#i also want him to actively show he chooses it too because he frames himself for everything

[dionysus2xborn]

hc for the crossover fic to come

so a random idea came to me the other day i was wearing a wife beater that had some stain that looked like blood and i remembered, ‘ah, yes thats because it is because your a clutz but then i was like first off Nigel is so that chaotic mess bitch to do that and second would he not also fuck with Henry? i think he’d loooove fucking with him. so what if he purposely wore the very same wife beater he had on for the murder, stained with blood and everything and just acts nonchalant about it. Whole time giving him that face, yall know that face. The eyes! ugh! i can seeeee it!!!! Henry would seem calm but be like THIS MOTHER FUCKERRRRR on the inside. 

(this is a jot. this line just really butters my biscuit. *giggle*) Only, it was a wife beater after all, but he looked like Bunny and his inadvertent blood splatters had been on par with a dog that just pissed on his new gucci loafers. thots? (and prayers, these hoes need jesus)

[rainbow-femme]

I’ve seen those memes of like “Hannibal vs Hannibal if he had just asked Will on a date” with the second being much smaller

But god can you imagine if season one happened and they were dating, if he had asked Will out in the first one or two episodes? If he wasn’t doing those things to a client/friend but a romantic partner?

-Would it have changed his reaction to Bella and the cancer secret if he now had a romantic partner and that could keep such a secret from him?

-Hannibal’s reaction to Will being too busy for him because he’s going after the Chesapeake Ripper now that it’s not just a patient missing an appointment or a friend not staying to hang out but a romantic partner choosing something (technically also himself) over him?

-We saw how Hannibal reacted when it was possible Tobias killed Will Graham his friend, but if Tobias came in and insinuated he had just killed Will Graham his romantic partner? Hannibal realizing he actually values Will as a friend vs him realizing he values Will as a partner? The “I thought you were dead” scene?

-Hannibal telling Will his job will be the death of him and Will justifying it by saying he’s saving lives and Hannibal snapping back that he doesn’t care about their lives he cares about Will’s life? How much harder it would hit Will?

-Alana in the show saying she can’t be with Will while he’s in his current mental state while Hannibal uses that state to his advantage?

-The reveal that Will has had encephalitis and Hannibal has known and done nothing and is in fact allowing it to worsen? Basically making Will nothing more than a guinea pig and how much worse it is if they’re not just vague sorta friends but actively together?

-Will acknowledging he couldn’t be with Alana because of where he’s at mentally now being him using that on Hannibal and the way Hannibal would absolutely panic at the suggestion? The bad decisions he’d start making?

-Hannibal realizing Will is closing in on figuring out who he is and how this complicates him framing Will? Having to actually make a choice between his freedom and being able to possess Will?

-When Will thinks he killed Abigail and is in jail, he implies Alana is lucky they didn’t get together. What would he say to Hannibal? Would this be him breaking up with Hannibal for his own good? And Hannibal fucking losing it inside at the suggestion?

-Will realizing Hannibal is not only the killer but the person who framed him, the next level of betrayal that would come with that? The conversations between them as Will lets him know he knows and Hannibal tries to hide it?

-And then how it spills into season two, with how in the show Hannibal is trying to maintain a friendship only now he still wants to keep that defined romantic relationship with Will while Will is like “Are you crazy? Obviously this means we’re broken up” and Hannibal turning the “no we’re still friends” act into “No we’re still dating” and how sinister that is?

[euphoric-daylight]

― Little Pest-!

[ For the people that are waiting for the drawings or memes, plz wait a bit more, My phone is too fucked up rn ]

Tintin and GN!Reader taking care of a Child

It all starts with a quiet day in Brussels, exactly on October 3 on a cold but calm morning, enough for the two to go together to have a coffee at that time

— I think I should visit my aunt, she has only just arrived in Brussels but she has been busy working

You speak with a soft and calm tone while drinking coffee to keep yourself active, Tin shows curiosity when hearing about your family, he really hadn't heard you talk much about them so he thinks it's a good idea to go and meet your family.

— Sounds perfect, anyway Haddock said he would be with Calculus taking care of his new roses

Tin spoke in a kind way but he really seemed enthusiastic, he wanted to make a good impression with your family.

The two arrive at the door of the house after a while, you knock firmly on the door……

The door is opened by a child of just 10 years old, who showed a grimace of disgust when he saw Tin, obviously he recognized you instantly and let you in but after you passed he closed the door on Tin in the house.

(Insert the name of the little monkey, idk, i hate that child, so im gonna put C!__ when the child's name is necessary)

— C!___-! What are you doing? That is my boyfriend!

You quickly open the door showing Tin's face, somewhat surprised by the child's behavior but also somewhat irritated although he does not want to accept it, he quickly manages to calm down and be more friendly because obviously he does not want to be rude to the child.

The child seems upset that you let the carrot head into his house, acting angry and obviously expressing his displeasure

— Why did you have to choose this red head as your boyfriend? Obviously you gave him a little scolding for being so rude to your boyfriend, so you got a little closer to him and told him.

—You shouldn't treat people who come to visit like that, Tintin didn't do anything to you, we just came to say hello to my aunt.

The boy found this news even worse, so he tried to pretend like he didn't care in the slightest, but the minute you left Tin alone, the boy returned from his room.

— You look strange, why are you so ugly and baby-faced?

Tin is slightly stoic about the situation, trying to remain calm and collected.

— I don't have a baby face.

Tin tries to look for you to get the boy to stop bothering him and end his patience right now, the boy is obviously still making mocking faces behind him.

— That's right, look for your partner like the fearful person you are.

The boy told him in a mocking manner while he was bothering Tin, trying to climb into his arms.

Tin finally thought that the boy was going to stop bothering him but he was wrong, with the boy being in his arms…. He pulls Tin's hair, making Tin quickly grab the boy by the hand to stop him from doing that

— You should behave better with someone older than you.

Tin spoke irritably, slightly biting his tongue to calm himself down a bit and quickly taking the child out of his arms making the child cry.

You were in the kitchen trying to cook something to eat for everyone while they wait for your aunt, when you hear the crying you quickly see what is happening.

— What happened??

You speak in a somewhat upset manner when you see the child crying and Tin with a slightly upset face

Tin takes a breath to calm down while you try to calm the child but he wouldn't stop crying.

— He hasn't stopped bothering me since we arrived.

You look at the boy with an irritated face upon hearing that while the boy quickly walks away knowing that you obviously knew the truth.

— Don't worry, sweetie…. My aunt said she won't be long to get home

Slowly you approach him to hug him in a friendly way, you can feel how his body slightly stops being tense and he tries to be calm, accompanying you to the kitchen and helping you cook.

You can see the boy peeking his head out from the door frame, you really didn't pay much attention.

After a few moments, Tin's hand slowly slides from your shoulder to your hip, caressing that part lovingly and giving you kisses on the cheek until C!__ pours water on both of them with a squirt gun to make them dry. separate

— Okay, I've had enough.

Tin quickly approaches C!___, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt as if he were a cat, sitting him in a baby chair and putting the belt on him so he doesn't get out.

— Stay here.

Tin speaks coldly and quickly returns to your side, the two of you hear the door of the house opening.

Finally your aunt had arrived and the child tried to victimize himself by crying, at first it helped but you quickly explained what happened

bt: The child got kicked out from his house (jk) Sorry for no posting anything in a month, i was on a trip with my parents to have a breath from the problems but now i feel worse im sorry if i don't know how to make Tintin be more canon

[thefudge]

i need thoughts on saltburn -- even if you didn't like it!!! <3

sorry for taking so long to answer this, but i only finally watched the movie this week. i kind of wanted the hype and polarization to die down a bit so i could form my own opinion.

so, i enjoyed it! it has issues, but it was a fun and clever romp. any movie that ends with a "murder on the dancefloor" dance sequence will earn a smile from me because that is one of my favorite songs of all time and i don't know how emerald fennell knew that about me, but there were constant little moments in the script that made me go "ahh, we'd be friends in real life". i felt that way about promising young woman too, even if i ultimately disagreed with quite a few of her creative choices there. but her style & humor and the way she frames sexual content is similar to my own palate/writing. i especially appreciate the way she makes arousal and desire interesting, how she explores abjection but also intellectual stimulation. what makes the character of oliver irresistible to the entire household in the film is the way he can tap into people's desires in a very unexpected and creative way. he constantly surprises them by giving them what they didn't know they wanted. it's interesting that, from oliver's skewed perspective, it's felix who is supposed to be the object of desire, the person everyone wants to be around. but we the viewers can see oliver is the true loathsome subject and object of desire for those around him (and for the audience too, as we sort of can't look away from him).

i agree with people who say felix cared more about oliver than the reverse. in fact, the cleverest thing this movie does, imo, is show that oliver could be happy, but actively chooses not to. this isn't to say the posh oxbridge types fennell makes fun of in this movie do not ring true or that the social satire and snobbery isn't accurate. but it's more that oliver doesn't need to fall into their sphere of influence, doesn't need to measure himself using their standards. yes, the environment is classist and unfair, there are big structural issues that oliver cannot control, but oxford doesn't have to be his whole life, it's only a couple of years. the fact that he is there already gives him a leg up in the world. given his smarts and his magnetism, oliver could have done very well for himself after university without needing to latch onto saltburn. the clever twist for me is that oliver is also privileged, and not just because we see he's comfortably middle-class with a supportive family, but because he has options, he has choices, but he actively chooses to be miserable and hateful, because he hates and looks down on the ppl around him. yes, the saltburn entourage is filled with bitter, toxic people, but some of those people would've probably done anything for him, and would have genuinely loved him. but the truth at the core of oliver is that he prefers a room to be empty, he prefers to have saltburn all to himself as this pure luxurious space that is devoid of humanity.

at the end, oliver is both wonderfully effective and deeply unimaginative. don't get me wrong, i really liked his character and the gremlin freak energy he conveyed, i rooted for him along the way, i mean barry keoghan plays it too well not to, but despite his victory dance at the end, it's sort of drab that oliver's greatest achievement is saltburn. despite being the brilliant predator who hunted down all competition, he is not brilliant enough to see his prize is empty. he's not smart enough to see, that at the end of the day, he is just like the cattons. he loves and hates felix because he loves and hates himself. there are many moments in the movie where oliver stares into mirrors or his reflection is doubled in reflective surfaces, and i don't think it's just to signal his duplicity or multiplicity, but rather the fact that....it's all olivers, all the way down. he thinks he's such an outsider, but he is saltburn, he comes to embody it physically in the very last dance. and even his predatory cleverness is overrated; most of the cattons fall easily, they want to go, there's an emptiness at the heart of their lives and at the heart of saltburn that oliver wants to embrace.

and i do think that emerald fennell had some of this in mind; i don't think my interpretation is necessarily the right one, but you can see she's doing more with this than directing a satirical romp. i think we're actively invited to see beyond oliver's seduction and into the emptiness of his dreams. that's why some of the deaths in the end come off as slightly ridiculous and excessive, because it's not about his cleverness anymore, he's just the last person left when the party is over. he's still a character you can root for and have fun with (and be drawn to), but the film encourages you to question his narrative from the start, not just his literal narration to rosamund pike, but the overarching idea he has of himself.

anyway, this is all to say, i rather liked it! i didn't love it, but i appreciate what it was trying to do, and i think it's more clever in that regard than people give it credit for. i do think it's a more mature effort than promising young woman. i am kind of hoping emerald directs a nonconventional romcom next, because i like her approach to certain intimate moments, mixing tenderness with violence. i'd love to see a punch-drunk love-esque love story from her.

(i do also want to give props to barry keoghan again, because i think the movie wouldn't work half as well without him. he elevates a lot of moments and he is so compelling to watch)

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

Non BL Fan watches Only Friends - Part II (Part I)

Ok. So it turns out that although I had to convince them to watch this show and share some thoughts with me, Neely really committed to the bit and is now enjoying the writing part more than the show. When I first talked to them about this, they said it would take 2/3 weeks to watch all of it. Turns out they watched 9 episodes in 3 days. And they already finish the show by the time this gets posted. So the final part of this will come soon.

So, they wrote a lot about episodes 5 - 9. And I haven't really been able to catch up to them so this time I won't be adding to it. Also, this is gonna be a bit long so if you want more general view of their thoughts on the show so far, skip to the end, to the conclusion. They separated it more or less by character so I'll add titles so it gets easier to read.

Neely's thoughts episodes 5 through 9 Just quick notes first:

It's creepy to me that Top's Halloween costume is a us army uniform 😬 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

I'm glad Chueam had a little bit more presence, even if just as supporting act.

I’m annoyed at this thing of framing Ray as taking Mew on "a bad path" as if Mew has no agency. Mew just spent ages teasing Top with no sex and in that relationship he had all the agency, and felt able to put his boundaries, but now he can't refuse alcohol and drugs? Ofc it's reactive to what happened, but so is Ray's usage and nobody seems to give him the same credit or patience. That said, Ray is being a lil bitch in his pursuit of Mew and how he reverted into treating Sand with entitlement.

Now longer:

Boston

Boston just keeps one uping himself, at this point he's just going for asshole so at least he's not pretending, and to me, he's on a league of his own; the "girl"boss, gatekeep, gaslight self-made villain of the series. But also, what I realise has been paining me in this portrayal is - and I think this happens in other media with so-called 'sluts' - that there's a difference between being a slut and the very reality of sex addiction as an illness. And media often does this muddled mix of both, where it's not really an addiction in how they show it because often the reality of that is too much to be representing on your average TV, but it's also not being a slut. I just wanna say: sluts are happy most times. Fucking is nice, it's not always a speed-train to self-destruction, it can be about curiosity and playfulness and desire. It can be intimate and caring and genuine, even if it's a one-night stand. Sluts don't so often feel remorse about fucking people, because they are not suddenly controlled by some demonic entity of lust that cannot reject fucking even if it blows away all of their life and surroundings; sluts actively choose to fuck because they want to fuck. AND 7/10 TIMES IT IS NICE! Sluts also are not always ready and willing for actions with anyone - they have tastes and standards and preferences like most people. Boston has rejected 0 people in this show until now, and more often than not he has regretted that sex, or it has been ultimately destructive to him or people he loves, and now he fucks Chueam's brother and very clearly we start the next episode with a strong guilt scene.

I just wouldn't call Boston a slut, he's maybe a sex addict, or using sex for numbing the pain of repressing his sexuality to his dad - in a parallel to how Ray uses substances to numb his own family stuff. Sluts are some of the nicest people I've met, cause also to do that respectfully you do have to have good people skills and empathy, sex is about knowing how to relate so you do get good at...relating in general, even non-sexually. But yeah, my defense of ethical random sex for another time.

Of course there's lots of gay men, especially those who are repressed in some way (like Boston is with his dads campaign and having to hide his sexuality because of it) that end up using sex in this toxic way, as well as for validation, power, a sense of control, or just this detachment that ultimately comes from deep internalised homophobia and a sense of not deserving real intimacy and tenderness and love. Again, I think that's very real within gays - I'd say maybe my experience within western (- socialised) communities, that's often a pattern I notice more in older gays, like 40 on - generations who felt AIDS and criminalization and mortality in a way we cannot begin to imagine. So maybe within a Thai context it's more common that this repression and reaction to repression is still common in younger gay men? I don't know enough about this; I'm also mostly in quite progressive (gender-)queer communities in very out-there European queer centres, so maybe more trad western gays despite generation might feel this. Here, I wouldn't consider this group of friends trad-gays. But again, underlining all my own statements here is that cultural context possibly impacts this reading a lot and I won't pretend to know queer-thai pov.

But that's how I'm justifying this from my angle. Boston's not a slut, we gathered as a council in an emergency meeting and he has surpassed the max levels of regret and guilt and self-destruction we are allowed post-sex on a monthly basis. I'm positioning him as either sex addiction or using sex to numb pain, or both - an addiction grown from his family situation and hiding who he is. I think there's a nice parallel between his story and rays that I'm tentatively enjoying as an audience. Both are very real in the gay world too, I'd say.

Mew

I liked the confrontation scene where Mew played the track during sex. I also liked Mew's very 'meh' revenges - I think it suits the character, felt a bit too much ado about nothing, but while still being cruel. Like the burning of the paper but in a way it didn't actually trigger Top, so it's quite mean and malicious but with no real effect; and the same with Boston where he goes through all the effort of getting that fucking video to confront him and scare him and then just gives it to him, nothing happens, no effect. But still almost genuinely malicious. I think it suits the character, Mew is incredibly beige and non-eventful, a personification of a yawn but with tints of malevolence. Just think of the build up of virginity and the importance giving to losing it, and then uneventfully he looses it in a flash because Top emptied a baggy of coke. He's not concerned with actually doing or not doing a thing, he wields his full power as a character in withholding until he feels he can't withhold anymore, until he will gain more from giving that from holding back, this was proven to me even by how he was initially scared he'd lose Top for being inexperienced at sex, and when he decides to do it, he calls Boston and directly says "i feel like he'll get bored of me if I don't".

I imagine he will do the same with taking Top back; he's gonna extend it as much as he can. He weaponizes this type of power, having something someone else wants, and holding that against them: I think you can see this with Ray, with Top, now with Boston. So I liked his revenge gimmicks as a spectator, and I was glad it avoided us audiences witnessing him forcing Boston to come out; nobody needs to see that ever but let alone in the middle of this chaos, it would be too far on the unhinged scale for me.

Top

I'm still not buying Top. The way he is being acted just comes across so two-faced to me; and I don't know if that's purposefully trying to tell me something or if I have a wrong reading of the actors expressions and gaze.

But Top and his attempts at making amends... I get it, its meant to be sweet and caring towards Mew, but he's still holding on to this toxic controlling side most times. Like at the beginning of the post-break up he's trying to act all sad puppy for Mew but he's also still running away blaming everything for his own mistake instead of taking responsibility, including visiting Boston to blame him and yell at him.

When he comes to give Mew books as apology gift he says "I'm here cause I'm his boyfriend" and I'm like... 👀 Again I think some people might find that sweet but it gives me the ick, it gives me controlling partner, it gives me gaslighting, is toxic - you're broken up, acknowledge your mistake, acknowledge that the person ended things with you, and start making amends from that place.

It also didn't sit well with me that he cuddled Mew when Mew was passed out drunk. Yes cute nice caring to put him in bed and, ok, sure, pass a wet towel on his face and neck if you want, and I can even hold my side-eye and skip a breath at taking his trousers for comfort but.. this person told you almost halfway through a vomit to leave, don't stay and cuddle him as if you're still "boyfriends"; consent for that has been very clearly renounced.

I find him a bit coercive, in this way that is very common in romantic media troupes. Like I'm always on edge when he's on screen cause I feel he could be Joe Goldberg from YOU or something if shown from his perspective (sorry for another netflix comparison). But I'm open to being criticized on that because YOU did just taint my reading of every attempt at more traditional gentlemen romantic character on TV.

Sand

Poor Sand :(

Ok also unnecessary to seek revenge in that way and telling ray about the recording was oh so stupid. He did ultimately caused everyone's chaos without actually being direct about it and in a way that ended up implicating everyone; and he was our most wholesome character, so that didn't pass unnoticed to me but still...

Poor sand :(

I was happy with how quickly and undramatically and genuinely he apologized to Nick and supported Nick and assumed his mistake. Hands down the most genuine principled character in this series in both romantic love and friendship.

Ray

Personally I very very much feel Ray tho. Pursuing this infatuation that is nothing but your own projection after a person has repeatedly rejected you both with and without a partner, both 2 years ago and a few weeks/months ago. - instead of someone you have gotten to know and be intimate with and you're falling for reciprocally. Like been there, it feels stupid and embarrassing to watch, but also, I feel him. To desire this dream you've been feeding in the midst of years of trauma and addiction and feeling aimless in life, he had fed this so so much as if it was his only way out of the cycle, his only salvation, that of course it holds more influence still in him than the very real possibility of mutual love & care with Sand.

We could've had a mature poly maybe, if he is really so adamant of "I can have feelings for two people", but I don't really trust that in his state, and anyway if so, do it with respect. Instead he just drops Sand and goes back to treating him a bit like he is service, or guaranteed, or like he can buy him. The way Sand got into that bath tub after Ray broke his arm and he went to help him recover, baby nooo get out of there cmon.

Also on Ray.. I wanted to point out that while he was with Sand he became so much better as a person, less messy, less entitled, he opened up. But in no way did he stop drinking.

I'm not arguing that drinking that much is a good thing, it definitely isn't good and he should work towards calming it down. but he keeps being blamed for drinking alcohol, and like alcohol is destroying his life, but actually alcohol is more a consequence than a cause (as often is). He was drinking and drunk and doing drugs with Sand, but he was held, and he was relating, cared for, and he was turning out to be a genuinely nice person. Yes I think he could learn how to give better care back to Sand, even in their best moments, but I believe he was on a right path.

The chaos within him returns when the whole Mew infatuation is triggered again. And this makes sense - he drinks because he was always rejected by his family, importantly so, his mother. Mew is a continuation of that rejection, Mew is what his destructive depressive side keeps feeding on to tell himself he is worthless, that he doesn't deserve to be loved, that he will always be rejected. He has deep abandonment and rejection trauma, exacerbated but not started by alcohol. And sadly, he is surrounded by people in their own individualistic, predominantly romantic treadmills, that do not know how to be friends. His main issue is not getting intoxicated by alcohol, is being drowned in a fairly toxic "friend" group. And this is another example of why this show cannot write good relationships that aren't monogamous and romantic, and will always privilege those. Sand is the saving romance to what friendship in this universe will never be powerful enough to heal. And I find this overall message of 1-1 romantic love trumps everything, that is drilled into the essence of this show, deeply problematic. But more on that later.

Nick

Nick..........................

I don't know really. It's too much

It's so delusional poor guy.

It's too much for me to relate I think. I relate to the overwhelmingness of feeling, and I appreciate the representation of a deep feeler in this series and within queers or gays. Like he really said I will sob snort for this boy. But on the grand scheme of: wire-tapping Boston’s car, listening to the recording on what looked like noise canceling headphones, begging for him to stay, messaging and stalking the party... But also - giving Mew the info about AND the name of the person with Boston's sextape? He's so lost, no action he takes has a logic sense in any goal or narrative.

And I think it's cause he's lost between his good ethics and values and his obsessive infatuation for Boston. He's also generally too much of a puppet for everyone, he's lost and deranged for a boy who gave him not only crumbs but a tiny amount of crumbs about to get moldy. I found his fall into heartbreak and desperation so cringe to watch, and I felt really both sad and pity and shame for him - it was almost empathizing at one point cause we all have been played to some extent, but it went too far for me to be able to relate. But I feel for him, and also, I eye-roll for him in equal measure.

Chueam

I'm still disappointed with not getting proper Chueam content, and a story line that doesn't revolve around the messy gays. I would love if we had left the misogynist troupe of the fag-hag in the 90s and early-2000s (I know she's a lesbian, but still), and started treating women and giving them attention and stories, and defining them for themselves over being some balance or moral compass for the men. That would be much more queer, even if she was straight, than whatever this background lesbianism they went for, it's giving Willow in Buffy but set in G-A-Y Late (gay club in London, substitute for your own gay club reference).

Generally, to conclude, and sorry it's so long cause I don't feel like editing:

There's a few things that are becoming quite apparent to me, that I still would love and think it's possible to change a bit, but have little hopes it will.

1) This dude hates sex! (the creator). All the sex in this series has weird dynamics in it, it's like none of them can just fuck. Even the "slut" that is Boston, we are told he fucks around a lot and there's so many guys, but every instance of fucking that we actually are shown or are alluded to on screen, has resulted in something bad. There has been 0 genuine, non-weaponised, non-traumatic, instances of sex in this show, that weren't a part of, or even the start, of a train of terrible consecutive downhill events. Even Virgin Mew's first time is tainted by him using it as coin to get Top to stop doing coke, and also tainted by Top being dishonest just before when they just both said they'd be honest. Sex is a plot point to make everything go to shit in this universe. Let people fuck unharmed!

2) For a queer show, it's really going above and beyond to paint every aspect of queer life that isn't a straight-edge, monogamous, and orientated towards building family and career, as negative. We are meant to feel for poor delusional Nick, because he is trying to save Boston from himself and his proclivity for prostate with a promise of love and monogamy. Top himself is now beginning to assume this role in relation to Mew. We even get a random-ass parallel scene of Jennie the bar owner having a break up with her partner cause she doesn't wanna move in together. Like allow me to ask why we needed this? they were sweet and reliable as side-characters, there were numerous other plot points they could've picked to give them some spotlight, and to shine light on the tribulations of dating as trans, and trusting your partner as trans, which is the closest to a good point I can dig out of that scene. But they went for an explosive argument that equates not wanting to move in together and do a next step in normative romance, as being an issue, as being the only continuation, no other parallel paths to love can exist. There is no future in relationships in this universe that doesn't end in your typical nuclear family constellation. And this is a queer show!!!

3) For a show with "Friends" on the title, and presented in its first episode exposition as about this group of friends, it is very unconcerned with the idea of friendship.

There's a loose connection between some characters but rarely have I seen acts of true friendship. I think Sand and Nick is the best, potentially only, good representation of a healthy friendship with no extra manipulative dynamics, even with the unfortunate tainting with betrayal, the apology and resolution is rooted in a healthy and horizontal and unselfish friendship; Mew supporting Ray when he (almost?) took an overdose in the bath years before is one too; Sand consistently helping Ray could be considered that even though the intentions are muddled with romance; maybe Top now helping Mew we could make an effort to see it as an act of friendship because he told Chueam he wanted to help him even if they don't end up together. Of course Chueam too, but again she's the woman insert to be the balance to the slutty selfish men, the voice of reason on the other side of the scale (I don't feel like going further into the stereotypical gender binarism of this, but...).

I'm scrambling so much for examples that even Boston giving Mew a slight phone pep-talk before he loses his virginity could be considered one in this world of absolute friend scarcity? But it's all a reach. They all have fairly complex histories and including some trauma, and not once have they had a heart-to-heart and tried to help each other through, they base their interactions in moaning about their current - or their pursuits of - romantic relationships, or judging those who are not pursuing them, or have addictions that impact them in finding one.

The occasions of help happen ultimately because people have reached such a desperate state that they need a dramatic intervention; and the fact characters reach this level of desperation shouldn't surprise us, because ultimately all of them lack the foundational support of a good friend group.

And this makes sense with my point 2 above - this show is deeply unconcerned with any type of relationship that isn't 1-on-1 romantic partner love. These folks just happen to share space, almost at random, in their lifelong pursuit of a regular long term partnership that ultimately exists in a contextual friendless void. Which makes me think about the wider context of why they're spending time together and this hostel they're opening for a school project. Of course they were "friends" before, and so we are told, but the moments we experience of them together is one in which they are out together for a reason, for school, and not simply because they love each other and want to hang out. I'd love to see them leave their current partners at home a few more times and just hang out in a bar as pals.

The End

And that's what they wrote until episode 9. Neely already sent me their final thoughts so I'll post them later this week.

Thanks for reading💜

I'll tag some people that left comments last time or reblogged. @doyou000me @respectthepetty @italianpersonwithashippersheart @o-nao-lugar @lurkingshan @heiscomingtomygrave If anyone else wants to get tagged for the final one let me know.

[midnightrings]

Writing Analysis: River Song (Part One: Silence of the Library/Forest of the Dead)

[Note: Some time ago, when I decided to rewatch Doctor Who to catch up (which has been a while ago, I keep getting distracted lmao) I’ve had the idea to pay some close attention to how River Song’s character arc and storyline evolve throughout the show. Mainly out of personal interest (and also because I’m still working on a River/Doctor multichapter fanfiction), I’ve started taking some notes during her appearances to somewhat analyse her character and writing.

I’ve always found her writing quite interesting because a) she was written out of order, and b) she only appeared in a handful of episodes/stories. Yet, I still completely fell in love with her character (and her relationship with the Doctor), never feeling like she or her arc were not fully developed.

I have not really shared many analyses/interpretations/etc. for a while now (mainly because I’m not that active in most fandom spaces anymore cause … well, they can be rather exhausting), though I always enjoy it and told myself I will start sharing them more often, just in case someone is interested in reading them. This will obviously be in several parts (that I have not finished yet, so I don’t know how long this will take). I will also keep it quite general throughout (so this won't be a deep dive analysis of her) as the focus lays more on how her character and relationship with the Doctor evolve, rather than trying to analyse every single frame. ]

River’s character

This two-parter introduces us to her character and we already learn quite a lot about her. The episodes show that she is clearly smart and intelligent - besides the fact that she is an archeology professor, she also shows technical knowledge and can easily follow the Doctor’s thoughts and instructions. She has a mind of her own and can be quite stubborn as well – not signing Lux’s agreement, not listening to the Doctor when she believes him to be in the wrong, taking charge herself. On top of that, she also displays a lot of compassion: she cares about her team’s wellbeing, obviously about the Doctor too, and later sacrifices herself to save everyone else. Essentially, she clearly shows a lot of character traits you would usually see in the Doctor’s companions, and perhaps even beyond that, as she appears equal to the Doctor in both, intelligence and agency.

“Funny thing is, this means you've always known how I was going to die. All the time we've been together, you knew I was coming here.”

This also introduces us to her theme of time (and time travel, obviously). She coins the term spoilers here, due to not being able to tell the Doctor anything about his future, despite his attempts to find out more. It also shows that she is responsible about time travel, as once she realizes the Doctor has never met her before, she tries to keep any possible spoilers to herself. She also prevents him from killing himself, keeping the timeline in tact (though this was probably majorly due to more selfish reasons, as she obviously did not want to eliminate their time together). This also makes her appear as rather mysterious, though I would not necessarily describe her as a generally secretive person, as she does not hide her emotions or thoughts as showcased by her conversations with and about the Doctor. She does not choose to be secretive, she simply has to be.

Relationship with the Doctor

“He hasn't met me yet. I sent him a message but it went wrong. It arrived too early. This is the Doctor in the days before he knew me. And he looks at me - he looks right through me - and it shouldn't kill me, but it does.”

The nature of their relationship (at least out of River’s perspective at this point) becomes pretty clear throughout the story. Messaging him via his psychic paper, the conversations (or, I’d rather say monologues) she has with her team and Donna in regards to the Doctor as well as her death speech show the close connection she has with him. The slight flirting (specifically in the beginning of the first episode, before she realizes he does not know her yet) also let’s us know exactly what type of connection that is, as well as her heartbreak upon realizing he has not met her before.

In this context, we also get the theme of trust. The Doctor is clearly wary of her, and when she uses a screwdriver (which a future version of the Doctor has given to her) – while it shows us even more how close they would be in the future – it makes him even more suspicious of her. This then prompts River to tell him his name in order for him to trust her. With his name representing such a huge secret and mystery, it is clear now that she is someone extremely special to him, and it becomes clear to the Doctor as well, turning his caution into trust (to some extent, at least). It also creates an interesting relationship between Ten and River for the rest of the episode, as – while he does not know her yet – he is aware that she will be important to him in the future, in the end saving her for his future self’s sake.

“Doctor, one day I'm going to be someone that you trust, completely. But I can't wait for you to find that out. So I'm going to prove it to you. And I'm sorry. I'm really very sorry.“

Of course, the theme of time plays an important role in their relationship here as well. River’s diary, which consists of their future together, becomes a symbol for their relationship, not just in this story, but throughout their episodes. River breaking the spoilers-rule by telling the Doctor that she knows his true name lays the aforementioned basis of trust they would not otherwise have. The screwdriver – though we won’t see it again until River’s last episode – also turns into another symbol, allowing the Doctor through his future self to save her, initially creating a paradox. And then, of course, her death: the Doctor, being forced to watch her die, before even knowing her, represents – despite the otherwise somewhat (twisted) happy ending – the tragedy of their relationship.

Mystery

Now, for a good part of her storyline, the mystery surrounding her character and her relationship with the Doctor is also a prominent theme. I’ve decided to make this a separate category instead of a continuous theme, as it obviously does not occupy her entire storyline but it is an interesting aspect to look at, and see how – in terms of writing – that mystery evolves.

At this point, the mystery consists of only one question: who is she in relation to the Doctor? Of course, River’s interactions with him throughout this two-parter, her final speech and the knowledge of his name strongly hint at the fact that she is in a romantic relationship with him (or will be in the future, out of his perspective). It is never completely revealed, of course but made as apparent as it could be without directly stating it. So the mystery at this point is more whether we will see her again and see her story with the Doctor unfold or not.

Misc. thoughts

I find it quite interesting that the term ‘spoilers’ was first used at the beginning of this story by the Doctor and Donna. While later on, it definitely becomes River’s term (almost like a catchphrase) and is primarily centered around their relationship, at this point it was clearly meant as a theme for the episode that they later reused for River’s entire arc.

General/Final thoughts

What I believe to be very interesting about this two-parter is that, obviously, no one knew whether River would return or not, and as such, she is written like a one-time character. Thankfully, she returned for future episodes, but the story did not need further episodes to back up her character arc. She has been created and written for this story and was as such an already fleshed-out character as we finish the two-parter. And I believe that this really helped her character writing. Had they already known she would return, I have no doubt she would’ve been left rather ambiguous, to allow to shape her character more as the story progresses and to create a bigger mystery (as is done later). Her character arc is already well rounded at this point, and all of the future storylines essentially simply add onto that and use this story as a basis for her character, basically functioning as an outline for her future story arc.

[wannaberp]

— WHO IS SOO SAMSOO?

he’s a TWNETY-THREE year old wannabe, born OCTOBER 31, 1999. he’s currently eyeing LIME ENTERTAINMENT and lives by the words “believe in everything you wish for.”

maybe you should learn more or ask him a question.

▶ PLAY THE CLIP [ audition_tape.mp4 ]

in truth, samsoo thought that maybe he might be doing something a bit outside of the box. should he really be actually sending in an audition tape to the company? Maybe he was being a little too out there, a little too ambitious in some light. no, he decides that he’s doing the right things. he’s meant to chase his dreams, he’s come this far, and samsoo isn’t getting any younger, and soon he might be considered a bit too old to actively reenter the industry. but, he doesn’t care, he was going to try his hardest, and he would debut again - this time, he’ll actually follow his dreams, rather than be left in the dust and not listen to his mother saying that he should just be a traditional dancer or ballet dancer instead, but samsoo doesn’t want that - he wants to be an idol, he wants to be on stage; not a ballet stage or something of that nature. so, this was one of his chances, and he was going to take it, even if there were nerves boiling up inside of him. as soon as he started, he knew that that was something that was going to go away. he moves across the yoga studio that he instructed in, making sure to set up the camera, and everything that he needed to make the video look right. he then comes to the center, where he sits, and is sure to warm up his muscles before he starts his audition tape.

he breathes in and out, slowly and deeply, much like you do with yoga. it’s rather helpful, in a sense, and he can feel those nerves coming down, while also making sure it’s stretched out for the performance that he’s about to give to the camera to send up to a bunch of executives at a company, but he was trying to forget that that was something that he was doing, but he’s done it before, so what was there to worry about? the worst thing that could be said was no and simply, soo samsoo can move onto the next opportunity that would come his way - because that was something that he was choosing to believe in, even if he could sometimes be a little bitter about the whole situation that he had previously been in. nonetheless, he finishes up with stretching and preparing himself, before he comes up to his feet, and stretches just a bit more with his arms. this was it, it was time.  

samsoo walks over to the camera, where he’d press record on it, before going back to his spot to make sure that he was very much in frame. then, he gets started, bowing towards the camera. “hello! my name is soo samsoo and i’m twenty-three years old! I have a focus on dance and vocals, something that i hope to continue if you have me as a trainee,” he says after he would come up from the bow. “today i’m going to show off both my dancing and vocals,” he states. “let’s get started,” he says, before he grabs the remote to switch the music on, before tinashe’s all hands on deck starts to play. an interesting choice, but he wanted to show that he’s a good choice, that he’s able to do whatever choreography is thrown at him, especially floor choreography. he moves to the music, following the choreography, and adding his own dancing touch to it - the fluid and sharp moment and the words of the song spilling from his lips as he sings, showcasing his capability to be able to sing and dance at the same time. he moves through everything that he needs to.

he finishes the performance, in the allowed time given to be able to show off his skills and he hopes it’s enough. he bows towards the camera, “thank you for watching my audition and considering me, i look forward to hearing back from you!” he said. before he moves to turn the camera off. he takes in a heavy breath, he felt good about it. he thinks he did good, enough that a company would ultimately want him as a trainee, at least hopefully. but, what does samsoo actually know, right? he could be completely wrong about it, he’d just have to deal with that. but, for now, he puts the camera away, before getting ready for his next yoga class to teach, he couldn’t worry about that right now when he’s got a job to do.

[peanutbutterandbananasandwichs]

choose violence ask game: 7, 16 & 20

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

The obvious answer is Dean but I don't hate him - even when I wanna kill him with hammers - and there's PLENTY of canon reasons for me to want to do that lol. But I do find him significantly more tolerable when I've not seen a fanon DeanGirl take in a few hours <3 Let me enjoy him in all his awfulness in PEACE please and thank.

Occasionally I feel it about Cas but again I do have genuine affection in my heart for him (although sometimes it more the theory of him than the reality you know lol). 16. you can’t understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

lol I could answer this one til the cows come home. A select few:

1) Dean being involved in any way with Sam's journey to Stanford or them having any contact whatsoever whilst Sam was there. I reject it utterly. (Him coming CLOSE to making contact with Dean I'm fine with but not it actually happening.)

2) Talking of Stanford, any depiction of Stanford Sam that doesn't understand the fundamental fact that this was Sam's one chance to get out, that he was a kid on a scholarship with no other financial or practical help or resources to fall back upon. He was absolutely taking this extremely seriously, probably to the point of crushing anxiety at times. (But yes he was also happy, its a balance.)

3) Perfect parent Dean in general, but in particular not acknowledging that not only could Dean not protect Sam from his feelings of otherness throughout his childhood, but that Dean was an active participant in the othering and perpetuating those feelings in Sam, because that's what his role in the family unit demanded of him.

20. part of canon you found tedious or boring

Angel politics. Genuinely insane how tedious most of it is post S6 (I actually like the background war in S6 it makes it feel much more tense and interesting that we largely DON'T see it happening). I've recently rewatched S9-11 and realising how LITTLE the angel story actually progresses in that time despite us having to spend soo much time with it dear lord. I also personally find much of the MoC storyline incredibly tedious (so sorry to Dean) - there are flashes where it's interesting and the underlying potential is good. But ultimately it has no lasting impact on Dean - it doesn't force him to confront anything about himself, even though its literally set up to be able to do so (it doesn't control you, it makes you more of what you already are). The framing in S10 with the show trying to explicitly parallel Sam trying to free Dean from the Mark to Dean forcing possession on Sam in S9 makes me what to tear my eyes out, and quite frankly every second that we spend watching Dean have nightmares about the Mark or lingering sadly on his face just hammers home the lack of that for Sam in S9 and it makes me scream. Ok so maybe it's not so much boring as infuriating lol. But a lot of it is just kinda tedious too!

[internerdionality]

Also, Crowley’s kiss was his fuck you, and this is why I cannot understand the perspective of people who are framing it as sweet and loving, like. What the fuck. Romantic, sure, in the sense of high tragedy, but Crowley is sure as hell not doing it to be sweet.

Literally Crowley and Aziraphale do the exact same thing in this scene. They’re furious at each other because each of them think they’ve finally found a way for them to be together—the way they both know they want—only to have the other reject it because it involves too big a compromise in who they are.

I’ve seen a bunch of meta addressing the kiss as a last-ditch effort at seduction, but I don’t think that’s really what it was—Crowley knew at that point that he’s already lost. If he’d been trying for seduction he would have been softer, more pleading, more vulnerable. He’d have taken the damn glasses off.

No, the kiss was half a “I have to have this if I’m never going to see you again, even if it means taking it” and half a “Fuck you, you’re going to turn your back on us? You’re going to choose Heaven over me? Let me show you exactly what you’re missing.”

And Aziraphale knows exactly what it is and can’t quite stop himself from reaching for it just a little bit anyway, and that’s why that “I forgive you” is so bitter and accusatory and furious. Because in his head he’s making this sacrifice for the greater good, and Crowley is not only refusing to help him, he’s actively making it harder.*

And so Aziraphale lashes back out in return. He mirrors Crowley slapping him upside the head with something he’s always secretly wanted but cannot accept, by hurling at Crowley something he’s always secretly wanted but cannot accept.

*Innuendo very much intended.

My two cents on Aziraphale's "I forgive you" is that he was straightforwardly lashing out. He knows how little Crowley wants to be forgiven. He knows because Crowley just told him. Crowley rejects forgiveness so absolutely that he rejects Aziraphale right along with it. It's the whole fight in a microcosm: Aziraphale standing there offering forgiveness and Crowley saying, I don't want it.

So maybe the words are Aziraphale showing he finally understands Crowley. He knows now that "I forgive you" is the very worst thing he could say to Crowley. That's why he says it. That's how he means it.

[fluffykitteninabox]

The MHA anime is animated weirdly:

ok i just watched the new episode and i have come to a realisation

most of the "ugly" shots of characters are from the front, but the characters look perfectly fine from the side

no no don't leave, hear me out...

ugly

pretty

ugly

pretty

except these 2 shots that are the exact same angle so i don't know wtf happened here:

ugly

pretty

rambling under the cut

WARNING: SPOILERS, NITPICKING & EXCESSIVE USE OF ITALICS

Now this is very interesting to me because most artists (me included) struggle drawing characters from the side and find the front view easier.

And the specific angle that Tenko is shown from here is (for me at least) one of the hardest in general, because you have to show the way the body turns without making it look weird.

In the baby Tenko screenshot the way his shoulders are positioned and how his neck is turned is unclear and a bit confusing. Or at least I can't see it.

In the adult Tomura screenshot these parts are a lot clearer.

It's not just his face that looks weird, it's the entire thing. The face problem mostly has to do with the hair. They made it less... fluffy!

If you look at the original panel too his ear is supposed to be visible and his mouth is supposed to be bigger

but in the very next shot he looks amazing:

look at the details, you can even see how his little teeth are crooked!

Bones really half asses specific parts of episodes and puts extra effort in others..

and that's usually normal for an anime,

but there's no real logic to what scenes get the premium treatment and which don't.

Or, to be more accurate, which characters get the premium treatment and which ones don't.

Take for example this scene from the beginning of the episode:

So I'm ok with how they handled this scene for the most part. Zooming in on his lips with no sound.

cool cool cool..

You can literally read them btw, even though my gif is kind of bad. But it looks like he introduced himself using his first name first and then his last name. (waiting for someone good at analysing shit like this to find what the order is implying 👀)

Hawks' reaction was a bit disappointing however. I was expecting the eye widening to be more dramatic and..

you know... faster

Usually when you're shocked at something your eyes widen at a pace that's definitely faster than this.

I won't pretend I'm an animation expert but i think this has to do with the amount of frames they used.

I usually make gifs from screenshots instead of screen recording, because most screen recorders make my phone really slow. So I have to repeatedly start and pause the video to do that.

Obviously the amount of screenshots i manage to take depends on how fast my fingers are each time, so i might not get every single frame.

But even then the difference in number here seems odd

I managed to get 12 screenshots of Dabi moving his lips, and 17 of Hawks' reaction. And I also miss clicked once and lost about a second of Hawks so there would have been more.

The number might not sound like much, but it's weird when you look at it. Go look at the actual episode if you need to, it's more noticeable there.

Why do we need so many frames for Hawks to react to this??

This sounds like extreme nitpicking but I genuinely think it would have looked better with less frames. Yeah it's cool that it looks smooth but smooth is not always what you want.

He's shocked, this is supposed to look abrupt. It's especially odd when you look at how detailed his face is in that shot.

Why would they choose this part to get the smooth premium animation when that actively hindered the scene

and didn't choose something like... I don't know.. Dabi silently name dropping himself while we see an extreme close up of his lips???

YES I'M FUCKING BIASED BUT I AM OBJECTIVELY CORRECT IN THIS!!

Wouldn't it have been cooler if they had made him enunciate his name and we got to see that in hyper detail?

Because that's the actual important part of this scene. We should be focusing on Dabi, not Hawks' reaction to Dabi.

This is kind of similar to the issues in the Shirakumo reveal scene in season 5. We should have been focusing more on Shirakumo/Kurogiri but because Bones were cowards and didn't animate the Vigilantes flashback chapters, we had to focus on Aizawa instead because that's who the viewers were more emotionally attached to so we needed him as an audience stand in to tell us what we should feel!

I swear if they decide to focus on Endeavor's stupid as fuck reaction during Dabi's reveal instead of him I will lose my shit!!

Also I just realised why the close up shot of Dabi's mouth looks wrong. Scroll back up and look at the gif..

His teeth are too straight!

Apparently someone forgot that humans also have canines!! I mean sure, some people's are less prominent, but his teeth look like they've been drawn with a ruler!

Tumblr posting my drafts again so everything under this point is me editing the post really hastily:

not much else to say

just kind of a conclusion thing i guess

basically i think bones is focusing on the wrong parts of some scenes or focusing on the wrong scenes during an episode in general.

Like Dabi's anger at the beginning of the episode and the dream sequence in Tomura's mind should have been the focal points. That's where the premium animation treatment should have gone.

I appreciate the extra dramatic animation when Tomura wakes up, but that wasn't as important as the entirety of the dream.

Everything looked so static. Yes they had some debris floating around, but if you pay attention to the floating parts of buildings where the characters were standing, all the debris around that wasn't moving at all. It was like it was still attached to the building with invisible strings when it should have probably been moving away.

This is the same issue I had with Twice's clones in the previous episode. He's supposed to be replicating them while Hawks is getting rid of them, but all we see is a static image of a bunch of clones.

Anyway that's enough ranting I think

congratulations if you've read this far, and thank you for tolerating my annoying rambling..

[watchmegetobsessed]

Tastes Like Strawberries - Harry Styles

a/n: oh this one is a long boi and might not be the end??? i’ve been working on this fic for days and i have an idea for a possible second part, but i wrote this one so it has a fulfilling ending so it can stand as a oneshot as well! i barely just started working on the sequel, we’ll se how it’ll turn out, maybe it goes to shit lmao but whatever, it’s still a nice and whole story without a second part! this is my V-day gift to you all, have this nice professor!harry fic as if it was a box of chocolate! 🍓 🍫 🍬

special thanks to @pastequeharry​ who put up with my constant rambling and whining while i was writing this, you are a hero, his is dedicated to you!!

pairing: professor!Harry x Reader

warning: sexual content, abusing relationship, it’s got smut, angst, lot’s of banter and all that jazz!

word count: 21.4k

masterlist

There’s just a handful of things to know about Professor Harry Styles and that’s because of one of those very few known facts, the first one being that he is a highly private person. He rarely talks about himself or any aspects of his life, he always makes sure to keep it as professional as possible whenever he is teaching.

Second, he is easily the smartest professor to ever walk on campus, but he doesn’t like to brag about it. You never catch him showing off how much he knows, how big of a genius he is, you’ll just start to realize from the way he teaches and approaches certain topics, how he interacts with others and tries to pass his knowledge down to his students. He is brilliant and he should have all the credits for it, yet he still chooses to keep it to himself.

Third, and it’s the most well-known fact because to see this you just need to have a pair of eyes, he is undeniably the most handsome man to ever teach or if you’re being more precise, walk the hallways of the university. No football crazy, alcoholic fratboy or dreamy looking indie guy from the library can live up to what Professor Harry Styles is. With a face clearly carved by the angels, a nicely built but not too muscular frame, and occasionally displayed tattooed arm that makes you wonder what other artworks his stylish outfits are hiding, there’s no man like him and every female on campus agrees with that.

His lectures and courses are jampacked with sighing and heart-eyed college girls, daydreaming about the man who is solemnly just trying to teach the things he is so passionate about. But it’s not just the students, Professor Styles has managed to charm the female professors of all faculties, you can see them wander by his office way too often, they take any opportunity to talk to the man and try to seduce him. It’s unknown if he is oblivious to the effect he has on women or he chooses to ignore every and any attempts, but this is what leads us to the fourth fact.

Despite all the effort and energy that’s been put into his case by every single woman on campus to break the walls the professor has built around himself, he never let any of his students or colleagues to even think they could be romantically linked for real. Professor Styles keeps his distance and turns down any offer that could be mistaken to anything that doesn’t fit in the professional boundaries.

Anytime a student puts on the slightest flirtatious act towards the professor, he either rejects it straight away or ignores it completely and blatantly, making it his clear answer that he is not interested and then he goes back to teaching. You’ve seen it yourself, having him as one of your professors first year of uni, you fell for him just like every other girl in the lecture hall, dreaming about him in ways you probably shouldn’t think of a teacher while he was just casually talking about his grading system and how he is going to build up the lectures throughout the semester. Some brave girls who you assume were highly celebrated by boys in high school took the courage to openly flirt with him, but he didn’t even flinch before shutting all attempts down, not even a blush appeared on his perfectly cut cheekbones.

You thought of ways you’d try to seduce him yourself, but you never actually tried. You never had the balls to actually give it a go and then suffer from the worst embarrassment of your life when he rejects you. So you kept it all to yourself, only entertaining yourself with your elaborate plans about the seduction of your professor.

Second year passed without any classes with Professor Styles, you had only occasionally seen him come and go, rushing down the hallways holding his notebooks to his chest, a steaming cup of coffee in his other hand as he was heading to his lecture hall that you just knew was filled with girls. You always took a moment to yourself to admire his outfit. He has a tendency to pair odd items and make them look like the most put together fit ever that only he can pull off. However, you and your girlfriends always loved to tease him between each other for his grandpa-like sweaters and vests he seemed to love dearly.

“He confuses me, because I want him to fuck me on his desk but also, I feel like he is about to ask me what periodt means because he is too old to understand slang these days,” your friend, Nat said once when your little group was lounging under the huge oak tree between classes and the professor rushed past you, disappearing in the building without paying any of you a look. He wore a pair of beige slacks and a striped sweater, a wrinkly grey shirt peeking from under it at the bottom. The colors and the style overall once again gave you that old people feeling, but then you looked at his handsome face and couldn’t care any less about whatever he was wearing.

The most intimate way you ever saw him was a few days after your twenty-first birthday the summer before your last year of uni started. You just got back from your hometown, the first person to arrive back to your shared flat with Nat and Eden, so you had a few days on your own. You decided to redecorate your room so you took a trip to IKEA, taking your time looking through the set up rooms, just wandering around as you try to figure out what you really want to buy. Walking through the living room section you spotted the professor and first, you didn’t even recognize him.

He was wearing a pair of bright yellow shorts and a short sleeved shirt with floral prints on it, a pair of white framed sunglass on top of his head, keeping his unruly strands out of his face as he was eyeing a couch, seemingly deep in his thoughts. You stopped in your tracks, seeing him in such a casual and everyday setting. For some reason, he seemed like a completely different person.

A woman was there with him and as you walked closer you could hear a fraction of their discussion.

“I don’t know, Gems. Do I need a couch this big?”

“Looks comfy and I like the color. It would also fit in the space just right, I think you should get the bigger one if you have the space for it,” the woman put her two cents in and you wondered who she could be. Girlfriend? Just a casual friend? Maybe fiancé? She did have a ring that could easily go as an engagement ring so you couldn’t tell for sure.

As you were about to walk past you suddenly took the courage to say hi.

“Hello, Professor Styles!” you greeted him with a warm smile and his eyes flickered over to you from the couch in question. One thing you always admired about him is that he never forgot the faces of his students and as he looked at you, you knew he recognized you even if he didn’t know your name specifically.

“Oh, hello,” he nodded in your way.

“I like the couch,” you commented before slowly moving on. “Have a nice rest of your summer!”

“You too, Y/N,” he called after you and it took you by surprise that he remembered your name. Your lecture he taught had almost over a hundred students in it and you weren’t the most active one to stand out that easily, yet he still remembered you more than you were expecting.

That small encounter kept you thinking about him for way longer than you probably should have, especially because you knew you’d have a lecture with him again in the upcoming semester. Your daydreams about him made their way back into your mind as you spent the last days of your summer mostly with your friends. It got you thinking that if you managed to get him to remember your name, maybe you would give one of your plans a go and shoot your shot. He wouldn’t be teaching you in your last semester so you wouldn’t have to face him after he rejects you.

And this is how you came up with your little scheme.

On your last Sunday evening before school starts, you, Nat and Eden sit in the floor of your living room, drinking some white wine as a way of saying goodbye to the carefree summer moments and getting back to the working days of being a senior at uni. Professor Styles came up completely randomly and you let it slip that you’ve just seen him recently at IKEA with a woman and it all led to you admitting that you’ll finally shoot your shot at the professor. Nat and Eden both did the same already, however their attempts were completely ignored and they always bugged you to give it a try yourself, being the only one in your group who hasn’t tried to seduce the professor yet.

“I’ll tell you, but you can’t tell me it’s stupid because I actually think it’ll be funny and a little bit genius,” you tell them before you start sharing the details on your plan.

“Just spill the beans already!” Eden pokes you before she reaches for the bottle and refills her glass.

“Okay, so you both know I took this psychology class last semester for extra credits, right?” The nod and you continue. “The teacher told us about this thing called classical conditioning or they call it pavlovian response too. The guy, Pavlov, did an experiment where he paired the feeding of dogs with a bell ring and after a certain amount of time the dogs started salivating at just the sound of the bell, because they remembered that it’s connected to food. The teacher said this is literally one of the easiest tricks to pull on people.”

“Oh, isn’t this one of the things Jim did on Dwight in The Office?” Nat asks furrowing her eyebrows.

“It is!” you nod, glad that they are understanding the base of your plan. “So, I’ve heard that Professor Styles loves strawberry flavored candies. I thought that I would bring some every day when I see him and offer him some. Slowly, he’ll pair the candy with the thought of me and he’ll get excited when he sees me because he’ll think I have candy for him and it will hopefully work the other way around and he’ll think of me when he is eating strawberry flavored candy that’s not from me.”

Your friends blink at you for a moment, processing what you just shared with them before Eden takes a huge sip of her drink.

“This is the most ridiculous but also the most genius thing I’ve ever heard,” she nods holding her glass up towards you.

“I can’t believe you will pull a psychological experiment on Professor Styles,” Nat shakes her head with a soft chuckle.

“It’s not a blunt way to get closer to him and if he accuses me of trying to flirt I can just say that I’ve been only sharing candy with him, I literally did nothing,” you point out, pretty proud of your solution to your deep fear of having to take his rejection publicly.

“If you get a Noble for this shit, make sure to thank us in your speech,” Eden laughs and you promise to do so when the big moment comes.

Monday morning you make a quick trip to Target and buy a big bag of strawberry flavored candies, probably enough to last for the whole semester, and then you make your way to campus. Following your first lecture you meet up with Eden who also signed up for Professor Styles’ lecture this semester, so the two of you make your way towards the lecture hall together.

“I really can’t believe you are doing this,” she chuckles when you get the candy ready as you near the room. The professor is always the first one in the lecture hall so you know you’ll find him there already.

“You can’t tell me it’s not a funny plan,” you smirk at her. And just as you walk in, you immediately spot the professor sitting at the desk at the front, going over the syllabus before the start. “Save a seat for me,” you tell Eden who just laughs and makes her way up the stairs along the desks.

Grabbing the pack of sweets from your bag you walk up to the professor, feeling confident with your plan. He lifts his head up when he notices your arrival and your eyes meet with his green ones.

“Hello, professor. Would you like some candy?” you simply ask with an innocent smile.

Professor Styles stares at you for a moment before his eyes move down to the candy in your hand, the opening of the bag facing him in a welcoming manner.

“I, uhh… what flavor?” he curiously asks and you can barely push down your smirk.

“Strawberry.”

“Oh. I’ll… take one, thank you,” he nods, hand reaching into the bag as he grabs just one single candy, unwrapping the package before he pops it into his mouth. “Thank you,” he nods again with a delightful smile.

“Of course. Did you buy the couch?” you ask, taking slow steps away from the desk as he keeps his eyes on you.

“I… did not. Bought another one,” he admits shortly and you know you’ve reached the limit. If you ask more, he’ll get suspicious, so you just nod smiling before walking up to the spot Eden has reserved for you. When you sit down, you catch the professor paying you one last glance before he returns to what he was previously doing.

“You are a genius, because now we can watch him suck on a fucking candy for the next few minutes,” Eden mumbles quietly, making you laugh.

“I knew this would be a good plan,” you sigh, satisfied with the work you’ve done. Now it’s just a matter of time.

Every Monday and Wednesday, you arrive with the same bag of candy to the lecture hall, walk up to Professor Styles and offer him one. And he always takes one. The first few times he seems hesitant when he spots you approaching him, but he slowly grows used to your tiny act of kindness that occurs every time you see him. On week three you expand the plan. You usually have lunch with Nat on Thursdays since you both have a break between one and two pm. The two of you try to take advantage of the warm early autumn days and sit under the pergola that’s near the building where Professor Styles’ office is as well. It’s mere coincidence, you only like that place because it’s close to the lecture hall you have to go to after lunch, but you notice that the professor emerges from Building C around one thirty, walking back to his office probably after one of his classes. The sidewalk runs directly next to the pergola so it gives you a chance to bring the candy out one more time every week. You nicely greet him when he is nearing the two of you and then hold out the bag, asking if he wants some. He always takes one and thanks you with a sweet smile that leaves you a tad bit blushed.

“I can’t fucking believe your plan is working,” Nat chuckles in disbelief on one occasion when the professor just disappeared in the building, probably happily unwrapping his candy of the day.

“It’s funny, innit?” you grin at her proudly.

Frankly, this is just a fun experiment for you. You don’t actually think that the professor will think of you differently even the slightest. You might be able to plant the thought of you in his head, but that doesn’t instantly mean that he’ll start fancying you and actually do something about it. It would be ridiculously naïve to think it’s going to be you who breaks through the wall that hundreds of women had already tried to knock down.

Week six is what brings the breakthrough. After long consideration and discussion with Nat and Eden, you decide to test if the experiment has been successful. You offer one last candy on Monday, but Wednesday brings the change. You go to lecture without candy. Well, you have it on you, but you decide not to ask him if he wants some.

Walking into the lecture hall, as always, he is already sitting at his desk, flipping through the pages of a book when you walk up to him with the intention of asking him a question on the paper that’s due next week.

“Professor Styles?” you softly speak up, catching his attention. “Can I have a question about the paper?”

“Of course,” he nods and you can’t tell just yet if he was expecting the candy or not.

“I was wondering if I can use a diagram to visualize my results at the end. I have a brilliant idea to summarize the data with one.”

“Sure, just make sure to give credit wherever it’s due, if you are using someone else’s work for the diagram.”

“Definitely,” you smile at him and wait a moment. That’s where you see the anticipation in his eyes.

His gaze flickers down to your hands and then to your bag where you always carry the candy and when his eyes meet yours again, you see him swallow hard.

He was expecting the candy. Not only expecting, but he started salivating when he saw you, thinking that he would get the candy from you as always.

“Is… that all?” he asks, the slightest hint of hope appearing in his tone, probably waiting for you to pull the bag of candy out of your bag and offer him one. But it’s not happening today.

“Yes, thank you very much,” you nod smiling widely before you turn around and walk away, a shocked and triumphant look appearing on your face once he can’t see it anymore and when Eden sees you, she gasps.

“He fucking expected the candy, didn’t he?!” she whispers at you in shock and you nod frantically, still not believing your plan worked.

“You should have seen the anticipation in his eyes, he really thought I was gonna offer him some!”

“Oh my God, this is hilarious!” Eden laughs covering her mouth as the lecture hall starts to fill up slowly.

Turning forward, you see that the professor is sitting behind his desk, the book that had his attention before your arrival is long forgotten in front of him, now he is staring ahead of him with slightly furrowed eyebrows, deep in his thoughts.

Is he thinking about you? Or why he was expecting candy from you?

You see him reach for his water bottle and he takes two big gulps probably to wash away his need for the candy before he narrows his eyes and at last they find you in the auditorium. You tilt your head to the side innocently smiling, as if you know absolutely nothing about anything. You keep eye-contact, forcing you not to be the one who breaks it and he is intimidating. You feel like he can read your mind as he stares at you and when he finally turns his gaze back at the book, you exhale sharply.

The lecture goes down just as usual and when the professor dismisses the class you decide to put the cherry to the top. Walking down between the desks you grab a candy from your bag and while the professor is talking to a girl who also had a question about the paper, you place the candy to his desk next to his book. He doesn’t see you walk out and you don’t see him when he finds it, but something is telling you he figured you out. No way a man as smart as him doesn’t realize what game you’ve been playing with him.

Sitting under the pergola on Thursday you are deep in discussion with Nat, helping her with a task sheet she has to turn in after lunch but she completely forgot about it. As the two of you are trying to do the seemingly endless sheet, you don’t even notice the professor walking from Building C, as always, but he spots you.

“No, I don’t think that’s even a thing, you can’t write that,” you tell Nat, but she shakes her head.

“I don’t care if it’s a thing, I just want to fill in the whole thing so the teacher doesn’t think I finished it in twenty minutes before class,” she mumbles, scribbling down her answer as you just chuckle at her.

Suddenly, you see a pair of dusty Vans appear in your sight and as your eyes move up, you are facing none other than Professor Styles, standing right in front of you, holding out his hand with his hand turned upwards, a cheeky smile tugging on his lips. His appearance takes you by surprise and for a moment you just dumbly stare down at his palm, then up at his eyes.

“Very smart. Pulling a pavlovian on me with my favorite candy,” he speaks up, dropping his hand as he cocks his head to the side. Nat looks up from her sheet with wide eyes as you stare at the professor with blushing cheeks.

“I have no idea what you are talking about, professor,” you tell him with a knowing smirk.

“Of course. You know, it took me a moment to realize yesterday, but I wanted to let you know that… I think it was clever.”

“If I knew anything about what you’re talking about… I would say thank you. But I stand up for my innocence.”

“Surely,” he chuckles softy. “Have a great rest of your week,” he then nods before turning around to walk away, but you quickly reach into your bag and grab a candy.

“Professor Styles!” you call out and he turns back just in time to catch the candy you throw in his way. He glances at it in his palm before his eyes snap up to you again, smirking at you shortly before he disappears in the building.

“Okay, call me stupid, but I could feel the sexual tension between the two of you,” Nat says as soon as the professor is out of sight.

“Don’t be silly, it was just… a joke and he liked it.”

“He called you clever, Y/N!”

“No, he called my trick clever.”

“But you came up with it so you’re clever too. Say whatever you want, but I actually think you have a shot at him.”

“I definitely don’t,” you laugh shaking your head and you genuinely believe it. Nat scoffs before she gets back to her sheet, but not without having one last thought about the situation.

“We’ll be laughing at how you brainwashed him into liking you when you’ll be dating for years, living together and all that shit.”

You’ve made some very questionable choices in your dating life prior. Like when you dated a boy in high school and let him take your virginity at the back of his mom’s minivan just to break up with your right after that, or when you briefly dated the guy you met at the mall, but it later turned out he was gay and he used you as his cover up in front of his family. But the worst decision of all was dating an egoistic forty years old loser who just freshly got divorced and went after you at some tacky bar you were at with your friends.

The time you spent dating Victor is way less than the time he has been bothering you, trying to make you go back to him when you’ve actually told him you don’t want anything to do with him anymore. You broke up with him just before you went home for the summer and he didn’t take it well, even drove up to your hometown and showed up at your parents’ house drunk, begging for you to take him back. He never stood a chance, not after that one time he slapped you across the face during a fight the two of you had. You tolerate a lot of things but not violence and you don’t believe him when he says it was just a onetime thing. There’s no guarantee he won’t hit you ever again and you are definitely not waiting around to see if he told you the truth.

On this particular late October evening you are searching through your whole room looking for a book you know you have, but can’t seem to find anywhere. It’s your holy bible about research methodology and you need it for your thesis work, but it seems like the small apartment has completely swallowed it.

“Didn’t you leave it at Victor’s? You were working on that long essay when you were dating him, saw you use the book all the time,” Eden tells you when you ask her if she’s seen it anywhere and then it clicks.

She is right, now you remember leaving the book at his once and you completely forgot to pick it up after things got nasty between the two of you.

“Damn it,” you growl in annoyance.

Not feeling like calling him, you send him a quick text, hoping he still has it and hasn’t burned it after one of your fights.

Y/N: Hey, I think I left my research methodology book at yours. You still have it?

Victor: I do.

Y/N: Cool, can I drop by to pick it up?

Victor: I’m leaving for work, you can come to the bar if you want it.

You sigh in defeat. Victor is a bartender at a place that’s all the way across town, takes almost an entire hour to get there, but you are left with no other choice.

Y/N: Okay, I’ll see you there.

The raining has finally stopped this morning so you feel better leaving the house than you would have if it was still pouring. You take the bus and travel across town, feeling anxious to see Victor again. Last time you met him he cursed you out and threw his phone at you, barely missing your head. You promised yourself you wouldn’t go near him again after that, but it seems like you can never get completely rid of him.

Students rarely come to this part of the town, it’s way too far from campus and has nothing to offer that can’t be found closer to the dormitories or the school’s buildings. It’s not entirely your scene either, the bars around here are liked by older generations, not by people your age, this is another reason why you don’t like coming around here.

The bar where Victor works is a place where they have different local bands perform every Friday and Saturday. It’s not a tacky nook with creepy dudes, they actually have prices on the higher end, not something you can necessarily afford with your part time job’s paycheck from the small accounting office near your apartment where you work as an assistant on your free afternoons.

Walking into the place you immediately spot Victor behind the bar and you take a deep breath before you walk up to him.

“Hey,” you call out for him, taking one of the stools along the bar.

“Hey. Long time no see.”

“Happens when you break up with someone,” you respond with a little spice and he frowns at your words. “Can you give me the book?”

“I’ll have a break in ten, can you wait for that or you have something extra urgent shit to do, as always?” You can tell he is still bitter from how things ended between the two of you, but you’ve learned not to care about it. His way of dealing with the breakup is not your responsibility, no matter how hard he is trying to prove it wrong.

You roll your eyes but nod, knowing well there’s no use to fight him. Ten minutes is not the end of the world. Busying yourself on your phone, you try to stay unnoticed and luckily, Victor can’t keep chatting with you, because customers keep coming up to him and ordering drinks. When he finally has his break he tells you to follow him to the back.

“So how have you been?” he asks as you walk down the hallway that leads to the small break room, there’s an office at the end and some kind of changing room you guess for the bands, along with a storage.

“Fine.”

“You really gonna be a bitter bitch and not talk to me?” he asks you, giving you a disgusted look, but you know it’s just the anger talking from him.

“Victor, I didn’t come here to talk, I just need my book!”

“That doesn’t mean you can’t answer my question.”

“I answered it! I’ve been fine, now give me the damn book!” you growl, losing your patience with him, but he is seemingly in the same shoes.

“When will you stop being a bitch and just drop this ridiculous act, Y/N? I’ve been after you for months yet you keep ignoring me!”

“Did it ever occur to you that I’m ignoring you because I don’t want anything to do with you? Victor, it’s been months, just… move the fuck on! Go cry to your ex-wife or something, I don’t care!”

You didn’t mean to snap, but he always brings the worst out of you. From the corner of your eyes you can see movement at the other end of the hallway where the changing room is, but you don’t get to pay much attention to it, because the next moment Victor grabs you by your arm and yanks you towards him.

“Don’t fucking talk to me like that! You ungrateful slut, I swear…”

There’s little you can do, he is twice as big as you are, his grip on your arm so strong there’s no doubt it will leave a mark. Your heart is racing as you try to pull yourself out of his hold, but he doesn’t even bat an eye at your attempt.

However, before he could drag you into the empty breakroom to do god knows what, he is stopped by a voice.

“Hey! Let her go!”

If you weren’t shocked enough at his violent reaction, now you are definitely think you’re going nuts, because it’s none other than Professor Styles who is now nearing you with a hard expression on his face, two other guys following right behind him and though none of them are bigger than Victor, he knows he can’t just start a fight with three men.

Your chest is heaving when the professor finally reaches you and Victor’s hold lets go of you, making you fall back a little.

“You perform here twice and think you’re some kind of rockstar?” Victor spats at the professor, but you’re a little lost in what’s really going on. Professor Styles gently grabs your wrist and pulls you behind him, eyes never leaving Victor’s burning gaze.

“You alright?” one of the other two men asks and you nod, not finding your voice to actually speak.

“Get the hell out of my sight before I call the police on you,” the professor answers in a calm yet threatening voice

Victor takes a second to himself, thinking about the choices he has before he turns around and disappears in the breakroom, slamming the door behind him, leaving you in complete shock about what just happened.

Professor Styles then turns around, his eyes soften at seeing how shaken you are and quite frankly, you feel like you are in a bad and quite weird dream.

“Are you okay? Did he hurt you?” he asks, clearly worried about you and you just shake your head no.

“I-I’m fine, I think,” you mumble out of breath.

“Come on, let’s get out of here,” the guy who asked if you’re alright suggests and you nod in agreement, following them kind of blindly, the three of them keeping you in their little circle as you walk out to the bar and they don’t stop until you are out of the place in the cold night air. You slowly come back to reality and process that Professor Styles just saved you out of fucking nowhere from your abusive asshole ex. That’s what you call a plot twist.

You finally take a moment to look at the other two guys, they both look the same age as the professor, or maybe a little older, both of them are rocking some facial hair, the one that asked you seems a little more open while the other one quite reserved but friendly looking.

“What… What were you doing back there?” you ask, turning to face the professor. He clearly seems upset, but you’re not sure if it’s entirely because of what happened with Victor back then or because you are standing outside some random bar on a Saturday night, definitely crossing his personal boundaries he keeps so high at school.

“We played here tonight, was just about to leave when I saw you.”

“You have a band?” you ask, shocked at the detail.

“A pretty good one,” the talkative guy chuckles. “I’m Adam, nice to meet you. This is Mitch.”

You shake hands with them introducing yourself as well.

“Y/N is… my student,” the professor adds as if he is clearing the air for his bandmates, a kind of warning for them.

From the direction of the parking lot two women emerge, laughing on something as they walk up to the four of you, both of them eyeing you curiously.

“Hey boys, who is this pretty girl?”

“Sarah, Charlotte, this is Y/N, she is my student. Y/N, these are my other band mates, Sarah and Charlotte,” the professor introduces you as you shake hands with them quickly.

“I-I’m sorry I interrupted your time with your friends, professor,” you shyly apologize, feeling like a complete intruder all of a sudden with all his bandmates around you.

“Interrupt? Sweetheart, that dude was about to do some unforgivable things to you, don’t apologize for needing help,” Adam snorts. “You’re lucky we were there.”

“What? What happened?” Sarah asks in confusion.

“Just… my asshole ex got a little too violent when I didn’t want to chit-chat with him,” you admit with a defeated sigh.

“Oh shit, but are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” you smile faintly, though you still can feel his grip on your upper arm. “I, um… I better get going, I guess. Thank you for… the saving,” you say, a little lost about what should be said in this situation.

“You’re leaving? We were just about to go to a much better place, why don’t you come with us, forget about your ex a little?” Charlotte offers and you catch the professor’s panicked look for a split second.

“I, um… I don’t think I should, but thank you.”

“Why shouldn’t you?” Sarah questions.

“Because I know how Professor Styles hates to mingle with students outside of lectures and I don’t want to cross any lines,” you truthfully admit. The professor furrows his eyebrows.

“I don’t hate mingling with students,” he states.

“Well, you are surely not the most reachable professor on campus,” you chuckle lightly. “But it’s fine, I understand it. So I’ll just head home.”

“Come on, Harry. Let her tag along for just one drink!” Sarah begs and seemingly everyone would be happy to have you join for a little. The professor’s eyes meet yours, as if he is contemplating whether he should say yes or let you go home. When he finally speaks up you’re more surprised than when you realized it was him saving you from Victor.

“I guess you could use a drink after what happened in there,” he says, the tiniest smirk showing on his lips as your eyes shoot up.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, come on,” he nods and your little group heads down the street.

Turns out the place they were heading to was just two corners down, so they left all their stuff at the minivan at the parking lot for the time being. You slide into an empty booth, Adam and Mitch go to get the first round, so it’s just the three of you girls and the professor.

“So you’re in one of Harry’s lectures?” Charlotte asks with a warm smile.

“Yeah, for the second time, actually. Had him in first year, now it’s my fifth semester and I had no doubt I have to take his class if I have the chance.” You pay a glance at him, but he is staring at his hands on his lap, you can’t tell if it’s because he is uncomfortable with you there or if it’s something else.

“It’s so funny, because we’ve heard that he is known to be a good teacher but we never actually heard it from one of his students,” Sarah chuckles. “What’s he like?”

“Sarah, you enjoy talking about me when I’m very much present?” he scoffs, giving her a look, but she just shrugs innocently.

“Come on, I bet even you’re curious about what your students think of you. Now is your time to find it out!”

“I think Professor Styles knows very well that he is one of the best, if not the actual best,” you truthfully say and see him raise his eyebrows a little.

“What makes him so good?” Charlotte questions.

You glance at him again, as a way of asking for permission if you can answer. You definitely don’t want to make him even more uncomfortable by talking about him when he is right next to you. He looks into your eyes, and his expression tells you that he wants to hear your answer as well, but he quickly adds:

“You don’t have to answer, Y/N.”

“It’s not a secret,” you admit it with a smile. “Professor Styles’ lectures always leave you with a question to think about until next week, he is great at getting into your head without you even noticing. He explains the most complicated things in so simple ways, it should be taught,” you say with a soft chuckle. “I think his enormous knowledge about many different fields in science and just life in general is amusing, anyone can learn something from him, it’s guaranteed.”

“Wow, where is this academic genius side of yours when you’re around us, or we only get to see the dad joke version of you?” Sarah teases him and you can’t push down a laugh, imagining him cracking dad jokes feels so alien but still kind of fitting for him.

“That’s what you get when you’re a nosy little thing,” he retorts with a small smirk. He then turns to you, and as Sarah and Charlotte are laughing on something, he lowly tells you: “You can call me Harry outside of school. Feels weird that you call me professor when my friends are around.”

“You sure?”

He nods and you spot a small smile on his lips. He must be getting used to the feel of you being there, but you still don’t want to push his limits too much.

“Can I ask you something?” he questions, leaning back in his seat.

“Of course.”

“If your ex is this aggressive, why were you there with him?”

His question is surprising, you didn’t think he would ask you something personal, but you guess it���s a valid question after he just saved you from Victor.

“I wanted to get a book back that I left at his place. Didn’t even get to the point where he could have given it back,” you mumble under your breath.

“What book?”

“Just this… research methodology book, wanted it back for my thesis work, but I guess I’ll have to buy a new one,” you huff bitterly.

“Is it the one written by William Scott?”

“Y-Yeah, it is. You know it?” you ask, but then realize it’s a bit of a dumb question. He probably knows every academically important book you will ever come across.

“I actually have it myself,” he nods. Just then, Mitch and Adam return with the drinks and you thank them for the beer, already reaching for your money to pay, but Adam shakes his head.

“It’s on me, don’t worry.”

You watch as Mitch sits beside Sarah, curling an arm around her shoulders and though you couldn’t have guessed that they are a couple, seeing them like this it actually makes sense, they look cute together.

You take a sip from your beer, trying to join the conversation Sarah and Charlotte are having, when your attention is pulled back by Harry.

“I can… lend you the book, if you want.”

“Oh, you don’t have to. I’ll just get a new one.”

“No, really. I think I even have two copies, I can give one to you.”

“I couldn’t ask you that, prof—I mean Harry.”

“You’re not asking,” he smiles at you softly. “I probably won’t need both, so why not put the extra into use?”

“Okay, but I’ll pay for it,” you insist, but Harry shakes his head.

“No need, one of them was a gift so I didn’t pay for it either.”

“Well… if you’re sure about it, I would love to have that extra copy, thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“So Y/N, what do you study exactly?” Adam questions, pulling you out of your little discussion with Harry.

“I’m majoring in anthropology, but I’ve been taking some psychology classes on the side just because I’m interested in the topics.”

“And what is Harry teaching you?”

“Had him for intro Sociology lecture first year, now I’m in his Methodology of Cultural Anthropology class.”

“All these subjects with their GY endings, I don’t know how you two put up with science on this level,” Sarah huffs in amusement.

“The names sometimes sound fancier than the subject itself,” you tell her smiling.

“But I bet you need to be quite smart to study these stuff on this level you are at.”

“Oh, it’s just a bachelorette degree, I wouldn’t say I’m that smart,” you chuckle shyly.

“She is totally toning it down,” Harry speaks up, catching everyone’s attention. “I know students tend to take my into Sociology class for just some extra credits so I always give them two options for the semester. They can either write a two pages long review of any article related to the topics talked about at lecture and get their strong C with the bare minimum, or actually participate and do a research of their own and turn in an at least seven pages long essay about their chosen topic. Y/N turned in an eleven pages long paper on the history of death sentences in the U.S. in the last fifty years and how society is thinking about it nowadays. It was easily one of the best works I’ve ever read and it was just an intro class.”

“You remember my essay?” you ask in complete shock.

“Of course. As I said, one of the bests I’ve read,” he nods confidently.

“So you’re like… on Harry’s smart level, actually?” Sarah asks, tilting her head to the side and you can feel yourself blushing.

You’ve always been said to be the smart kid at school, but you never thought it to be true yourself. In your book, you were just doing your absolute best, soaking in whatever knowledge was thrown in your way. You never actually understood how someone could just not study for an exam or not do an assignment, because you always felt like it was your duty to do the best you can. You thought yourself to be more of a hard-working student rather than a smart one.

“She is definitely a bright one,” Harry agrees, his eyes meeting yours as a small smile appears on his lips and you think that this is the biggest compliment you’ve ever gotten. “She actually tricked me with a psychological experiment and I didn’t even realize it,” he laughs and you can’t hold your smirk back.

“What? What did you do?” Charlotte asks, dying to know how you played Harry.

“Have you heard of the Pavlovian response?” you ask looking around and you can tell it rings a bell for all of them.

“The one with the dogs and the bell?” Mitch asks and you nod.

“Wait you did that on Harry?” Adam laughs with wide eyes and you just nod with a sly smile.

“I just offered him strawberry flavored candies every time I saw him. Took me six weeks to build up the response but he actually started expecting it whenever he saw me,” you tell them chuckling to yourself.

“And I only realized it when she stopped with the candy and I felt this massive feeling that something was missing,” Harry adds shaking his head with a soft laugh.

“Okay, that’s hilarious,” Sarah snorts clapping her hands together. “Y/N, I adore you, you’re brilliant!”

“It was just… an experiment,” you shrug shyly.

The night carries much faster than you realize. One drink turns into three and before you could realize, it’s already past midnight. Eden texts you, asking where you are since you said you’d just get the book and go home right away, but it’s been hours.

Y/N: Don’t freak out, but I’m at a bar with Prof. Styles and his friends. I’ll tell you everything tomorrow!

Eden: HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME NOT TO FREAK OUT AFTER READING THIS???!?!

Y/N: Lol, chill. Nothing extra is happening.

Eden: It’s already extra that you’re out with him.

Realizing how late it is, you decide you better get going, since it’s a long way back home. When you tell the little group that you’re about to head out, they all agree that it’s time to part ways and leave, so you all slowly make your way back to the parking lot.

“Do you know where the bus stop is back?” you ask, narrowing your eyes, trying to spot where you should be heading.

“You want to go home by bus at this time?” Harry asks.

“Well, I surely won’t pay for a ride, I live almost an hour away from here.”

“An hour?” he frowns. “I’ll take you home, come on,” he tells you, heading towards the minivan.

“What? No need. The bus is fine,” you protest, but he shakes his head.

“You are not taking the bus at this hour, not under my watch,” he simply states and you raise your eyebrows at him.

“Didn’t realize I was under your watch,” you tease him and it seems like your comment caught him off-guard. “Don’t piss your pants, I was just joking,” you tell him, and thought for a second you feel like you are being way too comfortable around him, his smile quickly smashes your doubts.

Sarah, Mitch and Charlotte all take an Uber since they live near each other and Adam is picked up by his wife, so when everyone is off to their own way, you and Harry get in the van and head to your place.

“How long have you had the band?” you ask, in need to break the silence that’s been weighing down on the two of you. “If you don’t mind me asking,” you add quickly when you see him.

“About four years. Used to have another one, but we parted ways.”

“And what do you do in the band?”

“I, uhh… Well I mostly sing but I also play the guitar.”

“You know, I’m not that surprised you can sing,” you chuckle to yourself sinking further down in your seat.

“How come?”

“You have a voice that’s great to listen to at lectures, makes sense that you can sing as well.”

You take a moment to look at his hand that’s gripping the steering wheel, he is the kind that drives with one hand on the wheel, the other one on the shifting gear. He makes it look so easy as he steers the wheel whenever he is turning a corner while his other one easily moves around the shifting gear, his tattoos are peeking from under his rolled up shirt sleeve. He catches you staring and you feel a blush burning on your cheeks as you turn your head to the other side. Maybe you shouldn’t have drunk that third beer…

“Am I really seen that rigid by the students?” he speaks up after a while and you turn back to face him.

“What do you mean?”

“You said I’m known about not mingling with students.”

“Well, you don’t mingle, do you? But it doesn’t mean you come off as rigid. More like… closed-off. Private.”

“I know I should be a little friendlier, but I just…”

“You don’t have to explain yourself, I think everyone gets it why you’re like that.”

“Do they?” he arches an eyebrow.

“Well, you’re obviously a ladies’ favorite, but it doesn’t sit well with you being a person of some sort of power. It’s clear that you don’t want anyone to get the wrong picture about you. I’ve seen how bluntly girls are flirting with you, some of them are quite scandalous if you ask me,” you huff to yourself. “I totally get it that you don’t want even just a rumor to spread about you.”

“Didn’t think I was that obvious,” he admits, running his tongue over his lips.

“Don’t worry about it, you’re still a highly fancied professor, in all means,” you tell him with a warm smile.

“Does this mean you also fancy me?” he suddenly questions and your lips part at his words. He quickly realizes how ambiguous he just sounded. “I mean, am I one of your favorites? Where do I stand in your chart of professors?”

You can’t tell for sure because of the lack of lighting, but you could have sworn there’s a light blush on his cheeks as he corrects himself. Because of this, you don’t know for sure if he really meant it academically. Either way, the answer is the same.

“You’re my favorite,” you confidently state and your eyes meet for a moment before he turns back to face the road.

The rest of the ride is pretty quiet, you keep giving him directions to your place until you finally arrive a little before one am.

“Well, thank you for the ride,” you smile at him, grabbing the door handle.

“See you on Monday,” he nods shortly and watches as you get out of the can.

“Yeah, see you, professor,” you smirk before shutting the door and walking up the stairs and disappearing in your building.

“Was that Professor Styles in the fucking minivan?!” Nat throws the question at you the moment you open the front door.

“Jesus, why are you still up?” you sigh, shutting the door and shimmying yourself out of your coat.

“Because we were waiting for you!” Eden rolls her eyes. “So, care to tell us what the fuck just happened?” The three of you get comfortable on the couch and you give them a quick rundown of your evening from meeting Victor through being saved by Harry right to him offering to drive you home and they listen to you with wide eyes in complete shock that you just spent your entire evening with the most handsome professor on campus who also happens to be the most private as well.

“If I didn’t see him sitting in that van with my own eyes I would straight up think you’re lying, but I saw his tattooed hand over the windshield,” Nat gasps, processing the story.

“I know, I still feel like it didn’t happen, but it did.”

“And what is he like around his friends? What are his friends like?” Eden questions, hugging her knees to her chest.

“He is pretty much just like in lecture, just jokes a little more and he has a looser vocab. His friends are hilarious, I really got along with Sarah.”

“I know you still think it won’t happen, but I actually think you have a shot at him, Y/N,” Eden points it out and you just chuckle.

“Why, because he saved me from my douche ex?”

“No, because he let you stay for the night with him and his friends. This is literally the first ever time a student hung out with him.”

“It’s not that big of a deal, Harry is a reserved and private person—“

“Harry?!” they gasp at the same time.

“You are now just casually calling him Harry?” Nat asks with ogling eyes.

“Well, yes, he asked me to, because it felt weird that I was calling him Professor Styles with his friends around.”

“Okay, I’m giving it… let’s say, he seems to be moving pretty slow, but y’all will be fucking in about six months,” Nat bluntly tells you and it makes you laugh.

“Oh, sure, whatever. I’m gonna shower and head to bed, you two don’t get too crazy with your fairytales,” you wave at them before disappearing in the bathroom.

The rest of the weekend goes by uneventfully, outside of the pathetic attempt from Victor to get you to talk to him, but you’ve had enough of him for a life so you finally block his number and hope you won’t ever see him again.

Both you and Eden oversleep on Monday morning, skipping your early morning lecture and already being late for Harry’s class as well, so you barely make it to Harry’s class in time, just sprinting up the rows, flopping down to your usual seats when Harry starts the lecture. It all goes as usual as if nothing really happened during the weekend, Harry doesn’t seem to be bothered by it at all. Glancing over at his desk you spot the book he promised you and you can’t hold your smile back. Still grinning, your eyes accidentally meet with his gaze and he stops for a heartbeat as if he is questioning why you are so smiley, but you just shake your head and he carries on before anyone could suspect a thing.

“I gotta run, my favorite TA is having his office hours now and I have a few questions for him. See you at home?” Eden asks once the lecture is over and you are getting ready to leave.

“Sure, have a good day!” you call after her and she sings a ‘you too!’ before running out of the room.

You pack up and head down between the rows, Harry spotting you right away and you go up to him without him even asking you to.

“Hey, sorry we were a little late to class this morning,” you tell him and he just shakes his head kindly.

“No worries. How… is your arm?” He furrows his eyebrows, his gaze wandering down to your forearm where Victor grabbed you on Saturday.

“Oh, it’s fine. I just have a little bruise,” you shrug, because it really isn’t that big deal, but you can tell Harry is still outraged by what happened.

“M’sorry about that.”

“It’s fine. Would be worse if you weren’t there,” you smile at him kindly and he nods to himself before turning to his desk.

“I, uhh, I brought the book we talked about,” he shyly says grabbing it from the desk. As people are exiting the room you can feel the glares on yourself, most of them are probably trying to figure out why Harry is talking to you for so long, but you don’t pay much attention to them as you take the book he hands you.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to pay for it?”

“No need, keep it, it’s yours,” he shakes his head with a small smile.

“Thank you then.” You slide the book into your bag before looking back up at him. “Well, I’ll see you on Wednesday, professor,” you smile warmly before heading out.

“See you!” he calls after you before you close the door behind you.

The week carries on as usual, you are working on papers that needs to be turned in before the fall break so you spend some extra time at the library, using every bit of free time you have so you finish everything on time.

Things go back to kind of normal with Harry, he greets you in the mornings when you walk into the lecture hall and other than the warm smile he occasionally gives you, nothing has changed.

Friday however brings a surprise, but not from Harry. You’re sitting at work in the afternoon, typing away on your computer, filling in some sheets when you get a notification on your phone from Instagram.

Sarah Jones is now following you!

You tap on her profile but see that it’s private so without a second thought you request following. Luckily, she approves you only a few seconds later and you gain access to her posts, quite a few of them featuring Harry on them.

Photos of birthdays, weekend getaways, band practices and performances, Harry makes a lot of appearances on her feed and you find yourself scrolling all the way down until you reach the first few posts from 2016. Just as you are about to leave her profile you get a message from her.

Sarah: Hey Y/N! Charlotte and I’ve been talking about you recently, loved having you with us last Saturday! Want to grab a drink with the two of us this weekend?

Y/N: Would love to, but I’m not sure Harry would like the idea…

Sarah: He won’t be there and besides, who is he to tell you who you can and can’t hang out with?

She is right. You enjoyed spending time with them as well and Harry has little to no word in if you want to meet up with his friends or not. This invitation has no connection to him being your professor.

Y/N: Alright, I’m down!

 This is how your friendship with Sarah and Charlotte starts. You meet up with them on Saturday and have an amazing time, they are definitely fun people to spend time with and though at first you feel hesitant to get closer to them, you soon forget about your doubts and just enjoy your time with them.

Your little girls night goes so well that they invite you out for dinner on Wednesday with Mitch joining the little trio. You learn that he is a quiet but hilarious guy, he and Sarah make a great couple, you think.

“We have a gig this Saturday at Green Light, want to come?” Charlotte asks at the end of the dinner.

“Okay, I really don’t think Harry would be a fan of that idea,” you point out, feeling like it’s surely over the lines. He still doesn’t know about you meeting some of his friends without him and you’re not sure how he would react if he did.

“Harry can fuck off, not everything is about him. We are inviting you as our friends, he just happens to be in the band as well,” Sarah rolls her eyes, clearly not as bothered by the situation as you are.

“I just don’t want to make him uncomfortable.”

“He is a big boy, he’ll get himself over it, don’t worry. So, are you coming?”

“I guess, alright,” you nod with a soft chuckle.

 Next week you contemplate telling Harry that Sarah invited you out for their gig, but at last you decide against it, something is telling you he would try to talk you down and now you’re pretty hyped to see them perform. So you keep quiet and just brace yourself for the worst when Saturday comes.

You don’t overdress for the occasion, decide to wear some light washed mom jeans and a simple sweater tucked into it, a casual look for a night out.

Even when you’re on your way to the place you are having second guesses whether it’s a good idea or not, but you tell yourself it’s not that big of a deal and if Harry flips, you’ll just tell him you came for Sarah and Charlotte.

As you get off the bus and walk towards the place, you immediately spot the little group of three next to Harry’s minivan, Sarah waving in your way as you become visible in the streetlights.

“There she is!” she beams happily and you just chuckle at her.

Harry is standing with his back facing your way but seeing Sarah’s reaction he turns around and you swear for a moment you think he is about to faint when he spots you.

“Hey everyone,” you smile as Sarah pulls you into a hug and Charlotte does the same.

“Hey, if it isn’t our little trouble seeker!” Adam teases you and you just roll your eyes at him before shyly glancing at Harry who is standing on your left, awfully quiet and deep in his thoughts since your arrival. He feels your eyes on him and his gaze meets yours and just by one look you can tell he is pissed.

Just as you thought.

The group chats a little longer outside before Adam suggests they head inside and get ready for their start and you are just about to follow them, but Harry keeps you back.

“Y/N, can we have a word?”

Staying back you nod, hiding your hands in your coat’s pockets as you look at him, lips curled into your mouth.

“What are you doing here?” he questions, eyebrows knitted together and he looks so damn intimidating, the neon lights from the front of the building tinting part of his face green, but you think red would suit him better with this look.

“I… came to see the band playing, what do you mean?”

“Is this your sneaky way of trying to come after me? Because I thought we had a very clear discussion about my thoughts regarding situations like this and you seemed to understand it.”

He comes off way angrier than you think he should be. Yes, it might be uncomfortable for him to see you here, but the tone he just hit is way too harsh for your liking and professor or not, you are not letting anyone talk to you like that when it’s completely not relevant.

“Okay, calm down. First of all, I was invited here.”

“By who?” he spats.

“Sarah and Charlotte, we met last weekend and had dinner this week as well. Had a great time and they asked me to come tonight as well, so get off of your high horse, I’m not here for you.” You can see the change on his face as the information sinks in and he realizes he accused you wrongly, but you’re not quite done with him. “But if I was here to see you, why does that bother you so much? You can’t avoid meeting students every minute when you’re off-campus. If I came here because of you, it shouldn’t affect you this much if you weren’t worried about something else than me just being here,” you point out and he furrows his eyebrows at you. “If I didn’t know better I would think you’re afraid to be around me because you actually like me, huh!” you tell him with an innocent yet suggesting look. His eyes widen and the confidence in himself quickly vanishes from him, replaced by anxiety and nervous looks as he realizes the meaning behind your words.

“I-I, that’s not—I’m not—“

“Take a breath before you pass out, Harry,” you sigh, dropping the hard act. “I didn’t come here for you and if you want to know I actually thought a lot about canceling because of you. But I genuinely like spending time with Sarah and Charlotte so I’m here as their friend.”

Harry stares back at you, completely defeated, regret filling his green eyes. You feel a little guilty for snapping so hard at him, after all you do understand his point of view, but you genuinely don’t think it’s as big of a deal as he makes it to be.

“I-I’m…”

“It’s fine, okay? Let’s just… move past it, alright?” you suggest and he nods as the two of you head inside, joining the rest of the group.

You stay behind while they are waiting for their time to perform, keeping some distance from Harry so he can’t accuse you again, but you occasionally look his way, catching him already looking at you, but you just can’t tell what could be possibly going on in his head. When it’s time for them to go on stage, you go out to the actual bar area and sit by the counter, not too much at the front but close enough to see everything that happens on the stage.

When they start playing you can’t take your eyes off Harry. His energy behind the microphone just knocks you off the stool and you watch him completely mesmerized as if he has put a spell on you. It feels like he turns into an entirely different person on stage, nothing like the man you see at lectures every Monday and Wednesday. He sings perfectly on key, putting some extra charm into the songs with his little additional tunes whenever he is not singing a line.

But what makes it absolutely impossible to look away from him is because he keeps staring at you, eyes locking with yours for way too long every time he catches your gaze. You try to ignore it, but it’s quite hard when his eyes are basically burning into you, it leaves you breathless.

Once the concert is over you order yourself two tequila shots quickly, because something is telling you that you’ll need the boosting if you want to face Harry after his little performance.

But for your surprise, when you join the band again and get near him, nothing really happens. It seems like Harry has come to peace with your presence in his little group of friends and he actually treats you like you’re part of the circle.

The six of you occupy a table at the back of the bar to spend there the rest of the evening and it’s all good, it seems. A harmless night out with a bunch of friends, nothing extra. Harry actually strikes up conversations with you involved and you feel like you’ve overcome a banter finally.

“Do you need a ride home?” Harry asks at the end of the night when everyone is about to head home.

“Only if it’s fine by you.”

“Wouldn’t offer it if it wasn’t,” he smiles shortly before the two of you say goodbye to the rest of the group and head to his van that was previously loaded with their stuff.

The ride back to your place is now much shorter, it takes less than ten minutes to arrive and you are just about to say goodbye when he speaks up.

“I want to apologize for the way I reacted to your arrival earlier tonight. It was… unnecessary.”

“It’s fine, I’m sorry for what I said after that too.”

“You shouldn’t be,” he shakes his head, staring down at his hands in his lap.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that you shouldn’t be sorry for saying something that’s true.”

It feels like all air is knocked out of you as his words process and you stare at him with parted lips and raised eyebrows. When he finally looks up at you, he looks so lost and tortured, you feel the urge to hug him, but you stay still as he continues talking.

“I got mad because I do like you and seeing you outside of school is very… confusing for me. And this is why I’m gonna be very straightforward with you now. I can tell Sarah and Charlotte like you a lot and they are stubborn, they won’t see the situation from my point of view and I’m no one to tell you if you can hang out with us or not. But what I can most certainly tell you is that nothing will happen between us. I’m very serious about this, Y/N. You are very much welcomed to spend more time with us, but I want you to know that it won’t go further than this.”

For a couple of moments you’re only able to stare back at him, blinking completely frozen at his sudden confession. You could tell tonight has been a turning point of some kind, but you were not expecting this speech from him at all and now you are at a complete loss of words. It takes some time before you actually find your voice.

“Okay,” is all you can breathe out, nothing more, but it’s pretty much all you have to tell him. You won’t go against his will and force him to do something he doesn’t want. He deserves the respect.

He nods shortly, seemingly still very torn about the situation and you figure it’s better if you just leave now.

“Thank you for the ride,” you quietly tell him opening the door. “Good night.”

“Good night, Y/N,” you hear him before you shut the door and walk into your building, feeling like you’ve been just hit by a pile of bricks.

Unlike the last time when Harry brought you home, Nat and Eden are not waiting for you in the living room. Nat is probably already asleep and Eden went out for a date earlier and she hasn’t been back. You don’t bother to turn the lights on as you walk inside, just kick your boots off and hang your coat before collapsing onto the couch, just staring into the darkness, Harry’s words repeating in your head again and again.

“… I do like you and seeing you outside of school is very confusing for me.”

“… nothing will happen between us. I’m very serious about this, Y/N.”

“… but I want you to know that it won’t go further than this.”

Harry, your professor, The Harry Styles admitted that he likes you but also told you pretty forward that nothing is ever going to happen between the two of you. It still feels like a fever dream and you’re not sure how you are feeling about it just yet. Hanging out with him was already quite overwhelming, but you were not expecting this confession from him at all.

What are you supposed to do with this information? If he is so set on not taking any further steps, why did he even share it with you? He could have just easily keep his thoughts and feelings to himself and get away with it without you ever figuring it out. It doesn’t make sense.

For the first time in your life, something Harry Styles said doesn’t make sense. That’s new.

Following Harry’s confession you truly have no idea what to do, so you just go with the flow. He seemingly stays the same when it comes to you, friendly, but still keeping his distance. Nothing changes in the lecture hall, he just occasionally asks if you’re alright and you are guessing he only wants to know if you are having any trouble with Victor, but you haven’t even heard from him since you’ve blocked his number and you hope it’s going to stay like that.

You meet up with him and the band a few times outside of school and it’s not necessarily awkward, but you can tell he is keeping his distance from you, he never sits next to you or has one-on-one conversations with you, only if it’s necessary. The only time he dares to be alone with you is when he sometimes offers you to drive you home. You usually say no at first, but he insists, so you end up sitting in silence in the car until you arrive home, say goodbye and end of story.

No one in school even suspects that you’ve made your way into Harry’s group of friends, only Nat and Eden knows about it but they swore to keep it a secret, but you didn’t tell them about Harry’s confession. Whatever it is that’s happening between you and Harry, you would never put him into a situation he is trying to avoid so badly. You sit in his classes like everyone else, but while all the other girls are drooling over him, trying to get just slightly closer to him in any way possible, you sit in silence and think about the precious times when you get to see him outside of school.

Even with him being so distant towards you, you can’t help but slowly start falling for him. He doesn’t have to talk to you or be direct to you, it’s enough that you see him as himself, you see him with his friends, how he acts whenever he is not teaching, standing on the podium. And he is an amazing person, there’s no doubt about that.

The semester is gradually moving forward, once you get back from fall break, you basically move into the library, studying for your exams and finishing up all your papers. December arrives pretty fast and before you realize, the whole town is decorated with lights and Christmas trees everywhere, the shops are trying to lure customers in with all the sales and the Christmas shopping officially starts.

One weekend, when there’s only two weeks left of school before everyone heads home for the holidays, you and Nat go for a shopping trip, trying to buy every gift in time so you don’t have to worry about that at least last minute.

Wandering around the mall you naturally take a trip to the bookstore, always ready to buy something new to read. Nat dives into the cooking books wanting to get one for her mother while you’re just aimlessly looking through the shelves. As your eyes are running through the titles in the psychology department, you stop at one particular book, pulling it off the shelf as you can’t help but smile to yourself.

The secrets of Classical Conditioning.

You flip through the pages and though it doesn’t seem to be a groundbreaking work, it’s just explaining Pavlov’s experiment and further uses of it, you still decide to buy it.

That evening you sit at your desk, the book open in front of you, a pen next to it as you try to think of something to write into it. At first you just wanted to give it to Harry as it is, but you figured it would be a nice gesture to write a few words into it he could always read when he opens the book. After some consideration, you finally grab the pen and start writing.

-

Dear Harry,

I will always think of you whenever I hear of Mr. Ivan Petrovics Pavlov or Classical Conditioning. Thank you for another amazing semester and I’m happy I got to see you without standing on a podium. You are an amazing man, never change.

Happy holidays,

Y/N

-

Last week of school, you go to the Wednesday lecture, the last one of the semester with the book sitting in your bag. All through the 90 minutes class as Harry is having an open discussion about the lecture with the students, you keep debating whether you should give him the book or not. When the lecture is over and Harry wishes everyone happy holidays, you grab it from your bag and holding it to your chest you wait until there’s only a few people in the room. Eden has already left to hand in a paper so you walk down the rows on your own, eyes on the man behind his desk who is now packing up his papers and notes, getting ready to leave.

“Harry?” you faintly speak his name, grabbing his attention as he looks up at you from behind the desk. You glance down at the book in your hands and before you could change your mind, you place it down in front of him. “This is… for you.”

His gaze wanders down to the book, then back at you as he stares at you in awe, obviously surprised by the gesture.

“What’s this for?”

“Christmas gift?” you answer unsurely with a nervous chuckle. “I just saw it at the store and… thought of you.”

“Y/N, I can’t—“

“Yes you can and you will,” you roll your eyes at him, tired of hearing all these negations from him. He can’t, he won’t, he shouldn’t… for once, he definitely will if it’s on you. “Take it as my payment for the book you gave me.”

His eyes soften at you before he looks down at the book again, reading the title before he chuckles to himself.

“Thank you, Y/N,” he then finally says, accepting that you won’t let him return the gift under any circumstances.

“Have a nice Christmas, Harry,” you smile at him shyly, hands holding onto the strap of your bag as you start walking away.

“You too,” he faintly says and turning around you start walking, but then he stops you. “Y/N, wait!”

You stop in your track and face him curiously. He seems hesitant, stepping away from the desk, walking closer to you but still keeping some distance between the two of you.

“Do you… have plans for New Year’s Eve?”

“I, uhh—No, not yet.”

“If you happen to be back in town by then… Sarah is having this little get together. I have a feeling she already invited you, but if you said no because of me, I want you to know that it’s fine by me. Would be nice if you could come.”

He is right, Sarah did invite you over, but you kindly declined thinking Harry wouldn’t appreciate if you spent it with them. You wanted to give him a breather, have a night with his friends without having to avoid you all the time, but it seems like the situation has changed for him.

“You don’t have to invite me just because I gave you a gift, Harry.”

“It’s not about that,” he shakes his head softly. “I can tell you are getting along well with Sarah and all the others. I want you to know that I would never stand in the way and you are very much welcomed at any and all events.”

He seems and sounds genuine, you don’t see any sign of him just saying it because Sarah asked him to or something. No, this definitely came from him.

“Okay, I’ll… think about it,” you tell him with a warm smile. “See you around,” you wave at him before walking out of the room.

You don’t get to see his reaction to the words you wrote into the book and for a while, you’re not even sure he saw it. Maybe he took it home and put it on his shelf without even having a look into it, but two days later, when you’re already packing, getting ready to go home for Christmas, you get a notification that at first confuses you.

Breakfast is now following you!

You open Instagram with furrowed eyebrows as you go to the profile that just followed you. It’s a small account and private, of course and you almost close it thinking it’s just someone random when you see that it’s followed by both Sarah and Charlotte.

Could this be Harry’s profile?

The username is colazione8, it doesn’t give away much but now that you are thinking about it, it’s perfect if he wanted to stay unnoticed by his students that surely can use Instagram way better than him.

You tap on the follow request button and anxiously wait for an approval, hoping that the person behind the account is still online. You wait and wait, slowly losing hope but then the notification finally arrives. Your request has been approved.

You tap on the profile vigorously and three pictures appear in front of you. One is a picture of some random building, the first ever posted is a plate of nicely served breakfast of some sort and then there’s one that features the person you were desperately hoping to see.

It’s a picture of Harry sitting at a big dining table, a glass of wine in front of him as he is squinting his eyes towards the camera. You zoom into the picture just to make sure it’s him, but his features are clearer than daylight, it really is Harry that just followed you.

You’re still stalking his very private and not too eventful profile when you get a message from him, making your heart skip a beat.

Harry: Hey! Just wanted to thank you again for the gift, it’s really thoughtful. Read what you wrote in it… thank you, Y/N.

Y/N: I meant every word. Thank you for everything you did this semester!

It takes a few minutes for a response to arrive from him.

Harry: Are you already on your way home?

Y/N: Not yet, leaving tomorrow morning.

Harry: If I drop by your place in 20, can you come down for a sec?

Y/N: Sure!

Though your response seemed totally cool, you started panicking right away. What does this mean? Why is he coming here? Are you in trouble? You couldn’t be, you didn’t do anything wrong.

You quickly change out of your worn-out sweats and stained shirt, putting on a pair of jeans and a black hoodie, not wanting to see him looking like a total wreck. You sit on your bed, anxiously checking your phone every ten seconds to see if he has messaged you and those twenty minutes never seem to pass.

Then your phone finally chimes again.

Harry: I’m here.

Y/N: Be there in a sec.

You jump into a pair of trainers and grabbing your keys from the little sidetable you have in the hallway you storm out of the apartment, running down the stairs. As you walk out you stop in your track for a second, for some reason you were expecting the minivan, but this time, it’s a black Range Rover that’s parked in front of your building and Harry emerges from it the moment you step outside.

“Hey!” he smiles at you, shutting the door before he jogs around and you notice the little gift bag in his hands.

“Harry, is this what I think it is? Because you shouldn’t have, really,” you tell him right away as he stands in front of you, glancing down at the little bag in his hands.

“What? So you are allowed to give me a gift, but I’m not allowed to do the same?” he asks with a cheeky smile.

“But you already gave me one!”

“That wasn’t a real gift, so no,” he shakes his head, too stubborn to let it go. So instead, he nervously glances down at the little bag before handing it to you. “Here. Happy Christmas. But you can only open it when I’m gone, alright?”

“Why?”

“Just… please,” he breathes out and you not, keeping your curious hands to yourself.

“Alright. Well, thank you, Harry.”

“Sure. Um, have a great winter break and… I’ll see you around,” he smiles, walking around the car back to the side of the driving seat.

“You too, Harry. See you!”

You see him drive away as you walk back into the building, basically running up the stairs to your apartment, dying to see what’s in the little bag. Once you are locked in the safe haven of your room, you throw yourself to the bed and reach into the bag, finding a small box. One that’s usually used for jewelry. You pull it out with shaky fingers and take a deep breath before opening it.

Inside sits the cutest little silver ring you’ve literally ever seen. It’s thin and very detailed, tiny little strawberries lining next to each other and that’s the whole ring. Just the little strawberries, but it’s still the cutest you’ve ever seen. You put it on and it fits perfectly on your ring finger, holding up your hand you take a good look at how it sits on your finger. You’re in love with it.

Rolling to your back on the bed you stare up at the ceiling with a heavy heart aching for a man you know will never be yours, but you just can’t help it. The heart wants what it wants, right?

Reaching for your phone you type him a quick message

Y/N: Harry, thank you so much! It’s beautiful! But you shouldn’t have bought me anything!

Harry: I’m glad you like it :)

Y/N: I love it.

He doesn’t respond, just likes your message.

Christmas is always the same, especially because your family just never had those juicy dramas that could ruin any family events. Holidays have always been quiet and loving, pretty predictable. It’s good to be home again and spend quality time with your loved one, though your mind keeps wandering to a particular someone.

Sarah mentioned that Harry has traveled home to his mom and sister and from time to time you catch yourself thinking about what he could be possibly doing at the moment.

The only interaction between the two of you is when you post a photo with your sister and brother at Christmas dinner and he likes the photo, but nothing more. He doesn’t post or add to his story so you are left with your own elaborate fantasies of what he could possiblybe doing at home.

Sarah convinces you to spend the New Year’s Eve at hers and you are accepting the invitation a lot easier now that Harry has told you he is fine with you joining.

Just one day before the 31st you get back to your apartment and spend the second to last night of the year spiraling about the whole situation with Harry. Where are you two standing as of right now? Was his gift a gesture with a deeper meaning behind it?

You can’t step over the fact that you are not his student anymore. He has officially graded you and you’ve received your credits for his class, the ties are off, but he situation might still be risky and you doubt Harry is willing to change his mind about what he told you earlier. He made it clear that nothing will ever happen between the two of you, however you can’t help but feel a little hopeful that the new semester might bring a change into that.

After two hours spent in front of your closet and at least three mental breakdowns you finally decide to wear a black turtleneck dress which is just the perfect mixture of modest and sexy at the same time. You feel anxious to see Harry again, not sure how to act around him following your little gift exchange. There’s a chance he’ll just shut himself off once again and avoid you all night, you can’t tell.

Sarah’s place is already buzzing by the time you arrive, several guests are lounging in the living room and kitchen, some soft music is playing and it appears that everyone is enjoying the evening so far, judging from the laughter you hear from time to time.

“I’m so glad you came!” Sarah envelopes in a tight hug when you arrive.

“Thank you for inviting me. Here, brought some snacks,” you hand her the grocery bag you picked up on your way, not wanting to arrive empty-handed.

“Oh, you are an angel, some on in, make yourself home, take whatever you want to eat or drink!” she gestures around before bringing the bag into the kitchen.

The cozy home is already filled with a lot of people you don’t know, but you also spot Charlotte and Mitch right away so you take the safe spot in their little circle. You try your best to stay present in the conversation but you keep glancing around, looking for one particular person.

And then you finally see him. Harry emerges from the little hallway that leads to the bedroom and bathroom with Adam, seemingly deep in conversation as he nurses a beer in his hand. His checkered slacks and vintage printed t-shirt makes him appear so casual, if you didn’t know him you wouldn’t even guess that he is actually a professor.

Harry laughs at something Adam just told him and his eyes glide around the room until they find you standing near the kitchen. He stops in his track, gaze running down your figure before it returns to your eyes and he seems to be in awe, like he doesn’t entirely believe it’s you he is seeing even though he knew you’d be coming. There’s nothing you want more than to run across the room and throw yourself into his arms. You spent way too much time thinking about him during Christmas and seeing him in the flesh now is a mixture of feelings you can’t really describe just now.

Neither of you leaves the conversation you are in the middle, but you keep glancing towards each other. You’re nervously moving the strawberry ring around your finger, feeling his burning gaze on your figure all the time. You haven’t taken it down since he has given it to you, it partially made it harder for you to stop thinking about him, because the jewelry was quite a loud reminder every time you glanced down at your hands.

Two drinks later your sister calls you, as always she wants to say happy new year before the lines get hectic at midnight, so you move out to the small balcony facing the street as you talk to your sister. The spicy night air feels amazing on your heated up skin, the turtleneck dress was a good choice, but it’s definitely getting hotter with each drink, especially with Harry’s lingering eyes as well. When you end the call you decide to stay outside a little longer, take a few moments to yourself.

You jump a little when you hear the sliding door open and you’re surprised to see Harry walk out.

“Hey, thought you might need this,” he smiles softly, holding a blanket in his hands.

“Oh, thank you,” you mumble and let him wrap it around your shoulders. It provides just enough heat that your lips are not shaking anymore from the cold.

“What are you doing out here alone? Not enjoying the evening?”

“I am, I was just on the phone with my sister.”

“She’s older than you, right?” he asks and you tilt your head a little looking at him.

“How do you know that?”

“I, uhh… You have a lot of pictures with her on your Instagram,” he admits with a nervous chuckle.

“Have you been stalking my profile?” you tease him, but he clearly takes it way more serious than you intended it to be.

“No, I swear it’s not like that, I just—“ he stammers but you cut him off placing a hand on his arms that are crossed over his chest.

“Harry, I was just teasing you. It’s fine,” you assure him, giving him a gentle squeeze before you are about to pull your hand back, but his hold stops you. He takes your hand in his, gently bringing it closer to his face as he examines the ring sitting on your finger.

“You’re wearing it,” he breathes out, a small cloud emitting from his pink lips as his thumb softly runs over the ring.

“Of course. I told you I love it.”

You can’t ignore the shiver that runs down your spine at the feeling of his warm palm against yours, his thumb delicately running over not just the ring, but down your finger as well before he lets go of your hand. You already miss his touch.

“So, how was Christmas?” he asks clearing his throat.

“Good, nothing extra. What about yours?”

“Same, went home to the family.”

“Do you often visit them?”

“Not as often as I would want to, but I’m trying to go every couple of months.” Harry turns towards the street, eyes running along the not too busy road that stretches past Sarah’s building. His hand comes up to the railing, fingers slightly drumming on it. “How come you didn’t bring anyone tonight?”

“Well, my roommates are still home and I also didn’t think you’d like the idea to have another student of yours around.”

“Right, yeah,” he nods, but you can tell something else is still on his mind. “So… no boyfriend to bring?”

You give him a puzzled look. Is this his way of asking if you are seeing anyone at the moment? Because if it is, it’s kind of ridiculous.

“No, not really. I guess you can say I’m not looking for one actively.”

“How come?” he asks with raised eyebrows, his body turning towards you as he leans against the railing. You give him a ‘really?’ look. You think about getting a little sassy and teasing with him, but then decide to just be straightforward instead.

“Because I’m kind of into my Methodology of Cultural Anthropology professor.”

Harry’s lips part as his eyes pierce into yours and for a moment you really think that he is about to flip, tell me how dare you say such thing to him and curse you out, but a second passes and his gaze softens as he lets out a shaky breath.

“Y/N…”

“What? I just answered your question,” you innocently shrug, looking away from him. Despite this long and weird game the two of have been playing these past months, this is the first time you openly admitted that you have a thing for him.

“You know how complicated it is and I told you that nothing can happen.” He shakes his head in defeat, a hint of disappointment in his tone, but it just grinds your gears.

“What, so you can ask about my dating life but I can’t say that I’m into you? How is that fair?”

“That’s not the same.”

“Well I think it is. Both are highly inappropriate to bring up in our situation, don’t you think? Yet you’re trying to put all the blame on me.”

“Alright, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked. Let’s just… forget about it. I really don’t want to fight with you.”

“Because you’re afraid I might actually win?” you sassily reply, crossing your arms on your chest.

“I’m just trying to do the right thing, okay? Would you… let me?”

“If you haven’t realized it yet, I’m trying really hard to stay in my lane, but you’re not making it any easier.”

“I’m trying too, okay?” he growls, clearly losing his calmness at this point. “I’m really fucking trying, Y/N, but it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do!”

“You’re the one making it hard!”

“It’s not my fucking fault I can’t stop thinking about you!”

“Well it’s not my fault either!” you snap at him, both of you raising your voice, the rest of the party oblivious about the screaming match the two of you are having on the balcony. “If you’re so set on not letting anything happen, why do you come to me and act the opposite?”

“The opposite?!”

“Yes! It’s not quite appropriate to gift your student with a ring or ask them about their dating life. Or is it all new information to you?”

“You started with the gifting!”

“So what? You could have just left it there, but you didn’t. It’s not that it didn’t make me happy, but don’t try to put all the blame on me for saying something when you’re already crossing the lines.”

Harry stares at you with a hard look and you’d pay great amounts to actually read his thoughts at this moment. His jaw clenches as he exhales sharply, eyes turning away from you, as if he couldn’t even bear to look at you.

“Make up your fucking mind,” you growl under your breath as you push your way past him and walk inside before he could get a word out.

For a well-respected, educated and smart man, Harry can act pretty fucking stupid, you think. He is not being fair and you will not apologize for anything you’ve said. If he doesn’t want anything to do with you, he needs to stay in his lane and not dance on the line, poking the sleeping lion. He doesn’t get to fuck around and then put all the blame on you, that’s just not how it works and he needs to learn that.

In the last hour that’s left until midnight you mingle with the guests and try to keep your thoughts of Harry at bay, though it’s quite the challenge since he lingers around you, keeping his eyes on you all the time, as if he is trying to piss you off or something, but you’re determined to be a mature adult and keep your composure.

You’re getting tired of this game and you’re not sure anymore if you are willing to wait around until Harry makes his mind up. Not when he doesn’t keep his own rules at least.

“Come on,” you mumble to yourself as you’re trying to open up a new bottle of wine, but the screw just wouldn’t move, no matter what you do. A hand reaches forward and wraps around the neck of the bottle, interrupting your pathetic misery.

“Let me help you.”

You let Harry take the bottle, biting into your bottom lip as you turn around and watch him easily open the bottle you’ve been fighting with the past ten minutes, he grabs your empty glass from the counter and fills it.

“Thank you,” you mumble when he hands it back and you take a sip right away. He places the bottle to the counter, fingers strumming on the surface before he takes a deep breath and speaks up.

“Y/N, I’m sorry.”

“For what exactly?”

“For the way I acted. You were totally right, I called you out for things that I did myself too, that was unfair of me.” He clears his throat, leaning against the counter with his back side as he crosses his arms on his chest. It brings out how toned his arms really are and you give yourself half a second to drool over that before you take another sip from your drink, forcing yourself to keep your thoughts under control.

“Thanks for acknowledging it,” you mumble, not sure what to say exactly. The two of you stand like that in silence, eyes roaming the guests, something clearly weighing down on both of you, but it’s hard to name and address it.

You can tell he is overthinking, the gears are almost visible, turning in that smart head of his, but you don’t want him to go into depths he shouldn’t. He really is making a bigger deal out of the situation that it already is, but it’s going to wreck him.

“Okay, I want to know, what was the worst way someone tried to flirt with you?”

Harry turns to you with a puzzled look, but you just sip on your wine, waiting for his answer.

“Um, I don’t… really keep track of it.”

“Oh come on,” you give him a look. “I know you have a story. I wanna hear it!”

Your eyes meet and he is searching in yours, trying to figure out what’s the sudden change in your mood when an hour ago you were ready to throw him off the balcony. Truth is you are just frustrated, because the situation feels so impossible. You never had to deal with such an amazing man, knowing he is into you as well, but you just can’t have him. The struggle is hard for the both of you but you can’t blame him entirely. Hating on him because he is not willing to take a risk that could easily ruin his entire life but at least his academic career is just not fair and you won’t put him through that.

Harry sees where you’re coming from and he shoots you a thankful smile before it turns into a smirk as he looks down at his hands.

“Professor Davids from the department of linguistics asked me to be her date for her ex-husband’s wedding.”

“What?” you gasp with wide eyes. “For real?”

“Yeah,” he chuckles. “She started swinging by my office all the time, trying to chat me up and then one day she asked if I wanted to go with her, that we would be staying at this nice hotel and all… she really thought it was a good idea.”

“That’s very awkward,” you laugh, entertained by the thought that Professor Davids would go so low when it came to dating. “I assume, you declined the invitation.”

“Faster than ever,” he chuckles making you laugh even louder. “Okay, your turn.”

“What?”

“I told you an awkward story, now it’s your turn.”

“Um, the worst was probably a promposal I got.”

“A promposal?” he asks with a puzzled look, his forehead creasing as he pulls his eyebrows together.

“Yeah, when they ask you out to go to prom.” “Oh, yeah. Didn’t know it had a specific name.”

“Because you are way too British,” you tease him and he just gives you a narrow-eyed look, but you can see the smirk hiding on his lips. “Well, anyway, I was dating a guy senior year, but this other one was convinced he could win me over and take me to prom. He brought a fucking mariachi band to school and gave me a serenade in the middle of the hallway while my boyfriend was standing next to me. He asked me to prom so confidently at the end of the song, like he actually had a shot but it was so painfully awkward,” you laugh at the memory shaking your head and Harry joins, finding it quite entertaining.

“He really did that to himself.”

“He did, I felt bad a little, but what was I supposed to do?”

You slip into telling more and more awkward stories, staying in the kitchen you create a little bubble, the rest of the guests don’t seem to exist as you enjoy yourself with Harry. This is the most carefree and loosest you’ve ever seen him around you and you quite like this version of him. So easy to talk to and even funnier than his usual self.

A little before midnight Sarah runs around with champagne, filling everyone’s glass, getting ready for the countdown. You and Harry join Charlotte, Adam and his wife in the corner of the living room as everyone is slowly getting excited for the last moments of the year.

Looking around you see a lot of couples, holding hands, hugging, clearly planning to snog the moment the clock hits midnight and when you glance at Harry on your right you’re convinced he is thinking about the same thing.

You’re not naïve, you don’t think he is going to kiss you, but you still allow yourself to play with the thought just a little. He is standing so close to you, just the tiniest move and you’d be touching him, skin to skin again, feel him under your—

The thought is abruptly interrupted when you feel his warm palm wrap around your hand, your whole body freezing and for a split second you think it’s just an accident, that his touch will disappear before you could even blink, but it stays there. Harry maneuvers his fingers until they are laced together with yours and he keeps a firm hold of your hand, hanging between the two of you, staying hidden because you’re standing close to each other. Your breath catches in your throat and you’re afraid if you dare to move he’ll let go of your hand.

Another version of yourself would laugh hysterically at how worked up you are right now just because he is holding your hand, but the you that’s actually in the moment is about to burst just by this small touch. You have absolutely no idea what it means or why he chose to do it, but you don’t really care about it. You just want to absorb all the heat you feel coming from him where his palm meets yours, fingers braided together tightly, as if he is trying to keep you next to him, like he thinks you are about to disappear and it’s way of anchoring you to him, but truth is you don’t want to go anywhere.

“One minute, everyone!” Sarah sings in excitement as she turns on the TV and puts a huge clock on the screen that’s counting the seconds as well. You shyly glance to the side, finding Harry standing motionless next to you and when he notices you looking, his eyes meet yours. He looks terrified, like a lost little boy and you can’t tell if he is afraid of your reaction or because of what his actions might bring on him. But you want him to know that you are completely okay with where it’s heading.

“Ten! Nine! Eight!” The countdown begins and you inch closer to Harry so you’re pressed against his side, his body heat radiating into your skin even through the layers of clothes you two are wearing.

Harry leans down the moment you lift your head, his face is so close, it wouldn’t take much for you to finally kiss him, do the one thing you haven’t stopped thinking about for months.

“Y/N…” he breathes out and it’s a tortured plea, he is begging you to stop him from doing something he might regret, but you are dying for him to finally sin. You want him to give it up already, you have absolutely no desire to be the burden that keeps him in his lane. You need him to cross the line and stay there.

“I’m not stopping you, Harry,” you tell him quietly, the urge to close the distance between the two of you is burning inside you.

“Seven! Six! Five!” the countdown continues, but it all tones out, you can only see, hear and feel Harry.

“We can’t,” he whines, closing his eyes as he exhales shakily.

“We can, we just shouldn’t,” you correct him, his eyes snap open and meet yours again. You can tell he is so close to finally giving in and let his feelings and desires take control and you will not try to stop him.

His face inches the tiniest bit closer and his forehead is almost touching yours now, you can see every curly eyelash that frames his gorgeous green eyes that are now filled with fear and nerves.

“Four! Three! Two! One! Happy New Year!” Everyone screams together as the clock finally hits midnight while you just stare at Harry holding your breath, praying that he is finally ballsy enough to take this step.

“Harry, please,” you beg, not too proud of it, but you just can’t take it any longer. His hand is gripping yours tightly as he closes his eyes again and for a second you think that it’s gonna happen. He is going to give up the act and finally kiss you.

But right when the moment is burning the most… he pulls back and your heart sinks.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, his hand lets go of yours and it feels like your arm is ripped off, tears are welling in your eyes.

“Yeah, me too,” you mumble under your breath, chugging down the champagne before making your way through the living room, determined to leave as soon as possible.

“Y/N, wait, where are you going?” you hear him calling after you, but you don’t stop. You get rid of the empty champagne glass and grab your coat from the rack, storming out of the apartment as if you had somewhere to be.

Tears are streaming down your cheeks as you run down the stairs, almost tripping over your own feet. You hear the other pair of feet running behind you and Harry calling after you, but it’s not stopping you.

You push the front door of the building open, but it’s heavy, so it slows you down just enough that Harry can grab your wrist when you are about to start running down the street.

“Y/N, don’t go, let me explain!”

“No!” you snap at him. “I don’t fucking want to hear your explanation! I’m done, Harry! I’m fucking done! I was trying to be patient and respectful, I didn’t want to make it worse for you and let you do your thing, but you kept dancing back and forth and I can’t keep doing this, so I guess I’m sorry too.”

You’re choking on your own words that echo from the walls, the street is almost entirely empty, the world is still celebrating the new year while you’re at your breaking point. Harry stands in front of you, defeated and panic all over his face as he listens to you.

“I will not sit around and let you play your little games any longer, because you can’t make up your mind whether you want me or not.”

“Y/N I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life!” he snaps, throwing his hands into the air. “That’s the problem! This shouldn’t be happening, but I can’t fucking stop thinking about you, I can’t stop wanting you!”

“Then do something about it!” you beg through your tears.

“I can’t!”

“Yes you can!” you scream at him. “You can but you probably just don’t want me enough to actually do it! And it’s fine, but—“

You don’t get to finish your rant because Harry firmly grabs your arm, yanks you towards him and with one swift movement, his lips are crashing against yours.

It all happens so fast but your body reacts before your mind could process what’s really happening, fists bunching a handful of his sweater as you pull him against you, his hands flying up to your face, cupping them confidently as he kisses you hard and demandingly.

It’s like a fucking dam that’s been broken, everything you both kept bottled up and under control just breaks loose and it’s a kind of a wild fight for trying to devour each other now that all lines has been crossed an blurred into nothingness.

He is the dominant one, but you do some pushing and pulling on your own as well. You’re forced to take a few steps backwards, back arching at how forcefully he is pushing forward, lips smacking against each other over and over again, his tongue meeting yours, swirling and dancing around with yours, a shameless moan escaping your mouth.

His hands roam down your sides and you jumps when they reach the back of your thighs, legs wrapping around his waist. He keeps you up easily, fingers digging into your flesh where your butt meets your thighs and this angle allows you to be completely pressed up against him and feel every single inch of his body that burns for you.

It’s beyond anything you’ve ever imagined, you’re not sure it’s because of the build-up that led to this point or simply the chemistry you two got, but it blows your mind, making you question how you could go this long without ever kissing him.

“Harry, I want you,” you moan when his lips move down to your jawline, kissing and biting on the soft skin, tasting you wherever he can reach.

“I want you too, Y/N,” he breathes out resting his forehead against yours before kissing you again.

“Take me home then.”

“Are you sure?” he pants as you run your fingers through his hair and tug on his gently, earning a whimper from his perfectly pink and swollen lips. You love this satisfied dew on his face, especially because you know it’s because of you.

“Never been more sure about anything in my life.”

You unwrap your legs from around his waist and return to the ground, but not without him leaning down to kiss you once more before he grabs your hand and starts pulling you down the street. You spot his Rover right away and start sprinting, Harry following you right behind with a carefree laugh.

Settled in your seats he starts driving, but you can’t keep yourself away from him. His hand that’s not on the steering wheel is gripping your thigh as you lean over the console and start kissing his cheek, jawline and the corner of his mouth as one of your hands runs down his chest until it reaches his pants.

“Love, if you move further down we’re gonna crash,” he warns you with a shaky breath. “I drank a little too and I’m already fucking gone from kissing you, if you touch me I’m gonna lose it.”

You giggle, pressing one last kiss to his lips before sitting back in your seat. You need every bit of your patience and self-control to stay modest on the way back to his place. Hands gripping his you bring it up to your lips, kissing his knuckles gently as he speeds down the empty streets. It’s still barely over midnight, everyone is still celebrating, oblivious to how important this moment is to the two of you.

You really thought this would be the end. When he pulled away at midnight all hope was lost for you and it broke your heart to know that he will never choose you over his better judgment.

It’s your first time at Harry’s but you don’t really care to look around as the two of you make your way inside the townhouse, lips already melted together as you stumble through the dark hallway, not wanting to let go of each other. You successfully make it into his bedroom and Harry turns on the bedside lamp while you’re already eagerly getting rid of your coat and shoes. He does the same, clothes start to litter the hardwood flooring hastily, but neither of you is thinking about them. Harry scoops you into his arms once again, kissing your lips passionately as he bunches your dress up at your hips until he can finally grip the end of it and pull it over your head.

“Oh shit!” you giggle, the turtleneck getting stuck on your head for a moment before you’re free from it.

“That big head of yours,” he chuckles kissing your forehead.

“Shut up,” you smack his chest gently, pushing him down to the bed so you can straddle him, knees on his sides as you sit on his lap, lips meeting again.

He throws his hands up when you start pulling his t-shirt up and once the fabric is off of his body, his arms wrap around you, pulling you close to his chest. Your skin meets his and it feels heavenly, only little clothing separating the two of you at this point.

Harry scoots backwards and then throws you to the mattress, getting on top of you without your lips ever parting. His hips are pushed against yours and you can feel everything through the thin material of his slacks. Without even knowing you grind your hips, your core meeting his erection in the movement and he moans uncontrollably at the sensation.

“Fuck, Y/N,” he breathes against your lips and you can’t push your smirk down at his reaction.

“Yeah, fuck me, Harry,” you tease him before your lips get occupied once again.

His hands work fast. He unclasps your bra without you even noticing, the straps falling from your shoulders before he gets rid of it, throwing it across the room as if it did something against him. When his hungry eyes fall down on your naked chest you see the same kind of torture in his eyes that was there when he was fighting with himself before.

“Harry, stop thinking,” you tell him, fingers massaging his scalp as you lace them through his hair. “It’s fine, we’re fine.”

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he questions again and you pull him down for a reassuring kiss.

“One hundred percent. I want this. I want you.”

“Oh God, I want you so bad,” he whines again, lips kissing down your jawline, neck and collarbone before they attack your breasts.

He cups them, licks and bites them, making you a whimpering mess underneath him every time his tongue meets your hot skin. This man will be the death of you. As he moves down your body, his fingers hook into the waistband of your panties and he glances up at your for reassurance once again, you nod eagerly, lifting your hips so he can easily glide the fabric down and off of your body. Harry sits up, eyes burning down on your naked body lying in front of him as he undoes his own pants, pushing them down his long legs until they join the rest on the floor. You push yourself up when his hands move to his boxers, you want to be the one to take them off. He gladly backs his hands off when you reach out and start tugging them down. He kneels on the bed as you pull the fabric down and his erection finally becomes free, making you ache for him immediately. Once the boxers are out of the way completely you want to reach out to touch him, but he stops you, hands wrapping around your wrist before they could reach him.

Your eyes snap up to meet his darkened gaze, questioning why he stopped you.

“Y/N, I… If we do this, there’s no going back,” he breathes out with a pained look. You push yourself up to your knees so you meet his height, hands cupping his cheeks as you pull him into a sweet kiss that he hesitantly but returns.

“I know what you think about us, Harry, but I assure you, that I’m completely fine with it. But if you don’t want it to happen, we can just… lie here. I’m fine with that too. Kissing you was already such a gift for me,” you smile at him, gently pecking his lips.

“I just don’t want you to wake up and regret it. I’m not pushing you, right?”

“If anyone, it’s me pushing you,” you chuckle softly, a small smile tugging on his lips as well. “You didn’t push anything on me, alright? We are both adults and it’s completely fine. We’ll figure out the rest, I just want to focus on you now. Can I do that?”

Harry nods, still looking a little unsure, but you can tell he is starting to settle in his mindset. It’s not just him that worries about the other regretting something. You know how torn up he is about anything that’s about you and though you want him more than anything, you still don’t want to push him into doing something he is not entirely comfortable with.

“Do you want this?” you softly ask, pressing a chaste kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“I do. I’m just—“

“Then it’s all good, Harry. We both want it, nothing else matters for now,” you tell him, wanting nothing else than to finally see him enjoy himself entirely. “Lay down for me,” you tell him, feeling like you taking the lead is a good idea now.

He does as you asked him to, lying down on the mattress, head sinking into his pillow as he blinks up at you, watching you swing a leg over him before settling to sit on his thighs.

“Can I touch you?” you ask, wanting to make sure he feels completely comfortable with you. Pleasing him is your number one priority right now. He nods, lips parting as he watches your hand reach out and wrap around the base of his erected length. He whimpers under your touch, his eyes fall closed when you gently pump him a few times, his cock fits so well in your palms, like pieces of a puzzle.

Leaning down you kiss his fern tattoos on each sides of his hips before placing one to his leaking tip, sliding your hands to the base before you slowly and gradually take him into your mouth.

You’re not planning to make him cum with your mouth, but you’ve been dying to taste him and it’s just as good as you imagined. The way his body reacts to your touch, the noises that leave his kissable lips, this man is completely out of this world and you want to explore every inch of his body.

You bob your head a couple of times, just enough to wet his length and work him up for what’s coming next. When you let him go of your mouth and you move a little up on his body so that his cock can be lined up with your hole, you look at him to see if he is still down to continue. One hand holding his cock, the other one flat on his naked chest, you ask him a question with your eyes that he answers with his hands squeezing your hips.

“I have the implant. Do you want to put on a condom?” you ask him at last.

“I trust you,” he breathes out. “Do you want me to put one on?”

“I want to feel you,” you tell him shaking your head.

“Okay,” he nods so it’s settled.

Leaning down you peck his lips one last time before you push the head inside and then slowly ease yourself down on his throbbing length.

“Oh fuck!”

“Harry, oh my God!” you both moan at the sensation of him finally entering you. You’ve had your fair share of sexual intercourses throughout your life, but none of them felt this good. None of them pleasured you this good so fast and easily, just the feel of him being inside you is making you lose your mind.  

You start off slow, wanting to feel him just right, get used to his size, but as soon as you feel more comfortable, you pick up a faster pace. His fingers are digging into your flesh at your hips as he holds onto you for dear life, panting and moaning at your motions. He glides in and out of you perfectly, setting your senses on fire practically.

“Harry, you feel so good,” you gasp, getting lost in the feeling. Sex has always been a good experience for you, but with Harry it’s a whole different story. As if he just opened a completely new world you never even knew about before.

“Yeah? You’re gonna cum for me?”

“Yes! Oh fuck!”

Harry pushes himself up, an arm coming around your back as he easily flips the two of you over, your back gently hitting the soft mattress. He holds himself up above you, lips crashing with yours as he starts to do the work this time, thrusting in and out of you, his hips smacking against yours forcefully as you both nearing the end.

“You’re making me lose my fucking mind, Y/N,” he cries out, head falling to the crook of your neck and you wrap your arms around him as a shield, holding him tight against you.

It doesn’t take long after that. He is hitting just the right spots, making you moan his name over and over again as your orgasm slowly devours you and washes over your whole body while he is still relentlessly moving.

“Harry! Oh… Fuck!” you gasp, legs and hands shaking and you clench your muscles around him, throwing him over the edge with you. He falls out of his rhythm, his cock twitching inside you as he moans against the hot skin of your neck, coming undone in your arms.

Nothing has ever felt this intense and mind-blowing and you’re now sure you’re addicted to him, there’s no turning back, not that you want that.

He collapses on top of you, still inside you, his body weighing down on you heavily, but it feels just fine. You run your arms up and down his sides, kissing the side of his head as you are both trying to catch your breath. It takes a few minutes for him to come back to reality with you, he lifts his head and moves to the side so he is not crushing you anymore, but an arm remains thrown over your abdomen. His vibrant green eyes are shining like never before when they meet your tired gaze and cupping his face in your palm you pull him in for a slow kiss where you finally have the time to actually taste him without the rushing of your own needs and urges.

“How are you feeling?” you softly asking, knowing well how major this was for him. You wouldn’t want him to spiral and start to self-destruct because of what just happened.

“I’m feeling fine,” he murmurs lowly, his fingers dancing on your naked side. “Just still a little torn if I did the right thing.”

“You worry too much. We did nothing wrong.”

“Not sure everyone would agree with that.”

“Fuck everyone else,” you chuckle and a smile tugs on his lips as well. “I will not feel bad for having the best sex of my life with a hot as fuck man I’m really into,” you bluntly tell him, earning a smug grin.

“Best sex of your life, huh?”

“Not even ashamed to admit,” you nod into the pillow. “How… was it for you?” you shyly ask, afraid his answer might disappoint you. But Harry pulls you closer until you’re pressed up against his chest, his lips capture yours, kissing you fiercely, making your heart skip a few beats for sure.

“Fucking amazing, baby. Probably the best I ever had too,” he admits, lips brushing against yours as he speaks. A satisfied sigh leaves your lips as you nuzzle against his chest once he has rolled to his back.

Silence comes over the two of you, you’re listening to his steady heartbeat, mindlessly drawing patterns over his chest. Lifting your head your eyes meet his and you can tell he has been thinking hard about what this all means for the future now.

“I’m in,” you simply tell him.

“Huh?”

“If you are thinking that I might not want to do this with you, that I just wanted a good fuck, that’s not what I think of this. If you want to give us a chance, I’m totally in.”

“You think we can make it work?” he quietly asks, his voice barely more than just a whisper.

“Of course,” you smile at him warmly. “You don’t?”

“I do, I’m just… there are so many things that can go wrong.”

“Then… we’ll make them right.”

Harry breathes out through his nose, clearly having a hard time to take it as easy as you do and you wish you could magically make all his doubts go away.

Sitting up you put your hands on each of his sides, looking down at him determined to bring out his confidence in the two of you.

“We just have to be patient and careful until I finish. Then we are basically free. That’s just one more semester. It could be way worse, we can make it work for a couple of months before we can finally do whatever we want. That doesn’t sound that bad, does it?” Harry shakes his head, reaching up he tugs your hair behind your ear before running his fingers down the side of your face.

“So we are really doing this?” he breathes out, a small smile on his sweet, pink lips.

“Well, I’m surely not giving up on this, we came a long way to be here,” you chuckle. “Question is, are you gonna give up on us? On… me?”

“Hell no,” he chuckles softly as he shakes his head. You smile down at him and leaning down you peck his lips tenderly.

“Then… we really are doing this.”

SEQUEL: 🌊 AN OCEAN AWAY 🌊

-

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!

[awkward-and-indecisive]

The Lazy Chose Me

Gif by @crowleysfavouritedemon

Summary - Y/n wants to have a lazy day but her boyfriend, Dean, wants to take her on an impromptu date. Will she have a good time at the date or will the date, the green eyed hunter organised, be a total wreck?

Pairing - Dean Winchester x Female!reader

Warnings - FLUFF!!! A little language, crack, lots of kissing a certain green eyed man, Dean being the best boyfriend ever, Dean being an adorable dork. Reader’s thoughts are italicised. If I’m forgetting anything please let me know!

Word Count - 4224

A/N - This randomly came to me at four in the morning. Also, I love Stitch with everything in me. 🥺😩

This is completely unbeta’d, so all mistakes are mine.

Please tell me what you think about it.

FEEDBACK IS HIGHLY APPRECIATED!!!

Happy Reading :)

*****

You were having the laziest day of your life. Sitting on your side of the bed in a hoodie and sweatpants, you were stuffing your face with popcorn while watching reruns of your favourite show. With no hunts for the day, you were having a lazy day after months and you were enjoying it way too much. Crumbs of the snacks you’ve had earlier were scattered on the bed, decorating the sheets like confetti. Little pieces of popcorn were falling everywhere but you didn’t care. And you didn’t care that you didn’t care. You were loving the fact that you had nothing to do all day but lie in bed and eat junk and be lazy and messy and ugly and dirty. You were basically a zombie for the day.

Ah! This is what dreams are made of. You thought to yourself, sighing after another episode ended. You stretched your body, a few of your joints popping due to not getting any movement for so long, and hummed happily to yourself. You pressed play on the remote, the next episode playing, and changed your position on the bed. Lying on your side, you brought up your knees to your chest, one of your hands supporting your head, and kept the popcorn bowl within arm’s reach.

You had only continued your munching for a few minutes when your green eyed sex god of a boyfriend entered the room, excitement making his huge frame shake. He stopped at the foot of the bed, bouncing on the balls of his feet and you got a little annoyed at how energetic he was being. Your eyes were still glued to the screen, hand going in the direction of the bowl, blindly picking some popcorn and gorging yourself with it.

Dean moved in front of the tv and switched it off. You let out a ‘hey!’ in protest and he came to sit beside you. You scowled at him for interrupting your plan of being a zombie all day and he kept a hand on your hip, a cheeky smile playing on his lips which told you that he was up to something.

“Get ready, sweetheart. We’re going on an impromptu date.” He said with eagerness, clapping his hands together, and you still kept scowling at him. He seemed to have figured out what was swirling around in your head and started shaking you lightly.

“Come on, Y/N! It’s been so long since we had a date night and I have the perfect thing in mind.” He whined, making puppy dog eyes. You almost gave in right there but the lazy part of you stopped you from saying yes.

“But whyyy?! I don’t want to get ready or dress up or do my hair or look pretty or take a shower. I want to spend all day in bed doing absolutely nothing.” You whined back.

“Y/n, come on! You can be lazy all you want tomorrow. And look at all this mess and you haven’t even showered?!” Your boyfriend exclaimed. You just shrugged in return. So what if I didn’t shower today? It wasn’t like I smelled. Or did I?

You shook your head to get those thoughts out of your head and pulled the covers over your head, trying to hide under them and not let Dean force you to get out of bed. He tried to snatch the covers from you, going to stand at the foot of the bed again, but you had a deathgrip on them. Of course you were no match to him when it came to strength and he managed to steal them from you, throwing them on the small chair in the room. You groaned and folded your body more, tightly wrapping your arms around your knees and burying your head in the space between your knees and chest.

Dean grabbed a hold of your ankle and easily pulled you to the end of the bed and you screamed in protest, grabbing whatever you could to hold on. To anyone else the scene would surely look extremely comical, you clutching the sheets like your life depended on it and Dean dragging you towards the end of the bed. You knew you were being childish and throwing a tantrum like a kid whose mother refused to give in to their unnecessary demand they made in a public place right now but you didn't want to leave your bed. You were so comfortable and happy spending the day there and your boyfriend was bursting your peaceful bubble of lethargy.

“Why. Are. You. So. Damn. Lazy?!” Dean huffed exasperatedly, pulling you more and more towards the edge with each word.

You finally gave up on your plan, knowing you were no match for your stupid boyfriend’s stupid strength. You swiped the strands of hair that stuck on your face from all the scuffle in annoyance, when you stood up on your feet, and looked him in the eyes.

“I didn’t choose the lazy Dean. The. Lazy. Chose. Me.” You huffed with every step you took to leave the room and go to the bathroom to get ready for your impromptu date.

Dean chuckled and shook his head at your antics, taking a pair of your jeans, your undergarments and a jumper out of the drawer to give to you since you didn’t take any with you. He dropped the clothes on the bench of the bathroom, shouting ‘don’t take too long and get ready in 45 minutes’, and came back to change his clothes too.

Rolling your eyes for the millionth time in the last hour, you dragged your boot clad feet to the bunker’s garage. You would have been spending the whole day in sweats and a hoodie and here you were now, wearing jeans and a bra. Oh how cruel life is to break my dreams like that! You internally groaned.

You found Dean humming a tune to himself while leaning against his precious Impala, legs crossed at the ankles and arms folded. His head perked up when the sound of your footsteps reached his ears and he immediately opened the passenger side door for you. You grumpily took a seat and Dean, still acting all gentlemanly, closed the door and rounded the car to take a seat in the driver’s side.

He jammed the key into the ignition and turned it, driving out of the garage. The green eyed man turned on some soft rock tunes, his fingers drumming to their tune. His whole demeanor was annoying you, testing your limits. How was he so happy after literally dragging me off the bed and stopping me from being the sack of potatoes I so desperately wanted to be all day?

“Why couldn’t we have a lazy date night in the Cave?” You asked, turning your body towards him.

“Because I can��t remember the last time we went out on a nice date and what I have planned is gonna be so much better than a lazy date night in the Cave.” He replied with confidence.

“I’ll be the judge of that.” You grumbled, folding your arms.

“At least tell me where we’re going!” You whined after a few minutes had passed, stomping your foot like a child. You were really in a mood today.

“Then it won’t be a surprise.” Dean said, like it was obvious. You faced him and gave him your best puppy dog eyes, jutting out your lower lip to make the pout he could never say no to. He gave you a glance and then chuckled, “Nice try, sweetheart. But my hands are tied.”- he raised his hands in defeat and shrugged, -“I’m sorry but no can do.”

You let out a groan of frustration and decided to give up on prying information from him and just wait to see what this great plan of his was.

After a little over an hour of driving, Dean put Baby in park and you could see a tent with some lights and stuff. It was a carnival.

He brought you to a freaking carnival?!

“A carnival.” You said, judgement dripping from your voice.

“What? It’ll be fun!” He shrugged, a huge smile plastered on his face.

“I swear to god Dean if i don’t have any fun-”

“If you don’t have a good time then I’ll do whatever you want for a month.” He rambled out before you could complete your threat.

“Whatever?” You asked him, wanting to know if he was sure what he was signing himself up for. He nodded in reply and you thought about the little deal he was presenting you.

“Make it two and you have yourself a deal.” You countered, giving him a huge fake smile and putting your hand forward so you could shake on it.

“Deal!” Dean said and instead of shaking your hand, he crashed his lips on yours, kissing you like he hadn’t for years. He parted from you and you weren’t sure if you were out of breath because of the kiss or because of how good he kissed you. “That’s the way to properly seal a deal, sweetheart.” He winked and got out of the car, leaving you breathless and in a daze in the car.

You shook your head to get your brain back to working and got out of the car. You rounded and saw Dean holding his hand out for you. You couldn’t help the genuine smile and warmth that graced your cheeks. You hated how a tiny gesture from him made your heart do somersaults like a teenage girl even after all these years of knowing and dating him. Intertwining your fingers with his, you started walking towards the entry to go inside.

You were mesmerised by the hundreds of lights that were acting as a roof over your heads, looking like a galaxy of stars, as soon as you stepped foot into the carnival. You uttered a ‘Whoa!’ and could already see the smug smile forming on your boyfriend’s face. He gave you a ‘Hate to say I told you so’ look which you just ignored, pulling him towards the first stall your eyes fell on.

Dean suggested that you two eat a little before indulging in any activities and you quickly agreed since you didn’t have anything to eat all day other than those few snacks. You both opted for a hotdog and quickly finished it, feeling the hunger once the food was in your hands. The both of you roamed a little around the fair, watching everything that was on display.

The various games that were hard for normal people but to you both were as easy as pie and all the different prizes they had. A particular prize caught your eye and you memorised the stall number to visit later. The numerous contrasting foods and their delicious aromas wrapped around you like a blanket as you passed their respective stalls.

You saw a stall with flavoured lemonade and urged Dean to try some. You continued exploring while drinking the flavours of your choice. You reached the end of the ground, where the carnival was set, where a huge Ferris wheel waited for you and Dean.

You could only imagine the view you would get from the top. You tugged at your boyfriend’s jacket sleeve, stopping at the queue for the giant ride. You quickly emptied your plastic cups and threw them in the trash. You couldn’t help but notice Dean being a little nervous about the ride and found it so adorable. Dean Winchester, the best hunter in the world, was scared of a Ferris wheel.

It wasn’t long till it was your chance to sit in one of the carts. The crew guy locked the bar over your laps, securing you in. You heard Dean start humming Metallica, which you knew he did to calm himself down, as the ride started to take you up. You took his hand in yours, your thumb caressing the back of his hand. His grip on your hand tightened and you squeezed it back in reassurance, resting your head on his shoulder. You knew he was a little scared but couldn’t help and find the whole situation utterly adorable and amusing.

The wheel stopped when you were halfway to the top and you looked down to see that a couple was getting off a cart and another taking their place. You looked back at Dean, sitting next to you, and he had a funny expression on his face.

“Hey! You okay?” You asked, your brows furrowing.

He scanned his surroundings for a few seconds and then gulped, looking at you. You raised your eyebrows in question and he opened his mouth but no words came out.

“I uh...I think I’m gonna throw up.” He stuttered.

“You WHAT?!” You said, voice getting louder with shock while you let go of his hand and put as much distance as you could between the two of you. Your turn had just started and you were approximately 50 feet above ground and you had nowhere to go. Your thoughts started spiralling and you quickly rambled out, “I swear to god Dean if you throw up here I’ll kill you. Don’t even think about throwing up. Swallow it down if you have to. Don’t you dare throw up.”

“I can’t just not throw up Y/n!” He screeched.

“I don’t care!!” You said, shaking your head from side to side.

You both stared at each other in disbelief for a minute when Dean started laughing hysterically, his whole body shaking the cart. Your eyes widened when realisation hit you. He was messing with you. He wasn’t nauseous. Ugh! You hated him so much. The ride started again, taking you both up and he was still laughing.

“Asshole!” You said, smacking his arm and the cart shook a little bit.

“Whoa Y/n! I might fall!” Dean shrieked and you grumbled ‘Good!’ in reply.

You crossed your arms, rolling your eyes and looking away from him. It wasn’t long until you reached the top and as soon as you took in the view, your annoyance vaporized into thin air. You could see the whole town from up here, hundreds of lights twinkling in the distance, the cold wind blowing through your hair. It all looked so heavenly stunning.

“This is so beautiful!” You whispered in awe.

“Yeah it is.” Dean agreed with you and when you looked at him, he was looking at you. “It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

You rolled your eyes while a blush crept up on your cheeks making your face warm even in the cold breeze. A smug expression made its way on Dean’s face and he wiggled his brow at you, thinking of how easy it was to win you over. But before he could make a smartass comment, you crashed your lips onto his, shutting him up. He didn’t seem to mind, bringing his hand up to your cheek, his thumb caressing it, while the other one still held onto the metal bar which was your only safety.

You made out like horny teenagers the whole ride, giggling when your noses collided. You both got out of the small cart, hands entwining and began to make your way back. You were walking quietly, taking in your surroundings when out of nowhere a guy ran past you, drenching you with the milkshake he had in his hand. You gasped at the contact of the cold liquid with your body, which quickly started seeping into your clothes and making you shiver.

“Son of a bitch!” Dean cursed looking at you, anger filling him straight away and then his green eyes gazed behind you to catch sight of that guy.

“Let it go, Dean. I need to change before I get sick.” You said, tugging at his hand.

“Okay okay. I think I saw a souvenir shop a little ahead. Let’s get you some clean clothes from there.” He said, his anger disappearing and worry taking its place.

You nodded and let him guide you to the shop, hoping they had some clothes you could wear. As much as you disliked coming here at first, you were having a good time and didn’t wanna go back home so soon.

You went into the shop, thanking everyone in this world when you found some clothes at the back. You quickly took off their tag and handed them to Dean so he could pay for them while you changed in the fitting room. You quickly got out of your milkshake soaked clothes and put them in a plastic bag. You left the fitting room, your eyes meeting with those gorgeous green ones and he chuckled, shaking his head and looking down.

“What?” You asked, feeling a little conscious.

“Nothing. I’m just not that surprised at your choice of clothing.” He said with amusement, waving his hand up and down towards your body.

You glanced down at yourself and realised that you were wearing sweatpants and a hoodie. You were back in your lazy clothes and chuckled too. You looked at Dean and shrugged while smirking, “What can I say? The lazy chose me.”

He grinned at you, pulling you in for a kiss. The kiss was all sweet and loving. He parted when the need for air became too much and rested his forehead on yours, whispering on your lips, “I’m starting to think it did.”

You pecked his lips one more time before taking his hand to exit the shop. You both roamed around a bit more, going on some rides and eating some food. You lost a bet to Dean, getting dizzy before him on Chair-O-Planes, resulting in him making fun of you before you kissed him to shut him up while he lost a bet to you, getting scared in the fun house once while you didn’t. You made fun of him before he applied your method of shutting him up, kissing you. You both tried a hybrid of a cake and a pie which was so fucking delicious that it left you two moaning with each bite and you instantly got a whole one packed to take home. Dean kept convincing you to call it Pieke which you kept ignoring. You also tried something called a ‘pizza cone’, it looked like a normal ice cream cone but instead of the ice cream, it had cheese and pizza sauce and the cone was made out of dough. It was easily the best kind of pizza you’ve ever had and got a few of them packed for everyone back at home.

It was safe to say that both of your stomachs were full with finger-licking food and your hearts with irreplaceable memories from tonight. You couldn’t remember the last time you felt this carefree and had so much fun. You hated to admit it, but Dean was right and you were definitely not going to say that out loud and give him one more chance of being all cocky and boastful.

Both of you were lazily strolling with one of your hands carrying the bags with the food and the other interlaced with each others’. You could see the opening from where you had entered, meaning you had done everything there was to do.

“You ready to go home, sweetheart?” Dean asked, his head tilting to you while his eyes darted towards the entry/exit point.

You hummed while nodding, Dean pecking your forehead and beginning to walk again. You had just stepped out of the carnival when your brain reminded you of that stall number you had thought of visiting before and you quickly shrieked, “WAIT!!”

He stopped in his tracks, turning to you with his brows raised, “What?”

“Uh, I remembered something I have to do.” You gave him a vague reply, not looking him in the eye.

“Okay, let’s go do it then.” He said, turning to walk back inside.

“NO!! No no.” You yelped, pushing on his shoulders to turn him back. He gave you a perplexed look and you awkwardly said, “You don’t have to come. Plus I kinda gotta do it alone.”

“Okaaay..” Dean said, unsure.

“Alright! So I'll meet you at the car in 20.” You hastily rambled out, pecking his lips and made your way back to the stall you had earlier seen in the night, leaving a dumbfounded Dean behind.

You were walking back to the car, a giant rainbow slinky in your hands, which were behind your back, to hide the toy from him. You saw how heartbroken he was, when the one Sam had gotten him on a case, got broken. You just wanted to see his whole face light up and give you that huge smile that lit up your world. You had seen the slinky displayed as a prize on the Ring Toss game and had won it for your boyfriend easily, your hunter skills coming handy.

You saw Dean leaning against the Impala, a mischievous look on his face, something blue and huge peeking out from where he was hiding it behind him. You squinted your eyes to figure out what he was hiding but failed to make anything out.

“What you got there, Y/n?” Dean questioned, nodding to your hands, amusement painted all over his face.

“I could ask the same.” You smirked, raising one of your eyebrows.

“Well as they say, ‘Ladies first’” He winked and you chuckled.

“You’re gonna need your hands for this one and they’re a little busy as far as I can tell.” You said, wiggling your brows at him.

Realisation hit him and you chuckled at his puzzled expression at what to do with whatever was in his hands. He told you to close your eyes and not open them until he shoved the thing he had in his hands in Baby through the window. He gave you the green light to open his eyes. You gave out a count of three out loud and then brought the slinky in front of you. Dean gasped, his whole face lighting up with a million megawatt smile, just like you had imagined, lighting up your whole world in the process.

“No! Oh, you’re the best girlfriend EVER!!! I LOVE YOU AND YOU’RE SO FREAKING AWESOME!!!” Dean blurted out, voice raising with each word, probably on cloud nine right now. Your face heated up at his words but you just dismissed them, mumbling ‘yeah yeah’ while looking down at your feet.

“Okay time for your surprise!”- He said, remembering what he had stuffed in the window earlier, -“Close your eyes.”- he insisted, turning around to get it out of the car while you shut your eyes, -”And no cheating!” You chuckled at his childish behaviour, loving it all the same.

“You need some help with that?” You teased him, after a few minutes passed and you heard him struggling to get it out of the car. He grunted an ‘almost done’ making you chuckle again.

“Alright, open up, sweetheart.” He said.

“YOU DID NOT!!” You gasped as you saw what he was holding in his hands, happy tears making your eyes blurry, reminding you of your childhood.

You instantly took the giant, almost as big as you, Stitch stuffed plush from his arms, squeezing it tightly against yourself. You couldn’t believe he got that for you. That little alien meant the world to you.

“I saw it at a shooting game after you left and I just couldn’t not get it for you. I know how much you love the movie and this weird guy. And also this is compensation if you didn’t have a good time tonight.” He told you and you looked up at him.

“Dean I...this...YOU are the best boyfriend in this universe and all the others. You don’t know how much this means to me...I...I love you.” You stuttered, words not coming to you as your feelings overwhelmed you, your voice getting smaller at the end.

He stepped forward, crashing his lips on yours, kissing you passionately while his large hands cupped your face. You kissed him back with the same passion, pouring all the feelings you felt into it, immense love for a certain green eyed man being the biggest. You parted when the need for oxygen became too much and rested your forehead on his.

“You should find yourself a new bed to sleep in because I just found a new cuddle buddy I won’t be letting go of any time soon.” You teased him, a smile playing on your lips.

“Pfft yeah right.” Dean scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, sorry Stitch, unfortunately I kinda love him the most.” You said with mock sadness in your tone.

“Unfortunately my ass!” He grumbled and you laughed at that.

“I love you. So so much.” You said, pecking his lips.

“I know. Now get your cute butt in the car. It’s getting late and we gotta go home.” He said, lightly smacking your ass as you rounded the car to take a seat.

“Plus, I gotta show you just how much I love you for getting me that slinky.” He winked, suggestively, getting into the car.

“Oh I can’t wait.” You winked back.

*****

WHAT DID YOU THINK ABOUT IT?!

TELL ME YOUR THOUGHTS PLEASE!!!

Tags - @agirlwithdemonblood | @eevvvaa | @msmarvelouswinchester | @waynes-multiverse | @deanwithscissors | @jay-and-dean | @stitchintimefan

[mettywiththenotes]

Tumblr wouldn’t allow me to message you so I hope you don’t mind me answering like this

Yes I think he could get a chance to do that!

I don’t have much evidence for that other than my impression that Izuku still seems to have the mindset of “I can’t be a burden, let me go ahead and do something self destructive just so nobody else gets caught up in this battle”, which I’ve written about here

Basically, to me, it seems like Izuku still hasn’t really healed from everything that happened in Rogue arc (or his childhood) and his whole mindset about getting stronger, his self worth and desperately trying to not be a burden

Therefore, he wouldn’t be the only one hurting inside, so it opens up the chance for Tomura to see into Izuku as well

I have this theory about the Void going both ways. Essentially, if Izuku could look into Tomura and see Tenko, then there’s nothing to say Tomura couldn’t have looked into Izuku and seen him when he was younger too

I do think it’s possible that could have happened, because 1) if Izuku could do it, why not Tomura? and 2) the framing in this scene

Tomura is talking to AFO here, but he’s looking directly at Izuku. There’s no reason Tomura couldn’t have turned to (or at least tried to turn or look at) AFO and speak to him, but here we are shown that these two are looking straight at each other

I think, if Tomura did see a younger Izuku, it would be a good opportunity to callback to this scene and show when that happened. Again, if Izuku did it, why not Tomura?

I always theorize between two possibilities: that if he did see younger Izuku, he could have seen this Izuku

Who is crying and scared himself, just like Tenko, but is actively choosing to protect those just like him who are also scared and crying

Or Middle school Izuku. Simply because that part of Izuku’s life is probably the most vulnerable and desperately in-denial he’s ever been in the beginning. I think most of Izuku’s behaviour/mindset stems from his childhood (wanting to be a hero) and his time at middle school (in denial that things wouldn’t turn out how he wanted them to, and in doing so, clinging to the idea that he wasn’t - couldn’t - be useless)

As for the possibility of Tomura watching memories play, actually watching the things that have happened to Izuku, I think it’s possible considering that Tomura’s own memories played in the Void in 270

I don’t know how Izuku’s would be able to be played like that, if at all. I always wondered if the Void is linked to the subconsciousness of an individual, and so maybe it’s just about somehow getting Izuku into an unconscious in-between state (similar to Tomura in 270) to allow his memories to play. But, on the whole, I’m not sure

I do think Tomura could get the chance to see how Izuku’s life has been, but it’s mostly something I want to happen and more of a theory than having any real evidence to back it up (other than the scene in 286 as shown above. I do think the framing of that was suspicious, considering Tomura is supposed to be talking to AFO but looking directly at Izuku. but that’s more of a feeling than anything else)

Do you think Deku Is gonna see Tomura’s memories? I mean there is an actual possibility for this to happen? I love reading all your analysis <3

Thank you <3

And yes, I think it's possible!

Given what we've seen in the Void in chapter 270, where Tomura saw the memories/visuals of his family before he woke up and decayed the hospital, plus what Izuku saw in the Void in the 305 flashback, I think it's possible for Izuku to be able to see his memories at some point

If Izuku were to actually look deeper into Tomura and see more of what happened, or if Tomura were to somehow project everything that happened to him in the Void, Izuku would then be able to see just how much he has been hurting and for how long

Not only would this help Izuku see the full extent of how much Tomura has suffered, but it would also become a full circle moment between them surrounding how incapable Izuku was of understanding him

One of the things about the Mall Scene is the honest opinion Izuku gave to him when asked what he thought the difference between Tomura and Stain was, and Izuku says this to him

Izuku simply couldn't understand anything Tomura did at all. This is referenced again with Kouta

Even now, in the manga currently, Izuku can't really understand the exact reason why he does what he does

Post-war arc, he discovered Tomura was hurting inside. He knew, at that point, that he was suffering and that maybe everything Tomura did wasn't just "for fun". Izuku then knew he needed to save Tomura from All For One

But it's not just All For One. Even when the League was all alone and taking over the Liberation Army, Tomura was still plagued by hatred and that was because of what happened with his family

AFO is a big part of why Tomura does the things he does now, but everything that happened with the Shimura's is also a factor into why Tomura just doesn't stop hating the world

I mean, Tenko can't stop bringing up the past. He can't stop thinking about what happened and how everyone ignored him, brushed aside his feelings, and the people he killed. He can't stop having visions of them, remembering their faces and his feelings when those events happened, and recently, we keep being shown how, as Tenko surfaces again and again, how much the Shimura incident still matters to Tomura and thus the story

So he doesn't just have to be saved from AFO

He also has to be saved from his own raging heart

He has to be saved from the very thing that Tenko keeps reminding us of - the guilt surrounding his families deaths

And I feel like, in order to do that, Izuku has to find out what really happened in Tomura's past at some point

He can separate Tomura from AFO all he likes, he could destroy the vestige inside of Tomura, he could kill AFO himself and it still wouldn't be able to stop Tomura's destruction

What Izuku needs to save him from isn't just external but internal. Hence the crying child Tenko (in his house's garden hugging Mon-chan = a sign that this hurt is stemming from the past as well as the present) that Izuku saw in the 305 flashback

Quick side-note, but you know how Eri and Tomura parallel a lot? Taken in by abusers, bodies used as weapons, both unable to walk away from their abusers because they (Eri and Tomura) believe they are the ones at fault?

Well, I think it's the same, but with how Chisaki's shadow was still haunting Eri. Even after she was saved, she still wasn't really saved, because the external was gone (Chisaki) but the internal was still present

Then the Cultural Festival happened, Eri had fun, she smiled, and Chisaki's shadow stopped haunting her. She was finally saved

So I don't doubt that it's going to be the exact same for Tomura. Even if Izuku were to get rid of the external threat (AFO), internally, there is still the shadow of the Shimura's deaths still haunting Tomura

And I can't really see any other way Izuku would be able to find out about Tomura's past without actually seeing what happened

Unless Tomura were to actually sit down and talk about it...

... But I don't think that's going to happen right now lol

Or maybe if AFO were to spill everything that happened? Which, I mean, I think that could happen. But if it did, he might only talk about the part where he was involved (The hat man at the Shimura door being the same man that took Touya and likely being AFO himself), and not the whole history of the murders

Even if AFO were to prattle on about Tenko killing his family, I also think Izuku needs to hear how Tomura felt about it or see what actually happened with his own eyes in order to fully understand

So, yes, I think there's a great chance of Izuku seeing his memories

[jadegreenimmortality]

Bungou Stray Dogs Men as Househusbands pt.1 - Sakunosuke Oda

A/N: I’m sorry that this isn‘t a request, but this brain rot has been going on since forever and now I can’t resist it anymore. I totally blame @hanazou for this. There will also be a part two featuring Chuuya, but his part has a completely different feeling to it, that's why I'll post these separately. Besides of that, this is basically an “Way of the Househusband!AU”. Go watch the show or read the manga if you don’t know it, it’s absolutely hilarious! This is mainly focused on them as househusbands, but since you are their spouse, there’s also a bit of reader insert. Also, a lot of Oda as a dad to his orphans. And the whole thing is feat. Dazai. (^^)

Pairings: Oda x gn!reader

Genre: Crack, domestic fluff

Warnings: none

Summary: You, Oda and the orphans move in together. While you become the working spouse, your loving husband stays at home and becomes a full-time househusband.

pt. 2

First things first - If you agree to marrying Sakunosuke Oda, you are also agreeing to become the parent of five children. Oda loves you and you are one of two main reasons he’s leaving the Mafia, the other being his life purpose. But if he’s leaving the Mafia, he’s keeping those kids in (if they want him to of course, but you can’t tell me they don’t, come on -)

So yeah, be ready.

He only cooks spicy curry at the beginning. The curry shop owner gave him the exact recipe of his favourite plate as a goodbye gift and that’s the only thing he is cooking for days on end. He has some basic cooking skills, but this is the only really elaborated dish he knows how to prepare as of now, so be ready to suffer from the spice. It will go on like that until all six of you you and the kids hold an intervention for him. The kids will paint nice banners like they were going to a demonstration saying "No more curry" that they hang up in the living room and he’ll be greeted by your sorrowful face when he comes back from buying groceries.

“What’s this?” – “Oh honey, I’m so sorry, its just…” – “WE CAN’T TAKE THE SPICE ANYMORE STOP COOKING CURRY ALREADY!” – “…I mean…yeah.”

Of course, he’ll be a bit embarrassed and disappointed. May scratch his neck and look to the side thoughtfully. But he’ll take your plead seriously.

This is also how you bond with the kids for the first time. Congratulations, huddling up against someone is always the best way to bond!

He works hard on his cooking skills after that and becomes quite the formidable cook. He takes suggestions from you and the kids and will try to learn how to cook anything you might fancy to eat. It’s really important to him that all of you are happy and cooking may be the most important job of a house spouse, so he takes it very seriously.

There will be curry Tuesday though. One day of spice hell. Enjoy.

Please picture Oda in his usual attire, wearing a beige “kiss the cook” apron over it and bunny slippers. You’re welcome.

He'll learn how to make anime and cartoon-themed bentos for the kids, so it's highly probable you'll get cutely designed bentos as well. Again, you may drop suggestions, he’ll absolutely take them into considerations. Octopus sausages, bunny apple slices, cute bear faces made out of rice, he’ll learn to do them all. He isn’t too sappy of a person, but if he’s feeling romantic while cooking, your rice could also have the shape of a heart. Either way, your co-workers will be very envious of your food and your husband.

Oda iss the master of negotiation at the food market. He’ll be completely stoic all the time, not aggressive or dismissive at all, but he’ll point out little flaws of the products in a way that most shop owner’s won’t be able to deny and that’s how he gets discounts. He doesn’t want to cheat anyone out of their money, but he does have seven mouths to feed.

He may not look like it, but if any of the kids tag along for his grocery shopping, it's really hard for him to deny them something if they beg for it. He may seem unnervingly calm all the time, but he’s a big softie, especially for those kids and for you, and if they hang at his sleeves long enough, they’ll get that ice-cream they want so badly. That doesn’t work on pricier items though, he can be a strict parent when really needed.

Oda is great at handling the finances. He’s well aware that he has to be thrifty with five kids. Still, there is one thing where he struggles to keep his control: books.

If you agree to it, the apartment will have an absolutely minimalistic interior, but! In your living room, there will be a shelf full of books, so big it covers a whole wall. That’s it, that’s Oda’s only weak spot when spending money.

It’s not only books for him though. He buys books for you when he sees something from your favourite author or genre. He buys books for the kids so they learn the joy of literature. Poems, bed time stories he wants them to grow up appreciating the possibilities of the written word.

You can bet that he’ll read them bed time stories. Only one book for all five of them though, so one kid gets to choose a story each day.

He’ll read to you as well if you want him to. His voice is incredibly calm and soothing, he’s a really good reader. There’s a high probability you’ll fall asleep while he reads to you. You can cuddle up in bed and rest your head on his shoulder or sit on his lap and hide your face in the crook of his neck, feeling the vibration of his voice in his chest.

Whenever he has some time to spare, he’ll retire to your shared bedroom to write. Mind you, that won’t happen often. It happens mainly on weekends, when the kids are with friends and/or you are at home. If you want to do him a favour, consider cooking on the weekends, he’ll be more than thankful for the opportunity to submerge in his beloved writing. But don’t worry, it won’t consume him – he’ll always put some time aside to spent with you, without the kids, as well ¬‿¬.

He's so polite with the neighbours. Will pay all his neighbours a short visit together with the kids to introduce himself and bring little gifts. Just imagine him standing there in the door frame, witih all five kids around his legs, smiling at their new neighbours angelically - what's not to love?

He really wants to maintain a good relationship to all of them. Basically, he’s the perfect neighbour – always polite, always up to a little chat, always ready to listen to neighbour A complain over neighbour B without snitching. He’s mainly concerned for the wellbeing the kids though. He wants them to feel part of the community and often arranges play dates with the neighbour kids. If it's possible at the neighbour’s house because five kids are a lot to handle already…and when they are all out of the apartment, it’s cleaning time.

Oda is an angel of patience and the ultimate multitasker. He isn’t left with much of a choice with five kids, but thankfully, calm lies in his nature. You may see him explaining Sakura her math homework while cutting vegetables for today’s lunch. Then, he’ll take a quick glance out of the window to see if they boys are still playing on the street where he can see them and then he’ll check on Sakura again. Isn’t he lovely?

His ability is unexpectedly helpful for all of this. If he’s in the living room to clean, his ability will alarm him if the food’s about to burn. If he’s around the kids, he’ll know in time if one is about to trip. If you come home from work so tired you fall asleep face first in your soup, he’ll be able to catch you. So useful.

He’s a very attentive and loving husband. His love is mainly expressed by keeping the house as clean as he can and putting a lot of effort into cooking. Your work is hard enough, he takes it upon himself to manage everything else. He’ll also try to have the kids well-behaved so they don’t demand too much from you after you come home from work. Though if you decide to pull yourself together and give them attention and love even when tired, he’ll be more than thankful. He knows it’s a lot to ask to be a parent, especially to not one, but FIVE kids that are not yours by blood. So if you actively seek to have a close bond to them, it will make him so incredibly happy because he knows it’s not the natural course of action for everyone.

Will give you head, shoulder and foot massages after an especially excruciating day of work. His hands are skillful and he knows where to touch to make you moan to release the tension from your muscles.

Likes to lie his head in your lap after both of you had a long day of work. Yes, you may be the provider, but keeping a house clean and five kids under control isn’t an easy job either! So, he’ll seek peace laying his head on your thighs and closing his eyes while you tussle his hair and tell him about your day. Don’t expect more than a mumbled “Mm” or “I see” from time to time, but be sure that he’s listening.

And the Port Mafia? You’re in luck - since he was the lowest-ranking member, The Mafia, by which I mean Mori isn’t bothered that he left. He refused to kill anyways, he’s to no use to them him.

Of course, Oda will try to be absolutely sure there is no hidden reason for Mori to hinder his leave beforehand, or to resent him for it. The last thing he wants is to endanger you or the kids by leaving his job as a criminal.

If he ever meets a member of the PM in public, he'll act as if he doesn't know them. He may give them a polite nod if they make eye contact, but that’s about it. It’s not that he resents them, but he really wants to start a new life here that isn’t connected to killing and cruelty at all. If they approach him he'll be very polite, but try to keep the conversation short, even if they seem to have no ulterior motive.

Of course, there’s one member of the Port Mafia that marks the exception, by which I mean to say that you’ll have Osamu Dazai over for tea regularly. No, he won’t announce himself at all. The first time he appears at your apartment, you’re just finishing to unpack. He’ll tand at your doorstep all of a sudden to tell Oda that Mori already knows where he moved to. Oda will just nod as an acknowledgement. He expected as much. And then he’ll give you a questioning look. If you nod, he’ll officially asking his friend to stay for dinner. You’ll be having curry.

From then on, he’ll just drop by whenever. You may come back home from time to time to find dinner ready, the kids in bed and your husband and Dazai drinking. If you join them, you will have some truly joyful evenings spend together. You’re Oda’s chosen one, so Dazai is a bit more inclined to let you get close than he is with others. You may make a new friend in the process.

It doesn’t take a lot of time for the kids to start calling him Uncle Dazai. He’ll actually be Uncle Dazai before they ever call Oda Dad or you Mom/Dad. It will take them mere weeks to call him uncle, but months, maybe years to call the two of you Dad/Mom. It will happen eventually though, and the day it happens, I assure you that you will see Oda spill tears of happiness. He’ll be looking away, wiping his face with one hand and smiling. He never thought he would want this, but now he knows he does.

Back to Dazai! He’s reserved with the kids at first. As we know, he doesn’t feel all to comfortable around “childish behaviour”. But kids are like cats, the feel drawn to the one that’s most cautious. By which I mean to say that they are all over him. Literally. Oda will leave for five minutes and when he’s back at the living room the kids will have tackled a slightly unnerved Dazai on the floor. Sakura wants him to see the drawings she made, Katsumi, Kousuke and Yuu want to play, Shinji wants to ask him what's under his bandages. He’ll have no choice but to oblige and it goes surprisingly well. Oda may abuse him as a baby-sitter when he visits from then on.

Then suddenly, Dazai stops visiting altogether. You are worried, but Oda, for some reason, isn’t. Even more, whenever you ask him about it, you may catch him smiling to himself in a satisfied, proud way. No, Dazai didn’t tell him anything. If Oda would know, it would endanger all of you. But he knows. He knows that Dazai finally made his choice to leave the Port Mafia and needs to lay low now. And that’s okay.

It takes Dazai two years to come back, which will be just as sudden as him leaving. You’ll be astounded to see him a changed man at first sight. Oda will scold him for not sending any notice and then everything is normal again. And after some more years, he’ll start bringing along a scrawny kid with white hair.

A/N: Wow, this is the first post I put a "keep reading" link in because it's so long! That's kind of a milestone for me. ｡ﾟ(TヮT)ﾟ｡

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this! Thank you for reading!

[angelsndragons]

fjord’s feelings for caduceus changed in episodes 98-99

by which i mean, fjord finally realized how special and important he is to caduceus, which in turn set the tone of their relationship for the rest of the campaign. buckle up, this is a long one.

not when fjord threw away his sword and went to caduceus instead of jester. or when caduceus presented him with the star razor. or after the citadel fight when caduceus gave him his holy symbol. i think things changed for fjord in episode 98-99, when caduceus saved his life and removed the orb.

this is going to require some context.

because here’s the thing: fjord’s always looking for the price, waiting for the catch or other shoe to drop. people caring for him because of him with no strings attached is unprecedented. vandren and the world taught fjord that love is conditional, that only if you hide what others would find ugly and make yourself useful to them will they deign to give you a scrap of affection. i don’t think vandren did this maliciously, mind you, it was just part of his worldview and fjord’s life up to and beyond that point supported it. we can see that right up to the end of the show, where fjord is terrified that vandren didn’t remember him or that he didn’t mean nearly as much to the man as vandren did to him.

so we have fjord, who learned to don masks and hide his truest self, including his best and worst aspects. while fjord made the nein into a coherent group, into a force, a crew, a family, even, he still waited for that other shoe to drop. waited for the day that they would reject him because he was no longer useful or because he pushed them too far. you can see this waiting all over the early campaign; he’s not looking for an excuse like caleb to cut and run but he anticipates nearly all the moments that almost fractured the nein, in spite of that low wisdom score. while jester carried the guilt of not being able to save molly, fjord carried the guilt of not protecting the group in that crucial moment. travis confirmed on talks that fjord’s biggest fear when he lost his powers the first time was that he would no longer be useful and be kicked out of the group. 

that’s why fjord damn near broke down at the end of 72. the nein, no questions asked, with their standard level of snark, accepted that he was going to be a liability and kept him around anyway. armed him anyway. declared that he was no liability and that they would help him along until he could help himself and them again. this unconditional acceptance caught fjord completely off guard. it always does, really. because caduceus had said for months, an out of game half a year, that he was looking to reforge the sword as a gift for fjord. he said this to fjord’s face. he did not change course when he learned that the sword was a legendary blade forged by acolytes of the wildmother and moonweaver. the blade was still meant for fjord, even if fjord was still chained to uk’otoa. fjord extends his love and protection to the nein but is still not convinced the reverse is true. he was starting to believe it but he wasn’t quite there yet.

caduceus has a high enough wisdom to understand that’s fjord’s hang up even if he doesn’t quite understand the reasoning behind it. that’s why he pulls fjord aside in ep 75 and tells him that he doesn’t have to choose the wildmother, that there are other gods and other ideas out there looking for a champion. fjord, who at this point considers wildmom his only option (travis says she’s the only one who’s shown the slightest interest in fjord and that’s why he’s gunning for her), is befuddled by caduceus and this whole talk, so much so the pair end up talking past each other for the next several episodes.

after fjord officially becomes a paladin, things between him and caduceus become fairly...unsettled compared to their previous interactions. they talk past each other more, they aren’t in sync enough to double team those social interactions they were just starting to get good at. things are just weird for a while. to me, that’s fjord waiting for the catch, waiting for caduceus to call in some favor or something like it. and he keeps getting confused when caduceus doesn’t. so he tries once or twice to follow in caduceus’ footsteps and do as he would instead. and it just makes things weirder. these two don’t have a moment together that doesn’t leave one of them confused or unsatisfied until ep 87, when caduceus gives fjord the holy symbol and inadvertently kicks off the next phase of their relationship. because here, caduceus tries to put them back on equal footing and fjord recognizes it. caduceus rejects framing their relationship as mentor/student and tells fjord he doesn’t need caduceus to give him answers. fjord is “well on his way.”

by defining what they aren’t, mentor/student, our two boys inadvertently ask the question, “so what are we?” honestly, it’s a question that the entire group grapples with in the 90s as they reintegrate yasha, as veth struggles with the question of changing back and whether she can stay with the nein, as beau tries to sacrifice herself for veth, as jester learns some uncomfortable truths about the traveler, as caduceus finds his family again. fjord and caduceus can easily define what they aren’t - not mentor/student, not brothers or cousins- but what they actually are stumps both of them.

their relationship doesn't look like any of their relationships with the others: beau is fjord's bro and first mate, caleb is fjord's complicated mirror and admiree, jester his crush and first person he learned to be vulnerable with, veth his antagonistic sibling. on caduceus' side, caleb is the one he looks to for a fellow project nerd and clear, unvarnished goals, beau and jester are the sisters caduceus misses, yasha the quiet beloved barbarian he understands better than the rest, and veth a mess he wants to help but can't. but fjord and caduceus' relationship is highly undefined at this point. notably undefined, beyond their newly shared connection to melora. at the dinner with essek, we get the stone bomb. and travis and fjord panic. like no, seriously, they spend the next four episodes low key panicking over this revelation. this ties back to fjord waiting for those other shoes to drop but it’s also more than that.

when it comes to destiny, fjord has always been the answer, the self made man, to both caduceus and caleb’s questions about destiny. he makes choices about who he is, who he wants to be, and takes actions towards those goals. he is one of those rare people who can wear many different masks, take on many different roles, while still maintaining his sense of self and becoming a fuller version of who he is. when I say fjord is the answer to destiny, what i mean is that he is what ioun said way back in c1 about Fate: mortals make choices and through those choices, destiny is fulfilled. he is the answer to caduceus' own growth from passive instrument waiting for someone to play him to active communicator in this conversation between gods and mortals. in this sense, fjord is what caduceus learns to be (this is exactly why caduceus rejects a mentor role; he has as much to learn from fjord as vice versa).

so for this coincidence to pop up, this idea that maybe fjord only had the illusion of choice to extend his service to the wildmother, that maybe somehow he was manipulated again, that there was some grand destiny pushing things and fjord had no say in it, yeah, i can see why fjord was low-key terrified. so is this what fjord and caduceus are: just some predestined grand fairy tale partnership neither of them have that much say in? episode 96 resoundingly rejects that label too. for one thing, none of the stones or clays treat fjord's last name as anything amazing or spectacular. for another, this string of episodes gives us caduceus at his most human. the terror of not knowing what happened to his family, the uncertainty of his homecoming, the relief of saving his family and home, the irritation at the way the chaos crew treats the temple, the playful attitude caduceus cultivates after, it's all on display. caduceus drops much of his placid exterior and willingly allows the nein to see sheer depth of emotion he has.

which leads me back to episode 98-99. uk’otoa’s agents come for fjord. and caduceus is pissed. travis and ashley both said on talks that they hadn’t really seen taliesin that pissed, that it was like someone had threatened an actual loved one of his. fjord dies. and comes back to an exhausted, still pissed off firbolg who is five seconds away from snapping archmage vess derogna’s head off for interrupting his prayer of healing. taliesin doesn’t even begin to relax until they start interrogating the dead fish people the next day. once caduceus confirms the ball is still in fjord, notably caduceus and caleb were the two who remembered, fjord starts asking for a way to remove it. he asks caduceus to start a commune with wildmom in tandem with jester’s commune with the traveler. caleb tells fjord that caduceus fought “very hard for you while you were down, i don’t know if he’s up to it.” having heard that, caduceus still tries, with his first divine intervention attempt of the campaign. and when jester figures out that greater restoration will work, caduceus pushes through his exhaustion, takes charge, and goes through a truly terrifying greater restoration with fjord to remove the ball. convulsing, seizing, shuddering, collapsing, etc.

in those moments, and in the quiet after when fjord confirms that he still has his powers, it finally hits him that yes, people can protect, fight, and love him for who he is alone. there is no chain or other shoe waiting to be dropped here. the wildmother is no uk’otoa, to punish or take power at a whim. caduceus will fight with everything he has and then some for fjord because he loves him (not for nothing does fjord only realizes the depths of jester’s feelings when she uses heal on him). who are caduceus and fjord to each other? they are people who will fight for one another and the others as far as they can. fjord says over and over again that he wants to protect the nein and look out for them because he cares for them. he demonstrates it over and over again as well. caduceus says basically the same thing; he wants everyone safe and happily on their way and will stay until they are. he demonstrates this all the time as well. this is, i think, the first time that he demonstrates his dedication so unequivocally, free of the artifice of duty, fully committed through love. fjord recognizes this in caduceus and caduceus does in fjord.

i say this is a turning point because, while they don’t really have another super in depth conversation alone together, these two start clocking each other and openly help and look out for each other. there’s an ease and intimacy to the relationship after this. fjord watching caduceus swim near vokodo’s lair, fjord being ready to hand over his armor to caduceus when it looks like his won’t be ready, fjord, caduceus, and beau plotting behind jester’s back to keep her safe from the traveler, the absolute offense fjord takes to eadwulf after he spoke to caduceus like that, fjord levels up in paladin after caduceus tells him he’s proud to know him, all the way to the end of the show when fjord shelters the clerics and tells them to finish lucien, we get little moments like these from both of them. hell, caduceus is the first person in the campaign to tell fjord directly that he loves him.

[ynisamenace]

Headcanons for Tamaki, Bakugou and Eraserhead being in a relationship with dom! black reader

a/n: hi guys, I’m so happy and so grateful for all the follows and notes you guys have given me over the past few days💜. I’m working on a part 2 of ‘Party for One’ but here’s some headcannons I made for the meantime.

Amajiki Tamaki

Tamaki has always been more submissive in general. He tended to be a pushover at times which makes it easier for people to mess with him, which makes his anxiousness skyrocket at times. 

That was until he met you. You became friends with him after he graduated high school, fresh faced and promoted at his hero agency. You caught his eye the first day he came to work at his new office and stuck with him finding his shyness adorable but also helping him improve in his confidence.

He was entranced by your beauty, the way your tiny afro smelled like (favourite scent) when you walked by him, your lovely voice greeting him every morning, the way your vibrant melanin-filled skin contrasts with his paleness; your constant presence made him develop a crush on you but he never had the confidence to tell you to your face.

You of course weren’t aware of his little crush and his jumpiness and nervousness with you because you thought it was just his normal anxiety. It wasn’t until you overheard him talking to his friend and co-worker, Fatgum that you realized what it really was.

After that you actively sought out Tamaki just to see him be so flustered by your presence 😏 but after a while you had pity on the poor boy and asked him out for coffee and it all went uphill from there.

Loves buying you flowers and dropping them at your desk before you come into work every morning. Seeing your face light up as you read the little notes he leaves you makes the butterflies in his stomach flutter. He just loves seeing you smile in general this man is so whipped😩

He asked you to move in together after the first 4 months of dating and although you disagreed at the time, after your 6 months anniversary and him basically pleading about it every 5 mins, you finally gave in cause how could you say no to that face🥺

NSFW below

As soon as you officially moved in with him, Tamaki before more affectionate... way more affectionate. Cuddles, kisses, squeezes; everything he could to show you how physically attracted he was to you.

The topic of sex comes up one day when you’re both on the couch, you on his lap and him trailing kisses down your neck. You’ve never gone past steamy make out sessions with eachother but it was clear that you both were very much ready to take the next step

Despite his shy demeanor, Tamaki is way more confident as well as loud in the bedroom. Loud whimpers as you trail your nails down his abs which turn into loud moans as you free his cock from his briefs giving him the best handjobs he’s ever gotten.

Tamaki sometimes does feel insecure about your relationship and about you having to have asked him out first, so he tends to overcompensate in the bedroom. This man is a huge power top. He loves making you feel good, he loves you telling him what to do and will do anything you ask with no hesitation.

Could eat you out for breakfast everyday if he could and definitely incorporates his quirk into it👀. Loves when you trap his head between your thighs it makes him feel warm. He loves when you tie him to the bed and edge him for hours on end while kissing his pretty tears away. He gets off on being vulnerable with you like that and has the most mind blowing orgasms once you decide to take pity on him.

Loves when you sit in his lap and let him suckle on your nipples while caressing his hair. Soft moments like that are what make him fall in love with you even more. Pegging also makes him fall in love with you even more, but more in a sexual manner. Looks at you like a goddess whenever you have his legs spread out, driving your strap-on into him so hard it makes his eyes cross.

Aftercare is so soft and private with you two. Untying his limbs from the bed, putting ointment and kisses on his bruises, cleaning him up with a wet rag and finally laying next to him on the bed, his face in your chest as you whisper praises and sweet nothings into his hair. God he was going to marry you one day.

Bakugou Katsuki

 Bakugou met you while in U.A High but didn’t start dating you until almost 3 years after graduation You had never interacted that much in high school as you always saw him as the immature, rash and not considerate of others feelings

  He gave off an air of someone commanding and who would never submit and you had never really cared for such men; the macho ‘call-me-daddy’ type men he actually did jokingly tell you to once when you guys were arguing which just made you steer clear of him more, angering him further.

 After graduating, Bakugou became more mature, choosing to develop himself into a better person than he was in high school, and became the no 2 hero of Japan, creating his own hero agency. You started working at his agency 2 years after graduation, you also steadily climbing the ranks of the hero world landing in the top ten heroes list. He began harbouring a crush on you soon after, looking for ways to finally confess to you but were still adamant on avoiding him, still believing him to be the same immature boy that he was in highschool.

  One day, Bakugou couldn’t take it anymore and cornered you in a hallway, confessing quickly while a light blush was dusted on his cheeks. He also apologized for the way he acted in highschool and basically pleaded to go on a date with you although he’ll never admit it lol

   After his confession, you both started hanging out more both at work and outside of work. He officially asked you to be his girlfriend after the third date when he came to your apartment to cook your favourite dish for you after a grueling day at work and you happily agreed as long as he promised to continue cooking for you which led to you two moving in together a year later.

  Dating the number 2 hero in Japan was not easy to say the least. Late night and early mornings plagued both of your lives, sometimes not being able to catch eachother at home at the same time for weeks on end. This led to arguments that turned into silent treatments until you both came to your senses and apologized to one another. He hates fighting with you, fearing you’ll leave him due to his occasional outbursts.

  When you guys do fight, he apologizes through gift giving and cuddles, since he’s not very good with words. Loves buying you brightly coloured clothes and jewelry that matches your skin tone because you look ethereal to him in them. Sometimes steals glances at you just to admire your skin and whatever protective style you’re wearing.

NSFW below

   You and Bakugou had a long talk before you both started getting intimate. Although he was more mature, he still didn’t want to be submissive in the bedroom as he thought it would make him less ‘masculine’. He kept refusing until you managed to wear him down one day, him grumbling about how stupid it would be.

  Oh how wrong he was because this man thrives off of your dominance now. A bratty power bottom, he loves making you put him in his place, which is always under you. Something about you having the confidence to ‘dominate’ the number 2 hero in Japan makes him melt. Is very much into cock and ball torture and just humiliation and degradation in general. Loves seeing you in leather cause it gives you that dominatrix look that makes him whimper

  Very teary eyed when getting pegged and loves when you grab his hair to pull him back and lick his tears away. But at the same time, loves when you mercilessly keep pounding into him despite his tears, choking back a sob as he orgasms for the umpteenth time.

  Is the type of sub that looks like a dom out in public but has a vibrating buttplug inside him during meetings as he glances to you as you smirk and turn up the intensity every few seconds.

  The biggest brat ever omg he will rile you up on purpose just so that you can punish him by locking him in a chastisy cage and riding his favourite strap on you put on him, all while denying him the pleasure of touching you. That’s when he begs the most, mind dumb and babbling nonsense until you finally let his pretty little cock out.

  Aftercare is in equal parts for both of you as sometimes you get dom drop after long sessions. He knows that it can make you feel guilty o sometimes regretful and makes sure to tell you how much he loves you after every session. You also reassure him that he is more than enough for you, limbs tangled together in bed as you doze off next to him.

   His lips curl into a little smile as he falls asleep as well, thinking of you and the engagement ring he’s yet to give you in his bedside drawer.

Shota Aizawa

 Aizawa had never actively looked for people to date. He felt like he had too much on his plate already with class 1-A and didn’t think anyone would be willing to date someone whose life was so hectic. So when you joined U.A as a new teacher in class in class 1-B, he didn’t bat an eye only glancing at you at times as you pass the hallway.

 Glances turned into stares which turned into thinking about you and how your mini twists framed your face so perfectly and how soft your skin looked and how your darks eyes drew him in and-

 Fuck

  Ok so maybe he did have space on his plate for dating cause duh look at you.  He asked you out by whispering in your ear during homeroom one day as he dropped off a stack of papers on your desk. You were taken aback by his boldness but accepted nonetheless. You didn’t know it, but Aizawa had fallen for you long before he got the balls to ask you out😏

 You dated for 3 years and lived together after 2 until you walked into the kitchen one morning and saw him on one knee, flowers petals everywhere and a small smile as he asks “Marry me?” You didn’t know whether to laugh or cry oh to be proposed to by Shota Aizawa😭

 He loves referring to you as his wife and loves when you come to 1-A to give him his bento box, even though he acts like he hates it. Let’s you in his sleeping bag for a nap in the break room, even though Present Mic comes in to annoy both of you most of the time.

 Melts when he sees you interacting with the kids in 1-A, even heard Deku slip up and call you mom once when you came to his class to greet him.

 Nsfw below

 Speaking of kids guess who has a big fat breeding kink. Even though you both know you’re not exactly prepared to have kids at the moment, the risk that comes with him making love to you raw turns him on. You definitely exploit his kink by telling degrading him, saying how he doesn’t deserve to cum inside you with his useless cock and that just makes him want to prove you wrong, rutting into you faster as he whimpers about making you feel good.

  Loves when you take him from behind and bend him on a surface and fucking him like a little whore, scarf stuffed into his mouth as a make-shift gag when he gets too loud. Especially when you do it on one of the desks in his classroom after hours, the embarrassment of a seeing a student sitting on it the next day making his brain fog and his cum leak out, painting the floor and the desk white as he spasms in your hold, tongue lolling out as you press him to the floor to clean up his mess.

  Is into somnophilia and has woken up many times to you bouncing on his cock, refusing to let him cum until you’re satisfied with the amount of orgasms he’s given you.

 Has definitely sniffed your panties before, even pocketing them into his dress pants and taking them to work with him, all so he can use them to fist his cock in the staff restrooms, panting like a dog in heat as sobs your name into his hand, secretly wanting to get caught by you.

 He loves your aftercare so much. Running baths for both of you, kissing the hickeys and scratches you left on him and letting him lay in your arms when his body gives out. Genuinely loves pushing past his limits with you because he knows he trusts you.

  Definitely the best husband and the best lover ever 10/10 would recommend.

Tags: @itzgabz22