays, I’m with someone I adore & I feel adores me back. We have been together 5 years in a few weeks, which will mark the longest relationship I’ve ever been in. Simultaneously, our family is mentioning marriage (& have been for years).

& im at this crossroads. I think both of us have some doubt about the whole concept of marriage, our families respectively having a long history of divorce & the mess that entails. But also, is that something I actually want? I’m not sure.

By now I did imagine myself with kids of my own, though I love my freedom & ability to do what I want. Marriage feels like the end of that freedom to a certain extent, but also feels like the agreement on a future, & security. We haven’t talked about it, truly. Sometimes I think my partner is working towards a more secure future for us before that, & every time he talks about the future he says US, which is also reassuring.

If he asked I would say yes, but as time rolls on & my experiences & friends get hitched after only a year or two, I do wonder if I’m just not the kind of person someone would want to marry, as that long buried ex said. Or, are people just stupid & rushing into things? Are people just agreeing to things based on their circumstances & ideology? The people I know who have gotten married, largely, also became very institutionally religious. Which, good for them, but that’s not where I am.

I suppose I’m curious what readers think of marriage. What are the criteria? What is the deciding factor? Do you just know?

I’ve also known people happily not married with children in 10+ year relationships. I suppose theres no universal right answer to any of this. Just something I’m pondering after some deeply itchy nightmares.

[arcplaysgames]

Morgana finds these chucklefucks in the real world and

Oh. Oh honey. /looks at Ryuji with deep concern

Reverie The Fifth is already so much better than Reverie The Fourth.

Morgana has a solution to the Kamoshida Problem: If we go into his Palace and steal his Treasure (a metaphysical manifestation of his desires), all his distorted desires will simply vanish. They will be gone.

HOW-FUCKING-EVER.

Yeah I am not super hype to be killing people.

And to my surprise, the game is like "okay let's contend with this a bit" and explores the concept. Like, Morgana straight up doesn't know what will happen if we steal the Treasure, this is conjecture on their part too.

There is also an Interesting moment of gossip that mentions that the people who are having mental breakdowns and causing horrible accidents around the city are going brain dead after. Which makes me curious if stealing a Treasure and these incidents are linked. Who else would have Metaverse access?

On the way home from school, Reverie overhears Ann on the phone with Kamoshida, and he is pretty openly blackmailing her to sleep with him or he'll pull her best friend's position on the volleyball team.

Which, again: only volleyballers even get the school's support into the good universities, so if all of this abuse and shit was even "worth" anything, getting yanked from the team nulls out everything you have endured Kamoshida's suffering for.

Ann explains to Reverie that she hasn't actually slept with Kamoshida yet, but its a big Yet because he's definitely pushing for it. All of this is for Shiho, her best friend, and Kamoshida wants Ann to come see him tonight or there will be repercussions.

Fucking OOF.

And as if the game is looking specifically at me and is like "Oh so Arc you don't want to risk a human life and think killing an abuser removes the possibility of rehabilitation, you little bitch? You fucking pansy?"

Shiho decides she is done with this shit and throws herself off the roof.

She survives, but badly injured and in a coma.

So yeah we're gonna have to risk turning the dude into a vegetable, because we ain't doing this shit, naw.

Ryuji my man, I feel like Ann has the most motivation to put a fucking stiletto through Kamoshida's heart and deserves to be in on this-- okay so we toss Ann back into the Real World so she can't help

BUUUUT Notigor pushes the apk download onto her phone so she walks up again and immediately gets captured by the guards.

EXCELLENT JOB RYUJI, JUST STELLAR. I BLAME YOU FOR THIS.

Also wow she's the princess huh, that fucking sucks a Lot. Kamoshida subconsciously prioritizes her like that? It's interesting she's not the Queen, but the Princess, and thus is a lower rank than Kamoshida. Reflective of his internal justification of blackmailing her?

"Two boys and a mascot head into a dungeon alone only to have to save the first female party member" fucking check. (Though in P3P Girl Route, it was two girls saving one stupid boy, which I liked. I miss Junpei and Yukari every day.)

Also... /squints at Ann. The clover on her back and the way she tries to position herself into less-horrible circumstances only to get a punch in the face from circumstances. I think it would be interesting if she was Fortune, but I suspect she'll be something more 'standard' like Lovers or Empress. She better not being the Priestess, I'm telling you now. I'm gonna revoke Magician/Priestess from Atlus.

[bookofmirth]

hi, it’s the hofas/gun control anon here! thank you for such a well thought out answer :) and i’m sorry my response is so long!

first, i do agree with how nesta and az’s different opinions do match up with their experiences, so that does put their conversation into more context. i definitely agree with what you said about how the conversation kind of just blinked and moved on immediately - but i feel like this is a problem in a lot of sjm’s books, where she’ll bring up a complicated political issue that has interesting implications in her fantasy world, but then just move on immediately without actually wanting to delve into the hard, uncomfortable parts of it.

while i agree that it probably wasn’t meant to show sjm’s gun views herself, and i firmly subscribe to the belief that depiction doesn’t equal endorsement and authors should be able to examine the nuance of lots of different social issues and perspectives without readers conflating it with the author’s own opinions, i do think this scene does exemplify a major fault in her writing in that all of the complicated topics surrounding oppression and sexism and all the isms in her stories are tackled in a moderate, “safe” way. so i completely agree with everything you said about respectability politics! as a side note, i’m currently reading babel: or the necessity of violence by rf kuang which has this quote that i really liked: “This is how colonialism works. It convinces us that the fallout from resistance is entirely our fault, that the immoral choice is resistance itself rather than the circumstances that demanded it.”

so like, while yes, i don’t think it would be fair to try to determine sjm’s exact views on gun control laws from her fictional characters’ discussion of it, i do feel that it’s representative of the very white feminist-esque views that she perpetuates through her writing, rather than delving more into the dynamics of structural inequality and taking an intersectional perspective. i do think how an author chooses to write about social issues can be indicative of their own personal views, rather than what words are actually on the page. and what gets me is that the potential is there!! like she creates such complex, rich worlds with such unique characters, but i feel like sometimes she just glosses over the harder stuff. i am very curious how she will decide to resolve the illyrian plot - i am truly hoping she doesn’t take a white savior approach with feyre or nesta, or just having devlon killed off, as it wouldn’t actually fix the sexism ingrained in their cultural norms. 

i wonder if sjm writing in this way (like respectability politics) has taken a turn for the worse since throne of glass? i def agree with everything you said about bryce and cc, but i feel like it was the opposite with aelin. like aelin was never opposed to using violence in order to fight back against oppression, esp coming from her own background as a slave. i haven’t read tog in a while so maybe nostalgia is blinding me and it had the same issues, but idk. 

i’d love to know your thoughts! I

Hello! Here is the original post for anyone confused.

i do think this scene does exemplify a major fault in her writing in that all of the complicated topics surrounding oppression and sexism and all the isms in her stories are tackled in a moderate, “safe” way.

I totally agree with this. I think that she does sometimes lean into more complicated topics, but that would mess with the HEAs she wants to write, at the end of the day. And she seems to be working through some difficult topics in her writing, but then... idk, gets bored with it? Which really highlights her privilege, to me, because she can think about these things, but never too deeply, not if she doesn't feel like it. I don't wanna get too much into her personal life or politics but CC as a whole has really made me wonder about her!!! I have some big questions, but it's not my place and I don't think it's very respectful, so I'll just leave that there. Like if she came out publicly posting a "Blue Lives Matter" graphic then I'd get into it, but she's private and I respect that.

That quote from Babel is *chef's kiss*, perfect. That's exactly what I was alluding to and a big problem that I had with hoeab. That I was waiting to get addressed in hosab. And then was waiting to see if it ever got resolved in hofas. Surprise! No. Nope. We're just going to go with this cognitive dissonance around people's actions and beliefs and just... hail Bryce as a hero, I guess. Even though she truly doesn't give a fuck unless she gets pulled kicking and screaming into giving a fuck. (I'm sorry my anti Bryce just spilled out, my cup is too full of it.)

I was talking to @gimme-mor about the series the other day and she had some great thoughts about why Bryce may have been so dismissive of other people's struggles (ones that she, I thought, should have empathized with) but I'll see if she wants to add on or make a post about it. :) I'll just say that her original idea that would have explained Bryce's attitude, in her opinion, did not pan out.

Sometimes, I think we are in love with the potential of sjm books, more than the actual payoff. They hit the right beats just enough and with just enough oomph that there is something there. Or maybe that's not totally fair because I do give some of her books 5 stars still, after multiple rereads. But she doesn't always follow through to the same extent that she did in HoF or acomaf! But I do wonder if we think about all of these issues far, far more than she is.

i wonder if sjm writing in this way (like respectability politics) has taken a turn for the worse since throne of glass?

I was actually saying something similar to this to someone the other day. Because yes, these are different stories, and different characters, but you have to wonder, with a different political climate than existed in 2012 or whatever, or whenever she was a teenager in the early 2000s, how much that influenced her views and the way that she wanted to write these kinds of stories. Again, it could be that she is just writing a different kind of story! That she wanted to explore different kinds of characters. But Bryce being a discount, knock-off version of Aelin doesn't make that seem likely. IDK!