#i always wanna say certain things towards certain people but constantly hesitate so i don't risk discomfort or even just embarrassing mysel
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one day i'll get the courage to say the words i want
#sage's diary#010#11/22/2024#(currently a bit high while making this so forgive me)#hate being so scatterbrained like this. makes it hard to formulate thoughts and say the right things#this is what i get for having unmedicated ADHD i guess#while sometimes i wanna say whats on my mind. its also best if i just didn't say anything at all i think#“i want to be mysterious so bad but i just cannot shut the fuck up”-type beat#i always wanna say certain things towards certain people but constantly hesitate so i don't risk discomfort or even just embarrassing mysel#i think its just. wanting to be my TRUE self around people but feelign like i have to hold back lest i drive people away? idk#or maybe im just overthinking things cause im high and its late#regardless. i wish i could really say whats on my mind alot of the time but i shant.....#in actual news WE FINALLY GOT OUR LIGHTS TO WORK :DDDDD so now we're not just relying on lamps for light sources!!! yippee!!!!!#also hoping to actually get more owed art done tomorrow. its only 2 pieces but it feels like so much more to meeee :[#i think i'll be fine. we'll see
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Since so many people have a fanmade weird route variant, might as well join.
It's called SugarSong/Forced Friendship.
It's a K_K-centric route because I like tormenting my comfort characters. SCC are siblings in this AU.
To start the route, Ignore every NPC except K_K. You don't have to buy his CD bagels, you just aren't allowed to buy them from Cap'n. You can't talk to anyone who isn't K_K, so ignore the other NPCs as well, You MUST talk to K_K every time you see him. Next, when you get to the battle, have Susie constantly use rude buster on both Sweet and Cap'n. Doing this about 4 times(2 on each) will end the battle, causing this interaction:
Sweet: "I don't feel to good..."
Cap'n: "Same here man, battles done."
K_K: "Oh no! Yes, let's go home!"
Once this happens, continue as normal(Without talking to NPCs. Scripted events don't affect this.) up until you reach Sweet Cap'n Cakes shop. Enter the shop. Everything is normal aside from the fact that the Auto Axe is replaced with a new item, the DigiScarf(They don't wanna sell an Axe to a girl who beat them up with one not to long ago.). Go to the talk section and click on the new dialogue option simply labeled "Cakes," Although dialogue implys that Kris is saying "K_K is my favorite." K_K reacts very positively towards this, thanking Kris while beaming. Sweet and Cap'n, despite seeming a bit jealous, simply talk about how K_K is pretty cool, not pushing any further. Leave. afterwards everything will continue as normal until you fall into the garbage dump. There you see K_K humming a quiet tune to themself and smiling. Talking to him, he will mention how he decided to go for a walk, but now he's a little lost. Ralsei will invite him to stick with the $!$! squad(Or whatever name you picked for your team in chapter 1, I just used that because picked it.), to which K_K agrees, as he likes how kind Kris was to them back in the field. K_K will always appear in the garbage dump, but will decline the offer if you didn't follow the exact instructions. Once K_K is in your party, he gets unique dialogue when interacting certain things. Such as laughing when you interact with the Egg plant that looks like a trash bag, feeling bad for trashy when Susie and Ralsei ignore him, and stuttering when meeting Nubert(He's starstruck OK?), Etc. When Susie and Ralsei leave, K_K stays behind. "Don't worry! I'll stay! We're friends, aren't we?:)"
Some important battle info:
Default Armor: Golden Bracelet
Default Weapon: NewCD
K_K has multiple spells:
K-Action: How K_K ACTs by himself, like with all Characters. Does not cost TP.
SilkMilk: Heals the entire party. costs 16% TP, 8% with BrokenCD
RockABye: Puts TIRED enemies to sleep, similar to Pacify & SleepMist. Costs 50% TP, 25% with BrokenCD
TastyBeats: K_K's equivalent of IceShock, killing/paralyzing enemies using powerful sound waves. costs 16% TP, 8% with BrokenCD.
SugarSong: K_K's Equivalent of Snowgrave . Fatal towards target, Causes user immense physical pain while being used. Costs 200% TP, 100% with BrokenCD.
Anyways, Now that we've heard that, let's continue with the route.
Continue with K_K, using TastyBeats to kill enemies. During this, K_K's smile seems to falter. After killing 10 enemies, K_K asks Kris a question
"...Why are we doing this again?"
After the question, you are given 2 responses. "Self Defense" & "We're friends, Right?" You must click the second one to progress through the route. Upon asking that, K_K says yes, and you are given 2 more choices. "I thought so" & "Friends do what friends want." You must click the second option once again. K_K look hesitant, but agrees. The only friends he ever had were his brothers, and they always listened to him. Surely it's a normal thing. Surely friends always listen to each other. Continue killing enemies until you reach the Addison from Snowgrave. They'll mention how they have a great gift for a pair of friends. This is the CentreCD. It will always be $1 more than the party has. Consistently pressure K_K into stealing it, until he stops protesting. The screen blacks out and you get the flavor text "the music sounds uneasy." shows on screen. When the screen lights up, the CentreCD is in the inventory and the Addison is gone. The front of the shop looks like it had been burnt. K_K looks uneasy, and when the CentreCD is equipped, he's silent. Continue through the route like normal, killing all enemies you encounter. K_K is no longer smiling and walking a lot slower. His battle sprite is now almost completely still and he rarely talks. Upon killing enough enemies, walk back. The boxes where Sweet Cap'n Cakes are in the normal game is replaced by an empty room with a broken CD. Equipping this for K_K will lower his HP down to 55 and he responds will a verbal "Ow" and an uncomfortable buzzing sound. Then walk back, killing every enemy you may have missed until you get to the room where the Berdly encounter would normally happen. This time however, it's Cap'n and Sweet. The beginning of the encounter goes something like this:
Cap'n: "K_K! There you are!"
Sweet: "We've been lookin' all over for man! We need to get home.
Cap'n: "Yeah, some psycho is going 'round and killin' everyone!"
K_K: "..."
Sweet: "Hey, uhm, everything alright man?"
Kris/Player: "Friends do what Friends want."
K_K: "...What?..."
The player repeats the sentence, with K_K becoming more shaken and desperate each time. Eventually Sweet and Cap'n butt in.
Sweet: "Look... We don't know what's going on but,"
Cap'n: "No one, messes with K_K like that."
Afterwards, a battle starts, with K_K becoming panicked. Like in regular Snowgrave, you need to max out your TP to use their new ability, SugarSong. K_K will not do anything during the battle. Not listening to anyone. He's in too much pain from the CD and too much distress with the current situation. Once your TP is maxed out, click on it. K_K will look at the ground in distress. The interaction goes like this.
SugarSong
"What?..."
SugarSong
"...N-No, not them..."
SugarSong
"I don't wanna hurt them..."
SugarSong
"..."
SugarSong
"..."
Friends do what Friends want.
K_K looks at the ground, before casting the spell. The Screen blacks out and the Flavor text reads "And suddenly, there was silence."
When you can see again, Sweet and Cap'n are nothing but piles of scrap metal and K_K is down(Reread the description of SugarSong). Interacting with K_K says "Put the scrap away?" You must select yes. The screen fades out and back in, now with K_K gone. Checking your items shows an unnamed object with the description "A friend. Fast asleep."
The rest of the route continues like a normal route, mainly due to the fact that there's no reason for any major changes. A few lines will be different but most things stay the same.
In the lightworld, there is a cassette player and speaker lying on the ground. interacting with them says "Broken beyond repair."
Back in castle town, Sweet Cap'n Cakes place won't be there, for obvious reason's, but entering Kris' room, K_K will be curled up in the corner, asleep. Interacting with him says "Goodnight Scrap friend"
#deltarune#k k deltarune#deltarune scc#deltarune snowgrave#snowgrave#sweet cap'n cakes#deltarune fan route#snowgrave route#cw: toxic relationship#fanmade snowgrave#fanmade weird route#deltarune au#deltarune kris
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daddy issues; D.M
summary: you and draco bond over issues in 6th year
word count: 2.4k
warnings: err angst, comfort, illusions to sex
song: daddy issues (the remix) - the neighbourhood
a/n: i tried not to make it stereotypical bc i didn’t wanna make it seem all “i like older men lol”, probably my fav fic i’ve written, also arent these anime gifs so cute
masterlist | taglist
Take you like a drug
I taste you on my tongue
Tongues battling for dominance, bodies rubbing against each other searching for a feeling. It’s become routine now, a different person in your dorm swallowing a new pill, entangling limbs with someone just to feel something.
You ask me what I'm thinking about
I tell you that I'm thinking about
Whatever you're thinking about
Tell me something that I'll forget
And you might have to tell me again
It's crazy what you'll do for a friend
It was a constant cycle, putting yourself out there seeking the male attention you crave, seeking validation, constant reassurance and trusting too easily. That’s how you ended up with a different guy who always in the end leaves. You trusted too easily and people took advantage of how trusting and naive you are just for a quick shag.
You wished it wasn’t like this but that’s all you knew, wanting to be the best version of yourself for someone just to feel needed, no matter if the person was good or bad for you. You didn’t care, you wanted love from anyone you could get it from even if it just hurt you more.
You’re familiar with the absence, something stable made you feel a bit wary. It wasn’t something you were used to. Your father wasn’t the most present in your life, and even though he's there, he's never really there.
Go ahead and cry, little girl
Nobody does it like you do
I know how much it matters to you
I know that you got daddy issues
And if you were my little girl
I'd do whatever I could do
I'd run away and hide with you
I love that she's got daddy issues, and I do too
You always wondered where you went wrong, he preferred your siblings over you and doesn't pay you a piece of his mind. Constantly going out of your way to get his attention whether it was academically or acting a certain way just to get some sort of reaction. But he was too preoccupied with his other children, even if they were from your mom or his affairs.
That’s how you found yourself right now sitting in the astronomy tower past curfew watching the rain fall, trying to clear your head while humming softly to yourself to keep yourself distracted.
You hear distant chattering from below and quickly get up from where you were sitting and make your way to your dorm unnoticed by anyone.
Except one person, Draco Malfoy.
I tried to write your name in the rain
But the rain never came
So I made with the sun
The shade
Always comes at the worst time
He’s seen you before, you’re known around Hogwarts for how you put yourself out there and how ‘desperate’ you are for some affection. He almost feels bad for you, but he’s in no place to judge. With his dad in Azkaban Draco had so much more to worry about, like his task and how he can succeed. But there was something about you that intrigued him that he couldn't ignore.
He saw you again in transfiguration the next day and noticed a few hickeys littering your neck that you had tried to cover but it didn’t work. He wondered why you gave yourself up to so many people, but once again he was in no place to judge. He noticed the way your tongue would stick out when you focused extra hard, the way your hands would tighten around your quill when you got a question wrong and your face.
The same face that many boys including the older years would fawn over, the face that entranced and attracted many, the face of someone who would do anything for someone for some affection and the face of someone who seeked out all the wrong things.
You ask me what I'm thinking about
I tell you that I'm thinking about
Whatever you're thinking about
Tell me something that I'll forget
And you might have to tell me again
It's crazy what you'll do for a friend
You walk out of transfiguration on your way to the owlery to send a letter to your parents and feel eyes watching you everywhere. You like it, the attention, it’s something that you thrived in, but you couldn’t help but feel a new set of eyes on you.
Once you reached the owlery you realized you weren't the only one there, Draco Malfoy was also there sending a letter to who you assumed was his mother.
“y/n, right?” he asked, trying to spark a conversation.
“Yea, listen i’m sorry about what happened with your father i know you really looked up--”
“Dont worry about it, he wasn’t as good an influence as I made him out to be,” he sighed, looking away.
“My dad isn’t the best either if i’m being honest, i guess we’re in the same boat” you let out a light chuckle.
And that’s how you found yourself hanging out with draco malfoy bonding over your shared issues.
Go ahead and cry, little girl
Nobody does it like you do
I know how much it matters to you
I know that you got daddy issues
And if you were my little girl
I'd do whatever I could do
I'd run away and hide with you
I love that she's got daddy issues
It’s been weeks since you two started hanging out since the interaction in the owlery and have been getting closer ever since. You both sat down together in the astronomy tower, backed against the wall as the cool wind blew against your faces. The aura between you two was calm, a comfortable silence.
“So tell me about your dad, how is it with him in Azkaban?” you asked, tilting your head towards him.
“Mother’s not taking it well” he frowned. “I can’t even say potter’s wrong for getting him locked up because he deserves it. All my life he praised the dark lord and taught me to be selfish and always defend my blood, but he was never there for me when I needed him. I would have done everything just to hear ‘i’m proud of you’ but it never came. It’s worse now because mother’s all alone. I wish I could have stayed with her” he sighed looking out the tower watching the stars twinkle.
“I’ve noticed you’ve been much quieter this year as well, you stopped making fun of people. It’s not that nice on the receiving end huh?” you said with a teasing look on your face.
He shook his head at you scooting closer to you, it’s like the demeanor between you two have changed over the past few weeks. You found yourself pining over him rather than being in someone's bed. But this is how the cycle always goes, you get attached and they leave, you couldn’t help but hope this wasn’t the situation this time.
“Tell me about your father”
Daddy stuck around but he wasn't present
Cheated on your mom but she never left him
First I didn't get it, now I understand
He broke her heart, left money in her hand
So everything got paid for
She made sure you and your brother had way more
Than she ever had growing up
And when you told me the whole story I felt like throwing up
“ I don't know if i’d even call him my father at this point, he doesn't want me.” you sighed. “He's been cheating on my mum for years now and she still won't leave him because she thinks they can work it out. He’s had affairs with different pureblood women and has children with them. But what hurts the most is how he treats them as his own children and treats me as if I don't exist” you said, looking down as tears pooled your eyes.
Draco moved closer to you and brought his arm around your shoulders for a sense of comfort and waited for you to catch your breath so you can continue.
“I just want him to love me” you cried. “I go out my way to try and get his attention with my school work but it never works. That's why I get along with so many guys. I seek the validation, the comfort and the reassurance that I can get from him from others and I am so tired of it. I just want him to want me draco.” tears slipping out your eyes as you looked up at him, you’ve never confessed this to anyone before.
“Everyone always leaves, please don't leave me” you cried
“I’m not going anywhere” he turned his face towards you, leaning forward cautiously as if you were made of glass.
You leaned forward, wanting the exact same thing. Both very hesitant he gently pressed his soft lips against yours and they moved together in sequence, only taking a break to go back to his dorm and to breathe, limbs tangled together for the rest of the night until the sun rose.
I can see it on your face it was rough left a bad taste on your tongue
And she didn't even take any drug
She would rain all day
Couldn't wait for her son to shine
And you made it shine
There when she cried, you saved her life
It's been a week since that night in the astronomy tower and draco had already been avoiding you. It’s humiliating, but you should have known. You thought the ‘bond’ you had with him would last, it felt so genuine this time. So real.
You’d see him around the halls snogging pansy on your way back to the ravenclaw tower, lowering your head down so he wouldn’t be able to see you so you could get by quickly and unnoticed.
But he saw you.
He stared you right down in your teary eyes as he made out with pansy. You couldn’t help but feel a sense of betrayal, for someone who promised he wouldn’t leave you like everyone else, he did the exact same.
You did the only thing you knew of, you ran.
I keep on trying to let you go
I'm dying to let you know
How I'm getting on
I didn't cry when you left at first
But now that you're dead it hurts
This time I gotta know
Where did my daddy go?
I'm not entirely here
Half of me has disappeared
Draco followed you to the girls lavatory, hearing your shallow cries coming from one of the stalls. He approached the stall you were in trying not to make too much noise so he doesn't startle you.
He felt awful.
He promised he would never leave you, after you both poured your hearts out to each other but he still left. He had too, he was putting you in danger just by being with him. If Voldemort ever found out about you and hurt you he wouldn't be able to live with himself, that's why he took it upon himself to hurt you first.
“y/n are you in here?” he called out even though he knew the answer.
You recognized that familiar voice anywhere. “What do you want draco?” you said, trying to make it seem as if you weren’t just crying.
“I want to talk to you, please”
“No,” you said getting up and pushing yourself out of the stall. “You don't get to just throw me away after I told you everything and just come back into my life like nothing ever happened. Just go away, that's all you guys are good for” you spat.
“Just listen to me, it was to keep you safe. I didn;t want to but i couldn't bear seeing you hurt” he tried to explain.
“Safe?” you laughed. “ and what exactly do i need saving from, malfoy.”
“From me” he said as he pulled up his sleeve revealing his dark mark to you. Your body instantly tensed, you knew he was having problems and his family was involved with the dark lord but you never knew it was like this.
“Draco i-” you tried to say something but the words were stuck in your throat. He stood there looking at you desperately like he was waiting for you to tell him everything was okay, you wanted to be there for him but you didn’t know what to do. You trusted him with everything but he couldn't trust you with this? You thought the bond you had made would have made him trust you in the slightest, but clearly it's always you who’s more trusting.
“Why didn't you tell me?” you managed to say, your voice hoarse.
“I thought you’d leave me, you were the only good thing i had. Please don't leave me” he begged, salty tears escaping his eyes and running down his cheeks as he looked at you with desperation.
“So you thought pushing me away by snogging pansy was better?” you yelled, as he continued to look at you slightly taken aback by your lashing out.
“You know what, go ahead and cry little boy. You know that your daddy did too, you know what your mama went through. You gotta let it out soon, just let it out” you taunted walking closer to him looking straight into his teary eyes.
“This time I'll be the one that leaves.” and with that you were gone.
Go ahead and cry, little girl
Nobody does it like you do
I know how much it matters to you
I know that you got daddy issues
And if you were my little girl
I'd do whatever I could do
I'd run away and hide with you
I love that she's got daddy issues, and I do too
It’s been months since that night in the girls lavatory, and you missed him. You wanted to visit him in the hospital wing once you heard what happened with Harry Potter, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do so. He left you, and you were tired of always going back to people who just hurt you.
Now here you were at the battle of Hogwarts, standing with everyone while Voldemort and his death eaters stood across from you all.
“Draco, draco come here” you heard narcissa call from across the scene. He looked hesitant, as if he was waiting for someone to stop him but no one did. So he started walking over to his parents.
But you grabbed his hand.
“Stay please” you whispered looking up into his eyes.
He looked back at his parents and back at you like he was contemplating his answer.
“I’ll stay”
If you were my little girl
I'd do whatever I could do
I'd run away and hide with you
I love that she's got daddy issues, and I do too
—————-
tagging fun ppl nd ppl who interacted (so srry if u don’t wanna be tagged)
@hellohellook @astoria-malfcy @justfangirlthingies @sfdlm @falling-loki @notvasi @gwlvr @malfoytookmyheart
#draco malfoy#draco malfoy x reader#draco fuckingmalfoy#draco malfoy angst#draco malfoy fluff#draco malfoy smut#draco lucius malfoy#harry potter#fred x hermione#fred weasley#george weasley#ron weasly x reader#remus x sirius#the mauraders#sirius black#james potter#harry x ginny#pansy parkinson#blaise x y/n#theodore nott#draco malfoy imagine#draco x y/n
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𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤
𝔰𝔥𝔦𝔫𝔰𝔬𝔲 𝔥𝔦𝔱𝔬𝔰𝔥𝔦 ᥊ 𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔡𝔢𝔯
𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆: you find yourself in a bar that you and your ex used to go to regularly. the local bartender calls your ex- shinsou hitoshi; thinking you guys are still together.
𝗮𝗱𝗱𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝘁𝗮𝗴𝘀: angst to fluff (happy ending), sfw, pro hero au (aged up), drinking (alcohol mentions and intake) ex to lovers, minor todomomo (not the center of this fic) reader is in the top 5, some swearing.
𝗹𝗲𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗱: [Y/N = your name, L/N = last name, H/N = hero name, ] f! reader, quirk not mentioned.
𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲𝘀: i also did this trope on ao3 with todomomo, so i better not see people think i plagiarized them because.. that’s literally me lol. also! i was very conflicted, bc i also wanted to do this with shouto but since I already have 2-3 fics in the making, i went with hitoshi (but let me know if you wanna see shouto’s version.)
word count to be added when im not sleep deprived
˚✧₊⁎⁎⁺˳✧༚
You swivel down another shot down your throat, not caring of the burn in your nose, nor do you care about the smell of the alcohol.
You’re never like this, this is not the best representation of yourself, no. This is not who you are as a person, and the way your former classmates look at you with concern when you chug down another shot shows how unusual this is to them.
“Take it easy..” Momo pats your back, and you exhale heavily, putting down the glass. Everyone is certain that you’ll obtain some serious hangover, almost to the point that you’d have to take the morning off to treat your hangover. They’re aware that you’re not this careless, since you're in the top 5 after all.
But they let you be momentarily, but why you may ask?
Because this is your way of coping a breakup with your boyfriend of 3 and a half years, Shinsou Hitoshi. They’re aware on how hurt you really are, and to be real- they were the ones that asked you to come out with them tonight to distract you.
“They’ve been going at it for a while, it’s almost concerning.” Tsuyu comments, as she tends to a slightly tipsy Mina, holding her so she doesn’t fall face first into the floor.
The least they could do is let you be, while you're not totally blacked out.
The local bartender- Maki, looks at you with concern when you order another shot, yet they still give it to you (with the slightest hesitation) since you’re such a good friend to her. (Your rank makes you very respectable, it’s almost intimidating! but your casual friend ship with the bar tender says other wise.)
But on the contrary, you'd know when you’ve reached the limit, and you’d probably know when they’d start refusing your requests of another shot.
One by one, their friends depart from the table, either they were too drunk to even handle it so they were brought home, or something came up- everyone could agree that they all had some sort of worry towards their dear friend’s very out of character coping mechanism.
“I have to go soon,” Momo sighs, when she receives a text from Todoroki- though it’s very obvious that she’s still very concerned for you, considering that she’s the only friend left. “Please take care of Y/N, Maki-san.”
Maki nods at your black haired friend, and the creation hero looks at you one last time before leaving the bar.
Lifting your head, your words are slurred as you request for another shot, which seems like the umpteenth time that you requested for a shot. The concerned bartender still attends to your needs, yet- she’s contemplating of calling someone if you ask for another.
Likewise, you finish that shot in a moment, and you slump down on the table. Eyelids fluttering slowly as your laughter is filled with intoxication, your cheeks are warm from being inebriated from the intake of alcohol.
You don’t notice how your concerned bartender dials up a number, requesting for them to pick your drunken state.
»»————- ➴ ————-««
“Did you know the word bed is shaped like one?”
It’s now past midnight, and you’re mouthing off about something random, the train of thought is endless (but it’s more like a shower thought ramble.) Your fists are deep into your hair- holding your head up so it doesn't hit the table, meanwhile Maki paces back and forth- still tending to other requests from the very few customers left.
“Now that you’ve mentioned it, yeah.” They answer absentmindedly, “Man, I haven't seen you in nearly 4 months! it’s been a while. You knows how to hold your alcohol so frankly, this is the first time I’ve seen this side of you!”
“Oh really?” You slur, continuing on to spout out purposeless words.
The bartender’s response is a total blur, words turning into background noises, and a part of you is lucky to still be conscious and still functioning (yet it's barely)
“..But you hold it well for--”
You’re also very lucky that you’re a little too under the influence to even register the name.
You didn't know you’d take this breakup with him harshly. The most you were expecting was just.. crying while eating ice cream.
But no, it was an utter shit hole.
The door busts open, and the bartender’s expression seems to brighten up “Ah, there you are!”
You grumble, the bar’s lights causing your eyes to sting- and your head hurts too. You might need some aspirin later.. you close your eyes shut. The bartender is chatting with the unknown person, and frankly- you just wished you didn’t intoxicate yourself this much.
“Y/N,”
The baritone voice is almost sufficient in sobering you up. Turning to the familiar voice, you see the tall figure, sporting bedraggled purple hair.
It’s Shinsou Hitoshi. A reason why you’re in such a mess, coping with a breakup in the first place.
You almost fall off your chair in sudden revelation to the appearance of your ex lover. It was almost like.. your drunken state was making you see things- a possible hallucination maybe? it has to be that. Maybe it’s the side effect of the growing headache?? What was in that shot?
“Ugh, I must be crazy,” You wipe your cheek from slob, your head throbbing from the growing headache. The weary purple head raises an eyebrow, and the bartender is confused by the sudden tension. It's abnormal, alright.
The reason why you broke up was because of his lack of self care.
Again, it’s not like he was being a shithead and cheating on you, or being a total prick of a boyfriend and neglecting you, and it’s definitely not the other way around either.
It was probably the opposite. He'd neglect himself for days on end, not caring about himself, and not caring about his own being. It was.. not what you wanted at all.
You figured just because the both of you are rising up heroes, and also adults- he would’ve gotten a grip of not neglecting himself.
But even habits like that don’t get old.
“Hitoshi- seriously, when was the last time you’ve took a breather?” growing slightly irritated by Shinsou’s continuous neglect of his own self care, and also the fact that he’s clinging onto you 24/7.
“It doesn’t matter.” He shrugs, pinching your cheek. Heck, you should be glad he wants to be with you for the majority of the days. But you can’t tolerate him when he’s constantly complaining about being tired, although making little to no efforts in taking care of himself. Heck- his dark circles got even darker- how is that even possible?
“’Toshi, it really does. You can’t neglect self care.” Your brows furrow when he chooses to ignore your words. “You’re not listening to me.”
“You should be glad that I want to spend time with you.”
It stung. What the hell did he even mean by that..?? scoffing, and slightly offended, you reply “That’s not the main issue.” you cross your arms “We’ve talked about this before, remember?” You reason out, giving him the nice benefit of the doubt. You'd like to be civil here.
He ignores you once more, and you can actually feel the irritation grow within you. “I don’t want to be the reason why you neglect yourself.”
“I’m really not, okay?” He retorts back, “Why do you always have to bring up things that don't matter?”
Aggitated, you snap back “Wh- we’re talking about you! Hitoshi, we’ve talked about this- and you said you’d work on it! do my words mean nothing to you?” Hitoshi’s gaze flickers up, only staring at you, as if it was his own way of judging you and your intent.
And that’s how it erupted into a full fight, and into your eventual breakup.
You didn’t know how expressing your genuine concern for him blended into him saying things he’d never mean in his entire life. He doesn’t stop you when you walk out, not saying a thing at all
There was no verbal breakup. It was just.. there.
The unknowing bartender interrupts the nonverbal tension, “I thought you’d be a lot happier, y’know.”
“We-”
“..’ll get going now, thanks again.” Before you know it, Hitoshi’s hooking your arm around his shoulders— as he walks to the door, leaving the very familiar bar.
It’s awkward, surely. You’re not sure why he was there, and you’re not so sure as to why he decided to come to your aid in the first place. If Maki called him, and he was requested to come to you in question, then he could’ve just..
“..sent someone else,” You mumble. You reek heavily of alcohol, and your skin is undeniably warm. Frankly, he doesn’t remember the last time you were like this— was it the first time you had a drink? it was years back at this point.
You’re pretty.
Beautiful,
That’s one thing that hasn’t change. Surely, what changed things was the fact that he said some.. horrible things— and refused to even listen to your concerns, which ultimately cause your breakup. His relationship status changed into some lonely and young hero, and his heart ached in different ways.
But you’re still very beautiful, to him.
Doesn’t matter if you’re all dolled up for a hero interview, or a mess on a off saturday. You’re still beautiful.
But now— he’s focused on your words, and he’s taken aback when you continue to speak, causing the both of you to stop in the middle of the sidewalk.
“You’ve coulda asked s-someone else to pick.. me up.” Your words are slurred, a normal side effect of being drunk. However, seeing your ex has surely sobered you up.
“That’s true,” Shinsou moves to continue walking, so you guys weren’t standing on the middle of the side walk on a cold early morning.
“What are you even doing at a bar at 1am?” He changes the subject, but you’re still caught on to your previous question. “You didn’t answer my question at all, meanie.” Her grip is firm, so there’s no way of budging it.
His laugh lacks humor, yet he feels obligated to answer her. Or else they’d be stuck on the sidewalk, due to her hero grip.
“It didn’t feel right,”
“Yeah sure.” You grumble, “Because you suddenly care.”
“I’ve always cared, Y/N.”
“Really?” You say, not really believing him anyway. “You seemed pretty sure with your words back then to care.” Despite being toxicated, your words have undertones of venom
“You may say that, but.. I’ve always cared.”
“Then why the hell did you say all of that back then, huh?” Overwhelmed by seeing your ex, who you still fucking loved by the way— tears grow at your eyes. “If you’re lying, stop it.” You say, literally not in the mood to be lied to right now.
You’re literally being carried by your ex, while intoxicated, while also having a throbbing headache.
“I’m not.” Hitoshi answers firmly. A certain edge grows in his throat, and he hates it.
“Yes you are,” Your voice is now wobbly, it’s really just a mix of your overwhelming emotion, as well as your drunken state. “You would’ve told me that weeks ago!”
You were always right, and he knows it. Ever since from the last moment you shared with him, your words were just.. nothing but the sheer truth. Yet, he’s only hurt you�� because of his denial.
He knows you’re right, and he knows that he had his habits of neglecting his own care. Though that’s why he decided to change, that you were in fact- correct all this time.
And he was just an ass to even admit it.
“You’re right,” His fists crumple, grip tight as he fights his sudden urge to break. “You were always right. I’ve always cared, and you’ve always cared about me. Yet I was worried of changing, not being around you just so that I could take care of something that’s not really important-”
“But you are, Hitoshi,” You sob, nearly collapsing onto the ground— “You matter so much, yet you don’t even see it, and if I’m going to contribute to your destructive ways— then...”
“How could you? If you don’t care about my words, then do you care about yourself..?”
Shinsou sighs, bending down to meet your level— you’re gasping and sobbing into his chest, tears angrily running down your cheeks.
“I know, kitten, and I’m sorry.” Wiping your tears with his thumb, he speaks once more. “That’s why.. I’ve thought about what you’ve said, and I decided to take care of myself a bit more, I want you to know that.. I do care.”
You glance up at him, the city lights luminating his face— enough for you to see the adorning expression he’s sporting.
“..really?” You speak, in a nearly hush tone, again— you’re still very drunk, and overwhelmed with emotions. This could’ve been passed off as a fever dream, and you could’ve been normal with it.
“Yes, Y/N.” His mouth perks up into a small smile.
“Then.. would you allow me to start over with you again?”
Pushing against Hitoshi, you envelope him with your arms— it’s almost cliché and dramatic, the way you collapse into his arms like it’s the last day on earth.
But.. Shinsou’s glad he has you again. Finally a chance to prove that he’s changed.
ーーーーーーー
BONUS
You sit on the counter of your apartment, hands covering your face— as a way to shield your eyes from the prodding sunlight that peaks from the windows.
“This should help,” Hitoshi hands you a cool glass of water, “The way you hold your alcohol is terrible,” You chug down the glass of water, and you take a jab at him with your feet.
He hisses at the sudden attack, and only chuckles, “You’re mad because it’s true kitten,” He teases
“Shut up,” You draw him in with your leg, setting the glass down, “Just kiss me already,”
And so he does, pressing your lips against his— savoring the sweet warm moment he’s been practically starved of for nearly 4 months.
He pulls back, his expression showcasing that he’s tasting the aftermath.
“Ew, you taste like beer.”
You glare at him, and take another light jab, “Of course I do, Idiot.”
Despite saying all of that, he pulls you in once more.
˚✧₊⁎❝᷀ົཽ ❝᷀ົཽ⁎⁺˳✧༚
likes and reblogs are appreciated, thanks for reading (literally the first fic i’ve ever posted, so y’all BETTER like it or i’ll 💀)
i do not own bnha/mha and it’s characters. boku no hero academia/my hero academia belongs to horikoshi kohei, i only own the writing
do not plagiarize my work :)) (literally don’t, it’s 3:26am on a tuesday.)
#shinsou fluff#shinsou x reader#bnha imagines#bnha x reader#mha x reader#mha imagines#bnha x y/n#bnha fluff#shinsou imagines#shinsou hitoshi fanfiction#shinsou hitoshi x you#shinsou hitoshi x y/n#bnha angst#bnha fanfic#mha fanfiction#mha x you#mha x y/n#my hero academia shinsou#shinsou bnha#shinsou hitoshi#istg if this flops#shinsou x you#shinsou x y/n#if this flops i’ll actually cry#shinsou hitoshi x reader
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How would you know when you're a bad person? I always see posts about you shouldn't doubt you're a good person then right behind it is people complaining how people don't seem to change and Someone telling their story of someone being an asshole. I'm so terrified of being a bad person, but i can't tell if I am or not.
So, a few things about that. First, these are just my personal beliefs about what makes someone a good person and I hesitate to call anyone a bad person. I tend to see people as misguided or shortsighted instead. So what I’m about to tell you is heavily influenced by a Lutheran worldview. Your opinions and beliefs may differ.
I think, first things first, come to terms with the fact that you’re gonna be an asshole sometimes. I don’t mean like say “I’m an asshole and this is just who I am” I mean like you’re gonna mess up. You’re gonna sin. That’s just life. But like mistakes or sinning or however you wanna look at it isn’t really a horrible action by a horrible person. A sin or a mess up is just missing the mark. You aimed your dart at the center of the board and you missed.
Some people lead a life that eventually leads them to purposefully aim darts at other people’s eyes on a regular basis. I assume you are not one of these people. However, once in a while you may overshoot the entire board and hit someone in the foot. When that happens, whether the person hit in the foot forgives you or not, you’re both gonna have to move on from it.
If you move on from your mistake by refusing to even try to learn from your mistake and keep repeatedly shooting people in the foot that’s when you get into maybe assholeish territory.
The way to avoid being an asshole on a regular basis in my view is first of all be open to new ideas. Including the idea that you might be wrong about a lot of things. Nobody likes to be wrong. Especially when you see yourself as a good person. But like actively being a good person isn’t easy. Nobody is just born super nice and kind. Just hang out around some five year olds for a while and you’ll see what I mean. Deciding to be a certain kind of person takes effort. It’s a lifelong commitment. Willingness to learn when you’ve been a jerk and act on your new knowledge is very important.
Now, there are many different kinds of good people in this world. In Christianity we call these different categories of ways people can be helpful spiritual gifts. But in a secular sense they’re ways that a person is really good at bringing kindness and love to their community. And there’s a lot of emphasis in my church on finding what your spiritual gift is and how you can use it to put more good into the world. It doesn’t have to be an inherently spiritual or religious thing though in my view. Are you working towards creating good in your own special way? Are you really good with kids and good at making them feel loved? Are you a good public speaker and very outspoken about issues that are important to you? Are you good at crafting and make wonderful little pieces of art for your loved ones that make them feel loved? There’s a lot of ways that you can put a little more kindness and love into the world and even very small things can add up.
Now as for the day to day and not your overall impact on the world, that’s a tricky one. And it’s tricky because you can’t anticipate how other people will respond to you. I’m a very blunt person. I find it very difficult to not be blunt. And in my family and in my family’s culture bluntness is polite in most circumstances. Saying what you mean and solving any issues you have out in the open is what we do. It’s our way of being kind. But I’ve learned as I get older that not everybody likes that. Some people need things cushioned and sweetened for them. And when people talk to me like that I feel like they’re lying to me. That they’re hiding something and can’t be trusted. And when I talk to them bluntly they think that I openly hate them. But at some level that’s just a cultural difference. And there’s cultural differences and mental differences and differences in what people ate for lunch all around you. Are you willing to adapt to that sort of thing? It’s hard. But we’ve all gotta do it at some point.
Like.... there’s no way to quantify if you’re a good person or not I’m sorry to say. What you can do though is keep learning. You know what I mean? Like what are the ways you can make a positive impact on the world while still taking care of yourself? How are you adjusting as you communicate with those around you? Are you listening to them? Watching how they respond? If you’re making an honest effort then I think you’re a good person. You’re probably a jerk sometimes. We all are. Everybody has a lot of garbage in them. But according to my beliefs at least everybody has a little bit of divine love and goodness in them too. And neither the goodness nor the garbage ever fully goes away. The worst people in history have often had good intentions and the most loved people in history have had a few skeletons in their closets.
At the end of the day worrying constantly about whether or not you’re a good person will only add to the stress in your life and God knows there’s enough stress in the world right now. Are you trying? Are you listening? Are you taking care of yourself and others? Then you’re probably doing fine. Just do your best. Don’t think about yourself in black and white terms. Being a “good person” is a lifelong process that never really finishes. It’s not just a thing that you are.
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