#i almost forgot that i drew that last summer :0

[toastypockets]

Can u draw obake holding a penguin while momakase stare at him as she thinks it is weird (bc I saw one of ur drawing about traina and nbb watch a vid about penguins)?

"...And this is???"

"The South African penguin."

i wish i could have gotten to making this much much sooner, but i suppose it can be considered a Christmas present now 😅

[saiilorstars]

Falling in Temptation

Previous chapters • Sequel to Stars Dance •  Fairy Tale Memoirs (Companion story)

Ch. 20: Happily Ever Now

Fandom: Doctor Who // Pairing: 11th Doctor x Female OC

Chapter summary: Avalon and the Doctor finally go out on their first date. As happy as they are to be together, they both can't help but think of the future that's coming for them both.

Taglist: @ocfairygodmother @anotherunreadblog @maaaaarveeeeel​ [If you’d like to be added to this specific OC’s stories/edits, send me a message!]

Avalon had just emerged from her bathroom wrapped in a towel after a long, relaxing bath. She could still smell the lavender scented bath bomb she'd used. She just loved the scent so much! She made it to her closet when she heard a small noise from her door. She peered around the closet door and saw a folded, old looking, paper on the floor.

"What?" she crinkled her nose and walked over to pick it up. In doing so, she found a second smaller paper under it.

At first glance she knew the first paper was made to look old. There was a laced purple bow keeping the paper folded and, as beautiful as it was, Avalon pulled it off and opened up the paper that turned out to be a letter.

My dearest Ava,

It has come to my attention that we have not had a first date. It's frankly ridiculous that I have the most amazing woman at my side and I haven't taken her out on date! I would love to spend one whole day with you and no one else . If you agree, then I shall await for you in the console room in one hour.

Yours truly,

The Doctor.

Avalon felt her entire face warm up after reading the letter. She checked the second smaller paper and found it was a P.S. She had to laugh.

P.S. If you accept, dress for heat. Literally. It's going to be like summer.

She looked up at the ceiling with a dreamy smile. "Did you see him write this for me?" It was silent for a few seconds but then Avalon heard a light hum. "Well, my Fairy Tale Man just wins for today." She folded the letter again and brought it to her vanity desk and checked herself in the mirror. "I have a lot of work today, don't I?"

The TARDIS hummed and Avalon would dare to say it was an outraged hum.

She giggled and looked up at the ceiling. "You are far too kind to me, you know? I still don't understand why but I'm happy about it. Now," she turned away from the vanity desk and brought her hands together, "I have one hour to make myself look gorgeous. No wet curls-" she wrapped a stark wet curl around her finger, "-and towels! And I absolutely need stunning clothes! Can we do it!?"

The TARDIS hummed loudly, making Avalon laugh again.

"I'm taking that as a yes! Let's do it!" Avalon determinedly marched for her closet to start searching for those out-of-this-world clothes!

~ 0 ~

The Doctor was making endless rounds at the console trying to wait like he promised. He was sure the TARDIS was laughing at him with all the humming she was doing. "Very lovely dear, absolutely lovely," he scowled at the rotor. "I know you can't help favorite Avalon but do remember I have known you for centuries. I deserve a little encouragement from you." And right now he could use all the encouragement and support he could get. He was about to go on a date with Avalon, their first date, and he had no idea if she would like what he set up for them. He'd covered his basis and made sure that Amy and Rory were nonethewisers about it. They and the Sapling were off at a beach to enjoy their day. Today was going to be all about him and Avalon, just them.

It was nerve-wrecking.

"You are 909 years old, get a hold of yourself," the Doctor berated himself. He would try not to think about the insane age gap between him and Avalon but right now he needed to remember his age. He couldn't be this nervous over a date - he'd done a lot more than just date in the past so why was this one date different?

Because it's Avalon you idiot. The Doctor came to a stop and deeply exhaled. It was Avalon. The girl he was head over heels for. The girl he was in love with and who had no idea about it.

Somebody cleared their throat and since the only people in the TARDIS was him and Avalon, the Doctor quickly spun around to find his ginger.

Don't spin so fast! That's not cool! It was then that the Doctor panicked as he realized that he needed to learn how to be cool, desperately. He always said that he was cool but Avalon tore that to pieces each time she came into a room looking all...well...the way she looked right now.

She really took his suggestion of wearing something for summer. She'd chosen a khaki, tie-front, peekaboo dress with thin spaghetti straps. Its skirt was just a bit flared so it wasn't tight, although the bodice seemed to be just right.

Once the Doctor felt his face heat up he knew it was time to look away, literally anywhere else...but his eyes drifted back to her each time. He caught sight of her legs and suddenly the heat was there to stay.

She'd paired her dress with pink, suede lace up sandals with just a hint of a heel. Her hair was left in its natural curly state with one jeweled rose clip at the back of her hair holding the bump on top of her head. Her curly hair was sometimes her worst enemy.

Avalon slowly made her way up the glass stairs to the console and nervously stopped a few feet from the Doctor. "I got your letter..."

The Doctor took one deep breath in and smelled her lavender scented perfume. Amazing. He was also aware of her soft pink lips were enhanced with a shade of lipstick that...that made him want to forget everything and just kiss her all day. "Yeah..." When he realized that wasn't at all cool, much less suave, he shook his head and started again. "I meant yes, that-that was...that was me."

Dammit. He wasn't getting it right, was he?

Avalon blushed when she remembered the letter's words. "I've never been asked out on a date through a letter..."

"Is that...is that not cool?" the Doctor blinked, panicking all over again. He intended on being different when it came to their relationship and he thought, since Avalon loved everything classical, that an old-fashion letter might be better than him stammering out the question. At the very least it could be more memorable.

Avalon sweetly smiled and leaned forwards to kiss him on the lips. "That was very sweet," she tapped his lips afterwards. "Very romantic."

"That...is what I was going for," the Doctor nodded, slowly finding his voice again. "I will always try to be like that, my princess."

Whether she wanted to or not, Avalon blushed again. It was ridiculous, she knew, to get all these butterflies in her stomach at a word that almost anyone would use on their partner. But, when the Doctor used it, she could almost believe that she was a princess. It didn't sound cliche at all. It had meaning.

He has saved you plenty of times, she reminded herself.

She stepped closer to him and drew her hand over his chest. "And what shall I call you? My knight in shining armor? My prince?"

"I like the first one, makes me sound cool." The Doctor grinned smugly, especially when he remembered that's how Avalon had dreamed of him. "Yeah, I'm your Knight in shining armor."

Avalon chuckled. "Not like you haven't been one in my dreams..."

"Was I? I totally forgot," the Doctor feigned surprise. "Didn't cross my mind one bit..."

"You're too modest but I'm not going to get into that right because somebody, I'm not pointing at anyone..." Except Avalon did just that with her excitement sparkling in her eyes. "But somebody promised me an entire day that'd be all about me."

"W-well that wasn't...I said to us..." the Doctor pointed at himself and Avalon, and though she seemed to nod that she understood...

"Right, about me," she slowly went around the console, brushing her hands over the controls.

The Doctor playfully rolled his eyes at her, figuring he wasn't going to get anywhere with her and honestly...who cared? He wanted to spend the entire day with her so maybe it was just about her. "I've found the perfect place for you, my dear Ava," he went the opposite way around the console, soon meeting her halfway. "And the best part of it is that we won't have any interruptions."

"Oh, and why wouldn't we want any interruptions?" Avalon played innocent so nicely that the Doctor almost believed her, almost. "Are you planning on doing something...?"

The Doctor truly hated how quickly the heat returned to his face but he'd taken one look at her dress again, specifically at the exposed shot he got of her midriff, and it was all downhill from there. She was teasing him so subtly and yet so obviously, he absolutely hated it. So why was his body almost on fire?

"Fairy Tale Man?" Avalon stepped closer to him and brought her hand up his arm 'till it came to rest on his shoulder. "You were saying?"

"R-right, uh...I meant to say..." the Doctor did his best to look only at her eyes but she still somehow made her innocent gaze so flirty. "I want a proper date with you where there's no danger, no aliens...except for me," she chuckled, "And especially, no interruptions from beloved Pond 1, Pond 2 and our dear Sapling."

Avalon swayed her head in agreement. It sounded very nice. "It has been a bit constant, huh?"

"YES!" the Doctor nearly shouted, "I love them, I really love them but every time we're in our little moments...they come in and interrupt us. Like, last night, when we were watching a movie and...we got...distracted," Avalon blushed but remain silent as he continued, "They almost walked in!" the Doctor frowned, "Or how about when we were in the archery room and we were having a little moment...and they almost caught us! Every time I want to kiss you or just be alone with you for a while they come in and I'm tired of it! And the Sapling! He's too innocent to figure out that sometimes we just want to be alone."

Avalon laughed when she remembered the time the Doctor had tried to explain to the Sapling that his Mother and Father wanted to watch a movie by themselves and the Sapling had asked 'why?' which then led to a very comical stammering from the Doctor. But as funny as it had been, Avalon felt like the Doctor was right. Of course it brought out another issue they hadn't yet come up with a solution for.

"We could just decide to tell them, you know," she said and immediately felt the Doctor stiffen under her hand. "What?" she laughed. "Too scared to face Amy and Rory?"

"Well...yes...honestly..."

And she didn't even know the half of it. The Doctor knew that Rory had expressed his support for a relationship between Avalon and him if it ever arose, but it didn't stop the Doctor from being scared that there would still be a part of Rory that would reject the relationship. After all, Avalon was no longer a friend, she was his granddaughter. Of course Rory would want his granddaughter - his only grandchild - to be with somebody safe. And he...was not safe. Which also brought the idea that maybe even Amy would disagree now that she knew Avalon was her granddaughter. It wasn't just them, it also went back to Avalon's father - now uncle - who they would eventually have to tell. How would Ryland react to his only brother's daughter having a relationship with the man who was surely responsible for Oliver's death? He would have every right to be against it. Only River Song would, seemingly, be in his corner but that didn't stop the Doctor from feeling the guilt. River wholeheartedly agreed with it, even pushed him towards her daughter, but he was the reason River was far away from Avalon in the first place. He'd done so much to the Ponds and of course he would choose to go and fall for one of them.

Of course.

"Doctor?" Avalon gently called since he'd fallen deep into his thoughts. "Hey," she noticed his face had gone pale and that couldn't be right, at least not over facing Amy and Rory. "So what if Amy and Rory don't agree? Even if they didn't agree, which I highly doubt to be honest, why would it matter? It's not their relationship, it's ours."

"I know," the Doctor lowered his gaze with a weary sigh. It was all so jumbled up.

"Are you sure it's just about them?" Avalon decided to ask what she'd been suspecting for a few days now. "Or is it that you're not quite sure about me yet? Because...because I'm not like you? A...what did you call it? A Time Lady?"

The Doctor's eyes snapped up to meet her nervous pair. "That is never it, Avalon. Don't you...don't ever think that, alright?" He cupped her face and gave her a gentle kiss on the lips, only parting enough to talk. "You are perfect the way you are. I would never think any less of you because you're different. Hell, I like you more because you're not like me. My people...they weren't the best, least not in the end. You're not a Time Lady, you are better."

"Alright, you don't have to kiss up," Avalon playfully rolled her eyes in an attempt to be casual but the truth was she was close to tearing up. "Actually, you could kiss up if you'd like. Kiss here-" she tapped her lips, "-and here-" she moved her finger to her nose, "-and then over here..." She tapped both of her cheeks.

"As tempting as that sounds - and it's really tempting - I would much rather go on our date. What do you think?"

Avalon nodded her head. "Take me away, Fairy Tale Man!"

"Gladly!" the Doctor grabbed her hand and pulled her to his side.

~ 0 ~

"If I trip, I'm going to kill you," Avalon so romantically warned as the Doctor guided her with his hands over her eyes.

"Don't you trust me?" he planted a kiss on her cheek for good measure.

"Of course but I also trust that you're very clumsy and frankly I'd rather not trip because my idiot of a boyfriend - I mean our relationship that's still yet to be labeled - tripped over his own feet."

"I'm still looking for the right label, don't you worry," he promised and finally stopped them right where he needed her. "Now are you ready?"

"Yes! You're lucky I haven't bitten you!"

"Well, to be honest, biting me isn't really much of a punishment anymore," the Doctor cleared his throat and thanked the stars that Avalon's eyes were closed so she couldn't see his blush.

Avalon smirked. "Duly noted. Now please take your hands off my eyes so I can see!"

"Right, I really hope you like this place." The Doctor took in a deep breath then finally pulled his hands from her eyes.

Avalon was quick to open her eyes but she was initially blinded by the sun. She shielded her eyes until her vision could adjust and when it did, she was mesmerized.

She was standing on a marbleized ground, the 'backyard' of the building behind her. She didn't waste time studying that because what truly took her breath away were the botanical gardens in front of them. She stepped forwards, her eyes landing on the large squared pool - that couldn't be deeper than five feet - in front of them with an aisle down the middle leading to what she imagined were the other gardens. She could see two sets of staircases on either side after crossing the aisle. The green gardens, as well as smaller lakes and pools, seemed like they stretched on forever.

"Where are we?" She turned to the Doctor, her eyes dazzling with excitement at the prospect of everything else she'd yet to see.

"This is the Gardenia Style," the Doctor extended his arms to his side. "A relaxation retreat for anybody who needs it. It's the best one in the Andromeda galaxy."

"A retreat? I don't...I don't really see anyone," Avalon said after taking another scan of the place but it seemed pretty empty.

"That's cos there's nobody here. They owe me one."

Avalon snapped her head in the Doctor's direction, eyes wide. "So they just...they just let you close down the place? What...because you asked?"

"The head of the place is an old friend of mine. I explained the situation and I asked her if it was possible to give me a day."

"And she said 'yes of course I can shut down my very profitable business just for you!'," Avalon folded her arms, her lips curving into a smile that threatened to laugh. "Doctor, you can just get people to do that!?"

"Well, I...yes?" the Doctor scratched the top of his head. It was something that he did get to do at times but he never took advantage of it either. "I helped her a long time ago when she was having an, uh, infestation problem..."

"Oh, so you saved her ass and now she owes you? Typical," Avalon turned away from him to gaze at the beautiful scenery. "My Fairy Tale Man just saves so many people, huh?"

"So do you like it?" the Doctor moved to stand behind her, his arms cautiously slipping around her waist. He thought it was the perfect place for Avalon because of its fairy tale nature. He was anxious to show her a few special places the gardens had to offer, but he wouldn't do any of it if Avalon didn't like it.

"I love it!" Avalon exclaimed and leaned her head against his chest, tilting it up to show him her grin. "You chose perfectly."

"Anything for my Ava," he kissed her on the lips. "My princess."

Avalon felt the dozen butterflies fluttering in her stomach at his new name for her. Yeah, he could keep calling her that for as long as he liked.

"C'mon!" the Doctor unwrapped his arms around her to take her hand.

"What are we going to do?" Avalon laughed as he led them down the small steps towards the pool aisle.

"Anything we want! We have the whole day!"

Indeed they did.

~ 0 ~

Avalon was eager to see everything, but the Doctor was right in that they should start with lunch. And as if to prove her point, her stomach decided to grumble only seconds after the Doctor proposed the idea. So he led her towards the spot where lunch had already been served for them.

Avalon keeled over at the chosen spot. They would be having lunch in a gazebo right in the middle of a beautiful lake. The Doctor led her down the boarded bridge up to the stone gazebo decorated with red poppies, her favorite flower.

"This is amazing," she couldn't keep her mouth from falling each time she looked. She gazed over the lake where flowers lazily floated down their direction. She then turned her attention to the table that was truly set with everything they could possibly eat.

"I'm glad to see you like it," the Doctor's voice pulled her eyes off an odd blue slushy-like content inside a bowl.

She turned around with a wide, soft smile. She walked up to him and looped her arms around his neck then kissed him. "You are wonderful. This entire place, the parts that I've seen is all wonderful. But you know...just because I love fairy tales and I call you my Fairy Tale Man doesn't mean you have to do all this for me. I really would've been just as happy with a picnic or a date in the TARDIS."

The Doctor could see her genuine honesty in her eyes. His hearts swelled knowing that she would be satisfied with something simple so long as they were together, but it didn't mean he could stop himself from enchanting her with everything he could get his hands on. "I just really like impressing you," he said, bringing one of his hands to stroke her cheek. "And I think you deserve only the best."

"You gave me the best thing that happened to my life nearly two years ago when you came back for me. Although, one could say that you only came back for me because Lena asked you to." Avalon casually played with his bowtie while she oh-so-innocently asked her question, "Would you have come back for me if Lena hadn't said anything?"

"Without a doubt," the Doctor had the answer within the second she asked it.

She raised her eyes, dropping her hand from her bowtie. "Really?" There were no more innocent games when she asked again. She had been the last one the Doctor came to pick up after the Atraxi incident, who's to say he wouldn't have changed his mind about her if Lena hadn't needed her. "I was in jail the last the time you saw me. You helped me because Lena asked you to. If she hadn't said anything, would you have still helped me? Would you have come back for me like you came for Amy?"

"Of course I would have," the Doctor once again answered her as soon as she asked. He thought these were rhetorical questions, but River's warning came back to mind. Avalon was a strong girl but every now and then she needed reassurance from people around her. "You helped me when you were seven and you did impress me, Avalon. I have never met another child like you and most certainly another woman like you."

A bright pink blush bloomed across Avalon's face, nothing stopping the big grin on her lips though. "I can say with the utmost certainty that I have never met another man like you."

That was music to the Doctor's ears. He leaned down to kiss her, practically meshing their lips together. Avalon's arms around his neck unwinded slightly to touch his hair. She'd learned fast that the Doctor loved getting his hair touched, stroked and tugged on. Who was she to deny him his bit of pleasure when he was so attentive to her likes? She kissed him fervently and let her fingers stroke through his hair for as long as he wanted because really...who would interrupt them? The flowers in the lake? Nobody. That was the best part of this place. They could kiss for as long as they liked, wherever they'd like.

~0~

"Okay, what is that?" Avalon laughed as the Doctor picked up the odd blue gushy stuff in a bowl.

The Doctor seemed to like it judging by his grin. "Oh, you'll love it!" He scooted his chair closer to hers with the bowl in hand. "Try it."

"Right, but you haven't told me what it is," Avalon pointed out, "And I'd rather not be poisoned."

"Oi, you think I'm poisoning you?" the Doctor made a face.

"Payback for what I did."

Even if it was a joke, the Doctor didn't like it. "I would never," he whispered earnestly. "Because you know I forgive you for everything, not like I had to though." He reached over to her and gently tucked a curl behind her ear, though it kept sticking back out. He smiled at her so kindly that Avalon teared up.

"Oh God I will never forgive myself for it," she shook her head.

"Ava, don't think about that stuff. You're here now and you're okay. I won't let anything happen to you, never again."

Avalon smiled through her tears. "Okay, let's try that gushy stuff then." She tried her best to eat it without letting it spill on her dress. They collectively laughed when she slurped it up. "That's ladylike for sure!"

"What'd you think?" the Doctor handed her a napkin.

"I love it! Kind of like blueberry!"

"Excellent, then I know you'll love Akhaten!"

Avalon shot him a confused smile. "Aka-what?"

"Akhaten, you'll love it! It's a planet with a big ole market place and a beautiful sun."

"I'd love to go there," Avalon's smile widened with excitement.

The Doctor chuckled, "I'll take you one day, I promise."

Avalon beamed. Something about making plans for the future made butterflies appear in her stomach. It also made her want to push away all thoughts about Lake Silencio even harder. She couldn't let that future happen. In fact, now she was thinking about the moment a lot clearer. A lot of the Doctor's behavior was beginning to make sense. He'd been a lot nicer to her than what their relationship back then entailed. He didn't even get mad at her for stealing a Milan fashion dress! That should've been her first clue that he'd been a future Doctor. My Doctor wouldn't get so mad at me right now...

"Hey Doctor, what would you think of going back to Milan again for fashion week?"

"I think I would die of boredom 2 seconds after we get there," the Doctor answered with an honest-to-God straight face.

"Well, how about if I nicked something kind of pretty for me?" she arched an eyebrow. "Maybe something kind of sexy?"

That definitely got his attention. "Uh, well..." He cleared his throat, obviously finding nothing to do with himself in the moment. "I-I would think...they...they probably wouldn't miss one silly little dress..."

Avalon smiled widely. The Lake Silencio Doctor was truly a future version. He'd been this Doctor she had in front of him, the one who cared for her so much that he couldn't find a label to describe just how much he felt for her.

"Ava, what's wrong?" the Doctor reached to clear off a tear rolling down her cheek.

She quickly blinked the rest away. She had teared up without noticing. "N-nothing. I'm happy, I'm very happy right now." She took his hand from her face and held it tightly in hers. "You have no idea how much I care for you, Doctor. I'm almost upset that you haven't come up with a good label for us just so I can use it right now."

"I am trying," he assured her. "I might just have to create a new word for us. That is how much I care for you." Avalon chuckled but there were still tears welling in her eyes. It puzzled the Doctor deeply. "Why are you crying, Ava?"

"These are happy tears," she tried to argue but he had come to know her that well now.

"No," he cleared more tears off her face with his free hand. "They're sad tears. What is making my Ava so sad?"

Avalon felt so stupid for ruining their date, but she couldn't stop the tears. He was right, they were sad tears but they were also fearful tears, and even happy tears. She was an outright mess. "I just..." She sniffed and let go of his hand to dry her face completely.

The Doctor pushed his chair back to stand up but Avalon beat him to it. She got up from her chair and easily slipped onto his lap. She pressed her lips to his for a sweet, long kiss. The Doctor truly had no idea what was going on but he would never refuse the chance to kiss her.

A few minutes later, Avalon pulled away but only slightly. She smiled at him but the Doctor could still see that same sadness in her eyes. He stroked her cheek with the back of his hand.

"Tell me what's wrong, Ava, and I'll make it better. I'll always try to make everything better for you."

"Really? Anything?"

"Anything."

Don't be stupid. Avalon took his hand stroking her face and gave it a kiss. "Can you promise me something?"

"Anything." The Doctor was willing and ready which did, admittedly, give Avalon a teeny-tiny bit of hope that maybe this time they could change the future.

"Promise me that we won't end. Promise me that you'll try to stay at my side...at least until you get tired of me."

The Doctor thought it was silly that she'd want to hear this but...if she needed reassurance he'd give it to her. "I promise. I promise to stay at your side..." Until Time would say otherwise and Time had already spoken, he was just too much of a coward to tell her the truth. He made it a routine to check his biography from the Teselecta every day, reminding himself of what was to come in 200 years. Perhaps he was ridiculous for thinking that he could change the future, but having Avalon with him right now, asking him to stay at her side...it created a powerful drive to make it so.

He couldn't fathom not being with her.

She was still holding onto his hand when he maneuvered his fingers to stroke her skin. "I promise that I will be at your side until I die." That was a promise he could keep.

Avalon took in a shaky breath. 'Until I die'. She had been at his side when he died.

"Why don't we finish lunch and then I can show you the rest of this place, hm?" the Doctor asked. He wanted to rid her of those tears ruining her usual clear blue eyes. He brought her hand to his lips and kissed each of her fingers. He was glad to see her smiling by the time he kissed her pinky.

Avalon ultimately nodded her head. She shouldn't waste such a beautiful day on horrid thoughts. "Okay, but one more thing...do I have to get off?"

The Doctor hook his head, grinning almost immediately. "Not at all. But you might have to help me eat..."

Avalon swayed her head then reached for a few grapes on a nearby bowl. She held one to his mouth and watched him take it off swift and easily. She then dropped one into her own mouth and smirked at him.

How the hell can she make that look so seductive? The Doctor figured he wouldn't get that answer, so the least he could do was take advantage of every moment it happened.

~ 0 ~

After lunch, the Doctor got to lead Avalon through the gardens. He had shown her the smaller pools which, unfortunately, he did not allow her to dip her toes in. She rolled her eyes at his excuse that, while being true, was still annoying.

"So I get a cold, what's the big deal?" she was only letting him hold her hand because if not, there was a good chance she'd get lost in the maze they'd entered.

"The big deal is I don't know how aggressive that cold might get and I don't feel like seeing you get a cold. I am the Doctor, remember? My patient is not getting sick on my watch."

"Patient?" she shot him a side-glance. "Is that all I am?"

"Still working on a label my love."

Avalon's head turned in the opposite direction when she felt a blush cross her face. Whenever the Doctor would say 'my love' to her, her face automatically went all warm. She was choosing to ignore the tingle - as best as she could - that was going down her back.

"Not upset are you?" the Doctor noticed her gaze had become stuck on the bright green bush walls.

"No, course not," Avalon finally gave him a well needed look a few seconds later. "I have to say, I love this maze...one could get lost in it forever, huh?"

"No, not really," the Doctor shook his head. "It's not that big."

"Still, a maze? Gardens? Lakes? Doctor, I really love this place," Avalon turned to him with a smile to match what she felt. "I'm curious to see where you might take me tomorrow, on a normal day?"

"Well, 'normal' isn't exactly the word I'd use for us. But to answer your question, I'd take you anywhere you'd like."

"Really? Anywhere?"

"Anywhere. My only rule is that it has to be exceptional for my Ava." The Doctor took her hands into his, intertwining their fingers together.

"Even if it's outrageous?" Avalon bit her lower lip with anticipation. "Could I ask to see something outrageously exceptional, then?"

"Of course. Name something, I dare you."

Avalon hummed while she thought about such an outrageous place that even he couldn't make it happen. "I got it. Can you take me to, I don't know, Neverland?" That had to be impossible for him to reach.

"I'd make it so," the Doctor gently tugged Avalon to him, smiling at her soft laughter. "I would!"

"It's from a movie, Doctor!"

"Doesn't mean I can't find a piece of it somewhere up there," he tilted her chin up to the sky. "Cos that's the best thing about traveling in the TARDIS, Ava. Somewhere in the galaxies, in one small corner, there might be two little stars and we'd only have to go to the second star on the right."

Avalon stared at him with twinkling eyes. "You would make it so even if you couldn't," she said quietly. The Doctor only gave a light shrug, but it was done almost automatic, like an instinct. He didn't know if he could ever find the place but he would try to find it for her. "Second star to the right," she whispered.

"Those are our plans for tomorrow then," the Doctor swooped down to give her a kiss. "Can't wait to see what we come up with for the day after."

Avalon laughed and allowed him to pull her down the maze. "You're going to get us lost!"

"I will not!" he huffed. He stopped them at an intersection and Avalon swore he looked at each path more than what a person who knew what they were doing had to. "I've been here a bunch of times!"

"Oh, who with?" Avalon raised an eyebrow at him, genuinely curious who had had the privilege of seeing this beautiful place.

"What?" the Doctor registered the question a few seconds after choosing to turn to the left. "Who did I...? Oh! I, uh, I think I showed Donna!"

"You don't remember?" Avalon made a face at him, almost looking offended on behalf of Donna.

"Well, it was such a long time ago!"

"But you said Donna used to be your best friend, how could you forget that you came here with her?"

The Doctor came to a slow stop and looked at her. "I do have 900 years worth of memories, Ava. My head's not that big, despite what you all say. Plus, a good chunk of my memories are with the Sapling."

Avalon rolled her eyes and allowed him to finish their way out of the maze. She gave him his credit for finding the way out in five minutes, although she suspected that Donna had played a huge part in finding the way out because Avalon swore that the Doctor had mumbled some type of mnemonic to help him find the way in the end.

"What a beautiful sight," she remarked once they were on the other side. The maze had led them out on a new grassy terrain with a cliff ledge.

The Doctor brought Avalon towards the edge so she could see the waterfall gushing below into a river. Where that ended, Avalon had no clue, but it all looked amazing. The sun was making the water shine a golden shade that Avalon didn't want to look away anytime soon.

"C'mon Ava," the Doctor had to eventually drag her away from the edge. He was a bit afraid that in her attempt to look further below, she might fall. He'd love to make a dive himself but Avalon didn't know how to swim. That would probably be a problem.

"But I want to keep looking," Avalon complained with an arm gesturing at the scenery.

"We can do that, just not right at the edge!" The Doctor brought them back a decent amount from the cliff and then sat down on the grass. He patted the spot beside him and flashed her a smile. With a roll of her eyes, she sat down. As soon as she'd gotten comfortable, the Doctor moved again.

"Doctor, what are you...?" Avalon laughed when he made himself comfortable with his head over her lap. He shifted far too much, making it a show until he finally found his spot. "Are you good now?" Avalon looked down at him with another laugh.

"Oh yeah," he nodded but a few seconds later Avalon noticed the quick dart his eyes did to the opposite direction.

"What is it?"

"Um, your, uh..." he coughed in an obvious manner of awkwardness. "It is a beautiful dress you're wearing, Ava."

Avalon blushed when she realized he'd gotten a little glimpse through the hole of her dress below her chest. She pressed her dress and cleared her throat. "Sorry. You can look now."

The Doctor suspected she wasn't very sorry, and if he was going to admit silently then he wasn't sorry either. You are way ahead of yourself, Doctor. Calm down.

"I bet your mind just rushed with new thoughts, didn't it?" Avalon smirked.

"Oh, shut up!"

"Alright, alright, I'll let it go because you're doing so good today."

"I am?"

"Mhm," Avalon started stroking his hair, much to his delight.

The Doctor was sure that she had the most gentle fingers. She was a writer so maybe that had to do with it. But there's no explanation for the way she makes me feel when she touches my hair. Several times the Doctor had to swallow a moan. He wasn't sure if Avalon knew what she caused, but either way he couldn't ask her to stop. It felt too good.

"Don't fall asleep on me, Fairy Tale Man," Avalon chuckled when a few minutes had passed by and the Doctor hadn't opened his eyes.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" the Doctor cracked one eye open. "I heard from Amy about your little tricks at your sleepovers. You drew all over her face and you had the audacity to scribble a little 'sincerely Ava' under." If he had, had the slightest doubt that his Ava could pull off something like that, the confirmation was all in Avalon's smirk. "You are one bad girl."

"And yet you don't sound the least bit upset about it," Avalon bopped her nose over his roguish lips.

"I do like myself a bad girl, especially the gingers. They're the feistiest!"

"Are you speaking from experience? Have you dated another ginger like me?" Avalon scrunched her face as soon as she realized what she asked. She placed her finger over his lips before he could answer her. "I'm not sure I can handle the long list you have of significant others." She raised her finger from his lips and sighed. "That doesn't mean I would want you to forget about them, though. I mean...I'm not gonna be one of those people demanding you forget every other relationship you've ever had."

"I thank you for that, and it's the same for you, you know," the Doctor reached up to her face and stroked her plump pink lips. "But that doesn't mean I'd like to hear who else had the privilege of kissing these lips."

Avalon rolled her eyes. "Many have had the fortune but none will have it now but you. I hope you extend me the same courtesy."

"You know it."

"I hope so because I know your track record, mister. Almost every companion has had a piece of you!"

"That was...that's...I didn't do anything!"

"Oh, I'm sure!" Avalon would've bantered more with him if he wasn't reacting so serious. He should know by now that this was just her way of being. "Calm down, Fairy Tale Man. I'm just pulling your leg."

"Well, can you pull my hair instead?" the Doctor didn't hesitate to respond with. He short her a smirk and pointed to his unkempt hair.

"You are so..." Avalon wouldn't be able to find the right word to describe him and she wasn't going to spend all day thinking of one. She let her fingers once again run through his hair and smiled when he saw the satisfaction on the Doctor's face. "Can I ask you something?"

"Always."

"I, uh...you know that I know about your past, perhaps not all of it but a good amount. You don't have to answer if you don't want to, I would really get it..."

"You're rambling, Ava," the Doctor opened his eyes to see her struggling face. "What is it?"

"I know about your last love, your most recent last love." Soon as she started with those words, she felt the Doctor's body stiffen. "There's no resentment, Doctor. Never. I'm only curious about her. Rose Tyler was her name. Kovarian mentioned her a lot. She said that Rose unintentionally helped the Daleks break through the walls of the universe."

"She had no idea what she was doing," the Doctor said quietly. "She wanted to come back to this world..."

"...to find you?" Avalon smiled softly at him, truly bearing no type of anger or resentment like she said. "I can admire that. She broke through parallel walls just to find you. Must have been one hell of a love story."

"It was," the Doctor said after a minute of struggle. He wasn't used to talking about his past with anyone, much less to think about people like Rose, people that had meant a lot to him.

"You can always talk to me, Fairy Tale Man," Avalon whispered and the Doctor wasn't sure if she was doing it on purpose or subconsciously, but her fingers found a gentler way of stroking his hair. "Is there something you want to tell me about Rose Tyler? Let somebody new in on her memory?"

The Doctor smiled. My Ava. "She was sweet, she was young - she was your age when we first met. Nineteen. She worked at a shop and...she didn't really know what she was doing with her life."

"I felt that," Avalon chuckled. She never knew what she was going to do with her life before the Doctor returned to Leadworth.

"Travelling helped her find her way. But then she got pulled into a parallel world. She almost died but she was saved. Being stuck in that parallel world was better than for her to have died in the Void with the Daleks and Cybermen."

Avalon fingers stopped between the Doctor's hair. "The Daleks and Cybermen..." she whispered. She closed her eyes when the memories tried coming back. "Kovarian showed me so many pictures of that battle...I can't...I can't believe it..."

"I'm sorry," the Doctor said, feeling guilty he was bringing back the things she wanted to clearly forget.

"No, no, you're good. I...I wasn't even there, I mean...I wasn't in the eye of the storm where it happened. But you were...you were there when your friend got lost. I'm so sorry it happened."

"It started a lot of things," the Doctor said with a saddened smile. Losing Rose had been one of the most terrible days of his life, but it truly did start different stories afterwards. "I met Martha soon after - actually, I met Donna before and then Martha but then I found Donna again."

"Lucky her," Avalon resumed with her gentle fingers gliding through his hair.

"Yeah...no...no, she wasn't. It was fate. I met her to lose her as well."

"You always say that I remind you of Donna," Avalon said, unable to keep her curiosity hidden. "Why's that? Besides the ginger thing of course. That doesn't automatically make us twins or something."

The Doctor chuckled. "I know. You two shout at me the same way, the only difference is now I can kiss you to shut you up. If I did that with Donna she'd kill me. She made it very clear to on her first day in the TARDIS that she did not want anything to do with me beyond friendship."

"Did she shout it?"

"A possibility."

"Alright Donna," Avalon smiled.

"I wish you could have met her, Avalon. I think out of everyone I met before you and the Ponds, you would've gotten along with Donna the best. She could be reckless and fun when she wanted to be. She grew to become confident, to love who she was. She was brave as hell and so sympathetic to others. She had some very good snaps and comebacks too. She even gave me my own nickname like you did. Spaceman." Just remembering the many times Donna would call him 'spaceman' made him long for the times with his best friend. He'd love to have Donna around so she could meet Avalon and no doubt make fun of him for taking so long to open up about his feelings.

Avalon tilted her head in thought. "Spaceman...I like it. Not as much as Fairy Tale Man but...she had taste." She looked down at him to find him lost in thoughts, no doubt about Donna. "You really miss her, huh?"

"Yeah. If I hadn't had to wipe her memories, I'm sure she would still be here. She would be making endless jokes about the fact we had a cosmic tree child."

Avalon laughed. "You think so?"

"I know so!"

"She sounds great, Doctor, really. She and Rose do. I'm so sorry that you lost them."

The Doctor sobered from his own laugh but when he smiled, it was no longer sad. He gazed up at her and met her lovable sea-blue eyes. He finally sat up and shifted to sit beside her, facing her, with one arm going over her lap to rest on her other side. "I lost them but I have you now. I did love Rose, I won't lie - not that I could - but I lost her a long time ago. And I understood why. She wasn't for me. She wasn't...mine. You are. And Donna's gone, my best friend, but I found new friends. I have Amy, Rory, and my sweet baby sister Lena. I have all of you now."

Avalon's eyes glistened with tears. "Why do you always make me tear up dammit?"

"I'm sorry, dear," the Doctor rubbed his thumb over her cheek.

"They're happy tears, trust me," Avalon said, this time genuinely truthful. "I'm happy that you're happy. Let's me know that I'm doing a good job here."

"Of course you are. No matter what you do I'm happy, so long as you're by my side." He leaned closer to her, purposely pausing just in front of her lips to give her a heads up of what was coming. "Are you happy?"

Avalon felt like that was a ridiculous question to ask, but she humored him. "Very. I wish I could thank Rose and Donna, and everyone else who came before me, for saving your ass so you could be here with me."

The Doctor rolled his eyes. "You just couldn't help yourself, huh?"

"No..." Avalon giggled. "I'm really bad."

"Yeah," the Doctor agreed before kissing her. God knows what else she might say.

~ 0 ~

"Hey Doctor, I just realized, how come you didn't tell me about your other friend, Martha Jones?" Avalon asked once the pair were out of the maze and cliff altogether. They were in front of a rectangle-shaped, 2ft pool. Avalon noticed the stone flower statues lining the middle of the pool.

"Oh, uh, cos I'm saving her for a better moment," the Doctor said, flashing her a mischievous smile.

"What are you up to Fairy Tale Man?"

The Doctor turned to her, letting his mischievous smile widen even more. "Confession time?"

"Always!"

"Back when I was looking for you, I actually had some help from my old friend Martha. I thought we might pop back to see her and you can meet her."

Avalon nodded excitedly. "I'd love that! You think she'd like me?"

"Of course she would," the Doctor said, preferring not to think about how Martha had implied this relationship was coming. He'd just have to suck it up and admit she was right sooner or later. "And, I guess...we could get our mutual old friend...Jack..."

Avalon had heard the name perfectly despite how low the Doctor had muttered it. "Jack!? Oh my God, I'd love to see him again! I haven't seem him in such a long time!"

"Please...try to look excited..." the Doctor's face was completely flat while Avalon practically bounced at the idea of seeing the old immortal man.

"I am!" Avalon laughed, not noticing his expression yet. "I love Jack! He just gets me and my weaponry interests!"

"Oh, well...so long as you're happy, I guess..."

Avalon rolled her eyes when she finally got his disdain. "Oh Fairy Tale Man. He's my friend! I"m allowed to have friends that are men!"

"Yeah, but Jack just loves to flirt with everyone and so do you! I dread to think of what it's gonna be like seeing you flirt with him!"

"Jealous?" a sly smile took Avalon's face. The Doctor huffed and looked away. "I guess I should keep my mouth shut about my actual previous boyfriends, then?"

"Yeah!"

"Did you say no? I heard 'no'!" Avalon turned away with her hands clapped together. "Let's see, oh! How about my very first boyfriend? Ah, Leo. I liked Leo a lot. You know he took me on a date to the ice cream parlor!"

"Gah," the Doctor waved her off. "Pales in comparison to all this!" He flapped his arms to his sides, gesturing to the beautiful gardens around them.

Avalon kept her back to him but was smirking. She was getting a rile out of him and it was the most hilarious thing ever! "I had my first kiss with him too! I was fifteen but, eh, nothing wrong with a late bloomer! Then there was Benjamin. He was such a sweetheart," Avalon brought a hand over her chest. "He wrote poems for me!"

The Doctor let his arms fall to his sides. He was about to shoot her a comeback but he could tell, even when she wasn't facing him, that she'd started to truly reminisce about her past, just like he had. He couldn't be mad at that. "Did he write them well?" he asked suddenly.

Avalon turned sideways and nodded silently. "He uh...he actually asked me if I..." she chuckled, "He asked me to our school dance in a poem. It was such a cheesy poem but I was so excited cos it was my first school dance." She didn't exactly make the best reputation for herself in school so having a guy actually write her a poem just to ask her out to a dance was beyond her. It still warmed her heart. "Mum took me out shopping for a dress, she tried her best to make this-" she grabbed one of her curls, "-decent, and she let me wear her special lip gloss. Benjy...he was one of the sweet guys."

"Benjy..." the Doctor repeated though there was a light laugh that slipped through his lips. "Then I like him for being thoughtful."

"Really?" Avalon set a hand on her hip. "Cos a minute ago you looked ready to yell."

"Well...you deserve some good memories too, and if 'Benjy'-" the Doctor brought his fingers to the air for quotation marks, "-made you happy then I'm happy too."

"He did," Avalon nodded. "And then a year later he had to move to Scotland. I hated Amy so much..." There, the Doctor laughed. "Her stupid country took away my Benjy!"

"Oh, Ava!"

Avalon sighed, waving him off. "That was my first real break up. I was so sad. Took me forever to get over him. But then I dated again, met Jordan. He was a bad guy..." She smirked and the Doctor had to keep himself refrained from moving when she started biting her lip. "He had the black leather jacket...oh! I had some good times with him."

"Really?"

"Mhm. He was a good kisser."

"So what happened to him, then?"

"Dumped me for some other girl," Avalon scowled.

"Oh," the Doctor wasn't expecting that answer, least not yet. "I'm sorry..."

Avalon shrugged. "Wasn't my first, wasn't my last. I had a couple more boyfriends after that but I don't think they were very meaningful."

"No more 'Benjy's'?" the Doctor asked her, a tiny smile quirking across his lips.

"A few but...I don't know, some of the guys were just boring and others wanted things I didn't want. I think only ever liked Benjy. We dated for a year until he moved. My last boyfriend, the one that dumped me the night you came back for me, remember?"

The Doctor nodded. He remembered her face full of tears. Now that guy deserved all his hatred. No one should make his Ava cry.

"He was fine. We were fine but...I wanted to find Lena and he thought I was getting obsessed. He couldn't handle it so he broke up with me." Avalon exhaled deeply, letting her shoulders once again awkwardly shrug. "I didn't have epic love stories like you did..."

"But they're your stories," the Doctor moved up to her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Mm, and I wouldn't change them," Avalon pecked his lips and turned around to watch the pool, resting her back against his chest.

The Doctor couldn't help think about her words for a moment. They were the same ones River had told him back when Avalon had escaped the TARDIS to visit her in Stormcage.

His thoughts were interrupted when the sprinklers of the pool turned on. Avalon yelped when the drizzle of water and mist fell over them. She turned around and buried her face in his chest. "Not my make up!"

The Doctor laughed and hurried them away from the sight. "C'mon, Ava!"

They ran down the gardens, only stopping here and there to admire. One part of the gardens had a field dedicated to statues. There was no pattern nor order, just statues meant to be admired by the guests. They were gorgeous...only Avalon found one that reminded her too much of the Silence, so the Doctor quickly changed venues. But funny thing was, after they left the statues, they forgot all about it.

"Is the sun setting already?" Avalon asked as they began nearing the building where the TARDIS was. The sun was getting covered by clouds and actually...there seemed to be a lot of clouds suddenly.

"I'm afraid so," the Doctor lamented like her that their day was coming to an end.

"Still, our day together was rather nice..." Avalon side-glanced him. "Right?"

"Truly." The Doctor brought her hand to his lips for a kiss. "The first of many." Avalon beamed. She would love to see what else he could come up with. "C'mon," he led her down the pool aisle to return to the front, but Avalon let go of his hand midway. He turned back to see her gazing at the two pools. "Ava?"

"Are these like...sacred pools or something?"

"What? No, no, they're purely here for aesthetic reasons."

"Ah..."

"Why?"

Avalon smirked at the water, giving the Doctor about a second to realize what she was thinking before she actually did it.

"Avalon-"

Avalon hopped into the water, splashing the water around her. The water only reached to her ankles but it was enough for her to have fun wiggling her way through it while splashing.

"Avalon! Get out of there! You'll get sick!" the Doctor called to her in vain.

"Don't be a spoilsport!" She called and kicked some water his way. "I can't swim so this is as close to a pool as I'll ever get! C'mon!" She walked towards him, ignoring his refusals, and splashed some water his way.

"You are childish!" He stepped his boots hard on the ground to get rid of the water they now had.

"And yet you're smiling! C'mon!" She reached down and pushed more water in his way. "We're about to leave anyways! One more shenanigan!"

The Doctor exhaled and finally looked at her. Shenanigans. That was literally what they did most and it was always so much fun and...spontaneous. He couldn't plan around Avalon because even when he did - like this entire place - she always did something out of his plans. And he loved it. She brought him the thrill he didn't know he needed.

"Coming, Fairy Tale Man?" Avalon backed away and twirled about in the water.

The Doctor thought she looked beautiful. She looked happy. It was nothing compared to Berlin, or after. His Ava was happy...and she was calling him to her side, right where he once told River he'd love to be. Almost like he was in a trance, the Doctor hopped into the pool. Avalon was still twirling when the Doctor reached her. He picked her up midspin from behind and heard her laugh as he gave her another spin.

"Gotcha my dear!" He planted her feet back on the ground but kept his arms locked around her waist, only offering her space so she could turn to face him.

"Couldn't resist, could you?" Avalon cheekily smiled at him.

"I could never resist you."

"Smooth," she rolled her eyes. She danced her fingers along his chest until they came to rest over his shoulders. "Is this the end, then? Has our date come to an end?"

"Not quite, there's one more thing we have to do."

"What is i-"

The Doctor swooped down for a surprise kiss then hurried out of the pool. His feet splashed the water all around until he made it to the cement ground. "But you'll need to get out of that pool!" He called back to the ginger still in the pool.

Avalon laughed. "Why? What are you doing?" She watched him dash for the TARDIS and because she was overly curious, she listened to his words and walked out of the pool.

She raised her head to the sky and saw the clouds getting darker. Maybe it was a good thing their date was ending because it looked like there was rain coming. Her thoughts were interrupted by a soft tune that started from the TARDIS. It only took Avalon a few seconds to recognize it. He'd chosen to play Once Upon A Dream for her.

She laughed just as the Doctor came out of the TARDIS. She wouldn't even bother with his smug face - he deserved it this time. "That's my song, our song..."

"Our first dance," the Doctor hurriedly hopped down the steps to join her by the pool.

"How could I forget?" Avalon sighed in content. It'd been the first day she felt genuinely happy with him. He'd taken her to meet Mary Costa and she'd become a singer to the very song now playing.

"Would you like to dance, princess?" the Doctor held a hand out for her.

"There's nothing else I'd like to do, my knight in shining armor," Avalon did the familiar bow of a princess then took his hand.

The Doctor gently pulled her up to him and set his free hand on her waist. Avalon gripped his other hand that held hers and rested her free hand on his shoulder. The two descended into a slow dance. They were so into their moment that they completely ignored - or perhaps they didn't even hear - the thunder cracking in the sky.

"Now it's a perfect date," the Doctor murmured beside Avalon's ear.

She slightly tilted her head in the opposite direction, smiling so widely it could possibly crack her face. "It was a perfect date from the start. I have never had somebody go through this much trouble just for me."

"You deserve everything, Avalon," he pressed a kiss to her cheek.

She doubted that she did. There was no denying that her background involved a lot of running from the law. She liked the running too, the adrenaline. She made some bad choices in the past and it seemed like she would continue doing the same. There was a part of her that feared her bad choices would lead her to Lake Silencio. What if I'm the one in the astronaut suit? What if the Silence weren't done with me? Avalon screwed her eyes shut in terrible fear. She couldn't let that happen. She would rather die than ever become a weapon for them.

"Ava?" the Doctor gently called her name. He didn't know what was running through her head but he figured it couldn't be good if it had her squeezing her eyes shut. "Are you okay?"

Avalon opened her eyes and smiled lightly. "With you? Always."

This time they heard the thunder roar but Avalon gripped the Doctor to their spot. She wasn't ready to leave yet. "I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream. I know you! The gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam..."

The Doctor smiled. Of course. They couldn't leave until the princess sang her song. And he loved this princess' voice as much as he loved when she stroked his hair. They danced together as Avalon's melodic voice filled the air.

"Yet I know it's true the visions are seldom all they seem. But if I know you, I know what you'll do..." she laughed when the Doctor dipped her, keeping their faces close together. "You'll love me at once, the way you did once upon a dream..."

The Doctor brought her back up but kissed her midway, unable to help himself even if it caught her song off. Avalon didn't seem to mind. She moved her lips with his for as long as she could, or they could...

Thunder cracked one more time before the rain started. They parted from their kiss only slightly to look at each other.

"But if I know you, I know what you'll do. You'll love me at once, the way you did once upon a dream..." Avalon finished with the biggest smile on her face.

The water was thinning her curls, flattening them to her face and body. She watched the droplets of water drip from the Doctor's strands of hair over his forehead. She reached her hand over and gently moved his hair to the side.

"Singing and dancing in the rain, now we have the perfect ending to the perfect date," she said, laughing when the Doctor gave them another sway of a dance. "I will never forget this day, Fairy Tale Man." She leaned over and kissed him, wrapping her arms around his neck the more they kissed.

A kiss under the rain was truly the last bit they needed before they could leave such an enchanting place.

When the Doctor heard actual lightning strike, he knew it was time to go. Still, he reluctantly pulled away from Avalon but she wasn't letting him go. "Time to go home, princess."

Avalon smiled and nodded. She had dressed for heat, not rain. "Okay." She unwinded her arms from his neck and let the Doctor guide them towards the TARDIS. Neither of them noticed a small, truly minuscule, device had been placed on one of its sides. When the TARDIS dematerialized, the bug device flashed to life.

"The time has come to collect the rest of my memoriesssss." The Scream emerged from the building's back door. He raised a handheld device in his hand, a tracker of his own unique kind, and watched it. "I will follow youuuu Doctor. I know exactly how to take what's miiiiine."

[snapsicle]

Chalk Flu- Chapter 1

heya! finally finished chapter 1- it’s a semi-long one, just a warning! 

chapter summary: Snap comes down with a strange illness, and Rudy and Penny need to find the cure. They visit a library to try and find out more. 

TW: Illness, death mention, gross-out, germs, bugs/insects. 

the whole 5 pages are underneath the cut! 

It was a sunny afternoon in Chalkzone, like it always was, the sun’s many triangular points rotating around it in a rhythmic pattern, shining warm beams of sun onto the ‘zoners below it. Snap was busy sunbathing, underneath a tree, sighing, sipping on a halved coconut full of water. 

“Ah, this is the life, ain’t it?” He reclined. “What a lovely day.” Under his breath, he hoped he didn’t jinx it. 

Today was the day Rudy was going to visit chalkzone for the first time in 2 weeks- he was really busy with his studies, considering he was a freshman in middle school, it was a little bit of a heavier workload than he was used to. It had been another 2 years, Rudy was 12 now, a 7th grader- the youngest in his class, with a summer birthday. Snap usually waited around the portal, but he almost had a 6th sense of when it was going to open. He recalled that Penny was probably coming too. 

Snap reclined further, almost laying down now. He sighed loudly as if Rudy could hear him getting annoyed. Rudy was coming to chalkzone less and less now, and it was becoming more apparent- this drove Snap up a wall. His train of thought was interrupted though, suddenly, when he felt something crawling up his leg. He attempted to brush it off, but it seemed to cling. This is when he stopped to look at it. It was a weird little green germ, and Snap wrinkled his nose. 

“Hey! Get offa me!” He said, attempting to swipe the little circular green amoeba off his leg. It stuck to his glove. “Wha- You don’t know when to quit, do ya?” 

Before he knew it, the green thing had jumped on his face. This is when Snap really began to panic. He yelped in surprise and started slapping at his face in a desperate attempt to kill the tiny ‘zoner, and winced as it crawled into his mouth, almost gagging. He attempted to cough it up, but he was sure he’d swallowed it, and he stuck his tongue out. “BLEGH, that’s DISGUSTING!” He cried, and made exaggerated choking and gagging noises. 

“Gee, I hope that thing doesn’t make me sick.” Snap shuddered. “I’m getting a little tired of things wanting to eat me and things wanting ME to eat THEM.” Snap had lost his appetite. 

That’s when Rudy and Penny both opened the portal. Snap saw the familiar sparkling of the magic chalk in the distance, and he hopped up onto his feet, watching Rudy and Penny jump in through the magical gateway. He smiled to greet them. 

“Heya bucko, buckette, how’s life?” Snap said. “Long time no see, amiright?” 

“Haha, yup, life’s good alright!” Rudy said, scratching the back of his head. “Sorry I haven’t been here awhile. You know I’ve been really busy with work, and stuff.” 

“Nah, don’t even worry about it, Rudy!” Snap said. “You’re here now, and that’s what matters!” and with that, Snap felt a tingling in his nose. He drew back, and sneezed- a loud “ACHOO!” that blew him to the ground. He wiped his nose. “Oy coloy, I hope this ain't the start of somethin’.” Snap smiled weakly and Rudy helped him to his feet. 

“Alrighty! What did you fellas wanna do today?” Penny said. “We could visit the candy cane forest, or go to the Globetheater, or River Rafting, or sledding, or catch a show in nightzone, or-” Penny paused. “Wait.. Snap, there's something on your face.” 

“Wait, really? What is it?” Snap said, wiping at his cheeks. 

“It looks like a purple pepperoni.” Penny commented. 

“Yeah Snap, on the left side of your face-” Rudy said. “Right about here.” He pointed to his left cheek right below the eye. 

“What?? It’s not comin’ off!” Snap cried. “Ugh,” Snap’s train of thought was interrupted with another sneeze. Pop! Another purple spot appeared, this time on his stomach. Pop! Pop! Pop! More purple spots started appearing all over Snap’s body! 

“Wh-wh-wha??” Snap said. “AAACHOOO!!” He said, and this sneeze almost knocked him out. 

Penny and Rudy winced. “Penny, what should we do?” Rudy said, cringing. 

“He’s clearly sick with some kind of chalkzone-specific disease.” Penny said calmly. 

“So much for our play-date,” Rudy said flatly. 

“THIS- ACHOO- Isn’t- ACHOO- FUNNY!- AAACHOO!” Snap said, wiping his nose. “I think it was that stupid little bug i swallowed earlier- ACHOO!” 

“Bug?” Penny said. “You swallowed a bug?” 

“Not exactly a bug-” Snap said, and his train of thought was interrupted by his chalk-white face turning a brilliant shade of green. “Wha…. Anyway, It was this little, teeny tiny germ-lookin’ thing.” Snap said, sniffling. “Did it get suddenly colder in here, or is it just me?” 

“Patient 0,” Penny said. 

“Patient 0?” Rudy repeated questioningly. 

“I’ve seen it in all kinds of plague movies! He’s the first one to get the disease. They call that Patient 0,” Penny explained. 

“Something about this doesn’t feel so good,” Rudy said. “It’s like the inflatermaus all over again.” 

“C’mon Snap, let’s get you home.” Penny said, scooping him up and carrying him over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes. 

“Are you sure you should be…. Touching him?” Rudy said. 

“Don’t worry Rudy,” Penny said. “We’re human! Snap is chalk, and so is the disease, I’m assuming. We can’t be affected by it.” 

“Oh yeah. Almost forgot.” Rudy said. 

Snap’s house was a ways away, but Rudy and Penny had no trouble getting him there, although Snap was making dramatic, exaggerated groaning noises the whole time Penny and Rudy hauled him all the way to his house, all the while rolling their eyes. Once they got to the door, Rudy located the key underneath the doormat, and opened up the door, greeted with the smell of pot roast and Blocky sitting on the couch and reading a comic book. With the sound of the opening door, he looked up and put down his comic. 

“Hey Penny, Hey Rudy! Hey Sn-- Snap?“ He looked a little concerned. “What's going on?? Is Snap alright??“

Snap weakly waved his arm up at Blocky. “I'm fine, don't worry about little ol- ACHOO- me… uahahhh..“

“Yeah, he's sick.” Rudy said flatly. 

“We need you to temporarily take care of him while we figure out what to do.“ Penny added. “But! Be very careful, because you can catch his disease as well!“

“Ah! Poor baby,“ Blocky said. “Snap has been sick before, and I took really good care of him. I promise I'll take care of him and be real, real careful, and nurse him back to health!“

“Thank you Blocky.“ Penny responded. “We really appreciate your help.“

Penny set Snap down on the carpet and Snap sneezed and knocked himself to the ground. Blocky walked up and scooped him into his arms, holding him as if he were a baby. 

“We seriously cannot thank you enough for taking care of him while we go figure out what to do,“ Rudy added. “Make sure to not leave your house or let Snap leave unless you ABSOLUTELY need to!“ 

Blocky nodded. “Can do! I'm gonna go take this poor sick little thing to his bed,“

Snap groaned. 

With one last nod, Rudy and Penny left the house, and started aimlessly wandering away from the little cottage. “At least we know he's in good hands,“ Rudy said, giggling slightly. “So. What do you think we should do now? What is there to do?“

“We obviously can't just ignore it and mess around,“ Penny said. “Out of all the chalkzone diseases i've researched i've never seen ANYTHING like this. We have no idea what it can do to a zoner!” 

“Agreed,“ Rudy said. “It could be highly infectious and debilitating, or worse-“ Rudy gulped. 

“I think I know just the place to get some research done.“ Penny responded. 

“Are you thinking what I'm thinking?“ Rudy raised one eyebrow.

“Hug Bugs library?“ Penny said. 

“Lead the way!“ Rudy said, bowing and gesturing towards the direction of the distant library. 

“Lets go!“ And so they began their journey towards the massive, looming library in the distance. 

The walk wasn't unpleasant- nor was it particularly fun, there was interesting sights to see and many distinctive landmarks that led them straight to the giant, rotting building filled with everything from shiny new books to ancient tomes. The building almost didn't look like a library, it was almost like a Victorian castle, with twisted spires covered in moss and vines and amazing curved and spiked architecture, looming what seemed like miles above the two small kids. 

“There it is...“ Rudy said. 

“I've seen it before, is the thing, but it never fails to blow me away,“ Penny said. “An amazing display of chalkzone architectural prowess.“

“A display it is, indeed.“ Rudy said. “Lets go inside.“ 

They walked through the massive swinging doors decorated with strange engraved knocker gargoyles. When they came in, the inside was just as spectacular as the outside- and there were many little caterpillar zoners running around, moving books from place to place, scuttling almost as if they don't even notice anyone else. In addition to that, there were many larger zoners browzing books, some reading, others talking quietly over coffee, and Rudy and Penny honestly didn't know where to start. The ceilings were high and stacked all the way up with books. There were little bug-assistants that could crawl up and fetch one for you, but there was also massive cream-colored ladders leading up to each section, which you could theoretically climb to find the book you need- and it was all neatly organized using the dewey decimal system. 

“Woah...“ Rudy said. “You know what we need to do now.“ 

“Find Hug Bug. Agreed,“ Penny added. “There's no way we can comb through all this information all by ourselves and still have time to spare.“

“That means we have to go into the more… secret sections of the library. The other librarians won't like that,“ Rudy said. 

“I'm not too excited about it either. If we get stopped, we do have an excuse.“ Penny said. 

Behind one of the bookshelves is a gap barely big enough for one of Hug Bugs body segments to squeeze through- and a secret door on the inside. It wasn't strictly forbidden to go inside- but not many zoners knew about it. Behind the door is where the REAL powerful books are. Books about necromancy, spells, hexes, curses- and age-old secret family recipes. Rudy and Penny silently slipped behind the bookshelf, and creeped through the massive, heavy doorway, making a quiet scraping sound, but that's about it. Immediately, they felt a soft breeze as the candles alongside the walkways illuminated instantly. 

“Gee, I forgot how creepy it is here.” Penny said. 

The caterpillars scuttling across the floors and walls all turned to stare at them menacingly. Like they were judging their every move, ready to forcefully throw them out. 

“We come in peace,” Rudy said weakly. “We’re looking for Hug Bug?” He spoke, and with that, the little caterpillars began chattering amongst each other quickly and quietly. 

“I’ve got a bad feeling about this.” Rudy muttered, as if the caterpillars could hear him. 

After a couple seconds, the chattering turned into soft giggling, and then into uproarious laughter. All of the sudden, in the ancient, empty hall, Rudy felt a presence behind him.

Rudy jumped and yelped when he felt something soft and twice his size embrace him tightly, suddenly, almost choking him. After a few seconds, he realized who it was. 

“Hug Bug!” Penny and Rudy cried in almost perfect unison. And Hug Bug released Rudy, and he stumbled to his feet. 

“Well well well well well, look who it is!” Hug Bug drawled, “Great creator Rudy, and his genius girlfriend!” 

“Well- She’s not really my-” 

“What are you two doing in my woooonderful library?” Hug Bug said, his voice deep and cartoonishly slow. Hug Bug himself was like a giant, multicolored version of his little caterpillar assistants, little book-sized pouches on the front of his many body segments, and a little bell attached to a silk ribbon tied around his neck. The bell rang sometimes, sure, but somehow, when he was sneaking up on you, you never heard it until the last second, and then it’s too late, and you’re smothered in giant plush bug cuddles! Truly a stealth predator. 

“You see, Hug Bug, Our friend Snap-” Penny said, and was cut off by the massive insect,

“OH, Snap! I looooove Snap. He’s one of my favorite guests.” 

“Ahem. As I was saying, Our friend Snap, he’s in some deep trouble,” Penny explained. “You see, he’s sick, and he has a disease that i’ve never even seen before.” 

“Yeees, of course- a disease- and you neeeed my help to find a cuuuure…” Hug Bug rested his face on his hands. “What a predicament…” 

“Well, actually, we were just wondering if you could point us in the direction of any books that might hold the secret to this strange disease.” Rudy said bashfully. 

“Hmm… What are the symptoms…?” Hug Bug spoke. 

“Well, Snap claims he swallowed a little green germ, and then he started sneezing, got covered in purple spots-” Penny continued. 

“And he turned green!” Rudy finished her sentence. 

“Ohhhh, that doesn’t sound the slightest bit familiar to me…” Hug Bug seemed concerned now. “I think I have a book that might interest you, though…” He said, suddenly scuttling up the wall at inhuman speeds, pulling on a book at one of the highest, strangest-looking shelves in the secret room, and all the little caterpillars seemed to gasp when he did so. After he pulled on the book though, strangely, he just let go of it, and it slid back into place. Could it have been a secret lever? A strange shifting and scraping sound confirmed their suspicions. 

A pedestal slowly came up from below the floorboards, revealing a small, dusty, odd-looking bookshelf that wasn’t there before. One of the books, though, stood out, as it was resting on the top, and the cover was green and covered in purple spots- the title was “CHALKZONE PLAGUES” in a blocky, black font scrawled across the entire front cover. 

“I think this might help youuu…” Hug Bug scuttled back down quickly, and handed them the book after dusting it off with one of his mitten-like hands. 

“Uhh… Plagues?” Rudy gulped. 

“I’ve got a real, real bad feeling about this, Rudy.” Penny said. “Let’s see what we can find. Thank you so much, Hug Bug,” Penny continued, and was forcefully scooped up into a big, warm hug. 

“Take care you twooooo! Hope my books find a way to help you… You can come back anytime... And make sure to invite me to the wedding...” Hug Bug giggled, and scuttled off to take care of other business. 

Penny and Rudy laughed nervously and rolled their eyes. 

“Ahem. Anyway, let’s see what we can find-” Penny opened to the table of contents. 

“Hmm. Topical diseases, infections, transformation-type diseases- plagues,” Penny read. “I really don’t know where to start.” 

“It’s just one book, that hopefully has the answer we need,” Rudy said. “We just need to try and track down the type of disease he has. First. Let’s check in plagues,” 

Penny flipped to a seemingly random page- “no,” She mumbled. 

“What about this?” Rudy flipped to another page, and found a graphic that looked almost identical to what Snap’s symptoms looked like. They both gasped. 

“It says here- This disease- Dubbed simply “Chalk Flu”, is brought upon by swallowing a small germ-” Penny read, “And the only cure is the Chameleon Lotus Tea, found only in Barney’s impenetrable forest!” Penny read further, “And if left untreated… Victims will…” Penny winced. “So this is pretty serious.” Rudy said, cringing. “Looks like we need to take a visit to our favorite Encyclocentipedia.” 

“He won’t be happy to see us, that’s for sure.” Penny said. “Last time we were there, it wasn’t exactly a relaxing experience.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll try our best not to rope him into anything this time… And he owes me one.” Rudy responded. 

“Alrighty. That settles it. Before we go, we better check on Snap and Blocky,” Penny said. “Make sure nothing has happened. Then we go.” 

“Agreed. Gotta make sure it doesn’t spread to anyone else.” Rudy responded. “I sure hope he’s okay…” 

[paw-patrol-kiddo]

2017 for my regressive side

Well guys, this is it; we’re really already at the end of 2017! Hard to believe, ain’t it? Well, I normally don’t do year review thingies, bu’ I figured I should probably do one this year, mostly cause this year’s been the best out of all the years of my life- and that’s saying a lot. I mostly wanna cover what this year has held for my regressive side, also with bits of stuff that happened in my big girl life!

If ya want, I’d love if ya made one of these posts about what this year held for your regressive side and you tagged me in it! Chances are, I’ll be reading it and replying very quickly! 

Anyways, time for the year review! It begins below the cut!

This year’s held a lot of things for my regressive side; a lot more than the previous years. I’m going to try and cover everything, for every month of the year!

January held my fifteenth birthday and also marked four years since I started liking diapers nonstop again, which ultimately led to me beginning to age regress. I discovered that it seems my regressive side is most active this month, something that’s really helpful to know for obvious reasons. I attempted to indulge in my regressive side discreetly to cope with stress, as I was still hiding this whole thing at the time and seldom spoke about it to Kaiya, my younger sister. I also remember that the month before, I stopped identifying as a chireb, and was trying to find a new label for myself, but was failing. This was frustrating to me.

I don’t really remember a whole lot about February! Not much that I can note, that is. Thinking about it, this month is kinda a blurry, confusing mess if that says anything; I just can’t remember a whole lot from it! I think either this month or the month after was when I gave up on finding a label and just settled on the generic age regressor term.

March held quite a bit of things for my big girl side; I began playing baseball, got my own room at last, and mourned the loss of a big part of my preteen and early teenagehood when Club Penguin shut down. Even with more privacy for my regressive side and my life in general, I mostly forgot about my regressive side around this time and moved on with my life.

April doesn’t hold a lot of notable things for agere, either. I do know that starting four months before, I started feeling other ages in my identity (I feel all the ages I regress to in my identity. Like, I feel like them and at times, that for example, I’m a 7-year-old trapped in a teenager’s body. It’s not a fun feeling) and I accepted two without a problem (10 and 11), but I continued to deny and push aside another age I felt, thinking it seemed too young. After all, I was content with my youngest being two-years-old; or so I thought.

I wanna say May started getting a bit tough. As the spring season of baseball drew closer to the end, of course, my regressive side began trying to rise from the depths. The little girl inside me wanted attention and more space. She couldn’t keep sitting back and hiding forever.

The most I could do for my little self was watch toddler and little kid shows in private, play with my toys, play children’s games online, and color. Not a whole lot, clearly, and I was still self-conscious of a lot of this. I am sure this is the time where I began feeling trapped regarding all of this. 

June began to show signs of easier times. Baseball finally ended for the summer, which of course, led to the “Well dang; what am I gonna do with my life til the fall season?” moment. My regressive side, of course, took the wheel for most of the summer at this point. Hiding this was becoming very hard; I had to find some way to cope, some way to be open, anything. My little side could hardly take it anymore; this month or the next month marked four years since she first stepped into my life and you can only hide yourself for so long before it becomes too much (I had been making an effort to hide for a year or two before then).

Towards the end of the month, I finally reluctantly accepted the fact I seemed to regress to age 1 and 4 days later, I finally gathered the courage to make this blog, something I had thought about for a year, but could never do it. I told myself if I regretted it, I could just delete it, no problem; that was what I was expecting I’d end up doing. 

But instead, with a place I could be little, the trapped feeling began to ease. I was scared, of course, but also relieved and very happy. In fact, I was so happy that when I went to the bathroom shortly after a brief flood-reblog, I had to happy stim for a minute or two before I could actually do what I came in there for. I gave Mom and Kaiya the link to this blog. I’m sure making this blog is one of the best decisions I’ve made this year- and I’ve made a lot.

Making the blog reminded of my love for diapers, which brought back a memory of when Mom sneakily bought some for me the summer before. Talking about it here was really hard at first and took a lot of courage, but if you can’t tell, I can do it without flinching or hesitating now. After a quick chat with Mom, I decided at last, I’d finally try them whenever Dad left the house for a few hours (shout-out to the anon who sent that ask after I posted about it, you’re amazing and I hope you had a wonderful year. We need more people like you. Also, I started happy stimming when I reread the ask before linking it here).

Also, I rediscovered Small Elephant (I received the lil guy as a gift a year before and played with him once, but never got too attached to him) around this time and idk what exactly happened or how it did, but apparently, I ended up attached to him and I still am. He’s my lil vacation/severe weather evacuation buddy now.

July was a blast! I finally tried out my diapers shortly after Dad left to help out at a vape and tattoo shop he volunteers at and by the time I finally changed out of my first diaper, I had officially decided I was wearing them for the rest of my life (not as in 24/7, but... I’m sure ya know what I mean). The only problem is that because I was used to seeing what all the a/b/d/l community advertised, I ended up developing a rash the second time I wore and had to learn how to take care of myself properly mostly by myself with the occasional help from Mom and the internet (and literally now is when I see everyone from that community talking about the proper way to do things...).

The day I tried diapers out, I tried out regressing to age 1 to see how I’d like it and well, the rest is history. ;) 

Kai relearned of the diapers this month (read it once somewhere on my blog according to Mom, then I had to tell her about a sample pack on the way, and then Mom had to have a conversation with her about it in the car when they were the only ones in there) and said she was cool with it and briefly even began joking about the whole age regression thing (in a friendly way, mind you).

I told Kim, my older sister, about my regression, and she took it wonderfully, of course. I also told a friend of mine about my regression and liking of diapers, who also took it just fine and showed a lot of support for it. 

I began to indulge more and more into this and I even had a friend who also age regressed by the end of this month (Rayyyyyyy~). 

I went to Florida with Mama, Kai, and a former (? I don’t even know anymore, honestly) friend of Mama’s and it held some interesting adventures there, too! I took Small Elephant places, regressed at the beach twice (@ Kai, psst. Remember when I trapped you in that hug and almost sunk us into the ocean? Well, there’s your reason why), got a Winnie the Pooh book from Goodwill, and indulged in some tasty smiley fries one afternoon! Clearly, this month is one of the best for my age regression. The little girl inside was happy; I was no longer feeling trapped.

August was pretty wild. Small Elephant came with me to Georgia; I don’t think he got to come along on any adventures outdoors, however. I got a jack-in-the-box style toy with a mama kangaroo and her baby joey inside. I also regressed at some point at our cabin and enjoyed running around outside just before a storm blew through. Mom chose to tell someone about my age regression without my permission (talk about a thought to occupy yourself down the lengthy lazy river) and thankfully, that person was fine with it. I was thinking about telling her not too long before, funny enough. I’d prefer permission and a warning before telling someone, though, aha.

I got two “0+ months” pacifiers that month from Mom and literally spent 2 hours sucking on them, save for when I briefly stopped to switch; needless to say, my TMJ relapsed very quickly after around six months of absence of symptoms, aha.

My ex broke up with me (I got with him back in May), despite promising that no breakup would happen 3 days before. This was mostly a good thing, though; no more worrying about how and when to tell him about the diapers and age regression! I’ve been single since and content with it. The thought of telling my future boyfriend(s) this is terrifying, but maybe he’ll be fine with it. Maybe I’ll even meet someone who also likes diapers (nonsexually, mind you) and age regresses as well! I imagine that’s a once in a blue moon thing, though.

We also told Dad about my regression and he took it fine, something that surprised me, as I was genuinely not expecting it. Mom didn’t tell him a lot and eventually, decided to back off for a bit temporarily after mentioning that I “liked to act like a 7/5-year-old sometimes” and that I liked pacifiers and wanted one (this was after I got mine). According to Mom, he didn’t respond to the pacifiers thing and honestly, it’s still kinda scary (if it’s the no reply I think it is, I got him to do it back in October and it’s really unsettling). I don’t know what it means and I don’t think I want to know. He still doesn’t know about the pacifiers to this day. It’s wild.

September held its own adventures. I finally rediscovered an old bag of Mom’s (I mostly remember it because she had it when I was an ‘’actual’’ toddler) and what’s inside? A baby bottle I held on to for three years from when my parents had me treat Puzzle Piece as if he were a baby, thinking it’d rid of my age regression tendencies (if anything, I think this just fed it tbh). I planned to wash it and perhaps try it out or look into a new one.

This also held a notable visit from my older sister. She was told about my liking of diapers and you probably guessed it, her response was coming to my room (I panicked and ran away while she was on the way to the living room after Mom called her in there), giving me a hug, and saying, “I love and support you no matter what you do”. My sisters are great if you can’t tell, and I also mean that outside of agere.

The night before the diaper reveal, Mom noticed me lying on Kim while she rocked the recliner one evening and Mom offered to rock me someday while Dad was gone, something I accepted pretty quickly. I got Mom to rock me for the first time ever two days later. Mom also told me that Dad was fine with the rocking, hence why I was rocked literally right next to him at some point, and he even said he could rock me someday. I don’t think I could do that, though; age regression related stuff is really hard to do around him, and I’d be too worried about his back (he has a bad back).

That month, the day before the rocking part took place, I finally gathered the courage to actually refer to her as “Mommy” on here, along with “Daddy” for Dad. It honestly feels so good to do. I just find it sad I was so scared to use those words at first thanks to the kink/sters. I refer to those two regularly by those titles, mostly to try and reclaim those words as innocent, pure words I call my parents occasionally, rather than terms that are tainted with reminders of ki/nk. Mommy’s easier to use, because I’m closer to Mom than Dad (as of late, that is), and also because “Mommy” isn’t as corrupted as “Daddy”.

I got a Pooh Bear sleeper the day of my second baseball game of the fall season. It’s soft and it makes me feel like a toddler; the only problem is that it’s so easy to overheat in it (which really sucks because I’m hypersensitive to heat and can’t handle getting really hot) and sleepers take up a lot of room in a dresser.

Oh, and this month, Mom called me a nick name she uses for me quite a bit now; “My baby”. Out of all the nicknames I know, I never thought of that. I still melt when she calls me it tbh.

October was a mix, really. I don’t remember a whole lot involving this, really. Rocked by Mom again, got another sleeper, and witnessed Kaiya prove that she was okay with the whole diaper thing by insisting she was fine with it, actually going to the adult diaper aisle with us at Wal-Mart (she stayed a bit away from us, though), and when the cashier bagged the diapers up, she moved so dang fast and had them hidden in no time. I know this because I watched her load other stuff into the cart and she was much more relaxed. I did see her look into the cart at some point before we went to check-out, so perhaps she memorized what the package looked like so she could hide them? Idk if she remembers it or if she’d even want to talk about it, so... Who knows

Towards the end of the month, something began happening. I don’t know what, but it eventually led to me becoming depressed again for a little while, but we’ll discuss that in a few minutes. I discovered I was so indulged in my regression I actually forgot aspects of myself and chose to take a break for a week the next month. I came back feeling better about agere and somewhat better about myself in general. I still don’t understand what happened, but it hasn’t happened again since. Hopefully, it’ll never happen again.

November was a pretty miserable month for me tbh. Has a few good or at least neutral parts, mostly in the beginning, of course. One of these is that I discovered that I can go so deep into my baby mindset (I refer to my 1-year-old self as a baby for brevity) that I’ll chew on things without a thought and well, perhaps that other part’s a bit tmi. I also finally tried out my bottle one evening; very comforting and relaxing.

In the middle of the month, I struggled with accepting that perhaps I did need meds after all (spoiler: I definitely need them) and stress from this, a fixation on childhood trauma, and chores, which were gradually becoming stressful instead of enjoyable, began building up. I began to fall back into a depression, something I was in denial about the entire time.

It was this time that I noticed I was having a harder time regressing, something that was terrifying to me. I was scared that perhaps my regressive side was going dormant; one of my biggest fears is that I stop regressing for good and I was scared that was what was about to happen. That was, until one night, I had an involuntary episode briefly. I didn’t think much of it and went on with my night as normal once it concluded. I don’t know why I didn’t become concerned; involuntary episodes are rare for me, after all. But then, I thought I was about to have a block, so I guess that’s why I thought nothing of it.

I tried my best to cope with everything, but it was futile. One night, just witnessing the dog we were dog-sitting have an accident and having to take all three by myself while they all cried and tried to get out just made me snap, I guess. I fell deeper into my depression, began craving to be an actual baby/young toddler again for the first time in a couple of years, and briefly began having involuntary regression episodes every night. Wearing a diaper to bed and having Small Elephant with me every night for a couple of nights, drinking from my bottle one night, spending more time with my pacifiers, and easing up on everything I could helped pull me out of it.

I still don’t understand what exactly happened, but I hope it never happens again. Also, I guess this confirms that I have involuntary regression episodes when I’m overly stressed. Hopefully the next time this happens, my regressive side will keep me afloat, like it always has.

December was pretty good! I got rocked again by Mom while I was being bottlefed by her, got a new bottle and a toddler snack, and got more toddler snacks later on that day (again, Kaiya moved them to another bag quickly before Mom gave me the bag with them inside). Dad learned about the bottles and snacks and thankfully, is alright with it. I wish it was the same way with diapers. He still doesn’t know about me wearing diapers behind his back, as you probably guessed, and it will stay that way for a while. 

I think I kinda cheated another depressive episode, but? It never came. I was just really grumpy and easily upset for a while, to the point of punching my bed and stomping, which I hardly do (heck, I still am as of right now, but it’s calmed down some). I wish whatever my brain’s doing would stop, because it’s getting rather annoying and I’d rather not spend any longer whining frequently and worrying about getting upset to the point of punching or kicking my closet door off its hinges or something. :’)

Christmas was great; I mostly got big girl gifts (see: My new camera) or at least neutral gifts (see: My stim toys and maybe my Pikachu necklace), but I did get a few things that appealed to my regressive side, like a set of five different Paw Patrol puzzles, a penguin plushie with my name written on its tummy (glitter and everything!), and an Animal Jam playset thing!

To end this year off, I got a sippy cup, one of my most-wanted regression items around that time. Now, if only I could actually bring myself to wash my bottle and sippy cup in the dishwasher (they’re top rack safe)... I guess I can start off the new year washing them after I listen to Bring Me to Life or maybe while I’m listening to it, hee hee hee.

As you can see, I had a pretty wild year full of adventures and experiences! You know what? Why don’t I mention some folks who played a role in making this year the best?

Mom - Mom, I think you know how you’ve helped. You’re literally a big aspect in this post. When I was 12, I thought I’d never have your support about all of this, but now, here we are. You’re my mommy and I’m your baby and I always will be. I love you.

Kai - Sis, I think you see your role here, too. I thought you’d never support me, either, but here we are. Thank you for being cool with the diapers and everything else and always being respectful about it. I love you. Also, sorry for almost drowning us that time

Kim - You don’t get on Tumblr anymore, but I figured you deserved your own spot here, anyways. You haven’t gotten to see a lot, but you’ve still been very supportive of all this. Thank you for being fine with it and loving me for who I am, no matter what I choose to do. I love you. Also, I still can’t get over the fact that you seemed to do so good with little me that one time and you didn’t even know I was regressed at the time and you literally treat me how you treated regressed me all the time, but I still can’t get over it

Ray - You were my first friend who also age regressed. Tbh, I’ve admired ya from afar for like, a year before we started talking, but I was always scared to talk to ya. Thank you for being so supportive, helping me out and offering help for things occasionally. Also, thank you again for the regression moodboard ya made in the past for me! I still think about it a lot, and have looked at it so much that I’m pretty sure I have it ingrained into my brain.

Bug - We haven’t known each other for long, but I wanted to say thank you for taking an interest in me and being my friend. You’re adorable and so sweet (and so is your fursona. I love seeing other people’s fursonas, ahhh). My bumblebee plushie told me to tell you he said hi~

Leah - We haven’t known each other for long, either, but you’ve been so sweet to me the entire time we have. Thank you for the times you’ve checked on me when I didn’t seem to be doing so well. We need more people like you. Honestly, your kindness is goals for me; I’m always wanting to be kind at all times and you’ve got that perfect amount, it seems.

All my other followers - I can’t list all of y’all, so I figured y’all should get your own honorable mention in one go~ Some of you I’ve known almost as long as this blog has been around (6 months!), some of you I’ve only recently gotten to know. I don’t know why y’all followed me, but I appreciate it. Thank y’all for following me, sticking around, and just being all-around cool. Y’all are adorable and lovely and I love y’all (and so is everyone else who got a specific mention. Yes, I love you guys, too).

I think 2017 is the best year for my age regression by far and the best year of my life in general. I’ve learned things, laughed, cried, shook from excitement and fear, grinned, and stimmed in many different ways for many different emotions. I can finally be myself without feeling as much shame. An autistic, ADHD teenage girl who is occasionally in diapers and often feels more like a little girl than a teenager sure is an interesting thing to be, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

I don’t know what 2018 could bring, but I am ready for whatever it throws at me, whether it be pie (fun fact: I have never eaten pie before), problems with other people about this, or a pack of diapers.

To all my fellow age regressors, I hope 2018 brings you lots of happiness, acceptance for who you are by others and yourself, and anything you may want for your regressive side, whether it be more toys, a sippy cup, or a lot of marathons for your favorite cartoon/anime/TV show. Even if it’s hard for you right now, it will get easier; I promise.

Happy new year!! Stay little/tiny/smol.

[mollyfamous]

I went to a Chinese Medicine Doctor today.

A very kind friend suggested I try Chinese medicine, and offered to pay for the initial consultation. So, today was the day.

I had no idea what to expect, but I was hopeful I would at least be actually heard. And I am so proud of how well I communicated today, and I want to record the whole experience as best I can remember.

He had questionnaires that asked all the right questions about pain and sleep and digestion, in addition to the usual questions at a doctor's office, as well as the front and back full body diagram to show where your pain is, like they do at Chiropractors. And I put it all on there, except I forgot the TMJ and wisdom teeth and headaches.

And then, we went into the room, and he started to ask about my spine pain from the drawing on the questionnaire.

And, I said, "Can I just take a few minutes to tell you what this body has been through? And he said, "Of course."

So, I decided to try to go chronologically, and then I started to tell him about hurting my lower back in grade school, then I paused, and said, "No. FIRST, I want to tell you that I am a survivor of childhood abuse and neglect, severe neglect." And that I learned young not to show pain because I had been expected to walk and sit normal with welts from my wait to my knees. Then I went through falling off the monkey bars in grade school and injuring my lower back but never telling anyone and how it has ached ever since, and then my shoulder (and what the doctor did, and how it healed wrong) then the middle of my back where they said I have a rib that dislocates that started in Minot, then the neck injury in 2002, and what the doctor did to me then, and how the crookedness was plain to see on the x-ray but the doctor said everything looked good, and it was soft tissue damage, and I had reached "maximum recovery." Then the 14 inch long two month straight as a log constipation + stomach infection + car wreck in the beginning of 2016.

That was as far as I got before he said, "Wow!! Your body has been through a lot! You got nine lives like a cat?"

Then, he examined me briefly, and asked me a bunch of other stuff, like do my hands and feet get cold even when I'm not, all of which were yesses. Then, he asked if I would like him to explain his diagnosis. And he drew this as he explained.

He drew the yin-yang, and explained the principles of light/dark, heat/cold etc. Then, he drew the line 0-120, and explained that Chinese medicine looks at the flow of energy. He liked western medicine to fixing and tuning a piano, and eastern medicine to making music.

Next, he drew the sun above and moon below, and a circle to show the motion of light/dark, hot/cold, summer and winter.

He likened grief to autumn, which is the circled arrowhead on the right. He talked about how grief pulls energy in. He said the cure for grief is anger [my emphasis], but not wild anger. Not mean anger. Focused anger. Determined anger. He drew anger as the arrowhead on the right, and talked about how anger puts energy out, but that I am not pulling in enough energy for anger, so my grief is stuck, which he diagnosed as lung/large intestine disharmony.

Next, he drew the arrowhead on the circle pointing at the sun. He pointed at anger, and said anger pulls out energy, but joy, way up here in summer, pulls out even more energy. And he said joy is the cure for fear, which he drew as the arrowhead pointing at the moon.

But, he said, if you don't have enough energy for anger, you certainly don't have enough for joy. He then said I have liver/spleen disharmony, and talked about the spleen being an earth organ, and how I need to reconnect with earth.

Then he said I also have "a little bit of" a heart/spleen disharmony, and said that is why my trunk is warm, but my hands and feet are cold. He said my chi is stuck in my middle and can't flow, and that's the multiple circles in the middle of the yin-yang.

He said the last patient he had with insomnia he prescribed two weeks of hiking. When I said I'd been camping, he said, "Great! Keep doing that!" He also said no electricity after 9pm, not even a lamp (which I am disobeying right now, but I want to get as much of this as I remember recorded before I forget it all). He said he was going to recommend some dietary changes that he would give me a printout of, and said he wants me to eat as much as I can, as early as I can. He explained that my eating before bed (which is what doctors have always told me to do) is basically putting energy in right before trying to sleep, and that is also part of why I can't fall asleep. He wants me to keep doing my protein shakes in the morning, but as early as I can. And he said when I crave sweets, I need to eat things like sweet potatoes and carrots.

He then asked me to strip from the waist up and lie down face on the table, which had a face rest like a chiropractor or massage table, while he stepped out of the room.

When he came back in, he said he was going to have the use the small needles because I'd never had accupuncture before, and while he was putting them in, he said there were a couple spots he couldn't do because I don't have enough body fat. I have no idea how many he used, because I couldn't feel them once they were in, but I know there were several on my neck and upper back, a few others in the middle and lower back, some in my left shoulder, some somewhere around my ankles, and a few in my ears. When I asked if I looked like the dude from Hellraiser, he said, "Almost!"

When he got them all in, he stepped out the room, and told me to relax. I have no idea how long it was because I was actually pretty comfortable, maybe 3 to 10 minutes?

Then, he came back in and took them all out. (A few of them itched for a minute after he took them out.) Then he said I was all done, and to come out front when I dressed.

So, I got dressed, and went out there, and he gave me the printout about the foods he wants me to eat. He said next time he will leave the needles in much longer, and may occasionally come back in and turn them. He also said he may try another treatment. I asked if he would be my official doctor, and he said he'd be honored. I asked when I should come back, and he said, "It's up to you."

So, basically, best doctor visit ever. No trauma. No worsening of injury. No run with the first symptom out of my mouth. No impatience. No antidepressants. And he actually listened to me.

No. I'm not fixed, but at least I have hope for the first time since Dr Barnes died.

Thank you, Julia! You kinda saved my life by giving me this gift, and I am grateful.