#i always get fun groups when i do pool of tribute

[one-winged-dreams]

I totally fucking forgot I took all these screencaps on a Pool of Tribute run, I distinctly remembering yelling “COME AT ME BIG SEXYYYY” in front of god and everyone.

[artificialqueens]

Ever in Your Favor, Chapter Four (Rosnali) - Athena2

Summary: The Games grow closer, and so do Denali and Rosé as they start their plan, finally going public at the interviews.

A/N: I know it's been a while, but I'm so happy to be back to this fic! Thank you all so much for the love and support, not just on this fic but in general, with everything going on lately. It really means a lot to me. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and please leave some feedback if you'd like!

Read on AO3.

Rosé is early to dinner that night, because Denali’s words had gotten to her. She wasn’t just letting Denali down. She was letting herself down, both the younger version of herself who wanted to protect Jan and go home, and herself now, who still wants to go home. She has to help Denali, or it could kill them both. Just because she couldn’t save the tributes she mentored doesn’t mean she can’t save herself now. She can’t go into the Games blind, as much as she wanted to hide behind her sword and snarky comments, and it took Denali—someone Rosé had mentored and given advice to—to help her see it.

And it’s brought them to pretending they’re in love for Capitol favor. It’s a good idea, admittedly. So good Rosé wishes she’d thought of it. There’s nothing the audience loves more than drama, and this is the best you could get.

But alliances are hard, and an alliance with someone she knows is even riskier. Maybe this isn’t a good idea, because what if they work so well together that they’re the last tributes standing? If Denali is the only thing between Rosé and home, can she kill her? Can she kill a friend, someone she’d tried so hard to keep alive in her last Games? Can she--

“Rosé. You’re…early.”

“Don’t sound so surprised,” Rosé mumbles as Denali sits across from her.

“It’s a nice surprise,” Denali says, and Rosé takes it.

“So, about this plan…” Rosé is ready to suggest calling it off. But Denali tucks her hair behind her ears, and it makes her look so young, so hopeful, and Rosé can’t take her hope. Not when the world has taken so much already, leaving the energetic, fun-loving Denali in the dust. However risky the alliance is, they’re stronger together. Her close-combat skills perfectly balance Denali’s bow and speed. Together, they could really do this, and Rosé lets the strangeness of hope bloom in her chest.

“What is it?”

“Nothing,” Rosé says quickly. “I think we’ll be great.”

Denali beams as they browse their menus, food rushing up into the compartment next to them.

Rosé grabs the pickle off her plate. “Want this?”

“Sure.” Denali crunches happily. “Why’d you get it if you don’t like it?”

“Because I was pretty sure you liked them.”

Denali points at Rosé in approval. “See, you’re already doing relationship stuff. We got this.”

Rosé nods, but she wasn’t thinking about the fake relationship. She just wanted to see Denali happy.

---

Denali goes to meet their stylist with dread pooling in her stomach at what horrible outfits they’ll be forced into. Each district’s outfits represent their industries, which means District 1 glimmers in jewels and District 12, shafted as always, resembles a coal miner. It’s the same every year. Today, though, a new stylist sits among racks of clothes in the dressing room. She’s young, with soft skin that absolutely glows. She introduces herself as Symone, and somehow Denali hopes she might not look like an idiot this year.

“First year as a stylist?” Denali asks while Symone takes her measurements. She does her best not to flinch, reminding herself Symone’s hands aren’t an attacker’s hands.

“Yep,” Symone says. “About damn time. I’ve been trying for years, but sometimes people aren’t ready for real talent, you know?”

Denali laughs despite herself.

“I hope so,” Rosé says. “Because no offense, Symone, if you want me to wear another coal miner outfit, I’ll go out there naked.”

Denali’s cheeks are on fire, brain short-circuiting at the image of Rosé’s words.

Symone just laughs. “Well, as fun as that might be, I’d never put you in something that ugly. I’m breaking the rules a little this year.”

“What do you mean?” Denali asks.

“I think the outfits should be less about the district and more about you, since this year’s Games are about the victors. Let the Capitol see not just where you’re from, but who you are.”

Where she’s from is who Denali is--the coal dust coating everything in town; the hungry eyes of nearly everyone she passes; the harsh winters burrowing in raggedy blankets--but she gets what Symone is saying. Instead of being another faceless statistic from a district the Capitol owns, let them see Denali and everything she is.

“What did you have in mind?”

Symone almost drops her sketchbook in excitement. “Well, you both had animal nicknames in the Games, did you notice? The Lion and the Fox. I want to play with that, do some animal-inspired stuff to reference your history and present you as a union. One, instead of two.”

Denali meets Rosé’s eyes. It’s almost eerie how it worked out, how easy it’ll be to present themselves as a pair in Symone’s outfits. Like it was meant to be.

“Do you not like the idea?” Symone asks in worry, mistaking their silence.

“No, I love it! It’s brilliant, Symone,” Rosé says quickly. She’s such a big sister, Denali thinks fondly. She always praised Jan and Lagoona for their drawings no matter how hideous they were. Symone’s sketches, though, are some of the most beautiful things Denali’s seen, and she has no trouble nodding her approval.

“Great.” Symone beams. “I have samples for you to try on, to test colors and stuff.”

Rosé goes first, disappearing behind a wooden screen and returning in a ruffly pink dress, arms twisting all over to find the zipper among the ruffles.

“I got it,” Denali says. She pulls the zipper, not breathing as her hand runs up the curve of Rosé’s spine, letting her touch linger.

Symone shifts ruffles aside and takes more measurements, continuing as Rosé tries on dress after dress, with sequins and stripes and even more ruffles.

“Do a spin!” Denali says.

Rosé rolls her eyes, but she does, her red hair waving behind her as she twirls.

“Faster!”

Rosé laughs and keeps going until she stumbles, and Denali doesn’t even think before reaching out to catch her, running her hands up and down Rosé’s sides.

“Thanks.”

“No problem,” Denali stammers as Rosé retreats behind the screen.

“This should be illegal,” Rosé mutters, emerging in a hot-pink zebra dress with matching hat.

Denali can’t resist her laughter. “You look like Manila!”

“Shit, Denali, don’t tell me that. Let me pretend it’s not that bad.”

“Trust the process, darling!” Symone says grandly.

“Easy for you to say,” Rosé grumbles.

Denali laughs again.

“Just wait, Denali. It’s your turn, and I can’t wait to call you Manila.” Rosé’s smirk is too adorable for Denali to care about what’s coming.

Sure enough, Denali’s paraded behind the screen and given a bundle of clothes. There’s a neon nightmare, with green pants and a yellow shirt, plus a glittery orange jacket with puffy sleeves. Rosé laughs and teases her and frees her from a skin-tight red dress, and Denali gives in to it. The Games are days away, and who knows if she’ll have fun like this again. It’s nice to have her biggest worry be dresses, and she finds herself striking ridiculous poses to hear Rosé laugh and see her smile. It’s been years since they've laughed or smiled this much, and Denali’s going to treasure each one.

Symone ushers them into a group hug, and Denali can’t believe how good it feels, arms intertwined, warm bodies pressed together. She’s really missed hugs all this time on her own.

“You two are perfect,” Symone says. “With my outfits, you’ll be the talk of the Capitol.”

“As long as there’s no zebra print,” Rosé says, and Denali spends the day wishing she could hug her again.

---

The days go too fast.

Rosé hates this place, but now she’d give anything to stay at the Training Center, working out and eating with Denali, rather than go to the arena. She feels like a kid dreading being dragged back to school after summer vacation. She’s been talking to Denali more, bantering back and forth, and she’s starting to like it. But this, like summer, has to end.

They prowl around the training room every day, getting stronger, faster, better. When Denali hisses for Rosé to watch her, make the contestants see how in love they are, the command is useless. Because Rosé already can’t look away from her arms pulling the bowstring taut, how she nods to herself as she aims and lets the arrow fly, a bull’s-eye in each target. Her cheer and hug are genuine, and she revels in the surprised looks on the tributes’ faces.

They eat together every day, passing food back and forth for each other to try, working their way down the menu. Denali laughs until she cries after tricking Rosé into eating chicken in a sauce so spicy Rosé gulps down a gallon of water, and Rosé gets revenge by telling Denali to press a shower button that produces fruity bubbles, bursting into laughter when Denali shows up to breakfast smelling like a perfume store exploded on her.

And it continues, day after day, until other tributes watch them in envy, until Rosé doesn’t have to tell Denali to fake laugh at something she said, because she trusts Denali enough to say it, and Denali likes it enough to laugh.

---

The first sign of the end is their private sessions with the Gamemakers, where they show their skills and get a score. The score doesn’t mean much--people average in the sixes, and a lot purposely act mediocre to fly under the radar. The arena is a great equalizer, and Rosé’s seen tributes score a nine and die the first day. She won with a score of seven. Part of her wants to beat that score now. Plus, with her and Denali playing the romance angle, all eyes will be on them anyway. What’s the harm in Rosé showing off, getting a high score that reinforces how good she is?

There’s no point appearing weak on purpose, and Rosé enters the training room confidently. A dozen Gamemakers have a long table set up on the track, food spread from end to end, forks in hand.

“Sorry to interrupt lunch,” Rosé calls to them. “Think you could make me a take-out box?”

The group jumps, and Rosé snorts when one woman spills wine on herself.

“Go ahead,” a man says, his gaze on the basket of rolls.

Rosé sighs, and she takes the anger boiling in her and uses it like Denali said. She annihilates a training dummy with her sword, then grabs three knives and makes three bulls-eye’s on the wall target. She does the same with three spears, the little red circle not even visible around her accuracy.

The same man dismisses her, and Rosé leaves without another word, annoyed and clueless on what her score will be.

Denali paces the hall outside. She looks expectantly at Rosé, who shrugs.

“They’re having lunch,” Rosé says. “They barely paid attention. But you make them pay attention, okay? I believe in you. Good luck.”

Denali smiles and heads in. Rosé can’t hear anything, but Denali comes out much faster than she did, breathing sharply.

“I fucked up,” Denali says, pacing circles and wringing her hands. “Shit, I fucked up.”

“I’m sure it wasn’t that bad,” Rosé soothes. “What happened?”

Denali mumbles something that sounds like shot an arrow at the Gamemakers.

Rosé blinks. “Did you say you shot an arrow at the Gamemakers?”

Denali hums miserably.

“What happened?”

Denali huffs, coming to a stop. “They weren’t paying attention! Someone brought out a roast pig, and they were literally slicing it while I practiced. So I took an arrow and shot the apple out of the pig’s mouth.”

Rosé bursts into laughter. “That’s so badass!”

“No!” Denali shakes her head, and Rosé sees fear in her eyes. “Rosé, I’m sorry. They’re probably gonna punish you because of me and make things extra miserable for us in the arena.”

“Like they aren’t gonna do that already?” Rosé asks, and Denali cracks a smile. Rosé’s touched that she’s Denali’s first concern, but she won’t let her worry. “Look, it’s fine. They’re supposed to watch you, and they didn’t. That’s on them. I’m not worried, Denali. It’ll be okay.”

Denali nods.

“How did they react?” Rosé asks, because Denali needs more cheering up, more reassurance that she hasn’t done any harm.

“Well, one lady dropped her wine glass. One guy spit out his roll. Another actually screamed and tipped over in his chair.” Denali cackles, and Rosé joins her, laughing until their stomachs hurt. It really is okay.

And when they each receive scores of ten that night, Rosé believes it.

---

Denali’s gotten so used to training that she could pretend the Games weren’t coming. Until it's interview day, with the Games the next morning. The countdown is officially at hours instead of days, and her stomach churns like waves.

She grunts her way through the prep, a trio of people waxing her and fixing her nails, like preparing a doll for the Capitol children. At least it keeps her mind off things. Like how Rosé feels like a friend again, like when Denali and Jan and Lagoona would run up to her after school, babbling about a million things and begging for gossip on the older kids. Like how they both earned the highest tribute scores, labelling them as threats, and how Denali almost likes being seen as a threat. Like how tonight, they’re going to confirm their ‘relationship’ on live television. There’s no turning back, and she almost wishes Rosé was here instead of in her own prep room. At least Denali wouldn’t feel as alone. It’s strange how quickly she’s come to enjoy talking with Rosé again, when they’ve barely talked all their years as mentors, everything they share just too wide a bridge to cross. But they’ve crossed it now, and having Rosé again was worth the journey.

Symone runs in, a beautiful turquoise dress flowing behind her, and helps Denali into her outfit. It’s softer on her skin than the scratchy burlap she’d worn eleven years ago, and Denali hopefully peeks in the mirror.

She’s gorgeous.

The dress is long and white, made of tiny strands of fabric that reflect the light and twinkle in every color of the rainbow, like sun bouncing off gleaming snow. Like the fur of a white fox.

“Do you like it?” Symone asks.

“Holy shit,” Denali mutters, and it’s answer enough.

“I’m gonna get Rosé,” Symone says, but Denali hardly hears her. She can’t look away from how beautiful she looks, with her dress and pale blue eyeshadow and her hair in its familiar braid. She’s the Fox.

And Rosé is the Lion.

Denali gasps when she sees Rosé’s golden dress, the fabric shifting under the light and revealing soft tones of amber. The lion pin over her heart is a little too beat-up to shine, but it does anyway. She’s beautiful, beautiful in a way Denali can’t ignore anymore, beautiful in a way that Denali never wants to look away from again.

“You look amazing,” Rosé says, watching Denali with wondrous eyes.

“So do you.”

Symone hugs them, and they head to their chariot.

Denali hated this last time. Her fellow tribute was bigger than her, and they were stuffed into this thing, Denali crammed against the side trying not to fall out. And she was in a hideous coal miner outfit on top of it.

Tonight, she’s in control, and she's beautiful. The chariots pull through the City Circle one by one, past masses of people. It’s the biggest crowd Denali’s ever seen, a blur of color and cheers. The crowd is screaming when District 1 pulls out, and they don’t let up for District 12. People are already rooting for them, and it’s so bright, so loud. Almost too much. Rosé stiffens beside her and Denali knows she’s thinking the same thing. But they have to do this. Denali squeezes Rosé’s hand, the touch easing the ringing in her ears.

“Don’t let go of me,” Denali whispers.

Rosé doesn’t.

---

After the chariots, they’re lined up by the stage. District 12 is last of course, and Denali has to listen to 22 other tributes be charming and witty and lovely. Nina West, the Capitol interviewer, is unavoidable in a rainbow dress, and Denali winces against its brightness. She wishes a quiet good luck to Rosé before she takes the stage.

Rosé waltzes on stage with the spin Denali made her do in the dressing room and becomes a star in an instant, joking about how the Capitol just had to have her back, about how she still presses the wrong shower buttons and filled the room with bubbles last night, and everyone rolls with laughter. But when Nina’s face turns serious, Denali knows the tide has turned.

“Now, you volunteered for your sister last time.”

“Right,” Rosé says quietly, and Denali remembers her saying that she didn’t want anyone using Jan against her.

“I see you’re wearing her pin again.”

Rosé nods. “I gave it to her as a birthday gift when she was a kid. When I said goodbye, she gave it to me and made me promise to bring it home to her. To me, it’s...it’s a symbol of love and home.”

It’s quiet enough to hear a pin drop. People volunteering like Rosé is extremely rare. Denali remembers how people back home had whispered about her last time. Some people called her selfish, said she was the oldest daughter and shouldn’t have left her parents. Some said she was an idiot and should have sent her sister to the Games, a pig to the slaughter, and counted herself lucky that she was spared. But many people, Denali included, thought that Rosé was brave, almost certainly saving her sister’s life even at the risk of her own. A kind of brave, a kind of love, that you don’t see much anymore. Everyone in the Capitol held the same belief, and it was why they loved her so much, in awe of her devotion and kindness. Why they love her still, if the adoring gazes are any indication.

“And did you make the same promise this time?” Nina asks.

“I did.”

Nina nods solemnly. “It’s wonderful to hear about your family.” Her smile is genuine, and Denali wonders how someone so nice ended up doing this. “While we're on the subject, is there anyone special back home?”

Denali holds her breath. This is it, practically served on a platter. All Rosé has to do is take it.

And boy, does she.

She smiles mischievously, fixing her hair while the audience holds their breath, wondering if she’s taken or if they somehow have a chance with her.

“Well, Nina, I do have someone. Except she’s not home.”

Nina’s eyes light up. “Are you saying--”

Rosé nods. “Yes. The woman I love came here with me.”

People actually scream. Some gasp, some cheer, while Nina tries to hush them and ask Rosé more questions. Even Denali smiles in surprise and she knows the camera catches it. Rosé is every inch the lovestruck woman she needs to be, and Denali listens as she explains how they’d gotten together.

“Denali was like a little sister to me, you know? She was best friends with my sister Jan, and they were always following me around. Little terrors,” she jokes, and the audience laughs. “She was always so funny, so strong and brave. I saw that firsthand when I mentored her. She’s amazing, isn’t she? Everything she does with her bow--I’d poke my eye out.” Another laugh, more smiles. Rosé’s face softens as she continues. “We lived nearby after the Games, but I always kept my feelings secret. I was just too afraid to tell her. But after the Quell, I had to. We stayed awake all night on the train here, and I finally told her. We agreed to work together for the Games, and Denali...she gives me a lot of hope going into them.”

The crowd is on their feet, clamoring for more, but they’re past the time limit, and Rosé exits to applause that goes on for over a minute.

By the time Denali takes the stage, they’re absolutely rabid. Nina asks her basic questions first, stringing things along and making everyone wait. Denali has no idea what she answers, because she’s still reeling from Rosé’s interview, goosebumps on her arms at how much Rosé admires her. She sounded so genuine. Someone hopelessly in love and afraid to confess her feelings, finally doing so in the face of danger. It didn’t happen, there was no love confession on the train, but Denali almost feels like there was, because Rosé made it that real. But this is just a game; she can’t forget that, no matter how in love Rosé seemed. They’re just friends.

“Now, I have to ask what we’re all waiting for.” Nina’s cheerful voice cuts through her thoughts. “Tell us about you and Rosé!”

Denali puts on a smile. “Well, like she said, me and her sisters followed her around all the time. We probably were little terrors.” Nina smiles, and the crowd follows. “I always admired her. I watched her Games all day and night, because I just had to see her win,” Denali says, heart tingling at the memory of her joy when Rosé won. “And then I had her as a mentor, and she helped me so much, with whatever I needed. She never gave up on me, and that respect and awe I had for her turned to love over the years. I didn’t know she felt the same way.”

The words feel real, simple and close enough to the truth to be believable. Denali smiles and bats her eyelashes, a woman in love. Nothing is a lie except for the love part, and Denali could leave it at that, but a memory pops into her head. One to really seal the deal, a thought she hates an instant later, because Rosé is her friend, not just some pawn.

“When I was eleven, my father got hurt. He was fine, but he was out of work for a few weeks, and things were...hard. I was really upset. And Rosé—I don’t even know if she remembers this—she stuck a cookie in my bag every day on the way to school. Just to help me feel a little better. She never brought it up, never wanted attention or thanks for it. She just wanted to help.”

Denali swallows as the audience awws. The camera is surely panning to Rosé, but Denali can’t look at her. The memory hit harder than she expected. She never lets herself remember it, because she hates even acknowledging that she’d needed charity. But it was never like that with Rosé. She never made it seem like charity, never wanted power over Denali by helping her. Rosé just wanted to help. She’s the only person who ever helped Denali when she was a kid, and real tears prickle in her eyes.

“I never forgot that,” Denali continues. “It shows how kind and caring she is. That’s why I fell in love with her.”

Nina wipes her eyes. Everyone is yelling their names, clapping and blowing kisses, and Denali knows.

They’ve won this round.

Game, set, match.

---

Rosé can’t sleep.

It should come easy, after how well the interviews went, how beloved they’ve become overnight. Yet it’s 1am and sleep isn’t coming. She can’t spend another minute in this room, staring at the ceiling and suffocating under thousand-thread-count sheets. She heads to the common room on their floor, and she’s not the only one awake.

Denali’s on the couch, watching footage from her Games.

“Can’t sleep either?” Denali guesses, turning off the TV.

Rosé shakes her head. “Okay if I sit?”

Denali nods, and Rosé takes the end of the couch, afraid to breach the gap between them even if she wants to, wants to feel someone human near her before tomorrow. But they’re not on camera, and maybe Denali won’t want that.

“Does it get tiring?” Rosé asks suddenly.

“What?”

“Watching the Games over and over. Your workouts,” Rosé explains. She never talks about the Games--hell, until this year she’s never talked about anything big with Denali. But something is coming undone in Rosé tonight. Maybe the threat of tomorrow. Maybe how close she and Denali have become. Maybe how everything she said about Denali on stage is lingering in her heart. Maybe how Denali remembered Rosé’s childish attempts to help her with cookies all those years ago, how Rosé’s heart warms at the memory. Whatever the reason, the words are flying out past everything Rosé uses to keep them inside.

“Does it get tiring trying to ignore it all?” Denali doesn’t sound mean, just curious.

“Yes,” Rosé says bluntly. “I just...wouldn’t know what else to do.”

She learned early on that the only way to get out of bed and function was to put all the thoughts and feelings and horrors of the Games deep inside herself, seal them tight, and pretend they weren’t there. They come back sometimes. In nightmares. In certain smells that take her back to the arena, muscles instantly clenching. In the time she got a papercut and was frozen in place when Lagoona found her, because of the blood, the blood. But for the most part, she has a handle on things. Living like Denali--going on runs, watching the footage, talking about it constantly--would just be inviting it in, breaking the seal on the memories. And that’s undoubtedly worse than Rosé’s method of dealing.

“It gets tiring for me too sometimes,” Denali admits, playing with the couch cushion. “I guess I’m trying to fight it. Like if I keep running, memorize the Games, then I’ll beat it and it can’t hurt me.”

“Does it work?”

Denali just shrugs.

“Sometimes I think they want us to forget,” Rosé says. She’s never voiced it to anyone, but she’s safe with Denali.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean …” Rosé tugs on her shirt, exposing her left shoulder. “In my Games, that boy’s axe got me here. I felt it, Denali. My shoulder was torn open, the blood was everywhere. I woke up in the hospital without a mark on me.”

“My knee too,” Denali says quietly. “I saw the bone when it happened, and now there’s nothing. Like it never happened. It just gets stiff sometimes.”

“It’s like the Capitol wants us to fear the Games, but forget how bad they were. They erase the scars and give us nice houses and expect us to be grateful. Perfect little victors,” Rosé spits. There’s an anger there she usually ignores, the deep hurt of the Capitol parading her around as a victor but not actually caring about her.

“I think it’s another way to control us,” Denali says. “Who’s gonna speak out against them when they fixed us up and gave us a nice house with heat and indoor plumbing, y’know?”

Rosé nods. “I guess I just want—“

“You want a life they don’t own. A life that’s yours,” Denali guesses. A guess that flies out so easily because it’s something she wants herself, something no one else understands. When Rosé left for the Games, Denali was still young enough to have that wish. She had the freedom to not know what she wanted to be when she was older. No one dreams of becoming a Hunger Games victor.

But somehow they both did.

“Yeah.” Rosé sighs. It’s something she never really lets herself imagine—a normal life with her family, with easy sleep and no Capitol obligations—but something she longs for just the same. And Denali understands. Rosé wonders if it could’ve been like this all the time if she had the courage to talk to her.

“Are you scared?” Denali asks suddenly.

“Fuck, how could I not be?” Rosé mutters, her honesty continuing. “I mean, I’m scared to go back, sure, but…but I’m also scared that if I come out, I might not be me anymore. I don’t want the Games to make me something I don’t want to be.” She doesn’t know how to explain it, only that she doesn’t want to lose herself to the Games, to what she might have to do. She never wants to become so soaked with blood that she can’t recognize herself.

Denali nods. “You still want to be you at the end. Not just a piece of the Games.”

The words strike Rosé’s heart like she thought them herself. “Yes.”

“It scares me too.”

It shouldn’t do anything. It’s just a simple confirmation that they feel the same way, recognize something in each other. But it proves to Rosé that she’s not alone, that someone understands her, and after she and Denali say goodnight around two, she falls asleep easily.

---

The sun dawns bright the morning of the Games.

Denali moves in a daze, stomach knotting over a silent breakfast with Rosé.

She needs to focus. She needs to let go of last night, of how real Rosé’s love seemed, of how she let her guard down and talked with her, of how close they’ve gotten. This is a game, and it’s about to start. Time seems to malfunction, and one minute she’s picking at her food and the next Manila’s leading them to the launch room. This is it.

Denali’s heart pounds as they get ready. She’s in all black--boots, pants, shirt, and jacket--and Rosé is dressed the same. Her lion pin roars on her jacket, while Denali has her mother’s necklace. She hopes it protects her.

Manila dabs her tears with a bumblebee handkerchief, and Denali would roll her eyes, but she’s pretty sure it’s genuine.

“Remember,” Rosé says hoarsely, “we get our weapons and run.”

Denali nods as they step on the plates that take them to the arena. Denali closes her eyes as the platform shoots up, her head spinning as she tries to breathe. Everything stops, and the announcer’s voice declares the 75th Hunger Games have begun.

Denali opens her eyes.

[themonotonysyndrome]

The Holy Quintet in Twisted Wonderland! (all 7 dorms - Part 3)

This is Sayaka’s reaction to the other dorms! Apologies for the delay. RL and work are starting to get real hectic again. Also, a big shoutout to @lionheartanotheraccount​ for brainstorming with me over at Discord and help me out a lot at fleshing this crossover. If any of you guys want to just talk and have fun about this crossover series, I’m more than happy to talk over at Discord!

Anyway, hope you guys enjoyed Sayaka’s reaction! 

-

Miki Sayaka & the other dorms (except Heartslabyul)

SAVANACLAW!

Sometimes when the gang needed to lay-low from Riddle’s anger, Sayaka, Ace and Deuce would hang out at the Savanaclaw dorm until curfew. Or until Cater and Trey come to pick them if they’re too loud and rowdy that Leona had to call the Heartslabyul seniors to deal with them. 

Kyouko lets them chill in her room only if each of them bring a tribute (food or drinks) for her and then the four of them would spend hours playing and goofing off. 

Jack would join them after his workouts or if he doesn’t have to help Ruggie attend Leona. The wolf boy helps restrain the four of them from doing anything too stupid or crazy most of the time (and if he can’t, he’ll begrudgingly help hide the evidences).

Sayaka’s personal favourite place to hang out at the Savanaclaw dorm is their lounge because of the small waterfall and pool of water, with some greeneries and tall cool shades scattered around. Perfect to laze about after a hard day of classes.

At first, the Savanaclaw students that often hang around the lounge felt restless at having an interloper intruding their territory. It’s only after Sayaka learn to be respectful and know her place as an outsider that they were comfortable with her. It helps that the boys of Savanaclaw dorm know just how close the Heartslabyul Knight is to their Savanaclaw Brawler. 

Sayaka is just tomboyish enough that she reminds Jack of his littlest sister. Small yet always hard-working and spunky. Always trying her best, whether in classes or her magical training. Jack admires her for that. 

Ruggie knows that nothing but shenanigans await him whenever he sees Sayaka bring Ace and Deuce to Kyouko. He finds her knight-like personalities amusing as more often than not, she seems to attract trouble. But after seeing her swordmanship and how she uses the water around her to fight, Ruggie suppose she’s often get out of trouble easily as she got into them. He could only hope that she won’t join Kyouko in trashing their stadium. Kyouko alone does tons of damage during her fits of anger.

Loud and noisy herbivore. That’s what Leona think of Sayaka. Sure she’s cute and all and could hold her ground against Kyouko (and probably a few of the Savanaclaw students to boot) in a fight, but the moment she starts sprouting her reason for fighting (to fight for the weak, for justice and etc), Leona just tunes her out. 

When he laid it to her of the old and true principle of the wild - how the strong would always devour the weak - Sayaka’s reaction took him by surprise. He thought that the girl would bristle, argued back, but she was genuinely stunned before smiling fondly.

“Ne, I thought you were kinda of a jerk, Kingscholar-senpai. Always bully Bucchi-senpai, making him run after you. But you know what? I think I want to get to know you a lot more! So let’s hang out, Kingscholar-senpai!”

That... that did not go what Leona thought their conversation would.

From that day onwards, Sayaka would ‘annoyed’ Leona whenever she sees him. Calling and waving at him from across the courtyard, sitting beside him in the greenhouse when he’s trying to nap and etc. The best part is, no matter how hard Leona tries to chase her away, she would run with a stupid and happy grin on her face and come back the next day. Ruggie snickers but there was nothing that they could do about it. 

In the end, Leona just lets her do whatever she wants. Just don’t bother him while he’s napping.   

(Oh Leona, Kyouko sprout the same bullshit to Sayaka when they first met. And look where they are now! So be prepared to be tackled by a rumbustious Sayaka from now).

(Now Sayaka and Cheka will do their best to smother our poor lion boi with hugs. Leona does not appreciate this).   

OCTAVINELLE!

The students that captivated Sayaka the most at NRC are actually those from Octavinelle. Her eyes shine in awe and delight when she saw a group of mermen for the first time ever during Swim practise.

(At this point, each girls already joined a club and for some reason that she couldn’t explain, Sayaka was drawn to the Swimming Club. That’s where she meet many Octavinelle students).

The way how they transform from human to their true form as soon as they hit the pool took her breath away. Their beautiful tails mesmerised her as they swim laps around the large pool. 

(Homura looks constipated whenever Sayaka gushes about mermaids and etc, but Sayaka knows better than to ask what’s her deal is. She knows that the other girl would just shut her mouth if she asked anyway).  

Despite her Heartslabyul seniors warned her about the Dorm Leader and Vice Dorm Leader of Octavinelle (and a wild twin brother), Sayaka really wanted to see the inside of Octavinelle. She heard that their dorm is actually underwater!

She tried befriending some Octavinelle students, but with Ace and Deuce constantly at her sides, they tend to make a fuss or push them away; so what if the Octavinelle students can breathe underwater. They’re a lot cooler!

(Yes, these dumbasses would be jealous that Sayaka would want to befriend other boys not from their circle of first-year friends).  

Her club members find her fascination with them adorable. She’s earnest with her questions, eager to learn about their cultures and the feelings would soon turn mutual. 

At first, when Sayaka proved to not only them and herself that she could easily keep up with them underwater even when they’re in their true form, the Octavinelle students were surprised.  

Slowly, Sayaka and the rest of the club members discover that she can also breathe underwater without the use of a potion when they were going through multiple laps in the pool! The guys were very eager to help her discover what else she could she do that involves water. Nessless to day that Sayaka is having a lot of fun in her club. 

As her club members help her discover the extent of what her magic could do, rumours began to circulating around NRC that one of the girls is actually a mermaid. Heck, she could even fight using her swords underwater without a problem! The rumours soon reach the mermafia. 

It was easy to figured out which girl that everyone is talking about since only one of them are in the Swimming Club. 

Azul wanted to know if Sayaka’s Unique Magic involves the sea and water and if she could actually transform into a mermaid without using a potion. Perhaps that’s her Unique Magic. So he sends out the Leech Twins to befriend her. 

Jade and Floyd approach her in the cafeteria while she was having lunch with Ace and Deuce. The two boys were immediately on guard when they sat down and boxed Sayaka between them. Jade broke the ice by telling her that they’re merfolks and heard her interest in learning more about life under the sea and the cultures of merfolks; he’s happy to teach her all he knows. Floyd sweeten his twin brother’s offer by inviting her to the Coral Sea so they could show her around. Sayaka didn’t hesitate to accept their offer, despite Ace and Deuce strongly tells her not to.

One day after they made the offer, the Leech Twins invite Sayaka to their dorm lounge where the three of them talk for hours (Sayaka it at awe over the decor of the dorm). Eventually, Azul join in on the conversation. Don’t worry, Ace and Deuce are there with her. Honestly, they grow bored of the conversation after 15 minutes, but they remain and did not interrrupt because Sayaka was having fun learning about the merfolks. 

When they exhaust the conversation, Azul explains with a welcoming smile that now they indulge in her curiosity and questions, would Sayaka please do the same for them? It’s fair, after all. 

It is only fair, Sayaka thinks. The guys have been very patience with her inquiries and Jade even made sure to always supply them with snacks and drinks throughout their conversation, so sure! Ask away!

They let Floyd ask first: this boy wanted to know if he and Sayaka can have a swimming race. Winner can squeeze the loser as long as they want. Thinking that squeeze = friendly hugs, Sayaka easily agreed.

The mermafia started off by asking easy questions first; what is her world like? Doesn’t it have creatures other than humans? Then they will start asking her about her life as a Magical Girl: How did she become a Magical Girl? Oh, she made a wish and for it to be granted, she needed to be a Magical Girl and fight Witches? That sounds interesting! Do tell them more. 

It’s Ace who actually felt uncomfortable with Sayaka telling the mermafia about her magic and stuff. So while the mermafia and her are busy talking, Ace texted Kyouko. He told her where they are right now and what they were doing. 

Sayaka was just about to explain what she knows about Soul Gems (and thank goodness that it isn’t a lot), when Kyouko suddenly calls her. She put her phone on mute and was about to continue with the conversation, but Kyouko insist in blowing up her phone until she picks up her call. 

The mermafia could do nothing but wait for Sayaka to wrap up her call. Kyouko call and ask her and Adeuce to meet up with her at Savanaclaw. Right now. It’s important. 

So with a heavy heart, Sayaka informed the mermafia that they have to go now. If they linger, Kyouko would definitely come to Octavinelle dorm. Azul knows that the Savanaclaw Brawler must’ve caught wind that Sayaka is with them right now so is trying to interfere. So he has to begrudgingly let her and her friend go, but he wasn’t too upset. Since they already became friends and establish a good rapport with her, Azul is certain that he can always ask her about her magic next time. Maybe when she’s alone. 

SCARABIA! 

After a particularly gruelling exam, Sayaka is in need for some serious heavy-duty distraction from stressing out over her grades and results. No matter how much Madoka tried to console her, Sayaka just can’t turn her anxiety off.  

So Kalim’s invitation to his upcoming party come just at the right time! Not only that, he also invited all of her friends too so she’s looking forward to having fun with everyone. 

(She’s not looking forward to mingled with Homura, though. She knows that the other girl would be there since the party will be at Scarabia but she’s not going to let Homura spoil her fun).

Sayaka is just giddy with excitement until the day of the party finally arrives. When she, Ace and Deuce appear at Scarabia for the first time, it takes them some time to get used to the hot weather and wind. Her eyes widen when nearly everyone in NRC have come for the party!

Madoka came with her Diasomnia group (she made sure to personally bring Kalim’s invitation and handed it to Malleus so he’s there with them. It’s hard to tell, but Malleus is very happy to be included for once). Kyouko with Leona, Ruggie and Jack (Leona got his ass up for once since Kalim’s feasts and banquets are something you can’t ever missed out on). Mami was accompined by the Pomefiore trio (Vil wants the first-year students to practise their etiquette and dining manners during parties and Rook never passed out on the opportunity to observe the Savanaclaw and Octavinelle students in a relaxed environment while their guards are down). 

Even the Heartslabyul seniors later made their appearance. Soon enough, Cater is fluttering about, taking pictures of the food and drinks, decoration, students dancing and roped many people in for his selfies. Trey is sampling desserts from the Land of Hot Sands with a thoughtful expression; probably planning to try baking new desserts later. Riddle is there at a much quitter corner, talking to Vil. Both of them are sipping on the local teas from the Land of Hot Sands. 

Food and drinks laden the tables in abundance. Music blared from everywhere, studens dance to the tune and their friends cheer them on. After having her fill of delicious food and sweet juice drinks, Sayaka couldn’t help but join in on the dance floor. 

Kalim later join in too and uses his Oasis Maker to shower them all. Sayaka dances and manipulate the water, unintentionally creating a water show. This excites Kalim and he dances along with her. it was a spectacular sight and everyone loved it. She and Kalim were a sight to behold! Cater is snapping pictures and recording their dance for the internet to see. 

The party continues to the evening but at this point, students are slowly trickling out; thanking Kalim and Jamil for such amazing party right after the exam. Looks like not just Sayaka needed something to melt the tension away. Madoka was the first one to leave with her dorm members (they’re planning to have a picnic in the morning and Sayaka and the rest are more than welcome to join), then it’s Kyouko with her Savanaclaw members (Leona sacrifice his nap for the party so he’s in some serious neep for some long hours of dozing) and soon after, Mami also left (the Pomefiore students need to head back to start their nightly skincare routine. Vil made sure none of his dorm students is left behind). 

Throughout the party, Homura did made herself known. She sticks close by to Madoka but otherwise didn’t join in on their conversation too much and let the pink-haired girl mingle around with the rest of the students. It was a surprise to Sayaka that Homura didn’t watch over Madoka lika a hawk. 

When Sayaka rejoin Ace and Deuce at the dining table, she spotted Homura talking to Kalim. Kalim had a big smile on his face but when she blinks, Homura vanishes and Kalim is left looking astound but then just scratch his head, clearly surprise that he’s suddenly is left standing alone. Sayaka would not stand for it. So she decide to eat later and console the Dorm Leader. 

“Hey, don’t be sad, alright Al-Asim-san? Homura can be a real jerk and leave you hanging just like that. Even after you invite her to your party, too...” 

“Eh?”

Kalim is suddenly taken aback at Sayaka’s harsh words. He wasn’t expecting for Sayaka to walk up to him like that. 

Sayaka was actually trying to comfort Kalim but what she didn’t realise is that she nonchalantly and absentmindedly bad mouthed Homura in the process. And this was something that displeased Kalim.

Kalim then interrupted her; a rare frown on his face. He didn’t raise his voice, but ask Sayaka to stop insulting Homura. Before Sayaka could recover from her shock, Kalim went on to tell her that Homura is actually a nice girl but is having trouble expression herself and that there’s more to her than what she shows. While Kalim is on a tirade, clearly defensive over his dorm mate, Sayaka didn’t expect for him to feel so strongly over her. 

Kalim explains that Homura actually help them out a lot in the kitchen and other preparations for the party. She even uses her magic to cut the entire process short, so the other Scarabia students wouldn’t have to spend so much time getting ready. Kalim readily admitted that he doesn’t exactly know how she does it, but the fact that she help Jamil and the rest without even asked already tells him everything he needs about her and to Kalim? That’s enough. And beside, she had came up to him to be excuse before vanshing.  

Jamil smoothly join them (he was lingering nearby, instructing the other Scarabia students to begin cleaning up when he saw Kalim’s frown and that set him on alert) and addressed Kalim first. There was still some leftover food in the kitchen and he needs him to decide whether they put them away in the pantry or wrapped up the food to give them to the other dorms as gifts. Kalim snap to attention, smiling once more and went off to do as Jamil told him to. His previous frown already gone. 

After the Dorm Leader left, Jamil broke Sayaka out of her stupor. Quietly, he made it clear whatever beef Sayaka has with Homura is none of his business. But as a Vice Dorm Leader and as someone who knows how it feel to be judge by ignorant people just because of their Unique Magic, Jamil chatise Sayaka for being being ignorant. One that he wouldn’t tolerate if she was his friend. If Sayaka treated him like how she treats Homura, then he will make sure that Sayaka will regret it and that she should be thankful that Homura is not like him. And with that, he left the girl alone with her thoughts. 

Sayaka shivers at Jamil’s threat. His words plant the seed of doubts in her. Is Homura truly more than she seems? She’s silent when Riddle called for his dorm mates to follow him back to their place and throughout the night, Sayaka found herself unable to sleep because of what just happened.

All in all, the Scarabia duo intrigued her. Kalim and Jamil relationship dynamic is an odd one (Sayaka could see the similarity to Homura and Madoka friendship and that just weirded her out) but since Kalim harbour no ill feelings towards Sayaka after the party and Sayaka made sure to apologise to him for bad mouthing his dorm mate, these two actually get along. She, Kalim and Silver are the airheaded trio, much to the exasperation of Jamil. 

Jamil does not consider Sayaka a friend, but tolerates her presence whenever she’s around Kalim and Sayaka is alright with that. She doesn’t think she could ever truly get used to someone like him and Homura. However, Jamil’s words (and threat) made her see Homura in a different light from that day onwards. Their relationship is still cold but her suspicion on Homura is lessen.     

Kalim thinks that Sayaka is a kind hearted and amazing girl. He really enjoys dancing with her and despite how she insulted Homura, Kalim knew that she was just thinking of him. Wanting to make him feel better. It’s just a simple misunderstanding that’s all.     

POMEFIORE!

Sayaka has no idea what she had unleash when she dances with Kalim under the shower of Oasis Maker during his party. 

Not only did she and Kalim gain instant popularity in the world of the internet and wowed the students that attended the party with their watershow, their dance remain in the thoughts of a particular Dorm Leader who was looking for inspirations for his next fashion show. 

So a few days after the party, Vil instruct Rook to capture Sayaka and bring her to him. Rook happily comply for his Queen. 

It’s a Sunday afternoon and Sayaka - along with a couple of Heartslabyul NPCs - are tasked with trimming the rose hedges in the maze. Ace and Deuce had their own chores to do for the day with feeding the colourful hedgehogs and pink flamingoes. 

(Even from the rose maze, Sayaka could hear Ace and Deuce shrieking from the distance and decided that nope. Not her problem this time.)

While she was doing the finishing touches and her dorm mates are watering the greenery, Rook suddenly pop out from behind the green wall she was attending. Needless to say that his sudden appearance made her scream. Hers are louder than Ace and Deuce’s. 

Rook simply smile in amusement at her reaction. While Sayaka is desperately trying to calm her frighten and racing heart, he tips his hat and introduces himself as Pomefiore’s Vice Dorm Leader and an extrodionary hunter. He also unabashedly added that he also sees himself as Mami’s older brother. 

That got Sayaka’s attention real quick. 

This Magical Girl wanted to know just what kind of person that Mami would look up to as her older brother. Prey now baited, Rook kept his smile and told her that if she’s curious about him - just as much as he is curious about her - why don’t she follow him to Pomefiore? 

(Oh Sayaka, you need to learn not to follow handsome boys to their place without knowing their true intentions. Ace and Deuce are gonna tear their hair out in frustration because of your ignorance).

When Sayaka agreed to follow him to Pomefiore since she’s done with her chores for the day, Rook decided to be a little extra. With a beaming smile, he scoop her up in his arms and chuckles when Sayaka immediately blushes. He ignored the other Heartslabyul students shouting at him to put their Knight down and leap off towards his dorm. 

Sayaka felt like she was being carried by a tornado - albeit a gentle, handsome and charming tornado - when he finally put her back onto the ground as soon as they’re inside of Pomefiore. Her blush remains when Rook asks her if she’s alright. Never before had a boy ever treated her as if she was a princess. She prays that her heart remain strong if all the boys in Pomefiore are as prince-like as Rook. 

“Ah, as expected of you Rook. You’ve brought Riddle’s Knight to me in perfect condition. Good job.”

“I always strive to live up to your expectation, my Roi de Poison”

 There, waiting for them at the dorm lounge is Vil and Mami. Mami smile and greeted Sayaka, but since this is the first time that Sayaka witness Vil in all his glory and dorm uniform, she could only gape at the sight of the most beautiful man that she has ever seen. 

Vil was not amused at her gawking like a goldfish, though he acknowledge and praise Sayaka for knowing true beauty when she sees one. While Sayaka is trying to recover from her blunder and flustered so adorably, he ushered her and Rook to join him at the couch. Mami patted the empty space beside her and Rook handed Sayaka a tea cup and Vil began to explain why he wanted her here. 

Ever since Mami shown her Magical Girl dress to him and more and more of her friends are coming over to Pomefiore, Vil has been itching to put the girls on the runway with him. 

(Vil didn’t notice it, but the word ‘runway’ nearly had Sayaka choke on her tea).

Vil continue to explain to both Sayaka and Mami that he had use his connections and contacted several well-known fashion designers and is preparing for this season fashion show, fully expecting to have the girls well trained to walk on the runway with him. 

Sayaka felt like dying in the inside when the Dorm Leader showed them his sketch book. He had drawn Sayaka and the rest of the girls in various style of dressess and poses. Absolute gorgeous dressess, but Sayaka had never worn something as fancy as them! 

She interrupted him, stating that despite her magical girl outfit, she’s a bit of a tomboy and is rough around the edges (her fighthing style can be as brutal as Kyouko’s) so she can’t possible pull off those dresses! 

Vil scoffed and told her that he would trained her and the girls on how to walk and pose like a model. By the time the fashion show arrive, Sayaka would be as graceful as Mami. 

Seeing Sayaka’s distress increasing, Mami suggest to give her some time to get used to Vil’s proposal as she had never done something like this before. It’s only natural that Sayaka is apprehensive of it. 

(Bless Mami for shielding Sayaka from Vil’s attention. Rook is just smiling to himself throughout the conversation).

Soon enough, the Dorm Leader and Vice Dorm Leader of Pomefiore left the girls alone as they need to attend to their duties. Sayaka thanked Mami for covering her. Despite how Vil appear to be completely otherworldly at their first meeting, Mami explain to Sayaka that although Vil can be quite harsh on them, all he wants is his dorm mates to be the best that they can be. Sayaka find that she couldn’t fault that kind of wish.

However, when Epel barged into the dorm lounge, angry that Vil demanded that he return to Pomefiore since he deemed that Epel had been spending too much time at Savanaclaw, he made it very clear to Sayaka how he feel about his Dorm Leader. 

At the end of the day, Sayaka decide that despite how beautiful the students of Pomefiore are, having someone as Vil and Rook running the place suddenly makes Sayaka glad that Riddle and Trey are her Dorm Leader and Vice Dorm Leader. Despite the many rules of Heartslabyul, at least Riddle appreciate her effort in trying to keep up with them. Even when she mucks up half of the time. 

After their proper meeting and observing her with her friends, Vil actually finds Sayaka’s idealistinc worldview troublesome. She’s naive, reckless and can be blunt (but at least she’s not at Kalim’s level so Vil thinks there’s hope for her to be brought down to reality without too much of a heartache). He also finds her pretty and firmly believes that he can push her to be beautiful and powerful. He likens her to an unpolished sapphire that oddly reminded Vil of the clearest blue sea and that hides horror underneath. 

Rook actually always wanted to fight against a knight. A match between a hunter and a knight; he always wonder who would win. Fortunately for him, Sayaka humours his request for the occasional spar and is delighted to find that her fighting style is completely different from Mami. While Mami dances as she fight, Sayaka is direct, brutal and loves to throw multiple swords at him. His keen eyes once spotted that when the tip of his arrow graze her cheek and a line of blood trickle down, he merely blink once and the cut completely vanishes. By the end of the fight, Rook suspect that Sayaka’s magic might actually might involve healing. He can’t wait to observe her! 

As for Epel, he gets along with her (since they’re all in the same gang despite coming from different dorms) and admire how she uses her sword to fight. Epel is just happy that Mami, Sayaka and Kyouko are willing to help him get stronger. 

IGNIHYDE!   

Sayaka was walking back to Heartslabyul once her classes were done for the day when she spotted someone skulking around the hallways. Now, normally she wouldn’t really notice a random student walking through the hallways but what caught her attention is that his hair was on fire!

This girl literally shriek, drop her books and bag on the floor and rush like mad to save this poor student. 

Poor Idia Shroud shriek like a banshee when someone tackled him from behind, the both of them tumble onto the floor. He was manhandled and turned around so he could face the student who suddenly tackled him. Immediately his face turn red when it’s one of Homura’s friend. Not only that, it’s the Heartslabyul Knight herself. Idia bemoan internally; he knew he shouldn’t step out of his room today!

“Don’t worry, senpai! I’ll save you!”

“W-What!? Oh, please - g-get off me!” 

Idia’s pitiful pleas fall on deaf ears, however. Sayaka is too busy glaring at the blue flames on this student’s head. She transform the ring on her finger into her Soul Gem and thrust it to Idia’s hair. The Dorm Leader could only yelp and gurgled when he’s suddenly being assaulted by a stream of rushing water, nearly drowning him. 

10 minutes later, the aftermath of Sayaka’s ‘rescue’ attempt left an unconscious and bald Idia. Well, for about 5 seconds before blue flames blazes his head again. Cue Sayaka thrusting her Sould Gem to the flames again but this time, she was suddenly haul up and away from the prone Idia by Trey and Cater.     

The two Heartslabyul seniors was at the right time and place to catch their junior suddenly high-tail away from the path to their dorm and towards Idia. Without hesitating or even questioning it, they quickly ran after her. It’s too bad that they weren’t quick enough to stop Sayaka from dousing Idia with water though. 

Sayaka blink when she was suddenly haul away from Idia like a cat. When she tilt her head up to see that it was Trey looking so done with everything, she quickly said, “Clover-senpai! Clover-senpai, you have to let me go! That student is in danger! His head is on fire!” 

Trey would’ve facepalm if he could. So instead, he patiently reply, “That’s actually his hair, Miki-chan. He never was in any danger.” Well, until you attacked him, but Trey is kind enough not to say that out loud. 

“Huh?” 

Despite the absurdity of the situation, Cater laugh and snap a quick selfie of himself and the unconscious and wet Idia before assuring Trey that he’ll take Idia to the infirmary. 

As Sayaka, Trey and the rest of the students who were there to witnessed the spectacle, watch Cater dragged poor Idia off, Sayaka began to feel bad. So bad that her eyes began to watered a little. 

“I... I didn’t know. I didn’t know, Clover-senpai! I thought he was hurt! I - ”

“Hey, hey, calm down Miki-chan. I know you meant well. Once Idia-san wake up, how about you go visit him and apologise, hmm?” 

Sayaka eagerly nodded, loudly promising that she will do that as soon as Idia wakes up. 

(To Trey, this is just like that time when Riddle Overblotted. Good God, is this girl gung-ho about helping people. He would need to sit down with Sayaka and try to talk to her into not jumping into conclusions first later. For the sake of the other students).

After that incident, poor Idia is a little afraid of Sayaka (despite how sincere her apologies are) even when Homura casually informed him that among them, Miki Sayaka is the weakest. Well, that day when she tackled him to the ground, it sure didn’t feel that she was weak!   

Sayaka felt so bad that she would constantly barge into Ignihyde and ask if there’s anything she could do for Idia. She didn’t judge his hermit-style of living; she’s just too focus in making up to the Dorm Leader. In the end, Idia had her run errands for him (buying snacks, help him pass his notes to teachers and etc) just to get her to leave him and his dorm alone. 

It took a long time for Idia to finally warm up to Sayaka. Her cheerful disposition is just too much for him to handle sometimes. 

Ortho share the same wariness over Sayaka like his older brother. All he knows about her is the student who attacked his dear, older brother after all. Sayaka has her work cut out for her before the Shroud Brother could be comfortable with her. 

As for Sayaka, after she patched up with the Shroud Brothers, she finds his hair actually amazing. Not only does she and Idia share the same hair coloured but his are actual flames! So cool! Maybe she can do the same too? 

(Riddle sternly dissuade her from turning her hair into flames. Lighting your hair with fire is against the rule).

DIASOMNIA!  

Sayaka’s first interaction with the Diasomnia gang is during Alchemy class. On that day, her partner is Sebek Zigvolt. 

Their partnership started out fine. As Divus made his round in the lab, Sayaka steadily stir the potion in their cauldron while Sebek grab the require ingredients from the shelves. Everything started off alright. 

Until a misunderstood occur. Sebek didn’t actually insulted Madoka’s shy and timid nature but his words can be quite harsh and Sayaka took it wrongly. So she stop stirring to confront of him, it quickly turn into an argument and voices were raised. With their voices raised, Sebek and Sayaka failed to hear Divus’ shout of warning. 

They were too late to react when the cauldron somehow growl and then exploded the liquid all over Sebek, Sayaka and several students who were nearby. The consequences were immediate. Sebek and Sayaka’s voices are swampped and so of those who were caught in the crossfire. 

Class was forced to end early because the professor had to check over the students that were doused by Sayaka and Sebek’s half-baked potion for any injuries or hamrful side effects. So far only their voices were swapped with their partners. 

Then it’s detention for the two of them while Divus now have to brew an antidote. 

(When words reach to their respective Dorm Leaders, Riddle was not amused that Sayaka landed herself in detention over something as silly as an argument and negligence. Though detention with Divus Crewel is enough of a punishment, so Riddle won’t punish her. Malleus just blink when Lilia told him that rigid and proper Sebek has detention because of an argument during his Alchemy class. It’s rare for Sebek to land himself in detention, so Malleus didn’t chatise him. Just told him to be careful next time. Cue Sebek crying in gratitude over his kind and wise lord. His crying woke Silver up from his nap). 

Even though she shouldn’t, Madoka felt a little guilty that her friends has detention because of her. Lilia was quick to assure their Fairy that it’s totally not her fault. Sayaka and Sebek just had a bit too much fun that’s all!

Despite their initial meeting, the two actually bonded during detention (as punishment, they had to go into the woods to gather some herbs, flowers and other ingredients for Divus to replace the ones that were lost during the explosion). 

Since Sebek is a lot more familiar with the floral and fauna of TW, Sayaka was more than OK at listening to his instructions and Sayaka surprised Sebek when she easily slice the sturdy tree barks that they needed with her sword. Slowly, the two learn more and more about each other. 

(They’re too proud to apologise to one another though). 

By the time they return to the Alchemy lab, hauling the ingredients behind their back, Sebek thought for a human, he can respect Sayaka as a fellow knight. He’s looking forward to crossing blades with her and he won’t hold anything back. As for Sayaka, she admires his devotion to his Dorm Leader and how couldn’t she, when he’s so passionate about serving him. 

Through Sebek, Sayaka was then introduce to Silver and Lilia. There was a pair of white rabbits that were nibbling on some flowers at the courtyard and Sayaka followed them to Silver who was napping underneath a tree nearby. One of the rabbits placed a flower near his hair. Sayaka then realise that small animals were resting alongside him. Wanting to play with the animals, Sayaka made sure to be as quiet as possible as she petted the rabbits and chipmunks. Luckily they didn’t screech or bite her. In fact, they seem to tolerate her. 

That’s how Lilia find them; Silver deeply asleep with Sayaka sitting beside him, happily amusing herself with the small animals that flocked to his son. Lilia surprised Sayaka by hanging upside down from the tree, thanking her for watching over Silver. Sayaka yelp but then blush; stammering out that she actually just wanted to play with the animals. Lilia smile and thanked her nonetheless. 

Silver woke up when he heard her yelp. He didn’t expect that Sayaka would also flocked to him apart from the animals. Again, Sayaka blushes and told the two to stop teasing her. This made Lilia cackle and Silver frown in confusion. Lilia invites her to their dorm if she wants to see Madoka and Sayaka jumps on the offer. It’s been a while since they hang out, just the two of them, and look, she even has some leftover macaroons that Trey handed to the first-year students of Heartslabyul this morning. 

Lilia enjoys being around Sayaka. She makes him feel younger; her youth, passion, sense of justice and etc. Lilia belives that she would grow to be an amazing woman in time. It’s also a good thing that their Fairy has someone like her as a good friend. She could definitely help boost Madoka’s self-esteem.

Silver doesn’t really have any problem with Sayaka. As a knight, he also asked if the two of them could spar sometime. Perhaps Sayaka could teach him how to combine his magic with his swordsmanship. She seems to be able to do it so effortlessly using water. 

Sayaka only meet Malleus through Madoka. She offer to help Madoka search for her Dorm Leader when Lilia informed them that the Dorm Leaders and Vice Dorm Leaders will be having a meeting with the headmaster and teachers in less than 3 hours and Malleus is nowhere to be found in Diasomnia. Since Silver and Sebek are in the middle of their class, Madoka volunteered to look for him and Sayaka joined her. 

It took them 2 hours to finally find Malleus wandering around the Ramshackle dorm. The moment Sayaka laid eyes on Malleus, she could sense his overwhelming presence and power. It’s made her hesitant. Seeing the wariness in her eyes, Malleus became dishearten. He had hoped that Madoka’s friends would be as fearless as her. 

Fortunately with Madoka there, she helps to introduce one another. She even pressed close to Sayaka’s side and whisper that Malleus is actually very gentle and kind. Don’t be scared of his height. Sayaka whisper back that it’s not his height that took her off guard, but she bravely step forward and gave Malleus her most sincere smile. 

This earn her a pleasantly surprise and fond smile from Malleus. When Madoka told him that he’s needed back at Diasomnia for a meeting, Malleus allows himself to be usher by these two girls. And what sight these 3 make! With Malleus in the middle and Sayaka and Madoka on his left and right, it feels almost Silver and Sebek are accompanying him. Plus, his ridiculously tall form dwarfed these tiny girls. 

He enjoy listening to them talking about mundane, daily things and appreciate that Sayaka would pull him into the conversation by asking about his opinions and hobbies. It was nice being with her. 

As for Sayaka, something in her finally vanishes when she personally witness just how attentive and gentle the Diasomnia gang treated Madoka. It makes her happy that her childhood friend is well looked after here.           

-

Alright! And we’re done with Sayaka’s part! Next is Mami! On a related note, I’ll be posting an announcement regarding updates to my TW’s works tomorrow. I think I needed to do it so those who sticked around for this series knows what’s up. 

[weekendwarriorblog]

IN THE HEIGHTS Review: A Musical That Pulls You Further In With Every Song and Dance Number

I didn’t have much to go on when I went to see In the Heights earlier this week. Obviously, I knew it was Lin Manuel Miranda’s musical that preceded Hamilton, but other than hearing the chorus of the main title over and over during television ads when the show was on Broadway, I really knew nothing about the songs or the story. Therefore, I went in with relatively low expectations despite all the early hype, because hey, I live on the Lower East Side of New York, and if there’s one place I don’t necessarily like to go, it’s Washington Heights, which is about as far from my home while remaining in Manhattan as one can possibly get.

Before I get to the movie, I will share a story about having met Lin Manuel Miranda, though. My friend Jesse is a singer/songwriter and he ran a club in the East Village for a while where Miranda’s group Freestyle Love Supreme would perform from time to time. When Jesse would occasionally perform himself, Lin would sometimes join him on stage to do a freestyle rap break related to the song, so one night when he did that, I met him after the show and we traded a few pleasantries. A few months later, I saw my first ad for the musical In the Heights on TV, and I was like, “Hey, that’s that Lin Manuel guy!” That’s it. That’s my Lin Manuel Miranda story.

The story is told through Anthony Ramos’ Usnavi -- played by Miranda on stage -- who is sharing his passion for the Washington Heights section of Nueva York with a group of attentive kids. As he tells the story, we meet the main characters. Vanessa (Melissa Barrera) is the beautiful fashion designer who has caught Usnavi’s eye, though he feels she’s out of his league because she’s so worldly. Leslie Grace’s Nina has returned to the Heights from her first semester at Stanford with concerns that her father (Jimmy Smits) will have to sell his car service for her to continue school. Once home, she reconnects with Corey Hawkins’ Benny, who still loves her, but also doesn’t want to hold her back from returning to school.

Likewise, Olga Merediz’s Abuela Claudia, a Cuban immigrant who is the true matriarch of the neighborhood, is given a beautiful number and a particularly moving scene that separates the second and third acts. Miranda himself turns up in a small role as Piragüero, the Italian ice street peddler, who is in danger of losing his business to the local Mr. Softee. I mean, these stories are so very New York City. Even though I’m not part of this community, I can totally relate to everything that MIranda and Hudes were hoping audiences will get out of the New York Latinx experience.

One thing I’m not quite sure was part of the original musical was the subplot involving Dreamers, centering around Usnavi’s younger cousin Sonny (Gregory Diaz IV), which was probably something more relevant to the past administration’s war against immigrants. Either way, these are things that many people will be able relate to rather than being a desperate attempt to be woke or current.

In the Heights seems very much like the movie director Jon M. Chu was born to make, because he’s done so many music videos and music docs, to the point where you might wonder why he never did an actual musical adaptation. (I’m not sure Jem and the Holograms fully counts.) Chu and his team as well as the entire cast seem to be having so much fun. The elaborate musical numbers offer particularly strong evidence in the case that the Academy needs to add an Oscar for Choreography, because the dance numbers are just so spectacular, including a particularly wonderful one between Grace and Hawkins that pays tribute to one of the great dance numbers from a certain MGM duo. And the number in the swimming pool would have made Ethel Merman proud.

(If I was writing this movie for my day gig at Below the Line, I’d be drawing extra attention to the production design, costumes and hair and make-up all who make the setting and characters feel even more authentic.

Despite my earlier reticence at embracing this musical -- for reasons quite unknown other than I try not to believe all the early hype I hear -- by the end, I was fully on board, particularly due to the wonderful love story between Usnavi and Vanessa, which really drives home the power of true love that Miranda has always eschewed.

In the Heights is a movie that will tug so hard on your heartstrings, winning you over with the pure joy that permeates every song and dance. More importantly, it’s a movie with such a strong message but one that doesn’t feel like you’re being hit over the head with it but allowed to absorb it as you’re welcomed into this community.

Rating: 8.5/10

[guigz1-coldwar]

'Small love, big hate': a one-shot (+18)

"Small love, big hate"

Plot Summary : Yirina Grigoriev & Sonya Kuzmin are hating each other for obscures reasons but there's something that no even them expected to happen......

To read it on AO3, click here !

Words : +2700

Warning : NSFW content !

Tribute for @clxudtea for Sonya Kuzmin character

-----------------------------------

They couldn't know why & how all of that happened.....

No one in the Perseus Collective couldn't even explain how two of Perseus best operatives started to hate each other for real : did that start when the two met each other years ago during an Perseus meeting ? Was it because of one of their operations has gone to shit ? Was it because of something very personal ? If some people pointed that the two started their rivalry at the whole beginning when they both met, others thinks that it was involving someone in an romantic way. Nonetheless, if no one knows of the true motives of their hatred between each other, there were nothing that could help the two to maybe reconcile.

Grigoriev was in the Perseus Collective since she was four years old, raised by Perseus himself during all her life since her parents died in an strange american attack on the village she was living, her parents dying during that event but in reality, she never actually believe in his fight but for her, staying in the group is an occasion to save & protect the innocents from the group evil-doings. She stayed true to her own goals and she hate all of those who is harming innocents.

Sonya Kuzmin was an whole different case to talk about. The famous Vikhor 'Stitch' Kuzmin is in fact their brother and were brought inside the Perseus Collective when they have celebrated their 18th birthday and it was the same year where they & Grigoriev have met in person and to be honest, the two were both mixed about each other, intrigued by the other before their hatred start to slowly born over the years and for them, they couldn't explain the real reason : a love triangle with another Perseus operative......Freya 'Wraith' Helvig, a type of relation that was in fact forbidden in the Collective.

To begin with, Freya was in an relationship with Grigoriev but in the first years following the meeting of Yirina Grigoriev & Sonya Kuzmin, something bring Freya to start an love relationship with Sonya while she was still with Grigoriev and the discovery of that by her launched their hatred that was still on these days. Today, Grigoriev & Kuzmin came back from an Perseus operation in the Ural Mountains and when the two entered each other in the locker room of the base they come back, everyone knew that they couldn't stay in the same room of the two, knowing that it could cause an fight that never actually happened or another big argument that could last hours between them. Everyone left the room, leaving only Yirina & Sonya in it. Both were turned around, not facing each other.

"What are you thinking now, Sonya ?" Yirina decided to launch an very ordinary discussion with Sonya, not even thinking about the hatred the two got, as she was removing the bloodied bulletproof vest off her, it was the blood of someone else, of course.

"Thinking of your mom !" Sonya replied, scoffing about the death of Yirina's parents in an funny way, having their hands on face, looking at the mirror that was inside their locker and seeing the traces of blood of an soviet soldier she killed with an shotgun in the head.....literally.

"Ah, very funny." Yirina said in an very annoyed voice, hearing that little not funny joke almost everyday from Sonya themselves. "I heard that from you everyday, maybe start to change." She added, suggesting an friendly advice to them as she was cleaning the blood on her face too. "I don't know, maybe thinking or doing someone else instead of talking about my mom."

"Oh, you maybe want me to say something about your father or one of your friends ?" Sonya proposed as they were looking at an small pool of an soldier's blood on their neck....to say that this mission was like an slaughter....blood were almost everywhere on their clothes..."No, I still prefer your mom."

"Well, I can say that you don't like to change." Yirina spoke but even if she was clearly saying it to Sonya, her voice was like saying to herself. In fact, she was trying to change herself as for now, she was trying to put her old relationship with Freya aside....she was trying to but always something to bring it back to the frontline.

"You still want to know what I'm really thinking right now ?" Sonya asked as they were starting to remove slowly their jacket, finding them in an very nice-looking short that Yirina couldn't see as they both put an rule if the two were in the same room to change themselves : we don't look at each other. "Right now, I'm thinking of having Freya's fingers in me....fucking me into oblivion." They said, proudly and thinking of that make thel touch their neck in excitation with their right hand, they were trying to provoke Yirina to the maximum.

"Wish I could say the same." Yirina whispered, loud enough to make Sonya hear her who was smiling about it, they really managed to stole Yirina's girlfriend like that and it was like an big success to them. "I'm pretty sure that you're fucking happy to have stolen Freya from me." She exclaimed, not even sounding angrier like usual.

"Oh yeah !" They breathed, laughing about it as they were removing their pants slowly, still in trying to provoke Yirina to make the first move as Perseus was clear about it : one fight between them and they were removed from the Perseus operations for an big while : Yirina couldn't be able to save innocents and Sonya....to have fun into killing. "I still have her groans from the last time in my head." They added, their fingers slowly going down before they got focused back on undressing themselves

"Good for you, then." Yirina said like that, causing Sonya to be a little bit surprised in them as they thought that Yirina would be angered about it as each time Freya was mentioned, the anger was taking over their argument at almost on the verge on fighting but now, Yirina was like she wasn't giving an damn anymore, making Sonya a little bit disturbed.

"I'm surprised that....you're not angry." Sonya exclaimed, stopping themselves in their moves and trying to have an look on Yirina with their mirror, seeing her also stopped and doing nothing except for looking inside her personal locker

"Maybe I'm the one who's liking change here." Yirina grinned as she was holding the door of her locker, not making an simple move and just looking inside of it : a photo of herself....just her with an smile.

"Oh, fuck off !" Sonya chuckled in an funny tone and to say, they were again surprised to have laugh to Yirina and that Yirina wasn't either angry or annoyed by them and then, as they were retaking back their moves to undress themselves, Yirina decided by herself to break the only rule the two established in here : not look at each other. She closed her locker's door, watching at Sonya, seeing them with nothing covering the top on their back and discovering some scars on Sonya's back. Her, she was still dressed in her clothes, just wearing her shirt, her pants & shoes

"Who did this to you ?" Yirina asked, leaning herself on the locker's door that she closed, looking Sonya's back

"Are you watching me ?" Sonya questioned, sounding troubled in their voice, knowing that Yirina was watching them and they could see that with the mirror. "I thought that we put an rule between us remember ?" They said, wanting to make her put her eyes away but that wasn't working at all as they could start to see Yirina, coming slowly to get next to Sonya, leaning at a least 1 meter from them.

"Tell me, who did this ?" Yirina questioned them again in an curious and low voice, wanting to know how they were able to have those scars on their back

"Well...." Sonya started, putting their right hand on their locker's door, they were quite stressed to talk about what they got in the back and to say, they were going to talk about this to the person they were like hating....their nemesis. "A son of a bitch in the CIA....called Russell Adler, he did this to me." They decided to reply, biting their lips and finally looking at Yirina's face, curious of her reaction and they could see an grieving face. "Remember what happened in 1968 at Rebirth Island ?" Yirina nodded to them, knowing the story of what happened there : the Nova-6, an mysterious guy killing the man who created the gas and the CIA attack on the island. "I've got captured with 'Stitch' by Adler's men and to make him talk, they whipped me in front of him but he didn't crack, causing Adler to make him lose an eye and me....to have those for the rest of my life."

"Shit, that guy...." Yirina started before stopping herself in her words, looking away and wondering how it was possible to torture someone like this : she was never an big fan of torture and she hated it except if the person tortured was someone who harmed her friends. "Is this because of this event that you're like that ?" Yirina suggested, making sure that Sonya know what she was talking about : always rude to those close to them.

"Yeah, it kinda help me to feel better." Sonya responded, looking at Yirina with an great face, meaning all of their words to her and to be honest, they didn't expect Yirina to smile about it....an reaction that was starting to get strange to Sonya : why's Yirina is getting suddenly friendly with me ? She thought that to themselves, thinking that Yirina was like playing an mind game with them. "Okay, Yirina, what's your plan with me ?" They told her, having suddenly enough as they closed the door almost brutally and Yirina didn't even flinch for an second, turning themselves to her.....and unwillingly, revealing their breasts to her, who started to blush at seeing them.

"I want to know.....why you blushed when I was on top of you during that mission ?" This was an question that Yirina was asking to herself since the end of the mission they just got : she remember to have seen Sonya literally blush after she threw herself on them to avoid them to get killed by an enemy grenade. She remember it well as Sonya smiled about it before launching an usual insult to Yirina, asking her to 'get the fuck off me !' "Are you having something on me ?"

"No....I thought that it was Freya that did this !" Sonya replied but their voice was cracking, signifying that they were lying and Yirina could see that.

"Seriously ?" Yirina raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms as she slowly start to get closer to Sonya who couldn't know where to go....the mask were like falling right now, the rude side of Sonya wasn't making an appearance to repulse Yirina at all. "You did smiled at me for 10 seconds, blushing heavily before you asked me politely to fuck off." She added as she was very closer to Sonya who started to blush again before Yirina looked at her locker. "So, tell me, is Sonya Kuzmin in love with someone else than Freya Helvig ?" She then put her hand on Sonya's locker door before Sonya put their hand on Yirina's arm gently

"Wait !" They said, looking & sounding nervous as Yirina was wondering what they were going to tell her, staying very cool about all of this. "Okay, I'm hating you so much that....I realized that there were something." They revealed, causing Yirina to smile slightly about it before she decided to move very closer to Sonya, getting her arms on their shoulders. "I'm hating you in an lovely way, Yirina."

"Then, show me !" Yirina ordered as she decided to close her eyes, awaiting for something....until Sonya who couldn't make an simple step back from what they just said and where they were, finally acted and move closer to get their lips on Yirina's ones, kissing the person she was liking to hate....love & hate in the same place....in that kiss. Sonya who was now feeling wanted the kiss to stop but then, they realized that it was better to continue and even to reinforce it. They put their arms around Yirina's waist, kissing her passionately as Yirina could discover the non-rude personality of her enemy....Sonya Kuzmin.

"Happy now ?" Sonya asked as the two broke the kiss but staying in each other arms, Yirina was still smiling and for the first time for her, she just saw Sonya smiling at her, not an second of angriness.

"Did I say we were finished ?" Yirina asked back before she moved to kiss Sonya's neck, giving them an pleasure that they were never able to have with Freya herself, something that Yirina was never able to give to Greya, she was giving it to Sonya themselves. As the two were up, Sonya start to slowly move towards the bench that was separating the locker room in two, laying down on it and feeling the cold feeling of the bench in her back while having Yirina on top of them, holding their arms. "You want to go already to the next step ?" Yirina smirked at them, not believing at all of the situation.

"Oh, fuck you and fuck me !" Sonya ordered to her, finding back their rude attitude but they weren't looking troubled by Yirina's smile and before she started to remove her own shirt, Sonya discovering that Yirina wasn't wearing an bra at all below it and to say, Yirina's breast was so much nice to look at...more better than Freya's ones. "Please, Yirina, I need your fingers in.....fuck....put them in me." They pleaded as Yirina has started to slowly kiss Sonya's own breasts, moaning almost loudly in the room as they were overtaken by Yirina's skills on that type of activity.

"Ask me again." Yirina said in a low voice, concentrated on kissing Sonya's breast before making kisses by going down Sonya's body until stopping at their scrotch.

"Oh, you redhead bitch, kiss me....fuck me like you're hating me to the bones !" Sonya told her, pleading again and sounding almost crying in their voices, still with their rude attitude that Yirina, in fact, started to love so much when the two kissed, a sort of big affection between the two. There were still hate in here but also an sort of weird love that came in.

"See, that's my Sonya Kuzmin." Yirina breathed and giving an big grin to Sonya before she decided to take their hands to get them up with her, having an urge to get somewhere else for that kind of activity. "Let's go fuck in the showers, shall we ?" She proposed, taking an bit of an rude attitude and Sonya nodded with an big smile.

"Following your lead." Sonya whispered as they were taken away by Yirina, still holding their hands and we could say that the two wanted to get quickly into the action and making some hate sex in the showers knowing that they will not get disturbed by anyone since no one wanted to see them going into another argument.

What they were doing, it wasn't in fact entirely love, they were still hating in each other but more in an lovely way now that the two kissed. It was maybe so damn weird to kiss your enemy, the one you're hating the most but in the case of Yirina & Sonya, it was getting so much different as they were both having sex in the showers. The two could finally discover the other in a closer way, literally fucking in their workplace and to say, it was making them so good ! Both were able to release themselves, staying true to their convictions with Sonya giving some insults as she was groaning from Yirina's licking and kissing and Yirina was now liking that by an lot, it became a way to say 'I'm loving you while hating you !'. Frankly, the two didn't expect this to happen but now, the only thing they could do now was to enjoy their moments, knowing that it wasn't going to be the last one they're doing this. Now, they knew that each time they will be seen together by the others, they would be alone and could have sex without been disturbed......

It was in fact an love & hate relationship that was just born !

[endysgirl]

Sailor Mars Birthday Tribute

I am so late on posting this but I just did not have time to edit. For Mars I wanted to talk about her 90s anime version and her much better manga version.

Let me start by laying my bias wide open. I never liked Sailor Mars. As a kid I thought she was unnecessarily mean. She was and still is my least favorite, besides ChibiMoon. She’s beautiful, and her powers and attacks are awesome. As for how she fits into the overall scheme of things, I have major issues with how the anime portrayed her compared to how Naoko intentioned her. Frankly, I can’t help but view 90s anime Rei as an imposter and I’ll explain why...

Ok, first let’s talk about 90’s anime-Rei. We know she’s very hard working, goes to an elite girls’s Catholic school and wants to be an independent career woman when she grows up. Yet, for some reason (*cough*patriarchy) she sees Mamoru in season one and thinks he’s perfect so she’s gotta have him. She embarrasses herself going all boy crazy over him (he literally steps on her head and just walks away) and he seems like a typical clueless dude who doesn’t realize she *likes* him. I relate hardcore to Mamoru here. She’s so thirsty and he is so not. Then fast forward to after Endymion gets taken and Rei slaps Usagi calling her a coward. It’s meant to be some great emotional scene that some fans latch on to. Yet, it’s not Rei’s slap that motivates Usagi. It just hurts her. Go watch it again (epi35); it’s the voice of Mask from her memory, gently and patiently encouraging her, as always, that she is strong and can fight that spurs Moon into action. We’ve seen over and over that Usagi responds to patient encouragement over violence, just like when she does when she faces the baddest villains. Yet, the 90s anime always has Rei cutting her down. As far as I’m concerned, it’s just the patriarchy at work, trying to convince young girls that the boy or girl who’s mean to you really does care about you. It’s toxic and just plain stupid.

Now, am I saying 90s anime Rei doesn’t really care about Usagi? No. Not at all. She’s her Senshi and they share the same heart and the same dream to protect those they love together. Of course she loves Usagi. My issue is how the 90s anime portrays that dynamic. It’s spreading toxicity within female friendships and trying to sell it as genuine. I also understand that Mars’s fiery personality is what a lot of her fans love about her. I’m not saying that’s bad either, even if it’s an inaccurate representation of the character Naoko created. Apparently, it was Ikuhara that wanted the anime to change her cold and aloof personality to “fiery”. To perpetuate the patriarchal tropes I’ve mentioned, the anime tried to paint her as Usagi’s bff of the group, usurping Minako’s place. In the manga, Minako is the Leader of the Senshi and the one closest to Usagi in personality and in her role as the Leader of Serenity’s guards. Yet the anime is constantly trying to make Mars the one that is extra special to Usagi. Case in point, at the end of Stars the first voice we hear address Eternal Moon after she defeats Galaxia is Rei but in the manga, Usagi is drawn hugging Minako first. These little moments bother me, probably a little too much.

Then there’s the love triangle they tried to created with her and Mamoru. Fucking kill me. The love triangle garbage is just typical, patriarchal tropism within the storyline that has no place in the SM story in regards to Mars. Let’s make two friends like the same dude bc that’s drama that people have been conditioned to enjoy. It’s lame as far as I’m concerned. Let’s take a moment to remember the random, stupid and pointless scene in the curry episode where ChibiUsa and Mamoru run into Rei and after a moment of awkwardness they decide to go find Usagi together. Tell me that’s not the patriarchy trying to validate one woman’s place by using another woman as comparison instead of letting her stand on her own. 😒 And they’re trying to backtrack on the whole Rei liking Mamoru episode. This isn’t Rei’s fault obviously, I’m just using this scene to explicate why I don’t like the dynamic the anime created, and why that makes Mars a difficult one for me to get excited about.

There’s no way you can convince me that Mars’s bitchiness wasn’t a direct result of a “male perspective” (as Naoko called it). The idea that female bffs bully each other and cat fight all the time is ludicrous. As a 32yo woman (and lifelong Moonie) with a tight circle of girlfriends, there isn’t a single one of us who would tolerate such toxicity from the other, even at 14yo. It just isn’t realistic, unless it’s a bad relationship. I’ll give the anime credit for getting one thing right - her bravery. In both the manga and the anime, Mars is fearless. She charges into battle and gives it her all. She doesn’t let any doubt get in her way. She does not hesitate or dwell on self-doubt. And that alone is reason enough to love her.

Now, let’s discuss Manga-Rei. Because Adult-Moonie-Me LOVES manga-Mars. She actually appears in Codename Sailor V outside the arcade. She says the atmosphere is “disquieting” and leaves. In the manga, she’s very quiet and reserved. There is no bickering or cat fighting between her and Usagi. She’s also probably the most objectively beautiful of the Inners. She’s suppose to be “slender”, with long black hair and brown eyes which are sometimes seen as purple. When Usagi first sees her on the bus, she thinks she’s soooo beautiful. And another time, when they’re at the beach/pool, guys keep buying Rei drinks but she’s not flirting or giving them any attention, bc she is not boy crazy. Sis is enjoying those drinks tho.

Her awakening in the manga is very similar to the anime with the exception that’s she sees a premonition of Usagi and Jadeite that makes her go find the bus. Like the other Senshi, she is drawn to Usagi.

In her manga profile, her dislikes are television, modern society (the anime has her immersed in pop culture, going so far as to make her write her own songs and dance at the school festival), canned asparagus and men. It’s implied that she doesn’t like men or care for them bc of her father. He never had time for her and she doesn’t have a good relationship with him. Plus in a short story, she has a guy she likes but he chooses to follow her father’s footsteps into politics. So she kisses him and is like, boy, bye. ✌🏽 She considers men emotionally weak, untrustworthy and is generally disinterested in them, even if they’re buying her drinks and fawning over her. Same, Sis.

She is described as beautiful and “reserved”, but “scary” when she’s angry. She so beautiful that when Mamoru’s underclassman, Asanuma, sees her, he thinks she would be the perfect girlfriend for Mamoru (who Asanuma thinks is perfect) and that she should be Mamoru’s ideal type. He’s really surprised that Usagi is so *ordinary*.

Rei has strong precognition and has an affinity to fire. Ironically, there is nothing in Shintoism about fire reading, so that must just be a shoutout to the Greek influence on the manga. I love her psychic abilities in both the anime and the manga. Random fun fact: Naoko worked at a Shinto temple for a while before or maybe during college.

Mars is one of the only Senshi, like Michiru, who can use an item as an attack in her civilian and Senshi form. Her “ofuda” (Shinto talismans) are powerful enough to disperse evil and make regular people faint (remember anime epi w/Unazuki’s mouth getting sealed and in the manga/crystal she accidentally “purifies” Usagi, causing her to faint). Mikos (shrine maidens) are known to use archery attacks, so civilian Rei was already proficient in archery before awakening as Mars. Also, just like Jupiter’s earrings stay on her when she transforms, Mars is always wearing a pendant and when she transforms, it attaches at the waist to her fuku.

Mars also, uniquely, has her own guardians: the Crows, Phobos and Deimos. In the anime, the crows never take human form as they do in the manga. In the Dead Moon arc, Jupiter and Mercury power up by speaking with their inner consciousness. But Mars powers up by speaking with the human forms of her crows. This is a great moment in the manga bc Phobos and Deimos basically tell Rei that’s it’s ok to not want or desire men and marriage. She is the asexual goddess everyone overlooks and I love this aspect to her personality. The Crows are the ones to give her the Mars Crystal which is her starseed. We also find out here that Mars pledged a vow of Chastity to Serenity in the SilMill. They don’t explain the reasons behind the vow, but considering Rei’s spirituality and serious conservatism, it’s understandable. Also, while Phobos and Deimos are named after the moons on Mars, in the Stars Arc it’s revealed that they’re from the Coronis and were acquainted with Sailor Lead Crow.

For the most part, Rei in the manga seems more boring than Rei in the 90s anime, but personally, I don’t think so. Reading the manga in middle school and seeing a female not *give*a*fuck* about marriage was awesome to me. She’s also kinder and she has far more respect for Usagi. She’s extremely popular at her school and has her own fan club. She carries herself with a certain dignity that reminds me of Michiru. She’s second in command after Venus. And let me end this by saying that Crystal gave Rei justice, and for that I am happy.

Happy Birthday, Mars! 🔥 🌙 ⭐️

P. S. Check out Allison Yarrow’s book “90’s Bitch: Media, Culture and the Failed Promise of Gender Equality” for more detailed analysis on how women in the 90s who wanted to have a home and a career got turned into the bitchy boss, bitchy girlfriend or bitchy best friend to subvert their quest for gender equality. I think Rei is the perfect example of this narrative. Especially when you consider men changed her nature in the anime from what her female creator intended for her. Also, check out the podcast on it https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/unladylike/id1333193523?i=1000432317654 (podcast name: Unladylike episode 45. how to free the 90s Bitch)

Thanks for reading all this you wonderful Moonies!!!

[inkstaineddove]

Circling Eagles

Characters: Austria, Prussia; mentioned Hungary, France and Holy Rome

Summary: Austria is suddenly summoned to Berlin by Prussia for a vague meeting. Tensions run hot between them as egos due to an over abundance of ego and animosity in both, throwing their discussions off course to air grievances and bait the other.

Berlin, 1806.

Prussia was hunched over his desk in his study. The matter of France’s increasing territorial ambition had left him with more work to do than ever. He found himself a slave to all his papers as they stacked up, growing ever higher each day. He was roused from this by a light tapping on the door. One of his servants stepped in and bowed her head. He flicked his hand towards her as if to beg her to get on with it. "Master Edelstein has arrived, sir."

He harrumphed. "Have him wait five minutes in the parlor before sending him up. I'm in the middle of something." He returned back to his papers, scribbling out correspondence to generals on the front and to ambassadors throughout the European courts.

Not even a minute had gone by before the door slammed open. "Oh for heaven's sake, Gilbert! Who do you think I am, Baden? You can't expect me to wait around like your coy little mistress after you rush me over from Vienna." Roderich was leaning over the desk, in the Prussian's face.

Gilbert grimaced. Why did his beloved cousin have to wear so much fucking perfume? It never smelled good either, making it even less tolerable. "Get over yourself, Roddy. You know I would never treat your mistress like that. How is she, by the way? I've been so busy, I haven't had the chance to call on her. I hope she hasn't wasted away, having to capitulate with a man hardly capable of fulfilling his marital duties."

Roderich straightened up, his face red. Gilbert rose and shut the door. The staff didn't need to hear all this. "You jealous, spiteful little rat. If this is all you have to say to me, when I've been sending men to death to protect your pathetic little state, I've got no qualms signing a treaty with France and ending the whole thing! I'd love to join with him and rid myself of you, but tragically I have honor."

Prussia shrugged, barely suppressing his amusement at the other’s outburst. "I was enjoying myself, but you've always got to ruin the fun." He began rummaging through the stacks of paper on his desk. Eventually, he found what he was looking for. "Have you received any letter from us yet, dated a month ago after Austerlitz? I know your men were at the battle, but no one reported to me seeing you there."

"I know we got our asses handed to us and about the resultant treaty afterwards, as I negotiated that, but that's it. I'm assuming you tried reaching me about something else?" Austria gaped as he watched Prussia toss out the letter he had so valiantly fished for. "What was the point of that?"

"I'll show you instead. It's about that troublesome empire you clung so tightly to." Prussia led him out and down the halls to a darkened room in the basement. "Thankfully, it's really unsettling down here so I've had no trouble keeping my staff away from here. But it sure was a bitch wrapping the kid up in sheets and bringing him down here in the middle of the night. Without making a sound, should I add." He couldn't help the hint of pride in his voice. He lit the candles hanging by the sofa.

Roderich leaned against the wall, needing it for support. He felt queasy. There before him was the body of Holy Rome. It was a wretched sight. He was covered in wounds, his body appearing as if it had began bursting apart. His eyes were rolled to the back of his head, his tongue was swollen, and his face distorted. "What did you do to him?"

"I didn't do anything! He was sent here after Austerlitz in need of expert medical care. He got it, but everyday he kept getting worse. He became so shriveled up, completely disfigured and eventually unable to eat or move. I guess this is what happens when a state's dissolved by treaty. Almost feel bad for him, it might've been better if France had just gutted him with a sword." Prussia yawned, completely unbothered. As the years had gone by, he'd grown less and less fond with the empire-in-name-only. If anything, Francis had done him a personal favor. "I'm sorry you lost the seat of your power."

Austria was not taking this discovery well. He knew that Holy Rome ceased to exist in everything but name - hell, he agreed to it in the treaty - but he expected the embodiment of it to go slowly, peacefully. To eventually fade away till it existed in memory only. This was grotesque. A horror beyond any other imaginable. He wanted to throw up, he wanted to curl up in a ball and cry, to drink till he was numb. So of course, of course, Gilbert would take this as an opportunity to douse the wound in vinegar. "How dare you! Insinuating that was the only reason I cared for him after all these centuries. To stand there, on your high horse, and act as if you're somehow more worthy than me because you're so callous, so uncaring towards this. Marvelous! Further proof that a ghoul has no soul! Are you proud, are you fucking proud Gilbert? Will this help you sleep at night, knowing you have to live in my shadow while I've gotten everything - the girl, the empire, the power - that you've wanted?" As he spoke, he pushed Prussia against the wall, his breath stinging hot against Gilbert's lips.

He saw red. Before he even knew it, he'd punched Roderich in the jaw. Before he even knew it, he'd spat on his cousin’s hunched over body, landing it right on Roderich's cheek. He knelt down and grabbed the Austrian by the collar. "For a little whore who can't defend himself, you really love talking a big game. What do you have that I don't have? I think we know who your wife would rather be with. You know that too, don't even fucking start there. This isn't the fifteen-hundreds anymore, Roderich. All your power comes from who you can get your monarchs to marry off to, whoring yourself around to each nation so maybe they won't recognize the paper tiger in front of them. What power can you really have if you're too weak to truly flex it? As for your empire-" He gestured towards the decrepit corpse of Holy Rome, "-he's over there. Rotting away, no longer any use to you. Now what puppet will you have to prop yourself up with?" He pushed Austria away and stood. "Get over yourself, you'd be less intolerable. Sure, you won't see me crying any tears for this nuisance, but I'm not celebrating. If he really means that much to you, then figure out what to do with the body. That's the reason I called you here. I don't want this shit here any longer. He’s stinking up my cellar.”

Austria spat the blood that was pooling in his mouth out. He wiped the spit off his cheek. "You're a barbarian. Who could ever love that? Uncivilized, uncouth, an ogre. Whoever you appeal to simply lacks taste, that's all. It's not an attachment to you, it's an absence of acculturation to be worked on." He paused. "Vigorously." Collecting his pride, he rose and dusted himself off. Roderich rolled his eyes. "I suppose a proper Catholic burial in Vienna will be due. All the royal honors. I'll invite the other German states, though I doubt they'll show, a fitting tribute to their allegiance."

"Burying it would be a waste. Haven't you heard what the others have been begging for? The whole specter of France has the weaklings begging for a united Germany." Prussia wrinkled his nose up at the concept of it. "If they get their way, it might be worthwhile keeping the damn thing."

"A united Germany? One where Bavaria, Saxony, and the two of us are all working together, fighting for the same goals and for the same nation?" Austria scoffed. "A fantasy. No, if I kept him in an accessible area and the idealists got wind of that, my God. It would be a propaganda victory for them if they believed I sided with them. I can't have that. It would be suicide."

"Just a thought. That whole group keeps clamoring for it more and more. I'm not sure how easily we'll be able to crush the idea. They seem to be putting all their hopes into it." Gilbert laughed. "It's ridiculous. They want every state to be considered equals in it. Can you imagine? Having us be equal to all of them? I'd be embarrassed having to consider Cleves a peer."

Austria gave him a pointed look. "I think what would be worse is us having to consider the other an equal. The day I look at you occupying the same plane as me will be my last. You'll always be that backwater nation with unchecked ambitions to me. Saxony and Bavaria have had the common sense to acknowledge that, it's you who's always been desperate to rise beyond his station. Funny, you'd expect a Calvinist to accept that he was predestined for mediocrity."

Prussia's blood ran cold. He clenched his jaw. "And you'll always be a dying star, clinging to its last streaks of glory. Too proud to admit when he's washed up and no longer en vogue. For all your trappings of wealth and culture, it never seemed to get you any class. You're still here, in the mud, where you'll always be. Come on, don't be afraid to admit that you like it." Austria shifted nervously. Prussia smiled. "I'll send the body to you. I figure you don't want it riding in your carriage with you, you're welcome."

They tersely went back up the stairs to the main hallway. Roderich collected his coat and checked his appearance in the mirror. "You're beautiful, please leave my home now." Prussia opened the door and, as Austria walked out, said, "Make sure to give my regards to the misses."

Roderich stopped and leaned in close to Gilbert's ear. "I will as we're going to bed tonight after I've fucked her so good. And I'll think of you, sleeping in that big bed alone, and I'll sleep like a baby." He strode off, leaving Gilbert in the dust. Another meeting of unfinished business.

[sundayswiththeilluminati]

exotics make the noise, boys, but legendaries do the work.

After so many posts celebrating Destiny’s exotics I feel compelled to pay tribute to the other, far larger portion of the weapon pool: the legendary gear that pulls its weight all day every day. These are my top five all-arounders, the weapons I infuse up first, the ones I go to when I don’t know what I’m going up against. These are:

Blast Furnace / Hammerhead

Type: Pulse Rifle / Machine Gun

Slot: Kinetic / Heavy (Void)

Perks: Outlaw+Rampage / Dynamic Sway Reduction+Rampage

Kills: 16827 / 8697

Two of the Black Armory’s pieces, the Blast Furnace pulse rifle (shown here with the Verdigris shader) and Hammerhead machine gun (Amethyst Veil shader) still pull their weight a year after their introduction. Falling squarely on the scifi end of Destiny's scifi-fantasy spectrum, Black Armory weapons are easily recognized by their sleek-but-practical look, not flashy but new and designed and manufactured with great care. They have open straight-edged cowlings with visible internals and usually show traces of the Black Armory’s signature moiré-pattern animation.

Blast Furnace superseded Forsaken’s Go Figure pulse rifle (another of my go-to kinetics) with better stats in pretty much every column. The pulse rifle archetype is already one of Destiny’s best and Blast Furnace’s great stats, great perk pool, good chatter, and friendly sights - not to mention the ease of farming for the roll you want by completing Black Armory weapon frames instead of hoping for a random drop - plant it squarely in most Guardians’ top 10 if not 5. My chosen roll is Outlaw (reload much faster immediately after a precision kill) and Rampage (damage increases with each kill, stacks up to 3x), a classic top-tier perk set.

Hammerhead was one of the first non-exotic machine guns introduced and its decent range (here extended by Ricochet Rounds), 59-round clip, and fast-but-not-too-fast 450 RPM fire rate put it right at the sweet spot where it performs well against both large numbers of weaker enemies or a handful of powerful ones. It also fares well in PvP where heavy ammo is very rare and Hammerhead’s ability to put paid to a Guardian in 5 or 6 solid hits means you get more effective bang for your heavy ammo crate buck. My Hammerhead features Rampage and Dynamic Sway Reduction (holding down the trigger boosts accuracy over time) which doesn't come up much when firing short bursts but helps a lot when pouring an entire clip into a boss’ crit spot. Whenever I’m running an Energy-slot exotic or if I just don’t want to think too hard about my loadout, it’s a good bet I’ll throw on one or both of these weapons.

Subtle Calamity

Type: Bow

Slot: Energy (Void element)

Perk: Dragonfly/Archer’s Tempo

Kills: 11806

Subtle Calamity (Clouds At Sea shader) has no great lore or storied manufacturer behind it; it’s a general world loot drop added in Forsaken. And it’s great. I was already pumped for the addition of bows and Subtle Calamity ended up hitting the sweet spot for daily use. With bows the key stat is draw time; longer draw times equal more power but also, well, longer draw times. Hence why I went for the perk Archer's Tempo, which decreases draw time as you land precision hits. It also has the Dragonfly perk, a flashy ability I like probably more than it deserves, which causes enemies killed with precision hits to explode into AoE elemental damage. Bows are a lot of fun, occupying the middle ground between Auto Rifles and Sniper Rifles that Scout Rifles were supposed to fill, and given how lousy I am with snipers if I need to land precision hits I'll usually go for a bow instead.

In-universe, what's the explanation for Guardians suddenly getting into bows? It's because of the events of Forsaken and the Guardian push into the Tangled Shore and Dreaming City i.e. into more regular contact with the Awoken, for whom it's a culturally-significant weapon - something like a claymore to a Scot or a katana to the Japanese. More pragmatically when the Awoken first returned to our solar system and settled in the lashed-together space derelict habitats of the Reef they faced the problem of using weapons inside said space habitats as well as launching cables and small satellites. Their solution was bows: strong enough to fly far, carry payloads, and deal damage, but unlikely to pierce a hull and far easier to manufacture than firearms. Awoken Corsairs still use bows as near-silent precision weapons in actual combat, relying on technologically-advanced payloads to deal the real damage. Or not so advanced - Sjur Eido puts a broadhead arrow through an inch of Guardian plate armor with little more than determination, skill, and the properties of whatever magical material Wish-Ender is made from.

Tigerspite / Age-Old Bond

Type: Auto Rifle / Auto Rifle

Slot: Kinetic / Energy (Void)

Perks: Outlaw+Kill Clip / Rampage+Fourth Time's The Charm

Kills: 14623 / 11863

Though they come from different sources in-game, I’ve grouped these two together because they’re both Awoken weapons. Age-Old Bond (Circadian Chill shader) drops from the first encounter of the Last Wish raid while Tigerspite (Night’s Chill shader) comes from activities in the Dreaming City. I love both of these weapons and use them all the time even when they’re not ideal for the situation at hand. Tigerspite, like the rest of the Dreaming City weapon set, has an elven high-fantasy style featuring cloth wrappings (?) and long, sinuous curves. The Last Wish raid set has a similar aesthetic but goes for a combination of carved-bone paneling and animated celestial diagrams that recall Awoken tech displays.

Fun lore note: Tigerspite is one of the few non-exotics to be mentioned by name in the lore. Sjur Eido selects a Tigerspite for one round of her duel with Uldren Sov back in the Distributary. It gets referenced again as a standard Awoken weapon after their return to our solar system, so it’s had quite the service life. Tigerspite’s stats were superseded a while ago by newer auto rifles but I love its sights and feel and keep using it anyway. Outlaw (faster reload on precision kill) and Kill Clip (increased damage immediately after reloading after a kill) are a classic weapon perk combo that’s always in season. Also I’m pretty sure a cat gave me this gun. Not a cat-cat, a Dreaming Kitty, one of the nine adorable stone cat statues hidden in the Dreaming City. While doing Dreaming City activities you’ll sometimes pick up an item called “A Small Gift,” a dish of something that “smells faintly of mint.” Since catnip is a member of the mint family, that’s your hint to bring that gift to your nearest Dreaming Kitty. Doing so rewards a weapon and causes the chosen statue to disappear. I’m pretty sure the first or second kitty I ever found gave me this specific gun, which just seems appropriate given its name.

Age-Old Bond is a special weapon to me. It comes from the first fight of the Last Wish raid, an encounter with the Taken Techeun Kalli, the Corrupted, and was the first fight I ever completed with my informal raid crew named “World’s Worst Fireteam.” Last Wish released at 550-590 light at a time when most Guardians were still trying to crack 530 and thus could barely handle redbars on raid day one. We were like most Guardians. But we were unlike most Guardians in being stupid and stubborn, and so we went into the raid anyway, because if we couldn’t get World First, we could still get World’s Worst. We never had a chance at the full raid, but after great struggle and great teamwork we finally managed to bring down Kalli and net ourselves our first Last Wish raid drops. For me that drop was this specific auto rifle - which is not just sentimental, but actually special. Some legendary weapons in Destiny have “curated” rolls, perk and stat combinations chosen by Bungie to be top-tier if not the best possible. Anytime you get a weapon drop you have the chance to get a curated drop instead, which comes fully-masterworked with those chosen perks. Age-Old Bond’s curated roll was the only one at the time with the new Fourth Time’s The Charm perk; when you land four rapid precision hits (they don't have to be sequential) it refunds two rounds directly back to the magazine. This does more than you might think for the weapon’s versatility, since if you’re pouring fire into a single target’s crit spot (i.e. a boss) it effectively gives the weapon 50% more clip i.e. a solid 48 rounds before you have to reload. It won’t replace a Heavy or high-DPS weapon anytime soon, but it’s pretty handy in a tight spot. The other perks on the curated roll max out Age-Old Bond’s range stat compared to other auto rifles, one of the dump stats of that archetype, and with a Counterbalance Stock mod to reduce recoil it’s practically a trace rifle.

I do favor these five weapons, but I also try to mix it up - I picked these five based on my top kill counts, but that biases it towards Y2 guns that have been in service longer. Plenty of newer weapons routinely turn up in my loadout these days: the pleasant chatter and Demolitionist perks of Outlast, Full Court/Field Prep Love and Death, the delightful new kinetic bow Accrued Redemption, Shaxx's broke-ass Crucible pinnacle weapon The Recluse, last season's snappy Patron of Lost Causes, the 600 RPM bullet-hose Arc Logic, and of course the reliable, venerable Y1 IKELOS shotgun. But in the end the only wrong loadout is one you don't enjoy, and the best choice is whatever you find the most fun.

[bulgarianmermaid]

Traveling solo in Africa, changing jobs locally, finding a new home overnight all alone while mending a broken heart… “Impossible” they said, “I’m possible” I read. It was ME I was fighting for and I had Myself and I in my corner. And the angels above 👼 At the end my crazy Morocco adventure turned into an absolute fairytale better than I could have ever imagined 🏰 (And no, Mom, there is no man involved, just me and my wild heart)

“Aren’t you afraid of flying?” the little girl sitting next to me on the plane to Morocco asked. “Why would I be afraid, sweetheart?” I wondered. “But what if we fall?” she said. “And what if we soar?” I asked. She told me it was her first time flying and she was very scared. So I decided to tell her the story of my first time on a plane. How old do you think is old enough to travel alone? If you ask my crazy parents 3 yrs old was plenty to send me off alone on a flight from Algeria to Bulgaria with a lay over in Paris. The proper term is “unaccompanied minor”, a child that travels alone and gets taken through security and from gate to gate by a flight attendant 👮‍♀️ I still had to sit all alone on the planes yet I didn’t make a sound 👼 Three decades later my parents get really worried when I roam the world solo. “Really, Mom, really, you are worried NOW?!”

Thanks to my incredible Grandma who raised me while my parents traveled the world, every new experience was presented to me as the most fun adventure one could go on. And every new place visited as a land from the fairytales. That woman, my Grandma, was a magician with her words and her touch. So a plane was a bird that would take us to the land of Alaeddin and the desert was the land of the 1001 Nights of Shekerezhade. I celebrated my 3rd birthday in the middle of the Sahara desert of Algeria, having just joined my parents on their own African adventures. Three decades later I celebrated my birthday in Africa again, on the coast of Morocco, where the Atlantic Ocean washes the sands of the Sahara. French is my first language, not Bulgarian (I still understand French if you speak slowly 😱) and coming back to Africa always feels like coming back home. To my first memories of a home – dusty, dirty and oh, so wild and free.

  I didn’t grow up rich 💰 Even though my parents were traveling around the world for work and dragged me across Europe, to the Sahara Desert of Africa and thru the Gobi Desert of Mongolia all the way to China before the age of 10, we never had much money. Or a car I could use. My parents didn’t introduce me to the outdoors, enroll me in any sports, or teach me survival skills. They didn’t believe in any of that. But ONE thing they insisted on was languages and education and I have to thank Mom for that. I started learning French when I was 3 yrs old, I wrote and read in French by age 5. I speak 5 more languages (NOT fluently) and I happen to enjoy an elephant memory, two university degrees from some of the best schools in the world and a razor sharp brain.

I came to Morocco for work, I stayed for surfing 🏜 That’s the recap of my 2 months here. There is nothing else but the desert and the ocean. You must love surfing and water if you are planning on staying 🌊 I had been working on Online, Digital, and Social Media Marketing and Online Bookings for a Moroccan surf & yoga camp for 3 months and I was really excited to finally be here in person. Well, what I thought would be a “one man show” turned into a “complete shitshow” by week 3. But when your accommodation is connected to your job and you are a tall blonde traveling solo in Africa, you think twice before you quit. So I thought for a week and finally couldn’t take another day of it 😦

I had met a boy in those first 2 weeks and for once in my life I decided to give a relationship a chance, not run away and stay for him another few days. I purposefully call him “a boy” because a man would have acted differently. A man would have seen my worth beyond the current setbacks I was experiencing. A man would have been my rock when I was standing on shifting sands. When said “boy” heard about my work troubles and living condition challenges he said he didn’t want to invite my problems into his life and “sent me off” to figure it all out myself. He could have helped, it wouldn’t have cost him a thing and I wasn’t asking for much, just a roof over my head for a night and a warm hug. Instead he chose to cut all ties and continue with his “perfectly designed” life (and home) because in his eyes I was a “complete mess”. I chose to let Fate take care of him…because payback is a bitch and the Universe never disappoints.

So with professional setback under one arm and personal disappointment under the other and having just acquired a short spell of “Moroccan shits” I hastily packed my suitcase and took a “berber taxi” 🚗 (car not camel) to see a friend at a brand new surf and yoga camp (Surf Safari Morocco) close by for a couple of days, enjoy their pool and heal my body while figuring out my life. Because in Morocco it is just a matter of time before you get the shits – personal, professional, just shits. How these old “berber taxi” cars from the 1980s still function is beyond my understanding. How they make it up and down the hills is a sheer miracle. Considering 3 people sit in the front, 4-5 in the back and there is always room for 1 more (in the driver’s lap perhaps as there is already someone sitting in mine 😂) I guess we could pish the car all the way to town if it broke down.

My dear friend and yoga instructor Julian @hostelyogi who saved my life more than once

In retrospect, I should have left Morocco back then but it is too easy to judge life in retrospect and I am a warrior, I wasn’t going to let one asshole (ok, maybe 2) ruin my whole Morocco experience. When Plan A didn’t work out (it never does), it is time for Plan B. Oh wait, I don’t have a Plan B. I never do. Perhaps with the 100% chance of Plan A not working out in my life, I should start preparing a Plan B 🤔 I believe in the power of the Universe, I believe when we set an intention and we really want something the Universe responds. Not always in the way we expected, often in a better way 🙏 Sometimes it is hard to sit still and wait for the future to unfold while you are shaking in uncertainty but if you are patient and watch out for the signs, I promise you the result will be more beautiful and grand than you ever expected.

The surf camp where I went for 1 day to relax and recharge (and ended up staying a month) took me in with all my physical and emotional pain. They hugged me until I stopped crying – thanks Julian and Evan. They saw my worth even through the thick wall I had put up and hidden behind – thanks Younes and Mohammed. They gave me a week to just surf, eat, sleep, and heal. I will be forever grateful for that. (And do laundry, because after a month in a dusty, little Moroccan town nothing makes you happier than the sight of a new washing machine and European detergent.) Within a week after moving in, meeting the owners, observing camp operations and enjoying myself tremendously in and outside of the water, I was asked to help manage Surf Safari Morocco and take over Digital Marketing, Social Media and Online Bookings. Less than a month later we are completely full (actually that was true after JUST a week when management believed in my strategy and took immediate actions to implement my recommendations). For there are FEW things I’m very good at IF you believe in me and WORK is one of them.

Surf Safari Morocco – the greenest grass and the cleanest pool in town 🙂

To all the people who didn’t help me on my journey, who tried to stop me from succeeding or attempted to stall my growth – THANK YOU 🙏 For showing me I had verged off my true life path and I had to change course a bit. For the only constant in life is change and this mermaid does change better than most 🧜‍♀️ My Moroccan adventure has been one HELL of a story 📝 with plenty of ups and downs and “drowning time” in between (some call it surfing but I’m mostly under water 🙂 “Rugs to riches”, “nada to Prada” or just another way to say – believe in yourself even when no one else does!

Finally, a tribute to the girls who shared my first month of the “Moroccan shit show” – I wouldn’t have lasted as long as I did without you – Charlie’s Angels or MY angels – for true friendships are built in the most challenging of moments and we were together thru thick and thin 🙏 As we have all headed out on our new adventures (I was the very last one to leave Morocco from the group and I thought I would be the first) all I want to say is thank you Annie, Leah, Meli and G – for your friendship, your advice, your emotional support, your translation from German, and for having my back when you were pretty backless yourselves 💪 Yours truly, The Total Mess ❤

  Morocco – My Crazy African Adventure Traveling solo in Africa, changing jobs locally, finding a new home overnight all alone while mending a broken heart...

[ellanainthetardis]

Uh uh... what about Lyssa being single, and she, in fact, does want Haymitch, and she flirts with him trying to get him in her bed and Effie is all crazy, and sad because she knows that when Lyssa wants someone, she has them. It's not like Effie has told her that she's in love with Haymitch so Lyssa doesn't think that she's hurting Effie. And in the end, Haymitch is like "I'm sorry, but I don't want you" and then goes after Effie.

Here you go ! |x]

Of Sisters, Bending & Pool Tables

“Well. I am separated. No matter what Mothersays, our marriage cannot be mended.I am entitled to some fun now.” Lyssa huffed, jutting her chin in the air. “Rufus certainly never let a little thinglike marriage stop him from finding alover.”

Effie toasted to that, happy that her sisterseemed to have found her backbone at last. Tired of being cheated upon maybeor, perhaps, it was the fact that the last affair had been made public in a fewgossip rags. Lyssandra had grabbed her children, slammed the door and showed upat their parents’ house. Needless to say their mother had been desperate tosalvage the situation as best as possible by urging Lyssa to go back and letRufus apologize. He was wealthy and powerful, asking for faithfulness was goinga little too far according to her.

Effie had unfortunately been present for thelatest lecture and had cringed when Elindra had pointed out that she didn’t want to know what theirfather did behind her back as long as he was discreet about it. She had takenpity on her sister and had invited her to come along to a Games party.

The new victor, the rude girl from Seven whohad pretended to be weak only to come at the tributes with an axe when theyslept, was in the clinic still and the Gamemakers filled the time with partiesand interviews so it was the right time to go out and celebrate.

Of course, Effie had remembered why she seldom went out with Lyssandra when shehad picked her sister up. Lyssa looked so fabulous in her blue muslin dressthat Effie felt underdressed. Heads and eyes had turned on her sister’s wakewhen they had entered the party and she was very aware that more than a fewpeople were eyeing them. Or, she supposed, Lyssa.

“Good for you.” Effie smiled nonethelessbecause her sister was upset and she needed the attention more than Effie didat that moment. “You should findsomeone else. When was the last time you even had good sex?”

“Oh, Effie!” Lyssa half-chided, half-giggled.“How improper! Shocking!”

“You’re being shocking behind my back, sweetheart?”a familiar voice snortedbehind her and Effie didn’t startleexactly but she stood a little straighter.

Lyssa instantly turned on the charm. “Hello,Haymitch. How nice to see you again.”

Effie chanced a glance over her shoulder at hervictor, disappointed that Chaff wasn’t with him for once – and she had neverthought she would ever feel that way.Haymitch, as it turned out, was smiling back. Not smirking but smiling withsomething akin to fondness.

“Lyssa, right?” he asked, outstretching a hand.“You’re Effie’s sister?”

Trust him to remember that when she couldn’t get him to remember a sponsor’s name formore than two minutes.

He must have seen Lyssandra three times in all.In ten years, she had been very carefulto keep them separate.

Lyssa shook his hand, her smile brightening.“You remember me.”

“You’re hard to forget.” he answered.

Effie almost rolled her eyes. Annoyed by thehandshake that was stretching to long, she bumped her hip against Haymitch’s. Accidentally, it went without saying.

“And what are you up to, this evening,Haymitch?” Lyssandra asked, tilting her head to the side. “Effie claims you arealways involved in some mischief. We could use some mischief tonight. Isn’tthat so, dear?”

The question was directed at her so Effielifted her eyebrows. “It depends on the mischief.”

Haymitch clearly hesitated. Effie wasn’t surewhat was planned – and with the victors something was always planned between the Games and the Crowning – but heobviously didn’t want to invite them along, which was just as well. Her hemight have brought if she had nagged him long enough but her sister wasn’t partof the group and…

“Drinks and pool in a bar downtown.” heoffered. “We can find more mischief after if that’s not enough for you.”

“Oh, downtown!”Lyssa clapped in delight. “How deliciously scandalous!I haven’t been in years. Effie, let’s go with him!”

Effie looked at him and he shrugged hispermission. That was easy. Too easy. “Who else will be there?”

“Chaff. Finnick. Beetee… Maybe Blight if he canget away.” he replied. “Look, you don’t want to come, that’s fine. Stay here.I’ll take good care of your sis…”

“Certainly not.”she huffed. “I will not abandon my sister to Chaff’s grabby paws.”

“He only has the one hand, you know.” hesnorted, his grey eyes sparkling with amusement.

“And yet he is very talented at pretending to be an octopus when it comes to groping defenseless women.” she deadpanned without a blink.

“Youain’t defenseless.” he mocked before turning to Lyssa. “And I’ll protect you.No need to be scared of Chaff.”

“Why wouldI be scared of Chaff?” Lyssandra dismissed with a flirty smile. “He is not whoI am interested in.”

Effie almost gasped.

Could she be even plainer?

Granted, she had agreed Lyssa should find aone-night-stand but…

“Right…” Haymitch said and, for the first time,he didn’t sound so smooth. If she hadn’t known better, Effie would have thoughthe was uncomfortable now. He offered her his arm – out of reflex, she was sure,she had trained him well after all – and she grabbed it before Lyssa could.Unfortunately, her sister didn’t take the hint and linked her elbow with hisother one.

Effie made a point of sitting next to Haymitchin the car but that only left Lyssa facing him and that meant they could talkmore easily.

Lyssandra was flirting and Haymitch wasteasing.

Effie wanted to strangle someone long beforethey even reached the bar.

As luck would have it, the other victors hadalready escaped the party and had grabbed a table in a corner. The bar wasshady and it made Lyssa hesitate but Effie, used by now to their choices ofvenues, marched on straight to the table and grabbed the shot of tequila thatwas waiting in front of Finnick without even a proper hello. She didn’t feelmuch better once she had drunk it and Finnick’s raised eyebrow meant she wouldprobably have to explain herself at some point.

“Well, hello to you too, love.” Chaff snorted.“Didn’t know you were coming…”

And he wasn’t pleased about it but Effieignored that and smiled, ready to apologize for her rudeness when all the eyesturned away from her and she knew, without having to check, that her sister wasstanding behind her. Even Beetee, who was by far the oldest man at the tableand also very much taken, was staring.

Since he was too busy gawking at her sister,Effie decided Chaff wouldn’t miss his shotof tequila and downed that one too. Haymitch’s hand was resting at the small ofLyssa’s back and Effie was dying to say something she had no right to say.

Introductions were swept out of the way quicklywhile Finnick rushed to grab chairs for them. The fact that Lyssa sat rightnext to Haymitch and that she was batting her eyelashes at him wasn’t lost onanyone.

Chaff went to grab his glass, found it empty andtossed her a knowing look.

“Your sister knows she’s stepping all over yourtoes?” he snorted in a miraculously lowvoice.

“I do notknow what you mean.” she snapped right back and pointedly turned to Finnick,leaving Haymitch and Chaff to compete for Lyssandra’s attention. Even Beeteewas desperate to buy her a drink, it seemed, but she was secured in the factFinnick had been crushing on her eversince he won and…

…she felt extremely disappointed when he jumpedon the seduce Lyssa bandwagon.

At long last, she finished her drink all thewhile trying not to listen to the general flirting and eventually stood up togo hustle money she didn’t need out of unsuspecting gullible men.

She liked pool, she was good at it and nobodyever thought she would win because she was too pretty.

The two guys she beat to dust were young andhad thought she would be an easy prey. Still, she felt bad about taking theirmoney because they weren’t in the richest part of town and those people clearlyweren’t healthy. She settled for their cigarettes instead because she didn’thave hers.

She was just lighting one and fighting the urgenot to look toward the victors’ tablewhen she felt a hand on her back, wandering dangerously low for a public place.

“Take it off.” she warned, knowing perfectlywell who it was.

The man was close enough that she could smellhim and he smelled like whiskey, cheap soap and faint sweat.

“Ain’t that my line?” he snorted in her ear,stealing the cue from her hand. “That dress would look better off, alright…”

She pursed her lips, narrowed her eyes, blewout smoke and crossed her arms, the cigarette carefully angled between herfingers so she wouldn’t burn herself. “Are you seriously flirting with me right now?”

He shot her a warning glance. “I don’t flirt.”

Flirting was too close to admitting heactually liked her, she supposed.

“You certainly flirt with my sister.” sheretorted, waiting for him to lose the shot before snatching her cue back, hercigarette held tight between her lips. She bent over the table to take thewinning one band restart another game. She felt him staring at her ass andregretted, not for the first time, the lack of pool tables in the penthouse.They could have had fun with one. Or, at least, they could have had fun with itif he hadn’t been attracted to her sister. “I told you once that if you ever slept with her…”

“I ain’t gonna sleep with her.” he scowled.

“No, you are just going to flirt with her in front of me all night, isn’t that it?” shesnapped. “And when you are done, you will take me to bed and you will thinkabout her while you do unspeakablethings to me. Things, by the way, that she would not let you do. She is quiteconservative in that area.”

He watched her for a few seconds, his faceunreadable, and then grabbed the cue back from her even though it wasn’t yethis turn. He didn’t try to play either.

She wondered if he was drunker than he looked.She would have said buzzed if pressed but buzzed was pretty much normal forhim. The night was young yet.

“I was just being nice.” he said quietly.

“You are nevernice.” she scoffed, looking around for an ashtray. “And certainly not withsponsors.”

He frowned. “She’s your sister and your assholebrother-in-law cheated on her. It’s on every gossip channel. Thought you’d wantme to be nice.” He shrugged and took an angry shot that missed its mark. “Nevermind. Don’t know why I even tried to do something nice for you. Think I likebringing Capitols along to a victorsevening?”

“You bring me often enough.” she retorted,glancing at the table where Finnick and Chaff were competing for Lyssa’sattention. “And they are not complaining.”

“You’re different.” he grumbled.

“She won’t sleep with them.” she warned,finally locating an ashtray on a nearby empty table. It was half-full alreadybut that was the quality of services in that part of town. She crushed hercigarette and turned back to stare at him. “Finnick is too young and Chaff istoo Chaff. You, on the other hand…”

“Ain’t interested.” he said firmly, his eyesnever wandering away from hers.

She wanted to believe him. Oh, how she wanted…

But when it came to Lyssa… Men were never not interested. She had learned that thehard way.

He rolled his eyes. “Come on, Princess. Youknow better. If there’s a woman I want bent in two tonight, it ain’t yoursister.”

“Bent in two?” she repeated with a mockinghuff. “How very confident of you. Iam not in any mood to bend for youtonight, Haymitch.”

He took a step closer, very much in her space,trapping her against the pool table. “Maybe I’ll go down on my knees for youfirst…”

Now, that…

She pouted, her eyes darting from his amusedface – because he knew he had her – to the table in the corner where Lyssa waslaughing at whatever Beetee was saying.

“She ain’t prettier. She ain’t smarter. And sheain’t more attractive.” Haymitch said slowly. “That’s in your head, Effie.”

She flinched but didn’t try to deny it. Shestepped around him because they weren’t exactly inconspicuous pressed togetheragainst a pool table, even if the bar was shady and most people didn’t care –that was why the victors always chose that type of places. Discretion.

She slowly leaned over the table to take thewinning shot, making sure Haymitch had a good view this time.

“Perhaps we can convince the Gamemakers wesimply need a pool table in thepenthouse next year…” she hummed.

His hand briefly ran up her spine and coiledaround her nape in a possessive and affectionate squeeze she pretended not tonotice.

She trusted him, she decided. For this and foreverything else. It might not have been the cleverest move but it was too latenow. She trusted him.

[frauleinsmaria]

The Holiday Season(s)

Summary: Emma Swan is not fond of holidays. But maybe a routine encounter with a local bartender could change that. CS AU

Written for @jones-alice for this year’s Captain Swan Secret Santa. I had so much fun being your CSSS and hope you enjoy this story! Big thanks to @forestiyari for reading this over <3

Also on AO3 and FF.Net

Emma Swan was not fond of holidays.

To be fair, it’s not that she didn’t want people to celebrate whatever was important to them or spend time with their friends and family. But when you’ve gone nearly twenty-eight years without much of either, seeing other people experience it usually stung.

This particular night was Valentine’s Day, arguably the worst of the entire year. She couldn’t help but roll her eyes as she saw every storefront in Boston covered with giant pink and red hearts and flowers, as people lined up to buy gifts for their significant others (who they likely ignored during the other three hundred and sixty-four days.)

She actually had plans this year- if you can even call a fake date with her latest skip before she dragged him to the police station “plans.” This one had put up a fight, and came close to breaking her nose. (His punch had hit her cheek instead, where she was now sporting a vibrant, purple bruise.) But she’d still been successful; the jerk was behind bars before eight o’clock, and she had a nice salary in her purse to prove it.

To be fair, she could have spent her Valentine’s Day in better company, and had actually planned to take the night off. But Mary Margaret, bless her, had jumped at the chance to set her up on a date as soon as she heard Emma would be free. She’d then arranged to take tonight’s job and claimed she had to fill in for someone else. Her friend meant well, but she’d been on one too many awful blind dates to be up for another.

Emma had left the police station, one hand on her bruised cheek as she walked through downtown Boston and observed its lovesick residents. Every bar, restaurant, ice cream parlor, and even hair salon was offering some kind of holiday-themed deal: Come in for a haircut and get a second half-off for your Valentine! Anyone with common sense would have to find it cringe-worthy.

It felt like a breath of fresh air when she stumbled upon a bar where the only hint that it was Valentine’s Day came from the couple making out in a secluded corner booth. Emma ignored them as she walked in and took a seat at the bar. The place was mostly empty to her relief, aside from the couple engaging in tonsil-hockey, a few guys playing pool on the other side of the room, and the bartender, who’d come out from the back when she’d taken her seat.

She didn’t look up at him until he approached her. “What’ll it be, love?”

It was far from the first time she’d heard an English accent in Boston, but it still managed to catch her off guard. His looks were only an added bonus: dark hair, blue eyes, a smile she could have easily fallen for if she wasn’t so careful. “Whatever you’ve got,” she muttered.

“One of those nights, eh?”

“You have no idea,” she muttered.

He made her a rum and Coke, something she rarely chose herself, but she gave no objections when he slid it across the table toward her. “There you are.”

“Thanks.”

He looked as if he wanted to say more, but a small group walked in and sat down at the other end of the bar, subsequently holding most of his attention for the time being. Even before this, she was grateful he hadn’t tried to flirt, or get something out of her she wasn’t willing to give. (Sleazy bartenders were just as bad as sleazy fellow-drinkers.) All he’d done was smile sympathetically and refill her drink when she’d asked.

And when she left the bar later that night and glanced back at him over her shoulder, it occurred to her she might not object to ending up at this particular spot again.

-/-

Saint Patrick’s Day was something she’d never been able to comprehend. Of course, it made sense to celebrate if you were Irish and wanted to celebrate your heritage. But most of the people she knew were Americans who used the occasion as an excuse to get drunk without judgment.

Emma couldn’t really talk badly about them considering she was on her second drink of the night. (But for all she knew, she could easily be from some kind of Irish descent via her birth-parents.) She’d chosen the same bar she’d come to on Valentine’s Day, which, again, was void of any kind of tribute to the supposed holiday. The place was crowded in comparison to her last visit, but still retained a laid-back atmosphere she knew would be difficult to find anywhere else in the city tonight.

As she sipped at her drink, she nonchalantly observed the others around her. There was another group of guys playing pool again tonight, something she assumed was a regular occurrence here. A few couples sat together at various tables around the room; she’d had fun for awhile trying to determine the status of their relationship from body language alone.

Two men sat both within speaking range with her at the bar, but thankfully, neither made any attempt at conversation. She’d spoken to no one but the bartender, a tall, curly-haired man whose accent resembled the guy who’d been working the first time she came by. He was nice enough, but she couldn’t help but be slightly disappointed to not see a somewhat familiar face.

After finishing her drink, she’d decided it was probably time to leave- she had work the next morning and knew she’d regret it if she stayed out late- when a familiar voice spoke up. “Fancy seeing you here, lass. Are you leaving?”

The bartender she’d just been thinking of now stood on the other side of the bar, arms crossed atop the wooden surface.

“Oh, um, hi,” she stammered, surprised at his sudden appearance. “Yeah, I’m working tomorrow morning. Can’t successfully catch the guy if I’m hungover.”

This piqued his interest. “Are you a cop?”

“No, bailbonds. I still try to weed out the bad guys, though.”

“What’s this about bad guys?” the other bartender walked over and interrupted them. “Is my little brother bothering you?” he asked Emma.

“Younger.” The other man- apparently his brother- rolled his eyes. “I’m Killian Jones,” he told her, “and this is Liam. We own this place, hence the name.” She glanced to her right and for the first time, noticed the sign that read “The Rusty Knot.” It was odd that she’d failed to noticed before now, but the bar did indeed have a subtle nautical theme: a decent sized model ship hung on the main wall, rope lined the edges of the tables, and the light fixture above them was even made to look like an anchor.

“Yes, we do own the bar,” the oldest one, Liam, continued. “Which is why I wanted to ensure our customers aren’t being bothered.” He glared at Killian, who just rolled his eyes. Emma couldn’t help but laugh at their interaction; they acted like kids rather than two grown men.

“No, he wasn’t bothering me,” she intervened on Killian’s behalf. “I was actually just about to leave.” She dug out enough cash for her bill and pushed it across the bar to them. “It was nice meeting both of you though.”

Both men smiled and told her goodbye, but the way Killian’s eyes caught hers as she walked out the door stuck with her for longer than was comfortable on the way home.

-/-

“I’ve gotta admit, this was not how I planned to spend my Saturday afternoon.”

Emma stood in David and Mary Margaret’s back yard, carrying a basket of eggs that she’d been instructed to hide for their son and his friend’s Easter egg hunt.

“C’mon, Em.” David took an egg from his own basket and placed it in the sandbox under one of Leo’s toys. “Besides, we get to have fun, too.” The main incentive her friends had used in order to persuade her to come early and help was they’d be having burgers and beers after the kids’ egg hunt. She liked David’s grilling too much to say no. That, and he had a cute kid.

“Am I gonna be the only one here sans child?” she asked. “Because, no offense, but that’s always awkward.” Since they’d had Leo two years ago, she’d lost count of how many times she’d come to events at David and Mary Margaret’s and been the only adult who didn’t have any input on cloth diapers or organic milk.

“No, actually. Mary Margaret’s invited some of her co-workers, and I asked some guys I met a few weeks ago at the charity soccer match to come.”

Emma let out a sigh of relief, then paused and narrowed her eyes at him. “I hope your wife knows better than to try to set me up; you never invite single guys to these things unless there’s an ulterior motive.”

“Hey, I never said they were single.”

“They aren’t?”

“Okay, they are,” David admitted. “But no worries. I’d like for you to meet them since I know all the kid stuff can be overwhelming, but I’ve made Mary Margaret promise to stop meddling in your love life.”

“Thank goodness for that.”

Half an hour later, parents arrived with their kids who immediately began tearing the yard apart to find Easter eggs. Emma stood back and watched the chaos unfold with Elsa, one of Mary Margaret’s co-workers she’d been introduced to earlier. The woman was more than friendly, and clearly understood Emma’s relief at being the only one to show up without a child or partner. They couldn’t help but laugh when little Leo had filled his basket to capacity and dumped a pile of Easter eggs in his mother’s lap so he could collect more.

The egg hunt was wrapping up when David tapped her on the shoulder. “Hey, Emma, these are the guys I was telling you about earlier. This is-”

“Killian?” She cut him off, recognizing the man behind him.

“Hello, love. Quite a small world, isn’t it?”

David was obviously confused. “Wait, you know each other?” “I’ve been to their bar a few times,” she answered. “I met him and Liam the last time I was there.” She hadn’t paid a visit to The Rusty Knot since St. Patrick’s Day, but Killian left an impression that was hard to forget.

The oldest of the two brothers was with Killian, but had stopped paying attention to them just then as he noticed Elsa standing beside her. The part of Emma that had been influenced by Mary Margaret over the years already had an idea as to where this may be going based on the look Elsa gave him in return. She couldn’t bring herself to feel disappointed.

“So,” she turned to Killian after David had left to tend to his son, “you two are friends?”

He nodded. “Aye, you could say that. I’m guessing he and his wife are friends of yours as well?”

“More like family,” she admitted. “What’s this I hear about a soccer team?” She was eager to change the subject once she realized what she’d potentially opened the door to discussing.

“Football. But yes, we have a local team that plays every other weekend.”

She fought the urge to roll her eyes, but laughed instead. “Is calling it soccer that much of an offense?”

“It just doesn’t make sense when you think about it: you do kick the ball with your foot, after all.”

“Touché.” There wasn’t much of an argument she could make against that. They spent the rest of the afternoon discussing American sports (which she didn’t even like but still enjoyed the conversation all the same) and making bets on his brother’s relationship with Elsa.

“They’ll be engaged by Valentine’s Day,” she predicted.

“Are you kidding? I give him until Christmas.”

-/-

Thanks to her liking for The Rusty Knot and David and Mary Margaret’s liking to the Jones brothers, Emma quickly became used to seeing them on a somewhat regular basis. The three of them were all at the Nolan’s Memorial Day barbeque a few weeks later- Liam and Elsa attached at the hip, to no one’s surprise- and Emma ended up at the bar after another violent ordeal with a skip on the Fourth of July.

(It was getting difficult to associate Killian Jones with something besides holidays and special occasions.)

Their friendship grew quickly after they’d exchanged numbers while planning David’s surprise birthday party with Mary Margaret. (Both of them were surprised she’d managed to keep the secret from her husband.) At first, it was just casual conversation filled with his corny dad jokes and her stories about whatever scumbag she’d been tracking. But over time, it shifted to more serious topics, like abandonment, past heartbreak, and trust issues. Emma would never be able to thank him enough for the night he and Liam waived her tab at the bar- and it was a significant one- after she’d dealt with a skip who’d abandoned his family and felt little remorse. She (faintly) remembered Killian all but carrying her out of the bar and hailing a cab, refusing to leave her alone until he saw she was home safely. She couldn’t help but feel indebted to him for that one.

Emma cursed under her breath as the zipper on her costume became tangled in her hair. Tonight was Halloween; she was going with David and Mary Margaret to take Leo trick or treating before going to The Rusty Knot for the costume party she and Elsa had talked the boys into throwing. It was the first time they’d done anything remotely festive at the bar, and were both hopeful the event would draw in more business before the holidays. She’d opted for Princess Leia circa Empire Strikes Back, wearing a white shirt, vest, and pants, grey boots, her hair in a crown braid she’d finally accomplished after watching two hours worth of YouTube tutorials. Her costume idea had sparked a bit of a trend- Liam and Elsa were going as Poe and Rey, and Killian had relented to Han Solo after a bit (a lot) of convincing on her part.

Leo was adorable in his Luigi costume, resulting in dozens of oohs and ahhs from his neighbors as they went from door to door collecting candy. His parents were dressed similarly as Mario and Princess Peach, although David spent the better part of the night complaining about the fake mustache Mary Margaret forbid him to take off. (Emma had a feeling he would insist on choosing the family costume next year.)

The bar was crowded when she walked in just after nine. People were dressed as everything from Disney princesses to Freddy Krueger, who was engaged in conversation with Gandalf when she squeezed by them to find Killian. She eventually spotted him working behind the bar.

His costume suited him so well it was almost uncanny. He wore a tan shirt with a dark vest and matching pants, a leather belt and holster hanging loose around his waist. His hair was messier than usual- and- “Are you wearing eyeliner?” she asked when she finally found an empty seat at the bar.

She thought she saw him blush as he laughed and started on a drink for the person beside her. “It was Elsa’s idea,” he explained. “She says Solo is a ‘space pirate,’ and pirates wear eyeliner, so it was only fitting.”

Emma smiled. “It suits you.” She wasn’t lying. His eyes somehow looked even more blue than usual.

She ordered a beer and sat with Elsa, casually observing the costumes of others in the bar while the boys worked for the next few hours.

“What do you think the chances are they’ll do something like this again?” the blonde asked her later as the crowd began to think out.

“I don’t see why they wouldn’t, especially if it helps with business. People who had fun tonight seem likely to come again.”

“That’s true. Although I hope they won’t be upset at the lack of eyeliner on the bartender.”

It was just after midnight when she decided to leave; the way she’d felt after the last time staying at the bar until the wee hours of the morning had been enough to keep her from wanting to do it again. She said goodbye to Elsa and Liam, and walked to the other end of the bar to find Killian- only to find him engaged in conversation with Harley Quinn. The girl, who didn’t look old enough to have the drink she held, laughed shrilly at something Killian had said and leaned forward across the bar to emphasize the ample amount of cleavage visible thanks to the low neckline of her shirt.

An unexpected wave of anger hit Emma in a way she wasn’t expecting. Her hands fisted at her sides as she watched the girl run a hand down Killian’s shoulder and whisper something to him she couldn’t make out.

He looked over and noticed Emma just as she turned to leave. “Swan?” He ran out the door after her and grabbed her wrist before she could bolt. “Emma, is something wrong?”

“No,” she lied. “I’m just...not feeling well.”

Killian looked unconvinced. “Are you sure? Is there something I can do?”

She shook her head. “I’ll be fine; just wanna go home and get some rest. I’ll see you later.” She broke away from him and took off before he could respond.

Emma spent the rest of the night mentally kicking herself for her reaction to the whole thing. First of all, she hadn’t wanted Killian to see her upset. And second of all, she had no reason to be upset in the first place. He was her friend. And you weren’t supposed to feel jealous after seeing someone flirt with said friend.

Because she had been jealous.

If she were honest, she’d been attracted to Killian since they first met. It was hard not to be with his eyes, hair, smile, and the accent that made her stomach flip every time he called her “love.” But attraction and becoming furious after seeing him interact with another woman were two entirely different things.

It was all confusing, but Emma was sure of at least one thing: she was in trouble.

She ignored his texts and calls for the next two days, not knowing what to say to him that wouldn’t make things awkward. It would’ve gone on longer if Elsa hadn’t sent her a text instead. I’m not sure what’s going on with you and Killian, but you need to talk to him. He thinks he’s done something to upset you.

Elsa was right; she couldn’t avoid him forever, and it’s not as if she actually wanted to. She picked up her phone with intentions of calling him, then opted for a text at the last minute. Sorry for being MIA the past few days. I haven’t been feeling great. It wasn’t a complete lie.

He responded within seconds. I hope you’re alright. Anything I can do?

(Of course he would try to be helpful.)

“Sure, just make yourself mean and ugly so I’m not attracted to you anymore,” she muttered. No, I’m fine. See you at Leo’s birthday party next weekend?

Aye. I’ll be there.

Now to figure out how to function around him without making a mess of things.

-/-

Leo’s party went off without a hitch. Thankfully, she was too busy helping Mary Margaret decorate and supervise to spend much time with Killian. He tried to speak to her a few different times, but she kept finding things that needed to be done in order to avoid him.

To be fair, she didn’t actually want to avoid him, but there didn’t seem to be much of a choice in order to keep her newfound feelings for him at bay. The more time she spent with him, the more she’d be tempted to act on said feelings. And the last thing Emma wanted was to screw up the friendship that had quickly come to mean so much to her.

A Thanksgiving ordeal was easily avoided, as he and Liam were invited to eat with Elsa’s family. David and Mary Margaret had asked her to join them at her parents’ in Maine, but she opted to work instead, feeling as if she’d be infringing on a family that wasn’t actually hers.

Twice, she’d gone to The Rusty Knot out of a sense of obligation, but managed to pick nights when business was booming and Killian had stayed occupied at the bar. She knew he was fully aware of the distance growing between them; she’d been giving one word replies to most of his texts, even when he sent her no less than a dozen lame jokes in hopes of getting some kind of positive response out of her. Emma had laughed at loud as she sat in her living room and read them all, but only replied, funny.

She quickly found herself dreading Christmas. David and Mary Margaret were staying in town and hosting dinner at their house, meaning she would have no choice but to be in close quarters with Killian. All she could do was hope there would be enough commotion to keep him from finally confronting her for being so distant since Halloween.

He wasn’t the only one who’d noticed her behavior, either. Liam, Elsa, David, and Mary Margaret had all mentioned it to her at least once over the past few weeks. All seemed to be displeased with her excuse of being busy with work, but she stuck to the argument criminals didn’t even take the holidays off. If she told them the truth, she’d never hear the end of it. (And Killian would likely hear all of it.)

Emma spent the majority of Christmas Day trying to come up with an excuse to get out of dinner before she admitted it was no use. If she told David and Mary Margaret she was sick, they’d show up at her apartment and insist on taking care of her. They wouldn’t believe that she had to work since she’d already told them weeks ago she’d taken the entire last week of the month off. She was still thinking of possible excuses even as she dressed in her favorite red dress and heels and left for her friends’ home.

Mary Margaret had told her to come at half past six, but she could tell she’d somehow still arrived late at six-fifteen. No less than a dozen cars were parked around the Nolan house; Emma regretted her decision to wear uncomfortable shoes as soon as she realized how far away she would have to park.

The front door swung open before she had the chance to knock. “Emma!” She all but fought for air as David hugged her tightly.

“I’m glad to see you too, but maybe let me breathe so it’s not the last time we see each other?”

He quickly released her. “Oh, sorry. Come on in; everyone is almost here now.”

David wasn’t kidding. She spent most of her time eating an unhealthy amount of Mary Margaret’s snickerdoodles while somewhat socializing with the other partygoers. (Emphasis on “somewhat.”) She had caught a glimpse of Killian when he and Liam arrived shortly after her, but kept towards the back of the crowd and hoped he wouldn’t spot her. This lasted almost an hour before she began to accept just how exhausting avoiding him for the last several weeks had actually been.

As if she’d read her mind, Elsa seemed to appear out of nowhere and cornered her in the Nolan’s den. “Elsa, what are you-”

“Cut the crap, Emma.”

“What?”

“I don’t know what’s been going on between you and Killian, but enough is enough. The poor guy is acting like he’s lost his best friend- which, I guess he has.” Elsa frowned. “At least do him the justice of explaining why you’ve chosen to avoid him like the plague.”

This proved just how much Elsa had come to care about both of the Jones brothers; Emma would have expected this confrontation from Liam rather than her. “You’re right, I’ve been horrible to him,” she admitted. “I’ll go talk to him now if it helps.” Leaving the party altogether seemed preferable to spilling her guts to him. In fact, Emma could easily think of quite a few things she’d rather do. But none of it seemed worth damaging her friendship with Killian any more than she already had.

At least Elsa seemed pleased with this turn of events. “Good. He was outside when I last saw him.” Probably moping about you she didn’t add.

Emma found him alone out on the Nolan’s back porch. He leaned against the railing, hands in his pockets, looking just as Elsa had said. The sad expression on his face was enough to make her heart sink. “Hey.” She smiled at him for what felt like the first time in months.

The smile he gave in return didn’t reach his eyes. “Hello, Swan.”

“Can we talk?”

“Aye.” He raised his eyebrows, surprised at her request. “What’s on your mind, love?”

She walked over and leaned on the porch railing beside him. “A lot of things. I think I owe you an apology.”

“Why is that?”

“You know why. I’ve been avoiding you for weeks for no good reason other than my own pride.”

He didn’t respond, indicating for her to continue.

“You remember Halloween, right? The costume thing you guys had at the bar?” she asked before she lost her nerve. She told Killian about the girl she’d seen flirting with him and what it made her realize afterwards. It all came out in a stream of words that she hoped he’d be able to comprehend since there was little chance she’d be capable of repeating it all again. “I’m sorry if this makes things weird now. I’m sure I can just get over it, but I thought you deserved to know the truth.”

Emma watched him nervously out of the corner of her eye. She could see conflicting emotion on his face as he processed all she’d told him. Had she just ruined their friendship? Did Killian think she was ridiculous?

What he said was the last thing she expected to hear. “Swan, can I kiss you?”

“Wait, what?”

“Sorry for being presumptuous, but I just figured as you have feelings for me, and I have feelings for you-”

Emma just laughed as she grabbed him by the lapels of his jacket and pulled him forward to fuse his lips with hers. The rest could wait.

-/-

“What a year, huh?”

The Rusty Knot was packed, everyone crowded around the newly installed flat screen to watch the live broadcast from Times Square. They were all together: Emma, Killian, Liam, Elsa (who wore the ring Liam had proposed with on Christmas night, Killian continued to gloat about predicting that one.) Even David and Mary Margaret, who always worried about leaving Leo with a babysitter, had made arrangements to be there.

She smiled at Killian as he sat on the bar stool beside her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. They still had yet to actually discuss just what was starting between them, but she wasn’t scared of it anymore. Whether or not he knew it, he’d shown her over the span of the year that he wasn’t going anywhere.

“Yeah,” she agreed. “I’m kind of sad to see it end, though.”

“As am I. But,” he smiled, “I’ve a feeling this next one might be the best year yet.”

They looked over as everyone in the bar began to count down with the timer on the TV screen. “Ten, nine, eight.”

“You know something, Killian?”

“Seven, six, five.”

“What’s that, love?”

“Four, three two.”

“I think you’re right.”

And when he kissed her on “one,” she knew he was.

[bride-and-bride]

Am I a Shitty Healer?

A Very Basic Guide To When You Will Feel Like You Suck But It’s Actually Just Hard

The first job I ever picked up when I started playing FFXIV was White Mage. And I loved healing in this game enough to keep at it, but I found that there were a lot of places where I found myself struggling and really questioning if I was any good.

AS IT TURNS OUT... that’s pretty normal! So lest you find yourself questioning if you’re fit for healing when you’re getting into it for the first time, here’s a bunch of points at which you’ll probably find you’re having trouble. Don’t panic and think you suck... you’ll get through it with a lil perseverance and practice!

In ARR:

Stone Vigil

Aurum Vale

Dzemael Darkhold

The very first time you end up in these dungeons as an at-level healer, you might find yourself thinking you’re in hell. That’s normal. Focus on making sure you have properly upgraded gear, particularly for your main-hand and body slot! Don’t skip your class quests, either... they offer skills that you’ll definitely need.

Specifically, Stone Vigil has difficult AoEs, Aurum Vale’s got a difficult second Boss, and both Aurum Vale and Dzemael Darkhold have rooms where it’s easy to aggro a LOT of mobs while also having hazards that can deal damage. It’s good to focus on where you stand and how you move!

(Keeper of the Lake also sucks at level, and is tricky even when you get it in roulettes later... again, focus on having up to date gear, and try to read up on the boss mechanics before you head in for the first time!)

In HW:

The Vault

Final Steps of Faith

One of these is a dungeon, the other is a trail, but both are places at which you’ll find the difficulty of healing jumping a bit higher than you might expect. For the Vault, it’s extremely vital to make sure you have properly upgraded gear... the 130 ironworks gear won’t be enough anymore! For Final Steps, it’s quite helpful to read about the fight ahead of time, and really make sure you’re familiar with your aoe healing spells. It’s easier now, but it can be intimidating on your first time none the less... luckily, you have a co-healer to help out!

In SB:

The Pool of Tribute

Bardam’s Mettle

Castrum Abania

The Royal Menagerie

The Pool of Tribute is a trial, and an early one which can be difficult in part because it USUALLY TAKES... quite a while to finish. The attack patterns are rather predictable but because it goes on and on, people tend to get a bit messier in the later stages. Keep an eye on your MP!

Bardam’s Mettle and Castrum Abania are notable because the trash pulls in them hit like a truck. This is pretty common in stormblood dungeons, but don’t be afraid to ask your tank to take one pull at a time, because some of the more innocuous looking pulls can be surprisingly vicious.

The Royal Menagerie.... well, just don’t get discouraged if you find it difficult, try to practice not getting too focused on healing to the point of losing track of the fight around you, and having sprint on your bars will prove a useful tool.

So How Do I Get Better?

I couldn’t say too much... I know I’m definitely always improving in my own healing, too, and I’m still realizing things that make my life easier. However, I think there’s some basic things you can do as a healer to help yourself improve!

Read your Action Descriptions Carefully!

It’s easy to miss details unless you actually take a good look at what your actions do, and it’s always embarrassing to realize you were missing something. For example, WHM’s Assize also restores an amount of MP when you use it... AST’s Essential Dignity does MORE Healing if it’s used on a target with lower HP, and SCH’s Rouse makes your Fairy immune to some status ailments (useful if they’re in the path of a Morbol’s Breath!) You should have an idea of what your stances do as an Astrologian or what Fairy Actions Scholar’s have access to!

In addition, several times you’ll get ‘2′ versions of your existing healing spells... and it’s important to take a look at how they all function, since it’s not a simple case of always using the highest numbered heal you have! Benefic I and Cure I both save you a certain amount of MP and can proc special effects on Benefic II and Cure II, and Medica I and Helios do more raw healing than Medica II or Aspected Helios.

Consider your Role Actions according to what you do!

Some of the Healer skills are extremely vital, and you’ll want to have on your bars most of the time... others are very situational, and can depend on what you’re going to be running and what your style of healing is! For example, most groups will expect Protect at the start of runs, and Swiftcast is an absolute must-have for quick raises in battles... 

But Esuna is also an extremely useful tool, and having it quick at hand when someone’s paralyzed or slowed is a great help, and getting in the habit of looking for esuna-able Debuffs is a good one to have.

As for other role actions, it’s great to know that SCH’s Deployment Tactics also spreads Eye for an Eye, Lucid Dreaming gives you increased MP regeneration while it’s active, and Surecast actually prevents knockback and draw-in effects--all tools which can be very valuable in specific cases!

Know your Tank and Co-Healers

Being able to understand how best to work with different classes can make all kinds of runs a lot easier... and particularly in 8-man and raid content, knowing your fellow healers is vital! For example, any character can only have ONE shield effect on them at a time... AST’s Nocturnal Shields overwrite each other and SCH shields and vice-versa... if you’re an AST with a SCH, using Nocturnal Sect will give them a migraine and waste a lot of good healing, and if you have two AST’s the most effective way to go is to have one Nocturnal and one Diurnal healer!

For your tank, each one has a specific ‘last chance cooldown’ that acts differently. Paladin’s Hallowed Ground, for example, prevents ALL damage during it’s duration, meaning you can focus healing elsewhere... while Warrior’s Holmgang doesn’t prevent damage, meaning you need to try and get them back up before it ends and they’re in a bad place! Dark Knight is unusual... their Living Dead makes it so that if they would be killed, they’re instead put in a ‘Walking Dead’ state during which they can’t drop below 1 hp... but they MUST be healed for an amount equaling their full hp before the buff ends, or they’ll die, regardless of if they have hp remaining.

There’s other quirks and benefits you can find with all kinds of classes... from Monk’s Mantra which buffs healing, to Bard’s Warden’s Paean, which can esuna a debuff OR put up a ward to prevent one, to Bard and Machinist’s ability to help regenerate MP, to the different DPS casters being able to transfer a portion of their own MP to you. The more you learn about other classes, the more you can work in cooperation with them!

Know your Limit Break!

Before you hit 50, there’s a pretty good chance you’ll never end up using a Limit Break in a dungeon or trial. Afterwards, however... there will be times when the Healer Limit Break can be the difference between victory and defeat, and having it on your bar saves a lot of heartache.

The Healer LB 1 and 2 are unlikely to get used... but restore 25 and 60% of the entire party’s HP and MP, respectively. Healer LB3 on the other hand... restores full HP and MP to all party members and instantly revives any who are dead at the time! It’s important to note there IS a range on this... people who are VERY far away might miss out, and it locks you in place until the animation ends, meaning it’s possible to bring everyone back only to get caught in an AoE and fall yourself.

This got a lot longer than I meant to, and I’m definitely not any kind of expert... just a bug who really likes to ramble and sometimes gets the burning urge to write guides for things. Still... I think healing in FFXIV is fun as heck, and I can’t help but want more people to feel confident that they can do it, even if they find it tough here and there!

THANKS FOR READING THIS FAR, WOW!

[markwatkinsconsumerguide]

Consumer Guide / No.78 / Rhino records podcast host & Americana singer/songwriter, Rich Mahan with Mark Watkins.

MW: As a kid, what comics did you read?

RM : I had some Spiderman comics, I remember, but there was one I remember more than others about WW2 combat… in one scene a German soldier was screaming “Meine Augen!, Meine Augen!” because he had just been blinded. You know, cheery stuff like that!!.

MW : What Marvel superhero would you be, and why?

RM : Ant-Man. He’s got a great sense of humor, witty, and think of all the concerts you’d be able to sneak into!

MW : Do you have any phobias?

RM : Not really, unless you count weird science fiction scenarios that probably won’t ever come to pass. The Blob isn’t real, right?

MW : How did you become a musician?

RM : My parents had me take piano lessons when I was little, then I picked up a guitar after watching a junior high band play Rainbow’s “Since You’ve Been Gone” at the talent show. The cafetorium went upside down, and I was hooked on Rock & roll from there on.

MW : How important is having a sense of humour in the music business?

RM : I think it’s important to have a sense of humor in everything that anyone does. It makes it more fun day-to-day. Positive mental attitude is the best way to pass the day.

MW : How much creative input do you have, if any, with promotional posters & flyers?

RM : For my music, 100%. Anything I create for clients, it’s up to them, I don’t have a say.

MW : Do you keep a journal?

RM : I don’t. I tried, and it felt like work to me, so I stopped.

MW : What's the shortest gig you've done? the longest?

RM : Shortest gig was probably any of the tribute nights that take place here in Nashville on any given weekend. You get up, do one tune, and then get back to partying. Those are ALWAYS a great hang.

Longest gig was probably playing at Tootsie’s Orchid Lounge. 4 hours no break. Did that one exactly once.

MW : Tell me about your podcasting...

RM : I’m working on the Rhino Records Podcast, which covers all of the back catalog releases for Warner Music Group. I co-produce and co-host as well as engineer the whole shebang in Pro Tools. 

It’s a lot of fun, and we get to interview a ton of amazing artists who have created some of the most enduring music our world has heard.

http://www.richmahan.com/podcast

MW : You enjoy The Great Outdoors, including surfing. How did you get into that, what gear do you use, and what do you enjoy about it?

RM : I came of age in a beach community called Palos Verdes in South Los Angeles County, California. Surfing is as common there as little league, or any other sport. 

You get into it because everyone else is doing it too, and you’re a kid, so you want to fit in, but after you see what it is really about, and the connection with nature and the ocean, and the adrenaline rush, and peace of mind it provides, it just changes your life. 

There’s only three things I’ve found that push the reset button down all the way, and that’s love, music, and surfing. I'm in Tennessee most of the time these days, so I surf like most people go on ski trips. If anyone out there has a direct line to Kelly Slater, please put a bug in his ear that we need a wave pool in Nashville!

MW : What’s your favourite... Blues album?

RM : “Showdown!” – Johnny Copeland, Albert Collins, and Robert Cray. This album won the grammy in 1986, but I loved the interplay between the three artists, and the songs are great. I think they inspired each other to really shine, and the solos are on point throughout this entire disc.

MW : ...Surf album ?

RM : Never owned a surf album, but we’d see surf bands play frequently including The Ventures who played at our high school once. We played a lot of surf music in high school bands too, always great party music. “Wipeout”, “Walk Don't Run”…

MW:..Rock album?

RM : I’ve probably listened to The Who’s “Quadrophenia” more than any other rock record. I think it’s Pete Townshend’s masterpiece. Multilayered, delicate, brutal… so well produced, great songs. You can’t go wrong here.

MW : ...Garage-Rock album?

RM : Multi part answer here… the music I really consider Garage-Rock, I consumed from 45’s… The Count 5, Standells, Chocolate Watchband… all of those bands made really vibrant music that made you want to move. 

As far as an album goes, I consider Urge Overkill’s “Saturation” a modern Garage- Rock classic. That album rocks hard from start to finish with the same ferocity that those older bands had.

MW : What’s next?

RM : There’s a second podcast I’m working on which hasn’t been announced yet, but I’m very excited and proud to be a part of.

My next record will be released before summer this year (2019) - finishing touches on design etc are occurring now. 

http://www.richmahan.com/

© Mark Watkins / March 2019

[sentrava]

Baby, It’s Cold Outside: Stay Indoors With These 7 Winter Activities in OKC

The thing about traveling for meetings, conferences or other work events is that you don’t always have control over when you go where. Would I recommend someone travel to Nashville in January? Likely not. But regardless, you might find yourself here anyway for a convention. The same goes for Oklahoma City; while, sure, it’s a bit chillier than usual in the winter months, you’ll find a plethora of things to do in OKC in the winter—and a shiny new streetcar by which to explore many of them while staying warm.

Here are my tips for those of you traveling to the area—whether you’re on business as part of a meetings and convention groups, on a leisure vacation with your family os flying solo—this winter.

Order a Flight at Coop Aleworks

One major difference we’ve seen in the 18 months we’ve been regularly visiting Oklahoma City is the blossoming of the local beer scene. Vanessa House, Stonecloud Brewing and Prairie Artisan Ales are a few of our favorites, but Coop Aleworks leads the charge with its flagship F5 IPA available everywhere and $20 million expansion plans in the hopper at the 87,000-square-foot downtown Armory, which has been abandoned since 2010. The current brewery, about 20 minutes west of downtown near the airport, has taken advantage of recent legislative changes and now has full-service tap options for those who want to sample the staples and some of the experimental blends the brewers are cooking up. Growlers and tours are available.

If there’s time on your way out of town, swing by the Brewers Union, where many breweries like Vanessa House get their start through an innovative incubator model, with shared resources and marketing support.

Experience a Thunder Game

It was just my second-ever NBA game, though I used to work for the Lady Vols under Pat Summitt’s watch in college, and what a treat it was to be surrounded by thousands of loud, cheering OKC Thunder supporters. The venue, Chesapeake Energy Area, has nary a bad seat in the house, and live basketball with a legion of turned up fans is just about the best way to spend an evening if you’re a sports fan. The elevated options include a whole host of local food and beverage choices, with all-inclusive group and corporate bookings available during the weeknight that merge the experience onto the exclusive 2nd level concourse or even onto the court during warmups. Individual tickets can be purchased from fans or the ticketing office here.

Bonus: It’s right on the streetcar line, and the line often operates late or on Sundays to accommodate game schedules.

Learn More About OKC’s Spirit at the National Memorial

We’ve written about the iconic memorial in Oklahoma City a couple of times now, but it deserves a special visit while you’re visiting to remember the tragedy of the homegrown terrorism that struck the city—and country—in the mid-90s. The delicate touch that the existentially beautiful space embodies reminds both of us of how Germany handles its past, and is truly a must-see if you’ve never been. The walk-throughs, the timing, recordings, outdoor reflection pools, and objects of the investigation and final apprehension of Timothy McVeigh, who killed 168 people with a fertilizer bomb by parking a rented Ryder truck in front of a federal building on April 19, 1995, is a reminder and sacred experience for anyone interested in the history of the single worst terrorist attack in the United States outside of 9/11.

Nab a Lane at Dust Bowl

There’s nothing quite like slipping on a pair of bowling shoes, racking up a 10 pound ball and knocking down a slider strike, and the Dust Bowl has you covered with an experience that reckons with the past while raising the bar on the tired and sticky lanes of yesteryear. Hot chicken poppers, totchos, poutine, hamburgers and shakes rounds out the hygge experience you’ll have with a reserved lane in a quasi private area of the expansive and centrally located space.

After you’re through, head upstairs to the German-themed Fassler Hall for live entertainment, a pint or sausages and duck fat fries.

Have Your Mind Blown at the Cowboy Museum

The embodiment of American settlement and culture, the National Cowboy & Western Heritage Museum pays tribute to our country with an expansive archive of artifacts and stories about the history of the wild lands. From pre-expansion to the narrative of cowboy ethos, the sprawling grounds encapsulate just about everything there is to say about American Western civilization on the North American continent, when cattle drives, gold, God and exceptionalism shaped the formation of the contiguous states. Docent tours are available for groups that include specialized and immersive experiences.

Spend an Afternoon at Chisholm Creek

Twenty minutes north of town on a wide, open highway, the large, mixed-use development Chisholm Creek takes advantage of the breathing room that suburbia provides by sprawling out across 190 acres, with dining, lounge, sport and shopping options. The indoor skydiving facility is a first-class experience for those who don’t feel like hurling themselves out of a perfectly good airplane but still want the thrill of flying like a hang-gliding squirrel. The wind tunnel technology behind this sport makes it possible to suit up safely for an adrenaline rush like no other. Group and team-building packages are available, as are meeting spaces for get togethers.

If you’re a golfer who loves a challenge—or even a rookie who simply loves smashing a ball with a metal club—Top Golf is also located at Chisholm Creek. Featuring more than 100 temperature-controlled hitting areas, multiple bars and a full restaurant, this innovative twist on the sport elevates itself by using microchipped balls for tracking shots in a variety of competitive, computer controlled games. The expansive facility is tailor made for groups and the setup is very similar to a luxury bowling alley, with plenty of space to lounge while enjoying the day out. Company events can be booked here, and are all-inclusive. Private event spaces, meeting rooms and a rooftop terrace are also amenities worth mentioning.

Go for a Climb at Threshold

A monster climbing gym with more than 20,000 square feet of space, Threshold has a wide range of additional workout options that don’t involve rope and an orientation to gear. With a couple different yoga options, HIIT, Core Blast, sandbag fitness and, of course, basic and intermediate climbing classes, this is the spot to go if you’re one of those crazy people who likes to work out on the road. The heart of what Threshold does revolves around scampering up challenging, manmade rock walls and boulders, so bring your concentration (and core muscles) and explore the various workout spaces. There are also group team-building packages available for corporate crowds that break the mold and encourage trust between participants.

Seasonal Events

We happened to visit OKC during Downtown in December, which covers the streets in lights and other holiday-themed installations, and also includes one impressive holiday pop-up market (igloos, a big tree and all!) in Midtown right off of 10th Street, as well as ice-skating, Christmas decorations at Devon Energy Tower and Myriad Gardens’ Illuminations: Night Lights in Crystal Bridge.

If you’re looking for an off-peak time to take a group to Oklahoma City, December is a great choice with so many fun planned activities you could plug right into. For other monthly and seasonal events, check out Visit OKC’s calendar.

Looking for more Oklahoma City travel tips? Check out these ideas:

11 Reasons We’re Obsessed with OKC

Urban Whitewater Rafting in Oklahoma City

Where to Find the Best Murals and Street Art in OKC

Oklahoma City’s Art Game is Strong: Check Out These Creative Stops

Off the Rails: Where to Go Along OKC’s Streetcar Route

This post is part of an ongoing ambassador partnership with Visit OKC.

  PIN IT HERE

Baby, It’s Cold Outside: Stay Indoors With These 7 Winter Activities in OKC published first on https://medium.com/@OCEANDREAMCHARTERS

[tinymixtapes]

Interview: Sun Araw

Keeping it real these days is no easy feat, and finding something original to say is even harder. So it’s a blessing that we have folks like Cameron Stallones still out there, wading freely into the deep end in search of radical new visions to wrangle from the innersphere. It’s been a long journey he’s taken down the twisting pathways of Sun Araw, and musically it might seem like he’s come about as far as one can come from his early days of shredding echo loops into the psych-tropic canister. But mentally, he’s just been getting closer and closer to the point. Lately, Stallones has been flexing his Texas roots out with a shimmering question mark of an LP, The Saddle Of The Increate. It’s a deep and divine slice of frontier majesty, an unclassifiable and homespun Herculean epic as interpreted by a single grain of sand caught between your teeth. Stallones had a lot to dish about it, so we had the following chat over pupusas and a few games of pool, and as you can see, the conversation tended to shift about, like the colors of clouds hanging sweetly over a balmy Utah sunset… --- So before we dive into the new record, I have to ask what’s going on with Alex Gray? He seemed like a really big part of the project for a few years, but I haven’t seen you two play together in a minute, and it seems like he’s done making music as D/P/I. Well he and Jessica [Smurphy] actually just moved to the Yucatan. We might do some European touring together soon, because getting him a flight over there is easy, and we don’t gotta rehearse, me and him. But for playing anywhere else, he’s a bit out of the zone. He’s an extremely passionate dude, and when he goes in a direction, he goes in the direction. He’ll definitely keep making music, and you can quote that [laughs]. He might not share it with anyone else, but it’s in his bones. He’s literally one of the finest musicians I’ve ever met in my life, and in a way that’s so natural and organic. As an instrumentalist, he can play circles around me on anything, except maybe keyboards, which I can’t really play either. But on guitar, and sax, and drums, he’s insane, and it just comes from his natural mojo. It’s part of his being, you just watch it unfold. When we had to stop playing when he moved, it was tough to readjust. Because we had been playing together for almost six or seven years at that point, and I hadn’t realized how symbiotic what we were doing had become. When he was gone I all of a sudden had to rebuild the structure, and be like, ‘What do I want the live thing to be like?’ And I hadn’t had to think about that when he was there, because our minds would just meet and then become something. There are definitely two distinct phases of Sun Araw in my mind, where before there was all the early Not Not Fun fuzz, and now there’s this new wave that’s driven by these sparse, blippity rhythms, and it does feel very symbiotic with what he was doing as D/P/I. He really inspired me to start using a laptop, because now I use a laptop live and I don’t think I’ll ever go back. I might find other ways to integrate it, but… it’s always been a looping band, and I think we got it to a really cool place, me and Alex, where we were doing audio looping but it really didn’t sound like it or feel like it. But once you move to MIDI looping, the possibilities are literally infinite. Once you’ve tasted that, I can’t imagine wanting to go back. I just don’t understand on a physical level how you actually make music like you do now. Granted, I don’t really have experience working with MIDI controllers, but your music just doesn’t even sound like looping anymore. It’s so changing, it feels like it never truly repeats itself, even for just one loop. I mean a lot of it on Belomancie and the new one isn’t looping, really. But it’s still sort of psychologically looping, if that makes sense? It’s like, I’m hearing the loop in my head, but I’m playing something different. I think I still structurally think about music that way. I think that’s forever burned into me, for better or worse. And it can be kind of limiting compositionally — you’ll notice not a lot of Sun Araw songs have like, chord changes [laughs]. More recently some of them do, but that was always by design. It was always by seeking after a certain trajectory. Well the new one definitely has some notable chord changes in there. It feels like these may be the first true ‘songs’ in the Sun Araw catalog. I definitely knew when I started seeing what was happening when I was making it, that that was going to be part of it. You might ask, who rides in the saddle? It’s a very interesting question. It’s like a koan. No one. No one rides in the saddle. But no one is something. Nothing is demonstrable. So, why cowboys? What got you riding on the honky tonk train? There are honestly three things that came together that made the record what it is. There was this one day where I was watching these four Q.E.D. lectures that Richard Feynman gave in New Zealand in the mid 70s, and that was a big part of it. Then there was this Alice Bailey book that I was reading about the Zodiacal interpretation of the Labors of Hercules, which I had never considered, but there are 12 labors of Hercules, and then there are the 12 signs of the Zodiac, so it’s a book showing how the story is just a walk through the Zodiac, among other things. And then there was this really profound… there’s this restaurant in Alhambra that’s the only restaurant in L.A. I think that serves food from Borneo. I was going there a lot, and just eating this super-thin, super-spicy, hot, seafood egg noodle soup, you know? And I jokingly started calling it a South Asian cowboy record to myself. But the cowboy thing really came from this realization — the Hercules thing was interesting to me, because I had never really thought about the Hercules myth or cared about it at all, or even seen it as deep, and then it was like, ‘Oh, well here’s an in-road to understand it.’ And it’s all just like herding cattle. He has to rope these horses, then he has to go catch this boar, then the last one, the Pisces one, is he has to herd the Cattle of Geryon, and Geryon is this monster, this three-bodied, three-headed, three-everything monster that guards these cows. And Hercules has to get these cows and put them in a golden cup and sail them across the ocean. It’s a cool story. So the record does have a narrative, which is a first, and it’s the story of that. Me trying to retell that story, but then also in the midst of this investigation I discovered that there’s this group of people called the Toraja, a tribe on the island of Sulawesi, Indonesia. They’re mostly known for these incredibly elaborate funerals that they do, where the funeral bankrupts your family for generations. You build a whole village, and you raise money for the funeral, which can take 20 to 30 years, so you keep the dead body preserved in your house, and you bring it to dinner and you put food in front of it, you live with it for all that time, for years, with this corpse. And then you have this huge festival where you invite the whole island, and you spend every dime you have on it, and some that you don’t, but then everyone has to bring tributes, so you kind of get paid back, I think. And it’s just wild, it’s this week-long ceremony that goes on and it’s multifaceted. But what I got really interested in was that they have these temples that they build, and the temples are shaped like saddles. So like, “Heaven is a saddle” is one of the refrains of the record, and you might ask, who rides in the saddle? It’s a very interesting question. It’s like a koan. No one. No one rides in the saddle. But no one is something. Nothing is demonstrable. It’s interesting to me how cowboys are this old-fashioned, mythical thing in America, usually associated with an older time, but you’re bringing it up while your music is easily as far out as it’s ever been, easily as non-referential to anything that’s come before it. That’s really flattering to me, because those are two of the things that I care about the most when making music. I want it to be as futuristic as possible, and I don’t want it to sound like anything I’ve ever heard before. And it’s a struggle to do those things, and sometimes you ask real hard questions. Sometimes I’ll make something for hours and listen back and go, “Am I crazy? What is this?” But I’m really satisfied with how everything came together on this one. There is a logic to it, and I think part of what becomes interesting for me as an artist is to cast that logic further and further out, or deeper and deeper inside the music, so what you’re actually listening to is generated by the logic, but you’re not hearing the logic. You’re not hearing the bassline like it really would be played in a certain sense, you’re hearing an abstraction of it. It’s like making a sketch of a sketch, it’s a really curious sort of process. I feel like your music has always had a really strong sense of humor to it too, all the MIDI presets, and riffs that are so simple and off-the-cuff that they sound almost amateur, there’s always some goofiness afoot. But The Saddle Of The Increate does feel much more upfront about this. Yeah, it’s a comedy. I felt like I had to say that too because I felt like people might not realize that it is supposed to be funny. Like, just so you know [laughs]. It’s okay to laugh at this. I’m definitely laughing at it. I know improvisation is a big part of what you do, but with these explicit narratives and more complex instrumental styles that you’re into now, do you think there’s less of that on Saddle than before? No, it really is improvised actually. I just jam in a room. I jam a keyboard for nine minutes, and then I jam a guitar on top of that for nine minutes. I just sit there and record every track. So it’s really very, very improvised, and almost never forethought. Sometimes I’ll be like, “Oh, I want a transition in this song!” So maybe I’ll surgically insert something that isn’t originally there, but that’s very rare actually. It’s interesting that you say that because this album especially, whether it’s improvised or composed, it does feel more constructed compared to your previous work. I think that’s true. I was trying that, I think it’s much more compositional. I wanted the compositions to be really strong and to be elaborated in a certain way. But it’s interesting because it really is generated from improvisation, and I only harp on that because it’s very important to my understanding of inspiration. I really don’t feel that inspiration is a thing that people have, I think it’s a place people can go. And I think that we share large pieces of emotional territory, like we all know sorrow, right? It’s like a countryside full of stuff. And as it gets more and more fundamental to the human existence, it becomes more and more in common, the things that we all share. I think that inspired art comes from those places, it comes from psychological space. If you go deep into psychological space and your imagination, you can pull out these things. But the reason it can resonate across centuries, the reason Hercules can make a difference to me, or Alice Bailey who wrote that book in 1917, is that they’re touching something that’s held in common. You recognize it. It comes to you, and maybe it’s in a different format than you’ve ever seen before, because you don’t look at Byzantine painting or whatever, but you recognize something, and that’s why you feel something. And you might not be able to articulate it — usually when it’s at a really high level, you definitely can’t articulate it, because it’s happening in a space that is above the duality of language. But I think for me, improvising is the way that I practice figuring out how to go to that country all the time. Because I think that almost everyone gets kind of a free ride there once or twice, that’s why a lot of people can make a great album, or a great painting. But to continue that over the course of a career, we all see our favorite artists take pits and falls. It’s a windy road. But there are people that I see where I can tell that they’ve maintained, and the practice becomes, “How do I get a free ticket back to inspiration? How do I get there on a regular basis with my will?” It makes you a servant of the muse, that’s what they used to call it. And I’m about that. Servant of the muse, for sure. So that’s the ticket is always playing, always recording it? I think for me, it’s the way I can push myself out of my intellectual mind. Because I don’t think the intellectual mind has the deepest root in a person. I think there are parts of us that are not intellectual that are actually much more fundamental and generative of our experience. So when it comes to composition, plotting a chord change versus playing one in a moment, they’re completely different things. Because one is being generated from the intellectual mind, which is cool and it can do all sorts of stuff, but what it’s really good at is craft, and inspiration is not craft. Inspired art is not craft. I would say that most music is craft, it’s the recreation of a form, or the working out of a genre or a form or something. And obviously because of how I’m saying this and the context in which I’m saying it I’m gonna sound like I’m being judgmental of that, but actually a lot of my favorite music is craft. A lot of reggae and dub is craft, it’s taking fixed forms and experimenting and extrapolating, but really crafting these objects, crafting dubs, you know? And that’s part of the creative practice, all art involves craft at some level of its production. But before that comes the inspiration. And then obviously you see art that’s committed to finding new territory, and not crafting objects that are recognizable, but creating something totally new. That’s a totally different part of the mind that is able to do that, it’s the sort of thing that makes you dream, and all that stuff. Having like 50 guitar amps and five distortion pedals is a certain kind of power, but a single digital koto note played in silence is a totally different kind of power. This is sort of a non-sequitur, but do you listen to classical music much? I do, more and more. Especially early 20th century like Górecki, Varése is really huge for me, Charles Ives, a lot of that stuff has become really interesting to me. Kind of just creeping backwards from Stockhausen and people like that, and seeing, ‘Who were their heroes?’ I just read this book called Give My Regards to Eighth Street, it’s a really amazing collection of essays by Morton Feldman just all about that time, about all those dudes just chilling and hanging, and it sounds groovy dude. They were up to some business in New York. It was really inspiring to imagine a creative group of people all sharpening each other, and seriously discussing the principles of what they were doing. The reason I bring it up is just because recently, like specifically the last couple of days, I’ve been making a push to actually dig deeper into classical music and understand it more. Because I’ve listened to a lot of that 20th century stuff, a lot of minimalism and Stockhausen and the crazier music from the past century or so, but I’m still a total stranger to… Yeah you’re talking like, Mahler. That’s sick dude, Beethoven is crazy. Exactly. But we’re on this subject of craft, and I just can’t imagine that sort of music being improvised. Listening to that music, it’s so put together. But also, also: Mozart and Beethoven both describe the experience of being able to perceive their compositions outside of time. They both talked about hearing it all at once, and then they would have to write it out. There’s documented writing of them discussing that. And that’s very interesting, because to me, in the framework that I just laid out, that implies that that shared psychological space is outside of time. So the perception of time is something that is maybe produced by our senses, but isn’t fundamental to mind. Like mind is not necessarily inside time. And that’s an experience, and that’s one experience among many sorts of experiences that humans express from time to time that have that quality, of being able to experience something, just for a moment, that doesn’t exist linearly in time. That doesn’t express itself in duality of now and later, and this and that, and hot and cold, you know? And then the difficulty of bringing that thing back and transcribing it into your 7th Symphony or whatever. It’s interesting to me. But you’re right, that transcribing part of it is the craft, that’s the chisel. And for me, it’s mixing. The playing is all inspiration, and then the mixing is all craft. And this record I mixed the longest I’ve ever mixed. This record took me the longest any record’s ever taken, almost three years, and the mixing was really deep because it’s the first the record I’ve ever made that was completely MIDI-generated. So basically when I’m recording, I’m recording data, not sounds. So I’ll pick a synth and I’ll jam on it, but then deep into the mixing process you can be like, ‘I wanna try a different synth.’ And with MIDIs you just have the data of what you played, and you can apply different synthesizers to it, and re-trigger stuff. Which to me was something I had never explored, so that made it take a lot longer. Because usually it’s like, ‘Well, it sounds kind of shitty, but I’m stuck with it!’ But with this it’s like, I can really tweak it forever. What do you think the ultimate difference is between your earlier music compared to what you make now? I just like clarity now. I think clarity is much more psychedelic. Obviously I think with the early stuff, it’s cool to create atmosphere with reverb and all that, and used well it’s really important, and I still like the way my old stuff sounds, I really do. But I don’t have any interest in doing that anymore. Because to me, when you say you want it to be as far out as it can be… I really am interested in psychedelic music, like psychedelic music as an active principle. Psychotropic music, music that when you listen to it, it changes the way you feel, and the way that maybe the room looks. And that was really what Belomancie was all about. In the writing for that album I said, “These songs are like corridors and chambers.” And I could tell you which song on there is which. Some of them are like corridors, and some of them are like chambers, where you sit and it’s in the room with you. And that’s something that I think has become super important in the way I create music now, I just want it to be extremely transformative to the space that it’s in. And being in a crazy psych-rock band like Magic Lantern or whatever, having like 50 guitar amps and five distortion pedals is a certain kind of power, but a single digital koto note played in silence is a totally different kind of power. And it’s, in my feeling, way, way more powerful. But also more delicate, and harder to hold together. And because of that I think sometimes the shows, when they go bad, it’s really hard. And it could just be the space, that you have to really fight something, because it really is hanging together on a thread. Photo: Iria Dust It does feel like your music needed time to eventually get to the level that it’s at now. Because all the earlier stuff, even though it is experimental, you can see how it might have a more wide appeal in the general psych-rock circuit, and make it onto popular video game soundtracks. That’s actually what’s really cool about it, it’s profound in its own way but it’s also easy to just hang to — but your newer music definitely raises the bar for the listener. Totally man, thank you. And that’s where I was at, that’s what I wanted to hear, and I’m really proud of that. That record especially, I mean all of them, honestly, but On Patrol in particular, I’m really proud of that record. When I listen to it now, it still has a quality where I think the way it was recorded — which was really crazy, I mean I still record in a similar way, but it was extremely primitive — but it sounds great to me. I wouldn’t really change anything about it, except maybe remaster it or something. But yeah, I think Inner Treaty was a line, where a lot of people didn’t cross that line. My albums have been progressively less “successful” in a music industry sense since that zone, and I totally understand that. It doesn’t surprise me, and I’m not bitter about it. But my interest is in making what I find interesting to make. That’s my priority. You’ve talked about the psychedelic experience, and how important it is in your work to convey that, but what does ‘psychedelic’ actually mean to you? It’s a word that gets tossed around a lot. Yeah, it means like, fuzz guitar, right? [laughs] No, it doesn’t mean fuzz guitar. It’s like how I was saying with the word ‘psychotropic’ — for me a psychedelic is something that you ingest in some way and it alters your perception. And of course demonstrably, everything does that. Water does that, the color of your shirt does that. Everything changes your experience. But the human mind has certain patterns that it follows normally when it’s left to its own devices, and the will isn’t being used in a really strong way. And it’s possible that there are other patterns, right? I mean you can breathe weird, like when you were a kid you ever do those things? Lean over and do the head rush, you can do all sorts of stuff [laughs]. To me, psychedelic is something that has a profound effect of cracking, breaking, giving space, or giving transformation to that normal brain function. Obviously unto that definition, anything can be psychedelic. Music, food, I mean dude Szechuan? Go have a crazy Szechuan dinner in San Gabriel, tell me that’s not psychedelic dude. You walk out of there tingling. You’re in a fire brass brassiere, it’s crazy. It is about change in a sense, and movement. The sense of not just staying on one unmoving path. Well some people would say that part of the problem is that we always change, but the problem is we don’t realize that. We pledge allegiance to a part of our self that actually is not the main part of our self. Change allows you to notice. Like, you don’t notice what apps are running on your phone until you look. And then suddenly you realize, ‘Oh, all these apps are running, it’s slow,’ and it’s like, yeah, well you got 10 apps running! I mean, I don’t like to compare the mind to a computer, but it is a decent analogy, right? You see some people who sees things like they’re just running an app, it’s just a filter between them and the world. And the mind is that, the mind is like a filter, it takes in stuff and interprets it. So when you know that, there’s not a problem. When you don’t know that, it’s a problem. Because then you’re like, ‘Well that’s just how it is!’ And it’s like, well, for you in this exact moment of space-time, which was actually different five minutes ago but you didn’t even notice because you’re not even aware that you’re changing. The person that wanted to go get a snack is not the same person that is talking to his wife on the phone, you know what I mean? They’re different people. So I think change is cool. I got really ratified by [Marshall] McLuhan at a young age, which is weird [laughs]. He was the first media theorist, ‘the medium is the message,’ that was his deal. It’s deep, but his vibe was that it doesn’t matter what’s on TV, TV is TV. TV is the medium, TV is the message. The medium is the message. And it’s the same thing, people don’t realize that just watching TV changes the way you think about everything. It changes the way you experience the world, it changes everything about you. So he was really about eliminating the Western-European idiom from early philosophy to now, which has been based on this idea of the objective third-person point of view, that there’s an objective reality. And that’s not demonstrably true! [laughs] Whose is it? What does it look like? It’s all being experienced by someone and therefore interpreted. There’s not one world, there’s thousands and thousands of worlds. I don’t think the intellectual mind has the deepest root in a person. I think there are parts of us that are not intellectual that are actually much more fundamental and generative of our experience. I know you’re originally from Austin, did that play into the vibe you had making this album? Definitely, I love country music. To me the pedal steel guitar is literally the most beautiful instrument in the world. There’s nothing that I want to hear played more than a pedal steel guitar, someone that can really play that thing is like… I can’t describe the way it makes me feel. So that’s always been something I’ve wanted to include in the band, and for whatever reason the time was right for all this love to come out. I also have to give a shout-out to discovering Terry Allen’s records. He was a huge inspiration for these songs. Someone handed me Juarez maybe two-and-a-half years ago and it blew my mind. And the writing thing with this record, the lyrics, I spent much more time on them than I ever have before. I was really interested in stretching that part of it. Because I like to write, I enjoy writing, but I’ve always had a hard time because there are certain words that I don’t want to hear myself sing, you know what I mean? [laughs] I’m not confident with my voice, so I can write things that I think are great, but it could never be a song because I won’t sing the word, like…whatever [laughs]. I just can’t stand it. The thing about the Terry Allen records is the scope. Like Juarez, it’s funny because that album is literally just piano and voice, and that’s it, but the scope of that record feels so immense because of the way it’s written. And I was really inspired by that and I wanted to challenge myself to do something like that, because I had never tried to write something that felt really generous and lengthy and that you could really go into in some way. And I don’t know what you would get out of it, because I think it’s not clear what it’s really about [laughs]. At least in a certain way, I think the sentiment is present. There’s a lot of specificity in the writing for me, but that’s meaningless to anybody else. And it’s not actually worth sharing because it’s totally meaningless, it was just what I used to generate the thing, but the thing is now its own thing. Do you miss Austin at all? I really do because my parents don’t live there anymore, so I never get to go back. I would go back for SXSW, which was just the fool’s errand of fool’s errands. I went there three times in a row always promising myself, “This is the last time I’m ever coming to this fucking psychopathic…” It’s like the worst tumor of Western culture, the idea of what fun is. Like a music festival? It’s like, brought to you by Skynet! You can’t imagine worse circumstances to play or listen to music. If you sat a team of people down to be like, ‘What’s the worst imaginable venue situation to watch music and to play music?’ they would come up with SXSW. It’s beyond reason. And I had a really good time there in the early days when there were all those parties you could play, cause those were always great. But then they cracked down on that shit. It’s like, ‘Why don’t you come and play for 250 bucks,’ it’s absurd. And obviously there aren’t 700 sound men and women in Austin, so it’s just some poor bartender who’s pissed, and you walk in the door and you’re unrolling your first cable and they’re like, ‘Hurry up man you’re cutting into your set time!’ And then all the PA’s are on limiters because you can’t have a show here and a show next door and a show next door because of the sound bleed, so everyone has to play really quietly, so artists are always trying to turn themselves up more because it’s so quiet, so they’re always distorting through the PA because they’re maxing out their levels and they’re fighting some bitter-ass drunk bartender who’s just like ‘fuck you bro.’ It’s totally insane. I’ve never been before and that’s definitely the vibe I get, it doesn’t really make me want to go. It seems like the music is just the label they put on the package. It’s just hardly noticeable, and hundreds of thousands of good bands play there every year, and no one knows. I mean I’ve seen some powerful performances there, there’s places where you can control the vibe a little more. But for the most part, for someone like me, it’s just like eating dog turds. It’s like, I’m not gonna punish myself like this. I’m not gonna present my music in a place where it’s bound to fail, that’s just being irresponsible. On the flipside, how do you feel about L.A. these days? I really, really, really love L.A. It’s complicated, but I really love it, and I have a hard time imagining leaving it. I think if I left I would probably just leave the country, because that’s the only thing that would be attractive enough. But I truly love this city, the proximity to nature first and foremost, and the food secondmost… San Gabriel Valley is a gift to humanity. I never dreamed Chinese food could make me feel that way. It’s kind of my biggest hobby, eating noodles in the San Gabriel Valley. I’ve talked about it at other times so I don’t want to repeat myself too much, but it really is a city unlike New York or Chicago or the other major cities in America, where it had no modernist planning, really. Outside of the downtown area, which is the catty-corner, it’s its own little grid, but the city isn’t laid out on a grid, it’s sprawl. It’s like the first really major sprawl, and it was generated by all this crazy immigration. Where I live, in Glendale, there are more Armenians in Glendale than there are in Armenia. And it’s this strange diaspora that happened, I think mostly due to the tragic goings-on there at the beginning of the century. Even the San Gabriel Valley for that matter, it’s this busted, faded, SoCal 70s suburb that’s turned into this hopping, super-deep Chinese neighborhood where you go to places and there’s no English anywhere. But it’s in a place that used to be a Taco Bell in the 70s, with the old Taco Bell architecture. The good Taco Bell architecture [laughs]. And it’s just totally psychedelic and crazy. And then there’s the film industry obviously, which is the main, maybe not originally, but quickly became the main financial power here. And that’s literally the manifestation of imagination. That’s the industry. The manifestation of imagination and all the cancerous calcification of goo around that, around people who are inspired and those who try to take advantage of that, to get a piece of it. That is the other main sort of architectural force here, so it’s a really, really cool place to live. Especially on the East, it’s so green, there are so many parks I can go to so close to my house where after five minutes of walking I can’t see or hear the city. And of course, the weather. Yeah I love it out here too man, it’s such a fascinating city. Even though it does have these terrible aspects to it, it all still plays into what’s so special about it. I mean there are parts of it that feel like hell. Also, because of the nature of it, and this is the film analogy, Los Angeles makes you the editor. You edit your version of the city, because it’s so big. I’ve got my zones, and they get bigger and they expand and you add new ones all the time, but there are places I never go. Like, I never go to Olive and Highland, unless I’m trying to see a movie at the Kodak or something. But yeah, it’s crazy. And dude, California? Because I love Texas, I really do, I have such a warm and deep blood-level resonance with central Texas just because it’s where I’m from, but the High Sierra? Yosemite? Joshua Tree? Anza-Borrego? The ocean, up and down, Big Sur? I mean it’s psychotic, it’s like, can’t let too many people find out [laughs]. I went on a backpacking trip for the first time this year. I’d done tons of hiking, like really extensive day hiking even, like 20-plus miles a day, but I had never done a backpacking trip. So I went on a 10-day trip across the High Sierra, from Sequoia over to Mount Whitney, and it was just like… it’s so necessary. To be in a place where you have to walk three days to get there? That’s the only way you can get there is to walk three days. I had never experienced a place like that. A place like that feels super-different from a city. And it does things to you. If you’re responsive to it, it tunes you. Because you’re there, and you can’t relate to it the way you relate to the city, so you start to relate to it in a different way, and then you start to feel really good. And then you realize, oh wait, people are supposed to relate to nature, but on a regular basis. Because it makes you behave differently and think differently and feel differently, it’s psychedelic, you know? And then you come out and it’s transformative, it’s really important. You recognize something, and that’s why you feel something. And you might not be able to articulate it — usually when it’s at a really high level, you definitely can’t articulate it, because it’s happening in a space that is above the duality of language. But I think for me, improvising is the way that I practice figuring out how to go to that country all the time. You mentioned how green it is out here, and I think that might be part of the reason why I’ve always liked your music. I’ve always been really drawn to the color green, and just in terms of the sounds you use and your artwork, I get a lot of green vibes from it. Woah. I get it man, greenery is big for me. Like, lush. Central Texas is very green, it’s not like West Texas or North Texas, it’s lakes and rivers and hills and big, old Cypress trees and oak trees. That’s deep in me, and then also obviously the jungle has always deeply held fascination for me. There’s always been a heavy jungle vibe in the stuff I’ve done, and I’ve tried to explore that and expand that a lot. I don’t think that most things sound that way necessarily, but yeah, it’s a deep color man. It’s the biggest part of the spectrum. I didn’t know that, someone recently showed that to me. Because it’s the middle, ROYGBIV, right? And it’s because the spectrum is parabolic, so as you approach ultraviolet or whatever, and it goes from green to blue, etc., it changes faster. So it’s green for the longest in that bottom of the halfpipe, and then as you go up the half-pipe the colors change really fast. Oh my god dude, that’s good. It’s good, right? It’s really nice. http://j.mp/2rGVsEA

[rilenerocks]

  This evening I went outside at about 8:20 pm to take my recycling container to the curb for early morning pick-up. There was still plenty of light for this time of day and I suddenly realized that the summer solstice would arrive this weekend. The longest daylight hours of the year. And that from then on, we’ll lose a minute of daylight every day until the winter solstice arrives in December. The year is halfway over. I felt astonished by that fact while simultaneously, I recognize that for the most part, in recent months, time has felt like it’s running through my hands like water. How is it possible that during this time of pandemic, quarantine and limited choices, that hours melt away while the lines between days blur? I’m sure there’s a psychological explanation for this phenomenon, although there haven’t been many moments in history like this one. Perhaps for other people, young ones in particular, the days drag on, seemingly endless in their monotony. Frankly, I don’t know much about anyone but me and those few people who are close enough to share their thoughts and feelings with me. I feel like I’m racing to keep pace with everything, from the little changes happening daily to my mind and body, to the news bombs dropping, lighting blazes that should keep my focus for a long time, but don’t because there are too many flaring everywhere. I’ve had an internal app for that which goes back to my twenties when I was trying to figure out how to rank what I needed to do in order of importance. I visualized this big ball of life, not particularly a smooth circle, but with bits of tasks protruding at the oddest angles. Eventually I learned that seeing the overall picture was one thing – trying to work with it as a single entity was bad news. So my inner voice repeated over and over, “break this down into smaller manageable pieces and do the most important ones first.” That rule has always worked for me and I’ve passed it along to my family and friends, even when they didn’t ask for my opinion. Lately, though, I’ve been struggling to stick with the program. Everything feels really important right now. So much so, that I feel a little lost in the rush of events.

This year I’ve had a lot of friends’ deaths and illnesses that have left their painful marks on me. My friend of 50 years, Julie, finally died after a long decline from cancer. Hers was the most challenging for me, part of a small group of women from my youth with whom there was still a deeply intimate bond. And there was sweet Nick who worked for Michael, victim to the demon depression, and Lidia, an artist and part of my social circle when my kids were young, taken by the coronavirus.  There were lots of famous  cultural icons who’ve died too. Kobe Bryant, John Prine, Little Richard.

The talented musician and lyricist David Olney is gone as is the comic, Jerry Stiller and Kenny Rogers, a musician from my childhood years. I started realizing I can’t remember all the deaths as they’re lost in a faceless sea of Covid19 victims. Is the virus the top priority? It’s still here and still actively tearing through our society. As with everything else, there’s a division between those who are taking it seriously and those who are basically done with it. I’ll never understand why wearing a mask which can potentially protect the vulnerable is so controversial for people. Impinging on their individual freedom. That says a lot to me. For a huge swath of the population, selfishness is the credo – not community responsibility. Right now I know four people who are in cancer treatment. The idea that simply crossing paths with an asymptomatic carrier could make them sicker during their time of being immunocompromised enrages me. But talk about lives lost. What about the boiling rage that’s poured into the streets all over the world? George Floyd could never have imagined what an international furor his murder would ignite. The centuries-old oppression of people of color is a deep stain on humanity. So much barbarism and so many lives taken. I can barely assimilate it all.  While the virus carouses and people of different colors and genders demonstrate for fair treatment, below our feet, in our waters and the air, climate change is churning away, threatening the existence of everyone and everything on this planet. Climate change

World has six months to avert climate crisis, says energy expert

International Energy Agency chief warns of need to prevent post-lockdown surge in emissions

Fiona Harvey Environment correspondent

Thu 18 Jun 2020 00.00 EDT

Yesterday, I read the article with the above title in The Guardian. Hardly encouraging, to say the least.  So here we are. Volatile and at risk. Every day there’s something new to think about. North Korea blows up a building where negotiations for cooperation are taking place. A warning is given internally in the US about not resuming nuclear testing. India and China are warring on their border. Oddly, the Supreme Court handed down two unexpectedly liberal decisions which inflamed Trump who thought he’d effectively rigged that court. Frankly, so did I. What a blitz of wide-ranging topics. Swinging around mentally from issue to issue, I suddenly began thinking about Captain Brett Crozier. Remember him? He was the captain of the USS Theodore Roosevelt who got fired for writing a letter about needing to dock the ship to prevent widespread transmission of Covid19 amongst his crew. They wound up in Guam, where many, including Crozier, tested positive and were quarantined. The way he was treated created blowback. The person who fired him resigned and there was a recommendation that Crozier’s commission be restored. But then, at least for me, he vanished from the headlines. I looked him up and found that in the beginning of May, he was reassigned to San Diego in a temporary position as assistant to a Naval Air Forces chief of staff. He is still being scrutinized in a further investigation. A big story that got little in a hurry, like so many others. Whew! What an exhausting whirlwind.

I’m slowing this cycle down. There are a few things in my control.  When I go out in the world I wear my mask, sanitize anything I can and wash my hands. I’m home almost all day every day, still practicing social distancing. I went to a supportive march for the Black Lives matter movement. I’m growing food organically in my garden and creating a welcoming habitat for threatened pollinators. I donate what I can to organizations that support hungry people and that are working hard to restore ecological balance in the world. I’m hoping we have more than six months for such a massive effort. I’m an ally to oppressed people of all colors and sexes and think often about how to do better in that position. Yesterday, I had the pleasure of writing to a young woman who won the scholarship named for my husband, which is annually awarded to a student who excelled in history and social sciences at the school where he taught. She wrote an insightful paper about Alexander Hamilton and plans to major in journalism in college. She was president of her Habitat for Humanity club and editor-in-chief of the school paper. She wrote that she has a social conscience. I’m so happy that I can in a very small way, carry on Michael’s engagement with young people and pass on his messages. I’m hoping to keep on with this tribute to him and those students as long as I can.

But I’m also going to be still.  I’m going to try to keep my head on straight. I’m going to enjoy my garden. I’m listening to new music every day. I’m watching the birds with my binoculars and enjoying their behavior as they cohabitate with me. I’m writing more. I need to draw more too. When I’m with my grandsons, I want to have fun with them, but I want to teach them too. Making a contribution to their growth is important to me. Life is certainly busy, but I can contain some of the overwhelming parts. I ordered myself a little pool. Years ago, Michael and I had one and sometimes it was just great to loll around in cool water. I miss swimming and dream of it, but for now, this will have to do. Sometimes I just close my eyes and visualize Michael from head to toe, which has a remarkably comforting effect on me. I toy with writing a book on the sexuality of older women but so far my kids have begged me for restraint.

No matter what happens next, I want to savor these small moments. I have no idea what catastrophe may appear next. I do know how I’m not getting any younger and that my future will be filled with challenges. Time to practice self-awareness.  You can find me in my yard if you’re looking for me. Yell. I won’t be able to hear because of my headphones. I’m hoping I can use the outside as often as possible during the last half of the year. I don’t know how many years I get.  Not going to squander any time if I can help it.

  Summer Solstice This evening I went outside at about 8:20 pm to take my recycling container to the curb for early morning pick-up.