#i also fell asleep for like??? 10 hours in the middle of the day???

[zero-is-nebulous]

Yippee! Congrats tails!

This is a comission I did for @gareaf ! Tadaaaa

[usodeshou]

Guess who's sick! 😬

[zg0nuwa]

Hey, hope you're fine...and i see that you're another fan for Miguel (we are) can you write the father day with his daughter and the reader as his wife please:(?....(i just hate my daddy issues)

★ best dad ever ! ⎯⎯

i don't think you understand how much power you just gave me with this (i had like half of this written already but tumblr crashed and i was one step away from going into my joker era)

miguel o'hara x wife!reader

warnings ; angsty fluff, i tried experimenting with the spanish but i feel like i failed miserably, lowercase intended, i'm not a spanish speaker so you're free to correct me on the spanish.

miguels work schedule was very unstable. there were times when he would be gone for the whole day and then there were times when he could spend most of the day at home. you understood, for the most part, he had the multiverse on his shoulders no matter how hard you wished for him to have a much less dangerous job. of course not everyone knew why he sometimes had to disappear for long periods of time.

and one of them was your daughter. all she knew was that " daddy does very important things and he has to go but he will always come back ".

this year, fathers day rolled up on a sunday which meant not only your daughter was home but also you. for your husband it was a little more complicated. he woke up in the middle of the night to a notification from lyla about another anomaly going nuts in the wrong universe. you loved the ai but in this particular moment you wanted to explode her with your mind.

" i'll be back before sunset, i promise " with that and a kiss on your forehead he left through the portal in your bedroom.

the next time you woke up that day was because of your daughter. she climbed onto your bed and started to shake you lightly with her small hands.

" mom? where’s daddy? " you opened your eyes to gabi hovering above you with her favorite plush animal pressed close to her chest. she had this disappointed expression on her small face. you knew it was because of miguel being gone. she planned this whole day for him, you even helped her organize everything.

" i’m sorry sweetheart… daddy had to go to work. " you pulled her in so her head was under your chin. she clung to you like a small koala bear as you played with her thick brown hair. definitely his genes.

" but, he promised he'll be back before your bedtime sooo, we can still make something special. what do you say about that? "

after a small argument about who gets the cooking part of preparations, which obviously ended with you being responsible for it, you and gabi got to work. as you were looking through your old mexican cuisine recipe book [ that you definitely didn’t bought only for miguel to feel more at home during meals ] you saw your dughter holding a box of artsy stuff.

" cariño, ¿qué estás haciendo allí? "

" making daddy a poster! it's going to say 'el mejor papa de todos'! " you couldn't help the big smile from appearing on your face. you knew how much time miguel put into teaching gabi spanish and it always warmed your heart when they sat down at the dining table and simply talked in spanish, your husband making little corrections in pronounciation or grammar from time to time. but no matter what he always looked as if he had hearts in his eyes.

★

you knew miguels work schedule was unstable and sometimes took him out of the house for a whole day, and you understood. but gabi not so much. so here you are, 10:48 pm on the clock and no sign of your husband. you spent the past two hours comforting her and promising her that it wasn't miguels fault and that he loved her. finally at around 11 pm she fell asleep in her bed. you turned off the cat shaped nightlamp and as quietly as possible closed the door to her room.

with a heavy sigh you went back to the kitchen to start cleaning everything up. while puting away food into the fridge you heard a specific glitching sound and you already knew who showed up home.

" you're late. " you weren't really mad at him , it was just tiring sometimes.

" i know, i'm sorry love... it's just - things got a little out of control. " you didn’t look at him and his first thought was to come behind you and hug your waist hoping it would make you feel even a little bit better. “ was there something that i forgot about today? is that why you’re angry? “

" i’m not angry, but your daughter is. she planned the whole fathers day for you. "

" ay, coño… " he sounded defeated, tired, and disappointed in himself. you pulled yourself away from him and came up to the poster gabi made, its was rolled in a tube to not spoil anything before the big reveal. you handed it to miguel with a tiny smile on your face. he was a bit confused for a second but he got the memo and rolled out the paper to it’s full extent. you could see the tears forming on his waterline as he chuckled. probably because of the spelling mistake made by gabi that you didn’t have the heart to point out.

" me and gabi made a deal for you, you have take us to the zoo tomorrow, and she demands that you let her piggyback the entire time to repay for your sins. "

" i guess there’s no other option. " he said with a smile.

cariño, ¿qué estás haciendo allí? - honey, what are you doing there?

el mejor papa de todos - the greatest dad ever

ay, coño - oh, fuck

[like-a-diamondinthesky]

pink salts | l.f

pairing... bf!felix x gn!reader tags... hurt/comfort, fluff, established relationship, lix is very tired cw... nudity

your skin was tinted a faint red—nearly pink, similar to his own. felix wasn’t sure if it was from the heat of the bath water, or from your favorite pink bath salts. he didn’t ponder on it for too long, though, as you pulled him under the covers and the two of you fell asleep, cozy in each other’s company

wc... 1.1k words a/n... hi hellooo! i got this ask in my inbox and i HAD to write this immediately!!! i'm not the biggest fan of bubble baths, but i do LOVE colored bath salts hehe. i hope you enjoy this little product of my delusions BAHAHAHA (also, my taglist is open so if you'd like to be added just lmk!)

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

"Hello?” You groggily mumbled into your phone, rubbing your eyes. It was eleven in the evening and you had fallen asleep on the couch while waiting for your boyfriend to come home.

"Hi, angel. Sorry, did I wake you up?" Though he sounded tired, Felix's voice was soft and soothing, even over the call.

“Mhm, but it's fine." You sat up straight, running your fingers through your hair. "Are you on your way home?"

"Yeah, l am. I'll be there in around 10 minutes. Just wanted to call and let you know."

"Have you eaten already? I can heat some food up if you want.”

“No, it’s alright. I ate dinner with the boys earlier.”

“Okay, baby. Drive safe, I love you."

"I love you, too." Felix sighed and ended the call.

You knew your boyfriend was exhausted. For the past weeks, his schedule had been filled with practice after practice, show after show, and recording after recording. On top of all that, he managed to come back home and stay with you every week, no matter how tired or how busy he was.

You wanted to let him know that all of his effort was seen and appreciated. You stood up, walked to the fridge, and pulled out the container of chocolate chip cookies you had made for him earlier in the week. You left them on the counter to warm up, now heading towards the bathroom.

You turned on the tap, filling the bathtub with warm water. Today was a practice day, and you’re sure Felix’s muscles would be sore from hours of dancing. You sat back on the sink, patiently waiting for the tub to fill. Switching off the faucet, you grabbed your favorite bath salts and sprinkled a scoop into the water, tinting the water a faint pink.

Right as you left the bathroom, the front door opened, and in walked Felix, bag slung over his slouched shoulder. When his tired eyes met yours, they lit up and crinkled as a soft smile plastered itself on his face. He slid his bag off his shoulder onto the floor and opened his arms as you walked to him, silently calling you in for a hug.

Your bodies collided with a soft thud, causing you both to stumble. You laughed, bringing your arms tightly around Felix's back. He held you close to him, arms wrapped around your shoulders. He rested his head on your shoulder, pressing soft kisses to your skin. "I missed you, angel."

"I missed you too, my love." You brought your hands up to his hair, combing through the soft strands. "Your hair has grown longer. I like it, it suits you."

Felix’s smile grew against your neck. "Thanks, baby."

The two of you stood in the middle of your living room for a minute, absorbed into the hug. You found yourself rubbing his back, causing him to lean into your embrace even more.

“Oh, Lixie, I drew you a bath. You can head on over to the bathroom, I’ll follow you in a bit.” You gave one last rub on his back, pulled away, and walked to the kitchen. “I’ll just get some snacks real quick.”

Felix went to the bathroom while you plated a few cookies. You microwaved them for ten seconds, not wanting them to get too hot, and brought the cookies to the bathroom.

When you entered the bathroom, Felix had already sat inside the tub, eyes closed and back against the wall. Though all of his clothes were discarded in a neat pile on the floor, he was still wearing his glasses which were on the tip of his nose, nearly falling off his face. You set the plate down on the counter by the sink and leaned down to remove his glasses. “You forgot to take your glasses off, silly.”

“Had a long day, my bad.” Felix smiled, sliding further down into the tub.

You lit a couple of candles, one vanilla-scented, and the other coffee-scented, and switched off the bathroom lights. You picked up a cookie off the plate and offered it to your boyfriend. “Cookie? I warmed it up for you.”

“Yes, please!” Felix, keeping his eyes closed, opened his mouth and you fed him the cookie with a slight chuckle. Mouth full, he murmured a soft, “Mmm, thanks, baby.”

As he ate the cookie, you sat down on the edge of the tub, reached over him to get your shampoo, poured some onto your hand, and lathered it into your boyfriend's hair. He leaned into the massage, moaning softly at your touch. You grabbed the shower head and rinsed Felix’s hair, making sure not to get any soap in his eyes.

“Why don’t you join me, Y/n?” Felix asked, finally opening his eyes to meet yours.

“Huh, I didn’t think of it,” you blinked at him. “I already showered earlier, I guess it didn’t occur to get in with you.”

Grinning, he motioned for you to join him. “Well, come on. I don’t want to get all pruney by himself.”

“I suppose I could.” You placed your pointer finger on your chin, as if in thought. Felix whined, making you heartily laugh. “Oh, alright. It’s not like I can say no to you anyway.”

You removed your clothes, tossing them on the floor right on top of your boyfriend’s. Felix shuffled forward, making space for you inside the tub. You got in and sat yourself behind him, leaning against the wall. The water was very warm, hot enough that you felt your joints relax, but cool enough that your skin wasn’t stinging. You laid your head on top of his as his back was pressed against your bare chest while he rested in between your legs. You stroked your hand up and down his thigh, a simple affection that made Felix feel swarms of butterflies flutter inside his stomach.

“I love you, my angel.” Felix reached back and grabbed your free hand, lacing your fingers together. He stroked the back of your hand with his thumb, then pressed a gentle kiss onto your wrist. “Thank you for taking care of me.”

“It’s no problem, Lix,” You whispered against his damp hair. “I’ll always take care of you, even when we’re all wrinkly and old”

“I mean, if you think about it, we’re already wrinkly from all the water.” The two of you giggled.

For the next hour, you talked about everything on your mind, turning your shared bath into a little heart-to-heart. Later, when you rose from the tub and dried off, Felix noticed that your skin was tinted a faint red—nearly pink, similar to his own. He wasn’t sure if it was from the heat of the bath water or from your favorite pink bath salts. Maybe both? He didn’t ponder on it for too long, though. He soon forgot about the matter when you dragged him to bed, pulled him under the covers, and enveloped him in a big, cozy hug that eventually lulled you both to sleep.

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

comments, reblogs, and feedback are appreciated! © like-a-diamondinthesky 2023

[damiansgoodgirll]

rhea driving and reader falling asleep on damian please

I LOVE THIS REQUEST

damian priest x reader

sweet dreams (are made of this)

it was raining outside and even if it was recommended to stay at home and to do not drive in that weather you and the rest of the judgment day had a show to do and a city that was waiting for you.

finn was the only one smart enough as he left the day before, knowing that there was a storm coming in and when he offered to drive you all declined it saying that you would be leaving the day before the match as it was only a few cities away.

worst idea ever.

rhea loved driving but not in that kind of weather.

dom was in passenger seat giving rhea directions but with that kind of weather it was pretty hard to see the road.

thankfully it was only 10 in the morning even if it felt like it was 10 p.m. due to how dark and scary the sky looked.

“guys…there’s a starbucks a few miles away, i think we should go and wait for this storm to stop” rhea suggested and you all agreed with her.

damian was sitting in the backseat with you and he felt how anxious you were getting. you loved rainy days but driving in this weather? absolutely no.

and he knew that too.

so once you stopped at starbucks you spent there a good three hours waiting for the weather to change. it never stopped raining and the sky was still grey but thankfully it wasn’t thundering anymore so you could continue your voyage.

the car ride was longer than you all imagined. it was only four hours but those four hours became almost seven and it was already night when you started to feel tired.

you tried to stay awake as long as possible, chatting with dom and damian while rhea was singing some of her rock songs. at one point she even let you change music just to keep you awake but nothing was working anymore.

the dark sky and the rain outside were like a lullaby to you and before you knew you fell asleep.

on damian’s shoulder.

he smiled when he saw how close to his body you were and he even took the blanket off of dominik just to lay it over your body.

“what the hell?” he almost shouted but received a deadly look from damian.

“don’t scream…she’s sleeping” damian whispered and rhea smirked at him.

“you have a soft spot for her damian…everyone knows…” she said smiling.

“what?”

“he’s in love with her mami” dom teased damian and even if he wanted to punch him in the face there was no way he was going to deny it. he was in love with you and he had a soft spot for you.

he loved how close you two got and he wouldn’t change it.

“he’s not denying it…” rhea said.

“i’m not…cause it’s true” he confessed, hearing the fake gasps from dom and rhea.

“you should tell her…i mean the way she’s clinging to you makes me think she might have a crush for you too” dom said.

but damian was reluctant about it.

there was a chance you would love him back and there was a chance you would hate him forever and he didn’t want to risk it all.

“and i also think we should switch rooms…dom you’re staying with me, damian you’re staying with her…that’s a perfect way to bond together, better” rhea winked at damian.

he was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t even notice the way his arm was holding you closer to his body and how his fingers were massaging your hair. it felt natural to him and he wished it could be like that forever.

“i’ll see what to do when we get there…” he whispered, wanting to quit the chatting just to live off the moment of having you so close.

hoping that nothing would change once he confess.

little did he know that you woke up in the middle of their conversation and that you heard every single word.

[withlove-amber]

Brighter Than the Stars

gibbs x reader

“What’s your perfect way to decompress after work?” Abby asked (Y/N), the youngest member of the team. (Y/N) wasn’t sure how to answer the question. Should she say what she was really thinking? Or maybe something else, out of fear of being judged. But, when (Y/N) joined the team, she quickly realized that Abby doesn’t judge anyone, so she had nothing to fear. With that, she responded with her true answer, “It would have to be stargazing.” “Stargazing, that’s so cool!”, the forensic scientist responded. “Thanks! I know it’s not really an ‘adult’ thing to do, but for me, there’s nothing I like more after work than laying back and watching the stars shine.” “That was the most perfect answer ever, I was just going to say bowling.” Little did they both know, Gibbs was outside Abby’s lab overhearing the whole conversation.

The day went on, the team said their goodnights, and went their separate ways for the night. Right before (Y/N) could unlock her car, Gibbs stopped her and asked, “Do you wanna do somethin’ with me tonight?” “Sure. What do you have in mind?”, the young agent replied. “It’s a surprise, but don’t worry, you’ll love it.” She thought for sure she would be helping work on the boat in his basement (not that he needs help). But when he parked his truck in an old field, she started to wonder if he overheard her conversation with Abby earlier. Her suspicions were confirmed when he said, “Bring the blanket.” 

He opened the door for her, and during the short walk to the bed of his truck, he asked her, “Do you have a favorite star?” “Not really, to be honest, I love them all. Being able to admire the stars just fills me with so much peace.” “How?”, he asked the young agent whom he was starting to fall for. “There’s just something about looking up at the sky and seeing how radiantly they shine.” she replied, unknowingly smiling almost as bright as the stars hundreds of light years away. After he made his way onto the truck bed, he helped her up by gently taking her hand and holding her waist. She’d be lying if she said it didn’t give her butterflies. 

He made a motion for her to lie down, as he did the same. He threw a large blanket on top of them both, and their surroundings felt 10° warmer. They spent the first few minutes lying underneath the starlight in complete silence, just being. He was the first to break the silence, saying, “I remember as a kid staying up for hours in the summertime just to watch the stars. I’d go to bed when the sun’d come up and pretend like I’d been in bed the whole night.” They spent the next several hours talking about fond childhood memories, childhood pets, anything, and everything. He taught her which stars were which, how to navigate the stars, trying to ignore the warm feeling he felt every single time she smiled. She had also tried to ignore the warm feeling she felt every single time he smiled, or any time he had talked about his childhood so fondly. 

After the conversation had started to die down, she let out a yawn, neither of them realizing it was now the middle of the night. In a moment of bravery, she gently laid her head down on his shoulder, claiming him as her pillow for the night. When he didn’t move, she knew she was safe. She always feels safe when she’s with Gibbs. And he always feels safe when he’s with her. “Goodnight (Y/N).” “Goodnight Jethro.” In that moment, he realized not only does he really like it when she uses his name and not just “boss” or “Gibbs”, but he also realized she seemed to fit perfectly in his arms. He spent the next several moments breathing in her scent, which consisted of her perfume and the soft vanilla and lavender from her shampoo. He finally fell asleep holding her close, after kissing her forehead.

They woke up the next morning, as the sun rose over the very same field that was host to countless stars the night before. Then they spent the next several minutes observing each other’s features. She observing every freckle on his face, how his eyes seemed to be much brighter and appear much more blue than they’d ever been, how the soft sunlight made his hair appear brighter and if she looked hard enough, his silver strands of hair seemed to softly glow in the morning sun. He observing how the sun was making her hair appear brighter and softer than it’s ever looked before, how her natural freckles were illuminated by the sun’s soft rays, how plush and smooth her lips look. Being in each other’s cozy embrace made them both think, “I could stay here forever and never want to leave.”

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

This is a personal post about boarding school experience and its later effects in life. It will be under keep reading so anyone can scroll over it if they don't want to read it. It's mostly for me and the need to express the thoughts I've been having and I need an outlet for that.

I've been reading once again about boarding school syndrome all day since this morning. I don't know why I do this to myself. Why I feel the need to go back to all that as if to check if all the damage is still there. Or like a way to pity myself and then to hate it for feeling sorry for myself once again. It's a cycle. I must have remembered something last night before falling asleep because I found myself today at 10 am reading a research paper on it and then looking up testimonials in reddit.

But the thing is, most of the research is done on English boarding schools and as much as the overall experience is similar, there are so many nuances in the differences that exist.

I vividly remember looking out the window and watching my parents get in the car and leave. It was Sunday evening and they had the car parked on a smaller street in downtown where I was left to stay. The next day was the first day of school and I was 11, starting 5th grade.

I read that in cases of children going to boarding school, a lot of them remember in detail the moment the separation took place. And it's true even if it's been almost 20 years since then. That's when my stomach issues began. Of course the cause was emotional stress, but that didn't stop from going to medical clinics weekly to do full check ups when any adult should have realized that I was just homesick. The year after, I began to feel nausea each Monday morning. I used to beg my parents to postpone my return as much as possible so I would only leave home on Monday and arrive an hour before classes would start. For five years I went to school in the afternoon. The nausea became a constant. I would complain on that day, hoping my mother would tell me that I don't have to go to school. But I couldn't understand at that time that my mother was emotionally unavailable and had no idea how to deal with her daughter's real needs.

But I kept going and as years went by, I got used to it and it felt easier by the time I finished high school. When I was already in college, I had forgotten half of my experience and I would gloss over what happened. I would act proud of how fast I had become independent, without needing any help, as if that was a good thing.

Of course that at some point I slowly started to realize that not everything went that well, but either way, that perhaps it was worth the sacrifice if I manage to do something well professionally. Eight years of boarding school meant sacrifices and financial investment. For me to go to the most prestigious middle school (I had to take an English exam for 5th grade, that was unheard of at that time in any other school!), then to the most prestigious high school to receive the best grades which would help to get into the most prestigious university so I can study exactly what I want because by then I found my passion. And I was encouraged. So I worked for it for more than a decade because all the pain had to have been worth it. Yes, parts of life sucks, but perhaps a uni position while I teach and research would compensate for it. But it never did and that entire plan fell to pieces because life doesn't work how I wanted to.

So was all that worth it in the end? Absolutely not.

For years I would think and say that I never suffered bullying in school because my colleagues were nice and for the most part, I had nice experiences. And that's still true. While at the same time forgetting that I also had that other life in boarding school where 17-18 year girls found abuse a form of entertainment.

Bullying is such a common occurence but it gets worse in boarding school because you can't get to any space that feels safe. You can't get home to your own room and to your own parents who might notice something and intervene. In boarding school you have to sleep in the same room and next to the same bed as your abusers. You take showers next to them, hoping that nothing happens. It's living in constant fear.

All my emotional mechanisms have developed during those years, especially between the ages of 11-13. I quickly learned to avoid any type of conflict because that would mess up whatever aparent peace that existed from time to time. I learned that speaking up and telling the adults responsible meant that I was in more danger.

As adults, those who went through the boarding school experience have trouble maintaining relationships. We become self sufficient because we had to. There was no help so we learned to take care of ourselves. Consequently, we don't need other people, especially if we know they will eventually abandon us. Of course attempts are made because it's in our nature. I've lost friendships because rather than making myself heard and to be an active participant in a relationship, I distanced myself. It's easier than to speak because there's a risk that the other person would certainly decide to break the friendship. Avoid conflict at all costs, even it rots everything from the inside. I'm still actively doing this.

When I told my therapist about these experiences (which I don't think I'll talk about in detail here), she used the word trauma. To this day, I have a hard time accepting it. Because deep down I still don't believe that my experience was that bad to be labeled that way. It's not real trauma if nothing really actually "bad" happens.

It's only bad enough that it infiltrated and influenced all aspects of my entire life. From personal relationships to professional. The latter I used to think it was independent and untouchable of all the things I had going on personally. But of course to realize as an adult that the need for perfection, the impostor syndrome, all are a result of never feeling good enough which stems from the initial abandonment.

I find it hard to accept that some decisions taken 20 years ago without me having any real say in it (I was asked and I said yes because my parents know best) and the consequent experiences that I had to go through have negatively influenced my entire life. For many years I never looked at aspects of my life, thinking that something is not well and should be investigated. I was busy in my 20s with other thoughts without realizing the root cause of why I was doing some things. But by the time that decade was over, it's like everything is crashing down. Piece by piece. Every single aspect of my life had been fucked by that thing my therapist calls trauma.

[not-alien-girl-v]

hey babes!! ur works is just 🤤. george is so hot could you please write a valentines day thing with him 🙏

warning: language, TW matty healy

note: they/them pronouns for Y/N and this is almost angsty but still fluffy also Matty is like bitchy but is still Y/N’s bestie idk they’re frenemies cuz that happened in a dream once. might continue writing more george stuff cuz i rly like it.

Complete silence is swallowing them whole, alongside a few other sounds keeping them company in the early hours of the morning.

There is an open window somewhere on the spacious tour bus, and the winged creatures singing in the outside world inform Y/N that the daylight has come to greet them all once again this morning. Though they wish the birds would just shut the fuck up, honestly.

They are loud, cawing and chirping and essentially screaming as if it isn't 7 am in the fucking morning and Y/N doesn't have a pounding headache. Last night was a bit wild for the gang, once the post-show drinks started making their way through the already mildly intoxicated band members, it was clear that none would have any memory of the rest of the evening.

And despite all the drunken tomfoolery, Y/N had not consumed a single ounce of alcohol. Not a drop. Yet their head throbbed as if they had. Being the designated driver, the designated sober friend takes it's toll on a person, especially when your entire group is filled with professional dumbasses, it's like they've been trained in all the ways to be annoying while drunk. Having to deal with all of them until 3 in the morning mixed with the lack of sleep and water Y/N is currently experiencing make the perfect recipe for a vile headache.

George had no problem with sleep last night, fortunate for him. He got the most shitfaced, and coincidentally, was the most irritating amongst the hoard of drunks, with his need to cling to Y/N like a lost puppy, stroking their hair, placing sloppy wet kisses all over their face when all Y/N wanted was to get them all safely in the car. At least as a drunk, George was clingy and lovey rather than mean and aggressive.

They had no idea what happened to the rest of the boys once they all retired for the night, as once Y/N succeeded in getting everyone safely in the bus, they allowed them all to fuck off for the night, with the exception of George who would not settle down enough to go to bed unless Y/N committed to a 5 minute cuddle in his bunk. Soon enough, a 5 minute cuddle turned to 10 minutes, which turned to an hour, and Y/N fell asleep before they could continue counting the hours G’s arm wrapped tightly over them prevented their escape.

So here they are, same position they fell asleep in with George's arm securing them to the bunk like they might slip away at any moment. They keep their gaze on him, his hair sticking flat to his forehead from hours of being pressed into a pillow. They consider reaching out, tenderly brushing some away from his sleeping face but decide not to, not wanting to disturb his peaceful slumber.

With a sigh, they pull out their phone, and like they suspected, it's 7:18 am, February 14. February 14... shit. It's Valentine's day. It's Valentine's day and George probably has something super fucking romantic planned as a surprise and Y/N has nothing. They gently peel his arm off of their middle and slip out of the bunk.

With the stress of the situation, they decide to trifle through G's jacket pockets, hoping to find his pack of cigs Y/N has come to know that he always keeps with him. When they're met with an empty container, a plan devises in their head.

Cigarette's can be a great gift, right? They're quick to find their shoes and lace them up, putting on George's jacket as an afterthought to conceal them from the frigid San Francisco morning air, seeing as it's still winter.

Before their hand touches the door, however, a voice speaks up from a figure on the couch that somehow Y/N hadn't noticed in their hurry.

"Where are you off to?" It's Matty, of course it is, because Y/N can't do anything without the mild tease and torment from that man.

"Drugstore."

"I'll tag along."

"I didn't ask you to."

"You don't have to. 'S the beauty of friendship, isn't it?"

A tired scowl appears on their face but Matty is already behind them, so fortunately, he misses it.

In their stress, Y/N kept quiet during the walk, resulting in a lack of snide commentary from Matty which they were secretly very grateful for, though they’d never admit it out loud.

They walk side by side into the automatic sliding doors of the drugstore and the immediate warmth of the interior of the building grasps their features. They make a beeline for the candy aisle, and an intrigued Matty follows closely behind.

“Oh fuck, it’s Valentine’s Day, isn’t it?” Matty comments like it was a necessary observation, not a glaringly obvious and rather stupid and oblivious thing to say at such a moment. Maybe Y/N needed breakfast, hanger is not a good look on them.

They hum in response. “He’s been talking about his plans for months. He even- actually, I shouldn’t be telling you. Surprise, or something like that. But it’s romantic as shit.” Matty paces the aisle, not paying attention to the icky stress sweat appearing on the other person occupying the aisle. Does this guy not know how to shut his mouth?

“He’ll like this, right?” Their hand grabs a heart shaped box of chocolates, assorted flavors. Matty gives them a look. “What? What’s with that face?”

“What face? This is just my face, can’t blame me for having a face.”

“No, you were making a face at me. What is it? Will he not like it?”

Matty’s eyebrows raise childishly and Y/N wishes they could slap them clean off, watch them inch away like lowly caterpillars on the ground below.

“It’s just, I don’t know, he’s more of a fruity candy kind of guy. Doesn’t fancy chocolate all that much,” they could see in his eyes he strained so hard to refrain from making a pun about his own song, but by some power above, he didn’t.

“Okay, okay. I’ll do… some Red Vines. He likes those, right?” Grabbing a pack of red candy, it is waved in front of Matty’s face.

“Do you even need to ask me that?”

“I don’t even know why he loves these things so much. This is like old person candy. He’s only twenty…” They trail off.

“Three?”

“Right, twenty-three. I knew that.” Y/N makes their exit from the candy aisle, grabbing a few cans of tea from the drink section.

“You should get a snack for yourself. You seem a little out of it this morning.”

“Only because you and your bitchass friends got drunk as skunks last night and I had to round you all up,” they huff and turn to face him, meeting his now rolling eyes.

“Fine. I’ll pay for your snack. Will that fix this?”

“Certainly won’t hurt!” They smile and pace to the front of the store, hoping they don’t forget the cigarettes, the sole purpose they went to the store for. That would be just like them, forgetting like that.

⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

The click of an opening tour bus door alerts George, who was scrolling through his phone on the couch. He woke up easily, however, wondering where his lover had gone so early. He sleeps like the dead, so whenever they slip out during the rare nights they get to sleep in the same bed, he hardly is disturbed by it in his peaceful slumber.

Sometimes he swears they always leave his bed before he wakes up to avoid his compressing cuddles in the morning. He can’t help it, he’s a sucker for being all over the ones he loves.

Matty is the first to walk in, and George almost goes back to looking at his phone in sheer disappointment until Y/N walks in. Suddenly, a lazy smile makes itself known on his sleepy face and his mood is elevated.

“Hey darling, where were you?” He queries as Matty busies himself with a laptop at the back of the bus.

His voice is extra deep in the morning, it’s always deep, but something about hearing it in the morning is something so personal and special to them. It’s like a promise to more days like this, spent in the knowledge of their lover, the knowledge that George exists and is in love with them.

“Stopped by the store for some things,” they plop down onto the cushion next to the one George is taking residency on, placing the plastic bag between them to dig through it.

“Is that my jacket?”

“You want it back?”

He grins, trying not to show how lovestruck he is and seriously failing. “No, no, keep it, if you’re cold. Looks better on you.”

“Oh, you old charmer,” they giggle, chucking the Red Vines into his lap, followed by the cigarettes, then gently placing down the can of tea at his side as to not injure him with the 24 ounces.

“All of this for me?” George places a dramatic hand over his heart while his lover digs into the snack Matty bought for them. “Aren’t I the luckiest girl in the world.”

The two spend a few moments in a famished haze, pile-driving the snacks in their grasps but once he slows down with his red candy, he sneaks a few looks at the person beside them.

The person who, even lost in thought, looked more beautiful than ever, who George had the privilege of sleeping next to when he sweet talked them enough, who George prayed he could sleep next to every night for the rest of his life, if they’d have him.

He tosses the empty bag separating him and his love onto the ground and scoots closer to them. Ignoring the odd stare he is given at the invasion of personal space, he wraps his arms around them and pushes them back into a laying position, propped up by the arm of the couch.

“What are you doing?” They ask with a small smile.

Voice muffled, face buried in their chest, “loving you.”

“You could have just said thank you for the candy. Don’t have to do all this to show your appreciation.”

“Maybe I just enjoying doing this, being close to you. Ever thought about that, numbskull?”

Their hand brushes up and down his built back, slow and gentle, like coaxing a baby to sleep and not a full grown man. “Watch your language, mister.”

He picks his head up to face them, chin resting on their sternum. “Happy Valentine’s Day, my love.”

Trying to make light of the furious blush creeping onto their cheeks, “do you ever keep count of all the names you call me in a day. Like affectionate or not. So far you’ve got ‘darling’ and ‘numbskull’, ‘my love.’”

“Well, somebody’s gotta be the sweet one in this relationship. Most of the time, you act like you don’t even like me.”

“I do not.”

“He’s got a point!” A mumbly British voice from the back of the bus.

“Butt out!” Y/N scolds, turning attention back to the man who’s made his place on top of them, settling enough to rest his full body weight. This is the typical type of cuddle to be expected from George. There’s not many other ways he knows to cuddle.

“I do too like you, what are you talking about?”

“It’s okay, I get it, you show your love and affection in your own special way, and I love that about you, but I’ve gotta say, sometimes people who don’t know us think we’re just friends.”

“Look, it’s not like I can be all over you all the time, it’s impractical.”

“I know, love, that’s why I use pet names, it’s the easiest way I know to show my love for you. Especially since you won’t let me buy you things even though I constantly offer.”

“Ok, I’ll let you buy me things.”

“That’s not the point, baby. The point is, I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Their words seem to turn him to absolute mush. It’s something Y/N has always had a hard time speaking out loud to him, every time the three words make it out, they’re incredibly special to George.

“Thanks. For saying that, I mean. Thank you. I mean it.”

“Anytime.”

“Can I add to the relationship contract that you have to say that to me at least once a day? Can I do that?” George seems half joking but they don’t care.

“If that’s what you want, babe.”

“Good. Cuz I do want that. And I’m taking you out to dinner tonight. We leave at 6. Dress nice. And I’m paying, because you said I could.”

They nod their head at his demands, waiting for him to drop his head back onto their chest before circling both arms fully around his back, giving him a tight squeeze before holding him gently.

[pbandjesse]

We are on our way home. Only about an hour away now. It has been a long day. I am feeling better now but I was very very tired this afternoon and got upset because of it. I tried to not be upset but I was just really tired.

We got back to our room last night and after showers we went to sleep. It started raining in the middle of the night and the rain on the skylights woke me up. But I was mostly worried that the party hadn't remembered to bring everything inside. And I would be mostly correct. A bunch of Gabe and Hannah's dad's instruments for left outside. And will hopefully be fine but stressful.

When we woke up I didn't want to get out of bed yet. I knew we would be having bagels at Gabe and Hannah's around 10. And it was barely 815. And we needed to be out of the Airbnb by 10. So I stayed in bed for a bit but pretty quickly got up.

I got dressed. James finished packing. We didn't have much stuff, we are very efficient packers. Which is always interesting to see against other people's large suitcases for the same amount of time. Like it doesn't matter at all, but it is a little bit of a point of pride to pack the exactly right amount of stuff.

We walked over to the house. I felt really cute. Me and James had matching red sweatshirts on. Different sweatshirts but both red so we kept saying "red sweatshirt gang" and being silly.

We got over to the house and went to the backyard. James would help Hannah fold chairs. I was kind of cold. We were all hanging out for a bit. But soon got to go inside and check out Hannah and Gabe's apartment on the second floor. It was really cute. I was jealous of their floor to ceiling corner cabinet in the kitchen. And I got to pet one of their cats. The other ones (there are 4 total) are scary cats so we never put eyes on them.

Slowly other family came through. There were bagels and coffee and juice. I discovered I am soiled by Philly cream cheese because this cream cheese sucked. It tastes like nothing. I ate half of my bagel and had some juice. Everyone kept trying to offer me a seat but I wanted to stand, I knew we were going to be in the car for about 7 hours! I wanted to stand for as much as I could.

James continued to impress. Getting the food set out and organized. And then helping Ian's girlfriend, by translating for her (she is learning English but is mostly Spanish speaking) and everyone was visibly impressed.

We would be there until around 11. Hugs all around and then we were on the road. James would take us to a brewery that their friend recommended we get brunch at before we left. So that is what we did.

And I liked it. James got hummus and pita. I got eggs Benedict with tomato's instead of ham (which the waiter suggested and it was a good idea). I also got a Shirley Temple but it was a little to sweet. Still nice though.

While I enjoyed the food, I was really tired.

We wouldn't be in the car long before we stopped for gas. Except we forgot to get gas? We went inside to use the bathroom and then left. Oops. James was really mad at themselves but it was fine. We just stopped at the next one.

When we got back on the road I got as comfortable as I could and fell asleep.

I would sleep, fitfully, for most of the first half of the drive. My back hurt so I was struggling to be comfortable but the stuffed animal pillow I had in the car did help. But the podcast James was listening to kept startling me. People laughing loudly or whatever.

When I woke up for good it was around 3. We were stuck in a little traffic and James said that when we got to the other side of the traffic we should pull off to get a late lunch. Because I had been sleeping I was like. I just ate. But it was good we stopped.

We got five guys. They have a party melt now so James got that. And the food was good but I was feeling kind of stressed inside and that made my stomach hurt. I was trying to not be upset about it. I talked to James about it and they tried to be supportive but it's hard. I am almost thinking I'm sad because we are going home and I won't be with James 24 hours of the day. I think I get a little sad when we have to go back to regular life because there are distractions from each other.

We made a quick Wawa stop to get James a coffee and I got some candy and the drive since then has been nice. I worked on my temperature blanket and finished that not long ago. And now we are almost home! The sun is setting and I am very ready to see Sweetp and Crabcake. And our house. And the tomorrow we have the day off. So I am hoping for a restful day at home. Maybe slightly productive. But mostly I am just looking forward to being home.

I hope you all have a great night. I love you all. Goodnight!!

[thearcher1003]

1, 5, 21, 22, 25, 26, 30, 36, 39 and 42 for asks - sorry if this is a lot I'm just very curious!

Nono it's not a lot, I actually like doing it so thank you for these questions :) 1. Do you have freckles?  No > < 5. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? No, I sleep with my baby sister instead ◠‿◠ 21. How was your day today? It was good. I watched Luca with my cousin, it's one of my favourite movies ^^ 22. How much sleep did you get last night? 6 hours (I went to bed around 10 but I fell asleep after 11 and woke up around 5) 25. What's your favourite decade? I never thought about it but if I do I think the two decades I have lived in have had some good years in them (not necessarily for me in certain terms) but then again I can say that about every decade. There have been good things and some horrible ones but who is to say how it would have been for me personally had I lived in those decades instead. Well it's nice to think about the romanticized versions of them but I cannot ignore the practicality. Uh Idk I think I am ruining this question with my lack of knowledge so lets move on to the next one. (Maybe this is something I will think about while trying to fall asleep tonight) 26. What are some seemingly childish things you like? I like watching animated movies. They are usually considered for kids but a lot of them are actually so good. Nimona, Luca, Encanto, these are some of my favourite animated movies and they have some beautiful stories to tell. 30. What are you looking forward to in the near future? Passing an exam I have in September. Also, waiting for CUET result so I can go to some good college and get out of my house asap. 36. Do you like your middle name? I don't have a middle name 😁 39. Do you stay up late? At times, yes. Recently, no. 42. Tag 5 of your favourite blogs @thebeatenandthedamned @stripedwolf88 @daisiesamethyst @hoktom @missy832001

[the-algebra-thing]

I have been keeping my schedule at least a little bit normal for the past few months like waking up before 11 and going to bed before 3. just because I know it's gonna have to be normal eventually and I thought maybe if I get better at this middle ground I can ease myself into it. long as fuck post about how it works when I sleep ahead because I'm pissed off about it fair warning.

now fun fact it takes me at least half an hour to wake up. I cannot even drag myself out of bed till I've snoozed my alarm for at least 10 minutes and then once I've woken up to that laid in bed psyching myself up for 10-20 minutes. I need at least 8 hours and it takes so much to drag my ass out of sleep. waking up feeling "well rested* might as well be a myth; I don't really wake up without being overwhelmed with how my body wants to go back to sleep. the earlier I wake up the worse it is—on days when I have to wake up at 8 to babysit I have to TEAR myself out of bed, and my stomach hurts like a motherfucker once I do get up, almost invariably.

on the flip side I can fall asleep easy at any time, but it takes longer before 2, and even longer before midnight, and also if I go to sleep before midnight I will wake up in at most 4 hours and then again and again and again during the night and struggle to get back to sleep. sometimes when I go to sleep at 9pm to wake up for my job in the morning, I get those 4 hours, and then wake up for good at 1am with absolutely no chance of getting back to sleep no matter how hard I try.

last night I went to bed at 4am bc I decided last minute instead of going to bed to get flynn to cut my hair (it is finally buzzed now I'm so happy LOLLL) and then take a shower first. did all that, fell asleep easy as hell since it was after 2. I set an alarm for noon this morning so I didn't have to worry about checking the time to see if I had under- or overslept when I woke up in the morning to roll over. when I did, the alarm hadn't gone off— turned out it was 15 minutes before it was supposed to, and I laid there for like 5 of those minutes before I even checked trying to go back to sleep, but my body literally didn't need to. i just woke right up. if id had a reason to I could've rolled out of my bed 5-10 minutes before my alarm feeling rested and awake as fuck, a feeling that doesn't really happen to me for hours when I wake up at 8. my mom had even called my phone, right next to my pillow, two hours earlier, and I don't remember it waking me up at ALL bro I was OUT.

in conclusion I had no idea the magnitude of the difference when I do it the way my body wants me to and also Why do my biorhythms hate me thus

[gabrielmtc]

Baguio : The "Coolest" Place in the Philippines.

                Baguio, elevating 1,500m above sea level, at an elevation this high, you will definitely feel the breeze gliding on your skin making your shiver.

 Many of us has been to Baguio for at least one point in our lives, and for me, I mean, my 10-year-old me, it was my first time.

                After knowing that we will go to Baguio for summer, I was excited, because all of the things I have hear about this place was, “sobrang lamig dito, parang ayoko na umuwi”. So the little me cant wait to find out what’s really there, if its really “malamig” or its just a placebo effect that if you are in baguio you’re the one of the coolest person in the country, literally.

                So, the time has come and it’s the day that we go the city, I woke up at 2 am, bags already packed, heck I even slept with my clothes that I will wear for tomorrow beside my bed. I was really excited, to come and see the beautiful views of mines view, the elegant, and the classy “The Mansion”, and of course the popular night market at the Harrison Road just shy of Session Road. It is a place where both kids and adults will be happy whatever the city offer. The rental bikes you can rent with your family and friends, the swans on the pond, and the horses that you can ride. For me, the moment I stepped out of the bus it was the horses that greeted me a welcome to their beloved city, I was so happy, probably because that  was my first time seeing an actual horse in flesh. Happy and excited, the little me was running out of joy at the park yelling, but of course only in my mind “sa Wakas naka rating na din ako sa baguio”. After an hour of exploring and appreciating the beauty of the city we finally went to our transient and that’s when it all sunk in, “damn, Ill literally be in this city for a week, that’s so cool”. Little me was so excited thinking what are the many things that my family and I will do for tomorrow, lying down on my bed, thinking, just thinking, until my eyes unconsciously closed, and I fell asleep.                 The next time I opened my eyes, its morning my family and relatives were already packing and getting ready for the first day of our tour, after I saw them, I quickly stood up and took a bath, even though it’s so cold as a Pinoy-cultured kid, I. have. To. Take. A. Bath       

                Our first stop, Minesview Park, this place is unreal, the views on the Observation deck is breath-taking, while looking at the superb view I ate a delicacy called “sundot kulangot” in Tagalog, it literally means picking a booger from the inside of your nose. Ew, but as much as it sounds disgusting the taste of this food was so sweet and yummy, I really enjoyed eating the sweet candy while looking at the sweetest view in the whole city.

                I won’t be telling the whole tour in detail because it would take days for me to express it, like, 1 day for a day in Baguio? That would be insane!

                There I also a day where we visited The Mansion, and since its only a walking-distance from our transient, you guessed it, we walked, inside the vicinity, a lot of people walking, some are towards the mansion, and some away, and in the middle of them, is a body of water and is probably a man-made river this sets a cool ambiance to the place that helps The Mansion be more elegant and dreamy.

                Last day was different, I mean commonly last day is the day where you so called “sulit” your time because those are the very last minutes of your tour, but us, we just stayed in our transient, rested, but for me, it was sort of experiencing to actually live in baguio, because of course the locals don’t tour everyday so this final day for us was like, how does it feel to be a baguio local-resident? Is it more relaxing than living in the suburbs of manila? So, in our last day we lived like locals and stayed in our house, watching tv, chilling near the chimney, and me, as a “videogame-addict” I went outside with my dad and looked for a computer shop nearby. And we found one, so I rented 1 hour to play, and this was one of the times that I said to myself “gusto ko tumira dito”. To experience living in a place much more cooler than manila is different, like everything is different. The air is so much fresher and cooler. But sadly, we had to leave the city and go back to reality.

                For me, that tour was very fun and memorable, I mean its my first time right? First for me is always the most memorable. And although I love Baguio so much, I just cant forget the place where I lived and grew up, yes other places might be cooler, and more beautiful, the place where we  grew up always has a special  place in our hearts, and that’s the reason it’s called “HOME” there’s nothing like it, as much as Baguio is relaxing, the feeling of resting in your own home  is unbeatable, that’s when you feel that you are really resting.

                I won’t forget Baguio, it still probably one of my favourite places that I visited. But as much as I love home, I can’t wait to go back, and I will go back to… Baguio: The “Coolest Place in the Philippines.

[lucius-the-sinful]

writing patterns

rules: list the first line(s) of your last 10 posted fics and see if there's a pattern!

tagged by @omgkalyppso ! thank you!! <3

1- "Fragile Thing" (D&D, OC's, fingering, penetrative sex, rated E)

He had the soft pad of his thumb pressed up against the warmth of her clit, making small circles and observing her reaction. Sylvanna bit her lip, then peered at him down the length of her body.

2- "The Sinking of Teeth" (WIP) (BG3, Astarion, Astarion and Tiefling OC, biting, blood, Rated M)

Astarion’s gaze flicked between each of his traveling companions thus far, until they landed on the tent of their darling tiefling bard, Galethor. He mulled over his options. The wizard was swollen, yet veered on the side of caution. The assumed warlock was the most likely to not think twice about killing him, followed swiftly by the githyanki warrior. And the cleric… Well, best not to bite the hand that heals you.

3- "Call in the Wind" (WIP) (TES, Dunmer OC's, death, rated M)

A lone dunmer entered the Ancestral Tomb just as midnight passed, carrying in his arms a decorated urn and with a neatly folded banner draped over his shoulder.

4- "Feather Fall" (Part 2 of the Witcher, Poet, King series) (The Witcher, Witcher OC's, Winter at Kaer Morhen, Rated T)

The snow fell from the dark gray clouds, adding to the deep drifts. It also clung to the hood and cloak of a witcher, riding a white stallion along the winding path through the dense mountains.

5- "I Was Just a Kid" (Part 2 of the Bend & Break series) (D&D, OC's, child neglect & abuse, Rated M)

Gale folded his arms over his desk, resting his chin as he gazed out the window, watching the other middle schoolers play whilst he was stuck in detention. He wasn't alone; his best friend, Domiel, sat on the opposite end of the room. Their teacher, a human man with a permanent scowl and sagging skin, was practically half asleep while grading papers. Seconds felt like minutes, the lunch hour would feel like an entire day. 

6- "Ashblind" (WIP) (TES, Dunmer Dragonborn, Teldryn and the Dragonborn, Solestheim, Rated M)

Helón was never good at hiding his emotions, whether it was the smallest tilt in the corners of his mouth or how he crossed his thick arms over his broad chest. Or those damn longing eyes of his as he got onto that damn longboat that'd sail across the damn sea. Away from Solestheim, away from Teldryn, who was left utterly speechless on the docks.

7- "Cold Cold Man" (WIP) (D&D, OC's, oral sex, dubious consent, rated E)

“Is that what you want to do? Beg for me?” The words passed through Rarzal’s lips nonchalantly, the same lips Gale had been watching this entire conversation.

8- "Evervale" (WIP) (Original Work, OC's, rated M)

He held his hand against the disturbed soil, a furrow bringing his eyebrows together. The print was unusual for this area, and not the monster he believed he was hunting. His golden eyes, with thin vertical ovals for pupils, followed the tracks deeper off the trail. He looked up, and saw a branch snapped from at least ten feet above the ground.

9- "Fragments" (Mass Effect Trilogy, Kaidan Alenko and M!Shepard, first person pov, alternate ending, rated M)

One moment, there was darkness. The only sound was a high pitched ringing. It faded within moments, and then the pain started.

10- "A Worthy Distraction" (TES, ESO, Fennorian and Vestige OC, Altmer OC, trans masc character, penetrative sex, fluff and smut, rated E)

Fennorian's habit of wasting a large portion of his day in the laboratory was about as surprising as a pony guar dozing in the afternoon sun.

Lord I struggled to find enough writing for these because I am a slow writer, so there's a bunch of wips sprinkled in. I also can never keep it to one line.

tagging anyone who wishes to participate :)

[lithesunflower]

Fragile Strength Part 15

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5  Part 6  Part 7  Part 8  Part 9  Part 10  Part 11  Part 12   Part 13  Part 14

Author’s Note: So everyone wanted different things so here is just everything, Whump, Fluff, and Story building all in one! I hope you enjoy 

Over the next few weeks Spider and Anya got used to a new routine as the monsoon season arrived. If it as cloudy in the mornings Anya would leave for a bit to go and get breakfast for both of them while Spider slept. She would bring it back before moving to massage Spider's head until the clouds eventually parted.

Thankfully most of the storms happened either in the morning or the late afternoon but didn't last all day. If the storms seemed to be brewing Anya would make up some sort of excuse about being tired or too warm and Spider would follow her to the lab where he could take his mask off and relax until the storms passed.

He still got the migraines, the terrible throbbing in his head but usually if they caught it early enough Anya could massage away the worst of it.

One day, the sun came up and stayed out all day. Making for  a long and fun day for both Spider and Anya. They had played with the Sully kids, done some deep diving with the Metkayina clan, and even helped to forage and plant in the gardens.

Needless to say both of them were exhausted. Anya hardly even ate dinner she could barely keep her eyes open and eventually Spider got up and gently picked the girl up in his arms to take her to the med hut they both liked so much.

“I can walk” she mumbled softly and Spider just chuckled

“Yeah…walk right into the ocean” he teased her. She gave him a playful pinch in response and he just smirked.

He put her down inside the med hut and moved to check his mask oxygen level. His oxygen was good so he moved to curl up a few feet away from Anya starting to let unconsciousness take him. Moments later he felt her curling into his side, no matter how far apart they started she always found her way up to his side. It was a comfort feeling her that close and Spider would be lying if he said he hadn’t been waiting for her to snuggle up before he fell asleep. A painted arm gently draped over the small girl’s body and both of them were out in seconds.

It was still dark when Spider woke something having stirred him from sleep. He realized it was nearly dawn and decided he should go and help with some of the morning preparations since the sky seemed to be clear. He had been feeling guilty about not being much help the last few weeks. He hated leaving Anya but he also couldn’t bear to wake her. He slipped away quietly and hurried to start helping.

A few hours later at breakfast Spider was starting to wonder how long Anya would sleep. She was often more tired than he was and they had been pretty busy the day before, maybe today she was just extra tired. Still it wasn't like her to miss breakfast. The sun continued to climb in the sky and Spider finally went to check on Anya.

She was still curled up like he had left her and that caused Spider to reach out to brush some of the hair from her face. He nearly jumped back in shock as he felt heat radiating off of her. In one quick motion he had grabbed the blankets off of her and was searching her for signs of distress. That was when he saw them, one on her collarbone and one of her wrist, large nasty bites, bites Spider had never seen. They were dark and the skin around them looked red and angry. Spider scooped the girl up and ran from the hut

“Help! Help! I need help!” He called out running as fast as he could towards the middle of camp. Many of the Na’vi looked up in concern but it was Ronal that Spider was looking for. The woman appeared and took one look at Anya before pointing to the blankets in the corner of her own hut.

“Set her down” she instructed. Spider set the girl down and watched on anxiously, his chest heaving with deep breaths. Ronal moved her hands along the girls body before quickly turning her to her side and reaching down the back of her shirt and yanking something from the girl’s back. She held up the dark bug it’s fangs clicking as it protested to being moved away from its prey.

Spider recognized the creature instantly and for the first time ever wanted to kill something out of pure rage. Usually Kali'weya stayed away but it seemed that the season was warm and this one had found it’s way into the med hut. Anya being human meant she was easy prey and the insect had started its work circulating poison into the girl’s system.

Even with the creature detached Anya looked pale and fragile. Spider moved forward to touch her but Ronal held up her hand. “I need to work on her…she may not be safe yet” she said softly. “Go” she commanded and Spider felt fear in his heart as he was moved from the hut.

Spider paced back and forth in anger, frustration. He picked up a few rocks hurling them into the sea and yelling loudly. It was Kiri who came to his side.

“Monkey boy” she said gently as she approached. Spider turned, his eyes red from crying.

“Why!? Why her? She didn’t do anything! She’s innocent why doesn’t the great mother protect her!?” He screamed. Why was it like this? Spider loved Pandora, loved the Na’vi, had always considered this his home but now he felt like at every turn there was some sort of danger to Anya and it didn’t make sense. How could this world that had always seemed so beautiful and peaceful be so deadly to her? How could this place he loved, this place that he felt so connected to be the reason he might lose his companion?

Kiri sat down and patted the area beside her.  

Spider reluctantly moved and sat down huffing in frustration. “It’s not fair…Eywa should be protecting her…of all creatures…” he said. “I know she’s human like me…I know we’re different…but I thought the great mother cared about us too…”

“But Spider…” Kiri began “Don’t you see? She does…she does care…Anya is alive because of you” she said. “You found her in time and she’s being tended to…she’ll be okay…if it had been much later she wouldn’t be but Eywa gave you your intuition and you knew to check on her”

Spider just shook his head in frustration. “But she shouldn’t have been hurt to begin with! Why is this world so dangerous to her!?”

“Earth was dangerous too…” Kiri said. “There will always be danger Spider”

The boy looked distraught and sad “Why can’t I…why can’t I protect her?”

“You did Spider…we can’t stop bad things from happening to those we love…but we can be there to help with the healing” she whispered, gently touching his arm. Spider leaned into Kiri’s shoulder, exhaustion falling over him as the adrenaline from earlier began to wear off.

“I just don’t understand…I love pandora…but…” he didn’t know how to finish that thought.

“Perhaps you are looking at this wrong…Eywa sent you to protect Anya…you found her in the forest, you found her today, Eywa has given you great purpose Spider…she is using you to protect Anya and us…” she said. “You have come to my rescue plenty of times, and Tuk’s we all know that you would never let something happen to her” Spider sighed softly.

“I suppose I hadn’t thought of it that way” he said. “Kiri…I…” he hesitated before speaking again "I wanted to kill that thing that touched her today” he said. “I’ve never felt like this. I mean I've been angry before but...I would do anything to protect her..." he whispered.

Kiri smiled and nodded "I know you would...and it seems that she would do anything to protect you too...she cares about you a lot" she said.

"I miss her....I mean I've only been away from her for today and I miss her..." he sighed shaking his head. "I'm scared I'll lose her...and...and I...I don't know if I could be okay again...if I did" Kiri hugged Spider close.

"You can't live in fear of what might be...you have to enjoy what you have while you have it" she whispered, sadness creeping into her voice.

Guilt filled Spider as thoughts of Neteyam filled his mind, thoughts of Quaritch and all that had happened. He felt like he had betrayed the Sullys and he couldn't even tell them. It made him ache more for Anya, for her presence, the way she knew how to cheer him up and turn his thoughts.

Ronal appeared and nodded to Spider and Kiri "She's awake...she's asking for you" the woman said.

Spider jumped up quickly and rushed towards the hut but he stopped and glanced back at Kiri for a second

"Thank you" he said softly. Kiri smiled at him and watched him go. Her eyes filled with tears as she watched him disappear into the hut to take care of the blonde girl. She remembered when they were close, she and Spider, now it was so rare that she even got to talk to him. Anya was always there and often the two seemed to have their own language they spoke with each other that Kiri did not understand. Everything was different now with Neteyam gone. She wished again that she could go back to the night that Spider was kidnapped and undo what had been done. Now it seemed things would never be the same between them.

Spider hurried to Anya's side, slowing down just enough so he wouldn't startle her as he appeared. She still looked pale and tired but her emerald eyes held their usual spark when she saw him.

"Spider!" she grinned reaching out for him with her good hand. Her other wrist was wrapped up as well as the bite near her collarbone and on her back.

"You scared me" Spider said almost instantly scooping Anya into his arms and hugging her close. She squealed in surprise but wrapped her arms around him.

"Did your head hurt today?" she asked, worried about him.

"Anya...you're the one who's been hurt today...I'm fine...you..." Spider choked up, how was it that she could be the one hurt and still be trying to look out for him?

"I'm okay now...I'm sorry...I didn't mean to scare you" she said softly, melodically, her voice was so sweet.

"You have nothing to be sorry for..." Spider whispered. "Come on...I'm taking you back to the labs"

"But its getting late and you hate sleeping in the labs"

"I hate sleeping alone way more and the bugs won't touch you in the lab" he insisted. He stood easily with her in his arms and she giggled softly.

"Spider! I can walk!"

"No way!" he said with determination "I'm not letting you go till we are safe inside the labs" he said. There was a playfulness to his tone but he also seemed pretty serious. Anya rolled her eyes but kept her arms round his neck as he carried her.

Once they were inside Spider set Anya on the bed and took his mask off. Anya sat there looking at him crossing her arms defiantly

"Well I'm not going to sleep yet! I'm not tired! So what are we going to do till I'm sleepy?" she asked. Spider looked confused for a moment, it was still pretty early in the night even though it was dark out. They certainly had time to do something.

"Well...ummm..." he thought for a moment then grinned. "Stay here!" he said before putting his mask back on and disappearing outside. He came back with a large bowl of sand and several rocks and sticks.

Anya looked at him like he had lost his mind "You know I think the idea of being inside the lab is to leave outside...outside" she teased him. He narrowed his eyes at her as he took his mask off.

"Ha ha very funny, come here" he said motioning for her to sit on the floor with him. But he seemed to reconsider "Wait, stay there," he found a way to set the bowl down on the bed before sitting crosslegged at the other end. Anya sat up and scooted closer, watching as Spider drew a few lines in the sand.

"Do you want to be rocks or sticks?" Spider asked

"Rocks?" Anya asked not sure what exactly she was agreeing to. Spider nodded and gave Anya the small pile of rocks.

"Okay this is called Toe Tacks...or Tac Toes? I don't remember, but I learned it when I was trapped..." He explained "The goal is to get three in a row...and that is my goal too...so you have to block me if I'm getting close and I have to block you. We take turns until one of us has three in a row or until the board is full" Anya looked a little confused

"Okay..." she placed one of her rocks and Spider countered with one of his sticks. They went back and forth before Spider announced

"I won!" Anya looked at him confused

"How?! You don't have three in a row!" she insisted.

"Yes I do...see" he pointed to one in the bottom left corner, one in the middle and one at the top right corner.

"You did not say that it could be diagonal!" Anya insisted

"Well I didn't say it couldn't be!" Spider countered.

"Well then mine right here count too" she said pointing to the one at the top middle, top left and middle left.

"No it doesn't...those don't make a straight line" Spider explained seriously.

"Your line is slanted it's not straight" Anya argued.

"It is too straight! It doesn't have a corner!"

"Fine...I still think you're cheating though..." Anya said "Come on let"s play again...I'm gonna beat you this time!"

"Yeah right!" Spider said crossing his arms. They played several more rounds but soon Anya was finding a way to win every one and Spider was starting to get flustered.

"Now you're cheating!" he said trying to figure out her strategy. She just giggled and shrugged

"I'm not!" she said

"You are too...let me be the rocks!" Spider said thinking maybe she had some sort of advantage being rocks.

"No way!" Anya said holding her rocks out of reach. Spider just leaned over her trying to grab her fist as she laughed "Spider no! You're gonna knock over the bowl!" she squealed as she tried not to collapse in a fit of laughter.

She was holding the rocks so far away that she lost her balance and started to fall off the bed. Spider tried to catch her which just resulted in him also losing balance and tilting towards the floor. On his way down he knocked the bowl over so it spilled sand all over both of them leaving them in a puddle of sand, rocks, sticks, and laughter on the floor.

Anya was laughing so hard she could hardly breathe and Spider was sitting up pulling twigs from his hair and looking shocked at the mess they had just made.

"Are you hurt?" he asked worry suddenly clouding his features for a moment. Anya couldn't even respond she was laughing so hard but she shook her head which didn't seem to calm Spider at all.

"Are you sure? Anya...geez I didn't mean to do that" he said checking her over and pushing her hair away from her neck to check that none of her bandages were off.

Anya took a deep breath but just continued to giggle. Her smile, the sound of her laughter made Spider feel like the whole room was glowing. He felt that flutter in his chest again as he looked at her, covered in sand and twigs. He found himself reaching out and brushing her hair back from her face as he leaned over her. His own smile started to form at the sound of her glee.

He was inches from her, and the laughter seemed to slow and come to a stop as they both realized how close they were. Spider couldn't take his eyes off of her. Her eyes, her face, her hair....she was breathtaking and he had known it but the way she was looking at him, they way he saw her right now...it was different.

It was slow, both of their hearts racing in their chests, but quiet settling over them. Spider leaned closer, his hand moving to carefully cup her cheek, fingers brushing her neck as he closed the gap between them, softly pressing his lips to hers. Anya seemed surprised but she kissed him back instantly, without hesitation. Her arms moved to wrap around his neck. She tasted like fruit and honey.

As he kissed her he could feel how delicate she was and yet there was a strength he had never given her credit for. When he pulled away from her she just smiled at him, breathless, quiet, happy. He had pulled away from her for air but he almost instantly leaned back in, only hesitating slightly to make sure that she was okay with it. His hands rested again her soft skin, cupping her face with one hand and her neck with the other.

Spider had spent years never feeling like he belonged anywhere, always feeling like he was half of what he should be, half human, half Na'vi, half family, half wanted... Even with Quaritch he had felt something but had felt like it was a betrayal to his Na'vi family to get too close to the man who held his father's memories. But now, for the first time in his life, Spider didn't feel like half, he didn't feel conflicted or like there were two sides pulling him in different direction. He felt fully known, cared for, wanted.

When he moved to pull away from the second kiss Anya whimpered softly keeping her hand on his neck pulling him closer, she didn't want him to stop. She cared about him, he could feel it, he could feel her wanting to be close to him and it was like every bad thing, every bad thought, every fear he had ever known disappeared knowing she wanted to be this close to him.

Eventually they did have to part for air but Spider was beaming. "I've...never done that..." he whispered and Anya chuckled softly.

"Me either..." she whispered back feeling like they needed to be quiet.

"Anya...I..." Spider didn't know the words to say, he didn't know how to express what he felt being that close to her, sharing that kiss with her. Anya didn't know the words either but she reached out and brushed his cheek with her fingers.

"I see you" Spider said gently.

"I see you..." Anya whispered back her eyes locked on him.

Spider felt like he had swallowed a whole family of butterflies his stomach was doing so many somersaults.

"Spider?" Anya whispered

"Hmm?"

"We are going to be in so much trouble when Norm and Max get back if we don't clean this up" she teased him softly. Spider grinned and shrugged

"I'll just tell them you did it..." he said earning himself a playful scowl and a pinch as Anya wiggled out from under him to start cleaning.

[snazzymolasses]

When I was 22, I almost died from not sleeping. No, that is not hyperbole.

I had a hellish schedule- I was working full-time to afford rent/food, while also doing a full-time college class schedule and student-teaching at an elementary school.

I slept on Saturdays. No, that isn't a joke.

My schedule was:

5am - 6am Shower/eat breakfast 6am - 6:45am Drive to elementary school 7pm - 3pm Teach (lunch was in ther) 3pm - 3:30pm Drive to college 3:30pm - 6:30pm Class 7:00pm - 4am Work (dinner was in there; I worked at a pizza place) 4am - 4:45am Drive home 5am - 6am Shower/eat breakfast Same exact thing as before, except now it's called Tuesday. Do you see anywhere in that schedule to sleep? Nope. Cause there isn't.

So at 4:45am on Saturday mornings, I'd get home and sleep for about 24 hours. Then on Sundays I did all my homework/studying for the week, and planned all my teaching lessons.

This was my schedule for the semester, which means I went on like this for months. And because I was so young, my body handled this until APRIL, which is 4 months in.

And then it crashed. Hard.

I was in the middle of teaching 2nd grade, when suddenly...my voice stopped working. No matter what I did, I couldn't clear my throat. Drank some water. Nothing. Couldn't talk.

Sat down at my desk, and realized, suddenly, instantly, that I was sick. Very sick. I had never felt anything like it. 10 minutes ago I'd been fine, and now I had a raging fever. My cheeks were burning. My head was throbbing.

I wrote a note to my mentor teacher that I had to go to the doctor, didn't even wait for her to reply, and left.

The drive from the school to my college's infirmary (which was free for students and I was piss poor so it was my only option for medical care) was 45 minutes, and I wasn't sure I was going to make it.

When the nurse took my temperature, it was 104F (40C). She said "Oh my God." and gave me an insane dose of Tylenol, forced me to drink a gallon of Tang, and then left to go find the doctor. And I could no longer keep my eyes open. I laid down right there on the exam table and fell asleep.

They said I slept for two hours. They let me; they said it was important for me to get my fever down, and the Tylenol and Tang worked, by then it was in the non-dangerous range of 101F (38C).

Then I had a horrific coughing fit. What came out of my lungs was nasty; but after that, I was able to talk. The doctor told me I had severe bronchitis. He wanted me to go to a hospital.

I told him I couldn't afford a hospital. He seemed to understand; he gave me a long list of medications to take, and due to the nurse's infinite kindness, she gave them to me out of the infirmary's stores for free.

I got into my car with a huge bag full of medications and took the 45 minute drive home. On the way I stopped at the grocery store. I knew I was going to have to drink tons of fluids, and I also knew that once I crashed in my bed, I would not be coming back out. I left with as much juice and soda as I could carry and somehow, made it home.

I was bedridden for four. Weeks. 22 years old, had been otherwise healthy all my life, and now I was barely able to leave the bed to use the bathroom and then crawl back into it. During the day I was able to move to the couch. I couldn't cook; I lived on cereal and peanut butter. I knew I was failing all my classes; it didn't matter. I couldn't go to them. I knew I was failing my student-teaching, it didn't matter. I was barely alive. I knew I was an inch from death's door. Sometimes, when I closed my eyes, I wondered if I would open them again. I coughed so hard I pulled the muscles in my abdomen. I couldn't work; I had no idea how I was going to pay my rent. It didn't matter. I had to sleep.

I did survive. I did get well. It took months for my cough to go away. My lungs became scarred on the inside; after that, I had asthma, for the rest of my life. This was 20 years ago, and I still have it.

ALL BECAUSE I DIDN'T GIVE MY BODY SLEEP.

After that, I learned my lesson. There was nothing, and I mean NOTHING, more important than letting my body rest. When I went back to school, it was part-time. The old me was worried about graduating in 4 years; the new me learned that didn't matter as much as getting rest. So what if it took me 8 years to graduate? What good was a degree if I was dead? (I wound up graduating in 7 years).

The old me crammed my internship (student teaching) and classes into the same semester. The new me did not; if I was interning then I wasn't taking classes at the same time. I also waited until I could get an internship that paid me, so that I didn't also have to work as many hours at my other job. I learned to slow down. I learned it was GOOD to slow down. It was HEALTHY to take my time.

I also changed jobs from pizza to bank teller. It paid the same, but there were no night shifts. Night was for sleeping, night was for rest, and I was never, ever, going to deny my body what it needed again.

Now? Nobody is going to take my sleep from me. No societal pressure, no guilt trip, no "but if you just worked harder." FUCK working harder. I want to live. I am going to sleep. Take your working harder and shove it. I am going to bed.

And so should you.

Has anyone else noticed that as a society, we’re shamed for wanting to sleep? Sleeping in is bad, naps are only okay if they’re 20 minutes, you cant be tired unless you’re a <insert career/lifestyle choice here>, so on and so forth.

I mean, I think we all need to spread our blankets out, cuddle a pillow, and go to sleep. Everyone needs more of it, fuck this “it’s not productive” nonsense. It’s okay to sleep, it’s okay to want to sleep. You’re not lazy because of it.

[gettingbyy]

10/2/2024, 10/15/2024, 10/17/2024

this post is for mouse, but you can read it, too.

i was morally obligated to use this cover photo. miss you bbg <3

10/2/2024

limerence

"a state of involuntary obsession with another person. the experience of limerence is different from love or lust in that it is based on the uncertainty that the person you desire, called the "limerent object," also desires you." --Psychology Today

"a state of mind resulting from romantic feelings for another person. it typically involves intrusive and melancholic thoughts, or tragic concerns for the object of one's affection, along with a desire for the reciprocation of one's feelings... limerence can be considered romantic love, passionate love, infatuation, lovesickness, or even love madness." --Wikipedia, Dorothy Tennov as primary source

~~~

10/15/2024

since i started this draft (awhile ago now), i've had several "breakthroughs" you could say about why i felt the way i was re: W, and it's really changed the trajectory i thought this blog would go. originally, i was just going to write about limerence and how it's affected this whole situation, but i now know it goes beyond that. i alluded to it in our call last saturday, i didn't want to go into too much detail with A there, though. she would understand what i have to say & why, and honestly i've already told her a lot of it, but i also know it would hurt her to hear all over again.

as far as limerence goes, this was definitely my first time experiencing it, or at least experiencing it to this degree. i'd asked A about how i was when we first met and started getting ~~~romantic~~~ and she said i was very chill and normal about the whole situation. the main difference from back then is she was matching my energy in a way W hasn't for... a couple months now. i just went back to the beginning of our discord messages (we traded info a couple days after we met on hinge) and god damn i think he talked to me more in the first two weeks than he has in the last month. i was getting a few hours a day of conversation, and if one of us fell asleep or dropped off in the middle of a convo, we finished it the next time someone messaged. he was messaging first, he was engaged and interested in my interests, sharing more about himself and telling stories. fuck, dude.

anyway.

HOLY SHIT i just saw a thing where apparently you can ask chatgpt to give you an analysis of your text messages with someone and it will tell you what it thinks of the interactions/relationship. brb doing this immediately lmaooooooooo

wow. i'm having a full-on conversation with AI right now lol. this is kind of wild. it's actually offering some really solid advice, and the analysis has gotten insanely fast. i'm a little scared 🙃 i'll share more about what it said next time we talk, or maybe i'll just put it straight into the server if you're interested. it reflected a lot of what you and i have talked about, and stuff that A's said as well which is pretty mindboggling.

10/17/2024

ANYWAYS AGAIN

no more derailment, i promise. hopefully.

developments since last writing: i went to his house yesterday lol. i've been trying to get him to find us time to hang out and yesterday afternoon he was like "what time are you done with work?" and i was like "between 430-445" and he was like "i'm done with a meeting at 5 and have another one at 545, do you want to hang out?" and i was like "yes" thinking we'd like meet and get coffee real quick or something and then he was like "you need my address" and i was like oh shit i guess that's happening. so it did, and it was really nice. i went over after work and he showed me around his place a little bit, i admired his plants and brandon sanderson books, and then we went on a walk to this little mini park down the street from him. it was over way too fast, but i got like 6 hugs and tbh i really wanted to kiss him the entire time but i resisted. i want him to earn it a little more lmao. i definitely appreciated him squeezing me in like that. hopefully next time we can like, hang out on a weekend or something so we're not so time-constrained.

i also noticed he's been paying like... a lot of attention to things i've said/done, more than i realized. i was razzing him about his heat (his house was set to 67) and he said "i know you don't pay as much attention to physical characteristics, but i am quite a yeti" referring to me being ace. and he asked me follow-up questions on some things that were going on at work/in life that i'd talked about when we first. i think he does like me tbh, he's just so overwhelmed/overextended from his job that it makes it hard for him to engage. i guess i'll have to decide if that's a dealbreaker for me or not, cos i'm not sure it would really get better. like, he's looking for a different job and all, but given his line of work i feel like it's just going to be more of the same no matter where he goes. what helps is that it is so much better when we're in-person, so i know there's definitely something there, it's just... less accessible than i'd like it to be. also he kissed me on the head when he hugged me goodbye and i almost died of cuteness ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

to turn it around completely and go back to the original reason i started writing this, the whole "sort of ghosting but not really but sort of" and also "not seeming to listen to my needs/asks" was super triggering in a way i didn't expect/recognize at first. i know you already know this from watching it happen in real time, but with how A's and my relationship was, it really kind of beat down on my self esteem/self image slowly over the years. with all the fighting we did, and the reasons that were usually given for the anger/annoyance, i really had myself convinced for a long time that the problem was who i am as a person. a lot of times, it felt like i was just vibing and being me and all of a sudden i'd be hit with so much anger and criticism and frustration from her because of something i said or did or some way that i was acting. i've processed and gotten through a lot of it, and it's especially helped that we've healed our relationship towards each other, but it's been so long since i had like... actual romantic feelings for someone that i didn't realize i hadn't processed that side of things. it definitely manifested as panic and hmmm... insecurity when he first started sort of ghosting, and i think that came through more than a little. A talked me through the brunt of it, i managed to hold it back (mostly) from W, which was good cos it probably would've scared him off lol, but i definitely had more than one day/night of absolutely freaking out to A that i'd said or done something wrong and fucked everything up. i even obliquely brought it up to W, asking him if i was being overwhelming or "too much," essentially, and he assured me i wasn't, but then would go back to the sort of ghosting, which set me off even more. i think the unprocessed trauma of A's and my relationship manifested in this limerence experience where i became almost obsessed with trying to figure out W's "true motives" and decoding him looking for messages that weren't there. basically, it was probably the worst situation i could have found myself in for my next romantic pursuit lol. it's been A LotTM trying to work through it, i'm not gonna lie. still an ongoing process, too. i think it was a good move to break things off with him for the brief time that i did - pretty sure i told you, but it was while we were in washington, and before i went to north carolina. i went back to him a liiiittle too soon, but... i dunno, i think i've been handling it better this time around. he's been doing better about things, too, though still not where i'd prefer him to be. i'll take the little victories, though.

all in all, i still think there's a ton of potential here and i'd really like to see it realized someday. i'm trying not to get ahead of myself, though. A's been through so much with other disappointing men, who are disappointing for different reasons, that her advice has almost turned into "don't get excited about anyone ever" lol which is too far the other direction, but... in this case, probably not a bad idea. i think i'll go ahead and publish this one and maybe start a new blog of other musings, maybe. it's a yappy kind of week i guess xD love you bbg <3 <3 <3 <3