#i am SO. FUCKING. HAPPY. BROOOOOOOO

[what-the-daredevil]

oh so matt and jen are like…actually together now

cool. awesome. great. i can be normal about this (lie)

[mysteriaqueen]

genshin spoilers under the cut (clorinde's story quest)

i am screaming i am screaming i am screaming i am screaming

WHY DID I WAIT SO LONG TO DO CLORINDES STORY QUEST??? THIS IS FUCKING DELIGHTFUL OH MY GOD IM IN LOVE

i love the little dating sim/vn ass text boxes with the little arts and omg i choose culinary traveller and i love her sm and

OMG LUMINE IS TALKING???? SHE'S TALKING???? OUT LOUD???ASKJDHFALSJDHFAKLSJDHFAKLSJDHFALSKDF

ohfasdjkfhasdfh and paimon's art is so fucking cuuuuute i love her sm

asdkjfaksjdfhkj and furina broooooooo you got this girl i believe in you. and navia encouraging her too in character like girl yessssss. this is how ttrpgs should be.

as someone who had a.... mid first experience playing DnD this is really making me so happy

bro and lyney too with his "less than legal tricks" like bro omg you're adorable. and i love the lil thingy he has over his eye bro

LOOK AT HERRRRRRRRRRRR

LOOK AT HER SHE'S SO PRETTY AND LOVELY AND SHE'S SO EVERYTHING GOD I LOVE HER SO MUCH

[breadstickwastaken]

SIMP UPDATEEEEEE:

SO today i told cute boi that i like himmmmmmmm. ajskdjlhASKJDLHaskjdhasd

and like bruhhhhhhhh h h i like told him and then he like , , , put his hands on my cheeks and was just like "can i kiss you?" and like fuck yeah "yesplease" and o my god i am so happy and pleased... broo this happened like four hours ago and i still cant process this o my god .. .

IM ALLOWED TO KISS THIS MAN WHENEVER I WANT NOW

aAHHHHHHHH

hes so sweet??? and such a simp o m y god,,,,,,,,

mans has been taking pictures of me at dinner when we get food apparently and its the sweetest thing ive ever ASKJdhkajHS

and he has like a list of places we can go to dinner that he got by asking his friends what places are good?? and like this was BEFORE i asked him so he rlly just like fully expected this to be like a weekly thing aaaAAAAHhhh broooooooo oo o o

and like like when he had to get off at his stop on the train i thought like we would just hug yknow like usual but he aaah he kissed me and then my forehead and ajkdhkajhskdf im going feral . . , , ,akdj;LASJD

hes so sweet

hes my boyfriend now :DDDD bruhhhh

[leafeonb]

oh. i forgot this theme was playing

[a-non-ymouswriter]

NON! BROOOOOOOO! I’m so freaking happy!! That chapter was so much fun! I’m so invested in the worldbuilding of SLL and you just handed me a silver platter full of it i fucking love this fic. People are starting to realize there’s something off with Karl and that’s going to be an interesting conversation when he comes back if he gets there in time that is

I am very scared about the implications of the ending and the author’s note but also extremely excited to see where you’re going with this cause it could be a completely different direction than what im thinking.

And omg i can’t believe you included the stan accounts fjdkfhrbdj. AND PONK I CANT—

LOOK OWLWINTER IS AMAZING AND I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF OKAY

the stan accounts will be amazing to confront in the future XD i legitimately cannot wait for those accounts to be addressed and talked about in further notice, it's pure comedic content

and awkward semi-angsty content actually bc sam? sam is uh... would be flattered but he's not exactly proud of his actions yeah

heuheuhehueue the plot is progressing! i hope you're ready because none of the characters are :)

[aka-a-shii]

Double Surprise || Kuroo T.

Kuroo x F!Reader

genre: fluff; crack

warnings: light swearing

a/n: HAPPY BIRTHDAY KUROO!!!!!

Kuroo was so ecstatic when you broke the news to him during your 2nd trimester. he can’t definitely utter a word just as how surprised and happy he was and all he could do was hug you tight and peppered your face with butterfly kisses.

he was so surprised that he thought of an idea. why not surprise everybody close to the both of you as well? and that led you to what situation you are now, in front of both of your families.

no one really knew except you and Kuroo that you were having twins until you gave birth. which totally surprised both of your families. they were so shocked when they entered your hospital room seeing you with both babies in your arms. your mom bursts out of tears when she saw her grandsons while your dad just patted Kuroo’s back giving him a knowing “you-did-a-great-job” look, proud of his son-in-law. Kuroo’s older sister’s reaction was way more predictable than you thought, she just whacked Kuroo’s head for keeping it a secret from her and you couldn’t stop laughing at them.

the next victims of his were his closest friends. Kenma almost dropped the baby when Kuroo introduced the other twin and he gave him a scowling look like he was so betrayed by his friend.

“what the hell? you almost dropped my son!” Kuroo exclaimed.

“fuck you! you almost gave me a heart attack!” Kenma retorted as he handed you the other baby. “do the others know???” he asked.

“not yet” you replied. “Tetsu is planning to drop the bomb when we get home this weekend. everyone’s gonna be there... so...” you giggled. “i can’t wait to see their reactions.”

the next were Akaashi and Tsukishima. the moment they entered the room, both of their jaws dropped in unison.

“twins?” Akaashi asked as he looked over Kuroo who was grinning from ear to ear.

“yep! surprised aren’t yah?” Kuroo then took one of the twins from you and cradled him in his arms.

“oh! you brought Naoki with you?” you asked Tsukki as your gaze landed on the baby carrier in front of him. the baby boy was sleeping peacefully against Tsukishima’s chest while sucking his tiny thumb.

“yeah... my wife is at work and i’m on my day off today so i brought him. also to meet his future playmate.” he paused. “but i didn’t expect that he’ll be meeting two instead.”

you let out a laugh as the two visitors took seats on the couch.

“how’s your wife doing?” you turned to Akaashi. “i heard she was having a hard time because of pregnancy.” your face was laced with concern

“she’s alright.” Akaashi smiled. “but i guess her morning sickness is kinda inevitable. i might request my boss to allow me to work from home so i could be there for her.”

“that’s excellent! you’ll also have more time with her and your soon-to-be-born child” Kuroo butted in.

Akaashi turned to him, “so? does Bokuto-san knows about this?”

Kuroo flashed his chesire grin and he shook his head. “nope! he’s on a honeymoon right now. and not a word to him. got that Akaashi?” he gave Akaashi a stern look

Tsukishima scoffed. “i could already imagine his face the moment you drop him the news.”

Kuroo just laughed it out. “imma try video calling him this weekend and we’ll see. oh be there too, okay?”

Later that weekend, your house was bustling with people, a few friends were there to congratulate the both of you. the whole Nekoma team was also there.

Kuroo was definitely a prankster to the core and you knew it by heart, so you had expected that he would pull such prank to his former teammates. they were all gathered in the living room as Kuroo put his prank into action and suggested to take a group photo. you volunteered to take their photo. Kuroo took a seat at the center of the couch as he hold one of the twins.

“okay! ready! 1. 2. 3.”

click

Kuroo then handed his son to Yaku, who was beside him as he secretly made his way to get the other twin from the nursery. you were trying so hard not to laugh as you imagined the team’s reactions. they were busy ogling over the baby when Kuroo came back with the other.

“now that we had took a photo with Toshiaki, why don’t we take a photo with his twin, Yoshiaki?” Kuroo announced as he placed the other twin into Yamamoto’s arms.

everybody’s eyes went wide as they gasped in surprise. and Kuroo can’t help but laugh at his teammates’ reactions. you were laughing yourself while recording them.

“you dumbass!” Yaku sneered.

“KUROO-SAN??????!!!!!! Y/N-SAN?????!!!!! YOU HAD TWINS???????!!!!!” Lev couldn’t believe it himself.

Yamamoto was still dumbfounded as he look back and forth to Toshiaki and Yoshiaki who was in his arms.

Kai just smiled at the both of you and Kenma was at the corner cackling. “now i am not the only one.” he said as he wiped the tears from laughing.

Later that evening, you video called Bokuto . “HAAAAAAAAAAAA????? KUROO!!!! BROOOOOOOO WHY DID YOU DO THIS????????? HMP!!!!!!” Bokuto was all pouty when Kuroo showed your sons to him.

“AND I WAS THE LAST ONE TO KNOW ABOUT THIS???????? WAIT I WAS REALLY THE LAST ONE?????? AKAASHI DIDN’T SAY A WORD TOO!!!!!!” he was rambling about how unfait Kuroo was for not telling him sooner.

“Tetsu told Akaashi not to say a word to you, so we won’t spoil the surprise. were you surprised. Bo?” you giggled.

“OF COURSE!!!! DAMN MAYBE WE SHOULD MAKE TWINS TOO! “Bokuto turned to his wife beside him

his wife just smacked his head and apologized to you but you didn’t mind at all.

“KUROO!! YOU HAVEN’T WON YET!”

“oya? are you challenging me?” Kuroo smirked. “then get on with it.”

“I AM.” Bokuto stood up from the screen, annoyed, stomping towards the bedroom grumbling profanities as he told his wife to shut the lap top off.

the three of you laughed at it as his wife apologized for her husband’s antics as she bid you goodbye and ended the call.

you were standing by the crib, watching your little angels sleep peacefully, you can’t help but plant soft kisses onto each of their forehead, when you felt your husband’s arms wrapped around your waist. he rested his chin onto your shoulder as you gently caressed the back of his head.

“they totally got their looks from you, Tetsu” Kuroo just hummed in response and tighten his hold onto you.

“did we really made them?” you asked while you stared lovingly at your sons.

“hell yeah we did.”

Taglist: @whootwhoot @tsvvkki @mirikusashes @justapotterhead @curiouslilbeast @saku-kun @chesley-cant-deal @clara-geekhime @michelepiekenma @raineedayze @kellesvt @lollypop-lam @kyomihann @doodleniella @akasuns

[sexy-bee-juice]

“I love[d] you”

Pairing: Tsukishima x reader

Warnings: angst, mentions of cheating, light mentions of smut??(i am so sorry if its bad but i’ve never written it so-), fighting [karasuno throwin hands-]

Summary: Tsukki cheats on reader, and the team finds out after you break down.

https://youtu.be/50VNCymT-Cs

heres a song to make it worse. Im sorry.

*

“Kei?”

“Hmm?” He said, looking up from his book.

You were both in bed, cuddling, you looking through your phone, with your boyfriend of only one year beside you. Sure, it’s only been a year, but you’ve been crushing on him since middle school. Feelings ran deep.

You smiled at him.

“I love you.” He stared at you for only a moment, then looked away blushing.

“I love you too.” Then he reached over and kissed you lightly on the forehead. “To the moon and back.”

*

It had been nearly four months since you had first said those words to Kei, and you were still head over heels for him.

You were the manager for the Karasuno Volleyball Club, and a third year. You were only making your way to the gym where they were practicing, skipping along, happy because the older third years were coming back to see the team.

Kageyama and Hinata were going to be ecstatic, especially Hinata. Suga, Azumane, and Sawamura were already on their way. Then your phone beeped with a message from Kei.

*

can’t make it to practice today, head hurts tell evryone else

*

You frowned. When you had left his house earlier he seemed fine... Oh well. Later you just needed to make him some of that tea you had at your house that your mother always made for you when you had a headache.

*

alrightyyyyy. see you after practice. i’ll tell the alums u cant make it bby! hope you feel better soon! :)

*

No reply. You brushed it off, as he usually did this to you. Plus his head hurt as well.

You checked the time, and jumped as you saw you were still ten minutes away from the gym, and you were supposed to be there fifteen minutes before everyone else. AHHHHHHH. Gotta rush, gotta rush, gotta rushhhhh. You thought as you ran as fast as you could to where practice was gonna be.

When you finally reached the school, you saw that Shoyo and Tobio were already there, with Shoyo bouncing around, singing whatever song he came up with, probably mere minutes before, and Tobio aggressively yelling at him, trying to pull him down.

“Hey guys! Stop that sorry Im late lets get inside and you two can start warming up before everyone else gets here oh my god I need water-” You said, out of breath and gasping, dripping in sweat.

Shoyo smiled and offered you his hand to the place where you had fallen on the ground.

“Hey! No worries y/n-Chan! I have some water for you here! Well, it was supposed to be for me, but you can have cuz I don't need it and I’m sure I can get someone else to share with me!” You smiled up gratefully at Shoyo, and took his extended hand, pulling yourself up.

An instant sense of cool relief flowed over you as you swallowed down the chilling water. God, you couldn’t have asked to be the manager for a better team.

Soon, the rest of the team began to minnow in, laughing and talking, carefree as usual, until (as expected) Shoyo nearly jumped on Tobio after giving the loudest screech ever.

“Jeez, what happened? GET OFF ME YOU RUNT! SCRUB! IDIOT! I SWEAR I’LL-” The words died in his throat as he saw who has just entered the gym.

“AH! SUGA-SAN! AZUMANE-SENPAI! CAPTAIN! NOYA-SANNNNNN! TANAKA-SENPAI!!!!” You smiled, looking back to the alums of Karasuno.

“AHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA SHOYOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Bellowed Noya as he jumped over to Shoyo, Tanaka at his heels.

“BROOOOOOOO WE MISSED YOU!” said Tanaka, tackling both Tobio and Shoyo in a hug, lifting them both off the floor.

“HEY GERROF!” said Tobio, muffled by his jacket.

You walked up to the older alums, smiling greetings and welcomes.

“So? How’s things with you all?” You asked.

“Ehhh, same old, same old. How you managing...as...manager-? I- wait-” stutters Azumane.

“No, no, its fine. These two still fight and bicker but they’re easy to manage nowadays.”

“oh? Jeez, y/n-Chan, you have it easy.” Said Suga. “When I was still here as a third-year, it was definitely harder to manage them, and the rest of the team...”

You smiled, happy to see them, and continued watching the four freaks reunite.

“I miss my children...” You heard Suga murmur, barely discernable from the now probably-not-human-noises the four were making. Daichi and Azumane were trying their best not to burst out laughing behind Suga, who was wistfully staring at his “children”.

You were pulled out of your thoughts when Daichi-san asked you the one thing you forgot to tell them.

“So...where’s Tsukishima?” He asked, looking around as if your boyfriend were hiding. As if he would do something so childish.

“oh! Yeah, I forgot to tell you all. He said to tell you all. He said he had to skip today because his head was hurting.”

“Ah, yes. The head pain. An unfortunate enemy.” said Tanaka-san, looking up from the place he was wrestling with the team. You giggled.

“Well, when Kiyoko-senpai arrives i think i might leave for a bit to take care of Kei, then i’ll come back, just letting you guys know, so don’t-”

“SHIMIZU-SENPAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII” You heard Noya and Tanaka yell simultaneously.

“And that’s my cue-” You said swiveling to the door, and sprinting back to the Tsukishima residence.

As the door was always open for you, you didn’t even bother knocking, but entered right away. Nobody seemed to be home either.

As you silently made your way to your boyfriends room, you saw that you were pretty much already a significant part of their lives. They had pictures of you with them all, framed. Sticky notes with reminders for you on the fridge. You even had a spot at the table with them, for the nights you stayed for dinner.

Truly, this was your home.

https://youtu.be/Mhj15W23IjA        [more pain, you masochist’s]

You smiled softly as you made your way to his bedroom, humming along the way, so any other sound went unnoticed by you.

As you reached his door, you smiled at the little dino sticker he had stuck there at the beginning of your relationship. It was worn, but it still stuck there, serving as a reminder.

“It’s so you don’t get lost when you need to find me in the house. It shouldn’t be hard, but knowing you, you can go out for milk then buy a swimming pool.” You smiled as he smacked it on, and he turned the knob to his door, permitting you to enter.

You turned the knob.

“Tsukki? I know I should have come earlier or something but could you help me with-”

“Idiot. Just get in here. I couldn’t care less anyways, what? Can’t solve a simple question?”

“Tsukiiiiiiii, stop being so meaaaannnn.” he smirked at you.

“Don’t call me that.” you blinked up at him.

“uhhhh...call you what?”

“Tsukki. Don’t call me that.”

“oh. um. ok then.”

“call me Kei.”

you smiled up at him, tears swimming in your eyes.

You cracked open the door.

“Y/n?” He opened the door to his room, the dinosaur sticker still on it, only a couple months old.

“Yuppers.” he tilted your face up to him with his thumb and forefinger. “I-oh.”

Then he leaned down and kissed you ever so softly on your lips, eyes fluttering shut.

“I want you to stay with me forever...” He whispered.

“I will.” He smiled.

“Then I will too”

And you opened the door, smiling to yourself due to all the memories you made in this very spot.

Then your eyes widened.

no.

no.

NO.

NO...

It can’t be real...

Kei would never.

but he.... he did.

And he didn’t even notice you open the door, he didn’t even see you or hear the gasp you let out as you took in what you saw. He only looked up from the girl he was fucking in front of him, sweaty and panting, bites and scratches over his back and on his neck, when you slammed the door.

No tears ran down your face, like most people. You just ran back to the gym, not even really getting tired just...numb.

he promised. He promised to be yours forever.

but he must have crossed his fingers. done something stupid. because he lied. he wasn’t ever soley yours. he wasn’t, he couldn’t be.

But still. You couldn’t cry.

1) You don’t cry. You never cried.

2)You couldn’t let anyone see you weren’t ok.

Fake it ‘till you make it.

“WAIT. Y/N! WAIT, WAIT WAIT, DON’T GO!” But why would you listen?

Everything went by in a blur. you were minutes away from the gym.

Minutes away from safety.

Then you could hide behind a mask and never let anyone see.

“Oh, hey y/n-Chan! That was kinda quick.” Said Daichi. You inhaled, pushing everything away.

You giggled.

“Uh, yeah. Kei had his mom there so I left it up to her, plus he told me to get back to practice.” He smiled.

“Glad to hear he’s doing alright.” You smiled back.

“Yeah. Anyways. Anything happen while I was gone?” He shook his hed.

“Just the usual. Noya and Tanaka with the freak twins are in a two-on-two, trying to kill each other, and Suga and Asahi are kinda trying to stop the death part.”

“Ah. I see. The norm then.”

“Y/n!” You froze.

NO. nononono not now.

Why would he do this if he never really cared?

“Oh, hey look! Its Tsukishima!” Said Daichi, a smile still on his face.

But rather than running towards him, like you usually would, you ran away. Right into the gym, and...

Right into Suga’s arms.

“Hey, slow down a bit or you might be worse than Noya and knock me over!” He smiled at you. But he was just too intuitive for his own good, damn it, and his smile fell immediately.

“Is something the matter?” You composed your expression, smacking a smile back onto your face, and as you opened your mouth to say all was fine, you were cut off.

“Y/n! no no no I can explain!” You looked at Suga. Fear in your eyes. Did he figure it out? But you didn’t want to look at Kei right now. You couldn’t.

“y/n? What happened?” You looked back up at him.

“...Nothing. I’m fine.”

“No! Y/n! You don’t understand! I love you! And only you!”

Oh, he shouldn’t have said that.

Because that’s what broke you.

And soon you had squirmed out from Suga’s grasp and fallen onto the floor, sobbing. You never cried. But if you didn’t just this once, you might have exploded.

“Y/n?! What-?”

Then suddenly the whole team was surrounding. You, some of them kneeeling down to your height.

“...y/n? W-what happened?” Asked Yamaguchi. You looked up at him, tears still streaking down your face.

“I-It was...I don’t-”

“Y/n! Y/n, please listen! Please, please, please I’m begging you!” Called Kei as he finally reached the doors to the gym, panting and gasping.

“Why would I listen to you? H-How am I supposed to believe anything you say anymore?”

At this, he reeled back, your words finally hitting him.

But before anyone moved, Daichi looked between both of you, and crouched down beside you. And so softly, he whispered:

“Did he...Please don’t tell me he did...? He cheated...?” You nodded and started to sob harder, and soon you were wrapped up in his embrace, while he petted the back of your head, whispering consoltations into your ear.

Unfortunately for Kei, the whole team heard.

“He did what to you?” Asked Noya, staring right at you, a stone cold expression on his face.

“He cheated on her.” Said Daichi, looking between you and Tsukki. “Tsukishima cheated on y/n.”

“And in the next moment, before anyone could react, Suga was standing right in front of Tsukki, glaring at him with the most terrifying expression on his face anyone has ever seen.

“You did what?”

“I- I c-cheat-” But before Tsukki could finish sentence, Suga had punched him right in the face.

“HOW COULD YOU?!?! WHY WOULD YOU EVER DO THAT TO ANYONE?!?” He screamed, tears now streaming down his face. “SHE LOVED YOU WITH ALL HER HEART AND LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO HER!” He pointed to you and Daichi.

“I-I didn’t m-mean to-” Stuttered Tsukki, eyes blown wide in fear, tears prickling in the corner, so close to spilling over.

“I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU! LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO HER! LOOK WHAT YOU DID!” It looked like he was ready to land another punch across his face before Noya and Tanaka were there holding him back, and began to bring him back to where you were, still screaming at Tsukishima, tears likewise streaming down his face.

“Hold her.” Ordered Daichi, looking at Suga, who nodded and cradled you, still shaking.

“Hey, hey, calm down, I’m here, i’m here...”

This time Noya and Hinata were standing right in front of the boy who so towered over them.

“I don’t want you to come near her for a while. I don’t want to look at you anymore.” Said Noya, serious as ever. Tsukishima nodded.

As he looked to Hinata, he realized that tears were pricking the corners of his eyes, and he looked mad. Really mad. Then suddenly, he was on the ground, a sharp pain in his back.

Hinata had pushed him. He looked down at him, and shook his head, as if saying no.

But he didn’t say anything, and just walked away.

But, why? Why didn’t he yell? Why didn’t he scream? Why was he so... SO DAMN QUIET?!

Before Noya could do anything, as he was expected to do, Tanaka was there, herding them both away, and completely ignoring Tsukishima. Whatever they were doing, it made it worse.

Azumane couldn’t even go near Tsukishima.

Not only because he didn’t want to be near him, but because he was afraid. Not afraid of Tsukishima, no.

He was afraid because he might lose control. He might hurt him.

Then Daichi was there.

“I don’t want you to even come near her until she’s ready to talk to you. Do you understand me?” He nodded. Daichi glared at him for a minute that could have been an hour, a moment completely suspended in time.

“Then get out of here.” And Tsukishima scrabbled to his feet, not once looking away from Daichi until he was completely up on his feet. Only then did he let the tears fall.

You were gone now. And look what he did.

As he ran away from the Gym, you thought it was laughter you heard coming from Tsukishima, when really, he was sobbing.

You kept listening even as his cries echoed through the clearing, and even when they were gone.

“I loved you, Tsukishima.” You whispered.

a/n: Makin myself cry here

[salty-dracon]

ace hang plays my darling, a visual novel

DELICIOUS BOYFRIEND! | My Darling Full Playthrough | Ace Hang Plays

Lily: So let me get this straight. It’s a very short visual novel? And it’s... interesting?

Brid: Yeah. 

Val: Okay, so the last visual novel you recommended us was that one with the pigeons. So, if it’s a half hour long game that you liked, it’s probably either really good or terrifying. 

Brid: I guess you’ll never know which one until you start playing it. 

Arthur: Should I.... keep my eyes closed? 

---------

Arthur: Hey everyone, Ace Hang here! I’m Arthur!

Lily: I’m Lily!

Val: I’m Val!

Brid: And I’m Bridget! And we’re playing My Darling, a romantic visual novel game that I found on YouTube last night and thought the guys would enjoy playing!

Lily: You terrify me, lady. 

Val: See, I didn’t know that Hatoful Boyfriend would be like, a borderline horror game until you got me to play it for my channel. 

Arthur: Seriously? I always knew it was a horror game. 

Val: What the fuck? You didn’t tell me? 

Arthur: Brid and I were discussing it the other day, and she told me not to tell you anything about it. 

Val: But our playthrough of Calling Cipher- ugh, whatever. Point is, every time Brid recommends us a game, it’s either really good or a horror game. And with a title like “My Darling”, it’s probably not because it’s good. 

Lily: Um, do I get to roast the anime boys? 

Brid: Please. Do it. Literally half of the reason I picked this one out was for you to roast the anime boys. 

Val: And the other half? 

Brid: .... You don’t need to know that. 

Arthur: Are you going to use someone’s murder plot on us? 

Brid: What the fuck, of course not!

Lily: Okay, you red-haired bitch- NOT YOU BRIDGET- time to destroy your self-esteem. 

Brid: *snort*

Lily: Oh, uh, “What’s your name?”

Val: Okay, we gotta think of something stupid. Like, the level of your Noctis Umbra videos stupid. 

Lily: I mean, My Dude worked well, but like... we need something better. 

Val: Yeah. Uh, how about Bro? Oh, but I’m not sure how well that would work... since we’re probably playing a girl... 

Lily: It can be a gender-neutral bro. Like how I call everyone “dude”? 

Val: Good point, but like, Brid doesn’t want us to ruin the immersion. 

Brid: I say go for it. You could actually pull that one off. I don’t think gender is a big factor in the game.

Lily: Seriously?! We can do the bro stuff?!

Brid: I mean, besides all the pink. 

Val: BRO!

Arthur: BRO!

Lily: BRO!

Brid: BRO!

---------

Arthur: Can I voice him? Val gets to voice all the hot guys. 

Lily: Please, I wanna see your take on him!

Arthur: Okay. Let’s go. “Welcome!” His shading is, uh, interesting. Oh, look at his apron. “Best cook”. I bet he’s a good cook.

Lily: I bet he’s a shit cook.

Brid: “This is Takuya, my partner. We’ve been together for five years and are deeply in love.”

Val: So... not a dating sim? Unless we get to cheat on this guy?

Brid: “In the evening, when I come home from work, he greets me with a smile and hastens to prepare dinner. His words are so sweet.”

Val: I don’t trust him. 

Lily: God, if her internal monologue is just going to be “god he’s so cute” instead of “i love him” or something cute like that, it’s gonna suck. Gotta make it gay, man.

Brid: You want me to do a guy voice?

Lily: Please. 

Brid: *laughing* Okay! *lowered voice* “Good evening, my darling, I see you’re wearing the apron I gave you!”

Lily: TITLE DROP WHOOO

Arthur: “You noticed? Yes, I like it a lot!” Because he’s the best cook! See! It says so!

Brid: “Good. It suits you very well.”

Arthur: “Don’t say that kind of thing, bro!”

Brid: Bro. 

Lily: BROOOOOOOO

Brid: “Sorry, I couldn’t help it, bro. He is so cute.” 

Val: And then, we get into the hentai. 

Arthur: “I’ll take your things and put them away. Why don’t you rest in the living room while I go get dinner?”

Brid: *regular voice* “You’re right. Just let me take my phone. I search my pockets but can’t find it. Takuya has a strange expression. It looks like something is bothering him.”

Val: He stole our phone. 

Lily: Why are you so suspicious of him?!

Brid: “I completely forgot where I put it. It’s annoying, since I’d like to read the news.”

Arthur: “Don’t worry. I got you a newspaper. I know you like reading the news in the evening, so I buy you a newspaper every night! And you know why.”

Val: ... why? 

Lily: Beating up spiders? Garfield style? 

Arthur: “Screens poison couples. They cause addiction and isolation.”

Brid: “Yes, I know. That’s why we have no TV or computer.”

Lily: ... 

Val: ... 

Arthur: ... 

Brid: ... 

Lily: Uh, what the fuck? 

Arthur: Are we in some kind of abusive relationship?

Val: ... Yeah, what the fuck? No phone, no TV, no computer... are we being held hostage?

Lily: Okay, maybe you were right not to trust this guy. 

Arthur: “Anyway, the only person I want to see or talk to is you, Bro.”

Brid: Aw, thanks, bro! 

Arthur: You’re my best bro, bro!

Brid: I love you bro! 

Arthur: I love you too, bro! 

Brid: “You always say sweet words to evade the issue. You’re lucky it works pretty well.”

Arthur: “Stop teasing me!” Okay, like.... I don’t like him. Already. He says sweet words to evade the issue, of no screens, and him probably stealing our phone. 

Val: Seriously, look up Idiot Plot on TVTropes, okay? Because this is an Idiot Plot. 

Lily: Seriously. 

---------

Brid: “I forget a lot of things, because I have amnesia.”

Lily: Amnesia? Okay, this is bullshit-

Brid: I actually looked this one up. It’s called anterograde amnesia. You can’t form new memories. 

Lily: Oh, like Soren Sprocket from AA6!

Brid: Yeah, like him. 

Lily: I knew that was a real thing, I just wasn’t sure what it was called. Still don’t trust this guy. 

Val: Yeah, me neither. 

Arthur: “Here’s your lemonade. Look, I even put a straw in it to make a festive atmosphere. It’s your favorite color.”

Lily: ... wow, that’s, uh... 

Val: I hate this guy. So much. 

Arthur: Like can you imagine how sad her life must be? Goes to work, doesn’t have screens at home, kisses her boyfriend over a straw that’s her favorite color... 

Val: I do not trust this guy. I just can’t.

Brid: “Hey, thanks for staying with me.”

Arthur: “Bro... ”

Brid: Bro, you mean everything to me. Like, no homo, bro, but, I’m so happy you’re here for me. 

Arthur: I love you too, bro. I’m never gonna leave you, because you mean everything to me, bro. 

Lily: Bro. 

Val: BROOOOOO

----------

Lily: Awwww, he’s feeding us now. Beef and potato stew? Licious. 

Brid: Y’know, I don’t understand why couples find it cute to feed each other. It’s like, have you ever tried to feed a baby? Like, they take it all fine till they’re like, 12 months, but once the baby develops teeth-

Val: Oh my god, I used to have to feed my cousins- they were like 4 at the time, and twins- I had to feed them some stew with green peppers, and they’d just knock it out of my hand, even if they wanted it. I got frustrated so easily and then made one of them cry when i shoved the spoon in too hard. You have to be really careful. 

Lily: ... Ouch.

Val: Yeah. Man, I felt so bad after I did that. But feeding kids once they grow teeth in is hard.

Arthur: And yeah, if you’re fed while you have teeth, it’s like... awkward. I don’t know, maybe I’m used to having food randomly shoved into my mouth with a larger bite than I eat. 

Brid: Oh, big mood, I hate it when people try to feed me with a bigger bite than’s usual for me. 

Lily: ... 

Lily: Am I the only one that actually likes being fed? With a spoon? 

Val: ... He’s absolutely feeding us dead bodies. I’m so sure of it. 

Lily: WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?

Val: I DON’T TRUST THIS BITCH HE’S PROBABLY LIKE A CANNIBAL OR SOMETHING

------------

Brid: “I lean against the wall to pick up the towel. Suddenly a part of the wall collapses, revealing a small hole. This part of the wall looks like it was sealed and then painted over.”

Val: DEAD BODY

Lily: ... Yeah probably. 

Arthur: Oh boy. 

Brid: “I peer through the hole, seeing pipes- and among them, a human head, legs, and torso.”

Val: HE CUT UP A BODY

Brid: “A corpse.” Val, look at the art. He did not cut up a body. 

Val: HE KILLED A BODY

Arthur: “Body” implies that it’s already dead. 

Val: HE KILLED A PERSON

Brid: There we go. 

Lily: Wait, so he killed a person? 

Brid: Who’s ‘he’?

Lily: ... Brid, you just said ‘He killed a person’. 

Brid: No, Val said that. 

Val: And you agreed with me. 

Brid: You never specified who ‘he’ was. 

Val: There’s only one other guy in the story. Takuya.

Brid: “He” could be God. 

Val: Does Mr. Shitty Teal Apron look like God to you? 

Arthur: You’re God. 

Val: DAMN RIGHT I’M GOD

Lily: ... Wait, what were we talking about? 

---------

Brid: “I saw a body in the bathroom.”

Arthur: “I think you just had a bad nightmare. Everything will be fine, don’t worry! I’ll take care of it after I do the dishes.”

Brid: “There’s a BODY in the BATHROOM and all you can think about is DISHES?!”

Arthur: “A healthy house begets a healthy mind. We must eliminate all kinds of nuisance to be at peace.” ... I don’t like this guy.

Lily: BOI

Val: HE MURDERED THAT BODY

Lily: DAMN RIGHT HE DID

Arthur: Oh boy. Th-Theories? 

Val: He’s a cannibal. He’s trying to get us to be cannibals too. That or he’s raising us like livestock to eat. Promised Neverland style. 

Lily: Zombie apocalypse. He’s trying to keep us sane. Only uninfected meat is humans. He wants to feed us meat. 

Arthur: ... He’s absolutely going to snap and try to kill us if we say we don’t love him. It’s going to be scary. 

Brid: ... Yeah, it’s fucked up, huh? 

---------

Brid: “I hear some strange sounds downstairs. Why is he cooking at this hour?”

Val: CANNIBALISM

Lily: YEAH

Arthur: TAKUYA DONT EAT PEOPLE

Brid: *stifling a giggle* “The noise sounds like a knife cutting something.”

Val: GUESS THAT BEEF STEW WASNT REALLY BEEF HUH

Lily: I THINK YOU’D KNOW WHAT BEEF TASTES LIKE 

Val: AMNESIA

Lily: GOOD POINT

Brid: “I pause for a moment, worrying he’ll be angry.”

Lily: HE LOCKED US IN A ROOM. FUCK HIM. 

Arthur: I SWEAR HE’LL SHOW UP AND BE COVERED IN BLOOD

Lily: OH GOD

Arthur: It’s like, we walk in, and he’s covered in blood, and he’s like- Naw, bro! I know you see all this blood on my chest, but calm down! It’s just pig blood, see? Was making some fresh pork for you, bro!

Brid: *cracking up* Aww, bro, it’s all over yourself! All over your sexy, manly arms!

Arthur: Yeah, bro. I need to wash this stuff off, but there’s too much and it’s all stuck to my hairy chest, bro!

Brid: I’ll help you, bro! Let’s take a shower together so we can clean it all off, bro! 

Arthur: Sounds awesome, bro! No homo, bro!

----------

Brid: Aaaaand there’s our big bloody boy. 

Lily: Please never say anything remotely like that again. 

Val: Try and explain your way outta this one, you fuck. 

Arthur: “Bro you had to stay in the room! Go back there now!”

Brid: “I push Takuya away and repress the urge to vomit. The air is filled with the disgusting stench of blood. The countertops are covered in red. Several garbage bags lie on the ground, filled with distinctive shapes.”

Val: Is he... not a cannibal?

Lily: Don’t ask me.

Arthur: “This person is a man who hung around you. He was bad, so I took control of things.”

Brid: “You killed a guy!”

Arthur: “I had to!”

Brid: “You’re crazy!”

Lily: As if that weren’t already clear from him throwing out all of our screens. 

Val: Yeah. Wait, didn’t they say she went to work? Doesn’t she get to see screens there?

Brid: “His eyes darken.”

Arthur: “Don’t say things like that. All of it. I did it for you.” Great, creepy eyes now. He’s gonna kill us next. Fuck.

Brid: “I feel a rush of adrenaline as I rush towards the entrance.”

Lily: GRAB A WEAPON!

Val: THAT BITCH HAS A KNIFE

Lily: OH FUCK

Arthur: D-Don’t yell!

Val: LIVING ROOM NOW

Lily: UNDER THE TABLE

Val: HE HAS A KNIFE

Lily: SHE HAS A TABLE

Arthur: “Bro, come here.”

Lily: RUN

Val: YEAHHHHH SHE GOT OUT

Brid: You guys are having way too much fun with this.

Lily: RUN FOR THE DOOR

Val: FUCK HE CAUGHT US- OH GOD HE’S CLOSE

Lily: AAAAAAAA WHY DOES THE GAME DO THAT

Arthur: Are you two okay?!

Val: No. We’re not. We hate this guy.

Lily: With a passion. 

Val: OH FUCK A CROSSROADS. BEDROOM OR BATHROOM

Lily: UHHHH. OH FUCK. BATHROOM. 

Val: Yeah, he’ll lock us in the bedroom!

Lily: GOOOO

(Arthur and Brid click the option while they’re enjoying Lily and Val’s shouting)

Brid: “I pick up a hair dryer.”

Lily: OHHH IS SHE GONNA STRANGLE HIM WITH THE HAIR DRYER?!

Val: FUCK YEAH GIRL

Lily: GO FOR IT BRO!

Val: Or... smack him. That works too, I guess. 

Lily: IN. THE FUCKING. BALLS. BITCH.

Val: TURN DOWN FOR WHAT!!

Brid: “I run out.”

Lily: YEAH RUN BITCH RUN

Val: GET OUT THE WAY!

Lily: YEET OUTTA THERE SIS

Brid: “But something catches my ankle.”

Lily: AWWWWWW

Val: COME ON. FUCKING. YANDERE ASS. FUCKER

---------

Val: Aaaaand now we’re bound and gagged. 

Lily: This guy is the worst. I hate him. 

Brid: Seriously. 

Arthur: “If only things could go back to the way they were... ” he says, covered in blood, still trying to hide the belongings of the dead guy. “we would be so happy.”

Lily: Hate this guy. 

Arthur: “This man ruined everything.” OH MAN, I think he’s actually a yandere. Yeah, that makes him a yandere, right? Killing someone for his one true love? Or maybe he’s a good guy, who knows. Maybe. I don’t know. I think the creepy eyes aren’t, uh... helping his case.

Lily: Yeahhhh.... 

Arthur: “I’m sorry this all happened. It won’t happen again. Just please know that I’d do anything for you.”

Brid: THEN PERISH

Lily: OHHHHHH

Val: THEN PERISH YOU FUCKING CANNIBAL

Arthur: But he’s not even a cannibal... 

Lily: Close enough. 

Brid: “You’re not my boyfriend, you’re a thief!”

Arthur: “Does this mean... that the drug is no longer effective?” THAT SPRITE IS DOWNRIGHT TERRIFYING. OH MY GOD LOOK AT HIS SMILE. I DO- I DO NOT LIKE THAT.

Brid: Yeah, that transition’s a bit scary, huh? 

Arthur: I’m going to have nightmares about that. 

Brid: You don’t have to look at his eyes. 

Lily: So he was drugging us. 

Brid: “In the depths of my memory, I see a man, not Takuya, embracing me tenderly. We went on dates and holidays together... but then I remember that he was the man whose face I saw in the wall.”

Arthur: Damn... That’s... evil. 

Brid: Fuck this guy. “You ruined my life!”

Arthur: “Don’t talk nonsense- it was him! You were happy with me. But he didn’t deserve you. You should be happy for everything I did for you.”

Brid: “You killed my boyfriend and drugged me to make me think I had amnesia!”

Arthur: “The drugs were useful. I cooked them into everything I made for you. It made you think you went to work and came back at night. It was impressive.”

Val: Man, I don’t think I’ve ever been on a drug trip this bad.

Arthur: “We can go back to the way things used to be.”

Brid: “Go fuck yourself, asshole!”

Val: THATS MAH GIRL! YEAH GET EM

Lily: FUCK YEAH! 

Arthur: “Stop talking to me like that. You were much more docile in bed... ”........ Oh my god. What the fuck. That’s so fucked up. 

Val: I want him dead. 

Brid: I’m gonna kill this guy. Seriously, what an asshole, right? 

Val: So let me get this straight. He killed our boyfriend, kidnapped us, drugged us so we thought we were going to work every day and coming home to him, lied to us about being in a relationship for five years and r*ped us while we were out cold. 

Lily: Yeah, guess so. What the fuck, man. 

Val: ... Fuck this guy.

Arthur: I... really want to see this guy get justice hammered. 

Brid: “You’re crazy!”

Arthur: “Yes, I’m crazy! Crazy about you! But don’t you remember? You said you loved me too.”

Brid: “I could never love someone like you!”

Arthur: “You lied to me! Don’t toy with my feelings! This has to stop. I’m going to make sure you stay with me forever!”

Val: He’s gonna kill us. 

Brid: *trying not to laugh* Ohhhh yeah. 

Arthur: “Why didn’t I think of this before! It’s so romantic. They say making love unites bodies but only for a moment... how would you like to be a part of me forever?!”

Lily: Is he gonna do that thing in Black Butler where he’s gonna sew our bodies together?!

Arthur: Oh, GROSS. 

Val: ... That... happened in Black Butler? 

Lily: Yeah, it was a major plot point and everything. Like, the main villain was like, hey, let’s sew Ciel’s parents’ bodies together. To make a perfect human being. Union of male and female, y’know?

Val: ... Wow. Maybe I should watch it. 

Brid: I like that one better than what actually happens here.

Val: Wait, what?

Arthur: “I mean... eating you.”

Val: WAIT I WAS RIGHT ABOUT THE CANNIBALISM?!

Brid: ...

Val: BRID?

Brid: ...

Val: BRID.

Arthur: “Don’t worry, you’ll be happy inside me! I’m happy just thinking about it!”

Val: GETTING CONFIRMATION HE’S A CANNIBAL IS SOMEHOW SO MUCH WORSE THAN JUST SPECULATING ABOUT IT

Brid: “Please don’t do this, I beg of you-”

Val: I HATE THIS BRID

Arthur: “Oh, right. I never made dessert.”

Val: “Bad end: Cannibal Love.” Yeah, okay. So, uh, what the fuck, Bridget? What in the goddamn fuck was this? He ate us! 

Brid: I just really wanted to see your reactions to the cannibalism. 

Lily: You’re a monster. I’m afraid. 

Arthur: I enjoyed it. Sort of. 

Brid: I know. It was just for the reactions. 

Arthur: I will have nightmares, Brid. I hope you know that.

Brid: Takuya the evil cannibal yandere rapist isn’t real and can’t hurt you. 

Arthur: Takuya be like... there. On the title screen. Smiling at us. Only it’s creepier now that we know he’s a yandere. 

Brid: There is a true ending. But, uh, if you don’t want to see it-

Val: How do you get it?

Brid: Hold on, let’s get some water, and then we’ll have to restart the whole game pretty much... 

---------

Brid: Hey everyone, Ace Hang’s back, with some more My Darling, we got some snacks and water, and we’re gonna try for the true ending this time. 

Arthur: I’m not ready. I’m not ready. 

Lily: It’s okay, man. You’ve done great so far. Just a little bit more. 

Val: Yeah. Do it for us. Who wants to kill this bitch.

Arthur: Yeah! Okay, so uh...

Brid: You’re offered one choice at the beginning of the game that’s like, “I love you!“ or “You doubt me?“. We chose “I love you” the first time. If you pick “You doubt me” you get the true ending. Kind of out of place, but hey. And for the other events in the game, like us finding the body in the bathroom, finding Takuya cutting up a dead body, and the big chase scene where we try to run away from the cannibal yandere, are all the same.

Val: Unfortunately.

Brid: Yeah... Anyway, let’s get back into the action. He’s got us tied up on the couch right now.

Arthur: “I asked you if you loved me, and you never gave an answer. I want one now.“

Lily: Kind of a weird spot, yeah.

Arthur: “Despite everything, do you love me?“

Lily: NO

Val: FUCK NO

Brid: ABSOLUTELY NOT

Arthur: YOU HAVE MADE SOME VERY QUESTIONABLE DECISIONS MY GUY

Brid: “I don’t love you. I love the man you killed.”

Arthur: “Shut up about him!“

Brid: He threatens me with his knife.

Arthur: “I stabbed him a hundred times!“

Val: No ya didn’t, ya fuckin’ liar. You stabbed him 99 times. Bitch.

Lily: *dying of laughter*

Brid: “He’s leaning near my face while shouting. I kick him.“

Lily: YEAH GIRL!! WHOOO GET EM

Val: FUCK HIM UP! FUCK HIM UP!

Brid: “I catch the knife in between my fingertips and cut my ties.“

Val: Wait, what?

Val: Wait, wait, hold up. If you caught a butcher knife with your hands, you’d be-

Lily: Listen, if your wrists are bound like this,*holds up hands with wrists together* you could potentially rotate your wrists enough to- see, like that.

Val: No, no. That wouldn’t work. See, your hands would be so tightly bound that-

Brid: What are you guys talking about?

Val: If your hands were bound, could you use a knife to cut your ties?

Brid: BDSM fanfics wouldn’t tell me that one.

Lily: You read BDSM fic?

Brid: You don’t need to know that.

Arthur: What if she cut her legs first, pressed the knife up between her legs, and cut her arms like that?

Val: Great idea, but unrealistic. See, your sneakers aren’t exactly- and especially your bare feet won’t-

Brid: It just happens, okay. Come on, get back to the game. “I see him standing up, quickly grab the keys, and run away.“

Lily: Jesus, how hard did she brain him? If I brained an attacker, I literally would not be able to escape like that.

Val: He fucking deserved it. That’s why.

Arthur: He deserved every ounce.

Brid: “I run out of the house, my breath shaky. I stumble around, scared. There is no one around. Suddenly, I feel a hand on my shoulder-“

Val: STAB HIM

Lily: SHANK THAT HOE

Val: SHANK HIM

Arthur: IT’S PROBABLY JUSTIFIABLE SELF DEFENSE

Brid: “It’s a neighbor and her big dog.“

Lily: Oh thank God. I mean, dog. Oh thank dog.

Arthur: Doggo.

Lily: Okay, so is my zombie apocalypse theory true?

Val: Who has a dog in the apocalypse?!

Lily: “Hey, I was worried about you! Did you move? I saw a stranger enter and leave your house a few times.“

Val: A few times?

Arthur: So basically, he’s only been keeping up the delusion for a few weeks at most.

Val: Why do you say?

Arthur: Groceries. Assuming he had enough money.

Val: ?

Arthur: Beef goes bad in four days usually.

Val: Oh.

Arthur: Potatoes last forever though. And several times means he’s not been there for more than, like, a year.

Val: Oh, well that’s good, at least.

Arthur: I mean, it’s still bad.

Val: Yeah, but like, it’s good that it wasn’t for five years.

Lily: Yeah.

Brid: “Quick, we need to get out of here! He’s coming!“

Lily: “Who’s coming?“

Brid: “The dog starts growling. In the distance a shadow detaches itself from the wall. I recognize him. He’s coming towards us.”

Lily: “What the hell does he want?!“

Brid: “I can’t move. Takuya approaches us with a threatening look.“

Lily: “Stay away or I’ll set my dog on you!“

Val: *ARF*

Arthur: “Bro, come here. We’re going home.“

Brid: “No way, you murderer!“

Lily: Bitch, I’m real close to setting my dog on you!

Val: *ARF ARF ARF*

Lily: How are you doing that?

Val: I’m a man of many talents.

Lily: Sure you weren’t a furry once?

Val: Shut up.

Arthur: “So you hate me? I thought I was doing the right thing... Why don’t you love me? Why can’t you see that I have so much to offer you?“

Lily: Oh, I don’t know, maybe because you kidnapped us and stabbed our boyfriend?!

Val: Mood.

Brid: “How could I love a person like you?!“

Arthur: “I wanted to build you a better life! I saw you crying on a bench once, and I wanted to save you. Every tear you shed stabbed my heart. Come home, and we’ll pick up the pieces together.“

Lily: If Takuya knew what sin was he wouldn’t care.

Brid: “We’re done here.“ “Police sirens ring out. Takuya looks frantically in their direction and then mine before taking off at top speed. The neighbor tries to restrain her dog-“

Val: *ARF*

Brid: “... from running after him. A police car enters the alleyway.“

(screen fades to white)

Arthur: ... Oh, is that it?

Brid: “A year later, I changed the course of my life. I moved away and began making new memories, but this experience will forever remain in the back of my mind. But I could never forget that man. He’s always there in my tainted memories. One day, I received a letter from an anonymous source:“

Brid: “I only ask that you forgive me.“

Val: ...

Arthur: ...

Lily: ...

Brid: ...

Val: YOU CANNIBALIZED US IN THE OTHER ENDING YOU ABSOLUTE FUCK. YOU YANDERE FUCK.

Lily: Is he out of prison?! How’d we get the note?! What the fuck?! What the Cinnamon Toast fuck is going on here?!

Arthur: Why. Would. Anyone. Forgive you?! What, do you want a sequel where you kidnap her a second time?!