#i am a certified gold girly

[raspberrybesitos]

this or that

thank you for the tags @sweetercalypso @fhatbhabiee @studioghibelli @mrsmando @amanitacowboy @joelslegalwhre 🩷

Coffee or tea | early bird or night owl | chocolate or vanilla | spring or fall | silver or gold | pop or alternative | freckles or dimples | snakes or sharks | mountains or fields | thunder or lightning | egyptian mythology or greek mythology | ivory or scarlet | flute or lyre | opal or diamond | butterflies or honeybees | macarons or eclairs | typewritten or handwritten | secret garden or secret library | rooftop or balcony | spicy or mild | opera or ballet | london or paris | vincent van gogh or claude monet | denim or leather | potions or spells | ocean or desert | mermaids or sirens | masquerade ball or cocktail party

why nobody like tea or wear gold omg 😭😩

np tags @nostalxgic @honeyedmiller @undrthelights @joelsgreys @joelsgreenflannel @endlessthxxghts @beardedjoel + whoever else wants to join!! <33 sorry if you’ve been tagged already 😔

[galebrainrot2024]

GalexTav Enemies to Lovers Part 22

Thank you all for being patient! I think moving forward with this long fic I will be doing Gale's POV with mere sprinklings of Tav. I am finding more of a flow with Gale's voice. My friends are here for the weekend and I was able to write this out during some between time so another shortie! I will be at a sports event all day and editing this because it's a rough draft (I am not a big sports girlie) and I may get some time to write that *ahem* piece about Gale in Lorroakan's chair.

Summary: Gale and Tav were rivals at Blackstaff, thrown together by circumstance to defeat the absolute. Tensions continue to rise, and we wonder - will Gale be able to share his shame and desire with her? Or will he succumb to his own folly once more?

Read on Ao3 | Master List | Part 21

Gale was overwhelmed, exhausted, and the rush of emotion all consuming. He was so unprepared for the torrent of feeling that would sweep through him with the orb compelled to silence, and forgot how to navigate the juxtaposition of emotions. He felt certifiably mad, unable to regulate between his mortal, carnal, and emotional hunger as if he was spread too thin. His thoughts were muddled and incoherent as emotion intoxicated him.

On top of it all, he was peckish, the rations in the Shadowedlands far worse than any part of their journey to date and made him irrationally infuriated. How was he supposed to nourish anyone on such vile scraps. Despite their frequent looting to Gale’s dismay, they were hardly able to scrounge up enough gold and supplies to be even remotely adequate. 

And, since the primary culinary duties fell to him, he felt largely responsible for their survival. He rifled through the half eaten apples, stale bread, and rotten fish and groaned. He contemplated, a hand on his waist the other rubbing his chin. 

“What am I supposed to do with this… barely anything to create a pitiful excuse for a meal..” he picked up rotten fish bones repulsed, holding it as if it were cursed.

Tav came stumbling into his tent, three packs on each arm, the straps digging into her skin and streaking it red and blue. He exhaled, his core hot with desire as he watched her drop the bags dramatically then flop onto the floor cushion beside him. 

“Aren’t you going to thank me?” She said, dropping her arms over her head and gazing at him with batting lashes, breathing heavily. His stomach churned and he swallowed as he saw her tilt her head back, exposing the hollow of her neck. Tav’s body strung in such a way it seemed it was begging to be worshiped, to be lavished with sensual pleasures of flesh and mind. 

He cleared his throat, “And exactly what am I thanking you for? You impeded on a rather stressful meal preparation I’ll have you know…” his brow raised with suspicion and he leaned towards her and the bags that surrounded her on the ground. 

“For being exceptionally charming.” She flashed a wicked grin that made him want to kiss her to wipe the smugness from her face. To make her feel a fraction of the sinful consumption he felt for her, to make her beg for it. He brushed his lips, the thoughts of her distracting him atom formulating coherent thought. She sighed and smiled playfully, gesturing to the tattered packs. “Behold! Feast your eyes on the bountiful gifts I bestow upon you to use, at your discretion. Not to spoil the surprise, but…” she twisted a piece of her hair before pulling it behind her head, holding it up. “it is a far cry from half-eaten apples and moldy bread.” 

He felt his lips twitch. “Oh?” He said coyly, kneeling and brushing against her as he lowered himself to search the bags. They were full of vegetables, fruits, fresh bread and meat. Gales eyes widened with surprise and he felt the sweeping need and adoration saturate him, the sensation so overpowering he felt his body shudder and buckle as if he were prepared to weep. Then? Anger. Embarrassment. The tender emotions subtly laced with the shame he was not able to provide for her. Still, he was overtaken by her cleverness and resourcefulness. Gale was mystified, the heat creeping down his spine and pooling at his core deeply unholy. Had he ever felt this way about Mystra? “By Mystra’s grace… how did you…” 

“Well,” she said, gazing down at her nails before she flicked her gaze to him flirtatiously. He felt his lips purse and his palms were slick. “Lucky for you, I have exceptional people skills.  I convinced that generous trader to let a few things off her hands.” 

“And the cost?” He looked up from fingering bulbs of garlic and fresh, juicy tomatoes skeptically. Surely, she wouldn’t have wasted all of their gold on this. They’d managed on scraps thus far… oh. This was a grave mistake and the alarms reverberated in his mind but he was past the ability to care. There was only need. 

Tav’s cheeky grin spread and she licked her lips in such a way that he felt the primal urges untangle, the fire in his core licking desperately. “Free.” She leaned forward, resting her chin in her hands and winked. As she did this, her hair fell into face and he reached up to brush it away from her eyes. 

He felt the steady, intense thrum of his heart and before he was able to overthink and stop himself he cupped her face, tilting her chin to him with his fingers. “You have never been more attractive to me.” 

For a moment, he was filled with dreaded panic as he watched her face fall. He worried he had said too much, been too forward, but when he watched the crimson spread like fire across her cheeks and watched her lips part, he felt himself swell. 

The electrons and neurons fired chaotically, his skin aflame and it felt as if they were connected by the Weave itself and yet it was merely their skin. Gale’s hand against her delicate, supple skin. So close to tasting her. He felt himself begin to twitch to life, the throbbing distracting.

They gazed at one another like this, time itself suspended in amber, he took in every aspect of her, her smell, the curve of her cheeks, the tingling shock that exchanged between their skin.

And then she said something that would irrevocably alter the course of Gale’s journey: 

“So…” she murmured, leaning into his touch and tilting her head. “Are you going to finally kiss me or are you just going to sit there and think about it?” 

His mouth hung agape and he drowned in feral intoxication. Was she serious? It felt like his brain stopped functioning, not a thought formulating in the swell of desire. He searched her large, dark eyes to see if she was genuine, to see if she felt the same hunger festering within her core. Could she really want him? After all this time? He thought of the years he spent ruminating on her, how he should have done so much differently... It almost felt like a second chance. He felt the tugging at the edges of his mind to tell her, that she needed to know what he had done before he allowed them to take this plunge. 

But the appetites of man were too great to suppress, more than formidable after a year of being ignored. His body was ravenous and aching to be touched. A slow, wolffish grin spread across his face before he murmured, “I need no further encouragement,” and despite knowing he had so much he needed to tell her, he worried the moment would slip away quicker than a dream if he didn’t act now. 

When he leaned to her, he barely allowed his lips to brush against hers and the sensation nearly overtook him and felt the stiffness between his thighs. He was ready to erupt right then, the right nudge from her would send him tumbling off the cliff of pleasure. He felt the blood rush through his body, dizzying him, making his every region flair to life. Her soft whimper encouraged him and he brought her face to his, holding her face as if she were an illusion.

The kiss was tender at first, testing. He could nearly taste her impatience as the current swept through both of them, the heat of their breath mingling and she shyly pressed her tongue against his lip. The sensation was too much. He groaned, moving his hand to the back of her head greedily to pull her tighter to him and pushed her mouth open with his tongue. Her body responded eagerly and she rested back, pulling him over her and he grunted, she tasted like honey, lavender. Sweet and delicious. Better than anything he could have envisioned. She tasted like redemption, love, forgiveness - everything he desperately sought. 

He was wild, unhinged as his leg hooked over hers, the clothes separating them feeling like a curse. He felt the warmth between her legs as his knee dug in between them and he felt her move desperately against him, seeking friction. His lips worked their way across her jaw, her neck, when the flap of his tent flung open and he stood so fast he tweaked his leg and grunted. “Oh for the love of gods,” he hissed, turning to hide his visible excitement. Tav scrambled to sit up and tucked her hair down. 

Wyll stood in the threshold, a grin plastered on his face. “By Bauldran’s helm, I didn’t realize what I’d be walking into. Far be it from me to interrupt..” Wyll snickered, and Gale smoothed back his hair and turned to face him, looking to Tav who still looked disheveled and devastatingly beautiful. She seemed frozen, his body arched and was desperate for more. “I was asked to see what’s on the menu…” 

Gale huffed, crossing his arms. “Well, you can inform everyone that thanks to Tav,” he shot her a glance and saw her rapt attention, how her skin and eyes glowed with desire, and he realized she was so enraptured by him. Confidence swelled through him. He wanted to please her, to bring her to the brink of bliss and pleasure only to pull it back and deny her the satisfaction. As she rested against the pillow, his find filled with  lustful images of her naked body, sprawled out and mewling for release as he licked every inch of her, tasted the warm, sweet bud between her thighs. 

“I can inform everyone thanks to Tav…?” Wyll interrupted his thoughts and Gale shifted, the again half formed arousal uncomfortably tight against his robes. 

“Ah, right that, erm… dinner may take a while as I had yet to begin any sort of preparation due to lack of resources,” Gale and Tav held one another’s gaze as he spoke the next words, the dual intention thick and guttural. “She was able to secure a most abundant selection of produce for a proper meal. We owe her a world of gratitude and I assure you, the wait will be most satisfying.”

[bitchwhoyoukiddin]

Weird facts about me.

I am partially blind in both eyes due to a stupid condition that is under-studied and has no real treatment.

My dad was a pilot in the Navy for ~20 years. During that time, he flew airplanes into hurricanes to gather weather data. He did that for, like, 5-6 years. He was, in fact, a Hurricane Hunter.

I once got in trouble because me and a host of friends found a bucket of scorpions in the back yard and were poking them with sticks.

I obtained my first certified birth certificate (which I still own) because I needed to fill out a work permit with my school to be able to get a part-time job when I was 14.

I would love to be an outdoor girlie but all bugs that bite LOVE ME, I have severe allergic reactions to their venom/enzyme spit, and I am allergic to the most effective brands of hardcore bug repellent.

I was an active Girl Scout for twelve years and went to camp (including off-trail and canoe trips) five times. I achieved my silver award and was working on a gold award when the local troop fell apart because the then-leader's daughter was convicted of a misdemeanor. (Shoplifting.)

I have some kind of connective tissue disorder, but don't clinically qualify for any of the standard diagnoses.

I once grew my hair out to below my knees. I mostly cut it because the weight was giving me headaches.

I've wanted to learn book binding since 1996 when I found out someone was doing a fanbinding of a long, 3-part X-Files story and desperately wanted to be able to do that for stories I loved, but had zero resources or instructional information on how to do it on my own (or access to a printer or binding equipment). I finally learned in 2023! Sadly, I do not remember the X-Files trilogy but it involved the agents getting involved in a portal fantasy.

All of my adult vacations have involved traveling to (or with) friends I have met online or through fandom. I have gotten to travel so much because of these people, and it is delightful. I also can prove certain people exist.

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Well I might have pierced ears but at least I have them for the most himbo reason imaginable

My sister's friend had to do like 10 more ear piercings to get "certified" to do them for cash at like a clair's or ardene's, and I wanted to help out.

I just didn't particularly care whether my ears were pierced or not.

I immediately found out I was allergic to gold, and even though my step mother was okay with me doing it, she was NOT okay with the idea of me immediately taking them out so that the holes would actually heal instead of being permanent. She was upset because she had bought these tiny little gold heart earrings to make sure I didn't get in infection from "cheap metals", but those earring were making my lobes swell so badly I couldn't sleep at night. I think she was also upset because I had finally agreed to do something 'girly' but then seemed to immediately change my mind. If she had've just let me take them out right away they wouldn't have healed as piercings, they would have healed shut. Because I was forced to wait to appease her, even though I took them out shortly after and never wore any, it was too late. Now they just periodically get infected.

So now I have pierced ears even though I am allergic to any metal I could possibly put in them, and they are very visible because I have to keep cleaning them out. I hate that they look gendered and I can't really go out of my way for the surgery to close them up unless i let the infections get out of hand and find a doctor willing to concede to it for emergency medical reasons.

[gabsreadingagain]

🏒 🩰 🎹🥅 𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐑𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰𝐬; 𝘽𝙧𝙪𝙩𝙖𝙡 𝙊𝙗𝙨𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙤𝙣 & 𝘿𝙚𝙫𝙞𝙤𝙪𝙨 𝙊𝙗𝙨𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙗𝙮 𝙎. 𝙈𝙖𝙨𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙮!

🏒 I’ve been on a hockey romance kick this entire year so far. I think I read 3 books that weren’t hockey hahaha. I am still very much on a hockey romance kick. But, this series definitely catapulted my addiction into full speed ahead. See below for my reviews of 𝘽𝙧𝙪𝙩𝙖𝙡 𝙊𝙗𝙨𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙤𝙣 & 𝘿𝙚𝙫𝙞𝙤𝙪𝙨 𝙊𝙗𝙨𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙤𝙣 by @authorsmassery

𝘽𝙧𝙪𝙩𝙖𝙡 𝙊𝙗𝙨𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙤𝙣 - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

𝐇𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐬. “𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐨𝐤𝐚𝐲, 𝐕𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭?” 𝐈 𝐧𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐰 𝐦𝐲 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬. “𝐍𝐞𝐰 𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞.”

Okay. I fell down this rabbit hole of a series and I haven’t been able to climb my way out. This book started my obsession with dark hockey romances. Could not put this book down! 

Let’s start. Greyson is quite literally an asshole, certifiably insane. Let’s start there. If you’re looking for a MMC to sweep you off your feet and take you to a castle and feed you grapes, Greyson is NOT your man. However, once he’s set his sights on you, there’s no getting away from him. And, bookish red flag girlies love that. He has a lot of red flags, a lot of fucked up tendencies, and he most certainly does not grovel. 

Greyson is the reason Violet will quite literally never dance again. He was the reason she shattered her leg. And, somehow Greyson doesn’t think HE is the problem. He’s worried about his reputation after what’s happened. He’s grown a disdain for Violet. But the disdain grows into an obsession. Their chemistry was through the roof, you could really feel the hatred on both ends but there was that sliver of “what if” both MCs had. Violet was a freaking bad ass, they told her she’ll never dance again and she said BET. She also gave Greyson a run for his money. 

Check your TWs. This book is not for the faint of heart. 

𝘿𝙚𝙫𝙞𝙤𝙪𝙨 𝙊𝙗𝙨𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙤𝙣 - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

STEELE MF O’BRIEN has my goddamn heart. I loved him, there was nothing you could do to convince me otherwise. He’s definitely sick and twisted, maybe a little more unhinged than Greyson honestly, but he was gold. The connection between Aspen and Steele was IMMEDIATE. And then they find out they’re soon to be step-siblings? And that just UPS. THE. ANTI. Their connection began long before they found out that their parents were soon to be wed. Aspen doesn’t come from money, and in order to stay in school her stepfather has enlisted her help in spying on her new step-bro in exchange for her tuition to be paid. Steele is outraged that Aspen will be attending HIS school and he’ll do everything in his power to make sure her time at Crown Point is miserable. However, Aspen & Steele begin to find themselves in a complicated hate-hate relationship, with some obsession & love mixed in there. Aspen is also a BAD ASS. She took what Steele gave her and gave it back to him 10-fold and we love that about her. She was quiet but she was a perfect match for Steele. Aspen has lived through tough times and a lot of trauma, she was so strong, I loved her tenacity. Overall, loved them together. & the story was captivating, perfect example of romantic suspense.

💬: What are your fave hockey romances?

[streetgxth]

you can tell a lot about someone by the type of music they listen to

rules: hit shuffle on your media player and write down the first 20 songs, then tag 10 people. no skipping!

ok so i am fashionably late to doing this (very on brand for me) but i really wanted to do it so here we are. extra special thank you to @himbocalum for tagging me in this. out of all my 8 years of being on tumblr this is my first tag game can you believe? anyways lets go this is gonna be a little long and so if i can’t figure out how to put this up as a read more then i apologize. feel free to come talk to me about any of these songs or bands i'd be more than happy to chat!!

1. graveyard souls - crown the empire: i love this band so fucking much ooooomg y'all don't even know. this song goes so hard and dave and andy's vocals on it... yes. also "just shut your eyes and remember you're never alone" i'm emo about it and always will be thnx

2. teenagers - my chemical romance: speaking of emo lmao. this right here a fucking emo kid classic. this song is fun af and i love my chem v much

3. bury a friend - billie eilish: i don't care i'm gonna say it. this is a great fucking song and the vibes are immaculate especially the bridge like are you kidding? i love the horror movie energy of it so much

4. nightmare - halsey: MY MF WIFE omg i love miss halsey with my whole heart. she really went tf in on this one and for that i thank her. she sounds so powerful on this one and i just- yes

5. horizon - bad seed rising: rip to this band they not dead just broken up :( anyways i love their singers voice here and lyrics on this one feel very hopeful and the song kinda makes me think of spring time for some reason? i don't know but it's a great song

6. the fallout - crown the empire: once again I LOVE THIS BAND especially this song bc it was the first one i ever heard by them and that made me love them from the start. it has a special place in my heart for that fact and even tho it's not an emotional song it makes me emotional bc of the memories i have with it. so yeah an amazing song i love the theatrics of it and the breakdown!!! pure fuego

7. kids in love - mayday parade: this one really throws me back to the start of my emo days. i listened to this song bc it was the basis of a 5sos one shot djskdhdjd. ANYWAYS love this song it's a bop and i listen to it every time it comes on shuffle

8. rest in piss - old wounds: oof we really getting into the diversity of my music taste with this one. so basically what this song is saying is FUCK FASCISM!!! and i agree. this song goes crazy and i love it and i love his voice and i love this band

9. voodoo doll - 5 seconds of summer: this song is a bop! such a throwback to my early emo days as well. self titled era was a Time™ and i've lowkey been missing it

10. choker - beach goons: this song is pretty short and simple but i love her bc it was the first song i heard by this band and i immediately fell in love with them. i miss them so much as well. nothing happened to them just thinking about seeing them live

11. untouchable - motionless in white: i fucking love motionless in white holy fuck. i will say that this is a song by them i'm more neutral towards like she's good and all but i don't love it like some others songs by them

12. detox - darke complex: another one of my absolute favorite bands and i'm still sad about them breaking up. ugh this song is so fucking good i love it so much. the bridge on this *chefs kiss* they did not have to snap so hard like damn!!

13. autumn leaves - ed sheeran: i don't listen to him v much anymore but this song still hurts. it's so pretty and the first time i heard it i cried (which partly may or may not have been bc once again it was the basis for a fic i was reading djsjskdjfk)

14. blasphemy - bring me the horizon: another song i'm a bit more neutral towards but still really enjoy this band. oli sounds great on this song tho i love his voice

15. breathe in, breathe out - set it off: I LOVE THIS BAND AHHH!! you know how some bands really aren't THAT great when they first start one which is fine but like set it off is hardly one of those bands. this is an older song by them and like they've just always been so fucking good and i love that about them

16. lucky strike - troye sivan: my mf baby troye omg. this song is a certified bop! it's so catchy and fun and he sounds so good on it. ugh i love my son

17. concrete - as it is: my other son!! I know patty walters is not the only member but i do have a special place for him in my heart so! anyways this song launches me into my sophomore year omg. i listened to this song a lot and it's just such a pure pop punk song imo and i just love it

18. fountain of youth - cane hill: this brings me back to summer 2016 which ugh one for the books y'all such a good summer. but uh yeah this song is sick i love me some good metalcore

19. all i see is gold - bridgit mendler: y'all we failed bridgit she was the unproblematic pop girlie that we needed!! this song is just stunning she sounds amazing and the energy of this song is just so real and you can really feel the tension in it

20. winter - pvris: i love pvris!!! this song lyrically isn't that fun but overall sonically it's so bouncy and upbeat and i love songs like that especially ones by pvris bc i adore lynn's voice

if you’ve already done this pls just ignore this of course but if you haven’t then go ahead and do it if you’d like: @reddestdesert @fourdrunksluts @malumsmermaid @calsbunny @babyboyafi @killmytyme ​ @wheniminouterspace ​ @singledadharrington ​ @jizzhands ​ @daftprettyboyys

[suckerforsmylex]

I Think I Made You Up Inside My Head - Pt. 6

“I should have loved a thunderbird instead; At least when spring comes, they roar back again. I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead. (I think I made you up inside my head.) “- Sylvia Plath, Mad Girls Love Song

The phone buzzes again, waking you out of your stunned stupor. Joker’s message blinks again, reminding you that his eyes are on you somehow and you suddenly realize that you’ve been shirtless this entire time and grab a button up and throw it on.  The thought that he may have been admiring your tits from afar makes you blush and you think to yourself, how is it that I am angry and turned on at the same time?

Closing the closet doors and sitting down on the bed again, you look around for a hint of how he may be able to observe you.  You search for cameras and bugs as if you were in a spy flick, but after about ten minutes, you realize that you don’t have time to investigate.  It’s much more important to try to recall who you got yourself into this mess in the first place.  The knife he dropped when he cut through your baby doll top, is still on the floor so you reach down to retrieve it and examine it closely.  

It is entirely made of gold and very sharp with a beautifully ornate handle.  It’s apparent that this knife is a specially made killing apparatus.  You indulge a strange urge to put the knife to your tongue and begin grinning again but you don’t know why. The confusion you feel is simultaneously exhilarating and frightening and suddenly it feels like an intense headache is coming on as another involuntary memory flashes back to you uncontrollably.

The Joker had just been committed after a plea of “not guilty, by reason of insanity.”  The sentence seemed appropriate as he was clearly insane. Throughout the trial, he tormented his own lawyer to the point where he resigned and The Joker had to be represented by a public defender.  When the sentence came down that he would be committed to the loony bin that is Arkham asylum, he smirked, winked at you and stroked the bulge in his pants.

By now, you had grown used to his vulgar displays of affection in the court room and you secretly enjoyed them.  Mid-trial he had to be restrained because during a court recess your earring came off, and when you bent down to get it, he tried to lunge and bite at you while spouting off all kinds of filthy things.  They put him in a muzzle and you became so stirred by the public display, that you had to excuse yourself to the restroom to “relieve yourself.” As you touched yourself, you thought of his eyes on you and how intense his glare was.

When they took him from the court room, you knew that there was a chance that you would never see him again and you decided at the last minute that you would actually take the nutty blonde up on her offer. Yes, you had gone out for a smoke earlier, after a particularly disturbing testimonial from a witness to a Joker murder. You didn’t smoke regularly but did under periods when you were stressed out.  You were sitting on a bench when she approached.  She was a bizarre girl and you couldn’t stop looking over as she was making her way up the court house steps.  She was singing a strange tune as she made her way up, skipping over and introducing herself abruptly.  “Hiyah!  Are you Y/N?”

You nodded suspiciously and she grabbed the cigarette from you, took a drag and then threw it behind her head which pissed you off because you had just lit it. “Hey! I just lit that!”  She suddenly stuck her hand out to shake yours.  “Harley Quinn. Pleased to meetcha’! Wow, Mistah J said you were cute and boy, was he right!”  A slight pout came across her face, but she quickly replaced it with a huge grin.  “I’m gonna’ make you an offer you can’t refuse honey bun.” The smiling blonde was freaking you out and you decided you would walk back into the court room after all.  Harley screamed out in desperation.  "Face it, you’re just like me!  A certified nutso and hopelessly in love with a murderous, psychopathic clown. Tell me you don’t want to break him out of the joint?”  

You spun around on your good leather heels.  “Are you talking about The Joker?”  You looked into Harley’s wild eyes and she smiled a crazed smile.   “Mistah J, sugar or Puddin.”  But you have to earn that last one! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!”  A slow smile spread across your face and Harley clasped her hands in delight. “Show me what I have to do,” you squealed.  Harley’s excitement was rubbing off on you.  That and the lack of your medication.  You’d stopped taking it during the trial.  The Joker’s madness made you feel liberated and you decided that you would just live that way, without any help from medication to balance you out.  It was the freest you’d felt in a long time. “Meet me tonight and wear this. We’ll meet about a block from your apartment.  I’m so happy to have a girlfriend to go shopping with!”  

Harley tossed a silky red fabric at you.  It was a hood.  You’d heard of the Red Hood Gang, but only just then realized that you’d joined it.  No one knew how the Red Hood robbed all the banks they did, but you realized that it was a collective of criminals, of varying importance, all pledging their allegiance to The Joker. Harley was his second in command and you were proving yourself as a suitable number 3 with your sights on learning more as her apprentice.  

Harley had her heart set on robbing Nordies, the expensive department store with the beautiful Christmas displays every year, so you went in as a sort of a test to your commitment to her and the Joker mafia. You came out with the Gucci dresses she asked for and a couple of extras for yourself.  “Naughty, Naughty! Wheee!  Wahoo! You are amazing, girly,” Harley exclaimed.  You handed her the bags and kept one for yourself:  A tight black jumpsuit, black heels and a cologne you picked out just for J.            

In that very moment, you decided that you were going to break The Joker out of his cell.  Harley was still hatching a plan but you wanted to go without her. She loved him but you wanted him to know that you loved him more.  You baked him a cake with a phone in it for his birthday and sent it in to the Asylum and The Joker texted you back to let you know when Arkham was at its best to break him out. You took the keys to the purple Lambo and left the apartment to break The Joker out of the crazy house. After parking and posing as one of the guard’s wives who was in to visit and bring him his lunch, you put the men to sleep with a solution The Joker had given you the recipe for.  

The Joker came out of his cell and strolled right over to you with his straight jacket still on. He planted a rough kiss on you and you presented him with the cologne. He smirked, growled in your ear, and then you released him and you both fled to rob a jewelry store later in the night. This is where you remembered the knife from.  This is where you remembered the diamonds and the gold jewelry from.  You realize that you are hiding the entire stash in your closet for him.

You decide to dial Frost.  He answers and he’s all business as you figured he would be.  “What do you need?  Mister J said you might be calling for something.”  You’re bubbly when you answer. Something about his stoic reactions draws the silly out if you. “Hi, Frosty!   Where’s J,” You rasp out. Frost is un-phased.  “He’s taking care of something. Do me a favor. Only call me if there’s an issue,” he responds and hangs up abruptly. You look at your phone again and start scrolling through your contacts again.  HQ.  HQ! It doesn’t stand for Headquarters! It’s Harley Quinn!  You decide to call the number.  “

How’s my favorite little squirrel? Still trying to get that nut,” Harley answers with a giggle.  “Is this Harley,” you ask tentatively. She’s silent for a moment and then she answers in a rising chuckle. “Wow, Mistah J was right doll, you’re really a mess!  Yeah, dummy, it’s Harl!  No fair!  You broke Mistah J out of the clink without telling me. I don’t know whether to kick your ass or kiss ya’, but I’m in big trouble and he’s here to help so I guess I’ll have to deal with you later.  Mistah J is helping me clean up a mess ova’ here, but hold tight honey, he’s on his way back to you.”

[guitarstringsam]

Lover track by track review

Don't drag me, there are no skips on this album.

1. I Forgot That You Existed: A certified bop. My mum loves this one too. Really sets the tone for the album and the production absolutely SLAPS. Pls have this on set list. Best lyric: "In my feelings more than Drake, so yeah." 8/10

2. Cruel Summer: Everyone loves this song including me. Was my initial favourite. Chorus and bridge are probably two of the best moments on the album it's so good and catchy. Best lyric: "I love you, ain't that the worst thing you've ever heard?" 10/10

3. Lover: My favourite single by a mile!! This song warms my heart and is literally top 3 I stan it so hard. Will probably be my wedding song. Fave lyric: All of it, it's PEAK softness 13/10

4. The Man: I like it and the message is good but it's not my favourite? Idk it's amazing but I stan the rest of the album too hard oops. Fave lyric: "I'd be a bitch not a baller." 7/10

5. The Archer: One of my favourite track 5 songs, it's soft and lovely and relatable. Makes me want to give Taylor a hug and never let go bc this is a sad bop :(. Fave lyric: "I never grew up, it's getting so old." 8/10

6. I Think He Knows: UNDERRATED GENIUS. This song has me grinning every time I listen to it it's such a happy and jumpy song. Also the chorus!!!!!!! Honestly this is so cute. Fave lyric: "We could follow the sparks, I'll drive." 9/10.

7. Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince: Wasn't one of my faves on first listen but now I adore it. I listened to it like 4 times in 20 minutes in Asda, it goes off so hard. The aesthetic, the vibes, the LYRICS omg. I love this song. Fave lyric: the whole chorus. 10/10

8. Paper Rings: Wow we love a Stay x 3 mood. It makes me smile so much Jesus I love love so much. It's girly but still mature and it makes me crave a relationship ladies and gays. Fave lyric: "I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this." Also the whole chorus we in CHORUS CITY. 10/10.

9. Cornelia Street: I love it. It's a sad bop definitely but still dancey? Idk. Wild. This song is stanned by a lot of people for good reason. I especially luv the bridge. Fave lyric: "We bless the rains on Cornelia Street." 7/10.

10. Death By A Thousand Cuts: Also wasn't one of my faves on first listen but now it's top 3 on Lover oop. I LOVE THIS SONG. Its a sad dance bop with beautiful lyrics and the tone,,,,, sis let me tell you it's so perfect. Go stream DBATC rn and never stop. Fave lyric: "If the story's over why am I still writing pages?" 13/10.

11. London Boy: MY FAVOURITE ON THE ALBUM. Lmao if you follow me on twitter y'all will know but I never shut up about this song. It's so much fun and is so soft also Taylor saying Shoreditch owns my ass for now and forever. Production: slaps. Lyrics: slap. Vocals: slap. Fave lyric: how do you choose this is all GOLD. 13/10

12. Soon You'll Get Better: This is such a sad song that I actually can't listen to it in public bc I cry. I've been through something similar and boi this had me sobbing at 6am on first listen. Dixie Chicks feature has my heart. God bless Andrea Swift. Fave lyric: "I'll paint the kitchen neon, I'll brighten up the sky." 10/10.

13. False God: WOW I love this song. I love a good horn section and this is IT chief. This is sexy and soft and I just love it honestly it's so underated even though it's god ;) tier. Fave lyric: "And I can't talk to you when you're like this/staring out the window like I'm not your favourite town." 10/10

14. You Need To Calm Down: As a gay swiftie I have to stan. Goes off hard, supports human rights and is a big fuck you to the WBC and Tr*mp. Video is banging too. Fave lyric: "Shade never made anybody less gay." 9/10.

15. Afterglow: Soft soft soft. So relatable and self aware and I love that for us. Also underrated for some reason?? Smh stan taste please. Production is dreamy and the lyrics hit hard. She really out here. Fave lyric: "Fighting with a true love is boxing with no gloves." 9/10.

16. ME!: A lot of people hate this song??? Excuse me sir it's a BOP I love it. So happy, so fun and Brendon Urie was my comphet crush from when I was like 12 onwards lmao I only have one request which is BRING BACK SPELLING IS FUN. Fave lyric: "Livin' in winter, I am your summer." 8/10.

17. It's Nice To Have A Friend: I like it, probably one of my least favourites here though? I gotta be in the mood for it ig. Love the message and vibe though honestly go off Taylor ily. Fave lyric: "Something gave you the nerve to touch my hand." 7/10.

18: Daylight: Uhhhh did somebody say callback? I've stanned since Red and saw the tour so this made me very happy. Also can we stan Joe because she's so soft for him it's adorable. Fave lyric: again pretty much all of it. 10/10.

Overall I LOVE Lover. It's brilliant and probably my new favourite album. AOTY at Grammy's cowards xx @taylorswift @taylornation