#i am a crackhead and i HATE editing

[ahgasegotarmy116]

Shut Up and Kiss Me | Jeon Jungkook | Epilogue

Summary: Jungkook let's you work on his second single 3D but although he's singing this to girls all over he reminds you that you're the only one he wants Pairing: Backup Dancer Reader x Idol Jungkook (f2l they're honestly crackheads I love them) Word Count: 4.7K~ (barely edited per usual lmao) Warnings: Explicit language and smuuttt (he's so hot ya'll I can't) a/n: Kay this took me ling enough to get out but I figured it was about time since the main story hit 1K notes!!! Like what??? Ya'll are actually insane! Thank you so much and I hope you like the epilogue as much as you liked the first part 🫣 p.s. This takes place partially during the 3D dance practice video so yeah I hope ya'll enjoy 🥰 Be sure to read Shut Up and Kiss Me first 💜

"Alright guys go ahead and take a break. Jungkook can you come here for a second?" the choreographer calls out.

"Y/n" Nari whispers, right in my ear scaring me half to death making me place my hand over my heart to ground myself. "Don't do that!" I whisper scream at her. "Not my fault you're staring girly I said your name like three times" she teases and I scoff before walking over to grab my water bottle.

"Am I not allowed to stare at my boyfriend?" I say cocking a brow at her after taking a drink of water. "You are but you also have to remember that your boyfriend is Jungkook and not everyone here knows that" she says, scolding me and bringing me back to reality.

"Hey" Jungkook says, jogging up to us. "What did he want?" I ask, nodding my head towards the head choreographer for this song. "Well..." he says rubbing the back of his neck. "Well what?" I ask, scared that theres something wrong.

"Well they wanted to tell me everyone is doing a great job and the formations are solid but..." he trails off again. "Jeon Jungkook if you trail off like that one more time I'm gonna have a heart attack now tell me what's wrong?" I scold, waiting for his answer.

"They said that we had good chemistry while we were dancing together" he starts off and I let out a breath, glad that it wasn't something major. "But maybe too much chemistry. They think it looks obvious that we're dating with the way we're interacting with each other verses the rest of the dancers" he says and grabs my water bottle out of my hand and starts chugging it nervously.

"Really?" I cringe, loving the fact that we show clear chemistry but also hating the fact that I haven't blended in like a background dancer should. "Yeah they kinda just told me to tone it down and asked me to tell you the same" he says, handing me my now empty water bottle, cringing as well at the notes that they had given.

"Well alright then I guess I'll try my best" I say, shaking my arms and legs real quick to physically shake off the pressure I had felt growing. "Yeah I will too" he says, nodding his head and smiling at my actions.

"What are you smiling at?" I ask, eyes narrowing, a playful scowl written all over my face. "You look cute when you're nervous" he compliments with a crooked smile and I roll my eyes, scoffing at his words.

Once I hear the choreographer call out to everyone to come back and I start to make my way over Jungkook grabs me by my wrist and pulls me back towards him making me fall on his chest. "What are yo-" I start but he kisses me right on the lips and dips me real quick causing all the dancers to gasp and cheer us on.

"Alright you two that's enough" the choreographer scold and Jungkook breaks the kiss and steadies me on my feet again. I take a deep breath, my breath literally being taken away from how sudden that was and how embarrassed I am on top of it.

He rests his forehead on mine and lets out a dry chuckle before I wack him on the bicep which happens to be on full display today with his white muscle shirt on. "Why did you do that?" I whisper scream to him, looking around at all the eyes that have started to trickle away from us and listen to the instructions for the next run through.

"Just because he said we couldn't show too much chemistry while we're dancing doesn't mean that we can't do it while we're not" he smirk, placing a kiss on the back of my hand before running over to the group that's gathered in the middle of the practice room.

I shake my head at him and make my way over on my own, wiping my lips to take away his messy saliva he left on them and when he sees me do so he pouts a bit before looking turning his attention to where it once was.

"What just happened?" Nari whispers when I walk up next to her. "Don't look at me, Jungkook did it. He said something about they said we were showing too much chemistry while dancing but we can when we're not. I don't know something like that" I mumble and she nods her head and goes quiet for a second to listen but breaks her silence again.

"You know all of us had to sign new NDAs today right?" she says and I turn to look at her, my brows scrunched together in confusion. "Really? But why didn't I have to?" I question and she laughs at the same time that the choreographer tells us to get in starting position.

"We signed them so that they made sure we would keep our mouths shut about you two" she winks and the two of us and two other of the girls line up behind Jungkook to get in formation, waiting for the music to start.

"You're kidding me right?" I whisper and she shakes her head, "Your name was on it and everything. They even highlighted it since you guys are the newest idol couple. Well a couple that includes an idol" she says, clarifying her wording unnecessarily.

"Okay I get it I get it" I say, and cover my face with both of my hands in embarrassment. No wonder everyone had been giving me weird looks today.

As Jungkook's voice blares through the speakers Nari and I compose ourselves and wait for our parts.

"I can't touch you through the phone" Jungkook starts, getting into his idol mindset and I get weak in the knees like I always do but take a deep breath and remember to maintain chemistry with him but not too much...

"When there's two dimensions..." he says and our eyes lock when we step into each other. 'He's so fucking hot' is the only thing I can process, my body on autopilot, following muscle memory and willing myself to stop thinking about him.

"So if you're ready, and if you let me" 'Trust me I've let him' I think, my mind wandering to the places I've let him- "See it, in motion, in 3D" he sings, his voice going in and out of my head as I follow the steps along with everyone else.

'Okay why don't I just focus on the other dancers? Yeah make sure our formations look well and our moves are in sync' I think to myself and go along with that.

"Body to body to body to body to body" comes through next and I push on his right shoulder while one of the others girls pushes on his left and I look at the way he's grabbing onto him, definitely a lot harder than she needs to me and I annoyingly take note of it.

"You give me brand new emotion, you got me drinkin' that potion" he says and I hold onto his shoulder while we all do this hip thrust thing. I don't know what the choreographer was thinking when he gave the girls this kind of a move but alright. Being next to him and holding onto his while he does it tho is um...well let's just say the flashbacks are a lot more vivid this time.

"I just wanna see you like that see you like that..." 'God I swear why did I start focusing on the other dancers? Now all I can think about are the girls and everything that goes along with this song and how Jungkook's voice and music dictates our every movement.

"'Cause you know how I like it girl" 'Yes Jungkook, I know how you like it, and you know how I like it. When is this song gonna be over? This is honestly some sick form of torture at this point. You know what, lemme just look at the staff, yeah the staff will be more or less harmless right?'.

When I look towards the staff though my eye catch Jungkook's in the mirror behind them and it takes everything in me to not stop dead in my tracks.

The look in his eyes is mesmerizing, promises of things we would never say aloud hidden behind that fiery stare and it brings me some form of comfort, knowing that although he's singing this song to women through out the world and with female dancers around him, I'm the only one he's got his eyes on. The one he's singing his song to.

I wonder if the reason he chose this song was because these might've been some of his thoughts and feeling for me when we weren't living in the same city, or weren't even on the same continent. Why do I have to keep on having these thoughts? I swear I'm just digging myself deeper.

"I had one girl, too boring" I hear Jack's voice come through and I roll my eyes, chancing a glare at Jungkook and I see him wince, remembering the scolding I gave him when he showed me the song for the first time.

"Am I not enough for you? Too boring?" I fumed. It was on a day when I had been feeling a little insecure to begin with and when he told me he had another song I had been excited to listen because he was excited to show me.

"Baby that Jack's verse, I swear I don't feel like that! You know I've loved you since I was little! I promise!" he pleads and I just end up giving him the silent treatment for the rest of the night but I let him cling to me and he apologized over and over again.

"We already asked him to rewrite his lyrics a few times and I felt bad asking him again" he says, placing his chin on my shoulder and arms wrapped around my waist, being positively attached to my hip.

I turn around to face him, still with his arms wrapped around my waist to make sure he's being honest with me.

"You sure you don't mean that?" I say, glaring up at him and he nods, the poutiest lips and the saddest doe eyes I've ever seen are granted to me along with his response. "Okay" I say, cupping his face and he closes his eyes leaning into my touch before I tap him twice on the cheek.

"Hey" he whines, scrunching his brows together, a new flavor of a pout on his face. "Just make sure that any more features you have on this album young man have to do with monogamy, you got that?" I say pointedly and he nods his head up and down violently.

"I promise! I'll make sure to tell the producers" he says and I hum in response, loving his panicked response. "Why couldn't his verse have been like Latto's?" I groan and try to walk away from him but he pulls me back.

"And what might you mean by that princess?" he says, taking on a whole new demeanor knowing exactly what I mean based off the explicit lyrics. "How they more or less kinda sorta are based off of a true story" I mumble, looking down at where he's pressed our bodies together and dying to get rid of these clothes already.

"Yeah? Which part? Maybe I should make sure it's completely based off of a true story hm?" he says, his hands slowly trailing his hands down from my waist grab my ass, pulling me even closer if possible.

I lean my head against his chest getting shy at the thought that he's keep his promise and he laughs at the cute gesture mixed with the explicit words that garnered this reaction.

"Is my girl getting embarrassed?" he taunts, placing a kiss on top of my head but still making no moves to take his hands off my ass. I whine and he laughs again and lets up, leaning back to try and catch my gaze.

"You know I love you right?" he asks and I hide my face even more, making sure he can't see how red it's gotten. I nod my head and mumble out a muffled 'love you too' but he's not satisfied by my answer and starts walking us backwards, the back of my knees hit the couch and as a result has me not so gracefully falling onto it.

"Since you're too embarrassed to say that you love me it guess I'll just have to make you scream it instead" he says leaving me biting my lip, my heart rate skyrocketing when he comes closer...

'So if you're ready, and if you let me, I wanna see it in motion in 3D' blares through the speaker one last time at the end of the song, all of the dancers going on with the choreography and Jungkook looking back at us, at me and he knows what's on my mind and smirks through the lyrics and I know I'm an absolute goner once we're alone together.

Why do all of these songs have to be so sexual? Every single time we're done with practice or he finishes up his own rehearsals it seems as though he can't wait to be alone with me. Not that I'm complaining but how can one man contain this much stamina.

When Latto said 'Seven days a week, Seven different sheets, Seven different angles I can be your fantasy' she really hit it right on the head.

'You know how I like it girl, 3D' finally closes out the song and everyone stops, panting in effort to catch our breaths can be heard throughout the room and a few of us dramatically fall to the floor in an effort to ground ourselves, including Jungkook.

"Alright everyone that's a wrap. We'll see you guys bright and early Monday morning with one last rehearsal before we fly out to film the music video. Thank you very much and get some rest because we've got a long week ahead of us" the choreographer says and we all clap for each other and get ready to grab our stuff to go.

Jungkook comes over and gives me a hand to help me up and I take it right away, not even having to put in any effort with him putting in all the work to get me back on my feet. "You done for the day?" I ask, seeing that look in his eye, knowing exactly what's bound to happen and as soon as he's about to open his mouth one of the staff members calls him over again.

"Meet me in my studio, this shouldn't take long" he whispers in my ear leaving me shuddering as he leaves me, not giving me even a second to answer before he's jogging over to said staff.

"I was gonna ask if you wanted to go home together but it looks like you've got other plans" Nari says, scaring me again for what is it the third time today? I look at her and she knows the answer already, rolling her eyes and placing a hand on my shoulder.

"Just don't get pregnant" she says, louder than I'd care to admit. "Nari!" I scold and she laughs, causing our little conversation to catch Jungkook's eye, granting me a wink in response but quickly switching back to a more professional demeanor.

"I'll see you later" she sings and I groan before picking up my dance bag and heading towards the locker rooms to shower. I'm thankful that they have these for us because I would hate to have to deal with being disgustingly sweaty just waiting for him to come back.

~~~~~

Once I finish up I make my way to Jungkook's studio where I see him sitting at his desk, hair still dripping a bit while he towel dries it a bit more.

"Thought I told you to wait here for me" he teases, draping the small towel around his neck before getting up to walk towards me, placing a hand on my waist and pulling me in to kiss him. I hum into the kiss, loving moments like these where we can openly be ourselves again.

"Didn't know how long they were gonna keep you so I took my time in there" referring to said shower and he kisses me again before taking my bag off my shoulder and throwing his towel in the little laundry basket by the door.

"Looks like you're gonna need another one soon though" he says, turning around and stalking towards me leaving me walking backwards until I stupidly back into his desk. "Is that a threat?" I ask, taking us back to that morning after.

"Thought by now you would know that I always keep my promises" he says and places his hand on my jaw, putting me at just the right angle to kiss me.

He starts slow, full of the longing and desire he had shown me when he was looking at me through that mirror and deepening the kiss, making me fall further and further into him.

Trailing my hands up his chest I bring them up to wrap my arm around his neck, trapping him against my lips while I use the other to run my fingers through his hair, making my nails drag along his scalp and pull at his locks just how he likes it leaving him groaning into the kiss.

"Tell me what you were thinking about during rehearsal" he says, pulling away from my lips before kissing me one last time and the trailing his lips down my neck. "I wasn't thinking about anything" I gasp when he bites down on my collarbone in response.

"Don't lie to me, I saw the way your eyes glossed over and how flustered you got when I finally caught your eye. Baby was having flashbacks wasn't she?" he teases, trailing his hands under the shirt I'm wearing which happens to be his.

I whimper when his hands cup my breasts, the warmth of his skin seeping through the pitiful excuse for a bra and he pinches one of my nipples as a punishment for not telling him the truth.

"I was thinking about you" I gasp, feeling him smiling against my skin before leaning back and pulling up my shirt a little, waiting for me to give him the go ahead by lifting up my arms which I do right away, used to having done this time and time again in his studio.

"Care to elaborate?" he asks cocking a brow at me, leaving me rubbing my thighs together giving him clear answers as to what I had been thinking of.

"Remembering that you know how I like it? Perhaps the champagne confetti you know you give me every time? Rain rain rain you can't fake it?" he says, trailing his hand down and pressing a finger against my center, already feeling how wet I am for him.

"Seems like she's already soaking wet isn't she" he says, trailing his hand up towards the drawstring on my sweats and tugging them as a plea to take them off. I hop off the desk and he immediately helps me out of them, smiling at the small wet stain that's been left on them before setting me up on his desk again, totally bare with only my bra on which is new and incredibly sheer him having just noticed since it's the last thing that's keeping me from being fully exposed.

I bring hands to my back to unclasp it but he tells me to leave it on. "It looks so pretty on you. Wanna fuck you in it" he growls into my ear before leaning back and ridding himself of his clothing and smashing his lips up against mine, having become even more needy if possible while scanning my body and taking off his clothes.

"Been thinking about this all day. Wish I could fuck you in here all the time. Can't even work properly in here. Just thinking about how I've fucked you everywhere in this room" he says, driving me to insanity while he drags his dick up and down my slit, making me dizzy from the stimulating but needing more to satiate this hunger he's built up in me.

"Jungkook please, do something" I plead, remembering the fact that this room is soundproof meaning I can be as loud as I want in here which is another reason why he loves having sex in here. He tells me he that sometimes he wishes it wasn't though. Says he wants the whole company to know how he makes good on his word and is fucking me right.

"Needy little thing now aren't you" he says, holding back his need to be buried balls deep in me in favor of making me beg some more. I scoot my hips forward and pull him closer in an effort to do it myself but he gives me absolutely no power over the situation.

"Gotta stretch you out" he mumbles against my lips and replaces his dick with his fingers, dragging it along my folds to get some of my slick on it to make it easier to slide in and after playing why clit a little and gaining breathy whimpers from me in response he slides a finger in, drawing circles along my clit in an effort to help me relax.

He does a quick job of it but makes sure to be gentle nonetheless while prepping me for him, needing to me inside me now. As a result he's soon pulling his fingers out of me and placing them in my mouth, distracting me from the fact that seconds later he's pushing into me, leaving me moaning around his fingers.

When I bite down on them from the surprise of him putting it in he hisses from feeling my walls clench around him along with the pain from the bite.

He pulls his fingers out of my mouth and places both hands on my hips and pull me towards him, slamming the rest of his length inside of me leaving me arching my back and choking out a sob.

He snaps his hips into me over and over again at a fast pace he only settles for in times where he's extremely needy or feeling a need to remind me of who I belong to. The first being the case for this situation.

"Shouldn't have let you work on this project" he grunts while his hands grip my hips even harder, dimpling my skin, bound to leave marks tomorrow.

"Drives me fucking insane seeing you move like that, you know that? Makes it so hard for me to not pop a boner right then and there. Fuck how did I get so lucky?" he growls in my ear, leaving me drowning in the sound of his voice, hearing all the thoughts he's been having this whole time.

"You're lucky I took a chance on the loner" I slur out leaving him slowing his pace so he could look at me properly. "Loner huh?" he smirks and I nod, smirking right back at him. He rolls his eyes and picks up the pace again, leaving me giggling at his reaction but soon I'm moaning his name with ever snap of his hips, all my coherent thought long gone when I'm close to tipping over.

"You've got a smart mouth on you today huh? Just begging to get ruined like always, my girl is never satisfied until she's begging for me to stop. Telling me it's too much. You're so fucking adorable when you cry like that. Fuck I wish I cou-" "Shut Up" I choke out, cutting him off by smashing my lips against his, not being able to handle his dirty mouth anymore.

Although I know it's almost impossible for someone to hear us I can't help but want to muffle my moans with his mouth when I cum, making his swallow all of them as his hips stutter and my orgasm triggers him leaving his slowing down, changing his pace to one that more lazy but just as deep, fucking us both through our highs before he pulls out making me whine as the loss of contact.

Maybe I am insatiable, maybe I'm completely lost in him. Not just because of who he is or what he does to me but just because he's him. Someone that I want to spend my life with and although I've felt like that for a long time I'm sure the freshly fucked mindset I have right now is the reason these feelings have come to the front again. 

He rests his forehead against mine and focuses on cleaning me up with a clean towel he had somehow gotten when I was lost in a daze and walks away, cleaning himself up quickly and throwing some sweats on.  

Once he's done and throws yet another towel in the basket he walks back over to me and kisses me. Over and over and over again whispering sweet nothings between every kiss and I swear I could never ask for someone more perfect in my entire life. 

"You okay?" he asks, pulling me off the desk and holding onto my hips, keeping me on my feet when my knees buckle once I make contact with the floor. "Yeah I'm, yeah I'm fine" I say, embarrassed by stumbling even though for the most part I always end up like this after we fuck. 

"Did a number on you huh?" he smirks, guiding me over to the couch to rest after having helped me into thankfully another fresh change of clothes I had in my dance bag with me. "Shut up" I grumble and flop down onto it, laying down and he chuckles before laying down and putting his full weight on top of me. 

I groan and hit him on the shoulders, hoping to get him off of me but he just laughs in response. "I swear you're trying to kill me" I say through labored breaths, but he thankfully alters his position so he's still on top of me but distributes some of his weight elsewhere. 

"No, I just love you that's all" he says, propping his chin on my chest and looking at me as if I hung the stars for him. "I love you too weirdo" I say, ruffling his hair when he pouts at me words, feigning offense.

 "First I'm a loner and now I'm a weirdo? You hurt me with your words" he whines, placing his hands on his chest right over where his heart is. "You are a weirdo" I say, sitting back up and cupping his face turning it towards me. "But you're my weirdo" I whisper, placing my forehead against his and rubbing my nose up against his, giving him eskimo kisses. 

"We need to get home" he says standing up and grabbing my hand to hoist me up as well. "Wait, why?" I ask, questioning his urgency and also getting a fluttering feeling when he call his place home as if we lived there together. 

"You're too cute to fuck just once today and I wanna spoil you" he says, kissing me and making me lose myself in him again. When he pulls away I laugh as I watch him clean up everything and grab both of our bags to carry out and when I try to reach to take mine from him he refuses. 

"Least I can do for my girl after that champagne confetti is carry her bag" he teases and drags me out of the studio before I'm able to scold him properly. "Jeon Jungkook you better watch yourself" I growl and he laughs, thoroughly pleased with himself. 

"I'd rather see you, in motion, in 3D" he says pulling me into the elevator and pressing G for garage while I push him against the wall once the doors close. "Feisty are we? Thought I took care of that back there" he taunts. 

"Just shut up and kiss me" I mumble against his lips and he switches roles, turning me around and pressing me against it instead. "You're gonna get yourself into trouble you know that?" he says between kisses, gripping onto my hips and pulling them flush up against his, showing me how hard he still is. 

"I counting on it" I say and we laugh before he kisses me breathless, the elevator taking us, down down down, each moment bringing us closer to my demise. Knowing tonight will leave me completely shattered, but luckily I've got him to pick up the pieces.

The End

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[snowdrop-ivy]

Chasing the Clouds: A Journey Back to The Beef | 2

Summary: Mikey left the restaurant to Carmen, Natalie, and you.

Trope: Second chances

T/W: Cursing, unresolved mental issues, trauma, suic!de, angst, and smut.

Word count: 2654

YOU just finished editing the photos you’re about to send to your wedding planner when you saw Natalie calling you. You’re back in Chicago for a break and to plan the wedding since your fiance’s mom thought a year engaged and no plans is bullshit. So that’s what you’ve been doing for the past 2 weeks. 

“Hey, Sug,” You smiled, answering the phone. “How you’ve been?”

“Hey, baby doll!” She shrieked. They’re not going to die down the nickname you had since 4 because you thought that dressing up as a doll everyday till you were 7 was a good idea. “Not much. How are you? I miss you!”

“I miss you too, Sug!” You giggled and crossed your legs. “Not much going on. I just finished sending designs for the chairs I wanted and heading off to my dad for Jeremy’s birthday party. Are you coming?”

You heard Nat sighed on the other end. “No, I have to check with my accountant because I put in my house as mortgage for the restaurant and now that they’re behind bills, my house is fucked.”

“Oh,” You gulped as you knew that Carm was managing it and you’ve been trying to stay away with everything that reminds you of him but apparently, growing up together does not do that. “Do you need help with it?”

“No!” She exclaimed. “I just wanted to talk to you. And maybe, if you’re free, we can hang out. I really miss you.”

You bowed and lightly smiled. “I know! It’s been so long. But, I’m free tomorrow. Is that good with you?”

You heard Nat squeal as you planned your day-out tomorrow. You both exchanged stories on what’s going on until it was time for you to go to your dad’s house. It’s your little brother’s birthday. You love that kid even though you don’t have the same mom. Your mom died a few months after you were born. It was always you and your dad till your step mom showed up. She’s okay, you like her. But you’ve never been close to her. She’s one of those people you like but do not hate. It’s somewhere between that. 

“Hey, baby doll!” Your dad yelled across the crowd he was talking to. You beamed up a smile as you walked to your dad with his open arms. “I miss you so much.”

You hugged your dad and kissed him. “We saw each other last week, Dad.”

Jim laughed as he hugged you again. “What? I can’t miss you everyday?”

You laughed and shook your head. You hugged all the people you knew and went inside to look for the birthday boy. You looked around the house you grew up in. All the pictures since you were little hang around the house. You smiled at those memories. All the good and bad ended you up as a Nurse. You never thought you'd be a nurse since you’re scared of needles when you were young from the stories you heard from your dad about crackheads and whatnots. You searched around the house to find your brother but you can’t see him anywhere. You smiled to the guests you passed by till you got to the kitchen.

“Baby doll!” Richie roared then tackled you in a squeezing hug. “Where you’ve been?”

You screeched as he lifted you. “Rich, put me down!”

Rich looked in disbelief as he eyed you. The last time you saw him was a week before Mikey’s death. “You look so fucking different.”

“That’s because I am,” You laughed. You smiled at him before hugging each other. You did miss him. And you felt guilty that you didn’t show up or call him when he’s been through his shits. “Sorry for not calling,” You genuinely smiled before kissing him on the cheek.

“Nah, you’re good,” Rich dismissed his hand. “Enough about that! How are you?”

You opened your mouth to answer but you heard a very familiar voice calling Rich. “Cousin, how’s the hotdogs coming?”

You gulped when you saw him. That bastard. Carmen Fucking Berzatto walking to the kitchen. He stopped on his tracks when he saw you. He has a tray of lettuce in his hands. You saw his jaw clenched and walked to the counter to put down the tray.

“No, Carm, look who’s here?” Richie said all fucking excited and pointed at you like he doesn’t know where you are. “It’s baby doll!”

Rich was about to say something before you smelled the burning hotdogs and he came running to it. You bit your lip when he left the two of you alone. You felt your hands shaking as you put your purse and gift down. Carm sighed before leaning on the counter and looking at you. Both of you don't know what to say or where to start.

He cleared his throat making you look at him. “Hey.”

You felt your throat close up when he called. You eyed him intently. His shriveled hair, the noticeable bags under his eyes, and his stained white shirt that fitted him like a glove. “Hey, Carmen.”

Carm twitched his mouth and clenched his jaw when he heard you say his name. That’s the first time you called him by his name. You always called him bear or B or anything else other than his government name.

“How you’ve been?” You both asked after a long silence. You also both pointed at each other to answer. “No, you go ahead,” He suggested.

You cleared your throat. After years of not talking, not a call, text, letter, or email, that’s what he asked. You had this urge to scream at his face and tell him how you spent the nights in the bathroom as you were too drunk just to forget his fucking face for a second. You wanted to tell him how you almost failed nursing school since you had no will to live or even a tiniest motivation to get up in the morning. You wanted to tell him how you were prescribed sleeping pills from all the sleepless nights you had. You wanted to tell him how broken your heart and body was when he left. “I’m good,” But no, you just timidly answered. You’re unsure if he knows you’re engaged or not since you haven’t talked to him for how many years. You don’t know if your dad, Sug, or Rich mentioned it to him. “You?”

He looked at the floor. His arms crossed and nodded. That’s not how you usually answered. You always answer with a funny story that happened to you. “Good as well,” He slowly nodded and glanced at you. He noticed everything that changed about you. How your hair has been a bit darker, the new tattoo on your arm, and how you wore your lipstick darker than you used to. It was colored salmon before that’s why whenever he sees one, it reminds you of him. He can’t think of one thing that he can’t associate you with.

You nodded, acknowledging his answer. You were hoping for more but what can you expect him to say? You both sat in silence till he offered you a beer. He placed it on the counter and you reached for it. He saw the ring on your finger as you drank the beer.

Carm froze when he saw that. His heart dropped. He felt cold all of a sudden then sweaty. He wrapped his arm around him as he slowly nodded. Trying to acknowledge what is going on. His mind was going to a different place. He couldn’t wrap his head on the thought that you’ll be walking on a different man to the altar. Not that he could do anything about it. I mean, what can he do? Tell you to stop the wedding? He can’t do that. That’s fucked up. Not after everything he’s put you through.

“Getting hitched, huh?” He questioned then took a sip. 

You saw that he noticed the ring. You wrapped both of your hands on the cold bottle since you can’t feel anything. You just went numb. And it’s not a good numb. It feels different. 

You shrugged. “Yup,” you murmured. “Gonna be a Mrs. soon,”

“Huh.” That’s all he could say. He bit his lips looking for words or questions to prolong the conversation. “You excited?”

You blew out your cheeks. “Yeah,” You answered and looked at him. His face went blank. You can see him tensing his shoulders.

Carm pursed his lips and looked around. “Best wishes, then,” He whispered and raised his beer at you.

You timidly smiled and slightly raised your beer back. You looked at the window so as to not look at him anymore. His face brought back so many emotions and memories that you locked up in a chain somewhere deep in your mind. You never thought going back to Chicago meant you’ll see him again. You buried him in your head and soul. You heard him excuse himself to go check on Richie. When he left, you buried your face in your hand trying to prevent her tears welling up. You took a deep sigh and left the beer on the counter to look for your dad. You saw him in the backyard smoking. 

You stood beside him and snatched his cigarette. “You didn’t tell me he was here.”

He kicked the pebbles scattered around him and put his hands on his pocket. “If I did, you wouldn’t come.”

You sighed. “Dad.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” He sighed defeatedly. “It’s just that I’m sure you’re not gonna go if you knew and it’s your brother’s birthday. You can’t miss that. Not when he loves you more than anyone in the world.”

You took a deep breath and huffed a smoke. Your brother does love you more than anyone. And you love that kid. And your dad’s right, if you knew he’s coming, you’re not going to go. 

“And besides,” Your dad shrugged his shoulders. “You’ve been avoiding everything that has to do with him since forever. And if you’re really past that… you shouldn’t be afraid anymore.”

You scratched your brow and glanced at them making hotdogs under a tent. What your dad said is applicable if you’re past it. But you’re not. You didn’t even go through it. You skipped it. Your answer was halted when you saw your brother running towards you. You threw the cigar and hugged him. Jeremy took you away from your dad and introduced you to all his friends. He showed you all the gifts he got. Jer took your mind off Carm and you were thankful for him. How sweet and caring he is. How he made you happy by just being him. You laughed when he saw that you have a gift. The party went on to be a blast. Kids had fun. Food was great. It was a great day. You didn’t see Carm much that day other than the few glances and the conversation you had. Jeremy was bummed that you’re gonna go home but you promised him a fun day when you’re free.

Carm and Rich are cleaning up the place after the party. He was wiping the tables when Jimmy walked in and made a cup of coffee. He couldn’t help but look at the picture of him with his dad. 

“When is that from?” He asked and pointed at the picture sitting on the counter. It was a black and white photo. Jimmy had his arm around his dad and they’re both smiling.

“Repeat party. Grant Park, ‘92,” He answered and took a sip before standing next to him. “You ever miss him?”

He shook his head. “Didn’t really know him well enough to miss him.”

“Sounds like Y/N,” Jimmy mentioned. He placed down his cup and turned to Carm. “You get a chance to talk to her?”

Carm shrugged. “Yeah, we had a beer but she didn’t finish it. Still on the counter.”

Jimmy pursed his lips. “How’d you feel?”

He stopped and raised his brows. “What are you? A therapist?” He joked. Unc turned his head to know he’s serious. Carm straightened his face before continuing to clean the table. “Good, I guess.”

“Really?” He wondered. He didn’t seem satisfied with his answer. “After all these years?”

“Yeah, I mean, we didn’t have much to talk about but she did mention her engagement.”

Jim pressed his lips and tapped him on the shoulder before leaving. “Hey, Carm,” he called him.

Carm turned around to look at him. “Whenever I imagine giving away my daughter, I always thought it’d be to you.”

He nodded and watched him leave him. He took a deep breath. He also had the idea you’re gonna end up together. You both were a step away from being married. Hell, Carm even gave you a very beautiful engagement ring that made you feel magical. But that was all in the past now. He still wonders if you still have the ring. It wouldn’t hurt him if he knew you threw it away or burned it along with the other things you had that belonged to him. Carm shook his head and head on to bid goodbyes to Unc’s wife and Jer. Rich and Carm had to drive Pete home since he was knocked out from the punch infused with Xanax. Carm took the chance to talk to Natalie. 

“So, how’s the party?” Nat asked as he gave him water and sat down across from him in their living room. 

“Good,” He nodded. “Good yeah, Richie spilled a Xanax in the cooler but Unc didn’t kill us.”

“That’s crazy,” She said with disgust. Nat propped her legs on the couch. “You saw baby doll?”

Carm bit his lip and nodded.

“You guys talked?”

He nodded. Unsure what to answer. He propped his arms on his legs as it bounced. 

“How was she?”

“Why didn’t you tell me she was engaged?” 

Nat’s mouth went open then lightly shrugged. “I didn’t think you'd want to know that.”

 Carm bitterly laughed before shaking his head. “Yeah, right.”

“How’d you know?”

“Saw it on her finger,” He answered, remembering what it looks like on you. “Different from what I got her.”

“Does it still hurt?” Nat asked gently. Her eyes was soft and full of worry.

Carm stared at the picture of you with him, Nat, and Mike that was taken on Christmas a year after you got together. He smiled lightly as he saw his arms around your waist and you were kissing him on the cheek. He had the biggest smile on it. And you all looked so happy beside the christmas tree. “Yeah, and I think it always will.”

“Do you still love her?”

He bit his lip, soaking in her question. And the answer is he does. You have, will always have, his heart in your hands. You were gentle while he cared, but when he stopped caring, it broke you. And nothing will ever be the same. You gave him everything, and he won’t give it back. And now, you chose someone else, even though you have every piece of him. He hopes time will heal you both. Maybe not completely, but he hopes it will only hurt on the bad days. And he’s only have a few of those.

“Carm…” Natalie softly called him after a while when he didn’t answer.. “Are you okay?”

He repeatedly nodded before standing up. “Gotta go,” he bid before heading out to his car. He banged his hand on the wheel repeatedly trying not to scream. He’s not okay. How can he be? Seeing you after 5 years and seeing that you’re engaged. And how nobody gave him a fucking heads up about it. They told all the stories you shared with them but not the one where you got a fucking fiancé.

taglist: @th3h0nkz

A/N: Hi! If you want to be tagged on the next chapters, just comment down! Thanks for the support! <33 hope you like this chapter

[adultswim2021]

Metalocalypse #35: “Dethdad” | July 14, 2008 - 12:00AM | S02E15

I mostly didn’t watch Metalocalypse this season when it was new. I fell off sometime early on and just figured I’d wait for the DVD, which I bought and also didn’t watch. This show remains one that I admire a lot, and usually wind up being glad to have watched it... BUT! I am almost never specifically in the mood for it.

I became a diligent Adult Swim recorder around this time, though, so in a bid to record everything new that aired on each block, I wound up accidentally spoiling certain episodes of certain shows for myself. This is one of them. I already knew the ending to this one. SPOILERS (we spoil stuff here, folks): I saw that guy sink like a stone.

As the tribunal puts it, every time Toki touches someone’s life with love, they wind up dying in such a way as to leave Toki with a traumatic loss. This is usually undercut with a detached, absurdist gallows-humor irreverence. This one leads up to Toki confronting his father’s death by traveling to Norway as he lie on his deathbed. He meets his father, who requests that Toki take him to die peacefully in the house he was born in.

Toki must carry his father up a mountain to get to said house, and on the last step he slips. His father falls out of his arms, and slides down the mountain and into a frozen-over lake. Toki scrambles to get to him, but now he’s slid under a thick sheet of ice. We see the life leave his father’s eyes as he sinks into the blackness of the frozen Nordic lake, all while his son watches in horror. How rude!

Seeing this moment out of context (with the sound off; I usually muted my TV when editing my recordings) is a pretty different experience. I expect the show to get dark, and that’s pretty brutal. What I wasn’t prepared for is the cartoony slip sound effect when Toki drops his dad. Hilarious! Also, the gratuitous bit at the end where Murderface throws a firecracker at the side of the mountain, causing an avalanche that crushes the house they were trying to travel to (that’s the culmination of a running gag where the band terrorizes Murderface with firecrackers).

The ending is very memorable, and it’s a great moment for the show, but this episode is maybe on the weaker side? It’s tough to say; I was influenced by sorta knowing the ending so I didn’t really get to go in fresh. The scenes on the way to the climax are hit and miss. And when you really think about it, that ending is simply too weird. Why did that guy go under the ice?? What a freakin’ weirdo. Toki’s dad is a friggin’ crackhead. May he rest in peace.

MAIL BAG

Art book time! Jackson isn't a fan of this episode either. Like you said, it's overstuffed and not the cleanest episode despite it's cool moments. But he also just really hated how the Entmann character tuned out. He wrote for John Hodgman and underwrote as a result cause he figured his delivery would balance it out, but he was busy and so got Stephen Destefano instead. He thought a Kvetchy voice would be funny but it didn't really work for the character, he never came out how he wanted him to. You can kinda tell cause after Now Museum they did nothing with him for 30 episodes before literally pissing on his grave in season 5.

Thank you for this tidbit! I really should get myself a copy of that thing. I just couldn't pull trigger on it because money is perpetually tight around here and I thought it was weird that they released that thing before the show had ended properly.

In the commentary they mentioned creating that character for a friend of theirs, but wouldn't say who, and they seemed mildly bitter about the whole thing.

[nochi-quinn]

legend of vox machina watch party episodes 7-9: kareawkward

EPISODE 7

ohGOD my headset clicked on just as they started yelling

they all spontaneously forget how to introduce themselves

"I play Pike! and that's it"

PLEASE HOLD THE WATCH PARTY ISN'T WORKING BC IT THINKS I'M IN A DIFFERENT REGION

jasper the fluff bunny luck dragon!

dagon ;-;

dagon was a conure

matt and marisha are going to kill you both

Please Forgive Me Percy

"think good thoughts. don't make eye contact."

"I have WONDERFUL sketches" "you also have many strange skills."

"I don't want to"

grog strongjaw: kind of a crackhead

Legend of Vox Machina: Put Down Cursed Weapons

cursed weapons: not even once

"FUCK THAT ROCK"

hey kurama check it out I'm a blood fountain

(I have resisted making that joke three times now, I am only so strong)

"if you wanna flirt with someone, stop being mean to her friends"

right, taliesin, a friend

keto grog

"what a DING-DONG"

"I fought for that butthole"

YES they also made me think of Stray

"how often are you gonna see a bear and a jackalope team up?"

"did they complain a lot about it, is what I'm asking"

and then cheech marin happens

"we've all been there before" "allegedy!"

augh tal's mic picking up his drinking noises

two emo boys being emo

"no, I'm alone" "no, I AM"

Dragon Zoom

"dad went out for a gold hoard"

I need the "bleh" noise from naruto abridged put over grog there

"she did [the reverb] herself, just with her voice"

flashbacks to early c1 when laura had to leave early for an audition and sam was making fun of her for where it was

"isn't this fun, watching tv with my frien - oh shit I have a job"

oh, fearne is on sam's shirt

travis how does the lavalier jabbing you in the neck like that not bother you. it's bothering me second-hand

"these are things people have told me about tripping out"

no I hate this

I'm so glad they didn't do this sdlkfjsl

bury it in the new mexico desert

"maybe we'll use it in the future!" "no, no I don't think we will"

I stepped away but I had my headset on so I got to hear "daddy garmelie" and I don't like it

The Nipples Are Implied

Bondage Keyleth

"vax in the knot" is an entirely different part of the fandom

ONE HUNDRED PERCENT thought she was gonna say "hey taliesin speaking of penises"

I was gonna say, taliesin that's you, you're the nerd who went to japan

The Criticalrole

"that's so much worse than in my head, I wanna do it again"

"see….seven characters is a lot to draw"

animators: pls kill someone

the little drama play that just went on in the back row

mica is gonna bully them into singing again

he's definitely never heard that one before

EPISODE 8

look I know he's friends with like two thirds of the cast but also: why

this entire operation is a shambles

oh I stand corrected, that's NOT sam. iphone brandon auman (?) sounds very much like sam

did this man just use "exotic" to describe a human person

edit from the future: a NIGERIAN human person, x2 Please Leave

lmao owlbear is still copyrighted

the fonz!

I also deeply enjoyed the backlight

"she's got issues! you got issues!"

mica saying all the shit I said in my liveblog like eight hours ago

a minor crisis happened in my house but honestly fuck it, I have not been enjoying any of this

imagine: we could have had liam in this watch party

"the scream I scrumpt" s a m e

I appreciate those leaf wipe transitions so much more now

troy baker also did not realize how long it takes to get to the cast, it gets me every time

no no let him leave

"we! are! professionals!"

that! that! that thing I said! god thank you for validating me cast of legend of vox machina

(check my individual episode liveblogs, true believers!)

"how much bernie sanders do we want?"

"EVERYONE in the trickfoot family" he said pointedly into the camera

"thanks for making everything feel worse" truer words

I love all of those

Phantom String

taliesin just casually creating character and world lore mid-game it's fine

EPISODE 9

oh thank god he's gone

matt's not here to sing with the intro, everybody else has to

PALETTE cleanser

I saw chris in the credits, did NOT catch him here

I am upset with myself

grog is canonically a swiftie

"vox machina muppet babies" PRINT IT

oh THAT'S what that was, I thought I was just not remembering something from campaign 1

SHE

Cute Cat Babies

kittenari

"everyone was fantastic this season" as opposed to last season

grgreagrandfather

I'm crying againnnn

animators cried over goop monster, confirmed

cries in digital artist

if a dragon wore pants how would he wear them

"if your skin peels back when you hear it, it's taliesin"

Evil Falcor

"DOES JET FUEL MELT STEEL BEAMS"

does dragon acid melt metal hands

"horrible father" "I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, LAURA"

"there were so many pigs!" "and now they're bacon"

I have appreciated all of the animation so much this season, the color and the light and the aaahhhh

I like pike's little turn on "wwwwhat do you mean"

someone confirm if the guy in the back is supposed to be pipsqueak from atla

"the saddest cannonball"

the toothpick barricades!!

oh shit that's right the last episodes are in like two days

"using blender" the overwatch porn program?

I have something bouncing around my head about how pike and wilhand let grog learn how to be silly but I haven't been able to words it

sketchy pike and groooog

sketchy grog's little hip jut

it's me I'm questions

"because it's cute" is a completely valid answer

I think I commented on matt's jaw dislocating in my original liveblog lmao

"is this gonna kill the animators??"

Grog For Scale

OH WAIT I JUST REMEMBERED THE BEAR TATTOO

…and what happened to the bear tattoo

I feel like sam needs a nap

like mood but also someone let this man sleep

oh no he broke arthur

mica's leaving. mica's just gonna walk out.

all the herdspeople wear collars to hide where the neck seam meets the body

"just say yes"

The Button Arc

wasn't that a veth thing

ashley trying desperately to keep up with sam

"I don't know what I just saw, it doesn't make much sense"

oh good lord

I've said this before but if I would love to hear Sam sing without being a goober

dflksdjfslk

laura breaks IMMEDIATELY

and made NO attempt to try to bring it back

"that's as close to top gun as life is ever gonna get"

"why am I getting southern. you guys have tainted me."

ooh, phil bourassa! there were ostensibly other names in there, I was just typing and didn't hear them.

[cazort]

So like...I'm a part-Jewish (not Jewish but 1/4 Jewish by heritage, Jewish name, and am sometimes targeted by antisemitism) person and I totally agree with the general gist of this video and want to expand on it.

Antisemitism takes legitimately good things about Jewish culture (frugality, valuing of education, strong community identity and desire to support each other) and spins them as negative things. The idea is, because Jews are smart, educated, rich, and band together, they are powerful and control society, and therefore you should fear them because they are controlling and exploiting you.

There is however an element of projection in this criticism of Jews.

The spinning of values such as frugality, communal identity and support, and education as bad things are directly related to American consumerism, which values hyper-individuality, a high-consumption lifestyle, and flaunting of material wealth, and under-emphasizes education. This value system sees Jews, and others who embrace similar values, as a threat because we not only refuse to buy into consumerism, we help others to resist it. We don't buy stuff we don't need, we know what stuff costs and don't get scammed by buying cheap stuff for a high price, we don't get into debt over our heads, we are educated so we are harder to manipulate, and we support each other which makes us even harder to support. Our values directly threaten consumerism.

It is actually consumerism which is the big conspiracy in American society, the phenomenon that keeps people, including black people, down. Examples:

Consumerism tells people to spend beyond their means so that they cannot build debt or accumulate wealth.

Consumerism keeps people in debt, so that their income is spent in service of others, paying interest on loans. As slavery was abolished, debt became a new legalized form of decentralized slavery: people have to work to pay interest on debt, which enriches someone else who isn't working. And unlikely slavery, there's no organized movement to abolish it; people falling into debt is seen as a personal moral failing, like they fell into debt because they lacked self-control.

Consumerism says that you advance yourself by earning more money so that you can display more wealth and thus be higher-status. It defines success in terms of things like how expensive your clothing, cars, or house is.

Consumerism is hyper-individualistic, saying you advance by advancing yourself, not your community, because your value is defined by comparison to others. Material goods are more valuable if they are exclusive, like limited edition cars, rare designer clothing, something that "sets you apart". Charity is performative and not focused on results, which facilitates more scammy "charities" like Susan Komen and American Cancer Society, which reliably just help the rich get richer.

One thing that is so frustrating about Kanye West is that he came tantalizingly close to unraveling the evils of American consumerism at a time when few commercially-successful rappers were doing it. In "All Falls Down" (2004) he rapped about his struggles with credit card debt:

We buy our way out of jail, but we can't buy freedom We'll buy a lot of clothes, but we don't really need 'em Things we buy to cover up what's inside 'Cause they made us hate ourself and love they wealth That's why shorty's hollerin', "Where the ballers at?" Drug dealer buy Jordan, crackhead buy crack And the white man get paid off of all of that But I ain't even gon' act holier than thou 'Cause fuck it, I went to Jacob with twenty-five thou Before I had a house and I'd do it again 'Cause I wanna be on 106 & Park, pushin' a Benz I want to act ballerific like it's all terrific I got a couple past-due bills, I won't get specific I got a problem with spendin' before I get it We all self-conscious, I'm just the first to admit it

It's been so sad to see this man who was onto these gems, descend into the place he has been in recently. The human condition is fragile; you can be onto something good and then go down the wrong path and end up in a very bad place. This is the man who in 2005 he famously said "George (W.) Bush doesn't care about black people." and by 2020 he was endorsing Trump.

I have wondered if Kanye was deliberately targeted by people and recruited into these far-right ideologies as a way of boosting their legitimacy. This Vox article argues that Kanye is utilized by conservative commentators as "proof" that the Trump movement and Republican party as a whole are not racist, and this is likely part of a broader strategy that includes the eager embracing of prominent black far-right people, such as Candace Owens, or even the embracing of formerly non-political people like Hershel Walker, who was recruited by Trump.

High-profile celebrities like Kanye West and Herschel Walker may make easy targets for recruitment into antisemitism because they tend to be deep into consumerism due to their high incomes and high-spending lifestyles, which runs contrary to the "Jewish values" embraced positively by actual Jews, but also spun negatively by antisemitism.

So like...a person who is in debt, instead of directing their anger at the system of predatory lending and the cultural values that pressure them to live beyond their means, they direct it at the "Jews who own and control everything." The cultural association of Jews with banking plays right into this, like the stereotype is that Jews are taking all your money through the banking system, a stereotype that goes back centuries to a prohibition in early Catholicism against lending, and has been exploited by antisemitic movements time and time again.

The way out of this mess is to stop seeing "Jewish" values of frugality, sound resource management, and valuing education and community, as a threat, and start seeing them as what they are, values that everyone can embrace, and that oppressed and marginalized people such as black people, poor people, immigrants, etc. are especially in need of embracing. And start seeing the true evil here as consumerism. Start seeing antisemitism as an attempt to redirect valid anger at consumerism, into irrational hate directed at a group that is already more at odds with consumerism and that has a lot to offer. Start seeing Jews as valuable allies in antiracist work, as a group that not only have a shared interest in breaking down bigotry, but also have cultural values that can help provide some of the tools for self-empowerment and community-empowerment that can help all oppressed people to stand up against the systems that keep them down.

[stilemawillow]

His Eyes and Her Mind [Levi | Reader | High school AU!]

You're slowly browsing through your old Psychology notebook before you pinpoint a sentence that draws your attention. Your reaction is immediate - your lips curl into a condescending smile as you stare at it, highly amused.

'Eyes are a door to one's soul.'

Yeah, as if. You cackle and your boyfriend throws you a strange look from his seat across the table outside the café you're currently at. Honestly, you've never believed this eye to soul connection and there is very little that can change your opinion on the matter.

1. Normal look     Indifference

You walked down the hallway with your best friend Hanji when you saw him. Hanji flipped her brown hair over her shoulder, talking about your Biology lesson, but you could no longer hear her as distinctly. He was walking towards you with his small group of friends - Isabel and Farlan, the girl and boy on both his sides discussing something heatedly as he watched the debate silently.

You were approximately five feet away when he also looked up and saw you. You felt something turn inside you, but it was a daily occurrence around him so you ignored the sign as always and stared into his gunmetal orbs. Your face stayed impassive and so did his as your small groups passed each other down the hallway, but you had to admit you liked the attention he had been giving you recently.

Sure, you'd never really talked, but you'd exchanged plain courtesy and greetings at times when it was inevitably going to happen anyway. You never thought much of it - he was attractive and he was staring at you more than you'd ever seen him stare at anybody, but that was it. It didn't make your heart flutter, your knees wobble or your head spin. It shouldn't have as well.

You just couldn't get his dumb eyes out of your head.

2. Intense stare     Frustration

What's his problem?! You were fucking sure if he kept staring at you like that you were going to get up and slap him at one point. Second term turned out to be your "lucky" one since you now shared three out of seven classes with Levi Ackerman, the one that had been paying you attention since the beginning of the junior school year.

Your brows momentarily furrowed.

Of course, since you'd had only two short-term boyfriends in your life so far and they'd never really paid much attention to you you enjoyed it more than you should've. It still didn't make your knees wobble or your mind fogged up with daydreams of the boy sweeping you off your feet, but you still hadn't even led a proper conversation.

You nervously licked your dry lips.

You were forced to officially meet last month during a project you had to do with three other people, but other than that stiff interaction you'd never even said anything to him and he seemed fine with that. Only recently, however, his attention seemed to have gone to the next level. For a week straight he'd been staring you down like he wanted to come up to you and ask you to willingly give him all your valuable personal belongings.

You got a hand through your hair in frustration.

Today was especially intense for some unknown to you reason, but it was pissing you off since you could feel it and it made you uncomfortable. Did he have some kind of problem with you - your attire, attitude, appearance as a whole? Maybe you pissed him off? Maybe you'd said something wrong? Maybe he was in a bad mood and decided to get it out on you?

A sigh left your lips.

You doubted the last one since Levi always seemed like he was in a bad mood, but you'd never seen him stare at somebody like this just because of that. You didn't know what his stare meant and that pissed you off more than the distracting persistence of his gunmetal hues. You were frustrated up to the point of blowing up any second now - his stare had made you avoid him as a whole less than ten minutes ago.

Your finger started tapping on your notebook impatiently.

The teacher at the front was talking about something you couldn't even pay attention to, Levi's tense orbs were digging holes into your face and the feeling of it was unsettling. So Hanji had been right when she said people could actually feel when they were being watched. You looked up, anything but interested in your work and stared right back into the gunmetal hues of the male across your desk, sharing his best friend's coursebook which had forced him to turn his back to the teacher and his face to you.

You saw his own eyebrow twitch momentarily but his gaze never left yours. You glared hard into his eyes, trying to provoke him, but it was in vain - he didn't react in any way. You tried to read what in the fucking hell had made him this annoyed with you in the first place - could there be any specific reason for his staring?

Your stomach turned again when you saw him get a hand through his silky locks as his eyes left yours. Great, now you were the one staring. Your eyes narrowed and you kept observing him, but he made no effort whatsoever to regain the lost eye contact, which just made you angrier.

Was he trying to make you look like a creep by staring at him? Well, you weren't going to have it.

With a huff, your attention went back to your own coursebook. You could feel his intense stare on your face less than a second after that. To say that you almost broke your pen in half wasn't an understatement.

3. Bashful avoidance     Confusion

He just had to be like that, didn't he? Levi Ackerman, the all mighty, fearless sorta bad boy, sorta nerd. He just had to keep looking at you, giving your desperate being some kind of false hope and a shit ton of mixed signals. And what was worse - he didn't seem to regret it one bit. The worst however was yet to come and it was the unknown. Sometimes it scared you more than your biggest fears.

Fear of heights? Well, this building's last floor may be the fifth or fifty-fifth, wouldn't know with that fog.

Fear of the dark? That room might be lit up by the sun itself, but it could also be pitch black. Wouldn't want to understand which.

Fear of not knowing something? Levi Ackerman might as well tell you he loved or loathed you - you couldn't care less, but the tension of not knowing which of the two it was would break you before his words came out of his mouth.

Of course, the above was just a simple example of the situation at hand, which, in your personal opinion, was way worse. He was staring at you - fine. He made this strange thing happen to your internal organs with his presence - fine. He was charming, strangely kind, attractive, funny, intelligent and somehow generous, and he was paying attention to you of all people - fine. He confused you with his behaviour - not fine.

It had taken him two more days to calm down his intense stare, but he gradually did so and soon enough it was back to how it had always been - exchange of glances along the length of the hallway or up and down the stairs, sometimes even outside during lunch break. You rarely saw him out of school even though he lived in the same neighbourhood as you (which you knew since you regularly took the bus together) which was a relief of kinds. However, his recent behaviour seemed to confuse you more than anything.

First, he paid attention to you. Then, he tried to dig a hole into your face using only his eyes. Next, he stopped staring altogether and instead seemed like he was flirting with some other girl. Sure, she flirted first, but that wasn't much of an excuse. And all of a sudden, he was super friendly with the girl while eyeing you up constantly whenever you saw each other. It confused the fuck out of your mind and you hated not understanding certain things.

Not that you were the best when it came to emotions, socialising and such, but Levi had been remotely easy to read. Well, not now.

He walked into the school building with Farlan, sitting on the bench inside and facing your way (because you and Ymir were sitting on the bench across the room). You had a clear view of his eyes and how they trailed over your face, gently trying to push you to make eye contact with him. You didn't. Not yet anyway. It took you five seconds of a pointless exchange of stupid trivial phrases with Ymir to finally meet his gaze. You'd washed your hair earlier the same morning and combed it as much as you could before going out, so it was not a surprise that Levi noticed that - he always saw the little things.

Under normal circumstances, you'd lock gazes for the overall of ten seconds before either of your friends tore you away from the craved eye contact. This time it was different. Why? Because he looked away in less than a second.

Your brows raised in surprise and you listened to Ymir's story of her and Krista's date with half an ear, nodding occasionally when she would pause. The male's gesture confused you immensely - why did he look away? Was there something wrong with you? Did you not look as good? Of course, the mere fact that the action of his eyes averting from yours made you doubt yourself and grow self-conscious was stupid, but you couldn't help it - he never acted like that and you wanted to know why he did now.

This was where irritation came in. He confused you and you hated being confused, but it was inevitable - his further behaviour only made the issue deepen. The action repeated exactly four times before he and Farlan decided enough was enough and went up the stairs. He would look at you, hold your gaze for less than two seconds and look away as indifferently as possible. There were no changes in his facial expression and you could read nothing in his eyes. You were baffled at that - you were usually the one to look away.

You noticed the nervous tapping of his finger on his knee and the slight twitch of his thin eyebrow, but it wasn't something you considered significant at the time. You should have. Because it was.

4. Piercing glare     Anger

"I told you for the last time - I'm not going out with you, Mark."

Everything was pissing you off - today had started badly and was currently holding a steady pace. You had a pop quiz on your most hated subject so you barely got any sleep. Your mother had broken the coffee machine and your father had refused to fix it so no caffeine for you. And now due to yesterday’s downpoar your muddy shoes made you slip every few seconds.

Also, the constant annoyance bugging at your mind because of Levi's closeness with Petra was wow, what a surprise - annoying. It was troubling you on an emotional level, which was bad because if it was a trivial problem having to do with anything else you'd be in perfect condition to ignore it. Finally, this guy - Mark, who had been hitting on you for the past month suddenly decided to make an appearance during lunch break, block your way to your precious caffeine and ask you out on a date after you'd already refused him approximately five times.

Not to mention, he wasn't from the innocent annoying type - he was from the persistent scary type, where shit could get serious if you got too aggressive yourself. And right now, all you wanted was to get some fucking coffee and go back to class.

"Why, (Y/N)? You don't have a boyfriend." Mark put his hand on the tree which you'd found solace next to up until this moment, turning it into a trap that had just clicked instead. You found his smug strangely irritating today, to the point you could punch him if he tried anything funny.

"I just don't see you in that way, I don't want to waste my time." You retorted, teeth gritting in annoyance before the male decided to stop playing around. There weren't many people around you since the only coffee machine in a mile's radius was pretty far away and most students preferred to spend their time in the little shops around the school building and the cafeteria instead.

"So you're saying I'm a waste of time?" Mark leaned closer to you and his eyebrows furrowed, his pretty face finally showing its true colours. He had dirty blond curly hair and plain brown eyes, he was rather muscular and tall - all things he felt immensely proud of. Despite his face and body, however, he wasn't overly popular - he played sports and loved to hook up with every girl a bit above average, which really brought him down into the eyes of the female population in your school, resulting in some major disapproval coming from the student body.

"I'm saying it will waste our time as a whole, it's useless." You said, trying to ignore the way you wanted to punch him straight in the jaw. Maybe it wouldn't even work, but trying would surely satisfy your inner aggressive side - you just had to imagine you were hitting that stupid girl that was flirting with Levi.

"Not if I say it's not." Mark argued, making you turn your face to the side because of how close he was getting to you.

"Are you threatening me?" You inquired slowly with narrowed eyes. He just laughed at you before smirking down at your face.

"Do you want me to threaten you or will you agree to go out with me willingly?"

"Does that mean if I don't say 'yes' you'll force me?"

"Yes." He looked like the Big Bad Wolf about to have breakfast when he put his other hand on the tree behind you, pinning you between his arms. "When I want something I get it." His expression may have been seductive, but to you it was disgusting - how could such a male survive so long in society when he was this stupid and forceful?

"Didn't know you were a rapist besides being a womanizer." You pointed out, only to have the daylights slapped out of you a second later.

"Shut up!" He should have been thankful there weren't people around, otherwise, somebody would have come and stopped him by now. You guessed you wouldn't be able to have your coffee soon. The slap made your cheek sting and your eyes narrowed in fury. Sure, you couldn't do anything to fight him off except kick him in the nuts, which wouldn't do as much as you'd want it to, but you could sure as hell glare at him all you wanted.

"You're pathetic, you can't even take a rejection." You faced Mark, angry yet scared of what he might do to you now. You weren't going to let him have his way just because he was stronger, though. His face twisted in fury and he grasped your wrist, bruising the skin with his calloused fingers. He was about to hit you again with his other hand before it happened.

"Let go." Another male growled behind Mark's back. "Right. Now."

"Since when are you interested in protecting people? Or is it just this bitch?" Mark snarled at the other male, which you soon came to understand was actually Levi. Your eyes were wide as you stared at his frown. You doubted you'd ever seen him that angry.

"Are you sure you can question me right now?" The raven-haired boy asked with furrowed brows and a glare so hard you thought it would burn you if he directed it towards your eyes. Mark flinched and you felt his grip on your wrist loosen up a bit.

"What do you think you can do to me, Ackerman?" The blond asked cockily even though you could see his jaw clench in helplessness. You realised who would win if they got in a fight and honestly - if somebody asked you to name one thing that would probably make you piss yourself from fear it was going to be Levi's glare in the current moment. It burned with the intensity of a raging fire for unknown to you reasons - it couldn't be because of you, right? He was probably here to get himself coffee and decided to play 'save the damsel in distress' on the way to the machine.

"Do you wanna see?" Levi closed in on you and Mark and you felt your wrist fall from his hold as he stepped back. Levi cracked his knuckles and the blond gulped. You didn't really think Levi's words were what scared him off.

"I'm just tired because I had a match during PE. Next time this won't happen." He ran faster than anything you'd seen after that, leaving you and Levi all alone.

"Because there won't be a next time." The raven mumbled to himself dangerously low. His glare moved from the ground to you and you felt your blood boil. You glared back at him and pushed yourself off the tree with furrowed eyebrows and a scowl.

"What a fucking dumbass! I could handle him, you know, I didn't need your help!" You exclaimed in the raven's face. Surprisingly that was probably the first proper conversation you were having with him after your stiff official meeting.

"Do you really think so? Because I think you would've been raped in less than ten minutes." He pointed out in the most indifferent voice ever, making you try to dig a hole into his skull with your eyes. His glare was making you angrier yourself. When he stepped closer to you and gently wrapped his fingers around your bruised wrist your expression twisted in disgust and you yanked your hand away from his hold, ignoring how his glare had actually scared you moments ago.

You stepped away from him and went away, but not before snarling: "Don't fucking touch me."

5. Shocked gleam     Fright

"Hanji, stop talking about this, it's stupid." You were walking down the stairs with your brown-haired friend once again - a week or so had passed after the whole 'Mark incident' and surprisingly enough he never even approached you after that, it was like he was afraid to. You didn't pay much attention to it, going back to your routine of stealing glances at Levi Ackerman from time to time when he wasn't looking and hoping his gaze was tracing your face just as much as yours did his.

Unfortunately, you kept catching Petra Ral flirting with him and there was nothing you could do about it but blame yourself for not having the self-esteem to talk to him like she did. Right now, the discussed topic was close to your problems.

"I'm just saying if you mustered up some courage and started talking to him regularly his interest would pick up and hers would fade. The boy's basically staring at you every chance he gets, (Y/N)." Hanji argued as you pushed your way down the stairs through the other students going up. You knew Levi and Farlan were somewhere behind you since you had the same class together now, you just hoped neither of them would pick up on your conversation with the brown-haired girl.

"Hanji, I said stop. I don't want to talk about it anymore. Period." You stated harshly, looking at the girl next to you and clutching your backpack tighter. You briefly heard 'look at this' before someone bumped into you from behind and you lost your footing on the steps. Your body, your backpack and your combat boots tumbled down the stairs with nothing to catch on.

For a small second, you managed to use some student's shoulder to try and stabilise yourself, but it didn't work - it just turned your body so that you would fall on your back once the fateful moment came. You had a clear view of Hanji's parted lips and horrified expression. Right next to her, however, you saw something you may have just as well imagined with everything moving so fast.

Levi's hand was pushing through the students to get down faster and his eyes screamed something you couldn't really read. They gleamed in a way you never thought you'd see, like he'd seen his favourite cat get run over by a car on the street. Or something of the sort. You felt something grasp your hand, but had no time to see what exactly. The impact was here.

You didn't have time to analyse his wide eyes because your world went black less than a second after you were exposed to the complex sight.

Two hours later, you woke up in the infirmary with a giant headache and a panicked Hanji coming to visit you once classes were over. During your stay, you asked the nurse what had happened, but the only thing she said confused you even more: "If I understood correctly, the boy's arm almost broke when he used it to soften your fall. Well, you didn't get out completely uninjured since your back is bruised, but maybe you were actually lucky."

The next day Levi didn't come to school.

6. Deep gaze     Care

Calm, (Y/N), keep calm. It's all fine. You repeated over and over again in your head. Not like you had a chance to begin with, it's not a big deal.

Your breaths were coming out ragged and you felt like you weren't trembling because the ground in front of the side entrance of the school building was cold. A month, that was how long Levi had talked to you for. After the incident on the stairs at school and Levi's short absence after that, he started nodding to you when you'd see each other in the halls and you'd throw him a small smile, acknowledging his greeting. That went on for about two weeks before he came to you one day and asked to work with you since Farlan was absent and they always used the same coursebook. You'd said 'yes' without thinking much. Needless to say, you didn't really use the coursebook much that day yourself, you were too busy stealing glances at the male's face from up close and he was too nervous to actually read the exercises you were supposed to be doing.

After that it became a routine for him to approach you at least once a day - he'd give you a plain greeting, ask you about the classes you shared or if you wanted to get coffee together during lunch break (you felt he'd become overprotective after Mark even though there was no reason to be overprotective over you and no danger as a whole). There was always an excuse. Once he even sat next to you on the bus when there were no more free seats. You were happy, your mind was filled with butterflies and your stomach welled up with pleasant thoughts when he was around - or was it supposed to be the other way around?

It didn't matter since for a month you were the happiest girl on Earth.

And then Petra Ral came along. Needless to say, things started becoming shaky and you were drifting away - you didn't want to mess up her flirting with him. He seemed like he didn't notice or he was purely being an asshole and doing it on purpose. Not that it really mattered, you caught them making out less than four hours ago during lunch break. The worst was that he made eye contact right before breaking apart.

Not with her, with you. You would've felt sorry for her because her partner was clearly not paying attention to the activity she was putting so much effort (and tongue) into, but you hated her guts out of pure spite so you couldn't even care about emotions connected to empathy.

It's not his fault, he didn't give me any false hope - I created it myself.

That was your calming chant - he didn't do it just to break your heart, he did it because he wanted to be kind or use your coursebook when Farlan was gone. It wasn't to hurt you intentionally. It sounded stupid now that you thought about it - hoping for anything out of Levi Ackerman. He barely knew you and you barely knew him. Usually, you'd counter yourself with the argument you hadn't even led a proper conversation, but the worst here was that that was invalid now - you'd led many conversations throughout the past month and you'd enjoyed every single one of them no matter how stupid or trivial. For God's sake, you even enjoyed discussing different types of coffee and tea with him.

You weren't crying - you were having something like a minor panic attack, where you just trembled like a leaf and couldn't stop thinking about throwing your useless being in front of some passing bus. Truth be told, you hated these moments - if somebody had seen you during them that was Hanji and Hanji only. You'd never even let your parents understand about it even though the signs must've been there. The twitching, the trembling, the sweating, the ragged breathing. It was there. All of it was out there and if Levi ever saw it he'd truly give up on whatever you had even if it was as insignificant as your existence in the current moment.

You tried to laugh, but it came out messed up - like a person choking. You sat there for five more minutes - in the cold with the wind brushing your hair before you burrowed your face in your knees and closed your eyes. You could feel the tears, but they didn't want to come out. It was useless - crying about a boy that didn't even care about you.

Then somebody gently bumped your leg with their arm. Your head shot up and your hand instinctively reached for the pepper spray in your pocket, the one your father had given you as a Christmas present many months ago. Your eyes widened when you saw who was in front of you.

"Levi," you said, "why are you here?"

His face was expressionless as he gestured towards the cup in his hand. Your eyebrows furrowed and your hand went out of your pocket to grasp the carton cup he was clearly handing you. You smelled the beverage inside, relishing in the pleasant aroma of coffee. It made a smile spring out on your lips. Before you could register what was happening Levi had sat down next to you - closer than a guy with a girlfriend was supposed to sit next to another girl when they were all alone. The action made you flinch, but you didn't move away - it was a rare thing you got to sit this close to him.

You could smell his cologne - it was a fresh, strong smell that made you want to rub your face all over his chest. The male ran a hand through his ebony locks and you marvelled at the sight of his hair's softness. His body was oozing heat, beckoning you to go closer, as close as possible, and lay your head on his chest as his warm arms wrapped around you. You didn't.

"So, about today..." He started, sounding strangely stiff. You sipped from your coffee, warming your cold fingers with the cup and listening. Your stomach took one of those unpleasant turns, but you didn't let it show on your face.

"What exactly about today?"

"I don't even know if I should be discussing this with you, for all I know Farlan's sixth sense may be way too off the shitty map and you don't actually---" His confidence was gone once his panicked gaze met your curious orbs. He seemed confused, disgruntled and so many others. You were perplexed at his behaviour - was he usually this twitchy when it came down to your normal conversations? No, he wasn't, you figured a few seconds later.

"Well," you started after seeing he wouldn't continue, "I don't really know about Farlan's sixth sense, but I---"

"The kiss." He'd cut you off so abruptly you felt like he'd knocked the air out of your lungs with those two short syllables. "The kiss with Petra, it wasn't anything important. It was just a kiss." He continued, getting a hand through his hair again and scratching the back of his undercut with discomfort. "I know we both seem to acknowledge something without me saying it - something about us." You could guess where he was going with that. He meant the constant staring, all the glances and whatnot before you'd started talking. Or at least you thought he meant that. "Petra means nothing, she was just--- she was flirting with me I just didn't stop her because I wasn't sure if you... felt anything."

"... okay."

"Is it?" He asked once his eyes met yours. Your breath hitched in your throat and your fingers felt like ice even though they'd warmed up considerably. "Is it okay? Are you?"

"Everything's fine." Your forced smile turned out way more genuine than expected. His gaze was firm and his eyebrows were furrowed - he was trying to detect a lie somewhere along your sentence. He sighed when that didn't happen and for a few seconds, you were both silent. You were trying to process the situation.

Levi. Feelings. She was just flirting. Am I feeling anything?

Your heartbeat was erratic enough to answer in your stead. Then you looked up from the cup in your hands and met his gaze. You'd be lying if you said it wasn't the most mesmerizing thing you'd seen in your life. His eyes, so grey and so soft, pulled you in, it was like you couldn't look away from them. They were special, he was special and he made you feel special. Why was it that he looked at you with such affection? Were you reciprocating the gaze? You didn't know, but you felt like you could stay like that for hours.

And that was when it happened. Before you even had time to escape his warm hypnotising gaze.

He leaned in and kissed you.

7. Careless eyeroll     Reluctance

"You have to go." Hanji insisted, having already annoyed you as much as possible with her various arguments on the topic of your stubbornness.

"And you have to rethink the rights you have over my actions as a self-conscious human being." You replied boredly before placing a hand in front of your mouth in fake shock. "Oh, that's right - they don't exist in the first place." You gasped fakely, making her roll her eyes at your behaviour - forced nonchalance. She knew you wanted to accept the invitation but were too afraid everything would be ruined before you even had the chance to meet up.

"Would you please stop mocking me with those complex phrases, (Y/N)? You won't die if you go to a movie with him." The brunette insisted once more before you turned the corner and you frowned at her.

"Sure, not physically, but I'll be dying the whole time mentally - of embarrassment." You sassed, making the brown-haired girl huff in determination as she walked you to your next class. Your schedules differed the second term, so you could only see her during breaks and inbetween other classes. Right now you seriously didn't want to see her, though. She'd been pestering you about Levi's invitation for the past week.

"So it's decided, you will go." She stated, making you gape at her as you both stopped in front of the door for your next class.

"I never sa---"

"The tense, (Y/N), the tense is the key." Hanji cut you off with a cocky smirk and a mischievous gleam in her brown hues. Of course, she'd just forced you to accept. You had no choice - you knew the raven would probably remind you of it as well and you'd have to finally give him a proper answer.

"Shut up, Hanji." You glared at your best friend before she pushed you into the room.

"Now go." She ushered from the doorway while pointing in Levi's direction and you threw her a dirty look before stomping away. Less than three steps later he turned around and looked into your eyes, making you almost trip over your own feet.

"Hi." You greeted awkwardly as the male took out his notebook and eyed you up from head to toe. His gaze made you nervous and your knees were about to start wobbling when he spoke up.

"So about my earlier request, which you've been avoiding to answer for about a week?" Levi pushed gently although in a you-don't-have-a-choice-but-to-answer way, making you avert your eyes to the other side of the room in hopes of seeming calmer than you were. You knew it wouldn't work that well, but you hoped to have at least looked nonchalant.

"... I accept." Was your brief answer as your eyes glanced at Levi's visage secretly and directed themselves to the floor right after.

"I guess I should be grateful?" He rolled his eyes at you, reluctance dripping from the sentence. You knew his face would be a bit softer even though you weren't looking at it. You were good at guessing by his voice (not that it always worked), so right now you acknowledged he was just trying to tease you.

"If I don't see Petra Ral giving you a blowjob afterwards it's going to be fine." You said mockingly with narrowed eyes, which just called for some fake concern on his side. Of course, he and Petra had not become official, but anything was possible. You held resentment for that girl more than you did for yourself - that was something deserving of a medal.

"That was uncalled for." Levi tried to protect her boredly as your eyes finally met his.

"Yes, you're right, but that does not change my mind on the matter." Your tone was firm as you walked towards your own desk, close enough to his so you could connect them and look at the same coursebook. He followed behind silently.

"Fine." He mumbled while watching you put your backpack on the desk. You started digging through the numerous notebooks and course books for the ones you needed currently, which probably reminded him of your little tradition to share a coursebook. "The coursebook?" He inquired, asking if you've brought it which was stupid because you'd never forget it (no matter if you were going to admit it or not, you'd always put it first in your backpack because it gave you a reason to be close to him).

"It's here." You announced once having laid it down on the desk next to your notebook and he got to work with pushing your desks closer.

"Thank you by the way." He mumbled once class had started and your teacher had entered the room. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion as you looked into his bright grey eyes.

"What for?" You asked quietly as he eyed up the exercise your teacher had just written on the board. He didn't look up again for the next three seconds. All you were given after that was a brief glance filled with something you couldn't understand before Levi's eyes were pinned back to the coursebook.

"... maybe I should leave you to figure it out yourself."

8. Grinning glimmer     Happiness

The weather was calm, it was around noon and strong wind had been making the trees' branches bend mere minutes ago. Snow covered the ground all around, there had been a storm during the night and judging by the white inches stacked on top of the ground it hadn't been all that light. Now the sun was shining in the blue sky deprived of clouds and the air was cold and so still you could bet time itself wouldn't move until some wind blew by.

You fidgeted uncomfortably and stood in front of the wooden door of the small single-storey house, contemplating whether you should knock or run away now that you still had time to do it. Fate didn't really leave you a choice since just as you were about to turn round the door opened and made your eyes widen in alarm. You looked up and faced the person who had opened it with an insecure expression.

"... hey." You greeted after a small pause while Levi still processed your presence at his doorstep.

"What are you doing here?" His eyebrows furrowed and you drew your hands from behind your back, handing him the little box you were holding. The chilly air made your face go red anyway, so you hoped he wouldn't notice the change in its colour due to other causes as you talked.

"I was passing close by and I thought I could come and say 'hi'. So, hi, I guess." You smiled awkwardly, making him raise a thin eyebrow as he took the grey box from your hands. "And I bought this for you, but since we're in the middle of winter break I didn't really have a pretext to see you, so I might've created it... or something." You switched your weight between your left and right foot during your explanation while Levi stared at you wondrously.

"... for Christmas?" He questioned after a slight pause and you noticed he might've been cold judging by the way he only had on a plain pair of jeans and a sweatshirt.

"No, it's for your birthday. Happy birthday by the way." You smiled a bit, eyeing him up from head to toe again and starting to regret having come at all. You guessed it would've been better if you'd waited until the end of winter break to give it to him. "Um, I guess I have to go." You stepped backwards before he smirked slightly and a mischievous gleam shone in his eyes.

"And insult the tradition?" He inquired slyly as your eyebrows furrowed and you looked at him in confusion.

"What tradition?" You witnessed the flicker of his eyes to the doorframe above your heads and what you saw there made your breath hitch, something the raven was able to pinpoint quickly due to the chilly weather making every breath you took exit in the form of a white puff of smoke. Your eyes were still pinned to the object at the top of the doorframe. A mistletoe. "... oh. I'm not really sur---"

Before you had time to finish refusing the very generous yet embarrassing offer, Levi had stepped closer and cupped your cheek with his warm hand. His lips pressed to yours in a rather long, tender kiss and you felt yourself basically melting outside his doorstep. It was as if sparks flew about in your mind - just like the first time he'd kissed you. When his lips parted from yours and you opened your eyes, you saw his orbs glimmering so brightly it was as if he'd grinned your way.

"Thank you for the present, (Y/N)." He whispered, hot breath hitting your lips, and when he stepped back again you could swear he was mentally laughing at your frozen stance. You almost stumbled on your way away from the door.

"S-See you at school!" You waved, turning around and basically running away as fast as possible from the embarrassment, your boots crushing the soft snow under them down the path to your own home. You were a coward, but a happy feeling was bubbling in your chest, and God, for that look in his eyes you'd bear a lot more humiliation and possible snowstorms.

9. Foggy narrowness     Arousal

Indecent. That was what you were being right now.

"You shouldn't have gotten detention because of me." Levi scoffed, grey orbs eyeing the empty room you were currently in after today's accident during lunch break when he'd gone to fetch coffee for both of you and you'd waited for him by the entrance even after most students had gone back inside the building because of the bad weather.

"And you shouldn't have been an asshole to a teacher to begin with." You scolded him back, your eyes, in turn, being pinned to his face and the desperate way he was holding himself back from looking at you as well because he was supposedly mad. You were leaning on the desk he'd seated himself at, seeing as the teacher in charge of detention was still nowhere to be seen.

"He was feeling you up." Levi said as if it would justify the whole situation and indeed, it did. You didn't know what you two were - certainly not an official couple anyway, but you were closer than before and now offered each other physical affection more often without as much embarrassment being present (although it still happened when you were all alone).

Your face went cold and that was exactly when he decided to direct his gaze your way - it was cold and sharp and you knew he'd seen right through you, almost immediately so. You'd been scared. Disgusted. Your fingers started fidgeting with the hem of your shirt and you averted your gaze to the floor at your feet.

"... doesn't matter, you almost punched him." You said accusingly and Levi rolled his eyes at your stupid excuse.

"I would've if we'd been outside of school territory." He declared and something in that sentence of somewhat sweet protectiveness (although expressed through aggression) made you extremely uncomfortable. You still hadn't told him anything about your feelings and he about his, you'd only gone out on numerous dates and spent an enormous amount of time looking at each other more openly - you rarely spoke of each other's feelings and you felt discomfort just thinking of the moment that would be needed for you to sustain this thing you had going on. You didn't know if Levi thought the same. You groaned in slight exasperation and turned your head toward the door of the room.

"Ugh. Where's the teacher in charge of detention anyway? We've been here for ten minutes now." You complained, wanting to talk of something else since it was obvious the raven had won this little argument of yours. Levi took the chance to stand up and lean close to you and when you turned back round his eyes were way closer than anticipated.

They pulled you in but weren't as sharp as every other day. When he leaned closer and kissed you, you got a hunch why it was that way. During the kiss, his hand placed itself on your thigh and his whole body hovered over yours like predator hovered over pray prior to the finishing blow.

"... the teacher can come in any second now, Levi." You warned firmly yet in a small voice once the raven had started kissing down your neck. You felt giddy because it was nice and wow - since when was that so pleasant? Your previous boyfriends had also done this, but with Levi, it wasn't quite the same - maybe it was him or maybe it was the circumstances and the chance of you getting caught by a teacher, but you felt extremely good, almost to the point you'd let it go further despite the way you were in a classroom.

"I'm aware." The raven droned from the crook of your neck where he'd been sucking on a second ago and you let out a sharp breath when his hand snuck under your shirt. His head lifted so he could face you again and his eyes were on your lips.

"Then stop." You kept playing the role of common sense even though this situation wasn't entirely all that dangerous. Levi's smoky hues were pinned to your own and you noticed they were more narrow than usual, like he didn't even want to waste energy on keeping them open but he just had to. For a second you thought the whole look on his face was something you didn't come across every day or even when you were alone. When he kissed you again it dawned on you why.

His lips pressed against yours felt soft and pleasant, his breath was made of tea and mint and it turned your mind hazy. You felt like half the blood in your body went to your face when his tongue invaded your mouth and his hands found your breasts over your bra. You felt the softness of his hair but were so out of it you were unable to open your eyes. Or do anything but kiss him. You couldn't recall feeling the same way during your make-out sessions with your previous boyfriends - this was a whole new sensation, a combination of thrill and something that made your face flush as your chest swelled with pleasant warmth.

"They won't do anything to us for this." He declared as if he made the rules and you had to blink a few times to come to your senses - your arms were thrown around his neck, your fingers were in his hair and your legs were wrapped around his waist - how long had this kiss been? He was looking down at you in the sexiest way possible and honestly, how could you possibly refuse that face?

"They can do a lot to us for what's about to follow." You worded warningly, knowing where things would go if you didn't resist even though a small part of you told you he'd never dare do it in school when it would be your first time together. You didn't listen to it, keeping in mind your all-time favourite motto that all men were pigs and they'd take advantage of any and every situation that provided it.

Levi didn't. He kept kissing you, left you breathless, gifted you a few hickeys to go home with and gave you a lot more of that sultry look that almost made your knees give out, but never provided you with legitimate proof of your motto's rightfulness and it was about at that moment when you were walking home afterwards when you realised---

If you hadn't been at school you would've certainly had sex and what was worse - you wouldn't have had anything against it had it been with him.

10. Calculating ice       Thoughtfulness

"I don't approve of this relationship." You heard Levi take a breath from across the form of your father and his crossed arms.

"Dad, Levi isn't---" You tried to argue but were quickly shut up. It was seven in the morning. Thankfully, also a Saturday.

"Oh, he is! He invited you to that party and when you were so wasted you couldn't walk he could only think of how to park you in his bed! The next morning you call us with a hangover and this punk walks you here because apparently you've been together for almost about a year now but he still doesn't know where you live!" You frowned, not possessing enough bravery to speak against your father. Fortunately, you had your mother for that.

"James, calm down." She placed a hand on his shoulder as he grumbled in his armchair. You and Levi were seated on the couch, still in your pyjamas.

"I don't want to, Melissa! I don't like this boy and I don't want him around my daughter!" Even though it was a hiss directed at your mother, all occupants of the room including the aforementioned 'boy' managed to hear it. You looked over at Levi next to you, pondering whether you should grasp his hand or think up an excuse to let him leave before this became a full-on argument.

"Our daughter." Your mother's voice was firm and her eyes didn't dare leave your father's face to console you but you were too indulged in the look on Levi's face to notice it. Or in other words, the lack of a particular look on his face.

"If she's yours as much as she's mine then why aren't you worried about her as well?" Your father argued, making your frown deepen. The raven next to you had his elbows propped on his knees and his eyes staring at the carpet under his feet. His expression was devoid of any emotion - his face was perfectly relaxed with the exception of his furrowed eyebrows. His eyes were filled with thoughts you couldn't decipher, the usual grey now felt like frozen silver.

"I'm sure he means well, if they've been in a relationship for a year and this is the first mistake he's made, he can't possibly be bad influence." Your mother's voice was hushed but you heard it - Levi did, too. You placed a hand over the one he'd put on his knee. You could feel his finger tapping the fabric of his jeans as if he tried to tune everything else out and concentrate - he did that during tests at school.

"... I'm sorry, Levi." You whispered, bringing your face slightly closer to his. He didn't look at you. The ice in his eyes kept still, pinned to the floor. "Don't listen to him, I know just as much as you do we're both at fault." The regret was heard in your voice but the raven decided not to address it. He pursed his lips, then parted them.

"Maybe your father's right." His gaze was still on the floor. Still icy.

"He's not!" You raised your voice, briefly noting how your parents had stopped their own discussion and were now listening to yours. Your fingers slowly retracted from Levi's hand as he looked at you, face not changing in the least. You felt the gelidity in his eyes freeze the blood in your veins.

"Should we end this?" He questioned in a small voice - small but firm. Your reaction was immediate. Your expression hardened and you glared daggers his way, eyebrow twitching. You pursed your lips, forming a proper reply although a very big 'no' would work just as well.

"When it hasn't even started officially? I refuse." You spat, way more coldly than anticipated. Levi's eyes didn't soften, he was still considering this as a possibility. Your parents, however, were shocked. You grasped Levi's hand again, glare softening to a firm gaze instead. You attempted to make him change his mind - ten seconds were needed for you to succeed.

And afterwards, you swore, you didn't want to have to do it again.

11. Bright shine       Love

"Your boyfriend's got quite the style." Hanji showed up during the break, linking her arm with yours and leading you down the hallway to your next class together. You raised an eyebrow at her statement, not so much as the person who was addressed in it - she'd started calling Levi 'your boyfriend' although he still hadn't confirmed your couple status. "Everybody's discussing it. The girls mostly." She whispered devilishly in your ear, smirking rather big.

Your brows knitted together in oblivion as you walked to your next class. It was a class you also had with Levi. You'd see what Hanji had meant in just a minute. Before that, you had to get into the classroom, though, and at the current moment, it proved a near-impossible task with all the girls in front of it.

Some had their arms linked like you and Hanji, others were pretending to walk around, third leaned on the walls and some just didn't put effort into being subtle - they were the ones standing at the very door and looking inside. Your face turned sour like you'd bitten into a lemon and you glanced at Hanji. Was this what she had meant? All the girls were discussing something, giggling inbetween phrases and shooting frantic glances at the door.

"Students coming through, I've a VIP package to deliver to the hot guy inside, you know!" Hanji called out loudly, making you choke on your own spit in embarrassment. Then, as the girls actually let you pass and stared at you in confusion, you made sure to metaphorically stab her with your glare a few times. She only chuckled, and then you were inside the classroom.

Levi was... quick to notice. He popped out amongst the rest inside, not so much because of the fact he looked good but because his no-white clothes policy had obviously taken over him completely as he'd been choosing today's attire this morning. He was wearing a black, long-sleeved button-up shirt, tucked into a pair of impeccably ironed black dress pants. The dress coat and shining shoes were touches that people noticed when looking further into it. And the glare he had on surely prevented most from doing it.

Hanji let go of your arm and pushed you in his direction, he was sitting at his desk, already having adjoined it with yours, and attempting to ignore the people around him. You walked forward, self-conscious because of the all-black dress you were wearing and how it would quickly draw attention. Had it been a coincidence for you to match colours?

"Good morning." You greeted once having taken a seat next to him. "You're the talk of school today as it seems." You tried making your voice nonchalant. The few gazes on your forms, dressed so similarly and sitting next to each other, was plain frustrating.

"And you're my VIP package." Levi stated boredly from the desk next to yours, looking up and into your eyes. He saw them widen as pink tinted your cheeks. You thought he wouldn't have been able to hear. "Hanji tends to be a bit louder than needed." He informed when you dared not address the topic yourself.

"I know. So, what's the occasion for your attire? Are you attempting another gothic phase?" You joked with a small smirk, eyeing his clothes from up close and admiring the way he managed to look good in all black. It made him seem a bit more grown-up, contrasting his porcelain skin yet matching the colour of his ebony locks. His eyes were a nice addition. If you didn't know him, you'd think he was a college graduate, not a senior in high school.

"The funeral's right after classes end right? I thought I'd come since you'll be representing your family all alone. You were telling Hanji on the phone you didn't know anyone there, so now you'll know me." His voice, indifferent yet soft, made your stomach take a warm turn before a giant grin pulled at the corners of your mouth. You covered it with your hand as Levi met your gaze and added: "You'll have to introduce me as your boyfriend, though."

Oh God. This was it. You knew Levi. You knew his expressions and his voice and his eyes. And they told you what you'd been waiting for - a confirmation.

"Sure, it won't be hard." You showed him your grin with a small shrug just as the teacher entered the room, having shooed away all the girls in the hallway. You quickly pulled out your notebook and the coursebook you shared with Levi for the second school year in a row, placing them in the middle of your desk. You opened your notebook and stared at the empty lines with a smile.

Hello, this is my boyfriend, Levi. You giggled as quietly as possible and Levi shot you a questioning look.

"Just practising." His features didn't soften but his eyes shone abnormally in your direction - they were tender and so bright it could've been blinding, but you found it mesmerizing. Your heart fluttered in your chest and you felt Levi's hand on top of your own. You bit back a smile. It wasn't a success.

God, how I love this boy. The realisation that followed wasn't even something that you minded. It just made you smile harder. Because somewhere along the bored lines and the bright gaze you could see he loved you just as much.

"So, what in the fucking hell are you reading?" Your boyfriend's question brings you back to reality and you blink at him for a few seconds before having collected your thoughts. You look back down at the notebook. The sentence is highlighted in neon yellow and it's giving you a weird feeling.

"Just... Psychology." You answer simply, contemplating the end and the beginning. From indifference to love. From glances to being together. From strangers to lovers. And now...?

"And it's funny because?" He questions and in return you snort condescendingly.

"Well, because it's so stupidly inaccurate tha---" You look up and the word dies at the back of your throat. He's looking at you with confusion, but under that, there's a silver layer of warmth that makes your heart skip a beat. You gulp and laugh in spite of yourself, he raises an eyebrow. "You know what? I don't even know anymore."

"Are you okay?" He gets a hand through his ebony locks and you watch, as always mesmerized by the little gestures he performs.

"Perfectly fine." You give him a small smile as he looks at you expectantly. He knows you want to say something, that something's prodding at your thoughts. Spill the beans, his gaze tells. And you do. "Have I told you I love you?" You blurt out, borderline nervously. You feel weird but it's not because of him, it's because of the realisation that has dawned on you.

"Just yesterday actually." He informs casually and picks up his cup of tea. Only a tea-lover like him drinks it during the summer. Or a psychopath - it is yet to be decided. You eye him for a few seconds but pause right before responding.

"... good." You say with a soft smile. He meets your gaze and he's still clueless but somehow he's seen something that makes him utter a simple 'stupid' under his breath as he rolls his eyes. You say nothing in return to the subtle insult.

"So, are you going to next week's exam or sleeping?"

"The latter sounds tempting." You respond, making him snort.

"Of course it does."

"You?" You question back and his gaze meets yours, you feel the air of superiority around him and already know what he'll say.

"Yeah, and if I pass I have to wait for the winter exams." He explains boredly, twirling your pen in his hold as you close up your old Psychology notebook.

"Cool. I have to take it and two others. Then I can get some rest." You sigh longingly and he glares.

"And work done."

"Oh, don't bring it up." You roll your eyes and your shoulders sag in despair. Your boyfriend is not one to obey orders, he's usually the one to give them. His imperative gaze settles on your pleading one and he opens his mouth.

"You were the one who told me to start working on a fucking book. Better work on your own stupid paintings." He commands, making you groan in exasperation. If it wasn't for you he wouldn't be halfway done with his brick of a suspense novel, but if it wasn't for him you wouldn't be past your first painting. And you wouldn't have found a buyer for it. But now you have to do more paintings and you just can't figure out your muse. You've little to no motivation and the exams are stressing you out while your boyfriend sips on his tea and has the audacity to tell you to get your ass moving.

"Fine." You groan with finality, admitting your loss. "Sometimes I really hate your perfectionist ass, Levi."

"And sometimes I really hate your slothful ass, but opposites attract. That's what Hanji says right?" His grey hues glisten mockingly and you smirk.

"Often when you're mentioned, yes." You confirm, smug look melting into an affectionate expression as Levi grasps your hand and interlocks your fingers. "It's a little hot for that." You inform and when he starts to let go, you grab onto his fingers tightly and smile. "I never said you should let go." The pointed phrase meets only a huff as your boyfriend sips from his tea.

You meet his gaze and try to remember a time when you haven't been mesmerised by his eyes. There isn't such a moment. You become aware of the look he's giving you, your smile grows and your eyes soften. Three years later and he hasn't changed a bit. You catch yourself returning the affectionate gaze as a conclusion settles into your mind.

There is very little that can make you change your opinion on the matter of this stupid eye to soul connection.

Very little but it's there - efficient and determined.

And his name is Levi.

[rullande]

hello . i am high! and i miss u guys kind of

[ellesliterarycorner]

Getting Your Writing Organized

I absolutely hate having documents labeled “Untitled document” in my Google Docs. It makes me so sad when I scroll through Docs, and I see at least five untitled documents just sitting there. How am I supposed to know what’s in there? Do I open up every single Untitled Document to find out what inside them? The world may never know. And it’s the worst feeling in the world when I’m looking for a specific document that has the idea I came up with at 3AM to solve all of my plot holes, but I vaguely remember not giving it a name, and now I have to sort through all of the Untitled documents to find the one I’m looking for. It may be a little tedious to sort through your documents and organize them, but it’ll probably save you a whole lot of time and frustration in the long run.

Google Docs Superiority 

Sorry to all of you Word users, but I do believe in Google Docs superiority. I just love not having to worry about saving my docs because I would cry if I forgot to save something, and then I lost everything that I had written. I’m not saying that you should absolutely use Google Docs, and a lot of these tips are transferrable to other platforms, but they will be Google Doc heavy. Honestly, it doesn’t really matter wether you chose to use Google Docs, Word, Scrivener, or Pages, but once you choose a platform that works best for you, your writing system, and your daily routine, I would stick to it just so all of your documents are on the same platform. One of the reasons I love Google Docs is because I can edit things I’ve written on my computer on my phone and vice-versa, so I never feel like I’m disconnected from my writing. Some people don’t like to write on their phones, so it doesn’t matter to them if they can write on their phones. Others don’t even like to write on electronic devices at all, so having a cache of notebooks, journals, and binders is the way to go. 

My Room Isn’t Even This Organized

No, literally, I can hardly keep my room clean, but my Google Docs folders are so immaculate. When you’ve decided on your platform of choice, I would start organizing everything into broader categories. I organize my big folders by WIP, poetry, personal, and crackhead/3 A.M randomness. Here is a picture for us visual learners: 

Having these larger folders is a great way just to separate all of your documents, so you have at the very least a vague idea of what you’re getting into when you open each of these folders. Today we’re going to be looking into the folder for my main WIP: The Trials of Flesh and Flames or TToFF. 

There’s a picture of the inside of my folder. I have 12 sub-folders with different categories. One for each book in the planned trilogy and a bunch for a bunch of other things. This helps me stay organized within my WIP. If I want to work on character development, I know I have a specific character development folder. If I’m in a worldbuilding mood, I go straight to the worldbuilding and lore folder. It also helps a little bit with productivity though no amount of perfectly organized folders will help with my insane procrastination problem. 

The Death of Untitled Documents

As I said earlier, I absolutely hate having Untitled Documents. Some people have whole systems that they’ve developed with decimals and Roman numerals and all sorts of things when it comes to naming all of their documents. Every time I try to do that to level up my writing organization, I end up never able to actually remember whatever system was in place. Instead, I find it a lot easier to use super straight-forward and blunt names. I also like the blunt names because it helps me when I’m searching for any of my documents later on. I may not remember a specific system name that I had, but if a scene is about two characters arguing and I title it Character A and Character B Argue (Draft 1), I’ll immediately see it when I’m looking through my folders, so I won’t waste time looking for it. 

Does This Spark Joy?

The answer is no. Half of the time, my writing does not spark joy and I am compelled to delete everything I have ever written without remorse. No matter how strong the compulsion is though, my limited self-control pulls through, I realize I am my biggest critic, and I stop myself. Even if you absolutely hate something that you’ve written, deleting it is never the solution. As you can see in one of the screenshots, I have a lovely little folder called Deleted Chunks. In that folder are, you guessed it, Deleted Chunks! A lot of times I actually have been grateful that I didn’t delete some of my little chunks. An old scene can fit perfectly into a new place, can help get the creative juices flowing for a new scene, or can be reworked into something completely new. Even if you don’t end up using the scene, sometimes going back and reading your old deleted scenes, can help you realize how much you’ve grown as a writer!

[thestral-queen-rules]

WELCOME TO MY 30 DAYS MOODBOARD CHALLENGE From: September 1 To: September 30

I am really excited for this challenge. there is no specific fandom in this challenge. you can skip the day if the topic is triggering or you are not feeling well that day. disclaimer: this is just for entertainment purposes only. let me know if you wanna be tagged in the posts. I will also reblog the posts of the people who are joining me in the challenge. thank you to all the people who are supporting this challenge!!! and if you wanna start making moodboards, this might be your chance!!!!! (This is my longest post)

RULES:

Do not post inappropriate pictures.

You can skip few days if you want and you can do the skipped topic with the next day's topic. if you don't want to do the skipped topic, it's alright.

If you come across this post in the middle of this challenge, feel free to join it at any time. just send me an ask.

No hate comments or bullying.

Mention triggers if used, and warn beforehand.

Please mention if you want your post to be reblogged or not in the tags or anywhere you want.

Please, please, please tag me in your posts. I would love to see them!!!!!

CHALLENGE:

Day 1 - a song that is stuck in your head for a very long time.

Day 2 - favorite art. (it can be anything you like. It can be an art by Van Gogh or da Vinci or even your favorite tiktok art or Instagram art. Please mention the artist if you know them)

Day 3 - favorite myth or epic.(it can be Ramayana, Mahabharata or any of your favorite myths or epics)

Day 4 - favorite fairy tale(Cinderella, beauty and the beast and such)

Day 5 - create your own aesthetic using the things around you (you can do this by clicking some pictures around you and edit them. Or you can find pictures from Pinterest or google that is similar to the things around you)

Day 6 - favorite quote (create a moodboard for your favorite quote. Like, how does the quote makes you feel.)

Day 7 - create a moodboard that is weird af (create a moodboard with weird ass pictures. You can do anything you want)

Day 8 - create a moodboard on what you are feeling right now (sad, happy, angry, or numb)

Day 9 - a song that is stuck in your head for a very long time pt.2 (in your native language. If English is your native language, do another one if you want or you can skip this)

Day 10 - your horoscope

Day 11 - your dream life

Day 12 - things you are missing due to the pandemic

Day 13 - your creation (this includes the art that you have done or any poems or fics you have written. Just make this moodboard to make you feel better about yourself. When you start searching for the things you know, you realize how much things you've done. And be proud of it)

Day 14 - favourite queen

Day 15 - favorite creature

Day 16 - favorite season

Day 17 - things you gained due to the pandemic.

Day 18 - favourite time of a day

Day 19 - create a character (create your own characters using pictures and use a quote that describes them)

Day 20 - create a new world (create a whole new world! If you can or create a moodboard for your favorite world)

Day 21 - favorite thing to do in your fandom ( I hve to explain this clearly. So, this is about the favorite things to do in your favorite fictional world. For example: hogwarts has classes like herbology, astronomy, divination etc. Which is your favorite class in hogwarts or any other fandom you are in. I don't know much about other fandoms but I hope there are things like that in other fandoms too)

Day 22 - favorite cartoon character

Day 23 - your aesthetic if your favorite fictional character is your boyfriend/girlfriend ;)

Day 24 - a moodboard inspired from your profile picture

Day 25 - create a moodboard for a ship of lifeless things. (For example: TV and remote, paper and glue, books and bookmarks. etc)

Day 26 - your dream appearance (your dream outfit and makeup and stuff)

Day 27 - favorite king

Day 28 - favorite day of the year

Day 29 - your aesthetic if you were a character in your favorite author's book/director's movie/series.

Day 30 - the aesthetic of your favorite book/movie/series.

_____________________________________________

I've already asked about the people who wanted to join this challenge and here's the list.

@smr-the-tired-crackhead

@silky-moon

@balladofableedingpoet2112

@yourbelovedannoyance

@little-star-aesthetic

@nightshade3465

@rainbowsnowflake

If you want to join or be tagged in the posts, please send me an ask!

@elentiyathemoonelf @ya-boi-leto @samalaingik @charmolypi-reverie @thebengalurubisexual @chandanbala @telugumeow @asperargus @adoginthemanger @sabrxna @paranoidnihilist @sarcasm-caffeine-and-chaos @wolfstarrysky @carmen-riddle @ashieverlore13 @crazy-beautiful @book-dragon-not-worm @guerrera-3010 @slytherinicequeen @hecalledmebeloved @wornoutconversegirl @wowyoufeelorphic @cupids-crystals @kajukatliontop @shirothestrangewolf @lemonphrogg @metalvenomludens7 @jugn00 @tonicaballos @nacho08 @starviki @stolen-kisses-pretty-lies @seekerbrave @the-stars-love-us @crystal-the-carrot @blndbandt @simpingforwillsolace @cipher-dorito @romanian-longhorn @charme-de-malchan @justalonelywriter @curious-fruitcake @chaoticaindica

[heavenwontbethe-same]

*INDEFINITE HIATUS*

This is well overdue, but better late than never right?

Why you should follow me

My tumblr will

Hi, I am a weird person behind a weird blog. You can call me Sunset or Sunny or Sunshine (I don't mind nicknames, so you can give me one if you want. @theburningocean likes to call me Tiny Piggy. You can too if you want. Other nicknames also include Sunhoe and Sunny The Bard.) I am 20 years old and my pronouns are she/her. I've recently started ruining desiblr's childhoods and am quite proud of that 😎

tracking #user.sunshine

I am kinda socially anxious and overthink and am bad at picking up hints, so just dm me if you ever want to talk to me (there's like a really big chance I think that you hate me or I've offended you somehow, so I'd probably stew in my own negative thoughts and not talk to you first). I am an ISFJ-T, if that is something you care about.

I jump from hyperfixation to hyperfixation on this blog, so buckle up for a wild ride. I also enter these depressive phases, so sorry if it gets a little dark around here from time to time. Fair warning: there's also quite a lot of mood swings and bursting into songs spontaneously. Also, if you haven't noticed already, I kinda tend to overshare and ramble 😬.

I have met absolutely amazing people here and feel absolutely blessed to be able to call them my mutuals. Still working on expanding my tumblr family. If you're a mutual or a follower, you're already part of it, whether you want it or not. Sorry.

Some special mentions to provide insight into specific roles in my tumblr family:

@agnesandmina - my archaeoweirdist who I love dearly and my twin (my literal twin, same year and all. Also, my first friend here) 🥰

@ithurielkeepsgettingkidnapped - I've recently adopted her after we sang a couple songs together. We are now soul siblings. 💙

@reyna-herondale - my mother-in-law (who is younger than me, but nevermind that) 😍

@matthias-is-alive - my homegirl. Absolute crackhead energy, always putting a smile on my face 🤩

@dharanidares - my parabatai!!!! One of the kindest and sweetest people ever. She just radiates good vibes. ✨

@niastormsanctuary-bolastairkanej - my adorable cinnamon roll, though you wouldn't guess she's older than me by the way she acts. Nia is my lob, nia is my storm and I'm her sunset ❤🧡💛

@clarys-heosphoros - my lovely, lovely first wife <3

@kazoo-the-demjin - my beautiful second wife 💙

Part of The Hoely Trinity with @linedmund. yes, the both of us have enough personality and thirst to fill three entire people. cry about it.

I am the cool aunt and/or tumblr adoptive parent to: (Co-parenting with @anotherteenageroninternet is the cool dad)

@grangerstarkid @darkshadowqueensrule @just-here-to-escape-from-realit @reyna-herondale (she's also my mother-in-law, we know it's messed up but whatever) @bookavert @ithurielkeepsgettingkidnapped (soul sibling, but as I said, we know the family tree is messed up) @adamariasmith @ninas-waffles @d4nkug0 @kaz-hawthorne @satanshairycoochie @kanshah @cecilyisthebest6096 @aliceisntinw0nderland @iambecomeyourvillain @alonlyfangirl @bxbygirl-adley @book-dragon-not-worm @chrysalism-sonder @doritosandbluethings @cocoakitty1839 @neo-lightchild-decafineator @psychosociogentleman @lightwood-di-angelo-hargreeves @shays-shenanigans @a-flowery-sideblog @ji-wooandfriends @leestillyeetschappal @badtameeez @niastormbolastairkanejsambucky @dragon-slayer-fairy1 @im-someone-i-guess @neil-perry-the-platypus @ddepressedbookworm @gold-russh @the-axewielding-herondale 💙💛

Hurt any of them and I will hunt you down with a hatchet

Will add more people once my brain decides to clean up its internal mess.

I don't have a parabatai because my two best friends decided they like each other better than they like me. In this regard, I kinda feel like George Lovelace. Oh well, I'm happy for them.

Edit: I now have a parabatai!!

Shows:

1. How I met your mother

2. New Girl

3. The Office

4. Julie and the phantoms

5. Modern Family

6. 9-1-1

7. The Resident

8. Shadow and Bone

9. Bridgerton

10. B99

11. Euphoria

12. 9-1-1 Lone Star

13. Sex Education

(and there's a great many that I literally forget about all the time)

Books:

1. Percy Jackson (basically the entirety of riordanverse except for the kane chronicles)

2. The Shadowhunter Chronicles (if you say shit about any Herondale, get ready to fight me)

3. Divergent

4. Khaled Hosseini books

5. Red, White and Royal Blue

6. Grishaverse

7. All for the game

I am also forgetting other books. Will add them later on when my memory is a little better.

Music:

I have a very, very, very specific taste in music and I listen to just a few artists, who sometimes feature heavily on my blog. I like to listen to:

1. Shawn Mendes

2. Ed Sheeran

3. Charlie Puth

4. One Direction

5. Niall Horan

6. 5SOS

7. Maneskin

8. Taylor Swift

9. Dua Lipa

10. Cloudy June

11. Conan Gray

12. Emeline

13. Mother Mother

14. Lewis Capaldi

15. Joshua Bassett

16. Louis Tomlinson

17. Harry Styles

18. Zayn

19. Arctic Monkeys

20. Jeremy Shada

21. Badflower

22. Omar Rudberg

Random facts about me:

- I love the colour blue 💙

- I hate eggs and cucumbers

- Weirdly obsessed with soft drinks and lemonade

- Hate tea

I'm a muslim. And I wear a hijab. So if you have a problem with that, or, in other words, are a racist, kindly fuck off. If you are a terf, pedophile, homophobic, queerphobic, pro-life, transphobic, or in any other way hateful towards anyone, this is not the blog for you.

If you're lurking around my blog, please say hi to my emotional support ghost himbos 👋👻

My Discord server

My spotify

My Ao3

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Tumblr year in review: 2021 2022

I also love to make friends, but my anxiety can cause the convo to become stilted at times. Apologizing in advance for that. With that being said, come say hi if you want to be friends!

[theyscreamjade]

can you make some headcanons about how bakugo,denki, dabi, and shinso would react to a seemingly super intimidating s/o who looks mean but is actually rlly chaotic and funny once u get to know them? thank u 🖤🖤

Never Judge By Looks

I INSTANTLY RELATE TO THIS SO MUCH! A lot of people look at me and think I’m mean but I’m the nicest person you could ever meet. So, being the strange little coffee bean that I am, I'm rather funny. I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: Cursing, Crackhead Energy, and lastly..a sliver of smut.

_________________________

Katsuki Bakugo.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

* When he spotted you, everyone was completely intimidated by you. I mean everyone, including Mina and you know that’s something.

* So, who broke the barrier and asked you a random question?

* Tsu’s bold-self, she walked over and simply asked where did you get your shoes from because she took notice of the limited edition brand you were wearing.

* How do you respond?

* Doing an epic fucking pose and giving a show dropping thank you as she stares in complete confusion as Mina screeches as loud as she can. That boils a friendship THAT SHOULDVE FUCKING HAPPENED!

* As much as he hates to admit it, he loves how random and chaotic you are. He loves how you can make even him laugh at how you are.

* It keeps a smile on his face though he doesn’t want to have it often. To him, it adds spice to the relationship you two have.

* He loves that every time he comes home, you’re doing the most random of shit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katsuki walked into the home, groaning as he walked towards the hallway, before freezing. He paused and turned towards the open door in his office as he flickered the lights on.

You slowly turned to face him with the cat in your lap as you smirked. “Welcome...To my evil lair.” You said while smirking as he stared at you in pure disarray.

“SINCE WHEN IN THE FUCK DOD WE GET A FUCKING CAT?!” He yelled as you smiled.

“I adopted one..and a dog..” you replied. “But the Pomeranian doesn’t seem to like his new feline friend, Mr. Snuggles.” You added, kissing the kitten as it meowed.

Katsuki sighed and held his nose. “Where is it?” he asked as he started looking around for an animal.

“I’m looking at him.”

_________________________

Denki Kaminari

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

* This is a match made in fucking heaven.

* He didn’t even care how intimidating you were, when you pulled out your phone case and he spotted something even he likes.

* He’s zapping to you and that’s that.

* You guys are called ‘The Chaotic Duo’. Mina, Ochako, Momo, and even Toru and Tsu loves you and how random you can be.

* You two together can make a simple trip to the store a ride to remember.

* The last adventure you two had, ended in you two being kicked out because he decided to charge all the fucking appliances in the Walmart technology.

* THAT WAS A BAD IDEA FROM THE BEGINNING.

* Let's just say..he fried the power..and even the backup generator they had.

* Best night ever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Babe! Have you seen m-“ Denki stopped his sentence as he saw you, standing at the entrance of the hallway? You were dressed perfectly in an Ash costume. You held up a poké-ball and tossed it at him.

The ball slapped him against the chest as he looked at it while it sat on the floor. “Pikachu! I choose you!” You said as he looked at you with a dorky smile on his face.

“Pika Pika!” He responded, running towards you while you squealed, bursting into a fit of laughter as he tackled you to the ground.

_________________________

Hitoshi Shinsou

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

* (I’ve been dying to use this man for the longest.)

* I see Shinso as a vibe guy, he’s extremely observant, unlike others. He doesn't go by personality but by how you are as a person, what type of energy you present. Though you wore a straight face, he knew that wasn’t the case.

* So, he already knows how weird you were though everyone else was still trying to find out more about you.

* He broke the ice himself and simply sat beside you, starting a simple conversation that became an awesome one. No one will know how a simple conversationwent from what’s your favorite color to how cats you owned and the werid shit they did at night.

* When you two started dating, everyone was shocked because after finally seeing the real you, they would’ve never expected him to be happy with a soul like you.

* He laughs at your jokes, might even do a few things with you, but he'd have to brainwash a few people so you guys can get off clean.

* He genuinely loves everything about that chaotic side to you to a T. You make his darkest nightmares to a beautiful dream.

* Your jokes make his day every single time, ignoring every comment that the world brings into him. You’re there to make it better.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Kitten? Kitten? Where are you?” Shinso asked, looking around the empty apartment which was strange because you were babysitting Eri.

He walked around in confusion before he heard a giggle, making him pause. He looked up before walking out to the roof of the apartment building.

Eri and you sat side by side in a giant beanbag, holding your hands over when portable fire pit. “Let’s gather around the Campfire and sing our campfore song. Our C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song, and if you don’t think we can sing it faster then you’re wrong, but it’ll help if you just sing along!” You and Eri sung together before breaking out into a loud sing-a-long with her.

Hitoshi couldn’t help but laugh softly, watching you with her before he walked over to you two. When he sat down, you snatched her up and screamed.

“AHH, IT’S A SEA BEAR!”

————————————————————————

Touya Todoroki (Dabi.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

* Another man who already knew you before anyone else.

* Dabi’s very observant, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that. He doesn’t watch you like a hawk but when you joined the LOV.

* You made Shigaraki laugh, that’s a fucking miracle in itself.

* Toga, Twice and others loved you, especially Twice. You made both sides of him laugh until tears rolled down his cheeks.

* When you two are together, it’s more of a cat and mouse relationship. He follows and watches you, he may join you during your random or weird moments but it’s not his type of thing.

* You and Toga, on the other hand, are amazing. You two do the craziest of things, like Harley and Poison Ivy.

* You’re his star in the dark sky in his heart and he loves you for that. You shine so brightly, it blinds him sometimes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What the hell happened?” He asked, looking at you and Toga confused. Shigaraki looked just as confused as him. “And what the fuck are you wearing?” Shigaraki asked.

You were dressed in a sexy mouse costume and Toga was wearing a cat costume to match. “You told us to get into that party right?” You asked, looking at them.

You reached into your mouse ears and pulled out the papers, Shigaraki needed. He hesitated to take them but he pulled them away. “The...the party’s attire was formal..” Shigaraki spoke up, looking at you two confused as you took the mouse ears off your head.

“Yeah, but we would’ve been seen if we just wore formal attire. They had kids in there and a little brat gave me the papers I needed in exchange for Toga chasing me out of the party.” You said, smirking. Shigaraki snickered softly as Dabi smirked.

“When will it be my turn to chase you?”

[shxtodxroki]

here something for your matchup!! //also I love your tamaki theme//

-my nickname is marii!

- I don't mind the gender, I would like to only be matched w/ any of the students in U.A

- (ISTP-T and ennegram 4)I am a ambivert. I'm introverted more when I am in public or around others who I don't know, I actually can be really shy and start hiding. I start awkwardly smiling every time I am feeling awkward or embarrassed, but I am polite if I am at someone's house or anything.(l have crackhead energy) v extroverted around my family + friends, loud and talkative lol. I generally love to rant and talk about anime/manga, I talk for hours and just get so dramatic in doing so ( I act out what happen sometimes.) I am a very clumsy person, lol like I trip over air/random items and I somehow manage to hit my head on doors and door frames. I can get emotional too lmao, like I literally sob at anime or manga- I could be like,"AHAHA AWW ooo HOLD HIS HAND!" (totally not me readin ks at one point.) Go with the flow type of person, I usually just catch a vibe that my friends have (sometimes), I tend to space out, like then I just start talking out of nowhere lmao. I'm caring towards my friends or family when they need it, I try my best to give advice and comfort, telling jokes or a hug ( i'm the mom/therapist friend ). I laugh so much, I can't be serious sometimes and can be childish- everything can be funny to me (ofc I know when something is serious). I would say some of my negative traits is that I can get easily irritated at certain things ( I have been told I fit all the criteria of a istp) and get moody. I hate arguing and try to shut it down usually and just never bring it up, or I shut down with myself and stay quiet (mostly trying to run away from it bc- I don't wanna deal with it.) I am not vocal, mostly I hate putting my feelings out there. I am kind of dense- I ask pretty stupid things and just it's literal hard for me to even catch if someone likes me ( I just assume they are friendly) like I can catch it in shows but-tbh it's hard to tell what people are thinking. Total procrastinator, I wait till the last minute for everything. If it helps I kin Ichimatsu matsuno, kenma kozume, shinsou hitoshi <3

some hobbies of mine// writing, gaming, watching anime, window shopping online, reading manga. making edits (video ones lol). piano ( I can play a few songs, dez flohwalzer, isabellas lullaby, we don't have many days and fukashigi no Carte)

some interests of mine// fashion + makeup, true crime , anime/manga, writing/reading. piano. photography. Kpop ( skz,twice,red velvet,snuper,mamamoo, and blackpink)

here is my piccrew self! (lowkey didn't have a nose ring for one of them >:")

this was long but I hope it was enough <3 take your time!!

AAA omg first of all thank you for complimenting my theme hehe, I love it and think it’s super cute :> This was definitely enough, thank you for giving me so much info to work with and I hope you like your match-up! :)

Send in MHA match-up requests! :D

I’d Match You With:

Mirio Togata! :D

Reasoning:

Your personalities fit together perfectly, he finds it endearing how shy you can be at times (and he knows exactly how to help you out if you ever get overwhelmed, since he’s been best friends with Tamaki for years) and he loves how bubbly and talkative you are when you’re with him and your friends, you match his energy perfectly. You both have similar views on relationships, such as absolutely hating arguing with one another, and all-around you’re just pretty perfect together <3

Headcanons About Your Relationship:

- As I mentioned above, both you and Mirio hate arguing with one another, meaning arguments are incredibly rare in your relationship. Both of you put in a lot of effort to communicate your feelings and needs to one another in your relationship, and on the rare occasion that a fight occurs you always resolve it before the night is over, because neither of you wanna go to bed without being able to cuddle together :’)

- Mirio may not be as clumsy as you, but he is also pretty clumsy and you two have made a tally board on your dorm refrigerator to keep track of who’s accidentally hurt themself more over the course of a week. Each week whoever’s clumsier is supposed to buy lunch for both of you, but Mirio’s absolutely weak for you and usually ends up paying for lunch anyways even though he wins like 90% of the time.

- Mirio thinks it’s incredibly important for you to have some outlet for sharing your feelings, and he’s willing to do whatever you need in order for you to feel comfortable discussing your feelings openly with him. He’ll never force you to talk if you don’t want to, but he will work with you and try to help you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts with him in any way that he can, whether it relates to him at all or not. He just wants you to feel heard and understood by someone, what an angel

- He finds it super endearing when you ramble about your interests, he loves seeing the sparkle of enthusiasm in your eyes and the joy in your tone as you ramble and tell him everything about your interests. He will actively encourage you to tell him more about whatever it is you’re talking about, because he can see how happy it makes you to share the things you love with him :>

- He’s also the type of person who laughs, smiles and makes jokes a lot of the time, he tries to go through as much of life as he can with a bright smile on his face and it makes both of you a very bright, heart-warming couple to interact with. Your shared laughter, bright smiles and the clear love you have for one another makes everyone around you feel so warm and giddy, and you’re positive forces in many of your friends’ lives.

- Mirio is a pretty big fan of shopping as well, he’s quite interested in fashion so whenever he catches you window-shopping on your computer he’ll peek his head over your shoulder and end up joining you, commenting on certain items and telling you to add them to your cart to buy at a later date only to buy them for you when you leave to grab a glass of water and smile sheepishly at you once you return, smile growing when you shyly thank him and tell him that he didn’t have to do that (he knows, but he enjoys buying gifts for you and will absolutely do it again in a few weeks time)

- He’s never been a big gamer himself but he’s had a lot of friends who were gamers over the years, so he kind of enjoys having the sound of video game music in the background as you play whatever game you’re interested in and he works through his schoolwork next to you. It provides him with an odd sense of comfort and relaxation, and he loves the occasional exclamations of joy you let out when you beat a particularly hard level.

- THIS MAN WILL 100% LEARN KPOP DANCES WITH YOU, ESPECIALLY TO GIRL GROUP SONGS!! He will put his utmost effort into every dance because he thinks it’s a lot of fun and can help him blow off some steam and get some exercise on his days off. He’d be tough competition if the two of you were ever to have a dance battle though lol, he memorizes them so quickly it’s ridiculous and he is damn good at dancing (he especially likes Twice hehe)

Song For Your Relationship:

The Feels by Twice!

Picrew:

Mirio’s hair isn’t quite right in the picrew, but I couldn’t find any couples picrews that had options similar to his hairstyle so I hope it turned out okay anyways! I still think it looks pretty cute hehe, I based it off of the picrews you included in your ask! (This one also did not have a nose ring unfortunately) :D Here’s a link to the picrew!

[unironicduncanstan]

Gwanon x Trustin Spa Anon - 700 word oneshot (angst) (plot twist) (cliffhanger)

Pairing: Gwanon x Trustin Spa Anon

Rating: PG-13

Pov: First person (Gwanon)

Plot: gwanon gets a mysterious anon of her own, it sparks her interest but just when it seems all is well, a mysterious third party enters the scene. . .

~~~~~

the keyboard clacks beneath my fingertips as i update my sierra blog. im deep in my research for an overlapping slur that i could conveniently use against both fans of courtney and nicki minaj at the same time. as i find a particularly outdated one, in my intensity i accidentally knock my all lives matter mug off the table. it spills the blue paint i was drinking all over the floor.

“Oh no!” i say, capitalizing the first letter and ending with an exclamation point in real life.

i look down only for a moment to clean up my mess, and by the time i look back at my screen, i see that someone has answered my anon hate. this had better be good. i even made sure to use the word whore, which is #3 on my slur list

to my dismay it looks like they just posted some stupid meme of cody. i sigh. courtneys war crimes go unchecked yet again. i stroke the picture of gwen i have in my locket. it makes me feel better. maybe theres some new content for her in the tag. . .

i open up a tumblr search and scroll around a bit, passing what looks like hieroglyphs and a random picture of fondant, but i’m only ever searching for one thing. the chance to avenge her. i refresh. there at the top, a brand new post reads; ‘hey guys. gwen stinky’. i take a deep breath and try to keep going. i take another large swig of paint to calm my nerves down.

hey, whats this? i have a new ask! but i havent sent any more death wishes today. . .

the message takes me off guard. its short and concise. “draw trent justin spa art please.” i stare at it for a moment, trying to register what it could mean, when i suddenly receive another. 

“trustin Spa now. 😡” i wonder quietly to myself if they have the wrong person. before i can think of what to respond with, i see yet another ask. i refresh, assuming its them, but to my disappointment its another anon hate response. this time im met with a poorly edited meme of gwen confessing to war crimes. i had forgotten, id asked someone for a character tier list last sunday. i didnt think theyd catch on so fast. with every passing day, my notoriety grows, and the loyalty to my queen becomes harder to bear. . .

my mind goes back to my previous contact. i decide to go back into the tags and see if there’s anything to make sense of this. there i see it, hate blog after hate blog, anon after anon. i sit back in awe at the craftsmanship and dedication. the crackhead energy actually makes my heart skip a beat. my gwen locket clinks against my chest as i reread their absolutely spot on death threats, sprinkled in emojis.

what is this feeling. . . am i impressed or . . . something else. . . ? i shake my head, going back to my askbox and preparing to finally type a response. i try multiple times, but i cant figure out what to say. just when all hope seems lost, i realize what i have to do. i have to make my own move. i get into typing position.

“Do you think gwen deserves to die? Is she a monster? Is the name Courtney kind of whoreish?” i hit post. my heart races. i wait for a response as patiently as i can, on the edge of my seat until i Finally see my askbox light up.

“all i want is trustin spa”. i settle back into my chair, staring wistfully at the ceiling. finally, ive found someone who can accept the truth without a fight. their passion inspires me. i know in my soul what i have to do. . . i get out my sketchbook and start on a trustin spa piece, working with as much effort and swiftness as i can. ive never been more passionate about a project before. i cannot wait to show them, that is until i get another message. . .

this one is unfamiliar. in fact, it might throw a wrench in my entire plan to woo my anon, as it appears to be a callout. the only problem is, i didnt do the thing im being cancelled for this time! with confusion, my eyes scan it one more time. . .

“i used to really respect and admire you but i have no idea why you would make up a rumor about amegaotaku being a Zionist. it’s not true so leave her the fuck alone.“

[zims-left-shoe]

Dance of Doom (Zim x Female Reader)

LMAO I edited the title on mobile and the ENTIRE fic deleted itself but luckily I still have a og copy somewhere

"Hey, Sara-”

"Absolutely not, Dib. There is no way I would go to prom with you, even if you were the last person on Earth." With a final swish of her long blue hair, Sara walked away, leaving Dib to stand there with his finger still in the air, eyes slowly narrowing in disappointment.

"I was just trying to borrow a pencil." He sighed, sitting back down at his table. Naturally, he was the only one there. All the other students wanted to be nowhere near him, for fear of the contagiousness of his supposed craziness. From the other almost completely empty table on the other side of the room, a green boy sat, calculating eyes not leaving Dib for a second. Despite the years that had gone by, Dib was still hated by all of his classmates. But, there was one student in particular who hated his guts more than anyone. Said student rose from his own seat, meandering over to Dib, trying to look casual.

"Dib-stink. What is this...prom...that everyone is speaking of?" Both gloved hands gripped the table desperately.

"You're kidding, right?" After seeing the intense expression not fading from his enemy's face, Dib looked to him incredulously. "Zim, you've been in high school for almost three years now! How do you not know?"

"Silence! You will tell Zim all he wants to know about this...prom." Zim's eyes narrowed to almost slits as he leaned closer to Dib, trying his best to intimidate him. Sure, he had grown a bit. But that was only because he devised a serum to increase his height once others were beginning to grow suspicious that he wasn't hitting his growth spurt. He still wasn't tall by any means, only barely reaching 5'7" in his heeled Irken soldier boots.

"Fine, whatever. It's this stupid school dance that upper classman get to go to if they can find a date."

"Is this date required to be admitted?" The Irken was intrigued. He had been in a bit of an evil plan block recently, so any event was something he would consider.

"Well, no, you can go with friends, but last time I checked, you don't have any of those either." Dib snickered, only to earn a swift kick in the shin. "Oh, and I guess there's that whole prom king and queen thing. That shit's stupid." Dib looked bored, just waiting for the lunch bell to ring.

"King?" There was a new gleam in Zim's eyes, and behind them a plan was already forming.

Yes, if I can become king, then I can finally rule this school with an iron fist. And then the earth! He thought, letting the beginnings of maniacal laughter slip out.

"Tch. You need a queen to be king, genius. Good luck finding one of those. You're just as hated as I am!" Just after his final word, the bell rang, announcing that lunch was upon them. Dib snatched up his things, leaving Zim standing at the table with his thoughts.

"Oh, I think you'll be quite surprised, Dib-stink. I have the perfect candidate in mind." More maniacal laughter followed his words, a plan brewing.

(more under the cut)

-

Truth was, Dib did have a friend. One single friend who didn't think he was crazier than your local crackhead. That friend just happened to be you. You believed in all of the spooks he ranted and raved about. You were new to the school this year, and although you had only been friends since September, by April you had already been on several adventures together. Many of those adventures revolved around Zim, your alien classmate who was trying, and let's face it, failing to take over the planet. You knew what he was from day one, your suspicions being confirmed when you snuck into his base one night with Dib.

Now, although you would consider Dib your best friend, you had very different attitudes when it came to Zim. Dib viewed him as an evil space creature that needed to be annihilated. You, on the other hand, saw him as virtually harmless. He got in his own way constantly, so you didn't think there was much to worry about. Why not have some fun with him? It's not very often you get the chance to kick it with a being from beyond. Dib, however, would never let you befriend him. As you carried your lunch, on your way to your usual table with the Membrane kids, you were pulled from your thoughts by colliding with someone in front of you. Luckily, your food was still clutched in your hands.

"Geez, I'm really sorry. I was spacing out."

"It's quite alright, Dib-Slave." Zim showed you a sharp-tooth smile, and you were having trouble deciphering if it was genuine or not.

"I have a name, you know. And I'm not Dib's slave, I'm his friend."

"There's a difference?" The alien legitimately seemed confused by this notion. You sighed, trying to step around him. "WAIT!!" Zim screamed, grabbing you by the arm as you were walking past him. You whipped your head around, a slightly panicked look on your face.

"What?!"

"This...prom-dance-thing. It is Saturday, correct?" You quirked an eyebrow, not sure you were liking where this was going.

"Yes?"

"Excellent." A wicked grin spread on his face, his clawed hand not releasing your arm. "You will be Zim's date."  You couldn't help the laughter that escaped you.

"I thought you were supposed to ask people to prom, not tell them to prom." After laughing some more, you shook his arm free. "No. Now, maybe if you ask me, I'll consider it. See ya, Zim." You left Zim behind to mutter Irken curses under his breath, weaving through the lunch crowd to sit down across from Dib.

"What took you so long?" His eyebrow was raised as he fixed you with a suspicious glance.

"Yeah, the craziest thing just happened. Zim asked me to prom. Well, more like demanded me to go with him, but obviously I said no." Taking a spoonful of the disgusting substance this school called food and putting it in your mouth, you watched Dib's expression morph from confused to panicked.

"I knew it! He's up to something. I just don't know what." His hand instinctively clenched into a fist, gears in his mind turning to figure out a strategy to stop him.

"Maybe he just wants to go and knows I'm the only other loser here besides you." You chuckled, brushing a few stray strands of hair behind your ear.

"Just look at him!" Turning around to see what Dib was gesturing at, you were greeted by the sight of Zim furiously typing on some alien device, then scratching notes on another. After a few more moments of this, he stood up and left the cafeteria.

"Okay, so maybe it is a bit suspicious. But when has Zim ever succeeded at anything? I'm sure it's fine." After a beat of silence, you tapped Dib to get his attention. "You know, going to prom might not be so bad." A slight smile graced your face, hoping your prompt had landed. That maybe, just maybe-

"You're joking. I mean, prom with Zim? He definitely has some sort of agenda, and-"

"Christ, take the hint, Dib." You muttered, decidedly not hungry anymore. Dropping your uneaten garbage in the trash, you walked out of the cafeteria. However, it seemed you had someone waiting for you. "Oh, great, you're back." Not only was Zim standing in the hallway staring at you expectantly, GIR was sitting next to him, dog suit and all.

"Dib-Slave! Er, I mean, Y/n!" The Irken waved frantically, hoping you would approach him. Deciding that you had nothing better to do, you allowed your feet to lead you to the terribly disguised alien.

"What now?" You groaned, just wanting to mourn the stupidity of your best friend in peace.

"You said I must ask, not tell. So, Zim has prepared something very special for you. Be honored!" You felt a chill run down your spine. Whenever Zim said he had something special for anyone, it usually ended in pain and misery. Zim made a motion of pulling something out from behind his back, and you screwed your eyes shut, preparing for something horrible. A loud cannon sound echoed through the hallway, causing you to jump, but your body soon relaxed as all you felt was something like flower petals raining down on you. You peeled your eyes open to the sight of rose petals strewn everywhere on the ground, GIR's head open and filled with more of them. You took another glance around, watching GIR grabbing petals and stuffing them into his mouth, eating them.

"They taste like marshmallow!!" The tiny robot screamed, although you doubted that to be true. Raising your eye level, you saw Zim holding a sign, smiling proudly.

"Will you be the schneeblywoop to my zeegleblorp?" You read aloud, not having anything clarified. "I have no idea what that means." You had a hard enough time trying to decipher Zim's terrible handwriting without all of the unknown space knowledge.

"It doesn't translate very well from Irken." Zim mumbled, looking to GIR for help as he shuffled his feet.

"Tell her how you feel!" GIR whispered, although it was more of a quiet yell.

"Oh, this should be good." You smirked, ready for Zim to scream about how useless and stinky you were, and then he would eventually get all frustrated and run away.

"Human, you are much less disgusting than every other wormchild in this PITIFUL excuse for an academy. And while Dib is annoying, you are, erm, tolerable." He played with his fingers, not enjoying the position he was in.

"Okay, well if that's all, I'll be leaving-"

"NO! I mean, uh...there is more!" He looked borderline desperate at this point, every feature on his face pleading with you. Obviously he really wanted to you accompany him to the prom for whatever reason. "You saw through my INGENIOUS disguise right away, which proves your intelligence. Consider yourself honored, you have impressed an Irken elite." GIR shoved him in the leg, letting him know that was not the thing to say. He jumped, switching tracks immediately. "I mean! I would be..." Zim exhaled through gritted teeth. "...honored..." He grumbled, as if acting humble to anyone but his Tallest was a chore. "...if you would be my lovepig at prom."

"Lovepig…?" Your expression was mixed, surprised that he was trying this hard, because, for Zim, this was definitely trying, but also slightly offended that he called you his lovepig.

"DATE!! I mean date." He waved his hands frantically, throwing the sign down. "Please?" Dropping down on his knee, he kneeled at your feet. He really wanted this bad. Plus, he almost never said please.

On one hand, there was the fact that he was an alien hellbent on destroying mankind (although he was very, very bad at it), but on the other, it's not like you had a date. You thought back to your subtle yet failed attempt to get Dib to ask you to the dance, and had your answer. Why not? Besides, a horrible half-baked plan for doom might be fun.

"Fine, Zim. I'll go to prom with you." Zim seemed beyond pleased with your answer, jumping up from the floor immediately.

"YES! VICTORY FOR ZIM!" He pumped his fists in the air, a grin spread wide on his face.

"Yeah, sure, whatever. Just pick me up at seven on Saturday." Had you made a mistake? It was quite possible. You supposed this meant you had to scramble up some clothes by the end of the week.

-

"Computer! Tell me all that you can find on this Earth event, prom." Zim sat down in his base, red bug eyes gazing intently at the humongous monitor above him. The computer sighed heavily.

"Do I have to?"

"Yes!" The Irken hissed, antennae flattening against his head in irritation.

"Fine. Prom. An Earthling high school formal dance where boys typically wear tuxes and girls wear dresses. There's no point in it really, just something supposed to promote fun. There's also a king and a queen, usually a couple, that are voted on by the school."

"Yes! And once Y/n and I get voted king and queen, we will rule the world!"

"Um, I don't think that-"

"I must find fitting attire! Thank you for your service, computer!!" Without listening to whatever reason the computer was attempting to speak, Zim shot up to get clothing from who knows where.

-

Ripping a brush through your h/l h/c hair for the final time, you took another look in the mirror. Your dress wasn't fancy, in actuality it wasn't fitting for a formal event at all. It was a simple f/c skater dress, but at least it had pockets. You were sure that Zim knew nothing about prom, and wouldn't be surprised if he showed up in his Irken invader uniform as he did everyday. You didn't have much more time to wonder as the doorbell rang, sending you flying down the stairs, calling a quick goodbye to your parent(s). Opening the door revealed a sight you thought you would never see. Zim stood on your doorstep, clad in a dark pink suit jacket and matching pants, a black tie tied around the collar of a lighter pink dress shirt. He thrust a small bouquet of flowers into your arms, and almost immediately you were suspicious. Sniffing them showed that they were not poisonous, which you had sort of expected. They were normal, untampered with, earth flowers.

"Who are you and what have you done with Zim?" You spoke cautiously, still following him down the sidewalk regardless.

"Silly Dib-Slave. I am Zim!" He looked like he just suddenly remembered something. "I mean, Y/n!"

"Right. This is just...so not like you."

"What are you talking about? Of course this is most definitely like me!" Zim just seemed to take notice of your appearance as well.

"You look..." He trailed off, and you rolled your eyes.

"What? Adequate? Sufficient? Not as stinky as I could be?" You were preparing for this to be a long night, already bracing for whatever jabs would be thrown your way.

"Pretty. I was going to say pretty." His tone wasn't exaggerated, or strained to any degree. He seemed genuine, or as genuine as Zim could get.

"Oh. Thank you." You cursed yourself for the warmth you felt rise to your cheeks. "You're not so bad yourself." After walking in silence for a bit, Zim was the first to speak again.

"So...I know this is a dance, but what are dates supposed to do at prom? Like, specifically." The alien looked to you expectantly, hoping for answers.

"Do you not have dances on your home planet?" Quickly looking around for any eavesdroppers, Zim shook his head.

"Not really.”

"Okay, well...obviously you dance, but usually the pair that goes together does...I don't know, couple stuff."

"Couple stuff?" The Irken wore a mask of confusion.

"Yeah, like..." You took hold of Zim's hand, intertwining your fingers with his own. He just about jumped out of his own skin. You let go, wondering if you had offended him. That gesture could have been a war instigation on Irk for all you knew.

"I didn't say let go." He grumbled as he swiped your hand up again, eyes trained on the sidewalk. The rest of the walk was mostly quiet, with some small talk and jokes being cracked here and there, mostly about nonsense. Surprisingly, Zim could be quite humorous when he wanted to be.

Once you had stepped inside after paying for tickets (which Zim complained about), the situation you were in finally began to sink in. Normally, schools would rent out some other building to hold prom in, but your particular school had zero funding for the school activities department, or so the staff said, so it was being held in the gym. Everything was dark, save for a few lights with thin colored paper over them to try and create some ambiance. There was a snack table with punch, but you were a bit afraid to try anything considering what the lunches were like. The punch didn't look horrible, save for the strange bright purple hue. Now that you thought about it, it would be better suited as a substance in Zim's lab than a drink at a school dance. There were several students dancing, groups of friends and couples included. The music was loud, and the students were thrashing about wildly, some dancing and leaving zero room for Jesus.

"That's dancing?" Zim asked, his tone filled with both wonder and disgust as he pointed a single claw to the mass of teenagers grinding on each other.

"Welcome to American public high school." You sighed, cringing as the collective horniness was almost palpable. "But no, see?" You gestured to some kids on the fringes dancing to the music as normally as you could ask for.

"Hmm, yes...let's dance! Since that is what normal human worm babies do at these functions."

"You know, it would really help if you wouldn't refer to all humans with weird names." A sigh slipped past your lips as he dragged you to the dance floor, on the edges with the tamer kids.

"Ugh, gross, Zim's here. Let's go." The group of teens that had been gathered dispersed, some moving closer to the epicenter of the dance pit and others to snacks.

"You should be honored to dance near Zim!" Your date screamed after them as you simply shook your head.

"Forget them. We're just here to have fun."

"Yes of course. And also to take the crown and rule over this place of filth as king with you as my slightly less mighty queen!" He began cackling at the top of his lungs, earning looks from a few, but most didn't even bat an eye, as they were used to it.

"What? Oh, you must be talking about prom king and queen." Your words were broken up by your own laughter. "That will never happen. That shit's a popularity contest, and last time I checked, everyone hates us."

"Says you. Everyone loves us!" As if to prove his point, Zim waved to Torque Smacky who was dancing with Jessica. "Hello, Smacky!"

"Go die, you green freak!" He called back, moving deeper into the mass of children to disappear from Zim's view.

"See? My Tallest say that to me all the time, and they love me!" A grin split his face, and you couldn't help but smile too.

"Yeah, okay, whatever you say." Before you knew it, the two of you were dancing together in your own little corner of the dance floor that everyone else seemed to evacuate. Zim was doing strange little jigs that GIR had most likely taught him, while you were more swaying to the beat of music and moving your feet in time. To your utter amazement, Zim seemed to be having the time of his life.

A bright and exciting song faded out, and the song that faded in was slow and mellow, the couples around you already joining together and swaying to the music.

"Um..." Zim stopped dead in his tracks, unsure how to proceed. You hadn't slow danced much, but you felt okay about bullshitting your way through it.

"If you want to skip it, it's fine. There's always that punch back there that's probably just Kool-Aid mixed with rat poison." A giggle fell from your lips, and Zim seemed to perk up.

"No! Zim shall conquer this...uh..."

"Slow dance."

"DANCE OF SLOWNESS!"

"Riiigghht." He shuffled closer to you, staring at you and looking as if he was doing complex math equations in his head. "Ugh, here." You took his hands and placed them on your waist, hooking your arms lazily around his neck. He was incredibly tense, his fingers digging harshly into your skin. "Loosen up, would you?" You winced in pain until he lightened up with his hands.

"Now what?"

"Now you just...you know."

"No, I really don't-" Cursing under your breath, you took the lead, slowly swaying with him like the other couples. "This is what qualifies on Earth as dancing?"

"I guess. It's kind of boring, isn't it?" You asked, finally making eye contact with him for the first time since the song started. "You can move closer. I don't bite."

"I knew that." Zim shuffled closer. Now there was barely any space between you, although it never seemed to get awkward.

"Well, I guess I can scratch dancing with an alien off of my bucket list."

"Dib-stink is missing out." Zim smirked, seeming proud of himself. Now that you thought about it, you were having much more fun with Zim than you thought you would with Dib. No offense to your friend, but if you brought him, he would have been solely focused on whatever Zim was, is, or would be scheming. Zim had even appeared to have forgotten about whatever his obsession was with prom king, and gave the impression of being fairly distracted by you.

"You know, I actually am having a surprisingly good time."

"Yes, yes, Zim is great." Despite the words themselves being supercilious, his tone was quite passive. For once, his massive ego didn't seem to matter to him. The soft melodies of the slow song faded out, the energized tunes resuming once more. You brought your arms back to your sides, waiting for Zim to take his back as well. A few more seconds passed by until your staring appeared to register with him. He quickly removed his hands, clearing his throat awkwardly.

"Don't worry about it." You dismissed his very out of character nervous behavior and began to dance again, the Irken following suit.

A boy approached the two of you with a paper on a clipboard, pen in hand. "Hey, do you guys want to put your names on the ballots for-"

"SILENCE, STINK BEAST! Can't you see that we're having, what's the word...FUN?!" You couldn't help but laugh. You did feel sorry for the kid, he was just trying to do his job, whatever it was.

"Okay, sorry! I guess you guys don't want to be on the ballots for king and queen."

"BEGONE WITH YOU!" Zim violently shooed the boy away, who ran screaming towards the snack table. Clearly, Zim was not listening to what the kid was saying. Perhaps he changed his mind about the whole thing after all.

After some more dancing, the king and queen were announced, and while those who got it were irrelevant to Zim, he was still pissed. You decided to drag him outside before he hurt someone, most likely himself on accident.

"Argh! Stupid human popularity!" Zim kicked at nothing as the two of you stood outside the school in the dark, a light breeze blowing. You sighed, leaning against the wall of the building. For a minute there, you saw someone who wasn't just some evil alien invader. You saw someone who you thought was having genuine fun. All it took was one look at your disappointed expression. "Don't make that face. It makes my insides feel all...squelchy." Zim decided that the best way to cheer you up was to start rambling. "Don't be sad, soldier. I know being the absolute rulers of the filth hole would have been great, but perhaps they aren't deserving of our GREATNESS! Besides, on the bright side, I think I have a new mission! I already tried to study human courtship a long time ago with Tak, and it went horribly, but that was only because she was secretly an Irken bent on eradicating me. But, maybe it's time to..." Zim trailed off, which was quite alright with you considering you had stopped listening the second he had called you soldier. He had his eyes trained on the many couples walking out since the dance had just officially ended. A few were saying goodbye and walking in separate directions, but before departing, many would plant a kiss on the other's cheek. Zim seemed to be fascinated by this.

"Sorry, you were saying?" You doubted he said anything important, but you figured it would be rude if you didn't at least ask. However, you received no response. You continued to stare forward, about to call it a night, when you felt a strange sensation on your cheek. It almost felt like Zim's weird little alien tongue licking your cheek. It was gone as quickly as it presented itself, so you turned your head to look at the alien beside you.

"What? That's what they're doing! It's NORMAL." He was getting all defensive, huffing and crossing his arms, puffing his cheeks out as if pouting. You giggled, shaking your head a bit. He meant well. He really did.

"I think it's more like this." You pressed your lips quickly to his cheek, pulling away twice as fast. He blinked rapidly, then shook his head as if trying to reboot his brain.

"U-Uh, yes! Thank, thank you, Y/n! I will note that." He coughed once into his hand, staring out and just above your head. "Good work.”

"What, no Dib-Slave?"

"No Dib-Slave." You smiled, because although he wasn't looking at you directly, he wasn't insulting you, or trying to destroy the earth. He was just...being himself. An absolute dork, yes, but himself. Not Invader Zim. Just...Zim. Crazy, stupid, Zim. 

[hoebii]

Yiss

Finally I will get to read more of your writing

Can I request : 2 , 1 , 14 ( u know the sequence )

Or if you want you can maybe put your own numbers I won't mind as long as everyone gets to read :)

Thankyou

- lots of love from Re 💕

I forgot what I wrote as soon as I finished so proceed with caution it’s trash sksksks (No I didn’t edit, mom don’t disown me ily) Hope you like it bb <3

-------------

2 - hogwarts!au

1 - friends to lovers

14 - “okay, maybe i’m crazy but did i just hear you say that out loud?”

Member - JJK (Ding Dong if I had to quote Re sksksk)

--------------

It was a beautiful day in Hogwarts, no classes to attend. You had thought you’d stay in your room and read the whole day, just laze around with your cat by your side but were you? Absolutely not.

You were currently speed walking to the hospital wing, face set in a scowl. Jeon Jungkook, your friend since first year, had gotten into a fight and ended up in there somehow. You had gotten to know about it when your older brother, Kim Seokjin had come tell you, complaining about how ‘that brat’ had gotten hurt again. 

Walking into the infirmary, the first thing you heard was his voice, loudly arguing with Madam Pomfrey, “I told you, I’m fine! Let me go already.”

“And I told you, that you need to stay the night so I can make sure that your hand heals properly,” replied Madam Pomfrey calmly, assembling her equipments before moving on to the next patient.

Almost cooing at how cute Jungkook looked with the pout, you silently trudged to him. Repeating in your mind that you were supposed to be mad, you could not give in to his doe eyes no matter how difficult.

“So what’s this I hear about you getting in a fight? I thought we had a deal,” You spoke up when you were behind him, almost laughing when he jumped in surprise and spun around to face you. His face lighting up when he saw it was you.

“Y/N~ Hey listen, crazy story. I am innocent,” Jungkook started his explanation, smiling sheepishly when he saw that you were not buying his story.

“Your bandaged hand says a different story, Jeon.” 

“About that…” 

You sighed, catching his attention as you sat on the bed beside him. “Kookie, why do you keep getting in fights?”

Jungkook opened his mouth to reply but closed it again afterwards. Scooting closer to you, he meekly said, “I’m sorry… I promise I stopped getting in unnecessary fights, it’s just-”

You cut him off, sitting up straight and looking him straight in his eyes, “You say you stopped but this is the third time this month that you’re in the hospital wing, Jungkook. You always come up with the weirdest excuses for it too, what’s your reason this time?”

“I..” Jungkook said, looking at you with his beautiful doe eyes, “I’m sorry… for not listening to you. But I promise, this time I had a valid reason. That jerk deserved what was coming for him.”

“Then tell me the reason.”

“Yi was spreading rumours about you, called you names and shit too.” He answered, never breaking eye contact as he spoke.

You sighed in annoyance, Yi was your ex, he had cheated on you with someone else but when you broke up, he had made it look like you were the bad guy. You were hurt at first but now you were tired of his bullshit. He was always trying to get attention by trying to stir up new drama.

“You shouldn’t pay attention to what he says, you know the truth and you know he loves the attention he gets by doing what he does.” you said, hands moving to grab his. 

Letting out a sound of protest, Jungkook squeezed your hands, shaking them slightly, “But that’s wrong. He shouldn’t be spreading lies like that when he’s the one that should be hated, not you!”

Smiling softly, you raise one of your hands to brush away the strands that fell on his face, “Thank you for caring, Kookie but you need to realise that what you did was not right. Fighting is not the way to go, besides you just gave him what he wanted, albeit it was painful attention but he still got a reaction out of you.”

Chewing on his bottom lip, Jungkook furrowed his brows, nose scrunching up as he thought about what you said, “You’re not wrong but it’s hard to not react when it comes to you… Ijustlikeyousomuch.”

Your brows raised in surprise when he rapped out the last bit of his sentence, not catching what he said properly, “What did you just say?”

“It’s hard not to react.”

“After that.”

A beat of silence passed, none of you moving as Jungkook started fidgeting on his spot, “I.. like you a lot, and it’s not as a friend.”

You gaped at his sudden confession, eyes wide as you tried processing his words. You had a crush on him for almost a year now, and he just confessed that he liked you too. This had to be a dream.

“Okay, maybe i’m crazy but did I just hear you say that out loud?” Jungkook asked, eyes filling with anticipation for your answer.

“Say what?”

“That you had a crush on me for almost a year.”

Your eyes widened even more, did you say that out loud? Oh no.

“Don’t panic, I’m glad the feeling isn’t one sided,” Jungkook tried reassuring you, now grinning happily.

“I.. said that out loud too, huh?”

“Well….” He started, eyes bright and lips tugged into a grin, “You do tend to think out loud a lot.”

“For real?!”

“Uh huh,” He nodded, shrugging, “It’s really cute though. You’re really cute though.” He winked at you after that, making you shake your head at his antics, trying not to smile.

“I’m glad someone finds it cute, I guess,” you grumbled, face flushing in embarrassment as you sunk down in your seat and pouted, still fighting the urge to smile.

Cooing at you, Jungkook grabbed your face and brought you into a soft kiss, your eyes fluttering close at the sensation. You could feel him smiling into the kiss and you shuffled closer, grabbing his shirt to pull him close and deepening the kiss. 

Moving away after a while to break the kiss, you smiled when Jungkook followed you, trying to kiss you again and scrunching his nose in displeasure at not succeeding. 

Placing a kiss on his nose which had him smiling, you spoke up, “So, how are we telling my brother about us?”

Jungkook’s face fell as he looked at you in panic, eyes wide and mouth hanging open slightly, “How about… now consider this; we don’t.”

Sigh. What are you going to do with this crackhead of yours?

[inactivewhore]

My Love Was Too Much For You 1/2

EDIT: I changed the end to leave you guys on a cliffhanger

A/N: Please be kind, I haven't written in a long. Please let me know if I could have done anything better!

Warnings: Angst, Swearing and a bit of smut

As you stare at him, while he kissed his costar, you couldn't deny the jealousy building up in you. You wanted to go and just grab him and pull him away from her but you knew you couldn't.

You weren't the jealous type... Or were you?

"Jenny isn't even that pretty," you thought to yourself.

You knew he wasn't going to leave you for her, no. She was too cheery for him, too high-pitched. Ugh, her high-pitched voice was what bothered you. You lightly smacked your head. Clearing all the thoughts on an innocent girl who hasn't done anything.

"CUT!" The director yelled as you let out a breath of relief. You saw them laughing, which made your insides boil. You rush over as fast you can, you had to let her know he was yours.

"Hey," you said to Jenny as you grabbed Chris's face and pulled him to yours for a peck on the lips. You made sure Jenny saw the both of you. You wanted her insides the book just as yours did.

You let go of him after a good 30 seconds. Chris takes a big breath after you let go of him, "y/n-", but before he could finish, you started to talk over him.

"What are you talking about?" You asked both of them. Jenny let's out a high-pitched giggle, which you couldn't deny, annoyed you, "we were just talking about how I bit his lip by mistake during the kiss," she looks to Chris and laughs again.

You didn't find it funny but let out a forced laughter. As the next days of shooting went on, you made sure to be beside Chris, all the time. You had to let the tramp know, he was yours. You'd make sure to kiss him every time you'd be in front of her. You'd hear the occasional, "EW!" From McKenna.

As the end of shooting for the film came, the cast and crew decided to go get a few drinks over at Marnie's.

You wondered where Chris was as he wasn't in your sight. You go over to his assistant, Maryam, she gives you a smile, "Hey y/n, do you need something?" She asked.

"Yeah do you know where, Christopher is?" You said. She points towards his trailer, "Thank you," you tell her, giving her a smile before leaving.

As you approached the trailer, you heard loud voices. You were sure one of them was Chris's.

As you reached, you put a ear to the door. "She's been acting so fucking clingy these past weeks. If I knew that this was how it's gonna be, I wouldn't have called her," he yelled at his phone. He wasn't talking about you was he? Because if he was you were ready to pop on his motherfucking ass. "You love her, don't forget that. She's sweet, kind and we all like her," you hear, Shanna, through the speaker.

"Yeah, but y/n's been getting on my nerves, I don't know what's up. She was so chill in the start but I don't know what the fuck happened."

Tears began to stream down your face, you wanted to pop off on him but you couldn't, you were too heartbroken from what you were hearing.

Chris takes a deep sigh, "I may end it now."

Those last words were enough for you. You leave the set, not even letting him know that you're leaving. He didn't deserve to even look at you. You get into your Uber and go to your shared house, waiting for the inevitable

*

You sit in the living room of your shared home. You had your favorite whiskey in your hand.

It was pretty strong, you needed something strong.

Something strong to make this pain go away.

Fuck, you love him but hate him so much. You wanted to feel him, you knew that made you feel better. You loved when he kissed your neck just the way he does. He made your toes curl like no one else. That was never going to happen again.

He's breaking up with you.

Either today, if he's a dick, or tomorrow, when you wake up to see a empty space beside you.

You couldn't think of this ending, you loved him. Even if the words never came out from either of you, you loved him. "Shit, shit, shit!" You said, walking back and forth your living room, with the whiskey in your hand. You didn't want to be here.

You could smell him here, you could feel him here, you could remember the time he made you cum like nobody else on the leather sofa facing the TV .

You couldn't be there, you couldn't bear crying again.

You took your purse, taking the car keys to your Mazda 3 and left the house. You were going to your friend's house, Nahida. You didn't know who else to go to. It was 1 am in the morning. You felt your phone vibrate against your leg. You knew it was Chris, but did you want to hear him end it on the phone. You made sure to keep your eyes on the road.

You'd already been drinking, you needed to concentrate.                                

You parked on their front garden, "shit," you said, but you could barely care.

*

You rang the door, once, twice, five times. The door opens, "what the fuck are you doing here. It's 1 in the morning." You didn't care what she said, you just needed a hug so you jumped on to her, giving her big fat bear hug. The one Chris would give. You begin weeping on her shoulders, soaking her pajamas.

"What happened?" Nahida said, as she tried to calm you. "Chris... Jenny... Clingy... Dickfucking bitch!" You said between cries. She slowly brings you in to her home, closing the door behind her. As you began to stop crying, Nahida asks, "do you need anything?", You look up to her with teary eyes, "lots and lots of alcohol.

*

"HE'S A BITCH!" You say as you take a sip. A, "shhhh," sound came out of Nahida, she didn't want to wake up the baby. "Come on drink with me," you tell her as you bring your wine glass close to her.

She pushes your hand away and whispers, "I have to breastfeed, I can't have alcohol in my system," she gives you a little smile in the end, "I'm sorry all that shit happened, you didn't deserve it, you were just being a girlfriend."

"Right," you tell her, "How dare he call me clingy while he struck his throat down, Ms. Screechy," you tell her, as you gulped your drink down.

You had turned your phone on silent already, you didn't need to hear the constant reminder of your relationship ending.

"Did you tell him how you felt uncomfortable," asked Nahida.

"He would've said, this is my job, if you can't handle it, maybe we should end it," you did your best of mocking him.

As you and Nahida sit in silent for the next 30 seconds. You hear the doorbell ring. Nahida gets up and goes to get the door before it rings again. You got up to fill your glass again, you hated to see it empty.

As the door opened, you heard a bit of mumbling, but you were drunk enough to not give a shit.

After filling your glass, you take a seat at the couch and begin drinking.

You start to hear heavy footsteps coming your way, you look up to see Chris looking at you with anger in your eyes. You scream across the house, "Nahida, there's a crazy person in here!" Nahida runs in and puts her finger to her mouth, "shhhh."

Chris looks at you, "What the fuck, y/n! You haven't answered your calls or your texts. You left set without telling me, I had to find out from Jenny who saw you leave in a hurry. What the fuck, you can't just do that."

You begin to laugh as Chris gets angrier, "you need to make up your mind, crackhead, do you want me there or no," you said bluntly.

He looked at you confused, "What are you saying."

You stand up as you prepare yourself to mock him. You make your shoulders big, and yourself, taller, "Hey, I'm Chris," you said in an annoying deep voice, "my girlfriend is so clingy and I'm going to tell my sister about how I'm going to break up with her."

As he realized what'd happened, his eyes started to turn big, "oh shit," he said, as he put his through his hair, "you heard it, shit, y/n/n, you weren't supposed to."

"Don't call me y/n/n, you lost that right when you said you wanted to end it," you said to then as your eyes were filled with tears. You were to drunk for this, you didn't even know what you were saying. He comes up to you and he holds your hands, he kisses both of them, "I didn't mean it," he said, as he wiped the tears from your face.

You pushed him away, "there is always meaning to whatever you say," you look at his sad eyes but you didn't care, he hurt you, "I'm breaking up with you," you said to him as bluntly as you can.

You broke your own heart before he could. Nahida stood there, with her mouth open, she was as shook as Chris who was heartbroken at what he had just heard, he knew he deserved it but he never thought it'd hurt so much.

You didn't even want to talk to him, it was painful enough. As he tried to touch you, you moved away, letting him know that he's not welcome to touch you.

You speak to Nahida, "Tell him to leave," you told her giving her a stare. Chris got the idea and went towards the door, Nahida led him to it.

You sit on the sofa, thinking, was this what you wanted. You'll find out later, but not right now. Right now, you wanted to sleep.

3 Months later:

After getting your dream role in, Sofia Coppola's new movie, you were ready to move on from the pain and sorrow that had been caused.

There had been regret, you couldn't deny that, but there was also a sense of hope, hope for the future, for the better.

Today was the screen tests, you weren't sure who was playing your co-star, you hoped for someone like, Jharrel Jerome, or Chris Hemsworth, or Henry Golding.

It didn't matter because you were on cloud 9 and nothing can bring you down.

You were living at Nahida's for the time being. You were pretty sure, Asif, Nahida's husband was tired of you already, due to the fact that you were a major cock blocker. But spending time with them and baby, Daniyal was good for you as it took your mind off of him.

You reached the 21st Century Fox studios. The last time you'd been here, there weren't happy memories. You didn't want to bring it all back up in your head but your heart was saying something else.

You remember, seeing him kiss Jenny with such passion, you remember the jealous feelings inside of you. You especially remembered the time he called you clingy and said he'd end it off with you. You took a deep breath and thought, "fuck him, " you didn't want to waste the space in your mind for him.

As you got out of the car, you made sure to say thank you to your Uber driver, making sure to grab your purse and your script. The sun illuminated on your pale skin as you got out. Today was a good day, you felt it.

You entered the offices, you needed to go to the 3rd floor where, Sofia and producer, Gavin Palone were. You reached their office where Sofia's assistant, Eve, let you know that they'll bring me in when the male lead comes. You sat outside the office, you put your earphones on and listened to your favorite song, Dinero.

You sang along to it, "She take my dinero, take my dinero, " not realizing you started dancing too. You felt a tap on your shoulders, so you took your earphones off and looked up.

You were breathless, all your emotions came flooding out at once. "Hey, " he said, in a low, sorry voice. "Chris, what the fuck are you doing here, " you wanted to yell but said it silently.

He looked like he was about to throw up, "Chris?" You asked, in a stern voice.

As his face became as red as a tomato, he finally spoke,

"I'm the male lead."