#i also tagged sanders sides because i think this could work for a Roman-centric angst fic

[corals-corner]

For the fic title ask game: To Turn the World Right-Side Up

(Ripped directly from the title of one of my own fics because I can't think up a new one sorry XD)

Time to go on your Ao3 to look for that fic :)

With any fandom, it would be a single character trying to fix the world their in, and refusing any help because it was secretly them who drove their world to this.

Angst all the way :)

[thepenguinclub]

Hi, and welcome to my writing blog! My name is Meredith, but you can call me Mac or Penguin. I use she/her pronouns.

A little bit about me. I'm a minor, I have two dogs and a cat, I'm aromantic asexual, and I don't know if you could tell or not, but I really like penguins.

My ao3 is here, my main is here, and if you're here for my writing, you're in luck because that's all I post on this blog! As well as asks or any bonus information that has to do with said writing. My writing tag is #penguin writes.

This pinned post also operates as a writing masterpost, so that'll be under the read more. Have a good rest of your day. :)

Sanders Sides:

Name 'Verse

My ongoing oneshot series. This world is an afterlife au that also happens to be a zombie apocalypse au, and everyone does their best to thrive.

It's ongoing, but isn't my top priority so updates are sporadic. The good thing, though, is that everything is a self-contained oneshot, which means there are no cliffhangers. Even the multichapter works are only grouped for efficiency, not because they have an overarching plot.

Featuring romantic LAMP, romantic dukeceit, familial dark sides, platonic creativitwins and more. This series gets it's own masterpost, isn't that neat?

AO3 series ~ Masterpost

Teacher Virgil

My ongoing oneshot series in the universe that holds genius!Virgil, who ends up using his genius to teach a class of high schoolers. He also meets his soulmates. And helps out his students in many different ways.

All can be read as stand-alones and while the first part is Virgil-centric, the others are more focused on the oc high school students that Virgil has a major effect on, so he is a main character in those installments, but the other sides aren't. Still, they'd sweet and the ocs are to die for so I wouldn't knock it 'till you tried it.

AO3 series ~ Masterpost

#cuteboyfriendchallenge

A oneshot in a tiktok format, centering around romantic LAMP. What it says on the tin. It's very fluffy.

The oneshot: AO3 ~ Tumblr

Extra info: AO3 ~ Tumblr

And You Said We Couldn't Act.

A oneshot for Day 7 - Free Day of Analogical Week 2021. Centered around, you guessed it, romantic analogical. Also very fluffy. Virgil and Logan keeping their relationship a secret because they are Petty and the shenanigans that happen later.

AO3 ~ Tumblr

Their Society

A oneshot framed like a story idea, describing a universe where people can be powerful, powerless, or. Definitely read warnings for this one. No romantic relationships defined, a lot of this is up to interpretation.

AO3 ~ Tumblr

The Ups and Downs of Everyday Life

A simple oneshot centering around Virgil. Platonic c!Thomas & Virgil, platonic Patton & Virgil. There is a dog. Starts out angst-ish, ends with hopeful-ness. Inspired by this post.

AO3 ~ Tumblr

you're a peach, darling

A oneshot focusing on platonic dukexiety, from Remus' POV. Remus is a prince who doesn't want to be a prince, Virgil is a nomad who loves his life and his freedom. Angst, mostly, with a hopeful ending and hurt/comfort there at the end. Background romantic dukeceit, background romantic Roman/Logan/Patton.

AO3 ~ Tumblr

until parted by death

A short oneshot that sounds angsty and probably should be but is in actuality one of the fluffiest things I've ever written. Romantic prinxiety, Good Friends Janus and Logan, Virgil being anxious and then not, weddings, the whole shebang. Does contain main character death but there is -100% angst attached.

AO3 ~ Tumblr

the diner

A short oneshot that was a writing exercise and an excuse to write a lot of descriptions. Platonic DLAMPR, Janus POV. It's a good character study I think.

AO3 ~ Tumblr

this is nice! something's probably wrong.

A very very short fluff fest that has no angst whatsoever just some sleepy boys. Enjoy. Romantic LAMP, Virgil POV.

AO3 ~ Tumblr

floriography

Virgil vs. mental health, told through the language of flowers. There is nongraphic self harm, and a constant struggle with depression, but I'm quite proud of it and as long as the warnings don't bother you, I recommend. Brotherly Virgil/Remy, background romantic Remile, Virgil & Emile, Virgil & Janus, background platonic DLAMPR but the other sides don't make big appearances unfortunately.

AO3 ~ Tumblr

Merlin:

In a World of the Same, You're Different

A oneshot from Merlin's point of view, which is the point of view of someone cursed to be a dragon. And he'd really like to be left alone. The beginnings of romantic Merthur, it's heavily implied. The Knights of the Round Table are besties. Angst then fluff, hopeful ending.

AO3 ~ Tumblr

Harry Potter:

Happily Ever After

A oneshot that covers seven years of birthday presents from Harry to Draco. I'd say it's 90:10 fluff and angst, and my longest posted HP oneshot to date. Drarry.

AO3 ~ Tumblr

the monster's gone, he's on the run (and your daddy's here)

Harry drops out of the muggle world in order to find himself, and finds four children instead. His response? Guess I'm a dad now. Boogie woogie woogie. Small instances of angst but it's mostly fluff with a little bit of crack treated seriously in there. All platonic relationships between Harry and his kids.

AO3 ~ Tumblr

just a normal boy, with a normal life

A Harry Potter Miraculous Ladybug AU. Why? Because I can. Harry as Ladybug and Draco as Chat Noir. Developing relationship. It's a cute oneshot, what can I say. Platonic Drarry with some appearances from various friends.

AO3 ~ Tumblr

it's raining, it's pouring

This is soft and chill Drarry. No dialogue, short oneshot. Just them existing and being in love.

AO3 ~ Tumblr

dancing with our hands tied

My only current Jegulus work, this is a short oneshot that explores an AU where Regulus is a prestigous dancer and James is smitten. Open ending, allows the reader to continue the story. Implied/Developing Jegulus, mentioned other characters (Sirius, Dorcas, Evan).

AO3 ~ Tumblr

eras

My one and only chaptered work for HP so far, this is a canon divergent retelling of the entire HP series through the lense of Taylor Swift albums. Nothing super specific, but each chapter is a year of Harry's life as he grows up and develops along with the vibes of TS albums.

Chapter updates are whenever I get them done, so sporadically. Please be assured, however, that this fic will be finished, even if it takes me years (I do not plan on it taking me years).

AO3 ~ Masterpost

[emiisanxious]

Christmas Pain

Archive of Our Own Link

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories:

Multi

M/M

Fandom: Sanders Sides (Web Series)

Relationships:

Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders

Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders

Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders

Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders

Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders

Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders

Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders

Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders

Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders

Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders

Logic | Logan Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders

Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders

Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders

Additional Tags:

Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders

Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders

Crying

Grief/Mourning

Eating Disorders

Homophobia

Fight mention

Minor Character Death

Not described but mentioned?

Anxiety | Virgil Sanders-centric

Implied/Referenced Homophobia

Angst

Angst and Hurt/Comfort

Angst with a Happy Ending

Alternate Universe - Human

Summary: “Virgil hated the end of the year, he could almost say that he sad Season Affection Disorder by how much he hated the end of the year.

Meanwhile, all that his boyfriends want is to be there for him.”

Note: Meeeeee?! Want to self-project my hate for the end of the year?! Noooo never heard of her. Fun fact I asked who would hate Christmas in a discord chat and they all said: Virgil or Logan, more Virgil than Logan.

I tried to avoid self-project on him but oh well. Didn't worked.

So here we are! Although I should say, this fic is a bit of a messy end.

Tags explaining: Eating Disorder tag: Is just because he can't eat without feeling bad, but it just like one line so you can jump if you want. Homophobia and Fight Mention: Both are very briefly, and like two lines in different paragraphs.

Christmas, such celebration he wasn't looking forward to.

Roman and Janus were in recess from classes since it was Winter break. Remus, Patton, and Logan would take a full month of vacation so they all could be together. Virgil didn't have that much work since no parents would be crazy to let a kid alone during holidays that meant so much.

That wasn't the point. The point was: That Virgil hated that time of year.

As he walks towards the balcony he could see the cars passing by, could see the fairy lights decorating the houses. It was night, the sky was looking like it was going to snow, yet he didn't care at all if his jacket was going to protect him from the cold. All that he could see was the clouds forming and slowly moving in the sky.

He closed his eyes as he inhales the cold air. "What the fuck I'm doing?" Virgil was glad that no one was in the apartments today, mostly were buying their Christmas presents. So he was alone, biting his lower lip as he keeps his eyes closes.

"It's been... 18 years already... And I still can't stop mourning about those memories?!" He felt tears forming at the side of his eyes as he opens them, blurry lights as he closes them again. "What the fuck is wrong with me?!" Anger started to bubble within him as he tries to clean up the tears.

"It's okay to mourn..." Virgil could almost hear that voice, which did break him and sit down on the balcony. "I just... Wished it was easier..." He says quietly as he finally felt the tears rolling on his cheeks. "I just wished..."

"Viiiiirgiiiiil!" He could hear a voice call him, but he couldn't make who called him, wiping his eyes in a hurry as he got up and then looked down, looking that everyone was back. Roman was waving his hand. "We are back! We brought dinner!"

He couldn't find his voice to that, didn't feel like going down and neither to socialize with them right now, all that he could think was... About his feelings. "You can eat without me." He was pretty sure he said loud enough for them to hear as he goes back inside and lay down on the bed, hugging his pillow.

"18 years... Since they passed out... 5 years since her and 2 since her... Christmas was supposed to be so fun... Why?" He buried his face as he felt the tears come back this time he couldn't hold them down. "I just wished... It was easier to mourn."

He sobbed, he felt a snort on the pillow, gasping for air, his head started to hurt by how much he was crying. Hiccups as he tries to do all of them at the same moment, he decided it was okay to let go, he didn't care if he started to hyperventilate. He just cried.

He was so focused on crying that he didn't notice when gentle hands were pulling him in a hug, he didn't fight as he moved to rest his face on the other's chests, and his hand was clinging to their clothes. The crying getting uglier by that. Whoever was holding him, didn't mind as the person kept patting his back with one hand and the other was playing with his hair.

Virgil didn't know how much time passed, was it an hour? Or just a few minutes? Whoever was holding him didn't talk with him, staying in silence. But as the crying slowly stopped, he felt his eyes way too heavy to keep open, his head was pounding in headache. It was no surprise when he fell asleep.

But was a surprise when he woke up the next day, with the sun passing by the open balcony door and blinding him for a few minutes till he sits down on the bed, rubbing his eyes, confused as he waits till he is fully awake to take in what happened.

At his side, he could see Janus, still sleeping. He moves quietly towards the door in front of his bedroom door, where he finds Patton and Logan sleeping in the guest room. Moving to his living room he could see Roman laying down on the couch while Remus was sitting in the armchair, with his head dropping back. Virgil was pretty sure that the bodyguard was going to be having neck pain as soon as he woke up.

Moving to his kitchen he could easily pick up water and take some medicine for his headache.

"One step forward, in your own rhythm. No need to rush." He closed his eyes again as he felt the tears forming.

"Vee?" Janus's voice was quieter, probably to not disturb the rest of the sleeping man.

"Sorry... I..." Virgil's voice was hoarse, he wasn't sure at all why he was apologizing. Feeling hands over his shoulders he was moved again to rest his face on the eldest's shoulders. He also could feel Janus picking the glass and putting it on the table, where the philosopher walked towards the bedroom again.

Once he felt the bed hitting the back of his knee, he sat down sighing. "I... Can't... Celebrate Christmas... Or my birthday... Or even the New year... Jan. I just..." The caregiver did his best to try not to cry again, even though he could already feel the tears forming.

"Okay. It's okay if you can't. I can't speak for the rest. But I'm cool with that." Janus said as he looked at the ceiling. "Virgil, can you tell me why you can't celebrate this year? Because I'm pretty sure you celebrated it last year."

"I... Feel... Overwhelmed. My thoughts... My memories... I can't stop thinking about what Christmas used to mean for me and..." He had to stop, as a small sob passed by his lips.

"Oh... This is about... Grandma?" The eldest finally understood why he was so upsetting, purple hair just moving with the flow of shaky nod. "Oh, Virgil... I'm sorry." Janus says as he pulls the other back to his shoulders. "It's okay Vee. I swear. It's okay."

Then Virgil was back in sobbing, gasping for air, hyperventilating, crying out loud, feeling the snort and tears falling on the other's clothes. This time he also could hear the reassurance words that the philosopher teacher was saying. He barely had any energy, a few minutes of crying was enough for him to pass out.

-----

"But!"

He could hear yelling coming from somewhere, kinda distant as he rubs his eyes and sits down, by the amount of light getting in his room, he was pretty sure it was 3 pm. Since he could feel the warm light resting on his body. A big yawn as he gets ups and starts walking towards the living room, still with his eyes closed. "What is happening?"

They probably didn't expect him to wake up, that is what his brain was saying by the silence that engulfed his surroundings, making him open his eyes to realize that his boyfriends were sitting in a type of circle, probably discussing something. "Did Janus call me out, while I was sleeping?" He frowns a bit as he goes to complete the circle.

Sitting on the floor near the TV, between Remus and Roman. "No. I didn't. All that I said was that Roman and Remus should go try to do something, with their energy, because they can't stand still." Janus was a bit annoyed at that as he ran his hand by his red hair.

"And Roman and Remus were saying no. Because they were worried about you." Logan finished as he fixes his glasses.

"Kiddo? How are you?" Patton said softly as he looks at green eyes.

"Headache... Well, thanks Jan for not being like Roman." He smirks joking, although he was teasing they didn't understand that like that, making him sigh. "Well, I will cut it and be straight about it. I won't celebrate things this year. I don't want to celebrate my birthday, Christmas or New year. If you all want, you can do it, but I won't."

The twins looked confused at Janus, that didn't explain anything. Logan and Patton looked at each other without understanding, it was the youngest that asked. "Do it have a reason? You don't need to say if you don't want to. But it's kinda sudden for you to say that..."

"I... Jan...?" Virgil was hugging himself, pulling the strings of his hoodie, he was way too closer to cry again, and he didn't want to do that anymore, his eyes were red, and was stinging by how much he cried already.

"Right... This time of year is very special for Virgil, and it means a lot to him as we all know. But at the same time, it hurts him a lot. So while he has years where he can celebrate it, he also has years where he can't. This year is where he can't." The professor said as he looks at them. "And I think the last thing that Virgil wants is that we don't celebrate it. Because it would make him feel bad for spoiling the fun for us."

"That is..." Roman tried to say something, but Remus moved his hand to shut his mouth.

"Grandma?" The older twin said as he moves his hand from the younger. All that he got as an answer was a nod. "Okay..."

Roman sighed at that, forgetting his own excitement for Christmas a little he remembered two years ago, how devasted Virgil was because his grandmother passed away, everyone was there to support him, but it took months for the caregiver be able to be back at himself. "Fine. But you will at least accept the gifts? We already bought them anyway."

Logan and Patton frowned at that. "Kiddo, I don't think..." The vet tried to say but he was cut.

"I can... Although I will give yours next year." Virgil answered in a low tone. He didn't have any plans, he just didn't want to promise he would show up when he felt so... Bad. "Now that is done... Can you all... Leave?"

They all looked between them, not thinking that was a good idea, but finally, Logan and Patton was moving their hands. And so Remus, Roman, and Janus left.

"Virgil, are you sure that you want to pass everything alone?" The medic asked as gently as possible.

"No? But if I go, I will stay in a corner either ignoring you all or been sad and crying. So... No, I'm not sure. I'm not sure at all what I want to do, or how I'm feeling." Virgil was bitter and a bit angry while talking, hunching his shoulders forward as he pulls the hoodie up. "Just... I don't know."

"Oh, Vee, it's okay. You can tell us how you feel and what you want to do day by day. You don't need to rush and say you don't want to celebrate today, for now... How about you tell us what you feel for today?" Patton was pretty sure that the caregiver would regret it if he rushed his opinion.

"I... Okay... Fine... Right? Okay, I think I can do that..." Virgil wasn't sure at all what Patton and Logan had in mind, but he supposed it was good to make day by day.

That day Virgil decided to put on their discord how he felt, day by day if he felt like he could have people around he would write like: "I'm good with everyone." If he thought he couldn't deal with more than one he would say: "I'm okay, with one." Also, had days where he felt like he could only deal with one of his boyfriends, in those days, he would pop a message at the chosen one and say: "Can we cuddle?" And whenever he didn't felt like he could deal with any of them, he would just let it blank.

They all understood that his mourning was okay, and they adapted to that, his happiness and overall mental health was something to take very seriously. Day by day they adjusted and helped him, they wouldn't leave the house, and he would never get in Roman or Patton's apartment and that was okay.

-----

"I just, can we just... Stay awake... Playing things on PC, and call for some junk food? Till morning or we pass out?" It was his birthday, and he honestly didn't feel like staying alone, but he also didn't want everyone there. So right now they did a small plan, Janus and Logan stayed the morning with him, they watched some documentary while eating. Patton and Roman stayed the afternoon with him, they played Mario Kart and watched some Disney, also eat some food.

But right now Remus was there. "Of course!" As they go to the office where it had two PC. Mostly because Virgil and Remus's hobbies were playing games together and they could be louder.

The caregiver smiled at that, they played a lot, asking for pizza and a big portion of fries. It was fun and he almost forgot that it was his birthday. But at the same time, he felt okay with that. He did things he liked, he stayed with who he loved. They passed all night playing and eating junk food while laughing and sometimes yelling.

-----

"Are you sure about that?" Patton asked gently.

"Yes, go celebrate it, have fun." Virgil said sighing. With the younger's help, he was able to do something good for him to eat. He also had done grocery shop days before so he had snacks and drinks if he ever felt like it.

"Okay... If you ever wish to join us, we will be in Roman's home."

"Sure, thanks."'

The caregiver sighed again, as he closed his door. Looking at his home, he felt a bit empty, mostly because of the lack of Christmas Decorations when it was the holiday season. Instead, he walked to his bedroom as he decides to put up fairy lights around.

After that, he picked up some snacks and drinks watching movies in his notebook while covered in his blankets. Sometimes he would get distracted with the lights blinking, but for the most part, he was able to ignore.

Christmas eve, he could see that the darkness in his room growing, as he gets up to open the balcony door, the sky was blue with grey, probably indicating it was going to snow soon, as he smiles lightly at that. He only closed the glass door as he goes to eat and drink something.

When he got in the kitchen he could hear Roman yelling from his apartment, waves of laughter, even some music. Looking at his meal, Virgil wasn't sure if that was a good idea, not skipping the party, that he knew for a fact was better if he stayed there. But to eat...

Almost as soon he got something in his mouth he wanted to throw up, not because it was bad, but because he couldn't. Pushing things back to the fridge he drank some water and was already back in his bedroom. Pulling the blankets over him, trying to pass the feelings, the memories.

The memories of going to her home, it was the only family member who didn't mind him be gay and alter if he has five boyfriends. He endured the other's family members there, most of the time he stayed quiet in his corner with a headphone or helping her in general.

Then, the other parents would eventually start to get drank, that is when things always started to get worse, they would start to throw hate at how bad he was for being gay. And Virgil? He would stay quiet, mostly because his grandma was happy, was happy that he was there, was happy that he was at least partaking in the celebration.

The meals would be so good because she did with all her heart, they all would eat in silence, mostly because he was always at her side. She always makes sure of that, so he would be at least comfortable to eat, after that, he would help her again, taking the food and dishes back to the kitchen, washing the dishes.

Her grandma always said he didn't need to but he would do it, otherwise, he would go, even though he wanted to stay there with her. Eventually, he would also have to stop fights, while grandma wasn't around, picking up gifts; the other parents would start to argue about something silly, and Virgil always make sure to stop it, so when his grandma was back, everything was fine.

Sometimes he would receive a punch and be sore for the rest of the night, but he would always put a façade and smile at her when she was back with a gift. Her gifts for him was always special, normally would be gift cards for him to buy something he liked, others would be something she knew he liked like shirts, oversized hoodie.

While her gifts for others would always be something normal like blankets, towels, or some house item. That is probably one of the reasons the rest of the parents don't like him. Then they would stay till midnight say Merry Christmas and go home. She would ask him to stay and he would.

That is when Christmas always was more fun because she would start to bad talk about the parents, saying how bad they were and how annoying. He would laugh and say everything that happened there ignoring the punches he received, she would always apologize for them, saying that they were just a bunch of idiots.

Once Virgil asked why she invited them if she didn't like them.

"Because they are my family. I know that you can't see it and neither understand it. But they are, they are everything that I have. For more that I don't like them, they are still my brothers. Like you, you are my favorite grandson, you are a part of my family. I know that my son was horrible with you, but he is still my son. He is still someone I love, I still remember him like the child I created." She always had a sad smile at that.

"So, it's okay after I passed away you don't want to be near them, after all, they aren't your family. It's okay to mourn and be alone. Just remember to not let this stop you from doing anything, remember to move on in your own time. Know that at least you had one family member who understood you and loved you the way you were."

Every time they talked about it Virgil was always crying, clinging to her with his life. After that, he decided to record and take pictures of her during the celebrations, he still has those pictures and short videos, yet he couldn't watch them.

"NO!" He yelled as he buried his face on his pillow, he didn't want to remember, he didn't want to face the reality. The reality was...

He missed that, he hated his family who were homophobic, he hated he had to deal with the fights, arguments, hate threw towards him. But he loved that constancy, he loved her food, he loved the small parties after they all were gone. He missed that, he missed that magic she did, where only during the dinner time they would be nice to him.

Once she asked for him to bring his boyfriends there, after that day, the six of them always would be there at least once a week. She loved them and adopted them as her grandson that day, it was funny, it was good. The next Christmas the six of them would be there, it was so much better not have to deal with everything alone.

"Stop... Stop please..." He cried loudly as he starts to hit his head with his fists. "I don't... I don't wanna..." He turned to look at the fairy lights blinking. "I wanna decor a Christmas tree... No... Please stop..."

"Virgil?"

He looked startled at the door, he didn't realize when Roman got in, flinching back on the bed. "When?" His voice was broken, he wasn't sure what happened, so he was confused as he looked at him.

"You yelled No." The writer walked quietly and slow at the bed, sitting on there and holding a hand. "My love, can I?"

Virgil looked at the hand and then to Roman, launching himself on the other's arm, he then started to cry again, now finally understand why his voice was broken, he was yelling, sobbing, hiccups as he tries to breathe. He had a horrible headache because of that, but his boyfriend didn't seem to mind it.

After what seemed an eternity, he was finally able to calm down when Roman smiled. "We are going to Remus's apartment now, you are coming with me."

"What?! No! I..."

"It's okay Virgil, honestly. Let us help you, you already proved that staying alone isn't doing any good to you. So lets us take care of you. If that doesn't help them, we will let you alone again, okay?"

He thought about it for a few minutes, Roman didn't seem to mind the silence and thinking, just holding him and rubbing his back. "Okay..."

The writer smiled as he helps the other get up, after that he picked the black with purple patched hoodie and thrown for the other, soon both went down the stairs, where Virgil was the one to open the door, soon he blinked in surprise a few times.

Yes, it had a tree to symbolize Christmas, but the decor was rather out of season, as everything was related to pumpkins, black cats, dried flowers, and sticks. "What is this? Halloween in Christmas?" He smirked as he looks at them.

"Yes! Exactly!" Roman said beaming behind him. "So, let's celebrate ~! Remus has a karaoke, and later we can watch The Nightmare Before Christmas and Black Cauldron."

"Honestly, it wasn't good. Celebrating Christmas without you..." Patton said shyly as he fidgets with his cardigan sleeves.

"It was like... Missing an important part. So... Remus had this idea, Janus helped, Logan and Patton, got the food and drinks here. And I went to get you. Is this okay?" The writer was playing with the hem of his shirt, not sure if they did well or not.

Virgil got inside the apartment taking the decoration and at them, his shoulders relaxed as he jumps on Remus's lap hugging him. "It's okay. Thanks." Sure he couldn't simply forget about his grandma, sure as hell, his head was aching from so much crying.

The older twin got surprised but held the other, chuckling. As the second-youngest smiled. "Group Hug!" Remus says as he gets up with Virgil and soon enough Patton and Roman were hugging their sides. And Logan and Janus were the last hugging them.

But... Maybe celebrating Christmas wasn't bad as far as he had his boyfriends

[tzaphki]

Blog Mechanics! :D

Originally titled “Quick Rundown of Blog Mechanics! :D” but if you read the whole thing you’ll see why I changed it.

In this rundown we will discuss prompts, tagging, organization (with a subsection on ship organization), warnings, ratings, and what you won’t see.

Prompts:

Prompts are found by using #prompts. All prompt lists have a second tag, which is the name of the list. When submitting a prompt, use the name and the number of the prompt. If you want to be extra sure the right prompt has been received, you can write the prompt out in the ask. Prompts can also be of your own creation, of course.

As for ships, if you do not know the name, especially for poly ships, it's totally okay and encouraged to just write Character A/Character B/Character C (romantic pairing) or Character A & Character B (platonic pairing).

If there is a specific prompt that you would like to see in a pre-existing universe, be sure to include the name of the verse, typed out or abbreviated.

Here is an exemplar example of a prompt ask:

FLUFF 18 "I wish we could live together already," Virgil/Janus/Remus, NLOL

This translates roughly to: "I wish to request prompt eighteen - "I wish we could live together already" - from the FLUFF prompt list for the Virgil/Janus/Remus ship, specifically in the New Lease On Life 'verse."

Organization:

#prompts: Use this tag to find a prompt you would like to submit!

#not mine: Fan works that I did not write but enjoyed and would like to share.

#tzaph made a thing: All fan works I did write.

#rambles: I’m talking about either something that probably isn’t important but might have context clues for a project in it or problems I have encountered while working on a project.

#tw (trigger): Anything triggering will be tagged so if need be you can block the tag.

#angst: The sad pieces that stay sad (for that post at least).

#hurt/comfort: Pieces that are hurt/comfort.

#fluff: The happiest, most tooth-rotting thing ever (for that post).

#angst with a happy ending: It’s sad but it gets better (but it’s really sad before it gets happy).

#angst fluff: It’s a toss up as to which is more but they’re both there.

#mina made a thing: All fan works Mina wrote.

#belt boi speaks: Mina’s version of #rambles.

#sanders sides fanfiction: Sanders Sides fics.

#bnha fanfiction: BNHA fics.

For the sake of my sanity, works are tagged with a fandom as well as subcategories of the fandom tag.

Fandom Organization:

Oh boy this is gonna be fun.

Within the #sanders sides fanfiction tag, we have the following (this is going to be long, there are so many of them, I am so sorry):

All pairing tags (except for #creativitwins) are typed as they appear below and are prefaced by romantic, platonic, or familial but there are already so many it would be cruel to everyone for me to triple the list. Yes, I tag it twice.  I could not find ship names for a large number of the poly ships so if they look like random letters mushed together I swear they made sense at one point.

#emile picani: Any work that has Dr. Emile Picani in it.

#janus sanders: Any work that has Janus “Deceit” Sanders in it.

#logan sanders: Any work that has Logan “Logic” Sanders in it.

#patton sanders: Any work that has Patton “Morality” Sanders in it.

#remus sanders: Any work that has Remus “Creativity” Sanders in it.

#remy sanders: Any work that has Remy “Sleep” Sanders in it.

#roman sanders: Any work that has Roman “Creativity” Sanders in it.

#virgil sanders: Any work that has Virgil “Anxiety” Sanders in it.

Ship time I guess.

#analogical: Virgil/Logan

#anxceit: Virgil/Janus

#creativitwins: Roman & Remus

#dukeceit: Remus/Janus

#dukexiety: Remus/Virgil

#intruality: Remus/Patton

#intrulogical: Remus/Logan

#loceit: Logan/Janus

#logicality: Logan/Patton

#logince: Logan/Roman

#moceit: Patton/Janus

#moxiety: Patton/Virgil

#prinxiety: Roman/Virgil

#remile: Remy/Emile (This one is only a side ship, I don’t write Remile-centric because I am not familiar enough with the characters yet)

#roceit: Roman/Janus

#royality: Roman/Patton

If you can’t tell I like lists in alphabetical order. :/  Also we’ve definitely reached the ones I made up on the fly at 3 AM.

#analoceit: Virgil/Logan/Janus

#analogicality: Virgil/Logan/Patton

#analogimus: Virgil/Logan/Remus

#analogince: Virgil/Logan/Roman

#anamoceit: Virgil/Patton/Janus

#anaroceit: Virgil/Roman/Janus

#anaroyality: Virgil/Roman/Patton

#anxceitmus: Virgil/Janus/Remus

#intrualiceit: Remus/Patton/Janus

#intrulogicality: Remus/Logan/Patton

#intrumoxiety: Remus/Patton/Virgil

#loceitmus: Logan/Janus/Remus

#logicaliceit: Logan/Patton/Janus

#logincality: Logan/Roman/Patton

#logince & intrulogical: Logan/Roman & Logan/Remus

#loginceit: Logan/Roman/Janus

#prinxiety & dukexiety: Roman/Virgil & Remus/Virgil

#roceit & dukeceit: Roman/Janus & Remus/Janus

#royaliceit: Roman/Patton/Janus

#royality & intruality: Roman/Patton & Remus/Patton

Oof these are bad but not as bad as the fives.  :/

#analoceitmus: Virgil/Logan/Janus/Remus

#analogicaliceit: Virgil/Logan/Patton/Janus

#analogicalimus: Virgil/Logan/Patton/Remus

#analogimus & analogince: Virgil/Logan/Remus & Virgil/Logan/Roman

#analoginceit: Virgil/Logan/Roman/Janus

#anamoceitmus: Virgil/Patton/Janus/Remus

#anaroceit & anxceitmus: Virgil/Roman/Janus & Virgil/Janus/Remus

#anaroyaliceit: Virgil/Roman/Patton/Janus

#anaroyality & intrumoxiety: Virgil/Roman/Patton & Remus/Patton/Virgil

#intrulogicaliceit: Remus/Logan/Patton/Janus

#lamp: Logan/Virgil/Patton/Roman

#loginaliceit: Logan/Roman/Patton/Janus

#logincality & intrulogicality: Logan/Roman/Patton & Remus/Logan/Patton

#loginceit & loceitmus: Logan/Roman/Janus & Logan/Janus/Remus

#royaliceit & intrualiceit: Roman/Patton/Janus & Remus/Patton/Janus

The strangest things I have ever written (ship names not ships themselves) are in a list below.  Warning: the first one may eat your brain cells if you try to pronounce it.

#analogicaliceitmus: Virgil/Logan/Patton/Janus/Remus

#anaroyaliceit & anamoceitmus: Virgil/Roman/Patton/Janus & Virgil/Patton/Janus/Remus

#dlamp: Janus/Logan/Virgil/Patton/Roman

#lamp & analogicalimus: Logan/Virgil/Patton/Roman & Virgil/Logan/Patton/Remus

#loginaliceit & intrulogicaliceit: Logan/Roman/Patton/Janus & Remus/Logan/Patton/Janus

And of course, my very favorite...

#drlamp: All the boys, platonic Creativitwins.  (Janus/Logan/Virgil/Patton/Roman & Janus/Remus/Logan/Virgil/Patton)

Disclaimer on the ship list: Once I get more comfortable with Remy and Emile, they will likely be incorporated into this list, greatly increasing the length.

Of course there is our newer #bnha fanfiction tag, which thankfully has a shorter list.

Tagging:

If anyone is interested in being tagged, I will keep a list/spreadsheet of everyone who wants to be tagged and for what content they want to see.  All you need to do is message me and I’ll put you on the sheet.  :)

Warnings:

I will use the Ao3 warnings in addition to things I know can be triggering.  If I miss anything on any piece I ever publish, tell me!  I will be so thankful and will fix it ASAP.  Anything triggering will be tagged with #tw (trigger).

Ratings:

Here’s my rating scale:

General: I might say crap or maybe even damn, piss, or ass.  There won’t be much if any violence or highly triggering content.

Teen and Up: I may go so far as to say f*ck once or twice, but the language is mostly PG-13.  Might have higher amounts of violence and/or trigger content.

Mature: Bets are off.  No smut.  However, language, violence, appropriately tagged triggering content, and that sort of stuff is likely to be there.  I will always tag everything I can think of that could be triggering, and as always, tell me if I miss something.

What You Won’t See Here:

You will never, ever, EVER, see anything anti-LGBTQ+, ableist, racist, anti-Semitic, misogynistic, etc from the author or in the comments.  If I see it in the comments, the user who said it will be blocked, this is the warning.  I hate blocking people, but this is a tolerant space, and I’m not tolerant of intolerance, bigots, supremacists, or people who are purposefully mean to people just trying to live.

It is possible, however, that some of those aforementioned things will be in a story, and it will be appropriately tagged (I’d say scout’s honor but I was never a boy scout).

No arguments in the comments or with me. No one wants to read an argument. If you really want to argue, you can DM me.

I don’t write smut.  I just.  I can’t.  It’s too weird to me to write, I try not to write about things I don’t know about and as a very single, very asexual person it’s not something I’m familiar with.  

I don’t deliberately write unsympathetic sides.  Sometimes someone might be an asshole (not too often these guys are kinda baby animals in people bodies), but I don’t do unsympathetic.  Here’s why.

These guys all have Thomas’ best interests at heart.  But sometimes, they get confused or they just don’t know how to help.  It’s sort of like doing bad things for a good reason, but you didn’t mean to do anything bad.  You did it on accident.  Mistakes happen.  They’re trying their best.  And because they are trying their best, I write them as sympathetic.

Off the topic of this serious stuff, you probably won’t see another super dense, super long post from me again unless it’s a story.

I’m so sorry this was so long, it got away from me.  But I got everything I could think of out, so the purpose was accomplished.

[emiisanxious]

Under Pressure

Archive of Our Own Link

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Category: M/M

Fandom: Sanders Sides (Web Series)

Relationships:

Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders

Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders

Additional Tags:

Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders

Unsympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders

In a small part he can sound like that...

Angst

Angst and Drama

Kinda of...

Implied/Referenced Suicide

Blood and Injury

Blood and Gore

Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Needs a Hug

Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders-centric

Dukexiety can be platonic or Romantic

Although was wrote as romantic

References to Depression

Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders is a Good Friend

Summary: “Remus did a big mistake and now all that he wants is that his memories shut up about everything. He doesn't want to remember, he doesn't know how to fix it. All that he knows is that he was a dick, a big one.”

Note: You now... My immortal from Evanescence? For some reason, I was hearing that music, and my brain was like: "Hey! It sounds like nice and good music for you to do a Dukexiety, where Remus is the angst one!" Also didn't think too much about the plot, so... This is your warning. You now... My immortal from Evanescence? For some reason, I was hearing that music, and my brain was like: "Hey! It sounds like nice and good music for you to do a Dukexiety, where Remus is the angst one!" Also didn't think too much about the plot, so... This is your warning.

For once, his side of the imagination was... blank. Nothing, no monsters, no dark forest, no burned villagers, no dead bodies, no zombies, just the pure white, his castle and the guards gone, everything has gone. For once, his room was clean, no weird mucus left by his octopus, no blood splashed, just a black with green walls, his bed, and furniture.

He was sprawled on his bed looking at the ceiling, it had a purple night star decorated as he remembers why it was there.

"Remus... Do you think... That Thomas will accept me?"

"Oh, Vee... if he doesn't at least I do accept you. Here, let's cuddle looking at the ceiling."

"Oh! That is cute!"

"That night, where your insecurities were all around, you were so scared, that night I changed my room it was the night with purple and blue on the ceiling, bright stars. After that... I decided to let those night lamps there. It seemed to calm you down. But also... It remembered me that I helped you. That I was more than just Intrusive Thoughts..." He sighed tiredly.

He felt like he was fading into nothing, he did a mistake and for once he was blaming himself. For once he knew... That nothing would be back to what it was... Closing his eyes he turned on his stomach as he hugs his pillow. "I can still remember that..."

"Vee, please open the door."

"That is bad..." Janus said in a sigh, he knew that Paranoia was having a bad day, just... didn't think it would be that bad. Normally he would open up by now. "Virgil, please? Open the door."

"Vee..." Remus's voice was above a whisper. "Hey I know my brother is a dick, I know he meant everything he said because like me he is impulsive, it hurts a lot, but come on... I'm not him. I know better than him. I know I'm the last person you want to see now, but at least let Janus help you?" The reason Paranoia has been so broken right now was because of the second video he showed up. Roman was a dick. But right now? That didn't matter.

In a few seconds, they would hear a click and the door opening. "Okay..." Janus passed by the door getting inside. But for more than Remus wanted to get in, hold Virgil in his arm he couldn't right now. Anger bubbled as he steps back, a small smile as he looks at the door closing again. That was good enough for now.

His mind was weird, why he was remembering all those times?! They had good times as well! He knows he messed up but, why his mind was trying to comfort him with all the times he helped Virgil?!

"Hey bro" Roman voice's was outside his door, knocking. "Are you good there? Your side of imagination is still blank..." Liking or not, they still tried to be brothers, they still tried to get along, even though they were so much different and often argued for everything. Roman could be very a worried brother when he wanted.

"I'm fine... Just..." His voice died, everything seems to hurt so much, he just wanted to fade and disappear.

"Remus, if you don't get up and do something, I will tell him!" Roman's voice got desperate, as like that was the last string. Most because Remus was like that for a month now.

"NO!" Remus was surprised by how strong and loud his tone came out, coughing for that a couple of times. "Just no... I messed up. I..." He trailed off again.

"You know... He will figure out eventually. Just come on Remus. Get up. I will let some food here okay? Try to eat."

"Thank you..." That was all he could say before hearing Roman walk off. It was weird, but he guessed that it had something about not having monsters for Roman to adventure on the Imagination and not having the light or inspiration to work on something. Light...

"Remus your castle is so good." Virgil smiled as he looked around, he liked the place, it was different from the rest. Obviously, it was still Remus's way, the castle seemed more like a terror one, spider webs around the place, broken mirrors, black curtains, and as well white cloths in furniture that weren't used. "I liked it a lot!"

He always felt something warm and bright inside him when Virgil compliment's his creations. Was something good and he loved it. "Come-on then! Let me show the rest!"

He sighed as he finally got up from his bed, he honestly should eat something as opens his door, it was like Roman knew he wasn't going to eat right away because of what he saw? Was protein bars, a bottle of water, and an apple. He smiled at that as he gets the things inside starting to chew on that.

For once his mind was so blank, that he just stayed there doing nothing. Confused thoughts passing, memories sometimes nice others not so nice. A long sigh as he just throws himself on the bed again, as he finally gave up.

"You're moving with them?!" He didn't want to sound angry, but he was hurt.

"Like I have a choice! Thomas is in the process to move my room! He said he wanted to accept me... I can't change that Re." Virgil's tone was silent, he had ducked out because his fears got the best of him and he couldn't help, most because Virgil was shutting him down.

"But Roman hurt you! Like a LOT!"

"I know but I can't do anything Re..."

"You can! You can say no to Thomas. You can stay here!"

Silence. A long and sad silence.

"Remus that is wrong..." Virgil bitted his lower lips harshly as he talks.

"But you can! You can say to Thomas no, and stay with me! Stay with me and Dee. You don't need them! They never did you good till now, just because you tried to duck out they want to accept you?!"

Another silence, but this time Remus kept going. "They don't need you. Roman told this all the time, you weren't needed there. He didn't like you, so why are you doing this?!" He wasn't been logical, no he was saying things that he hoped would hurt the other, so Virgil would stay there...

It was a big mistake because it just pushed him far...

Tears were falling silently, as Virgil's face showed how hurt and disbelieve he was. "At least, they understand my decisions! At least they aren't trying to guilty me! Over something, I can't control! At least they are trying to change and love me! At least they aren't hurting me so I could stay with them! I thought... No... That is it. I'm leaving."

"Paranoia!"

"NO! I'm not that anymore. I'm Anxiety now."

Remus couldn't do anything to stop that, because he did a mistake... A huge big one.

He closed his eyes angry, it seemed like someone stabbed his heart, it seemed like someone cut him in all his body, but it wasn't real... What was that?

Laying down on his bed just looking at the ceiling, reviving memories of the past, feeling like his body is cut in all the places and directions like his veins exploded and blood was all over him. His head blank of everything, could he just fade and disappear? If he asked Thomas, would he kill him? Ah... How he wished that.

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along

Note: I may, or may not have a way or an idea to end this with a Happy ending. Just not sure if I want to... So let me know what you think.

[emiisanxious]

Changes

Archive of Our Own Link

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warnings :

Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: Gen

Fandom: Sanders Sides (Web Series

Additional Tags:

Morality | Patton Sanders Angst

Morality | Patton Sanders-centric

Kindaish... because it can lose sight of it but it's mostly Patton Centric

Angst

Comfort/Angst

Kindaish more in the end than in the middle tho...

Ambiguous/Open Ending,

Summary: “Traits creations, but more importantly Patton is the blamed one to separate them, although he felt bad, really bad about everything. But he was doing the right thing, right? Right?!”

At the age of 2, Fear was created, the fear of the unknown, the fear of being alone, the fear of the new, although he was young and not strong, he still felt a lot of fear of a lot of things. That is how he showed when he needed a change of diaper, a bottle. Because he felt scared, raw emotions that were what he was.

At the age of 3, Thomas created conscience, he was learning all types of things, that created his logical side, his moral side. But at that age, he didn't judge what was right or wrong, all that he knew was that he was learning, to be logical and how things worked.

At the age of 4, he started to learn what was right and wrong. What would win compliments, and what would win time-outs. That is also when he started to learn how to self-preserve himself. Sometimes with lies, other's times just hiding. Was also in this time where he started to be creative, drawing more, singing more, talking more.

At the age of 5, things... Started to change. He started to associate right and wrong with good and bad, that is when fear, started to feel more... scared. Funny enough, that is when the mindscape started to change. Creating two commons rooms, one for the conscious another for the subconscious. They all stayed on the conscious sides.

But with time, it was clear that Morality who took the right and wrong responsibility started to divide them. He was sure he was doing what was best for Thomas, he asked for self-preservation, who was changing to be lying to go to the subconscious and stay there. He couldn't ask fear to change for there, but right now? He let a trait alone.

He felt horrible, but it was the right thing to do, right? Thomas's mother always said that lying was bad. Other traits were born at this time, but all of them were classified as bad ones, that is how the seven deadly sins joined the subconscious commons room.

At the age of 6, creativity split in two, because of the right and wrongs that Morality was doing. The more good one stayed with them, when Patton, Morality had a name now, brought a baby green trait down.

"Deceit? Can you stay with him?"

"Oh, if it's not the all might Morality. What honor I received for your illustrious presence?" He was sarcastic as he speaks.

"He... Can you stay with him? Creativity split in two..."

"Oh, sure, because of your view of Black and White." He lost the teasing and sarcasm as he picks up the baby. "Lust, my dear, can you come here?"

A voice was heard and soon a salmon color trait was there. "Can you stay with him till I'm done with Morality?" "Sure!" Lust was happy as she picks up the baby and went inside with the others.

"You know Patton? I hope someday you will see that what you did, was totally wrong. I hope someday, Thomas himself will fix this. And when this time happens I want you to know, that I was right. The world? Isn't Black and White, Right or Wrong. Lie, can be good at certain moments. I want that when it happens, you will feel miserable and horrible. I want you to remember this exact moment. You were the bad one." Janus's voices were acid but serious as he says that. "If you don't have anything else. I'm leaving."

He felt horrible already, but he couldn't, he couldn't accept it! Thomas's mother was always right! If she said that it was bad then it was bad!

The next change was with fear... At the age of 10, fear changed. It was more right to say he was merged with the subconscious. No one understood what brought him to merge but he did, Logic, Morality, and Creativity were now alone in the conscious side.

2 years later, at 12, another side was created. This one was different, he was... Fear? But not the like who merged two years ago, it was more for society also he thought a lot of what if and bad cases scenarios. He was always jumpy and scared of the traits, that is when Patton decided to bring him to Deceit again. This time he felt worse than ever but wasn't about the right or wrong, it was because, if the previous fear was merged with the subconscious maybe this fear is supposed to be there.

Again Deceit asked for Lust to pick up the kid, and yet again he repeated all his previous speech, but he repeated a phrase for the third time before he disappeared. "The world? Isn't Black and White, Right or Wrong."

Morality felt horrible, was he doing a bad job? Was he doing something wrong? He couldn't know. He wanted to believe that he was doing good. He was following what Thomas's mother wanted. Be good. And be good means be nicer to others, be smart and study, create nices things, was also good to be in the theater and even the things that Roman was writing! Help others and do good deeds.

So why? Why Deceit's word always hurt him so much? Why he was doubting himself?! What he was doing wrong?! Wasn't he a father? Thomas always said that he was one, so... Why Deceit's word was so harsh?

Years passed, he could see that the fear he brought to Deceit, changed to Paranoia, the kid seemed to be freaking out about everything. It was starting to be so bad, that Morality honestly though in asking for medicine. But, before he could do anything, Deceit shut his mouth, always, always when he tried to talk with the other sides to bring the idea, his hand would move to his mouth.

After the fifth time, he just dropped, instead tried to reason it with Logan, try to calm Thomas down with reassurances, and asked for Roman to counter it with nice images and things like that. That was when Paranoia changed again to Anxiety.

Then they started doing Vine, later the Sander Sides videos, Anxiety got in the videos and vines more often, they had to interact more with him. Liking him or not, him been a The Other, or part of the subconscious they had to.

But... For Morality? Yeah, he looked at him as a bad guy in the start but as they passed the time with Anxiety... He learned with him, he got to know him better... And that is when Morality understood, it hit him like a star falling from the sky and falling in him. All these years, he was... Been wrong.

Deceit was right, as they grew up the guilt ate him, the guilt of labeling things as right and wrong, but he never truly understood it... Now when Anxiety tried to duck out he finally understood... He was the wrong one...

But, he could try to fix it right? He could try to be better! Of course, it would take time, after all, it took more than 20 years for him to notice his mistake. He hated the guilt, he hated to do that but... He knew the right thing to do when you were wrong? Say sorry. Say you were wrong and accept any consequences that come with it. So... It was a matter of starting.

"Virgil?" Was still weird for Patton to say that name, as he just learned it, yet soon Anxiety was opening the door, disheveled, he could see another trait inside. "Deceit?" It was a surprise to see him there.

"Wow, the might Patton." Deceit's voice was full of acid, acid whose Morality had to agree now that he knew, that it was full right in be there.

"Sorry for interrupting, I can come another time." He rushed as he tried to walk away.

"Patton." Virgil's voice was gentle yet had a weird echo. "Come back."

And he couldn't deny that, as he turned again and was back to the purple door. Still, he didn't know what he should say, or how to say it.

"Deceit, I want you to sit there." Anxiety's voice had this tempest tongue, some that Deceit couldn't deny as well and so he just sat on the end of the bed. "Morality, I want you to sit there." And soon Patton was sitting on the chair near the desk. "Now, say what you want to say." Virgil closed his door.

He took a deep breath, as he tried to recollect his thoughts. "I'm sorry Fear. I pushed you to merge with the subconscious, I pushed you to live with The Others when I knew better that you weren't... bad. Yes, I know you aren't fear anymore, but... I should know better. When you ducked out today I... Realized. What Deceit had been warning all those years ago. The world, or the mind in this case... Isn't it just... black and white. Or right and wrong... I... Don't know how to fix this. I don't know what I should believe anymore... I know just saying sorry isn't going to fix anything. But I guessed... The only thing I could do now... Was say sorry and promise that I will try to change..." Patton's tone trailed off, he was getting emotional, but at least he was able to say it.

"Deceit, I'm sorry... I'm sorry for ignoring you, I'm sorry for pushing you away, I'm sorry for think you were wrong all this time, I'm sorry... Like I said... I know that no matter the amount of sorry it won't fix things... But I want to fix this!" Morality was trying to be brave and embrace whatever the other two were going to say, as he falls silent.

Janus was looking to Virgil and then Virgil to Janus, both thinking about it. Deceit was the first one to talk. "I don't accept your apologies. No, I'm not lying. You pushed us far away from Thomas, you forced Virgil to duck out twice now. And that can't be forgotten, some of the seven deadly sins also merged with the subconscious. I lost my family... The family that you denied. But yeah, you can change, you can fix things. And we will work on that."

A pause, Janus was thinking as he looks to Virgil again before turning his eyes to Patton. "But not now, we will use the Sander Sides videos to fix things. To guide for a better understanding with time. First though... You will need to fix things with Virgil. He was the most hurt on your behavior."

As his cue to talk, Anxiety just sighed as he sits down on the side-table next to his bed. The echo was still in his voice as he speaks. "You... fucked up way too much. Don't, you are in my room, I can curse as much as I want. You fucked up way too much Patton, although you thought you were right. For you? Yes, you were right, for anyone else? No. As it was said, no amount of sorry will fix it." He took deep breathes, trying to calm down.

A few seconds later he was back to his more gentle tone. "Yes, I'm still fear, although I changed. Yes, I was recreated, a thing that only you and Janus know. Because I think Logan and Roman were busier at the time to recognize that baby. But honestly? You messed up so much that I need to agree with Dee. We are open to help you fix it. But with slow and torturous cuts. I will help with the scripts of the Sander Sides, so we can progressively make up. I will say when it's okay to show up The Others because they need time to think about this. But Patton?"

He took his time as he looked at the other. "You already started the process. You came to ask for forgiveness now it's just time. And I really hate to work hard, Dee, can I let all the talk with them with you?"

"Of course, it's not likely they see me as a mother. Even though it obvious you were the father of all of us." Deceit smiled, lowering his head in respect.

"Shut up... That was years ago, I like to play this role I'm now." Virgil smirked as he looked at the yellow trait.

"So... What should I do?" Patton asked unsure as he looks at them.

Silence, as Virgil and Janus just sighed at each other. "Let's create a story, I will talk with the twins and plan this out with them. At the start, I will plan things just with Roman and Logan to help plan better. When The Others accept that they can accept that you changed, I will ask Remus to join in and slowly build up the story for them starting to show up. It will be scripted, but, at least we can have something to focus on and to prove that you want to change."

"That... Will help the guilt disappear?"

"No... That probably won't help that. You were the core of the emotions, but a few videos ahead we can try to make a video to deal with sad emotions, after all, Thomas just finished a long-term relationship he will need it... With this said... How about we all go to sleep? It was a long day..." Virgil yawned as he proposed that.

"I will go talk with them... For now, glad to know you're okay Vee." Deceit got up as he started to sink out.

"Yeah... See you." Was all that Virgil said before laying on his bed, looking at Patton who was still there. "You know... You will start to get corrupt if you keep here..."

"I know... But... Can I... Vee... I feel so bad..." Patton who stayed most of the time quiet, started to let go as Janus left, as he slowly started to sob and feel the tears fall. "I know it's unfair for me to... break down in front of you... Since I hurt you a lot... But... Oh, Virgil... What I have done?!" He was angry at himself, he was mad at himself, right now he didn't mind in be corrupt if he could let go of all those feelings.

And Virgil definitely didn't mind, as he understood that Patton was a nice person, who most of the times just shut down his not good feelings, it would be good if he could let go right now, so they could work with that. "Come here..."

He sat down on the bed as he waited for the other and soon the other was there, laying his head on the purple's trait lap. The tears, the sobs, the gasps everything got worse but Virgil didn't mind, saying in a soothing voice. "Just... Let go Patton. Tell me everything."

And he did, he did tell how horrible he felt, how it was a big weigh having to decide everything, how the expectation was always taking his toll on him, how he didn't like it, but at the same time, it was the right thing to do... He just told everything. While crying and breaking down.

All the time Virgil just stayed there, hearing. Because right now he couldn't help, or even comfort right. After all, fixing that would take time... And only with time is that everything would be better. Right now? He could just hear it and hope that everything would change for the better now.

Note: Yeap, something inside me makes it more sense that fear [or in this case Virgil] was the oldest one, mostly because when someone relates him to fear, it makes more sense to me that he was the first one. But I hope I explained it fairly well, if not I can and maybe I will; rewrite this fic in the future with more details or even more emotions.

Oh, also this fic exists for the pure purpose for me to clear my conscience of Patton LOL. Because I read some unsympathetic and it crushed me. So yeah... Maybe I will rewrite it in the future. But I liked this concept. I'm ranting sorry lol.

[onthevirgeofdestruction]

Dreaming While I Wake

Sanders Sides Foster Care AU - Roman-centric Angst & Hurt/Comfort & Abuse Recovery

Roman tries to be upbeat and hopeful despite all the shit that’s happened to him. And a lot of shit has. Luckily, his new foster home is with two literal rays of sunshine (and a sarcastic asshole). 

Chapter 10

chapter 1 for new readers - ffn mirror

tags: @bunny222

  Virgil took very long strides on the way to campus this morning. Roman was lucky he was quick, because Virgil has long-ass legs. It was a few blocks away, not really a terrible walk. Roman hated being up this early, though. He and Virgil didn’t even sign to each other. Roman was pretty sure Virgil would also give anything right now to go back to bed, just based on his glower and the way he kept seeming to lose focus.   Roman wasn’t doing any better. Roman kept yawning and accidentally tripping on uneven parts of the sidewalk. Virgil didn’t even make fun of him. Roman hadn’t known him that long, but Virgil never missed an opportunity to until now. Mondays, maybe. Or just mornings. Roman wasn’t sure it mattered. Maybe Virgil was mad at having to show Roman the way to campus early. He didn’t seem to care when Thomas asked him to, though. But Roman didn’t have the best read on him. The parts of the night he managed to sleep he had his patented nightmares again, so it just a step above complete insomnia.   When they got to campus, Virgil quickly veered off down a hall without waving bye as Roman headed to the front office. The exhausted-looking administrative personal looked up when he stepped in.   “Um, Roman Reinhart?” Roman said warily.   “On the right, first door on the left. Councilor's office,” She said, pointing behind her to the hall on the right, not looking away from her computer screen. Roman nodded and shuffled quickly down the hall, peeking through the cracked open door.   “Oh, Mr. Reinhart?” The man at the desk asked. Roman nodded and stepped in. “Alright, we’ve just put you in the core classes that we had spots left in based on the transcript from your last school. You just have to pick your electives. You can keep taking art if you like, there’s room in the class. This school doesn’t have Latin, so you can’t keep taking that one. There’s no room in Spanish II this semester year, but you can take it next year. You only need two language credits to graduate. Colleges like a balanced transcript, so trying something new wouldn’t be a bad idea. Pick two,” The councilor handed Roman a piece of paper with the remaining available electives. Roman just stared at them, dumbfounded. He didn’t know what he was interested in and he wasn’t even sure he’d be here long. Roman looked up at the counselor, looking at him expectantly and somewhat annoyed.   “Um, yeah, art, and uh, choir?” Roman said, picking the first thing that came to mind before the councilor got mad at him. The councilor took back the sheet and typed at his computer in silence while Roman sat there awkwardly. He probably thought of choir because of what Patton said. Maybe if Roman signed up for the stuff Patton wanted him to, he could… that was probably too much to hope. It was just a gut decision. But he could give it a shot. At least he could know if he liked choir or not before they kicked him out. It’s not like he was doing stellar in Latin. “Uh, I’d like to do cross-country, maybe? I’m sure I missed tryouts. How would I join?” Roman asked tentatively.   “Ask the PE teacher after class. You’ve got PE just before lunch, so you should have plenty of time to get it sorted out,” He said, continuing to work on his computer. After a few more uncomfortable moments, the ancient printer finally spewed out a class schedule.   “Here you go, kid. Maps and school calendar are on the wall in the front office. You’ve got about a couple minutes until the first warning bell goes off, so try to familiarize yourself with the map. You’ve got 8 minutes between classes to get where you need to go. Here’s your locker assignment. There’s no room in the sophomore locker hall so you’re with the junior lockers on the second floor,” He handed Roman a little slip of paper with a combination on it and the locker number.   “The teachers should already know to expect you, except for in art and choir. If you just ask them your seating assignment before the bell goes off and you should be golden,” Roman nodded and stepped back out of the office to grab the map off the wall and start trying to navigate this monster of a school. —   Roman sighed and picked at his school lunch as he sat alone at the edge of the cafeteria. He’d met some nice people in his morning English class, but they didn’t share his lunch period. Roman wouldn’t mind eating alone so much if it didn’t look like he was literally the only person doing it. He’d done this a million times before, so he knew he’d eventually find a friend group to tolerate him. But the first few weeks always sucked. And the food sucks. This breadtangle of pizza was soggy and gross, and what even was on these green beans? Why were they slimy? The texture of everything was pretty disgusting. He’ll need to ask Virgil what’s edible here before lunch tomorrow.   The PE teacher told Roman to come after school to practice to try out, and Roman kind of looked forward to that. They didn’t meet every day and the PE teacher said anyone who could run under an eight-minute mile could join. Roman had never timed himself before, but he was pretty certain he could do that. It would be nice to do something he was okay at for a change instead of always fucking up. He was still nervous about choir later this afternoon, but he knew he could run. You don’t have to try out for choir or anything, but he still didn’t want to find out he was a bad singer. It was probably a poor decision. Stupid impulsiveness.   Roman’s stomach turned as he forced down the food. It was vile, completely, and the texture was a nightmare that made his skin crawl, but he couldn’t throw it out and waste food. He still had some free time before the next bell, so he went to go sit outside. He needed some fresh air for the nausea from lunch. The cafeteria was really loud, and it was wearing on him, too. Roman sat back under a tree in some weird wood chip garden and took a deep breath of the autumn air. It was at least a good thing it wasn’t too far into the semester so he could catch up easier. But he will have an unbearable amount of homework this week. Roman leaned back and closed his eyes, trying to get a brief rest before lunch was over. —   Roman stretched out nervously. He was in kind of tight jeans and not exactly prepared for this, but he was just supposed to run with the others, keep in his lane, and clear 8 minutes, and then the PE teacher would make her decision. The regular-track kids were also here, and they were staggering start times to share the space. Roman watched football practice on the field while the track kids started off. He took a deep breath and joined the cross-country kids as the starting lines, waiting for the teacher’s whistle to take off.   Roman started running at the whistle, and some kids took off much faster than him, but Roman didn’t want to tear these pants. They were possibly just trying to show off, because they slowed down as the group turned the corner, and Roman pulled ahead with a smirk. He got a glower from one of the ones he passed, but the other held up his thumbs and looked pretty excited. As he turned the final corner, Roman ran faster to try to make sure he stayed under 8 minutes. Another two kids beat him to the finish line, but the exact middle of the pack was a good sign.   “Roman! 5:48!” The PE teacher called, walking up to him while he caught his breath at the edge of the track.   “What, really?” Roman smiled. He probably could keep going, too.   “You’re welcome to join if you’d like,” She said, sounding excited. “That’s an impressive time for a newbie,”   “I, yeah, yes,” Roman stammered.   “Well, go ahead and queue up with the same pack to run it again slower, and come to my office after practice so we can get the paperwork. You need parents’ permission to join so I’ll need you to bring back a signed form. You can drop it off during PE tomorrow or the next meet on Wednesday,” She said and Roman nodded excitedly and walked over with the pack.   “Hey, congratulations, dude!” One of them smiled. “I’m Toby,” He drank some water. Roman didn’t have the forethought to bring water out and felt like a thirsty idiot.   “Roman,” He smiled brightly.   “You’ve got pretty good form, did you run at another school?” Another boy asked. “Seth’s the name,”   “No, just a, uh, hobbyist,” Roman said as dismissively as he could manage.   “I can tell from the fact you’re wearing jeans,” Another boy scoffed.   “I didn’t expect to be able to try out as soon as I asked,” Roman rolled his eyes. “Maybe you should worry how fast I’d go with practice,” Roman smirked. Seth and Toby laughed.   “Yeah, chill out, Nolan. Roman’s new,” Toby said, patting him on the back.   “Ugh, whatever,” Nolan rolled his eyes and started stretching out again.   “That’s Augustine, call her Aggie or she’ll tackle you. The last one is Julie. She thinks she’s better than all of us so don’t bother talking to her,” Seth, Toby, and Aggie laughed and Julie scoffed.   “I am better than all of you,” Julie flipped him off quickly and went back to stretching.   “So why’d you pick cross-country over track?” Seth asked.   “Tracks get boring. I’m an urban runner if anything,” Roman shrugged.   “Same. We practice on a track pretty often and I get sick of it quick. Other than running around campus, they bus us out to a hiking trail or send us back to the obstacle course sometimes, unlike track, though,” Seth shrugged.   “An obstacle course?” Roman’s face lit up.   “Yeah, dude, it’s pretty cool. It’s splinter city, but it’s a pretty big course. Some other schools in the district even come out here to use it,” Seth smiled.   “We have a friendly competition about obstacle course times if you’re interested,” Nolan smirked mischievously.   “He’s literally never run it before, it’s not fair to him,” Toby rolled his eyes.   “No, I’m interested,” Roman said, eying Nolan suspiciously.   “It’s nothing major. Loser accepts any dare the winner chooses,” Nolan said with a small shrug.   “Shit, dude, that’s fine by me,” Roman laughed. He’d probably do any dare he was given anyway, he had shit impulse control and was very aware of that fact.   “Cool,” Toby laughed, and they walked to the track to wait for their start again. —   Roman’s mouth was dry as hell by the time he got back to Thomas and Patton’s house. He chugged some very metallic water from the fountain after practice, but he had that whole paperwork thing, and then jogging back defeated him. Lita barked excitedly as Roman came in. Roman bent down to scratch her head and made a bee-line to the kitchen to chug some water.   “Roman? Is that you?” Thomas called.   “Mm-hmm,” Roman grunted between gulps of water.   “I was surprised not to see you come in with Virgil,” Thomas said, walking into the kitchen.   “Patton told me I should try out for cross-country or something,” Roman said, pouring another cup of water.   “Oh, did you?” Thomas asked curiously.   “Yeah,” Roman breathed. “I don’t want to bother you or anything but there’s stupid stuff to sign so I can join,” Roman kicked his foot lightly into the tile.   “Oh, you passed the tryouts?” Thomas beamed. “Congratulations! I’m happy to sign a permission slip. Oh, we should probably get you some running gear. Did you really run in those jeans? I’m surprised they didn’t rip,” Thomas asked, sounding concerned.   “It was kind of a last-minute decision,” Roman huffed. “I don’t need anything,” Roman rubbed his arm awkwardly.   “Roman, half your clothes barely fit you from what I’ve seen,” Thomas said critically.   “I had a growth spurt at 14 and I probably will again soon,” Roman said dismissively, backing up a bit.   “That doesn’t mean we have to wait until your clothes don’t fit at all,” Thomas frowned. “Virgil, back me up here,” He asked Virgil as he walked past them to the fridge.   ‘About what?’ Virgil signed. ‘That Roman is an idiot?’ Roman rolled his eyes.   “I don’t think he was listening,” Roman took another drink of water.   “That Roman doesn’t need to wear clothes until he explodes out of them like the hulk,” Thomas said emphatically.   ‘That’d be cool to see, can you do that?’ Virgil signed, and Roman laughed.   “He’s not backing me up, is he?” Thomas huffed. Virgil saluted them and left the kitchen with a drink and chewing on something from the fridge.   “I think he’s on his own team,” Roman chuckled. “You just got me some clothes, it’s fine,”   “We got you two outfits worth, Roman, and if I knew most of your shirts were nearly see-through, I would have pushed for more,” Thomas frowned.   “I- I don’t…” Roman trailed off.   “You don’t what?” Thomas asked, leaning against the counter and looking at Roman in a way that just unnerved him.   “I didn’t… I don’t,” Roman stammered and drank his water nervously. He couldn’t say it. He left the kitchen. Thomas doesn’t want to hear it.   “Roman?” Thomas asked, following him. Roman headed upstairs and closed himself in his room. Thomas didn’t follow, luckily. Roman didn’t want to disappoint him again. He thought running would be free and just need to bother them one time. He didn’t realize the clothes were such a big deal. Roman leaned against the door and dropped his backpack on the floor next to him. He slightly pulled his hair as he ran his hands through it.   Roman slid down against the door and held his knees close to his chest. He didn’t have to join cross country. He could probably still back out. The sheet isn’t signed or anything. He wanted to make Patton happy, but Roman was used to being a disappointment. It was better than being a burden. Roman sighed and got up, picking up his backpack and dragging it to the desk. He had a shit-ton of homework to do and didn’t have time to mope. —   “Want to help us pick what to make for dinner?” Patton asked through the door after a quick knock. Roman rubbed his eyes, uncrossing them after looking up from his textbook.   “Too much homework. I’m fine with whatever,” Roman called back and glanced back down at his textbook. He fought the urge to just bash his head into it to try to force it into his brain physically.   “Maybe you should take a break, kiddo,” Patton replied. Roman managed to bite his tongue before he said he was fine again, but he did literally bite his tongue and it kind of hurt. He held open his mouth and felt it pulse slightly, but it didn’t taste like it was bleeding. “Roman?”   “Ah bit mah tongue,” Roman tried to reply. “Sorree,”   “Is it bleeding?” Patton asked with concern through the door.   “Nah, jus’ hur’,” Roman said and took a big drink of water. “Is good,”   “Can I get you some ice water for it?” Patton asked.   “No, is already fadin’,” Roman said and took another drink.   “Okay. I’ll come get you for dinner, then. Let us know if you need help with your homework,” Patton said.   “Kay,” Roman called back and rubbed his eyes again before getting back to catching up to the classwork. Why can’t teachers all use the same syllabus so Roman doesn’t have to do this all the time? Roman sighed. His eyes hurt from reading all this shit. Packets at least are the easiest way to do classwork and some of his teachers game him some. It’s like a scavenger hunt for answers in the textbook. What he wouldn’t give for some skittles right now, though. He was running out of steam. He was just going to finish this page and take a break. There was no way he could finish all this tonight, anyway.   Roman came down the stairs and waved awkwardly to Thomas as Roman passed his office. Thomas didn’t notice him, though. He headed into the kitchen, instead.   “Hey, are you okay if I take Lita on a quick run?” Roman said, pulling a water bottle out of the fridge.   “Go ahead, kiddo. Sounds like a nice break,” Patton said, stirring something savory smelling on the stove. Lita was wagging her tail brightly at Roman’s feet and made a very cute noise when Roman reached for the leash on the hook.   “Who’s a marvelous girl,” Roman cooed and scratched behind her ear before hooking up her leash. “See ya,” He waved to Patton before being nearly yanked out of the house by Lita.   Running in the cool evening air was much nicer than any other time of day. Lita was boisterously bolting as fast as Roman would let her go as usual. She stopped at the same stop sign and fire hydrant again. Dogs really were creatures of habit. Humans, too, probably. Roman kind of wished he had that kind of stability to get habits. He got a cute photo of her hopped up on a rock and barking at a squirrel up in the tree that threw something at her. She growled and Roman gave her leash a few gentle tugs and she jumped off and walked away from the squirrel angrily.   They settled back into a run after she was done fuming about the squirrel’s audacity. Which was very funny and lifted Roman’s mood a bit. The run helped clear his head, though not much. He probably should have thought to try running for fun instead of for work before. It was nicer than just working out in his room. Having a dog to run with was likely what made this nice, though. They turned the corner and Roman pushed himself to sprint as fast as possible to squeeze that last bit of run out of Lita. She raced excitedly up to the door, panting happily as she came inside. She trotted happily to the kitchen to get some water, and Roman followed.   “We’re back,” Roman said to Patton as he passed to the fridge for more cold water.   “Hey, there, kiddo! Did you have a nice run?” Patton smiled.   “Yeah, weather is nice outside right now,” Roman said and enjoyed some water. “Check out this photo I got of Lita yelling at a squirrel for throwing an acorn or something at her,” Roman said and pulled up the photo on his phone.   “Oh!” Patton cooed. “She’s got such an angry little face!” Patton squatted down to pet Lita. “Did that mean old squirrel assault you?” He rubbed her head and neck between both hands and Lita wagged her tail in a wide arc and licked his hand. Patton got up to wash his hands with a smile. “Send me that, wouldja?”   “Oh, sure,” Roman shrugged and sent it to Patton, then washed his hands right after him. “Do you need any help with dinner?”   “Nah, I’ve got it,” Patton shook his head and went back to cooking.   “Um, let me know if you do,” Roman mumbled and left the kitchen. He really didn’t want to go back to homework just yet. Dinner smelled good, and he was feeling lazy. Roman flopped down on the couch with the family laptop, opting for Minecraft. He probably didn’t have enough time to play the adventure game for long, but he could play creative mode for a bit.   Virgil came downstairs while Roman was working on his mansion behind a waterfall and leaned forward on the couch, watching Roman build as he laid across the couch with the laptop.   “You need the laptop or something?” Roman asked, trying to turn his head to see the answer. Virgil stuck his arm out to sign ‘no’ almost like a hand puppet. Roman shrugged and went back to placing the carpet pattern. Virgil stayed and watched, which was unexpected. Mostly because Virgil was willingly standing within three feet of Roman. He’d probably bolt if Roman made any sudden moves. Roman would, at least. Roman gave him a confused look, but he just shrugged in response. Virgil just watched quietly as Roman kept placing blocks.    Roman was putting vines on some marble pillars when Patton interrupted him.   “Dinner’s ready,” Patton called from the kitchen. Roman saved and quit while Virgil headed into the kitchen. Whatever it was, it smelled good. Roman put the laptop back on the side table and went to go eat dinner.