#i agree fully anon and will be pushing her with every once of my mental being

[esserisupremi]

Girl, sit on him. if he die, he die. *shrug*

Elena laughs, one that results in a snort before catching herself. “ That’s…That’s not funny.” She then countered,” Though I have heard individuals claim it was one of the best ways to go. A good few believe it or not.” She added while proceeding to drift into thought .

[multi-obsessed-fanfic-writer]

Force Bond

Author’s Note: So I usually write my fics with female readers in mind, but I checked as much as I could in this fic and I don’t think any she/her pronouns are used, so I think it can be read as gender neutral! I hope you enjoy this, anon! I tried to keep it as close to your request as possible. And, as always, requests and open and feedback is much appreciated! Thank you guys, I love you all~

Requested?: Yes, by anon- “For Anakin requests, maybe a fellow Jedi who was a sith at one point but ran away from the master and turned to the light? Strong, confident but quiet person, but full of surprises 👀“

Summary: You sense the darkness in Anakin and help him overcome it.

Force Bond

Anakin Skywalker x reader

Word Count: 3.7k

Warnings: angst & canon-typical violence, also this definitely diverts from canon (like storyline) sooo yeah (and lmk if I ever miss any warnings pls!)

“I’ll be in the training room if you need me,” You tell your friend, Obi-Wan. He gives you a short nod before returning to his previous conversation with another Jedi Master.

You’re technically a new recruit to the Jedi Order, but you had already earned yourself the title of Jedi Knight. Although you had the skills and prowess to be a Jedi Master, you weren’t quite sure the Jedi Order trusted you fully yet. You see, you used to be their enemy. You were the Sith leader’s apprentice for years before you changed your ways and turned to the light. The Order had been skeptical of your arrival at first, but they eventually welcomed you and trained you in the ways of the light. Obi-Wan has been your friend, as he sees the difference in you, having known how you were on the dark side. Otherwise, you rarely speak to anyone. 

So far, you’ve managed to keep a low profile. While you are serious about being on the light side now, you know better than to cause any accidental trouble and hurt your chances of ever being trusted here. So you stay quiet and to yourself, hoping that no one will try to get their revenge because you have definitely fought many of them before on the other side. But, luckily, revenge is not the Jedi way. 

“When are you not training, (Y/n)?” A voice to your right laughs, snapping you out of your trance. You freeze, clicking your lightsaber off and attaching it to your hip again.

You look to your right to see Anakin Skywalker standing there, a small smirk tugging at his lips. You had never really talked to Anakin before, preferring to stay away from the troublemaker seeing as you were trying your hardest not to get in trouble here.

“Not one for talking?” He asks, and you realize that you had just been staring at him, immersed in your own thoughts.

You shrug at him, going to sit down on the side of the training room, done for now. He can have his training time, you just want to be alone.

“How about we duel, huh? We could use some combat training with other people, and I’ve heard that we are two of the most powerful here.” Anakin offers, going to stand next to you.

You look up at him, quirking one eyebrow up as if to say ‘really?’

“Oh come on, it’ll be fun.” He pleads. You stand up and make your way toward the door.

“Hey, listen, I didn’t mean to offend you or anything-” Before he can finish, you’ve shut the door with the force and readied your lightsaber. You step onto the training mat, ready to duel. Anakin jumps into action, not realizing that you were accepting his offer.

“One match.” You finally say, twirling the saber in your hand. He nods.

“One match. That’s all I ask for.” He agrees, a grin lighting up his features. It makes the corner of your lips tug up as well.

Once you’re both ready, you immediately lunge to the side of him. He does the expected, reaching out his saber so that you’ll run straight into it. However, you flip over the saber at the last moment and land on your feet, slicing your saber toward his back as you land. He quickly reacts, meeting your saber at his back with his own pointed down over his shoulder. The two of you make eye contact and you smirk, immediately swiping his feet out from under him and meeting his saber in front of him that slashes down. He’s now on his back on the ground as you stand above him, lightsabers locked in a fight for dominance. You take out your second lightsaber and lock onto his, providing double the force against him.

“Not fair!” He growls. After a few seconds, Anakin still manages to win the brute force battle and knocks you back a little bit, hopping up to his feet. You huff.

Fine. If you can’t win this with brute strength, you’ll just have to out-battle him with your agility and force-use.

The fight goes on for who knows how long, the two of you matching each other almost perfectly in your fighting ability and the force. No one has the upper-hand long enough to win, so it’s just a constant back and forth battle. Neither of you has tired out yet.

You can see the growing frustration in Anakin as the fight draws on. I mean, how could he not be frustrated? All of his life here at the temple he has been told that he’s the best there will ever be, that he’s the Chosen One. How can he not beat you, a simple Jedi Knight, if he’s the supposed Chosen One? You try not to dwell on his frustration as it isn’t your problem to deal with, but there’s something off about his frustration that you can’t quite place. It bothers you.

Mid-battle, as you slice at his feet, you feel a strange disturbance in the force. You reach out with the force, shoving Anakin back physically with the force and brushing against his force signature at the same time. As you do this, you feel a darkness in him that you hadn’t felt in a long time. This shocks you, causing you to gasp and pause in your movements for a moment, chilled to your very core.

As you’re paused, Anakin takes this moment to grab the upper hand and win. He uses the dark force inside of him to shove you with brutal force into the training wall, knocking the breath out of you.

You fall to your knees, gasping for breath as your lightsabers turn off and clatter out of your hands. You grasp at your throat, trying to breathe. There seems to be something invisible choking you. Then, the pressure is gone and you take a gulp of fresh air, sputtering and choking from your previous lack of air. You look up to Anakin a few feet in front of you who looks at his hands, fear evident in his eyes. 

“I’m...so sorry, (Y/n), please forgive me-” He rushes to you, reaching out to help you up. You hold a hand out in front of you to stop him, getting up yourself and recalling your lightsabers to your waistband. 

“Just...stay away from me.” You force out, calling your bag to you and swiftly making your exit from the training chamber. 

You’re scared of Anakin. And you’re scared of who he might become.

~+~

It’s a few days later, and you have tried your best to avoid Anakin at all costs. He’s tried to apologize or talk to you, but you always find ways to get out of the situation. You’re sure Obi-Wan is starting to get suspicious of why you’re avoiding Anakin, but you don’t have the heart to tell him of the darkness manifesting in the so-called Chosen One. A darkness you had sworn to never interact with again unless it was getting rid of it.

This time, however, you seem stuck in the situation. 

“(Y/n)!” Anakin force-closes the doors in front of you and to your right, leaving you no way to escape. You try to pry open the doors with your own force, but it’s no use because he makes it to you before you can even get the chance. He backs you into the corner, making every alarm in your head be on high alert.

“(Y/n), please, let me apologize.” His arms brace the wall on either side of your head, trapping you between the wall and his body.

“Get away from me.” You push him off you with surprising force. He seems surprised at your actions, as this could be considered an ‘outburst’ since you’re so quiet usually. You walk away from him in the direction he came from.

“What happened? I’m confused even by my own actions, please, you...you seem to know more than I do.” He calls out. You stop in your tracks, mentally cursing yourself for gaining empathy when you turned to the light side.

“You force choked me. That’s...typically known as a dark side power. I used to do it. Besides, I...I felt the darkness in you at that moment.” You murmur, voice barely above a whisper as Anakin approaches you again.

“The darkness...you felt it?” He asks, eyes searching your face for the truth. You refuse to look at him, but you nod instead.

“Then help me get rid of it.”

“What?” You ask, finally looking up at him. His eyes seem pleading.

“Help me get rid of the darkness in me. You know better than anyone else how to do that. Help me, please. You’re the only one I trust with this.” He takes your hand in his, making your eyes widen in surprise.

“I don’t know…” You sigh, glancing around.

“Please. You’ve dedicated yourself to eradicating darkness, now help me do the same.” He begs, keeping a tight hold on your hand. You sigh.

“Fine,” you concede, “meet me in the training room tomorrow after lunch.”

“Thank you, (Y/n). I won’t let you down.” He promises, a smile finding its way back to his face.

“You’d better not.” You scoff lowly before turning around and making your way back to your quarters.

What have you gotten yourself into?

~+~

It’s been a few months since you started training Anakin, getting rid of the darkness in him. With your help, you can confidently say that he’s almost completely back to the light again. There’s just a little bit more you have to work on, which is his aggression. He feels very deeply and that can lead to much anger in his life, which you’re trying to get rid of. 

You’re currently meditating in the training room with Anakin, the two of you sitting across from each other physically even though you’re worlds above mentally and spiritually.

“Thank you for all of your help these past few months, (Y/n), you...you’re amazing. I couldn’t ask for a better teacher in the ways of the light. You’re truly a beacon of hope in the Jedi and...I’m so sorry for what you went through.” Anakin tells you through the force. You smile.

“Anakin, I’m simply helping you be the best version of yourself. Everything I’ve helped you with has already been inside you, I just taught you how to enhance the light in every situation instead of letting yourself succumb to darkness.” You tell him. You had gotten more comfortable with Anakin recently and had started opening up to him more. He knows of your past in the dark side, what you did, and how you overcame everything. He also knows the guilt you carry from that time in your life, too.

“You’ve also...helped me with new feelings, (Y/n). I’m happier now because of you,” He admits, smiling bashfully at you. You tilt your head to the side, not quite sure what he means. Before you can ask him, you’re both broken out of your meditation trance by Obi-Wan.

“(Y/n), Anakin, we know who Darth Sidious is. It’s Palpatine. He’s been controlling both sides of the war- hurry, we need your help. We’re going to engage now.” Obi-Wan explains in a hurry, causing both you and Anakin to jump into action immediately. You grab both of your lightsabers and the three of you run down the hall as fast as possible to Palpatine’s office.

The information rocks you to your core more than you would like others to know. The fact that you escaped from the dark side and joined the Jedi Order to get away from the exact same man. The exact same man that was the leader of the Republic. You never escaped after all. You fell right back into his hands.

“Should we have a planned attack to execute instead of a thrown-together group of Jedi Masters and Knights?” You ask Obi-Wan as the three of you are running.

“There’s no time. He’s at his weakest point now, Master Windu almost killed him but he was thwarted. We need to strike quickly or he will become too powerful.” Obi-Wan tells you in a hushed voice. You nod solemnly.

You were hoping this moment wouldn’t come so soon. You were hoping you wouldn’t have to face your former master until you were ready. Funny how the galaxy plays tricks like this sometimes.

“Hey, it’ll be okay,” Anakin whispers to you, secretly grabbing your hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze as the two of you run behind Obi-Wan. You look at him and smile gratefully. He must be able to sense the nerves radiating off of you through the force because on the outside you look calm and composed.

“Thanks.” You smile back at him, squeezing his hand then dropping it before anyone might see the two of you and misunderstand the situation. However...you must say, your feelings toward the Skywalker boy were more than just friendly now. You’re not sure how to tell him, though, because of the Jedi rules. Maybe if you just ignore it, it’ll go away.

Sooner than you wish, you’ve reached Palpatine’s office and the doors are sliding open. You see your old Sith Master engaging in an intense duel with Master Windu, the sight striking fear into your heart. Darth Sidious is on the ground, using his force lightning that Mace is blocking with his lightsaber. Your breathing quickens slightly, and you feel your palms get sweaty as you unlatch both of your lightsabers from your belt. Anakin stands next to you, and Obi-Wan on the other side of you.

“Sith Lord Darth Sidious...you are under arrest in the name of the Galactic Senate of the Republic.” You say, surprising both Anakin and Obi-Wan that you spoke first. You ignite your lightsabers, watching the light color crackle to life in your hands. 

“Ah, (Y/n)...my old apprentice,” Sidious cackles, stopping his lightning and looking over at you. Mace lowers his lightsaber, looking over at the three of you.

“Thank you for coming to my aid, we must-”

Before Mace can continue, Sidious uses his force lightning again and catches him off guard. You gasp as Master Windu is sent flying out of the window, feeling you, Anakin, and Obi-Wan jumping into action. Obi-Wan attacks first and is eventually defeated and knocked out cold.

Next is Anakin. He runs at Sidious, and you watch the intense battle with fearful awe. You feel stuck to the ground where you are, the sheer power of the dark force in the room overwhelming you. Now that you’re faced with your former master, you’re not sure you can do it anymore. You love the light. You want the light. 

You need the light.

“You won’t get away with this torture anymore!” You yell, jumping into the fight beside Anakin. The two of you move together flawlessly, backing Darth Sidious up against a wall purely from the sheer power the two of you are exerting. He has a hard time blocking both you and Anakin’s attacks, especially because you have two sabers.

As you lose yourself in the fight, you see Anakin get force shoved into a wall and knocked out. You watch his body sink to the floor unconscious, causing an aching pain to seize hold of your heart. You look back to Sidious, seeing the hideous smirk growing on his face.

“Now the battle is balanced. Do what you’re supposed to do, my apprentice. Use everything I have taught you to finally kill me and fulfill your destiny of becoming the new Sith Lord. Take Anakin as your new apprentice. I know you can feel the darkness in him...and I know you want to succumb to your own darkness again.” Sidious tries to entice you. You feel sweat start to form on your forehead as you continue your unending onslaught of attacks. You’re starting to get tired after exerting so much force on holding back one being. One being that you know the strengths of. Sidious is much stronger than you, and he’s more than right. You won’t be able to beat him if you don’t succumb to the darkness, but if you do, you’ve still done what he wants. 

There is no win in the situation for you.

“I’m...not your apprentice.” You grunt, finally landing a blow on his side. He cries out in pain but it turns into a malicious cackle. 

“You’re on the edge, my dear. Just jump. Embrace the dark side as you once did.” Your sabers and his lock together, once again a fight for dominance. You push hard against his saber, hoping for him to give some slack. You feel a guttural scream rip out of your throat as you continue to press your hardest into his saber. He pulls back and pushes out again, knocking you onto the ground. You back up as he presses forward, disappointment in his hideous yellow eyes. You feel the same fear grip your heart, knowing this might be your end. Hopefully, Anakin and Obi-Wan will be able to defeat him together once you’re gone.

“If you can’t defeat me, (Y/n), then I guess you never deserved to be my apprentice. Maybe I’ll just kill you and then take Anakin as my own apprentice…” Sidious plots, stalking forward slowly. 

The thought of him even trying to turn Anakin to the dark side again stirs you into action. In a dash, you’re back on your feet and charging him again. He’s surprised, and you take this moment to slice across his stomach, gaining a scream from his lips. You smirk in satisfaction.

“I may have come from the depths of the dark...but I can assure you, Anakin will never head down the same path I once did. Through our bond, the dark side will be defeated.” You promise, watching him turn around. His eyes lock onto your form and you twirl your lightsabers in your hands.

“Through our bond...the dark side will be defeated.” You hear your words echoed from behind Sidious. You both look to see Anakin propping himself up against the wall, eyes closed as he shakily reaches out a hand to you. You feel his force signature sending power to you, strengthening you. You smile.

The smile is gone when Sidious charges at Anakin, deciding that he’ll have to get rid of at least one of you in order to escape.

“No!” You scream, pure terror ripping the instinctive noise from your throat as you rush forward and sink both of your sabers into Sidious’ neck. He lets out a screech and falls to the ground, dead.

Your breath comes out raggedly as you turn off both your lightsabers, letting them fall to the ground. You sink to your knees next to Sidious’s dead body, in front of Anakin. Your head is down and you don’t notice that you’re crying until you see the tears drip onto your knees.

There’s a hand on your shoulder, and you look up to see a smiling Anakin. You pull him forward and embrace him, exchanging no words as the two of you just bask in each other’s presence.

“You did it.” Anakin praises you.

“I did it.” You say, although yours is much more fearful. Anakin notices the tone.

“What’s wrong? He’s dead. You saved us all.” Anakin pulls away, looking into your eyes. You feel him reach up and wipe the tears from your cheeks.

“I-I killed him...I did exactly what he wanted,” You cry, meeting Anakin’s eyes with your tear-filled ones. Anakin’s gaze softens.

“No, (Y/n), you didn’t. He wanted you to kill him out of malice and darkness. You killed him out of righteous anger and light,” Anakin tells you, pulling you back into the hug. You grip tightly at his tunic, pulling him impossibly closer to you.

He’s right. You did the right thing. 

“You did it too, Anakin. You emanated the light. You helped me. You strengthened me.” You murmur, digging your head into the crook of his neck.

“Through our bond, the dark side will be defeated. You said it yourself, (Y/n). We’re beacons of light to each other.” He strokes your hair, and you feel your breathing start to reach a normal pace again. 

The two of you pull out of your embrace. Anakin looks into your eyes and you realize now the close proximity between the two of you.

His eyes flicker to your lips, and for a second you think you’re just seeing things. But then he leans forward and presses his lips to yours and you know that you’re dreaming.

“I-I think I love you, Anakin,” You whisper once the kiss has been broken. Anakin chuckles.

“I think I love you, too, (Y/n).” He whispers back, capturing your lips in a kiss once more.

“This has been a turn of events I can’t quite say I wasn’t expecting.” You hear a grunt from behind you. You break away from Anakin and see Obi-Wan propping himself up against the wall, a hand clutching his side as he does so.

“Master!” You hurriedly help him up, looking over to see Anakin standing up himself. You can tell they’re both hurt, and maybe concussed, but they’ll be okay. And so will you.

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone. Maybe...after what happened today, we can get the relationship approved. After all, I sense the force bond the two of you have developed. If this relationship is something the force wills, then who are we to deny the force of what it needs?” Obi-Wan chuckles, although it’s pained. You help him to the medic bay.

“And we will defeat the dark side, (Y/n). Sidious was the first step and the biggest obstacle. We will eradicate the dark from the galaxy.” Anakin promises you, holding your hand in his. You smile.

“Through our bond.” You nod in agreement.

“Our force bond.”

~~~~~

Tags: @anakinlove @official-hitmxn @rowley-with-ackerman

[norgestan]

crisana, norandro, jorgeva and amira x dani

ha, anon just wanted all the canon couples. fair enough!

CRISANA:

see, skam s3 is my favorite season of all time, but it has never been because of the love story. isak's story hits in a lot of sensitive places for me, and isak was also the first main character i encountered that was my age. i have a really special connection to him for that reason. on the other hand... i enjoy evak for what it is, but i never saw a future for their relationship after the season ended. in a lot of ways, isak's season ended just as their relationship started, a trope that i've never liked because how am i supposed to think that they will last? how am i supposed to know how they will work as a couple? it's just, ugh.

i had similar thoughts about crisana when i watched s2, except that the love confession scene and cris as a character made it even harder to get into the couple. moreover, the way people brush other characters' roles and presence on other seasons because they're so caught up on cris and joana is like... blegh. like it makes me forget that they're actually a well-written couple at times. because imo, og they never did anything really interesting with evak once they got together. but eskam........ oh, dear eskam.

there's something so beautiful about thinking of all the girls, the teenagers that will grow up watching a relationship like theirs on popular media. their entire subplot (??? can i even call it that) in s4 is proof of how GREAT of a relationship they turned out to be. like, i just wanna SCREAM thinking about it because, how is it possible that eskam saw evak and said "we're gonna make this SO good and we'll take our time and then tie it up in an incredibly satisfying and emotional way" and then did exactly that!!!!!! the way they respect each other, communicate, genuinely try to get to each other without dumb miscommunication. the way they understand each other and lift each other up! the way joana knew how to recognize cris' intelligence when everyone was telling her she's dumb, the way cris knows how to make joana feel worth it and show her affection in such a selfless, loving way. their last scene on joana's pov in s4 was the first time i cried during that season, just because it was all wrapped up so beautifully. because eskam understood that although the appeal of their relationship comes from the soulmate status of every evak couple, they had to also put in serious work to make it all work and they also managed to get that across with grounded drama, and also a hopeful message for people struggling with mental disorders. like AAAAAAAAAAAAA god what a great couple they are. maybe i'm too much of an eskam bootlicker but they're genuinely the best evak there is. i'll die on this hill. i'm so happy young wlw get to watch them as a guideline of what they should expect of a relationship.

NORANDRO: already done :)

JORGEVA:

i mean... it's eskam's fault, without a doubt. i love what eskam did with them in s1: the change of pacing, the way they created jorge, the little story changes to make it more nuanced, i think come together in a pretty satisfying way to show a teenage romance with no real support to last for more than a while. i don’t think eskam fully got the gist of what jonas was supposed to be, but it’s for the better if we think of the message in season 1. for that reason, jorge is like the one jonas who i really wouldn’t mind coming back to his eva. so why don’t i like them?

the answer is simply that i don’t enjoy their trope and i don’t think eskam made a real case of eva and jorge getting back together. they work well as friends, sure, and it’s clear as day that jorge still has feelings for eva, sure. but like, what tells me that they’re just ready to go all in again? eva goes through a really great arc and i would definitely agree she’s in a good place to be in a relationship again, but we know NOTHING about jorge’s journey. he’s just, silently pining on eva and that’s it. i do think it’s sweet and the hints of their lost romance throughout the show are wholesome, but there’s just nothing more to it. jorge and eva work AMAZINGLY as friends! i don’t see why they should push a romantic endgame for them. in my head, eva kissing jorge at that party was just a mesh of the excitement of a new era, the nostalgia of ending highschool, the high of being on this place with someone she really cares about, stuff like that, but it just ends there, and it’s great that way. nothing about eva’s character really led to her aching to be in a relationship again, and for me it feels right to end things with her being single and surrounded by great friends.

MAYBE if eskam had devoted some time showing us their progress and romantic potential instead of trying to convince us that kasim was a real, compelling character. maybe. lol.

DAMIRA:

(god, i don’t know how long this will be LOL)

i have. so many thought about this fucking pairing. let’s see what we can do LOL. the thing about damira is that i don’t think it’s a pairing that eskam had in mind when they laid out the first two seasons. the little hints of a friendship/childhood crush that happened during cris’ season really got the fandom and they quickly became the most popular non-canon ship in the show, so that’s where i think eskam said “okay, let’s run with this”. but it’s just...... meh. like i can tell that relationships like crisana were carefully crafted (well implemented in nora’s season, greatly wrapped up in amira’s season) but i cannot say the same for dani and amira. it’s almost like virihugo, where they just started giving each other Eyes on the middle of season 3, out of NOWHERE. it just feels forced to me and so i never really felt anything for the couple in question... like, for starters, i think nora and miquel were WAY more shippable than those two, strictly talking about their setup.

if you ever saw any of my posts during s4 then you should know how i actually feel about how they developed their romance (check my anti damira tag for more?) and i don’t wanna go through all those specific points again... but damira is not only an infuriating romance, but also a bad pairing in a narrative setting. like, damira clearly exists to answer amira’s questions about how would the future of a romance with a white guy would be, right? does she get an answer? no she fucking doesn’t, their final clip is like “after all these weeks, we still have no idea so we’re gonna cut things short, go back to our initial dynamic, and wait to see if amira any of us change our minds <3″. so like, even in that sense damira is a HUGE waste of time, and just like everything that happens to amira during her season it has no lasting impacts on her character or her settings.

and personally, i love couples where they’re both equal, and communicate at last, and both make great efforts to change so the relationship can flourish. this is why i offer so much praise to norandro and crisana, where in the first couple both character go through tremendous character growth and work through their problems individually before getting together, and in the second couple they show them clashing and fighting just to display their resolutions and show how willing they are to actually talk to each other and keep their relationship stable. dani and amira, on the other hand.... blegh. eskam wants me to think dani is a knight in shining armor for liking amira but that’s all he ever does. he doesn’t defend her in front of his friends, he doesn’t make efforts to get to know her and her world, he doesn’t communicate his real feelings to her, and the one time he did he humiliated her in public. like, idk, like, even MIQUEL explicitly defended nora when his roommates berated her for not drinking alcohol LOL.

at the end of the day the problem with damira is that it completely misses the point of yousana and its target audience. making yousef a white guy is not necessarily a bad choice if you implement it well (which eskam didn’t do btw), but you have to take into account that sana’s season exists to make a primarily white christian-raised audience relate and stand up for the muslim characters in the show. when the lazier partner of the main couple who makes zero efforts to work on the relationship happens to be white, it just means people will be sympathetic of him, and nor amira - and that’s exactly what happened in the show. people either thought amira was being too harsh by laying conditions for dani before they even began dating and making sure he respected her boundaries, or just wanted all the drama to go away soon so amira could kiss dani by the end of the season. so like, yeah. terrible stuff.

i would’ve liked damira’s impact on the season and amira’s journey a lot more if it had been about a one sided childhood crush from amira’s part. i thought their friendship was charming up to s3, and i simply hate that dani is literally in no way an older brother figure for the girl squad, since it’s a dynamic that’s lacking in the show and it would be a nice way to make dani be some sort of non-creepy eskild for the girl squad (but noooo, his only interactions w the gs are hooking up with eva and dating amira. smh). it would’ve been fun to have amira intimately dealing with those feelings just to learn a lesson by the end of it, at the time that she also falls for her muslim love interest - which is actually the isak/jonas/even dynamic when you think about it, also something that eskam didn’t really do with cris’ season. but also, all of this would mean that eskam had to do the good writing thing for s4, which they kinda forgot to do throughout the entirety of the season so, yeah.

[lupinlongbottom]

Almost Fading

Remus Lupin x Reader

Summary: An Order mission went wrong, leaving a soaked Sirius on the doorstep of the Lupin’s home, Remus clinging onto the world around him. 

Prompt: Hii, i’d like to request a remus x reader where he gets very (like, VERY) hurt on an order mission, and sirius like brings him to him and the readers shared apartment or something, and they have to make sure remus doesn’t die i suppose. It’s sad i know but it would be nice to have a happy ending? Thank you ❤️- Anon

Word Count: 2.8k

Warnings: Blood, mentions of wounds, swearing

A/N: Angst! Wow. Makes me sad. Realized that I haven’t been writing for anyone but Charlie for a while, so here’s our favorite furry boy! So, here’s the sappy sadness!

__

The storm didn’t cease. The creaking of the quaint cottage only echoed throughout the empty halls. How long had it been since Remus left for the mission? At least four hours ago, he had said that it wouldn’t take longer than an hour at most. It was only a reconnaissance mission for the order, something Remus assured wouldn’t be difficult. Easy enough, no chance of harm. (Y/N) could do nothing but worry, listening to the pelting of rain to the kitchen window. Suddenly, the front door swung open, the wind whistling through the front foyer, blowing towards the open kitchen.

“(Y/N)!” A voice shrieked, beckoning the witch to follow it. 

“Sirius?”(Y/N) said, recognizing the voice almost immediately. She ran to the front door, only to find Sirius Black, dripping wet from the rain.

“You have to help,” Sirius croaked, turning slightly, revealing Remus, bloodied and whimpering on his back. “Get the couch ready, some towels, any sort of healing materials you may have.”

“What the fuck happened to him?” (Y/N) practically shrieked, noting the crimson dripping onto the floorboards, the red soaking into his clothes. “Sirius, answer me!”

“Do you really think now’s the time, (Y/N)?” He quipped back, setting him down on the brown and tattered couch, hitting his shin on the table in front of it. “For Godric’s sake, woman, get your ass in gear and do something!”

(Y/N) didn’t have to be asked again. She sprang down the hall, flinging open the cabinet that housed the various bottles and potion ingredients that the couple could afford. It wasn’t much, but anything could help. “Dittany… dittany…” she mumbled, fingering through the serums. “Dittany!” She grasped onto the small purple vial and a handful of old towels before rushing back to the war scene in front of her.

“The worst of it’s on his chest,” Sirius said, opening the torn shirt to (Y/N). She nodded, holding back a choked sob, perhaps vomit as well. The wounds were deep, the flesh seemingly hanging onto nothing at all. 

“Move,” (Y/N) choked out, pushing Sirius to the side, allowing her to kneel before her partner. Her hands shook with every twist of the vial, but she managed to get the top off, dropping the clear liquid onto his chest. The wound began to sizzle, closing up partially. “The kitchen,” she mumbled, dripping more of the dittany around his chest, watching it rise and fall. He was still breathing.

“What?” Sirius asked, begging for her to repeat.

“Make yourself useful,” (Y/N) seethed, pointing to the kitchen. “A bowl of warm water, a big one. Go,” Sirius didn’t need to be asked twice. He quickly fled to the kitchen, seemingly to obtain the materials she required. “What on earth did you get yourself into, Rem?” 

The bottle of dittany had reached its end, (Y/N) using the majority of it on his chest. Thankfully, the wounds were shallower, not nearly as vicious and red as they were before. The bleeding lessened, but hardly didn’t stop. (Y/N) pulled out her wand and began to recite healing incantations, hoping that the rudimentary skills she’d picked up on could assist in a wound so deep. They usually helped after a full moon, but this was another story.

“Warm water,” Sirius said, setting the bright blue bowl onto the coffee table next to (Y/N). “A big bowl,” he said, trying to crack a smile. “Just like you requested.”

(Y/N) nodded meekly at the bowl, dipping a towel into the water, allowing droplets to fall onto the floorboards before pressing it to Remus’ chest. The vibrant red began to fade to a softer pink, cleaner with each swipe. She could see Remus’ face twist in pain, unaware to the sensations. “Could you lift him? I need to wrap him up with clean bandages,” Sirius helped his friend sit up, allowing (Y/N) to fully remove the mess of what used to be a shirt, unrolling the gauze around his torso until it seemingly looked the part.

“Is he stable?” 

“For now,” (Y/N) shrugged, wiping the sweat off her forehead, eyes transfixed onto the man on the couch. His brows were drawn tight together, almost as if he was having a nightmare. “Are you going to tell me now? Or am I going to have to ask my near-dead husband?” She turned to Sirius, who had found a home on the plush chair adjacent to the couch.

“It’s a long story,” Sirius said, rubbing the blood on his brow across his face with his thumb. “Well, how ‘bout that?” he mumbled, noting the red now spread onto his thumb.

“I have the time,” (Y/N) said, throwing Sirius a wet rag, hitting him square in the face. “Talk.”

“Who knew Mrs. Lupin could bite?” Sirius teased, holding the rag to his brow, cleaning his thumb in the process. “Thought that was your husband’s forte, no?”

“Sirius—”

“Alright, alright,” Sirius said, finally giving in. “Did Remus fill you in on the specificities of the mission tonight?” (Y/N) shook her head, almost sadly. “Of course he didn’t. What a bloke, bet he was trying to protect you—”

“I don’t need protection.”

“You don’t think I know that?” Sirius chuckled. “Blimey, (Y/N), you’re one of the fiercest duelers I know. Knock me to my knees in two seconds flat, you could. Even in your current… state,” he motioned to the growing bump beneath (Y/N)’s chest.

“I’m glad you know that much,” (Y/N) grinned lightly, turning back to her husband, still passed out, her hand instinctively resting atop the bump. “If only my husband would be wise enough to see it.”

“Look, we all understand why Remus won’t let you tag along for the Order anymore. James made Lily hold back with Harry, too, you know? But I agree, it’s unfair that he’s keeping Order material from you just because you have a leech sucking the life out of you.”

“My baby isn’t a leech,” (Y/N) said, turning her attention back to Sirius, his bloodied boots resting atop of their table. “I’m just as much a member of the Order as Remus is,” she pushed his boot off, allowing it to hit the floor with a thud. “As much as you are.”

“Tell your husband that, mate,” Sirius groaned, leaning forward to re-wet his cloth. “Otherwise he’s going to keep doing it.”

“Was the mission a simple reconnoissance?” (Y/N) asked, already knowing the answer. Sirius shook his head. “Figures,” she clicked, preparing a heated speech to recite later, once Remus was in better shape, of course. She wasn’t mental.

“We already knew of their location, learned about it a week prior. We were set to go in, obtain any documents or materials that could give us a clue as to what You-Know-Who was up to—”

“And by materials…?”

“Yeah, we bloodied up some Death Eaters,” Sirius said, sheepishly pulling a grin. “We tried to, anyway. One of ‘em, Goyle, I think, got the better of Moony and used a nasty spell I had never heard of before, caused him to fall flat on the ground,” he shook his head, almost repulsed by the memory. “The blood was massive, (Y/N). I thought he was going to die, then and there. I knew the mission was a bust, so I grabbed ahold of him and Disapparated us the second I could, hoped that I’d end up here and… you know the rest.”

“I’m shocked neither of you got splinched,” (Y/N) said, noting Sirius’ minor injuries. “Couldn’t say the same about my husband. But it doesn’t seem like any of these could be because of splinching…” She gave Remus a once over, hoping to find nothing new.

“Hey, I’m excellent at Apparition, thank you very much,” Sirius boasted, his chest puffing proudly. “Passed my exam with flying colors, I did.”

“Whatever spell Goyle used really beat him up,” (Y/N) said, her fingers tracing the healing cuts on his arms, now no longer bleeding. They were shallow, nearly as deep as what a normal full moon would bring. “You said you’ve never seen it before?”

Sirius shook his head. “It sounded like a spell Snivellus tried using on James, once. Didn’t work then,” His grey eyes fell upon his friend. “Guess he worked out the kinks.”

“Must’ve,” (Y/N) hummed, her hand grasping Remus’ gently. His breathing hitched for a moment before returning to its rhythmic beat. “Sirius, feel free to clean yourself up, enjoy a hot shower, I have that enchanted soap you like.”

“You sure you’ll be okay alone with him?” Sirius asked, lifting himself off the chair. (Y/N) nodded meekly. “If something happens, just scream and I’ll be down in two ticks, even if I’m indecent,” he winked, disappearing down the hall. A few moments passed before (Y/N) heard the water turn on, the pipes creaking throughout the house.

“Remus,” (Y/N) sighed, rubbing his hand with her thumb in small circles. “If you can hear me,” she paused, hoping for a response. Nothing. “Know that you’re a right git, alright?” 

“Git…” 

“Rem?”

“I’m bloodied up…” Remus breathed, his hazel eyes flickering open for the first time that evening. “And the first thing you call me is a git?”

“Glad to see you’re feeling better,” (Y/N) smirked, the hot tears blinking away from her eyes by the second. “You had me scared, Rem, I thought you were a goner.”

“Are you alright?” Remus asked, his voice raspy and dry. “The baby—”

“You’re acting like I was the one who was cut open like a prime rib,” (Y/N) laughed, feeling the tears run down her cheek, dripping off her chin. “I was here, safe and sound in your perfect little bubble where nothing can harm me, as usual,” (Y/N) said, the sarcasm flowing from her tongue like acid.

“Good,” Remus nodded, resting his head back onto the pillow, closing his eyes again. “I’m glad.”

“You idiot,” (Y/N) mumbled. “That was supposed to make you feel guilty!”

“I do,” He responded, taking a deep breath. “Never said I didn’t”

“You don’t regret it for a second, do you?” (Y/N) said, forcing herself not to scream. She had to be mad at him, even if she was elated that he was alive. Remus coughed, his face twisting in pain. “Let me at least get you a glass of water—”

“Stay,” Remus said, holding onto (Y/N)’s wrist, forbidding her from moving from her very spot. “Please.”

“Alright,” (Y/N) said, settling back onto the floor. “You know, this isn’t an ideal position for the baby,” she smiled, glancing down at her growing bump. It’s been six months since they had found out, Remus had fled the scene, leaving (Y/N) alone for the first month and a half. He was scared, afraid of the monster his son or daughter could become. One swift kick to the head later, thanks James, Remus realized his foolish mistake and came running back. 

“I could give you the couch,” Remus said, leaning upwards slightly before (Y/N) gingerly pushed him back down. “Yeah, not the brightest idea.”

“No,” (Y/N) smiled, shaking her head. The clock on the wall dauntingly clicked with every second passing, the silence in the room deafening to Remus’ shallow breathing. “Do you want me to keep talking?”

“Please,” Remus nodded. “It helps.”

“I read that baby book Lily gave me,” (Y/N) began, still running circles on the back of Remus’ hand. “It’s a muggle one, said her sister gifted it to her. You couldn’t imagine the photos they had in there, I’d say they’re more gruesome than the state you’re in right about now.”

“Is that so?” Remus let out an airy chuckle. “Better be glad they’re not magic photos.”

“Disgusting,” (Y/N) groaned, only imagining the horror of moving images. “I flipped through most of that, don’t want to be spoiled on the big day, you know? Skipped right to the list of names.”

“They have those?”

“Loads of ‘em,” (Y/N) nodded. “English names, French names, names that should be used exclusively for dogs—”

“Like Padfoot?” Remus smiled lightly.

“Godric, would he give that name up? I’m not naming our child after some mutt—”

“That mutt being a potential godfather, love,” Remus reminded, gently squeezing (Y/N)’s hand. 

“He has Harry, frankly I think that ought to be enough for him,” (Y/N) laughed, noting the color returning to Remus’ cheeks. “But I wrote down a few names I quite fancied.”

“Read them to me,” Remus said, opening his again. “Please?”

“Accio,” (Y/N) called, waving her wand lightly. A paper that rested on the kitchen counter fluttered through the air and into her free hand. “Are you sure you want to hear them? I imagine you have your own preferences on a name—” 

“None at all,” Remus shook his head. “I never really gave children a second thought, let alone names.”

“Well,” (Y/N) choked, trying to hide her true feelings from the obviously somber and quite dark sentence Remus had muttered. “I rather fancied Hope, after your mum.”

“Another Hope Lupin?” Remus smiled lightly. “She’d be ecstatic, to say the least. But don’t let my family persuade your choices on names, love,” Remus squeezed her hand. “The child should be able to make own of their name, don’t you think?”

“I agree,” (Y/N) nodded, squeezing his hand back. “I was thinking more towards a middle name, much like James and Lily did with Harry,” she snorted. “But like hell we’ll give her my name. I’ve always hated it.”

“I rather like your name,” Remus hummed, moving his other hand to rest on his chest lightly. “It’s my favorite thing to say.”

“Remus,” (Y/N) said, feeling her face grow hot to the touch. “Even near-death you know how to flatter a girl,” she smiled, pushing a tuft of light brown hair out of her husband’s eyes, her hand resting gently on his jaw.

“Not just any girl,” he smiled, now able to fully see (Y/N) in the faint glow of the light drowning from the kitchen. “My wife.”

“Yes, your wife,” (Y/N) hummed, feeling Remus’ head lean more into her touch. He closed his eyes again, enjoying the touch of his wife. “Jane was a top one, Eleanor, Isabella, Audrey…”

“Those are all wonderful,” Remus nodded. “And boy names?”

“I didn’t even bother, seeing as there’s no need for—shit,” (Y/N) ripped her hand from Remus’ face. His eyes flicked open again.

“(Y/N),” Remus said, leaning up just a bit. “Are we having a girl?”

“The doctors told me last week,” (Y/N) groaned, ashamed for letting the secret slip. “I wanted to tell you differently, I was working on knitting a pink jumper for you, going to surprise you with it.”

“A girl…”

“Are you upset by that?”

“Of course not,” Remus smiled, looking (Y/N) in the eyes. “We’re having a beautiful baby girl and you think I’d be upset? Far from it.”

“Good,” (Y/N) nodded, feeling the tears from before return to the edges of her eyes. “Just be surprised when I give you the jumper anyway, I’ve been working awfully hard on it.”

“Will do,” Remus smiled, feeling the sting of tears threatening his own eyes. “Love?”

“Yes?”

He removed his hand from hers, moving it behind her neck, pushing her gently towards himself. Their lips touched gently, (Y/N) afraid to push anything deeper onto the already weak man. A flittering of small pecks dotted their lips, each softer than the last.

“Thank you, for everything,” Remus said, thumb drawing circles on her jaw. “I don’t thank you enough. For putting up with me and my condition, for listening to my worries about your health, for saving my life,” his smile grew wider. “And for my daughter. Our daughter.”  

“Will you start trusting me again? Tell me the truth about what you’re doing? You have two girls to come home to now, two girls that need you, Remus.”

“You’re right, it was foolish of me to even think of it otherwise.”

(Y/N) leaned in to kiss him again, feeling the swell of love in her chest, a feeling she’s grateful to enjoy, grateful that Remus wasn’t dead, grateful that he’ll get to meet their daughter. See her off on her first day at Hogwarts, learn about the woman she’d become. Grateful for the life they have left to enjoy.

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[itwillbeall-dwight]

SPEAKING OF QUEN recently just realized him n the nurse basically share the same last name not completely but it’s very close so now I’ve just been picturing sally seeing this mentally ill boy who desperately needs to go to sleep n unofficially adopted him n he doesn’t even really register the literal murderer waltzing into camp n tucking him or packing him trial lunches cause he’s so exhausted that this just. Makes sense

me looking at this ask a few days ago like “oh that's cute, that gives me an idea” and now coming back with a 2k fic: anon I'm so sorry

I TOTALLY AGREE.. sally is drawn to those that need help and I think she deserves to feel some semblance of motherhood, and while quentin can take care of himself and already has a family that loves him, I think he appreciates the comfort. anyways have this mess

likes < reblogs, any comments in the tags are appreciated

ao3 mirror in the reblogs!

~

a nurse’s calling - sally smithson | the nurse & quentin smith; platonic relationships; injury tw; 2546 words

Preview: Quickly spotting the chest he was looking for, Quentin got down on one knee and picked the lock to it with ease, opening it up and digging through the scraps of metal and dirt that laid at the bottom. He cringed at the noise it made, both because it was terrible to the senses and incredibly loud, pausing every so often to check for unwanted company. “It’s fine,” he muttered to himself, forcing his breathing to remain steady. “Just look here and get out. It’s alright, it’s OK-” He was so focused on keeping himself calm, however, that he didn’t notice his hand sweeping right into the sharp side of a metal shard in the chest, slicing into his palm with a worrying efficiency. 

It should have been a simple affair.

 After someone (read: David, because who else would it be?) came back from his last trial hobbling and stained in his own blood, it soon became clear that the medical supplies at the campfire were running the lowest that they had been in a while. While Nea, oddly focused for someone who liked to backtalk, rationed out what little gauze was left to heal the cursing Bret, Claudette had calmly asked Quentin to look for some more supplies around the realms (“you know what you’re looking for” she’d reasoned with him), before they had to patch each other up with wet leaves and best wishes. And he was more than happy to do so - moving around stopped him from thinking, which stopped him from falling asleep, and even if Freddy’s powers were much weaker here than they had once been, he wasn’t willing to risk a nap to find out to what extent that was true.

 But now he was here, away from the light of the campfire and drowning in the smell of smoke from the old asylum, he was starting to regret it. Not regret helping, of course, but regretting coming here first. He thought of it like a failsafe - there were lots of places to hide from a killer, from tight spaces in the chapel to the white noise of the travelling carnival, so if he were to be spotted, there was a higher chance to escape in one piece. Somehow, though, the old asylum building was even more imposing now than it had ever been. There was no sun, yet it still cast a deliberate, foreboding shadow over him as he took slow, precise steps, pulling at his jacket sleeves to hide his hands (was he cold or just plain nervous? He couldn’t tell) as he heard the sound of old dirt crunching under his feet. Quentin sucked in a breath, exhaling slowly, but keeping the tension in his shoulders as he entered, keeping a hand on the open doorway as he looked down the halls. No sign of anyone, at least for now. Good. This would be quick - it had to be, for the sake of himself.

 Quentin walked up the stairs carefully, trying to ignore the way the floor panels creaked under his feet, as if they would break under his weight. It didn’t help the creep factor the place already had in the slightest, especially with the way the wind whistled through open windows and drops like whispers from the damned. He shivered as he reached the top of the stairs, quickly checking behind him for eyes burning into the back of his head to find that there was nothing, not a spectre to be found. Swallowing down his apprehension and releasing a breath he didn’t know he was holding, the survivor quickly shuffled into the centre room, stepping around the rotting holes in the floor and promptly ignoring the rubble dust that gathered around the edges and fell to the floor below. Quickly spotting the chest he was looking for, Quentin got down on one knee and picked the lock to it with ease, opening it up and digging through the scraps of metal and dirt that laid at the bottom. He cringed at the noise it made, both because it was terrible to the senses and incredibly loud, pausing every so often to check for unwanted company.

“It’s fine,” he muttered to himself, forcing his breathing to remain steady. “Just look here and get out. It’s alright, it’s OK-”

He was so focused on keeping himself calm, however, that he didn’t notice his hand sweeping right into the sharp side of a metal shard in the chest, slicing into his palm with a worrying efficiency. Quentin pulled his hand out of the chest with a yelp, falling on his ass with a wince as the lid of the chest slammed shut. If his aim had been to create as much noise as possible, then oh boy, was he a champion. If was harder to breathe as anxiety welled up in the pit of his stomach, his heartbeat ringing in his ears like a bell, back-and-forth and constant-

 Though not loud enough to conceal the strained breathing down his neck that made him freeze up in fear.

 She didn’t move, and neither did he, keeping his eyes focused on the wall - or, more specifically, the hold on it, a broken window leading to the outside straight in front if him, like a walkway to heaven. Could he make it, if he just… took a leap of faith and booked it? No, that was a stupid move - even if he somehow didn’t hurt himself from the fall, if this killer was who he thought she was (and she probably was, from the strangled noises that sounded like breathing and the smell of smoke that was so much stronger now than it had been before), she could catch up and kill him in seconds, as he’d watched her do in countless trials before.

The breathing from behind got closer, and the tenseness in his shoulders was starting to ache, especially when he flinched at the cold hand that touched his back.

Quentin span around to face the woman, looking up at her as her fragile form cast a shadow over him, holding his injured hands with the other as he pushed himself away from her with his feet. Scramble, scramble away like a rat, and maybe - maybe - he could stay alive long enough to return to the campfire.

But the nurse had other plans. She floated after him, an arm outstretched as if to grab him and choke him. That was the fear response in his brain told him, anyways, as it screamed at him to flee, begged him to do something, anything. But he stayed, back hitting the edge of the open doorway and making him stop his crawl, looking at the ghastly woman. She seemed… different, somehow, though still menacing from the angle he looked at her from now. She was not armed, nor seeming to focus on attacking him, and while she still sounded as if breathing was a trying task, she did not seem as pained as she usually did. Was she really here to kill him?

He looked at her outstretched hand, following where it led and looking down at his still bleeding hand, dark red staining the canvas of his jacket. Is this what she wanted? The panic response in his head still told him this was it, he was going to die if he didn’t do something, but Quentin swallowed, and held his wounded hand up to her, to test what she would do.

Assuming her eyes fell to the cut, and the way his blood dripped to the dirty floor below where her feet would have touched it, the nurse moved her hand to hold it (her grip was delicate, but ice cold), floating down gently and tucking her legs under himself as she sat just inches away from him, where his knees were bundled to his chest. She studied the injury with what he hoped was a kind and expert eye, turning his hand over to inspect it for anything else that may have caused him pain.

 They remained in silence as she inspected his hand, careful not to cause him pain and flinching as he winced very briefly… much different from the nurse he thought he knew.

She took a deep inhale, preparing to speak with great effort, the voice that came out of her raspy but still somehow soothing, as if she’d been screaming for a thousand years but screaming to save others and not herself. “May I… help?”

Quentin blinked. She was asking him for permission. Somewhat stunned, he nodded slightly, letting his hand fall before she caught it again when she released her grip, as she pulled his sleeve up to cover the cut on his palm and closed his fingers into a fist to hold the hem in place.

“Pressure,” she clarified, barely above a whisper, before she shuffled on her knees over to the chest just beside him. The nurse opened it up, first and foremost taking the sharp piece of metal stained in his blood out and putting it to the side, before she began digging through the contents of the chest herself.

The survivor watched her movements, the way she was slow and deliberate, though never unnerving like a monster, or any other killer, would have made him feel. Though he was still slightly on edge, unsure of her motives at this point, there was a… calming sensation to her aura. Like a warm fire in the dead of winter, to match the stench of smoke that clung onto her so desperately.

She eventually pulled out an old medkit from the chest, holding it while she closed the lid with the other hand. After checking the contents of the kit very quickly, she turned to him again. “May I… have your hand, again? My dear?”

“...Ah, uh, yeah.” He held it out to her as she turned to fully face him and take it again, trying not to shiver at the ice-cold touch against his skin while she pulled the sleeve away.

 And that’s how he found himself, for several minutes, sat on the floor of an abandoned asylum, with a fearsome killer doing on him. She hummed a lullaby to herself that he vaguely recognized, wrapping his bleeding hand with motherly care. He played out thousands of scenarios in his head when he first arrived to this realm, but admittedly, this was not one of them - it was almost unnerving. What if this was all a trap? Was she really that smart of plant those seeds?

“What is your name?” She asked, as if nothing was wrong.

Quentin paused “Wh- I, well… you first?”

She stayed silent for a moment, keeping her gaze on his hand as she tied off the gauze with a tight bow. “I… I’m Sally.”

“Sally....” he repeated. It was so normal - well, what did he expect? She must have been human once, right? Maybe?

“And you?”

Ah. Now he was trapped by social obligations. “It’s, uh… Quentin.”

“Quentin…” she copied him, repeating his name in a similarly wistful way, before letting out a slight chuckle. “Odd, but charming.”

“Uh… thanks?” This whole thing was surreal - this woman, who he had seen end lives as quickly as snuffing out an open flame, was speaking to him, so politely, so casually. He moved to rest folded arms against his knees, the thought of running still lingering in the back of his mind, but growing quieter by the minute.

“Why are you here, Quentin? It’s-” She stopped herself to quickly cough and inhale air, as if she was dying. “...dangerous, here.”

He swallowed, before holding up his injured hand. “Funnily enough, it was… this.”

She tilted her head. “A… hand injury?”

“I- no,” he sighed, shaking his head. “...I walked into that one, to be fair.”

Sally chuckled, the melody light and fluffy to cut through the tense air. “A little, yes. It was… supplies?”

He nodded. “We, well- yeah, we’re running out, and… you get it.”

“Well, I… hm,” the nurse mumbled to herself, watching herself cup her chin between two fingers in thought as she seemed to ponder something, before meeting Quentin’s eyes once more. “I will do so.”

“Huh?”

“I will find the items to… help your friends. It’s dangerous here - my neighbours are…” She paused, trying to think of the nicest way to articulate her thoughts. “...Not the hospitable type.”

A killer warning him of another killer almost made him laugh, but he bit his tongue. “Can you do that?”

Sally nodded. “Please think of it as… an apology.”

“Apology?”

Again, she nodded, even going so far to touch the back of his hand, watching as he flinched under her fingertips. “An apology… that your reaction to me must be that.”

Oh. That almost made him feel guilty.

“Please don’t feel sad for me, my dear. You are… a good young man. I remember you.” She pulled her hand away to rest it on her tap again. “We all have roles to play. You, as a survivor, a saint, and myself….”

A sinner, he finished in his head, as she trailed off, leaving the two of them in silence. Quentin could not see her face, but he could feel her frown, and the glazed-over expression in her eyes as whatever was haunting her came to whisper nothings in the back of her brain. He knew that all too well. “...You were nice enough to help me. Maybe you’re… not as bad as you think.”

She looked back up at him, gently shaking her head in disagreement, but not saying anything more as she rose to her feet, holding out her hand for him to take, which he did as he stood to his feet. The nurse led him out of the building and to the edge of the forest, campfire in sight. Sally pulled her hand away to usher him to return to his friends, and as she did so, he hoped she didn’t notice the way his hand moved to hold hers again.

 (It was as if her comforting nature had made him forget exactly who she was, and what she was capable of.)

 The encounter was replayed in his head over and over, as trials passed and he heard stories of them, hoping not to hear of the nurse that treated him so well when he’d intruded on her lands. The group had tried not to be too mad with him when he returned empty-handed, r too pushy about the injury he’d sustained later going out to another realm in a small group and managing to gather just enough to help them out. He was just starting to wonder about the offer she’d made, when a tap on his shoulder brought him out of his thoughts, reminding him that the fog still progressed even without him, and there were trials to participate in - for him to participate in this time, more specifically. Looking up to Steve, who patiently smiled back at him, Quentin stood to his feet-

“Oi, who left these here?”

Looking over to a tree a short distance away from where he was sitting, he saw David, crouched down by the base of it with a concerned look on his face.

“Left what?” Steve called back, approaching with Quentin in tow, following David’s gaze as he folded his arms across his chest.

The brawler signalled down with an open hand, to the pile of medkits and medical supplies - a collection none too shabby, by the standards of the fog - that lay scattered at his feet, loosely assembled in one place, as if they were left in a rush.

Quentin thought back to the asylum again, to the promise he’d made with the killer. Was this her debts, left in haste before anyone suspected a thing? He put his hands into his pockets with a slight smile. “I think I know who left them there.”

David looked up at him, over his shoulder. “Who?”

“A friend.”

[iaintyourbro]

Hey! I just newly found out your acc and so far, I’m loving your posts/analysis. Idk if you’ve already answered or been asked this question but... how did you become a Cloti fan and the reason why you stan them (like what did you like about their tandem etc)? I’m just curious about your “journey” lol. Anyways, keep it up and have a nice day 😁

Hey anon! Thank you!

Oh you want me to ramble! I can ramble about this. Adding a Keep Reading!

You know, I’ve thought about this a lot today because of a conversation on Twitter. I can’t say I TRULY remember much about when I first played FFVII prior to the other pieces of the compilation coming out, things I saw in passing online, or other things that probably have affected how I remember it. 

My Thoughts on What My Journey MAY Have Been

I played FFVII 20 years ago. Of course I THINK I remember how I felt about everything, but the more I do seriously think about it, the more I think the bulk of my opinions have been impacted by multiple different areas over that 20 years. On top of it, I’m not sure anybody who didn’t stay very active in the fandom would fully remember what went on 20 years ago with the game, nor could you truly remember what you felt prior to seeing everything else. It impacts your ability to say “Yes, I was this way, 100%.” 

I wasn’t the biggest FFVII OG fan. I liked it a lot, but I preferred FFVIII and Xenogears by far. Those were the two I focused on the most. In terms of things like FanFiction, for example, I didn’t read Cloud and Tifa or Cloud and Aerith ones, I read Vincent x Lucretcia ones. As an adult, I appreciate FFVII OG much more.

I recall not being the biggest fan of Aerith, and I honestly don’t remember how I felt initially about Tifa. I do remember it feeling like it came out of left field when suddenly she’s in love with him in Mideel (we know it wasn’t sudden, but there was no real obvious buildup to me). If I’m being completely honest, I don’t think I cared at all about who Cloud “ended up with.” My assumption - and this I can say with certainty - was that Aerith died, so that was that. There wasn’t a relationship past that, nor could there be. She was dead. 

Playing FFVII first, but FINISHING FFVIII first may have impacted this opinion as well. FFVIII was in your face romance. FFVII was not. There are a lot of people (myself included) that felt there was very little romance in OG. However, as with all of the other games I played, I did not question the story much at all. Cloud and Tifa have the Lifestream, which I do remember being like “WHAT?!” over that reveal of Cloud being a Shinra Soldier, not a First Class SOLDIER, they have some words Under the Highwind, and then at the end he catches her from falling. The dialogue during the ending bothered me because it made no sense to me at that point. After seeing the original story board, I can see why. I don’t think that was the intention, but for some reason they changed it. One thing I’m pretty certain on is that I got that weird feeling in my stomach where I got annoyed over that line. 

I can recall being weirded out when people said that Cloud and Aerith ended up together, because I remember her dying. In life, 21 year old’s don’t pine for somebody that they knew for a month. That’s just reality. I’m not saying he didn’t feel anything for her, but it still weirds me out that people are okay with thinking he’d shut down and/or take more extreme measures to “reunite” with her, that I don’t even want to get in to. I will say that CA fans were much more vocal online, which I think is why folks like me who didn’t care never really got involved in online fandom. I never understood how it would make sense after beating the game, but I wasn’t the only one who assumed they did something weird at some point and made it where they could be together. I just didn’t care enough to look in to it. 

My sister actually said to me, “Isn’t he with Aerith?” And I said, “No, but I had the same feeling at one point for some reason, and have no idea why.” And I reminded her Aerith died and she said “You’re right.. why would they be together?” Shrugs. I honestly think at one point I assumed they pulled a FFX and revived her in some offshoot game I didn’t play and that’s why people were saying CA.

Oddly enough, I think when I played KH and KH2 it made it obvious to me that they weren’t really pushing CA at all... even though I know some use those games as an argument. Mind you those are NOT canon to the FFVII Compilation, but I found it interesting that they bring in Tifa for KH2 and it ends up that a) Cloud was looking for Sephiroth and b) Tifa appears to have been his light. Even they way Aerith acts towards Cloud in KH never felt romantic to me at all. 

Why I Like Cloud and Tifa

I like Cloud and Tifa because their relationship is very complex. It’s not flowers and sunshine like a lot of the FF romances. Not to say those don’t have drama - I mean Tidus is technically a dream, but they “revive” him anyway later on (never felt right about this, by the way... but I accepted it as part of the story). 

Even in OG, it’s shown that they have quite a history, and Cloud pretty much has built all of his life decisions around Tifa. I do laugh every time I see the meme of the Lifestream and it’s all “Tifa Tifa Tifa”. I believe, I truly do, that the intent in the Lifestream was to make you realize that Cloud had a false persona up until he breaks at the Northern Crater, and once his TRUE SELF is revealed, along with it comes his true feelings. So up until that point, when you, as the player, could make decisions for Cloud and move him in a direction you thought was YOUR CHOICE, it’s not. It was an illusion. 

I, in no way, thought that eloquently 20 years ago. However, I realized that he was in love with Tifa (which I thought was interesting for some reason) and that he created this fake personality to protect himself. The game doesn’t go into it much past that point, you get Under the Highwind, really, as a follow up to the feelings part, but that’s it. So I never saw the romantic aspect of it all as super important - it’s a nice to have.

Remake, however, really does seem to be pushing a more romantic angle, which ultimately made me a hard Cloti stan. I can’t say I WAS one before, even with all the “wait, is he with this or that one?” I never really thought he ended up with anybody TRULY except Tifa, but, like I said, I just didn’t care.

REMAKE MAKES YOU CARE ABOUT ALL OF THESE CHARACTERS. Like a lot. So I didn’t like Aerith in OG - I love Aerith in Remake. I love her relationship with Tifa, I love her sassy, judgemental attitude and her trolling of Cloud, because it’s hilarious. I don’t agree with EVERYTHING,  but she’s by far better for me than she was in OG.

So Remake definitely made me go “holy cow” on the Cloti stuff. IT’S SO IN YOUR FACE. The Train Roll, the touching, the staring, the longing, the flirting. Even if you go the Aerith route, you can’t avoid a large chunk of that. You can skip all of her side-quests and still have a boatload of Cloti. Remake made me love the pairing and love all of the characters. 

Cloti is now by far my favorite media pairing. When you compare it to Squall and Rinoa or Tidus and Yuna it seems much more interesting. Yeah, I’m saying it, and I’m a huge Squinoa fan. BUT - Remake didn’t make me care until now. Remake had me start researching the compilation, to understand where this and that came from. Folks on here have explained things that I may have missed or previously didn’t care about. 

I also have a hard time with CA now after all of the compilation stuff. CC and ACC made it clear that Aerith loved Zack. This is NOT obvious in OG. The only references you get about Zack are “we weren’t that serious” when it’s first brought up in the park, IF you take Aerith with you to Gongaga, then she’ll say he was her first love, and Zack’s parents will say he wrote home about a girlfriend. None of that makes you believe that there was anything really serious between them.

CC clears that up, ACC reinforces it. After that, I can’t mentally do it because of the whole “bro code” thing. If Aerith knows Zack and Cloud were best friends, I can’t see her simply saying “cool I’ll just go with him now.” If Cloud was aware that his best friend was Zack, I don’t think he’d go with her. Prior to that, I can see why people would be okay with it. After finding out everything we know about how close Zack and Cloud really were, I can’t do it. This is a personal thing to me, it doesn’t mean I think nobody should ship CA. This is just how I view it, and I can’t see Aerith OR Cloud being okay with it if they were aware of it. This is also my view post compilation.

Remake reinforces, even further, the whole Zerith thing. As somebody who was meh before about them, I love them now. Remake makes you really look at the whole compilation if you’re not totally familiar with it or haven’t seen/played something in a long time.

So yes, I am definitely a Cloti stan, and probably always may have been, but just didn’t care until Remake. 

But aside from all that - I took it as True Cloud’s One True Love was Tifa - and that’s part of what comes out in the Lifestream. So I don’t think True Cloud would have dropped Tifa. 

[hongism]

BTS Reaction: Your Friend Cancels Plans Last Minute

this is another request for a lovely anon~ thank you for sending in this request, i really enjoyed writing it and i hope you enjoy reading it!

if you like this reaction, please let me know!

BTS Reaction for their s/o being introverted and having a good friend who they rarely hang out with. the friend makes plans but then cancels last minute. the s/o is really disappointed because they had to get emotionally ready and dressed up 

Genre: Angst

Words: 1488

Requested

Warning: Deals with topics of social anxiety and anxiety attacks (not all members have reactions that deal with this, but this warning refers to the ones that do – please do not read if this makes you uncomfortable). For all those who struggle with things such as this – any kind of anxiety, mental illness, social situations – you are not alone, and if you ever need someone to just vent to, please feel free to send a message my way. I understand and relate to this reaction far more than I’d like to admit, and I honestly put a lot of my own thoughts and emotions into this reaction because of that.

 Seokjin:

If there’s one thing you hate, it’s last minute plans, but even worse than that is cancelling plans last minute. Seokjin knows this well, and he always makes sure that he never does that to you. Being as introverted as you are, it is difficult for you to do a lot of social things. Just preparing to go out takes a lot of mental preparation, so Seokjin would already be concerned when you tell him that you’re going out to a club of all places with a friend. He would hate the fact that he can’t be with you to comfort you when he knows that you’ll be uncomfortable, unhappy, and anxious. He would encourage you in the days leading up to the outing, but when you call him in tears because your friend just cancelled plans last minute, his heart would ache for you.

“I know how anxious you were about it, Y/N, and I’m so sorry that your friend cancelled. How about I come over now and we have a relaxing night in with no anxiety or worries whatsoever?”

 Yoongi (WARNING):

You told Yoongi about your social anxiety rather early in your relationship simply because he said he could tell there was something more serious than introversion and shyness and you didn’t want to lie to him. Since then, he has always been the one to keep you honest with yourself about things you really want to do versus things you do to please other people. This outing with your friend would be a big debate between you and him, Yoongi knowing that you don’t really want to go, but you keep denying it to the point where Yoongi decided to stop arguing about it. You call minutes before you are supposed to leave, and Yoongi thinks that you’ve thought better of the idea and decided to not go. Worse, however, is hearing your panicked tone, the shortness of breath evident in your gasps through the receiver. You can barely tell him that your friend cancelled through your panic. He knows that the anxiety attack is the residue fro the threat of having to go out, and even now that the threat is gone, your mind is telling you that it is still looming.

“Breathe, Y/N, breath. In and out, nice and easy. I’m on my way over right now. Breathe for me. I’ll be there soon, okay? Everything will be okay.”

 Hoseok:

Being as extroverted as he is, Hoseok sometimes does not fully understand why social situations bring about so much anxiety, but the moment he sees you panicking over an outing with a friend, he will be at your side to comfort you and encourage you. On multiple occasions, he tells you that you shouldn’t go for your own wellbeing, but you insist for the sake of your friend. He won’t argue with you because that is the last thing he wants to do. Still it would hurt him to watch you put yourself through so much anxiety and stress for the sake of your friend. You call him the day of only to inform him of how your friend cancelled plans. He could tell that you are trying not to cry, and after you explain how disappointed you are, you would finally break down.

“Y/N, it’s okay, yea? I’m so sorry. You’re still dressed to go out right? How about we go out for dinner or something?”

 Namjoon (WARNING):

Namjoon could see your social anxiety the moment he met you, but he never pushed you to tell him yourself until you were comfortable doing so. Still, he always made sure to be careful to accommodate you even when you asked him not to, because your happiness and comfort would always be primary for him. When you call him with a stuttering tone and shaky breaths, he knows something just triggered an anxiety attack. His first goal would be to calm you down some before you try talking too much, then he would ask you to explain what happened. It suddenly makes much more sense when you say that a friend made plans to go to a club with you and you don’t want to disappoint them by saying no. Namjoon encourages you to consider your wellbeing over pleasing others, but you don’t listen. Needless to say, he is quite grateful to hear that your friend decided to cancel those plans a few hours before it was supposed to happen. Seeing how disappointed and upset you are, however, takes all that joy away and he hurts for you.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. I know how much you stressed over this, and right now it may feel as though it was all for nothing. You are so strong, Y/N. I hope you know that and know how much I respect you for your strength.”

 Jimin (WARNING):

If Jimin could have it his way, he would be at your side 90% of the time. You could say it’s due to his natural clinginess and desire to be close to you, but much of it actually relies on his concern surrounding your anxiety. He wants to be able to be there for you all the time just in case something happens so he can help control it as best he can. He knows he can’t intrude on the time you spend with your friends, so he would be vocal about his disapproval of the idea up until the day that it is supposed to occur. He would be surprised to receive a call from you an hour before you leave, but he doesn’t worry about any of that once he hears your sniffling and nasally tone.

“She cancelled, Jimin. I put so much effort into dressing well and preparing myself mentally for this, only for her to cancel an hour before.”

“Y/N, love, I’m so sorry. I’m going to come over as soon as possible, okay? I’ll take you out for dinner if you want, or we can stay in and just cuddle. It’s completely up to you, love. I’ll be there shortly to comfort you in person.”

 Taehyung:

Whilst Taehyung is extroverted and very social, he would be able to sympathize with you on a certain level. Social situations can be beastly and difficult, especially if you are someone who prefers to spend time alone or with a select few people. Taehyung always made sure to be careful about where you went on dates so that you never were too far outside your comfort zone. You would be the one who decides to challenge yourself and agree to go to a club for the first time with a friend.  When the day comes, however, your friend texts and tells you that he has to cancel the plans, leaving you all dressed up and mentally prepared for the outing. Disappointed, you call Taehyung, who listens to your woes about the situation and how you had gotten ready for nothing.

“Y/N, I’m headed over right now. We can do something together instead. We can go get dinner, then walk over to Han River and spend time in the park together. It’ll be much more fun than being in a place that would make you uncomfortable, and I can be at your side the whole time.”

 Jungkook:

Jungkook prefers to do things on his own as well, being one of the more introverted and solitary members. He would completely understand your desires to lay low and not do anything too strenuously social when hanging out with friends. Still, he knows how hard it is for you to say no, and you often thrust yourself into uncomfortable situations out of the desire to please your friends, neglecting your wellbeing for the sake of their favor. He can never vocalize his true feelings about that, but the opportunity finally comes when your friend cancels plans minutes before they were supposed to occur. You would text Jungkook first to let him know that you’ll be at home for the evening instead of out, and he would call in response, knowing there is more to the story than that. Once he finally gets the truth out of you – how you stressed over it, had anxiety about this day more than any other, got dressed four different times just to look nice, and cried yourself to sleep three nights in a row because the stress was eating you up – he’ll do anything to comfort you and make you feel better.

“Y/N, I love you so much. You really ought to think about yourself more often. You are so important. Don’t let your friends control your life. You don’t have to agree to every outing, especially if they are going to make you uncomfortable in any way. I’m so sorry that this happened. I’ll head over now with your favorite snacks, and we can have a movie night instead. I know you’d prefer that.”

written by: jungtaeyoongles

all gifs belong to their owners

[pickledchickenetti]

So I’ve had something on my mind for the last week or two that I’ve been trying to figure out how to best start a post about and coming up short. We all know that I have a tendency to be long-winded, and some of this post is going to be stream of consciousness, at least moreso than my usual longer posts, which I usually wait to start until I have a pretty solid idea of what I want to say and how I want to say it. I may go back and edit this some at the end, I may not, probably depends on how it comes out. (Edited at the end to add: I’m not editing anything. It’s long and I’m not expecting anyone to force themselves through it, but thanks to those who do!) Since this is partially me using my blog as a place to ruminate on some things, I’m going to put it under a read more for those who don’t want to have it clogging up their dashboard. 

Lately I’ve had a lot of mixed feelings regarding social media and what voices and mindsets I allow to be a part of my everyday life. I put a lot of effort into carefully treading the line between taking unnecessary negativity out of my social media feeds and creating an echo chamber where I only see people who agree with me. Most of the time, the decision comes down to the tone and intent. If someone is consistently rude, angry, or condescending, with very little useful contribution to any conversation I unfollow them. This applies to people on Facebook who constantly use slurs, post hateful things about people with opposing beliefs or political stances (even if I generally agree with that person’s beliefs or stances) with little attention to facts, and it also applies to people here are just needlessly rude with no real contributions to the overall conversation. 

The older I get, the more I find choosing kindness to be a priority in my life. I’m not perfect; I fully admit there are still times when I’m rude or condescending. Sometimes this is an accident, and unfortunately sometimes it isn’t. I don’t like this, and I try especially hard not to be intentionally condescending. Kindness is a choice, and progress takes time. 

As I’m sure most of you know, I am often very critical of @kristagay‘s posts. I still stand by many, possibly even most, of the opinions I’ve shared. Kindness is important to me, but it’s also important to me to not let other people’s hurtful words or actions go unchecked when I have the ability to say/do something. (This applies to everyone in my radar, not just Krista.) I have very strong opinions on a number of subjects, but it’s especially important to me to speak up in defense of others in the LGBTQA community as that’s a community I belong to and those struggles are more personal to me. 

A little while back, I got a string of anons (many were answered, some were deleted) that made it seem like someone was trying to create some sort of feud between me and Krista. As I said in one of the posts at that time, I was under no illusion that Krista was reading any of my posts that didn’t tag her directly, and had no interest in any sort of feud. Krista does not follow me, and in general does not seem to interact much on Tumblr beyond asks to her and posts she is directly tagged in (or reblogs/comments on her posts of course). I would likely be the same way if I stumbled onto a community of people discussing every little detail of people I was friends with in real life. I would want to set the record straight and defend my friends while also respecting their privacy, and as a result I doubt I’d interact much anyway. I respect her choice to not discuss them at all, even the things seen on TV, and hope she will continue to make that choice no matter how annoying people asking her for info might get. (And to Pickles and anyone else who has crossed the line and sent her intentionally inflammatory messages/questions about the Duggars or hate for the sake of hate, please kindly delete your accounts and learn how to interact with actual humans in a respectful way.) 

When I got the string of anons asking me about Krista, I took a step back and tried to objectively examine why I followed Krista, why I continued to devote energy in responding to her posts, and if it was worth my time and emotional energy to continue doing so. The difference I found between Krista’s posts, which do often frustrate me, and posts from others who I have chosen to unfollow and/or block is the intent and context behind the posts. 

At the end of the day, Krista and I are very similar. We were both raised in very conservative families/churches, who had different plans for us than the lives we’ve chosen to pursue. We’ve both come to believe differently about God than the churches we were raised in. And we both know what it’s like to have to keep up appearances, especially online, in order to not destroy (or majorly hurt) relationships with people in our lives offline who it’s still important to maintain a relationship with. 

There are a couple big differences between us. First of all, I’m gay. I came to believe differently than the church I was raised in largely because I’ve had to just to be who I am and not feel depressed and suicidal all the time. When you grow up gay in a conservative family, life gives you two choices: shut off who you are and spend your life convincing yourself you are who you were told you were supposed to be or do major amounts of soul-searching to figure out who you are and how to accept yourself. When you’re already evaluating one major aspect of who you are and what you believe it becomes nearly impossible to not do that same evaluation on the other beliefs you were raised in. Because of this process, I’ve come to see a lot of hypocrisy and downright lies in the belief system I was raised in. This has pushed me into developing a pretty strong set of opinions, beliefs, and political stances that stand in stark contrast to my family and lifelong family friends. 

As a cisgendered straight woman, Krista did not have this huge thing forcing her to do major soul-searching. Despite this, she has done soul-searching, and seems to still be doing it. (It’s really a lifelong process, after all.) She has stepped out into a world that she likely didn’t consider being able to live in as a little girl. She’s pursued an educational and career path that’s impressive for even women who were raised being encouraged to focus on education, so for someone in her church and belief system to get to where she is is monumental, and for that I applaud her. So while I definitely disagree with her beliefs on a number of subjects, and will continue to say so (with thoughtful responses, not just complaints) when I feel her posts call for it, I am doing my best to remember that no one was born perfect, and she is still learning just as much as the rest of us are. I’ve said many times that I really do believe her intentions are good, and I stand by that belief. She’s learning. She’s trying. She may be one of the more conservative voices in our tumblr community, but many of us have admitted we used to be worse than we are now, and she’s come a long way from who she once was too. 

The other big difference between us, at least as far as tumblr goes, is that she has chosen to attach her name and face to her posts on here, and I have not. Many of you know who I am, follow me elsewhere, etc. That doesn’t change the fact that publicly, all you see is a food-based username and (currently) a photo of Jana Duggar on a boat. I share my first name, my age, and my general location. While someone who knew me offline could likely piece together my identity if they paid enough attention, I am careful to not overly-identify myself. This relative anonymity grants me the privilege of speaking freely online without worrying about offline consequences. Krista has not granted herself that same anonymity. I’m honestly a little embarrassed that I had never considered before the fact that she likely does not feel she can speak freely on Tumblr. I am very careful what I post on my other social media platforms. When my name and face are attached, I pretty much never mention LGBTQA issues for fear of outing myself and losing family members I’m not ready to lose. I don’t post about the abuses found in many Baptist churches or the lasting harmful effects I feel from my overly-religious childhood. This is partially to avoid a can of worms with a widespread ripple effect and partially out of respect for my parents and their desire to not have to defend me for believing things they don’t even agree with themselves. For Krista, the things she says here can and likely do affect her life offline, and it’s something that’s important to keep in mind when reading her posts. 

I don’t say all of this to say that Krista gets a pass for hurtful things she says. We all are still accountable for the things we say, and she has chosen to put herself in the position of having to choose between saying things that will hurt her offline life, censoring herself, or staying silent. There are topics I still wish she would just address openly or not at all. But at the end of the day, she has the same right to censor herself here as I do elsewhere, and I will be trying to keep that in mind going forward. When interacting with her privately, she’s only ever proven herself to be kind and open to hearing what I have to say. In the future, I may give her the same respect I often give my offline friends where I just send her a DM to clarify her intent of a seemingly rude or hateful post instead of just calling her out publicly. We’re all learning, Krista included. 

Social media, especially Tumblr, has given in to a dangerous mindset that’s often referred to as “cancel culture”. There are times when it is absolutely the right choice to “cancel” someone. Like I said at the beginning of my post, we have the right to choose what voices to allow into our feeds. We should all take advantage of that right and do what’s best for our mental health. I just think we should also be more mindful of context and intent when deciding whether or not to “cancel” someone. We all say we want young girls (and boys) in fundie communities to get out of that lifestyle and find better beliefs, but getting out doesn’t happen overnight. Many of us have the benefit of getting here after shedding many of our toxic beliefs. For those who aren’t there yet, I hope we will just remember to choose kindness and respect and do our best to be open to educating them without being hateful or derogatory. 

[commentaryvorg]

Danganronpa V3 Commentary: Part 2.3

Be aware that this is not a blind playthrough! This will contain spoilers for the entire game, regardless of the part of the game I’m commenting on. A major focus of this commentary is to talk about all of the hints and foreshadowing of events that are going to happen and facts that are going to be revealed in the future of the story. It is emphatically not intended for someone experiencing the game for their first time.

Last time in chapter 2, it was Kaito time all the time (my favourite kind of time), kicking off Shuichi and Kaito’s soon-to-be-epic friendship by hanging out with him all day and learning about astronaut training, communication, and the overactive imagination he had as a kid and hasn’t really lost. Then, thanks to his motive video showing up, I discussed the merits of the “Kaito’s parents died” train over the alternative, and how simply “living” is only an effective motive for murder in this killing game when you’re dying.

This time, we’ll continue talking about the motive videos but in a less Kaito-centric way, as Shuichi rushes to discuss them with everyone else.

Shuichi:  “Ah, I’ll think about that stuff later! I should hurry and tell Kaito!”

It’s pretty adorable how Shuichi just immediately jumps to thinking that Kaito deserves to know this information about his most important people, not even considering that knowing might make Kaito more inclined to murder someone and maybe it’s better not to tell him.

I’m a little surprised Shuichi doesn’t also wonder about his own video, though. On my first time through, I thought this was actually the point of mixing them up – that watching anyone’s video and seeing the format of “here’s the most important people in your life, oh no something bad’s happened to them” would make everyone think “but what about my most important people? Surely they have to be okay, right?” and be desperate and potentially willing to kill simply to see their own video and confirm whether or not their own loved ones are safe.

Bahaha, if you examine any room other than Kaito’s when Shuichi is trying to find him…

Shuichi:  (This isn’t Kaito’s room! Come on, calm down, get a hold of yourself…)

I like the game justifying the player goofing off by trying to play it off as part of Shuichi’s frantic mental state.

Shuichi:  “Hey, has anyone seen Kaito!?”

Kiyo:  “You seem in a panic. Over the Kubs Pad if I’m not mistaken.”

Good job making it obvious to everyone in the dining hall whose video you have, Shuichi.

(Man, I wonder who got Kiyo’s. You’d think that his would have raised some red flags about him. Makes me think that it has to have been Tsumugi, because she’s the only person who wouldn’t have tried to act upon that and warn everyone about the fact that he’s a serial killer. Or he got his own too.)

Important thing to bear in mind from now on: Kirumi has seen her own motive video and is now plotting murder.

Kiyo:  “Kaito and Keebo went to gather everyone else so that we may discuss our plans.”

Of course Kaito would have been one of the people who’d volunteer to do that. This is about co-operation, after all!

(I bet Kaito was the one who went to drag Maki here from her lab.)

Maki:  “I ignored it because I figured it was something stupid.”

This is so wonderfully Maki. Of course she’d think it’s dumb and not want anything to do with it, especially if it seems related to the Monokubs. It’s actually a somewhat-necessary plot point that she never watches Ryoma’s video, but the writers didn’t even remotely have to force it for her to not do so.

Gonta:  “Y-Yeah! Why Gonta get Tsumugi’s video—”

So either the videos’ creators put more effort than was necessary into Tsumugi’s video given that they were supposed to only be seen by their intended recipient anyway, or Tsumugi’s video was kind of suspect but only in a subtle way that went over Gonta’s head. (Then again, Kokichi’s going to see it too eventually, so probably not the latter.)

Ryoma:  “Why not? They’re videos of the most important people in our lives.”

Aww, Ryoma. Look at him being desperate to see if he has any people like that.

Keebo is the most adamant out of anyone that exchanging videos would be a bad idea. I wonder if that was his inner voice telling him that, since the people behind that voice obviously have experience with motive videos in other killing games.

Ryoma:  “I’m against that.”

Tsumugi:  “Huh? Against it? Why? If you see that video, it’ll turn into a motive, right?”

Ryoma:  “That’s why I want to see it.”

Ryoma wants a motive to live!

Kaito:  “It might not matter to you whether you get killed or not, but… We’re different! We all want to live! Wake up already! You’re like some zombie wandering around with no will to live!”

If this were anyone but Ryoma, Kaito would be trying to figure out why he’s acting this way. But because it’s Ryoma, seeing him like this in the first place makes Kaito angry and he gets stuck on that and can’t see beyond it.

Ryoma:  “No will to live, huh? Hmph, if that’s how you see me, then so be it.”

Ryoma’s reaction here rather implies that he thinks Kaito’s judgement of him is wrong – after all, he wants to see the motive videos so that he can find the will to live, which in and of itself is will to live. It’s interesting – but fitting, given how he is – that Ryoma doesn’t really care what Kaito thinks about him and isn’t going to go out of his way to correct him.

Ryoma:  “But I’ve got no plans to change my opinion. That’s just not cool.”

So presumably by this, he simply means he’s not going to change his mind about wanting to see his videos, and not about having no reason to live, since he very much is hoping his video will change his opinion about that and give him a reason to live.

Kokichi:  “Don’t get the wrong idea. I’m not saying we shouldn’t care about killing or dying…”

For once, this is a true statement.

Kokichi:  “But I think it’d be better if we didn’t cooperate with each other. Actually, we *definitely* shouldn’t cooperate with each other!”

Tenko:  “We shouldn’t cooperate? Why not!?”

Kokichi:  “Think back to all of Monokuma’s actions so far. Whenever we tried to work together, Monokuma would retaliate with a plan to make us suffer. It happened when Kaede wanted us to cooperate, and again with these motive videos, right? Which means, the more we try to cooperate, the more he’ll try to make us suffer.”

This is true, but Kokichi is completely missing the point. Obviously Monokuma retaliates by inflicting suffering every time people try to co-operate because everyone’s co-operation is really bad for him! If everyone co-operates fully, there’ll be no more killings and they might manage to escape, which is exactly what he doesn’t want! This means everyone should co-operate more, not less! Sure, Monokuma will continue to try to make them suffer, but that suffering will be worth it if they keep co-operating anyway and manage to escape. Kokichi is too caught up on the fact that the initial suffering inflicted by Monokuma is bad and not focusing on the end result they’ll reach if they push through it anyway because he is a gigantic coward. This is one of the most transparently cowardly opinions Kokichi ever expresses. It’s also very similar to his mindset in chapter 1 when he discouraged everyone from continuing to try the escape tunnel (shoutout to the anon who brought this up and made me realise that they’re related) – he got hung up on the initial pain and suffering it caused them to the point of ignoring the fact that it would have been worth it in the end if they managed to get through it anyway.

…And it’s honestly a little frustrating that nobody else actually picks up on this and explains how drastically Kokichi is missing the point here. I’d have expected Kaito to potentially do that, at least.

Also remember how Kokichi hinted at this opinion of his before, after they saw the Flashback Light, and this is him now explicitly spelling it out in order to be, arguably, helpful. But the thing is, Kokichi hints at so many things he’s aware of that would be potentially helpful to everyone if he spelled them out and explained why he thought this way, but this is the only time he ever does so. Which rather makes it seem like the only reason Kokichi is spelling this out is not because he cares about being helpful to everyone else but because he’s trying to protect himself. Because even if Kokichi pointedly doesn’t co-operate, if everyone else works together and Monokuma decides to make them suffer for it then he’ll make everyone suffer, including Kokichi, and Kokichi doesn’t want that.

Kirumi:  “You are saying that if we do not rally together, we will not be made to suffer?”

Kirumi, at least, is probably semi-agreeing with him because her priorities now are to make sure her murder plan goes off without a hitch, having seen her own motive video, and the less wrenches Monokuma tries to throw into the mix, the better for her.

Kokichi:  “That’s why I had no choice but to screw with you guys.”

Yep, because you’re a huge coward who’s just terrified of what the big, bad Monokuma might do to everyone (especially you) if they actually try and fight back against him.

Shuichi:  “And you’re not lying to us right now?”

Kokichi:  “…Whether I’m lying or not, what I’m saying is still true.”

Surprisingly enough, Kokichi’s statement does make sense. He’s saying, “whether I really feel this way or not, I’m still making a valid point”. Which is the case about a lot of the things he says, really… at least insofar as his points are ever valid, which is frequently debatable, including right now.

Kokichi:  “Anyway, we shouldn’t force ourselves to co-operate. Let’s just all do our own thing.”

Co-operation is not something that people have to force themselves to do, especially not in a dangerous situation like this; it’s just human nature to do so. The fact that Kokichi thinks of it this way is pretty telling about how he really feels about co-operation, in a way that doesn’t have anything to do with how Monokuma may or may not respond to it.

Shuichi:  (It’s *because* we’re trying to co-operate that Monokuma is making us suffer…? But what about… everything we went through…? What was the point of Kaede sacrificing herself…?)

I’d ask why Shuichi hasn’t figured out how obviously Kokichi is missing the point either, but his questioning the point of Kaede’s sacrifice indicates he sort of gets it. Monokuma retaliated to Kaede’s co-operation by leading her into a trap that got her killed. But if they just agree with Kokichi here and never co-operate again, then Kaede only ever existed as an example of what not to do rather than as motivation for the rest of them to keep being brave and trying their best to escape. Kaede would have basically died for nothing.

Kokichi:  “Let’s just exchange our motive videos instead of cooperating with each other.”

Considering that Kokichi got his own video, he knows that Monokuma was not trying to make it so that nobody sees their own video and that mixing them up was an accident. So given what he also just said about co-operation, most of the reason Kokichi wants everyone to see their own video is probably because he knows that’s what Monokuma intended to happen, and he’s afraid that if everyone keeps preventing each other from seeing their videos then Monokuma will do something even worse to them to force this next murder through. He wants to prevent Monokuma’s wrath by giving Monokuma what he’s after – which is to say, another murder. (So much for him saying just a few minutes ago that it’s not that they shouldn’t care about killing or dying – there was a part of him that meant that, but here he goes, being willing to let another murder happen anyway so long as the victim isn’t him.)

But also, look at how he worded that like everyone agreeing to exchange their motive videos wouldn’t also have been a different kind of “co-operation”. Both everyone sharing and everyone not sharing would count as “co-operation”. The only thing that wouldn’t be co-operation is if only some people secretly share their videos without agreeing it with everyone else. I think that’s also partially what Kokichi’s afraid of and why he wants everyone to exchange the videos even if he’s insisting on not calling that “co-operation” because he’s allergic to the concept. He’s afraid of the idea that everyone has to trust on the surface that nobody will share the videos, when anyone could break that trust at any time and then secretly be out to kill. If everyone shared the videos, there would be no more trust necessary from anyone once it happened, which is probably why Kokichi doesn’t think of that scenario as “co-operation”.

Kokichi feeling that way about people secretly seeing their own videos is also pretty hypocritical of him given that he received his own motive video and hasn’t told anyone, giving him currently the second-most reason to kill someone without anybody else knowing that he has that. Not that he would act on it, because he’s already certain he’ll get caught and executed if he tries that, but.

Kokichi:  “C’mon, Gonta, let’s go.”

Gonta:  “What? Gonta, too!?”

Kokichi:  “We promised to think of a way to get everyone to exchange their motive videos, remember? […]”

Gonta:  “W-Wait! Did Gonta make promise!?”

No, you didn’t, Gonta! LEAVE HIM ALONE, KOKICHI.

(This kind of thing is exactly why Gonta needs to be more sure of himself.)

Kaito:  “Quit screwing around… ‘Our sake’? Yeah, right. I’ve had it with his lies.”

Kaito knows what’s up. Because you’d think, given Kaito’s extremely keen intuition regarding people, that if Kokichi really did secretly care about doing things for everyone’s sake, Kaito would be able to pick up on that even though all outward signs say otherwise. Just like how he’s going to pick up on the fact that Maki is a good person despite all the evidence to the contrary.

Kaito:  “Wait up, Ryoma! Don’t forget. We’re all struggling to get out of here alive. So don’t get in our way…”

Ryoma:  “I’ve got no intention of getting in your way. I’d never do something so uncool.”

Kaito is probably saying this because he’s worried Ryoma will also try to get everyone to swap videos and therefore increase the chance of a murder happening. But of course, Ryoma only cares about seeing his own video, and he’s very much not the kind of person who’d deliberately endanger everyone else just to get something he wants (unlike someone else here). Someone with no reason to live, but who still cares about everyone else around him, wouldn’t ever be that selfish.

Kirumi:  “My workload has increased significantly… This calls for a more tactical approach.”

Yep, on top of all the requests everyone’s just given Kirumi, she’s also got to come up with a whole murder plot now.

Really, though, let’s respect Kirumi for the fact that she continues to try and fulfil everyone’s wishes right up until she commits murder. She still cares about everyone here and doesn’t want to have to sacrifice them all to escape.

Himiko:  “…”

Tenko:  “…Wait, what’s wrong, Himiko? Are you hungry?”

Himiko is clearly too depressed to feel hungry, what with the newest motive having made the situation even more awful again. But I can understand why Tenko might assume this, since she’s probably the sort of person who gets in a bad mood when she’s hungry and she’s projecting that onto Himiko.

Shuichi:  (I wish I could do something on my own, but that’s impossible… If I screw up, it’ll be just like Kaede all over again—)

Shuichi is still beating himself up and being afraid of making the slightest mistake.

Shuichi:  (I can’t stand around doing nothing! I… promised her!)

But since he’s still desperate to try and do something, why don’t we say he’s going to do so by trying to pry Gonta away from whatever nefarious plans Kokichi has with him? By which I mean Gonta is my other free time target in this chapter, because it’s at least vaguely plausible that Shuichi might be worried about him in particular after Kokichi dragged him off like that at breakfast. (And because I really like Gonta, okay, shush.)

Ryoma:  “Since the motives were swapped, as long as we don’t sort them out, no murders will happen… Or so Keebo said, but… Somebody might take action because they want to see the motive…”

Hah, Ryoma’s having the same thought that I did first time around. Of course, he’s thinking this because he wants to see his own motive video more than anyone else. (Except… you really don’t, Ryoma. Trust me on this.)

Himiko and Angie are hanging out in the same place. Oh, dear.

Kaito:  “How in the world did he end up like that…?”

Kaito is still hung up on Ryoma. At least now it seems he’s progressed to the point of wondering why Ryoma feels this way. I’m… not sure if he knows about the part where Ryoma slaughtered a whole mafia. You’d think he’d have heard that from the news? But even if he did, it’s not like the news would have mentioned why, so.

Sorry, though, Kaito, I’m going to leave you to brood for now. Shuichi has a Gonta to try and pry away from Kokichi. He’s hanging out with Kokichi right now, of course.

Gonta:  “Oh! Shuichi! You here to help Gonta think of way to get everyone to trade motives?”

Unfortunately it seems that Kokichi has already convinced Gonta that trading motive videos is the correct course of action.

Gonta:  “Huh? You wanna spend time with Gonta? But Kokichi already invite Gonta…”

Kokichi:  “Oh, it’s fine. Let’s hang out later.”

Gonta:  “O-Okay! Then what should we do, Shuichi?”

There’s an exchange like this whether you hang out with Gonta or with Kokichi for each of the time slots when they’re plotting together. It’s a neat touch.

Gonta:  “Gonta very, very happy! This maybe first time Gonta spend free time with anyone!”

…except for Kokichi just now. Let’s assume Gonta doesn’t think that counts in the same way. After all, Kokichi’s spending time with him for a specific purpose and not because he just wants to hang out as friends.

But, aww, poor Gonta not having had anyone want to hang out with him before just because he looks scary.

Gonta:  “So Gonta will work hard! Treat Shuichi like true gentleman!”

Shuichi:  “Ah, it’s okay, Gonta. You don’t have to be so… intense. Just talking is fine.”

And he’s so desperate to make sure he shows Shuichi a good time so that Shuichi won’t regret hanging out with him. Gontaaaa, just getting to spend time with someone as lovely as you is more than worth it.

Gonta’s idea of a good time is racing.

Shuichi:  “Race?”

Gonta:  “Gonta good at running! Running full speed through forest so much fun! Plus, feel good to run like wind. Maybe nice change of pace.”

Because it’s the kind of thing he always used to do for fun in the forest and he doesn’t realise a lot of people in human society maybe don’t find it as fun as he does.

Shuichi:  (Gonta grabbed my hand and pulled me firmly, and I ran along behind him.) “G-Gonta! You’re running too fast!”

I’m picturing Shuichi being dragged along so fast that his feet are barely touching the ground any more as he flails behind Gonta like a banner. I keep vaguely wanting to draw this.

Shuichi ends up so exhausted that he almost trips and falls down the stairs to the basement, but Gonta catches him.

Gonta:  “No thank Gonta… Gonta make Shuichi run… This all Gonta’s fault… Sorry… Gonta not very fun after all…”

Here’s more of Gonta apologising because he’s so unsure of himself – he wasn’t sure what the best thing to do while hanging out with Shuichi was, but he picked the best thing he could think of, and yet now he’s ended up convinced that it was a terrible idea and he should never have done it. Poor Gonta, always desperately trying to do the right thing but never knowing how.

Shuichi:  “Why did you invite me? Kaito looks like he’d be better at running…”

Gonta:  “Invite Kaito? You sure? Gonta not wanna make trouble…”

This is me picking not-the-nicest dialogue option again just so that I can have a chance to say: oh man wouldn’t it be great if Gonta and Kaito did actually hang out more, though. They’re both adorable and very similar in some ways but very different in others and I’d love to see them become better friends than they do in canon.

Although really the problem here isn’t that Gonta invited Shuichi – since after all it was Shuichi who invited Gonta to hang out in the first place – but just that Gonta suggested an activity that wasn’t the most appropriate for Shuichi, because he wasn’t able to see that not everyone would necessarily enjoy it as much as him.

Shuichi:  “Ah, um, Gonta… I had a lot of fun, running with you. I’d like to do this again sometime. The next time you need another change of pace.”

Shuichi still says this, though, regardless of which dialogue option you pick! So yay. Having a change of pace and moving his body instead of using his mind is exactly the kind of thing Shuichi needs right now, even if Gonta doesn’t realise it.

Gonta:  “Gonta do anything for Shuichi! Gonta protect you! Like gentleman!”

Shuichi:  (Gonta is brimming with positivity. …Gonta really is pure.)

Exactly what I was about to say, Shuichi! He’s such a good.

Tenko:  “I can’t stop thinking about it… Who’s in my motive video? N-No, I can’t! I would be falling right into Monokuma’s trap!”

See what I mean about how I thought the real trap was people wondering about who’s in their motive video and be potentially willing to take drastic action just to see it?

Keebo:  “I also want to know what is contained in my motive video… But…”

Keebo’s video almost certainly contains his father, the professor who created him. Keebo probably already knows this and is thinking instead about what bad thing may or may not have happened to him according to the video. This is exactly what’s so dangerous about knowing your video exists and roughly what it’ll be like but not its exact contents.

Himiko and Angie are together again, this time in Himiko’s lab. We all know where this is going.

Himiko:  “Angie’s been talking to me non-stop…”

Yeah, brainwashing you. It doesn’t look like Himiko had much of her own input in the matter, either.

Gonta and Kokichi are also still together, of course.

Gonta:  “Oh, Shuichi… Kokichi say stuff that hard to understand… Make Gonta feel sleepy…”

Poor Gonta. Let’s imagine Shuichi assumes from this that he did enough earlier to prevent Kokichi from manipulating him. Totally not just because I still want to hang out with Kaito once more in this chapter or anything.

Interestingly, Ryoma is hanging out in the corridor not far from where Maki is guarding her lab. He doesn’t know she has his video yet, but he has seen hers, so he’s the only one right now other than Maki herself (and Tsumugi) who knows why she’s guarding that lab.

Meanwhile, Kaito is hanging out inside Ryoma’s lab, which means that he’s apparently still brooding about Ryoma on some level even though this time he manages not to voice it to Shuichi.

Kaito:  “Oh, Shuichi. What’s up? You wanna talk about something?”

Shuichi:  (Should I hang out with Kaito for a while?) [Yes]

Kaito:  “Yeah, that’s fine. I… was just thinking I wanted to talk to you.”

This is a little hint that Kaito is already thinking of starting to train Shuichi! Honestly it wouldn’t be surprising if he just up and started doing it now. Let’s assume he decides to wait until nighttime anyway because he prefers to train outside when the stars are out, since, you know, space. And maybe some other reasons that we’ll get to.

Besides, we still have the rest of his ridiculou – I mean, very exciting and definitely true story to hear, right?

Kaito:  “Hey! If you’re back, that means… Haha! You really want to listen to my stories, huh!? Well, if you say so!”

It’s pretty interesting that Kaito’s idea of “how to make friends with someone” appears to equate to “telling them (completely exaggerated and made up) stories about how cool and heroic he totally is”. He does not know how to have normal, down-to-earth interactions with people at all.

Shuichi:  (*You* were the one who said you’d finish the story next time…)

Again with Shuichi sounding mildly annoyed, putting this scene probably before the training. That said, Shuichi still came to hear the rest of the story, so he can’t be that annoyed.

Kaito:  “Umm, what happened after that…? Oh, I remember! Something amazing happened before I got off my boat!”

Shuichi:  (You say it was amazing, but you forgot it? …I’ll keep it to myself.)

Yeah, that wasn’t Kaito almost forgetting his made-up details or anything, because it all definitely happened.

Kaito:  “I got caught in a storm. I thought I was done for, but right when I was preparing for the worst… My boat was eaten by a whale!”

Shuichi:  “Ah. I see.”

I love how deadpan Shuichi is about this whole thing.

Kaito:  “It was a whale, man! The second smartest thing in this world after me! It probably saw my greatness and hid me in its stomach, away from the storm.”

So the whale wasn’t even a greater danger – it was a deus ex machina magically saving him from the danger of the storm without him having to overcome it himself, because he’s just that much of a hero that of course he got out of trouble effortlessly, right?

(Also please take note and appreciate that Kaito is the smartest thing in the world. Clearly.)

Shuichi:  (I didn’t expect this kind of tall tale from you, Kaito.)

…I mean, after the first half of it, what else were you expecting, Shuichi. Although I suppose this whale part is the most implausible part yet.

Next, tiny Kaito decided to conquer the land by entering the jungle.

Kaito:  “I came across something. A giant anaconda that could swallow a man whole!  […] But that was just the beginning… Defeating him opened a gate…”

Aren’t we going to hear about how you defeated the giant anaconda, Kaito? That sounds like a more exciting story to tell than simply the fact that you did defeat it because you’re just that awesome.

Kaito:  “There was a whole civilisation in a giant underground cave! I invaded their empire and made the emperor my sidekick, but…”

Apparently Kaito’s tendency to make literally everyone into his sidekick even extended back to his “heroic adventures” when he was younger. Although given that this emperor was almost certainly imaginary, it seems that back then, his definition of “sidekick” was maybe a bit closer to the normal one. This is probably why he started using that word for the actual people he made into his “sidekicks” later.

Kaito:  “But the time limit came so fast and I had to go back to my gramps’ house.”

Shuichi:  “The time limit?”

Kaito:  “Well, yeah. My summer vacation was over, duh.”

…And there we go: the actually true part. Man, tiny Kaito really knew how to entertain himself during a summer vacation, though.

Kaito:  “Huh? Why I wanna be an astronaut? Was that what we were talking about?”

Shuichi:  “Yes! That’s what we were talking about!”

I love how Kaito got so excited about telling his ridiculous story that he completely forgot the reason he started telling it.

Kaito:  “That’s simple! The universe is the final frontier for me to conquer!”

…I mean, really, Shuichi, you should have been able to figure this out yourself from the story. He conquered the sea and the land, so obviously the next step would be space!

Kaito:  “And it’s sorta cool, isn’t it!? Aren’t astronauts the best!?”

Shuichi:  “…” (So essentially, ‘because it’s cool’ was your reason…)

At first, at least. We’ve heard more from him in other FTEs, including the ones with Kaede, about why he wants to go to space now, which there’s a lot more to than just because space is cool. He probably looked into being an astronaut first because he thought it sounded cool, and then got more serious about it after learning exactly the kinds of things astronauts do that he wanted to be a part of.

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[Next post]

[timelord-winchester-22b]

Big trouble in a small package

Sooo..... I spent a while on this one so I don’t think it’s my best and it doesn’t feel like it has a real ending. But then again I didn’t think Driving Lessons was my best and it appears to be everyone’s favourite sooo.....

This is from the request by anon for 90 “Catch me if you can!” with Eleven in which the Doctor takes the reader on a date for her birthday and she eats something weird and gets turned into a little kid. Well it was something along those lines but not, like, word for word. Anyway, here it be.

Word count: 2476

Allons-y!

(Alphie was kinda cameo-d so I had to put him here. Plus it was the best one of Eleven with a kid I could get)

“Come along, (Y/N)!” The Doctor called excitedly, tugging you along.

“Alright, alright” You laughed. “Geez, it’s my birthday and you’re the hyper one” You shook your head.

“I just want to make it cool for you” He insisted with a pout.

“It will be cool” You assured him. “I know it will be”

“Good, now come on, we’re almost there” The Doctor gave your hand another tug as you reached a rather fancy restaurant. You looked around in awe at the high ceilings that held not lights, but glowing stars and galaxies. It was certainly a different sight to the two suns outside. The place seemed to stretch on for miles and you weren’t fully sure you could see the back. The tables looked to be grown out of the ground the same as the roof supports were. You didn’t even notice the blue-skinned hostess leading you to a table until the Doctor began to lead you along, too caught up in admiring the place. The woman placed the menus down and gave the two of you a smile before leaving you be.

The Doctor pulled your seat out for you and you smiled and blushed slightly as sat down and let him push it in for you. It was only when he sat down across from you did you notice his incredibly smug smile.

“Cool?” He asked coyly. You laughed.

“Yeah, really cool” You agreed, getting a grin from him in return. You browsed your menu for a longer than you’d ever done, asking the Doctor what every item was. He was more than happy to explain, giving recommendations based on what he knew you liked from both Earth and intergalactic foods you’d tried. The meal was rather lovely and you found yourself quite enjoying the strange-looking substance that the Doctor convinced you to order. It was after desert that you began to feel rather strange. Like nothing you’d ever felt before. Like you’d eaten something that had gone bad but accompanied with a vague tingling all over your body.

“Are you alright (Y/N)?” The Doctor asked in a concerned tone, noticing your frown.

“Yeah… just feel a little off” You admitted. “Probably just not used to the food. I’m just gonna go to the bathroom” You told him. He nodded as you stood and headed to the closest bathroom. He waited patiently for five minutes and thirty-four seconds, knowing that human females sometimes took a lot of time in the bathroom. But he’d had so much else ready to show you. It was still your birthday and he had a mental list of things to do for you.

All those things disappeared from his mind though when he heard a scream. The Doctor jumped up immediately and ran towards the source without hesitation. People were standing and looking around all over the room, some also running towards the sound. His hearts skipped a beat when he noticed there was a crowd just outside the women’s bathroom. But the voice was so much younger, it couldn’t have been you… could it? He pushed his way to the front, stopping in shock at the sight he found when he got there.

The scream had come from a little girl who looked maybe four. She had silent tears streaming down her face and looked terrified at the number of adults surrounding her. She babbled something out, seeming to get frustrated as she tried to pronounce her words correctly, but no one understood what she was saying. The Doctor knew in any situation like this you’d be the one trying to get down to the girl’s level and seem less scary so you could ask her what was wrong. But there was no one beside the young girl. In fact, she screamed every time someone came near her. Then there was something else very obviously wrong. The girl wasn’t wearing any clothes, instead being draped in clothes far too big for her. Now the fact that she seemed to have your clothes held tight in her fists didn’t seem like much, until he noticed that the little girl looked just like you.

The child scanned the crowd with a small wail until her eyes landed on the Doctor. The wet (E/C) orbs widened as she found him and she held her hands out to him immediately.

“Dac-tah!” The child squealed, waving her arms around until he moved forward to kneel down in front of the girl.

“(Y/N)?” He asked hesitantly. The child gave a small nod, sniffing away her tears. There was no mistake, this child was you. And she was about to start crying again. The Doctor flailed a moment, unsure what to do in response to the tiny crumpled face and wobbly lip. He decided to pick you up, hoping that you would be calmer if he was closer to you. It seemed to work when adult-you was scared, and the four-year-old you shouldn’t be any different, right? He shushed you softly, bouncing you up and down like he’d done once before with his own children. The crowd was dispersing now, content that he was your caretaker and had found you alright. Though some were still shooting the two of you worried or sympathetic glances.

The Doctor looked down at you as you quietened, sniffing slightly.

“Now what could have caused this?” he wondered out loud. You blinked up at him, tilting your tiny head slightly. He found himself wondering why he’d not thought little you would be so cute. You seemed to realize something and started tugging on his collar, the closest piece of clothing in reach. You were babbling quickly and unintelligibly. He blinked at you, surprised. He could speak baby but this was the part he had trouble with. The point where children stop speaking baby and start speaking unintelligible adult languages.

“I- I don’t…” He shook his head slightly, making you lean forward and rest your head on his shoulder with a sigh, something he knew always meant you were becoming frustrated. You sat up suddenly, seeming to have some kind of idea. You shifted in his arms so he held you higher and managed to reach up to place a tiny hand over his cheek. He realized what you were doing, reading your surface thoughts with a frown until he realized exactly what had happened. The food.

The Doctor’s mind was hard to get into if he didn’t want you in there, and you knew he’d be keeping you out especially in your small form. But that didn’t mean you couldn’t feel his more prominent emotions. So when every thought you could reach darkened with anger you pulled back with a small squeak of surprise, nearly causing him to drop you. He steadied you quickly, keeping you from falling as he sighed.

“Alright, I guess we need to find some way to fix you then” He conceded. You gave a curt nod, babbling something along the lines of ‘you’d better hope so Spaceman’. With that, you let yourself fall forward on the Doctor’s chest with a soft thud and were out like a light. He blinked at you in surprise, knowing immediately you had fallen asleep. He let out a breath of relief, knowing for sure, especially with your personality and what he had heard of child you, that he’d be able to cure you a lot quicker if you were sleeping. Maybe, just maybe, you might sleep the whole time.

If only he could be so lucky.

Turns out, you never slept long. It was only an hour later when you woke up. By then he had managed to get you back to the Tardis and in bed in a modified version of your room. Same walls and bed but it was filled with toys and coloring books instead of your collection of alien artifacts and everything else you owned. He knew you wouldn’t be happy if you got older again and had broken half the things in your room.

The Doctor was in the library trying to figure out what would reverse the process when there was a crash from the other side of the room. He dropped the books in his hands and rasher over to find out what had happened. He frowned slightly when he found a pile of books had fallen off the shelf. He gathered them together and put them all back up on the shelf just as another crash caught his attention further back. He frowned again, quickly finding that another shelf was losing its books. He glanced around, confused until he saw you disappearing around one of the shelves from the corner of his eye.

The Doctor sighed, shaking his head as he moved silently around the other end of the shelf you were hiding behind. You were at the other end of the shelf facing away from him. The tiny pyjamas the Tardis had provided for him to dress you in were (F/C) with the pants dragging around your ankles and the sleeves hanging slightly off your wrists. After a moment you peeked around the corner, glancing around for the Doctor, who you’d thought was still on the other side. You turned back and squealed in surprise to find the man you were looking for right behind you. He kneeled down in front of you and placed both hands over your shoulders so you couldn’t run off just yet.

“I thought you were sleeping” The Doctor chastised gently.

“Sleepin’ is boring!” You told him.

“I’ve been telling you this for years and now you agree with me?” He asked in disbelief.

“Sleepin’ is boring” You repeated with a grin. “Les’ go somewhere cool”

“Afraid we can’t (Y/N)” He told you, hesitating slightly at your sudden pout. He gave no indication it changed anything however, as he knew you’d never let it go if you thought you were close to breaking him in any way. “Not with you as little as you are. You’ll get yourself hurt”

“But Doc-tah I’m bored” You whined, pouting at him once again. He frowned at your sad expression but shook his head again all the same.

“You can’t leave the Tardis” He declared firmly. “But your room is full of toys and I’m sure Sex- uh, the Tardis could put a movie on or something”

“Will you watch a movie with me Doc-tah?” You asked hopefully. The Doctor sighed again.

“(Y/N), I’m trying to work on fixing you right now” He tried to reason. “If you could just…”

“No!” You complained adamantly. “No fix! Watch movie!” The Doctor’s gaze fixed on a spot over your shoulder on the wall, as if he didn’t want to look you in the eye. You grinned, knowing that this was something he tried with grown up you. Whenever you pulled out the puppy-dog eyes he was instantly moments away from cracking and he seemed to think not looking at you would help. It never did. His eyes flickered back to you and you amped up your pleading pout.

“Alright, alright” He sighed, standing. “We’ll watch one movie together, then I’ll get back to work and you can play with something the Tardis can set up for you” You jumped up and down a moment, giggling happily with a few loud ‘yay’s, not missing the Doctor’s fond smile.

“But you gotta catch me first” You decided, running over to where he had his books lain out. He frowned suddenly as he turned to watch you.

“What?” He frowned, looking like he’d just realized you weren’t the angel you could pretend to be.

“You heard me! Catch me if you can!” With that, you turned and took off out the library door and down the hall. The Doctor followed immediately calling after you in fear that you’d get lost. You simply giggled, turning down another hall.

“(Y/N)! Hold on! Ow!”

You paused with a small frown, peeking back around the corner. The Doctor was currently stumbling about with a hand on his head, muttering to himself. You couldn’t help but giggle when you realised what had happened. He ran into the wall again. He turned quickly when he heard you laughing, spotting you just around the corner.

“Ha!” He cried, pointing to you like his finding you was a great accomplishment.

“Doc-tah, you know that wall has always been there. I don’t know why you have so much trouble with it” You told him in your best impression of your sarcastic, adult self. He paused before floundering a bit, eventually settling with glaring at you, which only made you giggle again to annoy him further.

“That’s it, you” He announced, scooping you up. You frowned, swinging your legs out in an effort to be put down. He flailed a moment and you thought he might drop you. On one hand, that was what you wanted, on the other hand, the Doctor was quite tall… You promptly ceased kicking but that threw him off almost as much as before. You grabbed at his jacket securely, huffing in annoyance.

“You’re gonna drop me” You complained.

“I would not” He shot back, staring down at you like he was offended.

“This is why I never let you hold that baby your friend had when we visited last week” You told him.

“Oh stop it” He huffed. “I can’t deal with this when you’re an adult. I don’t need to be sassed by a four-year-old”

“Yes you do” You shot back childishly, poking your tongue out for good measure. He stuck out his tongue back at you before placing you back down. The Doctor had managed to get you into another room that greatly resembled a large theatre room. You gaped at the huge screen a moment before looking back up at him.

“Come on then, movie, then you let me alone to work, deal?” He asked you, taking your hand to sit you down in one of the long rows of seats.

“Deal!” You agreed excitedly, jumping up. “Thank you Doc-tah!” You stood up on your seat to reach him properly as he sat beside you, wrapping small arms around his neck in the biggest hug you could currently manage. He chuckled and patted your back lightly in return.

“Your welcome (Y/N)” He responded as you sat back down. You grinned up at him and he laughed at the tiny curl that fell into your eyes. He’d never much thought about his companions as kids. But he knew he was going to have a good amount of trouble with you before you grew up again. All the same, should be good fun. He wrapped and arm over your small shoulders to pull you to his side as you called out a movie idea to the Tardis and the screen started up. Yeah, this could be fun.

[babyshawwn]

I have a question for you ... why are you promoting an unhealthy relationship. I'm one of your imagines you say that they don't ever get into fights but sometimes a vase can be thrown across the room ... why are you trying to normalize that

This is going to be a rather long answer, just so you are warned lol.

Well, if you ask me I’m not promoting an abusive or violent relationship and I for one know what’s that like since I was abused by my ex-boyfriend. Now this is kind of scary for me to put out there, so I’m hoping no judgment is being thrown at me (considering the hate messages lately) because this is a really sore topic for me and I debated for a while whether or not to let you, but I feel like it needs to be pointed out for me to answer your “question.” But I figured you guys don’t know me in real life and either of you can find me, so no one I know will ever know about it. But I’ve actually been in that situation and I’m still dealing with my wounds from that toxic relationship. 

The story you’re talking about – Bad Temper – is about jealous and the fear of losing someone who you love deeply, because you feel like you’re failing the one you care about. In the story, it takes up topics of letting our anger getting out of control, yes. Does it promote it? No. Does it normalize it? No. It actually assures the reader that it’s not okay to let your temper get the best of you. It’s dealing with someone we all know; we all lose our temper once in a while, we say things we don’t mean, we might even let it get out of hands sometimes and yes, Shawn’s punches a hole in a wall and that’s not okay, but the story states that as well. 

I write about the guilt he feels and that he is actually embarrassed about the way he acted and let his anger and temper get the best of him. I let him realize he did something wrong, which is something an abuser will never do. They will never realize it’s their own fault, when they hurt people. They will never take the blame nor will they take the responsibility for it. They will always blame in on the person being abused, it’s always going to be their fault every single time, which is not the case in this story. Shawn takes fully responsibly for it and acknowledged the fact that he acted wrongly in a heated moment. An abuser would never be able to admit that. They would never be able to even see it like that. 

I write about how he apologizes for getting too worked up and letting it go too far. And I write about how he admits it’s something he has to work on and something he wants to work on and that’s not abnormal. We all know someone who lets their anger gets the best of them – we might even do it ourselves sometimes - it’s a very normal thing to have issues with, but that does not make them a bad person. And the fact that I let the readers know it’s not okay, is not promoting or normalizing violence at all! It’s just like when we write about mental issues, we’re taking in a very sore topic with a lot of buttons we can push, but the fact that we’re letting people know this feeling or this action is not okay, is actually “teaching” people that sometimes we need to realize our problems and sort them out, before we can move forward. And that’s exactly what happens in this story. A mistake being realized is not okay. 

The story is a show of how anger can be an issue when you tend to get jealous and how quickly an argument can escalate, when we’re pushing each other’s buttons and we know we’re doing that exact thing very well. The reader in this story isn’t exactly helping in the situation but mostly, that’s what happens in a heated argument whoever it’s with. We say things that hurts too much, we cross the line, we say things we regret, because we’re worked up and we can’t think clearly. 

It’s showing that we can make a horrible mistake like that, but then realizing we have an issue when it comes to our anger or jealous or whatever might be a trigger to us and admitting that we truly need to work on it, to make sure it doesn’t happen again. 

And that’s exactly what a violent or abusive person would never do. In their sick minds, they’re never doing anything wrong, it’s always the other person’s fault. They’re making excuses for why they are allowed to get violent or abusive over and over again, as if they need to punish them for a behaviour or whatever it might be. They will never own up to their actions and they will never realize the mistakes there are making over and over again. But this story doesn’t go like that. 

And as for throwing things around - I don’t know if you have siblings or not - but when we pissed each other off to the fullest, we threw things at each other or at the floor or whatever and I know for a fact that my friends and their siblings did as well. And it didn’t even have to be throwing a vase; it could have been pulling each other’s hair, smashing your hand into a table or a door and slamming the door behind you. It could have been anything that showed anger and I might as well have put down “door where always slammed roughly” or “he always walked out in anger.” And once again, the story doesn’t state how many times it has happened, so it might just have been one time and it might have been a pillow or a teddy bear or whatever. Now that doesn’t make it alright, but it’s not a rare thing. 

And once again I state, that Shawn in this story realizes this isn’t how it’s supposed to be and that he is going change it. Just as well as the reader, because I explain she loses her temper as well. But this story does not promote violence nor does it normalise it. Obviously, they both become rather heated while arguing and that’s something they need to work on together and they realize that. But getting angry or upset or having a heated argument is not violence and it’s not abnormal. There’s a difference between fighting (though it does get heated) and being violent or abusing someone. We also need to know that all stories can’t be perfect stories about perfect relationships where everything is butterflies and roses and glitter. In real relationships, healthy relationships, we have ups and downs. We love each other, we hate each other. We’re on the same page, we’re in two different books. We agree and we disagree. We fight. We scream at each other. We lose our temper. We get angry. But we love each other and we work it out. And we realize when we’ve crossed the line and then we make sure it doesn’t happen again. And that’s okay. 

Had the story been about how he repeatedly acted like this, punching holes in the walls and getting jealous over every little thing, it would have been something different, but it’s not. It’s one situation that escalades because sadly that happens in life, but not in any point am I making the story about violence or abusive. The reader is not scared, it’s not a normality for her to have Shawn punching the wall, there’s no harming each other or anything like that at all. It’s about a situation that gets out of hand, for the both of them, making them realize this shouldn’t happen ever again. And neither does it. 

And I’d like to make it clear that no one is throwing things at each other, no one is being threating or violent towards each other. No one is grabbing one another, no one is hitting, pushing, holding or anything like that. They’re arguing and they’re screaming like we all can do and when the reader has actually walked away from the situation, that’s when he punches the wall. It’s an outlet for a heated situation – a very stupid outlet – but an outlet. It comes after she turned around and walked away, so there was no intention of harming her nor anyone else. It’s like when you’ve argued with you parents and you slam the door behind you, or when you’ve cried and then punches, throws or hits your pillow in frustration. Or when you throw your phone in anger after that boy fucked you over. It’s all the frustration having to be removed from our body and for sure it wasn’t the right way to do it, but not at any moment in the story is it stated that this happened to harm neither himself or the reader or anyone else.

Since I’ve been abused and I know what it’s like, I would never post something that I thought had any relations to that, ever. I know how deeply it hurts and I know what sort of wounds it leaves your body with and I’m very aware that things concerning these things might be a trigger. Thinking back on it now, maybe I should have put a trigger warning on it, just like I do with mental issues and that’s my mistake. Also, I’m sorry if you feel like it was a trigger for you, but I wanted to let you know, that I’ve been in this position and I do very much take in consideration of what I post and put out on social media, but I just don’t agree that this story has a “bad influence” at all. Nor do I believe it normalises an abusive relationship. If anything, it promotes the fact that if you have anger issues, you need to realize that and work on it, because it can be prevented for sure if you’re aware of your bad temper. 

I know this isn’t going to make you agree with me, but you pointed out your opinion and I thought I would point out mine too. Maybe that way we can see each other’s side of the story. Also, I would actually really have liked to have this debate with you to your actual face. It would have been a better way and I wouldn’t have had to put myself this much out there. But I was completely down for talking about this and that’s why I’m answering even though you’re anon. It’s an important talk to have and I’m just making sure you know, that I’m 100% against violent and abusive relationships, but I just don’t think this story shows one. I hope you have a good day today.  :-)