#i already wanted to reread the series at some point but this changed EVERYTHING

[titsthedamnseason]

GIBSIE was raped by mark? this whole time??? holy shit that actually brought me to tears. what the fuck.

[starryeyedcas]

Every Destiel Fic I’ve Ever Read [WIP]

Let’s do it! I took this list directly from my twitter

I’m not really going to post my ratings and stuff and I’m not going to copy what I said verbatim because as I grow older my opinions always change and every fic deserves love regardless of what some stranger on the internet thinks! Check these out if you need something new to read :)

Also, side note: A lot of the fics I tend to read are either non-canon or pre S10. If your looking for canon type, recent fics this will not be a list for you and I apologize :(

Also pt. 2: Some of the fics that I have listed on my twitter are no longer available so I have decided to not list them here. It’s very sad because there were some really good ones! Regardless, I’m still trying to keep this list as up to date as I possibly can when it comes to my reading ventures. Either way, I hope you enjoy these fics as much as I do <3

1. NINETY ONE WHISKEY

By komodobits, 401,193 words (not counting other fics in the series)

Please, please, please! Read this if you haven’t yet!! It’s a slow burn, World War II based fic and it’s my absolute favorite fic of all time. In fact I think it may be my favorite story of all time!! I come back to this fic always. If I’m sad, I read it. If I’m happy, I read it. I’ve read it probably 4 or 5 times at this point and it always holds up. I will say though, IT WILL MAKE YOU CRY. Dean and Cas are written VERY well, in fact every character in this fic are written to perfection. You find yourself growing attachments to side characters that you may have even forgotten existed in the show. I seriously cannot recommend this one enough. You will not regret it.

2. A BRIEF GLIMPSE

By cloudyjenn, 12,356 words

I’ll be honest, this one is special for me. This was the very first Destiel fic I ever read back in 2014. That being said, I may be a little biased towards it but I do genuinely think that it’s very cute. It’s a Slice-of-Life esque story with light supernatural happenings; where Castiel is in high school and has a very big crush on his best friend, Sam Winchester. Things start to go awry when Sam invites Cas to a carnival. I won’t spoil too much though! If you want a quick read with some fluff, definitely read this one.

3. SMELLS LIKE ROSES

By unknown :(, 53,828 words

Uhoh! A Djinn fic! I remember this one just hurting me so much. Dean is living his dream life. Everything around him is perfect and he’s mysteriously very happy. When you get to the end of this fic, holy cow the heartbreak. It’s written very well, you obviously can’t go wrong with a fic that slightly follows canon. I really like this one and I might reread it again soon but I cannot stress enough how much it hurts! Stay safe out there.

4. NOT ALL THE WAY THROUGH

By Tracy, around 4,700 words

Shorter fic based around s5 episodes 3 and 4. This one is good but it’s also very painful. I think I like fics that hurt me lol. There are some warnings I want to state! This fic features substance abuse, non con, mentions of torture and A CHARACTER DEATH so please be careful! This is told through Castiel’s perspective and all the summary says is “Castiel’s new life begins and ends with Dean.” So I will leave it at that. (Also as a side note whenever I think of this fic I think of the song ‘And So it Goes’ by Billy Joel. Listen to that while reading and you are sure to shed some tears. Stay safe friends xx)

5. PAINTED ANGELS

By WinnJennster, 105,637 words

This one used to be really popular, so it’s likely many of you have already read it. Either way I will still recommend it. It’s a nice little “reunited�� type fic in which Cas is an author and Dean is a painter. I will say, however, that the angst in this fic is HEAVY. Personally, I’m not huge into giant angsty fics like this, or maybe the type of angst portrayed in this one. I just remember feeling a little frustrated by it. YET, this fic has a lot of good memorable moments with some fluff sprinkled throughout. If you love angst, this is the fic for you. WARNING though, you need an AO3 account to read this fic. If you’re not already logged in, you’re out of luck.

6. TWIST AND SHOUT

By Gabriel and standbyme, 97,556 words

Who are we kidding?? Everyone on this website KNOWS this fic. You all could probably recount it backwards, forwards, sideways, upside down. Who knows. All we know is that this fic is a capital S-A-D. When I was in high school, I LOVED this fic. I adored it, no matter how much it made me cry. Because YES there is a MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH. And NO it’s not FUN. Can I be honest? After rereading it, I feel as if Cas and Dean are out of character! Doesn’t mean it’s a bad story, absolutely not. It’s beautiful! I think it’s wonderful and obviously I recommend it. But you could change the names of the boys and you wouldn’t even know its based off two characters from Supernatural. This is my hill and I will gladly die on it. Read it if you dare, but remember to beware OOooOOoooOo (another side note: I had to go to the fic to get the link for this post and I swear to God my eyes watered when I read that first sentence. I HATE and I LOVE this fic all at the same time.)

7. SMOKE IN THE MIRROR

By letters_of_stars, 52,327 words

Oh shoot! Dean is an artist and he needs a nude model!! Who do you think is gonna take the bait?!?! In all seriousness though, I really adore this one. YES Castiel is nude and YES Dean is painting him but if you’re expecting smut right from the get go you are mistaken! I wanna say this is another slow burn?? But it has also been a while since I’ve read it. I just remember liking this one a lot. In my original rating, I gave it a 5/5 so that’s gotta mean something. Another little slice of life with a lot of good moments. Check it out!

8. A HOME BENEATH THE STARS

By CheshireMoon, 71,240 words

Hi, it’s me again. The girl who likes fics that rip her heart to SHREDS. I’m gonna be about as vague as can about this one because boy did that ending catch me off guard when I first read it. So Dean is homeless, right? And Cas is a kind hearted, Good Samaritan, astronomer. When the two meet Dean’s life changes… for the better… I’m gonna leave it at that. You could be ignorant like me and skip over the warnings to this fic and just leave it to good will and faith that this fic will leave you happy and giggly. Or you could do yourself a favor and know what’s coming but not know when it happens. Either way, I still recommend this one. I really like it, just make sure you have a fluff fest fic waiting for you on the other side.

9. THE FACE OF HEAVEN

By orange_crushed, 9,772 words

This one is short and so so sweet. Another type of slice-of-life where Dean is just a gay bartender living his best gay bartending life when he suddenly comes across a fallen star whose name is Castiel. It’s very unique and I love it so much. In my original opinion of this fic I said I didn’t like the formatting? And I think what I meant to say is, I don’t like reading long paragraphs but the formatting to this fic is perfectly fine lol. Still a fun little read and it’s pretty fluffy!

10. SO MUCH TANGLED THREAD

By imogenbynight, 37,428 words

Holy crap! Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES. It’s like, Ninety One Whiskey almost, except there’s time travel, and supernatural happenings, and OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS FIC. It’s ends pretty quick but it’s still so so so good. Please read it, show it some love. I think about this one from time to time and I still smile. Much like with Painted Angels, you need an account to read this one. So make sure you’re logged in! If you don’t have an account you best get that invitation fr.

11. DIAMOND STAR HALO

By had, 4,924 words

Just pure fluff told from Sam Winchester’s perspective. I kind of have a soft spot for fics told from a third party perspective because it’s like they’re seeing Dean and Cas how WE see Dean and Cas and it makes me all giddy, I dunno. This is a good short read and you should definitely read it after reading something really sad and heart wrenching!

12. CINDERWINGS

By bendingsignpost, 181,619 words

STOP!! I love this fic!! It’s a Cinderella type story, there’s a masquerade ball, Dean is a PRINCE. Very fantasy with supernatural elements. It’s WONDERFUL. The way the author writes about the world through Castiel’s perspective is super entertaining and funny and I love the misunderstandings that happen within the story. If you love fantasy and monarchy and magic and parties, this is definitely a fic for you.

13. ONE WHITE LIE

By komodobits, 11.179 words

I can’t lie, komodobits is my favorite fic author and so I am a little biased towards their stories. This one is no exception. It’s hilarious, lighthearted, and fluffy. The range that this author has with their fics amazes and horrifies me. How can one person have that much talent? I have no idea. This is just a komodobits appreciation post, you got me. Anywho, Castiel tells a small lie to the Winchester brothers and they mess with him. Not based in canon, a very slice-of-life fic. I love it, please check it out.

14. FORGET-ME-NOT BLUES

By noangelsinthegarrison, 68,689 words

Ahhh I remember this one. Another slice-of-life, have you noticed a pattern? Sam and Jess are getting married! Woohoo! Of course Dean is in the wedding but so is Castiel, someone Dean has history with……….. Basically there’s misunderstandings and mutual pining and it’s fun. It’s got all sorts of romcom elements with just a dash of angst!

15. MUSCLE MEMORY

By komodobits, 18,961 words

Give me a story that’s loosely based off of 50 First Dates and written by my favorite fic author and suddenly I’m in Heaven. I’m a really big fan of movie AU’s, especially well written and this one is no exception. It’s kind of sad though, but if you’ve seen 50 First Dates then you should expect that. Even if you aren’t a fan of movie AU’s, I would still suggest giving this one a read.

16. KIND OF A FOREVER DEAL

By komodobits, 111,460 words

STOP LOOKING AT ME. YOU THINK IM PUTTING TOO MANY FICS BY THE SAME AUTHOR HERE? WELL YOU LISTEN TO ME PAL, THIS WON’T BE THE LAST ONE EITHER!! Ahem, this fic is awesome and sort of a fan favorite already!! Slice-of-life, teenaged angst, summer camp, LoVe, it’s amazing! The way that the author wrote the friendship between Dean, Cas, Jo, and Victor has me in tears. Very wholesome and heart wrenching, highly recommend!

17. IMPERFECT PROPOSALS

By Fallen_Angel_Meg, 111,082 words

Another movie AU! This is loosely based off The Proposal and filled with fluff! You really don’t see a whole lot of crossover fics that are long like this one, but it’s fun to read and you’ll probably fly through it just like I did. Do you like The Proposal? No? Read it anyways xx

18. CHECKED OUT

By whelvenwinge, 27,127 words

Okay this one, is really good. Like really good. It comes complete with original artwork and fantastic storytelling. Castiel is a librarian and he really despises Dean Winchester, an acclaimed author. It’s sooooo good, I cannot stress enough how much I think you should read this. And you’ll get really pretty pictures to look at! The ending is great, the beginning is great, it’s just wonderful. So what are you waiting for? Run along now and read it!

19. SPECIAL INSTRUCTIONS

By habitatfordeanwinchester, 2,593

This one is just cute. It’s short and fluffy. Imagine Castiel working at a Chipotle and getting special instructions on a mobile order. Can you guess who they’re from? If you’re sad and need a pick me up, just read this one. It’s so cute!

20. C-S-T-L

By komodobits, 90,377

It has been a really long time since I read this one. But I know that I loved every second of it and I was crying during the majority of it. Either because I had just got done reading 91w or because the story itself made me emotional. Either way it’s a fantastic read! Castiel is an android and Dean is tasked with adding him to their army for the WAR. This fic has wonderful world building, really in-depth character exploration, and the ANGST. I’m probably going to read this one again sometime soon~ JOIN MEEEEE

[melrosing]

Do you think Jaime sincerely regrets what he does to Bran despite only thinking of it once?

ya of course. I think something that maybe needs to be said more often (particularly regarding Jaime’s POV but also broadly applies to others) is that you are not always going to see a character doing the workings that lead them from point A to point B. you have to fill in some of the gaps yourself and surmise the changes in thinking that have taken place offscreen.

The Jaime and Bran thing is a good example of this. we can gather from the scene in which the push takes place that this isn’t something Jaime wanted to do, but felt compelled to: he helps Bran up when he initially falls, and when he asks Bran his age etc a reader can gather when rereading the scene that this is Jaime trying to make time as he deliberates what he’s going to do next. then ‘the things I do for love’ is said with ‘loathing’. already we have plenty to determine that Jaime was not happy w this line of action, but felt he needed to take it.

then we get the AGOT-early ASOS scenes where Jaime comes across as a cut and dry villain and does nothing to help himself, half-jesting to Bran’s own mother about what he did and demonstrating no remorse whatsoever. shocking on first read but a rereader should be able to go back based on what they learn of Jaime later on and realise that he talks differently to what he feels, and maintains this darkly careless front specifically to avoid digging up his true feelings on difficult subjects. this is made apparent over and over again.

then there’s a big gap where Bran is neither mentioned nor thought about by Jaime, when suddenly right towards the end of the book he declares himself ashamed of what he did. so now the reader realises that Jaime has been thinking about what he did, even whilst we haven’t read those thoughts. and then looking at how the act was performed in the first place, we can realise he’s always been ashamed of what he did, has just been telling himself and others differently for his own complex reasons.

I think there are a lot of people who can’t accept that character work sometimes takes place off the page as well as on it, and a character won’t always declare every step they take in a new direction, but sometimes a certain line here or there will tell you that that work has been taking place. if executed well, this is just good writing: it’s boring having the writer spell everything out for you, good books should feel like you’re working with the writer to build the full story.

a lot of people do want it spelt out though lol, you see that a lot with discussions re Jaime, because I’d say he’s maybe the most ‘show don’t tell’ character in the series. and like I always say this isn’t fuckin Paradise Lost or whatever you do not need a degree to crack it but idk like. reading is a skill?? spend any amount of time in asoiaf fandom and truly u will realise that some people just. well they haven’t honed that skill yet lol

[valle-de-sombra-de-muerte]

Homestuck Reread: Act 5-1, Part 1/5 (p. 1989-2099)

Read the previous post here.

Well the last post got a much more positive reception than I expected, so that's a relief. Anyway, get the grey face paint ready, because it's time for Act 5-1.

Alternian script is the Daedric alphabet from The Elder Scrolls series flipped upside down, which I'm sure most fans know already. The user tries entering "Turdodor Fuckball" for the planet's name.

Interestingly, the correct name is not "Alternia" but "Trollplanet." Is that what Alternia translates to into English? There's like zero discussion at all about troll language because Hussie did not give a single shit about developing this alien society beyond "grey violent humans with horns."

Right out the gate, Karkat's intro leads with his key character trait: his crippling self-loathing. Everything about him, from how he excessively plays up his competence and knowledge to his naturally angry and defensive disposition, stems from the fact that he views himself as a defective freak that constantly needs to prove himself.

His interests are similar to John's. He likes bad movies, specifically romcoms, which ties into his greater passion for romance and the study of interpersonal relationships as a whole. He also has an inexplicable interest in programming. It's at least implied that Karkat only attempts to learn so he can try to compete with Sollux in a futile rivalry. The reason why John likes to program is anyone's guess.

His greatest dream is to join the Alternian military, which is probably the only viable career path for someone of his pariah status. He's constantly in danger of being culled, so he wants to prove to the Empire that he's more valuable to them alive rather than dead. In order to preserve his life, he's willing to serve them and become a tool they can use to further their intergalactic conquests.

"Trolls think fashion is stupid." A simple phrase that is regularly ignored by people who create fantrolls with garish and elaborate outfits.

A good programmer would have no trouble with this modus, so Karkat forces himself to use it until he gets good. Even though it's frustrating and causes him misery, he's so stubborn to prove himself as a good programmer that it reaches the point where Sollux has to take it away from him. Probably because it has become too much of a hindrance. IDK, we never see much of the trolls' session to find out, which is a fucking shame.

Karkat's stubbornness is also a key part of his character. See also: his trolling scheme of trolling John backwards through time is something he admits is stupid, but he continues to go through with it. He will admit he's wrong, often begrudgingly and self-deprecatingly, but will double down and refuse to change course despite that. Giving up is synonymous with failure, something he is deathly afraid of.

If Karkat is so afraid of letting his blood color become known, why does he have candy-red awnings outside his hive? He might as well have a big sign alerting everyone that a mutant lives there.

Everything about Karkat has to be big, flashy, and important. His huge ambitions compensate for his self-loathing so that others don't view him as the worthless mutant he sees himself as. He has to prove that he is a good programmer, he is a strong leader, and he will be the best threshecutioner in the whole military!

This pretty much summarizes what Karkat wants in life: to overcome caste discrimination and gain prestige and respect.

It's tempting to call Will Smith Karkat's "patron black celebrity" but I won't because 1) that whole thing doesn't carry over to the trolls, and 2) this is actually relevant to Karkat's character and not some bizarre, nonsense """joke""" like with the kids.

I've always been a big fan of "angry/uptight guy" and "goofy dumb guy" dynamics, and Karkat and Gamzee fit that to a T. Even though Karkat is extremely rude to Gamzee, he doesn't ever dispute the notion that they are in fact friends. Their friendship is being treated as an established fact, something Karkat uses an excuse to further whinge about how much his life sucks.

Gamzee drops his typing quirk momentarily. This doesn't happen often in the comic, but it's something trolls only ever do when they're close to someone, if they want to express something serious, or both.

Even before the introduction of quadrants, we see hints of a pale dynamic between them. Gamzee is the perfect sounding board for Karkat's vents, doesn't object to the verbal abuse being slung his way, and is implied much later on to be a somewhat of a calming source for Karkat. Yes of course I ship them pale. I just think they're neat, okay? <> :)

Gamzee very inelegantly changes the subject after mentioning Sollux and Karkat's friendship. Karkat may be Gamzee's best friend, but Sollux is Karkat's best friend. That must be a sore spot for him. But beyond this, we never ever see what Sollux and Gamzee's relationship might be like. It would've been nice if Gamzee was more jealous and protective of his best friend/moirail and not like it when Karkat shows more favor to anyone else.

Gamzee and Karkat's dynamic is something that I believe Hussie wanted to set up throughout the Act so that their eventual confrontation would have a bigger payoff, but he fumbled massively with the execution. Either because he doesn't really give a shit about Gamzee, or through sheer inept writing, I can't say. But it sucks because there's definitely a lot of potential here.

They're the first trolls to interact in this new Act, but they don't really ever talk much after this point. They're only ever seen together sporadically and it's implied a handful of times that they're closer than Karkat is willing to let on, but there's never anything beyond that. They really needed to speak more so their relationship could be fleshed out. I'll talk more about this as I move along because this lives in my brain rent-free.

It's really dumb how Gamzee's "rather obscure cult" ended up turning into a religion that pretty much every purple blood follows, but I'm not going to talk about post-canon garbage. I get a headache just thinking about it.

I do like the Joker Card posters in his room. I had that Riddle Box one in my own room for a time.

He likes to "chat a lot" with Karkat. So I guess they just talk to each other way more than what's shown in the text. Thanks, Hussie.

Gamzee never received a proper upbringing from his guardian and had to essentially raise himself. In the process of this, he became addicted to mind-altering substances. To everyone who says Bro is the worst guardian in the story, I gladly point you all to Goat Dad.

Terezi is being intentionally annoying. I know most of the trolls are assholes, but why do any of them waste their time with Terezi when she makes it a point to be obnoxious? It's even more baffling when people try to paint her as one of the more "well-adjusted" trolls.

Karkat fantasizes about making doomsday viruses, huh? I'm going to keep a pin in this for l8r I mean later...

It's funny how Karkat both admires and envies Sollux. Their relationship is also one that doesn't get a lot of attention, despite ostensibly being the "John" and "Dave" parallels of the troll cast. Oh wait, I guess John and Dave's friendship ended up being really shallow and one-sided too. So this tracks, actually.

Sollux disparages Gamzee's religion and expresses disgust when he suspects Karkat might be a convert. So again, I think there's definitely some conflict between these two. Two of the trolls that Karkat is closest to don't seem to like each other. It makes me kind of wish we got some auspistice action between the three of them.

Even though Karkat is regularly rude to his friends, he still values their company deep down. He might be one of the most personable trolls despite his grouchy attitude. He not only tolerates the obnoxious people in his contacts, he actually considers them his close friends. Gamzee is a total dullard and Sollux is crass and moody, but they're also the ones he's closest to. Out of the main cast of trolls, there's only one whom Karkat actively dislikes and makes no real attempt at being sociable with. I'll talk about that when I reach that part.

"Orchestrating the demise of the wicked" yeah I'm sure John was guilty of being very wicked and dastardly when she sent him to his death.

Terezi has a passion for justice, but keep in mind that "justice" on Alternia is equivalent to sentencing people to death for the pettiest of reasons. So no, she is not at all some moral, upstanding heroine. She's a psychotic gremlin who enjoys killing people if they violate her draconian interpretation of the law. She does not care for defending victims of injustice, she enforces the will of the state.

Part of Terezi's core conceit is that she's this half-assed Daredevil parody. She's 1) blind and has super senses 2) uses a cane to fight, and 3) is a "lawyer." Aside from that, she shares nothing else in common with Daredevil. I imagine Hussie does not know anything about superheroes beyond superficial, pop culture knowledge.

I remember when people loved to portray Nepeta and Terezi as good friends, but Terezi doesn't actually like role playing with her. She treats her like a joke, much like everyone else. Poor Nepeta gets such a raw deal.

In Nepeta's very first speaking appearance, we get a glimpse of her horrible relationship with Equius. Despite the physical distance between them, she's so browbeaten into subservience that she feels the need to ask him for "purrmission" before doing anything. She is scared about expressing her honest desires around him, preferring to skirt around the issue and just blindly hoping that things will work out and he won't get mad at her. It feels like someone trying to wear kid gloves around an abusive partner or parent. Despite Terezi's concerns, Nepeta tries to downplay the issue and pretend everything's fine.

This conversation is honestly sad to read. "But nooo they are bestest friends!" I hear the fans cry as they flock around the flanderized, fluffy art of Nepeta and Equius. Is that why she straight up admits that she's scared of him? Fuck Meowrails. I hate that shit so much. I'm going to spit so much acid every time it rears its ugly head.

We have to constantly be reminded of Terezi's blindness since it really doesn't impact her character in a meaningful way. Sure she can't see, but she can navigate the world around her so adeptly with her super senses that it's a non-issue. Nobody would even notice that she's blind if she wasn't always pointing it out.

Eridan is mentioned as being part of this inner circle that's in the know about Sgrub. Huh.

I'm old enough to remember when Eridan had yet to be revealed and the only information about him was this page. Some people thought he'd be some kind of environmental activist. It's funny to think about now, but I really miss the days when fans would theorize about future updates and unseen characters. All that guesswork and theorycrafting led to some really fun discussions and fanworks. The boundless creativity shown by the fans was what made the Homestuck fandom something really special in those days. And it's something we lost once the comic was finished and Hussie's completed product didn't measure up to the fans' expectations.

I really really miss 2010-11, you guys...

I really have to question the logistics of this convoluted reproduction cycle. If the adult trolls are off-world, how long does it take the drones to transport the genetic material back to Alternia? Are they just zipping all across the galaxy to do constant jizz runs?

None of this really matters because as previously established, the main trolls were not born in this manner. They're all slime constructs born from an entirely separate incestuous slurry from natural trolls. I think Hussie just has an obsession with creatures being birthed from goo or something.

One of the biggest problems with Act 5-1 is this rushed tone it has. It's weird to say because I remember how often people complained about how long the Act was taking to wrap up, but it's true! Hussie really wants to zip through these character introductions without elaborating on any of the worldbuilding he touches upon along the way. It's what makes troll society as a whole feel so shallow and not well thought out.

These characters really needed their own story divorced from that of the kids and Sburb. A story where the Alternia setting could be allowed to breathe and be explored more thoroughly and thoughtfully. I think that would've made for a more entertaining read.

Sollux gets this fake-out intro that's basically a retread of Dave's. Aside from being kind of standoffish and tech-savvy, this parallel doesn't go anywhere. There's little else that connects Sollux with Dave because Sollux is hardly a main character. He is the tech guy who has mood swings, doesn't like to be involved with shenanigans, and has visions of doom that make him depressed. He's a glorified background character.

Okay, "beenary code" is kind of a lame pun, but I do think "silicomb" is clever.

Kanaya lives near the ruins of Alternia's frog temple. Both she and Aradia are kind of the "Jade" of the trolls' session. Aradia by means of doing background plot stuff, and Kanaya through... I suppose theming? Both she and Jade are isolated, considered "outliers" in their culture/friend group, receive regular visions from Skaia, and are the teams' Space players.

It's worth noting how both the "Jade" trolls wind up being the most stoic, unflappable characters of the cast and mostly serve the purpose of being exposition-dumpers and plot devices. Kinda like Jade herself, except instead of being deadpan she's quirky and all over the place.

I feel like this post could've been a lot longer, but I'm limiting myself to only five posts for this Act. I don't want to stretch this project out too long, lest I be yapping about the trolls until the end of time.

Read the next post here.

[rwrbficrecs]

June Faves

It’s that time of the month again!! Here’s a few fics I read in June ✨ It’s a bit of a short list for June because I got sucked into a new ship *cough tarlos cough* – but we’re only halfway through this month and I already know July’s post is probably going to be pretty long! Hope you enjoy these as much as I did ❤️

Fall Into You by lucy_in_the_sky I’m a sucker for fics where Henry’s a nurse – combine that with hurt/comfort and I’m there. Alex is a tad clumsy and of course it’s Henry that’s having to deal with patching him up. Also a big fan of Nora’s characterization in this fic! I truly loved this fic so much – definitely one I’ll be coming back to a lot in the future. 

i'd lie by greenandmoss Wow this fic was amazing – I can’t describe how much I loved it. I really felt for Henry in this fic – at times I wanted to shake him so bad, but also I understood where he was coming from. This fic was so beautifully written and was one of those fics that had me thinking about it long after I'd finished 😌

pride is not the word i’m looking for by @livinginrhythm This fic made me realize we’re severely lacking in Leo content. I loved reading something from Leo’s POV and getting more of insight into his character! This is a lovely must read

group therapy by @stutteringpeach This one is hilarious – but it also made me want to sink deep into the ground from second-hand embarrassment. That didn’t stop me from rereading it at least 5 times though 😅

Tell Me All Your Secrets by @everwitch-magiks I have to admit I was apprehensive about reading a fic where Henry dates Liam 😂 but I love everything Evie writes so I knew I was going to love this story regardless of my initial feelings on Henry/Liam. Knowing that it’s Henry/Alex end game was reassuring though, and the progression to that point was very satisfying! (The pining!!) I loved how New York Prite was featured in this fic and seeing Henry & Alex attend was so lovely. 

The Spirit of Giving by @cha-melodius They're neighbours in this fic (which I'm always down for 😂) and I loved how Alex's competitive side really comes out in this! Also fair warning this fic will make you crave some good Mexican food 🥲

and then i was a careless fool (and i fell in love with you) by newmoonrising A canon divergence fic where Henry is still a Prince and Alex is still the First son but make it a Soulmate AU (with a touch of bed sharing)! As someone who loves soulmate fics I don't know how I hadn't discovered this gem sooner ❤️

you took the time to memorize me (my fears, my hopes, my dreams) by @coffeecatsme Alex is a tour guide and I love how their relationship develops even though there’s so much physical distance between them. I didn’t know it was possible but this fic made me hate Mary even more 😩

That's What You Get For Waking Up in Vegas by bleedingballroomfloor Exes to Lovers !! Getting back together!! (at this point I’m just shouting the tags but really this fic was great and you need to read it – also it’s set in Las Vegas c’mon as if that’s not reason enough)

let me take you in by @livinginrhythm This was such a funny story and I love when Henry gets himself into situations that are completely avoidable, but they lead him to Alex so can he really complain? Another story I loved so much I reread it many many times!

Are You Screwing With Me? by @rmd-writes Didn’t know I needed a Grindr meet-cute AU until I read this and it was perfect. While you’re at it, there’s two other stories in this series for two other fandoms !!

(all of me changed like) midnight rain by @coffeecatsme This fic really makes you feel for Alex – it deals with his parents divorce and just wow 🥺

The Sky is Open by @cha-melodius I am often in awe at some of the AU’s authors come up with to dump Henry & Alex in and this was one of them. Unexpected and a very delightful read!

midnight train going anywhere by greenandmoss Loved this fic – Henry & Alex meet on a midnight train and I don’t know what else to say about this fic without spoiling it, so just go read it!  

✨WIP✨

Every Star That's Ever Fallen Knows the Way to Where We're Going by @dracowillhearaboutthis I love Henry & Alex as childhood friends, so following this WIP was a no brainer. Having Arthur alive is also a lovely bonus ❤️

Little Matters by @pridepages I’m loving reading along as this fic gets updated! Henry is the guardian of his niece and it’s such a beautiful story so far 🥺

[brainrotarchive]

‘cause reading is what? fundamental! (15/30)

I’m at the halfway point of my 2024 reading goal so here’s the unserious book review nobody asked for! I’m so proud that I read that many books already despite the all consuming urge to read fanfiction every single day.

The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde: 4/5 ✨

objectively an amazing read I just went through a rough time and didn’t enjoy it the way I could’ve?

The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman: 4/5 🦇

kind of the same problem here but I also didn’t fully get it. I still had a really good time while reading and some scenes seriously shocked me. like sir, this is a children’s book. I was scared.

The Big Reveal by Sasha Velour: 5/5 💅

This was artistry at an insane level and it came to me at exactly the right time. A wonderful read and also beautiful to look at. I got to see the live show as well and it was everything I could’ve wished for and more. knowing this book has changed me. no notes, go read it!

Coraline by Neil Gaiman: 5/5 🪡

do i have to tell anyone that neil ATE with that one? my only issue is that I got really sad because I never read it when I was a kid. groundbreaking, stunning.

Narayama by Shichiro Fukazawa: 3.5/5 ⛰️

very short read and very different to what I’m usually into but I still enjoyed it. interesting read for sure but it didn’t have an impact like some of the others.

If Cats Disappeared From The World by Genki Kawamura: 3.5/5 🐱

It was all in all a fun read, a bit funny a bit sad but sometimes a bit cringey. Don’t want to imagine a world without cats.

Die Physiker by Friedrich Dürrenmatt: 5/5 👨‍🔬

reread this because I love it. the superior german classic, funny, murderous, critical. the best book I was forced to read in highschool.

How Much Land Does A Man Need by Leo Tolstoy: 4/5 💸

interesting, short, anti-capitalist - slay.

This Is How You Lose The Time War by Amal El-Mothar & Max Gladstone: 4/5 ⏰

lesbians in time and space? I live. I will probably read it a second time instead of listen to it as an audio book and savour it more. It’s beautifully written.

The Fall of Icarus by Ovid

impossible to give a star rating for me. It was a nice excerpt from the metamorphoses and a nice literary translation.

Sister Outsider by Audre Lorde: 5/5 🔥

I’m obsessed with this book, I think about her words all the time and can’t stop talking about it. My most stimulating feminist read in a long long time, maybe forever. I will write an essay about this and I’d slither over just to watch this book eat cake.

Lessons by Ian McEwan: 3.5/5 🎹

I finished it today and I was trying to get through it since march. my rating might change but it didn’t have to be that long. Ian McEwan is my nemesis ever since I read nutshell. his style is good and i can’t deny that but his mind is twisted. I found some of the themes in the book fascinating but overall I think a book about a man’s life will just never actually speak to me personally. I’m very conflicted because despite all that it did trigger some thinking and during some scenes I was invested.

Rubinrot/Saphirblau/Smaragdgrün by Kerstin Gier: 💎

no star rating because I will never be able to look past the obsessive love I felt for this book series when I was 10 years old. kerstin but crack for my brain in between these pages. Revisiting the story brought me so much joy and I was mothering my inner child. sadness is temporary, enemies to lovers time travel romance is forever. go read your childhood favourites, it’s so much fun!

feel free to recommend books for the second half of the year and fight me if you want.

[lastlymatt]

You make very good points comparing book and tv Alex, thanks for replying to my ask! I clearly have not reread the books in a while so I should go do that :)

And you are very right about tv!Alex being naive. Yes, I felt he was more mature than book!Alex in the way he presents himself generally, and maybe this is partly due to his appearance on screen vs what I used to envision of book!Alex. But you are right that a lot of his actions and decisions are very naive.

Going to scorpia knowing it's a literal terrorist organization and not only not wanting to kill anyone but not even trying to pretend he's into it so that he could go in undercover? He's lucky Yassen had his back or he'd be so dead.

There were many moments in the show where I did go, 'Alex, come on,' when he was doing something stupid. But maybe I have rose tinted glasses on or expect little, because I love the show enough that I'm like, 'okay they have low budget, I get that they can't film everything, I can look past this plot point/plot armor/lazy writing because I know they don't have the time/budget for everything.' But hey, again, maybe I should have higher expectations anyway haha.

Like having Tom and Kyra somehow so easily show up on Malagosto and do surveillance without getting caught. The department leaving the flash drive in the computer for no reason. Alex getting into Mrs. Jones' apartment so easily, and conveniently having no earpiece so that Yassen couldn't hear what happened?

I spotted all of that and the rest, but let it go. I think I am just so glad we have this show that I'll take what we get 😅

It makes complete sense to assume that TV!Alex is more mature than book!Alex! TV!Alex isn't as sassy as his book counterpart and mostly comes across as calmer and more mature. This might also have something to do with the fact that we don't get to hear Alex's thoughts like we do in the books.

Yes, he is incredibly lucky Yassen had his back; otherwise, I'm not sure what TV!Nile would've done to him (Nile is another character who is very different from his book counterpart, but someone else I believe already talked about that)

Believe me, I utterly adore this show! It made so many improvements on the original material, which is also why I think it's important to point out the parts where it stumbled. Those are also often the bits that generate interesting discussions. But also, those faults can be explained very often with a little suspension of disbelief.

And yeah, I can absolutely see those things as faults, but it's also not very fun when Scorpia has all the cards and knows how to block their plans perfectly. Scorpia needs weaknesses that can be exploited! An all-powerful organisation that makes no mistakes is honestly boring and no fun.

Some of these things make sense if you consider that Scorpia, specifically Julia, feels complacent and overconfident. They managed to make the world believe that they were dead and gone while they continued to work in the shadows. Why would they worry so much about guarding one of their hard-to-reach training facilities against two untrained teenagers?

Also, it's nice to show off that Alex isn't the only one with skills since the TV series so heavily emphasises the importance of friends, family, and teamwork.

I fully agree with you about the flash drive issue. They tried to excuse it later but come on, you should be more paranoid than that!

Alex getting into Mrs Jones' apartment so easily is almost exactly like it went in the book (as far as I remember), so that is on Ahorz. And Alex can have a little competence as a treat before his breakdown 🙃

I honestly hadn't considered the idea of Yassen giving him an earpiece! I think it would've been caught by the metal detector, maybe? But this can also be chalked up to Yassen trusting his boy.

So yeah, it may have its issues, but I also genuinely believe it is one of the better adaptations I've seen in a very long time despite the many changes, and I couldn't be happier with what we got!

[butterflydm]

wot reread: the gathering storm (prologue - chapter 6)

spoilers through the gathering storm.

Okay, here we go. Ready to head into the last three books. My own memory of reading these books should not necessarily be trusted, lol, as I have learned with my reread as a whole and how different many of my opinions & beliefs are from what they were before. Some things were confirmed for me (yep, Tuon was a huge waste of potential) but other things were contradicted (nope, Mat is not a Bad Friend like he gets represented by much of fandom, but has been incredibly loyal throughout the series, even after Rand kinda starts being an asshole to him). So this will be interesting for me, to see how much I may have remembered or forgotten.

1. So this first section of the prologue seems mostly about setting up the Bad Vibes that are coming with the Last Battle. A farmer in the Borderlands sees strange clouds, has a vision, and decides it’s time to turn his scythe into a weapon (along with other people around him). I assume this is Rand being unwittingly ta’veren at people en masse, inspiring them to head north to help with the Last Battle (though that begs... several questions).

2. *sigh* Once again, we are all about being inside the slavers’ heads and not caring about the slaves. Next PoV section is a sul’dam. I am just... tired of sul’dam at this point. Okay, anyway, they’re freaking out because their damane have been shielded by Rand. This is apparently an extension of Rand’s ending scene in KoD, from the PoV of one of the sul’dam of that battle, because she talks about Rand losing his hand and then “picking it up like a glove”. I’m gonna try to get past my now-instinctive annoyance with all things Seanchan and see if I can figure out the purpose of this scene.

3. “The promise of freedom might be part of some scheme” seems like such a twisted line to put into the mouth of a slaver, just saying. “Freedom” for her but not for the women that she views as tools and pets.

4. Again it is so frustrating that Nynaeve doesn’t spill the sul’dam secret here, just like it was frustrating at the end of Knife of Dreams! She wants to heal the injured damane, she hates that Rand is sending them back into slavery, so why is she giving a helping hand to the Seanchan Empire by not spilling the damn sul’dam secret to the Dragon Reborn? And the sul’dam likely wouldn’t even believe her, at least not now, so it’s not like the actual scene would change that much! (but Rand would believe her and then maybe he would have some options) Jordan was stacking the deck as hard in favor of the Seanchan as possible and he also just HATED anyone sharing useful information with Rand ever, at any time.

5. Yeah, this scene was definitely written by Jordan because I’m getting just as pissed off about Rand’s storyline as I was at the end of Knife of Dreams, lol. I feel like I could have guessed this scene was by Jordan even if I didn’t already know, because I am so annoyed at Nynaeve carrying around the Idiot Ball of protesting against Rand’s decision but not giving him any reasons to make a different one, even though SHE KNOWS THINGS that he doesn’t know. This is definitely Jordan’s CoT/KoD energy. Just. Talk to Rand. About the actionable information that you have! Rather than refusing because Women Only Talk About Important Things To Women and Men Only Talk About Important Things To Men. I am hitting you with a pillow in my head, Nynaeve. Please know that.

6. ...what the actual fuck. Rand is completely letting the Seanchan off the hook for being terrible and blaming everything on Semirhage (”I rest more easily, now”). What the fuck? They are still SLAVERS, Rand. Anyway, he talks here about how he MUST have peace which... I’ve talked about this before but giving Rand this attitude kinda completely nullifies any plot need for Mat to marry Tuon. Rand is already prepared to roll over for the Seanchan, with no need for a marriage tie to convince him. The Mat-Tuon marriage is just so completely pointless in every possible way, because Rand was willing to bend regardless and ready to hand Tuon the keys to the kingdom, essentially.

7. ...have I mentioned recently that I really hate the direction that Jordan decided to go with the Seanchan in CoT & KoD? Man, it was such an intense and interesting storyline with fascinating (though horrific) throughlines all the way through Winter’s Heart, and then Jordan salted the cake instead of using sugar and now the whole storyline is just... inedible and deserves nothing but being tossed in the trash.

8. On the plus side, the sul’dam doesn’t think about the male a’dam even once, so it’s possible that Semirhage actually DID duplicate them herself and Rand was able to confiscate her entire stash, leaving none for Slaver Overlord back in Ebou Dar. On the minus side... everything else in this scene.

9. Oh, it’s Tylee. Perrin’s slaver BFF and the person that he sold 200+ women to. If you’ll recall from Knife of Dreams, he’s chill that she’s a slaver because she was nice to him personally and helped him out, so he didn’t care about what she might be doing to anyone else because slavery is just too hard to fight, y’all. Perrin Aybara: moral integrity of swiss cheese. Anyway, it’s been two weeks, Tylee’s missing her BFF and hoping she doesn’t have to face him across a battlefield later on; echoes of Mat & Tuon lol. Oh, yeah, and the hauntings that Elayne & her people were experiencing in Knife of Dreams (I think) are affecting the Seanchan now too. It is a little funny that, because of when they landed, Tylee & lots of the Seanchan just think that the Westlands is a place where food rots really really quickly, not knowing that it’s the Dark One’s touch.

10. Oh, nice the Seanchan army gets attacked by Trollocs! Sweet move by the Dark One. I approve. This is like when the gholam killed Tylin. I can’t imagine why I would possibly be upset that the invading slaver army is getting killed off by the ‘bad guys’. Theory time: before Jordan decided to go all-in on alliances, turning the Seanchan army into chaos makes sense as to where he was potentially planning to go with them, at least for me? We’ve seen the results of a complete breakdown of society among the Aiel, and seeing that begin among the Seanchan as a result of the sul’dam secret being openly revealed would have a great deal of sense as a plotline, and it would have taken them out of the equation so that Rand wasn’t fighting battles on two fronts. There’s not really any need for the Seanchan troops to bolster the Westland troops in the Last Battle -- the Dark One literally only has as many people/Shadowspawn fighting on its side as the author decides. That’s a completely flexible number.

idk idk, it’s hard to say where Jordan was planning to go with the plotline originally except it feels like he radically changed his mind between Winter’s Heart and Crossroads of Twilight.

11. Checking in with Graendal. Let’s see... her deal was that she was sowing chaos by sending very bad orders to Ituralde by pretending they were from his king, and then Moridin snatched her up and said she had to work for him now. This section essentially works as a catch-up on the Plot Thus Far from the Forsaken’s point of view. Okay, the purpose of the Forsaken gathering is that Mesaana and Demandred want to rescue Semirhage from Rand. Demandred seems to care more about getting to Lews Therin/Rand than actually saving Semirhage, though. Anyway, Moridin is pissed off (his hand hurts lol) and tells them that they are absolutely NOT to rescue Semirhage under any circumstances. After Mesaana and Demandred leave, he lets Graendal know that Rand is going to Arad Doman and that she must make certain that he does not establish peace there (but don’t hurt him or kill him).

12. Oh, nice, Ituralde pulled a reverse Trojan Horse on the Seanchan army that was going after him. (this is the... northern front of the Seanchan? The northwestern front?) Though, honestly, it’s almost frustrating to see him still doing so well when I know his PASSIONATE AND SINCERE DEFENSE OF HIS HOME ends up getting cut off at the knees because We Must Ally With The Slavers At All Costs. I bet if someone told Ituralde about the sul’dam secret, he’d have been able to do something useful with it.

13. Sanderson gets rid of the first of many dangling plot threads by having Faile unceremoniously kill Masema rather than dragging that story out any longer. Good for her, etc. Done and dusted. I do have to laugh a little bit about Faile telling everyone not to tell Perrin, because Perrin can sell two hundred women into slavery but isn’t willing to kill a man who has created a murderous cult (despite being fully willing to kill people at other times). I mean, that does track with how he behaved in the last few books.

14. And now we are out of the prologue and into the main story, starting with a Rand PoV. We pick up with him in Arad Doman, where he can feel that Aviendha is getting closer. I find it... somewhat sad that this section here is the first time we’ve really gotten Rand thinking in depth on the bonding, at least from what I recall. Elayne bonded Rand with the three of them back in Winter’s Heart and we NEVER got Rand’s emotional reaction to that (or his emotional reaction to sleeping with Elayne!). He notes their worry and thinks that he can’t regret letting them bond him, even though he should. And he thinks about how he’s ‘using’ Min here, which is a very interesting tie-in (for me) to his regrets about ‘using’ Mat back in The Fires of Heaven (Min has sometimes superficially felt like “a Mat that Rand is allowed to sleep with” at times, in terms of how she’s been treated in the story -- lots of knives, has protested they aren’t a hero, treated as an emotional connection to Rand’s past, though that feels a lot more honest for Mat than Min). In terms of the “Min forcing herself into a pleasing mold for Rand” watch, we learn that she’s recently taken to bathing with lavender soaps. Rand notes that he finds it somewhat odd that Min dresses up her trousers & shirts with lace... which is hilarious, because she’s literally only doing it for him and his internal thought on it is “???”. Hey, Min. Maybe if you. Maybe if you had a conversation with Rand about your relationship, you’d find out that he liked you just fine the way you were, before you started making yourself miserable and dolling yourself up for him every day. Just a thought.

15. It’s so hilarious that Min manages to sound jealous when talking about how Rand is thinking about Semirhage, the Forsaken who is currently his prisoner. She’s got a gift. “You’re thinking about her again.” I would have respected Min so much more as a character if she’d just shanked Semirhage herself and then dealt with the fallout of how that affected her relationship with Rand. Honestly, what is the point of all her hidden knives if NOT to kill someone unexpectedly. But Min is very much a reactive/passive character when it comes to plot beats, so she just worries uselessly instead and damsels around the place.

16. He takes a moment to think about Elayne and what he can sense of her emotions from this far away -- he thinks that she’s relieved, which makes him hope that she’s won the throne, or closer to it. Okay, at this point in time, Rand is thinking about how he needs to make a truce with the Seanchan for the Last Battle but “after that, the Light could burn them all”. So Rand isn’t currently operating under any kind of belief at this point that the Seanchan aren’t worth fighting. He actually.. and I’m curious if this is from Jordan’s notes or if this bit was pre-written or if it’s all Sanderson, because I don’t think Jordan ever has Rand think about this clearly in the earlier books, but here it’s clear that the reason Rand believes full-bore that he MUST have peace with the Seanchan is because of what the ‘Finn told him (honestly, between this and Mat’s marriage prophecy, the ‘Finn carried a lot of water for the Seanchan -- I guess we shouldn’t be surprised that 'Finn, some of whom wear human skin, are fans of slavers, lol). That does make his choice here more understandable -- Rand has been prophecy-obsessed for books -- but it still means that Mat’s marriage is completely pointless from a narrative or tactical standpoint, lol. I wonder if that’s why Jordan decided to go for a ~romance~ angle for Mat? Because he realized that he’d voided out the narrative and tactical reasons, but the prophecy was already out there in the text, so he kinda had to figure out a new angle?

17. Hey. Hey, Min. You also know the sul’dam secret. You’ve been hanging out with Rand since Lord of Chaos and banging him since A Crown of Swords, and are really the one person who has most intimately witnessed how incredibly difficult this entire war against the Seanchan has been for him and how he’s failed at trying to stop them... could you maybe give him some useful information between all the sex? Maybe take a break from telling Rand’s secrets to Cadsuane and tell the Seanchan’s secrets to Rand instead. Just a thought.

18. Next up is Egwene, and serving Elaida this night at dinner. Ah, the first sentence is a reminder of all the corporal punishment that happens at the White Tower. And we can’t even blame this on Elaida, because the White Tower was like this before, and back twenty years ago in New Spring. And the Wise Ones are like this too. This was very much a Jordan thing (likely carried over from how he ‘learned’ at the Citadel). Note that even Egwene doesn’t think that beating your students is actually a bad thing in any way. She sees herself still crying when she gets beaten as a personal weakness that she needs to train out of herself, but thinks that Silviana is just ~doing her duty~ when she beats people to the point of tears.

19. Egwene is doing her best to point out the dissent and cracks that already exist in the Tower as a result of Elaida’s leadership, and feels like she’s getting through to people. Egwene is still getting forkroot every day, and almost always has two Red Ajah Sisters as ~guards~, specifically Katerine and Barasine, it sounds like, who are part of the group who captured her originally. Egwene has also been doing what she can to remind the Tower of Elaida’s ‘failures’ (like not successfully capturing Rand, and the failure of her force that was sent to subdue to the Black Tower). We also learn that the Dark One’s touch is increasing here too, with hallways shifting locations and now an actual tapestry changing to be more violent and bloody. Egwene has learned the wisdom of not stretching herself too thin - “ You scrubbed a floor clean by first picking a single spot and getting to work”.

20. As Egwene is arriving Elaida’s quarters, a ‘haunted’ Gray Sister is leaving. Is this the ‘ferret’ sent from Salidar who got commandered by the Black Ajah hunters and blackmailed into honeytrapping Elaida?

21. lol, the Amrylin’s quarters that Egwene imagines that Siuan must have had sound way more ~spy-focused~ than I remember Siuan’s quarters actually being. She had the one box that was set to destroy important papers if anyone else opened it, I think, and then just simple furnishings for the rest.

22. Egwene being certain that she would have taken Green (which is also the Ajah she pretended to be in Cairhien) -- honestly, would not pick that Ajah for her and it really feels like it’s left-over from Jordan basically deciding that Green is the Liking Men Ajah and Red is the Hating Men Ajah and everyone else is chopped liver, lol. Egwene just does not vibe Green for me at all! Brown for love of learning, White for finding legal loopholes, or Blue for ~vibes~ and dedicating herself to a cause all seem like they would suit her better. But she wants to marry the man she’d like to take as a Warder so... Green it is.

23. Oh, yeah, the Gray sister is Meidani, and Egwene recognizes her name as belonging to one of the ‘ferrets’, and Egwene is here to be Elaida’s server at her dinner date with poor Meidani, who deserved better than being blackmailed into spending time with Elaida. Egwene notes that Meidani looks terrified! (does Elaida not notice Meidani’s fear because she’s self-centered or does she enjoy it because she’s sadistic? the question of the hour. Ah, soon answered. She’s enjoying Meidani’s fear).

24. When Meidani mentions that some Sisters are worrying over the Seanchan (a worry that Elaida dismisses), we get a vivid reminder from Egwene’s memories of how hellish her experience with the Seanchan was and how monstrous they are to women who can channel -- she STILL gets PTSD flashbacks from her time in the collar and has not-too-deeply-buried trauma from it. I genuinely wish I could go back in time and get Jordan to answer some pointed questions about what the POINT of all this was? It’s so weird to me that the ‘boys’ and the ‘girls’ are being given such RADICALLY different vibes in their respective Seanchan-related interactions, starting in Crossroads of Twilight (Mat’s vibes with them are pretty horror-based in Winter’s Heart). Was it meant to be a critique on how so-called ‘good’ people are actually sometimes willing to support evil as long as the evil doesn’t hit close enough to home? But the evil SHOULD have been hitting close enough to home, at least for Rand and Mat, because Mat and Rand both care deeply about specific women who can channel! Mat grew up with Egwene & Nynaeve; he had a whole book about becoming friends with Elayne; he knows that his little sister can channel! Rand is literally IN LOVE with two women who can channel! Just... ???

25. Egwene blames Elaida here for everything that’s gone wrong and... eh. Elaida IS a bad leader but she was put into place as an unwitting puppet by the Black Ajah (so she foils/mirrors both Egwene and Rand -- Rand worries a lot in the early books that he will be turned into a puppet, and Egwene was raised to Amyrlin Seat with the intention of being used as a puppet), so removing Elaida might help a bit, but removing the Black Ajah would help more.

26. I like Egwene’s moment with Meidani here a lot -- she reassures her, gives her something solid to stand on to give her a bit of courage, validates the trauma that Meidani has undergone during her time back in the White Tower. This is a really good little moment here, that shows Egwene as a genuinely good leader. And I also like Egwene using deep breathing to help herself calm her own anger.

27. Serving Elaida at dinner has changed Egwene’s focus -- it’s more important (in her PoV) to keep her attention on holding the Tower together rather than removing Elaida from power, as she believes that Elaida will overreach and remove herself from power. I mean, again... I kinda gotta give Egwene an “eh” on this analysis too. Elaida has been able to force a LOT of things into being that go against Tower custom, so I’m not so sure as Egwene is that she would eventually just go ‘too far’ and get pulled down by the Hall.

28. It’s interesting to me that Rand laughing in the box during Lord of Chaos was meant to mark an internal ‘breaking’ point for him & LTT but Egwene laughing while being beaten is meant to mark an internal ‘breakthrough’ (in a positive way). Honestly not sure what it means in the narrative tbh. It’s positioned here as Egwene finally understanding what embracing pain means (as the Aiel say to do).

29. We go from Egwene Thinking Like An Aiel (TM) to an Aviendha chapter. Aw, it’s sweet that Aviendha is trying to see the Domani refugees from Elayne’s perspective and not just her own. We also once again here have the vibe of Rand-Elayne-Aviendha being one complete relationship (with Rand-Min being a completely separate relationship). That’s really the vibe that Rafe needs to break down in order to make the four-person relationship not feel like a harem. Because here, Aviendha thinks about how she plans to marry Rand with Elayne and doesn’t spare a single thought for Min (and why would she, tbh? she’s met Min ONCE). But it’s just so weird that there’s a narrative expectation that Aviendha and Elayne need to be close and be first-sisters in order to both be with Rand, but Min can do whatever and is never touched by the limits or cultural rules that bind other people or even by Rand’s own protectiveness. Min doesn’t need to be Aviendha’s first-sister; Min doesn’t fall under the category of “avoid her to protect her”. That contributes both to the harem vibes of Min being a completely separate relationship, and also to the vibes of Min being a plot device instead of a character that other people might actually interact with and have expectations about.

30. Honestly, this whole song-and-dance about how Aviendha can’t approach Rand until she ~earns honor~ just feels kinda silly. Rand, Aviendha, Elayne, and Min all CONFESSED THEIR LOVE and BONDED. She is INSIDE HIS HEAD. It’s just plain silly that she’s been moved into Rand’s plotline and proceeds to completely avoid him (and equally silly that Rand just passively allows Aviendha to avoid him while having sex with Min every night... sadly, it’s completely in character for Min to jealously hoard Rand. So far, Min has had one moment of selflessness in this entire relationship and, even then, she ended up being the person who has benefited the most from bonding Rand). This is a place where I do think that Jordan might have written things differently, simply because it makes zero sense to send Rand, Aviendha, & Min all to Arad Doman if it’s not to actually forge together that specific neglected side of the relationship. Aviendha and Min should be bonding! Rand and Aviendha should be spending time together (including sex! Aviendha doesn’t have hang-ups about sex before marriage and now things are good with Elayne, so it should be go time). Aviendha going to the place where Rand is only to not hang out with Rand at all is... just a bizarre narrative choice (especially when we get to The Event later on; at that point it’s ridiculous that Aviendha wouldn’t come running).

31. Okay, as the Aiel approach the place where Rand is, Amys... sort of grills Aviendha, and we get this weird “Min will be easy to work with/we will reach accommodation” conversation where they feel more like they’re going to be business partners than sharing in a romantic relationship with the same person. Again, yeah, it’s just so weird that Min exists in this odd bubble all on her own. Aviendha believed that she and Elayne NEEDED to be first-sisters in order to share Rand, but Min is just... idk, going to be over there somewhere, I guess. I do like Aviendha’s semi-annoyed thoughts that she loves Rand because of HER choice, not because of Min’s viewing. This is a major reason why I like Aviendha’s relationship with Rand more than Min’s with Rand. Min-Rand (and, of course, Mat-Tuon) is very much “prophecy first and then force the love to happen by brainwashing yourself into it because you don’t think you have a choice” and I’m... not into that vibe, essentially.

32. I like the actual tone and vibe of Aviendha’s PoV here -- I just feel like it should have been followed up with actual Rand-Aviendha interactions in this book. This PoV itself actually vibes really well with Egwene’s last PoV and I definitely see why they decided to place them next to each other.

33. Oh, hey, @markantonys - I’m at your boy’s first PoV chapter in this book! lol, anyway, Gawyn is watching some of the... rebels’ army? It sounds like. I’m pretty sure he has zero clue that Egwene has been captured by the White Tower. Pretty sure he’s on an information diet. Gawyn does know that the general he’s faced against here is Gareth Bryne. Gawyn is struggling with his duty. Gawyn really is... he kinda is one of the purest examples of someone who is actually faced with what we’re constantly told Rand is bringing to everyone everywhere -- the emotional turmoil and chaos amid breaking old ties and forging new ones. Because Gawyn thinks here that Bryne ‘should’ be with Elayne in Caemlyn, then immediately asks himself, well, where should I be?

34. This actually continues the theme from Egwene through Aviendha and now to Gawyn -- so far, we’ve had a series of characters considering themselves, their duty, their honor, and their strengths. Questioning the foundations of what they know about themselves. Egwene ‘finds’ herself through embracing pain and dedicating herself to her duty; Aviendha wonders why the Wise Ones treat her as if she has no honor; Gawyn thinks here -- he wasn’t certain he had duty, or honor, left to him.

35. Anyway, I’m glad that Gawyn has slowed down enough to give himself a chance to actually, um. Think. His duty is to Elayne and Egwene, he thinks here, so why is he on the side that is opposed to them? SUCH a good question, Gawyn. He’s thinking through why Elaida might have put him here, outside the city, when his Younglings can’t possibly actually make a dent in the rebels’ army. The gears in his head are turning! Genuinely, I am very pleased, lol. Will of the Amrylin or not, this was a deathtrap. Argh, no, after all that thinking and questioning, he rides back to his camp. GAWYN. YOU WERE SO CLOSE.

36. Rand next. “What he wanted no longer mattered.” Hmm. Rand is thinking about this in the context of how he is constantly surrounded by Aes Sedai these days but. Hmm. Rand thinks about Mat, as you do, and is given a vision of Mat dicing. Rand hopes that they will be reunited soon. I am stabbing the narrative with shearing scissors.

37. So, Rand is currently hanging out with Bashere. Whose wife was almost killed recently. And who then agreed to talk to a mysterious person because his wife almost died. I’m just putting that out there.

38. I genuinely loved Rand’s conversation with Harine here. It felt like it had give-and-take, though we can see how Rand is definitely on the edge of exhaustion and impatient, and it’s nice to have a Sea Folk character who is actually having a conversation with someone instead of just trying to browbeat them. He asks her how the Atha’an Miere handle men who can channel and then (when he finds out that, unsurprisingly, it’s a death sentence, either immediate or somewhat lingering) tries to talk to her about saidin being clean now and how that means that the way people treat male channelers needs to be changed. Literally! Why did it take so long for any conversations about this to happen in the books? Why was Rand just lazing around for two books post-cleansing when he could have been doing PR like this? Again, yeah, I really like this conversation! He believes he’s going to die at Shayol Ghul, so he’s not doing this for himself. He’s doing this for the other men who are like him, and all the ones who will follow. This is a really good moment. And we can see the turmoil (and the LTT memories!) in Rand in this moment, as he tries to convince her that saidin is clean and that more men don’t need to die to protect the world (just him). And it feels like we’re really getting into his head so far, re: LTT’s memories and him thinking about the bonding earlier.

39. Literally this chapter of Rand’s PoV has been TUGGING at my HEARTSTRINGS. Rand worrying that his death will lead to destruction and turmoil among the nations because he’s strung them so tightly together! Regretting that he didn’t help the world during the last breaking because he was so consumed by what he’d done and his grief and guilt over Ilyena! Rand worried about men who can channel still facing hatred and death sentences! Rand talking with Elza (lol) and Corele about the taint being gone and yet people not acting as if it is and Corele being frank and honest but also KIND with him. And we ARE still on theme from the previous three chapters -- duty is heavier than a mountain. Rand thinks here about how duty binds him as tightly as prophecy does. And Rand’s thoughts here on wanting to leave the world a better place very much echo Egwene’s thoughts on how she wants to focus on holding the White Tower together and rebuilding it rather than being arrow-focused on bringing down Elaida. Your duty is to the future and not the past.

40. I don’t care about Semirhage’s interrogation by Cadsuane because Semirhage should have just been killed at the end of Knife of Dreams. Things in the section that I DO care about -- how is Merise and Narishma’s relationship as Aes Sedai & bonded Asha’man going? Oooh, Cadsuane feels like Merise is ~flaunting~ having an Asha’man Warder. Going well, then? Seems to be going well enough.

41. See, I do like Ituralde’s PoV sections but... they should have been Mat’s. MAT should be the main general/soldier PoV that we see. Mat should never have been yeeted off into the Seanchan storyline; it’s just been so ill-fitting and annoying, and Jordan had to introduce a new PoV character just to give us the “war sucks” kind of storyline that Mat’s memories and situation were literally invented to give us. Mat just... every time he leaves a storyline, he leaves such big holes that require MULTIPLE people to try to patch up and fill. When he left Rand, he needed to be replaced by both Bashere and Min. When he left Elayne, there was a whole completely random army and ~dashing commander~ who showed up who had never been mentioned before to fill the spot in her plotline that would have been better suited to Mat & the Band. And Mat should have been the general fighting AGAINST the Seanchan and coming up with clever tactics against them, not the court jester capering for the slaver overlord’s disdainful amusement. Endless, ENDLESS sighs over the direction that Jordan decided to go with Mat’s plotline.

42. “Abandoning ones’ homeland to invaders... well, Ituralde couldn’t do that. Not even if the fight was impossible to win.” Honor and duty, even onto death. The theme continues. The note here, “the ravens had begun” (their work of eating the carrion of the battlefield) - perhaps is the reason that Jordan decided to make the Seanchan’s main symbol the same as the Shadow’s - the Prince of Ravens is the prince of the butcher’s bill after a battle (which possibly also leads into another name). 

(to borrow the question Gawyn asked himself -- where is YOUR honor, Mat? where is your duty? It’s not in the arms of the woman who invaded your homeland, despises your friends, would enslave your family. Cords of duty and prophecy but, while in Rand’s case, both prophecy and duty drag him towards Shayol Ghul, in Mat’s case, they each pull in opposite directions. Duty, loyalty, and honor say that he should be by Rand’s side during the Last Battle. Prophecy demands he abandon his homeland to allow it to be ripped apart by the ravens. So, Mat, why does your prophecy ask that you abandon duty, loyalty and honor... and why do you allow yourself to follow that prophecy when it tells you to sacrifice everything to the blood-soaked avatar of war and death? where is your duty, Mat Cauthon?)

43. lol, I feel like this bit here with Leane and Egwene is Sanderson poking at one of Jordan’s oddities/kinks -- “Odd, how a novice to be instructed could be beaten but a prisoner to be interrogated could not.” IT REALLY IS, Sanderson. It really is. (I mean, it could be Jordan poking fun at himself but. It kinda vibes like someone else) Anyway, the Weird Relocations caused by the Dark One are increasing. That’s the main thing in this section.

Notes for this section: it’s confirmed in Sanderson’s retrospective that the first two parts of the prologue -- the farmer and the sul’dam -- were written by Jordan.

[obaewankenope]

I have recently come across your fanfic series Absconding with Harry verse and I am enjoying it immensely! I don't know if you plan to continue it, if not the story has been so enjoyable and loved every minute of it!

You're a fantastic writer and hope to see where it takes you!

Oh hey there nonnie! *waves*

I'm really glad you've been ending the Absconding with Harry Verse and I can assure you I do plan to continue with it! I've had a lot happen in my life in the last two years (almost) and it's dramatically affected everything in my life. A lot of my time now is centred on the little terror Bean I have to raise (for Reasons™) and then responsibilities that come with a child on top of the ones I already had. Because of that, a lot of the time and energy I used to have to fic writing has been... Repurposed? Yeah, repurposed fits.

The terror Bean will soon be starting nursery and I'm hoping that will give me some breathing room on top of everything else that's been changing and disrupting my life and fic writing. I have notes on the whole AwHv that I have to go back through, the other parts of the series I have to reread because I've had so much on my mind these past two years that a lot of the stuff I need to remember is sort of locked in dusty old mental filing cabinets and the key has definitely been chewed beyond recognition by a terrorising toddler who acts like a teenager in rebellion mode!

Anyway, this is all to say, I am coming back to AwHv and I plan to go through and complete the whole HP series with our Ineffables involved with it. I just... Have to get to the point where I can, ya know, actually sit down long enough to do that lol.

If I'm lucky, I might be able to write some little things for Christmas in the series because I actually want to do that and have something up before 2025 begins. So, yeah, hopefully you'll have something to look forward to nonnie 😁

[iviarellereads]

My reasons for reading the Wheel of Time

Are you unsure about reading the Wheel of Time? Whether or not you read along with my blog project (explainer here and WOT link index here), this post may be for you!

If you don't want any spoilers before experiencing it yourself, I will just say: watch the first two seasons of the TV show, first. The adaptation changes a lot of the details, but the show is taking elements Robert Jordan wrote 30 years ago, more than a generation removed from today's sensibilities, and he changed his mind on a lot of things as he went on. Rafe Judkins is doing an incredible job of adapting to accommodate changing sensibilities/expectations, a change in medium, and the things RJ didn't decide to make part of his world until later books.

If you don't mind some light expectation-setting spoilers, I'm going to lay out why I love the Wheel of Time, some reasons to pick back up and/or keep going with the series if you ever started and fell off, as well as content notes by way of the downsides so you know what you're getting into.

I can't say whether any of my cons will be dealbreakers for you, or if the pros will make it worth the cons for any individual reader. All I can say is, knowing the bad, I still reread this series because it was worth it for me, and a lot of folks like me agree. If you don't think you can do it, full respect, hopefully I'll see you when I take breaks from this series. 🫡

My rationale

This is probably one of the dearest stories to my heart, and the one that I started refining this format with. I've been in this fandom for almost 15 years, and I wouldn't trade… well, maybe a second of it, but not much.

One of the most chunky fantasy series that exists, the Wheel of Time was begun in the late 1980s by Robert Jordan. When he passed in 2007, his wife and editor chose Brandon Sanderson to complete what they thought would be the final book (but ended up being three books) series with the help of extensive notes he left behind about his intentions for the story.

Even though it's over 30 years old, and there have been active discussion communities on just about all the social interactive platforms you can think of in that time, the Wheel of Time lacks a lot of spoiler-free resources. There are a couple of attempts to make spoiler-free wikis, but they just can't ever quite compare to the full-spoiler ones. There are Discord servers with first-time-reader channels, but not a lot of options for double checking what's safe to say at any given point for full-readers, OR ways for first-time readers to double check information, like if they think they misheard something, without asking and potentially getting spoiled by someone who misinterprets.

So, besides having keyword searchable notes for myself, my ultimate purpose in creating my notes in the first place is to help folks who haven't read the books, to have access to that sort of summary without having to search and get major later-plot spoilers. And since that led to everything else that led to this blog, I think it's only appropriate that I do, eventually, revise my notes and post them here.

I will probably be taking breaks between books. Most of the books in this series have 40, even 50+ chapters. I've already gone and entered it in my Google calendar for tracking (are you really surprised I do that?) and the first book will take me two and a half months to cover, all by itself, though the chapters only average out to ~15 pages each. We're going to be here at least 3 years, and with breaks between more like 4 or 5. Even so, I think it's right for me to do this one more time.

The Pros:

WIDE cast of characters, including women who get their own deep personalities, motivations, and arcs. Women are often in compare-and-contrast mirrors to men's similar experiences happening in parallel, and only rarely rewards or prizes to be won. (Caveat: even some people who have read the series may scoff at this one, but part of my efforts will be to help make the subtextual things a little more noticeable, because a LOT of character is in the subtext in these books because of the close-third unreliable narrator effect. It's fair to interpret them more shallowly, hell I used to, but then I started looking deeper and found so much more than I expected.)

Setup, foreshadowing, and payoff. Many plot seeds are planted, nurtured, and harvested at perfect ripeness. RJ was a conoisseur of foreshadowing in the subtext, text, and supertext of the story, and when each was most appropriate. Many of the old web rings, forums, and fan sites are long, long dead, but I can attest that this series does some absolutely incredible work with giving readers plenty of information to theorycraft widely and wildly. One particularly (in)famous mystery lasted 8 books across 17 years, and that's not even the longest one, just the easiest for us to point at.

Rarely introducing a new character where an old one will do. While there are over 2700 named characters, a lot of comparable stories would have near doubled that to tell this much story. It's really fun to see names pop back up in unexpected places, and track people who don't get POVs across the world as they say hello from different places and nudge the background plot along.

Evil is no simple thing. It's kind of a spoiler, yes, but I think it's fair when you look at the landscape in which it was written, and if we have a different standard today, it's due in no small part to the Wheel of Time's influence. The 80s and 90s in the fantasy corner of the publishing industry were not bastions of moral complexity. The Wheel of Time has the big literal supernatural capital-e Evil, and the humans who sign on to support it for their myriad reasons, but there are also multiple acknowledged human evils in opposition to it. The heroes and villains get a similar treatment of depth. Some people are nearer to the unquestioned poles of Good or Evil, but your fave is probably a war criminal at some point either way. This story goes on for 14 books plus a prequel, and that sort of simplicity doesn't inspire the sort of deep fandom these have. Nobody is as shallow as they seem at first glance, and most long-time fans have faves in the Light, the Dark, and everywhere in between.

Unreliable narration means there's a LOT more to this series than a surface reading indicates. There's a lot to the surface reading, and there's nothing wrong with it, unless you count "you don't really, fully understand a lot of the characters until you understand the discrepancies between their thoughts and their actions". My first reading was completely superficial and I still had a blast. But my second, and third? Especially after interacting with more of the fandom and honing my skills at media analysis, there's SO much more there to discover. Hopefully this read will help surface-readers get a bit more of the deep understanding, and if your surface reading previously felt unsatisfying or left you hating a lot of the characters, maybe this will help you better appreciate what's going on.

The Cons:

The sexism and gender binary. Gonna level with you, there's a lot of very heteronormative and gender essentialist vibes in here. It's cis binary genders only (with a singular terrible exception we'll deal with when we get to, but know that it's coming and it's handled pretty dreadfully even though you could give it a more charitable reading if you wanted to) and no matter the country or culture they're from, women and men each have very strange ideas about what the other gender is about. Robert Jordan was a US Southern cishet baby boomer Vietnam veteran, he almost certainly had some really unhinged ideas about gender relations. (Why it's not as much a con: two reasons. First, see unreliable narration above. Second, I think that one of the themes that really gets missed by a lot, a LOT of readers is that imposing binaries divides and weakens us. I will be exploring this whenever I remember that it's relevant to talk about and you may get real sick of it by the end. But, I think a lot of RJ's writing in this direction was intentionally drawing attention to how destructive it is. It's just never really stated out loud, it's once again in the subtext, and it doesn't always land the way I think he hoped. I promise, I will have the citations to back up my assertion by the end.)

Queerness: none good. There's one sweet sapphic relationship which is relegated to "gay until graduation" status at what amounts to a girls only boarding school, and never spoken of again except as friendship. In the encyclopedias, the characters in it are explicitly defined as straight. There are several lifelong lesbians who are explicitly one or the other of the kinds of evil. There's the one singular bad trans rep character. After the Sanderson portions start, there's one man who's said to be gay. RJ maintained in interviews that of course gay people existed, the story just wasn't any of theirs, which still burns me. (The show is making this MUCH better. I genuinely had faith in Rafe Judkins's adaptation after something he does in season 1 in this vein, and I have zero problem adding a little queer goggle view to all the interactions.)

We go six books where sexual assault is barely a concern, then get a handful of them all back to back in one book, with a few more sprinkled through afterward. There's a particularly troubling one against a male main character that a lot of the fandom doesn't even acknowledge as having happened. I'm not even gonna try to defend this, it's inexcusable, and if I'd known, I might not have read it, even if it's one of my favourite stories today. (Hashtag Please Fix It In The Show Rafe Judkins.)

The start is rough. The first book is very much a Lord of the Rings homage, where RJ hopes you'll see the places he diverges and stay along for the ride as he defies the standard fantasy outline of his day. The "come play with me in this space" of it means there are a number of potentially really interesting things that are just abandoned and never mentioned again, in alongside the things that were refined along the way. I won't always point these out because spoilers, but it's good to be prepared for some level of disappointment that the thing you want to see explored, isn't. (And hey, you can always explore it in fanfiction!)

And the series remained a work in progress to the end. RJ always thought he was just two or three books from done, ever since book 3. He wrote book 11 believing there would be just one more after it, but after his passing, his wife/editor Harriet McDougal, Brandon Sanderson, and the rest of what we call "Team Jordan" decided there was no way to fit what was in his notes into a single book, so they split it into the final three (books 12-14). So, sometimes things will feel like they're hurtling toward a destination that you know, from the rest of the stack, has to be several books off for a satisfying arc of it. Alls I can say is, at least we know the series has an end that it seems most people who reached it found fairly satisfying.

Adjacent to this, The Slog. There's a plot slowdown in the middle, not unlike the "middle of a trilogy" problem but it goes on for, at least for some readers and by some reckoning, 6 of the 14 books. Readers who like a fairly dry focus on politics and subtle character interaction more than plot will find this less painful. Readers like myself who need a plot to keep us hooked and moving forward will feel like the series drags its wheels in the mud for a couple thousand pages. This is anecdotally where a lot of readers quit the series, and they often cite this as a main reason. I can promise you the ending is worth the Slog to get there, if you're like me. But, my notes go from over 100 pages in Google Docs for book 4, to 57 for book 5, and just 12 pages for book 10, if you want a comparison of how thin the plot gets. (A lot of long-time readers will try to gaslight me about this, because they come out of the woodwork every time it comes up, and I'm telling you now: that's a great way to get blocked, because I have the receipts. I'm not saying the slog exists as a moral judgement against it or anyone who likes it. I'm literally just stating provable fact that the plot slows down and at least this reader feels it really hard.)

[jj-shubert-writes]

Exciting Announcement!

*Which will only probably be significant to myself

I have made the vainglorious, selfish, spendthrift, and naively overoptimistic decision to get prints of the Rat Race Chronicles.

Some background information:

I wrote 7 novels averaging about 200k words each over the course of my teenage years because that's what happens when you give a young fellow a laptop with parental restrictions. Highly recommended.

They are TRASH. I was NOT one of the magical 14-year-olds worldly enough to make wise commentary about the state of society. It's a sci-fi YA series about criminal teenagers in a secret country who are in the fight of their lives for no good reason, complete with outdated references, implicit biases, unquestioned worldviews, problematic behavior, bad science, and way too many characters.

I made the mistake of trying to get the first two books published and worked with a vanity press before I realized my mistake. I lost thousands of dollars and saw almost none of it back. It was bar none the worst financial decision I have ever made.

All that being said, I still care about it. It was what my original blog was based on, and it was how I made writer friends a long time ago, and a lot of people liked the janky stories, and I think the ideas have merit. They were just executed poorly. By a stress-addled teenager with no internet access.

I want to completely rewrite the entire thing some day. Cuz I guess I'm a masochist or something.

But I have printed copies of all the other first drafts of my novels. It's always felt like a loose end that I don't have copies of the RRC.

The planned solution:

I am going to reread the entirety of the Rat Race Chronicles.

I will lightly proofread for obvious mistakes and things that make me gag, but I will keep as much of the original bullshit intact as possible.

I will share highlights on the blog here! I'll try to be more active on Tumblr again.

I'm going to format and print the seven books with the self-made covers I low-key love.

Then, once I have the originals lovingly preserved, I will have the headspace to mercilessly tear them apart and restructure everything in a way slightly more fitting of the skills I've refined over the last 10+ years. I've already got that started. Most of what's changed so far seems to be the writing itself, not so much the ideas...heaven help me, maybe I can cut a few characters and plot points.

IDK maybe publish a second edition of everything 60 years from now, who knows.

TLDR: Stay tuned, because the Ancient Texts are about to see daylight once more!

[hanako-san]

Hello Are you okay? I've been following you for a while, and I really like your opinions and theories about Hanako-kun. I wanted to share some thoughts I have about the series.

These last few days I've been rereading and rewatching the anime, I was trying to understand Tsukasa's logic after his kiss with Nene (although my first impression was that he did it to trap Hanako) Aidairo has never been so predictable, but neither I believe he will prefer to indulge in the love triangle cliché.

Anyway, I'm not here to talk specifically about the Tsunene kiss, but one of the things that caught my attention when I rewatched the anime and the manga was that when Nene summons Hanako, he says that her desires have a price, ok, we know that, however, he tells her that he got 2 wishes. One of these wishes had the payment for Nene to become Hanako's assistant, but what about the payment for the first wish?

She longed for someone to love, specifically Teru, but when she couldn't, he offered her the "bond" along with the mermaid's curse. The curse happens to everyone who eats her scales, so I don't consider this to have been payment for Hanako, so much so that he doesn't allow the mermaid to come and get her. So I was wondering, what was the payment for Nene's first wish? I imagine Hanako caught her "love." That's because he says that this bond would be the same thing she wanted, someone's love. Maybe I'm wrong, but I thought it was interesting that no one talked about this. Hanako seems to have decided that Yashiro would be his the moment they met, so much so that Hakoujoudai purposely gave her the mermaid's scales. What do you think about this?

I'm sorry if the question was a little long, I still have something to share besides that.

I saw in some places people saying that they are curious about what Hanako's boundary would be like, but she has already appeared in the manga and anime, see, when Nene is sucked into the mirror she ends up in a bathroom too, with water on the floor and many shadows of "hands" on the walls, like those that frequently appear near Tsukasa in the playroom. The air also feels thick and gloomy. When Mitsuba takes Yashiro out, we see the number 7 above the door, indicating that that was Hanako's boundary. I'm surprised that Hanako didn't think about the possibility of Nene being in her own boundary, perhaps because he didn't know exactly the objective of number 3, or that in fact it wasn't number 3's boundary that gave access to Hanako's, but rather Mistuba who had this ability to travel across boundaries.

What do you think?

Hey, I'm fine. Thanks for asking, and you? so I did an analysis about it once if you want to read it here If you want me to add something to this topic, let me know ^^ I'm really glad to hear that, you like my opinions and analyzes 😊

Honestly, I think that initially he wanted to use her power for a different purpose, but he fell in love and changed it. I say this because earlier he said that he was looking for the assistant, knowing that she would die, so he must have had a different purpose, but everything changed when he fell in love.

I don't understand why you say that Hanako would have decided at that moment that yashiro would be his when she forced items on him to get what she wants, which is the bond with teru. Hanako took out everything he had and threw it away, not caring what he threw away, and wanted to give Yashiro the Kokeshi doll. yashiro threw it out the window. Nene picked it

She swallowed the mermaid scale herself and it didn't matter that Haku pointed it out. She did it consciously and Hanako wanted to stop her, but she is so obsessed that she doesn't listen and considers herself wronged because Hanako lied to her, who had to take a price for love and wanted to avoid using more power because the greater the wish and power, the greater the price.

he didn't want to give her back she summoned him and he didn't fulfill her wish, as he told the mermaid to wait but she didn't want to, so he used force. Yashiro also didn't want to go with the mermaid, so he protected her too. This is his duty. Yashiro was his 'client' and the person he was supposed to take care of when she was threatened by the supernatural because yashiro is studnet as well. and he is supposed to protect the students. yashiro was now in danger because of her own stupidity. He only saved her.

Why should this prove his decision, because he was ready to leave her twice so that she could live. If he had such a goal of from the beginning, he would let her die. He is fighting for her to live, which would mean their separation, and for him the most important thing is her life and that she lives, if he wanted it otherwise, he would do everything to make her die without caring about her life. He decided to leave her in a false world, he went against his own rules so that she could live. It was wrong what he did, I admit, I don't support it, with Aoi as well but he was willing to do it FOR HER, knowing what he wanted to do and knowing that she would forget about him but it shows that he is ready to do anything to save her life.

But let's say it's like you said. Of course, if he wanted to frame Yashiro because he needed her, he really didn't have to do anything. Yashiro is so stupid that she did it despite his warnings. Either way, she decided her own fate, it was she who connected herself with the supernatural world in order to have bond with teru that was equal to love for her.

Can you really look at it the other way too? Not everything Hanako does is his responsibility for her actions. yashiro also takes responsibility for her own actions that she has to face. Either way, he did it intentionally or not. He warned her and ran towards her to take her scale, but she just held it in her mouth and after his warning, she swallowed it. She would do anything to have a boyfriend, she might even be cursed. If he had any plans honestly, why would he play cat and mouse? He could have given the shell right away and she would have been cursed, but he wanted to avoid this, knowing that she would have to pay a higher price for his services, so he chose the safer option. She makes her own decisions and pays for her own mistakes, just like each of us. She is no exception.

And it may turn out that he did it on purpose. I don't care and I will blame her because he didn't force her to do anything, he wanted to stop her. She was the one who decided to do it. No one else but her. Despite his warnings. Sometimes you pay heavily for your stupidity and your own decisions, and that's what happened to her. It was his duty to protect her, he protected her where she didn't want to go.

Truly despite my feelings. I know when it's her fault and when it's not, so I'm not prejudiced by my feelings for her. I really don't have a problem with it.

-

Border. You could see it reflected in the mirrors and I don't think it's surprising, because the border no. 3 is located in toilet no. 7. The mirrors are territory no.3 so the borders are connected to each other.

You can reach border no. 3 through yako and it is also in the shape of a mirror, and they got there by using the mirrors. Mirrors are a passage, so it is not surprising that the border no.7 was visible in hell's mirrors, because it was the inversion of his border, but still, the entire border wasn't shown.

What I mean is that mirrors won't show the whole thing, we don't know what the border might look like only from the outside or the end/middle, it depends on its location. The mirror will only reflect the part in which it is placed, not the whole thing. This part could even be a transition to its deeper border on the side of the mirrors. I guess. School boundaries have passages through which you can reach other boundaries. But they may also have other connections, such as Yako and the Minamoto temple. I think that border no.7 works the same way as Yako and is related not only to the border of mirrors, but also maybe to the red house?

Maybe a bit off topic, but I believe that everything we've seen so far is related. Like when yashiro disappeared and was kidnapped by this strange thing, and under the red house there were ghosts of girls, so the house must have stood on the place where the minamoto family sacrificed girls and were also a gateway to the world of the supernatural

this is an interesting topic.

Tsukasa kiss is not romantic. know about it. He needs her to destroy the yorishiros, knowing that she wouldn't want it, so he made a deal with her that he knew that she would lose. He kissed her because he wanted to use her skills. I am aware of that, but I always leave myself two or more options so as not to be surprised, and with AidaIro I can expect anything

Thanks for the asking.

[magicalyaku]

Why is it April already? Where did my time go??? (Answer: My friend and I had a big convention (artist alley) in March and even after 10 years of doing this we still haven't learned to start early with our preparations, so it was crunch time! (And if you want to know, the con was okayish. We didn't sell as many prints as we had hoped but a bunch of books, and that felt pretty good.). Don't ask me something like in which order I read these book, because I have no idea, but I do remember reading them, so here we go.

Into the Glittering Dark (Kelley York): So what if I was lured in by the cover??! The illustration is done by Magdalena Pagowska who's also responsible for Dark Rise and some Captive Prince editions. But just like with Dark Rise it was eventually the summary that convinced me. It's an adventure with magic and two young man tangled up in it (and also with each other). Count me in! Now, this is probably the kind of book where you can find all sorts of weak points if you're looking for them, I will not. I was entertained. It did a lot of things that I like. It's written in third person, for instance, and uses that to its benefit by showing how the different people fare at different locations and times. That just doesn't happen often anymore in the sort of books I currently read, so it feels like good old times. Yes, sometimes it's enfuriating when it switches locations between the chapters when you just want to find out what's going on with the characters from that one. But that's the kind of sweet suffering I grew up with. It's not a top tier book, but nonetheless I enjoyed the writing, the characters and the world. There's lots of death and killing, yes, it calls itself a dark fantasy after all. But it's not as cruel as that one other book that I recently read and don't want to talk about again. :'D The amount of romance was also just right for my taste. (And I like what the author has to say about that in the afterword). Also, there's a bird.

The Prince of Nowhere (Rochelle Hassan): While waiting for the author's latest book The Summer Queen to arrive, I decided to read her first one. It's a middle grade fantasy and it's really good! The world starts out really interesting with that village surrounded by fog, the heroine getting mysterious predictions about the future, and an arrogant bird boy. It's kind of slow in the beginning but once it gets going …oh boy. I don't think I can say anything about it without spoiling all the fun. It's a mind-bending topic done well and I loved how it played out, the implications, the ending! I'm always saying how I wish middle grade books would be smarter and more challenging and this is definitely one of the smarter ones. I'm so looking forward to The Summer Queen now and the author's next middle grade series that starts in September.

Little Black Bird (Anna Kirchner): How many books with birds do i have on my TBR? Hehehe. Actually, I wanted to finally read the second volume of this series, but one look inside told me, I better reread volume 1. :'D It was a favourite of mine in 2022 and it's still good, I think. I don't feel like looking up, what I wrote about it back then, if any, but my thoughts haven't change much I dare say. The story is set in a Polish town and it feels so European. So much like home, I love it. There are really nice descriptions of the houses and neighbourhoods, the kids go by tram and walk along the river. And I don't know, it just feels like a place I know and that's nice. The protagonists are also pretty good, the heroine, Wiktoria, does not annoy me, her bond-mate Artur is a really sweet boy, both of them are aspec questioning. And there's a giant adventure going on around involving old slavic magic. It's really interesting. My only gripe would be the timeline. Everything happens in just a few days which left me confused sometimes. Minor details. I should mention, though, that there's at least two editions of the book and I read the old one with the other cover and I don't know if anything between these editions changed.

Tall White Tenement (Little Black Bird 2) (Anna Kirchner): While I loved the first volume easily, this is more difficult. A lot of things happened, but I can hardly tell you any of them. Everything was small steps, and always 3 steps forward and 2 backwards. And while there was logic behind all actions, many turned out futile in the end, which was a bit frustrating. Some of them, like the devil summoning, also might have benefitted from a little more impact. Overall, I still do like the story. Shit's getting really rough towards the end, so the third volume will probably be fun again. There's more demons and a new important character, who's pretty cool. There's also parenting of a baby dragon which I didn't like very much … Personally, I just hate it when people call me "cat mum" or my cats my kids. My mom is their mom and my cats are my siblings, thank you very much. So now, there's a book with a not-annoying aspec girl heroine and suddenly she's a pet mum and I'm just here suffering quietly. xD Anyway, there are developments on the aspec front for some of the questioning characters which was nice and highly anticipated. The shape of Wiktoria's and Artur's relationship is a major point after all. It just felt a little heavy on the author's voice. Oh well. The series does have a good foundation, the execution of this volume just stumbles a bit and doesn't reach as high where it wants to go in my opinion. It's still engaging and I'm looking forward to the next volume. Also, the author had a give away back when the book came out and I received some postcards, stickers and bookmarks with really nice illustrations. Thank you for those. <3

Tadek and the Princess (The Mahisti Dynasty novella) (Alexandra Rowland): Aw. Just aww. When I found out that the author has a new book coming out in summer I got strangely excited, because while I really liked A Taste of Gold and Iron, it never crossed my mind to go back to her older books (there are a few), so why is the new one different? xD (The pirates maybe. The promise of Adventure.) Anyway, alongside the news for that one, I also found the one about Tadek, and well, he was my favourite character of A Taste of Gold and Iron (surprisingly), so I had to read it, right? And damn, it's sweet. It alternates between the present (after the end of the main book) and the past of Tadek as a child and his path to his current position. Again, it's so sweet. So full of love. I think the word for that specific kind of love is Agape? The love for something higher that oneself. (Do correct me if I'm wrong.) It made me feel like "Ah, there's good people in this world after all".

Tales of the High Court Short Story Collection (Megan Derr): What the title says. If you like the Tales of the High Court series, you'll probably like this collection (if you don't already know the individual stories as all of them were previously published online.) There's a lot of Sarrica, some Allen, some Lesto. Basically, lot's of the characters I like and less of those I don't care much for. :'D I really like the world of these stories, so it was nice to return to it. As for the presentation … you can't tell me, all of these stories were published previously and then have so many errors right in the early ones. >_< (There's half a sentence missing at one point …) I hope, that get's fixed soon. Other than that, I enjoyed reading this collection!

That's it! The wrap up for March is going to be short. When the theme this time was birds and sequels, the next one will be ... ghosts and ballet. 8D

[nehswritesstuffs]

fly little seagull, the world awaits - Part 1 of 4

If you had told me this time last year that I would be this attached to these characters after a series reread/catchup session (with a more developed fangirl palate and sense of storymaking compared to when I was forced to drop), I would have seriously laughed hysterically at you.

While this is 7423 words to start, I’m breaking it up into bits so as to not murder everyone’s eyeballs; starts vaguely in the beginning of the timeskip; I’m mostly sticking to canon events here but there will be some deviations so be warned I guess; do I have other fics? Yes but you’re getting this one instead

fly little seagull, the world awaits; Bepo finds something on a morning walk that brings massive change to the Polar Tang. [7423 words; Heart Pirates’ Accidental Child Acquisition AU]

According to the Heart Pirates, life was good.

They had honestly one of the coolest ships on the Grand Line: an underwater-going vessel called the Polar Tang. They had each other, which was pretty neat considering they all got on like close, on-great-terms, siblings. They had their captain, who was just given the title of Shichibukai, meaning that they basically got a free card to do whatever the fuck they wanted. Rad ship? Great comrades? A fucking newly-minted Warlord for their secretly-nerdy captain? What more could they possibly, truly, fathomably, want?

So when Bepo said that he found a cool addition for the ship while out on the island, everyone was understandably confused.

“Is it the new intercom system I’ve been asking for?” Ikkaku asked, pointing at Bepo with her fork. All the Hearts save for Law—who was passed out from studying all night—and the currently beaming Mink were sitting around in the mess hall eating breakfast. “You know how the den dens like to crawl off.”

“Nope! It’s even better!”

“New pots and pans?” Penguin asked.

“Nope!”

“Air freshener that actually works?”

“Even better!”

“Air conditioning that actually works?

“Even better-better!”

“I think you got us, Bepo,” Hakugan said. “What did you find?”

“A cub!”

The mess hall went silent.

“You found a… you found… found…” Uni kept on trying to complete his sentence, yet couldn’t. “What the fuck?”

“Let me show you!” Bepo said. He plodded over towards the bunkroom, followed by the remainder of the crew, and plucked a pile of blankets from his bunk—the only one unmade.

There, in his arms, was a sleeping little kid. A Human kid. At least, it looked Human underneath all the dirt and grime…

“Oh, fuck, Bepo kidnapped a child,” Shachi grimaced. Bepo tilted his head curiously.

“It followed me,” he claimed. “I asked around on the island, and no one’s missing, so the cub’s ours now!”

“Its parents are going to kill us,” Penguin said. “Our captain is going to kill us.”

“It’s just a little thing… I thought it could be our mascot.”

“You’re already kind of the mascot by virtue of being the fuzziest,” Clione reminded him. He looked at the sleeping kid and raised an eyebrow. “Does it at least have a name?”

“It didn’t say, sorry.”

“At least have the decency to ask the kid its name first before you kidnap it,” Ikkaku frowned.

“I didn’t kidnap it!”

“We really should tell the captain so this can get straightened out,” Jean Bart said. Bepo shivered.

“…and wake him up?! No, not yet! Let him get up on his own! He’ll be less cranky that way! Then maybe we can keep it!”

“Keep what…?”

Everyone froze and turned towards the bunkroom door—there was Law, holding his favorite Sora, Warrior of the Sea mug filled with coffee. He took one look at the bundle in Bepo’s arms, sipped his drink, and walked away.

Oh… fuck.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Needless to say, Law was a bit livid once he woke up enough for his brain processes to function. It took everything in his power to not dice everyone into tiny pieces so that they could think about why they would even entertain the notion of keeping a child aboard, let alone actively bring one on, and he instead stomped off towards the small village on the island they were moored at in order to talk with whomever the fuck was in charge.

Except, the thing was, no one was missing a child. In fact, no one had ever seen the wee foundling before.

“Okay kid, start talking,” he ordered. He was back on the Tang, arms folded across his chest as he stood across the table from the child, who was now awake and eating cookies in Bepo’s lap. It had understandably panicked when it first woke up, but now that it knew it was safe, the only things it was biting was chocolate chips and baked oatmeal. “Where are your parents?”

“I don’t know,” it squeaked. “We were sailing, but there was a storm.”

“What’s your name?”

“Nauja.”

“Then, Nauja-ya, why didn’t you tell anyone on the island you were there?”

“I was doing fine.”

Law stared at the child; judging by her severely matted hair and filthy clothes that didn’t quite fit anymore and the way she was inhaling the oatmeal cookies, she had been doing exactly the opposite. It did not take a medical degree to see that she was experiencing cases of dehydration and malnutrition brought on by mild starvation—all it took to know was surviving. He pinched the bridge of his nose and groaned. “How old are you?”

“Six.”

“Worse than I thought.” He shot a glare at Penguin and Shachi, who were hiding in the kitchen. “…and you just let him bring this kid aboard?”

“We didn’t know until she was here,” Shachi defended.

“All we were doing was having a decent breakfast for once!” Penguin added. He saw how happy Bepo was with the kid and his heart could barely handle it. “It’s all Bepo’s fault!”

“Sorry; the cub was following me when I was taking a walk before breakfast,” the Mink claimed. “I thought it looked cold, so I brought it in here.”

“We don’t call six-year-old girls ‘cubs’,” Law explained. “I thought you would have figured out by now that Humans don’t have cubs… they have kids.”

“You aren’t going to leave her on the island, are you?” Bepo asked. “No one will know what to do with her!”

“Actually, they will know everything to do with her,” Law replied frankly. “Do you know how to take care of a Human child?”

“I can learn! Besides, we can take her to her parents! It can be fun!”

“The bear’s determined!” Ikkaku shouted from the corridor. Without looking, Law activated a Room and transported the offending mechanic to Bepo’s side, making her swallow hard.

“Thank you for volunteering to clean her up,” he said.

“Why me?!”

“…because you are literally the only other girl on the ship, even if generally aged-out of the descriptor,” Law said. Ikkaku opened her mouth to protest, thought about it, then closed her mouth again. Fuck. “In the meantime, we’ll be discussing what to do with her.” He narrowed his eyes at Bepo, who looked as though he wanted to cry.

“C’mon, kid,” Ikkaku said. “Auntie Ikka���s gonna get you cleaned up and looking a bit more like a kid and less a wild animal.” She plucked the girl from Bepo’s lap and placed her on the floor, holding her hand as she led her from the mess hall.

Sooner she could get the kid away from ground zero, the better off everyone was going to be in the end.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Later on, after Nauja was bathed and Bepo was thoroughly reamed-out, Ikkaku carried the towel-clad small child into the infirmary, where Law was waiting with his mug refilled with coffee and an opened book on pediatrics. He saw Nauja and raised his eyebrow as the child-towel lump was placed on the main examination table.

“Where’s her hair?”

“It didn’t cooperate, so I got rid of it,” Ikkaku shrugged. She looked again at the impromptu pixie-cut she had to fake and reassured herself that it wasn’t bad. “It was a real mess—matted in place while still braided and filled with gunk—there was nothing I could do to get it clean.”

“How long were you out there by yourself, kid?” Law asked through his coffee. The girl pouted.

“My name is Nauja!”

“Okay; how long were you out there by yourself, Nauja-ya?”

“Oh… I dunno.”

“A week? A month? A season…?”

The little girl shrugged as Ikkaku shoved one of Law’s old t-shirts on her. It was monstrously big to the point it nearly fell off her shoulders, but it was at least something. “I dunno.”

“Can you swim?”

“Why…?”

“Just answer the question.” Ikkaku rolled her eyes at him—his bedside manner was terse at best for adults, so this made sense.

“Well, yeah, of course I can swim.”

“Any allergies? Things you’re not allowed to have?”

“Uhh… pudding…? But that’s only if I don’t eat the rest of my dinner first.”

“Any times you sneeze or get itchy? Like after you smell flowers or touch a pet or eat certain foods?”

“No…? Should I…?”

“Ideally, no, but it’s important to know if you do.”

Nauja thought about that for a moment before allowing herself to flop backwards onto the examination table. Law took another deep gulp from his mug—this was already fucking exhausting.

“Okay then,” he scowled. “Do you know where you live?”

“With Granny and Granddad—we’re on the top floor and they’re on the bottom.”

“…and this house is where…?”

“An island.”

“Well, of course you live on an island, but which one?”

“It was far away,” the child said. “We were on the boat for a long time before the storm came. Mom and  Dad said we weren’t far from where we were going.”

“Where were you going?”

“My aunt and uncle’s house.”

“…and where is that?”

“…another island.”

“Have you been there before?”

“Nope!” Nauja grinned widely, making Law’s eyelid twitch and Ikkaku stifle a giggle. “But we had to go over this BIG rock! Mom said that it’s so big that the train can’t even go over it!”

Ikkaku and Law glanced at one another. The train? That meant…

“So you live on the other side of the Grand Line? Over the Red Line? In Paradise?”

“I guess…?” She began to roll around on the table, falling off. Law put her back with his Devil Fruit powers; he was clearly unamused.

“Please tell Bepo that his foundling needs us to backtrack.” He grabbed the pediatrics book and placed it open on the table next to Nauja. “In the meantime, I’ll make sure she’s medically stable enough for such a journey.”

“Captain, we just got to the New World. You want to go back now that we made it?”

“We have an easier time of it than anyone outside of Fish-men,” he reasoned, “and there aren’t exactly many Marines I’d trust a kid with, even with my privileges. We can at least get her to her grandparents while charting alternate routes to and from Fish-man Island; she’d just get dumped in an orphanage otherwise.”

“Whatever you say,” Ikkaku shrugged. She watched as Law looked from the diagram to the little girl’s face, concentration set in his resting-bitchface. Thank goodness he wasn’t scaring the kid, or else things were going to be very different.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Adjusting to Nauja being on the ship was… interesting.

She had only been on the Polar Tang for a few hours and it was already a struggle to get everyone to their daily tasks. When she wasn’t wandering around, she was asking an innumerable amount of questions, disrupting pretty much everyone’s day at one point or another. She was passed off from crewmate to crewmate, eventually landing with Bepo, who kept her on the top deck as they sailed back towards the Red Line.

“This is frankly embarrassing,” Shachi frowned. He and Penguin were also on the top deck, watching Bepo play with Nauja. “We are not going to get any action with that around.”

“I thought women like kids?”

“Yeah, but maintaining that kid is going to be the troublesome part. We have her all the way to the Sea Train Zone—what the fuck do we do until then?”

“Leave the kid with Bepo and Ikkaku?”

“Penguin, listen to yourself. We leave her with Ikkaku for longer than half an hour and she’s going to end up with even less hair and gear grease everywhere.”

“…and Bepo…?” Penguin grimaced as he watched his best friend ponder that. “She’d just develop an allergy to him, wouldn’t she?”

“Knowing our luck? You know she would.”

Both men nodded in commiseration at their imagined fate. As they did, Clione came atop deck, a newspaper in his hand.

“Well, my contact in Pucci is doing a little bit of digging while we’re en route,” he offered. “Uni’s looked through all the old newspapers we have in the archive for the past three months and there’s nothing about a family of three going missing during a storm.”

“Would they even cover that?” Penguin scoffed.

“Well, yeah,” Clione shrugged, “if they were rich enough.” He held out the paper and the other two looked: there, on the page the paper was opened to, was a small, grainy photo of a family. It was clearly not Nauja’s family, as it looked like the youngest of the three kids was about ten years old. “They got caught in something in the New World on the way to Dressrosa and it took being a literal billionaire for their faces to get on page eight. If Nauja’s normal as we think… I dunno.”

“Fuck… it’s a worse disaster than we thought,” Shachi groaned. “We’re definitely stuck with her.”

“At least for a little while.” Clione watched as Bepo tossed Nauja into the air and caught her in a fit of giggles. “Isn’t the captain risking, you know, everything getting this kid back? It doesn’t seem like him.”

“Yeah,” Penguin sighed. “It makes sense though.”

“How…?”

“Kids are your best non-Bepo bet at finding a soft spot for him—especially if they remind him of kids he used to know when he was just a tyke himself.” Penguin settled back in his chair and adjusted his hat so that it blocked the sun from his face. “Who knows? Maybe she reminds him of his little sister.”

“He has a sister?”

“Legend has it,” Shachi scoffed. “I’m sure you can guess what happened to her.”

“Ouch,” Clione grimaced. He saw Nauja decide to sit on Bepo’s shoulders like a perch, bringing a small frown to his face. “…and going back is the only way?”

“Not like we can get out of her where they were going,” Penguin replied. “The best lead we have is that she lives in the STZ. If her grandparents are there, then we’re off the hook, and you can’t ignore the potential of alternate routes in and out of the Red Line and Fish-man Island’s influence, especially since we’re not that far removed.”

“True… I just don’t know if this is really going to do us much good.”

“Relax,” Shachi assured. “The only worry we should have is if they make boiler suits in her size.”

“…you can’t be serious.”

“Weirder shit’s happened.” Clione looked to Penguin for backup, the other man staying silent under his hat. “The fact he agreed to take her back is a good indication that, should things go a certain way, we might have a communal kid.”

Clione grimaced. “Twenty dads and one mom… poor thing.”

“Eh,” Shachi shrugged, “she might turn out half-decent with Jean Bart for a mom. Time’ll tell.”

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Later that evening, after dinner and overnight duties had been assigned, Law sat hunched over his desk as he nursed some tea and attempted reading the dusty pediatrics textbook further. While he was generally comfortable with the treatment and general conditions involving adult bodies, he had no idea about ones that were still developing. Children themselves were… okay, he guessed, but there was so much to them he didn’t understand. Their individual growth rates alone were enough to make his head spin, let alone all the extra things that they needed or lacked or simply had for no reason. He was so engrossed in the book that he didn’t hear the knock on his cabin door, only noticing someone was there when Ikkaku led Nauja inside.

“…what is this?”

“Do you really want her in the bunkroom?” the mechanic frowned. While the sight of him bent over his studies like a goblin possessing several doctorates wasn’t new to her, she really wished he would act more normal while they had company. “We don’t have private guest quarters and Jean Bart is still having night terrors. She’s going to have to stay with you.”

“She will not; Bepo brought her, so he can bunk with her.”

“You’re the only one with a private room.”

“This was not part of the plan.”

“It’s only until we get her back to her family,” she reminded him. Law looked at Nauja, who grinned happily at him.

“Fine—one toe out of line and you’re sleeping with farts and screaming all night.”

“Yay!” Nauja scurried into the room and climbed into Law’s bed, where she settled down underneath the blanket. She took the large, squishy plush fish from atop the pillow and hugged it aggressively without so much as asking permission.

“Goodnight,” Ikkaku smirked. She went back to the bunkroom, leaving the new roommates to their devices. Law turned off the overhead light and switched his desk lamp on, darkening the room considerably.

“I still have reading to do,” he explained. “You go to sleep, alright?”

“Don’t you need sleeps too?”

“Not as much—I’ll join you later.”

“Okay! Goodnight!” The child allowed him to tuck her in and he went back to his book. The text was admittedly dryer than normal, which really was saying something, and before long, his tea was cold and he was beginning to feel the day’s events hanging over him.

Fuck… what was he going to do…? He ran his fingers through his hair before dragging his hands down his face. He was a Warlord now—he was at the Government’s beck and fucking call—and there was nothing on his ship for a small child to do, let alone anywhere for one to simply exist. The sooner he could drop her off the better, even though the pessimist in him was telling him otherwise. Touching the worn, faded photos on the wall in front of him, he thought about the only people whose advice he wanted to ask… whose answers he was never going to hear.

‘Lami, what do six-year-old girls like to do other than go to festivals?’ he wondered silently. ‘Moeder, how do I handle such a ball of energy? Vader, what happens when she asks a question I don’t know the answer for? Cora-san, how do you go about taking care of a kid that isn’t even really yours to care about?

‘How much trouble am I really in?’

Only silence met him, as expected.

What he would give to ask just one of them a single question… he ached to think of it.

Knowing his mind was not going to soak in any new information, Law resigned himself to sleep. He clicked off the desk lamp and nearly rolled into his bed. With the stuffed toy between them, he stared at the child in the faint moonlight, wondering what it was she was dreaming about so peacefully.

Trafalgar D. Water Law closed his eyes and dreamt of happier days.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Waking up with the stuffed fish in his arms, Law at first wondered if the prior day had been a dream. He hugged it tight and opened his eyes, only for his thoughts to be spoiled by a note stuck to the wall via a magnet.

Got the cub.

It looked close enough to Bepo’s handwriting that Law didn’t even really care anymore. Fuck, he was so damn tired… it was such a good thing they weren’t too far into the New World, or their proposed route wouldn’t even be a consideration. After a piss in his closet of a toilet, he shuffled out into the rest of the ship, wondering how it was so quiet in the afternoon. He eventually found everyone in the mess hall, clapping politely as Nauja spun atop a table… showing off a new dress…?

“What did I miss?” he groaned.

“We… uh… might have stopped at an island for a quick shopping run a couple hours ago when you were sleeping…” Shachi admitted, scratching the back of his head. “Didn’t think it was right for her to be wearing nothing but old t-shirts.”

“Are we still at this island?”

“Nope!” Nauja beamed. “The Pose already reset! We didn’t want you to worry!”

“There was nothing that could stop them,” Uni claimed, holding out Law’s coffee-filled mug. The captain accepted it, taking a large gulp to steel himself against whatever nonsense was soon to come.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Hakugan was honestly minding his own business when he felt a tiny tug on the hem of his sleeve. It was a gorgeous day as he was on the top deck tending to the rigging, letting the cool ocean air cut through his boilersuit and ruffle his hair as he checked its stability in relation to the steering apparatuses. His attention was caught by the crew’s wee guest, who was looking up at him with wide eyes.

“What?” he asked, knowing the kid couldn’t see his expression.

“I want to color. Can I color something?”

Ah.

“You might want to ask Clione about that,” he shrugged. “I just don’t have anything up here to color with.”

“Is that why your mask is white?”

“My mask is white because it freaks people out. Now go ahead and find Clione. Wiggly hat.”

“Okay!” Nauja left Hakugan, climbing back down below deck. She wandered around until she found Clione, who was in the laundry room mending some boilersuits.

“You look like you’re hunting for something,” he chuckled. “What’s the problem?”

“I want to color something, but Hakugan said to look for you! Do you know what I can color?”

“Well, not these,” he shrugged, gesturing to the garment in his hands. “Why don’t you ask Ikkaku? She knows what’s best for girls to color.”

“’Cause she’s a girl too! That’s right!” Nauja tapped her right fist in her left palm as though she’d had a revelation. She then rushed about until she found the woman in question in the engine room, where she and Uni were recording a bunch of readouts from some valves. “Auntie Ikka?”

“I’m busy…” she warned. Not that Nauja realized that, as the girl beamed brightly at her.

“I want to color, but Hakugan said that I can’t color his mask so I had to ask Clione, and then Clione said he didn’t know what I should color either, but that I should ask you because you’re a girl too and would know what it is I’d like to color!”

Ikkaku stopped writing and stared at the child, completely flabbergasted. She looked to Uni for confirmation that this was happening, only to see that he was actively trying to ignore and stay out of the entire conversation. This is what she got for traveling with a bunch of fucking babies.

“Listen kid: I don’t know what there is to color around here because I don’t have anything to color, just write.” She gestured with her clipboard in order to get the point across. A thought then crossed her mind; might as well take this directly to the top and save everyone else a bunch of fucking hassle. “Say, why don’t you go ask the captain? It’s not just that the captain’s name is Law, but his word is law too. He’ll figure it out for you.”

“Really?”

“That’s what captains are: problem solvers.” She saw that Uni was now looking at her, giving her a worried expression at the fact she was bringing the captain into this. Oh well. “Now run along. He should be able to get you your answers.”

“Okay!” the little girl replied cheerily. She then left the engine room and went into the infirmary, where she found Law carefully mixing some chemicals together, seeming rather pleased with himself as the two clear liquids merged and became green. “Do you have something I can color?”

Law narrowed his eyes as he looked at her—what the fuck?

“There was literally no one else on the ship you could ask that?”

“I did, but now I’m asking you, because the captain’s word is law like your name… whatever that means.”

“It means they’re all cowards,” he deadpanned. Law put the green-filled flask into a holder and began rummaging around in the drawers. Eventually he found a couple markers, some colored pencils, and scrap paper. “Here; draw on this.”

“Thank you!” Nauja squeaked. She hugged his leg before running off, taking the supplies with her.

For fuck’s sake—the crew needed to at least pretend that they weren’t afraid of a small child.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

“Why are you always studying?” Law didn’t even look away from his textbook to know that Nauja was changing into her pajamas in his bathroom. “You’re an adult—adults don’t have to study!”

“They do when they find themselves facing something they never knew about before,” he replied dully. “Good minds always learn things.”

“I thought captains always knew things…?” She climbed through the gap between his arm and his leg, crawling her way into his grasp. “What don’t you know?”

“I’m a doctor, but I don’t know a lot about growing bodies, like yours,” he grimaced. He waited before she settled in his lap before tilting the book so she could see easier. “Kids are very different from adults. You being here reminded me of that.”

“You didn’t learn about kid stuff before me?”

“Not extensively; pediatrics is an admitted and pronounced weak area of mine. Mostly I’ve concentrated on adult patients and surgical maneuvers.”

“That’s a lot of bones,” Nauja said, pointing at an illustration in the book. “How many are there?”

“In an adult, the number is around two-hundred-six, but in children it is greater, more like two-hundred-seventy.”

“Whoa… that’s neat.” She marveled at the textbook, which gave Law an idea.

“Would you like to see the difference between my hand and yours?”

“Yes!” she gasped, gazing up at him with sparkles in her eyes. The sight of her tugged at something deep within him, hearkening back to days in decades past.

“Then hold still while I use my Devil Fruit,” he said. She did and he dissected both their left hands, showing her how their bones compared. “See how these match up, even though my bones are bigger?”

“So, these will look like those when I’m older?” she asked, pointing out the phalanges.

“Not exactly, but close. I don’t know how big you’ll get, because that’s a significant factor, as are congenital and environmental conditions that alter bone growth.”

“Ohhh… neat…” Neither her nor Law noticed the knock on the door, nor it creaking open. “Why do I have more bones than you?”

“Children’s bones form from softer cartilage and fuse together as they get older, if they have the correct nutrients. There is more of them because they aren’t fully formed yet, which makes it easier to do things like be born and grow up.”

“Careful, Cap, or you might get into a weird conversation you don’t want to have,” Shachi smirked. He unloaded his tray on the desk—two mugs, a small pot of tea and Jean Bart’s famous chocolate chip cookies—and raised an eyebrow at their skeleton-hands. “Huh… so that doesn’t freak you out, kiddo?”

“Nope!” Nauja claimed. She then looked at the tea and cookies, and then at Law. “Can I have the rest of my hand back?”

“I guess so,” he sniffed. Law returned their hands to normal and dropped the Room in order to grab a cookie. He looked at Shachi, who gave him a look right back, the two silently conversing.

‘Aren’t you settling into the role a little quick?’

‘She gave me no choice.’

“How are babies born if they need more bones?” Nauja asked through a mouthful of cookie. Shachi choked down a cackle, while Law calmly shambled a book on obstetrics to the desk and opened it up.

“Although the birth canal is generally wide and elastic enough for them to go through, babies need the extra flexibility involved with having more bones in order to decrease complications,” he explained. He took a sip of his tea and gave the mortified Shachi a smirk. “Are you interested in how that works, Nauja-ya?”

“Oooh, yes please!”

“I’m moving her to coffee,” Shachi deadpanned. Law simply ignored him, instead flipping to a page illustrating a lateral cross-section of a thirty-eight week pregnancy.

“See that right there? That’s the birth canal, and all that baby has to go through it. It’s why skulls aren’t fully formed until years after birth, so they can fit.” He watched as Shachi recoiled in fear and scurried away—a great way to get most of his crew to scram was talk frankly about certain medical things in casual conversation, and Shachi was no exception. Nauja grabbed at her tea—in one of the smaller mugs Uni normally used for espresso—and drank a large gulp.

“That’s still really big for that bit there,” she noted. “Is there a drawing about that?”

Eh; it wasn’t quite giving her The Talk, but considering the ease of everything, he’d take it.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

“Wow!” Nauja’s eyes went wide as she pressed her hands and nose to the porthole glass. The Polar Tang was diving underneath the Red Line, going deeper and deeper than most divers could on their own. “Everything looks so cool!”

“While you can see,” Shachi smirked. He wiggled his fingers and made a groaning, ghosty sound at her, causing the child to squeak in fright. She hopped down from the chair she’d been standing on and went to the Captain’s chair, where she crawled into Law’s lap.

“He’s being mean!” she declared.

“Nauja-ya, hush, I’m concentrating,” Law said, not taking his eyes off the controls and readouts in front of him. He did not make a motion to move her, however, allowing the girl to stay where she was at. “Hakugan-ya? How’s hull pressure?”

“Stable,” was the reply. “There’s a lot more she can take before we need to get worried.”

“Good. Bepo-ya?”

“Course steady!”

“Nauja-ya?”

“…yes…?”

“It’s getting cold and will only get colder—I want you to have whoever is in the kitchen help you make hot chocolate for everyone. Got it?”

“Yes, Captain!” she gasped. She had a job to do! He then shook his head at her.

“I am not your captain.”

“Okay then… yes, Law-san!”

She left immediately after, unable to see the absolutely panicked look on Law’s face as she skipped out into the corridor. The rest of the people in the control room ignored it, instead concentrating on the instruments’ readouts.

By the time Nauja returned, she was wearing a blanket like a shawl-cape and helping to carry her own tray of hot chocolate. Once all the other cups were distributed, she crawled back into the captain’s lap with her mug and settled in the crook of his arm, keeping herself cozy against him. Everyone else in the control room saw, of course, though knew better and kept their mouths shut.

Law-san. She called him Law-san. To those who knew, the coincidence was too much to ignore. They instead filed it away for later and continued concentrating on navigating the waters around them, watching out for the inherent dangers of the sea.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

“Why do you say some people’s names like that?”

Law glanced down at Nauja on the barstool next to him, seeing that the little girl was staring at him curiously. He paid for the crew’s drinks and the barman went off to fill the mugs. “Like how?”

“You called him Barkeep-ya. I am Nauja-ya. Why is everyone a-ya?”

“Oh. It’s just a habit. It was common to say in my hometown.”

“Where’s that?”

“The North Blue, like most of the rest of the crew.” He watched as she kicked her feet and thought, absolutely devastated at how cute she was. Every time she set herself next to him, he could feel the desire to laugh emanating from his crew, as though seeing him suffer was one of the funniest things in the world.

“Can I go there?”

“No,” he said abruptly. She flinched, and a part of him felt bad. “It’s… uh… not an easy place for travelers. As the adult currently in charge of your well-being, it would be irresponsible for me to suggest otherwise.”

“Oh.” She sipped her milk thoughtfully. “Do you ever go back?”

“Only once; it wasn’t fun.”

“That’s sad,” Nauja decided. “Don’t your mom and dad miss you?”

Instead of answering, Law took a drink from his mug. He wasn’t really in the mood to be opening up to anyone, let alone a small child in their temporary care. The child stared at him, waiting for a response, before nodding.

“It’s okay, my mom and dad don’t miss me either.”

“I’m sure they do, Nauja-ya…”

“No, they don’t,” the girl replied. “They would have found me before Bepo-ya did if they missed me. They were gone a really, really long time. It was always Granny and Granddad who bothered.”

Law raised his eyebrow at that. Instead of concentrating on the statement about her parents, he consciously chose to scoff before drinking some of his ale. “Copycat.”

“I’m allowed!” Nauja pouted. “You can’t stop me!”

“From being a snotty little copycat? Hearing you call Bepo-ya that makes you sound like an old woman.”

“Then it must make you sound ancient!” Law choked on his drink. “Nahaha! I’m right! I’m right!”

“Nauja-ya…”

“Shachi-ya! Does Law-san sound like an old man?!”

“You know it, kiddo!” the offending crewmate cackled, raising his drink. Law glared at him—the other man too drunk to care—before turning back to Nauja, who was smugly triumphant.

“I am not an old man,” Law groused.

“You’re drinking beer,” Nauja pointed out. “Stinky old men drink stinky beer.”

“Shachi-ya’s older than me, you know, and is on his fourth mug of the night. What does that make him?”

“Weird and drunk.”

“…but not old…?”

“Nope!”

Law pinched the bridge of his nose, grit his teeth, and tried not to yell at the child or his crewmate. What did he do this time to deserve this?

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

No one was entirely certain as to exactly why Nauja was crying, but she was, and that was why everyone else was panicking. She had been left on the Polar Tang with the bulk of the crew while Law and Bepo went ashore to acquire navigational information, meaning that there was no one around that seemed to be able to placate their guest.

“This is not what I signed up for,” Ikkaku grimaced. She put her hands over her ears as Nauja flopped face-down on the top deck, screaming into the Tang beneath them. “Remind me to murder the captain when he gets back.”

“What do you think’s wrong?” Penguin asked. He tried poking Nauja, only for her to scream louder. “Fucking seas—there’s no off button.”

“Wishful thinking, considering you don’t have an off button either,” Clione snarked weakly. “At least my contact was able to find out where she belongs.”

“Yeah, I guess there’s that,” Penguin sighed. The three crewmates exchanged looks of absolute desperation—they had tried everything. They tried holding her, talking to her, trying to get her to laugh, and nothing fucking worked. Now they were banished to the outside deck, making it so that at least her screams didn’t carry through the rest of the ship.

It was then that the captain and navigator decided to return. Law looked at the scene in front of him and rolled his eyes, collecting the child from the deck and holding her in his arms. She instantly quieted, snuggling in the shoulder of his feather-trimmed coat he was currently wearing as a cape. Penguin, Clione, and Ikkaku all stared slackjawed at the pair as Law went below deck as though everything was normal.

“What was wrong with the cub?” Bepo wondered.

“We don’t know,” Ikkaku replied, absolutely incredulous. “Now, if you losers excuse me, I gotta make sure the boiler room’s ready to go. Later.”

Yeah… none of the rest of them wanted to think about what just happened either.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

“Ever hear of something called Aqua Laguna?”

Nauja squeaked in terror, confusing the pirates that were with her. Once the Polar Tang had reached Water 7, Law and Bepo made quick work of tracking down Nauja’s house. Penguin and Shachi tagged along as well, and now they were talking with someone claiming to be a neighbor, with the house they needed being the only one boarded up on the street.

“Does it have something to do with water?” Shachi joked. The neighbor stared at him flatly—they were in Water Fucking 7… of course it had something to do with water.

“It’s a yearly flood that does a lot of damage to the island,” he replied. “If people aren’t careful, they can get swept up in the waves and drown.”

“How awful!” Bepo shivered.

“We were waiting to hear back from the kids before we did anything to the house aside from basic cleanup, but…” The neighbor looked at Nauja, who was doing a very poor job of trying to not cry. “Hey, don’t worry; we’ll take care of you.” The girl hid her face against Law’s leg and sobbed.

“My navigator found her on an island in the New World,” Law explained. The neighbor looked at him with raised eyebrows.

“The New World? They left for that ages ago.”

“It’s what we gathered. She said something about visiting an aunt and uncle.”

“Really? I didn’t think they had family that way.”

An alarm bell went off in his mind as Law reached out subtly with his Haki, still not entirely used to the sensation. He couldn’t tell anything about the supposed neighbor. Hm. Someone called out from a few houses down, catching the neighbor’s attention.

“Excuse me,” he said. “I’ll be right back.

The four pirates looked at one another cautiously, unsure of how to continue. There was no way they could leave Nauja in an empty house, nor were they going to leave her with someone who claimed to be a former neighbor. It all felt too suspicious for their liking. Nauja clung to Law’s pant leg and sniffled, causing him to idly stroke her hair.

“So, now what are we going to do?” Shachi wondered.

“I guess there’s only one thing to do,” Law said.

“Flex your Warlord powers to find her parents?” Penguin asked. Law shook his head and picked up the child. She clung to him, her arms loose around his neck and her head resting on his shoulder.

“What I should have done from the beginning.” He carried the girl as he walked back through the streets, eventually reaching the Polar Tang and the rest of the crew waiting on the deck.

“No luck…?” Clione wondered. “My contact…”

“It doesn’t matter,” Law said. “Oi, Ikkaku-ya.”

The mechanic’s stomach went to her throat. “Yeah, Captain?”

“I think you need to build that extra room after all.” He watched as her eyebrows shot up curiously, as did most of the rest of the crew’s. “Get the parts you need for it while we’re here—we can stop on Leyteena for a bit of peace and quiet.”

“Aye, aye, Captain,” she said, giving him a mock salute.

“Where are the others?” Hakugan noted. Law shrugged.

“Their problem, not mine,” he said. He then brought Nauja down into the galley and placed her on the counter as he made them both something hot to drink. Before long, two steaming mugs of tea were sitting on the counter. Nauja reached for one, only for Law to intercept her hand to keep her still. He activated a Room around her head and, quite suddenly, her face felt weird.

“What did you do?” she asked quietly.

“I cleared your sinus cavity best I could, as ignoring it would be courting a headache and mouth-breathing for the rest of the day,” he said, gesturing to the sink. Sure enough, there was a glop of translucent boogers laying there. “Now you can have tea. It will help with the rest.”

“Thank you.”

Law watched Nauja as she gingerly picked up her mug and held it, letting the steam waft up into her face as she blew on the liquid to cool it. A smile crossed his lips as she took a sip and grimaced—it was still hot and he didn’t put milk or sugar in either mug.

“You know…” he said, hesitating, “my little sister was about your age when she passed away.” Nauja’s eyes grew wide as she stared at him in horror. “I never go back to my hometown because there is no place for me to go to; my parents and sister died a long time ago, along with a lot of other people. You can’t find the city on a map anymore—there’s not much left if there’s anything at all.”

“…but you escaped with your friends…?”

“No. Only I escaped. The crew came later.” He leaned his hip against the counter and wondered if he should have been telling her all this—it was stuff that not even his closest crewmates knew the whole story about. “I was on my own for a while too, and it made me very angry.”

“You’re not angry now.”

“That’s because Cora-san found me.” He could feel his voice threaten to crack. “He rescued me from a bad place, that had a bad man in charge, and he loved me with all his heart. I was…” he swallowed hard, “…like a son to him.”

“Where is he?”

“Cora-san died protecting me when the bad man came after us. I still love him today because of how easy it was for him to love me all those years ago. He had no reason to, but he did, and his love made me better.”

“Is that why…?” Nauja pointed at Law’s chest and the tattoo there. He nodded.

“Yeah.” He cradled her head with his free hand as he leaned down and kissed her hair. “I remember how much I needed him. If he hadn’t found me and taken me away… my life would be very different.”

Nauja sipped some more tea—now cool enough for her to drink—and nodded. “If you needed him, does that mean I’m allowed to need you?”

“Yeah. It is.”

“Okay.”

The two of them stayed there, drinking their tea in silence until Penguin came into the galley and paused, pointing at his captain, then the child, and back, all while keeping his other hand hidden.

“Everything okay?” he asked.

“I was just having a very important conversation with Nauja-ya about how she’s staying,” Law said. The little girl nodded quickly, bringing Penguin to a chuckle.

“Well, it’s a good thing we went into your house and grabbed a bunch of shit,” he said. He brought his other hand out from behind his back and presented Nauja with a stuffed toy, the sight of which made her brighten.

“Professor Nanuk!” she gasped, holding out her arms. Penguin handed it over and she hugged it tightly. “How did you know I missed her the most?!”

“I had a sneaky suspicion soon as I saw her,” he replied. The sink then caught his eye and he cringed. “Oh… what the fuck is that?!”

“Mucus,” Law replied plainly. He took a sip of his tea as Penguin grimaced and Nauja giggled quietly. “It was a preventative measure.”

“Why you gotta be like that, Cap? That’s my sink. It’s gross now.”

“It’s a prementative measure,” Nauja declared, nodding importantly. “Or I would have gotten a headache.”

“Preventative, Nauja-ya. We took a preventative measure against a headache.”

Penguin honestly didn’t know what was worse: the fact they now had a kid, or that she latched onto Law of all people, or that Law himself was seemingly latching onto her. What a fucking nightmare.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

It wasn’t much, but Ikkaku enlisted Uni’s help and the two of them were able to turn a poorly-utilized cupboard into a proper room for Nauja, with her own bed and a desk and space to put all her things. They even reorganized the storage area, where they were able to place not only all the extra bits from the former closet, but also the trunk full of her family mementos stolen before they left Water 7.

The little girl cried when she saw the room, which turned into the captain fighting back an outward emotion as his twenty-strong crew of fully-grown adults bawled their eyes out.

Nauja was there to stay.

[wannabegwenstacy]

Writing Ideas:

okay, so this is what's gonna happen. i'm feeling manic and i got some free time from work and school currently. sooo..i'm gonna throw out a few ideas/teasers for some stuff i have in my drafts. if you like please tell me so i have some motivation to finish or even keep working on these ideas. thank you! ;)

Enrapture;

wordcount: currently at 8k...will most likely be over 10k and this planned to be part 1

pairing: Jimin x Taehyung x Fem. Reader/OC

tags: smut, fluff, childhood friends to friends w/ benefits to lovers, established relationship (friendship!), flashbacks, talk of college mayhem,

warnings: 18+ NSFW Smut, Alcohol Consumption, Talk of the Pandemic and Quarantine (it's set during the pandemic and the characters are in quarantine for part of it), talk of poor mental health (abandonment issues and some other stuff), masurbation, nudism, oral (m & f), nipple piercing (reader has them, vmin suck them), hair pulling (m), cock riding of the reverse kind, Taehyung has got a big dick but that's a given, cum eating, lazy eiffel tower..kinda, slight voyeurism, jimin at one point gives himself a hand job.

summary: When you you ended up moving in with your two best friends of 9 years to quarantine together during the pandemic the last thing you expected was to discover more about them than you thought you already knew. You knew everything there was to know about these boys so why does it feel so weird when one night after your celebration of quarantine being lifted when you wake up in one their beds all three of you together? this should be fine but it was far from just fine like you told them. This could change everything.

notes: i have been writing this for like 2+ years off and on. it's the first thing in my drafts lol like I add on and change things constantly. i want to finish it but this is the reason of my writers block/not posting. so i would love to get it out but i struggle.

The Boyz as College AUs

wordcount: sangyeon's aint even finished and its already 1.6k of bullet points. i have 11 members to write ranging from 1k - 2k words each..

tags: suggestive, maybe smut idk yet, fluff, crack, college au, very trope-y, i fell first but they feel harder trope, right person wrong time trope, slow burn bullet point style for most, slice of life, enemies to lovers!, best friends to lovers, okay you know what just assume probably every trope will be covered

warnings: possible smut..mdni, okay umm actual smut i just reread jacob's when making this 👀, talks of heavy anxiety, very cheesy, most likely all written lowercase on purpose, wip so not 100% sure of every thing yet

summary: this is gonna be formatted like my Bangtan in Bed thing I did years ago but more fluffy not so smutty. Pretty self explanatory but The boyz as College AUs! meaning how I imagine each of the boyz if you met them in another life in college.

notes: this one is my newest one in my drafts so it might take the most time to finish. might be a series but might be a master post we will see!

Bangtan in Bed: Jeon Jungkook | NSFW

wordcount: i usually do around 1k for these

tags: smut..and more smut

warnings: (this is the warnings i had from where i left off writing this part over a year ago. subject to change.) baby boy kookie, massages, dry humping, strong senses, sensory play, mood setting, daredevil kookie, risky sex, stamina control, strength kink, wall sex, shower sex, standing up sex, thigh riding, overstimulation (receiving), forced orgasms (receiving), praise kink (receiving), phone sex, guided masturbation, mutual masturbation

summary: how jeon jungkook might be in bed based off my opinion!

notes: i haven't touched this in a LONG TIME! I probably need to go back and change a bunch i already written. i also honestly need to go back and edit the other members to kinda see if they still hold up. I did get a request to finish this series a while back and it's been eating at me so that's why this is on here.

[leafannarchive]

new year’s eve - run it back 😼

i’m copying scoops @scoops404 again because this was her idea originally!! i put this on my twitter already but i wanna have it on tumblr too SO here’s my 2022 fic rank and recap. i’m putting them under the cut because i simply wrote so much this year it was insane.

i loved all my fics this year, and thank you if you’ve read even one of my fics. it means the absolute world to me. i have so many things i still want to do so. here’s to 2023 and more insane dnf writing 🫶

19. i could easily lose my mind

part 8 of the pro soccer dnf series!! it was my first step back into the “present” after the olympics fic. it’s cute but someone has to be last place :)

18. everything i need i get from you

more pro soccer dnf (part 9) and it’s the wedding fic!! it’s cute too, i just don’t love weddings. i struggled with this one a bit tbh but i wanted to get the wedding done and out of the way. i like how it came out in the end though!!

17. love you for a long time

this one is the light on sequel!! i had so much fun writing it because light on is so personal to me. obviously i’ve been to the places i write about in it and it’s always fun to revisit those trips. the universe itself is also incredibly fun to revisit

16. when it is hopeless i start to notice

pro soccer dnf again but this time it’s the olympics one so part 5. this one hurt so bad, like i cried rereading it. she’s good, she could be better. hope to improve on the international rivalry in a future fic :)

15. the universe works in mysterious ways

this one’s cute!! it’s a little bit of a vent about my apartment but with a much happier ending. it was my first shot at grad student george with streamer dream which obviously i just revisited these dynamics later and wrote something better, but this one is still worth a shot!!

14. follow what i’m feeling

this was the second meetup fic i wrote of three this summer. this one was based on some tiktoks about the inherent romance in friendship!! i look back on this one so fondly. i went on a walk to clear my head after writing the ending and then got back home and completely rewrote it (shoutout scoops for the help with this one)

13. they don’t know how special you are

this one was good, the first deeper look i gave into the pro soccer universe characters!! i like this one a lot but i’m docking points because i used a lot of stuff from a fic i wrote for a different fandom. idea recycle and even some scenarios in the fic were recycled and changed a bit.

12. it’s nice to have a friend

more pro soccer in college. i wrote a few different fics exploring snf’s friendship this year and this was one of them!! i think of them all, this was my least favorite which is why i put it here :)

11. you are in love

third meetup fic i wrote just before the actual meetup!! i love this one and i got to try out a nonlinear timeline. also i wrote about dream wearing a chain before we knew he does for sure. one of my highlights this year

10. that’s because i wanna be your favorite boy

mostly wrote this at the airport after missing a flight which turned into a whole mess (i’m sure some of u guys remember i got accused of plagiarism for this one 👺) BUT i think it’s a cute little college au that slays. i like the way i wrote dream coming out and how his friends and george react specifically :)

9. complete mess

OKAY this is a deviation. this is my snf fic and i actually love this premise. it’s cute, it’s fun, based on the morning lobbies and their little friend group. it was for a little challenge with some friends :)

8. one day i know that you will be there

my twist on how the dream team blew up but a long fic!! my baby girl going into 2022. disclaimer, i started this fic before george took to the internet and started talking about how much he hates editing 👍 it’s still fun though with lots of besties qnf and callahan.

7. he’s falling, i offer him my hand

my first meetup fic!! it recently hit 1k kudos so thank you all sm 🫶 man this one… i put a lot of my own loneliness into it, scenes from my experience living alone in 2022 and came up with something i love. this one has some nswf btw so. look out for that

6. for a while you were all mine

latest fic 😼 and this was my second attempt at grad student george streamer dream and i really really like this one!! good show of how i’ve improved this year i think

5. you and i

the pro soccer dnf origin story. i adored this fic, it was for the one year anniversary, it shows so much george character development. they are so important to me. this is my favorite pro soccer part of all time (part 7)

4. peace

pro hockey dnf. i saw the clip of george saying he played hockey and this was born. i stuck them on my favorite team and included some of my favorite hockey ship’s insane moments. perfect fic. showstopper. it’s also had art made for it twice which is EPIC ‼️

3. delicate

rivals (sort of one sided?) to lovers >:) basketball george and football dream at florida state. it is everything to me. the george, foolish, sapnap friendship dynamics were so fun to write. and background punznap!!!

2. tear in my heart

kidfic!! i love liam and i love what i did incorporating a/b/o as part of a challenge. i loved the time travel aspect. it was really really hard to pick between the last two. it’s a very close second :)

1. light on

and finally, dream’s birthday fic!! this one is so personal. it’s me and my life on display. it’s a love letter to my city. it’s coming to terms with growing up and changing. i love their relationship and i put so so much of myself into it plus getting to read all the comments of people relating too. i don’t know it just made me feel so nice.