#i always feel SO embarassed tagging artists

[kidrat]

[id: scribbled drawings of andalites. They are underwater, among some simply drawn fish and reeds. At the top, is an andalite in a horizontal position. It's legs are tucked up, and it's arms hang by it's chest. At the bottom of the picture is an andalite in a similar position to the first. However it's legs are tucked closer to it's body, it's head is down, and it's arms are outstretched in front of it, squeezed around it's head. It appears streamlined, and closer to how mermaids are often depicted swimming. A third andalite swims in front of the other two. It is even more hastily drawn, and shows a variation of the second andalite's position, in which it's arms are held straight by it's sides. All the andalites' eyestalks are shown to drag behind them slightly, indicating forwards movement. end id]

Been thinking about how andalites swim. @c-rowlesdraws art among others has convinced me of wiggly andalites with more spine flexibility than the typical centaur. Most human swimming strokes either require you to out-turn your feet for a better kick (breaststroke), or to point your toes to slice through water easier (front and back crawl). Hooves can't do either of these things really, so I imagine andalite tails would do the 'kicking', so to speak. They're big, strong, and prehensile. Maybe the tail blades are even used for streamlining purposes, or even steering, who knows.

But yeah, I imagine andalites swim much like water monitor lizards, or like a human doing butterfly stroke. maybe otters are another good comparison. In my head their tails/bodies wiggle up and down to propel themselves, but side to side could work too. Possible they default to up and down, but switch to side to side if they're swimming forward while laying on their sides (ie. you and your andalite buddy are swimming together and chatting. They're herd animals!)

The uppermost andalite in the picture is what I imagine to be casual/instinctual swimming - their equivalent of doggy paddle. The others are variations on a more serious, effective form.

[breadslice2257]

I got some new procreate brushes so I tried to do a small practice to get used to them. It's been a while since I just drew some leaves, y'know?

[wisp-of-chaos]

OC Deep Dive tag🌊

Tagged by @melodicwriter thank you very much! I hope you don't mind but I have so many OC's, I let a friend decide on which to do this one for and their pick was Thjorn Herstekin who originated from a game and was recently re-purposed into a character for my asian arem AU and turned fron Norn to Hobgoblin lol

Anyway, let's start!

Phobias and other fears: I think it's not a real fear but he worries about others (especially strangers) to find out about his less than glorious past as a raider/bandit and all the horrible things he's done. He isn't too proud of his past and regrets it deeply but is on his way to make amends. (He's doing very well!)

Pet Peeves: People treating other people with disrespect and cruelty. And having his naps interrupted.

3 things you can always find in their bedroom: His two axes, his coat made of mountain lion fur and half-empty cups of tea. He always brews hismelf some before going to bed and never finishes them.

First thing they notice in a person: Their strance; if they're hostile or not (or pretent not to be). Also if someone is lying or honest. He has a thing for seeing the signs due to his past.

On a scale of 1-10, how high is their pain tolerance? Probbaly a 8 or 9. He got into fights often and had to kepe on going or die, so he knows how to bear and ignore pain until he and his friends are safe. Only really bad and serious things will have him down on his knees and wheezing.

Do they go into fight or flight mode when under pressure? He used to when younger but quickly learned to stay level headed and has only become calmer over the years. (A certain pair of drow twins still manages to trigger his FLIGHT response from time to time though)

Do they come from a big family/are they a family person? He doesn't remember his family but found himself a new one, which he loves dearly and will protect and keep safe at any cost. (Unless they act like total idiots and deserve some punishment/humbling. He will take care of them afterwards and offer comfort though)

What animal represents them best? Wolf.

What is a smell they dislike? He used to LOVE the metallic smell of blood but now dreads and loathes it. Also burnt vegetables and incense.

Have they broken any bones? Way too many to remember or count.

How would a stranger likely describe them? As a calm, friendly old uncle. He will offer tea and treats and either listen to you or tell you adventure stories and local myths. Will make sure you feel safe and comfortable and welcome.

Are they a night owl or morning bird? He used to be a bit of both in his youth; always stayed up late but was among the first to wake in the morning. Now, he likes naps and to sleep in.

What is a flavor they hate and a flavor they love? He isn't too fond of raw food (excluding vegetables and fruits/berries etc) and especially hates the hobgoblin custom of eating raw, bloody meat. He loves all things spicy though - and even more so when there's a subtle sweetness to it like some curries. An all time favourite of his is dried plum candy.

Do they have any hobbies? He is a skilled woodcarver and handpoking-tattoo artist.

Boom, surprise birthday party! How do they react to surprises? Surprised, lol. But other than that, he would be touched and may even tear up a little. He also would be a little worried if the twins were involved and on the lookout for some "traps".

Do they like to wear jewelry? A little, I guess. He wears subtle earrings but prefers to adorn his body with tattoos instead of jewelry.

Do they have messy handwriting? Yes. He learned how to read and write at a later age and is still very insecure and embarassed about his wonky lines and unsteady hand.

What are the two emotions they feel the most? Guilt and regret. But since he changed his ways and joined the Banyang settlement, he is feeling a lot of joy and happiness and relief.

Do they have a fabric? Animal fur. Short and rough but warm.

What kind of accent do they have? A little of a "commoner" accent maybe? Not as clear and sharp as the upper classes. He knows a lot of their fancy words though and enjoys throwing them off by using them against them.

That was actually quite some fun! I haven't thought on Thjordin that deep yet but those questions were nice to consider for him! Big thanks to @melodicwriter for tagging me and @unaarista for chosing the boy! <3

I am tagging ... well, @unaarista @sumi-sprite @corvitine @des-no9 @tea-and-magic @1hoblet @tunarath @deadhornedgod @deletarius1893 @lesbianbreastmilk and @baldursghaik and anyone who I forgot and wants to do this!

[transmickey]

wednesday wednesday tag game wednesdaaaaay 🌻 thank you @jrooc for this week's questions + to @deedala @metalheadmickey @mybrainismelted @such-a-barbarian @dynamic-power @mickeysgaymom for also tagging me 🥰 hi pals

🔤 Name: ajax

🎶 Last song you listened to: house song by searows :’)

🎵 Artist on Spotify giving you the feels right now: noah kahan as always (how many times a day do i check if there's resale tickets available for his show here in a couple weeks? an embarassing amount.) (i am seeing him next year though. very excited :D)

👯‍♂️ Fave Blorbo Moment: lately i have been thinking about the 11x11 kisses So much.. they are so...... *breaks down sobbing*

🍟 Your guilty pleasure snack: white chocolate chip cookies 🍪 not much guilt though

🌮 What food are you craving today: mac & cheese..........

📖 Last fanfic tab you opened: my whiskey smells of oranges, which i am finally reading for the first time 👀

🖌️ Favorite fic project you've created: fics….. oh you mean all the ones i never finished or posted? haha *stares at docs* um. i have a mickey-centric one i really want to start working on again but motivation is non-existent. also reading back i may have been projecting a little bit too much

👩🏼‍🎤 Next tattoo you want (or would consider if you're not a tattoo person): i REALLYYYY want a haunted house but i keep putting it off and i don't know why!!! (my favourite song ever is i know the end by phoebe bridgers iykyk)

🧐🆓 What's living in your head rent free this week: 'is it over now' from 1989 tv. also cards against humanity all i do all day is wait to play cah (cahcahcahcahcah) (hi cah friends)

tagging some lovely lovely people if you would like to join in! @lupeloto @deathclassic @stocious @heymrspatel @gallawitchxx @rereadanon @tanktopgallavich @skylerwinchester @golden28s @milkovichrules @krystallouwho 🫶

[beanswrites]

Something There ♡︎

a cute little drabble for Asra x Julian (or Asrian, lol) from The Arcana requested by the wonderful @bakerozza!! they are an amazing artist for the arcana fandom, so make sure to check their blog out!!

if you liked this drabble or just this ship, maybe you'll like my one-shot "Been Alone For Far Too Long"!!

pairing: Asra Alnazar x Julian Devorak (from The Arcana)

tags: fluff, catching feelings, realizing feelings

summary: Asra shamelessly teases Julian which results in him realizing his feelings for him

requests open!! | masterlist | rules for requesting

"How weird seeing you here, Doctor Devorak" Asra sarcastically hummed upon seeing his long-time friend nestled in his favorite chair in the Rowdy Raven.

"I can say the same about you, Asra" The doctor raised his face to look up at the magician, giving him a slight smirk.

"Are you waiting on Portia? Or maybe.. someone else?" The magician teased Julian about his almost non-existent romantic life, but as he said it, an unknown feeling of jealousy spread throughout his chest.

"No, just me tonight-"

"Great!" Asra didn't even ask whether he could slide in the chair next to him, but he knew Julian wouldn't mind. Yeah, sure, they snickered and bickered, but both of them silently agreed they loved each others company.

The ginger didn't move an inch, staring right into Asra's sea-deep violet eyes.

"Julian?" Upon noticing this, Asra practically purred his friend's name, never missing a good chance to tease.

"Hm?" The doctor simply hummed, way too tired and drunk to form words.

"Do I have something on my face for you to be staring like that? If I didn't know you, Devorak, I'd guess you were admiring me~" Every his word was meant to raise embarassed blush in Julian's cheeks. However, that surprisingly didn't happen. He only started chuckling sweetly, placing his hand on top of his mouth.

Asra liked that. It was cute, in a way. Oh god, did he just think that Julian was cute?!

"No, Alnazar, you certainly don't. You're just- Your eyes are just- Damn it, Asra, have your eyes always been that pretty?"

Even though it could've just been the ungodly amount of alcohol he drank talking (since Julian was never bold like this), Asra was practically floored.

No, this wasn't how their little teasing game would go - Asra was the one who teased, and then Julian would blush and deny it. No, this was never supposed to happen. It wasn't fair. Shit, it was so unfair! Julian wasn't supposed to be that smooth and kind, he wasn't supposed to look that cute with that slight tint in his pale cheeks and with his aburn locks furrowed!

These kinds of feeling- Were they here all along, and Asra was too blind to notice them? Or did they spring up just now?

Have Julian's eyes always been so pretty?

That's all, thank you for reading, and thanks again to bakerozza for inspiring this drabble! Follow for more! <3

[ohkate]

Weekly Tag Wednesday

Thank you for the tag, @energievie, @juliakayyyyy, @jrooc, and @such-a-barbarian for the tag love.

-----

name: I grew up in a time where you weren't supposed to give out your real name online, so Kate Jones became my alias based on the show 'Alias' and I've used it since.

zodiac sign: Libra

fuzzy socks or fuzzy blankets? blanket because I don't like socks. I don't like being too hot. I walk around barefoot almost all the time.

do you enjoy winter? I would enjoy it more if I didn't have to fear dying because I have to go to work. For my job, I don't understand why we can't stay home on snow days. I have a job where I can work entirely from home but, no, can't have that.

what’s your comfort book or movie? John Wick is a big one. I also love any mystery/suspense movies.

what’s your favorite way to wind down after a long day? I love marathoning tv shows. I like having a new episode waiting for me when I get home. I also love hellishly hot showers.

tell me something you like about yourself: I have no 'embarassing' gene, lol. I'm on the autism spectrum, and I'm super direct. It's not always a good thing, but I think it is for me because I don't let things fester. But there's no topic too taboo and there's nothing I won't talk about in public or with strangers.

I've learned to pick up on some queues from people so I try not to be rude, but I have no problem with people oversharing with me and vice-versa. Someone, somewhere decided we shouldn't talk about things out of some sense of decorum that some uptight dude in a suit probably came up with to control his wife, so I like that I'm not ashamed of things.

There's never an elephant in any room I'm in because I want to pet it, so I point it out right away! favorite artist? Flavio Zaark is my favorite sculpture artist. I couldn't choose a musician. I like movie scores. Hans Zimmer, Carter Burwell, Thomas Newman, Max Richter, M83, Zach Hemsey… I could go on for days. how do you practice self-care? A few years ago, I stopped arguing with stupid people. I just don't want to spend the energy on it. The earth is flat? Sure, fine. No problem. Good luck to ya. what’s a song that makes you feel joyful? The Nothing Song by Sigur Ros.

a book you want to read this year: I'm sticking with fanfic. I've read such a plethora of dramatic Ian/Mickey fics this year that I think I'd like to have some well-written, fun or funny fics that just make you smile at the end.

what advice would you give your younger self? Put every penny toward buying a house because, even though you may not ever want one, you will prefer it over what you are dealing with. You'll be stuck paying 2500 bucks a month for an apartment where you are living with crackheads and rapists and you get almost no sleep because of neverending music.

and finally, you’re given a plane ticket to anywhere in the world, no strings attached. where are you going? A food tour of all the Top Chef contestant/judge restaurants with someone who just wants to eat their way around the world and gain twenty pounds.

tagging @callivich, @tsuga-of-mars, @gillyp, @gallawitchxx

[debatenarutooocs]

Hi, this is one of Seelen's pal. 

She asked me to submit the allegedly "Naruto x Kushina" Hentai photo because she doesn't have time to provide evidence to refute it due to work. https://imgur.com/7MToDpc

The first picture is a commission Hentai of BraveKingShishio's character Makali and Kushina that Seelen created in 2018 for BraveKingShishio. I censored it of course. https://imgur.com/3PnHq3K

The second image is an edited version that a random person made of the commission and submitted to rule34. 

If you look closely, you can tell that the image has been modified in several different places.

1. Skin tone that is the same to that of the original OC.

2. The logo of Seelenkaetzchen The editor neglected to fill in the white gaps of the original white background of the image in her logo when creating the colorful background.

3. Hair from "Naruto" The shading in particular reveals that the hair's color was altered in several places. You just have to take a closer look.

I didn't predict anything more from Rin/Rin Defender than a last-ditch effort to grasp at anything to cast Seelen in a negative light. But anons statement was once more shown to be untrue. Keep in mind Rin or Rin defender that it was Rins fault and that she deserved to be criticized for what she did to Seelen and all of the other people including a big number of other Gaara x Oc creators, a few artists Rin commissioned, and Rins former closest friend Kora Bani / Koemi Chinoike. In fact Rin was the one to get things going by publishing untruths about Seelen and thenerdscorner publically in her stories and demonized descriptions in her subsequent image uploads. Having the nerve to tag their accounts even. Rin didn't want to and still refuse to apologize to Seelen for calling her out in the stories  she made up about her filled with lies and false accusations and I won't go into detail about anything else she did because it was made public. Additionally, Seelen is aware that Rin continues to misrepresent everything that occured to other people because they approached her to address it.

Now that Kora Bani expressed regret for her actions as an adult and made amends with Seelen, Rin obviously can't get over what happened because she's still bitter we all seen how Rin mistreated a lot of people including her buddy. 

Rin, you're the root of the issues you refuse to address. Leave Seelen alone and carry on with your miserable life.

Wow so someone stole Seelen's cm that she drew for braveking (kushina x male oc) and edited out to try to frame her as "incest" shipper? Yikes.

The truth will always come out! Now we all see the proof that it wasn't her who drew kushina x naruto incest art. Right now it must be embarassing for Rin defenders who litterally slandered Seeleen.

I dont get why Rin hates Seelen so badly, and to be obsessed to ruin Seelen's reputation.... it's not normal.Rin Mori needs to see a therapist to talk it out. She is so deluded to think she must drag and blame seelen who had nothing to do with original situation.

I honestly can't believe Rin won't acknowledge her mistakes and for wrongly accusing random people. It is unfortunately because in my opinion her behavior shows she feels no remorse nor guilt for hurting innocent people. It is concerning. She should learn from her friend korabani at least she took responsability of her actions and apologized to Seelen.

[dragodina]

10 Songs, 10 People

Thanks so much @except4bunnies for tagging me 😊! That was interesting, a bit emotional but so much fun 🙂.

Since I don't have Spotify I just shuffled my phones music libary.

This is possibly going to be real odd for me 😅 (me and my very strange taste in music 🙈)

But anyway, here we go:

1. "Midnight City" - M83

I don't know why but that song just really positively lightens my mood and makes me want to sing the lyrics loudly at the end and dance along ... against the beat (so I don't). There is even a drum cover from Coop3rdrumm3r on Youtube that I like just as much as the original because, suprise, it has some more additional drums.

2. "Poison" - Freya Ridings

My favourite song of Freyas first album, to me it has some Bond touch to it and her voice ist just soo wonderful. Then those touching lyrics. And listening to them now I feel in some way they are pretty fitting for Julia Grosz and Ela Erol (small wink to @except4bunnies 😉✌🏼).

3. "Cosmic Love" - Florence And The Machine

FATM definitely belongs to my top 3 favourite artists. Not only does she has a unique breathtaking voice but also her lyrics are so heartwrenchingly beautiful. Especially with "Cosmic Love" but also "Falling" in particular. Florence just writes songs and words like they are poems, each song being a chapter and leaves me in awe, in tears and in wonder. And I absolutely love how she includes ever so often a choir in her songs, that feeling of many voices singen her lyrics together with her voice is just so damn powerful (especially in her debut album). And sometimes I'm a sucker for just one line of lyrics that becomes very special to me.

I took the stars from my eyes and then I made a map

And knew that somehow I could find my way back

Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too

So I stayed in the darkness with you

4. "Evigheden" - Scala & Kolacny Brothers

Funny enough (and my music player did that all on its own) Scala is a girls choir from Belgium that became famous for their cover versions. And I absolutely freak-fu**Ing love them. For about ten years I made it a tradition to see them live at least once a year. Another of that top 3 artists of mine. "Evigheden" is just so gently beautiful. Every time I hear that song I close my eyes and at some point it just hits me right in the feels ... and in the heart. The end of the song always seems to destroy me. I can't remember ever not crying when that song comes on. To listen to it live is even harder but also more special. I remember that one time, after loosing a very close loved one, I went to their concert, they played that song. And I burst out in tears sobbing. But I felt it was some sort of a good crying, because I was so deep in memories and the music brought me there and carried me through. It was really embarassing but somehow I needed that in that moment. It will always have a special place in my heart.

(The atmosphere this creates is just so freaking crazy ... yes ladies at 2:45 and 5:42, I get you 😭)

5. "Take Me Home" - Jess Glynne

Another female artist with. I absolutely love her uptempo and dancy souly songs yet the lyrics for "Take Me Home" are so beautiful and Jess voice is just so full of soul.

Came to you with a broken faith

Gave me more than a hand to hold

Caught before I hit the ground

Tell me I′m safe, you've got me now

Could you take care

Of a broken soul?

6. "Happiness" - Jónsi & Alex Somers

No lyrics. Just sound. And that so beautiful that it always takes my breath away, brings me to tears, touches me on another level. Especially the live version of theor performance at the White Festival. Jónsi is part of Sigur Rós and Alex Somers back then was his partner. They together released that one album called "Riceboy Sleeps". One of my favourite albums of all times. There are so many feels, so much history that I can't put into few words. Just that its very special to me.

7. "Hero" - Chad Kroeger feat. Josey Scott

Song to the first "Spider-Man" movie with Tobey Macguire. I liked that one back then 😅. Honestly I haven't listened to that in ages but I sang along right away. Such a cool song after all those years. Even though I'm still chuckling by the beginning line "I'm so high, I can hear heaven". Yeah Spidey, what good stuff did you take?

Someone told me

Love would all save us

But, how can that be

Look what love gave us

A world full of killing

And blood spilling

Now that the world isn't ending

It's love that I'm sending to you

It isn't the love of a hero

(That historical up side down kiss scene 😍 I need something like this for Tinia ..... 😅🥰🙈)

8. "La Terre Vue Du Ciel" - Armand Armar

I'm a bit of a sportsfreak (maybe not so much for the WM right now but normally I really am). I didn't know the song before but in 2018 at the winter olympics Aljons Savchenko & Bruno Massot performance to it. I'm not so much into figure skating but that performance had me in awe, made me speechless. Because it was so damn perfect, just as the song. I really screamed at my screen when they took home gold.

9. "Tornado" - Jónsi

Okay, I probably don't have to state it, but I'm a huge . His first solo album Was just awesome! I love it still so much. And I did had the chance to see his live. I was so insecure back then myself, really shy and I'm an introvert. But I wanted to see him live so badly that me (coming from a small town in saxony) drove to the big city Berlin. I was shoved and mocked. But it was all okay and fine in the end because just to see him live and hear the songs made it all allright.

I wonder if I'm allowed ever to see

I wonder if I'm allowed to ever be free

(That intro and that drummer ...)

10. "Unser Stern" - Ron van Lankeren

Okay, now it get's really embarassing ...

One song from the soundtrack of the anime "Digimon". That was my youth. I loved that anime. And I can still sing along to all of those songs. ALL OF THEM. I probably should look up where I can watch that again, just for the feeling of good old times.

Unofficial additional number (because I made a stupid mistake and suddenly had two number 5s and continued on, wooopsi 🙈)

11. "Ny Batterí" - Sigur Rós

Yep. Thanks smartphone, I almost thought it would leave me without a Sigur Rós song. Sigur Rós. That one band that changed my life completely when I was a teenager. Jónsi with his falsetto voice, the bowed guitar and that way of using his voice as an instrument rather than singing lyrics (they called it hopelandic). At first I even thought it was a woman singing 😅. I don't even know if there is one song of them that I don't like. And yes, it's strange. It's so strange. But I just simply love their music. I can't even describe that feeling. Ever since I first heard that bowed guitar solo intro of the live version of "Ny Batterí" I was under their spell.

There is so much history, so much emotions, so much tragedy and joy and everything in between I connect with their music. The way that "Sæglópur" carried me through when I needed emergency surgery twice and was so fucking scared. My brother came into the hospital and left me with his MP3 player where he had put on all their albums for me to listen to.

Sometimes all you need is to hear, to feel, to listen. And to let go. No words needed. But make up your own story to the music.

Sigur Rós did that for me. And so much more.

Since probably all people that I know and follow around here already got tagged for this I will not tag again or evetypne will get this twice or thrice 😅.

Just have a wonderful 2. advent evening and a good start to the new week all you lovely peoples 😊!

[theorist-influencer-untitled]

7.20.24 Saturday

8:03 am

Still,have windblow...

I streamed last night in Tagged, happy that I got some diamonds and hearts... Not expecting anything but I'm happy...

I hope I can open again my 2 accounts in Tagged that are linking on my Facebook and Google coz I already gained diamonds there...

Just playing and dreaming on "Pinterest"...

I always wanna renovate my old room but I don't have fundings... Though, I wish to have a glass house but if not for now... I want happy and cute theme. I always wanna have a sofa in my room just like these,angels...

I wanna balcony if ever...

8:28 am

Still,have windblow...

Drinking my first cup of coffee... Still, I need to polish some things here before the "big sister and brother" will go home... I was just really thinking of my "talent fee"...

Still, I need to pay loans... I still have dreams on my own. I really wanna end-up with someone I want and someone who is willing to embrace me... Someone who is willing to accept... I know I need to work for my dying self-esteem and will never end-up or I will not settle-up with someone who wants to "go dutch".

8:53 am

Still,have windblow...

Is this the "Perfect Storm" that someone is saying???

10:25 am

Fixing the ceiling fan.... Miss DIY ( do it yourself ) for now.... I need bulbs here angels...

It so funny that there is a "switch" that you can choose if counter-clockwise or clockwise the spin of the fan...

I figure it out just now...

4:32 pm

Still,have windblow...

I still want to travel... I still need vanities... I need a personal growth. I still, wanna end up with someone I like, like my cousin-white and artist on youtube like Garret or Ash.

I just wanna have some good story aside from buying Starbucks everyday... I miss going back to gym...

Not my ideal life here in Cavite... I hate being flatten unfairly... I feel fat,ugly and old with no love life story... I feel bitterish...

5:28 pm

Still,have windblow...

Pop-culture is not bad angels... I still want my retinol angels or my wrinkle patch or my botox hahah

Seeing cute,clean and fresh pop-culture kitchen!

7:20 pm

Still,have windblow...

I feel so frustrated....I want a coffee station in the house... I grew-up here since I was 13 and lost myself, lost my friends....They just put me in the center of embarassment...

They just want me to be fat,ugly and old... I feel bad angels...17years they took it for so long...

I feel bitter! Bitterish!!!

8:53 pm

Still,have windblow...

It feels weird.... I suddenly feel boring and feel like suiciding... But of course, I don't wanna die without any progress....

Or I'm just sad for being alone for 17 years and I feel irritated on people who are unfairly caging me here in Cavite?

I feel bitterish and frustrated...

9:10 pm

I will take a video probably live somewhere if time will come that I will do a suicide... Hmm... I will use a gun coz I don't wanna struggle... I will just bang it on my head and after that it feels nothing... It is just a magical death...

But for now... I feel like suiciding but it will be unfair coz I don't have any progress...

I have windblow & soul interference perhaps???

9:21 pm

I feel frustrated, 17 years... Long flat short walk journey for nothing.

9:30 pm

Why...Why... Why....

9:42 pm

My next boo,bullshit.... I hate being caged by someone I don't know here... 17 years, too much, too long just for nothing...

I want my cousin-white, Garret and Ash.

It supposed to be you, cousin-white...

9:53 pm

We should be together...

[nidailylife]

8.13.2023. I feel like i keep venting too much on my main blog, forgetting i have this sideblog.

My main blog is supposed to be about fandom stuff. ...Unfortunately, a lot of my meltdowns and mental crisises are about famdom stuff. (I dont have too much else in my life. Too much social anxiety.) I must be scaring people on my fandom blog. No wonder even some of my favorite arists blocked me. 😥

Maybe i just need to get back to journaling offline. But it can be a hassel to boot up my computer. And once i turn it on, i often forget to turn it off. It's going to wear out too soon. Sometimes it's just easier to write on Tumblr. It's been so much more dependable than other apps I've tried in the past. Apps that lost everything when my phone died. Like all those notes i took of my symptoms when the pandemic first started. I wish i could still reference those. So many habit trackers that just got bugs and messed up my notes too. Tumblr is just more reliable. And it's not like I'm followed by non-bots anyway (except for maybe like 2 or 4 people). Maybe i should just have a private Tumblr for my journalling and venting. But i never remember the passwords for private sideblogs. And writing my hand is unsustainable for me. There's always too much i want to write and not enough stamina in my hands.

Anyway, i got really annoyed over a fictional character, almost for the entirity of yesterday. I dont want to delete my ranting posts, because those are important personal fandom records for me. But it's also pretty ridiculous, embarassing, and unnecessarily hostile. But you cant Archive tag search private posts. So i went back and hid all my ranting posts under cuts. I just hope leaving my rants posted publically doesn't make me the infamous crazy fangirl they talk about behind my back or on other platforms. ...But it's alwaysba possibikity because I AM a crazy fangirl.

I just feel so stuck as an artist, when all i want to draw and make merch for is my OTP...but Ive probably destroyed my reputation in the fandom. I can't be confident about opening an online shop or selling stickers or especially networking and advertising my art/merch, when i know the fandom i make art for, probably hates me, ON TOP of my illustration skills being objectively bad. But "small business artist" is my only career/financial option right now. And I'm destroying it by expressing my fandom.

The other day, someone poated a list of things to do to have a good reputation online, for small business artists, or maybe it was for people in general. One point was to not post opinions about anything (especially political). I'm a human being. Is that really possible to do?

I keep thinking about rebranding, separating my past fangirl self from my art business. But i hit a wall when i realized almost all my art is attached to my fandoms. Even if i changed my online name brand, it'd be too easy to anyone to find my art also on my art blog or fangirling blog, then realize i eas that crazy fangirl with a ruined reputation. How can i feel confident, sinking hundreds of dillars, making merch out of my fanart, and then advertising it to the corresponding fandom communities, when even a rebrand may not save me. I used to be so hopeful that a rebrand could free me from all my worries. But if you need to advertise your art, it's too easy to use that very art to track my old identity. I really feel trapped and stuck, and unable to move.

...But i guess that's usual with my frequently catastrophizing brain. I still dont know what to do tho. Im still too afraid to open that online shop or advertise my merch.

I think about rebranding to only my original art, cut ties with fandom when it comes to my small art business. But I've watched too many marketing vids to know that not piggybacking off a preexisting community, is the opposite of smart. ...but ive ruined my rep with them...i think...

Just feeling trapped. Paralyzed. Too afraid.

And journalling on Tumblr. Tho even that is stressing me out, in a way, too, i guess.

[neocrush]

— the girl groups enhypen’s gfs are in !

genre: fluff (angst on jungwon’s part) + established relationship (eventually lol)

pairings: idol!enhypen x fem!idol!reader

note: idk how to title this pls i thought of it while showering

tagging: @jeminiepabo @strwberrydinosaur

you just finished performing and your members were in need of water bottles

you just finished performing and your members were in need of water bottles

you just finished performing and your members were in need of water bottles

but fucking mnet didn’t provide any inside of your dressing room??

but fucking mnet didn’t provide any inside of your dressing room??

but fucking mnet didn’t provide any inside of your dressing room??

so yves told you to ask for some from the artist in the dressing room next to yours

you knocked on the door without looking at the sign that showed who was in there

you asked for some water bottles and heeseung went “i’ll go get it!” and ran off to go get get them

jungwon just chuckled and went “hyung’s a really huge fan of your group, he kept on singing star on the way here”

you nodded at the younger one, impressed at the fact that you were popular among idols

the tall boy came back with a whole box full of water bottles

“there’s 12 of you here right now so i figured why not get a whole box” he chuckled nervously

you giggled and smiled at the nervous boy

“thank you heeseung-ssi, i’ll take this to my members” you took the box in your hands but was taken aback on how heavy it was

“don’t worry i’ll carry it for you”

long after that you started hanging out and boom you became his gf

you couldn’t resist the charms of lee heeseung

once it was revealed that you were a couple, orbits and engenes went INSANE (in a good way ofc)

“wait so y/n DOESNT hate men????”

★ jay - aespa

OMG OMG LEMME TELL YOU ABOUT THIS BBY

you both met at school after you both debuted

everyone was gossiping around about how you were in the same class with the enhas

so like... monster rookies class

usually idols aren’t seated together but the teacher seated you and jay next to each other

causing a bunch of “oooohhhs” from your classmates

there were times were you and the enhas would leave school early due to practice or schedules

and on the way to the school gate, jay would always spark up a conversation with you

you assumed he was just very friendly

long story short he had a massive crush on you

so a few months into your friendship (which the both of you were very open about with your fans), he confesses

you were like “WAIT SO IT WASNT ONE SIDED THE WHOLE TIME”

y’all were just really blind lol pls read between the lines

anyways on to ur lovely bf !!

he’s so bold and brave around you but so shy around your members and seniors

we all know how he really respects nct (along with other sm artists) bc he covered the 7th sense with sunghoon on iland

so one day you were like “oh btw i showed taeyong sunbae you and hoon’s t7s cover”

he was like 😟 to 😧 to 😯

got all shy and was like “oh what did he say..”

you don’t know why he was acting as if he didn’t body that whole performance ????

anyway you told him that taeyong said that he and hoon did really well and that he liked how jay did his part

hid his face on the crook of your neck

“baby we should come say hi to them next time you go to sm”

“NO i will make a fool out of myself”

speaks english and japanese with giselle a lot when he isn’t occupied with you

sometimes you’d even have to ask nct’s shotaro to translate

your seniors (especially exo’s kai) adore him so so much pls protect the boy at all costs

★ jake - everglow

he was an active viewer of produce 48 and (like me) was really attached to the yuehua trainees

especially you

so when you got eliminated just before the last episode, he was devastated to say the least

he awaited your debut and when the time came he supported everglow !!!!

LOVED BON BON CHOCOLAT SO MUCH

does the killing part choreo in his room when no one’s watching lol

dies everytime you do the little “everglow” in songs

right so when he debuted in enha, he looked forward to meeting you as an idol and not a fan

when you shared a dressing room at kcontact, he couldn’t help but introduce himself to you

he mentioned he was a big fan and your heart warmed

cute boy is a fan of you? omg heart go brr brr

your members tease you and you just shake it off

that day when you got back to the dorms, you watched a bunch of enhypen videos bc you were interested in jake

you weren’t aware of how popular you were among people - let alone idols so you were surprised

you fell in love with his personality and started saying hi to him whenever you meet backstage at music shows

not long after, you develop feelings for him

you thought it was just a puppy crush but as you saw him even more, it got serious

you never actually confessed but aisha accidentally spilled the beans when he was passing by

“cmon y/n just tell him you like him because he clearly feels the same !!”

“you like me?”

“AISHA”

“that’s my queue to leave”

so she leaves you two to pour your hearts out to each other

you two become a couple and forevergenes (such a cute name omg) LOVE you two

you’re both the puppies of your group so that makes your relationship 103892x cuter

you met his parents and they adore you and even asked for your autograph

“jake used to talk about how great you are after every produce 48 episode”

“okayyyy i think that’s enough embarassing me mom”

his parents love you like their own daughter but does layla love you?

you were so nervous to meet her and was actually scared she might not like you - knowing how important layla is to jake

at first layla ignored you and jake was like “she’ll come around”

you were convinced she just doesn’t like you, until this one time you were cuddling with jake on the couch and layla comes in

you expected her to snuggle up with jake but she came to you :D

now layla is super fond of you and mrs sim would even send you pictures and videos of layla getting excited whenever you were on tv 🥺

★ sunghoon - itzy

you and the girls were at isac

the six of you were just waving at your fans and making heart signs with your hearts

on your left you saw yeji making hearts with ryujin so you wanted to do that with another member too

you felt a presence next to you and assumed it was someone from your group

spoiler alert: it wasn’t

sunghoon and sunoo were waving at engenes who just happened to be seated next to midzys

so you turned to who you thought was an itzy member, making half a heart with your hand

until you realized it wasn’t 💀

you bowed and apologized when you both looked at each other, you were scared you crossed a boundary

you bowed and apologized to the engenes who were there too

sunghoon and sunoo reassured you it was all good

after that, sunghoon couldn’t help but keep his eyes on you the entire event

when the day was coming to an end, he pulled some strings and ended up having some alone time with you ...in stray kids’ dressing room

don’t ask

ofc skz already left so it was just you two there

fast forward, you both hit it off and he became your bf <3

midzys and engenes love you both sm and love bragging about you two to other fandoms

you two were even named the king and queen of 4th gen kpop

oh also

you already know where this is going

“SUNGHOON HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW NOT SHY’S PROPER TITLE IT’S YOUR GIRLFRIEND’S SONG” - jay

brags about how he can do the shoulder dance in wannabe

ofc it’s bc you personally taught him

sends you pics of jyp as reaction pics

so you send pics of bang pdnim to him

every once in a while he reminds you of that video of jay why pee trying to hit a high note

“lmao that’s your boss”

PLS you always get super embarrassed so ofc you bring up that vid of hitman bang

“rAp dAncE-“

★ sunoo - stayc

you were his seatmate at school predebut

you came from the same town, same school, same neighborhood, etc

the two of you were extremely close and both shared the same dream

when highup entertainment accepted you, the both of you were over the moon

he was so happy for you

but sad too bc that meant you had to move to seoul :(

you promised him to do your best and that you hoped to see him again but as an idol

and hopefully when he’s an idol too

well what you hoped for came true !!

although you couldn’t see him much as a trainee - which made you quite sad - you got to follow his journey on i-land

you even asked your fellow trainees to vote for him

anyways now that you both debuted, you became close again and became really open with your fans on how close you were

you recommended his songs to swiths and he did the same to engenes

he even memorized the choreo to so bad and asap and lemme tell you this

he BEGGED you to teach him those choreos

“sunoo you can watch the practice on youtube”

“but i want to learn it from you”

he never really realized his feelings until he saw you getting shipped with his other members

you were both on weekly idol and the hosts really seemed to like how you and jake looked next to each other and they just teased you both the whole episode

that made sunoo feel uneasy and he thought it was only bc he was an overprotective best friend

turns out he had feelings for you (wow shocker)

so one day he asks you to come to hybe

after slightly getting lost, you meet up with him in a practice room

he confesses bc he felt like not telling you about his feelings would put a wall between you two

you appreciate his honesty and tell him you’ve felt the same way every since you were classmates

he scolds himself for not seeing it all those years but you just laugh it off bc you were pretty good at hiding your crush

you both agree to secretly date, until you both announce it on your five month anniversary

fans were really shocked at first... but they support you !!!!

engenes will not hesitate to come at anyone who talks bad about you and swiths feels the same way about jungwon

he gushes about you every single time you’re brought up

and you can’t help but love your adorable boyfriend

★ jungwon - iz*one

okay so

he was just an average high schooler when you were introduced on produce 48

his deskmate was watching your audition video and it was the part where you were doing this freestyle

he was SO amazed and he secretly followed your journey on produce 48

always made sure to vote on time and watch the episodes live

once the debut evaluation came around, he asked everyone he knew to vote for you and even bought tickets to see the show live

almost cried when he saw that you were center

ACTUALLY CRIED when you got into the top 13 😭

fast forward to him debuting in enha

he wasn’t able to catch up on you since he was busy with trainee life, then i-land, then debut preparations

but somehow in the middle of promotions he ran into you and BOOM love at first sight

fast forward to you finally dating, he couldn’t believe he was dating the y/n of iz*one

wizones make those “ladies and gentlemen, y/n’s man” edits and engenes make those “ladies and gentlemen, jungwon’s woman” edits

both fandoms love you two so dearly that the only hate you two got were from the delusional ones (who clearly aren’t actual fans)

when your last concert came around, he couldn’t bare seeing you cry when you said “this has been iz*one’s y/n, thank you everyone!”

he got flashbacks from when you cried during the final episode of produce 48 and he’s just.. sobbing bc he couldn’t be there to hold you

so the next day he rushed to your dorms with snacks and emotional support bc you were emotionally exhausted from accepting the fact that your journey with iz*one is finally ending

you felt extremely lucky to be in his arms and he felt extremely lucky too that he’s able to make you feel a little better

★ riki - weeekly

you were both on weekly weeekly idol together

and both you and riki being main dancers, you were asked to do random dance together

a few popular songs played and the both of you did the choreos

until after school started playing and the boy did the chorus’ choreo and you were like “woah???”

bc he was so INTO ITTTT

the song was basically made for him to cover it

and the mcs saw your reaction so they asked him to do it once again but this time with the whole group

after filming, he came up to you and was like “i’m a huge fan of yours” and you’re just like ):&/£]>\**_£]

“woah really???? i rooted for you on i-land”

and his face just lights up bc his huge crush on you developed even more

you became besties since then but he didn’t ask you out until your birthday

he took you out to a puppy café, knowing you were obsessed with dogs

you’d ask him to show you pictures and videos of bisco

“i better meet bisco once we go to japan together”

melted at the thought of traveling to his hometown with you

anyways

once you left the café, he kissed you in front of your dorms

and somehow he became your boyfriend <3

riki as a bf isn’t really a very public person

he’s the “this is our relationship, not the public’s” type of person

he doesn’t wanna risk companies wanting to exploit your relationship

although he doesn’t talk about you two much, he loves to brag about you when given the chance

whenever variety show hosts would fawn over you he’d just look them in the eyes dead and go “she’s mine”

[ladycibia]

The "shut up cibia" tag is the most depressing tag I've ever seen. The fact that you exist and have things to say - things to share - should be celebrated. Speak all you want, smile, laugh and be yourself. I am thankful that you are here, and you should be too. Take care, sweet person!

You know what? You're right. You're absolutely right.

(a bit of a rant here)

I always joke around it because that's...basically what I usually do, being passive-aggressive with myself, and I'm afraid I ended up internalizing the issue? It's not easy for me to talk (especially irl) for three main reasons:

I am one of those (very) shy people who often get reprimanded because they're "so quiet, you should talk more!" and who then religiously get interrupted, ignored and talked over and this unfortunately leaves a mark, after a while. Point two: I am perfectly aware of the fact that I have a bad habit of hyperfixating on things and I've already been told so many (maybe too many) times how annoying that is. To the point that I've ruined said thing(s) to one person because I just couldn't shut up about it. I'm working on it, trying to control myself and encouranging people to kindly stop me if I'm going too far (as for my drawings--- that's a lost cause, as my 500+ witcher doodles can tell. Oh well). And lastly, I am paranoiac and I'm always afraid of saying the wrong thing, hurt someone's feelings or just embarassing myself. For example, last week I attended a convention to help my boyfriend in the Artist Alley and I had the chance to talk to some voice actors I follow and I admire (they were super nice); it was great until I woke up in the middle of the night, terrified of having said or done something wrong. Which was complete nonsense!

So...yeah, connect all these dots and you can hear my brain whispering "shut up cibia" every time I open my mouth (and I do that when I start typing, too). But again, you're right. If I want to get over this, I should at least be able to change a meaningless tag, shouldn't I? And I really like @onceuponaleviathime's suggestion, "Cibia Chats" has a cute sound (you pronounce the "c" in Cibia as the one in "chibi", so it's like "chibia chats"), thank you! And thank you, for your kind message. I'm very grateful; and sorry about the rant! I guess I needed to let it out somehow, ahah...! *bows* thank you. 💜💜💜 Take care, you sweet person!

[theblacknessdyer]

I got tagged by @weimarweekly a few days ago:

Post your favorite album by 8 artists you like and your favorite song from the album…

Favorite album is always a tough ask, so I’ll go with the ones I’ve been feeling at the moment ig.

Depeche Mode - Violator -> Policy of Truth. Strong second is Masses -> Strangelove.

Nine Inch Nails - Bad Witch -> Shit Mirror. Thanks, TR, for making this one so incredibly embarassing to say with out loud my human mouth.

Mew - And the Glass Handed Kites -> An Envoy to the Open Fields.

The Twilight Singers - Blackberry Belle -> Esta Noche. The #1 soundtrack for speeding down Lake Shore at night.

Apparatjik - Square Peg in a Round Hole -> cervux seQuential.

The Smashing Pumpkins - Adore -> Daphne Descends. Yes, it’s just the more electronic version of In The Arms of Sleep, but who cares.

The Cure - Pornography -> The Figurehead.

Grimes - Art Angels -> Realiti. Look, it’s not like Billy Corgan is any better (and arguably has a worse effect on the world around him). Art Angels just never gets old for me.

Tagging @emulatorhands @louiselouisa @lungtile @subtextread @frengers & @lastarpeggios !

[eppysboys]

Music Ask (Fiendish) Thing

Thank you to monkberries for tagging me! 😊

Who was your first favourite artist? The Beatles :-)

Who are your current favourite artists? The Beatles, Leonard Cohen, Elton John, The Doors, George Michael, Cass Elliot, Niall Horan

Are you into musicals? Which ones?/Why not? I’ve been meaning to dive into that world!! I really have only developed a deep love and appreciation for Falsettos, but beyond that I’m a little clueless about musicals. It’s on the bucket list!

Are there songs you consider so special you only listen to them very rarely? Here Today by Paul McCartney

What's your preferred way of listening to music? (time of day, medium, situation) Either playing in the car on a long drive or with earbuds on at night before I go to sleep.

What would you say is the most niche music you listen to? Eek! I’m definitely very basic. Maybe the little pocket of classical music and jazz I like, but otherwise I’m a normie.

What's your favourite music related movie/TV show that's not a musical? Whiplash and Footloose

Albums or playlists? Albums, usually, but every now and then I go through a playlist phase.

Favourite albums? Revolver - The Beatles, Walls and Bridges - John Lennon, RAM - Paul and Linda McCartney, Older - George Michael, Ingénue - K.D Lang, Flicker - Niall Horan, 

Is there an artist you're trying to get into? No, I don’t ever try anything, it just happens.

Whose music do you find overhyped? Henry Steeles

What's an underrated song? Freeek! by George Michael!! 

What's a thing a bunch of songs do that you love every time? Gay subtext in a ballad

What song is better acoustic? I’m Stepping Out by John Lennon

What's the worst song of all time? I wouldn’t know.

Do you put individual songs on repeat? If so, for how long and how often? Oh god, yes, yes I do. Very long and very often.

Do you make your own playlists? If so, what's your most entertaining playlist title? Sometimes. ‘Codependent Bugs’ 

Headphones or earbuds? Earbuds, I hate the feeling of headphones.

Do you always sing the lead vocal or do you harmonize sometimes? If you harmonize, do you ever invent your own harmony? I'm embarassed just listening to myself talk, I’m certainly not singing!!

A music confession? David Bowie isn’t that impressive to me 😋

I tag You! Yes, You!!!

[mymp3]

I love how you talk about dream srsly

so nice to see ppl from different corners of dsmpblr liking him :]

thank you so much anon i am smiling very wide rn :)))) he just means a lot to me and ive got a lot of feelings when it comes to dream so im glad you like how i talk abt him

(this gets a little ranty, just in terms of what dream stuff means to me so im gonna put a read more here)

I think its a little funny that i actually don’t end up talking about him as often as i do, but i think its just because my main focus is character lore and dsmp stuff. But if it wasn’t for that i’d absolutely be endlessly talking about and drawing dream team.

I found dream’s channel at the beginning of January 2020. All i would do would be watch new dream videos, and draw dream and george art during lunch of my senior year. I was a little embarassed at first and mostly kept it to myself. But i ended up posting the art i did on this tumblr, its some of the first dream and george art to my knowledge. I remember around that time there were around 3 or 4 dream artists, and nobody quite knew how to tag either so it was wacky. Before i left for a bit i remember the beginning of some big things that i wont name here but admittedly looking back on it is very funny.

When quarantine hit, i ended up finding and playing dangan, and that became my main thing for a couple of months. But i would always keep myself up to date on the dream videos, they still cheered me up and meant the world to me. During this time i figured out i had adhd, and it make a lot of things click. I still had lots of figuring out to do in that aspect, but for the time, it was alright.

I found dream smp when i started falling out of my dangan hyperfix, and while all of this was happening i found myself binging all of dreams content again, trying to catch up on anything i missed. When i was on my little content binge i learned dream also had adhd, along with technoblade. I can remember how happy it made me, especially with me figuring out the adhd symptoms i had no idea about. It made me so happy to see dream, someone who was outspoken in his adhd experience, succeed the way he was, and having fun with his friends. I began to realize that “oh i do that too!” and see little bits of my own adhd experience in the way he does things. It helped a lot, and i’ll always remember that.

around christmas i got a dream hoodie and 13 mil coin, i put the little sticker that came with it on my cintiq. Idk i just every time i think about dream he makes me smile and i’ll always admire him in certain aspects. He just is such a , i dont know how to describe it , sunshine person to get to watch.

This accidently got a bit ranty and personal but sometimes i just get this way where i just have lots of emotions i need to get out and i dont know how to do it. Aaa anyways, thank you again for the ask anon. I know you didnt ask for an essay but i just wanted to share how much appreciation i’ve got for the guy

[arretoskore]

tagged by @simuran (thankyouuu <3)

1. Why did you choose your URL? well I was obsessed with persephone when I chose it and I was in that period of my life where I was constantly arguing with my mother but i knew she meant well so I found myself a lot in Persephone and her mother having to deal with something someone more powerful than either of them (Zeus) had put them through. But honestly I want to change it. i already have the alternative ready I’m just... idk being weird about it

2. Any side blogs? nada 

3. How long have you been on Tumblr? if you ask me again I’m gonna compliment your shoelashes 

4. Do you have a queue tag? nah i’ve never seen the point

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place? i honestly don’t remember. I think my friend was using tumblr and I was just beginning to lear about fandom and was looking for more fanart. I definetly got that but I also definetly couldn’t scroll tumblr in a public place lol

6. Why did you choose you icon/pfp? i’m in love with Miyazaki’s movies and Spirited Away has always been my favourite, in particular the train scene has always given me so many feels for some reason

7. Why did you choose your header? just wanted to have some of my drawings on my blog eheh

8. What's your post with the most notes? the shitposting about covid in Italy. I had totally forgot about that one lol

9. How many mutuals do you have? how.... how do you count mutuals??? help??

10. How many followers do you have? 212

11. How many people do you follow? ahahahaha not gonna answer this one, it’s definetly embarassing. im my defense I think most of them have not been posting for years

12. Have you ever made a shit post? mmmh i dont think so. not on tumblr at least

13. How often do you use tumblr? too often, lol

14. Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog? nope, i just got a very angry anon once that for some reason decided he wanted to defend the statue of a child rapist that’s in my city and i proposed should have had been sent for a swim in the nearby canal

15. How do you feel about "you need to reblog" posts? i find them incredibly annoying

16. Do you like tag games? yes yes yes! i just often forget that I have been tagged :’)

17. Do you like ask games? yes i do! i just hate that i can’t answer in a concise way 

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? mmmmhhh... i’d say @crushcandles and @misterstalker who i have no idea why they follow me since they are respectively such amazing writer and artist!! also there are quite a few mutuals I have I’m pretty sure have a large folowing but cannot confirm

tagging @crushcandles @misterstalker @syanara @dorianthespider and idk whoever wants to! i’m always useless in remembering urls