#i almost never do this i am usually someone who roots all my analysis and engagement with canon but smth about the rat grinders

[mongeese]

I have to be honest with you guys I immediately stopped caring about the junior year finale like the day after I watched it. I'm existing in a world in my head where the Rat Grinders r interesting and well developed. Canon can't hurt me anymore I am on a different plane entirely

[devilsskettle]

oh man i have a Lot of thoughts about the autopsy of jane doe, both positive and critical For Sure, i'd be SO excited to see your analysis of it! definitely keeping an eye out for that 👀

thanks! i'm working on something article-like to talk about the film and i don't know what i want to do with it yet lol but if i don't post it on here i'll definitely link it. it's mainly a discussion of gender in possession/occult films in the same way that carol clover describes in men, women, and chainsaws - that there are dual plot lines in occult films, usually gendered masculine and feminine respectively, where the "main" feminine plot (the actual possession) is actually a way to explore the "real" masculine plot (the emotional conflict of the "man in crisis" protagonist). typically the man in crisis is too masculine, or "closed" emotionally, where the woman is too "open," which is why she acts as the vehicle for the supernatural occurrence as well as the core emotions of the film. the man has to learn how to become more open (though if he becomes too open, like father karras in the exorcist, he has to die by the end - he has to find a happy medium, where he doesn't actually transgress gender expectations too much. clover calls this state the "new masculine," and we might apply the term "toxic masculinity" to the "closed" emotional state). part of the "opening up" feature of the story is that it allows men to be highly emotionally expressive in situations where they otherwise might not be allowed to, which is cathartic for the assumed primary audience of these films (young men). another feature of the genre is white science vs black magic (once you exhaust the scientific "rational" explanations, you have to accept that something magic is happening). the autopsy of jane doe does this even more than the films she discusses when she published the book in 1992 (the exorcist, poltergeist, christine, etc) because the supernaturally influenced young woman who becomes this kind of vehicle is more of an object than a character. she doesn't have a single line of dialogue or even blink for the entire runtime of the movie. the camerawork often pans to her as if to show her reactions to the events of the movie, which seems kind of pointless because it's the same reaction the whole time (none) but it allows the viewer to project anything they want onto her - from personal suffering to cunning and spite. 

compare again to the exorcist: is the story actually about regan mcneil? no. but do we care about her? sure (clover says no, but i think we at least feel for her situation lol). and do we get an idea of what she's like as a person? yes. even though her pain and her body are used narratively as a framework for karras' emotional/religious crisis, we at least see her as a person. both she and her mother are expendable to the "real" plot but they're very active in their roles in the "main" plot - our "jane doe" isn't afforded even that level of agency or identity. so. is that inherently sexist? well, no - if there were other women in the film who were part of the "real" plot, i would say that the presence of women with agency and identity demonstrate enough regard for the personhood of women to make the gender of the subject of the autopsy irrelevant. but there are none. of the three important women in the film, we have 1) an almost corpse, 2) an absent (dead) mother, and 3) a one dimensional girlfriend who is killed off for a man's character development/cathartic expression of emotions. all three are just platforms for the men in crisis of this narrative. 

and, to my surprise, much of the reception to the film is to embrace it as a feminist story because the witch is misconstrued as a badass, powerful, Strong Female Character girl boss type for getting revenge on the men who wronged her, with absolutely no consideration given to what the movie actually ends up saying about women. and the director has said that he embraces this interpretation, but never intended it. so like. of course you're going to embrace the interpretation that gives you critical acclaim and the moral high ground. but it's so fucking clear that it was never his intention to say anything about feminism, or women in general, or gender at all. so i find it very frustrating that people read the film that way because it's just. objectively wrong.

there's also things i want to say about this idea that clover talks about in a different chapter of the book when she discusses the country/city divide in a lot of horror (especially rape-revenge films) in which the writer intends the audience to identify with the city characters and be against the country characters (think of, like, house of 1000 corpses - there's pretty explicit socioeconomic regional tension between the evil country residents and the travelers from the city) but first, they have to address the real harm that the City (as a whole) has inflicted upon the Country (usually in the forms of environmental and economic destruction) so in order to justify the antagonization the country people are characterized by, their "retaliation" for these wrongs has to be so extreme and misdirected that we identify with the city people by default (if country men feel victimized by the City and react by attacking a city woman who isn't complicit in the crimes of the City in any of the violent, heinous ways horror movies employ, of course we won't sympathize with them). why am i bringing this up? well, clover says this idea is actually borrowed from the western genre, where native americans are the Villains even as white settlers commit genocide - so they characterize them as extremely savage and violent in order to justify violence against them (in fiction and in real life). the idea is to address the suffering of the Other and delegitimize it through extreme negative characterization (often, with both the people from the country and native americans, through negative stereotyping as well as their actions). so i think that shows how this idea is transferred between different genres and whatever group of people the writers want the viewers to be against, and in this movie it’s happening on the axis of gender instead of race, region, or class. obviously the victims of the salem witch trials suffered extreme injustice and physical violence (especially in the film as victim of the ritual the body clearly underwent) BUT by retaliating for the wrongs done to her, apparently (according to the main characters) at random, she's characterized as monstrous and dangerous and spiteful. her revenge is unjustified because it’s not targeted at the people who actually committed violence against her. they say that the ritual created the very thing it was trying to destroy - i.e. an evil witch. she becomes the thing we're supposed to be afraid of, not someone we’re supposed to sympathize with. she’s othered by this framework, not supported by it, so even if she’s afforded some power through her posthumous magical abilities, we the viewer are not supposed to root for her. if the viewer does sympathize with her, it’s in spite of the writing, not because of it. the main characters who we are intended to identify with feel only shallow sympathy for her, if any - even when they realize they’ve been cutting open a living person, they express shock and revulsion, but not regret. in fact, they go back and scalp her and take out her brain. after realizing that she’s alive! we’re intended to see this as an acceptable retaliation against the witch, not an act of extreme cruelty or at the very least a stupid idea lol. 

(also - i hate how much of a buzzword salem is in movies like this lol, nothing about her injuries or the story they “read” on her is even remotely similar to what happened in salem, except for the time period. i know they don’t explicitly say oh yeah, she was definitely from salem, but her injuries really aren’t characteristic of american executions of witches at all so i wish they hadn’t muddied the water by trying to point to an actual historical event. especially since i think the connotation of “witch” and the victims of witch trials has taken on a modern projection of feminism that doesn’t really make sense under any scrutiny. anyway)

not to mention the ending: what was the writer intending the audience to get from the ending? that the cycle of violence continues, and the witch’s revenge will move on and repeat the same violence in the next place, wherever she ends up. we’re supposed to feel bad for whoever her next victims will be. but what about her? i think the movie figures her maybe as triumphant, but she’s going to keep being passed around from morgue to morgue, and she’s going to be vivisected again and again, with no way to communicate her pain or her story. the framework of the story doesn’t allow for this ending to be tragic for her, though - clearly the tragedy lies with the father and son, finally having opened up to one another, unfortunately too late, and dying early, unjust deaths at the hands of this unknowable malignant entity. it doesn’t do justice to her (or the girlfriend, who seems to be nothing but collateral damage in all of this - in the ending sequence, when the police finds the carnage, it only shows them finding the bodies of the men. the girlfriend is as irrelevant to the conclusion as she is to the rest of the plot). 

but does this mean the autopsy of jane doe is a “bad” movie? i guess it depends on your perspective. ultimately, it’s one of those questions that i find myself asking when faced with certain kinds of stories that inevitably crop up often in our media: how much can we excuse a story for upholding regressive social norms (even unintentionally) before we have to discount the whole work? i don’t think the autopsy of jane doe warrants complete rejection for being “problematic” but i think the critical acclaim based on the idea that it’s a feminist film should be rejected. i still consider it a very interesting concept with strong acting and a lot of visual appeal, and it’s a very good piece of atmospheric horror. it’s does get a bit boring at certain points, but the core of the film is solid. it’s also not trying to be sexist, arguably it’s not overtly sexist at all, it’s just very very androcentric at the expense of its female characters, and i’m genuinely shocked that anyone would call it feminist. so sure, let’s not throw the baby out with the bath water, but let’s also be critical about how it’s using women as the stage for men’s emotional conflict 

also re: my description of this little project as “a film isn’t feminist just because there’s a woman’s name in the title” - i actually don’t want to skim over the fact that “jane doe” isn’t a real name. of the three women in the film, only one has a real name; the other two are referred to by names given to them by men. i’ll conclude on this note because i want to emphasize the lack of even very basic ways of recognizing individual identity afforded to women in this film. so yeah! the end! thanks for your consideration if you read this far! 

[appleflavoredkitkats]

Analysis of the “Fundy’s Mind” Stream: A Showcase of Repressed Memories and Repressed Insecurities

i. INTRODUCTION

Hi! This is going to be… something. Funny how I focus on this rather than my research homework, but I have a MASSIVE Fundy brain rot right now and I’d love to share my thoughts on Fundy’s newest stream. Fair warning, I am not the Messiah, so don’t take everything as fact. I’m open to constructive and objective discussions in replies or in DM’s, so feel free to hmu!

All of this is /dsmp and /rp by the way!

Heavy trigger warnings for derealization, parental neglect, neglect in general, self-deprecation, self-neglect, low self-esteem, death, manipulation, abandonment, loneliness, trust issues, torture mention, blood mention, and broken friendships.

Word Count: Approximately 10k.

ii. PRE-LIVESTREAM ASPECTS

Before we begin deep diving into the mind of Fundy, I do want to emphasize two major themes of this stream: 1.) Fundy’s insecurities, especially when it comes to abandonment and trust, and 2.) Fundy’s future predicting abilities. A ton (but not all) of statements uttered by the books and Fundy himself tend to have double meanings that apply to both of these themes. 

We can further discuss the future predicting powers later, but to give a little background on Fundy’s insecurities: Fundy is notorious for heavily depending his self-worth on the recognition other people give him. Despite his immaturity, a lot of Fundy’s character is rooted in being heavily underestimated. This could be observed during the Pet Wars when his safety was constantly being threatened by Sapnap, inevitably making him lose a duel against him. Another way we can see this is through Wilbur’s early treatment of Fundy where he constantly infantilized him because Wilbur believed Fundy was a child incapable of being independent. This caused Fundy to appeal a lot to any type of compliment from any person- it began with Quackity ensuring him that he will gift him a lot of cookies if he votes SWAG2020, then to Schlatt complimenting him to the point that Fundy almost gave up on spying and siding with Pogtopia, then to the Butcher Army where he unhesitantly followed Tubbo and Quackity’s lead no matter how many times they made fun of him. While he revels in any type of recognition given, oftentimes, those who seem to care for Fundy tend to leave after he grows attached to them; first with Wilbur, then Niki, then Schlatt, then Eret and Phil, then Tubbo, Ranboo, and Quackity. In the Dream SMP, Fundy is very lonely and has dealt with abandonment issues left and right, but typically, he never does anything with his loneliness, as the last time he lashed out against someone who left him, nothing positive really came out of it (this is when he got mad at Ghostbur). 

(Everything else is under the cut! I worked so hard on this, so please read it if you can, it’d mean a lot!)

So, with all that laid out, I want you to keep this all in mind as it is important for understanding why Fundy feels the way he does in the stream.

Now, let’s begin the analysis. First off, I believe it is important to denote the title and the tags of the stream. The stream is titled “Fundy’s Mind”, so we have to denote that this isn’t merely a dream sequence- the stream is meant to explore the complexity of Fundy’s mind. This includes his thoughts, insecurities, repressed memories, and so on and so forth. Additionally, the stream is tagged “Permadeath”, something different from what Fundy typically tags his streams. There is no clear explanation as to what this could mean, but the possibilities are:

It is hinting that the death system in the Dream SMP could be rigged, and someone is messing with the semantics of death and how it works.

It is hinting that someone will face a permanent death, and most fingers are pointed at Fundy as this is his stream. If not a permanent death, he might at least lose one of his canon lives which was hinted later on in the stream (will discuss later).

It is hinting that he was killed by the end of the dream. Not really a solid theory as we don’t actually know the repercussions of killing someone who is actively dreaming, but it is a possibility.

iii. PROLOGUE

A thing to question at the beginning of the stream is if the entire introduction was part of the dream or not. Seeing how Fundy has the same inventory from this to the next scene, it is plausible, but I don’t think it provides anything if it were a dream. 

Anyway, other things to denote are Fundy’s hotbar! First noticeable thing would be the 38 baked potatoes. The website angelnumber.org explains that 38 means:

“The combination of these two numbers makes the number 38 a number which signifies joy and optimism, courage, finding creative ways to materialize abundance, reality, etc.

The essence of the number 38 in numerology are different kind of relationships, such as romantic ones, business partnerships, teamwork, cooperation, diplomacy, etc.

Number 38 people have a talent for dealing with people in a caring and creative way. They are born team-workers. They need interaction with other people to fully enjoy their lives. They are usually optimistic and have a gift of inspiring others to action.”

So far, the number 38 is viewed to be positive. It signifies financial success and cooperativeness, which is interesting if Fundy’s future arc potentially ties to working with Quackity. To further add onto symbolisms regarding success, dreamastromeanings.com says the following:

“If you dreamed of baking or roasting potatoes, that dream is a good sign. It usually indicates your finances increasing over time.

Possibly you have made some investments and now you are beginning to reap the fruits of your efforts and risky activities.”

or,

“If you dreamed of holding a potato in your hand, that dream is a bit of a warning. You might soon receive some lucrative opportunity, possibly work related.

It is advisable to think fast and accept it because you might not get a second chance.

It could also indicate that you are a bit lazy when it comes to taking chances and missing opportunities because of that.”

Both explanations refer to business opportunities and possible investments. If we combine both the explanation for the number 38 and carrying potatoes, we can assume that Fundy will be receiving a business opportunity that would be too good to miss. These explanations also imply that nothing too negative would occur, but instead, Fundy can achieve success through this business opportunity. The only arcs in the Dream SMP which I think could provide a business opportunity would either be 1.) a new warden at the prison, 2.) new member at Snowchester (low odds), but the most likely occurrence would be 3.) Quackity offers him a position at Las Nevadas. With the Quackity smiley face at the end of Fundy’s stream, we can safely believe that the job opportunity at Las Nevadas would be the most likely occurrence.

Another explanation for this is that because the 38 potatoes were brought from the seemingly real world, it could possibly pertain to something that had already happened in the past. This could possibly allude to L’Manberg, especially when the explanations behind 38 potatoes are presented to be more positive, something the current Las Nevadas arc isn’t.

Second thing to notice about the hotbar: Fundy is currently at level 5, with his EXP bar 1/18 filled. To reach level 5, one has to gain 55 EXP, and to reach level 6, one would need to gain an extra 17 EXP. If the bar is merely 1/18 filled, 1/18 of 17 would be 0.94, which when rounded off, is 1. Add 1 to the extra 55, and we would approximately get 56 EXP. The website angelnumber.org says the following:

“The number 56 symbolizes teamwork, coexistence, family, relationships, adventure and expression of freedom.

Number 56 people have diverse interests, some of which they have an in-depth knowledge of and some just general understanding.

They try different approaches in relationships, trying to keep them alive. If everything they’ve tried fails, they simply walk to another relationship.”

This could mean a lot of things. The second sentence could imply that Fundy doesn’t fully comprehend the complexity of his mind. Some parts, he may understand, some, he does not at all. This could imply that there are also more secrets hiding in his mind that we couldn’t get to see. The third sentence is more interesting as Fundy’s entire character arc involves him and his broken relationships with other people. It’s a quite accurate description of Fundy, describing how he desperately tries anything to make a relationship work, and if it fails, he could easily befriend other people even if there is a possibility that that relationship would fail like the previous. 

If we ignore the number of EXP, we can merely focus on the number 5, which means the following:

“When angels are sending you number 5, they want to encourage you to have hope and to be ready to accept all the changes that are coming. Also, if number 5 has appeared just at the moment when you have been thinking about something important in your life, this number could be the answer or the solution for your problems. You should pay attention to number 5 and think of its secret meanings.

If number 5 keeps appearing by your side, it means that changes are already happening in your life. If they have not happened yet, don’t worry. They are on the way and you will feel them in the next couple of days or weeks.”

This can be connected to both the EXP number and the stream as a whole as Fundy begins to accept the gravity of his abandonment issues instead of suppressing his negative feelings towards it. Throughout the stream, Fundy is shown rejecting the idea that he is being neglected by others, but by the second half of the stream, he rejects it less and less. This could be the change the explanation is referring to as Fundy realizing his negative feelings towards his abandonment issues are valid and he needs to take them more seriously rather than brushing them aside. 

With number symbolisms finally aside, we can begin analyzing the actual sequences! Fundy is seen to be approaching his “Not A Secret” Base with a sigh, asking chat if they can go to sleep so that he can go to sleep too. Fundy immediately doubts the possibility of the others in the server following through his request until Ranboo responds with a simple “okay” while Niki responds with “yiss, am asleep”. Fundy quickly flashes the members list on the screen, showing us that only Niki and Ranboo are online on the server before he showcases his new bed, claiming that he likes it.

Two interesting notes about this: 1.) he decides to sleep, which is odd enough in the Dream SMP, and 2.) him having three new beds despite only using one of them. For the first point, I’d like to refer you to what Fundy said at around 26:08:

“I just gotta sleep and then, it’s gonna disappear! And then everyone is gonna appear out of a bush and they’re gonna be ‘Surprise!’, and I’m gonna be like, ‘You guys…! You’re always pranking me, you’ve always been there for me. Every single time… except sometimes… when I needed you the most.’ I just go to bed, I just go to bed, and none of this ever happened.”

While I understand that he is referring to the dream, I also believe that this statement would be one of those types I mentioned earlier that may have a double meaning. While “I just go to bed,” could refer to him wanting to sleep and wake up from this horrific dream, it could also refer to how he easily shuts down to his abandonment issues and goes to bed instead of handling it head first. Knowing this, him going to bed in the first scene could imply that he is in this type of  abandonment predicament, especially when we connect it to the second point. The color orange is meant to represent joy and warmth, and even without the symbolism, we all know orange is Fundy’s favorite color. He sees these three beds and says that he likes them, but I can’t help but feel like the other two beds are meant for two other people. I don’t think Niki and Ranboo being the only other two people on the server is coincidental; they have to relate to the two extra beds in some way.

Niki and Ranboo are two prime examples of close friends Fundy had before breaking off after a misunderstanding. Niki fought with Fundy after he had to burn the flag she made in order to gain Schlatt’s trust, while Fundy fought with Ranboo after Doomsday when they had conflicting beliefs about neutrality and sides. After both incidents, Fundy never really made his way to apologize, but Fundy has awkwardly met up with these two after a certain point. With Niki, he was forced to team with her at the beginning of the November 16th War, joking around with her and Eret, while for Ranboo, Fundy had to talk to him and Philza when they were joking around in the SMP. The meet ups definitely relieved some tension, but it never fully resolved the conflict Fundy had with both characters, so there was never a chance for him to rekindle the close bonds he had with both Ranboo and Niki in the past.

Fundy going to his favorite beds with two extra spots next to him could represent how he does cherish the friendships he shared with Niki and Ranboo, but never has the guts to actually bring back things the way that they were before. So, instead, Fundy sleeps, not wanting to think about them any further.

iv. FIRST DAY

When he wakes, Fundy checks his inventory before exiting his base, saying “Uhm, I don’t actually-” until he cuts himself off once he spots the desert. I don’t actually know what Fundy was supposed to say here, but because he checked his inventory beforehand, I believe he was trying to say “I don’t actually know where my things are,” but I could be wrong. To be fair, this isn’t too important, so we don’t have to focus on that. What we can focus on is the misplaced desert that was obviously not there before Fundy slept. We can easily infer what deserts could symbolize in dreams, especially when it comes to loneliness and the feeling of being deserted, but for better insight, consider what dreamstop.com claims about deserts:

“A dream of a desert is about something that is devoid of any feelings or care for you. It is all about them and nothing about you. Does someone show you a lack of respect? Is there someone or something in your life you dislike and adds no meaning to your life? Do you feel invisible? That no-one cares about you? Deserts represent an empty, barren place you may be trying to fill.

Desert dreams may appear when a relationship or friendship breaks down, or when you feel totally alone. You may have moved recently and have not yet made friends. You may feel homesick for all you left behind.

Being lost in a desert refers to your feelings that a situation is hopeless. You may have a problem you feel no-one cares about, even though you tried to reach out. You may feel there was no support and are feeling hurt and alone.”

You don’t need much analyzing to connect these meanings to what Fundy is experiencing. The setting of a “desert” merely pads the idea of Fundy being incredibly lonely to the point of him believing that he has nothing left to lose. Back in Doomsday, he was an optimistic nihilist, claiming that he doesn’t care much about what occurs from this point onwards as long as he can have a little bit of fun. On the stream where he created the Cube, he claimed that most people hated him anyway, so the least he could do was to make himself so hateable so other people could unite together in their hatred of Fundy even if it meant Fundy would have no companions left. Let it be known: Fundy is incredibly, incredibly lonely, and he is miserable in his loneliness, especially when his self-worth depends on how much people recognize him.

Another thing this desert could be eluding to would be Las Nevadas as it is set in the desert. I do think the desert’s main purpose is to showcase Fundy’s loneliness, but the connection to Las Nevadas is plausible.

Additionally, the dark skies Fundy sees doesn’t really need much of an explanation either. I couldn’t find a website exactly defining what it means to find a dark sky, but most of them speak of it as a negative thing, often symbolizing something terrible to come. I don’t think I need to explain that part, so we’re moving on.

Fundy is, understandably, very confused about this entire predicament. He quickly moves around his base to figure out what is going on, even messaging in chat to see if anyone would respond. Climbing up the ladders, he stands atop his base, spotting the silhouette of the Camarvan from afar. He continues to be confused, claiming he has no idea why he’s here in the first place. He claims he is “freaking out”, continuing to ask questions about where he is, and why the sky turns dark. He denotes that he isn’t at least completely alone as bunnies swarm around the desert. He begins to follow this sandstone path, every few blocks or so passing a fence with a torch stood atop it.

Here, we can infer that Fundy seems to have never seen this place before, or has no recollection of it entirely. Fundy doesn’t seem to be immensely freaked out just yet, especially since he hasn’t asked any questions about how no one is there, mostly focusing on his location and asking what the place is about.

Fundy then asks why the van is here, then zooms in on the nametags he sees at the back of the van. It is notable that something nametagged “Fundy” is shorter than another thing that is nametagged “WilburSoot”. Fundy tries to reach out for them but is unable to enter the van.

We can easily infer that this scene was meant to represent Fundy’s childhood in L’Manberg when he was being taken care of by Wilbur. Despite the lack of silhouettes, we can easily determine that Fundy is young in this scene because of how his nametag is in a much lower position next to Wilbur's, implying that whoever owns that nametag is much shorter. We can denote that by the beginning of the L’Manbergian Revolutionary War, Fundy was, in fact, a child. 

Another question some of you might ask: why is the Camarvan here in the first place? While I believe it could be representative of the part of Fundy’s mind that tackles past memories, I do think it also serves another purpose which I will explain later.

Moving on to the next scenes, Fundy continues following the sandstone path while typing in chat, asking if anyone was actually there. He gets confused by the path for a moment, wanting to go to the ominous building, before realizing that the path does connect to the building, it just swerves a little to the left.

It is notable that when Fundy cried out for help, he doesn’t call for a name in specific-  he calls out for ANYONE. The fact that he is calling out for “anyone” could denote that he doesn’t have any close friends or family members he would want to specifically call out for. 

Continuing on, Fundy follows the path to the building, still very immensely confused about where he is. Opening the door, he sees that the inside descends into an underground room with its flooring made out of chiseled quartz blocks. Fundy gets scared at first, immediately closing the door, looking back in, and going back out once more.

Fundy denotes that there is absolutely nothing out here as he walks around the building. He then gains the courage to descend the staircase, wondering what it is, and at the bottom, there are a lot of misplaced sandstone blocks with small lights illuminating at certain corners. The path leads to the left, showing 10 pieces of red carpet on the floor, and 8 pieces of yellow carpet on the table. He approaches the wooden table before looking to his right, spotting a skull on the floor next to a piece of redstone, which I believe is meant to resemble blood.

I don’t think we really need to research a skull to check what it might represent, but my theory so far as to what the skulls mean in each building would be that it’s meant to represent Fundy losing a canon life. I don’t know if this was intentional, but the corner room where the skull is somewhat reminds me of the Final Control Room with the redstone in the middle representing the button. That is, after all, where Fundy lost his first canon life. 

One of the theories I subscribe to is that the skulls in these buildings are meant to foreshadow Fundy’s death before he ever reaches it. Earlier in the day, we saw Fundy pass by the Camarvan with a younger Fundy which could possibly imply that they haven’t gotten to Eret’s betrayal yet, but the skull creeping up at the corner could represent that it is, in fact, coming. How this ties in to the entire future predicting thing, I will explain later, but for now, keep an eye out on the skulls.

Terrified of the skull, Fundy opens the chest and hesitantly picks up the book and quill inside of it. He opens it and is introduced to another Fundy writing to himself. Other Fundy claims that they’re not exactly the same person, but this Fundy is a part of the real Fundy. Other Fundy claims that Fundy cannot trust this place as it is not real, then begins saying that Fundy himself is not real repeatedly. Fundy’s heart rate suddenly increases when he sees the words “wake up” appear slowly in the book, and after page 34 is shown, Fundy wakes up to a new day in the dream world. 

First thing to denote is that the book has 87 pages, and 87, according to affinitynumerology.com means as follows:

“The numerology number 87 is a number of family, organization, and prosperity.

It's also a number of harmony and idealism, the ideal generally related to a harmonious and prosperous family relationship.

87 has parental instincts. It assumes responsibility for the welfare of others it considers to be family.”

The explanation implies that Fundy longs for family and cares deeply for those who he considers as his family. As much as he hated Wilbur after he died, Fundy still continuously expressed how much he needed Wilbur to be there. He is absolutely attached to anyone who poses as a possible family member, especially to those who he views as parents or guardians. Even outside of Wilbur, he is still practically attached to Phil, even if Phil refuses to consider Fundy as family. Fundy also got immensely angered by Eret when she didn’t show up to sign his adoption papers. I’d even say his attachment to family would even reach people like Sally and Schlatt. Fundy has a tendency of casually talking about Sally, and whenever a character talks about eating salmon, Fundy becomes deeply offended. For Schlatt, Fundy kept Schlatt’s netherite sword after he died, considering it to be an “heirloom”, something that only gets passed down onto different generations of the same family. Fundy is incredibly attached to the sword, and whenever he loses it, he’s absolutely desperate to get it back. As much as Fundy gets abandoned, he still deeply appreciates a lot of his family.

87 is also very reminiscent of one of the books in the Inbetween. A lot of the phrasing in the books are actually quite similar to the Inbetween, but we aren’t sure if Fundy and the Inbetween are directly affecting each other or if these places merely work in similar ways. The main similarity between Fundy and the Inbetween is that it involves something related to time travelling, so the similarities could be pointing towards that rather than imply that Fundy is directly affecting the Inbetween all together.

Secondly, the book stops at Page 34. The website angelnumbers.org express the following:

"Most likely you are leaving your projects unfinished because of fear for their destiny after you finish them.

Will they be rejected or accepted by others?

Because you would rather not find out that and possibly have your ego hurt, you consciously or subconsciously sabotage your work and leave things unfinished.

When this number starts appearing in your life frequently, it is a reminder to acknowledge you have a problem and start dealing with it.”

This is very reminiscent of the paragraph I made earlier discussing Fundy’s relationship with Ranboo and Niki- and this could honestly apply to any other relationships Fundy has as well. Besides Fundy’s relationships, this explanation could apply to Fundy’s hesitance of finding out the truth of his mind. Earlier on in the streams, Fundy is immensely confused about the dream, not wanting to discover its truths at all. This eventually changes on the third day, but we’ll discuss that in a bit.

Another thing I’d like to discuss would be the identity of the book authors and why they wrote the books the way they did. I’ll explain about this more in-depth later, but I do believe that another Fundy is, indeed, writing these books. As this was set in Fundy’s mind, it’s quite impossible for anyone who isn’t Fundy to be meddling with the books. What we can denote, though, is the reason as to why these books were created in the first place. The book itself seems to be harmless at first, quite inviting towards Fundy in the first few pages, but once it had to introduce what this world is, it seemed to hesitate. There were a couple of disjointed pages, as well as blank pages, before it began claiming the world wasn’t real, and that Fundy wasn’t real. It turned a complete 180, which seemed to be very odd to me. In past events of the Dream SMP, derealizing statements like this tend to be tricks of the mind, but these statements seem to be intentionally put there by those who wrote the book, especially since later on, we see another book completely give up on saying these triggering statements, saying that “It’s not going to work.” (32:05). 

What this implies is that whoever placed these statements are attempting to scare Fundy in some way, possibly heightening his insecurities and terror so that he can be truly terrified of the place. The constant statements of “you are not real” may not only refer to the Other Fundy trying to make Fundy spiral downwards in derealization, but it might actually represent how neglected Fundy feels to the point of feeling invisible, to the point of feeling that he “isn’t real”. But why is this Other Fundy trying to scare Fundy, and who, specifically, is the person behind the writings, you might ask? This question will be answered later on when we go more in-depth with the other books, as the bigger picture is very much needed instead of explaining it all by the first book.

v. SECOND DAY

Fundy wakes up in his base once more, evidently confused. We don’t really know why he wakes up in his base, and why the world changes every time he wakes up, but let’s just say this is all part of his dream to make sense out of it. This time, he sounds more broken, and definitely more unhinged. He calls out for any other member in the chat, telling them that whatever they’re doing is not funny. This is the first we see of Fundy believing that the others may actually just have been pulling a prank on him. He opens his chests frantically before venturing outside once more. He claims that he doesn’t believe the book, saying that this dream sequence feels pretty real to him. 

This time, Fundy puts a bigger emphasis on asking why he is alone, and why nobody seems to be here with him. Fundy seems to be more shaken up by the idea that he’s alone over the idea that he does not know anything about where he is at all. He approaches the van, and when he zooms in, he sees that Wilbur’s nametag disappeared. 

Transcript of this following scene:

“I knew you were there. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no- you can’t fool me! No, I knew you were there Wil. You were there, right there! Where did you go? Are you being- he’s being funny. This is funny! This is great. Aw, this is amazing- it’s just a prank! It’s April Fools soon- that’s why! Oh, I’m just being pranked… right?”

Now, this was… sad. This is one of the other statements that could have a double meaning. Fundy insisting that Wilbur is supposed to be there could not only be him comparing this day to the previous, but it could also imply his true feelings towards Wilbur, especially since he’s disappeared for a good portion of Fundy’s life. Fundy believes Wilbur is supposed to be there for him, but the reality is that he wasn’t. Instead of facing reality, Fundy concludes that all of this was a harmless joke instead of believing that Wilbur might have possibly left him.

Fundy attempts to enter the van once more, but his attempt doesn’t work. He then follows the path on the side directing to the ominous building only for him to realize that it has gotten closer.

The building getting closer to the main base actually has a lot of symbolism behind it. The building itself stores a lot of secrets, especially when it comes to the truths about this world and the different insecurities Fundy has repressed. Those writing the books have laid out all these secrets in every single book found in this building. The fact that it’s underground is meant to represent that these secrets are meant to be hidden in the depths of Fundy’s mind, but the fact that the building is getting closer to the main base makes it feel like 1.) the stored secrets about this world that Fundy may have forgotten about might finally seep into his consciousness, making him aware of them next time he wakes up, and 2.) the insecurities Fundy repressed deep down are seeping out more and more as it reaches the main core. Once it’s there, Fundy won’t be able to reject the truth about his abandonment issues any longer.

Fundy nears the building, still quite nervous. He opens the door, and the layout of the inside seems to be slightly similar to the previous day, but there are small details here and there that are different. Instead of 10 red carpets, there are 6, and instead of 8 yellow carpets, there are 6. Additionally, the skull seems to be closer, this time directly next to the table.

While the carpets were quite subtle, I do think it symbolizes a certain decrease of something. Red symbolizes the color for passion and love, while yellow is meant to represent happiness and positivity. Earlier, we saw that Wilbur disappeared from the Carmarvan, so the decrease of rugs for each color could represent Fundy’s love and happiness decreasing.

For the skull itself, I don’t know if I’m right, but this is what I infer from it: On the first day, we saw that Wilbur was still standing next to Fundy in the Camarvan as the first skull underground was still very far away. On the second day, when Wilbur was gone, the skull got closer, standing next to the table instead of it being far away. I theorize that if the skull is closer, then a canon death has already occurred in the time period the day wants to present. The first day presents a time where Wilbur was still taking care of Fundy, so Eret’s betrayal may not have happened yet, hence why the skull merely stayed hidden at the corner. On the second day, Wilbur has actively left Fundy, similar to the period after L’Manberg’s independence when Fundy had to partake in the Pet Wars alone. During that era, the betrayal has already happened, which is why I believe the skull is much closer this time. 

Continuing on, Fundy opens the book and begins reading. From this point onwards, I do want to go more in depth with each of the books, so I’ll put transcripts here and there with my thoughts added onto it after each transcript.

“Hi me!

Welcome back!

Yeahh, second time here? or third?

not entirely sure”

So, this is confirmation that this might not be the first time Fundy’s having dreams like this. A good question to ask is if the book was written a long time ago and has presented itself the same way it does right now, or if this book was written recently. I don’t think the stream gave a definitive answer, but it is something to keep in mind.

“Listen to me Fundy

and you should trust me because,

well you know why

There are two things you can do right now

Walk back to your base, jump in bed, fall asleep, and you will wake up as if nothing ever happened

Or you can keep reading…

And I will tell you what I know”

The book pauses for a bit then continues saying “You are not real” ten times, “You dont want to know the truth” fifteen times, and spams “WAKE UP” until the 38th page, a number we analyzed earlier because of the 38 baked potatoes. 

For the book itself, whoever is writing the book seems to be a bit hesitant when writing. It doesn’t seem to want to explain what this place truly is to Fundy, and as much as it clarifies that they are, indeed, Fundy, they never expound on how they were able to write these books and why Fundy should trust him. Other Fundy saying “you should trust me because, well you know why” is actually quite ominous, and I can only think of two reasons as to why they would say it: 1.) Other Fundy is implying that Fundy can trust him because he is, in fact, the same person, or 2.) Other Fundy is hinting that Fundy trusts too easily as seen with the people Fundy trusted in the real world.

Additionally, the Other Fundy seems to emphasize on the fact that they WANT Fundy to go to sleep and wake up in the overworld. They phrase it so that sleeping once more is the more logical option, while they basically scare Fundy with the other option, evident by his quickened heartbeat. The Other Fundy seems to know about the intricacies of this dream and its world, but seems to be very hesitant to tell Fundy about it. The continuous threats imply that the Other Fundy doesn’t want Fundy to know the truth at all.

Basically, this Other Fundy knows something, something our Fundy doesn’t know about, and wants to emphasize that it is something horrific. He will do whatever he can do so that he can stop Fundy from knowing the truth, even if it means he has to scare Fundy.

Additionally, to me, it feels like “WAKE UP” could possibly have two meanings. If the underground structure is meant to represent things that Fundy constantly represses to the back of his mind, not only would the secrets of his dream reside there, but his own repressed insecurities may reside there as well. The way Fundy treats the truth about his dreams is actually quite similar with the way he treats his insecurities- he tends to reject its existence and pretend that everything is normal. This dream isn’t just a dream, it’s an exploration of Fundy’s mind, and telling Fundy to “WAKE UP” doesn’t just refer to not knowing the truths about the dream, but it could also refer to Fundy not knowing the truths about his own insecurities hidden deep in the depths of his mind. 

vi. THIRD DAY

Fundy wakes up, breathing heavily. He paces around his room before opening the door frantically, seeing that he is still stuck in a desert. He begins to laugh, repetitively telling himself that all of this is a “joke”. He continues questioning why he’s still in this dream, and when he opens the door, he sees the ominous structure observably closer to the base. He claims that he’s actually stressing out, and Fundy goes on a tangent about this dream and reveals a bit about his insecurities:

“They’re toying with me, they’re toying with me. They’re actually- everyone is toying with me- they are ALWAYS TOYING WITH ME. Everyone is! I’m always being played with. Why? Why always me- no! Why does it always have to be me? Every single time. I don’t wanna- (sigh). I don’t wanna keep dealing with this- I just wanna- no- do I just… Do I just… Do I just go up here and listen to- wai- okay. The book said I have two options: I can wait here until it’s night time. Wait until the sun sets and I can go to sleep, and when I go to sleep and wake up, none of this is real. None of this is gonna- it’s gonna disappear. None of this is real, none of this is real, none… It’s not real, it’s not real, I am currently not real, this is no- how is this possible? How is this- wha- how did- how… None of this is real. I am not real. All I have to do is wait for midnight and just sleep, and all of this would end, right? All I have to do is… wait until night time and then… it’s all gonna be over, it’s all gonna be done. 

I just gotta sleep, and then, it’s gonna disappear. And then everyone is gonna appear out of a bush and they’re gonna be ‘Surprise!’ and I’m gonna be like, ‘You guys! You’re always pranking me… you’ve always been there for me (sniffs). Every single time… except sometimes… when I needed you the most. I just go to bed… I just go to bed, and then I wake up, and none of this ever happened. And we’re gonna go back to my old life where I have fun and join parties and join groups and only see them disappear in front of my eyes as I start to get attached to them. Y-yeah, that’s- that’s- that’s the choice I’m making. Go back to that... (sigh). Just… or you know…”

LOTS to unpack here, and I’ll go one by one explaining certain aspects of this because it’s not just something that showcases Fundy’s insecurities.

Firstly, interesting how Fundy believed that the book was toying with him like how a lot of other people do. That’s what makes him afraid of the book- the feeling of being pushed around. The book is actively trying to use Fundy’s insecurities against him in order to make him more and more afraid of the truth. This is interesting because Fundy is known to be ignorant towards his actual issues (just look at his monologue), but the Other Fundy seems to be acutely aware of them. I will explain why he is aware of them later on.

Secondly, this is the most observable point, Fundy seems to be aware that he is quite frankly, alone, but tends to ignore it. He copes with his abandonment issues by treating his abandonment like a joke. He believes that every single person who’s left him did it as a prank. Even if he laughs at this idea, he is also evidently hurt by it. It hits even harder when you realize that Fundy is quite the dependent character, often sucking up to any person who gives him recognition. If Fundy depends on others to dictate his self-worth, how do you think he thinks of himself right now when he literally has nobody?

Putting emphasis on Fundy’s loneliness is going to be interesting because I do think some characters in future arcs are going to exploit that. If Quackity is going to use and manipulate Fundy the same way Sam does, then there would be no doubt that he will use Fundy’s loneliness against him. Even if it’s not Quackity who approaches Fundy first- even Bad, Sam, Dream, anyone, really, could use Fundy’s loneliness against him, which will make for an interesting plot point.

Lastly, not a lot of people spotted this, but this monologue also gives us insight as to why Fundy continued looking for the truth about his dreams instead of staying in his base and waiting for night. When talking about what to look forward to once he wakes up, he talks about how much “fun” he is going to have. Slowly, you see his denial start to dwindle as he finally admits that people leave him just as he gets attached to them. As much as Fundy wanted to wake up from this horrific dream, he realizes that, once he wakes up, he has nothing to look forward to either. That’s why he hesitates when he says “Yeah, that’s the choice I’m making,” because he realizes waking up isn’t as ideal as it seems. This is why Fundy immediately goes outside afterwards with no hesitation- Fundy has nothing left to lose, hence why he chooses to venture forth. Fundy is driven to do things because he feels like his life is purposeless anyway.

Fundy then begins to head outside quietly, zooming into the ominous building while walking right towards it. He then detours for a moment, walking towards the right of the building, and approaches a giant crater filled with obsidian and blackstone.

The explosion could symbolize two things:

Any of the L’Manberg explosions. With the obsidian and blackstone combination, my guess is that this is either the first Doomsday event (L’Manbergian War of Independence) because of L’Manberg’s walls, or the November 16th War because of Schlatt’s Podium. Why the big amount of blackstone and obsidian? Well, I’m not so sure when it comes to L’Manberg as its walls didn’t have obsidian, but for the November 16th war, I do think that the abundance of blackstone and obsidian is meant to represent how Fundy is reducing the November 16th war to Schlatt’s Podium. This can be alarming as he was the one who made Schlatt’s Podium, so reducing the war to that one building might symbolize that he blames himself for the war.

Another theory, which is the theory I subscribe to more, is that this is actually depicting an event in the future that we haven’t seen yet. Namely, the prison. If you zoom in on the explosion, the block pattern is quite reminiscent of the block pattern present in the prison.

While I’ll mostly discuss Fundy’s future predicting powers later, I do think that there’s a possibility that Fundy saw a vision of the future, unlike the past two days where he saw visions of the past. The prison might possibly be nuked in the future.

Fundy then proceeds to walk back towards the building, repetitively saying “no”. He claims he needs to find out, sounding more determined than before. For this, even if the explosion could represent many things, I do think Fundy is generally reminded of the explosions he had to witness throughout the history of the Dream SMP. Perhaps he believes that finding out the truth could prevent more explosions from occurring, perhaps he figured out that this was the prison and he needed to know why it exploded, perhaps him walking away from something that’s reminiscent of real life represents his choice of wanting to learn more about his dreams rather than sticking to anything similar to real life. 

Moving on, Fundy enters the building, saying he wants to know what’s going on. The underground room seems to have changed a bit, as the chiseled quartz floors changed into quartz bricks. The place also seems to be littered with end stone blocks and bricks. The place is much darker as well, and the carpets on the floor and table seem to be gone entirely. Two skulls can be observed near the table.

My brain actually can’t reason as to why the end blocks were there, or why the quartz blocks changed. My guess is that the end stones will eventually connect to a future plot point relating to the End, but again, I’m not sure. The carpets being gone could represent that the love and happiness (red and yellow) that Fundy had disappeared completely. The dishevelled state of the room could represent that the secrets being held inside this underground room are finally breaking free as its confines tear down more and more. 

Now the skulls- if we go by the theory I presented earlier, then the skulls are meant to represent canon deaths. If the skull was tucked into the corner, then that means death is to come, but if it’s near the table, then I believe the canon death already occurred. If two skulls are next to the table, then it could imply that whatever time period the day is set in should be around the time Fundy loses a second canon death, which hasn’t occurred yet. Again, this is all speculation, so I might be overthinking, but if the explosion is meant to represent the prison getting nuked, then there’s a possibility Fundy would lose a canon life before the prison gets destroyed.

Now, onto the juicy bit: the book. The book reads as follows:

“Hi. again.

...Why are we so persistent

...Why are we so stubborn

...You have been here before, but you keep coming back

...Why?

WHY???

You dont want to know the truth

It will hurt you

I dont want to be hurt again

YOU dont want to be hurt again

I KNOW WHAT YOU WANT

PLEASE JUST LEAVE

GO TO BED

FALL ASLEEP

ENJOY YOUR LIFE

ENJOY THE FUN THINGS

THE TRUTH ISNT WHAT YOU WANT

PLEASE

STOP THIS

STOP!!!”

The book tries scaring Fundy by spamming “WAKE UP” across multiple pages.

“It’s not going to work, huh..

Listen to me Fundy…

Your mind is not safe…

You are not imagining this…

This place might not be real…

But he is.

Spare yourself.

I need you to listen carefully.

Do not join him.

Whatever he asks of you.

Do NOT join him.

his plans aren’t as nice as they sound.

his intentions aren’t what you think they are.

he will use you

he will destroy you

everything you ever loved

everyone you ever cared about

do not join him.”

Before I explain this book, I think it’s best to also note down what was said in the next book as well so I can better explain what’s going on.

“note to self

hello

I just wrote this book to remember who I am

To remember what is happening

All the books I just found are indeed written by me

Listen to yourself

You suffer from a very odd illness

You suffer from a form of insomnia, within your own dreams.

Now the effects of this aren’t really known, and even I don’t fully know what is going on.

but let me tell you

somehow, this world, these actions and events, are linked to reality.

things that happen in these so-called “dreams”, tend to leak into the real world

they will actually happen.

you might wonder how exactly this is a bad thing.

the ability to predict certain events from happening, sounds pretty cool.”

Fundy then stops reading the book, seemingly overwhelmed by the influx of information. Analysis time, boys, time to unpack what this all means.

Firstly, I believe that this dream has happened before. Multiple times, actually. If certain “events” in the dream are meant to predict the future, then the moments involving the Camarvan on the first two days could imply that Fundy has seen this place before during the L’Manberg era where he could’ve predicted Eret’s betrayal and the loss of his father. If we think about it, the books could honestly be given to Fundy at any time period and it would work. Look at the entire section of the book describing someone who Fundy can’t trust- this “him” person could honestly be… anyone who abandoned Fundy? If the book hints at someone who might possibly hurt and use Fundy, then Eret, Wilbur, Schlatt, and Dream could also be considered. These people were nice to Fundy at first before betraying him one way or another. There is a possibility that this dream has warned Fundy about these people in the past, only for Fundy to forget about the dream. What about this time though, who is this “him” that’s going to betray Fundy during this time period? Well, the easy answer would be Quackity, but Bad could be a possibility as well. With the hint towards Quackity at the end, I do believe that Quackity would be the main suspect, but it’s also good to keep an open mind as we don’t know much of who Fundy’s involved with in Season 3.

Now, why would Fundy be able to forget about the dreams, though? I do think that whoever is responsible for writing the books are doing their best to prevent Fundy from uncovering the truth. Who do I think are the book authors? Well, I don’t think they were lying when they said that they were Fundy. I believe that, just like the Dream voice in Ranboo’s head, the Fundy that writes books would be some sort of conscience or subconscious in Fundy’s mind. This part of the mind holds certain memories repressed by Fundy, as well as some of the insecurities he chooses to ignore. They are aware of all of Fundy’s past visits of this dream, and they know the dangers of it, which is why they want Fundy to not uncover the truth. 

The signed book claims that whatever Fundy sees in the dream will seep out into reality. Knowing this, I believe Fundy’s subconscious is trying to prevent Fundy from seeking out the truth to prevent these future visions from happening in real life; this especially applies to events that involve Fundy possibly being hurt. There is a possibility that this Fundy has seen past Fundy’s discover events like the Camarvan and the loss of Wilbur occur in dreams way past before it occurred in real life, so they feel afraid that our Fundy would uncover more and more truths that would become reality. While we don’t know if Other Fundy’s beliefs on future predicting is true, this gives us a better understanding of why they want Fundy to go to bed and wake up. (Additionally, the Other Fundy has placed emphasis on saying that the truth may hurt Fundy, so there is a possibility that these future events might involve something that heightens Fundy’s insecurities more. That’s why this Fundy seems to be so aware of Fundy’s insecurities- they have witnessed Fundy’s insecurities being used against him in certain visions.)

For the memory thing, so far, I believe a part of Fundy’s mind is actively suppressing all the memories Fundy has of his dreams. Fundy already represses a lot of his insecurities, so using Fundy’s insecurities against him might actually enable them to keep Fundy’s memories about the dream locked in the corners of his mind. The place where the book is kept in is underground, after all, but we do have to keep in mind that the building is getting closer and closer to Fundy’s main base. This could symbolize that Fundy will remember his dreams more once he wakes up.

So basically, so far, Fundy has dreamt this dream multiple times in the past, and during each dream, he witnesses an event in the future that could possibly happen in real life. Fundy’s subconscious, or possibly past versions of Fundy, are trying to warn future Fundy’s to not uncover too many truths about the dream as they believe this could possibly manifest terrible events to happen in real life. To get Fundy to go back to bed, they try scaring Fundy, using his insecurities against him, only this time, Fundy is a bit more disobedient because, again, he feels like he has nothing left to lose. 

Another theory I have which I’m not 100% sure about is that this Other Fundy, as much as it has good intentions, may have committed a mistake when they tried to get Fundy to bed by using his insecurities. If anything in the dream may happen in real life, them heightening Fundy’s insecurities might pass over to the real world as well. While scaring Fundy could prevent him from uncovering the truth, it might’ve also been a double-edged sword as Fundy is more aware of his insecurities more than ever.

Continuing on, Fundy decided to leave the building, seeing that it’s night time. He sounds relieved knowing that he can sleep and that he can wake up from this dream. He celebrates for a moment, throwing the book away, but then he hesitates, saying he wants to know the truth. He picks the book up again but doesn’t read it immediately, claiming that he could just sleep instead of knowing the truth.

Fundy seems to revel in the idea of waking up for a bit until he mentions how much of a “blast” he can have with everyone once he wakes up. After mentioning this, he immediately picks up the book with no hesitation. This is the second time Fundy is shown to be motivated in finding the truth about his dreams because of him realizing how unfun the real world is. Again, Fundy is seen to be motivated by the fact that he has nothing left to lose, and as much as he is scared of this dream, he seems to prefer finding this world’s truth over going back into the real world where he’s practically alone.

Moving on, the book continues:

“however…

while this might be the case of dreams…

this is also the case for nightmares…

this is your last warning Fundy

please… for the both of us…

just wake up”

This part of the book simply affirms all I’ve theorized about earlier. The Other Fundy hints that some events that Fundy might witness in his dream would be detrimental to Fundy, which is why he doesn’t want Fundy to continue exploring. He knows that Fundy will possibly manifest an event that will ruin him in real life, so he wants Fundy to sleep instead of accidentally manifesting his demise.

vii. FOURTH DAY

Fundy then wakes up once more, complaining that this dream never ends. He goes outside, seeing a black, hooded figure slowly turn around and chase him. With a quickened heartbeat, he runs up his stairs to sleep in a black bed placed on the roof. Fundy screams as we see the hooded figure approach, and the screen fades to black. A white smiley face reminiscent of the one on Quackity’s skin appears on the screen as casino slots sound effects play in the background.

Now, what do I make of this? Well, firstly, we gotta point out that his bed at the end looked EERILY similar to a gravestone. A lot of websites claim that sleeping in a gravestone or seeing a gravestone could indicate change, especially when it comes to overcoming one’s sadness or problems. In a literal sense, we can think of it as something foreshadowing a future canon death, especially if we think that the person chasing Fundy is the grim reaper.

Speaking of that person, I do have a couple of explanations as to who this person is:

The person is death themselves, the grim reaper. This is the common conclusion everyone believes in, especially when we consider this “him” person possibly hurting Fundy, and that second skull in the underground room. Quackity is the main culprit for now, especially with that smiley face in the end, but there could be other possibilities! Like, what if someone takes Fundy’s canon life before he joins Quackity, which is why the smiley face only popped up after Fundy’s dream death? Mayhaps someone affiliated with Quackity might be doing the dirty work for him, so Bad, Sam, Dream, and anyone, really, could be responsible for Fundy’s future canon death. Moreover, the fact that this death occurs affirms the beliefs of the Other Fundy. The Other Fundy merely wants Fundy to be safe from possibly manifesting his demise in real life, but Fundy’s curiosity got the best of him, and in the next sequence, he was killed, proving that the Other Fundy was right in saying that Fundy should’ve just slept.

A theory I made up which I’m not 100% sure of is that this figure is actually Fundy’s subconscious trying to get him to sleep. When Fundy was being chased, we heard a quickened heartbeat, and where was the only other time we heard that? When Fundy was reading the “WAKE UP” and “you’re not real” messages from those books. We can view this as the Other Fundy’s attempt in trying to get Fundy to actually sleep by using another scare tactic against Fundy. And well… it did work! Because Fundy was afraid of this figure, Fundy went to sleep. There is also a possibility that this occurrence is what makes Fundy forget about the dream because his subconscious got a hold of Fundy and forcibly made him forget, but I’m not 100% sure about that one yet.

Lastly, the face! That should already allude to Fundy possibly joining Quackity’s lore, and with the “38 potatoes” symbolizing business opportunities, I expect Fundy to be joining Las Nevadas as a possible employee. Quackity does, in fact, prey on people who are insecure, and can easily get them to do whatever he wants because of his words. If he can get Sam to give him the tools needed to torture Dream, Quackity might exploit Fundy’s loneliness into making him do whatever Quackity wants from him. 

Another face that this could possibly connect to is the face in the Egg lair! While I’m leaning more towards Quackity because of the casino sounds, I do wanna say that the Egg and the Eggpire could possibly be connected as well, especially when the Egg could provide Fundy anything he wants. Just like how Quackity could prey on Fundy’s insecurities, the Egg preys on those who feel like they’re missing something, so as much as Fundy could be manipulated by Quackity, he could also be manipulated by the Egg. Additionally, business opportunities could apply to the Eggpire as well as they’ve contacted Purpled in the past to assassinate Puffy, so who’s to say they won’t try adding Fundy to the Eggpire?

TLDR; This entire stream showcased both Fundy’s insecurities and Fundy’s future predicting powers and how this “Other Fundy”, aka his subconscious, wants him to repress them because they believe that if Fundy uncovers the secrets of his dream more, then Fundy would accidentally manifest his demise in real life. Additionally, Fundy is very lonely, making him vulnerable of being used in the future because he is desperate to get any type of recognition from anybody. In summary, be afraid of Fundy’s future lore streams, be very afraid.

viii. ADDITIONAL NOTES

Even when I finish this, there’s a lot of questions to ask about this stream that I want you to keep in mind:

How many times has Fundy encountered this before?

How does Fundy forget all the information he got from the dreams?

How does Fundy write to himself?

Why is there so many details connected to Karl, and what does it have to do with time travelling?

Why does Fundy return to his bed every time his heartbeat quickens when reading a book?

Was the first scene part of the dream or not?

Could the underground room’s structure actually mean something?

And there’s probably more, but just saying, keep an open mind about this entire stream because there’s definitely a lot more to uncover.

I want to reiterate: I am not the Messiah, so don’t take my word as the truth and the absolute truth. I’d love to hear your thoughts about Fundy’s stream as a lot of it could be up for speculation! The entire thing is filled to the brim with symbolisms, so there could be a lot of interpretations to consider. If you enjoyed this, feel free to like and retweet because I worked my ASS off with this one. 

Special thanks to the following:

Fundy and any of the Dream SMP members because that stream was INCREDIBLE. Go give them your love and support.

kingjem for always being there whenever I want to discuss any ideas I have about the Dream SMP. One of the smartest bitches I know, go follow them.

To all my betas who reviewed this document since I have a TON of grammar mistakes (thanks English): prismartist, bootsforthebootsgod, Finni_june (twt), ender-hyperfocuses-on-things, and Dngertosociety2 (twt)

And to all of you who like this post and would share it to other people! All support is appreciated. :D

[100hearteyes]

Part 2 of Clarke And Lexa Make a Porno, because why the fuck not.

Part 1.

"No. Absolutely not."

Anya's wolfish grin is no good omen. Lexa feels a sense of dread wash over her and tries in vain to assuage her nerves by holding her friend's gaze. Anya wouldn't look this sure if she didn't have some card up her sleeve.

Lexa throws a furtive glance around, checks that her co-workers are still focused on the German porn telenovela. It's only when she's sure that the action on-screen will keep them rooted for a while that she turns back to Anya, trying but failing to meet her eyes.

She overcompensates with another glance around the room and a low hiss. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but am I not too," she licks her lips, gathering the courage, "'vanilla' to do it?"

Anya shrugs like it's a no-brainer; crosses her arms and props her booted feet on Lexa's desk. "That's exactly the point. You're a lesbian Disney princess. Pretty sure if you started singing the whole fucking fauna of Capitola would follow you around."

Lexa levels Anya with a glare and tries to push her feet off the desk, to no avail.

(Seriously, what's it worth being editor if she can't even have her subjects' respect? She wishes this job was less about the headaches and more about the self-indulgent moments of microscopic tyranny.)

The feet might not budge, but Anya will. Lexa is sure of it. She draws herself taller and tucks on her most authoritative scowl. "I won't do it."

Anya plucks an imaginary cigarette from her mouth and throws it away without a care in the world. She reaches behind her and drags forth a heavy wooden box, filled to the brim with—

"My vinyls."

Lexa is in a daze.

She thought she'd lost all her vinyls to time and moving. She mourned each one of them for at least a year, cried many a night away clutching her record player to dear life, lamenting their shared loss.

They had a real connection.

But it turns out her vinyls weren't lost after all, and her tears were for naught. They were safe all along, albeit in different hands, and she'd known nothing of it, like a mother who lets her children wander about without aim nor authority.

How can she ever have kids if she can't even take care of her prized vinyls?

Lexa feels a prick of self-righteous indignation at the betrayal and puffs out her chest. "Why do you have all my vinyls?"

"I think you mean all my vinyls," Anya corrects with a lazy flurry of one hand towards the box.

"You don't even own a record player."

"How the fuck would you know?"

Lexa raises an eyebrow at her friend. "I come over all the time?"

"I could hide it while you're there."

"And then you'd never find it again, because that's what happens every time you try to hide something from me."

Anya shrugs and watches as Lexa picks one of the vinyls and turns it over in her hands, reading the track list on the back with the reverence one would a millennium-old parchment. Then she looks up at Anya with a stern glare.

"Over half of these were stolen from my house."

Anya shrugs again with infuriating nonchalance and Lexa wishes she had a pencil nearby just so she could snap it in two with one hand. Or stab one of Anya's eyes with it.

"Maybe I just rescued them from the actual malefactor," drawls Anya.

"We both know the real culprit sits across from me and has been wearing the same socks for the past three weeks."

Nailed it.

When she looks at her friend, however, all she sees is that same old resting bitch face that never seems to go away.

"Wow, Lexa," Anya deadpans. "Now you've really hurt my feelings."

Sometimes, Lexa wonders if Anya really has a rock where her heart should be. A supernatural, blood-pumping rock, of course, but a rock nonetheless. Or, maybe, Anya is a psychopath. Maybe the blood money theory wasn't so far-fetched after all. That would explain the brazen lack of empathy for everyone else's feelings, most of all Lexa's. What does it say about Lexa that her one true friend is someone who sneezes literally every time Lexa says 'I love you'?

Not that Lexa says it a lot. Only once or twice every few years.

Just enough to have noticed the pattern.

"Are you really trying to blackmail me with vinyls?"

Anya fakes an affronted gasp, laying a hand on her heart. "Would I ever. Think of it as... an incentive."

Lexa really does love Anya, despite her friend's... unique demeanor. Anya helps her come out of her shell — by taking up all the space and forcing her out of her own metaphorical home — and every once in a while she likes to make sure Anya is aware of her gratitude. Sometimes, though, things get really fucking weird.

Lexa would still do anything for her best friend.

"Let's imagine, hypothetically - very hypothetically," she stresses, although Anya's burgeoning smirk tells Lexa she isn't so easily fooled, "that I agreed. What would happen next?"

Anya takes her feet off Lexa's desk and sits up straighter, perhaps aware of the importance of this moment. This, Lexa decides, will determine her answer.

"Well first, I'd have to get you a costar. Then we'd sign some legally binding shit, find a crew, and make the damn movie. Simple as that."

Anya leans forward, looking into her eyes. In Anya's, she sees honesty and a pressing need to reassure. It takes some of the pressure off her shoulders right away.

"Look, Lexa, you can say no. But your name won't be on anything related to the movie and I promise no one in this shitty town will ever find out you did this."

This is why Anya is Lexa's best friend. And it's why Lexa would do anything for her.

Even star in a porno.

"Okay."

Anya's inner smile must be really, really big, because Lexa knows how hard she tries to tamper its outward expression — and still her lips manage to lift into a grotesque grimace. Coming from Anya, it's the equivalent of a blissful grin.

"Okay?"

Lexa nods and closes her eyes, bracing herself for a bone-crushing hug. It never comes. When she opens her eyes, Anya's resting bitch face is back on.

"What, did you want a fucking hug?"

It's a blessing to have her rude friend back, Lexa guesses, because seeing Anya almost smile is fifty shades of unsettling. So she rolls her eyes and rolls with it.

Her next question demands her full focus, lest she makes an even bigger fool of herself than usual.

Lexa breathes in, makes sure all her co-workers are still otherwise entertained, breathes out. Smooths out a non-existent wrinkle in her pants, wets her lips for courage.

"Anyway," she treads with caution, "do you have someone in mind for the other main role?"

It's fitting that Harper McIntyre's hit song One More Betyreyal (one of her less inspired titles, if Lexa may say so) starts playing in that moment, for the look in Anya's eyes speaks of nothing but danger. Lexa wonders how much planning went into this conversation, so Anya could plan all her gut punches in advance.

"Clarke Griffin."

No. No. Anyone but her.

Clarke Griffin is the new recruit, although Lexa hardly understands how there can be someone new considering the station is broke and they’re already overstaffed — and none of them make nearly enough money for how much they laze around all day.

Clarke came from out of town with a fancy degree and was directly hired as an editor. She voices the early afternoon newscasts and Lexa curses the one-hour period during which she's forced to cohabitate with Clarke every day.

Apparently, Clarke had taken a liking to unnerving her, be it by smirking at her every time she catches Lexa staring or by making all sorts of inappropriate comments — to her ear. Lexa hates how much it affects her, but how can she possibly focus on reporting about Lionel "Real Sight" Foster swallowing his own wooden eye or how Jasper Jordan rescued his own private parts from the jaws of two slats of an unassuming park bench if someone keeps doing everything in their power to distract her?

Lexa has a theory (an iron-clad theory, if she may say so herself), and it's that Clarke is trying to get her fired so she can take her shift. It's the best shift of the day. There is no other possible explanation.

"You know what, I take it back. Now you need to convince two people to star in your porno."

"Oh, there's no need." Anya waves her argument away with staggering nonchalance. "Clarke's already said yes."

Wait, what? "But you told me we'd need to get me a costar."

Anya shrugs and Lexa is now seriously considering revisiting her psychopath theory. "I lied."

"You conniving, lying b—"

"Careful," Anya cuts in with a raised eyebrow. "I am under protection of the Capitola Astrologers Union."

"Of which you are president, treasurer, and the only legal member," Lexa reminds her. "And I think any upstanding judge would love to know how exactly every other name on the list has joined said union posthumously."

"I am an astrologer, Lexa. I can communicate with the dead. It's in my job description."

"It scares me that you're not even aware you're describing an entirely different profession."

Lexa sits back, staring at the ceiling (and the chewing gum Murphy glued there a year ago — he could've been an Olympic jumper if he committed to work the way he does to being an asshole), trying to come to terms with a single, harrowing probability: she's going to star in a porno with Clarke Griffin.

"l don't understand why it has to be Clarke."

Anya leans forward, propping her elbows on her knees, expression serious and ready to talk shop. The last time Lexa saw her like this was— actually, Lexa doesn't think she's ever seen Anya like this.

"Look, I've done some market analysis and most girl on girl pairings are a blonde and a brunette." Anya raises both her hands and starts counting off fingers, "Brittana, Petramos, Holstein, Wayhaught, Supercorp, Joanarty, Choni, the inaptly named Shoni, Deanoru, Dana and Alice, Bette and Tina, Catradora, Villaneve, Clexa—"

"What's Clexa?"

"I don't know, some chicks from this fucking terrible CW show."

"Do you like it?"

"Do I like what?"

"Clexa."

"Dude, I don't even know their fucking names!" Anya exclaims, exasperated. As if she's the victim here. "The only Clexa I ship is you and Blondie. Naked. On my porno. Clarke and Lexa. Clexa. Havin' very hot sexa."

"Smart," Lexa deadpans.

"I know."

"Why can't it be Niylah? She's blonde, too."

Anya's smirk is five hundred shades of gross. "I know you'd love to get up close and personal with Niylah's knick-knacks, but no."

Lexa decides to let the comment fly for the sake of her own sanity.

"Why Clarke, though?"

"Because you two have chemistry, you fucking dimwit."

Lexa snorts. Chemistry. Lexa has never heard of something so absurd. She and Clarke have as much chemistry as Harper McIntyre and any semblance of originality.

Which is to say, none at all.

"She makes very inappropriate comments," she argues instead, knowing full well that pressing on the topic of chemistry will only open way for some trademark crass joke from Anya.

"Yeah," her friend agrees, like it's obvious. "Because she knows you love them."

She most certainly does not.

"I most certainly do not."

"You do. Your freakishly tiny ears go red whenever she flirts with you. Your step falters when she makes one of those comments, for fuck's sake," Anya observes, pointing in Lexa's general direction, before leaving forward and laying a hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry to tell you this, but you, my friend, are a walking lesbian cliché."

Lexa takes Anya's hand off her shoulder. "Can you please stop insulting my tragically conspicuous homosexuality?"

"Oh please," Anya scoffs. "I'm bisexual, I can say whatever I want."

"If my step actually faltered - which they don't - it would be because her comments are annoying, off-putting, unprofessional, inopportune, and... and inappropriate", she finishes lamely.

"And you fucking love them."

"I don't."

Anya leans back on her chair with an evil smirk, propping her feet on the table and crossing them at the ankles. Lexa tries to push them off to no avail.

"Legalities aside, it's very simple. Clarke has already said yes. I just recorded you saying yes."

Lexa sputters, "You what--"

"You're both legally bound now." Anya shrugs. "Look at it this way: it will be very educational. You'll finally learn how to make a girl come, and get paid for it. Sort of."

A beat of silence.

"Anya, are you aware that you say something at least vaguely criminal every five sentences? Something that could actually put you in prison?"

Anya clicks her tongue, sinking farther into her chair, and lowers her sunglasses to her eyes.

"I've got friends everywhere, Lex. Let's just say I've dipped more than my fingers in my fair share of pies, if you catch my drift." A second later, she lowers her sunglasses just enough to reveal her eyes. "That means my tongue. My tongue's been in a lot of pies, too."

Lexa doesn't doubt that for a second.

"What I need to know is," Anya adds, taking off her sunglasses and throwing them across the room, "will you dip your fingers in the porn pie?"

Like this conversation hasn't caused enough trauma for thirty lifetimes.

"If I say no, will you still give me back my vinyls?"

"Absolutely fucking not."

Lexa swallows, clenches her jaw, and thinks of all those lonely nights spent in the couch clutching her record player and sharing cookie dough ice cream with it, longing for long-gone times when she'd dance to the mellow voices of the likes Billy Ocean and Ella Fitzgerald.

"My answer is yes."

[starcloud-nova]

Favorite fics by some of your buddies on Tumblr and Discord?

God nonnie. You fucked up big time. You underestimated just how hard I can appreciate my friends. I’d like to formally apologize for how long and in-depth this got, but I would pick a stopping point and then go ‘oh! but i cant leave out so-and-so’ and then this got mega out of hand.

Organized by author and not genre! And if I didn’t include any of your works (or I did and it was not the one you wanted), please, don’t take it personally. I am trusting everyone who comes across this post to read the tags themselves, but for two of the fics I have left TWs in front of them.

Cassia’s fics:

Internet Enemies by @cassiopeia721 (x)

At school, Midoriya Izuku is ignored at best. At home, he's raised by a single mother who seems to be always taking night shifts, and who he communicates with almost exclusively through notes on lunch boxes and texts lying about his location. As such, Midoriya Izuku turns to the internet— or more specifically, an All Might fan server on discord— for companionship. Like most things in his life, it goes wrong eventually. It just takes longer than usual.

hypnic jump

Izuku finds himself somewhere he doesn't recognize in an oversized green jumpsuit with a hero he's never seen at his back. He's pretty sure he's dreaming, and subsequent events only solidify that theory into rock-solid certainty.

Paradigm Shift (Harry Potter)

Harry undergoes a paradigm shift at the beginning of his fifth year. (Slytherin Harry)

~~~

Kestrel’s fics:

Compass by @autisticmidoriyas (x)

Midoriya Izuku never had the chance to become a hero—or even to grow up. Fifteen years after his death, Akatani Izuku tries to save the life of a dying hero and in return receives a target painted on his back and a power humming in his bones.

All Might, Sir Nighteye, Ground Zero, Suneater, and Skyquake are left scrambling in the wake of Lemillion’s death to figure out who now holds One For All.

Intertwined with all this, the League of Villains’ war against Japan burns on. With the loss of Lemillion, the advantage is now theirs, and with the loss of One For All, victory is all-but-assured.

(What the villains don’t know is that One For All lives on in the blood of a boy who was always meant to be a hero.)

triskelion

A few seconds, and their lives—their life—is changed forever. Where three people used to exist, there is now only one.

While visiting the mall with their class, Izuku, Katsuki, and Shouto are the victims of someone whose quirk can fuse together objects … and people.

Permanently.

Facing down the fact that they may never be unfused, a long adjustment period lies ahead of them as they learn how to be themself and figure out where they fit into their families, their class, and their world.

the meaning of hope

One day, the smoke will reach its end. They hold out hope for that. Even with quirks, fires cannot burn forever. They will consume all their fuel, until there is nothing left, and they will wither and die.

~~~

Lilly’s fics:

Rise of the Rat Finks by Authoress_Lilly

“You're not in trouble Neito. You’ve been tapped to join The Rats.”

The boy blinks. “The what?”

Vlad opens up a folder and hands Monoma a flyer and a small pin in the shape of a rat. “It’s a sort of secret society here at UA.

Or: an excuse to put Monoma and Midoriya together in way too many words 😅

The Root to Villainy

Prompt: Izuku doesn't realize how fucked up his past was until Aizawa does an immersive class on villain origins.

Whoops?

~~~

Dance’s fics:

Never Take Your Problem Children To Costco by DanceInTheKitchen

“SECURE THE EGGS! I REPEAT SECURE THE EGGS!” Bakugou bellowed.

“YES SIR! AYE AYE SIR!” Izuku saluted.

Shouta is staring at his students, one of whom seems to be reenacting the Lion King with a carton of eggs while the other salutes him, and wonders. What the hell did he do in his past life to deserve this?? Past him must have committed some great sin, like putting sugar in his coffee, or being a dog person.

 Or, Aizawa, Bakugou and Midoriya walk into a Costco.

grow as we go

The dorms were silent, but out here in the open air, she felt both isolated and free. Isolated from the world, but free from the responsibility crushing her, isolated from her friends and family, but free from judgement. Up here, with only the stars and Iida as company, Momo felt like she could breathe.

They sat next to each other in silence, watching the stars silently crawl their way across the sky. Iida doesn’t break the silence, but he also doesn’t leave. It’s a silent promise, to listen if she needs it, or to keep her company if she doesn’t want to speak. It’s comforting.

She’s not sure when she speaks, it’s somewhere between staring up at the stars, and looking at the shiny dew covering the grass of the hills behind UA.

“I’m not ready.”

 Or, with graduation right around the corner, Momo has a conversation with Iida about what growing up means.

~~~

Azure’s fics:

A Helping Hand for All by azureskyy

Izuku doesn't know why everyone's talking about a certain hero analyst online. He's tried browsing through the forums and other sites, but he just can't find the person they're talking about.

Maybe he'll ask them later. For now, he has some analysis to do.

Or: Izuku is a well-known hero and quirk analyst across multiple social media platforms.

Not that he's aware of it, of course.

A Missed Chance

Two paths cross then diverge. In another universe, perhaps, they could have walked on the same path; they could have talked for the second time that day, and Izuku could have been given an opportunity that could change his entire life. And maybe, just maybe, he would have taken it.

But this isn’t that universe.

Or: What if All Might wasn't able to find Izuku after the Sludge Villain Incident?

~~~

Alice’s fics:

A Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by @makeitbluue (x)

“Did you think you’d be safe from me forever? That you could chip away at my power base and I would not care or try to hunt you down?” The man asks as he steps forwards.

Izuku scrambles backwards in his bed, searching the covers as he goes for his phone. If he can get a text off to All Might or Aizawa-sensei he can alert people to the potential danger.

But even as he moves, something in the back of his mind tells him he had heard this voice before. A different time, a different context, but the same voice.

~~~

Ely’s fics:

bend and break by @queenangst (x)

In a world where you can feel your soulmate's pain, Eijirou spends a lot of his life up until meeting his soulmate hurting.

draw and quarter

In District Twelve, no one volunteers.

When Aizawa Shouta’s name is called, no one says a word. He stands there for a moment, feeling all the world slow around him, and then he straightens his shoulders and walks to his death.

He will die fighting. At the very least, Shouta can promise that.

Shouta's name is drawn for the Hunger Games, alongside Shirakumo Oboro. No one from their district has ever won.

damage control

After All for One's defeat, Aizawa Shouta is grasping for ways to protect his students. At the same time, a discrepancy in Midoriya's behavior leads Shouta down a dangerous line of investigation and to a single question: if Midoriya is the U.A. traitor.

Between the Wind and the Water

Staying at U.A. for winter break, Izuku hopes it'll be a quiet chance to spend the holidays with Todoroki and supervising teachers All Might and Aizawa-sensei.

It's just his luck a gift-shopping trip turns into a gift from a villain, and Izuku's new Half-Cold, Half-Hot Quirk is not so easy to control. Neither are the secrets he's been carefully keeping.

a glimpse of tomorrow (looking back)

Subject: Aldera Time Capsule Ceremony Forwarded Message— This year marks ten years for the Aldera Middle School graduating class of 20XX.To celebrate, we would like to invite pro heroes Kingpin and Deku, Aldera alumni, to participate in a public time-capsule opening. We are incredibly proud to have helped them on their journeys to becoming heroes, and would be most honored to receive them as guests and for them to speak at the ceremony. [...]

"Well," Deku says, leaning over to turn the monitor towards him. His eyes flick over the contents of the email one more time. "If they haven't changed, then I guess we could return the favor."

Ten years down the line, Bakugou and Midoriya are invited to a time capsule ceremony at their middle school to read letters from their past selves, and look back on their past and how it shaped their future. For anyone else, it would have been a celebration.

For the two of them, it's an opportunity.

A look into Bakugou and Midoriya's past—through a future neither of them imagined—as pro heroes, agency partners, and friends.

of the mighty heart

It was just complicated. Kacchan had changed. Izuku had changed. What was between them was constant—Kacchan was always there—but even constants, Izuku supposed, could change, too.

...You saved me, sometimes you say Deku and it doesn’t sound so much like an insult, you say it like you mean it, you say it like you mean me.

After the war ends and the dust settles, Izuku is left in pain and feeling useless. There's still so much to do and people to save, and it's just... too much for one person.

And then there's Kacchan.

~~~

Fawn’s fics:

Bough Breaks by @fawnvelveteen (x) (trigger warning for discussion of rape/noncon)

In life, nothing is certain. Pro-heroes aren’t always the good guys. Children are not spared from the darkest realms of humanity. Izuku isn't acting like his normal self at school lately, and his homeroom teacher has taken notice. After learning about the mother’s new, unwelcomed boyfriend, Aizawa’s concern shifts into dread. He’ll do whatever it takes to keep his student away from harm.

Almost Moon (trigger warning for suicide) (Black Clover)

It was always at night. One of Noelle's squadmates, apparently, believes it's a good idea to walk across the rooftop, directly over her head while she is trying to get some sleep. Finally, she decides to confront the nighttime nuisance. What she discovers is something she never expected, nor did she wish to see.

~~~

Nez’s fics:

The True Successor by @neko-nez (x)

Toshinori is caught in a time loop.

~~~

Aodh’s fics:

new game + (the pros of being over-leveled, the catharsis of finally beating That One Boss, and a bonus social link) by @takeyamayuu (x)

Izuku hasn’t been noticed yet, being as far from the fight as he is. Or if he has, they’re dismissing him in favor of the larger threat of Aizawa-sensei. As they should, since he takes out the last one with a well placed kick, turning to face Shigaraki,

Izuku tenses, this is-

This is where his teacher’s arm is injured and then-

The Nomu.

One for All spikes to around fifty percent, his muscles stinging, bones creaking as Izuku darts forward, aiming for Shigaraki’s head with an axe-kick.

Second year Midoriya Izuku gets hit with a Quirk, skids into the USJ, and learns a little about self-care along the way.

~~~

Ghost’s fics:

fingerpaint bruises and a kick in the teeth by @ghoststrawberries (x)

There’s a sour taste in Shouta’s mouth as he stares at Jackrabbit’s bright smile. The smile he’s wearing in every clear photo of him. It somewhat reminds Shouta of All Might’s smile.

Jackrabbit might be a menace to the Commission, but there’s no way Shouta can believe that a man with that smile is anything less than good to his core.

“And I’m your last resort to handle this quietly.” He says knowingly, keeping his thoughts to himself.

“Precisely.”

Shouta’s gut response is to refuse.

The words “I don’t kill.” are halfway up his throat before they become stuck.

As an underground hero, sometimes Shouta Aizawa is called upon to do darker jobs than one might expect a hero to have to do. This time, when he's tasked with taking out a vigilante who's managed to bother the Hero Public Safety Commission one too many times, he's not sure he'll be able to follow through.

~~~

Amira’s fics:

And Now I See Daylight by @awake-my-oceans (x)

AnalysisOverload Current mood: HERO CON HERO CON HERO CON HERO CON

AnalysisOverload reblogged AnalysisOverload  Okay, let’s talk HeroCon. 

Look around, and you’ll see a lot of discrimination—against people whose Quirk is debilitating, against people whose Quirks scare us, against people who have trouble controlling their Quirk, against people who don’t have a Quirk at all. It’s easy to feel alone in a sea of discrimination.

Enter HeroCon:X.

A social media fic following Deku post-graduation.

The chaotic neutral’s guide to time travel

“You claim you are from the future,” Nedzu said, hopping onto his desk. “Do you have anything to prove this?”

Hitoshi fished around in his pocket. “Here’s my hero license,” he said, holding it up.

Nedzu opened his mouth, but Hitoshi kept right on going, producing a handful of odds and ends from his pocket. “Also a movie ticket, some dryer lint, some, uh, didn’t know I still had that but it’s old gum—“

That was when Aizawa walked in, capture weapon floating around him. “What’s the emergency?” he asked, clipped, as he kicked open the door.

“—and the left arm of a Deku plushie,” Hitoshi finished, unruffled. “My cat ate the rest.”

~~~

Aaaaaand that’s all I got. Thanks for making it to the end!

[antialiasis]

Morphic: the Musical

The Thousand Roads forums have a fanfic music thread. While I don't really do those kinds of threads usually because I don't really listen to a very wide variety of music and generally have a hard time associating music that already exists with unrelated fiction, one of the questions in it is this:

Talk about what would happen if some Broadway hit-maker scooped up your fic and turned it into a script. What songs would be in it? Describe a dance number/dance battle?

And immediately, the musical analysis glint lit up in my eyes. This question was presumably intended in a lighthearted jokey sort of way - imagining some fight staged as a dance battle, a hypothetical Broadway hit-maker doing the adaptation. But that's not enough for me, say I! Musicals are a good and interesting medium for serious fiction that I care about and I am going to serious this up.

See, to me, the musical format has two major strengths as a narrative medium. The first is that it can explore the inner worlds of characters in a pretty unique way. Characters get to monologue in a sort of heightened, non-literal manner, intensified by music: we can learn what they're about, what makes them tick, what's going on in their heads in a particular moment, in a way that wouldn't really make sense presented as actual inner monologue in another medium. The music aspect itself then adds a layer to it that's impossible to replicate in any other.

The second strength of the musical format is that it's really good at highlighting recurring themes, parallels and contrasts. Reprise the same melody, the same lyric, a parallel but opposite lyric, and you've instantly connected two things together. Is there a character arc? You can highlight what has changed. Are there two characters going through something similar? You can draw that out. Is there a recurring theme throughout? Use a recurring lyric, a recurring melodic phrase! Nudge the viewer into forming connections! Delicious! And you can do subtler things on the music level itself - particular instruments with particular connotations, recurring motifs...

So naturally I decided I should think up what a musical adaptation of Morphic would be like. It'd be a fun exercise in putting all my thoughts on musical adaptations into practice, but also an interesting way to help sort out some of my thoughts about characters arcs, etc. for the actual Morphic rewrite. And in the process, I may have gone slightly overboard. I regret nothing.

(I'm about to spoil most of the fic here, if this wasn't obvious)

Morphic: the Musical - tracklist

(Note: this musical is not sung-through; there are regular non-musical sections with regular dialogue in between. Morphic would almost definitely not make for a good sung-through musical.)

Act I

[Intro song] (Brian)

A monologue by Brian at the TV studio as he tries to work through what to say, how to explain or justify any of this (which conveniently serves to exposit to the audience as well as introduce his character). He makes nervous false starts and cuts himself off, starting the verse over each time, and through these false starts we learn what's going on, that the press has been calling them Pokémorphs, that this was all Dave's idea, that alcohol was involved, that it was meant as a basis for further research, that there were never supposed to be *children*, that he doesn't know what he'd even do with a kid, that Dave roped him into going on this show because he couldn't.

[Dave song] (Dave)

This musical properly introduces us to Dave via Jane walking out on him followed by this song, wherein he contemplates chucking baby Jean out the window. It's a dark rock song with big emotional contrasts and raw lyrics that is almost definitely my favorite song in this musical in the hypothetical reality where it is an actual musical and I didn't write it, because I am me. Probably starts with a couple slower lines of desperate disbelief before launching into wild anger about fuck that fucking whore, followed by what I will be referring to as the everything-is-shit verse (please bear with me), just a general cynicism rant about why the world is a shitty place not worth living in, followed by him wildly fantasizing about killing his infant child. What a delightful human being that I adore. The song ends abruptly, he's standing there staring at her in his arms for a moment, then he silently goes to feed her. On the soundtrack you probably might think he just did it.

Fatherhood (Brian)

A montage song covering the timeskip, which probably reprises [Intro song]. Brian initially has no idea what to do with his new squirming horrorblob child and is convinced he will screw it up the way he tends to screw up everything. Makes a couple of false starts again, but then gains confidence as time passes as he genuinely bonds with Gabriel and legitimately thinks he's a pretty amazing kid. There's a repeated line along the lines of that Gabriel's a weird, weird kid, but he's his, initially in a tone of "oh god I'm responsible for him what do" but towards the end is said with pride and fondness.

[Villain song] (Isaac and Jacob)

A duet between the two brothers, exploring what makes them tick. Isaac is all about this heavy pressure and sense of responsibility, originally imposed by his father, that he continues to impose on himself. He's been appointed to take over leading the family/cult and was raised with that constantly in the back of his mind as his future, and he believes that they're God's true righteous people and he cannot go wrong. He has dreams with some regularity that he interprets as visions from God, as he has been encouraged to since childhood by his father. When he has one about murder, it frightens him but he sees it as basically a divinely-appointed mission.

Jacob privately doesn't really believe any of that. He is trapped in this cult and goes through the motions but is not actually driven by any of the things that are driving Isaac. He's fairly quiet for most of the song - as Isaac is going on about his vision, Jacob has a line here and there obliquely challenging it, but Isaac has an answer for everything, and he doesn't press it, instead moving seamlessly on to suggestions for how he should do it. Jacob gets a quiet variant of part of the everything-is-shit verse from [Dave song], expressing the same kind of cynicism in a more reproachful, apathetic way - all in his own head, of course.

Just Like My Hero (Jean and Will)

Jean sings about how she is just like her hero, Sarah Hooter! Starts off describing how they look the same, moves on from there to how she will torch anyone who's mean, etc., just like her hero. Halfway through, Will joins in, and it becomes a counterpoint duet: Jean may be immature and ridiculous, but he deeply wishes he was confident and adored and nothing would get to him, and he admires and envies that about her. His just like my hero has a bit more of an ironic vibe, he'd hardly properly call her his hero, but he looks up to her more than he'd normally admit nonetheless.

Storming the Castle (Jack and Gabriel)

Jack and Gabriel are playing a D&D game with their friends, arguing about the best course of action. Jack is eager to waltz into the bad guys' fortress, storm the castle, while Gabriel urges lying low, says they're too weak. Jack wants to take the leap and try it; Gabriel insists no, we're not taking the leap, it's stupid. "It's brave!" Jack counters. (In the end, Gabriel gives in and they go ahead with it, and it goes fine.)

Unique (Mia and Lucy)

Mia and Lucy play one of their games. The song is about how Lucy needs someone like Mia to challenge her and let her actually indulge her powers, which are otherwise unsettling to people and she's ashamed and self-conscious about them, while Mia needs someone like Lucy to get a real outlet for her hunter's instinct. The word the lyrics are built around is unique; by being the precise way they are, they are each the only person who can provide this for the other.

Mia doesn't sing. She speaks her lyrics in her usual monotone, not even rhythmically. They also don't rhyme. It's technically a duet but really it's just Lucy singing and Mia talking.

[Peter/Katherine song] (Peter and Katherine)

A counterpoint duet between the siblings, contrasting their experience as Pokémorphs. Peter can pretty easily hide that he's different and be treated mostly as a normal kid, and feels free in his privilege, not confined quite the way the others are, able to be a bit reckless and incautious. Katherine, meanwhile, has a very different experience, being extremely noticeably different, getting stared at, and struggling with basic activities, and feels a huge sense of responsibility weighing her down, worrying about Peter and grounding him and reining him in. There's a lyrical contrast involving something something bird freedom plant rooted down something.

Brian's Death (Isaac and Dave)

This is one of those mostly-instrumental pieces that they include on the soundtrack anyway, but Isaac gets a couple of sung nondiegetic lines in here, a sort of frantic excitement, realizing in a brief panic that he shot the wrong guy before rationalizing that God must have planned it this way.

Dave is probably also in there screaming and attempting to call the police, because I am always in favor of screaming and panicking on musical soundtracks.

The Funeral (Gabriel and Jack)

Begins with Gabriel at the church during the funeral, singing about his vague discomfort being there, but slowly becomes increasingly frantic and anxious, working up to a breakdown where he exits and finally manages to cry for his dad. There's a verse about little things, how they ordered pizza the night before he died, etc., culminating in the bit about him having been in the middle of this mystery novel and never getting to learn who did it; the verse trails off quietly there, backing instruments gone, as Gabriel breaks down. Jack follows to comfort him.

Act II

[Montage song] (everyone)

A montage of the days after the attack, where everyone gets a couple lines about how they're coping, scared and grieving.

Dave's lines are like, spoken slightly too desperate annoyance at having to do some work that Brian didn't get to finish, or rebuking somebody who asks how he's doing by saying he barely even knew Brian. He is not singing along with this kind of grief-porn bullshit, fuck you.

[Villain song II] (Isaac and Jacob)

The brothers come up with a new plan. Isaac is agitated, reprising some of his bits from the original villain song in a quicker, more frantic tempo, while Jacob picks up the slack, walking him through a new idea. Isaac takes to it with conviction and goes back to the original melody/tempo, talking again about his God-given purpose. Jacob does not join in with any of that, only with the bits about the actual plan.

The Kidnapping (instrumental)

I'm just going to say this is on the soundtrack too and contains panicked Gabriel noises because I want it to be.

Storming the Castle Reprise (Jack)

Jack tries to rally the others for a rescue mission, echoing the D&D game from Act I. The lines about storming the castle and taking the leap make a reappearance.

Just Like My Hero Reprise (Jean)

Jean, on the bus, miserably contemplates how she is unlike her hero. Again, it begins with a verse talking about how she looks - not a thing like Sarah Hooter anymore - but then moves on to how she's scared and pathetic and running away, unlike anything a hero would do.

Church Sequence (Will, Jack, Mia)

A single track, largely instrumental/dialogue/sound effects, with a couple of brief song snippets:

- Will reprises "Just Like My Hero" as he wills himself to go on. He is cut off mid-line as he is shot.

- Mia slits that guy's throat and she actually sings a few words, for the first and only time, before she is also cut off mid-line by a gunshot. The line is something about, like, warm blood in her face or the guy's satisfying death throes, reprising part of the melody of "Unique".

Strong (Gabriel)

Gabriel discovers his powers. Starts slowly, calling back to the bits from "Storming the Castle" about lying low, being weak. But as the song continues and he makes his discovery, the tempo builds, and he starts reprising Jack's bits instead: he is strong, taking the leap, storming the castle.

Perish Song (Lucy)

Another brief reprise of "Unique", distorted and deafening and terrifying, mourning her sister.

[In the Hospital] (Jack and Gabriel)

The two of them work out their feelings about what happened. Includes Jack going "It was stupid" (i.e. the rescue mission) and Gabriel responding "It was brave", echoing the bit where they said the opposite in "Storming the Castle". Jack blames himself for how it all turned out, feels stupid and weak, while Gabriel actually felt kind of awesome. (This is also calling back to their opposite bits of "Storming the Castle".) They end with a shared duet verse as they realize they've both got that same innate desire to fight and win. Possibly calls back to the weird, weird kid line from "Fatherhood".

Eulogy (Dave)

Dave's eulogy for Mia (which also touches on Will, but this is Mia's funeral). It reprises "Unique". There will never again be anyone like the two of them, two of the only truly unique people on this Earth. (And, while he doesn't say it straight out because hahahaha, he needed Mia, too).

Taking the Leap (Jack and Gabriel)

Jack's suicide attempt and his swirling inner turmoil as he tries to talk himself into taking the leap once again. Gabriel, of course, comes in with don't take that leap. Am I overusing this one line by putting it in like half the songs in this thing? Well, who's going to stop me.

[Peter/Katherine song reprise] (Peter and Katherine)

The two of them contemplate indefinite house arrest (in contrast to the freedom Peter's enjoyed most of his life) and Katherine's failure to stop all this (despite her sense of responsibility). In the end, they both find their own ways to accept the new state of things and support each other through this.

Finale (Dave and Jean)

After Dave breaks down on his couch and Jean comes in to ask what's wrong, Dave sings a reprise of the everything-is-shit verse, going over the many things he's angry about, because that is the only emotion involved here clearly. At the exact point where Dave's song originally went from there to fantasizing about throwing her off the balcony, Jean throws her arms around him and sniffles "It'll be okay, Dad," and after a stunned "What? Jean, I'm--", he continues with a slow, hesitant *inverted* reprise of the everything-is-shit verse, "Everything'll be fine", constructing a little fantasy reality for her (and himself) where everything turns out all right in the end. It's backed by, like, a simple, quiet, slower piano rendition of the original melody, and trails off at the end, never quite coming to a satisfying conclusion before he tells Jean she should go back to bed.

[life-rewritten]

TharnType 7 Years: A flashback to the past and A foreshadow of the future aka The truth of TharnType and LeoFiat ;Episode 6

Guess what another Tharn and Type analysis, another repetition of the duality, mirroring, shadowing of Tharn and Type (TT) and Leo and Fiat, but this time it's even more complicated, and every time I analyse these two it gets even more complicated and painful. I'm going to try and write out a full analysis of why Leo and Fiat (LF) are more complicated when you try to compare them to TT. Fiat reminds us of Type in season 1; he's stubborn, immature and problematic and Leo reminds us of Tharn just by longing secretly for Fiat and always putting Fiat's well being first, but that's only on the surface. Leo and Fiat have even more depth than those comparisons, there are times where Fiat is actually more like Tharn and Leo is more frustrating as Type. Confused? Let's go into more detail.  Also JUST realised that it’s both episode 6 of season 1 and season 2 that are mirrored this way. That’s incredible. 

What I like Mame and her writing for shows is that she loves making sure you go through a journey with her characters. Her villains usually are not just one-dimensional irrational villains, they have depth, in fact, most of the time they have their own love interest later, sometimes we root for them (like Tin from Love By Chance Season 1, and Tul from a chance to love), sometimes we feel upset and angry and frustrated at the actions they do. It's no surprise in a show as explosive as TT we get Fiat, someone who is also very polarising. But you know what? I love that about him. I didn't think this series will make me fall for another couple as much as I love TT, but no I am obsessed with Leo and Fiat, their dynamic, their requited longing that they both don't see and think it's unrequited from their point of views, their love for each other and what they mean to each other. 

You can find my previous Tharn and Type posts about how this season is about Misunderstandings, Misreading and Miscommunications from two different perspectives, our couples all have something to overcome since they don't see each other's views, and Leo and Fiat are the same. The most important thing they don't know about each other is how much, how great, how uncontrollably they are with their love for each other. Leo is refusing to show it, and Fiat is more reactive and preventive to it. Both are idiots who can't see something so obvious, but hey that's what makes this trope even more angsty and dramatic, both couples go through drama, pain and we the audience join the ride. And it's funny people complain that this show has no angst as the past season. Still, Leo and Fiat literally are the plotline of the past season, just as angsty, just as passionate (despite no s*x) and just as dramatic and idiotic. 

 What I love about TT and LF as a couple is that they both are flawed. It's funny because other people always focus on just one of the couples as the most problematic, but no, they are always both all in need of growth and change. Shocking right? It seems like we should feel sorry for Leo, and hate and complain about Fiat's personality, but actually, Leo is just as problematic as Fiat, he's also been a source of hurt to Fiat for so long. The same way in season 1, Type was to Tharn, and Tharn was to Type at the beginning when he didn't know what Type went through. The beautiful thing is seeing how love changes these characters, how needing each other makes them finally become who they're meant to be and how they finally get to their end; confident, happy and satisfied. And we the audience are part of this, we end up crying, and never wanting to let go of the show.  Let me show you how:

Tharn Type and Pufai vs Leo Fiat and Type dilemma

Ah yes, I'm sure you've seen the similarities and mirroring to Leo and Fiat with Tharn and Type in season 1 episode 4-7. The introduction of Pufai caused a massive problem for Tharn and Type and almost caused them to end everything. One because it was the most hurtful Type was to Tharn, and two because it was the only time Tharn almost gave up on Type. It's so interesting when you look at what was happening at that time, and then when you look at Fiat and Leo, you see the similarities on a different level. Let me explain;

When Pufai shows up Tharn and Type are unofficial, they call themselves s*x friends, Type ensures Tharn that they're not in a relationship and he shouldn't overstep the line with it. Tharn as always is more believing that he can make Type agree to be his, and everything seems great at that time. Except then Pufai shows up, she's interested in Type and is precisely what he thinks is his type, he also is enjoying getting to know her, and he finds himself intrigued by her flirting with him. Type does not see any problem (though there's guilt) to flirting with Pufai because he's not dating Tharn, they're not official, they are just friends with benefits. Type keeps it a secret; he's seeing Pufai, but Tharn finds out and loses his cool, how could Type do this? Isn't he his? This leads Type to emphasise on the unofficiality of their relationship with a list of rules, they were never meant to be anything. Tharn is accepting of this at first because it's the only way he can stay with Type however the more Type gets close to Pufai, mostly planning to sleep and ask her to be his girlfriend, the more his heart shatters. Tharn proceeds to break down and cry about the futile love he has for Type. He has to move on, but he doesn't know how. Except, Type realises that if there are people like Pufai in his life, there'd be others for Tharn, he doesn't like that; Tharn is his, and so from here we see Type apologise, and TT become official to each other. Their relationship is now deemed unbreakable, no one else is allowed to break it, they've chosen each other as their person. You may be wondering why I have just repeated this whole storyline, but it's crucial, now read through this summary of Leo and Fiat and try and find out why:

Leo and Fiat are friends, but not really. They've been close to each other for 10 years. I say not really because everyone even we can tell there's more to them. Fiat is always trying to cross the line with their friendship; he ensures Leo knows he wants him to flirt and notice him. Leo ignores this and thinks Fiat is fickle and not serious. Fiat then proceeds to sleep with others, and flirt with others to take his attention from that. But each time that happens, he gets bored and returns back to Leo flirting and asking for his attention like a child. Leo is comfortable with this, as long as he's Fiat's main focus, as long as he's able to keep Fiat by his side, then what they have is excellent. Except Type shows up, he's Fiat's type, he's intrigued in getting to know him, and Type pays attention to Fiat more than others do, for Fiat, they have a connection, something feels warm and safe with Type, and wow he wants to pursue what he has with Type. Pause before episode 4 Fiat didn't know Type wasn't single, he just chose to be serious with Type before that, he fell for Type before that.

Leo is uncomfortable; this doesn't sit right for some reason, Type is actually important to Fiat and Fiat is not paying attention to him. Leo tells Fiat, Type is dating, Fiat brushes it off and says he still wants Type. Leo explodes, and Fiat ends up broken-hearted and hurt that Leo would kick him out. More shockingly, he unveils that the reason he's desperate to be with someone like Type is because; Surprise! Leo, and yet Leo isn't thinking about how he feels. Shocker. Leo returns and apologises and takes Fiat inside but now we the audience are confused? What does he mean by that? Why is liking Type for Leo? Why is Fiat so problematic, and why is Leo and Fiat's dynamic confusing? 

Did you see the similarities?  Let's look at it differently. Let's give roles to Fiat and Leo as TT, who is more like Tharn in the Pufai arc and who is more like Type? 

On the Surface and Personalities.

Obviously, the first thing you look at is the designated Uke and Seme role. Who in this story on the surface so far is longing for the other, and who is acting like what they have doesn't matter and is problematic. Well, Leo is acting more like Tharn then. He's longing secretly and hurt because of Fiat's actions with other people, just as Tharn did with Pufai and Type, he's the one showing jealousy and fear of being left. He's not okay with the shift in their unofficial relationship and seems like he wants more. Like Tharn he looks perfect, protective and romantic than Fiat. He seems devoted and loyal like Tharn is to Type. And he's the seme just like Tharn. So he must be mirroring Tharn, right?

And we have Fiat like Type his eyes wander, he's the one who's treating what he and Leo have as nothing, he's problematic and loud and stubborn and childish just like Type was in the arc. Type shouted, was rude, and even punched Tharn remember? He proceeded to keep being nonchalant towards Tharn's feelings because Tharn wasn't the one for him. After all, he was homophobic. Fiat is not homophobic, but he's spoilt, childish and selfish, he's an attention seeker, so he acts like a brat to get attention. When he has the attention, he takes people for granted, and he does things that are problematic for example he doesn't think it's wrong to stop wanting Type after finding out he's not single. Fiat is like because I want it I must have it. And Type was similar; not the same way (trying to ruin a relationship) but he was selfish and cruel to Tharn because he refused to acknowledge what Tharn wanted, he could tell it was killing Tharn, but he proceeded because it didn't mean anything or he was trying to convince himself that it didn't mean anything, he was just as bratty and childish as Fiat was when questioned about his choices. So yeh he's mirroring Type in this situation right? 

Except still looking on the surface, mind you; let's look at the mindsets and psychological past of the characters and see who mirrors who here. Bare with me, let me explain. 

On Background and Mindsets

Let's look at the background: Tharn is used to getting what he wants, that's why when Type continues to reject him he keeps holding out hope it'll happen, he also is rich, spoilt and manipulative but in a more sneaky way. He knows how to guilt Type into feeling sorry, and he convinced Type to continue what they have. When he realises things aren't going his way, he mopes, rejects it but then goes back to Type until he can't take it anymore. I also want you to notice who ends up crying and heartbroken in this arc it's Tharn this is important for later. 

 Tharn also felt unlovable and always was seeking for someone to pay attention and stay by his side; he's the middle child who ended up having to grow quicker and be a tiny bit neglected, he also had his heartbroken from the previous relationships; he's always felt left behind, neglected and not taken seriously. Who does that remind you of? Fiat. 

Although Tharn's family loved him, so he still ended up okay. Fiat is a worse version of Tharn; in this case, he was just as neglected but even graver because his parents paid no attention to him and only gave him material things (hence why he's spoilt and selfish), he realised that acting like a baby got him attention and what he wants;  that's why he's manipulative. He also felt not taken seriously by people, like people didn't get him. Even the person he cared about; Leo, who he was confident was someone he can rely on also made him feel neglected (because he kept ignoring his feelings). Fiat knows how to act like a baby to get Leo to bend to his will, but just like Tharn with Type in the Pufai arc, he doesn't think it's because Leo is 100 % devoted to him. It's also Fiat who ends up crying broken-hearted during this episode. I'll explain later. 

Type is different, his mindset is shaped by his past. He doesn't think what he and Tharn could be is right, he's homophobic and determined to keep what they have unofficial. He doesn't want to cross the line, he keeps on pushing away Tharn's feelings refusing to deal with it seriously, and this is why he gets fixated on Pufai. He's desperate to avoid what he feels for Tharn, and he's desperate to keep his walls up no matter what because he's afraid to be hurt. It makes sense. As much as people don't yet see this, same as Leo. Type is protective of his heart, himself and his environment, Leo is the same, he doesn't think crossing the line with Fiat is right not because he's homophobic but because he thinks Fiat's feelings are fickle and not real; he keeps refusing to see that Fiat wants him because he's afraid showing Fiat feelings will make him bored and move on, and ruin their friendship. He's desperate to keep pretence that what they have is friendship, is defensive when people joke about him and Fiat and is repeatedly ignoring anytime Fiat tries to make a move. It's frustrating, and each time he does it, Fiat gets hurt even more. 

This is why he's on the stairs crying wondering if Leo ever actually thinks about how he feels in their situation. It's the same way Tharn thought about Type. Leo is determined to not seem vulnerable, in love or weak, he even pretends his selfless actions to Fiat has no meaning even when Fiat prods him for answers he refuses to tell him why he does all the things he does, he claims its because he wants to, he has to because Fiat is crazy, but we all know it's because of three simple words, he loves him. And Fiat has guessed and questioned that just as Tharn assumed that Type also loved him but wasn't ready to show it. Tharn stayed loyal and patient with Type until Pufai entered the picture. Fiat is the same, when Type shows up (a difference because Pufai was for Type) he's desperate to change his loyalties so he can stay by Leo's side without hurting and giving up, on them. 

Basically, Fiat is doing what Tharn would have done if Type had not returned to him during Pufai arc, he would have started looking for someone else to take the pain away from not having Type. And Leo is like Type when Type realises he can't keep things unofficial because it means; others like Pufai could come to Tharn, he doesn't like that, and he proceeds to cross the line with Tharn. Leo is becoming that way, the way Fiat wants Type is starting to no longer be a meaningless thing he can avoid, he's beginning to realise that their unofficial status, he so desperately tried to keep has no hold or control over this situation, he's still learning, but soon he'll realise being vulnerable is the only way to remedy this, but he might be too late. 

So on the surface, you see how these two mirror each other? Let's look at this even more further. The unofficial list that Type sent Tharn is the same as the determination to keep things unofficial Leo has with Fiat. It's more unspoken, but it's the same rules without the sleeping together aspect. Leo is okay with Fiat being with others as long as they're not interfering with what he and Fiat have.  Leo is okay with them cuddling and being close and doing things for each other but never crossing that line.  Leo has the role as Fiat's person to everyone, he's the protector, most intimate relationship and the designated 'boyfriend' role to Fiat as long as no one tries and label it. Leo is okay with certain rules and understandings about what he and Fiat have, like rules, and as long as Fiat and others don't try and label it, it shouldn't be an issue. It's the same way as Type. 

Duality and Differences of Opinion

The difference here is Leo isn't chasing after someone else, he's not the one with the Pufai. Fiat is. Leo isn't being cruel to Fiat by proceeding to find someone else the way Type does, but he's still doing the same thing Type does to Tharn with or without another person. He's still invalidating Fiat's feelings, he's still preventing the line from being crossed no matter how much Fiat tries, he's still defensive when it comes to others seeing them as more than friends, and he's adamant that what Fiat is saying he's feeling is not right, it's just Fiat being Fiat, and it's not going to last, it's the same way Type thought about Tharn's feelings.  

Fiat may be the one who seems like the one invalidating the relationship, but it's actually more complicated than that. In Leo's perspective, he's Tharn; he's the one with the unrequited love, the one with the person who doesn't take his feelings seriously, who sleeps with others cruelly without taking account his feelings, the person he's had to stay loyal and patient with because he's devoted to him entirely.

 In Fiat's perspective? He's Tharn, he's the one who's been trying years to cross that line with Leo, he's the one who has been waiting for Leo to take him seriously, he's the one who has to try and search for others to ensure that he's distracted by his rejected feelings so he can keep being by Leo's side, he's desperately searching for someone else like Leo, so he doesn't keep hurting secretly by his invalidation of what they have. For Fiat, he's the one who's loyal, patient and devoted to Leo ultimately; everyone can see it, he even lets Leo know how he feels.  But also it's the reason why he keeps on acting spoilt and bratty; it's all for Leo's attention and love. It's the only time Leo shows him affection. Everything Fiat does is for Leo. He wasn't being dramatic when he said it in this episode. So why is he falling for Type then?  What's the deal with Type then? 

The importance of Pufai

To understand why Fiat wants Type. You have to again return back to the surface similarities he has with Type in season 1. You have to look at why Type decided to give a relationship with Pufai a go despite knowing he had Tharn. The reasons why Type wanted Pufai:

She was right for him

She was his type 

She intrigued him

He liked talking and being with her

Let's break this down and compare it to Fiat then:

The right person for him

Type thought Pufai was right for him. One she was a girl, and he was finally relieved he found a girl he liked, someone who was just as into him, as confident and flirty as him, and he wanted that about her. She also showed him she had similarities to him, she mentioned the type of food he liked and found they had a lot in common. She was an ideal girlfriend. For Fiat, Type is not right for him because of the same reasons, but because he found someone who was just like him. Remember Fiat reminded Type of a younger him; Type was inspirational to Fiat, he also was someone who paid attention to him and showed him care and nurture when others didn't understand him. Type showed him the same kind of patience Leo showed him, but he also called Fiat out, and Fiat liked that. He could tell he and Type were similar, and it made him feel safe and happy when he was with Type. Type also was the person who was helping him deal with the fact that he couldn't play basketball, he was involved in the process of healing and assisting Fiat to become stronger to return to his passion. Fiat found that as another reason for why Type was right for him. Finally, there was someone else other than Leo who made him feel comfortable, happy and was determined to help him get to his passion. Type replaced the empty space Leo left when he went to Italy. Fiat embraced that and became obsessed with it. 

His Type 

In case it's not apparent his type are people who aren't afraid to call him out. People who make him calm down. Remember Fiat liked that Leo was able to be someone who helped deal with his emotional crisis, someone who was able to keep him in control, he trusted and appreciated who he was with Leo. Type reminded him of Leo, just like Leo paid attention but also made sure to scold Fiat whenever he took things too far;Type did the same, Type managed to tame Fiat by just speaking to him and calling him out on why he was throwing tantrums. Type is also good looking, and mature (same as Leo) and calm. We know he isn't generally like this, but this is how he appears in front of Fiat, and Fiat likes that about him. Plus Type is a quest. Or started off as a quest. Type had his walls up remember to Fiat? He was confused why he wasn't giving in to his manipulations, or his charm like others will. The other person who had walls up and didn't give into Fiat's charm was you guessed it, Leo. So Type is a similar copy of Leo to Fiat, someone who makes him excited, giddy, but also someone he can't win over easily. The idea of the chase also ensures that for the first time, he won't be easily bored, he'd always be distracted if he chooses to chase after Type. 

Intrigue and Needs

It's that chase that kept Fiat intrigued and wanting to know more about Type. For Type Pufai fascinated him because she did not shy away from him, she flirted and was direct to him. Also, she intrigued him because at that moment, he was dealing with intense internalised homophobia and confused feelings. He was starting to be scared of falling for Tharn, for the way he was feeling for Tharn and how it was beginning to consume him despite his need to try and ignore it. 

Fiat is the same. Fiat was falling for a futile relationship. Not falling; was already addicted and attached to the idea of a hopeless relationship that was hurting him. He was realising how much it was becoming a problem for him to be without Leo; it was killing him, and if you watch episode 2 again you can see how much Leo's absence was breaking him. He was realising he had to do something otherwise he would be forever stuck in this cycle. It would ruin the friendship he had with Leo. 

Type was intriguing because he was the first person in so long that Fiat wasn't bored of, he was the first person that made Fiat want to do something, to forget Leo, the first person who distracted Fiat from his ache. So Type was like a cure he needed desperately, he needed someone to keep him in denial, to make him forget about the issue with the unofficiality with Leo, to make him stop resenting the fact that his feelings were invalidated. Type did that. It doesn't matter if Type has a boyfriend (the more the chase becomes intriguing for him) because Type is the first person he feels this way for. It has to be Type he chases after, it has to be Type who he ends up with because if not; his choice is to stay stuck in this painful cycle with Leo. 

That's why he tells Leo it has to be Type, that's why he breaks down when Leo tells him it can't be because he was now sure he wasn't going to be able to keep being quiet and patient about what he had with Leo. The same realisation Tharn had in the bar with Type and Pufai, it had to end. But for both Fiat and Tharn, the idea of losing their person was a damaging thought, they didn't know how to cope with. Hence Fiat was desperate to find a solution for him; it was Type.

Talking and Being with him

That's another thing Type found out with Pufai, he liked replying to her texts, their flirtations made him smile, and he enjoyed speaking to her despite being in love with Tharn. Fiat is the same, he smiles just at the thought of seeing or talking to Type. He likes learning, and seeing that Type is a good person. He enjoyed observing Type, and how he acted, but also he liked the conversations they had, their discussions were deep even if people don't want to acknowledge it. Type's first conversation with Fiat was about how he understood what he was feeling and how he knew why he was acting the way he was. It was vulnerable, it was inspiring it was deep, not surface level. And Type also opened up to Fiat this episode, about his stress, burdens and others. 

Their conversations are actually interesting and important, and they both help the other feel better. It's why Type is okay with showing Fiat attention (despite how he acted when he was angry and stressed) he sees Fiat like a little brother, a version of his old self. And Fiat sees Type as a role model, someone to look up to and learn from and be with. That's why he liked talking to him. But Leo is the person who Fiat loves the most to discuss with, to be with and to stay with. But when Leo can't be an option, Type is a perfect replacement, distraction and copy. 

How Pufai affected TT

Tharn: He broke down and tried to accept it, but he was broken-hearted. Similar to Fiat breaking down at the Futility of what he and Leo have. He realised like Tharn there was no way to get over Leo if it's not Type. Hence his determination that it must be Type even if he has kids or a boyfriend.

Type: She made him think others could do the same to Tharn. If he got with her; Tharn would be free to sleep around and find someone else. This is why he runs back; meanwhile, Leo is also finding this out slowly the more Fiat falls for Type. If he doesn't show ownership of Fiat, then he's free to do what he wants.  Leo knows that, and he's afraid because he also can see that Type isn't like others to Fiat, Type is a replacement for him. That's what he was angrier about; not Fiat saying Type had a boyfriend, but he'll still chase him, he was mad because this was more serious for Fiat than he wanted it to be.

 That's the difference with TT and LF. Type realised that Tharn was the one once he couldn't sleep with Pufai, once he realised what he wanted was Tharn. Leo knows what he wants but refuses to let himself be vulnerable, refuses to try and cross that line and keeps finding excuses why he and Fiat are friends. Fiat is like Tharn; patient, sulky and devoted, but he's also different to Tharn because he had a different environment with family. Fiat is what Tharn did before Type if you remember:  he slept around with people desperate to find the one and be loved. Unfortunately, he got bored, left and hurt each time he returned back to his situation and the permanent realisation that Leo was his person. It was futile he wouldn't be able to get over him. Tharn at that moment had given up on the idea of finding love, so seeing Type, he was determined to make it real no matter what. Same as Fiat just not the same way, for Leo he was determined to make it stay the same no matter what so he was determined to find someone else no matter what.  If Fiat didn't try to find a way to move on from Leo, he would end up being Long in season 1, he'd be angry and upset and manipulative and determined to ruin whoever tried to be with Leo. But the reason why he tried to move on was that he didn't want to be resentful of Leo, he tried to find a way to stay by his side without breaking each time he did. That's why he's determined it must be Type. 

Oh wow. The way I'm obsessed with these two couples dynamic, the way I live every Friday to see more, to uncover more, to know more about them. I live for this trope. I keep repeating it. But it makes me appreciate Mame's genius so much, I know it's forbidden to praise her as a writer. Still, when it comes to TT, Mame is a gift, she's incredible. She ensures that her characters are written with so much depth, and intrigue, their love is so deep it transcends everything, it makes everyone lose their minds, it makes everyone want to keep on watching and obsessing over the stories when she reveals the truth. Fiat and Leo are her reveals and plot twist this season. They're incredible. I hope people see why I love this show so much. I hope it stays this way until the end. 

More Tharn Type Analysis: Masterpost Check under Tharn and Type Here

[quitethepirategal]

An Analysis in Threes

❥ TAGGED BY: @emcads​ like 30 years ago ❥ TAGGING: @riidcr​ @starsailingcaptain​ @covencrown​ @hookd​ @all-fleshed-out​ @evermxre​ @motherofredemption​ @bup1957​ @conquistadoradelmar​ @seaprofound​ @tcthinecwnself​ @withinycu​ @windguided​ @daevilhorns​ @concordia-cum-sinistro​ and YOU and I spent like 8 hours on this so pLEASE READ IT PLEASE I AM BEGGING I NEED VALIDATION I’M-

     repost don’t reblog. yall dont have to type this much.

MUSE: Captain Red Handed Jessica

Three Strengths:

     Her adaptability and resourcefulness.  Is she brave, yes.  Is she lucky, also yes.   But over all, she can roll with the cards she’s been dealt in a way that many would call inhumanly clever.  Her intelligence, her perception, and her charisma are all different ingredients of this indomitable characteristic of hers.  She can see the value in just about anything and anyone, can pick up on clues and tangents few others can follow, and can remember seemingly endless details, tho unfortunately not on command.  But even then, her patchy memory seems to contribute to this adaptability as well, as it usually allows for detachment.  If she can find resources everywhere, it means she can survive everywhere. There have been countless times where the wheel of fortune has suddenly turned on her and she’d lost near everything and her response was more or less Damn, ok I need food water and shelter lets go.  No food?  Grow food.  No water?  Ask someone if they have water.  No shelter?  Sleep outside.  No money?  Steal money.  Can’t hear anymore?  Cool I can use loud weapons.  Crashed on an island?  My island now.  Shot?  Free bullet.  She knows when to push, she knows when to quit, and sometimes she knows when to gamble based on her ability ( what a man can do and what he can’t do and all that ).  Strong she may be, she knows its foolish to rely on strength.  Survival of the fittest actually rarely means survival of the strongest. ( edit; this is the theme for the entirety of her character. I will say it 50,000 times. I am very sorry ).  And as a student of philosophy and biology, she understands that phrase better than most. Leading to our next point.

     Her understanding.  As I stated, her charisma is something unmatched, and is a key element in all three of her strengths.  This charisma might not exist as prominently were it not for her ability to understand.  She has limited ( I’ll get back to that ) but deep running empathy and while not terribly observant all the time, she is always perceptive.  Not only that, but she’s personally known abuse, hardship, and uncertainty, and understands that hate or anger can be rooted in similar pain.  She was schooled lightly in both Christian and Buddhist values before diving heavily into democratic philosophy, meaning she believes all being experience suffering and therefore kindness is a powerful sign of strength, but also that suffering while free and equal is better than comfort in oppression.  And between her sweet words and beautiful face, she can get most people to open up in ways they themselves my not have expected.  Being very good with people means she can learn from them, gain something from them, lead them, and/or use them.  But Jessica isn’t a manipulator in truth; her intentions are almost always kind or healthy ones.  She absolutely uses people from time to time but not EVER without them consenting to or being made aware of such because again, unlike a manipulative person, she understands that can ruin a relationship and therefore ruin a resource.  What it makes for is an excellent leader, a beloved captain, and a trusted ally at most and an excellent conversationalist at the least.      But her understanding isn’t just social, oh no.  It’s academic as well.  Armed only with his little library and the lessons of his own teachers, Jessica’s foster father tirelessly smithed her into a not just a girl who knew a lot of things, but a truly intelligent, thinking mind. He’d die before learning he’d succeeded tenfold.  Jessica isn’t one to just except things as they are, facts or otherwise.  She usually needs to prove it, experiment, see things from a new angle.  Debates with her are fun!  She has no issue admitting she’s wrong or confessing she’s never thought of it that way, and is actually wrong a lot of the time.  It doesn’t bruise her ego, it excites her.  It means there’s more to learn.  And her ability to constantly understand new concepts paired with her ability to overwhelmingly understand people combine to make for a very powerful core idea of hers:  We are fittest to survive because we all fit together.  Our humanity, our empathy, our community are our strengths because they keep us united, which keeps us the fittest.  No one is independent, no man is an island.  People are power. And thus her final strength is just that.

     Her power.  While she and I still firmly state that strength isn’t everything don’t be disillusioned; its very goddamn important.  And it’s something Jessica has plenty of.  She is durable and clever because of her rocky early childhood, she is quick and versatile from her youth in a pirate port, she is physically strong and mighty from her years training in martial arts, and she’s an absolute crackshot after years of diligent practice with her trusty pistols.  Her true strength may lie in her brains and in her allies yes, but even without them, Red Jessica is a powerhouse of a warrior.  She can end fights extremely quickly or run from them without a prayer of catching her ( no shame in the later, both skills keep you alive ).  And it may be in bad taste to say, but ever since loosing most of her hearing, Jess swears up and down it’s made her vision better, her reaction time faster, and her quick thinking even quicker.  Yes of course she’s slowed down with age, but a bullet shoots at the same speed no matter how old you are.  And you best hope she didn’t bring her firecrackers, because while sudden loud noises will absolutely temporarily discombobulate or debilitate an opponent with healthy hearing, it’ll hardly effect her at all and suddenly, you’re a sitting duck.  You see those thighs?  You see those calves?  She can crush PINEAPPLES with them!  People have seen her do it!  Do you know how many micro-fractures broke and rebuilt those hands?  Thousands!  She can crush a trachea like a fucking beer can!  She can kick you to death!  One ill placed curb stomp and you are DECEASED.  Sometimes she’ll just psyche you out because she KNOWS you know she can kill your stupid ass!       But while her strength, mental and physical, have always been there, her power is relatively new.  As stated before, people are power.  Not knowledge, not money, not strength.  People.  She’s a fearsome warrior but she’d be useless if outnumbered.  Shes a very successful pirate, but she’d never make it out of port without a crew on her ship.  She found a gorgeous island, but it’d still be wild without those who built it’s piers and buildings.  She manages orchards and tends to them and harvests them herself, but she would loose all of her crop without the helping hands of her employed farmers.  And like I mentioned, she deeply understands this.  Freedom is not independence or vice versa.  Did you make the clothes on your back or the fabric that made those clothes?  Did you write the books you read to make you smarter or teach you that skill?  Did you plant the seed years ago that grew that orange you’re eating?  No, of course not.  Jessica didn’t either.  Another human did.  We all need each other to fill the holes in our lives that we can’t fill ourselves.  Humans are puzzle pieces in that way, there is no bigger picture or prayer for survival on our own.  And because of this, we can do anything we as a community, as a SPECIES work together to achieve.  There is no knowledge if there’s no one to learn from, there is no money if a society don’t give it value, your money is worthless if those you’re paying decide to rise against you, your role as leader only exists at the consent of those you lead, and your strength won’t save you from a sinking ship.  People are, and always will be, power.       And as someone who is exceptionally strong and exceedingly smart, Jessica has slotted herself in the humanity puzzle thusly: The strong exist to protect the weak, the smart exist to educate, and the lucky exist so the unlucky may be given aid.  And it is with this fairness and compassion that she has won the trust of so many.  She has a great many friends and allies even outside of those in her crew or on her island.  And she can make many more with ease.  That kind of power is not a power to be trifled with, even if she can kick your ass six ways to Saturday without it. 

Three Weaknesses:

     She suffers ADHD.  Now before ANY OF Y’ALL SAY ANYTHING, I myself also suffer ADHD.  And yes I do say suffer because well that’s what it causes for Jessica and I, suffering.  Yes, it is ableist language to say ‘suffering from’ rather than ‘has’ or ‘is diagnosed with’ and yes it perpetuates a stigma against us but god DAMN IT in both Jessica’s case and mine, it make life much much harder than it needs to be.  At the end of the day, Red Jessica is a fantasy of mine; I pour myself into her whether I mean to or not.  She’s the adult I wish I was, the person I might be if I had no anxiety, or brainfog, or lived in a world were I didn’t need a credit score or a degree. And even then, I can’t say I know anyone else’s problems better than my own.  So if my character has problems, by sheer osmosis they are going to reflect some of mine.  Both of the characters I write have ADHD because I have ADHD and I couldn’t even begin to know how a non-ADHD mind works to write it properly.  And no, I’m not being dramatic when I say it causes me suffering.  I can’t drive, I can’t hold down a job, I nearly flunked out of school, I still cant read very fast or spell very well, I am constantly overwhelmed by mundane things, I’m a slow learner, I forget very important things or recent things, I forget about things that mean the world to me, I forget about people, I stumble through tasks, I procrastinate hobbies and basic hygiene, and everything I do takes all goddamn day and I can only really do one important thing at a time and in order of importance.  If I have a date at 4pm, I’m dressed and ready at 11am because I’ve gotta do the important thing first or else I will forget to do the important thing.  I started typing this at a little before 5pm.  It’s 7;30.  It’ll probably be 10 o’clock at night by the time I fucking finish ( edit: l m a o its 1am bitch you thought ).  I’m 26 and am just medicated enough to barely function.  So yeah.  Suffering is the word.       Though for Jessica, perhaps suffering is a tad strong of a word.  Her ADHD affects her ability to function in far less debilitating ways ( though whether that’s a result of a less severe diagnosis than me or the result of the society, situations, and responsibilities she functions in and around are far different from mine, who’s to say ).  For her, she has very consuming hyperfixations that can last anywhere between weeks to decades, a spotty memory that is detail and memento oriented,  she’s scatterbrained more often then not but can focus with amazing clarity on her interests or in high adrenaline situations, is is ABYSMALLY bad at math and EXCRUCIATINGLY bad with numbers ( as opposed to me, who is good at numbers but shit at spelling or reading ), she can forget anything no matter how important it is to her or to anyone, she’s bad with names and dates, is COMPLETELY time-blind, has trouble prioritizing, and of course, wile not actually that materialistic, she absolutely has the ol’ magpie instinct.       While her poor memory assists in her adaptability and ability to move on, it also means she forgets things she needed to remember, like when the last time she bathed was and who this person is and what happened between her and someone else or what conversation’s shes had.  Unfortunately this means she’s a very good friend and leader... while you’re around and interacting with her on at least a weekly basis.  It’s almost a lack of object permanence in both a social and very real sense.  If something is not right in front of her, odds are she’s not going to think about it.  And while its something she constantly kicks herself for and actively tries to be better about, it applies to people too.  Face to face is the best way to interact with her; she won’t think to write you and in her modern verse she won’t think to ever call and she’ll text you back in perhaps a few days.  She doesn’t value you any less, I promise.  She’s just either distracted or overwhelmed.  Also, for someone as understanding as her, she is surprisingly self-centered.  Not selfish, self-centered.  She’ll talk about herself more than she should, and will assume people understand that she’s doing so as a form of showing empathy rather than bragging when they may not know this at all.  Actually she accidentally assumes all the time.  It was far worse when her hearing was functional; she’d finish your sentence for you or guess what it was you were going to say ( again, not to talk over, you but to show she understands you and the conversation, tho it usually came of as annoying or patronizing ).  Sometimes she mistakenly assumes you believe or know the same things she does without even realizing it.  Maybe she perceives the right idea off of someone but isn’t observant enough to notice anything past that.  And while she is willing to change her mind about things, she might change her mind a tad too quickly.  She’s an over-sharer and is horrible at keeping any kind of secret.  Romantic relationships tend to fizzle out. Her impulse control is improving but has a VERY long way to go. She’s always chasing something new.       All and all, when you’re a pirate, a librarian, or even a captain, all of these things may be irritating and inconvenient, but are overall manageable in chunks.  ...But as a governor to her island, as a leader of an entire population... oof. In the position of leadership that she’s in, she can’t afford to make too many massive mistakes, and she knows this.  ‘There is no power quite like the power of being underestimated’ is a phase you’ll hear her say a lot but for her, there is a shift in connotation.  If people expect less and you do more that’s a great upper hand in any situation but for her, it was a safety net.  Having ADHD sometimes means going months or years being fine and then eventually you fuck up and everyone around you wonders how in the world you managed to do that.  She has only barely avoided disaster more times than she’d like to admit.  Even with the resourcefulness, the understanding, and the power she wields, she’s finally starting to realize that she’s bit off more than she might be able to chew, with the entire well-beings and livelihoods of others on the line.  And she fears that one day she’ll play her cards wrong and everything she’d built, everything she’s done, will all come crashing down in ruin.

     She is Hard of Hearing.  This one is literally as simple as it sounds: she has moderate and degenerative hearing loss and tinnitus after years of canons, explosions, gunshots, and a definitive, scale tipping attack in her early 30s.  Her ears just don’t work at all like they used to.  The whole world sounds like it would if everything was underwater: she can’t pin point the location of sounds, how far off or close sounds are, and barely registers changes in volume. And it only gets worse the older she gets; one day she won’t hear anything at all.  And while yes, again, it might be very harsh and ableist to say, the truth of the matter that being deaf a “ weakness ” more often than its a strength.       That said, it very well can be a strength.  I’ve already mentioned that trick with the firecrackers and let me tell you it is a DAMN EFFECTIVE TRICK.  Shes around explosions and canons and guns all the time and now she can focus while being around them five times better than she could in the past!  But unfortunately it also means she’s very easy to sneak up on, she sometimes isn’t aware of danger until it’s nearly too late,  no one can get her attention or warn her across any distance, it’s very easy to escape from her, and it’s easy for her to be just... left out of things.  She might hear you talking, but she has little to no idea what you’re saying without sign or lipreading.  Some people don’t have the patience or even just the courtesy to speak slower, or clearer, or repeat themselves a lot.  Though, those last too thinks aren’t weaknesses of hers so much as they are the weakness of others, but they still negatively affect her self esteem and her effectiveness as a leader.       All of this has taught her to pick her battles carefully, and plan around the elements of surprise and discombobulation.  And while communication was tricky at first, it only got easier, and now she can talk to you almost like anyone can, so long as she’s looking you in the face. 

     That damn bleeding heart.  We have established a number of things that should easily add up to an overly empathetic, trusting, fight-the-good-fight, martyr-some, idealistic pushover;  she believes humanity and kindness are strengths, she has taken on the role of leader and then a provider, she has known suffering and tasked herself with ending the suffering of others to the best of her ability,  she lacks the clarity of mind to assume people aren’t just as good or capable as her automatically, she can have poor impulse control at times,  she wants to have relationships, and ( while I never stated this outright yet it can be inferred  ), she believes that being able to see yourself in others is the foundation of humanity and ( as i did say outright ) humanity is what keeps us unified and unity is what makes us fit and strong.  Keeping up?  Good. Here’s the curve ball: How can she whole hardheartedly preach and believe all of this, to the point of it being the foundation of her character, WHILE BEING A VIOLENT THIEVING AND BLOODTHIRSTY PIRATE?!  HOW, MANGO? HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?! MAKE IT MAKE SENSE!!  Ok, fine, sure, I will. I’m sure about one half of you are looking up from the screen and going “ Oh yeah, wow I totally forgot that bit. “ and the other half got about two and a half paragraphs in before squinting and silently calling bullshit. So let me explain.      In short, she’s a detached hypocrite and is well aware and unashamed of her hypocrisy while far less aware of her detachment. I’ll cover both:  Western culture as a whole seems to be under the impression that hypocrisy, despite context or importance, is automatically bad.  I don’t know where this comes from personally ( my bet is Christianity but I have exactly 0 evidence ) but its a very... flawed idea.  Take the freedom of speech vs racism problem; say you owned a bar where all could speak their mind freely over cold drinks.  Excellent concept without context, right?  Sure. ....Then a die hard racist covered in slurs and symbols walks in and orders- what are you going to do?  The correct answer is to throw him out instantly.  Not let him sit so long as he doesn’t cause trouble, not just ignore him and hope he doesn’t return, you throw him out.  Is it hypocritical?  Yep!  Sure is!  But it is also 100% necessary to protect your other patrons because if you don’t, the racist starts feeling safe and bringing his racist buddies, literally everyone else starts feeling unsafe and starts to hang out elsewhere, and two months later, ta da!  You now own a n*zi bar and there is literally nothing you can do about it. Jessica is in a somewhat similar situation.  You as a pretend bar owner need to make a decision as who to let into your bar and who to throw out for the good of all of your patrons.  Jessica too is faced daily with that decision.  If she want’s to help as many people as possible, the only realistic way she can do that are by protecting those under her leadership... only.  She is surrounded by hateful, angry, sneaky, traitorous, abusive, or otherwise evil people.  Piracy as a profession and poverty in general can do that to a person.  Of course there is a clear difference between those down on their luck and desperate, and the truly cruel and twisted, but unfortunately both types of people yield the same wrongdoings.  It’s absolutely her nature to extend a hand to anyone and everyone but.... she just can’t anymore.  Too many times has her trust been betrayed, too many times has she gotten in peoples business trying to be helpful, only for her to absolutely bite her in the ass.  Too many time the extended hand is bitten and once or twice, she’s actually made things worse.       Now, she will only help someone she loves, someone under her leadership, or someone who seeks her out.  That’s it.  And even then, sometime it manages to bite er in the ass.  But she had to set that hard limit for herself out of necessity, one she does her absolute best to adhere too and... these days she adheres a little too well. That leads us to our next point; what I was alluding to at the beginning of her Understanding essay when I said she has limited but deep running empathy.  That detachment again, courtesy of a very unattached mother and unchecked ADHD. ( It isn’t a strong enough characteristic to even rank as a strength or a weakness but damn if it isn’t an undercurrent to a lot of her motivations and experiences. ) Strangers are fair game that she tries to ignore, but if she even perceives you as a threat, you could be in danger. Like anyone used to violence or perhaps anyone trapped in an us verses them mindset, she can just... flat... turn her empathy off.  Not on command, she’s not a socio or psychopath persay.  But she has become totally numb to the horror of violence via her warrior upbringing that, in her mind, violence can actually be rather fun. Pair that with the fact that she purposely tailored herself to only be empathetic to her allies and boom.  You get a kindhearted killer.  Cops and soldiers in our world do it literally every day.  Actually anyone can do it really, even you if you tried. You don’t have to be evil or even angry to kill or steal or lie... you just have to believe you’re right.

Three Secrets:

     WHAT SECRETS?!  LMAO this bitch is the oversharing queen!! I’ve been typing and pondering her character for literal hours ( its currently 11:16, fuck you adderall ), and I still can not think of a single goddamn secret.  There is nothing about her that at least five random people don’t fucking know about!! The only secrets she has are secrets she knows about other people and even then she is!! literally the worst!! She spills her guts left and right and yet she wants to be a mysterious bitch SO BAD like BABE I love you, you’re precious, but you are a dumbass attention seeking validation chasing adhd CLOWN girl!! Stop telling random people about your hermaphroditism or your dairy allergy or your dead dad or that time you fell asleep in a barrel like that is literally your uber driver Jessica honey come ooooon. I’m skipping this section mom holy fuck.

Three Fears:

     What if she does wrong by everyone who trusts her?  As stated at the end of the ADHD essay, she’s terrified of failing those she leads.  Where it as simple as personal failure, she’d be fine.  Ever if her entire world came crashing down on top of her she’d either die or start back from square one.  Death is a fact of life and her adaptability means she can just dust herself off and move on, so neither her death nor her failures really scare her... But it isn’t just her life and happiness at stake, is it? Not anymore, right?  What started as a leader of a small gang of rebels became a full crew, then a crew became a slew of allies, then those allies built a town and now... now she’s the governor of the Crimson Isle and there are nearly twenty five HUNDRED lives at her mercy.   HER mercy.  One really, really bad mistake could ruin their livelihoods or spark disorder and disloyalty.  And if she died?  Would whoever it is that will take her place be as good to them as she is?  Is she good enough to begin with in the first place? Every day the paperwork gets a little bit thicker, every year there’s a new baby or two.  And the isle has fertile soil sure but will it last?  Are they prepared for a raid or a hurricane?  And if Jessica trusts the wrong people, where her people right to trust her?  ...can I protect them? Can I protect them?! CAN I PROTECT THEM?!

     Who am I if I’m not interesting?  This is, literally, an entirely subconscious fear.  She’s not at all aware it exists and therefor this entry is short. But between her short time with her very unimpressed mother, her own ADHD, she is constantly hungry for attention without even realizing it.  She must be interesting and intriguing and engaging, and I did mention she wants to also be mysterious.  She wants not so much your input or even your validation - but rather if shes not perceived then.... is she really there? Remember, she is unaware of any of this.  And fortunately she’d never been starved for attention to act out over it in the first place, even when her disinterested mother was alive. Look at her; she’s radiant, she’s beautiful, and she’s 6′4 / 195 cm shredded and covered in cool scars. Without even opening her mouth, without even her colorful clothes, she’s kind of automatically interesting.  So she’s never been so desperate for attention that she acts out because she’s never been without it for very long.  But it’s there. Hungry, aching, silent.  Those years after the M branding were horrible and she could never really explain why.  She still throws parties, organizes festivals, and talks to damn near anyone who will listen.  Look at my art!  Look at my library! Listen to how much I know! Let me tell you how lovely you are! Look at my scares! Look at my hair! Look at me haha, please, please look at me. 

     GHOSTS. NOPE. No. NO. Fuck ALL of that noise. Stay dead, go to hell, eat a dick.  Red Jessica is a scientist and superstitious atheist. As an academic and somewhat bi-cultural woman she simply thinks there are far too many religions with far too much history for any of them to be considered The One True Thing You Must Believe Or ElseTM and she tends to not truly believe anything until she finds some kind of proof.  Shes not afraid of the unknown, shes thrilled by it. She’s not afraid of death or the afterlife, that’s beyond her control. She’s only superstitious because she does believe in and value luck, and also its a bit of a cultural habit. BUT IF SOME SHIT STARTS MOVING ON ITS OWN OR IF SHE SEES SOME BULLSHIT IN THE CORNER OF HER EYE THEN SHE IS OUT OF THERE. OUTIE 5000. She has heard the tales of lost souls from purgatory or the eternally ravenous Pret or dangerous Phi Tai Hong or the tragic and startling Banshees or the creepy Santa Compana and she wouldn’t believe a word of it where it not for one thing.      SHE FUCKING SAW ONE. She’ll never forget it, it was the first and last time she EVER attempted to plunder a tomb all Skyrim style and at first she thought it was one of the crewmean being creepy as shit until she got a good look and he was SEE THROUGH AS SHIT AND SKINNY AS FCUK AND SHE GOT LITERALLY CHASED THE FUCK OUT OF THAT JOINT. She does not CARE that some ghosts are just apparitions she does not CARE that some are friendly and trying to warn her of something if you are MOVING and DEAD at the SAME time get FUCKED. If any of y’all cringe try-hards bring a Ouija board to the party you are getting SENT HOME and BLOCKED. NO CAP.

Three Goals:

   She really only has one left. Listen its... almost 1am and ive been typing since like 5pm i think i covered goals somewhere in here but ive gotta throw in the towel but even then I’m kinda being serious.  Her only remaining goal is to find a suitable heir of some kind.  She wants what she’s built to fall into worthey hands but she could never seem to find a good parter and even when she did she couldn’t sustain a pregnancy ( you’d think that would be a huge deal but it hardly mattered to her oddly ).  So at 50 the option of having kids is out but there’s still plenty of hope for either adoption or a protege.  But then again, she’s so busy these days that she hardly prioritizes it like she wants to.  

                                                                               holy shit i need some water...

[inspired-by-the-music]

y’all know I can’t control myself when shinee loving anon encourages me to do literary analysis! here are nearly 2,000 words of me analyzing my own writing like a weirdo :p because this is not the first time I have done literary alaysis of my own work, and it certainly won’t be the last (I’m already working on a thesis statement that could connect themes from the SHINee universe to at least 2/3 main plots of For You), I’ve decided to make a little banner for these essays lol. 

First, some disclaimers: For You is an ongoing work. It might be an ongoing work for the rest of forever because Lei provides a perfect character through which I can explore S.M. In case you haven’t gathered from scrolling through my blog for a few seconds — I am a huge S.M. fan. With that being said, the main plot of 4 O’Clock is completed. This informal essay will discuss similarities between 4 O’Clock and works in the SHINee Universe.

I think I should begin by expressing my deep attachment to Taemin that is reflected in my writing. He is the first SHINee member that I wrote about; that drabble resulted in my friendship with SHINee Loving Anon and inspired my confidence to write about all five SHINee members. “Beautiful Parts” should be read as what it is: my reunion with my favorite group. Writing that story was therapeutic; it ranks with “Between Souls - Jonghyun,” “Lights - Taeyeon,” and “Orenda - Onew.” All of these works were written with my emotional needs in mind. They are deeply personal, and that’s why I love them. I created them with the intent of bringing myself comfort, and I shared them with the hope of extending that comfort to others. 

“Beautiful Parts” also represents the shift toward Taemin becoming one of my ultimate idols and creative inspirations. When I could not yet write about Jonghyun, I could write about Taemin; when I could not yet listen to Jonghyun or SHINee without hurting, I could listen to Taemin. The image that I created of Taemin comforting someone — an unnamed reader — in “Beautiful Parts” remains with me. I can’t unsee it. It is obviously not a moment that I have lived through, but it feels real to me.

That image is integral to the relationship between Taemin and Lei. Comfort —  the fact that Taemin sat beside her when she cried — is a key component of Lei’s love for him. 

One could and should find similarities between the unnamed character of “Beautiful Parts” and Lei. Granted, “Beautiful Parts” is a part of the SHINee Universe. The character is Minho’s sister; although much of her character is intentionally vague, she is a separate character from Lei. She could and should, however, be read as a precursor to Lei. Both characters seek the company of the moon when they are troubled and cannot sleep. They share a desire — a compulsion, even — to reach for the moon and stars that they know they can never reach. 

“What’s so comforting about the moon and the single star in the sky? How can they be so far, lightyears away, yet feel so close? Why did they convince you to lean against the railing, reaching for them like a child with no understanding of the distance? You couldn’t say, even though you wondered almost every night.” “Beautiful Parts”

“The stars were on full display, and the moon was a sterling crescent so bright that I thought, were my wrists not bound, I could have reached out and grabbed it out of the sky and put it in my pocket.

That was a silly thought I dreamt about often: holding the moon, carrying it around with me in the daylight as if I could protect it better than the sky. I don't know who planted that dream in my mind or why, but I was always grateful for it" (4 O'Clock, Chapter 2). 

If you read 4 O'Clock, you cannot mistake the significance of the moon; Lei will not let you. In third-person or second-person narratives— like "Beautiful Parts"— I think that it would cheapen the story to overtly impress upon the reader the significance of a symbol. Put simply: if the second- or third-person narrator has to explain, "this is significant because," then the writer has failed in their application or execution of a symbol. However, as Lei is a first-person narrator relating her story to her mother, she is permitted to express plainly, "this is important— this is important, and this is why." She does exactly that by referring to the moon, in later chapters, as "our moon," meaning that she has claimed this symbol as hers and Taemin's. 

This claim of ownership becomes especially significant as Lei struggles to confine her love for Taemin to times when it is safe to express— at night in their hotel room or, in post-tour chapters, in her room. This distinction is also expressed in "Beautiful parts" compared to its counterpart "Morning Confessions." I used "Morning Confession" as a guide in writing the morning scenes of 4 O'Clock Chapter 9, Chapter 12, Chapter 14, and part 6 of the Epilogue. In all of these scenes referenced, there is a clear shift between the night— when a character receives comfort— and the morning— when that comfort is reciprocated, usually through some form of affection. 

The exception is the scene from Chapter 9. This part of the story occurs before the New Year's kiss that dispels much of Lei's discomfort about being in a relationship. Within this scene, Lei is torn between the desire to share her first kiss with Taemin and the desire to escape his embrace and start her day. Notice, then, that Lei is imposing this binary of day and night. (Granted, Lei believes that this binary is imposed upon her by external forces. I am inclined to agree that she is limited in self-expression by the pressures of standing in the public eye. Using my author knowledge of her life, I would also argue that her fears and reservations are rooted in real-life experiences; those are always the hardest fears to shake.)

Another interesting observation is that this scene from Chapter 9 is sandwiched between Lei's comforting Taemin post-Jaemin-induced-tantrum and the tense bathroom scene where Lei object to the terms "mine" and "yours" when referring to another person. 

"That's something I've always struggled to accept: the idea of calling somebody— a whole individual— mine. I know some people are infatuated with the idea of ownership, but that kind of dynamic has always made my skin crawl." 

"It's just, those words— mine and yours—" I cringed, and Taemin dropped my hands. "I don't know. I think it's fine to call you my soulmate or my boyfriend, if that's what you are, but the thought of calling you— all of you— mine just seems wrong'" (4 O'Clock, Chapter 9). 

Note: Lei does not yet accept that Taemin is her soulmate. These quotes are indicative of Lei's character as they express her deepest fears. Consider that 4 O'Clock— while it is about Lei's love for Taemin, and it is about Donghae's unrequited (totally requited) love for Manager Kim— is ultimately about Lei's liberation from fear. Certainly, Taemin places a role in that liberation; Lei states far too many times to reference that he was an inspiration to her before she knew him as anything more than an idol. However, one would be remiss in failing to recognize the relationship through which Lei discovers herself: her relationship with her mother. 

(If you need proof of this claim, and I seriously doubt you do, here is a quote from Chapter 10: 

"I had been considering what it meant to be the fulfillment of her dreams, and it meant that I couldn’t be afraid. It meant I didn’t have to be. There was liberation in the fact that I could be confident in the truth that no matter what anybody in that hotel room, in the country, in the whole world even (!) said or thought or did, I now knew who I was. I knew who Mom was. I knew that no matter what— come what may— we would love each other forever. 

All along, I had the forever love I couldn’t admit to wanting. . .") 

The whole "'mine' and 'yours' makes me cringe" scene occurs right before Lei admits to her mother that she knows who she is: the idol who never debuted. Throughout most of the story, Lei refers to her mother as "Mom," capital-M, as if "Mom" is her birth name. There are scattered incidents where Lei writes "my mom," but she usually does so to distinguish her relationship with Mom and the one Lucas claims by using the name. 

"Were I not used to that— Lucas referring to my mother as if she were also his, calling her hot— I might have cringed" (4 O'Clock, Chapter 1). 

This use of the phrase "my mother" should be viewed in contrast to Lei's use of the phrase "my mom" in chapter 9. 

"No. No, I knew my mom. I knew her long before I saw her as the idol who never debuted. She had eyes that found possibilities where others saw none. There was no way that she hadn't considered how the last 21 years of her life had been affected by my existence" (4 O’Clock, Chapter 9). 

By using the word "my," Lei does not take ownership of the relationship— or of her mother as a whole individual— in a way that should make anybody's skin crawl. Rather, she uses that word to distinguish her Mom from the idol who never debuted. "My" is a protective word— a word through which Lei can shield her mother from judgment. Distinction of identities matters deeply to Lei because she feels that she is inadequate in her roles as an idol and as a human being. 

She writes when reflecting on Kai's request to be called Jongin that she has always been hyper-sensitive to the difference between calling an artist by their stage name and their birth name. Considering whether she should have used a stage name herself, Lei wonders: 

"Would that have made it easier to distinguish me (the person) from me (the idol)?" (4 O’Clock, Chapter 2). 

It is crucial to understand these distinctions of identities and their significance to Lei if you are to feel the weight of a post-New Year's- Kiss moment:

"That time, when Taemin whispered, “My Lei,” against my skin, I didn’t cringe at the thought that I— all of me, every thought locked away in my mind, every fear hidden in the darkest corners of my heart— belonged to him. 

Maybe that’s not the best way to phrase it. Maybe I mean to say that I didn’t cringe at the thought that all of me, even the parts that I considered fruitless or dangerous or flawed, belonged with Taemin. I don’t know" (4 O’Clock, Chapter 14)."

There's our Lei, still caught up in things like proper wording! Also significant is Lei's limited use of the phrase "my Taemin." She thinks it for the first time shortly before the scene quoted above; she doesn't say it aloud until the next day. We could take this, I suppose, as another example of the binary of day and night that culminates in Lei's decision to "live in the light," expressed in the closing chapters. 

[nightbloomsresorthotel]

A Controversial, but Fair Essay on Gabbie Hanna’s Poetry That Doesn’t Completely Shit on Her Writing

So I just finished listening to her youtube video where she addresses this topic. When I first saw her poems, I could see what everyone was talking about: her poems are simple, full of puns that seem to masquerade as a function of “depth”, with simple, easy to understand language juxtaposed with themes of growing up and trauma. She says that her influences include Shel Silverstein, Bo Burnham and William Williams, including his famous poem This is Just to Say.

(prepare thyself reader, this is a quick 2k analysis. I’ve included GOOD poetry recs at the end!)

She goes on to say that what drew her to these poems was there charm- Shel Silverstein’s works were meant for children, and they are easy to interpret- and could be read from the perspective of both an adult and child. As a child reading Where the Sidewalk Ends, I enjoyed the illustrations and the rhyming nature of these poems. I’m sure Gabbie Hanna did as well. Hearing her talk about these inspirations and what she wanted to do with her own poems, it’s clear that she was aiming for each piece to harken back to the whimsy and innocence of childhood, while addressing more adult topics.

I think that Gabbie Hanna missed the mark. She admits that some of the poems in her book were rushed and this makes me question if and where she ever got any peer feedback from her pieces. I also wonder if Gabbie has ever taken any writing classes or poetry workshops, but I am doubtful. The big difference between This is Just to Say and, lets say, her poem Chivalry is clear. Here is This is Just to Say:

I have eaten

the plums

that were in

the icebox

and which

you were probably

saving

for breakfast

Forgive me

they were delicious

so sweet

and so cold.

So much has already been said about this poem. But the biggest thing to take away here, is that Williams clearly put thought into syntax, imagery, rhythm and rhyme. You will notice that this piece doesn’t exactly rhyme, but it slant rhymes. Rhyming has become less of a marker for poetry recently, mostly because I think it makes people think of nursery rhymes or songs and traditional, older forms of poetry, and some poets don’t want that connotation. This may surprise some, but poetry is an ever evolving art form; poets are always playing with experimentation in their work. Here, imagery and the five senses make This is Just to Say great. Up until the last stanza, we don’t really get anything that makes us feel a physical sensation until we get to “so sweet/ and so cold”. This is where the impact of the poem lies. This is the climax of this poem. Every word before it is intentionally abstract, while sweet and cold are in comparison, concrete images and sensual images. This is why we can almost taste the plums the author is talking about at the end of the poem.

Let’s look at a poem I picked at random from Gabbie Hanna’s book, CHIVALRY:

I’m not some no-brained bimbo

and i’m not some helpless girl

i am fucking remarkable

and i deserve the world.

i don’t need you to open my door,

but the gesture would be nice.

i don’t need you to buy my meal;

the offer would suffice.

i don’t need to be taken care of,

but it’d be cool to know you care.

i’m a holographic charizard

highly desired and rare.

yo, i even drop pokemon references

‘cause i’m fuckin dope as shit.

i’m good with just me, i don’t need you

not even a tiny bit.

Let me address what I like about this poem first. Gabbie knows what she wants to do- she utilizes rhyming and repetition to make this an easy flowing read. She knows that a lower-case “i” shows that despite what she may be claiming in the poem “i don’t need you/ not even a tiny bit”, the narrator does not think highly of themselves— perhaps the narrator desperately needs the “you” addressed, but is not confidant enough to ask for their friendship/ relationship. The narrator is contradicting themselves, showing a low self-esteem, and maybe crying for help. This juxtaposed with the fun rhyming tone of the piece and the mention of pokémon succesfully gets this point across.

However, this poem seems to focus on utilizing these elements of craft only. Gabbie could enhance the reader experience by adding more concrete imagery: why type of meal? How helpless of a girl? These are instances where Gabbie could help the reader connect to the speaker, and she doesn’t do so. We could also argue that she’s emulating This is Just to Say by only including one concrete and colorful image, but I will address this further down.

Additionally, this narrator could be anyone. I could imagine anybody saying this, of any gender. Perhaps Gabbie did this intentionally- the more vague a narrator is, the more it could apply to anyone— the average teen/adult could connect to this poem. However, this gives the poem a generic quality. Perhaps others would like to connect to this narrator more, and get a better sense of who the narrator is. Also let me address why I keep using “narrator” instead of “Gabbie”. It’s a force of habit for me (that I got from poetry courses in college) to assume that the narrator of the poem and the author of the poem may not always be the same person. I think in this situation, these poems are undoubtedly from Gabbi’s perspective, but to remain neutral just in case, I will continue to use “narrator”. 

Something I’d also like to address is the matter of rhyming in the current poetry world. Many journals have gone so far as to say “we do not accept rhyming poems” in their submission guidelines. Not all, but some. People who just start out writing poetry believe that poems must rhyme to be considered poetry at all, but when you take your first poetry class in high school or college, you quickly realize that this is not the case. Here, Gabbie uses a simple end rhyme scheme to evoke poetry like Silverstein and childhood memories of reading poetry, nursery rhymes, etc. But I think to those who have been reading poetry for a long time, teaching it, or reading submissions for their journal, the mark of a novice poet is that everything rhymes, sometimes at the sake of using a better word in its place that doesn’t rhyme. I think rhyme has its place in poetry, but it can be overused. Since most of Gabbie Hanna’s poems do rhyme, it’s easy to see someone getting “rhyme fatigue” while reading. Another negative effect of rhyming is that the reader will begin to anticipate the rhyme- this can cause the reader to skip lines entirely, and focus solely on the rhyme scheme, rather than focusing on the meaning of the poem. A piece that harkens back to childhood and uses rhyme well, in my opinion, is This Be the Verse by Phillip Larkin:

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.  

   They may not mean to, but they do.  

They fill you with the faults they had

   And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn

   By fools in old-style hats and coats,  

Who half the time were soppy-stern

   And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.

   It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Get out as early as you can,

   And don’t have any kids yourself.

I think the big difference between this and Gabbie Hanna’s poem is that it starts off strong right away with “They fuck you up, your mum and dad”. The condescending tone is always there right from the start, and the rhyming is more of a surprise than an expectation throughout- the line “it deepens like a coastal shelf” brings new imagery and meaning to the poem by veering off into another subject. This enhances the surprise.

I’d also like to address cliche’s. The cliche’s present in CHIVALRY are “I deserve the world” and “I don’t need you to open my door”. These are easy to understand from a readers point of view, but often, cliche’s offer nothing new and exciting to the reader. They are easy to skip over and ignore. These add to the poems generic atmosphere.

Let’s talk about the pieces title itself: CHIVALRY. When we read this poem with the title in context, we get a strange disconnect. The poem is clearly about a girl who says she doesn’t need chivalrous acts from a  friend or partner, and doesn’t need someone because they are “good with just me”. But the subtext of the piece is less about chivalry and more about self-esteem or a willingness to be loved. The piece has changed meaning two thirds of the way down. I think the title is too obvious and misleading, and gives the reader the wrong idea about what the poem is trying to say. In essence, the piece is named after a facet of the relationship between the narrator and other person, rather than the root of what the poem is trying to convey.

The pokémon references add color to this piece, and it is the only place this piece has any kind of concrete imagery. In the This is Just to Say the sweet and cold plum imagery is the very last line, heightening them. In CHIVALRY, they’re near the middle of the piece. Thus, the longer ending reduces the color  and lasting effect of “holographic charizard”.

Overall, I think Gabbie Hanna could benefit from workshopping her poems and getting peer feedback from other poets, in addition to reading poetry that isn’t thirty plus years old. I don’t know if she already does this, but judging from her poems, I can only assume that she hasn’t. At the very least, she should avoid rushing to get poems out before they are due.

Gabbie Hanna is a novice poet who put her poems out into the world and got a greater amount of backlash than any novice poet usually does in a workshop or classroom setting.  When in the classroom, there is such a thing as Critique Etiquette. Critique for poems are give honestly and gently, never in a harsh or mean way. Fellow poets point out possible interpretations of work, or possible unwanted connotations of sometimes, even a simple word at the end of the line. In addition, poets in the classroom are exposed to modern poets that are creating new and exciting work that is often published in highly esteemed magazines- reading the best of todays poetry. Gabbi Hanna’s work seemingly got published without peer review, and the quality of it was clear to those who read it. That being said, I do think that people who read and love Gabbie Hanna’s work do connect with it— no doubt because these poems are designed to be as generic as possible, so that others may see themselves in the words.This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I believe her work appeals best to newcomers to poetry, people who maybe have only ever read works from Shel Silverstein or Edgar Allen Poe. This can be a blessing and a shame. There are many good poets out there, that aren’t getting published because they don’t have youtube channels or brand collaborations, and they are just plain hard to find. However, Gabbie Hanna has opened the door for many would-be poetry readers, and has sparked a love for the art of poetry in them. Hopefully, this love leads them to become wider read, and to seek out more poetry from a multiple of authors to read.

I decided that I’d also like to include some published poetry from poets that are from a range of different backgrounds. Go forth and read!

POETRY THAT DOESN'T SUCK: Sonya Vatomsky's Salt is for Curing- poems by a non-binary poet that focus on themes of femininity, Russian food, Russian folklore and identity. Review Purchase 

Danez Smith- A black, queer, non-binary and HIV positive writer. A poem I really like of theirs is "Dinosaurs in the Hood" is a great poem that I personally love.

Claudia Rankine's Citizen: An American Lyric. This book contains poems that focus on the Black experience in America. Excerpt from the book here

Khadijah Queen's I'm So Fine: A List of Famous Men and What I Had On. This collection features conversational poems that focus on the narrators encounters with famous men in relation to what the narrator was wearing at the time. A piece that centers around the question "Well, what were you wearing?". Read two poems from the book Here. 

Fatimah Ashgar's IF THEY COME FOR US. Poems by a Pakistani-Kashmiri-American. These poems focus on race and identity. One of my favorites takes the form of a bingo card, titled Microagression Bingo (read here and two other poems from the book). As a poc myself, I was nodding along to every line, thinking "Yup. I've been through that too."

Tommy Pico is an indiginous poet, and Junk is a book length poem of couplets that uses modern, fast, text style language. From the Tin House website: "The third book in Tommy Pico’s Teebs trilogy, Junk is a breakup poem in couplets: ice floe and hot lava, a tribute to Janet Jackson and nacho cheese. In the static that follows the loss of a job or an apartment or a boyfriend, what can you grab onto for orientation?" Read an excerpt Here. 

I can assure you that none of these read like Rupi Kaur, Gabbie Hanna, or Atticus. These are serious poets that have spent years honing their form, submitting to journals-- they did the work. And it shows in the quality of their writing.

While I'm not a fan of Atticus and Rupi Kaur and Gabbie Hanna, I can appreciate that they've appealed to people who may have never read a poem before. Now those people have a  newfound love for poetry, and a hunger for more. Hopefully, those people will seek out other poets and expand their knowledge and repertoire of current poets, maybe lesser known poets that do amazing work.

[p-st]

sakura haruno fics (ao3)

an old anon sent me on the quest of a lifetime when they first asked for sakura fic recs and my brain went “lets read every fic on ao3 in the sakura haruno tag” (also ff.net but thats gonna have to be another post in the far off future bc ff is an old giant)

fics are split into finished, in progress, and abandoned (and the fics with ⭐ are my top faves) plus every category’s fics will be in order from shortest to longest. im gonna include the original summaries along with my own separate take (really more of a reaction) and any warnings the fics need!

THIS IS A LABOR OF LOVE!!!!! which is a nice way of saying it’s long as shit, it took me forever, and i loved every second of it! let me know if any links dont work, theres typos that dont look purposeful, there’s warnings missing, if any fics arent in order, the formatting isnt right, etc.etc.

my sincerest apologies to mobile users

fair warning: im not exaggerating when i say it’s really long

(pic from naruto-manga-caps)

author’s note: im dumb and have adhd and though ive read most of these fics at least twice, i tend to skip over text. with this in mind PLEASE let me know if you come across anything in these fics that makes you uncomfy so i can either add a warning or remove it entirely

want to navigate faster? ctrl+f to search key words like: [ship], [author], bamf, mokuton, (team as) family, etc!

FINISHED

in the roots of the forest (i am birthed) by frostnesia

ship: none // words: 272 // chapters: 1/1

so little sakura walks; past the flowers, the vines, the bright red gates and enters to a sanctuary no one with a beating heart had stepped in for more than a hundred years.

au. little ficlet! OOF im always a little heart eyed about godly iconography. plotless! just a good short read that would absolutely rock my world if it was expanded into a multichapter story but it’s still good as is!

Seven or Two by grit

ship: sakura & kakashi // words: 623 // chapters: 1/1

He makes a split-second decision. Their teamwork was atrocious, but he knows who to blame, and it’s not the girl who blackmailed her teammates into giving a damn.

i really do need more fics where kakashi recognizes the similarities between himself and sakura. tbh i just need more fics where sakura gets the love and recognition she deserves. this is a good short fic for that! team seven doesnt make it through but sakura does! eventually! warning for one weird line abt the yamanakas that might make ppl uncomfy

Twelve and Sixteen by therebaeka

ship: none // words: 625 // chapters: 1/1

Twelve years old Sakura was weak. She was annoying. She cried over the littlest thing. She had no pain tolerance at all. She wanted to be strong. Sixteen years old Sakura was strong. She can split the earth. She can heal anything. She can take anything thrown at her. She wanted to be twelve again.

god i love fics that touch on all the negative effects a shinobi lifestyle has on ninja kids (like the loss of childhood innocence/wonderment). character growth and mostly a character analysis type fic which i love. sakura just loves her team but she misses being a kid (team as family!!)

Three Sentence Ficlets by Elizabeth Culmer (edenfalling)

ship: narusasusaku // words: 626 // chapters: 3/3

Tiny ficlets written for various iterations of the Three Sentence Ficathon:

1) A quiet moment, after the world doesn't end. 2) Sakura reaches the valley's rim just in time. 3) The night before Naruto's investiture as Hokage.

soft and kind short fics abt my fav ot3. first chap is set post-war, 2nd is set during naruto and sasukes fight in the valley before he goes to orochimaru, and the setting of the 3rd is in the above description. these are really soft fics and im a sucker for the slice of life feelings

Another Kind of You by rhenna

ship: sasusaku // words: 655 // chapters: 1/1

"The problem with the color black is that it can't decide whether it is the color of the classically evil or the color of the bad-boy hero."

they are.. just liddle babies..team as family feelings bc that’s what really gets me in my uwus. not shippy! just sakura’s usual baby crush! surprisingly introspective

Unravel by grit

ship: none // words: 683 // chapters: 1/1

Sakura will be a shinobi soon and they know to coat their bare skin in poison.

au. sakura is a kiri nin amidst the bloodline purges. honestly just a super interesting look into life in kirigakure during this time and how its beliefs reflect on its children. warning for animal death and a little bit of an unhinged world view

I’ll Carry You by naru_writes

ship: narusasusaku // words: 701 // chapters 1/1

I’ll just rest my eyes for a bit, Sakura tells herself, slowly petting the now sleeping kitten, and then I’ll start on dinner.

i LIVE for domestic fluff and established relationships aaa. they love and care about her so much it makes my heart happy. all from sakura’s pov

Puppy Love by Dovey

ship: kibasaku // words: 852 // chapters: 1/1

It’s Sakura’s first day in the academy when she falls in love with Kiba Inuzuka.

i looooove how differently she grows as a character with just one difference. really cute baby genin crush. theyre rowdy, muddy, rough housing best friends. really short and lighthearted

Selfless Stunt by Michinokao

ship: sakura & naruto & sasuke // words: 859 // chapters: 1/1

Sakura wants to become chunin. She really does. However, after seeing Naruto’s nervousness, she decides to raise her hand to drop out with her team.

set during chunin exams. OOF babey im always here for team 7 as family fics!! short little thing and just feel good for ppl who stan sakura and love when others take her feelings into consideration :’)

What You See is What You Get, So Look Away by Dovey

ship: none // words: 903 // chapters: 1/1

a warmup piece i wrote trying to make a Kakashi who’s not so oblivious.

kakashi’s pov. lots of introspection and meta and i love this kind of stuff a lot. analysis on how different naruto and sasuke are from the rest of their team. love love love when anyone brings up sakura’s own mortality and what she had to do to get to where she is. aaa also the author notes at the end are very worth the read

Snake Tooth by Pinnacle of Failure (Cromirn)

ship: none // words: 904 // chapters: 1/1

The Forest of Death doesn't go right. Sakura can't tell what's real and what's not.

exactly as the summary says! orochimaru does some genjutsu stuff and my poor girl get severely messed up mentally. warning for implications of gore and an unstable mind. part one in a trilogy (others are on this list)

Here Are Your Bones Crossed by grit

ship: none // words: 977 // chapters: 1/1

Sakura begins recovery by unfurling her hands and giving him a tense report. Kakashi waits patiently for her to stumble through Konoha Standard, motions well-memorised but never practiced, and gently reaches out to lift her chin, making her look at him.

(Sakura blames herself. For trusting Kabuto, for not being stronger, for being here when really it should have been Naruto who survived.)

it’s fucked :( sakura is gonna need such a good therapist it’s really what she deserves. and if i did tear up a little after that last thing kakashi said? well thats between me and whoever’s reading this. read the author notes at the end for an explanation of whats going on in this timeline

Wind and Water, Earth and Rain by theformerone

ship: narusaku // words: 1020 // chapters: 1/1

Naruto almost loses himself on the Wave Mission. But in a world where Team Seven was created to prevent another Kyuubi attack, there is always someone there to remind him of who he is.

set during wave arc. MOKUTON SAKURA. not shippy at all? incredibly easy to take as platonic and just a sweet team 7 as family fic (which i did before i looked at the tags??) warning for super brief gore

⭐How Do You Tell a Girl You Want to Kiss Her? by theformerone

ship: shikasaku // words: 1084 // chapters: 1/1

Shikamaru punches a hole through Sakura’s wall. She can’t really deal with that until she has her morning coffee.

au. part three of the role reversal au (others are listed later) this is really cute and theres nothing life or death about it and i love how idk. normal it is? sakura is just tired and taking it in stride and shikamaru is a flustered mess (choji is a good wingman) (and god this is a small thing but i love the lowkey team 7 stuff. my faves are my faves in any universe)

Of Gardens and Girls by Dovey

ship: sakura & team 7 // words: 1128 // chapters: 1/1

Soulmates: a person so important, so loved, and so central to your life that the universe acknowledges it. Flowers representing that love will grow inside of you until the love is requited, or you move on.

Sakura has a lot of soulmates.

au. set throughout timeline. really bittersweet, so damn bittersweet. this fic makes my heart hurt bc she’s so full of love and deserves better. (theres also a lot more ships nd every single one is platonic except for the naruhinagaa) warning for death :’(

Forgetting Something by theformerone

ship: sakukarin // words: 1130 // chapters: 1/1

Well I’m not eating you out in the kitchen like I was planning on when your daughter left.”

Sakura snorts.

“So she’s just my daughter now?”

Karin follows her into the room and sets down Sarada’s new spare pair of glasses on her desk.

“When you help her cause minor property damage before seven in the morning, yes, she’s your daughter.”

set in boruto universe. really fucking sweet. this is just a short and cute little slice of life thing w adorable sakura and sarada interactions

Smiles in Spring by Kalira

ship: inosaku // words: 1179 // chapters: 1/1

One spring day when they are very small, Ino meets a little girl with shy eyes, a beautiful smile, and pink hair, and immediately knows what she wants in her future. Ino's never had any qualms bending the force of her will on the universe to be sure she gets whatever she wants.

NOT sakura centric but i excused a couple of other fics already PLUS this is cute so whatever. it’s just short and cute and makes my heart swell

Drawing Her Back by Kalira

ship: inosaku // words: 1197 // chapters: 1/1

It's not the first time Sakura has had to lead her lover back to herself from deep in her own mind, and it probably won't be the last. She doesn't like it . . . but she can do it.

sakura is the best. have i mentioned that before? i love her more than anything if you didnt already know that about me. sakura is just making sure ino is okay and helping in any way she can and my heart is soft

Underneath the Underneath (is nothing but bones and blood) by Dovey

ship: none // words: 1269 // chapters: 1/1

Sakura has a weak heart. This isn’t metaphorical, but literal- she’s born with a heart too small to pump properly. A valve is slightly misaligned, and any strenuous activity could kill her.

set from genin era to the attack on the village amidst the chunin exam. and again! dovey delivers the good stuff! no dialogue. life kinda comes at her fast and you can almost feel her whole mindset shift

Nothing but Paint by grit

ship: none // words: 1382 // chapters: 1/1

Sakura has her hand fist-deep in Sasuke's rib cage, seriously tempted to rip his heart out like he did hers, a conflict of interest mitigated only by the code of honor her shishou drilled into her, when she realizes that Team Seven won't return to Konoha without him this time.

character exploration of team 7 surrounding sakura (my weakness) not sure where in the timeline this is but i know it's post sai and yamato joining the team. it's short but interesting as hell!! immediate warning for blood if the desc didnt give it away

Hands Reaching Out by orlha

ship: shikasaku // words: 1412 // chapters: 1/1

The price of winning the war was steeper than Sakura imagined it to be. It was a price she gladly pay over and over again but the thought of not living long enough to see this new peace burns in her chest.

post war. just a short angsty little thing abt sakura and her seal. mentions of death

Canary Bill by Pinnacle of Failure (Cromirn)

ship: none // words: 1474 // chapters: 1/1

she knows that what they did for her will come back around. she didn't expect it to be this way.

part two of the disjointed realities series! still set during the exams and my poor girl still has some residual effects of the genjutsu orochimaru put her through. it’s not clear whether it’s real or not

From Ashes by Dovey

ship: none // words: 1476 // chapters: 2/2

She hasn’t got a family, hasn’t got a team, not in any way either of those words should count. It’s time to come to terms with that.

set near the beginning of shippuden it seems? interesting implications about her family that i want more of plus emphasis on team 7 as family minus her which hurts my heart aa. warning for death, blood, and gore (not super graphic)

Boar Tusk by Pinnacle of Failure (Cromirn)

ship: none // words: 1499 // chapters: 1/1

she burns in the flames of memories of which are fake, they boil her skin and melt flesh and she is nothing more than a skeleton of what she was. she wishes she were not what she is now, what she was then, and she begs.

last part of the disjointed realities series! still during the exams! yeah she’s definitely traumatized, no question about it.

How Lame by theformerone

ship: shikasaku // words: 1527 // chapters: 1/1

Nara Shikamaru is the Godaime’s apprentice. Sakura thinks he’s a world class nag.

au. ROLE REVERSALS!! super interesting!!!!! teams are still the same but their stories and personalities are different? anyway this au is cute and i love team seven’s relationship and also sakura’s skills are cool as SHIT. plus the shikasaku interactions are cute. part one of this role swap series.

Letters to the Front by Kalira

ship: hinasaku // words: 1644 // chapters: 1/1

Sakura, as both head medic and close friend and advisor to the Hokage, is not lacking for news from back home even as she manages the field hospital at the front lines, but her most prized letters are not those advising her of news on the war and politics.

set during war time. sakura just loves and appreciates her girlfriend so much aa warning for implied nsf/w. none of it graphic!

The One With the Eye Thing by Dovey

ship: none // words: 1776 // chapters: 1/1

a one chapter story that’s 100% just sakura getting a very gross revenge on her sensei and on the shinobi class system as a whole, at least as far as SHE sees it.

that also means this is SUPER gorey. let it be said that i give the people what they want

au. bamf sakura! set pre shippuden surprisingly enough. believe it or not, there is a very gorey eye thing. sexy ass takes on the role of civilians in a shinobi village. warnings for graphic gore and a mental breakdown

I Spy by AshesFall (Cloud_Nine)

ship: none // words: 1782 // chapters: 1/1

Team 7, Missing in Action.

The aftermath of the Wave Mission gone wrong.

part one of the Lucky Sevens series. not very sakura centric but the whole series is just neat! team as family which im always a sucker for. the series focuses on how team 7 copes with being back in the village and i just think it’s neat idk! warning for mentions torture! individual warnings for every other fic in the series in the tags but most are about torture, trauma, and general violence

Ghosts in Her Blood by Dovey

ship: gaasaku // words: 1831 // chapters: 1/1

After Wave, Inner Sakura changes into a familar face to help Sakura cope with her new reality

au. set during chunin arc. tbh!! no idea this was a ship fic til i read the tags so this can absolutely be read as a shipless fic. really makes you think abt how (not) good a shinobi village is at teaching children how to compartmentalize. my girl’s a bamf but traumatized and trying. warnings for gore and death

Coming Home by Angelchexmex

ship: sakura & team 7 // words: 1901 // chapters: 1/1

Kakashi isn't surprised that his little brats had made themselves at home in his apartment while he was gone, he was just a bit curious as to why.

kakashi pov! set early genin days! not much plot wise but i love fics like that so much aa i love fics that just showcase the familiarity between team 7 in more domestic settings. they love sakura!! they all care abt her so much and kakashi love his kids a lot!!! really cute short and sweet team as family fic! warning for implications of abuse and starvation

Does He Make You Feel Special? by Dovey

ship: none // words: 1905 // chapters: 1/1

Sakura develops an eating disorder, and then she recovers with help from some friends.

au. starts pre shippuden. read the tags because this realy is what it says on the tin. warnings for eating disorders, self esteem issues, and relapse. she gets mostly adopted by tsunade and everyone takes care of her in general. hinata gets the place of apprentice and sakura gets more friends and support and gets trained by anko! focuses on recovery before plot so the only “real” plot is at the very end

Ink Stains and Cherry Blossoms by Hannahmayski

ship: sai & sakura // words: 1922 // chapters: 1/1

Ice cream doesn’t solve all of the world’s problems but Sakura is pretty sure it solves most of them.

or

Sai’s having a bad day and has never had ice cream before. Sakura fixes both.

sai centric fic w sunshine sakura. budding friendship. can be interpreted as romantic if you want? i didnt see it as that, but if it’s what u want! delves a little into sai’s feelings towards danzo. just dang cute and i always love a sakura who is there for her friends. allusion to an eating disorder and emotional manipulation.

⭐What Lingers by spacefleeting

ship: none // words: 1994 // chapters: 1/1

For someone who just watched her friend get beaten to a pulp, had her head nearly punched in, and stopped her teammate from going on a curse-induced murder spree, Sakura is handling everything very well. Until she’s not.

(Or: Sakura blossomed and she’s not really sure how she feels about it yet)

set during chunin exam. trying and failing to compartmentalize and naruto trying to help as best as another kid can. it’s endearing but wow, does canon naruto ever touch on how they help get children through the trauma of shinobi life?? the answer is no. mentions of blood. she takes a bite out of a dude. like. real shit

What’s Yours is Mine by DefiantDreams

ship: narusasusaku // words: 1994 // chapters: 1/1

Sakura doesn’t quite know how it happens, but suddenly their closets are a free-for-all for each other.

au. sakuras pov. just plain soft. short and cute budding romance between my faves aaa,, also genderfluid naruto!!

Last Match in the Matchbox by Endoplasmic Panda

ship: none // words: 2071 // chapters: 1/1

In which Sakura Haruno realizes that being discontent with adult life is part of the Team Seven contractual fine print.

(got rid of the rest of the summary bc it was too many text blocks) set during boruto! just some build up to sakura FINALLY getting her own time to just travel aa. everyone supports her and that’s how it should be

How a Fire is Born by ThroughtheMirrorDarkly

ship: none // words: 2075 // chapters: 1/1

What if there had been no Ino that fateful day in the park? What if Sakura is mercilessly bullied until one day she is pushed to her breaking point, with surprising results?

starts off during early academy days. sakura came here to learn and fuck people up and she just finished the curriculum. i HATE hiruzen but i love my girl so :/ also team seven are all rivals which sounds like it would be chaotic poor kakashi. warnings for abuse and bullying

How Sakura Discovers Her Love for Fighting by smolwhite_ugly

ship: none // words: 2087 // chapters: 1/1

Sakura Haruno is five-years-old when she decides that she really wants to become a ninja. Not a paper ninja. A shinobi.

set during early academy days uvu. rowdy girl rights!!!!! sakura is the ride or die friend everyone wishes they had. sakura is that short comic “you have befriended [name], [name] will now die for you” except it’s beat someone up. sakura’s best friends are blondes uwu

What a Pain by theforemerone

ship: shikasaku // words: 2269 // chapters: 1/1

Yamanaka Ino is an S-ranked missing nin. But before that, she was Shikamaru and Chouji’s best friend and comrade.

Sakura has an easier time compartmentalizing than they do. Especially in a fight.

au. second part of the role swap au! ino essentially took the place of sasuke. pretty focused on the ino-shika-cho story but entirely from sakura’s pov. shes so FUCKING COOL I LOVE THE JUTSUS OP GAVE HER SHES SUCH A BAMF IM IN LOVE. this au is so interesting i need more

Galvanize by nerazenn

ship: narusaku // words: 2352 // chapters: 1/1

gal·va·nize (v): shock or excite (someone), typically into taking action.

::

Sakura’s victorious wail was cut short, however, as she became immediately aware of two things.

One, her hand was in a lot of pain.

And two, Ino was nowhere near Sakura.

modern au. just a short meet cute fic sjcndek honestly id expect nothing less. it’s just cute and makes me laugh. something not serious thrown into the mix of recs

Truth in Platitudes by Kalira

ship: narusasusaku // words: 2454 // chapters: 1/1

Naruto stepped in with no thought to his own safety to protect theirs; now Sakura and Sasuke are left to try and get him out of the trap in his own mind.

yeah it’s exactly what it says on the tin. not sure where on the timeline this is. THEY LOVE EACH OTHER!!!!! im really so easy please

And Then the Desert Blooms by spacefleeting

ship: sakura & gaara // words: 2457 // chapters: 1/1

Haruno Sakura meets Gaara of the Desert piece by piece, name by name.

set throughout timeline. mostly sakura’s thoughts during the few times she’s interacted with gaara. development as friends! naruto would be so happy

Little Moments by iBloo

ship: sasusaku // words: 2519 // chapters: 1/1

Sasuke, Sakura, and Sarada enjoy an afternoon shopping and spending time with each other.

set during boruto’s dad’s son’s time. sasuke just loves his girls and sakura loves her family and sarada loves her parents so much and loves to spend time with them together. just a nice little slice of life feel good fic. im a sucker for domestic “filler episode” type fics aa they make me so tender

Bumpy Future by Dovey

ship: hinasaku // words: 2553 // chapters: 1/1

It’s her last year at the academy when Sakura hits her head. When she wakes up, she has a little trouble matching memories to the people in them- but she’ll have to get it right eventually, yeah?

in which sakura pairs vague associations with the wrong people, and everyone is much happier because of it (Except Iruka-sensei).

acadamy days!! newborns!!! everything changes djsbjd ino is her rival, kiba’s her bestfriend, and hinata is her crush and her class supports all of it, it’s cute (also read the author notes at the end, the last paragraph is so fucking quality)

Hello, Bright Eyes (been waiting on you) by mouseymightymarvellous

ship: saisaku // words: 2651 // chapters: 1/1

“look underneath the underneath,” except no one has ever really bothered to look at sakura and see her. and then there is a boy (isn’t there always). maybe they’re both just ghosts, making each other real.

no clear timeline. large focus on sakura and how she’s (not) seen by other people. emphasis on sai and sakura’s disconnect from naruto and sasuke. the plot confused me a bit but im pretty positive it’s about sakura dismantling root per request of tsunade. THE ENDING THOUGH??? sai deserves so much love that really made me melt a little

Prodigal Sons by Fiction_Over_Fact

ship: sakura & team 7 // words: 2779 // chapters: 1/1

Sasuke is gone and Naruto is gone and Kakashi might as well be.

In which Sakura is sad and alone but discovers she doesn’t have to be either.

set after naruto leaves with jiraiya. sort of a character analysis/coming of age type fic. touches on the disparity of who she was and who she’s becoming. also has bits of her friendship with the rest of the rookie 9!

Sasuke Discovers Emotion #4 by Dovey

ship: sasusaku // words: 2852 // chapters: 1/1

In which Sasuke manages to avoid getting a team with any fangirls, and then figures out maybe he was secretly the fangirl all along, because a little distance and the influence of Sensei Tenten helps Sakura flourish and now he’s got a big old crush to deal with on top of everything else.

set during genin days. also sasuke centric but sakura gets put into a different team and her development as a result is so beautiful even though it isnt the focus aaa. sasuke pines and it’s cute!!

⭐An Improper Apology Properly Backfires by rex101111

ship: sasusaku // words: 2996 // chapters: 1/1

Sasuke Uchiha apologizes, or at least makes an attempt. Sakura thinks he could do better than THAT.

set at the end of the war. naruto is the innocent bystander and it’s all in his pov. god i WISH this went down in canon. this fic is so fucking funny and cathartic bc sakura finally gets to air her grievances. DEFINITELY a top fave of mine and i have it bookmarked for whenever i just so happen to be in the mood

The Value of Learning to Bloom by Yourself by alunbalanced

ship: shikasaku // words: 3001 // chapters: 2/2

Sasuke asks a question and receives an unexpected answer and Sakura stands on her own two feet as she walks away.

set post war. really good self indulgent fic for ppl who love sakura and arent the biggest fans of sasuke (this fic is a bit mean to him so i wouldnt recommend to sasuke stans). this doesnt read as one consecutive fic but more like two individual one shots. sasuke is only in the first chapter and the second one is dedicated to sakura’s first time training w tsunade and shikamaru analyzing her. also the author notes are me always

San by Demeter

ship: none // words: 3046 // chapters: 1/1

When three whittles down to one. A very biased view.

set throughout pre shippuden timeline. heavy on that introspection! not all that plot focused, just sakura’s thoughts on where she stands and how she’s always left behind

The Shadows are Darker When the Sun is Bright by EndoplasmicPanda

ship: none // words: 3437 // chapters: 1/1

She remembers that Team 7, from all those years ago, and then remembers the real Team 7, with bickering teammates and bloody spars and careful, loving admonishment. She remembers the Team 7 without Sasuke, remembers the Team 7 where it was just her and Kakashi for three long years. Remembers Sai and Yamato, sets aside her guilt for not visiting them in far too long, remembers Naruto’s grin and Sasuke’s smile.

They loved her. She loved them.

Can she love herself?

set after the war. sakura becomes hokage and shes good even though shes traumatized and not moving past it (bc shes trying to live the lives her teammates shouldve had) open ending but i choose to believe she takes to wandering the lands and going back into medical things while learning how to live her own life for herself and no one else :’)

Sense Memory by KuriQuinn

ship: sasusaku // word count: 3501 // chapters: 1/1

She’s not breathing, or showing any signs of life, and that worries him.

takes place when sarada is a baby. almost all of it is a flashback to smthn that took place in their baby days and it’s all in sasuke’s pov. the non flashback bits are soft and slice of life-esque. warnings for near death and drowning in the flashback and implied ns/fw near the very beginning and the very end

Coming Undone by Dovey

ship: none // words: 3643 // chapters: 1/1

The Uchiha Massacre is world-famous within weeks. The homicide of the Haruno family, in comparison, is a barely a blip on the radar- another case of personal drama with an unfortunate end. Sakura, the only survivor of her family tragedy, tries to grow up normal, chasing after boys and running away from nightmares.

She doesn’t grow up normal.

au. she’s a bamf with trauma babey!! she uses battle axes and hammers and her summons are tigers which is cool as shit. loss of morality and unquestionable loyalty is always so interesting. warnings for gore, death, and drug use

Sakura’s Plants by ba262

ship: none // words: 3704 // chapters: 15/15 // updated: 3/8/19

Sakura was given Ukki-kun the day she was officially left behind by team 7

set throughout timeline. a story told in parts surrounding the plants in sakura’s life. no dialogue! i love sakura so much and my heart hurtsss,, we get to see more of her reaction to being left behind by her team and im in PAIN!! shout out to sakura’s newfound support group. short chapters and a nice short read! idk how to describe it but the writing flows REALLY nicely

Pinpoint by CountessCzan

ship: sakura & shisui // words: 3792 // chapters: 1/1

Shisui takes care of a child named Sakura for a mission once. Sakura never lets go of him after that.

set when shisui is a genin post-war. sakura is a cute little baby and im sobbing at the picture this fic paints. I LOVE SHISUI A LOT he’s so soft im really tender

Stars Exploding by blesseth

ship: sasusaku // words: 4098 // chapters: 1/1

Don’t get Sakura wrong, she was happy she and Sasuke were becoming friends, following everything that had happened. Ecstatic even. But hell, did he have to be on her mind all the damn time?

set post war. BYE i had the cheesiest grin the entire time i was reading this. just a cute little pre-relationship type fic and i love the little team 7 as family things sprinkled in. just another good light hearted fic to break up the serious/plot focused fics

Sharkman and Cherrygirl by The_Floating_World

ship: none // words: 4245 // chapters: 1/1

Newly five Haruno Sakura joins her parents on a merchant trip, has a life-changing encounter, and gains a new goal.

YES BABEY!!! i love my little fearless to the point of just plain idiotic girl!! there’s a surprising amount of fics where kisame becomes a bit of an inspiration to my number one fave and i love all of them! more fuel for my love of sakura who focuses more towards her water aspect// anyway! my little baby is just in desperate need for a mentor figure/someone she can base herself off of bc shes a shy little things whom i love more than life itsself aa GOD the way she gets absolutely star eyed the moment she sees kisame has my heart in fits. i absolutely support my little murder kid and her life goals to be Just Like That (read the notes)

Warmth by kosmeja

ship: narusasusaku // words: 4296 // chapters: 1/1

In which Naruto has a nightlight, Sasuke is afraid of the dark and doesn't want to admit it, and somehow, Sakura is the perverted one.

Or: Team 7 have a brief conversation in the dark.

au. not to sure where this is timeline wise, but sakura is a chunin. they love her so much, yeah im crying about it. they just want her to feel good about herself and that theyre there to support her and im sobbing rn i love team 7 so much

House Upon a Rock by KuriQuinn

ship: sasusaku // words: 4311 // chapters: 1/1

She sort of considers herself the last resort, the one to pull him through; it never really occurs to her that she’s the one that could fall.

yeah!!! literal and metaphorical support!!! sakura is so good here i love her. shes just a kid and she wants to be able to support her teammates even if that means literally carrying them after they pass out from exhaustion. i super love how kuriquinn writes ss interactions and this fic is no different aa (also i cant believe he never gave her the spar she asked for :/) can be read as platonic if you want! it’s mostly onesided any way

Sakura of the Red Sands by Dovey

ship: gaasaku // words: 4811 // chapters: 1/1

Sasori hates Hatake Kakashi. He meets a young girl with reason to hate the man too, and finds the perfect opportunity for revenge.

If he accidentally builds a family along the way, well. He always was exemplary at exceeding expectations.

au. sasori never defected. set roughly around chunin exam arc. sasori is an asshole as per usual and accidently becomes sakura’s pseudo older brother figure? it’s actually super endearing how proud of her he becomes and how much he starts to root for her sjdndk though it is a Little unnerving here and there and there are parts where sasori is noticeably less normal than the average person. also MOKUTON SAKURA!!!!! she’s op and meets gaara and they click and this whole fic is maybe a little weird but mostly interesting (also the author notes are good please read them!!) warning for maybe questionable levels of attachment? oh also a kind of coerced amputation!

⭐Into the Water by BasicallyAnIdiot

ship: none // words: 5192 // chapters: 1/1

Sakura had always loved the water.

set throughout timeline. i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again but i love when people write sakura as someone who leans more towards her water aspect and this is one of my favorite fics that show that. my girl is connected directly to tobirama nd while he’s actually a bastard, this fic single handedly made me have a reluctant soft spot for him. plus she follows directly in his footsteps and invents jutsus too (god i love her shes so smart and cool) plenty of little spots about love that make me tender. god i love this fic so much and my girl kicks ass 100/10

Parsley Seed Goes Nine Times to the Devil by Mook_aron

ship: none // words: 5445 // chapters: 1/1

Slow to grow, quick to sprout, parsley seed goes nine times to the devil

When she’s six, a man murders her family.

The man is tall, and his features are burned into her mind. She won’t forget him- she won’t let herself forget him.

root sakura au! changes her whole childhood and perspective on village loyalty. kind of poetic and nice to read despite the dark themes. sai is there!! not a lot but he’s there and i love him. i hesitate to call this team as family bc it’s only just starting to develop but you can feel the potential! part 1 of a series i hope continues aa// warnings for emotional abuse, blood, mentions of gore, and murder

⭐Most Girls, or, the one Where Sakura Grows up and Gets a Fan Girl Along the Way by theformerone

ship: none // words: 5869 // chapters: 1/1

In the years between Naruto’s departure and return, Sakura develops.

Aggressively.

She also gains a second shadow.

set throughout timeline, starts immediately after naruto leaves. YEAH BABEY!!! BAMF SAKURA!!! she gets so fucking cool and she trains with team 8 and team gai (and gets close w the rest of the konaha 11 in general)!! she gets the muscles that she deserves that could only aid the fighting style tsunade taught her (and that she deserves in canon ugh) and she turns into such a powerhouse and people love her and it’s what she deserves (also sakura takes moegi under her wing and they’re good for eachother im crying ajdjdj this fic single handedly made me love moegi)

tag along fic: That Girl Thinks She’s the Queen of the Neighborhood (i got news for you! she is!) by theformerone

same au but all from moegi’s perspective and BOY OH BOY I RELATE. she’s got a huge fucking crush on sakura and it’s cute and sakura is teaching her how to kick ass and it’s inspiring *chef hand kiss* (word count: 6624)

I Won’t Go Down, Your Blushing Bride by felinedetached

ship: inosaku // words: 6186 // chapters: 1/1

(Three things come after that:

1. The moment of realisation. The moment she realises Sasuke’s left the village, gone off to do who knows what with Orochimaru-

2. Her memory returns to her - she was useless against her teammate; taken down by a pressure point and unable to do anything to prevent him from getting at it.

3. Inner rages, throws herself around, cursing and screaming until finally, finally she calms and she says Uchiha Sasuke is a traitor.)

In which Sakura gets the character development she deserved.

set throughout timeline. sakura basically gets adopted by every shinobi adult and it makes my heart so happy. not a lot of plot (minus that bit near the end), but so much depth!! she really does get the character development she deserves. she grows up scary and so op and inner is still there and she dates ino and theyre so soft im crying

Is the Real Over There More Vivid Than Here Ever Feels by falterth

ship: hinasaku // words: 6366 // chapters: 1/1

The healing process is slow.

set some time after the war. i hate this fic SO much it left me ugly crying. fucking NARUTO dies?????? naruto is eternal he's not allowed to die,, okay but aside from the fact that im in my feelings, this fic is so good in how it deals with grief and coping and other such things of dealing with the death of a loved one and how "coping" by ignoring/forgetting the emotions isnt actually coping. warning for death and therapy and a teensy bit of victim blaming? (it gets worked out tho!)

Ain’t no princess in this tower by atomicmuffin

ship: sakura & tenten // words: 6448 //chapters: 1/1

Boys are idiots. Ninja boys are idiots with deadly weapons, and it's the kunoichi's privilege and duty to call them out on their bullshit.

Or: how Tenten becomes the Konoha equivalent of a coach for kunoichi completely on accident, mostly because of her pathological inability to let shit go.

set after tsunade becomes hokage (au where sasuke doesnt immediately leave) tenten’s pov! oooo we love a girl who supports girls! she helps sakura treat her teammates like normal people who mess up and are really just dumb boys. BIG fan of fics where tenten takes up a mentor/older sis position for sakura bc she holds a really soft spot in my heart. oof im so proud of my girl’s development im really crying about it

⭐Sing as Their Bones Go Marching in Again by felinedetached

ship: inosaku // words: 6929 // chapters: 1/1

Instead, it goes like this: Haruno Sakura is the daughter of two civilians, from civilian families. She is nothing and no one—smart, yes, top kunoichi, yes, but she will never be on par with clan kids. She is teammates to an orphan powerhouse from a dead clan and the last remaining Uchiha.

Haruno Sakura is nothing and nobody, but she breathes and grows and thrives and the forest thrives with her.

(She opens her eyes to wood, grown from nothing, and Hatake Kakashi stares in disbelief at the tree where his student used to be.)

Or, Haruno Sakura should have had the goddamn Mokuton and this author is mad.

set throughout timeline. this fic has me FOAMING at the mouth!!! MOKUTON SAKURA!!! SENJU SAKURA!!! HASHIRAMA PARALLELS!!! SHE’S A BAMF AND OP AS SHIT!!! TSUNADE ADOPTS HER!!! INO IS HER GIRLFRIEND!!!!! i could sing my praises for this fic all day and still not be finished ahxndkek everything is so good, every little detail (like choji and kiba taking up healing) is so fucking delicious PLEASE read, im BEGGING

For Want of Freedom by ThroughtheMirrorDarkly

ship: sakura & team 7 // words: 8908 // chapters: 1/1

Haruno Sakura may seem like she is destined for being a paper ninja, that her choice in this career was a flight of fancy or all based on a fangirl crush. The pink haired girl had no delusions about the life she had chosen, but she would rather die as a ninja then to be bled dry as a slave to her family. Lies and deceptions have built the world around her and Sakura is ready to tear it down, grabbing freedom with both hands.

au. starts off when team 7 first tries to get the bells. sakura’s entire family and backstory is altered and abusive. budding team as family and maybe even actual family between naruto and sakura? *winkwink* some implications of a heavy plot but it doesnt go anywhere and there’s no plans to continue it! warnings for abuse, child experimentation, and mentions of blood

Walk Forward, Don't Look Back by teslatempest

ship: hinasaku // words: 9311 // chapters: 1/1

After the war, Sakura is exhausted.

She decides to make a change.

set post war, some of my favorite types of fics! she goes on a literal road to recovery and it makes my heart so warm because i love her so much and i just want her to be happy and this fic makes me melt///// the hinasaku is only implied once so dont get your hopes up BUT!!! sakura makes narusasu happen and i really said aww out loud in the dopiest voice when sasuke kissed his cheek,, my favorite parts are easily when shes thinking/talking about her emotions bc im a sucker for that good good introspection! warning for mentions of trauma i guess? none of it is all that bad it’s just a good coping fic

Thank You for the Meal by theformerone

ship: narusaku // words: 9876 // chapters: 1/1

Tsunade tells him that the best way to a woman’s heart is through her stomach. Naruto leaves Sakura snacks.

au! not anywhere near as shippy as the tags and description imply? lots of little odd ships like brief mentions of nejisasu nd hinakarin (which has a bit more focus). not very sakura centric but damn beautiful regardless so im keeping it here. actually really fucking emotional with a huge focus on uzushio and the uzumaki clan. made me cry 10/10

⭐Hounds Follow Those Who Feed Them by dragonyfox

ship: narusasusaku // words: 10597 // chapters: 3/3

Kakashi knows when to outsource training, but he also knows that only he can teach them some things.

little bits and pieces of their lives before the last chapter in the first part of this series :(( my heart is soft and full of sadness **READ THE FIRST PART OF THIS SERIES** it’s a hound will die for you but never lie to you and i have it listed a little further down

⭐The Sound by LadyKG

ship: none // words:13231 // chapters: 4/4

They lost. Completely. Totally. Lost. They thought it impossible, that the fates would reject this outcome for tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. They have been punished for this belief. And for that, she will go back. Sakura-time travel AU

set post war. INCREDIBLY disorienting. really good to read when you’re existing a little to the left. im not a huge fan of time travel fics but holy shit?? this fic really is something else/ sakura needs to keep obito alive while dealing with hallucinations(?) of her family from her timeline. this is really fucking good actually and she kills danzo and ive got the second part here further down. warning for death

Gallant by Crunchysunrises

ship: sakura & itachi // words: 14890 // chapters: 3/3

On the day that he makes genin, Itachi sees Sakura. It changes the course of his life.

starts when itachi is a genin and sakura is a tiny little baby. non mass. very itachi centric but sakura is such a pivotal part of his life. itachi truly deserves better (it’s friendship!!! itachi is traumatized and dependent)

The Fury by LadyKG

ship: none // words: 15711 // chapters: 4/4

Sequel to 'The Sound'. She needs to keep moving, looking forward and fixing the problems of the past. If she doesn’t the world might just fall apart a second time. Sakura time travel AU.

sequal to The Sound (above somewhere)(read that one first ofc). just as confusing and disorienting as the first one! i love love love how the flashbacks are written where theres no discernible break between past and present. also i didnt mention it in the summary of pt 1 but yamato is so cute! im glad he’s getting better things (same goes for itachi!). warning that things kinda loop and it really is a little disorienting. like whole paragraphs repeat. warning for death too

The Lessons Change by exarite

ship: none // words: 17529 // chapters: 5/5

In another world, Haruno Sakura is known to be the best medic-nin of all time, renowned for her surpassing of her master and with a fearsome reputation for her strength and medical feats.

This is not that world.

aus. bundle of oneshots where sakura gets different teachers and how that changes things. (notes in the first chapter highlight the little issue i have w how sakura developed under tsunade) read the summaries and notes (beginning and end) for info abt the chapter! heavy warnings in chapter 4 for gore, emotional manipulation, blood, and experimentation. also in chapter 2 sakura has a childish crush on shisui and in chapter 3 theres a single line where he implies smthn

⭐Your Childhood Home is just Powder-White Bones (and You'll Never Find Your Way Back) by Dovey

ship: none // words: 24367 // chapters: 11/11

Sasuke is not the only one who worries he's getting too comfortable in his genin life. Itachi decides to add another motivator to Sasuke's revenge plans by kidnapping the teammate who wasn't a charismatic Jinchuriki. Sakura is used to being an objective for those around her, not a person, but even for her this is a little much.

In which Sakura is held captive and learns what a genjutsu specialist can do to a person's mind, that sharks can actually make great friends, joins a dying clan, and gets regifted multiple times before she's finally strong enough to fight back.

starts off when theyre genin. itachi is unhinged and sakura gets the short end of the stick :( LOTS of trauma. my girl gets really messed up and learns a lot of things purely to survive and has a loose grasp on reality. kisame isnt a good guy (read the notes at the end of chapter 10!) but he gives her sharks which is cool. kabuto is bad and so is orochimaru and kimimaro makes me sad but thats all par for the course. sakura gets some sick water things and also tsunade gets to be there and sakura makes her own family. warnings for torture, gore, dissociation, general loss of reality, blood, and death

⭐Survival of the Fittest by cywscross

ship: sakura & shikamaru // words: 24790 // chapters: 1/1

Sakura is thirteen, still a Genin, lost in the middle of Earth Country, lugging an unconscious Chuunin around, and so far beyond scared that she’s moved right on to pissed off.

au. naruto i love you but jesus christ. bamf sakura and shikamaru just trying to survive so they can get home and hopefully rip naruto a new one. really really cool to read abt shikamaru and sakura being smart and working together and plenty interesting bits of introspection. god this fic is just so good and the slow deterioration into kids just trying to stay alive while having nothing but each other and developing unhealthy codependency as a result is so damn interesting. also i cried 10/10 they care about each other so much

⭐Being Over-Prepared is Impossible (and other mottos) by Pleasedial123

ship: none // words: 40071 // chapters: 15/15

In one world, Kakashi awoke, felt grieved at being assigned a team he sees his own in, and he let that grief make him a lazy teacher. He saw himself in Sasuke, Obito in Naruto, and Rin in Sakura. He woke, saw himself in them, and took a large step back, regretting accepting them as his new team. In another world he was quite hands off, merely a watcher because it was so very painful to watch. He saw himself and all his mistakes in this new team of his.

In this world, Kakashi awoke, saw the similarities, and instantly panicked. He suddenly realized what he had done, passing a team. Kakashi was left scrambling not to repeat old mistakes and regrets. This team would not suffer the fate of his team.

In this world, simply put, Kakashi became a teacher. This is the starting of a new Team seven.

set early genin days. TEAM AS FAMILY BABY!!!!!!!! theyre all babies and dumb and reckless but theyre in it together! not as sakura centric as other fics on this list but her development into essentially team leader is so so good!! kakashi loves his kids so much aa

can be read alone but theres a sequel!: Surviving is the Same Thing as Winning (words: 22492 // chapters: 11/? // updated: 2/9/19)

⭐A Hound Will Die For You, but Never Lie to You by dragonyfox

ship: narusasusaku // words: 41065 // chapters: 9/9

Kakashi caught his breath and pretended like he was just thinking about what to say. His dogs saw through it. “I’m thinking of having my team sign the dog contract.”

Pakkun nodded thoughtfully. “That might piss off some powerful people, boss.”

au! (chapter title is the pov) starts somewhere post wave and pre chunin exam. sakura is kakashis favorite and it really makes me wanna cry when fics do that PLUS SHE GETS A HUGE FUCK OFF BATTLE AXE BABY!!!!!!!! they get different developments!!! sasuke gets to be the medic and im really happy about it because he seems sO HAPPY!!! also they get cute dogs and it’s all very sweet. developing themes of team as family which im a sucker for plus developing poly t7 (pining sasuke!) which im REALLY a sucker for aa it was such a happy fic but WOW that last chapter takes no prisoners warning for super brief mention of rape and there’s major character death in the last chapter :(

⭐Samsara by KuriQuinn

ship: sasusaku // words: 54177 // chapters: 8/8

Sakura’s words die in her throat as the man’s eyes shoot open, and the coldest red irises she has ever seen meet hers. She is hit by a wave of terrifying certainty about two things right then – that she knows these eyes better than any other and that, if he wanted to, this man could stop her heart with just a look.

set during their travels. FINALLY!!! the parallels of three that ive been needing my whole ass life!! also sasuke is doting and worried and it’s cute. super fucking interesting and half of it takes place during the Ootsutsuki time (aka naruto & sasuke’s first incarnations) warnings for nsfw and some weird loss of identity/time stuff? it’s a great fic though, easily one of my top faves

⭐A Girl in the Forest of Moss and Bone by theformerone

ship: none // words: 65665 // chapters: 6/6

Katsuyu spits acid in her eyes, and Sakura must prove herself worthy enough for the slugs of Shikkotsu Forest to heal.

Or, it doesn’t translate to ‘damp bone forest’ for nothing.

IF THERE’S A FIC WHOSE SERIES ID RECCOMEND IN ITS ENTIRETY IT IS ABSOLUTELY THIS FIC. IF YOU LOVE SAKURA (AND SLUG SAGE SAKURA ESPECIALLY) PLEASE READ THE BALLAD OF THE SLUG SAGE SERIES. IT OWNS MY WHOLE SOUL. guhh sakura is so adorable in the first chapter (kakashi.. choke) GOD. the fucking uhhhh worldbuilding??????? its Actually my favorite thing aa op’s writing style makes me wanna cry it flows so smoothly and it’s so clever and makes me laugh and keeps me enthralled and FUCK sakura IS SO FUCKING COOL AAAAAAAA /// she loves learning and she loves the world and the world loves her and MAYBE im screaming about it. and i LOVE that this fic leans into how nature is ever changing and always moving and a constant balance like it really makes me choke on love.. her friends love her lots :((( warning for blood and mentions of death. im BEGGING you guys to read the rest of this series.. my girl is worth songs :’)

Broken Glass by Emma_Raye

ship: none // words: 68800 // chapters: 29/29 // updated: 11/6/18

Naruto and Sasuke left Sakura pathetically broken, but like any good shinobi she put the pieces back together the only way she knew how: relentless training. Years later Konoha is in the midst of a war and Sakura is a force to be reckoned with. Frankly, she's not even sure if she wants her teammates back.

au. starts during the early parts of tsunades training (with a timeskip) sakura has a lot of feelings of abandonment and im proud of how much shes achieved! shes in anbu and a diplomat (theres a war going on) and she stands on her own two feet! shes got a weird relationship w morality and starts questioning the way things are run.. also she holds a lot of resentment towards naruto and sasuke but it gets worked on throughout (and they become a team again!!!) im not a fan of how they treated her like shes something to be protected however briefly. sakura needs a mental health lifetime but god damn if she isnt smart and OOF the poetic cinema of it all,, warning for blood, death, and major character death

Home is Where the Heart is by deeppoeticgirl

ship: sasusaku // words: 100849 // chapters: 26/26 // updated: 12/20/18

And with every moment together, they get just a little closer, a little more comfortable with each other. Fall a little more in love.

set post war. okay listen. barring morally repulsive ships (kksk, itsk, mdsk, etc.) any sakura ship makes me happy if it’s healthy and loving even if i dont like the ship (like i dont care abt shikasaku and canon ss is SO bad i still cant believe it happened) THAT BEING SAID. this fic is cute and sasuke cares a lot and op wrote him so emotive and i love the little family he became a part of on his trips and sakura is a lovestruck fool (which still has me gritting my teeth bc it doesnt idk. Fit with the rest of her personality) but it’s cute if second hand embarrassing,, honestly this fic is so ooey gooey and full of cheesy love and it’s damn near too much (how many times can a person blush.. like fr..) and theres annoying bits of needless drama and lack of communication but im stubbornly holding onto this fic bc i LOVE the character study type route this fic takes/// (this fic is like. really dramatic.. thats a warning in and of itself and i mean like telenovela type dramatic emotion and subtext. not plot twisty dramatic) warning for violence, mentions of blood, and nsfw

Follow the Sun by LaceyJane

ship: gaasaku // words: 106341 // chapters: 21/21

Stranded in the desert, without food, water, or her supplies, Sakura decides to head west to the land of shifting winds and scorching sands. It hasn’t even been a year since the wind nation had tried to overthrow her city, but she knows of someone out there, someone who, above anyone else, holds the best chance of finding her in this barren land. Able to only hope her attempts to raise attention aren’t in vain, she sets off across the sands towards the west, intent to follow the sun.

not super positive where in the timeline this is (or if it’s an au) but if i had to hazard a guess id say between sakura being taken on as an apprentice and before sasuke leaves. starts off w sakura by herself traversing through a desert with the clothes on her back. she suffers before she gains but at least it’s not for long (Well..) also can i say that i LOVE worldbuilding and i LOVE how different aspects of suna were protrayed here. like the scouting and political things (sakura being the hokages apprentice and how shed be treated in other villages) and temari in general? ugh! theres focus on gaara and how he’s coping with his demon too plus he’s just kinda cute in this fic. warning for violence, the general bad things that happen while unprepared in a desert, and the q slur except it’s not used in regard to gay ppl in any way. nothing is romantic so it can be taken as friendship if it’s what you’d prefer!

⭐Time Flies Like an Arrow by Katlou303

ship: inosaku // words: 240288 // chapters: 36/36 // updated: 2/1/19

Sakura traveled back in time with the intent of changing everything, but something went wrong, and now she's four years old having nightmares about impossible monsters and losing friends she has yet to meet.

time travel fic!!!!! oh my heart is soft :( starts off when theyre tiny kids and sakura stands up for naruto (childhood friends!!) sakura’s memories of her prev timeline come to her in dreams (pretty intense for a kid to be having.. ily kagami:( ) SHISUI AND GENMA ARE THERE!!! ILY BABIES,, shes literally so baby and small and full of love for her friends :((((( shisui is fanastic and also a mess, baby sasuke is the cutest, itachi deserves better, sakuras family has me weak as hell theyre so perfect, and inner sakura in this fic is prev timeline sakura (who is so fucked up holy jesus) tsunade gets a new family member and oh fuck gaara is so cute and same goes for tenzo AND BONUS MOKUTON????? the ocs are really interesting and good and i love them (the word count is a little inaccurate bc theres parts at the end of the chapters themselves that are more like authors notes) warning for trauma, flashbacks, blood, gore, death, implied child abuse (never happens but it gets mentioned a lot), and major character death (kagami… :( ) GUYS I JUST REALIZED IT ENDED ON MY BDAY

IN PROGRESS

Grit Your Teeth (and Smile) by kattenprinsen

ship: none // words: 1423 // chapters: 2/? // updated: 8/1/18

Sakura is an immigrant. Her father is an immigrant too.

au. okay okay this is a pet peeve of mine with canon itself bc sakura was team seven’s token “has parent’s that are alive and support her” except that was genuinely never shown?? we know Nothing substantial about mebuki and kizashi and their relationship with sakura and fsnsksnk im ranting. this fic is nice and yeah there’s not a lot happening so far but i love the depth op is giving to sakura’s parents so much (and they are totally different from canon btw. theyre very good ocs and her dad is a missing nin from mist with sharp teeth aaa) (sakura is also a little bit of a bamf as a result of her parents and im crying about it)

Was That Your Voice or Was That Me by grit

ship: sakura & sasori // words: 1528 // chapters: 1/5 // updated: 10/9/18

Sasori takes Sakura on as an apprentice out of boredom and keeps her because she has potential and he is pragmatic to a fault.

Spontaneity doesn't suit his plans though and Sakura has her own opinion on murder, so it goes about as well as you'd expect.

au where this story take free reign of the timeline. sasori meets sakura when shes a little kid and takes a shining to her potential (as everyone should...). kinda fucked up tbh! at least a little bit! warning for murder and emotional manipulation. the only chapter seems to just be setting up the rest of the story where sasori essentially changes her whole mentality

Tables They Are Turning (Bridges They Are Burning) by pg13

ship: sakura & team 7 // words: 1555 // chapters: 1/? // updated: 7/19/18

It’s not until she’s convulsing and the heat from her neck is spreading that she wonders if maybe she should’ve listened when her mother told her to reconsider being a shinobi.

set during chunin exam. SAKURA GETS BIT INSTEAD OF SASUKE. sasuke gets fiercely protective and learns of the incredible emotion called friendship. lots of promising things happen and then it gets cut off when it REALLY starts to get into it AAA/// i Know this fic is gonna be delicious

Skin is Just a Ready Made Coffin by ulittuq

ship: none // words: 2026 // chapters: 2/? // updated: 7/27/18

The night of the Uchiha Massacre is chaos. Alarms are blaring and shinobi are flying through the street and somewhere Sasuke Uchiha is waking up from seventy-two hours of psychological torture courtesy of his big brother.

Sakura Haruno hides under her bed with her hands clasped over her mouth trying to stifle her breathing and praying that the stranger prowling her house can’t hear her heartbeat.

(read author note at the beginning to see how the timeline is changed) some faceless guy takes advantage of the disaster on the night of the massacre and kills sakura’s family to help his mom(??) and that’s literally it! starts off balls to the walls!!  feeds into my feral love of the naruto civilians and how they might resent shinobi. i LOVE fics where civilians are the main focus and how they might be disenfranchised (especially in the hidden villages) as opposed to ninjas. theres not a lot of plot yet but it’s building up to smthn good!! i hope sakura keeps that little bit distrust towards shinobi and the system in her heart! blind loyalty to the state is unhealthy. warning for death, murder, gore, and panic attacks

Daisies and Lilacs by Pinnacle of Failure (Cromirn)

ship: none // words: 2487 // chapters: 1/? // updated: 12/5/18

She's always seen them. Sometimes they scare her, like every shadow to a child should. But there's something to them that she doesn't have, something that she doesn't want.

starts off early academy days up to when they meet kakashi. might not end up being a multi chapter fic. she sees things so im clocking her as psychotic in this fic bc same hat! not a whole lot in the way of plot but the writing style is neat!

⭐To Serve Man by Dovey

ship: none // words: 3090 // chapters: 2/? // updated: 3/19/18

Kizashi Haruno was a civilian man with a simple shop, from a civilian family of simple farmers; Mebuki Haruno was a missing nin from the land of Rain. Sakura took after both her parents.

“You owe yourself to three things, in order: the ones you love, yourself, and then your village.”

au. the rest of the summary is such a mood, i wish we got actual info about her parents :/ i LOVE this fic and i want more content about this universe because im nothing if not a sucker for sakura with a missing nin parent aaa,,, mebuki is so cool and sakura learns early on that blind loyalty to a village is not a good thing to cultivate. her morals are very based around earned loyalty and death bc thats what her mom knew (and i love and appreciate that she motivates sakura to aim for “flee on sight” if she were to ever end up in the bingo book) also kizashi is so sweet and supportive djefk warning for animal death and murder

I’ve Been Waiting my Whole Life (When I’ve Only Been Dreaming) by SheBeanSheep

ship: none // words: 3329 // chapters: 3/? // updated: 7/19/18

Before she was a boy-crazy fangirl, Sakura wanted nothing more than to be a good shinobi. Afterall, that’s what the voice, Inner Sakura, wanted. But Sakura just wanted to be Ino’s friend. So all of her energy went into making sure Ino would still like her, would still consider her a friend and a rival. So, Sakura bypassed the training scrolls of her childhood and picked up a hairbrush, shutting Inner Sakura away.

Then, Team 7 got the Wave Mission.

Then, Inner Sakura got a name.

Then, everything changed.

starts during wave. INNER BECOMES A SUBSTANTIAL CHARACTER HELL YEAH. and now shes actually mito uzumaki?? fucking legendary, nothing less than the best for my queen! mito kicks sakura’s ass into high gear and starts turning her into the bamf she was destined to be (though it hasnt actually gotten to that point ajdj i cant wait for future updates aaa)

Training Sakura by Kalira

ship: sakura & kakashi // words: 3601 // chapters: 2/? // updated: 11/25/18

Two members of Team Seven broke away on their own, and in the aftermath there remains only one thing to be settled. . . That one thing is not what anyone expected.

With Sakura as his sole remaining student, Kakashi settles in to train her properly, determined to help her achieve her ambitions as a ninja and become a great one.

set after naruto leaves. gai is a real one! yeah maybe i did start tearing up by the end of the first chapter. im emotional okay. also ive read so many fics where ino doesnt GET to be sakura’s best friend and it hurts me directly so this fic really makes me happy (bonus really short tag-along fic title Mistress where sakura gets a puppy aa)

Of Which Do I Change by Pinnacle of Failure (Cromirn)

ship: none // words: 3772 // chapters: 4/? // updated: 1/16/19

It starts and it ends in confusion. There never was a true destination in life, in what she was and what actually defined her. But one thing happened, and now she is someone, her name is on the lips of the Hokage and Clan heads and now they see who she is. Too bad she can't do that anymore.

But she takes pride in that. She has pink hair and green, useless, eyes. She is an anomaly in her own right, and that makes her strong, that makes her a terror in her own right.

starts off pre/early academy days. seems to be setting up to be a longer fic? interesting bits abt clan stuff! i do feel a little bad for ino :( sakura’s drive to have a name again is really nice to read and i KNOW shes gonna be cool as shit. not much in the way of a major plot insofar but still really good!!!

The Senju Whisperer by callmeportgas

ship: sakura & hashirama // words: 4754 // chapters: 2/? // updated: 11/14/18

In which Sakura comes to fully embrace the heritage her family couldn't, with some help from her imaginary friend.

au! MOKUTON SAKURA BBY!!!!! the story is only JUST developing but i can already see the building friendship between naruto and sakura!!!

Dont Think, Just Run by alicemc12

ship: none // words: 4806 // chapters: 5/? // updated: 3/10/19

Sakura was left behind after an ambush. Left for dead by mistake, until her life is saved by a young girl. With everyone believing her dead, Sakura is left to see the world from a different side. Without thinking, she runs away from the past she can't change and to a fate only she can control. Because it's just as a little girl said, the future will never be set in stone unless you let it.

starts off in oc pov. not sure where in the timeline this is but she knows how to heal by this point. COOL PLOT!! love the fate stuff and how much of a bamf sakura gets to be even though it's very ff.net-esque

Way of the Cherry Blossom by chadsuke

ship: none // words: 5422 // chapters: 16/? // updated: 9/8/18

Healing isn't a bad profession, Sakura knows. She could do well in it. But healing means that you're the one picking up the pieces, putting your teammates back together.

Sakura wants to stop them from getting hurt at all.

starts after sasuke “dies” in wave but before they go back to the village. shes a baby and wants to be able to stand beside the rest of her team. her family is so good in this fic! and so is kakashi even though he subjected her to gai. sasuke is cute too and naruto always is. theres some sentences that arent really jokes but are worded in such a fantastic way that i end up cackling. it’s all pretty lighthearted! warning for brief mention of death

⭐Salt in the Wound by Dovey

ship: sakura/oc // words: 6033 // chapters: 4/? // updated: 3/30/18

The Wave arc, except Sakura’s flimsy attempt at protecting the client results in her accidentally faking her death. Zabuza survives and takes her along with him as an apprentice, and she grows up in the harder but more emotional life of a nin on the run.

aka I have a lot ideas of how Missing-Nin would have a different culture than the rest of Naruto-verse, that would place a high-value on youngins’ in the trade given the rarity, and Sakura gets a lot of teachers over the years for the price of lots of emotional trauma & loss.

also, she gets a big fuck-off sword.

starts off during wave arc. ZABUZA I LOVE YOU. he takes sakura in because he’s a lonely missing nin who got used to caring for another person. sakura isnt as against the idea of staying with zabuza as she tries to pretend to be. also, GOD the reactions of the rest of the konoha twelve really really break me?? sasuke spirals faster and naruto gets essentially adopted by sakura’s parents? and kakashi gets fiercely protective. warning for death, animal death, and kinda graphic murder? also theres no actual ship even a little implied so far

Sharp by ineffableblue

ship: none // words: 6309 // chapters 2/? // updated: 3/12/19

Sakura has been teased, gotten angry for that, then gotten teased for getting angry. Everything she does isn't enough. But she's observant and slowly she starts to find out that she fits in better in the ninja world than she ever imagined. The best ninja are always thought to be something else and Sakura is a master at being mistaken for harmless.

starts when shes baby. sakura is full of rage and bottling it up like a molotov cocktail (and her parent are given depth which is great! but they kinda suck which isnt so great! it's a "tough love" sort of thing but it still rubs me wrong) i love and support sakura's desire to seek out knowledge on her own! and i am SO HAPPY this fic updated i could cry,, i KNEW the title and desc were familiar when i saw them at the top of the sakura fic tag one day and i yelled when i realized it WAS the same fic i had already put under left unfished// op if you're reading this know that im filled w love and support :')

Because I Ache by Wyle23

ship: narusaku // words: 6512 // chapters: 3/? // updated: 9/4/18

Ugly are the truths of the world. Hate's competitor can jail just as blindly. Focused otherwise, though, what changes would her shift in truth bring? In which Konoha's young jinchuuriki stumbles upon not a Hyuuga, but a Haruno.

starts when theyre babies!! little five year olds who deserve better (bby sakura id do anything for you.. :’() theyve got tiny crushes and theyre so cute i wanna cry about it. ino nd sakura stay friends (thank god) and GOD i want ppl to stop being mean to naruto :((

The Shadows Claim Us by Nine_Stoic_Crayolas

ship: gaasaku // words: 6586 // chapters: 39/? // updated: 4/21/18

"You don't want to go near that one." "Why?" "...She's damaged goods."

takes place in suna! (sakura is an iwa native!) (also i have.no idea how old they are. it’s mentioned at one point that sakura’s 4 but.. idk? if there?s time skips?? there’s just lots of bits that arent worded right for them to be 4 through the whole fic.. idk. gimme ur input actually idk if i wanna keep this) gaara takes a shining to her bc sakura also gets called a monster. bro these little gremlins are fucking pissed. imagine a toddler yelling “fuck!” at you but constantly. warning for general mistreatment of children and mentions of death and blood

Serendipity by stirringwinds

ship: none // words: 6751 // chapters: 2/? // updated: 10/24/18

Sasuke had never known Senju Hashirama in person, of course. But he had grown up hearing stories about the First Hokage at his mother’s knee—about the legend who had defeated the most powerful member of their own clan. Enough stories to recognise what he was seeing—and to know he was witnessing his teammate perform the impossible.

Or, in the fight against Gaara during Suna’s attempted invasion of Konoha, the Ichibi’s attempt to kill Sakura awakens an unexpected power. It changes the destiny of Team Seven forever.

MOKUTON SAKURA BABEYYY!!!!! largely sasuke’s pov. also they’re all stupid and it’s funny and i love them// im literally foaming at the mouth and excited to see where the story goes and im :pensive:

Warmth by PotatoeGoddess

ship: inosaku // words: 7135 // chapters: 5/? // updated: 4/7/18

Sakura Haruno was born screaming and kicking and in some ways, she felt, she kind of never stopped.

starts off pre/early academy days. sakura is full of strong emotions and same hat. there’s comphet and sakura has such a crush on ino. what a useless gay. that’s not really a focus in the story (more just consistently implied) honestly dont all together know whats going on! but that’s par for the course

What Happens After by stirringwinds

ship: narusasusaku // words: 8044 // chapters: 3/? // updated: 1/13/19

Sakura deals with her feelings once she can stop focusing on stopping the world from imploding. Just what exactly is her place in this world?

This is just a lot of Sakura can't deal with life right now.

set post series. lotta sakura introspection! she’s dealing with a lot of feelings of inferiority and emotions she doesnt acknowledge bc shes a disaster bi. i  actually cried bc her feelings towards her own self worth hit me with all kinds of feelings of catharsis. canon sakura really needs smthn like this. just a chance to recover :(.. warning for lots of poly ships if ur not into that

⭐Catharsis by pastanoodle

ship: none // words: 10198 // chapters: 5/? // updated: 8/16/17

Sakura isn’t the kind of person to survive past Genin. She wears pink, fights over boys, and can’t throw a Kunai to save her life. Which is why no one expects her to live very long. To Sakura, graduating from the academy is like a reality check. Being a shinobi is nothing close to how civilian romance novels make it seem. Sakura has always been terrible at stopping when she should. So she changes pink to grey, forces herself to ignore Sasuke, and learns how to shatter bones with a single punch. Screw surviving. Sakura knows she’s going to die, but she’ll go down fighting.

starts off a little before wave except!! the full wave arc never happens and everything changes!! inner becomes a substantial part of the story and im so glad for it. oh my god this fic is so good and i love all the author notes, theyre so delicious. sakura starts developing from a calm, quiet, and accepting girl. to a shinobi who is pissed off about the hand she was dealt with and goddammit! shes gonna do something about it!!! you fucking go, girl, live your dream of being in the bingo books i love you. this fic hasnt updated in a while and im so teary eyed about it, i hope it’s not being left unfinished. i refuse to put it under that category bc im stubborn and hopeful. warning for death and gore in the second chapter

Red With Clay, or Into Fire by grit

ship: sakura & team 7 // words: 10420 // chapters: 5/? // updated: 11/4/18

Headstrong, carrying her heart on her sleeve: Sakura is a smart and driven child who will fight for what's hers.

Or: Sakura gets a personality, Naruto some friends and Sasuke a childhood.

starts off during their litle genin introductions.TEAM AS FAMILY Y’ALL ALREADY KNOW! sasuke actually likes his team basically from the get go??? and sakura just wants her team to workout and they do! theyre getting there!!! oof!!!!!!!!

Breathe and Heal by Himechiiii

ship: narusasusaku // words: 11535 // chapters: 3/? // updated: 1/6/18

Two months. Two months had passed since the end of the Fourth Great Shinobi War. Two months and Sakura still hadn’t fully processed. Hadn’t fully healed. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now. I don’t know what my goal is supposed to be. You say that I’ve passed them, but it doesn’t feel like it. I close my eyes and all I see is their backs in front of me.”

Or in which Sakura realizes she is more than she thought she was, and lets herself be loved.

set post war. sakura gets well deserved time off of work to cope with things (and ino is real one :( please stop forgetting she’s her best friend) sakura loves her boys so much but god her inferiority complex makes me so sad

Promises by BombsAreForBabies

ship: none // words: 12376 // chapters: 8/? // updated: 10/29/18

It's her first kiss and Naruto's last. She promises him that she will bring Sasuke home. It's his dying wish, after all.

(Naruto bleeds out faster than the kyuubi can heal him.

Sakura learns that being a ninja is more than fancy jutsu and fun.

Sasuke does not know that he just killed his best friend and turned his most loyal comrade into his worst enemy.)

set after the first fight in the valley of the end. bamf sakura that deserves a break.. immediate warning for death :( kakashi and sakura connect in the aftermath and ino remains as the realest. sakura learns poisons from shizune!!!!! FINALLY!!! everyone cares about her a lot and that makes me happy but god can she PLEASE get a therapist

When I Grow Up I’ll Be An Avalanche (and i’ll grow up soon) by ulittuq

ship: none // words: 12900 // chapters: 5/? // updated: 12/10/18

A little civilian girl hears that genin are considered adults in the eyes of the law and she think yes please I need to get out--

The next week she starts the Academy.

Once a little civilian girl tells an orphan boy, God I wish I didn’t have parents, and she means it as a confession. A cry for help. The orphan boy hears selfishness spill from her mouth and snaps.

A little civilian girl, who has yet to see combat, wakes from nightmares gasping and clawing at her skin. No one notices.

au! naruto canon never gave us anything for sakura’s parent so fics like this own me! i like where theyre portrayed as abusive bc well canon doesnt disprove it! and projection. also. owns me inner also has more focus!! sakura just wants an out and she’s gonna do most anything to get there. also naruto love!! because he deserves it! warning for abuse (mentions of emotional and physical)  im super excited for more updates i like where the story is going!!

Mune Ga Hachikire Soude by clohsoo

ship: none // words: 15815 // chapters: 5/? // updated: 3/24/19

A deal is made between two devils and two girls share a demon.

HEY OP IF YOURE READING THIS: I LOVE YOU AND I SUPPORT YOU AND THIS IS SO GOOD TY FOR GIVING LOVE TO MY GIRL RIN,, au set mostly in rin's pov (i love the hobbies rin picks up, my little jack of all trades) danzo can still choke, sakura bby.. ily..:(((, ino is always amazing, and ANKO!! I LOVE YOU!!! OOF sakura's attempts at acting like a normal kid REALLY plucks at my heart strings// warning for child abuse bc root, death bc root, and trauma also.. bc root

⭐The Best-Looking Truth by Dovey

ship: sakura & team 7 // words: 17378 // chapters: 6/? // updated: 1/7/19

Sakura doesn’t like to talk about her family. Most people assume it’s because she’s a nice young girl, and she doesn’t want to make everyone else feel bad, considering she’s on a team of orphans.

It has more to do with the fact that she killed her parents in self-defense and is desperately trying to cover up the murders, than any sympathy for her teammates- but she’s happy to let you assume what you want.

did that summary give you whiplash? because it absolutely made me collapse. set just before the bell test. also starts off pretty fucking strong. shes a traumatized kid trying to compartmentalize on her own while trying to make sure no one finds out about what she did. also she’s really smart in the way she’s dealing with the aftermath. really interesting (at least to me) is how despite her parents no longer having a direct hold on her life, she still abides by their rules. warning for (past) child abuse, murder, and occassionaly descriptive gore. godd i really want more (there’s narusaku and some sakura/oc but i dont think theyre permanent? the narusaku definitely isnt bc it was mostly an accident but im not sure abt the sakura/oc)

Control by Dragonist

ship: none // words: 17816 // chapters: 14/? // updated: 6/8/18

Kumo kidnaps a child of Konoha.

Sakura graduates from the academy only a year after starting it. There's a war going on, and she's obedient enough to stay quiet and follow orders.

Then the war ends, and it's unclear who is really giving them.

au (read notes for the changes) starts pre academy. bro??? theres a war going on and im stressed at how young she is when she graduates.. sai ily..warning for death, blood, and uh. bad medical practices

If I Live by Lalit

ship: none // words: 18344 // chapters: 9/? // updated: 8/21/18

Every action has a consequence. It took one girl to screw all of Orochimaru’s plans up, and nothing will ever be the same. “Look at you, such bloodlust. Darkness is a lovely shade on you, my dear.”

set during chunin exam. ANOTHER SAKURA GETS BIT INSTEAD OF SASUKE FIC. a little slow going in terms of timeline i guess? no timeskipping so far. love the relationship between team 7 here (esp that one scene w naruto. u did amazing sweetie!) warning for death and gore and also sexual undertones when orochimaru is there. he’s a creep and op sells it.

Black Hole Heart by LadyNyxRavus

ship: none // words: 20017 // chapters: 5/8 // updated: 2/18/19

By all accounts, Sakura is dead for the first five minutes of her life.

Yet, she continues. If she occasionally has too many, too sharp teeth then that's their business.

OKAY SO. im NOT a big of crossovers but HEAR ME OUT. sakura gets a symbiote in place of inner and she eats people and naruto is a little more feral and sasuke is the closest thing they have to handlers. warnings for cannibalism, blood, and gore. this is up there as one of the most self indulgent fics on here

Throwing a Stone in a River by theroadkillcafe

ship: none // words: 20221 // chapters: 5/? // updated: 9/7/18

When Sakura graduates from the academy, she suddenly finds her head invaded by the ghost of Uchiha Shisui. Her inner is gone, but not forgotten, and she struggles with impulse control more than ever before. But also, Shisui gives a lot of unsolicited advice - useful and otherwise - and does not shut the fuck up. He’s not thrilled about current events.

warning for immediate mentions of suicide and drowning (and implied eye gore) set just after they graduated from the academy. sakura’s got some fun mental things to deal with now that shes stuck w the ghost and seeing them kinda everywhere. have i mentioned that i love shisui? he’s really good and helps sakura out with gratuitous amounts of snark. warnings for more eye gore, blood, nightmares, and torture

If You Can't Hold on, Hold on by Fiercest

ship: sasusaku // words: 20780 // chapters: 8/? // updated: 12/4/18

Sakura always wished she could relate to her teammates better. She wishes she could take it back.

In which Sasuke acquires some unwanted roommates and a team becomes a family.

set post konoha crush. TEAM AS FAMILY!!! almost immediate warning for death :( gh// her team cares a lot abt her and want her to be okay and sasuke is making effort into being a source of support (he’s baby..) theyre all pretty traumatized (and god fucking awful at dealing with it) (not shippy at this point!)

⭐Find Your Place (Whatever it Takes) by Dovey

ship: none // words: 22296 // chapters: 11/? // updated: 12/28/18

The war lasts longer than in canon, and has only just ended. While most of the 'Konoha 12' are clan heirs and thus protected from having to go to war prematurely, Sakura is from a civilian family, with naturally advanced chakra control, and thus is thrown immediately onto the frontlines. Now she's on a genin team in peacetime, and she's struggling to figure out how to live when she's not constantly at risk of dying.

Team seven bonds in new weird ways, The Uchiha are actually all dead except for Sasuke (including war-hero itachi) who's got a chip on his shoulder the size of Konoha, Naruto isn't the kyuubi container and he finds Sakura kinda scary. Sakura would just like to have a hobby.

au. my girl deals with trauma and t7 learn to get along eventually (and unhealthily?) i love sakura’s war team a lot and they care abt each other a lot too and GOD i love shit that focuses on the advantages clan kids gets for being clan kids and especially for being heirs!! it’s just interesting as hell to read!! sakura fosters her hate and distrust for the state and GOD is that ever a good thing (kushina :(..) we’re in this shit for a REVOLUTION!! IM SO HYPE!!! warning for violence and mentions of death

⭐Building the Puzzle by ich_bin_ein_stern

ship: narusasusakusai // words: 22716 // chapters: 4/5 // updated: 8/27/18

In which Sakura feels disconnected after the 4th Shinobi War and decides to cut the string attaching her to Team Seven, if only for a few years. This does not settle well with the remaining members, past or present.

set post war. FULL POLY TEAM SEVEN BABY!!!!! there’s not a whole lot of content for poly7 that includes BOTH sai and sasuke. it’s usually one or the other which already puts this fic in my good graces uwu ino bby i love you so much they’re so tactile and close and it makes my heart melt and she cares abt sakura and wants them both to be okay. im indulging my need for a sakura who gets to travel!! she loves her team so much but she really needs to love herself first. the rest of her team learns to better themselves and it’s really nice to read. also GOD i say it often but sakura is so cool (esplecially vs the suna elders aa)

Moments of Perfection by kiwi_socks

ship: narusasusaku // words: 22880 // chapters: 6/? // updated: 5/9/18

It's a dream Sakura's had many times before. Until it is rudely interrupted by Naruto and Sasuke mistaking her kitchen window for the front door.

"Hey...we failed in so many ways before, do you think we'll get something right, or just screw up again?"

okay im NOT much of a fan of timetravel fics but everyone should know by now that poly team 7 actually owns me. theyre all stupid together (it’s solidarity). poor kakashi. there’s some fuckery happening!! perhaps i yelled WHAT!? at my phone at least once

⭐Kubikiribocho, My Love by IslitaBonita

ship: none // words: 23231 // chapters: 10/? // updated: 7/22/18

Where Sakura becomes better acquainted with Zabuza's sword, Kubikiribocho.

set mostly during wave. interesting bits of sakura vs herself. budding relationship between her and gaara (murder friends) the writing style is SUPER cool! blood, unhealthy attachment, impalement, and death. ugh! when will this fic come back from war

Believe Me When I Say I Cary All My Sins by Honestly Neptune (mypennameishidden)

ship: none // words: 24287 // chapters: 5/? // updated: 12/20/18

Sakura knew the best way to tear a man's spine out of his nose without breaking a sweat.

She didn't know how to live in a village with Minato as Hokage and the Uchiha clan as the beloved police force. She didn't know how to live as a disgraced genin in a bloody apartment with dead men knocking at her door.

She didn't know how to forgive herself for failing Konoha. Now she had a chance to save it.

au. SUCH cool take on the timetravel trope!! sakura is just angry and tired and she’s gonna make this timeline work so help her god. i love shisui and i love that he gets to be a main character here aa. warnings for blood and general violence

Dandelions Blow in Spring by capriicious

ship: none // words: 24507 // chapters: 13/? // updated: 11/25/18

sakura is in the land of waves, the seraphic, beautiful place filled with religious and cultural beliefs. her team mate is lying in front of her, dead, cold and so, so white. her sensei is bleeding out while fighting zabuza. naruto is fighting against the odds of hundred of senbons.

(or: sakura watches her team mates get beaten half to death and bleed out next to her when the fight ends and with that event set in her mind: realises that she's going to die unless she toughens up.)

au but starts off in wave during the fight w zabuza nd haku so immediate warning for blood, gore, death, and a bit of an unhinged mind bc it’s sakura pov and this is traumatic. i recommend reading the notes at the beginning of each chapter for trigger warnings. it’s a heavy fic. interesting bits about merchant business and the dark side of the village. only BARELY connected to canon. pretty much through characters alone, the whole story is different

Cut the Head off the Snake by itsthechocopuff

ship: none // words: 24601 // chapters: 8/? // updated: 1/2/19

when eighteen-year-old, post-war Sakura is thrown back into her tiny, pre-Academy body, she makes a decision. she’d had a childhood once already, and this time, she’s more interested in Not Dying when the inevitable shit hits the proverbial fan. so she will work harder, care less, kill more, and smile when she’s done.

and hey, if she ends up reviving an extinct nature transformation to attract the most corrupt, power-hungry man from her timeline, all the better for her, right?

IM MENTIONED IN THE NOTES?? UH HELLO I LOVE YOU. timetravel fic! war fesh sakura gets sent back into her pre academy self. sakura is gonna make shit work this time around and shes gonna go through root to do it! MOKUTON BABEY!!! it gets changed from a kekkai genkai to a learned skill based mostly on amazing chakra control (which my girl has in spades!!) SAI AND SHISUI BBY I LOVE YOU// im in love with shin now too and god damn it i want all of them to be okay :’( warning for death at the hand of trees, mentions of blood, and the massacre

Seeds of Knowledge by Ice_Eagle

ship: none // words: 24845 // chapters: 10/? // updated: 3/15/19

It starts with an Academy internship at the Konoha Library and Archives. The only problem is the Library/Archives has never had an intern before. Ever.

Everyone is an idiot at the beginning. There is always room to grow.

set during early academy days. first person pov and it switches from characters. i dont usually leans towards stories with lots of ocs (especially where theyre a major focus) BUT they’re all so interesting plus UM? i LOVE the detail put into the libraries aaa// sakura gets to live her strongest book nerd life. also im a huge fan of the concept of internships in shinobi villages and just of the adults caring abt the kids following them in their career choices. also sakura starts getting along with sasuke and it makes me super happy

Our Oath (We’re Expendable) by amako

ship: none // words: 27194 // chapters: 5/? // updated: 3/1/19

Apparently, Sakura is the last Haruno.

set post war, more during the recovery period. sakura gets to be part of a largely not well known clan with a secret that could put sakura’s life at risk if it got out. dont wanna spoil a lot but basically! she gets married and has to deal with clan things and letting other know

⭐If You Have the Hounds by dragonyfox

ship: narusasusaku // words: 31856 // chapters: 8/? // updated: 1/10/19

...go ahead and pursue.

can i just say.. this fic series really rips out my heart ..there were several parts i started tearing up at bc im tender and im baby! they all love each other more than anything and im crying just thinking about it. they literally built a whole fucking village because naruto is a mad man but his team loves him. literally they’re playing the longest con ever and it has me cackling. this is a hell of a fix it fic and it has me bawling itachi is really soft and team taka is there! (the way uzushio is described makes my heart swell w love im so proud of them)

These Bitter Weeds by Katlou303

ship: sasusaku // words: 33315 // chapters: 8/? // updated: 12/2/18

Sakura begged Sasuke to take her with him when he was leaving Konoha.

He said yes.

set when sasukes leaves. she somehow manages to convince him to let her join? her reasons are about as solid as they could be. in the first chapter you can definitely where it’s starting to change into unhealthy codependency. it really shows in this fic just how young they are.. all their ideals are fantastical and grandeur and it really drives a nail through my heart :( ino continues to be a real one, kakashi is going through it, and im reminded that i love kimi :(( warnings for violence, orochimaru and kabuto, and dismembered limbs. nothing shippy insofar, can be read as friendship

seek by cloverhoney

ship: sasusaku // words: 39062 // chapters: 12/? // updated: 1/15/19

Sakura disappears after taking a lifelong mission in exchange for Sasuke’s post-war acquittal. To give her the upper hand over her new targets and protect her from becoming a target herself, the world is told that Sakura is dead and gone - but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Sakura quickly finds she is still not strong enough to face her new enemies, and she seeks power in Shikkotsu forest. Sasuke, suspicious of the circumstances surrounding her death, seeks the truth regarding her disappearance, reconnecting with his childhood friends along the way.

Kakashi, the new Rokudaime, promises to keep Sakura’s secret, but with Sasuke on his heels, a council hell-bent on erasing the evidence, and the guilt of an empty grave, nothing can stay hidden for long.

set post war/pre epilogue. TAGS SAY SAGE SAKURA BITCH!!! (AND MOKUTON BABEY) shes nice but dumb and thats just team 7 (shes their single brain cell.. how dare she :(((( ) fuck the council. fuck those elders. fuck blue lives mariah carey’s skinny. my only gripe is that shes written as having small chakra reserves nd low stamina and im like. hello? Absolutely Not. whatever parts her Legendary chakra control dont cover, her seal is still there. small reserves my ass. also taijutsu is Literally one of her specialties >:( this happens in fics so often and im *teeth gritting* (FUCK. ACTUALLY. SHE’S FRESH OUT OF THE WAR. SHES TOUGH AS SHIT BY THIS POINT. im angry and annoyed and sad!!!) lol read if you want though. there are some neat bits (like when theyre in shikkotsu forest) mentions of eye gore, death, and blood (t..tbh.. i ignored all the sasuke bits :V IM SORRY I ONLY THINK THE PARTS WITH SAKURA ARE INTERESTING)

How Team 7 Came to Be by spica_starson

ship: sakura & team 7 // words: 40916 // chapters: 5/15 // updated: 10/22/18

What if: -Naruto had reached out to Sasuke earlier on? -Sakura never developed a crush on Sasuke? -The team isn't just a repeat of their predecessor?

What if Team 7 stayed together through thick and thin?

Or: If Team 7 was the focus of the series.

sakura isnt in the first chapter BUT she still gets to be a focal point because of course and the second chapter is dedicated to her. y’all already KNOW im soft for team as family fics!! they’re all best friends and care about each other a lot and im really weak okay. also kakashi loves his new kids. not a cliffhanger! so dont worry if you’re not up for waiting on an update or are like me and prefer reading finished fics! (there’s a separate spinoff one shot, not canon to the original fic, titled Alone set when naruto and sasuke fight on the roof)

Crow’s Disciple by Tobi_Black

ship: none // words: 42135 // chapters: 36/? // updated: 12/9/18

Sakura's just a child, a civilian, considered harmless. No one looks at the pink-haired little girl and sees the kunoichi, the shinobi, that she could become. They don't see the calculating glint in her eyes, nor the claws hidden. They don't see beyond the shy smile and tears. They don't see the loyal heart willing to give everything for those loved. Not yet.

starts off pre academy w sakura nd naruto both in the same orphanage. UGH MY GIRL IS SO SMART and this writing style lends itself so WELL to detail ghghgh// sakura’s bestfriends continue to be blondes and ino fosters a baby crush aa. SHISUI BBY ILY (and asuma gets to be a prominent figure in sakuras life which i hadnt read in a fic before) warnings for violence, death, blood

⭐Dangerous Habits (Dangerous Girl) by Dovey

ship: none // words: 44210 // chapters: 24/? // updated: 11/21/18

After the disasterous mission in Wave, Sakura returns to Konoha with a new drive: she wants to truly earn her spot on Team 7, and be able to protect her teammates. Unfortunately, nobody else seems to be willing to support her new goal, so she resorts to teaching herself: she decides her team needs a medic, and since she doesn’t have the connections or record to earn a place at the hospital, she practices on herself.

AKA the fic where sakura gets to be as dumb and have as little regard for her personal wellbeing as every other Naruto character, & teaches herself how to heal by inflicting & then fixing her own injuries. This deals both with some major changes to the plotline given her new skills, and the overall team dynamic.

starts post wave. sakura gets that kick in the ass to get better and do it fast and she gets to be as reckless as her teammates like she deserves! no one helps her initially but god DAMMIT if shes not gonna do something anyway (flexing her smarts!! shes such a genius and yeah it’s chaotic as hell in this fic but god if it isnt cool) she gets a VERY unhealthy addiction to pain and has to deal with generally negative feelings of self worth.. BUT finds a pal and a friend in gaara :) she gets close to her teammates (sasuke bby… :(((..) and friendly w tenten and tsunade and anko! chapter 12 has a scene w cool imagery// HEFTY (and pretty immediate bc it hits u in the first chapter) warnings for gore, death, self mutilation, misuse of organs (lol), blood, implications of sexual abuse (doesnt happen, the adults are just concerned that thats whats happening and not her. yknow. doing all of uh That)

Unbreakable Company by Shyaway95 and teslatempest

ship: sakura & kakashi // words: 44407 // chapters: 4/15 // updated: 2/5/19

Naruto and Sasuke were gone. Their Village had just begun recovering from the invasion, and every available shinobi was needed. Kakashi knew it was his duty to serve, to leap back into the darkness of ANBU at his Hokage’s command. It was only the thought of pink hair and desperate green eyes that made him pause. Would he abandon his last, remaining student?

He would as soon pluck out his right eye.

They were all that was left of Team Seven and Kakashi was going to make them unbreakable.

set after sasuke defects. HONESTLY kakashi actually doing smthn about his “people who abandon their teammates are worse than scum” saying that he likes to repeat is everything i couldve wanted. sakura deserves all the support in the world and this fic REALLY delivers. this is also a REALLY good fic if you like kakashi and want him to be happy about something. team seven as family is real!! could easily be read as a one shot if you dont wanna wait for updates or read a longer fic!

⭐Early Summer Rain by orlha

ship: none // words: 50063 // chapters: 14/15 // updated: 3/5/19

Having parents doesn’t always mean it’s a good thing and just because scars can’t be seen doesn’t mean they don’t exist. The Chuunin Exams leaves Sakura an orphan and she doesn’t cry.

set post konoha crush. immediate warning for death. sakura has been through a lot and kakashi is a sweetheart. he’s still pretty awkward but his heart is in the right place! god sakura i love you much :((((( shes got a lot of trauma and feelings of inadequacy and it hurts me. sasuke is angrier and naruto continues to be amazing (and i love him for giving sakura smthn to strive for) AND GENMA IS THERE! I LOVE YOU GENMAAA (AND SHIKA)!!! sakura gets praised for her chakra control and god does she deserve it. kakashi gets a clan! and sakura finds herself a family! and inner stays! listen. this shit has me SOBBING. she’s on the road to recovery and getting better everyday and my heart is WARM!! god im so happy this story has me happy stimming at some points ghuhg// warnings for child abuse, mentions of torture, attempted suicide, self harm, relapse, violence, blood, and mentions of eye trauma. there is an ongoing “sequel” with aus based in the early summer rain universe!

Learning Curve by ishiryoku

ship: sakura & team 7 // words: 50529 // chapter: 5/? // updated: 1/14/19

This is the life she chose: the path of the shinobi. It's either roll with the punches or be left behind by her team—and Sakura's not about to let them go off on their own.

starts off during the end of the wave arc. i love the self analyzing in the first chapter and also that wake up call. in a better (more sakura loving) universe this is that turning point that we shouldve gotten :( ALSO CAN I JUST AAA!!! all the little times kakashi is there to reassure her make me wanna fucking BAWL plus this is THE team as family fic i’ve been needing in my life aa GOD sakura just loves her team so muuucccchhh// the tags say mokuton sakura and fuuinjutsu naruto but it’s not there yet! (also naruto get bit, yikes) warnings for lots of dissociation, death, self loathing, paranoia, and trauma

Satori (Between the Lines) by jaylene

ship: none // words: 50665 // chapters: 12/? // updated: 3/3/18

While attending the Academy, Sakura's field experience assignment with the Konohagakure Intelligence Division ends up being more valuable than she'd ever guess.

another fic w/ the concept of interns and adults fostering the growth of ninja kids before they graduate! my girl is constantly flexing her smarts and im so proud! (torune is just a baby who deserved better than canon gave him :() and GOD i love ino!! and so does sakura and she just loves her friends a lot and people in general bc her baby heart is so filled with love and OOF// the aburame are SO interesting im thankful for the focus they get (and the focus on ciphers and T&I and ibiki!) god theyre all kids. just little babies :((( warnings for bullying and manipulation (however unintentional, it doesnt negate the harm caused)

Ties That Bind; Break by Igot2peedou

ship: shikasaku // words: 50931 // chapters: 17/25 // updated: 8/25/18

She severs their ties, decidingly, not because of Sasuke. Well. Not for the reason Ino suspects (but Sakura never clarifies, and that is lying by omission. isn't it?)

~~~

Sakura Haruno can’t help but feel. Not only her emotions but other peoples emotions. She is always prone to crying and for good reason— she can’t shut others emotions and must deal with her own and those closest to her (relationship wise.) Because a painfully tragic incident involving her father’s murder Sakura can no longer handle her “gift” and does the only thing that will stop her suffering.

She commits social suicide, and lets her best friend think she ended their friendship over a boy. This is her story....

au. set when sakura starts her rivalry w ino. sakura can sense emotions??? warning for death mention in first chapter and wow okay thats a lot. sasuke is traumatized and it takes out sakura and oof! this story is so so interesting,, shes stumbling her way through figuring out how her small clan’s blood line(?) works (how it’s more of a hassle than anything) also it gives her a really good disposition to genjutsu which she tries to get better in (she also had an earth affinity plus all of team 7 have a petty rivalry going on) sakura has trauma and goes hard in the exams. warnings for blood, gore, disembowelment, dismemberment, animal and human abuse/death, the rivalry between t7 is baaaaadd,, also disorienting plot twist in chapter 16! 

Her Eyes Saw It All by ich_bin_ein_stern

ship: none // words: 63502 // chapters: 13/? // updated: 8/29/18

Sakura can’t recall much of the details regarding the mission in Wave, but what she does remember - there are scars left behind. The life she knows changes after this mission and, for better or worse, she accepts it and moves forward. She won’t allow herself to fall behind.

set during wave au. i love when characters continue to survive due to sheer instinct and pure stubborness. TEAM AS FAMILY!! theyre all so supportive of each other it makes my heart hurt (im soft serving it so hard. theyre SO nice to each other and theyre Actually friends and naruto and sasuke support sakura SO much it makes me cry) sncjf and the nara family is so fucking sweet also MOKUTON!! AND SHE HAS THREE AFFINITIES!!!!! (mokuton is changed here from a kekkei genkai to a learned skill tho) honestly it’s just what she deserves. also sakura is just SO level headed and smooth??? it’s really neat. warning for a healthy dose of death and gore in chp12, it picks up fast

In Death, Life by TeaFourTwo

ship: none // words: 136409 // chapters: 13/? // updated: 3/24/19

Only by reason of having died does one enter into life.

“Sakura. Just Sakura” Thats how they’d introduced her. She knew it was true, she was no longer a Haruno after all, but it didn’t stop the words from feeling like a dull knife in her side.

Or, Sakura goes to the Uchiha compound the night of the massacre and comes away an orphan with more questions than answers.

au starts when theyre babies!!! before ino nd sakura become rivals. baby sakura loves her friends a lot she didnt deserve that :((( super interesting bits tying sakura to the uzumaki?? sasuke.. :( .. sakura is traumatized and doesnt know who her family is and doesnt trust what people say to her (tenten is in the same orphanage as her! naruto too and i love him and i wanna personally hurt everyone who’s ever been mean to him) NARUTO AND SAKURA BEST FRIENDS!!! traitors are everywhere!! and the branch family get me feeling some type of way (can danzo choke.. fr…) the depth given to yin and yang chakra… ops mind…FUCK all the myths and spiritual stuff and how it’s all forgotten history?? UGH im in love/// (tsunade… mom..) warnings for the massacre, death, and blood

⭐Second Bite at the Cherry by Sakinthra

ship: none // words: 142249 // words: 41/? // updated: 3/25/19

There's been a storm brewing inside Sakura ever since Sasuke left to seek out Orochimaru, and the growing realization that she might not be half the shinobi her teammates are. She's always been the one that held back and let the boys finish the job, but it's clear she can't let herself be the weak one any longer. It's time to take her fate into her own hands...and it starts with breaking into a library.

set post sasuke rescue mission. i LOVE the introspection and worldbuilding im such a sucker for it// she gets to make rash and stupid decisions while still flexin her smarts and i am HERE for it!! she questions the state and adds skills to her arsenal (which is. tiny for a long time) shes smart and quick thinking but rash and impulsive so of course leaving the village and convincing ppl she went after sasuke is what she settles on (smh. her heart and heads in the right place bust smh) GAARA BBY I LOVE YOU SO VER MUCH (shukaku.....) (and fine.. i kinda love u too kakashi >:/) theyre a couple of dumb brats trying to help people (sai joins!!!!! his interactions w gaara especially are endearing) (hidan? is a prominent figure? i hate that hes one of my faves...... big fan of the depth given to his religion tho. it's super fascinating) BOIII NARUTO GETS DISILLUSIONED BY JIRAIYA AND GOES TO TSUNADE AND MY HEART IS BEATING OUT OF MY CHEST/// naruto's choice makes me wanna cry and sasukes little intermissions are pretty funny and get interesting (i support u karin!!) theyre dumb kids stumbling into politics and ending up going on a quest to save the world? the way all the pieces shift into place.. how the wheels start turning... the rest of the nine getting involved... poetic cinema.....warnings for death, blood, and decapitation

⭐Five Petals by PrecariousSauce

ship: sasusaku // words: 143900 // chapters: 22/? // updated: 2/6/19

Several things happen all at once in less than a minute’s time.

Sakura’s elbow slams into Sasuke’s side from an angle he doesn’t anticipate, sending him tumbling end over end off the branch.

Sasuke rights himself just a second too late and without checking where he’s going to land– When he does his knee twists, he feels a lightning bolt of pain shoot from his sole to his head, his leg gives out.

And Orochimaru’s teeth sink down to the gum in Sakura’s shoulder.

starts during chunin exams. timeline is followed pretty closely. fic is mostly centered around sasuke and from his perspective but sakura has the most pivotal change (:(). sasuke is cute, sakura is so in over her head, and naruto is naruto. sasuke loves his team a lot :(( and GOD i love when the kids act like kids even though that reminder hurts. sasuke takes up healing!! how cool is that!! AND TSUNADE IS SO FUCKING COOL I LOVE HER!!! and danzo should choke fr..... AND GOD DO I LOVE THE KONOHA 12//// warning for orochimaru, violence, death, and blood

⭐Hoshigaki by writer168

ship: none // words: 168116 // chapters: 32/? // updated: 3/10/19

When Sakura was three, her father told her he was a criminal. When she was seven, the last thing she saw of him was the sword on his back. When she was eight, she had a friend named Kiba. When they were twelve, they met Shino.

And when they were genin, they began to fight for the truth because they could no longer fight for the sake of Konoha.

au. sakura is kisame’s kid! kakuzu.. kinda sucks, konan is alright, pein is really dramatic, and sasori nd orochimaru are awful as per usual. kisame is just doing what he can to be a good dad :((( sakura is real smart and kiba is great and so is shino!! (ily baby) theyre all bestfriends and theyre all a little weird and i love them so much :’) theyre all manipulative little shits and i love them for it (and i love you too naruto) kurenai’s team develops dangerously (really starts to show in chapter 18) honestly this writing style really knows how to keep me absolutely enthralled (hiruzen and danzo.. i’ll kill you with my bare hands) i love kurenai and i love how much she cares abt her team :’( tenzo baby.. be there for them (same at you kotetsu) kisame is a good dad okay!! im not changing my mind on that! orochimaru can choke!!!!! team 8 is a family and theyre ride or die bc theyre really in some deep shit!!! i need the state dismantled and my kids are gonna do great. (bro im so fucking weak for all the world building and symbolism, GOD this fic is written so fucking amazingly) warning for young pregnancy, death, blood, gore, child endangerment, human experimentation, and eye gore/horror

LEFT UNFINISHED

Dirty Family Secrets by orphan_account

ship: none // words: 1431 // chapters: 1/?

Post-Sasuke defection to Orochimaru.

Something feels off about Sakura's parents, but before she can question them about it, they're both gone. She came from a family of civilians, there is no way both her parents were traitors, right?

Kakashi's Apprentice by Right2nowthen

ship: narusasusaku // words: 3440 // chapters: 1/1

In which Kakashi and Sakura hit the road and everything changes.

The Cherry Blossom Blooms Twice by Right2nowthen

ship: none // words: 3666 // chapters: 1/1

Who or what is Inner Sakura? As the fate of the world hinges on this question, Sakura seeks answers...

Today I Choose Joy by Nine_Stoic_Crayolas

ship: none // words: words: 5867 // chapters: 4/? // updated: 8/11/17

Sakura can See certain things. A story about a little girl, a couple of red eyes and Death.

The Company of Trees by theroadkillcafe

ship: none // words: 22646 // chapters: 5/? // updated: 6/7/17

Sakura is bullied, a dead kekkei genkai is reborn, and things go a little bit...differently.

Haruno Sakura and the Heuristic Method by MoofieLou

ship: inosaku // words: 41986 // chapters: 8/? // updated: 6/22/17

The flower that blooms last may catch the wildest wind of them all.

Alternatively: Sakura graduates from the academy, buys herself some anmitsu to celebrate, and arrives home to find her mother being beaten bloody by a thief. Things are different after that.

--

A heuristic method (/hjᵿˈrɪstᵻk/; Ancient Greek: εὑρίσκω, "find" or "discover"), often called simply a heuristic, is any approach to problem solving, learning, or discovery that employs a practical method not guaranteed to be optimal or perfect, but sufficient for the immediate goals.

set when the kids graduate. op retconned ino nd sakura rivalry and im thankful they stay best friends warning for violence in chapter 2. theres smthn i love abt blinding panic turned into survival instinct. sakura is prone to anger and i LOVE it!! also her family is fleshed out!! i love sakura so so much shes really snarky and smart (and she becomes kakashis fave! oof!!!) ggg team 7 getting along fills me with icky gooey love/// warnings for violence and blood. this fic hasnt updated in such a long time but it’s so so good and im hurt it left on a cliffhanger :((

Tempest by cywsaphyre

ship: none // words: 45233 // chapters: 6/? // updated: 7/20/12

Back in time and armed with years of future knowledge, Sakura is ready to take the world by storm. Except... she's four again, not twelve. Ah well, nobody said she couldn't start a little early. Gen, time travel, AU, Sakuracentric.

time travel fic but she baby! also oh FUCK my heart is melting naruto is baby and sakura wants her boys to be happy this time :’( and also ino is baby and i love her. GOD theyre all four years old and babies and sasuke is so cute and my heart huuuurrtss :’((((( my baby girl is so smart and she loves strongly and theyre all little brats acting like kids and im soft (team 10 feelings..) (and sakura is Literally preventing a massacre bc she fucking rules) MY TEAM SEVEN LOVE MUSCLES ARE FLEXING!! warning for mentions of trauma, mentions of kidnapping, blood, and death. this fic hasnt updated since 2012 though like.. *incomprehensible*

A Lot of Fight Left in Me by Stormwind13

ship: none // words: 73814 // chapters: 12/? // updated: 10/29/17

Sasuke deserted the village. Naruto is being taken away for his own safety. Sakura is left with the broken remains of her team and a teacher that's barely in the village, but she'll find a way to make this work. She has to, because all those lectures about teamwork had to mean something. Didn't they?

this fic hasnt updated in a while but it's so good :((( team 7 is in shambles and sakura just wants a teacher and to get better (i love iruka...) OH! and i love how close the konoha 12 are:) i love the little worldbuildy bits that give depth to the village. theres lots of ocs and a mini uzushio (that sakuras a part of!!) it's super interesting but hasnt updated since 2017 and i checked and this fic was the most recently updated fic op has :((((( it's still a good length and a great read but leaves at a cliffhanger which isnt as bad if you stop at the last break. warning for violence

[bbq-hawks-wings]

Deku!

I know it’s been a while, but this ask was in response to a post I put out asking others to give me characters from HeroAca other than Hawks to stretch my character analysis skills to see what theories, predictions, or just interesting observations I find. Because this is outside the realm of my usual character subjects and my style may not be well known in this tag - I ramble and am long-winded, hence the cut to not be obnoxious to scroll past. As a manga reader I won’t add any information past the anime’s run so far if you’re curious and want to hear what I have to say.

Deku’s an interesting character to look at in the series because compared to the way we find out about literally every other character, we outright know what he’s thinking or what he’s doing or how he’s feeling, so any development we see from him we pretty much see it coming from a mile away. He’s an open book.

In contrast, not many fans were able to see how Aoyama may have been struggling with feelings of inadequacy over his abilities - particularly in the Sports Festival Arc; and this became obvious with the license exam in season 3, but the point goes that while many fans saw it coming, there were those who weren’t able to read between the lines and saw him as a two-dimensional joke character meant to fill up the class roster up to that point.

We don’t really have that level of mystery or uncertainty with Deku. As the main viewpoint into the series and the world Horikoshi is building, we’re basically experiencing everything that’s happening vicariously through Deku. Yet, it’s not like there’s no room for theories, specularization, or characterization with his character. I’ve already said I’m avoiding spoilers so theories and most speculation are out of the question as I can only vaguely hint that there’s some potentially neat thematic parallels beginning to be explored in part through him, but that’s about as many of the beans I can spill without dumping out the whole thing.

I had some neat stuff to talk about before I actually sat down and started writing this and realized so much of it was spoiler-y; but at least in way of my opinions on Deku, I haven’t actively rooted for the main anime protagonist like this in a while and his likeability is off the charts. That said, he’s not a stellar role model just yet, mainly due to his hero complex. We’ll see some of the nuance of this subject explored in the next season, but by and large Deku’s drive to save people can use some level-headed reigning in before he acts. There are many times where his action is completely appropriate and justified - almost always when there’s someone right in front of him that needs saving; and let me make it perfectly clear that the unyielding drive to help someone in distress is a positive quality through and through; but when he goes out of his way to break the rules and disregards the repercussions in order to save someone I’m kind of surprised he hasn’t gotten in much bigger trouble so far what with his history of it at this point.  That’s all to say that he’s a loose canon in the series so far and needs more experience before he’s real top hero material.

However, I don’t think this lone wolf mentality is what Horikoshi is trying to glorify or endorse through the series. My guess is that the series as a whole is philosophically leaning towards the Good Samaritan principle. (I said I wasn’t theorizing, but I guess I’m a liar now.)

If you aren’t familiar with the story of the Good Samaritan, it’s a parable in the Bible Jesus told about doing the right thing in helping others, no matter who you or the other person is - even if under normal circumstances the person you’re helping would despise you. This story is so iconic that there’s a type of law named after it - The Good Samaritan Law.  (And if you’re unfamiliar with it you should read it and the other parables in the Bible, they’re not just moral tales but might get you good points on an English/Literature essay if you reference them well.) 

It differs from place to place and not all countries have them, but the principle is if you think someone is in immediate danger and you attempt to save them they can’t turn around and sue you for “wrongdoing.” For example, if you see a baby or an animal locked in a car on a hot day and you smash the windows to pull them out and get them cooled down, whoever owns that car can’t sue you for smashing their windows and damaging their car. There’s a lot more nuance and fine print, but that’s the basic idea. In many cases where this law exists it actually legally obligates the bystander to help. The hope is that these laws help reduce the Bystander Effect (really neat if you look it up, but also scary and very humbling) and encourage people to help those in imminent danger without fear of negative repercussions.

Something I didn’t quite realize until now is that with the advent of a superhuman society, the Good Samaritan Principle is largely done away with all the way across the globe. Even if people are in active, life-threatening danger, you can’t use your powers to step in unless you have a hero license or you risk getting in serious legal trouble. To an extent this is understandable in a precarious and delicate situation - just look at the precision called for in the second half of the Provisional License Exam; but it occurred to me that not only are everyday people discouraged from getting directly involved they’re actively penalized if they do! If a hero was already on the case or shows up while you stall for time it makes sense to not insert yourself and complicate matters - you wouldn’t get in the middle of a hostage negotiation, for instance. Yet, that’s not what we see reflected in the series. There’s an over-saturation of heroes to the general public so that there’s almost always a hero close by to swoop in which rarely ever leaves an opening for someone else to step in while a hero is on their way; and the problem with this is that it leads to an over-dependence on heroes to intervene in other’s lives instead of taking the responsibility into one’s own hands as a citizen of the community.

This has repercussions that are directly echoed across the series, even (and especially) up to date. If you’re not a hero, you’re supposed to step back and let a “professional” handle it. If there’s truly no “Good Samaritan” exception in the world of HeroAca then that really gives Deku a solid ideal to embody and work towards in his world. He outright inspired All Might at the beginning of the series because he demonstrated the Good Samaritan Principle when rescuing Bakugo.

“It doesn’t matter that he hates me and bullies me and steps on my dreams. It doesn’t matter that I’m not a hero and can’t even stand up for myself. It doesn’t even matter that I don’t have any kind of superpower to use in this situation. He’s in danger and if I don’t do something now he’ll die! I can’t let that happen, and I won’t let that happen!”

That’s literally the parable in a nutshell. He even gets reprimanded for it after the fact, but he certainly doesn’t apologize for it. Deku is the personification of the “hero’s heart.” It’s recklessly helping others when they need help, and the moment he recognizes that someone is lashing out in pain (a la Todoroki or Shinsou or even Bakugo) he instantly recognizes that even though they may be against him in the moment and that threat needs to be reigned in, they’re still as much in need of saving as someone falling from a building. While All Might deterred crime through threat of force, Deku is on track to deter them before they even get to that place at all, and his character is making a case of normalizing this mentality instead of drawing black and white lines in the sand and chasing the symptoms of the disease rather than the cause. (I’m literally having a big brain moment typing this, “All Might-y power” in one generation vs “Deku” as someone who might normally be worthless but only needs a nudge to become “Dekiru/ I-can-do-it!”)

It’s a theme resonating through the series about how heroism and villainy both have roots in the heart, and while there are threats that have to be dealt with in the immediate and physical, there’s still an emotional and psychological component that has not only gone unaddressed for too long but is directly responsible for the surge of villains in society. You can already see it in so many of the League of Villains’ members (and some of the more troubled heroes) - if someone had been there to reach out their hand and metaphorically save them when they personally needed it in their lives (“It’s okay, I’m here.”) then they probably never would have become bad guys in the first place.

When all’s said and done, I think that’s the point of Deku’s character in the story, why he’s the main character, and why he’s going to be the greatest hero in the world.

~~~~~

Wow, that was more satisfying to write than I thought it would be. And to you, Momo and Uraraka anon, I have heard your question and I am trying to get it out soon. I just have… Much work to do.

After that, though, I hope to open HC requests again soon!

[unordinary-analysis]

Episode 147

Honorable mentions:

Hgfjhgf

I talk a lot about Remi being into EMBER. This includes the theory that EMBER are the authorities. So just be aware that that also falls under that name when you read it.

Even I’m getting a bit confused about John’s motives right now lmaooo sksndjks

John saying he’s rooting for Joker… idk that hit hard for some reason it really shouldn’t have

This is one of those rare episodes where literally everything that happens is big enough to get its own explanation and analysis so that’s why my honorable mentions this week is a little bare lmao

I’m really sorry about how late this is, but I had to step back and take a deep breath… like… wow.

How do all those fast-passers keep quiet like-? I’m so happy they do, but how do you not just get up and start screaming about this episode?

Anyway. Let’s get into this in chronological order.

Terrence:

When I first saw Terrence in this week’s episode, I was ecstatic. I genuinely thought that that would be the most interesting thing about the chapter (...). 

Terrence grabs my attention whenever he is shown, mentioned, or even whenever i can manage to fit him into a theory. The reason is: Terrence is endgame. I’m so sorry i don’t know how to word this correctly. Please be aware I don’t mean the movie. What I’m trying to say is that, Terrence is one of the plot points that have been sewn into the story since the very beginning. He’s been the background/behind the scenes force. No matter what is happening now, you always know there’s something bigger happening silently and that it will be the ultimate climax. Terrence has a special connection with that.

Though it is not technically canon, most people believe that Terrence is the invisible guy that tried to sneak up on Seraphina and John in episode 10 and the invisible person that was involved with the whole situation at Kovoro mall. Neither cases were dwelt upon long or pushed into further investigation by the characters. Sure, Remi might have gotten a bit worked up, but she never actually decided to look into the initial person from the mall and his invisible friend. When John and Seraphina got followed, neither one of them tried to figure out why. 

This theme is rather uncommon in the story of UnOrdinary as a whole. The characters often investigate and look into anything suspicious around them. Arlo and Isen looked into John. Remi chased after EMBER (one of the more... special cases), When Seraphina got kidnapped- literally everyone’s perspective revolved around it. Uru-Chan allowed her characters to look into the ultimately lesser conflicts. Yes, Arlo discovering John’s abilities proved to be maybe the biggest plot point/ turning point in UnOrdinary, but after that happened, the story still went on. Seraphina getting kidnapped? Not much to do with that endgame climax we’re all waiting for. I’ll say it again for the people in the back who aren’t paying attention.

Uru-Chan doesn’t let her characters investigate anything that will be endgame conflict.

Am I saying that right? Whatever, you all get the gist of what I’m saying.

The events that aren’t directly crucial to UnOrdinary’s ultimate climax have all been examined.

Which means: Whatever hasn’t been properly addressed by the comic that should’ve based on the character’s usual actions will be important to the eventual and overall plot. 

I mentioned above that there is a special case regarding this rule. EMBER. EMBER is difficult to really put into the black and white classification that I’m talking about. EMBER has been investigated by Remi. 

The reason that I’m still claiming my whole classification as correct is because of the unique ties Remi has to the organization. We all know her brother was murdered by EMBER, She tried to warn students about EMBER, she became a superhero to defeat EMBER. These are facts that have been drilled into our heads since the beginning of the comic.

The beginning of the comic.

Almost from the very moment we met Remi, she had her intimate connection and interest in the organization that lurked in the back of the story. She is the character we see most interact and react to EMBER. I’m going to go as far as saying that her entire character has been revolving around EMBER for basically the entire story. Yes, she’s helped with some side plot like love triangles and whatnot. I don’t really know. But when you really look into Remi, what you find is EMBER. Remi’s character boils down to EMBER.

Remi investigating EMBER is an exception to my classification hypothesis of sorts, but at the same time, it really isn’t… Because her involvement with the group is endgame. Again, I’ll try to explain better…

Because Remi’s character has been onto EMBER since the beginning, she in a way joins the hidden plot. Her character is one of the more subtle plot points, like Terrence or EMBER. I don’t know whether or not to call it a foreshadowing technique, but Remi’s always been in the back warning her friends, Arlo, Wellston about EMBER. 

I’d like to move on from this because this is just meant to be an answer to any holes that my theory (?) many have. I hope I’ve been clear. I would love to talk more, but I don’t know what else to say. Have at it in the comments though :).

Back to Terrence… (sorry I hope this long ramble didn’t distract from my topic too much). Terrence, and the person we readers believe him to be, falls under the category of things that should have been addressed more and were not. Like I listed before: the chase outside the mall, the teddy-bear scandal with the superhero posse. I can’t imagine John just letting someone who was invisible sneak up on him and Seraphina and just not give them another thought. I know, times have changed since then, but still… It seems like something you would remember. Same with the mall thing. Isen and Blyke got kind of into the whole EMBER is authorities thing, but I mean they just were surprised. Neither of them has really delved into it. They didn’t even give another thought to the invisible guy on the motorcycle… 

So yeah… I get excited whenever Terrence is involved because he represents the ultimate climax that Uru-Chan’s been building up to for years. I don’t even think he’s going to play that big of a role, it’s just his involvement in general that I’m intrigued by. I’ve explained myself above and now I’m tired so let’s just move on to what happened this episode sjkdjfghsjikdfh.

Okay Terrence isn’t all that important this episode actually lmao sorry for the big dramatic buildup. He just sits at a table with Seraphina and tells good lies. Honestly, it’s kind of scary how normal he looks while acting like everyone else. Terrence never says anything that directly contradicts what we know to be true, so it’s not that interesting, but stillllll. Terrence sitting and talking with Seraphina so normally??? I eat that shit up i stg. If you didn’t know that he’s been watching everything since the beginning, he wouldn’t stand out and even if you were given some inkling that he was, honestly, he seems too boring and innocent. I usually don’t like this, but the things that the readers know is too much and like I said, I’m living for this. Yeah I don’t know what I’m saying either R.I.P..

The more important part of what I wanted to say is in my explanation of the ultimate plot so I’m going to let myself move on now.

Seraphina on Joker:

Seraphina said something this episode that I guess really got me thinking. She said, “Is he [Joker] really that bad? He’s just climbing the ladder, isn’t he?”

I felt that.

This really intrigued me for some reason. Like… honestly. The low-tiers are scared, but what Joker’s doing is just climbing the hierarchy ladder. This happens all the time, so why be scared now.

When asked about this, the low-tiers said that Joker was scary because he covers his face, meaning he won’t face any consequences (okay this is understandable) and because nobody understands his motives.

Do… Do the low-tiers really believe that they understand every high-tier’s motive? Do they? I don’t know. That’s irrelevant right now lol. 

I made this it’s own section because I’m intrigued that Seraphina seems to be one of the first ones to consider Joker differently. She isn’t instantly scared of him like everyone else and even when she does find out about him and his actions, her immediate reaction isn’t horror. I liked this because it shows a person with a different perspective. With everyone scared of him, readers are limited in the way they see Joker, if that makes sense. Because everyone shown in the comic previously has been terrified of him, when we think of Joker, we think of a badass guy that’s kicking everyone’s asses for the hell of it. That holds so much appeal, don’t get me wrong, but I loved the new way of thinking about him that Seraphina really pointed out to me. Joker is  only climbing the ladder. Joker’s just doing what is acceptable and everyone is being so dramatic about it. I don’t completely understand or agree with Seraphina’s thoughts, but just their presence changed how I thought of something, so thank you for that :).

My new take on Joker: symbolism:

I don’t know what made me really think of this, but I did and I think this kind of makes sense…? I thought it was good enough to put in here so I mean y’all are going to have to read this either way lol.

Joker symbolizes EMBER. 

Let me explain. In UnOrdinary, Joker is this hidden antagonist who is defeating all of the high-tiers. Generally, none of the students know Joker’s motives or who is behind the mask (they said this is why they are scared of him). Joker leaves a trail of his victims bodies. Joker steals his victims powers. Some students know Joker’s true identity, and it’s not who’d you expect.

Now… consider this.

Replace Joker with EMBER (don’t actually do it, I’ll do it for you :))

EMBER is a hidden enemy defeating high-tiers.

The general public is not aware of who is a part of EMBER or what they want.

EMBER leaves a trail of bodies, all of which they brand with their symbol.

An early theory that one of the characters thought of was that EMBER had to be messing with high-tier’s powers to be defeating all of them. This was proved right with that whole Seraphina fiasco and everything that followed.

Remi, Blyke, and Isen all have pretty strong suspicions that EMBER and the authorities are one and the same, which all shocked them at first.

I don’t know what this means. I don’t know how else to elaborate. I’m just going to leave this here. Make of it what you will… But I’m living for thissss.

“John is Joker”:

I hate to say this, but… I just can’t… It-... It’s been a week already (lmao while writing this, the new episode came out) and all I can say is… awsihlkdaklshfjkslhfiuwghr87uivayiukrfhrwauyegvhrwqwc4zszvedrbfygutnymhi,i8ngt67rd64vbe5sw exb6dcnf7vt8m9by8,u09ji

I don’t really have anything to add to this scene so don’t be mad at me for not saying anything  ._.

[whiskeyworen]

Aspect I : Alternative Thinking

"Welcome back, Commander Cyrus." Forsaken Aspect's AI greeted him as he walked through the hatch. From a nearby wall panel,  a Golem eye extended, turned to face him, and lit up in a pattern that suggested a smile; a curved line of four-point diamonds arcing across the faces of the larger diamond. "How was your mission?"

Cyrus scratched the back of his head in mild embarrassment, exhaling heavily. He still wasn't used to being personally greeted every time he boarded, though he did welcome it. It reminded him of coming home, and having someone greet him and ask how his day was. Which was probably why he felt so embarrassed; being a private person, he usually didn't talk about his day. "Ah... Hello, Aspect. You don't have to call me 'Commander'. I'm not part of the Pact and we're not a military organization."

"But you are the leader onboard, are you not? So it is generally appropriate to call such a leader as Captain, or Commander. Thus, you MUST be a Commander, Commander Cyrus." Aspect pointed out. He couldn't fault its logic, but despite the gentle, pleasant, insistent way it said it, he couldn't tell if it was serious or just playing with him. "Very true, Aspect. But I am not comfortable with a title like that. If you could, would you please not call me Commander, or Captain? Cyrus will do just nicely." He offered the Golem eye a weak smile, before proceeding down the hall. As he walked, Aspect switched which eye it viewed him with, proceeding down the hall. In a sense, it was 'walking down the hall' with him by doing so.

"Then perhaps I should call you Father, instead?" Aspect asked innocently. Before he could answer, its tone shifted slightly, and with an almost teasing tone it added. "Or would 'Daddy' be more to your liking?"

Cyrus immediately froze, eyes darting in horror at the Golem eye nearest him. The pattern of light on its surface suggested a neutral emote, but as he stared at it, the strip of internal lighting flickered, before curving upward into a 'smile' again. Did it just..?

"...Aspect, the answer, in a very specific order, is 'No' ... followed by a very emphatic 'HELL No.' " He stared at the eye, where it bobbled slightly on the wall, the curved line widening towards the front, each lit diamond shifting its position in relation to the others and stretching longer. Was it smiling wider? Was Aspect capable of that? "I would like to know where you heard such an idea, or where such information was...acquired."

An odd sound escaped the speaker, while the eye bobbled. "Such information is available in ship's archives of non-fiction, fiction, and other such entertainment, as well as has been observed via shipboard cameras while in dock. In my attempts to understand more, I have explored those archives, to compare to my experiences as ship's computer and the non-crew individuals I have observed outside." The eye tilted slightly. "I am trying to develop a 'sense of humor', so that I may converse more casually with those I interact with. Have I succeeded?"

Cyrus exhaled, and chuckled, shaking his head. "Well, to a degree. I will say that it does sound like your 'sense of humor' is developing well, and is leaning into perhaps what we'd call 'dark' or 'risque' humor... for which there are rules of behavior I don't know if you've noticed." He raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms. "Such as that crack about Father and 'Daddy'. Just what part of your programming came up with that?"

Aspect's eye 'grinned' again. "You are one of my primary creators. In biological family units, you would be considered a father, donating not just genetics but knowledge and skills to a child. In the case of myself, I carry in my personality codes 'fingerprints' of you. Pieces of things like your dry wit, interest in knowledge, and loyalty to friends. I also carry pieces of all those who were involved in my creation; Tenna's imagination, though I have yet to explore that area of my consciousness. My martial skill as ship's computer, weapons control, and my control of the servitor units are Verula Faithbreaker's contribution. And though she did not contribute to my programming directly, Moryggan Deraleth's mesmeric finesse is expressed through my Illusion matrix and its usage, as well as some of the more feminine elements of my core." The eye’s light pattern made an odd shape. “I have observed you as close as I can, and have been trying to learn by example from all of you.”

Cyrus nodded, accepting all of this. It made sense. Between the three of them, Tenna, Verula and he had worked together to craft this wonder of technology. They'd even gone so far as to undergo some cerebral scans to form a combined, comprehensive virtual brain structure for the AI. If that meant that Aspect's 'brain' was literal and not just structural, then it just might have pieces of them in it, working as a whole. It was amazing, honestly.

"Aspect, you never cease to amaze me." He chuckled.

"Thank you, Cyrus. Now, you have yet to tell me about your mission."

He began to walk through the halls, heading for his quarters, while Aspect tracked him the entire time. He explained how there had been a small village in Elona that had come under rebel Awakened attack, and how they'd called for help. Of all the teams in the area, there was only a Vigil task force nearby, and it would have taken hours to get there. By that time, the town might have been massacred. Cyrus and a few Priory scholars at a nearby dig decided to pull up stakes and rush over; their goal was not to end the threat, but isolate it till an actual active task force could deal with it.

"....These Awakened weren't Loyalists, and they weren't Free Awakened either." Cyrus continued inside his quarters, hanging up his blades and changing into a more casual outfit. "It was true they'd been under Joko's heel when Awakened, but after he was gone... they'd gone back to their roots. Which, in their case, was a team of highly skilled bandits."

"How was the threat dealt with?" Aspect asked. Out of concern for privacy, it had temporarily deactivated the golem eye in his quarters, but kept the channel open. When his voice analysis and the sound of him settling down indicated he was relaxing in his chair, it turned the eye on again.

"We delayed the bandits until the Vigil team arrived. While we delayed, we learned their identities and relayed them to the Vigil force, who made a few stop-overs on the way." He chuckled ruefully. "When they arrived, the bandits gave up in minutes. It wasn't the show of power or anything. For once the Vigil had listened to our advice and brought a secret weapon."

"A weapon? I am keen to learn of new weapons." Aspect pointed out. It was always looking for new ways to upgrade and protect its crew. "Was it an anti-Awakened device? A magical sword? A gun?"

"There's more than one way to end a threat, other than force, Aspect." He pointed out, smirking. "They brought along a psychological weapon. They brought family."

"Hostages?"

"No. Immediate descendants. Upstanding citizens who were only one generation removed from these bandits. It seems the bandits were a recent addition to Joko's forces. Barely ten years Awakened. So their families were still current generation, and alive."

"I do not understand."

"It's hard to explain, Aspect." Cyrus leaned back, putting his hands behind his head. "I mean, as a human, I entirely understand it in a personal, unspoken way. But to put words to it belies the deep meaning of it. The Vigil teams brought the bandit's brothers, sisters, and in at least one case, a parent or two. They stood back and let the families approach their kin."

"What was the result?" Aspect's eye tilted curiously.

"Tears. Mostly tears. Tears of sadness, of happiness. Of joy and sorrow." He sighed. "As Joko's Awakened, a lot of the bandits had had their memories repressed or controlled. Their families never saw them, and they couldn't remember their families. Now that his influence is gone....well, there's something about seeing your mother cry when she sees you for the first time in ten years. Pretty sure their leader is a broken man now. He literally dropped to his knees when his little brother reached out to him."

"Are they to be punished?"

"Only superficially. They'll be serving community service for their respective hometowns for a while. Their families have taken them in, and will be keeping them in the right." Cyrus smiled a bit. "Remember; Awakened are still honored in Elona. They aren't 'monsters'. They're people who've been changed. Respected relatives. I don't think that'll be changing any time soon. Not that it should. The idea of an Eternal Protector is a comforting thought."

"I see." Aspect's eye nodded.

He yawned. "Now, if you don't mind, Aspect. I'm going to have a bit of a rest. If there's nothing else of importance, then please keep me undisturbed unless something comes up."

"As you wish." The golem eye retracted back into its wall socket and began to shutdown, the glow retreating to its center.

Cyrus was just flipping the sheets back when he heard Aspect add, at the very last moment a quiet little "...Dad."

His gaze snapped to the golem eye on the wall, but it had already finished shutting down; unless he called it back, Aspect had gotten away with its last-second joke. He shook his head and sighed, laying down. "....smartass computer. Pretty sure I didn't program 'get the last word in' as part of your programming."

Cyrus took his glasses off and rolled over, dropping into sleep almost immediately.

[sebastyansmith-writer]

Her Name Was Arthur

Or:

Getting to grips with my first ever panic attack at 30

Note: The following is written chronologically. The relevance of these events only became clear after a lot of soul searching and personal psychological analysis after the fact. 

Initially none of it was clear, but reaching back and finding the root cause of where I believe my panic attack came from helped massively with fighting through it and moving on.

I’ve had a few people ask for more information on this, especially those who have struggled with anxiety and panic attacks nearly their entire life. I think seeing someone process it all for the first time offers a unique angle. That’s what this post is about. 

At age 5/6 our family cat gave birth to a litter of kittens. I was allowed to chose one and name it, and from that point it would my cat. Looking back this was the first meaningful instance of real responsibility, and even at a young age I understood its importance.

I chose a kitten and named her Arthur. I can’t remember if I knew her sex, or cared, but I certainly loved me some King Arthur.

How not to hold a sword

For the first time in my young life I had a charge, a living creature that would rely on me. Obviously looking back I probably wouldn’t have had to do much, but all the same I took it very seriously.

A few weeks later she died.

It was an illness no-one knew she had, and according to the vet – unavoidable.

According to my mother I was inconsolable. It took a hundred conversations to settle me, and I’m fortunate that my mother excels at emotional conversations.

I remember choosing the name Arthur. I remember the kitten dying. I don’t remember what she looked like, or crying at all. Apparently my mind decided to repress all that.

From that point on I didn’t properly connect with any of the pet cats we owned, though to such a degree that I didn’t notice until getting Ink and Bobby, years later.

Ink

Bobby

I loved animals. I practically lived off nature programs. But I had a deep, subconscious fear of being responsible for them.

This might sound all a bit dramatic but I was – and am – what some would call a delicate flower. Losing Arthur hit me hard.

It’s funny, I started talking about the above on a regular basis. Saying how relieved I was that I could open myself up again to pets, happy that I was able to let myself feel things properly, even at the risk of eventually losing them.

In retrospect this was my mind trying to draw my attention to another issue that would only become clear to me later:

It wasn’t just pets that I had began detaching from.

As a child I had a smattering of friends. I loved them, and trusted them, but when we moved away I was able to disconnect from them without much drama. They had been good people, and probably still are (this is long before social media so who bloody knows!). Yet I moved on without much of a backwards glance. When they didn’t show much interest I would leave.

Anyway, I carried on, I grew up, I was able to develop some brilliant relationships with people. Things were going really well. I grew into a happy adult and am lucky to count some brilliant people as friends.

As an aside: I think this was due to my up-bringing. My parents (and other parental figures) were superb. They installed so much strength and self-respect in me. That’s not to say I haven’t stumbled over the years and been an idiot – I have. Even so, I had an exemplary upbringing and I will always be thankful for that.

I still retained the ability to move on from people if things didn’t work out, or if they let me down. Looking back it could be something as simple as them not keeping to an arranged meeting time or place and I’d totally cut ties with them. Not socially, but I’d take away any level of trust I had in them.

This came instinctively and followed me into my mid twenties until I made a breakthrough.

I found myself trusting people again, really letting them in. Here’s the issue –

As children we learn how to let people in and how to block people out. It’s a system of trial and error which most take for granted as ‘learning how society works’. I don’t think I did that. I think losing Arthur had such a profound effect on me that I took the shortcut of distancing myself from others as a means of avoiding losing them.

On some level my ability to process trust issues stopped when Arthur died (bear with me on this).

So when I started trusting people, I did so as a child might, because that part of my processing hadn’t had chance to develop.

Someone who I deemed ‘special’ (super cringey, I know – I assure you this wasn’t a conscious distinction, but rather a subconscious one I’ve only recently identified) would be elevated to such a degree that they could do no wrong. They were perfect, they were above reproach. They could – wait for it – be trusted and relied upon! They wouldn’t ever let me down, why would they?

wow

Here’s where the healthy/unhealthy cycle begins. Through sheer dumb luck, and hopefully my own judgement, these few people never let me down. They were, and are, brilliant. My child-like projections of them were never shattered.

Until they were.

What happens when the psychological foundations of your mind that you’ve been building subconsciously your entire life begin to crumble?

I can only describe it as my brain short-circuiting. I have never had any mental health issues. I have always had a positive outlook and tend to take difficult things in my stride. I am not one to obsess, or to spiral. I was thus utterly unprepared for what was to come. All at once my mind seemed to collapse in on itself. I didn’t react like an adult, I reacted like a 6 year old whose kitten just died.

I couldn’t understand it. I kept saying ‘I don’t understand, I don’t understand,’ like an endless mantra. I was unprepared.

You see, on a level I wasn’t aware of, child me blamed himself for Arthur’s death. It wasn’t my fault, obviously, but we’re beyond normal logic at this point (keep up Neurotypicals!). Arthur had been my responsibility and she died. I internalised that and blamed myself for it.

Therefore, if I was to blame for the kitten, then adult Me was to blame for any upset caused by an individual elevated to my special little compartmentalised group of friendships. What should have been something I reacted to and processed relatively normally became a mental cliff which I promptly fell off. The two events became linked.

I tried to shrug it off as I would a regular upset and ended up crying uncontrollably in work. Fortunately my colleagues were superb and called me a taxi home. I did all the things I usually did to take my mind off it and that only made me spiral more. My thoughts were no longer my own, I felt hurt, confused, and more vulnerable than I have ever felt before. My sleeping pattern almost vanished. I would have moments of clarity, but they were quickly fog over again. I’d have good days, but always bad days would follow.

Keep in mind that you’ve had this story in order. At the point of the panic attack I didn’t understand where this reservoir of emotion had come from. All I kept doing was blaming myself and silently arguing myself until I could feel my thoughts falling apart.

Artist: Bryony Mulvill

I’ve always known panic attacks were real, often comparing them to a type of fit, but experiencing one firsthand opened my eyes. It is terrifying.

For all my strength as a person, for all my good mental health, one incident and my world nearly fell apart. Fortunately I wasn’t alone. My partner and my friends were there for me and they pulled me through it. No-one is an island.

Do you know what surprised me further? The anger. As part of my mental block with letting people in I also restrained a lot of emotion. For the first time in my adult life I felt angry. It was like a damn bursting. Every single emotion all wanted to be at the front but the anger? That bloody scared me.

It also pointed out something fascinating: as an adult I had never been angry before. Not really, deep-in-your-gut, truly angry. Y’know what? Being angry makes me want to cry.

Delicate flower, n’all that.

Fortunately a lifetime of good mental health kicked in with a vengeance.

I began exercising to give myself the impression of control over my life. I began taking B12 supplements to help with the fatigue. I also began talking about what I was going through, not just to people on social media and to friends/family, but to myself.

I started asking: Why?

I’d gone through hard things in the past. I’d felt pain and loss and sadness, so why now? That line of questioning uncovered everything you’ve been reading.

I love psychoanalysis. I love the idea of the human mind as a machine with cause and effect, with a little bit of chaos in there for good measure. Until recently I’d had little cause to direct this interest inwardly. It took two months to trace things back to the Arthur conclusion. Written down it might look silly, and to some degree it is:

Child doesn’t deal with losing kitten = adult doesn’t know how to process being let down.

It’s dumb, but it’s also an answer. Rather than endlessly repeating: ‘I don’t understand’ I now DO understand. More importantly, I can tell my 6 year old self that it wasn’t his fault. He couldn’t have known what was going to happen. I can resolve the relatively innocent incident of childhood trauma.

Not me and Arthur, but probably fairly accurate. Fuck I wish I remembered more.

You see, giving myself the answer provides me with a key. I’m no longer looking outwards for a solution, I can look inwards. And until recently my own head was the safest place for me to be. Like fuck I’m giving up that ground to anxiety. That territory is mine, baby.

I can also begin to work on how I view people, how I project onto them, and why I project onto them.

This has been a chaotic post, and to get the first hand journey experience you might have to read it backwards, from panic attack to naming a female kitten Arthur.

So there you have it. My first panic attack. Such innocent, naive little origins for something that could have so easily ruined me as an adult. Ain’t the human brain great/terrible.

Weirdly, I feel stronger and more alive than I ever have.

2020 is going to be amazing, I promise.

– Seb

Her Name Was Arthur Her Name Was Arthur Or: Getting to grips with my first ever panic attack at 30…

[weerd1]

Star Trek DS9 Rewatch Log, Stardate 1908.31: Missions Reviewed, “The Darkness and the Light,” “The Begotten,” “For the Uniform.”

In “The Darkness and the Light” begins with Kira learning that one of her old friends was killed on Bajor, but under mysterious circumstances. Soon after, she receives a coded message saying “that’s one.” Soon, another one is killed and “that’s two” follows. Analysis of the recordings shows the heavily modulated voice is actually a composite using Kira’s own voice. Her friends Furel and Lupaza (resistance members we previously saw in the episode “Shakaar”) show up to help protect Kira, but soon after en explosion on the station takes them out too. 

While Kira is in the infirmary, safe, Odo finds a clue to the attacker’s identity. Kira sneaks into his office to get the information, and seven months pregnant goes off to find a maimed Cardassian living on a small planet. The people he is targeting were part of the attack that wounded him, but Kira was the one who carried out what happened to him. He decries the attack on “innocents” by the resistance, but Kira states it was war, and any Cardassian supporting the occupation on Bajor was a fair target.

 Her assailant is so hung up on not hurting who he sees as innocent, he’s ready to excise the baby from her stomach before he kills her. She asks for a trank, but it turns out the roots she is taking for the baby make her immune and she is able to escape and kill the Cardassian.

Solid episode, and I am of course a fan of any episode that puts Kira front and center. The Cardassian conducting the campaign against her seems a little too capable and too ahead of the game at times (Heath Ledger Joker Syndrome), but it builds the suspense nicely. The story Kira tells that links the victims together seems to include Shakaar, but it is never mentioned that an attempt is made on the First Minister of Bajor, though potentially he was being saved for last. Odo withholding his clue from Kira so she won’t go off on her own to get this guy, and Kira then sneaking in to get  the clue and going off on her own to get this guy are two of the most spot on character moments in the whole show.

It’s baby season on DS9 in “The Begotten.” 

 Kira is going into labor, causing some tension between Miles and Shakaar in almost RomCom style hijinks between boyfriend and baby-daddy; meanwhile Quark has acquired and sold to Odo what appears to be a baby Changeling, one of the 100 sent out as infants into the universe like Odo. Odo is determined to raise the baby and not resort to the methods Doctor Mora used when Odo was first found. He is having little success, though Doctor Bashir has managed to cure it of some contamination in it’s bio-matrix. When Mora comes anyway at Starfleet’s request there are some tensions, but eventually Odo and Mora find a way to combine Odo as nurturing father with Mora as focused scientist.

 The baby begins to respond quickly, healing the relationship between the older generation.  When the baby shapeshifts to emulate Odo’s face, they are ecstatic; the elation is short-lived however as the baby’s original contamination returns and will be fatal. Bashir can do nothing, and the child dies in Odo’s hands. Strangely, rather than turning to dust as dead changelings usually do, the child seeps into Odo’s hands, and in moments he realizes the child has repaid his kindness as it passed: Odo is a Shapeshifter again.

A very heartfelt episode that gives us a neat look at Odo while examining the trauma we all carry from how we perceive our parents. Let’s face it, there’s not a one of us who has not said they would not be the parent their parents were…and not a one of us who hasn’t opened our mouths and had our parents’ voice come out when talking to our children.  A tragic, yet lovely, way to have Odo become a Changeling again. Also, we finally welcome Kirayoshi O’Brien into Star Trek, but we won’t see too much of the happy O’Brien family after this.  In just a couple more episodes DS9 becomes a much more dangerous place. Oddly enough, this is also the last time we actually see Minister Shakaar, which is fine with me because KIRA AND ODO!!!!  Very important here also is we will find out in just a couple more episodes that THIS IS NOT BASHIR. Did this Changeling infiltrator kill the baby on purpose, just as I suspect he stopped Sisko’s visions on purpose back in “Rapture”? In my headcanon, yes.  Let’s hope he doesn’t suffer a violent death or anything. (Narrator: “He does.”)

“For the Uniform” picks up with Sisko back in pursuit with the Maquis turncoat Eddington. As Sisko is pursuing him, they find Eddington has actually left a few more surprises in his wake, primarily in the form of a virus that disables the Defiant. Indeed, he had left a few on DS9 as well. 

 While Sisko waits for his ship to be operable again , Starfleet thinks he’s a little too close to the problem and assigns the USS Malinche under a Captain Sanders to hunt Eddington. The crafty rebel manages to disable that ship as well and begins dropping bio-genic weapons on Cardassian colonies that were formerly Federation worlds. The weapons render the planets unusable to the Cardassians, but will not harm humans. Sisko cobbles the Defiant back together, while the crew has to perform almost all tasks manually. Indeed, Cadet Nog with his Ferengi hearing is recruited to be the sole communication relay between bridge and engine room.  When the Defiant catches up to Eddington, he endangers a Cardassian civilian transport the Defiant has to save, allowing the Maquis to escape. In communication he likens Sisko to Javert from “Les Miserables.” 

Sisko realizes Eddington must then see himself as Jean Valjean, and sets Eddington up to dutifully sacrifice himself to save the Maquis: Sisko uses biogenic weapons on Maquis strongholds, making them toxic to humans but fine for Cardassians.  Eddington surrenders himself to stop Sisko from doing it again, leaving Sisko with the question of who was really the villain.

I hate Eddington, probably all the more so because he has a point. Eddington is an effective villain, like Killmonger in “Black Panther” because he has been wronged- like all the human colonists displaced by the Federation treaty with Cardassia-but his arrogance makes him see himself as some great hero, rather than someone who needs to make a statement. Sisko’s solution is pretty hardcore, and really does throw the Captain into a gray area, bringing to mind his previous statement that “it’s easy to be a saint in paradise.” The moments of nautical goodness where the Defiant has become almost like a ship at sea, manually crewed without it’s computer are pretty delightful. And finally, a missed opportunity is presented: Captain Sanders is played by Eric Pierpoint, who was fantastic as George Francisco on the wonderful tv series version of “Alien Nation.” We will see him again later on Star Trek: Enterprise as one of the founders of Section 31, but Sanders was supposed to be a recurring role, that unfortunately Pierpoint was unavailable for. Oh! And don't forget that they finally combine communication and holodeck technology to make a holographic communications display! Then they use it for one more episode and conveniently forget it from then on. At least Star Trek: Discovery addresses why they weren't using them in the first place.

NEXT VOYAGE: A desperate message from the Gamma Quadrant puts Garak and Worf in the path of an invasion, “In Purgatory’s Shadow.”