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kswhateverspace · 4 years ago

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The Ruby and Christina Discord Drama

To my followers who have no idea what this is about, feel free to ignore this if you’d like. This is a long post showing everything that went down with the kicking of 3 members in a discord I’m a member and Admin of. I will share a bit, and then the rest will be under a cut.

Jaye (hernameisjaye/ @reneesgoldsberry) and I didn’t feel it necessary to address the kicks of the server publicly and just thought things would die down and people would move on. That doesn’t seem to be the case and so while I don’t want to give any attention to Krow (grimreich666), the continued attack of Dandybear has made this post necessary. On December 9th, 2020, 1 member was kicked from the discord. Michele (kerozenangel). She was kicked specifically because of this post she made

It was incredibly rude to all the writers in the discord and also @/everyone about it. The removal at this time was specifically to protect the mental well being of the writers who occupied the discord. In addition, for being continually antagonistic in discussions with other members.

Jaye and I are not big on public warnings in regards to someone’s character and the way one thinks. The only thing we correct is off topic discussion and only if it gets out of hand. Behind the scenes we talk a lot if certain members are acting up, and mentally keep track on how many instances are occurring, if behavior seems to be improving etc. You don’t see it, but when issues arise it is discussed, usually in length, and then we decide how to proceed. We also don’t publicly report when a complaint is sent to one of us about a member, but we have been sent them and they are taken into consideration.

On December 11th 2020, 2 members were kicked from the discord. Krow (grimreich666) and RVCBard (eshusplayground)

There is quite a bit to unpack here, but I am first going to address the tumblr post Krow made. I never planned on replying, just letting it go. But Krow continues to antagonize a member (dandybear) of the discord who had NO involvement in her removal from the Discord and it’s time all sides are put out for those who are not aware, or those who don’t have the full story to judge. I will be addressing the youtube video at the very end of this post.

I’m going to address the tumblr post in question in sections.

“So it has come to my attention that we cannot have a civil conversation in the Ruby and Chirstina Fandom. Nearly a month ago I gave up my own small Ruby and Chirstina Discord to join another manged by Kswhateverspace.”

Civil discussions are had all the time, what occurred began as a civil discussion until Krow made it personal by telling Jaye to learn her own black history. That was the reason for the kick. Personal attack. I will post screenshots of the entire encounter at the end. As for managed by me, I am just an admin, and did not start out that way. I offered to help organize the discord and tried to create events to make things a bit easier to navigate and more fun. I originally invited Krow to this discord after seeing people asking for links on tumblr to it.

No one was asked to give up any server, it was simply an open invitation.

“I thought that the community would be a good place to vibe with other members of the Ruby and Chirstina community. At first it was welcoming until I started writing my own Fan Fic for the Ruby and Chirstina ship. It had been users by the name of Dandybear and Agent Sheryl and a few others started to bury the work I posted and they would shade me, barely would I get comments on my work because they would fill the submission page with there personal conversations.Now I’ve written two novels professionally and I am working on a third and out of my 15 years of writing I can safely assess when somebody is trying to blackball or bury someone’s work because there work isn’t meeting up to snuff. And as for me I always supported their work because Christina and Ruby content benefits everyone, now I didn’t get into AO3 for the comments I did it because I love Chrisby.”

This is completely not true. There is a channel I created dedicated to posting work only, exactly to prevent the burying of work. Krow would actually break the rule from time to time of that channel, which is that it’s for links to works only, not discussion of said works. There is a separate channel to discuss. Despite the breaking of the rule, I never actually removed her creator role and instead just let it slide. Also, “Shading” never occurred.

“Yet it was only a week ago that me and a few others we noticed the mean girls clique right away as it consisted of Danybear, Frankie, Kswhateverspace and Agent Sheryl, who had came from my server to join.”

I want to address this on a personal level. I have literally spoken to Krow on a voice call, for 2 hours, with Frankie also in attendance, as well as Agent Sheryl. We had been doing the drop a random pin on the map game and it was a pretty fun time. Prior to this instance, I didn’t have the most favorable view of Krow as she tended to not have a filter when posting and I wasn’t always comfortable by what that was, however, I take my role as admin seriously, and in particular being a white woman in a predominantly black server, I never wished to step on anyone’s toes or out of line. Any worries or concerns I ever had or have, I always defer and clear with Jaye. After this game, I became more comfortable in general with her presence in the discord, but she continued to post fairly unfiltered views that would generally derail a discussion etc. and overall behavior within the discord did not make for a very comfortable place a lot of the time. I say this as myself, and from fellow members at the time of instances. I was at war with myself on this a lot of the time because I was the one who invited Krow, but no one can predict how people will be or mesh.

At this part of the post I will address Krow’s accusation that Dandybear “shaded her”. The screencap Krow uses at the end of her post.

In case it isn’t clear, You is a tv show and not literally @ Krow in case that’s what was thought.

“The egregious abuse of power there Admin and Owner Hernameisjaye is sickening; as her rampage all started on Thursday when Jaye went on a rant saying that Christina was racist. And to me and another black female members acknowledged her opinion but we disagreed with it as we had watched the show several times and understood the premise of the timeline within the Jim Crow Era. Not wanting to fight we had calmly stated our disagreement to her baseless claim and yet she still would not let up even after we have both took the high road as mature adults to leave the conversation.”

I will let screenshots of the entire discussion speak for themselves. I will preface the screenshots with the rules of the discord, which were last edited on December first.

I’ll speak on rule 6 here.

“In the event that we decide to kick/ban a specific user, that individual will receive a message from the admin team notifying them of the final decision.”

At then end of the day, Jaye and I decided to not inform those who were kicked the reason. It wouldn’t have changed the result and in all honesty, we were tired. If an issue wants to be taken up with that, it’s valid. However, no result would’ve been undone.

In most channels on the server, there are pinned messages about what a channel is for as well. This channel was always intended to be a difficult discussion channel, and those that enter are agreeing to engage in difficult discussions as it relates to the show. Krow broke rule 2 by making it personal. You can see the whole chain below. As for RVC, she made it clear she was no longer comfortable in the server and didn’t trust the admins, and decided to turn a situation that didn’t directly involve her to be about her.

After this, RVCBard was kicked. Throughout the life of the discord RVC was consistently combative and antagonistic towards members who’s views or opinions she didn’t agree with. Or if someone disagreed with her. It was an issue that would flare up often, but looked past because we wanted the server to be inclusive even at the detriment to the overall health of the server. We received multiple complaints from different members about RVC with the average complaint being that she made the user uncomfortable due to her approach to different discussions in varying channels. All of the above was taken into consideration that night, and was essentially the final straw.

And despite not being comfortable with approaching mods, she sent me the following after all this went down.

For clarification, I was not present at the time and woke up to multiple messages and had to catch up on my own.

In the past, RVCBard had contacted me with an issue she saw in the server.

I talked it over with Jaye, and it was decided thirsting channels would be created to help address the problem. I show this as an example of good faith that when issues are brought to our attention, we look into it and do something about it if we’re able.

“It wasn’t long ago nearly 48 hours after I lost a family member that was dear to me that this mess ensued, I didnt carry my personal issues into conversation as I enjoy Christina and Ruby as a get away. Yet it is damn near sickening how an Admin can kick someone without warning because your losing an arguement. This isn’t an after-school special and it’s sad that this show that delivers it’s take on Black History and pain cannot be understood even by the simplest of minds, as they are too busy oversexualizing and insulting the Ruby and Chirstina Ship to understand that we see Christina and her flaws as well. I own 2 Discords myself and NEVER would I go out my way to make somebody feel uncomfortable like the way they did me.”

I was offline and asleep for the majority of this night. And this was the reaction to the news of her family member.

While the loss of her family member is tragic, and I sympathize with the loss, it is not a free pass. The kick happened because of hostility and personal attack. With a history of problematic behavior.

I wish to highlight this part from that paragraph

“as they are too busy oversexualizing and insulting the Ruby and Chirstina Ship”

I honestly have no idea who this is supposed to even be at. The entire discord is dedicated to Ruby and Christina. Oversexualizing? Really? Acknowledging Christina’s racism, in whatever form it presented itself in, is in fact seeing Christina and her flaws.

It is at this point I’d like to share the message Krow sent me after her removal and my response.

Now onto the video that was posted Jan 1st, 2021 that has resparked the drama. Which, the video is actually the worst offense done so far. I will address particularly awful points with timestamps that you can reference for yourself. Credit to @femeivor for helping with grabbing timestamps as I’ve stayed up incredibly late writing this all up.

To highlight the targeting that is going on in this video, I would first like to present the controversy surrounding LITTD chapter 5. Dandybear upon receiving valid criticism of her story replied with the following, which Krow decided to piggyback on.

With that shown, let's get onto the video titled “Dear AO3 Fanfic Writers”

1:41 - "there was this whole thing where they couldn't have a mature conversation as adults and decided to kick me and several other group members out for not feeling that way"

- If you’ve made it this far, you know how exaggerated this is.

2:10 - Says a couple of writers from the server are "abyssmal and you know it comes from their fucking area"

- Spoiler alert, at the end of this video she says her discord is a place to not be judged.

6:54 - huge rant about people having Christina be William in their fics even though that's canon compliant

- For this I shall simply copy and paste her own fic’s summary:

- When Ruby get's the chance of a lifetime to change her life working under Tic's strange yet introvert distant cousin Christina, she gets more than she bargained for. As Christina a well known lawyer struggles to free herself from her fathers abusive shadow after the death of her brother William and her elder brother Caleb; she seeks to gain control over the lodge her father has denied her as his only heir. Yet first Christina must clear her father and lodge members names a task that seems all to impossible under the watchful eye of her fathers righthand-man; yet such a task is proving itself to be difficult as she is taken by her new P.A. As Ruby finds out how to read the strange yet alluring Christina, a waiting William comes to make her dreams come true yet are all dreams true; yet she is sucked into into a world of wizards and dangerous turns. Can love come at such a time, or will the half-truths threaten to rip the two apart?

- I will also add here my OWN comment on said story

https://archiveofourown.org/comments/357964615

8:00 - straight up calling out Davenports, just not by name.

8:30 - says it's "disgusting" to have Christina spend a lot of time as William which is, again, canon compliant

11:00 - calls some fanfics "crap" and "torture porn for the soul"

11:14 - "I'm not trying to stifle creativity!"

- *stares into the camera like I’m in the Office *

11:33 - calls out a fic for including attempted rape when she has previously praised a fic that included CSA

11:50 - "you don't really understand these characters, you don't really understand her at all"

- Christina is not given some EPIC backstory in the show and literally no one knows that much about her. Only what we can perceive and deduce. Aka, tons of headcanons from everyone.

13:00 - now telling people what they should be writing instead

13:34 - mockingly calling out Dandybear again, this time with more than one fic

14:10 - once again telling people what they should be writing

14:30 - mocking people for writing smut then says “I don’t caaare - I mean I like that - I love smut….is that it?”

14:55 - "and I notice that some of you guys start out so great in your fics and then it goes down hill!"

- Is this encouragement or stifling creativity?

15:13 - calling out another fic

- I’m tired, are you tired?

15:33 - "Who the fuck writes this shit? Oh my fucking god! Are you guys just dumb? Are you guys stupid?"

16:00 - "Some of you wanna tag and say 'this is a Ruby and Christina Discord server [mocking noises] and if you don't agree with us we're gonna kick you out for no fucking reason!' You know? Shut the fuck up!"

- And if you’re THIS far, you very well know the reason and it definitely wasn’t NONE

16:16 - "you obviously don't know what Ruby and Christina mean to real fucking die hard fans"

- I personally love a classic gatekeep.

17:06 - "But for some of y'all to write these disturbing, disgusting fanfictions"

17:54 - calling writers racist for including racist characters in their fanfics for a show that included a lot of racism.

18:41 - says people are wasting her time because they're writing fics that she doesn't want to read.

18:49 - "This isn't for all fanfic writers. This is only for a couple of 'em. You know who the fuck some of y'all are. And shame on you for even doing this and writing this and trying to fucking push this kind of fanfic and this garbage off."

- If you’re gonna keep beating a dead horse and bringing up drama that you created again and again, start saying people’s names instead of hiding behind blanket statements.

19:07 - "And that's the whole problem why I decided to do Krows Korner. Because I'm so sick of these fandoms and even some of these professional writers running their ass around here, delivering garbage and people being a bunch of sheeple to say that this shit is the greatest shit ever. Honey, it's either you have dyslexia or a reading complex because I'm not really fucking seeing what you thought was so great about this fic."

20:20 - "Join my Discord server if you wanna know the full, TRUE story about what happened at the other Discord server and how these people supposedly claim that they love Ruby and Christina but they support a racist fanfic writer who clearly does not understand about black relations, but lies and decides to be a dick every-damn-where"

- The clearest target at Dandybear herself is in this rant here. Which you can recall above from the screenshots I posted, that when confronted with valid criticism, aims to do better because we all have room for growth. Including racists characters can always be tough because they are uncomfortable characters as they are meant to be, but run the possibility of being too much. However they are not a direct reflection of an author’s view.

20:52 - "If you wanna join a fandom on Discord that doesn't judge you for liking what you like as Ruby and Christina, and even if we disagree, you know, still not have fear of being kicked out because you disagree, come join my shit. It's not even worth the headache, sweetie."

- Interesting take after making a whole video attacking writers/people you hate from your previous discord after you were removed for breaking rules aka personal attack. “doesn't judge you for liking what you like”

21:30 - "I don't care any fucking more. The drama is done, it's settled"

- Considering you have brought this drama up again, after your removal on the 11th of December 2020, I think you might still care.

21:33 - "I figure I would clear a record, basically, to what happened. And, you know, signify the issue that these motherfuckers is crazy. They're crazy as hell."

Everyone at the server had moved on and enjoyed the holidays, but this video has reopened a closed case due to the clear targeting of a writer who happens to be popular. Almost this whole video is an entire disguised attack towards her.

I sincerely hope this clears the air on everything that happened and continues to happen. You have the full story and can judge for yourself whether or not the kicks were justified. If you feel they weren’t, that’s fine and you can now join a new discord server of more like minded people. This continued targeting of Dandybear is unacceptable, and those of you in contact with Krow should not be allowing this to continue. Dandy is a real person like all of us, and if you have a valid criticism of her fic, you can do it in a rational manner. Or stop reading. Like every person ever has done in every fandom ever. Dandybear had no involvement whatsoever with the kicks of the server, they are simply a member and a writer in the fandom and this has gone too far.

If you feel like this server isn't the place for you anymore, I encourage you to find a new place to express yourself in the best way you'd like. We all came here to love Ruby and Christina and have a place to do so in an organized fashion. If you don't like the rules, or consider this place unsafe, I hope you find a community that aligns more with your interests and world view.

#ruby x christina

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zackcollins · 3 years ago

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Glad your arm is a tiny bit better! I get that about not being hungry though. Maybe just a tiny snack will do for now, unless you already ate!

Okay I’m glad you got it! My tumblr has been doing that too with notifications. It also hasn’t been notifying me when I get tagged in posts and I can’t just click on someone’s name and go to their blog. Instead it gives me a “this person doesn’t exist” message and I have to physically type in their username in the search be to get to their blog that way (I.e. I’ve been having to do that with you to get to the ‘send an ask’ section of your blog). I wish tumblr would get their ish together. 🤦🏻‍♀️

My afternoon has been decent. I just woke from a nap and now catching up on social media/tumblr! How’s your afternoon been??

— 👑

It might be suppertime soon, so I'm gonna wait until then to actually eat something. I don't wanna eat now and then not be hungry when my grandparents make supper. Ya know? I feel like that would be kinda mean of me considering they went through all the trouble to make the food.

Yeah??? I wasn't notified about being tagged in the last few things I've been tagged in. It's really weird and I wish I knew what the heck was going on with that. But like. This is Tumblr. Who the hell knows what is going on and if we'll ever find out? This website is dumb on the best of days.

My afternoon has been alright. I've just been trying to decorate my house in Animals Crossing. I decided to take a break for now though because I was getting a headache from staring at the screen for too long. I'll go back in and try again later when my headache has gone away. Hopefully I can make my house look pretty because I have like. Next to no interior design skills. I just want a pretty house, man. Is that too much to ask for?

#this ask is from 👑 at tumblr productions and directed at robin #mutuals #the elusive mutual #ily crown #robin talks #not hockey

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yukipri · 4 years ago

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hello, I absolutely love your art and I really like ASL ship. I'm also an artist, but I'm afraid to post my art of it becomes i know some people can be rude about ships they don't like. How do you deal with the hate and do you have any advice for someone that wants that kind of confidence to post with out judgement?

Thanks so much for liking my work!

I wish I had a comforting answer for you, but the truth is this: There’s no way to post anything publicly online without judgement. People are always judging, and it’d be alright if they did so silently without being in your face about it, but oftentimes those who take greatest offense are the most vocal (the combination between this and the fact that those who like your work are oftentimes too shy to say anything can have really devastating consequences for self-confidence).

While there have always been people vocal about ships/characters/interpretations/whatever that they don’t like, I’d say that it’s arguably much worse now than it was when I started posting my work on Tumblr, due to both rampant purity culture, and again, fewer people who reblog and give positive comments to validate you and your work.

I wish I could tell you that i’m confident about the work that I post (both in content and artistic execution), but in reality, I’m not. I doubt myself all the time! My self-confidence is always 6 ft under!! I ask myself whether it’s worth posting before every post!! And sometimes, the answer my brain provides is No, it’s not worth posting.

But y’know what? I post anyway ^ ^;;;;;

I guess this is getting off on a bit of a tangent, because you’re asking about ship hate. But for me personally, my fight with my inner voice being mean about myself and my work is so much more vicious than any anti, that idk, the anti seems really mild in comparison? ^ ^;;;; Like oh, you don’t like my ship. Well that’s cute. I have a billion other far more valid criticisms of my work, so come back with a better case and get in line!

(and in continuing to post, and continuing to interact with those who don’t like my work...I guess I’ve gotten sorta used to it? That, and I’m grateful to have followers who ARE kind to me, building that sort of community is important!)

Oh don’t get me wrong, I still get in a sour mood whenever someone sends an unwanted opinion, and it does happen from time to time! But the thing is, there are a lot of tools to block out those opinions and to keep them from reaching you again, and it’s very easy for me to methodically use those, and they work. And the fact that these tools are available helps make hateful opinions seem much more like a tiny angry squirrel squeaking outside my window.

In case you’re wanting to know these steps:

1) If the unwanted comment is in a reply to one of your posts, you can delete the reply so you can’t see it anymore!

2) You can block the user. This prevents them from being able to interact with your posts and send any more unwanted opinions. (I think it’s also based on their IP address, so they can’t harass you on an alternate account either). If you do this to an anon user, they’ll be blocked and you’ll never even know who they were, so can’t even unblock them! Whee!

3) If they’re actually threatening you, you can report them. Rn, tumblr staff’s been pretty good at responding, perhaps due to changed ownership. If they actually threaten to harm you, don’t leave it at blocking, report them! (but also, make sure to only use this option when you are being threatened irl. Reporting is serious, and not a tool to be abused for, “They said something mean and I don’t like them.”)

4) MOST IMPORTANT: Don’t engage with them. I know if they give a shitty opinion, it’s easy to get heated and want to argue. But most likely, they’re hiding it under anon anyway, and you’re doing exactly what they want by getting mad. They don’t care about logic or whether or not their point makes sense. Their only goal is to upset you. So don’t let them win!

The best thing to do, REALLY, is to ignore them. Don’t give them a response by answering their ask, don’t reblog their response if they added it to your post that way. Especially if they’re anon, they have no choice but to keep refreshing your blog in hopes you respond, no way to get notified. Cool, let them keep doing that forever! They’re not worth your time. And they can’t win an argument you don’t accept, so they’ve lost as soon as you’ve rejected them.

(and if you feel like it, before blocking/deleting their shitty messages, take a screenshot, and then share it with your friends in private to laugh at them. It’s quite cathartic ^v^)b)

Another note, but if you’re nervous about posting content about an unpopular ship, it’s okay to ease yourself into it too. You don’t have to draw them naked ‘n snogging right from the get go (and tumblr doesn’t allow n//s//f//w anyway). You may have noticed that a LOT of my works are kinda ambiguously shippy/platonic if you squint and want to read it that way. Part of that’s just bc that’s the sort of content I enjoy creating, with romance being ambiguous, but it’s also less provocative if you want to avoid confrontation with antis ^ ^;

And ANOTHER note, but make sure to tag your ships! It’s a courtesy that’s important to remember on Tumblr and AO3 (and I wish would be adopted on twitter sigh). Tagging is us creators’ way of staying in our lane, and putting up all proper warnings. IF despite the tags, content consumers decide not to blacklist and engage anyway, well, then that’s on them.

So this answer got a bit long and isn’t at all concise, and I apologize for that. But I hope there’s an answer for you buried in here somewhere.

TLDR: There’s always gonna be judgement. Decide for yourself whether you want to post. Not everyone who posts has confidence, you’re not alone. Having positive interactions helps balance out the damage done by negative ones. Be prepared by knowing what tools you’ve got when the negative ones come. If you’re nervous, it’s ok to create more ambiguous content. Tag your posts.

And a final comment: make sure to enjoy creating! Create because you love it first and foremost, and let your creation be an expression of that joy.

❀ ❀ Send YukiPri an Ask! ❀ ❀

#YukiPri replies #Anonymous #longpost #long post #I'm sorry this isn't entirely positive and probably too personal #I want to encourage you to create and post if you want to #but I also want to be honest and say that it's not always fun and to be honest about that #there are ways of dealing with antis and with your own sense of worth #but it's a real uphill battle sometimes sigh

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chronicillschronicpills · 5 years ago

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so hey, i just found ur blog and tbh im really looking for any advice i can get on dealing with chronic pain and fatigue? i dont mean to be a bother sorry! im just slipping into hopelessness with some people and even doctors not taking me seriously. i have done hours and hours of research and i think my symptoms may line up with sjogren's? it's just so hard for someone to look at my symptoms (even though they have been worsening since october 2019) since absolutely nothing shows up in my tests.

Hey!

This is not a bother at all. Also sorry if this is a late reply, my Tumblr never notifies me when I get messages so I have to manually check!

So to start off with, I know exactly how you feel. I have been there. It is truly horrible and I am sorry you have to deal with this. There is a massive problem with doctors not taking young people, especially women, seriously when it comes to pain and fatigue. It’s always ‘stress’ or ‘depression’ or ‘in your head’ and it’s just really infuriating. It’s a terrible place to be in.

I think this is a really important post. Its going to be LONG.

I’m going to first address the issues with doctors not taking you seriously.

It took me 7 years to get a diagnosis. This is NOT unusual. In fact, I’m almost positive that the average diagnosis time period for someone with lupus is 6 years. My first piece of advice is SELF ADVOCATE. This sounds easier than it is and it takes a lot of practice. I used to just burst into tears if I was trying to explain anything to a doctor. It is easier to self-advocate when you are calm and are clear about what you are going to say. To help with that, I suggest KEEPING A JOURNAL of your symptoms and have all your medical records in order. Make it in depth. Before an appointment, WRITE DOWN WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO TALK ABOUT. This way, you won’t forget anything. I like to reverse in my head how it is going to go. You really have to TAKE CONTROL of the appointment. You are allowed to demand certain things. I had to demand a referral to a rheumatologist when one of my shit GP’s refused to. He ended up giving me one, and on my first appointment with the rheumatologist, I was diagnosed and put on medication. It is important to DO RESEARCH but not too much. Don’t let the doctors know that you’ve done too much or they will think you’re a hypochondriac or something, maybe hurt their ego, who knows. You need to have a GOOD GP. If you don’t like your current GP, find a new one. Do research on good GP’s in your area. Ask your friends and family about theirs. Also, the best indicator for a doctor to know where you are at in my experience is saying MY QUALITY OF LIFE IS POOR. Describing your symptoms in-depth and how they affect your day to day functioning is important. Lastly, I always think you should BRING SOMEONE WITH YOU. Bring someone you trust, someone who knows about your condition. This is useful because they can back up what you say, they are there for support, and a doctor is less likely to treat you like shit with someone else present. You should also brief the person who is coming with you about what you would like them to do in the appointment. Do you want them to just stay quiet, or would you like them to sometimes talk or want them to take control of the appointment?

My advice for chronic pain

Pain killers (it make seem obvious, but they really help). This is a touchy subject for a lot of people, as there are obvious problems with long term pain killer use, but they are great for PRN. There is a possibility a doctor will not prescribe you with them though.

NSAID’s (Nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs) can be helpful for pain

Tricyclic antidepressants are used to treat chronic pain

Topical treatments; I use tiger balm patches. These are the ones I use: https://www.amazon.com/Tiger-Balm-Plaster-Warm-Patches/dp/B07Q6WN9ZM. They help tremendously for me. I sometimes used tiger balm cream. Other good ones are Icy Hot vanishing gel and bengay.

Pillows: I used 12 pillows to sleep with. I know it a lot. But it works really well for me. Experiment with pillows; between your knees, under your arm, behind your back, under your hip, under your legs, etc. I literally sleep on a bed of pillows.

Reduce stress. High stress= more pain

Join support groups; I am on several FaceBook pages that talk about the issues that I have. This blog on Tumblr has been incredibly helpful. It’s good to have people who understand what you’re going through.

I cannot exercise, but some people find it useful (i never did)

Some people find meditation helpful (i do not)

Massages help but obviously, that’s not always accessible, they are expensive etc.

My advice for chronic fatigue

Medications; depending on your diagnosis, some medications can help with chronic fatigue. The medicine that helps with my chronic fatigue is Plaquenil which is often used to treat fatigue-related with Sjogren’s. There are other medications that can help with the quality of sleep such as benzodiazepines and tricyclic antidepressants.

Do not do too much activity (that has helped me, but for others moving and doing exercise and movement can help)

Have a routine

If you study, make sure you tell all your teachers and lecturers beforehand that you have a health issue that may impair your ability to come to class all the time or hand in assignments on time. In my experience, they have always been really helpful and understanding.

I also studied a lot from home, using online resources. I also took fewer papers at university to make it more manageable for me.

Look after yourself, make sure you eat good foods. A lot of people try different diets but they haven’t helped me personally but have been beneficial to a lot of other people. Definitely talk to your doctor about this though.

Give yourself a break, do not be too hard on yourself if you cant do the things that others are doing

Some doctors consider stimulant medication but I have not tried this

Lastly! Sjogren’s!

I know a bit about Sjogren’s because it’s related to the disease that I have. It is an autoimmune disorder. If you think you have Sjogren’s then you need to ask your GP to do blood tests associated with Sjogren’s such as rheumatoid factor, ANA, antibodies (anti-Ro (SS-A) and anti-La (SS-B) antibodies). Ask for a referral to a rheumatologist. SELF ADVOCATE. Do not stop until you find your answer. Also, get routine bloods. It is common for them to change over time. I

If any of my followers have Sjorgens and have any advice, please comment!

I hope this helped, I wish I could come up with more advice on how to deal with chronic pain and fatigue, but I know it is really hard. If any of my followers made it this far and have any tips, please add to this post and reblog it so that more people can see and add to it.

EDIT TO ORIGINAL POST

This information was supplied by a tumblr user called @graciecatfamilyband who actually has Sjorgens. They said:

Blood work and other tests CANNOT rule Sjogren’s OUT. This makes it very difficult to diagnose

30% of Sjogren’s patients will have negative blood work.Other tests may also not be sufficient, depending on where you are in your disease progress

Doctors are often undereducated about Sjogren’s and don’t see it as as serious as it is

Many patients will have neuro symptoms as well as other significant symptoms like fatigue before their lip biopsy focal score is 1 (which is considered “positive” for Sjogren’s).

https://www.sjogrensadvocate.com/ is a great resource for people who think they might have this disease. It also cites research articles you can show your doctor if you need to

They also offered to help out anyone who want to reach out to them if they have questions or need advice about Sjorgens and also, with diagnosis’s.

Keep in touch, let me know how it goes. Don’t be afraid to reach out and dm me.

Love Aston

#ask #personal #asks #lupus #sjogrens

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grazer-razor · 4 years ago

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ok, it’s time to do this.

in case you haven’t heard already, i have been banned from the hilda subreddit(/r/hildatheseries) since march. but to make things worse, i couldn’t even resolve the whole situation because i was told that if i “harassed” the mods, i would be reported to the reddit authorities. because of this, i did nothing out of fear of what they would do. not replying, missing out on hilda news, watching posts slowly get archived over the course of months... and never posting to the subreddit again.

this all changes today. today, i will present my reasons as to why i should be unbanned from the subreddit. mods, if you see this, please feel free to DM me on reddit.

first, a quick recap of what happened. i got banned from hildacord sometime in september 2019, and tried to send the subreddit a message about the surprise ban(because a link to hildacord was on there), to which the owner, hornets_descent, would respond to angrily. i would try to keep negotiating with hornet, and eventually, i responded to one of hornet’s comments in the subreddit, so he told me to leave him alone. but after i sent an essay, he banned me from the subreddit for 30 days. and after he saw a post i made on the discord subreddit about my ban(which i made due to this unfair and surprising behavior being on a partnered server), he decided to make the ban permanent.

when i tried to ask about my ban, i kept getting muted for 3-day periods, even when i gave honest apologies.(forgot about that part, though.) so i tried contacting one of the other mods, who constantly changes their reddit username. they made a compromise- if i left hornet, and by extension, hildacord alone, i would get unbanned. i agreed to this promise, and got unbanned.

nothing would happen until march, a week after my month-long break from the computer, thanks to the PR vanquish situation. i was browsing the subreddit, and came across a picture that portrayed hilda as, er... thicc. i noted how the picture got away with little to no repercussions, while my cutout of oliver nelson pointing was removed for being “creepy”. after just a few minutes, i got banned, and was told that if i tried to harass them, the reddit admins would be notified. i don’t even know if the person who banned me was hornet or not, because they hid their name when messaging through modmail. because of this, i couldn’t even message the other mods, in case they were the ones who banned me. i think it was hornet, due to my theory that he has a bias against me, but better safe than sorry.

now that that’s out of the way, it’s time to get cracking.

first off, i have kept my promise to never contact hornet again. i have even blocked him, so i wouldn’t see his messages, in case i would be tempted to reply to them, or in case i’d reply to him by accident.

secondly, this ban may have been because of something i did on the subreddit, but my first ban had nothing to do with the subreddit in the first place! it only took place within DMs, and maybe the discord subreddit. the reason why this is off is because... well, let’s use an analogy.

WARNING: THIS IS GONNA BE STUPID

suppose you have two balls, a red one and a blue one. if you do anything wrong in the subreddit, the red ball grows an inch. if you do anything wrong OUTSIDE of the subreddit, the blue ball grows an inch. if the red ball grows two inches higher(representing two wrongs in the subreddit, one warranting a warning, and the other necessitating a ban), you will be banned from the subreddit.(extreme wrongs can make the balls grow higher than one inch, though, banning you instantly.)

but in my case, the red ball only grew one inch, and the blue ball grew one inch too. even if the blue ball growing could get you a ban, the red ball would STILL have grown one inch, which is less than two! alright, i guess the red ball WOULD have grown two inches(one for my oliver nelson picture, and one for me calling out thicc hilda. the oliver thing was mostly innocent, though. but i actually thought about this in the middle of writing this, so i may have very well figured out why i got banned. but hey, guess i’ll post this anyway.), but in my eyes, the fact that i got banned when most of the wrongs i did were outside of the subreddit is unusual, and signifies that hornet really, really wanted me out of the fandom.

moving on. when i was banned, i was told that i was told not to break or bend the rules again, and that i had used up all my chances. but prior to that ban, i had not been told that- i was told not to contact hornet again!(or maybe they DID tell me not to break or bend the rules at one point, but i forgot. maybe it was when i got banned for the first time? sheesh, this is the second time i’ve had to correct myself in this post, what’s wrong with me?)

and finally, i have this to say. how would you feel, if i told you that even before my ban, hornet was conspiring to tell the reddit admins about me? i’m not even kidding about this. look-

oh yeah, and then there’s hornet’s raid, which I GUESS violates discord’s ToS.

and remember how i said i got banned within minutes on the subreddit? just keep that in mind... all in all, i believe hornet has a huge bias against me, due to my beliefs and actions.

i also thought a while ago about how hornet may have given me that threat on reddit to silence me. but luckily, tumblr is my platform. i just can’t believe i didn’t think of posting something on here until now.

i wish i could say more, but these are as much points as the archives of my drafts for sending to the mods say.

hopefully, i get unbanned... 9 months after i initially got banned.

#hilda #hilda the series #hilda netflix #hildacord

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queen-boo · 4 years ago

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I debated a long time what to type. And of to type anything at all, because I like to think tumblr is my safe space where I can keep and collect all the things that make me happy. But I think I need to get this off my chest, and doing it here, on this particular platform, feels more comfortable that anywhere else. Because one of the things I’ve always liked about tumblr is… Well there’s a certain level of anonymity isn’t there? I can be who I want to be here. And today, I kind of just want to be an anonymous person with a story to tell.

To those who have followed me for a long time, you will be aware I am an Achievement Hunter fan. A rather passionate Achievement Hunter fan. Those who more recently joined me for my other fandoms, there isn’t going to be much context to this post and no one is obligated to read or acknowledge it in any capacity. This is for my own sanity, to be honest, because I haven’t felt like a whole person since this news came to light. I promise eventually, I might be back to the blog you followed and making whatever content you followed me for. But I have to deal with this first.

I was a victim of Ryan Haywood.

To be honest. Victim isn’t the word I would prefer to use, I personally don’t like it. But I’m struggling to come up with another term. I will not be posting screenshots (though I do have them) and I will not be sharing too many details. Mostly for my own sake. I am not at a point where I can face what happened properly. I am not in a place where I can fully accept I am not to blame. Every day I am waking up and struggling with how things could have gone differently. The people in my life who are close to me and supporting me at this time, are a godsent, but I am still struggling to explain to them exactly what happened.

But again, for my own sanity, I’m here to vent otherwise this will swallow me whole. So what I will, say is this.

I was barely 18 years old. I looked up to this man. We exchanged messages, of which began innocently, and progressed to an explicit nature. I was young and niave and having a conversation with one of my idols–an actual Internet celebrity–and failed to see how dangerous this situation could be. Thankfully, being young and excited meant I took screenshots of our conversations to show a friend… Obviously on Snapchat, this notified him that a screenshot had been taken and he ceased talking to me.

Now comes the part I am struggling to tell anyone about. Even my partner. Even my friends. I had a second interaction with him. At a convention. In person. I had met him for a signing. I had spoken to him about my mental health, I gushed and praised as fans do, and I (perhaps stupidly) said something achingly honest about how I owed my life to him and the content he and AH makes. He hugged me, innocently, in view of his coworker and other fans, and told me he was glad I was still alive.

Later that night, at the events VIP party, I ran into him again. I was no longer in cosplay but dressed up, and when I spoke with him this time. He touched me. To most, an innocent touch. We were in a crowded room, my friends were not ten feet from us but engaged in conversation. I made a joke about being in my civilian clothes, he responded with the comment ‘but a very beautiful civillian’ and again–like a young fan being complimented by her idol would, I melted. We talked for ten minutes. He had his hand on my waist for at least fifty per cent of that interaction. Innocent to some, but to me, in hindsight. Not so much.

When later that night I reached out to Ryan on Snapchat to thank him for his interactions and coming to my country/city to meet us fans. We got talking again. And again, this conversation was anything but PG rated. It involved him 'wishing he wasn’t set to leave the next day’ and expressing many opinions on the clothes I was wearing and as you can imagine… Other less than savoury things. I did not think to screenshot these messages at the time, knowing that last time he had stopped talking to me when I did that. Though, after a time they petered out (likely because he went back to his country and I remained in mine - therefore useless to him) and I never heard from him again. Which, as you can imagine, knocked my young confidence.

Up until now, I had been starstruck enough to look at these interactions and think this was something cool. Something fun. I had thought I was special. Getting something that no other fan was. I felt wanted and beautiful. Its literally every fans dream right? To not only be noticed by your idol but appreciated by them. To be desired by them.

I was fortunate enough to never meet with Ryan in person and go through with anything. But do I believe, if the opportunity had arisen, that meeting would have been this man’s end goal? Yes. Do I believe that, as young and impressionable and eager to please an Internet celebrity as I was, I would have agreed to meet with him? Also yes.

I don’t really know what I’m hoping to gain from this. I don’t owe anyone but myself anything. But I think writing it down and screaming it into the void that is tumblr will help? I’m not sure. Maybe it will. Whatever the case, this post was for me. For no one else, and I am sorry for clogging up the dash of anyone who could care less about this AH drama!

But for the other victims out there, for the ones who have told your stories, for the ones who will tell their stories, and for the ones who won’t. I see you. I hear you. I believe you.

We will get through this. I promise.

#honestly I just needed to get this off my chest #Im not here to prove myself to anyone #I'm trying to cope #I'm trying to get through this #and anyone else who is struggling too #i'm here for you #i hear you #i believe you #ryan haywood tw

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go-diane-winchester · 6 years ago

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MISHA'S MUGGING NEVER HAPPENED

Tumblr is not allowing me to add to many screenshots, so if you need to see more receipts, please message me.

I did a post on Misha's cult leader personality, suggesting that he uses sympathy rather than aggression to keep his devotees on his side. I also did a post on his sexually inappropriate behavior with young girls that seems borderline pedophilic in nature. This incident in Minneapolis, is a testament to that theory. He told an elaborate lie, using sympathy to cover his hypersexual tracks.

Misha claimed that on the Aug 21st 2015, he was leaving a restaurant when he was attacked, mugged and beaten. In reality, he was at a nightclub in the early hours on the 22nd and as you can see, going by the date on the uploaded selfie, his face looks fine.

Whilst at the club, he propositioned these two girls to engage in a threesome with him. One of them, Amanda was presumably around 19 years old, at the time. Contrary to what was previously assumed, Amanda is not a minion. She watched the show and was aware of him. Misha was already in his 40s. The girls refused the proposition , and after the selfie, he left the club. Amanda relayed this on her account. She even stated that Misha made out with the friend on the dance floor. I don't know the friend's age. Hellers went after her calling her a liar, but in four years, her story hasn't changed. She has stuck to what she said years ago. This girl is gaining nothing from making these statement. Another fan had to go looking for her on Tumbler. She has an obscure tumblr because she is not looking for fame.

This is an excerpt taken from the news outlet cited below.

Minneapolis police spokesman John Elder told the Star Tribune, though, that police had not been notified of Collins being attacked and he didn't know of any police report made about the incident. Elder said he had heard rumors about the attack. Read Newsmax: Misha Collins Mugged and Everyone Seems to Know But Cops | Newsmax.com

All of the news articles, you may have read regarding this alleged incident, are social media news blogs, not to be taken seriously. The above news article, with a real news reporter, actually hits the nail on the head. I wish I could copy/paste the entire article on to my post, but that would be plagiarism. Please go read it. Even the journalist sounded like he didn't believe Misha. Check out the heading on the article.

Jim Beaver tweeted his concern and support for Misha. He also wrote a paragraph about it on his FB page. Then he deleted everything when he realized, that Misha had lied. Jensen and Jared who had appeared at the con only on the morning that they were supposed to go on stage, showed genuine concern. By the end of the day, they [and every one else], were mocking the incident rather than being genuinely sympathetic. Shatner mocked the mugging by calling Misha ''Boo''.

Misha went after an underage fan and her friend, got shot down, stumbled out of the nightclub drunk, and fell on his face. He never got mugged and therefore never reported it, because reporting a false crime is a felony. But why did he lie? What's wrong with getting sloshed and falling on your face? He told fans about his open marriage. What is wrong with telling them about this? He made up the mugging because of the selfie. At one point, Amanda tweeted that ''he ran out of the nightclub and nobody followed him''. I wondered why he would run out of the nightclub. He ran because he realized, only after taking the selfie and misbehaving with the friend, that his actual fans at the nightclub and he was worried that they might see him behaving sexually with the friend on the dance floor. He knew she would post the selfie because she was aware of his ''poly marriage''. Presumably, he told her that before propositioning her.

He used the sympathy angle because asking an underage girl to sleep with you is one of the nation's biggest crimes. So he quickly spread the mugging rumor. He had the minions cover for him because they were already in poor Misha mode and went after the girl as soon as she opened her mouth. Well played, Mr Collin.

The credit for the receipts regarding this post goes to a doll face, who went out of her way to gather the information. All I am doing is posting it, in the main tags, along with my hypothesis, so the entire fandom will be aware of this.

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heyyyharry · 6 years ago

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In Another Life Series: Chapter 3 - The Girl In Black

…in which Y/N’s first day at work is a mess, and Harry’s relationship is not any better.

Series description: Y/N and Harry are soulmates and destined to meet in every lifetime, but no matter how many times they reincarnate and find each other again, they never seem to get it right.

AU: reincarnation, soulmate!harry, prince!harry, and assistant!y/n

Sorry for taking too long to update this series, Tumblr fucked me up and deleted half a chapter. It would be the last time I wrote directly on Tumblr I’m sure of it. I hope you guys enjoy this, questions are very welcomed. Paragraph in italic took place in the previous life.

Chapter 2 - The Assistant: Harry’s got a new assistant, and Y/N’s got a new job.

Y/N didn’t expect her first day at work to start with her head down the toilet. It must have been the milk she’d drunk earlier that morning, or maybe the microwaved dinner from last night. But it didn’t matter now, the important thing was that her famous boss, whom she’d never actually met before, was waiting in the recording studio, while she was throwing up in this bathroom stall.

With her head spinning in circle, however, Y/N could still make out a knock on the door.

“Hey, ya alright?”

She should’ve recognized that British voice because she’d spent the entire night before watching his interviews on Youtube to get to know him better. Nonetheless, in a situation like this her memory was helpless.

“I’m fine…Thanks.” Y/N groaned as she flushed the toilet before rising up from the floor, feeling a bit better but still quite unsure.

“Sir, I don’t think you should be in the ladies’ room,” she told the man on the other side of the door.

And to her surprise, he replied with a laugh. “That’s why I’m in the men’s room.”

Y/N’s bloodshot eyes grew wide the moment she heard those words. She pulled the door open in an instant, then almost fell backward when she found Harry Styles standing right in front of her. Harry gave the girl a friendly smile, yet when he opened his mouth to speak, she immediately turned away and got back down on her knees to empty her stomach in the toilet bowl.

In the haze, Y/N could feel Harry kneeling down by her side, gently holding her hair back so it wouldn’t get in the way. It was a lovely gesture, she supposed, but he still had no idea she was his new assistant.

And the only thing on Y/N’s mind at this very moment was, her first day of this job could also be her last.

...

The girl in black carefully followed the path leading through the dark woods, with only the light from her oil lantern guiding the way. She was heading home alone, like a shadow under the moonlight, trying not to make a sound as her heart was pounding like a drum.

The young maiden could’ve got home early that night as she was so close to her village already. However, it was one of her good habits that became her obstacle — she never walked away from someone in need.

“Hello?! Can anyone hear me? I’m trapped!”

Her feet rooted to the ground when she heard the cry for help. The girl already had her guards up, ready to fight for her life, but there was no one around! At first, she thought it was just her imagination, then the desperate call repeated, louder this time. It took her a moment to realize it was coming from a hole on the ground a few steps away from where she stood.

“Who’s there?” she asked, carefully approaching the victim. Holding up her lantern above the hollow to get a better look of whoever was down there. When the light flashed across the person’s face, the girl was so terrified that she backed away from the edge.

“Hello, thank God! Could you please get me out of here?” begged the hopeless young man as he looked up. But this girl knew for certain he wasn’t just a man.

“You’re...You’re the Prince!”

“You recognize me?” Prince Edward smiled widely as he put both hands on his hips and heaved out a sigh of relief. “Great! Now could you please help me out?”

“No.”

Her answer came as a shock to the heir of the throne.

“Pardon?” he raised an eyebrow for no one had ever talked to him that way beside his father - the King.

“I said: No. In fact, I’d let you die down there, so your awful father could learn how it feels to lose someone he loves,” she told him bitterly. “I’m sure you’ve heard of how he burnt down villages because of those rumors about witches. He murdered my entire family. And now you’ve got the audacity to beg for my help?”

“Hey, hey, hey, lady, I don’t know who you are but I swear I knew nothing about those villages. I’m truly sorry about your family, and if you could help me I’d pay you as much as you’d like.”

“I don’t think you could afford it, unless you knew how to resurrect the dead!” The girl turned to walk away, ignoring the young Prince’s pleading from down below. It was getting late and she’d got no time for a conversation with a dying man. However, something occurred to her when she was finally far enough to not hear his voice anymore.

If she left him there to die, she’d be just as bad as his father.

“Your Highness.”

Edward shot his face up and grinned widely when he saw the girl had returned. She rolled her eyes skyward then sighed heavily before laying out her bargain, “if I save your life, would you do me a favor?”

“Anything!” Edward spoke too soon, after that he realized how risky this agreement could turn out to be and quickly added, “wait, if you want to turn me against my father, then I’m sorry I cannot give you my word!”

What he said made the girl laugh, then she assured him, “you don’t have to betray your family or your country, I promise. Do we have a deal?”

“Yes.” Edward nodded his head in response to the stranger standing on the edge of the hollow, holding his life in the palm of her hand. Now he could only count on his own judgement that she wasn’t going to kill him once he got out of there.

...

“How is she?” Harry asked the doctor once the man walked out of the room but Y/N wasn’t with him.

“She’s going to be fine,” the middle-aged man said with a gentle smile, making Harry feel more at ease. “The girl got food poisoning, not very serious so I’ve already given her some pills. Let her stay here for an hour to see if she feels any better then she can go.”

“Thank you, doctor” replied Harry as he shook the doctor’s hand then watched the man walk away. He intended to go into the room to check on his new assistant immediately, but the moment he grabbed the doorknob, the phone in his pocket buzzed to notify him of a new text. It was from his manager Jeffrey.

Hey are you alright?

Harry furrowed his eyebrows as he read the question.

I’m fine, I’m still at the hospital with Y/N. Why?

You haven’t seen the pictures?

What pictures?

Jeff left Harry’s latest message at seen so Harry had to find out on his own. He immediately went on social media (it’s sad how this was his first guess) and the first thing he saw was an article published by an online magazine with all the pictures of his girlfriend making out with another man.

Lillie Xander caught kissing a new man!!! Yikes! How does Harry Styles feel about this?

For that one second, Harry almost stopped breathing. He wished those photos hadn’t been real, that they’d been photoshopped and his girlfriend of two years hadn’t cheated on him. However, reality sucked, and he felt like a fool.

Harry was still staring at his phone when the door flew open all of a sudden and slammed with hard against his left arm! The girl behind it immediately mumbled her apology and she looked more frightened when she recognized who he was.

“Hey, shouldn’t you be lying down?” Harry asked Y/N while rubbing the sore spot on his arm, making his new assistant feel extremely guilty. Not only had she made him drive her all the way to the hospital and thrown up on his expensive jacket, but she also slammed him with the door. She was so in trouble after this.

“Am I fired?” she stared at him with her sad puppy dog eyes, and it took Harry a moment to take it in before he burst into laughter.

“You honestly thought I was going to fire you for being sick on your first day?”

“And for destroying your Gucci jacket and not being able to buy another one for you even if I sold myself.” She rolled her eyes backward and groaned out loud. “What the hell is wrong with me? I can’t get anything right.”

“Hey, hey, hey.” Harry caught her by surprise when he grabbed her arms, holding her firmly place so she would look at his face.

Y/N turned to stone the very moment she made eye-contact with her new boss. Suddenly, everything started playing in slow-motion as she fell into the loop of his intense stare. Despite having already seen plenty photos of this man, Y/N was certain that wasn’t the reason why she found those green eyes of his so familiar. She had seen them somewhere else before she just couldn’t remember where exactly. It wasn’t just a feeling that ‘I met you once on the street but I remember you because you’re gorgeous’, it was more like ‘we don’t know each other but I feel like we have for a really long time.’

“Have we met?” Harry was the one to ask that question, and not Y/N, which shocked her even more when she fell out of the maze that was his eyes.

“I would’ve remembered, trust me,” she said, chuckling dryly as her eyes stayed on his.

“Weird...” Harry mumbled to himself, shaking his head then immediately put on a smile. “Well, don’t worry, you’re not fired, and I’m not mad at you for anything that’s happened this morning.”

For some reason she couldn’t explain, Y/N knew that smile wasn’t sincere. There was something bothering this man and he was just so used covering up his emotions that he did it like a pro. He couldn’t fool her though.

However, she didn’t say anything about that, and just smiled back at him. “Thank you so much. I can’t lose another job again.”

“Again?” Harry looked at her, quite amused. “You’ve been fired before.”

“I wasn’t fired, I quit my last job...But I’m sure you’re not interested in my boring life stories.”

“I am interested,” he told her without pause. “Why don’t we go somewhere later and you tell me about that awful job that you quit? If we’re going to be working close to each other, we should get to know each other, right?”

“You sure? Because in the schedule Jeff sent me—”

“That’s my schedule, I can cancel any plan I want. Jeff’s my manager, not my boss.”

“But he’s mine.”

Harry chuckled while shaking his head no. “He’s not, I am. He can’t fire you unless I tell him too.”

“That’s powerful.” The words slipped out before Y/N can stop her lips. “Shit...did I just say that?”

Her face scrunched up in embarrassment when Harry let out a slight laugh. “It’s okay, I like you already. I think we’re gonna be a good team.”

“Hope so.” Y/N looked up as her eyes sparkled with joy. “Shall we go now?”

“No, the doctor told me to keep you here for an hour.”

“I’m fine now, just ignore the doctor.” She snorted then just walked right past Harry to the nearest exit.

He stayed at the same spot, watching her marching down the hall with his mouth agape, then when she noticed he wasn’t following her she stopped and turned around, looking all confused.

“What are you waiting for? Hurry!”

Harry snapped back to reality as he heard the sound of her voice. Then he shrugged off the foreign feeling in the pit of his stomach and ran forward to catch up with his new assistant.

#in another life series #harry styles #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles imagine #harry styles writing #harry styles series #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #harry styles smut #boyfriend!harry #bestfriend!harry #prince!harry #soulmate!harry #assistant!y/n

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airis-paris14 · 6 years ago

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Take a Break 20

Summary: AU where T’Challa loves Reader but is married to Nakia. Both of the women he loves try to convince him to take a break.

Warnings: fluff, self doubt, fluff, weddings, chick fil a

A/N: This is the end of the road. I’m so glad you’ve all been here with me. This was my first fic on tumblr. I’m so proud of how it turned out. I’m eternally grateful to all of the writers. ( @brianabreeze @kumkaniudaku @dramaqueenamby @royallyprincesslilly @90sinspiredgirl @halfrican-heat @sisterwifeudaku). Who were supportive of this new, upstart writer and her crazy idea. I sincerely hope you’ve all enjoyed. I look forward to keep writing fics for you all! Thank you so much for the journey. The next chapter of Redemption should be up soon. I’ve also got some other stories up my sleeve.

With all my love,

XO ❤️

“Now can you say Shuri?” The young scientist cooed. “Sure- ee.” Your son babbled in amusement as Shuri tried to combine him to say her name. “Suffe,” he giggled clapping his hands. “No sureee- eeee” the princess tried once again, to no avail. “Shuri,” you called. Alerting your son to your presence. He quickly reached out for you as you walked over to the princess. “Shuri, he is only nine months old. He can barely say, baba.” you grinned picking the chubby baby from her arms. ”hi umama's joy, ” you grinned. Kissing the young prince’s cheeks

“You are never to young to be a genius. Y/N look at me. I’ve been running the Wakandan technology department since I was 16. He could be doing it by 12.” The princess grinned. “Let’s get him walking first, then we can talk about becoming a child prodigy.” You smiled kissing the side of Shuri’s forehead. “Where is your brother?” You asked setting your son on his little feet. Gently supporting his arms, you followed him as he tried to toddle around. “Oh he told me to give this to you,” Shuri exclaimed handing you an elegantly folded note. “Here I’ll trade you Dakari for the note.” Shuri switched places with you. Dakari whimpered slightly as you walked from behind him. “I’m right here unyana wam,” you kissed his cheek once more before settling on the bench.

Hello my love,

I will be back late from my meeting tonight. Okoye has the project plans for the next phase of The Lost Tribe.

All my love,

T’Challa

“I guess I should actually get some work done today,” you sighed pushing yourself up off of the bench. “Come on Dakari. Let’s get some work done before Baba gets home,” The young prince giggled. You laughed, sweeping him out of Shuri’s arms. You both gave the princess a hug. “I’ll see you at dinner eh?” Shuri nodded her assent. You kissed her forehead once more. Carrying Dakari on your hip, you began the short walk to the training rooms.

The sounds and smells of the gym, hit you long before the sight did. The Dora stood in challenge formation, as a new initiate battled Okoye. Noticing your presence, the general winked before flipping the poor woman on her back. ”that will be all for the day, ” she smiled, extending an arm to help the woman up. ”Good job Aduba, we will continue working. But today you held your own. For that, I am proud.” the general smiled. Aduba’s smile stretched across the planes of her face. She saluted the general in time with the other Dora. Before running excitedly to her friends.

Okoye walked over to you. Her attention was immediately drawn to the giggling Dakari. ”nkosana wam omncinci, ” she cooed. ”the little prince is not so little anymore, ” you huffed, shifting Dakari higher on your hip. ”he will be a great warrior, ” she smiled.

”so far he is a certified genius and a great warrior. I'm afraid unyana wam will have the biggest head of them all, ” You teased, while Dakari giggled. You bounced him on your hip. ”T’Challa said you had some business plans for me?” You questioned the general. “Ah, Yes. I had them taken to your office when I decided to train.” She frowned apologetically. “Eh, I guess I will go do a final sweep through of the chateau before the construction workers come for renovations. Would you like to come with us?” You offered. “I am afraid I cannot. We are getting together to plan Ayo’s surprise party while she is out of town. “I was wondering who could convince the general to take a trip off,” You teased, I should have known only Ayo could do it.”

“Well, she was right. I trust that she can take care of T’Challa. We also needed to work on this party.” the woman admitted. “I will not hold you long then. I will be looking for my invitation in the mail,” you smiled. Okoye nodded once more before jogging over to the Doras. Your Kimoyo beads hummed gently on your wrist. You turned your palm up in surprise, before your mother’s hologram appeared from your beads. “So she is alive?” she sassed, raising an eyebrow in faux shock. “Hello to you too umama,” you sighed as you started your journey out to the car. “What is all that sighing for?” she frowned. “Because you aren’t calling about me mama.” She feigned shock, “Who says I am not calling about my wonderful, beautiful, daughter who can take care of herself.”

Mama, you have not asked about me since Dakari was born,” you frowned slightly. “Since you brought it up, how is my little Daka?” your mother grinned. Making kissy faces at the baby in your arms. “Goodbye mama,” you sighed about to turn your wrist over. “Wait a minute. I don’t know who you think you are, hanging up in your mother’s face like that. Don’t get too grown miss thang.” the older woman fussed through the phone. “I am sorry umama.” you apologized. “Now, I was calling to ask if i could hang out with you and Daka today. If you aren’t too busy?” she inquired. “Only if you do not mind watching him so I can get some work done.” you offered. “I never mind,” she grinned. “I’ve got to stop by my office to grab some paperwork then we will be by to pick you up.” you explained. “I am looking forward to it. See you soon babycakes.” She blew a final kiss into the beads. You turned your wrist over. Pushing open your office door, you grabbed the new files off of your desk. “What do you think about going old school today Daka?” you cooed. Walking down the halls, you quickly notified the security of your departure. Grabbing the keys to the car you shared with T’Challa, you stepped in to the brightly lit garage.

You sat Dakari on one hip, hoisting the baby car seat onto the other. You briefly sat dakari in the front seat. Maneuvering the seat into the car, you grabbed the prince and placed him his car seat. At your command, the seat belts slid into place. Ignoring Dakari’s cries of protest, you slipped into the front seat. Waving the metal key plate over the sensor, the car locked into your kimoyo beads. The engine purred quietly as you switched rinto reverse. Ari Lennox poured through the speakers. The city center fell behind as you headed to your mother’s house. You smoothly floated into the driveway. Not wanting to leave Dakari alone, and not necessarily wanting to take him out of the seat.You sent your mother a quick message.

A minute later she appeared on the front porch. Quickly locking the front door, she glides down the steps and into the back seat. After showering Dakari with kisses she settled in, finally turning to you. “Hey baby,” she smiled. “Hey mama.” You pulled the car into gear and quickly began the journey to Gracemeadow.

“How are you my love?” Your mom called from the backseat. Dakari latched onto her finger, playing in his own little world. “I’m good. Been rather busy lately.” You signaled a turn. The hover train passed by quietly. “That’s good. Are you adjusting to the new workload well?” She inquired. “ I believe so. Most of my duties are speaking and interacting with the people. Also with social outreach. The worst parts are paperwork and council meetings. I still prefer paperwork to having to deal with the elders,” you frowned.

“Ah Yes, those pompous pain in the asses,” your mother frowned as well. Your mouth fell open in shock. As long as you had known her, your mother was not one to use obscene language for no reason. “What? I have had my fair share of runs ins with the council,” she shrugged, the corners of her mouth turning up into the hint of a smile. “Believe or not, who the best friend of the king marries, is kind of a big deal. Council had your grandparents and I vetted twice.” She explained. “You’re joking right?” She laughed. “I wish I was..,” she paused, “speaking of Royal men. How is my son in law?” A laugh tumbled out of your throat before you could stop it. “What is so funny?”

“Mama. No one is married. You’ve been calling T’Challa your son in law since the day you met him. Back in year 10.” You smiled, recalling the way the then prince’s eyes widened in shock. “Call it mother’s intuition, but I just knew it was meant to be. You two were going to get together, and stay together. Albeit a very roundabout way, you both made the way back to each other.” She grinned. “And you both gave me my favorite grandchild.” She cooed over Dakari. “Mama, Daka is your only grandchild, unless there’s something I need to,” you started. “For now.” She interrupted. “Though. If T’Challa gets his way, he won’t be alone for long,” the older woman grinned as the car landed gently in front of the chateau.

“What do you mean has his way,” You turned to face her as she unbuckled your son. “Don’t try to fool me. The way you two go at it. Even now that Dakari is born, I’m surprised you’re not pregnant again.” She dismissed. Stepping out of the car with a sleeping Dakari. “Now I know he’s got a promise ring and a whole country on the premise that he’s going to marry you. But have you two talked about making it official?” She pressed following behind as you unlocked the wooden door. “It is official mama. I am a queen in training.”

“Yeah yeah yeah, that’s all good and great for you. But I mean wedding date official.” She insisted, shutting the large door behind her. Your sandled feet padded around on the tile floors as you searched the corners of the kitchen. “We will when we are ready mama. We’ve been in counciling for a few months. It’s been beneficial to us both. We both had some issues to deal with. The biggest thing has been trust and vulnerability. I am ready whenever T’Challa is, But I will not rush him to his decision. He needs to be ready to take that leap with me. If he’s not there yet, he’s not there yet. That’s ok.” You explained.

“ I am glad you all are taking the time to better yourselves. But is been ten years. 8 of those you’ve been together for. Time is marching on. Neither of your are getting any younger. Don’t you want to start a family?” She insisted. “We have started a family.” you rebutted. “One that is planned,” she corrected. You turned in frustration as she stared at you from the kitchen island. You sighed, gently falling back onto the kitchen counter. You took the moment to glance out he window, your mother lightly bouncing Dakari back to sleep. Your head dropped with the outpouring of breath. Searching for the right way to express your feelings. “For the past two weeks, T’Challa has barely said two words to me umama. It went from nightly calls to letters. Letters that he has passed to me through other people. For Bast’s sake they are typed mama. He doesn’t even take the time to write me a letter.” your voice quivered with unshed tears. You dabbed at the corner of your eyes where you felt tears beginning to form. “intombazana yakho,” your mother started as you wiped furiously at the tears that watered the roses of your cheeks. “I did not mean to hurt you,” she tried again. Laughter strangled its way out of your throat. The soft sound worried your mother. Shaking your head, you grabbed the closest dish towel to dry your eyes. “No, I shouldn’t have worried you.” you apologized. “I… I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I have done something. If I messed it all up.” Your mother frowned. Cradling Dakari in one arm she made her way over to you and pulled you close. “Do not blame yourself my love. Just talk to him.” she soothed, rubbing circles on the curve of your back. “And you never worry me ok. It’s my job to be here for you. Even now, when you’ve got a child of your own.” You nodded, continuing to gather the tears that streamed down your face.

The sound of the front door opening startled you both. “Hello?” T’Challa’s voice rang through the house. “Entle?” Your betrothed’s voice reached Dakari’s ears. Your son began to cry out for his father. As the footsteps padded closer, you turned to the sink, scrambling to wipe the tears from under your eyes. “Umama,” T’challa’s voice laced with surprise filled the room. You heard them embrace before Dakari’s giggled floated through the room. His change in arms was now evident. “Entle?” T’Challa addressed you, “Y/N? Are you not happy to see me?” he teased. “Come on Dakari,” your mom interrupted. “Come one baby boy, I’ll show you where you lived while you were in mommy’s tummy.” The little prince whined, his grandmother prying him from his father’s arms. The king waited until your mother had left the room before her approached you. “Entle? What happened. You fidgeted with the dish towel, straightening it over and over as you avoided the question that currently sat. Fat and heavy on your vocal chords. “T’Challa, did I do something wrong?” you whispered. “What? Why would you think that?” he came closer, turning you to face him. “I.. I just- You haven’t looked at me in weeks T’Challa.” you confessed.

“What do you mean,” he frowned, “We’ve been with each other every night. Multiple times a night love. I don’t think I could do much more,” he laughed cautiously. “No.. Not that… I mean that’s fine- I mean it’s great,” you rambled. “Then what do you mean entle. I cannot help until you communicate a problem.” he stooped down to catch your gaze. Which up until then, had been intent on studying the marble floors. “ Outside of the bedroom. In the halls, I try to catch your eye and you look the other direction. You are always out with Nakia or Okoye. You spend hours in the lab with shuri and ask not to be disturbed. You take dinner in your office. Alone. You come in. We have sex. Then you’re up before the sun, and gone long before I wake.” you spilled. Emotions flooded back into your voice. T’challa’s head dropped, and so did your heart. “It’s just, if- if you didn’t want me around anymore you should have said so.” the last words, tumbled out as a whisper. Silence smothered the room as T’Challa hung his head in silence. “I should have listened to Shuri,” he finally cursed. “What?” you asked tentatively. “I am sorry Entle,” he apologized. He took both of your hands in his own. “I was trying to surprise you.” he sighed. “I was with Nakia and Okoye trying to find a ring for you. So I could propose. I mean we went to every country in the world. I couldn’t make up my mind. So the last time. I asked Shuri to accompany us. And we found it.” his mouth broke into a grin. “I was planning this whole elaborate plan. And Dakari and I had matching suits.” his enthusiasm was infectious. You soon found yourself grinning slightly as well. “ I was trying to keep it a secret. I knew if I was around you too long I would tell it all. So I tried to avoid you,” his grin fell, “ but it seems I hurt you instead. I am truly sorry entle. I just wanted to surprise you.” he frowned. “Oh,” silence filled the kitchen once more, “ I guess I always ruin your surprises huh?” you joke half heartedly. He came to lean against the counter next to you. Intertwining your fingers, he pressed a light kiss to your knuckles. “Mhmm,” he hummed, “ I am sorry I caused you to doubt yourself. It was never you.” He assured. “Hmm… What happened with the ring?” you pried innocently. “Noo,” T’Challa laughed. “What. I just asked a question?” You shrugged. “I’ve already ruined the surprise partly. Let me have this one thing,” the king begged. “Fine,” you conceded. “You want something to drink?” You walked over to the large fridge, which you always kept stocked with water. “I am good. Shuri made us stop by her favorite restaurant before we came back.” He replied, watching you move around the kitchen. Fingering the velvet box in his suit pocket. “Oh,” you glanced over your shoulder. You grabbed a couple of water bottles out of the closet. Moving towards the fridge to restock the bottles. “Yeah, quite a curious little establishment.” he replied, watching as you moved back to the pantry for more water. “They are unlike any other american restaurant i’ve been to entle. I mean- They make tons of money selling chicken, and lemonade. While only being open 6 days a week. With reasonable hours.” T’Challa explained. Your snort surprised and warmed the young king’s heart as you placed the remaining bottles in the fridge. As his fingers ran over the black box, he knew this was the moment.

“Chick-fil-a?” your laugh pulled him back down to earth. “Yes! I have become quite fond of that American Lemonade.” he laughed. He took a deep breath, and kneeled behind you. “Think we could get it flown in for the wedding?” he finished. ‘Are you serious T’Challa? You laughed, closing the large fridge door. You shook your head turning to find the love of your life kneeling before you. Your gasp prompted him to speak. “Very. Because I want you Y/N Fezile to marry me. To be my wife, and raise our son together. And to sip lemonade together. You in the most beautiful dress ever created wearing my ring and my last name. Forever.”

I think we should call Chick-fil-a,” you cried ambushing him in a bear hug after a pregnant silence. His laugh filled the room, “We should huh?” You nodded as tears streamed down your face. He gently gripped your left hand and pulled the stunning ring out of the box. A fresh wave of tears cascaded down your cheeks as it slid over your finger. “Its beautiful T’Challa,” you sighed. The ring glinted in the setting sun.”You are beautiful,” T’Challa pressed a kiss to the ring. Dakari crawled from around the corner. He plopped himself in the middle of you two. “Our family, is beautiful.” T’Challa corrected kissing his son’s cheek. “Our family is the future. And the future is beautiful,” You smiled. Pressing a kiss to both of your boys’ cheeks. The sun setting behind the small family. Only to rise again, over Wakanda. And its new royal family.

Taglist!:

@almostpurelysmut @blackbypurpose @nyneebee @hutchj @tchoking @sisterwifeudaku @wikiwakanda @royallyprincesslilly @90sinspiredgirl @strictlyashley @afraiddreamingandloving @thedelightfulone @autumn242 @purple-apricots @kumkaniudaku @queertrex @kaciidubs @halfrican-heat @skysynclair19 @dramaqueenamby @gorjiss @leahnicole1219 @kreolemami @mzbritt @yoyolovesbucky @derangedcupcake @builtalongthewayside @ilcb7 @chaneajoyyy @lalapalooza718 @ororowrites

#tchalla #tchalla fanfiction #blackpantherimagines #tchalla imagine #okoye x tchalla #tchalla x nakia #tchalla x reader #okoye x reader #shuri udaku #shuri x reader #tchalla x you #tchalla x oc #tchalla x black!oc #tchalla x black! reader #tchalla x pregnant!reader #tchalla x #aafics #bpapfics #tabfic

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goawaysugardrop-blog · 6 years ago

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SUGARDROP50 CALLOUT POST

CONTRIBUTORS: Darth | Shining | RainbowB | Carl DISCLAIMER: DO NOT GO WITCHHUNT THE USER MENTIONED IN THIS CALLOUT. WHILE WE DO FIND HIS ACTIONS UNCALLED FOR, THREATENING PEOPLE’S LIVES IS EVEN MORE HARMFUL.

Youtube/Twitter user Sugardrop50, or otherwise known as bart-enderman on Tumblr, is a known Miitopia artist. However, behind closed doors, the user is also known for having to have been abusive towards Shining, their former datefriend, going as far as doxxing them and making them feel unsafe in the Miitopia community altogether, making them go as far as leaving the Amino they once lived to avoid him. He is also known to have allegedly reblogged NSFW of incest, and drew art of his Ex-Dark Lord that’s a child, via child pornography. This callout post will consist of the many witnesses who have been aware of his behavior, and you’ll be hearing from the victim themselves.

- EVIDENCE #1: NSFW BLOG

The user had previously owned a NSFW blog dedicated to posting inappropriate art that contained incestual and pedophilic themes. The previous blog name, which went by sugardrop-nsfw, was known to have multiple instances of art pieces that promoted said themes, and had drawn a sketch their Miitopia OC being raped by Terror Fiends (bestiality) in two pictures, both as the Dark Lord and as the Ex-Dark Lord. The blog lasted for about a week until deletion, possibly due to fearing they would be spotted of their fetishization of children. Evidence is currently lost, but please notify us if you have any photos of the NSFW art.

- EVIDENCE #2: DOXXING

Sugardrop50, prior to the breakup with Shining, immediately went berserk and went as far as sending someone to dox them of their address. Minutes after the breakup, the victim would receive an anonymous message that would as them if they “live on Bell Street.” Fortunately, the victim informed their father of the doxxing. Sugardrop would be dismissive of the threat as well and taunt Shining.

- EVIDENCE #3: MISINFORMATION

The man has made a callout post in regards to Shining on Tumblr, mainly regarding the suicidal or depressed feelings they had during their relationship. However, despite the evidence he had placed on said callout post, most of it was misinformed, and most of the evidence is Sugardrop, himself, being very self-centered, mainly showing how much of a controlling person he was.

- EVIDENCE #4: TOXIC/ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR

Sugardrop is known to have been viciously toxic towards not just Shining but others in the community. There had been numerous witnesses who have been at the receiving end of this behavior and his childish outbursts. Others have also witnessed their terrible treatment of other users in Discord servers, or have almost been manipulated by him.

- EVIDENCE #5: BEING IRRATIONAL AND JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS

Despite numerous reminders from both Shining and other people, Sugardrop has made other irrational claims before, most of which are false accusations of others. During most of the relationship with Shining, Sugardrop would try and place blame on them for not having enough money or a job despite Shining telling them over and over again that they were job searching and trying to build up their portfolio in order to have better luck getting a job in their chosen field. Other times, Shining would be away from messages and be doing something non-Sugardrop/Discord/Miitopia related and instead do something like be in class or shopping for groceries and Sugardrop wouldn’t like not talking to them for long periods of time. Shining even went to Sweden over the summer for a vacation and Sugardrop wanted to hear from them every day. In short, if Shining was not online then Sugardrop was displeased.

- EVIDENCE #6: SUGARDROP’S OWN UNSTABLE MENTAL HEALTH

Despite the terrible mental illness presented in Sugardrop’s callout of their ex, Sugardrop also faced events of wanting to end their own life. They would seek out Shining and express how bad they felt and their desire to end themselves as Shining would try to talk him down. This, in turn, made Shining feel like life wasn’t worth living without Sugardrop and even tried to kill themselves without their knowledge. These events passed back and forth and created a warped, if not eventually toxic relationship. The effects of living with his father is actually from when he lived with his sister to get away from his parents and his sister still treated him badly as well and this made him seal his own emotions to appear cold and disheartened, causing Shining to be dragged along.

- EVIDENCE #7: PRESSURE OF SEXUAL RELATIONS/CONTENT

Shining identifies as Agender and Panromantic and went by she/her pronouns during the course of the relationship. They told Sugardrop this and he told them that he was okay with this but later dropped hints of wanting sexual relations before outright telling them. Shining denied advances before giving in due to pressure. An additional note is that Sugardrop even labeled their relationship as ‘straight’ despite Shining retelling him of their gender identity multiple times.

- EVIDENCE #8: REFUSAL OF OUTSIDE RELATIONS

It was evident now that Sugardrop was a very controlling person. During the relationship with Shining, Shining desired to be friends with others or to keep previous friendships. Sugardrop was not too keen on this and even threw sad fits over Shinings wishes and tried to earn pity points with them to try and waive their interests. Even friends of the two would converse about talking or trying to be friends with other people and Sugardrop would give a stubborn ‘no’ or vaguely sad argument to dishearten them. Shining expressed desires of befriending a person and Sugardrop somehow jumped to the idea of Shining wishing to date this new friend and became distant.

- EVIDENCE #9 - VAGUING

Within the past several weeks, Sugardrop has been talking behind the backs of Shining and other known abuse victims. When Shining made a video venting their feelings in regards to the situation, he immediately lost it, making numerous outbursts and sending other people to harass them and several other friends online. While doing so, many anonymous people called him out on using excuses to deny the fact he’s the one who abused her. To add insult to insult to injury, he would also have an outburst on anonymous people who called him out on what he’s done.

Statement from Shining:

A lot of Sugardrop’s callout is aimed at my self-destructive behavior that had built up from the relationship. I was not of sound mind during the end of this toxic relationship due to Sugardrop being the only one I talked to 24/7 and he was the keeper of all my secrets back then. He was very clingy and would talk down to me for not having a job despite him not having a job himself, would forget and throw a fit as to why I would be away from chatting with him for a time (this was mostly when I had to keep reminding him that I was trying to get a better job or internship in animation but had a weak animation/demo reel to show to studios or companies so I was trying to work on that, I even was poor and in bad living conditions myself and wanted to meet up with him so searching for a job would help with money problems for both of us), and even humiliate or joke on me publicly even when I told him to stop. There’s more to go on about with his mean behavior not only to me but my friends and others in contact with us or just strangers on the same server.

Being around Sugardrop put a drain on me. For a long time I wanted out of this relationship, but after being with him for so long I feared what would happen to me if I broke off the relationship. We both left a server because of another person suicide-baiting everyone and sending me death threats to a friend and me later down the line. I was afraid I wouldn’t be welcomed back in that server due to siding with him based on how he handled the situation. Thankfully everything worked out in the end where the person was booted out of the server and I could safely come back in (though that person would later come back and threaten me and a friend so a callout post was made at them before they apologized and the post was taken down to give them a second chance, sadly they’ve gone back to dirt-talking about me and even claim that I hate them and haven’t moved on from them even though I barely even think about them anymore) and was I was able to regain some mental stability.

During our relationship he did confirm to me that he was plotting his own suicide and I would be the one trying to talk him down but this would mostly end with him ending the conversation on a vague note for the night and me going to bed screaming and crying into my pillows. This wore me down so much over time and my confidence shattered badly while my own anxiety and depression skyrocketed because I became so dependant on him. Mind you, this was my first relationship too so I thought that some of this was normal, to an extent. Part of the reason this relation lasted so long was because I was completely clueless on some parts as to how romantic relationships worked. I was a coward for not breaking this off sooner and felt trapped in the relationship.

My mental health worsened and I told him I couldn’t go on anymore, I hadn’t felt so bad in years. I eventually did find the courage to calm myself down and sought out help online (my psychiatrist wasn’t open 24/7 and you had to make reservations ahead of time, it was a gamble trying to get her on the line when it was an emergency). Eventually I did feel better and even started talking with other friends and have a calming down time being away from chatting since I needed a breather from Sugardrop. He was glad that I was feeling better until I told him that I sought help online. He blew up and I finally snapped- ending the relationship.

It took me months to get better, during the first few weeks I was a mess trying not to cry in front of others or in front of my driving instructors (the driving training was hard on me because I pushed for it so much just so I could get experience to go and see him since we lived in the same state). I was finally able to recover and move on, deleting his contact number, blocking him on all medias he told me he was on, and deleting everything he ever said or gave me. There was no way he’d come back into my life.

Then he showed up on the Miitopia Amino and I had a panic attack and felt very depressed, I was even shaking sometimes due to the idea of him being in a space I thought was safe for me. I eventually learned to ignore him and put him out of my mind but then I had a terrible nightmare about him and decided that this was it- being on the Amino with him around was not possible for me unless I were to face a steep decline of my mental health. I asked a mod to see if anything could be done but this was deemed an ‘outside issue’ so there was nothing more, so that was it. I made a note saying I couldn’t be on there anymore due to me being unsafe since I was popular there and didn’t want to feel guilty for leaving them. I had a withdrawal from Amino and spoke with friends about it, trying to gain back some confidence and mental stability. Then a friend messaged me about my ex having a twitter where I saw that he was attacking one of my posts and even linking a callout towards me on his new tumblr. I had a panic attack and had to tell people I knew immediately about what was going on. He had successfully entered my life again, this time against my will. His post is full of misinformation and he points out a post I made where I was feeling bad for feeling like I had messed up a friendship at school.

I’m thankful that friends and strangers alike have come to my defense and have torn down his callout but there is little chance of me ever speaking to him again still and I would prefer it if I ever to never see him again. I’m still recovering from what he did and him putting false accusations of me has set me back farther. I’m trying to heal and being away from him has worked pretty well so far. I love my friends and everyone who supports me, thank you.

#discourse/#cp/#callout/#callout post/#harassment/#toxic behavior/#nsfw/#drama/#abuse/

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theonetheycallhannah · 4 years ago

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The Treatment of Captain Syverson-Chapter 11: Discharge Plan

Characters: Captain Syverson x OFC (Shane Dawson)

Summary: The highs of Shane and Sy’s first weekend as a couple are followed up by some big news from Sy, leading to our couple’s first fight.

Don’t miss a session! Click here to catch up on this story or explore my other works!

Word Count: 2.7

Warnings: Language, mature themes, smut, sort of unprotected sex, rough-ish sex, angst, alcohol consumption,

Author’s Note: First off, I wanna talk about the word “victuals.” I’ve loved this word for a long time, even though it makes no sense, phonetically as it actually rhymes with the “fiddles” or “riddles.”(It’s true, look it up!) It’s very pastoral and somewhat archaic, so you don’t hear it too much anymore in current writing about the present, but I just felt like Sy would say it. Secondly, it was really hard for me to put my darlings through the argument in this chapter. I want them to have only happy times…but that provides no tension or motivation for story development…and I want to keep writing them more than I want them to be happy… I guess I finally understand why authors torture their characters! Lol! It might take a bit of time for me to sort out what their relationship looks like adding the distance factor, but I have some ideas that might work. Also, it might be an opportunity to do a bit more of Sy’s perspective, which I thoroughly enjoy, and may go back and fill in some blanks for him in between chapters I’ve already done. I hope you all enjoy this installment of the Treatment of Captain Syverson! Feedback in any form is always appreciated!

Disclaimer: Unfortunately for me, Henry is not mine, le sigh, and all mention of him, his characters, any characters from his films, or his precious doggy, Kal, are strictly for transformative and recreational use. I neither ask for, nor accept payment for the work I post on Tumblr or AO3. Unbeta’d because this is for fun and escapism.

Tags:

@onlyhenrys

@cavillryarchive

@summersong69

@titty-teetee

@bloodyinspiredfuck

@agniavateira

@oddsnendsfanfics

@omgkatinka

@thisismysecretthirstblog

@misslaland

@speakerforthedead0

@tumblnewby

@suavechops

@radkesgirl83

@wheretheriversrunintothesea

Hope I’m not forgetting anyone! If you want to be notified when I post a new chapter or work, I’ll be happy to add you to my tag list! Stricken blogs are getting personal messages from me when a new chapter is uploaded because Tumblr’s faulty tagging system will not stand in the way of me delivering what the people want!(?) lol! (Although…their lackadaisical notification system might…sorry for that. I have no control. lol!)

X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@

The rest of the weekend was spent in blissful relaxation. Sy went to his place to feed Aika and bring her over at Shane's insistence. The dog had been slightly standoffish with her, but Sy assured her that it was in her nature to be aloof, and that she needed to be engaged or instructed to behave more doglike.

"It's her training. She's still a soldier. It's hard for us to shake those habits. Like me calling you 'ma'am' at first."

"She's another die hard. I respect that." she chuckled, scratching Aika behind her perked ears, and eliciting pants of contentment from her.

Sy's skills with a spatula were unmatched. That was to say, he made the best pancakes she'd ever had. They almost didn't need syrup…almost. They ordered an obscene amount of Chinese takeout which lasted them about three meals each. Sunday evening, though, which had a gloom to it no matter the circumstances, required some comfort food. They agreed on pasta, so Shane made up some of her famous alfredo sauce and probably twice the recommended portion of pasta for two humans to consume. There were no leftovers. Sy had three helpings, himself. Three heaping bowls of it. Shane couldn't handle more than one and a half servings, even though she wanted to gorge herself. She knew too much would make her ill.

When they weren't eating, the were cuddling on the couch, or in Shane's bed. They watched more Parks and Rec, and a few other films and shows that Sy requested, just to break things up. Their bodies were constantly wrapped in each other, leading to frequent bouts of making out, fooling around, and sex in almost every room of the house.

Her favorite had been the shower. She insisted on getting cleaned up, but Sy had objections.

~~~~~~~~

"I'll be less than ten minutes, come on, I reek! You can't wanna kiss me when I smell like this!" she said, trying to shut the bathroom door on the human mack truck before her. Broad and formidable.

"You smell like sex, and…me, darlin. I've never wanted to kiss you more," he said, backing her up toward the shower doors. "but I guess if you must. Lemme help, though." he pulled open the glass door, forcing her into his captivating kiss, and maneuvering her backward into the walk-in, stone tile shower. He pulled off her tank top, capturing her breasts in his hands and mouth for a moment before kneeling to remove her shorts and kiss her thighs. He pulled himself away too quickly and started the water flowing.

"Sy, you're fully dressed!" he was barefoot, but otherwise, in jeans and her favorite of his tees. The letters DILLIGAF across a skull, black on red. She always laughed on the inside when she saw it. Because although Sy often had to put on a calloused and brusque act when he'd been an officer in the Army, he was terribly soft and sweet when the occasion called for it. The irony being that although he didn't look like he gave a fuck, he actually did.

"I've got more clothes in the truck and you've got a dryer." he maneuvered her under the pulsing stream of the showerhead. "Gotta get you wet." he let the water run through her hair as he reached for her shampoo, a coconutty concoction that reminded her of summer, squeezed a bit into his hand, and lathered it up. He worked the suds into her wet hair gently, raking his nails across her scalp in a way that excited and ignited every atom in her. She sighed at his touch which made him groan with need.

He tilted her head back to rinse the lather out and reached for the conditioner. He was a bit more generous with it than strictly necessary, but she didn't protest. He pulled her hair forward in two sections, one over each shoulder and worked the emollient into the strands. His hands slick from the product, he ran them over her breasts and her abdomen and hips…between her legs. There her own arousal was primed to combine with the tropical unction. She gasped as he worked his fingers over her, slow at first, but speeding up, only to slow again. When she finally whimpered in frustration, he undid his jeans, and backed her up to the stony grey wall, not giving a fuck, as his shirt had suggested, that he and his clothes were getting soaked. His only care now apparently, was to satisfy the simpering cries of "yes, please." from Shane.

His first few thrusts were slow and measured, knowing that she was still adjusting to his size. But it didn't take long for him to lose control. She wasn't sure what was making him like this, but she was not complaining in the least. The texture of his jeans on her bare, wet thighs was a sensation she wouldn't soon forget. She gripped at him, holding onto his shirt for dear life as her climax built to impossible heights.

She was loving the way he lost himself in the ferocity of the act. And his release led to hers immediately. She wrapped herself around him in blissful embrace, and whispered his name as a prayer.

"Sorry, darlin,' I meant to…"

"It's okay. I'm on the pill and I'm not at a particularly dangerous time in my cycle."

He kissed her tenderly and reached for her bath puff and some body wash. "Well, let’s get ya cleaned up."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The only good part about Monday was that she'd be treating him. Although, he was scheduled in the afternoon. Her morning would drag on eternal.

He greeted her with a typical "hey, susnshine" and she led him into the gym, feeling his gaze on her ass, wanting, even though they'd just left each other quite satisfied that morning. He was freshly showered, beard well groomed, and his hair growing back in very nicely. He'd asked her weeks ago whether he should keep the buzzed look or not, and she had been entirely for growing it out. She wanted something to run her hands through. She'd be fine if it was at least shoulder length, but she wouldn't push that on him.

They did their normal warm up on the bikes, followed by some plyometric drills, which made him scowl at her in a way that lit her up like a firecracker. But the fact that he was able to jump up onto the box was encouraging. He couldn't have done that a month ago. He was progressing so well and was so close to his long term goals and discharge. It almost made Shane sad. It wasn't as though they wouldn't see each other, but having him break up the insanity of her day three times a week for just an hour was invaluable.

As they were doing their usual end of the session stretch in her treatment room, and she noted the improved range of motion he was getting, he broke the amiable silence with a question.

"Hey, can I bring a pizza or somethin' over for dinner tonight after you get off?"

"Sure!" she could tell there was something he wanted to say, but was holding back. She prodded. "Everything okay? You've been a bit…off today."

"I'm good. Just a little distracted." he deflected by touching her hip, grinning like the Cheshire Cat. She swatted him away.

"Not here, Sy."

"But that makes it fun!" he pouted.

"No, that really could get me fired! Getting frisky on company time!"

"Mmmm, I'd love to frisk you right now." he reached between their legs to try and grab her again, but she thwarted him and pinned his wrists at his ears.

"Cool it, cowboy, or your last two sessions are gonna make you wish you'd never met me." she threatened.

"Ain't nothin', nothin' on God's good green earth could make me wish that, sunshine." His stunning blue eyes softened her resolve and she let go, continuing to stretch him.

"Still…cool it." she grinned.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She'd just had time to change into some comfy clothes, wash her face, and put her hair up when her doorbell rang.

Sy stood smiling under the porch light, a modern white knight, carrying a large pizza from Pizza Hut and a six pack of Miller High Life.

"Aren't you a sight for sore eyes! And it's nice to see you too, Sy!" she laughed, teasing him.

"Should I leave the victuals and go?" he asked, mock concern on his sarcastic brow.

"Get in here, soldier."

She got out napkins and paper plates because as horrible as it sounded, she just couldn't think about doing dishes tonight. She was even glad Sy had brought drinks in disposable or recyclable containers, and not wine, which she tended to prefer. She was exhausted, but not upset, which made the silence they ate in bearable. Sy still seemed to have something on his mind, though.

"Did you have something you wanted to talk about tonight, Sy?"

"Kinda, yeah, uh…it's kind of a big thing for me, and I know this is new, what we have, but…well, I'll just tell ya."

"Go on." she encouraged, worried.

"I…I talked to my old CO about jobs in the private sector. He referred me to a company that…well it's sort of an employment agency for vets. Mostly security for private companies and individuals. I had a phone interview with them this past Tuesday. I just got a call this morning that they want to meet me in person to finalize everything. Mostly a formality. When I go for that, I'll also have to stay there a couple of weeks to a month for training."

"Where is this…gig?" She said, flat affect hiding the feelings brewing under her skin.

"The offices are in Charlottesville…Virginia. And there may be some cross country training there in Shenandoah National Park."

"Cross country…by that do you mean survival training?" She was still cool, but getting more livid.

"You could call it that, I guess. But it won't be a challenge for me. I'm more worried about the technical stuff." His bravado and flippancy about the whole endeavor was enraging her. The thought that he'd be in the wilderness alone, was only a fraction of the big picture. He was going away for a month? And he had known about the job for a week now. A week in which so much about their relationship had changed, and shifted. How could he think she'd just accept this without a bit of raging.

"You waited until after we slept together to tell me this. You did it on purpose, Sy." that was the biggest problem, she thought. The fact that he seemed to be hiding it from her. It brought back old trauma that she thought he'd never have subjected her to.

"Yes and no, Shane. I wasn't intentionally keeping anything from you, I just didn't wanna bring it up until somebody bit."

"You wanted to keep me in the dark about something you were excited about? How do you think that makes me feel?"

"I didn't wanna get your hopes up or mine. Honestly."

"Saying 'honestly' doesn't make it honest, Sy. I've told you about everything that Elliott put me through. The lies. The secrets. This puts a bad taste in my mouth. You have to see that. Can't you?"

"Oh, sunshine, I--"

"No, please. Do not do that right now. Don't call me sunshine when all I can see is the night."

"I'm so sorry. My intention was not to make you feel in any way like that asshole ever did. Please hear me when I say that. I want to be the opposite of him in your mind in every way, darlin.' Please believe that."

There was so much sincerity in his voice, now nearing tearfulness that she felt he must be telling her the truth. She nodded. But was still apprehensive about the nature of the job and the training.

"But…what if you get hurt again?"

"I won't. You've all but fixed me, Shane. I'm stronger than ever."

"Can't you just…find a safe job? Here?" She was being selfish. She couldn't help it. Even though she knew she might regret it.

"Sit at a desk, ya mean? Deliver pizzas?" he indicated the box between them on the table. "Call people and ask them if they're happy with their cable services, Shane? Is that all I'm good for now?" he was angry.

"I didn't mean it like that."

"No, of course not. You're a PT. That's what you were meant to do, right? Well, imagine if you couldn't do that no more. Something or another, an injury, perhaps, or just plain ol' shitty situation, left you in a position where you couldn't go back. Couldn't do your dream job. Couldn't fulfill your purpose." he spat. "Wouldn't you do anything you could to be some shadow of what you were meant to be?"

She couldn't speak. Because he was right in so many ways.

"Because right now, I'm nothin'. I'm not doin' anyone any good. I'm a drain on my country, the one I swore to protect with my very life. It's like I've broken an oath. And it's fractured my soul."

"I see that. I truly do. But I need you here. You do ME good, Sy. I'm already half dreading d/c'ing you. I don't wanna have to say a goodbye, too." it was her truth. But it hit him very much sideways.

"So…what is it, Shane? You only want me when I'm broken? You only want me so you can fix me?"

"No, of course not! That's not what--"

"Am I a charity case to ya now? Is that why ya finally gave in and let me in your bed?"

"Sy, no!" she was crying now. It had hurt so much to think that he could have gotten that from what she'd said.

"I think if you can have feelings hurt about this situation then so can I."

He stood to leave, but she caught him by the wrist.

"Shane…you know I would never, ever harm you. But please… don't test my limits. Let… go." She did.

She was still quite a bit faster than him, so she ran ahead and blocked the door.

"Move." he insisted. She didn't.

"Hear me out, and then I'll let you go."

He crossed his arms and nodded, his gaze still one of cold steel.

"Sy, I didn't mean to make this job that you're clearly excited for into a source of anguish or to make it about me. I'm thrilled that you're going to get to do something you want in another field. I really am. I just…being with you has made me realize how good life can really be. And even if you'd told me before we slept together, I would have said the same thing. It was selfish of me to haul my baggage into the conversation when you aren't, have never been, and could never be Elliot. His best couldn't compare with your worst. And I will do my best in the future to think about who you are before I complain about the work you find to do."

"It's like I said about Aika before. She's a soldier. Hard trained. And so am I. It took a lot of hard work for me to get where I am, so much that it fundamentally altered who I am as a person. Now, in my opinion, those changes were for the better. I was kind of a shit before I became a soldier, thought the sun rose and set with me. I got some perspective and met some good people…lost some, too. Saw some shit I can't unsee. Some of it haunts me to this day, and I figure it always will. But I reckon if I can keep fighting the fight somehow. Keep protecting people in whatever way I can, my training and experience won't be a total waste."

"I understand and respect that, Sy. And I will back you in any way I can. I'll water your plants, I'll keep Aika whenever you're gone, I'm here for you."

"Oh, shit! I wasn't even thinking about having to leave my dog behind! Maybe this WON'T work!" he chuckled.

"Second fiddle to another woman already. I knew you were gonna break my heart, Captain Logan Syverson."

"Never intentionally, sunshine." he hugged her, tight, and with his whole body. Their argument in the past and their future an exciting mystery. Shane had never felt so safe and loved.

Up Next: Chapter 12: Final Home Exercise Program

#netflix sand castle #sand castle #captain syverson #captain syverson fanfic #captain syverson x ofc #sigh for sy #syverson smut #henry cavill #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill smut #henry cavill x ofc

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notarelationship · 6 years ago

Text

Along For The Rides Ch 11

Blaine and Kurt get their summer romance on. Mostly fluff, awkward flirting, a side of misunderstanding and some hanky panky.

Rating: G (yeah sorry) Words: This chapter ~ 6000 Warnings this chapter: none

Read it on AO3,

Read it on Tumblr

So this is the end. Thanks for reading, and thanks to @honeysucklepink for all her work on this. (This chapter I beta’d myself, so I really hope it’s coherent.)

I’m not entirely sure I’m done in this verse, I have a couple things I might want to go back and add as standalone chapters. Also, I’m always up for prompts in anything I’ve published.

Here we go!

Kurt is finishing Mrs. Leahey’s oil change when he feels his phone buzzing in his back pocket. He knows it was Blaine, he had flown out with his parents two days earlier for their summer vacation in the South of France (and Kurt wasn’t at all jealous, no he was not), and he’d only had reliable wifi at the airport. But he is supposed to be arriving at their hotel today and Kurt had been expecting a text for the past couple hours.

B: Have you heard anything yet?

K: I told you you would be the first person I tell. K: So no.

Kurt still hadn’t heard from NYU about his admission, and Blaine was almost as eager as Kurt to get some news.

B: :-(

K: Yes, me too K: Are you having fun?

B: we jsut got here. i’m at the bar with mom

K: that doesn’t really answer my question

B: oh, it definitely does. B: not really, on hte fun B: but I am drinkning nice french wine

K: wow I’m not at all jealous. Please tell me more about this french wine

Blaine doesn’t text right back, so Kurt assumes he got distracted and starts cleaning up his work area. It’s late and he’s ready to go home and shower off the garage. According to Blaine, his mother liked to bond with him when they were on vacation, so that meant spending a lot of mother/son time.

B: what are you wearing?

K: seriously?

B: yeah, are you at the garage? what time is it there?

K: just finishing up, so still in my coveralls

B: send me a picture?

K: Blaine!

B: you look hot in those B: you know i like it

K: omg

B: come on Kurt

Kurt sighs to himself, but he’s going to take the picture. It’s not the first time Blaine has asked, and besides, Kurt has a whole folder of photos that Blaine has sent him over the past few weeks. All of them fully clothed, all of them adorable.

In the time it takes Kurt to get to the locker room, where the light is a little better for selfie-arrangement, Blaine does send a picture. It’s framed around his face, with one side of it resting on his hand. He looks a little worn from travel, and a little rumpled, and — Kurt thinks — completely adorable. He’s even wearing a bow tie.

And that’s another thing. Since Blaine’s stint with the carnival ended Kurt has noticed that Blaine’s appearance has gotten progressively neater with every photo he’s sent. Mostly it’s his hair, which has gone from a mop of curls of varying length to something much more neatly presented. Kurt hasn’t asked him about it, but he can’t say he minds.

K: you look adorable. Exhausted but adorable

B: well I am both

Kurt grins and, after several attempts, sends Blaine a photo he’s happy with

B: oh wow B: I wish I was alone in my room right now

K: omg

B: no I mean it, you look amazing

K: I look sweaty and covered with motor oil

B: and I love it

Kurt bites his lip. Blaine does that a lot — tells Kurt that he loves things about him, his hair, his collection of vintage scarves, his sense of humor. When they were playing 20 questions the day before Blaine left, he spent an excessive amount of time telling Kurt how much he loved his voice, once Blaine had convinced him to sing for him. It’s far, far too early Kurt to think he’s in love, but it’s still nice to hear from a cute boy.

B: oh I gotta run B: mom is trying to get the bartender to do shots with her B: I’ll text you tomorrow. Night

K: night Blaine. Don’t drink too much

Kurt is down in his basement sewing room altering some vintage jeans he bought off ebay when he hears his dad come lumbering down the stairs.

“Kurt! Kurt an envelope came! And it’s a big one. That’s a good sign, right?”

Kurt’s pretty sure he knows what’s in the envelope. He’d been notified by email three days earlier that he’d been accepted. He hadn’t said anything to anyone because he was afraid it would wind up as some kind of clerical error and not be true. Yet another cosmic joke in the misadventure that had been his life. He hasn’t even told Blaine.

“Are you gonna open it?” His dad is practically bouncing.

“Calm down,” he mumbles, hoping his dad is too excited to be upset with him for being testy. Kurt swivels around on his seat, closing his eyes and holding out his hand for the envelope. He thinks he might pass out.

Kurt doesn’t realize that he’s shaking until his dad puts a hand on his shoulder and he stops. “Kurt? Do you want me to look first?” Burt asks.

Kurt manages a hoarse, “No, I can do it.”

The envelope holds a few sheets of paper, some glossy brochures, and a printed letter. Kurt puts everything down but the letter, looking at his dad once before reading it out loud.

“Dear Mr. Hummel, Congratulations! We are happy to inform you that you have been accepted as a matriculating freshman at New York University’s Tisch School for the Arts, General Studies program….”

There are some other words, but Kurt doesn’t care about those right now.

“I’m in Dad.” He manages a dry swallow and looks at Burt. He wants to say something else, but his tongue won’t work, and it wouldn’t matter anyway. Burt wraps him so tightly in his arms Kurt is pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to do anything other than squeak.

“I’m so proud of you Kurt,”Burt chokes out, and Kurt can hear the tears in his father’s voice.

The rest of the summer is a blur. Since he’s a late admission he has a ton of things to do and not a lot of time. There are forms to fill in, deposits to make, and classes to register for, never mind the formidable task of deciding which clothes to bring with him to New York.

He didn’t get accepted to the Musical Theater program, but there are classes in the program available to him, and when Kurt finally gets someone on the phone in the admissions office they tell him that if his grades are good and he’s willing to audition again, he should be able to transfer in for sophomore year, if not the winter semester. That’s good enough for Kurt.

They only thing that’s less than perfect is Blaine. Blaine had been so ecstatic when Kurt texted to let him know he was moving to New York that he’d called him on the phone from France and they spoke for half an hour. But he’s seven solid hours ahead time-zone wise, and Blaine’s mother seems to think she needs to monopolize all of his time on their vacation in case Blaine decides to never come home or visit or call, just like his brother never does. So they text, but they don’t catch each other as often as either of them would like. The weekend Kurt leaves Lima for New York City they hadn’t had any contact in two days.

—

By the time Blaine’s plane lands in New York he’s worked himself into a worried mess. His mother had been annoyed when he told her he was going to have to leave their vacation early to make his orientation weekend in New York, so she decided that the best way to deal with that was to monopolize every minute of Blaine’s time while they were in France.

That means he and Kurt were almost never texting each other in real time, and by the time his plane lands in NY the Friday he’s supposed to start orientation, it’s been days since he’s actually had contact with Kurt. Blaine has heard stories about how you people live in New York for years without seeing friends who live mere blocks away, and he’s determined for that not to happen to him and Kurt.

So Blaine gets checked in and drops his bags at the holding area -- they aren’t even getting their room assignments until after dinner, then finds a quiet spot. His phone still has some juice, so he shoots off a quick text to Kurt. He doesn’t want it to be too pushy, but he needs to let Kurt know he’s here.

B: I’m here! In New York! B: I don’t know if you’re here yet, but I’d love to see you!

Blaine stares at his texts. I’d love to see you??? That sounds like something he’d send his cousin. Before he can come up with something more in tune with the actual excitement he feels about finally being in the same city as Kurt, his orientation section leader calls for everyone in the group to turn their phones off and pay attention. Blaine does, but only because he wants to send the perfect message, so he needs time to compose something.

Kurt’s flight is late. He’s supposed to register at 4:30, get his dorm key, move in, and then attend a snack and non-alcoholic drinks party in the common area starting at 5:30. When he finally frees his luggage from what has to be the most run down looking carousel in any airport in the US, Kurt has already decided that he’s not going to risk taking the bus into Manhattan. It’s worth spending some of his limited cash to get where he needs to be. He stands in the too long line for a taxi, looking around at the people and the cars and the bustle. For a moment nothing else matters. Even the airport is thrilling in New York.

Kurt calls his dad once he gets in a cab, and again when he gets to the dorm. His admission information had told him he was going to be in a triple -- one of the unfortunate side effects of being a late admission, but he didn’t realize exactly what that would mean. The room is small.

His roommates have been there for a week, and both of them have already been through orientation. Jeremy seems nice, and had claimed the single bed and the desk under the window. Kurt doesn’t meet their other roommate right away, but Jeremy tells him his name is Joe. Kurt is silently grateful that Joe took the top bunk by choice, so at least Kurt doesn’t have to worry about falling out of bed in the middle of the night. But Kurt is going to have to do some adjusting.

When he gets back to his room it’s after eleven, but Kurt feels a little more relaxed. Thankfully his roommates are still awake, so he doesn’t disturb them while he makes up his bed and gets ready to sleep. They chat and ask him simple questions about where he’s from and what he’s studying, and they both seem nice and happy to be in New York too, so Kurt is hoping he’ll be able to make the living arrangements work. Kurt takes a quick shower in the communal showers down the hall, and when he finally crawls into bed he’s asleep before he can count to ten.

“So, did he text you yet?”

Blaine is having breakfast with two of his suitemates -- David and Wes -- and apparently he’s already talked about Kurt so much they’ve both become invested in his attempts to make contact.

Blaine tries not to let his disappointment show when he answers, but he can tell by the sympathetic looks Wes is giving him that he’s probably not that successful.

“He, uh, texted me when I was in the shower. He’s got orientation all day, but he’s here. In New York.” Blaine doesn’t tell them that Kurt had pre-emptively cut off seeing him at all for at least a week by telling him how full his schedule was. At least that’s how it had felt to Blaine. “We’re trying to set a time to get together.” Kurt’s dad was coming in the next weekend to bring him all his stuff, so it was looking like almost two weeks before they’d be able to see each other.

“Blaine,” Wes starts. “You’re going to be pretty busy too, you know? Between class and group projects and meeting with your advisor, you’re not really going to have a lot of time to yourself for a while.”

Blaine pokes a straw into his milk carton, too aggressively. “I’ve never had any trouble keeping up with my schoolwork.”

“Dude, this isn’t like high school. You’re at Juilliard. You’re going to be practicing Lizst until your fingers bleed.” David watches him poke at his eggs. He doesn’t really want to eat them. “Are you gonna eat those?”

Blaine pushes his plate across the table toward David. “I’ll be fine.”

“Look Blaine, I’m not trying to be harsh, but it’s really common for high school romances to not survive the move to New York - or anywhere, actually. You’ve both gone off to college. You’ll both want to be taking advantage of that freedom, won’t you?”

Blaine blinks and looks at Wes. He’s not -- “Kurt’s not my high school boyfriend.” He doesn’t miss the skeptical way David and Wes look at each other before returning their attention to Blaine. “We met over the summer,” Blaine hurries to explain. “We discovered we were both going to be going to school in New York City and we --” Blaine hesitates. Maybe Kurt doesn’t want this as much as he does? He doesn’t know how to know the answer. Blaine thought he did. Kurt seemed to be worried about whether he would get to New York at all, but maybe he wasn’t sure about Blaine either? “We wanted to connect once we got here.”

“It hasn’t been 24 hours Blaine,” Wes rolls his eyes. “Get settled. You have time to work it out.”

Blaine wants to believe that, so he forces a smile. David starts telling them about a girl he met yesterday in the drama program, and Blaine tries to let himself be distracted.

“I don’t know Rachel, it’s been like three weeks and we can’t seem to connect.” Kurt has Thursday mornings open, so Rachel offered to come down and meet him at the diner around the corner from his dorm. “Maybe he doesn’t really want to see me?” He orders pancakes from the waitress and hands her his menu.

“Ooh, are the pancakes vegan?” Rachel asks the waitress, who just glares at her with one eyebrow raised. Rachel closes her menu and pushes it to the edge of the table. “I’ll have the pancakes too.” Once the waitress leaves she turns her attention to Kurt. “Do you really think that? I mean, this is only the second time we’ve managed to get together since we’ve both been here. New York is a busy place. Everyone has obligations.” Kurt considers this. He’s been busy, but he really does want to see Blaine. “I mean, have you just come out and asked him?”

Kurt frowns. “Not really? We just keep not being able to find a time. If it’s so hard to find time for each other now, what does that say for us being able to have some kind of real relationship?”

“Well,” Rachel says, and Kurt can tell it’s her ‘helpful Rachel’ voice, so he braces himself for whatever is coming. “What have you been doing instead of seeing Blaine?”

Kurt had to think about that. “I had orientation -- but so did he, and then Dad brought the rest of my things, and he was here for about five days and we did a bunch of tourist stuff. And there have been a few informal mixers in the dorm that I wanted to go to since I don’t know anyone -- and did I tell you one of my roommates is gay? Jeremy? He seems to know people here, so I went to a party with him.” Kurt stops. The party had been mostly people their age, but it was a first for him. “Honestly Rachel, I’ve never been in a room with so many other gay men. It was kind of intimidating.”

“But kind of great?” She asks. When Kurt nods she gives him a gentle smile. “There’s a lot to discover in New York, Kurt.”

“Yeah. I guess.” The waitress brings their pancakes and Kurt watches Rachel drown hers in syrup before he indulges himself and does the same. “I was just hoping one of the things I would discover would be Blaine. We had such a good connection. I want to see what that could be.”

“So stop deflecting the issue. Text him a time and place and tell him you’ll meet him there. What about brunch? Ooh! Or karaoke tonight! You said he liked to sing. Maybe he’d want to meet us there?” Kurt had agreed to go out that evening with Rachel to the NYADA student bar for karaoke, but that didn’t really seem like where he wanted to finally reconnect with Blaine.

“Too many people,” he says. “And brunch is always so loud. I want something more intimate.”

“Okay, then coffee, late afternoon on Saturday. Just do it.”

“What if he’s not interested anymore Rach?”

Rachel shrugs. “Then at least you know, right?”

Kurt hates to admit the sense of her suggestion, but he really doesn’t want to wait any longer. He has so many things he wants to tell Blaine. Everything that’s happened and everything he’s done. He wants to hear all about Juilliard and Blaine’s weird but cool sounding living arrangements (because they had at least traded that information. Blaine has a single room in a suite and Kurt would kind of like to see what exactly that means).

“Okay. I’ll do it.”

“Why wait Kurt? Text him now.”

Kurt silently thanks the universe for putting Rachel in his life, even if she’s a pain in his ass. She knows just when to push. Kurt unlocks his phone, taking a minute to compose a text that doesn’t sound weird.

K: Hey are you free on Saturday afternoon? like 4? K: There’s a great coffee place a couple blocks from here K: Can i buy you a coffee?

When Blaine texts back an emphatic yes!! send me the deets not thirty seconds later, Kurt grins to himself and goes back to his pancakes, ignoring the satisfied smile on Rachel’s face.

They spend the rest of breakfast chatting about Rachel’s courses and the people she’s met at NYADA, and all of the opportunities she’s sure to have ahead of her, and Kurt is happy to let her go on for a while. He can use the break from the inside of his head.

Kurt double checks the address before they leave the subway, but the neon sign spelling out Callbacks in glowing red script makes it obvious. He’d invited Jeremy to come with him, as a thanks for inviting him to his friend’s party, as well as the dozen other ways he’d been helpful since Kurt arrived. Apparently he is also a karaoke enthusiast, and the more people who are willing to get up and sing, the more fun the night would be.

Inside the bar is more crowded than Kurt expected.

“It’s Thursday,” Jeremy explains, leaning into Kurt. “New Yorkers always go out on Thursday. Friday and Saturday are for the bridge and tunnel crowds.” Kurt nods, filing this away with all of the other information he’s been gathering. He spies Rachel over in one corner with a few people who must be her NYADA friends, and points her out to Jeremy who returns Rachel’s exuberant wave.

They work their way to the bar to get some non-alcoholic drinks, since the bartenders are very obviously checking IDs, and Jeremy provides a running commentary while they wait on the level of hot guys in the room. Kurt has been very grateful to discover Jeremy could be as vicious as he was about the outfits some people wore.

“Oh my god, that is some suit,” Jeremy points out. “At least he’s got an ass to match it, yum.”

Kurt laughs and turns around to check out the target of Jeremy’s judgment.

At the other end of the bar is a group of sorta loud guys, but they’re singing - not causing trouble, so no one seems to care. One of the guys, with his back to Kurt, is wearing a dark magenta suit - just to the right side of pink, but not pink - with a grey windowpane pattern. It’s not exactly loud, but it sure is eye catching, and a little much for a night out at the bar. After a few seconds of staring Kurt thinks he actually recognizes the suit from a Brooks Brothers catalog from a few seasons ago, which explains why it kinda works. As he looks down the backside of the wearer he has to acknowledge that he does indeed have the ass to pull it off.

Reflexively, Kurt glances away. The urge to look away before he gets into trouble is still something he’s trying to shake, but here in a NYADA karaoke bar, filled with drama students and other performing arts folks in an obviously wide assortment of sexual orientations and identifications, he’s finally safe. So he looks back. It is a nice ass.

So he looks, his eyes trailing from Magenta Suit’s ass all the way up to his shoulders. He’s not a tall guy, but the cut of the suit fits this guy so well that Kurt can easily imagine a narrow waist tapering down from those shoulders. When the guy turns his head and Kurt finally catches a glimpse of his profile, all the noise in the bar turns into a distant echo. It’s Blaine. Blaine.

“You alright honey?” Jeremy asks. He’s got their virgin drinks in hand, one eyebrow raised, and almost a look of concern on his face.

Kurt is having a hard time forming words, and it’s loud in the bar anyway, so he leans in close to Jeremy’s ear. “It’s Blaine.”

“Blaine?” Jeremy’s eyes go wide and dart around the room. “Mr. I’ve-met-the-love-of-my-life-at-a-traveling-carnival-in-Ohio Blaine? Here?”

“Over there, with the great ass!” Kurt whisper shouts. Jeremy stomps his feet, squealing in his excitement for Kurt, but Kurt is already turning back to look at Blaine’s profile. Blaine is laughing now, obviously enjoying hanging out with his friends. They’re singing and jumping around and having fun. Blaine is radiant, and Kurt can’t look away.

Other than a few shared photographs it’s been weeks - months - since they’ve seen each other in person, and Kurt can’t get over how different Blaine looks. With his his hair neatly combed and his perfectly fit suit he looks almost like a different person.

And that’s what Kurt is worried about. What if this impeccably well groomed Blaine wasn’t really interested in small-town Ohio Kurt? Not that Kurt couldn’t hold his own in the style department - he definitely could, but maybe Blaine isn’t interested in bringing his midwestern summer fling from Ohio with him into his new life in New York.

Kurt’s imagination is still tormenting him when, without warning at all, Blaine finally turns his head far enough to see him. Kurt is still so overwhelmed by Blaine’s presence in the bar that he doesn’t notice when Jeremy kisses him on the cheek and wishes him luck, but he does notice Blaine’s face going from confusion to excitement in a second before his expression crumples.

He’s too far away for Kurt to hear him speak, but he can see Blaine mouth Kurt? and move in Kurt’s direction, away from his friends. Kut lets his feet take over, and he pushes through the crowd, toward Blaine.

“Blaine!” Blaine practically leaps at Kurt, and Kurt accepts the hug gratefully, so happy just to be touching him again. When they break apart Kurt looks into Blaine’s eyes, but whatever had upset him a moment ago seems to have gone, and his face is lit up by the same smile that had burrowed into Kurt’s heart over the summer. “You look amazing,” Kurt tells him. “That suit fits you like it was made for you.”

Blaine turns away, his head nodding slightly, and Kurt knows that if he wasn’t already red faced from the heat in the bar Blaine would be blushing.

“Well, I actually had it tailored,” Blaine tells him. “I was inspired by your attitude so I found a good tailor as soon as I got to New York.”

Kurt beams at the idea that Blaine had been thinking of him. “Well it was worth whatever you paid,” he says, and because the moment isn’t awkward enough, he continues, “Special night?” Kurt looks over at the group of boys Blaine was with.

“Oh, um we had a recital, earlier. They’re semi formal so everyone has to turn out in their best.” Blaine fusses with his lapels. “This is the best I brought. Though I’m probably going to need to pick up a couple of other suits. I’m going to stand out pretty badly if I show up in this thing every time.”

Kurt thinks he’d stand out spectacularly, but he keeps it to himself. “Oooh, fancy clothes shopping. Sounds fun.”

Blaine’s face brightens a bit. “Maybe you want to come with me? I mean, you’ve got a great eye. If you’re not too busy.” Blaine’s eyes dart over Kurt’s shoulder, and he goes on before Kurt can respond. “Is that Rachel?”

“Yes!” Kurt is grateful for the redirection. “Come say hi. You can meet my roommate too. He’s a pip.”

Blaine follows Kurt to the back table where Rachel is sitting with a few of her NYADA friends, and Jeremy. Kurt hasn’t met any of Rachel’s friends yet, but Jeremy is already ensconced in the middle with an arm around one of them like they’ve known each other since birth.

“Blaine! What are you doing here?” Rachel practically knocks their little table over as she leaps out of her chair and hurls herself at Blaine. “Did you know we were coming? Kurt did you tell Blaine we were coming tonight? Do you sing Blaine? Kurt I remember you told me Blaine sung. Sang. Sings?” She screws her face up in a confused scrunch. “Is a singer.” If Kurt didn’t know better he’d think Rachel is drunk.

“Uh, hi Rachel,” Blaine looks a little stunned, but manages to hug Rachel and keep her from falling down when she looks like she’s teetering.

Kurt tugs her arm, pulling her to the side. “Rachel are you drunk?”

“I might have had some of Leo’s cosmo.” She looks up at him, eyes huge. “And by some I mean I may have drunk the whole thing.”

Kurt rolls his eyes. He doesn’t care if Rachel is having a drink -- so long as she doesn’t get them thrown out -- but she can be a handful to keep track of when she’s tipsy. “Well why don’t you introduce me and Blaine to Leo and the rest of your friends?”

“Great idea!” Rachel giggles and slips an arm through Blaine’s elbow, turning him toward the table. She introduces all of her friends, then says “and the adorably terrible flirt in the middle is Kurt’s roommate, Jeremy.” Jeremy wiggles his fingers in their direction, winking. “Everyone - this is Kurt, my very best friend from high school. And this is his Blaine.”

Kurt stammers. Leave it to Rachel to completely humiliate him.

“I don’t — I don’t know if that’s entirely accurate,” Blaine says, next to him. Kurt turns to look at Blaine, but he’s staring at Jeremy. “I should leave you guys to hang out, and I should get back to my friends,” Blaine adds. “I’ll catch up with you later, Kurt.”

“Oh,” Kurt is sure he’s missing something, but it’s too loud and there are too many people in the room for him to figure out what it is. “You could all join us, if you want? I’m sure we could cram some more chairs in,” he says to Blaine.

“No that’s okay,” Blaine says. He gives Kurt a quick squeeze on his arm and with a wave at everyone goes back to his group.

“Kuuurt!” Rachel pulls him down on the seat next to her. “Blaine is here, isn’t that so amazing!”

“Oh my god Rachel you are such a lightweight,” he answers. “He’s here with his friends.”

Kurt is trying not to read too much into it. Blaine had seemed happy to see him at first, but he was so reluctant to hang out with them. Maybe he felt obliged to spend the time with the friends he came to the bar with. Kurt turns to see where Blaine is now, and finds him smiling and joking with his friends just as he’d been doing earlier. If anything, they whole group of them had got noticeably more physical with each other.

“Is it time to sing?” Kurt turns to see Rachel tugging on his elbow. “Kurt do you want to sing with me?”

“No, you go ahead,” he tells her. When Rachel pouts at him he adds, “Maybe later, after I soak up some alcohol fumes.” Kurt turns her around and gives her a little push toward the stage.

Kurt settles in and watches as Rachel completely captivates everyone in the room with her karaoke version of “Don’t Rain On My Parade.” It’s a Broadway friendly bar, so everyone is into it and Rachel is really on, stolen drinks be damned. Kurt hangs out with her friends, and one of them buys him a drink and slyly slips it in his direction, and Kurt is grateful. He doesn’t want to get drunk at all, but he’s not opposed to something to help him relax.

As the night goes on, people take their turn at the mic, some good, some bad, some drunk, but Kurt can’t help but glancing in Blaine’s direction all night. He’s usually talking to someone else, but every few glances, Blaine is looking at him too.

At some point in the evening Kurt gets up to use the mens room. It’s weirdly crowded, and by the time he gets back to the bar area there’s a group of guys on stage singing. It takes him a minute to catch up with the words and the music, and when he does he realizes it’s Blaine and his friends.

Before you met me I was alright But things were kinda heavy

They are singing Katy Perry. And they are choreographed. If he didn’t already have a devastating crush on this boy this would have put him over the edge. They are singing along to the karaoke track, but Kurt can almost picture them in a coordinated acapella arrangement. There is no way they didn’t rehearse this.

Kurt can’t take his eyes off of Blaine. He’s charming and charismatic and oh so much more talented than Kurt imagined. When by some miracle Blaine finds Kurt in the crowd, he locks eyes on him for the rest of the song.

My, heart, stops When you look at me Just, one, touch Now baby I believe This, is, real So take a chance And don't ever look back Don't ever look back

At some point Rachel appears at his elbow, giving him a squeeze as she jumps up and down.

“He’s so good!” She squeals. “And I think he's singing to you Kurt,” she whisper-shouts in his ear.

By the time the song is over Kurt doesn’t think, he knows. He untangles himself from Rachel and heads to where he can see a couple of Blaine’s taller friends in the crowd. But when he gets there he doesn’t see Blaine with them. He waits for a minute, but Blaine doesn’t appear anywhere. He’s about to head back to Rachel when one of the boys approaches him.

“Kurt?” The boy sticks his hand out politely to shake. “I’m David. If you’re looking for Blaine he went outside to get some air.” He pulls at his shirt and frowns, giving the universal sign of “too sweaty,” and Kurt nods and heads toward the exit.

Kurt hadn’t thought it was too warm inside, but once outside Kurt is relieved to be in the cooler air. He spies a group of people hanging around smoking, and the usual New York foot traffic walking around, but initially sees no sign of Blaine. Kurt takes a walk to the corner with no luck, and worries that Blaine might have just left without saying anything to him, after obviously singing to him. He stops for a moment, staring into the New York night - the whole night has been weird. He just wants to go back to his dorm and get some sleep.

“Kurt?” Kurt spins around and finds Blaine standing ten feet away. He looks hot and a little sweaty. He looks lovely.

“I was looking for you.” Kurt takes a step closer, then leads Blaine around the corner where there are less people.

“Jeremy’s cute,” Blaine says when they stop.

“What?”

“Jeremy. He’s cute.”

“Again, I say what?”

Blaine huffs a little, crossing his arms across his chest. “Congrats. Hot gay roommate.”

“Oh my god. Is that why you’ve been so weird?” Kurt is genuinely taken aback. “Jeremy is my room. mate. Roommate. That’s all.” Kurt retaliates with his own crossed arms. “I thought you were avoiding me.”

Blaine’s eyes go wide, and Kurt has to lean back to keep from falling into them. “I thought you were avoiding me, Kurt.”

It doesn’t take long for either of them to drop their defenses.

“I’m not. Avoiding you, I mean. I want to see you,” Kurt says. “Moving has been a lot -- a lot of things.” Blaine nods in what looks like agreement. “Did you sing that song to me?” Kurt asks. Blaine nods again, only he’s not looking at Kurt, and Kurt can’t really take how awkward it is. “Blaine,” he says, stepping forward. “How did you know I would be here?”

“I didn’t.” Blaine finally looks at him. “my roommates used to do it for their show choir, and when I was trying to think of ways to, I don’t know, impress you, one of them suggested a song, and they taught me oomf -” Kurt stops him with a kiss. When Blaine finally relaxes into it, yeah okay, Kurt wraps his arms around Blaine’s neck, walking him back to the wall of the building. As far as Kurt’s concerned, they can stay out here until the morning.

“Blaine!” Kurt doesn’t recognize that voice.

“Kurt!” That one is Rachel.

They separate slightly, but Kurt doesn’t really want to get that far away. “Hey Wes,” Blaine says, but his arms are tight around Kurt’s waist.

“I guess you finally worked it out,” Wes says.

“Thank god,” Rachel says. “I thought Kurt was going to combust.”

“Yeah we’re good, if that’s all you need,” Kurt waves Rachel off. Blaine leans in to kiss his neck, and Rachel giggles. “You can be on your way. Tell Jeremy I’ll get myself home.”

“You could come home with me,” Blaine murmurs so only Kurt can hear. “I’ve got my own room. With a door and everything.”

“I have class at ten Blaine.” Kurt is tempted anyway.

“You’ve been in New York almost a month. It’s past time for your first walk of shame.” Blaine waves at Wes and Rachel as they walk back into the bar. “We don’t have to do anything.”

“Blaine Anderson, if you think I am going to spend an entire night in your bed and not touch you in sexy ways, you are very mistaken.”

“Okay that’s cool too,” Blaine says, feigning nonchalance. Then he smiles. “So yes?”

Kurt laughs and kisses Blaine again. “Yes.”

#along for the rides ch 11 #along for the rides #klaine fic #klaine fanfiction

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