#i also need to answer to an email for another very important thing

[art-of-firefly]

I ignored a very important call for three days in a row because of my mental health, which obviously makes me feel even worse, which makes it even harder to think about picking up my phone when i receive the call again tomorrow.

I don't even have the strength to listen to the messages they left everydays

[burins]

I know this is the Take Personal Responsibility for Systemic Issues website, but I keep seeing weirdly guilt trippy posts about libraries and ebook licenses, which are a labyrinth from hell and not actually something you personally need to feel guilty about. here are a few facts about ebook licenses you may not know:

in Libby/Overdrive, which currently operates in most US public libraries, ebook licenses vary widely in how much they cost and what their terms are. some ebooks get charged per use, some have a set number of uses before the license runs out, and others have a period of time they're good for (usually 1-2 years) with unlimited checkouts during that period before they expire. these terms are set by the publisher and can also vary from book to book (for instance, a publisher might offer two types of licenses for a book, and we might buy one copy of a book with a set number of uses we want to have but know won't move as much, and another copy with a one year unlimited license for a new bestseller we know will be really moving this year.)

you as a patron have NO way of knowing which is which.

ebook licenses are very expensive compared to physical books! on average they run about 60 bucks a pop, where the same physical book would cost us $10-15 and last us five to ten years (or much longer, if it's a hardcover that doesn't get read a lot.)

if your library uses Hoopla instead, those are all pay per use, which is why many libraries cap checkouts at anywhere between 2-10 per month.

however.

this doesn't mean you shouldn't use ebooks. this doesn't mean you should feel guilty about checking things out! we buy ebook licenses for people to use them, because we know that ebook formats are easier for a lot of people (more accessible, more convenient, easier for people with schedules that don't let them get into the library.) these are resources the library buys for you. this is why we exist. you don't need to feel guilty about using them!

things that are responsible for libraries being underfunded and having to stretch their resources:

government priorities and systemic underfunding of social services that don't turn a profit and aren't easily quantified

our society's failure to value learning and pleasure reading for their own sake

predatory ebook licensing models

things that are not responsible for libraries being underfunded:

individual patron behavior

I promise promise promise that your personal library use is not making or breaking your library's budget. your local politicians are doing that. capitalism is doing that. you are fine.

(if you want to help your local library, the number one thing you can do is to advocate for us! talk to your city or county government about how much you like the library. or call or write emails or letters. advocate for us locally. make sure your state reps know how important the library is to you. there are local advocacy groups in pretty much every state pushing for library priorities. or just ask your local librarian. we like to answer questions!

also, if you're in Massachusetts, bill h3239 would make a huge difference in letting us negotiate ebook prices more fairly. tell your rep to vote for it!)

[a-little-unsteddie]

stuck in your throat || 2.1

[here] || 2.2 || 2.3 || 2.4

i am almost done with writing ch 3, and that means i can publish chapter 2! woo! thanks for everyone’s patience! i’ll be posting twice a week! wed and sat :) this is a short part, but the other three parts are all *much* longer lol.

ch 1, part 1

masterlist

By the time Steve got home, it was a little after six in the evening, so he wasn’t sure if he would hear from Chrissy that night or not. Either way, he was very excited to be able to tell Robin that he got the job.

He felt a buzzing under his skin, an itch to do something productive, so he went to his bedroom and began to sort out his clothes. He immediately realized that he didn’t know how long the tour was going to be, so he pulled out his phone and added the question to his notesapp. How he went so long without asking about it was beyond him, as it seemed like a bit of information that was important.

Putting his phone down, Steve returned to his open closet and stared at his clothes in contemplation. It was at some point after this that he received a call, after he’d started filling a suitcase but before he’d even filled it half way.

Recognizing the number, Steve answered, “Hello, this is Steve speaking.”

“Hello, Steve! It’s Chrissy, how are you?” the woman on the other end responded with a cheerful tone.

“Hi, Chrissy! I’m good, how was your day?” he asked with a wince, god, he hated small talk.

“It was great, thanks for asking!” she answered. “The reason for my call is to let you know that you’ve been chosen as the best qualified candidate! I’ve already emailed you the paperwork that needs to be filled out, as well as details of the contract.”

“Oh, my god! Thank you!” Steve said, trying to act surprised, and not as though Eddie had already told him.

“I know Eddie already told you,” well, there went that, “but I still wanted to call you and let you know officially.”

“Uh, yes, he did tell me,” Steve admitted, slightly embarrassed, but pushed through.

He hated phone calls.

“That’s alright, I figured he would. Do you have any questions for me?” Chrissy asked, a clicking sound happening that Steve assumed was her fidgeting with a pen.

“I do, actually! Two.”

“Great! Hit me with ‘em.”

“How long should I pack for?” Steve asked, biting his lip nervously. He looked at the mess he had created of his room again, this time while trying to pack his suitcase.

“The second half of the tour is about two and a half months, but depending on how things go, you could be hired for a full time position while he’s not touring,” Chrissy answered easily, to which Steve hummed as he filed the information away. “We’ll also be sleeping in hotels some of the nights, so you’ll have access to laundry units in them.”

“Sweet! And, well, the second question might be a bit rude,” he confessed, leaning to rest his back against his bed.

Chrissy’s laughter echoed from the phone, “I’m sure I’ve been asked worse. What is it?”

“Do you happen to be hiring for any other reasons? My best friend, Robin, is looking for a full time job so she doesn’t have to work three part time jobs,” Steve explained, trying to be as appropriate as possible while inquiring about another job for a different person.

“Funny you should ask,” Chrissy said, sounding as though she were grinning, “a stipulation of Eddie getting a nanny is that I would hire an assistant to help with my workload for the band. I’ve only received two applicants, so I’d be more than thrilled to add a third to it. I’ll email you the listing to send to your friend.”

“Really? I honestly didn’t expect that to work,” Steve said, mildly impressed with himself.

Chrissy laughed again, “Well, I haven’t hired her yet,” she teased.

“Still, the only thing I was hesitant about was leaving her behind,” he grabbed a random shirt and started folding it to have something to fidget with. “I’m glad that there’s a chance. I’ll definitely have her send in an application.”

“Great! Any other questions?” she asked, to which Steve responded in the negative.

“Not at the moment, no.”

“I’ll get you the information of what we talked about, then, and you should be good. We’ll see you on the 17th.”

“See you on the 17th,” Steve confirmed with a wide smile. The line went dead, and he immediately checked his email for the documents she had sent before the call.

i tagged everyone who was tagged in ch 1, and anyone who requested it in the last part. lmk if i missed you, and if you want to be added, verify either in the comments, tags, messaging me, or your bio that you’re 18+. thank you <;3

@marklee-blackmore @paintsplatteredandimperfect @steddie-as-they-go @disrespectedgoatman @lingeringmirth @hyperfixated-on-stuff @swimmingbirdrunningrock @littlewildflowerkitten @sani-86 @thegingerrapunzel @adventures-in-mangaland @missingmalfoy1 @yellowdevilkitten @extra-transitional @queen-stevie @stevesbipanic @crypticcorvidinacottage @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @eyehartart @gutterflower77 @chaosgremlinmunson @goodolefashionedloverboi @fairytalesreality @dawners

[aicosu]

Guys, I hate to do this.

Any of you who know me in any circle know that I'm a very professional, very private lady who hates any sort of disc horse breeds that might give me a headache. But this one is important, and my goal here is the integrity and reputation of artists.

For my credentials: I have been a part of five zines in the past. Two I moderated, and one I ran, created, laid out, printed, and shipped in its entirety.

So anyway:

HELLCHEER ZINE BULLSHIT

I joined Hellcheer and the Kindred Freaks Zine very late. Well, after sign ups, check-ins, etc. I saw it was happening in april-ish and shot a DM to the twitter to join. I did both a full art page and a cosplay page.

At the time, the server was quiet but kind. We got updates on the number of orders and books being made.

@Lawless is the runner of the Zine. They created and organized it. They are in charge of the main emails, the selling website, the orders, the shipping, and the funds. (To be clear, this level of sole responsibility is not ABNORMAL in a zine. And is not always an issue.)

@Valerie is the 'social media' mod. They are in charge of managing announcements and answering questions on Twitter and Tumblr. Please keep in mind: No one wants anything but a fast and easy recovery for both Lawless and their mother. Medical emergencies, heck—LIFE happens. It's always okay to put a hiatus on anything, even product with money, in order to take care of yourself and family. Every single contributor only wants them to be clear in what they need and how we can help.

So lets break down what's happening.

Back in May, Lawless went radio silent on the status of books and merch coming in. Another contributor and I, @Toguchin, start dming Lawless to make sure everything is on track. They come back after a week and apologize for being MIA, explaining that their mom got sick. We thank them for all their hard work and wish them and their mom well.

On July 15th, after contributors and customers inquire on delays to meeting the announced shipping deadline, Lawless makes a twitter post saying shipping has started and contributor copies will be happening. They proceeded to go MIA from the server discord and have been since.

The following week, contributors and customers discover that shipping HAS NOT started. Labels have been created and printed, but nothing appears to be in transit at all.

Toguchin and I started getting reached out to by customers worrying their packages are lost. We report this to the zine server to NO RESPONSE. Except @Ashlee, the discord mod who also has heard nothing.

July 20th to 22nd with customers complaining and theorizing a scam in mind; Toguchin and I propose that PDFs be given out to assure and apologize for delays.

We as a server discover a few things: 1. We cannot access the list of buyers at all in order to email apology zines because Lawless did not share the account information with anyone. 2. We cannot access the main email for the same reason. 3. Valerie, the social media mod, deleted discord and distanced themselves from the Hellcheer fandom and has not been checking the Twitter or tumblr, or discord notifications since May.

Ashlee and Ichikun contact Valerie to sign on.

I made a new email and said fuck it, we need to do something to assuage fears, let them send receipts to honor their zines. Valerie didn't know what to post or say or how to answer everyone, so I gave them a copy paste.

Still no words from Lawless but hoping for the best knowing the have a medical emergency, Ashlee and I begin answering the new email for PDFs, but cant help people change addresses or give them any update!!!

Throughout the weeks mods and contributors ping Lawless constantly asking if they need any help! Any help at all, answering emails, changing order addresses, heck a few of us ask if we can pick up the books and packages and ship stuff for them so they can hands off the project and take care of their mom. No response.

We send message after message saying if Lawless can share picture proof, that would be great cause scam theories and chargebacks are starting. BUT ALSO, we let Lawless know we and customers will ABSOLUTELY UNDERSTAND delays if they just communicate it. That if they post in server and on Twitter that shipping needs to wait a month or two, no one will mind. No responses.

July 31, Lawless makes a Twitter update with comments disabled that they are shipping ALL packages that monday with a picture of packages. They also call Valerie privately and tell the issue that USPS refuses to pick up shipments from Lawless has, and they can't leave their mothers side from the post office. They also claim they can only deliver ten packages at a time at the post when they go. *USPS has no such rules. Me and other mutuals who run shops have never had such a problem.

A week later, we realize that customers and our packages are still not in transit. Labels printed only. Most of us assume all packages are just label printed and sitting at Lawless' house.

We beg for updates from Valerie or Lawless. Valerie doubles down on Lawless old reasonings and also officially goes MIA until present day.

Throughout August, USA packages get delivered. A few more updates are made straight to Twitter and Tumblr with comments off. Radio silence in server.

As packages arrive, we all become aware from people's posts and pictures that random Stranger Things Art Stickers are included. No credit to any artist is given? No contributor is responsible for this art. These are suspected to be BOUGHT from Amazon. STOLEN arts amazon sellers resell in packs. NO contributor is okay with this!!! Valerie responds with no response at all.

As of now:

No response to missing digital copies. Ashlee and I cannot give out any without receipts because we have no access to buyers list. Nor can we answer missing packages inquiries cause we have no info. International packages unaccounted for. SCRUNCHIES FREE OR OTHERWISE UNACCOUNTED FOR. Zero word on contributor copies. Zero word on donation status. Zero word on generated profit or book and shipping cost. No way to verify funds at all. No word from Lawless to contributors since July 15. From Valerie since the 31st.

Some notes:

Turning off twitter comments was NEVER what any one of us wanted. A ZINE LAYOUT was never shared. So until people had them in hand or in PDF none of us realized that the credits DO NOT POINT TO ANY SOCIAL MEDIA. All of our usernames are handle-less? This was extremely disappointing. This one matters to me: Our FanEdit artist was not aware their work was not getting a full page. Again no pre-layout was shared. So their work is tiny and in the margins of the front and back. That's not okay. All of us wanted to help in any way we could. NONE of us doubt Lawless intentions or emergencies. But lying, misleading, non-communicating and turning off comments are all things we did not consent to. All of us only wanted a cordial, honest response. None of us actually cared about delays as much as we did communications. There has been many noticeable times Lawless has been online, posting privately or otherwise, even active on Discord and has not reached out.

Why make a post:

Customers should know contributors fought for them. That we did everything we could and our reputation as artists in the fandom shouldn't be tarnished cause two creators decided to disappear. Contributors should get their copies. Many of us BOUGHT bundles. I've been in five zines and every single one gave out free contributor copies WITH merch!!

I'm also attaching all server screenshots for integrity. I'm in half a mind to release the zine PDF publicly, for free, for everyone at this point. I personally think it's only fair since many are still missing just that. But I do not want to insult anyone who paid for just the PDF regardless of the potential contribution to charity. But it's really up to customers, not me.

[siampie]

Risk and Reward||Chapter 1: When I Met You

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 4.1k

Summary: You have a hard time settling into your new life but with new acquaintances and newfound friendships. You slowly find your footing.

Warnings/tags: 18+ contains smut (not sure, don’t know how to write it but I’ll try), angst, fluff, mutual pining, idiots in love, childhood trauma

A/N: So, this is a first for me. Please be indulgent. I am no stranger to writing fiction. I’ve done it before just not on this platform. Also, this is my first time writing in 2nd POV and for Matt Murdock. There isn’t much of him in this chapter but I hope the small bits I have is as close as it is to his character. I did what I always do before writing fiction, read other writers' work and see how they capture the character and watched videos or episodes to get a good feel of the character. So, I hope you will like it. Feedback is welcome. And just enjoy! Also English is not my first language.

Chapter List || Next Chapter

Masterlist || Join my tag list

Dividers by @cafekitsune

Song the title is referring to:

You gave me a reason for my being

And I love what I’m feelin’

You gave me a meaning to my life

Yes, I’ve gone beyond existing

And it all began when I met you

“Another day, another week.” You whispered to yourself as you stepped in the building where you work. You smiled quickly at the receptionist before making your way to the elevator. After you made the big move across the states, you were lucky to land a job as a proofreader in a publishing house. It wasn’t your dream job but it was the next best thing.

For as far as you can remember, you have always been taking care of your family. Many expectations and responsibilities were put on your shoulders from a very young age. So, when your brother stepped in and decided to move your father in with him, you felt some relief. A load was being taken off of your shoulders. You loved your family. But over the years, you had started to resent them slightly. You resented your father for being sick. You resented him for taking out his bad moods on you. You resented your siblings because they get to live their lives. You resented them for leaving you behind in the dust. You knew you loved them but you resented them. And you didn’t want to hate them. So, you left.

You made the move to Hell’s Kitchen, six months ago and you had big plans. First of which, was to properly kickstart your life. You didn’t think it would be easy. You knew it would have been a challenge but you didn’t think it would be that hard. After six months, you thought you would have made some friends or at least some acquaintances. But shy as you were, and as cautious as you were, making friends did not come easy for you.

You dropped your bag on the ground next to your chair. And dropped your coat on the back of it. Your desk was already stacked with manuscripts that needed to be proofread. You always started your day the same, first you read your emails and answered the most important ones. Then came coffee and then came reading with a red pen. You were to review any typos that may have somehow slipped past the author and the copy editor. You were also to review for issues like kerning and stacking and whether the running head is consistent. Proofreading was the last step before publication. You knew it was an important step, so you did it thoroughly. And you did it well. At least, you thought you did. Your boss had not complained about your work so far. And you took it as a good sign.

One of your coworkers stopped by your desk and softly called your name. You looked up at her. You knew her, you had barely interacted with her a few days before. She had long, red hair, that you loved, and legs for days. Her name was Amelia. A few nights ago, as you were leaving after workhours, she was standing outside of the building. A cigarette between her lips as she was looking for something.

“Excuse me?” She stopped you. You turned to her. “Do you have a lighter?”

“Yeah.” You nodded quickly. Your best friend from high school, had convinced you to buy a pack of lighter once. Telling you that it was the best way to meet people and to make friends. More precisely to meet your future boyfriend. “There you go.” You handed her the lighter.

“Thanks.” She lit her cigarette before giving it back to you. She took a long drag at it. The tension in her shoulders dropped. “I needed that.”

“You’re welcome.” You smiled at her and turned to leave.

“You’re that new proofreader, aren’t you?” She asked you.

“Yeah.” And you gave her your name.

“That’s a pretty name.” She remarked. “I’m Amelia.”

“Nice to meet you.” Amelia was not a proofreader. She was an acquisitions editor. The one, literary agents would come to, to sell a book. The book landed in her hands first, and if they made it past her, they landed in yours last.

You stayed with her long after she finished her cigarette. You walked with her because it was dark out. And Hell’s Kitchen wasn’t the safest place to be after dark. And there was strength in numbers. Coincidentally, your flat and hers weren’t that far apart. So, you walked her home before going to yours.

After that, you had not seen or heard much of Amelia. You thought that was it. But there she was, talking to you.

“So, some of us are going to grab a drink after work and I thought that maybe you would love to join us?” She sat on your desk.

“It’s barely 9 and you’re already thinking about the end of the day.” You scoffed lightly.

“Well, I need something to look forward to.” Amelia laughed. “So, wanna come?”

Your default answer was ready to come out of your mouth. You were already making up excuses to not go. And then you stopped yourself. Why shouldn’t you go tonight? There was no one waiting for you at home. You had no obligations. It could be a fun night out; you could even make a few new friends. Might even start a new friendship with Amelia. After all, she came to seek you out. She wanted to invite you.

“Why?” You had not meant to ask this out loud.

“What?”

“Why invite me? We barely talked to each other? Why ask me?”

“You said you just moved here in Hell’s Kitchen, remember?” Amelia gave you a tight smile. And you nodded at her words. “I figured I do the nice thing and invite you to come with us. Since, you don’t really know anyone here.”

Now, you felt stupid. You could feel your neck and cheeks heat up with your embarrassment. Not everyone was going to hurt you. There were good people in the world, you had to remind yourself of that.

“Sorry.” You apologized quickly. “I—I would love to come.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” You nodded quickly.

“Good, I’ll come and get you when it’s time to go.”

You pressed your hands against your neck. If you could see yourself, you were sure there would be splotches of red all over it. Of course, you had to go and ask why? If “no” was your default answer most of the time, “why?” wasn’t too far behind. When your niece had first told you she loved you, your first answer wasn’t to say it back. It was to ask her why? And she had answered very sweetly: “Because you’re funny and you give the best hugs. And you always play with me.” And after that you never asked again. You only said it back. Because you did, you loved her very much.

You did not know why you did this. It was almost as though you did not believe that good things could happen to you. And if it did, it was not sincere. It was because someone wanted something from you and once, they got it. They’d leave you high and dry.

As the end of your day was nearing. Your anxiety was starting to get the better of you. You dreaded the moment Amelia would come and pick you up. You had agreed to it earlier because you genuinely wanted to. But now, all you wanted, was to go home. Not because you were drained or overstimulated. No, because you simply did not feel like going anymore. You were hoping she would forget about you. Or at least, it would have been cancelled.

It wasn’t cancelled. And you couldn’t just bail on them. It was the first time, since you arrived in Hell’s Kitchen, that you had been invited to hang out. If you bailed on them now, you might not be invited ever again. So, you went. And who knows, you might have some fun.

“Josie’s.” You read out as you stopped in front of the bar with Amelia.

“Yeah, it’s a dive bar, really.” Amelia told you quickly. “But the drinks good enough.”

“Okay.”

She pulled you in after her. You both stopped at the bar to order your drinks and she then took you to their table. It was a small gathering. You recognized a few people, there was the receptionist; Clara. Then, there was another proofreader, you had interacted with. Barely. His name was Sebastian and some other people. You sat next to Amelia.

As soon as you sat down, they resumed their conversations. You were a silent observer. You laughed at their jokes. You listened intently to what they were saying. And you were really brief when they asked you questions about yourself. And redirected the attention on someone else as quickly as possible. You did not want the spotlight to be on you.

While your coworkers were conversing with one another, you couldn’t help but glanced around you. Your eyes travelled over the numerous patrons in the bar. Bikers, blue collar workers and some white-collar workers. They were many. The bar seemed to be quite successful.

And then your eyes landed on him.

Dark haired, with red tinted glasses and a cane. His plump lips were begging to be kissed, his jawline was to die for. His hair looked soft to the touch and you were itching to run your fingers through them. His shirt was so tight that it left nothing to the imagination. You could tell that he was well built underneath it. And his smile—oh, his smile was the most beautiful, you’ve ever laid eyes on. It lit up his whole face. Made him look younger. He looked perfect in every way.

You quickly darted your eyes away. You did not want to be caught staring. However, it was too late. Unbeknownst to you, Amelia had caught you looking.

“So, you look like you’re enjoying yourself.” Amelia said as she pulled you to the bar, to grab another drink.

“I am.” You nodded. “Thank you for inviting me.”

“No problem.” Amelia nudged your shoulder. “Would you want to do it again sometimes?”

“Yes, but can we space them out?”

“Oh, don’t worry about that.” She snorted. “It’s only when the urge strikes.” And she turned away from you. She looked over her shoulder briefly. “So, someone caught your eye.”

“What? No.” You answered quickly.

“That’s not what I saw.” She smirked at you. Josie pushed your beers towards you. “You kept staring at glasses over there.” She waved her hand towards perfect man.

“No, I did not.” You protested while pulling her hand down.

“Oh, come on!” Amelia insisted. “It’s not a crime. He’s pretty and you have eyes. It’s okay to stare a little.”

“Stop.”

“But you know what would be even better?”

“I’m going to regret this.” You rolled your eyes in annoyance. “What?”

“If you spoke to the guy. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“Rejection.” You simply answered.

“Well, rejection is part of the game.” She shrugged. You gave out a deep sigh, and put your chin in the palm of your hand. “You got nothing to lose and everything to gain.”

Nothing to lose? Easy for her to say. After all, she wasn’t the one who had her heart broken, so many times, that there was barely anything left of it. When it came to the matters of the heart, you did not think that the risks were worth it. Even if it was for a Pretty Boy.

Your eyes landed on him again, in spite of yourself. His eyes seemed to be on you and Amelia. Almost as though he was directly looking at you. But he was blind, right? That would be impossible.

“You’re staring again.” She teased you. And you turned back to the bar quickly.

“Drop it.” You told her sternly. “It’s not worth it.” Her eyebrows went into her hairline. “Plus, a guy like him would never go for a girl like me.”

“What? Beautiful and sweet?”

“I’m not beautiful. I’m not ugly but I’m not beautiful. I’m average at best.” You shook your head. “And I’m not sweet.”

Amelia looked at you baffled by your defensiveness over compliments. You acted as though she insulted you. She pushed your beer away from you.

“First, those were compliments and not insults. So, take them.” Amelia said. “And why would he go for someone else when he could go for you?”

“You’re being this nice to me over a lighter?”

“It’s not just about the lighter.” She told you. “You walked me home. You didn’t have to but you did. It was very kind and sweet. Thus, proving my point. You are sweet.”

“It was practical. My flat isn’t too far away from yours. And it was as much for your safety as it was for mine.” You shrugged. “It’s dangerous at night in Hell’s Kitchen.”

Amelia rolled her eyes and groaned in frustration. “You are going to take that compliment. I will beat it into you, if I have to.”

“That would be assault.”

“You thing you’re funny, uh?”

“I think I’m adorable.”

“Bitch, you’re testing my patience.” And that got a laugh out of you. She shook her head and laughed with you. “You really are annoying.”

“That’s more like it.” You grinned at her. “Want me to walk you home again?”

“Yeah,” She nodded and clinked her beer with yours. “We finish our drinks and then, we’re good to go.”

“Okay.”

She waved her finger at you. “But this conversation is not over.”

“What conversation?” You retorted, taking on a faux air of innocence.

Amelia glared at you which elicited a chuckle out of you. “Put a few drinks in you and you turn into a comedian. Who would have thought?”

“I could have mentioned it. Save you some time.”

“Do you need to have an answer to everything?”

“Should I answer that or--?”

“Oh, shut up.” And you snorted.

She raised her beer to her lips and toss it back. She gulped the rest of the bottle down and slammed it back onto the counter. Both of your empty bottles were left on the counter and you walked back to your small group of friends. On your way there, your eyes automatically found Pretty Boy, once again. Again, his gaze seemed to be on you and you dropped your eyes to the ground immediately. Feeling guilty that you were staring again, you let out a long sigh and muttered to yourself. “If he’s ever going for someone, it would be for Amelia.”

“There you go.” Amelia handed you your coat and bag. “What are you muttering to yourself again?”

“What do you mean again?” You asked stunned, blood rushing to your neck and cheeks. “You caught me doing that a lot?”

“You are not really trying to hide it.” Amelia shrugged. “So, what was it?”

“Nothing. It was nothing.” You pouted while you put on your coat.

“Was it about Pretty Boy?” She smirked at you.

“Oh, stop!” You said as sternly as possible with your lips jutted out in a pout. “It wasn’t about Pretty Boy.”

“Hmm,” She nodded smugly. “I’ll pretend I believe that.” She laced her arm with yours as you both exited the bar.

“He is really pretty.” You smiled shyly. Amelia’s shoulder nudged yours, as she giggled along with you.

“Next time, we see him. You’re talking to him.” You groaned at her words.

That night was the first time, you ever laid eyes on him. And you thought it would be the last time.

What were the chances for you to stumble upon him in this city ever again? He could be living outside of the city. Or it was only chance that brought him there tonight. And this was a once in a lifetime chance to meet the love of your life. And you blew it.

“Shut up!” You groaned as you slapped your forehead. “I did not blow my chance because there wasn’t one to begin with.”

“Voices in your head?” Amelia put down the lighter next to you.

“They’re really loud today.” You shook your head. “And you don’t have to bring it back all the time. You can keep it.”

“I won’t have an excuse to come and see you. anymore”

“You don’t really need one.” You sighed.

“True.” She smirked. “Wanna go to Josie’s tonight?”

“What are we celebrating?” You retorted.

“Nothing.” Amelia shrugged. “I thought maybe we could blow off some steam.” She shrugged and sat down on your desk. “Seeing as those last two months were kinda crazy.”

“Yeah, they were.” You agreed. “I mean we are nearing the end of the season.”

As it were in the publishing world, books are published in a three-season cycle: Winter, Summer and Fall. Winter season came to a close by the end of April and the datelines were getting closer. For the last two months, you and your team had been working nonstop. You and the author of the book you were proofreading, were going back and forth about editing issues he had. And his anxieties regarding the matter were also affecting you. Under pressure and anxious, you and your coworkers had no time to go back out.

“I could use the break.” You leaned back in your chair. “And a couple of beers.”

“It’s a date.” Amelia got back on her feet. “Meet you by the reception desk.”

“Yeah, see you.”

Amelia and you were on the sidewalk in front of Josie’s. She was smoking a cigarette before you both get in.

“Doesn’t it bother you?” Amelia asked you.

“I like the smell of it.” You shrugged.

She took another puff before she elbowed your side. You glared at her.  Her pointy elbow dug into your side painfully. “What’s that for?”

“It seems you’re in luck tonight.” She looked down at you. And with a jerk of her head, she indicated at something behind you.

You turned around and there he was. Tapping his cane on the sidewalk, holding the arm of a beautiful blonde. There was a man, blonde also, walking on his other side. Pretty Boy’s tie was loose around his neck and slightly crooked. A giant smile was on his face as the beautiful lady on his side threw her head back in laughter. You kept your eyes on their little group as they disappeared into the bar.

“Alright, tonight’s the night.” Amelia took a last puff out of her cigarette.

“What?” You turned to her confused.

“We agreed that next time we see him here, you would talk to him.”

“I did not agree to anything. You agreed with yourself.” You told her as she started to drag you toward the bar. “Amelia, stop!” You pulled your arm away from her.

“What are you so afraid of?” Amelia huffed in annoyance.

“Rejection. Humiliation. Mortification. Embarrassment.” You started to list out.

Sure, he was handsome. He was painfully handsome. And although, you had thought of his lips on yours, of his hands running through your hair as he whispered sweet nothings in your ear. Your hands flew to your ears at the thought. They warmed up as your blood rushed to them. You couldn’t do it. You couldn’t talk to him.

“I’m perfectly fine with watching him from afar.” You said quietly, dropping your hands. “Can we go somewhere else, please?” You crossed your arms over your chest, making yourself as small as possible.

She dropped an arm around your shoulders and pulled you into her side. “We already here, so we might as well go in.” You started pulling away from her. “I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to. Relax.” She pulled you back in and turned you towards the doors.

“Promise?” You put your pinky out.

“Promise.” She hooked her pinky with yours.

In most situations, you weren’t afraid to go after what you wanted. Of course, you had to pass it through a few people first. Just to make sure you were making the right decision. Especially, when it came to your job. But when it came to relationships—romantic ones, you never took the first step. You were always afraid that the people you wanted—you desired—wouldn’t want you back. Which explains your lack of experiences when it came to dating. And the disappointing sexual experiences you had.

You sat at the bar and ordered your beer. Amelia sat beside you but kept looking over her shoulder. You turned briefly to where she was looking. And surely enough, she was looking directly towards Pretty Boy and his friends. You sighed and turned back around.

“You promised, remember?” You told her. “Pinky promised. Those are sacred.”

“Yeah, I know.” She pouted and turned back around. “You’re going to regret it later.”

“Don’t I know it?” You exhaled deeply.

How many times have you let someone go before you were too afraid to speak? How much longer will you stay up at night wondering about what ifs? How much longer will you stand in the way of your own happiness? How much longer will you live in fear?

There was comfort in fear. It kept you on your toes. It told you where the edge was. It helped you survive. There was nothing wrong with fear. There were no broken hearts, no hurt feelings. It was safe.

And yet—you wished you could take that step. You knew you could. You’ve done it before. You left the comfort of your home. Of everything you’ve known to come here in Hell’s Kitchen. What was the worse that could happen in talking to him? Nothing, right? It was just talking. A simple conversation between two people. Or maybe, you would just give him your number. He could call you if he wanted to. If not—well, you would keep wondering why he didn’t call you. The thought of it was torture enough.

You glanced back over your shoulder at Pretty Boy. He was no longer sitting with his friends. His coat was still there on the back of his chair, but he was gone. You turned back to your drink, and sorrowfully starting to play with the condensation on your beer.

“What can I get you, Murdock?”

“Just another beer, Josie, thanks.”

You turned your eyes towards the voice. And there he was. So, much more handsome up close. His voice was nice and deep. Music to your ears. You turned your eyes away from him. Your heartbeat was now racing in your ribcage. You looked up at the ceiling, searching for some sort of answers.

“Hey, I’m gonna go out for a smoke.” Amelia announced slamming her bottle on the counter.

“I’ll come with you.” You squeaked out.

“You should definitely stay and enjoy yourself.” Amelia pulled her hair out of the collar of her coat. “I’ll be back in a moment. You should—you know strike up a conversation or two.” And she pointedly looked at the man by your side.

You gasped as she left. “You promised!” You called after her. “Pinky promised.”

“What did she promise?” Pretty Boy asked you. A grin plastered on his face.

You took a few minutes to answer, your eyes following Amelia’s exit out of the bar. And let out a breath. “To not make me do something I didn’t want to do.”

“And what was it? The thing you didn’t want to do.”

You couldn’t help the small grin that came onto your face before you answered. “Striking up a conversation with someone.”

“Ah.” He nodded. “Why not?”

“It’s kind of terrifying for me to—talk to people.” The blood was rushing to your chest, your heart was slamming against your ribcage.

“You’re talking to me now.” His voice seemed lower as he spoke.

You scoffed. “True. I am.”

“How does it feel?” His lips twitched up at the corners.

“Not as terrifying as I thought.”

He chuckled. And you smiled at the sound. “I’m Matt.” He extended his hand out to you.

You put your hand in his. Your breath hitched in your throat as your skin touched his. You cleared your throat before giving him your name.

“You have a pretty name.” He told you.

“You make it sound prettier.” You quipped back, feeling braver now. His eyebrows flew high on his forehead before he let out a laugh. You laughed along with him. “Nice to meet you, Matt.”

“Pleasure’s all mine.” He nodded, this boyish grin never leaving his face.

That was the night you officially met Matt Murdock. It wasn’t as daunting as you thought it would be. In fact, speaking with Matt came easy to you. His eyes were unseeing and yet, they were always on you. And for once in your life, you did not mind the attention.

You didn’t think anything life altering would come of it. If anything, you thought you were gaining another friend.

Little did you know…

Chapter List || Next Chapter

[onpurposeilovehimonpurpose]

Touching Tuesday - pt2 - Strong Henry

After King James states that he's read their emails, as intrusive and terrible as that must feel, Henry doesn't recoil at the knowledge that his grandfather read the things he said to Alex. Instead, he continues to be proud and strong and the whole time, Phillip is watching them. Perhaps he realizes that by reading them, there is no way that the king can deny his feelings for Alex, and hopes that he won't ask that. And the smirk they share as they check in with one another says so much more than words could. Also, Henry moves his thumb just barely, soothingly over Alex's finger, it's just a tiny movement, but the gesture makes me swoon.

The looks on their faces after the king acknowledges their love is genuine, even if they don't need the man's validation; they're trying so hard to hold back their happiness because they know they're just beginning the battle with him. Henry is so strong to do this in front of a man who hurt him and demanded his desires stay hidden. Their hands grip one another tightly, supporting each other the way they both need at that moment.

Watching Henry's movements and Alex's with their free hands. It shows their initial reactions to the King telling Henry that his responsibility is not to his heart, but to his country. Alex's reaction is so much smaller in comparison to Henry's, but it's those fingers of his, moving just a bit, as they tend to do whenever he has feelings he's unsure of. Notice Alex swallowing around the lump that probably formed in his throat when he took in what the king was clearly wanting from Henry. An agreement to deny the accusations. Henry's posture slumps a little, and he walks his fingers across his knee and then curls that hand into a fist, holding off the emotions he feels at the unfair expectations the king is pushing on his shoulders. But their joined hands never waver, they don't move at all.

Henry reacting to the king's ridiculous idea that they need to maintain the royal image, considering doing otherwise is out of the question, that he's allowing himself to react with a defiant expression is something he never would've allowed before, he would've controlled it. But then, before he can say anything, Alex questions the king. It's so incredible to me that Alex does this, ignoring the fact that the man is king, he's just another man whose bullshit beliefs should be questioned. It's clear neither one of them at this point cares that he's a king. He's just a man who wants them to repress their feelings, and their relationship and is willing to ignore the love he sees in front of him.

Now I want to talk about the touching and what it means for Henry to no longer hold Alex's hand. This man has taken all the comfort and strength that became a little feedback loop between them, and he's like... "I'm going to stand up for myself on my own right now because Alex doesn't deserve to be considered a problem and neither do I." He says, "You think you can make me get in line by fear or guilt and expectations? You think that I'm only questioning this crap because of the man sitting beside me who I love, who you know I love, is here holding my hand through this? You're very wrong about that." And he goes back to his habit of trying to twirl his ring (even if he's not wearing it) and he situates himself so that he's not so stiff, so that he almost appears like he's relaxing and that this conversation is casual, and he's unbothered.

RED, WHITE & ROYAL BLUE (2023) dir. Matthew Lopez

Henry asks his question, and he is saying, "You don't want Alex to have a voice, but I will help him have one because I will ask the same damn thing and wait for you to give me the bullshit answer I know is coming because I've decided that I don't care what you say. I'm gonna sit back, and I'm gonna ask this question and watch you squirm as you realize that I am strong and I am my own person, and I deserve more than what you want me to have."

One of the most important / (imo needed) changes from the book to the movie was this scene right here, and I am glad that Matthew Lopez made sure to put this change in. While I do like that Catherine in the book came out of her grief to start to be there for her children, her children were younger in the book. Henry is older in the movie; he is nearing thirty years old, and though he is obviously hurt that his mother isn't around, he is also fully an adult, and I think that after all this time, HE needed to be the one to stand up for himself, for his love and his relationship. He needed to deal with this, and he had Alex's support and Bea's, but this was his moment. He gets to show who he has always been inside and gets the chance to be the man he has become because of knowing Alex and accepting his love and encouragement.

The look on his face as he asks that question tells how differently he values himself and his happiness than what we saw from him previously.

[emkayewrites]

Another photo that inspired one of the chapters of ''Curtain Fall', my Lukola fanfiction.

Here's a sneak preview:

It was going to be a hot summer.

She could sense it.

Traditionally, English summer involved occasional rain showers and the need to pull on a warm pair of socks but this year the weather had been consistently dry and warm.  In fact, the fluffy pink socks she had bought to London were still in her suitcase over a month later.

These were the thoughts on her mind that evening as she stepped into the twenty-fifth floor apartment that she was calling a temporary home.  The space was open plan; a kitchen complete with marble worktops that stretched into a living room that was surrounded by large windows. An orange-red sunset painted the city skyline before her. 

She slipped out of her black, open-toed kitten heels and enjoyed the soothing coolness of the floorboards on her sore feet.  She switched on a few lamps, moving around the cream sofa and glass coffee table that took center stage in the living room area.

Ping!

She deliberated ignoring her phone.  All she wanted in that moment was to soak in a bath, then curl into bed and fall into a very deep sleep.  Her better nature advised her against it, recalling that the last time she had been out-of-contact for an entire day was also the last time her mother had almost had a panic attack. 

This was the thing about press days.  They were all-consuming.  Today, it had been swelteringly hot but there had been no opportunity to stop and sufficiently hydrate herself, let alone answer a text message.  She reminded herself that there was a time in her life where she would lose entire days to social media; feeling a sense of shame when she came to the end of her Instagram feed, something she had not known was even possible.

The message was from Luke; it was a screenshot from an article.

The article was titled: Nicola Coughlan wowed in a chic white shirt dress by London designer Simone Rocha. She was greeted with an image of herself: blonde hair expertly parted at one side with bright-red lips.  The dress in question was cinched in at the waist by extra sleeves that functioned as a belt. It was a look that Aimée, her stylist, assured her was sophisticated and fashion-forward. 

“Wow, I know her!” He had commented.

She laughed despite herself, flopping down onto the sofa.

She was still in the dress.  The photo had only been taken a few hours ago and was already featured in Vogue’s Best Dressed At Wimbledon list before she had even had a chance to get home and into a change of clothes.  Life had gradually become strange but since the Derry Girls finale last month, the media and fan attention had ramped up in a very noticeable way.  

“For the last time - get me OFF your Google Alerts, demon.” She texted back, still smiling.

There was an ongoing chain of messages between them that had started since their weekend away.  Some mornings she would wake up to a meme from him.  Other times, she had been the one to share a random musing that sparked a day of back-and-forth commentary, complete with GIFs.  They had continued this pattern despite the reality of her life catching up to her.  Very quickly, she had become an actress that was ending her run on one highly successful show and about to headline another.  Her publicist and agent were inundated which meant she was inundated. 

Now, days were spent at some glamorous event or other and any free time was dedicated to catching up with work emails and her family and where possible, Luke.  Everyone and everything else would have to wait.  This would be her routine until Bridgerton started filming.  Speaking to Luke every day was important.  It reignited the trust and humour that was central to their friendship.  It was not a spark she wanted to lose this close to the start of filming even if some days all she could muster up was an emoji response.

You can read more here:

[bebsibby]

The Top Surgery Log

Hello! I got top surgery yesterday! I want to catalogue my experience so I can remember it and provide some insight for people who want it but haven't gotten it yet. I will continue to update this post as my healing goes on. Everything under the read more!

Leading Up

My insurance is with Kaiser which has been an AWESOME experience so far. They do require a therapist letter, so no informed consent, but the process was very simple and there were a lot of people dedicated to getting me what I needed.

I had about 3 therapist meetings where she just asked me questions about my experience with gender and how my transition has gone so far, my support network, can I afford it, etc. Then she wrote my letter, sent it off to the surgical team, and I was approved within a few days!

After that I had my very first consult with the surgeon. He took pictures, did a breast exam, asked about general health and family health history, then gave me a little presentation of the process. It had post up photos of prior patients, a lot of explanations of the types of surgeries available that he does, and a lot of good information in general. He answered a lot of my questions and made me feel fully confident and prepared for the experience.

Also important to note: I told him the surgery I had been wanting ever since I started doing top surgery research was Inverted-T and I was curious of he knew of it/why that WASN'T an option they offered. He explained everything to me and showed me what he expected my results to look like if I DID want to go to a different surgeon outside of Kaiser. Said surgeon does NOT accept insurance, but would work with the insurance side of things to make sure they would reimburse for the expenses. I really appreciate that because it showed me they wanted to do get exactly what I wanted.

Based on all of that, I decided to just opt for Double Incision both to save me time and get a result that was aesthetically more pleasing to me. Loss of nipple sensation is unfortunate, but apparently IT only has the potential to bring a little sensation back, which wasn't worth all the extra hoop jumping for me.

After this consult, my surgeon told me to think about everything then email him a few days later with my decision. I did and then a few days later got my call to schedule. I got to pick my date but not the time of day, as I would later learn that's decided by the hospital and not me. Once my surgery was scheduled, another pre-op appointment was scheduled about a month before the surgery date. That appointment was very short, as it was just signing consent forms and confirming everything I wanted. He also gave me a packet of supplies I needed to get before the surgery.

After that, I'd occasionally receive emails with more pre-op instructions, like when to stop eating and drinking, showering instructions, when to stop certain medication, and how to care for my drains.

The Surgery

The day before surgery I had initially planned to do all of the last minute housework and leave for the surgery the next morning. HOWEVER, when I got my call to tell me the time, it turns I had to be there by 6 AM! The surgery center is over an hour away from me and the bus my wife and I were going to take didn't run that early, so we had to scramble to make other plans. Luckily the friend who was going to drive us back home was cool with us crashing on his floor for the night, so we were able to do the most important things at home then take the bus down the day before.

Once we were all set up for the night, I did the first cleaning routine that I was required to do, set my alarm, then tried to sleep. I didn't get much due to Hard Floor and also excited but that wasn't a biggie because I'd be sleeping again soon LOL.

Next morning I woke up, did my second skin cleansing, and we headed out! I checked in, waited a little in the waiting room, then got called back to start.

Everyone who was working with me was SUPER funny and kind. I got asked more questions, signed another form, took some pre-med tylenol, them stripped to switch into my gown, bonnet, and grippy socks (Got to keep those btw :>) My IV got put in my wrist which REALLY fucking hurt!!!!!! It never stopped aching. After that, the surgeon popped in to check on me and see if I had any questions, then they wheeled me in to the operating room.

I had gotten another premed via IV that was already making me tired, and I remember the last thing being the surgeon saying what to do with my removed tissue once he was done and I was gone!

The surgery itself lasted around four hours, but all I remember is waking up and seeing my wife and friend sitting at the foot of the bed. I said hi to them and that was apparently third time I had said it. I had been up and talking to them for awhile all loopy but also becoming suddenly very serious when talking with the nurses. I've had a few surgeries but I've NEVER been this way after so that was funny. The nurse had also been giving ME all of the postop discharge info and I don't remember it so thats unfortunate! I only remember her talking about the drains. I had to read it all again when I got home but it was all good.

Once I was awake enough, they wheel-chaired me down to my friends car, packed us all up and we headed back home. I napped about half the time but still kept my eyes closed when i was awake and talking bc my vision was still FUCKED and it was so bright out. We got home, I was lead inside, and that was that pretty much! I napped several more times, nibbled on some roast beef, emptied my drains (which made me very woozy, mostly due to the standing) and went to bed!

After Surgery

Day one! I woke up a few times in the night mainly to go to the bathroom, but slept REAL deep otherwise. It rained all night which was awesome. I woke up feeling very achy but not painful except for my throat. Those ET tubes are NOT easy on your body. Took all my meds, got out of bed eventually, and had cup ramen for breakfast. Now I'm just sitting on the couch with all my computer stuff moved from my desk to where I'm sitting. I got a long hdmi cable so I can just watch stuff on the big TV so I'm pretty set up!

My wife just brought me some cookies and overall I'm just feeling really good. Not really excited or emotional about it. Its just a very warm contented feeling.

I don't know what my chest looks like yet since my post-op binder got put on while i was still out, but everything gets removed next week! I'll probably update again after that appointment.

Feel free to ask specific questions! I'll be resting most of the time so I'll just be around!

[crownedghostprince]

"Please, rest your eyes with me.."

Loki x Stressed!Reader

Fandom: Marvel

(Y/N) had been working very long hours after being given a co-worker's workload for the week on top of her own work. Presentations, emails to important clients and sponsors, meetings, reports and all of that again, but for her sick co-worker. It's been a couple of days. No sleep, small and nutritious meals, and too many phone calls. Loki grew concerned with his lover and decided to make sure they finally rested for the night.

Requests: Closed. Requested: no.

Warning(s): Overly sweet. Pure fluff, no smut. There's a bathing together scene, but it's fluff. I repeat: fluff <3

Note: Reader is a woman :)

Word Count: 1,509

[Third Person Perspective]

(I couldn't find a source for this on Pinterest. But his expression is fantastic <3)

The sound of tapping and clicking was Loki's usual ambiance for the past couple of days now. Well, to be more specific, it was the sound of keyboard typing. His beautiful girlfriend had been working hard with no sleep and terrible take-out meals for a couple of days and Loki had been too busy to fully realize until now. The hard-work his significant other was putting in had simply been background ambiance as he darted back and forth between rooms trying to help Stark organize another party whilst Stark was actively fighting with Rogers.

So Loki being the newest Avenger was forced to run back and forth, helping the two to plan the party without a huge argument. This also meant that Loki had to keep the peace, write lists of different things both 'manchilds' wanted at the party, do some decoration planning with Natasha and keep his promise to Thor by spending an afternoon in town together. The past two days had been hectic, but Loki managed to survive - albeit very tiredly. Now he finally had a chance to settle down and enjoy a nice rest day. Except...he couldn't relax.

He had hoped his lover would take a few ten minute breaks here and there. Maybe take a break whilst eating. Perhaps not take her phone to the bathroom to continue working. Not only to have a small minute break, but for hygienic reasons as well. Loki made a mental note to carefully wipe over her phone later. Sadly, (Y/N) continued to work hard at her laptop, typing up presentations and then jumping to answer emails and then jumping back to the presentation. Yesterday, Stark said she had done a very long report on the many benefits of a small coffee shop that connects to the office.

Something as ridiculous as that seemed unbelievable to Loki. But considering how some midguardians loved their useless work and fancy little reports, he eventually believed Stark wasn't lying. To Loki it was simple: if a major corporation wanted a tiny, cheap, coffee shop? Then they would just build it with their vast amounts of money and make that quick profit. But according to Stark those mortals loved making sponsors pay for it instead. Millionaires that kept the business from using their own money on literally anything.

Millionaires that needed to be persuaded into putting a couple thousand dollars into a small project by fancy looking graphs, reports and who knows what else. Gosh, just sitting there thinking about all that had given him a headache. He checked the time and decided that 10:00pm was far too late for (Y/N) to be working. Loki stood up, stretched his aching arms a bit and headed straight to the kitchen. If his darling angel wasn't going to finish work and rest on her own, he would make her.

Loki made two very sweet, hot cups of tea, grabbed an advil and sat in front of (Y/N). "Here you go, my love. You've been working for so many hours you missed dinner tonight." He spoke softly.

"Oh, wow. The time sure went by fast." (Y/N) sighed out, stretching her arms a bit and accepting the much needed cup of tea. "Thank-you, Loki. This is delicious." She smiled and visibly relaxed from the soothing sweetness.

"I'm delighted to hear that. I was going to play some music and enjoy a nice bath. Would you please join me? I dearly miss your company." Loki did his best to sound suave and inviting in hopes (Y/N) would accept rather than work more. He just needed to get her away from the laptop for some rest for at least one night. At her current rate, she'd just faint from exhaustion and run herself into the ground and Loki wanted desperately to avoid that.

"Oh, Loki. You know I would love to join you, but I've got so much work right now...I don't know if I can afford to spend time away from these slides." She strained her eyes to look back at the blaring screen. She didn't even have a blue light filter on...or dark mode...she could be so silly sometimes. But Loki smiled fondly.

"Just for a few minutes, darling? Please? For me?" He tucked some strands of hair out of her face and met her gaze with a pout she couldn't say 'no' to.

"Oh...alright, you and your adorable face..." She sighed in defeat, "Just let me fix this up and save this and I'll join you." She returned to the screen one more time and Loki watched the clock with a mental timer of five minutes. He moved quickly and got the bath ready with warm water, a sleepy scented candle, he changed the bathroom light to a soft orange and grabbed the softest cloth he could find in the bathroom. Finally, he turned on (Y/N)'s favourite, calm songs and played them on low from a speaker in the bathroom.

Next, he went to her room and pulled out her most comfortable t-shirt and pants, grabbing her towel as well and then headed back to the bathroom after grabbing his own things. He returned after five minutes of setting up the bath and tapped her on the shoulder. "It's been five minutes, please finish that last graph and save, darling. The bath is ready and warm."

"Oh, already? Alright, I'll finish this and save." She promised. She worked on the graph for another minute and once it was finished Loki quickly intervened before she could move onto another unfinished graph. He gently placed his hand over hers, gaining back her attention, and he slowly dragged the cursor to the save icon before minimizing the screen.

"Come, darling. Let's get you into some nice clean clothes that will hopefully be more comfortable than your work attire." (Y/N) stared up at him before slowly registering what he said and finally looking down at her clothing. She had completely forgotten she was even in her work clothes still. She simply nodded and followed Loki to the bathroom for what she thought would be a quick bath and then back to work. But Loki had other plans: making sure she slept.

His plan went exactly as he had expected. The soft, orange light would help her brain wind down from the constant blue light that definitely disrupted her brain's sleeping pattern. The soft music she would play to fall asleep with, the sweet tea settling in her stomach, the warm bath water and the sweet scented candle. He made sure to scrub the soap in gently and take his time.

She leaned back against him and sighed against his chest, feeling sore from sitting hunched over, but overall she was relaxed. Her eyes grew heavy and harder to keep open until they slowly drifted shut. Loki carefully carried her out of the water and wrapped her up in her fluffy towel whilst he drained the bath water and made sure to tidy everything up. She was still awake, desperately fighting sleep so she could get back to work. But her body wouldn't cooperate. She was exhausted.

Loki finished drying her and helped her dress. He brushed her hair back into a neat plait and made sure she brushed her teeth. He washed up as well and then lead her to the bedroom for a good night's rest. At this point, she was too tired to fight back. But she still attempted. "No....Loki..." She whined. "I have to get back to work now..." She groaned.

"Please, rest your eyes with me..." Loki hushed her stubbornness. "...Just for a few minutes, love. For me?"

"Fine...like...five minutes.." She groaned and stumbled into bed, almost falling asleep immediately.

"Thank-you, love. I've missed your company." Loki laid down beside her and pulled the covers up, turning on some rainy ambiance and pulling her into a cuddle - spooning her with an arm draped across her waist.

Hearing a soft groan and sigh, he smiled and kissed the top of her head. His plan was successful and he felt very proud of his lover for being such a hard-worker. He also felt very proud of himself for remembering how to help a mortal unwind after a long day. The orange light and soft music was all Stark's advice when Loki had first started dating (Y/N). Apparently midguardians brains worked slightly differently to Asgardians, and needed help to slow down to sleep.

Once soft snores and little bits of strange sleep talk drifted from his lover, he knew she was fast asleep. He finally allowed himself to sleep for the night as well. "Goodnight, love." He whispered, half asleep. "I love you."

"...Love you...too..." She spoke back - still dead asleep. Talking in one's sleep was still an interesting phenomenon to Loki, but he'll have to ask about that at some other time. For now, he was quite content to just cuddle his lover and drift off into sweet dreams.

[idrellegames]

As an IF author that does this with a "this is my job" mindset I find it hard to do other things in my day to day because whenever I pick up my phone I feel like I am at work and I feel like I constantly think about my story.

Do you have any tips or advice on how to separate myself from my work and stop thinking about it 24/7?

Thank you!

Having a clear division between work and regular life is really important. I think it can be a little harder to do if developing an IF isn't your full-time gig. If you're working a job or are in school and you're packing IF development on top of it, then it can get really tricky to balance.

I also think that if you're working on a large, long-term project, it's a good and normal part of the writing process to think a lot about your story. Not all writing is done when you are actively writing. Daydreaming about your characters and your story lets you work out different kinks and make new discoveries.

So, you have a couple of choices here. You can reframe IF as your hobby, the thing you do in your free time for fun. Take away the pressure of thinking about it like work. You can pick away at it when the mood strikes, write on your own terms, and if you stop having fun with it, it's okay to slam on the breaks and put it aside until you're ready to come back to it.

But if you want to continue treating it as work or if it is already is your job, then you need to set some boundaries for yourself. This is going to be different for everyone; what works for me might not necessarily work for you. But here are a few things you can try:

Set a schedule. Try to contain the times when you are actively working on your project to within certain regular hours. Set different times for different parts of your job. For example, I only do social media management (tumblr inbox and notifications, Patreon, email, itch etc) during the first couple hours of my morning and then the rest of my work day is for writing and/or coding. I don't get through everything, but it's okay. It's really important for online creators not to fall into the trap of feeling like they have to answer everyone immediately, otherwise you will not get anything done.

If you manage social media for your IF, have separate accounts for your personal stuff and work stuff. I have two tumblr accounts, one that manages this sideblog and the other for personal fandom things. Logging out of my work account and into my personal one means that I'm not seeing notifications from this blog and I'm not tracking Wayfarer stuff. It really helps me keep work as work and downtime as downtime.

Separate your work and downtime spaces. Sometimes it's just as simple as working in one room and relaxing in another. This can be a bit tricky if you only have one device that you work from. I have a PC so I can't move it around, so if I'm using it to game later I try to change up my space (by getting a different chair or changing something else about my set up) so I have some kind of physical difference to trick my brain into going from "work mode" to "relax mode". Sometimes I have to get out of my office entirely in order to get that sense of separation, otherwise I feel like I am constantly at work.

If you're on your phone a lot and you don't really use it to make your IF or have alternatives for writing, get rid of the apps that put you in a work headspace. I got rid of the tumblr mobile app a couple years ago and it was probably the best decision in terms of actually keeping me out of work mode.

Take time off. Give yourself a weekend. Pursue other hobbies, play other games, write things other than your IF. IFs take a very long time to make, you can't go at it 24/7 or you will burn out.

[our-marvel-universe]

IRL

Pairing: Jake Jensen x reader

Warnings: Non - just fluff

WC: 1.7k

Summary: You and Jake work together and you're really good friends…but you've never met IRL.

A03 Link

“So…” Missy looks at you raising an eyebrow

“So what?” you ask as you scroll through your inbox

“Next week is the big day, what are you going to wear!?” 

You turn your head giving your friend your full attention.

“What are you talking about?”

“Your long distance work buddy. He starts Monday” your best friend smirks into her coffee cup as you shake your head in disbelief. 

“No, no he doesn’t start for another 2 weeks!” 

“Nope” she says, exaggerating the P, “Change of plans, they asked him to move up his start date so he would be settled in before all the upgrades next month. Which your boyfriend will be heading up.” Miss adds with a smirk. You’re in such shock you don’t even stop to correct her. 

“Lucky for you, your best friend works in HR and can keep you in the loop about these things” Missy is smug as she gives you a wink but you don’t even notice your brain is moving a mile a minute trying to process all this information. He’s going to be here MONDAY. There is only 1 weekend standing between you and…

“Ohh” Missy says, dropping her voice down to a whisper “by the way I reviewed the policies and the two of you are good to go. You can bang as much as you want, although if you bang in the office try not to get caught, the paperwork will be a nightmare for me!”

“Oh my, Missy!” You say slapping her arm “cut it out. Seriously. Last thing I need is for him to think I’m some pervert before he even gets settled in!” You scoff.

Missy, naturally ignores your scolding and continues on her matchmaking mission for you and a certain IT associate. 

“Do you think he’s cuter in person? I bet he’s cuter in person” She muses. 

“Well I wouldn’t know. I don’t even know what he looks like.” You say trying to calm your internal turmoil. 

“Oh I’m well aware I can’t believe you haven’t looked him up I mean you aren’t the slightest bit curious as to” You cut her off before she can finish that thought. 

“I can’t believe he starts next week. More importantly I can’t believe he didn’t tell me!?” I mean why wouldn’t he tell me?”

“Ohh come on, it’s understandable.” Missy says in an attempt to comfort you. I mean he is very busy with a cross country move. He probably forgot. Or figured you’d find out I mean” Missy says as she puts a hand on your shoulder. “The important thing is the guy you’ve been crushing on forever will be working a mere few feet away where you can drool over him in person. Think of how much more vivid your fantasies will be once you see him in person. You can tell a lot about a man from his walk you know.” She says wiggling her eyebrows.

You slap her hand off you and attempt to hold back your laugh, lest you encourage her. How someone with a mouth as filthy as hers ended up in HR you will never know. 

Jake. Jake Jensen will be here in person with you in just a few days. You will finally get to lay eyes on the man you’ve been crushing on for the past 6 months.

You and Jake both worked for the same company, a startup based out of Boston. You work at the office although a lot of your coworkers work remotely from all over the country, including Jake.  

You were first introduced to him 6 months ago when you were having technical problems and he helped you, virtually of course. When you called for help you were lucky enough to have him answer. From the moment you heard his voice you were completely enamored with him. The two of you immediately clicked and not too long after you found yourselves talking outside of work. 

You and him have really gotten to know each other. What started as emails and slack messages eventually turned into texting and talking on the phone late into the night. As much as you liked him, you never brought it up, afraid of not only the “we work together” conundrum but there was also the we live 2,000 miles apart issue. So you let your feelings grow, but never bothered to say anything to him. 

Then a month ago he told you the big news. He was relocating to Boston to be closer to his sister and her kids, which meant he’d be able to work right out of headquarters with you. When he first told you, your heart soared at the possibilities. Being able to see him talk to him face to face, the thought was too much. You are already so smitten with him! And it’s easy over text but…in person..you’re afraid you’ll freeze up. 

Or worse what if he’s not how you imagined? You could have built up this amazing man in your head but what if the real one falls flat? Or worse what if he’s as great as you imagine but he doesn’t like you the way you like him. There are way too many variables. Maybe it would just be better if he stayed where he was!

But that is not an option. No matter what you want he is on his way here. Hell he’s probably already here in the city unpacking his stuff right now. Your heart picks up at the idea he may be near you. 

It’s first thing Monday morning and your day is already awful. You changed outfits 6 times. Yes 6. 4 times last night and then twice more this morning. Despite the cute fit you are wearing you feel a wreck. You were tossing and turning all night, only to fall asleep only moments before your alarm went off. Then to make matters worse, you spilled your coffee, not on your outfit thank god, but still no coffee for you. You didn’t have time to stop for another cup since you were already cutting it close on time.

You are rushing into the building determined to not be late. You completely miss the handsome man in glasses at the front desk trying to check in. 

Missy finds you in the break room attempting to make a cup of tea and is kind enough to let you vent over your terrible weekend and even worse morning.

“Seriously Missy, this day could not possibly get worse and it’s not even 930am. Maybe I should just call it and head home.” you sigh. “I don’t have any meetings scheduled today.  I’ll just tell Carly I’m not feeling well and do the rest of my work from home” 

"Do it. Take care of you…" You love Missy. She may be a little vulgar and definitely NSFW but she was always so supportive of you. 

Firm in your decision. You’re headed back to your desk to write up a quick email to your boss and then head out. 

Turning the corner you slam into what you assume to be a brick wall someone added to the office over the weekend, leading you to drop your drink and fall onto the ground.  

You vaguely hear an “ohh God” through your haze as you try to not completely lose your shit. Looking down you take deep breaths through your nose as you push your tongue into the roof of your mouth in an attempt to keep the tears at bay. 

“Oh my god I am so sorry are you alright!?” 

The person you bumped into crouches down in front of you and you are completely taken aback. 

Turns out the man who made you drop your second beverage of the day was rather handsome and his beautiful blue eyes were trained right on you. 

After triple checking you were ok the man you bumped into ran to get some napkins. He insisted on helping you clean up.

You’re sure he’ll be back in a moment but before he arrives you see Dave from HR walking towards you. 

“Hey what happened here?”

“Ohh there was a bit of an accident. I bumped into someone but he’s going to get paper towels now.”

“Ohh man ok well I was just looking for, Ohh Jake there you are!”

You turn and see your mystery man walking towards you, paper towels in hand. 

“Ohh, hey Dave, sorry I was headed down to find you but..” Jake tapers off while gesturing between you, him and your spill.

“It’s totally fine man. Take your time, no rush! Maybe once you two are done cleaning up and Jake is ready maybe you can show him back to my office?” Dave says, looking directly at you. 

“Ughh yeah, sure” You reply. Your over tired and under caffeinated brain is trying to make sense of everything that’s happening. As you are slowly trying to make sense of things you turn to Jake and see him sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck before he looks over at you. 

“Guess I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Jake, Jake Jensen, IT. I mean I work in IT.” He says sticking out his hand for you to shake. 

You can’t believe it, this is Jake your Jake and he is so handsome and…shaking your head you remember your manners. Shaking his hand you introduce yourself. Jake’s face lights up as soon as you say your name. The two of you stand there holding hands for longer than necessary before you recover and remember to separate. 

You grabbed some paper towels from him and you both start to clean  up.

“You know this is not how I envisioned our first meeting…” You confess.

“I know,” Jake replies “I didn’t think it’d be so easy to sweep you off your feet.”

You laugh out loud at his super lame pick up line. Although you have to admit that line along with that blush has you crushing even harder on your newest coworker. 

A/N - what did you think of these 2? I have been toying around with this fic for a while and there could possibly be a part 2... leave a comment and let me know what you think!

[uyuforu]

An Introduction to Soft To You by Uyu

Hello wonderful people! It is a great pleasure of mine to introduce you to my own little company: Soft To You by Uyu!

Soft To You was a name chosen on my nickname "Uyu". "Soft to You" can also be seen as "Soft Uyu" when you pronounce it. Soft is a word that is very familiar to me, and it was obvious it would be part of the name of the company.

How does Soft To You work?

₊˚⊹꒷ Soft To You by Uyu offers Astrology and Tarot readings.

₊˚⊹꒷ There is a certain amount of people that will be able to book readings each month, as I need to still be able to control the demand.

₊˚⊹꒷ When you want to order a reading, you need to email me. Do not ask for a reading in DMs, only emails! I'll explain the process of an order down below in the Q&A.

₊˚⊹꒷ Soft To You is only working with me, meaning I'm the only one who works with this company, no one helps me! So if things take a little time, do not be surprised and be patient :) Also don't be scared to ask questions before asking for a reading! It is important for me that everyone is satisfied with the reading they want.

₊˚⊹꒷ You can check for the Astrology readings and the Tarot readings menus to view the prices. Prices are non negotiable.

When can I ask for a reading?

₊˚⊹꒷ When you send me an email with your reading demand, I will answer you to tell you if there are still readings available for the month. You can't book a reading more than one month in advance.

₊˚⊹꒷ If the readings are not available, this means there is too many demands! Do not ask for a reading when the month is booked, as your demand will be automatically deleted.

₊˚⊹꒷ Note that your reading is not considered fully "registered" until you paid your reading. And you can only pay when I'll answer you about your checking, as I'll send you the PayPal link by email.

₊˚⊹꒷ Do not directly pay for a reading without asking for it in an email!! I do not refund!! Be aware of that!!

Important Informations related to Soft To You and Q&A

ఌ︎. Does Soft To You collect emails addresses?

Yes. But only to contact you during your reading request and to send your reading to you when it is ready. Otherwise, I will never send you any requests nor adds. I'll never contact you for anything else except your reading. All of these informations will stay confidential, and will not be used for anything else than the readings. They will not be published online either.

ఌ︎. Does Soft To You collect personal informations?

Yes. But only for readings purposes. When you order a private reading, some personal Informations will be asked. For an astrology reading, it will be your name, your date of birth, place of birth, time of birth, and the same informations about the other person if you desire a synastry or composite reading. For a tarot reading, only your name and another person's name will be asked if you someone else is involved in the reading. All of these informations will stay confidential, and will not be used for anything else than the readings. They will not be published online either. I will never ask you for your credit card informations nor your address!! Be aware of scammers!

ఌ︎. What subject is forbidden to ask?

Forbidden subjects are related to Health, Death & asking for a reading with a celebrity. You can't ask about any of these subjects. So synastry/ composite are forbidden between you and a celebrity. Tarot readings also.

ఌ︎. Can you do a refund?

No, refunds are not possible! This is why I do a check up with you before sending you the PayPal link! If you think there is a mistake with the price in the check-up email, make sure to tell me and do not pay! We will figure it out together! Also make sure you really want the reading!

ఌ︎. Where can I contact you if I want more informations?

You can contact me on Tumblr, my Email address and Instagram! The links will be down below.

ఌ︎. What is the process when ordering a reading from you?

1. You send me by email the reading you wish to book. Be specific about what you want, you can check the menus to see what I offer as readings. If you also have a question related to the reading, then please write it in the email. 2. I'll answer your demand and confirm with you the final prices. I will ask you to confirm it, and also to confirm you understand that there are no refunds, and I'll also ask you to confirm to me you are more than 18 years old. If you confirm it in the email that you are more than 18 years old but it is not true, I will not take responsibilities of it, as you confirmed to me. 3. Once you replied with the whole confirmations, I will send you by email the PayPal link so you can pay your reading. If you think there is a problem with the price, do not pay the reading!! Let's discuss it first before you pay, there are no refunds in any cases!! 4. Once you paid, you will have to wait a certain amount of time, depending on the amount of demands and the time of work the reading represents. I'll send you your reading by email when it's ready.

ఌ︎. How do you send your readings?

For Tarot readings, I'll send pictures of the cards, and a pdf of your reading, it is written in English. I send everything by email. For Astrology, I send a screenshot of your chart, and a pdf of your reading/ analysis, it is written in English. I send everything by email.

ఌ︎. If the prices are too expensive for me, can I pay later or negotiate the prices?

I do not negotiate prices, nor accept a late payment. You pay first before I do the reading. I can understand not everyone can afford it, unfortunately this is not an easy job, and any fellow readers can confirm. It is the bare minimum to be paid for the huge job we do. Please understand that.

ఌ︎. What happens if the month is booked but I still send a demand?

I will rapidly notify you that readings for the month is closed, and that your demand isn't taken as valid for now. I'll also notify you the next date I'll open the booking for the next month.

email adress: tarotjunoboda@gmail.com

Soft To You presentation and Q&A ᡣ𐭩 rules ᡣ𐭩 private readings reviews

astrology menu ᡣ𐭩 tarot menu ᡣ𐭩 special astrology & tarot reading

© Soft To You; SIRET 983571514; CCAS d'Erdeven, 1 place de la mairie, 56410 Erdeven, FRANCE

[megadraws24]

🥳🎉 Commissions Are Open! 🥳🎉

If you like my work and would like to commission me for some art or animation concerning TDAC, another Fandom or anything else. Then I'd be glad to take you on as a client. I primarily like to draw TDAC art but id be happy to take on ALMOST any project you have in mind, weather its OC redraws, custom Fanart or Custom Animation. Please read this whole post before you decide to commission me :)

I will draw, Fanart, OCs, Profile Pics, Banners, Your favourite Shipping, Soft NSFW. Cute, Creepy, Scary, Funny, Gritty...

I will not Draw: Hard NSFW, Racist imagery, Political, Gore.

If you're unsure please DM me.

Process

I need a detailed description of your project I will require references imagery (for instance a drawing of your OC). I will probably have questions of my own to make sure we're on the same page. Once I'm satisfied with your requirements, you will be invoiced. I will start the process once I receive the full amount.

Depending on my schedule I will send you regular updates where possible. All sketches and paintings will be watermarked through out the process.

Payments Info

Payments are in US dollars and done with Paypal Invoices.

Payments are done upfront before any work starts. I'll need your email address.

Any extra fees will be invoiced upon delivery of the watermarked Final. Once that payment has been made, The final full scale image will be delivered.

Prices are NOT NEGOTIABLE, lets make that clear. Prices are subject to change.

PRICES

Simple Line art Sketch- $25 per character

Cel shaded style - $70 per character

Rendered Style - $125 per character

No Background (Any solid colour or 0% Alpha) - No Charge

Plus a Simple background - $25

Plus a Complex Background - $50

Animation

Price on request, depending on the complexity and fluidity, prices start at $80 per second, per character. The type of Animation I do is NOT CHEAP. I'm still currently accepting Animation commissions now but a full list of options are to come soon in a separate post. Consider this a Beta release for Animation commissions right now! lol

Comic Strips

Also coming Soon.

(IMPORTANT) Notes/Feedback

During the sketch stage you are allowed 5 notes (large or small) for free, any further notes will incur a $5 fee per note. If you have major adjustments that need to be made, make them here. Once I progress from here, making any more changes will be much harder and will extend the delivery time.

After the Sketch stage You are allowed to give 3 small notes (adjusting proportions/poses very slightly, small colour tweaks ) at no cost through out the entire transaction. Any further small notes will incur a $25 surcharge per note.

Any larger notes after the sketch stage (such as large compositional changes, large pose changes. major character changes...) will incur a $50 surcharge per note.

My decision is final on what counts as a Small note or a Large note.

Approx. Turnaround times -

Simple line art - 1 day

Cel Shaded work - 2 to 4 days

Rendered style - 4 to 7 days

Animation - 7+ days

(Depending on Schedule and demand, these times are subject to change.)

A Few more things...

Only contact me about work if you are serious about commissioning me. If you cant afford to commission me for work, I wont be able to do business with you. Again please dont feel afraid or stupid to ask me a question if youre unsure about anything here. I will try to answer to the best of my ability :)

Give me as much info about your idea as possible, refs and detailed descriptions, Size, Proportions, Colour scheme, Composition, Duration (if its an anim)...

At the end of the day, I own the copyright for ALL the projects I make and I do not consent for you to use them in any AI image/animation generation or deep learning applications.

I appreciate credit where credit is due. So a link back to my account is very much welcome if you decide to post my commission.

Cant wait to chat! :)

-MD

[chainofclovers]

Ted Lasso 3x9 Thoughts

This one might be tied for favorite episode of the season for me. While I’ve been mostly willing to vibe with the jam-packed episodes, I approached 3x9 with a bit of concern; if it felt like the story was getting bigger instead of smaller here in the final third of the season, I was going to start to lose my patience. (To translate: I am an impatient person but I'm also a pretty long-fused person, and me starting to lose my patience would be akin to someone with a short fuse going fucking ham on someone.) Luckily, I felt like each thread here spoke to the other threads really neatly, like watching a cohesive conversation take place in multiple rooms. Magically. 

For this one, I'm gonna attempt some bullets that cover 3x9 itself, then I need to attempt to process this weird experience of MISSING TED (while also basically appreciating what he's doing, but missing him, but appreciating him, lawjefpawoijfapweoijafwepklajwef) that has me very :eyesemoji: about the next three weeks of my life.

Nate’s desire for connection and camaraderie didn’t overshadow his ability to recognize that Rupert was trying to manipulate him into a toxic night out! There will be consequences for pulling away, and he knows it, but he did the right thing anyway. I’ve seen some discussions and arguments re: Jade’s influence on Nate and whether we should attribute Nate’s backbone and ability to make better choices to the love of a woman, and whether that’s disappointing and belittling to both characters, but I think a lot of those positions (on either side) are too hard-and-fast. Nate has always valued the things he values, and his relationship with Jade hasn’t changed his values or the fundamental truth of who he is. At the same time, being physically and emotionally close to a person you trust feels really, really good. Why shouldn’t those good feelings have a positive impact on the reserves of strength you must draw on to do things like stand up to an evil asshole you hadn’t entirely let yourself notice is an evil asshole? Nate in all his multitudes has always been Nate; Nate who is in love is able to see himself more clearly. If we were all only allowed in our real lives to experience character growth purely independently, we wouldn’t get very far.

I’ve been thinking a lot about influence and obligation when it comes to Rebecca’s storyline, too. I was a little afraid, after 3x3 and the way she initially responds to Tish’s prophecies, that Rebecca would end up a lone actor, in a sense, tracking down clues and answers at the expense of fostering her actual existing relationships. While I’m still curious and nervous and excited about what all of it means, I really appreciate that Rebecca has shown up for people this season, especially here in the latter half. Rebecca is almost certainly being driven a little crazy by the unfinished parts of what Tish told her, but she isn’t isolating herself. In calling Roy out for his avoidant behaviors and lack of accountability for the press conference (and, of course, the way his work performance mirrors his decision to leave his relationship with Keeley), she demonstrates accountability as a boss and as a friend. I don’t need to see Rebecca conducting meetings or writing emails to know she’s working, but it felt really important to me to see her get upset with Roy, both professionally and personally, and break through his exterior. Ted, Trent, Phoebe, and even Keeley have chipped away at it this season, but the epiphany required Rebecca being Rebecca. And the energy between Rebecca and Roy is very !!!

I loved the way the Nate-Rupert-Jade, Rebecca-Roy, and Roy-Isaac(-Will!) interactions all reinforce the idea that no one has the full picture of what is happening in another person’s brain, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t act on truths as they are revealed, as difficult as it may be. 

As a queer person who is thankfully many years removed from the most stressful coming-out experiences I’ve had (although of course there are still plenty of moments of having to explain or identify oneself to another person—it never really ends—I consider myself “out” in that everyone in my life who I care about knowing knows I’m queer, and, so long as general safety is established, I feel able to explain it to additional people in most contexts without much or any stress), I really loved and appreciated Colin’s storyline here. Very little about my identity or place in the world resembles Colins, but so much of this episode resonated. We’ve already seen Colin describe his relationship to his sexual identity to Trent, and within that same conversation he spoke about not wanting to be a spokesperson with the pressure of publicly representing gay men. I absolutely love that the framing of the locker room scene respected those desires; he tells his teammates and coaches he’s gay, but we the public aren’t part of the several seconds that the literal announcement occurs. We get to see the freedom and relief the truth brings him, but the lessons of this episode are for the people around him. 

The downside of writing this a couple days after the episode airs means I’ve read a lot of discourse, but I don’t think this episode did a disservice to Isaac or Colin. The writers room in s3 included writers specifically experientially equipped to tell this story, and to me, it shows. It shows in the realism of Isaac’s well-meaning questions (which Colin wouldn’t have answered so graciously if Isaac wasn’t so genuinely curious and caring!), and the tiring ways that queer people are burdened with conversational “obligations” and explanations that are just different than what straight people deal with. Ignorance and awareness exist on an incredibly long spectrum, and for me this story was affirming, not traumatizing, beautiful, and yet it also included the exhausting imperfections that cloak even the most positive coming-out experiences. 

I’ve also been thinking a lot about Ted’s speech. Basically ever since Colin said the thing about Grindr in s2, I’ve been certain Colin would come out as gay to the team and reckon with being closeted in the context of the men’s Premier League. And literally since he made that little comment, I’ve been nervous about how Ted would react. I already knew he was a politically progressive person who identified himself as an ally, so I wasn’t afraid he’d have some kind of bigoted rejection reaction. But I did worry that his reaction would be sooooo cringe and try-hard and awkward that I’d legitimately run into issues writing and posting fiction about his obvious latent bisexuality on our home away from home, Archive of Our Own. And while Ted’s seven-layer-dip Denver Broncos analogy WAS cringe and try-hard and off-base, I absolutely loved how unflinchingly imperfect it was and how, despite those imperfections, his instinct re: the point he actually wanted to make was spot on and extremely valuable. If a white, middle-aged, (past-tense-ish hahahahahahaha I’m so normal about the word “was”) straight man who’s worked in sports his whole life had figured out the perfect thing to say, I’d have rolled my eyes at the screen. It felt realistic to me that he desperately wanted to find an analogy or connection point, immediately regretted it, and still—because of who he is when the din of his thoughts gives way actual clarity—managed to articulate that it’s very, very important that Colin’s community actually cares about who Colin is and that he was able to share this information with them. It’s the difference, in many ways, between being doomed to continue to feel like you have two lives (because you’re surrounded every day by people who look past something important to you or pretend not to see the differences) vs. knowing that even if you never come out to the entire world, you aren’t splintering yourself because you’re able to be your whole self around the people who actually matter. Anyway, the speech was imperfect and unwieldy, and that was the point, and his actual message was essential for everyone in that room to hear, and that was the point, and I will be capable of continuing to write fic in which Ted is attracted to men without his reaction to Colin haunting me. (I actually already have an idea for a future fic in which he reflects more, but that’s literally a story for another time.)

At this point in the season, I feel so curious about, um. What is happening. With Ted Lasso. The guy. In both s1 and s2, I felt about a millimeter away from him at all times, even when he wasn’t onscreen. This season, he’s so intentionally obscured. Getting to go to that museum in Amsterdam with him—and, perhaps even more importantly, the Yankee Doodle Burger Barn, and perhaps even more importantly than that, the back of that bus—was a relief and a reconnection point that was much needed, but I am absolutely FASCINATED and MYSTIFIED at this point in time at just how effective and maddening it is that I’m having a lot of trouble understanding how he truly feels about himself and the people around him. Like, I would obviously love to watch him be in love with Rebecca. But I would also love to watch him be in love with a place, or with two places, or with coaching, or with his partially-lost Beard, or with the words and images that have come to him in visions, or even with the unhealthy things that pull at him, like booze and stewing and obsession. Basically every episode—at least for me—contains some glimmer of connection, to his self or to one of his friends, and it’s always fleeting, and I’m holding onto the almost certainty of the fact that the decisions he has to make are going to require some kind of visible reckoning. Most of my nerves about the final three episodes of this show as we know it are related to these questions. 

As for this episode, I don’t think I’ve quite captured the FEELINGS I felt while watching it. (I also completely failed to go into Ted sharing his biscuits with Keeley and continuing his perfect streak of making it super weird whenever he shares biscuits with a non-Rebecca person. I LOVED IT.) This was the episode that made me the most audibly squeal-y this season. And the most curious about how Ted has managed to get so far into his own brain that I actually miss him on his own show! Very curious stuff. What are the next three Tuesdays going to do to my brain and heart?

[haileybeehappy]

Between The Pages : Chapter Two : Little Butterflies

Summary : Helping Mr. Styles find a missing file turns into a wild afternoon, for him at least. Facing the world and conquering fears, trying at least.

Word count : 2.9k

Warnings : Um, None really. Older!Harry. Slow burn.

Series Masterlist

One week in, and it’s going swimmingly, really it’s just a lot of reading and running errands. You’ve read through almost all of his work he has published so far, mostly for your own enjoyment but also to get inside his head. Get to know him. He has also ghost written multiple other series and such. By the end of this six weeks you will have read more books than you had in your entire lifetime.

Sitting in the back of Elaine’s car and answering emails between picks up and drop offs is your most time consuming task though. Not much face to face time with Mr. Styles, mostly handing things off at the door and dropping things at office buildings. He has invited you in almost every time, you decline. Worried that it’s crossing a line, only crossing the thresh hold when needed. To drop things onto his counter or help him go through files, which is where you’re seated now. In the middle of a very large office. Books lines from ceiling to floor, Manila folders stacked in pillars all around you, papers laying across your folded legs. Corners digging into the exposed skin of your ankles.

“I swear I had it somewhere,” Mr. Styles grumbles from the other side of the room. Scuffling through yellowing papers. “I’m so sorry,” he drops his head back and lets out a rattled sigh. Eyebrows furrowed deeply and frown carved into his lips.

“No it’s fine, that’s what I’m here for,” you stretch smile up to him. He shakes his head and drops a file onto the floor after securing it with a binder clip.

“No you’re here because I can’t leave my fucking block,” he grumbles out. Grabbing another file from a stack and opens it.

“I’m here to help you, and yeah, I guess. But you have your means of getting things done, everyone is different,” you shrug.

“I just,” a breath shutters from his lips. “I just,” he can’t seem to get the words out. Your hands are laid helplessly in your lap. Looking up to him with wide eyes.

“It’s okay, we’ll find it,” you slowly bring yourself to a standing position. As if to not scare a skittish cat. He shakes his head again.

“I hope so,” he groans, quickly leaving the room. File in his hand clutched so tight his knuckles have gone white. You don’t move to follow but hear him lock himself in his bedroom. You let out a heavy breath and continue to search through the files for important papers from the publishing company. Looking for a folder that has all the numbers and information for his payments and security. You have been sitting in his study for hours looking for this with no luck. It seems like hours that you sit alone sitting through papers not completely sure what you’re looking for, everything looks the same. As you come to the end of a very big stack Mr. Styles comes back into the room, a wave of heavy emotion filling the space as enters.

“Hey,” his voice soft, testing the waters. “I’m going to run to,” he takes a deep breath. “I’m going to run to the diner,” He gestures our towards the door, hands shaky, rings glimmering in the warm light. “Across the street,” he nods and walks away. You stare at the door semi in shock, you hear his footsteps quickly make their way back to you. He stands with his shoulders slouched in the doorway. His tall frame still taking up most of the space. “And I was hoping you could come with me,” he says quickly, as if it was an after thought. You nod quickly and move to gather your things from his desk, swinging your messenger bag over your shoulder and grab a stack of papers. His hand falling over yours as you reach for another stack of folders.

“I got these,” his touch warm against your skin’s. You nod silently and then follow behind him. His steps faltering as he approaches the door. He has walked you down to the lobby many times and you’ve seen him in the corner store so you know he’s fine with leaving the apartment. You reach out slightly and graze the back of his arm.

“Are you okay?” You ask quietly. He nods. “If you want I could lead?” He nods again, his eyes zeroed onto the locks along the side of the door. You silently make your way around him and move to open the door, after trailing your hand down the multiple deadbolts and chain locks. As you pull the door in he breathes in shakily. You begin walking towards the elevators, his feet unmoving in your wake. You look back as you are just a few feet from him. “At least walk me to the lobby?” He stares for a moment before nodding. His slow steps making no noise as he walks to you, his fingers bending and fidgeting with the papers as he stands next to you. “It’s okay, I can do this, it’s okay, I can do this,” he repeats lowly as he trails behind you and you enter the elevator. Almost to quiet to hear, almost.

“Why do you want to go to the diner?” You ask, about halfway down your decent. After a few bests of silence he shrugs.

“I know I need to,” his gaze down at one of the yellow folders in his arms. “I know I can’t spend the rest of my life in that apartment, in that study,” your head nods. He looks as if he’s fighting a battle behind his eyes.

“Sarah never told me why you don’t leave, is there a reason?” Not sure if it’s a question you should ask your whole body tenses, toes curled painfully in your shoes. The elevator slows to a stop. Doors chiming open.

“There was a reason once, I’m not sure if I remember it right now,” he steps out first. Walking slowly towards the large entryway doors. The short stalky doorman opens the door and Harry’s steps pause, he whips around and looks down to you, pained look carved into his features.

“I don’t think I can do it,” his voice shaky, eyes glassy. “I want to but I can’t,” you pull the papers you’re holding tighter to your chest with one hand, and with the other you reaches out to touch his.

“That’s okay, this,” you wave your hand around him. “This is good, you did good,” you smile at him. Hoping to reassure him, you could practically hear his heart beating through his chest.

“I couldn’t even make it out the door,” you shake your head.

“But you wanted to, you wanted to go to the diner, you wanted to leave the block,” your voice strong. “That’s what matters yeah? Maybe tomorrow we make it out the door,” you nod. “Maybe tomorrow we go to chins for lunch?” His eyes finally find yours. Looking and scanning your face, he then finally nods.

“Okay,” he sighs out. His shoulders slumping. “Okay,” he repeats.

“I’m going to go to the diner,” you push the papers to his chest. “I’ll be up with your regular order in about thirty minutes, you keep looking for the file until then, yeah?” He nods and takes the folders from you. You smile at him and rest your hand over his for a split second before walking away. Taking a glance at him making his way back to the elevator. His shoulders tensed tight and his legs moving quickly. You escape the all to warm lobby and shoot Elaine a text. The big black car whipping around the corner quickly before you can even put your phone in the pocket. You try to make it to the door before Elaine, she pops out of the car and she beats you to it. Swinging the door open for you to shuffle into. You let out a long breath as she finds her spot in the driver seat.

“Long morning?” She asks and you nod.

“He wanted to go to the diner,” Elaine’s eyes find yours in the rear view, her eyes opened wide enough there was more white than pupil. “I know,” you tuck your hands under your legs, a nervous habit. Finger nails digging into your skin.

“Like he wanted to walk his feet over to the diner?” She asks shocked, and you nod firmly. “Oh damn,” she curses and you let out a little laugh.

“My thoughts too,” the car stops in front of the diner. “I was going to walk but I just,” you shrug. “Needed to tell someone, so I didn’t think I was going crazy I guess, go ahead and get out of here,” you smile. The muscles in your face dropping as she shakes her head.

“I’m already here so I’ll take the two second drive back with ya,” she smiles widely, her molars visible. You just nod and roll yours eyes.

“Thank you,” you sing and make your way into the diner. A bell chimes as you walk though the door and a head pops up from the order window.

“Hey baby!” The young woman yells out. A smile breaking across your features almost as big as Elaine’s.

“Hi Trix,” you laugh at the blonde haired woman. Sliding onto a bar stool you grab the menu.

“Mr. Styles regular and,” you fade off as you read through the weekly specials. “Potato and ham soup?” You look up to her where her head is propped in her hands, elbows resting on the bar in front of you.

“Sounds good,” she writes the ticket and runs it down the line to the kitchen. Swiftly turning back around. “How’s the hottie today?” Your eyes spinning at the question.

“He’s actually,” you sigh. “I have no idea,” and shrug. Her eyebrows furrow at the question. “He wanted to come here today,” her eyebrows shooting up in the opposite direction. “Yeah, I know,” you shrug and drop your head down onto the bar top. The menu under your face crinkling at the motion.

“What happened?” Trix asks.

“He chickened out I guess,” you look to her. Hands finding solace under your chin. “I told him we could try going to chins for lunch. Hopefully this didn’t like,” you groan.

“Fuck him up even more?” She asks.

“I mean yeah,” you glare at her slightly. “I was going to say mess things up but that works too,”

“I mean the man is already messed up, I don’t blame him,” she shrugs.

“What do you mean?”

“You don’t become a hermit because you love life. You become a hermit because some shit went down,” her eyebrows up, as if to say ‘ya know.’ You bob your head with a shrug.

“I guess we’ll never know,” you fall into easy conversation with your new found friend about both parties days.

“I’m pretty sure he was on drugs, he sat there talking to himself for like three hours. Finn had to chase him out with a mop . She grabs the bagged order and plops it in front of you. You slide her the card with Harry’s name on it and she checks out the order. Your fingers tapping in sequence on the counter as you wait. The phone buzzing in your pocket snapping you out your trance. You quickly answer.

“Hey Sarah!”

“Hey,” she whispers quietly.

“How’s it going?” You ask in a whisper. She chuckles on the other side.

“It’s going really well, she’s been doing so good, feeding really well and sleeps amazingly,” you can hear the smile in her voice.

“That’s so good!”

“Yes, yes,” she takes a breath. “So I heard what happened,” you feel your blood freeze in your veins. “And wow,” her voice shocked. “He hasn’t strayed from routine in, well since I’ve known him,” you don’t know what to say. “So tell me,” she laughs. “What exactly happened?” Trix hands you the bag and you nod with a thank you and make your way back to the car. On the short ride back you give Sarah the rundown on what happened. She ‘hmms’ and ‘mhms’ along as you speak. Making your way out of the car and waving to Elaine as she drives away. Continuing talking all the way up the elevator ride and through the halls. Once you’re back in front of Mr. Styles door you tell Sarah.

“Well I’m back at the apartment so I’ll call you later yeah?” She says her goodbyes and you hang up as you slide the key into the lock. Stepping into the now dark apartment you call out to your boss.

“Mr. Styles, I’m back with lunch!” Setting the bag onto the island you make your way back to his study. Knocking on the door it pushes open and reveals the mess that was made in your absence. Files and papers thrown around the room. Mr. Styles sits in his desk chair with his laptop open in front of him. “Mr. Styles?” He jumps, hand slapping onto the table.

“You scared me!” He yelps as he turns to the door.

“I’m so sorry,” you let out a light laugh. “I thought you heard me come in,” you shake your head, clearing the laugh from your throat. He shoots you a joking glare. You then shift your gaze to the destroyed room. Looking back to him with a raised brow.

“I found the file,” he says meekly. His shoulders jumping up in a shrug. You let out a relieved sigh and make your way to the desk. He hands you a small stack of paper in a blue folder.

“I’ll run these down to the publishing office then?” He nods.

“After lunch, yes,”

“I guess,” you trail off. “It’s out on the island,” you turn and make your way to the kitchen. The squeak of the leather chair telling you that Harry is following you.

“Thank you,” he announces you walk into the kitchen.

“Just doing my job,” you smile and hop up onto a stool, opening the bag and pulling out the to go containers. You hand him his box and you pull your soup container in front of you. He hands you a round spoon and begins opening up his food. He stays standing, back resting on the counter and his legs crossed in front of him. He digs into his salad as you slowly slurp at your soup. Looking up to him occasionally. His eyes darting around the room, not wanting to meet your gaze. You continue your meal in silence, eyes studying his talk frame. You come to the end of your container and toss the metal spoon into the sink. The rattling catching Harry’s attention and his eyes snap to the sink. He looks to you and your face splits into a sorry look. He chews the rest of the food in his mouth, quickly swallowing it down.

“I’m going to clean the study, I didn’t,” he looks back down into his salad. “I didn’t mean for it to happen it just kinda did. Ripped the place apart,” his voice shameful. Your hands in front if you, wringing and twisting nervously. “I just needed to find that file,” you nod slowly.

“I know, and it’s okay,” you look up to him once again, his eyes are watching you intently. “And you don’t have to clean it on your own. I’ll help you after I drop the file off,” He shakes his head as soon as the words leave your mouth.

“No, my mess my responsibility,” He stabs at his salad mindlessly. “I won’t let you,”

“My job is to assist you Mr. Styles. So please let me do my job,” he sighs.

“If you really want to I guess you could help,” he shoves a fork full of greens into his mouth, defeated. You smile smally and grab the blue file off the counter in front of you. Hopping off the stool with a small ‘oomf’ you move to the door. Messenger bag still strapped across your body you slip the folder into the back pocket and zip it in. Harry follows you to the door and bids you goodbye.

“I’ll be back in an hour, maybe a bit longer if we get stuck in traffic,”

“Thank you, you really don’t have to, I know there’s other things that need to get done,” you give your head a shake.

“Nothing too urgent. I just have to find a dress for the writers formal,” his eyebrows furrow.

“You’re going to that? Sarah said she should be back by then?” He tries to hide the panic in his voice.

“Yes, she’ll be back. But she said I could join her as a thank you. She wants to introduce me to a few people, says she thinks I’d do swimmingly working for some of the Publishing companies,” you shrug. He breathes out and nods.

“Oh good,” he gives you a tight lipped smile. “I’m glad she has someone to go with this year,” he sounds guilty.

“I’m excited to go, but I can look for a dress anytime,”

“No, please, the mess can wait. Go get the dress,” you sigh out.

“Okay, don’t go cleaning it all, you’ll lose something else,” you joke and turn to officially leave.

“Thank you, again. I’m sorry,”

“You seriously don’t have to stop apologizing. This is my job, I’m doing my job,” you say pointedly. “So stop apologizing or I’m gonna start charging you,” he cracks a small smile at the words. First real smile of the day, you note.

“I’ll try to remember that,” he says before shutting the door. You let out a groan, embarrassed by yourself.

“Start charging him. What the fuck,” you say out loud while making your way to the elevators. Little butterflies making home in your tummy.

Tag list : @kathb59

[hazbinhappy]

Hey just saw you had hazbin hotel match ups open! I’m a trans man (he/him pronouns) for sexuality I don’t really have a definite answer I’m open to all with a small preference to more feminine presenting people!

For personality and what not I’m told by friends I’m either chaotic neutral or chaotic evil lol, I’m decently slow to open up maybe saying one or two words and over all being pretty quiet but once I open up you gotta tape my mouth shut to get me to shut up (though actually I do enjoy the feeling of tape over my mouth I blame autism for that) I make a lot of sexual jokes (constant “that’s what he/she/they said and other stuff) along with that I have a pretty major sailor mouth as well I can be pretty sarcastic in addition I can be pretty slow as well I can be a bit all over the place which you might be able to see here idk lol! For stuff I enjoy doing I really love visual arts (I enjoy painting, been doing stuff with clay, digital art, trying to figure out animation) I also very much enjoy writing (I have I think it was 20+ unfinished fics on ao3 lol) been trying to figure out how to bake, and idk I have an obsession with plushies (please send help they completely cover my bed when I lay them all out) for stuff I enjoy it’s a bit harder since I constantly move around one thing to another like unless someone is with me I’ll start a show or movie watch the first five minutes then do something else unless I was already a fan of it, I will say I do enjoy the weird kid stuff like the bendy franchise and I know the lore of fnaf pretty well (until security breach when robot Gregory theory came out I gave up) tbh not much for stuff I hate I’m a pretty open person and don’t really hate a lot of stuff besides the word moist (it’s the one word that sounds like what it is and I hate the texture of that kinda stuff to and I can feel the word) it is the one thing I actively hate. For appearance while I don’t have an active drawing of my sinner look I don’t have much other then I picture being goat like (fucking love goats) and not really important but dying my hair constantly like how I do irl. Also even though yes I am a trans man I still like wearing skirts and dresses because damn it if I can’t be a pretty man then I don’t want to be a man (that is very much a lie I am still a man even if I won’t be able to wear my dresses and skirts)

Also one last important thing I don’t want to be matched up with Husk (I see him as a dad and I don’t want to deal with being paired up with my father) nor do I want to be paired up with Angel (I ship him and Husk so I don’t want to be paired up with other father) also no Lucifer I feel like if I get paired up my friend will kill me I wish I was joking she is only willing to threaten me when I do much as joke about taking them. Anyways have an amazing day/night I hope this was enough!

Your Matchup is.....

Velvette! You gotta here me out before I dish out the headcanons and mini-blurb!

Looks at that cutie god I love her!

Anyways! I matched y'all up for multiple reasons! Have you seen the girl? She may be put together but Respectless just screamed out that she is chaos when need be and chaotic people love to be together (I mean look at Hell lmao). I think she wouldn't mind someone who is slow to open because she it lets her have more time for you to model and work with her! She wouldn't mind the sexual jokes and curses or sarcasm because that is up her alley (I mean Valentino is literally one of her colleagues I don't think she cares too much for him lmao).

okay onto the headcanons because those will explain better, no?

It may sound weird but I think Velvette would go to art shows to get inspiration! Fashion shows are actually a way to express and test what you can do with fashion so art shows are a great way to get inspiration

And wowie lookie there, a certain artist just happens to peak her interest a lot! She may either personally chat with you or send an email asking to collaborate on some pieces.

I wish in the show they played more with Velvette and the fashion instead of the social media. I think she'd be a boss in the artistic fashion and practical fashion

I swear this is important: Shae Bishop makes ceramic clothing and some of his work was in my school's art gallery!

why is that important? well i think it would be pretty cool if that was something you proposed to Velvette! She'd be unsure because "isn't that clay? isn't that breakable?" and it's a whole explanation about how it's for the art not actual long-time wear

so that brings you guys closer!

she did consider making a deal with you to permanently keep you around but you just kept coming back on your own so she didn't really feel the need if you just came back all the time

i think the dating would be a mutual understanding, but you'd ask and she'd be "of course, why wouldn't we be? (eyeroll)" (she was actually nervous to ask)

if/when you moved in with her she made space in her studio for you to do any kind of artwork because she wants to spend any kind of time even if she was too busy yelling at her models and artists

she may not always have her listening ears on but whenever you say something that catches her interest she'll respond (she'll remember bits of other things you say, she doesn't tune you out, she just cherry picks her responses)

She doesn't mind the plushie collection as long as there is room for her to cuddle with you. if not they are banished to the shelf.... maybe a couple on the bed.

she loves to dress you up in whatever is the latest fashion or even your preferred. she'd match in any way at any moment.

she will tease and bully at any moment but it's her love and she never means it. plus there is plenty of compliments that cancels it out.

idk why but you know how people like to have their oc's with horns have jewelry on them and even chains that connect? she'd find that so cute and would make some in different styles (like a bracelet for the day)

"Velv-"

"Can you BELIEVE the nerve of these ladies! Prancing around like their ideas are any good! Wrist ruffles? Fifty layers? What are we? Doing a fuckin' blast to the past!" Velvette kept ranting on about her workers before you rolled her eyes.

"You're about to get a blast from the past if you don't get off my table. I was working." You gave her a deadpan look.

She gave you the middle finger before scooting you over on YOUR chair as you worked.

"Well, babe, I have no clue why they would think that is fashion? I mean, things from the past making a comeback? Neverrrr-"

"I know-! Oh Fuck You!"