#i also have a lot of thoughts about anders and how the first chat you have with is about the mage's oppression

[sexysecy69]

Ok so i finally started playing Awakening and got to the recluting Nathaniel Howe part and in my head the dialogue went like this

Nathaniel: do you really want a grey warden who wants you dead?

My warden Tabris, who barely remembers who the fuck Arl Howe was, the same woman who also fucked the elf assassin sent to kill her: wouldn't be the first time

[thingsidrawgohere]

I just finished my first run of DA4 and let me say- I probably got my money's worth. If one wants to view the experience via a purely mercantile lens. I found many bits of cheese and touched the insides of many angry creatures. But if one wishes to frame the thing as Art- Hell, if one wants to solely discuss it as the Fourth in a series of lore-dense, narrative RPGs, then, Cousin, We've Got Problems. Three interconnected niggling ideas that kinda all lead to the conclusion- for me, at least- that modern design practices simply do not trust the player. News flash, right?

Anyways, I think I'm going to have some thoughts on this subject to avoid other thoughts, thank you.

Full-Throated Spoilers Beyond. And a lot of them. It's long.

Idea 1: DA2 is my favorite of the series. That's not the problem; it's the setup. I know what I'm about and it's interesting characters interacting over time. Flawed characters. Abrasive, opinionated, STUPID ASS ANDERS characters. The story was scaled well for a handful of total losers and it was political. The most humanly political of all the games, I think. That's a very low bar, particularly for AAA, but it felt better to stand in a street, to be personally effected by events, than to look at a literal map of icons and notes and distant decisions as in DA3. It's important, I think, for DA to be about Being, Getting Dirty. You aren't a king. You shouldn't be.

Side Note 1: DA2 is a fucking miracle. The old gag that FO New Vegas, blessed be, was made in 18 months is trotted out to display Can-Do Attitude and DEEPLY unethical labor practices. DA2 got less time, fewer reusable assets (due to a different art style), and had to rebuild most of the engine. A. Miracle.

DA4, on the other hand, has a series of supportive, well-adapted people who have all worked very hard on themselves in therapy and know all the fucking right words to say. They chat with one another with kindness and sober fondness. In the One Instance of interpersonal friction, it is resolved with grace and speed. I find this Horrid. They fucking forgot to give these people negative traits. It's likability slurry. They experience no hard growth, hold no horseshit ideas, suffer no lingering doubts. It's not only unnatural but it's lifeless. It becomes Written. I can see the fucking author waving at me. I've got a note from my run that reads 'Rook told the man who is forcibly living inside his head "Thank you sharing that" and I want to scream.'

And that would be bad enough except the ideas are there. You've got a reluctant father story. Someone trapped between two cultures. A older man, already terrified of aging, of death, taking a Much Younger lover. That's Fucking Meat. I can see the writers straining against something but what they deliver is still person-shaped missed opportunities that repeat, that repeat, that repeat. It's So Frustrating. There's flashes of Good Writing. Of good character beats. But Also- from my notes, a character had just held her brother as he died, inexplicably for a second time, and Rook gives her a little pep talk that ends with him asking "You good?"

And the fucking woman says "I'm good" in response. She seemed to mean it.

How does one- react to that as a viewer? I told a man who wanted to be a lich more than anything to Not and he was cool with it. He never brought up being a lich again. He wasn't even upset. I let a man's city die and he's like I Get It, Bro. No Harsh Vibes. It rings hollow.

Talking over Solas' memories, collectively pulling out the meaning behind them- that was some of the best characters-interacting writing in the whole thing. And it's HOURS into the game. A shame.

Side Note 2: A lot of a loved-one death as motivation in this old refrigerator. If you get a name and one line, Oh Boy Brother, you are prolly gonna die bad. Lazy.

If I'm going to talk about Emmrich, let's talk about his romance. I honestly thought it was bugged. I Am playing through another run as a comparative but Wow. Larian and BG3 absolutely reconfigured what's acceptable in these types of story beats. This particular romance felt regressive, in a sense. Like a last minute addition. The very definition of love coins. No charisma or honest affection between the characters. Nothing allowed to percolate (more on that in a second). Just- now you are ROMANCED. Which means on the Blue Moon instance he has anything to say regarding being in a relationship, the best you can get is a 'dearest' at the end of a sentence. I was Excited by the idea of Emmrich really struggling with a May/December situation but he Doesn't. He has a few lines implying that he Could but it leads nowhere.

And they fuck in a coffin (???) and it's not even hot (!!!). Unforgivable. Double Unforgivable. I heard there was spice in this game? This is baking soda.

Related, a few lines awkwardly dodged the question of Emmrich's previous relationships and I have an inkling, without experiencing the other romances, that this is the world's largest case of gun-shy after the backlash with DA3's non-playersexual romances. This man can not be confirmed to be Anything but Into Rook, whatever they might be. There was also a throwaway line with Taash how she prefers women and that's as much as I saw of explicit preferences. I don't envy anyone trying to address the rabidity of fandom but it feels like unnecessary acrobatics.

Side Oh No: It's so bad that I'm honestly thinking of doing a fixit fic regarding the romance/character writing. And God, I can't right now. I have to finish my other project first.

Idea 2: The pacing. That's what ruins so much. There was a scene of a gnarled, fucked-up gate, torn from its hinges. And my guy says "Something Big must have torn apart that gate" all ominous, building a sense of- Nope. The very big darkspawn is standing ten feet away on the other side. I hadn't even swung the camera around the hall to see it before my guy goes "That big darkspawn must have torn apart the gate!"

Yes, I know there's an issue in open world games these days wherein devs are allergic to a player's millisecond of not knowing where to go but this feels applicable across the whole game. A problem isn't allowed to fester. It is brought to attention and then swiftly dealt with. If there's a locked door, a difficult decision, a feeling beyond Protestant determination, it will be dealt with, Post Fucking Haste. It's like the game doesn't trust the player to hold tension.

This happens not just in barks or small set pieces. Whole arcs work this way. Like Harding's longterm personal quest. She gets a handful of lines about feeling vaguely angry or perhaps thinking she Should be More angry about Lore Dump Retcon and then at her culmination, she's fighting her own anger. A vicious, hot, searing thing- and it wasn't earned. At all. There was room to telegraph this theme, bury it in the dirt to let grow roots. They didn't. One Line was given about her people pleasing tendencies And she's not really shown to be people pleasing to her own detriment. This is Chekhov's Gun in running shoes. It doesn't work. It feels like it comes out of left field.

Hell, there was a mission that was like SURVIVE IF YOU CAN and it was like- literally a long hallway. The Pacing is all Off.

Idea 3: I don't like that I must do this but DA4 doesn't understand its own flavor. The One Thing you Cannot Do is have Minrathous, the city of slaves and blood mages, seem nice. Particularly in the poor parts of town. You Cannot have the Crows be a lovely dovey band of scamps. You Cannot have the Blight be reversible. You Cannot CANNOT say "elves have it pretty good" as my Elvish Rook said with his face flaps. No. NO. You Cannot side-step the politics of this setting. These are the bones on which these characters are hung. To lessen the world is to lessen, to decomplexify them.

You know what my elf didn't hear in the town that canonically trades in bodies that look his? Knife ear. Eh to fantasy slurs but my point is no one said a cross word to my guy. The Qunari living in the town that had been warring with the Qunari for Centuries seemed totes fine. There were no alienages. There were no proper templars- even from other regions. No Mage Circles. No mage issues at all. Hardly anything whatsoever regarding the Chantry or Andrastianism, even as the game takes place in the Super Anti-Pope town. I had a literal demon-possessed man in my party and the world did not react.

I had a friend describe this Thedas as feeling smoothed out and Yeah. It feels like all the nasty bumps have been deemed undesirable. I don't know what to make of it. Is this simply taking the world in a different direction? Is it a mandate to tone down the unpleasantness, for sales? A shift in design ethos? Is this a sign of a very troubled project as it was with Andromeda?

I don't know. Is this still a Dragon Age game without its politics? There's enough here for me to wonder if Bioware is even Bioware anymore. There's a TREMENDOUS amount of work, of skill in DA4. Just Absurd. The environments are thick, Thicc. But work alone is not a virtue. Have we ship of Theseus'd so far that the people- the real people, not the logos- who have interests aligned with what made DA1 special are no longer there? Something went wrong with this project, narratively. Something I don't know how to fix without addressing basement level assumptions I'm clearly not privy to. I hope they can.

Final Thoughts: Game development is a fucking hole into which one pours one's relationships, time, and health, physical, mental both. It gives satisfaction very rarely. They shipped. In that way, huge success. It's not even, fundamentally, a 'bad game'. But it is a victim of a modern philosophy of pre-chewed ideas and player distrust. VGs are ultimately a business and, in these last few years, there's been a unimaginable devastation to the workers in the industry- even as the money flows ever upward. The desire to sell well has morphed into a NEED to sell well, even among the 'kept' studios. Big studios, Grand Dame Studios sitting on top of past critical and financial successes, been killed by their overlords recently. No one is safe. It's suddenly quite dangerous for large studios to make anything remotely niche, remotely unclear and Bioware has both Andromeda And Anthem under its belt. They're probably feeling the pinch. They needed a hit and hits, these days, are increasingly smooth. And DA4 is very smooth.

That's just my feeling on the matter. I'll see what a second run yields.

Smaller thoughts:

I don't care about the combat but that was- odd. The illusion of depth with all the skill trees and types of damage and subsystems of attack- all boiling down to a one button push. It's odd. I played rogue on PC so perhaps it's different for other classes, on console. But I pressed the button at the man and when I got a halo, I pressed another button and then pressed the first button again. No matter where I was on the skill tree, it never changed, never felt different. I don't know. It felt. Odd?

There was a Honest To God "It's quiet- Too quiet" and it just Happened. I would have pulled out every one of my teeth to avoid that. I get the jokey-okey but fuck, man.

Where's the chest hair? WHERE? Body hair? ANYTHING? Davrin has plastic chest. It's freaky.

Gloom Howler Gloom Howler Gloom Howler. Frankly, that whole storyline had a large gulg of the farcical. I laughed my ass entirely off when, upon her defeat, the Gloom Howler said "I'm sorry" and took a nap so hard that the scene wiped to 'some time later'. That was insane editing. PACING. And- naming. Gloom Howler. Gloom. Howler.

Teeth. Dear God, the teeth.

The devs were in a real pickle here, no doubt. My great sympathies. There's an Overwhelming abundance of world states that DA3 could have left on the board and I understand the balancing act between acknowledging the events of older games and staying generic enough DA4 could apply to All of them. Is Cassandra the White Divine? Or is Leliana? It's a nightmare of choices. Any of the people that Could be Divine can not be mentioned without lore issues. Who's on the throne in Orlais? Ferelden? Where's beloved so-and-so? Dorian canonically did return to Minrathous so he can 'safely' appear in game- but he fucking can't talk about Iron Bull, who may or may not be alive. Isabela canonically goes back to piracy but she can't talk about events in Kirkwall because she may not have been there for them. Oof. That's not a lot you are Allowed to acknowledge. The Poor Bastards.

Watched a braid slip off a person's shoulder, organically, as they were talking. Started at the bottom and look where we're at, technologically. And speaking on the technical, a lot of textures didn't load right. For the entire game, my guy's left shoulder armour thing had a much lower rez texture than the rest. Three hard crashes, which isn't the worst. One Wonderful mission wherein Lucanis' hair and his knives were the only bits of him to render.

I'm not touching the non-binary storyline. It was clunky, for sure, but the greatest sin was using Our words. There is canonical words for NGC/NB people in fiction and to not use them shows a fundamental distrust towards the source material and the players both. It's the linguistic version of the quest marker or the barks telling you where to go.

I still don't know how I feel about the dead Varric twist. Feels goofball but he got to hang out in his little pajamas. I wish I was in little pajamas.

Solas was pretty fucking tight but I think a lot of that was due to his VA. Something about the voice direction, in general, felt- flat? But old Solas was doing it good.

Ending. God, I get it. People are tired and satisfying endings are hard. And DLC exists, more cynically. But Hells Bells, I'm getting to the point wherein even the slideshow is annoying. Give me a fucking Ending to the Choice Game. Don't you fucking 'Spider-Man Will Return' at me, you bastard. I'm a child of fucking god.

Yes, I got the secret ending. I know. That was Also bullshit.

I feel better getting that all out of my system. Thank you for sharing that.

[sage-nebula]

Found this Dragon Age Protagonists Questions post and decided to fill it out for my own Dragon Age OCs from each game. The original post only includes the protagonists from the first three games (since Veilguard wasn't out yet), but I'm going to include my Rook as well since I love her. I also may rewrite the questions a bit, either to condense them or otherwise add in Rook. (And some questions will be skipped, also, either because I can't or don't want to answer them.)

So without further ado . . .

The Cast:

- Warden Lyra Mahariel

- Briar Hawke

- Inquisitor Lucia Trevelyan

- Thalia "Rook" Mercar

1.) What would your protagonists all think of each other?

Lyra: "I like Hawke. She's funny, and not afraid to do what has to be done. Trevelyan is weak, and as annoying as humans come. Thalia's fine, but it's a shame she didn't get to grow up among the Dalish."

Briar: "Good on Lyra for saving Ferelden, and it's fine that she's grumpy; I'm used to that from Fenris. Lucia is all right, I suppose; though anyone that close to the chantry can't be all that trustworthy, can they? I really like Thalia; she reminds me a lot of myself when I was younger. Hope that naivete doesn't come to bite her, though."

Lucia: "The Hero of Ferelden is, well . . . a hero. She managed to save Ferelden and not die killing an archdemon somehow. She's amazing. Hawke is . . . Varric's friend. His best friend. But she's kind of shady, don't you think? And Thalia . . . I thought she understood. I thought we were the same, but she didn't even try to talk Solas down in the end . . . I don't know that I've ever felt so betrayed."

Thalia: "Lyra could stand to relax a little. Scowling that much can't be good for her face. Briar's the best; she gets it, you know? She knows exactly what it is to be in these fuck-ass situations. And Lucia . . . I can't believe she'd still think Solas could've been talked down, after all that. After what he did to Varric. What is wrong with her?"

2.) What do they think about each other's love interests?

Lyra: "Isabella is fun, and not afraid to get her hands dirty. She gets a pass from me. Josephine is a human bureaucrat; she cannot and should not be trusted. Davrin is Dalish, he has griffons, he is devastatingly attractive -- where was he during the fifth Blight? Could we rewind the clock so I could trade Alistair's ungrateful ass for him? 'Going down a dark path' -- that ritual saved both our lives and you agreed, you twit."

Briar: "Zevran's a riot; Isabella has good taste in friends. Josephine seems nice enough, and I like her well enough for that, but it's never a bad idea to be careful of what you say around someone like her. Davrin's a bit gruff around the edges, but again, I'm used to that from Fenris and a bit of Anders. His griffon's a cutie, too."

Lucia: "Zevran is an assassin; one of the Crows. I don't feel comfortable around him. Isabella also makes me uncomfortable, though for a different reason; I've never met anyone who talks so dirty like that, and in public! And to me . . . and how gorgeous she is . . . oh Maker, I can feel my face on fire just thinking about her . . . Davrin is a good man. Brave and honorable. He would have been an asset to the Inquisition."

Thalia: "Zevran is funny! But is what he said about the Crows and what they do to children true? I need to have a chat with Lucanis after speaking with Zevran. The Lords of Fortune couldn't be more lucky with a leader than they are with Isabella; she's a riot like Zevran is. Josephine is warm and kind; I think anyone would feel comfortable in a presence like hers."

3.) Are your Inquisitor and Rook jealous of the Warden's and Hawke's mabari hounds?

Lucia: "No. Mabari are fine from a distance, but they're rather loud, and Skyhold has enough animals as it is."

Thalia: "You have no idea. There's no such thing as too many animals. Still a bit miffed we couldn't bring Assan's siblings back to the Lighthouse."

4.) Combat classes and specializations?

Three rogues and a mage, and the specializations are as follows:

Lyra learned to be both an assassin from Zevran, and a bard from Leliana. Her focus was on ending fights as quickly as possible, by any means necessary. She used both her bow and blades as needed.

Briar focused only on blades, and went for both assassin and shadow. Her focus was being the one to do the hitting, fast and hard, rather than being hit.

Lucia was only ever an archer, and went for the artificer specialization, preferring to lay traps to hinder her enemies and give her more time to shoot them.

Thalia, as a Shadow Dragon, specialized as an Evoker, focusing on entropy and ice magic. She has a staff, but is equally skilled with an orb and spellblade.

5.) What do the others think of what happened in Kirkwall? Would they have supported Hawke's decisions?

Lyra: "Kirkwall is a cesspit and everyone in power there should be gutted like fish. Anders was right to do what he did and I only wish I had been there to help. Hawke should have helped more than she did."

Lucia: "Kirkwall is tragic, but that doesn't mean acts of terrorism are all right. I don't believe in capital punishment if it could be avoided, but Anders should have been arrested."

Thalia: "Where are Kirkwall's Shadow Dragons? The people should rise up and form their own Shadow Dragons there, to root out the corruption and make a difference. I don't think anyone should blame Anders for what he did; it's the least those in power there should have expected."

6.) Would the others have accepted the role of Inquisitor?

Lyra: "Fuck no."

Briar: "No."

Thalia: "If I had to, but would they seriously ask me? Me? You're really telling me there's no one else?"

7.) Do they share the same opinions on the Chantry?

Lyra: "The chantry is a joke, and so is their Maker."

Briar: "If there is one thing living in Kirkwall taught me, it's that the Chantry can't be trusted."

Lucia: "The chantry wants what's best for everyone. Even if there are a few bad apples, the whole chantry shouldn't be stroked by that same brush."

Thalia: "I don't care about the chantry, honestly."

8.) Do they share the same opinions on mage rights?

Lyra: "Everyone should be free, regardless of their birth. If the mages want assistance killing their oppressors, they need only ask."

Briar: "My father and little sister were apostates, and so are two good friends of mine. What do you think?"

Lucia: "Kirkwall's Circle was bad, but that was the exception to the rule, wasn't it? I don't think mages are all bad or dangerous, and Circles should be healthy and safe places. I think both things can be true."

Thalia: "It's hard to imagine mages not having rights. Couldn't they just set someone on fire if they felt they were disrespected? Seems to happen often enough in Tevinter. And honestly, good for them if the alternative is being made slave, locked away in some 'circle' or whatever they call them down south. Seriously, what is up with that?"

9.) Do they share the same opinions on blood magic?

Lyra: "If you're using it to enslave someone, fuck off. Otherwise, I don't care so long as elves or halla aren't your sacrifices."

Briar: "Merrill is the only valid blood mage."

Lucia: "Blood magic is evil."

Thalia: "Blood magic is the magic of the enemy. The mages among the Shadow Dragons do not have need of it, and do not use it."

10.) Do they have the same opinion on The Game?

Lyra: "'The Game' is literally too stupid for me to care about."

Briar: "Seems like a lot of petty bullshit those in power do to avoid having to do any actual work for the people."

Lucia: "It's fascinating, and takes great skill. Josie's ability to navigate it is enchanting."

Thalia: "They can play if they want, but if they start playing to make people suffer, that's when the Shadows come to call."

11.) Who would they have romanced from the other's choices?

Lyra: Fenris from Kirkwall, Leliana* from Skyhold, and Davrin from the Lighthouse.

Briar: Zevran from Ferelden, Iron Bull from Skyhold, and Neve from the Lighthouse.

Lucia: Leliana from Ferelden, Merrill** from Kirkwall, and Bellara from the Lighthouse.

Thalia: Alistair from Ferelden, Isabela from Kirkwall, Sera from Skyhold.

*Leliana is not normally a romance option in DAI, but would be for Lyra since they have prior history. They weren't compatible in DAO, but they are now.

**Lucia would be able to grow past her anti-blood magic biases if she got to know Merrill.

12.) If Origins and Inquisition had the three personalities (blue/diplomatic, purple/sarcastic, and red/aggressive), which ones would they have? And what did your Hawke and Rook have?

Lyra: Red/Aggressive

Briar: Purple/Sarcastic

Lucia: Blue/Diplomatic

Thalia: Purple/Sarcastic

13.) What is the biggest similarity between your protagonists?

None of them asked for this ("this" being their quest).

14.) Who handles responsibility the best? Who handles it the worst?

The worst is probably Lyra, because she doesn't want it and will fight against it every step of the way. It's rotten work, especially to her and especially if it's the fate of the world. She'll do it, but Mythal alive.

The best is Lucia, who although she didn't ask to be made leader of the Inquisition, ended up happy there and handling it very well.

15.) Do they share any of the same hobbies?

Lyra and Briar both like to steal. Lucia and Thalia can both play musical instruments (piano for Lucia, violin for Thalia).

16.) How old were they at the start of their journeys? Looking back, would they make any major choices differently?

Lyra: 23, and she would have never gone on that treasure expedition with Tamlen if she knew it would end up with her blighted and forced to become a Grey Warden. Other than that, no.

Briar: 17 when leaving Ferelden, and she wishes she had not taken Bethany with her on the Deep Roads expedition with Varric and Bartrand. (Keep in mind she doesn't know this would have ended up with Bethany arrested by Templars.)

Lucia: 24, and no, she thinks she did everything as correctly as she could.

Thalia: 27, and she wishes she would have convinced Varric to not try to talk Solas down, or that she could have warned Varric somehow that Solas would hurt him, or something.

17.) How do each of your protagonists handle loss?

Lyra: Vengeance.

Briar: Heavy drinking.

Lucia: Lots of crying, and prayers to the Maker.

Thalia: Distractions, lots of distractions.

18.) What is / was their relationship like with their family?

Lyra: Her parents died when she was too young to remember them, but she considered her whole clan to be her family. She loves them dearly still, and misses them strongly.

Briar: Loved her father dearly, and had a great relationship with him. Loved her mother, but had a much more complicated relationship with her, since Leandra never loved her as much as she loved the twins, and it showed. Loved her younger siblings, though found it harder to get on with Carver due to his resentment toward her having their father's favor. Had a very strong relationship with Bethany, though, until Bethany blamed Briar for pushing her into the arms of the Grey Wardens after she was blighted.

Lucia: Had a wonderful childhood. Wasn't the heir and so was allowed much more freedom to do as she wanted (hence taking up archery), but became the pride and joy of the family after she became Inquisitor.

Thalia: Has a complicated relationship with her parents. They love her as their only child, and she does love them, but although they felt themselves very progressive for adopting an elven child and not treating her as a servant or slave, they also didn't correct people out in public who made that assumption, and their "it doesn't matter what they think" attitude didn't make Thalia feel better about it. They got her books and scrolls on elven history, but made sure to tell her that the Dalish gods weren't real anyway and that they were just nice fairy tales; only the Maker was real. (Joke was on them, Thalia didn't believe in any of them.) They were upset any time Thalia "acted out" in trying to discover her own personality. They wouldn't join her in learning elvish, etc. She left home at seventeen and joined the Shadow Dragons shortly after, and though she feels guilty for how that must have hurt her parents, she still has not gone back.

19.) Do any of your protagonists marry and/or have children?

Lyra: No, though she and Zevran do stay committed to each other for many years.

Briar: Also no; her relationship with Isabela is on-again, off-again.

Lucia: Yes; she and Josephine get married (and it does not take ten years to do so) and adopt three children.

Thalia: Yes; she and Neve elope, though they don't have children. Instead, they are the DINK aunts who bring the gift reckoning on their friends' kids.

20.) What would their fears on the graves in Here Lies the Abyss be?

Lyra: Being bound in slavery.

Briar: Bethany dying because of her.

Lucia: Being the one who actually doomed the world.

Thalia: Getting her team killed with her faulty leadership.

21.) How do they each feel about the Deep Roads?

Lyra: "Why are we always in the gods-damned fucking Deep Roads?"

Briar: "Fuck the Deep Roads."

Lucia: "The Deep Roads are frightening . . ."

Thalia: "The Deep Roads are both interesting and exciting."

[still-a-morosexual-help]

Ohh Mammon would be so devastated, and others too, LET ME JOKE ABOUT DEATH also if I remember correctly, angels and Solomon didn't know about it? Imagine how pissed will be Luke and Simeon, I don't know why, but I think that Simeon will be really angry. About Solomon not sure, he's started to warm at the end of season 2, BUT still Although for my MC, he was closer to her, than bros in 1 season lol

But honestly, I would like have a scene, where MC talk about it with Mammon, or maybe Lucifer. BUT BETTER MAMMON. I mean, my MC give up on yourself even before Devildom, BUT GIVE ME COMFORT MAMMON, saw a few works, where he's suffered because he was late and didn't save MC and it was heartbreaking( I mean other was hurt by this too, but I like to think that Mammon, Lucifer and Beel feeling this much more.

Well, we're all live for the angst. Anders also had a hard time to get closer to Lucifer, bc he reminds her about her mother. That fact make her sick, but slowly, with Mammon's help (he helped just by being by her side. Funny that Anders hates people like Mammon bc they're too loud and active, but boom, you're fell in love with that type. Someone definitely loser lol), she started to like Luci and even others. I mean, she now want to be like him and do everything that he praised her (to displeasure Belphie and Satan lol). And more angst. Anders even refused to call bros by their nickname, and Belphie was really happy, when Anders calls him Belphie in that phone call in hard mode 20 chapter. He's definitely bragging about it.

Damn, I can't, that thing with Devildom food so funny. I mean, at first I thought that Lucifer was prepared something normal for them, but then I remember after this all daily chats, where bros buying MC Devildom's food. Boys?? It didn't bother you??? MC, what a criptyd are you.

YES, NOW I WANT TALE WITH DEVILMC, nyx cmon give us that shit. I mean some games let other MCs meet each other?I want this too in Arcana( Damn, after last chapter, I would... Like to romance Rime, FELIX I'M SORRY

Plus making old MC, you have a lot of material for them lolol that's I writing about Loki a few hundred years before Vesuvia, or after a few decades after canon.

OMG YES, I LOVE ARCANA'S DEATH TOO. They're so funny and chill, I would romance them too lol

I honestly can't remember if the other 3 know about it? I feel maybe Solomon does cause he's very close with Barbatos & Asmo and they both trust him so maybe? Luke would be so upset!? And I'm really happy that he doesn't know. I'm not sure how Simeon would react to be honest... I very vaguely remember one of them mentioning MC being Lilith's descendent at some point? Did that actually happen or did I dream that up?

I've touched on their death and Mammon's reaction to it in a few of my fics but never explicitly? But I do have an outline for one that goes into more detail on it, that I'll hopefully post sooner rather than later. While I'm 100% sure Lucifer & Beel would be devastated at MC's death I feel like (if the death was permanent) it wouldn't hit them immediately? Like both their first focus would be Belphie -

Beel because he adores Belphie more than anyone else in the world, and because Belphie has been hurting for so long due to what happened with Lilith and they never really spoke about it, and Because he didn't even realise Belphie was locked up in the same house as him for so long, and because Belphie would probably face consequences for MC's death and that would probably kill Beel - for them to be on opposite sides, knowing Belphie did something bad and hurt someone Beel loved but still wanting to help and protect Belphie and keep him close - just the angst of Beel hurting because of Belphie and feeling guilty because he'd think it's a disservice to MC's memory to care so much about the person who killed them

Lucifer because he'd feel the guilt of not being able to protect more people he cared about, thinking he 'failed' both MC & Belphie the way he 'failed' Lilith, feeling guilty about keeping Belphie and his intentions a secret from Diavolo, he'd internalise it all and think it was his fault and blame himself and he'd probably become harsher to his brothers because now he can't let them slip up even the slightest bit lest he lose another part of his family

Amsktjdks wanting to be praised by the perfectionist, condescending, hardass douchebag in charge is such a real thing.

Also falling in love with someone you swear is not your type again is very relatable

Belphie would be so fucking smug about that😂😂

Right!! MC's 100% okay with Devildom food despite it apparently being inedible to humans in canon?

Nyx Hydra would do such a good Devil! MC game!? I've wanted it for so long! Oh!! You know how The Arcana's MC met Sage? Pls consider Last Legacy's MC meeting Julian or Lucio! They're such a shithead that it would be absolutely hilarious

I don't think I'd be able to handle that much lore😂 I barely know what my Arcana MC was up to during their three years of 'life'

Death, Valdemar & Valerius routes when���🏼👈🏼🥺

[protect-him]

“Ask me again.” for Anders/Fenris? 💜

Alright! I was finally able to finish another one! This one had to simmer a bit, but I finally came up with an idea, and then it just spilled out so fast. I hope you like it! Thank you so much for the prompt!

For @dadrunkwriting

A Tevinter elf and a tall mage with hair like a summer sunset walked into a diner.

The juxtaposition would have been unremarkable if not for the fact that Fenris and Anders were not friends. At least they weren’t friends the last time Varric checked, which was rather recently. He was not one for peeking around corners or watching from a distance. He would much prefer to just walk up and bluntly ask what they were doing walking into his diner together. Normally people went outside to fight, not into reputable establishments. Something held him back. He took a seat in an inconspicuous booth and concealed himself behind a menu. Fortunately, the two seemed preoccupied.

They were both a bit nervous. Fenris had a way of shifting back and forth on his feet when he was uneasy, and Anders was an open book. He was fiddling with his hands, and his hair, and his shirt, picking cat hair off of it. They were seated near one of the windows, at a small table. They sat across from each other, glanced briefly at their menus, and ordered drinks.

Fenris continued to peruse the menu, while Anders took one glance and set his menu down again. He reached for the coffee he was offered desperately and took a long sniff. Fenris wanted more time to decide on food, so the server left again.

“This place looks so much more open in the daytime,” Anders said, glancing towards the inside of the restaurant before turning his eyes to the window. “First time we came here it felt a lot more crowded.”

“There were a lot of us,” Fenris commented, still looking at the menu.

A long awkward pause followed. Anders took frequent sips from his coffee. He had already had one refill by the time they ordered. A large breakfast sampler for Anders, with bacon on the side. A cold cut sandwich for Fenris, without the tomato. And drinks for both.

They talked a little as they ate, rather surprisingly. Their conversation was light and amiable. Asking about Fenris’ work, and then Fenris asking about the clinic. How was Justice? Had Fenris settled in after his move? The stuff Varric would leave out of his story. If he wrote one, of course. He never said he was writing a story, did he? He liked to put in the more exciting parts, the funny details, the drama, the tension. The way… Anders was smiling at Fenris? Varric had to do a quick double take. That’s not the way a person looks at their enemy.

“If you flutter your eyes any harder, your lids will fly off and become butterflies,” Fenris said. But without the vitriol he usually had to his voice. Instead he was smirking. Playfully? That couldn’t be right. Anders huffed, but continued to grin.

“It’s not my fault it’s so bright here by the window,” he said. “Or that you’re just that good looking.”

Varric was starting to worry that he was hallucinating. Perhaps he had keeled over and was having a fever dream.

Fenris hadn’t even tried to deny it.

Varric ordered a drink and a grilled sandwich and settled in to watch, now confident that he wouldn’t be noticed.

Fenris and Anders ate, talked, and grew less nervous as the time went on. Anders finished well before Fenris did. He got a refill of his drink and settled in, still chatting about his cats, and some of the unfortunate side effects of having them, such as fur on the carpets and blankets.

Fenris stopped eating and sat up, looking across the table at Anders.

“Do you remember one of the first questions you asked me?” he said..

Anders puckered his lips around the straw of his drink and took a noisy sip while he thought.

“‘Are you going to finish that?’” He asked. His eyes did drop down to the unfinished sandwich and fries left on Fenris’ plate.

“Not that question,” Fenris said, exasperated. But he slid his plate over and Anders seized the sandwich. “A different question.”

Anders was really thinking now.

“Not when I asked you how you felt about mages?” He grimaced, remembering how badly that had resulted. He hadn’t expected his cheeky attempts at flirting with the elf that Hawke had just introduced to their group would go quite so badly. “Please don’t remind me.”

“Ask me again,” Fenris said. He reached for his cup and directed a challenging stare at the other man as he took a long drink.

“Again?”

Anders looked at the sandwich. “Are you going to finish that?” He guessed, confused.

“The other one.”

“How do you feel about mages?”

“They can be quite dangerous,” Fenris said, folding his arms over the table and launching into his answer immediately. Anders looked worried. Fenris continued. “But so can any person. Mages have also used their talents for good things, and kindness.” His voice softened so that Varric strained to hear. He needed to hear the rest of this.

“Even though some of them talk a lot and can be rather annoying,” Fenris said.

“Hey!” Anders chuckled.

“I think I could rather like a mage, if the opportunity came up,” Fenris concluded. “And the mage was interested, of course.”

“I wouldn’t have flirted with you in the first place if I wasn’t,” Anders said. “That hasn’t changed.”

“I think I have,” Fenris said. “If you’ll still have me.”

Anders was speechless for a moment.

“If I’d known you were going to say something like that I would have worn a nicer shirt,” he finally said. “Course I would like to go out with you. Date you? You’re asking if I’ll date you?”

“Perhaps.”

“Perhaps I’d say yes then.”

“Perhaps we can arrange another meeting then,” Fenris said.

“Perhaps you want to come over to my place,” Anders countered, grinning. For someone who loved cats as much as he did, he certainly did look a bit like an excited puppy at times. He gasped. “You aren’t allergic to cats, are you?!”

“I think I could be convinced to meet the infamous Ser Pounce-A-Lot,” Fenris said. “I am fortunately not allergic. Or perhaps unfortunately.”

“Oh pooey,” Anders said, standing up abruptly and pulling out his wallet. “You and Ser Pounce are both so sassy and independent, I think you’ll get along like old mates. He’ll probably like you more than he likes me!” He went up to the front counter to pay. Fenris downed the last of his drink and stood up to follow Anders. Varric was a bit surprised they hadn’t noticed him, but then Fenris looked directly at him. And smiled.

“Your place then?” He asked Anders, as the mage finished paying.

“Why not?” Anders was blithely unaware of Varric as Fenris took his hand and they walked out together, disappearing around the corner.

Some things, Varric had to admit, were stranger than fiction. Hawke probably wouldn’t even believe him if he told on the two. No, he’d let them decide when to reveal their budding relationship to their friends. And Varric would put it in his next novel. Anders would make an excellent protagonist, after all.

[hockeyshmockey]

Mat Barzal *Day 3 of the 12 days of Christmas*

this one is cute ngl.. also realizing a lot of these imagines are centered and talk about traditions and sorry if it feels repetitive but its something I cherish in my own life so it feels super natural to write about “)

****

You as a New York native could say without a doubt that New York City during the holidays was your favorite time of year ever. Those memories you had as a kid of the first snow of the year, going to see the Rockefeller tree, seeing the light displays. It all only got better when Mat came into your life.

Mat had been in for a real treat that first year you were together. Your obsession with the holidays included Thanskgiving. Once November hit you were laser focused on making sure your apartment was decorated, and of course made sure Mat's was too. You had invited him and Tito both to your parent's place in Staten Island for that Thanksgiving, the boys scared shitless walking into your Italian family home but feeling so welcome, even after Mat was threatened by your uncles and father who had made vague threats of mob connections if he hurt you.

After Thanksgiving came another round of decorating, along with baking, Christmas movies, shopping and all of the activities around New York. That list three years later, also included a charity Gala for the Islanders, the Holiday family skate and party, and more time spent with the Islanders family.

After that first year, you and Mat made it a tradition to go skating at a little family operated rink outside of the city. Anders had introduced you to the rink, and it was never crowded like the ones in the city. So you and Mat every year, would head out to the rink, you would rent skates (you made Mat rent with you to get the full experience), get hot chocolate and skate until you were wobbling like a new born foal.

This year, Mat wanted to add another layer to the experience. After moving in with each other, and several conversations with you about your future together, Mat had made the trip to Staten Island when he came back to the city after the playoffs to sit down with your parents. Your mom had cried, but told him that Mat was the man she had always hoped you would find to spend your life with. Your father had stared Mat down for a while, almost leading Mat to babble uncomfortably, and then your tank of a dad had stood up, indicated for Mat to join him, and had pulled him into a hug and welcomed him to the family.

As December approached, Mat put a date on your calendar to make your trip to the rink. You of course were looking forward to it, as it was one of the best traditions you now had. Little did you know Mat was scheming to have both of your families there. He knew you wouldn't want everyone you knew there, but he also knew that it wouldn't feel right to not have your parents and siblings there as you took the next step in both of your lives.

So he coordinated his parents and Liana's tickets to fly into town. Your mom had offered for the Barzals to stay with them the night before but Mat had booked them a hotel. With his luck that would be one of the times when you popped over to your parents and would run into your families bonding in the living room.

You were woken up that morning with Mat laying on top of you and pressing gentle kisses all over your face to wake you up. "Cmon angel, we have plans today."

"Thirty more minutes?" You pouted up at him as he smiled and got up, grabbing a mug from your side table.

"No honey, you know you like to go early so we can have the rink to ourselves," you sighed and sat up, grabbing the cup of coffee Mat offered you.

Twenty minutes later you were zipping up your boots and grabbing your coat before heading down to Mat's car. The two of you jammed out to Christmas music as you headed out of the city. Some moments, Mat would catch you looking out the window in wonder at the fresh powder that covered the ground from the night before.

Mat pulled into the rink and was pleased to see only five other cars in the lot. As much as he wanted this to be private for both of your sake, he also knew you didn't like skating here with a crowd. The two of you walked over to the booth, greeting Candace who was one of the owners and operators. The three of you chatted as she handed over your passes and grabbed your skates. As you turned away from the counter, you missed the soft smile and wink Candace offered Mat who beamed back at her.

Mat laced up your skates for you, no matter how many times you insisted you were fully capable. He would always shush you and tie them up regardless, not wanting you to have any extra opportunities for a broken ankle. He then laced his own loaned pair up and the two of you headed out on the ice.

Just like every year, Mat held onto you for the first few laps. Until you felt steady on your feet. Then, much like a parent, Mat would let you go and skate on your own. Without fail, you would always turn around to see Mat's reaction to you skating on your own. This time, when you turned around, you saw him down on one knee.

As your hands naturally leapt up to cover your mouth in shock, your body whipped around to fully face him. What happened next, was a story that would be told over and over again. As you turned around, your legs got tangled. And as Mat was down on one knee, waiting for you to focus on him to ask the most important question of your lives, your legs flew from underneath you and you plopped on the ice with an 'oomph'.

Mat raced forward with a call of your name, but you could only look at him in awe. "No, no, I'm fine," your tears were half from pain and embarrassment, and half from happiness. "Just, keep going Mat."

"Angel," he sighed as he slid down to one knee again in front of you, trying to get around the worry he felt. "You are my biggest rock. Ever since we met, you have never failed to call me out and chirp me better than any hockey player I know. You challenge me every day to be a better person, and every day, you surprise me in the love you show me. I never thought I would find something like this. You are my everything, so I was wondering if you would do me the honor of being my wife."

"Oh bubba," you choked out, reaching for him. "Yes, yes one billion times yes." Mat beamed as he literally scooped you off the ice and twirled you around. You pulled back to kiss him, only letting go when cheering broke through your little bubble. You gasped as you looked over to see your family and Mat's standing beside the rink with champagne.

"Oh my god," you cried as you let Mat lead you over to accept the hugs and congratulations from the people who loved you.

"I can't believe you broke your ass for a proposal," Liana cackled and you joined her as you imagined the huge bruise that was bound to appear on your backside later on.

[victoriousscarf]

Writing Tag Game

Tagged by @dreadfutures

How many works do you have on AO3?

... 251...

What’s your total AO3 word count?

3,939,640

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

the forest is dark and deep and i've seen you here before

Its Not the End of the World (But It Might as Well be the End of Your World)  (Remember when I thought 3 other people in the whole world would get a kick out of this fic?)

Two Sides of the Coin

My Downfall is Rooted in Your Desperate Need      

I Won't Move the Heaven's for You and You'll Pretend to Forget Me

(Amazingly Find the Sun in the Corners of Shadows is number 7? How on earth is that 7 ahahahaha how did I Won’t Move the Heaven’s beat it)

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Yes, every one. It’s on principle but also because the more people are willing to chat with me, the more likely a story is to update. If you give me something to chat about, it’s an inspiration spiral. I wouldn’t be here without engagement.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Probably anything in the Hobbit Fandom where the Sons of Durin still die, and I did quite a few variations on that theme.  The Stars Think You Need to Run for example. Or The Long Road that Does Not Lead Home

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

... The Sun in Your Eyes and Starlight in Your Hair ? Maybe? I don’t know, it’s just like “give Luke a bunch of cats and kisses and shit will work out right?” That counts as a happy ending doesn’t it?

Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the strangest one you’ve written?

I think I wrote a Harry Potter and Fruits Basket crossover once...

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Multiple times.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

When I feel like it, or when I think it actually helps. It also depends on the fandom or the characters ahahaha Tolkien inspired me to really smutty heights.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Oh. Yeah. Both in the flat out they copy and pasted it to another site, and in the more abstract “I’m gonna steal your idea, your plot, your world building, and in fact entire scenes straight from your fic but because I change a few words no one will notice right :)?”

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes. Mostly in Chinese but I think there were a couple of Russian ones (mostly Tolkien) and a few others I’m blanking on.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Idk @meddalarksen have I?

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Fenris/Anders since about 2012. Before that it was Spock/McCoy and they will always have a special place in my heart.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I mean life goes on and life happens but honestly even fics I think I’ve given up on I often slink back to and try and figure out if I can actually wrap it up in a semi-satisfactory way SOMEHOW. So. Who knows.

What are your writing strengths?

I can apparently make people cry a lot. Since that’s usually my goal I’ll call that a good thing.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Descriptioooooon? Feeling like I’m not getting the power of the idea in my head out properly in the right words. (I have to remind myself y’all don’t know how good it could have been lol).

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Nah.

(Respect to those who do, but I will never).

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

...Inuyasha. Or, technically, the Looney Tunes.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

I really like the forest is dark and deep and i've seen you here before  for obvious reasons

[harrysgloves]

Trouble (chapter 2)

>>>Catch up with master list here!<<<

word count: 5.6K

story summary: You’re nothing but trouble and Harry can’t help the fact that he wants a taste.

warnings: LANGUAGE // Bisexual character // Date rape drugs (not used only mentioned no one’s getting drugged I promise!) // Smut and lots of it fam. // Oral female receiving // Rough sex? // Unprotected sex (don’t do this okay?) // slight degradation // Size kink? (honestly it’s a lot lemme know if I missed something.)

chapter summary: You and Harry hook up 

a/n: wooo took me a long time to write but it’s long so enjoy. This is turning out to be another series so I’m super excited for that! Also, I don’t condone any of this behavior this is just a story for fun. Don’t do this shit. PLEASE. Okay. Thanks.

>>><<<

Harry couldn't keep his eyes off you all night. He stared you down everywhere you went. Following your every move across the bar. From the minute you walked out of your bedroom dressed like THAT he couldn't peel his eyes off you.

Your tight black faux leather skirt hugged every inch of your thighs. Your ass seconds from popping out of the back of it. When you did a little spin for him to tell you if he liked your outfit or not he had to hold back the groan bubbling in the back of his throat.

The thigh high boots you had on with that little crop top that made your breast so out there and full with that choker necklace around your neck was driving him mad. He had to readjust the problem in his pants many times before even walking out the door to go meet the rest of your friends.

He knew he was done for the second you teased your hair one last time in the mirror by the door. His mind immediately started flashing images of his hand laced through your hair pulling it so tightly your head snapped back as he rammed his cock so deep inside you those beautiful moans fell from your perfectly pouty lips. He'd fuck you so hard into the bed teasing you the whole time about how you couldn't take his big cock.

Your sloppy wet hole squeezing him for dear life as he pounded into you over and over again until you came all over him but he wouldn't stop there. No, he'd use you all up, make you never want to be with anyone else ever again. Have you cumming on his length until you couldn't even remember your own name.

"You coming?" You said, holding open the apartment door open, looking at him with those curious doe eyes that he'd love to see looking up from the floor as he shoved his dick so far down your throat you'd choke.

"Uh, yeh." He tried his best to wipe all his thoughts out of his mind but he couldn't help it. Ever since he saw you spread out on the living room floor, hearing your sweet moans, he wanted to fuck the soul out of you.

You smiled biting your lip as you turned to walk down the hallway. Knowing full well what he was thinking. Your hips swaying just a bit more than usual as you walked in front of him.

"Jesus, just fuck her already." Finn groaned from beside Harry snapping his eyes off you lingering at the bar to his friend.

"Whatever." He said rolling his eyes and taking a swig of his beer. If he wanted to stare at you he had to get better at hiding it. Your friends lived to give him shit.

"He's right. You stare at her any longer you're going to get a restraining order." Link laughed from the other side of Harry the second the brunette shot him a look. He was already tired of this conversation and it had just started.

"Yeah Link, like you don't look the same way whenever Addie walks into a room." The last boy, Lex, in the group smiled widely as Link flushed slightly and Finn gagged.

"Shut the fuck up that's my sister!" Finn groaned looking around the room as he tried to not get pissed about his friend fucking his sister… again.

"They've been together fo' 4 months mate. It's time t'get over it." Harry said, smiling at his now very pissed off and uncomfortable friend. Thankful the conversation had moved off you and towards anything else.

He was so tired of everyone giving him shit for how much he liked you. He just couldn't help it. From the first time he saw you he was intrigued. Your not giving a fuck attitude. Your style. Everything about you was so enticing.

He knew you were nothing but a heartbreak waiting to happen but he couldn't help the fact he thought about what it'd be like to be with.

But now with those lingering thoughts of you on the floor moaning and thrashing around, he wanted you more than ever.

"At least he's not fucking your sister." Finn argued to Lex. Their feud building. Really it was like they liked fighting about this, since it was almost every time they went out someone brought up Link and Adeline.

"No the British fucker is doing mine." Lex said, rolling his eyes before he looked at Harry.

"It was one time and I was drunk and 've said sorry 12 times! Besides, she's with Rose and I didn't know." A shudder ran through his body as he thought back to his night with Elena. He wasn't one to help someone cheat and if he would have known about Rose he definitely wouldn't have slept with her.

"I'm so glad I don't have a sister." Link said, smiling widely as Finn glared at him.

"Your brother's hot. He can be fair game." Harry smirked at Link who stood there with his mouth gaping.

"Oh fuck, he got you there." Lex cackled, Finn joining along with Harry as Link grumbled out something about killing all of them.

It didn't take long for Harry's eyes to move back across the room to you. He should have guessed you'd be at the bar chatting up some guy who had bought you the same cheap beer he was drinking. His arm touching your leg.

You only looked away from your drink for a second. Your head turning around to look for all your friends. It was only a second but it was long enough for the creep trying to get you home with him to slip something into your drink.

"Holy shit." Harry coughed, spitting out the alcohol in his mouth back into his bottle, ready to go kick someone's ass when Link's hand reached out to stop him.

"You're going to miss the best part." His friend said making Harry turn to him, eyebrows furrowed.

"Wot?"

"Ohhh, did someone drug her drink, again?" Finn asked way too excited as they all turned to look at you staring at your drink. Your eyes rising so slowly to the guy in front of you before turning to the group of boys.

Harry watched completely confused when Finn gave a subtle nod. Your head snapping back to the creep in front of you. The sweetest smile Harry had ever seen coming across your face.

"God, I love this." Lex said making Harry look at him momentarily before focusing back on you.

He was going to walk over to you but Link's hand stayed firmly over his chest as he shook his head no. Pointing to you now gesturing to the guy somewhere behind him.

Harry's heart racing as the jacked up jock turned around in his seat to look behind him. You looked over to the group of boys sending them a wink before switching the bottles of beer around before the guy turned back to you.

"Fuck, everytime. These idiots, I swear." Finn gave a short chuckle as the huge guy sitting across from you at the bar started drinking his drink so pleased with himself as you picked up your own and took a large gulp.

"Not like they don't deserve it." Link shrugged, removing his hand from Harry's chest.

His eyes never left you. At the bar chatting up this asshole like he didn't about date rape you. Your arm resting on the jerks leg as he started to sway in his seat. Your hand reaching out for the dudes phone, sending a text from it before putting it back in his pocket.

Your hands running around in his other pants pockets until you pulled out a small baggie and the guys wallet. Placing a kiss on the sleeping man's face, an outline of your lipstick left behind on his cheek as you turned so triumphantly towards your group of friends.

"Looks like drinks are on…" You paused opening the wallet one more time. "Aaron Anders. What a fucking name."

"Here you go, knock yourself out and make sure you flush those for me. Can't let anymore rapey pervs get ahold of that shit in here." You said throwing the wallet and baggie to Finn who caught it instantly.

"Who'd y'text from his phone?" Harry asked, his head peeking around you to see the guy being lifted out of the bar by his friends.

"The creeps friends. Couldn't let him die or some shit. That'd be hard to explain." You shrugged, not bothering to look around at the guy being pulled out of the bar.

Really. It was his own fault.

"Where's Ellie and Rose?" Lex said, turning his head around the room to try and look for them which was really pointless.

"Probably fucking in the bathroom." You said, not even attempting to look around. If you knew Rose, she was already trying to win her girl back.

"I'm serious about those pills, Finn, flush them." You said, turning your attention to the guy on your right. His hand running through the billowing waves of dark black hair at the top of his head as he debated what you said.

You should have known the idiot would be thinking about taking them. He had a real problem when it came to drugs.

"We could just take them and see where the night goes." He said, his dark chocolate brown puppy dog eyes looking up to meet yours. Making you laugh at how serious he was being.

He was always a fun time but the kid had some real issues.

"Dude, no."

"Yeah, you got some serious problems."

"I think we should get y'sum therapy mate."

"Fuck, sugguest one thing and all the sudden its oh Finn you have a drug addiction. Fuck you guys." Finn huffed, turning to leave the group and heading for the bathrooms. Your smile wide across your face as you watched to make sure he didn't detour to go date rape drug himself.

It was only a few seconds of you staring at the now closed men's bathroom door before you felt eyes burning through you. Your attention snapping up to Harry who didn't even bother to look away from you.

"Wanna dance?" You asked him, licking your lips. His eyes focusing on them so intensely your breathing caught in your throat. The way he looked at you sometimes, like he was ready to pounce on you, take you right then and there. It was exhilarating.

Your hand wrapped around his wrist, pulling him through the crowd before he even had a chance to respond to your question. As much as you love playing this teasing game with him he wasn’t going to be staring at you all night long, looking like he was about 2 seconds from ripping your clothes to shreds, without at least dancing with you.

"GET IT HARRY!" You heard Link yell from behind you, making you roll your eyes and try harder to push through all the people on the dance floor.

"If you don't shut the fuck up I'm going to tell Addie about this shit. We can't take you anywhere." You heard the last bit of what Lex yelled at Link and a sharp “ow”, you assumed Lex had hit him and honestly, you were thankfully.

Your misfit group of friends, while very entertaining at times, were assholes. They stuck their noses in everyone’s business and had no problem forcing themselves into things that didn’t concern them. They were rude, overbearing, and you loved them for it. Even if it was a little much at times.

Your hands instantly wrapped behind the back of his neck when you made it to a clear enough spot on the dance floor. His firm grip on your waist sent sparks through you. Your big doe eyes flashing up to his smugly smiling face, knowing damn well you felt whatever was between you two.

His body was like a magnet slowly drawing you closer and closer to him. You swayed to the beat of the music, moving in complete sync with him, his body pressed so tightly to yours as you moved back and forth.

The air around you two became thick with the body heat of the others around you. Your hair stuck to the back of your neck but you couldn’t have cared less. The way he was holding you to him like you were the last thing on this earth that he wanted to touch had you wanting to beg him to fuck you right now.

You had no idea dancing could be such a turn on.

He pulled you in even closer to him, his large hands hungrily running over every inch of you that he could possibly touch.

You stopped dancing, biting your lip as you looked at him. His own movements stopping with you. His eyes focusing from your chest that was pressed against him to your lips.

"Can I kiss you?" You asked, eyes pleading up to him. You'd never wanted to kiss someone so much in your whole life.

His lips curling up slightly at the edges as he hummed, thinking about what you'd ask. His hand moving your hair off your forehead, wrapping around the back of your neck as he pulled your lips to his.

Fireworks wasn't even close to how it felt, more like an explosion.

Sparks.

Fire.

Shooting flames of adrenaline pulsating from his mouth to your own. Consuming your entire being into him.

His tongue forcing its way into your mouth with no hesitation. So damn determined to get what he wanted from you. So demanding, so forceful, so dominating.

The submissive inside of you whimpering. Clawing its way to the surface of your mind.

"I love being right." You heard the sweet voice from beside you. Pulling back from Harry not even needing to look beside you to know she'd be wearing a smug smile on her face.

"I like y'bein' right too." He said to Rose. Your eyebrows furrowed as you looked at him before turning to her. Silently questioning what she was talking about.

"I said you'd totally fuck him. He didn't think so." She shrugged, her head laying on Elena's shoulder.

For being so cozy with Rose the girl looked like she wanted to murder you. Her eyes narrowing at the hands around your waist. Harry not letting your body go very far from his.

"Must be nice to be right all the time, baby." You said with a smile. "We're going home."

>>>

Any shred of decency you had left in you was gone as soon as the car door to your uber closed shut. You were on him from the minute you two were semi alone. Legs straddling over his waist in the backseat. Your skirt riding up so high your ass was exposed. The cool air coming from the vents licked your hot skin.

"Gonna give him a show like y'did me?" Harry asked when his lips momentarily disconnected from yours. That swoon worthy smug on his face as you shrugged.

"Don't think he'd mind." You said, leaning back down to connect your lips to his. His hands grabbing your thighs, running up to your cheeks of your behind, pulling you forward onto his clothed length.

Rose definitely wasn't lying. The dude was fucking stacked. Your core clenching involuntary at the sheer thought of him sliding into you. Already feeling bad for the abuse you were about to put your body through.

"Not that the free porn isn't great but we've been outside your place for 10 minutes." The guy from the front finally interrupted you two.

Harry pulled away with a smile on his face as he slapped your ass signaling you to get off of him.

You squeaked, slapping his shoulder, grumbling about him being a dick as you got out of the car. Harry tapping the poor drivers shoulder when he finally got out, shaking his head, smiling at you, his arm wrapping around your shoulders as he pulled you up the stairs to your apartment.

The second the door to your apartment flew open he was on you. Hands gripping the back of your neck as he held your lips to his. Your feet stumbling over his as you both tried to take off your shoes without disconnecting your lips. His arms wrapping around your waist to steady you on your feet.

"Eager?" You asked, smug smile on your face as you peered up at him.

"No idea sweetheart. Had t'deal with a hard-on all week after y'little show." He said pulling you in closer to him. His hands traveling down the valley of your back to your bottom, squeezing each cheek hard in this hand.

"My room. Now." He ordered. Your lips rolling into your mouth at his demanding tone of voice. Already loving the idea of him being so rough with you.

You turned on your heel heading for his bedroom. Taking off your top as you walked down the hallway with him shortly behind you. Throwing the useless piece of cloth over your shoulder, you heard him groan.

You felt his arms back around you, his chest bare chest pressed against your back as he guided you quickly into his room. Slamming the door behind him and promptly pressing you up against the flimsy wood.

"Thought I said my room, not get undressed?" He asked a small smile playing on the corner of his lips as he watched your chest rise up and down from your heavy breathing.

"Thought you knew I liked to break rules." You said arms snaking behind yourself to undo your bra clasp. The black material falling to the floor in between you two.

His eyes immediately focusing on your chest. You could have sworn they visibly darkened. A shiver running through your body as he looked at you. His eyes eagerly eating up every inch of your chest. Studying every crevice of you as his hands grasped each breast firmly. His slightly callused fingers running across your soft skin was such a contrasting feeling to anyone else you'd been with. Taking the air from your lungs as he continued to touch you like it was the only thing he'd ever wanted to do.

"Fuck." He groaned when he heard your soft sighs, leaning down and capturing your lips again.

Your arms laced behind his neck as he guided you to his bed. Pushing you down on the soft blankets. Following you down to the bed. He laid over top of you, leg between yours, hands on either side of your head as he kissed the soul out of you.

Every movement of his tongue against yours had your hips shifting for any sort of friction you could find. Thinking of the things that tongue could do to other parts of you as you pulled him in closer to you. Your chest pressed tight against his as your nails ran down his back and eventually to the button of his pants.

"Eager?" He asked, pulling away from you with a smile, throwing your own words back at you.

"Yeah I am. So get these off." You said, pulling his pants down the little bit you could from your position under him. Not caring how desperate your voice sounded. You were impatient and not above showing it.

In the short time of you kissing him in the club to now he had gotten you so worked up. Every touch he laid on you sent sparks shooting through your entire body. Kissing him was better than any kiss you'd ever had.

It was already addictive. He was addictive.

"Awe, lovey, 'M sorry want me t'touch y'yeh?" His one hand lifting from beside your head, pushing up your skirt.

Your breath catching as his fingers gently ran across your soaking wet underwear. Your hips lifting of their own accord, chasing his hand as he pulled it away from you.

"Jesus, fuckin' soaked fo' me."

The tease knew what he was doing to you. Smiling down so brightly with those perfectly white straight teeth gleaming at you, taunting you. You groaned in frustration, rolling your eyes at him as you laid further back into the mattress.

"Harry." You whined, shifting your hips again. Hands desperately pulling at the front of his undone pants, finally freeing him.

His length hitting you on the leg before bouncing to his stomach. Your eyes widened as you looked down at the very large situation you had at hand.

"That's not gonna fit." You said staring down at the monstrosity before you as he laughed deeply from his chest, shaking his head at you.

"I'm serious! That's like a fucking forearm!" You knew Rose saidwhe was supposed ro be huge but the guy was as big as a porn star. There was no way that thing was supposed to fit inside you. No way.

"Guess I'll have t'get y'ready then." He said, standing from the bed, slipping off his pants one leg at a time. His eyes never leaving you for one minute.

You cautiously eyed him as he continued to smile down at you. You could feel his ego inflating by the second which was infuriating but you honestly had no idea how the hell he planned on getting that fucking thing inside you without it hurting.

"You'll stop if it hurts right?" You asked, making him pause as he got back onto the bed.

"Course. Y'still want t'do this?" He asked, slowly backing away but you quickly reached for him, arms around his neck.

"Yeah just wanted to make sure." You quickly kissed him again. Hoping he wouldn't start having second thoughts about this. You were already here, half dressed, and turned on. It'd be a shame to waste a good night out and not get laid.

"Tell me if y'get uncomfortable, yeh?" He asked, pulling away from you, his eyes that soft cute green again, making you bite your lip as you nodded your agreement.

You laid back down on the bed as he moved further into you. Resting on your elbows as those soft satin lips you were slowly becoming obsessed with connected to yours again. Calming to waves of anxiety in your mind.

His hands smoothly unzipping the side zipper of your skirt with ease. Slowly pulling the taunt fabric down your legs. The tips of his fingers gently brushing across your silky legs as the fabric was pulled off and tossed carelessly to the floor.

His lips parting from your needy mouth. Trailing his lips across the sensitive skin of your collarbone, down to the swells of your breast. His tongue running circles across your pebbled nipples, slowly, but with determination to give care to each one individually. His lips curling at the sounds of your gasps and sighs when he pulled back slightly to blow cool air gently across the warm trail his tongue left across your chest.

Watching so intently when your nipples poked to hard points. A satisfied hum coming from him as he observed your body's reaction to him. Your chest moving up and down so quickly, hands clutching his blanket for dear life.

Trailing lingering wet kisses down your stomach. Your legs involuntarily clenching when he nipped lightly at the sensitive skin close to your hip bone. A hiss coming from you as he repeated the action on the other side.

His tattooed hand running across the thin lace fabric of your underwear and you could feel his grin against your heated skin. His fingers gently tugging down the remainder of your fabric.

Leaving you completely naked in front of him. Your heart rate picking up the second he moved so swiftly in between your legs. Resting on your elbows to see him sat with one of your legs on either side of his head. His hands running down the insides of your thighs, making you clench around nothing.

"What did Rose say again?" He asked, finger gently pulling back your lips slightly. His thumb rubbing light circles around your bundle of nerves before looking up at you, waiting for you to answer his question.

"What?" You asked, confused as to why these two insisted on talking about the other as you laid beneath them. He had you dripping a puddle between your legs and he really expected you to talk about Rose?

"I think she said sumthin' 'bout makin' y'sing right, love?" He asked, not bothering to give you any time to answer.

His mouth connecting with your core in an instant. His tongue flat and thick as he leisurely swiped from your entrance all the way to your clit. Your head landing back on the bed as you let out a shocked moan.

"Fuck, y'taste so sweet." He said his British accent somehow getting thicker as he became entranced in you. His arms wrapping around your thighs pulling you down on his face as he took his time tasting you.

Your eyes struggled to stay open as you peered down at him completely devouring you. The things he could do while kissing you was impressive. But this? This was on a different level.

He took complete joy in hearing your untamed moans. Showing no care in world as he dragged his face around in your arousal. Happily lapping up every single drop from you as he switched so skillfully between your pulsating bundle of nerves and your entrance.

He was a man who hadn't ate in years.

And you were his meal.

His hands around your thighs digging into your skin only added to your insane amount of pleasure. His fingers embedded into your skin leaving bruises on your soft silky skin for everyone to see.

You felt like an instrument being so beautifully played. Chords echoing from deep in your chest as his fingers slipped inside of you, pumping to a distant imaginary metronome.

Your body burned brighter than the sun, a warming sensation pulling at the pit of your stomach. Completely different than anything you'd ever experienced before.

"Harry." You breathed out, hands lacing through his hair to pull his mouth off you.

"It feels different." You whined as a third finger entered you. His pace not faltering the slightest bit as he smiled up to you.

That adorable angelic simple popping out was such a contrast to the devilish things he was doing to you.

"I know." Was the only thing he said before his mouth was back on you, giving light suction to your clit as his fingers expertly slid into you on final time.

The dam had broke. Flooding, gushing, out of you as your vision blackened around the edges. You'd never had an out of body experience before but you were sure this was what they felt like.

Your whole body tensing before a wave of mind numbing euphoria rained over you. The moan you let out was like thunder, roaring in a tidal wave of absolute pleasure.

You had no idea sex could feel like this.

Your body no longer felt like your own as you laid on the now wet bed. Slight twitches of your leg was the only thing keeping your eyes even slightly open until the smug smiling Harry came into your line of sight. He licked his lips so arrogantly as he brushed the hair from your face.

"How was that fo' gettin' y'ready, love?" His playful green eyes would have infuriated you with his taunting tone of voice but you were too gone in that fuzzy state of mind to notice.

"Amazing." You said honestly, you had never had anything even remotely close to that before. Your body was still experiencing random shocks and twitches as he guided you to a less wet spot of his bed.

He parted your legs, hands running down the inside of your thighs as his length slapped gently against your bundle of nerves. Jolts running through you everytime he sprung back to your clit.

He slowly guided himself through your soaked folds. Watching your lips encased around him. He let out a low hiss when his tip slipped inside you, already stretching your walls.

You whimpered at the feeling of his thick tip sliding in and out of you. Slowly working his way up to you being able to take all of him. He moved so carefully. Inching his way fully full inside of you.

"God, y'fuckin' tight." He groaned as your walls clamped around him. Pulling him even further into you.

You whimpered out a pathetic moan when he pulled out of you slowly all the way to his tip and fully back into your tight channel. His eyes glued to where you were connected, watching himself finally fuck you.

"What's wrong, pup?" He asked when he saw your hips shift forward slightly, the cocky smile on his face as he leaned down over you. Resting on one forearm his other hand wrapping around the back of your neck.

"Harder." You whined, bucking your hips underneath him, trying to get him to move the way you wanted him to. Desperate for him to make you feel like he did before.

"Thought y'couldn't handle me?" He said his hips ever so slightly pushing harder into you. Making you wither and moan beneath him.

"Please, Harry." You cried, arms wrapping around the back of his neck as you. Your legs connecting around his back trying anything to get him to finally fuck you.

He connected his lips to yours swallowing your cries and moans as his hips rolled against yours. Crashing against you with so much force against that sweet spot inside of you could barely think straight.

Your body became nothing but a moldable toy for him. He ripped you up from the bed, turning you around within a blink of an eye. Slamming himself back into you from behind.

"Oh, fuck." You cried, head hanging down between your bent arms.

"Wanna hear what 'M doin' t'ya" He said breathlessly from behind you. His hand around your neck as he brought you to his sweat covered chest.

Your hands holding on to his one arm for dear life as he took whatever he wanted. His lips pressed against your ear. His breathless, groans and whispers of how fucking good you felt wrapped around him so tightly were the only thing you could hear.

Your body couldn't take anymore. The high just on the horizon as his thrusts started to get harder and sloppier.

"Gonna cum all over my cock, sweet girl?" He asked, a satisfied hummed leaving him when your walls tightened around him at his words.

"Such a dirty girl, puppy." He whispered into your ear. Chuckling softly at the moan that left you, shaking his head.

He let your body fall to the bed. Your arms barely catching yourself before your face smacked into one of his pillows. You were so close to going again. Your orgasm so close you could taste it as his hands held tightly onto your waist.

"Should 'ave known y'wanted me to use y'like a cocksleve." He said so close to your ear as his front draped over your backside. An earth shattering moan left you at his words. Throwing your hips backwards faster into him as your body worked of its own accord.

His free hand rubbing the perfect amount of pressure on your clit was all you needed to finally let go.

Fucking him was the closest you'd ever get to heaven.

Your eyes closed, rolling into the back of your head as the euphoric feeling swept you away. Your body shaking as you let it all out. Let yourself go completely. Your fuzzy state of mind only increasing with this long lasting effect he had on your body.

You'd never cum as hard as you did when you were with him.

The finale snap if his hips and warm release across your ass was what snapped you out of it. Laying down flatly on his bed as he laid down beside you. Arm over his face as he tried to take in much needed air.

"We should 'ave done that ages ago." He said, making you laugh as you got up from your spot in his bed.

"We could always do it again. I wouldn't mind." You said as you picked up your random articles of clothing from around his room.

"Where y'goin'?" He asked, removing the arm from his face. The confused look he was giving you was nothing short of adorable.

"I'm going to my room." You said simply shrugging as you grabbed the last thing you thought you had in his space.

"Why?" He asked, sitting up on his elbow as he watched you scanning for any leftover articles of clothing you may have laying around.

"Cause I don't do stay overs." You pulled your underwear out from beneath his pants quickly adding them to the pile of clothes you had to take back with you to your room.

"Wot?"

"Have you ever seen someone leaving here in the morning that I've been with?" You asked him, finally, done looking for everything you could finally talk to him face to face.

"No?"

"Yeah, because I don't let people stay over and I don't do the whole cuddling thing or staying at theirs. Just easier that way."  You said sternly. Making it well known from the start that this wasn't going to be anything serious.

You didn't do serious.

"See ya tomorrow, Harry." You said with a smile as you walked out his room shutting his down behind you.

He groaned lay back against the bed hands running down his face as he looked at the ceiling in his room. His mind running with all the things he liked about you. All the ways you were perfect.

And God, the sex, it was just the best with you. Everything about you was just so fucking addictive.

And now that he's had a taste, he wants more.

[chaosride]

A Divine Appointment (x7)

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

“Nothing you do for children is ever wasted.” �� Garrison Keillor

Fenris hadn’t expected much to come of Rosalyn’s offer to teach him to read. He should have, as the children had all been proven stubborn and relentless when it came to something they decided they needed to do. So determined, it turned out, that Rosalyn bothered Anders until he caved and appeared on his doorstep just after dinner one evening with his entire herd of children.

“Yes?” Fenris asked.

“Fenris, I’m really sorry but Ros-”

“You haven’t come to me for a lesson so I’m coming to you. I even brought a book,” Rosalyn told him seriously.

He nodded after a moment even as he glanced at Anders.

“Don’t worry, I know you’re not a daycare, if it’s alright for Ros to stay for a bit for your lesson, I can come get her in a bit. If not it’s fine she was just, uh, very insistent.”

“It’s alright, you may come in.”

Fenris stepped back to allow space for Rosalyn to trot inside. Cahir cooed from Anders’ arms and reached for him, and the other children peered at him from behind the healer with expectant looks.

“Thank you Fenris, I’ll come back to get her in an hour or two, c’mon guys,” Anders told him before he began the arduous task of herding the children away.

Fenris didn’t what possessed him to but he called out, “Mage, you can all come in. I have plenty of rooms, Ros and I can do our lesson in my room.”

“Are you sure?”

“Get in here already,” Fenris groused.

The children made the decision for Anders and crowded into the vestibule with excited shouts and general chatter. Once Anders stepped through Fenris shut the door behind him.

“Thanks, Fenris,” the mage told him.

Fenris didn’t answer him, instead taking Cahir from Anders when the boy reached for him. Anders let the toddler go with no complaints, but the enamored look on the healer’s handsome face made something in Fenris’ chest clench. Fenris knew the look was likely directed at the boy in his arms but it was nice to pretend. He bounced Cahir in his arms to hear him laugh and led them into the open main hall of the mansion.

“Whoa, this place is huge!” Tanner said, looking around with huge eyes.

“Do you live here with other people?” Bree asked him,

“No, it’s just me.”

“Oh, don’t you get lonely?”

“... Sometimes,” Fenris told her. “Ros, my room is this way, we can do our lesson out here. Mage, feel free to move anything or use anything that is out here, let me know if they need anything.”

“Do you want me to take Cahir?”

“I can handle him, if he gets fussy I’ll bring him to you.”

“Oh- alright, thanks Fenris.”

Rosalyn was a patient teacher, and it made the lesson go quickly. Fenris had worried it would be embarrassing or beyond him even with someone willing to teach him. It was easier since he already had a firm grasp on the language, and Fenris was just glad to recognise at least a few common words in written form.

“Why do you call the healer mage?” she asked him quietly, towards the end of their lesson.

Fenris looked up from the paper he was using to practice writing his name on. She was intently staring at the page she had been spelling out names for him to practice along with his own on. Her pale brows were drawn together and she had stopped writing midword.

“He is one.”

“It’s dangerous though. If the wrong person heard you they would come for him. Do you… not like ta because he’s a mage?”

“Has he said that?”

“No, not… not out loud. It just makes him sad, I can tell."

"I have reason to distrust mages, they have hurt me very much in the past.”

“Was it the healer?”

“No, but it is not that simple. Mages can be dangerous, they have a lot of power. Anders… is not just Anders.”

“Oh, you mean Justice? I know some people are scared of him because he’s a spirit but he’s nice. He scares away mean people in the clinic who bother ta, but he’s never hurt any of them. He always seems… upset at the possibility of having to,” she told him. “You think mages are dangerous but you haven’t turned ta in?”

“It would upset our friends very much. I am from Tevinter, where blood magic is commonplace. I was suspicious at first, is all. But he has proven himself, we are… friends I suppose.”

Ros nodded slowly, considering the information.

“Why do you ask? There is no danger of me turning him in, if that was your worry.”

“I’m a mage too,” Rosalyn whispered. “I was afraid you would hate me and not want me around anymore if you knew.”

Fenris smiled at her, and found he was unable to be afraid of her. She was just a girl still, unsure and hesitant, and being a mage didn’t make her someone different than who she had been before.

“Well then you have nothing to fear. I could not hate you. Just promise me you won’t practice blood magic or make a deal with a demon.”

Rosalyn giggled. “Yes, da, I promise.”

“Then we’re fine,” he promised her.

Fenris found he meant it. Ros was a mage but she was just a child who had no committed no wrongs against him. He couldn’t find it in his heart to see her any differently than he had before; as one of his kids. They may have been Anders’ to everyone else but Fenris had come to accept they were his too, at least partially.

Now if he could only stop yearning for Anders to be his as well. He wanted to get used to having people fill his home, for there to be noise and joy and light someplace Danarius had wrought only demons and shadows and ashes. It was not a wish he had put too much credence in until he saw it so tantalizingly close today.

Maybe he was deserving of a family after all. It was getting easier and easier to believe that.

Even so he didn’t give voice to the thought of offering for them to stay the night as he saw the healer and his ducklings out that night. Fenris could offer a thousand reasons why it was better than returning to Darktown; he had plenty of rooms and beds, the children would have more room to run, he had a better desk for Anders to sit and write at, he had a table they would all fit around to sit at meals. He couldn’t find the breath to do so though, sure that Anders would rather be anywhere else. The mage was only around because of the kids. That was the truth of Fenris’ situation.

---

Anders wished he was better at speaking to Fenris. He had considered asking if he had eaten dinner or wanted company for the evening but hadn’t wanted to overstep his bounds. While Fenris had certainly softened towards Anders, the healer knew it had everything to do with the children and nothing to do with him as a person. Fenris hated him on principle which as much as Anders hated he could understand. Even if a templar fought alongside Hawke and had promised to not harm him, Anders wouldn’t be able to trust them. Anders hadn’t considered it a problem either, but seeing Fenris with the children and being around him without arguing had affected the mage in ways he couldn’t have predicted.

He had always noticed how attractive the warrior was but had found any desire tempered by his abhorrence of anything magic and his penchant for disregarding Anders’ safety to call him things such mage and abomination so openly. In retrospect, the healer saw that Fenris likely didn’t realize how much danger he had put Anders in with such words. He had not seen how insipid the chantry doctrine against magic ran, how many were willing to go running to the templars. Or simply corner mages with pitchforks and torches and take care of problems themselves. Where Fenris had come from, he would have been punished severely for speaking to a mage that way- the thought was mind boggling to Anders.

In the beginning of them knowing each other, Anders had been bitter that Fenris didn’t see how similar they were. But now he also knew that he had undermined a lot of what Fenris suffered in Tevinter. He had said and done a lot of things that he knew Fenris could never see past. He couldn’t even blame the elf really either, just be grateful he was kind to the kids and hadn’t tried to have them removed from his care.

Not that it would matter if he did or not. Anders knew that Sebastian was already starting to whisper about it in their friend group, once he had found out that Anders was taking care of the children. It was one of the things Isabela had given him a heads up about during their overnight trip to Sundermount.

The other thing she had warned him about had to do with Delilah, and he was still debating on how to handle that situation. But he knew he had to, tonight when she got home from her shift. Because she would be home, and Isabela had overheard saying she didn’t feel safe staying in her bunk at the Rose anymore. Of course, Anders didn’t mind her feeling at home in the clinic but if she didn’t feel safe at the Rose then they needed to find her another job or remove the problem.

Isabela had agreed with him and lowly informed him that if he got the names of whoever was bothering Delilah they wouldn’t be a problem any more. The healer didn’t want to really consider what being considered an enemy by Isabela felt like but he knew it surely wasn’t pleasant.

So when Delilah got home that evening, Anders made tea like he always did. Delilah chatted some about her day, and he told her some of what the kids had gotten into that day and how the clinic had been. He almost didn’t bring it up, unwilling to disrupt their peaceful nightly tradition but he couldn’t just leave it be.

“Delilah, I know you’ve been hiding some injuries after work, and that there’s another reason for you not staying there anymore,” he began carefully. “I enjoy having you here at night, I just… if someone is bothering you at work, someone should know. If you know their names, I can make sure they won’t bother you again.”

Raelnor, when challenged about things he was hiding, had been angry at Anders for trying to involve himself. Anders had worried about Delilah distancing herself from him or telling him to leave it alone. Instead she offered him a sad smile and shook her head.

“Thank you, ta. It’s very sweet of you but it’s not just a pushy client. Some of the more seasoned girls aren’t happy about how many requests I get and they are just being catty. It’ll blow over,” she said. “Much nicer to come home every night anyway.”

“Have you looked for work somewhere else?”

“I know what you must think, me working in a brothel, but it is an honest living and it pays well enough.”

“It is an honest living, but I’ve worked in brothels. It’s not an easy job, and I just want… I want you to know that just because it’s work you know doesn’t mean it’s all you can do. If you aren’t happy there, don’t just weather it and hope it gets better.”

“You’ve worked in brothels?”

“One or two, years ago. I was hired on as a healer but I had enough people ask about me that they decided I should take on a few clients. I was an apostate and they usually housed me. Wasn’t in a position to complain, and I hadn’t learned yet that saying no was something I was allowed to do. In that respect at least.”

Delilah nodded, and stared into the fire with her dark brow furrowed.

“Even if I did want to work somewhere else, no one’s hiring Fereldans. And brothel work is all I’ve done…”

“Let me ask around, but you read and write well, you’re organized and calm under pressure. You have more talents than you realize.”

“A change of pace might be nice. Plus it would mean that I don’t have to tell Sam no every week when he asks me out again . He’s nice enough but really cannot take a hint. But the other girls all say he’ll move on soon, apparently it’s a pattern with him,” she said before carrying on the conversation without a hiccup, quelling Anders’ fears with ease.

Delilah was independent and had a good head on her shoulders but Anders still considered her his daughter, as much as Raelnor or the younger kids. She was always trying to look after him in turn too, and he vowed he would do anything he could to make her life easier.

Even if it meant begging Aveline for help finding her a safe job.

---

It was beyond late when Fenris woke to pounding on the door. He had stumbled to the door, already hauling his greatsword into place at his back with only one gauntlet on. The other still hung haphazardly from his pouch where he had tied it the day before. His breastplate wasn’t sitting right, the buckles tightened too hastily but he would fix it when he had time he decided when the knocking reached a fever pitch.

He ripped the door open, expecting to stumble directly into a gang fight Hawke had brought literally to his doorstep. Instead he found Rosalyn there, in her nightgown and shivering in the early morning air.

She didn’t give him time to question and snagged his wrist, pulling him out of the vestibule of the mansion with more force than he thought she had in her lithe body. Rosalyn was frantic, nearly falling in her scramble to get him moving.

“The healer needs help, please da, I know you don’t like mages much but the templars are there now and they already hurt him bad,” she begged. “It’s my fault, please , help him.”

She didn’t need to say anything else. Where before Fenris hadn’t been fully awake and baffled by her being there, the icy dread that curled around his spine woke him up. They practically ran through Hightown and Lowtown towards Darktown. Fenris adjusted his armor as they moved and tugged his gauntlet into place. His mind spun with all the ways the worst could have already happened, all the ways this night could end in heartbreak.

Every single situation grew a thousand times darker in his mind as they burst through Darktown and were met with the sound of a rattling cry. It was the loudest Fenris had ever heard a child cry, and could only be Cat who was squalling. He would recognize it anywhere.

The noise spurred him on so much that he nearly tripped over Tanner standing guard over Bree and Cahir, hunched between the wall and the ramshackle wooden stairs Fenris had come down.

“They’re still in there,” Tanner rushed out as soon as he recognized Fenris. “They took Cat because he tried to protect her, da you have to do something.”

Fenris nodded.

“Ros, stay here,” he ordered before the sound of running footsteps drew nearer to the stairs, coming towards the clinic.

Fenris drew his sword, sure they were about to be set upon by templar reinforcements but it was their own. Delilah, Raelnor, Varric, and Isabela tumbled down the stairs in a hectic tangle.

“Rae, Delilah, look after the kids, we’ll get Anders,” Fenris promised.

Together the warrior and two rogues approached the wreckage that had been made of the clinic. The lock Donnic had gotten had indeed been strong, so much that the templars had kicked the door, new frame and all, clean out of the rotting wood of the surrounding wall.

As they got closer, Fenris was able to distinguish some of the commotion coming from within that had been overpowered by the sheer volume of Cat’s bawling. The girl was loud when excited, shrieking and chattering, but when she was scared it was on another level. Fenris marveled a little at her lung capacity as her wailing seemed to make the walls around them shake with the force of it. What it was drowning out was worse and made all the hair on Fenris’ body stand on end and his brands to flare to life without his permission.

He couldn’t make out what Anders was actually saying because it was muffled, only that his voice was hoarse and pleading. The answering laughter was clear as a bell and nothing short of spiteful.

“We had a little tip off healer, some of us remember you from Kinloch. I was thinking that we would leave you locked in that thing just while we got you to the Circle but I really enjoy you begging.”

There was a chorus of laughter and hurled taunts. The sound Anders made was one of a wounded, cornered animal. Fenris couldn’t breathe around his heart in his throat but Varric had motioned for them to not rush in so they stilled out of sight.

“We need to get Cat out before anything,” he whispered. “The kid’s so damn loud I can’t even tell where she is in there.”

“I’ll get her,” Isabela told him. “But you have to cover me to get her out.”

Fenris only half listened to them as the templar from before began talking again. He seemed to be their ringleader, which meant all the others were likely crowding him for the show. Fenris only prayed he wasn’t the one holding Cat.

“I had a feeling you wouldn’t like the dark much. Or tight spaces. Looks like I was right. It might have been overkill to use a smite and magebane but I heard from a little birdy that you’re slightly allergic to magebane. I wasn't sure if that made it more or less effective, better safe than sorry.” Another wave of laughter. “I hope you aren’t too uncomfortable. I think we’ll stay here a while. Just in case we can root out any other apostates who may come looking for you. A few hours in there isn’t much compared to that year in solitary, and certainly nothing like what I’m going to do to you once we get you back to the Circle. I like your fire so much we may even see about waiting to put you on the Tranquil list. No one will even know where you are or who you are, you’d be a nice pet if you learned to behave.”

The sob Anders gave was so soft that Fenris barely heard it, but the way his voice caught and rasped when the mage spoke broke his heart.

“Please, do whatever you want, just let her go. She’s just a baby. Please.”

“Isabela,” Fenris murmured, already straightening. “Get Cat and get out. Varric, cover her and then fall back and look after the children. I will handle the rest.”

“Broody, there’s like twenty of them-” Varric was cut off by Isabela’s hand on his shoulder.

“I’m with you, Fen. Let’s kill these bitches,” she whispered. “Nothing would have stopped him anyway,” he heard her mutter to the dwarf but it was drowned out by the white hot rage that roared like a spreading fire in his head.

Fenris rushed the group, slicing effortlessly through the chatty templar. His blood fell in a crimson shower on his cohorts and there was a stunned moment of indecision on their part. Isabela used it to her advantage and plucked Cat from the templar who had been holding her by her chubby little arm.

By the time they had turned to pursue the pirate, arrows had begun raining down on them and Fenris cut down the rest with sweeping swings from his sword. It was over in what felt like moments; one second there had been a battalion of templars crowded into the clinic, and the next there were only bodies and blood.

Fenris turned to set about freeing the mage now that the threat had been eliminated and Cat was seen to safety. He choked on his own breath when he processed where they had been keeping Anders subdued. Fenris’ vision had tunneled to the templars so much that he hadn’t registered it. Now that he did, he wished he had not ended their lives so quickly. It was too merciful for them.

It was a sturdy chest, larger than some, and wrapped in thick chains. The four lines of glistening bood clinging to the wood said that even injured Anders had fought like a cat being put in a bag to be drowned against being put into it. Without the clamor of bodies or his own blood pounding in his ears Fenris could hear how hard Anders was panting and how he whimpered with each exhale.

Fenris’ hands turned desperate on the lock until he finally phased his hand into and ripped it apart from within. He felt the sharp shards of metal tear through his palm but all he cared about was getting Anders out and calmed down. The chain fell away at his jerking. When Fenris lifted the lid, Anders didn't uncurl, his long arms braced around his head still.

“Please, no more, I won’t run again, please,” the mage whispered.

“Anders,” Fenris said, his voice choked with horror, “I’m here, it’s just me. You’re safe with me.”

Golden eyes blinked up at him and fluttered at the light, glazed over and sluggish. The fingers of one hand were smashed almost beyond recognition and his face was a bloody mess. But he was breathing and there was no raised sun of tranquility on the freckled skin of his forehead. He was the most beautiful thing Fenris had ever seen.

“Fenris,” the healer sighed, the word drenched in relief.

Fenris helped him out, catching Anders when his knee gave out and making comforting noises when the mage tried to apologize. All the cots had been destroyed so Fenris closed the chest and eased Anders to lean against it.

“Where are you hurt?”

Anders shook his head weakly. “Not bad, the kids?”

This man , Fenris thought fondly.

“They’re okay. Isabela got Cat, they’re all okay. Even if it’s not bad, let me bandage it.”

“Just bruises. They definitely broke my… hand. Maybe just a few fingers but feels like my whole hand. Maybe my wrist,” Anders said. His speech was still slow and his eyes wouldn’t focus. “Mainly it's the magebane.”

“Ta?” a trembling voice called from just outside the clinic.

“I’m alright, love,” Anders answered. His voice was still raspy and weak, like he had been screaming for hours.

“Come get your things,” Fenris told them when the entire lot of them came in. He felt Anders go rigid against his side where he had slouched. For a tense moment no one moved until Fenris cleared his throat. “ Now, ” he said firmly.

The children all scrambled to comply. All except Rosalyn, who hesitated, looking between Anders and Fenris nervously. Finally she crept over and hugged Anders carefully.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to put you in danger. I understand if we can’t stay with you anymore.”

Anders blinked at her and opened his mouth to reply. Fenris could practically see the wheels struggling to turn in his mind, moving like machinery coated in honey.

“You are all coming to the mansion. Someone needs to pack Anders’ things for me, can you do that Ros?”

She nodded and scurried away, evidently at ease.

“You’re not taking the kids away from me,” Anders said mainly to himself.

Still Fenris answered him, “No, I am not.”

“Why? Why are you helping me, and why are you okay with them being with me. You hate mages, you hate me-”

“I don’t.”

Anders looked up at him, a perplexed furrow between his brows. Fenris didn’t know what possessed him to but he ducked down and pressed a chaste kiss to Anders’ mouth. Anders looked surprised and he leaned after Fenris when the elf  pulled away.

“I really don’t,” he admitted softly.

“Will you do that again later? I will definitely think this was all a fever dream.”

“I will, as many times as you would like,” Fenris assured, amazed that it was truthful. He would kiss Anders as many times as the mage wanted once they were away from here. ”I heard them say they gave you magebane but that you have a bad reaction to it. Is there anything I can do?”

Anders shook his head. “It makes other mages a little woozy at worst but it… makes me really out of it and sick to my stomach. All I can do now is let it run its course.”

Fenris brushed his hair back from his tired face.

“Then let’s get you home so you may rest.”

(please leave kudos and comments here! ♥)

[christineeej94]

One look❤

a/n:guys, I’m baaack. Finally. I have some amazing requests and I can’t wait to dig in. This one is so cute, I can cry. I hope i done it well. Okay, now I’m being weird. Bye. Stay safe and great. Kisses 🌻

the request:

Anonymous said:

can I request an Aron Piper imagine where the reader attends the red carpet even for Elite & both of them just so happen to be each other’s celebrity crush so when they bump into each other they instantly click & if you include them going on their first date too that would be great!

warnings: maybe bad language, some fluff and bad writing.

word count:2.016

Arón Piper x Reader

♠♠♠♠♠

“(Y/N) get your ass here.” My friend yelled from the kitchen and I rolled my eyes. “What?” she pulls her hair on the said and start dancing. I try not to laugh but she is so funny. “What’s happening chica?” I asked again and she start dancing again. “You receive an invitation to ÉLITE season 3 premiere. You are going to see ARÓN FUCKING PIPER on the red carpet.” She screamed so loud that I think the neighbors heard everything she said. I blocked and I look at the open envelop. “You are kidding me?” I yelled and I start dancing too.

I’m new in acting and everything, I just got a role in the new series called “Toy Boy” and it’s my first big role. This invitation was a surprise but I think my manager has something do to with this. I was so obsessed with Élite when the first season appeared on Netflix, I love the story line and also, I had a huge crush on Arón Piper, like the other thousands of girls. “We need to find you a fit for the event.” My friend said serious and I rolled my eyes. The rest of the day I spend it searching for some interesting outfits.  

A while ago when I started to shoot for Toy Boy, I went to a private Netflix event and I was so close to meet him. But he left with a problem and I could meet the rest of the cast. I’m a good friend with Ester, Mina and Danna, we are meeting every weekend and we are having brunch at a small and chic restaurant.  “The dreams are over, puta, cause you my friend are going to finally meet him.” My friend talk with her mouth filled of noodles and I laugh, taking a sip from my wine. “Yeah, I’m kinda afraid of this. Just imagine, what if I’m going to step on something and I will fall or something and he will see that and OMG.” I put my hands on my face terrified and it’s my friend turn to laugh. “Look, amor, you are funny, gorgeous and very smart. Don’t let emotions destroy your chance with him.” She said serious and I nodded. “But if he doesn’t like me at all? I’m not thinking at a relationship because I’m not that childish but if he doesn’t like me?” “Then is a very stupid man.” She said and take another huge bite.

The day of event came and now I’m struggling with my anxiety and, also, my hair. I’m on my hotel room waiting for my hair and makeup stylists to do their job, I’m so nervous and so excited in the same time. And I’ve the weird feeling right now. I heard a knock and I hurry to the door. “Ester?” the blonde girl jumps on me and we hugged tight. “Why don’t you tell us that you are coming to the premiere?” she asked and take a sit on my bed. “I wanted to be a surprise.” I smiled and she smirks. “You know that in this hotel are almost the entire cast of Élite, including Mr. Piper.” Ester winked and I blushed. She figured out a long time ago that I like Arón and she advised me to let everything chill for the moment because he is complicated. “I know now.” I look in other direction and I heard a knock again. My stylists come in and Ester went, but first she told me that I should come with their limo. “I already talk with Carlo and I’m coming with him and his girlfriend. Thank you, hermosa.” I kiss her cheeks and we promise to see each other at the premiere.

 After 4 hours, I was ready to go in a small pink and shiny dress, having a pair of white sandals and some tight wave. I look at my sparkly makeup and my manager made some photos for her Instagram. “Carlo is here.” She informed me and I look again in the mirror. “You look amazing. Now, go or they will leave without you.” She pushed me from behind and I took my clutch in a hurry. Carlo and his girlfriend wait for me in the lobby, at the entry I saw Mina, Omar and Arón waiting for their limo. When my group passed them, I stopped to give them my congratulations. “You look absolutely stunning. Congrats for the season 3.” I said and my gaze went to everyone and stopped on the breath-taking guy which is analyzing me. My cheeks got red and after a small chit-chat with Mina, I got in my car.

“You are so in love” Carlo comments and I pinch his arm over the suit. “And he seems like he his liking you too.” I rolled my eyes and he pinch my arm. “Be careful amigo, you can start a war that it’s already over for you.” I joked and he laughs. “Of course.” He smirks and takes his girlfriend in a hug. I want what they have.

At the event we need to take some photos on the red carpet and we arrived too soon so we need to wait for the Élite cast. We wait on the said and I drink without stopping, like 2 or 3 glasses of champagne. “Look who is here.”  Carlo’s girlfriend pointed me the spot when the limos are stopping and I saw him getting out of the car, followed by Mina, Omar, Ester, Miguel and Alvaro. My legs are shaking right now. We let them to do interviews and photos, after them Carlo drag me in front of the blinding lights and a lot of cameras and microphones are around me. “(Y/N), look here. Give us a smile.” The photographers yelled at me and I try to keep up. After the photo session, a guy stopped me for an interview. “How do you think the new season would be?” he asked and I smiled. “Explosive. That’s the word that defines the new season.” “What’s your favorite character?” “I love them all, but more specific, I adore Nadia, Ander and Lu. For me they are the most powerful characters in Élite.” I respond and he asks me other questions about my career and my new role.

At a moment, when I thought that everything is done on the red carpet, Arón passed me and some photographer yelled at us for a photo together. We gazed each other and Arón smiles. “Come here.” He comes closer and puts his hand around my waist. “You look incredible tonight.” He bends and whispers, while the photographers catch the moment. “I don’t outdo you.” I replied blushing and a cute smile rose on his beautiful face. After the photos, we went in opposite directions.

“Finally, you are done. Come, let me introduce you to Arón.” Ester grabbed my arm and she dragged me on the ball room. “Arón, bom-bom, she is one of my besties, (Y/N), she is playing in Toy Boy.” She pushed me from behind and I almost fall in his arms. “Hi.” He said simple and I blushed like a little girl. “Hola.” I respond and I didn’t know what to say so we stayed in silence for a couple of minutes. I just listen to the music on the background and I pay attention to his conversation, and I know it’s inappropriate but I didn’t know what to do next.

I wanted to go away and find someone who I can talk to but he stopped me. “Sorry, I’m such a douche. I’m Arón, nice to meet you. I think I never had the opportunity to meet you in person. I heard some many things about you.” I shake his hand smiling and he smiled too. “I hope are good things.” He laughed at my remark and I blushed. We started to have a normal and relaxing conversation about acting and his next projects. I told him that I’m so excited for him and he is a very funny person. “I wanted to talk more with you, but now my duty calls.” He winked and before go on the stage he placed a small kiss on my cheek. I can tell that place, where he kissed me, burned for a while.

 In the rest of the night we didn’t intersect and I left after an hour because next day I had a fly in the morning. I’m going to visit my family in my hometown.

 After 7 days.

 It’s been a week from the event and me and Arón don’t stop talking from then. I’m starting to catch feelings for him. He is such a nice and talkative person. He asked me on a date a while ago and today is the big day. He didn’t tell me where we are going, but he informed me to dress comfortable. I pinned my hair in a bun, I put on some shorts and a flower print top. I get out of my apartment and his car is parked in front of my block. He leans on her and smiles provocatively and beautiful. “You look amazing.” He comments and I blushed. “Look, you even don’t need blush.” He jokes about my red cheeks. I get in his car after he hugged me tight and he parfum replace my entire air.

He drove to the peripheries of the Madrid and he stopped the car next to a forest. “You are going to kill me now?” I joked and he smirks. “Of course, but first we eat, then I can kill you with the butter knife.” He continues the joke and he get out. Arón took a basket and a blanket from the backseat and in the other hand he takes my hand. We walk on a small path to nowhere, but I see that he knows the way. We finally stopped and I looked over his shoulder and I could see a glade shaded by tall trees. Small rays of light illuminate the place and I’m able to heard the birds' chirp. I’ve never seen a place like this. Is beyond beautiful and because he brings me here, makes my heart melting.

“It’s amazing.” I said and he smiled nervously. “I thought you wouldn’t like it.” “I love it. How you find it?” “Let’s set up everything and I will tell you.” We put together the blanket and while I’m putting the food on the said, he went back to the car to get drinks and napkins.

“So, tell me.” I said curiously and he nodded. Arón have his head in my lap and my fingers are playing with his short hair. He is finishing chowing a grape and when my hand went down on his face, he kissed my back of the hand. “So, I loved a girl so much a while ago, before playing in Élite, and she broke my heart. I found this place after the breakup. I decided to bring here the girl I like the most.” His words filled my mind with a lot of thoughts. “You like me?” I mumbled smiling and he nodded. “I’ve had a crush on you and when I saw you at our premiere, I thought it’s a sign. I know you had a crush on me too, Ester told me after the premiere. (Y/N), babygirl, you are lighting my life right now.” He raised his head and I prone mine, our lips meet each other in a small and cute kiss. His lips taste like cigarettes and fruits. “You taste like a candy.” He smirks and I giggle. “I can’t believe this is real. Weeks ago I didn’t know how to talk to you and look at us now.” We kissed again, this time more passional and after we confess our feelings for each other, we enjoy the food and we took a lot of photos.

I feel inside me my love growing and I know, actually, I’m sure that our life together will be the most amazing and exciting thing ever.

[probably-writing-x]

Friendly Question

Ander x Reader

Request by anon: hey if you’re still doing requests. Can you do a imagine where the reader has been best friends with Guzman , Polo and Ander since they were kids. They’re all really close but especially Guzman and the reader and they’re all like touchy and flirty but as just friends. But Ander likes the reader and finically confesses and the reader likes him back. 

Gif is not my own 

Requests are open

“Alright, do hypothetically, if I weren’t to do any revision for this test tomorrow - how bad could it be?” Ander asks cautiously as the waiter leaves the food at your table.

“You’re kidding? Ander I practically gave you the answers!” Guzmán exclaims, “All you need to do is remember them.”

“You have to agree though, it’s ridiculously dull!” He scoffs, taking the other empty seat beside you.

You, him, Guzmán and Polo had all come out for dinner and drinks at the local restaurant- a regular occurrence nowadays.

“Tell him (Y/n),” Guzmán sighs, taking a few chips from your plate whilst you’re distracted.

“Hey!” You exclaim, hitting his hand away, “I asked you if you wanted chips and you said no.”

“Well it’s more fun to take them from your plate,” He jeers, leaning in close to you as he speaks with a grin.

You push his head away, “I’ll give you my leftovers, like a dog.”

He laughs and turns back to the other boys, “What were we talking about? Oh, right, Ander.”

“Yeah, whatever,” He rolls his eyes, “I’ll read your notes tonight.”

You’d been friends with these three boys for as long as you could remember. Spending near enough every single day in their company. Everybody you knew grew used to the fact that you were always together, and all of your family understood that inviting you to an event meant inviting the three tag-alongs also. It was just the way it had always been.

- - - - - -

The next day, you’re at school for swim practice - all three boys sat at poolside whilst you finish your lengths for the day.

“What are you laughing at?” You roll your eyes as you push yourself out of the water, reaching for your towel.

Guzmán turns to the other boys and they snicker about something all together, “Nothing, nothing.”

“Come on, what is it?” You question once again, hitting him with the towel.

“We’re making bets on how likely it is that Mrs Anderson has a crush on you,” Polo laughs, nodding in the direction of one of the coaches.

“On me?” You scoff, “I think she’s looking at you more than me, Guzmán.”

“Can you blame her?” Guzmán jeers, standing up and reaching out for your sides as he starts to tickle you.

“Don’t start with that!” You fight back, trying to push his hands away, “Don’t you dare!”

Guzmán laughs as he continues to tickle you until you manage to wrestle him to the poolside and both of you lose your balance - landing in the water with an immense splash.

“Fucking hell guys!” Ander exclaims, grabbing a towel to dry off from where he’d been caught in the backfire.

“(Y/n)! Guzmán!” One coach yells, “Both of you, out now!”

You look to Guzmán who flicks his hair out of his face and laughs, pushing himself to the side of the pool and hopping out.

“All your fault (Y/l/n).”

As you’re walking towards the side of the pool where coach was waiting, you’re oblivious to Ander following your path. You don’t pay much attention to it at all. The way his eyes focus solely on you, flitting only once to Guzmán as he questions for the umpteenth time - what does he have that I don’t?

“You okay man?” Polo asks his friend, nudging him to catch his attention.

“Yeah, yeah,” Ander nods, shaking away from his focus on you as he turns back to Polo.

Silence falls between them momentarily as Polo watches the next round of swimmers run through their drills.

“Do you think there’s something between (Y/n) and Guzmán?” Ander asks cautiously, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible as he speaks.

“(Y/n) and Guzmán?!” Polo laughs, “Come on, you know that would never happen! And Guzman’s head over heels for Nadia, even if there was a possibility that him and (Y/n) could happen.”

“No I don’t mean from Guzman’s perspective, I mean like... do you think (Y/n) could like him?” Ander persists, watching as you and Guzmán turn back around from where you’d just been yelled at by the coach.

Guzmán slings an arm over your shoulder and traps you in a headlock, ruffling your hair. He did it with such ease.

“What are you talking about? Why does it matter anyway?” Polo frowns, “It’s not like-“

“Hey guys!” You speak up as you walk back over to the pair of them, “You look awfully deep in thought.”

“Just... talking about tonight,” Ander explains quickly, scratching at the back of his neck, “Right Polo?”

Polo looks at his friend suspiciously before turning back to you, “Right, yeah, tonight.”

You laugh and drop down to sit on the floor in front of them, “What a poorly convincing lie.”

“Maybe they were gossiping about us,” Guzmán jokes as he takes the third seat on the bench, letting your head rest against his knee as he does.

Anders eyes stay focused on the point of contact like it held all the meaning in the world. He knew it seemed practically impossible for anything to happen with you and Guzmán. But there was always the possibility. And that was what he focused on. Because realising you might have feelings for one of his best friends was one thing, but it had nothing compared to the realisation that he might have feelings for you.

- - - - - -

“Do you guys think we’ll all still be friends in like ten years time?” Polo asks as he flops back down onto the hammock in your garden.

“What?” Guzmán laughs, “Why are you thinking about that?”

You and him were occupying the other hammock as you sat beside each other, his legs long enough to push it back and forth like a swing. Ander and Polo sat in the same position on the other hammock.

“I don’t know, I guess I was just thinking about how much could change,” Polo shrugs, having not been completely himself recently anyway, “Will I still be with Carla? Will I still know you guys?”

“Fucking hell, what did you put in your beer?” You scoff, “Of course we’ll still be friends.”

“You think so?” Ander speaks up, having not said much at all all night.

“Only because I know you guys couldn’t live without me,” You jab Guzman’s ribs and he laughs.

“I’d practically crash and burn (Y/l/n).”

Ander swallows the lump in his throat and tries to return the smile you send his way when you catch his eye. Really, he doesn’t want to be smiling back, he wants nothing more than to completely focus on that smile on your face and remember it being solely focused on him. But it’s fleeting, and Guzmán is saying something to make you laugh before he can do anything more.

You four stay like that for a while, beers on supply as you’re chatting - about anything and nothing. You were relieved to have these boys around you, especially after how much had happened recently. And you were pretty certain you’d still know them all by the time ten years went by. You were friends beyond school, and they meant a lot to you. Nothing bad enough could happen that would change that. Right?

“Right, Im heading in - should we set up a game?” Polo suggests, pushing himself up from the hammock as he speaks.

“Only if you don’t die in the first five minutes,” Guzmán scoffs, “I’ll end up carrying the team yet again.”

“I’ll be right in, just need to clear up out here,” You nod, “The controllers are in the-“

“Cupboard underneath the speakers,” Guzmán finishes for you, ruffling your hair as he stands up, “I know (Y/l/n).”

You roll your eyes and watch as the two of them walk inside, leaving only you and Ander, “You can go in if you want, I’ll clear up out here.”

“No, that’s okay. I’ll help,” He encourages, going to grab a few of the bottles before he stops and stands up properly, “Can I ask you something?”

You pause and set down the bottles in your hand, “Of course.”

“Do you think you’d ever have... I don’t know, like ever have feelings for...” He stops and shakes a hand through his hair, “Do you think you’d ever have feelings for Guzmán?”

You’re taken aback instantly, “Guzmán? Are you kidding?”

“I don’t know, you guys always seem so... close? And you-“

“Ander, its nothing more than friends between me and him. Come on man, I treat him like a brother,” You laugh, “You do make me laugh Ander.”

“Do you think you treat us all like brothers?”

You look up at him once again, “What are you talking about?”

“I don’t know, do you think you’d see us all as brothers? Or do you think you see all of us differently?”

“Well, with Guzmán, that’s the way it’s always been. We’ve always been close but we’ve always both known that we treat each other like family. With Polo, I lose my patience with him a lot, and he pisses me off, but he’s always there for us - that never changes. And with you... what do you think?”

He looks down, “I don’t know.”

“I told you that you were a terrible liar.”

He chuckles a little, “I don’t know... I guess I’ve just always thought...”

“I think I’ve always thought too,” You smile, “It’s different, right?”

“Different, yeah.”

You go to respond again but you’re stopped by the sound of the back door opening.

“Come on guys, how long does it take to bring in some bottles?” Guzmán yells, “And I’m ordering pizza, so If you don’t hurry up, you’re not having any food.”

“We’ll be there now,” You return, not tearing your gaze away from Ander.

You bend down once again and grab the bottles, watching as he does the same without another word. He goes to walk inside ahead of you but you rush to catch up before he can. It’s a simple gesture as you place a kiss to his cheek quickly.

“It’s different.”

[ghostwise]

🌼, 🌲, and 🍁for renata? 👀

🌼 Who are this characters friends and found family? How did they meet, how long have they been friends for, could they ever be something more than just friends? What do they look for in a friend or a romantic partner?

Ren is so easygoing, she really won't bother with a friendship or a relationship that feels like it doesn't fit. If there's no spark, there's no spark, and that's fine! But I honestly feel that DA2 is the exact definition of found family. That mansion winds up feeling nice and cozy with everyone being around at all hours of the day. Full answers are under the cut, since it got really long :)

Merrill: She met Merrill just a few weeks after arriving in Kirkwall, and because they were both still reeling from the Blight, and from having to flee the only home they'd ever known, she found a lot of comfort in sharing the experience with someone. They learned their way around town together! Getting lost isn't as much of a crisis when you're with a friend after all. Merrill also used what she knew about healing magic to help Bethany recover from her traumatic injury after her encounter with the ogre darkspawn. They grow much closer after Ren returns from the Deep Roads. (Absence makes the heart grow fonder, makes Merrill realize that Kirkwall isn’t Kirkwall without Hawke~)

Varric: They met during her first few months in Kirkwall and immediately clicked. The joking around, the unconditional love and support, it just came naturally to them. They're platonic soulmates that bring out the shenanigans in each other, to the point that most people that meet them think they're an item. Eventually Varric discreetly pays off the debt Hawke's family owed the smugglers that helped them enter Kirkwall with falsified documents. She always suspects, but she never brings it up...

Anders: Ren met Anders a couple of years later, when he first set up his clinic. Because Bethany was still experiencing symptoms from her injury, Anders was able to perform more effective healing magic. Thanks to this, Bethany was left with nothing but light sensitivity as a symptom, and began working in the clinic, gaining confidence in her abilities as a mage. It's mage solidarity babes. He’s super protective of the whole bunch, and Ren jokingly calls him the ‘family physician.’

(Anders was actually Renata's canon LI for the longest time, and I do still love his romance! But I can only take so much of the 'im bad for you, ill hurt you, we shouldnt’ shit. Realistically, Ren would back off at the first rebuff. Since Blackwall is my Lavellan's LI and has a similar dynamic, I was like, ok, one of these sad lying white bois has got 2 go...)

Isabela: Ren met Isabela a few months before leaving for the Deep Roads, which made for odd timing. Though they got on well, there were a few weeks where everyone thought they weren't coming back; so for Isabela that led to some uncomfortable grief. They hadn't grown particularly close. When Renata and Varric finally returned, it was like someone coming back from the dead. Over time they built a friendship that is easygoing and gentle. Like a calm sea.

Fenris: I think their friendship was the slowest to develop, simply because Fenris is so wary of forming close relationships. He doesn't want to hurt people, and he doesn't want to be hurt by magic. Ren isn't one to push boundaries. Surprisingly, this means it's actually Bethany who connects with him first.

Ren was very much like... "I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but I'm here if you need to talk, and I care about you". Bethany was the one popping in like "I brought you cookies! Yes I know I wasn't invited. You should come over, Isabela's reading pornography in an Orlesian accent."

By the by? Fenris LOVES Leandra. He spends more time sipping tea with her and chatting than running around fighting giant spiders with Varric and Ren. Understandable, I suppose.

She’s also close with Feynriel, Bodahn, Sandal, and Keeva (OC).

TLDR: fambily

I love them to pieces, so from a writing standpoint, I feel like I'm barely scratching the surface in terms of exploring their relationship dynamics.

🌲 How deeply does your OC feel? Are they typically empathetic or do they have a hard time connecting with others in this way? What are they like when offering support and comfort to someone they care for?

Answered this one here! :)

🍁 Where does your OC go when they need to have some time to themself? Would they ever have their own “comfort corner” filled with all the things they like? Do they have a favourite spot outside that feels like its theirs and theirs alone?

They spend a year crammed into Gamlen's one-bedroom Lowtown apartment, and Hawke doesn't even want to go home at the end of the day. Eventually the family earns enough that they can move out to a two-bedroom apartment, and though she still has to share a room with her mother, at least there's some space to breathe. When they move to Hightown her balcony becomes her favorite place in the world: sunlight, plants, books, and enough space to bring a few friends in there for a drink!

Varric’s suite at the Hanged Man is a close second. The first night back from the Deep Roads, that’s where the whole family piled in to sleep; no one slept alone. It was the moment she realized she had some truly special people in her life.

[bunnygirl330]

𝙰𝚕𝚕 𝙸 𝚆𝚊𝚗𝚝;

pairing:  ander muñoz x omar shana, background guzman nunier osuna x nadia shana

genre: fluff, light angst, future au- established relationship

word count: 15.0k

warnings: mean homophobic dad 

summary: Ander and Omar are left babysitting for a night and Ander starts thinking of the possibilities of their future. What will happen when Omar's not so sure if their plans for the future are the same?

a/n: I'm not an expert on surrogacy, adoption or pregnancy so please forgive me for any mistakes. Facts about that stuff in Spain is hard to get so most of it is based off American/British facts. Also I know that surrogacy isn't legal in Spain but I didn't find out until half-way through writing this so just imagine that it is.The title comes from the song All I Want by Kodaline which I was listening to whilst writing this. I loved writing this story so much so I hope you all enjoy reading it. And also a huge thank you to my beta ( @alytavzla​ ) because I couldn't have done it without her! AO3

part one - part two

Omar heard a knocking at the door and realised that it must be Guzman and Nadia as he and Ander had agreed to babysit for them today so that they could have a date night.

“Ander, they’re here!” Omar shouted through to the bedroom before he moved towards the door. Omar opened the door just as Ander emerged from the bedroom, drying his hair with a towel. As soon as it was open little footsteps went crashing through the apartment towards Ander.

“Uncle Ander!” The little girl shouted as she ran and hugged him around the legs, almost knocking him off his feet. Ander started laughing and ruffled her hair before he picked her up and carried her back towards the others.

“I swear to god I feel like that kid loves you two more than she loves us sometimes.” Guzman said, laughing, as he entered the apartment, hugging both Omar and Ander on his way in. Nadia did the same before they made their way into the kitchen where Ander placed the three-year-old down so that she was sat on the kitchen island with her ankles dangling off the edge so that he could remove her shoes.

“Thank you guys so much for doing this.” Nadia said “I feel like we haven’t had a day to ourselves in forever, but you’ll get it when you have kids.” She said casually, smiling in her daughter’s direction. Omar’s head shot up at this remark, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable. Sure, he’d thought about having kids before, he and Ander had been married for almost six years, but they were only 29 and he didn’t know if they were ready for that kind of responsibility. However, when he looked over at Ander, he was just smiling in Nadia’s direction as he finished pulling the last shoe off his niece’s tiny foot. “Marina, are you gonna be ok with Uncle Omar and Uncle Ander?” Nadia asked as Marina started nodding her head vigorously. Guzman had wanted to name their daughter after his sister saying that it was almost like giving her another chance at life, even if it was almost 10 years after her death, and Nadia had whole-heartedly agreed.

“We’ll be fine,” Ander said looking in the direction of his sister-in-law. “won’t we?” He finished looking down at Marina before starting to tickle her, sending shrieks of laughter echoing through the flat.

“I think that’s our cue to leave.” Guzman said, chuckling at his daughter’s glee. “Come on, she’ll be fine.” he continued as he began to push his wife towards the door. “Everything you’ll need is in the bag and we’ll be back at noon tomorrow to pick her up. Have fun!” He shouted and then pulled Nadia out the door before she could change her mind.

———

Omar and Ander spent the day with Marina, having tickle fights, (in which Omar and Marina would team up and therefore Ander inevitably lost) building forts, (one of which collapsed on top of Omar’s head, which made Marina and Ander roll around on the floor in hysterics) and watching Disney movies. However, when they were in the middle of Cinderella, Marina asked why it was always a prince and a princess and never two princesses or two princes like her uncles so Omar decided it was time to make dinner instead of having a discussion about the long history of homophobia with a three-year-old.

It was now seven o’clock and Ander was busy helping Marina brush her teeth so that they could put her to bed so when the phone started to ring Omar went to grab it.

“Hello, Omar speaking.” He answered.

“Omar, I’m so glad you picked up I thought the two of you might be out.” Came the voice down the phone.

“Oh my god, Lu!” Omar exclaimed, “It’s so nice to hear from you, you haven’t called for like a week, I thought you might have disappeared.” He said chuckling at his friend’s constant need for contact with them.

“Hey!” Lu yelled, annoyed that Omar was mocking her but also laughing since she knew it was true. Lu had become much closer with Omar and Ander after she moved to New York with Nadia, she had even been one of the bridesmaids at their wedding. But when their time at Columbia had ended they both got offered jobs in New York, Nadia had declined in order to come back home and live with Guzman but Lu had accepted and stayed and had lived in New York ever since. “Anyway, I’m on my lunch break ‘cause it’s one o’clock here, but I only have a certain amount of time and I need to talk to both of you. Is Ander there?”

“Yeah, he’s here but we’ve been babysitting Marina all day so he’s getting her ready for bed.” Omar said as he started walking towards the spare bedroom that he’d seen Ander carry Marina into a few minutes before.

“Oh, you have Marina there?” Lu exclaimed excitedly, “Can I talk to her?”

“Of course, just give me one second.” Omar said as he entered the spare room and settled onto the end of the bed beside Ander who was tucking Marina in. “Guess who’s on the phone!” He said to Marina as she looked at him sleepily, worn out from the days activities.

“Who?” She asked, sleepy but still intrigued.

“Auntie Lu!” Omar replied, putting the phone on speaker and holding it between the three of them.

“Yay! Auntie Lu!” Marina cried shooting upwards to get closer to the phone.

“Hey sweet girl,” Lu said and began chatting to the little girl for the next ten minutes. The three of them stayed on the phone with Lu until 7:30 when Marina started to fall asleep and Ander decided to switch the light off and quietly leave the room.

“Hey so you said you wanted to talk to us about something.” Omar said into the phone as he and Ander settled onto the couch.

“Oh, yes, of course.” Lu mumbled, remembering why she had called in the first place. “I have some time off work so I wanted to come back to Madrid for a week and I was wondering if I could stay in your spare room?”

“That’s great that you’re coming home, and of course you can stay with us.” Ander replied looking up from the phone towards Omar who also had a large smile, seeming very happy that their friend was returning, even if only for a short period. “When are you coming though?”

“I was hoping to come two weeks from now if that isn’t too soon fro you guys? I also have something really important that I want to tell you but I’d rather do it in person.”

“It’s not too soon at all, we can’t wait to see you!” Omar said happily. The three of them chatted, discussing details of the trip for another 20 minutes before Lu had to go because her lunch break was over and said she’d call again soon, all of them saying goodbye and then hanging up the phone.

———

It was later that night and Ander was lying in bed while Omar was finishing undressing.

“Hey, can I talk to you about something?” Ander said as he looked towards Omar who was now climbing into the bed beside him.

“Sure, what’s up?” He replied as he settled down and began to stroke his fingers through Ander’s soft curls.

“It’s just that, earlier, when Nadia made that comment about us having our own kids, I saw your face and you looked terrified. I guess I just always assumed that it was something that you wanted but… maybe it isn’t?” Ander felt nervous as he looked up into Omar’s eyes, suddenly scared that Omar would say he didn’t want any of that. Because Ander wanted all of that, he wanted it a lot. Sometimes he just found himself daydreaming about he and Omar running around with their own child just like they did with Marina, he didn’t care how hard Nadia said it was, he wanted it more than anything.

“Hey, no, it wasn’t that I don’t want that. Of course I want a family with you.” Omar said and Ander felt a flood of relief wash through him at hearing those words. “I just looked scared because I knew that you would want to talk about it as soon as I heard Nadia mention it and... I’ve been thinking about it for a while but I didn’t know how to tell you. I think we should start trying to figure out how we’re gonna have a baby. I mean you’ve been thinking about it, I’ve been thinking about it, it just seems like the right time, don’t you think?”

Ander felt tears fill his eyes as a wide smile press across his face. At first he said nothing and simply pulled Omar towards him and kissed him. Once he pulled back he said “You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to hear that.”

“So what do we want to do? Adoption? Surrogacy?” Omar said, speeding up as panic started to set in.

“I don’t know. I think we should talk to Nadia and Guzman, they’ll know how to help us. Besides we don’t need to talk about that right now, I’m just happy.” Ander said as he reached across Omar turning the lamp off before wrapping his arms around his husband as they both fell into a blissful sleep, dreaming about the family that they were about to create.

———

The next morning arrived and so did Nadia and Guzman at precisely 12 o’clock.

“Mama!” Marina shrieked as she saw Nadia walk through the door and ran into her arms as Nadia picked her up and spun her round. Meanwhile Guzman walked over to the kitchen, after kissing his daughter on the cheek and ruffling her hair, where Ander was preparing lunch for the five of them.

“Hey man, how was your night?” Ander asked Guzman as he started helping him peel vegetables.

“Well we didn’t get much sleep if you know what I mean.” Guzman replied laughing while Ander simply rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“Dude, would you shut up? That’s my sister you’re talking about.” Omar yelled as he’d overheard them from where he was stood talking to Nadia. But that just made Guzman laugh more and Ander found that he couldn’t help himself either. Nadia, however, did not find the situation funny and slapped Guzman gently across the face after sitting her daughter down in front of the television. Seeing Guzman rub his slightly pink cheek made Omar and Ander laugh even more while Nadia simply smiled to herself while leaning over the kitchen counter.

“Anyway,” Ander said, trying to move the subject away from Nadia and Guzman’s sex life. “we need to talk to you about a couple of things so do you think we could just let Marina eat on the couch so that we can chat?”

“Yeah, of course, but what do you need to talk about?” Nadia asked looking concerned but simultaneously still glaring at her husband.

“Nothing bad, let me just finish up here and then we can talk.” Ander replied.

Ten minutes later Ander had served lunch to everyone and the four of them were gathered around the kitchen island while Marina sat on the couch, enthralled in some sort of cartoon.

“So the first thing is that Lu is coming to stay in a couple of weeks, we said she could stay with us but my guess is you’ll want to see her too.” Omar began looking across the island towards Nadia and Guzman. Nadia’s face lit up as a huge smile came across her face at the thought of one of her best friends coming home.

“Oh my god that’s amazing! I can’t wait to see her, it’ll be so nice to have another girl around here for a while. No offence.” Nadia said looking up at the guys.

“None taken.” Ander said, laughing at Nadia’s child-like glee at the thought of Lu coming back, even if it was just for a week.

“Oh goody, my ex-girlfriend’s coming home.” Guzman said sarcastically, causing Nadia to punch him hard in the shoulder. It wasn’t that Guzman didn’t like Lu, it was just that he couldn’t help but find the relationship between his wife and his ex slightly odd. He was also put off by the fact that his daughter could find out exactly how they knew her Auntie Lu, and he didn’t like that at all. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding.” He said looking towards Nadia while rubbing his upper arm, starting to get slightly pissed off at the physical abuse he was receiving from his wife. “Anyway, what’s the other thing you wanted to tell us?” He continued, looking ahead towards his best friend and brother-in-law.

“Well…” Ander started, looking sideways, towards Omar who nodded for him to continue. “We were talking last night and we decided that… we really want to have a baby.” Nadia gasped and put her hands up to her mouth in excitement while Guzman clapped his hands fist pumped the air. Ander looked over at Omar, chuckling softly, and wrapped his arm around Omar’s waist, pulling him closer.

“So how are you gonna do it?” Nadia asked getting straight down to business, “Are you gonna adopt or use a surrogate?”

“We don’t know.” Omar answered “We were hoping you could help us with that?”

“Hand me a pen and paper, we’ll make some sort of list and you can decide using that. I always find it easier to make a decision when I can see it on paper.” Nadia said, being the smart one in the situation, as always. The four of them spent the next 40 minutes coming up with pros and cons and this is what they got:

Surrogacy:

Pros:

One person will be biologically related to the child

They’ll be more involved with the pregnancy

They’re guaranteed they’ll know the baby from the moment its born

They won’t have to wait too long

Cons:

It’s really expensive

One person still won’t be biologically related to the child and they would have to decide who

They would have to find someone to be their surrogate because they wouldn’t want a stranger

It might not work on the first go

It might be harder because they’re gay

Adoption:

Pros:

Gives a child a home

They wouldn’t have to pick who was related to the child

They could know the baby from when it’s born if they find the right adoption agency

Cons:

Also quite expensive

Could take a really long time

No one will be related to the child

They might not experience the pregnancy or the birth

It might be harder because they’re gay

“So, here’s what we’ve established.” Nadia said looking up at the other three with a serious look on her face. “Surrogacy means one of you would be the biological father of the child, but it’s a lot more expensive than adoption. Adoption means you would be giving a child a home but it could take years for you to go through the system. And in either case the fact that you’re not a heterosexual couple could harm your chances. So, does that help you at all?” She asked hopefully.

“I mean, I think I know what I want.” Ander said looking cautiously towards Omar, “What about you?”

“I think we should go with surrogacy, don’t you?” Omar asked, “We’ve been waiting for this for long enough already and I don’t want to wait any longer.”

Ander simply placed a chaste kiss on Omar’s lips and replied, “That’s exactly what I was thinking.”

Nadia couldn’t contain herself any longer and let out a little shriek of excitement that was very out of character for her, and went round and hugged Omar and Ander as Guzman did the same. The four of them continued chatting for another half hour before they noticed that Marina had fallen asleep on the couch and Guzman and Nadia decided it was best if they took her home. They all said goodbye and then the three of them left, Guzman carrying his daughter’s sleeping form in his arms as they made their way towards the elevator.

———

The next two weeks went by in a complete blur for Ander and Omar. Firstly they had to start research on surrogacy, how much it would cost, where they would need to go, etc. They found out that Nadia hadn’t been kidding when she said it wasn’t cheap but luckily they both had well-paying jobs and enough savings to easily go through with it. As well as this they were making arrangements with Lu for when she arrived and they were helping out with picking up Marina from her new preschool when Nadia and Guzman couldn’t make it back from work in time.

It was now the night before Lu would arrive and the two of them were cuddled up on the couch, both exhausted from the hectic two weeks they’d just had. Omar and Ander now co-owned and ran one of the biggest nightclubs in their area. After high school they had both done business degrees and now Ander ran the money side of things while Omar handled the day-to-day running of the club. They loved running the business together, mostly because they were their own bosses and therefore got to pick their own hours, but with work on top of everything else they’d been doing, they both felt completely drained.

“I’m so fucking tired.” Ander complained as he rested his head back on Omar’s chest, “I’m so glad Lu’s plane doesn’t land till 2:30, if I had to get up any earlier than 11 tomorrow I think I might die of sleep deprivation.” he finished as Omar chuckled at his husband’s ability to make everything so dramatic.

“So I was thinking earlier,” Omar began, looking down at Ander who had sat up slightly to listen to him. “we’ve been so caught up in all the formalities of the surrogacy stuff that we haven’t even thought about who our surrogate could be.”

“Urghh” Ander let out a groan at the thought of having to try and figure out yet another part of this never-ending system. “Well, we need someone we know, but we can’t ask any colleagues, whether they’re our friends or not, ‘cause technically we’re their bosses and that would be a violation of HR.”

Omar let out an internal sigh at hearing Ander say this because, even though he knew that was true, it ruled out a large proportion of the women they felt close enough to to ask them to carry their baby. “Then I have no idea who to ask.” Omar sighed, looking defeated.

“What about Nadia?” Ander suggested, looking up to where Omar was massaging his temples to try and prevent yet another migraine.

“No, I don’t want to ask Nadia.” Omar said, deciding to expand on that after he saw the questioning look on Ander’s face at his quick and defiant answer. “It’s just that I know if we asked then she would say yes and I don’t want to put her and Guzman in that position. I think that Nadia would be fine with it, but I think Guzman might find it weird and it would be confusing for Marina. Plus, I’m not sure that Nadia would be as ok to give up the baby at the end of it all as she would pretend to be.” Ander simply nodded his head, understanding where Omar was coming from. “My first suggestion was gonna be Rebe.” Omar continued, “But, like you said, since she technically works for us, we can’t ask her.”

Ander put his head in his hands, his brain beginning to hurt from all the complications of this stupid process. Rebe would have been the perfect person; they’ve known her for a long time, she doesn’t have a partner who might find it awkward and she’s not exactly known for becoming massively emotionally attached to things. This entire process was starting to become way too overwhelming and Ander was starting to feel like he was drowning. But he wanted a family with Omar more than anything and if this was what it took to get it then so be it.

———

It was the next morning and Guzman and Nadia arrived at 1:30 with Marina so that they would be there as a surprise when Ander and Omar brought Lu back to the apartment. Marina was jumping around in excitement at the fact that she was going to see her Auntie Lu and Nadia almost looked as if she was going to join her. Nadia and Lu had lived together in New York for four years and they had been inseparable so, it was safe to say, that when Nadia returned to Spain it had been incredibly difficult for her without her best friend.

Ander and Omar arrived at the airport and, when they saw Lu coming out of of the gate, rushed towards her. They all hugged and exchanged excited greetings before Ander took her bags and they all made their way to the car.

They arrived back at the apartment at around 3:30 and when they opened the door Lu let out a loud squeal of excitement at seeing Nadia and Marina and ran towards them, hugging them very tightly.

Once everyone had calmed down and Lu had also greeted Guzman they all settled down at the dining table to eat the late lunch that Nadia had prepared, while Marina sat watching cartoons as she had eaten earlier.

Lu told them lots of exciting stories about New York and her job, Nadia and Guzman filled her in on the joys of parenthood, as well as the lack of sleep, and Omar and Ander informed her that the club was doing really well. After everyone had properly caught up with each other Lu said she needed to tell them all something.

“So, I have a surprise for you all.” She said a huge smile on her face as she mostly focused on Nadia. “I’m moving back home!” She exclaimed as Nadia ran around the table to hug her and the three guys laughed and Nadia’s giddy reaction while also congratulating Lu. “I got offered a much higher paying job here in Madrid and, as much as I love New York, I decided it was too good an opportunity not to take.”

“So, when are you moving back?” Guzman asked curiously.

“Umm… now!” Lu said looking slightly anxiously round the table as they all looked at her, shocked. “I know I’m kind of springing this on you all but I really wanted to tell you in person. And Ander, before you ask, no I’m not planning on staying here forever I’ve already bought my own apartment it’s just that it won’t be ready till next week.” She said, eyeing an amused looking Ander, as that had been exactly what he was about to ask.  

While everyone else was still in shock, Guzman got over it rather quickly and said, “Well, maybe with this new fancy job and big salary of yours, you’ll be able to pay me the €100 you owe me.” he looked towards Lu with amusement in his eyes, knowing exactly what he had just done.

Lu’s head shot up with a jolt and she turned towards Ander and Omar, “You two decided to have a baby?” She shrieked, looking happier than ever.

“What? How the fuck did you figure that out?” Ander said looking towards Omar who appeared just as bewildered as him. They had decided they weren’t going to tell anyone else until they’d picked a surrogate so the fact that Lu just blurted it out really didn’t help them.

“Oh, me and Guzman had a bet on for how long it was gonna take for you two to realise you both wanted kids. He said it would happen this year and I said it wouldn’t happen till later.” She said, making a waving gesture in the air as if that was something she could just brush aside. “But anyway how-”

She was interrupted from her next question by Ander who had began glaring at Guzman as if he wanted to strangle him which amused Guzman to no end. “So you two had a bet,” he started, now turning his gaze to Lu “on how long we would remain miserable and childless?” Omar, who had now caught up, was now staring at Lu with a look of disbelief on his face.

“And you said it would take us two years?” Omar asked incredulously.

“Well, you both really busy with work and…” she trailed off, unable to get out of the hole she’d dug herself into. “But that’s not what’s important,” She said, quickly recovering, “your going to have a baby!” she squealed as she rushed towards where they were sat and puled them both into her arms.

Ander and Omar couldn’t help smiling at the fact that their friend was so happy for them and quickly forgave her. However Omar thought it might take longer for Ander to forgive Guzman considering the way he was currently glaring at him as Guzman laughed at the scene before him.

———

The first few days went by quickly with Lu visiting everyone and dragging Ander and Omar along with her. As well as going to the club with Rebe, Carla, Samuel and even Nadia and Guzman as they’d managed to get a babysitter that wasn’t Omar or Ander.

Now it was three days since Lu had arrived and Ander and Omar were sat on the couch talking about the appointment they had tomorrow at the surrogacy clinic, as it was the closest time they were able to get one.

“They’re gonna ask us which one of us wants to be the biological father and we don’t even have an answer for them.” Ander whined as Omar brushed his fingers through his curls.

“Then we’ll figure it out, there must be some way of the doctor deciding without us having to do it.” Omar stated, attempting to reassure his husband that everything would go smoothly. They went back and forth for about ten minutes, Ander getting increasingly panicked and Omar still trying to calm him down.

“But we don’t even have a surrogate.” Ander said turning his head to look Omar in the eyes, “Surely we should have picked a surrogate before our first appointment, I know they said it wasn’t necessary but they did say it was better if we did.”

Omar was about to reply when Lu’s voice echoed towards them from where she was stood at the entrance to the spare room. “I’ll do it.” She said. They all stayed silent for at least a few minutes, Ander and Omar just staring at Lu as she stared right back.

“W-we can’t ask you to do that Lu.” Omar said looking at his friend as she made her way towards them and sat down on the coffee table so that she was facing them.

“You’re not asking, I’m offering.” She stated, as if it was the easiest decision she’d ever made. And in a way, for her, it was. Lu knew she’d done and said some pretty nasty things in her life and this would be a way to make up for that slightly, she would be helping the people that she loved get something that they wanted more than anything else in the world so, really, what more could she ask for.

“But Lu, you’d be giving up so much for nine months. You’d have to stop eating certain foods, you wouldn’t be able to drink, you might not be able to date and you’d even have to take time off work.” Ander said, still staring at Lu as if he didn’t quite believe he’d heard her right.

“I don’t care.” She said simply, “If it helps you, then I don’t care. I know how much this means to the both of you and it would be amazing if you thought I was good enough to do this for you. I mean everybody knows that I don’t get particularly attached to things so there’s no chance of me becoming overly attached to the baby and I could even live with you through the pregnancy, if that would be something that you wanted?” She asked tentatively.

Omar looked at Ander, a glimmer of hope in his eyes and Ander just nodded. “Lu, that would be amazing.” Omar said “But you have to be 100% certain that you’re willing to do this because, you know, once it’s done, there’s no going back.” Lu said that she was sure, but Omar was still uncertain so he said, “At least talk to the doctor tomorrow, so that you can understand how everything works before you agree.”

“Ok, I can do that.” Lu said, a wide smile breaking out across her face.

“Thank you.” Was all Ander said as he leaned forward and hugged Lu, tears rolling down his cheeks. Omar quickly joined in, tears also in his eyes and the three of them sat there hugging and crying happy tears for what felt like hours. Omar and Ander contemplating the fact that they were finally going to get the family they’d always wanted.

———

The next morning it was a rush to get out of the door, all three having slept in and not having nearly enough time to get ready. They eventually made it to the surrogacy clinic with five minutes to spare before the appointment, all cursing under their breath at the fact they had had to run three blocks because that was the closest parking spot they could find. Lu had particularly struggled considering she was in heels, but then again when was she not.

They all walked in to the doctor’s office and sat down in the chairs on the other side of her desk.

“Hi, I’m Dr Sánchez, it’s so lovely to meet you all.” She said shaking each of their hands as they all smiled and told her their names. “So, I take it you two are the happy couple,” she said gesturing between Omar and Ander, “and you’re their surrogate.” she gestured towards Lu and they all nodded. “So first of all we just need to go through few formalities.” She began as she pulled some forms from out of her desk, “I need some information on Lu first, mostly medical, but also about your relationship with Ander and Omar.”

Lu nodded and agreed but then Omar interrupted before they could go any further. “Sorry, I don’t mean to interrupt but I just wondered whether you could talk through the whole process with Lu first because we really care about her and we just want her to fully understand what she’d be going into.” He said looking between Dr Sánchez and Lu whilst he spoke.

“Of course,” the doctor replied, “we always want to make sure that all of our surrogates feel completely comfortable throughout the process.” She spent the next 30 minutes explaining the entire process to Lu including that the baby would not be biologically related to Lu as they would use an egg donor and that Lu would simply be growing the baby. However she also told Lu that it was likely to put a lot pressure on her body and that pregnancy would have lots of side effects both physically, hormonally and mentally. Lastly, the doctor explained that even though Lu was carrying the baby that after she signed the required forms she would have no legal right to any parenthood or visitations of the child and that once she did it there was no going back.

To the last part Lu replied saying “Oh yes, I understand that completely, this will be their child,” she looked towards Ander and Omar “I’m simply helping them get there.” she said.

“Perfect, I think that’s everything so if you’re sure then we can get back to these forms. Although you won’t sign the parenthood forms until the day of insemination so that you have time to back out between now and then.” Dr Sánchez stated, making sure Lu understood the legal formalities of the process. She then began asking Lu the questions on the forms which made Ander and Omar feel increasingly uncomfortable considering many of the questions were to do with Lu’s cervical and uterus health and Lu had to try and prevent herself from sniggering at the looks on the boys faces. The questions then moved onto the relationship between the parents and the surrogate. They had to say how they met, how long they’d known each other and whether Lu would continue to be in the baby’s life after the birth and if she was what role she would play.

“Okay, we’re all done with Lu’s questions.” The doctor said, turning to face Ander and Omar, “Now we need to know who’s going to be the biological father of the baby. Have you two made a decision yet?”

“Ummm no, we were hoping that was something you could help us with.” Ander said, looking hopeful, as he really didn’t want to have to make this decision.  

“Absolutely!” She replied, “What we would sometimes do would be to take samples off both of you and then you wouldn’t know who was the father, which is an option, but considering the two of you are of different ethnicities it would probably be quite obvious who was the father. Now that’s still something we can do, but there’s a list of questions that might help you to decide first.”

“Yeah, that sounds good.” Ander answered as Omar nodded his head.

“Okay, firstly, do either of you have any severe mental health conditions?” She asked to which they both shook their heads and she marked something down on the sheet in front of her. “Do either of you currently suffer from any of the following: diabetes, heart disease, high/low blood pressure or early-onset arthritis?” And they both shook their heads again, “Alright, next, have either of you ever suffered from a severe health condition at any point in your lives?”

“Oh shit, I didn’t even think about that.” Ander whispered as he looked sideways towards Omar and Lu, who both had looks of sympathy on their face, and then he remembered Dr Sánchez was still staring at them. “Sorry, I um, I suffered from leukaemia almost eleven years ago, when I was 18-years-old.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.” The doctor replied looking with pity towards Ander. “In terms of whether that means you could still father the child I wouldn’t say that it’s a massive disadvantage. However there is a possibility that it was genetic and therefore that you could pass it onto your children so it could be a better option to go with Omar.”

Omar looked towards Ander questioningly, “Look,” Omar began, “if this is something that you want then I’m willing to take that risk, ok? You got better and you’ve been clear for eleven years and I’m going to let that cancer take yet another thing away from you.”

Ander looked away from Omar and down at his knees before taking in a large breath and then exhaling whilst saying “No. No, I couldn’t do that. I won’t take that chance because I don’t want anyone to suffer the way that I did, especially not our child.”

“Does that mean we’re going with Omar?” Doctor Sánchez asked tentatively.

“Yes.” Ander said quickly before Omar could make any more arguments.

“Okay, perfect. That’s all I need from you today, Omar we’ll make an appointment for you to come back next week so that we can create the embryos and then we’ll make an appointment for the insemination at whatever time works best for the three of you.” With that the doctor stood up to shake all of their hands again before they exited the room and returned home.

———

The next two weeks went by incredibly slowly for Ander and Omar, as if the universe had decided to drag out their childless misery for just a bit longer. Lu got the keys to her new flat so they went shopping to fill it with furniture so she could move in with Lu repeatedly promising that she didn’t mind moving back in to live with Omar and Ander once she was pregnant. Omar also went back to the clinic a few days after the first appointment so that the doctor could create the embryos.

Now it was Tuesday, A.K.A the day of insemination, and the three of them were all sat in the clinic’s waiting room once again, waiting for Doctor Sánchez to call them in. When she finally did she greeted them before they all sat down.

“So today is the day.” She said, looking excited for them, even though she must be used to it by now. “Lu, I have some forms for you to sign but firstly you need to be completely sure that this is something you want to do.”

Ander and Omar looked nervously in her direction, both secretly praying she wouldn’t change her mind. “I’m sure.” Lu replied simply as she took the pen from Doctor Sánchez and quickly scribbled her signature onto the forms after scanning over them.

“Alright then,” Doctor Sánchez stated “Lu, you come with me so we can do the procedure, you two can stay here until its over and then we’ll come back through.”

Ander and Omar sat nervously chatting about anything other than children for the next 20 minutes. Neither could properly focus as they both felt anxious at whether this would work even if they wouldn’t know for the next few days.

Soon after Doctor Sánchez walked back into the room, followed swiftly by Lu, and took a seat back at her desk before turning back to the three of them. “Okay, so we’ve carried out the procedure but I’m afraid now you’re just going to have to wait. The earliest you’ll be able to find out if you’re pregnant could be in a few hours or it could take up to twelve days so it’s completely up to you when to take the pregnancy tests. Although if I were to give you advice then I would say to wait the twelve days and then take a test so that you can avoid any unnecessary disappointment.”

The four of them continued to discuss the details for a few more minutes before Ander, Omar and Lu thanked the doctor and exited the room with the understanding that, should Lu become pregnant, Doctor Sánchez would be the one to carry out all appointments and to deliver the baby when the time came.

———

Ander felt like every second that went by was an hour for the next twelve days. Neither he nor Omar could sleep at the thought of their baby possibly being formed at that very moment and yet they didn’t know. Neither could focus on work and Rebe was on the brink of smashing their heads together just to make them ‘run their own goddamn business’ to put it in her words.

It was now the day they’d been not-so-patiently waiting for and Lu was stood in their apartment, having just walked through the door, alongside Guzman and Nadia who had insisted that they needed to be there and had even found a babysitter for the occasion. At first Ander failed to comprehend why they felt the need to be there but then realised he really couldn’t care less as long as Lu was there.

As Lu took off her coat and put down her bag she pulled a small box out with a mother and baby printed on the front of it before making her way towards the couch where the other four sat. “You know,” she said as she sat down, “I was reading through some of the brochures that Doctor Sánchez gave me and if I’d known you can’t wear heels when you’re pregnant I might not have agreed to this.” She finished with a smirk on her face, but no one else was laughing, they were simply staring at her intently and Ander was bouncing his leg up and down while Omar put his hand on it in an attempt to soothe the nerves of his husband even though he was just as nervous.

“Okay, okay, jeez, I’m going.” Lu said as she grabbed the box again and made her way towards the main bathroom. Two minutes later she emerged, pregnancy test in one hand and her phone in the other with a timer on its screen. As she took a seat again between Ander and Omar so they could see the timer she felt the nerves begin to seep in. She still knew she was doing the right thing and she still really wanted to do it but now that she was sat with a pregnancy test in her hand the reality of it all began to hit her. Her body was going to change, so was her diet and so was her lifestyle and that’s a pretty scary thing to take on, especially since she was essentially giving up the thing that most other women do it for. But she also knew that Ander and Omar were going to make the greatest parents ever and that if she had decided not to do this then she would have been kicking herself for the rest of her life.

Suddenly the timer went off and she quickly snapped out of her thoughts and flipped the test over in her hands to see what it said.

“Negative.” Omar said with a sigh. It had been the expected result for the first try but Ander and Omar still couldn’t hide the disappointment that made Lu feel somewhat guilty.

“Hey, Lu.” Nadia said tentatively reaching over to touch her friends arm. “Can you come over here with me a sec?” The asked, nodding her head towards the door to the bathroom.

Lu got up, curious to see what it was that Nadia wanted. Nadia grabbed her wrist and dragged her into the the spacious bathroom before closing and locking the door behind them. As Nadia turned to face Lu she pulled two more pregnancy tests out of her pocket. “I tested negative at first too when I was pregnant with Marina. Apparently false negatives can be quite common. You might not be pregnant but it’s at least worth a shot right?” Nadia, looked up smiling at her best friend. “I didn’t say anything in front of Omar and Ander ‘cause I don’t want to get their hopes up. But I think you should at least take them and if they’re negative then we just wont tell them.”

Lu said nothing and simply pulled Nadia into a large hug. Then she quickly grabbed the tests out of Nadia’s hands and began to unbox them.

The girls stayed in the bathroom for another ten minutes waiting for the timers to go off. When they did Lu simply stayed sat exactly where she was, too anxious to get up and look at the tests they’d left on the sink, so Nadia pulled herself up and walked over to where the tests lay. She picked them up and immediately felt tears prick her eyes as she held them up for Lu to see.

The girls burst out of the bathroom and Lu ran over to Omar and Ander with the tests in her hands. “I’m pregnant!” She exclaimed, shoving one test into each of the boy’s hands.

“What? But how? The other one was negative.” Ander said, not quite believing her.

“It was a false negative, according to Nadia they happen all the time.” Lu said as she looked back towards Nadia.

“Congrats man!” Guzman said, slapping Ander on the back and trying to hide the tears that had unexpectedly come to his eyes.

Ander and Omar were in shock as they turned towards each other, both having now stood up from the couch. They both had tears rolling down their cheeks as Omar gripped Ander’s face with both his hands and looked into his eyes. “We’re having a baby.” Omar said simply as he stared at his husband in awe. Ander said nothing and simply grabbed Omar’s face and crashed his lips against his own. They were finally getting it. They were finally getting the family that they both so desperately wanted.

———————————————————————————————————————————  

Over the next couple of weeks Lu gradually moved her stuff into Omar and Ander’s apartment until it got to the point where she’d essentially taken over the whole thing. But what surprised Lu the most was that neither Omar or Ander cared in the slightest. The only thing they could focus on was the baby.

Lu had told them that she wanted to move in with them so that they wouldn’t miss out on anything, and while that was completely true, she was also doing it for herself. The truth was that she wasn’t sure she could handle all of this on her own. As much as she wanted to do it she was also scared, mostly of the connection people kept telling her she would form with the baby. She knew that it wasn’t hers and she was okay with that, but she couldn’t help being frightened at the thought of having to give up yet another thing that she loved.

As far as the pregnancy was concerned though, she wasn’t too worried. She was strong and healthy the only thing that really worried her was the thought that people might think that she’s fat instead of pregnant. However, as all three of them were about to find out, each trimester came with it’s own challenges and none of them were very pretty.

———

First trimester:  

It was 7am and Ander and Omar were lying in bed trying not to think about the fact that they would have to get up in less than half an hour. Ander had a thrilling day ahead of calculating the profits and losses of the club, when what he really wanted to do was stay in bed all day with Omar instead.

“Hey, I just thought of something.” Omar said “When are we gonna tell our parents?”

Ander froze, he hadn’t thought of that and the thought of telling his parents-in-law that they were having a baby was enough to make him want to crawl back under the bedsheets and stay there forever. “I didn’t even think of that. We’ve been so wrapped up in the surrogacy process that I totally forgot.” He said looking at Omar with a worried look on his face.

“Don’t worry, we’ll figure something out. Although I do think it’d be safer to tell your mum before we tell my parents.” Omar replied, cringing at the thought of his father’s face when they eventually found out. “And what about your dad? Do you want to tell him?”

“I haven’t spoken to my dad in almost four years. What am I gonna do ring him and say ‘Hi dad, I know we haven’t spoken in four years but I’m having a baby. Oh, and it’s with Omar, who is also now my husband.’? Yeah, I can see that going down really well.” Ander was being rude to Omar and he knew it, considering it was a perfectly acceptable question for Omar to ask but Ander couldn’t help being bitter. The last time Ander had seen his father was six months ago, Antonio had been walking down the street that the club was on and Ander was walking the other way. Antonio had walked straight past his son as if he was a stranger and it had taken Ander weeks to get over it.

“Okay, then we don’t have to tell him.” Omar said, feeling sorry for his husband. Sure, his relationship with his own father was fractured and far from perfect but Ander’s was practically non-existent and Omar knew how much that hurt him, even if he didn’t always show it. “But I think we should tell your mum soon, she’ll be happy for us you know she will. You and I have both heard the hints she keeps dropping. I don’t think there’s been a single time we’ve visited for the past year where she hasn’t mentioned the word ‘grandchildren’.”

This made Ander chuckle slightly because it was true. He knew how much his mother wanted grandchildren and, considering he was an only child, he and Omar were her only hope. “Yeah, I think we should too, I’m meant to be meeting her for dinner next week so we can tell her then. But what about your parents?”

“If Marina can be half-white and half-christian and they still love her as much as they do then I’m sure that they can get over this. But maybe it’s safer not to tell them until later, when we’re more certain there’s no chance of complications?”

“Yeah, that sounds like a goo-” Ander was cut off by a strange noise echoing through the apartment. “What is that? I think it’s coming from the bathroom.”

Omar and Ander hopped out of bed and threw some clothes on before rushing towards the source of the noise. When they slowly pushed open the bathroom door they saw Lu curled up by the toilet bowl, throwing up the contents of her stomach. Immediately Ander rushed forward to gather up her hair and start rubbing her back, remembering from his chemo days how horrible it was to feel like this.

Meanwhile Omar jogged over to the kitchen to grab Lu a glass of water. When he returned to the bathroom he handed the water to Lu and sat down on the cold tiles with the other two. Lu was now sipping the water Omar had given her and was leaning against Ander who was still rubbing her back.

“Thanks.” She managed to croak out, her voice hoarse from the retching.

“You’re welcome. What happened? Are you okay?” Omar asked, concern for his friend all over his face.

“It’s nothing, it’s just the morning sickness. That’s what happens when you’re two months pregnant.” Lu said with a sarcastic laugh.

“You mean this has happened before?” Ander asked.

“Yeah, every morning like clockwork at 6am for the past two weeks.”

Ander and Omar both immediately felt guilty. They hadn’t known that Lu was suffering like this but they still felt bad for not noticing.

“Hey, you know when we said we wanted to be there for the whole pregnancy?” Omar said, looking Lu straight in the eyes, to which she just nodded “We meant the bad bits as well. You’re doing this all for us so that means if you feel ill at any point, even if it’s 3am, you need to tell us okay? And we’ll be there to help you.”

Lu just nodded with tears in her eyes, which she blamed on the hormones, as she wrapped an arm around each of their necks and hugged them both tightly while thanking them.

———

It was now one week later and Omar and Ander were stood on Azucena’s doorstep waiting for her to answer the door. Today was the day they were going to tell her about the baby and Lu had promised to come round in a while as soon as she was finished with work. Both of them were considerably more exhausted than usual as they’d been up every day at 6am with Lu due to her morning sickness.  

Suddenly the door burst open and Azucena appeared behind it with a huge smile on her face. She immediately pulled her son into her arms and hugged him tightly before doing the same with Omar. They all greeted each other as Azucena ushered them in and out of the cold. Ander could smell the scent of his favourite meal as a child wafting throughout the house and smiled to himself at his mother’s thoughtfulness.

Omar went into the kitchen and started pouring the wine that he and Ander had brought while Ander helped his mother serve up dinner. They all sat down at the table and made small talk about the club and Las Encinas for the next 20 minutes until they had all finished eating. After that Ander cleared up the plates and Azucena served the dessert and started to speak again as she sat back down at the table.

“Anyway,” she started, looking at her son and his husband with a slight hint of mischief behind her eyes, “I was talking to my friend Maria the other day, you know the one I’ve known since uni? And she was telling me that her son is having his first child! Isn’t that exciting?”

Omar, who had been taking a sip of his wine at the time, had to prevent himself from spurting it all over the table from laughter. Ander looked at Omar with annoyance but couldn’t stop himself from smirking.

Ander then took his husband’s hand and looked at his mother. “Um, actually, we have some news.” He said, watching as his mother’s eyes lit up but he could tell she was trying not to get her hopes up. “We’re having a baby.” He finished simply.

Suddenly his mother squealed with joy, which definitely wasn’t something Ander heard her do very often, and jumped up out of her seat to hug the two of them. When she pulled back she started firing a barrage of questions at them before they could even start speaking. “How? Are you adopting? Do you have a surrogate? Who is she? Do I know her? When is the baby due? How long have you been hiding this from me?”

Ander eventually shushed his mother and got her to sit back down in her seat so that he and Omar could explain everything. “To answer all your questions, no we’re not adopting. Yes we have a surrogate, and it is someone you know. We have only been hiding it for a couple of months and the baby is due in November, so just under seven months from now.” Ander figured it was best just to tell his mother everything otherwise she would just keep nagging them until they did.

“Oh, this is so exciting!” Azucena exclaimed, “I’m so happy for both of you, but you still haven’t told me who the surrogate is.”

Ander looked warily at Omar who simply nodded his head indicating that he would tell his mother-in-law so that Ander didn’t have to. Although Lu was a top student at Las Encinas both were aware that Azucena wasn’t her biggest fan due to the unending amounts of drama that she caused.

“Um,” Omar began, “well, originally we were going to ask Rebe but because she’s our employee, legally we can’t. But when Lu came back to town, she offered, so Lu is our surrogate.” He said the last part quite quietly and without looking Azucena in the eye. The two boys sat silently waiting for her reaction for what felt like hours but in reality was only a few seconds.

“That’s amazing!” She said, making Omar and ander look at each other in shock, “Anyone who does something that kind and selfless for my family is a good person in my book.”

Ander broke out into a huge smile as he hugged his mother again and they all began chatting about the details and all the things they would need once the baby arrived and whether they wanted to find out the gender (they did not). About 15 minutes later there was a knock at the door and Lu entered the house. Azucena welcomed her with open arms and the two began chatting about the challenges of early pregnancy with Lu complaining that almost all food could now make her nauseous.

Later in the evening Azucena came up to Ander and sat down gently next to him so that they could talk while Omar and Lu were wrapped up in a heated debate about some reality TV show. “So, do you think you’re going to tell your dad?” She asked her son cautiously.

“I don’t know Mama. It just seems a bit weird you know? How do I just suddenly talk to him after all this time?” The two of the were silent for a while, Azucena saying nothing as she knew ander had something else to add. “Plus, I’m scared. There are so many things in my life that he doesn’t approve of. I didn’t tell him when I got married so why do I need to tell him about this?”

The fractured relationship between her son and his father hurt Azucena but she understood why Ander didn’t want him to know. “Okay, so you don’t tell him, that’s okay.”

Ander leaned his head on his mother’s shoulder as she wrapped an arm around him, “But… do you think that… maybe… you could tell him at some point?” Ander looked up at his mother, praying that her answer would be yes, it wasn’t that he didn’t want his father to know, it was more that he didn’t want to have to be the one to tell him.

“Of course I can.” Azucena said as she kissed her son on the top of the head. “Course I can.” She whispered.

———

Second Trimester:

Lu was now just over five months pregnant and her baby bump had grown considerably and Ander and Omar were becoming more and more excited by the minute. The morning sickness had gone away after about the third month however the second trimester of the pregnancy was now proving to have its own set of challenges which the boys were even less keen on than the ones from the first trimester.

It was a Saturday afternoon and Guzman, Nadia and Marina were coming over. The now four-year-old had been informed of the pregnancy in the best way you could explain surrogacy to such a young child, she had been incredibly excited at the thought of a little cousin but had to be sworn to secrecy so that Omar and Nadia’s parents (who were still unaware of the situation) didn’t find out. They were planning on telling them tonight at dinner which meant Omar’s anxiety had skyrocketed ever since they’d made the decision.

There was a knock at the door and Ander rushed over to open it before Omar could get there, willing to do absolutely anything to get out of Lu’s general area. When he opened the door he was greeted by Nadia who was holding Marina and she quickly leaned up to kiss him on the cheek before entering the apartment. Guzman quickly followed and pulled Ander into a bro-hug as soon as he’d shut the door.

“So, how’s everything going?” Guzman asked as the two of them moved over into the kitchen to quickly catch up before they ended up caught in the others conversation.

“It’s - it’s… interesting.” Ander said, avoiding looking his best friend in the eye.

“Come on,” Guzman laughed, “tell me the truth.”

“I’m so excited for the baby and I’m really happy but… Lu is driving both of us absolutely insane. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so thankful to her for doing this for us, but I don’t think I ever realised how much of a handful pregnant Lu would be.” Ander said, looking slightly ashamed but also happy to finally get it off his chest.

Guzman was laughing but he understood where his friend was coming from, Lu could be a handful at the best of times never mind when you pile a shit ton of pregnancy hormones on top of it. It took him back to when Nadia was pregnant which made him shiver. Nadia was usually the sweetest person you would ever meet but she turned into monster during the second trimester of her pregnancy with Marina. “I feel your pain man, I really do.” He said looking at Ander’s exhausted face.

“I mean I totally understand why she’s being like this and, honestly, with everything she’s doing for us, she deserves to be able to be a bit bratty. But this morning alone, she’s insulted me 24 times, and yes, I have started counting.” Ander said, a grimace coming across his face.

Suddenly a voice came floating from the living area, “Ander, don’t make a face like that, you’ll get worse frown lines than you’ve already got. Oh and also, I need another green tea!” Lu shouted before turning back to her conversation with Nadia on weird pregnancy cravings.

“25” Ander said pointing at Lu whilst he put the kettle on to make the tea. That made Guzman burst out in hysterics, earning a dirty look from Lu at his sudden outburst.

The five adults spent the rest of the afternoon chatting and playing with Marina until it was time to head over to Yusef and Iman’s house. Guzman and Nadia left early to drop Marina at home with the babysitter with the promise that they would meet the other three at the store.

As the boys were putting their shoes on Lu looked at them inquisitively. “I still don’t understand how we’re going to hide the bump from them before the two of you get the balls to actually spit it out.” She said, not attracted to the idea that she was going to have to make extra effort to try and hide the fact that she was pregnant.

“We’ve already told you Lu.” Omar said, “Nadia and Guzman are going to arrive first and while my parents are distracted we’re going to sneak in and sit you down at the table, once you’re sat down they wont be able to see your bump. All you have to do is not get up from the table before we’ve told them.”

“Fine, whatever.” Lu said, rolling her eyes.

When they arrived, they carried out the plan with no faults and before they knew it Ander, Omar, Nadia, Guzman and Lu were all sat around the table with Iman and Yusef eating the meal that Iman had prepared.

They were all making small talk, the parents asking about all of their jobs while Nadia and Omar also made sure that the shop was doing well. Suddenly Omar and Ander’s phones both went off at the same time and they both apologised for not having them on silent.

When they looked at the message it was from Lu. ‘The two of you better grow some fucking balls right now and tell them because this baby is pressing on my bladder and I will NOT wait any longer!’

Omar and Ander looked at each other while Lu glowered at them from the other side of the table. It was now or never, they were going to have to tell them at some point so they might as well do it now.

Omar waited patiently for Nadia to finish talking about her new job at a fancy law firm before he started speaking. “Mama, Baba, Ander and I actually have some news that we’d like to share.”

Yusef and Iman at looked at him curiously, “Go on son, you can tell us anything.” Iman said.

“Umm, we’re um… we’re having a baby.” He replied, almost inaudibly.

Iman gasped with what looked like excitement while Yusef dropped his fork onto his plate as his eyes widened. The whole room was silent for about a minute, all of them waiting for Yusef to speak first.

To everyone’s surprise Iman started speaking before her husband, unable to hold in her excitement at another grandchild. “Well I think that’s absolutely amazing!” She said, her eyes sparkling with happy tears.

Omar relaxed slightly while Ander smiled. Ander had always felt quite close to his mother-in-law, even after their first disastrous meeting in the hospital, the two had managed to forget all about that and were now rather close, or, as close as you can get to your strongly muslim mother-in-law whilst being white, atheist and gay.

Yusef suddenly cleared his throat and they all immediately looked towards him. “I’m happy for you.” He said simply.

Omar let out a huge sigh of relief, feeling as if a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders. “Thank you Baba.” He replied as Ander smiled and squeezed his husband’s hand under the table.

“But,” Yusef added and Omar felt a sinking feeling in his stomach, immediately expecting the worst, “if you don’t mind me asking, how exactly are you doing this?”

Omar was about to open his mouth when Lu opened hers instead. “I believe that I can answer that question.” She said standing up and displaying her baby bump in all its glory, “Now if you’ll excuse me, this baby has been pressing on my bladder for the past half an hour.” Lu rushed out of the room towards the bathroom, happy that Omar and Ander’s news had gone down well but also desperately needing to get to the bathroom.

Yusef’s mouth dropped open once again and Omar had to spend the rest of the evening explaining to his overly-religious parents why surrogacy was morally okay. Eventually it seemed like they understood the concept, or at least understood it as much as they ever would and all of them made their way home with smiles on their faces.

———  

It was now later in the week and Omar was working late at the club as there’d been a mix-up with the latest delivery but had promised to be home soon.

Ander was currently enjoying one of the very few moments he got to himself as Lu was napping in her bedroom, or at least that’s what he thought. Two minutes later Lu emerged from her room and Ander internally groaned. He loved Lu, even more now that she was doing this for him and Omar, but he really needed a minute of peace and quiet.

Ander didn’t look up and kept his eyes trained on the TV as Lu sat down and continued staring at her phone.

Over the course of the next 40 minutes Ander noticed Lu getting closer and closer to him on the couch and he could tell she wanted something and he was beginning to wish that she would just spit it out. After ten more minutes and Lu inching even closer Ander couldn’t take it anymore.

“Lu! What do you need? You keep getting closer to me and it’s really weird.” He said, slightly regretting his outburst but still not willing to take it back.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Lu said slyly as she ran her finger over Ander’s chest.

Suddenly Ander realised what was happening, he’d read on a pregnancy website that women tend to get pretty horny as the hormones increase, but he didn’t really think that Lu would ever resort to this.

“Okayyy…” Ander said, quickly standing up to try and get himself out of this situation. “Wh-why don’t we stop that, and I’ll-I’ll get you some green tea instead.”

Ander was about to move towards the kitchen when he felt Lu’s fingers wrap around the belt loops of his jeans. “Nooooo, don’t go!” She said, tightening her grip on Ander before he could tear himself away. “You’re too pretty.”

Ander could feel himself getting more and more flustered, it had been a long time since a girl had hit on him, the wedding ring usually threw them off now, and he wasn’t quite sure what to do. “You-you’re pretty too Lu, but I-I think we learned a long time ago that this doesn’t work for me.” He said cautiously, clearly Lu was going insane from the pregnancy hormones since she’d never in their lives shown any interest in him, even before she knew he was gay.

However complimenting her was clearly the wrong thing to do as Lu seemed to completely disregard the second part of his sentence and simply pulled him closer, her hands edging closer to the front of his jeans as Ander tried to fight off Lu’s unbelievably strong grip.

All of a sudden a noise sounded through the apartment as the front door slammed shut.

“What the actual fuck have I just walked into?” Omar asked, unable to keep the smirk off his face. Lu seemed to suddenly snap back into reality and rushed towards her room slamming the door behind her.

Ander collapsed on the sofa, still unable to comprehend what had just happened. When Omar sat down next to him Ander explained and Omar was practically rolling around on the floor in hysterics by the end of it, apparently he found the idea of Lu hitting on his very gay husband to be the funniest thing in the world, Ander however, was not quite so amused.

Ander and Lu couldn’t look each other in the eyes for a week after that. Lu had apologised profusely to the both of them, blaming it all on the pregnancy hormones, but Omar really couldn’t care less, finding the entire situation too funny for words. It was safe to say when Guzman found out he also shared Omar’s viewpoint and had field day teasing both Ander and Lu on the subject while Nadia was slightly more sympathetic to both parties but also found it rather funny.

———

Third Trimester:

Lu was now eight months pregnant and therefore now had a very large baby bump. It was three months after ‘the incident’, as they liked to call it, and Ander and Lu were able to look each other in the eyes again and had even been able to see the humour in the situation, eventually.

It was a random Sunday afternoon and Ander was piling up cushions on the couch to try and help Lu get comfortable even though that wasn’t something she’d been able to do for a month now. She’d moved past the stage of being mean for no apparent reason but now simply complained about everything. However Omar and Ander didn’t really care at this point, the only thing either could focus on was making sure Lu, and therefore the baby, was healthy and safe.

Out of nowhere there was a knock on the door. Omar looked at Ander questioningly as he didn’t think they’d been expecting anyone but Ander just shrugged as he headed towards the bedroom for more cushions.

Omar went to open the door and felt sick as soon as he saw who was on the other side. Out of instinct Omar slammed the door shut again in the person’s face, unsure as what to do next.

Lu looked over at Omar with a puzzled expression, she didn’t know who was there and therefore had no idea who Omar had just shut out. “Who is it?” She asked.

Omar moved over to where she was sat to whisper something just as the person started banging on the door once again.

“Jesus, why hasn’t anyone answered the door?” Ander said as he rushed towards it.

“No, Ander, don’t!” Omar shouted after him. But it was too late. Ander had swung open the front door and was now frozen to the spot.

“Dad.” Was all Ander’s brain could think of to say. Antonio was stood on the other side of the door, a look of fury on his face.

Antonio’s gaze immediately found Omar and he started marching towards him. “You don’t slam doors in people’s faces! What the fuck were you doing?” Antonio said, pointing his finger in Omar’s face.

That was all it took to bring Ander back to reality. “Get the fuck away from him!” Ander said as he moved towards his father and pushed him away from his husband with force.

“Whatever.” Antonio replied, “Ander I need to talk to you. Alone.”

“Fine. Come with me.” Ander said, leading his father towards the bedroom. He slammed the door shut behind them and turned to face his dad. “What are you doing here?”

“Your mother called me. She told me you were having a kid. And that you’re married. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Well, you were never the most supportive father were you? And as for the wedding, we didn’t want you there. It was as simple as that.” Ander said the last part while staring his father straight in the eyes. He no longer gave a shit about what this man thought of timor the way he chose to live his life. If Antonio wanted to work on their relationship then maybe Ander could try but if he didn’t, Ander didn’t particularly care. “Why do you care anyway? I saw you a year ago on the street and you just walked past me like I was a stranger.”

“Well you hadn’t talked to me in three years so I figured that you wouldn’t have wanted a big family reunion!” Antonio was shouting at this point but Ander stood tall, not allowing hiss father to see the fear and dread he felt inside. “That’s besides the point anyway. I came here to talk to you about what your mother told me.”

“It is not besides the point! You’ve been a shitty father ever since I came out to you! You didn’t even come to the hospital when I had fucking leukaemia!” Ander was screaming at his father, the tears rolling down his face.

“I had things to sort out! You abandoning your entire career for example!” Antonio exclaimed, uselessly trying to come up with an excuse for neglecting his ill son.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Ander said, his voice laced with sarcasm, “That’s alright then, you were smoothing things over with your tennis friends rather than visiting your dying son!”

“It’s not my fault that you fucked up your entire life Ander! You fucked everything up and now you run a fucking club that gets swarmed by drug addicts every night, you’re married to that rude asshole and you’re having a fucking baby with another man!”

Ander took a deep breath and composed himself. Then he spoke to his dad in a strangely calm voice, “I don’t give a shit what you think of my life. The way I see it is: I run a successful company, I’m married to the love of my life and we’re about to start a family. I’m aware that I fucked up your career slightly by quitting tennis and I apologised for that a long time ago. But you never apologised to me. You never apologised for your fucked up homophobic views, you never apologised for not seeing me while I was ill, you never apologised for hurting my mother, you never apologised for shouting at my husband time and time again, but worst of all, you never apologised for being such a shitty father. But actually, I wanted to thank you. You’ve taught me how to be a good parent to my child because I will never, ever, do any of the things you did to me to my baby. I will be everything that you never were. I will accept my child, I will love them and I will be there for them no matter what. And that, is more than you could ever do for me. Now get the fuck out of my house and don’t come back.”

Antonio’s eyes were wide and his mouth was agape. Suddenly his shoulders slumped, accepting the fact that he’d now officially lost his son forever. He slowly walked past Ander and exited the room but Ander didn’t move until he heard the front door slam shut.

As Ander walked back out of the bedroom he glanced up at Lu and Omar who were sat in silence just staring at their feet. As soon as Omar saw Ander he jumped off the couch and walked over to him.

Omar put his hand to Ander’s face and tilted his head up so he could look him in the eyes, “Are you okay?” He asked.

“Actually, yeah, I am. I’ve needed to do that for a very long time.” Ander said as he tried to put a smile on his face, but Omar could see the sadness in his eyes even if Ander didn’t want to admit it.

“Hey,” Omar said lovingly, pulling Ander’s head towards his own so that their foreheads were touching. “I’m proud of you. But you know it’s okay to be sad.”

“I know.” Ander whispered before leaning in to kiss Omar gently but passionately. When he pulled back he whispered, “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Omar whispered back.

All of a sudden they were pulled out of their little world by Lu’s voice. “I really do hate to interrupt ‘cause that was really sweet but um… I think I might be having contractions.” She said, hands on her stomach and pain in her eyes.

“What?!” Omar and Ander exclaimed at the same time.

“But how?” Ander said, looking bewildered. “You’re not due for another three and a half weeks.”

“I don’t fucking know! I’m just telling you what I’m feeling!” Lu shouted grasping her bump tighter as another wave of pain came on.

“What do we do?” Omar asked, looking increasingly panicked.

“Call the fucking doctor!” Lu screamed.

Omar grabbed his phone and found Dr Sánchez’s number in his contacts before pressing call. After what felt like decades, she picked up.

“Hi Omar, is everything alright?” The doctor asked, sounding slightly concerned.

“Um… I’m not sure, Lu says she thinks she’s having contractions.” Omar replied.

“Okay, has her water broken?”

“No.”

“Alright I need to ask her a few questions. Can you put me on speakerphone?” Dr Sánchez asked and so Omar did as he was told.

“Hi Lu can you hear me?” She asked through the phone.

“Mhmm” Was all Lu could mange in reply.

“Okay. I need you to tell me how often the contractions are coming and whether you have felt dehydrated or particularly stressed within the last few hours.”

“They don’t seem to have any sort of pattern and yes I have definitely felt very stressed recently.” Lu replied, the current contraction seeming to dissipate.

“Okay, well, it sounds to me like you’re having Braxton Hicks contractions, which means they’re not real its just a way of preparing your body for the real thing. Put your feet up, drink lots of water and they should go away within the hour. If they don’t then call me and come to the clinic.” Dr Sánchez said calmly.

They all thanked her and then hung up the phone. Luckily they were Braxton Hicks as Lu stopped feeling them twenty minutes later. However Lu couldn’t help but begin to feel extremely nervous. Some of those contractions had hurt like hell and it wasn’t even the real thing. She couldn’t help but feel a sense of dread whenever she thought of the fact that, very soon, she was going to have to give birth to an actual baby, and that scared the shit out of her.

———

It was now November 22nd and the baby had been due on November 18th, so it was safe to say that at this point Lu was very uncomfortable and very annoyed. Her and Ander were alone at the apartment as Omar had had to rush to work to sort out some sort of delivery emergency that Rebe coolant deal with on her own.

“You know, when I agreed to carry your baby, I agreed to carry it for nine months. I was under the impression that that was the expiration date for little arrangement but apparently not.” Lu said looking up from the couch at Ander who had just walked in from the kitchen.

Ander chuckled, having gotten used to Lu’s complaints by now and sat down on the couch next to her. “I would love to help you out Lu but I’m not there’s much either of us can do at this point.”

“Urghh, well the least you could do is help me up off this couch, I need to take a nap.” Lu replied, hating the fact that she was at the point where she couldn’t even stand up on her own.

Ander laughed again and stood up to help her off the couch. As soon as Lu stood up there was a splashing sound and they both felt water hit their feet.

“What the fuck?” Ander said, his first thought being that one of them had knocked over a glass.

“My water just broke.” Lu whispered as they both just stood there, frozen to the spot. “Shit! My water just broke!” She was shouting now and Ander sprung into action.

“Okay, it’s okay. You call Omar.” He said, tossing her his phone. “Tell him to meet us at the doctor’s. I’ll grab your bag and everything else we might need.”

As soon as Lu hung up the phone to a panicked sounding Omar, Ander was crouched in front of her, putting her shoes on.

*

They made it out of the door and to the clinic in record time with Omar arriving five minutes after them and rushing to the room that they’d been put in.

Currently Lu was lying in a bed, in a hospital gown and squeezing Ander’s hand so hard he thought she was about to break it while simultaneously screaming through the pain she felt from the contractions.

Omar rushed to Ander’s side and quickly pecked him on the lips before turning back to Lu. The next hour went by in a blur, Lu’s contractions becoming longer and more painful while Ander and Omar were doing everything in their power to try and make her feel better. Nadia and Guzman had arrived 20 minutes after Omar having dropped Marina off at Nadia’s parents considering it was getting late.

Nadia had taken over from Ander in trying to comfort Lu as she knew the pain she was going through but it was becoming increasingly useless.

“Oh my God!” Lu screamed as yet another contraction hit her. According to Dr Sánchez she wasn’t even close to being dilated enough and the baby wouldn’t be coming for at least another few hours, but that didn’t stop the endless pain that Lu felt she was going through. Originally, Lu had said she didn’t want an epidural because she didn’t truly believe that it was as bad as everyone said it was, and also she wasn’t sure that she’d get the chance to do this again so she wanted to try a natural birth. Nadia had warned her against it but Lu had been stubborn, as always, and insisted that this was what she wanted. However, now she was experiencing the searing pain, she was beginning to regret her decision. “Urghh, I give up! Give me the drugs, I don’t care!”

“Are you sure Lu? You’ve already come this far.” Omar said, trying to be encouraging.

“Shut up and get me the fucking drugs!” Lu yelled.

Omar rushed to get the doctor so that they could do the epidural and as soon as the effects started to kick in Lu was very happy that she’d changed her mind.

The labour dragged on for another seven hours. It was now 3am and Guzman had fallen asleep hours ago and even Nadia had began to doze not long ago. But Ander and Omar were wide awake and hadn’t left Lu’s side the entire time. Both of them were too excited (and nervous) to sleep.

At 3:30am Dr Sánchez entered the room to check on Lu and revealed that she was ready to go to the delivery room.

Ander and Omar woke up Nadia and Guzman to let them know what was happening. Guzman stayed in the room and promised he would call Omar’s parents and Ander’s mother while Nadia went with them as Lu had insisted that she needed her best friend by her side.

The next thirty minutes were filled with the sounds of Lu’s screams and the encouragement of the others, including the doctor.

“Come on Lu, you’re so close. Just one more push.” Dr Sánchez said.

“I don’t think I can do it.” Lu whispered, looking exhausted and defeated.

“Of course you can do it!” Ander said “Lu, you’re the strongest woman I know, if anyone can this, it’s definitely you.”

“Exactly.” Omar said, backing up his husband, “Lu, listen to me, we are more grateful than you will ever know for what you’re doing for us. I know - we know - that you can do this. Just one last push.”

“As much as I appreciate all of that could you all just shut the fuck up! I’m doing this to get this fucking baby out of me because, no offence, but I’m getting very sick of it!”

With that Lu screamed as loud as she could as she pushed one last time and all of a sudden a loud cry burst through the room. Lu’s body collapsed in exhaustion as Nadia leant down to wrap her best friend in her arms. Meanwhile, Ander and Omar rushed to the other side of the room where a nurse was cleaning their brand-new baby. As soon as the nurse was done she passed the baby into Ander’s arms with the words “You have a baby girl.”

Ander and Omar looked down towards their daughter and the moment they saw her they were in love. Omar took her tiny hand as Ander hugged the baby closer to his chest. They both had tears running down their cheeks as they stood, staring at their baby in awe. Ander passed the girl into Omar’s arms so that he could hold her but he stayed right by Omar’s side.

Once the two of them managed to rip their eyes away from their child they looked up at each other. “We have a baby.” Omar said, barely believing the words coming out of his own mouth.

“Yeah.” Ander said, “Yeah, we do.” he kissed Omar quickly and then looked back down at their daughter. His heart felt more full than it ever had before. She hadn’t even opened her eyes yet but he knew that he loved this baby more than anything else in the world, nothing could even come close to the love that he felt right now, and nothing ever would.

*

It was three hours later and they were all gathered back in the room that Lu had been in before. Lu was lying in the bed looking exhausted but also over the moon for her best friends. Ander and Omar were watching and whispering as Guzman held their daughter in his arms with Marina looking at her excitedly over his shoulder.

Azucena, Yusef, Iman and Marina had all arrived shortly after the baby was born and since then she had been passed round to be held by all the people in her life that would always love her. When Lu had held her she’d told the baby how much her Auntie Lu was going to love and spoil her but Nadia had seen the look in her eye and couldn’t help but think about it.

“Hey,” Nadia said as she sat down on the edge of Lu’s bed and took her hand in her own. “are you okay?”

“I’m fine. I’m exhausted and I’m not sure if I’ll ever walk again but other than that…” Lu trailed off, chuckling slightly.

“You know what I mean.” Nadia said, looking at Lu sternly, “I know the kind of bond you make with a baby that grows inside you. Just promise me that you’re okay?”

“I promise. I knew she was never mine. I did this for them and look at how happy they are.” Lu replied, pointing at Omar and Ander who now had their baby girl can in their arms. “I’ll love that baby so much, but they’re her parents. They love her more than anyone else ever will and that’s a good thing. I would do this a thousand times over just to make them as happy as they look right now.” As she finished speaking she looked at Nadia who had tears in her eyes and the two girls quickly hugged.

“Anyway,” Lu said, speaking up and shaking herself to try and stop herself from crying (again). “have you picked a name yet?”

The whole room went silent as they looked over at Ander and Omar who smiled at each other briefly and then looked back at everyone else.

“We have.” Omar said, who then nodded at Ander to indicate he should tell everyone.

“Okay, everyone say hello to Carmen Lucrecia Muñoz-Shanaa.” Ander said, looking happily at Lu and then back down at Carmen.

The whole room started buzzing with approval as all eyes landed on Lu, but she didn’t say anything, she simply lay there with her mouth hanging open for a few minutes before she managed to pull herself back together.

“You’re… you’re naming her after me?” She whispered so quietly that they could barely hear.

“Well, middle name.” Omar said jokingly before turning more serious. “But yes. We wouldn’t have her if it wasn’t for you so it felt right to make sure that she always had you with her, at least in her name.”

Lu smiled as a tear rolled down her cheek and Nadia hugged her gain tightly.

“So,” Omar whispered looking at Ander so that only he could hear him. “is this everything or is there something else you want?”

Omar had meant it as a joke but Ander took his time to look around the room before replying.

Guzman had Marina in his arms as he and Nadia stood by the bed chatting to Lu. Azucena was stood in the corner with Iman and Yusef, the three of them chatting away quietly and Azucena laughing at something that Iman had said. Finally, Ander looked down at the perfect little baby in his arms who opened her eyes and blinked right back up at him before he turned back to Omar.

“No. I have everything I want. You, are all I want.”  

[upthenorthmountain]

Normal

This is the latest instalment in my Family series of canonverse fics about Anna and Kristoff and their children. Huge big thanks to @karis-the-fangirl for the main idea in this story <3

Normal

When Karl was born, his mother examined him anxiously. The midwife assured her he was the very exemplar of a newborn baby, but still Anna waited and fretted, until he was old enough to prove that he was, in fact, a perfectly normal child. A very handsome, intelligent, wise-beyond-his-years child, of course - but nothing unexpected.

But perhaps it had to be a girl. When Karl gained a little sister nearly three years later, she was watched just as carefully, but despite Adela’s many talents, none of them were out of the ordinary. Any loved and wanted baby may generate a lot of magic, of a kind, for its family, but there was nothing more than that.

“Perhaps it will skip a generation,” Kristoff said. “Or perhaps there can only be one fifth spirit at a time.” Anna had to admit that that made sense.

When Lilly followed, and Anders, not much thought was given to the matter of their normalcy or otherwise. Anna was blissfully content with her four children; with the castle corridors echoing with the sounds of running feet and laughter; with her arms and heart always full.

“I really think I have everything I could possibly want,” she told her husband, on the evening of their fifteenth wedding anniversary.

“Don’t tempt fate,” he said, smiling.

Mathilde was born early the next year.

------

(six years later)

“Mother?”

Anna looked up from her desk. The door of her study was rarely closed, and just now it was her younger son, Anders, who was leaning around it to get her attention.

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“Can I speak to you for a moment? It’s about Mathilde.”

“Yes, of course, come in. What happened, is she alright?”

“Yes.” Anders came into the room and sat on one of the chairs in front of his mother’s desk. At fourteen he was already the tallest of her children, but also the quietest - Anna knew that he must have a solid reason for interrupting her work, unlike Lilly, for example, who might wander in just to chat. But still waters ran deep.

“Is Mathilde alright?” Anna asked again.

“Yes. But did you know she always knows which way is North?”

“She does? I mean, she has a good sense of direction, I suppose, for a six-year-old.”

“She always knows which way is North.”

“Well, so do a lot of people, Anders,” Anna said. “You just have to look at the mountains -”

“No. I mean. She and Lil were playing a game. If you blindfold Matti, and spin her round, she can always point due North, with the blindfold still on. Or South, or to the docks, or to the sun. I can’t do that. Could you?”

His question and expression were sincere. 

“No,” Anna said. “No, I don’t believe I could.”

“I just thought it was odd,” Anders said.

“I suppose it is. Thank you for letting me know.”

Anders nodded and left the room. Anna leant back in her chair. It was a little odd. And now that she thought about it, there had been a few things that were a little odd about Mathilde. She’d always thought that maybe Matti just got more attention, being the baby; maybe she noticed things she wouldn’t have noticed with the others. But they were starting to add up.

Like how when Mathilde was a toddler, and despite the beautiful nursery full of every toy you could imagine, she only wanted to play with rocks. Even as a baby, if put down on a blanket in the garden, she would crawl immediately into a flowerbed or rockery and find stones of every size and shape. She would line them up and build things with them; her pockets were always clinking. But then, Anders usually had a beetle or a mouse in his pockets. So probably it didn’t mean anything. All children were different and had their little quirks.

Or that time when Matti had been - three? Four? And playing in the courtyard with some of the village children, and the game had perhaps got a little rough, and somehow a carved stone decoration on the end of a wall had fallen down (none of the children present seemed able to explain exactly how it had happened, and they certainly found themselves unable to apportion blame). Agnes had been just coming round the corner, and had sworn that the carving had been about to land on Mathilde’s foot, but had ‘jumped, somehow, in the air’ and landed harmlessly on the cobbles. Agnes also swore that the carving had cracked into two, but when Anna had looked at it herself, when she was making sure that it had been fixed properly back in place, it was certainly one piece of carved stone. The lines of the pattern didn’t quite match up, though, and she couldn’t remember if it had always been like that.

“Be more careful,” she heard Agnes tell the children. “Mathilde’s poor little foot might have been crushed.”

“The stone wouldn’t hurt me,” Matti had said. “It’s my friend, that’s why I fixed it.”

But then children always said odd things.

Or a few weeks ago, when Kristoff had taken Matti out for a ride up the mountain a little way, and that evening had told Anna a funny story, all about how Matti had asked what all the men were doing in a particular valley; and he had told her they were mining copper, and Matti had asked why.

“But the thing is, Anna,” he said, “When I tried to explain what copper is and what we need it for, she cut me off short and said that wasn’t what she meant. She wanted to know why they were mining copper there when there was so much more in the valley to the East. She was so certain, and so fixed on it. She wanted to go over there and tell them so they didn’t waste their time. I had to promise her I’d tell you, she wouldn’t leave it alone.”

But then all children got funny ideas in their heads sometimes.

Anna sat forward again and rummaged in the papers on her desk. Here were the reports from the Guild of Miners and Smelters. Running her finger down the page, she found a brief note - the copper ore mine was a less promising vein than initially thought. They were planning to dig deeper, although they were also considering surveying other areas. Perhaps she should send them a note telling them to look in the valley to the East.

Rocks. Stone. Ore. And compasses worked because of rocks as well, didn’t they?

Mathilde liked to be barefoot outside. Around town they could usually persuade her to wear shoes and stockings, and inside she didn’t mind, but in the gardens or on the mountain she would quickly remove any foot coverings and wiggle her bare toes in the earth or mud or gravel. And she could climb a rock face barefoot like a mountain goat. But perhaps they just indulged her too much.

Anna had a sudden mental image of Mathilde as a toddler, one time when they had taken her to see the trolls. She’d wandered a little way away from the others, and Anna had followed her at a short distance, and seen her daughter pull herself up onto a low rock and then just - stand, barefoot and with her baby curls loose around her shoulders, contemplating the mountains. And Anna had felt, for a moment, that heaviness in the air that was usually a prelude to a storm.

Maybe we haven’t been paying enough attention, she thought.

She looked at the clock on the wall. Twenty minutes before lunch, and she wasn’t making much progress here. She stood, pushing the papers back into rough piles, and went out of her study, closing the door behind her; then along the corridors, from the more public area of the castle through to the family wing.

Mathilde didn’t sleep in the nursery any more. All her brothers and sisters were so much older that they all had their own bedrooms. Matti’s was tidier than her nature would suggest, though of course through no effort of her own, with bed neatly made and toys stowed in chests.

There was a low bookshelf by the window and Anna knelt down next to it. There were a few books, but they were tucked in a corner out of the way; most of the shelves had stones on them, from tiny pebbles up to rocks that must have been hard for the little girl to carry; and although they looked piled higgledy-piggledy, when she sat and just looked at the shelves for a minute or two she could see the order. Order in the sizes and shapes and type of rock, in the colours and how they had been placed. And - to one side, she found one she recognised. They’d been in the garden, and Matti had come over to show her - look, Mama, this one looks like a duck! And it had, a little, so she’d made it quack and Matti had laughed.

It looked a lot more like a duck now. How was that possible? It hadn’t been carved, unless the mason had been extremely skilled. But the proportions were better. The beak was noticeably a beak, and there were little round marks for its eyes. The wings had crude feathers. But it was definitely the same stone.

Anna wondered how her mother had felt, the first time Elsa moved her hand and made ice.

“Mama!” Anna was nearly knocked over by her daughter running across the room and hurling herself at her. She wrapped her arms round Mathilde and hugged her, fiercely. 

“I was just looking at your duck,” she said, keeping her voice as calm as she could. “It’s very good. How did you do it?”

“Oh, it’s easy,” Matti said. And she showed her.

[trulycertain]

Just wanted to weigh in (belatedly) on your DA2 pt and say I started in the same boat. Played immediately after DA:O (like, 3 days?) and felt like it was trying too hard to be what O had achieved. Not as funny or compelling. But, like everyone else has said- it really is more relationship driven, and if you try to appreciate it as Origins, it really does feel lacking, doesn’t it? Love everything you’re sharing to this point on character analysis and broader POV on familial expectation 1/?

Oh, and also, my first pt I completely skipped Fenris, too. I was aiming to get enough gold to go on the expedition and by the time his quest came around I was like, “Nah, I’m good. I don’t need to go do this umpteenth side job.” See ya! And thus had a gap in my loading party screen the whole game XDDDD. Feel free to take a phone pic of your Hawke and share it with us if you’d like :D Also you should definitely consider doing some DA2 art :D

Thank you! I’m so glad you’re liking the rambling. It’s been an interesting experiment.

Oh, you too had the Mysterious Gap? *laugh* I did a lot of squinting and head-tilting my first playthrough, wondering if it was just my imagination or weird design.

I would definitely say that trying to make it fit my image of Origins meant it was doomed for me. It has its own charms, narrative and mechanics-wise. I will always be fond of it for introducing melee-mages as a thing.

One of the things I really enjoy in DA2 that isn’t explored nearly as much in Origins or Inquisition is how the companions in DA2 have been through A Lot, and the narrative is often quite unflinching about that. Trauma isn’t just portrayed as an angsty backstory you can infodump about and then go back to laughing with friends. Sure, they go for drinks and they make roots and they’re all badasses and a lot of them have a great sense of humour, but... they’re all bitter, and most importantly, they’re all allowed to be, which is not something I see in this genre much. (I need to make a separate post about that sometime.) They’re... difficult, at times, and obviously in pain, and not condemned for that.

I’d also forgotten how much I loved Anders - I really do, and this is going to hurt, and I’m still angry about how fandom treated Jennifer Hepler. I like healers and hurting, sarcastic characters (who knew?). And blonds. *cough* Do I think some of the mental illness metaphor is a tad heavyhanded and tasteless? Oh, fuck yes, that’s never been something I was comfortable with. Do I like him as a character? Yes.

Oh, also Fenris is not the way I thought he’d be at all, and he’s a lot more fun than I expected. I didn’t expect to like him, but I wanted to keep an open mind, and I’m warming fast. (And Emery’s voicing decisions with him are not what I expected, either. I really like that the guy who’s usually hired as muscle and spent years as a bodyguard has fancy enunciation, clearly got sick of hiding his intelligence when he was captive and refuses to do it anymore, and chooses his words so carefully. And then comes out with some of the most ridiculous jokes, even moreso than Anders - still utterly deadpan. “Smell the oppression,” dear god, man. Also that his voice is about six foot four and he’s about five-ten.) 

Also, finally getting to high approval with Isabela and Fenris and taking them around has been delightful. I absolutely understand why some people find their banters uncomfortable, and I might yet run into something that changes my mind - Isabela is unrepentantly pervy about some of the most inappropriate things - but it’s shown that she’ll back off if she’s asked to - see Varric’s objectification banter - and he seems to find her lack of pity refreshing and enjoyable. I love how she can almost always make him laugh, and how much they genuinely seem to enjoy each other’s company. Neither of them wants to be pitied for the pain in their pasts, and they both value freedom in very different ways. She’s also one of the few companions who he actually reaches out to, when he gets prickly. When they’re talking about the issue of mage freedom, she says, quite earnestly, “Let’s not fight,” and it’s him who makes a tentative quip about her guessing the colour of his underwear again and lets her change the subject. It’s an unusual, weirdly sweet moment. Despite making some decisions that may be selfish, Isabela is one of the most matter-of-factly kind, conciliatory companions in DA2, and that is an unexpected delight. And he’s one of the few companions who pays that back in spades (other than Varric and sometimes Anders).

On the other hand, I don’t miss the grimdarkness. You’re right, DA2 is less funny than DAO - and that’s because it’s less often allowed to be. They definitely had a tone they were going for, and sometimes that falls into Narm Charm with just how grim it is. Sometimes it feels like companions’ anger with each other is a tad arbitrary and inserted for the sake of Conflict(TM). And also, while I know for a fact he can do serious, stoic writing very well, there’s something tragic about having David Gaider in your team and not letting him go full-snark with his characters, even if he was head writer and I’m sure that was his tonal choice. I miss the “snarky and sometimes prickly but so often compassionate and rarely intentionally cruel unless you poke ’em” feel he brings that’s one of my favourite things about Dragon Age (Zevran, Alistair, Cassandra, Dorian). Sheryl Chee is pretty great at that, too. Inquisition, I felt, got the balance about perfect, and was noticeably lighter and sweeter than Origins or, especially, 2. 

And I would rather not have more quests with murdered women as a background narrative event. (At least in The Witcher, which is not immune to this, it became a full-on investigation and examination of the tropes rather than just a mood-setter that would be something to beat the protag round the head with later.) 

It was a great delight to me when I was wandering round the Deep Roads, ominous music and all, and got the Varric and Fenris, “What do you do in that big mansion all day?” / “I dance” banter. Because God, I needed that. (One of my favourite moments in Origins was exploring the seemingly endless, dark Deep Roads, and getting into a chat with Leliana about silk shoes by accident. That was when it truly felt like she and my Warden were friends.) I feel like Inquisition has a better balance that way; it has so many wonderful, absolutely brutal moments (I still find the “sometimes love isn’t enough” banter bloody hard to listen to), and so many wonderful palate-cleansers (arse-arrows).

This is actually one of the few games my mid-good PC can run! Pre-2013 there’s a half-decent chance. I doubt I could run Inquisition well. So here’s some Guin:

Kirkwall: A Summary.

And yes, I may... already be doodling. *cough*

[annakie]

An Annotated Mass Effect Playthrough, Part Seven

List of Posts: 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Wherein we... talk to the crew. I didn’t quite make it off the ship.

Still, a lot of words.

Aka the nearly All-Gif update.

Didn’t get a chance to play ME at all this week, so I’m going to spend a few hours this weekend (double-checking to make sure screenshotting works :p) and have some real updates later.

So making it back to the ship from Therum, it’s time to talk to the crew.  I maybe could have gone and talked to them after getting on the ship after the Citadel, but they don’t really have any unique lines then so, I usually wait til now to go chat.

First, let’s talk to Liara.

The thing that sucks about talking to Liara (or Kaidan, or Ashley, if you don’t want to romance them) is, you know, the accidental romance.  Making “picking the Paragon-place choices = romance by default with NO WARNING” design was very Not Good.  They fixed this in later games, well moreso in Dragon Age games than ME, (and Andromeda is done very well for this) but still.  In ME3, the BackOff mod does a great job of making romance dialog more obvious and intentional.  

Liara’s dialog choices I feel like are even LESS obviously flirting I feel like than Ash and Kaidan’s.  Honestly with Liara’s most of the lines can be read and even said aloud as friendship then BOOM, all of a sudden she wants a threesome.  I choose middle dialog options whenever possible with Liara just to avoid this.  I’m not interested, never have been, don’t want Kaidan to think he has any competition.  But seriously, it’s poor game design here that you literally have to be a jerk to a companion at some points to avoid having them think you want to bang.   God, half of the reason I’d love a remaster would be to hopefully fix shit like this to avoid some of the pitfalls.  

I hate that some people use this as a reason to dislike these characters more.  And I’ll admit, in my early days as a ME fan, I held it against Liara, too, until I realized how dumb that is.  I especially hate it when you get to the “confrontation scene” and people use Kaidan not wanting to be in a threesome as a reason to dislike him more?  It’s not a bad thing to want to be monogamous?  (And of course, it’s not a bad thing to NOT want to be, assuming everyone is open and OK about it.)

I just prefer to not get that scene at all now, and to avoid “leading anyone on” accidentally etc.  My Shepard knows early on what she wants, and sticks with him all the way through.

I was going to talk more here about my feelings about Liara in general but uh, I guess I’ll do that later.  This is already really long.

Here’s a great post about how to avoid romancing Kaidan while being rude as little as possible to him.  

Well since he’s right outside the medbay anyway, let’s go talk to the LT.  

Have I mentioned how much I hate the orange glow?  

So anyway, I thought maybe I’d talk here a little bit about Why Kaidan?

I will point out here that I am mostly a hetero woman, so my choices in video game romances lean towards men first, though I’m also very cool with doing non-m/f romances in games, and often do on subsequent playthroughs of games I love, but that’s almost never gonna be my primary romance.

I’d already mentioned my love for Carth Onasi, one of the most hated companions in video games, If You’re A Guy.

By today’s standards, even the Carth romance isn’t that great.  But at the time, it was the greatest romance I’d experienced in video games.  There were a few others that were really good -- Valen Shadowbreath in Neverwinter Nights: Horde of the Underdark was the other really great one, but we also got nightmare fuel like Anomen in Baldur’s Gate (though that gets better with mods + the final BG expansion) or just under-written characters or romances like Casavir in NWN2 (who was much better with mods) or hell, either of your choices in KotOR2 imho.  But I used to play KotOR over and over for many reasons, such as holy shit a Star Wars game(!!) and one where you can actually be a female main character AND has that great Bioware storytelling... but a big reason was Carth.  

A funny thing about Carth Onasi... if you play a male main character, you have a very different experience with Carth than if you play a woman.  And even I can agree that hoo boy Carth gets tiresome quick if you play a male, as a female you at least get to flirt and that calms him down and evens him out a lot. But the one time I tried playing as a male, I didn’t make it off Taris because.. yeouch I could actually see what the guys playing were so mad about.

But hey, that voice.  Raphael Sbarge, I love that voice.  So like I said early on in these posts, I immediately knew I was going to romance Kaidan the very second I confirmed he was romancable, before I even ran back into the ship and met anyone on the crew aside from Joker and Kaidan.

And... that only got confirmed more and more as I went through ME for the first time.  The character is smart, and capable, and respected you, and never questioned your command, but made his feelings pretty clear along the way.  He could be a little doofy but in an adorable way with some of the things he said, honestly there was almost never anything I didn’t love about this character.

I realized some time ago that I have a thing for the Paladin archetype personally. 

This is Casavir, from Neverwinter Nights 2, and in NWN2, there are two romance options for women.  An under-written Lawful Good Paladin in his late 30′s who is willing to buck his superiors to do what he thinks is right but also places you on a pedestal and holds back all his emotions.  He’s a romance option. Or....

Bishop, a chaotic evil ranger who insults you a lot, threatens to rape an NPC under your protection, and ultimately betrays you.  

Most people who played NWN2 seemed to prefer the CE Ranger.  I loved the paladin so much I wrote fix-it fic that I never have gotten around to publishing anywhere to retcon his terrible dumb ending.

There’s a fan-made romance mod that helps with the romances in this game, though I dislike a lot of what they did, ultimately I always use it.

In Dragon Age?

Ah yeah, the Templar-Warden.  Love him.  He does have that “Oh I’m so young and experienced tee-hee” thing going on that isn’t my favorite, (at this point mostly because I’m actually in my mid-40′s so uh, I’m just Old) but otherwise, yeah, love Alistair.

Dragon Age 2, I mean I usually romance Anders but... I’m not real excited about either him or Fenris, or even either of the ladies, though I have done Isabella’s romance (as well as Fenris’) and enjoyed it.  I’d probably romance Avaline (or Varric!), if she were an option.  But yeah, Anders mostly because he IS trying to do what’s right, even if he... well.  You know.  

But Dragon Age Inquisition?

Give me that Blackwall-angst.  That stoic guy trying to be a Warden who comes undone for you.  You’d think I’d go for Cullen, but hey this game gave us two paladin archetypes, though one is merely pretending, he still atones and becomes what he was trying to be, one way or another, if you let him.  I picked this paladin archtype first because I did not like Cullen based on interactions with him in DA1 & 2.  I like him well enough in DA:I but Blackwall is my guy here.

Out of all the many, many companions in SWTOR, who’s my fave?

If Aric Jorgan isn’t a Paladin-type I don’t know who is, especially since any romanceable Jedi are uh, all your female padawans (don’t get me started) until Lana (also female) comes along. 

Hell, in a very long-running 4e D&D game I played from around 2009 to 2014 where my character fell in love with our party leader’s son, married him and fought the final boss 4 months pregnant with our twins.  That character’s husband... was a paladin.  I mean look at this art my friend picked out for his character’s son:

I mean dang, who (of those who are attracted to men of this type) wouldn’t?

I always pick the Paladin.  The guy who is gonna Do What’s Right no matter what it costs him, the guy who’s gonna be loyal, the guy who may bottle up his emotions or keep them under control all the time but ultimately does what it takes to get the girl... that’s my fave.  And that’s Kaidan.

I will also say my second fave archetype is rogue-with-a-heart-of-gold, and that’s more of a Garrus or Varric (if only he were a choice!!! :( ) type.. aka my second choice in these games.

Well that was a lot more words on that subject than I meant to do, so I’m going to just say real quick here that what I love about this first conversation with Kaidan is that he’s already no dummy, he knows something is up, and warns you about it.

We’ll save talk about his backstory for another day.

Let’s head downstairs.

Yay for sped-up elevators!  What used to take like 20 seconds now takes like, four.

URDNOT WREX.

This another place where Shepard starts out just sticking their foot in their mouths completely.  I feel like this is something the game definitely has problems with here.  Shepard should know a lot more about the Genophage, like they should have about say, Spectres, even if the player doesn’t. So basically every response you can give to Wrex about the genophage and what his people are going through sounds really insensitive.  Comparing the relatively minor First Contact War with the entire galaxy more or less uniting to keep the Krogan from taking over after the Rachni war seems pretty dumb, and also like something Shepard should already know.

Loredumping on the Krogans a bunch with Wrex is necessary, but  I think it could have been done better.  Though I think there are a lot of questions about the Krogan and the Genophage that ultimately are important but go unanswered. I’m going to be honest, because generally I want my companions to be happy and ultimately I want the happiest ending I can get, I usually cure the genophage and leave Wrex in charge.  But also I don’t think that ends up with the happiest ending for the galaxy.  Everything about the genophage is terrible, how it works, how it was administered, what it’s done to the Krogan as a people, but let’s be honest, the galaxy will also be in huge trouble just from a resources perspective if each krogan woman can have hundreds (or even just dozens) of babies a year, who are gonna all live a thousand years.  There’s got to be a compromise that, eventually, hopefully Wrex works out if he’s alive at the end of ME3 or the council figures out with Wreav or whoever.  

It is kinda funny though that here, I basically met Wrex at C-Sec, told him I’d help him with Fist, sent him to my ship, and basically just kidnapped him to go help with the rest of the mission.  He wanted to be here, right?  I can only assume I’m paying him a lot.

Ashley!

I do love Ashley Williams.

I’m not going to turn this into a “Is Ashley Racist” thinkpiece.  I’ve read a lot of both sides of this argument and no, I don’t think she is.  Some pieces of her attitude do need to be kicked up a bit, for sure.  She’s got about the same issues with aliens as most of the species of the galaxy have with each other, which sometimes isn’t great, but she’s far from supporting Terra Firma.

She’s smart, she’s funny, a hell of a shot, she’s being held back due to her family name.  I would love for if someday a Wilshenko OT3 were possible.  I’d do that in an instant.  I despise the fact that you can only keep Kaidan forever if you lose Ashley forever, though I don’t see that changing even in a remaster.  Please Bioware, for the super ultra remaster?

I know I need to do another run through the game with Ashley alive. I don’t remember too much of what happens in ME3 when she’s there.

I also love that her story is so much one of family.  From her stories of her sisters, to the point that it’s her own grandfather’s legacy that’s holding her back.  She’s so grounded, she reminds us that there are civilians out there we’re keeping safe, a whole world we rarely see, up in space and in the middle of so much military conflict.

GARRUS.

First of all, whew Garrus looks amazing in the lighting and with the textures with ALOT/MEUITM.  Very handsome.

Interestingly, Garrus does not really loredump on the turians.  We absorb a lot of what we find out about the turians more naturally.  Garrus is more all about C-Sec and the general politics of the Council, of Spectres, of C-Sec.  Gonna be honest, I expected C-sec to play into the game as a whole a lot more than it did based on Garrus’ talks about it.  I mean it was always there, but Bailey ends up being the face of C-Sec 

Garrus’ Law vs. I Do What I Want attitude is a nice way to do a non-goody-two-shoes companion story without having to go evil.  I love that Garrus’ story kinda mirrors our own as players, how are we going to get things done?  Shove a blaster in people’s faces, accept collateral damage, and do whatever it takes to get it done?  OR play by the rules, compromise, and see if that fixes things.

The thing is though, Mass Effect actually is great at giving us the illusion of choice without making a huge difference in the end.  Like I mentioned before... not bringing Garrus to ME1 makes little difference in how he acts in ME2 outside of a few lines of dialog.  Lots of things are like that, like pick Ash or Kaidan on Virmire, and yes one is always gone, but 80% of the content is basically the same from there on out for either character.

There are games out now that do that choice better.  Pathfinder: Kingmaker is one I can think of.  Or Tyranny.  Things you choose can alter the endings of those games drastically, locking entire paths out of the game.  

I used to think that was what I wanted.  Until I played Kingmaker and locked myself out of things I really wanted without realizing it.  I stopped playing the game, sad that my LI dumped me and wouldn’t come back without reloading many, many hours worth of game.  Despite enjoying the game overall, I still haven’t gone back.  When I do play again, I’ll probably keep a lot of tabs open of walkthroughs and tips on how to keep things going how I want.  Kind of defeating the purpose of the game.

Anyway, I got super off track again.  The point is, Garrus is the companion that gives us the most Choice in who he is.  Which is cool.  He illustrates our Paragon vs Renegade dilemma.  And it’s neat that it does make changes in some of the things he says in the future, but overall, his story doesn’t change much no matter what you do (Unless you, ya know, get him killed in ME2).

And therein lies a problem with Mass Effect, and video games as a whole.  It’s neat to see the little changes, but it’s rare for anything to be an actual Big Change, because... that’s a loooot of work for a developer and how much more money is all that going to cost him.

At some point in the future I’ll point out how lucky we are for what we did get, though.

Heeeey it’s Chief Engineer Greg Adams!  I wonder how many people don’t even know he has a first name?  Anyway, thank you for your one short conversation in which you explain how the Normandy works (honestly, great job with explaining this, Bioware, even if the science is ???) and like three sentences on who you are.  Wasted opportunity to give you an actual character.  Glad you like Tali, though!  See you in ME3.

TALI!

Okay, I will totally accept that Shepard doesn’t know much past the basics of quarian society.  That makes a lot more sense than Shepards not knowing much about asari.  

The quarians are so much more of an original creation I feel like than a lot of what we’ve seen in the galaxy so far.  Krogan?  Basically Klingons.  Turians?  Space Romans. Asari?  Twilek/Space Elves but ALL Hot Ladies.  Qarians feel like something new though.

I mean, I guess before they had to live in suits they were pretty normal, but their entire culture doesn’t feel like something we’ve seen everyplace before.  I mean I’ve seen space (g-slur)  but, eh not really.  

And Tali herself is such a good character.  I mean, she does suffer a little from being Very Important with her father being one of five admirals in a population of six million people but, I’ll allow it.  Nobody else on the crew has Very Important Parents.  I mean Garrus’ father is a little high up in the ranks but that’s a non-factor, Ash’s grandfather was but he’s dead and never seen, Wrex’s father is a chieftan but none of those is central to their current story or as big as this one. I mean, Spacer Shep’s own mother is a captain of a ship.  Tali herself in-game isn’t that sexualized -- most of that was the fandom’s doing.  She’s young but also confident and has her shit together.  

She shoulda been a same-sex romance in ME2/3 though, damnit!

Joker. Is. Amazing. And uh, also shoulda been a romance option. 

Hey first of all, how great was it that they put in disabled representation in this game.  I have read a few posts on how it could have been better, and definitely agree, but it’s also been so important to have say, Geordi LaForge as chief engineer of the Enterprise and also Joker here, in space, being awesome on spaceships.  And he really earns his the right to his bravado in calling himself the best pilot in the galaxy.  

Also?  Casting Seth Green was such a great choice.  I couldn’t imagine Joker as anyone else.  I mean this is Bioware so we expect, and definitely got, great voice acting (except for... ugh you know, we’ll get there in ME3) but honestly Seth Green was a particularly good choice.  I don’t care that he’s covered with sixteen layers of plot armor, he deserves it.

He’s the companion that we don’t ever get to take in the squad.  (I mean, except for that brief amazing moment in ME2)

I only wish in ME1 he had as much to say as in ME2/3.  At least he gets cool snarky lines after all the major missions.

One last thing before we get off the ship for awhile, I love that the crew is actually comprised of both men AND women in ME1.  With different hairstyles and faces, and even skin tones.  It’s nice to see they didn’t just reuse the same guy over and over for the nameless NPCs.  

Well, I guess they get names in ME2. :v

Anyway, I would like to point out, that there are seventeen nameless NPCs on the Normandy.

Then there’s Adams, Tali, Garrus, Wrex, Ashley, Kaidan, Chakwas, Liara, Pressley, and Joker.

That’s twenty-seven people and eight sleep pods.  Let’s remove the aliens, who couldn’t fit in a sleep pod (Garrus and Wrex), twenty-five people.  Are there people sleeping in the sleep pods now?  There must be, right?  Everyone can’t be awake when we’re on the ship just because we’re there?  How does that math add up?  Who is sleeping where, HOW DOES IT WORK!?  

Well, that’s their problem. I got my own bed.  Kaidan can share.

Also just... don’t get me started on how stupid this is.  I mean it’s nice having a shop on the ship but... the justification is terrible.  We all know it.  He was counted as one of the 17 nameless, btw.

Okay well, I was going to get off the ship this update but this is already stupid long and honestly I don’t have too much more content to post so, I’m gonna go actually play this game!