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ginnymoonbeam · 2 years ago

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A couple months ago I decided to watch the whole HIStory series. I had already seen Trapped (more than once) and I watched Love in the Future as it aired, so I picked up the rest in order from series 1-4. Here's my teeny tiny review of each one, in order of least favorite to favorite.

A note: overall this series is drastically unconcerned with whether its relationships are "healthy" or "unproblematic." I'm not bothered by that, and in fact some of my favorites are... well, you'll see. Definitely recommend looking for content warnings before starting any of these - I'm also happy to answer questions about content as long as they're not "how could you enjoy media that features XYZ".

Onto the reviews! There will be a few spoilers, but only things I think viewers are genuinely better off knowing before they start.

HIStory 1: Stay Away From Me

Brief premise: after their parents' marriage, Feng He gets a new roommate in his stepbrother Cheng Qing, who's a big star. It's all too much for Feng He's fujoshi best friend to handle. I quite enjoy a good stepbrothers setup, but this one fell pretty flat, and I hated the fujoshi friend situation. Shipper characters are on thin ice for me in general, and this one was so intrusive that it ruined the other things I might have enjoyed. I did like the leads pretty well - I have a soft spot for bratty characters who are secretly under a lot of strain - but the relationship development was just so-so.

HIStory 5: Love in the Future

There were parts of this I really liked, mostly the side couple, but it was sooo tedious. It's this low on the list because the ratio of "minutes I enjoyed" to "minutes I resent giving away" is so abysmal... at least the H1 installments come in at barely over an hour each, so I don't feel like I wasted so much time on the ones I didn't like. This show is trying to do at least three different genres and doing none of them well. I don't even know how to sum up the premise... there's a guy who's gotten zapped 20 years into the future by mistake, but more of the show deals with business drama and eventual corporate espionage at the department store where the other main characters are centered. There's so much going on and none of it quite coheres. I'm too bored and annoyed to talk about it any more.

HIStory 1: Obsessed

This gets top out of the three I really didn't like, because it had the most id candy. And, again, because it's short. The setup is neat: a guy who's just gotten his heart broken gets zapped back into his younger self and tries, unsuccessfully, not to get with the same guy again. The love interest is just incredibly pushy and aggressive, sometimes in a way that's bad!hot and sometimes in a way that's just bad. I also hated the reveal at the end - there was no reason for him not to explain himself immediately instead of watching his lover's heart break, and I have no patience for that kind of thing.

Those were the three I didn't really like. Now we're going from liked to loved.

HIStory 1: My Hero

This one was a big surprise to me... I would have skipped it entirely if I wasn't on a completionist project, because the premise "girl dies, gets put into a boy's body, and has to try and win over her boyfriend" is incredibly unappealing to me. But they took it in a direction I wasn't expecting and I found myself having a great time. It couldn't have sustained itself for any longer, but with an under-90-minute runtime it's a fun little story.

HIStory 2: Right or Wrong

Enjoyed this one a lot - I love a nanny romance in theory, but I'm picky about kids in media. This kid is both charming and realistically childlike, and one of the leads does plenty of yelling about the kid's initial bad home situation, so I don't have to. The basic setup is that Fei Shengzhe discovers that his professor's 8 year old daughter is being neglected, gets hired to take care of her, shakes his professor/boss into being responsible, and of course eventually falls in love.

I liked most of the relationship dynamics - when there's a big structural power differential, I like to see it balanced in-story by their personalities or other factors, and this show did that well, but there were still moments where I wanted to yell not at school! or transfer out of his class ftlog! Overall, still positive, and I'll probably rewatch it when I'm in the mood for some nicely layered domestic romance.

HIStory 2: Crossing the Line

I am not a sports person but I loved these sports boys very much. A new transfer student gets strong-armed into joining the school's volleyball team, ends up pursuing the team's previous ace, who's permanently unable to play due to an injury.

Xia Yuhao thinks he's sooo bad until he discovers a burning need to be bossed around and I love that in a man. Qiu Zixuan won my heart immediately and kept it - he's so sensible and focused and stoic, and the moments where he struggles against the reality of his injury hit so hard in contrast. This one had me hooked from beginning to end. And the side couple is exactly what I mean when I say I enjoy a good stepbrothers setup - the established intimacy and tenderness juxtaposed with confusion and guilt makes a tasty tasty emotional cocktail.

The final three shows are why this post has been sitting in drafts for a couple weeks. I've been undecided on how to rank them, and I've been processing a ton of thoughts about the two new-to-me ones. I'll try to stay brief here, and keep my longer thoughts for possible future posts.

As for ranking - I simply can't. I love all three very much, so let's just say they sit together at the top spot.

HIStory 4: Close to You

I'm fascinated by stories that take some basic messy yaoi tropes and peel them back, really dig into the layers of what's going on and how they affect people, all while keeping it fun and horny. Love in the Air does that with consent (masterfully, as I will argue until I'm blue in the face), and Close to You does it with the boundaries of intimacy, the extent to which we're required to draw rigid lines around types of intimacy and what happens when those lines get smudged.

I do understand why a lot of people simply do not fuck with this show. There very much are multiple sexual assaults, including between one of the main pairs. And while the other stepbrother romances in this series do what they can to lean away from the incest angle, this one leans hard into it. A lot of the show operates on the level of farce - it's doing absolutely outrageous things with a straight face. If you can have a sense of humor about the things it's playing with, there are some sublimely funny moments. But I don't fault anyone for saying "nope, that's not for me."

Teng Muren and Xiao Licheng, the best-friends-to-lovers, are one of my favorite couples from the whole HIStory franchise, and the only thing better than their intricate and frenetic dance around each other was Ye Xingsi watching with his fond, weary, experienced-gay gaze. Also I am obsessed with the way people just come out and say shit in this story. Nobody keeps a secret for more than half an episode, even when they really probably should. Plots are so often driven by people not telling each other everything, and watching this one run instead on everyone telling each other way too much was fascinating.

HIStory 3: Trapped

I can't possibly rank this one in relation to the others because I watched it long ago and I've seen it several times. It's been high on my list of beloved BLs since I first watched. Meng Shaofei is one of my all-time favorites, he's so stubborn and loving and honest. I love how hard he and Tang Yi fight for each other once they get together. I love when guys get lost in the woods handcuffed together, I love Tang Yi's sexy bffs and weaponized makeouts, I love the angst and hurt/comfort and yelling crying fights between two people who love each other. I don't feel the need to say much more: it's the most popular of the series, and rightly so.

HIStory 3: Make Our Days Count

I think I watched MODC in the best possible way: knowing the ending, and in 2023 when there are so many good happy-ending BLs I can't possibly watch them all. Had I watched it when it aired and been hit with the ending out of the blue, I think I'd have been as devastated and lastingly bitter as a lot of people who did.

I really do think viewers are better going into this one spoiled, so in case you don't know: one of the leads dies abruptly at the end of the penultimate episode (not onscreen), and the final episode is the surviving partner processing grief many years later.

The presence of grief - past, future, or potential - grounds a love story for me like nothing else quite does. Without the ending, I would like MODC very very much but I wouldn't love it quite as fervently as I do. The final episode is complicated and difficult - we see Xiang Haoting at a moment when his grief over Yu Xigu is rearing up due to a time of transition in his life. We see him let go of some of the ways he's been coping in the past, we see him fall into a dangerously low state and then come back out of it, but we don't see him get over it and move on. That's because you don't get over some losses, you don't move on - they sit beside you for the rest of your life, and you learn how to be happy but never entirely how to not be sad.

The other thing I love most about MODC is how extremely Boys the boys are. The leads don't look the age they're supposed to be, but they act it. No other BL I've seen has done so well at capturing this type of teenage boy, bursting at the seams with hormones and the fiery need to DO things. They lose control and do the dumbest shit even though they know better, and they're also overwhelmingly thoughtful and caring just when you least expect it. The way Xiang Haoting sometimes just moves because his body can't be still; the way the whole friend group teases and derides but also rallies around each other with fierce devotion. Haoting's reaction when his friend comes out to him is perfect - a minute of teasing and incredulity, then an immediate pivot to "I've got your back."

The contrast between youthful, hopeful energy and adult experiences of pain and loss makes the key axis the whole show rotates around. The side couple has a big age gap, with high schooler Sun Boxiang pursuing Liu Zhigang, a wounded and weary gym hottie of about 30. Yu Xigu is the same age as Boxiang and Haoting, but he already knows grief. Haoting and Boxiang with their fearless optimism beat like waves against the walls of these sadder, warier love interests until they each decide to dare to try for happiness. In the one story, Haoting ends up inheriting his lover's sorrow, and it will take some other, future connection to get him to try for happiness again. In the other, Boxiang's persistence not only brings romantic happiness to Zhigang, but eventually heals another loss that Zhigang had given up on ever seeing restored.

There's a moment during his pursuit of Zhigang when Boxiang swears he'll love him forever, and Zhigang says no, you can't promise that, no one can. Which is always what I want to say to the BL schoolboys, because I too am older, wounded and weary. You can't promise forever, no matter how badly you want to. All you can do is love each other well for as long as you can, and know that life is long, and joy follows sorrow follows joy.

#history series #taiwanese bl #history 4: close to you #history 3: modc #bl drama

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chaoxfix · 2 years ago

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@ ur frontiers take

A million years later I remember to check in again and hunt down ur frontiers opinions HAHA HOWDY AGAIN! do submissions have a better character limit were gonna find out (doubling back to say yes they do)

I love reading ur thoughts! I def agree about some VAing being a liddle funky, odd pauses, etc, and I've got problems with Amy too (I remember being worried they were making the "own adventure" a thing so they could phase the characters out of games in the future entirely but it seems? Like hopefully that's not true? But also man,, can they keep improving the characterizations if they do use them in the future, pls), but I agree w most of what u said regarding just about everything so I'm not gonna rehash that too much

The Eggman voice memos were just chefs kiss it's been a while since I listened to em but I remember i loved hearing his thoughts on tails especially !!

All in all it's def some of the best we've gotten in ages and I'm glad to see them heading in the right direction!!! I hope they keep that up. I really am desperate for more serious deep convos and idk if we'll ever get them but uhhh if not that's what fanfics are for amiright

Once again I'm just,,, hhhfffghhhh dying for all the dlc to make sure there's no more dialogue/scenes that'll be added bcuz I wanna write frontiers content already but I want ALL the frontiers stuff at my disposal to use. If I write a tails frontiers fic and then they drop some great new dialogue that id want to incorporate into my fic but it's too late I'd be so mad

Also very eager to explore the Sonic is forgetting who he is and why he's there and what's going on dialogue they tucked away AGGHHHH

ANYWAY TY FOR UR HOT TAKES! man I gotta catch up on ur fics that's what I intended to do today but then I went oh wait I gotta see if there was ever a reply about frontiers and then got thoroughly distracted by ur Tumblr content on the way dbjfjgkgkkh now I've got like 5 ao3 tabs pulled up from stuff you reposted and recommended bcuz lord knows all I need is to add more fics to my reading list (said gratefully, looking forward to them,)

CANT WAIT TO GET BACK TO INHALING UR FICS THO, SEE YA ON THE FLIP SIDE!! 👋 - once again, imagination.junkyard from ao3

#submission

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margle · 1 year ago

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15 (ish) questions for 15 (ish) mutuals (but I didnt do that part sorry)

thanks @cowboycharmac , @translesbianvampire , @number-one-hog-hater , @23meteorstreet for the tags!

were you named after anyone?

sort of. I asked my mum and she listed a few people but the main one is a very hedonistic character from a book.so that’s a fun role to fill. the other people are a bit more daunting in their accomplishments.

do you have kids?

no and I dont want any.

do you use sarcasm a lot?

not very often, I guess. ive been told I am very difficult to read if im telling a joke or not. especially sarcasm. im mostly sarcastic when im being mean rather than funny. I guess im more likely to be dry?

what's the first thing you notice about people?

I honestly have no clue. definitely not their shoes. and probably not their face because I can never remember what people look like. I sat in a car with my driving instructor for months but could not tell you what he looked like. physically, I probably notice hair and clothes first? but otherwise if im meeting someone new I just notice whether they talk to me or not and how they hold a conversation.

what's your eye color?

blue/green.

scary movies or happy endings?

im a wimp and I dont like scary movies. so I guess I prefer happy endings, although I dont mind some tragedy. for tv I almost exclusively watch comedies. i dont watch a lot of films so i’ll mostly watch what other people want. im a fan of rewatching, so it is rare I will willingly watch something new on my own. as for books, ill read anything! but especially interesting gothic classics and translated books. I like slice of life and anything with great world building. not a huge fan of ya probably because it was all I read when I was younger so I got a bit bored of it.

any special talents?

I never know how to answer that. im decent at various things but nothing in particular. if you showed me a relatively common uk bug I think I would be able to id it.

what are your hobbies?

im into entymology. I like taking pictures of bugs and recording their species. there are other things I do, but im hesitant to call them hobbies because I dont do them that regularly.

have any pets?

yes! a beautiful, wonderful cat.

what sports do you play/have you played?

I dont play sport regularly. did the usual sports at school. (I did some more interesting stuff but im trying to be humble. im big into baseball - Ive got a batting average of .328, have 118 home runs and batted in 1014 runs. im also in the baseball hall of fame. that’s right guys, im baseball superstar wade boggs. Im a true american - I love baseball and posting on tumblr and my family and beer)

how tall are you?

I honestly dont know. 5 foot something. that should narrow it down.

favorite subject in school?

I liked english lit in later school. earlier on I liked all the arty stuff best. textiles was a lot of fun but the teacher was a prick.

dream job?

games design but im shite at coding. :( conservation work would be cool. havent decided yet. when I was a kid I wanted to be a farmer and used to like planning my future farm layout. now I just play stardew valley.

im not sure who to tag because I think most of my mutuals have been tagged by other people already. or have already done it. ive spent too long deliberating over who to tag/not tag. and so this is an open invitation to whoever wants to do this. you dont have to be my mutual! I know this kinda defeats the point of these things but gah idk I never do these.

#personal

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theinfernalcalypso · 25 days ago

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In response to this ask, list 5 songs you enjoy listening to, post them publicly ! And send this ask to the last 10 people in your notifs (if you want).

You would make me choose like this. You would make me choose in such a broad category-

I'm jk lemme give u a list in SMALLER categories based on hyperspecific emotions I've experienced lately!

Entropy - Arrows in Action

This is for the fact I have... felt very stuck. I have several things I want to do, but they're all dependent on other factors that have to come to fruition first that I have no control over. Whether I should give up and do something more instantly gratifying specifically. It also evokes my feeling I've experienced lately regarding DC if anyone remembers that post.

2. Somewhere Only We Know - Keane

This is... somewhat related to the above. I don't know if it's the feeling of foreshortened future brought on by the trauma, or the perspective I have regarding how humans don't live very long at all really, or that it feels like the world is headed for an end soon. But, I do know I just wanna curl up somewhere with the people I love and just enjoy it. I feel far older than my body would tell you (even my joints who insist I'm 60), and I certainly feel like things are far more limited as far as time. I just wanna spend it with the people and the things I do that make me happy. I don't wanna live in capitalistic need like we've been forced to (at least within the states).

3. Seventeen - The Heathers The Musical Soundtrack

Oh, god, where do I start here? There's a few factors this one was brought back to me lately, getting back together with my highschool sweetheart (Bunny) being one of them. (I guess if anyone wants that story? Ask??) It's for mourning a youth lost, where I was parentified and made my mother's therapist. It's for being so anxious about ever being in trouble and mourning every missed opportunity to sneak out and live for a change. It's for the fact I was 19 when I met my abusive ex and went from the frying pan (my mother) into the fire when I moved in with him (13 hours away from any family in either VA or SC) and didn't realize what I'd gotten myself into. I want it all back but I know it's far too late for that.

4. Goddess - Cephied ft. Nonon

Since I moved back home (well, one of two places I could consider as such on a people basis), I've... kinda been lacking in my craft because of everything I've had to get settled even months later (like I voted!! I've never had the opportunity to do that before and I had to get my ID sorted for that shit!!). A lot of the time, meditating (one of my most frequent forms of not just decompressing but also for "tuning in" really) for me looks like bedrotting. I put my headphones on, I curl up in bed (usually in the dark), and I maladaptive daydream. Yes, sounds unconventional. But it's how I've adapted my practice to my capabilities. But also I mean, my daydreams in this fashion sometimes go off the rails from what I want them to be and I feel like I've managed to adapt it into a form of oneiromancy (for those who may be confused by the term: divination through dreams!). This is probably my most often used form of it for digging up memories of past lives I have, others being tarot, the conventional form of oneiromancy, and more broadly (to give me a starting point) using a pendulum for those I feel like would be a good source to ask. I have yet to actually put my bones for osteomancy (aka bone throws) to use. (... I degreased exactly seven bones that I saved from a plate of ribs from the outback.) ... this ended up being very much a ramble about my magic practice oopsie.

5. Over It - Arrows In Action

Alright. Alright. I know. I already put Arrows In Action on this list. But also the entire album Built to Last on top of their new song Cheekbones have been obsessions lately. I blame the fact I've been hyperfocused on Vampire the Masquerade lately and my character in the solo chronicle Bunny's running for me is literally just me if I was a vampire and that the album + Cheekbones is just applicable to in and out of game stuff lately. (Seriously, go listen to at least the stuff listed individually listed here if nothing else. Their music FUCKS-) But also, specifically, this brings me to where I recently mentioned to Bunny and Puppy that there's a few different mindsets I vacillate between. I'll just paste the text for the two relevant ones. "I am a teenager/young adult who feels utterly shattered by the burdens life has placed on me. I contemplate whether it's worth it to try and keep going. My clothes smell like nicotine and I crave the release of alcohol to make things feel a little lighter." "I am an ageless being that predates man. I have seen them rise, fall, and get back up again to repeat the process for millennia. I have such disdain for some aspects, even individuals, but then I also have an overwhelming love for them."

#ask games #asks #no one asked for dissertations for why these choices but i'm giving them anyway #... no one asked for an insight into my brain either but i'm giving it anyway because it is easier to spout it off here a lot of the time #such is the way of it

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owlixx · 1 year ago

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Sonic Wishlist: Playable Characters

So, basically, I’d really like a Mortal Kombat Armageddon of Sonic The Hedgehog - a game that finds a way to cram in “every” character in the series. Now, obviously, the canon of Sonic is far too sprawling to make every canon character playable even just across the main canonicity, but something along the lines of “every previously playable character” with a couple extra inclusions.

First off, this post is half just seeing how many Sonic characters I can name off the top of my head.

Also, this hypothetical game already kind of exists in the form of the Sonic phone games and Sonic Speed Simulator on roblox, but I’d like an official console release with every character ever.

Also also, this game would maybe need to not be a core sonic game and instead be a rhythm game, fighting game, etc etc etc although Sonic Heroes did a pretty good job of including a lot of characters.

Also wanted to just rotate my blorbos a bit and sort them into tiers of “how much I expect them to be playable”, which is not the same as “how much I want to play them”.

Okay okay so the first pick is obviously Sonic himself.

At the rate things had been going before Frontiers, I would’ve put “classic Sonic” as the second most likely character but I think maybe Sega has changed their stance there finally so I’ll say Tails is #2, Knuckles is #3, and Shadow is #4. And I’ll leave “classic sonic” at tied at #1 with regular sonic and/or counting as the same character.

Which is honestly kind of funny because Shadow is only playable in SA2, Heroes, 06, Shadow, and Forces as DLC which is pretty rough if you visualize it as a graph over time.

[Image description: a line going downward]

But he’s popular and for a reason too.

Anyways, I’d probably go with Amy for #5 mostly likely character to be playable in a future sonic game. Alternatively, you can view this list as who I would expect to be the roster in a future sonic game announced to have X many playable characters. And I’ll probably switch to tiers after a bit.

#6…probably Rouge? I love her dearly and love how much she features in Prime.

#7/8/9 go to team chaotix in the order of Vector/Espio/Charmy based on only Vector being in TSR and I think Charmy not being in sonic speed simulator at the moment.

#10 Silver and #11 Blaze. Sadly I think TSR and Olympics are the only playable appearances for these two since 06/RA off the top of my head but I think both are in generations at least? I still want to see Silver (and Rouge) in 2D gameplay

Uhhhh #12 Omega? All the robots would be much higher on a personal wishlist rather than a prediction

#13 Metal Sonic which is honestly lower than I’d have expected. Lot of good characters in these games I guess.

#14 Big the Cat, I call em like I see em. Seems like he is on the rise lately.

#15 Cream who I think has been weirdly absent lately. I really like the idea of having a Tails-adjacent character and she’s perfect for that. Id tolerate her being a chao garden NPC if it meant we got the chao garden back. But I love her being kind of a Sonic Advance representative and I adore that she does her rail grind animation from that game in sonic speed simulator too as a reference.

#16 I guess this is where I’d slot the Sonic Forces Avatar, probably just appearing as default one or as “Gadget” from the comics. Maybe with a couple alternate costumes to show off some of the gear sets.

At this point the list is just what order I can remember these characters in lmao

I do wanna stop here actually and word vomit the characters remaining I can remember so I can sort them more easily - Eggman, Chaos, Tikal, Mighty/Ray, team Riders, Gamma, Emerl, Zavik (if TSR counts), Whisper\Tangle (if mobile counts but then I’d also have to counts but then more of the sinister six counts too I think and I don’t like them)

Alright so I’d assign them… Eggman #17, Chaos #18, Mighty/Ray #19/20, Zavik #20 (not by choice mind you), Gamma #21, Tikal #22, Whisper/Tangle #23/24, Emerl would be #25 but I just remembered Marine/Sticks who I’m going to make #25/26 and then Emerl #27 (sorry bud)

Wow, uh, I’m struggling to think of more playable characters. We’ve covered Sonic 1-3, CD, adventure, Adventure 2, 06, heroes, battle even.

Uhhhhhhhh technically versus mode in Shadow lets you play as Android Shadow as featured also in sonic speed simulator so that’s #28

And teeeechnically player 2 of shadow can control any of the “helper” character so technically the alien starfish is playable that way and Maria too for #29 and #30

I forgot you can play as Chao in TSR until just now so we are gonna make that #31 instead of revising the list. I guess you kind of play as Chao in chao karate/races? And you kind of control one as cream in sonic advance.

OH sonic the fighters - throw in Knack, Bean, and Fang in the reverse of that order as #32/33/34

Honestly throw in Nights into Dreams at #35 for his playable appearance in Sonic Riders and the pinball table in Adventure.

I can’t remember if samba de amigo is also unlockable in any of the riders games or not…but go ahead and throw him in at #36 between pinball party and Sega racing and generally co existing.

I am NOT throwing in Ulala, her ass is not canon. Samba is at least a monkey. Same goes for Billy Hatcher despite his animal-adjacentness and the egg vacuum in shadow. I’ll make a separate list for most obvious crossover characters.

Maybe throw in “Eggman robot” as the entire #37 slot between all the badniks but primarily because they’re playable in riders.

I’m not counting super/hyper/werehog sonic or other transformations as separate characters for this list, maybe I’ll make a separate list.

Also not counting NPC’s that I’d expect to see made playable, that’s a separate list. Even if I think Marine is never actually playable…I’m still counting her as belonging on this first list. And I have no idea if Sticks is playable or not. Nobody does. And they’d share a slot and be alternate costumes likely anyways.

Okay so far this has been a list made entirely blind. I’m going to finally go on Google.com and see if I missed any canonically playable sonic characters, including all spin-off games but not including crossovers characters. I GUESS I will include sonic speed simulator and sonic forces (mobile), I did deliberately leave our 5 of the sinister six despite that “rule” I established.

WAIT - first, I just remembered Sonic R exists but I’m going to count Tails Doll and Cyber Knuckles as “transformations” instead of separate characters.

Okay now I’m going on google.com

I am counting the Sonic Prime characters as transformations/costumes, although maybe the new metal sonic would count as separate if he was ever made playable.

I am counting the sonic and the black knight characters as transformations/costumes

UGH Longclaw from the sonic movie is playable in sonic forces mobile…but she isn’t from a game originally and isn’t in any real sonic games even as an NPC or mentioned, so I won’t be including her.

I am counting Game World sonic from colors as a transformation/costume.

Infinite and Mephiles appear in sonic forces mobile…but I still think I’ll leave them for the NPC list because it’s my list and I pick the rules.

I did forget the just…actual bomb you can technically play as in Chaotix, I’ll count that as legit at #38.

I’m on the sonic wiki list of 130 playable characters right now - a lot of transformations or alternate versions of characters. I’m not counting sonic schoolhouse, also.

Counting Eggman Nega as an alternate version of Eggman, personally.

Leaving Honey the Cat for NPC/Crossover since that game didn’t release.

LMAOOO the sonic wiki lists Danica Patrick as a playable character because of Sega Racing.

Alright, that leaves us at…

Sonic

Tails

Knuckles

Shadow

Amy

Rouge

Vector

Espio

Charmy

Silver

Blaze

Omega

Metal Sonic

Big the Cat

Cream

Avatar/Gadget

Eggman

Chaos

Mighty

Ray

Zavik

Gamma

Tikal

Whisper

Tangle

Marine

Sticks

Emerl

Android Shadow

The uhhhh alien from shadow

Maria (lol)

Chao (really should be higher imo but I’m lazy)

Fang

Bean

Knack

NiGHTS

Samba

Eggman Robot (riders…I guess…)

In the end, this is really just a list of the order I could remember playable sonic characters in, which I suppose has its own value but doesn’t signify much.

I could make a list of my personal most wanted of this list - but just bump up all the robot and female characters and that’s about it.

And I didn’t say it earlier, but Sonic Adventure 2 Battle specifically is why Chaos and Tikal get a pass, although I suppose they’re also in the phone game, but then again I suppose that’s why I didn’t let Infinite/Mephiles into this list or the rest of the sinister six.

Now that I’m looking at it - 38 characters is asking for a lot. I think I start pulling characters out of my ass around #20, although personally Chaos and Tikal are both very dear to me and all the robots too.

Also just including palm tree panic here at the end because that’s what I’d like you to be listening to as you read this.

#sonic #sonic the hedgehog #stab #🦔#gaming #wishlist #sonicccccccccc #I love you sonic #Sega #Spotify

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bcdrawsandwrites · 2 years ago

Photo

[ID: A Bad Things Happen Bingo card! As the card will be repeatedly updated, a list indicating what prompts have been taken and what haven't will be provided under the cut.]

(Guide to the card: A half-brain is a requested prompt, and a full brain is a filled prompt.)

WOOOOO!!! ALL RIGHT GUYS IT'S THAT TIME AGAIN!! I'm doing Bad Things Happen Bingo--which means I'm writing fics for these prompts--and this time it's Psychonauts themed!! And guess what?

I'M OPEN FOR REQUESTS, BUT PLEASE READ THE RULES BELOW THE CUT!

(Also for the record, I'm still working on other stuff--the rough draft of the final chapters of Psychics Ruin Everything is finished and just needs to be edited and prepared to post. Also have another finished oneshot that will be posted in the future! (And if you're still hanging on for more For Unity, that will come in time too!))

I do have a few rules I want to put in place for requests! If you're interested in requesting a fic for this, please read below the cut!

RULES!

One request per person. At least at the start! If I need more requests later, I might allow for seconds.

PLEASE SEND REQUEST VIA ASK ON TUMBLR! This just makes the requests easier for me to keep track of.

ANONYMOUS REQUESTS WILL NOT BE ACCEPTED. This is to make sure the previous rule is enforced!

Send me an ask with a character (or multiple characters, if a prompt requires multiple) and a prompt.

These MUST be Psychonauts characters! I'm not doing requests for other fandoms!

One prompt per ask! You cannot combine prompts as they don't count for Bad Things Happen Bingo's official rules.

If you're unfamiliar with what a prompt means, check out my post explaining the remaining prompts here!

Please do not request prompts that have already been taken!

Please do not request the following characters:

Any of the interns

Any of the campers (aside from Raz and Lili of course)

Raz's family members (other than Lucy and Augustus)

Crispin

Random Motherlobe NPCs

Mental figures

(Nothing against those characters--I'm just not interested in writing anything focused on them. They MAY show up in fics, but they will not be the focus.)

Give me more details! This could be simple stuff like when you want the fic to take place like "pre-Psychonauts 1" or "during Rhombus of Ruin" or "during the battle of Grulovia" and so on. Or, especially if the prompt warrants a more fleshed out situation, please give me a rough idea of the story you're picturing! (Though give me some wiggle room, please!) That said...

Do not ask for smut.

Do not ask for romance. I may include some romance elements if the characters are canonically in a relationship, as then those elements would naturally show up in the story, but I don't like to focus on romance most of the time.

Be patient! I'll have to be writing at least five fics to score a bingo, so it may be a bit before I get to your request. Please bear with me!

I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO REFUSE A REQUEST FOR ANY REASON.

LIST OF ALL PROMPTS!

Italicized prompts have been requested. Prompts with links have been filled!

Stumbling and Staggering Breaking a Promise I Have Your Loved One Communication Suddenly Cut Off Organ Theft

Go Through Me Reluctant Caretaker Taking the Blame Never Be Hurt Again Common Cold

This Is for Your Own Good Confined to Bed Rest Villain Reveals the Secret Banished What Have I Done

Dragging Themselves Along the Ground Anger Born of Worry Hidden Scar "Who Did This to You?" Friendly Fire

Crisis Catch-and-Carry Bundled Up in Blankets Rescue Mission Neglect/Abandonment Tortured for Information

Aaaand that's it! Have at it! I’m going to at least try for a bingo, so PLEASE SEND ME REQUESTS I NEED SOMETHING TO WRITE AAAAAAAAAAA

#psychonauts #psychonauts 2 #bad things happen bingo #non art

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jihyuncompass · 3 years ago

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A Birthday Visit

Well well well would you look at that. My very first Tears of Themis fic is for Marius’s birthday who could have guessed (anyone who knows me) Happy Birthday Marius, I can’t wait to see you again <3

For future reference, this fic was written for Marius’s 2021 birthday. As of yet Tears of Themis has not been released for the English audiences. I have played the beta but there is a chance Marius will be a little out of character as a result of the timing.

Summary: You visit Marius’s work to celebrate his birthday with him, even if he’s a little busy

Marius x MC

Word count: 2.1k

Warnings: N/A

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The PAX building was an intimidating one. That thought always came into your mind when you approached it. While the Law Firm was also one of the large skyscrapers that made up the Stellis skyline, the PAX building was taller, and quite the intimidating addition to said skyline.

It wasn’t the first time you’d been here, far from it, but it was rare for you to go into PAX for a non professional reason, or without being explicitly invited by Marius. You looked up at the building, even without meaning to your eyes focused on the window you knew belonged to Marius’s office. There was a good chance he was in there right now.

Adjusting your bag over your shoulder you walked through the doors and into the bustling first floor.

You walked through the groups of professionally dressed employees standing to chat idly, or summarize the recent meetings they had. Or stop to enjoy their coffee for a little while before getting back to work.

“Welcome to the PAX group.” One of the receptionists started as you walked to the desk. “How can I help you today?” You cleared your throat, speaking as eloquently as you can.

“Hello, I’m here to see Mr. Von Hagen? I’m a friend.” You said to the receptionist. She raised an eyebrow and looked up at you. Scrutinizing your appearance.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Von Hagen doesn’t see anyone without a meeting.” You pressed your lips together,

“I can promise you he’s a good friend of mine, it’s his birthday and-”

“I’m sorry I have no way to verify that you are who you say you are.” The receptionist said. You reviewed your options in your head, clearly she wasn't going to let you go up there on the promise of being a friend.

After a moment of brainstorming an idea came to you, digging through your bag you showed the receptionist your work ID badge, listing you as a lawyer for the Themis Law Firm.

“I’m also Mr. Von Hagen’s personal lawyer, he knows who I am.” The receptionist squinted at the ID, hesitant of it’s quality and authenticity. After typing at her computer briefly she sighed and relented.

“Aright, I do see your name here. I’ll let you up there and I’ll give a call to Mr. Von Hagen’s assistant to let them know you’re here.” You thanked her and hurried to the elevator. The first challenge was dealt with, now it was just time to go through with the rest of the plan.

You piled into the elevator with a group of suited men heading to what you assumed were their own desks and offices throughout the building, but you’d be one of the only people going as far up, to nearly the top floor where Marius’s office would be found.

The elevator was nearly empty by the time you made it up, only a few people exiting with you.

One of Marius’s assistants was waiting for you on the other side of the elevator. They greeted you as you approached them.

“Good afternoon.” They said. “I’m afraid to say that Mr. Von Hagen has been stuck in meetings all day so I’m not sure if he’ll be able to see you.”

You pressed your lips together, you should have asked him in advance, he was usually busier than he always let on.

“Well I just have a couple things I want to show him, I’m happy to wait for when he has a spare moment.” The assistant seemed unsure but shrugged.

“Very well, I’ll take you to his office, you can wait there. I’ll let him know that you’re there.” You followed the assistant down the long hallway to the office at the end, the largest by far, belonging to Marius.

The assistant closed the door behind you, the office was neat and tidy as it always was. Although it was Marius’s office, you were always a little disappointed by just how little of Marius seemed to be in the office. The sleek professional furniture, the carefully organized files, cup full of standard ballpoint pens didn’t seem like Marius. The rebellious, creative and playful Marius you knew well and had grown to adore.

Sitting on the couch in his office you decided to make use of your time by setting the present you’d gotten him out on the table, along with the small cake box. With your job and caseload you hadn’t had the time to make a particularly fancy or intricate cake. But something small the two of you could easily share.

You hummed to yourself gently as you got everything set up. Your eyes focused on the work in front of you. So much so you didn’t even notice as the office doors opened while your back was turned.

“So.” A voice said from behind you. The sudden noise startled you, making you jump. Quickly turning around you were face to face with Marius. Dressed with a full suit, although he had that playful gaze he kept around you. Seeing him, your shoulders relaxed, and a smile crossed your face. “I heard you wanted to see me.”

“I hoped I could catch you for a minute for your birthday.” You explained to him. “I should have asked about your schedule, I wouldn’t have come if I knew you were so busy.” Marius shook his head.

“Nah I’m glad you’re here. It’s a perfect surprise.” Marius looked past you and to the table behind you where everything was set up. His eyes lighting up with that almost childlike excitement he got. However that excitement was quickly clouded.

You frowned. “You don’t have a lot of time huh?”

Marius hesitated to answer you. “I don’t have a lot of time, I have a meeting in a half hour.”

As you looked from Marius to the table you straighten your back and beamed at him. “Well then let’s make this a fun half hour! Enjoy the time we have.” With this the playfulness returned. The Marius you loved to see.

Sitting beside one another, you made quick work of slicing the cake into two even slices for the two of you.

“I’m afraid it’s nothing fancy.” You said. “But I have no doubt it tastes good and that’s what matters, doesn't it?”

“Did you make it?” Marius asked, a brow raised curiously.

“I did, I’m not a baker though so be warned.” Marius picked up the fork, picking up the perfect bite of cake to get both the cake and the frosting on top. Watching him closely you made note of his reaction. “What do you think?”

Marius nodded. “It’s good, I think I would even say I’m impressed.” You relaxed against the couch.

“I’m glad you like it.” You said. “I was worried it wasn’t going to be very good.” You took a bite to taste it yourself, the sweetness of the cake hitting your tongue immediately. You’d had better cakes, but still you couldn’t deny the little part of you that was proud of what you’d made.

Not wanting to waste your time you quickly leaned forward to push some presents closer. This seemed to grab Marius’s attention away from the cake in his hand. He set it down to pick up one of the gifts, looking over the basic wrapping paper.

“Go ahead.” You encouraged. “Open it up! Take a look.” Marius stared with the smallest one, quickly tearing off the paper without much thought. He pulled out two tickets, reading the tiny text on them. “They’re for an upcoming art exhibition I read about online, I thought it’d be fun to go together. I don’t know nearly as much about art as you do but maybe you could teach me some stuff.”

Marius smirked. “I guess I could spare some of my expansive art knowledge to impart some on you.”

Holding back from rolling your eyes instead you gave him your best genuine smile. “I would love that. I’d love to learn from you.” Marius seemed pleased by this, as evidenced by the redness that quickly started growing on his face. Looking back at the gift he tried to get himself back under control.

Similar to the first gift Marius tore the wrapping paper off the second one. This one, a hand held sketchbook, bound nicely with a leather cover, his initials MVH put onto the front. A small note you’d written scribbled onto the first page.

“This is-”

“Well, you’re always working so hard here, or studying hard at university, and I know you would probably much prefer to be in your studio painting. So, that’s a little sketchbook, one you can carry anywhere.” Flipping through the pages, Marius’s expression turned soft, warm, happy, not holding that playful spark. “I know you probably could afford any notebook in the world, but this one is customized just for you, not another one of these exists just like it.”

The softness in his face stayed even when he looked up at you, even when he looked down again.

“Thank you, for this.” He held it carefully in his hands, as if he was afraid of damaging it too soon. Before he could even put pencil to paper for the first time. There were still a couple gifts left, but you let him linger on that one. Trying to memorize every single second in your mind.

The rest of the gifts were more basic things, special sweets, some art supplies you’d seen when you passed by the art store on your way home. Despite how basic many of these smaller gifts were, he never seemed ungrateful, and equally happy to see each one.

All the presents unwrapped, and cake nearly finished you both sat together happily. Looking at Marius with the initial excitement wearing off you started to see the exhaustion peeking through. The heaviness in his eyes, the way his shoulders were stiff yet slumped. He looked tired, worn out already.

“Your assistant said you’ve been in meetings all day?”

Marius rubbed his eyes. “Yeah, PAX has a big thing coming up. I’ve been in meetings since eight. This is the first break I’ve had all day.” As he spoke he loosened his tie, letting it release some of the tension in his shoulders and neck.

“You look exhausted.” You said. He sighed and closed his eyes for a few seconds. “Have you been resting?”

Marius’s eyes opened again. “I was at my studio late last night. But I’m fine.”

You looked more concerned, you doubted he was really resting enough. With everything he did, there was no possible way he was letting himself take breaks. Even on his birthday he seemed to be working full steam ahead.

“Marius, why don’t you lay down for a bit? Let yourself rest?” Marius looked over at you, as if he was trying to think through it, crunching the numbers in his head. Gently touching his shoulder you turned him to face you, his eyes raised to look at your face. You loosened up his tie some more and unbuttoned the top button on his dress shirt to let him relax.

“Come on.” You said in a soft voice. “Rest for a little bit.”

He considered this for a little while longer. Then let long a long sigh, he let himself lean forward enough to rest his forehead against your shoulder. Reaching up you rubbed his back, gently massaging to let him relax against you.

“I can’t rest for long.” Marius muttered. “There’s that meeting-”

“Something is better than nothing.” You reminded him. “How about you lie down? You can rest with me until your meeting.” He was still for a little while longer, then lifted his head long enough to move.

Marius’s head was laying in your lap. You gently played with his hair, running your fingers through the strands. Marius’s eyes slipped closed, his breaths long and even.

“My meeting-”

“I’ll get you up when it’s time. Rest right now.” You told him. He sighed and let himself fully rest.

“Thank you.” He muttered.

“Happy birthday Marius.” You whispered to him. Watching him rest, you couldn’t help but smile. This moment was going to be over sooner than later, soon he’d have to get up and get himself cleaned up, he’d go to that meeting, and then the next one and the next one until he could call it a day. He’ll probably go to his studio again, even if he’s exhausted. He’ll try and get some rest, but eventually he’ll get up and start it all again.

But right now he’s with you and resting. Enjoying the short break he could afford. Maybe not the best birthday one could have, but one that was more than happy.

#tears of themis #tot #marius von hagen #lu jinghe #marius x reader #lu jinghe x reader #wrote this in one day with a wrist brace how's everyone else doin

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axel-tiredstudent · 3 months ago

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Haikyuu sticker/charm designs!!! 🏐

More characters: 1 || 2 || 3

what are other characters I haven't done yet that you would like to see in this style? 👀 these were really fun so i might do more in the future and id love to know who people wanna see!!

if you are wondering why i chose to draw some characters but i didnt add others that's because this project started as me drawing my friends' favorite characters!!! i asked my friends who are into hq who their fav is drew that character!

#i already have a list of characters id love to do in the future too but i wanna ear who the people want to see too hehe #i may do stickers of these in the future :)#my art #haikyuu #haikyuu!!#hq #nekoma #fukurodani #aoba johsai #fanart #anime #manga #sticker design #chibi art #kuroo tetsurou #kozume kenma #bokuto koutarou #akaashi keiji #oikawa tooru

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theguardianace · 3 years ago

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Art by my incredible boygirlfriend /p @soleiltido

Hey hey hey!!!

I’m Ace! Nice to meet you :)

Update- I have a Card in my Bio now! Please read that instead :) This is outdated!

A bit about me-

If we’re friends, I don’t mind you using nicknames for me! (Acey and Aceyroni are the most common ones)

I’m aromantic, asexual, and non-binary (demigirl), and I use she/they pronouns.

I am a minor, but 15+

Platonically married to @soleiltido, my girlboyfriend that is not afraid to throw hands :)

My top kins are Tsukidate Keisuke and Sugawara Koushi, if that tells you anything about me.

INFJ and 9w1 (if that means anything to you)

I tend to use tone indicators! If you want to learn some of the most commonly used ones, I have a Quizlet. Just ask me for the link :)

Unless specifically stated in the tags, all my posts are 100% a-ok to reblog :)

Most things I say are /lh and/or /j so if you are like “are they being mean?” Nope! Just playful :) It makes me feel icky to be mean.

I post a lot!! Me and my friends are no strangers to the post limit.

My ask box is always open. If you want to send something, go ahead!! If I don’t respond, it’s because I’m saving it for something or simply forgot to answer. You can always ask if I got something, I won’t be annoyed!!

Feel free to tag me in whatever. If I don’t respond, it’s either because I already have been tagged in it or I forgot.

Don’t worry about spam liking or reblogging! I love to see my friends in my notes :)

I personally don’t swear, but some of the things I reblog may contain mild language

I try and tag long posts and triggers as often as I can, but if there’s something I missed or you want me to tag in the future, please let me know!

I’d really appreciate it if you tagged fanart that includes kissing with #kissing, as well as a tag warning for chewing noises and cracking knuckles. If you’re reading this that means you also get access to my weird fear: wild mushrooms. So like. If there’s a photo of a mushroom. Yeah that would be nice to tag too

I’ve started to add image IDs to my own posts. Let me know how I can make them better!

What do I post?

Short answer: whatever I want. Long answer:

Anime I like (watch list down below!!)

Asexuality/Aromantisism/some Gender stuff

Frogs. Many frogs.

I will go feral over any mention of any of my comfort shows or characters (eg Sugawara Koushi, Pokemon, HTTYD, you name it)

Art! side blog is @gilbertandrivers. Requests are always open :)

Pokémon sideblog is @aceymon

Me and the mutuals hanging out <3

And occasionally I make a good joke

Ace, you mentioned anime. Which ones have you seen? (If parentheses, state next episode to watch)

Bakuten!!

Mob Psycho 100

Haikyuu!! (S4E1 [please don’t yell at me Zuzu I will finish I promiseeeee])

Pokémon (Journeys 69) (nice)

Puraore! Pride of Orange (E4)

Violet Evergarden

Heaven’s Official Blessing

Given

Erased

Stars Align

Toilet-bound Hanako-kun

A Silent Voice

The Disastrous Life of Saiki K

Sarazanmai

Yuri!!! on Ice

The Promised Neverland (S1 completed, not watching S2- will read manga instead)

Bungo Stray Dogs (S2E1)

Link Click (E3)

Sk8 the Infinity (E3)

Re-Main (E3)

Jujutsu Kaisen (E8)

Demon Slayer (E8)

And some non-anime honorable mentions

Avatar: The Last Airbender

Gravity Falls

The Dragon Prince

How to Train Your Dragon

Big Hero 6

My personal tags (only apply to my own posts, not reblogs)

Show liveblogs

#ace watches pokÉmon (Pokémon live-blogging)

#ace has dragged zip down with them (Pokemon live blogging, but it’s my friend Zip watching it instead);

#ace watches the show with the turtle (Re-Main live blogging)

#ace watches violet evercrying (Violet Evergarden live blogging- completed)

#ace watches Saiki Kageyama 100 (Mob Psycho 100 live blogging- completed, for now at least (s3 pleeeeeaaaase) )

#ace watches the show purely because she got such intense gender envy from riza hawkeye that they legally had to (Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood live blogging- not started)

#ace watches NOT kappas: the musical! featuring angst (Idol 7 live blogging- not started)

#ace watches kappas: the musical! featuring angst (Sarazanmai live blogging- completed)

#ace watches gay fish: Disney edition (Luca live blogging- completed)

Game liveblogs

#ace plays BOTW but its mobile and the target audience is bisexuals (Genshin Impact)

#ace plays the game that makes her inner Greek myth nerd and art appreciator very happy (Hades- hiatus)

#ace plays their ideal game (Pokemon Snap- completed?)

#ace plays shield (current Pokémon Shield tag, may change)

Miscellaneous

#ace answers an ask! (asks)

#ace answers an ask!: game edition (ask games)

#ace’s poketober (inktober 2021, using Pokémon prompts)

#pokemon posting hours (I have a problem with reblogging Pokemon fanart. Was on a queue, moved to @aceymon!)

#tw (insert trigger) (trigger warnings, let me know if you need tags!)

#(insert name) hit the post limit (post limit shenanigans)

#ace go to sleep challenge (I need to go to bed. If you see me active after I post one of these, please yell at me)

#ace’s archive (favorites)

#acey’s gay liddl thoughts (I guess it’s a writing tag? Basically me being incredibly gay)

#ace is a nerd actually if you couldn’t tell (school stuff)

#sol my sunshine :) (My beloved Sol’s tag)

#tea dear <3 (My beloved Tea’s tag)

Please don’t follow if you are

Exclusionary/phobic of any LGBTQIA+ identities (including but not limited to panphobic, aphobic, don’t think neopronouns are real, etc)

TERF

NSFW blog

And other standard DNI criteria

My core belief is that everyone deserves to be treated with respect. If that somehow offends you in any way don’t bother hanging around here.

I think that just about covers it! Have a nice day <3

#intro post #please don’t reblog #last update: 10/2/2021

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aroclawthornes · 3 years ago

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Blooming Brilliant, an Aroace Willow Park Manifesto

[id: a gif of a heart locket opening. One half of the locket displays a picture of Willow Park from The Owl House, winking and making peace signs with her fingers. Blue and yellow stars surround her. The other half reads "willow park my beloved." /end id.]

Greetings! It’s me, User Aroclawthornes, and instead of working on all the time-sensitive homework I have I sat down and wrote an essay explaining why I think Willow Park OwlHouse could plausibly be read as aroace, and why it would be a thematically enriching interpretation. I’ve never written anything like this before, so it’s oddly formal, a little pretentious, and contains a lot of qualifying language, but I'm confident that it gets my point across. I’m not intending to speak over other interpretations of Willow or assert that it's the only true way to read her, but it's a headcanon I find interesting, and I think there’s a lot of evidence to back it up, between certain elements that Willow’s arc employs to some good old overanalysed symbolism. If you're aspec, I hope this is validating; if you're not, I hope it's interesting; if you don't care, scrolling past it is quick, free, and easy.

Some disclaimers on terminology: I’m speaking from an aroace perspective, and so when I say “aspec coding” I’m generally referring to both orientations as a catch-all - a lot of the coding surrounding Willow could go either way. I’m also going to be talking about commonly accepted “aspec” narratives, but I’m aware of the limitations of this insofar as my experiences are only a single facet of the diverse range of aspec people in this world, so anyone who wants to add or argue anything - respectfully - is encouraged to.

Analysis below the cut!

The Thing About Plants

I’m not going to pretend that an association with plants is historically indicative of aspec coding, because, frankly, there haven’t been enough aspec characters to establish it as a convention, and it’s also a fairly wide-reaching branch of symbolism. However, I am going to propose that lighthearted comparisons between asexual people and plants (however misguided on functions of plant reproduction they are) are fairly common elements of budding ace teenage humour, as are related quips about photosynthesis.

[id: a screenshot of Willow from "I Was A Teenage Abomination", depicting her sitting on the ground while casting a spell over a small, pink flower. /end id.]

I’m also not going to claim that the colour green Belongs To Aromantics, and therefore that All Plants Are Belong To Us, but in tandem with everything else I’m about to cover, the connection between Willow and plants seems like a fairly plausible nudge to a relatively common element of aspec humour.

“Half-a-witch” Willow and the Late Bloomer Experience

[id: a screenshot of Willow with glowing green eyes, from "I Was A Teenage Abomination", depicting her summoning a mess of thorned vines. /end id]

Willow is literally nicknamed “half-a-witch”, in reference to her supposedly incomplete state - this is a sentiment eerily reminiscent of the pressure to find one’s “other half”, which affects aspec - especially aromantic - people particularly profoundly. She’s considered a late bloomer, someone who hasn’t reached the societal milestones of growth at the expected age, and who is derided and considered immature as a result of this perceived failure. However, we quickly discover that Willow is, in fact, an exceptionally competent and powerful witch - taken out of the restricting frame of the Abominations track, she’s able to grow into her own, “complete” person, therefore proving that she was never really lacking in anything in the first place. Like real-life aroace people, she was perceived as limited and immature based on the expectations and judgements of other people, but Willow was never deficient in anything, least of all herself.

[id: a screenshot of Willow and Luz from "I Was A Teenage Abomination". They are holding hands - the former is laughing with her eyes closed, and the latter is grinning, while covered in abomination goop. /end id]

As far as symbolism goes...the track Willow is initially put in literally requires her to conjure up another humanoid entity, with the expectation that she will therefore prove herself to be a whole and mature person. Only with this ability, she’s told, will she be successful and happy as an adult. The shapelessness of her attempts at conjuring an abomination reinforces this connection in my mind - if I may reference this quote from Ducktales 2017‘s (absolutely stellar) A Nightmare On Killmotor Hill, in which the protagonists explore their own subconscious fears via. the dream realm, for a second:

“I think that’s supposed to be my romantic interest, but I’m too threatened by the concept, so it never takes shape.”

A lot of young aroace people find themselves in situations where they attempt to convince themself of their interest in someone in an attempt to be “normal,” or end up lying in response to family members or friends’ questions about crushes. While Willow’s abominations, first and foremost, represent the expectations from her school, classmates, and family to be a successful, “complete” witch with a profitable future, I think that with an aroace interpretation of Willow they could also very easily be read as representing some latent insecurities over a lack of attraction, or pressure to find a significant other.

(I’m not condemning Willow’s dads, by the way - they seem like perfectly lovely fellas, and I’m confident that they were doing what they thought was best for her. They’re certainly very quick to drop everything to assure her future in Escaping Expulsion, so obviously they care about their daughter very much.)

Greens, Blues, and Yellows: Colour-Coding Willow Park

A while back, I made this post comparing Willow’s palette to the aromantic and aroace flags:

[id: a screenshot of a post depicting the aromantic and aromantic asexual flags, colour-picked from images of Willow in her Hexside uniform and casual dress respectively - these are overlaid on top of the flags. The caption reads "observations on willow park". /end id.]

The grey-and-green aromantic flag has long been the accepted mainstream symbol of aromanticism, and, as the above post - and many others - demonstrate, Willow’s palette reflects it near-perfectly. This could easily be a coincidence, owing to the palette of the standard Hexside Plant Track uniform, as well as her hair and eye colours - which are obviously supposed to be reflective of her plant-related abilities. However, given how fond of employing hidden meanings The Owl House has shown itself to be, I don’t think it’s far-fetched to claim that there’s at least a chance that her palette was constructed with the flag in mind.

The latter is...a bit more problematic for me, although it’s fun to joke about. The blue-and-yellow aroace flag was only created in December 2018, relatively late into The Owl House’s initial production, and it’s still relatively obscure, although on the rise in popularity as the accepted aroace flag (I only recently started using it myself), so I don’t know if Willow’s casual wear is enough to verify the presence of any deliberate subtext. I think it’s a fun coincidence, however, and (as was pointed out in this post) it’s cool that these blue and yellow stars surrounding Willow occur in the same frame as Luz’s bisexual decor:

[id: a photograph of Luz, Gus, and Willow, all surrounding a disgruntled-looking Principal Bump. Luz has flowers in the colours of the bisexual flag decorating her hair, while Willow is surrounded by bright blue and yellow stars. /end id.]

also seen above: powerful bi/aspec solidarity

Conclusion:

Do I genuinely believe that Willow is being deliberately written this way? If you’d asked me, say, two months ago, I’d have said probably not - as far as queer representation in kids’ cartoons has come, it has a ways to go, and focusing on transgender characters seems like a more obvious (and equally invaluable) route to go down. I can name maybe five explicitly aspec characters off the top of my head, two of whom have been written as alloromantic and/or sexual in adaptations or continuations of the source material (I have...some grievances with 2005 Doctor Who). But the emergence of Raine, an explicitly nonbinary character on Disney Channel, has given me a little spark of hope, and so, even if it’s never confirmed, it’s comforting to be able to see a character with such strong elements of aspec coding and think to myself, just maybe, that there might be some intent behind it.

I also...really want to see interesting things done with Willow. We’re halfway through Season 2, and despite some promising setup for her arc in the Season 1 finale, she’s sort of been left by the wayside lately in favour of developing the more “plot-relevant” characters, such as Luz, Amity, Eda, and Hunter. Frankly, I think it’s a disservice to her Season 1 development, despite how much I adore all the characters I just listed - beyond any personal motivation, the prospect that Willow could be aroace adds a lot of sorely-sought depth to her, and, as detailed, a lot of this has already been set up in her earlier episodes. I just...I think it’d be neat. Rarely do you get a kids’ show so brazenly queer in its themes as Owl House, and aspec people deserve to be included in that.

Willow would also be great aroace representation because, well - those five or so aspec characters I mentioned being aware of are all white or “raceless” (...also written as white, basically), and so an aspec Asian character would be a really lovely step forward in this area. Additionally, all the characters I referred to are also conventionally skinny, and Willow is not only fat, but written in a way that doesn’t treat this feature as a caricature. People who are more knowledgeable on these topics than I are absolutely free to make additions, as is anyone who feels like I’ve left certain details out.

tl;dr: Willow’s association with plants could be read as a cool nod to aspec humour, her “late bloomer” narrative is eerily reminiscent of some common aspec experiences, her palette speaks for itself, and it’d be really cool if we could diversify the so-far fairly bland sphere of aspec representation.

I’m going to conclude this by linking Rose by The Oh Hellos, because they’re my favourite band, they share The Owl House’s initials, and I also think it’s a good Willow song. Peace out.

youtube

#the owl house #willow park #pspspspsps you will read my 1.5k word aroace willow essay #hooting #meta #willow #aroace willow manifesto #fuck it. this is getting posted

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hei-ch0u · 4 years ago

Text

It’s long...(fair warning) ✰

Shingeki no Kyojin 139 (Theories)

Since everyone is throwing around their theories from the wild to the more likely, I thought I should contribute. After all, it will be the last time we can theorise this amazing manga full of all its twists and turns. Like most, I do agree with the popular fan theories simply because this manga is consistently unpredictable with each chapter. Let’s face it, some stories are easily picked apart these days and finding one that continuously has you thinking about what could occur is a winning tale. So first, I will start off by saying that I am so sad that Shingeki no Kyojin is coming to an end. But! I will never forget this amazing manga as I have grown so attached to the characters and the story as you can tell from the past nearly 9 years of running this blog. So, thank you yams for being such a genius! Regardless of the ending, it will go down in history as one of the best stories I personally have ever read and witnessed.

With typical fan theories, I won’t go into them too much as I feel the concept of the “time loop” has been written about to filth and I think it is very blatantly clear at this point that the concept of a time loop is very likely in one way or another given the overall concept within aot/snk in general - there is a obvious manipulation of past, present and future. I will hold my hands up and say that I definitely do agree with ‘some’ popular fan theories and will list a fair few below in brief detail - as I do think they are highly likely to be true in some way or at least implied within the last chapter. Now, with the usual leak dates coming up on the horizon, I wanted to put my input in before hand. Although, because of recent prosecution warnings for leaking the final chapter - I would advise others just to wait for the 9th of April on official release for concrete facts rather than speculations and leaks simply because we have seen with past few chapters that a lot of false spoilers get released and I think with the final chapter it would be wise to wait as I have previously stated on here that it will be the ‘revelation’ chapter that ties this manga together.

So! With the typical fan theories, we see the likes of:

Eren being the baby daddy to Historia’s baby

Eren sacrificing his reason for living - freedom. By being the greater evil to bring about the greater good

The baby itself could become the new beast titan or baby Eren/Ymir reborn

Eren isn’t dead, but on Paradis by way of transferring his subconscious into a crystallised version of himself

Eren and Ymir have struck a deal

And of course - the time loop concept

…The list is endless of popular fan theories. It would be silly not to agree with any of them given the story and where we are currently at, its very clear that Historia, Eren and Ymir will play a big part somehow in the final chapter (if not id be genuinely shocked) since majority of the past few chapters they have been absent in full form and I feel this needs to be explained. After all we still haven’t seen the full extent of the memories of past/future that Eren was aware of from his contact with Historia and his connection with Ymir in Paths. We saw 137 being predominantly Armin based, 138 being Mikasa based and I think it is only reasonable given his absence as the initial protagonist that Eren will be the revelation within 139. Ultimately culminating EMA / the trio as a whole. We began with them, so it only makes sense to end with them (albeit separately as individuals).

Moving on, as you can see I agree with said fan theories as I think any route could be possible! The thing with Shingeki no Kyojin is that it has many hidden ‘Easter eggs’ (how fitting given its easter), whether it be in the background of scenes, characters wording, placement of scenes/characters, flashbacks, paths and even in the opening and ending credits of the anime we see hidden meanings through imagery. It has all been laid out very well for our finding, its just if we have an intuitive enough imagination to pick it apart and figure things out. This leads on to my own theory/theories (it can go any way and I wont sugarcoat it - I could be reaching)

I generally have 2 theories that run about in my head with how the story itself could turn out or how it works. Both theories kind of tie together in one way or another featuring predominantly Eren and then Mikasa or overall ‘Ackerman’ blood/gene concept and its potential involvement in control of said time loop. I will do my best to include manga panels to give visual insight to the points.

To begin, I want to touch on Mikasa's “dream” in 138 - although devastating, I think it is being taken as the opposite of what it was and personally I see many looking at it through rose tinted glasses. This wasn’t an alternative universe (in my opinion), this was Mikasa’s Ideal life - her dream. When it comes to Eren as a connection to Mikasa, he is her reason for being, even in death she chooses not to part with him for her own good and creates a dreamlike reality for herself to make herself go through with the deed. She as a character has dominantly surrounded her existence on Eren, he is categorised many times within the manga as ‘home’ - like other fan theories have stated, it has been mentioned many times Mikasa referencing the word ‘home’ and also how she wants to ‘be close to him’ because it gives her comfort and strength. The Ackermans as a whole have attachments to people and this is where they ultimately gain strength from. Without any of the Ackermans ‘attachments’ being in danger or being killed, their powers wouldn’t be awakened and without them I feel their strength almost weakens until they find a new reason for living to keep moving forward. I’ll touch more on the ‘Ackerman’ theory later as its one of the open loopholes still currently alive within the manga.

Mikasa has always been a character that confuses me, particularly with the way she acts and things she says or thinks. She has said many things that don’t make sense unless she has a certain belief system or knows of things from past lives.

Examples:

As you can see and I will produce more evidence of such comments further in. She implies that she either believes in reincarnation or she is aware of different periods within the said time loop. She speaks of starting over, being dead and returning and implies in different ways that she is scared of the same thing happening again. The last panel - what plan is she on about here? Her own plan. In my opinion it is - "Don't let Eren die". As we have seen, that may be what has to happen. It's fate. She interferes with this and never lets him go.

Mikasa does have an unhealthy bond with Eren, I do think he loves her ( I’m not dismissing that ) but do I think its the type of intense love she feels? no. Some things she has came out with has even shocked other characters and countless times her comrades have tried to ‘break the barrier’ to get her to realise her way of thinking when it comes to Eren is unhealthy. Hence why I think we seen Jean in this particular scene below so frustrated

not because he himself has feelings for her, but because she’s not letting them get through to her that she is refusing to believe Eren could ultimately be a changed person (which he definitely is, I’ll not go into my rant of why he isn’t ‘evil or a ‘monster’ because i’ve done so already) but overall, Mikasa constantly makes excuses for Eren and doesn’t recognise it, her life revolves around being close to Eren and she gets very emotionally troubled at the idea of not being with him or him ultimately taking a path that doesn’t involve her. We even seen Annie question her and this wasn't many chapters ago and she replies with the same mindset of bringing back "the old Eren". He is not the person he once was particularly as a child. Something that is implied at beginning of manga, it opens with them as children and somehow links with 138.

As stated by Armin below we see him even explaining to Mikasa that Eren’s never close, he always takes his own route and that ultimately both Armin and Mikasa aren’t his reason for living. Let’s face it - Freedom is Eren’s reason for being, his only desire. Armin has also expressed disbelief and almost frustration at her way of thinking when it comes to him (below examples) I think in a way the famed ‘table scene’ was Eren trying to break the bond, but he’s not doing that for no reason, its implied he does it to protect them, but it could also be because of what he has seen in memories past and future - he has perhaps became aware of Mikasa’s involvement within paths and the loop. He has to try to alter her way of thinking to protect her, but maybe also himself.

Armin + Other comrades reactions to Mikasa’s mindset

Another visual point to make regarding Mikasa’s ties with previous loops and Armin, was her comment made about him at a very early stage in the manga just after Eren had been eaten by a titan after saving Armin - leaving his fate at this point unknown.

this is implying that Mikasa has some knowledge of previous times Armin has helped them with his ‘ability’ which if we are referencing him as a character is his methodical intelligence. But, even here he is confused by the comment, simply because at this point there has been no signs of Armin’s usage of this ability - mainly fear and lack of confidence with that in comparison of his peers. We don’t necessarily see this until perhaps even a chapter later and as far as we are aware, Mikasa doesn't follow through with “i’ll tell you about it later”.

I don’t know about anyone else, but it seems odd she has such an attachment to Eren like this that is so intense. It’s not normal to be as intense as she is about someone unless she is used to losing that person over and over. Even as children Mikasa acted possessive over the ‘concept’ of Eren dying - it wasn’t allowed to happen. She doesn’t have this intense reaction with Armin or other comrades. She fixates on the idea of Eren being her saviour, the one to give her a ‘home’ and a ‘purpose’. Mikasa consistently opposes his death and his death alone, I can only see this from a standpoint that deep within her own memory she has experienced his death countless times before. She even uses force a couple of times to increase this intensity. Here are some examples of this even in childhood -

There are many more examples of this throughout the manga and her refusal to accept that what she doesn’t want, may just happen. Now this might just be my over active imagination or my own ability of media studies kicking in. But, previously I had been under the impression in the presence of a time loop that Eren was in charge of it and controlling it, that somehow it would constantly reoccur when he himself died and he would have to come up with a way to either prevent his death or ultimately stop the timeline of the titans. Whether that be under making a deal with Ymir herself or by essentially “breaking the wheel” and turning others against him to show Eldians as triumphant heroes.

However, the more i’ve thought about it and given the revelations of 138 - i would be more inclined to say it is Mikasa Ackerman herself due to either her specifically or her Ackerman gene. There is something about the bloodline that is missing and we have not had the fabled Ackertalk or much explanation of how they work (something I’d like to see covered in 139 - although i feel it will be an Eren chapter, I also think it will include the visions Eren has seen to give an explanation of why the previous 138 chapters played out the way they did)

I think there is a possibility Eren had to break the wheel on the loop, Mikasa would go back each time and always Eren would die, something we’ve established she tries to prevent and never accepts. The only escape was her accepting his death therefore he did everything he could to push her away, break the bond and push her to kill him to end the cycle (since he’s seen the future). As I have a hunch previously in other loops he was not killed by her hand - it had to be her to break the cycle or vice versa (but we will get to this).

there is hints of this in the “Lost Girls” OVA. Yes, I am aware it’s said that OVAS are not necessarily canon per say, but I don’t think it would have so many open links if Isayama himself didn't want it to. This particular one gives many hints to Mikasa’s involvement in the loop and alternative universe theories. The anime adaptations are on point with showing us details we only recognise after more plot points are revealed. It may explain the headaches, every time Eren dies, she reverses the loop or changes realities. This ailment could be a product of her memory issues. In the OVA we see Mikasa in real time thinking about Eren and his constant state of taking his own path.

After this moment, the said “Scene” she speaks of is revealed to us. Another example of Mikasa’s dreamlike state or perhaps another timeline? We are taken back to the time where she had given up, had ran out of gas, a titan was approaching and she was ‘lost’ - her reason for being was gone and she knew her death was coming, but also in the manga during this scene she is “worried” she’ll have to start again (above in examples). This again implies she knows something we don’t. We then hear Mikasa’s voice speaking to Mikasa herself, telling her that if she simply didn’t like this reality she could choose the place she wanted, but as we have seen before - she can’t stop his death.

The peculiar scene in this OVA that got me intrigued by this theory is the masked figure and young mikasa scene. Mikasa is rushing to meet with Eren and Armin to escape the walls in a hot air balloon, but she has to be there by a certain time or the plan fails. As she is running she is stopped by a mysterious masked figure who asks her to join in on his hypnotism trick to spectators. Comments he makes involve him telling her that her ‘friend’ will ultimately leave her and that she couldn’t accept his death and created this universe. Also, that he is no one, but someone at the same time. I think this holds great significance since the strange thing about this is that his voice mirages into a distant adult Mikasa.

implying that she has to ‘kill’ a part of herself or she has to die to prevent and hault the loop. She has to return from her idealistic dreams of keeping him alive as it will only fail otherwise. Upon hearing of Eren’s yet again untimely death within this universe, she begins to have memory flashes of multiple scenes appearing within her eyes with a typical media ‘rewind’ sound as she wakes up back in the street with no gas and a titan approaching but... she says something I find interesting and links to what Eren says at the beginning of the manga

“the feeling I’ve had a really long dream”

We witness Mikasa have these “headaches” multiple times within the manga and in the anime they are heavily focused on whenever it happens, which we can only recognise that this is an important part of the story itself. Eren too has random headaches, just not as much as Mikasa, he mainly experiences them when he accesses new memories. However, what if Mikasa too is affected by memories she cannot tap into or it is paths/ackerman gene warning her she is repeating past mistakes?

Notice how there is a lot of emphasis on the word ‘again’ when it comes to her headaches or the thought of losing Eren. It is constantly repeated. I think it is highly likely she only remembers some parts from previous loops, but the one that sticks is simply - she has to save Eren each time, but fails. Everything begins again after his or her’s demise. Perhaps each time Eren is the one who dies first, creating a somewhat butterfly effect. That maybe Mikasa has died once like she implies in previous example. However, the one to die first (in this case primarily Eren) loses all memories of the past loops - again this is implied as Eren does tell Mikasa he cannot remember his dream. I think deep within his mind Mikasa does remember, but given the fact she has potentially reversed the outcome many times...her memory is simply warped - that or she died in the previous loop and lost those components.

Will she not remember due to her memories being altered in her death?

Either way something needs to change. Eren Kruger says this in Eren’s attack titan memories. They are doing something wrong.

I believe Eren in 138 within Mikasa’s dream, was trying to tell her to move on, not necessarily forget him, but at least accept his passing - to stop the loop reoccurring, he influenced part of her reality...maybe with the help of Ymir. In a way it could be implied Eren almost regrets wrapping the scarf around her (this is heavily emphasised as a symbol of their relationship), for me the scarf seems like a softer symbolism for a chain - a binding if you will. By wrapping it round Mikasa he binds her to him. He has always insisted she should throw it away, even in 138 within her own conjured reality he says the same. She needs to kill this part of herself or “the same history” will be repeated. I do have a HUGE feeling in my heart, head and gut that Mikasa may need to end up dead first as I do have another HUGE feeling that Eren is not dead (maybe its wishful thinking, but his death doesn’t make sense right now, so Yams I trust in you for explanation). His death seemed too convenient.

Now, before I go onto “Ackerman” gene factors, I’ll briefly bring in another peculiarity I have always had about a particular scene in the beginning of the manga. After it is decided Eren will carry the boulder to plug the wall, Eren (the attack titan) seemingly loses control and succumbs to pure rage, in turn he attacks Mikasa. Something he hasn’t done against humans unless its free will.

However, a part of me has always felt that this could be the attack titan itself (in past inhabitants and memories) recognising her as a threat and trying to rid her of the world first to avoid the loop of Eren dying first to Mikasa controlling the loop to return to try to save Eren - nothing changes. This is what I meant by “breaking the wheel”, we have saw it in other tales, things can’t change unless you choose a different path than the same one with the same brutal cycle. As Kruger says, to save Mikasa and Armin, Eren has to change things - this could be to separate not only Armin, but Mikasa from him, that maybe in previous loops...they follow him. In this instance, he has definitely separated Armin and by way of second hand - Mikasa too. Hence why Ymir says goodbye to Eren in 138, he is free. Another notable concept is that aot/snk is made up of trios, we see it in:

Eren / Mikasa / Armin

Reiner / Bertholdt / Annie

Connie / Jean / Sasha

Hanji / Erwin / Levi

Levi / Farlan / Isabel

Kenny / Levi / Mikasa

It would partially make sense for the trio to be the reasoning for the ending. Almost illuminati based - very yams style.

Why not Mikasa?

Lets talk Ackerman and a slightly different theory, but with relation!

(Obviously, I cannot provide much evidence to support any Ackerman based theories other than what has already been provided, which isn’t a lot to be fair. Dammit Yams)

I want to briefly start off on the Ackerman front with a brief comparison of our two currently known Ackermans: Levi and Mikasa. The main categorising difference between these two is that Levi moves on regardless of what happens to him or his comrades or his ‘attachments’. He also does not appear to experience these headaches, some say he does, but I can’t find evidence. Isayama shows these headaches with a throbbing sign around Mikasa’s head - so unless the Ackertalk happens and Levi confirms it, its still absent in theory. Levi treats Ackerman-ism as moving on, making choices with no regrets (as his backstory indicates) and even in current states he has said he doesn’t regret his decisions. It is why he is able to move forward and keep surviving. Its simple...his mindset is stronger than Mikasa's, she is the weaker link. This could be due to age difference and overall past experience, Levi has more life experience as an Ackerman to have mastered his emotion and reactions to outcomes - he accepts the bad.

Mikasa is weaker in this regard, perhaps if you link it back to the theory of her control of the loop...due to this weakness she creates the loop since she can’t accept his death and tries to return to make amends. I think in reality, Eren knows due to the attack titan ability - he will die. Hence why he appeared so shocked upon making contact with Historia to then very depressed and detached before vanishing in Marley. He became aware of the outcome and I don’t know about anyone else, but I’d be depressed too after finding out my life was made to end especially since all he wanted as a character was Freedom. Eren x Freedom will be the only canon ship at this rate.

However, I do think the only way she can create said loop is through her Ackerman gene. Ackermans are products of ‘titan science’, they were genetically engineered (if you want to put it that way) to have titan like abilities while still maintaining their human form and sense of self being. Created to protect the Fritz family (royal blood), to eventually being ostracised for their dismissal of the plan to wipe Eldian’s memories. Therefore banished, but allowed to live, I can only see there being one reason why - they would be still useful at some point and their deaths/extinction would be wasteful.

From what we know and can tell from mere viewing, the Ackermans are very skilled and powerful beings that have ‘hosts’ or attachments (I like this name better) to channel their goals, strength and energy into. They were made to protect, fight and survive. The only surviving Ackermans are Levi and Mikasa.

They cannot be affected by the founding titan and their memories cannot be altered. But, this brings about another question. Why were they created to protect the founding titan, yet could not be controlled by it? The theory with this bloodline is that they can do more than what we see, that they themselves don’t know it yet. One in particular can alter realities - that being Mikasa (as we don’t have mass amounts of information on Levi’s experiences other than his surge of power awakenings demonstrated throughout the manga to confirm his part) due to fact Levi really only knew he was an Ackerman within his 30′s after the previous Ackerman - Kenny, dies and informs him of this. Mikasa has always been aware.

Mikasa’s ‘Power’ ultimately has something to do with the Attack Titan and the Founding titan - that being Eren and Ymir combined. In past loops, I believe each time she has seen Eren die she has said “see you later, Eren”... hence the ending of 138 and the beginning of the manga. Isayama did say the beginning would relate to the ending. Each time this happens they are transcended to the point Eren wakes up at the tree within the walls to begin once more, its the only clear explanation for why Eren comments of her hair length. The attack titan itself is the component of Ymir that captivates her freedom, it continues to move forward for 2000 years each successor until one has the power (the desire for freedom like her) to release her from enslavement to the power of the titans. In this instance Eren too has been a slave to the power, lets for arguments sake blame Grisha for passing it on to him.

Again, with the Ackermans there is something I’ve always noticed between Levi and Mikasa - they have never touched skin to skin. It has always been over their clothing. I wonder if their Ackerman powers may stem similar to how Eren draws memories from contact with the royal family, i.e. Historia. They need to touch in order to access Paths and manifest it into their control. Eren is aware of this due to his connection to Ymir - there is heavy implied material to denote the idea of Ragnarok and reincarnation. Eren is the reincarnate of Ymir and previously I don’t think they were aware of this.

For anyone not familiar with the term “Ragnorok” - its definition has multiple meanings in Norse mythology. Particularly - development, origin, cause, relation and fate. It is a series of events that often lead to a great battle, the deaths of multiple people of importance to the ultimate end revelation of the world being remade and fertile (the opposite of Zeke’s plan) with the remaining ‘gods’ returning and ‘two’ human survivors repopulating the world. I personally believe this to be either two of these: Levi and Mikasa or Eren and Historia by the way of Ymir as the ultimate god, but just in different ways. The Ragnorok element is particularly of importance within Germanic studies, this would connect with Shingeki no Kyojin since it is implied its set in early germany/europe and given characters name origins - it makes sense.

The two human survivors are that of Lif and Lifbrasir (shown below) who survive by ‘hiding’ in the woods while the great battle commences.

They repopulate the world starting with a daughter. In germanic regions, the concept of mankind originated from trees is an ancient notion “the tree of life” essentially. Trees have a massive importance and connection in Shingeki no Kyojin, we see Eren wake up at one in the beginning, the main Path coordinate resembles a tree, Ymir originated from trees and being within the woods would indicate “trees”. This would make me more inclined to believe the Eren and Historia theory to be likely, simply because Historia is all the way back in Paradis and potentially Eren himself by transferring subconscious. To me it seems very likely the leaked final panel released by Yams himself is Eren holding a child rather than anyone else as whoever this figure is tells the child they are free and this could only relate to both Ymir and Eren, the ones who sought freedom. This could mean in this instance Levi and Mikasa are the ‘gods’, the ones with the power to restore and mend, again through the concept of the Ackerman Gene being more than what meets the eye. Ymir will be reborn ultimately and no longer enslaved as will Eren.

Ragnarok and Shingeki no Kyojin combined have connotations of ‘fate’ being a big part of their depths. It is fated. Everything is. Just like Eren’s death and potentially ability to be reborn into another timeline. Just like Eren’s fate to obtain the founding titan and attack titan, both very powerful titans in the manipulation of time and events. Eren makes a statement around chapter 123 in Paths when talking with Zeke that if someone tried to take his freedom, no matter who, he would remove theirs. That he has been like that since birth because he was “born into this world”.

Zeke: “Since birth?”

this further implies fate. He was born free, he expresses detest for people who aren’t free and bound by something, 2000 years, Ymir etc. This only ties together if Eren himself in past lives was someone with the same views and personality traits, like Mikasa, except hers are the opposite. Paths has always been there and everything that has happened in the past is imbedded within its clutches through Ymir. These two titans needed to be combined, Grisha was informed by Eren himself through Kruger and future versions of himself that he had to obtain the founder or nothing could be changed. Grisha is even seen asking Eren to show him everything that happens, whether carla dies etc. He did not have full control, this was made for Eren’s inhabitant period and he did not have access to all memories due to only being able to access the ones the future successor sends back in time. Like the mirror scene for example, Eren is speaking to someone else, not himself. Grisha was only instructed to go within the walls and have a family. Eren was instructed to save everyone. Remember that the common rule with time is that you cannot change the past or it significantly alters the future.

I believe all the memories (the ones we are seeing even now) are actually in paths, the story has always had an indication it is being ‘narrated’ by someone - in most instances this is Armin. This has implied he will survive into the future, but that others may not. How this will happen...I can only theorise that Ymir will factor into who lives or dies. She will need to leave paths however, the only way the titan curse will end is if she leaves and no one is there to build titans. She will be either reborn to capture her freedom or reborn through Eren for them both to obtain the same dream. There has been multiple theories that some other titan other than the attack titan could be the key or another character, like that of the Ackermans or armin for example as I do think the trio concept is likely. But, remember the manga is called “Shingeki no Kyojin” meaning “the attack titan” - its always been the key and Eren is that key...again, key? Eren. scarf? Mikasa. Equals symbolism.

At the end of the day, the characters who I feel personally will tie together the ending are Eren, Ymir, Historia and Levi, Mikasa, Armin - both trios on different sides of the coin. Just remember, this isn’t the type of story where the characters get what they desire and that they could die without obtaining these desires. Erwin died before learning the truth of the outside world. Hanji died. Sasha died, Niccolo lost her. Floch did not live to see Eldian rule. Levi may have killed Zeke, but what for? He killed a different version of him, not the one who murdered innocents in Shinganshina. Levi lost every attachment of his. Mikasa lost Eren. I’d be angry and sad for him, but Eren also could lose his freedom by striking a deal with Ymir for her own freedom. But! he could free the world and his friends through both Mikasa and Armin, the chain will break, the titan curse will end and he will cease to exist or be lost in Paths dormant, unlike Ymir for 2000 years. This would be a good culmination of Eren’s character, extremely heart breaking, but fitting. A character who only sought freedom for humanity. He is humanity’s hope after all. Remember, Kaji Yuki (Eren’s Japanese voice actor) expressed extreme sadness at learning Eren’s fate from Isayama. It has always been a manga that indicates a bittersweet ending, so this could also be highly likely. (Eren is my favourite character...so this guts my heart from my chest)

To conclude, these are merely my own speculation of the final events within 139 and although sad of its ending, my excitement for this final instalment knows no bounds. I can only wish for the best and I know Isayama will deliver.

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devildamn · 4 years ago

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You plan on making poly headcanons? Id love to read them

Heck yee, I love poly ships >w< Tbh, the way I see it, even as a harem, there are some pretty distinct smaller groupings. A bunch of em…. Hmmm… I’ll make a list with my thoughts on each. Just plz keep in mind, for the MC ships, I’ll explain more the relationship between the named characters than with them because… MCS are just so varied, I cant account for everyone and how they’d be. And if I do bring em up, it’s based on what I like in my MCs lol <w< Or what I think would mesh the best.

- Diavolo/Lucifer/Barbaratos: Yee I ship these council goons. Their friendship is so cute, especially how both Lucifer and Barbaratos have a soft spot and give in to Diavolo’s antics uwu Like, I swear, anytime one of them tells Diavolo no to something, the other will help enable him anyways. I’m a sucker for ‘touch starved/needy Diavolo’ too, so I like to imagine the three’s relationship starting as professional with the occasional moments of showing they care, but once they get closer and Diavolo confesses (particularly to Lucifer) about his insecurity in feeling alone, their level of touchy-feely-ness will gradually increase… behind closed doors that is. Barbaratos has no shame in his affections being public, he likes making Diavolo happy, but Lucifer is hesitant to make their relationship known. He’d rather keep up appearances, and Diavolo doesn’t want to ask too much of him, so this is their compromise.

- Asmodeus/Solomon/MC: Ahahaha look v-v I am not much of an Asmo fan. But I can see his appeal, and I do like the Solomon/Asmodeus ship. That said, how their poly ship can work depends entirely on the MC (tho that’s a given with how different MCs can be lol). Asmodeus is sure to love having two powerful humans be in control of him, even flaunting it as a sort of status symbol. And he’d most definitely act like a brat. I don’t see Solomon as being one to give into Asmo as much as he’d want someone to, so I can imagine this scenario being common, lol:

Asmo going to Solomon for whatever reason. Solomon is busy/distracted and keeps brushing off Asmo’s attempts to get his attention. Asmo gets HUFFY and storms to MC to demand attention from them instead.

Basically, MC would have to bear the brunt of Asmo’s needs lol. Solomon won’t always be so obtuse, but he’s just not as inclined to emotional stuff.

- Solomon/Simeon/Luke: Love their dynamic. Just friends looking out for each other <3 I can especially imagine them in domestic situations. Their dissing Solomon’s cooking? Solomon’s and Simeon’s shared custody of keeping Luke from trouble? <3 <3 <3 Bonus, heres a scenario I like:

Luke being a ‘helicopter parent’ to Solomon’s annoyance when he gets super into a project. Bringing him snacks, tidying up his workspace, sending him texts to remind him of stuff he needs to do. All the while scolding him for not taking better care of himself, but secretly feeling happy that he is needed. Simeon helps take care of Solomon too, but not to the extent that Luke does. He’s better at watching from the sidelines, amused at Luke hauling a semi-conscious Solomon from bed to get a proper breakfast.

- Belphegor/Beelzebub/MC: >-> Here’s a bit of a rant. It’s no secret I hate Belphie. No hate to Belphie lovers, y’all are great and free to love who you love, my gripe is just with how little the story did to redeem him to us. Anyways, my hate for him extended so much that it affected my love for Beel too ;o; See, before his return, I LOVED Beel. He was cutting it close with Mammon in being my favorite. He’s such a wholesome boi full of love for his family <3 But with Belphie’s return… loving Beel and hating Belph is just not good for him.It’d never work. They are a package deal. The closest of the brothers. Of course all your time with Beel or Belph would be spent with the other as well. Even Belph tells you that in his dream scenario, he’d run away with you and Beel and live happily together. They are already set on loving one person together, that’s just how it is -w-“

- Lucifer/Mammon/MC: Mammon is Lucifer’s favorite brother. In particular, people note that he finds Mammon to be cute. Weeeeeellllllllllll, here’s a bit of tmi for my take on my MC, the reason they dislike Lucifer is because his personality is a bit like theirs too, with some key differences. And of course, that being the case…. Mammon is their favorite too. So, the way I see this is, both Lucifer and MC sharing Mammon. Lucifer scolds him, MC comforts and enables him, Lucifer tries but can’t stop MC, and the song and dance continues. <3

- Leviathan/MC/Mammon: Listen, the beef these two had is the first thing you’re thrown into and I find it hilarious in retrospect. Levi does not like you, and only approaches you to use you to get back at Mammon. This makes Mammon the first to form a contract with you, and later, become your first genuine friend out of the brothers. The first to care uwu Then, WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE and Levi has grown to like you, his dialogue about you preferring Mammon? “Is it because he was your first?” Motherfucker, you could’ve been the first if you weren’t so up your ass in calling me ‘Normie Trash’ X,D Jealous shit. But it’s cute in a way. His rivalry with Mammon, their bickering. Both vying for MC’s attention, calling out each other’s bs, later having moments of defending the other when shit gets too far or others attack em, it’s entertaining to me.

- Asmodeus/MC/Beelzebub: I’ll keep this one short. I can see this solely because Asmo has, on multiple occasions, spoken of his interest in Beel. To be FAIR, Asmo would form a polyship with ANY of his brothers, lol, just typing this one in particular for that reason.

- Beelzebub/MC/Luke: Absolutely wholesome. Adorable. I feel that out of all the brothers, Luke has the best relationship with Beel. I’d love to see them interact more -w- (I am on Lesson 29). As it stands, I’m jumping into headcannon territory straight up lol:

MC and Luke get close first. Luke is the first person to have reached out to MC with good intentions (which compared to the brother’s hostile initial meetings, is a HUGE relief), and since MC respects and does not tease Luke, he attaches to them like a puppy. Beel and them grow close too with the reveal of the family history, and Beel generally feeling at ease with both people. Can you picture Beel feeling drowsy, draped over Luke as he studies and finding the scent of baked goods and vanilla coming from him comforting? Cuz I can -/w/- Hella cute. Luke IS pushy, and Beel finds it annoying at times. They’d have arguments, and initially, Beel would subconsciously make Luke feel threatened with his size and temper, but with the help of MC interfering, he’d be more mindful of it in the future. With the curbing of Beel’s temper, Luke would also learn to feel more comfortable around him, and ALSO with MC’s interference, he’d be more mindful of his nagging nature. All in all, their arguments would lead to them feeling huffy the next day and giving the other the silent treatment… but then after a while, Luke would bake too much of something and aaah, he GUESSES Beel could have some since it just so happens to be his FAVORITE… and they’d be back to snuggling. Bleeh.

Aight, so that was the list <3 I’m open to others, and if you’d like any more specifics on any you are free to send me more asks! Just that these were the ones I could think of immediately and distinctly. To be fair, MC could be added to any of the ships I have without em, but as stated before, it’s hard to characterize MC as anything other than what I like uwu So I’ll refrain from doing so unless it’s specified as such. My MC, Boo <3 Thank you for the ask!

#obey me writing #obey me headcanons #Obey me #obey me mc #Obey me lucifer #Obey me diavolo #Obey me barbaratos #Obey me leviathan #Obey me mammon #Obey me beelzebub #Obey me belphagor #Obey me Asmodeus #Obey me satan #Ask #Om mc #Poly ships #Idk any ship names and if anyone can tell me em #ID APPRECIATE IT #Ty ty

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blueberrysets · 4 years ago

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EXPLORING SONGS: HOW THE SUN TEMPTED ME

pairing: timeskip!tsukishima x f!reader

genre: fluff and angst, hurt/comfort

warnings: swearing, mentions of death, mentions of alcohol use, depression, grief, angst

word count: 3,343

summary: after the death of his best friend, tsukishima swore to never speak a word about that night and to not even mutter his name again. he would rather stay angry at himself for the rest of his life than to think about that incident. yet, it haunts him in his dreams and in his every day to day life. until the lovable roommate of his seems to show more care towards him than anyone else in his life.

song to play: fine line by harry styles

an: yay!! this is my first installment in my writing collection of exploring songs! I’m super excited to keep writing for this and diving deep into the lyrics of the music. I hope you enjoy and let me know if you would like to be in the tag list for future installments!

masterlist!

taglist: @emiyummy @nyelsy

In the five stages of grief, tsukishima seems to be stuck on the second stage; anger. He’s been that way for the past four years since he lost his best friend. it’s a relentless anger that is directed to anyone who happens to irritate him just slightly. he finds himself having to hold his tongue while an annoying little kid asks him a dumb question while he’s explaining fossils. he used to love their curiosity and would lend a hand to teach them. his anger starts at the bottom of his feet, flowing all the way up to the middle of his throat. having him choke slightly at the ball of frustration blocking his airways.

yet the one thing he can’t get rid of, is his annoying lovable roommate.

“tsukki!” her voice rings out, bouncing off the walls of the bustling museum. her arms stretched way above her head as she waves him down, a bright smile lighting up her face as her cheeks and the tip of her nose are rosy from the winter air outside.

tsukishima finds the corners of his mouth raising slightly at the sight. it’s not a new one, she’s always there for his lunch break so they can eat together. always making food and coming to his work with a bento that has his name on it. the slight smile stays for a second, but is soon replaced with his familiar scowl. he makes his way over to her, hands shoved in his khaki pants. his worker ID hanging around his neck on a lanyard, irritating the back of his neck and bumping against his dark brown sweater.

her office attire is covered by a long, black peacoat and a thick, tan scarf paired with it. her hands lower as he gets closer to her, but her smile doesn’t falter. the familiar big purse filled with the contents of their lunch is hanging off her shoulder, the same color as her scarf. she calls it her “mom purse,” stating how she can literally carry anything in there. if only he could take his grief and place it in there as well.

“look at you,” tsukishima snickers, “finally dressing appropriately for the weather.”

a look of annoyance replaces her smile, he feels himself missing it already. her hand winds back to land a slap right onto his bicep. he couldn’t help but laugh even more at her reaction. it’s fun to tease her, especially when she gets pouty.

“keep saying stuff like that and i’ll stop making you lunches,” she grumbles as she sticks her tongue out at him.

“you and i both know you won’t,” he shrugs.

“shut up, i hate when you’re right,” she mumbles again, pushing the straps of her purse higher up on her shoulder as she walks to where his break room is.

a hearty laugh leaves his lips as his head is thrown back. his shoulders rising up and down as the laugh takes over his body. it stops y/n in her place to look back and take in the sight. seeing the pure joy covering his face as he laughs, it's a sight she doesn’t want to miss. so, she halts in her tracks and admires him. but before he could notice, she turns back around and continues her way to the break room. but how odd was it, to know that he only laughs that genuinely around her.

the clicking sound of her heels now echo off the walls, and he follows the noise all the way to the familiar staff break room. she clunks her purse down on the dull, wooden table that sits in the middle of the room. to the left of it is a kitchenette area with counters, a refrigerator, microwave, coffee maker, and sink. to the right are various vending machines and printers. she places the two bentos and two pairs of chopsticks onto the table before dropping her bulky bag next to her chair. she unravels her scarf and shrugs off her coat before hanging them on the back of her chair.

it’s annoying how frustratingly beautiful she is, without even trying. her black skirt fits her curves nicely and goes great with her favorite maroon turtleneck sweater. the black tights that cover her skin from the cold air transition nicely into her black high heel boots. her hair in its natural state as her face is adorned with work-suited make up. yet, his favorite look on her would have to be the casual clothes she lounges in at home.

he takes his usual seat across from her, sitting down and grabbing the chopsticks that were set nicely next to his bento box. he breaks them apart before unwrapping and opening his meal. but stops his movements to see her loosely putting her hair into a bun before she eats. stating that it keeps it from annoyingly falling in her face as she eats, another habit that he can’t seem to stop gushing over. they sit in silence as they start to eat, it’s a comfortable silence. one that is usually filled with the humming from the printer.

“how’s work been today?” she asks with her mouth slightly full, her gaze on her food as she continues to shovel it into her mouth.

“the usual, how about you?” he softly asks as he picks at his food, “is that greg guy still bothering you? you know i can sort that out for you.”

she lets out a snort, setting her chopsticks down as she wipes her hands on her skirt. chewing her food completely and swallowing before she replies.

“i’m a big girl, I can handle it,” she states in a sassy manner, her gaze meeting him from across the table, “but no, he’s not.”

“good,” he answers shortly, briefly meeting her gaze before it’s redirected back down to his food.

she clears her throat as she picks up her chopsticks again, returning to quickly eating. their lunch time together is short as she has to catch another train back to her office in a different part of the city. he’s told her multiple times that she doesn’t have to do this, that he’s perfectly capable of having lunch by himself. but she insists, and he’s glad that she still does. perhaps, he doesn’t like being alone.

“i can’t believe it’s already december 12th,” she mumbles, mostly to herself, “it’s getting close to christmas, i’m not even done shopping yet.”

while the statement of the date is an innocent remark, it stills has tsukishima freezing his movements as the breath gets caught in his throat. he slowly places his hands back down on the table and slightly pushes the bento box away from him, no longer hungry.

well, it’s official.

today marks five years since his best friend's death.

“tsukki,” her voice breaks through to his ears as his eyes snap open and his body being shaken by her, “tsukki!”

his breathing is rigid as his hands grip onto her arms, the covers thrown off of him as he feels the hot tears streaming down his face. his eyes scan his surroundings in his semi dark room, the only source of light being his bedside lamp. his glasses are placed on the bedside table and his clock shows that it’s currently 1:23 am. then his eyes finally land on her.

her hair messy from her bed head and her eyes holding a look of concern. her hands slide from his chest up to his face, wiping away the tears that continue to fall from his eyes. he’s confused, throat dry and raw.

“you were screaming,” she whispers softly, one hand leaving his face as she runs it through his hair, “i think you were having a nightmare.”

it hits him. he was. memories of that fateful night replaying in his mind, over and over again. always the same outcome, always him being too late. he squeezes his closed, more tears leaving his eyes as does. yet the gentle touches from her hands wipe them away.

“do you want to talk about it?” she asks gently, causing him to slowly open his eyes to connect with hers.

he shakes his head no.

“that’s okay,” she nods, “whenever you want to, just know that i’m here. let me get you some water.”

she stands up, turning to leave to walk to the kitchen. his hand latches onto hers, stopping her from leaving. she turns around, her gaze soft as she looks down at their hands then back to his face. he swallows, this is very out of character for him. but he doesn’t want to be alone.

“will you stay with me?” he gasps out, shyly lowering his gaze, “just for the night.”

her thumb caresses his hand before she gives it a gentle squeeze.

“of course, i’ll stay for as long as you need,” she coos, “let me get you water, then i’ll come to bed.”

he nods his head, releasing his grip on her hand. she turns and walks out of the room, her bare feet padding on the hardwood floor. the sound fades out as he is left with his own thoughts again. he lays back down on the bed, running a hand through his hair. his eyes dry from the tears and his head throbbing for some sleep. yet he can’t go to sleep, he doesn’t want to see it again. he can’t keep seeing that night again. it’ll tear him apart more than it already is.

before his thoughts could get even more jumbled together, she finally returned with a glass of fresh water. she sets it on his nightstand before crawling into bed next to him, pulling the covers up with her. he turns over to grab the cup, taking a few sips to soothe his throat. he sets it back down and turns off the lamp. he flops back down onto his back. a hand laying underneath his head as he stares at the moonlight leaking in through his window. then he feels her, her arm thrown over his waist as her head lays on his chest and her legs tangle with his.

his heart swells at the contact. it was at this moment, that he knew he could trust her with anything. despite his snarky remarks, silent grief, and witty attitude; she decided to stay with him. how lucky can one get?

“i’m not sure if i’m ready to fully tell you everything yet,” he explains softly, one of his hands drawing circles on her arm, “but just know that things would’ve been different if i was there before…”

“nonsense,” she cuts him off, her face still buried in his chest, “fate works in mysterious ways, kei. sometimes it does shit that seems so unfair, so heartbreaking. we can’t help but blame ourselves sometimes. yet, it’s not your fault. things happen for a reason whether we like it or not. you could’ve prevented it then, but who's to say it wouldn’t just happen later on? stop being so hard on yourself, instead take time to heal from whatever hurt you.”

another tear falls at her words, but god how relieving it was to be on stage three; bargaining.

he was so tired of being angry.

“i’m going out!” he remembers her saying as she struggles to pull her high heel onto her foot, “don’t wait up for me, i’ll text you when i’m on my way home!”

yet it’s morning, and there was no text. no call, no text from her friends; there's just nothing. he paces the living room, frantically calling her number over and over. his hair a mess with how many times his hands had run through it. his pajamas fitting loosely on his skinny body, he has lost some weight hasn’t he?

“pick up, pick up,” he whispers to himself as his bottom lip is being nervously gnawed at, “y/n pick up, damnit.”

voicemail, again. he aggressively pushes the red button to hang up, harshly throwing his phone onto the couch. he grips the edge of the sofa, his foot tapping anxiously as he tries to wrack his brain around what is happening. where was she? if she got hurt wouldn't he get a call from the hospital? or if it was something else, wouldn’t her friends or the police station call him? he is her emergency contact, he should be hearing something! what if she got kidnapped? maybe that’s why no one has told him anything. what if-

the sound of the front door being unlocked and opening interrupts his thoughts. he whips his head in the direction of the noise to see her walk in. she wears clothes that seem to be her friends as she holds her heels in her hand. she sets them on the ground gently, not wanting to make much noise so she doesn’t wake him.

“where the hell were you?” he asks loudly, causing her to jump from the surprise.

“oh!” she exclaims, “i spent the night at a friends place, but my phone died. sorry i didn’t text you.”

“you didn’t think of maybe having a friend text me?” he asks in a snarky tone, angrily walking over to her, “i was worried sick, y/n!”

“i’m sorry,” she laughs, “i didn’t think it would’ve been that big of a deal.”

“not a big deal?” he sneers, his hands gripping her biceps in a tight hold, “what if something happened to you, huh?”

“kei, let go,” she warns, “your grip hurts.”

“i can’t lose another important person, y/n!” he yells, taking in a sharp breath at what he just said.

“another?” she questions, her gaze more confused than angry now.

“forget it,” he mumbles as reaches behind her to grab his coat. shoving his feet into his shoes before walking out the front door, slamming it right in her face.

onto stage four: depression.

the last person he expected to see waiting for him at the end of his shift, would be her. her black peacoat contrasting with the red scarf wrapped around her neck. the scarf looking bulky against her frame, but comfortable. they haven’t had a conversation in two weeks, an awkward environment surrounds them since that morning. they kept to their assigned rooms in the apartment, yet she showed more compassion for him than he thought she would. she still set food outside his door, still packed him lunches, still did his laundry, or cleaned his room since he lacked motivation to do anything. opening his eyes felt like a chore lately, yet she still supported him silently.

“come with me,” she said softly, reaching a hand out to him, “i’m taking you somewhere.”

his eyes are wide, filled with curiosity and confusion at the current situation. yet he still reached his hand towards her mitten-covered one and held onto it. he let her pull him along with her. following her to the train station, sitting patiently for their stop, then following her off the train. their hands never once letting go. he was afraid that if he did, she would disappear in thin air. truly, leaving him completely alone.

she pulled him all the way to the beach, the waves slightly frozen as they crash into the rocky shores. she pulls him up onto a big rock ledge, sitting down once they reach the top. her legs dangling off the edge and the golden rays of the setting sun hitting her face. tsukishima was still standing, looking out at the perfect view of the sunset. but then averting his eyes to his own person sun sitting on the rock. he follows along and sits next to her, the harsh wind from the ocean hitting both of their faces.

“i asked your brother about what happened,” she states over the sounds of the waves, “about yamaguchi.”

he lets out a shaky breath at the mention of that name, one he promised himself he wouldn’t say. for his own sanity, he wouldn’t mention that name again.

“you did?” he asked quietly.

“i did,” she states confidently, “and i want to apologize.”

he rips his eyes from the view to look at her, meeting her gaze that was already on him. confusion written all over his face.

“i should’ve texted you that night, given you some indication of where i was. something to at least ease your mind,” she explains, her voice sounding like she was pleading for him to forgive her. all of this time, they both blamed themselves for the situation, “but i had no idea what you have gone through, but now that i do i completely regret my actions.”

tsukishima swallows hard as he looks down at his hands that rest in his lap. so she knows, and now she probably knows that he’s a huge fuck up. he took a few deep breaths, preparing himself for the conversation.

“how long have you known,” he starts, “about him.”

“about a week,” she whispers, “i didn’t have the heart to bring it up to you, i wasn’t sure how you would react. but then, i’ve seen the grief and guilt eating at you slowly. i can't stand to see you like that anymore, kei.”

“he called me,” he whispers, lifting his gaze up to her eyes. tears welling up in his eyes, “he called me that night asking for a ride, drunk. i remember that i was so annoyed by that call, that i didn’t leave right away. deciding that five more minutes of sleep was more important than my friend getting home safely. when i finally left and went to pick him up, the other guests said he left with someone else. then i get the call the next morning, the call that he was… well, you know.”

she scoots closer to him, placing her hands on his face. meeting his eyes with such intensity and care, he didn’t deserve her. the tears ran down his face, seeing who would get to the finish line the quickest. his body shakes from the sobs as he finally talks about that night after five years of avoiding it.

“this isn’t your fault, kei,” she says slowly, meaning every word.

“but if I just left right away-“

“he would’ve still had time to accept that ride,” she states, her eyes full of certainty, “he knew the risk, everyone does when it comes to alcohol. yet, he still said yes. he could’ve said no, you already told him that you would come pick him up. he left you, you didn’t abandon him.”

“i don’t deserve you,” he sobs out, “i really don’t. you’re like the sun, tempting me to be happy with what i did.”

“i’m not trying to make you feel happy about what you did,” she explains as she uses her mittened hand to wipe his tears, “i want you to accept that what happened, happened. there were mistakes made, yes, but you can't change it now. what you can do, is live in his memory. live life for him, and dedicate every waking day to him.”

“i love you,” he gasps out, “i really do, you sunshine. you temptress. so please, if i’m gonna do this i want you to be there with me.”

a smile breaks out on her face, laughing slightly. for once, his eyes weren’t full with the hardening gaze of sadness and guilt. but bright and full of love, and how she longed for that gaze to be shown her way.

“i’m not going anywhere, kei,” she smiles, “and i love you too.”

his arms wrap around her waist and pull her closer to him, lowering his head to capture her in a kiss. the sun is almost gone behind the horizon now, yet the glow from his own sunshine blinds him with love. tempting him to deepen the kiss as their grips on each other tighten.

he was right, he doesn’t like being alone.

it seems that he’s not anymore.

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