#i am a grown up person and can run away from my responsibilities if i want to *stamps foot* 😡🙎‍♀️😂

[krisluxxeeempress]

MARS SQUARE SATURN SYNASTRY| ASTRO SYNASTRY SERIES

Aw, man. This synastry aspect is like a parent and child relationship, with the beginning stages being the worst part for anyone who shares this synastry. The mars person depends on the Saturn person and resents it and chooses to rebel. The Saturn person feels responsible for the mars person and becomes frustrated more often than not, with the mars person. It’s interesting because parents love their children (most times) and children (usually) love their parents at the end of the day, despite all the growing pains.

Personally, I am estranged from my family, but my parents still have an emotional hold on me. I love them despite all the pain I feel they’ve caused me and I’m sure they feel the same way. They provided me a safe environment and a private education so despite them not being there emotionally for me, I am grateful and love them. They were very hard on me and expected a lot from me but at the end of it all- I am hyper independent and strong because of them.

So, with the mars square Saturn synastry that is how they both feel about each other which inadvertently causes the square, the challenge in this dynamic. A parent can claim that their kids get on their nerves but in the same sentence they claim they wouldn’t be where they are without their kids and usually their life reflects just that. Example, before kids the parents weren't living right or taking anything serious. After kids, I've witnessed parents buying houses, obtaining degrees and having better jobs. They felt the need to grow up and so they did. It wasn't just talk but action.

Kids can claim to hate their parents but when it really matters, the kids always come through for the parents even in adulthood. You hate that your mom makes you clean your room, but you do it anyway because deep down you love her. Your parents hate how expensive you are, but they still work hard to not only provide for you but also strive to give you what you want. Both parties want to please the other and, in this quest, comes the frustration because if only I didn’t love the Saturn person, I wouldn’t have to do this. If only I did not love the mars person, I wouldn’t have to tolerate that.

We tend to EVENTUALLY love what we initially FOUND difficult at first. Therefore, I can say the mars and Saturn person do begin to love each other deeply after some time. Anytime Saturn is involved, you can expect long term. IT’S WEIRD BUT THE MORE ANYONE INVESTS FINANCIALLY (OR ENERGETICALLY) INTO SOMETHING OR SOMEONE, WE BECOME EMOTIONALLY INVESTED- IT'S ODDLY NEVER THE OTHER WAY AROUND. I SUPPOSE THAT IS WHY SOME SAY LOVE IS AN ACTION AND NOT AN EMOTION.

WITH THAT BEING SAID, THIS COUPLE SHOWS LOVE THROUGH ACTION. THE SATURN PERSON TRAINS THE MARS PERSON HOW TO ACT AND HOW TO PROPERLY EXERT THEIR ENERGY IN A MATURE MANNER AND INITIALLY THIS IS WHERE THE HARDEST CHALLENGES COMES IN. THE MARS PERSON IS LIKE A WILD ANIMAL AND THE SATURN PERSON IS THE TRAINER TRYING TO DOMESTICATE A WILD ANIMAL.) SOME WILD ANIMALS WILL SUBMIT MEANWHILE OTHERS RATHER DIE THAN TO BE DOMESTICATED – THE RESISTANCE IS USUALLY COMING FROM THE MARS PERSON WHICH AGAIN MAKES THIS SYNASTRY VERY DIFFICULT TO DEAL WITH. THE SATURN PERSON FEELS LIKE THEY HAVE TO TEACH OR RETEACH THE MARS PERSON EVERYTHING, USUALLY IT’S RE TEACH BECAUSE DUH! WE ARE GROWN.

SO, IF THE MARS PERSON IS USED TO BEING DISRESPECTFUL, IMMATURE, PLAYING GAMES IN RELATIONSHIPS- THE SATURN PERSON WILL CORRECT THIS BEHAVIOR AND IT WILL FEEL LIKE THE MARS PERSON IS RECEIVING AN ASS WHOOPING. SIMILAR TO A PARENT DISCIPLINING THEIR CHILD.  

The mars person will feel like everything they do is a problem and they’re unable to do anything right according to the Saturn person. The mars person will either decide to give up, rebel and run away from the Saturn person- kind of like a teenager who is mad at their parents for expecting better from them and begins smoking, drinking and getting in trouble with the law. The thing is the Saturn person does have high expectations and mars person will be challenged to rise to the occasion. This synastry aspect does give off ultimatum vibes because in reality, the mars person needs the Saturn person more than the Saturn person needs the mars person- and if the mars person is honest with themselves, they know this.

Going back to my examples- the wild animal needs the trainer, and the reckless kid/ adult needs their parents. Parents provide protection from all things the kid isn't ready for, same goes for a trainer. But in the moment, the animal, the kid, the mars person is unable to appreciate this and views it as an opposition (someone against them) not a (square) challenge to overcome.

the Saturn person has more experience and knowledge because they have been there and done that. The Saturn person “wasn’t born yesterday” so to speak. So, the Saturn person has patience with the mars person to a certain extent. Depending on the sign Saturn is placed in will determine just how short that patience will extend.

The Saturn person wants to invest in the mars person but only if it’s worth it and that is where the strength or weakness of the mars person will be exposed AND CHALLENGED. BUT IT’LL BE UP TO THE MARS PERSON TO RISE TO THE OCCASION. THINGS GET BETTER WITH TIME WITH THIS COUPLE SO LONG AS THE MARS PERSON ADHERES TO WHAT IS BEING TAUGHT, SHOWN AND EXPECTED- LIKE ANYTIHNG IN LIFE. WHEN WE START NEW JOBS AND ARE UNDERGOING TRAINING, THINGS SEEM OVERWHELMING BUT AS YOU STICK IT OUT, THE JOB becomes easier, and you will find that you were capable all along. When we start lifting weights at the gym, it’s painful, foreign, uncomfortable, and hard work but only the strong survive right? When you stick with something hard overtime you see massive growth and that is what this synastry is about especially for the mars person.

As for the Saturn person, they must learn greater patience and understanding and maybe some compassion because they have been the mars person before until they learned for themselves. Not everyone heals and learns at the same speed as yourself and having that expectation isn’t realistic or fair. The Saturn person may be too hard on the mars person and sometimes, this is because the Saturn person is trying to be a better through the mars person.

Back to my parent and child example- there are so many parents who failed in life in some regard and then they have children and try to live vicariously through the kid. A parent always wanted to be a doctor but couldn’t accomplish this, so they expect their kid to live out that dream. When the kid rebels, the parent in turn feels betrayed and let down and gives up on their kid with feelings of disdain and resentment. So, the Saturn person is challenged to reflect upon their intentions when it comes to the mars person.

Nonetheless, the mars and Saturn person are invested in each other because they both have a point to prove.  The mars person has the energy, drive and will to rise to the occasion but the Saturn person may initially make them feel insecure and question themselves. This makes the mars person angry but deep down it’s really insecurity because the mars person wants to make the Saturn person proud of them, they just hate how the Saturn person goes about it. Again, it feels like an ultimatum or conditional love not unconditional in the eyes of the mars person and this makes them resentful and resistance initially.

The mars person ultimately doesn’t feel like they can be themselves or accepted if they do not submit to the Saturn person. Whereas the Saturn person feels like they do understand the mars person which is why they have high standards for them because they can see the potential in the mars person that the mars person cannot comprehend at the moment.

Personally, I am predisposed and maybe biased in the sense that I think life is about challenges and growth. If you are with someone who doesn’t challenge you, I feel it to be pointless. I view this synastry to be very beneficial and reflects a mature love that will last the test of time which we all claim to desire at the end of the day. But when things get hard most people run away from it.

If you truly love someone or want to make it work, you’ll find a way. You'll make a way, giving up was never an option.

[ageless-aislynn]

Me, running away from my responsibilities 😇😉

[bosbas]

Chapter 11: if my wishes came true, it would've been you

series masterlist previous part || next part

pairing: benedict bridgerton x best friend!fem!reader WC: 4.7k words

Warnings: period-typical gender roles, idiots in love being idiots in love, mutual pining

Summary: You and Benedict have been best friends since childhood, but things change dramatically once you come out in society. You’re struggling to find someone you’re as compatible with and who knows you as well as Benedict, all while trying to quell your ever-growing feelings for him. Shenanigans ensue.

July 21, 1814 - In a rather interesting turn of events, Miss Y/N Beaumont was once more seen promenading on the arm of Anthony Bridgerton. It appeared that the two were quite happily chatting away, an increasingly common sight that comes after almost a month of barely any social appearances for our lady of the season. Was this just another friendly promenade, or could a romance be brewing between the two? Given the closeness of the two families, a union between them would be unsurprising. However, this author was most surprised that it was Anthony who decided to pursue Miss Beaumont rather than her long-time companion, Benedict.

"So you two are properly courting?" asked Hyacinth, shoving the latest Whisteldown column in both of your faces. You were sitting beside Anthony in the Bridgerton sitting room, your book set haphazardly on your lap after Hyacinth had barged in demanding answers.

"Something like that, yes," answered Anthony, grabbing the sheet of paper from her and skimming it over for where it mentioned you.

"What do you mean 'something like that'? You're either courting or you aren't, Anthony," came Hyacinth's exasperated response. You laughed softly at her impatience, understanding her frustration. You, at times, felt the same way. It was an unusual partnership, to be sure, but you were enjoying yourself thus far. You found you could attend social events again, not feeling any pressure to engage in conversation with slimy or uninteresting men.

"It means that I am attending balls again, Hyacinth. It also means that I can continue writing down detailed summaries of these balls and giving them to you the morning after," you said, hoping to distract her from asking any further questions about your courtship with Anthony.

And it seemed to have worked. Her face lit up, knowing you were the only person who currently attended balls that was kind enough, and attentive enough, to keep her informed about the goings on of the ton. She squealed and rushed to hug you, exclaiming "Thank you thank you thank you!!!" into your neck. You hugged her back, amused by her antics.

Suddenly, Hyacinth turned to Anthony, eyes narrowed. "You had better be a good suitor to Y/N. Will you be attending balls with her? And if so, will you be dancing with her? And will you be calling on her? Will you bring her flowers?" she interrogated. Hyacinth considered you to be one of the sweetest from the older bunch of Beaumont-Bridgertons. At least, you never made fun of her and you took her seriously enough that she could have grown-up conversations with you. So Hyacinth wanted to make sure that you were going to be properly courted by her brother. Truthfully, she had hoped you would end up with Benedict. She thought the two of you were in love, based on how he talked about you and how you looked at him, but she supposed she was too young to understand the more complicated aspects of romantic feelings, and perhaps she had misjudged whatever was going on between you and Ben. Nevertheless, she wanted at least one of her brothers to court you the way you deserved, especially after reading about the mostly unpleasant encounters you had with potential suitors thanks to your accounts of your evenings as a debutante.

Anthony patted Hyacinth on her head, laughing at her protectiveness. "Yes, I will be doing whatever Y/N would like me to do. Now run along, I've been attacked in my own home long enough." With a satisfied huff, Hyacinth ran out of the sitting room just as fast as she had come in, snatching Lady Whistledown's column out of Anthony's hand and taking it with her.

You smiled after her, shaking your head fondly. Anthony had let you take the lead on the speed and nature of your courtship, and you were more than grateful for the ability to choose the pace at which the two of you progressed. True to his word, he had not pressed you for an answer to his unusual proposal, and instead let you come to him once you were ready.

And sure enough, a week ago, you had made your way over to the Bridgerton household and asked to speak with Anthony privately. In the quiet of his study, you had accepted his proposal, finally laying to rest your dreams of spending the rest of your life with your best friend. It was a bittersweet moment for you. In a way, you felt relieved that you didn't have to pine after Benedict uselessly anymore, having a solid plan in place now and getting as close to what you wanted out of a marriage as possible, barring the possibility of romantic love. But a louder and more insistent part of you was feeling this loss to the bone. Loss of what you didn't know, since you and Ben had never been romantically involved, nor had you ever expected to marry him. Though you supposed a small part of you always held out some hope that Benedict might feel the same way about you as you did about him. That he also thought about you every night, laying in bed alone and wishing you could be in his arms. That the sketches of you and forehead kisses and endless pages of correspondence and hours spent talking together could mean more than just friendship. But in the end, you knew you had been foolish to think that two decades of friendship could be undone by a half-joking comment asking if he wanted to marry you.

Anthony, for his part, had been delighted, giving you an encouraging smile and a firm squeeze on your shoulder once he heard your final answer. He hadn't expected anything from you, of course, but he was happy that he could provide a solution that would benefit both of you. However, his proposal and your subsequent acceptance created a new challenge. Though you did intend to marry him, this wasn't what was usually considered a 'real' courtship, and you were hesitant to widely announce this fact to the gossip-hungry members of the ton.

"Anthony," you began, taking a seat opposite him. "I think we should discuss how we'll present this to the ton. I don't relish the idea of scandal, and I imagine neither do you."

"Mmm the pesky Lady Whistledown continues her reign of terror," hummed Anthony amusedly, shifting in his seat. "In all honesty, I believe any rumors would more negatively affect you, given the nature of our respective positions in society. I also know this is probably a more delicate situation for you than it is for me, so I'd be happy to go along with whatever you would like," said Anthony, sending you a sympathetic smile at the unspoken mention of Benedict.

Clearing your throat and ignoring the tightness in your chest, you pushed through your hurt. "Well, I think the most obvious question is of who we should tell. About the terms of our partnership, that is," you said, putting your hand on your chin and dreading the headache this whole ordeal would be. "I fear my mother might slit your throat and mine were she to find out that I am purposefully giving up on the possibility of a love match, especially after she told me repeatedly there's no rush," you said, looking up at Anthony with an apology in your eyes.

But he shook his head in response, "That's no bother, it is to be expected. I'm slightly scared my mother would react the same." You let out a snort at the thought of Anthony, at thirty years old, still scared of his mother. He rolled his eyes at you, knowing exactly why you were laughing at him, and continued speaking. "Regardless, I don't think we should tell anyone. We can be vague about our intentions and the specifics of our courtship until I propose publicly."

You nodded, trying to plan out that far ahead and feeling your heart speed up when you thought of Anthony on one knee proposing in front of other people. A real proposal this time. "Perhaps a month will be enough time? For it to be believable that we fell in love. That seems like a reasonable timeline, right?" you asked him, trying to imagine how long it might take you to fall in love with someone. Thinking back on your friendship with Benedict, you could recognize that you had been in love with him for years now, even if you didn't know it at the time. But you didn't have twenty years to fall in love with someone else, so a month with Anthony would have to do.

"Considering we've known each other two decades, I'm sure the ton would believe we were in love if we married tomorrow. It's our families we have to convince," Anthony reminded you. Because we all know you and Benedict are in love, he thought.

You nodded, thinking through all of your family members and their possible reactions to finding out you were marrying Anthony Bridgerton, of all people. If anything, they would probably expect Benedict to be the one to propose, no matter how absurd and impossible the idea was to you now. But this only made it more crucial that your courtship with Anthony was believable.

"I don't think we'll be able to convince Alex after the night we had in your study," you said finally. "Besides, it might be beneficial to have someone else on our side helping convince our families."

Although he seemed unsure, Anthony eventually conceded, letting out a grunt. "I'm inclined to agree. I could tell him later tonight at White's," he suggested. "We were planning on going with Colin and the twins but I'm sure I'll get a moment alone with him. It will probably be best to tell him earlier rather than later if I don't want a black eye," he joked, winking at you.

"Thank you," you answered gratefully. You weren't quite sure how Alexander would react to the news, knowing that you had just had your heart broken by Benedict and were now jumping into a partnership with his older brother, so you were happy Anthony offered to tell him instead of facing him yourself.

"So, how should we start courting?" you asked. "Well, not actually courting, but you know what I mean," you quickly corrected yourself.

Anthony smiled softly at you, understanding your need to specify that this wasn't a real courtship. Unlike you, he wasn't deeply in love with his best friend, so it was much easier for him to start pursuing someone, however real or fake it might be. But he knew that, at some level, you felt like you were betraying Benedict. Or at least betraying the feelings you had for him. At that moment, Anthony truly wished that Benedict would stop being a complete idiot. If not for Ben's own sake then to stop the absolute torment he saw in your eyes every time you thought of a future without your best friend.

"Ah, yes, our incredibly cunning ruse," Anthony responded, trying to keep his tone light. "I think we could probably start with a promenade a few days from now if you are amenable. It might be good to start with something a bit more casual," he said carefully.

"That's a good idea," you agreed. "Perhaps two days from now? It will give Alex enough time to digest the idea and I can mention to my mother that you asked if I wanted to get back into the social scene after such a long hiatus. I'm sure she'll be ecstatic enough to ignore the minor details."

Anthony nodded, already planning his speech to your older brother. "I can also start making off-handed comments around my family to really sell it," he suggested.

"Oh, that's perfect! I think we might just pull it off," you said, smiling at Anthony and feeling a weight lifted off your shoulders.

But Anthony could not relax yet. He cleared his throat uncomfortably, knowing you needed to address the issue of Benedict but also understanding that it was a relatively painful topic at the moment. After shifting in his seat slightly and receiving a quizzical look from you, he finally spoke up. "How would you like to tell Benedict?" he asked delicately.

You winced at the mention of his name. You had no idea, to be honest. How were you going to tell your best friend that you were marrying his brother? Saying it in person and having to see Benedict's reaction in person would be incredibly painful, but saying it in a letter would be worse, you reasoned. Especially since you had avoided any mention of potential suitors in your correspondence thus far, and were planning on continuing to do so. The letters exchanged between you were too precious, too intimate, to be ruined by the mention of one of your suitors. You stared at Anthony, resigned. "It would probably be better coming from me, wouldn't it?"

Anthony gave you a sympathetic smile. "I'm not trying to get out of doing it, I know this will be one of the most difficult parts. But I believe it'll be better if he hears this from you. He would be crushed if he found out you were getting married from anyone other than you."

You sat back in your seat, overwhelmed by the magnitude of what was to come. If Ben reacted negatively to your relationship with Anthony, you might never see him again. You were desperate to make the blow as soft as possible and preserve as much of your friendship with Ben as you could. "I suppose you're right. I want to tell him in person, though," you said, nervously playing with your fingers. You felt thick tears in your eyes at the realization that if Benedict were here right now, he would be the one rubbing your hand with his thumb as he usually did when you were anxious.

Sensing your inner conflict, Anthony jumped to provide you with a solution. "If you want our courtship to last for a month, that aligns almost perfectly with our country house party in Kent. It would make sense for Benedict to come to Aubrey Hall for the party anyway, and you could have some time alone with him to tell him."

You nodded, quickly blinking the tears from your eyes. It was a perfect plan, indeed. Everything fit together perfectly, you realized with a sinking feeling. You were still half-hoping that there would be a reason you couldn't go through with this, or a massive oversight as to why the plan wouldn't work. But it seemed to be foolproof. Even the painful bits were accounted for and Anthony had made them to be as painless as possible.

And so began the biggest deceit of your life. All things considered, it was good fun. You and Anthony had decided to see each other four times per week, attending a minimum of two balls together and promenading once. Although it had only been a week, you found yourself enjoying the change of pace. You could now attend balls without having to interact with any desperate bachelors vying for your hefty dowry. What's more, Anthony had been bringing you a bouquet after every ball, which served to placate your mother above all else.

Even promenading with Anthony was enjoyable, seeing as the two of you understood each other quite well. It was nothing compared to how deeply Benedict understood you, or how engaging discussions were with him, but Anthony was miles ahead of anyone besides Ben. After only a week of courting, you found yourself better able to think about Benedict without dissolving into a puddle of tears, desperately wondering whether or not he was thinking of you while in the countryside. Your letters to him became less painful and more frequent, as you were able to push through your debilitating love for him and just enjoy speaking about art and literature.

As time went on, you were growing more and more confident that you had made the right decision, especially now that Lady Whistledown had written about your courtship, as Hyacinth had so kindly informed you. Whistledown's words were gospel to the people of polite society, so her mention of the two of you helped cement the validity of your budding relationship. Hopefully both your families would follow the rest of the ton and accept that Anthony, and not Benedict, was the one you were spending the majority of your time with now.

Although you had hoped Alex would help you in this endeavor, he had been unyieldingly silent on the matter. The day after Anthony explained your plan to him at White's, he came into your room and informed you that he knew what you and Anthony were doing. You had expected him to show at least some form of emotion, but he had simply said that he would not stand in your way and walked right out without any further discussion. Even now, a week later, he refused to talk about it with you, immediately changing the subject or just outright leaving the room when the matter of you and Anthony came up in conversation. You were disappointed, feeling like you were living a lie in and out of your home, but you supposed it was for the best. You could sacrifice talking to someone who knew the whole story for the assurance that none of your family would find out the truth. Especially not your mother.

---

As you looked out of your window to the beautiful grounds of Aubrey Hall, your mind couldn't help but drift to Benedict's latest letter. His reply had been short, which was to be expected given that you had asked him to return from the countryside to meet your future husband. Writing the letter had been almost physically painful, but you knew it was necessary. You could only hope that the tears on the paper were not too noticeable once they reached Ben.

After nearly a month of faking a courtship with Anthony, you were much more well-adjusted when it came to talking and thinking about Benedict. But a month was nowhere near long enough to quell the now all-encompassing love you had spent years growing. You didn't think you could ever stop loving Benedict, not entirely anyway. He was your Benedict, and he would be forever. You had grown up so intertwined in one another that he was as much a part of you as you were yourself. The love you felt for him was not a feeling, exactly, but more of a part of your identity. And it was all good and fun until you had to give that up to be with someone else. Though Anthony, bless him, was making it as easy for you as he could. He expected nothing more than what you were willing to give, and you couldn't thank him enough. It had been surprisingly easy to fall into a partnership with him, not feeling the undue stress of having to promptly get over Benedict that you had felt with all of your other suitors.

Your thoughts were interrupted as Theo and Bastian knocked on your door, barging in when you opened the door just a fraction. They ignored your exasperated sigh, opting instead to sit on your bed. Seeing Bastian's shoe-clad feet on your white bedding incited an anger in you that only your brothers knew how to elicit. But your murderous intentions were cut short by Theo's question.

"So, will Benedict be joining us?"

Your heart skipped a beat as you gazed from one twin to the other, trying to gauge the intention of their question. Seeing your anxious eyes, Theo rushed to explain. "We only wanted to check because... you know... yeah," he finished lamely.

"Because what?" you demanded, slightly put off by what they were implying. Thus far, your family had abstained from mentioning Benedict when speaking about your courtship with Anthony. Although they had been visibly shocked by the idea at first, they had now grown used to seeing you with Anthony instead of Benedict and it had become somewhat of the norm. Except perhaps for Cass, who was still young and a hopeful romantic. You knew she secretly still wished that Ben would return from the countryside in some kind of grand romantic gesture that would sweep you off your feet. Unfortunately, you simply couldn't afford to think that way for your sanity. Instead, you ignored her sad looks whenever Anthony sent you a particularly large bouquet of roses. So it came as a little bit of a shock that Theo and Bastian were being so forthright about the subject, showing little to no tact in handling what was a very painful situation for you.

You saw your brothers exchange a panicked look, clearly not expecting your bristling tone. "Because we haven't seen him in a while!" blurted out Bastian.

"Yes, exactly," said Theo, nodding aggressively. "It's just been some time since we last saw Benedict and we're wondering whether you knew if he'll be coming. So we can see him and all. Is he doing alright?"

You sniffed, crossing your arms stiffly and uttering a curt reply, "I see. Well, yes. He will be coming. He should be arriving in a few hours. And yes, he's alright. He's been faring quite well but I think he's coming back to town properly now."

Catching the wide-eyed look they exchanged, you rolled your eyes in annoyance. "And yes! He knows I've been courting someone, which I know was your next question. Though he doesn't know it's Anthony so don't you dare tell him. I will tell him myself once he arrives," you warned them.

"Wouldn't dream of it," assured Theo.

"Sorry about that. Let us know if you need anything," added Bastian.

You hummed. "Thank you very much. Now please get your dirty shoes off my bed or I'm afraid I will have to kill you. And we wouldn't want to make Mother sad over the death of two of her sons, would we?

They stood up off suddenly your bed and straightened up, clearly not having expected this to be such a hostile conversation. But they were glad you had at least cracked a joke, even if the comment threatened their untimely death. They laughed nervously and bid their goodbyes, exiting your room quickly.

A deep sigh escaped your lips as you closed the door after them, placing your forehead against the cool wood. You had most likely overreacted, but you would have to apologize another time. The sinking feeling of anxiety in your stomach took precedence over your brothers right now, as much as it was inconvenient for them.

The earlier flutters in your stomach had turned into giant somersaults, and you felt like you were going to be positively sick. You would have to tell Benedict that you were engaged to Anthony soon since you knew it would be unimaginably cruel to let Ben learn about your courtship to his brother as he was proposing to you.

The easiest thing would be to tell him during one of your nature walks. Whenever you were at Aubrey Hall, you and Benedict went on nature walks around the grounds, where you would often point out familiar flower and plant species, and he would remind you to take in the beautiful landscape. These walks could often last for hours, just the two of you wrapped up in each other's presence. And although it was usually Ben who suggested them, you had planned to ask him on a nature walk tomorrow morning to break the news that Anthony was the man you intended to marry. It would give him ample time and space to process the information, and some precious privacy to sort out any unresolved feelings on both sides.

Yet, the meticulously thought-out plan you had come up with did absolutely nothing to soothe your fears for the actual moment that you would tell him. In all honesty, you had no idea how Benedict would react. You weren't even sure how you wanted him to react. You supposed the best-case scenario would be if he calmly listened and said he understood your choice, and perhaps even thought it a good idea since you would be able to remain close to him. But you couldn't help a very tiny part of you that had previously been locked in the depths of your brain from hoping that Benedict wouldn't react calmly. That he would be impossibly angry. Angry with you, and with Anthony, and with himself. So angry that maybe he would realize that he did love you, after all, however unrealistic that might be.

With a determined exhale, you pushed yourself off the door and started getting ready to go downstairs to Anthony's study. The twins' unexpected inquiry had thrown you off balance, but you couldn't afford to let it linger in your thoughts. Anthony had asked you to stop by once you arrived at Aubrey Hall to iron out the details of his proposal. In less than a week, he would officially be your fiancé, and you had to start figuring out how it would actually happen.

---

As Benedict rode through the picturesque countryside toward Aubrey Hall, the weight of the impending conversation with you settled in his chest. The familiar scenes outside the carriage window, once a source of solace, now seemed to blur as his mind whirred with conflicting emotions. The letter you had sent him requesting his presence at Aubrey Hall so he could meet your future husband lay heavily in his pocket. Ben could barely breathe from the weight of the knowledge that you were so close to being out of his grasp forever.

Reading that letter for the first time had evoked a sharp pain in his chest that he couldn't shake even now, almost a week later. Benedict was beyond nervous to meet whoever you might be marrying, unsure if he would be able to successfully hide his overpowering love for you. However, he couldn't seem to forget the faint tear stains slightly smudging your handwriting of the letter in his pocket. A selfish part of him wished that you might be sad to be marrying this mystery man. That you had settled for someone less worthy and Ben could continue to be confident (if you could call what he was feeling right now confidence) in his decision to forgo a marriage with you. But this fleeting hope was immediately replaced with guilt. You deserved more than an unhappy marriage, even if it meant embracing a future that felt like a cruel twist of fate for Benedict's own heart. Despite the agonizing ache he was feeling, he knew would do this again ten times over if it guaranteed your happiness.

Arriving at Aubrey Hall, Ben dismissed the carriage with a nod of thanks to the driver. With his belongings in tow, he decided to stop by Anthony's study first. His older brother had surely already met your suitor and could perhaps offer some insight so Benedict wasn't entirely blindsided when you officially introduced him.

As Ben approached the door, he caught the sound of your voice, a sweet sound that made him smile wider than he had since he left you. He couldn't help but linger for a moment, enchanted by the familiarity of your tone and wishing he hadn't spent so long away from it.

But his attention sharpened as he overheard your conversation with Anthony. "I think it might be best if it's not a massive surprise to our families, especially Hyacinth. So, would you want to announce our engagement before everyone gets here? Sometime in the coming days? And then you can propose to me properly once all the guests arrive?" he heard you speak.

Benedict's world ground to a halt. The words hung in the air, a revelation that left him stunned. He went numb, pure anger coursing through his veins as he burst open the door and barged into his older brother's study. His eyes, aggressively narrowed into slits, fell on his best friend, sitting at his brother's desk as Anthony leaned against it. Time froze as you and Anthony turned towards him, expressions of shock clear on your faces.

"I beg your pardon?" he spoke, tone low and venomous as he breathed heavily. "What the bloody hell did you just say?"

—

A/N: just wanted to say thank you everyone so much for reading ahhhh I'm so happy to see all of your reactions after every part and I just LOVE YOU okay kisses bye

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[winters-dream]

“You don't have to do this.”

Villain paused mid-speech—mid-stride—and glanced at the hero. Tied up in the corner of Villain’s lair, Hero watched as Villain had gone on a rather long and boastful speech about their plans for the city. Now that they had Hero captured, nothing stood in Villain’s way. They could set the city on fire if they so wished. Hero would be helpless.

They stood in front of the hero, a smirk wearing at their lips as they stared them down. “Of course I do. I want to run this city and now I can.”

Hero shook their head. “No. I meant this,” they said, gesturing towards themself as best as they could with their hands tied behind their back. “These grand gestures, the holding me hostage, the big talk. I can tell it’s mostly just big talk.”

Villain’s smirk faltered slightly. “It’s not just big talk.”

“But it is,” countered Hero. “I’ve been at this a long time. I know a tough facade when I see one. You’re trying to be impressive. To impress me.”

Villain scoffed and turned their head away, shame bubbling deep within their chest. They’d be lying if they said a great bit of this was theatrics to come off as impressive. They did want to be spoken of in high regard. But that didn’t have anything to do with the hero . . . 

Or at least that’s what they told themself.

“You think you have it all figured out?” asked Villain as they struggled to fight the blush that threatened to color their face and neck. The hero’s giggle made Villian look back at them. They expected mockery for being so painfully obvious, ridiculed for catching feelings for the enemy and wanting to impress them. Shame began to kick in tenfold, unwilling to look their nemesis in the eye. 

But what they saw was the opposite. They were greeted with warmth and admiration instead.

“I do,” Hero stated simply. “I’ve noticed the way you glance at me when you think I’m not looking, Like you’re searching for my admiration.”

Villain’s mouth went dry as they let out an audible gulp. 

“But you don't have to do all of this,” Hero continued. “I already think you're amazing.” 

“You do,” Villain asked mutely. It came out as more of a statement. 

Hero nodded. “Of course. I’ve been watching you through our years of being enemies. And I’ve grown fond of the person you’ve become.”

Villain had to look away from the hero; they couldn’t stand the look in their eyes. The same big adoring eyes they gazed at Villain with so many times now. They remembered the first time they noticed that look. The first time Hero and Villain set their work aside and held a real conversation together. Villain had allowed Hero to perceive them as a human being instead of the villain persona they usually wore around them. And vice versa.

Villain liked to think that’s when their initial crush on Hero had solidified. 

“Villain, come here,” beckoned Hero. And Villain listened without a second thought, kneeling before Hero so they were eye to eye. Villain had their eyes cast down to the ground, Hero’s sweet gaze too intimidating to face.

“You don’t love me,” Villain blurted. “You love the idea of me. How smart I am with a computer. My powers, how you could probably use them to overthrow SuperVillain if I switched sides or something. Or how—”

Something landing on his wrist interrupted his speech; Hero’s hand. Hero had managed to undo their own binds. Villain finally met Hero’s eyes, finding that same affection now mixed with a somberness Villain couldn’t quite place.

“Stop measuring your value based on the things you can do for other people,” said Hero. “You’re more than that, and I see it. You don’t need to convince me to love you.”

Villain let out a long breath, tension leaving their shoulders as well. They almost allowed themself to feel relief, a small hint of a smile making way to their lips. 

“You love me,” they said. 

They received a nod in response, and Villain leaned forward. Their forehead found purchase on Hero’s shoulder as Hero held them tightly yet gently. Their hold radiated a warmth that filled a piece of Villain they never knew was missing until now. They allowed themself to relax in Hero’s embrace and feel for the first time, the warmth of real love.

[sleepynoons]

kyoraku x afab!f!reader, sfw, not beta read

cw: manga spoilers

notes: ok, i lied. i am going to post another thing of writing even though i literally have to meet a hard project deadline for work. anyway, i read one (1) blurb on kyoraku by @/sirendancerx like two weeks ago, and my brain has just been thinking about this dude non-stop. this is a mini char study on kyoraku being vulnerable, so angst w/ comfort.

IT'S SUMMER in soul society. you’re sleeping soundly, back turned to him and naked shoulders reflecting the moonlight streaming into the room. somehow, the cherry blossom tree right outside is still blooming, and stray petals have managed to flit in, most likely because you’ve left the shoji wide open. very rarely do you leave the sliding door unclosed, always a little wary of potential danger and unwanted stares, but it seems he’s rubbing off on you as you’ve become more relaxed with each passing day.

you’re clutching onto one of his arms, both of your hands wrapped around his much larger one and holding it right over your heart. it’s adorable, really, how you curl in on yourself and grasp onto him. but he’s also aware that, even in your sleep, you’re worried that he’ll leave, disappear by the morning light and abandon the life the two of you’ve shared, as if it was all just a lucid, transient dream. you’ll make yourself so small so you don’t inconvenience him in any way, so there’s no reason for him to throw you away.

shunsui knows he’s a coward.

he can rationalize all he wants. how it’s absurd that you’re still scared when the two of you’ve been together for years, how there’s no need to be worried because soul society is entering an era of peace, how you’re both adults and should act like it.

but then he’d be a total hypocrite, wouldn’t he?

because he’s the one not acting his age. all these years, and he hasn’t grown up.

in truth, he’d do anything to quell your fears. he’d marry you, retire, devote his entire life to ensuring your happiness. but he can’t bring himself to because there’s always the slightest chance that you’d wind up unhappy with him.

realistically, he can’t relinquish his title and responsibility as the commander of the gotei 13. if there’s anything he’s learned from these long years of battling, it’s that the divisions were too complacent and missed several opportunities to address danger early on. but that means he’d still have to fight, and he wouldn’t want to leave you a widow if he were to die.

but that’s not exactly it. really, his most deep-seated fear is the possibility that you’d fall out of love with him.

how ironic.

you’ve given him so much love, kindness, and care – but you’re no giving tree. and he won’t allow himself to forget that.

if anything, he pities himself. he’s checkmated himself, deadlocked between his own fear of abandonment and his unwillingness to do something about it. at his core, he’s no different from his younger, irresponsible self.

but something nanao told him during their battle against lille barro jolts him out of his wallowing.

is that truly for my sake? she had said to him after he confessed he had withheld her zanpakuto to prevent her from falling victim to the ise household’s curse.

as with you… is it truly for your sake?

he sighs, one of relief, determination, and fondness. he’ll have to treat his niece to a good meal.

he places a chaste kiss on your temple, and you stir.

“shun…,” you mumble, tone drowsy and exhausted.

“it’s still early,” he coos. 

you whine, stretching a little, before turning over so your face is now buried in his chest. 

“why are you still awake?” you grumble. he already knows you’re falling back asleep, with the way you’re breathing deeply again, but he chuckles at your attempt to stay conscious regardless.

he simply runs his fingers over the back of your head, caressing and savoring the closeness of you to him.

one day, he’ll make you the happiest person in the world. and that day doesn’t seem too far off.

[lucywrites02]

The game of cat and spider Chapter 1

Main masterlist ♡ Miguel O'hara masterlist ♡ The game of cat and spider Masterlist ♡ AO3

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 |

A/n: And here I am with my first Miguel fanfic! I can't say how many chapters this story will have because I am still in the middle of planning out this fic. I hope you enjoy it! I am looking forward to reading your feedback :3 I will try my best and update every week

Pairing: Miguel o'hara x black cat! Reader

Word count: 1.8k

Warnings: mention on a wound and blood. There are probably some mistakes since I didn't proofread ups..

Series Summary: You are a criminal and he's a hero. You don't know each other's names, never seen the person behind the mask. You aren't enemies- you are supposed to be but that didn't work out quite well. You liked each other a bit too much, but your relationship was strictly…. Professional? What happens if you meet as normal people, with no masks and responsibilities in your way? What did the universe plan for you? And most importantly…. Will it last?

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

"Here, kitty kitty." The spider-man called, chasing the town's most famous thief- the black cat. You were proud of this title- most wanted criminal in Nueva York. You worked hard to earn that and no person was gonna take that away from you. Especially not a grown us man playing dress-up at night.

It stopped raining hours ago, but the streets were still wet and slippery which meant you had to be really careful. It would be incredibly embarrassing to land on your ass and get your suit wet in front of the town's favourite superhero. Even though it was still summer, the nights got really cold sometimes. Like now. Your suit wasn't made for this kind of weather and if you weren't running you would surely be shivering. The raindrops on windows and the ground reflected the street lights, creating a cozy atmosphere. It was one of the most silent parts of the city- there weren't many cars driving at this hour and people who lived there were already asleep. A typical upper class corner. It was unusual for a metropole like Nueva York to be this quiet, that's why you liked 'working' in this neighbourhood. It was quiet. Almost relaxing. You would probably appreciate your surroundings more if it wasn't for the man in a latex bodysuit running after you.

His costume was soaked after you pushed him into the pool in someone's garden as you were fighting him off of you. The droplets made him shine a little when the light hit him at the right angle.

At first Miguel treated you like any other criminal- you were an obstacle that had to be removed- but you escaped him every damn time. O'hara was beyond furious the first few times it happened. And your flirty comments and constant teasing didn't help at all. That's why he was surprised when he noticed that he started doing that, too at some point. Chasing you became more of a hobby than responsibility and even though Miguel would never say that out loud, he kinda enjoyed it. It's been almost a year since the two of you started that little game of cat and spider and it would be a lie if Miguel said you were an enemy. You were more of a…. Miguel wasn't entirely sure what your relationship was, but you definitely didn't hate each other and even though it's Spider-man's job to capture you, he didn't actually want to do it. But you didn't have to know about that.

"Just give me the necklace back and we can call it a day." The man sighed, pretending to be irritated as you kept running away. The black cat made spider-man's job fun, but the man would never admit it. The 'fights' with you- if Miguel could even call them fights- were different. You were no villain that wanted to take over the town. Neither were you ever going to kill him just because he's spider-man. That's why Miguel actually kinda enjoyed those 'fights'. You were just a thief- a very skillful one, but still. The black cat had a sense of humour that no other person had and Miguel yearned for those interactions. It probably wasn't very hero-like to enjoy talking with a criminal, but O'hara wasn't an ordinary hero. He didn't like doing things by the 'superhero handbook'.

"Ask nicely and maybe I will" you chuckled, climbing over a wired fence. You were distracted by the man and didn't observe your surroundings well. That's why you hissed in pain as one of the wires that was standing out cut the skin on your tight, tearing your suit as well. You had to keep running, but the pain in your leg was slowing you down.

You gasped as you felt strong arms holding your shoulders from behind. Your back collided with Spider-man's broad chest. It made your head spin. Or was it because of the pain?

"Give it back, pretty please." The masked man whispered into your ear. "You will hurt yourself more if you keep running" his deep voice made shivers run down your spine.

"Pff, do you think I'm stupid?" You chuckled, turning your head to the left to get a better look at the masked man. "I worked two weeks to get this, you're not taking it away from me." You heard the spider-man sigh heavily. Your heartbeat quickened its pace and you begged it to stop. Having him touch you so firm, but yet so gentle made your knees buckle and you had enough.

For a moment your eyes met- at least that's what you thought since you couldn't really see his eyes- and you almost melted against his chest. That's when you decided it was too much and that your heart was crossing a line- how dared it make you feel weak and vulnerable?! You kicked the man's leg, taking him by surprise and fled. You heard some Spanish curses thrown your way and giggled. You run, ignoring the stinging sensation and manage to actually lose the hero. Enough adventures for one night.

You patted yourself on the shoulder for a job well done and headed back home. You arrived at an alley behind your apartment complex- that's where you hid a backpack with a simple hoodie and sweatpants. It would be weird if you entered the building as the black cat. You liked risks, but you would never compromise your private life. It was important to keep your secret identity a secret- that was the whole point of the word 'secret'. The neighbours wouldn't be happy to know you're a criminal- they already complained that your cat runs around the apartment complex unsupervised as if that was their biggest concern.

And it wasn't like you were really a criminal! Well, technically you were- stealing is a crime- but it's not like you were doing that for selfish reasons! You almost never keep the money from your heists to yourself. In the eye of the public you are an honourable person- an angel that supports charities, animal shelters and orphanages. They never ask where the money came from- they are simply happy they are getting some support. You still did some petry crime sometimes. Like that one time when some business guy was being rude to a waitress so you stole his wallet. Or that one time where you broke into the house of your best friend's ex boyfriend and stole his watch collection because he cheated on her. The point was that you only stole from bad people. And as everyone knows stealing from the rich is not a crime.

That spider-man guy didn't know about it, of course. You never told him why you are stealing and he didn't really have to know. It was fun to be chased by him- at the very beginning of your journey as the black cat you would always get an adrenaline kick from your robberies. But after a while it wasn't as thrilling anymore… you have gotten too good at cracking safes open and hacking security systems. It became so monotonous and simply not exciting. And then the spider-man came. The masked man made your 'side job' fun again. You got to steal from the rich, give to the poor and get chased by a charismatic hero in a tight latex costume. You never knew when he would appear, meaning you always had to be on your toes. But when he finally showed up, oh boy was it fun. You were worried at first, thinking he was capable enough to capture you, but thankfully you were wrong. The masked man was capable, of course, but not enough to get you. He was definitely a challenge and that's why you were determined to never get caught by him. You were sure that at some point he started enjoying those interactions, too.

You swore under your breath, looking for the keys to your apartment's door in the pockets of your hello kitty themed backpack. The blood coming from your tight soaked into the grey sweatpants you wore over your suit and if one of your nosy neighbours saw you like that you would never hear the end of it. And if they saw the shiny necklace in your bag they would bombard you with questions and gossip about it later. Finally after what felt like eternity you found the keys and with a relieved smile you opened the door. You could still feel his touch on your body…

You were greeted by the loud meowing of your beloved cat, Migsy.

"Yeah, I missed you too, baby" You chuckled, gently patting her head. "I will give you all my love when I patch myself up." You sighed heavily and headed to the bathroom. Your apartment wasn't really big- you had a bathroom, kitchen, living room and a bedroom with a little balcony attached to it. It was enough for you. Determined to make this house a home you spent hours painting the murals on your walls and decorating them with your art and photos. People loved spending time in your apartment- it was so green and fresh because of all the plants scattered across the floor. You always took good care of them and even gave them names. It might have been childish, but it made you happy and that was the only thing that mattered.

You would love nothing but to collapse on your green bubble couch and watch some shitty TV, but you had to take care of yourself first. There was no one else who could do that for you.

The rest of your night was filled with frustrated sobs as you stitched yourself up and the sound of music playing in the background that you put on to calm your nerves. The music didn't help though and you were still a nervous mess. Your head was filled with many thoughts about the man behind the spider-man mask. This little game the two of you played was getting dangerous. You realised it one night after you dreamed about kissing him- you told yourself it was nothing more than a silly crush to make yourself feel better. The man was very attractive after all. At least his body was because you have never seen his face. And that was another one of your problems- you yearned to know who he was behind the mast. Were his eyes brown or green? Did he have dimples when he smiled? Would his lips feel good against yours?

"Meow!" Migsy's cry snapped you out of your daydream.

"Oh, yeah, sorry baby," you apologised, quickly bandaging your wound. "I'm all yours now." You gave your furry roommate a gentle smile and picked her up. "It's time for us to sleep, don't you think?" You talked to the cat and she looked at you with her pretty yellow eyes.

You laid down on your bed, hugging the animal closer you your chest and her soft purring made you relax into the cold pillow.

You fell asleep, hoping that the Spider-man won't visit you in your dreams this time.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ chapter 2 ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Tag list: @serpentstarr @bucketluvr @nxrdamp

[silhouetteonpaper]

The Day You’d Return

Summary: When Wanda leaves for what’s supposed to be a quick mission, she finds herself stranded without any further correspondence. After months pass, what would happen if she returned after all this time? Wanda Maximoff x Reader WC: 1,575 Warnings: None

The Day You’d Return

My partial attempt at getting any sleep is interrupted by murmured voices outside my room. I can’t make out who’s creating the disruption, but they should know better at this hour to quiet down for those trying to sleep in the compound. Key word, trying. Lately, I’ve been overwhelmed with stress while feeling the pressure of becoming something I’m not: a superhero.

The entire team believes in me; in my ability to train and to become this almighty hero that can join them in the field. But the truth is, I don’t know if I’m cut out for this kind of work. The only person who was able to make me even consider the idea was Wanda, and she’s been gone for months now.

It was just supposed to be a run-of-the-mill mission, one she had no doubts of succeeding in. But after a week of hiding out, she began to feel less certain. Steve flew out to meet her, and ended up joining her on the mission. Full contact was cut due to the intensity of whatever they were up to.

I was worried for the first month, but after reassurance from everyone on the team that the pair could handle it, I tried to shake it. Still, the idea of Wanda and Steve both risking their life always made me anxious. Especially because Wanda is like an older sister to me.

She was the one who rescued me from HYDRA, the one who was patient with me while we figured out my powers. The one who sat with me when I cried, when I was scared, when I was unsure of myself. And in the end, I became stronger because of her help.

After she left, and informed us of the mystery regarding her return date, I knew I needed to keep going. I couldn’t stop now, all of my training and progress, even though my biggest supporter was gone. As the weeks passed, I lost all hope that she’d be back anytime soon to see my continued progression. So, I started to slip in my old ways—avoiding training more, dodging everyday responsibilities often.

Now, I don’t know if Wanda would even recognize me, because I’m just the shell of the girl she left behind. Someone who isn’t confident, who doesn’t uphold all the ideals of a true superhero. Because how am I supposed to if there’s no one to show me how?

I try to pull my blankets over my ear to muffle the sound of voices outside, but it seems the conversation is intense. I wonder who could be up at this hour, probably arguing over something trivial like usual. But my thoughts are suspended when the sound of footsteps grows closer to my room, ending in the creaky door to my bedroom opening.

I raise my head from the pillow slightly, trying to make out the figure in the dark lighting. It doesn’t take long for the familiar appearance of red hair to fill my vision, the low glow of the moon offering some assistance in figuring out exactly who this person is.

“Wanda?” I say quietly, unsure if my eyes are deceiving me. Was she really back? After all this time? The figure takes a few weary steps towards me, shutting the door behind her.

“You’ve grown up,” She speaks softly, sitting on my bed. The warm voice alerts me right away that it is in fact Wanda, here in the flesh after so many months.

“I never thought I’d see the day when you’d come back.” I state, looking into her green eyes that I’ve missed so much. Wanda had been gone for so long that I started to doubt she’d ever return. Maybe she’d get killed on that mission, or maybe she’d move on to other work. I didn’t know, but it left me with a feeling of emptiness as I knew I’d never be as important as her work.

“I’m glad I did.” She smiles, putting her hand softly on my cheek. I return the smile, refusing to break my eye contact with her in case she disappears again. I take in her presence, already feeling the underlying relief of having her here with me.

“Are you staying? What happened with the mission?” I ask, the questions rising suddenly and flowing out of me with worry. Would she just up and leave again? I suppose I’m used to it now, what’s another few months? It’s not like she cared too much about me anyway, right?

Wanda chuckled, shaking her head as she removed her hand. “I’m back, for good. The mission… didn’t go as expected. I wouldn’t have agreed to it if it meant camping out there for as long as we did. But I’m here now.” She responded, pressing her lips together, some form of regret showing on her expression. 

I simply nod, unsure how to respond. She wasn’t here when I needed her most. Maybe it’s selfish of me to think that way, she was out there saving the world and all I care about is myself. Would she have rescued me if she knew I’d be like this?

“Hey, what’s going through your mind?” Wanda asks, a slight amount worry overtaking her face as she puts a hand over mine on the blankets. Or maybe, after everything we’ve been through together, she knows me too well.

“You’re the only one who knows the real me.” I voice plainly, shaking the flooding thoughts from my mind. Wanda had a way of making me feel like everything was okay, and right now that’s exactly what I needed. She only furrowed her eyebrows in response, waiting for me to elaborate.

“You’re the one who’s known me the longest, who’s been there since I was that shadow of a girl captured by HYDRA. I’m not a superhero, Wanda.” I explain, looking to the floor for a moment as I collect my thoughts.

“Hey, there’s a reason I didn’t give up on you.” Wanda consoles me, forcing my gaze to meet hers again. I shake my head slowly.

“You left, Wanda. Maybe you didn’t throw your hands up in surrender, but you just up and left for that mission without a word.” I express, my hurt visibly showing. Wanda’s expression softens, and I can tell she understands the hurt I’m feeling.

“I know, but trust me when I say that I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t believe the other people here could take care of you. You’re strong, I knew you could handle yourself while I was gone.” She reasoned, stroking my hand with her thumb. Her words did make me feel slightly better, but the real hurt I was feeling wasn’t entirely caused by her. Sometimes our own beliefs damage us more than others actions.

“I told myself every day you were gone that you didn’t care about me, that I was just the girl you were using for her powers. You didn’t want me, just the idea of me on the team.” I admitted, hearing how terrible my own words sound. I knocked myself down countless times because I knew no one would be there to help me back up. More specifically, Wanda, who knows me better than I know myself sometimes.

“Don’t talk like that, you know that’s not true. Right?” Her voice wavers, nearly unsure if I truly thought she didn’t care about me, or if it was just my self-conscious mind telling me lies. I smiled sadly at the redhead, closing my eyes briefly and nodding my head.

“I know. A part of me won’t ever be able to shake the idea that I’ll always be unwanted. That I’ll always be that powerless little girl captured by HYDRA.” I say, thinking deep down how I truly feel. Like the cowering girl who had no control over her life, because the terrorizing organization just wanted to use her for her powers.

Things are different now, and it’s not like I’m forced to be a superhero. I just feel like I can’t let down that little girl who wanted freedom, power, and control so bad. I need to use what I have now to make her proud, to make everyone proud.

“You understand that I want you here, we want you here, no matter what. Regardless if you want to fight as an Avenger, or just live under our roof. You will always be wanted here.” Wanda expresses, giving me an endearing smile. I nod, more convinced at her words now. Sometimes, all you need is a supportive friend.

“I love you.” I say softly, now more than ever glad to have the redhead before me as a support.

“I love you too.” She responds, kissing me on the forehead before hugging me tightly. We sit in the silence for a moment, glad to be in each other’s presence.

“Wanda?” I ask as she releases the embrace, preparing to stand from my bed. Her eyebrows perk up, waiting for my question. “Can you stay? Just for tonight. I can’t bear the thought of you leaving again.”

Wanda simply smiles, walking over to the other side of my bed. Tonight, in the glow of the moonlight, I feel safe. I feel loved. And I feel fulfilled by those around me who want me here. And maybe, surrounded by the people that support me, I can be an even better Avenger than I was before.

[ye4gerism]

𝑨𝑳𝑳 𝑰𝑺 𝑭𝑨𝑰𝑹 𝑰𝑵 𝑳𝑶𝑽𝑬 𝑨𝑵𝑫 𝑾𝑨𝑹 - 𝐉𝐄𝐀𝐍 𝐊𝐈𝐑𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐈𝐍 𝐗 𝐁𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑 part two!

word count 2.6k

content warning smut (they’re getting IN TO IT)

author’s note guys don’t laugh at me seriously. enjoy the little mature scene you got 😭 also thank you for the reposts and likes on the first post! update: part 3

synopsis after the rumbling, you found yourself on your feet in your home town. you have a completely new life - you’re watching your country be built again and now you have a partner! what happens when a man from your past reaches out to you via letter?

Winter 858

Mister Ambassador,

Thank you so much for the job opportunity. My wife had told me about, you, a friend she had made before the Rumbling. Thank you for reaching out to her. Considering my previous line of work, I did hear a little bit about Paradis and their efforts from other Hizuran diplomats. We should connect personally some time.

I am interested in diplomat work but I'm worried about leaving Anahg. As time has gone on, we've grown at steady rate; with hardworking people and Hizuru's funds and service, we've been able to get up on our feet. There's still a lot of ways to go but we're getting there. My problem is turning my back on these people. I'm not even from here but yet they've found their trust in me as a leader.  It'd be a bad look if I packed up and left, especially because the people of Anahg know of my love for the world. And I can't just leave my wife or move her again. She's been far away from Anahg and now she's finally home and we just got married. I'm honestly surprised that she pitched this offer to me.

I can't say yes to a new job right now, I'm sorry. But if you and the Alliance would like to visit Anahg, that'd be wonderful. Maybe we can build a partnership.

Thank you again,

Sebas Abe

Mr. Abe,

No, thank you for reaching out to me. Your wife has presented you as an amazing candidate and from asking around my Hizuran colleagues, I can tell they trust you too from how their eyes lit up from the mention of your name. I'd definitely be interested in connecting with you even if you can't take the job and I think I can work something out if you're interested in having the Alliance come to you.

I'm most definitely interested in visiting you, your wife, and Anahg.

I'll write again soon,

Jean Kirstein, Peace Ambassador

Dearest Jean,

My my, what a negotiator you are. Sebas was over the moon about your response today, as you already know. I'm also very excited. I'm interested in seeing you and touching you again. Are you still as handsome as you were a few years ago?

Are you for sure bringing more people with you? I want to see if I can get a moment alone with you. I feel that it might be impossible considering you're the one pitching this trip and it'd be inappropriate for you to disappear for a few hours. But we'll see.

If you were to visit, how long would you stay?

Missing you,

Y/N

Y/N,

I still feel handsome. I am worried though...I haven't done anything since you. It's really been me and my alone time, so I hope you aren't disappointed when I arrive. I can't wait to see you; I bet you're even more beautiful now.

I'd like to bring my friends from Paradis who established the Alliance but I'm worried they all won't be able to come with our situation with New Marley and Mainland Marley. It's either I bring a few of us and stay for a few weeks or even days or we wait a very long time as we have a few more places to visit before we can hit the Southern Regions.

In the past, and because of how recent the Rumbling was, I and multiple others have spent at least two years in New Marley and Mainland Marley. I've managed to come home because of my mother or because of holidays that have been planned previously. I know a few people love to stay for the entire period.

Jean Kirstein

Jean,

Don't worry, I'll get you up to speed. I'm very experienced now!

Bring as many as you can. Or just you. I doubt Sebas will have you running all over the place if it's just you. Also, why not ask some individuals from Hizuru? They'd love to visit him, no?

I'd do anything to see you every few days every month. I can't wait for years. I might even have to come to Paradis myself.

I need you. I need your air. He doesn't satisfy me. He doesn't leave me thinking about his performance for years, not even seconds. I'm always thinking about you; replacing his face with yours. I always have to stop myself from crying out your name. I only get the chance to when I'm alone.

Y/N

Darling,

From now on, I don't want to hear anything about you and him. I totally forgot that activity was a part of your marriage. Don't remind me.

As soon as I read your letter, I started talking to the others. Some of us have agreed to visit Anahg for a few days. I will write to your husband. Act as if you don't know. I will be seeing you soon, darling.

When I'm there, I'll take you. I'll give you the time you deserve. I'll perform for you. Just wait and keep me in mind.

Love,

Jean Kirstein

Spring 858

Dear Mr. Ambassador,

We're all excited about your arrival this upcoming week. I understand that a native, Onyankopon, is coming with you. I am eager to speak with him and so is my wife.

We have set up spaces for you and your colleagues and we will let you know once you arrive. You, however, will be staying with my wife and I.

I am so pleased with this visit. I hope we can make some progress.

Thank you,

Sebas Abe

Summer 858

The minute the Paradian Alliance members stepped foot within Anahg they were hit with humidity. Although they had lived on an island for most of their lives, the heat and humidity were nothing like Paradis. Regardless of the humidity, Jean was looking forward to his time here. He was going to take off his clothes anyway; the sooner the better.

Along with Jean came Onyankopon, Armin, and Connie. Considering that Libero was their home, Reiner, Annie, and Pieck stayed behind with others to finish negotiations in both Marleyian nations. The quartet in Anahg was greeted by a group of Anahgians who, by horse, led them to the Abe residence. The home wasn't as majestic as it sounded but it looked live-able and comfortable.

Onyankopon thanks the individuals who helped in their shared language and the four walk up to the front door. Jean is feeling jittery; not only is he worried about being caught but he doesn't know how he's going to react once he sees you. The last time you saw each other, he was leaving and he didn't dare to look you in the eye. After learning what you had been through during the Rumbling, he felt responsible. He could have just told you the truth and you could have gone home. But had you gone home, would you have been killed?

His thoughts dissolved once the front door opened and he was met by a woman. Her skin was melanated, her hair coily, and her face absolutely beautiful. Jean's eyes widen and his mouth parts. She's looking up at him with the same look on her face.

"Y/N," he breathes. Instinctively, you find yourself wrapping your arms around his torso. Jean takes this as an opportunity to bow his head and take in your air. If only he could kiss you. The moment feels like it could last forever.

"Mr. Kirstein." The two move away from each other like two positive magnets. Sebas enters. He shakes the Alliance's hands one by one and reaches Jean last. You move back, eyes still on Jean, missing the touch of his torso, longing to be attached to him once more. Sebas's handshake with Jean is firm. "I'm so glad to finally meet you. Let's head inside." Sebas looks back at you, his wife. "Do you think you could get our guest something to drink?" Your eyes flicker over at Sebas and you almost forget how to speak. "Uh, uh...yeah."

You all begin to enter the home. It's still developing its story; The living room was a light shade of brown, full of seating and some plants. "You can wait here. I have tea, water, wine..." you start," The tea and water will take a while-" Sebas cuts in, "It's a little too early for wine don't you think? Just get them the tea and water." You nod but once you're about to walk off, Jean opens his mouth. "I'll actually take some wine. I know it's a diplomatic visit...kind of but..." He looks over at Armin sheepishly. Armin refuses to look at him but then sighs and shakes his head looking down. Trying to hold back a chuckle, he mutters, "You're ridiculous." Sebas looks over at you once more, "Just go ahead and get the wine." You look at Sebas, then Jean, and finally take your exit.

"I guess we can relax tonight. You all just got here, so I don't mind a little drinking. Just not too much though because I know all of you will be placed somewhere else and we want to make a good impression on your hosts. Throughout the next few days, I'll show you around," Sebas explains.

You return with two bottles and five glasses. Everyone thanks you verbally but Jean says nothing. His eyes only stay on you.

After many introductions and drinking, Sebas had gone out with Onyankopon, Armin, and Connie to show them where they'd be sleeping for the next few days, leaving you with Jean. He had gone to the guest room to put his stuff down. You were in the kitchen, trying to figure out the plan for dinner. Coming up with something was much harder now with technology being very wonky these past few years and it didn't help that she didn't know what Jean wanted.

You turned around, ready to call him downstairs but there he was leaning on the doorframe of the kitchen. "Jean," you breathe. He starts walking towards you, steps getting faster and bigger each time until he has one hand on your neck and the other on your back. Your lips meet his, desperate for him. Jean lifts you and places you on the counter. He pushes your legs back and lowers himself. Jean pushes your underwear aside to get a look at your core. You were getting wetter and needier by the moment. "Jean..." you mewled. Jean looks up at you. "Be patient, baby. I'm just getting a good look at you." You whine at his words, clearly growing impatient. Your aching and yearning dissolved once you felt his tongue running over your slit. Your body trembles in excitement, unsure on how to work itself. He laps at your cunt but then stops remembering you were both on a time limit. He comes up and kisses you a few more times.

"I need you desperately," you whisper, placing your forehead on his. Jean kisses your nose then proceeds to unbuckle and pull down his pants. "I'll make it quick." He strokes himself up and down against you before applying pressure. Naturally, you take him in. Jean grabs at your side, letting out a pained sigh before setting a pace. You immediately grab onto his cheek and bring him in for another quick kiss.

By the minute his pace picks up and you're so close! You start to gasp, ready to release when Jean suddenly stops. He gives you a panicked look - the front door is opening. He pulls out of you and bends over to pull his pants up and get situated. You get off the counter with slightly shaky legs from the experience and the anxiety of Sebas on his way.

"Do you have a towel or-" Jean cuts himself off once he grabs a rag and wipes the part of the counter where they partially did the deed off. He shoves it in your hand unsure of what to do with it. Both of your faces are flushed, unsure of if Sebas will crack the code on day one.

He walks in, smiling, then it drops. "You haven't made dinner, yet?" he asks. You're using the counter to support you. "I-I-" You don't stutter because you're nervous but because you still have Jean on your mind. One moment, he had you feeling euphoric and now he has you trembling from his force. You look over at him. "It's my fault. She called me over to talk about it and we ended up having a conversation about my life in Paradis and what we've been up to these past years. I totally forgot I was hungry," Jean replies quickly. He looks at you; you tell them thank you with your eyes.

"Mr. Kirstein, are you ok? You seem a little hot...out of breath almost?" Jean's eyes widened like he was about to shit a ton of bricks. "Is it the heat?" Jean coughs. "I think so. Sorry...Paradian summers are a bit lighter than Anahg's." Sebas's hands clasp together. "That's alright, let's sit down in the living room and relax." Jean nods and leaves immediately, feeling sheepish.

Sebas doesn't immediately follow and instead turns to you. "Make something," he says sternly, "Cereal, oatmeal, something! It's getting late." You bow your head in embarrassment. If you only had Jean a little longer.

Fall 858

Y/N,

I apologize for leaving you high and dry during our visit. Your husband is very passionate about Anahg and it's progress and from my point of view, a lot of work has to be done. My work mind turned on immediately and my focus was on the individuals that needed help. I'm sorry.

I had to get myself off so many times at the thought of you in so many different places during that trip. I wish we had more time to sneak off. I was either with Sebas or you were. I wish you could have been in the guest room with me but that would have been very suspicious. I wish we had more time together, so I could really give you a good welcome back.

Well, at least I got to see your face. You're beautiful. I think the sun in Anahg has done you a favor; you have this insane glow to you. And your hair is pretty. I'm just afraid to pull on it though.

Y/N, I want to ask you something, if it's not too inappropriate. Why is Sebas always talking to you that way? He's not cruel but his tone isn't kind either. Based on his positive tone in his letters and in person, I'm unsure about what exactly I witnessed.

Love,

Jean

My Dearest, Jean,

I’m starting to see your point about mentioning Sebas and our activities in our letters. But I find that calling him Sebas doesn’t make things easier. Let’s call him…Him.

Yes, I share your frustration. I couldn’t even satisfy myself. I need you physically. I wish he had given us more time to catch up; he knows of our friendship.

You’re equally as handsome, Jean. I find myself heating up at the thought of you…and a little jealous when I hear other women talk about the visit. I wish Him was as thoughtful as you are; he doesn’t bother asking about pulling my hair.

Him…well, he was sweet in the beginning - so I feel like the stress is getting to him. I understand. There’s been so much because of what your friend did. We’re losing our patience and missing our past lives. We just need a little patience and time. He can be kind sometimes.

Missing and yearning for you,

Y/N

[bellarkeselection]

Hey I was woundering when you ha e time could you do a tyrion short where he stops y/n wedding cuz she finds out he was alive and the run away to the drogan queen

My Dragon Savor

Tyrion was surprised when one of the Dragon Queens men appeared at his chamber door that early morning and presented him with a scroll that had the Lannister lion sigil engraved on the envelope. He tore opened the letter and began reading over the words perfectly printed on the paper that he could almost assume belonged to Sansa who was alive and had gone off to wed his brother Jaime after he killed his father. 

‘Dear Tyrion, I am sending this letter to you to inform you that my sister is being wed off to Ramsey Bolton who now holds Winterfell. I know that you and her were supposed to wed one another until your father wed Jaime and I off together. Hopefully this letter reaches you - Sansa.’ 

The dwarf got up from his desk, letter in hand and walked out of his chambers to the Queens. His feet went as fast as they possibly could before he kicked open her door seeing Dany sitting at the window of Dragonstone castle watching the sky. “My queen, I have an urgent favor to ask of you.” 

“What is this urgent favor?” She asked her Hand. 

He shook his head no, folding the letter that was still in his hands. “I know that you have your cause of gaining the Iron Throne. But I am coming to ask if you could help me go stop a wedding at Winterfell.”

“What wedding is so important in Winterfell?” Dany questioned him for more details. 

He slumped his shoulders. “I need to stop the wedding. Someone from my past is going to be forced to wed a very dangerous man. I am asking for your help to prevent this fate.”

“Could this person help me achieve my goal?” Daenerys rose to her feet. 

Tyrion stepped closer to her, lifting his green eyes up to hers. “The oldest daughter of the former Lord and Lady Stark is married to my older brother. Which means that now Winterfell and the loyalty of the North belongs to their second daughter Y/n. If you help me stop the arrangement then she can put one of the seven kingdoms instantly on your side.”

“Can you ride on Dragonback?” Dany asked him walking past the dwarf. 

He made a confused expression not expecting the response from her. “So you’ll help me if I can ride on Dragonback. I have barely ever ridden a horse.” 

“Is this Stark worth the risk? I have risked everything that I have to follow my destiny and I haven’t questioned if it was worth it. That is the question you need to answer for yourself.” The mother of dragons waits for his response. 

Tyrion sucked in a breath building up what courage he could. “For Y/n’s happiness putting my life at risk is worth seeing her safe.” The pair left the room and made their way to one of her dragons preparing to go to Winterfell. 

Y/n’s pov

The double doors that would lead out to the Godswoods opened before my eyes. I was dressed in a gray long dress and one of my former brown fur cloaks that my mother had made for me. My hair was loose except for two strands that were pinned back with a clip. A Stark guard escorted me towards the red tree and the man I despised not as much as Cersei but he was on my list, Ramsey Bolton. “Who comes before the old gods this night?” 

Theon who was standing beside me answers. “Y/n of the House Stark comes here to be wed. A woman grown, trueborn and noble. She comes to beg the blessings of the gods. Who comes to claim her?”

“Ramsay of House Bolton. Heir to the Dreadfort and Winterfell.” The annoying young bastard replied. 

“Lady Y/n, will you take this man?” The minister asked me. 

Clasping my hands together I desperately wanted to run but I knew it wouldn't lead to anything good. “I…” 

“No she doesn't.” Whipping my head up into the dark skyline I recognized the voice of Tyrion but I couldn't see him until a large creature with wings dropped down right behind the four of us. The dwarf man dismounted with a woman that had almost white hair who remained standing by what I assumed must have been a dragon. 

I ran towards him not caring what might happen to me. “Tyrion!” Dropping to my knees in the snow I embrace him in a hug of relief and messy tears. The level of emotions I feel seeing him right now are almost undetectable at this point. I had assumed more than anything else that he was dead. That I would never see him again in my life, but here he was alive and well.

“”What are you doing here, dwarf? You and interrupting my wedding to Lady Y/n.” Ramsey scowled at our embrace looking at Theon to make a move and do something. 

Tyrion ignored the bastard lord behind us. All his mind could process was that he was holding me in his arms after so long apart. He didn’t care how powerful Ramsey thought he was in this moment for nothing could compete with a dragon. “I am here to take Lady Y/n away from you, bastard.” Tyrion separated from me and I rose to my feet, never removing my hand from his. 

“How dare you. I am the Lord of Winterfell.” Ramsey challenged him. 

The woman with white hair tied in braids stepped away from her dragon who blew its breath in our direction. She walked right past us and stared down at the bastard before delivering the most powerful declaration I had ever heard. “I am Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, of the blood of old Valuria. I am the dragon’s daughter.”

“That doesn’t mean anything to me. Y/n, come here now!” He spat in my direction. 

Tyrion and I shared the same look and he could see the discomfort in my gaze. “You don’t have to go with him. She’ll set things right…for me.” He squeezed my hand looking to the queen he had sworn to, she would handle him wherever she saw fit. 

“Has he hurt you, Lady Y/n?” The woman asked me. 

I shook my head no but gave her a verbal answer with it. “I’ve seen what he does to people he gets tired of. He lets his dogs eat them and I fear him may do such a thing to me one day if I can’t provide an heir.” 

“What shall we do with him?” She asked me a second time. 

Tyrion lifted his gaze to her. “His father will come after you. I suggest we send a message that shows we man business but not with blood.”

“Fire does not seem fair for him.” She agreed, eyeing me. “You should decide his fate.” 

“You don’t have to kill him, Y/n. We can lock him up and send a message to his father that way or we don't have to send a message at all.” Tyrion turns to me, taking both of my hands in his. 

I slumped my shoulders remembering how he had tried to touch me. The thought of what he did to members of Winterfell. I knew of violence and my father would say mercy if they deserved it. “Tyrion, I haven't been violent to anyone. But he deserves it…his family helped to kill mine.” 

“As did mine, dear.” He reminded me in defeat. 

Moving one hand to his face I sent him a smile. “You aren't like your father and sister.” 

“Okay then I'll give her the word.” He nodded seeing the mother of dragons waiting for our response. He didn’t like encouraging her to do violent things but for the sake of what Y/n felt he would bend what his opinion would be if he had lived through what she had since she had left her former home. “Use what you wish, my queen.”

Daenerys nodded her head in agreement uttering a word seconds after Tyrion had instructed me, the priest and Theon to get behind her dragon. “Dracarys.” Ramsey went up in flames by her dragon's fire and to my surprise I didn’t scream in terror. 

“I can;’t believe you’re alive, Tyrion.” I admitted hugging him once more, not bothering to care about my dress being dirty by the snow. 

He cupped my face in his hands, declaring to me with a kiss. “I’m done waiting to tell you this. I love you. I want you to be my wife, Y/n Stark.”

“I’ll gladly marry you, Tyrion Lannister. Now and always.” I kissed him back and that night we were wed under the Godswood tree together with the mother of dragons being my savior. 

Comments really appreciated

[spydergaz]

⋆⭒˚.⋆ not a lot, just forever.

🍂📀🍁

word count : 654

cw: fluff, no actual pronouns used, peter is awkward as hell, idk your vibe, but it’s a good one, peter is a cranberries fan.

a/n: i haven’t properly written something in forever :/ but i’m trying i swear lol. i was also listening to Adrianne Lenker while writing this so that may have influenced this a bit.

the leaves crunch under your converses as you walk, your arms swinging loosely by your sides as you wave your hands in the breeze. you’re walking across campus to your next class, a routine you've grown fond of due to the simplicity of it all. you consider yourself a simple person, you enjoy small things like rocks and the sound of the river that flows under the bridge of your campus.

you’re also noticeably quiet, so much so that your teachers have stopped trying to get you to participate in group discussions. you don’t mind though, you’re content being by yourself.

and so is peter. he’s just as quiet as you, he always has headphones on. you can faintly hear his music, you like the fact that he likes the cranberries, you do too. but he tends to sit away from you, he doesn’t hate you, how could he? the way you skip around campus, the way you collect and paint rocks, the way you sit by the river, the way you’re so freely yourself.

his crush on you is something you’re oblivious too, and he’s too scared to even look at you. he’s read so many books on nature related topics that he might turn into a walking weed, he’s replayed a conversation with you in his head so much he could write a script about it. he wants to ask you to get coffee, he’s seen you sip coffee once or twice, maybe he’ll ask you to see a movie?

he knows you like superheroes, he sees the superman pin on your tote bag. but talking to you seems like his kryptonite, like he’ll die if he tries.

but today he’ll try, he’ll try and push past that fear and talk to you.

~

it’s the afternoon, you’re sitting on a bench and quietly sketching the trees in front of you. your foot lightly tapping on the grass to your music that plays softly in your headphones.

he feels like he’s being creepy, holding flowers for a person who doesn’t even know him. but he sighs and walks up to you, cringing at himself as he taps your shoulder.

“hi uhm, i’m not trying to be creepy but-“ he’s cut off by your eyes peering into his, he feels so small when you look at him with those pretty eyes.

“are those flowers?”

“for you.”

“me..?” you smile as he hands them to you, they’re some sunflowers, they’re fake, but the gesture is nice anyways. “the real ones are super expensive and uh-“

you shake your head and look up at him again. “i get it, it’s okay.” he nervously laughs, mindlessly fidgeting with his fingers.

“could i ask your name?” you reply with your name and he smiles, smiles that you trust him enough already for that. “i’m peter parker, i promise i’m a lot more composed usually.”

you laugh at the self deprecating joke.

“i’ve seen you in class.”

“well i don’t tend to turn invisible, i’ve seen you too. which is why i’m giving you flowers.”

you smile, you appreciate how nice he is and how awkward he is too. “i was- am asking you out by the way, if you’re… interested?” you nod, laughing a bit.

“well don’t laugh at me, i’m trying!” his voice is mockingly whiny as he laughs with you. “but you’re like.. okay with going on a date?” you nod again, stifling your laughter for his sake.

“how does a cafe sound?”

“i like the sound of that, I’m always in a mood for coffee.”

“when do you… wanna go?”

“tomorrow? after class?”

“holy shi- uh- yeah that’s okay.” and with that he stands there awkwardly before clearing his throat and nodding, sighing of relief. “yeah i’ll see you tomorrow! uh, i’ve gotta bounce.” you nod in response and wave him goodbye as he runs off, you can practically hear the smile in his voice.

© spydergaz.tumblr please don't claim my work as your own, copy it, or put it on different websites without my consent. Translations are welcome if you do not post them. ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

[laura1633]

(sorry lando fans, look away)

i need to say this just in addition to a recent ask, but i always, always knew that lando would not keep up with being friends with max as soon as they‘d battle on track. like, always. i don‘t want to say he‘s a fake friend per se, but lando never seemed to see max as much of a friend as max sees and likes lando as a friend. it‘s been pretty obvious to me. they have their first „fall-out“ on track and lando goes running to the media to bash max when he knows how max is treated by the media, british media especially. max was and is much more mature in this approach regarding everything. lando straight up acts immature most of the time. his persistens comments lately about „he should have won instead“ after races….boy, you won once. uhm. get your head back on the ground. i have nothing against confidence, but with lando it often seems like loud arrogance rather than calm confidence, like max exudes for example.

maybe they‘ll talk and cool down but IMO (!) lando is not the friend to max that max seems to think he is. maybe this opened his eyes though

also absolutely agree with everything you said under the cut of that ask, laura!

Hi anon

I do think you have touched on the thing that disappointed me most about yesterday. I'll respond under the cut again so people can ignore if they want. I think this is the last ask I have about the subject so I will then resume to the normal service of me posting insane (mostly nsfw) fan fiction ideas and random pics of Max and Charles 😂

I have always given Lando a lot of leeway with some of the things he says because I feel like he is quite harsh on himself so when he says "I should have won" I read it along the lines of him admitting he messed up and should have won.

I also have never really commented on Max and Lando's in real life relationship because I don't know anything other than the surface level stuff we see online and it's none of my business. I personally didn't like the way Lando was so openly dismissive of Max's friendship but they are both grown adults who know their relationship better than anyone else so if they are happy with it then fine.

However, I completely agree with what you have said about how Lando spoke to the press yesterday. It is blatantly obvious to everyone in that paddock that Max has had to face a lot of booing at races and a hell of a lot of negativity both online and directly from the media. As a friend I can't see how Lando would want to fuel all of that. It felt to me like he just threw Max to the wolves yesterday and was happy for them to do their worst.

I do understand adrenaline and being angry after a DNF but when you are meant to be "friends" I feel like you should at least try and calm the situation and talk privately first rather than saying inflammatory things. Maybe Lando and Max just aren't that friendly or maybe it was immaturity on Lando's part.

It really hit a nerve with me because I hate the "Max is the bad guy" narrative that gets pushed (and that Lando will be well aware of). As Max gave a more dignified response I feel like the narrative is now being led by Lando's statements about how it was all Max's fault. Honestly it made me a little sad to see Max's reaction to hearing what Lando had said, he deserves better in my opinion.

I guess I am not going to go around bashing Lando going forward as what is done is done and we will just have to see what happens going forward.

I don't think I'll be writing any Lando fanfics going forward though 😂

[alexa-nowak]

One of my old texts from YouTube arguments about Astarion endings

I am not that invested in this discourse nowadays because I lost hope to change anyone's opinion and also, I am simply tired from dealing with toxic bs that I am getting as a response to some of my old comments on YT to this day. My favourites are those who will reply to my every comment to say how delulu I am and I probably just dreaming about being in a toxic relationships myself, while being unable to understand that people have their own ways to heal through art and that throwing poison on people like that is not helpful at all.

I will leave it there and funny enough, I am not even so much of AA fan, I just don't like people being ignorant and rude.

And I like writing essays, so here it is.

So, what this dark romance fantasy is about for me personally,(even though i prefer spawn romance, i absolutely understand the appeal of A!Astarion because honestly, i was all about this kind of romance during my childhood and teenage years, hardocore the Phantom of the Opera girl is here, inside your head 💀), and why it's also healing route for some players,and no, it's not about kinky vampiric banging.

1)A lot of people feel extremely worthless and insecure, lonely, like no one really cares for them at all. It's a very deep wound that hurts and it's difficult to overcome even in perfectly loving, healthy and supportive relationship with a good partner,and even with therapy. So fantasy about a vampire, being obsessed with you so much that he is ready to do absolutely anything just to be with you for forever is really comforting. Also,you don't have to think too much about your imperfections, because for him you like a center of his vampire heart.

Besides, you sympathise with him - it's like a selfcomfort mirror, i love this monster despite everything, so in a way, i accept myself despite any flaws i see in me.

2) Safety. When the world around you feel like a wilderness, full of monsters, it feels like only the most terrifying loving monster can protect you from it. He is powerful and protective, and i am so precious to him, that he will set the world on fire just so i would be safe.

3) Responsibility. As you may see, this kind of relationship have daddy issues vibes and codependency, and in real life, you can't just fully submit safely to anyone, I don't think i have to explain why it's a dangerous idea to seek this kind of relationships in real life. You have to stay a grown up independent person and seek safety for yourself without expecting someone to come and heal all your wounds. But this is fantasy, so finally you can use this as a comfort fantasy with no fear about being taking advantage of, without shame to be called childish and etc.

4) Independence. Spawn ending is very terrifying for anyone who has issues with feeling safe and independent, because some of us prefer violent power fantasies over "we have each other and that's all that matters", second of all, this ending also has some shady co-dependency undertone to it that can be triggering for some people. I love Spawn Astarion a little bit more more than Asc and yet my heart stayed absolutely broken after running away from the sun scene, and i hate that he is so dependent on Tav. Larian owes me some emotional refund after this.

5)SA trauma: it wasn't even seen as a possibility for healing way by writer, but it is for some.Asc Astarion feels like he is the most powerful creature in the world,and he is fully controlling everything that happens between him and Tav,so finally, it's a kind of situation where there is no chance of him being abused again. It's one of the reasons why some people become Doms in BDSM dynamic relationships: finally, full control of the process and a partner, who trusts then enough to fully submit, trust issues is also big deal in Astarion story of healing. I find idea that that only Subs can enjoy Asc Astarion a little bit naive. Because,well, some news for you: Doms like it too because they understand why he is so eager to be a top

Unrealistic, not the healthiest way? Probably! But this man and this love is not real anyway.

Yes, i think many of us, especially folks who went through therapy and a lot of self reflecting are already aware that it's basically romanticized version of narcissistic obsession and in real life this is creepy, but it's not real, it's a fantasy. People use BDSM to heal, romance books and all other forms of art to deal with their inner demons and it's absolutely normal. Even if someone is blind to see what is wrong with Asc Astarion, I highly doubt that toxic bucket of shame and aggression are able to help see anyone problematic side of things. Do you know who is usually up to romanticize toxic dynamic in romance? Victims of abuse. In real life, if you just scream and yell at any poor girl/boy/whatever about how stupid they are for believing that their abusive partner really loves them, people will either break down and cry or tell you to f#ck off and they will have every right to do so, but they won't see what's wrong with their partner,in whom quite often victims of abuse see their only source of love and safety in life.

Hells, I am so sick and tired from this "white cloak knight saviour from cycle of abuse" toxic flood in this fandom. If you really want to educate people - do it with extreme care and compassion. Real life healing is not working like it's with Astarion in the game,few right dialogs and boom, dude is on the right path.

It takes enormous amount of patience and love, be kind to one another, and stay safe, darlings. Being toxic on Asc fans you are not helping anyone, you just hitting your superiority complex button in your ass.

[dearest-painter]

I’ll die before I let you get harm! PT.2

Summary: Y/N has deeply missed their friends oh so much but their all busy with their own lives so they cannot say much. Soon Y/N meets Miles again but he seems terrified and scared which breaks their heart, they make sure that miles is safe from everyone…even if those people are obsessed with them.

TW/CW:Yandere behavior, unhealthy behavior, unhealthy relationship,abusive behavior,abusive relationship,Reader is Spider-Noir,Reader is hinted to be in a relationship with Miguel(bc im simping for him) but it’s never really said out loud,Reader talks to themselves,very out of character characters,this is a series,Reader knows about colors now,Reader doesn’t really like the spider society,people might be out of character,tell me if I need to add more

Currently you stole a watch for Miles’s as you two hid out in your universe. You lend him some clothes but they ended up being to big but he didn’t mind, as long as he was safe. “I’m so sorry this is happening to you kiddo…you don’t deserve it, your a good person and your one hell of a spider-man. The fact Miguel, a grown ass man, is coming after you a teenager who didn’t ask to be Spider-Man is fucking insane” you sighed as you ran a hand down your face, you knew Miguel can be extreme but not to this point..you’ve never seen it get this bad.

“Hey it’s not your fault Y/N, no need to apologize. It’s Miguel’s fault, he’s the one fucking scarring me” You chuckle a bit, Miles smiled hearing you chuckled. He loved hearing you chuckle as it made him very happy to know your happy as you were another parental figure to him. “Miles I want you to stay on guard at all time, we’re going back to HQ because there’s a machine to send you home” Miles nodded his head as you two went to HQ. You both were very stealthy as you walked.

“Y/N What are you doing with the anomaly!?” You turned around while putting Miles behind you, Miguel will have to fucking kill You to get Miles. “First of all, this ‘anomaly’ is Miles morales aka the toughest Spider-Man I know, two I’m sending him home. I’m not letting you harm him Miguel, his universe needs him” “HE WASNT SUPPOSED TO BE SPIDER-MAN! HE’S A MISTAKE!” “SO AM I! I WASNT SUPPOSED TO HE SPIDER-MAN/WOMEN! IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY BEST FRIEND BUT YOUR NOT CALLING ME A MISTAKE! SO SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Miles has never seen you this pissed off.

Miguel knew that you were right, originally you were never supposed to be the vigilante but yet you became it…he wishes you weren’t right or protecting Miles. “So why is it you hate him Miguel? Why?” You held Miles as you tried calming down. Miles was nervous as Miguel’s anger and rage was very visible but his fangs added more terror to him. “Y/N…your not involved so move befor-“ “No. I’m not moving, Miles is MY responsibility while he’s here and I’m responsible of making sure he stays alive. He’s going to save his dad”

All of a sudden a hammer hit Miguel’s head and you two ran, Miles was holding in a chuckle but you were laughing as Porker joined you two. “Nice hit!” “Aye you know me! Can’t let my friends be hurt, now let’s get you home Miles!” “Just like old times?” You and Porker nodded as you both remember when Miles got you all home safely…now it’s time to repay the favor. “Just like old times…NOW RUN FASTER! FUCKERS ON ALL FOURS!” “SHIT THATS TERRIFYING!” You took out a something that wasn’t of any use to you and threw it at Miguel which hit square in his face making you three chuckle.

Who knew running away from danger could be this much fun! It felt so amazing! You felt alive! You felt everything before leaving Miles! You felt at home! You were home or with people you can call home now!

[thenightfolknetwork]

I am an antichrist.

The Real thing, born to a seventh virgin daughter after her soul was consumed by my father, Satan, in a ritual of fire, glory and light.

I was raised as instructed by The Book— Don't ask which Book, you don't want to know, the knowledge would melt your eardrums— to be the destroyer of the world, the prince of sins and the devourer of souls. I am the One Who Will Bring Fire to the earth, I am the One who will run the blood of innocents through the streets and boil the sea with my mere desire, I am the dark side of the moon, I am humanity's nightmare, I am—

I am 12 years old.

And I'm at school.

I just learned about ecosystems: The delicate balance of a food chain, the harmony that exists in the earth when a network of fungi extracts nitrogen from the earth and a rotting tree leaves the soil rich for next spring.

I found out about corals recently too. They are alive and an extremely complex life form for something that will never move, corals don't die as long as nothing kills them, isn't that a strange and wonderful concept?

I always wanted to be the World Destroyer.

It never occurred to me that bringing hell to earth would mean no deer or bees or coyotes.

If you increase the average sea temperature by more than two degrees, millions of corals will die. I don't know if I want to boil the sea if that's the end result.

But I am the Antichrist and I like being the Antichrist. I like to be Apotheosis, the crack in the glass, the rotten apple, the mercury in the water.

But I also like the world as it is, even if it doesn't bow down to me in fear.

What do I do?

(What do I say to my father?)

This is the problem with prophecies – they always put the subject under such a tremendous amount of pressure! I feel sure that, if your father had simply not mentioned his plans for your future, you would have grown up without these anxieties and likely gone on to fulfil your unholy purpose without a second thought, in a time frame that felt sensible and natural to you.

Instead, you've been burdened with a terrible and unreasonable amount of responsibility. No wonder you're feeling torn! This is more than any twelve year old should have to consider.

The important thing to remember is that you don't have to make a decision about this right away. You are the Antichrist and you will remain the Antichrist while you take a little while to decide the best course of action for you. The end of the world will still be there when you're ready for it.

As to the apocalypse itself, this is the other reason prophecies can be so frustrating. They are simply never specific enough to be helpful. Yes, you may be destined to end the world – but which world, exactly? And how much of that 'blood of innocents, boiling seas' stuff is literal, and how much is just a religious scribe getting carried away with himself?

In my experience, there are many, many ways a person might fulfil a prophecy without having to bring a fiery demise to this particular realm of existence. You might take a short hop over to another reality and destroy an uninhabited world, for example.

Alternatively, you might take your prophecy in a more metaphorical sense. “The world” we live in today is one that allows billionaires and business magnates destroy our environment in the name of profit. Perhaps you could fulfil your great purpose by destroying the social and political structures that make that world possible.

I understand your trepidation about bringing this up with your father. However, I really do think that you should consider it. Looking after you is his job, after all, and I'm sure he wouldn't want you struggling with these feelings alone. Reach out to him, and let him know how you feel.

You don’t have to decide this all at once. Whatever else you say to your father, you need to make it clear that you will not be embarking on any sort of apotheosis until you've at least finished your GCSEs. You are a child, and you deserve to have a proper childhood, whatever the future might hold for you.

[For more creaturely advice, check out Monstrous Agonies on your podcast platform of choice, or visit monstrousproductions.org for more info]

[doe-eyed-fool]

Fallen {Chapter Nineteen}

Alastor x (Fem)Reader

A few days after that talk, I could feel a slight change between me and Alastor. Nothing drastic, but it was noticeable. He was more...forgiving? Easier? Though, the "no leaving the hotel without him" rule had gone unchanged. But aside from that, he had proved to be rather decent.

Sure, he could act gentlemanly, but once you got through a few walls, he actually was...well, decent. And I guess, we had a mutual understanding of each other after that talk. And a mutual agreement not to talk about either of our situations.

No matter ninety-four years ago or one year ago, it was still fresh for both of us. And well, neither of us really knew how to cope with it. And we most certainly not going to talk about it, not with each other at least...How would we even go about that? 

Anyway, me and Alastor's tolerance had steadily grown into a somewhat friendship. Though, I take "friendship" with a grain of salt. He didn't want to kill and eat me, and, he let up on the attitude and sarcasm, so that had to count for something.

In fact, he asked me something I never expected from him.

"Y/n! There you are. Listen, you're aware I am well known around these parts as a radio host, yes?" How could I not know? I learned through word of mouth, that Alastor was quite fond in broadcasting the blood curdling screams of his victims throughout Hell. I nod my head in response. "Yes?" 

"Well then, how about you join me on my next broadcast? Hm?" He asked. "Join you? As in...Join you in making people suffer? Or join you in being one of those suffering people?" I ask warily.

Alastor laughs. "Oh no, nothing of the sort. You're not ready to join me in causing such agony, nor do I want your screams being broadcasted. I'm suggesting you come and see how I do things in person." He clarifies. Oh...That's better? "Do I have to watch you torture someone?" I ask. 

Alastor rolls his eyes. "No. I'm not doing that this time, just a normal talk show is all." Alright it is better. "Oh, ok sure. I don't see why not."

Alastor's grin widened. "Lovely! I'll stop by your room tomorrow morning to pick you up. Make sure to get plenty of rest tonight, I expect you to be up bright an early alright?" 

I nod. "Alright." Alastor then pats my head gently. "Good girl." He says before walking away. I blink, trying to process what just happened. "Did he just-"

"Nothin' between you two, my ass." 

"Ah! Angel!?" I turn to face the tall spider demon. He was leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed, eyebrow raised. "You really expect me to believe you two are "acquaintances" after that?" I sigh. "We are, Angel." I say firmly.

"Please. The man just invited you to his radio tower for that dumb show he does. No one goes up there except for him and whatever poor soul he's decided to massacre." 

"Really?" I ask. "Yeah, and from what just happened. You ain't gonna get massacred. Maybe something else though, if you're lucky." Angel smirks. "I'm going to ignore that." I mutter. "Why hasn't he brought anyone else there?" I ask.

He only shrugs. "Smiles likes his privacy. But I guess he likes you even more." 

"Angel." I warn. "What? It's true!" Angel chuckles. I groan and begin to walk away. "I need to get some sleep Angel, goodnight." 

"Night, and make sure you two have protection! Don't need no mini Alastor's running around!" 

I groan louder before quickly walking away, trying to ignore the heat in my face. 

Just as Alastor said, he was there at my door bright and early. I yawn and stretch my wings out before placing on my necklace. I tried to smooth out my hair as best as I could, barely having time to get ready before he showed up. I opened my door, and was greeted by his signature smile. "Good morning, Y/n! I hope you slept well." 

"As well as anyone can when living in Hell." I say jokingly. Alastor chuckles before offering his arm to me. I take it with mine, and with a snap of his fingers, we were in the radio tower.

I look around. The room was fairly sized, large windows wrapping around the building and...highly likely stained with the blood of demons...

But you could get a good view of the city from up here, which was almost distracting enough from the blood stained windows. 

"So." I start. "What do you usually talk about when not slaughtering people on air?" I ask. "Oh, I wouldn't want to ruin the surprise, now would I?" Alastor smirks. "Just take a seat and relax." I do as he says and sit near a window that had been the least bloody. I turn my attention back to Alastor, who was setting a few things up for himself. I had to admit, for older tech, it was impressive. And of course, all professional. 

"Are you ready for the magic to begin?" Alastor asks me. I nod and keep quiet as he starts the show. 

"Good morning sinners of Hell! This is your beloved radio host, Alastor speaking! Unfortunately, today's broadcast will be slaughter free, though, entertaining nonetheless! Seems like we're expecting some acid rain this evening, so cancel your plans or grow some teflon skin!" He ends with a laugh. His, mixed with disembodied laughter from who knows where. 

"Ah yes, I've always loved the rain. Reminds me of good times." He says softly. "It also reminds me of a wonderful song. Let's put on some tunes before we get started today, shall we?" With that, Alastor switches on an old song from his era, and mutes his microphone. He turns to me with a grin. "Well? What do you think so far?" He asks. 

"You seem to have a lot of passion for this." I tell him. "It's nice to see." 

"Why thank you, dear. Yes, I've been passionate about radio for a very, very long time. Been doing it for as long as I can remember." He tells me. "Though, things were different back when I was alive, of course." 

"Less screams of the damned, I imagine?" I asked. "Why, Y/n, that's the first I've heard you curse since I met you!" Alastor smirks. "What changed?" 

"Does that really count though?" I raise an eyebrow. "I've been saying Hell. I'm not really using it hatefully." Alastor's smirk dropped slightly, a look of slight annoyance on his face. "Can you even curse? Or are you too pure for that?" 

"Oh no, I sure as fuck can." I tell him. Alastor's eyebrows shot up. "Ha! That's more like it! Embrace the rotten side of yourself! Step by step, little by little. Cursing's a good start, I suppose." He shrugs.

I giggle. "Yeah. Guess so." Alastor joined me and sat down. "How come you haven't before? I'm sure there were times you got frustrated enough to do so." Alastor asks. "My ex fiancé never liked me to curse. Said it was unlady like." I explain. Alastor hums. 

"I take it he was the controlling type?" He asked. I nod. "Well, there is one good thing that's come from you dying." I give Alastor a confused glance. "What's that?" 

"You've finally rid yourself of that man." 

It wasn't comforting words, but I could understand what he meant. I only hate that it took dying to be free from him...

"I guess you're right." I shrug. "And when he dies, I won't have to deal with him in Heaven...Though come to think of it. I doubt he'd actually get in." I say bitterly. "I just hope I never run into him here, if that's the case." 

"I could always get rid of him myself." Alastor suggests. I furrow my brows. "You'd do that?" I ask. "But of course. I've always disliked the idea of brutes disrespecting a lady, by any means. Trust me...I've seen more than enough of it happen in my lifetime." Oh...That's right...

"Well...I give you full permission." I tell him. Alastor looks me in the eyes as he asks: "Do you truly mean that?" Unwavering, I answer him honestly. "I think he should get a taste of his own medicine for once." 

Alastor chuckled darkly before standing. "Then, consider it done." He said before walking towards the mic again. I watch as he continued on with his radio show. 

I hadn't realized it, but I had fallen asleep while listening to Alastor's broadcast. Another thing I hadn't realized, is that Alastor's voice was surprisingly soothing at times. And it had lulled me right to sleep. Alastor had finished up an hour later and turned to me again, pausing as he noticed my sleeping form. He walked over silently and stared for a moment. 

"Y/n, you certainly are something." He says quietly. "To think I've grown to actually like someone in this cesspool." He bends to pick me up before teleporting in my room.

He walks to my bed and gently lays me down. "Though, I could do without you falling asleep during my show." He chuckles, moving a stray strand of hair from my face. He turns to leave, his shadow forming next to him as he exits my room. 

"You seem to be growing awfully close." It grinned. 

"And what of it?" Alastor asks, shutting the door behind him. "I don't see any harm in doing so."

"What about wanting her to cave into misery?" 

Alastor faltered for a moment. "I do believe there's been a change of plans. Have you not been paying attention?" 

"All I'm saying, is that this could prove to be dangerous."

"Dangerous?"

"For you. You know deep down, growing attached is never a good thing."

Alastor was silent for a moment. "I have it under control. Now, if you please?" He said with a wave of his hand. The shadow rolled it's eyes before dissolving into thin air.

Alastor sighed heavily, before scoffing. "Growing attached. Please." Of course he knew better, he wasn't daft. It wasn't like that anyway. So his tolerance had grown a bit softer, what does it matter?  

"It's not like I'd fall to pieces without her around."

[kandyzee]

THIS IS A PINKEY PROMISE KISS

'Once more to see you' is the early gallavich song.

GONNA TELL YOU WHY !!!

First of all, all songs can be interpreted differently, but to me, this song is about a secret relationship where the narrator craves more.

The first line represents knowing deep down that ur relationship is going to end. "The setting sun on ur neck" is like the sun setting on the relationship, the relationship being referenced by the sun setting on mitski's partner. But mitski doesn't want to believe this. This is why the information isn't in front of her. it's behind her only shown on a mirror. I think it could also be looking back on light filled, happy memories with a partner.

This both fit gallavich really well. Mickey, from the start, feels that his relationship is unsustainable. Ian does, too, but they always go back to each other. They look back on the good and risk it for that feeling over and over even if they "know" it's never gonna work.

"The taste of you bubble up inside me" is the desire in the relationship. The taste or craving for the other person is bubbling and inevitable to boil over.

This growing want for the other person is immediately followed by reasoning why that can't be the case. There are people watching, and they have reputations to uphold. Straight away, I connect these lines to mickey. That is his thought process. He knows he's starting to have feelings for Ian, but he has Terry watching over him. "Our every move" highlights just how paranoid mickey is (for good reason). He has to uphold this strong, thug persona. Mickeys reputation is very close to him, he clings to, he has dreams of becoming the king of the southside. People can't see all this intense queer love he's having cause that would crush the persona.

So they keep the relationship secret.

"Won't let them have it." The them in this is referring to Terry or really any homophobic person. Mickey has grown up with his whole life controlled and ruined by his dad. For once, this good feeling is his. He doesn't want to let that go.

The song then talks about being alone together. "Come inside" is Ian pulling mickey into the safe little bubble they have crafted together. Mitski has a short repetition of the word 'alone' this amplifies the secretive nature of their relationship. As much as this is a metaphorical place, it could also be physical. "You like the high school bleachers, this is our spot, man," or the abandoned buildings Ian trains in, and mickey runs to for comfort after Terry catches them.

Now for my favourite line cause I link it to my favourite kiss.

This line is perfectly them. In this case, I see Ian as the narrator. A pinky promise kiss is a kiss given in a place of a pinky promise. I am definitely one of those people who consider pinky promises at the most pure and meaningful kind of trust, so that makes the line all the more significant to me. For gallavich, the promise is that things will get get better, there is hope for their relationship, and the love that they feel is okay its good. This is why I think the s3 wedding kiss is so fitting. When Ian kisses back, he is making he promise that they can work, and mickey is promising that he wants more with Ian.

"If you would let me." Mickey, during the first 3 seasons, refused to kiss ian. Ian craves emotional intimacy. He wants to share that mickey. To give mickey Pinky promises kisses is to use emotional intimacy to promise that everything will be okay. Ian has tried convincing all these different things, like when he says, "we have nothing to be ashamed of," but it never works. Mickey doesn't respond well to words, but he reacts to physicality. whether if it's abuse or sex mickey is most used to touch, so that's what he is responsive to. Ian knows this and wants nothing more to convince mickey of the good through intimacy, not words.

"Then i wouldn't have to scream ur name atop of every roof in the city of my heart." This line can be seen as a few things. First, it could be about professing love to nothing. When u shout out rooftops, people aren't going to hear u. You can day whatever you want without worrying about other people. Mickey and Ian have no one to tell, so they scream into nothing. To scream in "City of My Heart" is to scream internally. U can't show the emotion outward, so ur trapped in the city of ur heart. It could also be an emotional close place, tho. Similar to the "Come inside" line, the city of their heart could be a place that holds love and memories for them. For gallavich, I think it would be the abandoned buildings or dugouts yk something like that. No one understands love better than the places it was made.

I see this line also interpreted as the opposite sometimes, tho. Screaming of rooftops for them the desire to tell everyone all the time about this relationship. But if the secret was out, that would go away. Like the secret is eating them alive.

If Ian was able to convince mickey with pinky promise kisses, he could start telling actual people. They wouldn't have to hide their feelings .

Okay, finally, the last 4 lines of the song.

"If I could see you." Not only does it mean physically seeing each other but also understanding each other.

"Once more." I think this is talking about going back. If you just see them one more time, then maybe you will understand. If you see them one more time, maybe u will be okay with the relationship only going this far.

This relates to gallavich because of ians dedication to helping, understanding, and being with mickey. Ian will always take mickey back he will always push mickey to better. He gives pinky promise kisses and just more, and their relationship will work.

When Ian goes to see mickey at the wedding in s3, he gives it a try just once more. And I think it works. After that pinky promise kiss, ian does see mickey. Maybe not fully, but he has a better understanding of him.

Mitski often ends her songs with repeating lyrics. For thus song I think it means even tho they say its just one time more, they will go back again. They always find themselves saying "once more". I also like the idea that 1 set is Ian saying it and the other mickey. Like they feel the same things.

The first and last line compliment each other really well. At the start of the song, u can infere the ending of the relationship, but at the end, we see them trying again. The song has this very unfulfilled but desperate to keep the scrap of love they are given feel to it. And that is early gallavich.

I think this song fits most around s3, but it works with s1/2 just, imo not as well. The feelings are there, but they haven't reached the intensity that mitskis song has.

Anyway make this the mitski song people relate to gallavich NOT ME AND MY HUSBAND