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oliviamillss · 4 years ago

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reading dreams chart

im only going to use up to orb 3, for stronger accuracy lmao

**if you can’t be bothered to read it all, theres a summary paragraph at the bottom**

sun:

sun in 7th: strong emphasis on relationships. tends to copy others lingo/habits. extroverted. probably ‘needs’ others. only really shows his true self around his close friends/family/partners.

sun at 19 degrees: a libra degree. (emphasis on this bc libra rules 7h), makes him a very charming, likeable, particularly popular guy.

sun opposite ascendant: inner conflict, probably doesn��t feel like people see him for his true self, may struggle showing true self. may feel misunderstood. may need approval/validation a lot.

sun square mars: hints to daddy issues. may struggle with a lot of built up anger and frustration, but it seems like he takes it out very positively, as you can see he is competitive, so i think he lets it out through gaming. probably very energetic, motivated.

sun square saturn: high expectations for himself. probably the type of person to think ‘i’m only good enough if i do this’. probably very hard on himself. also probably very insecure of himself, but doesn’t show it. another sun square masculine planet, more hinting to daddy issues.

moon:

moon in 7th: probably relies on close friends/family/partners a lot. loves to help people, esp people he’s close with (kinda mr beast vibes). probably very like ‘oh shit, he’s sad, i need to do everything within my power to cheer him up’ if that makes sense lmao

moon in virgo: looking after people!!! esp with the sun square saturn,, high expectations. probably a very much perfectionist, which also explains why he is competitive. may ‘always need to be right’. but virgo moons are actually so lovely omfg

moon at 9 degrees: sagittarius degree, likes to help people by optimism, and giving things to the person that they would want (im aware that sounds obvious lmao). probably feels a sense of achievement when cheers them up.

moon square pluto: probably hard time dealing with and growing from negative things that have happened, possibly struggles with letting things go. possibly self destructive (why did that one heatwaves part come to mind), possible trust issues + anxiety, probably very particular about who he lets close into his life, maybe quite protective.

mercury:

mercury in 6th: likes to help people, probably not disappointed if he spends his time working with someone, may struggle with anxiety/depression. a quick learner, probably overthink every word because it wast the ‘perfect’ thing to say.

mercury in leo: funny asf, and out there, also thinks his ideas/things to respond and say are the best, with the 6h and 7h placements, he is open to listen to others, but in the end he only really wants his one lmfao, good with conversation.

mercury at 1 degree: aries degree, another fire placement which emphasises the loud, out there kinda vibes.

mercury trine mc: career and reputation are strongly linked with what he says. (this is obv bc hes famous lmao). he’s smart, particularly with technology and its linked to his career. *im aware this sounds like im just describing him, this is exact so thats why its overly accurate*

mercury opposite neptune: daydreamer, probably has a lot of thoughts and ideas in his head, but they just dont come across right. probably zones out, may struggle with focusing. but very creative, has big and creative ideas. i havent mentioned it before but its come up too many times now, but he has a lot of placements, when manifested badly, creates a good manipulator

mercury square jupiter: optimistic, possibly thinks his ideas are the best (we’ve covered that before), can be really overly talkative or just nothing at all. (i rlly dont know much about this placement)

venus:

venus in 7th: he will have a beautiful relationship with his future partner. charming asfff, probably a good flirt. tends to love love. needs to be liked, sort of a pleaser.

venus in virgo: the type of person to remember everything about the people he cares about. loves to help the people he cares about. probably sees the people he truly loves as ‘perfect’, which may end up being really bad if they’re toxic.

venus in retrograde: struggles feeling loved, possibly feels like he doesn’t deserve love. probably the type to be like ‘how could you ever love me?’

venus square mc: attract people who take care of him. either has self-esteem issues, or is quite a dependant person. creative. may struggle finding people who support his career, or may have to change a few things about himself to be liked by others.

venus trine jupiter: very likeable, and he’s veryyy lucky. he’s funny, and a generous person, probably very giving to his close friends and family. charismatic asfff, likely he will marry someone foreign.

mars:

mars in 9th: more things hinting to attract(ing/ed to) foreigners. loves experiencing things with people he cares about. likes to learn more and more, possibly stubborn, makes sure his opinions are known.

mars in scorpio: that boy needs privacy in his life, doesn’t like being predictable. probably an overthinker. we’ve already known this but he’s definitely a top. probably could get anyone he wants, seductive asfff. also pretty spiteful.

mars at 17 degrees: leo degree, fame bitchesss

mars square ascendant: hates to lose, competitive. people may be intimidated by him at first, can’t really hide anger, pretty stubborn.

mars opposite saturn: really hard on himself. wants to be the best of the best, leader. stands up for himself. another placement hinting to daddy issues. harsh about his work, and himself in general, perfectionist.

mars square uranus: anger may change a lot, a lot of energy, probably struggles to focus, doesn’t like to be the one who is being controlled/has restrictions. probably struggles with authority. outbursts of anger.

jupiter

jupiter in 3rd house: loves writing, and is actually pretty good at it. knows how to talk to people, how to persuade them, and how to manipulate them. good liar, knows how to sell his wants across, how to get what he wants.

jupiter at 4 degrees: cancer degree, cancer rules his 6h. he uses his luck/money to help others.

jupiter square neptune: big dreams, desire to escape the world as it is.

saturn:

saturn in 3rd: afraid of/ is often misunderstood. struggles to open up?, maybe he wasn’t listened to much growing up. hard on himself academically, feels like he isn’t smart enough. hard time expressing himself. maybe feels like noone really cares for what he has to say?

saturn at 16 degrees: cancer degree. idk what else to say abt it lmaoo

saturn square ascendant: quite serious, maybe struggle with the way he looks? possibly quite overwhelmed about his life,, feels like he has too much to do at times. fear of rejectionnn

saturn square uranus: maybe he doesn’t like change, tradition v change clashing. authority troubles. probably needs freedom, but feels unstable without what he’s used to. rebelling against norms.

uranus:

uranus in 12th: probably very curious about unexplainable things, maybe quite into conspiracy theories. two complete ends of the spectrum: fear change/need it, unpredictable things happen/ everythings the same.

uranus at 14 degrees: taurus. taurus ruling 2nd, i guess it shows change in dream’s wealth.

uranus opposite north node (and conj south node): with exceptions, doesn’t like conflict. he is fine with joke conflict, but the second there’s an actual argument he tries to be the ‘peacemaker’ guy. technology is major in his life. also quite nervous about his career/future.

neptune:

neptune in 12th: awful sleep schedule. overworking himself, never relaxing. vivid dreams. once again, this has come up loads and i just haven’t mentioned it: intuitive asf, george is the same. whether either are aware of it or not, they are super intuitive.

neptune at 2 degrees: taurus degree.

neptune sextile mc: creative, also likes helping others, empathy to the public. has big dreams career wise.

pluto:

pluto in 10th: determined person, gets a lot of hate, but also a lot of love. trust issues, persuasion/manipulative abilities. leader leader leader. another hint to daddy issues, maybe privacy invading, maybe overprotective. don’t want to be controlled.

north node:

north node in 6th: overwork himself. but i think we can interpret this as his life goal to be working to help people. literally mr beast. just work hard, and give a lot away. humble.

chiron:

chiron in 9th: possible restriction from either his or his communities beliefs/religions. maybe he’s afraid of leaving where he is right now (sapnap moving to orlando, whenever its brought up its always george coming to orlando)

lilith:

lilith in sagittarius: need for truth. dislikes restrictions. hides emotions, uses humour to avoid them/ make people think they’re okay when they’re not. stubborn asf.

lilith in 10th: tend to be sexualised/ reputations for being sexual. another placement hinting to daddy issues. really wants to be at the top, the most powerful. likes using his dominance/ power to seduce. motivateddd.

lilith conjunct pluto (exact omfg): typical ‘mystery’ guy. probably the mystery/scorpio vibes he pulls off attracts/ seduces people. the most dominant partner ever. sex is probably so intense and overwhelming

moon square lilith: possible mummy issues. his need for sex can change quick asf, from one end of the scale to another. struggles to open up.

i ought to mention!!

there’s a theory that the degree of your venus sign is the birthday of someone who is v important in your life. what’s dreams you may ask? 1. and when are george and sapnap’s birthdays? the 1st. they’re soulmates, your honour.

summary!!!

basically, dream has so much care and love for his friends and family, and probably relies on them a lot. he only shows his true self around them, and he (at least thinks) people don’t really understand him in the way his friends and family do. he is a social person, who’s very likeable and charming. he lovesss helping people, doing everything in his power to cheer others up, he remembers details about the people he loves. he is such a perfectionist, needing to succeed and win and everything, and is very competitive. he probably doesn’t think he’s ‘worthy’ if he’s bad at something. he sets very high expectations for himself. he is very hard on himself. if he wants to, he knows how to manipulate people. he has so so many placements for an amazing manipulator. he may struggle to express himself or open up, and may be hard on himself academically. maybe he doesn’t feel ‘listened to’. a lot of emotions like anger and sex drive may change rapidly for him. he over works himself a lot. a major theme in his life is tradition vs change. he is probably afraid of change, or finds it uncomfortable, or he may have some sort of attachment to traditional values/things, no matter how much he wants to change. he is also a peacemaker. he was born to be loved or hated, kinda like marmite but if the balance was more equal. he doesn’t like restrictions. he uses humour to hide his emotions.

im also thinking of doing a synastry reading between george and dream but idk yet lol

hope you guys enjoyed, this took ages lmao<3

#dream #dreamwastaken #dreamsmp #astrology #chart reading #sun in 7th #famous people chart reading #moon in 7th #mercury in 6th #venus in 7th #mars in 9th #jupiter in 3rd #saturn in 3rd #uranus in 12th #neptune in 12th #lilith in 10th #lilith conjunct pluto #moon square lilith #astrology reading

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anxi-aashi · 4 years ago

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snack time

eren x reader

words: 2.5k

warnings: cursing, the word sex like 2x, like one sentence that may or may not be a kind of spolier for s4???? i don’t think its a spoiler tho

summary: modern au! eren gets caught searching for food at 3 in the morning

a/n: oh? eren is out of character, you say? not like he is in the show, you say? well too fucking bad cause the only eren i acknowledge is filled to the brim with little shit energy. also i cant really tell if this is good or not cause i tried writing in present instead of past tense for once but theres a few paragraphs im lowkey proud of so im posting it anyway

also i didnt proofread this but i think its fine

You could count the number of times you’d spoken to your roommate on one hand.

Well, okay. It was probably more than that, but the point is you didn’t talk to him much.

It wasn’t that you didn’t like him. Eren seemed like a perfectly reasonable guy. It was why you agreed to take him on as a roommate whenever you were searching about two months ago. But you were working overtime at your job, taking whatever extra hours you could in order to get promoted to the manager position that was opening soon and that, paired with college, meant you weren’t around the apartment a lot. And when you were Eren, of course, wasn’t.

The few times you did talk to him always ended up following the same basic pattern.

“Hey.”

“Uh, we’re out of (insert basic household item or food product).”

“Yeah, I noticed. I’ll pick some up today.”

“Cool, thanks.”

“No problem.”

And then whoever it was that had to leave walked out the door and you didn’t see each other for the next four days.

Your friends always teased you that you were missing out on the perfect opportunity to live out your own Roommates to Lovers AU, which, yeah you were aware of that, but at the same time, what were you supposed to do? He seemed nice enough, but you still knew next to nothing about him. They always responded that that’s why you were supposed to talk to him-- so that you would know something about him, and when you said you were never around each other to do that, they would assert that if you weren’t going to try and get with your hot roommate, they would.

Eren often found himself in similar predicaments. His friends would every once in a while inquire about you, asking how you were doing, what you were up to-- (Y/N), Eren’s mysteriously elusive roommate-- and every time, Eren would have to reply the same way: “I have no clue.”

Jean was half convinced that you didn’t exist, but he mainly stuck with that theory because it bothered Eren so much and usually led him to get unnecessarily defensive. They usually moved on from the topic after Armin put a stop to the teasing, but Eren was always a little bummed for a bit after. Because you were a real person, no matter what Jean said. You were so real and so, so cute.

It sometimes physically hurt Eren how much the whole situation sucked. He’d thought you were attractive from the moment he saw you when applying to be your roommate, and he knew he was in trouble the second you snorted instead of sneered in response to his poop joke he forgot to censor himself from. The interview with you was probably harder than any other in his entire life because while you were focused on making sure he wasn’t a total perv or bum who couldn’t pay his half of the rent, he was focused on trying to not stare at you long enough to catch the questions you were asking him.

If he had known that would be about the only full-length conversation he would get with you, he would’ve asked you some questions as well, and taken the opportunity for what it was: an, apparently, once-in-a-lifetime chance to get to know his hot roommate.

But either you neglected to mention your hectic schedule during that interview, or he just missed it while being enamored with how cute your fuzzy socks looked on you, and now he was stuck wishing you would call in sick to work or skip class just once so that he might be able to talk to you about stuff that didn’t involve the lack of toilet paper in the bathroom.

However, the light shining from under your door this night at three in the morning stood to change this pathetic arrangement.

You were typically up late finishing assignments for school that you couldn’t get to during the day outside of work, and tonight was no different. But out of the two months you’d been living with Eren, never, ever had you seen light coming from outside your door this late at night.

You stare at the light in confusion, slowly processing what it meant since you’d been awake for almost twenty-four hours at this point. Looking at the time on your laptop to check and see that it was as late as you thought it was, you sigh and rub your eyes as they began to sting again from the bright light of your screen. You took this as a sign to quit for the night and shut your laptop, leaving your desk to investigate the hall light.

The door creaks slightly as you crack it open to see the light not coming from the hall, necessarily, but from Eren’s room, the door left open wide enough for you to see that your roommate was not in there.

Your eyebrows furrow together and you frown. Then, oddly, without a second thought, you head to the kitchen.

You come to the doorway after silently padding down the hall to see Eren, in all his six-foot, man-bun glory, wearing nothing but a pair of black sweatpants, hunched over and rummaging through the fridge. Whatever instinct it was that told you he would be in here had proven to be correct.

He eventually turns around with a Tupperware container in his hand, shutting the fridge with his foot, but freezes in the middle of setting the container down on the island once he sees you.

To be honest, you hadn’t even registered that he wasn’t wearing a shirt while he was turned around, but now that he was facing you, you have to force yourself to keep eye contact even though you could feel your face heating up slightly.

Eren, on the other hand, is frozen to his spot. He feels like he’s been caught selling drugs by his parents for some reason even though he knows getting food from the kitchen late at night isn’t a felony. Seeing you was so rare, though, that it took him a second before he realizes this is his chance. Sleep-deprived as you were, you were here, in front of him, with no other obligation for you to attend to. And God, if you didn’t look adorable as fuck in your sweatpants and hoodie, sleepily staring at him like he was an apparition.

You rub your eyes for the thousandth time that night and the motion spurs him into action. “Can’t sleep either?” he says finally setting down the food he’d pulled out, just trying to make conversation.

“I was looking for you,” you reply, a slight rasp coating your voice after not using it for a while. You realize it didn’t exactly answer his question, but you figure it’s good enough. Good God, you think, the words floating around somewhere in the back of your sleep-addled brain as you still refuse to look directly down at Eren’s torso, is that a fucking ten-pack?

You didn’t catch how intimate you sounded saying that, but Eren does and his heart stutters for a second. You were clearly tired, and probably meant something entirely different than how it sounded, but Eren is Eren, and he’s determined to make this interaction with you memorable.

The switch in his demeanor from being caught off guard to, well, whatever this is, is almost instantaneous. One of Eren’s eyebrows quirks up and his mouth contorts to hide a grin that was threatening to split across his face as he comfortably rests his forearms on the kitchen island and leans his weight on them, all while keeping eye contact with you. You feel like he’s burning a hole into your soul with how bright his green eyes are.

You want to bitch-slap your heart for speeding up so dramatically at this, but it’s almost impossible to stop from slamming the EMERGENCY button in your head when Eren slyly comments, “Does that mean you think I’m a snack?”

Your eyes fly open and heat rushes to your cheeks as you tried to defend yourself because that is most certainly not what you meant by that. “What?! No-- That’s not-- I didn’t-- ”

Well, actually, the horny half of your brain begins, but you shut that thought down before it can finish.

“I’m just saying,” Eren continues, a smug smile now resting on his face at your reaction, “You could’ve checked anywhere in the apartment and you came to the kitchen first.”

The words you wanted to say wouldn’t come out of your mouth, so you settle on glaring at him and the laugh he was clearly trying to contain.

“What’s wrong,” you deadpan, trying to cover up the fact that you don’t have a comeback for his teasing.

Eren’s confidence wavers for a second as he remembers why he was up in the first place. The sinking feeling in his stomach returns as remnants of his nightmare cycle through his mind. The glinting eye of a bloodthirsty monster. Bi-colored wings flapping on a forest green cape. A lifeless head separated from its body, a lingering expression of shock on its face. An earthquake that shook the entire world. Someone’s blood coating, dripping from his hands as he looked down at them with apathy.

“Um, just a bad dream,” he dismisses, shrugging his shoulders a bit.

You drop your glare, a concerned frown replacing it instead. He’d stood up straight, away from the island, and shoved his hands in his pockets. A smile had returned on his face after its split-second falter, but it felt like an afterthought. It’s obvious something’s bothering him, but if he didn’t want to talk about it, you weren’t going to push him.

You bite the inside of your cheek, mulling something over in your head that you hope you won’t come to regret later. “Do you kick in your sleep?” you finally ask.

Eren blinks, the synapses firing off in his brain as he searches for the context of your sudden question. One of his hands comes up from out of his pocket to rub the back of his neck as his eyes dart around aimlessly. “Uh, not that I’m aware of?”

Your eyes flit to the way his bicep flexes when he does that before meeting his eyes again. “Well, my bed’s big enough for two so as long as I don’t end up on the floor in the middle of the night, you’re welcome to share it with me. If you want to, that is. No pressure, obviously,” you rush the last part awkwardly.

A small smile twitches at the corner of his mouth before blooming into a bashful grin. It’s mesmerizing; you feel like you should look away for some reason, but all you can do is stare at how his eyes seemed to glimmer when he smiled like that. Suddenly, you feel incredibly stupid for working so much.

“Yeah, I think I’ll take you up on that if you don’t mind,” he responds, returning his hand back into his pants pocket.

You scoff. “I’m the one who offered, why would I mind,” but you fight a losing battle against the smile that threatens to overtake your own face. His smile’s infectious and you can’t find it in you to hate it.

You turn on your heel and pad back to your room, assuming he’ll follow you when he’s ready. From back in the kitchen, you hear the fridge door open and close with a little more force than is probably necessary, and then the slight pounding of footsteps as Eren catches up to follow you to your room.

When the juncture of your rooms comes up, Eren peels off into his. You pause at your doorway, a little confused, but your question is answered when his lamp light flicks off and he comes walking back out with one hand pulling the hem of a gray t-shirt down his body, closing his door behind him gently.

You walk over to your desk and wait for him to enter your room and settle on your bed before flicking your lamp off as well, blanketing the room in darkness for the night.

You climb into bed yourself, occupying the side he hadn’t taken, and slide under the covers.

The first few seconds are awkward. The only sound that fills the room is the occasional shuffle of one of you trying to get comfortable and you end up simply laying on your back, covers pulled up to your nose, staring at the ceiling.

You look over and see Eren laying on his side, his back turned to you. You almost think he’s asleep from how still he is, but his head then tilts up toward the ceiling as he attempts to look over at you without having to actually turn over and he speaks. “Hey, um, this is gonna sound weird, and you can totally say no, but--”

“Are you about to ask me for sex?”

“Wh--” This causes Eren to shift over more and fully look at you. “I was gonna say cuddle, but, hey, if that’s where your mind went to first--”

“Oh thank God,” you breathe, rolling on your side to face him and choosing to ignore the beginning of his probably suggestive comment. “Yeah, I’m okay with cuddling.”

Eren takes this as his cue to move and worms his way over to where you are, stretching an arm out to pull you closer once he reaches the middle of the bed. Your face feels like it’s on fire at this point and you already regret wearing your hoodie to bed even though the night is on the colder side.

By the time he’s done, you’re settled snugly against his chest, his arm wrapped around your back keeping you in place and nose squished to the top of your head. Every exhale he releases send tingles down your spine and your mind is hyper-focused on his hand that’s splayed out between your shoulder blades. Your thoughts are racing incoherently and your heart thuds against your ribcage so hard you’re actually worried he can feel it against his own chest.

Over the next few moments, you slowly calm down. Your muscles relax, your heart slows down, and you feel your exhaustion creep back to the forefront of your brain as you hear Eren’s breathing start to even out. You know you’re minutes away from falling asleep.

“You know,” Eren mumbles against your scalp, a note of amusement hiding under the rumble of his voice, “I’d make sure we had a couple dates under our belts before I asked you for sex.”

You flick his chest with one of your hands that’s smushed in between your chests. “Shut up,” you mutter half-heartedly. “If you’re gonna ask me out, do it when I’m conscious.”

The last thing you register before falling asleep is the feeling of Eren’s smile against your forehead. And he makes a mental note of your order before following.

#aot #attack on titan #snk #shingeki no kyojin #aot x reader #eren x reader #eren jaeger #eren jeager x reader #aot imagines #snk imagines #eren yeager #eren yeager x reader #snail.writes

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birdhouse-of-shadows · 3 years ago

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Hello everyone! So here is a fic that I left in my askbox for a hot minute lol. This was all submitted by an anon who you may or may not have seen a few times. This is a compilation of all of the asks and the whole story.

My comments will be in green, any notes from the author will be in blue and the rest will be in the normal text color.

PLEAAASEE be careful if you are sensitive to the following subjects:

Tw: Child Abuse, torture, multiple abusive foster homes, bondage(kinda, quirk inhibiting cuffs), Heavy injury, blood, smoking,

im currently running on no sleep and a bottle of pepsi, sour this is sloppy asf I apologize in advance 😗

im in an angst mood, so i come with this.

Tokoyami’s biological parents abandoned him when he was four. To this day he has no idea why, and has very little memory of them. All of his memories take place in one of the seven abusive foster homes he lived in before he entered U.A.. Over the course of that time, Fumikage has accumulated a large variety of scars, from deep, jagged scars, to cigarette burns, to just really, really bad bruises. Out of all the foster homes he’s been in, none of Fumikage’s foster parents have been fond of mutants, or mutant-type quirks. In several of the foster homes, Fumikage was forced to wear quirk suppressant cuffs 24/7, since his parents “didn’t want a monster running rampant in their house.” Between his mutation, and the violent tendencies of Dark Shadow, Fumikage was basically what nobody wanted in a child. His foster parents would yell every possible derogatory insult at Fumikage, saying he should’ve never been born, even though they weren’t even his real parents. Over time, the verbal abuse would mess with Fumikage’s mind. He’d stare at himself in the mirror, wondering why he was born the way he was, and why he’s the monster everyone says he is. And just when he thought the verbal abuse couldn’t get any worse, as he got older, his foster parents would resort to physical punishment. At first, it wasn’t that bad, at least, in Fumikage’s eyes. Just a slap here and there, plus some cigarette burns on his arms and shoulders. It was painful, but he fought through it, knowing no one would come to help him. But over time, the “discipline” would get even more brutal. It doesn’t matter what he did, every little thing seemed to set his parents off. From accidentally breaking something, to giving a snide comment unannounced, it wasn’t often that Fumikage went to bed at night without being beaten sometime before then. He would be pinned down by his throat and violently beaten with whatever blunt object was nearby. He eventually gave up trying to apologize, as it somehow only upset his parents even more. Once, when he was eleven years old, Fumikage was beaten with a glass vase after pushing one of his foster siblings. The glass eventually shattered, and the broken ends of the vase dug into Fumikage’s back, leaving horrible, jagged cuts all over him. Witnessing Fumikage being beaten day after day made Dark Shadow feel overwhelmingly guilty. Fumikage was in quirk suppressant cuffs ninety percent of the time, so Dark Shadow was pretty much helpless in most situations. Those damned cuffs made it feel like an invisible wall was put up between where Dark Shadow resided, and the outside world. A wall that agonizingly sat between Dark Shadow, and Fumikage’s safety. There were nights when Fumikage lay flat on his back, staring at the ceiling, his body numbed by pain. Whether he was laying in a bed or not, unfortunately varied by foster home. But it was on those nights where Dark Shadow would apologize profusely to Fumikage, saying that they’re nothing more than the monster that brought misery to Fumikage’s life. Saying that they’re the reason Fumikage gets beaten so often, and yet do nothing to help him. They vow that once they’re in a safer home, away from their abusers, that they will always protect Fumikage. Always. But by then…Fumikage had already fallen asleep.

Overall, Tokoyami’s home life…was nothing worth smiling about. Thankfully, his time at school was less painful. He often got comments about his looks, saying that he was ugly and all that, but by then, he was more than used to it. Eventually, he faded into the shadows (no pun intended) at most of his schools. He eventually was just forgotten about, which truthfully, didn’t bother him. It was a bit lonely, sure, but it was much better than constantly being beaten simply for existing. In Fumikage’s eyes, school was just a break from his disastrous home life. Though, he tended not to talk during class, and had very little interaction with his teachers, for…reasons. Even so, it was actually during his first year of middle school where Fumikage discovered his dream of being a hero. Just because he was spared from the excessive discrimination of mutants, others happened to be less fortunate. Fumikage would witness how his fellow mutants were treated by others. They had their work stolen, their bags dumped out, over were overall just treated like dirt compared to everyone else. So anytime Tokoyami saw a fellow mutant, or anyone really, being bullied, he’d go and help them, telling them that they don’t deserve to take shit for the way they look, or what their quirk is, and that quirks don’t make villains, it’s how those quirks are used, meaning that the people bullying them are more like villains than they will ever be. With his newfound motivation, Tokoyami decided that he wanted to become a hero to show others that they don’t have to fear who they were born to be, or, as he put it, “To not be daunted by their inner darkness. Instead, to embrace such, and with it, become your best self.” Love that for him honestly. One of the students he helped was a tall, slim girl with a head reminiscent to that of an elephant, her most notable feature being her long trunk that was about the length of her entire upper body. She was shy, and avoided any sort of conflict like the plague. At one point she was harassed by another group of girls, before Tokoyami came and stopped them. He gave his long winded, motivational speech to her, and saying she was grateful was quite the understatement, and the next day, as a thank-you gift, gave Tokoyami a red choker, saying that it was just like the one Dark Crystal wore, knowing how much Tokoyami admired the hero. (In other words, he never shut up about him) Tokoyami relayed his gratitude countless times to her, and the two agreed to become friends, even though they wouldn’t see eachother often. Reluctantly, the girl also pointed out the horrible scars and bruises on Tokoyami’s neck, and figured that he’d want to cover them. Tokoyami stiffened at the mention of his scars, but continued thanking her anyway. The two often saw eachother in the halls and waved at one another, on friendly terms, but strangely enough, they never spoke again.

It was also around that time that he became more interactive with Dark Shadow, and began to explore more darker concepts. He founded a love for reading, specifically horror novels and manga. He also became fascinated with poetry (specifically the edgy variety), both reading and writing it. He found that writing poetry gave him an outlet for expressing both himself, and Dark Shadow’s feelings, without having to risk angering his foster parents. Eventually, the tone found written by his favorite poets began to make its way into Fumikage’s speech patterns. He felt more comfortable with it, and it wasn’t something people easily understood, which ultimately meant his foster parents would just ignore him, thinking he was going through an emo phase. And miraculously, it worked. Although he was still physically and verbally abused throughout his middle school years, his foster parents eventually backed off, as Fumikage became more introverted. Now, he’d look in the mirror at all of his scars, and use his past trauma as motivation for becoming a hero. Though, it wasn’t easy. Those painful memories would always come flooding back whenever he looked at those scars. Since he spent most of his life surrounded by abusive adults, he believed that most adults were the same way, and refrained from speaking with adults at all, in fear of angering them. Hearing them yell would make him flinch out of pure instinct, and being stuck alone with an adult would make him an anxious mess. But he did his best to mask this fear with the brooding, edgy side of him. It was his best, and pretty much only way of coping with this fear. He tried his best to overcome his anxiety, but it was never that easy. But he managed to get through middle school mostly unscathed.

And finally, after three agonizingly long paragraphs, Fumikage makes it into U.A.. Of course, that didn’t exempt him from any of his current foster parent’s rules. He had to keep quirk cuffs in his bag at all times, and if he came home without them on, he would be beaten. Tokoyami remained obedient, not wanting to show up to his first day at U.A. beaten half to death. Armed with his scars, his motivation, and of course, Dark Shadow, Tokoyami entered U.A with confidence. And everyone… was so nice???? Almost immediately after he sat in his designated seat in class 1-A, people came up to him, talking to him. He met a variety of different students, some more…mellow than others. But overall, he liked his class. But the teacher? Well…not so much. In Tokoyami’s eyes, the man who dubbed himself their homeroom teacher, Mr. Aizawa, was completely and utterly terrifying. ‘He probably has a machete hidden in that sleeping bag ready to kill us at any moment-‘ Dark Shadow said on the first day. Tokoyami couldn’t help but agree. But not in a comedic way. Something about Aizawa was all too reminiscent of one of his foster fathers, specifically the one who gave him all of the scars on his back, after beating him with a glass vase. Any time he was around him, he was anxious. But eventually, little did Fumikage know, this man who he deemed “terrifying” would eventually become one of the people he trusted the most.

okay okay I’ll stop for now, I’ll write more eventually, but I’ll wait until this is answered so I won’t be flooding your asks, and I promise I will never submit anything this long ever again 😖

part 2 yee yee

also, as you can tell, i have heavily observed canon, and elected to ignore it :)

Fumikage’s year so far was hectic. No, scratch that. It was hellish. It seemed like everywhere the class went together, they were attacked by villains. Aizawa seemed to be getting more and more tired by the day. Fumikage didn’t blame him, as he had a class full of trouble magnets. But following the skirmish at the forest training camp, and All Might’s retirement, things seemed to be looking up, at least a little bit. However, there was rumor going around that U.A. was planning to implement a form system, leaving Fumikage with mixed feelings. One on hand, he was ecstatic. He could finally, even if it was just for a short time, get away from his foster home. The training camp incident left Fumikage shaken more than he’d like, and having to deal with verbal abuse at the hands of his father wasn’t doing him any favors. After being released from the hospital, his father berated him four what felt like hours after hearing that he’d lost control of Dark Shadow. The day he got home, without any second thought, his father grabbed him by his shirt collar (which hurt more than it should have due to the fresh bruises on Fumikage’s back) and mercilessly screamed at him. Even though it only lasted about ten minutes, it felt like forever. He was forced to stand just inches away from his father, the thick smell of cigarette smoke emitting from his breath. Dark Shadow shrunk within him, trying desperately to drown out the heinous comments that they’re directly responsible for. Following the “lecture”, as his father like to call it, Fumikage was put back into his quirk cuffs, but this time, as what his parents described as a “precaution”, he had a thick, tight quirk suppressant collar locked around his neck. It dug through Fumikage’s skin, and it felt like he was being strangled. Even so, just like everything he’d been through up to that point, he had to bear with it. He tiredly trudged back to his room, or, well, it was a linen closet. He had a small pile of blankets that acted as his bed, as well as several books lined up neatly against the wall. He’d read most of them several times already, but other that his phone, it was pretty much his only source of entertainment. The closet was always freezing, and he was rarely allowed out. But Fumikage always forced himself to be grateful for having a roof over his head at all, since he knew there were always going to be people who were less fortunate. With a sigh, he lay down on his small pile of blankets. He curled up within himself, trying his best to keep warm. Normally, one of his siblings slip whatever packaged food their parents gave them under the door. It always tasted like it went bad two weeks ago, but at this point, to Fumikage, fuck it, food was food. But much to his dismay, Fumikage’s parents told him that he was “on punishment”. And while on punishment, he knew well enough, that they refuse to feed him. Over the last 18 months that he’d been living in that foster home, he’d been on punishment five times, and during that time, he lost a very unhealthy amount of weight, and his overall health tanked. But, like he said for every terrible thing that’s befallen him over the past 12 years, he was used to it. So, Fumikage went the next three days without eating a single thing.

But it was after those three days, when Fumikage’s life changed. Whether it was for better or worse, he was forced to wait and see.

One morning, or…was it evening? It was hard to tell when you’re stuck in a dark linen closet with no sense of time whatsoever. But anyway, Fumikage woke up shivering, not that he wasn’t used to that. But he did hear the faint sound of his parents talking. However, there was one other voice. Fumikage’s hearing wasn’t the best, with him being a bird and everything, but he knew that voice. He knew that voice from anywhere. It was Aizawa’s. Fumikage forced himself up. His back was stiff, and the thick collar around his neck weighed him down. His stomach was begging for food, but that wasn’t important. He smoothed out his feathers best he could, and quietly opened the closet door. He could hear Aizawa conversing with his parents, and they talked about the newly constructed dorms. Aizawa explained that for the Fumikage’s safety, he requested that Fumikage lives in a secure dorm system. He’d have his own room, full access to a kitchen full of food, and of course, he’d have a common space to mingle with his peers. To Fumikage, it sounded like heaven, but unfortunately, his parents weren’t having it. They went on and on about how Fumikage would put his peers in danger with his destructive quirk. Aizawa, thankfully, wasn’t willing to put up with them either. He went on to tell them about how Fumikage has excelled with the control of Dark Shadow. Fumikage felt a warm feeling in his stomach after hearing his teacher, that same one he’s so afraid of, speak so highly of him. But there was one thing that left Aizawa’s mouth that his parents really couldn’t respond to. “Well, why not let Fumikage have a say in this? Where is he?” he asked them. There was something about his teacher’s tone that showed that he knew exactly what he was doing. Fumikage looked down at himself. He was still wearing the same black long sleeved shirt and blue jeans that he’d worn three days ago. His quirk cuffs were tight around his wrists, and his collar, though he’d gotten used to the feeling, was madly uncomfortable around his neck. He had two choices. Go down there and let Aizawa witness firsthand the extent of Fumikage’s constant neglect, and risk being punished even further by his parents, or play it safe, and potentially let Aizawa find him on his own. But…the world was never that nice to him, so instead, Fumikage heard an irritated sigh, and footsteps coming up the stairs. Hurriedly, Fumikage shut the closet door and sat back down against the wall. Just moments later, he watched the closet door open, and felt his father’s sultry gaze fall on him. He grabbed his arm and pulled him up to his feet. He took the cuffs off of Fumikage, and let them fall to the floor. Before taking off the collar, he leaned down, glaring daggers at his foster son. “You say anything out of place boy, and I reopen those cuts on your back, god help you.” he said in a low growl. Fumikage stiffened, the memory of jagged glass tearing his skin open flashing through his mind. He nodded, and took a breath of air as the collar was removed. He really didn’t care that all he breathed in was cigarette smoke. That feeling of being strangled by a metal collar was finally gone, even if just for a little while. His father grabbed his wrist, and dragged him down to the living room, where Aizawa sat across from his mother.

Aizawa knew right away that there was something seriously off. Tokoyami had a few feathers out of place, and his shirt hung limply over him. He looked like he hadn’t eaten in a week. But what pisses Aizawa off the most, was something Tokoyami was clearly trying to hide, and that was the dark ring of bruises around his wrists. He really needed to confront his student about how these two were treating him. But for now, he just needed to get the kid to agree to move into the dorms. He watched the avian teen sit down between his two caretakers. The boy looked very uncomfortable, almost afraid. Aizawa felt his gaze soften upon seeing his student in the state he was, but he had to do what he came here for. So he directed his gaze to Tokoyami, and asked him his thought of moving into U.A.’s dorms. It concerned him hearing how fast Tokoyami answered. “I’d be glad to.” He responded almost instantly. “It would be a great opportunity to get to know my peers better, no?” He looked to his mother, who gave him an irritated look. Aizawa held back a smirk. The kid had a way with words, that was for sure. Aizawa cleared his throat, and spoke up. “Well, it seems he’s all for it.” he said, looking at the two adults in front of him. They looked very unamused. The boy’s mother rubbed her temples, and sighed. “Fine, fine.” she grumbled. “But if Fumikage has any issues with behavior whatsoever, so let us know.” She said, giving her son a pointed look. Aizawa nodded, and stood up. “I doubt that will be an issue, he’s very well behaved.” he said, tucking a loose strand of hair behind his ear. His eyes fell to his student. He once again noticed the loose feathers sticking out from the sides of the boy’s head. There were only about two or three, but Aizawa took the initiative anyway. He leaned down toward Tokoyami, and smoothed out his feathers carefully. The boy stiffened, but relaxed. Once Aizawa was satisfied, he stood back up. Tokoyami brought a hand to the side of his head, and gave Aizawa a dumbfounded look. The man gave him an amused look, and turned around toward the door. “I’ll see you in a few days, Tokoyami.” he said, laying his hand on the doorknob. The teen nodded in response, and Aizawa left the house.

As soon as he shut the door, Aizawa clenched his fists. Of course he noticed Tokoyami’s disheveled-looking appearance. But there was one thing, one tiny little thing, that Tokoyami did. Since the moment he sat down, to the moment Aizawa left. Tokoyami rested one arm on his leg, and began tapping his knee. Aizawa didn’t think much of it at first, but then he remembered something he learned while he was still in training. Whenever someone did that, no matter the age, it was a warning sign. Tokoyami was trying to get his attention the entire time.

There was something seriously wrong.

And that’s it for part two I suppose. I feel like this part is significantly worse than the last one, but when it comes down to it, consistency isn’t my thing 🙃

i forgot to proofread part two before submitting it so uh….if there are typos to there aren’t <3

Its perfectly fine!! I never saw them~

part 3 let’s goooo

After Aizawa left, Fumikage relaxed his hand over his knee. He really hoped his teacher noticed his warning sign, but whether he did or not, he was still stuck with his parents until he moved into the dorms. A sudden wave of unease fell over him. He knew his parents were staring him down. And he knew they were not happy. He took at deep breath, and met his father’s gaze. The man’s eyes narrowed. “You got somethin’ to say, brat?” he spat through gritted teeth. Fumikage shrugged. He knew he wouldn’t be living with his foster parents for much longer, which made pushing their buttons much more tempting. He held back a smirk. “Me? Oh no. Although, judging by that look on your face, I figured you’d have something to say, no?” the teen hummed. He rested his elbows on his knees, and tilted his head. Fumikage watched his father’s eyelid twitch. It was quite amusing, really. “Just get your ass upstairs, brat. I don’t want another goddamn word outta you.” The man hissed. “And put your cuffs on too.” Fumikage let out a sigh, but nodded anyway. He’d best be obedient now, since, if possible, he’d like to make it to U.A.’s dorms in one piece. He stood up and shoved his hands into his pockets, before trudging back upstairs to his “room”.

After closing the closet door, Fumikage took another look at the cramped area he’s forced to call his bedroom. For the last eighteen months, he was stuck in this hellhole of a house. He had felt more alone than any other point in his life, even with Dark Shadow around. He had no freedom in this house. Hell, he can hardly think of a time he’s ever had any freedom throughout his life. He’s been chained down, locked in cages like an animal, abused in pretty much every way possible…he hated it. More than anything. For most of his early life, it was hard for him to tell if Dark Shadow was really his quirk, or just a voice in his head, given how rarely the two would be allowed to see eachother. But to Fumikage, quirk or not, Dark Shadow was his closest friend. His only friend. And the idea of them getting an entire room, bed and all, just to themselves, with no restrictions, made Fumikage feel more excited than he had ever felt before. Fumikage put a hand to his chest, letting out a relieved sigh, and couldn’t help but smile. Even if it was just for a little while, he, alone with Dark Shadow, could finally be free.

While he was lost in his thoughts, Fumikage’s eyes eventually fell to his quirk cuffs, laying menacingly on the pile of blankets before him, his collar just a few inches away. He felt Dark Shadow stir restlessly within him, not wanting to be trapped by the cuffs. Even though Dark Shadow never got the chance to come out while they were off, it felt liberating to not be bound by what was, in the long run, thick pieces of metal. They’d felt more relaxed for those tense twenty minutes during the conference then they had been throughout their entire time living there. But they knew, for Fumikage’s safety, that, at least until they moved into the dorms, that the cuffs had to stay on. With a sigh, Fumikage grabbed the cuffs, and, after lining them up with his already existing bruises, snapped them shut. Dark Shadow felt like chains held them back the second the cuffs came on. They let out an agitated whimper deep within Fumikage. The teen sighed, bringing a hand to his chest. He hated when his quirk felt like this, but he knew it would all be over soon. He picked up the collar, feeling the cold metal in his hands. With a huff, he threw it aside, and sat down against the wall. He looked up at the ceiling, and reached deep within himself. It was faint, but he managed to connect with Dark Shadow. “Just a few more days, Dark Shadow…” he whispered. “It’ll all be over soon. Not for long, but…things will lighten up. I promise.” That promise was a bit of a stretch, in Fumikage’s opinion. But it would be that promise that got them through the next few days. Fumikage laid down on his “bed”, and reached for one of his books. He didn’t care which one, since he’d read them all about a million times each, but he just needed a distraction. The book he’d ended up grabbing, he knew was more philosophical than he would’ve preferred, but hey, he wanted a distraction. So he opened the book, and proceeded to read.

Fumikage had gotten about 90 pages in before he heard the lock on the closet door rattle. The door swung open, letting a wave of light into the room. Fumikage looked up from his book, and low and behold, his father stood over him, an angry look on his face, as always. “Can I help you?” Fumikage asked, laying the book down on his lap. The man in front of him snorted. “Get up, brat. It’s bath time.” he said, an amused tone in his voice. If he could, Fumikage would’ve raised a brow. That tone in his father’s voice was never a good sign, but Fumikage didn’t have much of a choice. So he laid the book aside, and stood up. His father grabbed his wrist, and dragged him out of the closet. Fumikage had no idea what his father meant by “bath time”, but as the two walked directly passed the bathroom, Fumikage knew, that his parents had something else in mind…

and that’s it for part 3. i never actually have a set plan for these, i just go until I feel like stopping. These also aren’t written beforehand, I just chill in your asks for an hours writing these, making things up as I go along. I basically treat it like my notes app lmao

I'm glad my ask box has served well as your notes app! Just be careful that things save!!

part 4. this was so fucking hard to write you don’t understand 😭 and im too tired to proofread this shit so if you see typos no you don’t. enjoy.

You're doing great!!

Trapped within his father’s grip, Fumikage nearly tripped as he was dragged down the stairs. Being dragged around like a rag doll was uncomfortable enough already, but having thick quirk cuffs clamped around his wrists, digging into his skin, made the whole ordeal more painful rather than uncomfortable, but either way, whatever his parents had in store for him, like always, Fumikage wasn’t looking forward to.

Before Fumikage knew it, the two were in the kitchen. A metal bucket sat in the kitchen sink, hot water running into it. Next to the sink stood his mother, a sultry grin on her face. Thick clouds of steam rose from the basin, and suddenly it hit him. Fumikage’s breath hitched, and he froze in place. He stumbled back, pressing himself against the wall behind him. His father let out a low chuckle. “What’s the matter brat? You were all smug n’ shit earlier. Where’d all that giddiness go?” He asked, leaning toward Fumikage. The man gave a sultry grin, blowing a cloud of cigarette smoke into Fumikage’s face.

Fumikage’s eyes fell to his mother, who had her hand laid against the bucket. The painful reality all started coming together. Much quicker than Fumikage would’ve preferred, given that he’s on the receiving end of yet another one of his parent’s grueling “punishments”. His mother had a heat quirk. Not fire, but heat. She could alter the heat of any object she touches, reaching heats of up to 315 degrees celcius. Fumikage has been burned before. Several times actually. It hurt like hell, but nothing he’d ever felt before compared to the searing, agonizing pain of being touched by anything heated by his mother’s quirk. And here he was, backed into a corner, at his parent’s mercy.

He knew what was coming. As much as he hated what was about to come next, there was no getting out of it. Not with both of his parents right in front of him. As Fumikage watched that bucket of water begin to boil over, and his mother’s grin grow wider. he felt Dark Shadow begin to tremble within him, helplessly. He could feel his hands begin to shake, and without even having to look, he could hear his father chuckle in amusement.

Fumikage clenched his fists. He couldn’t just submit himself to his parents so easily. But then again, at the end of the day, he was helpless. As always. There was no escape, because when has there ever been? Fighting back was pointless. It always has been. Because to him, this wasn’t torture. This wasn’t abuse. To him, this was just another punishment. Another, grueling, agonizing, painful, god-forsaken punishment.

He was used to this.

Fumikage felt tears prick at the corners of his eyes. He looked up at his father. What was this sudden burst of emotion? Fumikage had never felt like this before. Was it anger? Fear? Whatever it was, it made his head spin. Either way, he planned to use his sudden rush of negative energy for something he should’ve done months ago. And the consequences that came with it?

Fuck the consequences.

A twisted, pained smile forced it’s way to Fumikage’s features. Tears rolling down his cheeks, he locked eyes with his father. “Sick bastard.” he muttered. “You know I’ll be out of this hellhole in two days, so you take every opportunity you have to put me in as much pain as possible.” Fumikage wiped a tear from his eyes with his sleeve. “Sounds like you’re getting desperate, wouldn’t you agree?” Fumikage grinned upon seeing that irritated look wash over his father’s face. Oh, how much he loved that look.

Over the years that Fumikage has been in foster care, he was never liked by this parents. They blamed it on his violent quirk. Funny enough, almost none of them had even seen his quirk. Fumikage never got around to asking about that, since a lot of the time, talking ended up getting him in trouble. Looking back on it, Fumikage realizes just how stupid it was. Talking, of all things, got him in trouble. What was next? Breathing?

And this foster home was no different. If he “talked out of place”, as his father liked to put it, he was punished. It was hard to decipher exactly what was considered talking “out of place”, since it seemed like nearly everything Fumikage said warranted punishment. So eventually, he opted not to speak at all. But there were always those times, now included, where talking back just felt so right. When Fumikage is finally able to stand up for himself, despite the inevitable consequences that came with it.

And boy, were there consequences.

Before he knew it, Fumikage’s head was slammed against the wall behind him, beak first. With how sensitive his beak was, that pain rung throughout his brain, dazing him. Then he was kneed in the stomach, three times actually, right on one of his fresh bruises. Fumikage let out a choked sob as his breath left him. Even if it only lasted seconds, Fumikage felt as though he were suffocating. And as much as he hated the feeling of air leaving him, that just so happened to be the least painful thing he experienced that night.

Through his pain, Fumikage caught a glimpse of something shiny. Because of course he would. It looked to be metal, with a sharp tip. In his dazed state, he could only guess that it was his Father’s six-inch knife. And right he was, because that exact knife tore down the back of his shirt, exposing all of the scars that littered his back. Pinning him against the wall, his father ripped off his shirt, before kicking him to the cold hardwood floors. Just as Fumikage attempted to sit up, he felt another hard kick to the back of his head. The teen brought his hands to his head almost immediately, gripping tightly at his feathers in an attempt to ease his head’s throbbing pain. But at that moment, Fumikage realized, he had let his guard down.

Just seconds later, he felt it.

That agonizing, searing pain.

All over his body.

He let out a gut-wrenching scream as he felt blisters rapidly forming all over his back and arms. He found himself clawing at his arms, in a desperate attempt to ease the stinging pain, only for thin, deep cuts to form on his pale skin. He felt his quirk cuffs reacted to the heat, getting ever more tighter around Fumikage’s thin wrists. Any and all obscenities his parents threw at him were drowned out by this unbearable pain. Through his sobs, Fumikage began to wonder, was it really worth it? Was it ever worth it? He almost didn’t care. He just wanted it all to be over.

He just wanted the pain, the suffering, the torture, all of it, he just wanted it to go away.

Once the pain died down to the point where it was at least bearable, Fumikage forced himself up on his hands and knees, struggling to keep himself stable on the wet hardwood. Between both the burns, and the quirk cuffs nearly suffocating his wrists, his hands were blistered and swollen. Fumikage locked eyes with his father, who looked down at him, satisfied with his work. Fumikage’s breathing was slow and heavy, as he tried to fight through the pain. “Is…is that all you got?” he managed to choke out. “Two kicks and some hot water? Is that your last line of defense? Seems pretty lackluster if you ask me.” His entire body trembling, Fumikage managed to get to his feet. Steam emitted from his entire upper body, and he was throbbing with pain. That satisfied look on his father’s face suddenly turned to one of pure rage. Without a word, the man walked toward Fumikage, his knife in one hand, and empty glass bottle in the other. Pressing any further in this situation, with this many injuries, Fumikage knew, would be incredibly risky. But then again, heroes are supposed to take risks.

Fumikage forced his beak back into that same twisted grin he wore before, but this time, it was more reluctant. Either way, there was no turning back now.

“Bite me.” he muttered through gritted teeth.

It went dead silent. You could hear a pin drop. But that silence was short lived.

Fumikage heard the deafening sound of glass shattering. There was a sudden flash of bright light, leaving as quick as it arrived, and Fumikage’s world became black.

i dont plan on writing any more violent scenes, simply because they’re hard asf to write lmao, so the next part is basically an unneeded time skip because im lazy <3

I'm sure whatever you will write will be perfect!!!

part 5 bitches. or is this part 6? idk this feels like a part 6. anyway proofreading is out the window, it was a long time ago, but either way this might look at but messy. fuck it it’s 3am idc anymore. enjoy.

Fumikage’s eyes opened. His eyelids felt heavy, and his back was stiff, but other than that…he felt no pain. He sat up and looked around. He wasn’t in the linen closet. In fact, it didn’t look like he was in his foster home at all. He looked to be in an apartment. It was on the small side, but it felt…comfortable. The furniture wasn’t dusty, and the air was free of cigarette smoke. Beneath him, was a dark grey couch. He had to have been sleeping on it for a while, as he had shed a single feather onto the fabric of the couch. But either way, Fumikage somehow felt…safe.

Then, he caught something from the corner of his eye. Well, not something, rather, someone. A tall figure, their face and body obscured by shadow, stood in the doorway to the kitchen. The figure began to walk toward him. Their hands were tucked into their pockets, and they stalked toward him, almost tiredly. It felt so…familiar. But Fumikage’s world felt fuzzy. It was hard to tell if what he was seeing was even real. The figure kneeled down in front of him their obscured face looking him in the eyes. He watched their lips move, but there was no sound. Fumikage wanted to speak, but all he heard was his own confused, stuttered breathing.

The figure tilted their head, and their eyebrows furrowed. They reached a hand behind Fumikage’s head, ruffling his crown feathers gently. The figure spoke again, yet Fumikage was still met with silence. The figure’s face, as far as Fumikage could see, was painted with concern. But before Fumikage could make another attempt to speak, another figure appeared from a hallway. They were taller, slimmer, and just like the first one, their body and face was completely obscured. The second figure came over, kneeling next to the first, trying to get Fumikage to say something. Anything. But the world around him was completely silent.

Fumikage felt his vision blur at the edges. What was happening? Who were the people in front of him? Why did they look so worried? His mind was runny by a mile a minute, not knowing where he was, who he was with, and why any of them were there. Fumikage looked around desperately for anything that could pose as a distraction. In the midst of his panic, he saw one of the figure’s shadowy hands reach toward him. Fumikage swatted at the hand and tried to back away, but instead was blocked by the back of the couch. His gaze went back toward the two figures in front of him. Once again, one of them reached toward him, carefully grabbing his arm. The touch felt cold, and staticky, much like how Dark Shadow felt. Fumikage squeezed his eyes shut, and he felt tears run down his cheeks, afraid of what’s to come next. But, much to his surprise, he felt a pair of arms wrap around him, holding him tight. Through the haze, Fumikage could finally make out what this person was saying. It was a faint, hollow echo that rang through his ears. “It’s okay, kid. You’re safe.” They said.

Fumikage’s breathing slowed as he lay his head on the figure’s shadowy shoulder. “I’m…safe…” he repeated, almost hypnotically. Then he heard the second figure join in. “That’s right. You don’t have to be scared anymore. You’re in a new home, with a new family.” they said. Their voice was slightly higher, and had a softer tone to it. But those words…

Fumikage lifted his head slightly, just enough to see over the figure’s shoulder. His vision was hazy, and he felt as though he were in a trance.

“Family…” Fumikage whispered. That word…that word alone. ‘Family’. It just felt so…right. As though what Fumikage saw as paradise was finally coming to pass. He felt tears well up in his eyes. But unlike before, he felt tears of relief. For the first time in what felt like years, he really felt safe. Fumikage lifted an arm, and whipped away his tears with his sleeve. When his vision cleared, yet another figure appeared. However, this one was…small. Then Fumikage realized, it was a child. His head tilted as the obscure figure carefully walked over to him. They kept their hands in front of them, almost as if afraid to hurt him. Although Fumikage had relaxed, he still felt dazed, and somehow, his movements almost didn’t feel like his own.

Just like when he reached his arm out toward the child. They were just barely out of reach, but in response, they brought both hands to Fumikage’s, and a smile came to their obscured face. They looked…happy. And for the first time in what Fumikage felt like forever…so did he. He felt a small smile form on his beak. He hated kids. Normally, anyway. But right now…this wasn’t so bad.

He felt the older figure pull away from him, still carefully running their hand through his feathers. The second also leaned back, relaxing a bit. Fumikage lay back against the couch with a sigh, before looking over the three figure’s one last time. Was this really his family…? Hell, whether they were or not, he could get used to it. He just couldn’t help it. After years of pain, years of terror, a family, a kind, loving family, was what Fumikage had always dreamed of.

He eventually felt his eyelids, as well as his whole body, become heavy. He felt his grip on consciousness slowly slip, the world around him slowly swirling into a dark grey void. That same word echoed through his mind throughout, becoming more faint each time he heard it. Family. family….family….

Fumikage’s eyes slowly opened one last time, but this time, he didn’t just feel tired. He felt cold, he felt sore, but above all…he felt uneasy. That cold, painfully familiar feeling washed over him. And painful it was. The second he dared to move, Fumikage felt a sharp pain up his back. He sighed, letting his body relax. He looked up at the ceiling, but couldn’t stop the tears from forming in his eyes.

He was home.

and that’s it. i feel like i use too many commas, but fuck it im sleep deprived i do what i want :D anyway the next part will be done…whenever the fuck i feel like writing it idk lmao

Please sleep, you're doing great!! I too suffer from overuse of commas, but I don't think they hurt too much!!

sigh. part 7. maybe. idgaf anymore lmao

toward the end I pretty much forgot how to write, so this is uh, a mess to say the least. but enjoy I guess? yea

Fumikage slowly sat up, and let his hands fall solemnly in his lap. With his level of pain and exhaustion, it was hard to keep himself stable, and his quirk cuffs acting as six-pound weights wasn’t doing him any favors. Which, now that he noticed, wasn’t the only thing Fumikage was wearing. He felt his quirk collar clamped around his neck, even tighter than before. He was surprised that it hasn’t cut off his airflow by now.

Fumikage brushed off the pain, still in awe by his dream. As abstract as it was, it just felt so…real. Everything around him felt as though it were really there. And those shadow figures….he felt their words, their touch…as strange as it was, it just felt right. Fumikage leaned back against the wall behind him. ‘Dark Shadow…’ he whispered. ‘Did you…feel that? In the dream?’ Within him, Dark Shadow stirred restlessly in response to their host’s bewilderment. ‘Mhm…but…Fumikage? Would it be weird to say I…miss it?’ they asked. That restlessness quickly turned solemn as Dark Shadow deflated a bit, wrapping themself protectively around Fumikage’s rib cage. The teen hummed quietly to himself in thought. ‘Well, as weird as it is, you aren’t alone. I don’t know why but…that dream world just felt so surreal. It was…at least compared to what we’re used to, amazing.’ Fumikage replied. He lay his head against the wall behind him as he felt tears in the back of his eyes. Dark Shadow seemed to mimic his movements in a way, as Fumikage felt them curl within themselves, hugging Fumikage’s ribs tighter. ‘I just want a new family…’ they said, barely a whisper. Fumikage felt tears slowly roll down his cheeks, soaking his feathers. It feels like every day that passes, Fumikage feels more and more isolated. More and more alone. It’s just him and Dark Shadow. It always has been. Fumikage thrives off of his quirk’s company. Dark Shadow is the only reason he’s kept a positive outlook on life throughout his last few painful years. If not for Dark Shadow, Fumikage’s life would have ended long ago. But even with Dark Shadow around, Fumikage couldn’t help but feel lonely. He wanted someone else to talk to. A human to talk to, because let’s face it, Fumikage’s social skills are…underwhelming. He never speaks unless he knows exactly what he’s going to say and when. He comes off more confident that way, because otherwise, he’d let his anxiety get the best of him.

Having a kind, caring family around, and having other people in general around, just made Fumikage feel safer. Even his foster siblings. They all despised him, but when they were around, his parents were less violent with him. There was always less expected of him when there were others around to steal all of the attention. But that didn’t mean Fumikage didn’t want attention, he just didn’t want negative attention. And every foster home he’s been in, year after year, has been exactly that.

He just wanted to feel loved, was that so much to ask?

Fumikage slouched back against the wall, only to quickly regret it as he felt a sharp pain shoot up his side. He sat back up with a groan. What exactly happened to him? He knows he blacked out at some point, but it was hard to tell what happened after. His body was numbed with pain; his back and arms were covered in burns that sting when touched, and he had a large, dark bruise right in the middle of his abdomen.

His memory of the previous night was cloudy, among other things, but he does faintly remember that sharp glint coming from his father’s knife. Fumikage put a hand to the source of the pain, feeling around for anything of interest. The closet was nearly pitch black, and as good as Fumikage was at seeing in the dark, he couldn’t do much other than carefully feel his wounds to make sure there isn’t anything too serious. But at this point, getting out of a punishment unscathed would be a miracle.

Fumikage ran his fingers across what felt like a gash along the side of his waist, approximating the length. He winced at the stinging pain, but kept going nonetheless. The wound went from just above his waist halfway up his chest. Pulling away he felt something warm and wet lining his fingers, which he could only assume was blood, given the stinging pain that shot through his body right after.

The teen let out a low groan in response, before wiping his bloody hand on his jeans. Slumping back against the wall, Fumikage looked as his blood stained hand. Even in the dark linen closet, he could still see the dark, smeared blood stain his palm and fingers. Suddenly he felt a surge of negativity rush through him, and he clenched his bloodied fist. Was it disgust? Frustration? Or just pure, justified, rage? It was always so hard, just trying to identify this one, burning, unbearable emotion. Fumikage felt it so often but could never tell what he was really feeling. Dark Shadow growled in reponse to their host, growing increasingly larger, metaphorically, desperately wanting to break free and release this unbearable surge of negativity. It didn’t take long before Fumikage boiled over, and slammed his fist against the wall behind him, causing the paint to crack and a dent to form in the wall. Fumikage looked to the wall next to him, and the result of his outburst. And just like that, he deflated, completely, and utterly, defeated. Defeated from what? It was hard to tell.

The teen choked out a sob, curling up within himself, burying his face in his knees.

Just one more day.

yeah. that’s it. short and painful sweet. no comments, bc i cant think of any. next part coming in uh….idk like a month? who’s to say lmao

I absolutely loved this!! I am so happy you shared this! The writing was phenomenal and this is such an interesting take on Tokoyami’s past. It has the perfect dose of angst~

I hope everyone else enjoys this as much as I did!

#bnha #tokoyami #tokoyami fumikage #tw child trauma #tw child abuse #tw pain #angst tw #angst #pain

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wehatejulietsimms · 3 years ago

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A/N: i'm gonna respond to this in sections bc it's quite long so bare with me.

Howdy y’all, 🤠 again. Yes, I didn’t in fact die. I’m sorry though that I kept getting sidetracked and couldn’t submit this until now, my boss decided to keep dumping her work into my lap. So I just wanna preface this by stating that I’m going to try and say what I want to as coherent as possible, but I have pretty severe ADHD so I’m not always as easy to understand as I think I am in my head, and I often go off on tangents, over explain things and circle back to topics randomly without realizing. Im basically going to go over their relationship over the years as I said previously (I’m not gonna go into detail about every single scandal and shitty thing Juliet did over the years, because we’d be here all year. so I figure I won’t cover them here, but rather let people ask specific questions if they want to. Remember, I was present for pretty much everything so feel free to ask.😊), but I’m also going to do kind of a mini deep dive into Andy’s behavior and actions (because although the snakes will hit you with every excuse in the book, and tell you that you’re looking too far into things and that it doesn’t matter, it does. The way a person acts in general and towards people around them is very relevant when talking about someone’s health, happiness, and well-being.) To start off, let’s take it all the way back to the time before Juliet’s reign of terror, when Andy and Scout were still together. In all honesty from what I saw of them together (and I saw pretty much everything they posted, I’m only a year younger than Andy, and I was quite into him when he was on MySpace and such, and I always watched anything with him and Scout together because they were fucking adorable lol) they had a really healthy relationship. Not once did I get weird vibes from them. The way Andy acted toward and with Scout, you could tell they really loved each other and were happy together. They had nothing to prove. It just was normal. (For any of you who are younger, or didn’t come into the picture until Andy was already post-scout and would like to see some videos of them together, you could generally search on YouTube for it, but also there’s a specific channel on there called like bring the milk tea or something that has videos of old Andy blogs and also Andy and scout on stickam and such. Worth a look if you’re curious) They weren’t constantly all over each other like possessive pack dogs *ahem Juliet ahem* and whenever Andy mentioned scout he didn’t need to shower her in compliments. They both seemed very secure in both themselves and the relationship. Super cute. Initially when they broke up it seemed quite odd. I didn’t really expect it. It got even weirder when he states that he and Juliet are together. It didn’t feel like they fit together at all (and no I’m not talking about from a fame or success perspective. At least not yet lol) As I’ve said I got bad vibes from Juliet right from the get go. Andy already seemed to be acting not like himself. (Also snakeys have argued that it’s just that he’s more mature now and that’s why he acts nervous and constantly looks Ike he wants to die. 🙄 maturity doesn’t mean losing your fucking personality and being unhappy most of the time. Jesus Christ.) it seemed like they got possessive of each other and constantly needed to show people how in love they were. Pictures, videos, and fucking public love paragraphs to show they are, in fact, in a super real relationship and they love each other. It also felt like Andy’s family was in on this whole weird charade.They (Chris honestly) started to defend her degenerate behavior and attack anyone who had even a whisper of negative things to say about her or their relationship. It was like watching a group of awkward, pretty mediocre actors put on a play about them being together. (I’ve hit the text limit now, but there will be more that I will write just after I submit this one though, fear not haha. N, you can either post this now or wait until I submit the rest, it’s up to you.) 1 / ? -🤠

A/N: i was here for a lot of it as well so i do remember some of this. although i did join the fandom shortly after him and juliet got together (i joined like around the time she was on the voice) i literally remember hoping that him and scout would get back together bc juliet just rubbed me the wrong way and i didn't know why at the time. & side note i actually do recommend people go look at old videos of andy and scout they were really adorable. there is this one video of them singing (i think a carrie underwood song lol) in the car and it's really cute. but yeah just bc he's older doesn't mean his whole entire personality changes. you can be any age and act however you want. i could even use jenna marbles & julien solomita (a youtube couple) as an example, they've been together for i think like 8 or 9 years and are about the same age as A&J (julien being around andy's age & jenna around juliet's age) & although they can have mature adult conversations and all of that, they still act like idiots and joke around together. neither of them look uncomfortable or are afraid of saying certain things like andy is around juliet. so andy aging doesn't mean shit in regards to his personality doing a 180.

🤠okay, so part two here we go. (Also I apologize if I get the chronological order of anything I talk about incorrect, I’m a bit scattered sometimes and the next ask I make will be the one where I talk about the domestic abuse and I tend to get quite heated, which only makes my brain function worse lol) so the point at which Andy was trying to get fans to go vote for/ support Juliet when she was on the voice seemed really fishy. I’m all for supporting the work of the people you love, but it’s kinda strange how hard Andy was pushing this at the time. Too hard in my opinion. I’m obviously aware that it was helpful in the end and he more or less got what he was asking for. But it was like he absolutely needed people to vote for her. As if he would get in trouble if they didn’t. So around 2012 or 2013 it felt like things really went down the shitter from there and just got progressively worse. (I never knew why for the longest time, but after they revealed that Vegas wedding that happened in about that time frame, it made a lot of sense.) Andy’s behavior began to change towards his fans. There are a lot of accounts of this happening from fans themselves and a lot of people said that 1. It was worse with Juliet around, and 2. a lot of the time it would happen towards females especially. ( I think more towards the “pretty” fans but don’t count me on that, I don’t know for sure.) This was completely night and day. Especially coming from the same man who used to always defend his fans and once stated something along the lines of he would never have a crazy or awkward fan story because he loves and is grateful for all of his fans and he won’t get upset if they’re just really excited. I would understand if these fans crossed the line in some way (like the later incident of fans finding his address and harassing them, which is unacceptable no matter who the people are) but from most if not all of the fan stories I’ve heard, they didn’t. They were being respectful and didn’t do anything to warrant this happening to them besides showing up. Which brings me to my next point, a lot of these negative experiences were caused by Juliet. Either she was the one being mean to people, she was causing Andy to be mean to people on her behalf, or her presence was upsetting Andy to the point that he was angry and started being rude and irritable. What scares me the most are the accounts of Andy having a whole Jekyll and Hyde thing, depending on weather or not Juliet was present. Happy when he’s free of her and miserable when he isn’t. In videos of him where Juliet is behind the camera he always seems nervous and strange. Like he’s afraid to mess up. That’s fucking alarming to say the least. You would think that the last thing one would want to do if another person brings them this much anger, stress, and anxiety, the LAST thing they would want to do is fucking marry them. Right? He literally started barely smiling at one point and really doesn’t anymore. I mean for Christ’s sake look at his wedding photos. What’s suppose to be one of the happiest moments of your life and to quote another anon with a different ask, he looks like he’s being dragged to the gallows. (And I get really fucking Angry honestly when snakeys tries to pass it off as “oh he’s awkward he doesn’t know how to smile” or “omg he’s being dramatic for the aesthetics” in some pictures, yes. But why the fuck would you look like that in pictures with the “love of your life” who you now regularly write cringy paragraphs publicly professing your love and complete adoration for? Andy knows how to smile genuinely. Ffs he used to. He smiled genuinely when he was a kid, he smiled genuinely with scout, and he smiled genuinely when Juliet wasn’t around. He doesn’t smile when she is there, and if he does, it is pretty much always visibly fake.) So I may backtrack a little later, but right now I want to talk about the fact that Juliet IS an abuser. More specifically, the plane incident. (Word limit. TBC.) 2 / ? -🤠

A/N: yes. 100%. when it comes to the wedding photos i will never understand people (specifically snakeys) writing off his behavior as him "just being dramatic for the aesthetics". is that something he would do in photoshoots? yeah. is it something he may do on stage? sure. something he would do in an interview? maybe. but candid shots of him on one of the "happiest days of his life"? wtf no. & idk why people think that.

🤠 Just before I start, again, with the pictures, I really don’t think that Andy is enough of a self absorbed egotistical dick that he would actually sit there and put on the whole “miserable tough guy” act in every fucking photo he takes. Ah yes, the infamous plane incident. So straight up, Juliet exposed herself as an abuser, and brought out every bullshit excuse in the book (and made Andy go along with them) to try to cover it up. 1. She was drunk. Honestly this is total bullshit. I say this same thing when people defend cheating or any other degenerate behavior with the excuse of intoxication and I will say it now. Being drunk does not make you a different fucking person. It does not change the thoughts in your head. What it does do is impair your ability to make decisions and judgement skills in general. It’s the same reason why people drive drunk. It’s routine. Its what they would normally do. And because they’re drunk, they can’t see any reason why they shouldn’t do that. Juliet gets drunk, she and Andy fight, she wants to hit him, and because she’s drunk she doesn’t think that she shouldn’t fucking put her hands on him. 2. She hit him in “self defense” and he broke her ribs.(There’s several points I have debunking this) first of all let’s get this out of the way, no one on that plane (including the very real witness who just so happened to be an adult film actress (I think?) who you so love to discount because of it) saw him strike her or even touch her at any time. Two, you are in fucking airplane seats sitting right the fuck next to each other with an armrest in between. It would be pretty fucking hard to break your ribs unless they were made of actual glass, or Andy’s real name is Bruce fucking banner. Bones are surprisingly strong and I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that it’d be damn near impossible for him to do that to you, which brings me to three, if he had broken your ribs you would not be fucking standing up, thrashing around, whining like a little bitch, and oh by the way, continuing to abuse your husband for the second time on that flight. Four, you had a miscarriage. (When I was trying to conceive with my husband it was very difficult. I had two miscarriages before I finally had my son. I’m fully aware of how devastating having one is.) which is why if you are not lying (which I fully believe that Juliet would stoop that low just to get sympathy, especially with this big of a scandal. But I don’t actually have proof of this so I will say that it is just speculation on my part) I don’t fucking care. I am not unsympathetic to her if this did actually happen as I said, however, You do not get to make any excuse for putting your hands on another person out of anger. Ever. I don’t care who you are, I don’t care what kind of stress you are under, I don’t care if you are inebriated in any way and I sure as hell don’t care what the fuck you have between your legs. You do not hurt anyone. Point blank period. Five. You are a woman, you can’t hurt him. This one, actually enrages me. We all know your crusty ass pulled this one out (and threw around trump supporters a few times for good measure) because you know damn well how society and the media views and deals with abusive women. Women can abuse. Women who are shorter or weaker than their target can abuse. The fact that there are people who either don’t know that or don’t agree with that is absolutely baffling. Six. The same (I believe) porn actress. Literally saw you beating your own face with the restraints you had to be put in (which by the way flight attendants only ever use restraints as an absolute last resort when someone becomes a danger to the others on board, so she had to be acting absolutely deranged) to give yourself a bloody nose to claim Andy hit you. Then you proceed to act like a child and tell Andy to call your fucking dad. (Which kinda proves that whole Scientology thing honestly) what in the hell. I stg as long as I am breathing I will never let this go. This is actual fucking domestic abuse. (Word limit TBC.) 3 / ? -🤠

A/N: yeah her hitting him "bc she was drunk" was never a good excuse not only for the reasons you mentioned but, also bc let's be real at no point are you ever going to get served enough alcohol on a plane to make you that drunk i don't care what anyone says. also when it comes to the excuse of him "breaking her ribs" does she forget that andy actually did break his ribs a while ago? i think she even visited him when he was recovering so she should know what kind of pain he was in. & if he actually broke her ribs, there's no way she would have even been able to stand bc i know andy sure wasn't able to. he said it was one of the most painful things he's experienced. (i don't think i need to comment on the rest of this. it would just be redundant. you hit the nail on the head with that.)

🤠 I don’t care if it happened just that one time ore more likely is an everyday occurrence. Abuse is abuse and should never be tolerated. Kind of getting away from the plane thing. Andy always seems, as it’s been said on here before, afraid to mess up. Like he might mess up, and make her mad. A common behavioral pattern in abuse victims. He also at this point and for a decent amount of time before, doesn’t seem like he loves her anymore. Like he keeps up appearances and pretends, but it’s like it’s a job he’s forced to do. He’s tired and burnt out but was probably manipulated into staying and juliet is probably clinging for dear life. Also I don’t know if I’m the only one who thinks this, but I swear, the veganism and sobering up was just a cover up, most likely formed by either Juliet herself or her fucked up family, after the plane incident to hide their tracks and regain some public favor (because you know, if you advocate for animal rights then you can’t abuse your husband 🙃) Andy never gave a shit before though. Even though it was unhealthy he loved to drink and smoke and was very outspoken about that. And he used to never give a fuck about eating meat or consuming animal products like leather. I mean they’re still selling leather goods ffs. I would get having minor fuck ups because you don’t know any better, but it’s fucking leather. And now Andy is unhealthy and miserable as ever, but the culprit is malnourishment and Juliet rather than cigs, alcohol, and Juliet. My final thoughts: I do definitely believe in the Scientology theory, but if not that than I definitely believe that Andy was and is being manipulated for his fame. On several occasions it really looked like they broke up, including the time when they did, and then said it was a joke. It really doesn’t feel normal. Also, Juliet doesn’t really care about Andy that much. She never wears her wedding ring, she sells all their shit, including sentimental items, and now that she’s gained more popularity from being with him, suddenly doesn’t want to put him in her bio or write him the same creepy ass paragraphs or anything. It’s fucked up how shes so keen to say she did it all herself when really she’s been riding dick for fame since before she even met Andy. It also always kinda seemed to me that Amy was kind of uncomfortable around Juliet. We all know that Chris loves to kiss her ass night and day (most likely to do with the Scientology thing “if” it’s true), but Juliet and Amy always seemed to have a weird relationship like it was tense and forced. Also I just want to mention the time that Juliet talked about screaming at the woman over what I believe was a game night and brushed it off as being competitive and no one gave damn. Fucked up. To finish off this already way too long little series, I think Andy is a very vulnerable insecure person who got manipulated by several people (not just Juliet) some of whom he probably really trusted, and they helped to get him in Juliet’s (equally if not more insecure) hands so she could hurt him as she pleases. I truly hope that even now both he, and his parents (even though Chris really grinds my gears) can get out of this whole shit show, relatively unscathed. I know this is probably pretty unlikely, but hope springs eternal I guess. As I said feel free to ask any questions you may have and I will try to answer them best I can. Thank you for reading. 4 / 4 -🤠

A/N: yet again you hit the nail on the head with this part so i don't need to comment too much. other than the fact that i do agree that juliet and amy's relationship does seem weird.

#submission #anonymous

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etherealino · 5 years ago

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problems – lmh

synopsis: you would always have problems on minho’s girlfriends. that was until you realized you were the problem.

genre: college au. f2l. fluff, angst.

warning(s): cursing, you might cringe at how cliché this is

word count: 6,920 omg pls be proud

a/n: bullet point form. i’ll write in bullet point if i can’t seem to find it in myself to write in a whole ass paragraph form. bear with me, this is the first time im actually posting a full ass fic hdfbdfj for skz, that is. please dont let me flop thanks :<

you and minho are the very best friends

since high school

you don’t even remember how the two of you became best friends

all you remember is that one day, you’re laughing so hard at his jokes

and ever since that, you two were inseparable

whenever minho’s absent, you would be on the corner sulking

other kids would be offering you to come with them

but no you wanted minho :((

but you also didn’t want to be rude so you end up going with them

lmao you

but when you were the one who’s absent, minho would be pouting all day

he won’t talk bcs he wants you to be the one whom he tells his stupid jokes to

but he would go with the other kids too

but he would still be pouting

when you both graduated, you both went camping

went to the highest place you both know

watched the sunrise together

but now you two are in college

it’s also when minho started to go out

every month, different girl

minho would always introduce them to you

minho’s eyes would always light up as you and the girl would talk

and when she leaves

minho would ask for your opinion

but you always answered the same

“my opinion doesn’t matter, go date who you want to.”

and minho would always response the same

he pouts

you don’t know why either

but you would always just find a problem

each

and

every

girl

dates

one was kinda mean

one was possessive of minho

one eats loudly (do that in front of me and i’ll kick you to mars)

one was too snobby

one was too shy

and everytime

it’s always the girl who breaks up with him

and everytime you ask him, he would response the same

“we just don’t click” and then minho would smile

and here you are now, in jisung’s dorm

ranting on him about a girl minho is now currently dating

you sat on his computer chair as he sat on his bed

you were a bit shrunk down

arms resting on the armrest

on thumb on your teeth as you looked at the ground

“are you sure she’s the problem?” jisung asks

you looked up at him, an eyebrow raised in confusion

“who else would be? minho? minho does nothing but to please the girl. it was irritating to watch. i could slap the hell out of her.” you said

you weren’t a war freak

but with minho, you could go into war just for him

jisung chuckles. “not minho.” jisung says and then he points at you

“me?!” you said. “why me?”

jisung smiles, “how the hell do you manage to find a problem in each and every girl minho dates?” jisung asks. “i mean, so far the most stupid i’ve heard from you was the girl was too kind. seriously, y/n.”

“but it was true! she was too kind, it’s too irritating. and when you look at her do her good deeds, it doesn’t even seem sincere.” you ranted, glaring at the ground

jisung looks at you. “are you hearing yourself?”

“obviously,” you said, rolling your eyes

jisung giggles. “seriously, y/n. think about it. how the hell do you manage to find a problem on each and every single girl that minho dates?”

you sigh, looking at the ceiling

“i just want someone who would treat minho right. i want someone who deserves him.” you said

“and what kind of girl is that?” jisung asks

“the opposite of the girls he dated.” you answered, looking at him

“you?” jisung says and you just stared at him

“what are you implying?” you asked

“that you’re in love with your best friend.” jisung says

you stared at jisung, silence falling the atmosphere as jisung only smiles at you

you were unable to speak

you never thought of that

but no, you’re not in love with your best friend

you’re just shocked that jisung would assume that

the silent atmosphere was mixed with a tension

you don’t know what to say

you don’t know what to do

“HELLO, JISUNG!” hyunjin greets as he slams the door open

you blinked twice, standing up as you picked your wallet and phone from the computer desk

“oh, hi, y/n.” hyunjin greets with a grin. “what are you talking about? minho again?”

there are times when hyunjin would be with you and jisung when talking about minho

and being honest, jisung and hyunjin were the ones who you trusted the most

other than minho

but mainly about the minho fiasco

hyunjin and jisung looked at each other

jisung smiling at hyunjin and then hyunjin gets it

“oh, finally realized that you’re in love with minho?” hyunjin asked

and you grabbed a pillow from jisung’s bed, throwing it at hyunjin

“i’m not in love with minho. ew.” you said, dramtically shuddering

“deny it all you want, everyone could see it, love.” hyunjin says, winking at you

jisung laughs and you lightly punch jisung on the arm

“i’ll be going now.” you said with a sigh

“good night, y/n.” jisung says

“good night, mrs. lee—i mean, ms. y/l/n.” hyunjin teasingly said

you punched hyunjin on his arm as you past by him

he dramatically falls on his bed, clutching on his arm

“ouch!” hyunjin shrieked

“good night, boys. thank you.” you said

“anytime.” jisung says as he stands up and tackles hyunjin on the bed

you giggle lightly as you closed the door of their dorm

you turn to the direction of your dorm

and you immediately plopped into your bed since you were on your pajamas already before you left to go to jisung’s and hyunjin’s

you thought to yourself as you lay there

are you really in love with your best friend?

you shuddered at the thought and turned to your side

you see the cat plushie minho gave you on your birthday

you sigh as you hugged it

you close your eyes as jisung’s word repeated again and again in your head

“are you sure she’s the problem?”

nonetheless, you let slumber take you

for weeks you watched minho go around, pleasing the girl

you could see right through minho that he gets irritated by it

but still he faced you with a smile

you were mad

what riled you up the most is when you and minho were having lunch together and she rudely went up to minho to force him to do her homework because she has to go out tonight

i repeat, force

not ask

you see minho look at her blankly

you trust minho enough to know his self-worth

“i can’t,” minho says. “i have my own homework.”

“so? do it both.” she says and minho rolls his eyes

“i can’t. i have a lot on my plate right now.” minho calmly says and she rolls her eyes

“have a lot on your plate?” she repeats and then she turns to you. “why do you keep hanging out with her—looking time to hang out with her if you ‘have a lot on your plate’?”

“not here.” minho grits as he shakes his head

minho’s girlfriend rolls her eyes and leaves the both of you

you were stunned, but you were so irritated

you could feel minho’s eyes on you but you looked down at your food

“i swear, she used to be nice when we first started dating.” minho says, probably read through you that you were getting mad

“i’m not mad at you, don’t worry.” you said and a sigh leaves your lips

“i don’t even understand. she used to be really nice.” minho says with a sigh

“i never saw it.” you admitted and minho looks at you

“when you introduced me to her, all you did was try and please her so she wouldn’t get pissed or something. i knew it from the very start.” you said and minho nods

“why didn’t you say anything?” minho asks

“i told you, it’s your life. date who you wanna date.” you said. “you probably must’ve seen something in her that i didn’t.”

it was the first time you voiced out to minho that you have a problem with his girlfriend

should you tell him about the past ones as well?

eh, it doesn’t matter

minho nods, understanding your point of view

later that night, you crashed once again in hyunjin’s and jisung’s dorm

“just admit it, y/n.” jisung says. “you’re in love with your best friend.”

“i don’t have anything to admit because that is not how i feel.” you said and hyunjin snickers

“i never heard any other problem from but minho.” hyunjin says and you stare at him

“well, he’s my best friend.” you said with a pout

“whom you’re in love with.” jisung says and you sigh, shaking your head

then your phone dings

you look down to see minho messaged

“can we hang out? are you in your dorm?”

you immediately stood up from jisung’s computer chair

hyunjin’s and jisung’s eyes on you

but you stopped your movements

you stare at minho’s message, then towards you, particularly at nothing

“what is it, y/n?” hyunjin asks

and then another ding

“hey, where are you? i’m outside your dorm.”

most likely, it’s another breakup

you would lie to yourself when you say that you’re not tired of it anymore

you’d always run to your dorm just to see if minho’s alright

you’d always drop everything that you’re doing just for minho

even if he just woke you up at 3 in the morning

you typed a reply, hitting send as you sat back on jisung’s chair

“i’m sorry, i can’t, min. :( i’m in my friend’s dorm. she needs help with something.”

if you were being honest, you’d always drop any friend that needs your help just to go to minho

you locked your phone, putting it in silent mode as you placed it on jisung’s desk behind you

you turned to hyunjin and jisung who were curious at your sudden movements

“so how have you guys been?” you asked them

“what happened, y/n?” jisung asks

“nothing, it’s just, hyunjin’s right.” you said and hyunjin raises an eyebrow. “enough about minho, enough about me. how are you two?”

hyunjijn and jisung looked at each other with doubt in their eyes

but they thought it was good for you to take your mind off of minho, too

so, they talked

“i woke up with a big lizard on my head.” jisung answers

the next morning you found out his girlfriend broke up with minho

it was the best for minho anyway

you hung out less with minho

but you still reserved lunch for him

but that was it

but it was also very hard

when minho happens to bump into you during your vacant

the thing you hate the most is most of your vacant is his as well

you only have one vacant that didn’t much with minho’s

so, you saved those time slots for minho

vacant periods and lunch

,,,,, and weekends

it was hard to avoid minho

you don’t even know why are you avoiding minho

so here you two are

saturday night after you both went around town to forget all the stress that college gives

you and minho were laying on your bed, bodies facing each other with an arm underneath your head, same with minho

watching three stooges

minho giggles loudly at one scene

“i remembered when you and i were messing around and then suddenly your index and middle fingers were coming for my eyes. i really thought you were going to hit my eyes.” minho says with his giggles that you love so much, your heartstrings tugging

what

“i got the trick from this movie.” you informed him and minho hums

“remember when i put chili in your—“

your eyes shifted on minho, seeing him with eyes close

breathing even

he was probably tired

he was the one who asked you to go out with him

but you were the one who got excited and drag him everywhere

minho was sleeping peacefully, the tv’s dim light was enough for you to see minho’s sharp features

unconsciously, but gently your fingers ran through his features

your fingers stayed longer on his lips

then your move your hand to his hair, brushing it back, revealing his forehead

he was fucking beautiful

you wanted to appreciate him, litter kisses all over his face as you cup his cheeks on your hands

but he wasn’t yours to appreciate

wait, fuck

oh, no

you are in love with your best friend

you woke up, eyes fluttering open

how,,,

did,,,

you,,,

end,,,

up,,,

in,,,

minho’s,,,

arms ???

minho’s arm underneath your neck, your head pressed on the crook of his neck

minho’s other arm around your frame, your arm was over his torso and your legs underneath the cover were tangled with each other

only two things could be heard in this very quiet morning

(1) minho’s quiet snores

(2) your pounding heart against your ribcage

it wasn’t that you and minho never cuddled

you did, a freaking lot

but there was something in this very cuddle session

it’s probably because of the feelings that you’ve discovered last night

fuck it

you closed your eyes, snuggles further into minho’s touch

you should just drink these moments up and savor it while it lasts

because you know you’ll never have minho likes this just because you want to

because just like that, minho belongs to someone

but that someone is not you

for what felt like minutes, when in reality an hour and half passed

minho finally woke up

you immediately untangled your body from minho’s pretending you were still asleep and you just moved to the other side

you kept your eyes close as you felt minho stretch his arms and limbs

“y/n?” minho groggily calls and you feel minho’s hand on your shoulder

minho looks at you and sighs

soon, you felt minho pulling away but his head lays on the curve of your body

minho stares at the ceiling, not knowing what to do

until he hears and feels your stomach grumble

minho giggles, turning to you again

“hey, wake up.” minho says as he lightly shakes you

actually, you were just partially pretending to sleep

because you’re actually getting sleepy again

you groaned

“come on, you’re hungry.” minho says, grabbing your wrist

minho’s hand come under your waist, lifting your upper body up so you would sit

then you opened your eyes

“eeeeeeh, minhoooooooooo,” you whined, a pout finding it’s way on your lips

minho chuckles

you don’t know if you were still sleepy and it was just your imagination

or it really did happen

but you think you saw minho almost lean in to kiss your lips

“wake up or i’m throwing you.” minho says and you stick your tongue out to him

“come on, let’s get breakfast. i’ll pay.” minho says and you whine louder

minho sighs, a soft smile displaying on his lips as he sat on your bed, pulling you into his lap as he tucks your head in his neck

you frown a bit as you felt your heart pound loudly again

minho’s hand come up on your arm, running up and down

fuck feelings

you pull away from minho smiling at him as you stood up

you fixed your hair and grabbed your phone

“you go have breakfast,” you said as you opened your phone to see the time. “i remember i promise a friend i’ll help with a project around 8 in the morning and it’s now 9.”

minho pouts, but nods as he stands up

“you’re not replacing me with that friend, are you?” minho says as he lightly pinches your cheek with his index and middle finger in a teasing manner but you could see the fear in his eyes

you shook your head. “never, minho.” you said with a soft smile

minho returns the smile, believing you

so you put your phone on your desk, going inside the bathroom to brush your teeth

luckily you have an extra so minho brushes his teeth as well

yes hygiene first

after, you grabbed your phone from your desk and wallet from your bag as minho grabs his things

you both went out of your dorm as you locked it

“bye, y/n,” minho says and he kisses your forehead

that’s the first time

it was probably because of the domestic-y theme you had since you both woke up

“bye, minho,” you said and starts walking to the opposite direction as you

you started to walk but you stopped, turning around

“min?” you called and minho turns around with a smile on his face, never leaving

his smile was contagious

you love it

“you know you’re my number one.” you said, smiling as you lightly tilt your to the side

minho chuckles, grinning at the ground

“and you know you’re mine.” minho says

you grin, extending your arm, pointing your index finger at him and winked at him

minho does the same and you turn around to go to your friend

which turned out to be jisung and hyunjin

yes, you lied to minho

because frankly, as much as you want, you don’t think you’re gonna last any longer with him acting like that

you arrived in front of jisung’s and hyunjin’s dorm, you knocked loudly

you waited and for another that passed no one answered

you knocked again, this time not stopping until it opens

when the door opens, it revealed a sleepy hyunjin

eyes half closed, hair ruffle with one ponytail to keep his bangs up

“what are you doing so early in the morning?” hyunjin mumbles

jisung groans as he presses his face into the pillow

“you two wanna get breakfast with me?” you said and hyunjin looks at jisung

jisung nods and stands up

“we’ll just go get change.” hyunjin says

“eh, don’t bother.” you said. “i’m in my pj’s, too.”

“yeah, everyone walks around in their pj’s. we’re in a compound of a university, no one will judge.” jisung agrees as he goes to the bathroom to probably brush his teeth

hyunjin whines and you roll your eyes

“you still look good even though you just got out of bed, jin.” you said

“r-really?” hyunjin asks and you look at him

he shoots a wink and you flick his forehead

classic drama queen, hwang hyunjin presses a palm on his forehead as he groans in pain

“yah—jisung, have you seen that?” hyunjin says as he momentarily looks at jisung’s way

you lightly giggle

a ghost of smile on hyunjin’s lips as he turns around from you to go brush his teeth

soon, the three of you strolled around the university’s compound

settling for a vintage dinner

as you can see i really love vintage lmao

just as you expected, the customers were students that are in their pj’s as well

you settled in one booth, hyunjin beside you and jisung across you

you all ordered and soon the food was on your table

“so, how’s the date with the boyfriend?” jisung asks in a teasing manner

“it was not a date and he is most certainly not my boyfriend.” you answered and pouted

“what’s with the pout?” hyunjin asks and your eyes remain on your lap

“you guys were right.” you mumbled

“with?”

“i’m in love with him.” you mumbled and you looked up at the two boys who just stared at each other

pretty soon jisung is sliding a cash towards hyunjin

“what’s that?” you asked

“i won,” hyunjin grins and jisung rolls his eyes

“with?” you asked

“we had a bet about you,” jisung says

“about?”

“how long will it take for you to admit it.” hyunjin answers

and you looked at them back and forth

“you made a bet about me?!” you exclaimed

and they both snort

“that’s okay,” hyunjin says

“you make bets about me, too.” jisung says

“and me.” hyunjin adds

you looked at them in disgust, jokingly

“so, tell us what happened.” jisung says

and so you did

everything that happened from last night up to earlier this morning

they both listened attentively

“he feels the same way.” hyunjin says after you told them the whole story

jisung nods, agreeing

“don’t be silly.” you said

“there are times when i see you with minho but you two seemed to be enjoying with just the two of you that’s why i never greet you when you’re with him.” jisung says

“shut up, we’re just really that close.” you said

“when you two are talking and then you both start to laugh, minho randomly grabbing your hand and lightly tugging at it excitedly?” hyunjin points out

“holding your hand when walking together?” jisung points out

“randomly hugging you out of nowhere as if he never saw you for thousands of years?”

“having his arm around you when crossing the road?”

“he never gets tired of you, too.”

“he’s also really clingy of you.”

“well, i’m clingy, too!” you defended

“but he can never stay away from you.” jisung says. “stop denying it, y/n.”

“but why is he dating other girls?” you asked

“that’s what you need to find out.” hyunjin says. “confront him before it’s late again.”

ever since hyunjin and jisung pointed things out

you realized, minho really is touchy towards you

but it wasn’t the kind where you get uncomfortable

it’s the kind where it makes you feel safe

but it always left you wanting for more

he wasn’t even like that with his girlfriends

just with you

for months, it went like that

minho didn’t introduce you to any girl for 3 months

you’re surprised yourself, but you know it’s not going to last long

and you know that when the time comes, it’s going to hurt this time

“hey, you okay?” the boy in your thoughts coming to life as he takes the seat across you

you only stared at him, cheek on palm, arm supporting your head, elbow on the table

so minho mimics you

you sigh and minho pouts

“hey,” minho says, reaching a hand out to your elbow. “you okay?”

you nod, dropping your hand to the table and minho is quick to catch it

he massages your hand and you smile at him

“what is it?” minho asks, his voice full of concern but still it makes you feel safe

“nothing, they just gave a lot of homework and it pissed me off.” you lied with a giggle

minho smiles, nodding

“i can help you if you want.” minho offers as he puts your hand softly on the table

“it’s okay,” you said. “the deadline is not even tomorrow.”

minho nods and you both let the comfortable silence take you in

you were lost in thought once more about the boy in front of you

you suddenly flinched when a cat jumped beside you

but you relaxed soon, patting the soft head of the feline

minho smiles at you as you got entertained with the feline

then you suddenly looked up, seeing hyunjin

you suddenly raised your other hand to wave at him with a grin on your face

hyunjin waves lightly, shooting you a wink as he gestured towards minho

you stuck your tongue out to him and he puckers his lips lightly as he giggles to himself

you smile as you watched hyunjin turn his back to you and walk to where he’s supposed to

“who was he?” minho asks, but you failed to notice the reluctance in his tone to ask

“hyunjin.” you answered as you kept on petting the feline

“hwang hyunjin?” minho asks and you nod. “you two seem close.”

“we are!” you said with a smile, but your focus is still on the cat

“how?”

“he’s my friend’s roommate.” you answered. “you know, my friend jisung?”

“oh.” minho says

you failed to notice how minho’s smile immediately wipe out of his face when you waved enthusiastically at hyunjin

when minho saw hyunjin wink at you

minho was just :|

was hyunjin flirting with you? minho could only sigh as he looks down, lost in his thoughts

you knew there was something wrong with minho

he wasn’t as teasing anymore

he isn’t as smiley as he was

he isn’t as jokeful as he was

it felt like he was a whole new person

even though he never stopped hanging out with you, it felt like he wasn’t really hanging out with you

for a week, it felt like you were hanging with someone else and not minho

you just didn’t want to pry him into telling you with what’s happening

so you let him be for now

but after two days, you just can’t function properly without minho

by lunch, you immediately went straight to the cafeteria

you see minho in your usual seat

you were walking up to him

but you halted when you see a girl slid in on the seat you would always sit on

minho’s eyes lit up, smile wide as he looks at the girl

just great

hurt

bad

did minho purposely avoid you and have dated another girl without telling you?

he would always tell you about it even if they’re just a minute into the relationship

why was minho even avoiding you?

“y/n!” someone called and you turned around

with the call of your name, minho’s attention was grabbed

his eyes immediately were on you and the guy who called you

you looked down, as you looked at the books that your arms were hugging

you looked up to see hyunjin who had a wide smile

but it was immediately wiped out

“why-why are you crying?” hyunjin stutters and you immediately have a hand reaching to the corner of your eye

you were crying

hyunjin’s gaze shifted on what you were possibly looking at

then, he locks eyes with minho

hyunjin sees the girl who confusedly looked at minho and then follows minho’s gaze

hyunjin immediately grabs your books and grabs your wrist, dragging you somewhere

you see hyunjin heading for the dorms

and soon enough, hyunjin was opening the door of their dorm

hyunjin put your books on his bed, taking his phone out immediately to text jisung

after 15 minutes max, jisung enters the dorm and was quick to see you on his computer chair

“what happened?” jisung asks

“i just saw y/n crying and then when i looked at where she was looking before i came, i saw minho with another girl.” hyunjin explains

“i’ve anticipated it and prepared myself for it, but it just hurts so bad.” you said as you looked away from your friends

hyunjin and jisung slowly comes to you

“i was so confused when he became distant the week before, i was gonna go to him when i saw her sit with him.” you continued and they looked at you with sympathy

you pouted, tears streaming down your face as you think of minho with that girl

“l-let’s go out,” jisung stutters, not sure if it’s a great idea. “we don’t have classes anymore, do we?”

you and hyunjin shook your heads

“let’s take minho off that pretty mind of yours.”

it…

was..

the..

worst..

everything

and i mean, everything reminded you of minho

everything that you two used to do

the arcade

you and minho would always play rock paper scissors on who would pay

the movie theater

you and minho would always go to it, but one of you would always end up sleeping

the samgyupsal places

you and minho have eaten in each and every samgyupsal place in town already

the ktv

every song that hyunjin and jisung selected were the songs minho would always yell sing his heart out to

hyunjin and jisung came into conclusion that going out was: useless

you, hyunjin and jisung were walking back to the dorms

when you passed by a convenient store

“hey,” you weakly said and they both looked at you

“you wanna grab some soju?” you asked them

it’s a saturday tomorrow anyway

,,,,,there’s no minho that would hang out with you

the thought of it makes you wanna curl up in a ball

right here, right now

hyunjin and jisung nods

and the three of you enter the convenient store to buy bottles of soju

luckily, you were bringing a large ass bag

so you were able to hide it as you entered the university

you said you would just go to your dorm to change into your pajamas

jisung offered to go with you

so you both went to your dorm

you changed into your pj’s and an oversized shirt

,,,,,which was minho’s

but jisung and hyunjin didn’t have to know that :)

you grabbed the cat plushie on your bed and jisung offers to bring the bag of soju

you both went to their dorm

then you waited for hyunjin and jisung as they changed into their own pj’s

they got some snacks

and then you three had finally had the first shot of the night, bumping your shot glasses with each other’s

you three talked about the most random things

a shot became two, then became three, then finally you don’t even remember anymore

you, hyunjin and jisung fell asleep on the floor

you woke up with your head pounding, a knocking on the door making it worse

you, hyunjin and jisung were on the floor, circling around the bottles of soju

one arm was hugging your cat plushie

other arm was extended with your hand holding your phone

then the knocking started again

you winced, the pounding of your head getting worse than ever

jisung and hyunjin groaning

hyunjin rolled underneath his bed while jisung grabbed the pillow under his head and covered his head with it, trying to block the noise

you stood up, eyes squinting as you dropped your phone and plushie on the ground

you walked up to the door

your hand reached to the door knob, unlocking it and opening the door

minho was standing on the other side and before you could even process it was him, you were turning around to walk to hyunjin’s bed, thinking it was just jisung’s and hyunjin’s friend

you turn your head back as you realized it was minho

then you turned to him full body

“minho,” you mumbled. “what are you doing here?”

“we need to talk.” minho says.

“about?” you mumbled as you leaned on the door, hands playing with the doorknob

if only you and minho weren’t on a serious situation right now, he most definitely thinks that you’re cute

“the message you sent me.” minho answers and your eyebrows scrunch in confusion

you looked at your friends and then back to minho

wait, oh no

“jisung, hyunjin,” you called and the two giggled in a drunk way. “i’m giving the two of you an advice and that is, never fall in love.”

“does it hurt?” hyunjin says as he rests his head on your lap

“it does!” you giggled and jisung pouts at you as he pats your head as if you’re a dog

“i’m thinking,” jisung says

“that’s not good,” hyunjin teases as he gets off of your lap and you giggle

“the three of us should get a shared house, then y/n wouldn’t have to go back and forth to her dorm and ours.” jisung says and you clap, nodding

“yes! yes! let’s just stay together.” you said

“but you would leave your best friend all alone!” hyunjin says with a pout on his lips. “minho, right? yeah! at least say goodbye to him.”

“are we moving tomorrow already?” you asked and hyunjin shrugs, giggling

“let’s!” jisung says. “go say goodbye to minho, y/n!”

“okay!” you said

“pour everything! tell him how you feel and all.” hyunjin giggles and you grab your phone, stumbling over a bit

you dialed minho’s never that even despite you were inebriated, you still memorize it

you lay on your back, hugging the cat plushie on your arm

other hand is pressing the phone against your ear

you scoffed, “voicemail.”

“minho! my best friend. i just called to say that i will be moving tomorrow with my friends, jisung and hyunjin! it would be rude if i don’t say goodbye to my best friend which is you!” you giggled

even a dumb person would know that you’re drunk

“but i would like to confess, too. i am so in love with you. it hurts so bad to see you with that girl earlier today. i would always tell you that my opinion doesn’t matter, go date who you want, but honestly, i never, ever liked any single girl you’ve went out with.

“one is too rude, the other too possessive, the other one was too kind, the other one did nothing but still, i don’t like her! i didn’t even know why. that was until jisung and hyunjin told me that i am in love with you.

“i denied it at first, but when we were watching three stooges and you fell asleep, my heart beat so loud, i thought you were going to wake up on how loud it was. i realized then that i was in love with you from the very start.

“you know, if only you asked me out a long time ago, you probably wouldn’t have gone through lots of heartbreaks as you did. i would’ve tried to be the perfect girlfriend for you. i would never do anything to hurt you, you know. your last girlfriend was too rude. it was honestly irritating to watch you go around and please her.

“don’t feel guilty, though. you’re still my best friend, but i have to keep my distance from you for now.” by now, tears were streaming down your face. a soft sob left your lips and you clamped your hand over your mouth as you sob

“i’m so in love with you.” you continued. “but i’ll try to be over it as soon as possible. i hope your new girl treat you well. remember, you’re my number one, always.

“good night, minho.” you said and ended your voicemail.

you cuddled with your plushie and hid your face on it as tears streamed down

you feel jisung patting your head and hyunjin on your legs

you clamped your hand over your mouth, pushing the door, slamming it on minho’s face as you remembered everything last night

you sigh, putting your hands over your face

fuck, fuck, fuck, you fucked up big time

jisung and hyunjin groaned loudly but you didn’t care right now

“y/n, please, we have to talk.” minho says and you turn your back on the door, leaning against it

your hands on your face, frustrated as you don’t know what to do

“how’d you know i was here?” you asked

“i went to your dorm, but when you weren’t answering, i used the spare key you gave me and you weren’t there and i came here only to ask them where you are, but here you are.” minho answered

you feel like crying again

how could you be so stupid?

“minho, please, go away.” you said

“no, let’s talk about this. we have to talk about this.” minho says

“i don’t want to.” you said

“i’m not going away, y/n.” minho says

you pull your hands away to see jisung looking at you

“who is it?” jisung asks as he stands up

“minho,” you said and jisung walks up to you, grabbing your shoulders and rubbing them comfortingly

“y/n, please, let’s talk.” minho says and frankly, you could hear the desperation in his tone

“not now, please.” you said and minho sighs

“please?” minho mumbles

you shook your head, looking up at jisung

jisung’s eyes screams that you need to talk to him

“y/n, you have to.” jisung says

“but i don’t want to.”

“running away is not going to fix this.” jisung says as he grabs your shoulder, pulling you forward as he opens the door

he shoots minho a smile, which minho gratefully returns

“jisung, please,” you said

“y/n, talk to him.” jisung says and you shake your head. “he’s your best friend, what could go wrong?”

everything. minho could dump you and throw your whole friendship away

as if reading your mind, jisung says, “you’re important to him, he won’t throw your friendship out of the window just like that. okay? do what you should’ve done a long time ago. talk to him.” jisung says

your shoulders slump, giving up as jisung lets go of your shoulders

jisung pushes you gently of the door and smiles at you

he closes the door and you look at the ground

then, you felt minho turning you around to face him

he wraps you in his arms, placing your head on his neck

“i could never do that, you know.” minho mumbles and you just let him be

you didn’t move, you didn’t speak

you wanted him to go first

“you’re an idiot, y’know?” minho mumbles and you sigh, nodding. “she’s not my girlfriend, dummy.” minho says. “i don’t even know who she is, she was just asking if she could share the table and i agreed, i don’t want to be rude.”

“then why were you so distant these days?” you mumbled

minho pulls away and looks at you

“wanna know the real reason of my breakups?” minho asks and you sighed, nodding. “they kept on making me choose between them and you, naturally, i would’ve picked you.”

you looked down. “you know, if you really genuinely liked them, you could’ve just picked them and talk to me, i would’ve understood, y’know.” you mumbled

“listen,” minho says with a light laugh, cupping your cheeks as he made you look up at him. “the recent one hit me the most, though.”

“why?”

“she told me to stop dating everyone if my heart belongs to you.” minho says and you looked at him in pure confusion. “it won’t click if i keep on forcing myself to like someone else knowing it was you all along.

“for years, i kept on dropping hints that i’ve liked you for so long until it became deeper. but you didn’t seem to notice, so i started to date other girls because you only see me as a best friend and nothing more.

“but i was stupid, too. i thought you and hyunjin were flirting with each other and i got jealous that’s why i got distant.”

stupid minho, stupid you

equally stupid

“i’m sorry for hurting you all this time, y/n.” minho says and you look into his eyes as he looks into yours. “give me a chance and i promise i will never ever hurt you.”

“i’m sorry, too,” you said. “for being stupid.”

“that’s okay, i was, too.” minho says as he lightly laughs

you wrap your arms around his waist and minho kisses your forehead.

“so, what do you say?” minho asks. “will you be my girlfriend or should we go through another phase of denying our feelings?”

you giggle, looking down as a blush crept through your cheeks

“i think the best option is the first one.” you said as you look up at him and smile

minho looks at you as he places his hand on the your lower back

“can’t resist your number one, can’t you?” minho says teasingly as he looks at you with a smile

he shoots you a wink and you chuckle

“you really don’t know how wink, do you?” you teased and minho rolls his eyes

“can we please focus on more important things like me flirting with you?” minho asks and you laughed

“get to the part where you ask me if you can kiss me!” you said with a giggle and minho tries his best not to laugh, but he still grins at you widely

“well, can i kiss you?” minho asks and you nod

“by all means, go.” you said and minho leans in

you stare into his eyes as he gets closer

when he was an inch close, he pulls away

“are you sure?” minho asks, teasing you

“yes, now hurry up!” you said with a frown

minho leans in again, when your breath mingles

“are you really sure about this?” minho whispers

“more than anything,” you whispered back as you place a peck on his lips

minho smiles, looking at your lips as he dives in for a breathtaking kiss that you’ve been waiting to have

you pulled away lightly, your lips still brushing against his

but minho whines

you chuckle and minho takes the reins, not being able to take your teasing

minho kisses you on the lips, smiling against your lips as you do to

and soon, you two are grinning, making it hard to kiss

you look into minho’s eyes, smiling

“you really do hold the universe in your eyes.” you say as you have hand running up and down soothingly on minho’s back

“that’s your reflection, babe.”

omg, i hope that wasn’t so bad i was so scared to post this. thank you for reading, i hope you like it :(( uwu <3

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emilycollins00 · 4 years ago

Text

Muku + Azami headcanons

For lovely @skateboarding-poet!

It’s my first time writing a rareship but I had so much fun! These two are just so precious, I love them to pieces. Please enjoy! 💕

This ship is basically nonchalantic innocence meets bubbly dreamland and is gorgeous.

Azami might not get why Muku likes reading shojo so much, but while he can feel he’s going to hell just from hearing all the indecent things his boyfriend has read... he won’t judge too much overall.

Muku likes them and they are important to him, so now they are important to Azami too within certains limits of course

Others are not extended the same courtesy though, a.k.a Sakyo

Both of his personalities are pretty calm and chill so whenever they go on dates it’s all about walking around Veludo to shop for make-up and books, visiting animal cafes or just staying at the dorm in each other’s rooms.

Muku adores listening to Azami’s voice. He also discovers Azami tends to hum whenever he’s in a good mood so the summer troupe member will usually peak over the manga he’s reading, his heart skipping a beat at the soft sounds.

I also feel like Azami is not really one to expect praises out of nowhere, so when Muku starts compliment him -as the ball of sunshine he is with no filter whatsoever-.

“...Need something?”

“Oh,no! I was just thinking I really love your eyes Azami-kun, they are beautiful!”

Azami can never anticipate those and becomes an absolute mess.

On a similar note I don’t think Azami is a looks person as much as he is a personality person, but he can’t deny just how pretty Muku is??

Everyone in Mankai can see his eyes softening while unconciously staring at the pink-haired helping Izumi with the dishes or laughing at Misumi’s antics and it’s so blatantly clear how in love he is.

Kisses are too much for Azami’s heart at the beginning of their relationship though, maybe a peck on the cheeks in private but he’s NOT a pervert okay??

The first time Muku ever reached out to held Azami’s hand, boy swore his heart stopped.

“Wha-! A-at least wait until we are married dammit!”

“R-right, I’m sorry! I just thought that- um, your hands always look so soft b-but of course my hands are sweaty and they-”

Before he finishes, a pinkie intertwines with his. Muku has never seen the boy’s ears in such a red color “Azami-kun?”

“Just don’t look at me, okay?. God this is so...”

After the initial shock, Muku squeezes back giggling.

Later that night, both are still glancing at their own pinkies in their respective rooms and im soft about it.

Of course the whole yakuza family knows Muku by now wouldn’t expect less and you better believe that boy will be protected for life. The Sakisaka’s also adore Azami who brings them the best skin products choosen with the utmost care.

Muku asking opinion to Azuma, Yuki and Sakoda gift ideas for Azami for being always so attentive but he’s so lost.

CDs?? Make up? ah, but make up is expensive, and what if he already has them or worst what if he hates them or-

In the end he makes wool felt dolls of them with Omi’s help.

“A-as I thought it’s really childish, right? I’m sorry I should have just-!”

“Are they for me”

“Uh?”

“The dolls” Azami takes the one that looks like Muku and glances at the young boy.

“Oh! um- yeah!”

The dolls are now sitting next to each other in his desk and NO ONE is allowed to touch them.

Anyway, Muku going starry-eyed whenever he sees Azami’s skills in action.

Also, whenever Azami gets injured or he just genuinely feels tired from rehearsals, Muku takes his hand unconsciously and places a kiss on it and Azami becomes a blushing mess right away.

But in general Muku knows just how reserved Azami is in the romantic aspect and won’t push him out of his comfort zone until he’s comfortable.

Still, Azami will be more likely to show PDA if he senses Muku needs a comforting presence, tiny kisses in his forehead are a must.

All in all it’s a quiet and slow love, but neither of them would change it for anything.

Extra!

Azami had never been good at showing his feelings, or at least that’s what he heard from others since he was young- deadpan face was it?- he didn’t remember much.

Reality though was quite the opposite. He always seemed to feel too much, respond too quick in waves of emotions. His determination and strong fuse if pressed wrongly often gave him troubles so he opted to lay low, or at least, that was before he entered Mankai.

And then- god, then there was Muku, who had amplified those feelings beyond what he thought it was possible.

Much to Azami’s own surprise due to their evident views on love and its approach, the pink-haired boy had become someone who was eager to learn everything about him, who accepted both the good and the bad. Someone who accepted his passion and pride.

“Azami-kun, you are amazing!”

Of course he had fallen in love.

. .

It was a fuzzy feeling whenever lights were out for the day and Azami still got messages from the young summer member, even if they had said their goodbyes half an hour ago before heading to their respectives rooms. It was the Muku who started them most of the time, usually to rant on him about the last story he was reading in a failed attempt to warm Azami up towards that hell of a perverted genre, but he would lie if he said he hadn’t gotten used to them.

His phone vibrates, a light signaling a new message once again.

What do you think, won’t you consider it? It’s one of the best I’ve read!

Azami rolls his eyes, but there’s a fond smile on his face. His thumb scrolls down softly over the five continuous paragraphs -new record, he also noticed- that consisted the review of Muku’s manga before texting back.

Already told you. Just find me one where there’s no kissing, holding hands or any of that perverted stuff you and that shitty old man enjoy and then I’ll read it.

He could practically visualize the pout forming on Muku’s face as he read his response.

But that kind of shojo manga isn’t romantic at all!

He chuckles. Being in a relationship before marriage was something he had swore wouldn’t happen to him. But his feelings for Muku were real, and he wouldn’t changed them for the world.

Checking the time, he saw it was getting late- they shouldn’t cut more hours for their skin to rest. He was about to write back to notify Muku of his plans to go to sleep when he saw an audio. Turquoise eyes frowned as he tilted his head confused. Muku had never sent him audios before, mainly because they saw each other every day.

He laid back, resting his head on the pillow and clicked on it, vaguely curious.

There it was, that characteristic bubbly voice Azami had learned to distinguish, quieted down probably to not bother Kazunari. Just what-?

“Sweet dreams, Azami-kun”

He definitely jolted and quickly turned to Sakyo’s side, containing his breath until he noticed the annoying snores from his bed. All compose had left him in those three seconds the audio lasted, and Azami swears his chest did a backflip on its own.

“What the hell...?”

Muku really wasn’t aware of the weigh of his own words.

He stares at the phone, his mind registering what had just happened. Then, as if in a trance, he’s barely aware of his actions before his finger presses the audio again- just one more time.

“Sweet dreams, Azami-kun”

One more time.

“Sweet dreams, Azami-kun”

One more time.

“Sweet dreams-”

One more time.

He could feel the sound of his smile over the phone. The way he drew out his name, so full of affection. His tone was warm and light, and how was he supposed to sleep now, Azami didn’t know.

Groaning, the autumn member covers his face with the back of his hand. Shit, he’s so embarrassed he can feel the heat growing on his cheeks and ears.

He rolls on the bed, taking a quick glance at the few photos of Mankai Omi gave him once to decorate the empty wall. A special warmth showers Azami when he makes contact with those purple eyes, always gentle. They looked back at him with a softness he had rarely encountered before and a smile that made his heart once again leap on his chest.

Oh, he was so done.

“He’s gonna kill me…he’s gonna fuckin’ kill me…”

And yet, he played it once again.

__________________________________________________________

Wishing everyone a wonderful day! 💕

#a3 act addict actors #a3 #a3 act #a3! act! addict! actors!#a3! azami #a3! muku #muku sakisaka #azami izumida #mukuaza

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michaelbjorkwrites · 5 years ago

Note

in everything i have been working on, i find myself with well constructed characters, good plot and story lines, but i have trouble with transitions. example- from bedtime to the next morning, or simply skipping time that has mondane, everyday tasks that nobody really needs to see aside from stretching out the story further. im talking about in my comics and my written stories. any advice? btw, i am 17 and still trying new things out, so i'll take as much advice as you can give!

How do you write scene transitions?

Yo! Thanks for reaching out. I usually break down scene transitions into two categories:

Explained

Implied

Explained Transitions

In explained transitions, you directly address the passage of time or change of place with words. For example:

Later that day…

After doing her chores…

The next morning…

In the kitchen, he…

Back at the apartment, she…

These work well at the beginnings of paragraphs or the beginning of a new scene.

They can be a clear, direct way to establish a new location or time while cutting unnecessary info. For example, if your character is sprawled in bed, hungry, and you want them to go get a snack from the kitchen, you don't need to show their entire journey through the bedroom door, down the hall, etc. You can just show them standing up from the bed, and then start the next paragraph with something like, "In the kitchen, he found a bag of chips and opened a Coke." Readers can fill those kinds of gaps.

Implied Transitions

This would be the "show, don't tell" approach to transitions, and all you really need to do is lead with an action, description, statement, or line of dialogue that implies the time and/or place has changed.

For example, if the previous scene ends with your character, Charlie, (or so I've chosen to name him) falling asleep, kick off the next scene with an alarm blaring, or with the sun waking him up through the window. Both clearly indicate time has passed.

Or let's say you want to show a bigger time gap. If you want to show Charlie at the breakfast table the next morning, bantering with his best bud of all time, Maverick, you could open the scene by describing burnt toast popping up in the toaster.

Or you could open with a line of dialogue, like Maverick saying, "Charlie, man, you look like shit."

Or you could begin with a generalized statement about the new context, like, "Charlie loved breakfast so much, it often made him cry."

And after that initial lead-in, proceed to establish the rest of the scene.

Really, a good way to think about most implied transitions is this: start with a narrow focus on something that's different or doesn't match with the previous scene (which implies time has passed), and then expand your focus outward to establish the rest of the new context.

Remember to use both types of transition

Don't feel like you need to swear fealty to one type of transition or the other. Your stories will always include a combination of both, so just be ready to use whichever works best in each situation.

The one downside is I’m pretty sure these tips will only work for writing, so they may not help with your comics. For guidance there, I'd suggest grabbing some of your favorite graphic novels and taking notes whenever time skips or a scene transitions. Look for patterns in the way the artist navigates time, and copy their methods for yourself.

Hope that helps! Good luck!

Best,

— — —

Hey there! My name’s Mike, and I’m a writer & copywriter with an MFA in fiction. For tips on how to hone your craft and nurture meaningful stories, follow my blog.

Also, asks are open!

#writeblr #writing tips #writing advice #writers of tumblr #asks open #asks and answers

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wychive · 4 years ago

Text

𝙪𝙣𝙨𝙥𝙤𝙠𝙚𝙣 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙨

summary // you found your pile of ‘letters’ to hyunjin that contain thoughts that have never been said and decided to write to him one last time.

pairing(s) // hyunjin x gn!reader, hyunjin x oc, slight minho x reader

genre(s) // angst, letter fic

warning(s) // mentions of food, themes of being forgotten, vulgar wording, humiliation, overthinking

word count // 2.0k

author's note // happy birthday @noya-sannnn !! im sorry this was so late hhh you know how i am irl,, but i hope you enjoy this! i love you so much, jane <3 i apologize for the many grammar mistakes gn. i recommend listening to iu’s ending scene while reading this! btw y/n/n means your nickname.

[10/01/14, 3:55am]

dear jinnie,

hi there! it's y/n <3 i hope you're doing okay - i mean of course you are pfft anyways, just writing this short letter (more like paragraph) sort of as a venting mechanism? for things i cant tell you about lol im not so sure how you would call it, since you're so much better at words than i am. basically were like:

hyunjin: ow a brain freeze!

me: haha brain go brrrr

anyways haha yea <3 it's 4am so like,, ill see you at school!

signed,

your loser,

y/n/n

[15/02/14, 12:34am]

yo heartthrob!

im back with this kinda stuff haha it's been a whole? week? since ive written one of these so like yes..hi! i just wanted to say thanks, for today. you really know how to cheer me up huh? you really outdid yourself by setting up that little picnic for us. congrats on making the strawberry cake so perfectly <3 this day will always stay as a core memory in the back of my brain. you're too caring sometimes,,, istg you'll pay for this [maybe hugs?] >:)

signed,

your partner in crime,

y/n/n

[30/02/15, 01:29am]

jinnie-senpai~~

LMAO you hate me calling you that, doesn't change a thing though. hehe,, nways i hope you enjoyed your birthday present :) i got you that really cool skateboard that you wanted. i worked my ass off for that in my mother's garden so like,, you gotta thank me for that a thousand times :D nah jk, its a sincere gift, from me to you. i rarely do this for ANYONE so consider yourself lucky to have a best friend like me -3- also, seungmin is like….kinda the cutest person ever. introduce me to him pls, thank!

signed,

<your bestest friend3,

y/n

(p.s. you're kinda cute too,,,, ig,,, still stinkee tho)

[13/04/15, 9:04pm]

hey 'baby' (HAHAHA ihy for this)

i hope your day was okay! i didn't see much of you today (which was sort of a bummer but wtv) so like…. uh yea. you told me you were doing okay over text, which kinda surprised me because like?? we always video call lol this is kinda the first time,, but its okay, i trust you! (i really hope youre doing alright tho, i'll beat anyone up if they make you sad >:( ) you also called me 'sweetheart' today which was like…. omg wtf haha????????? that was so weird to me for some reason… a good kind of weird :D we haven't done those kinds of nicknames in a while so…. happy to know that they're back in session <3 i talked to the new girl today, she's really cool! like she knows the bean song on tiktok so like its a total win heh, ill introduce you to her tomorrow! you'll love her a lot

signed,

your 'lover',

y/n/n

[08/06/16, 10:23pm]

hey howl (hehe go back to that movie night we had)

this spring break sucks so much,, esp because youre not here (you still couldve brought me along :'[ ) but wtv i hope youre enjoying yourself. ive been hanging out with yeonnie lately and i found out she likes conan grey too like pls i love her sm. can we adopt her?? please???? she told me you guys have been video calling too and that makes me so happy!! you two are getting along so well aaa my precious babies </3

what if you developed a crush on her? haha…..jk unless?? (no jk dont shes all mine, stay away >:) ) anyways, i hope the three of us hang out soon. maybe go to that ice cream parlour where they serve the best cookies and cream?

signed,

your daisy,

y/n/n

[19/07/15, 01:23am]

peepee poopoo hello

heyheyhey!! (heh, haikyuu thingz) i hope youre doing okay! i mean sure you are, with everything going so well. also i feel like you're not telling me something. maybe it's just me? is it? i hope it is because you tell me everything,, we've been talking less these days but its okay! i know how busy you are, especially with your dad always bugging you,,

also, i think yeonbin likes you :0,, she keeps talking about you whenever we hang out. don't get me wrong, its not bad that she likes you but...something doesn't feel right. i feel like i'm being the third wheeler here and like ugh idk. haha laughs yea i think its just me.. im sorry, i didnt mean to do you like this,, anyways, ill see you soon + her too ofc- yall are inseparable lmao

signed,

your moonlight,

y/n/n

[23/07/15, 01:56am]

greetings, kind sir

lol more like mean sir but like aight KSKSK,, anyways,, how have you been? we haven't really talked in a while,, our convos are always so short with it being one-sided :/ i wish you were online more. yeonnie is ignoring me,, do you know why? i think you do,,, but when i asked you just said you didnt know. did i do something wrong? pls tell me..

she blocked my contact the other day and she won't even smile at me when i pass her in the hallways. its,, sad and stressful especially because she was the only one that would genuinely talk to me. i hate to say this,, but i miss you. us, hanging out like the best trio we are, yknow? but i dont think you miss me the same way. sorry, im getting out of hand. i know im just overreacting. im just gonna sleep ig,, good night! sweet dreams,,

signed,

your pink lemonade,

y/n/n

[25/07/15, 03:25am]

hi there

i heard you and her got together?? congrats, jinnie! im so proud of you,, especially because you never had even considered getting a girlfriend a few months earlier lmaO you really woo the ladies huh? anyways,, i hope you've been well since we last talked,, how many days has it been?? i would say nearly a week or so but honestly it feels like a hundred years,, considering you and i used to talk every day. but you have her now to keep you company.

keep this a secret but can you possibly tell me why it hurts when i see her? or when i mention her or even think of her?? is it because she's connected to you? but.. you're my best friend, so why? is it because i miss you? is it because im alone now? is it because you left me with a simple 'i have to go now,, bye y/n/n.'? im not sure either. im being silly, i apologize. ill figure it out sooner or later. sweet dreams, jinnie

signed,

your asswipe,

y/n

[25/07/15, 04:30am]

jinnie

it's because i love you.

signed,

your butterfly,

y/n

[??/08/??, 05:??am]

you

i miss your lame jokes. i miss your smile. i miss your laughs. i miss your funny faces. i miss the way your eyes twinkle. i miss th way you would make me happy just by doing the bare minimum. i miss the disaster you made when cooking breakfast. i miss the night when you snuck me out just to go to that pretty lantern event. i miss when you would call out my name everytime we met. i miss when we would share earbuds in train rides. dont you get it, hyunjin? i miss you.

[??/??/15, ??:??am]

asshole.

please tell me that isn't true, please. you're too kind to do these kinds of things, right? + i was your best friend,, then, why, why did you hurt me like this. i didnt do anything wrong.. you couldve just told me you didnt like me,,, why did she have to tell me? out of all people.

youre so pathetic for this,, i thought you were brave, bold - but youre just a fucking coward. i loved you, i really did. and i realised too late… im sorry. she,, i shouldn't have talked to her in the first place, right? i bet you knew she humiliated me, in front of everyone. of course you did, you were the only one that knew. you told her. fuck, i hate you so much (yet why do i long for you on a night like this?). you know how much that'll affect me and yet, there you are, laughing about it with her.

signed,

fuck off,

you know who i am.

[31/08/15, 03:41am]

ah, jinnie

please tell me this is just a nightmare. please, please. stop just reading my texts, please answer them. jinnie. i miss you so much. i dont care bout her, please just let me be in your arms. i dont care if you love me back, please just talk to me at least. tell me what i did wrong,, jinnie,, please,,, clear these tear stains on my cheek with kisses.

signed,

your fuck-up,

y/n

[15/09/15, 04:59am]

jinnie

why do i keep crying because of you? its been a few weeks since everything has happened. please, nothing has changed. i still love you the same even with all the hatred i have pent up in this stupid brain of mine. i wish i could just walk back in time, to where it all began.

when i first met you in third grade and you pushed me while playing soccer or maybe when we took those ridiculous prom pictures, remember those? i hope you still have them,, because i do too. i hope the pictures of us on your wall still hang there,, it'll remind you of the happy times. hm,, maybe you don't need them.

you already have millions of pictures with you and her,, i bet you printed some and replaced those with ours right? sly dog.

signed,

friend,

y/n/n

[04/02/16, 12:57am]

hey

i went to the park today and saw both of you being happy. it's nice to see your smile again. im sorry i didnt go up to you,, i just thought it would be awkward. when i heard that adorable laugh of yours, it made me realise that i lost something special. but it's okay isnt it? as your happiness matters more than mine.

signed,

y/n

[06/01/20, 08:00pm]

dear hyunjin,

im doing fine here. how about you? gosh,, how long has it been? years? since we last talked to each other. i havent heard from you since. i would just like to say i still think of you sometimes, when watering the plants or dancing while making pancakes. sometimes i think you're here with me too, just being the pals we were.

sometimes i'd see you out, just reading a book in the park or buying pasta sauce at the grocery store. it's nice to see you having a stable life. im not sure if you're still with her or not, but its good to know that you still have that large friend group. also! you're never gonna guess who im dating--

it's minho! do you remember him? the one that i used to hate,, uh yeah. he asked me out the other day- you may wonder how tf,,, i too do not know how tf but he gives the best hugs ever. he gave me the love i wanted from you. he stitched my heart back together after it broke,, i love him so much, jinnie..

it's snowing,, do you remember when we would skate on the frozen lake in front of your house? are your parents well? i wonder if your mother still has those earrings i bought for her birthday. i never told you this but your laugh and hers sound so similar.

i would just like to say thank you, for everything. you were a big part of my life, up until now. when we see each other after this, we would just be strangers. maybe flash a little smile or give a little wave whenever we greet each other but nothing more. some memories of us would flow in every now and then but it'll just be a short teaser. well, i'll be going now. smile for me, okay?

signed,

the one that loved you the most,

y/n.

taglist // @/noya-sannnn, @crvgio , @neo-shitty

reply to be in my gen taglist!

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reymiart · 5 years ago

Text

Hawk’s true self

This is just me rambling about Hawk’s character because there’s just so much to theorize and talk about. it’s probably way too long and congested so I apologize in advance

In the first arc he’s introduced in, he keeps saying how he has no self control. He says this twice and even shows it at the billboard charts where he starts speaking his thoughts. But later on as the story progresses we see that Hawks has exceptional control of himself, more specifically his emotions and his behavior. He’s so good at hiding his true feelings that it’s the reason the commission chooses him to be a double agent with the league of villains.

It’s likely that Hawks was trained as a child for this sort of espionage activity since he himself says that he was taught negotiation skills at an early age. This is why Endeavor can’t tell when he’s being serious because Hawks always acts jokingly around him. Hawks knows this, which is why he acted so serious when giving Endeavor the coded book to let him know something was off. Some say Hawks is a chaotic neutral, and that definitely fits with how he acted during the billboard awards. However you could say he is actually lawful neutral, and is someone who always gets done what needs to be done. He wanted to support Endeavor as the number one hero and he did whatever was needed to do so. In the same way, whatever the commission wants him to do, he gets done. I think it’s clear that there are two sides to Hawks, or Keigo Takami. The chaotic and easy going hero persona, and the lawful and controlled commission pawn. I personally think that the easy going persona is how hawks really feels or how he wants to be, but after being drilled into what is essentially a child soldier, he can’t shake off what he has been trained into becoming.

One aspect that I find interesting is how baby Keigo says he wants to be like Endeavor, but as an adult he insists that he wants the freedom of the lower ranks and that his “back isn’t wide enough”. I think this is a combination of realizing that the hero world isn’t all what he thought it was (”there are no true heros”) and knowing that as a commission pawn, his role is to work in espionage which isn’t suited to the number 1 hero. His desire that he wants all heroes to “take it easy” and how he wants to be lower in the ranks could be hinting at how he’s actually secretly tired of working for the commission or even being a hero since it’s not what he signed up for (he got roped in when he was like 4 there’s no way he knew what he was signing up for). I think Keigo definitely enjoys being a hero and wanted to be a hero, but baby keigo specifically said “shine brightly”. He wanted to shine brightly like Endeavor but instead he’s being forced to hide in the shadows and constantly lie to be people, which he stated he dislikes doing. He’s not doing the double agent job because he wants to, he’s doing it because he “has no choice” which are is own words. Heroes normally have a choice when it comes to jobs, don’t they? They are free to choose what kind of hero they want to be. But Keigo never had a choice. He owes his life and success to the commission and has been groomed to stay loyal to them. He’s a bird locked in a cage, and he even tells this to twice when asked why he sympathizes with the villains. I don’t think he was lying because the easiest way to lie is when there’s truth mixed in. And Hawks genuinely liked twice.

Now to the recent events in the manga, where things get interesting. Hawks has been getting some heat with what he did to twice but I think this moment is what solidifies all my speculations and everything I said up until this point. Hawks is good at controlling himself. However in these chapters you can see him slowly breaking down. He desperately tries to hide this fact by outright stating things like “I don’t get attached” when dabi calls him out for getting attached right after, and being very forceful and distant when facing twice. I won’t get too much into this scene cause I’ve seen other people do a better job at analyzing it and this is my first time writing about a show, ever, but basically Hawks is having difficulty separating his emotions from his duty. This is the first conflict we see between true easy going hawks and loyal commission hawks. However in the past we haven’t seen much evidence as to how connected or manipulated Hawks is with the commission. For all we know he could have been working for them willingly or quit whenever he wanted to. That all changes with all the bombshells this chapter, including baby hawks, which I talked about in the previous paragraph. With this scene, we have come to realize what the commission really means to hawks. He’s so desperate to keep his loyalty to them that I think he’s behaving rather strangely with twice and not as any other hero would. I think a normal hero would have thought that if they can’t capture him now, they would retreat and ambush them later (considering dabi in close quarters is a horrible match up for hawks and he knows it) but hawks is thinking, “If he doesn’t give up I need to *kill* him.” I don’t think any hero in bnha so far has “killed” a villain or even thought to “kill” a villain (nomus are basically dead already so that doesn't count). It’s always been defeat and capture. I’m sure Hawks could knock him unconscious but he’s desperate and tries to make up for his wavering loyalty by killing twice, the exact opposite of what he truly wants to do. He finally breaks when dabi calls his real name “Keigo Tamaki”, the name the commission forced him to abandon. The reminder of his true self is what caused Hawks to waver so much in loyalty that he went straight for the kill, almost to kill any last remaining chances of letting his emotions take over. This is what I mean when I said this moment is what solidifies my theories on his character. The commission means so much to him, or has manipulated him so much that in order to keep his loyalty to him, he kills someone he thought was a good person. This just shows how deep the brainwashing has gone to Hawks. Why is he so desperate to keep his alignment with the commission? Because he has no identity outside of them. They have guided and controlled him his entire life and as much as he wants to be free, he’s been trained to never betray them. He’s a man that does whatever it takes to get things done and in that moment he thought he had to stop twice, stop his wavering loyalty, stop his questioning of heros.

tldr; Hawks wanted to be a hero that shines brightly but the commission forced him to become the opposite, making him see hero society for what it really is, a corporate industry for money and fame. He seemingly accepts this, seeing how he talked about the importance of popularity at the billboard awards, but Endeavor still holds a sentimental place in his heart as a great hero that shines brightly. This explains why he doesn’t like all might, he sees him as a “too perfect” hero, almost too good to be true, while endeavor breaks down barriers, even when it’s impossible. Also Hawks has a bias against Endeavor because he saved him as a kid.

Well this got off track real fast, *real tldr;*: Hawks has two sides to him which worked together, as easy going hawks just accepted his own situation, and the fact that he’s a pawn for the commission. The commission are the good guys so he doesn’t really care that they control him. He’s just that selfless of a guy. However after having to betray people he likes, his morality and sense of loyalty wavers and in the end his commission self overwrites what he truly wanted to do.

This is important because the commission self needs to be established as the one controlling Hawks before his character can get broken down and get development, and in the end his true self can prevail and he can be free.

I have always got the feeling that Hawks is a selfless person. He got roped into being the kind of hero he didn't want to be but accepts it because he knows the heros are the good guys and in the end he's helping people. It doesn't matter that he's not where he truly wants to be. He's been so brainwashed by the commission that he believes his own feelings don't matter either.

I’m looking forward to how the story goes but I almost don’t want to get my expectations too high in case things go nothing the way I expect. It’s going to be torture waiting for season 5 to come out. Even the weekly chapters are starting to be torture lol

also im so sorry this is so messy and unedited and I don’t even like writing I’m an art student not an english major so there’s probably grammatical errors but I just had to get all my thoughts down. If you actually read till the end you’re a madman and I love you.

#dabi #hawks #bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #hawks meta #hawks theory #bnha spoilers #bnha meta #keigo tamaki #keigo takami meta #hawks essay #meta

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wolf-stark · 4 years ago

Note

You ask I deliver — both tfatws asks in one!

tfatws weekly ask 1

i finally saw ep1!! i wont be able to see ep2 until thursday at the earliest but i already have some Thots on this ep. here are the ones I remember

first is, and i'm so sorry for this, a grammar lesson. an appositive is when you stick an additional phrase in between commas, dashes, or the like. i actually just used one! the "and i'm so sorry for this" in the first sentence of this paragraph is an appositive. thing is, most english speakers don't normally use them when they speak, only in writing. so i'm always on high alert whenever i hear somebody in tv or movies use one. (it's generally a marker of bad screenwriting). anyway there was one right in the beginning of the episode. the white army guy yelling at sam wilson said "first lieutenant Torres, our intel officer, will be helping on the ground." yeah so. the writing of this series started out on the wrong foot for me. but the rest of the episode was obviously tons and tons better (every interview i see with malcolm spellman makes me love him more and more)

the contrast between the opening minutes (falcon action sequence) and the rest of the ep.... i would 100000/10 rather watch a series with just sam and bucky dealing with life. i dont give a single crap about the flag-smashers or any of that. i just want sam, sarah & fam getting their boating business back on the ground & yeeting racist dickwads, bucky going through therapy and making amends, sam and joaquin being bros, sambucky homoerotic tension, etc.

the cinnamontography! wandavision mostly used cinematography to signify era n stuff. tfatws doesn't have wv's premise to go off of, so here's some tricks i noticed:

with sam there's obviously all sorts of shots with the captain america iconography next to his face, but he hasn't totally claimed it. there's the mural of steve rogers in the background; there's sam staring into the shield like it's a spectre of steve's face; there's sam looking into the exhibit, the shield and sam separated by glass and a layer of camera focus. steve is a constant spectre, always there, an idea, a symbol himself. sam's relationship with this iconography is distanced. he is separated by glass exhibit walls. by painting canvases. he doesn't yet feel worthy to take on that iconography. this whole thing was pulled off quite well but also a bit on-the-nose if only in quantity. there's just sooooo much fancy iconography stuff

speaking of the exhibit, there's something that i get real pissy about. it's when like, there's an action going on you're supposed to be paying attention to but the cinematographer is like,,,, hey! check out this location! or this headline! or something! there was a lot of that in the exhibit. the camera was like, you could focus on sam and rhodey's convo (which was fine but could have been so much better with an extra like 10 minutes of deep character study talk) but noooo you want me to look at the symbol for the united nations and read all the text about bucky who hasn't even showed up yet. shut up i know the lore and ill watch the shot-by-shot breakdown yt vids you don't have to make the shot this long jkdsalcjklasejf

my fav trick was with bucky and the therapist. i had seen a clip of the scene with bucky and the therapist beforehand and i thought the cinnamontography was super obnoxious, but then i was like, oh duh. the shots frequently change the distance between the camera and its subject. sometimes it's uncomfortably close and sometimes it's really far. a clear allegory for the duality of therapy, esp for bucky! therapy is an invasive process wherein he is ruthlessly examined, picked apart, and berated for his trauma (this therapist is crap in every way btw, "mean therapist" works for greg house and greg house only). so the camera goes close. it makes the viewer claustrophobic like bucky. but when he's like "no i haven't had any nightmares" the camera suddenly goes really far. we see bucky as this tiny head in the center of the bottom of the frame. we are distanced from him. he has pushed us away. we cannot see him. he lies because he is vulnerable. so yeah, amazing work there. the therapy scene was hard to watch on purpose!

did bucky slip a note to yori inside the dollar bill? bucky stop making me emooooo. the suuper awkward fake smile has me 😭 (veteran trying to adjust!)

mark my worrrrds when sam asks someone y the govt picked john “white bread” walker they’re gonna say “we needed somebody everyone can get behind....someone uncontroversial, someone everyone can see themselves in” like that exact racist dog whistle

tfatws weekly ask 2

just saw ep2 so im taking advantage of the 2 seconds i can be on tumblr without worrying about tfatws spoilers before new episode drops

when isaiah said "your people put me in prison for being a hero" and bucky thought "your people" means hydra. 🤦‍♂️

speaking of racism, the interplay between sam being Black (anti-Black racism) and sam being the Falcon (negrophilia, "can i take a selfie w you as i deny you a loan?") and the intersection between the two (j*hn lichrally called sam "steve's wingman"! he takes the crypto out of crypto-racist in like 2 seconds!) !!!!!!!! a Black celebrity's Black experience, the separation of man and identity!!!! (thinking about vanessa bayer in snl in that skit "beyonce is black" telling her black friend "you're not black, you're...my girl!")

after sam gets racially profiled by cops we see j*hn standing in front of cop cars cinematic parallels turns out j*hn is racist who knew

this therapist sucks major ass but she got bucky and sam together in the same room and ready to collaborate...that's something ig. it was lichrally couple's therapy she said she used her miracle exercise with couples sambucky antis get blended

bucky says "he was wrong about you so maybe he was wrong about me"...that's not how people talk. when therapist asks bucky, the guy who doesn't talk at all about himself, "y do you hate sam", the last thing bucky's gonna do is actually connect his hatred of sam to his own self-worth issues. bucky generally refuses to talk about himself, so why would he talk about himself in the one context that nobody ever links back to their own neuroses: hatred of other people? one thing human beings hate most is admitting we're wrong. admitting you hate someone because of your own issues? that's a major therapeutic step. bucky would absolutely have to be prompted to do that. even like one or two lines of dialogue more would have set up that line better. but in terms of the actual thought? an amazing way to take the sam/bucky relationship. bucky bases his self-worth on steve believing in him, and if steve is wrong bucky has no self-worth, so 1) he has to develop self-worth disassociated from steve's assessment of him and 2) he has to love himself before he can love sam, and 3) he has to realize that sam giving up the shield is a sign of sam's humility not his unworthiness.

conversely, we don't get into why sam hates bucky? yeah sam has the right to hate a guy that has tried to kill him (albeit while brainwashed) multiple times, and now shows up in his life just to bash him but. everything happens so fast i cant follow their relationship

in fact i dont feel like i understood much of anything. like y did bucky and sam go on that mission together? how connected are sam/bucky/joaquin with the government? doesn't bucky just want to retire now? literally what is everyone doing/feeling and why???

if battlestar becomes a knowing commentary on the black best friend stereotype i'm gonna party, but i dont expect much of that

the interplay between man and symbol. captain america is obviously a symbol. the shield is obviously a symbol. but steve rogers? the. man behind the cowl? he too seems to become a symbol. a paragon of a good guy, so good he's unreachable. steve was just a guy stop idolizing him the last thing steve would want is to be idolized

as the resident musician/music nerd on mcublr, 1) that captain america rally music slaps, but 2) re: the song at the end of the ep, if you're just gonna rip off mozart's lacrymosa then at least play mozart's lacrymosa. we wont blame you the lacrymosa slaps (if you dont know what im talking about go on yt and search it up youll recognize it fo sho

look i love enfys nest as much as the next guy but if tfatws is gonna get erin kellyman to play another innocent little gurl blackmailed into the fakeout-villain position (her text seemed to suggest as such) then 😡 like why can't women just....be evil? young, freckly, innocent-looking women? girls are not untouchable pure objects but full of rage and resentment just as much as anyone can be

bonus ep1 comment: bucky says about that senator whose car he hijacked, "she continued to abuse the power i gave her." fictionaldarling on yt say that he says "i" because he can't disassociate himself from his winter soldier persona which begets endless and senseless guilt. like dude. can i not be emo for like 1 second.

OKay. First off, as much I enjoy your sending it to me, what made you decide to send me these??

TFATWS WA #1

Don't worry about getting this to me as early as possible. I usually don't watch the episode right away.

1. Cool writing lesson.

2. Everyone wants a comedy show [like Friends] about the MCU superheroes.

3. Cinematography is always a beautiful thing.

4. Sam definitely has to carve his own Captain America status for himself, outside of Steve's ya know everything.

5. They have to do that for people who was just now tuning in because they're in love with Sam Wilson or Sharon Carter.

6. I think the therapist was taking a 'tough love' approach for Bucky, because she likely has some very strong opinions about the literal assassin she's been assigned to give therapy too. She did not choose to talk to him, she was assigned that make that clear in the second episode.

And, Bucky isn't lying when he said it wasn't a nightmare. It wasn't a nightmare, it was a resurfaced memory. So, technically he wasn't lying - and yes, the camera does move away because while he's saying he didn't have a nightmare, he's not expanding on what actually happened - so, he's still pushing the therapist/us away.

7. Bucky, and Steve, have/had a TON to adjust to.

8. Yeah, I agree that will be the bullshit line they give. If they ever actually talk about it.

TFATW WA #2

Yeah, always got to take advantage of avoiding those spoilers lmfaoo.

1. Honestly, that line was double meaning. Both about White people and Hydra [which is made up of mostly white supremacists/nazis] So, the line is gesturing to both White People in general and Hydra assholes together. I think the terminology is “double edge sword”??

2. This whole paragraph structure confused me, ngl - so I'm going to answer it the best I can. I do like that they're not ignoring the fact that Sam being Black is 1000% the reason he's not the Official Captain America - because the gov't is racist as hell.

I also like the little lines about how they point out little things about Sam's Falcon persona, like that kid calling him 'Black Falcon' specifically and Sam's response show the split between Sam and Falcon itself.

John is a dick for calling Sam the wingman of Steve Rogers. Sam was a hero all on his own before Steve asked him to join up again. [Side note, it's lichrally??]

3. Exactly, the parallel of Sam being profiled and surrounded while just on the street and John being surrounded by fans and being able to spring Bucky with apparently only a few sentences shows a Loooooot

4. Honestly, at this point I wonder if she's not actually a therapist and is just an agent assigned to assess Bucky outside of an Official Building. I do know, however, that her 'look at each other and speak' exercise is actually a real therapy practice. It's just a little slower.

5. Actually, I think he would've blurted that out. That whole line. I don't think Bucky hates Sam. I think they could've done the scene better, but I think that had Sam prodded him/the therapist been more annoying Bucky would've lost control of his emotions and blurted out the whole "If he was wrong about you, he was wrong about me" but I feel like the writing for this show is just... not there. Sometimes you blurt shit when you get overemotional and I think that was what Bucky was supposed to be like.

6. I don't think Sam hates Bucky, I think he doesn't trust him though. I do wish they'd talked about that though. The whole 'talk to each other' scene should've been a LOT longer and a LOT slower.

7. Sam and Bucky's relationship is being fast tracked because they don't really know how to work the relationship out, writers-room-wise. Bucky is technically retired, but I feel like he's trying to live up to Steve's expectations and doing what Steve would've done and we all know that if Steve was there, Steve would've jumped on that plane with Sam. It looks like Sam/Bucky/Joaquin are a side-team based from Military services but as Sam says they're all free agents so...?

8. Sadly, They seem to just be propping up to be another stereotype.

9. Captain America is a symbol. Steve Rogers is a man. But now Steve Rogers is an idol because of all the shit he's been through and honestly, it's not a bad thing he's become an idol for people - it's using Steve as a reason to make White Bread Walker the next Captain that makes Steve's idolization so fucked.

10. I don't know anything about music so I have no opinion here, sorry.

11. Enfys?? Also, I think they did the whole Innocent Girl Thing as side commentary for Bucky lowering his guard about seeing a young girl rather than a guy.

12. Bucky is the Winter Solider. The Winter Solider is Bucky. That is how Bucky will always see it because although he was brainwashed, it was still him and he remembers all of it. When you have constant memories of something 'someone else' did, you tend to not be able to pull the two personas out of each other. I want Bucky to take up the title, White Wolf instead of Winter Soldier. Honest.

This is all my opinion, I’m honestly a little disappointed with the writing of TFATWS so far so... I’m not really optimistic about this.

#Asks

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