#i always get a lil frustrated when i have nothing new to show

[bunanawhale]

i dont always post non-art stuff here to make things easier to navigate as i use this blog for portfolio-esque purposes but i truly do appreciate the kind words in the tags/reblogs i get from my art! i tend to have fluctuating interests so you’ll see me get into one thing and onto another but it still makes me happy to have my works supported—be it fanart or something a little more self-indulgent , as well as little sketches and doodles that i happen to share out of a whim ☺️💕

[thesamoanqueen]

Bimini Dream

A/N: When I wrote it the mood was completely different, it was an inspiration born from a friend suggestion, but seemed correct to me wait before posting it. It has nothing to do with what happened and I won't write anything about it for the same reason I haven't published this story until today, Roman is a character/Joe a real human being and there's a big difference for me. Breaks are useful to understand what our priorities are, unfortunately life is not always a dream or a vacation, but we all should appreciate what we have.

Warnings: Smut, Fluff, 18+ Inspired by Naked - Doja Cat

Giving up his spot hadn't been what he imagined, what he had prepared himself for. It had been difficult, exhausting, even more so after the first few weeks. Four years had the ability to make everything a habit and when the time for big projects had arrived, the impulse had still been to be present no matter what had happened. Your relationship had been put to the test. Roman had seen you angry, frustrated, disappointed even, troubles in paradise that Roman didn't want and risked taking away more than a belt from him. You wanted the best for him, the best for the new chapter of his, your, life together and he couldn't get it with old habits, you were right, as always. So he had learned to control from afar, focusing on the next project, without answering every call or request that didn't personally concern the work he had pending. Months had passed, a time in his mind that was confused, short and even endless, but the well-deserved vacation had finally arrived. Not a one-day break between filming, interviews and meetings for new projects, a real vacation with his woman.

A paradise for the two of you. Made of palm trees and crystal water, fresh sheets and feet sinking into the damp sand of a private club in Bimini. Days spent away from chaos getting drunk and kissing, caresses and massages to take away the memory of punches and bruises, your laugh in his ears at all hours. You were happy and carefree like a lil girl again and Roman was unable to take his eyes off you in those moments, sure of wanting this for your entire life together.

His eyes scanned you, as you slipped out of the sundress just beyond the threshold of the private area, your thong bikini to greet him provocatively between soft curves dirty with sand and salt. The sound of a song hummed all the way to the dining room table to grab some fruit and disappear onto the balcony overlooking the beach. Just the time to get a drink for himself and attracted like a sailor by his mermaid, Roman followed you out, sitting on the sofa to enjoy the show you were delighting him with. The wavy movement of your hips is hypnotic, the water sliding between your barely covered breasts is an invitation as dangerous as your fingers, busy washing a day of snorkeling off your skin. The taste of fruit and alcohol on his tongue unable to wash away his thrist and your eyes finally finding him, as bright as the familiar smile forming on your lips.

- "Why are you looking at me like that?" – he hears you ask, continuing to massage your thighs.

- "You' enjoying yourself"

It wasn't a question, but pure pride, the reward for his efforts. He would have given you anything if you had only asked, spoiling to the point of forcing you to say enough, his absolute priority was you, the pulsating engine of his continuous success. He couldn't have looked at you any other way than with adoration, gratitude. Always there for him, always ready to support and push him.

- "I’d have more fun if you came to keep me company" – you mutter, a playful pout and a hand reaching out to call him.

And how could Roman say no to you? He didn't want to, he had never been capable of doing so, and putting down the drink, he freed himself from his tank top to join you under the cool water of the shower, his hands quickly finding your body, those curves where his muscles fit like a puzzle to reveal the rough skin under his fingers.

- "You're still covered in sand" – he notices, cleaning you carefully, while you lean forward, filling the space between you two until your breaths mix.

- "Nope, it's brown sugar scrub, you wanna taste it?"

A whispered offer, almost a secret, even though you already knew his answer. He had always been a hungry man, but you awoke a feverish need in him, the urgency to consume you and be consumed furiously as soon as your eyes met in a complicit silence.

- "Mmh you keep testing me" – he noted, placing an innocent kiss on your nose, already feeling your fingers free him from the bun and copy with a real kiss.

Flavor of mango and dragonfruit surrounds him, an inviting aftertaste when your teeth bite into him slowly, eliciting a dangerous moan from him that makes you smile devilishly, drawing Roman even further under the water. His hands stop you, gripping your round hips, dark locks dripping onto your breasts. The silence of the empty beach not far from you two, now filled by the sound of close breaths, growing tension making Roman’s muscles tense and your core soften.

- "‘cause you’re too good" – fingers caressing his broad chest, running your nails over the shiny tattoo up to his broad shoulders, to lock behind his neck – "now can we get naked?" – you finally ask.

The new offer is not a secret nor whisper, there was nothing playful about it, just pure desire and Roman is a good man, but sure not a saint, so he grabs you by the back of your neck, forcing you to tilt your head, watching in admiration as your breathing stops for a moment already, a silent moan for his sudden commanding behavior leaving your honey lips.

- "Strip for me babygirl, slow, show me first" – he orders against your ear, licking away his own words before taking a step back, just one and enjoying the show.

Your hands leave him sadly, but you obey, moving your wet hair from your shoulder to play with the thin string holding up your colorful bikini top. You pull it down, slowly, stretching the fabric until the bow comes undone and Roman watches it fall at your feet like anyone should have. He follows your fingers caress from your collarbones to your breasts, full and perfect for his hands and passes one over his face, moving away his hair, while yours slide down the belly he loves to kiss down to what he loves to eat. Bimini had its own fountain of eternal youth, Roman's was there between your soft thighs, always ready to welcome him, juicy and tasty like the fruit you wrapped your lips around every day for breakfast. He watches you turn, eye over your shoulder and crouch down to take off your thong, leaving it to keep company to the top. When you get up Roman can't hold back a sound of approval, eyes glued to the two brown hills that you rub on his already hard boner, and then turn around and caress him.

- "Why you keep standing there? Don't you want to slip into something more pleasant?" – your body presses against his, breasts tickling his muscles - "… maybe me?" – you invite him and his mouth finds yours without waiting a second more.

Neither of you tries to go easy, you kiss without haste, but consuming each other, cool water sliding on your heated bodies like Roman's tongue on yours. You suck on his lips as he maneuvers you to have total control and you let him do it, abandoning yourself against the wall to free him from the swimsuit he kept on for your day together. Roman kicks it away without care, growling hoarsely into your mouth as he feel you gripping his dick in your hands, torturing the head with a soft thumb until he break the kiss with a heated moan. He presses his forehead to yours, letting you prepare him, your mouth trailing kisses down his neck and shoulders, biting into sun-tanned skin and licking away water drop by drop.

- "There's no where else I'd rather be" – he squeezes your hip, smashing his other hand against the wall, your nipples rubbing against his chest and you smile.

- "I love how you look at me… makes me feel so special" - you meow against his mouth and it's enough to make him snap.

Oh, special would be an understatement to describe you.

Roman lifts you up effortlessly, his large hands on your round ass, letting your legs wrap around his hips like a belt. He would have gladly worn you for the rest of his days, anywhere, without shame if only it were possible, sinking into your soft folds sweeter than any victory. He watches as you throw your head back, shaken by the pleasure that hits both of you in finding each other and he takes the opportunity to suck your neck, giving a couple of lazy thrusts, to spread you and savor the spasms of your center that gets used to the presence of him. Your arms hold him, lips ready to cover him with soft kisses on his temples and freckles, fingers laced in the dark locks of his hair to pull them, make him growl and guide him to you.

His attentions will leave a mark on you, but neither of you cares. You have nothing to hide, you belong to each other and you both show it with pride. No one will pass by that beach, Roman had paid good money for your paradise and he didn't regret it at all. Everything to make you smile.

- " nhm… you're getting wet as fuck" – he hums, adjusting his posture to increase the pace.

His hips become more commanding as he feels you give in and with his face buried between your breasts, he works you without going all the way, spending his time playing your nipples, devouring and licking the sensitive flesh to reduce you to a gorgeous panting mess. Your nails dig into the back of his neck, onto his shoulders, your head resting on him, almost a hug, bodies impossible to separate and on his tongue that aftertaste of brown sugar.

- "R-Ro… ahn, keep doing that" – you moan, holding him against you.

His name belongs in your throat like a jewel, the kind of gift no one else could give you because only Roman knows what you need to satiate your thirst, what touch makes your body shivers and what is needed for a lovely bow. He grins, he knows not going deep makes you even more needy, he feels your heart hammering like the water falling at his feet, your moods dirtying his hard cock. Then he stops torturing your breasts, letting your body slide a little further down and the moan with which you delight his ears feeling him entirely Roman swallows it as he kisses you. Squeezed between the wall and his massive body, with no chance of escaping him, he moves an arm under your thigh to a new angle that makes you scream with the first thrust.

- "Hm, it's so g-good… God… more- more-" you beg, your gaze liquid, lips swollen.

- "I own this pretty pussy, hmm is mine. I know how to make her sing…" - he growls, pushing himself between your folds until you throb.

A satisfied smile spreads uncontrollably on his face, pride, possession, desire, love, a mixture in his guts that burns where your bodies are united and from which Roman cannot take his eyes off, mesmerized by the sight of your honey spread all over his flesh now that you are stretched to perfection. He watches your walls suck him in, clinging to the veins on his skin, hips moving incessantly, while your pleas become louder in his ears increasingly dizzy with growing pleasure.

- "P-please… Ro… there" – he knows where you want it, he knows what he has to do to see you faint in to his arms.

And he hits that spot, without mercy, giving you what you want, focusing on that weak point able of making you breathless and driving him to madness. The spasms of your body, soaked and panting, are shocks inducting him into a sort of competitive trance, his hands hooked at your side, at that thigh bent almost to his shoulder to have complete access to your core. You tremble, his flesh swelling your center every time he pushes into you, making him growl excitedly, sight matching the furious sensation of the now imminent climax. Your moans become strangled cries and then Roman shifts his gaze to your face, to intercept your almost desperate expression, the one that always anticipates your orgasm. When it finally arrives, he feels your nails digging into the flesh of his forearms and your voice fades into a delicious cry, he kisses you, hammering your sweetest spot without stopping for a second and he watches with pleasure the violent tremors of your body.

- "My precious girl… cum, you're so f-fuckin gorgeous" – he growls obscenely against your lips, seeing you open your eyes again with a lost expression, your hips swinging to meet his thrusts and please him too.

- "G-give it to-to me" – you beg, but it wouldn't even be necessary.

He finally puts you down, still holding you by the hips to avoid your legs playing a nasty trick and he enters you from behind, this time sinking completely, one hand on your ass to spread your soft buttocks. You meow, your sensitive center trembles from his intrusion and Roman throws his head back smugly, licking his lips, feeling the water run over his face and your hot folds around his flesh. He slides deep, his cock covered by your white nectar and energies gathering at the bottom of his abdomen ready at any moment to explode inside you. You are soft, familiar, holding you in his arms is a sensation capable of making him feel at peace with the world. Your hips roll tiredly, giving him everything you have and Roman thrust to take it, pounding deep inside you, the furious ecstasy of heat building every time his balls slap you making your back arch against the wall. He gave you what you wanted, always before himself, but now it's his turn. It's a violent, rough ride during which your sweet whispered words mix with his hoarse moans, legs burn, while he lowers his head and finally abandons himself to the wave that suddenly hits, dragging him inside you. The climax is overwhelming, Roman gasps, everything in him seems to empty inside your core, his hips fit into the beautiful curves of your body, mind blank and body unable of wasting a single drop of himself outside.

One of your hands finds him, resting on his forearm in a silent caress and when the hot wave it's finally over, Roman lowers himself onto you, placing a kiss on your back as you smile tiredly. You’re the one who breaks away from him, because for Roman it's an impossible feat he never tries to accomplish.

- "Such a hard working man" – you joke, wrapping your arms around him again.

Water slides against his back, washing away sweat and moisture from both your bodies, while he cradles you, your face pressed against his chest. Roman places a kiss in your head, a satisfied and soft smile on his face as he feels you hold him, so precious and for a moment the two of you stay there, until he’s again stable enough and he drags you out of the shower. You folllow, already knowing what he has in mind, fingers agreeing to leave him just long enough to wrap both of your bodies in white towels before walking back inside. Another refreshing glass to rehydrate and you and him collapse on the bed, hugging each other between the scented sheets, lulled by the sound of water and your breathing.

Tag squad: @sunnyfleur23 @racerchix21 @alyyaanna @expert-texpert @romanreignsdefencesquad @romanstheory @claymorexpunisher @keybladeofsteel @msbigredmachine @nayys-world @sortudademais @utika151209 @cumxxslutt @civildawn @romanmydaddy @triscillal @papireigns-05 @helensanders92 @darqchilddaydreamz @unfriendly--blvck--hottie @nicolewoo @joannasteez @reignsx @kianaleani @daguenoire @extra-11 @333creolelady @snowpanda18 @brattyfics @mzv11 @romanreignseater @dreamsinfocus @vebner37 @depressedneedingrevenge @cyberdejos2 @mahi-wayy @jxtina-86 @harmshake @southerngirl41 @smile1318 @headoftheetable @wrestlingprincess80 @tribalauthor

[neesieiumz]

𓆩☆𓆪 | 𝚂𝙷𝙴𝚁𝙸𝙵𝙵 ⸺ ⚞𝙴𝚁𝚆𝙸𝙽 𝚂𝙼𝙸𝚃𝙷 ⚟

⸻ synopsis ⫸〖 when your home gets flooded out by a bad storm, it's only right for sheriff erwin smith to help you out, right love?〗

⸻ warnings ⫸ sm*t. fluff. minors do not interact. part ii of the gold rush anthology. sheriff!erwin. bar-owner!reader. canon-age Erwin. reader is in her late twenties, or early thirties, however, you wanna see it. afab reader. female reader. black-coded reader. soft-dom!erwin. fingering. squirting. titty-sucking. full-nelson position (yes, can you tell I have a fantasy that I really wanna do?) soft-dom!erwin. he's also really stressed out in this. he also calls you "love" all the time. he also calls you a good girl during this as well. friends-to-lovers. p*rn with plot.

⸻ writers note ⫸ lol much like reiner's this took me like two months to write. y'all better pray it don't take me that long to do eren's or we're gonna have a problem!! I just hope you all enjoy this.

⸻ word count ⫸ 7.0k.

masterlist. | previous part in the anthology | next part in the anthology |

The bar was empty, the kitchen cleaned up, and all quiet as well. The air that once smelled of cheap beer and grease now began to fade into the smell of night dew and wet sand. You stood behind the bar, wiping down the few wet glasses to put away. Glancing out the door, seeing the moon and stars glowing against the midnight sky, sighing as your mind faded back to the events before. Back to the way Erwin and his men had rushed out of here. It has been chaotic for the people within this town. For the past two weeks, those bandits had been ravaging the town, escaping with no trace within the wind. You had overheard their frustrations from both the police force and Garrison boys and how they evaded their every movement. Wiping your wet hands against your dress, turning around to do a final count of the beer stocked behind you. It was a hassle, always being the last one, but you knew no one else could leave your bar the way you do. As you did so, you suddenly heard the door creak and swing open. Gasping, jumping in slight shock, grabbing the closest thing to you before a familiar voice hissed through the air. 

The very same man you were thinking about stomped right through the bar, face red, grumbling in anger. He wasn’t wearing his hat, probably left it at the office as he trampled on through. His bronze-brown vest was unbuttoned, showing off his buttoned-down shirt stained with sand and dirt stains. The smell of wet mud, rain, and sweat hit your nose but you said nothing as he made his way towards you, sitting right down at one of the bar stools. He let out a loud groan, reaching up, losing the scarf he tied around his neck. You let out a breath, not saying a word as you turned right back around, going to one of the beer barrels. Filling it with the one he drinks the most, before sliding it to him. Not missing a beat, he took the tall glass, downing most of it in one go.

“Thank ya kindly, love,” he said, slamming the glass down on the table. 

“Don’t go and break my glass, Erwin,” you joked, taking the glass and going to fill it. 

“My apologies, and no need for more, I’ll be too dizzy to head back home.”

You hummed, before lifting the glass up, sipping down the little you had already poured back into the cup. Erwin said nothing, watching as you licked your lips, shuddering slightly at the taste of the bitter wheat alcohol. 

“I don’t know how you boys can be drinking that shit all day,” a grimace took over your face. 

Erwin smirked, “it’s an acquired taste, could say the same thing about the fancy lil wine you’re always drinking.”

You rolled your eyes at that, smirking, “alright now Erwin..”

Rinsing and washing the glass, before taking the damp rag and wiping it down. Back facing towards him, you spoke once more. 

“Assuming from your attitude, you don’t have any good news about them bandits?”

Almost immediately, you could feel his mood dampen. He groaned, hearing sink further into the table. You glanced back at him, finding both of his large hands covering his face in further frustration. 

“I’m assuming that’s a no,” you said. 

He let out a softer sigh, before pushing himself up once more, looking at you as you shuffled around, still facing the back of the bar. 

“They’re tricky lil things, constantly evading my men,” he sighed, groaning as well as he sat up fully. 

“We chased 'em down to the big forest all the way out there, but we lost' em. Still don’t know how, not like there’s many places to hide up there. We even checked the big cave over there as well and all the possible trees they could hide in.”

Sighing, you placed the glass down with the rest of them before turning around and facing him fully. You leaned over the table, pressing your abdomen against the shiny wood. Using your free hand, you placed your pad on his cheeks, your longer fingers reaching his blond hair, while your thumb stroked his cheek. You could feel his smile form against your hand, smiling soon after that. 

“Kirstein’s been on my ass about finding them, they took a lot of his equipment and it was real expensive for him to buy new ones in the city. Told him to sell his wife’s jewelry and he looked at me like I got two cow heads.”

You couldn't help the chuckle that escaped your lips, thinking about Jean waving his fist over at Erwin, before speaking, “You can’t catch em all Erwin in one night, plus them robbers real sneaky too. First we’ve ever seen someone like this. It’ll be alright, m’kay?”

He nodded his head, and you soon moved your hand, lifting your body upright once again. He glanced around the bar, seemingly noticing that there was no one else there but him. He glanced over at you as you placed the wet rag on the rack hanging from the counter, before stepping out from behind it. Erwin watched you begin slowly turning off the lights hanging around the bar, dimming down all the lanterns. 

“Lemme walk you home, love. Can’t have you out here at night like this.”

You couldn't suppress your smile as you dimmed the last lantern, nothing but the low light of the moon peeking through the door surrounding, darkness swallowing you two whole. 

You sighed, walking back to the bar to grab your bag, “if by home, you mean the motel across town then yeah.”

Turning around, jumping at the sudden tall figure right in front of you. He peered down at you, eyes slightly wide. 

“What you mean by that, love? Why you staying in a place like that?” He asked you.

Letting out a shaky breath, and taking a step back. Erwin was close, so close that it had your heart suddenly palpated a bit, heat suddenly flashing through your body. 

“Um..” your mind went blank for a bit, before resetting, “that storm a few nights ago put me out, my roof and walls leaking so I grabbed what I could and ran down to the motel. Was soaking wet when I got there too.” You slightly snorted at that last part but Erwin’s face didn’t change at all.

“Now why didn’t you tell me about this? I could have helped you?”

You crossed your arms, taking a deep breath to help calm yourself just a bit, “and do what? You and the entire damn force were worried about those bandits. You know I don’t wanna be a bother, Erwin.”

His large, coarse came up to your face, pressing it against your cheek. Your heart kicked back up as he took a step closer to you, stomping over the distance you had put between the two of you. 

“Now you know you could never be a bother to me, love.”

You couldn’t help the smile, looking up into his usually icy blue eyes, hardened from years on the job, that now had a softened look to them. You couldn't help but use your free hand, reaching up and placing it on top of his own. The two of you smiled at each other, before dropping your hands at the same time. Erwin turned around, heading towards the opened door together. 

“I don’t feel comfortable with you staying in the motel, especially with these bandits running around,” he mentioned as he opened the door, holding it open for you. 

Sighing, turning around to lock up the bar, “well, what would you have me do Erwin? Everyone else I know is packed full, and I’m not going into the forest late at night. The carpenter’s are stretched thin with everyone else and won’t finish with my place until next week.”

You put your keys back in your bag, turning around to look at him. His face was lowered, eyebrows furrowed in a look of pondering as the two of you walked through the almost silent town. You could hear a commotion in the background, most likely people having their own get-togethers as well.  

“You could come stay with me. Until they repair your house of course.”

Your eyes widened, head swinging to look at him. The two of you locked eyes as your heart dropped for a quick moment. Stay… at Erwin’s place…? You shuffled a bit as you thought upon the idea, the idea of you two sharing a space for at least a week. Just for a quick moment, a flash of a much more, racy sight of him had your heart pounding a mile a minute. 

“I really don’t wanna put you out like that Erwin,” you spoke up, shuffling and looking away from him, trying your best to be still with your beating heart

Cool hands reached out to your chin, pulling your head up to look at the 6’2 man. 

“Now what did I just say, love? You could never be a burden to me, and you could never put me out.”

With no other words, his other hand reached out, sliding your bag out of his hands before swinging it over his shoulders. He began walking ahead of you, taking a few steps before looking back at you. He jerked his head, motioning for you to follow him. With no other words, softly smiling as you turned and walked towards him, the two of you walking in step as you walked through the town. Despite the sheriff's office being in the center of town, Erwin preferred to live a bit of the way in the opposite direction away from the forest. He likes being near the main entrance of the town, just in case something happens. As you were halfway there, a large gust of sudden cold wind blew past the two of you, causing you to shiver a bit. Your arms crossed each other, your hands stroking them to create some kind of heat. Erwin must have noticed your actions as all of a sudden, you heard a ‘plop’ before a weight fell upon your shoulders. Looking around, you saw the jacket Erwin was wearing draped across your shoulders. You looked up at him, noting him pointedly not looking back down at you as he continued walking. You let off a small smile, snuggling into the warm jacket, sounding off a soft “thank you” before continuing to walk behind him. 

The two of you soon got to his home, a simple two-story house given to him by the townspeople, a thank you for all that he does. You followed behind him as he fished for his keys out of his pockets, unlocking the door and pushing it open as he did so. He gestured for you to enter his home first, stepping out of the way for you. Soon after, he walked in behind you, closing the door behind you as you stood in his dark living room. He carefully slid past you, his hands reaching out to your waist to stabilize you easily as he walked over to a corner. Soon the room began to illuminate, allowing you to look at the quaint and simplistic living room. There was barely anything in the living room, a simple couch, a table along with a record sitting in the corner. Erwin straightened himself before turning around and walking abc towards you. 

“Let me take you to where you’ll be resting your head, love.”

He took you by the hand, causing you to gasp as he took you towards the stairs, which you hadn't noticed right near the front door. He guided you up the stairs, your bag still sitting and swinging on his shoulders. Coming up to the second floor, he took you down a hall before pushing a door open. You tilted your body behind him, peeking into the place where he led you. It was a bedroom, presumably the place where you would be resting your head for the next week or so. It was simple, a bed on a wooden stand with a night drawer right beside it. You followed behind him as he placed the bag right onto the bed before turning around. 

“This is one of the guest bedrooms, mainly for Levi whenever he comes into town, but he’s busy working on another case.” 

You blinked, nodding along as he explained where some of the things are. 

“The bathroom is the door right here,” he said, gesturing to the only other door in the room. 

There was also a huge dresser, instead of a closet which was fine as well, better for you since you wouldn't be staying for long anyways

“There’s one more guest bedroom down the hall, but it’s unfurnished so it's just full of boxes. So the only other room you’ll see up here is my own room.”

You turned towards him smiling, eyes welling up with tears of appreciation, “thank you again for this Erwin, you really didn't have to.”

He approached you, his long arms reaching out holding you on the shoulders, “how many times do I have to tell you, it's not a problem, love. Now, make yourself at home.” He said, before letting your shoulders go. 

He gave one last smile, before walking towards the door, opening it, and walking it out. The moment he left, you let out a sigh of relief, fanning off the sudden heat of nervousness from your face. You crossed the room, sitting on top of the bed before reaching for your bag. This was all you had brought with you when you left your home, most of your things water-damaged from the storm. You unzipped it, before sifting through all your clothes and things before pulling out a few night dresses that weren’t damaged. 

The rest of the night was uneventful, taking a shower to wash off the smell of alcohol and food on my body before slipping under the cool sheets. Despite the obvious unused in the room, the sheets still smelled fresh, like they were recently cleaned. You smiled, relishing in the soft feeling, unlike the itchy blankets over at the motel. 

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── ·

It had been three days since you had taken solace in Erwin’s home, and the two of you found yourself in comfortable waters so easily. At first, it was nerve-wracking being in such close proximity to him, but you soon found it easier the more he reassured you. He had shown you around in the morning after you had arrived, before personally walking you back to the bar to open up for the day. He would meet you at the end of the day, even if he had night duty, to walk you back to the house as well. His pure actions and gestures only made you yearn and pine for him more. 

As you stood in his kitchen, the bar closed up early to account for the sudden curfew the mayor had just put out. You knew Erwin was working hard and late nights, you would hear him come in late at night sometimes, your mind only tuning into his heavy footsteps creaking against the wood floors before falling back into your heavy sleep. And like clockwork, he would get up at the same time as you, to walk you to the bar. He would come in when it closed to walk you home before heading back to his office as well. You knew it was weighing over him, all this responsibility to bring peace back to your town, where more and more people were coming in from the city to experience the rush happening all over. 

You glanced over to your left, out the window, where you could see Erwin’s form hunched over, barely illuminated by the light inside the home. Sighing, you closed the pot of stew you were brewing, wiping your hands cleaning with a wet rag before walking out, towards the door. The breeze was blowing slightly, sand sifting out in the distance. The scenery in front of you was enjoyable, much more than what your own home would have to offer. The slight rancid smell of smoke pulled you out of your thoughts. Turning towards your right, seeing the blonde man hunched over the railing, a cigar in one hand, a glass of brown liquor in the other. 

“Those things’ll kill you, Erwin.” you spoke out, cutting through the slice of the night. 

His head turned slightly towards you, eyes staring right back at you. He smirked, lifting up his cigar before taking another hit. 

“This stress’ll kill me before these things do.”

You rolled your eyes, walking towards him, taking the space right beside him. The cigar smoke only smells stronger, so you knew this wasn't his first one of the night. He leaned back suddenly, throwing back the rest of his bourbon, pressing his half-burnt cigar into the railing, making another of what seemed to be numerous burn marks. Glancing behind you, at the small little area Erwin had set up on his porch, you found the bottle of bourbon along with a pack of cigars and another empty glass. You took a step back, grabbing the bottle and the glass before standing right beside him again. You poured yourself one before pointing the bottle towards Erwin, who looked down at the bottle, before holding his own glass out. You poured halfway to his cup, before placing the bottle on the railing beside you. 

You turned back towards him, tipping your glass towards him, and Erwin immediately clinked it with yours. You took a sip while Erwin basically downed the whole thing once more. Pulling the glass away, a scowl appeared on your face as you looked at the drink. 

“I still don’t know how you people drink this type of shit,” You spoke, reminiscent of when you took a sip of beer a few days ago, leaning down again the railing, holding the glass with two hands. 

He chuckled, shuffling closer to you, leaning over the railing as well. 

It was silent between the two of you, just taking in the scenery at the moment. The wind was blowing just a little harder than before, the air smelling just a bit humid from the past storms tormenting the town. You could see the Kierstein ranches in the distance, along with the forest where your friend and coworker lived as well. 

“Tell me what’s on your mind Erwin, you know I’m worried.”

His chuckle lightly echoed through the almost empty home, facing straight as he pushed himself up, “Hange’s been on me about getting these bandits. Luckily it seems they’ve stopped for now, but we still can't find whatever they’ve stolen. Towns ‘n a riot.”

You knew about the last part, as many angry men walked into your bar, cursing out both the thieves and Erwin for not finding their missing things. You were only lucky that your bar still hadn't been hit yet, but you couldn’t say the same thing for the other bars and pubs around town. You’d honestly never have seen anything like this, the way people have only confirmed three people yet they were able to flip a huge town like this on its head. You move your hand on his face towards his back, rubbing and caressing him trying your best to provide some solace. 

“Cut yourself some slack Erwin, there’s only so much you can do in this. I’m sure you are doing all you can.”

He only sighed, leaning back fully, looking up towards his ceiling, “but am I doing enough? There’s something I’m missing in this.” He shook his head, hand reaching up and basically slapping his forehead. 

“Fuck, I got a nasty headache,” he mumbled, before suddenly sniffing. 

He blinked, eyes furrowed in confusion, before turning back towards you, “you cooking something?”

You blinked, before the smell of char hit your nose, causing you to jump straight up. Squeaking as you raced inside, throwing the door open before running back to the kitchen. You reached the stove, grabbing the pot before moving it to an unused burner kneeling down, disconnecting the gas. You could feel Erwin’s eyes on you as you lifted the pot, sighing in relief as the smell of strong spices and herbs fully filled the air instead of a charcoal-burnt smell. Slowly you turned towards Erwin, locking eyes with his slightly concerned ones. 

“Want some soup?”

He smiled before standing up, you tried to tell him to sit down, as you didn't want him to do any to aggregate his said headache even further but he didn’t listen to you. He crossed the kitchen before standing right behind you, placing his hand on your waist as he reached up to the cupboards.

“‘Scuse me, love,” he said, opening the cupboards to bring out two bowls. 

His large hand rested right on your waist, letting an almost silent shaky breath as he squeezed it, bringing down the bowls to your level. Your hyperawareness only caused you to ache down there, your thighs squeezing together as he placed the bowls down on the counter. He helped you prepare the dishes, washing his hands before he did so. He grabbed the silverware along with two glasses of water as you ladled the food into the bowls. The two of you carried the food into the living room, rather than the fancy little dining room Erwin barely used. The two of you sat right next to each other, eating away at the late-night dinner you made. 

You did your best to keep Erwin’s mind off of work, and it seemed to have worked, the tense furrow on his brow reposting as you spoke of the latest gossip between the townsfolk, what you would hear day by day. How one of your long-time patrons’ had suspicions of his husband cheating, only for his husband and best friend to roll in two hours after he left. People have a lot of audaciousness is what he said after you told him about that. 

The soup you cooked soon disappeared between the two of you, along with the glasses of water as you spoke way into the night. Erwin had brought in the bourbon he was drinking, and the two of you shared the bottle, diluting it with water of course. You don’t know how it happened but the space you had put between you and the tall man had slowly decreased. Your thighs touching, shoulders grazing each other, the two of you unconsciously getting closer. 

“Oh, you got a little something here, love,” Erwin suddenly said, cutting into your giggles. 

Before you could say anything, his hand suddenly reached out to your face, his large hand cupping your face. 

With a slight sharp inhale, you could only look over at the side, seeing his thumb rub away at stains you had not seen from the corner of your eye. Erwin rubbed at it a little harder, but it seemed the smudge wouldn’t go away. He moved closer to you, leveling eye contact with you as his rough hands finally cleaned off the stain. By then, his face and you were so close together, your noses were barely touching. You let off a smile, thanking him for the help. He only smiled at your face, but his hand still rested on your face. Breathing deeply, as you closed your eyes, the scent of his sweat mixed in with his cologne, the smell of smoky vanilla bourbon, and cedar wood, along with the smell of blackened cigar smoke. It didn't deter you though. You could feel his presence get closer to you, the heat of his face radiating into your own. 

You opened your eyes just in time as Erwin closed the gap between the two of you, pressing his lips harshly against your own. You gasped, the sudden intensity catching you off guard, the sudden pressure causing you to stumble back a bit. Reaching up to him, one hand reaching up to his shoulder and the other resting right underneath his jawline. He tasted savory, the lingering taste of your late-night dinner still on his tongue. It didn’t deter you, in fact, you only pushed against him, your panties beginning to soak as his arms reached around you, wrapping and picking you up with ease. He placed you right on his lap, his other hand leaving your face, sliding down your hips to underneath your bottom, cupping it before squeezing gently. 

You suddenly let go of the kiss, lips wet as looked down into his blue eyes, which seemed deeper in color than usual. His usual cerulean blues now looked more like royal blue as you pressed your hips against him. You could feel his hard-on pressing up against your panties underneath your thin dress. Your hands reached, running them through his blonde hair. He smirked, lifting his head to look up at you.

“Erwin,” was all you said before he kissed you again.

You were much more ready for his kiss, accepting it with equal pressure. Unconsciously, your hips began to move above him. His gentle squeeze turned brutal as you rutted into him more, your juices beginning to seep into his rough jeans. Your hands soon left his hair, sliding down his neck, your delicate touches only causing him to shiver against you. Your manicured nails soon reached down to his shirt, the first few buttons unfastened already. Unbuttoning the rest, your hands grazed over his muscles, over every ridge and every scar from years on the job. He shivered under you, letting go of the kiss for a quick moment. 

“So fucking long,” he groaned, moving up against your ear, “I’ve waited for this.”

Before you could say anything, Erwin cut you off, pressing his wet lips behind your ear, trailing down to your neck. Steadying yourself, digging your nails into his side as he reached your collarbone, nibbling away at it. The aching within you only growing, and sweat beginning to drop down your back, seeping through your thin dress. His head soon dipped to the valley between your breasts as your own hands slid down to his jeans, fiddling with the belt that held them up. Erwin’s large hands left your bottom, reaching under before grabbing at the fabric. 

You could hear a stretch, the sound echoing through the room as you gasped, lifting your head to glare at the sudden cool air breeze against your back. 

“Erwin! I really liked that dress!” 

He only chuckled, seeing the rest of the scraps falling off your body, leaving you and nothing but your drenched panties. He only groaned at the sight, his hands leaving you as they shrugged off his vest, unwrapping his scarf. You assisted him, gliding your hands underneath the sleeves of his shirt, before sliding the shirt off his body. Once off his body. You threw the shirt into an obscure corner, before facing him again. Erwin thumbed at your panties, hooking underneath the waist and thigh band before slowly pulling it down. Your arousal dripped as you clenched around nothing, resting your naked body against Erwin’s half-naked own. Gasping as cool air hit your clit as he pulled your panties down fully, your nails digging into his biceps. The around you was hot as you lifted your legs up as best as you could, helping him slide the clothing off fully of your body. 

Seeing as you were fully naked while Erwin was still in his jeans, your hands gently brushed down his arms, reaching to his belt before slowly beginning to unbuckle it. At the same time, Erwin leaned down towards you, lips pressed against your neck. Hands fumbling as you shivered, the feeling of his trailing down your neck, towards your chest. His own hands slide up and around your waist, sliding up your abdomen before reaching your breasts. His large hands reached your breasts, pushing and massaging them. His lips soon wrapped around your hardened nipple, before sucking away at it. 

“Fuck,” cursing and gasping as a rush of euphoria shot through you. 

The fingers on his other hand squeezed your other nipple slightly, just enough to increase the inciting feeling rushing through you. Your hands slide up, grazing against his slightly scarred back, reaching into his soft, blonde hair before gripping harshly. The sensitivity in your nipples only amplified as he sucked at it. You let out long breathy moans as he teased you, letting out a particularly high-pitched moan as he suddenly pinched and moaned at your free nipple. Soon after he let up, the cool air hit your wet nipple before moving his attention to your other one. His hand slid back down your body, sliding in between your legs, before slowly parting your thighs, revealing your drenched cunt. His long fingers slipped in between your folds, swiping up and down in between them before slowly pressing his finger against your clit.

“Erwin,” you gasped, pulling on his hair, causing him to groan, lips still wrapped around your nipple. 

His finger continued to press and slowly rub circles into your clit, collecting the juices that continued to seep out of you. Your hips ground against him, your body aching for more, something else to fill the need trying to build within you. Erwin’s actions taunted you, his finger slipping in between your folds, the tip of his finger teasing the entrance to your hole. Your back curled as he slowly, ever so slowly, pressed his fingers inside of your, your arousal making it easier for him to slip inside of you. Your hips jerked and buckled, craving more and more stimulation. As he moved his finger, his mouth let go of your nipple, before resting his head right on our shoulder, lips lined up with your ear. 

“More,” you cried, burrowing your face into his shoulder. 

He only chuckled, his raspy chuckle only rousing you further, “you know you have to relax for me,” he mumbled. 

Taking a breath, you tried your best to, release the hold you have in his hair, sliding them and crossing them behind his neck, holding him close. 

“That’s it,” he murmured, before pressing another finger inside of you, “open up just for me.”

The stretch was slightly painful, but as quickly as the pain came, it went. You cried out even louder against his ear as his thumb pressed against your clit. Erwin’s fingers moved up and down inside of you, just as he began to nibble and kiss along the outer part of your ear, his heated breath only causing you to shiver and shudder against him. You tried to move your hips along the movement of his digits before a loud smack rippled against your skin, the pain heated so gratifyingly against you. 

“Stop moving,” his voice was harsh, it caused your heart to skip a beat. 

You trembled in his hold, but his voice commanded you, taking charge as your movements suddenly slowed down to a complete stop. 

“Good girl,” he groaned before continuing his actions. 

You could only whimper as his words, combined with the increasing pace of his fingering only caused the aching feeling building within you to surge and skyrocket. You basically drenched his fingers as he made his way with you, fucking you with his fingers while playing with your clit. Letting a high-pitched moan, you curled over, forehead resting right against Erwin as heat surged up and built within you. Your already quivering body trembles further. 

Suddenly, before you could reach that high peak, Erwin suddenly pulled his fingers out of you, leaving you shivering, cold and empty. You couldn't help but whine in his arms as he lifted his hands up, his two fingers and his top knuckles covered in your arousal. He soon pressed his hand against his lips, tasting your juices before licking his fingers clean. Once finished, his now-free hand joined his other, gripping your ass. Without warning, he suddenly stood up, his grip around you only tightening to keep you up in the air as you shriek, your arms tightening around his neck and shoulders. 

“Erwin—” you shrieked as you were lifted up into the air. 

Below you, you could see his pants and boxers pooled around his ankles before looking up to look at him. With no warning, you leaned towards him, capturing him into another kiss as you could feel him lifting the lower part of your body up, readjusting him and yourself. You melted into the kiss, your arms sliding back to allow you to hold his head between your heads. His usual cleaned-up hair was messed up, slightly drenched with sweat. Saliva was exchanged between the two of you, tongues swirling within each other's mouths. 

For a moment, you let go of his kiss, lips still pressed against him as you whispered, “I need you inside me, please, please, please, I can’t wait anymore…”

Erwin didn’t say a word, only enrapturing you into another kiss. Eventually, you could feel the tip of his hard-on pressing up against you, parting your inner labia. You let out a restrained moan into his mouth. With no other warning, he pressed on, overwhelming you even further. You abruptly let go of the kiss as you let out an impassioned cry, tongue falling out of your mouth as you brace yourself. The intensity had you convulsing within Erwin’s arms, your shaking legs easily held together by his strong arms. You could hear Erwin grunting and letting off heavy groans as he began to bottom out into you. His motions started off slow, just like his fingering actions before, allowing you to get used to his large size. The heated pressure around adding on to the sweat dripping down your body as Erwin began to move. 

“Fuck,” he cursed in your ear.

“Erwin,” you called out his name, laying your head on his shoulder as your face twisted in intensity. 

He grunted against you before speaking lowly into it, “Move your head, wanna— fuck— wanna see your pretty face.”

His voice was thick and sweet, like the most delicious chocolate cake, it coaxed you, as you moved your head, your locs brushing to the side as you gazed into his blue eyes. His pace quickened, the wet smacks echoing through the room, adding volume to your already thunderous moans. It was overwhelming, Erwin was overwhelming, a man who commanded the space around him, you couldn't help but succumb deeper and deeper to his glamor. He ravished you, his restraint breaking more and more as he savored your expressions, your sounds, and even the way you smelled. Your juices leaked all over the both of you, his hips plunged into you, the tip of his cock hitting your very core. The two of you bring out the best and worst in each other. 

You cried out his name once more, your body lurching against him, “Erwin, ahh—” You were suddenly cut off by your own lewd moan, dripping in lust. 

Erwin let off a deep groan disguised as a chuckle as he felt you involuntary clenching around him, the sudden tightening pushing him to a whole new level. His once strong-rhythmic thrust became erratic in nature. 

“You gonna come for me, love?” He groaned in your ear, the grip he had on your ass bruise-worthy. 

Nodding your head erratically, you only had a moment’s reprieve before your climax came rushing at you at full speed.

“Aaaahhh,” you threw your head back in ecstasy as you went still for a moment, everything tensing over as your orgasm washed over you. 

Erwin wasn’t letting up, as overstimulation began to set within you, your recently mind-numbing orgasm not helping you. You could do nothing but hang off for Erwin as he basically used you like a fuck-toy until he had reached his own peak. With a few final grunts, you could feel him spilling inside of you. The room now only echoed with your heavy breaths. Slowly, you opened your eyes, looking at his drenched blonde hair before using what little strength you had to pick up your head. The two of you locked eyes before breaking out into soft smiles. The two of you placed soft kisses on each other, as he turned around before slowly lowering your connected bodies on the couch. He slowly lowered you there before easing himself out of you, a slight hiss leaving your mouth as he did so. You grimaced as you felt your mixed fluids beginning to ooze out of you. You bent down, picking up your panties before sighing at the scraps of your dress on the floor. 

The two of you cleaned up, with you walking around in Erwin’s shirt while he stood in nothing but his boxers. He helped you put away the soup, and clean up the bowls you used. Once everything was clean, he dimmed out the latent, swallowing you all in darkness as you waited for him by the stairs. You could see his presence right in front of you, before squealing as he suddenly picked you up, bridal style. 

You wrapped your arms around him, before speaking, “you always gonna pick me up like this?”

He hummed, as he made it to the top of the stairs, shifting his body towards his bedroom door. He easily opened it with one hand whilst still holding you up. His room was quaint, with not many decorations, the few you could see were mainly photo frames of him and his team of police officers. Erwin laid you comfortably on the bed, however before he could walk to the other side and join you. A loud knock echoed through the house, jolting the both of you. You looked over at Erwin whose relaxed expression now took on a more hardened one. He walked over to his dresser, grabbing a pair of sweatpants before slipping them on. 

“Stay here,” he told you, seeing as you were beginning to push yourself off the bed. 

His words were stern and clear, so you sat back against the bed, watching him exit the room. Outside, Erwin walked down the stairs before eyeing his front door. Besides him, he reached into a drawer to pull out his gun. He slowly walked towards the door, slowly placing his hand on the knob before looking through the peephole. Erwin saw the familiar figure, relaxing as he opened the door fully. 

Standing on his porch was his secretary, a person he was not planning on seeing until he went in for work the next day. 

Erwin placed the gun on the table near him,, “almost thought you were someone else, what are you doing here?”

She let off a little awkward smile before handing him a file, “for you, sir.”

Erwin blinked, before taking the file and flipping through it. The familiar notes and words had Erwin furrowing his brow.

“This is the Kierstein report… Jaeger was supposed to get this for me, yesterday.”

The secretary shrugged her shoulders, “you know Eren was never going to get it done, especially when it comes to Jean. So it was either get it done or get Jean on our ass again.”

Erwin sighed, smacking the file against his head slightly, the migraine that had gone away slowly returning as he thought about his most ambitious officer. 

“I’ll have a few words with him tomorrow, get home, go get some sleep.” He called out to her, beginning to close the door not before hearing a noise, resembling a giggle coming from her. 

“Oh I’ll definitely get some sleep tonight, I wonder if you will as well.”

Erwin stopped in his tracks, turning back towards his secretary before seeing her point toward his chest. Erwin glanced down only seeing small red and purple bruises littered all over his neck and upper chest. His secretary could no longer hold back their giggles, muffling them with her hand as Erwin felt a flush of heat run through him. 

“Just, just get home.” He said sternly, before slamming the door shut. 

He waited until he heard steps leading away from his porch before letting out a breath, leaning against his door for a moment.

“Erwin,” your sweet voice called out.

He looked up, seeing you standing at the top of the stairs. He could see the light from the hallway illuminating, allowing him to see you standing there, still in his shirt. 

“Everything okay?” you asked, beginning to take a step down. 

He nodded his head, before placing the file on his living room table and heading towards the stairs, “Yeah, just someone dropping off a report, I’ll be up soon.”

You nodded your head, fiddling with the buttons before slowly turning your body. He could only stare as you slowly unbuttoned each and every button, before slowly lowering the shirt, revealing the top half of your naked body. You said nothing, only giving him a knowing smirk before walking to the right back to his own bedroom. 

Erwin glanced over at the report, before looking back up the stairs where you had just stood before him, enticing him. With no other thought, he left the report on the table before scaling up the stairs, making it to his bedroom, and shutting the door behind him. 

taglist: @kanekisfavoritegf @daisynik7 @where-the-blackbirds-sing @nathalunalune @secretanimesimp @kentucky-fried-me @levin4nami @liv-vy @mortqlprojections @invisible-mori @desiray562 @liliorsstuff-blog @sophiiluvvs @magictrump @ventdavi154 @ircngirl @lostinbeidou @missmadness123 @introvered-violinist @dior-fawn @saway4ma @reallongwire @nerdy-simp-7120 @stareatceiling @ehveerivv @zzg0d @custard-exe @phillygraves @rapsgoddess @pumpkin-toffee @theemrsjaeger @sharkiebarkie @jnsa-17 @itmightbejo @chile-im-embarrassed

[msmpictures]

[☬ Ramshackle O.C ☬]

•{☬Basic Data☬}•

[ Name ]

Astrid Voldemort

Storm > Work's Pseudonym

[ Age | Birthday ]

23 - 27 | October 1st

[ Family ]

Robert Voldemort - Father

??? - Step Mother

[ Job ]

Hired murderer.

[ S.O ]

???

[ More detail of the wound ]

Second degree burn | Cuts = Enucleation (Eye removal).

•{☬ Likes - Dis. ☬}•

[ Likes ]

• To sleep [her only one 'escape']

• To draw [In her days of rest, she draws her father to remember him, even if she is not a very good artist] Although she doesn't show anyone her drawings.

• To smoke

• 💐 [She can describe them as the rainbow of her grey, so that relaxes her a bit]

• ☕ [She is addict at the coffe]

• To stare at the stars [ that makes her forget her shit of job for a while ]

• Children [Doesn't show it, but she really likes children.]

• Rural spaces [That relaxes her]

• 'Acid Candies' [I hope you understand what I mean] Although, she doesn't eat them often.

• Boxing [Is not really something that she likes, but she practices boxing often]

• Agriculture (frustrated dream)

[ Dislikes - Hates ]

• [H] HeR bOsS

• [D] To socialize [She can't actually do it, Astrid just talks with the people when it's about the business and when it's her next victim, so it's kinda awkward for her to get a conversation for more than 30 minutes]

• [H] Her own job [ She is forced to do it, she has no other choice. ]

• [D] Alcoholic drinks [ She says that tastes horrible ]

• [D] Her work partners

• [H] Did I say her Boss?

• [H] Her step mother [She is the reason why Astrid is here]

•{☬ Origins ☬}•

Warning: so long xd

( I don't wanna write a shit but this is how u could sorta understand x,d )

- Astrid Lived with her father in the Ramshackle Streets. Robert was a miner, so they were low class, despite that, they always had enough to survive without ever starving.

- She didn't care about her economic status, since she was working by selling lemonade (as a lil child) and saving her cash to buy a little house In the countryside. Besides, her father always loved her, there was nothing that someone could consider a problem between them.

- Although, Robert couldn't help but feel lonely, so he decided to look for a new lover. A woman who appeared in their life, when Astrid was about to 14.

- The woman was an alcoholic one, always spending the cash into whims and useless things, she was kinda aggressive alone and because of that never had a good relationship with Astrid, but Robert never knew about the circumstances, so he didn't do anything.

- Since the woman appeared, The small family began to have debts, so both Robert and Astrid had to work twice as hard, which did not prevent the debts from increasing drastically, in just two years. For this reason Robert decided to go with a 'friend' (who was a member of a criminal association), to request loans with the condition of paying later, but it never happened.

- This 'friend' He decided to collect everything Robert owed, and as a result of having empty pockets, he kidnapped Astrid (she was 16).

- At first they planned to use her as bait to get the money and then kill her, But after pleas from the minor, they decided to recruit her at a low level, as a kind of servant for anything basic, even burying corpses that they eliminated.

- All this in order to be the one to pay Robert's debts. But it would take a long period of time until now.

- As she grew older, the members began to promote Astrid's position, from making her infiltrate meetings to extract information to turning her into a hitman, having to sell this service to others, In order to recover the lost money.

- The rest, is History..

[⛈️] = Sometimes, she pretends to be mute, so she doesn't need to talk with anyone [That's until she finally she likes u]

•{☬Additional Data☬}•

[🌪️] = The grey hairs are sign of her stress x,d

[🌪️] = She could know everything about weapons and how to play them, but she doesn't know how to cook.

[⛈️] = I don't know what to add about her biological mother.. I'll say she divorced Robert and he won the custody of Astrid 👌.

[🌪️] = Astrid just knows Vinnie, and that because she tried to steal her and found a gun in her purse. (In that moment, Astrid was infiltrated, Vinnie too)

[⛈️] = They're not so close friends, but they help each other sometimes. Either to get information or to get beans.

[🌪️] = Once she finished paying the debts, she will go away from Ramshackle, and live her dreamed life in a house in a rural space.

[⛈️] = Astrid doesn't tell her affection with words. She does it with flowers. If she gives you a daisy, she considers you as her family. If she gives you a rose, she loves you <3.

[🌪️] = She is the kind of person who doesn't understand the jokes. She doesn't have a sense of humour. (She tries man, she tries 😞)

[⛈️] = In an attempt to kill A drunk scammer, this one stroke her with a vodka bottle in her face, and as she failed on the floor, he tried to let her blind, burning her face with a lighter.

[🌪️] = Robert doesn't know if Astrid is still alive, but he is still trying to report her missing, no matter what.

[⛈️] = I could tell she is depressed, and because of that she eats the acid candies. I thought, as Stone with Pebble, she could have an 'interior Demon', with a similar appearance to her 14-year-old self. Despite that, I can't find a name for her..

The whole pic

THREE DAYS DOING THIS SHIT I GIVE UP

[siilvan]

like real people do

characters: yuri

summary: after a mission goes badly, yuri comes to you to air out his frustrations, and what was a complicated situation ends up becoming something more.

genre: explicit, light angst, hurt/comfort, fem!reader (no desc.)

warnings: cursing, mentions of canon-typical violence, brief mentions of blood/injuries, friends w/ benefits situation, soft dom!yuri, slight possessive!yuri, oral (f!receiving), fingering, lil' hand kink, tattoos <3, unprotected piv, creampies, overstimulation, manhandling, praise, some references to religion, idk yuri's a simp, he's drowning in guilt and pussy

word count: 5.3k

note: this is going to get zero notes, but do i care? no. i'm writing for yuri and forcibly shoving him in everyone's faces until people love him. he's my favorite character and that is going to be VERY obvious here. i have more fics planned. so many. everyone thank @froglights-and-pearls for reminding me of who i am.

aaaand a big thank you to @sofasoap for proofreading this <33

"well, that was a fuckin' bust, yeah?" soap comments after collapsing into a seat, earning pointed looks from the rest of the group as you all boarded the transport helicopter.

gaz slumps down next to him and exhales heavily, shaking his head. "think that's putting it lightly, mate." he chuckles, tapping soap on the shoulder.

ghost takes a seat on soap's other side, rolling his neck to stretch out sore muscles - he took a nasty hit during the mission, his mask partially torn on the cheek and revealing bloodstained skin. you end up sandwiched between price and yuri, tilting your head back to rest against the wall as the adrenaline coursing through you dissipates.

to say that this operation went horribly would be an understatement. you all managed to escape with your lives intact, but the valuable cargo that you were hunting down was lost. you fought to get this lead in the first place, and now you're returning to base with nothing to show for your work other than damaged bodies and morale.

your head rolls to the side, and you end up staring at yuri's side profile. he's hunched forward slightly, a pensive look on his face, brows knitted together from clear frustration.

it’s been a few months since nikolai introduced yuri to the team. after laswell brought up makarov in that chicago bar, everything seemed to move at the speed of light; the invasion of al-mazrah, calling a ceasefire with shadow company, teaming up with farah's forces, mobilizing again before you could even catch your breath... the only good thing to come out of this hectic situation was your newest ally.

yuri was an interesting case from the start. nikolai claims that the two go way back and, after hearing the way he talked about the man prior to your first meeting, you're inclined to believe him when he describes yuri as "one of his best."

his status as a member of nikolai's faction is enough to pique your curiosity - you find out that he's ex-spetsnaz as well, but what catches the entire squad's attention is the offhand comment that the pilot makes.

"he's the only person i know that hates makarov more than you, price."

none of you get the chance to ask him to elaborate, and you've since reached the point where his explanation doesn't matter. yuri fit into the team fairly easily, and trust was quickly built upon after a few missions together. he seemed to understand the enemy just as well as the captain, if not even better. soap made a joke about yuri knowing him a little too well at one point, which he brushed off with a dismissive shake of his head.

the sergeants were the first ones to warm up to him, with price and yourself on their heels. ghost, always wary of anyone new, is a little slower to trust, but after yuri took a bullet in the leg for him, ghost was quick to welcome him into your group.

your lips twitch into a tired smile when yuri glances at you from the corner of his eye, his shoulders dropping slightly upon seeing your face. his hardened expression softens for just a moment, and you mentally celebrate the small victory while nudging his foot closest to you with the side of your boot.

the ride back to base is mostly quiet, save for price updating laswell on the situation over the radio. you're all dejected over the loss, even after price reminds you to not let it get to your heads.

yuri seems especially upset over it, though. you doubt the rest of the team picks up on his mood, but it's clear as day to you.

you've spent a fair number of nights under the man, after all. you'd be ashamed if you couldn't read him by now. the subtle flexing of his fingers wrapped around his gun, the way his pupils dilate as he loses himself in his thoughts, the clench in his jaw - you recognize the signs faster than your own reflection in a mirror.

he's angry. pissed off, actually. yuri doesn't often let his emotions show, preferring to keep up a façade of cool collectedness, but it slips out on occasion.

and when it does, you catch it. you always do.

the chopper touches down on the airstrip eventually, and you relegate yourself to the back of the group as you step out onto the tarmac. price excuses himself to his office while ghost heads off to the medical bay, and the sergeants make a beeline for the showers as soon as their boots hit the ground.

you watch as yuri wordlessly sets off towards the training grounds. it's a habit he has: airing his grievances out on a target.

you, meanwhile, loosely trail behind the sergeants and hop in the shower, rinsing off the grime from the battlefield and willing the loss to wash away with it. you stop by the mess hall for a bit, running into a patched-up ghost, before heading off to your room.

the base that the task force is currently staying at is a bit odd compared to most, in that you have more privacy than normal. while most places offer you cramped barracks or small dorms, the team was given proper rooms in a separate wing. privileges, gaz joked upon your initial arrival.

you're left to your own devices until a while after the sun sets. there's a knock at the door that you almost immediately recognize. you've heard it before, always after night has fallen and the sky is blanketed in darkness.

you trudge across the room and swing the door open, revealing yuri standing on the other side. his gaze stays low, not quite looking at you, but not quite looking away, either. you instinctively move to the side, allowing him to step into the room. the door closes behind him with a soft click, leaving you staring at him as a silence hangs in the air between you.

"need something?" you ask, breaking the silence with a soft voice. his eyes finally flit up to meet yours. there's something swirling in those pale eyes of his, an internal conflict that you've never been able to understand or pull out of him.

"company," he mutters, and you know what he means from that single word.

"destroying a few more targets didn't help, huh?" you chuckle, coming to stand in front of him. you slowly slide your hands up his arms, skimming over his shoulders and cupping his jaw gently. "you look angry, yuri."

he huffs, warm air puffing against your cheek. you can smell the tobacco on his breath. he's been smoking, yet another habit that he tries to avoid showing, especially after you commented on it.

"the only thing that will help is you," he replies, hands settling on your waist. calloused fingertips carefully dig into your flesh underneath your clothes, pulling your body closer to his. "only you can make the anger go away." he adds, thumbs tracing gentle circles into your skin.

you hum, keening at the subtle praise. your palms slide down and press flat against his chest, his heartbeat thrumming strong under your fingertips. you two established a set of rules at the beginning of this arrangement, and you've both been rigid in keeping to them. no kissing, no marking, no "i love you's," no jealousy—

no feelings. this is purely for pleasure, for keeping each other sane outside the battlefield. feelings would only serve to complicate things, and you already have enough on your plates as-is. the rules of engagement were clear, though there were those rare times that the lines blurred.

such as yuri's lips dragging across your sensitive skin after his head drops to your neck. he wouldn't kiss you, he wouldn't suck or bite, but the featherlight trail that he would trace might as well be a mark of its own. you angle your head back, a low sigh falling from your lips. his heartbeat speeds up just barely under your touch, your own picking up speed to match.

you let him walk you backwards toward the bed, the backs of your knees pressing into the edge of the mattress. he lifts his head and leans in close to your ear, his next words mumbled against your skin.

"on your back."

you obey without complaint, pulling your hands away and crawling up the bed, laying on your back and propping yourself up on your elbows.

you watch as he stands at the foot of the bed, his eyes never straying from yours while he pulls off his gloves and drops them somewhere behind him. the gauntlet on his forearm goes next, and you stare with great intrigue as he easily undoes the straps holding it in place and tosses it aside, the hard material carelessly clattering against the carpet. your eyes fall from his, landing on the various tattoos that adorn his hands and forearms, the ink telling a story that you're sure would send your adrenaline rushing.

he sinks to his knees after a second, blunt nails digging into the plush of your thighs as he pulls your body across the duvet towards him. like clockwork, he slides your uniform pants and soaked underwear down your legs before grabbing your thighs and spreading them, leaving your core completely exposed under his heated gaze.

he doesn't give you a chance to blink as he dives in, hot tongue licking a stripe up your slit and sending your head flying back against the bed. you push your hips up towards his face as he laves over your folds, fucking dripping the second his eyes landed on you after showing up at your door, pulling a shameless moan from your lips.

contrary to his usual generosity, yuri entirely avoids your clit as he stuffs your cunt with his tongue, greedily lapping up your arousal before pulling back and making wide circles around the sensitive bud. he teases it with a small flick and dips his head to plunge into your sopping hole again, humming and sending vibrations coursing through you.

you whine, fisting the duvet and squeezing your eyes tightly shut. "fuck, yuri— stop teasing—"

he lifts his head from your cunt and groans, throaty and utterly debauched. "patience," he mutters, heaving one of your thighs over his shoulder and digging his fingers into your hip. "you know i'll take care of you."

you choke on a sob when he flattens his tongue against your clit, circling around it and drawing it into his mouth. he sucks on it before delving into your heat once more, his nose nudging the bundle of nerves and making your back arch off the mattress. the lewd sounds filling the room as he fucks you with his tongue light a fire under your skin, covering your body in a thin sheen of sweat as you moan and clamp your thighs around his head.

he moans into your cunt, hands gripping your thighs as his hips jolt forward, eating you out like a man starved.

"yuri— oh, fuck—" you gasp. "please, please— 'm so fucking close—" you're not sure what you're begging for, what you always end up begging for, but as the coil in your stomach tightens, you can't find it in yourself to think about it any longer.

your jaw goes slack, mouth falling open as his tongue swipes up your arousal, his nose pressing into your swollen clit and dragging a stuttering moan from your parted lips.

"oh my— fucking god... yuri—" you whimper as your cunt pulses and spasms around his tongue, gushing into his mouth with another moan of his name that bounces off the walls of the room. he groans into your wetness and eagerly laps it up, working you through your orgasm as you grind against his face, chasing the sweet pleasure.

after your legs go limp on his shoulders, yuri resurfaces from your cunt, hands massaging your thighs while your breaths come out in pants, chest heaving.

"just like that," he whispers, smearing your slick across your inner thigh as his lips drag across your skin. you look down at him, seeing his steely gaze already trained on your blissed-out expression. "you can give me another, hm?" he asks, brows briefly raising with the question.

his voice has dropped low, his russian accent thick and heavy, words slightly slurring together as he stares up at you. his pale irises are hardly visible around pupils blown wide with lust, and you swallow back a pathetic sound at the sight.

"you can give me another." yuri echoes, more as a statement of fact than a question this time. he knows he's right— you know he's right.

you suck in a breath as two fingers prod at your aching heat, sliding up and down your glistening folds and gathering a mixture of your slick and his saliva.

"fuck, just— please—"

your pleads are cut off by his fingers plunging into you, sinking right up to the knuckle and making you writhe against the bed. they're thick, stretching you open as he curls them inside you, scraping against your gummy walls and teasing that spongy spot that makes your eyes roll back in your skull.

a third digit prods at your entrance after a moment, leaving you moaning and frantically searching for purchase on the bedsheets after he adds it in, pumping three fingers inside you.

"taking me so well..." he grunts, pressing his thumb to your puffy clit and circling it in tight, fast motions.

you buck your hips into his touch, legs shaking as your cunt clenches around his digits like a vice. his unoccupied hand releases your thigh and skates up your side, wrapping around your wrist and distracting you from his ministrations for a second.

he suddenly yanks you towards him, making you sit up and stoop over him. one of your hands lands on his shoulder, holding yourself upright as he continues fucking his fingers into you.

"look at yourself— look at how good you're doing for me." yuri sighs, holding your wrist tight to keep you from falling back. you whine, forcing yourself to tilt your head and stare at where his fingers disappear inside you.

the noises coming from the spot are obscene, lewd squelches accompanying every thrust in and out of your dripping core. you admire your own mess until your attention shifts to him— his fingers, his hand, working you open and sending you to cloud nine.

you've been horribly attracted to his hands ever since he first touched you with them. they're calloused, rough, experienced like you'd expect from someone in the field; but, the ink adorning his skin is what catches your eye. there's crosses on his fingers— holy symbols— and you watch as they drip with your arousal, black ink shining with the wetness coating them and dripping down his wrist.

it feels sinful, like you're fucking in the pews of a church. the rush of it makes your body grow hotter, heat flooding to your cheeks as you bite back a moan.

"take off your shirt." he says, eyes fixated on your drooling cunt.

you manage to tear your hand from his shoulder and slip your shirt over your head, your bra quickly following suit and landing in another small pile of clothes somewhere nearby. yuri's gaze flits up and lands on your breasts, a groan rumbling deep in his chest.

he mumbles something in russian before leaning in, drawing his tongue across one of your nipples and taking it into his mouth. you moan as he greedily sucks on it, your hand cradling the back of his head and holding him close.

it's risky— you two are toeing the line, pushing the rules you established at the start of this relationship.

he moves to your other nipple a moment later and lavishes it with the same treatment, reducing you to a needy, whiny mess. by the time he pulls back from your breasts with a wet pop, there's dark hickeys left in his place.

that's a rule broken.

his head dips back down and his mouth replaces his thumb, hot tongue swirling around your clit as you're suddenly brought back to the present with a loud moan. his hand squeezes around your wrist, reminding you that he only let go long enough for you to strip off the remainder of your clothes. you twist your arm, forcing him to loosen his grip—

he places a few more licks to your clit before wrapping his lips around it, and you moan as the vibrations bring you closer to your second orgasm of the night. you escape his hold only to search for his hand, blindly reaching for it as the pleasure forces you to screw your eyes shut. you fumble after finally finding it, but yuri's quick to help, interlocking your fingers and allowing you to squeeze his hand in a near-death grip.

fuck, this is getting too intimate. he's already broken one rule, and you're just about ready to break the rest. he mirrors your action, holding your hand as you teeter over the edge, your orgasm rapidly approaching.

"so close— 'm so close, yuri. fuck, please—!" you moan, trembling like a leaf in the wind as your orgasm slams into you.

he pumps faster still, letting you ride out the waves of pure bliss until you're whimpering and attempting to move your hips away. yuri lifts his head and hunts for your gaze, locking eyes with you as you hazily look down at him. he pulls his fingers from your folds and hums, satisfied, before pressing them to your lips and cocking his head to the side.

you know what he wants. you take his fingers into your mouth and lave your tongue over them, tasting yourself as you clean your release off of them. he watches you, shifting as his other hand releases yours and reaches for his belt.

"tastes fucking heavenly." he utters softly, sending a shiver down your spine.

he pulls his fingers out and chuckles at your pout, before nodding at the pillows behind you. "get comfortable. we're not done yet."

he sits up on his knees and starts to unbuckle his belt as your tongue darts out to wet your lips. instead of climbing up the bed, however, you reach out and start pawing at his shirt, tugging at it with a small noise of complaint.

yuri lets you undress him, a quiet sigh escaping him as your nails gently scrape down his chest and stomach, trailing over rigid muscle and old scars that he hesitated to tell the stories behind and often disregarded whenever you'd ask about them. you toy with the waistband of his cargos, earning an amused huff and yuri pulling your hands back.

"lay back," he commands in a warm tone, lips twitching into a small smile. "let me take care of you."

your gaze narrows at him, but you comply nonetheless. "thought you came to me for stress relief, not spoiling me."

you hear fabric hitting the floor before he's moving on top of you, caging you in with his hands on either side of your body. "spoiling you helps relieve my stress." he replies, giving you a look as if what he said was an obvious fact.

"lucky me, then." you laugh before cutting yourself off with a sharp inhale as the head of his cock prods at your entrance, dragging through your folds and coating itself in your arousal. his cock sits heavy against your core, a firm weight grounding you in the moment.

yuri grips the base of his shaft in one hand as the other rests next to your head, a tight fist in the sheets. you raise your hips slightly and let out a whine, lifting your arms to grasp at his shoulders as his cock slowly pushes in. a deep groan escapes him as he sinks deeper and deeper inside, your gummy walls fluttering and pulsing around him.

"fuck," he rasps, bottoming out with one final push. "missed this— it's been too long. needed you under me days ago."

you breathe out a moan, tossing your head back against the pillows when he dips down to your neck, panting against your feverish skin. he pulls out, dragging back until the tip just barely slips past your entrance, before snapping his hips forward and burying himself to the hilt.

you're already fighting back a sob as he sets a brutal pace, bullying his cock into your aching cunt, your hands clinging to him anywhere you can find purchase. his shoulders, back, arms— your nails dig into his skin, leaving angry crescent-shaped marks wherever they land. the bedframe creaks under your shared weights, headboard knocking against the wall with each pointed thrust.

after seconds of searching, your hands end up sliding up to his jaw, and you nudge him until he moves from your neck, his face hovering just above yours. your fingertips trace over his jawline tenderly as his forehead comes to rest against yours, your breaths co-mingling. it's too much. you manage to catch his gaze, eyes locking while the tips of your noses brush together. it's not enough.

"what are you doing?" yuri whispers, voice hoarse. he doesn't make any move to pull away; he seems to soften under your touch, if anything.

fuck it.

you surge forward, closing the small gap between you. his movements almost immediately stall once your lips connect and, for a split second, complete terror floods through your veins as the severity of the act hits you.

his hand flies to your face, cupping your cheek and holding you in place as he deepens the kiss with a quiet moan. you squirm under him, your hips pinned to the mattress and flush with his, impatiently seeking out more.

more stimulation, more pleasure, more him.

"we shouldn't be doing this," he mutters against your lips after prying himself away. "the— the agreement—" he adds, though the words die on his tongue as he kisses you again, hungry, like he's been starving up until this point. you try your best to keep up, even as the sheer possessiveness of the kiss easily steals all the air from your lungs.

you break from the kiss only when you're forced to, taking staggering breaths while his hand leaves your face and trails down your side slowly, landing on your thigh once more. he kneads the flesh before pulling your leg to wrap around his waist, allowing his cock to push in that much deeper.

"you deserve better than this." yuri says, pressing his forehead to yours.

with an airy chuckle, you shake your head. "i want you—"

yuri lets out a sound akin to a whimper and a moan, his iron grip on you only tightening when you roll your hips into his. "i'm not— hah, fuck— you feel like heaven… i'm not worth it. i don't deserve it."

you shush him softly, thumbs stroking along his cheeks as you press your lips to his. "let me give you a little peace." you murmur, letting out another heady moan after he starts rocking into you again, his cockhead brushing against that spongy spot inside you that has your back arching off the mattress.

"i only know peace with you in my arms." he replies with a choked sigh. the pressure in the pit of your stomach rapidly builds - between his words and his cock practically rearranging your guts to fit itself deeper inside, you're rendered little more than a breathless, desperate mess pinned underneath him.

it doesn't take much longer for you to reach your peak, barely having the chance to give proper warning before it's washing over you.

"fuck, m'gonna cum—!" you cry, fat tears gathering at your waterline and threatening to spill over.

yuri groans, gravelly, drowning in his own pleasure. "that's it, just come undone for me... show me how good you feel— how good i make you feel." his voice drops, a near-growl lacing his words by the end of the command.

"please, любимая— i need it, i need to feel you..." he says against your lips. "you can do it, i know you can, just one more for me."

that's all it takes to send your next orgasm crashing over you, your legs shaking and mouth falling open in a broken moan of his name. he keeps fucking you through it, hands grasping and kneading at your soft skin hard enough to bruise in the morning, pressing his body flush to yours as he chases his own release.

"good, good... i knew you could do it, my good girl," yuri utters, thrusting sloppily into your heat. "almost there— going to fill you up, nice and full— you've been so good, done so well for me. so proud of you."

he finishes with a guttural moan, pressing impossibly closer to you as warmth floods your insides, some of his cum spilling out of your overworked cunt as he gives a couple more thrusts before stilling, both of you breathing heavily. you stay there for a few seconds, yuri's hands running over your flushed skin as yours run along his shoulders and back, silently basking in the moment.

"i don't deserve you," he says, voice quiet as he kisses a small trail to your ear.

you trace abstract shapes into his skin, smiling to yourself at the way he leans into your touch. "we wouldn't be in this position if you didn't," you angle your head and pepper the side of his jaw with chaste kisses. "we are really bad at following our own rules, though." you add with a chuckle.

he hums, agreeing, and pulls back enough to look down at you. a beat passes before your spent pussy throbs, feeling his half-softened cock start to harden again.

"just one more?" he asks, watching intently as your eyelids droop at the sensation.

"no, yuri— i can't—"

"you can, you've done it before." he reassures you, capturing your lips in a brief, but sweet kiss. "just one more, okay? i promise, just one."

he sits up and drags you along with him, sliding out of your cum-soaked cunt and turning your tired body over as you whine and grumble about it. your front is laid flat against the pillows and your hips propped up, his hands massaging them while he shushes you gently.

yuri presses into you again, his cock sliding past your folds with little resistance and nestling deep inside you with a single push. you whimper from the overstimulation, clit throbbing and legs shaking as you try to hold yourself up.

all it takes to make you moan and bury your face in the pillow is a sharp thrust, his pelvis slamming against the backs of your thighs as he starts a pace you weren't at all expecting. how does he still have so much fucking energy?

"see? i told you— my good girl, my perfect girl, you can give me another one." he muses, rutting into you and savoring each lewd sound that leaves your mouth and soaking wet cunt.

"i can't— 's too much, yuri—" you sob, tears finally spilling over and streaking down your cheeks as he tugs you closer, your tired body sliding up the mattress every time he slams back into you. "please, 'm gonna fall— too weak, too much—" you babble between sniffles and ragged gasps, fisting the bedsheets.

one of his arms circles around your middle and pulls you back, forcing you to sit up on your knees as he holds you to his chest. your head falls forward almost immediately, struggling to keep upright, and his free hand wraps around your throat, carefully but firmly moving your head to rest against his shoulder. he's not choking you, he's not even applying enough pressure to affect your airflow, but it made your breath hitch nonetheless.

"you can take it. just one more, just cum for me one more time," yuri says, dipping his head to press wet, sloppy kisses to your shoulder and neck. "my perfect girl, my sweet fucking girl— want to fill you up, милая. make you drip with me." you wince when his teeth sink in to your skin, leaving painful marks that he soothes with a lick and another kiss, before sucking dark hickeys wherever his mouth can reach.

you frantically grab onto his arms for stability, laying your head back on his shoulder as his hand leaves your neck and travels down your front. it lightly skims over your bruised nipples and makes you shiver, before sliding down your stomach and reaching your clit. he settles two fingers on it, grunting against your pulse as your abused walls clamp down around his length like a vice.

you're dizzy, head spinning as you feel your climax approaching, the pleasure coiling deep in your stomach and causing you to cling to him that much harder.

"yuri... i'm gonna— fuck, please, i wanna cum—"

"i know, i know—" yuri buries his face in the crook of your neck, biting down to muffle the animalistic sounds pouring from his lips. "cum for me, just one more. you can rest after, i'll take care of you, just give me one more—"

you break with a sob, his name falling from your lips like some kind of mantra as your cunt gushes and spasms around his cock.

your body might as well be boneless with how much you're trembling, held up entirely by yuri's arms around you and his own body supporting you. true to his word, he lays you down again, your upper half limply resting on the bed as he grinds into you, barely pulling out before slamming back in.

his pace is frantic, uneven, as he literally fucks you into the mattress, and you don't even have the energy to help him get off like you want to. all you can do is moan and look at him with half-lidded, glassy eyes from over your shoulder, watching as he nears his own peak.

"please, want it inside... please, yuri—" the words slip out, almost inaudible over the sounds of your shared panting, the bed creaking, and the arrhythmic knocking of the headboard against the wall. you'd pity whoever has the room adjacent, if you could even remember any names other than yuri's.

your begging seems to be what finally sends him over the edge, his cum spilling into you again as he lets out a broken moan and a string of curses in russian, your slick walls fluttering around him and trying to milk his cock for everything it has.

he nearly collapses on top of you after a few more thrusts, his body falling in line with yours as he lets some of his weight rest on you. you're both spent, taking in greedy gasps of air as you gradually come down from your highs.

yuri's the first to move, pulling his cock out of you and shifting to hover just above your body, his upper half still comfortably pressing into yours. a gentle hand runs along your side as he peppers your shoulders and the back of your neck with tender kisses, his warm breath fanning over you.

"we, um..." you clear your throat upon hearing the hoarse tone. "we're screwed, aren't we?"

he chuckles, leaning in to kiss the spot below your ear. "yes, we are."

"i think i prefer it this way."

"so do i."

translations:

любимая (liubimaya) - my love/beloved

милая (milaya) - dear/darling

taglist: @sofasoap

[itsyagurlchip]

ask: @snipersiniora If so can i please request for a rottmnt family platonic one-shot of little sister reader and her family? Reader is as the same age as Mikey.

Where reader admits she's been secretly dating a yokai or mutant boy for months and she not only admit to it but asks if he can meet her family to see if he's good or not.

If you want to know the boyfriend is a keeper (good guy) but how reader's family react and do in the meeting is up to you.

☀︎⋆.ೃ࿔*:･Why Did I Tell Them...☀︎⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

ᯓᡣ𐭩warnings: cussing (!) the usual crack (!) reader is called pink (!) lil bit a angst(!)

ᯓᡣ𐭩 So late... (im sorry) I'm thinking about making this a "Pink Series" bc I don't usually name reader for the sake of inclusivity. I don't think I want them to meet, but moreso write how they react. Thank you though!! Again, thank you Snipes for the request <333

ᯓᡣ𐭩 Ohhhhh reader is keeping secretttss🫵🏾

"Sooo..I have a boyfriend..."

"ERM WHat THe FACK???"

"I'm finally getting grandchildren! Hope had been restored!"

"dad wtf"

"huh"

"but why?"

"Yep, had a hunch." Leo said, walking out of the room. "Come back to me when you have some actual groundbreaking news.." Flipping his tail mask he walked on, making you grimace at him at his nonchalance about the situation.

Leo knew 😐

Nothing really more to say.

He honestly thought you'd never be able o pull somebody-

But the night you came home, absolutely smiten, dreamy eyes, literal fucking poems in your diary-

It was safe to say that somebody had pulled you.

Leo's glad that you have a partner, but if he ever catches the dushbag treating you other than perfect?

He honestly won't be responsible for the next actions he'll take.

"Pink! You have a BOYFRIEND? Why didn't you tell me?" Mikey said, hugging you at your hips as he teared up. "My lil sis is growing up and didn't even wanna tell me *sniff* *sniff*." You pushed him away with a small frown.

"That's why. It's like you guys are always in my business, like it's a k-drama." You said, taking a deep breath.

WHHHHHHHAAAAAT!?!??!?!?

Mikey honestly couldn't believe it-

You literally just told him about one of the most important parts of your life.

And you DIDN'T want him freak out?

What happened to the days where you two would gossip about HOT PEOPLE!?😭

When he would paint your nails as you told him some part 34 drama from things you'd hear from the topside???

WHere HaVe THe tImEs GOOOoNNNE?

But genuinely, he's super happy for you!

Especially since you thought you would've never gotten a partner-

He just wishes you told him sooner.

"A BOYFRIEND PINK? REALLY?" Donnie exclaimed, gripping his head. "Did she really say that!?"

"yes that's what I just said."

"OOOOkAY! THAT'S IT! I need to know the name of this- "partner" *eugh*, that you've courted."

"why did you say it like that, you-" Breath in, breath out. "nevermind."

Donnie wants to kill this so called "boyfriend".

How dare you go behind his back and get find a "boyfriend."

He better be a BOY that's a FRIEND.

Or..else.

Like, idk. Maybe he'll- nope that's just illegal.

He's gonna do SOMETHING!!! That won't guarantee him jail time!!

He can smell that punk all over you and its disgusting.

"Dude! Back up! What the heck?" You grimaced at the the way his snout tickled your neck.

"I'm just making sure you didn't get a-" Raph glared at Donnie. "some cooties. You never know how often a guy showers!" He said, proceeding to swab your mouth.

You pushed him away with a huge frown, rolling your tongue around your mouth to get the texture away.

"This!! This is why I didn't want to tell you guys. You specifically Donnie!" He tried speaking up- "No! Listen to me! Isn't that the reason why you wanted to go out on your own Mikey? To prove you can handle stuff on your own?" You yelled, huffing at the silence.

"But that was different-" Mikey started.

"No it isn't! You were able to be independent by showing you could get us that trashy game!" You stomped in frustration. "I'm not even fighting and you guys are acting like my life's on the line!!" Your face was a fully on ugly frown, with a tear or two beading in your eye.

"Pinkie Pie, my baby sister, my sweetest little bubble gum," You rolled your eyes at Raph's nicknames. "you gotta understand the difference between putting your life at stake, and putting your feelin's at stake." Raph said, reaching for your shoulder.

Raph was beginning to build a headache. It's like, his siblings want to grow up when he doesn't want them to :((

He missed the times where you were itty bitty, and so cute, and wanted to hangout with your big brothers all the time!

But now, most days, you end up sneaking out during missions.

At least he knows you aren't in physical danger. That eased half of his mind.

But Mind Raph was telling him that maybe Pink dating wasn't such a good idea...

If only you could be his sweet little sister again

He's mentally wiping tears rn.

You snatched your shoulder from him, marching away.

"It's either you guys meet him this Sunday, or we'll be out the whole day!" You shouted, shoving your curtains away to 'slam' them.

"THIS SUNDAY!!!??"

"Yo, Red, imma need you to go out and buy 30 bags of popcorn. Life's just getting good and I cannot waste it watching my single sons moping."

૮₍˶• .•⑅₎ა tags: @kittykittyanon @bonefanatic @oleander-nin @towomatos @thealphagirl

૮₍˶• .•⑅₎ა@ziipzeepzop-eez @wheezdostuff @spongejuice @cyb3r-st4r @matteo-hamato

@clown-froggi

if you would like to be added, check my blog. if you would like to be added, check my blog. SEE? I SAID IT TWICE!!

[whateverisbeautiful]

♥️ Ranking Richonne

#30: This Is It (S7E12)

Their smiles in this 7.12 scene will forever warm my heart. 🥹 And after seeing the palpable yearning Rick and Michonne have for each other in each of these TOWL trailers, you just know that it’s moments like the one on this rooftop that they both long to return to. (Side note: when they said TOWL would be an epic love story they were not playing around 🔥 every teaser and trailer is showing why this is the most epic husband and wife and this is some crazy love for real. 😍)

Now y'all know Richonne's honeymoon episode 'Say Yes' is gonna make multiple appearances on this Top 30 list. Starting with this lovely moment right here where our power couple is so visibly enamored with each other...

(And y’all, at first I really thought I was gonna make these posts a lil paragraph each, but then I saw a post that said, “I’m my target audience on Tumblr,” and I was like - you know what that person is right lol. And I love me some detailed Richonne insights, both to nestle in and read and to write, so instead of short and sweet, these posts are about to be my signature-length and sweet. Cuz truly I can’t help but go all out when it comes to reveling in Richonne)

Lemme start by saying we are so fortunate to have Andy and Danai as the captains of this ship and that this extraordinary TV relationship is in the hands of two extraordinary actors. The way they give their all to these characters and always speak so beautifully about Rick and Michonne’s relationship is just a blessing. 🙌🏾

I remember Andy saying that he likes to think “I love you” is communicated every time Rick looks at Michonne, and it really really is. And this moment in 'Say Yes' is a prime example. The way they look at each other throughout this scene was a loud and clear “I love you” from them both, and I absolutely love to see it. 

Ok so refresher - because the universe was like Richonne deserves to keep winning on this honeymoon, they climb on that roof and find a boatload of guns at a carnival. And I love that they let Rick and Michonne’s run take place at such a date-like environment.

And I am smiling uncontrollably seeing the two of them smile when they realize this is it. They’re so beautiful and their joy brings me joy. It’s great seeing that they’re in such a good mood after being so down in 7A, and I adore every glance and synchronized smile they share. 

I love Rick saying, “I think this is it” and Michonne smiling as she agrees. This line is pretty accurate to their relationship too. This relationship is it. This is the one for them. I mean, Andy said it himself - Rick found the greatest love story of his life in finding Michonne.

Rick asks, “Think we can?” which is also cute cuz he def knows they can. As was shown in the 7.10 ep 'New Best Friends,' Rick thoroughly enjoys the fact that he and his woman are such a power couple and there’s nothing they can’t do. (and the CRM finna learn there's nothing this husband and wife can't do together real soon 💁🏽‍♀️)

When Rick asks if she thinks they can, Michonne is like let me find the coolest way possible to say 'yes we can' when she gets a determined look on her face and shoots those cans from a far distance. It’s nice cuz when she went out practicing her shot in 7.04 it was a very frustrating experience for her, but now with her man by her side and fighting the fight with him, she’s having a far more fun and successful time. And this would be how two of the baddest in the land have a carnival date. 😋

I love how happy Rick seems to be here to see Michonne in her element. He knew she had been practicing out there alone, and now he gets to see that of course his boss of a wife has got good at it. And their smiles and laughs. Food for the soul.  

You can just feel Rick taking in every moment he has with her and cherishing it. His adoration for this woman is so visible. And as we know, at this point, Rick had come to terms with the fact that he may not make it out of this Saviors war and that they’d lose people. So seeing him be so present in this moment with Michonne like they were the only two in the world, is all the more heartfelt cuz he’s trying to enjoy this moment like it’s his last. Cuz realistically, it could be.

And if his days really are numbered, then spending quality time enwrapped in Michonne's love and smiles is a major part of how Rick wants to enjoy what valuable life he has left.

Michonne is so glowy and happy in this scene too. 🥰  This is the face of a woman whose heart is being cared for by a good man who will be by her side through anything. Her adoration and fulfillment with her man are so fully on display, and she's so deserving of this kind of love and happiness. Also it’s sweet how Rick has this impressed look at her as she knocks down those cans.

And truly what makes this a top 30 scene for me is their reactions after she says that. Because Michonne gives Rick the most sincere sweet smile that is just so clear she loves him. And then the lingering way Rick looks at her 😍…based on that look it just feels like my man Rick was a bit overcome with his love for her. 🥹

It was most definitely a moment of Rick thinking, 'How’d I get so lucky finding you?' And I love that Rick can never hide his feelings for her. This is a man who is so deeply in love with his wife. And how he quietly soaks up this happy moment with her melts my entire heart. You can genuinely see that this moment in time with his true love is one Rick treasures and wants to hold onto for as long as he can.

And I just so respect that with his character so aware that life can be cut short, he’s really presently basking in each moment with her. Time with Michonne and their family is what Rick most wants. And it's refreshing to see them both be so fully present in their Richonne bubble and enjoying what they've always wanted in this scene.

The scene ends with them falling through the roof, but then after a moment of silence, you hear them laughing yet again. I love it. Nothing was bursting that Richonne bubble.

Andy and Danai understand the assignment every time when it comes to depicting Richonne’s relationship. And I love that they knew in an ep where they get to just have all this alone time, they would be so smiley and on cloud nine. And this was one of the moments that beautifully portrayed that. 

Joy wasn't often depicted on this show, but whenever Rick and Michonne got alone time together it was joy’s time to shine. They know they can get through anything together so they’re able to just take a moment and enjoy each other and laugh and smile and that is a rare and wonderful thing only the two of them could give each other in this way.

So if you were to ask me what true love is, I’d show you Richonne scenes like these and just have three words - This. Is. It. 😌

[messrsrobyn]

Ok nobody I’ve asked seems to give me a direct answer so I figured I’d just voice all my concerns with you? You don’t have to answer everything 😭😭

When it comes to fandom friends how do you move from just being moots to being friend friends? I saw a video you made about it when somebody had asked you a similar question but I’m really struggling with getting them to feel like friends and not just random accounts in my phone.

I’ve seen videos people have made and you guys are sharing jokes in the comments. I saw video of 3 girls that said “Us when anyone hates on mesrsrobyn” and you said like “Fan behaviour” which obviously shows that you’re actually their friend and you’re just teasing them.

Also how do you find people who are ok with you not responding all the time (😭😭😭) I’m just genuinely not active very much on any forms of social media. I was in a marauders gc and I was really happy thinking I was gonna make fandom friends but because I wasn’t active all the time they had a bunch of inside jokes I didn’t get and I kinda felt like an outsider.

Most of the people I see you interacting with online seem really cool and fun, so I’m just wondering where to find people like that. Just genuinely from posting?

I’m sure I’ve worded all this so strangely but honestly I’m sad because I’ve been in this fandom for 3 years in November and I have made no real lasting friendships. I feel like you yapping so much LOL

IK THE VIDEO 😭 my besties yup !!

this is long so i'm putting the lil dashy line thingy

i have v limited advice actually bc i don't think i've initiated many of my friendships in fandom?? despite how little i stfu, i'm a shyyy person. i get scared to text first.

my BIGGEST bit of advice is take. it. off. the. app.

i try to get discords mainly (bc i use it most) but once you take it off of tiktok or wherever you met it feels so much less like mutuals. like yes, we met in fandom but now we are discussing our plans for the day and getting to know each other as Robyn not Messrsrobyn.

i made most of my friends from posting !! i made my account as a whole to meet people and (ive been flagging a bit recently actually but) i always try to reply to EVERYONEEE. so most of my friends were just people that commented that i replied to, their name kept popping up in my notifs? boom. friends. one of them said they loved crimson rivers so next time i found an edit i sent it to them.

ALSO !! i'm so bad at replying.

servers im more active in i think, but just... dms? not very good at all. anyone that doesn't respect that or gets mad? 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️ i dont want them as a friend.

like it's frustrating i know! i hate the amount of lil red bubbles i have on every single app but it doesn't mean i value my friends any less and they all know that <3 we don't always have the time or capacity to reply and that's okie.

i tend to get it out the way immediately and test the waters. just a lil "btw i'm really sorry for my reply times! i'm not the best at it but feel free to double text me as much as you want" and always make sure that i follow up on everything that's been said whilst i wasn't replying.

im rambling a bit i fear but the right friends won't get mad at it, or make you feel less important bc of it. it might just take some time to find them but You Will.

i feel like i havent actually given much advice?? i'm genuinely so so so lucky to have found the friends that i have but i did nothing. i think i said in a few of my tiktoks rightttt at the beginning that my dms were open for friends and then i think? hope? that i've kept that energy going of like someone that anyone can message and i'll get back to them (at some point 😭 my tiktok dms are a mess but thats an issue for future robyn) so i've been able to just sit back and naturally find them.

i live by the motto of "the worst they can do is not reply" every time i send a comment or dm to a new person

we're all just losers reading fanfiction !! we all want lil friends to talk to about it so interaction and reaching out gives us that BUT it's the taking it off of the app that takes it from mutuals to friends imo.

this is UNNECESSARILY LONG omg. i never know how to answer these ones but i hope it helps a lil? <3 social interaction is NOT my finest point. potentially my worst i fear.

[gigidragonbbxxx]

Okay so I'll try to make it as simple and short as possible, for me the most logical way to manifest is REPETITION by repeating any affirmations over and over again it has no option but to manifest either a thought or a visual representation of your manifestation. So I've been repeating this one scenario in my head for around 2 years like the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep this specific scenario has been looping in my mind non stop even when I gave up on manifestation I quite all technique and everything I still used to loop this visuals (video) where I've everything I want like rn I'm thinking as if, I don't do this to get something I genuinely love doing this (acting as if/ visualizing) because obviously that gives me happiness my question here is why my subconscious is not reprogrammed yet when every second evey hour there is only scene in my head I don't get this and now finally I'm so hopeless and actually want a answer. Whether you believe it or not repetition is the key if you repeat something over and over and over and over and over again our brain creates new neural pathway and then it will show up in our reality. Then what the fuck is wrong with me

I REALLY WANT TO DIE NOWW

Everything will be okay. To whoever sent this, no you do not want to die. You want your new reality very badly and that's understandable.

So please bear with me and know I'm saying all of this with kindness:

from what I'm reading, you've been looping this scenario in your head for 2 years and are still looking for it. you already seemingly have read and taken the advice of repetition, acting as it, etc.

I'll be honest, I'm worried for you so I'm gonna go back to basics.

Are you viewing this reality as "It's mine now" or do you view it as something you're chasing?

Steps to Take:

take a break. seriously. take a break.

take stock of what has happened in your life within the 2 yrs you've been manifesting it - have there been small changes? have you been experiencing at the minimum, some of your desired reality?

take time to refocus on YOU. sit down, make a mind map of who YOU are and then make a separate one for your dream reality and see if they're truly different

treat yourself the same way the version of you in that reality would, just to jolt yourself in the feeling of living in the end and not just imagination, sometimes ppl need a lil 3D encouragement. for example, if the version of you always gets what they want, go into a store and buy your favorite snack just because. practice feeling good about your life.

even if you know what to do, going back and reading Neville Goddard or listening to edward art on youtube is helpful.

Final Piece of Advice

Suggested Affirmations

No matter what I feel, no matter how frustrated I am, nothing messes up the fact that my manifestations are coming in for me.

I know I am worthy of my dream reality.

I always do everything right.

I release any blockages or resistance that hinder me from experiencing my desired life

You know you deserve it. Treat yourself with love.

See you in your desired timeline, xx, gigi

[khiphop-discussions]

What are some fun facts or funny/wholesome khiphop stories, events, whatever they may be that you heard of? I feel like I always see the tea and beef but nothing else somehow 😆

Hold on let me think back. I think I've talked about most of these before but they are scattered across different years and posts:

Giriboy thought he was the best rapper in Korea until he heard Lil Boi (I think Giriboy said this when he was the producer on SMTM)

Epik High was at a phone store a LONG time ago (NOTE: Epik High used to kinda be assholes sometimes back in the earlier days). A lady came in to get a new phone screen or a screen protector (can't remember which). DJ Tukutz just said out loud "Just buy a new one". The lady just walked out without finishing any transactions. It turns out that lady was Kang Hyejung (Actress/Tablo's wife)! I guess it didn't leave TOO bad of an impression as Tablo and Hyejung were still able to get married and have a family later when they officially met BUT I wonder how awkward it was when Tukutz actually met her officially. Also if he ever apologized for being a jerk LOL . I'm honestly shocked AF she didn't tell him off cause Tablo has told other stories about her before and she seems to have a strong personality. Maybe she wasn't in the mood that day or she was just embarrassed. I can't remember where this story was told. Probably an interview or a variety show.

When DPR Live/Dabin worked at a Subway when he first came to Korea, Christian used to always come in and get the most basic sandwich. Like turkey/ham (can't remember exactly which meat. maybe both), lettuce, and then other basic sandwich ingredients. Dabin wanted to make something more fancy but Christian just liked the basic sandwich. Story told on IG live w/ Christian and Live

The Quiett gave the TERRBLE advice to LeellaMarz that he shouldn't save any money until he turns 30. I'm honestly shocked The Quiett would give such terrible advice like this but then again, younger Quiett did seem like he spent excessively too. Leella has actually been listening to that advice too. He has 3 luxury cars and doesn't save. HOWEVER, Leella comes from money so I guess it's not really an issue. I can't remember the jobs but both of his parents have good, well respected jobs. This story was told on Psick show.

Changmo complained about his relationships (and potentially other life struggles) so much that eventually The Quiett got annoyed. IT was just an sigh tbh but apprently that's more frustration than anyone else in Ambition has ever seen The Quiett show. I can't remember where this was but it might be from the "Tomorrows Hangover" episode with Changmo, Ash Island, and Hash Swan

Queen Wasabii used to have a crush on the YouTuber/Variety Star Dex when they were doing the show Bloody Game 1 together (I don't really like wasabii but this story is cute so I put it). This was shown on Bloody Game 1.

When Yun B was on Bloody Game 2, he was kidnapped by the outdoors team and taken to the forest. This was done while he was sleeping in the middle of the night. So he was still in his underwear when they took him. He didn't think he'd be gone long when they woke him up. Luckily he took a backpack and it had some of his clothes in it LOL. This was shown on Bloody Game 2.

Ash Island slipped and fell while he was performing "Melody" at one of the festivals last year. I can't remember which one but it's still on Youtube if you wanna go look. It's the outside festival and I think he was wearing all Black.

YEARS ago I was in B-Free's IG live and he was talking about Dok2's old hairline. I typed "Don't make fun of/talk about that boy" (I can't remember whether I said "don't talk about" or "don't make fun of") in the comments. I was just kidding and put LOL and everything but I guess B-Free thought I was serious. So he was like "Oh my bad, I'm sorry". Then I started to feel bad because I felt like I was killing the vibe LOL. He was also saying that BeWhy's hair looked painted on LOL. (Again this was a SUPER long time ago. Probably 2016 or 2017).

[The wholesome/heartwarming part] Coogie said Code Kunst is his role model now that he's in AOMG. [The not so wholesome but funny part] When Code Kunst asked why not Kian84 or Simon D. Coogie said that Kian is a writer and Simon D is handsome... He thinks him and Code Kunst are on the same tier lookswise so that's why he chooses him.

REALLY old Khiphop stuff but Masta Wu and Danny Im (1tym) used to be really close to the level of a bromance LOL. Obviously Danny and Teddy Park were really close back then but I didn't know that Masta Wu was that type LOL. But I guess it checks out cause Wu told Danny that Danny "taught him humility" when Danny was leaving Korea for the US. From Danny From LA show

More REALLY old Khiphop stuff but YG Entertainment used to have a ping pong tournament back in the days (seems like this story was at some point during the 2nd gen kpop days but possibly from before). It was fun but apparently people got too serious. Teddy went and bought a professional paddle and started kicking everyone's ass. So then EVERYONE participating at YG had to go buy a professional paddle so it wasn't so unbalanced. I don't remember who ended up winning. From Danny Im's podcast

Loopy scolded one of the mkitain members (I think Bloo but maybe it was more than one member) in front of Kid Milli. The story seemed serious when it was told but I just think it's funny to get scolded in front of Kid Milli. It was probably so awkward for everyone. I think this was old during the Mkitwon series.

Apparently, Cha Cha ends up getting more girls if him and Jay go out together. from Ben Baller's OLD podcast. I don't even know if this episode with Jay is still available or not.

I can't think of anything else right now but I think this is a nice list.

[noodlefluid]

I HAVE A RISE X READER ASKKK post krang invasion. donnie and reader are hanging out in his lab. donnie is upset bc he misses his old lab and the tech he had, now he has to build everything from scratch again. reader is chilling on one of donnies many spinny chairs and gets curious abt how his life was before the krang invaded, reader starts asking questions abt his lab and life n stuff.

he tells them how cool his lab was and the adventures they had and how they fought villians, then donnie brings up jupiter jim and the reader is like “what’s that??” and from then on, donnie is scavenging the base, looking for the comics (maybe the comics can be in leos room and they have a lil argument bc leo wants to know why donnie needs his comics and donnies ashamed to admit he wanted to get them so he can read them to reader) after donnie retrieves the comics he shows them to the reader and the two of them chill w each other, reading all of the jupiter jim comics

Never the same | Donnie×Reader

▪︎Sumary

Donnie gets nostalgic about his past life and start talking about it. After you ask him about one of his favorite super heroes, Donnie decides he have to show it to you no matter what.

❥Type: Fanfic

 ❥Characters: Donnie Leo Reader

 ❥Reader's pronouns: no mention

 ❥Relationship: Crush (implied)

 ❥Autor notes: Hi, sorry for the delay. This is my first request and therefore I wanted it to be the first one I published,I think this ended up being more focused on donnie and leo, but I hope you still like it . Also, please remember this is my first time writing and that english isn't my first language, any mistake either in writing style, grammar or just any suggestion in general is welcome, but please be kind :)

Warning: probably ooc leo and donnie, Angst, verbal argument, y/n is bland as hell lol, minor swearing

Word count:3225

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ »◦✿◦« ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

“ugh…” Donnie was looking at one of his latest invention, it didn't go as planned and it was starting to annoy him, this was already fifteenth try and it was going nowhere 

You were sitting in a chair beside him, spinning to beat the boredom and just trying to disconnect with the world for a moment, but as soon as you heard the sigh leave the purple turtle’s lips you stop what you were doing “What's wrong?”

“Nothing, it’s just…this stupid thing doesn’t work” you could see the frustration in his face, he was agitated, he groaned out of frustration “This wouldn’t happened if I just had my old lab”

Curiosity began to flourish from the moment these words were uttered. Even when the four brothers were seen as heroes, no one really knew too much about them, and no one could be bothered to ask either, we were in and out of danger every single day. Still, the atmosphere of this half-built lab make you feel nostalgic, you were starting to miss normal even when you sometimes complained about how boring was your past life, you were missing those exact moment of boring.

You met the brothers once they saved you in one of the many rescues they performed after the krang began to invade New York and finally the whole world. A world of suffering, where humans and yokai struggled together trying to survive the apocalypse. Maybe it was because of the way you encountered them for the first time, but it didn't take you long to get attached to them.. Especially, the purple one, Donatello, he never left the base unless necessary since he was responsible for maintaining the shields, because of that you saw him often. Donnie took his job seriously, always making some sort of gadget  to make missions easier and faster. You spent a lot of time around him, it seemed to bother him at first but now he was more used to your presence. It was probably because of this that you started to feel curious about the past of the turtles that saved your life, and this was just the perfect moment to ask

“How was it?” You asked, looking at the ground due to nervousness

“hmm? what do you mean?” The mutant looked away from his work to pay attention to you

“your lab, how was it?"

Donnie's face immediately light up “Oh my dear y/n, it was magnificent” He turn his whole body to you, noticeably excited to talk about it “I had so many inventions and material, you would be impress, a-and” The excitement make him trip over his word “Not to brag but the aesthetics were, heh, just marvelous, if I say myself, the purple LEDs and my incredible organization make my lab the best room in our...home” he sigh that last word, leaning back on his chair “I’m sure you would have loved it...I use to spend days in between those walls. I had this drone named S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N, he was sometimes annoying, but he was my pride, almost like a son to me, he was severed damage in a fight, and just when I managed to bring him back… this happened” He looked annoyed but you could feel the sadness on his words, he keep talking. “I just kinda wish this lab could make itself, you know?, now it just messy and doesn’t look scientific enough, my old lab had everything a turtle could wish, it was perfect”

“Well, I think is nice tho” you felt stupid for saying that and gave yourself a mental slap in the face, he didn't need kind words, it was a dumb

“Yeah…it is "nice", but I miss my old one, and…well, I guess my whole life in the lair” He sounded a little down there, looking somewhere between his work and blueprints

“How…how was your life before?" You feel imprudent for a moment, you already make him quite sad, and you were just putting salt on an open wound. Sometimes you hated your curiosity “if…if you don’t mind me asking, I-I understand if you don’t…” your voice reflected a bit of shyness as you spoke faster than usual, it didn't matter if you were friends with the turtle, he still was your superior, and most important,the hero of the apocalipse, you always tried to treat him with respect, but the familiarity was such that you sometimes forgot to put your filter on

Donnie gives you a little smile “It's okay." Of course the turtle was oblivious to your thoughts, he didn't care about ranks between you two "Well…hmm" He started talking "we were just hiding in the sewer, we couldn’t really go out that much. I think It is one of the few things I like about now, we can interact with humans without scaring them away” He looked puzzled, hesitant, probably asking himself what was worth telling “we were…usually fighting again some mutant who was dumb enough to use their power for evilish things, those oozquitoes where quiet the trouble”

You opened your eyes, news were full of strange event about people turning into monster, one of them being the world famous chef Rupert Swaggart, but you actually never pay too much attention to it, since it always ended up solving itself in some strange circumstance, now you knew the true “Wait, it was you? that it's so awesome” Your eyes were sparkling of excitement, just when you thought they couldn’t be cooler "Those incident were everywhere, I actually thought they were just some kind of stuff TV came up with for the audience or something like that, b-but it was you?, it must have been fun, you're amazing Donnie" This just add to the reasons you admired the turtle brothers

Donnie's cheeks burn at the compliment, he try to hide it “Yes, it was fun. Although I preferred it when we were just relaxing in the lair, making fun of the last stupid thing Leo did, playing video games, and when the only fights we had were over who got the last slice of pizza or which Jupiter Jim movie we were going to see first, you know?” He spoke softly, looking down and making a few gesture with his hands here and there while speaking

You looked at him confused. “What's that?” you asked

“What's what?”

“That umm.. Jupiter…Jim?” you were quiet for a few seconds trying to figure out if you had said it correctly, after deciding that you did you start talking again “What it is?”

Donnie looks at you like if you had insulted all his ancestry “Captain Jupiter Jim? you don’t know who captain Jupiter Jim is?!” You started thinking that this had to be really important for one of the Hamato brothers to be this defensive, maybe it has something to do with their training? perhaps a really important figure in the ninja world?. Donatello looked thoughtful you were gonna ask about it but you were interrupted as the soft shell suddenly stood up with a determined look “I need to go” and with that the turtle walked out his lab leaving you even more confused

« • ❁ • »

Donnie went into Leonardo’s room, he was the biggest fan, so it wouldn’t be weird for him to have the comics and maybe the movies that were saved from the lair. He was searching in the bookshelf

“What are you doing?” the sudden sound of a voice make him jump, slamming his back against the shelf and knocking some things over., it was his twin brother

Donnie didn't know whether knowing who the voice was coming from made him panicked more or relieved...he was panicking obviously.  “uh- um…no-nothing?, nothing! not searching for anything here” the soft-shell turtle picked up the thing that fall from the bookshelf while speaking

Leo looked at his brother with obvious oddity “uh…sure” the blue turtle throw his odachi on his bed, he was just arriving from a mission and totally didn’t expect to see his brother trying to steal something, he keep making eye contact with Donnie, he knew how to get responses from him “so?”

“s-so what?” Donnie try to maintain the eye contact

“What ya looking for? Need your big brother's help?” Leo smiled teasingly, it was weird to see Donnie so nervous, and he was gonna tease the hell out of him to get answers

“I just said I wasn’t looking for anything, and for the last time, it is obvious that I’m the older Nardo.”

“uh-huh…yeah, sure” Leo looked unimpressed of both statements

“As I say, I wasn’t looking for anything, since anything that belong to the such of you it’s probably unworthy” Donnie broke the eye contact first, looking at the door, obviously wanting to escape from this situation

Leo saw his intentions and immediately put himself as a barrier between his brother and the door “Well, if my belongings are so unworthy, what were you doing in my chambers?” he made a mocking gesture along with the last word, kinda proud of himself for using book words

“I-I…um” he stuttered trying to find the correct words to leave this situation “You know…I was just doing normal typical brotherly things, just uh…wanting to spend time with my favorite brother” Those last two words had a bitter taste in donnie's mouth. 

Leo couldn’t help but laugh “I’m your favorite brother?” he continued laughing so much that tears started to come out “That was a good one Dee hehe…so what do you want?” The face of the blue turtle turn serious with the last sentence

“I said it was nothing” Donatello hissed annoyed “...but just by chance, have you seen those jupiter jim comics?” He finally admitted,

“Ah ha! you did want something” Leo shouted victorious, just to realize about something not even a second later “Wait…Why do you want my comics?” Leonardo knew his brother, this was suspicious behavior, Donnie was something special when it comes to comics.

“Why do I have to tell you everything? Do you have them or not?” The soft-shell bark his words at his brother, trying to hide his embarrassment, if Leo was to know the reason, he would never hear the end of it

“I do have then, but I'm not giving them to you if you don’t tell me, so start talking” Leonardo insisted, it sounded like a command which make Donnie even more nervous

“I’m not telling you” 

“Then you won’t have the comics”

“But I need them”

“Then talk."

Both twins were known for their stubbornness, they never gave to others, much less to each other.. Their fight could last hours if you let them, and one of their brothers always had to interfere. They stared at each other once again with flaming eyes, trying to intimidate the other

“Why do you want to know?”

“Because" The other replied "I’m talking to the person who cried when he had to open his comic without gloves” 

“I didn’t cry!”

“You did!”

“Ugh! whatever, just give me the comic for einstein sake” Donnie’s fist clenched

“Just tell me why you want them!” Leo demand once more

“I just want to...read them”

"Why can't you just tell me the true?" 

"I JUST DON'T WANT TO" The soft shell shouted, making his twins take a step back, both looking at each other surprised. The purple turtle covered his own mouth, he wasn't expecting to yell

Leo sighed, he didn't wanna fight with his brother for some dumb comics, he has more important thing to worry about, and knowing Donatello, he knew he wouldn't tell a thing if he didn't want to "Fine…no need to yell, I was just teasing" He sighed once again, not dearing to look at his brother

Donatello had a complicated expression. Back in the lair, they would keep screaming at each other until Raphael or Michelangelo made them stop, they would keep teasing at each other, maybe go physic, but at the end of the day they wouldn't even apologize, at least not with words, they would hang out in one of their room or Donnie's lab and have those unspoken conversations they always had. But this wasn't the lair or their past lives, there were just so much that wasn't the same, even when they were still living together, they never see each other, they were starting to feel like strangers, and it make Donatello feel insecure "I-I'm...sorry…I didn't- I" he spoke tripping over his own words. Donnie felt pathetic, starting to fidget with his fingers, his breath a little accelerated, avoiding any eye contact

"Hey, hey, It's okay, don't worry" Leonardo tried to comfort his brother, smiling and making sure the other knew he wasn't angry or anything while searching for something under his bed. A cardboard box "Here..." Leo offer the box to the other mutant

Donatello took a closer look at the box, inside there were not only the Jupiter Jim comics, but also some action figures, posters, among other stuff from the franchise "umm…thanks" both brother were uncomfortable, neither of them were good with "feelings" and "sincere moments"

"Yeah yeah, but next time just ask, don't come to my room to snoop around like a creep, you weirdo." Leonardo teased Donnie, trying to make the atmosphere a little less serious, it was starting to suffocating them both

The comment make the other laugh a little, but he covered his mouth to not give the him a clue "Scoff" he looked away

"Oh, shut up."

Donnie finally had the comics, now it was time to show them to you, were you gonna like them? What if you didn't like them? He went through all those problems, if you didn't like them he would probably cry internally. 

« • ❁ • »

Donnie sends you a message to come to his lab. You were still confused about the events from early on, but maybe he needed you for something important, it wasn't weird to ask you to test his inventions. When you arrived at the turtle's lab, he was on his desk looking at something, but you couldn't see it.

He then noticed you standing on the entrance "Finally!" the mutant spoke, he get up of his seat and walk towards you, taking you by the shoulder and sitting you on omce of the chairs, you then saw the thing he was looking at, there were various comics with Jupiter Jim as the title in it

"What's all this?" You asked 

"This, my dear y/n, is one of the best comic and movie franchises of all. And I just can't be friends with you if you don't know about this" Donnie has bright eyes, you could see how they were sparkling on excitement

"So...It's this the thing you talked about early?" You take on of the comics and give it a quick look at it, all your theories of a great and important ninja figure collapse with one glance, it was just a comic

"First of all, you can't call it "thing", this is a super valuable collection of Jupiter Jim merchandise" He takes the comic off your hands "second, you shall treat it with respect" he sat beside you. You couldn't help but laughed at how serious he was about those comics, it was hard to believe that the great Hamato Donatello, the smartest living being and one of your saviors, could be so excited about sometime so childish, your heart feel all fuzzy and warm inside.

The mutant searched sometimes inside the box, it looked like he was looking for something specific “ah ha! found it” the turtle beamed at the comic book in his hands, after giving it a quick look he gave it to you “here, read this one. It's one of the best to begin with”

You took the comic, staring at the cover. Just like the one before, the pages had the title “Jupiter Jim” in bright yellow, a dark skin man standing heroic, dressed as an astronaut with a little funny looking red fox on his side. You started reading the first page “The colors are so pretty”, it was the first comment you made, colors always had been a focus point for you

Donnie was just staring at you while you kept reading in silence, nodding or adding a few “I know, right” to your occasional comments. The purple turtle started to order the comics, trying to decide which one to give you next, there were a few chapters missing, he put a piece of paper to remember what needed explanation from a previous loss episode. He then just stared at you some more, it was quite interesting for him how focus you could get at something

“Wow…” You proclaim, closing the comic book and looking at the distance for a few seconds, trying to process what you have just read, and then looking at the turtle “That was such a roller coaster of emotion, like- like the fights a-and…“ You spoke fast, as if you were trying to put all your thoughts in one word "It just so awesome!! I can't describe it, I don't know how I have been living without knowing this" You kicked your feet with pure joy

Donnie was flapping his hand while listening to you talking about your first impression of the characters, story, just the whole thing! he didn’t want to interrupt but at the same time he wanted to ask so many questions about your thoughts. He felt himself over the moon just listening to you talking about one of his favorite things, he could barely conceal his delight “I know! I told you, this is a history treasure” he shouted, not being able to regulate his voice.

“I feel so foolish for thinking of such an amazing creation as childish, I shall regret my words and promise to worship this great creation.” You hold the comic with both hands, putting it in the air as a  sign of respect for a few seconds before snapping “Please, please!! show me some more” you got a little too close to the contrary 

Donnie would have usually pull you back, but his joy was just enough for him to not care and unconsciously put you closer instead “Oh dear y/n we are just getting started, this is not even a fraction of how amazing Jupiter Jim is” he took another comic book, holding it with both hand with the cover facing you, it was quite close to your face so you couldn't actually read the title “This is one of my favorite, buy I would need to explain some things, since to my sadness the first episode of this saga is missing” He put his chair closer to yours, opening the first page, you also got closer to get a better look “First…” He started explaining “The previous episode ended with this big battle between Jupiter Jim and…” You both began to read the comic, laughing and sharing your thoughts of the story. Time seemed not to move forward as you both enjoyed your time together, just having a fun time in the middle of this chaotic world, which may never be the same again, but for that moment you both forgot about that.

[and-knowing-is-half-the-battle]

Spare Me All Your Sympathy

FATWS!Bucky x gn!reader

Warnings: verbal abuse, flashbacks, angst, a lil fluff at the end. No use of Y/N.

Summary: Bucky struggles with whether to break off an abusive relationship. 

Length: 1k

Song: Sympathy by Too Close to Touch

I do not give permission to repost this work. 

Gif credit to @thewintersoldier​ (how many people did you kill to get that handle??)

He growled and threw his phone with force across the room, where it stuck into the drywall like a blade. Like the blades he felt like he was swallowing right now. He took a moment to compose himself, running his flesh hand down his face before assessing the damage. He stepped over to tug the phone out of the wall, the screen splintering even in his ginger grip. 

A numb feeling of defeat settled in his chest as he made a mental note to replace it in the morning, his clock currently showing 3:12am. May as well try to get some rest. He strode to the bedroom and stripped down his boxers before standing before the sink, his hands propped on the sink as he stared into the mirror. 

“Why is it always about you?” Her eyes were hard as she stared him down. “I can’t even have one night.”

He averted his eyes, guilt rising like bile in his throat. She was right. He always needed so much. Too much. It was unfair to expect of anyone. 

“Call me when you grow up,” she spat before storming out, leaving him in the silence of being alone. You knew this already, he told himself. You knew you were going to end up alone. 

He willed himself to move, splashing water on his face and feeling it drip down his chin to the chain of the dog tags ever hanging around his neck. He grabbed a towel and held it to his face, trying to ground himself. 

“If I hear ‘Steve’ one more time, I’m going to lose it,” 

He cringed at her tone, opening his mouth to respond - 

“And don’t you dare say ‘sorry’ again. I swear you only know two words. God, it’s pathetic. It’s a wonder you had a friend at all. You’re lucky I’m so patient.” 

He put the towel down, reaching for his toothbrush and flinching when he rubbed the spot in his cheek that he habitually bit down on. 

“You said to be there at 7!” He yelled, losing his temper again. 

“I said 6:30 and you fucking know it,” she screamed back. “It was humiliating waiting for you. I can’t believe you would be so inconsiderate.” 

“I’m inconsiderate?! I have to constantly think about what you want. But nothing is enough! Why the fuck do I bother?”

“Why the fuck DO you bother?” Her jaw set as her tone changed to ice. “You’ll never get it right with that fried fucking brain of yours.” 

He flipped off the light and lowered himself to the floor on his makeshift bed. He had the urge to see if she had replied to his message before remembering his broken phone, scoffing out loud. He found a decent position and closed his eyes, willing his jaw to relax. 

Her hand moved down his stomach to the waistband of his sweats, when he suddenly jolted and broke off the kiss. 

“What is it baby?” She crooned. He lightly grabbed her wrist, shaking his head, unable to find his words. She sighed, withdrawing her hand. 

“What happened?” 

He shook his head again, screwing his eyes shut to stop the tears that threatened to escape. When he didn’t answer for several moments, she turned away from him in the dark, laying on her pillow. “I wish you would just talk to me. It’s so frustrating. Goodnight, I guess.” 

He tossed his blanket off, the air suddenly too close. He laid flat on his back, his metal arm slung over his eyes. Just a little rest. That’s all he needed. 

______

The light stung his tired eyes, despite his sunglasses, as he made his way down the sidewalk. He gripped his coffee in one hand, the small plastic bag with his new phone in the other. He found himself anxious to turn it on, unsure if he could handle seeing what she said next. She had broken it off again last night, of course making sure to take a few more shots at him in the process. He was wrestling with whether to try to repair things or delete her number and forget the whole thing. Maybe dating was a lost cause. Maybe he didn’t want to heal a heart that was just going to break. 

As he turned the corner, distracted by his thoughts, he bumped into something and lost his grip on his coffee. 

Your eyes were wide with surprise as you looked up at him before you spluttered out an apology. 

“Oh my goodness. I am so sorry! And your coffee!!” It had tumbled to the ground, slowly running across the sidewalk in dark streaks. You immediately bent to retrieve the cup and lid, making note of the logo before depositing it in the nearby public trash can. “I’ll buy you a new one. What a klutz!”

It took him a moment to realize he hadn’t moved or responded at all and you were trying to gauge his reaction. 

“Oh, it’s fine. My fault, really,” he finally said flatly.

“No, really. It would make me feel so much better to replace it. You’d be doing me a favor. Are you busy now? Bullseye is just a bit that way, right?” 

It was cute how flustered you were. He couldn’t help but smile a bit at how fast you were talking. There was something so open and ... warm about you. 

“You want to go all the way to Bullseye?” He sounded more agitated than he meant to.

“Well, it wouldn’t really be a replacement if we went to Spotlight,” you said, sticking your tongue out in mock disgust. He laughed despite himself and your resulting smile nearly knocked the wind out of him. 

Maybe it wasn’t a lost cause after all.  

[snowyfrostshadows]

Wind Spoilers under the cut

Well.

That was certainly a book.

The prologue was kinda funny with Splashtail deciding to reject the nine lives from Starclan and using Curlfeather's choice to receive them as one of his reasons to kill her making him one of the stupidest villains in the series.

They can do as they always have and give a leader their nine lives regardless of that cat's actual morality or actually do something interesting for once and refuse to enable an antagonist.

He gets ahold of all this power but one good hit or sickness and he's dead. Alright. Great planning skills there bud.

But then I realized that Splashtail's decision frees Starclan from having to make that choice.

This way they can stay the wise (yet somewhat powerless) spirit cats the clans can turn to for guidance.

Speaking of Starclan giving out lives, I hate how everyone knows Nightpelt's story despite it never actually being public knowledge. Hell I don't think Fireheart found out and he figured out everyone's secrets.

But no. Since readers know every single trivia bit and history of the clans, the cats get to as well which is so....boring.

It takes out some of the awe and way histories can be changed and retold to fit certain narratives or having characters actually do some digging and discovering things out for themselves.

I know this is primarily a series for children but Erins I am begging you, give your target audience some credit. Kids are smarter than most people give them credit for and actually you know. Enjoy a good mystery here and there.

Another thing that was frustrating to read was having cats ask permission to move the plot along or sit around in a circle discussing stuff and judging each other for it. I. Can kinda see what the Erins are trying to do; make things more of a group decision and have older characters/past povs part of the story but man. In actuality, it just makes things drag on and characters flatter.

I miss the days when cats could sneak out and move the plot on their own and show off their own initiative. With Nightheart and Sunbeam waiting around for permission it just. Makes them feel...... incompetent? Like they literally can't do anything with being told to?? And this makes their chapters a slight pain to go through because nothing really important happens in them or they're just there to observe Frostpaw 's plot and comment on it I guess.

On another tangent, I. have no idea what they're doing with this arc's villains.

The first few books set them up as cunning and clever cats whose strengths are in being subtle but now... they're kinda all over the place.

Curlfeather was the mastermind but apparently just. Did this all on a whim because her mate died and picked a random apprentice to share her plans with but couldn't bother keeping up a pretense of even pretend respect around him and just. Spoke down to him. Okay

Berryheart wasn't happy over the new rule allowing cats to swap clans and was willing to start up a evil book club and set up a sort of rebellion of sorts but then....they just...don't really follow through with that? She gets exiled, curses out the clans, and then....joins a clan she hated to the point of accepting a co-leader ship position from an unstable teenager openly stating his plans to attack her former clan and she's just okay with it because I guess she's just.......an unreasonable woman...

Alright.

And then there's Splashtail.

On one hand, I'm a lil disappointed on how far off the deep end he's gone but absolutely fascinated at the decline in his mental state.

He got his power.

He exiled Frostpaw.

Managed to convince nearly every cat around the lake she's the insane liar and then.

He just. Loses it.

Makes his clan fight each other with claws out, doesn't bother to allow the camp to be cleaned, kills his own deputy and appoints a cat who by all logic, would maybe be the first to kill him given the opportunity as deputy and he's portrayed as the biggest threat to the clans.

Him. One, singular cat that the leaders of the other clans know only has one life.

That any one of them could kill proving to Riverclan that Splashtail wasn't approved by Starclan and was actually lying about Frostpaw.

But no. We get yet another book with everyone sitting around talking about what should be done and why they can't and basically holding Tigerheart back by his tail to keep him from cutting this arc's runtime in half.

The poor man sees the problem, has a solution, wants to end problems before they impact literally everyone in yet another clan wide war but gets called the Real Villain for most the arc by everyone.

Frostpaw and Tigerheart are the real MVPs of this arc in terms of story and literally keeping me invested in this thing.

[cloama]

MMATA covered the song from Freaky Friday on their new album. It's cute. The lead, Edith Victoria always has lots of personality but she needs some harmony help in these verses. Why we gotta wait for the chorus to get harmony? ETA: Iwas listening to this on headphones that were about to die. The quality was terrible. This song sounds great upon a second listen. I heard lots of background work. Sorry, babes.

The whole album is really fun and cute. It is full of breakup songs. Wasn't expecting that.

Love the bridge of Say it(to my face). She sounds like a punky lil angel there. It's also fun to see them get back at haters with an undeniable hit song.

The chorus of Kool is so chaotic. Why are you saying it like that?????? But the song with its very obvious Brainstew influence is just fun. They're wild for that one. Also Edith showing yall that she actually a mf vocalist. Bc that chorus be taking my lungs out. Yes, by the end I was singing it too. Very fun. Very silly.

Tea plays her ass off but I'm not hearing the shredding as much in this project. She's really restrained here but the parts shes writing a good. So solid. I kind of want her to compose for others. Similarly, Ava's feet aren't as heavy on the pedals this go round. It seems they've made a choice. It's fine. They get to do that. But choosing to leave that calling card off an album that's 50% breakup songs is a choice. Tea used to be fucking it up in the background. Just shredding her way through the verses which worked because there aren't a lot of bg vocals. Not singing backup as strongly, her playing made up for that. I miss it. I also miss Ava's heavy ass drumming. It's all really different on here. I need to find some interviews about this project. Need to know what went into these choices. I still really like what theyre doing. Young adult audiences should be in love with them.

After all that fun up top the albums takes TMI and Same Language into what I call the Frustration Break. A couple songs about mfs working on your nerves. They're cute songs but feel like a lull. It works because the choruses are so good and you feel relieved by the end of that chunk of songs. Also a-capella handclap breaks are my weakness.

A Few Tomorrows is the bittersweet midtempo song about how it's not goodbye, only a "see you later" which is placed in the right order because literally the rest of the album after this track is backloaded with breakup up songs.

Need Me(my favorite track of this album) is an upbeat breakup bop. Cute. MMATA has a gift for making songs you want to sing along to. Lyrics tho. The simplicity is good but I've seen the pen push harder.

This is where I noticed their hardcore influence is not present at all in this album. Poof. Gone. Aww.

It's Over for Me is another breakup song. Track sequencing is winning big. Love when songs are in correct order. This track is not as strong as Need Me. I would have left this one off the project.

Thx for Nothing is the last breakup bop in this chunk of songs. This girl is going through it. Very 5sos. I say this as a 34 year old who barely knows what a 5sos is. Oh and that main guitar part sounds like what i can only describe as family reunion music. Real ones know.

Rocket science is another optimistic bop taking us to the end of this album but the song is full of phrases from those Hang In There posters. It's cute. It's giving Disney Knees. Edith who usually enunciates to a fault just stops doing that. "Everything is possible" turns into "ennythahggihhhpohhhiiiubbboool" and I cant state enough that I loved that. The Gerard of it all.

King of Everything: lament about life being so unnecessarily hard and wanting a do-over. Hard relate. Don't love the melody as much as the others. Not a happy ending to the album but a resolution for sure. I think the last two songs should have been switched but they said what they said.

3.5 out of 5 stars to Meet Me @ the Altar for their sophomore long playing album. The sequencing of tracks is so strong. A lost art these days. The tracks work together to take your through a bunch of highs and lows then sticks the landing with that final track. The album is good at exactly what it set out to do. That's all I ask. Miss that hard playing tho. I'm sure the live shows will fill that gap.

[rainbowcrowley]

your internship post reminded me of something. i’m going to tell you a story

many years ago i got a job i had really wanted. the people were pleasant and accepted that i was a bit different from them, but they were much more ordinary than me. they might have been open to being educated on things, but they’d lived their whole lives oblivious to many disadvantages that had affected me. it wasn’t just that they hadn’t been subject to those disadvantages, they didn’t really know anyone who had. people like me were theoretical to them, and they’d never given us much thought

and slowly i realised that if i educated them, in their eyes i would be making myself more and more weird, and more and more a symbol of specific categories than a person. so in a way, the more they understood the things that matter to me, the less they would see me as an individual person.

they weren’t bad people, but i censored myself around them. often i didn’t say things because i wasn’t up for the effort of explaining myself. and the more i didn’t say things, the worse i felt, especially when i left the office and relaxed. it was fucking lonely.

i was even less open with my friends because i was emotionally tired after a long day with my colleagues. if i’d had someone (or someones) who got what i was going through and helped me talk about it i probably could have made it through if it was a fixed term. but i didn’t have someone like that, i wasn’t emotionally aware enough to realise that was what i needed, and it was a permanent job..

so i left and lied about why i was leaving because i didn’t want to hurt their feelings!

i’m not presuming your experience is super similar, just sharing in case there’s enough we have in common that it sheds a tiny bit of light. just the fact that you can see the danger sign even if you don’t know quite why you’re feeling it is an advantage. that type of self awareness is so valuable. i wish you happiness and success, whether that comes through finding a better way to make it through the internship, or finding another route to take in your life

i got this ask over a month ago and i always wanted to get back to it and answer it, but I couldn't find the right words. idk if the person who sent me this is even going to see it but.. I'm very sorry for not posting it sooner. the first time I read this it actually helped a lot. and I'll forever be thankful for that <3 i hope you're doing well too!

why am I posting/sharing this now? bc my internship is almost over and I have a lot of Feelings.

an update on the overall situation: it got better. i still feel somewhat out of place, but I accepted that. i think it's just the Queer Experience? like I have my lil bubble of queer friends, online and offline, but "the real world" is, in fact, not that. obviously DUH. idk whether I'm just being weird or naive or so out of touch with said "real world" that this fact hit me so hard. I always thought I knew it, but... yeah, experiencing it firsthand brought me down to earth HARD.

anyway.

my supervisor and colleagues are no bigots. they didn't say anything bad or hurtful, but it's clear that the same thing anon said happened here, too, in a way. thing is... I censored myself completely. i was (still am) so terrified of showing the "real me" that I HAVE to censor myself. and it's fine, really. let's say I'm used to it (looking at you, dear extended family) and I can live with that. it's frustrating and tiring sometimes, but it's fine.

so right now there are other parts of the internship that bother me. things that don't have to do with the social aspects of it. things like the long commute, the fact that I didn't learn any new cool things like I expected and it can get pretty boring sometimes when there's nothing to do (which happens in IT support... sometimes things just WORK and you're sitting in the office doing nothing twiddling your thumbs besides being on stand-by). and my teacher and social worker want me to extend the internship bc I'm good at what I'm doing but I just..... UGH. I just don't feel like it. and idk if it's bc of all that happened, or that anon said above, or all the things that bother me or if it's just my depression acting up (again) bc I've not been doing great over the past few weeks in that particular department for reasons that have nothing to do with work.

i don't know what to do or feel and it's annoying. I'm just so tired. (and I need therapy like, right now. meh.)

thanks for reading <3

[theorist-influencer-untitled]

11.3.23 Friday

1:11 pm

I still have windblow....I feel bitterish... Shit! Thinking of money and my fucking job....

This Borgy Stuff....This song??? Going down for nothing just like aging for nothing... I feel bullshit!

I want SEX Borgy...

1:23 am

I FEEL JEALOUS ON THINGS THAT I DON'T KNOW...

3:24 am

I have windblow... Argh... Crawling on your side... The leopard went out from the bathroom... Whew! Are you ready Borgy??? 3:24 in the moaning before 4 am...

1:34 pm

Fuck You DJ of Eagle FM...He said "stay where you are" you LOL! Those are INC's... It is like "IBID" you LOL!

Ibid means in the bible "stay where you are"... If I wanna go and have means to go somewhere like that fucking sand-dunes and some plastics in ilocos, will go there... Why,they will control me...

No LIFE for me here... I can't get my own group that dread-locks guy or Miles stabbed me and some... I feel bullshit here...

3:35 pm

I still have windblow....I'm thinking of money, my fucking job? Borgy is in my head these days, sounds weird! I was learning new songs these days if in case or just my hobby as my way to heal my inner pain or my way to express my madness on someone or madness on my present situation.

I'm learning this "wait a minute" by Willow coz probably I or I did leave my conscience on his front door. I need to get him, I need to get him...

I FEEL JEALOUS ON THINGS THAT I DON'T KNOW...

I feel panicky on money coz I need to buy stuff... Still, feeling ugly and fat and wrinkled....How or when can I remove my "deep smile lines"....A lot of things that I have to do supposed to be...

I feel bitter and angry on this flat and cheap situation that I have now... Not my ideal life here with Uncle Jun or DD, I can't even buy starbucks everyday... I can't buy some new stuff that I need and to expose myself even a lil...

4:49 pm

Done,watching " Till Murder Do Us Part"....It is really a "true LOVE" for each other... It is like Romeo & Juliet tandem with a twist of they killed people instead of them being killed. For the guy he wanted to show his true love for his gf, like the classic story according to him the "the tales of 2 cities" by Charles Dickenson. He wanted to be the hero of his beloved gf. It was something beautiful coz you can see the "true LOVE" in the flow of story but the negative they aged separately and wasn't able to live a normal LIFE.

Who am I? If I will kill someone.... Don't forget...

I'm Portia...

Portia the Sunflower in 4 corners of the universe...

4:59 pm

I just wanna show my "Cyndi Lauper" orange nail polish...

I wish Borgy can see this,but if I'm gonna be with Borgy I think he can treat me to a salon service or home service ( sometimes I'm a lazy angel ).

I need collagen on my hands, feet and on the hairless part of my arms and down there...

My hands are so great it was spoiled but it can cook.. I still wanna have SEX!

5:16 pm

My concealer is missing... Grrr....Hmm....Where, where.... I'm using if I have some breakouts and I'm on the process of healing it...

5:32 pm

I saw it on the pouch inside the room... These are expensive now, before it was just 100 pesoses now it is 400 pesoses!

The good thing about this it will not clog your pores... It is just a covering for awhile... I have white skin if I have breakouts it is really dark and obvious... I always need to have concealer in case of bad-skinned days...

My concealer either EB or Body Shop will look for my bodyshop...

6:09 pm

This is my bodyshop concealer... Position...

6:51 pm

Last night or early this morning what do we have? Did have??? Will have??? WHAT'S NEXT BORGY???

8:04 pm

Done,eating dinner... Still,having windblow... The position is still on my head, it was because of love expression... Aside from I wanna have SEX if I'm stress... It's been 16 years and I can't wait forever to have it... It is frustration... Like " TiLL MURDER Do US Part"...

This early moaning with you, I sleep beside you... I'm on your right side, your right arm spread on my side and my head over it. You are embracing me and putting your left leg on my body. It is so funny for me... Funny coz your big and heavy. I remove your left leg that you entangle on my entire body...Then, I SWITCH the POSITION, I put both of my legs on your side lying legs while you are embracing me.

You say, you always dry your hair after showering. I answer yeah! it is really my way ever since, I can't go out of the house having a wet hair. It should always be dry and well-fixed. Why? Don't you like it baby?

The baby is HIM coz he is so tall, I want to call him my BABY.

My BABY say no! I just ask coz even your friends and some family tell me that your hair is always dry and they actually never see you going out having wet hair.

I say oh! Then, I grab his big face and kiss him all over his face and he suddenly embrace me tightly. He is squeezing me...

My BABY is wearing his white brief, very classic and very sexy for me. Most of the time he is just on his white classic brief or his boxer shorts.

Some Flasback:

Me? Actually during the time that I was a virgin as in virgin ( not doing the act with a bf ) I wore PJ's or pajamas and I also had few boxers or sleeping gowns or sleeping dress. I was weird right??? Time that we had our good LIFE here, time that we had enough MONEY, we actually had 4 ac's... My room had an ac for 24/7...

Future Thought:

What am I gonna wear with HIM? Or what did I wear this early moaning...

8:41 pm

Hmm... Continuation of Our LOVE expression this early moaning with my BABY at 3:24 am before 4 am:

Hmm... Believe or not, I'm just on the downside of LIFE but I just LOVE him this much. I borrow his white big shirt... I'm still on my panty of course... No bra this time, I just put it on the chair inside his room.

Like what I write awhile ago... I grab his big face give him million kisses all over his face while he is embracing me or squeezing me tightly. Then, I keep on kissing him on a quick way alternately on his nose and lips. He suddenly laugh then that laugh become an out loud laugh. I'm starting to laugh as well...

9:11 pm

Continuation of Our LOVE expression this early moaning with my BABY at 3:24 am before 4 am:

I hold his face both sides,then starting kissing him again this time slowly like chewing a BLUEBERRY gum... I'm kissing him forever...

I say this is a love story of a mismatch... Will you never leave me for a long legs, BABY? ( Hopefully he will not and hopefully he will say ).

He say you know what, we will never reach this if I can't LOVE you more than you love me... I love you more my lil hot mamah.

While kissing his big face, I laugh and continuously kissing him. I say will kiss you this my BLUEBERRY gum until we grow old, until forever...

Then, he kiss me back gently then starting sliding his tongue inside my mouth. My heart suddenly beats fast and starting to put my tongue inside his mouth as well... It feeels like a heavenly hellish ignition with the one I love...