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shegatsby · 2 months ago

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Hello there!

Saw that your requests are open, so I thought I'd leave this here. What about a Hannibal x reader who is a lot like Amy Dunne (Gone girl)? Sorta like friends to enemies to lovers vibes.

Like, she is trying to escape the life she once had under a new identity. She wants a second chance ig. However, upon meeting Hannibal, the nosy bastard just can not stop himself from looking into her and only becomes even more intrigued when he notices her lack of well... authenticity?

She feels threatened by Hannibal just as much as she is attracted to him. Does she flee once more? Do they have a confrontation? Does he try coax or manipulate her back into old habits? Do they form some sort of alliance? Ugh if only I had the creativity and the ability to make choices when it comes to these things! (Totally up to you if you want to add fluff, or smut, or angst, btw)

Anyway, thank you :)

A/N: Hi! Thnak you so much for this request, it was interesting to write. Take care. xxx

Warnings: Smut! Unprotected sex! Minors get the f out or else!

Her mind was a dark place when it comes to men, if she avoided them her entire life none of this would have happened. She wouldn’t have to run to a different state and change her entire identity.. she cursed under her breath when she sat on her new couch in her new home. Now she was in Wolf Trap Virginia, it was moderately cold in winters and it was winter, she moved here in the spring. In the spring it was beautiful, she had always loved flowers and plants, sometimes she wished to be a plant and connect to the soil, it would be a lot easier than this. She bought this house with the money she had from her husband, ex husband who supposedly went ‘’missing’’ one day and left her, she had an excuse to start a new life and that she did. She didn’t want any former friends or family members to contact her thus the change came with its glory. New hair, new style of clothing, new house, new environment.

The house she bought was old and that’s why cheaper than others so she still had some money left, the only problem was that she had to renovate it on her own, sometimes she had cable issues or pipes were making noises etc. However, this time her luck was on her side because she met someone. One night a dog came up to her door, it was a cold night and she let the dog in, it had a name tag but no address so she thought the owner would look for it soon and she was right. The owner of the dog was her neighbor Will Graham, their houses weren’t that close but she had seen him at the supermarket or driving. He offered to help her with fixing the pipes etc. and she offered nice chats and warm meals. Over time they started to share information about each other, of course everything she said was false but Will was honest, he was a university teacher in the department of criminology also he was working for the FBI. She had wondered if Will ever saw her husband’s missing case. Their friendship developed and she started to go to his house, it was Christmas when she met him,

Doctor Hannibal Lecter.

Will invited her for Christmas dinner and said his other friends and colleagues would be there, mostly FBI, at first she hesitated but wouldn’t be fun for them to be in a room with a killer, little did she know that she wasn’t the only killer in the house.

She wore a nice sweater and black pants, she was simple yet pure looking. She didn’t drive to his house but walked, it wasn’t close but it wasn’t far either. Light snow was falling from the sky, she liked snow and Christmas time, Will’s house was decorated nicely, it looked colorful and warm.

She held her breath and knocked on the door, soon Will answered, holding a mug, he looked cute in his brown sweater and his messy hair, ‘’Glad you could make it.’’ He let her in.

One by one Will introduced her to the others, it wasn’t crowded, before Will could speak the man standing before her extended his hand, ‘’Doctor Hannibal Lecter.’’ She shook his hand, ‘’Y/N, nice to meet you.’’ She said shortly, feeling uncomfortable under his questioning gaze, Will’s boss Jack joked, ‘’Don’t worry Ms, Doctor Lecter loves to carry his psychiatric work to his social gatherings.’’

‘’A Psychiatrist? I must be careful in this room.’’ She thought to herself.

Rest of the night went smoothly, at the dinner table she had a nice chat with others especially Alana Bloom, she made her feel comfortable, however she kept feeling Dr. Lecter’s maroon gaze and every time she looked at him was watching her, he wasn’t shy of eye contact either. Y/N not saying her last name didn’t go unnoticed by him and he captured her under his observation. She looked extra careful, speaking slowly and choosing her words meticulously. Will and others were smart but they didn’t share his twisted mind and intellect.

After dinner people started to have conversations privately and she got a glass of eggnog and standing by the fire place, Will’s dogs sleeping at corners of the house, ‘’I haven’t got your full name Ms?’’ she heard his deep voice, he had a subtle accent underneath, maybe he was running just like her?

‘’Oh?’’ she asked turning to him, ‘’I apologies, its Y/N Y/L/N.’’ she smiled gently but her eyes were dead, he could see, ‘’It rhymes, your parents must have a good sense of humor.’’ He commented, she could understand that he was intrigued by her, he made a mental note to dig into her social media accounts and thanks to his work with the FBI he had access to search for people’s ID.

‘’May I ask,’’ he began wondering, ‘’what is the true nature of your relationship with Will?’’ because Will never mentioned her till tonight. Her eyes were on the flames, ‘’One night, his dog wandered to my door and he came back to take him, we have been friends since then.’’ She turned to him, there was a warmth to her eyes with the memory, Hannibal was sure now that she wasn’t a sociopath. She could feel things, it could come in handy one day.

‘’Such a sweet story. Will is very fond of his strays.’’ He threw a bait to see if she was going to get angry, because his comment had undertones. ‘’Aren’t we all?’’ she replied quickly. She was smart.

After that night she wished she never saw him again but fate had its own story. The very next day she received a note on her porch, it was printed, ‘’Save me a dance, Fondly.’’ As soon as she read it she dropped the note and called Will. Recently there was a killer on the loose, he was targeting young women who live alone. At first the women find the note and then they are kidnapped within few days, later they end up dead. It could be a stupid prank but she had to be sure, Will brought his team to investigate, the people you dined with yesterday evening now were in your living room questioning you. How odd.

‘’Can you tell us everything Ms Y/L/N?’’ Jack Crawford asked with his professional voice. She told them everything which wasn’t much, Will was sitting next to her, holding her hand in a friendly manner but it irritated Hannibal for some reason he couldn’t place and it made him more irritated. ‘’She has to leave, immediately.’’ His sudden comment made everyone look at him, ‘’Our killer is moving quickly these days. She should be in a protection program.’’ He was saying this on purpose, because he had a plan. ‘’You know what happened last time.’’ Jack replied calmly and yet she could sense that the last woman was most likely dead now. ‘’Before you can arrange accommodations she could stay with me, no one would suspect a thing.’’ Hannibal’s suggestion made her froze, she turned to Will to say something and Hannibal understood her intention and added quickly, ‘’Will lives too close to Ms Y/L/N, the killer is also a stalker. He knows your friendship with Will.’’ He was making sense which she hated. ‘’Ms Y/L/N, please pack yourself a bag.’’ Jack’s final decision was made and she had no choice. She had to survive.

The journey to Hannibal Lecter’s home was a long one, at first Hannibal explained the case to her and they talked about it for a while and then she fell asleep, in this state Hannibal could examine her face closely, she looked like an angel, so soft and innocent but he knew deep down she had deep secrets and he couldn’t wait to reveal them. He enjoyed this game and he wasn’t going to let go of her anytime soon.

His house made her feel like she shouldn’t touch anything, just sit straight and observe. He had expensive taste when it came to architecture and interior design, paintings on the dark blue walls, every room had a marble fire place, the carpets felt soft under your feet.

‘’This is your room.’’ He walked her in the guest room, it had a queen sized bed with beige sheets, side tables, a big wardrobe which she didn’t even need because she brought a tiny bag, thankfully the room had bathroom and toilet side, in the bathroom there were various hair masks, face masks, shampoos and scrubs etc. ‘’I called a friend to bring these skincare products, I didn’t know which you usually use so my friend got various types. I hope they will be useful.’’

His gesture made her think about him again, it was nice but was he too enthusiastic?

‘’Thank you Doctor.’’ She replied shortly, ‘’Please, call me Hannibal.’’ He gave her a small smile, ‘’I’ll let you freshen up and dinner will be ready shortly.’’

‘’Its okay you don’t have to-‘’ he cut her short, ‘’Please, you are a guest under my roof, and I love to cook for my guests.’’ And he left without letting her speak, she took a long shower to relax and wore a long t-shirt and leggings, his house warm and she was getting more comfortable. She walked downstairs and Hanniabl’s high senses picked up on her fresh skin, she smelled of vanilla and he liked it very much. ‘’Dinner is ready.’’

He also freshened up, he was in more casual clothes but he still looked sophisticated, ‘’Smells delicious.’’ She commented and watched Hannibal pull up a chair for her, ‘’Tastes delicious too.’’ She could hear him close to her ear as she sat, he smelled manly and dominant. He sat to his place, and they started to eat, dinner was a warm soup ad fish with fresh bread, salad on the side and red wine. The fire place was lit in the dining room they were eating, ‘’Hmm,’’ she hummed when she tasted the fish it was so soft and tasty, ‘’You like it?’’ Hannibal shifted in his seat when he heard her, is dark mind went to imaginary intimate scenes with her… imaginary and yet for a second he craved them to be real. He had to give her credit she was a beautiful woman with a feminine aura, but he could sense that she was hiding things from her past and he had to know.

‘’Yes, Hannibal. Thank you.’’ She smiled kindly to him, ‘’How long do I have to stay here?’’ she asked curiously, ‘’As you know Jack is the head of the FBI, he has to make sure he finds a safe and secluded place for you and then I will help you move there. But these processes take time, a lot of paper work so you will be here for a while. I hope you will like it.’’ He explained, testing the waters.

‘’I like your home, especially the interior design, I love paintings, I often visit museums actually.’’ And the conversation of fine art and literature started. She was a well read woman which he admired and liked very much, they exchanged ideas about famous novels and later he played some music for her, he could play harpsichord and he played Vivaldi’s Winter. She sat near to him by the fire with a glass of red wine in her palm, it was delicious, she liked the atmosphere he provided.

The days have passed and made them grow close to each other, with time she started to cook dinner for him when he came from work, she started to clean the house, organize and help him host when he needed. She wondered why Jack still couldn’t find a safe house for her when in fact he kept sending houses to Hannibal via e-mail and Hannibal found excuses and declined on behalf of her, she had no idea about this. It had been a months since she moved in with him, in the mean time the killer didn’t kill no woman, he was silent and she prayed for him to be like that for a while.

One day Hannibal forgot to bring his laptop with him to his work, he left in a hurry because it was related to another case, he kissed her cheek, said goodbye and left, it became their custom. They were growing close but neither of them took a huge step, after he left she tidied around and was looking for a recipe and noticed that his laptop was open and he forgot so she went on Youtube, soon there was an email notification and she hesitated for a moment and then clicked on it. It was from Jack Crawford, sending him yet another safe house and she could feel her heart drop to her feet, she read all of the emails between them and Hannibal declining all of the houses Jack sent. Suddenly she felt trapped by a man.. again. That was the reason she had to killer ex husband and flee. He was an abusive man with drugs and often abused her and cheated on her, one day she had enough, she didn’t remember how she did it but when it was done her husband was on the floor with 50 stab wounds, she kept him in the freezer for a week, didn’t know what to do with him, she cleaned the entire home, burnt every piece of clothing that had blood and she melted the knife she had used, after contemplating for a week she burnt his finger tips and took off his teeth, just in case if his body parts were found she didn’t want any identification to be found. Some of his parts were rotting under soil and some were deep in a lake or river, she survived and she was going to survive again.

She closed the email tab, and started to cook, she had a plan but so did Hannibal.

Hannibal had already learnt her past, one night after drinking few glasses of strong wine she told him where she was born and said she was divorced and that’s all he needed to know. Thanks to his connection to the FBI it wasn’t so hard to find her old ID. Yes, she was married once despite her young age, the husband was missing and she left their state and travelled all the way to start a new life. He knew that she was the one who made him go ‘’missing’’ and he found himself getting excited. Usually people get caught in their first kill because it is always a sloppy job but she managed to live and make every detail disappear from the public eye. He was just waiting for the right time to expose that he already knew. Tonight was the night.

He came back from work a bit late but as soon as he opened the door his nostrils picked up the delicious scent coming from the kitchen, since it was two of them most of the time they started to eat in the kitchen by the tall window looking outside and chatting about their day.

He walked to the kitchen and there she was, she was wearing a long black dress, covering her entire body but her curves were crystal clear, she was an astonishing woman and Hannibal was the one who could witness it. He was glad she killed her husband because he wanted her all to himself.

‘’Welcome back love.’’ She said and smiled, ‘’You go ahead and freshen up and then we can eat together.’’ He wasn’t an idiot, he picked up on her coldness, she was colder than usual. ‘’See you in a bit.’’ Hannibal replied and went upstairs, as usual he freshened up, didn’t forget to hide a small knife under his sleeve and came back to the kitchen, she smiled but it didn’t reach to her beautiful ears, he sat carefully on the kitchen stool, she brought the food, ‘’How was your day?’’ she asked casually, Hannibal’s eyes first roamed on her body, the white apron wrapped her body tight and made her body look pleasing, she looked much healthier than before, he did a great job taking care of her and so did she. Hannibal’s friends, especially Will and Jack kept mentioning how much Hannibal changed, there was a color to his face and his manners were warmer than before.

They chatted for a while, and then he watched her place her fork and knife on the empty plate, she drank her wine, ‘’I don’t want to beat around the bush anymore,’’ she began and Hannibal knew something was about to happen, ‘’you left your laptop and I saw the emails Jack kept sending you. You were declining his safe house offers for me.’’ Her bluntness made him more attracted.

‘’Give me a good reason.’’ Her voice was daring, he knew if he cannot give a good reason she is going to do something.

He could feel the cold blade in his sleeve, ‘’I simply do not see those houses fit. My house is the safest for you.’’

She stood up, ‘’You think you can put me in a cage!’’ her voice was threatening, ‘’I was trapped before and I’ll not be trapped again!’’

He knew she was traumatized by her marriage and she didn’t want to relive it, he could see it.

‘’That wasn’t my intention,’’ he stood up as well, there was space between them, she took off her apron and threw it on the floor, ‘’I’m leaving.’’ And as soon as she turned he grabbed her hand and made her clash onto his torso, ‘’You are not going anywhere darling.’’ He was so calm it made her question if he was human or not. ‘’Let go of me Hannibal!’’ she managed to get out of his grasp but this time he held her waist and pulled her again, he hugged her from behind, ‘’You cannot leave!’’ she could feel the blade and with a swift move she got the knife, it was sharp so it cut her finger, immediate blood running down her finger and coating her hand in crimson, ‘’Get back!’’ she tried to stab him but the knife was slippery in her hand, ‘’You cut yourself.’’ His voice was so soft and caring, tears running down her cheeks ‘’Please,’’ she begged, ‘’I can’t do it again..’’ she couldn’t help the tears, she couldn’t relive her past.

Hannibal was quick, he trapped her between his body and the kitchen island, he threw the knife on the floor, ‘’Listen to me Y/N.’’ their bodies were pressed, they were breathing heavily, ‘’I won’t do anything to hurt you,’’ she searched his maroon eyes, under the yellow warm lights she could see his dilated pupils, like a man who was drugged, ‘’I am not the man you think I am, I will never do anything to hurt you.’’ He was holding her firmly on both arms, ‘’I did everything for you!’’

She was trying hard to find a lie, or something suspicious in his eyes, but he was telling the truth.

She found herself hugging him, it had been so long since she hugged someone, maybe… maybe this could be it. He was startled at first but then he hugged her back, as they parted he captured her lips, he had wanted to do that for so long. The kiss was so passionate it knocked the breath out of her, his lips were plump and delicious, he was perfect.

As they were kissing their hands were exploring their bodies, his torso and arms were so firm and manly his hands went to the skirts of her dress, pulling up, she let him. Her hands went to his belt and he helped her, Hannibal had to be honest, he had been imagining this scene for weeks, he wanted to be at the comfort of his bed but both of them couldn’t wait that long for they were desperate.

He was biting her lips, moaning like a mad man, when her hand went to is boxers and she felt how hard he was and she moaned into his mouth which made him get more exited, she pumped him through his boxers, Hannibal wasn’t like this usually but something in her brought his dark animalistic side to the light and he felt like himself, without faking to fit in with the society. She was eager to pull his pants and bowers down and he quickly pulled everything down, she broke the kiss to look at his large cock, it was just as she expected, large and clean, his tip was covered in pre-cum, she looked up to meet his eyes, she could see the hunger and need, Hannibal made her sit on the kitchen island and positioned himself between her legs, he brought her black panties to the side, when he started to tease her with his tip she was a moaning mess, ‘’Hannibal..’’ she moaned in protest, it had been so long since she had slept with anyone.

He looked at her divine face, cheeks flushed, mouth parted, ‘’Do you want me?’’ he asked with a low baritone, ‘’Yes, please.’’ She replied eagerly and he slowly pushed his cock in her soaking core, Hannibal almost came with the contact because she was so tight it was unbelievable.

The blood on her hand dried but left marks on his clothes, neck, cheeks, he deeply buried himself and moaned in satisfaction, she was gripping him tight, he pulled back completely and pushed again and started a rhythm. His balls were slapping her, wet noises filling the kitchen, ‘’Kiss me.’’ She begged and he complied willingly, he was like a wild animal, she could feel his cock tearing her insides, when he grabbed her boob tightly they both felt the wetness growing inside her, even though they were fully clothed they didn’t care. He let his tip hit her insides fiercely and she had to break the kiss to moan loudly, he was hitting the spot which his ex husband could never do, this was something she was experiencing for the first time and her eyes rolled back, her head falling back and Hannibal buried his head to the crook of her neck, he kissed her neck, biting her and leaving bruises. ‘’Hannibal…’’ she moaned his name over and over again.

She was getting tense which Hannibal noticed and he soothed her, ‘’Shhh, let go, don’t be afraid..’’ he knew she was holding back and with his encouraging words she came in gush of water, it was her first time squirting and it was intense, Hannibal caressed her face, her hair and let her live it, experience it for the first time, he pulled out and didn’t mind the mess she made, matter of fact it was hot and he wanted to continue fucking her and leave her seed in her, would she allow it? He wanted to try.

When she relaxed a bit he pushed back in, he wasn’t done with her, and now she was more sensitive, the tiny voices she was making pushed him over the edge and he came inside her really hard, he was a moaning mess and she loved it, she kissed her as he came, when they were done she kissed her gently, he was still buried deep, ‘’It’s okay.’’ She said, noticing the worry in his eyes, he kissed her back, Hannibal knew that after tonight he wasn’t going to let her ago.

She was his.

Thank you for reading. :)

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csuitebitches · 10 months ago

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I apologize for the long ask and if this question is a bit juvenile but objectively, how can one “gain” pretty privilege/gauge how they are viewed? I’ve done well in career pursuits for how early on I am ( I graduated in 2020) but started noticing that the invites to events/opportunities where one can really establish themselves not only professionally but socially, I was getting passed over by some higher up colleagues. In speaking to a female mentor who is related to my field and the same background as me (Black), she alluded that while my race may play a small factor in it, it’s more so my appearance that may be holding me back as the personality and poise is there. Some coworkers of mine who are brilliant and POC have similar credentials and positions as I and while we are all wonderful and hard working, they (who I feel are more beautiful and put together looks-wise) have discussed privately to me they have noticed a difference in treatment between us. While it’s not right, I am adult enough to know not to let things that can be fixed hinder the life I want. Your page is a wealth of information and I appreciate how encouraging you are!!

well. I’m going to be very blunt.

it’s all fun and games to say “oh fuck the beauty standards they’re terrible and they shouldn’t exist” yes, true, unfortunately they do exist and they play a bigger role than we imagine it to be.

the first thing you have to get right is your mindset.

you need to be strong enough to admit that you need changes in X, Y, Z area but not in A, B, C area. You also need to be a little loyal towards your racial identity (for the better or worse) because that’s what is going to make you stand out.

if you have a sensitive, overly emotional mindset and you get hurt very easily / become obsessive by nature, I highly recommend you to STOP reading now.

Understand what is considered pretty in your country and area. Even in one country, beauty standards can different from the north and south. Don’t exactly try to become attractive for the opposite sex but understand what they find attractive because these guys are your primary responders to your pretty privilege. Women will be kind on the surface and so it can be difficult to get constructive criticism from them.

Understand what YOU consider pretty. Who are the women who you think are crazy beautiful? What do they look like, dress like, how’s their hair and their make up, can you replicate any of it? Rule of thumb when it comes to hair and beauty - look at influencers / celebs who are of your racial background for the best fit.

there are always a few things that are universally considered “respectfully attractive” not “you wanna fuck me attractive”- semi modesty/ modesty outfits (my father always told me that when in doubt, go for a more conservative look), hygiene, well kept hair, clean nails and toe nails, soft skin, natural make up, natural hair colour, perfume, clothes that fit, skin care, a workout routine.

pretty privilege is not just the art of looking pretty. It’s also bringing in something of value on the table. Value = money / connections / knowledge/ humour / being the fun social person / whatever value the target group considers to be the most important for you to be relevant to them. Work on your soft skills. It’s better to look half baked but have solid soft skills than to look amazing and not know how to converse.

things that one normally notices when meeting someone new:

Skin - is it clear, is the make up overdone?

hair - is it messy or does it suit your face structure?

how you smell

teeth, when you talk - and dental hygiene

shoes - are they filthy?

shirt/ top - does it fit you well (always check that the seams on your shoulder and your actual shoulder line up), the colour of your clothes

body type, posture, how you carry yourself

start with incremental changes. Make a list of things you think you could improve on (this is not a list of “ugly” things, it’s an “improvement/ potential” list). Sort them according to ease of improvement (is this going to be expensive and difficult or affordable and easy?) and time (can this be done overnight or will it take some time).

Use point 1 and 2 only as launching pads. You do not have to look like Beyoncé, you’re simply understanding what her MUA and hair stylist does for her that could work for you. After a point, you have to ensure that YOUR identify sticks out and is still there, you’re not born to imitate someone else and also, it’s very obvious when someone is trying to be someone they’re not.

again. I repeat. If you’re going to get obsessive and make yourself sick over this it’s NOT WORTH IT. If you’re not mentally capable of making these changes, do not go through it.

#Q/a #pretty privilege

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notjanine · 5 months ago

Text

update on this situation: i have a plan

me a week ago: i love my job!!

me now, after having a mid-year review that amounted to you’re doing an excellent job and you bring such a valuable perspective to our practice but i don’t have the ability to give you a raise right now but don’t worry bc i just hired a new CFO to try to figure out money so we can maybe give you a raise later this year: *breaks into a cold sweat as i crack open indeed dot com*

#i complained to my mom about this and then remembered she has experience being a Boss when she advised me to #-set up another meeting with my boss #-explain why i deserve a raise (good work irreplaceable value due to my identitities cost of living in the city where i live and work)#-provide context for what my peers are getting paid (a friend let me know exact numbers for her same job and hoo boy i am EXPLOITED)#-request a timeline for a raise with specific numbers in writing #-let her know that i’ll be job hunting if it’s insufficient #all sounds reasonable but also sounds uncomfortable as hell #bc like she already said no. and also i don’t want to find a new job. but i do need to survive.#i also have a BUNCH of meetings/hangs next week to run stuff by peers and colleagues #i’m hanging with two friends who work at an almost identical practice as far as services offered and population served #they’re making ~twice as much as me but i’m gonna get specific numbers #i’ll be seeing my supervisor at work is also a clinician but she’s senior to me but we have a good relationship #and i’m gonna ask her how much she’s making and what her raises have been like #(and maybe i’ll tell her how much they’re making at the other practice bc what if she also doesn’t know!!)#i also have a meeting with a fun new colleague who works at a different but similar practice that doesn’t have anyone who does my job #so i might just be like Hey y’all need an RD?? jk jk! unless….#and then i might talk to my mentor too even tho she works in a very different job and city but just to run things by her #anyway. i am working on this #and also maybe i’ll fucking bounce bc it’s CRAZY how much my friend is being offered for the same job at a different practice #like she’d be making TEN TIMES what i’m getting for admin hours. which is the worst part of the job!!!#and then yeah almost double overall #this is NUTS like where is all the money at this place GOING??!#there have been red flags since the beginning but i thought that was just how this profession is #(bc it is terrible and exploitative)#but hearing what my friends are getting is like. oh okay it doesn’t actually have to be like THIS? inchresting

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ica1 · 1 year ago

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Hello Hello! I hope your day is going great and you’re having a great Valentine’s Day if it’s already the 14th where you are! I’m new to the blog, so I’m excited to see what content you have!^_^

Would it be possible for me to request a Jouno x reader where the reader is Tecchou’s twin? Like they have the same eating habits, same triangles below their eyes, basically identical when there isn’t a crisis/mission, but the reader has logic close to Dazai’s level when work does come up

Reader during a meeting: (glances at Tecchou and sweatdrops) *how are we related…?* they say as if they weren’t drinking coffee and soy sauce five minutes earlier

Feel free to ignore the request. It’s your blog, you write what you find inspiration from and make sure you’re taking care of yourself!

Author's Note: Hello I know it has been a while since I posted something original but life has been a lot and I wasn't able to get around to do or finish some of these until now but I'm here now and I will be updating my rules for requests as well as who you can request with some characters from other fandoms. Also thanks for the request!

Jouno x Reader

Request or Not

Pronouns: Gender Neutral

Warnings?: None

--------------------------------------------------

HCS:

- Well this is fun...

- So as Tecchou's twin looking the same and having similar habits is only natural

- Although no one anticipated the extent of how similar you two would be when you and Tecchou first first joined the Hunting Dogs

- It was like you guys were the clone of each other

- Now Jouno already is constantly annoyed by Tecchou

- Imagine having to deal with double?

- His worst nightmare honestly

- Which begs the question of what is the difference?

-What sets you apart from Tecchou that caught Jouno's eye?

- The answer is...

- Missions

- Unlike Tecchou who sticks to his aloof personality no matter what

- Your logic seems to skyrocket during important meetings and missions

- Which makes you the strategist and the main problem solver in most important meetings and missions

- Which also makes you question how you Tecchou are related sometimes...

- As if you didn't drink coffee with soy sauce and strawberries with shichimi spice right before the meeting started

- This spike in logic during meetings/missions is what peaked Jouno's interest and what made him want to get to know you more

- After a while of getting to know each other the both of you started developing feelings for each other

- and boom confession happens and relationship officially starts

- Interesting and unexpected to the rest of your colleagues but accepted nonetheless

- You both weren't exactly open about it so they found out on their own

- Tecchou was fine with it when he found out like...

- "Congratulations on your relationship [Name]."

- "Thanks Tecchou."

- But as soon as he talks to Jouno...

- "Break their heart and there will be consequences." Tecchou threatened

- "Tecchou please..." You sighed

- "Relax I don't intend on it." Jouno said unphased

- Jouno tries to encourage that you eat things that aren't color coordinated because he is somewhat concerned

- While you don't stop eating color coordinated things you do eat some things that aren't color coordinated much to Jouno's relief

Oneshot:

You and Jouno were walking back to base after a mission of information gathering. Thanks to your plan the target who you gathered intel from didn't suspect that they were playing into your hands. Meanwhile Jouno was scanning the perimeter to make sure your conversation with the target went smoothly.

"I feel like eating something."

"Sure what would you like, my treat."

"Curry and strawberries with shichimi spice."

"You're going to eat something that isn't color coordinated?" Jouno sounded a little surprised

"I like the curry you got me the other day besides I'm still eating strawberries with shichimi spice so there isn't that much of a difference."

"I know but it's just surprising. Was the curry really that good?"

"I thought so."

"Well then let's stop by to eat at the same restaurant then. After all I don't believe there is any need to rush."

"Right then, it's settled."

You both went to the restaurant, ordered, and ate your food. Having a nice conversation you were both now walking back to base.

"I should try to convince Tecchou to try the curry sometime." You said thinking out loud

"Good luck with that."

"I honestly don't know how we're related sometimes." You sighed

"As if you don't drink coffee with soy sauce every day or sit down and watch ants for hours." Jouno said with a laugh

"Ants are a perfect model of leadership and loyalty, there is a lot I can learn from observing their behavior." You stated matter-of-factly

"Right, right, I remember."

"Wanna watch a movie after work?"

"Sure, my place sound ok?" Jouno asked

"Yes sounds perfect."

#bsd x reader #male reader #gender neutral reader #jouno x reader #bungou stray dogs jouno #jouno fluff #female reader

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justalonelyslytherin · 1 year ago

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Legacies | Thirteen

Previous Chapter | Masterlist | Next Chapter

Pairing: Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin x Kazansky!OC

Summary: The evening of their return the dagger squad meets at the hard deck for a celebration worthy of the mission they just finished. Ana has the chance to come clear but not everyone is in agreement with her actions. Can Jake finally get a moment alone with Ana and will Ana give him the chance to talk?

Warnings: mentions of alcohol and drinking, mentions of parental death, grieving a parent's death

Wordcount: 7.6k

If you enjoyed reading this, please consider leaving a comment or reblogging. I don’t allow for my content to be copied, translated, or reposted on other websites/apps. I ALSO DO NOT GIVE PERMISSION FOR THE USE OF AI IN ANY OF MY WORKS! Please don’t steal my work.

A/N: After the longer-than-anticipated break that this story took, finally the next chapter is here. The reason for the long break was me writing my thesis - as of today it is handed in and to celebrate this is getting posted! Also congratulations to everyone who voted in the poll if this would be over 10 pages. You were right, the chapter measures 15 pages in my writing document! And because I had so much fun, I decided to have some more polls going, giving you a chance to interact and influence the story a little bit. You can find the current poll here.

Taglist: open, message me or comment to be added, will be put as reblog

Everything was different now.

Memories. Places. Her.

Ana looked at nothing with the same eyes anymore. The world around her was coated in a different light since her father had drawn his last breath.

Even stepping into the familiar bar felt like stepping into a different world. What had not long ago been a place where she felt at home, surrounded by happy memories was now a place that left an uneasy feeling in the pits of her stomach and conjured up painful recollections.

Every memory of her father hurt. The happy ones more so than the ones of his last moments or even the ones from his first round of treatment against the illness when it was still new. Now the joy of those moments was temporarily tainted with pain and grief. One that would never go away. It was the permanent kind, a loss never to be undone. With time it would get easier. It wouldn’t hurt less but she would learn to cope, to move on with it, with her life. But right now the pain was still as strong as the loss was fresh.

The bar was much fuller than three-ish weeks ago when she’d just arrived back in San Diego. There were patrons littering the bar and filling the many spaces inside. It was a strange sensation as if she’d somehow crossed into a parallel universe, the moment then repeating like a nightmare.

Booming music streamed out of one corner where the jukebox stood, the melody distinct even over the constant chatter of patrons. It wasn’t too busy yet, as Ana quickly spied Penny leaning with her elbows on the counter, talking calmly with none other than her godfather.

Maverick sat there at the bar on the opposite side of the counter, a half-finished beer in front of him, his fingers toyed with the edge of the glass. This time his phone was nowhere to be seen. At least he had learned from the last time. Maybe tonight Penny wouldn’t have him thrown out either. Now that things between them seemed to have come to a conclusion.

Ana was truly happy for her godfather. He’d deserved the happiness and the stability of a relationship. Penny was exactly what Maverick needed. Maybe now he’d have a chance at settling down.

Penny’s eyes, likely sensing her spying on the two of them, landed on Ana not a moment later, mouth pausing as her lips tucked into a smile. Ana wanted to return it but her lips failed to raise.

Now that they had noticed her though, she slowly walked up to the counter. Perhaps it was a good distraction first before she would venture further into the establishment to seek out her colleagues. In the pit of her stomach, an uneasiness had settled over the fact she had agreed to come.

It was inevitable for her to have to come clean, even though all of them already seemed to know her secret. There was a distinct difference between her assuming and actually knowing. Ana just hoped they wouldn’t outright confront her about it and instead leave her time to bring it up and more importantly explain it in her own ways.

Maverick turned around as Ana stepped up beside him. His eyes trailed over her body, they gave her a once-over before settling on her face. His features softened, there was a gentleness in them that she would have scoffed at any other moment. Usually, Ana hated to be coddled and taken to be this vulnerable, frail thing. Her godfather had always been incredibly good at seeing her as the little girl she’d once been, forgetting she’d matured into a young, strong, and self-sufficient woman years prior.

Right now the softness in Maverick’s eyes soothed Ana’s nervous turmoil. His arms wrapped around her, pulling her to his side. She slacked against him, leaning into his sturdy frame with a small sigh.

“Do you have a way home?” Maverick murmured against the side of her head into her hair and Ana nodded against his shoulder. She lingered in the hug, only tentatively pulling away to stand beside him. His arms dropped, one remaining loosely wrapped around her waist.

“Yeah, I got mom’s car.”

He hummed, “If you want to have a drink I can drive you home later on.”

“No it’s fine, I… I don’t want to drink much, if all.” Drinking her sorrow away was the last thing she wanted to do. A short, swift alleviation it would be, albeit the pain would come crashing back only tenfold afterward.

“Alright,” Mav nodded, glancing at Penny who had watched the two of them quietly. Ana looked over at the bar owner too, nodding at her.

“One drink?” Penny asked, not in any way trying to coax. She would never try to persuade her into drinking, Penny the least of all of them. Ana nodded, agreeing to one.

As Penny dove behind the bar to get the bottle of her favored brew, Maverick brought Ana’s attention back to him. He tucked at the back of her shirt, just like he had done when she was little to tease or rain her in.

“I’ll join you up later.”

“I bet they’ll like that. You know they will try to get you to buy a round or two.” Maverick grimaced at the thought, remembering the money he spent that first night in the bar. His grimace quickly turned into a sly grin and a short laugh and Ana knew that he had come up with something.

“There you go.” Penny reappeared with Ana’s bottle in tow, handing it over the bar to her.

“Thank you, Penny.” But the bar owner just smiled at her and shooed her off, head cocking behind her toward the back of the bar.

Two pairs of eyes trailed Ana’s retreating form, concern for the young woman shimmering in them.

“Do you think she’ll be alright?” Penny asked, turning her eyes towards Maverick. He had watched her grow up. There was scarcely anyone here who knew her better.

“I’m not sure,” he answered with a sigh. Doubt carried in his voice. If Ana felt even just a shred as lost as he still felt about the loss of Ice, he really couldn’t say. The hole that had been ripped open by the loss felt bottomless. Like a black hole it continuously tried to suck every bout of hope, of living out. What would be stronger in the end?

“He was everything to her.”

Ice had been everything to him as well. “I’m not sure if she’ll ever recover from this loss.”

Penny eyed him in heavy contemplation. Looking back at her, Mav recognized the thoughtful gaze and so he added, “There was always something special in their bond. Ice was close to every one of his children but I don’t think anyone can come close to the bond they had. It transcended everything.”

Swallowing Maverick glanced back at his beer, fingers restlessly fumbling with the glass from which he set on to take another gulp of. He wasn’t one to drown his sorrow in alcohol, not that he hadn’t come close to it when he lost Goose. It was Carole and then also Ice and Sarah that had kept him from developing another destructive habit. Even though Maverick mused – even now – that one more really couldn’t hurt more.

“I just hope she won’t be hurt any further,” Maverick spoke after a long breath of silence between them, once more looking up, this time glancing past the bar to the two crowded tables in the back.

Penny followed him, her eyes turning to rest on a certain blonde as she hummed. “There is hope.”

“You think so?” He was surprised by the determination carrying in Penny’s voice, a mix of a sigh and laughter leaving his lips. It was hard for him to believe, even if he had gotten close to each of the aviators in those three weeks. Perhaps not close enough. Penny rendered him silent with one disapproving look.

She ought to know them better than Maverick did, he realized. Working behind the bar Penny had likely watched some of them - maybe even all - go through Top Gun, spending many a night in this bar.

Maverick wasn’t wrong with this assumption. Penny knew Jake like no one else from the dagger squad did. Not even Coyote. The flirty, suave blonde was entirely different in the sole presence of her, quieter and more reserved, more vulnerable. She’d seen through him the moment he’d set foot in front of her bar counter that first time, trying to have his way with her by throwing one of those flirty one-liners at her.

She knew that deep down Jake was different from Hangman, who had tried to flirt with her that day. Those big words and that even bigger grin were a front to hide beneath a decent and sweet man who had been hurt, hit one too many times, and now too cautious to show his true emotions.

“He’s just as broken as all of us are.” Pictures of him after his kill resurfaced in her mind. Pictures of the broken man, forever separated from his colleagues, unable to process what had happened, unable to process his own guilt and nearly breaking beneath it.

Maverick hummed, quietly murmuring. Maybe they’d be able to heal together.

Ana’s heartbeat picked up as she walked around the bar in the middle of the room, eyes sweeping over the patrons in the back half of the establishment. Beside the jukebox in the far right corner and the pool tables straight forward, she couldn’t spy the others. Only when she looked to the left, where there were more tables and even a couple of booths could she spy a large group of civilian-dressed people that looked oh too familiar.

Not that it quelled her rapidly threshing heart. No, in actuality it made it even worse, a knot materializing in her throat. There was still time for Ana to turn around this instant and walk back out of the door.

This hesitation. This fear. Was entirely unknown to Ana. She wasn’t like that, she barely recognized herself. Had she not faced worse challenges? She’d learned to fly a jet, shoot ammunition, and throw bombs off with it. She had learned how to fight in combat, she’d deployed to active zones of conflict and risked her life in her service over and over. Why then did the thought of stepping up to her colleagues, her friends, frighten her so much more?

“Ghost, you came!”

At her side, Omaha appeared suddenly, hands full with bottles of beer as he smiled friendly at her. It startled her, the abrupt appearance of him. But just as quickly as he had appeared she recovered.

“Hi,” Ana murmured, focusing on the many beers precariously balanced in his hands. They were quite full.

“You already found the table?” He asked her and she nodded, motioning to pluck some of the beverages out of his hands. “Let me help.”

Omaha nodded and once they had evenly split the bottles she followed him to the table.

A chorus of happy shouts and other kinds of greetings awaited Ana. They were all clustered around two tables, shoved together and even then it seemed like quite the tight fit. The tables in the bar weren’t designed for such big groups.

Ana’s steps faltered when her eyes met a pair of electrifying green ones, turning around towards her. It was the first and only time she looked over at Hangman during her approach. Even if she had wanted to look at him again – which she didn’t – there would have been no way.

Rooster stood up the moment he saw her, moving to take the bottles of beer from her hands, and handing them out. Her own bottle remained in her hands as the mustached man motioned for her to take his seat.

There was one more empty seat, presumably Omaha’s, and even if it wouldn’t have been his, Ana would not have taken it. Fritz might have still been sitting between her and Hangman then, but Ana wasn’t quite comfortable with the thought of being so close to the blonde.

Earlier – at the hangar – had been a different story. An Exception. She’d been too caught up in her relief seeing everyone but especially Rooster and Maverick back alive and well. Hangman too. Her traitorous heart had leaped at the sight of him, soaring in happiness, the looming sword of uncertainty over her head had been sheathed at once.

And then reality had set back in.

Rooster grabbed another chair from an empty table, bringing it over and Ana took his previous one, in the middle between Phoenix and Halo. She was still closer to the blonde, who hadn’t looked away even once since his bright green eyes had snapped onto her. But now with Halo, Omaha, and Fritz, not to mention two tables, between them she felt a little more at ease.

“How long have you been here?”

Halo smiled at her, blindly grabbing over Omaha to grab his arm and draw it into her lap. She peered down at his wristwatch, eyes furrowing together in a way that had Ana wonder how much they already had to drink.

“Not long,” Halo determined soon after, letting go of her pilot’s arm.

“You haven’t missed anything if that’s what you are wondering,” Phoenix added, smiling at her. They surely hadn’t waited for her to arrive, had they? Curious, Ana wanted to know. The question however she was denied to ask, as Harvard cleared his throat pulling – almost – everyone’s attention toward him.

“We’re all here now. Time for a toast. To everyone coming back in one piece. To our team effort. To everyone gathered here today.”

“To a successful mission!” Fanboy added cheerfully, beer in hand that he raised high over his head. The others followed him, grabbing their beers if they hadn’t already and lifting them into the air. Ana fell behind a couple of seconds, her beer the last one to raise.

“Cheers!”

High-pitched clinks reverted off the touching glass where the bottlenecks were tapping together, mixing into the voices around Ana. One after another the bottles sank back, meeting their holder's lips. The beer was cold and fizzy against her lips, bubbles prickled against her lips and the roof of her mouth as Ana took her sip. Left behind was a fine sheen of foam, which she licked away.

All around her, the buzz of cheering had transformed into multiple, smaller conversations. She got caught up in listening to Phoenix, Rooster, and Payback chat, content to simply sit back, not having to talk herself. Ana had had to talk too much in the last couple of days.

Countless phone calls, thanking people for the flowers and condolence cards that even now kept pouring into their home. She held correspondence with her superiors, the people who had been her father’s colleagues and subordinates. They were planning on further honoring her father and his life's work in the Navy. Not only that but other people, journalists and others, kept inquiring too. It was exhausting.

As much as she focused on the conversation to her left, there was one thing – or rather one person – to her right, that made it almost impossible to listen attentively. She could feel Jake’s eyes on her, burning two distinct holes into her side. Even trying her best to look in the opposite direction, out of the corner of her eyes she noticed the blonde. He did a good job feigning to listen to Fritz and Coyote, throwing in little quips here and there but mostly Jake sat there, his knee bouncing up and down, bottle clasped in his hand tightly as he stared at Ana across the table. No way the others would grant him even a minute alone with her, yet all Jake wanted was a chance to talk to her.

“Yo Rooster, what do you think? You suppose the brass will give you a medal or a write-up for defying direct orders?” Omaha’s voice drowned out the other conversations around the table.

“Whatever it is, it’ll be a while until we’ll know. Wouldn’t surprise me if it’ll take forever ‘till they reviewed the mission considering the higher brass is in quite the disarray.”

And suddenly the group turned quiet, their eyes zeroing in on Ana. Uneasiness blanketed her. It was obvious why the brass was a little too out of order right now. Which was exactly the prompt they’d needed to remember just who was sitting with them.

“Sorry, I–”

Ana shook her head, “No, it’s alright.” Even if her voice didn’t sound as sure as she wanted it to appear. The moment of truth had arrived. Worry had consumed her, the uncertainty of her friend's and colleagues' stance on the big reveal plaguing her. Ana had never thought to believe any ill reaction of them prior to the funeral but then Jake had happened and the axis of her world had been tilted. Now she couldn’t be sure about anything pertaining to her name and identity anymore. She had become anxious as well as careful about it.

Words failed her, her mouth and lips suddenly drier than the sand of the Sahara desert. How did one break this news that technically they all already knew? How did one come clean without making it awkward? How could she state what everyone already knew without sounding insincere?

“You want to re-introduce yourself to us?” There was no malice in Phoenix's words. No scrutiny or judgment. Instead the dark-haired woman, the second closest friend Ana had in the squad after Rooster, looked at her with warmth and an encouraging openness.

Her words were a careful ask, a gently prodding prompt meant to ease her into a confession if Ana wished so. She was grateful for it, wanting nothing more but to come clean to her friends and colleagues and have the topic off the table so she didn’t have to worry about the unspoken, the unknown perhaps.

Having not known how to explain herself to them, Phoenix offered an easy starting point. But even then Ana felt choked, not by any expectations but once more by the reality that had plunged her life into darkness.

She tried to smile but it came out skittish and uneasy and so Ana quickly turned to nodding. They were all looking at her, more or minder directly, attentively but with a warmth that eased her into speaking.

“Yeah,” Ana mumbled, clearing her throat as she shifted in her seat. “I think it’s long overdue now. I never meant to lead any of you astray and I certainly didn’t hide this out of maliciousness. It just..,” she trailed off, leaving the end unfinished.

There had been no good time to spring it upon them, no moment in which she could have uttered an ‘Oh by the way guys, I’m actually Admiral Kazansky’s daughter’. Anyways.

“Uhm, it’s Ana–” her voice wobbled, threatening to give out. No amount of preparation could make it any easier. Ana was forced to take a rattling, shallow breath to keep the tears at bay.

“Ana Kazansky.”

The words barely left her lips without a stutter but once they’d finally been uttered a weight dropped off her shoulders. It felt freeing.

Everyone was looking at her with compassion and sympathy, every eye she met showed nothing but understanding. As she looked over at Phoenix, the one to ask in the first place, the woman opened her arms in a silent invitation. Ana gladly took the offer for a hug, needing it more than anything else, second most perhaps something stronger than beer.

Bob’s arms slung around her from behind, sandwiching Ana between the flight duo. Melting into the embrace, some of the weight she’d been carrying for so long lifted off her shoulders. Ever since her father had died, she had gotten into conflict with her own decision, feeling that the choice she’d made so long ago didn’t fit the her of today anymore.

The first step was made and for the rest of them here were the days going forward. But tonight, nothing of that mattered anymore, at least not for the moment. Gradually Ana calmed down enough for her breath to become steady and her tears to dry.

Bradley's hands clasped her shoulders after the hug, nodding at her with a lopsided smile. It was his way of saying ‘Good job kiddo’.

“But Ana is your actual first name right?” Payback asked jokingly, beer in his hand as he grinned over at Ana. His attempt at lightening up the mood once more was successful as Ana chortled.

“Yeah, it is.” Thinking for a moment, the hint of a smile tugged at her lips, “Although it’s not my full name and you guys have been butchering it.” The latter part – of course – wasn’t meant seriously and was more to egg them on.

Fanboy left out a surprised “Eh?” but it was Yale who leaned forward on his elbows and asked smiling, “Care to share?”

“It’s Ana Theodora Kazansky.”

“Can you repeat that?” Fritz asked her, “The way you said that.”

“Ah-na, it’s uh–”

“–a Russian name,” Bradley butted in, sounding playfully annoyed as he nursed his beer.

“Well, you sound like you’ve heard that one too many times,” Harvard nudged him with his elbow.

“If you only knew,” Bradley scoffed just as teasingly. “Been getting corrected on that all my life by the entire family.”

“And yet you still can’t seem to do it right.” To everyone’s surprise, Ana butted in, snarky and in the most outgoing, carefree way she had been since the funeral. The closest to the old Ana she’d been displaying ever since.

It didn’t last long, her mood quickly dampened by the scoff Coyote let out. Suddenly all eyes were on him. “Everything alright pal?” Payback asked.

“I think it’s just a little hypocritical don’t you think?” Coyote's eyes zeroed in on her, narrowing in a frown that had Ana’s stomach drop. “So much for comradery.”

“Yo dude, come on, that was obviously a joke,” Omaha frowned beside him while Ana just stared, the ground ripped from beneath her feet.

“No. You are just as hypocritical. She gets a free pass for her actions while she’s allowed to give others shit for theirs?”

Oh. So that’s what that was about. She’d almost forgotten how she’d laid into Hangman. Of course, as his best friend Coyote was going to be on his side. Ana simply hadn’t thought it was that much of a problem, since it had been between Hangman and her and the moment had been heated.

All around the table voices erupted but the words were reduced to mere noise in the back of her mind. It shouldn’t surprise Ana, until the moment she sat down at the table she’d anticipated – feared – everyone would react like Coyote had. Still, him reacting like that had sent her spiraling nonetheless.

“Enough!” Silence settled over them. Ana glanced up in surprise at Hangman, who had broken the discussion. Briefly, their gazes met across the table before he glanced away, looking around at all of them but mostly at Coyote.

“I appreciate the sentiment ‘yote but shut up. No reason to attack her like that, she did nothin’ wrong. You and I will never know what it’s like but we may try to understand it.” Her heart fluttered, only a fraction from the Texan drawl bleeding into his voice and mostly the serious, defending way with which he said it. He was defending her?

“Understand what? That she gets a free pass?”

“What’s it like to be a family legacy, what’s it like when everyone knows who you are and there are impossible expectations on you from the moment you are born because of your name. You and I can't imagine what it’s like to have everyone either look down on you for who you are or put you on an impossible-to-achieve pedestal. What it’s like when everyone thinks you haven’t worked hard enough to earn something even if you did your damn hardest to earn it.

I couldn’t imagine what it’s like to be reduced to my last name and for people to not see me for who I am but for my parents' son.

Everyone around his table has had to work their hardest to get where we are now but there is no question that some of us had it harder than others,” Jake made the briefest glance toward Phoenix, Halo, and lastly Ana. “You’d do well to remember that, perhaps asking and listening in on their hardships would help you not look as stupid as you are right now. ”

“And lastly it’s none of our damn business if she decided to keep her private information private. Or do you go around sharing your lineage and heritage with everyone?

No one’s getting a free pass here.”

Ana was left speechless. Jake jumping to her rescue surprised her a lot, even more so at how reflective and open he was. While it was clear that the others had caught some part of what happened at the funeral, she was sure they weren’t in on it all.

Most likely Rooster had told them the gist of it, otherwise, they wouldn’t have jumped between Jake and her at the Hangar. But there was no way Rooster would dish out the entire story when it wasn’t his to tell.

She had no idea what had gone down after the funeral or during the mission, but something had happened. At least something had changed in Jake. That being sad she wasn’t sure if she was ready to deal with it all, no less ready for it than she had been at the hangar earlier that day. Just because he came to her defense now didn’t mean Jake understood all of it or could see his faults.

While Ana deep down longed for nothing more than resolution, a big part – and the loudest of it all by far – still wasn’t ready for confrontation. Her mood was soured and once more the walls seemed to come down all around her. Her breath hitched, the tension around the table suddenly too much for her. Grabbing her bottle, her chair screeched loudly against the floor.

“I’m going to get a refill,” she muttered, squeezing past Bradley, who had taken a seat narrowly behind her and Phoenix.

Much later that same evening Ana found herself outside on the back patio, where the air was crisp, the sky dark and the world a little quieter.

Lonelier.

Ever since Coyote’s more than snide comments, the atmosphere had been off, the mood tainted with those burdensome words. Ana didn’t want to dampen the fun of the others, doubts of coming in the first place rampaged wildly inside her. She’d tried to put on a brave face, to smile through it and drink a little more. To loosen up.

Ultimately however she felt like a pretender. Never wanting to be one ever again - even with her brave face - she’d opted to go back to Penny. But Penny had been busy, the later the night the more patrons to serve.

With Maverick joining the lively group Ana briefly had been able to relax, to forget a bit for a while. Only for the time being until her gaze crossed Coyote’s at the table again. Then she was back to square one.

And so, at some point and entirely unnoticed, she’d gone off on her own, to find some quiet and solitude out here. Her forearms braced against the railing, both hands wrapped around her bottle of beer, she stared out at the waves, barely discernible in the dim light of the night.

Emotions bubbled under the surface, beneath the carefully maintained mask. Cracks had formed along its smooth form, crumbling the more time passed. Ana had truly thought she’d be able to stomach an evening away already, to throw herself back into the routine outings.

“I tried to,” she whispered into the quiet, voice lost in between the sways of the faraway waves and the summer breeze caressing her hair. “I’m trying so hard to be strong, Dad.” Her lips trembled, voice turning wobbly and weak.

“It’s just so damn hard,” she whimpered, closer to a sob, closer to breaking down.

This horrid wave of pain became laced with anger and that familiar bout of resentment cooking up inside her. How weak was she that she couldn’t even manage one evening? One silly night? Angry tears burned Ana’s eyes, her stubborn refusal all that held them back from spilling. Her nails scratched against the bottle's smooth glass, catching the edges of the label, fingers tightening their hold.

Nearly swallowed in this silent fight with herself, Ana could have – would have – missed the backdoor swinging open if not for that one old hinge at the bottom creaking under heavy strain.

Startled out of her pain and self-misery she hastily wiped over her face as discreetly as possible before she glanced back. It was those green eyes she noticed first – and perhaps only – in the dawn, causing her to straighten her back, carefully guarding herself. Ana swallowed, curiously just as hesitantly eyeing the blonde, waiting for him to move. It took Jake a long breath to close the door behind him, the hinge screeching a second time before he took a step forward but not yet coming toward her.

All throughout the evening, Ana had watched him out of the corner of her eye trying to get close. Only for one of the many daggers – she’d been told that’s how Hondo had dubbed the bunch, promptly turning into their unofficial name – to block him off. Be it changing his seat to one closer to her or being able to address her. Not even looks they had outright permitted, one of them conventionally and just coincidentally shifting so they couldn’t cross eyes. Not that he had tried still, stolen glances slipping past the vigilant guards, which Ana noticed.

Jake had been progressively growing more frustrated until some time ago when he had left the group table to stalk off to who knows where to do who knows what.

Now he stood here, watching her as the light from inside the hard deck illuminated his back. She might have stood in the dark but the little light filtering out toward her was enough for him to notice the motion of her hands.

Two hearts rapidly beat on the opposing sides of the deck. Jake hesitated. Just then he had been so determined to approach her, to finally get a moment alone with her. Now he wasn’t so sure if he still should. If he wouldn’t do more harm than what he was trying to repair.

He couldn’t move, stuck in his spot, in this position. Torn between stepping forward and leaving again. Torn between his want, his need, to mend a situation – possibly unfixable – and going to preserve an already thin enough tolerance or to admit defeat.

Failing to move in what could have been merely heartbeats but also minutes Ana turned away, facing the beach again, her back now turned to him. While this gesture might have been a sign for anyone else to leave, for Jake it was the permission to approach, albeit slowly and carefully.

Once more Ana found herself staring into the dark, the waves ominously glistening in the distance, no different from the waves of emotions crashing in her stomach, their sounds sweeping up the dunes toward them. But now their sound was mixed with Jake’s boots, with the slow yet sturdy steps as he drew closer.

The railing creaked under his forearms as he leaned against the barrier not far away from her. Some might even call it beside her. There were but a few feet dividing them. Quiet was the chosen ambience, at least for a while in which they dwelled on their thoughts, each one stuck in their own complicated world of mind.

There came a point when the silence became too much for Ana, too glaring, too grading on her nerves. Looking over at him at first was a quick glance, then another one until not long after she turned her head entirely to him, watching with careful eyes. In the dark, she thought to notice a reddish tinge to his tan skin, almost unintelligible.

“Are you drunk?” She asked, quietly, words carrying an accusing sting with them.

“No,” he answered, adding a few contemplative moments later, “Maybe a little.”

Her instinct to flee his proximity kicked in, no longer able to bear the pain still residing inside of her, to tolerate this silent existence between them. The jerky, jittery movement, not quite a stumble but also nowhere near graceful had Jake now eyeing her intently.

Against all her instincts his gaze held her there, gluing her to the spot like no one had ever been able to do before.

“Listen, I–” As fast as her instincts had been blanketed by his gaze, his words brought the innate need for her to leave right back.

“–Don’t! I don’t want to hear…” And with the sensation came another wave of bite to defend, to guard herself. Ana had learned her lesson at the funeral and she wouldn’t be a fool once more.

But she wouldn’t let him out of her eyes either, at least not for the first careful steps backward, her hand skirting along the edge of the railing until finally, in one swift motion, she whirled around and bolted down the steps.

“No, Ana, that’s not– Damn it!”

It was all she could hear before the rush of blood replaced any other noise. Ana’s heart hammered in her chest, the sudden bout of adrenaline taking her by surprise. She stumbled in the sand, wondering what she was even doing.

To no surprise it didn’t take long for her to crumble once more, adrenaline replaced by all the pain she’d shoved to the back in favor of guarding herself against the blonde. With him no longer around everything swept back. Like a tsunami, it now came crashing over her. A sob broke out from between her lips, knees buckling as she squatted down in the sand, forehead resting against her knees.

“Shit,” she whined, hands shaking as she tried to keep her balance, just like her emotions the world wanted to tilt around her, spinning out of control.

Muffled steps on sand hit her ears but there came no second wave of flight, no instincts to tell her to flee. She was too tired, too in pain from it all. What difference would more of it even make?

“Coyote had no right to say that to you,” Jake blurted, huffing as he reached her. He’d feared she’d just up and bolt again, not sure if catching her a second time was something he could do. Exhaustion; his lack of sleep during the mission on the carrier and now the added stroke of the alcohol coursing through his veins were catching up on him, heavily.

“And it’s my fault he said something in the first place. He’s protective of me like the others are of you, which doesn’t make it okay. I…I don’t know why he thought to say that, to do that in front of everyone–not that in private it would have been any more acceptable.”

With a sigh, Jake dragged his hand over his face. Ana had the most unusual reaction to this. She chuckled, shaking her head in a moment of displaced amusement, a laugh bubbling deep in her chest, barely held back.

“What– What’s so funny ‘bout that?” Jake puffed out in confusion, slowly blinking through the foggy tendrils of alcohol wanting to cloud his mind. He wasn’t that inebriated was he?

“You defended me,” she muttered, rising to her feet. Her eyes, landing point blank on Jake, were the brightest damn thing in this solemn night. But they weren’t as bright as they had been that night in the Hard Deck three weeks ago. Dimmed unmistakably now. Jake hated himself, knowing he was a part of the reason her flame had lost its spark.

“You defended me.”

He should have been insulted at the way she made it sound like it was the least possible thing that could happen, but he couldn’t. Not after what he had done to her. He deserved it. Deserved all of her mistrust.

“Even I can admit when I’m at fault.”

“You can? What changed?” There it was, the anger he had been expecting to surface back at the hangar already. She’d spared him then but now he was ready to take whatever she would hurl at him.

Shrugging he looked down at his feet, “I learned some new things. Things that gave me a new perspective.”

“For example?”

Sucking in his breath, Jake glanced upward. There she stood, in all her hostile, defensive glory. The waning crescent moon illuminated her from behind, the soft dim of it gave her an otherworldly glow. She looked like his best dream yet where he stood felt closer to his worst nightmare.

It took him off-guard that question of hers. Even though he had been the one to bring it up, he realized now how unprepared he truly was for her to ask. Gathering his witts usually came as easy as breathing. Not now. Trying to find his way to the start of his story was harder than Jake anticipated. Especially when the alcohol in his system chose now to ensnare his mind further.

Jake’s eyes lost their focus, skidding to the path of sand behind her leading to the tip of the beach where the waves came in from the vast open of the ocean. Their rhythmic movements had something almost calming.

Almost.

Beside his body Jake’s fingers started to twitch in wanton, one movement kickstarting the cascade of nervous notions that were entirely his own. His foot began tapping the sand beneath his sole in an erratic, uncontrolled cluster of muffled thumps.

The motion sent a flashback through his mind as much as it did little vibrations through the loose ground. One involving the very woman before him, a pen, and a sharp pain as said pen had been rammed into his thigh not long ago.

“That I’m more of a fraud than you could ever be,” he shrugged once more, shoving his hands into his pockets as he kicked at the sand beneath his feet. His words caught her off guard, abruptly halting her in her growing anger, stealing the roll she was building towards.

“What?” Her words were quiet, nearly lost over the waves, that suddenly sounded so much louder. And this time it was Jake who nearly laughed in surprise. Even when he had hurt her so badly and she had all the reason to hate his guts, she found it in herself to listen to him and perhaps even to muster some sympathy for him. He truly didn’t deserve it.

“I had to talk to someone, so I called my mother. She gave me an earful…” His hand flashed in her attention as he produced something from the pocket of his pants. Ana couldn’t tell what it was at first, his fingers nimbly spinning it between them. “She’d have flown here to whoop my ass no question if we didn’t ship out a couple of days later. She, uhh, put some things into perspective for me..”

Ana watched him now, attentive and with a poorly concealed hint of curiosity for which she would have liked to kick herself in the ass. She cursed him for having such an impact on her. Cursed herself more that even now she couldn’t resist this natural pull. Cursed her traitorous heart for beating faster, stronger.

How could it not when Jake was opening himself up to her? It reminded her of him showing up in her room with hot chocolate and snacks. When she had glimpsed the real Jake beneath the mask he made everyone believe was him.

One more thing sparked her memory. That little pick of wood between his fingers, flashing briefly in the moonlit space between them. Cursed be the toothpick, the little annoying thing that sent a shiver down her spine. He’d had it that morning in the hangar too, annoying her to no end.

Then she’d accounted it as a tool of superiority, for him to tease and show off. Was it true or had her own subjectivity turned it into it? Had it perhaps been nothing but his way of managing his nerves?

“From the first time I can remember I was always obsessed with planes. There was nothing more fascinating for me than those huge feasts of engineering. These beautiful man-made birds of steel, giving a mere human the ability to conquer and explore the skies.

Growin’ up my father always put it before me that I was to inherit the family business one day, continue and grow it. Like he had done and his father and his father’s father before them.”

His hand reached upwards, one pointy end rubbing along the flush of his bottom lip. How ironic that little thing was now when he was about to mention him. “It was my grandfather who showed me that my dream could become my reality. That my future was my choice. My mother’s family always lived far away from us and looking back on it now I realize why she kept us away so much from them.

Nonetheless, my grandfather became my hero. My role model from the moment I met him and found out he’d not only been in the Navy his whole life but been no less than an aviator.

To a twelve-year-old obsessed with everything aviation, he became the coolest person on earth. Even more so when afterward I found out he was highly decorated and considered a hero.”

Quietening down Ana almost missed his next words, “Guess I never realized how much of a hero he was considered until now. Or how much influence he earned through that.”

In a brief moment, Jake’s mask slipped, revealing the conflict warring inside of him. It was gone as quickly as it had, the iron mask back stronger.

“You see I always thought what got me into the academy was my hard work alone. And I was damn proud of it since it's no easy feat. I always thought everything can be done if you just put in enough effort and don’t quit.”

“Can’t stand quitters ya now? Those who give up because it’s too hard or those who let the difficulty and fear stop them from even trying, who can’t seem to put in the effort it would take to reach the end. I was full of prejudice, thinking that all legacy children always got in easily and without working for it.”

“Like me.” Hesitantly he glanced over at her, a cautious and nearly hidden look before his eyes drifted once more toward the ground where his feet shuffled around the sand. Rather harshly he cleared his throat, shaking off the lump in it and rushing to babble on.

“My mother used the ample opportunity to give me not only a lecture but also a lesson in what it was like to grow up for her. And I know I can’t compare that, likely yours and her experience won’t have many similarities but it..,” once more a heavy sigh cleaved his lips as Jake found himself lost for words. His hands tightened into fists, the toothpick between his fingers creaked under the strain, slowly bending until it snapped. The two broken pieces slipped beneath his fist, landing in the sand.

“She, uhm–,” he cleared his throat, “–she told me what it was like for her to grow up as the daughter of a navy hero. As a legacy child herself, even if she never wished to pursue the same career path.” A sad smile broke upon his lips, weakly twisting the corners of his mouth upwards. Ultimately the heaviness of his guilt brought them down again.

“My view on it all has been altered.”

There was no time to ponder about his words or what had been revealed with them, as Jake left no pause. He shrugged once more, hands shoved back into his pants as he spoke on, “I can’t let it slide when something untrue or incorrect is said. As you might have noticed I’m more blunt. Pretty sure everyone else thinks I’m just a mouthy asshole, who says what he thinks without regarding other people’s feelings.”

A rush of guilt swept through the hightide of her wavering emotions, like a little boat out in rough sea. She’d thought just the same. The more Ana learned of him, the stronger she felt that there was so much more to Jake. So much more behind those acts he put up and the brash way he spoke with others. And here she was, getting to see another part of him unraveled, another piece put into the puzzle that was understanding him.

“Don’t like to hide things. There is no point in sugarcoating things.” For a moment it looked like he wanted to say more, to add something. He looked over at her, their eyes met once more through the night and something glimmered in Jake’s eyes—a brief shine of something Ana couldn’t name or even describe.

And then he left. Simply turned around, walking back the way he had come to follow her. A couple steps away he turned around once more, “I won’t bother you any longer as you clearly wanted to have your peace in the first place. Apologies for disrupting.”

#legacies #hangman x oc #jake seresin x reader #jake seresin x oc #hangman x reader #jake seresin x kazansky!oc #jake seresin x kazansky/reader #hangman seresin imagine #jake hangman seresin x oc #jake hangman seresin x reader #hangman top gun #hangman seresin #top gun maverick fanfic

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kay-claire · 9 months ago

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I finished A Master of Djinn by P. Djèlí Clark today and absolutely loved it.

Synopsis:

Cairo, 1912: Though Fatma el-Sha’arawi is the youngest woman working for the Ministry of Alchemy, Enchantments and Supernatural Entities, she’s certainly not a rookie, especially after preventing the destruction of the universe last summer. So when someone murders a secret brotherhood dedicated to one of the most famous men in history, al-Jahiz, Agent Fatma is called onto the case. Al-Jahiz transformed the world 50 years ago when he opened up the veil between the magical and mundane realms, before vanishing into the unknown. This murderer claims to be al-Jahiz, returned to condemn the modern age for its social oppressions. His dangerous magical abilities instigate unrest in the streets of Cairo that threaten to spill over onto the global stage. Alongside her Ministry colleagues and her clever girlfriend Siti, Agent Fatma must unravel the mystery behind this imposter to restore peace to the city -or face the possibility he could be exactly who he seems…

My Review

I highly recommend reading A Dead Djinn in Cairo, the 0.1 novella in this series, before starting this book! I skipped all the other novellas (though I'll probably get around to them when I can because I do love this universe), and didn't feel like it made a difference, but A Dead Djinn in Cairo is where Fatma and Siti meet, and the case they work on in that book is referenced multiple times in this book and has a huge impact on the overall plot - I would have been SO annoyed and confused by all those references if I hadn't read that book first. That out of the way, I LOVE this book. The setting - alternate universe 1920s Egypt with some steampunk vibes to it - is SO cool, the main characters are fantastic, and the plot and mystery are really fun. I wouldn't try and sell this as a romance (the main couple are already together at the beginning of the book and the story doesn't revolve around them too much), but Fatma is a butch lesbian with hot femme fatal girlfriend Siti, and Fatma's friendship with Hadia, her new partner in the department, is a delight. I also think it had some fantastic things to say about colonialism, racism, colourism, slavery and xenophobia - often with a fantastic dry humour to it. If you're a fan of A Marvellous Light's trilogy by Freya Marske I would highly recommend this to you.

#a master of djinn #p. djèlí clark #book recs #book recommendation #bipoc authors #queer books #lgbt books #sapphic books #booklr #reading #book review

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mrbensonmum · 8 months ago

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TV Show - CSI: Las Vegas IV

We did it! The middle of the second season brought the much talked about changes in the aspect ratio, and at the same time, although it was subtly hinted at the beginning of the season, the lab and the interrogation rooms also changed.

But before we can enjoy this new, wonderful, screen-filling view, we have to go through another tough battle. Because yes, I'm harping on it, but Catherine is really exhausting at the beginning of the second season.

So far, she hasn't been confirmed as supervisor, and she graciously declined the temporary takeover by Grissom. Yet she behaves constantly like a boss, always bringing up that she's not properly appreciated, and her interactions with colleagues are just impossible; that's just not teamwork, sorry. Yes, she's supposed to be portrayed as the strong woman, and I can understand a certain gruffness there, but I find her incredibly disrespectful when working with Nick, Greg, or Sara. They're her colleagues and teammates, what's up with that??

This brings us directly to another point that struck me in the first part of the second season, namely the treatment of Greg. The impetus for this came from a comment by Grissom when Greg dared to call Paul Millander clever in his eyes. You can do that, and yes, Grissom is particularly involved in this case, but that was kind of intense. It made me realize that Greg is being treated quite disrespectfully. After all, he's a crucial point in almost every investigation; let's remember how often Grissom is with him, gets some info, and leaves with the idea to solve the case. It's no different with the others, and yes, Greg can be difficult, but he simply doesn't deserve this treatment.

Now I've watched one episode in the new format, and it feels like they've changed quite a bit here. We've already mentioned the aspect ratio, and as a result, the camera shots of the city feel much more natural and fuller. But even with the individual characters, more is revealed or they are set in scene differently. There's more play with the composition of the individual shots, and it feels like the series has undergone a facelift. The aforementioned lab has also changed; it hasn't received the full glass setup yet, but the somewhat outdated look from the first season is gone. Now, they play even more with the light; through the glass fronts, some shots can be better executed, and characters are often accompanied by the camera when walking through the facility or from one lab to another.

Other actors also have one of their first appearances here, just like back then in Dr. House. So we see an even younger Jeremy Renner and a very young Amanda Righetti, who will later become a regular on The Mentalist. What becomes of Jeremy Renner should be known!

With Paul Millander, who pulled a pretty big rabbit out of his hat in his last episode, we've also dealt with one of the first episode-spanning villains. Tammy is still around, but I found that Paul was much more present, especially because he managed to establish himself as a judge.

Meanwhile, Grissom's hearing impairment has also become noticeable, which will manifest more frequently as the series progresses. I especially like the episode where he reveals that he knows sign language because I really like Deanne Bray. She's always a ray of sunshine when I see her in a series, and it's fun to watch her speak or gesture in sign language. I just saw that she's also in Heroes for a longer period (9 episodes). Luckily, this series is also still on my rewatch list.

Now that we're practically in full throttle, because Doc Robbins and Super Dave are fully on board, along with Archie, who used to sit behind the cameras at a university and now works in his role as Archie in the CSI, we can really get started. My brain is already being flooded with wild memories, and I'm more excited than ever that I started this rewatch.

And don't worry, I haven't forgotten that we've already had the pleasure of meeting the charming Lady Heather. But I'll save that for the next post because we know there's still a lot more to come.

#csi #csi las vegas #crime scene investigation #nick stokes #catherine willows #gil grissom #warrick brown #sara sidle #greg sanders #csi vegas #csi lv #tvshow #tv show #tv shows

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woodsfae · 1 year ago

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B5 s03e07 Exogenesis table of contents • previous episode

I try to pay attention to ships' names because they can give hints to the nature of a character or a thematic element, but today's is pretty oblique. The shuttle Dyson. Is it for Dyson physics? The interactions of quantum elements with physical matter from a quick wikipedia romp. Or is it another dyson that I don't know the reference for? Fun theorizing.

This newly minted Lieutenant seems plot-relevant!

Marcus the Ranger is hanging out on B5, it seems. I wonder if it's one of those times they talk about someone to remind the audience they exist, but they don't show up in the episode.

Yikes! The Dyson people are doing weird alien bugs melding into humans shit. Dr Franklin's probably gonna do more coke-fueled medical work.

Corwin the new Lieutenant is going to get Susan Ivanova's best subtle grilling as to his allegiances. Can't wait. But till then, some Marcus harassing a sleeping vendor by quoting the Scottish play to him.

And then a meeting with another Ranger who gives him the funniest information report imaginable. Not so much sharing information as making sly allusions to what may be. Funny and dramatic. It is interesting seeing Marcus work. He's like a local liaison, coordinator, recruiter, and information gathered all at once. I guess you have to wear a lot of different hats when you're in a small start-up with limited staff and a ever-widening scope.

I love the sheer medical garb and ppe, and also like the new mesh arm and shoulder layer Dr Franklin is modeling. Also like the 3d imager! The alien bug is now wrapped around the dead guy's spinal column and is imaged like criss-crossing threads. I enjoy this medical mystery for Dr Franklin. He could use some enrichment, and if there aren't mass causalities it might be almost relaxing for him.

Looks like Marcus's absent colleague/contact has fallen in with a new crowd. A crowd of people all infected with this new-to-Stephen parasite? What would a parasite's agenda even be? And the vendor who wasn't feeling well is missing as well.

Listen new Lieutenant. Listen to me closely. Susan Ivanova is not hitting on you right now. She is the second in command of Babylon 5. Obviously she wants to informally assess a new Lieutenant under her command!

Funny that Garibaldi was enthused about the idea of hanging with Marcus and inviting him to things, but now that Marcus himself is asking him to do something, he doesn't wanna hang. And I actually laughed at Marcus's clever wordplay. He didn't lie at all, but strongly suggested that Garibaldi cares a lot about the issue and is asking Dr Franklin to help Marcus. He must have studied at the same Aes Sedai school as Delenn!

Shenanigans are afoot at the old vendor's quarters! His shirt is all jacked up and his back is pulsing! I don't like that! Or all the parasite-distributers with guns.

Stephen and Marcus are asking the same questions I am. What are the parasites' motives? What are their aims? What are their actual effects on the humans?

Dr Franklin thinks the parasite takes control of their neural system. I wonder if they are trying to transport themselves somewhere, or survive somehow. Garibaldi's point about why they would be targeting people from Down Below is a good one.

Marcus is sassy! I like him. He's very roguish. He and Dr Franklin will be fine. I hope they enjoy their field trip together!

I hope Susan is fucking with this guy right now. Just tormenting him over the roses because he panicked and lied and said he found them lying on her doorstep.

An unsettling conversation with the person who says he "was once Duncan, but is now Vindrizi." And he says they are just trying to survive. dun dun! This still has the potential to be a mostly enriching field trip for Dr Franklin. And it's a great further introduction to Marcus. I like him tremendously.

Susan's testing the insubordinate waters is kinda sorta subtle. But she does get the necessary information. He would report another officer whom he say speaking or acting against Earthdome. They will have to work around him!

Oooooh, gossiping about Susan Ivanova! Franklin likes her. Marcus is concerned that she seems more distant now than when he first came on board.

Marcus: "I sense in her a key as yet unturned." Dr Franklin: "What does that mean?" Marcus: "I don't know, but I think it will be fascinating to find out."

dude is just saying allegorical things and then admitting he doesn't even know why he thinks that. Lol. But somehow it's charming?? What a little smartass (affectionate). Dr Franklin thinks so, too. And I love that they're failing the reverse bechdel test (I jest, I jest).

Stephen is right that Marcus is not Ivanova's type. We all her know her type is blond and telepathic with a tortured backstory.

This has been a very fun plot. Stephen has two patients in one, and Marcus just took out two guards in one plot! And got Stephen's Link and triggered a security protocol! Finally, some backup is on the way. There's just enough time for Marcus and Stephen to discover the aliens' tragic backstory and suddenly be required to negotiate for their safe passage to the recently-arrived security team. But they do have wrap up their little prison break first!

Aha! Information sharing! The person who was once Duncan says that all the humans there volunteered, and that they will all have a better life this way.

Aww, and they have a hell of a backstory! Less tragic, and more epic. Living histories. Less parasites, and more a holy order of record-keepers.

This is a wonderful little story. Very epic. Another of those cool details of worldbuilding. Also it's fucking hilarious how Stephen Franklin is like "I will only allow this if I get to medically oversee it every step of the way."

Oh, and here does come the tragedy. Duncan's…symbiote? left him so Duncan could convince Marcus and Stephen they were telling the truth, but the separation caused damage and he wouldn't be able to rejoin without permanent damage. But at least he feels inspired to go really live and see some amazing things with the rest of his life. And I think he's wise to say that we should all wake up and decide to be special.

Lol, Susan wasn't fucking with the Lieutenant Corwin about the roses. Inadvertently, that guy has played a hell of a prank on both her and Marcus! Hah!

Ivanova, throwing the roses on the bar: "Keep em!" Marcus, beaming and picking them up: "Thanks! I will!"

Really laughed hard at that one.

Alright, I'm starting to see where some of you acquired your crushes on Marcus! He's cute and charming! And very nonthreatening. I wouldn't mind being buds with him. He seems genuinely really an entertaining person to hang out with.

This was overall an interesting and fun episode. I enjoyed theorizing about it. I can't discern a connection between the name of the shuttle the symbiote record keepers arrived in and any plot. If you have thoughts on that let me know! It also isn't often you see symbiotic relationships with bug-like critters. I know now that DS9 was accused of lifting a lot of details from the original B5 pitch, but I wonder if this isn't a nod back the other way, especially since Trill symbiotes were introduced in TNG, which predated the B5 pitch if I'm not mistaken.

next episode

#woodsfae b5 #marcus cole #stephen franklin #michael garibaldi #susan ivanova #vindrizi #babylon 5

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eponymous-rose · 9 months ago

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It's a fairly busy week, and this kind of thing always helps me stay on-task - here's the day in a nutshell.

7am: Wake up (groggily) - I've found that I like having extra time in the morning, especially early in the week. Cuddles with Clara the cat, a little yoga (I have accumulated enough broken bones and scars that being totally sedentary means my whole body promptly turns to stone), shower, a nice breakfast and coffee while I catch up on work e-mails. A scientist from Switzerland who wants to do a two-year postdoc with me has sent me a document summarizing the research ideas we discussed at our last meeting! It's very neat stuff, and we're going to be putting together an application in the summer to get the full two years funded externally.

9am: Dry hair and set off to work! Manage to catch the 9:20 bus and have a chill commute to campus. Check e-mail again on my way into the building and realize our facilities manager has responded to an earlier e-mail, so I detour to his machine shop and chat a bit about the issue (I'm teaching an instrumentation class this quarter, and one of my students has been having trouble with her datalogger). He gives me a new USB cord, so I jog upstairs to try it out - no luck, just empty com ports and error messages galore :(. I also check out some of the hardware, but there are no suggestively bent pins or anything to give clues as to what's happening, and it looks like the console has stopped remote readings altogether. At a bit of a loss, I send him an update and head down to the lounge to get some hot water for my tea, then sit upstairs and quickly skim through the slides for today's lecture, which I haven't actually seen since last year. While I'm doing that, our facilities manager comes up with a fresh new datalogger and offers to configure it for me while I'm in class!

10:30am: Class goes well! We talk about some fun topics that are near and dear to my heart, and while everyone is a little on the shy and less-talkative side today, two different people are brave enough to confirm they got the right answer for the in-class exercise. Early on, the facilities manager comes in with the fresh datalogger, and I hand it off to the relieved student. Hopefully this does the trick! I get through my slides a few minutes early (probably because of the aforementioned quietness), which gives me time before my next meeting to quickly post grades for the students who gave an in-class presentation on Friday, as well as to link to the cloud recording of today's lecture.

11:30am: Research meeting! A colleague and I are co-advising an undergraduate research intern on a project we're seeking funding for (and have just hired a graduate student onto). She's progressing really nicely and just had a couple questions about a polar stereographic projection she was working on ("Is it meant to look that weird?" "Yes, absolutely."). We got her pointed in the right direction for the next couple of weeks, then raided my candy bowl and hung around a couple minutes chatting about how her classes are going. As she and my colleague leave, I see a message from the student with the troublesome datalogger confirming that the new one works! Whew. I send the victorious news to our facilities manager, with my endless thanks. The meeting wrapped up quickly, so I have time to munch on a protein bar (I usually pack a lunch, but I know I'm going out for a big dinner tonight) and enjoy my tea.

I'm a little nervous about a class I'm teaching next quarter - it's a really specialized grad-level class and if it gets fewer than 5 students, it gets canceled. Currently nobody is registered at all. On my colleague's advice, I put together an e-mail to all the grad students to let them know what the course has to offer.

I still have some time before my next calendar item, so I jump into the early stages of a scientific journal review due on Friday. It's a bit of an annoying process - it was originally rejected, and I got brought onto the resubmission when it was a long-ass paper plus 100 pages of replies to reviewers, and now we've made it through TWO MORE ROUNDS of reviews, so it's basically just a giant novel-sized mess of people yelling at each other. But it's gonna get done!

Just as I'm getting into the swing of things, two of my students pop by and stand in the hallway giggling nervously. Apparently they can't find their TA for another class and have a question about class material, so they figured they'd ask me instead - I gently redirect them to, you know, the professor of that course. "Yeah, but we're scared of him," they say, and I try not to die laughing with the knowledge that his wife is in the office next door to me hearing all this. Mixed feelings on this one - on the one hand, I'm glad my students see me as someone they can come to with questions. On the other, it's a time crunch on me that my old-white-dude colleagues don't have to contend with. They eventually head off in search of their professor while I go upstairs for...

12:30pm: Forecast briefing! We have weekly meetings for a national weather forecasting competition we're all in - it involves issuing 4 forecasts a week. I'm... okay at it (usually in the top quarter of competitors, at least beating the models), but we have some RIDICULOUSLY talented forecasters in our group. Today's briefing is entertaining enough, and we all squabble over where we want to forecast next week (the ~1000 participants vote on the city).

1:30pm: Research meeting! This one is with my most junior graduate student, who's a bit overwhelmed with coursework (the first year of our Master's degree is 9 extremely difficult courses before they finally get to do research full-time). We talk through it a bit and he asks for my advice on project/time management, so we chat about pomodoros, the Star Trek Scotty method (always give yourself a buffer and act as though things are going to take more time than they really will), and not writing the entire day off if you wind up doing nothing all morning - you can still hit a reset switch and have a busy afternoon if you need to. Just generally "be kind to yourself, because in the end the self-imposed guilt of not finishing something will stop you from progressing more than anything else." We also talk organizing code and avoiding hard-coding even when it makes the initial time investment much higher. It's a good chat, ending with some restaurant recommendations when he finds out I'm heading to his hometown this weekend! We wrap up early with some specific goals for the next couple weeks, and, after sending in my forecasts for the day, I get back to my review. I also order 5 lbs of candy to refill my candy bowls. It's been that kind of quarter. An e-mail comes in from a student interested in my course and asking for more info! She confirms she's probably going to take it, after consulting with her advisor. Heard from another colleague that she's got one student interested - two down, three to go!

2:30pm: Research meeting! How obvious is it that I like to front-load my week with meetings? This one's with a freshman undergraduate student who's started working with me as a research assistant on a new project... except the project we were originally going to work on together is going very very slowly (our collaborators at a different university are dragging their heels). He met with my PhD student a while back and got really interested in his work, and he apparently knows more than enough coding to be able to follow along, so I went ahead and got him access to 300,000 core hours and 1,000 GPU hours on a national supercomputer to do some exploratory data analysis. As you do. Tragically, the initial project also only works on PCs, and he's a Mac user, so that's another reason to pull him off one project and onto the other. Alas. The project he can't do is a SUPER appealing project to me (very repetitive, boring work that requires little brain-power - please let me do this from time to time!), so I might participate for the heck of it. Meeting ends a little early, so it's back to the review.

3:30pm: We're hiring! It's a dual hire with another department, so it's been a bit fraught, but the grueling two-day interviews roll on. This is number 3/5, so we're getting into the swing of things, and it's time to go attend the public seminar portion of the interview for this candidate. He is... absolutely astonishing on paper, like a once-in-a-generation kind of mind, so I'm already excited to see his talk. We'd be incredibly lucky to have him, although I'm not entirely clear on why he's leaving a super prestigious professorship two years in. I didn't get to schedule a one-on-one meeting with him since he has to leave earlier than expected tomorrow, but I'll be joining him for dinner tonight. The talk goes quite well, although I hear the students buzzing over whether he's genuinely collaborating or just doing the tech-bro thing of coming in and claiming to solve all our problems... Plenty to think about at dinner tonight. I believe this will be what the kids call a vibe check. (We also have a chalk talk tomorrow where he'll present his work to just the faculty + postdocs, so more chances there!)

5pm: Got some time to kill before heading over to dinner at 5:45. I was originally going to do some work, but my brain is a little fried at this point and I may just zone out and scroll for an hour. More tea! That'll solve everything.

5:45pm: Meeting a colleague to go grab the candidate and Uber over to the restaurant together - I love this place! Lots of good food, and plenty of non-alcoholic cocktails and veggie/vegan/gluten-free options, so an ideal spot to bring a guest speaker or faculty candidate. He was very pleasant to chat with and really knew his stuff despite having just had an exhausting day. Good food, good chats all around. Home by 9:30pm, phew.

#eponymous academia tag

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