#i am a tiny helpless baby please tell me the most basic things and feed me snacks

[freezingsheep]

Ooh I just found out what the notes are. I thought they were comments but they’re hearts I think? A few more days gently exploring tumblr and I might get my white belt!

Edit: Not just hearts, but everything! Thank you kind tumblrites x

[seongsangi]

nonstop (2)

author’s note: READ PART 1 IF YOU HAVENT ALREADY. 

pairing: seonghwa x reader

summary: after a night with jaehyun, you wake up to find a mysterious stranger lurking in your room. you have no idea who he is, but he knows you all too well.

word count: 2.8k

warnings: incubus seonghwa, overstimulation, spitting, creampie — this shits kinda nasty imo BUT LET ME KNOW HOW YALL FEEL

***********************************************

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing, Seonghwa?"

*********************************************** 

"Why are you with Y/N?" Seonghwa raises his voice.

Jaehyun gets defensive. "Wait, how do you know Y/N?"

Seonghwa scoffs, moving towards the bed to pick you up bridal style, eyeing the mess you and Jaehyun made. "Don't worry about how I know her. You said you would be right back, but I guess you couldn't keep your dick in your pants."

"Duh, that's just who we are. Where the hell are you going?" Jaehyun tries to make a move to stop him from leaving, but Seonghwa blinks out of sight with you in his arms.

The next time you open your eyes, the clock reads 4 am. You don't remember how you got back to your place, but everything from last night seems like a blur. You're not even in the same clothes, in fact you're in pajamas. Now you’re not sure if it actually happened or if you've just been in bed all night. Granted, you do still feel drained, no energy to move, and definitely sore in the lower region. You recall just how hard Jaehyun was making you see stars. It couldn't have been just a dream.

"Maybe it did happen," you whisper to yourself.

"Maybe what happened?" You hear a voice you don't recognize from the corner of your room. What the fuck who the fuck is that?! You scream, trying to climb out of bed and head for the door. He's so much faster than you. He blinks in front of the door just before you reach it, eyes glowing a deep red. Holy fuck this is not happening. You're shaking, scared of what will happen now. So many questions are racing through your head but you're too afraid to say anything. You back away slowly, trying to put some distance between yourselves.

"I'm not gonna hurt you," his voice is calm, but his eyes tell a different story. They're intimidating, he's intimidating, but at the same time, your nerves are less on edge and you start to feel more relaxed just from that. "Trust me, I would never hurt you, Y/N."

"H-how do you know my name? How did you get in here? Who the fuck are you?" You whisper, the back of your knees hitting the edge of the bed. He's got you trapped in your own room with no way out. His eyes soften, the red glow fading. He makes his way towards you, and you can't help but take in his figure. Oh god, he's so fine. You thought Jaehyun was the most gorgeous man you've ever seen, but this stranger might just give him a run for his money. His face is beautifully chiseled, all black outfit hugging him perfectly. Bitch are you stupid why are you fawning over him when he could quite literally kill you right now?

"Now why would I kill you, sweet girl?" He's standing right in front of you, but you can't bring yourself to make a move. He runs his hand through your hair, his soft touch making you feel lightheaded. His other hand wraps around your waist, pulling you in close. You’re not shaking any more, but it feels like you’re in a trance. You feel like putty under his hands, even though you still have no idea who he is or what he wants. Fuck this should not be happening but you can't get away even if you tried. He has the same aura as Jaehyun, making you feel helpless when you're around them, making you crave more of their touch.

"Why are you thinking about him when I'm right here?" There's a hint of jealousy in his voice, and he holds you even tighter against his body. The hand that was stroking your hair now has a grip on it, craning your head back to get a good look at his face. His eyes are glowing again, but you don't feel fear. You feel something you shouldn't be feeling in this situation, but you can't do anything about the wetness pooling in your panties. He senses that, a small smirk on his face when he realizes he's got you right where he wants you.

"How do you know what I'm thinking?" Your breath gets caught in your throat when he leans down, lips grazing your neck in just the right spot. There's no fight in you left, just a strong desire to have him touch you more.

"There's so much about me you don't know," his hand inching its way up to your breasts. "But I bet you want to find out, don't you?" Every single touch leaves a burning sensation in its wake. You let your head loll to the side, giving in to the way his lips feel on your neck and the way his hand underneath your shirt is making your core warm. You don't know what's gotten into you, but you don't think you have it in you to tell him to stop.

"Show me," you sound pathetic, basically whining for him. You can feel the smirk he's got on his face, ego skyrocketing at your pleas.

“How do you want it?” his hands are a bit more eager now, playing with your breasts and pinching your nipple with just the right amount of pressure.

“Any way you like,” sighing as he leaves a dark hickey on your neck, trailing his lips down to your chest to do the same. He’s marking you like you’re his, but you might as well be in this moment. He pushes you down so you’re sitting on the edge, legs dangling. He’s still standing, towering over you, making you feel tiny in his presence. He reaches to unbutton his shirt and you almost forget to breathe, taking in his half naked figure right before your eyes. His abs are so well-defined, tempted to reach out and touch them. He looks so attractive, the moonlight shining on him from your window, making him seem like a god. But you know those eyes mean something else, but you can’t bring yourself to worry about that. The only thing you can think of is letting him have his way with you.

“Let me take care of you sweetheart,” he says as he kneels, hands on your thighs. His velvety voice makes you spread your legs for him, watching as he settles in between. He starts off soft, kissing your inner thigh, so close yet so far from where you want him. He’s lost in your arousal, loving how much you crave him. When he tugs on your shorts, you lift your hips so he can pull them down. You’re drenched and he takes pride in that, sliding two fingers across your core. You can hear how wet you are, such a lewd sound that it makes you blush.

“All for me, huh?” he sounds so smug, slipping his fingers in and setting the pace. You clench around him, trying to change angles since you’re still sore. He senses a bit of discomfort from you, quickly attributing it to Jaehyun from earlier.

“Tell me what he did to you,” his voice is calm but stern, hand still pumping in and out of you. You’re confused, how does he know about Jaehyun? Why is he asking about him when he’s the one in between your legs? You wrinkle your forehead, not sure what to say.

“Did he eat you out?” You don’t want to tell him about your time with Jaehyun, you just want to focus on him right now.

“He didn’t. He’s missing out,” he brings his fingers to his mouth, tasting your arousal. “You taste so sweet baby.” Fuck that’s so hot, you bite your lip at the sight. Before you can even blink, his lips are attached to your core, licking long stripes up your slit. His skilled tongue draws out long moans from you. His hands are keeping your legs apart, your knuckles turning white from how hard you’re gripping the sheets. When he sucks on your clit, you just about lose it, throwing your head back and closing your eyes, focusing on the feeling of his tongue flicking against your sensitive nub. A random thought comes to you: you don’t even know his name.

“Seonghwa, you’ll need it for later,” he says with a wink. He lets go of your thighs, opting to use his hands to spread your lips apart, committing the sight of you to memory. Core glistening with your own wetness and his saliva, cheeks flushed, chest heaving, eyes heavy. You don’t know how sexy you look to him right now. As he plays with your clit, he slips two fingers in again, doubling the pleasure. You fall back onto the bed, unable to hold yourself up from how good he’s making you feel. He loves the power he has over you, over your body. He's learning what makes you moan a little louder, what makes you clench around his fingers, what makes your legs shake. You feel like you're about to explode, the pit in your stomach growing more and more.

"Don't stop please Seonghwa," he could listen to you begging for him all night. Of course he won't stop, he wants to give you everything you ask for and then some. He swirls your clit around his tongue, moving his fingers as fast as he can to drive you crazy. He wants to see your body writhe in pleasure, the pleasure he's giving you. His ministrations quickly send you over the edge, a moaning mess underneath him, trying to push yourself away from him when your orgasm washes over. He doesn't let you get away, licking your core and pumping his fingers nonstop, the sound of you saying his name fueling him.

He feels a rush of power coursing through him, feeding on your fucked out state. He almost chuckles to himself, if you're feeling this way already, you have no idea what's in store for you soon. He takes mercy on you, trying your best to get him to stop so you can gather yourself after the intense orgasm he just gave you. He stands up, wiping your wetness off his chin. You feel so tired, you could literally fall asleep right now.

"That's not even the best part yet," he says to you. Your eyes are closed, but you can hear him taking his pants off. Fuck you don't know if you can take it.

"Mmm, you have no choice baby," you still don't know how he's able to read your mind. You open your eyes slightly to see Seonghwa fully naked, member in hand. He reaches for your tank top, pulling it off swiftly to see you in all your glory. The marks he left on you look so pretty on your skin, making him feel cocky knowing he left them there. He lightly taps the tip of his dick against your core, teasing you with it.

"Are you gonna fuck me better than Jaehyun?" Oh god why the fuck did you just say that. His eyes narrow, the deep red coming back, obviously affected by your sudden outburst. Fuck you're in for it now.

"Yes you are, I can't believe you just said that." Instead of his member, he uses his hand to slap your pussy over and over, punishing you for being such a brat. He's being rough with you, but you both know you deserve it. You can't even think about Jaehyun any more when all your thoughts are now clouded with Seonghwa.

"I'm sorry," you cry out, "I didn't mean it." You can't help the tears that leave your eyes. It feels so good, but it's so overwhelming.

"I think you did mean it. You want me to fuck you so badly, you got it." He slides in without warning and with much ease. He grabs your hands, pinning them above your head. His hips are snapping against yours so quickly, so roughly, you can't think straight. Your whimpers only egg him on even more. You can't close your legs, can't move your hands, can't do anything but let him absolutely ruin you. He leans down, watching your face contort in pleasure. His brows are furrowed, letting you know he's feeling the same pleasure as you. You feel like you're being too loud, worried your neighbors in the apartment building may hear. He slaps one hand over your mouth, sensing your concern.

One hand keeping your wrists in place, the other hand keeping you quiet, dark eyes staring into yours, hips making your head dizzy, fuck what more could you ask for? He's so in tune with your body, your emotions are going wild. The more his hips rock against yours, the weaker you feel. How does he have so much control over you? His eyes continue to glow but you wouldn't put it past him to punish you again if you dare to look away.

His hips don't stop, but he does slow down his movements. He pulls out to the tip and inches his way back in repeatedly, which feels just as heavenly as him ravaging your body with quick thrusts. The slow thrusts this time still manage to make you crazy. He lets your wrists go, but you still can't move them. Your hands are stuck above your head, no matter how much you try to reach out and touch him. His hand moves from your mouth to your clit, rubbing slow circles. You bite your lip to stifle your moans, still maintaining eye contact with him as he uses your body. His free hand roams over your breasts, squeezing your nipples harder than before.

"Tell me you like it," he huffs, leaning down to capture one of your buds in his mouth.

"Oh my god I love it, you feel so so good," you moan, telling the truth because you feel like he would know otherwise. He hums at your affirmation, pleased with your response.

"Yeah I love that big dick in my tight little pussy," you keep going, not holding back your need for him. He takes a deep breath, feeding more and more on the pleasure you feel and the vulgar words you're saying.

"You're a slut," he moves from your breasts to your face, lips barely touching. "Open your mouth," you do as he says, sticking your tongue out a bit. He lets a trail of spit fall onto your tongue. You swallow quickly, giving him a sly smile. You've never done that before, but it feels so right with him, turning you on even more.

"I can't get enough of you," he's definitely consuming loads of energy from you, you must be feeling so weak and delirious right now. Before he takes too much, he wants to make you finish again. He sits up straight, hand stroking your hair, his soft touch now such a contrast from how brutal he was being earlier. His hips are still moving slowly but deeply inside you, trying to savor the way your walls feel around him.

"Harder," your voice is faint, but he heard you loud and clear. He pushes your legs towards your chest, the new angle letting him reach even deeper inside you. He loves the sight of you spread wide open for him, taking him so well.

"Play with yourself," he commands, and you're now able to move your hands from above your head. You quickly reach for your clit, rubbing fast circles to chase your high as Seonghwa fucks you hard. Your toes curl, clenching your walls at the same time. Neither of you can take your eyes off each other, making the moment even more intimate. You're watching him as he gets lost in your pussy, he's watching you as you bring yourself closer and closer to the edge.

"Will you cum in me, please?" you half whisper, half moan. You're incredible, he thinks to himself. How can he pass that up if you sound so sweet begging for him?

With a few more thrusts, you both reach your orgasms at the same time. Seonghwa groans loudly, spilling himself into you as you cry out. You feel so full, so dirty, and so tired. You can't keep your eyes open, head rolling to the side by the end of your high. Seonghwa, on the other hand, feels invigorated. Arguably the best sex he's ever had, he feels an immense power running through him. He's addicted to you, to the way you say his name, to the way you make him feel on top of the world. He doesn't want to let you go just yet, cradling your body as you drift to sleep again. He cleans you up with a snap of his fingers, tucking you under the covers. He leaves a lingering kiss on your forehead, distorting your memories so this would all feel like a dream when you wake up.

[7dys]

roomies?

hey again im a dummy sorry

I literally could NOT think of a title im sorry here's a good ole roommate au though

request: HHhHhHhh u write so well I'm crying :(( jshsd can I get a roommate!au with jae from day6 ? with a possible fluff at the end ? eye emoji ? sjdshd tysm !! -anon

word count: 5137 she's a doozy

a/n: I must have gotten this request like... a year and a half ago at least anon if you’re seeing this I apologize but I've finally done it!!! hope u all enjoy the workings of my crackhead brain

right-o lets get to it

okay so when you moved out of your dorms after graduation you weren’t expecting it to be this God Damn Expensive

on top of buying groceries and affording your tiny ass one bedroom a girlie was struggling

so !! you decided to look into finding a roommate

obviously not to move in with you…. there’s only one bedroom okay

but like searching for an open spot with someone

you found a few that seemed nice but were all wayyyyyyy too far from your job like you would be losing money paying so much in transportation

finally you stumbled across the most cursed roommate flyer ever

but it was in a super convenient location !! so you read it anyways

it was written in GREEN and PURPLE comic sans and there were multiple pictures of chickens and cheesy memes randomly placed around the text in the middle

which by the way was a list of 7 bullet points that said this:

1:my name is jae

2:i am broke

3:i have an extra room waiting for /YOU/

4:i am in a band and will write a song about you if that’s what it takes

5:i am unreasonably good at untangling headphones and i will untangle things for you

6:i have a pet cat and if you don’t like that walk away from this flyer immediately

7:please

and then at the bottom was an octopus who’s 8 legs had his contact information on it and they were cut so you could just pull off a slip

if you were an ordinary person you would not have taken one

lucky us !!!! you’re just crazy

and you take one of the god damn octopus legs

you are understandably the only person who has taken one so far

you giggle to yourself at your own SHEER STUPIDITY and then send a text to the number

you: hi !! i saw ur ad abt looking for a roommate and i’m interested! my name is y/n and i’m still in college so u don’t have to worry about me being like . crazy im just stressed

chicken guy??: oh my god really it’s been a month since i put up that poster!! also mood

you: you put up …. only one poster …… and it was that ……

chicken guy??: it worked for u didn’t it

you: . touché

chicken guy??: anyways you can come by later today and check it out if you’d like? i swear i’m not crazy either but feel free to bring a friend if you’re worried for safety reasons or whatever

you: nah i prefer to live life on The Edge plus none of my friends would be helpful in a life threatening situation

chicken guy??: i don’t know u but i’m already worried for u pls get here soon

hehehe u liked this guy

he was funny if anything

and you tended to find all the weirdos of society and befriend them so it was safe to assume he was no different than your usual crowd

true to your word you go to the address he sent you alone later that afternoon and cheerily knock on the door

while you wait for him to answer you survey the outside

it’s honestly ….. kind of a cluttered mess but in a cute way

like some sort of kleptomaniac crow somehow got an apartment and displayed all of the strange things it found

except it’s all music related

there is a jar that is filled to the BRIM with guitar picks.

who needs that many guitar picks

“me, i do”

you squeak and turn around and go

“??????”

and the tall thin man in the door just nods

“i knew what you were thinking”

“...that’s fair”

and then he seems to remember what exactly is going on and extends one long fingered hand for a shake

“hi! you must be y/n :)) i’m jae”

you take his hand …. that shits warm

how long have you been outside that your hand is so cold when you touch him you SHIVER

he’s like oh my god come in please you’re shivering jesus christ

and you just smile and tell him it’s nice to meet him !!! what a positive polly

you come in and are pleasantly surprised that the inside has just as much personality as the poster !!

and thankfully less green and purple and ….. comic sans

you are immediately greeted by the largest tabby cat you’ve ever seen

“ah that’s my big boy mister crackers”

“his name … is mister crackers”

“....yes”

“love it. tell me more”

he smiles so BIG and WIDE when you say that you think you’re looking at the sun

as he explains more things about the apartment and points at things here and there you half listen and half just. watch him

you didn’t know what to expect from that as but it’s fair to say you lucked out as far as possible roommates go

he was tall and had shiny dark hair and glasses that made his cute little eyes even littler

and he was in a BAND that is so cool

plus he’s like …. pretty or smth

smh FOCUS

you’re gnna have to share a bathroom with him which is … scary but you looked in there and it looks clean at least

also there’s some candles in there

……. he definitely takes candlelit baths like a widow just returning from her rich husbands funeral after he left her everything in the will

king

he seems nice and funny and you appear to have a similar sense of humor …. you’re in

you’re about to tell him you’ll think about it so that you don’t come off as too excited

but then change your mind and jump up and down and tell him you’re IN and you’ll help cover the rent and cook sometimes and bake him cookies and

he stops you after cookies with a hand over your mouth

“you are perfect. please move in immediately”

you smile under his hand and hope he can’t feel your cheeks getting absolutely BLAZING hot

(he 100% can)

((and he thinks it’s really CUTE))

you grab the hand that’s over your mouth and give it a shake and tell him in a southern accent that it’s a deal pardner and he SNORTS

it was cute

you move in as quickly as possible and his band mates come over to help you move everything !!

you’re high key embarrassed to let all these literally gorgeous men into your tiny little apartment and touch all your stuff

but after talking to each of them for like 5 seconds you quickly see they’re all a bunch of nerds and you would trust them with your life

wonpil loses his MIND when he sees your little plushy collection on your bed he thinks you’re the cutest person on the whole planet

he tells jae that’s he’s the luckiest man on earth when he thinks you’re not listening

you ARE though and you stop what you’re doing to give him a big ol hug and tell him he’s an angel

sungjin disapproves of how you’ve been living and asks if you’ve been eating enough and then turns on jae with a finger like U BETTER FEED HER

brian is so intimidatingly beautiful you can’t look him in the eye until you’re all eating ramen and you watch him choke to near death and then immediately go make himself another cup

relatable

dowoon looked lost and you immediately took him under your wing and you’ve been babying him ever since

you made jae take the box full of your plates and mugs and such bc it was too heavy for your Little Angel

“please y/n i am literally the strongest of all of us let me carry things. jae is going to keel over and die”

“nonsense !!! you’re a growing boy you need rest”

“please i literally punched a HOLE in a WALL on ACCIDENT and jae has a grass allergy i promise i will be fine”

regardless of the absolute struggle it was to coordinate everyone and get all your stuff to jae’s you are FINALLY moved in

your room is obviously not the master but you weren’t gonna be like Sorry Jae I Need The Master Bedroom Move Out Xoxo

it’s cute and you brought your own furniture and some posters and decor that you had all over your old apartment

basically you just condensed it all into one room

and the boys gave you a housewarming present and it was just a picture of them performing with you badly photoshopped next to jae playing the triangle

it wasn’t even framed they just taped it to the wall

typical

after all the moving in the boys leave you and jae to settle in but the moving was TIRING so

you’re already asleep on the couch

……….typical

jae just shakes his head and covers you with one of his large sweatshirts because for some reason he only owns one blanket and it’s on his bed and he doesn’t know where yours are

he’s literally HELPLESS

you wake up with a dry mouth at 3 in the morning and smile at jaes sweater barely covering your curled up body

you hold it up and it says “i like ugly” in tiny font .

this boy is perfect

you put it on and climb in your actual bed and decide to make him breakfast tomorrow for being such an angel

you set an ALARM that’s commitment if i’ve ever seen it

you make him pancakes and and coffee and when he comes out wearing a sweatshirt similar to the one you’re wearing and the rattiest sweatpants you’ve ever seen he doesn’t even notice anything at first

nd then he rubs his eyes and just stares

“y/n i’m gonna cry i haven’t had breakfast since 2008”

you laugh and launch yourself at him because he’s That cute

“you’re so cute thank you for letting me be your roommate !!!!”

he ruffles your hair and then sets his chin on top of your head

“thanks for breakfast, sunshine. even if this is also as early as i’ve been awake since 2008”

you pinch his side at that and then go to serve him a heaping pile of pancakes bc he’s skinny and he needs it

“alright noodle eat up!!”

“did you just call me noodle?”

“yes, look at yourself”

“.. that’s fair”

you guys chat over breakfast and thank GOD it’s a sunday and neither of you have shit to do

other than laundry

you force yourself not to mom him when he just puts it all in one machine and sets it on cold and leaves .

it hurts tho

instead of being productive while you wait you have multiple staring contests

jae keeps accusing you of saying he blinked when he didn’t

“i didn’t blink my eyes just look like that !!!! they are small and asian are you racist or something??”

“shut UP i won >:((((“

after the laundry is done you go your separate ways and jae heads out to band practice and it’s your very first time …

alone in your own apartment

naturally you take off your pants and dance around for at least 10 minutes

you didn’t even realize that since your roommate is a dude you can’t just ….. not wear pants

a travesty !!!

honestly let him try to stop you from going braless though. let him try.

you laze around and try to get caught up on your favorite shows and organize your room and then it gets late and you decide you’re going to make a MEAL for dinner

like a WHOLE . MEAL.

we’re going all out

you tie your hair up and put on your cooking sweater which is just a disgusting old sweatshirt covered with stains that hangs almost to the middle of your thighs

everyone needs one

next step is MUSIC because if you cook without it you just feel sad

we’re pulling out the oldies mix that’s right

i’m talking ELO, reo speedwagon, the doobie brothers we’re getting DOWN !!!!!

perhaps we’ll sprinkle some queen in there in honor of the movie that just came out

regardless you’re head banging while you chop vegetables

extremely unsafe but entirely necessary

jae comes home in the middle of your dramatic rendition of bohemian rhapsody where you attempt to sing every single part including the operatic harmonies

you are literally on your knees singing dramatically when the door opens and he comes out of the foyer to see YOU on the FLOOR wearing NO PANTS and singing QUEEN

you may just be ……. the most perfect woman he’s ever met in his life

he joins you because what the fuck else is he supposed to do

he comes in on the high GALILEO and then air guitars THE FUCK out of the next part while you literally thrash

i’m telling you it was one of the most taxing things you’ve ever done

you finish out the song and then fist bump for respect

“something smells good but also something smells burning”

and you scream because OH NO THE GARLIC BREAD

((it’s not even that burnt jae is just weird about smells …… grass allergy headass))

after the fake crisis is averted you finish up and the both of you FEAST while watching cheesy christmas movies and booing at love

you’re both . that bitter huh

also want to note that at some point you discreetly put sleep shorts on so you could pretend you hadn’t been pantless and possibly flashing your day of the week underwear to your roommate of like 36 hours

and when you’re literally seconds away from sleep jae boops you on the nose

like . kinda hard

“hey go to sleep this couch is not comfortable i promise”

“shut up you’re BONEY everything is uncomfortable for you”

“okay now you’re just being mean get your ass in bed”

“sorryyy :((((“

“yea yea go away weirdo”

you tell him goodnight and hug him extra tight in apology and he pats your head so like. all is forgiven hehe

that night when you flop in bed and wrap yourself around one of your pillows you’re pretty damn pleased with your roommate choice

time skip you and jae have almost 0 boundaries other than the necessary ones that keep you Platonic Friends and not Married Couple

which is basically just any affection beyond hugs nd the occasional snuggle

you heard me

the boys are in your apartment . all the time

literally all the time

and wonpil drunk cries to your stuffed animals about never finding love

PLEASE someone save him please

nights like those you and jae go full parent mode because everyone’s drunk so sungjin can’t do it himself

he’s too busy literally breakdancing in your living room

he moved the coffee table out of the way and everything

after everyone is put in beds (dowoon gets to deal with wonpil‘s cry snuggling … sorry)

you and jae always collapse on the couch actually exhausted because you both have weak cardiovascular health and you just carried four full grown men

you end up leaned up against each other for support and then sagging until one of you falls over onto their back and the other just follows

it varies which one of you ends up the big spoon and it’s so CUTE when you do

you think jae pushes you over a little because he likes it too but he would rather die than admit he likes being snuggled so

you’ll fall over onto your back and jae will pretend to be surprised but then wriggle up your body until he’s half on top of you and half on the side with his head resting just under your chin

his hair is FLUFFY and it TICKLES you so you have to move it so you can sleep !

that’s what you tell yourself when you comb his hair down with your fingers

you pretend not to hear him sigh and feel it against the skin of your neck

you also pretend he hasn’t wrapped both arms around your rib cage like a vice and is not letting go anytime soon

cutie :(

he tucks his forehead into your neck and you physically feel his whole body relax and wow . so this is what peace is like

of course it lasts for 5 whole seconds before wonpil let’s out an actual wail and dowoon is urgently whispering shut the fuck up PLEASE SHUT UP

jae snorts against your neck and gives a minute shake of his head, splaying his hand across your ribs and tugging you farther into his hold

first of all. that ticKLES and it takes every shred of self control not to squirm

second: at this point he’s practically trying to fuse your bodies together really you cannot physically get closer than you are

you’re absolutely enjoying it though so you wrap your arms around him and settle in with one leg flopped over his and a blanket you pulled off the floor haphazardly thrown over the two of you

he’s such a SNUGGLE BUG you can barely believe it

he just loves to pretend he’s some angsty lonely dude who plays guitar and SKATEBOARDS like the giant cliche he is

when actually he is a Big Baby

he texts you to calculate the tip for him whenever he’s out to eat with the boys because he “swore off math in 2014”

he asks you if his outfits are okay nd he always looks like an old man but you still tell him it’s good

you think so at least <33

you can read each other so well it’s scary

you’ll walk in the living room and jae will be like NOPE i’m leaving

and you’re like what :(((((((

and he’s like i just KNOW you’re about to yell about random shit we both personally have no control over and it gives me ~anxiety~

“okay well i was just gonna say that global warming is a real proble-“

“LA LA LA I CANT HEAR YOU”

(he thinks global warming is real he just. doesn’t want to talk abt it bc he knows you will Never Shut Up once you start)

you hand him coffee on his way out in the mornings when you know he has a long day ahead and he pats you on the head in thanks every time

jae cooks for you too !!! we love equality

he sticks to pretty simple stuff but he was living alone for a while so he had to know at least a little so he could like. survive

and believe it or not the both of you are not always sunshine and daffodils

when you’re upset he always knows and makes sure to be there if you need anything but basically just leave you alone

he has a tendency to misread the situation and think it’s still cool for him to joke around but you are Actually Angry

and it’s gotten him into lots of trouble so instead he is supportive from afar and does his best to be not offensive

when he’s upset he’s usually super mopey and writes sad song lyrics all day

you forcefully drag him out of his room to make sure he eats and do your best to cheer him up by whatever means necessary

you’ve embarrassed yourself just to hear that laugh of his

the one where he opens his mouth really wide and gasps a little and his eyes squeeze shut

……… fuckin cute

anyways you guys are just dating already but don’t even realize

until one of your coworkers asks you to come out after work and you say no

and it’d be Friendly and Normal if you did it because you promised jae you would cook that night

or you had made plans with him or something

but you were just uncomfortable doing any of that kind of stuff with some Not Jae guy

and after that your eyes are ~wide open~ sister

you find yourself giggling a little too long when he jokes around with you

you can’t help it okay his presence is like a RUSH of serotonin

and imagining yourself doing couple things with jae

turning your usual dinner outings into dates in your head where he holds your hand as he drives and sits next to you in the booth so he can sling a long arm around your shoulders

you let yourself become the slightest bit more affectionate

tucking yourself under his chin every night before you split to your separate rooms

tugging on his hand to get his attention and then playing with his long fingers

you know he notices because god damn how could he not notice ??

he has literally bad vision but he can read the signs

This Ain’t His First Rodeo

he is hesitant to become involved with someone he depends on so much

the age old dilemma of wanting someone but then being afraid to lose them because of it

he wouldn’t admit it but you were quite literally the light of his life

he had been so lonely in his apartment before, living off of instant ramen simply because he didn’t want to cook anything and holing up in his room writing about loneliness and being lost

then you showed up with your bright eyes and took every weird quirk of his in stride and nagged him about eating better and washing his clothes “properly”

(he thinks when you say “properly” you just mean your own way but that’s besides the point)

he even liked when you would take his glasses and wear them and do terrible impressions of him because you looked so CUTE in them

he thinks you’d look cute in all of his belongings but again

are the both of you ready to cross that line?

of course u are lol what else am i supposed to write about

fourth wall break: over

okay so wonpil keeps coming over when he knows jae is gone to try to convince you that the two of you are in love and should get married and have little mini jaes and whatnot

you inform him that he’s CRAZY and that jae thinks of you as a roommate and friend and that’s IT

and as much as you want to think you’re denying wonpil because you’re embarrassed you’re starting to actually believe it

he’s never shown any sort of real interest in you that is out of the realm of Friendly Roommates

and yeah sometimes you guys snuggle but wonpil is literally wrapped around your right arm at this very second so . not valid

wonpil is basically BEGGING at this point for you to see what he sees

which is jae actually being sickeningly in love with you

even if you did believe him at all …. that’s an exaggeration and you both know it

“y/n he’s writing a SONG. about YOU. that boy love loves you. big time”

“people write songs for their friends all the time”

“not jae !! he’s never written a song that hasn’t been about love or loss, you choose which one you’ll be”

“oh shit that was deep”

“i know right? can you believe i came up with that on the spot? wig.”

and then you smack him for being a fckin twitter stan and continue with your argument

jae walks in just as it starts to get physical

wonpil is latched onto your leg as you squirm and wiggle around trying to throw the LEECH off your leg

jae detaches him with a well placed finger between his ribs that makes him squeal Very Loudly and let go

unfortunately you had been leaning all your weight to one side to counteract wonpil and when he let go you went careening sideways

jae just barely grabbed your wrist and yanked you back up

and then you stumbled into him and he stumbles and you both almost fall before getting your shit together

you’re standing pressed together with his feet spread apart so that you’re a little bit closer to his height as you latch onto his shoulders for balance

one of his arms slides around your middle to hold you against him while he used the other to make sure his guitar case doesn’t just fall off his shoulder

wonpil is on the ground holding his rib cage and fake crying when jae goes

“enough wonpil i could hear you yelling like a block away what is going on here???”

you peep out a nothing !!! at the same time wonpil yells

“i’m trying to convince y/n of TRUE LOVE that’s what”

“oh …. y/n is in love?”

“y/n is in DENIAL”

you plead with him to stop please wonpil

and he is relentlessly ranting about how you refuse to “see the light” and how happy you could be

jae sees that this is actually upsetting you from your flushed cheeks and furrowed eyebrows and the way you clutch the hem of his sweatshirt

“alright that’s enough. wonpil go home you lovesick fool”

wonpil trudges out and gives you a sneaky kiss on the cheek

jae has to hold you back when you lunge after him

after you’ve calmed down he slowly slides his arm from being wrapped around your middle to just barely brushing your back

you didn’t mean to get so worked up but like . wonpil is good at that okay

and he was basically going to out you to jae ????:??:!:?:$,&3!:8;

that’s a stressful event

you feel your breathing even out and you sigh in frustration

“i’m sorry y/n, he does that sometimes :/“

“it’s fine it was just . a lot”

“yeah”

you stand in silence for a good minute when jae drops his hand from your back and ducks his chin

“was he…. telling the truth?”

and you want to die because wonpil wasn’t even there and you’re still getting outed !!!!

“which part?”

“the part where you’re in love with someone”

“i wouldn’t say ….. love”

“oh”

and this is just painful so you take a deep breath and just

“okay listen i really really get it if you don’t return the feelings and it’s fine i just … please don’t kick me out i really love living here and all your band members coming over and i even love wonpil !!!! even though he’s a little crazy !!! and i love your fat cat mr.crackers and dancing around to old green day and watching shitty romance movies just to make fun of them and i just don’t want this to end!! we can forget it ever happened and i swear i’ll just. get over it or something and i-“

“okay don’t get too hasty about forgetting it i haven’t even said anything yet”

you stare at him wide eyed

“i’m sorry . what.”

“i can’t believe it took wonpil bodily attacking you for you to say that”

and then he drops his guitar with a thud and steps into your space to slide a warm hand around the nape of your neck

he pulls you closer and stops when your noses brush

“is this okay?” he whispers

“why are you whispering?” you whisper back

“shut up” he breathes right back

he smiles and then tugs you forward and tilts his head down to plant his lips on yours

he’s soft and tentative and pulls away after just a few seconds to press kisses to your cheeks and the tip of your nose

“if it’s worth anything i like you too,”

“are you kidding me that’s worth EVERYTHING ???”

and then you pounce on him and bury your face into the dip of his shoulder because you can’t reach his neck

damn skyscraper

he stumbles at first but then smiles down at your flushed face absolutely squished against his bony chest

he thinks it’s cute though and cranes his neck down to lay his cheek across the top of your head and loop his arms around you

dating jae is even better than you thought it would be !!!

wonpil wasn’t lying when he said jae was writing a song for you and when he plays it for you and sings so sweetly you cry your fckin eyes out

and he’s laughing and pulling you in to situate you on his lap with his guitar long forgotten leaning against the couch and asking you when you became such a softie

you look up at him with tears in your eyelashes and love in your eyes and he positively melts

he kisses your forehead and ruffles your hair and calls you kid like he didn’t just profess his undying love for you through song like the cliche he is

the two of you spend the whole night wrapped up in each other, expressing all the affection you’d missed out on in the last few weeks

you hadn’t realized how…. touchy jae is until now

he can barely function without his good morning kiss

“y/n i am a weak, weak man pls give me a kiss or else i won’t make it through the day,”

..you also hadn’t realized he was this dramatic lmao

the boys supremely unsurprised when they burst into your apartment to find you straddling jae with your fingers in his hair

i’m telling you they don’t even PAUSE in their steps they just look at you and acknowledge it

and then brian just …. takes a seat next to you guys and is like

“are y’all done i wanna watch this redbox movie and return it tonight before i gotta pay for another day”

you’re both cherry red in the face and untangle yourselves in astonishment at his casual tone

dowoon is rummaging around in your fridge and calls out from the kitchen that the two of you were the most obvious people on the planet and that the rest of the band was in the same boat as wonpil they just weren’t absolute psychos

wonpil: this is true but i resent that

all of you settle back into a comfortable dynamic

you’re super happy that your relationship with jae didn’t make anything weird

it probably helped that the very first night that jae mentioned in passing that you were cute and the band had never let it go since

it also probably helped when wonpil pointed out your actual literal heart eyes the first time you saw jae

……………. they were just waiting for it to happen tbh

anyways

nowadays you spend your mornings parting ways with a kiss and your evenings snuggled up together on the couch exchanging eskimo kisses and sweet nothings and you couldn’t be happier

<3

[trashassassin]

flare. Chapter 1: The Long Road Ahead (Ignis Scientia x Reader)

Here it is, ladies and gentlemen, and non-binary folks of all sorts. The introduction to the series I had begun working on so long ago, the inspiration for which popped into my head as I was walking home from Chipotle one chilly autumn night.

I’m not kidding. This shit comes to me at the weirdest times.

This does have a coherent story line, as well as a number of original supporting cast members, so this chapter exists mainly as an introduction to all of that so you won’t be confused when they’re brought up throughout the series. They won’t come up as much in later chapters, but will remain important to the story throughout.

Word Count: 3974

Warnings: mild violence, mild language

"We have to do something, Iggy!"

You watched in horror as the monster, a skeletal, wolf-like creature, which had somehow slipped past the Wall, was now attempting to devour a helpless baby chocobo.

"Hey!" your companion, Ignis Scientia, shouted with an almost palpable uncertainty.

He picked up a rock from the ground and hurled it against a nearby tree trunk, prompting the creature to go and investigate.

"Now's your chance!" he said, and you darted forward to wrap the bird in the sweater tied around your waist, lingering only as long as you had to before the two of you took off back in the direction of your clubhouse.

"Is it following us?" you asked. "I feel like it's following us."

Ignis looked back and shook his head.

"No sign of it," he said.

"You're sure?"

"Positive."

As soon as you reached the clubhouse, you dug around frantically for the potion you kept around in case of an emergency. You’d seen it around a hundred times; why did it evade you now?

You eventually found it hiding beneath a pile of books on the floor and wrenched off the lid as quickly as your 8-year-old strength would allow before dumping its contents onto the tiny bird's injured wing.

"Come on!" you said, as if willing the medicine to work faster.

It took what felt like an eternity until the wound finally started to diminish.

"How does it look?" Ignis asked as he peered over your shoulder, eyes wide with concern.

"Better," you replied. "You're gonna be okay."

You gave it a tentative pat on the head with only your pointer finger; you didn't want to risk injuring it further.

It was then that it let out a soft kweh that signaled to you that it was out of immediate danger.

"What now?" Ignis asked. "Shall we try to return it to its previous owner?"

"No way!" you replied. "Clearly they didn't care about it if they just left it to die in the middle of the woods. I say we keep it."

"Keep it? Your mother would never allow such a thing and you know as well as anyone that I'm certainly not allowed any pets."

"My mother doesn't have to know," you said. "I'll keep it out here in the clubhouse."

"What happens when it gets too big for that?"

"Well, we'll deal with that when the time comes." You rose to your feet, taking the bird with you, still wrapped tightly in your sweater. "I think I'm gonna name you… Goldy!"

"Goldy?" Ignis scoffed. "How very unoriginal."

"What, you got a better name? Tell me these feathers aren't the most beautiful golden color you've ever seen."

"Well, we haven't exactly seen many chocobos around here..."

"Oh, whatever." You emptied a nearby basket of its current contents, an assortment of toys, and placed Goldy inside. "See, it can sleep here! At least, until it gets bigger."

"What will you feed it? You must think this through."

"Vegetables from the grocery store. Mom is always telling me to eat my vegetables, so if I buy extra, she can't possibly get mad."

He shook his head.

"This is insane, you know?"

"I know!" You smiled. "Exciting, isn't it?"

The feeling was bittersweet as you packed the last of your things away in the brown boxes that now surrounded you.

This was it, the moment your entire life thus far had been building up to. So, why weren’t you happy about it?

You loaded them one-by-one into the trunk of your car and then led your chocobo, Goldy, into the trailer hitched to the back.

"Be safe," you told her. "You should have plenty of food for the journey and nice soft straw to sleep on if you get tired." You patted her neck one last time and said, "Good luck," before closing up the trailer.

Goldy was lucky in that way. She didn't understand that you were leaving your home, your friends, and your previous life behind that day. It was just another day for her, another relaxing ride in the trailer to an undisclosed location. She loved to travel; her eyes lit up every time she stepped out into a place she'd never been to before, even if it was only a short distance away from her usual lodgings.

She was most certainly excited for the journey ahead, so you supposed you should be too. And you were excited, in a nervous sort of way. Not once had you left the confines of Insomnia to experience the outside world. To leave Insomnia was to enter a foreign land with a new currency and its own set of rules and regulations.

This was the world that you were setting off to.

You took a deep breath to steady yourself as you entered your car, sitting in the driver's seat staring at your hands for a good few moments before coherent thought returned.

You would be recognized immediately by everyone who saw you as an outsider. Your clothes, your car, the way you spoke, everything about you would give you away immediately to any of your adversaries. Would you be forced to fight?

Ignis had tried to teach you many times, just basic self defense with the tiny knife he gifted you for your eighteenth birthday, but imagining actually having to use it, actually having to take a life…

You shuddered.

Most of them were just robots, but you could never shake your fear of them due to all the nightmares you had during your childhood of them crashing through your windows, red eyes blazing at you as they closed in for the kill. Sometimes they were on your ceiling, dropping from above and strangling you while you slept.

You shuddered again. Your imagination was clearly your greatest enemy here and yet, you just couldn't shake it.

After all, beyond the protective wall projected by King Regis, all bets were off. The outside world was a savage place, uncivilized, crawling with monsters at every turn. At least, that's what you'd been told.

You lifted your phone from its place in the handbag beside you and dialed Ignis's number.

Please don't be busy.

He picked up on the third ring and greeted you warmly, a mock scolding tone in his voice as he said, "You'd better not be driving. We talked about this, remember?"

"No, I'm not driving yet." Your voice broke. "God, Iggy, I'm scared!"

His joking tone disappeared as he responded.

"What's frightened you?" he asked.

"Leaving the city," you replied. "You think they're gonna come after me?"

"The Magitek troopers?" You nodded even though you knew he can't see. "Highly unlikely. You think they somehow have inside knowledge of your personal relationship with the King?"

"Maybe."

You shrugged.

"Realistically, it's next to impossible for them to have such knowledge," he said.

"Yeah, okay,” you said. “What about the monsters? Will they attack Goldy?"

"She's being sent to secure private property, yes?"

"Yes."

"Then you should have nothing to worry about. As for yourself, it's best not hang around outside after dark, as that's when they're most active."

"Okay." You blinked hard in an attempt to stave off the tears that threatened the corners of your eyes.

"What is it?"

"Uh…" Your aggressive blinking had no effect. "I'm gonna miss you. That's all."

"I'll miss you, too," he said. "In fact, I already miss you. I have since you left my apartment this morning. But it's alright because you're going out to fulfill a lifelong dream of yours and for that, I am very proud of you."

"Thanks."

"I must get back to work now, but feel free to contact me whenever you'd like and I'll get back to you as soon as I'm able, alright?"

"Alright."

"Have a safe journey. Goodbye."

"Bye."

The line went dead and you spent a few moments staring at the blank phone screen, allowing your tears to flow freely as you did.

Get it together, goddammit!

You wiped your eyes and turned the key in the ignition, prompting the car's engine to roar to life. There was no turning back now.

You were headed out to a tiny city in the Duscae region known as Caulden to begin your apprenticeship with world-renowned chocobo vet, Dr. Lyle Atkinson. He owned a large plot of land very near to there, the Willow Springs Farm, a chocobo farm that would provide boarding for Goldy as well as a bright future for you.

That was your goal, to become like Atkinson in learning to care for the animals forsaken by Insomnia's protective wall. Ever since you were a little girl holding the gravely injured Goldy in your arms for the first time, that had been your dream.

And now, it was becoming a reality. Or it would, at least, if you could get there in one piece.

The journey was a long one, the road containing bizarre twists and turns, taking you up to precarious cliff sides and various creature crossings deep in the wilderness, two things you'd never had to face before. You were a pretty confident driver, but you would’ve been lying if you’d said that your heart wasn't racing as you were presented with these new challenges.

The first leg of your journey was far too much to complete in a single day so, following Ignis's guidance, you checked yourself into a small motel for the night, called The Point or something equally mundane.

After you'd gotten a full night's rest (or at least tried to with your childhood nightmares resurfacing in your head), you set off bright and early so that you would hopefully make it all the way to Caulden before night fell once more.

Your arrival to the Duscae region was immediately apparent, the cracked, dusty roads of the nearby towns smoothing out and becoming surrounded by seemingly endless wilderness. The sight of it was enough to take your breath away. Insomnia was a beautiful city for sure, but it was highly industrialized, filled with skyscrapers and flashy billboards. Beautiful in its own right, but nothing at all like this.

You watched with awe as the creatures of the field roamed freely, making no effort whatsoever to attack you or your cargo. They were simply going about their business, grazing on grass or napping by the riverside, nothing at all like the vicious monster creatures you'd been envisioning in your head.

You immediately noted that the air streaming through the open top of your car was much fresher than that of the city, lightly seasoned with the scent of the nearby bodies of water and the towering trees.

In that instant, the majority of your fear had vanished; you were certain you were going to like it there, at least.

Your first stop was your new apartment located in a small complex off near one of the side streets. You took a quick peek into Goldy's trailer before unloading your things; she was fast asleep, just as you assumed she would be. She was very well tempered, something you were always grateful for.

Getting all your things inside would prove quite difficult seeing as some of the boxes contained very heavy things like your entire collection of hardcover books and a kitchen's worth of china dishes.

This would be a lot easier with two people.

The thought invaded your mind before your could stop it, and it caused your eyes to well with tears once again.

But you could manage just fine on your own, you resolved, taking the heavier things first by shoving them along the surrounding grass with the smaller things placed on top of them. Getting them up onto the porch would prove more difficult; lifting them proved impossible, so you sort of rolled them upward using the edge of the porch for leverage. Once all of the boxes were placed in a neat pile by the door, you took the shiny new key from your purse and unlocked it revealing the dark, empty interior.

It was very quiet, a little too quiet, you thought, so you switched on the light and jingled the keys on your keychain around a little bit in an attempt to still your rising heart rate.

The room immediately in front of the door appeared to be a living space with a tiny kitchenette off to the side, already furnished with a refrigerator, a stove, and a dishwasher along with a washer and dryer set near the back. Across the hall from these rooms were two more, both with the doors closed, which you found to be a bedroom and a bathroom. It was certainly no high-rise, but it was just the right size for you.

Your next task was actually bringing the boxes through the door, which proved much easier than getting them onto the porch seeing as you now only had to push them in a straight line to get them where you needed them.

Before you started unpacking, you decided it would be a good idea to get Goldy situated in her new place so she wouldn't have to spend another night in the trailer.

Willow Springs Farm was very near to the apartment complex, only a few miles away. As soon as you pulled up, you spotted an older woman, maybe in her late fifties or early sixties, tending a vegetable garden near a towering farmhouse.

It was in an older Victorian style, painted white with a dark blue roof and a porch swing beside the front door that swayed in the light wind.

The woman stopped her gardening once she spotted your car and called out your name, as if to confirm your identity before coming to greet you.

"That's me," you replied.

"Oh, we've been expecting you!" She took off her gloves and set them aside before exiting the gate leading to patch of dirt you were currently parked on. "I'm Liberty Atkinson, the doctor's wife, but you can call me Libby."

"Nice to meet you, Libby," you said.

You shook her hand and then her attention immediately switched to the trailer you had with you.

"And this must be Goldy."

"Yup."

You unlatched the trailer door and lowered it to the ground, which caused Goldy to stir, but not wake.

"We're here." You tapped her gently and her eyes blinked open. "You can sleep some more when you get settled in, okay?"

Her responding kweh was less than enthusiastic.

"Y'all had a long drive up here, I'll bet," Libby said. "All the way out from Insomnia."

She emphasized every syllable of the word and it made you cringe.

Here we go.

"What's that like?" Her eyes were wide with intrigue. "Livin’ in the Crown City. It must be very glamorous, huh?"

"Eh." You shrugged. "There's a lot of getting stuck in traffic jams on your way to work. It's not really all it's cracked up to be."

You could already predict her next question as her lips curled into a massive smile.

"What's he like? The King, up close and personal?"

"Now that's hard to say. I never actually got to meet him."

This was a lie, of course; you'd been in proximity to the King many times given your friendship with his son's royal adviser.

She frowned.

"Shame," she said. "It's always been my dream to visit, but they're so strict over there. Won't let just anyone through their gates, will they?"

"Definitely not," you replied.

A young man, presumably a farm hand by the way he was dressed, stepped between the two of you to grab Goldy's lead and guide her toward the stable, effectively ending that conversation, much to your relief.

"Well, lemme give you the grand tour," Libby said.

Her hand ghosted your shoulder as she lead you through the gate and to a dirt path that branched off in different directions, each corresponding to a location on the property.

"That there's the barn," she continued, pointing to the large white structure the farm hand was leading Goldy to. "And over there's the arena." She then pointed to a large field surrounded by a white fence which contained several chocobos and their riders, who were dressed in jockey uniforms. "We offer training for chocobo races Monday through Thursday if you happen to be interested in that."

"I'll keep that in mind," you said, even though you had no real intention of training Goldy to be a racing bird.

"And out here…” She lead you to the area behind the barn. "...is the pasture. Everybody needs a little fresh air and sunshine, and chocobos are no exception. They usually spend the daylight hours in the pasture unless it's rainin' or snowin', or we're havin' a particularly bad day with the daemons."

"Daemons?"

"The monsters," she said. "Come to think of it, you probably didn't have to deal with them much, did you city girl?"

She laughed.

"I can't say I did," you replied.

And you were very grateful for that.

"Anyhow, behind the pasture is the trail, which can be used by our boarders for ridin', provided it's safe to do so. You'll have to check with Clive before you head out."

"Who's Clive?" you asked.

"Clive Atkinson, our son," she replied. "The one who's leadin' Goldy. He's an expert when it comes to daemon slayin', so he usually keeps them off the trails. He'll let you know if it's too dangerous to head out there."

"Do you have a lot of trouble with these… daemons?"

"It generally gets a lot worse in the warmer months, but it's not as bad now that it's startin' to cool down a little. All the tasty critters they usually eat have gone into hibernation or are migratin' for the winter."

"Have any of your birds ever been attacked?"

"Not a one. Even if they were, we got the best chocobo vet in the entire world to look after them."

This set you at ease a little. Even if Goldy did get mauled by some creature, she would be in good hands. The best hands, in fact.

"She's all settled in," the man who you now knew as Clive said as he caught up with you once more.

"Oh, good," Libby said. "One more thing to note, the first floor of the farmhouse is sort of a gathering space for our boarders, so feel free to stop in there if you'd like. Snacks are on the table."

"Thanks for everything."

You were addressing both of them with this statement.

"Don't mention it," Libby said. "We're just doin' our jobs."

With that, the two of them wandered off to get back to whatever it was they were doing before you arrived, and you decided to head into the barn to visit Goldy. She was already asleep again by the time you reached her stall, likely glad to have somewhere proper to sleep.

If there was one thing Insomnia lacked, it was places like this, places with wide open fields for her to run around in. Sure, there were stables for boarding chocobos, but they were overly-sterile, their interior paved with stone instead of grass without much access to sunshine. Even if you wanted to keep Goldy in a place like that, you never could have afforded it.

Instead, she remained within you clubhouse, which you eventually fashioned into a sort of makeshift stall with a large pile of blankets for bedding and a pair of old plastic buckets for holding her food and water. Her diet consisted mainly of carrots and lettuce, only the finest smuggled out to you by Ignis, which she seemed to enjoy well enough. You would take her on rides when you had the chance between classes and the part-time job you held, using a length of rope from the hardware store as a bridle as, once again, you never could have afforded the real thing.

As you watched her sleeping on a bed of straw surrounded by others of her kind, you were happy that she finally had a proper place to stay.

You decided not to take the offer to mingle with the other boarders, promise of snacks aside, in favor of unpacking your things back at the apartment.

You started with the bigger things, a collapsible bookshelf, which you placed in the living room area, and your tiny flat screen television, which you placed on the floor in the bedroom. The largest items, like your mattress and sofa, were being shipped separately and weren't likely to arrive for another day yet.

That meant sleeping on the floor for a while.

You spent the rest of the afternoon organizing the smaller items, like the aforementioned books and dishes, before putting away your clothes and toiletries, which were stored in the duffel bag still waiting in the car.

Even after all of the boxes had been exhausted, one remained, a smaller, lighter box with a small note attached to it. It was the last thing Ignis sent you off with before you left his apartment.

You sat down on the sleeping bag you'd arranged on the floor of your bedroom, setting the box in your lap as you sliced through the tape with a small pair of scissors.

A few items stuck out immediately, a miniature coffee maker and a bag of Ebony coffee grounds, his favorite. Along with these, which would likely be an essential part of your new college life, was a thick knitted blanket, a collection of paperback books, and a bag of homemade chocolate chip cookies.

The last of its contents was the note, handwritten on a piece of premium stationery with a faux worn appearance, outlined on all sides with a minimalistic flower design.

Hello.

I hope my gifts prove useful in the coming days. I trust I thought of everything you'd need, some quality coffee to keep yourself awake for the inevitable sleepless nights, a blanket to keep you warm as the weather starts to chill, and a few of your favorite novels, to keep you entertained during your limited free time. And of the cookies, I hope that they will remind you of me, a little piece of home to comfort you during what is most certainly a stressful time.

Always looking out, Iggy

You tried your very best not to cry again—you'd cried enough already, surely—but to no avail.

You held the letter in your hands, reading through it at least once more before setting up the coffee maker in the kitchen in preparation for the coming morning. You then returned to your room, tucking the letter away into the bottom of the box where it would be safe for now, and grabbed one of the cookies from the bag as you began to look through the books he gave you. A smile spread across your face as soon as you read the first title.

Starlit Wonder, the story of a small town girl who got involved with a big time pop star, followed by another book from the same author, Everlast, the story of a humble hotel maid who got involved with some kind of dark, mysterious man.

What would he be this time? A vampire? An angel? The possibilities were endless.

The next two were a duology, Hope Beyond Hope and Lust at Sea, following the story of Maria McKellen and a tortured old sea captain, Benjamin Lake. And the last was a new release that you hadn't heard of before, Across the Stars, a sci-fi romance about a scientist who fell in love with the android in her crew.

These were perfect. He knew you so well.

You had a little time before it would be prudent to get to sleep, so you wrapped the blanket around yourself and began your foray into the world of Starlit Wonder.

[savetheblackpaladin]

Drabble with Shiro when he s/o leaves him alone with his 3 month old daughter for the first time?

OH my god, yes!!! 3 month old potato babies are such good babies!!! (I personally love young babies bc they’re trying to figure out EVERYTHING and they’re so SMART and they’re so SMILEY and I JUST LOVE BABIES OKAY)

Also because I can’t let this go, Shiro still has twin girls: Astrid and Hayden bc I’M WEAK

“Babe, we’re gonna be fine.” Shiro’s voice is soft and reassuring, even as you close the door again for the third time to give your darling twins a mournful look. How could you leave them when they’re so helpless! Look at them playing on the floor! They can’t even roll over yet!

“Shiro”, you sound anxious and you know it, “I don’t need to leave. It’s fine, I can just stay here and–”

“Nope!”, he interrupts, lightly shoving you towards the door, “I’m a grown man. I’m fully capable of taking care of the two humans I helped create.” While you definitely agreed you still couldn’t help but protest as Shiro managed to get you physically on the other side of the door and continued to ignore you. “Go out with Allura and Lance. Enjoy your spa day. Enjoy eating whatever restaurant they drag you to. Just…”, he paused to kiss your cheek, “I’ve got everything here, okay? I’ve been watching you be an excellent momma for three months. I won’t be as good as you, but I am their dad. I can handle two sweet babies for five hours.”

“Just last night you called them demons from hell…”

“Okay but that’s because it was two in the morning and my turn to feed. Now stop stalling and enjoy having a life!” You pouted but finally felt yourself giving in. Because no matter how much you didn’t want to leave your little ones, you desperately needed some time off.

Besides, if you couldn’t leave your girls alone with their own father then you’ve obviously made a wrong choice in who you let knock you up in the first place.

Which you didn’t because, come on, Shiro’s literally the best human in existence. Also he read more parenting books than you and was actually really good at getting them to take a bottle (which your sore nipples greatly appreciates on most nights). They were in the best care possible and yet…

“Okay but send me pictures–”

“On the hour, every hour.”

“And let me know–”

“I’ll basically be livestreaming via text.”

“Okay and if you can’t–”

“Babe!”, Shiro’s loud voice stopped your mini-rant and you gazed at him with wide-eyes, “Go. Have. Fun. Let me have quality dad-time with my babies. You can’t hog them. Now, go. That’s an order.”

You pouted but the sound of Lance’s car pulling up and Lance shouting ’Yeah, hi, I’m here to pick up a hot mom?’ made the choice for you. You gave Shiro one last kiss on the lips and slowly trudged through the snow towards your friends. You glanced back one last time to see Shiro giving you a thumbs up before Allura physically pulled you in.

They’d be okay. Yep yep! Of course they would! It was only your anxious parental instincts telling you otherwise. 

Things were not fine.

In fact, as Shiro finally closed the front door behind you it was like a switch flicked on in the girls’ minds. They knew their momma was gone.

The crying was immediate and Shiro cursed under his breath as he crawled over, laying next to Astrid and gently shushing them both as he reached over to gently caress their soft heads with each hand. “Shh, shhh, shhhh, hey now…hey now….I know, I know…you miss momma….that’s okay, daddy’s here….daddy’s got you…yeah, that’s it! Wipe those tears!….Hey starshines!”

Shiro felt his heart soar as Hayden, who was farthest from his body, did her best to roll closer, her little hands reaching for her daddy but those traitorous back legs refusing to move with her tiny body. Astrid resumed playing with the toys dangling above her, content that one parent was close by and thus all was right in her world.

Shiro sighed. He could do this. Minor panic averted. His girls were just lonely. But that’s okay. He could lay on the floor for five hours.

Speaking of….”You girls want some tummy time?” Both girl’s looked over at the sound of his voice and ‘coo’ed, flailing their arms in excitement as daddy’s hands reached towards them, only to feel utterly betrayed as he flipped them on their tummies rather than pick them up. The monster.

Shiro maneuvered them so they were facing each other with a plethora of soft, brightly colored toys between them as he assumed a similar position beside them. “That’s it! Look, I’m doing it too! Isn’t this fun? Holding up our heads is totally fun! Gotta work those neck muscles!”

Astrid protested with a small cry. “Ooohhh, I know,” Shiro baby talked in response to her tears, “It’s soooo hard holding our head up but you gotta, baby girl. Yeeeah, I know, I know, it sucks…tell me all about it…yeah? That bad? Well you got like, 10 minutes, so keep telling me how awful this is.” He smiled as he watched his girls hold their heads up, his heart filling with warm pride as Hayden reached out to play with toys. Astrid continued to tell Shiro how awful this was but she was still so strong and when her 10 minutes of tummy time was up, he immediately scooped her up, giving her soft kisses and murmuring about how strong she was and how proud he was to be her poppa before he got a whiff of her dirty diaper.

“Oh…that’s why you were crying! I’m so sorry babygirl! Daddy didn’t realize you had a poopy diaper!,” Astrid continued hiccuping, pleased to be held but upset about the squishy in the diaper. “Say ‘Bad Daddy! Not checking my diaper!’ Yeah, I know. I’m the worst. Let’s get you cleaned up. You good Hayden?” Hayden glanced over at the sound of her name and giggled, happy to once again be on her back with her favorite butterfly stuffed in her mouth. “Yeah, you’re good. Play safe while I change your sister’s diaper.” 

Baby Daddy™: just had successful tummy time. changed Astrid’s diaper. Hayden good

Baby Daddy™: lied, hayden let loose

Baby Daddy™: really let loose my god. Cleaned her up and changed clothes. All good

Baby Daddy™: no longer happy with play mat, put in stand-up bouncers with head support, both happy both bouncy

Baby Daddy™:

Baby Daddy™: Bottle time!

Baby Daddy™:

Baby Daddy™: they grow up so fast!

Baby Daddy™:

Baby Daddy™: Operation Nap Time a bust, play time resumed

Baby Daddy™: They like my singing. Unlike you. I feel appreciated here.

Baby Daddy™: more tummy time. gonna tire them out.

Baby Daddy™: got fussy, put both in the bouncy sleep things to try and rock them to sleep.

Baby Daddy™: still determined not to sleep, it’s all good. 

Baby Daddy™:

Baby Daddy™: angry babies but don’t worry, just fussy from not sleeping

You anxiously checked your phone again, the time on Shiro’s last text dated to two hours ago. You chewed your lip and shoved it back into your pocket. Allura’s voice was soothing as she pulled you into her arms, “He probably fell asleep darling. It’s all okay.”

You nodded and release the breath you were holding with a shaky sigh. You couldn’t wait to get home! But with snow on the road, it’s not like you could urge Lance to drive faster. No matter how much you wanted him to floor it.

It wasn’t that you had a bad time. In fact, you had a great time! You forgot how much fun it was to just relax with friends like there wasn’t a care in the world. But when Shiro stopped texting you, you felt your anxieties grow by the minute and now that your five hours were up, you couldn’t wait to hold your babies again.

After what seemed like hours, Lance finally pulled up to your house. “Here you are ma’am. Payment due is one more lunch date before the end of the week.” You smiled an leaned over the front seat to give Lance a kiss on the cheek, “Thanks for this Lancelot.” Lance flashed you a smile as you pulled back to hug and kiss Allura before exiting.

You felt like running to the door, but figured that would be rude to Lance and Allura. Like you were desperate to escape them rather than desperate to see your babies. 

At the door you turned and waved, smiling as they both blew you kisses before driving away. Once out of sight, you frantically unlocked the door and called out, “Honey! I’m home!’, into the hall.

But there was no answer and you swallowed the lump of anxiety in your throat as you struggled to pull off your snow boots off. “Shiro?”, you called, and still no answer.

You quietly tiptoed into the living room and were greeted with a sight that nearly turned you into a puddle of happy gooey feelings. Sitting on the floor, back against the couch was your husband. His hands were clasped, your babies snuggled against his sides in the crook of his elbows, all three had their mouths open in silent snores, little drops of drool working their way into Shiro’s shirt. Shiro was surrounded by toys, blankets, the bouncers, and bottles. The struggle he had in getting them to sleep apparent. 

You quickly snapped a picture and snuck your way out of the living room. After all, you couldn’t interrupt quality dad-time.

~*~If you enjoyed this or any of my other works please consider donating to my Ko-fi or Digital Tip Jar!~*~

[averagelizajane-blog]

Counting Blessings

It’s nearly 11pm on Thursday and my eyes hurt I’m so sleepy.  I’m angry because I’ve been up since 5am and going NONSTOP; I passed exhausted on Monday and hit zombie-teacher-mom-tired by Tuesday night. As usual, my two kids were in bed by 9pm, but I’m forced to stay awake until 11pm, again, tonight, as I do every night, night after night, every.single.day.  

I can’t remember the last time I wrote a blog.  Life took over.  I’ve been REALLY wanting to sit down and share an update, but between starting a newish job (8th Grade English) and juggling the typical everyday grind – I haven’t been able to make it happen.  

So why now?  What made me actually sit down in front of my computer … It’s NOVEMEBER!  My favorite month due to Thanksgiving & Prematurity Awareness Month!  AAAANNNNDDDD, even though I am struggling A LOT with my sleep, my weight, my organization, my parenting skills, and my overall wellness, I have much to celebrate.  I was reminded of the extent of my blessings tonight when I pushed Anne-Marie’s two nighttime medications into her feeding tube, and I use the term “pushed” literally! There was a time when we couldn’t actually push the syringe down with any kind of tiny force.  We would need to gently and SLOWLY move the top of the syringe down very carefully because the smallest amount of anything into her stomach would cause her to vomit. Now, I give her medicines as quick as possible so I can get to bed!  So, as I sit here and think of ALL we have overcome in just three and half short years, I cannot help but get a little emotional.  

 A RECAP

My second daughter Anne-Marie is a miracle.  

I used to hesitate using the term miracle (I actually didn’t like it) because I never felt like I “deserved” one.  As ridiculous as it sounds, I felt that God couldn’t possibly perform a miracle in my life.  I was raised going to church, but that didn’t equate to being spiritually mature or confident in my knowledge of God.  I knew the basics, but that’s it.  Therefore, I knew God doesn’t only work miracles for “good” people, he sees everyone as worthy … but I couldn’t help but feel inadequate.  It is extremely difficult to put into words, but the best way I can describe it is I felt God had way more important prayers to answer than mine.  Almost 4 years ago when I had a life-threatening pregnancy complication (preeclampsia with HELLP syndrome) and had a premature baby, I very much felt more “lucky” than the recipient of a miracle.  

I couldn’t have been more wrong.

I did have faith and I did wholeheartedly pray for a miracle, but I was unable to TRULY believe 100% that my prayers would be answered; I was scared my baby would die. Anne-Marie was born at 25 weeks gestation.  She weighed 14.8 ounces.  She was 10 inches long.  In other words she was smaller than TINY – about the size of my iphone 8 plus with my case.  She had an Apgar score of 2 and it took a skilled neonatal team 5 tries at intubation, but she survived the initial birth.  In addition to her traumatic yet miraculous start, there are several other details from “early on” that stand out as being heaven sent…

**My best friend Maggie saved my life.  Besides being intellectually gifted, she’s intuitive.  She knew what was going on with me and my pregnancy.  When my symptoms and bloodwork became alarming, she made sure I got the care I needed.  I am so naïve, I was going to go to my local hospital.  (Not knocking them at all – but I needed a hospital with a level IV NICU) Maggie insisted I go to Duke.  She’s knowledgeable in her field of women’s health and knew I needed to be monitored at a hospital equipped for a micropreemie delivery.  She sat in on a meeting while I was being admitted and helped put all the pieces of the puzzle together.  Plus, she was the calming presence that can only come from a trusting friend, which was exactly what Bradley and I needed during such a scary time.  Without a shadow of a doubt, Maggie was put into my life so many years ago for several reasons, and I choose to believe one of those reasons was to save my life at age 31.

**Prior to delivery, when I was being monitored like crazy for seizures, I vividly remember laying in my hospital room wide awake (very alert to be on Magnesium Sulfate) praying to God that they wouldn’t deliver Anne-Marie on my Leah’s birthday.  My worst nightmare was for Anne-Marie to not make it and then every year, I’d have a birthday (Leah) and the anniversary of a death on the same day.  Well, once again I am thanking God for unanswered prayers because as it turned out, Anne-Marie did need to be delivered on Leah’s birthday.  It’s actually a pretty cool blessing.  I take it as a pretty big sign from God that He is ultimately in control; I am forever reminded to trust him.  

**Anne-Marie spent nearly 7 months in the NICU.  She was very sick during part of that time.  There is one day in particular that is difficult to think about.  She was about 2 weeks old.  The “honeymoon” phase was over and her breathing wasn’t great. Her team wanted to change her breathing tube out to the next size up.  I don’t really know in medical terms what triggered this event, but I believe she just couldn’t handle the stress of being extubated then reintubated.  I walked into the room and the lights were up bright (unusual) and people were all around her isolette.  A respiratory therapist was bagging her, a was nurse were administering medicine, doctors were having a discussion, the social worker was trying to make me feel comfortable, and a separate nurse was logging everything they were doing into a laptop on a cart (very unusual).  Anne-Marie was unstable.  The medical team was anticipating the worst.  A hospital chaplain came to ask me if I wanted Anne-Marie to be baptized.  That was when everything hit me.  I asked one of her doctors if I should call my husband.  He responded that my daughter was very sick and she could die at any moment. My memories from the rest of the day are a little blurry, but I remember Bradley driving straight from work and being there in his dirty, greasy work uniform. We spent the night (without sleep) in a room off the side of the waiting room because Anne-Marie was in critical condition.  I remember texting everyone who I thought would legit get on their knees and say an honest prayer for Anne-Marie and asking them to PLEASE pray for Anne-Marie.  It is weird feeling, needing something SO SO MUCH, yet being so helpless.  In that moment, when I sincerely knew people were praying for Anne-Marie, me and Bradley, and our situation – a sense of peace came over me – one that can only come from God.

FASTFORWARD (to more miracles!):

It hasn’t always been easy, but Anne-Marie is now thriving.  This is the first time I can actually say that.  Before, when people would ask how Anne-Marie was, I would say, “Great!” only because that was the easiest thing to say.  Now, it is the truth.  Now, Anne-Marie tolerates all her tube feeds; no more vomiting.  She still requires a tube feed every 3 hours and it still takes an hour to complete so a lot of her time is still spent feeding – but at least she isn’t suffering anymore.  (Anne-Marie threw-up multiple times a day for the first couple of years of her life. This is not an exaggeration.  It was extremely sad to witness.) And sure, I have an occasional headache dealing with prescriptions/ insurance/ refills/ pump supplies – but overall it is not too bad, not anything like it used to be. Anne-Marie has made strides in all areas of her development:  She is eating more smooth purees by mouth, tolerating new sensory stimulation easier (loud noises, crowds, hand-washing, brushing teeth, etc.), and, most excitedly, she is TALKING!!  It’s been a LONG time coming, but another prayer has been answered.

This is the most recent picture I have of Anne-Marie.  She is at school celebrating Thanksgiving with her teacher and classmates.

Side-Note (necessary to FULLY grasp the magnitude of this answered prayer):

I am impatient, like really impatient, just ask my husband…  

Call it a mother’s instinct, call me pushy or crazy, I don’t care … but I knew it, I knew Anne-Marie wanted to talk.  I could see it in her eyes.  I read online about Augmentative and Alternative Communication, more specifically, Speech Generating Devices (SGDs), and strongly believed that it was going to be Anne-Marie’s pathway to oral speech.  I was optimistic but sadly, not many of Anne-Marie’s “key players” wanted to listen.  I’d continuously pitch the idea of getting a tablet to help Anne-Marie talk to anyone who would listen: my husband, her teachers, insurance people, her doctors, my friends at work, and even her SLPs, but unfortunately they were all reluctant. All of the non-medical/speech/ educational people would reply with the worst response ever, “She’ll talk, then you’ll want her to shut up!”  (I cringe --- it’s like telling a woman who is having trouble getting pregnant, ohh you just need to relax and it will happen.)  I never took it personally, because I know the individuals meant well, and they didn’t know it would hurt my feelings, but it did nonetheless. Responses like that are hurtful because what if she never talked, that happens you know.  And then when I asked all of the professionals who knew Anne-Marie about SGDs and AAC therapy, they were polite enough, but I never felt 100% heard.  I do not think they were opposed to Anne-Marie having an iPad necessarily, I just feel like their primary focus for Anne-Marie was somewhere else at the time. And to their credit, maybe it should have been.  However, I wanted her to have an iPad to help her talk and I wanted it immediately. She needed it.  When I’d talk to her, I could read her eyes… she had so much going on, so many thoughts, so much to say, but she couldn’t – she didn’t have the right tools…  laminating pictures and using PECS and Velcro just wasn’t cutting it (for Anne-Marie & no pun intended – lol).

So, Anne-Marie had a speech evaluation done at Duke on August 2, 2017.  Even though goals to trial AAC devices and begin AAC therapy were recommended at that evaluation, Anne-Marie did not have her first therapy appointment to late July 2018. For an entire year, I waited while feeling helpless.  The insurance people and the entire staff at Duke’s Speech and Audiology department know me by first name.  I called and appealed and emailed and cried and met face-to-face with a supervisor. I’d give up and quit fighting for what Anne-Marie needed.  I’d doubt myself, then try again.  Month after month.  My only mistake was not trusting God’s timing.  

Anne-Marie got her “talker” in June.  My parents bought it for her out of pocket because we (my mom and I) were determined we could watch YouTube videos and at least make a little progress.  Plus we wanted Anne-Marie to have it when school began in August.  We wanted the whole word to know just how smart she was!  As of the past couple of weeks, Anne-Marie does NOT need her talker! She only needs to have it for breakdowns of communication.  SHE IS TALKING!!  Not just saying sounds à she is actually talking! My daughter can tell me with her sweet voice, “I love you!”

I do not want my message to be misinterpreted – I do not believe AT ALL that the “talker” (Speak for Yourself App) alone was the sole reason for such a rapid progression of oral speech.  Anne-Marie has been in Early Childhood Special Education for the past 1.5 years. She gets speech therapy at school, in a clinic in town, and at Duke which are all HUGE factors! In addition, my mom is like an unofficial 1:1 teacher/OT/PT/SLP wizard who works magic with Anne-Marie.  My mom often scrolls Pinterest and TpT for activities.  She spends many quality hours with Anne-Marie each day. My mom has three drawers in my kitchen crammed full of Anne-Marie’s “Nana’s school” materials. I frequently come home to beans, water beads, pom-poms, etc. on my floor and my mom cutting out a new sorting activity that she has printed off for Anne-Marie.  My mom is a saint in every sense of the word.  She along with Anne-Marie entire village are major pieces to her miracle.

Sooo HAPPY THANKSGIVING to me!  

On this World Prematurity Day, I choose praise God Almighty from Him all blessings flow … and the blessings are bountiful. I choose to focus on what is GOOD as opposed to what is stressful.  Anne-Marie still requires a lot of specialized attention and takes a lot of out of us, BUT…

*I have a spouse who loves me unconditionally

*I have parents who love me and my kids and would do anything within reason for us

*I have an extended support system like no other

*I live in America where my special needs child receives medical assistance

*I have a job that fulfills me

*I have faith & comfort knowing God is with me in troubled waters

*I have an almost 4-year-old who is talking!

*I HAVE A MIRACLE!