#i also just ate a lot chicken wings

[live-laugh-legolas]

Oh, I really like your headcannons!!!! I would like to ask how do you think the members of the brotherhood (especially Gandalf) would react to the fact that the reader has wings and is also going on a journey (this was inspired by the valkyries, so I imagine how she would fight with these wings)

The fellowship x winged!reader

Aragorn:

-A huge weight is lifted from him knowing someone like you is on their side

-I also totally think he would be prone to motion sickness

-So if you ever have to fly him over a large gap or something he will need to sit down for a little

-“I’m never doing that again”

-He will help you preen your wings after battle to get the blood and dirt out of places you can’t reach

Legolas:

-He has absolutely heard about legends about your people

-He is so honored to get to meet you

-Watching you fight is so fascinating

-Will just take a moment to watch before almost getting beheaded in his distraction

-Calls you “birdie” in elvish

Gimli:

-You do literally anything with your wings and he is like “YEEESSSSS!”

-He’s such a cheerleader

-We also know he loves the powerful girl bosses

-So you are a top tier in his opinion

-I imagine that a winged being wouldn’t like being underground so he tries to keep you distracted with stories while in Moria

Boromir:

-My first thought was that Boromir would be like Thor when he met the Valkyrie

-He’s such a fangirl

-Ngl, after seeing you fight he’s a little timid

-I mean everyone else saw that right? You just decapitated that orc with your wing

-So badly wants to show you to his brother who would be awed

Frodo:

-He doesn’t know much about your people but he’s adamant to learn everything

-He is so thankful you will be helping him on this journey

-When he gets exhausted from lack of sleep because of the ring you carry him on your back and he can hold onto your wings

-Have him help preen your wings to get his mind off of his troubles for a little

Sam:

-Thinks you must be an angel when he first sees you

-He’s a little intimidated

-Ok, maybe a lot intimidated

-But that’s only because he thinks you must be one of the most beautiful creatures to walk middle earth

-He is concerned what you will eat if what was caught for dinner was a bird

-Would it be weird if you ate chicken? It feels unethical

-Actually probably gives a stern talking to whoever caught the bird because what if it was upsetting for you

Merry:

-Take this hobbit for a flight

-He will be so excited

-He would absentmindedly pet your wings (if you were ok with it)

-Maybe just give him a feather to play with

-He also makes so many bird jokes

Pippin:

-He doesn’t want you to think he is disrespectful

-So he doesn’t ask

-But he really wants to pet your wings

-They just look so soft and silky

-Until they are dirty from battle; but would help you pick twigs and dirt out of them

-“so…um…do you take dirt baths?*

Gandalf:

-He probably knew you before the council, and probably is the one who invited you

-You have been friends for a while

-He is vague but smug when someone asks about you

-He likes to see people’s reactions to you

-You’re like his party trick; he’s like ✨tada!✨*jazz hands to your wings*

-It gets old, but not to him

-He rides on an eagle and you fly next to them

-He refuses to let you fly him anywhere unless absolutely necessary

-But will be a backseat driver even though there is nothing to backseat drive about

———————————————————————

I love a winged reader and I have my own little oc in my head that I regularly have in this scenario. I’m a sucker for winged characters ngl. I don’t really know the Valkyrie so idk how accurate this will be to them

Also I may update this at some point cuz I don’t think I did a good job with it especially considering how much I think about this just in my own time; so sorry

[winn-schott-throughtheheart]

Ok I’m sorry if this is triggering, it mentions E@ting d!sorders so if that triggers u please don’t read any further!

But we know Winn is an extreme workaholic to the point he barely eats or sleeps. And it’s portrayed a lot in the show. But me being my little analyzing self, how would this affect Winn’s health? Because he barely eats or sleeps, so I can only imagine he’s not quite at the right weight or not healthy at all. And with the hcs of epilepsy, I know not eating or sleeping can cause long, heavy seizures which I can imagine happens to him a lot.

Anyways, just my thoughts

ooh this is one ive not actually given a whole lot of thought to, thank you anon <3

I am someone who struggles with eating quite a bit because of my autism (possibly arfid), i have proprioception issues which make it hard for me to understand internal cues from my body, such as pain, needing to use the bathroom, and hunger. a lot of the time, I physically cannot tell when I'm hungry unless I am starving, and i just decided right now I can project all of that onto winn too 🫶

we know he has a somewhat limited palette- he eats lots of junk food, has safe foods he continually goes back to (chicken wings, noodles), and it's probably because he wasn't significant enough of a character (SCREAMS) to have any scenes where we would see more of this type of stuff but we very, very rarely see him eating any type of fruit or veg lol. the only scene i can think of (correct me if im forgetting anything) is thanksgiving S1, which kara and/or eliza cooked. I can also chalk this up to literally just not having the energy to cook, because relatable. anyway, fruits and veg and other healthy stuff can often be overwhelming for a lot of autistic people because they're unpredictable. some are soft, some are crunchy, some are sour, sweet, squishy, etc etc. this is why stuff that stays the same, like sweets and crisps and takeout and stuff often become safe foods.

now it's a personal headcanon of mine that winn was cute, chubby little kid, then became more skinny and scrawny during his time in foster care (angst ❤️), and because of this he has issues with hoarding/saving food due to not knowing where his next meal was going to come from for a significant portion of his childhood. but also, as mentioned above, he has issues with knowing when he's hungry, and therefore skips a lot of meals. if he's planned a meal and something goes wrong (burnt, missing ingredients, tastes Weird™, etc), he'd rather not eat than eat something different to what he'd planned. you get the picture.

winns one of those people that will get 4 hours of sleep, chug a red bull for breakfast then complain about a headache for the rest of the afternoon, while everybody else watches on in abject horror like how the fuck are you not dead yet

could he be a lot healthier?? sure, if he stuck to an actual meal plan and ate regularly (this is difficult due to weird secret agent work hours, so he makes up for it by keeping lots of snacks in his desk and stuff) but nothing bad has happened yet so it's fine. he's getting by. somehow.

continuing on from the issues-reading-bodily-signals stuff and the epilepsy headcanons,despite his talent at spotting patterns in his work, it takes him ages to connect the dots between not eating or drinking or sleeping enough = more seizures. seriously. maybe he's off work for a little while because of a particularly bad one, and during that time he manages to eat and drink and get enough rest and he's like hey thats cool, ive not had any more for a while ᶜᵃⁿᶦᶜᵒᵐᵉᵇᵃᶜᵏᵗᵒʷᵒʳᵏⁿᵒʷ and alex and kara and jonn are just all collectively facepalming

winn is a workaholic because he craves feeling useful and the validation that comes from that. he can't stand feeling useless, and that eventually morphs into him working to ground or regulate himself. which then feeds into the cycle of not sleeping enough and working too much, then feeling anxious so working some more, and so on and so on. anyway.

winn my love, please take a chill pill. i love you please don't die

[anonsally]

Day 15 in Australia

A banner day for drive-by wildlife sightings

Today, after a couple of errands in Albany, we drove to Margaret River, about 4 hours away. Over the course of the day, we spotted a giant mob of kangaroos hopping through a field where cattle were hanging out, as well as another mob later and a few individual kangaroos in fields; straw-necked ibises (not the bin chickens but a related bird, and new for me); and lots of emus, including a few small groups. (What is the collective noun for emus? hmm. The internet says "mob" or "herd"... So do Australians just use "mob" for all animals then? because that is definitely the collective noun for kangaroos.)

We stopped for a little over an hour to do the treetop walk in the Valley of the Giants, a forest of tingle trees and she-oaks. It was a really lovely break from being in the car, and also, up to then we'd mostly been in coastal heathlands or open agricultural land, so it was great to be among actual trees. I was glad to have the rare opportunity to be in the canopy rather than below it, and I enjoyed the views of the upper parts of these tall trees. What I hadn't expected was that the treetop walk platforms and bridge spans were wobbly, which made it hard to focus on things in binoculars.

I didn't see many birds up there, but eventually I did spot an adult western rosella feeding a juvenile, which was really exciting! That was a new bird for me, and it was very colorful! Once we reached ground level, we also took a walk on the forest floor trail/boardwalk. I was very excited to spot a few red-winged fairywrens! Another new species for me. Very charismatic little creatures!

The trees themselves were beautiful and majestic, with interesting bark and a number of striking similarities with some of the California redwoods, though they aren't related. We were all refreshed and happy to have taken that break, but unfortunately, we had not brought food with us (there was no real food at the treetop walk), so it was another day of weird snacking in the car instead of eating anything substantial.

After another 2 hours of driving, we stopped around 4:30pm in a small town, where I finally got some lunch. Then it was still about an hour to Margaret River. When we arrived, we picked up a few groceries and found our accommodations.

We walked to an Italian restaurant for dinner, and I ate my favorite pasta dish. Then we stopped in a gelateria for dessert (I had pistachio gelato with whipped cream; Wife and her sister got semifreddi to bring home).

I started a laundry, and we played half a game of the 2000s version of Trivial Pursuit! I had never played it before; it is very different from the original version, but in a good way.

[ratfuzz]

✫stan, eric and kenny with kitchen witch reader headcanons✫

a/n: kyle one!! finally got to other boys. there's a liiittle bit of suggestive theme and drug joke in kenny one. characters are aged up, reader is gender neutral

stan marsh

doesn't really care about you being a kitchen witch, be who you want to be, believe in what you want to believe

making him special coffee/tea every morning

he started to hate waking up early a bit less (or maybe it's just you being by his side)

he's a kisser, he's a hugger, so expect at least one kiss on a cheek while you cook (will not hug you when you do this without consent tho)

s o u p

make him soup

or make soup with him together, that's nice too

with something silly like veggies in shape of something or just chicken and star soup

you two sometimes fight about who's making breakfast today, but you know, this is not serious of course (either way you win even if he's the one cooking it for the most part)

helps you carve or burn sigils in spoons and things

i'd say he needs the same thing as kyle, something with anti-anxiety spell, but also something that generally will help him with sleep

eric cartman

you probably picked him up by making something with a love spell (it would be funnier if it was blood love spell with espresso, but it would work better with a cake)

lmao, you didn't even have to put a spell on it, he's probably hooked just by your cooking

if you tell him about the fact that you're a witch he'd act like this all is total bullshit, but then ask if you can make something poisonous (of course you can, but it doesn't have to do anything with you been a kitchen witch) or with a curse ((don't fucking do it, though he loves you, it doesn't mean he will not turn you in to cops if something goes wrong i didn't tell you this))

prefers your pastry, but basically loves everything you make

likes looking at you while you cook (will not help you)

even more curious about sigils than kyle

but in the way that he doesn't really trust you (don't blame him, there's a lot of reasons for him to not trust people)

making sigils with eric, so he knows for sure meaning of them

tbh he's really impatient when it comes to you cooking, he doesn't understand why you prefer to take your time with cooking even if you can make it faster and doesn't listen when you explain

at least it looks like it

can bring up something you said later and it kind of surprises you

tries to be less bitchy with you later on

definitely asks you to make something for him with specific sigil for it

kenny mccormick

if you will not make him kfc wings recreation, i will haunt you in your dreams

doesn't really have a preference in your cooking

kenny is most likely the only one of main 4 to remember everything you say about witchery (he's just generally a good listener i think)

would make some type of sigil for shits and giggles (maybe literally)

love spells with emphasis on better sex life aren't needed, lol, but he would totally ask you for this as part of roleplay

ate all your donuts with sugar powder and tried to get away with it by saying that powder on his clothes is cocaine

if you cook together, he will always be distracted by your beauty, sometimes it's better to just let him sit in the kitchen with you

really likes how aprons look on you

so yeah another reason to wear them

any kind spell will do, boy needs more nice things in his life

making forever weed brownies together <3

a/n: honestly, i thought i will never write anything for kenny. wow. cool. we'll see, maybe i will make one with girls or butters/marjorine idkidk

[stardeer-valley]

(Take two; I hit backspace while not in the description, the page went back, and when I clicked forward, EVERYTHING was gone. So here's typing it all over again.)

Summer 15, Year 1

When Robin finished refurbishing the old coop (under the watchful protection of the Adventurer Guild… just in case), the deer decided to spend the rest of the night sniffing out everything new about the once-decrepit building. Once full of broken bottles and cans, now primed for livestock.

With Jas vouching for the deer, and Robin saying it had stopped by her shop, Marnie was left curious when the deer came by early in the afternoon. It walked up to the counter and spat out a leaf folded around four chicken feathers. The feathers were clearly several years old at the least; they were filthy and from a type of chicken she hadn't seen in the valley before. Not from one of her chickens. The deer looked up at her, back at the feathers, then back up at her. It snorted and tapped a hoof multiple times against the floor.

Those blue antlers weren't natural. Deer also didn't have fangs. Or wings? How had she not noticed those before? Maybe because she was too busy chasing it away with her broom. Deer frolicked in the woods and ate grass, not walk around a town and use a BAG.

Tap-tap-tap-tap.

Marnie was very glad Jas was at the beach and Shane was at work. She was about to feel incredibly stupid. Just pretend it's another customer. Not some… Weird Ass Deer.

"You want… a chicken?" Marnie asked, feeling very ridiculous. "It's 800g, they come as chicks, and you need a coop to house them." She smiled awkwardly. "Though Robin tells me you recently got a coop, so that should be fine."

Tap-tap-tap-tap.

The deer lifted a wing, and Marnie got a good look at the barring along the underside, like some kind of raptor. It shoved it's head into the bag, and spat out a mouthful of coins. The deer stilled, eyes moving along the coins, then it went back for a second mouthful.

This thing could count? It understood currency???

Not being the grossest thing Marnie had touched even that day, she picked up the coins and counted them. This thing didn't [i]seem[/i] rabid. She froze as she saw several of the marked coins Lewis had told her to watch out for. She had expected Gus to get these, or Pierre. Did Robin get some of the marked coins too? How did a deer even get 3,200g in the first place!?

"This is exactly enough for four chickens-" Marnie suddenly realised why it had been tapping. Tapping four times. "I will be right back with those chicks for you!" She said with a strained smile.

Once the deer left with four chicks on it's back, Marnie made a mental note to talk to Shane when he came home from the Saloon after work. That thing was a carnivore, and she just gave it four sacrifices to determine if it really was trustworthy.

———

Things different from canon; (AU???) Gramps never had an heir, or they never show/ed up. Special new farm map; Frontier Farm! Stardew Valley Expanded; new maps, new NPCs, new events, a LOT of new stuff. The new “Farmer” is just a Weird Ass Deer. NPCs will respond/react accordingly.

This is my first time playing Stardew Valley Expanded, so I’m learning as I go. (Please no spoilers if you play SVE)

[mochamoth]

Rant on why I love and fixate over Scratch (sorry for bad writing + Long warning!!)

If you couldn't tell by my profile I am literally OBSESSED with Scratch. I first actually started watching AoStH about a year ago, because of a clip of the show I saw on tiktok. I thought it was funny therefore I checked the show out. And omg I became so fixated on Scratch specifically. Also don't expect a lot of these reasons to be deep, I am NOT a deep person 😭.

So first off his personality. I adore how he's both an asshole, but also a total wimp. Also he is so SO dumb but in a charming way. I love when he acts like an actual chicken, it's funny and cute (plus his LAUGH OMG, MOST ICONIC LAUGH NEXT TO PAPYRUS'S). Scratch is just a total loser who tries to act cool and I love him for it. Oh also the way his mannerisms are. Omg. The way he SITS. He'll casually just do the splits. On the floor. And the way he walks. And how he STANDS. HE STANDS LIKE A CHICKEN WITH HIS WING HANDS. IT'S SO CLEVER AND CUTE OMGG.

Next is his design. It's just- nice. It's a nice character design, especially when paired up with Grounder (I'll talk about him in a bit, dw I'm also a Grounder fan). I loveee his outfit (?) he has going on, it's simple but nice. I like his extendo-neck, it adds a LOT to him, same with his wing-like hands and arms. Also I'm bias but chickens and crows are my two favorite birds, so that alone is just a yes for me. His eyes are cute. Simple and cute. His COLORS OMG. I am autistic and some colors overstimulate me, so Scratch and aosth as a whole just- the colors are so pretty and nice. I love Scratch's blue-ish color. It's a very nice blue. Oh and he is SO fun to draw. Thank goodness too, cuz the last character I was obsessed with was Guzma, I love his design too but it's a nightmare to draw. The only thing I'd change about Scratch's design (not counting headcanons or styles) is his feet. More specifically his lack of claws. Where are they?? His name is Scratch, so why doesn't he canonly have claws? It's not a big deal, I headcanon he has retractable claws, but still.

Third, I kinda relate to him? Not too much like I did, again bringing up the last character I was obsessed with, Guzma, but still relatable. I'm also very dumb and gullible, and I'm the oldest of my siblings not counting step. I know Scratch and Grounder are technically twins, but for the sake of this I'm gonna say Scratch is ever so slightly older. I relate to random quirks he has like copying and playing out fictional media I like, talking very loudly, and being extremely clumsy.

Probably the most dumb reason on this but I adore it; his outfits. Omg. His outfits. My favorites are def the knight one, the astronaut suit, and I'm not sure what it's called but the outfit he wears in the Egypt episode when he tries to trick Sonic's ancestor. LIKE HE SERVED?? HELLO?? And those are just my favorites. He has such good style in my opinion, he ate almost every single outfit up (almost).

Ok so finally getting to this: his duo dynamic. Omg. Scratch and Grounder are like- my favorite villain duo ever. They're perfect. They balance eachother so nicely and are literally siblings. I love the type of bond they have. They fight almost constantly over everything, and are constantly blaming eachother for no reason, yet they still care for eachother. It's just not obvious. It's more obvious in Grounder, but Grounder isn't really mean. Evil and a shitty influence definitely. But he's not really that mean? Grounder kinda looks up to Scratch a lot, no pun intended, but Scratch also cares back. He just won't vocally say it. Like he has saved Grounder's life MULTIPLE times. And gets very defensive of him when he feels like it. They're not perfect, obviously. Scratch especially can be a total jerk to Grounder for no reason. But at the end of the day they do care for eachother. Hell even when they're not up to catching Sonic or helping Robotnik they're hanging out together, very rarely do you see them on their own. Once in a while yes they do their own thing, but they do hang out a lot. Also how their designs balance eachother is so nice. Scratch is this tall, skinny, chicken robot while Grounder is short, chubby, and a mole robot. Also little side note, the chicken robots Scratch is based off of (Cluckers or something) drive me insane 😭. Like I died probably 26 times from them. Anyways the colors too. Grounder's greenish teal compliments Scratch's red details. Idk as an artist I just like that fact. Don't ask me any deep questions about art btw, ik I work as an artist but I'm not that smart 😰. I like how even though Grounder is the short one Scratch will coward and cling onto him 😭 it's funny. And I love how chaotic they are. Just two dumbass guys doing dumbass things!! Coconuts when added is also amazing. I wish we got to see them work together more. But Grounder and Scratch on their own are again, perfect.

Oh. Also. I like how they're ACTUALLY separate characters. With a lot of duos I see one of two things happen a lot. Either they have very watered down personalities, or are literally the same person. I like how Scratch ans Grounder work together, but on their own are great characters still.

The final reason is probably the most.. I guess vague out of the others. I just feel like he could have a lot of depth. Ok I know he's dumb. He's made as a comedic henchman. He's not supposed to be taken seriously and it's a silly kid's show. But how him and Grounder are treated is lowkey dark? Like they LITERALLY said they're abused. And that's normal to them. They thought "hm yes let's force our robot kid to do chores! That's love!" Like no.. No that's not love 😭. I feel like that could also be a contributing reason to why Scratch is so hostile and cold, even to people he cares for like Grounder. It's because he doesn't know how to show it. But that's more headcanon territory so I dunno. And I feel like them fighting for a BIT of Robotnik's love tears them apart and it's kinda sad to watch. Like they could be very close but can't.

This was more of a sloppy rant than anything. And I don't really watch aosth that often. Not often enough to remember every single detail. So if anything is wrong I am terribly sorry 😭. But those are just a few huge reasons why I love Scratch so much. That's not getting into tiny specific details that don't really matter at all. Anyways I'm sorry for this long ass rant, I swear I won't do this often 😰 probably just one more time for another "show" if I feel like it, I just felt like ranting today! Thank you for reading this!

(Also photo of him. Cuz why not.)

[treasure-goblin]

SELF-CARE CHECK!! >:D

Have you eaten or drank anything today?

How are you feeling rn? How has your day been?

And final question, can I put a boop in your ask box?

AH!! SELF CARE CHECK!!

Gigi made sure I ate something, and she made me and Lux chicken wings, so I ate. I also had water at work.

Um, I'm not sure. I think I'm good! Today was a hard day, lots of disassociating and hyper-vigilence, but I think I'm doing ok now.

Yes, I'm always open to boops! Just remember the boop rules!! >:3

[theemporium]

so if i basically dump on u the crap day i had but i need to get it off my chest and i can’t talk anyone about it i’m sorry about my rant. so usually every friday my parents will get my brother & i fast food and it usually switches on who chooses. it was my turn to pick so i picked wings cause i’m on my period and i wanted some. so we get some and my parents get someone too. today (saturday) comes and i noticed my parents didn’t eat theirs but instead got something else so i asked if i could have it (it wasn’t even a lot) they said yes. i asked again later in the day just to make sure it was still fine & my mom said yeah it’s fine and my brother got upset saying it wasn’t fair i got it. so then my mom offers if we could split but like i put earlier it wasn’t a lot (literally only enough for one person) & so she offers some of the food her and my dad got yesterday cause he likes them but they had lettuce which he hates and he said no. so then me & him got into an argument about it and i said i gave u all the fries that came with it and i gave the rest of my cookie that i didn’t finish (i’m always giving him MY food when i know i wont be able to finish it & i know he likes it). he was still upset so i basically said fine u can have it i don’t want it anymore but never ask me for anything ever again cause i’m done. my mom got upset that me & him argued and basically said no one gets it now. so i was fine & decided ok i’ll make myself something else since plan a was ruined well… plan b (hotdogs) was also ruined because we had no buns for them so i basically ate only 1 meal today and i’m hungry but there is quite literally nothing to eat in this house. to make matters worse my dad grilled chicken but i’ve never been a fan of grilled chicken and MY BROTHER FUCKING ATE THE GRILLED CHICKEN SINCE HE LIKES IT. now i’m just eating candy since i can’t have anything else & i’m broke so i can’t get anything delivered & i don’t have a license so i can’t drive to get anything. it’s insane how easy it was for my mom to switch up JUST because my brother complained (and she swears she doesn’t have favorites). the only thing that made my day was ur nicojack fic so thank you for the fic & for letting me rant even if it was long and annoying i just really needed to get this shit day off my chest.

ooft I’m sorry, babe :( that absolutely sucks, especially when it’s a period craving because it just makes the whole thing ever more frustrating!! honestly, I vote you eat the leftovers (despite what your mum said) if they are still there. fuck the whole situation, it’s not like they can do much about it once you’ve ate it!! but please do try to eat something, one meal isn’t enough!!🫶🏽

[puffitale]

Weird question: but does anyone feel inadequate due to how ‘unseen’ they feel?

Like, I'm in my mid-30s. I feel like I’m old and fat. I can count on my fingers all the times I’ve ‘caught’ a guy looking me over in *that* way.

I dress for myself - for comfort. I don’t wear make up. I try to look presentable, but I know that I fall short in a lot of ways.

I try to make my self worth be about me, and how I feel about me, and what I love about my personality/values etc, but I feel like a complete bush pig that’s not worthy of love and knowing that I can see men that I find attractive, but also feeling completely invisible except to be a waste of space.

And…it, like…hurts. A lot. It hurts a lot to want to be beautiful and sexy and to be constantly barraged with the message that if you’re not hot and fuckable to men you’re nothing, and knowing that you fall on the latter scale more than the former. It hurts to see girls that look like me or better matched up. It hurts to see girls who seem have easily slotted into universal beauty standards call themselves fat and ugly and not good enough because they’re wearing track pants to target or they ate a big meal. It hurts to see someone announce a pregnancy or an engagement and just feel so…nothing. Like you’ll never be good enough for love or anything…really.

And the thing is…I know I’ve been programmed to feel this way. So I buy thousands of dollars of bullshit like expensive clothes that I feel uncomfortable in or bullshit beauty treatments. That I should get someone to suck all my fat out and mould them into an amazing set of tits and ass, that I should dye my hair and wear high heels and false eyelashes and have a tiny waist and dick sucking lips etc. And that I’ll feel lonely enough to settle for some piece of shit who sits on my couch all day and plays GOW or something and demands chicken wings on a 4 hourly basis only to flop into bed for incredibly unsatisfying sex on my end whilst he snores and I scrub the kitchen with a toothbrush to work through my self disgust at the fact that I was completely fine alone but I’ve chosen Barney Rubble and his garlic mayo farts over working on my self enough to die alone.

I feel like a dipshit. An incredibly alone and depressed dipshit.

I want the fairytale, the nice wedding and babies. I want to feel seen and wanted and love. But I also know it’s a trap and that either if I pursue that I’ll be worse off or it will never make me happy. I want to be able to work on myself enough to be happy as I am, but it’s just not there. Or there’s too much shit to deal with first (childhood trauma, cPTSD that bullshit).

I feel like a puzzle piece that’s been burned that expected to find its match but also be enlightened enough to just be as is but I have a giant whole that’s been burned out of me and I don’t know how to mend it and everything I’ve been taught from a young child has been that I need someone else to fix or fill it and nothing will be able to do that because I’ve been fucking burnt and have a giant burn mark in my centre, so I’m unfixable - only transformable but I don’t know how to do that, only fix, not transform, only fix…

[now-we-say-c0ral]

August 24, 2023

The day has finally come. Tonight is the start of my 3 12-hour straight night shifts. I'm really dreading this day and my anxiety is through the roof. Woke up around 8am and I went to the gym around 10am. I have to get things done early if I plan to sleep in the afternoon. I always, ALWAYS have trouble sleeping in the afternoon before a night shift and I will always have trouble sleeping through the day from a night shift. It's always been a problem for me.

I did chest, arms, abs, and some cardio in the gym today. On my way home I also bought some chicken wings and a doner burger to help me get through the day. After bathing, I tried to sleep around 1:45pm. It was a breezy and a cloudy day so it helped me get to sleep faster but I woke up around 4pm and I tried to sleep afterwards but my body is just refusing to.

I ate dinner around 6pm after being on my phone sorting my finances here because I received my salary early. I paid all my dues like my rent and my credit card (well, 90% of what I owe) and I sent money back home. It's so inadequate whenever I receive my salary these past few months because I haven't been doing bank shifts. Despite that I still have to rack up my savings because who am I without emergency money to lean on like when an emergency vacation is waving at me to come, am I right? Kidding aside, I still have to save. I can't not save.

Got to Tesco before going to work because I have to get some caffeine in my system to help me get through this night. I got to work and no lists were running. We were briefed that there was a possible heart transplant happening but it didn't because of some logistical issues with the donor not being able to pass in time for the heart to get to our hospital which was kind of sad. The night shift was pretty uneventful and Kuya Victor, Craig, and me spent it mostly resting, preparing for cases, and preparing for the morning list. We went to the rooftop and it was a lovely London skyline partnered with their morning coffee.

Went home early and headed straight to the gym and did bi/triceps, shoulders, and some cardio. I can feel the cortisol literally pooling onto my face and my mood is slowly declining. I got home around 9:20am, took a shower, and slept. Thank goodness I bought a sleeping mask. It helps a lot. I can't believe I have to do this 2 more times.

[showfallsquigandiris]

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…

Squig: Oooh! This seems like the kind of show Jasprix would be working on…

Iris: Oh yeah, you said the dude was like, big on horror.

S: I looked into it and he was quite literally raised on a horror show.

I: Hah! Sounds familiar!

[Scoff]

S: It wasn’t a horror show, it just was a horrible time. Big difference.

S: Anyways, he should be around here somewhere… he’s short but he also literally has horns and wings so, shouldn’t be that hard to spot…

Jasprix: Wings are gone now actually. Did a little experiment with Security a couple days ago. Worked great for me.

S: Oh there you are! And I see that now, I imagine your wardrobe options have vastly improved.

I: [Quietly] Oh you weren’t kidding about the short part.

J: The horns still cause an issue with wearing things, but they are much easier then the wings. I like the heart bun thing you have going on, looks good with the outfit. And the rude spider android person.

[Sharp gasp]

S: Hah yes, my options with the straps on this mask are either up-do or nothing, so I decided to have a bit of fun with it. I think it adds to the charm.

I: Wha- S-Squig, aren’t you going to defend me!

S: You really need to learn how to have inside thoughts sometimes Iris. Jasprix don’t mind her, also Jasprix, this is Iris, she’s the Head Security back at my facility.

[Tail thumping against a wall as Jasprix laughs]

J: I’m used to certain comments occasionally, though I’ve never had them said right in front of my face. I’ve also never seen a security that wasn’t just… those things over there. Pleasure to meet you Iris, you have a lovely name.

I: [Muttering] I tried to be quiet about it…

J: I have slightly better hearing then most humans.

S: Also Iris your default volume is already really loud, I don’t think i’ve ever heard you speak even close to a whisper before.

I: Alright, message received. Ahem. Nice to meet you too Jasprix, and yes, the Security around here are all quite similar, so I supposed that makes sense.

J: I like them though, they're great as threats, looking like horrifying monsters. Are you a spider android because you’re head security, or is that a normal sort of look for where you work?

I: Hah nah, I used to look boring as hell, but when you work with those 12-foot fucks every day you end up losing a lot. Decided to lean into it after a while, it’s a lot more fun don’t you think?

[Series of mechanical whirrs]

J: Yeah, that’s some cool shit you got going on there. Could jumpscare somebody if you wanted, or be the most unassuming enemy in a movie. No one would suspect it until it’s too late. Have you ever considered trying that out?

I: Hah! Yeah all the time, love doing it to pretty much every new hire we get, though obviously sometimes they can’t really react.

[Chuckling]

S: Alright, enough chit-chat, Jasprix, how’s it going with the bird hunting?

J: It’s going… I hunted him. It’s, this is going to sound mental alright, but you remember that I mentioned the gay chicken thing right?

S: Oh of course I do! Has he given up yet?

J: He hasn’t, he’s very stubborn about it, I guess. Or maybe he actually enjoyed that I did what I said and took him on a date. I’m… not actually sure what he thinks about this game anymore, but he hasn’t backed down, so neither can I

I: Ah, well if you need any tips, Boss Lady here knows a lot about not backing down from gay chicken.

S: I suppose that’s true. So, a date, that’s how you’re using your newfound freedom?

J: I mean, I’m using it for other things as well, like checking out Lostfield and seeing where stuff is in case it seems like something I could bring back here, but the date was one thing I did with it, yes.

S: Of course, of course, I was just teasing. No worries.

I: Where’d the two of you go? Me and Boss Lady ate at that “Denny’s” place last night.

J: I was considering bringing him there when I checked it out, but I can’t eat most things there. Breakfast foods don’t seem to involve a lot of meat. I found this place called Longhorn Steakhouse instead, and it smelled absolutely delightful. The food that it came from also tasted perfect.

S: Maybe we’ll have to stop by there the next time we’re in Lostfield.

I: Wait did you have access to a company card? Or did the two of you do a good ole dine and dash?

J: There are company cards?

S: Yeah, I mean unlike pretty much every other business ever, we don’t really have anyone at the top hoarding money, it just all goes back into production. We have like, mildly excessive amounts of extra. I’ll see what I can do for you.

J: That’d be very kind, especially with what you’ve already done to get me a proper place to swim and let me take visits to town. It would be nice to have money though, because we did have to run very quickly after leaving the restaurant. A difficult thing to do, when handcuffed together and the other person is a bit faster than you.

[Silence, 26 seconds]

[Loud laughter mixed with static]

S: Iris, volume. I suppose [Giggling] that was your solution to making sure your little bird couldn’t fly away?

J: [Grumbled huff] That was loud, but yes. I knew he’d run off if I took him outside, so I needed to keep him near and close with something. My other option was a dog collar and leash, but I felt like that would bring unwanted attention.

[Wheezing mixed with static]

S: In a town like Lostfield at least that certainly would. But you’d be surprised by what people ignore in big cities.

J: I think I’d have an incredibly uncooperative bird on a leash, honestly, and he’d make them pay attention. He’s very… distinct. Hard to miss, easy to notice, all that uh… The cuffs worked the best, is basically it.

S: Oh, I’m sure you’d be able to tame him eventually. But I suppose on a slightly more serious note, I am pleased to hear that you’re keeping him busy enough he’s not trying to stage any more explosions or something else that would cause lots of problems.

J: Yeah, I don't think he’s got any more plans for that. Or if something does go wrong next, it’ll probably not be because of him this time. I think there might be an issue involving the archives, but I don’t know enough about that to get too involved beyond being aware that it's company blog is having a problem.

S: Ah yes, I saw that. But when it comes to Archivists there are a lot more protocols in place to get them back in line, so I wouldn’t be too worried.

J: It is only one of the multiple having the problem I guess, after all. Anyway, do you want a tour around the set, maybe know what this show is about? Maybe itll help make this scene work and get the actor to stop fucking up her murders.

S: I think we have some more spare time before we have to head on back, what do you think Iris?

I: I’ve already checked out everything else I wanted to see in the Mall, why not.

J: Just be careful about the blood everywhere, I’m sure it must be an absolute nightmare having to clean between all that plating.

I: Ugh, you do not know the half of it.

…

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[kingmystrie]

For any AATW character, what would their number one comfort food be when they're feeling down?

Idk if they'd still exist in AATW, but Diablo's comfort snack would be toasted buttered bread with apricot perserves slathered on.

Arnie's favorite comfort food would be jammy soy sauce braised eggs or ramen eggs, while growing up their primary protein was from eggs because their mother didn't like having to talk to the butcher for food, way easier (to her) to go to the town chicken coop and pick up eggs than to talk to someone else. they also ate a lot of eggs around the world while traveling on the rails because they're pretty cheap compared to meat and they have to barter less goods. (this is a character trait I established many years ago...)

Candace's favorite comfort food would probably be spicy hot wings and ranch, she likely makes her own ranch sauce. Despite being a talented baker, she isn't fond of sweets.

Core's is chicken noodle soup! (asked oz for this so I don't have more info on this)

Jazmine's favorite comfort food would be mac and cheese with pork cutlet, I bet her dad makes it for everyone in her family on special occasions. Now that she's older she makes it for her family to show her appreciation for them all, making mac and cheese with her dad as a father daughter activity. Her siblings would never say no to good food.

Also as an aside peach preserves would totally still exist! they'd just be homemade :3c

[nancypullen]

Spring has Sprung

There's color everywhere! Trees have unfurled new leaves, tulips and daffodils made a spectacle of themselves, and now the next wave of color is arriving. My clematis has offered up a beautiful first bloom and the vines are full of buds.

The irises are putting on a glorious show too.

I've been pulling things out of my little greenhouse and giving them pep talks before putting them in the ground. That's right, I'm breaking the don't-plant-before-Mother's-Day rule. I looked at our long term forecast and I think I'm safe. I have two tomato plants in the ground, but kept two in the greenhouse just in case. I've still got cukes and a few other things in there staying toasty. I put the Mammoth sunflowers under the kitchen window which might have been a mistake. If they do well they might block the window. Oops. I transplanted the Speedwell too, and I have high hopes - it looks great! Zinnia seed has been sprinkled, the Zepherine Drouhin climbing rose (thornless!) has a new trellis, and yesterday I hauled home eight big bags of soil...

and created a new bed back by the fence and tree line. That will be the new home for these precious babies!

A few weeks ago I sprinkled seeds in a tray full of soil, stuck it in the greenhouse and, boy howdy, I've got a bumper crop! Crossing my fingers that they do well now that they're out of the greenhouse and in the dirt. I scattered Cosmos seed in that bed as well, we'll see what happens. If I end up with a strip filled with Bachelor Buttons and Cosmos I'll be a happy camper.

I've got a lot of blue and purple going on because bees love them and I am trying to make this place a pollinator paradise. Adding lots of pinks and whites will break it up a bit, and of course the zinnias are always just a riot of color. I won't be on the cover of Southern Living, but it'll be cheerful. Bored yet? I could talk all day long about dirt and flowers. Not everyone's cup of tea, of course. Let's move on.

With soup season at an end all of the comfort food from the colder months is unappealing now. Well, it is to me, and I'm the cook around here. I'm craving brighter, zingier flavors. Last week I made these Honey Sriracha Salmon Bowls, loosely based on a recipe I saw and made with what I had on hand. Rave reviews from the mister. It was quick to make, which is a bonus. I marinated the salmon for about an hour and did a quick white wine vinegar and sugar pickling of those cucumber strips. They were just what the dish needed. The combo was delicious.

I also made this yummy Lemon Basil Chicken Thighs w/CousCous dish - again, I was kind of winging it from a Bab's recipe, using what I had. Mickey loved it!

It was loaded with flavor and finishing it with a squeeze of lemon created magic. It's all cooked in a single dish so it's pretty quick and easy. Mickey ate the leftovers tonight before attending his photo club meeting. Winner! Other than gardening and cooking I have filled my soul with the joy of cleaning....said NO ONE EVER. I do the chores that have to be done, then I fill my days with nonsense. Recently I've been playing with the Google AI image generator - you know, you describe what you want and it creates the picture. If I type, create a picture of a cupcake with pink frosting and white sprinkles with a candle in the middle, it gives me this.

You could get much more specific and say that you want the cupcake sitting on a desk in a library...

you could even add a mouse.

You get the idea - you're only limited by your imagination. You can tweak it as much as you like. I could add eyeglasses to the mouse, or request that the library have cobwebs and a ghost. So what do you suppose I experimented with while getting to know the tool? CATS, of course!!

That's Peggy. She's up before dawn every day to get those biscuits made. She's a hardworking single mother of 36 (last count).

This one was inspired by our orange girl, Molly. She knows exactly when dinnertime is and starts complaining a full 30 minutes before, as if she's dying. Molly is a stout girl and will eat her dinner and yours too if you're not looking, but she puts on a pitiful act just before mealtime.

For someone like me, this tool will provide endless amusement. No doubt it's meant for more meaningful work, but there are no credentials requested or IQ test required before using it, so it's fair game for knuckleheads. I mean, who's gonna' stop me? Not this guy.

I should probably wrap this up before it gets weird. We're chugging along, embracing spring and all of the yard chores that help make our patch pretty. The mister built me a wonderful raised bed, so I'm hoping to get a bountiful harvest from that. He's going to put up a barrier this week, just a little flexible fencing - I've spotted a groundhog next door and I don't trust him. Crossing my fingers that Mickey gets there first. Our only other task is picking a fall vacation spot. Mickey was lobbying for a return trip to Ireland. I'd love to go back, it was enchanting. However, with things the way they are, the dollar weakening by the day, markets crashing, doom and gloom... I made the push to stay stateside this year. I think he's in agreement, but we need to narrow it down. We may end up just doing a repeat Maine trip. We've done it so many times, we know our favorite spots, I could squeeze in a day in Salem, and it's really glorious in autumn. For the price of one round trip to Dublin we could get two round trips to Portland and a week of rental car - the cheapskate in me loves that. If we book now we can lock in an inexpensive Air BnB. I also floated the idea of a trip to Oaxaca, Mexico. Flights were affordable, lodging was very inexpensive, and it's a beautiful, safe spot that has always intrigued me. There's a huge ex-pat community there and I'd love to pick their brains. Besides, the end of October provides some fabulous Dios de la Muertos festivals. I'd love to see that! All things considered the odds are good that we'll be tooling around in Maine. That's it, I'm outta' here. Sending out love and hope tonight, I think we all need it. Planting a garden is an act of hope. Planning a trip is an act of hope. The bad actors in this country want to snuff our hope, they want us swimming in despair and unable to function. They've made a terrible error by underestimating us, don't you think? ""The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards justice." - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. We're going to help bend it. Keep up the heat, don't be quiet, get out there and make some good trouble. March if you like, write letters and postcards, just don't give up. I almost made it through a whole blog post without getting political. Not even a little bit sorry. Love and hope, babies. LOVE and HOPE. Stay safe, stay well. XOXO, Nancy

[koselz]

The Trash Thing

One weird thing I like to do is see how much food and random crap I can put in my trash can without attracting ants. Like, okay, look...

I have this little trash can right beside my desk, I normally just use it to put in paper because I draw a whole lot! But, of course, whenever I eat, I also put food in it. I change this damn trash can once in a blue moon because I normally just put paper in it and no bug cares about paper! But whenever I put food in it, I have to change it like, next day, because ants already started to circle it.

So, one thing I like to do is, toss a bunch of paper in it, then the food, and then more paper, so that the food is absolutely SEALED in a world of paper and no bug can enter it! It's like this little weird game I play with myself for no reason?

Like, lemme comment on the previous trash bag I had and the one I have at the moment.

Previous trash can ~~

Okay, in the previous trash bag, I had a bunch of paper balls at the bottom (here's a small rule I have, I can't purposefully waste paper! The paper has to be naturally discarded for me to toss it away!) I also had a second, smaller trash bag, inside the normal one on the trash can, because I threw it away when I was organizing stuff in my room.

Okay, so I then ate a bunch of watermelon slices and threw it in the bag, obviously, that would attract bugs! So what I did was, I got the smaller trash bag and put the watermelon slices INSIDE IT.

In the end, the watermelon slices were inside a bag inside another bag and being covered in paper. NO BUG EVEN CAME NEAR THAT SHIT! I WIN!

Trash can I have now ~~

So, as you might know if you read the previous posts in this blog, I'm outta job! So, to open space in my closet, I threw away a small bag of papers I had from punching the clock, like, y'know, them little papers with your name and time you got to work and stuff. I had a bunch of those in case of an emergency, so it basically filled a bunch of the trash in one go.

Then I ate chips and tossed the chip bag in the trash, all dandy.

Then I ate some chicken wings and DAMN YOU KNOW THAT SHIT'D ATTRACT BUGS!!!! But, nuh-uh! I'm smart! I tossed the chicken wings INSIDE the bag of chips, and then put some paper inside the chip bag! So like, it's literally all contained inside two bags again!

I'm putting a whole bunch of stuff in this one trash can, but nothing that important or crazy till now. If it starts to attract bugs, I'll tell ya.

Anyways, this is just a post about my lil game I play with myself. I would never be able to discuss this ANYWHERE else, it's crazy, huh? I like it, lol.

[capriciouscaprine]

Go to grocery list? New to restricting but live with people 😵‍💫 feel like they might catch on

tbh I've been sitting on this message for six months?? at least (sorry anon!) because the answer changes so much; I've done low carb bread, no bread, regular bread, shirataki noodles, cooking my own meals, cooking nothing and buying frozen meals, cooking nothing and buying from the hot bar at Whole Foods, lots of low-cal snacks, no snacks, an apple a day, three apples a day, meal replacement shakes, protein bars, etc etc etc

also, fwiw, a big part of this is gonna be about how you HAVE TO eat, otherwise you're gonna end up with that other thing that eventually leads to seeing Dr. Now on TLC, TRUST ME

(this is so long, I had two coffees this morning, forgive me!)

ultimately, I crave safe novelty; I'll go on a kick for MONTHS, only to suddenly get bored of it and want something different

the only useful advice that anyone can truly give (imo) is to keep track of how much you're consuming; I did actual tracking in an app for several months until I got completely fed up with entering everything I ate, at which point I took what doing that counting had taught me about the numbers associated with different foods and switched to loosely pre-planning my meals

if I'm on a protein-bars-instead-of-food kick (I'm one of those weirdos who likes the texture of the fake chocolate and dough-with-crystals most people complain about), I only buy ones that are close to or preferably below 200c per bar; if I want fruit, I know to go for berries and watermelon and carefully check the nutrition facts per cup of anything I haven't had in a while (did you know kiwis have more cals than apples per gram? that's certainly not the sort of thing I would remember!); if I'm getting pre-made stuff, I check what size the maker thinks is one serving, because no one is eating 4 oz of chicken wings and yet that is the amount that Whole Foods says is a dainty 260c

for me, figuring out what worked required a ton of time spent in different grocery stores ready nutrition labels; in theory, this information is available online, but I found it far more effort to click on stuff, scroll to where the nutrition info was on each individual, and compare different items, and sometimes the website information was different from what was printed on the item in the pictures on that same page!

you've said part of your goal is to not be obvious to the people you live with; apologies once again for being an anomaly, here, because I got so stressed out by our shared kitchen being covered in dirty dishes that I put a mini fridge, combo microwave/air fryer/convection oven (it was the same price as a regular microwave at the time!), and coffee pot in my bedroom and nobody has any idea what I eat, but I'll offer what suggestions I can

don't be at home during meal times; this is easiest for lunch but potentially tricky for either breakfast or dinner, depending on your schedule; they can't question what they don't see, and you have a ready-made excuse for why you aren't hungry

ime SO MANY people don't like having a big breakfast; have some fruit and a coffee or a low fat yougurt (chobani's are 80c per pre-packaged cup) and no one will care; if you take this with you to work or school it can be very easy to 'get busy' and 'forget to eat'

be strategic with your lunches; no one questions a sandwich, even if they call you boring; sara lee lite life bread is 45c per slice (some low carb options go as low as 35c!), and walmart's individually packaged chicken salad cups are 200c, so that's a hearty-looking 300c lunch right there; you could also do deli meat, veggies, and mustard for the same count or less, or make your own chicken salad for less cals, but I wanted fast and easy; you can also do giant salads, just get low cal dressings and avoid cheese and croutons; pre-made salad bags are not bad here, since you can throw out the separately-packaged cheese and crouton packets; I don't do salads often because I have dental issues and lettuce stabs my gums

dinners are TOUGH, especially if your housemates insist on shared meals; if they do, you will just have to practice taking smaller portions (use your government's own nutrition recommendations here; for the US it's gonna be myplate(dot)gov that goes over what a serving of grain/protein/veg/fruit looks like; for example, the recommended serving size for cooked brown rice is only a half a cup!);

if you get to make your own dinner and end up eating at home, go for that gym bro meal: lots of veggies, some chicken (you do not have to boil this or go without seasonings, spices are not a significant source of cals s2g), and a touch of grains; if they aren't being nosey, go for the shirataki noodles and make 'ramen': the noodles are pre-cooked, you can use cubed bullion for the soup, and then toss in some chopped veggies and a fried egg (0c cooking spray is actually super common in most stores) and you look like a normal busy person

DO NOT LET THEM SUCK YOU INTO THEIR BAD HABITS!!! I had a roommate who never wanted to get food alone, and I was influenced by how much they ordered, and after living with them for three years I hit 200+ lbs (hence why I'm here; I already had depression and anxiety before I jumped into this community, I just fit into Brandy jeans and can buy shirts from the youth section now)

DO go out to eat with them now and then! look at the menu in advance, pick something that fits your plan, enjoy it, and take home the leftovers; don't over-explain being full with 'I ate earlier', 'I'm just not hungry', 'I don't feel so good today', etc, because everyone knows those lies and what they mean; have a reasonable amount of fun and enjoy the conversations and atmosphere

don't buy things with 'skinny' or something similar in the name; I don't buy 'skinny pop' popcorn, I buy 'lesser evil' popcorn that not only comes in pink bags but boasts more about being made with coconut oil than being 50c per single serving bag; this is also were doing your research grocery trips alone is important, so that your housemates don't see you checking the sugar content on five different ketchups when they know you aren't diabetic

it's pretty normal to 'develop' a food sensitivity as you get older; my mom can't handle carrots any more, garlic makes my aunt nauseous, and my mom's friend can only eat raw onions, not cooked ones; I've developed a sensitivity to tomatoes: too many of them makes the skin on the roof of my mouth peel off! so, you may as well be proactive and develop a sensitivity to something high in cals; however, be careful! you don't want to be inconvenient or get caught out; saying that you just can't handle lots of fried or greasy food or a ton of dairy like is typically in pasta, cheese boards, or ice cream is typically a safe bet

this is a general tip for being successful: remember to eat regularly! have I had my bonkers low days? absolutely. are they a regular occurrence? nope! rather than doing all of these themed meal plans I see floating around, I chose my daily average intake based on a metabolic rate calculator set to my next goal size, typically -5 lbs per month (semi-aggressive but not that far off from the recommended -3 per month) and first counted and then pre-planned my eating around that; remember, this is a lifestyle, because if you don't treat it that way, you WILL rebound, hence that '95% of people fail to lose' statistic; over time, a meal that other people would scoff at for being 'too small for a child' will become completely filling, so long as you don't fall into a cycle of overindulging and stretching your stomach back out

hopefully this is helpful to anyone reading this! this is the result of constantly reflecting on this message as my eating changed and I've successfully changed my size despite never truly following all of those aesthetic meal plan posts that I personally also love and rb but involve, ugh, actually spending time in the kitchen (please, no, I have lessons to plan and video games to play; if they ever make a meal delivery service for us I'll eat them then, otherwise you can catch me eating cold shredded beef out of a Whole Foods container pretty much every night of the week)

[ginhawatranslations]

The Story of Unit 24-C - Chapter 5

Read the previous chapters here.

LIFE'S A BEACH BY NAMELESS KIDS & JEREMY G

The days passed by quickly. It's Christmas break at our school, and for the entire two-week break, I stayed at Uncle Vince and Uncle Drew’s condo unit to celebrate Christmas and New Year. My mom insisted I come home this break, but I told her I’d go home next month instead.

The first semester at Ardano University ends next month. It would be expensive if I went home this Christmas break and back again the month after. It’s costly. Our family can afford it, but I don’t want to waste money.

I was playing with Hershey on my lap while we were hanging out in the living room. Uncle Drew and Uncle Vince came in with lots of paper bags.

“Grocery shopping close to Christmas is so stressful. Stocks run out, and the lines at the counters are always so long,” Uncle Vince complained.

Growing up, I was never a fan of Christmas or New Year. During this break, our family business in Palawan gets super busy because of the tourist rush. The only part I really enjoy is the fireworks display by the beach in El Nido. The rest of the period, I suffer from headaches and body pain due to being busy.

“La Salle won the UAAP this season,” Uncle Drew said while putting away the groceries in the fridge. “Did Ardano make it to the Quarterfinals?” He asked me.

“As usual, we lost,” I replied. Even though I’m not a fan of sports, I still heard the news because of how talkative Valeen is - she even went to MOA to watch the games. She was there when the Golden Bears got eliminated.

“Oh, Kelvin, we have a few friends coming over tonight to celebrate Christmas. You can invite your friend too since we’re cooking a lot anyway,” Uncle Vince told me.

“I don’t mind. I’ll just help you cook instead. I can make chicken wings inspired by my older brother’s restaurant,” I offered. What’s the point of being a culinary student if I won’t help in the kitchen during the holiday season?

“Don’t you have school friends you can invite?” Uncle Vince asked me.

“They’re on vacation too,” I said. Valeen is in Taiwan with her family, and Jaypee is in Baguio, apparently.

“How about your roommate? You can invite him too, I’m sure you’re friends,” he suggested.

I went quiet. Ever since the vomiting incident and the time he told me about Eya and her teammate’s relationship, we haven’t really interacted. I’m annoyed that he was right, and also because he threw up on me. Besides…I don’t even want to be friends with him.

We’re civil. Wait, are we even civil? We literally don’t talk to each other.

“Kelvin.” Uncle Vince called me back to reality.

“Ah, he’s out of the country too. You know how it is with students from Ardano University - rich kids who can fly to different countries.” But the truth is, I have no idea where Noah is. And I don’t really care.

“That’s too bad. Next time, just invite them here - we’d like to meet your friends too,” Uncle Vince said.

That night, their work friends arrived. Even though I was younger, I didn’t feel out of place because their friends were fun and even included me in their beer pong and Uno games. Overall, it was a nice experience spending Christmas and New Year here in Manila.

Uncle Vince’s unit is on a high floor, so I had a clear view of fireworks everywhere when midnight arrived.

**********

I waited for Mom to pick me up at Lio Airport. Finally, I finished a full semester at Ardano University. Who would've thought my five months in Manila would go by so fast? Let’s not even talk about the endless projects and finals I had in January that almost made me cry from how hard they were.

The rumors are true - college isn’t fun, especially when you’re drowning in assignments and projects. I’m begging for mercy here.

“Caloy!” I heard Ate Keanna shout when I came out of the airport. My real name is Kelvin, but at home or here in El Nido, they just call me Caloy.

When I saw my sister, I ran and gave her a tight hug. “You look prettier, Ate,” I said.

“Of course.” She flipped her hair, and I chuckled a bit.

Mom and Dad followed behind her. I hugged them tightly too. It’s crazy - five months of only video calls, and now I finally get to see them face to face. “I missed you, Ma.”

“Our Caloy has grown up so much.” Mom kissed me on the cheek.

“Why do you look thinner, son? Are you eating properly in Manila?” she asked.

“You’re exaggerating, Ma. He's even buff now,” Keanna lightly nudged my shoulder. “You've been hitting the gym, huh?”

“Well, since the condo fee includes the gym, I took full advantage of it,” I replied as we walked toward the parking area. Before putting my stuff in the back, I handed them the boxed gifts from Uncle Vince. “These are his Christmas and New Year gifts for you.”

Well, they’re all Crocs.

I didn’t know those things were expensive! I was shocked when we paid at the counter - over ₱3,000 for each pair. Meanwhile, at the market here in El Nido, you can get fake ones for ₱200.

It felt like I was coming home from overseas - Mom and Dad even prepared a feast at home. They treated me like I achieved something huge, but I just finished one semester at Ardano University.

Our house is located separately from our hotel business here in El Nido. Dad had it built about ten minutes from the beach area because the beachfront has become too crowded and noisy. He wanted a more peaceful environment.

“Mom, why did you go all out like this?” I asked, shaking my head, though I was grinning from ear to ear. I’m really happy because my family’s welcome was so warm. I hadn’t felt a mother’s care for five months.

They don’t even know that sometimes, I just ate gummy bears for lunch when I was alone because I was too lazy to cook.

“Well, of course! We haven’t seen you for months, and your break is only two weeks - you’ll be going back to Manila soon,” she said. We actually have three weeks of academic break before the second semester starts. But I didn’t use the full three weeks because I still need to sort out my enrollment and help Miss Cheska.

I really enjoyed my vacation here in El Nido. After seeing nothing but buildings in Manila, I appreciated the natural rock formations again.

**********

During my second week here, I was surprised when Jaypee, Eya, and Valeen showed up. Valeen messaged me out of the blue asking to be picked up at the airport.

“What the fuck?! What are you guys doing here?!” I laughed when I saw them. They were even recording my reaction because I had no idea they booked a flight here.

“Maybe we came to pray!” Valeen sarcastically replied and hugged me tight. “Wow, you’ve only been here a week, but you’re already more tan - and I mean that in a good way. Your buff body totally suits it. Very daddy vibes.”

“Idiot,” I said, shaking my head, and fist-bumped Jaypee, then hugged Eya too.

Eya and I are just friends now, and I’m happy for her and her boyfriend. It seems like she’s being treated well - their relationship is going strong. Lucky her.

They stayed at our hotel, and Dad gave them a discount. We didn’t let them stay for free - what do they think this is, charity? They might abuse our business.

“This place is amazing!” Jaypee said from the balcony. “You can really see the sea.”

“The bars are close too. Just walking distance if you want to go out at night,” I told them while helping them put away their stuff in the closet.

“What do you mean ‘you’? You’re coming with us!” Valeen said.

I just shook my head.

That night, we went out to Pukka Bar and had a blast. I laughed so hard at Valeen - she got every foreign guy who came near her to give their Instagram. She said her backup plan is to become a foreigner's wife in case she fails in school. Damn slut.

Even though we were hungover, we still went island-hopping the next day. It was a bit embarrassing because everyone was waiting for us on the boat. Valeen took forever in the bathroom because she wanted to vomit to ease her headache.

We picked Tour B this time. Our first stop was Snake Island - one of my favorite spots in El Nido because of its panoramic ocean views.

I let Valeen and Jaypee swim while I sat under a coconut tree.

“You’re not going to swim?” Eya asked. She was wearing a two-piece swimsuit and had a cover-up over her bottoms. The look suited her. She sat beside me.

“My head still hurts from the JD. That drink hits hard,” I said, shaking my head.

Eya laughed. “Did you know Valeen and Jaypee were cheating last night? They were just throwing their shots on the floor.”

My eyes widened, and I shook my head. “Idiots.” She laughed again.

We both looked at Valeen, who was motioning for us to join them.

“Wait a sec!” I shouted, but stayed a few more minutes.

“Kelvin, are you mad at me?” Eya asked, and I turned to her.

I frowned. “Huh? Why would you say that?”

“Because we’re not as close as we used to be. Yeah, we’re in the same friend group, but I can feel there’s a wall between us,” she said. “Valeen told me you used to like me.”

That caught me off guard, but I just sighed.

“Valeen really can’t keep her mouth shut, huh. We’re friends but of course, I keep some boundaries because I did have feelings for you before. It’s out of respect for Ronn.”

Eya went quiet for a moment.

“Sorry if it felt like I was avoiding you before. That was just the only way I knew how to stop my feelings from growing. I didn’t want to make bad decisions I’d regret because I couldn’t control what I felt,” I explained to her in a way she’d understand without taking offense.

“But you don’t have to avoid me. I want to keep you as a friend, Kelvin. Ronn’s aware of that. You’re smart and a good conversationalist, so you’re not boring to be around. Let’s break the awkward wall between us. Even Ronn wants to hang out with you,” she said.

“Alright, no more awkward wall. But you two motherfuckers, Just don’t make me the reason you end up fighting,” I joked, making her laugh. “Right now, I can say I don’t have a crush on you anymore.”

“Friends?” she asked.

“Friends,” I confirmed, and we smiled at each other. We ran to the sea to splash around with Valeen and the others.

Maybe in the future, I’ll just laugh about the time I had a crush on Eya since we’re close friends now. Of course, I keep boundaries, but I won’t act like I’m avoiding her anymore.

I joined them throughout their two-day island tour. My skin got seriously sunburned from the intense sun, but no regrets - we all enjoyed the vacation.

Before they left, Jaypee asked if I wanted to apply for a scholarship from a private organization. He said they give ₱40,000 a month while also covering half the tuition. The only requirement is no incomplete or failing grades until graduation.

Of course, I said yes - half the tuition at Ardano University is a huge help for my family.

They went back to Manila before me, and I stayed a few more days before my flight.

**********

When I got back to NAIA, Uncle Vince picked me up again. This time, my mom sent gifts for them - famous local foods from El Nido. We had lunch before they dropped me off at Sun Residence.

As I entered Tower 3, I ran into Noah in the lobby. We looked at each other but didn’t even nod. Wow, I used to think those Facebook posts were only jokes - people saying they never got close to their roommates even after years. Turns out, it’s real.

I got into the elevator and pressed the number 24.

I opened the door to Unit 24-C and shook my head at how messy it was. There were beer cans in the living room and dirty dishes piled up in the sink.

“Wow, cleanliness isn’t a thing with this idiot,” I muttered, holding back my annoyance.

Okay, Kelvin, chill. The minimum contract here is just one year. If Noah doesn’t change, I’m really moving out.

My second semester at Ardano University was about to begin. That point, my relationship with Noah finally started to shift.

Translator's Notes

Baguio is a city in the northern part of the Philippines, located thousands of meters above sea level.

Ate (ah-te) is the Tagalog word for older sister.

Cheap knock-offs are very common in the Philippines and can be found in almost every shopping district. The United States has repeatedly called out the country for tolerating such knock-offs.

Valeen's joke is not an unusual occurrence. Some women often flirt with foreigners, seeing them as a ticket out of poverty.

Kelvin was referring to Jack Daniels.

Php 40,000 is around US$700. It seems cheap, but private university tuition often costs more than that.