#i also saw the new mean girls for my birthday and am kind of obsessed w renee rapp in particular

[yangjeongin]

since @miyawaki tagged me on THIS blog and mary has left me unsupervised i will do one of these goofy tag games over here for once 💞

shuffle your on repeat playlist and list the first 10 songs that play, then tag 10 people ✨

time to subject everyone to my music taste everyone should listen to these songs btw:

move it or lose it - the home team

revenge party - mean girls cast (from the new movie i'm not typing all their names)

sand - dove cameron

hold on tight - aespa idk how this is on here

not my fault - renee rapp & megan thee stallion

attitude - fromis_9

o.o - nmixx

i see stars - mean girls cast....

someone gets hurt - renee rapp this is also from the mean girls soundtrack help

snakes - miyavi & pvris (from arcane)

i'm too lazy to tag ppl but if you see this and want to do it go for it consider yourself tagged 💓

[bvidzsoo]

Love Me Like A Rockstar (13)

ー☆ Chapter 13: You Know Me Too Well

Author: bvidzsoo

Pairing: Song Mingi x female reader

ー☆ Warning: cursing, usage of the word 'bitch' ー☆ Word count: 6.5k ー☆ Genre: university!au, enemies to lovers!au, rockstar!au ー☆ Rating: sfw ー☆ Summary: Love. You wanted none of it. You had already been heartbroken very badly once, you didn't wish to go through that ever again. But the Universe works in intricate ways and, somehow, you found yourself webbed up in a local rockstar's life, Song Mingi. He was everything you expected him to be, yet nothing like you imagined him he would be. What happens when you find mutual understanding and have heartful conversations? Will he be able to break down your walls? Will you be able to chase away his darkness?

A/N: Well, well, lovelies...new chapter is up and maybe I'm kind of kicking my feet??? Who knows, we'll see what y'all think of this chapter hehe. Also, happy birthday to Song Mingi?! I actually didn't mean to post the new chapter today, but today was the only day I had enough time to write it sooo, yeah. Tmi, but MC's mother is exactly like my mom, so maybe I drew inspiration from real life lol, I love her to death but sometimes I really wish SHE DIDNT SPEAK lol. Also, I'm so obsessed with today's song for the chapter; I'm screaming, crying, throwing up over it LOL. Just a heads up, next chapter is the last like actual chapter of the series and then I decided to add an epilogue lol cue the sobbing. As per usual, listen to You Know Me Too Well before or while reading the chapter! I hope you enjoy and let me know through feedback hehe <3 Enjoy your weekends! divider

Taglist: @orshii @or5i @lovely-red2 @scarfac3 @juicy-red

@sunaswifes-blog @voicesinmyhead-rc @teez-the-time @maru-matt @kyeos4ng

@deathbyyeekies @chicksmoothie @mjlbn01 @xhexy @tmtxtf

@hwashiningstar @thatfavouritesong @ateez-atiny380 @xciiiomwliah @vixensss

@catchingskzzzs @tesssaurrr @ginger-mingi @mingisbbg

⟨Series M.list ↭ Previous Chapter⟩

♫Playlist♫

            Saturday (2:55 pm)

Me: mingi can we talk?

Saturday (8:30 pm)

Me: i am free whenever you say so just let me know and i’ll be there

            Sunday (9:15 am)

Me: we need to talk, mingi.

            Sunday (12:08 am)

Me: please hear me out im sorry

Monday (current time)

            “Do you think he’ll slam the door in my face?” The hallways were buzzing with life as I tried to veer my way around the crowd of students without running into anyone. Today, out of all days, I just so happened to have my last class of the day in a completely different building and at least a good five-minute walk away from the arts building.

“It’s what you’d deserve, to be fair, but—” The was a gasp on the other side of the phone and my eyebrows furrowed as Seulgi muttered something to someone, muffled, “sorry, Wooyoung almost dropped my mother’s favorite vase, I told him to take off that blindfold.”

Eyebrows furrowing even deeper, I abruptly stopped walking, making a girl give me a heated glare that I didn’t care for, “Why is he blindfolded? Wait! I actually don’t want to know.”

“We were playing hide and seek with his niece, you idiot, but I got bored and sneaked away when I saw you calling.” Seulgi’s voice was exasperated and I chuckled as I took off again, leaving the science major’s building as I nuzzled further into my thick scarf. Some days it was warmer, but most days it got really cold and I hated it. I couldn’t deal with the freezing weather, perhaps it was my biggest enemy after Jeong Yunho, “Anyways, as I was saying, you deserve to be ignored by Mingi, but knowing how big of a sucker he is for you, he’ll probably give in before you can utter a single word.”

My heart jumped at the thought as I gnawed on my bottom lip, cutting off the path as I hurried through the grass, uncaring that I was probably destroying the work of the gardener. Besides, the grass had barely just started growing out again, it would be fine, “You think so?”

“I know so.” I heard Wooyoung’s high-pitched voice shouting from the distance and my eyebrows furrowed as I realized Seulgi had probably put me on speaker. Now that was a bit awkward, “He’s an idiot, but he’s in love. Now that I come to think of it, you two are a lot alike, two idiots in love—”

“I believe your niece is looking for you, babe.” Seulgi cut her boyfriend off and I was thankful because I don’t think I could’ve handled hearing him say the words ‘in love’ again. That was scary, even just the thought of it. I was barely coming to terms with liking Mingi, but hearing the word love sort of made me want to turn back around and abandon my whole plan of trying to make peace between the two of us. And Seulgi knew this, thankfully, because she didn’t say anything about it again, “Are you on your way to his studio right now?”

I hummed and curled my fingers tighter around the thermos bottle, my nose cold from the weather as the arts building finally came into sight, “Yeah, three minutes and I’m there.”

“Good.” Seulgi sounded content and I sighed as I tried to ignore the dawning anxiety that tried to crawl through my body and make me abandon my well-thought-out plan. I had to do this. Seulgi and my mom were right, I couldn’t mess this up again. I liked Mingi, a lot. He is a good guy and I shouldn’t let my past and my fears dictate my life. Yes, Mingi is Yunho’s best friend, but Mingi isn’t like Yunho. Hopefully, “Update me later then, I love you Y/N, I hope you know that.”

I chuckled and nodded at the security guard as he was out of his cubicle, standing at the bottom of the steps, smoking his cigar, “I know, thank you for knocking some sense into me.”

“We’ll see about that later.” Her snort was amused and I shook my head as we said our goodbyes, the warmth of the building making me sigh out in relief as I entered through the front doors. I pocketed my phone and unwrapped my scarf from around my neck, greeting the familiar people I crossed paths with. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t feeling nervous at all, after all, I didn’t know how Mingi would react. If he was anything like me, he wouldn’t forgive me so easily. Not when I’ve hurt him again and in the worst way possible.

As I ascended the marble stairs, I found stability in the thermos bottle clutched firmly in both of my hands now, its weight helping me to keep my determination and focus on going through with my own plan. When I woke this morning and went to take a quick shower, I was surprised to hear my mother’s singing and smell the delicious waft of pancakes, making my stomach growl loudly as I didn’t have dinner the night before. It seemed like my mother had taken a day off, grumbling something about her deserving a day to rest after she was almost choked out by one of her mentally ill patients. I couldn’t help but agree with her as we sat at the table in silence, enjoying our breakfast, that is until she cleared her throat loudly and stood up, fetching a mug and a cup from the counter next to the sink. I froze when I realized she was handing me the cup Mingi had designed with funny looking chicks on it, and I was even more confused when I realized it wasn’t coffee I was drinking, but hot chocolate.

“So, what are you going to do about that handsome fella?” I tried not to groan or regret the fact that I told her everything about Mingi. I took a tentative sip of the hot chocolate and realized it wasn’t hot before taking a bigger gulp as I enjoyed its sweet taste.

“I’ll talk to him today—”

“Great!” My mother didn’t even let me finish as she sprung up from her seat again to fetch something from a cupboard, “It’s amazing how strong our maternal intuition is, I swear my starlight, you should make some babies soon.”

“Mom.” I groaned as I watched her curiously as she took a blue thermos bottle from the cupboard and filled it with hot chocolate from the kettle, “We’ve had this discussion many times before, I’m not having children so young.”

“You’re not that young though.” She sent me a sheepish smile as my eyes widened, feigning hurt.

“I’m turning twenty-three?! How is that not young?” She cleared her throat as she sealed the thermos and walked back to the table to sit down.

“I’m just trying to inspire you, anyways,” She huffed and then placed the thermos on the table and pushed it towards me, “Bring this to him as peace offering, he’ll love it. Trust me.”

“I don’t think what Mingi needs right now is hot chocolate—”

“Finish your breakfast and shut up.” My mother didn’t let me finish as she cut off a thick part of the pancake with her fork and forced it inside my mouth, making me groan, “Mothers know best when it comes to stuff like this, be thankful I’m saving your relationship and be back before lunch. I’m ordering take out, and I certainly am not waiting for late your ass if I’m hungry.”

I knew fighting my mom was fruitless, so I just grumbled an okay as I tried to chew the pancake she had forced in my mouth, my cheeks all puffed out. My mother seemed content that I finally wasn’t talking back to her and I shook my head as I pulled the thermos bottle towards me, reminded of the time when Mingi had brought me tea knowing that I would be feeling probably a little sick after getting all soaked in the cold rain and harsh wind.

So, now, with Mingi’s clothes in my tote bag and the thermos filled with hot chocolate in my hands, I couldn’t help but feel optimistic despite the anxiety gripping at my thoughts. If my mother, Seulgi, and even Wooyoung—who knew Mingi like the back of his hand—were convinced that everything would work out just fine, then why would I not believe that? Sure, Mingi was probably still annoyed at me, but I didn’t think a few apologies and even more explanations couldn’t fix the issue at hand. All I had to do was be honest and come clean with my feelings and he’d probably do the same and then—that’s where anxiety stepped in. Then what? Was I ready to pursue a relationship? Did Mingi want to date me? Did I want to date him? Why did it have to be Jeong Yunho’s best friend I was into? Why could I not move past my fears and stop associating Mingi with everything I was wounded by, when he never once made me feel like Yunho did? I could dwell on these thoughts for an eternity, I fear, but I didn’t have that time right now. And to be fair, I didn’t want to think of such things right now because I could feel my determination wither the closer I got to the music majors’ floor, heartbeat loud in my ears.

I stopped at the end of the hallway and took a deep breath, eyes settling on the studio I knew now was used by Mingi only. Wooyoung was nice enough to tell me the number of his studio—not that I had forgotten since the last time I was here—and he also let me know that it was used by Mingi only, the teachers having granted him full access, even at hours when students were supposed to be at home. It seems so Mingi was a favorite amongst the teachers, and I could see why. He was diligent and hard-working; his lyrics were beautiful and nothing would stop him from fulfilling his dream of becoming a well-known rockstar. I couldn’t help but feel excited at the prospect of that, and hoped that I would be part of his journey, that he’d let me back into his life.

Steeling my nerves and trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel, I knew there was no turning back. I wanted to do this, I had to do this. I had to stop sabotaging myself, and so, I marched down the hallway towards Mingi’s studio with a newfound hope and determination. Which lasted about five seconds as I came face to face with Mingi’s studio door. There was a small window on it, which would let you know whether the room was occupied or not, and it was straight across the desk where he was sat at—with the blonde girl standing right next to him. And that should have been okay, because really, Mingi could talk to whoever and spend his time also with whoever he pleased. And it’s not like I didn’t have male friends—I didn’t, Seulgi was my only friend—it’s not like he couldn’t speak to one of his fans. After all, he’s made it clear she was nothing more than a fan he appreciated for helping spread the word about his band.

But then, why was her hand on his shoulder one second and the next second slowly trailing down the sleeve of his beige cardigan—which looked like it was messily stained with paint—and certainly the way my good disposal dissipated and was overtaken by blind jealousy and rage had nothing to do with the sudden possessiveness that shook me to my core. And perhaps the thing that bothered me the most wasn’t even her feeling up Mingi’s arm as she looked down at him with sultry eyes, perhaps it was the way Mingi leaned back in his chairs, legs spread wide, and smirk on his lips as he looked up at her with his sharp gaze, allowing her to touch him. Perhaps that’s what sent me over the edge as I barged inside the studio in the most unceremonious way, making the girl yelp in fright and Mingi flinch as his eyes widened.

『Baby, you're all that I want

I want you all to myself

Oh, but you know me too well』

And when I was angry—or panicking, or hurt—all rational thoughts flew out the window as I was led by nothing else but pure instinct and a shit ton of unclear and not so necessarily nice thoughts. Simpler put, I wasn’t thinking nor making sense, but I couldn’t care less as I glared at the both of them while I struggled to mask the fury licking at my veins. They were both looking at me wide eyed, as if I had caught them doing something I wasn’t supposed to, and that made me snap before I could think through how to proceed with this whole shitshow, “Get out.”

For a second, even I didn’t recognize my voice as it dropped a few octaves, fierce gaze set on the blonde girl as she paled, eyes scrambling between Mingi and me as, suddenly, Mingi seemed to snap out of whatever scare I had given him by slamming his door open and into the wall. God, I hope I haven’t actually damaged it, because I certainly didn’t have the money to pay for it right now. I couldn’t look at the blonde girl anymore, heart beating fast in my chest as Mingi and I made eye contact, his eyebrows set in a deep frown as he had a sneer on his face.

“Excuse me?” God, even her voice was annoying. I looked back at the blonde girl and raised my eyebrows at her mockingly.

“Are you deaf?” I chuckled, but it was humorless, “Do I need to repeat myself?”

She huffed, looking offended—rightfully so—and I gritted my teeth as I stepped inside the studio, making it pretty obvious that I wasn’t going anywhere before this bitch left. I tried not to see red as Mingi’s hands balled up into fists or the way the girl snickered, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

“You’re the one that’s barged inside uninvited, sweetheart,” And if I could have, I would have ripped her blonde strands out, “this isn’t your fucking studio, so, shut up. Mingi wants me here, maybe you should leave.”

I bit my bottom lip to stop myself from laughing, somewhere deep in my mind realizing I looked absolutely psychotic and if Mingi didn’t hate me before, he certainly would hate me now. I wasn’t helping myself; I was making everything worse—just the usual, then. But this bitch wasn’t stopping me from getting what I came here for, and I hummed as my eyes fell on Mingi again, who’s jaw was clenching and unclenching. His sharp eyes were narrowed, but it seemed like he wasn’t saying anything anytime soon and that only pissed me off more.

“Sure,” I nodded and walked further inside, forcefully throwing my tote bag on the small couch against the wall on my left, making the contents of it spill out. I watched as both Mingi and the girl looked at the clothes, and Mingi’s expression flashed with something unreadable for a second, “Mingi wants you here.”

I suppose neither expected me not to stop until I reached the desk, coming up on Mingi’s left side as I slammed the thermos bottle—albeit too harshly—against the desk, a loud bang echoing in the room. Mingi’s eyebrows furrowed as I opened my mouth to tell the girl to leave again, but suddenly, he was up on his feet, staring me down. The height difference wasn’t that great between the two of us, but suddenly I felt small under his heated glare and sneer that seemed to settle on his lips, broad shoulders intimidating as he lowered his head just a little bit. He looked nothing like the Mingi I had gotten to know over the past few months, and it made my heart race as I realized I might not be able to reason with him today, “What the fuck is your problem, Y/N?! You tell her to get out when you barge in unwelcomed, and then start demanding for her to leave—”

I couldn’t even let him finish his sentence before I was firing back my argument, “Oh, what’s my fucking problem?! Maybe the fact that you lied to me?”

“About what?!” Mingi snapped, eyebrows furrowed as he took a step towards me, his body big enough to make the blonde girl not be seen behind him.

“Oh, be for real.” I scoffed and rolled my eyes, “You never show anyone your songs to? But you so conveniently let me listen to that unfinished song of yours and now look who else gets to listen to it? Her. If you’re so desperate to get laid, you should have—”

“I didn’t show her shit.” Mingi cut me off, voice shaking as his cheeks grew red from anger, probably. Mingi wasn’t a scary person, but he looked scary right now. There was no ounce of kindness in his expression nor tone, he looked cold and angry and like he hated me. I gulped and realized, once again, that I was digging myself deeper into the shithole I had created for myself, that I was hurting him again and again. This is not how things were supposed to go, “I only showed you. That unfinished song you’re talking about, only you know about it. Thanks for reminding me again why I shouldn’t deal with you anymore—”

“Stop it.” I snapped, eyebrows furrowing as I felt fear grip at my throat, making my voice sound shaky as Mingi’s expression went blank. I hated when he did that. I wanted to know what he was thinking about, I needed to see what he felt. I couldn’t do this if he withdrew himself, I couldn’t do this if I was the only one that would bare her heart to him. I was scared. He was pushing me away like Yunho had done, Mingi was abandoning me.

“Stop it?” If I wanted to cry when he laughed in my face mockingly, impassive smirk settling on his lips, I didn’t let it happen. I kept my composure, anger, hurt, desperation, yearning all mixing together as I found it harder and harder to breathe, “You want me to be nice to you after all the shit you said to me on Saturday? You want me to treat you like before after everything that’s happened? I can’t. You hurt me, made me feel like a fucking idiot, Y/N, you broke—I thought we were friends. I feel disrespected and played, and yet here you are again, acting like you have even an ounce of right to act the way you are right now, when it’s you who made it so fucking clear you want nothing to do with me anymore. Do you enjoy making others suffer? Do you want to see me on my fucking knees begging for your attention? I have enough self-respect to step back and move on with my life when someone so blatantly tells it to my face that I am nothing—”

“But you aren’t!” My tone raised without me meaning to as my heart continued to beat out of my chest so fast my ears started ringing. I felt tears prick at my eyes, but I didn’t want to cry. I didn’t want to victimize myself, I just wanted Mingi to understand I made a mistake, that I knew I did, and that I was trying to fix things. I didn’t want us to part ways, especially not like this, he made me realize this second that I didn’t want to lose him, “You aren’t nothing to me. I said those things because I’m scared. I don’t know how to navigate these feelings—”

“Save it, okay?” I was left gaping as Mingi shook his head, pushing his hands in the pockets of his light denim jeans, “I don’t want to hear whatever sob shit you have to say right now, I’m asking you kindly to leave before I call security and delete my number, like I have deleted yours.”

The silence that settled upon us was deafening and my eyebrows furrowed as a tear rolled down my cheek without warning, my chest rising and falling rapidly as I tried to find my breath. That hurt, it hurt more than anything before, it hurt more than when Yunho left me, broke my heart. Mingi meant so much more to me than Yunho ever did, and I bit my lower lip as Mingi seemed unaffected, expression blank and rather bored. Nothing was making sense anymore. I was scared, but I also felt ready to break free of the chains of the past, I wanted Mingi. And knowing all this, I didn’t want to hold back anymore, I didn’t want to consider my next words anymore. I just wanted to speak my mind freely.

“My ex-boyfriend is Jeong Yunho, your best friend.” Mingi had almost turned away from me, but he froze, head slowly turning back to face me once again, “We dated back in high school, many years ago, when we were still some headless and stupid teenagers. But he was the first boy I’ve ever loved and he fucking broke my heart, shattered into pieces with a bright smile on his lips. He promised me many things, and I was naïve, so I believed it all. And because I did, I ended up hurt beyond fixing and I’ve never trusted a man again. He was my first boyfriend and the center of my universe, yet he never cared enough about me to properly break up with me.

“Yunho talked about you all the time. Everything you liked, everything you hated, you were part of our daily conversations and I always wished to meet you, to see what was so great in you that had Yunho gushing all the time. I was jealous, so jealous that I became bitter. I started hating even the mention of your name, I selfishly wanted Yunho to myself, and you gone from his life. I couldn’t understand what was so great about you and why I wasn’t enough. I knew Yunho didn’t love me, but I wanted him to, so I made myself believe it, believe that I was worth more to him than you’ll ever be. And in the process, I stupidly made myself believe that he’d never leave me, that he was the one for me like he has said so many times before.

“He broke my heart so fucking bad that it took years until I could say his name or even see his face again. I am over him now, have been for a long time, but I can’t help still feel bitter about him. I can’t help but associate you with him at times. He made me defensive and untrusting of men, I couldn’t help but assume you’d be just like Yunho when I first met you, at least when I finally realized who you were. I felt so guilty, I tried to push you away but you wouldn’t fucking give up. You are everything yet nothing like Yunho and that scares me, because I want you, Mingi. But I’m scared you’ll abandon me like Yunho did, that you’ll fill my head with empty and pretty fantasies and then leave me alone with them, tearing my heart apart in the process. I want to open up, but I’m scared. I think, however, with you by my side, I’d be able to do that, to let my walls down.”

The silence that settled upon us, once again, was deafening and I gulped, heart racing and making me feel lightheaded as Mingi’s face had fallen, expression finally not as void as before. He looked shocked, but surprisingly, he didn’t look hurt nor like he would hate me for ever. It made me hopeful for a second, it made me sniff loudly and blink away the insisting tears from my eyes. He gulped and took a deep breath, making me stare in his eyes, hopeful and less scared, as he sighed and rubbed at his chin; a stubble was showing. Now that I come to think of it, he looks rather tired with bags under his eyes, and his platinum hair has a blue hue to it.

“I’m sorry he made you go through so much; I know it wasn’t easy.” Mingi’s tone finally lost the edge it had before, finally it wasn’t laced with so much anger, and it almost made me cry, “I kind of—I knew. Not exactly the whole thing, but I suppose I can say I had a feeling that there was history between you and Yunho. It was too obvious whenever I brought him up that you didn’t like him, at first I was confused, but then I suppose everything just clicked into place. The drawing of his eyes, the sweater you lent me and the fact that you gave it to me in the end—I’ve known since then that it was probably Yunho. I never said anything to him, not like that at least, I wanted you to come to me on your own, when you fully trusted me with the information. And I’m sorry, but he—he was an asshole back in high school, he was insecure and he played with everyone’s feelings, he was quite good at manipulating people around him. He’s mentioned dating you, but very few times, and by the time you had broken up I had all but forgotten about you, I suppose I wasn’t much better compared to him.

“But all of this isn’t my fault in the end, and while I completely understand your reasoning now and why you often acted the way you did, I’m sorry, but I can’t just let go of things and start anew. There’s just—too many things that have happened, emotions that you stirred up in me, and I just can’t do it, I—it’s not even about you and Yunho, I don’t give a fuck about it, it was ages ago and Yunho is a changed man and I know he’s long moved on. And you too, I believe you have, you seemed less bitter lately, but I just can’t. I can’t help but ask again, what do you want, YN?”

At least he wasn’t mad at me, but I did feel ashamed that I made him piece everything together on his own, that I wasn’t capable of telling him the truth myself. I have made mistakes, sure, but Mingi apparently didn’t hate me for them, “I just want to apologize, for everything.”

Mingi nodded and I watched in despair as that cold mask slipped back onto his face, expression void of any emotion once again. It made me want to grab his shoulders and shake them, force him to look deep into my eyes and just see everything I felt for him, “That’s fine, I accept your apology. If that’s all, you can leave—”

“But that’s not all!” I snapped, having had enough of being dismissed by him. I saw the way his jaw twitched, the way his eyebrows furrowed at my defiance, at my reluctance to leave just yet. I was being pathetic and a pain in the ass, but I had to make him understand that I was ready to leave all my fears behind for him, to learn how to be a better person next to him. I wanted to change, and I wanted it to happen with him by my side, with him guiding me and teaching me how to be more like him, and less like the shitty person I was for so long. I longed to be the way I was before meeting Yunho, a lot happier and a lot less broody and hateful of the beautiful things that surrounded me, “Mingi, I cannot stop thinking about you. I spend every waking moment when we’re apart wondering what you’re up to, what’s going through your mind, whether you’re okay or not. And I’ve been drawing you, since the first time I saw you, you’ve captured my attention, you’ve made me curious of who you were the longer we spent time together. I don’t want to be like this anymore, I don’t want to hurt you anymore and shut you out, I want to fix everything. I want to—I just want you, Mingi.”

There was a quiet scoff behind Mingi, but neither one of us reacted to it as our gazes bore into each other, my eyes glinting with yearning and his façade slowly breaking down as he released a shaky breath, “Mingi, I adore you.”

“Get out.” For a second, my body froze as I thought he was addressing me, but then, he whirled around and pointed towards the studio’s still open door, “Get out, now.”

And I just realized that the blonde girl had been witness to everything, and I couldn’t help but blanch in embarrassment as she made to interject, but I guess Mingi’s sharp eyes made her reconsider her choice as she huffed and then stormed out of the studio. My cheeks felt hot and I realized the clothes were making me sweaty, so as Mingi hurried towards the door to close it, I shrugged my jacket off and placed it neatly on the back of the sofa together with my thick scarf. And as I looked up, mouth dry as the door clicked shut and Mingi turned around, it felt like time stopped, like the world stopped moving. But Mingi was moving towards me, in nothing more than three steps he stood in front of me, and before I could even as much as try to reason with him or plead more to be forgiven, warm fingers dug into my cheeks and the wind was knocked from my lungs as his plush warm lips slammed against mine, making me gasp as my eyes remained wide open.

『Filthy impetuous soul

I wanna give it to you』

I thought he wouldn’t want anything to do with me, I thought he’d tell me that he needed time to forgive me completely and for us to work things out. But I couldn’t help shudder and feel ecstatic as I grabbed the collar of his shirt and cardigan, my eyes falling shut, as I pulled him closer to my body, savoring the kiss as if it was our first. But it wasn’t anything like that one, it wasn’t soft nor careful nor slow, it was hurried and desperate as Mingi pushed me backward, pressing me against the wall, right between the small space between the sofa and the desk. My arms circled his neck as he grabbed my nape with one big hand and pressed his other into the small of my back, making it arch as my fingers tangled into his soft hair, not pulling, just feeling the need to hold onto something, to keep myself grounded.

And much like the first time, our lips seemed to fit perfectly, and I tried not to keen when he sucked my bottom lip between his teeth, nibbling on the soft flesh, and I tried not to turn into a puddle when he hummed lowly against my lips as my fingers flexed in his hair. Perhaps I kissed him a bit harder and more aggressively as our pace quickened, my hand holding the side of his neck as Mingi pressed his body into mine until it felt like he was trying to forbid me even of the idea of escaping from his clutches, and I had no fucking intention of going anywhere, because in his arms I felt content and safe, and perhaps a bit too hot as goosebumps covered my arms the longer our lips moved hungrily against each other. And when I cupped his cheeks and perhaps held onto them a bit too firmly, his lips parted, and I ignored my lungs screaming for air as my tongue slipped past his parted mouth. I didn’t expect him to moan as our tongues tangled together, all wet and perhaps a little disgusting, but neither one of us cared about that.

I tried to stand on my tip toes for better access as Mingi’s ring clad fingers were suddenly running through my hair and tilting my head back, making my skin tingle where he held my hip firmly. I had been kissed by other people before, but neither felt like with Mingi, neither made me crave more and more and more. But our lungs could only go on so long without air, and I would’ve been embarrassed for the loud gasp I let out when we finally parted, if it wasn’t for Mingi diving straight for my neck and finding the sweet spot that made me putty in his arms. And I tried to ignore his deep grunts as my fingers got tangled in his platinum blonde strands as he pressed open mouthed and wet kisses against my neck, his arms around my hips pulling me into an embrace that had my pulse showing through the skin of my neck. My lips were tingling and my lungs actually hurt, but I couldn’t care less when Mingi finally pulled back and blinked his dark eyes open, pupils dilated and lips so swollen he almost made me chase after them once again.

『Oh, just to see what you'd do

'Cause I'm so drunk on you』

“What’s in the thermos?” His voice was raspier than usual, and it made me bite my bottom lip as my eyes searched his face, his falling on my lips instead.

“Hot chocolate, for peace making.” I answered, sounding a lot more breathless than I actually felt, and Mingi chuckled, the sound deep in his throat. I let my arms fall from his shoulders and instead circled them around his torso, trying to fight off the smile from my lips. Mingi didn’t look angry nor dismissive anymore, but I knew I wasn’t actually forgiven just yet. And that was only fair.

“This is peacemaking, not the hot chocolate.” And there it was, the mischievous glint in his eyes and the smug smirk on his lips as he squeezed my hips once and lowered his face until our lips brushed together, “Although I do appreciate the hot chocolate too.”

“Good, my mom was rather excited when she told me to give it to you.” I pressed a chaste kiss against Mingi’s lips before he could try and say anything, and he chuckled when I pulled away, eyes creasing and crooked front teeth showing.

“What are we now?” His voice was a mere whisper, not insecure nor scared, just wondering, “What do you want?”

I gulped, but decided to be honest. No more hiding my feelings and thoughts from him, “I don’t know just yet, and that’s why I need you to take the lead, but this—I want more of this, of you.”

“Good,” Mingi hummed, lips pursed as he kissed my cheek once before slowly releasing me from his warm embrace, “because I’ve been wanting more of you for fucking ages, doll.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle as suddenly I felt embarrassed and perhaps a little shy, but Mingi seemed to be unphased as he grabbed my tote bag and looked through it because his clothes were in it, “You can keep these, they looked better on you anyway. But you better not give them to Yunho if he ever happens to go over to your house—”

“Mingi.” I snapped mortified and pushed his arm as he dropped the tote bag and burst out laughing, giving me a cheeky smile.

“Want to hear the rest of the song I made for you?”

“For me?”

“Yeah, doll, for you.”

            By the time I managed to get home I might as well been on cloud nine and in so much ecstasy that one would think I was on drugs. Which, kind of felt like it after the day I have had—not that I’ve ever done any drugs. I failed to notice my mother’s silhouette in the window of our kitchen when I got out of Mingi’s car and, of course, that meant she saw him get out of his old Honda Prelude and jog after me to kiss me hard and leave me dizzy before he left. And all of that, of course, meant that by the time I unlocked the front door and stepped inside, my mother was leaning against the archway of the kitchen with the widest smirk I’ve ever seen on her face.

“So, did you have sex?”

My eyes widened in mortification and I struggled to step out of my boots and shrug off my jacket, “Mom!”

“So, you did, huh.” It wasn’t even a question, and suddenly running after Mingi’s car sounded a lot better than standing in front of my mother as she bit her bottom lip, giving me a wink.

“We didn’t!” I exclaimed, cheeks flushed a deep red as I cradled the tote bag to my chest, “He needs to take me out on a date first—many dates, actually.”

“Well, he better hurry up then cuz you’re glowing and you’re happy.” I froze at my mother’s words as she looked at me with a serene expression on her face, lips pulled into a small smile, forgetting all about her previous teasing, “He’s good for you, too good. I haven’t seen you so relaxed and happy since—since highschool.”

Since Yunho broke up with me.

“I know, and I will make sure I never hurt him again.” I told my mom and she hummed, looking down at her wristwatch.

“You missed lunch, by the way, so you’ll eat chicken tenders—”

“Again?!”

“Again, exactly. Go wash up before dinner.”

And I was out of her sight in no time, with a newfound rush in my system, skin tingling as I realized I craved to hold my pencil and my sketchbook in my hands. I couldn’t remember the last time I drew something for me and not because it was an assignment. And if hours later the sketch looked a lot like a familiar platinum blonde haired man with sharp eyes and a tall nose wearing blue jeans, a white t-shirt and a beige cardigan over it, accessories many and nails painted black, then I wouldn’t even deny it anymore. Perhaps he would love seeing my drawings. Perhaps I should finally show him.

Mings 🖤: date on wednesday? Me: but im paying this time Mings 🖤: so when we went to the pottery coffee shop it was a date wasnt it, doll Me: maybe it was maybe it wasnt Mings 🖤: no maybes this time

『Oh, but you know me too well

Oh, but you know me too well, well』

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[violivs]

NMTDaily: Hero and Ursula’s Transmedia Accounts Debut

- I don’t think I ever knew that Hero had a transmedia Instagram account. That’s new to me! I’m excited to see what else she posts on it throughout the series.

- I do remember Ursula’s tumblr but I don’t know if I ever scrolled back enough to see the photos in the most recent email before. It’s extremely cute that she includes links to follow “My Friend Hero”, “My Friend Bea”, and “My Friend Ben”. She’s a sweetheart. Ursula deserves the world and so much more appreciation.

- It’s also really interesting that she considers herself friends with Ben before the events of the series happen to combine the two halves of the friend group. It’s probably because she’s best friends with Balthazar and he’s the crossover friend who is close friends with both the girls’ group and the boys’ group. I think it’s very possible that Ben doesn’t fully realize that Ursula thinks of him as a friend and not just an acquaintance because she’s so quiet and it can be hard to know what she’s thinking. Now I’m really interested in what their friendship would be like. They probably wouldn’t hang out one on one, but they would enjoy each other and never quite know how to tell each other that. Which is definitely a type of high school friend experience people have that rings true to me. All from the tiny detail of her linking to his channel on her tumblr. I wonder if he links to her channel on his? I bet he does, I have to look out for that.

- Update: oh my god I just scrolled through Ursula’s tumblr and saw that she posted Ben’s first vlog and mentioned in the tags that she helped him edit it! He “tried to do everything himself” and almost managed it, apparently. That says to me that he was probably complaining about how hard editing was, and Ursula offered to help. And I checked, he thanked her in the video description on that vlog. Ben and Ursula canonically hang out and edit his first video just the two of them???? Excuse me, this changes so many things. I am now obsessed with the Ben and Ursula friendship. This is definitely, for Ben, an example of that thing where social anxiety makes you kind of selfish and unappreciative of the friends you do have, because you dislike yourself so much you never believe they really like you, and then you hold them at arm’s length and never realize that’s literally why you’re so lonely. Ben probably feels like he doesn’t know how to talk to Ursula because Ursula is so quiet, and I bet she can get overwhelmed by him, but also sees that his heart is in the right place. And this makes Ursula yet another friend who has doubtless hung out with Bea and Ben separately and heard them complain about each other, so of course she’s on Team Love Gods. She’s just so dear and eager to help her friends, I love Ursula.

- I am also still sad that Ben never had an in-world Tumblr account I could have followed. It’s not story-necessary, but I’d have liked it.

- I kept thinking the grass was bugs and getting scared, but I still like seeing Ursula’s nature photography. She’s definitely growing up to be a pro videographer/photographer/director/cinematographer or something.

- Ursula also posted a picture of a TARDIS cake she and Hero baked for Bea, which, first, why are there not more Hero and Ursula friendship fluff fics AND Hersula ship fics about them baking together? I love this. They are so cute and sweet.

- Does this cake post mean we have an approximate canonical birthday for Beatrice? Baking a cake for someone feels like a birthday thing. It was posted on March 30, so is Bea’s birthday March 30? This is huge, I don’t think we ever got anyone’s birthday except Hero’s elsewhere in the series! Unless the cake is a belated Welcome to Auckland cake? I haven’t rewatched Bea’s first video yet, I’m terrible, I know, so I don’t remember how long she’s been in town. They didn’t actually say it was her birthday, so it’s probably a Welcome cake. Oh well. Still sweet!

- Also, the tags say the cake is banana cake! So Beatrice already likes Ben’s favorite food, and she’s definitely a huge fan of Doctor Who even though she downplays that to avoid praising anything connected to Benedick. She’s so stubborn, I love her, and they are meant to be. This will not be the last detail indicating how much they have in common and see eye-to-eye. I love all of it.

- I also love that this isn’t the last themed cake to appear! I remember the dalek cake from the pizza party later in the series. Ursula and Hero were hobby bakers and shippers on deck from the start!

- The email with the cake post is titled “putting the Who in superwholock”, which is so incredibly 2014, and also makes me realize that the NMTD characters were really only WhoLocks, none of them were Supernatural fans that I remember. I just find that funny given what a behemoth it was and is on tumblr. I don’t blame them, it’s the one of the three I’ve seen the least of too, it’s just amusing. I actually don’t know if it ever even aired over there, to be fair.

- We also got Bea’s first tweet, in the email with her first video, but it’s pretty simple, nothing to dissect. We get some good tweets later on, though! I promise I’ll make a post about Bea’s first video before the next video email on Wednesday. I’ve decided I don’t have to post recaps day-of, I just want to do them eventually.

- MVP of the past few emails: Ursula! You go, Ursula. Jules 20genderchild is so right that you deserved a last name!!!!

💖🦩🥭

[lala3244]

Obsession Part 2

Finally! I got the inspiration and motivation to write again. I guess being on holiday helps between that and remodeling our bedroom it feels my days nicely! Apparently, I am doing this story in multiple parts as what I want to write can't get done quickly without any explanations. I don't know if people actually want to read the rest of that story but I need to write it and publish it for my own selfish reasons :).

Here is Part 1 for those interested

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Mention of death

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Jessy had a frown on her face when she saw me getting out of Jake’s car. As I walked towards her, I tilted my head and when I was in front of her, I stopped. “What’s up?”. She gestured to the seat next to me so I sat down but she was still wearing her frown which kind of made me uncomfortable. “Hm… You remember that Jake has a girlfriend, don’t you?” I laughed, “Sure, I know. Don’t worry nothing happened.” I tried to reassure her that I am not this kind of person. She shook her head. “Did you know she was a relative of Alan Bloomgate?” I shrugged. “Ok and? As I said nothing happened and nothing will happen as long as he is with her. So it doesn’t matter who she is.” Her face relaxed and she nodded. “I think they have a kind of understanding, him and Alan.” I took the menu to see what they offered as I tried to ignore the ache in my heart. “What kind of understanding?” I tried to look casual but I could barely breathe. I didn’t know why I reacted like that. It was not like I had high hopes of getting with the hacker anyway and I was still mad at him, also I didn’t care that he had a girlfriend. So why was my heart crushed by this? “I really don’t know. Jake doesn’t really talk to me, you know, unless it’s to talk about you.” I hid my blushing face behind the menu as my heart now was swelling by her revelation. I was still not looking at her but I heard her giggle. “He asked a lot of questions about you and especially if you were dating someone now. I did ask why he cared about it as he had a girlfriend. He always shrugged. It made me laugh every time.” I smiled tightly, as if I could have dated someone new after knowing him, I guess I should have. He did do it, after all. “Hmmm… Maybe I should start now!” She laughed. “Okay and who would be interesting to you?” I looked around us, not really looking for someone. “Oh! I know! Your brother!” Her eyes widened. “You wouldn’t dare?!” I glanced at her quickly then looked away, a smirk on my face. “Well, why not? He is single and he’s been genuinely nice to me. Unless, of course, it would bother you and in that case, I wouldn’t dare, no.” She was still staring at me, wide-eyed, then she blinked a few times as if she was thinking about what I had just said. She moved slightly closer to me. “I guess it wouldn’t bother me only if you are sincere and not trying to make Jake jealous or playing some sort of sick game.” This time, it was me who had a shocked face and blinked a few times. “No! Of course I wouldn’t do that! I actually like him. But I am not sure I want to date anyone anyway.” A waiter came over to our table and took our order. . 

We spent the rest of the morning in the café talking about this and that. The time passed quickly and we came out of our little bubble when Jessy’s phone rang. She answered the call and when she hung up she explained to me what was up. “I forgot to tell you! Tonight we are throwing a surprise birthday party for Hannah.” I nodded, smiling. “Oh I didn’t know it was her birthday. I mean I forgot about it. Do you think I’ll have time to buy her a present?” She laughed. “Don’t worry I bought it for you already.” I looked at the girl and smiled at her fondly. “Thank you! You’ll tell me how much it was and I’ll reimburse you.” “Don’t worry about it.” I promised myself that I would find out the price and give her the money. We stood up and went to pay for our drinks. While looking inside my bag, I felt my phone vibrating. I had left it there as I wanted my focus to be only on my friend and I was glad I did. We had such a lovely time, I didn’t really want to go somewhere else or to meet up with someone else. “Where are we going?” She thought about it for a moment. “I don’t know. I am starting to feel hungry though.” I nodded. “Shall we buy some sandwiches and then go to the lake?” She turned back towards the cashier and asked for more food to take away. While she finished ordering and paying, I looked at my phone and saw I had notifications. I went through them quickly as Jessy was done paying but when I started to talk, she grabbed my wrist. “Don’t worry. You don’t need to pay.” I looked at her then smiled. “Thank you but next time you’ll let me pay.” She giggled. “Yeah sure.” And she started to walk away while grabbing her car keys and humming. I stood there, watching her walking happily. I would have thought she would have been destroyed after what had happened with Richy but she took it fairly well. Of course, the first few days were hard on her but rapidly she stopped crying every time we talked, then every time his name was mentioned and now she was humming as if nothing bad ever happened to her. I was glad, of course, but it just amazed me how people dealt with death differently. I walked to the car then we went to the lake. She had a blanket in the trunk of her car so we took it with the food and went to find a spot near the water. We sat down and we ate our food, silently, listening to the sounds surrounding us blissfully. After I finished my last bite, I heard Jessy clearing up her throat so I turned around as I thought she wanted to speak but when my eyes fell on her face, I saw a glint of mischievousness in her eyes. I tilted my head, waiting for her to finally talk. “Let’s go swimming!” She stood up and started to undress, keeping her underwear on, and she ran to the lake. She turned towards me and waved. “Come on! The water is actually alright!” I laughed but I reluctantly undressed and joined her. The water was actually alright. Cold, of course, but with the sun out, it was bearable. The glint in her eyes had not disappeared but I ignored it. I looked at the beautiful scenery, soaking up the sun on my skin when I felt some cold water being splashed on me. I gasped and jumped. I turned around and saw Jessy laughing while running away from me. I ran after her and managed to splash her too. When I did, I dived into the water so she couldn't get me anymore. I smiled at her and swam towards her. “Come on. Get into it. It’s actually nice. I love swimming. It feels like my sorrows and worries are being washed away and I am purified.” 

Her face became serious. The carefree, happy woman was gone. Her wide eyes showed some emotions that weren’t there since I had arrived. She closed her eyes and sighed. “If only it was that easy.” I grabbed her hand to comfort her. “Jessy? What’s up?” She opened her eyes, I saw the pain she had been hiding all this time. How could I be this wrong? My friend was suffering and I didn’t notice in the slightest. It broke my heart. “I am sorry Jessy. I… I didn’t realise.” She shook her head and smiled tightly. “I know, don’t worry. I just… I just couldn’t hide it from you anymore.” Tears started to fall down her cheeks, mixing with the drops that were still running down from when she put her head under water. I saw the desperation and the deep sadness she kept hiding all those months back and I finally took her in my arms. I knew words could not sooth her. I could only just be there for the heartbroken woman. She didn’t move when she was in my arms but I didn’t mind. I could feel her tears wetting my skin as the top of our bodies were out of the water. I gently stroked her head while her body was shaking from her sobbing. She calmed down after a few minutes and I realised that the trembling was, now, not because she was crying but because she was getting cold like I was. “Let’s get out of here.” She nodded and slowly peeled herself away from me. As we slowly made our way back to the blanket, I had the weird feeling that someone was watching us. I took a look around and saw a man standing and I recognised Jake. I waved at him slightly and he waved back while joining us to the blanket. I put the stuff on it aside and grabbed it. I put it around Jessy and me in an attempt to dry ourselves. Jessy finally saw Jake. “Hello Jake. Are you being a weirdo?” He laughed and shook his head. “No. I didn’t know you would be there actually.” I quirked an eyebrow. “Really?” He looked away. “I mean, yeah I knew but I had planned to come here before you two came.” I hummed and started to get dressed while trying to hide my body from the man in front of us. “Why do you come here?”. He looked at the lake. “It is nice and peaceful. No one to bother me. I like solitude.” I nodded. “I understand.” He looked surprised by my answer. “What?” He shrugged. “You don’t seem like the type of person to like being alone.” I laughed. “I guess you don’t know a lot about me then.” I smiled at him and I could see a slight blush pinking his cheeks. “Maybe I don’t.” I laughed and turned to see that Jessy was dressed. “We shall leave you alone then.” He chuckled. “Thank you. Are you going to Hannah’s party tonight?” I nodded. “Yes, of course. I am guessing you are too?” I was gathering everything to get ready to leave. “Yes I am. I will see you tonight then.” We finally walked back to the car and we went back to Jessy’s flat to get ready for the party. As I sat down in the car seat, I heard my phone beeping. I frowned as I knew I put it in silent mode. I took it but saw no notification, perplexed I unlocked it and saw that I had one in the messenger app Jake had illegally installed. I chuckled to myself and opened the app. 

*You both could have stayed.*

I looked at Jessy who was driving, the car was silent. 

*Thank you but we need to get home and get ready. And I thought you wanted to be alone?*

I watched the messages vanish after a couple of seconds. I was startled by Jessy when she started to speak. “Who’s writing to you?” I glanced at her quickly. “Jake” She nodded and hummed unhappily. “What?” She was still looking at the road in front of her. “Did you forget what I said this morning?” I sighed. “HE texted me, first of all and he said we could have stayed.” She chuckled. “I thought he came there to be alone?” I laughed too. “I know!! That’s what I wrote.” I showed her the screen but then remembered that the message was gone. She couldn’t see anyway as she was driving. “What did he say?” I smiled slightly. “He hasn’t answered yet.” We waited for a few seconds and my heart skipped a beat when I saw the beginning of his message

*:) 

I did but with you it is different. I do not mind the company.*

I stared at the words until they disappeared again. “So? What did he say?” I looked up from my phone. “Hm?” She laughed. “What did he say?” I looked back at the blank screen. “That he wouldn’t have minded the company.” She hummed quietly. I locked my phone and looked at the road. I realised my feelings for the hacker were creeping their way back slowly and it annoyed me, especially because they were stronger this time around. It was one thing to text him, I could put a safe distance between him and me even though the feelings were there but to see him in real life… He was exactly how I expected him to be, nice, sweet and caring and the fact that he was also gorgeous didn’t help. My phone beeped again, as my phone unlocked onto the opened app, I read the message.

*I am sorry*

The message erased itself after a few seconds. I was perplexed by this last message.

*What do you mean?*

And as my message disappeared again, we arrived at Jessy’s flat. We got ready then left early to help with the decoration and other things. It was at the Aurora. We decided to walk there so we could drink if we wanted. While getting ready, I heard my phone beeped again but I was so carried away with the preparations that I didn’t find the time to read the message. When we were ready with everything, we left the flat and I remembered my phone. I took it out and looked for the messenger app to open it.

*I am sorry that I never texted you. I am sorry I have someone. I am sorry I was a coward. I understand you did not want me to apologise to you but I am. I am really sorry.*

I smiled and sent a text back.

*I am just glad you are safe and alive, Jake. All the promises and other words you might have said were from another life. You don’t need to be sorry.*

We entered the bar and I saw Jake looking at his phone, a look of disappointment on his face. My heart sank at the sight and he looked up at the door being opened. He looked at me and I saw a sadness behind his bright eyes then he looked away. I followed Jessy as I didn’t know what they had actually planned. Phil had closed the bar for a couple of hours so we could set up everything. I went and said hello to everyone. When I hugged Phil, he offered me a drink which I accepted gratefully. Jessy joined us as we actually didn’t have much to do. Lilly and Thomas had done most of the decorations. Finally, it was time for Thomas to go and pick up Hannah. We waited for a few minutes then we turned the lights off so Hannah would not have a clue about what was going on. We only waited for a couple of minutes when we heard the door open. The lights got turned on and “SURPRISE!” Hannah did look surprised and we all laughed as she berated Thomas playfully. Phil turned the music on and opened the bar for other customers. We only took a part of the bar so he could still open it. We all went around the table where all the presents were and we watched Hannah open them all. She made a speech to thank all of us then she came over to talk to me. “Hey! Thank you for being here with us.” I smiled at her but I didn’t say anything. “And thank you for helping my friends… our friends with finding me. I don’t know how to thank you properly. You know I tried to text you multiple times the last few months but I got scared each time I was about to send it. What if you didn’t want to talk to me? What if you hated me? What if…” I cut her off smiling. “Hannah, I would have been more than happy to talk to you and I would have answered you straight away.” Before she could carry on the conversation we heard someone calling her name. We both looked up to the entrance and I saw an older couple waving at Hannah. She looked at me with a smile while they were joining us. “They are my parents!” She hugged them while they wished her a happy birthday. Lilly joined them too, looking stressed. “Mom? Dad? What are you doing here?” Her eyes were darting around and when we heard the door slammed violently, her eyes screwed up shut and she sighed. When she opened them, there was a look of worry and she looked at me as if she was asking me something. “I told you not to come!” And she left in a hurry. I looked at the rest of the family, puzzled. Hannah scoffed. “Right, Mom, Dad this is…” Her dad cut her off and extended his hand. “Yes, we know. It’s really nice to finally meet you. Lilly doesn’t stop talking about you!” I laughed nervously and I shook his hand to be polite. Their mom hugged me and told me that if I needed anything they would be happy to help me. I thanked them and we started to make small talk. 

After a few minutes, Lilly came back, worried still etched on her face. She grabbed me and took me away from her family. “I need to talk to you.” I followed her and she looked around to make sure no one was listening. “You need to go and talk to Jake.” I stared at her. “What? Why?” She sighed loudly. “Because MY dad, OUR dad is here…” I looked at the man and made the connection. I kind of had forgotten about it. I sighed. “Why do you think I could help?” Lilly was looking at her parents. “Angela and I tried to speak to him but he didn't speak. I am afraid he might come inside and punch my father.” I laughed at that. I couldn’t imagine Jake being violent but who knows? Maybe hacking his bank account or his computer but not punching him. “Right. I’ll see what I can do.” I followed Lilly outside and I saw Jake pacing around while Angela was trying to calm him down. Lilly called Angela to her and I walked towards Jake. “Hey Jake.” He stopped when he heard my voice and slowly turned to face me. “Hey” I showed him a table with two seats so we could sit. We sat down and stayed silent for a full minute before I started talking. “Lilly said they weren’t supposed to come.” He shrugged. “I know she told me.” I hummed, I didn’t really know what to say. “I just… I knew I would eventually bump into him but I don’t know why I reacted like that.” I leaned forward  on my chair. “Will you talk to him? Will you tell him the truth? Will you punch him in the face?” He laughed out loud and shook his head. I saw Angela and Lilly watching us and Angela got upset. I felt bad but I was trying to make him feel better. “No, I would not punch him. I haven’t decided what I should do.” I leaned back on my chair. “Hmm. It’s not easy. I can’t say what would be best. I think it depends on what you want and need. Do you need him in your life?” He shrugged again. “I don’t know, I don’t think so.” His phone beeped and he looked at the screen, a frown on his face then he stood up to look around. “Hey, what’s wrong?” He turned his face towards me. “You remembered I told you that a friend helped me get free?” I nodded. “She is here.” A few seconds after he talked, we heard a car driving full speed and stopped suddenly in front of the Aurora. The engine stopped and a woman stepped out of the car. She was not conventionally dressed, I would say but she knew how to dress herself. She saw Jake who was walking towards her and her whole face was illuminated by the brightest smile I had ever seen. She ran towards the hacker and jumped in his arms while screeching his name. Hopefully, he caught her and held her for a few seconds before putting her back on her feet. I arrived next to them, curious about this woman in Jake’s life, whom he had never talked about. Jake sensed me next to him and he made the introduction.

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THE END

Thank you for reading.

This is not proofread so if you see any mistakes please let me know.

Comments and feedback are welcome :)

Also what do you think about Moonvale?!!!!!!

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[mysteriawrites]

henlo i am here for my niji en matchup!! my pronouns are it/they/he, and i’m a non-binary person. i’m native american and italian american, my first language was french and i grew up with my grandma! i’m 16, 5’2 and i am an absolute GREMLIN. i dress usually in oversized hoodies and thigh high socks, my hair is very short and fluffy with a part in the back and my bangs dyed red, and i have to wear glasses. i like watching anime and spending time in quiet and reading, cooking, baking, watching reality tv (90 day fiancé is unfortunately my obsession). i dislike loud noises, my mom (long story), being treated as lesser because of my home life, being jump scared, being yelled at. idk my mbti or anything like that but i’m a virgo. also i’m bi with no preference so male or female is fine! thanks so so SO much for taking my matchup!! have a nice day!!!

Hello hello thx for doing the trade with me. DRUMROLL TIME!!!!

🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

ELIRA PENDORA!!!

I think you and Elira share a lot of good vibes together. You have similar preferences, hobbies, and personalities. I think Elira’s calm energy would be good for you and yet her capacity to join you in being an absolute gremlin would keep things interesting.

You guys actually met online. You were both into a new romance anime, and got close by talking about it on (insert anime forum here).

You guys shared other socials like, instagram, twitter, discord, etc so you could keep in touch since you had similar opinions. This evolved from talking about the anime to talking about other interests.

Over a couple of months you guys began to fall in love. You guys had a pining idiots kind of relationship. You were both very in love and everyone could see it…except you two.

So the rest of Lazulight decided on a plan. Elira’s birthday was coming up, so as a surprise they flew you out to japan which is where they were hanging out to celebrate. The minute she saw you her introverted nature was gone. She ran up to you and tackled you in a hug.

The rest of the trip was mainly just you two hanging out and everyone else coming up with excuses to give you guys alone time. Eventually they pushed you to asking her out for real. With the biggest blush on her face she accepted and now you two are dating.

You guys usually like to have pretty quiet dates. Whether that’s sitting at home and baking together or sitting on the couch watch anime or reality tv like inuyasha or 90 day fiance.

One date was spent at your local theater for throwback movie night. They throwback movie that day was twilight and you guys would simp together (sorry if you don’t like twilight personally I’ve never seen it either).

Sometimes you’ll borrow Elira’s shirts or overalls since they’re baggy just like you like em (also they smell like her). When she sees you in them she goes beet red, but she has to admit the thinks it’s really hot.

Elira is more the type to silently comfort you whenever you’re having a hard time. Like if you have a falling out with your mother or if the neighbors are being too loud and it triggers you.

She’ll wrap you in one of her sweaters and hold you gently, whispering sweet nothings to you to calm you down. She may be awkward but she definitely gives caring big sister vibes.

Also Pikl and Lazulight love you to death. If they love you than that means you’re a keeper.

V sweet very soft relationship with a girl failure gremlin dragon.

[boba-beom]

Angel,

There are 3 hours left for your birthday and I’m saddened I couldn’t celebrate it with you sooner! (Will let you know why privately)

I had something special prepared for you but I would like to tell you a few words!

01-20-22 was the first day we talked! You wanna what it was about? It was about how our birthday were exactly one month apart!

During this time I was new to tumblr I was new to discord and wanted a place to fit in! You made my time to the new environment really easy for me!

We became friends in no time! I know there’s distance between us but I gained a close friend, someone I trust and can go to whenever I need to. Someone who has shown me endless amount of love, and support. That distance becomes just distance when you look at the bond we’ve created!

You are someone so special and important and the people around you, my self included are so happy to have someone as sweet, loving, kind, smart, funny person like you!

I definitely consider you one of my online bestfriends because you truly know things about me that my irl friends don’t know!

I love and miss our late night talks whether it was late night for me or late night for you! We need to voice call asappppp!

I think it goes without saying but you truly get how I feel like no one else does! I think it confirmed that we are a different kind when we were losing our mind because of that one taehyun laugh followed by his “진짜” you remember that angel? How we both literally lost it at one word. Only taehyun will do that for you only taehyun hahah.

This might sound cheesy and you know what I’m okay with that but you are the Beomgyu to my Yeonjun! Quite literally 🥺💗

I hope we get to meet each other soon and go to all the food places so we can do our little asmr mukbang! Not only for that but to finally be able to see you and I just know we will spend hours talking and talking(I hope your sister is okay with that hahah). I don’t think there has ever been a dull moment or conversation that I’ve had with you!

I mean we can go from crying about how life is shitty to talking about how we’d want redacted to redact redact redact lol(based on true story I don’t know if you remember when we called on ig that one time you were in the ph)

I just wanna hype you up a bit but girlllll YOU ARE GORGEOUS!! STUNNING!!!!! I think I’ve shared this a few times but I when I first joined and saw your photos I was like she’s soooo gorgeous and your style!! YOUR STYLE!!!! I am in love with ! (Send your girl some pointers hahaha) I think you have such pretty eyes and I love your hair!!!!! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL OKAYYY!!

I have to take some time to also mention how you are so down to help anyone who needs it! I know you were there for me helping me when I was going to post my very first fic! Not to mention you were instantly willing to help with my theme which so many people loved and complimented! You are always there for me during hard times even to just listen!

I love that we have matching pfp 🥺 do you remember what started it? It was when the tribute stage performance for weverse con came out and we were obsessed with the with the burgundy silk shirts and the fans and beomgyu long hair! We were in the nsfw section just sending a bunch of “🦋🐱🦋🐱🦋🐱🦋🐱” then we both changed our pfp and it was accidentally matching so we’ve been matching since then! I think it’s really cute and special 🥺

I would just lastly like to say how much you mean to me to me and that no matter where life takes us you will always have a special place in my heart and mind! I love love love love you so much! I hope you had a great day and I can’t wait till I hear all about it 🥺💗 I miss you Lots Angel!

I am always here for you!

I hope you have the happiest of birthdays! 🥳

HappySmilesDay 💗

Oh p.s. I got me cake yesterday and I sang hbd to you before I ate it but my dumbass took the video on Snapchat and forgot to save it! 😩

Angie 🥹 thank you isn’t enough to show how grateful I am to have you in my life. you’re like a hidden gem I didn’t know that I would eventually keep along with me from day to day. I do remember bonding over our birthdays and it all stemmed from there!

you and I both know so well that I will always be there for you and anyone if they need 🫶🏼 wasn’t called smiles for no reason (I’m sorry lmao that was cheesy). I also find it so amusing just how easily we relate together. I’ve enjoyed every single interaction, moment, call, voice note, squealing about taehyun’s laugh and his ‘진짜‘, and all of the above.

lmao the fact that we can go on and on, talking about whatever but it’s okay, yappers will be yappers and that’s us 🤭 no matter what it is we just manage to hold it out well!

thank you for the compliments and plenty of your kind words 🥹 I have so much love for you, I hope you always know that! and I can’t wait for the day we meet! I’m sure it will bring us closer than we already are 🫶🏼

I have so much more to say but it can wait for another special day 🤭 I love you so much and you are always going to be the yeonjun to my beomgyu 🤍 I miss you lots and I hope you’re always taking care of yourself!

take your time with everything and I love you a hundred times over!!! thank you for the cute beomjun pictures and the cake is super cute 😭 you’re so precious, Angel!

[blackshadowswriter]

*heavy breathing* OH MY FUCKING GOD HOLY SHIT THAT WAS AMAZING IM-🫨⁉️

Alright I'm going to be so loud about this so page break

First off, bestie, the fact that you not only remembered my bday but also wrote a fic??? For me??? WHEN I TELL TOU I SHRIEKED IM NOT KIDDING HOW ARE YOU SO FUCKING AMAZING AND SWEET AND THOUGHTFUL AND JUST SKDHDJAJKD IM CRYING I LOVE YOU SO MUCH GIRL THANK YOU FOR THIS YOU ARE THE BEST FRIEND ON THIS PLANET 😭🖤🖤🖤

Also pls don't apologize for being late when I'm almost a MONTH late, I swear I saw it when you posted (RAN when I got the notif), but I GOT SICK AGAIN 😭🤧 for like the second time in three weeks, and I was so miserable, and this was totally what I needed to get me excited again. And then FINALS hit me so fucking hard this year (istg they get worse every year), and I have been UNDER SIEGE fr, but today is legit my last day WHICH IS SO FUNNY BC IT'S ALSO TAYLOR'S BIRTHDAY TODAY SO IK I HAD TO COME BACK TO THIS

BUT LIKE GIRL HOW CAN YOU DOUBT THIS MASTERPIECE? I LOVE this so much I’m legit speechless, like you spent two days writing this?? FOR ME???? I am so honored like what 😭 what did I do to deserve you, you are the most amazing human ever ilysm 😍🖤🖤

like not only did you give me the cutest fluffiest fic ever but also the effort you put in with the Taylor references? ILYSM MARRY ME BESTIE 😍 I love how we both keep feeding each others obsessions and this was a fucking feast because let me tell you, I thought this was going to have references from New Years Day which is one of my favorite reputation songs but when I started reading and realized it was FULL of ALL the Taylor references I- 🤭 simultaneously have no words and am screaming inside rn

I legit pulled up a doc to write down all the references as I read and started pyscho-analyzing every single line for them, I'm going so crazy over this omggg

Also I'm so sorry if I miss any references, bestie, I'm scrawling this down and giggling like a mad woman (😉) while blowing my nose and coughing every ten seconds.

Starting off with the “once in a lifetime” it’s legit like you know how reobsessed I’ve been with Speak Now and I fucking love Timeless so much so this opening line had me legit gasping out loud like a dramatic hoe😭

“Those stupid love songs on the radio and the endless romantic stories of your friends’ dating lives, however, fueled your need for the same kind of connection only a few songwriters know how to put into words” TAYLOR KNOWS

"But deep down, you craved to find someone who wouldn’t be afraid of sticking around, someone who would never leave you because life tends to get hard." I'm not sure if this was intentional, but this right here just screams The Archer to me like it's totally giving "who could ever leave me, darling, but who could stay?" and I LOVE IT

The combination of "burning red" and "golden like daylight" PERFECT. Okay for a second I thought "burning red" was from Red and then I remembered the line in Daylight with "burning red" in it, and I'm not sure which one you mean, but I never thought about how those two songs compliment each other so well, BUT IT WORKS, so you're a genius for this one, bestie 🙌

"A love fighting for" 🤝 "tells me this love is worth the fight" AFTERGLOW I LOVE THIS

"So perhaps that is why you chose to lock yourself away and live in delusion instead." OMFG right where you left me is one of my favorite evermore songs everrr, and I love that line "did you hear about the girl who lives in delusion" SO MUCH

"Truth be told, when you’re your own worst enemy and have an inner saboteur...In an attempt to erase all the problems, you became the problem." Anti-hero babyyyy, but also LITERALLY US LMAO

"chasing ghosts that stayed long in the past" Omgg this line reminds me of "chasing shadows in the grocery line" for some reason

And "only came back to haunt the living shit out of you" I'm not sure if this is meant for Haunted, but I love that so so so much, and I'm hallucinating with a maybe fever rn so I kinda think it is

"Blood rushed to his cheeks" SO SCARLET IT WAS MAROON

"you knew that you’d somehow been enchanted to meet him" this is totally feeding my reobsession with Speak Now and I LOVE YOU FOR THAT BESTIE.

"It is possible that the song playing over the speakers in the café right before you bumped him played a part in how you perceived the interaction. You’ve never been one to believe in coincidences. Nothing is ever accidental, and neither was your meeting. It couldn’t have been." MASTERMINDDDDD I LOVE THAT SONG SMM

"Summer that year was cruel" 😎😎

"you didn’t have it in you to put a label on whatever delicate thing was starting to build" 👉 we can't make any promises now, can we, babe 😭😭

"Love is a fragile thing" IT COULD BURN OUT (no because I've always heard "thing" in the song until I checked the lyrics of I Know Places and realized it's "flame" and it blew my mind)

"He let out a grunt. Your name passed his lips. He sounded so weak" maybe I should go to bed bc I'm a little delirious, but I started giggling, "your name on my lips, tongue-tied, free rent living on my mind" and it totally doesn't fit the vibe, but this just reminds me of it 😂

When he woke up to you hovering over him, he groaned. “I’m sorry,” was all he said. “I’d understand if–” This part totally made me laugh because poor Matty, my baby just woke up from passing out and he's still apologizing, bless his heart omg 😭

"coffees over empty takeout containers" this is making me want to go back to your Is It Over Now fic and reread because girl, I'm still not over it 😍

"kissing in the rain" The Way I Loved You is one of my favorite Fearless songs omg, I'm so happy it made it into the fic

"He is the best thing that has ever happened to you." You are the best thing that's ever been mine 😭 bro I'm so in love with how in love we are with Matt, like HE DESERVES THIS LOVE

"You saw something in him from the moment you met that no one can ever take away" you're on your own kid 🥺

"taste of heaven" UNTOUCHABLEEEE 🖤

"You are sunshine, even on your worst days, and he’s midnight rain. But you love the rain. You love him." UGH THIS LINE IS EVERYTHING. Not just the Midnight Rain reference, but I love how in love these two are omg. ALSO this might be me analyzing too deeply, but like I love how you took the original lyrics where it's like "midnight rain" and "sunshine," that they're opposites and that's why they didn't work, but HERE, the rain and sunshine are them complementing each other so well and being so sickeningly sweetly in love 😭

"He took your hand and asked you to dance" Fearlesss and Matt being so sweet, I can't with him 🥰

"You want more of those nights" Ahhh New New's Day!!! I WANT YOUR MIDNIGHTSS 😍

"You want him and all the strings attached to him" THIS IS MAKING ME THINK OF INVISIBLE STRING, I LOVE THAT SOMG SMM

"You want to wear his initial on a chain around your neck, in Braille...“I know I don’t own you,” he said to you, “but I love you. And I know you. I want you to carry me close to your heart the same way I’ll always carry you close to mine.” LOSING MY MIND AT THIS, MY FAVORITE LINE FROM CALL IT WHAT YOU WANT, "not because he owns me but because he really knows me" 😍 I am OBSESSED with this line, and with Matt is so perfect omg 🥺🖤

"All the girls he loved before don’t matter because he’s got you now" Another one of the songs I'm so obsessed with, like All of The Girls YOU LOVED BEFORE is one of my favorite songs ever and it fits so well with Matt, i love this sm

"All those memories replay in sudden flashing sequences" ooo this reminds me so much of Love Story and I feel like it goes perfectly with reader and Matt like they are so fluffy, Love Story just makes such perfect sense for them bc it's so sweet omg

"Matt Murdock is kneeling on the floor before you, the glitter, confetti, and sticky champagne" MORE NEW YEAR'S DAY REFERENCES OMG, I WAS WAITING FOR THIS 🙌 also CHAMPAGNE PROBLEMS AHH 😍 wait this is so perfect bc New Year's Day and champagne problems have such similar beginnings, so mashing them together is PERFECT. Idk if I'm right, but the confetti is giving Long Live "confetti falls to the ground" but maybe I'm just hallucinating (I just finished finals, and I'm like half dead)

"You would marry him with paper rings, that much is true." I LIKE SHINY THINGS BUT I'D MARRY YOU WITH PAPER RINGS, but reader is so real for this, I would totally marry Matt NO RING AT ALL JUST GIVE ME A CHANCE MATTY PLS

"He sees right through you. You see right through him" WAIT I might be overanalyzing again (the advanced comp this year really did that to me) but this just feels SO PERFECT to me, with the reference to The Archer bc at the beginning it was that line like "who could ever leave me but who could stay" and now we've come a full circle to the "do you see right through me" and YES, them seeing through each other in the best way and it's just 🤧i'm way too emotion rn but this is so cute im gonna cry

"Even in your worst times, you were there for each other" AHHH I LOVE THE REFERENCE TO DRESS I LOVE THAT SONG WITH ALL MY HEART

"You don’t need to tell him that you would do it a million times over because he knows" OMFG IS THIS FROM ILLICIT AFFAIRS (and a little from I Think He Knows?), MY FAVORITE FOLKLORE SONG ILYSM BESTIE

"And he will never be just the stranger that you bumped into" please dont ever become a stranger whose laugh I would recognize anywhere 🥺🥺 AND THEY WON'T BE, I LOVE THIS SM

"Maybe that was your plan all along. Maybe you are the mastermind he knows that you are. None of it was accidental." AHHH MORE MASTERMIND REFERENCESSS YESSS

"And now, Matt Murdock is yours. Forever and always." PULLING MY HAIR OUT, this was so fucking sweet 😭😭

Bestie, TYSM FOR THIS. I could never have expected this tooth-rottingly fluffy masterpiece, and the TAYLOR REFERENCES, I might be going crazy rn, but the effort you put in to include all of them and for me??? Like, how tf do I have such an amazing, talented best friend??? Thank you so much for writing this for me, this is seriously one of my favorite of your Matt fics now and that's saying something bc I love ALL OF THEM. THANK YOU BESTIE, YOU'RE THE BEST BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WORLD, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH 😭🥺🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

(also I know im so late to Taylor’s birthday BUT in my defense it’s still 11 pm here so TECHNICALLY I MADE IT)

New Year's Day | Matt Murdock x Reader

Masterlist

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Reader

Summary: You recount your history with Matt and the highs and the lows of your relationship.

Warnings: Fluff, descriptive writing & lack of dialogue, mentions of blood, but this is mostly very tame

Word count: 2.5k

A/n: This One-Shot is dedicated to my bestie, @blackshadowswriter. I'm a bit late, and I'm sorry for that. It took me a bit to finish. I just want to tell you how much I love and appreciate you. I also know you love Taylor, so I thought "why not write a fic and use as many song references as possible? She's going to LOVE that!" You're my favorite person in the world and you deserve this. I love you. I'm all out of words because I'm anxious as hell about showing you this. It took me two days to finish. I wanted it to be as good as I could make it. I'm still not 100% sure, but I never am when it comes to giving gifts. I hope you like it <3 (This is also why I'm not tagging anyone else because this is a gift for my best friend and I intended it as such)

From the moment you bumped into him on the corner street of your favorite café, you knew that he was the kind of chance that would only come around once in a lifetime.

It wasn’t like you, at least not back then, to buy a stranger a coffee. And it was even less like you to give him your number afterward.

You had never been big on dating at that point in your life. You used to take things exactly the way they came to you, and dating never really seemed to fit into that narrative.

You preferred to lose yourself in your own world, a world where no one could touch or hurt you the way you’ve been hurt so many times in the past by people who claimed to care about you—people who claimed to love you, and in the process, you lost sight of the fact that there are still a handful of good people out there.

No one can blame you for thinking like that though. Your heart has been broken one too many times, and not just by broken relationships. 

Deep down, you craved to find someone capable of understanding all of you, not just the pretty parts. You almost felt pathetic for pretending you didn’t need it and still thinking that way.

But deep down, you craved to find someone who wouldn’t be afraid of sticking around, someone who would never leave you because life tends to get hard.

It seemed nearly impossible to find a person like that without breaking your own heart, so you decided to retreat into your shell. Better to keep your heart safe and protected than put yourself out there and be broken all over again, right?

Those stupid love songs on the radio and the endless romantic stories of your friends’ dating lives, however, fueled your need for the same kind of connection only a few songwriters know how to put into words.

You wanted to fall in love, find the right person, and heal. You wanted to figure out why love wasn’t like the burning red of sex and passion but golden, like daylight. A love living for. A love fighting for.

You felt so stupid, secretly pining for an innocent childhood dream that eventually got crushed after years of heartbreak, but that is what happens when someone becomes chronically lonely. You turned to daydreaming because at least in your head, your life could be perfect. Not just good, not just livable, but filled with love and happiness.

Truth be told, when you’re your own worst enemy and have an inner saboteur set out to destroy everything that could be remotely good for you because you truly believe you don’t deserve it, it’s hard to allow yourself to be open. So perhaps that is why you chose to lock yourself away and live in delusion instead. Not facing reality became standard procedure in your way of life.

You tried blaming it on your past, your broken relationships, and disappointments, and while that played a big part in your trauma, you also slowly started to realize that you might have been hurting yourself so you wouldn’t have to open up ever again.

In an attempt to erase all the problems, you became the problem. You became your worst enemy, someone chasing ghosts that stayed long in the past and only came back to haunt the living shit out of you. But that’s a survivable condition. 

You tried therapy, you tried turning your life around and starting anew, and while that helped you find a job you love, find a nice group of friends, and make peace with what’s been broken, nothing else seemed to change. 

You had barely started putting yourself back together again when you bumped into him. You were late for a meeting, so your focus was on your phone instead of the street before you.

It was your fault. He was just trying to make his way over the sidewalk, his cane tapping in a steady rhythm to make his way forward, and you stepped right in the middle of it. 

You remember him grabbing your arm, catching you before you could fall. He wasn’t even irritated. When you looked up in shame, seeing the red glasses and the came, you begged for the floor to open up and swallow you whole. 

“I’m so sorry,” you said. “I wasn’t looking. Are you okay?”

But before you could go on a rant about your stupidity, he cut you off, and in the silkiest voice possible, he said, “I’m fine. Don’t worry about it. Are you?” 

“What?”

“Are you okay? You seem in a bit of a rush. Don’t want you to accidentally bump into a car next.” He chuckled, adjusting his glasses. Blood rushed to his cheeks. “That was a bad joke, sorry.”

You just about melted. “It’s okay,” you found yourself chuckling. “And so am I. I was too focused on my phone. That was my fault.”

“Don’t blame yourself. It happens,” he said. He was so calm about it, unlike other New Yorkers you’ve met before.

Maybe the fact that you found him extraordinarily attractive and easy to be around compelled you to ask if you could buy him a cup of coffee to make up for bumping into him, completely abandoning your plans to make it to your work meeting five minutes late.

He introduced himself as Matthew. A lawyer. Not one of those rich defense attorneys who simply do it for the money. No, he does it to help people, and you fell for him right then and there. 

Maybe it was fate, maybe it was destiny, or maybe it was just dumb luck, but that day, when you got home after work, his number in your phone and a stupidly giddy smile on your flushed face, you knew that you’d somehow been enchanted to meet him. 

You never believed in love at first sight until you bumped into Matt Murdock, but the second you did, your life flipped upside down and changed in ways you could have never predicted. 

It is possible that the song playing over the speakers in the café right before you bumped him played a part in how you perceived the interaction. You’ve never been one to believe in coincidences. Nothing is ever accidental, and neither was your meeting. It couldn’t have been. 

You found each other when you needed someone, anyone, both of you, and it stuck. Thankfully, it did. 

Summer that year was cruel with New York drowning in an excruciating heatwave. You’d been meeting up with Matt for a couple of weeks, but you didn’t have it in you to put a label on whatever delicate thing was starting to build between the two of you. You didn’t want to wrap your hand around it and accidentally shatter something you could see growing into something more in the future. 

He was unlike anyone you’d met before, and he treated you in a way that made you believe, finally, that you are worthy of love. Not just giving but receiving because Matt himself struggled to see his worth after years of being disappointed and being there for everyone but himself. 

Love is a fragile thing though, and you have never been quite good with fragile things.

After a night of drinking away your sorrows at a nearby bar, you made your way to his apartment. You took a cab, too wasted to find your way there by yourself. You remember that you were crying; you were miserable and loathing yourself for several reasons that didn’t even make sense to you then.

When you arrived there, you knocked on his door. You didn’t get an answer. Just as you started to turn around and make your way back outside, you could hear a thud from the other side of the door. Panic settled in. You didn’t even hesitate before you opened the door, which was surprisingly unlocked, and made your way into the dark interior of his apartment. 

Finding your blind, catholic not-boyfriend in a pool of his own blood, wearing a leather-clad suit with the horns of the devil had not been on your to-do list until that night. Reality hit you just as fast and knocked sobriety back into your senses as the adrenaline started to take over. 

He let out a grunt. Your name passed his lips. He sounded so weak, so fragile, and you just stood there, your heart pumping too much blood for your body to handle. 

“What the fuck?!” you said. You didn’t yell, you didn’t snap, you simply didn’t know how to process this information. 

You were well aware of the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen parading outside at night, beating up criminals and giving them a good fright—Matt did not fit the picture you had of the guy until you saw him lying there, obviously injured. 

“It’s not what it looks like,” he said hoarsely. He tried to roll over, but the pain turned out to be too severe. 

Needless to say, he passed out on you without a proper explanation, and you somehow had to use what little you could remember from first-aid to help this bleeding mess of a man. You feared that you would lose him that night, and that was when you realized that, on top of falling for him, you didn’t care who he was, you only needed him to live.

When he woke up to you hovering over him, he groaned. “I’m sorry,” was all he said. “I’d understand if–”

“Don’t talk,” you cut him off with a finger on his lips. You wouldn’t let him push you away. Not after everything you’d been through.

He tried to sit up. “I didn’t know how to tell you.”

“It’s not exactly something you lead with on a first date. I get it. What I don’t get…”

“I didn’t lie,” it was his turn to cut you off. You remember looking up at him, and you heard him out. You had to. In your mind, there is an explanation for everything, and you were once again proven right at that moment.

He bared his life story to you, how he survived through tragedies no human should ever have to face. How he turned blind, how his senses heightened, and how he lost the one person he could always count on. When his father died, something changed in Matt. He tried to go straight, to do his father proud, but he couldn’t ignore this desperate need for justice forever. He felt cursed. So, he became someone who could make a difference, and not just as a lawyer.

He expected you to walk out, but you didn’t. You saw him for who he was, and you accepted him.

“I think I’m falling for you, and it scares the hell out of me,” you blurted out that night.

He stared at you, his unfocused eyes bewildered, his lips moving soundlessly as he tried to find an answer.

Just when you thought he would break your heart after putting your trust in him, he let out a shaky sigh and he kissed you.

He wasn’t ready to say it back just yet, but he spoke to you through actions that made you feel confident in what you were growing again.

You somehow already knew back then that Matt Murdock would be the man you one day would marry and spend the rest of your life with. 

The truth is, you two have been through a lot throughout your relationship. It hasn’t always been smooth sailing, but you would be lying if you said that it wasn’t worth it. 

From the moment you met him to the countless dates, sharing coffees over empty takeout containers, kissing in the rain, Daredevil, fighting over the beautiful women in his life that almost broke you, and fighting over his desperate need to push those away who only want what is good for him because he is own worst saboteur.

It all led you down a journey that turned out to be harder than expected and not at all the love story you envisioned, but it still turned out to be the best thing that has ever happened to you. He is the best thing that has ever happened to you. 

You used to run away from happiness out of fear of getting hurt, and Matt did the same. He feared to admit it, but then he met you and he finally realized that running was of no use because you were more than ready to stick around through everything. Through every disaster and heartache—through every broken bone, you stuck around.

You saw something in him from the moment you met that no one can ever take away. You got a taste of heaven from the devil himself, and even though he was darker than the sunshine you wished for in your life, you managed to find a way to bring some light into his life. 

You are sunshine, even on your worst days, and he’s midnight rain. But you love the rain. You love him. 

Your first kiss happened in the rain. He took your hand and asked you to dance, and you did. You danced to the sound of the raindrops pattering against the asphalt beneath your feet, and it was the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen—Matt engulfed in the soft moonlight, his hand in yours, and a big smile on his irresistible lips. 

You want more of those nights. Even the nights you’ve had to patch him up or hold him as he broke down from all the weight he often enough carries on his shoulders, you want more of those. You want all of them.

You want him and all the strings attached to him, no matter how painful because ever since he can remember, people have walked out on Matt and hurt him in ways you can only fathom. You don’t want to be that person. 

He opened up to you. He decided to be vulnerable. He stood with you through everything and fought for you when you thought you two wouldn’t last.

He gave you his best smile and his tears, and he laughed with you every night that you waited up for him to come home safely. He quickly became the moonlight to your sun—it is a different kind of light, but it is a light that sustains you nonetheless. 

You want all of his laughter and never miss it again. You want his smiles. You want his tears. You want to spend every waking second with him. You want to miss him and welcome him back home after an agonizingly long night of worrying. You want to cheer him up in court and be his lucky charm. You want to wear his initial on a chain around your neck, in Braille, because he got it for you on your birthday. 

“I know I don’t own you,” he said to you, “but I love you. And I know you. I want you to carry me close to your heart the same way I’ll always carry you close to mine.”

And his, you are. You’re no one else’s but his, and even if that sounds a bit territorial, you don’t care. You want all of it and more because it’s Matt you’re talking about, no one else. Not a stranger but the man you love so desperately it hurts sometimes.

All the girls he loved before don’t matter because he’s got you now. You forgave him more times than he probably deserved. You held on when he barely had any strength left. In return, he has shown the same kind of devotion to you time and time again. How can you ever say no to any of that when you are so in love? 

All those memories replay in sudden flashing sequences right in front of your inner eye. You love him more than anyone has ever loved him. You pulled him out of a very dark hole. You saved his life. And he saved yours. 

As he’s kneeling in front of you now, your hand in his and clutching the small, velvety box in his other, your life passes by before your eyes. Your life alone and your life together. You recount every memory in a millisecond, too shocked to even comprehend what is happening. But it is happening. 

Matt Murdock is kneeling on the floor before you, the glitter, confetti, and sticky champagne someone spilled earlier most likely leaving a stain on his good dress pants, but he remains unwavering in his decision to open that little box and show you what he’s been hiding for a while. 

It’s a diamond ring, something he probably took months to save up for. It’s small yet elegant, and it’s staring right at you. He’s taken his glasses off to try and do the same. You would marry him with paper rings, that much is true. 

Matt says your name oh-so-softly. “Will you marry me?” Four words that stop your heart and restart it at the same time. 

He sees right through you. You see right through him. Even in your worst times, you were there for each other, and now he’s asking you to spend the rest of your life with him. Together. To give him all of your days and nights and he will give you all of his in return. He is asking you the question you’ve been wondering if he would ever ask it, and he did. 

The fireworks go off in the distance, in your stomach, everywhere. The new year has rounded the corner. People are cheering and celebrating around you, but you don’t pay attention to them. 

The clock strikes midnight and with the softest smile, you say, “Yes.” You don’t need to tell him that you would do it a million times over because he knows. He knows your heartbeat, and he knows that you would never lie to him. 

He doesn’t waste time to pull you into his arms and kiss you softly, passionately, as if both of your lives depend on it. 

It’s a bit cliché, to get proposed to on New Year’s Eve. To start the new year with the man you love and a ring on your finger. But that only means that you will still be together on New Year’s Day, and all the days after that. 

Matt chose you. You chose Matt. You chose a life together that is as unpredictable as they come, but at least you have each other to hold onto. 

And he will never be just the stranger that you bumped into in front of your favorite corner café ever again. You have him now. Maybe that was your plan all along. Maybe you are the mastermind he knows that you are. None of it was accidental. 

And now, Matt Murdock is yours. Forever and always. 

[babymetaldoll]

DIWK - Chapter eight: "There is no I in Team"

Word count: 8,4K

Summary: It's Spencer's birthday, and the team meets Mikey, Lu, and Frank. Reader is no longer in denial, but she has no idea what she is doing. Also, Rossi is here.

Warnings: Cursing, frustration, please don't hate me.

A/N: Hi! I hope you enjoy this fluffy chapter 'cos... well... things are a few chapters away from getting a little messed up. Thank you for all the support! your likes and comments keep me writing! Love you all!

Masterlist

Chapter one | Chapter two | Chapter three | Chapter four | Chapter five | Chapter six | Chapter seven | Chapter eight | Chapter nine | Chapter ten | Chapter eleven | Chapter twelve | Chapter thirteen | Chapter fourteen | Chapter fifteen |

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(Y/N)'s point of view

Suddenly, working at the BAU wasn't just catching serial killers. After almost two years at the FBI, I was dealing with some serious issues that were starting to get in the middle of me and work: Spencer Walter Reid.

I didn't want to face it, and I knew I was trying to deny it as much as I could, but even when I kept telling everybody no, deep down, I knew the answer was yes.

I was falling for my best friend.

But I refused to deal with my feelings. There were more important things to do, like catching killers and celebrating Spencer's 26 birthday. So yes, I was screwed.

Penelope organized a breakfast celebration at the BAU with the whole team on his birthday, and I was in charge of the cake. I baked it myself the day before, and Lu decided to help me. And by "help me," apparently, she actually meant "drive me crazy."

- "So, when is Spencer's birthday?"- she sat and sipped her tea at the kitchen island as I continued mixing ingredients.

- "Sunday, October 28th, why?"

- "Just asking. And what's the plan?"

- "Tomorrow Friday, we'll throw an early birthday breakfast at the BAU. Then, I was planning to have a huge surprise party for Spencer here Saturday night. If we are called on a case, then we are doomed. But if we are home, we should definitely celebrate Batsy's day."

- "Aha"- I cut her a questioning gaze, and she just smiled- "I was just trying to make conversation."

- "Ok..."

- "And waiting patiently for you to face the fact you are in love with Spencer."

I nearly dropped the mixer bowl as soon as I heard those words.

- "Lu, what the fuck?!"- I knew I was all kinds of shades of pink, but I did my best to keep my cool and pretend to be stony.

- "I'm just saying it's about time you drop the act and deal with your feelings."

I hated the fact she was right. I was in love with Reid. But I didn't want to talk about it. Honestly, I wasn't ready to acknowledge those feelings out loud 'cause it would make them real. And all I wanted at that minute was to pretend those feelings didn't exist.

- "The only feeling I am dealing with right now is with how pissed I am with your innuendo."

I turned my back at Lu and started looking for the right pan for the batter. I had bought three sizes just to make sure I'd get it right. I also made a mental note not to tell her that.

- "There's no innuendo. I'm telling you upfront. I know you are in love with Spencer."

- "What?!"- Lu laughed and walked to the kettle to pour herself another cup of tea.

- "You do remember I've known you since we were six years old, right?"

- "Yes, I remember that. But that doesn't mean you know how I feel about Spencer."

- "No, of course not. It means you can stop acting. I see through you! you are baking the man a cake."

- "So?"- I looked at her and raised an eyebrow, trying my best to look serious and not busted at all.

- "So you've never baked a cake for me, or Mikey, or Frank!"

- "Well, if you are all jealous, I'll bake one for your birthday then!"

- "(Y/N), please. The cake is just an example. You and I both know you are in love with him."

- "I am not"- I sighed and turned off the mixer, 'cos the batter was ready.

- "(Y/N)"- my friend whispered a few seconds later in a softer voice.

- "Lu?"

- "You are in love with Spencer Reid."

I took a deep breath and crossed my arms on my chest as I looked at her. She was smiling, pleased. It made me think of Frank's request a few months earlier when he asked me he and the guys wanted me to date Reid. I thought it had been cute. Now I was wondering if they all suspected I had feelings for my best friend.

- "Lucy, why are you so obsessed with this?"

- "'Cause he is in love with you too, and I want you to be happy"- and her answer kind of broke my heart.

- "Reid is not in love with me,"- I whispered and returned to the cake to pour the batter into the pans.

- "Why are you so sure?"

- "'Cos I know him! And I know he is in love with someone else"- Lu frowned and shook her head, in disagreement with my words. Like she knew him better.

- "Spencer Reid is in love with you, (Y/N). I've known it since the day I met him."

- "Spencer Reid is in love with JJ. I've known it since the day I met him 'cos he actually asked her out."

- "Oh, come on! You told me that story! Nothing happened!"

- "'Cos she doesn't like him, but you should see him when he is around her! and now that she is dating, it's so obviously killing him!"

I let my arms fall at my sides, defeated, and Lu tapped on the seat next to her. So I sat by her side and held the cup of tea I had left forgotten earlier when I had started baking.

- "So, tell me why you think Reid likes JJ"- Lu demanded, and I somehow managed to tell her what I felt without looking desperate. Or that's what I thought.

- "He worships the floor she walks upon. And I get it, she is cute, she is fun, blond, and friendly. I bet every guy she meets loves her. And it's awful 'cos I love her too, she is my friend. She's the sweetest."

- "But?"

- "But what?"

- "Sounded like you were going to tell me something like "But I hate her 'cos I am in love with Reid."

- "I don't hate JJ! I'm happy she has Will, though she hasn't told us about it. And I love working with her! she is sweet and amazing!"

- "But you are sure Reid loves her"- I just nodded- "Well, you are wrong."

- "Trust me, I'm not."

- "Well, then I'll have to meet that JJ girl and see if Reid looks in love with her."

- "How are you planning to do that?"

- "I don't know"- Lu simply shrugged and smiled- "Something will come up."

And something did come up. Spencer's birthday party. October 28th, 2007.

We threw him a surprise party at my apartment, and everybody came. Derek, Garcia, Prentiss, JJ, Hotch, Lu, Mikey, and Frank. It wasn't just Spencer's 26th birthday party. It was me not hiding anymore. I couldn't hide myself from the team if everybody were invited to my house and about to meet my friends. But I didn't care. I didn't actually think about it much at the moment, 'cos all I cared about was giving Spencer the best surprise birthday party on earth.

And I think I nailed it, 'cos he had no idea what was going on when he knocked on my door at eight. He was innocently holding a bag with some snacks I had asked him to bring for the movie marathon I told him we would have. And he believed me. He was adorable.

As soon as I opened the door and saw him there, my heart skipped a beat. Maybe that's why I didn't say much; I just smiled and invited him in.

- "Is your electricity out? Why are all your lights off, (Y/N)?"- he innocently asked, right before turning on the light and hearing everybody yelling "Surprise!!"

- "What the..."- Reid looked around in shock, not getting what was going on. Frank jumped over and nearly tackled him with a hug, making me laugh. Garcia turned to me in shock, but I just shook my head. That's Frank.

- "Happy barf day, doc!"

- "Thank you so much! Hey!"- Spencer looked around and looked at me. I smiled and watched how everybody got closer to him and hugged him. I don't know if he was ok with it, but he didn't seem to complain. The birthday boy hugged everybody that night.

Spencer's point of view

I don't think anyone had ever thrown me a surprise party before. I never suspected it. Not even a little. I was so glad they had done it, though. I was so happy to have friends and family to share that day with.

It was my fourth birthday at the BAU, the second (Y/N) had organized, and somehow I didn't feel alone anymore. People weren't friendly to me for being condescending. They actually liked me.

- "Doc! You are gonna love these!"- Frank nearly tackled me with his present- "It's from Mikey and me. We thought you might appreciate some new addition to your collection."

I chuckled and held the vinyl records he had given me: Elton John, The Clash, and Arctic Monkeys.

- "Collection?"- Morgan asked and looked at me, surprised- "You collect vinyl records, Reid?"

- "Yeah, I do actually,"- I smiled and kept my eyes on the records- "I think it's a unique classic format. It sounds better than digital, and it includes warmth, richness, and depth to the music you don't find in a cd or mp3."

- "And not just classical music?"- Derek was somehow surprised- "You actually listen to any other musical genre?"

- "What are you talking about?"- I argued, almost insulted- "Just because you think I'm a nerd doesn't mean I only listen to classical music. Last year I got a Johnny Cash record. You were there!"

Morgan raised his hands and smiled, defeated. I chuckled and looked at Frank and Mikey.

- "Thank you, guys."

- "Don't worry about it, come here"- Mikey opened his arms and pulled me into a hug. I tapped on his back and smiled.

I noticed JJ's look at Penelope and wondered if she was surprised I had friends out of the BAU. (Y/N) and I were always together, and we usually talked about what we do with her friends during the weekend. Our friends. They were our friends.

- "We already gave him his presents this morning,"- Garcia explained to Frank. I don't know why maybe she thought it was necessary to make sure he understood and let them know they weren't the only ones who had given me presents.

- "Ok, kids, we've got pizza, beer, and a Halloween cupcake for the birthday boy"- (Y/N) walked over and put on a party hat on my head. I smiled and also received the bottle of beer she handed me.

- "Thank you, chipmunk"- I whispered and felt her arm around my waistline, wrapping me sweetly as she rested her body against my side.

- "You are welcome, honey. Happy birthday."

The way she looked at me made me feel I was the most important person in the world for her for a solid minute. And I wondered how I could make her feel the same.

- "So, doc. How was the cake?"- Lu stood by my side and smiled at JJ, who was just talking to me about nothing important.

- "Good! It was delicious! Did you help (Y/N) bake it?"

- "No!"- she shook her head and chuckled- "I just came for moral support yesterday."

- "It was good! Real good! you can't go wrong with chocolate and raspberries."

- "I'm glad"- she smiled and looked at JJ. I shook my head, embarrassed, and made the proper introductions, though (Y/N) had already done it.

- "You have been (Y/N)'s friend since you were kids, right?"- JJ asked, and Lu smiled again, nodding.

- "We were all neighbors growing up. And... you and doc, how long have you been working together?"

- "For the last... three years, I'm the communication liaison of the team"- Lu nodded and sipped her cup of tea.

- "He has been an incredible addition to the Three Stooges' lives"- Lucy joked and turned to me for a moment. Then, she scanned my face carefully, keeping a big, warm smile on her face.

- "Mikey and Frank were so excited to hang out with you. They keep hoping to find Lila Archer each time they go to your house."

I heard JJ laughing and looking at me, surprised. Lu just kept her eyes on her tea for a moment and then stuck out her tongue to me playfully.

- "Lila Archer?"- JJ asked, shocked- "Are you two still talking? Is there something I don't know about?"

- "No! no!"- I quickly tried to explain- "The guys are obsessed with her. Frank, mostly, and they love to bug me with her."

I turned and looked at them. Frank was hugging (Y/N), and Mikey kept trying to steal her beer from her hands as she just chuckled. I stared at them for a second, and I know I smiled. Somehow I felt slightly jealous of Frank and Mikey for always being so physical with her, not overthinking everything they did around her. I always wished I could be like that. But then again, they weren't in love with her.

- "So you and (Y/N)'s friends get along pretty well"- JJ's voice was curious. I kept thinking she was shocked I had other friends.

- "Actually, we consider Spencer our friend,"- Lu answered and chuckled- "Please, don't tell them I told you this, but they always get excited to see you."

- "Me?"- I was shocked- "Why me?"

- "'Cos they admire you a lot. Frank keeps saying you are the coolest guy he has ever known."

I didn't know what to answer. I had never been one of the popular guys, so having Lu telling me those guys thought I was cool was pretty shocking and heartwarming.

- "Hey, doc! I heard you met Mrs. (Y/L/N),"- Frank said from the other side of the room, causing everybody to look at me. I nodded awkwardly and took a sip of my beer- "She's hot, isn't she?"

- "Frank!!"- (Y/N) yelled and hit his arm- "You are talking about my mom!!"

- "I am not ashamed, Nugget! You know what I think about her!"

- "Wait, princess!"- Morgan was still laughing when he started talking- "Your mom is Mrs. Robinson?"

- "I don't know! Frank is just a perv!"- my best friend argued, looking disgusted.

- "Your mom is a hottie. Deal with it!! Mikey thinks so too!!"- Frank threw his friend under the bus trying to save his own ass. Everybody kept laughing as (Y/N) gasped and turned to see him.

- "You are a sick bastard too!!"

- "I haven't said anything!!"- Mikey tried to explain, but it was useless. Everybody kept chuckling.

- "You are thinking about my mom!!"

- "Well, I'm pretty sure Reid thought about her too!"

- "What?! Why me?!"- I shrieked, and I know I blushed.

- "You saw Mrs. (Y/L/N)! Didn't you think she was hot?"- Mikey looked at me and snickered.

- "She was very welcoming and cordial with me"- I tried to say the most neutral things possible.

- "Dude! come on! she is hot!"- Frank argued and looked at me in shock

- "She is my friend's mother!"

- "Yes! please stop talking about my mother!!"- (Y/N) kind of shouted but chuckled a little at the end.- "Instead, can we talk about how hot Morgan looks tonight?"

- "What?"- Derek raised an eyebrow- "Where is that coming from, princess?"

- "Pure honestly"- (Y/N) replied with a warm smile- "Doesn't he, Garcia?"

- "My chocolate thunder is always the center of my attention,"- Penelope answered and winked at Morgan- "And it's not just tonight. He is always delicious."

I shook my head and took a look around. All my friends were together in the same room. For the first time ever. Only Ethan was missing.

- "(Y/N), where do you have more dishes?"- Prentiss asked her as (Y/N) walked back from the kitchen, carrying a tray with drinks.

- "I'll help you"- I quickly ran to the kitchen and grabbed a few more dishes, plus napkins and a few coasters.

- "Thank you, honey bunny"- (Y/N) whispered and smiled at me when I walked back with everything.

- "You surely know your way around this house."- JJ pointed out, with a somehow suspicious tone of voice.

- "We hang out here a lot."- I explained and looked around, trying to find my beer.

- "Here you have, doc"- Mikey handed me a cold one, and I nodded- "The band has a gig Halloween night. If you are in town, you have to go."

- "Sure! I'd love to!"

- "You have a band?"- Garcia asked awed, and Mikey nodded- "You two? together?"

- "Yeah"- Mikey confirmed and looked at Frank, who talked with Morgan and (Y/N)- "Nugget and the doc are our biggest fans. They never miss a show when they are in town."

- "You go to rock shows?!"- Garcia was now in shock and hit my arm- "Does he go to the shows wearing band's t-shirts and jeans?! or in his usual wardrobe??"

Mikey chuckled and looked at me with a confused stare.

- "They don't hang out with you outside work a lot, do they?"

- "Yes! We do!"- and Penelope nearly jumped, insulted by those words- "We are just surprised 'cos there's a whole lot of our resident genius we haven't seen yet! like... going to rock shows!"

- "So you haven't seen him drunk? 'cos drunk doc is a beast!"

- "I am not a beast!"

- "I haven't seen him drunk! Boy wonder!! Why are you wilder with (Y/N)'s friends and not with us?"

- "We are his friends too,"- Mikey corrected her and smiled- "And we might push doc a little further, like the day we bet we couldn't drink a box of milk in 30 seconds."

I laughed, thinking about that moment, embarrassed and amused at the same time. It was true; the guys and I had a completely different dynamic than the one I had with my work team. Probably because from day one, neither Lu, Mikey, nor Frank labeled me as a dork. Well, sure, I was one, but so were them. They made me part of the group instead of being the "weird one" of the group. Somehow with Mikey, Lu, and Frank, I could be just plain Spencer and not Doctor Reid and allow myself to do silly, weird, dorky things, not afraid to be judged.

- "When did that happen?!"- JJ was in shock, overhearing that conversation and walking over with Lu.

- "A few weeks ago,"- Mikey answered and chuckled. I wasn't drunk that night; we just had a few beers. And it had been Frank who was incredibly persuasive about trying the milk challenge.

- "I made an equation, and we tried to beat it,"- I explained JJ, and Mikey laughed right away- "According to it, a regular human being might drink a whole box of milk in 33,3 seconds, and Frank argue he could do it in 30."

- "Spoiler, he couldn't"- Mikey added- "But he gave it a good fight, nearly died, choking."

- "Technically, he would have drowned"- I corrected- "It's called "dry drowning." It happens when water is in the mouth or nose and the vocal cords spasm, trapping the water, causing the person to asphyxiated."

- "That's a real thing?"- Garcia questioned in shock.

- "Yes, you drown, but you don't get any water in your lungs. Instead, it goes through your nose and your mouth, and the muscles close off and spasm."

- "Wow"- Mikey tapped on my back a few times and smiled- "I love that you know so much weird shit, doc. Happy birthday!"

- "Thank you..."

My birthday celebration was a blast. Mikey, Lu, and Frank were the hit of the party, and the BAU loved them. Penelope had a rocky start with Mikey, I think 'cos she was a little jealous I had done more weird things with them than with her, but everything was smooth after they shared their third beer.

I laughed so much my face hurt. Morgan and Frank told the weirdest and most incredible stories. Prentiss came up with a few fun games to play, and everybody was on board with them. Even Hotch. Lu and JJ talked a lot, and the two of them seemed to get along just fine.

(Y/N) was incredible. She made sure everything was perfect. The fact my birthday party had Halloween decorations melted my heart. She had all my favorite snacks, pizza toppings, and drinks. Even a Halloween cupcake. What else could I ask for in life? I had everything I always dreamt of: a family. And a best friend who loved me. Not in the same way I did love her, but you can't always have everything in life, right?

- "Thank you for everything, Munchkin!!"- one drunk Garcia hugged (Y/N) for the hundredth time, standing by the door. At two in the morning, she was the only one left, along with Morgan, who was her drive back home.

- "See you Monday at work, batgirl"- (Y/N) hugged her and giggled as Garcia nearly choked her with her tight embrace.

- "And you come here!!"- Penelope hugged me too and kissed my cheek- "I love you so much, boy wonder!! I'm so happy you are happy, 'cos you deserve to be the happiest you can be!"

- "Thank you, Garcia,"- I giggled and looked at Morgan- "Are you going to be ok?"

- "Hey!"- Penelope hit my arm (for the hundredth time that night) and frowned- "What do you mean if he is going to be ok? I can behave!"

- "I know you can! I'm sure you can! I'm asking Morgan 'cos it's late and he has to drive!"

- "I'm gonna be ok, kid."- Derek answered and smiled at me- "Do you need a ride?"- I shook my head and heard the words I was secretly waiting to listen to all night long.

- "You can crush the couch if you want to,"- (Y/N) suggested and turned to me, shrugging.

- "I can help you clean,"- I added right away, and she smiled. Morgan stayed still, staring at me, and I swear he was trying to read every single facial movement I could do. So I just looked at him and smiled.

- "Ok then, we'll leave you two alone. See you Monday at work"- Derek tapped on my back and gave (Y/N) a small hug. Garcia winked and walked out.

Just like that, it was finally just the two of us.

- "Did you have fun?"- (Y/N) whispered after she closed the door and rested her back against the wood. I nodded and smiled, staring at her eyes shine.

- "Very much. This was actually my first surprise party."

- "Ever?"- (Y/N) questioned and frowned- "Really? then I am glad I didn't know that before, 'cos I don't think I could have managed the pressure of having to make you the best surprise party on earth."

- "You raised to the occasion"- she smiled and walked to the kitchen. And I followed her.

- "Are you hungry?"- I heard her asking as she opened the fridge. I grabbed a bunch of dishes and glasses on my way to the kitchen and piled them on the sink.

- "Not really. I think it was really too much pizza."

- "Spencer Walter Reid, there is never enough pizza,"- she argued, trying to stay serious.

- "My stomach is telling me otherwise."

- "So there's no room left for a slice of chocolate raspberry cake?"- I turned around and found her smiling from the fridge. She held a cake and giggled playfully.

- "You baked another?"

- "I had some free time this morning, and I had the feeling this is how the evening was going to end."

I don't think there are enough words in the vocabulary to express how those words made me feel. And most of all, I don't think my brain functioned correctly each time (Y/N) looked at me how she was going that moment.

- "So honey. You, me, your new blu ray of the 7th season of Doctor Who."

- "Which blu ray?"

- "The one I just got you, dork."

When I thought I couldn't love her more. There it was. My doom.

- "You are just making this incredibly impossible for your birthday,"- I joked, and she burst out laughing.

- "You can see through me, doctor. I hate it."

- "I'm the best profiler in the BAU, (Y/N)."

- "Really? then why didn't you discover I was planning this party?"- I made a pause and bit my inner cheek. (Y/N) turned to me again and crossed her arms on her chest, waiting for an answer.

- "I'm guessing 'cos you are the best liar in the BAU."

- "You are god damn right."

We cleaned the living room, left most of the dirty dishes piled on the sink to take care of them in the morning. Then we cuddled on the couch with a cup of tea and some cake each.

- "Are you comfortable?"- I asked her wrapping my arm around her neck as she rested her head on my shoulder.

- "Perfect, you?"

- "Me too"

- "Hit it, then. It's time travel time, doc."

(Y/N)'s point of view

I woke up in Spencer's arms. He was taking me bridal style to my room. My face was pressed against his chest, and I swear I felt butterflies in my stomach just feeling his smell.

- "What is going on?"- I mumbled and saw him smiling at me.

- "You were snoring on the couch, so I'm taking you to bed."- he whispered, placing me carefully on my bed. Then, he took out my shoes and covered me with the blanket.

- "Stay,"- I pleaded and held his hand- "Don't sleep on the couch tonight. Stay with me."

I kept my eyes closed, 'cos it was embarrassing to see him as I asked him to sleep with me on the same bed.

- "Are you sure?"

- "It's your birthday. You can't sleep on a couch. And it's not like it hadn't happened before."

I knew I was right. We had slept together in the same room many times while we were out of town during cases. We had also slept together in the same bed before when Reid was detoxing in my house; though we never actually talked about it, it just happened. Those times we literally just passed out due to exhaustion. But this time was different. That was me asking him to stay with me. And he didn't refuse.

I heard him take off his shoes and then walked around the room until he reached the other side of the bed and got under the covers with me.

- "Good night, batsy,"- I whispered and snuggled closer to him. He didn't even hesitate and hugged me tight, leaving a sweet kiss on the top of my head.

- "Good night, chipmunk"- his voice was soft and careful, just as his hands were caressing my back. I sighed and snuggled even closer, craving more of his touch.

- "Happy birthday, honey bunny."

- "Thank you, ma chère"- those words gave me shivers, and the way he murmured them made me feel things I shouldn't have felt for him, especially if he was in that bed with me.

I didn't want to be in love with Spencer. But I couldn't stop those feelings. I had to remind myself he didn't see me the same way. It was hard to deal with those feelings when I was cuddled with him in my bed. And I knew I had gotten under that situation willingly. But I just couldn't help myself. For once, I wanted to know what it felt like to sleep in Spencer's arms. I could pretend to be cool the following day, but right there under those blankets, all I wanted was to pretend he loved me the way I loved him.

Is that too sad? Maybe pathetic? Holding your best friend close in the middle of the night, pretending he is your boyfriend. Feeling how you fall deeper and deeper in love with him, knowing you will never actually kiss him or even romantically hold his hand. But it doesn't matter, 'cos what he gives you every day is way more important than that.

I snuggled closer to Spencer, feeling how he locked his arms around me. I inhaled deeply, trying to burn in my memory how everything felt like. I looked at him for a second and decided to force myself to sleep. I knew it would be hard, 'cos though I was weary, I wanted to enjoy that moment for as long as possible.

There I was, The Ice Princess like Paul had called me once, melted in Spencer's arms, wishing there was a way to stay there forever.

- "Are you ok?"- I heard Reid whisper suddenly, slightly moving to put an eye on me.

- "Yeah, why?"

- "Because you can't sleep."

- "Am I keeping you up?"

- "No... I was worried you weren't comfortable."

- "I am"- I murmured and sighed- "I was just going over the day again. But I'll fall asleep in a minute."

- "Ok..."

- "Are you comfortable?"- he hummed in response and caressed my back sweetly until I started zoning out slowly.

I didn't want to fall asleep, 'cos being awake for once was better than dreaming.

Yes. As cheesy as that.

I woke up to the smell of coffee the next morning. Spencer had made breakfast, and he had also done pretty much all the dishes. As a result, my house was cleaner than it was before the party.

- "You didn't have to clean the whole place on your own,"- I argued as I sat at the kitchen island and sipped my cup of coffee.

- "I know, but I wanted to thank you for throwing an amazing party- Spencer smiled and held his cup of coffee with both hands for a moment- I wanted to make you breakfast, but all I managed to do was the Spencer Reid Special

- "You know I love it!"- I chuckled and watched him turn around to get me a bowl of cereal and milk.

- "Breakfast of champs!"- I teased and grabbed my spoon- "Did you sleep well?"

- "Yes, very much. You?"

- "I don't think I sleep. I fell unconscious. I didn't even hear you get out of bed. I was too tired. It's been a long couple of weeks."- I chewed my cereal as Spencer sat across from me.

- "Yes. But we've managed well without Gideon"- Spencer brought him up, and that surprised me. He hadn't talked about him or even said Gideon's name for the last few weeks.

- "Yeah, we did a fantastic job"- I reassured his words, and he nodded in silence- "Are you excited to meet David Rossi?"

- "Yeah! I mean, that man is a legend. I can't believe he wants to leave retirement and join the BAU again after all these years."

- "I heard he is freaking loaded"- I finished my cereal and sipped my coffee- "Garcia told me that he shouldn't even work anymore with all the money he has made from his book."

- "Why do you think he wants to come back to the BAU?"- Spencer asked and looked into my eyes with a childish expression.

- "I have no idea. Maybe being a millionaire is not as exciting as catching serial killers."

I stood up as I spoke and opened the fridge. There was still some cake left, and I knew Spencer would love to have his sugary coffee with even more sugar.

- "Or perhaps he has unfinished business,"- he said and smiled as soon as he saw the pastry.

- "I just hope he is nice. I don't want to deal with an asshole with a gigantic ego who can't handle working as a team."

- "I heard Hotch saying he is very nice."

- "Assholes are usually nice with Hotch."

- "Are you implying Hotch is an asshole?"- I set to dishes and frowned at Reid as I cut a slice of cake.

- "No! I am saying assholes respect him. And they are colleagues. I don't know if Rossi will work well with younger people, though."

- "We'll have to see tomorrow."

Reid was right. And I didn't want to create a false idea of David Rossi in my head before I met him. I had already read all of his books, and when Hotch told us he might join the team, I hyperventilated for a bit of bit. I mean it when I say David Rossi is a legend. Working along with him would be the most incredible experience ever. But only if he was nice.

I had worked hard for almost two years to get where I was in the BAU. And I didn't want to go through the whole process again, proving to Rossi I deserved to be where I was.

- "So, do you have any plans for today?"- Spencer asked me suddenly, and I just shook my head- "Mikey said they had a show on October 31st."

- "Yes! And that happens to be also Frank's birthday! So be prepared, 'cos if we are in town, we are gonna party hard that night!!"- Spencer smiled and nodded.

- "Then maybe we could go get him a present later,"- he suggested.

- "Deal. And perhaps some new Halloween decorations."

Oh! His excited face was priceless. That boy loves Halloween as much as I do, and each year we got all the best decor to keep our houses festive all year long. 'Cos we are Halloween dorks.

- "You know, Garcia and JJ were pretty shocked last night when they found out I go out and party with you and the guys."

- "Why?"- I cut him a second slice of cake and put it on his dish. He shrugged and sipped his coffee.

- "I guess they didn't know I am human."

- "Don't say that, honey."

- "It was a little upsetting too."

- "Why?"

- "'Cos they kept calling them "your friends," referring to you, and they kept telling them they are my friends too. What? So now I can't party or have friends?"

Spencer was honestly upset with those facts, and I could totally understand why. Everybody treated him like a kid and a nerd. They now knew he did things that weren't expected from someone like him, like going to rock shows and partying. So, of course, they were going to be shocked.

- "Have I ever told you meeting you is the best thing that the BAU has given me?"- I answered, in a rush of honesty that came out of nowhere.

- "No"- he mumbled and pouted like a kid- "Why are you telling me this?"

- "'Cos I wanted you to know."- I smiled and stared at him for a second- "Never let anyone make you feel you are less than awesome, Spencer Walter Reid. 'Cause you are the most amazing person I've ever met."

The way he looked at me, in a weird mix between shock and gratitude, melted me. After that, he didn't say anything; he just blushed. And I guess I was too scared to continue talking, 'cause all I managed to do next was excuse myself and lock in the bathroom to shower.

Spencer's point of view

I walked into the bullpen the following Monday, ready to spread my Halloween love. After spending Sunday with (Y/N), I was in a fully Halloween mood. We had gotten Frank a birthday present, also did some Halloween shopping, and even got pumpkins to carve that day after work. October is my favorite month, and Halloween is hands down my favorite season.

- "I'm going to eat you!!"- I groaned on Morgan's neck and made him jump in frighten as Prentiss laughed, staring at the scene. I was wearing a Frankenstein mask, carrying bags of candies and a bunch of decorations for my desk and the office.

- "Reid!"- Derek complained, but I just smiled and took off my mask.

- "Happy all hallows eve, folk!!"- I waved and walked to my desk- "To paraphrase from Celtic mythology, tomorrow night, all order is suspended, and the barriers between the natural and the supernatural are temporarily removed!!"- I joked and threw Emily a plastic vudú head. But Morgan wasn't in the mood, I guess.

- "See, that right there is why Halloween creeps me out."

- "You are scared of Halloween??"- I narrowed my eyes and looked at him, not getting what he was talking about.

- "I didn't say I was scared. I said I was creeped out. There's a difference there, youngster. You should look it out."

- "What creeps you out about it?"- Emily asked what I was about to.

- "I don't know, people wearing masks"- he pointed at me and added- "I don't like folks in disguises."

- "That's the best thing about Halloween. You can be anyone you want to be"- I argued and threw some candies to him to cheer up his morning.

- "Nah, I'm pretty good just being me."

- "Yeah, why is it that neither of those points of view surprises me?"

Emily joked and shook her head. I was about to discuss Morgan's point when I saw (Y/N) walk into the bullpen. She was carrying a gigantic plastic Jacko lantern while wearing a zombie mask we had just gotten together the day before.

- "I want brain!!"- she moaned, and Emily laughed as soon as she saw her.

- "Not you too, princess!!"- Morgan whined as soon as he saw her- "We were just talking about this."

- "What? You are not a Halloween fan?"

- "Not as much as you two nerds"- he answered and shook his head- "You know what, though? On the flip side, it does provide a pretty good reason to cozy up with a scary flick and a little Halloween honey."

And as soon as Derek said those words, (Y/N) and Emily frowned, disgusted.

- "Halloween honey, now I am creeped out,"- Emily argued, and (Y/N) shook her head, leaving the Jacko lantern on her desk carefully.

- "Guys, he's here,"- I warned them, trying to be as discreet as possible, but I don't think it worked. David Rossi walked over, along with section chief Erin Strauss. (Y/N) made a gesture and reminded me to take off my mask, as I quickly did my best to look presentable. Rossi just smiled at us and walked straight to Hotch's office.

- "So, do you guys think he is going to stay here for good?"- (Y/N) asked, standing by my side. She reached out and handed me a bag filled with my favorite candies for no reason and just smiled.

- "I don't know. Maybe they asked him to fill in while they find a replacement for Gideon,"- Emily said, her eyes glued at Hotch's office, though none of us could see a thing of what was going on in there. We just saw Strauss walking out and JJ walking over, most likely to announce Hotch we had a case.

- "So, what did you guys do Saturday after we left?"- Morgan asked (Y/N) and me and smiled pleased, probably ready to tease us over anything we might tell him.

- "Nothing really, we got naked and did the dirty on every spot you sat on in my apartment."

(Y/N) answered as casually as possible, not even paying attention to his face. Emily burst out laughing, and I know I blushed, looking down at the files on my desk.

- "There's no need to get all defensive, princess,"- Morgan answered and shook his head, smiling at her.

- "Well, it's not the first time you ask about what we've done with that teasing tone of voice, so excuse me for giving you the answer you wanted to hear."

- "Guys,"- I whispered and looked over. Emily and Derek stood up as soon as they noticed Hotch and Rossi were walking towards us.

- "SSA David Rossi, this is SSA Emily Prentiss"

- "Sir!"- she smiled and shook his hand as he nodded.

- "SSA Derek Morgan,"- Hotch announced, and my friend shook Rossi's hand.

- "It's an honor, agent Rossi."

- "Please, just Dave."

- "SSA (Y/L/N)"- he said, and (Y/N) shook his hand too.

- "Nice to meet you, sir."

- "And Doctor Spencer Reid"

- "Sir, if I could talk to you later about your work with the Scarsdale skinner. Psycho-linguistics is an incredibly dynamic field, and the fact that your profile for his reading habit ultimately led to his capture is something I find so incredibly intriguing."

- "Reid"- I know I was carried away when Hotch interrupted me- "Reid, slow down. He'll be here for a while. You can catch up with him later."

Rossi was a little overwhelmed. I'm guessing it was because he was meeting many new people, which can be pretty intimidating at any age. So I smiled and nodded.

- "Sorry,"- I whispered and looked at Hotch to see if he was mad at me, but no. If anything, he was amused.

- "No problem, doctor,"- Rossi added and smiled.

- "Maybe you guys can talk on the jet,"- Hotch suggested, surprising Rossi.

- "The jet?"

- "We've got a jet now"- and Hotch even smiled at Rossi, who was honestly shocked.

- "Are you serious?"

- "Yeah, it comes pretty handily. Come on, JJ is waiting."

Hotch and Rossi walked away to the conference room. Emily followed them, along with Morgan, who also teased me and smiled. I stood still and waited for (Y/N) for a second and felt her hand on mine as we walked to catch with the team. She just smiled, and I did the same. Moments like those were the ones that made me keep going, kept me sane, and made me feel honestly happy. I didn't want it to end.

But it did. Eventually.

The case took us to Carrollton, Texas. It was the first one we had with David Rossi as a part of the team, and it was weird. Rossi didn't really know how to work as a team, and if there was something the BAU had in its DNA was working together, no matter what.

The first time on the field with him, he barely talked to (Y/N) or me. As a matter of fact, she then pointed out she felt we were on his way. In fact, he collected his thoughts and wrote everything he might come up with but never spoke it out loud. So we had to take the words from him.

- "The man is a legend, (Y/N)"- I sipped his coffee and looked at how my best friend shook her head. We were sitting at the Carrollton police office, waiting for Hotch to finish talking with the police chief so we could deliver the profile to all the officials.

- "So? The fact he is a famous profiler means he can't fucking talk to us? give me a break! he is acting like a diva!"

- "He and Gideon created the BAU"- I tried to make a point, but I knew I didn't have any good point to save Rossi from my best friend's.

- "We are ready to deliver the profile,"- JJ announced, and the two of us stood up quickly- "Hey, I'm sorry you missed your concert,"- she whispered as we walked to meet the rest of the team.

- "Yeah, I was looking forward to seeing Frank and Mikey's band live,"- I said and smiled at her, surprised she remembered it.

- "Were your friends too upset?"

- "No, they are already used to it, which is actually pretty upsetting too. That means we've lost a lot of shows. But they know it's because we are working, and not because we don't want to go"- JJ smiled at me and chuckled slightly.

- "What? You still can't believe I go to rock shows?"- I asked her and raised an eyebrow, trying to understand her reaction.

- "No, it's just that you keep saying "we," and it makes you sound like you are an old married couple who does everything together,"- she answered and shook her head as she pointed at (Y/N) and me. I didn't know what to say at that, and I don't think (Y/N) heard her, or she would have said something (anything) to JJ. I just stared at her confused, and she cut me one more smile before we heard Emily speak.

- "There's a sophistication and patience in what this unsub does that suggests a level of maturity. We believe this puts his age in the mid-30s to 40s range."- Prentiss started describing the serial killer we were hunting. I turned to her and nodded, ready to continue giving the profile.

- "Michelle Colucci was taken from the primary crime scene and disposed of at the tertiary crime scene four days later. That means she was held somewhere for at least three days. You can't really just hold a victim anywhere for days on end, so he most likely has access to a house of some kind."

- "And he's also fairly tech-savvy"- Morgan continued- "The fliers were made on a computer, and it's probable that he used a device to intercept the last victim's phone call."

- "Witnesses in the victim's neighborhood say they might have seen a white man putting up fliers, but none of them could describe him. Even with all the media this case has received"- Hotch added. One of the detectives sighed, annoyed we couldn't give him anything better.

- "Great"

- "Actually, what that tells us is that there is absolutely nothing remarkable about this man,"- (Y/N) said and looked straight into the detective's eyes- "He is exceedingly average. Average height, average build."

- "It extends to his professional life as well,"- I added and nodded at her- "He most likely works in a field where he doesn't stand out. Doesn't really make a mark."

- "His lack of distinction is part of his psychopathy,"- (Y/N) said and took a look around the room- "We have hundreds of interactions with people every day. Most of those involve someone overlooking someone else. Most of us don't pay attention to being ignored, but to this kind of unsub, each oversight is intentional, especially when it comes from this object of sexual desire. He begins to obsess over her until she is all he can think about, and the rage builds until he has to attack that person."

- "So he is pissed off that nobody noticed him?"- the sheriff asked and narrowed his eyes. Most people get upset when they find out serial killers do what they do for such pointless reasons.

Hotch was starting to explain his plan to the sheriff and how we would make him contact the police when his attention focused on the tv. The news showed the exact same mask the killer was using on his victims, something we had explicitly asked everybody not to share with the press.

- "JJ, how'd they get that?"- Hotchner's voice was shocked and upset. JJ looked at him, confused, shaking her head.

- "Not from me! Hotch, I called the local police departments, and I stressed withholding the mask!"

- "I called them"- Rossi pointed to the tv as soon as he walked into the room and didn't give it much thought to what was going on. We all looked at each other, confused, and waited for Aaron's reaction.

- "What?"

- "I said the FBI think the mask means he's impotent,"- Rossi explained, and none of us moved or even said a word. All we could notice was how Hotch's face was trying to hide his anger.

- "Can I speak to you for a second?"- he asked David, and the two of them walked away.

- "So, assholes were usually nice with Hotch, right?"- I whispered into (Y/N)'s ear and heard her chuckle. Morgan looked at us and frowned. I guess it wasn't the time for humor after all.

- "So the legend likes to fly solo,"- Prentis whispered as she stood by our side.

- "Are you surprised?"- (Y/N) crossed her arms on her chest and sighed. All of us kept an eye on the door that separated us from Hotch and Rossi.

- "I don't know. I wasn't expecting this today, but I can't say I'm shocked either"- Emily murmured and shook her head- "I just thought maybe he'd know how to work with a team."

- "Now I'm scared,"- (Y/N) said and looked around- "Do you think he knows how to work with females on the team? Or will he keep asking us to bring him coffee?"- Prentiss chuckled at (Y/N)'s words, and Morgan placed a hand on her shoulder.

- "Come on, princess, he is old but not that old."

- "I already went through a lot to validate myself in front of Aaron and Gideon the last two years"- (Y/N) confessed- "I am not planning to do the same with him. He has to know, everybody in this team is here for a reason."

- "We are not letting him do that,"- Derek assured her and cut him a warm smile- "Personally, I won't let him do that."

We caught the killer later that very same day. Well, Rossi killed him, to be completely honest. The team reached his house and saved the last victim. She was hurt, but she was going to be ok soon. The neighborhood was filled with kids trick or treating, and the fact the area was surrounded by police cars and ambulances alerted everybody.

- "Honey..."- (Y/N) whispered and held my hand as she walked me down the street- "Those kids are watching the police procedure, and I don't wanna ruin their Halloween."- she said and pouted.

- "Do you wanna give them some candies?"- I asked her and opened my satchel- "I still got some of the ones you gave me."

- "I love you so much"- she kissed my cheek and grabbed some of the candies. I stayed still for a second and just stared at her walking to the kids and how their faces lit up when they saw the candies. I guessed that's how I looked whenever she walked to me.

–

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Spencer taglist

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General Taglist

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–

Do you want to be on the taglist or ramble about this chapter with me? Just send me a message here.

Next update: June 2nd, 2021

[ptergwen]

4 times peter loved you and 1 time he said it

warnings: angst, swearing, and flash being a dickwad (love him tho)

a/n: i wasn’t sure if i would ever finish this bc i started in march? and gave up but i really like the concept so i made myself get back into it and AHH i’m really happy with how it turned out! fingers crossed y’all like too ahaha. also this is unrelated but send me requests!

-

to say you and peter were each other’s missing halves would be an absolute understatement. there wasn’t a secret you didn’t share, an inside joke you didn’t have, a text or call left unanswered, or a second you weren’t on the other’s mind.

it had been like that since your first day of freshman year. you took the seat next to peter in first period spanish, and the rest was history.

peter knew you better than you knew yourself. as cheesy as it sounded, it was true. he could guess what you were going to order at a restaurant before you picked up the menu. if you had a bad day, he’d come over to your place with tissues and hugs, without you having to ask. he knew all the little things.

you? you were a peter parker encyclopedia. you watched all his favorite movies so he could rant to you about them, and you’d actually understand what he was saying. whenever he felt overwhelmed by his chaotic life, you found a way to calm him.

you two were soulmates in best friend form.

best friends, nothing more.

♡ 1.

you had an arm around peter’s neck as you picked at some fruit on his lunch tray. his head was resting comfortably against your cheek, whole body leaning on you. impromtu cuddle sessions weren’t unusual for the two of you. they worked in both of your favors. peter was your own personal heater, and you were just really comfortable to nap on, in his opinion.

“are you gonna eat all my grapes? i was looking forward to those,” peter whined, taking one out of your hand. “are you gonna keep using me as a pillow?” you challenged. he responded by moving his head to your shoulder and chewing. “then, yes. i am gonna eat all your grapes.”

“you know what two people who share food are?” ned chimed in from across the cafeteria table. already knowing what he was implying, you sighed. “what, ned?” he cupped his hand over his mouth like he was about to spill the world’s biggest secret. “a couple.”

it wouldn’t be a regular day without ned trying to play matchmaker for you and peter. the idea made peter scoff. “leave us alone, man. that doesn’t even make sense.” “yes it does!” ned nudged mj for backup. she only raised her hands in defense. it was always a hard pass from her on getting involved in these types of things, unless she found a reason to.

“really? how?” you grabbed peter’s milk and took a sip just for the hell of it. he chuckled at that, forgetting he was supposed to be annoyed with you. a bit of milk dripped down your chin in the process. “oops,” you grimaced at yourself and licked it away.

something about the whole thing made peter’s heart clench. it was so... you were so... cute. cute was definitely the word he was looking for. wait, what? that was new. peter had always thought you were pretty and all, but he’d never found himself endeared like this over such a little thing you did. or had he? no. nope. it was ned’s stupid theory messing with him. that was all.

“y/n, dude, everyone knows it’s a thing. like, why else would someone give up their whole lunch? it’s flirting,” ned interrupted peter’s sudden thoughts about your cuteness. the smug look on his face made you want to throw the tray at him.

before you even joined their friend group, ned was on a mission to set the two of you up. peter described you to him and mj as “the actual sweetest girl ever. she makes me laugh a lot. you guys gotta meet her.” mj obviously ‘tsked’ at him, but a light bulb went off in ned’s head. peter was crushing. he just didn’t know it yet.

part of how you and peter got so close was that ned and mj used to back out of group plans. you’d end up hanging out alone most of the time. of course, it was ned’s idea. a successful idea, yes, but neither of you understood the obsession. apparently it was a guy in the chair’s duty to be a good wingman, and you should leave it to him. whatever that meant.

“if i remember correctly, you and your mom went halfsies on a piece of cake at your birthday party last year. what are you trying to tell us, leeds?” mj asked with a smirk. you and peter looked at each other and burst into laughter, ned’s mouth hanging open. the girl could really get someone when she wanted to.

“shut up, you guys! that’s different!” “so is y/n stealing my food and you calling it sharing,” peter made a point of saying more to you than ned. despite his words, he pushed the tray over to you. it was basically yours, anyway.

you thanked him with a pat on his cheek and popped more grapes into your mouth. in that moment, peter decided he’d get you all the grapes in the world if he could. jeez, he seriously needed to reel it in.

ned was only going to keep going now. “see that? peter’s such a sweet boyfriend. isn’t he, y/n?” he cooed and clasped his hands under his chin. you didn’t have the chance to change the topic before flash appeared at your table. he’d probably overheard your conversation. “penis parker is somebody’s boyfriend? good one.”

feeling peter tense up next to you, you put a hand on his shoulder to let him know you were there. you’d been in too many of these situations. the way flash talked to peter pissed you off in ways you didn’t think were possible. he was fine with everybody else, so why did he choose to pick on him? peter was the least deserving person of having to put up with it from anyone.

“just ignore him, okay? he’ll get bored and leave. works every time,” you reminded peter. too uneasy to say anything, he reached back and put his hand on top of yours. he tried to focus on how nice your touch felt instead of the fact that he was about to be humiliated by flash yet again.

“peter could totally get a girlfriend! he has, like, tons of girls after him,” ned attempted to back peter up, pleased with himself. groaning, peter put his head down on the table. he couldn’t bare to watch his friend destroy what was left of his social life. “you’re really pushing this now. stop talking,” mj warned in a whisper yell to ned. that didn’t stop flash from hearing her.

“she’s right. even parker agrees! look at him,” he snickered at peter’s embarrassed state. you’d had more than enough of him at that point. screw the silence. it wasn’t going to cut it for this one. while wingman ned was still making up stories, you tapped peter’s shoulder to find out how he was doing. his head remained down.

“you okay? want me to say something?” “i’m used to it, and no. i don’t wanna make you deal with him.” peter hated putting his issues on other people, but you couldn’t stand another second of listening to the things flash was saying. you cut into an argument between him and ned about peter’s body count. like his was any higher.

“fuck off, flash!” he stopped in the middle of his sentence. “huh?” “i said fuck off. anyone would be so lucky to date peter. you’re probably salty at him all the time because it’ll never be you,” you finally snapped. his tough guy persona faltered for a few seconds at your words, ned and mj taking the opportunity to high five you for telling him off.

peter was glad his head was still down because his cheeks were pinker than he’d like to admit. did you really mean that? would you be lucky to date him, too?

“what are you, president of the parker protection squad? or are you two a thing?” flash quickly recovered. there he went trying to get the last word in. the embarrassment for peter if you denied it was exactly what he wanted, but you weren’t letting him have it.

“ask me again some other time.” you plastered on a shit-eating grin and waved goodbye. unsatisfied with your answer, flash huffed his way back to his own table. after he was gone, peter looked up at you with something you’d never seen before twinkling in his eyes.

“thank you, y/n. you really didn’t have to say all of that.” “oh, no. don’t thank me. i‘d do it for you anytime. i am president of the parker protection squad, after all.” your fake smile turned into a genuine one for him. peter couldn’t help but mirror it.

his was heart doing that thing again. he guessed it was because he loved you so much, but this love felt different somehow. it wasn’t the friend kind of love he’d had for you all those years.

it was the kind of love he saw in the rom coms you made him watch when you got to pick for movie night. cupid’s love was the official name for it. when he put two and two together, the realization smacked him straight in the face. ned was right.

peter was starting to fall in love with you, and there was no way he could stop.

♡ 2.

peter was a workaholic. patrolaholic to be exact, especially when he had a reason. he’d sometimes find himself in a cycle of getting home late and going out early for days on end. he’d gotten used to the sleep deprivation. his grumbling stomach from missing meals wasn’t too big of a deal either. not when he had a city to save.

it was also a good distraction from everything else going on in his life. man, did he need a distraction. after peter came to terms with the fact that he loved loved his best friend, he narrowed it down to two options; telling you about his feelings or taking them to his grave. since the city was so busy, he was thankful he could throw himself into patrolling and not decide just yet.

may would usually only allow peter to patrol on weekends. school existed, and he had to take breaks. peter really wanted to help out more, so he proposed an idea that could potentially let him up it to the full seven days. he had to make it home in one piece every night for a trial week. that would prove to may he could handle it.

ignoring his black eye on tuesday and limp on thursday, it worked out. peter was positive he could finish off the week just fine. may didn’t have the same optimism. she decided that so much as a scratch on friday and it was strike three. friday came, and peter had impressively managed to end the day, like he thought, just fine.

he did one last swing around the neighborhood he was in, then started heading back to queens to gloat to may. on his way, he remembered he had to text you goodnight. he was bound by a pinky swear to you that he would do it every time he finished patrolling.

peter being spider-man was something you figured out only a few months after he got his powers. he technically exposed himself, and you pieced everything together. it all happened when spider-man offered to walk you home from school one day.

the way he rubbed the back of his neck while asking was a nervous habit that was oddly familiar, and urged you to say yes. you also thought it was strange how even though he didn’t ask for your address, he somehow knew where he was taking you. then again, he was spider-man. it was his job to know new york city and the people living in it.

you came to the conclusion you were making things up until he was about to leave. he walked you to the door of your apartment building and said, “stay safe, squirt.” nobody called you that besides peter. he came up with it because he had recently grown a few inches taller and could finally give you hell for being the short one.

needless to say, peter didn’t take off like he was intending to. he realized his slip up as soon as the nickname came out of his mouth. you brought him upstairs and had a long afternoon of questioning, explanations, and making promises.

peter typed out a message telling you he was fine and to go to sleep. as he was about to hit send, he swung too low and smacked his head right into a traffic light. that was what he got for texting while swinging. he could imagine mj giving him one of her famous safety lectures already, but that wasn’t first on his list of worries. he had a throbbing head and may’s third strike to deal with.

crap, may couldn’t know about this. she’d ban him from patrolling probably forever. going home was out of the question, but peter was in desperate need of an ice pack. there was already a bump forming from where the light hit him. his next choice would be to go to happy, only he couldn’t do that because he‘d tell may.

peter’s hands worked faster than his brain, and he started swinging over to your apartment. the overthinking began soon after. nobody wants to deal with a surprise appearance from their possibly concussed friend at 2 a.m. besides, what would he say? he’d barely seen you all week. it wasn’t fair to you, but it was too late to turn back.

peter landed on the sidewalk with an “oof” and crawled up the wall of your building. when he reached your window, he knocked in the same rhythm that he always did. no answer. he knocked louder. no answer again.

seeing as he had no other option, peter had to let himself in. he pushed on your window to see if it was unlocked. thank god it slid up then, but he made a mental note to remind you about keeping it locked another time. he climbed through the window with as little noise as possible so your family wouldn’t hear.

after navigating in the dark, peter pulled off his mask by the side of your bed. he instantly melted at the sight of you. your face was squished into your pillow, hair sprawled everywhere. you’d must have fallen asleep waiting for his text because you were holding your phone. peter was sure he’d never seen something so adorable.

he let himself stand there and watch the peaceful rise and fall of your chest. the bump on his head was no longer a priority. peter was utterly and completely entranced with you. god, why was he acting like this? oh, right. he was secretly in love with you.

before peter could help himself, he brushed some hair that had fallen into your eyes away with his fingers. you squirmed in your sleep, peter pulling his hand back. he was such an idiot sometimes. your eyes fluttered open and landed on him.

“peter? ‘s that you?” you squinted to see in the darkness of your room. he moved closer. your legs dangled over the bed as you slowly sat up. “yeah, it’s me. sorry to wake you.” he went to scratch his head out of nerves, but stopped when he remembered it really freaking hurt right there.

“‘s okay. i was hoping you’d come over soon. missed you all week.” you frowned at the red and blue clad boy in front of you. except for school, you hadn’t seen peter the past few days. “lots of crime to fight lately?” “missed you more, and yeah. been kicking lots of asses.” the awkwardness peter was imaging faded away when he plopped down next to you on your bed.

“how’s your eye doing? and the limp?” you turned his head towards you by his chin. he exhaled in relief. “getting better, i think. now that we’re talking about injuries...” the sleepiness was knocked out of you. you all but leapt to your feet and turned on the lamp by your bed. peter had a feeling you’d slightly freak.

“we’ve been making small talk and you’re hurt? what happened, peter?” “i-i sort of, um, i was texting you and swung into a traffic light.” “oh my god, where?” he pointed at his forehead with a weak smile. surely enough, there was a big bump. you gasped. “please don’t be mad at me.” “i’m not mad at you. just feel bad it was kinda my fault. do you think you have a concussion?”

you weren’t sure what to do beyond the mostly useless first aid videos they played in gym class. being an avenger, peter had had his share of experience with wounds. whenever he came to you hurt, he talked you through how to help him. the most you’d ever dealt with was a few particularly deep cuts. this was not the same.

“i‘m not sure. you could try that finger thing?” he suggested. you crouched down in front of him. “good idea. let’s do that.” as you waved your index finger back and forth and peter’s eyes followed it seemingly well, his mind was elsewhere. he was thinking about crawling into bed with you and sleeping in your arms.

“well, you passed or whatever they say. i’m pretty sure you don’t have a concussion. you’ll heal fast because of... you know.” you stood up and mimicked the way he shoots his webs. peter chuckled quietly. your thumb ran lightly over his bump, making him wince. “how bad does it feel?” “on a scale from one to ten it’s, like, a five and a half.”

although not what you wanted to hear, it was manageable. you hoped so, at least. “i’m gonna go get some stuff. change into comfortable clothes.” “yes, doctor y/n.” peter saluted you. you were happy to see he still felt up to joking around. biting your lip to hold back a smile, you made your way to the kitchen.

peter searched through the spare clothes he’d left here over the years. there were so many, you had to give him a drawer. he changed into pajama pants and a t-shirt, then sat back down criss cross on your bed.

you came in shortly after with a water bottle, two advil, and an ice pack wrapped in a towel. “i was kidding about the whole doctor thing, you know.” “too bad.” you handed him the advil and water. “take these. they’ll help until your magic healing powers kick in.” peter took the pills while you pressed the ice pack to his bump. he took it from you when he was finished.

“is that any better?” “much better. i’m all good. i should probably go soon.” he mumbled, not meaning it but also not wanting to overstay his welcome. you’d already done so much for him. you stopped him from getting up by putting a hand on his chest.

“what? you already changed, and i’m not sending you home to get killed by may. just stay.” “are you sure? i don’t wanna bother you anymore. it was annoying for me to come here so late in the first place.”

a frown set on your face. “peter, don’t you remember my promise?” there was a beat of silence while he thought about it. “that you’d help out with spidey stuff?” “however and whenever i can. i don’t know what made you think differently just now, but nothing’s gonna change that. doesn’t matter if it’s the middle of the night or early in the morning. i’m always here.”

only you could reassure him just like that. peter was really lucky to have you. really, really lucky.

“right. you’re right. sorry for... whatever that was.” “you apologize too much.” you poked his chest to punctuate your statement and switched the light off. “sorry for that, too,” he teased, wanting a reaction from you. “peter benjamin parker, just get in the bed.” “yes, ma’am.” that was enough before you changed your mind and threw him out.

you rolled to lay on the other side of peter. still pressing the ice pack to his head, he laid down next to you. it didn’t take long for both of you to be settled under the covers. “try not to bang into the wall or something,” you joked and pulled your comforter up to your chin.

peter puffed some air out of his cheeks, tugging more of it back. “you can’t be mean and hog the blanket.” “it’s my bed, so i actually can. i’ll hog everything.”

to prove your point, you moved over to peter until there was no room between you. both of you knew it was an excuse to cuddle. he wasn’t mad about it at all. peter opened an arm for you. you curled into his side, letting him hold you close. his whole body relaxed as you hugged him against you. “goodnight, spidey.” “night, squirt.”

♡ 3.

“what does that cloud look like to you?” you pointed up at the sky. peter’s eyes darted around as he tried to find exactly which one you were talking about. there were a lot of them, in his defense. you made a big circle with your finger around the cloud in question.

“the really curvy one. right there.” “kinda looks like a tiger. can we keep walking now?” peter tugged your arm linked in his in an attempt to move you from the spot you’d randomly stopped in. he made a whiny noise when you didn’t budge.

“i think it looks more like a horse, and no. why are you in such a rush?” furrowing your brows at him, you tightened your grip on his arm. “because some people don’t like cloud watching, grandma.” “i only asked you about one! i’m just... trying to get the most out of today.”

with college around the corner, you and peter both had a lot to do and a little bit of time to get it done. your only hangouts had become some shared extracurriculars and weekly study group with your other friends. trying to binge watch your shows together on facetime hadn’t been easy, for one thing. you fumbled to keep your phone up more than you payed attention.

on a more serious note, being apart sucked majorly. it was going to be this times a million when you would inevitably have to split up in a few months. thinking about it for too long usually made you cry.

peter was struggling in other ways. his more than a friend feelings for you were only getting stronger. having all that love and not being able to give it to you was hurting like hell, and he had to just pack everything up and act normal during the rare moments you were together. you were both going through it.

this was the first sunday in what felt like forever that you and peter were both free. you decided that the nice weather called for a meetup at central park. so, there you were, arm in arm on your afternoon stroll.

“don’t say it like that, y/n. you’re making me sad.” peter let out a breath as you rested your head on his shoulder. “that was the point.” you started walking again, peter following next to you. he kicked at pebbles while you smiled up at him. that made him smile at his feet. you were getting really good at making him flustered.

“so, did you finish that pre calc packet?” peter asked to distract himself. you lifted your head off his shoulder with a groan. “peter, we’re not talking about school for once. let’s talk about literally anything else.” “like what?” you were about to make a suggestion, but something caught your attention.

you raced over to a swingset, dragging peter along with you before he could realize where you were taking him. you stopped in front of it and threw your hands up to present it to him. he let out a breathy laugh. “when was the last time you went on one of these?” you asked, taking peter’s arm again. peter shook his head. “way too long ago.”

with a smile, you walked him over and took a seat on one of the swings. peter sat on the one next to you. you spun around in a circle to see how much you could twist the chains, peter laughing. “y/n, what are you doing?” “having fun. you should try it sometime.” he backed up to get himself started and grabbed his own chains. “i do have fun. it’s just not in the ways you think.”

you untwisted yourself to watch peter. “so, how?” “well,” he started going higher, “i like learning about stuff, even the things we have to in school.” “everybody knows that. that’s the first thing i thought of.” you did know everything possible about him.

everything except his new feelings for you, but this wasn’t the time for him to blurt that out. he was still figuring out when or if he should.

“guess i’m not gonna say i like movies, either.” “singing?” you were swinging next to him, turning it into an unspoken competiton for who could get the highest. peter slowed down a bit since he’d had a head start. “i suck. the only person who’s allowed to hear me is you.”

“it’s possible to suck at something and still enjoy it.” the breeze blew your hair around, peter seeing it from the corner of his eye. he’d always loved how carefree you were around him. it rubbed off.

“remind me to force you to do karaoke one day.” “you’re so annoying.” that motivated you to kick off harder on the ground. peter huffed and tried to catch up to you. “don’t be mean to your only source of fun.” if that wasn’t true, he would’ve came up with a comeback.

the only time peter remembered to relax was when he was with you. it was usually because you reminded him. he skidded to a stop on the swing and looked up at you.

“why’d you let me win? was that too mean?” you looked over your shoulder. “nah, i just got tired.” “oh. we can do something else now. catch me?” “sure,” peter chuckled and got off the swing. he stood in front of you on the grass and waited for you to get lower. you clenched your teeth into a nervous smile.

“ready?” “ready.” swinging towards him, you jumped off and expected to land in his arms. you ended up completely on top of him instead.

the wind was knocked out of both of you, but peter had it worse because he broke your fall. your hands were on his shoulders and one of his was around your lower back. neither of you realized the position you were in. you were too busy trying to breathe again.

“god, that hurt.” “my bad,” peter mumbled. in any other circumstance, he wouldn’t be complaining about this. “i should’ve warned you or something,” you dismissed him.

you were still hovering over peter, your lips dangerously close to his. he could’ve sworn they almost touched. that was when you got off of him. he only forced out a laugh. nothing ever went his way. you offered him a hand, oblivious to his inner conflict. peter took it and pulled himself up, falling into step next to you as you headed to another path.

that could’ve been a chance to make some sort of move, and he blew it.

♡ 4.

it hadn’t been easy for peter to move on from that day. his mind kept replaying the split second you almost kissed on an endless loop, and all he could do was come up with what he should’ve done in the moment.

things were getting to a point where he had no clue how to act around you. being your friend was hard, but becoming your boyfriend would be that much harder. his stupid feelings put him in an awkward place, and he was afraid you were starting to realize. he couldn’t lose you altogether.

you asked peter to meet you for coffee after school. it was this small place in between your apartments you’d both been to once before. they had really good cookies and an overall cozy feeling you liked. peter wasn’t sure what this was all about.

were you going to confront him? did ned say something? maybe it was a mistake to confide in his most gossipy friend about how he felt.

with a headache from stress and a heavy backpack hanging off his shoulders, peter walked into the café. he spotted you at a table near the window. you’d already taken the liberty of ordering, two drinks and a chocolate chip cookie waiting there. you looked up from your phone when peter pulled a chair out.

“hi.” you gave him a small smile and put your phone down. “i already got everything.” peter shrugged off his backpack with a grin. he sat down facing you. “thanks. sorry i’m kinda late. i had to stop at my locker.” you usually met him there. come to think of it, why hadn’t you today? you pushed peter’s drink over to him. “you’re fine. i came here early to get us a table, anyway.” phew.

peter bent the straw to his iced macchiato and took a sip. it made him feel grown up, casually drinking coffee with you over a boring conversation. adult life must’ve sucked. “so, how was the rest of your day?” he asked to fill the silence. you only had two classes without him after lunch, so that was a dumb question. he’d never had so much trouble talking to you.

“eh. betty fell asleep on me during this cold war documentary we had to watch.” “didn’t she say american history is her favorite?” you broke off a piece of the cookie with a laugh. “not after that. what about your day?” the light from the window was shining directly on you, blocking out everything else from peter’s view. he wanted to tell you how beautiful you were so bad, but that would be creepy.

you took a bite of your cookie and raised an eyebrow. he was staring. “uh, nothing interesting. i’m gonna patrol a little bit later.” peter sipped his drink again. you clicked your tongue and let out a breath. “that’s all you do these days.” he knew you were catching on to how off he’d been. what was he supposed to say? it would’ve helped if he’d prepared a few excuses.

“just trying to help out while i’m still here.” that was a half truth. “yeah, but you should still take some time for yourself.” you ripped open your straw wrapper and blew it at peter. he caught it just before it hit his face. rolling your eyes, you put the straw into your drink. “i hate your reflexes sometimes.” he shrugged one of his shoulders casually. “jealousy is a disease.”

neither of you said anything for a few minutes. you stared out the window while peter finished the rest of the cookie. he could tell something was on your mind. whenever you were deep in your thoughts, you sort of zoned out like this.

he was too nervous to ask you what was wrong because of the conversation you just had. it sounded like you had already considered he was being distant before today. his feelings aside, he needed to reassure you. that was more important.

“y/n?” you turned your head to look at him. “yeah?” peter’s gaze shifted from you to his thumbs twiddling in his lap. “i know we’ve both been really... busy lately, but i’m still here. don’t forget that.” a hint of a smile played on your lips. you would’ve hugged him if you could reach. “thank you, peter. i kinda needed to hear that.” he nudged your leg under the table. “of course. hey, you wanna come with me tonight?”

a couple of hours later, you were in peter’s arms on a rooftop that was much higher up than it looked. he insisted on taking you for a swing so you could get the full experience. he’d been trying to get you to do this for the longest time, so he wondered what made you agree today. you wanted to find out what was so enjoyable about it.

“i trust you, but you’re not gonna drop me, right?” your legs were around his waist, and he had one hand supporting you by your back. that wasn’t terrifying at all. you grabbed peter’s shoulders, the idea of it making you nervous. he wrapped his arm tighter around you.

“oh my god, no. i can always web you back up.” “peter! that’s not funny.” even behind the mask, you could tell he was smirking. “you’re always safe with me, squirt. don’t worry.” you brought your arms up to loop around his neck.

“i feel better now.” “good. i’m gonna jump when we get to the edge, okay?“ your whole body stiffened up. peter could sense it. as excited as he was to share this with you, he didn’t want to make you feel pressured. “or we don’t have to do it.” his voice was quiet. you tried to relax in his hold. “i’m just gonna close my eyes. i think that’ll help.” “we’re about to find out.”

peter started walking towards the edge of the building with you holding on even tighter to him, your eyes squeezed shut. he kept finding himself in situations where he was close to you in the ways he’d been wishing for, but never for the same reasons. it was bittersweet.

he bit down on his lip and aimed his free hand at a building. you squealed when he leaned back. “i’m jumping now,” he prepared you, and before you could respond, you were in the air. you hid your face in peter’s chest the second you felt yourself pretty much flying.

“what the fuck, you like this?” you had to yell so he could hear you. peter shot another web to keep swinging. “it’s really not that bad! try looking up!” he shouted back, clearly amused.

grip tightening around his neck, you slowly pulled your face away from him. he kept you close as he swung. you somehow convinced yourself you weren’t going to die by looking at something besides peter. your eyes landed on the sky behind his head.

the sun was almost completely set, deep pink and orange merging together against the glowing lights of the city. you were finally understanding why he liked this so much. it was beautiful.

peter peeked at you for a second to check on you. he swore his heart was going to explode out of his chest. the look of adoration on your face, it was even better than the view. it was the view. the little moments where peter got to see you this way made him realize how in love with you he really was.

“this is... wow. i get it now,” you laughed in disbelief, watching as the city whirled past you. peter smiled so big it hurt. “pretty awesome, huh?” one of your hands slid back down to his shoulder. “take me with you more often.”

♡ 5.

peter licked his lips out of habit as he held the door open for may, who was following behind him with a look of pride. he was about to graduate high school. the ceremony was being held in a really nice stadium-like place. trying to find it added minutes on to the parker tradition of being late to everything important.

peter wasn’t as concerned with his tardiness as he was with finding you.

while he tossed and turned in bed the night before, he went over his whole school year in his head. that meant little things and big things. he was starting to drift off until he remembered a conversation with ned a few weeks back. they decided on a deadline for peter to tell you about his feelings, and it was before graduation.

they chose it because if peter got rejected, he’d be over it by the time college started. that was the goal.

it wasn’t that peter had changed his mind. it was that he completely forgot. he didn’t have a solid plan for what he should do. these things needed to be decided way in advance. he ended up pulling something together last minute because it was you. plus, this extra pressure gave him the push to go through with it. somewhere between steps seven and eight, he passed out.

may rushed him to get ready because he’d slept past his alarm. the whole morning was a mess, and he had at most fifteen minutes to confess his love to you by the time he got there.

“you should go make sure you’re marked here. i’ll see you after. love you.” may pressed a kiss to his cheek and half-jogged to the auditorium for a seat. he squeezed her arm and headed off to check in. your whole grade was already lined up along the walls for what looked like miles. the deal was to tell you before graduation. he still had about ten minutes.

peter walked past hundreds of students with his heartbeat thumping in his ears. everyone was in alphabetical order, so it didn’t take too long to find you. relief washed over you when you saw peter. you were worried he wouldn’t show up at all. his cap was in his hand, hair getting tangled from running his fingers through it. he looked at you with pleading eyes.

“finally, i’ve been trying to call you all morning. where were you?” your tone was dripping with concern. “i overslept. there’s something i gotta tell you, y/n.” he gulped. you smiled in a way that was kind of pitying. “we’re about to start going inside. i- you have to wait, pete. go get lined up.”

this wasn’t how it was going to end. not again.

he looked around to see who was watching, then he grabbed your wrist. “peter, what are you-“ “just come with me really quick.” despite yourself, you let him lead you down the hallway. you dodged a couple of teachers having a conversation and went into a bathroom that was vacant by some chance. he let go of you after the door shut. you stood behind it while he walked over to a sink.

it was making you anxious to not be out there. you could be late. peter was the same way when it came to school, so you knew this had to be pretty serious. you gave up the battle with yourself and made your way over to him. he was looking at himself in the mirror, trying to get a stray curl back in place.

“let me help.” you stood next to him. he turned to face you, that same look of urgency still in his eyes. you used two fingers to brush through his hair. there was so much gel that it was wet enough to mess with. you smiled a bit and took your hand out of his hair. his hand was gripping the sink.

“you look good, pete. you smell good, too.” “so do you.” his voice was lower than usual. you flattened out the material of your blue gown. “thanks. so, talk to me. what’s up?”

the question was so simple, but way too many answers were running through peter’s brain. he wasn’t even sure he’d have enough time to explain everything now. this was why he needed a written out and carefully crafted plan.

but, like he said to himself last night, this was you. his best friend in the entire world and any other that might exist. the person who’s been there for his most embarrassing moments, and who’s been responsible for some of his best ones. if he couldn’t finally say the three words he’d said to you so many times before, what was the point?

his fingers drummed a steady rhythm while he mustered up the last remaining bit of courage in him. you watched him expectantly, waiting for him to say something. “just, um...” he was stalling. he pulled his hand off the sink. “i... love you.” peter only glanced at you for a second, too afraid to see your reaction. “i love you, too. is everything okay?” his heart sank. you thought he meant it in the friend way.

that was what he got for being so terrible with words.

“no, y/n. not like that.” he blurted. you were lost. peter pressed his back against the wall and sat down. confused and equally worried, you sat next to him on the floor. “then what do you mean? you’re scaring me.” he checked the watch may made him wear to see how much time was left before graduation. four minutes. he really should’ve woken up on time.

“we have to get back in line soon. i don’t wanna miss-“ “i love you, y/n. i’m in love with you.” a weight that had been on peter’s chest for months was lifted just by saying it. you squinted your eyes at him, but said nothing.

“i’ve been trying to tell you for a while, and it’s okay if you don’t feel the same. i just had to say it.” “fuck, are you serious?” you sounded what peter could only describe as disappointed. yeah, it was unrequited. here came a summer of crying. “i was gonna tell you first.”

peter’s breath hitched in his throat, and he swore you could hear it. he was so sleep deprived that it felt like he was hallucinating. you shook your head as heat came to your cheeks.

“how long have you...” peter trailed off, an eye crinkling smile interrupting him. “that day we went for coffee. something clicked, so i thought for a while and figured it out. i think i’ve loved you for a really long time.”

you inched closer to peter, just barely resting your head on his shoulder. for once, you felt like the shy one. he put his hand on top of yours. his thumb traced over each of your fingers. “i’d ask you out, but you know. we don’t really have time.”

“peter, it won’t take that long.” you giggled. he squeezed your hand in his. “hm. y/n, would you wanna go out with me after this?” you thought about teasing him for it, but he was right. you had to go. that was the friend still in you. “i’d love to go out with you, peter.”

with that, you both jumped to your feet and ran out of the bathroom. you were still holding hands, and a few classmates made faces when you rushed past them to get to your spots. you exchanged one last smile with peter before lining up.

the person in front of you said everybody was looking for you two. honestly, you didn’t care all that much. you were too excited for your date later. peter already knew he’d be checking his watch throughout the whole ceremony.

it was a best friend and soulmate thing.

[ramp-it-up]

Communication

Pairing: Lin Manuel Miranda x Reader

Word Count: 2.6k

Warnings: Minors DNI, Dom Lin, light bondage, explicit laguage, edging, oral sex (female receiving), love fluff, marriage. All errors my own.

A/N: This an ask from the 100 smut prompts ask list by @sebastianabucknettastan (pic credit as well) AND the following birthday request from @sillyteecup

Love You Tee! I hope it’s filthy enough and that you have a great day! ❤️

Lin was talking to a reporter when he saw you enter the venue.

He was instantly pissed the fuck off, but used his acting skills to play it off.  

There were so many things you needed to answer for.

First, you wore the dress he specifically told you not to wear. 

The gold one that set off your skin tone and that that fit perfectly before the baby, but after, with your slightly larger thighs, hips and breasts, fit like a glove.

A skin tight glove.

Next, you put your hair up, showing off your neck and your cleavage, which was pushed up by the special fuck me bra that you had on. The one you only wore for him at home.  

Then, you wore your 6-inch gold Jimmy Choos with the stiletto heels.  The ones that you only wore for him at home.

That is, after your fuck me bra had been thrown across the room.

What was worse was that he didn’t know any of this before he left the house because you were taking so long to get dressed that he had to leave without you.

When you joined him, you met his cold, hard glare before the acting took over and his face broke out in a smile.

Oh.  Lin was pissed, but he couldn’t let it show. He was the man of the hour. 

For the next 30 minutes, you two were gracious recipients of the most mundane conversation of everyone who wanted to talk to him.  

And you were especially charming, touching every man’s arm, and managing to play with every woman’s hair and smiling at all with that alluring grin that made them all practically drool into your cleavage.

As the night wore on, his smile slipped more and more.  Although you were at his side, which he made sure of, he couldn’t get close enough to say anything to you, which you made sure of.

He knew what this was about.  Lin had informed you that his next gig was halfway around the world and that you would either have to accompany him, or stay in New York while he had fun creating shit while you took care of your son. A single parent yet again.

Shit was getting old.  

Lin didn’t want to leave you, he wanted you to come with and he couldn’t understand your resistance, especially since your job was easily mobile and you had the means to go.  

But he was especially frustrated that you wouldn’t talk about it, you were just torturing him with this display of your sexy allure that he wanted to be just for him.  

Each time you gave someone else the benefit of your attention, yet pulled away from him, he got more and more determined to demonstrate the importance of effective communication to you.

When you were finally seated at the head table, Lin whispered as he drew closer to you. 

To everyone who was watching, and there were a lot of people watching, it looked like normal couple interaction. 

But in reality, it was a threat. 

"You keep acting like a little brat and I’ll take you over my knee right here. I don’t care how many people are watching.”

You finally turned the full wattage of your smile on him.  His heart stopped and he wanted to crawl under the table and lick from the soles of your feet up to your pussy.  

Damn, his wife was beautiful.

“Sir.” 

You said it to piss him off, not project submissiveness, but you could tell by his smirk what he wanted that word to mean. Well, fuck him.

“I’m not acting like a brat, I’m acting like the wife of a Very Important Man at a Very Important Event.”  

You leaned toward him and he was drawn to you, but still pissed.

“If you don’t settle down, I’ll make you.”

You turned and looked him fully in the eye.  

“I’m not scared of you. What are you gonna do? Write the fuck out of a story about me?”

The raised eyebrow and disrespect was the final straw. The emcee was about to introduce him.

Lin leaned even closer.

“I got something better than a spanking. When we get home, I’m cuffing you to the bed and I’m going down on you all night until my jaw is sore.  And if you straighten up now, I might let you cum.”

Your mouth dropped open as the emcee finished introducing him and Lin rose and went to the podium.

You recovered quickly and looked around to see if anyone noticed and then put on your neutral face.

————-

After his speech, it was like nothing happened. And you miraculously found some act right.  

For the remainder of the night, Lin was charming to everyone, even you.  

You even danced and he held you close, caressing your side and seamlessly catching your rhythm.

It was like you dreamed what he’d said, because he even kissed your hand before he led you to the car, and you even leaned your head on his shoulder and fell asleep on the way home. 

It turned out to be a pretty nice night.

You got home and paid the babysitter and ordered her an Uber. Lin watched her get in the car while you went to check on the baby.  

He was so freakin cute and you stayed to watch him sleep a bit, never getting enough of his big fat cheeks.

When you went into the bedroom, Lin was nowhere to be found, coming out of the walk-in closet as you closed the door.

“Hey, come here.”  

His smile was his signature mix of angelic and devilish, and you were sure of what he wanted.  

You were glad he seemed to forget the earlier difficulty and you glady went toward him.  

Maybe you would give him some tonight and you could talk about the issue in the morning.

Lin put his hands on your shoulders.

“You look. Incredible tonight.”  His hands moved down your arms and moved to clasp your fingers.

"You want me to make you come?"

"Yes." You started unbuckling his belt. 

Lin pulled away from you. His eyes glinted, hard and cold.

"You want it?" He moved to sit on the bed.  He patted the duvet beside him. “Come.”

You came and sat beside him, anticipation making you shiver. Lin leaned over to you, his lips oh so close, and watched as you closed your eyes. 

He gave you a quick kiss on your lips and pulled you onto the bed with him.

His mouth laid ravage to yours and just as your senses went wild, he moved to pull your dress up. He stopped and smiled.  

You were only wearing the fuck me bra and no panties.

“You do wanna get fucked I see. How convenient.”

You just smiled back at him and clenched your thighs together. 

Him still being in his tux making you very wet.

Lin’s dark beauty was making you weak.

Lin continued to pull your dress over your arms, and you raised them to make it easier.  But somehow, the dress stopped over your eyes. 

You smiled before you panicked, thinking Lin was playing some cute little game.

You panicked when you realized the game wasn’t cute.

You realized the game wasn’t cute when you felt the cuffs go around your wrists and onto the bars of the bed.

“Lin?” 

You could only see his outline moving around as you struggled and tested the cuffs.

“This isn’t funny Lin!”  You were panicking.

“No. It’s not. But I told you what was going to happen.”

“What?”

Lin took your legs and spread them apart, you pulled them back together.  He slapped your thigh and pulled them apart again.

“Leave them open or I’ll get the spreader bar.”

Lin watched your lip tremble as kept your legs open, while also watching your slick drip down your folds. 

He smiled and leaned over, mouth near your ear.

“I’m going to keep my promise.”  You visibly trembled.  

“Do you want to watch, or not?  Your choice.”  

Lin’s hands were on your thighs now, slowly, too slowly moving up toward your apex. He stopped, thumbs about two inches away from your slit, and asked again.

“Well?”

You whimpered, wanting some kind of contact. Something to give you relief.

“I wanna see you Baby.  I wanna see you make me cum.”

You were trying it, and Lin shifted, lifting your dress and propping your head up with it as he shook his head at you.

“IF I make you cum.”

Lin returned to the exact position he was in, with this thumbs exactly two inches away from where you needed them to be.

“I need your words.  What’s your greenlight word?” 

Lin moved his hands a quarter of an inch closer and you tried not to move.  

“Banquo.” 

“Good girl. What about when you need to stop?”

You were getting anxious.  Safe word play was intense.

“Macduff.”

“Good girl. Where are we at now?” 

Lin was sliding his thumbs closer to your dripping heat. He was right there and you practically screeched, “Banquo, Banquo.”

“Gooooood girl.”  

Lin finished sliding both thumbs into you, circling and sliding them up and down your slit, bumping and teasing your clit, making you jump and whimper every time.  

He separated his hands and put one thumb on your puckered hole and one thumb in your pussy, rotating them, fucking one hole and teasing the other.

“After I eat you out, I should take your ass. Make you squirt all over the bed. But that would involve you cuming.  And I don’t know….”

“Fuckkkkk, Lin! I want you to feel how wet I am for you. C’mon. Please?”

“Keep begging.”

Your pussy fluttered around his hands and he slowly withdrew them, trailing your wetness down your thighs. 

He was edging you like you had all night. 

And he did. 

He sat back and watched you squirm, a soft smile on his lips.  He took off his jacket, loosened his tie, and unbuttoned the top buttons of his shirt. He stared between your legs as he rolled up his sleeves. 

His fucking forearms were driving you crazy. Shit, you should not have been such a bitch.

“Damn, I would take a picture, but I have a specific purpose tonight. And I already have several in my collection.”

Lin was obsessed with your pussy. Absolutely obsessed.  It was his precious.  

He leaned in, his dark head obstructing your view as he oh so slowly licked a long stripe from your ass to your clit. You craned your neck to see him go to work.

“Unnnnnnnhhhhh.”  

You tried to capture his tongue with some kind of impossible pussy trick, but Lin held you fast to the bed.

He chuckled into your folds, and shook his head.  

“You’re hilarious.”  

Then, he opened his mouth wide and stuck his talented tongue as far in your pussy that it could go, his top lip capturing your clit.  

He reached up and grabbed your heaving breasts, squeezing them and rolling your perky erect nipples.

Lin was chowing down.  He fucked you with his tongue until you were about to come again, but stopped.  You groaned, and Lin was glad he’d soundproofed your bedroom.

“Lin. I’m sorry.  Let me cum, please. Please? This pussy is yours. See how you got me? Please. I don't care what you do to me. I want you to make me feel good. Only you can Lin."

He loved your begging and pleading.  He put his face in your place again, this time sucking and manipulating your clit until your legs started shaking violently. 

Your curses and moans only make him lick you faster.

Lin pushed your legs back apart and inserted a  finger inside you, expertly curling it, inexplicably telling you to come hither from inside your vaigna.

“NOW you want to communicate? Should have thought of that earlier.”

"Lin, its...." you breathed.

"Tell me."

Lin ordered, as he stopped what he was doing and wiped his face.

You were panting now,devastated by the loss of your orgasm, and coherent thought completely gone from your mind.

Lin reached out and rubbed your clit again. He leaned over and drew it between his lips, sucking it and making you see stars this time. 

All of a sudden, he stopped sucking and gently, very gently, slapped it. Then, he inserted two fingers from behind while he slapped your clit. It was very intense.

You yelped loudly and had to open your mouth in order to breathe. Your heart was beating so fast.

"Fuck! This pussy is so pretty.”

He started alternately lightly slapping and licking your clit this time. And he stopped every so often to let you come back from the brink. 

Each time he would stop, you would moan louder and louder. The first time he stopped his shirt came off, the third, his pants.

"Lin! I'm going crazy!" 

"But you taste and feel and look so fucking good. I don't know if I ever want to leave where I am right now." 

Lin had stopped and started stroking himself.

“Except…”

You watched him stroke and had to close your eyes. 

Lin shifted and started stroking his tip at your entrance. You were panting so hard you could hardly breathe.

You wiggled your hips and Lin stopped all movement, causing you to whine and pull on the cuffs, causing your breasts to jiggle.

He leaned over, pulled your breasts from the cups of the lace cups, and captured one in his mouth, swirling his tongue around your nipple then biting down on it.

You were so overstimulated that this new sensation almost sent you over the edge. Yet again.

You were losing hope of getting satisfaction and started keening. 

“Lin! Pleaseeee!”

This time the desperation in your voice triggered mercy. 

And the way you were coming apart for him triggered his lust.

He continued to suck both nipples brutally until you were arching off the bed, and when he slapped your clit again, plunging two fingers inside you that curled to your spot, you came, hard, squirting all over him and the bed.

“Yes, give me all you got. Such a good girl.”

You trembled as he slid inside, and your body came alive again as he slipped in and out of you. 

You could feel every ridge and vein on his huge, hard cock as he lit you up from the inside out. 

You gripped him so good, despite the wetness, that he had to concentrate.

Lin moaned and kissed your pulse point as he felt your walls clench around him.

“So fucking good…so tight and wet… fuck.”

You struggled to catch your breath and Lin leaned up to lift up your ass, pulling your pelvis up to meet him on his knees.

“You feel so good. Make me want to come so bad baby. Take this dick.”

He stroked and stroked until he felt you quivering again.

“Do you like how that feels? Do you like how I’m fucking you?”

“FUCK! Yes Lin. Oh fuck yes. I love it. I want it all.”

“Pussy. Feels… so fucking… goooood.”

His thumb found your clit again. The pleasure built up in your body, your eyes rolled back into your head, and it was game over.

Lin came as you screamed and milked his cock dry. 

It was perfect.

Next thing you knew, Lin was unlocking the cuffs, sitting you up and massaging your shoulders. He led you into the bathroom where the whirlpool tub was halfway full.

You hadn’t realized that you were out for a few minutes.

Lin put your hair up while the tub kept filling.

You climbed into the tub, and Lin climbed in behind you, gathering you in his arms.

You relaxed as he took care of you, his hands soothing your exhausted body.

You floated off to sleep in the warm water surrounded by Lin, the brat in you tamed. 

For the moment.

——

Tagging: @theatrenerd86 @sebastianabucknettastan @imatyoursurrvicesurr @riiyy @ivycomet @lonelydance @jbrizzywrites @ohsoverykeri @curtainremote @delaber @honeysucklechocolatedrippin

[anon-rebel-writes]

Late Night Talks

Hello everyone! I hope you are having a wonderful day!

So this is a new story (yay!), and I wrote this for my girlfriend! She asked me not to tag her for privacy reasons, but I hope she loves this because this is actually based on a real event!

A quick background, we confessed through the phone and this story is heavily based on that. A lot of the feelings Luka feels are things that I actually felt! The dialogue is pretty similar too (obviously some things are cut out or edited to fit Luka and Mari lol)

My “just-a-friend” got me into MLB and we both love Lukanette, so I thought it’d be fitting to write her a story about Lukanette, based on us, for one of her gifts! Happy birthday, my love! I hope you (and everyone else reading this XD) enjoy it!

The story begins under the cut! <3 Ao3 Link

Soft light from his phone covered his face, forcing his eyes to squint in order to see clearly. His thumb unconsciously moved across the screen, opening up random apps before quickly closing them just to open them again.

The boat was fairly quiet. During the day, he could hear the different movements and various noises from his mother and sister, but this late at night merely left the sounds of waves from the Seine below him. The natural creaking of the boat usually left him relaxed and helped him fall asleep.

Although lately his nights had been occupied by other things, especially one girl.

Luka shifted in his bed, trying to engulf himself in more warmth from his blankets. Did his mattress always feel this stiff and uncomfortable? He never paid it much attention before, it never mattered before. Maybe it was just his mind trying to find something to think about.

He glanced at the time near the top of his screen and saw it was ten after midnight. Well at least it’s not too late yet, or maybe it wasn’t too early yet? She never texted him extremely late (or extremely early). Was it late? When did he care about time so much?

The only reason he thought about the time lately was because of her.

Luka shifted again, pulling up the blanket to cover the blush creeping up his cheeks. He continued to open apps just to close them again. He sighed and turned off the phone, letting the room dim and his eyes rest. Why did this feel so desperate? He used to see himself as a ‘go with the flow’ guy, but she had found a way into his heart and made him question his entire life.

When had he ever checked his phone this much? If she decided to text him tonight (as she had been doing for the past couple of nights), would immediately replying make him seem obsessed? He didn’t want to come off as overbearing. Didn't girls like when guys text fast? She hasn’t seemed to mind it so far. Then again, his only source of reference was his sister, and getting her to reply to him took years off his life.

His phone beeped and the screen lit up, showing a new text message. Luka quickly sat up and hurried to read the message.

‘SOS Can’t sleep again :( Think I might need a ~Luka~ to help (^-^)’

He covered his mouth with his palm, trying to hide the smile consuming his face. When did his nights become like this? Maybe it was desperate to wait for a text, but when the text came from Marinette, he couldn’t find a reason to be upset.

This girl seemed to bring him a whole new type of happiness, even if he was too nervous to text her first. He wanted to give her space and be comfortable around him, so waiting until midnight for a text never bothered him.

While seeing her throughout the day was always amazing, there was a different feeling that came with their late night talks. The fact that she needed to sleep and came to him for help gave him a warmth in his chest he never knew before. Although sometimes it made him feel selfish, seeing as she tended to talk to him when she was tired.

‘Luckily this Luka is always able to help :)’

And he really was always able to help, at least he tried to be. Luka helped everyone. Whether it was his family, friends, strangers, co-workers, he always lended a hand. But when it came to Marinette, he’d drop everything to run to her.

‘Yesss! Call me! Mama needs some Luka time!’

He tried to stifle a laugh and rolled his eyes at his phone. His body was hunched over the edge of the bed, watching his phone with intense eyes, as if the messages would disappear if he looked away.

In the mornings, he always found himself worried about that, as if the night before only existed in his mind. He’d hurry back to his phone to re-read the messages, making sure that Marinette Dupain-Cheng, the girl who chased off his nightmares and reinvented his dreams, really spent her night with him. Even if it was through a screen, even if it was for an hour, the messages were there to remind him that for a moment, she was his and he was hers. He was always hers, if she wanted him to be.

Luka slowly leaned back onto his bed, trying to get into a comfortable position. He put one hand behind his head and took a deep breath. His calm personality wasn’t an act, Luka was definitely a level-headed person, but he was still human. And as a human, a pretty girl talking to him late at night gave him lots of nerves.

He quickly shook off any tension he felt and pressed the call button. The phone only rang once before the sweetest voice he’d ever heard took over. “Hi Luka! Sorry, I know it’s late and everything, but I couldn’t sleep and… Oh wait, you told me I shouldn’t apologize, sorry! Or- wait, I just said sorry. Wow, I’m sorry- Shoot! I said it again-”

She was rambling, rotating between apologizing to him and trying to explain why she called him. As much as he loved (was that too serious of a word?) her, he also knew that if he didn’t reel her in, she’d spiral out of control.

“Don’t worry, Mari, you’re fine. But I gotta be honest, I didn’t expect this. I mean, calling a boy so late at night… not once, but multiple times in a row? How scandalous of you, Mel’.”

He heard a scoff through the phone and a lot of rustling. “Oh Luka, you should know I am the most scandalous of girls. In case you haven’t heard, I call lots of boys and girls at night.” Her voice took on a fake sounding ‘tough guy’ accent. He rolled his eyes and let out a chuckle. “Wow boys andgirls? I didn’t know I was talking to a criminal.”

Honestly at this point he wouldn’t put it past her to be a criminal, she seemed to have a habit of stealing people’s hearts. He’d never tell her that though. One, she seemed to have a strange distaste for bad jokes, two, that meant he’d have to admit that he liked her (but the word ‘like’ didn’t seem strong enough).

“What?! I wouldn’t take it that far! I’m a total supporter of the law!”

Luka moved the phone from his ear to his chest. His face pinched tightly, trying to hold back any laughter that formed. His body tensed up from holding it in, as much as Juleka definitely deserved some payback for the loud laughing she tended to do so late at night, he really didn’t want to deal with a cranky sister. He quickly moved the phone back to his ear and took a deep breath.

“Yeah, that’s true. It’s kinda funny how different we are, not that I don’t support the law. It’s just when you have a mom like mine, it’s kinda hard to keep it in mind.” Marinette laughed through the phone and his chest felt like it was on fire.

Everything about her was so sweet, her laugh, her personality, she was amazing. Even when the mornings came and his head throbbed from the lack of sleep, he would never change these moments with her for anything in the world.

Sounds of fabric and movement came through the speaker along with a small hum of agreement. “Yeah I am pretty amazing at following the law. It’s kinda like a job at this point… Not that I have a job with the law! I don’t do that. That would be weird. Uh- anyways! Your job! Wait, that's not exciting. Oh man I’m so nervous tonight, I’m sorry.”

“Melody, it’s fine. My job isn’t very exciting, but I’m sure your day was, right? Mind telling me about it? You know I love listening to you.”

A gasp came through the other end of the phone and then a very thorough retelling of the events from the day. He slowly closed his eyes and imagined everything she told him. She left the bakery this morning to hang out with Alya, she probably wore that new beret she made, along with some cute, pink shoes to match.

He imagined her sitting under a tree at the park to draw, it was sunny and hot today, so she probably took her jacket off to get comfortable. She told him how she went out to get orange juice with Kagami, he could practically hear her smile through the phone as she told him about it.

Everything with Marinette was simple, by no means easy, but simple. He knew her well enough to understand how she felt, and she was the same way with him. They just got each other. She didn’t need to tell him the details because she knew he would already know. When he tried to explain a decision he made in a new song, she didn’t have to know what he was saying to understand him. Luka found it easy to just ignore the details, because Marinette was talented enough to fill them in herself.

Luka stayed quiet as he processed her words, filling in the details himself. He loved spending his nights like this, he didn’t mind messing with his sleeping schedule (or lack thereof). He loved to replay every moment of sincerity and kindness she showed throughout her day. He loved to hear about new projects she worked on, because her talent went beyond anything he’d ever seen.

She was miraculous.

“-But yeah, I guess that was my day! Not super exciting, but I think it was okay? I hope it was, at least.” Exciting? That was just one of the many adjectives he could use to describe her. Talented, exciting, clumsy, but so intelligent. Even on her dull days, he got excited just hearing her about random thoughts she had throughout the day. “Marinette… you’re extraordinary, honestly. Your day sounds wonderful. You’re wonderful. I don't know- You make me feel wonderful.”

Was he oversharing? Probably. He was definitely bad with words, but he wasn’t lying. His hands fisted his shirt as he waited for a response. The other end of the phone call went strangely silent. He could faintly hear the hum of the phone and the waves of the water outside his window. Why did the phone get quiet?

The last thing he’d ever want to do was make her uncomfortable, maybe he shouldn’t have said anything. What if he told her too much? A soft squeal pulled him out of his thoughts and he focused back on the phone. “Um-! That’s...really sweet, Luka! You’re wonderful too… Or- Extraordinary I mean! You make me feel extraordinary, all the time. So- I don’t know, thank you?” His chest tightened. How much longer could he keep up with this act?

Pretending to be ‘just a friend’ might be easier for some people, but it was torture for him. Did she have these late night talks with other people? Did she ever hold anyone else’s hands when hers feels cold? Did she ever kiss them on the cheek to say goodbye? Luka was never one to push his luck, despite protests from his sister and mom, but nights like tonight made it hard.

“Don’t thank me, it’s just the truth, Mari. I should be thanking you, for making my nights a lot better, y’know?”

It was the truth. But there was so much more he could say. All of her quirks and amazing qualities always left his head feeling dizzy. He could write symphonies merely based on the person she was, let alone his feelings for her.

Yet he always kept those melodies to himself, even if he wanted to share them with the world, or share them with her. Nights like these make him feel like he could take on anything life throws at him. For Marinette, he probably could.

Another squeal came through the phone and a loud thud. He quickly sat up in a panic and pressed the phone even closer to his ear. “Marinette? Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself?” Loud thumping came through the receiver and more panicked sounds.

“S-sorry! That was just- I just- Ugh… I dropped my phone, sorry. You just- you should know that… This is gonna sound lame, but you make my nights better too… Heck, I even listen to your cover songs throughout the day, so I guess you make my days better too? Wait, that sounds weird, sorry! I don’t mean to say it in a weird way...”

Luka’s eyes widened and his heart felt as if it was trying to beat out of his chest. His hand unconsciously moved to his chest and grabbed tightly onto his shirt. The breath leaving him was shaky and weak. It felt like the world stopped spinning for a moment.

All at once, the feelings he tried to hide came boiling over and any sensible thought that told him to conceal his affections raced out of his mind. Before he could stop himself, Luka’s mouth moved on its own.

“Can we facetime? Or anything similar to that, please?”

Without getting an answer, his phone started ringing. He turned the phone to his face and saw himself staring back. As soon as Luka answered the call his eyes wandered across his screen, taking in Marinette’s face.

Her hair was still in pigtails, but different strands stuck out in an adorable way. The camera showed her snuggled into her bed as she laid on her side, with her pink comforter pulled over her lower face, covering her cheeks and nose. A large cat pillow rested just behind her head, unnervingly staring at him. Because most of her face was hidden, Luka noticed her eyes, and suddenly he felt very self aware of his position.

Quickly laying back down on his bed, Luka awkwardly raised one arm to lay behind his head, trying to feign an relaxed appearance. He tried to give her the closest thing to an easygoing smile as he could manage at the moment, which definitely felt a little forced seeing as how he was now (sort of) face to face with Marinette. Trying to hide any tension he was feeling, he cleared his throat, inwardly hoping she couldn’t read how nervous he was.

“Uh- Hey, Mar- Melody. Love the cat pillow. Totally don’t feel like it’s about to jump into your phone and attack me.”

She raised a hand to her mouth, attempting to cover her laughter. Her eyes scrunched, smile widened, and Luka’s heart soared. Marinette managed to roll onto her back letting the beautiful sound ring throughout the room. The blanket dropped and uncovered the entirety of her face.

After a moment of joy, she tried to quickly recollect herself. She turned her head back to the phone and stuck out her tongue. “Silly. Just so you know I’m banning you from making me laugh this late again. You’re gonna make my stomach hurt!”

Luka started laughing too, loosely covering his mouth, not caring about waking anyone up anymore. “That’s gonna be a problem, you should know that I’m kinda hilarious, so you should fully expect me to break that rule. Very quickly.”

They both joined in quiet giggling before Marinette covered her mouth with her hand again and gasped. “I just told you that you’re banned from making me laugh!”

“Hey, I warned you! You can’t be mad when I literally just warned you!”

The two teens burst into laughter once more. Luka calmed down quicker than Marinette did, so he saw her laughing face a second time. She was beautiful. Every time he saw her, he swore she wasn’t real. No real person could be as stunning as she was.

Whenever she worked on a new project and her hair flopped over her face, she was gorgeous. The times when she helps their friends out, her eyes are always so gentle, she’s divine. Even when she’s stressed out, the moments when she feels at her lowest, Luka can’t help but notice how angelic she looks.

She’s breathtaking without even trying.

Once Marinette collected herself, her eyes turned soft and precious as she looked back at the phone. Even through a screen, her stare set his soul on fire. His mind went blank for a second before he lost all sense of reason.

“Did you really mean it when you said I make your days and nights better?”

Her eyes widened slightly at his question, and he finally realized what just came out of his mouth. ‘Great job, Couffaine. You just made it weird!’Luka shook his head and moved the camera slightly away from his face, moving his gaze from the phone. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to bring it up again-”

“I mean it.”

His eyes shot back to her and saw how she snuggled back into her bed again. Her eyes were looking away, but the redness in her face showed him exactly where her mind was. “I meant what I said… Did- Well, did you mean it too? When you said I made your nights better?”

There it was again. The shaky breath, the longing look in his eyes, the fuzziness in his chest. With a simple answer, she turned him into putty and without even realizing it.

Luka moved his arm to rest on his eyes, attempting to hide any sign that would show how he felt, just in case she didn’t mean her words the way he wanted her to mean them. He’d never blame her for not being too clear, even if it hurt him. Any affection, whether friendly or romantic, should’ve been fine with him.

“This is gonna sound bad, but my phone is full of screenshots from our FaceTime calls.” Luka lifted his arm up slightly to gauge a reaction from her. But her eyes were glued on him, he couldn’t pick up on a clear response, so he covered his eyes again and continued.

“I… this is so creepy- sometimes I look at pictures of you and… it makes my day better too? That sounds so weird. It sounded a lot cuter in my head-” A loud cackle interrupted him and his arm shot away from his eyes. He saw Marinette digging herself even deeper into her massive blanket (and creepy cat pillow), trying to hide her laughter.

She must’ve noticed his silence because her eyes popped out of the blanket to look back at her screen. “Sorry, that’s just… that’s so cute! You take screenshots from our facetime calls?”

Her lopsided smile made his cheeks burn. He tried to gain back his level-headedness by rolling his eyes at her. He brought the phone closer to stick his tongue out at her. “I wouldn’t call me ‘cute’ if you don’t want me to call you ‘adorable’ for listening to those covers.”

Marinette stuck her tongue out at him in retaliation and hid her face back into the blanket. He took a quick, deep breath, silently thanking himself for being able to play his awkwardness off.

“I can’t believe I actually admitted that to you- That’s cold-blooded, Luka! Teasing a girl’s love is mean!”

They both paused for a second, taking in her words. The cabin suddenly felt a lot smaller than it was. His blood felt boiling hot yet icy cold all at once. His face slacked and yet tensed in different places. Looking at her and seeing her eyes expand let him know she was probably feeling the same way.

“Love?”

It sounded so easy. When she said it, it felt right. Full of affection without being overbearing. But then Marinette’s gaze moved off screen. She sunk into herself, yet not playfully like before. The energy of the call changed into something else, something new. “I… shouldn’t say anymore. I’m… sorry, Luka. I’m so sorry; I feel so selfish. I call you so late just to ruin your night by making things weird, and I’m so sorry.”

He watched as she shifted in her bed; he saw the edge of her thumb on the screen, hovering over it, as if she was about to end the call. “That’s not-! Marinette, that’s not true. If you’re selfish… If you’re selfish, then I must be the most greedy guy in the world.”

Marinette swiftly stared at the screen, her mouth opened as if she was going to rebuttal his statement. Before she could, he spoke first.

“I’ve been staying up every night, hoping and begging that you’d text me, or call me, or give me any attention at all. And I do it, knowing that you message me when you’re tired and need to rest. I know that spending time with me only takes away time you need to sleep. So yes, I’m selfish, and I’m greedy,”

Luka slowly sat up as he stared into the screen, clutching it as if it was the most important thing in the world, and at this moment, it was. Marinette moved the blanket off her face slightly and he saw her face flush with color. His voice felt raw as his throat tightened and his face burned. He couldn’t even register the tear that raced down his cheek. When did he get so emotional?

“But Melody, Mari, Marinette Dupain-Cheng, I want your attention so bad. I want your affection and anything else you give me. I’ve been trying so hard to bite my tongue around you, to pretend like I think of you as my friend. But I love…”

He shut his mouth fast. What was he doing? He was destroying everything for these feelings. Why would she like him? She gives everyone affection. Marinette loved everyone, it was just who she was. What was he doing? He looked around his room and realized the situation he put himself in. He quickly put his phone on the bed next to him and pulled his knees to his chest.

Did he ruin their relationship? Would she stop having these late night talks with him? Would she still hold his hands when hers felt cold? Would she ever kiss his cheek to say goodbye again? What was he doing?

This wasn’t how tonight was supposed to go. It all happened so fast. He reached for his phone to apologize and to hopefully scavenge whatever was left of their friendship.

“I love you too, Luka.”

His hand stopped just above his phone and he waited. He listened to the small buzzing sound from his phone, the waves moving against the boat, gentle breathing coming from Marinette.

“I love you… and I wanna be selfish. I wanna be greedy and I wanna be with you.”

Luka found the courage to lift the phone to his face and stare back at her. Marinette now sat up, her face was bright red with tear stains down her cheeks. Her eyes were slightly puffy and he was sure his were too. The only light on her face was her phone and even with everything, she looked beautiful.

“I wanna be with you too, Marinette. Always, for as long as you’ll have me. Wake me up at three A.M. everynight for the rest of my life, I don’t care. I just wanna be with you too. I love you.”

It felt so right. It wasn’t too much when he said it. He meant it to be heavy and weighted. But it didn’t feel forced or extreme. It was just right. They stared at each other for a moment more. His eyes raced across every centimeter of the screen, taking in every aspect of her, her eyes doing the same. Smiles spread across her face as they both chuckled, their laughter laced with happy tears.

Luka wiped his eyes, trying to calm himself down (despite his teenage hormones telling him that he should continue to cry and sob from the utter euphoria he was feeling). Marinette tugged at her pigtails with one hand, seeking to find comfort.

“This wasn’t the way I thought we’d confess, y’know. I always thought you’d write me a song, or I’d make you a new jacket. Some big gesture instead of us sobbing,” she chuckled.

He stopped wiping his eyes to laugh again. His smile grew, even as he tasted his tears. “Yeah, sorry about that. I promise I have plenty of songs for you, and about you and everything. I can grab my guitar if you want, but you might hear Juleka complaining in the background.”

They shared one final laugh before the exhaustion of crying kicked in and they both laid back down. Marinette wrapped herself in blankets one final time, holding the dubious cat pillow tight against her. Luka found himself in a similar position, he laid on his side, his face squished against his pillow and the blanket pulled under his chin.

They stared at each other, making small conversation about their feelings. Luka could hardly remember all that happened after that, he felt such relief and happiness from everything that the rest of the night felt fuzzy.

He glanced at the time at the top of his screen and noticed it was now closer to three-thirty. Luka took a deep breath before sighing. He saw Marinette’s eyes getting smaller and smaller with each second.

He knew that they should hang up soon, but he really wanted to be selfish and keep her on the phone. “Luka…”

Marinette slowly opened an eye to look back at him. Their smiles grew once again. “Are you gonna take another screenshot of me?” Her smile turned sly and he rolled his eyes.

“That’s cold-blooded, Mel’. Teasing a guy’s love is mean,” he stuck out his tongue, just for good measure. But then he sneakily took one screenshot, to remind himself that tonight was real and not just a dream. Tonight, Marinette was his and he was hers, and hopefully it’ll stay like that for a long time.

Her eyes drifted back closed, but her smile never left. “...Love you… Luka….”

Warmth engulfed his chest, leaving him feeling light and airy. The mattress underneath him felt soft and perfect. The dryness on his cheeks from earlier tears didn’t bother him at all. He was content and full of love.

While the confession was unexpected, he wouldn’t change it for the world. As much as he loved her clothing and as many songs as he had for her, he knew nothing would’ve compared to tonight. As he looked back at her sleeping face, he had a feeling she felt the same.

“I love you too, Marinette.”

[mrvdocks]

Plus One

It’s Joyce and Hopper’s wedding. A new member is added to the household, and things get real.

(chapter one)(two) 

It’s a Wednesday in February when he returns home and plops down onto the couch. The bar shifts just seemed to get worse. In the span of three minutes, he had to break up a fight, have the bouncer kick out a guy for harassing his manager, and clean a spill a drunk party group had made.

I’m not paid nearly enough for this, he thinks.

A sneeze breaks him from his misery. 

“Bless you.” He says with his eyes closed. They shoot open when he realizes you don’t sneeze like that. 

He sits up and looks at the moving thing under the pillow. His heart races as he hears some kind of breathing. 

Please no, he thinks. We just took care of the plumbing. 

He lifts the pillow carefully, expecting to see a pile of rats or mice or worse. Instead, he’s greeted by a sneezing dog. 

It’s a Scottish Terrier with big eyes that just seem to interrogate him as to why he interrupted his sneezefest. 

“Uhhhhh, where’d you come from?” He scans the apartment, seeing a dog bed at the corner of the lazy boy across from him. 

This had to be the work of one person only.

Steve calls out for you, hearing you run out from the bathroom in a hurry and a towel haphazardly wrapped around you. 

“What’s the emergency? Oh, I see you’ve met Mickey.” 

He’s speechless, looking at you like you’re out of your mind. “Mickey?”

“Yeah, they brought him in today and I felt really bad that they were taking him to the choky tomorrow. I had to save this poor baby. And who can say no to his little eyes?” You singsong the latter half of that sentence in a baby voice, kneeling to ruffle your fingers through Mickey’s fur.

“What if Tony finds out we have a dog? What do we say? We can’t keep him.”

You roll your eyes. “Relax, he’s quiet when he eats the jerky from Tom’s.”

“That’s my jerky!” Steve whines.

“Okay! I’ll get you extra then. Don’t be such a sourpuss.” 

Steve glances back to Mickey still staring at him. He puts out a cautious hand, Mickey getting close enough to sniff and then lick. 

At least it was nice to have another man in the house. 

He runs his hands through Mickey’s surprisingly soft coat, earning a low whimper from the pooch. Mickey lies on his side, clearly loving the scratches Steve is giving him. Steve catches himself smiling, suddenly forgetting the looming threat of eviction for a moment.

He’s wanted a dog since he was six, but his dad would never let him keep one. Not even a goldfish. He thinks maybe if he’d had a dog, he wouldn’t have turned out so cold in his teens. He just wanted to love something and have it love him back.

“Hmm, maybe you’re not so bad.” 

Mickey responds by kicking his tiny paws in the air, writhing on the couch.

Steve is so bewitched by the creature he doesn’t even notice when you come back into the room or even left for that matter.

“So, anything from that Sissy girl you were seeing?”

“No,” he pouts, “I mean I think she was scared off by this.” He gestures to himself.

“Oh my god, you’re doing it again.”

“Doing what? I just felt like there wasn’t any long term potential there.”

“You guys went on one date, and you didn’t even kiss! You blue balled her!”

“Okay first of all, who takes their date to their family member’s birthday party and expects a whole relationship to blossom from there? And second, when you’ve been single as long as I have, you just know what you want and what to expect.”

You snicker. “But you don’t know what you want, you have like, the worst standards.”

“Uh, I like to think they’re realistic.”

“Oh yeah? Well, I don’t think it’s fair everyone has to compare to Phoebe Cates.”

“Phoebe was a great product of her time, thank you very much. And, I mean what about Tessa Grey?”

“Tessa Gr - my co-worker?”

Steve nods adamantly. “I would date her. You know if she wasn’t - engaged.” 

“Alright we have to unpack that sometime but first why do you always say their names like some sort of serial killer?”

“Because,” he thinks, “they’re firsty-lastys. The same way I’m Steve….” 

“Oh please don’t say it.” You cover Mickey’s ears. 

“Steve “The Hair” Harrington!” 

You groan in response, bringing Mickey to rest on your chest while you put your feet up on Steve’s lap. 

“Sounds like someone’s jealous.” He mimics. 

“Oh, please. Okay, okay, let’s say for the sake of this being hypothetical, Tessa breaks off her engagement and she shows up here and says, ‘Oh my god, Steve Harrington I would love to have your babies, let’s get married! You can meet my family and eat my famous pasta, wahhhh!’” You flail your hands around for effect, seeing the amusement in his face.

His face screws up, “Geez, am I dating Wario now?” 

“That is exactly how she sounds! Plus, you would find something wrong with her and then you’d bail.”

“That is not true.”

“Oh but it is! It’s so true. In fact, anyone as grotesquely tall and hair-obsessed as you cannot be so picky.”

“I’m just trying to make sure I find the -”

“Don’t say it.”

“The one.” 

You groan, shoving your face into Mickey’s chest. 

“Oh yeah? I don’t see you bringing anyone home. Still not over Danny?”

Your mouth forms an O, you kick his thigh with the heel of your foot. 

“For your information, I have been seeing someone.”

This piques his interest. “Who and is he an escaped convict?”

“Okay,” you scoff, rolling your eyes. “I haven’t talked to him but he left his number at the desk so who knows?”

“Hmm, I may be wrong, but I don’t think that was meant for you. You are a receptionist after all.”

“We’ll just have to see, won’t we? But I just have some stuff to take care of beforehand.”

He nods.

“Personal…..maintenance.” 

“Yup.” 

“Gotta mow the lawn.” You emphasize.

“No yeah, I got you the first time. But come on, let’s be honest here. You’re stalling.”

“For what?” 

“Jumping into the unknown. Danny was a huge part of your life so I get what it’s like to lose that connection.”

You laugh sarcastically. “Okay, grandpa are these your words of wisdom? I am totally over Danny. At this point, I can say screw Danny! I have all the time in the world to find someone else!“

You weren’t completely wrong. Danny had been with you since senior year of high school. You thought it would be like one of those fairy tales where the high school sweethearts end up living together in an amazing house surrounded by all these treasures and all that jazz. Nothing could tear you down.

And then junior year of college came and he slept with one of your college friends. You transferred soon after. It was your first relationship, and you just felt like a failure. 

You don’t view California so great anymore, instead choosing to uproot yourself and finding the first place you could in New York for cheap.

It worked out fine, you think. It led you to Steve and Robin. 

Even though you clowned him for it, you also wanted that special connection. Love that movies taught you but you’d learned the hard way they weren’t going to translate into real life the same way. 

“Uh-huh. I mean there’s no shame in it, I was the same way with Nancy.”

“I wasn’t moping around and wallowing in self-pity like you, though.”

“C’mon what was that whole period of just ‘Danny!'” He mimics your voice crying and eating out of an invisible tub of ice cream. 

You feign being offended, chucking the couch pillow to him as he catches it and smothers himself with it. 

“Your dad’s crazy. Yes, he is.” You pout to Mickey. 

Joyce & Jim’s Wedding

Chincoteague, Virginia

March 1-3rd 

“I remember during ‘84, Chief Hopper had a special visitor waiting for him in his office to talk to him about the disappearance of her boy. At the time she was just the town’s nut, but I bet no one would guess the wild ride these two would go on to end up here.” The man who Steve tells you was one of Hopper’s officers back home, toasts.

It sat poorly with the guests, including a somewhat already even more pissed off looking Hopper. He seems to get the idea and ends his toast blessing the couple in their late forties. 

Jonathan goes up next, greeting the crowd. He’s dressed impeccably, his hair somewhat slicked back and his ring very prominent when the light catches it.

“I would like to thank everyone who came out to help us celebrate. I’m very proud of my mom and at first, I was a little wary about her settling down with someone. Not because I was moody about it but because she’s done so well on her own taking care of me and my siblings. She’s always been both parents to me but Jim,” Jonathan raises his glass.

“I want to thank you for helping us years ago, for believing in us. For being patient with us and sticking with us through thick and thin. My mom lights up every day like a Christmas tree and I think that’s evidence enough for me to happily welcome you into the family. To my mom and Jim!”

“To Joyce and Jim!” The crowd toasts. 

The wedding was held in a gazebo near the beach on the East Coast, with Joyce getting married in a white tea-length dress with lacing decorating her collar down to her arms and Jim in a grey suit decorated with one of Joyce’s favorite flowers in his pocket. They’d both changed for the reception, Joyce into a red sheath dress and Jim into a black dress shirt and pants and a blazer matching Joyce’s dress. 

You were seated with Jonathan and Nancy and another pair of family friends, talking and catching up with the other nuptials. They both told you the craziest stories about Steve from high school to when they last saw him, all the while he sat mere inches from you and hid behind his hand when something particularly embarrassing came up. 

You’d often erupt in fruity laughter, hearing about the time Steve got his Scoops Ahoy uniform stuck in the fridge or when he’d played Dungeons and Dragons for the first time only to lose every time. 

“So, how long has this been going on?” Nancy queries, gesturing to you and Steve.

You glance at Steve, lost for words for a moment. “We’re just friends.”

“Yeah, friends,” Steve adds right after you.

“I’ve been rooming with him for the past two years since Robin left.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she concedes. “I always hear you call him Honey over the phone sometimes.”

Your eyes widen.  Curse your sarcastic nature.

“Oh no, god no,” You laugh nervously. “I just like to mess with him.”

You drown yourself out with the drink in front of you, leaving Steve to pick up the rest of the conversation.

“We got a dog.” Steve blurts out, trying to fill in for the painfully embarrassing silence.

Jonathan raises his brows, “Really?” 

“Yeah, only instead of being the dad of the group back then, I’m a dog dad now.” He reveals.

Nancy and Jonathan laugh, almost as if to help ease both of you back into not being awkward. 

“Hey, you guys heard Dustin’s getting married right?” Nancy pouts with her bottom lip drawn out. “He’s so old now.” 

“Yeah, Steve loves the little guy.” You blurt. Steve glances at you.

“Last I heard he was starting up some fund for kids with CCD in California,” Jonathan alleges.

“Oh yeah,” Nancy remembers. “The Palm Springs wedding.” 

The music begins playing for the guests and Nancy jumps, exclaiming that she loves this song and asks Jonathan to dance with her. They turn to you and Steve and urge you onto the dance floor, but you say you’ll be there in a second.

“What was that?” He whispers in a shrill tone.

“I panicked!” 

“They probably think we’re idiots now.” 

You cock your head down and glare at him. “These are your friends, Steve. They would never think that. It’s just been a while since you’ve all seen each other they probably understand.”

Steve bounces his leg in response. You put your hand on his thigh, stopping him. 

“Look, we are gonna go out onto that dance floor and we are going to find you the best damn lover you’ll ever have.”

He nods rapidly, hooked onto your every word. 

You lead him in when a couple leaves, guiding his hand to rest on your lower back and rest your left hand on the lapel of his suit. Your right-hand holds out for his, swaying until you can match the tempo of the music. 

“Okay, what about violet in glasses?” You suggest, feeling him turn you to catch a glimpse.

“Too bookish.” 

“What’s wrong with bookish?”

“I already have you, don’t I?”

You roll your eyes. “Alright, what about red with the pony?” 

“Where?” 

“Behind you, rotate.”

He rotates you to the left and makes a face. “Too mean.”

“What? She seems nice.”

“The red makes her seem aggressive.”

You sigh. “Okay, pink with the braid?”

He glances quickly to his right, “Yeah she’s cute.”

“I’ll go and spill my champagne on her and then you just swoop in and dry her off.” 

“Is there any way you can do this without assaulting someone?”

“It’s not assault, I’m just very hands-on with this.”

“That sounds like it’s textbook definition.”

“When have you picked up a textbook? Nevermind, you want to try this or not? I haven’t failed you yet.” 

He purses his lips, thinking back to the first wedding. 

“Don’t. I know exactly what you’re thinking.”

As the song ends you retreat to your table, grab your glass, and start sipping. Steve stays behind, watching you fake stumble and fall against the woman and drench her with the drink. She gasps as the cold beverage hits her, and Steve pulls out one of the fancy napkins from the table.

“Showtime.”

"You think she hates me now?” You say, drawing circles in the sand with your feet.

“You mean because a drunken guest dumped their drink on an expensive dress she was planning on returning?" 

You stare at him, unamused. 

"I appreciate the try. She just seemed….too hostile.”

“I get it, I mean a guy like you coming up to me and trying to pat my breasts down - I would want to leave too.” You chuckle to yourself.

Steve stands, smacking off the sand on his pants. He takes hold of your shoulders and leans you close to the waves as they crash against your ankle.

“Oh my god, Steve! You know I can’t swim.”

Steve is laughing like crazy, teasing you. He takes hold of your waist in a second, carrying you as far into the ocean as he can while you’re shrieking. 

He twirls you as you grip his hands tight, digging your nails into his skin and still screaming to be put down.

“Be careful what you wish for.” He says into your ear and drops you on your ass. The overwhelming cold and seaweed cover your body as you try to stand only to be wiped out by a wave. 

Steve is howling in hysterics, clapping like a seal.

“Oh my god, I’m gonna kill you!” You don’t sound too threatening, if anything your wet appearance was akin to that of a wet kitten just meowing in protest. 

Steve runs and dodges you, moving in a zig-zag pattern as you try your best to chase him through the water.

“You’ll never catch me!” He fronts. 

Anticipating him to move in a pattern, you wait till he moves to the left to start running to the right and knock him down against the sand with a hmph!

“Gotcha!” You exclaim, putting your hands on his chest and completely unaware of the position you’re in. 

You’re straddling him, legs on both sides and your face is inches away from his trying to catch your breath. He smells like salt and champagne.

He’s frozen in place too, one of his hands firmly on your lower back. 

Your eyes flicker from his to the rest of his face, focusing on the moles decorating his neck. He can smell your perfume still even through the saltwater. It inundates his senses, disorienting him momentarily. Your necklace dangles and touches his chin, taunting him. 

This is the moment you’ve been looking for, the one that the movies oh so love to display over and over again. Something in you tells you to do it, to just lean down and see if he tastes like you do. 

Instead, he pushes you to the side softly, catching his breath and patting your thigh. “I guess you got me.”

You nod, taking your dress by the ends of it to walk back onto dry land and leave him sitting there. You’d see him back at the hotel anyway.

@mochminnie​, @wolfish-willow​

[tessisawriter]

Break My Heart (Andrei Svechnikov)

Request: Hi there! May I request an imagine with Andrei Svech where you guys maybe are like borderline dating and then you go for milkshakes after the game and he asks you to be his girl? Change it if you want! xoxo

A/N: I love this prompt, no need to change it! Thanks @sticknpuckwtheboys​ for telling me about Steak n’ Shake—I was so obsessed with being accurate about milkshake places in NC that I went into a writer’s block, but you got me out of it! Inspired by Dua Lipa’s “Break My Heart” (link here), which was inevitable since I was listening to her new album while writing this. 

Warnings: One swear word, light angst, insecurities, mentions of cheating

Word Count: 1.7k

After 15 minutes of standing in front of the Carolina Hurricanes locker room, you began to regret coming down. You felt so awkward and intimidated standing next to some of the players’ SO’s. Even though you had been dating superstar Andrei Svechnikov for almost two months, it wasn’t official yet, so you didn’t feel like you belonged.

“Earth to Y/N.” Your best friend and roommate, Katie, elbowed you lightly in the side, and you turned your head to meet her expectant gaze. “What’s going on in that maze of a mind of yours?”

“Nothing,” you brushed off her comment, “I just can’t wait for the reporters to get out of there.”

“I don’t know how to thank you for tonight. This is probably the best birthday present I’ve ever received!” Katie gushed.

You smiled for a moment before the frown returned. “I didn’t technically get it for you, you know. It was Andrei.”

“Gee, I had no idea.” Katie’s voice dripped sarcasm. “Of course it was Andrei who got you the seats. But you’re the reason I got here in the first place. If you weren’t dating him, we’d be back in the nosebleeds and my epic chirps would get lost in the vacuum.”

You couldn’t help but chuckle at the thought of her spouting her mouth off earlier tonight in the rink-side seats. Katie was an avid Hurricanes fan, and instead of tuning you out, Andrei had apparently listened to you rant about not knowing what to get her for her birthday last week because he called you earlier today to let you know that the tickets would be waiting at will-call. It was incredibly thoughtful of him, but it also served as yet another reminder of the uncertainty surrounding your relationship. The two of you acted like boyfriend-girlfriend, but you technically weren’t.

Generally, you couldn’t give a shit about labels. You thrived on doing things people didn’t expect of you, like getting a purple clip-in streak for your hair when you were only 14. But this was different; Andrei was different. You were falling in love with him and needed to know if he felt the same way.

You occasionally wished you’d gone straight home after class because the minute you met Andrei at the coffee shop near campus, he had you hooked, and you feared he’d break your heart. There was no way a gorgeous superstar athlete like him could possibly be interested in someone like you. Not that you thought you were ugly, but you were introverted and often preferred books to people. None of those things seemed to matter to Andrei, which would normally be a good thing but seemed to defy logic in this case. Your insecurities were eating you alive to the point that you needed to either define your relationship or end it.

Katie snapped her fingers in front of your face, startling you. “That’s it. What’s wrong?”

You sighed. “I just wish Andrei would tell me if he sees this thing going anywhere.”

“Are you kidding me? Everyone who’s got eyes knows that the boy is head over heels for you, Y/N!”

“But he hasn’t asked me to be his girlfriend.”

Katie scrunched her face up in concentration, which you knew meant she was thinking of a solution to your conundrum. Her eyes flashed like a light bulb and she said, “Who says he has to ask you? Ask him.” You started to protest, but she cut you off. “It’s clearly bothering you, so you should be honest with him.”

You were about to protest again when Andrei finally emerged from the locker room with Jordan Staal, Brock McGinn, and Justin Williams. “Hey, babe.” He kissed you on the lips before turning toward Katie. “As an early birthday present, I thought you’d like to meet some of my teammates.”

Katie looked like she was going to faint. She idolized Justin Williams, was currently wearing a Jordan Staal jersey, and had a major crush on Brock McGinn that she had been trying (and failing) to suppress ever since you informed her that he already had a girlfriend. “I…” she stammered.

Jordan stepped forward and tugged on Katie’s sleeve. “Nice jersey you’ve got there. Want me to sign it?”

A grin made its way onto her face. “Yes, please! I mean, if you don’t mind.”

“It’d be my pleasure. Andrei told me your birthday’s tomorrow, and you’re his girl’s best friend, so I’m sure we’ll be seeing you around a lot.”

You paled at his words. The fact was, you weren’t Andrei’s girl, at least not really.

If Andrei noticed your reaction, he didn’t address it. “I was thinking maybe you and I could go for milkshakes at Steak n’ Shake?” he asked you.

“I’d love to, but Katie—”

“Will be fine,” Katie cut you off again. “I have the car, and Andrei will drive you home. Right?” She looked at the boy next to you, and you realized that he was holding your hand.

“What kind of person do you think I am?” he asked, mock offended. “Of course I’ll drive her home. Have fun!”

“Thank you, Andrei—you have no idea how much this means to me. And you,” she crushed you in a hug and Andrei let go of your hand so that you could hug her back. “You gave me the best birthday present I could ask for.” Then she whispered in your ear, “As a sign of my gratitude, I’m telling you: talk to him.”

You pulled away and nodded at her before taking Andrei’s hand again and walking to the parking garage.

***************

You smiled when you caught sight of Andrei returning to your table with your milkshakes (chocolate for him, strawberry for you).

“One strawberry milkshake for one beautiful girl,” he said while putting his arm around you, and you blushed.

“Thanks.” You took one sip of your milkshake and sighed in delight. “This is so good!”

“I’m glad you’re happy about something. You’ve been acting weird ever since we met up in the locker room. Did I…” he hesitated before continuing. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No, no, not at all,” you rushed to assure him. “I just have a lot on my mind.”

“I can see that,” he laughed nervously. “Listen, I have something I want to talk to you about, but that can wait. What’s wrong? You can talk to me.”

You hesitated for a moment, but then you remembered what Katie said to you. “You know how I haven’t dated in a while, right?”

“Yeah?” You could tell that Andrei had no idea where this was going.

“Well, the reason why was because I’d been unlucky in love. It started in high school with my first ex, who I dated during junior and senior year. We were high school sweethearts, I guess. But I went on Instagram and saw pictures of him and his ex together, and let’s just say it was clear he was cheating on me. It didn’t end well, of course.”

“I’m so sorry,” Andrei stroked your arm with his thumb.

“After that, I went to college and met my other ex,” you continued. “We dated for a year before he, too, cheated on me. That one hurt more because I thought he loved me. Instead, he broke—no, shattered—my heart. I wasn’t interested in dating when I came back for sophomore year, so I spent time with my friends and was finally happy on my own. But then I met you.” You took a deep breath. “In less than two months, you’ve managed to break down my walls and the truth is, I’m falling for you. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, and the realization has been a bit scary, especially when I was waiting for you outside the locker room with all of the other SO’s. It was painfully clear that they knew where they stood, and I didn’t. I’ve never been one for labels, but I have to ask: do you feel the same way about me?”

You were out of breath by the time you finished your speech. You couldn’t believe you had said all that, but the weight lifting off your shoulders made it worth it.

After a few moments of silence, Andrei said, “That’s actually what I was going to talk to you about.”

Oh God, that didn’t sound good.

“It’s far past time that I tell you how I feel. Y/N L/N, I’m falling for you, too. Will you be my girl? Officially, I mean,” he added. “I’ve thought of you as my girl for a while now, but—”

“Yes, Andrei, I’ll be your girl.” You couldn’t help it; your giddiness made its way into your voice.

“Really?” He looked genuinely surprised.

“Of course I will, silly!” You leaned in and kissed your boyfriend.

After you pulled away for air, a comfortable silence settled over you before Andrei broke it: “So now that that’s settled, I want to make a toast.” You giggled as Andrei raised his milkshake. “I knew right away that we could have something special, but these past two months have shown me just how right we are for each other. To us.”

“To us,” you echoed and clinked your milkshake glass with his before taking another sip of your milkshake. You noticed Andrei eyeing you. “What? Do I have something on my face?”

“No, I just want to do this.” He leaned in and connected your lips in a passionate kiss. “Sorry, go back to enjoying your milkshake.”

You laughed and shook your head. “You are truly one of a kind.”

“So are you, babe,” he winked. It took all you had to not melt on the spot and finish your milkshake, and Andrei kept his arm around you the whole time. Nothing could ruin your good mood: you had a feeling this relationship could go the distance.

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Teen Witch

Controversial opinion: stories about witches are the best stories. Just look at WandaVision - bitches ate that UP because it’s about WITCHES, which means it’s ultimately about loss and trauma and female (literal) empowerment in the face of those tragedies (and I mean there’s some complicated stuff in there about inflicting trauma upon others, even accidentally, and that’s kind of a witch thing too). And Sabrina is all well and good and everything, but what if you want your witch story to be a little less Dark Arts and a little more candy-coated? Have I got the film for you! Wes requested Teen Witch as part of his quest to expand my cheesy 80s cult classic knowledge, and boy did this one deliver. How 80s-tastic are we talking? Well...

The basic story is this: Louise (Robyn Lively) is a typical teen girl who occupies the nerd level of the high school hierarchy. You know the type - soft-spoken, nerdy best friend, has a crush on the cutest guy in school (Dan Gauthier), made fun of in gym class by all the cheerleaders. One day she crashes her bike in front of a psychic’s home/place of business and goes inside to use the phone, but gets her palm read first. The psychic, named Madame Serena, (Zelda Rubenstein, playing, I’m assuming, herself) tells her she will soon come into some witchy powers on her 16th birthday. When Louise’s birthday rolls around, you guessed it - witching aplenty. She gets the popularity, she gets the cute guy, she ditches her nerdy friend; it’s basically The Princess Diaries without Queen Julie Andrews. But then, y’know, she learns a valuable lesson about the high price of popularity and how important it is to be true to yourse--wait, no she doesn’t, she takes off her magic necklace and smooches with the boy she likes at the school dance and that’s how it ends.

Some thoughts:

This slow motion credit sequence is incredible. See, we just don’t have this anymore, where the movie starts and you have no fucking idea what’s going on. The 80s really knew how to draw an audience in. Is this a dream? Is this a music video? No one knows! That’s why it’s exciting!

Why are tv and movies so obsessed with a completely made-up depiction of what takes place outside a high school’s entrance before the first bell? Apparently there’s a busker festival going on at this high school every day - there’s guys doing BMX tricks, an all white rap group, I think I saw some jugglers.

I’ve actually taught in both middle and high school, so I know this English teacher (Shelley Berman) wouldn’t be fired for being such a shitty teacher, but he should be. 

Is this like...a musical? First there was the terrible rapping, now there are cheerleaders doing “the new cheer” which is literally a song just saying “I...LIKE...BOYS!” and there’s a dance routine on top of lockers - there’s a lot of towel choreography. It feels like a musical in the sense that it’s nonsensical, but I don’t actually think it IS a musical. Genre-defying!

It’s kinda creepy that Louise is watching an extended montage of Brad (Gauthier) working out shirtless from the shadows but like...same, girl. Damn, Brad.

Aw, at least Brad is reasonably nice. Louise, show some backbone! You shouldn’t have been too proud to let him drive you home after he ran you off the road on your bike accidentally!

I am just mystified by the market for roles that were appropriate for Zelda Rubenstein in the 80s. What is this niche? Which came first, Zelda Rubenstein, or these characters? 

I am also mystified by this gremliny little brother (Joshua John Miller) who seems to be obsessed with eating cake and never washing his hair. He’s like a goblin trapped in a diminutive nonbinary body made of pizza and spite. [ETA: I now feel a little bad for finding him so repellent in this, as the actor wrote one of my favorite meta horror movies, The Final Girls, in 2015. So at least he grew up and made something cool of himself.]

OMFG did Brad just hit the soda machine for her like the fucking Fonz? 

There is (temporarily) a Very Good Dog who is not harmed in any way.

In what universe does Louise see what her date, David (Jared Chandler), is wearing and be like “he’s such a geek” when she looks like an extra from Leave it to Beaver. 

The DJ just said “OK guys, grab your wallets, it’s a slow song.” What...does that even mean? Is he implying that slow dances are expensive? Ooh or even more nefarious, that there’s a rampant pickpocketing problem during slow dances?

Did Louise...just imply that the number of light years away a star is dictates how soon a wish you make on that star would come true? Listen. I’m no astrophysicist. But I have read enough Neil Degrasse Tyson tweets to know that that’s not how any of this works. 

OK I take back what I said, David is a fucking CREEP. Drag his ass, Louise. However, I think she may have straight up murdered him by making him disappear. David is never seen or heard from again in this film. 

Obsessed with the dad’s sweaters both because they are ridiculous and because he is the lesser Darren from the original Bewitched. 

It feels weird that Louise’s revenge involves forcing Mr. Weaver to take his clothes off in front of the class.Who wants that? Like I get that it’s humiliating for him, but really, you’re only punishing yourself here Louise. 

There is a rap-off that is meant to convey electric sexual tension between two nerdy ass white kids. 

I don’t know what it was like at your school, but I can tell you for sure that at my high school no one ever applauded when the most popular girl in school walked into the classroom like she’s Kramer making an entrance on Seinfeld.

Why is Brad taking her to an abandoned house in the middle of nowhere? And why is she wearing heels?

Oh god she took the heels off and now she’s barefoot in this decrepit house, that’s so much worse! TETANUS EXISTS LOUISE.

Wait are they going to fuck in the abandoned house? Brad has a girlfriend! You brought heels, but did you bring condoms?? I guess she has bigger concerns than tetanus now. Also I feel so bad for these actors, they are both DRIPPING sweat. That must have been a miserable shoot.

I’ve said this before, but the 80s were such an incredible time for himbo fashion. Crop tops, those tank tops with the giant holes for the arms, teeny little basketball shorts. In the 90s all we had were JNCOs and weirdly “urbanized” Looney Tunes characters on baggy t-shirts. Gen X has no idea how good they had it re: male fashion. 

I’m genuinely obsessed with the idea that popularity means the school just has banners all over that say “LOUISE” and she gets like, cards and fan mail that say “Louise U R the best.” This feels like if you ask a kindergartner what being popular means.

Madame Serena just said “the real magic is believing in yourself” which is exactly what Louise’s dad said like 15 minutes ago, but I guess he wasn’t a 3-foot-tall witch so no one paid attention when he said it. 

Y’know for an 80s prom outfit, Louise’s dress is pretty cute. 

I cannot stress enough that Brad’s girlfriend is at this dance while he and Louise are kissing! Does no one care? Were high school attitudes toward monogamy just way more flexible in the 80s? 

Did I Cry? Shyeah, right. 

This is such an odd, mostly charming, but wildly perplexing little movie. There was no antagonist or real conflict here, at all. Louise barely struggles with any sort of tension or remorse about having her powers and what it means for her life, she just kind of decides at the end that she’s over it, and she still gets the guy and no actual negative consequences from bending the entire school to her will for the past few months. I mean, in The Craft, when people use magic for their own gains, other people fucking DIE. I was definitely entertained, but a lot of it was due to me saying, “What? How? What?” loudly at the screen. I can see how this has gained a cult following in much the same way that other oddball 80s fare like Better Off Dead or Girls Just Wanna Have Fun did. Watch it once, then watch it again while you get drunk with your friends (in a post-Covid world, obviously) and you’ll probably have a pretty great time. 

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[thepriceofbeingaroseisloneliness]

“He didn’t like to stand out. However, his legs made him look fast so he would get chosen for the class competition relay. But as he didn’t want to draw any attention, he would purposely take a longer time running in P.E. class. “

Notes before reading: This is from Kaoru’s first book “Dokugen” in which his articles from “Ongaku to hito” magazine were compiled, but also an exclusive interview about his life was included. I already posted the first pages of this interview for Kaoru’s birthday  (pages 62-66) and you can read it here. This second part starts with his high school days, getting into metal music, HIDE and first music steps and bands. If you own the book, these pages are 66-75, if you don’t, you should consider getting it *wink wink* -You were a free and uncontrolled boy, right? K: That’s it. Somehow, I felt like I just liked to be where everyone else was. Rather than being an active part of the group, I would just follow it.  It was kind of like floating around. The so-called ego woke up in my body once I entered high school. I started to be my own self. -So, what about high school days? K: I was going to a high school near my house but,  until I went to get the application for the examination, I was like “is a place like this a high school?”, it  was a school that looked like a vocational school. Later, when I went to take the exam, even though it was a high school entrance examination, there was calculation, I remember doing the exam while thinking “if I fail this, I’m really a useless guy”. I was really nervous when I went to see the results days later. But even if I thought “It’s good that my name is there!”*  and I went to the school thinking “I’m a useless guy for sure!” when I was asked by a homeroom teacher “how was it, how was it” and I said “I passed”, they would say “Congratulations!” (laughs) As I feel embarrassed, I felt like “please stop!!”. *Often in Japan, if you name appears on a list of exam results, it means you passed, if your name is not there, it means you have failed. -What kind of school was it? K: It was really a hopeless high school. Bad punk guys, people with bad conditions or that couldn’t take middle school classes properly…. there were only that kind of people. When I was in middle school, I played sports, when I entered high school, there were many people who just gave up about their future.  The topics when they gathered were about girls, television, Idol clothes or hairstyles…that were the main topics of conversation. After that, as expected, as there were a lot of punks, there were guys that would bring to school knuckle dusters (a weapon attached to your fist). The first time it felt like saying “there are embarrassing guys” but gradually everyone started to feel similar(laughs) -Did you feel like you were deteriorating for being in such a place? K: Well, I was thinking about what I would do after that.  There were plenty of negative things too. I could no longer meet my acquaintances from middle school…. But gradually I started to open my eyes to bands, then I started to think that that was the only thing I had left. -Unexpectedly, the reason of that was because you found about “X” (X Japan), right? K: Yes. X debuted when I was in my first year of high school, so I listened to “Blue Blood”. Originally, when I was in my 3rd year of middle school, a transferred student came, he was a lot into metal and listened to various bands. Until then, if someone said metal, I only knew Seikima-II (laughs). Because of this person’s influence, I started listening to X’s “Vanishing vision”, DEAD END and Kinniku Shōjo Tai. However, I didn’t think about buying CDs myself, I was satisfied with the tapes that person dubbed for me. But with “Blue Blood”, I went expressly to the store to make a reservation and buy it. -Is that so? K: When I was back from school, I went to buy it. At an electronic chain stored called “Seidensha” I bought it and I got a poster too. Also, there was a rock flower ( a toy that moves as response to sounds) with the faces of the members of X at the store and I wanted it, but as one would expect, I didn’t get it (laughs) -Making a reservation and buying… that means that your expectations were high. K: That’s true. I never have booked anything besides Nintendo games. (laughs) -What do you think that motivated you to that point? K: Probably it’s connected with what we have talked about until now but, since long time ago, I have this tendency, I like to hang out with people and I also feel like I want to know what that people like. If someone says “this is interesting”, I honestly think “I’m going to try it too!” It’s like I’m trying to understand what people says it’s interesting. Maybe it’s because I like the other person, or I think “I want to get along with this guy”. I want to understand more about the other person. So, as I was good friends with this transferred student, I wanted to understand the things that he said that were “good”. -As if it was a recommendation…. K: The band that this guy said that was cool was about to debut soon. Then I should buy that too. Maybe that’s what I thought. -If you think about that, his existence is quite important, right? K: That’s true. If this guy didn’t exist, I wouldn’t be what I am now. Anyway, Hide looked like nothing but a ghost/spectre. “This person is hella cool….” I thought. He doesn’t look human. From that moment, I only could see Hide. -So, “Blue Blood” caused a huge impact on you.  Can you remember that moment? K: Of course. I came back home, with my uniform still on, I listened to it on the radio cassette. I had goose bumps all the time. Then, I was like “what a……”. Anyway, I listened to it all day at home and the next day I went to school and I “propagate*” it to everyone. I let the guys from my class listen to it. *Kaoru says “布教” which means propagation (e.g. a religion); proselytizing; missionary work. -You acted fast, right? (laughs) K: From that moment, I started buying magazines, I would cut the articles of X and put them in plastic sheet. Then, a guy said to me “Eh? I don’t listen to this band” but he liked ZIGGY, so I said, “X is a bit different”. There was a guy who covered BOOWY songs… I was “attacking” people, one after another. -This is the most active story I have heard until now (laughs) K: For sure! I would bring the videos I bought to that guy’s house and I would show him the magazines too.  The next day, I would tell another guy “Today we are going to hang out at your house” …. that kind of things. -So, your music friends increased…. K: That’s it. Then, from that moment I started playing guitar. -Why guitar? K: As one would expect, it was for HIDE.  I wasn’t really interested in guitar as an instrument until I saw a X Live. I thought that Hotei’s guitar strumming was cool though. I became obsessed with HIDE right after “BLUE BLOOD” was released, at the concert held in the medium hall of Kōsei Nenkin Kaikan in Osaka. It was my first-time watching X, my seat was at the back of the first floor, but as it was the medium hall, the stage was very close. Then, my eyes met TOSHI many times, it was like “he is pointing at me!” (laughs). Anyway, HIDE looked like nothing but a ghost/spectre. “This person is so hella cool……”. He didn’t look human. From that moment, I only could see HIDE. -So, you thought “I want to be like HIDE”?

K: The day after the concert, I looked up in a magazine where I could buy HIDE’s guitar model. Then, I went to an instrument shop at Amerika Mura, I think the shop is not there anymore, but I went there and if you didn’t do a reservation you couldn’t get it. So, I made a reservation on the spot and I paid it with the money I have saved from my part-time job and New Year’s gift. But it didn’t arrive for about 6 months.

-So, you started practising with a guitar borrowed from a friend’s sister.

K: Yes, yes.  I started with the strings. Of course, I couldn’t play any song of X, it always was like I was only strumming. Since then, I gradually started to be surrounded by guys who liked the same bands, so we would gather at someone’s house and without an amplifier, we would practise together.

-Did it feel like “I have finally found something that makes me go crazy about it!”?

K: I was totally addicted/absorbed by music at that point. I would go every day to the bookshop and the record store to check if there was something new. At that time, from corner to corner, I would read every page of WeROCK magazine. I would read the pages for the recruitment of members too. (laughs) Then, I would go to indies shops and shops that were selling metal style clothes. I was attracted by things made of rubber or panted leather, that kind of fashion.

-What about your hairstyle?

K: Of course, I started to grow my hair long. At high school, long hair was not allowed but I told a teacher “I’m moving forward on my music’s path, growing my hair long is job hunting.”

-Those are defying words….

K: I said, “Because I already decided my path”.

-You were really thinking that?

K: Make a living of it……but yes. “I will play in a band!”, “I absolutely will be up on a stage”, I think I already decided that. “I will play in a band after graduating from high school, so if I cut my hair, I won’t be able to do it!”, I said.  It wasn’t a homeroom teacher but a teacher who played guitar and I was told “if that’s so, then do your best”. But sometimes when I tied my hair up, I was told “if it is bothering you, cut it”, “I will overlook this but if it is bothering you, you should cut it, if you grow it that long, more than a man you will look like a Basset hound” (laughs) After that, during class I would hold a pencil and practise how to press down the chords, I was told “Take this class properly!” but I didn’t take it seriously.

-At that time, what about other music or bands besides X?

K: Unless the songs were fast, I wasn’t interested. One way or another, I’m a guy of sharp riffs and fast beats. Even though I really didn’t understand the riffs at that moment, it was like “fast riffs are life!”, that’s why at that moment I was barely clicking with Western metal. Rather than that, I liked punk because there were many songs that were fast. A person from the rental shop in my neighbourhood recommended IRON MAIDEN (British metal band) but I was like “I don’t understand anything at all!”. But I liked HELLOWEEN (German metal band)

The first song played at a studio was “NO NEW YORK” from BOOWY but we couldn’t cover it properly at all but I felt like “ We are getting closer a bit closer”, it’s like going up a stairway (laughs) -So, you liked fast songs, right? K:DEAD END didn’t have fast songs, but I liked them though. The melodies, the atmosphere of the songs, MORRIE’s looks, all that. As you know, I would get the information from magazines, so I liked people who looked cool and flashy. I also liked COLOR and D’erlanger among others. -That’s national metal. Before that, there were bands like LOUDNESS and 44MAGNUM. K: I didn’t go there. This is also a cool story but, the bands of that time, weren’t the ones with sauvage perm? -LA metal style?* *LA metal is  a Japanese term that refers to rock bands that were active during the 80s. K: Rather than those, the ones that put their hair totally up. The ones were the hair looked stiff until the very end. Also,I thought that if the hair wasn’t blonde or red, it wasn’t cool. That’s why COLOR and X were shocking. The hair was totally up and the songs were fast. The first thing I liked about those bands were the way the hair was standing up. -When did you try to put your hair like that for the first time? K: Probably months after I listened to “Blue blood”. I put it up by myself, at home (laughs) I was like “how do you do this?”. But, in a magazine said “use hair spray” so I went to buy it. I would my hair like that when I went to school too. It was like “this is what a man does” (laughs) -Later, you would finally be in a band. K: It was at my second year of high school. Our first live was at a school festival. Before that, everyone got into the studio to match the sounds. It was mostly imitation. -Do you remember entering at a studio for the first time? K: It was really messy. I think we were at the studio for maybe two hours. For the first hour, it was just a mess, playing around with the instruments. Then, I think we say “Let’s give it  try” and played “NO MORE NEW YORK” by BOOWY.  Of course,we couldn’t cover it properly at all but I felt like “ We are getting closer a bit closer” (laughs) -That’s something naïve/innocent, right? K: “We are like going up a stair way right? is it cool?” that’s how it felt. -Then the first concert came…. You wrote in an article that you were so immersed into playing that you don’t remember it. K: That’s true. I remember really well the preparations before the concert, though. -What was that band’s name? K: It was called “DIE:STERIA”. I attached the world DIE somehow with TERIA. -It’s a coined word. Did you make it up by yourself? K: That’s it. A lot of the bands that I looked at the magazines had D and then something else attached, so I thought it was cool. As I’m talking about this, I suddenly feel embarrassed (laughs)

-(Laughs) That’s being young, right? Did you make any original song with that band?

K: Just one. It was fast, like melodic speed metal. But I was just scratching the guitar.

-Is there a recording?...

K: I don’t think I recorded it. In the studio I would like “do this, then like this” “sing like that”…I explained everything.

-What about the lyrics?

K: The lyrics……I wrote them (laughs). The lyrics were pretty terrible. They were kind of violent (laughs) Then, there was a melody that could be played by an acoustic guitar with fast riffs.

-From that point, furthermore you could be part of an original band, CHARM.

K: I came up with that name too. I think I made it up thinking it means “to charm, to fascinate”.

- Even after graduating from high school, you continued in that band.

K: But as expected, my parents didn’t approve, so for the time being I got into a vocational school. After the first semester, I decided to leave the school, I went only to convince/persuade my parents.

-Even after graduating high school, the band activities were local.

K: That’s right but I would rather say that we didn’t do much. Some members were working so more than doing nothing, it was like we weren’t moving much. Some members were working so we had periods that we did nothing. I still felt like I have to do it properly, so I used to play at live houses. Even so, we would play once or twice a year. That kind of level. Then, we would hang out at someone’s house and made songs with MTR.

-By the way, did HIDE’s existence mean the same for you as before?

K: Well, even more, I was addicted/crazy about him. X was appearing more and more on tv and they were national wide. The more opportunities you have to see them, the more you are going to like them. “Ah, Hide is wearing new clothes” or “Recently his hairstyle changed a little”, things like that. I would record all their tv appearances and I would see all the magazines. At that time, candid/natural photos were sold a lot a the bookstores. I bought many of HIDE. I bought a big hat that looked like the one that HIDE was wearing.

-You were completely a HIDE geek/nerd.

K: That’s right. When they came to Kansai, I would definitely go to see them. I also went for Tokyo Dome performances, “White Night” and “Blue Night”. I took a night bus with my friends, we arrived at Tokyo very early and would kill time around until the time of the concert. After it, I slept at all-night movie theatre in Shinjuku and then took an early-morning bus to come back home.

-Admiring his presence in that way, did you ever think “I want to become like that someday?”

K: I didn’t. Because I was playing only locally. Because there weren’t things like sending a demo tape or doing an audition. That’s why after that, if I hadn’t had the encounters that I did, I would probably have kept being local.

-What would you say to the Kaoru of that time?

K: To myself at that time? I see…. “Practice more!!!, I guess (laughs)

 (Next part)

[dear--charlie]

Dear Charlie,

every time I remember you, I regret not writing to you more often. So, here I am again. There are so many things on my mind ... but as I am typing, I know one thing I can start with, or more like dedicate this whole letter to. I think it's a good time to write everything down here and now – to you. It’s  personal, I hope no one I know ever find this, the chances are zero, but even if, it doesn’t matter anyways. So, it will be a long letter, you’re warned!

It started in fall, one and a half years ago, when I was at a friends place. She had invited some friends over to hang out in the evening. Another friend of a friend was also coming, he wasn’t there yet and I didn’t know him, just his name from stories. So we were sitting in the room, playing something as he also arrives. The moment he entered the room, I knew. Normally I don’t „sense“ the energy someone brings or something like that, but in this moment, I just felt I would like him. I felt we would get along. And I wasn’t wrong.

We all continued to play and chat, I didn’t talk to him directly that evening, just within the group. One time someone said something and he responded, the answer he gave, the words he chose and how he pronounced them were exactly what I was thinking and how I would’ve responded myself. There is this quote I read some months ago, it’s about how with so many people on this planet, it’s no coincidence that others are thinking the same, but it’s still a fucking wonder to meet someone who says what you are thinking. But I didn’t know this quote back then, I just sat there and felt it’s immensity. The next really weird thing, well, one of the thirst things I noticed probably, he looked and spoke just like him. With him I mean the one (and to this day still the only) person I was „lovestroke“ for. Really, if you could see them both, you wouldn’t believe it either. With the difference, that he was not only cuter, but also the fact that he was in that room and friends with my friends, what meant that we two might actually have things in common. Kind of unreal! For a moment I also thought: How come y’all never introduced us? Isn’t it obvious we are alike, or might be? How could we know our friends for years but our paths never crossed? Of course everyone only has their lives on mind, but this just crossed my mind in an egocentric flash. Well on this evening, we all didn’t stay long. When I walked home I checked to find his social media, but his account was private and I didn’t send a request. Shortly after when I came home I got a notification and saw that he followed me.

After that night – nothing really happened. Not nothing, we sometimes texted a bit. We skipped smalltalk, just talked about music and stuff, but like I said, not much. Once he told some personal things. Nothing more. There were a lot of other things going on in my life and it just got less.

Many weeks later when I hung out with two of the friends who also know him, they mentioned his name, then looked meaningful at each other. When I looked confused, one friend told me the two of them hooked up, but it was clear she wasn’t positive about it or him. She didn’t elaborate and I didn’t ask because I didn’t want to come across interested.

Let’s fast forward several months. It was summer and our mutual friend asked me if I’d be down to go swimming the next day. I said yes and got to hers in the morning and she suddenly said we’ll drive to his and pick him up because he’ll be coming as well. I literally went „!“ inside. So we got there and picked him up. Everything was normal, we met other friends and went swimming. Before that I wasn’t sure how it will be, if I’d still get this feeling, or do I just like him friendship-wise? But this afternoon let no doubt. It was a crush. We talked a bit and also I recognised that he looked at me sometimes. I was sure I wasn’t just imagining.

A month later a big group of friends went on holidays together for a week, including me and him. One night when just the two of us were outside and talking I regretted everything later in bed because I thought I messed it up by not talking much and when saying the wrong things and so on. But then, one night, he slept in my room and we finally hooked up. Also the next day in the bathroom. On our way home we also cuddled in the car and when we said goodbye we said we’ll see each other. Usually, after a week with many people I’d want to chill, but I immediately had the urge to see him again the moment I sat down on my bed. We texted and set up a date a few days later. I couldn’t wait.

We met and went on a hill to watch the sunset. We made out and walked around. It never felt so right for me to hold someones hand publicly. I also told him I would leave for a while, in a month. Before we said goodbye, we talked. I was kind of an idiot because I overshared, and lowkey told him I like him, which I regretted later. When I walked home that night I remember smiling like a dumbass. When I thought about him, I had to smile. Never had I thought that this can be true, that you just have to smile and can’t fight it. So weird. Felt like I was micro dosing molly for a week straight.

Anyways. Then the trouble began. Nothing big in the beginning, but it was very hard to set up dates with him in general and when we were about to meet again he cancelled right before. It wasn’t like when you make plans with someone and they then can’t make it and you’re fine with it, because I was actually sad about it. Also it felt more like it was due to his mismanaged time and that it wasn’t as much as a priority for him. When I saw him in person I felt like he reciprocated everything, which I also never experienced like this. So I was confused. Then I straight up texted if he wants to see me again, or not really? Something that I would have never done that quickly anytime before, but I didn’t want to get my hopes up and was running out of time before I was leaving. He replied that I got it wrong, he really wants to see me again.

And we saw each other again. I went to his place. There was a bit of a fog over it in the beginning, but i eventually passed and we hooked up. I slept there. The next day, he brought me to the train. I think we even kissed as goodbye. He said he would like to do this again, I replied I’d love to. This was the last time I saw him for about a year.

I texted the next days for new plans, nothing came out of it. So I decided to wait for him to ask the next time. I waited 7 days. I almost went mad. It was his birthday in between and I decided not to text him, would’ve been weird. I texted a friend, who's also friends with him and asked if I could meet her. We met and I told her pretty much the whole story. She listened the whole time and asked things in between. Then she said she knows the reason he didn’t reach out. He has another girl and is really in love. I started crying in the middle of the street.

He would have never told me, called, texted or just anything. I was hurt by that. My friend said she would talk to him and hint that he should tell me. And he actually texted me a few days later if I would want to meet „to talk“. I agreed. When he finally responded he postponed the meet up again. I couldn't wait another several days for a conversation that he might reschedule again. It was clearly not important to him at all. I said we should just drop it. That’s was it. No final talk.

Months later, when I was back in town, I saw him on Bumble. I asked my friend about it, but she said it’s weird since she still has his girlfriend. Then I see him on Tinder with an up to date profile. In my mind-delusion I assumed they might actually not date anymore and my friend just doesn’t know yet. Then I saw him again for the first time since everything at a party. He talked to me normally, like nothing happened. Some days later I ask friends why he is on Tinder when he still has a girlfriend. For some reason a part of me expected to hear „oh yeah they broke up“, but no, they told me they both are on there to meet „friends“. I let my illusions go and tried to accept everything as it was.

The funny thing is, I started the draft to this story some days ago. Wanted to write it down to be finished with it and let it go once and for all. Since then I found out they broke up. But this doesn’t mean anything now. I accepted that there will be nothing serious between us, or, at least, I am on the best way to it. I will see him again, because of our mutual friends. So we’ll see how I will do.

I just rarely had such a vibe with someone and it's hard to let that go, you know? Meeting someone you could actually fit together with, someone you feel like you can be authentically yourself in front of at some point, ... it basically never happens. It would have been easier to let it go if he would have been honest and told me in a last talk. Of course, in the beginning I would have been sad as well, but eventually, there is less potential to obsess when it feels finished. And doing the correct thing is what stays, I'm not just saying that, you know I really do appreciate it. Still don't know if I should be angry or just forgive by myself, without ever bringing it up again.

That’s all about this story for now.

I really hope you are good.

Love,

ZL