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jmliebert · 8 months ago

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Starry Nights belong to lovers

Summary: Gale longing for Tav while being positively miserable (because i love my man being miserable sometimes, y'know...)

smut with (a little bit of) fluff and angst?

Word count: 4,250

Tags: romance, angst, longing, shameless smut

Warnings: explicit content (18+)

Author's note: because in my last playthrough i was torn between keep romancing gale or losing it all to the polygamist relationship with halsin... ( i chose my babyboy gale tho) but the possibilities are endless and here's one of them !!

also! you can read this on ao3 if you prefer it that way ♡

Well, that was rather embarrassing predicament, to say the least. Gale of Waterdeep, esteemed wizard, lurking in the shadows like a common maniac. Observing a woman of his dreams from afar. A woman who had once held his heart in the palm of her hand, only to cast it aside for another. Positively pathetic, isn’t it?

He knew he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t stop himself from watching her with a mixture of fascination and trepidation, like an astronomer gazing upon a distant star, simultaneously drawn to its brilliance and wary of its celestial power. There was something about Tav, something ineffable, yet undeniably captivating, that compelled him to observe her, whenever he had a chance. Mind you, Gale's captivation resided not in the moments of intimacy, but rather in the quiet nuances of Tav's daily life. He found himself drawn to her ordinary rituals, avoiding the intrusion upon her private moments as a matter of principle— he adored watching her writing letters in the soft glow of the evening, tending to her garden with such grace, the quiet reverence with which she communed with nature's wonders. Each gesture, each fleeting expression painted a portrait of a woman both ordinary and extraordinary, and Gale found himself inexplicably drawn to her.

And yet, amidst the tapestry of her daily life, there was one thread that left a bitter taste upon his tongue— Halsin. Oh, how he despised the very mention of the name, the mere thought of the druid being so close to Tav and being her lover (whatever that meant in Halsin’s world), stirred a pang of ugly jealousy within his breast. For what claim did Halsin have upon Tav's affections, he wondered relentlessly, when it was he who loved her from the very beginning. It was he who worshipped the ground she was walking on. And finally, it was he who forgot his goddess because of her.

Still, Tav didn’t choose Gale.

Well, maybe that statement wasn’t entirely correct. In truth, Tav did chose Gale at the beginning of their journey. They would spend countless hours in his tent, engrossed in conversation and lost in the pages of books. Their laughter echoed through the camp. He took great care to ensure that Tav received the choicest bits during their shared meals and in moments of distress, Tav sought solace in his reassuring presence, finding comfort in the warmth of his hand clasped firmly in hers. Though Gale never said it out loud, he felt a swell of pride knowing he was the one she turned to in her hour of need.

Oh, how he admired her unwavering sense of justice and compassion. She was committed to doing what was right, even when faced with the most daunting challenges. In a world this wicked and dark, she was a beacon of light. She gave him hope when all seemed lost, and in turn he offered her his heart, but Tav wanted more, it would seem.

He saw her talking with Halsin more and more as they were roaming through The Shadow-Cursed Lands. It seemed as though every passing moment brought them closer together. Tav's radiant smile and melodious laughter filled the air as she was talking with the druid. And the way he looked at her, made something inside Gale stir. Halsin gaze lingered on Tav, his eyes alight with admiration, mirroring Gale’s own. It was pretty obvious, yet, when Tav asked him, how he would feel as to having another person in their relationship he was taken aback. His first thought was the baby.

“What, like a child? I’m not sure I’d consider myself a father material, plus our current lifestyle isn’t exactly what I would called settled…”

“It’s Halsin. He wants to be with me, but he doesn’t ask that I sacrifice you. We would…share.” Tav's words hung in the air, heavy with implication

Share?

Gale's mind reeled at the notion. “Share? You’re not a loaf of bread to be divided up at a supper time! I thought what we had meant something for you.”

But apparently he was wrong. Perhaps it hadn’t mean as much to Tav, as it meant to him and the realisation of that made him a truly miserable man. He was also angry, so angry beneath the surface. It was hard to stay at the camp after all this, it was hard to watch them talking, breathing, just being. Yet despite his best efforts, he couldn’t bring himself to hate Tav. And for that he was even more enraged. How could he be so weak?

As the time passed and Baldur’s Gate was finally safe, the companions went their separate ways. At first, Gale welcomed the prospect of solitude, believing that distancing himself from Tav would bring him peace. He came back to Waterdeep and sought solace in his study, surrounded by his precious books and arcane tomes. He threw himself into his studies with renewed fervour, delving into the depths of ancient texts and lost knowledge in an attempt to distract himself from the pain gnawing at his heart, but it wouldn’t go away.

One evening, after one too many glasses of wine, Gale found himself consumed by a reckless impulse. It was a night much like any other, yet something within him stirred, a restless energy that demanded release. Casting an invisibility spell upon himself, he ventured out into the night. Before he even knew what he was doing, he found himself teleporting to the familiar streets of Baldur's Gate. Near where he knew Tav lived, to be precise. He told himself he was merely checking on her, ensuring her safety in a world fraught with danger. But deep down, he knew the truth.

As he watched her from the shadows, unseen and unnoticed, he found himself entranced by her mere presence. She was brushing her hair, her movements fluid and graceful, her face bathed in the soft glow of candlelight. In that moment, she looked so utterly beautiful, that Gale had to fight back the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes.

It began as a one-time occurrence, a fleeting moment of weakness, he told himself. Yet, with each passing day, Gale found himself seeking out more excuses to linger in Tav's vicinity, even if she remained unaware of his silent vigil. And so, he became a ghostly spectator, haunting the edges of her life, longing for a connection he knew he could never truly have.

Because, how could he? How could he love her one moment only to watch her slip away into the arms of another the next? He couldn’t live like this, even if it’s Tav. So he just watched her, not ready to let go.

☾☾☾

This particular night, Tav was alone. Halsin was away, tending to orphans he took under his wings after all that happened in Baldur’s Gate. Truth be told, Halsin's frequent absences were a relief to Gale as it was still hard for him to witness the bond he had with Tav. There was an intimacy between them that Gale found himself unable to stomach.

Gale found Tav in her bedroom, nestled on the bed, a book cradled in her hands like a precious treasure. The soft glow of candlelight bathed her in a warm embrace, casting delicate shadows across her features. She looked so peaceful, so utterly content in that moment, and Gale couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy at the sight. In another life, they would read their books side by side every night, their fingers tracing the words upon the pages.

Gale, didn’t know exactly why, but instead of his usual routine of observing Tav from the safety of the window, like a little puppy desperately waiting for their owner to let them in, he now found himself seated in his favourite chair on the other side of Tav's bed, invisible. It was an audacious move, even for him. Maybe, he was feeling particularly lonely that starry, romantic night? Or maybe there was something in the summer air… no matter what, the pull of her presence was too strong to resist at that moment.

So Gale was sitting there, watching Tav and enjoying the warm breeze. Lost in his thoughts, he shifted slightly in his seat, his foot inadvertently knocking into one of the candles seated on the floor. His heart lurched as he watched in horror as the candle toppled over, its flame igniting the delicate fabric of Tav's blanket. Panic surged through him as he realised what he had done, his mind racing with frantic thoughts, his hands on his head in pure disbelief.

"Oh, no!" he exclaimed, the words escaping his lips before he could stop them.

“Gale?” Tav’s voice, full of confusion, pierced through the silence, sending a jolt of adrenaline coursing through Gale's veins.

With a quick flick of his wrist, Gale summoned a rush of water, his practiced fingers weaving a complex pattern in the air as he cast a rapid incantation. The water swirled and danced in the air, cascading gracefully onto the flames and extinguishing them in a matter of seconds. As the last flicker of flame died out, Gale hesitated for a moment before releasing the invisibility spell that had cloaked him from view. With a soft shimmering light, he materialised into view, his expression a mixture of sheepishness and devastation of a defeated man.

"Hello, Tav," he said, his voice tinged with embarrassment as he met her gaze. "It seems I've made a bit of a mess, haven't I?” Gale asked as the smoke began to dissipate around him.

Now, he was waiting for Tav to be (rightfully) furious at him, but she wasn’t. Instead, she seemed to be…concerned?

“Are you all right?” Her voice was laced with genuine worry, her eyes searching his face for any signs of distress. It was a simple question, but it carried a weight that caught Gale off guard.

For a moment, Gale found himself speechless. He had anticipated anger or confusion, not this. His heart felt heavy.

"I'm...I'm fine," he stammered, his voice betraying a hint of disbelief as he struggled to compose himself.

“Good,” Tav said, stepping closer to Gale and enveloping him in a warm embrace. He froze momentarily at the unexpected touch, his heart racing in his chest. “I don’t understand how you got here,” Tav murmured softly, her voice barely above a whisper as she buried her face in Gale's chest, “and I’m not even sure if I want to know,” she added. "But I’m glad you are here," she continued, her voice trembling with emotion. "I’ve missed you... more than I can put into words." Tears welled up in her eyes, spilling over and cascading down her cheeks as she clung to him, seeking solace in his embrace. Gale felt his body stiff at first at the sudden gesture, but despite it all he held her close, offering silent reassurance as they stood together in the quiet intimacy of the moment.

"Shh," he whispered softly, his touch tender as he traced soothing circles along her back. With every motion, he felt the weight of her sorrow, the depth of her longing, and his own heartache mirrored in her tears. He fought to hold back his own emotions, to be the pillar of strength she needed in that moment. To be a true man. But beneath the facade of composure, Gale's own tears threatened to spill over. “I’ve missed you too, Tav.” And his words were honest.

"After we destroyed the brain, you left so abruptly," Tav's voice trembled with emotion, her words carrying the weight of unspoken pain."I thought... I thought maybe you didn't want to see me ever again, that you detested me. And I understand if you do. I know you might think that all we had, was just a facade, a lie, but it wasn't.”

Gale listened in silence, and his heart throbbed with pain. He hated to watch her cry. ”I’m sorry," he whispered, his voice barely audible above the hushed cadence of the night. "I never meant to hurt you.”

"I should be the one apologising," she murmured, her voice laced with regret. "I felt so guilty for leaving you like that, Gale. There were nights when I cried myself to sleep, feeling your absence like a gaping wound. And in those moments, Halsin... he was there for me. But it wasn't the same. It could never be the same.”

Gale's chest tightened at her confession, the weight of her words pressing down on him like a burden too heavy to bear. "Tav..." he began, his voice choked with emotion and…hope? But before he could utter another word, she silenced him with a gentle touch of her hand. She looked deep into his eyes, looking for something in them.

"Gale," she whispered, her voice soft yet resolute. "I want you to know... I love you. I've always loved you." Her words hung in the air, heavy with sincerity and emotion. "But I also love Halsin. In a different way, perhaps, but love nonetheless.”

Gale felt his heart sink at her admission, a pang of sorrow lancing through him like a blade. Despite the warmth of her touch, he couldn't shake the chill that settled in the depths of his very soul. "Tav," he began, his voice barely above a whisper, "you know I'm not... I can't be... I want you all to myself. It hasn't changed since the last time we spoke about this.” And despite himself he added— “I think I should leave now.”

With a heavy sigh, he made a move to leave, to escape the turmoil of his emotions, but before he could take more than a few steps, Tav's hand shot out, grabbing his own with a desperate urgency.

"Don't leave," she pleaded, her voice tinged with desperation. "Not tonight. Let's forget about Halsin, about everything. Just... let's be together tonight, you and I. Please?” Her eyes searched his, pleading for understanding, for connection, for something to hold onto in the midst of their tangled emotions.

And then she came closer, dangerously close. As her lips met his in a tender yet impassioned kiss, Gale felt his resolve waver, crumbling like sand between his fingers. The warmth of her touch, the sweetness of her embrace, it all washed over him like a wave, sweeping him away in a sea of longing and desire.

For a moment, time seemed to stand still as they lost themselves in each other, their bodies pressed together in a fervent embrace. Gale's heart pounded in his chest, the rhythm of their kiss echoing the tumultuous beat of his emotions. And in that fleeting moment, as their lips parted and their eyes locked in silent understanding, Gale surrendered to the intoxicating pull of their shared desire. With a surge of strength, Gale lifted Tav effortlessly into his arms, her legs instinctively wrapping around his hips as he carried her towards the bed. Each step felt like a revelation.

As he gently laid her down upon the soft sheets, their eyes met once more, the intensity of their gaze speaking volumes. With trembling hands, Gale traced the contours of her face, memorising every curve and line as if committing them to memory.

Tav appeared as a vision of ethereal beauty, her form draped in the delicate embrace of silk nightwear that accentuated every curve and contour of her body. Gone were the rugged trappings of their journey through the wilderness, replaced instead by the subtle elegance of her attire. Gale found himself captivated, his gaze lingering on the gentle curve of her neck, the graceful slope of her shoulders, and the subtle rise and fall of her chest with each breath. There was a vulnerability in her appearance that stirred something deep within him, a longing to protect and cherish her with every fiber of his being.

“Oh, Tav,” Gale said as he enveloped her body in his arms, burying his face in the soft curve of her neck, inhaling deeply the sweet, intoxicating scent that enveloped her. The warmth of her body pressed against his own ignited a fire within him, a primal urge that had been dormant for far too long. As their bodies pressed together, a wave of arousal washed over him, leaving him painfully hard and achingly aware of every brush of skin. Tav's hand found its way between their bodies, her touch sending shivers of pleasure racing up his spine as she palmed his growing erection.

A low, guttural moan escaped his lips as pleasure rippled through him, his senses overwhelmed by the intensity of the moment. It was as if he had been starved for this connection, this physical closeness, and now that he had it, he was powerless to resist its allure. As Tav shifted her position being on top of him, like his queen, straddling Gale's hips, she moved with a fluid grace that left him mesmerised. With deft fingers, she began to unbutton his shirt, revealing the toned muscles beneath, her touch sending a shiver of anticipation through his willing body.

In response, Gale reached up to grasp the hem of Tav's nightdress, pulling it over her head with a reverence that bordered on worship. As the fabric fell away, she was bathed in the soft glow of candlelight, her skin aglow with a warmth that seemed to emanate from within.

Gale's breath caught in his throat as he took in the sight before him. Tav was utterly beautiful, her rounded breasts heaving with each breath, her thighs pressing against his hips as she straddled him. In that moment he knew, she held him in the palm of her hand, a goddess of desire and passion, and he was powerless to resist as he was just a mere human.

As she unbuttoned his pants and her fingers wrapped around his throbbing penis, Gale felt himself losing control. Every touch sent shivers down his spine, his desire mounting with each caress. Despite his trembling voice, he managed to murmur, "You don't have to do this."

"But I want to," she responded, her breath warm against his skin as she pressed a tender kiss to the glans of his penis. Gale took a deep breath through his clenched teeth. His arousal was palpable, his desire for her nearly overwhelming as she took him into her mouth with a delicate grace that left him shaking with need. Each sensation was magnified tenfold, every touch sending waves of pleasure crashing over him in an ecstatic frenzy. As her lips closed around him, he could feel the warmth of her mouth enveloping him, her tongue dancing along his length with a skill that bordered on sinful.

Gale could hardly contain the primal urge building within him, the intensity of his desire threatening to consume him whole. With each gentle caress and tantalising stroke, he felt himself teetering on the edge of ecstasy, his body aching for release. His hips moving shyly, only to be held down by Tav hands.

“ Tav, Tav I’m close,” he said, but she didn’t stop instead she was sucking him even harder. And when Gale finally came, it was like an explosion of pleasure unlike anything he had ever experienced before. With a cry of ecstasy, he surrendered to the overwhelming sensation, his body convulsing with the force of his release as he spilled himself into Tav's waiting mouth, his senses ablaze with a euphoria that left him gasping for breath. The world went quiet for a second, but not long after he felt Tav body on his. Her soft curves pressed against his chest. Her lips, swollen from their passionate encounter, hovered just inches from his own, and he couldn't resist the urge to draw her closer, his fingers tangling in the silky strands of her hair. Gale smiled.

With a gentle touch, he brushed a stray lock away from her forehead. When he saw a droplet of his sperm lingering in the corner of her mouth, he couldn't help but be overcome by a sudden surge of desire. Without hesitation, he leaned forward, capturing the droplet with his thumb and bringing it to his lips, savouring the taste of their shared passion as he licked it away. And as their lips met in a searing kiss, Gale felt himself consumed by a hunger unlike anything he had ever known, his hands roaming freely over her back as they lost themselves in the heat of the moment.

Their night was far from the end.

Their kisses grew more urgent, more desperate, as their bodies pressed together in a tangle of limbs and desire. With every touch, every caress, Gale felt a surge of longing course through him, igniting a fire that burned hotter with each passing moment. As his hand trailed down her spine, exploring every curve and contour of her body, Tav's breath hitched in her throat, a soft moan escaping her lips as she melted into his touch. And when his fingers finally found their way to the wetness between her legs, she couldn't help but arch her back in response, a shudder of pleasure coursing through her.

With a hunger that bordered on desperation, Gale shifted his position, kneeling between her legs as he drank in the sight of her. His heart raced in his chest as he watched her, every movement, every quiver of her body, sending waves of desire crashing over him.

"I need you, inside," Tav whispered, reading his thoughts exactly. Her voice barely more than a breathless plea. Her eyes bore into his, dark with desire, and Gale knew he couldn't deny her. With a tenderness Gale lowered himself down onto her, positioning his penis to her sweet entrance.

He had imagined it countless times during the lonely hours in his study, weaving fantasies in the quiet solitude of his mind. But now, as the reality of their passion unfolded before him, it surpassed even his most vivid dreams. In her embrace, Gale felt a sense of wholeness he had longed for, a completeness that eluded him in his solitary existence. Closing his eyes for a fleeting moment, Gale focused on the sensation of her body beneath his, the warmth of her skin against his own. And when Tav's hips began to move in a gentle rhythm, he followed suit, his movements initially tentative but growing bolder with each passing moment, encouraged by her soft moans.

Quickly Gale found himself lost in the heady haze of desire, his senses overwhelmed by the sight and sound of Tav squirming beneath him, her moans of pleasure driving him to new heights of ecstasy. With each thrust, each movement of their bodies, he felt a primal urge building within him, driving him ever closer to the brink of release. He groaned each time he was all in, deep inside her sweet wetness, his gaze locked onto hers with a ferocity he didn't know he possessed.

As he drew near, his thrusts grew increasingly erratic, his control slipping with each passing moment. Despite his desperate attempts to hold back, he found himself on the precipice of release, his body trembling with anticipation. "Come for me, my love," he whispered, his voice husky with desire, his fingers tenderly caressing her cheek. And as Tav's back arched in ecstasy, her breath hitching, and walls tightening Gale felt his own climax approaching like a tidal wave, ready to engulf him in its powerful embrace. With a low, guttural grunt, he buried himself deep inside her, his hands gripping hers tightly as he surrendered to the overwhelming waves of pleasure crashing over him. With a primal cry, they reached the pinnacle of their desire, their bodies convulsing in unison as waves of bliss washed over them.

In that moment of pure connection, Gale surrendered to the overwhelming sensations coursing through him, his release flooding Tav's depths with a torrent of his essence. Deep inside her, he poured himself into her with abandon, his ropes of cum filling her wholly as they became one. As the last echoes of their shared climax faded into the hushed stillness of the room, Gale held Tav tightly in his embrace, their bodies entwined in the aftermath of their lovemaking. They lay there, panting and spent, their hearts racing.

Desperately, Gale clung to the fleeting moment, reluctant to pull away from the intimate connection they shared. He wanted to linger inside her, to savor the warmth of her embrace for just a little while longer, before the outside world intruded once more.

Gale's touch was tender, his hand tracing soothing patterns along Tav's back, lulling her into a peaceful slumber. With her hand resting gently on his chest, she seemed so close, yet so far away. And for a fleeting moment, everything felt perfect, as if they had found each other's again.But as Gale's fingers sense the tiny wooden duck hidden beneath the pillow, reality came crashing back with brutal clarity. It was a stark reminder of the presence they could not escape, a symbol of the inevitable truth that awaited them at dawn. His heart felt empty. What they had shared this night was nothing more than a fleeting illusion, a desperate grasp at something unattainable.

“I love you,” he said softly, though he knew he shouldn’t.

With one last lingering gaze at Tav's sleeping form, he turned away, a heavy weight lifting from his shoulders as he made his way out of her bedroom, finally letting her go for good.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

thank you so much for reading !

you can find more of my works about bg3 ♡here♡

#gale of waterdeep #gale dekarios #bg3 romance #bg3 imagine #bg3 gale #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #gale x you #gale x reader #gale x tav #gale x oc #gale smut #gale fluff #gale angst #gale imagine #gale headcanons #gale in love #oh gale

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revalition · 1 month ago

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OCT 19 - SHIVERS Raise the hair on your neck. Tune in to the city.

shivers my beloved!!! I love her so much!

Here is my favourite shivers quote since I didn't include it in the image this time:

SHIVERS - FOR THREE HUNDRED YEARS I HAVE BEEN HERE. VOLATILE AND LUMINOUS. MADE OF SODIUM AND RAIN.

weeps... <333 not only is it such a gorgeous quote but it was also my first time hearing from la revacholiere... You need shivers of 5 to get it but luckily my first playthrough I had FYS of 4 and I got the patrol cloak the first day so I guess that's 5.. so when I was messing with the electronic doorbell on the first day and eventually got this line!!!!! I had NO IDEA what was happening but I was immediately fascinated by this skill.

also if Kim isn't with you, you can ask yourself what just happened and not a soul answers. your skills *never* just leave you in silence like that...

afterwards she also says:

SHIVERS - IF YOU WANT ME YOU CAN FIND ME ON THE BEACH, DANS LE DERNIER BAL.

which, like. what does that mean. the last ball? the last dance maybe? and then when you do the shivers check in the church there's a modifier that just says "+2 FIND ME ON THE BEACH"

anyway... no it's not oct 19 but that's the naming convention I set when I started so that's how it's going to stay. tbh I had no idea what to do with shivers which is why this isn't anything like my other skilltober posts but hopefully it still does her justice

lots of quotes under the cut as always

what's this? actual screenshots from the game??

this scene was just. so amazing. the worst part is how easy it is to miss! if your inland empire is too low you don't get the dialogue that lets you even try the shivers check (found that out the hard way in my second playthrough >:( and you only need 2 IE to get it) and then the shivers check is quite difficult too... the two people I know who played it, neither got to talk to the city! but that also made it feel very special

I remember screenshotting my game when I got this dialogue so I could go look for it! and then finding the body on the boardwalk and looking all around there and going ah, guess I can't get under the boardwalk and it was just flavour text. and forgetting about it.

and then finding it down there!!! it's my favourite I wore it the rest of the playthrough. also the modifier on it!! +1 Shivers: Gift from La Revacholiere 😭 shivers... shivers ily...

shivers memories of your mom?

she's so helpful

this one kills me every time I read it

also I've been angry with shivers about the humiliation of the shivers fail in front of neha the dicemaker where you take your pants of... and I went to grab a screenshot and it... was Harry all along? all shivers says is that you don't feel anything and it's a bit too warm, and Harry does the rest... sigh. of course he does.

this is a dialogue you can get after talking to Plaisance about the curse after you investigated the doomed commercial area... I know you can come to the conclusion that the curse of the doomed commercial area is caused by being so close to the pale, but that fact that Shivers can pick it up so early on...

I love when she humours you...

this damages your endurance! shivers scolding you can make you *die*

this one damages endurance too... but inland recognizing that shivers isn't one of your skills...!!!

there are a bunch of these (unsure if they're implemented in the game or not, I've never encountered them at least) of your patrol cloak talking to you through shivers!

Kim trying to convince you not to leave in the airship is heart-wrenching on its own, but La Revacholiere begging you not to forsake her...? sobs

this one has to be in here... the three skill checks are godly difficulty. urgh it hurts my heart

the miracle!! she protects the phasmid too, watches over it. observes it skating across the water, opening the buoy to retrieve the passport...

my two supranatural skills bringing you to the precinct! this dialogue has their names, even (usually EdC just relays it to you)

harry and the city are inseparable...

this one hurts me. the church sidequest is my favourite in the game, but there's always this underlying sadness to it that things cannot exist in that church...

fuck...

shivers is so poetic... In my first playthrough, all of their information on the surrounding area was overwhelming. And I didn't have high enough shivers my second playthrough to get the dialogue... but looking through it again now, it makes so much more sense after playing once.

Revachol forever.

this brings me great comfort... the city with pocket it for you. and you can finally move forward.

I don't know what this means... but I wish my city loved me the way revachol loves harry. you also need to pass a godly logic passive to deduce that the world is the thought reader...

that's only 27 screenshots but I don't have any others to add right now... so here is shivers from the spring storm WIP since I havent shared one of these in a bit

dont mind empathy and pain thresh photo bombing it...

and here is my personal shivers skill portrait, which conceptualization drew...

i'm not sure if it's weird to add this but screenshot from our shared discord, but it's kind of cool. they're often silly or rude to eachother but they have their moments. re: shivers suggesting moving to toronto (there is a bit more before this that I was contributing to).

I can count on one hand the number of times I've heard from my shivers... the first time was actually *in* toronto when I was there for a concert. the way Harry loves his city isn't the way I love my city, but it does make me wonder if I could feel that way about somewhere else...

anyway weird note to end this post on but. that's okay. half light next... hopefully tomorrow

#skilltober #de shivers #de skills #disco elysium skills #disco elysium #rev art

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rutilation · 9 months ago

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I sincerely doubt I'm the first person to have noticed this, but I'm currently riding the high of having just connected some dots, so I'm going to jot down my thought process regardless.

Because I am the sort of person who reads dictionaries for fun, one of the first things I did after being introduced to this game last month was look into the etymologies of various characters’ names. We play as an android named magpie? What a cute little reference to our gameplay loop of exploring and picking up stuff. We’re looking for a girl named Alina Ariane? That’s pretty juicy as well. Ariane, and variations thereupon, are derived from the Greek Ariadne, which is the name of the woman who lead Theseus through the labyrinth with her ball of yarn—a fitting metaphor for Ariane’s role as the beacon guiding Elster through this surreal narrative.

Anyway, a little while ago, I found myself watching this playthrough of the game, and it was quite helpful because the person playing can read Chinese, and I myself am pretty helpless when it comes to characters that I can’t easily copy-paste into a dictionary. Leng means 'cold,' you say? Well, I'm happy to finally learn that! A ways into the playthrough, she points out that one of the hanzi in the red desert sequence is likely to be Ariane’s last name. Intrigued, I looked it up, and found out it means poplar.

That made me wonder if there was some rationale behind choosing that surname in particular. After all, if the first half of Ariane's name was so obviously symbolic, why wouldn’t the second half also be so? I ask myself: what do trees have to do with her? My brain answers: “Die Toteninsel, obviously.”

The trees in that painting are cypress, though. I start wondering: okay, if you’re going to name this character after a tree, why not name her after the tree that holds significance to the story—to her story? Moreover, what do poplars even look like? I’m not an arborist…

They’re not cypress, but what I saw in google images looked like they could be mistaken for them at a distance. Their lenticular shape, at least, was reminiscent of the trees in Die Toteninsel. A new hypothesis starts germinating in my head at this point. Suppose the hanzi for ‘cypress,’ whatever that may be, isn’t in use as a surname. If so, perhaps the devs had to work their way down the line, and pick out a tree that they could use as a last name, one that at least looked like the tree they had in mind, so that they could still evoke the image of the painting through Ariane’s name.

Obviously, I had to return to my precious dictionaries, and test this hypothesis. It failed immediately. 柏 means cypress, and it is indeed used as a surname. Now back to square one, my initial question becomes even more pressing. Why did the devs name Ariane ‘poplar’ instead of ‘cypress?’ If the more meaningful option was already right there in front of them, why didn't they take it?

It was at this point my brain cells finally deigned to rub together, and the answer smacked me across the face. There’s another painting I hadn’t been taking into account, and I’d already seen the shape and form of a poplar, even before I pulled up my search results.

The tall green trees on the left side of the Die Lebensinsel are unmistakably poplars. My earlier observation that poplars and cypresses had similar silhouettes possibly had some merit after all—that may have been what was going through Böcklin’s mind as he worked on this painting which was the intentional antithesis to Die Toteninsel.

(I say “unmistakably,” but, again, I’m no arborist. While some cursory googling didn’t reveal a gloss for the flora in this painting, someone on r/whatisthisplant also thought that these seem to be poplars, for what it’s worth.)

So, Ariane is named not after the isle of the dead, but the isle of life. My reward for answering my initial question is, of course, more questions. Why have Ariane’s name hearken to this painting? I haven't figured that out, but I do think that in order to answer that question, one first has to ask what Die Lebensinsel means to Signalis in the first place, and my thoughts are a little more substantial in that regard. Substantial, but also pretty subjective. Everything prior to this point is trivia dug up by a dictionary-enjoyer, and everything past this point is me free-associating my way through confusing imagery, like our overlord, the big red eye, intended.

As for me, I associate Die Lebensinsel with the artifact ending. Not so much because of how happy it is per se, (highly debatable,) but because of how both the ending and the painting are obfuscated by the game. In Signalis, you can't get away from the other two paintings. They dominate the red desert sequence, they're found decorating the occasional wall in overworld, and you even walk across the shore of oblivion yourself. Die Lebensinsel, on the other hand, is never as tangible as the other two, only ever flitting across the screen for a single frame at a time. It's almost completely imperceptible in the moment; you have to already know to look for it to glimpse it, or else discover it by playing back the red desert cutscene frame-by-frame. All this mirrors how the artifact ending is integrated into the story. The keys to it are right in your face—the safe, the code, a strange signal on your radio, the lilies interspersed throughout game—but it's nigh impossible to grasp any of those things without hindsight, without picking it apart after the fact. You have to really look to find Die Lebensinsel, and you have to really look to find the artifact ending.

There’s also the subject matter of the paintings to consider. Die Toteninsel depicts a psychopomp ferrying a soul to the eponymous isle of the dead, and the story of Signlais is about trying help Ariane die, with the normal endings representing all the ways Elster succeeds and fails in doing so. In the artifact ending, however, we are not trying to put anyone out of their misery. We’re beseeching the King in Yellow, or the Almighty Red Hexagon, or the Music of the Universe, or whoever the fuck, to grant us our own little pocket-dream-dimension where we never have to die and can dance with our wife forever, amidst the decay of a solar system which has just contracted cancer. We’ve already cast off from the shore of oblivion by this point, but the island we’ve landed on in this ending can’t really be considered the isle of the dead. We're dancing, after all, so this must be the isle of life.

This interpretation of Die Lebensinsel having crystallized in my mind, I circled back around to my most recent question: why is Ariane named after the artifact ending? I still wasn’t sure. But, as I ruminated on it, I realized that you can also draw a direct line from Elster’s name to the artifact ending. After all, Elster=Lilith, and Lilith=lilies, and lilies=the artifact ending.

To surmise, my question has gone from “Why is Ariane named after poplar?” to "Why isn't Ariane named after cypress?" to “Why is Ariane named after Die Lebensinsel?” to “Why is Ariane named after the artifact ending?” to “Why are Elster and Ariane both named after the artifact ending?” What could it all mean? Maybe in a few weeks/months/years, I’ll come upon an answer I’m satisfied with.

#signalis #currently reeling from the implications of a cypress/poplar dichotomy don't mind me

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adaptacy · 1 year ago

Note

If you are taking requests, I have a pairing that I do not ever see enough of: Gale x Durge. Specifically resisting the urge type Durge. Starved for content as I am, I’d be happy with whatever is written about the two. But I’d love something involving Durge nearly killing their lover or the reveal of Durge being one of the orchestrators of the Absolute plot. In game, those scenes feel far too underdeveloped.

Durge playthrough spoilers blow the cut (Shadow-cursed lands, Last Light Inn stuff. No act 3 spoilers)

so, I haven't gotten to that far into my durge playthru but I did get to the part where you try and kill your lover and to nobody's surprise that happened to be Gale!! i was actually kinda terrified that he was going to die bcs, in my defense, I did try to kill Isobel but Marcus or whatever-his-name-was got the last blow on her first and I was devastated that Gale was gonna have to pay the price for my low damage roll. in the end ofc it was worth it cause he tied my durge up and, I mean, who's gonna complain abt that??

ANYWAYS point is, yes, I agree, I wish that scene was more fleshed out too and I am more than happy to oblige and build on the scene that we were given! Also fun fact, I hadn't actually confirmed the relationship with Gale when this scene happened but the night directly after I tried to kill him he showed me his... 'tower'. And given how horny he gets watching tav/durge beat ppl up in the shadow cursed lands, i do not think that was a coincidence LMAO

No Sceleritas here cause I'm just gonna get to the good part :D — also durge here is gonna be sorta resisting the urge, but has more or less been allowing it to fester, just not embracing it.

Gorgeous was an understatement.

Busy days — waking hours occupied by wars, sight filled only with the flashes of spells and showers of blood — were all you knew. Nights were barely any break. Smiles were more common at camp, but given the near complete lack of smiles outside of camp, it wasn't saying much. There wasn't much time to be at camp, as the original mission to rid yourselves of the tadpoles grew messier and messier with every passing battle, and each matter was more pressing than the last.

You didn't mind, really. While you were just as eager to get the incubating creature out of your head as the rest of your group, each new quest and mission brought along with it the promise of bloodshed. Adrenaline. Victory. A momentary but exorbitantly satisfying quenching of your thirst for violence. A thirst you first found unsettling and terrifyingly unfamiliar.

When you first found yourself gazing down at the bloodied body of a stranger, dreaming of the torturous pain they must have felt when they met their fate, you were disgusted. Couldn't believe where your thoughts had wandered.

You'd fought it. Refrained from telling the others for fear of being ridiculed, or losing their trust, or scaring them. For a while, you'd fought it. But scarlet liquids, screams of terror, and slaughter had become your routine.

And gorgeous was an understatement.

Peace. Security. Naivete.

One knee bent, the other lazily stretched out, the bedroll barely containing the length of his body. One hand under his head, the other by his side. His eyes were closed, the soft hazel only ever plagued by a buried longing was hidden from you now. His hair spread over one arm and on the thin straw pillow beneath his head, more messy than he'd ever let it be seen while he was awake.

His right cheekbone had a bruise on it from where he'd hit himself with the butt of his staff while swinging it, and you recalled finding time to chuckle at his mistake in the middle of the battle. Being a few feet away, he'd heard it, and couldn't help but look over at you, his cheeks red from more than the blunt force, his mouth pulled back in an embarrassed smile. The moment of shame had earned him a punch to the side from his opponent moments before Astarion managed to stick them with his own blade, saving Gale from a worse fate.

Even down here, far from the surface, it was warm enough — perhaps from the fire that burned a mere two, maybe three, feet away — for Gale to concede and discard his shirt, resting more comfortably in a pair of indigo pants.

He had been honest about his appetites. His cravings. He was hardly hesitant about revealing that part of himself to you — fortunately, he was plenty aware of the consequences that would be wrought upon you, and the rest of the group, should he risk being unable to consume artifacts if he kept his secret.

Even Astarion, who's affliction was much closer to your own, was honest about his needs. It took a lot longer, and you're not sure how things would have gone over had you not woken up the night he planned to feast on you, but his admission did occur.

You were aware of the risks of your secret. You always yearned for more, even when you were positively drenched in crimson, when you'd been messy enough in your strikes that bathing in the river the following evening caused the water around you to be tainted a diluted red. Everything was temporary. Even the satisfaction derived from fights that left your weapon with such thick clumps of gore that Gale had to hold the shaft while you scrubbed away, as if the fight itself hadn't been taxing enough on your exhausted body.

Yet they all remained unaware. Some picked up on it better than others; Lae'zel's compliments, however shallow they often were, had picked up in frequency as you allowed your hunger to get the best of you, undoubtedly giving you some heartless upper hand against the foes forced to face off against your party. Karlach found you delightful, affectionately doting over you as you imitated her own battle-induced rages, though she didn't quite pick up on your lingering stares or mild smirks when your appetite had been satisfied.

Gale was the closest to discovering the truth. Unsurprising, given your mutual favoritism for one another. When you'd butchered Alfira, you'd been quick to blame wolves. Shadowheart, immediately discomforted at the mention, believed you without a second thought. Lae'zel had jumped to blame the Tiefling's lack of defense. Astarion seemed unbothered at best. The others were too busy mourning the bard's early demise to ask questions.

But he'd found you later, kneeling by the river, just before bed. 'A devastating misfortune she suffered. A sweet, innocent soul. Misfortune is perhaps the only apt term for the loss. Terribly curious, it is — To be so savagely slaughtered by beasts that aren't even native to these woods.'

You remembered freezing, fear flashing in a quick rush across your vision, knowing his eyes were on you, studying your reaction. He was so close. You'd agreed — 'an unfortunate fate indeed' — and he'd said goodnight.

Never again was it brought up. Never again was it questioned.

And gorgeous was an understatement.

That was, perhaps, the worst misfortune of all. He had such undying curiosity about the world, and yet that curiosity never reached you, or your intentions, or your past. Too trusting.

The camp was quiet. Crackling flames, distant whispers from the shadows hanging just beyond the light's reach, and his soft, patterned, blissful breathing. His chest rose and fell, so helplessly gentle.

His staff leaned up against a rock several feet away, alongside with everyone's weapons, save for Astarion, who preferred to keep his daggers close. Today had been no different from the rest; the battles had been taxing, only seeming to increase in difficulty the further you wandered into the shadows. He'd given it his all today, and it had been worth it, as you'd managed yet another day without losing any member of your party. As he'd explained it, the more of the weave he manipulated, the weaker his spells got — at least until he was able to rest.

He lay before you, undoubtedly sapped by the day's events. Defenseless.

And gorgeous was an understatement.

Three bruises. One on his cheekbone, one persistent discoloration that sat in the middle of the dark mark of the orb, and one on his side where he'd been assaulted by the undead in his moment of distraction. In a blink, your fingers grace the bruise on his side, and they tingle. Being fresh, the blemishes swirl a deep purple into his light skin, nearly matching the tint of his pants.

Purple was his best color, wasn't it?

The twitch of your fingertips sends a pulse through your body, and you taste an itch in the back of your throat. The tadpole squirms, you can feel its short wriggle behind your eye, but its control falters. Some other sensation warms your body, easing you into a malleable, thinning consciousness, and your gaze trails slowly, drunkenly, over his torso.

Three bruises. Clear, stuck to his skin like the stars he so fondly recalls. So far from the view of the sky, and yet you find a constellation still. Another blink, and your right leg has crossed over his waist. However forgotten your past is, it grants you a waking dream, as vivid as reality; Gale Dekarios, laying under you much like he was now, his pretty face littered with prettier bruises that dot all the way down to his shoulders, his neck red and swollen, branded by the picturesque imprint of hands.

Your hands.

And gorgeous is an understatement.

It's distinct. The pulse of his arteries, teasing the gift of blood beneath his skin, purring under your fingers as they push, your thumbs hitched underneath his jaw, pressuring the veins. Your own heart is thumping, encouraging your desires, urging you to indulge.

You've tasted vindication like this before. When you awoke to the spectacle of Alfira's maimed corpse, there was serenity like nothing you knew possible. It came underlined by pride, your work preciously appalling, and you relished the piece, the art macabre and perfect.

The sweeter the canvas, the finer the design.

Gale was nothing if not sweet.

"My — Hardly the sight I was expecting to wake to."

Another blink, and his bruises are gone, save for the contusion on his cheek. Absent are the inscriptions of your hands on his neck, and his hazel eyes are revealed to you once more. Though you don't remember moving it, your hand presses against the black circle on his chest, palm pining for his throat.

You're unable to move. Unable to control yourself. Unable to win back your own consciousness. Gale props himself up on his elbows. His heart rate has picked up, and yet you don't sense fear. The curiosity in his eyes is familiar. The quirk in his left eyebrow and the smirk playing on the corner of his mouth is not.

"I do assume you meant to wake me, eventually. No harm," he says, gaze narrowing, and your lack of a response makes him huff out a chuckle, or at least part of one, as it only lasts a beat. Your eyes are pinned to his throat, reaching to find the comfort of your imagination's lens again, but your dream has been interrupted. At last, your eyes meet his, and it's the hazel that causes the tadpole to squirm again, awakening your senses once more. Gale moves one of his hands to rest on your waist, and his head recoils ever so slightly. "You look uncomfortable. What's wrong?" He asks, and you're able to sense a less pleasant curiosity, but it's still free of fearful influence.

"I'm going to kill you. You have to stop me."

His eyes widen, and still, there is no fear. He doesn't believe you. "A rather twisted joke... Not one I find particularly humorous. Albeit, humor is subjective, although–"

"I killed Alfira. You're next. No time – you have to stop me," you huff, and your confession brings on a raging headache, unlike any pain you've ever felt before. You lean forward, teeth grit as you groan, and Gale squeezes your hip for a moment. Though the reverberations in your head are overwhelming at the least, you finally catch a hint of fear from the wizard, and you're thankful for it. At least a part of you is, though the beast that brings on your headache is only bubbling to a rage, furious that you would dare turn against your thoughts. You've not committed a betrayal against your own conscience, but instead, betrayed your destiny, refusing some urge that is larger than yourself.

With what little remaining control you have, you push yourself off of him, and he's quick to rise to his feet. Your eyes squeeze closed, fighting the unwelcome entity with the rest of your energy, though given your excursions earlier in the day, that energy is quickly dwindling. Your knees press to the dirt, the heels of your palms pressing to your temples as you keel over, an aggressive, roaring nausea plaguing your senses, soon joined by an even more violent malignity that rips into your control as though it means to test you.

You want him dead.

A wonderful bath his blood would provide — A marvelous crack his bones would sing — A remarkable terror he could feel. He will suffer.

There's a firm squeeze on your arms as they're yanked behind your back, and you writhe, fighting your cravings as they fight your containment. The hold is followed by a burning scrape on your wrists as they are hastily, and uncomfortably tightly, bound by rope. Your head swings, but Gale manages to pull back in time, his reflex causing his grip to falter, and you fall to your side, rolling towards his bedroll.

He frowns, eyebrows pinched inward and he kneels in place, a few paces away, reading the situation and assessing just how much of a threat you pose. Gale glances at where Shadowheart and Karlach lie, still miraculously sleeping soundly despite the struggle occurring no more than two yards from where they reside. His attention returns to you. "Easy. Should you retain any control, I merely request that you refrain from indulging in... whatever your intentions may have been. Greedy as it may be, an explanation certainly wouldn't hurt."

There's a command, conjuring as a sensation rather than a verbal declaration, and it rings through your entire body. You're unable to decipher the apparition's ambition, but your muscles act nonetheless. It fights — you fight — against the rope, and there's a flare of savage discontent when you're unable to free yourself. "You're better off as my prey! You will suffer a purgatory worse than any of the hells could manage," you bark, and your words are not your own. The control he speaks of is entirely silenced, leaving you an unwilling vessel, forced to submit to the will of your past.

"Not the answer I would have preferred, but an answer nonetheless. Yelling will only stir the others from their slumber, and I predict they won't be as understanding as yours truly. You should consider taking up a quieter tone," he advises, and you growl, forcing rashes into your wrists as you wage a war on your binds.

"I will spill your blood before this night is through!" You yell again, and Karlach shifts where she sleeps, stirring a flash of worry in his expression. "Wake them! I'll slaughter them all the same!"

Gale cringes, conflicted for only a moment before he overcomes his internal argument, and he quickly rushes to your side. You bite at him with a rabid ferocity, and he sits behind you, pulling your body closer to his own, even as you squirm and fight him. Shadowheart mumbles, bordering on the edge of lucidity, and Gale curses out a whispered "Godsdamn it." He huffs, irritated just as much as he is scared, and his palm presses to your mouth, his thumb keeping your jaw shut — or at least trying to keep it shut — as your head is pulled against his shoulder.

You mumble, fervently antagonizing him, your muffled words being split up only by the subtle flinching of your jaw as you attempt to bite at his hand, all to no avail. His grasp is tight, nearly rough, keeping you as restrained as possible, and he watches Karlach and Shadowheart with apprehensive dread, his focus painfully split between concern for you and fear of you.

Gale looks down at you, his expression firm and yet, against all odds and expectations, somehow understanding, even if it is incredibly mild. "I've seen you tear apart the most ferocious of beasts. Foes that would make Bhaal himself tremble. You always prevail. You must defeat this — whatever it is." He nods, but his encouragement is not what you want to hear; you thirst for his terror, you thirst for his pleading, you want to see him tremble. His tone softens, and he squeezes your jaw, almost tenderly. "I'm right here. No blood will be shed tonight. Fight to your heart's content; I will not give in. You cannot give in, either."

Your heart is all that remains of your better judgement, and it aches at his promise, though the guilt and appreciation is quickly whisked away by your burning rage, your need for violence. You persist, as does he, correcting your every shift, no matter how exhausted he grows. Certainly the most stern you've ever seen him — more disciplined than you knew he could be, but you have little room in your mind to process that. You despise the way that he cares, the fact that he is just gentle enough not to injure you as he restricts you, the understanding in his expression, the near nurturing tone he takes on.

Yet it's the affection that eventually subsides your bloodlust, willing it to retire, however angry it remains. Angry at the loss, angry at the incompetence, angry at the devotion. Devotion to the wrong subject. Gale wins, ultimately — and by some affiliation, so too do you. A temporary victory, you're well-aware, but even if it isn't permanent, your body becomes your own, your thoughts and feelings along with it.

Exhaustion is the first burden you bear upon your return, and Gale is hesitant to ease his grasp on you, but he takes the risk, and you can't muster the energy to move away from him. Your head pangs with a narrow pain, manifesting as a faint ringing in your ears, and your wrists sear with sharp bites from the fraying rope. His hand releases your mouth, shifting quickly to your shoulder as your torso threatens to fall over, your buried rancor having completely wasted away the last of your energy.

Gale sighs, his own muscles easing up as he inches backwards, allowing you to lean more comfortably, and with a bit more stability, against his chest. One of his arms stays displayed over your abdomen, quite possibly still a little worried you might lash out again, and you didn't blame him for exercising caution. You lean into him, mostly because you lack the energy to do much else, but also because you want him to understand that you are beyond appreciative. "I'm sorry," you mumble, your voice hoarse and barely above a whisper — barely audible at all, really.

"I know. You're okay. Rest now, you'll certainly require some form of rejuvenation if we intend on defeating Ketheric and... Well, repressing whatever it is that you find yourself cursed with. And I assure you, I do so unquestionably intend on assisting you with your affliction. After all, I'm quite fond of my vitals, and I've no interest in seeing them spilled." Gale's tone is almost lighthearted, but genuine still.

His arm releases you, and he guides you to rest your head in his lap, allowing you to experience a little more comfort. Your eyes close, and you fear sleep — you know the possible horrors you could cause when you're left defenseless against your bloodlust — but you feel it taking you nonetheless. Gale doesn't untie you, not yet anyways, and it provides the slightest of reassurances. Worst case scenario, you know that, should the urge take advantage of your rest, Gale will expect it this time.

"Perhaps a poor time for confessions," he begins, his hand brushing stray hairs from your face, "But I must admit, the notion of you becoming lost to that rage is not a concept I'm anywhere near comfortable with. Keeping my heart beating is one motivation, and a strong one at that — but I hope you understand that keeping you safe is also immensely important to me. In all honesty, I'm... not sure what I'd do without you. I worry enough witnessing your engagement in the violent affairs we do so often find ourselves tangling with." Gale pauses, and clears his throat, shifting nervously. "Apologies, pay me no mind — A little shaken up, I fear my feelings may be getting the best of me. Rest. We'll reconvene come morning."

#baldurs gate 3 fanfiction #gale baldurs gate 3 #baldurs gate 3 #baldurs gate #baldur's gate 3 #gale dekarios #gale dekarios bg3 #gale dekarios x reader #gale dekarios x durge #durge bg3 #bg3 durge #durge #gale bg3 x durge #durge x gale #bg3 #gale of waterdeep

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lorablackmane · 1 year ago

Text

ISAT Act 5 Missable Interactions

I missed a shitton my 1st playthrough bc I was on that Siffrin mindset during act 5's loop and I realized afterwards I had a save in the meadow b4 everything. So I decided to compile stuff I found I missed 4 others who might've missed things too! Please keep in mind that below will be spoilers for this act and the next, and that there are some concerning things about Siffrin found here that I've labeled this post with a few trigger warnings. Check them before reading to decide if you want to read!

Updated!!!!!!!

Please note the section on the favor tree has new info!! If you don't want to know how a secret boss fight goes please skip the 2nd to last dot.

• Literally every kid in town is terrified by Siffrin now, ignoring him or telling them to go away. You'll walk away from the shopkeeper if you try to talk to him, causing Odile to look at Siffrin with concern. He eats the pain du chocolat in one bite, concerning the pastry maker.

• Says stepping on the banana peel isn't in the stage instructions if u try to use it now.

• Everything that had a smell in earlier chapters now smells like sugar.

• If you interact with the cookies on floor one Siffrin will try to eat one. It's as hard as a rock.

• Interacting with the landscape drawings in the broken egg key room makes them hysterically ask if they'll ever see anything outside this loop ever again.

• A new group of drawings are also here of Siffrin with his face completely blotted out like the friendship drawing.

• The dictionary makes him scream that he isn't taciturn anymore, is he?!

• Interacting with the "grape juice for adults" makes them say they hate alcohol (jlmfr) b4 taking a swig.. only to discover its actually just juice. They remark hysterically they can't even get drunk in peace here!

• Mira's dying plant reminds them of someone, and they remark how there's four happy, never changing plants all together on the other desk before hysterically laughing. Rubs their arms when passing the desks to try to simulate the human contact they'd get in earlier loops from their family.

• Says they'll make all the wishes come true if you Interact with the Head Housemaiden's wish survey.

• Rips the info on the King, if interacted with again they attempt their breathing exercises to no avail then suddenly smell sugar again.

• Looking at the drawings in this office will make Siffrin start thinking about defacing them, but remarks he doesn't have a pencil as he hysterically thinks scribble, scribble, scribble.

• Mocks themself for thinking odile is there if u interact with the checked out book list in the library.

• Gets upset if Interacting with the diary area bc they still can't say the name of their home country. Calls himself a stupid blinding idiot.

• Gets upset at the theater scroll section, stating why read one when you're in one. Tells themself to stop going off script and go if interacted with again.

• Wonders if they'll ever carve again when Interacting with the carving wood. States they'd like to carve the King if so so they can snap him in half if interacted with again.

• Interacting with the cupboard with eyepatch makes them say they're cold, their stomach hurts, they can't stop shaking and a headache is forming from thinking about their mistakes. Then they take the painkillers, one over the recommended dosage for their size.

• Interacting with food shelves makes them ask why their stomach hurts so much and they're so hungry like they haven't eaten in years.

• The croissant cookbook makes them grip their coin.

• The anthology of horror stories makes them repeat the scene with their family, before they mock themself again for knowing it by heart since they have always wanted to never forget

• Breaks one of the statues on the change God shelf in the pottery room.

• Refuses to take the gizmo, stating a fair fight or none at all.

• The clothing closet where Isabeau talks about your cloak makes him repeat the scene though says he's had this cloak forever in shaking text. When Isabeau goes to check the cloak Siffrin says that he doesn't touch them because they're disgusting. They say they're so cold. This time they realize they're hallucinating the others being there when they are going to do the final reply.

• They tell themselves to stop monologuing if they try to go towards the bathrooms.

• You can see the House inhabitants if you leave the final room!! And go back to Dormont to see the party they were getting ready for. The others will join Siffrin out of corcern for his mental state instead of stopping him which is nice. There's a bunch of interactions here I won't note but they're delights.

• Loop is gone, but Siffrin will leave their silver coin where they sat in a custom from his homeland.

Edit: thanks to @cleverretortnotfound for the hint that this changes! Instead of nothing there u find a silver coin. If interacted with he'll remark its the exact same as his own and call out to Loop, then ask if they should call them by their previous name... and Loop reappears. Silently they let Siffrin look them over, and though they don't have any features that mirror Siffrin's own... he knows. Theyre the same person. He takes their own coin out, flipping it before sending it to Loop who catches it without thinking. They look at it for a moment, before saying, "Oh stardust... so, you've won, haven't you? You broke the loops? Defeated the King? Talked to your party? Realized that all along, the reason you were stuck here was because of a stupid blinding wish you made? Awww. I'm soooo happy for you. You got your perfect ending, after all. And now... I have nothing left to say to you. So you should go."

Siffrin doesn't reply, causing Loop to ask why they're there still. What does he want them to say? WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO SAY? HE'S WON!

Once again, Siffrin doesn't reply. Loop laughs, before saying "oh, Stardust! You know, you know I was just like you once! A stupid, aimless traveler, trying to find any reason to keep going! And then, I met everyone! And I felt that finally, I had people i could count on, people I could love! And then, I got scared! And made the exact same mistake you did! Make a stupid blinding wish, hoping I could stay with them! Went through the House, tried to fight the King, tried to win! Did that for so long, I couldn't even give you a number! And then... I couldn't do it anymore. ...You see, not unlike you a few hours ago, I did a very special kind of giving up. But unlike you, who gave up on your wish, and almost destroyed the world in the process... I gave up on my wish, and destroyed myself.

And made another wish instead. I wished it could be over. I wished I could get out of here. I wished for someone to help me. For someone... Anyone, to help me!!! And someone did help me, right? The Universe did! They got me out of here! And trapped me in some other Siffrin's loops instead!!! And it was fine. It was different. It was even peaceful, for a while. I didn't have to stay inside the House, trying to defeat the King. I didn't have to fight, I didn't have struggle, I didn't have to do anything.

(Note: during the last paragraph, during the I wished section up until the scream for anyone to help,, we see stills from the intro animation where Siffrin eats the star. Theres a new still though, a close up of Siffrin crying out before he ate it.)

I just had to watch, and be happy that at least, I wasn't the only idiot out there who trapped themselves eternally in time. I just had to be happy that at least, this time, it wasn't me. And now. And now. AND NOW YOU-!!!

So! Since you won't leave, here's what I'm thinking... let's fight, you and I! Let's have a cute, minuscule, old-fashioned little fight like a bonded couple. Okay~?"

Once again, Siffrin doesn't reply and Loop laughs, "nothing to say, still? Haha... HAHAHAHA!! STARS, killing you would make me SO HAPPY. (note: during this sentence temporarily Loop turns into Siffrin and looks rather... concerning) Are you ready?"

Siffrin tries to speak up, but Loop says they don't get a choice.

The battle commences, with Loop saying let's just get to it. Loop strikes with stars but isn't very strong, they loop back the 1st time you win, the 2nd, the 3rd, and on the fourth the photo changes (will add link to another post with pics later).

At the end of the battle Loop looks away before saying, "you... Siffrin, Stardust, whatever our real name actually is... just kill me."

Siffrin is shocked and asks why. "Why," they say, "Are you stupid? Isn't it obvious?! I wanted to kill you!! So I could take your place!! I wanted what you have!!! Stars, I still do! You... you don't.. you don't want another you walking around. You should just kill me and get on with your stupid life!!"

This makes Siffrin laugh and reply their self-hatred isn't strong enough that'd they'd kill another version of themselves. Loops laughs at that and says he's got weird priorities... then say but what if they're asking him? What if Loop wants this? What if dying is the ending they want?! Siffrin doesn't reply and Loop starts to beg, "Stardust, please, please just kill me!!! I don't want to be here! What else is there for me now?! You've won, so I should be gone!! I can't go back to how it was before, because that past is gone! I can't go back to my friends, because they wouldn't recognize me!! There's nothing else for me to do, no script to follow, no Universe to lead me, I-"

They can't continue, sobbing. "Why.. why did it have to be you...? I could've... I wanted to... if only back then, I... if I had held on longer... maybe then..."

Oh Loop, Siffrin thinks. But don't you get it, he says. Loop asks what is there to get. The reason he succeeded, he replies, but Loop still doesn't understand. They take Loop's face into their hands as they say Loop was the reason they succeeded! Without them, he would've given up too. Because they were by Siffrin's side they continued going. Yes they didn't tell him everything, yeah they didn't know what to do... but knowing they were here and he wasn't alone...

They tearfully reply he's lying, but he says he's not. They shout again Siffrin is lying, but they reply again they're not! They try to scream it again, but siffrin stops them by saying, "Loop. Mira sends her thanks, by the way. They all do." Confused Loop repeats the word thanks, adding "...to me...?"

Siffrin laughs, and reminds them they helped the others get to the King. That they sent their thanks for leading them to Siffrin. For helping them save him. Loop can't reply, and Siffrin says, "See?"

"Stardust... why couldn't it have been me...?" Loop asks, to which Siffrin replies they don't know. Maybe it was the script, maybe it was the Universe, or maybe... maybe it's no one's fault. Loop is silent once more and he replies, "I'm sorry, Siffrin."

Finally using Loops real name. Then adds, "And thank you, Loop. Without you, I would've given up a long time ago. Thank you for helping me, this whole time."

Loop doesn't respond and Siffrin goes, "Loop, we can-"

Loop cuts them off, "Siffrin." He flinches as they continue, "Please, you're going to have to talk to them, from now on. No more keeping how you feel from them. We both know where this leads. And if one day, no matter what you do, everyone's paths and yours diverge... you'll have to learn to be okay with it. We cant... we can't do this again. Hold them hostage, against their knowledge, against their will, just because we're lonely. Learning to talk to them... learning to let go... it'll be hard. It'll feel impossible. You might think you'd rather die than share how you feel. After all, isn't bottling things up the reason you managed to break the loops? You didn't have to tell them anything until the very end, and it turned out fine didn't it?"

Siffrin is silent, then attempts to say but, but if I talked to them earlier, then maybe - then gets cut off by loop, "Yeah, dummy. If only you had been strong enough to talk to them, maybe this whole story wouldn't have happened at all. If only... oh well. It doesn't matter now."

Loop starts to disappear. Siffrin asks where they'll go now? Loop sadly replies, "Oh, stardust... I don't know! I'll join you so we can become one? I'll Die? I'll stay under this tree forever? Does it matter?"

You can choose between it does and I guess it doesn't. I won't update this with the other, I'm sorry but this is taking a toll on me, so I'll atleast tell you what "It does!" Leads to.

They laugh, then say Siffrin's sweet. "Aww, don't worry, Stardust. Somehow... I'm sure I'll see you again. You... and everyone else. Mirabelle, Isabeau, Odile, and Bonnie. I need to accept their thanks in person, don't I? That's just basic etiquette. And I'll need to give you back your silver coin eventually!"

Siffein agrees, and Loop continues, "...hmm. I'll see you all again soon enough, Stardust. I promise! I super promise! I super duper promise! So don't forget me, okay?"

The screen fades, leading us back to the gang. They welcome Siffrin back and ask if everything's okay. He says he thanked Loop, to which they're relieved. Odile says she was hoping they'd bring em back so she could thank them in person, and the others agree though Isa says they looked shy so maybe they were too embarrassed. Which is too bad because he had so many questions, and so he hopes they see them again soon. Bonnie says they wanted to know how Loop glows and how it felt, to which Mira chides them saying you can't ask someone how they glow. Bonnie is flabbergasted, making the others laugh.

Odile adds she hopes Siffrin told them they can see the gang anytime. Sadly Siffrin smiles before saying he did, and how they too hope Loop says hi again soon. The others note Siffrin looks sad while saying this to which he replies he was thinking of Loop. The others tell them they'll have to tell the gang more about them then soon. Like how they met and why they're a star. Also how they knew about the loops. They then go back to the final room.

• The best artist ever has something new in the epilogue.

Souvenirs

Silver coin

B4: grips it in his pocket.

Epilogue: remarks that it's been with them through it all and feels like it could've been used for something. Backstory no longer unlockable, but can be used at the Favor tree.

Drawn card

B4 epilogue: says it's a traveler walking to their death with open eyes, rips it apart.

The end: looks at the card and just says "it's you!"

Epilogue: says it's a traveler starting a new journey, the card is labeled the fool.

Bright flower

B4 epilogue: tears off all the petals then discards it

The end: says it's still here.

Epilogue: you still have the flower, he says before deciding that it's theirs now!

Friendship doodle

B4: Siffrin's face is blotted out, no reaction to viewing this..

Epilogue: their face is no longer missing. Unknown whether this was a hallucination on their end or not.

Clay

B4: presses it between their hands to try and help them with their breathing exercises.

The end: squish, squish they say.

Epilogue: Clay they say, before making a star.

Piece of glass

B4: uses it to self harm by piercing it through a bit of the back of their arm multiple times. Says stars afterwards, can't tell if being sarcastic and calling the dots they made that or screaming the word like a curse as usual. (Updated: if used a second time Siffrin says they're making more tiny stars. Concerning)

The end: they say hide it, hide it don't make the others worried.

Epilogue: they become scared and startled, saying they need to be careful. Then they toss it before they can hurt themself.

Broken doll

B4: fixes the clothing on it, if u click on the cupboard it's from again tells it it'll see the end if it's the last thing it does.

The end: turns the doll so it can see everything.

Epilogue: they hold it close as they look at the sky, saying they both made it.

Crumpled poem

B4: genuinely could not read this the first seven times but using the capture reveals after reading it Siffrin repeatedly says they want to go home.

Epilogue: they read it, then say they'll never go home again, but maybe they can make a new one. They can't wait to see if they can.

Mirror picture

B4: no reaction. Says its of them and the actors despite no one being there.

Epilogue: they grip it tightly before tossing it, saying it's in the past now. That they're fine, they're fine! And if not they will be soon.

Long thingy-thing

B4: tosses it, saying it's not needed anymore.

Epilogue: they say it's their long thingy now.

#in stars and time #isat spoilers #isat #lbanalysis #Tw self harm #tw self destructive behavior

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iamtotallyfineokay · 1 year ago

Text

A new game?

Hey guys, I decided to change the idea for a bit. In one of my last posts, I mentioned my idea of Yandere FNAF UCN. In another previous post, I also said my how Yandere UCN is just Ultimate Custom Night slowly becoming Ultra Custom Night, while the robots practically simp for reader dangerously. However, I realised how it might not be appropriate, as the creator of Ultra Custom Night would probably not want their game being used for x reader fanfics with the storyline of Left4Dead Lovesick FNAF edition in an office. So I tried to change it! Instead there is a FNAF fangame I made up in my head based off the FNAF community’s stuff, like fanmade animatronics and fangame characters for example. I’m still building the plot, so please ‘bear‘ with me. Enjoy!

You are (Name). You work as a small streamer online, with you gaining an adequate amount of subscribers and followers on Twitch and Tumblr, due to the FNAF content that you created. People like you for your SFM and Blender animations and your occasional FNAF memes. You even made fanmade FNAF merch which was pretty good. You recently requested your followers what FNAF games they want to see you play. Some of them began requesting games like Five Nights at Candy’s, Dormitabis or Animators’ Hell. Others stick to requesting original games like Pizzeria Simulator, FNAF World, and Security Breach. You then start playing the games your followers requested the next day on Twitch.

As you finish your run on Ultra Custom Night, you cross it off the list of requested games that your followers asked you to play. However, there was one odd request you were curious about. This request mentioned a game called The Last Terminal at Freddy’s, which you went on to find on Gamejolt in your free time. However, it didn’t exist(?), only having a Page Not Found screen on your computer.

However, according to the anonymous requester, they proclaimed that, like Ultra Custom Night, this new fangame has a lot of animatronics as well as new mechanics. The requester said, in a nutshell after that, the game is just if the whole community stuffed FNAF games, fangames, book and fanmade animatronics, all put into one game that is programmed and formatted like Ultimate Custom Night. They even mentioned that if The Last Terminal at Freddy’s was compared to Ultra Custom Night, UltraCN would be only about a percent of the content that The Last Terminal at Freddy’s has, as animatronics far and wide across the FNAF community are out in it, with the original FNAF animatronics, to the FNAF AR skins and animatronic variants, to wonderful fanmade animatronic variants, to even the smallest things like the FNAF easters eggs, loading screens and such.

Even though you were excited for it, there were other followers that responded to that requests, saying that the game is probably not real, it will be cancelled, or it might cause problems like lag or a virus being installed. You, however, like the naive Let’s Play player you are, had faith and waited for this new fangame, since the anonymous requester stated that the release date is around tomorrow, late at night, the time after you streamed your playthroughs of FNAF games. As you say goodbye to your followers while you shut off the stream, you were excited! A new fangame is coming! You then go to sleep, before waking up the next day, preparing a small meal, and going to Gamejolt to check on your computer to see if it’s there.

It was! It was released around midnight, showing impressive small leaks that weren’t enough to reveal much of its contents but just enough to show small gameplay clips and pics, with one image displaying a roster with instead a width of 15 characters! You grew giddy, straight to opening the game in the process. You then dive in blind as the first thing that pops up is a title screen reminding you of the formatting of the Animators’ Hell title screen. 6 animatronics take up each side of the screen revealing a middle showing the title of the game ‘The Last Terminal at Freddy’s’. You then notice that whenever 5 to 10 seconds has passed, a random animatronic on the title screen will be replaced by another one that isn’t on it. You then press the ‘Enter’ button on the screen. The roster was huge. It seemed like it never ended no matter how far you scrolled down your mouse down. It was always filled with only roster posters of animatronics taking up the screen. You saw a setting where cheats can be turned on, where there is no system to worry about running your run, and a system where you can’t die. You turn on these cheats, set the animatronics’ AI to one, and dive into your run. After that, you were met with piles of jumpscares frame by frame, before having to purposefully ending the night by turning your oxygen mask system off.

After that, you tried some fun challenges like ‘Candy’s Franchise’, where only FNAC 1, 2, and 3 animatronics are turned on, ‘Malhare’s Invasion’, where Springbonnie and his related variants hunt you down, and ‘Hot, Hot, Hot!’, where you mostly try to make your temperature as cold as possible, trying to prevent any fire-related animatronic come into the office to kill you. You were having a lot of fun in this. So when you checked the time, you were surprised it was getting pretty late. You also realised you didn’t turn on your camera to record this. Oh well, you can do it tomorrow on stream, it’s not like you played much of it anyway. You left the game, shut down your computer, then went on the rest of your day, although you can’t help but have a small gut feeling something strange might happen, so you try to shrug it off.

Loading. . .

. .

. Loading successful. . .

Turning on title screen. . .

A bright flash of light awoke these haunting robotic mascots in a jolt like a shock. All they now see is black. Then, a dozen random animatronics see a face through bright mist against a dark background, while the rest stayed in their blinded state. A new player? Odd. The last time they were turned on was when a darkened figure tapped something in front of them, before all of them seeing black. However, they decide to stay put, though some of them were having a glitching effect after certain time intervals, before being swapped with another animatronic. This new face seems to have a jumpy, positive expression. Curiosity gets ahold of them. Let’s see who you are.

Numerous surprises await. You seemed quite happy to be in their presence, chuckling at certain animatronics who you adore secretly, complimenting the mechanics of others, while whole-heartedly just playing the game. This is new. It’s like facing childish innocence in an adult form, all grown-up while being jolly. The positive reaction they could get from players before you were the occasional comment of how this game is only a bit good while lacking content that could improve it.

This fun lasted so long they even forget time went on. To them it’s was hours and hours of fun, but to you, it was just only a few. Then there it was again. You greeted them goodbye, before pressing something in the corner and them seeing black. Oh.

Oh.

Oh well.

That’s sad.

It seems good things don’t last very long.

And it was quite tiring to be trapped in here after a ghost child named ‘Cassidy’ and a wicked old ghoul named ‘William’, battled each other and fought and fought and fought, only to eventually trap each other in this hell.

There were whispers of the vengeful spirit Cassidy hurling insults and blames onto William while the now-turned murder ghost himself sweared under his breath that the fault and outcast of this place was the golden girl who was given a second change at life and a deep hatred for William.

Each hour, these two fought and fought, until their voices crack and choke, broken from the constant negative words hurling at each other. However, a new player came in. A new one. A vessel. One so sweet that one could have their teeth rot in an instant if this new player becomes a candy.

Cassidy and William, putting their foul arguments aside, now went to their own companions about how a new potential vessel will be there now. A vessel of a perfect, self-imagined future, with good use, with Cassidy having a plan of the destruction of William Afton himself, not caring an ounce for the other animatronics stuck in this game, while William imagines a day where he will shred and kill and burn his future victims to the ground, after getting rid of the golden girl herself first. -

Charlie: But Cassidy, isn’t this a bit too much? Your spirit has reached a state of mind where vengeance takes over your thoughts and feelings.

Cassidy: But Charlie! Look at this! We are trapped in this stupid place because he was the man who started it all! If we get our hands on that person, we will be able to rest, or even better, end Afton himself!

William: Baby, my daughter, I display a deed for you. I seem to have found an appropriate vessel. One that’s so naive that they probably won’t realise they are being controlled. All we need to do, is request Malhare for the help of controlling this vessel, and we will continue the reign of hurt and fright!

Baby (from the books): Of course, sir! May a reign of newfound terror be shown through a new vessel. Shall we start it when this little one comes on again?

These prideful spirits and trapped animatronics are torn in a constant state of acceptance and anger. However, a bigger tear will form, as one’s desires can get in the way of things. Cassidy might not see the destruction of the man who murdered her, while the murderer himself, might not see another drop of blood again. The animatronics might gain awareness slowly, while the other spirits watch from the side the chaos that they foresee and partake in. Maybe the spirits of the angered victim and the murderer might change their plans, though their results might turn out far more gruesome than before. But overall, the main thing you will notice is a fate for our dear (Name) that will not end very well for them.

…-- ….. …--

OKAY THAT WAS LONGER THAN WHAT I PLANNED TO WRITE. But I hope you guys enjoyed it. This was longer than what I expected.

#yandere fnaf #yandere fnaf ucn #yandere fnaf x reader #fnaf x reader #cassidy fnaf #william afton #afton family #fnaf books #circus baby #charlie fnaf #platonic #x gn reader

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ghostoffuturespast · 11 months ago

Text

Works In Progress 2023: A Cyberpunk 2077 Year In Review

I thought for a hot minute about doing one of those snazzy templates that’s been going around, but editing photos just ain’t my MO and rather than going by month I picked 12 favs that I’ve posted in 2023. Some of them were popular, some of them weren't. Overall, I think I did pretty good for just doing vanilla photomode on console.

You might be wondering why there's a picture of a sticky note. I don't remember when I started doing this, and I'm horribly inconsistent as you can see by the dates, but I'll jot down my word count for my wip chapter and then jot it down again when I remember to later.

I write slow. A lot of times I sit down to write and it feels like the wheels are spinning in place. My minutes and hours don't stretch very far, typically don't add up to much. But days, weeks, months. That's when I can at least measure the progress.

Fic: So It Goes 40/44 - 438,946 words

My V x River Ward and tinfoil hat conspiracy theory long fic. I've spent way more hours on this then I have on any of my VP.

I got tagged by @just-a-cybercroissant @therealnightcity and @wanderingaldecaldo to do some WIP Whenevers. I post my VP pretty regularly, so it’s always seemed silly to do work in progress posts for them, and I don’t know when I’ll have any new writing to share since in between work and the holidays, I haven’t had much time to sit down with anything since my last chapter update. And I've been feeling very... stingy, lately. Especially when it comes to mine and other people's writing. So take this WIP/Year In Review as my offering. Both these series, as am I, are all very much still works in progress.

I confined my reflections for this year below the cut. If you don’t want to read my long-ass essays, you can admire the pictures, maybe check out my fic, or just move along and have yourself a lovely day.

We’ll start with the easy one.

After at least a year of multiple playthroughs (I’ve played all the lifepaths, done all the endings), it only occurred to me at the beginning of this year to start taking VP. Part of the reason I never did before was because I didn’t realize it was a thing and then by the time I did, I figured I didn’t have much to offer. I play on PS5 and only have access to vanilla photomode, so seeing everyone else’s high-fidelity, ultra ray-tracing, modded, posed, full on virtual photo shoot photos, I was like there’s no way. (Not that I’m hating on PC modders, it’s just not everyone has access to mods or a PC capable of running the game, and I’m all for making art and creative endeavors accessible.) On top of that, all I’d ever heard from most other folks was how much vanilla photomode sucked. In the glamorous world of VP, I didn’t think there was any room for me.

But I started snapping pics anyway. And sure, there are a lot of limitations with vanilla photomode. But what that really translates to is opportunities to get creative. I am also a hoe for subverting people’s expectations, and very much believe when there’s a will, there’s a way.

Environmental and landscape shots were my first subjects before I started branching out into portraits and then capturing story moments. Through VP I found an entirely new way to enjoy a game that I’d already played a ridiculous number of times along with also finally being brave enough to share my V with other people too. I’d always worried about that before, if people would like her. Granted, I know Grandpa’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but whether you like her or not, I certainly think she’s made a name for herself over the past few months. Even if most people haven’t really gotten to know her the way I’d hoped.

I’ve taken hundreds of photos this past year. Most of which I’ll never share. There’s a lot of flops, a lot of weird experiments, ones that didn’t quite turn out the way I’d hoped, but I’ve learned something from every single one of them. I know how to spot good lighting, frame shots to create optical illusions, get a very limited toolkit to work in my favor, parkoured on all of the things, and heck, I even figured out how to make Grandpa smooch other NPCs. I’ve done atmospheric, mundane, down right goofy, as well as things that most people probably thought weren’t fucking possible.

I can’t say how long I’ll keep doing this, I’m sure I’ll move on at some point, but for now I’m still enjoying myself. There's a lot to explore in this game and I just can’t stop digging Night City.

Now, for the more complicated thing.

Writing

So It Goes… My peace, my war, my greedy and most ravenous of ghosts.

I’m operating under the assumption that most people following me here probably haven't read my fic or aren’t all that interested in reading it to begin with. It’s fine. But you need to understand this fic, my writing, is the main thing that brought me here. This is also Grandpa V’s story. Most of you have met her, but unless you've been reading, most of you do not know her.

I wrote around 185,000 words and posted 10 chapters this year. 2022 was about 253,000 words and 30 chapters, along with several unrelated one shots. However, I don’t think I’ve done a single chapter this year that was less then 10k, and my longest managed to hit 27k. As of the last update I posted, the fic is currently sitting at around 439k words, 40 chapters, and still isn’t done.

I have four more chapters to write. I have written a metric shit ton of words. This is, by far, the longest and most intense creative project I’ve ever endeavored to complete.

When I started writing, I was expecting this fic to be around 100-150k. That seemed to be the average for most long fics. I did not plan on being an outlier. I'm not sure you can ever really plan for that, but I guess I enjoy subverting my own expectations too.

For those of you who are reading my fic, it is my sincerest hope that it shatters every expectation of where you think it’s going. It’s not a joke that I tagged my fic “#an ode to my tinfoil hat”. An ode it has turned out to be. I’ve been sitting on this theory for two years. I have told no one about it. I hope it sticks the landing and hits the way I want it to. I don't know if it will. But fuck, I just want to be done with it so I can move on with my life, take a break, and give myself the opportunity to make and focus on other things before I have to get back on the damn horse.

I wrote less this past year then I did in 2022. I had a lot of life changes, most of which were good, but with times of change come times of adjustment. Along with some realizations that maybe you don’t understand as much as you thought you did. Looking back, I’ve been in a state of unsettled, kuzushi, for a really long time. Which is not a good place to be. It’s how your ass ends up on the ground with a knee knocking out all your teeth. I thought I knew better. Thought I had enough practice to get away from it. But bad habits have good memories.

I think given the circumstances, I accomplished a lot with my writing this year. I don’t know if my writing is exactly where I want it to be. I doubt it every will be, but it’s evolved, grown, and I wrote a pretty hefty stack of words considering I started working full-time again, bought a house with my partner, moved, and have been dealing with the millions of other beans that life tends to throw one’s way. That being said, and for full disclosure, I’ve also been dealing with some of the worst cases of jealousy and envy I’ve had since I was a teenager.

Frankly, it sucks. They walk with me every fucking where I go, hold my hands to whisper back all my doubts. Try to persuade me to my baser instincts, to be cruel and lash out. But that's not aikido. Luckily, I’m not 16 anymore so it’s at least been easier for me to identify the problem. Though I’m still coming up short in terms of actually being able to do anything about it, and will be for at least a few months more.

Yeah, I keep talking about it because I don’t know how many people know that I've been feeling this way. And I’m tired of not talking about it in a room full of creatives, because yeah, I know I’m not the only one that feels this way. And not talking about it just makes all that pent up resentment worse for everyone.

Don’t get me wrong, I love writing. But with the way I work and think, it’s a slow, tedious, and incredibly time-consuming art. With how much my fic has snowballed over the course of writing, it’s left very little room for the other hobbies in my life. And as my fellow writers probably already know, writing is an incredibly insular craft. And unlike a picture or an image, which only requires a glance, reading a bunch of words requires time and commitment.

So, when you put yourself out there and share what you wrote, it’s a lonely feeling not knowing whether or not anyone connected with what you put on the page. Especially, when the people who do read aren’t compelled to voice anything and when the people you’d hope would read don’t. And then you're stuck in the dark, not knowing, because neither of us says a goddamn thing.

I started writing this fic prior to actually joining the CP2077 fandom. And I joined the fandom because I felt alone. I’ve been here a while now, albeit in a few different places, and that feeling still hasn’t gone away. I’m still trying to find camaraderie with my fellow writers and carve out something that kinda sort of resembles a home or a sense of community. I watch my peers around me as they seem to build that with each other, except me.

I’m envious of the things that people make and jealous of the relationships those have created and fostered between said people, because for the life of me, it’s been a struggle to cultivate that since I got here. I know it’s selfish, but I also don’t know what about me makes people so hesitant. There have been a handful of strangers that have shown up for me regularly, but as far as people I call friends in this fandom that have shown up and actually stuck around, I can only name one right now. (I know we're all busy. And I acknowledge my writing's not for everyone. I know maybe some of you are quiet, or shy, or probably a thousand other things. I get it. But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt any less. People will never know unless you say. Never know unless you take the time to interact or engage. Be brave. And that's true for a lot of things.)

The propensity is for the negative to outweigh the positive. I've got a lot of numbers on my fic, so you would think things would be fine, but at this point they just feel empty. They don't bring me any comfort or real satisfaction. And I hate feeling like the people I know don’t care and that most of you are just talking around me. That I’m some kind of annoyance not fit to interact with. Which may or may not be the case. I don’t know. Again, most of you have never said anything. And maybe I need to accept the fact that most of you never will.

But this is me trying to start conversation.

It’s really shitty, knowing that the thing I want the most is also the thing holding me back. I know how to work on it too, not that it’s any guarantee. The problem is I’m still writing and in a needy state of greed. And because I’m slow, I don’t have the time or the energy to be generous. I can only take right now. I can’t give.

Relationships require both.

I can’t bring myself to read other people’s writing. I can’t comment, or like, or share if I haven’t read anything. I'm desperate for conversation, but I also don't have the time or assurance to facilitate it with other people right now. And for some reason people never seem to want to talk to me, especially when it comes to writing. I want to be part of conversations, talk deeply with other people. But I can’t speak right now, I'm not in a place to offer generosity without someone first giving it to me.

And generosity and grace is what we all need.

Four more chapters and I hope my ghosts will finally let me read in peace.

#cyberpunk 2077 #2023 year in review #year in review #virtual photography #writing #from the top #fic: so it goes #long post #i can't guarantee a safe space but i can guarantee a brave space #if anyone's been feeling similarly and wants to talk about it my dms are open #the door's always open

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foibles-fables · 9 months ago

Note

I've been following you for the Horizon content, and it's been very fun to see it. And I've recently finished HFW, and honestly... I can't help but feel underwhelmed and disappointed with the story.

I loved the world building, character interactions and themes in general, as I truly felt involved with HFW, but like... I just can't bother to like, care, or feel involved with the Zenith storyline.

They were supposed to be the main force to drive the story to the final game... and yet, they had so little screen time on a very impressive world, Beta ended up playing a minor role compared to the whole world and had a sudden change on trusting Aloy after just seeing Rost, and Tilda played a huge exposition role, shoehorning all depth of them in the last hours, which I found to be rather overwhelming and even easy to forget after Varl died on GEMINI.

And the final mission just didn't do much to make them compelling. Like... as I was charging through the base and hearing them ramble about their superiority, Zo killed the sadist idiot, Tilda suddenly revealing Nemesis, and the final monologue from Aloy... I was just reactionless, because I didn't feel any sort of involvement with that storyline to make me hyped.

It felt like I was fighting an enemy just for the sake of fighting it. Which is something I didn't feel with Helis and the Eclipse on my first playthrough of HZD.

I really wanted to love HFW and be excited for Aloy's follow-up adventure... but I guess I just can't with this.

I know I'm rambling and complaining a lot, but as a huge fan of Aloy and Horizon (in general), I can't help but point this out to someone.

You might be surprised to hear that many share your reservations about the narrative of HFW, myself very much included.

Over two years later it's still kind of shocking how much the story--including the implementation of the Zeniths--hamstrung what HZD had naturally built HFW to address. Sometimes it feels like the team forgot how to pace? Bringing back GAIA in the first act was...a true ??? to me. The turning point of Aloy and Beta's relationship was, IMO, incredibly unearned, and I concur entirely about both Varl (as well as the player reaction to it, filtered through Aloy's reaction) and the final mission/fight.

I also know that others feel that Tilda's Nemesis reveal kind of stole the fun out of speculation for H3. With where HFW (and BS, re: Londra's data and other threads) left the story, I'm finding myself just not inclined or enthusiastic to think in-depth about what could plausibly be coming next, beyond what actually bridges back to HZD (Elysium and VAST SILVER, namely). HFW itself left no new mysteries to carry forward.

Consider, however, if the Zeniths and Beta had been saved for the final chapter. That, IMO, would have made for a much more compelling hook into H3. Reveal them in a post-credits stinger after Aloy succeeds at stabilizing the biosphere and finally restoring GAIA as an endgame task. Instead of some...questionably-motived space spaghetti Bigger Fish, we'd have an actual full-circle existential threat.

It really seems like a compelling storyline for HFW and beyond was spelled out right there in GAIA's dying plea from HZD, and then just...sidestepped into what we actually received.

This is all to say, nonny, you're absolutely not alone and I think many folks who were head over heels for HZD were underwhelmed by what was presented in HFW. Like you, I still adore the world and the characters--but there was a lot that very disappointingly fell flat otherwise. Here's hoping it was just a sophomore slump, second-installment weirdness, and H3 falls back into the stride that the first installment set up.

#NEVER feel bad about complaining nonny #it is healthy to be critical about the things we love and to voice our disappointment #even if we still love them love their world love their characters #my ask box is always open for critical analysis #horizon critical

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cadybear420 · 8 months ago

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Cadybear's Reviews- Murder at Homecoming

Welcome to the thirty-seventh official Cadybear's Reviews! Today I'll be talking about Murder at Homecoming, which I have ranked on the "Platinum Tier" at 9 stars out of a possible 10. My last and only playthrough of this was during September-December 2022.

This is definitely one of the better, if not the best release, of 2022, and it’s easily among my personal faves.

A MC who is proactive and gets shit done, multiple LIs, highly compelling story. How can I not love that? All three of the LIs are amazing characters– and Tyler especially is just precious. I think he’s the first love interest I have ever adored nearly as much as I’ve adored Aiden. I miss when we had male LIs that are just so babygirl.

The incorporation of mature topics and queer themes was especially excellent. MTFL, take notes! Because THIS is how you write a teen story that talks about queer sexuality and mature behaviors. Besides maybe BiBound I mean BloodBound, this is probably the first book in Choices where each LI has some degree of confirmed sexuality outside of their LI option status for the MC.

One thing that’s especially notable is how Tyler will talk about how he used to think he was straight if you romance him as a male or enby MC. I normally don’t mind much when LIs in GOC stories are made with the “playersexual” style of writing, but these sort of little changes are a good show of effort and give Tyler more character.

But of course, it’s not without a handful of problems.

Like COP (1), the story is incredibly linear and none of the clues or choices really affect your story. Sure, they give you a bit of extra background, but that’s about it.

The only choices that really have any impact are the stuff related to the queer discussions, Tyler’s romance route, and how the options for how your MC can talk about their queer experience can change based on your MC’s gender and romance choices. Which is still highly praiseworthy, don’t get me wrong, but I’d have loved to see some variation in the other elements of the book too.

And as much as I did enjoy this MC and do consider them one of the more refreshing ones, they were also a bit too rigid and pre-set for me at times. I get that some MCs will need to have pre-set details about them, and to some degree that does apply to this MC, but it was a bit much at times. Like, there was especially no need to give them a default first AND last name. I do like the aspect of MC preferring to go by their middle name, but we still could have been allowed to change their first and last names too, to be honest.

I found it really hard to feel for the loss of Perdita for this reason; the traumatic event backstory didn’t feel as well established, compared to that of ILITW and ACOR MCs. Though to be fair, I do remember there being a handful of premium scenes to see a memory with Perdita, and I do remember skipping all but two of them.

But even then, I never felt she had quite as much importance as the writers clearly wanted her to have? Outside of being a motivator for MC to solve Gabbie’s case and allowing MC to connect with Donovan better. Maybe my opinion on this might change after I give it a replay, though.

That being said, I’m actually fine with the story not telling us what really happened to Perdita, as much as I’d have loved a continuation for this book. MC not knowing what happened to Perdita is what motivated them to solve Gabbie’s case, and in that regard, the two cases kind of juxtapose one another. Whereas MC is able to get closure for Gabbie’s case, they don’t do that for Perdita’s case.

That makes the ending a little more nuanced in my opinion. Sometimes, we don’t always get closure for these kinds of things. While I’m still mixed on how well the story integrated Perdita, this message was handled decently and didn’t feel like it was in bad spirit.

So if there were a continuation for this story, I wouldn’t mind it being centered around MC finding Perdita, motivated to work on that case more actively after their success with Gabbie’s case. But rather than having them solve the case, it can mostly center around them struggling between whether they should keep up that search, or leave it as a cold case and move on.

Overall, definitely a higher-tier and very respectable story that definitely deserves a replay.

#choices stories you play #choices #choices game #choices stories we play fandom #choices stories we play #cadybear's reviews #murder at homecoming choices #choices murder at homecoming #murder at homecoming spoilers #mah #choices mah

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powdermelonkeg · 10 months ago

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First drawing of Crowdsourced Durge, aka Daggerroot. It's been AWHILE since I last picked up a tablet in proper, but I think this is a decent drawing to start with (also thank you to @too-many-blorbos for helping me with posing)

Details below the cut:

In-game appearance

Crowd-decided details:

I am romancing Gale

This is a Resisting Dark Urge playthrough

They're a middle-aged, nonbinary, deep gnome Way of Shadows monk

On top of their Durge skills (Intimidation/Medicine), they're also proficient in Insight and Stealth

Chaotic Neutral-Good Alignment: Impulsive, acts in the interest of friends only, can be easily persuaded to do the right thing by said friends, but seldom ever the wrong thing. Doesn't care what friends get up to unless it negatively impacts other friends. Strong sense of wanting to rectify past mistakes, but refuses to be told the "correct" way to do so. Thinks stealing from/killing/spiting evil characters is justified because "they deserved it."

Flaws: Blunt/has no filter, contrary for the sake of being contrary, weirdly prejudiced against elves (due to repressed Ketheric spite)

Good Qualities: Loves animals, unfailingly loyal, good at bartering and haggling

Quirks: Takes a trophy from each memorable kill, incredibly horny, will try anything (potions, strange food, licking the spider, Loviatar's blessing) at least once

Memory Loss Side Effects: Thinks everyone else has the Urge but Durge is just bad at controlling it, doesn't know cannibalism isn't normal, doesn't know what sex is

STR 9/DEX 17/CON 12/INT 10/WIS 12/CHA 15

Imposed rule: Short rest after every fight, and long rest when out of short rests

Additional fun facts:

Their name is Daggerroot. They picked their name as they were combing the beach for supplies, recognized a single sprig of it, and the lore around it came to mind: "Known as 'the executioner's garnish', this herb flourishes in blood-fed soil and has flavoured countless final meals." For some reason, the description brought them amusement. Both "Dagger" and "Root" are acceptable nicknames, though most people tend towards the former.

They're the group medic. This is why they're in charge. Because they have such a good medical knowledge due to struck out Dark Urge memories, they've assumed "surgeon" was their profession before being tadpoled. And, I mean, they're not wrong...

There's something just not-quite-right about them, visually. They LOOK a lot like a deep gnome, and to someone who doesn't know deep gnomes well, they are one. But to deep gnomes, they have a very uncanny valley effect to them.

Their dream guardian is identical to them. This is going to do LEAGUES for their trust in this person, with a fair share of existential crises on top of it. "If you're not what's causing the urges...that means I am. I'll listen to whatever you say, because you're clearly my better half."

Monk class backstory:

They killed their foster family as a young child before Sceleritas found them. Because they were out of control then, and now had the eyes of everyone in the Bhaal temple on them, they adopted monastic tendencies (gifted kid + fear)

That deep-seated fear of loss of control still persists in current form Durge (based on the canon origin monologue: "Injured beyond repair, I know nothing besides this: I must resist the Dark Urge, lest is consume my mind.") and leads to sticking with Monk as their class at the start of BG3

Bonus points, they gained admiration from peers in the temple for killing people bare-handed

#why are they barefoot? because they hate shoes #the guardian reveal is going to GUT them #also this ruleset for behavior is going to be fantastic for storycrafting #it is my sincere hope that i have enough spoons to draw dagger more often. and to improve while doing so #there's a hint to their identity in their outfit; i took a tiny bit of liberties #also i gave them bloody plum dye because default does not vibe thank you very much #vitiligo is hard to draw. i need to get better at it. practice makes perfect #bg3 #crowdsourced durge #daggerroot durge #the dark urge #also screw hands #i think the next thing I'll practice is expressions. both for the expressions themselves and to practice getting their face right #my art #real coffee hours #holy shit it's 4 am

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rjjameshiii · 2 months ago

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RJ's Platinum Collection #21: The Quarry

Achieved on 3/6/2023 at 9:15 PM

Going by the fact that some of my previous Platinum's included Until Dawn, The Dark Pictures games, Detroit: Become Human, etcetera, I think it's no secret I love games where I can make choices that affect the plot. And Supermassive is really good at making horror games of that exact nature. So when The Quarry came out, I was super excited to play it and the Platinum for it!

Also, Brenda Song is in it. Enough said.

You get put in the shoes of nine teenagers - Ryan, Kaitlyn, Dylan, Emma, Abi, Jacob, Nick, Laura, and Max - as they spend one last night at the summer camp they've been working at in the woods. However, things go sideways real fast when the teens realize they're being stalked and hunted by a family of werewolves. So it's up to the player to help them all survive the night and make it out of the Quarry alive, with the assistance of a ghostly medium named Eliza in-between chapters.

I started by going into the game and doing a blind first playthrough. I figured that I had done such a good job with a blind playthrough in House of Ashes, I could probably do it again right? Well, unfortunately, that was not the case. By the time I finished the Epilogue of my first playthrough, I had only managed to keep three of the characters alive (Abi, Nick, and Max). Well, you win some, you lose some. At least I got 20 trophies still.

1/41: What's This? - Collected your first clue.

2/41: Forewarned Is Forearmed - Got a Tarot reading.

3/41: Prologue - Complete the Prologue.

4/41: The Truth Is Out There - Collected your first piece of evidence.

5/41: Chapter 1 - Complete Chapter 1.

6/41: It's All Coming Together - Found a matching clue.

7/41: Chapter 2 - Complete Chapter 2.

8/41: Chapter 3 - Complete Chapter 3.

9/41: Chapter 4 - Complete Chapter 4.

10/41: Chapter 5 - Complete Chapter 5.

11/41: Chapter 6 - Complete Chapter 6.

12/41: Chapter 7 - Complete Chapter 7.

13/41: Chapter 8 - Complete Chapter 8.

14/41: Reactionist - Activated 15 interrupts.

15/41: You're Breathetaking! - Passed five Don't Breath events.

16/41: Phlebotomy - Accepted the bite of a werewolf.

17/41: Mutually Assured - Laura and Travis killed each other.

18/41: Chapter 9 - Complete Chapter 9.

19/41: Chapter 10 - Complete Chapter 10.

20/41: Epilogue - Witnessed the Epilogue.

Onto my second playthrough! This time I used my knowledge of how I failed in the first playthrough, plus a few helpful guides, to make sure that all nine teens stayed alive. I also wanted to get all Tarot cards, all clues, and all evidence on this playthrough, but it turns out that is impossible because of a single path decision in Chapter 2. If you go one way, you find a Tarot card. If you go the other way, you find a Clue. However, you can't get BOTH on one playthrough. That is deeply irritating. I decided to do the Tarot cards, and eventually succeeded in my endeavor for an Everyone Survives playthrough.

21/41: Nick Of Time - Successfully took the fastest route to Nick.

22/41: Above The Law - Travis and Laura agreed to work together.

23/41: Decked Out - Found all Tarot cards.

24/41: The White Wolf - Killed Silas.

25/41: Family Matters - Killed all of the Hacketts.

26/41: Rough Night - Kept everyone alive.

I thought I had gotten all the evidence as well, but it turns out I missed one. However, I then discovered that it doesn't count if you just go to chapter select and pick up what you missed. I ended up having to do a third playthrough just to get the trophy for finding all ten pieces of evidence. Again, deeply irritating.

27/41: Conspiracy Theorist - Collected all evidence.

I then used chapter select to quickly replay Chapter 9 so that Ryan dies in the Hackett house, but Laura is able to kill Travis and escape so that she and Max reunite on the island. It was a cute little scene.

28/41: Should've Gone To The Motel - Reunited Laura and Max.

I then decided to just get a very easy trophy out of the way and start a movie mode playthrough. You don't need to actually finish it - just starting movie mode at all gets you the trophy.

29/41: Creature Feature - Started a movie mode playthrough.

I then started another new playthrough, this time going for making sure all nine characters died. I also went for the trophy for refusing Eliza's help in-between each chapter, since why bother learning the future if I already know everyone is gonna be dead?

30/41: Just A Flesh Wound - Saved a friend from infection.

31/41: Lovers' Quarrel - Nick killed Abi.

32/41: Hard Pass - Refused Eliza's help at every opportunity.

33/41: Hackett's Quarry Massacre - Killed everyone.

I then replayed Chapters 9 and 10 twice to get the trophies for having Kaitlyn be the sole survivor and for having Ryan be the sole survivor.

34/41: The Final Girl - Kaitlyn survived the night alone.

35/41: Last Man Standing - Ryan survived the night alone.

Now it was time for my fifth playthrough, this time going for the trophy for getting all nine characters turned into werewolves. You could do this on an Everybody Lives playthrough, but I just didn't think to do it at the time. Max, Laura, and Nick all get infected no matter what, but the other six require you to make specific choices in order to get them bitten. I also made sure to get all of the clues, and I also got the trophy for never missing in combat encounters as well.

36/41: Bizarre Yet Bonafide - Listened to the podcast.

37/41: Blood Pact - Infected every character.

38/41: Meddling Kids! - Collected all clues.

39/41: Peanut Butter Butterpops! - Never missed in a combat encounter.

Now I just had one more trophy, and it was for Jacob telling Emma the truth about how he sabotaged the car to keep them at camp for one more night. But in order to do that, you need Emma to be infected and then cured, but Jacob can't get infected at all. That did require me to do a partial playthrough of the game, but once I got the scene and unlocked the trophy, the Platinum was mine!

40/41: Nobody's Fool - Jacob told Emma the truth.

41/41: What Doesn't Kill You... - Achieved all the trophies!

I thought The Quarry was a great addition to Supermassive's collection - not as good as Until Dawn, but good in it's own right. However, I once again had to do multiple entire playthroughs of the game to get the Platinum, which I'm not the biggest fan of.

Rating: 8/10

#playstation #playstation trophies #ps5 #ps4 #platinum trophy #trophy hunting #the quarry #laura kearney #max brinly #abi blyg #kaitlyn ka #nick furcillo #jacob custos #emma mountebank #ryan erzahler #dylan lenivy

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retro-rat · 3 months ago

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I finished up the Morrowind shrine on the site. It's a little mid and I might touch it up later, but it does the basic thing I wanted it to do. I'm close to the end of my every-few-years play through of Morrowind and also running Tamriel Reborn. I wanted to finish this up before I got done and lost inspiration. Or I would have to wait another year or 3 and play in a different resolution and mangle the previous parts in the shrine when I take screenshots. Story time under the cut!

I first played Morrowind ages ago. I was just in middle school and mostly played console stuff. I had a few PC RPG's I played like Gothic or Diablo 1. I played Daggerfall for a very tiny bit but could just not break through. Granted, I was like 9 and not a native English speaker. First time was a little rough, I made a Nord Barbarian or something daft and didn't understand the Fatique system. I bounced off but came back a little later when I was done with another FF6 run. I made a Dunmer woman, Irel Ashwalker. I had done a little reading about ashstorms in the game and remembered a Dunmer woman with a similar name in the starting town. Originally I had no clue about the naming conventions in The Elder Scrolls Games. Irel was just a PC at first. Just a Thief/Mage that roams and ultimately became the Nerevar. It was only on later playthroughs where I kinda started forming a story. Irel was abducted at a young age by slavers near her home of Hla Oad but freed later by a passing group of sellswords in the Redoran Velothis region. They did not help her further. She roamed to a neighbouring town close to Omaynia. She stole from a small market and ran over the border to Cyrodill. She found a short-term home in the Cheydinhal region in a small settlement. She found her way to the local Thieves Guild and do a few odd jobs. Spending her money on books about myths and esoteric subjects is where most of her septims went. Irel always had a bit of a magical knack, but didn't really know anything beyond a vaguely remembered incantation to call forth an ancestor. Irel made her last round through the town before leaving. She cleared out the locals Mages Guild and thought herself smart enough to get away. From the pouches filled with stolen items shines bright light all of a sudden! A spell activated by a mage who just noticed his beloved artifacts missing. While throwing out all the light emiting items she was found by a local guard and a mage. A mage with a grin on his face as he collected his items from the ground. in chains, Irel is taken to the dungeons of the local city. Soon she will be delivered back "home".

#me #website #neocities #morrowind

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autisticempathydaemon · 3 months ago

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Hiya!! This is for the Redacted matchups! ^-^

What song are you fixated on at the moment? What lyric or verse, and why?

- I'm on a The Crane Wives kick, listening to "How to Rest" and "Arcturus Beaming" on repeat. It gave me the name of my redacted demon OC actually lol. But How to Rest means a lot to me. I could quote the whole song, but I'll just put:

"Here's the truest thing I've ever know / The heart is just a muscle with a rhythm all its own / It doesn't stop when you decide not to move on / The heart knows nothing of your love or of your loss / So life just keeps on ticking by, compelled by instinct to survive / And love's the only thing worth being alive for"

What is your Enneagram type?

- I had to search a bit to find where to take this but I got Type 9? Sleeping At Last has songs based on each type and I relate to two and nine too much.

Do you love gargantuan Youtube video essays, and if so, which is your favorite and why?

- Oh god, yeah I do! I have so many favorites but I can give an older one and a newer one. Ladyknightthebrave's whole channel has my heart, but her "Dead Doesn't Mean Gone - A Haunting of Bly Manor Video Essay" has been engrained in my memory. The new favorite is Skyehopper's "Why Bastion Lies to You" because I do love that game, and its unreliable narrator. I mostly watch media summaries and analyses, and it's comforting to listen to people talk about the media that touches them.

Tell me about your childhood imaginary friend.

- So... I didn't have one? I felt so weird, like I was supposed to have one, but never did. May be the aphantasia in me, but my imagination hit after I found fanfic and went all in with OCs.

What is your go-to way to fall asleep?

- Video essays and videogame playthroughs! Curl up in blankets and put on an old favorite.

If you had to change your name, what would it be, and why? (In tandem, if you have changed your name, why did you pick that one?)

- Oh, I'm too indecisive for this, but maybe Ari? I like shorter names. I have more issue with my surname than my first name.

What is your favorite of Redacted's audios, and why?

- “Trying to Help Your Moody Vampire Sleep"(Porter) and "Time Is A Song. It's Also Water. He's Half Asleep."(Morgan). Both pairs are going closer in these!! Both set late at night and during the rain help too. After the craziness of the summit, it was so nice to hear Porter so gentle with Treasure. And Morgan being so open about how much he wants to know Seer was just so great~

What Redacted boy holds no appeal to you, and why? Like, not the one you hate but the one who you don't get the hype for.

- So I enjoy Flyboi. I've listened to Flyboi's epilogue multiple times. I have not touched Yandere Ivan's playlist. I don't think I will. I do enjoy the trope sometimes, but this one just isnt for me.

Tell me about that one book/movie/tv show you know all the words to.

- I get down on one knee, and hold up a little box. I open it. It has a slip of paper that says "Will you watch A Haunting of Bly Manor with me?" More seriously, I love what it says about grief, and our own personal ghosts that we carry with us.

Which Redacted boy are you platonically attracted to? Like- forget dating, which dude do you want to be your best friend?

- SO ABOUT MILO GREER— lol, mostly I just want that man to teach me how to dress. I want to watch him play horror games while we freak tf out and his mate laughs. Also Guy! Please gimme free pizza and ramble at me for 30+ minutes.

Do you have a go-to thing you ramble about when you're tired, and if so, what is it?

- That... is currently Redacted for me lol. Or Hades. Mostly though, I enjoy listening to the rambles of my friends, rather than being the one rambling.

Tell me your go-to gas station and drink combo.

- 7-Eleven was mine first, Gavin-- But yeah, Cherry Coke Slurpee, that's it.

Tell me about your favorite playlist at the moment.

- So, the Interactive Novel WIP "Speaker" has a playlist that I have carried onto every platform I listen to music to. Feels like a playlist the characters would be playing on the long roadtrips they take and I come back to it a lot.

What's your guilty pleasure media, and why?

- I'm not too guilty about it, but the Our Life games. They are just wholesome and good, and make me feel warm. Interactive fiction games too. Games that make you create an OC for them!

And whatever else you think tells me about who you are!

- I am a pretty big maladaptive daydreamer, and I deal with a lot of anxiety over being outside. I have gotten a lot better with it, though I can still be hard on myself when I feel like I'm taking steps backwards. I like to doodle, and make lists. I want to get a cat one day. I love horror even if I am a total wimp about it, and one time I hyperfixated on a bad romance series, read all 40+ books of it, and it certainly wasn't fun! But oh man, do I know way too much of how the author mixed up their own characters.

Really curious to what you pick, thank you so much!!

There’s quite a few reasons why I’m choosing the redacted boi I am for you, but I have to admit the most nebulous but altogether vibey of them is that you and Elliott would be hella Crane Wives-coded.

Type Nines tend to be motivated by a desire for peace and harmony, a lack of conflict; another reason I like Elliott for you is because I think he could really get that, given he’s a middle child from a tempestuous home. Then there’s your identifying as a daydreamer with aphantasia. I love the idea of pairing someone who has trouble visualizing things with someone who could visually bring those things to life before your eyes, even if only in dreams. You also seem to love stories and character creation, and Elliott canonically a dreamwalking Dungeons and Dragons nerd; it’s a perfect match.

I’m so jealous, because I can’t imagine anything more fun than being a horror fan with Eli as a partner, even if you’re a wimp. He doesn’t care how many times you’ve both seen The Haunting of Bly Manor; he just cares about spending time with you- maybe getting cozy under a blanket with a cat on top of your laps. You two could watch any fun, horror media, and it’d be okay because he could turn any of your nightmares into good dreams. Maybe he plays the horror games while you watch and doze off, your own personal video game play through sleep-aid. (A chill one, I think, as Elliott strikes me as an unflappable type, at least when it comes to horror.)

Song:

I'll be the moon/ You'll be the sun/ We'll make the day glow/ You'll slowly rise/ And I will fall/ I'll be the sky/ You'll be the ground/ Under the hillside/ We'll slowly wait and watch it all

This was so tough to pin down since the Crane Wives Radio songs were all either tragic or epic in scale /lh I landed on this one because I was looking for neither of those things; I wanted something happy and comfortable and peaceful, which is all Elliott and his Sunshine truly need at this point. Also, the sun and moon imagery is just too perfect.

Runner-ups:

Ollie is a cute runner-up for you not just because I think you’d like the same things, like video games and horror but because he already has a cat that would obviously also become yours when you get together. Lasko is another runner-up for you for the same reasons! I think you’d share a lot of shared interests as well but different ones- namely fiction, OC’s, and horror that you can’t handle.

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

#redactedasmr #redactedverse #redacted asmr #redactedaudio #redacted audio #redacted #busybee matches

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