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thequibblah · 3 years ago

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hi so i'm looking for some new music to listen to and i thought you could help because you have great taste!

if this helps, i'll tell you what i normally listen to, which is very basic & basically the same few artists over and over lol

- mostly just taylor swift, she makes up 70+% of my listening probably haha and if i had to pick a favorite genre of hers it would be the folkmore style

- some other pop, like olivia rodrigo and conan gray and lorde & some doja cat but i'm not a huge fan of doja's lyrics

- lyrics are really big for me, so is having a pretty voice and nice melodies

- i love your playlists but the old songs are usually not my style (there's been some though that i really like, ty for that !! <3)

- ceremonials is my favorite florence album

- liability is my favorite lorde song

no problem if u don't want to!

OH i basically recommend things for a living so why not music, eh?

so. what i'm getting from this is that you have three big listening buckets: soft acoustic and indie pop and just plain old pop. so i will divide my recs by those broad genres! i too prefer singable music so i will try to lay off on especially dissonant artists, or mark them as such so you can be prepared (LOL)

acoustic/folksy (i'll admit i am a big indie pop girl so this stuff will be a bit sparser)

phoebe bridgers — admittedly she is more alt-rocky, but see garden song, savior complex, moon song, graceland too, prayer in open D

waxahatchee — can't do much (GOD THIS SONG), lilacs, st. cloud

lucy dacus — also more alt-rocky, but here r some softer jams: hot & heavy, christine, green eyes, red face (a jily song)

anything by first aid kit! start with stay gold and the lion's roar

hozier — i feel like most people on the internet have listened to SOME hozier but check out wasteland, baby! (i tried to pick individual songs and ended up listing most of the album LOL)

kacey musgraves — another artist you've probably listened to already, but try golden hour

brittany howard — stay high must be the sweetest song in existence, and basically all of her album jaime

arlo parks — the whole album but especially caroline, hurt, and black dog

lake street dive — i can change, good kisser (a mary song if i've ever heard one), and i adore their hall & oates cover!

anya marina — this whole album has had me by the throat since like 2013

lucius — just the whole album wildewoman, h/t @figg-anon for putting me onto this!

idk what tf genre fiona apple is but try her out as well!

artists i listen to less of but are in this vein: the lumineers, bon iver, vance joy

u know i had to rec some old people shit (LOLLLL), so in this vein, joni mitchell, heart, judee sills, emmylou harris, joan baez, vashti bunyan

one-off songs you might like: hold you now by vampire weekend, big wheel by samia, i eat boys by chloe moriondo, strawberry blond by mitski (i worship at the altar of mitski but she might not be your speed haha), like i used to (acoustic) by sharon van etten & angel olsen, body by julia jacklin, jackie onassis by sammy rae and the friends, cowgirl bebop by HANA

indie pop BELOVED

maggie rogers — ok i cannot recommend this higher like if u like lorde and conan gray drop everything now and mainline maggie's brilliant debut album

HAIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! — they've got poppier songs like want you back and more mellow songs like summer girl, but honestly i would just recommend a deep dive because they have a pretty surprising breadth within their own alt-rock/pop niche

caroline polachek — can sometimes get way out n weird in the pop sense but so hot you're hurting my feelings is a very listenable pop standard (also it's so funny she's such a clever lyricist also this is irrelevant here but she sounds amazing live), also love look at me now and her cover of breathless

charli xcx is more experimental pop but would rec trying out warm (FT HAIM!!!), blame it on your love (FT LIZZO!!), and official

rina sawayama — technically her album is all sorts of genres but especially XS, comme des garcons, paradisin', bad friend, and tokyo love hotel

orla gartland is a lil softer and i love more like you, oh GOD, and did it to myself

king princess — especially cheap queen, 1950, holy, but basically all of cheap queen

more one-offs: kansas by ashe, comeback by CRJ (full paean in her honour to come in the pop section), i am a big fan of other people covering the bleachers (LOL) especially rollercoaster by charli xcx and i wanna get better by tinashe (full tinashe praise to come too), saturdays by twin shadow (FT HAIM!!!), the kiss of venus and 3 nights by dominic fike (also his interlude on halsey's album), aute cuture and milionària by rosalía, young lover by st. vincent (i love her but again might not be for u haha), good days by sza, backyard boy by claire rosinkranz, slow dancing by aly & aj, hot sugar by glass animals

if ur down to try out something weird witchy and cool, kate bush is like the originator of 9 billion pop and rock genres and hounds of love is a masterpiece

pure pop (we can split hairs on what makes pure pop LOL but basically everything here is based on ur enjoyment of doja)

carly rae jepsen — ok if u haven't listened to her non-radio-hits u may be like "what?? call me maybe lady???" to which i say YES, especially window, stay away, no drug like me, and too much

victoria monet — this may or may not be a selling point to you, but victoria is a frequent ariana grande collaborator and you can absolutely hear it in her music (see also: the mattress spring background noises in dive JUST like they are in positions...), and i love experience, go there with you, and we might even be falling in love, and why not throw in her ariana grande collab monopoly

magdalena bay — how to get physical which i am destined, nay, contractually bound, to put in a jily modern AU someday, killshot, stop & go

tinashe — basically ALL of her new album!!! SO good. i also love rascal (superstar), esther, and old jams like company (and i JUST found out she has a chaka khan cover!)

chloe x halle have the most angelic vocals in the world

this might sound actually demented because WHO hasn't heard love on the brain but rly... go give ANTI a re-listen...

tove lo — especially are u gonna tell her, mateo, and jacques

WAIT I FORGOT TO SAY ROBYN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVERY ROBYN SONG!!!!!!!

for that throwback poppy sound u may as well go real throwback KJAHKJA and check out donna summer!

one-offs: right to it by louis the child n ashe, serial lover by kehlani (also more by her but im getting lazy now kdjfhgk), missed calls by max n hayley kiyoko, peppers and onions by tierra whack, idk who hasnt heard this song but circles by meg, todo de ti by rauw alejandro (the way i wanted this to be song of the summer so bad ;___;)

hope you enjoy and pls come back and tell me if you really liked any of these!!!! xoxo

#genuinely i have revealed so much about myself w this i feel like you could pick me out of a spotify lineup HAHHAAH #ask me #anon #music disk horse

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noiseartists · 6 years ago

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HOIRONG, talented post-indie noise bringers from India

Noise manipulators, from the Indian sub-continent, HOIRONG is a brainchild of frontman/guitarist - Kamal Singh. “The fat and ugly stepsister of pop music” is how they describe their music, and their latest album, Cow Gives Milk, is one of the best releases of 2019 from India that delivers an interesting mix of cleverly crafted Noise, Shoegaze, Punk and everything in between.

Basically you alternate between Madness and Pure Joy in beautifully crafted songs. Be ready to be entertained, enjoyed and surprised.

Here are a few example to listen to, illustrating the band’s variety of sounds and influences:

Note that they are part of Noise Artists Indian Shoegaze, Noise & Dream Pop volume 1 with other great bands We invite you in this piece to discover their music, who they are (interview, as whacky as their music can be), where to find their music and more information on the band.

THE BAND

The current line-up is:

Kamal

Akhil

Akshat

THE MUSICAL WORK

HOIRONG diverse musical work to date is as follows:

Cow Gives Milk (April 2019)

Mwah, LP, (May 2016)

The Old Newz, EP, (April 2015)

Dandaniya Apradh, LP, (August 2014)

Nursery Lies, LP, (2014)

A Hoirong Christmas (2013)

The Resurrection Of The Princess Of Woe And Her Vampire Hound Posse, LP, (March 2013)

Singles:

If I Slit Your Throat Would Your Blood Turn To Doves That Fly Out From Your Neck And Leave Me In Complete Awe, Nov 2014

23/24 (Dennis Rodman Tribute), Nov 2014

Under Section 87, 2014

Covers:

I Swear (All For One), March 2015

Lakhan (From The Movie - Ram Lakhan), July 2015

1979 (Smashing Pumpkins), June 2018

Titanium (David Guetta), 2013

Aaja Meri Gaadi Mein Betja (Baba Sehgal, Anu Malik), 2013

2 Become 1 (Spice Girls), 2014

Enter Sandman (Metallica), 2014

Smile (Unknown Artist), 2014

THE INTERVIEW

What is your music about?

Kamal: Living, Love, Laughter and Food

Akshat: Living, Love, Laughter, Food and Suicide

Tell us about the artists you have worked with.

Kamal: They are very good and it was a pleasure to work with each and every one of them.

We look forward to crossing paths once again in this lifetime.

Having said that, there are some people we have never worked with and never ever, ever…. like EVER want to work with them. We also have very bad things to say about them.

Akshat: Ryan Seacrest, Simon Cowell, that Masterchef guy, and many others. We like to work with Hoirong’s.

Where are you from? Where are you living now?

Kamal: India, We live in different cities…but we could say that we are based in Delhi/Bangalore

Akshat: What Kamal said, But additionally, seems like Akhil lives on twitter since we barely hear from him other than his tweets.

Akhil: We are a dysfunctional group where, half the time, we have no idea what the others are up to. But we get together (digitally) every few months when it’s time to work on music or release something.

What did you study?

Kamal: Quite a few things that I now realise I completely wasted my time on. That does not mean in any way that I had or have better things to do. Not at all. Not one millisecond of that thought even crosses my mind but maybe it did and I am in denial because I am mentioning it and in some way defending it. If it was not true why would I even be saying it.

Akshat: The art of following pursuits which will probably amount to nothing or very little at all

Akhil: Kamal is trying to say in a roundabout way that he studied music therapy. Akshat dropped out of engineering college I think. I studied English literature and journalism for some reason.

Kamal: No, I’m not. I was talking about school and the many things I tried to study and tormented myself.

What is your day job at present if any?

Kamal: Music Therapy

Akshat: New media Artist / FIlmmaker

Akhil: Writer/journalist.

Do you dream to live from your music or is it a passion you do not want to spend your full time on?

Kamal: This is definitely a trick question. My answer is … None of the above…. and …. Music is a dream and time is life. And to freely misquote Steve Vai “Passion is Warfare”

Akshat: No I don’t dream to live

Akhil: Never. Have you heard our music?

You have a great history. Could you tell us more on how the band came to be and its history really?

Kamal: The band came as a surprise. Hoirong began out of the intention of never being a band. It’s just misery to be a band and totally unproductive and completely useless. Why would anyone want to be in a band??? Everything I’ve just said here is a lie. This is just total reverse psychology to myself and everyone who has stood with us through the thick and thin that life has offered us. I would like to apologise on behalf of the band for all our mistakes and for the utter irresponsibility we have carried ourselves with. We have disappointed you and therefore, we hang our heads in shame and self disgust.

Akshat: I was and am a fan of Kamal’s writing before joining the band. One day he asked me out for a date, and I was like “Really”, and he was like “Really” and I was like “Damn, this is a dream come true”, and he was like “Give me 3 Rohypnol” to the chemist. Things are a little blurry after that, but safe to say nothing was the same ever since.

Akhil: Short answer: Kamal started it off as a solo thing to put out his music and Akshat and I barged our way into it and insisted he play with us.

Could you tell me how the band meet and decided to do music together?

Kamal: Mostly we just text each other. Recently we started sending each other voice messages on whatsapp.

Akshat: We usually try not to communicate unless absolutely necessary.

Akhil: Same as above.

Can you tell me the inspiration behind your band? You can detect the influences of noise and punk rock. You took these influences to make your own music, your own sound, which is not easy. Could you tell more?

Kamal: Yes, this is true. We might have done this without realising. By the way, the Air Jordans on Snapdeal, I am told, are fake.

Akshat: The 80’s No-wave movement, the 90’s garage and alternative movements, and basically every sound made by people dressed as bums.

Akhil: All the pretentious art movements of the last many decades.

Kamal: Wow! That’s a lot of putting together. We might have outdone ourselves.

Can you tell us about some of your favourite bands, the music you listen now, some you may want to bring the attention from the reader to?

Kamal: I like the music of Space Behind the Yellow Room and my new favourite band is Lo! Peninsula. Yes, both the bands paid me to say that and yes, I am the promoter for both the bands and so I just take every chance I get to plug them? Yeah!! we plug them both as hard as we can. Plug it to ya! Its plugged in!!!

Having said that, both these band would sound terrible unplugged.

Akshat: Indian bands I love are Lifafa, The Superfuzz, and HOIRONG.

You should definitely listen to HOIRONG. They are better than the other two I mentioned.

Akhil: Hoirong and Carly Rae Jepsen.

Was there a vision of sorts or did you know what you wanted to do when you started up?

Kamal: Yes. It was very clear - don’t waste my time. I did not mean that you are wasting my time. I meant that I and we as some sort of band should not waste time. Please believe me.

Akshat: Yeah there was a vision. It was meant to be like the opening 20 minutes of ‘Almost Famous’, but ended up being more like the ending 10 minutes of ‘The Shining’

Akhil: Just playing music.

Do you have any other musical side projects apart from this band?

Kamal: Yes, we have a few.

Akhil: We’re all always doing something or the other musically. Most of it is shit.

Could you tell me more on the band composition? Do you have plans to add new members, or is there possible departure scheduled from existing band members?

Kamal: Yes, we plan to add band members because there has always been a possibility that Akhil actually finally leaves us and joins a very famous world music fusion band. Well!.... good for him and good for them.

Akshat: I really hope Akhil stops holding us back after this album and quits. Akhil i hope you are reading this.

Akhil: We might get rid of the drummer.

Can you tell us more how you came to have the band’s name?

Kamal: It suited us so well, we had no way to talk ourselves out of it.

Who writes the song and the music and how do you get to the final song? Is it a community process, do you have leaders in composing or arranging music?

I, Kamal, the control freak Dictator won’t let anyone do anything.

Akshat: Supreme Leader and Commander in grief, Kamalala writes the frame, and then together we create the painting which eventually makes people eyes and ears bleed.

Akhil: Kamal writes all the songs (because we let him) and then we work on them - sometimes together, usually individually.

Do you listen to the advice of your band mates? What would you do if they said a song was shit but you liked it?

Kamal: Best way to deal with these situations is not to answer phone calls, ignore text messages and never make the mistake of opening whatsapp messages, you know what I mean? because if you do then the blue double fake nike logos change colour and... that’s that then.

Akshat: Never. I am the best and know better than everyone else in this band. +1 to what Kamal said

Akhil: No.

Was it kind of intimidating going to record knowing people might not be engaging with the songs in terms of hooks and such and trying to deliver an engaging sound on record?

Kamal: Oh! No! not at all. We are very confident and self assured as individuals. We have very high self-worth and self-esteem.

Akshat: Every night while finishing my daily bottle of scotch, I think, nay hope, that people will get our music, but know that it is too ahead of its time, and that they will never, and then I cry myself to sleep. Every night.

Akhil: No, I think we’ve gotten past those insecurities for the most part.

Talking about the lyrics: who write them? Is there a common thread in them, a theme? Who chose the songs’ name?

Who else…. that Dictator control freak.

Do you labor over your lyrics? Is that something that comes easy?

Kamal: Not at all. I wouldn’t say it was easy…. I think it comes fairly easily. Like… not too bad types. Yeah, medium speed and medium pace.

Do you have a message that you want to get across in your music? If so, what are some of the messages you want to spread?

Kamal: Yes we do. Love, Beauty, Peace, Child Labour, E-waste and Save the Forest and also Save the Tiger.

Did your listening habits changed over the years and does it affect what you write?

Kamal: Yes, We have gotten more impatient and maybe that has made us very idiotic as people too. I don't think we'll make it very far if we don't do something about it soon.

Akshat: Yes listening habits have changed. Earlier there was lesser access, but more meaning. Now there’s infinite access, but far lesser meaning, there’s an overpopulation of content and that is diluting the value and timelessness of art. but that’s just me. It affects how one thinks, feels and of course writes music. I think there is more pressure now than ever to write meaningful music and not contribute to the pile of crap already out there.

Akhil: My listening habits change every few months but I think we all will continue to like punk and the dirty guitar rock that informs Hoirong often.

How is your recognition going worldwide? Is it growing? Are you happy with it?

Kamal: It’s terrible. No we are the opposite of Happy. We are turning into a bunch of jealous crocodiles.

Akshat: We are world famous in India

Is it easy to find producers and studios where you live for indie-rock?

Kamal: Yeah, but none of them want to work with us. We keep asking for discounts and tell them we will pay them when we become famous or from the gigs we play but we never do and now they know all this too well to make fools of themselves anymore. I totally get it. No offense meant and none taken.

Your recorded sound is very good, which is not easy. Did you engineer the sound yourself, or did you have a sound engineer with you? If yes could you tell us more about him/her?

Kamal: No one wants to work with us. Viraj Mohan took bait once along with Keshav Dhar but now they know all our tricks.

Akhil: Not that he needs any more flattery, but the new record - as with a lot of the old ones - has been produced by Kamal on his Acer desktop.

Was it a community work to try to have the best sounding music possible or mainly driven by the sound engineer or by the band?

Kamal: Ok. Now you’re just trying to rub it in no?

Can you tell us how the recording process was?

Kamal: Terrible. Boring and very very tiring.

Akhil: For me, it was just recording hundreds of guitar parts to the songs at home and waiting for the mixes to see what made it and how the songs changed shape.

Could you let us know some important technical tricks you learnt during the process that could help other musicians not as experienced?

Kamal: Making Akhil play his parts and not recording him.

Akhil: He’s talking shit.

How did the recording work differ over time?

Kamal: We started paying more attention to the complaints we were receiving. This decision has led to purchasing a new sound card and a couple of headphones along with a laptop charger.

Akshat: We are very democratic and heard the public and acted upon it. One of the main issues people had with our music was Akhil’s crap guitar playing. So now, in this new album, we have basically buried his parts waaaaaaayyyyy in the back of the mix so that they are there but not there.

Akhil: Why is the drummer answering music related questions? Learn to play a real instrument first.

Is the recording material yours when you are out of a studio or do you borrow/rent it?

Kamal: No, no. We own everything we have.

Akshat: We mostly just burn the evidence after. That’s why no two albums of ours sound the same.

Akhil: I bought a brand new soundcard just to record my parts for this album.

Any interesting anecdotes on some recording session you would like to share?

Kamal: No, not really.

Did getting the live experience across on record create any pressure for yourselves in the recording process?

Kamal; No, the other method is severely pressurising, demotivating and very very emotionally destructive.

Akhil: If anything, Hoirong’s live sound (if we ever play live) tends to be very different from how we are on record.

Instruments: Are you mainly a Fender band?

Kamal: We don’t own any fenders but having said that we have seen some of them here and there *ahem* *cough* *cough* *hint* *hint*

Akshat: Dude there is a drummer in this band as well, what the fuck? Couldn’t you have mentioned a drum brand just for courtesy? That’s it, my interview is over.

*throws rock star tantrum and stops answering questions*

Akhil: Fender sucks. I am a left-handed guitar player and I play a PureSalem. I originally wanted a Fender Jazzmaster. But while the righty version was some $700, the EXACT SAME GUITAR left-handed would have cost me $3500 as well as import duties and a waiting period through the custom shop.

Kamal: Ooooo so much to talk about suddenly. “PureSalem”

Do you have one favorite instrument or do you change often?

Kamal: I change often.

Tell us what you are looking when trying to achieve your sounds? Do you experiment a lot or have a clear idea of what you want?

Kamal: Both.

Who is the more knowledgeable with pedals? You use them a lot, to great effect.

Kamal: Akshat is the expert.

PS - I just realised that pedals could mean 5 different things.

He could be the expert in selling drugs.

He could be an expert bicycle guy.

He could be an expert in guitar effects.

He could be an expert in hi hat and kick drum pedals.

He could be an expert race car driver.

See...Now… we will never know the correct answer.

Akshat: Kamal knows me so well.

How many concerts a year would you do on average and what would be the size of the venue?

Kamal: Last year we did one concert. The size of the venue was good. The stage was small so one of us had to stand off stage. It was difficult to concentrate on the gig trying to make sure our bandmate was not feeling out of place.

Akhil: it wasn’t last year, it was 2016.

Kamal: Oh!

Would you mind sharing some good anecdotes from your concerts/touring?

Kamal: Not enough experience to share any anecdotes.

Akshat: Kamal lies. He has a knack of getting into fights with people, which Akshat tries to diffuse, and then he gets angry at Akshat and beats the shit out of him. This has happened at 2 different festivals with people of 2 different nationalities.

Kamal : Akshat????

What are some places around the world that you hope to take your band? Do you have any plans at present to tour in other countries?

Kamal: Yes, we hope to be able to play in at least one more country apart from India.

Is there any reason in particular that you want to go to these places? Is there something about the music scene in those places that makes you want to go there?

Kamal: No reason really.

THE SCENE

Is it easy for an Indian indie bands to be known internationally? Do you have any example?

Kamal: Maybe it is. We hope it is.

Akshat: Not really. No one really cares about Indian bands not singing in Hindi since its not exotic enough.

Has the scene changed since you began, and if so how?

Kamal: Yes, the cover bands have come back. Yay!

Akshat: Yes, when we started there was a live band scene in India, quite a nice one at that. Then the Dj’s and EDM took over and now we don’t have that many live bands and a scene as such. But such is life , and thats a trend everywhere. Not hating, just stating.

Akhil: Not hating just stating lol.

Could you tell us a bit more about your record label and your relationship with it?

Kamal: We have no relationship with any record label.

How did the funding worked for the LP? Did you invest a lot yourself? Was your label supportive in that respect?

Kamal: No, no one supported us. We have no funding and we don’t really invest in ourselves. We learned the hard way. The only reason we are still around is because we believe in ourselves and would not give up no matter what.

Akshat: lol, what funding?

Where does the majority of the money go when you’re paying your own way?

Kamal: The funny part is there actually is no money that comes or goes anywhere when you are paying your own way. The money is just over, finished!

Akshat: lol, what money?

Do you make a decent revenue from your music or is it still very much a hobby?

Kamal: Not at all, we make a killing.

Akshat: Lol, What revenue?

How do you sell your recordings (shops, online, …)?

Kamal: Please Akshat, please surprise me by saying. “Lol, what shops?, Lol, what online?”

Akshat: Shops selling physical music in this digital age? Lol, … (stops himself)

Kamal: Rolls eyes dramatically.

Akshat: Rolls eyes back with double drama.

Akhil: Bandcamp is great. Other than that, we’re now on all the major streaming services, so we expect to make around $0.00006 for every thousand plays.

When is the next album due?

Kamal: Very soon. Akshat: With Akhil, probably in 2 years. Without Akhil, Yesterday

Akhil: Once we figure out our drummer scene.

Any other project (ie movies soundtrack, …) or plans.

Kamal: Yes, A collaboration with traditional Manipuri folk music.

Akshat: I’ve been writing some music independently, and with another band called Mag Phos so more music there

Akhil Sood: I write aimless music at home under the name Free Drone. I recently got a Chinese four-string guitar called a xuian (sp?) so maybe something with that.

Do you plan to continue music for a long time or are you tired of it?

Kamal: Both, I am tired of it but I plan to continue making music for a long time.

Akshat: It’s like that first girlfriend you had, whom you truly fell in love with but are also horrible together. You know you are bad for each other, because it’s all so volatile, but that’s also what keeps bringing you back to it. But it’s also like you’ve both become middle aged now, and are kinda like friends with benefits. How long that is going to last, well we’ll find out.

Kamal: Middle aged?

Akshat: Yeah, middle aged.

Kamal: Ok.

Akhil: Same answer as Kamal.

Anything else you want the reader to know?

Kamal: This interview is very long. Don’t hesitate taking a piss break or having a snack in between, do some stretches, a couple of push ups, watch some tele and then come back.

A good music video to watch

youtube

Watch the video of Oppurtunity on youtube.

Where to find your work? Where can people buy you music

Ok Listen, Bandcamp, Spotify and Itunes.

Provide some bands from your country, that would be worthwhile listening.

Space Behind the Yellow Room, Lo! Peninsula, MC Kaur

Anyone you like to thank?

We want to thank ourselves for hanging in there.

Follow HOIRONG here:

Facebook

Twitter

Youtube

#India #Noise Rock

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karmaversuslife · 7 years ago

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Last time I was here I was a completely different person

I am going through a phase. The phase is… complicated, as phases tend to be. To further complicate matters I am not going to tell you what it is. (PRIVATE) It’s not bad… I don’t think. It could be good, if I handle it correctly. It just… is. A phase. A shift. An adjustment. And how do I deal with phases... word vomit.

Sometimes when I am talking to people I ask them “what is your continuous improvement obstacle?” to say, what is the thing you always struggle with. It doesn’t have to be big. Usually it’s mental and it probably shifts and changes and adapts with you as life moves on.

If you asked me when I was 15 what my obstacle was I would have said ‘making friends’. (come to think of it, making friends and being the first to say hello is still a big obstacle for me. Maybe obstacles don’t change as much as I would like to believe. Maybe we just get better at adapting.)

If you asked me when I was 20, “what is your continuous improvement obstacle?” the answer would be ‘letting go’ and by that I mean, finding a reasonable balance between being responsible and taking risks (just eat the cake sort to speak). That one actually hasn’t changed much either*.

In my mid-twenties my life took an enormous left turn and my entire world shifted and everything I KNEW to be facts about living life tumbled out of my pockets like loose change and I was left sitting on my ass with a bruised ego and enormous amounts of scar tissue. Just great! My 25-ish age obstacle was spending too much time waiting for other people to recognize my potential. I needed people to feed my soul. I need somebody else to tell me that I was a good person, or making the right choices, or doing all the right things. I no longer trusted myself to decide these things. After all, my confidence was on the other side of the street and I was in no shape to do any kind of crossing. So – and coincidentally the beginning of all that is karma vs. life – I fled my known world, spent 18 hours flying in the direct opposite direction of my comfort zone and purposefully spent nearly a year by myself (half on purpose, half constricted by obstacle re: 15 years). By the time I came home I was completely independent and ready to take on the world, confidence in tow.

Now, in my 30’s if you ask me what my continuous improvement obstacle is, I would love to tell you it is public speaking, but I think that is just a thing I don’t particularly enjoy.** However, in light of my new phase I realize I still want people to recognize my potential and to appreciate the things I do; maybe just on a lesser scale.

I found myself this morning, in the midst of a particularly enlightened moment, being incredibly proud of myself. I like to think I am a good person. I was thinking about my podcast list and thought ‘I think I have a pretty good taste in all the things’. I have an incredible arrangement of music on my phone and listen to a mix of songs. I read; autobiographies and fiction and non-fiction. I am studious and curious. I am, and do, many things that lead me to believe I am a smart, knowledgeable person (despite my inability to ever spell ‘knowledgeable’ correctly the first time). I am proud of who I am. I am happy with who I am. And up until that very second it had never occurred to me that this is anybody else’s business.

Then, a little thought-bug crept into my brain space. “I wonder if anybody else knows how great I am?”

What the hell? I thought we were over this obstacle? What the heck is that noise? Where did you come from and why didn’t the trap at the door stop you pesky thought-roach*** from ruining my perfectly good thought.

The thought was there, it was too late. It isn’t that I want to toot my horn or stand on the rooftops and shout about how awesome I am. It’s something different. I think it is something that many of us are faced with in our daily lives. We are different people in different situations. So are we actually being real, for real though? Is that even a thing? My boss calls it ‘putting on the armor’. We are all different people in different situations and that doesn’t make us any less of who we truly are; it’s just a... necessary ... thing (word vomit fail.)

For me, at work professionalism and privacy are very important pieces of my job. In my position, I don’t get to make friends with my coworkers. When I tell them about my day I tell them that my new puppy chewed up my husband’s sandals or that I am trying to reduce my caffeine intake so beware (haha half kidding… but really… be careful.) These are the types of things my coworkers know about me.

I am also not very close with my family. Don’t get me wrong my family is wonderful and I am close with them in that I call them mostly once a week and see them every holiday. But we are a very large family and I was significantly distant from them during many formidable years. And so, our relationships are relatively surface level. We celebrate in each other’s successes and we comfort/support each other during difficult times but ultimately, if you ask them anything about ME and my likes/dislikes, I am not confident they would know what to say and/or if it would be correct.

My husband is my biggest fan and my support system. Does he know that I blog, sure! Does he know I haven’t written a blog-post in over a year or that I have hardly written at all or even what I write about, probably not. Does he know that I use too many words and feelings, and he gets lost, when I am trying to talk to him about something important? Absolutely! (his opinion, not mine) Does he know that I spent hours sorting through and compartmentalizing my thoughts and feelings before I brought only the valid and important ones forward? Probably not. Does he know that my playlist contains everything from System of a Down to the Chicago Symphony Orchestra and everything in between; including a great little fiddle number from Lindsey Stirling (that I highly recommend); probably not (actually he does… we’ve taken road trips). Does he know I even know what a podcast is or that I am a huge fan of both “S-Town” and “Chris Hardwick” or that I have a downloaded audible book called “The sex Lives of Cannibals” which makes me laugh and a book called “Every Note Played” by Lisa Genova that I know will make me cry; AND that I downloaded that one for the purpose of crying entirely on purpose; probably not.

And so, for a moment I allowed myself to be sad. The people I spend all my time with don’t know much about me at all. I worried that they don’t, actually, know how awesome I am at all.

But here’s the kicker.

Do I really need them to?

Did I do these things because I think that people will like me because of them?

Do I listen to “The School of Greatness” by Lewis Howes (ahem.. do it) because I think people will think I am cool when I do?

Do I have Carly Rae Jepsen on my playlist because it makes me popular and cool (I mean, yes … but actually, absolutely not).

Do I LOVE “The Night Circus” because I think it will come up in conversation and I want to know what I am talking about.

No.

I do these things because they make up all the little pieces of who I am. They are my fiber and foundation and they feed my soul. These are the things I do, the things that build who I am. These things (which as I write these out, am realizing are all word and art related things which is very much in the fiber of who I am… too many words or not.) teach me and allow me to be the - probably awesome - person that people do get to meet.

All of these things, the music, the reading, the podcasts, feed my creativity fire and inspire my ability to be the “great ideas fairy” I am known as at work.

The exposure to a thousand different things teach me to be open to liking different things and the exposure teaches me to understand others in a way that allows them to be who they are without fear of judgement. And to look at thoughts and actions from different perspectives.

The information I digest helps me, in turn, provide information to others and teaches me to do my research before forming an opinion.

There are so many ways people would describe me: (I know because I did a study once).

- Kind

- Thoughtful

- Patient

- Supportive

- Fun

- Creative

I think these are wonderful ways to be described. So, yes I think people DO know how awesome I am. (toot toot!)

Does it actually matter to me that people know I am kind because I listed to Kristen Bell talk about Happiness vs. Suffering in a podcast? Or that I am an avid believer in Karma so even when I am seething on the inside and have numerous characteristically horrible things I want to shout, I turn on Florence and the Machine OR Rage Against the Machine (depending on which level of angry I am), take a deep breath and fall on the lessons of Thumper to “not say anything at all” because what I was going to say was decidedly NOT nice.

Or is it actually important to me that people know I write (ahem…vomit words with no particular plan) when I am trying to sort out my thoughts and at the end of my blog post come to realize that my continuous improvement obstacle is, in all actuality, no longer an obstacle at all.

Nope.

*Fun fact: I married the most responsible, financially conservative human on the planet. Which, inadvertently, seems to have cured me of my obstacle to balance frivolity and responsibility as I am now the person who says “Oh come on! Let’s do the expensive thing!” and it is probably because he does the worrying for me. Otherwise, it would still be an obstacle.

** I am not entirely sure this is true. The ACT of standing in front of a group of people and speaking is horrifying and sweat inducing. The opportunity to use public speaking as a creative outlet, to speak what is written in my own voice, is pretty damn inspiring.

*** OMG! CAN WE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE start calling harmful, hurtful and negative thoughts “thought-roaches”!

#word vomit #personal #holy crap I'm back #thoughtroach #did you miss me #continuous improvement #learn and grow #inspirational #cleaning thoughts

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biwindblade · 7 years ago

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i was tagged by @bevioletskies so thank youuuuu

nickname(s): bella, bells, bell, bella jane gender: female sign: scorpio height: around 5’2-3ish (i’m 160cm) time: 1:15 PM fave band(s): coldplay, the neighbourhood, fleetwood mac, majid jordan (they’re a duo but still), years & years, dnce fave solo artist(s): drake, sza, khalid, bipolar sunshine, kimbra, miguel, alunageorge, rihanna, fyfe, lorde, carly rae jepsen, tyler the creator song stuck in my head: afterthought - disclosure “every time i’m alone - i’m reliving the moment - does it enter your mind - have i already blown it?” last movie i saw: spiderman: homecoming, i watched it on tuesday afternoon because i was feeling a bit sad so i wanted to cheer myself up last show i watched: brooklyn nine nine, i’m catching up on the newest episode when did i create my blog: september 2015, i think???? what do i post: a lot of things, but it’s pretty marvel-orientated at the moment BECAUSE IT’S TWENTY DAYS UNTIL INFINITY WAR (for me, at least), but usually marvel, pixar, star wars, brooklyn nine nine. last thing i googled: redbubble, because i want to get a new phone case but i don’t really have the money at the moment so i’m looking at designs do i have any other blogs: yes! my old blog which i kind of abandoned which is @gcmoras do i get asks: not a lot, but when i do i love them, sometimes i don’t answer them though because i forget they’re there! but, if y’all wanna send some through feel free, starmora requests would be noice why did i choose my url: it’s a reference to civil war where tony calls peter ‘underoos’, i saved it the day the trailer dropped, which would make it over two years old now oh my gosh following: 1381, WHAT followed by: almost 683, it skyrocketed a bit last year because of guardians, so hello fellow guardians fans!!!! average hours of sleep: eight or nine????? lucky number: 4 instruments: i am hopeless at all instruments apart from my voice rip what i am wearing: my school uniform disgustinggggg dream job: a film director, but it would also be really cool to be a screenwriter, i’m working on my own story to develop into a film at the moment!!! dream trip: disneyland in california or new york (also space) fave food: this is so hard because i have so many but i’m gonna say chocolate milk tea with tapoica pearls and, chicken tacos (i make really good guac) nationality: chilean-australian (i’m a biracial baby) fave song: at the moment it’s borders by fyfe last book i read: i haven’t read a book in forever but i think it was away by michael gow which i attempted to read because we had to read it for english top 3 fictional universes i wanna join: marvel (even though it would genuinely be frightening to live with superheroes), brooklyn nine nine and teenage mutant ninja turtles

i tag @kill-mon-ger, @interabangs, @kaijunewton, @phil-the-stone and literally anyone else who wants to take the time to do this ☆

#about me #bella tries to be social #answered

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plathway · 7 years ago

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End of December so that means it’s BEST OF/END OF/WORST OF List time! As evidenced by the blog title I’m just going to be doing a summary (not in ranking order) of my favourite memories from 2017. I won’t even bother with a “Worst Of” because we all know about the terrible things that happened this year, things that we will still be dealing with long past 2018.

I personally am a huge fan of New Year’s Eve. Yes practically resolutions are never fulfilled and everything is extra expensive but I love the hopefulness that usually permeates around this time of year. The new year looks so shiny and new and there really is something seductive about (hopefully) becoming a new or better person.

The last day of 2017 is a chiller. I was out taking a walk at around 4:30 and the air was so crisp and sharp but the light was so soft. It made me think about the year ahead, all shiny and new; hard and cold as yet untouched with familiar warmth. Daylight seemed to try it’s hardest to cling to the very end. The sky was all pale blues and soft rosy pinks. It made me the streetlight glow feel so golden yellow and the moon is full and such a pure perfect white, it looks like a pearl in the sky.

I hope I become a better person than I was in 2017. I hope that I will have a lot of fun memories as I did in 2017. And now, in no particular order, my favourite 2017 memories.

Art Shows: Mystical Landscapes, Blue Whale @ ROM and Georgia O’Keeffe @ AGO

I got to see some really cool gallery exhibits this year thanks to Helen. Mystical Landscapes was nice, got to see some of the classic Monet’s and Van Gogh’s. My favourite ones that I saw was the Blue Whale during one of the ROM’s Friday Night Lives and and the Georgia O’Keeffe at AGO’s First Thursdays.

The Blue Whale was really cool; whales are gigantic and everyone knows that but seeing it was really awe inspiring. I think it’s heart is like the size of a Fiat lol. I really really loved the Georgia O’Keefe exhibit. It was quite big and some of my favourite pieces were: – Lake George Reflection – Flower Abstraction 1924 – Abstraction White Rose – Horse’s Skull with Pink Rose – Farmhouse Window and Door (this one is really cool to see in person because it looks 3D or layered paper but it’s just paint.) – Mule’s Skull with Pink Poinsettias – From the Faraway, Nearby – Rust Red Hills – Red Hills and Bones – Red and Yellow Cliffs – Wall with Green Door 1953 – My Front Yard, Summer

I wish that you could see what I see out the windows – the earth pink and yellow cliffs to the north – the full pale moon about to go down in an early evening lavender sky behind a very long beautiful tree-covered mesa to the west- pink and purple hills in front an the scrubby fine dull of cedars- and a feeling of much space- it is a very beautiful world. Georgia O’Keeffe

Lol my celebrity encounter of the year happened when I was at the O’Keeffe show, I saw Camila Mendes from Riverdale walk by. I was honestly star struck. She walked by and I literally stood there gaping and then had a moment of panic because I wanted to chase after her but I also had to find Helen who had gone up ahead. I finally found her and then we spent the rest of the night running around the AGO looking for her but she had went back to her hotel to live tweet Riverdale lol.

Women’s March

The Women’s March was the first protest that I’ve ever been to. My mom thought it was dumb of me for going because, “what is it really going to do?” which is a sentiment held by a lot of people.

I went with Rebekah and it was a really fun experience. The turn out was much greater than I expected, not just in Toronto but all around the world. It felt nice being part of that crowd all with a similar goal.

Brunch Club

Brunch times with my Y&E girls and seeing baby Celeste! Lol it’s nice seeing Mei’s 1st OG team and Celeste who is the cutest baby in the entire world.

Dangerous Dan’s

All the times Rebekah, Precillia and I would go to Dangerous Dan’s. We’d always get the same thing, a coffee shake for me and an uber Amy grilled cheese, with fries or onion rings on the side. Precillia would always get the gyros with a side of pierogies and Rebekah would get a grilled cheese and the owner would always tease her for being a vegetarian. And the very best, we’d get a cookie cow pie to share.

Unfortunately it closed due to the increasing gentrification, but the memories of going there starving with Precillia and Rebekah, hearing the rest of the staff yell at Heather (or Helen? I don’t remember) just laughing and eating the most delicious food was truly some of the best times.

My first time at a vape lounge

The day of the TRL sale, (Rebekah and I made out like a bandit, the books were like FIFTY CENTS!!!!) Rebekah took Precillia and I to a vape lounge for the first time. I don’t know if it was what she rolled or if it’s because other people were smoking but I have never gotten that high in my life.

We were discussing middle school crushes and it was my turn, I stopped right in the middle of my story and I felt like it was so hard for me to speak and I could not stop laughing, my voice got so high it was practically a squeak.

Birthday Party @ BATL

This year for my birthday we went axe throwing and also shot bows and arrows. I don’t know what was my favourite part… seeing old friends and catching up, when they gave us photos of Trump to put in the bullseye…

Actually, the highlight was when we played the most intense game of gigantic Jenga of my life.

Escape Rooms

This year we really got into escape rooms. Two of the ones we did were super scary and one of them we beat! The first one we did we were all locked in individual stalls and had to work our way out of them, the second one was a diamond heist so I got to live out my dream of being an actual cat burglar.

By far the scariest one we did was for Precillia’s birthday. The theme of the house is that we broke into a haunted house but it really turned out to be a murder house. And we had to break through a series of clues to try to escape. I am a big fucking baby so I was useless and spent the whole time screaming. As far as escape rooms went it was really atmospheric. It gave us a lot of fun puzzles to solve that were really hard. And we got to move around the small room by climbing through a hidden cabinet, running up and down the stairs, pulling things out of grates etc. The hardest part was the actual physical component. We had to make it across this set of monkey bars, I went first and fell into the foam–Rebekah was the only one to make it across. Unfortunately we ran out of time but we made it nearly to the end. Rebekah was the Judas and would have sacrificed us all if we had the time.

All the visits to Doc

Whether I was freezing in the winter, or getting a sun burn during the summer or any of the visits by myself… hanging out at Doc was always a fun time. Riverdale park is gorgeous. My favourite thing is to go there listening to opera and reading.

Summer in Port Dover

This summer Precillia told us about Port Dover which is one of the few beaches in Ontario that has palm trees. There are only three of them but a guy wanted them here so badly he planted them and they stand there lol. Port Dover is truly one of the best beaches I’ve been to in Ontario. I wish we were near ocean water but the water in Port Dover is pretty nice for lake water. We’ve only been three times but each time was amazing. I think my favourite was the second time when Precillia, Rebekah and Ayan went. I think it was after a storm or a storm was coming but we stayed out in the water as the sky turned clear to grey to all these different shades of blue. We saw a rainbow and that day Rebekah and Precillia found twenty dollars in the water and we also got a football from these guys that were chilling near us. Sitting in Precillia’s car, loose limbed and sun kissed eating salty messy Subway sandwiches before Precillia sped us off into the night that was so blue it felt like we were being wrapped up in it, it was so thick. Every time I hear “Sex on Fire” I can feel Precillia’s car flying down the road and the blue of the night blocking out the sound of the world as that “YeahhhHhHhHhHhHHHHhhh” fills my ears.

Bruce Peninsula

So, we did everything right starting off the trip lol. We set out really early, got all of our snacks and drove all the way up there… only to stand in the woods for a bit. The Bruce Peninsula has grown so much in popularity, especially because of the Canada Park’s Pass that there were only a few slots during the day that we could go and all of those were filled up. In the end we ended up going to Port Dover.

Kudos to Precillia for the drive because it was long AF. We eventually got so hungry we were looking for the nearest place to eat and I think we drove to an A&W in some small town. It was full of old white people but it was easily the cleanest and nicest looking A&W we’d ever been in lol.

Rebekah had an edible that she split with me and it really gave me a new appreciation for Ontario. I truly live in a beautiful province, there were so many gorgeous fields and fields of flowers and farm stands and we saw Mennonites just trundling along beside us in their horse and buggy.

Carly Rae Jepsen @ TSO

For Canada’s 150th birthday, actual Canadian treasure Carly Rae Jepsen played her greatest hits accompanied by the Toronto Symphony Orchestra. I went with Precillia and it was truly a magical night. Everyone was dancing and singing along, it was just a fun night with great pop music full of love.

Janet and Petr visiting

Janet is officially back in Canada with her husband Petr!!!! They came up to visit me for a week and I was ecstatic because I had my foodie buddy back. We ate at some of my favourite restaurants in Toronto such as Descendant for Detroit style pizza, Maha’s for Egyptian food, Hot Star fried chicken, Patois, FuZen, Tsujiri and some of my Kensington Market favourites as well.

Friendsgiving2k17

The second annual Friendsgiving was even more lit than the first if you can believe it! We got a beautiful house with a sauna and stuff this time because I got a credit from AirBnB because they cancelled my original reservation. I have like 5 memories from that night because I decided to compete with Tsering but I cherish all 5 of them. I know we did White Elephant, we had a lovely family dinner, I think Beer Pong was played and we played Monopoly for a few rounds and then Precillia and I murdered a unicorn cake.

Expectations are HIGH for #Friendsgiving2k18 but know that Precillia, Rebekah, Ayan and I are going to pull it off.

Anyways, those are some of my favourite memories of 2017! I know I had many more and I’m excited for what 2018 has to offer. I hope it’s nothing but good things for all of us.

Happy New Year’s Eve!

xoxo Cat

Today's featured image is by Pedro Miranda Filho

lmaoooo down to the wire here is my last 2017 post!!! End of December so that means it's BEST OF/END OF/WORST OF List time! As evidenced by the blog title I'm just going to be doing a summary (not in ranking order) of my favourite memories from 2017.

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