#i actually would prefer if we referred to them by months more regularly

[kyoshialone]

my hot take of the day is i don’t find it annoying when parents refer to their children’s age in months even after they’re 1+ years old because the first 50 months of life (~4 years) truly do come with marked developments as frequently as every month or more often and it’s important to know that specificity of information in a lot of contexts

[veinsfullofstars]

Okay I've seen it mentioned a couple times now but I gotta ask.....

what's the Library Turtle?

Oh? Would you perhaps be referring to-

-known more colloquially as the Library Turtle? Well, I'm glad you asked!

In the CFAU, it’s a little interstellar lending library that travels all around the local star system, collecting, trading, and sharing a wide assortment of books, magazines, music, and other sources of knowledge and entertainment between the various interplanetary communities. The elderly duo that owns the library have been running it for quite some time, visiting Popstar in particular few times a month. As for the proprietors themselves…

First, we have the lovely Ms. Paige, a tiny owl-like lady with a witchy aesthetic and a grandmotherly disposition, as patient and wise as you’d expect given her librarian title (as long as you don’t damage her books, that is). A former teacher and very well-traveled, she is a wealth of general knowledge and information, always happy to answer questions when she can or, barring that, to find the book that will. (She also has a bit of a weakness for gossip, even if she won’t admit it.) On occasion, she’ll regale the children with a story or two, folktales and epics and even anecdotes from her own travels (though, few tend to believe such fantastical yarns). She’s also rather spry for her age, often seen carrying improbably tall stacks of books without breaking a sweat. She claims it’s because she always remembers to eat her greens, or exercise regularly, or get a good amount of sleep every day. The answer seems to vary each time she’s asked about it.

We also have the illustrious Sir Apple Tortsworth IV, Esq. - or Sir Tort for short - a large tortoise-like creature who co-owns the library with Paige. He is an easygoing old man of few words and fewer hurries, perfectly content to take the twilight years of his life at a leisurely pace (even if others don’t always meet him at his speed). On land, he stands on four sturdy legs, while, in the air, he transforms them into flippers that let him soar with grace and ease, even with the weight of a whole library on his shell (well… some of it, anyway). He’s happy to chat when prompted, his words thoughtful and eloquent, but he generally prefers to sit back and observe while Paige does the talking for them both. She claims that he’s actually quite the chatterbox when he wants to be (and a sassy one at that). Then again, she also claims that he was once a highly-decorated knight. And a certified lawyer. And a four-star chef. He’s yet to confirm or deny any of these claims. Mostly he just smiles and sleepily admires the scenery, humming old songs from his youth.

The kids love when the Library Turtle comes to visit the village, even the ones not so inclined to reading. As interesting as their homeland can be, there's something exciting about learning what goes on in the cosmos beyond. Paige never fails to find something to interest them, even if it's just another one of her famously tall tales. And Sir Tort is more than happy to listen when one of them has news to share or just needs an ear to confide in. And, whenever the kids have questions about anything - their home, the world beyond Popstar, their families and neighbors, even the two of them - Paige and Sir Tort always make time to answer to the best of their abilities.

Sketch started 01/09/25, sketch finished 01/14/25. | Childhood Friends AU Masterpost

[friendofcars]

I've been wondering if you have any thoughts on the line "A sword is never a killer; it is a tool in the killer's hand" but specifically in the context of tdt ch 18 where ronan says it. I thought it could be a reference to ronan's nightmares and night horrors being a tool for his self-destruction, but would love to hear your thoughts!

hi, thank you for this message (and for waiting)! i'm going to try to stay within the context of tdt ch 18 in my actual answer (so this response won't discuss the phrase as it relates to the gray man [and greenmantle, and niall, and so on] and other overarching themes in the series such as tools vs. weapons, magic/love as tools that can be wielded as such, etc.). as you can probably guess, i'll be mentioning suicide, self-harm, and general depressive/self-loathing thoughts and behaviors, though there are no graphic descriptions of injuries.

i definitely agree that the main reference of this phrase is to how ronan’s night horrors act as a means for self-harm: both physically and physiologically; both in the dreamscape and in the waking world. ronan, the killer; the night horrors, tools in his hands he wields against himself. to me, one of the central themes or questions of chapter 18 to the characters (ronan and gansey) is the true nature of ronan’s suicidal thoughts and behaviors. of course, as a reader, being able to interpret all the literal and metaphorical aspects of the text makes my interpretation of ronan’s words and actions different than gansey and ronan’s interpretations. i think the reason for me mentioning this will become clear later.

i’m not sure how prominent a debate over the truth of ronan’s attempt is (or was) amongst trc readers, but i think there are two main possible interpretations (although i think the distinction between the two is not very important in the end, given how metaphors are used in tandem with the mundane in the series). a debate, if one existed, would investigate whether a subconscious urge to harm oneself is equivalent to a realized/intentional one and different thoughts on interpreting certain magic metaphors in trc. i think a distinction between subconscious and conscious suicidality (i.e. decoupling his waking desires from his subconscious impulses and assuming suicide would require conscious intention; assuming that ronan did not kill himself but was rather attacked) is possible and would make more sense in a conversation about lived experiences of real people (dream magic put far aside of course) but in trc, especially in the case of ronan, who regularly manifests aspects of his psyche in other objects and beings, we can take them as more similar or even the same experiences in this very specific case. in other words, i prefer to holistically evaluate ronan’s suicide attempt via night horror as both symbolic and literal given that he is the source from which the horrors are generated and that they have a singular lust for only his blood. in my opinion, this interpretation is more consistent with the symbolism and themes of ronan’s dreams as a larger category, inclusive of the night horrors.

in chapter 18, we learn that ronan has allowed people (including close friends, like gansey) to believe he attempted suicide by mundane means several months prior to avoid disclosing the secret of his dreaming/that his injuries were inflicted by dreamt night horrors. i’ll talk a bit about the implications this revelation has for ronan’s relationships with niall, gansey, and lies/secrets/truths, but first, i’ll emphasize that there is a strongly blurred distinction between killer and tool when said tool springs from the killer’s own mind. i think this opens up an interesting avenue of discussion of a more general philosophy regarding ronan’s dreaming, his responsibility over himself versus his dreams (particularly the living dreams), to what degree would/should it possible to separate his dream’s volitions from his own, and does the answer change for dreams that act as extensions of other aspects of his subconscious, the dreams that materialize his care or love or innocence or fear instead of his self-destructive tendencies, born of grief? and how does this change in situations when ronan is repressed, isolated, confused (e.g. the specific point in ronan’s development currently being discussed)? when ronan has been raised to never disclose his dreaming, cannot choose the content of his dreams, and has not been explicitly taught that he can choose what to bring back? 

in chapter 18, ronan makes this confession to gansey after waking from the mask nightmare, which results in the manifestation of night horrors in addition to the mask bearing adam’s (ronan’s? ronan’s adam’s?) blood. the scene, once gansey finds ronan, starts with his back turned, “wicked” tattoo on display, body tense and guarded. we’re reading from gansey’s pov, so the limited access to ronan’s internal experience adds to the mysterious and tense atmosphere- for a moment, ronan is someone alien, strange, unfamiliar to gansey. crucially, ronan addresses gansey in latin: quemadmodum gladius neminem occidit; occidentis telum est. it feels like an avoidance of the truth, of what he’s about to disclose, given the lack of eye contact and, maybe moreso, gansey’s inferior grasp of latin. when ronan does turn to face gansey, he resurrects their collective memory of a promise: that ronan told gansey ‘it would never happen again.’ gansey interprets, as anyone with his incomplete vantage point would, this as a promise to not attempt suicide again, but ronan clarifies that he has technically broken his word by dreaming more night horrors (as, apparently, the promise was to not let himself get attacked by them again rather than to not attempt suicide again- but as i’ve said, i think the distinction is due to ronan’s a. still-developing sense and command of self, dreaming, subconscious urges, etc. and b. aversion to lying). ronan tells gansey it’s not like that- but it kind of is. perhaps the difference this time is that his manifestation of the night horrors is less steeped in grief at the loss of his father and more characterized by his feelings for adam and difficulty accepting them, but that’s not something prominently explored in this chapter (because of all the repression, of course).

another difference, far more immediately crucial, is that this time, he no longer keeps the dreaming secret, and this evolution from silence to confession saves them both. ronan has gansey to literally help fight his demons (notably, kavinsky has no one, in the end). it is ronan’s choice and ronan’s choice alone to find the will to live, to break down his self-hatred, but it is his relationships that foster an environment in which that’s possible (the most relevant examples to this current topic are gansey helping him kill the night horror in monmouth and adam repairing the ley line during the battle with kavinsky at the end of the book). ronan’s night horrors are killable, defeatable; his suicidality is not perpetual nor insurmountable. kavinsky’s dragon, by comparison, seems invulnerable, or at least exponentially more difficult to kill, especially without the benefit of implicit, durable love on his side. i think it’s also notable that kavinsky knew the truth of ronan’s suicide attempt from the start, but this theoretical and experiential  understanding from another dreamer doesn’t save ronan- ronan has to willingly give up the secret. i think this feature of tdt argues that the truth means a lot less when it is stolen.

to return to niall for a bit, i think the chapter (as well as the one that precedes it, which begins with the proclamation: the mask was his father’s) provides some commentary on the consequences of keeping secrets vs confessing truth. niall commands ronan to never confess about the dreaming, so ronan uses a more literal suicide as a cover story. the secrecy and lie ronan carries on top of the self-destructive tendencies, the self-hatred, etc. are additionally heavy burdens for him to carry. trium @grandfather-clock made this absolutely brilliant observation that i've paraphrased a bit: that this secrecy about dreaming fosters ronan’s sense of shame, which extends to secrets beyond dreaming, and that this shame is a perverting force: it makes niall’s (probably) harmless mask hanging in the barns a legitimate danger in ronan’s dream; it makes adam/ronan's love for him, ronan’s second secret, a monstrous nightmare that reflects ronan’s perception of himself as a shameful, corrupting force. (i will venture so far as to posit that the dark night horrors, ronan's self-hatred, are a perversion of ronan's capacity to love himself and others: the two-headed night horror he can only dream at the end of tdt.)

ronan’s technical betrayal of niall is notable- even though gansey and the others already know about the dreaming; he discloses that dreaming nearly allowed him to kill himself (and being a dreamer likely contributed to his depression in the first place, making the loss of his father and subsequent isolation even more sharply felt). he makes this confession, however guarded, to gansey: someone who so fiercely strives to maintain ronan’s safety. 

but i will confess that even though i have my own interpretation, ronan’s own belief about his suicide attempt is a little slippery to me. I will say that quemadmodum gladius neminem occidit; occidentis telum est. is a seneca quote, and in context, it is referencing other men's arguments and not necessarily the author’s (seneca's) personal beliefs. does ronan agree with the claim, that the guilt lies with killer rather than the means of killing? is he admitting the lie to gansey while also admitting he DID kill himself, just not in the way gansey thought? was the lie about methodology and circumstance rather than true intention and feeling? or is he saying he doesn't believe that a sword is just a tool in the killer's hand, and that the night horrors have motives and thirst for his blood beyond what he feels and wants, and he is using the cover of someone else’s philosophy to make a difficult admission? regardless, even though ronan’s feelings toward the seneca quote are ambiguous to me (and i am quite doubtful that this particular context surrounding the quote was considered when this chapter was written), i think the intention of truth, honesty, and therefore trust constitute the most important part of the chapter, and that ronan does in fact believe what he is saying. 

at the end of the chapter, there’s some established clarity and revelation about ronan and his dreaming/near-death for gansey.. it takes the entirety of the scene in which they fight and kill the night horror for gansey to translate and recognize the quote, and ronan says it again, this time in english, this time with his face visible to gansey:  A sword is never a killer; it is a tool in the killer's hand. it feels like a deeper iteration of the confession. but does ronan believe what he’s saying, and what does it mean to him? i think it’s his way of telling gansey he really was harboring suicidal ideation, even if only in dreams (although his reckless behavior while awake suggests otherwise) and that the confession of the dreamt/magical aspect of the suicide has been made earlier, so he now makes the confession that said dreamt/magical aspect was a sword he forged to only harm himself. gansey doesn’t know this (and wouldn’t, since the night horror even claws him, not ronan during the scuffle, although i think it’s meant to immobilize gansey rather than kill him), but the night horrors only ever want to hurt ronan. they are said to be in love with his blood - a perversion of lynch arrogance! and also a fascinating avenue i’ve yet to explore given the fact that he dreams adam’s (?) blood and the nightmarish form of adam is described as a night horror himself in the previous chapter. 

ronan also repeats the line at the climax of the book (first told to him by cabeswater’s trees in latin, he then repeats it aloud in english). i won’t discuss it much here since you’ve asked about chapter 18 specifically, but i will say the following: the book states that the night horrors were not a weapon ronan could wield; he laments that he cannot control them and that they only want to hurt him. this sort of convolutes the conclusion i made at the end of chapter 18- now it seems like ronan sees a greater distinction between himself and the night horrors, which makes sense, since he is on the cusp of realizing he no longer hates himself, but the declaration that he can’t control them implies that he also had no control over his suicidality, which, now that i’m typing this, does make sense, but doesn’t necessarily lessen the link between his subconscious urges and material outcomes and truth of what happened. i think it’s interesting that ronan does not consider the night horrors weapons because he can’t use them to harm anyone (and this is in the context of not being able to use them in combat against kavinsky). it’s as if he’s robbing himself of personhood by declaring that harming himself with a tool does not make the tool a weapon, and it only would be a weapon if wielded against someone else. much to think about as i oscillate between the chapters. i think there is an obvious gap between ronan as a character and myself as a reader, and this distance is making my observations a bit muddled/subject to change as i re-read the scenes since i am constantly evaluating ronan’s perspective against the broader literary implications of his character.

i’ll sort of summarize all of this by saying i'm of the strong opinion that because ronan's dreams (especially at this point in his development when he has little control over his dreaming and is particularly at the whims/mercy of his subconscious) are not strictly him but are aspects so clearly derived from his own thoughts and feelings and desires and perceptions (the night horrors make ticking noises, maybe like hearts?), he did intentionally kill himself, even if the exact mechanism and thought process was obscured (even from himself) by the magic of it. so perhaps the night horrors are tools of expression (of grief, of self-hatred, of repression, of depression) rather than universal weapons, but become weapons against only ronan in his (the killer’s) hands. what do you think?

[survey--s]

687.

Do you remember much from high school?  I do when prompted but I never think about it otherwise.

Where would you go for the ultimate honeymoon? We went to Scotland for ours which was lovely, but if we had an unlimited budget and no dog, we would have gone to Canada or something similar for a month.

Can you access the roof of the building you live in?  Yeah, the bathroom is in an extension and you can get on the roof there. You can get to the rest with a ladder but it's all sloped so you couldn't do much lol.

Do you know anyone who has a strong accent that is hard to understand?  Hahah, my in-laws fall into that category. They have really strong local accents and at first I couldn't understand a word they said - now it's normal though and I don't struggle at all.

If you had to get a tattoo tomorrow, what would you get? A pawprint or little black cat in memory of Layla.

What was the last podcast you listened to? Do you listen to it regularly?  I think it's called the Missing? I don't really listen to it regularly but they did an episode on Andrew Gosden that I wanted to check out.It was pretty good and I listened to a few more afterwards.

Are you more of an optimist or a pessimist, and why do you think this is?  It really depends on the circumstances.

When was the last time you moved houses?  I moved in with Mike six ? years ago, I think.

Have you ever held a gun? Did you fire it? No.

Do you like simple questions or deep questions that make you think?  It depends on my mood and energy levels, but generally I prefer ones that require more than one word but that aren't too intense.

How long have you been using Bzoink? I've never used it.

When was the last time you threw up? Why were you sick?  A couple of weeks ago. I had an awful bug/virus thing and had to call off work.

Are you on a first-name basis with your boss? (or last boss if unemployed)  I'm my own boss, but I've never worked in a job where I didn't refer to my bosses by their first name.

What brand is your laptop or computer?  Asus.

Would you ever wear a bright orange shirt?  I had to for work once, it was hideous and so unflattering, haha. I'd never wear one voluntarily though!

What was the last thing you wrote in a word document? I have no idea, probably something work-related years ago.

Who do you miss and what do you miss about them?  I don't miss anyone right now.

What were the best and worst costumes you’ve ever worn?  I've never worn costumes for anything that wasn't mandatory.

Do you know anybody who is gay and married?  Yeah, two of my friends got married earlier in the year actually.

What did you last take painkillers for?  Headache.

Are there any hobbies you want to get back into?  Horse riding, but there's nowhere near here that does lessons anymore and I can't really afford it anyway.

Have you ever shared a home with a friend? Yeah, for several years on and off. I now live with my husband.

What’s the craziest or weirdest place you’ve ever slept?  I have no idea. A trampoline, maybe?

What did you have for lunch today and who made it?  It's only 10.20am. I have no idea what I'm having but I'll be making it myself.

Do you believe in anything supernatural like ghosts or ghouls? Nope.

How many hours of sleep did you get last night?  Not enough. It took me ages to get to sleep as I kept coughing and then Mike woke me up at 5am and I couldn't get back to sleep.

Are you allergic to anything? How did you find out?  Yeah, aspirin. It made me vomit. And I can't take codeine either.

What’s your favourite Thai dish?  It's probably not authentic but the Thai place near my parents' house does the most amazing sweet and sour pork with coconut rice.

Do you have any alarms set? What time and what for?  No. Today was a snow day so my alarm was off and I don't know what's happening tomorrow yet as my car is still stuck, lol.

What are you going to do when this survey is over?  Look for another one.

Have you ever been on a date with someone you met online? How was it? Yeah. It went pretty well as we're now married, lol.

What colour is the rug in your living area?  Various shades of red and grey.

Do you call it a couch, sofa, lounge or something else entirely?  Sofa, but when I was growing up it was couch.

Who is your favourite character on Friends?  Chandler. That make me sad now :(

When was the last time you used a pair of headphones and what for?  I don't even know where my headphones are, so I couldn't tell you.

Describe the temperature of the area you’re in right now.  The house is warm but outside there's still loads of snow on the ground and you can barely walk anywhere without skidding.

Who was the last very physically attractive person you saw?  My husband.

Have you ever had teppanyaki?  I have no idea what that is.

How long does it take you to get ready before you go somewhere?  It depends what I'm doing and whether I need to shower etc. or not.

Do you find it difficult to get rid of material possessions?  No.

What sort of games do you like to play? I'm not really a game person.

What was the last candy you ate?  Dairy Milk Fruit and Nut.

Have you ever been hit in the face? What’s the story? Yes. An ex was a violent dickhead.

Do you know anyone who is deaf?  Not fully deaf, but both in-laws have hearing loss and I went to school with someone who was 80% deaf in one ear.

Name one thing on your bucket list.  I don't have one, really.

[system-of-a-feather]

how did you do the wooma art study? whats ur sketch process? im trying to learn how to do art studies next year and urs was rlly rlly rlly good so i wanna know ur process...

*slams through* DID SOMEONE SAY WOOMA ART?!

Ok ok tho like I literally haven't been near the front for like a month or so cause our systems been working on other things and me and the trauma parts related to our trauma tend to 'pause' when were not being actively set off or when we don't have mental capacity to deal with our Stuff but I like popped up like an excited little mole rat cause y e s (and this is not a problem or me being mad, very thankful if anything cause this shit is one of my few dopamine topics and i usually only front for negative shit so WIN)

But thank you on the compliment ^^ I'm the Wooma kiddo in the system cause Wooma's art gives me dopamine and comfort and I just really like it so it means a lot that you liked it.

Our system parts that do art actually have very different processes, but the only parts that do proper studies are Riku and I and even in that we have different approaches so they'll probably reblog and add on their process as well BUT AS FOR ME

A lot of art studies (the Wooma one included) starts with a lot of just looking at the art and multiple examples of it to find some tendencies and similarities. You can do this physically by like drawing notes over some of the art that they've done or just mentally take notes as you look through it. A really good thing Riku and I would talk about when they were helping me figure it out when I doubted art as a hobby was that its really important while doing this to make take note on the things you ESPECIALLY like and find really cool about it because those notes should be mentally starred as inspiration for how you might like to modify your own personal art style

But like a good place to start is to google the style you like or look through their media / portfolio and just spend a good time browsing it and interacting with the source art itself and try to pick apart the question of "How do they do this" which we tend to look at line thickness / quality / brush type, proportions, major shapes and how they represent things (eyes, noses, facial expressions and the individual ratios of them), etc.

I usually don't actually draw over / draw notes directly over since I just like to browse and take mental notes and reference as I go but for the point of this ask Ill do a bit of an example pulled from Wooma's Instagram (I got lazy since I don't usually actually physically do much of this type of studying and got bored)

So

Collect a number of references, I just pulled from instagram thumbnails; then pull out thing that seem unique / stand out to the style to look more closely at

2) Lower the opacity and try to draw over the general base structural shapes and take notes on how things work together and the "steps" done to draw the basic structures

3) Doing the above gives you a general idea on the "rules" that are principle to under lying a style. Cool thing is to then make the layer below invisible so all you have are your notes and you have some general good guide lines to reference for later

Then after you did that you can try to do an emulation / try to do and study a specific one you like so like I did a few but one I think I still remember the specific image I studied from was this one [link]

Which became this one

And from here you just kinda plug the art that you are directly trying to emulate and breakdown free hand to the side / corner to regularly look at and reference how the original artist handled doing one thing and decide how you want to apply that to your own

Follow the notes and "rules" you found below and do it as well

Another note I like to add though is that you should never be afraid to go "I like that but I prefer to do it this way / apply my usual style" cause Wooma tends to use a more pencily thin solid / cleaner line but I just like the brush I used, I like the sketchy messiness and I also like coloring in the way i did which is not Wooma style, but just how I like to do things. The eyes are inspired and studied from wooma particular in size and general shape, but I prefered the more fluid and less clearly parallelogram shape and did that as well + my way of handling hair is not studied off of Wooma but rather inspired by the over exaggerated angular style / expressiveness of Wooma's overall art

They actually tend to do hair a lot more in a - for lack of better words - normal anime style but I was like noooo i like the angularness and "dramatized stylized" proportions and shapes so I was like ok im applying that to the hair even if you dont

Like I really like Wooma's art cause of how expressive it is due to how it breaks a lot of typical proportion rules and uses very sharp and dramatic shapes as a foundation sooo

Oh and regarding sketching, I don't sketch I just immediately draw and start with the foundation shapes and just add it directly over. I might erase a few lines that go over but I dont really have a sketching layer. Sketching would be a thing Riku or rather XIV would probably know how to explain better cause I just don't.

But ANYwAyS we have a movie to watch with fam and all soooooooo Ill have to give up the front but THANK you for the prompt to GO OFF cause it was nice to be back after a month or so to do something so fun and just info dump and sdlafkjlda

Love you anon. Riku will probably add their version of this when they get the down time and energy (if they get the downtime and energy, a lot of what I put here was partially advice they gave me)

Hope this was helpful!

-Lin (I am really ad at shifting over from Rin rip)

[exception-witch-proves-the-rule]

Some Thoughts on Large vs Small Spirit Families

Back in the day I used to see a lot of people claiming that “if you work with a large number of spirits you don’t actually care about them” or “you can’t just collect spirits” or “you shouldn’t have more than x amount” and whatnot. I see less of that nowadays, but that may be due to lessened activity in Witchblr (or just that I’m not digging around as much).

Anyways, here’s my two cents as someone who works with spirits

This is all highly dependent on context and the intent behind said relationships. I don’t think any sort of hard rule of “no more than x spirits” can ever apply unilaterally. But it is very possible to get in over your head with these things, or to be unfair/unintentionally harmful in these types of relationships. Some things to consider:

What kind of beings are you working with? Are these creatures that are 100% fully and totally dependent on you to exist or thrive? The more active a presence you or the spirit need to be in the other’s existence, obviously the fewer beings you should involve yourself with. Don’t wanna spread yourself too thin or accidentally drop your promised obligations.

What is the purpose of this relationship? Is it strictly business – you provide offerings in exchange for magical assistance? Is there a mentor-student dynamic between the two of you? Is it a romantic involvement? Are you just buddies that chill over drinks now and then? Or is this a spirit you just met in passing and don’t currently have any intention of contacting again? Your level of commitment to a spirit is a key factor in how many you should involve yourself with. Make sure there’s fair reciprocation on both sides and that all parties involved feel they are getting what they want out of this relationship.

To put these concepts into practice –

The majority of the beings I work with are living entities from other realms. Essentially, they are communicating with me, astral traveling to me, or using bilocation in the same way that we in this realm would astral travel to other worlds. So that means that most of these beings have other, physical lives to attend to. They might have jobs, family, or other obligations. They also, most importantly, are having their physical needs met in their home realm. I can offer them food, drinks, energy, or other gifts in this realm, but these beings do not require them from me to survive.

So in cases like these, I don’t need to be paying constant attention to each and every being. We check in regularly, much like how you might visit a friend once or twice a month. Sometimes we plan more in-depth activities on a schedule, but that’s on an individual basis. Amongst these beings, there are a small amount that may hang around me much more frequently, but that’s due to a lack of obligations in their home realm.

On the flip side of things, some practitioners may want to only work with one or two beings, but that’s either purely personal preference (nothing wrong with that!) or because their level of involvement with said beings is enough that adding any more to the group would be unfair or would complicate things. Maybe these beings do require daily upkeep in order to thrive, or feel uncomfortable with too many others being around/overcrowded environments. Just like with our physical friends in this world, some may enjoy large chaotic gatherings while others want an intimate get-together and still others may enjoy either depending on context.

It IS important to note that there are people out there who go about all this in a less-that-desirable way. What sort of attitude do they have about their companions? Are they referred to more as a collectible, like a beanie baby? Or are they treated like a living, breathing person with feelings? It’s fairly easy to spot the red flags if you know what to look for. I personally am wary of anyone who talks about their spirit families in a very transient, shallow sort of way, as if they are looking more to show off what wild and unique creatures they have befriended, rather than just talking about these beings like one would tell a story about a friend/coworker/teacher.

Anyhow, this is a little more rambling than I originally intended, but –

TL;DR no one but you can decide how small or large your spirit family “should” be, and as long as everyone involved is benefitting/having their end of any bargain upheld, that’s all that matters. Don’t gatekeep just because someone’s practice is different than yours; if no one is being hurt or unjustly sidelined then it’s not your business. Have fun out there everyone!

[cacoetheswriting]

lonely this christmas

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Warnings: mild mild cursing, mainly just fluff !!! Word Count: 2.9k Summary: Reader admits to Spencer she will be spending the holidays alone but he’s got other plans.

A/N: starting off the month of december with a christmas centred fic!! hope you like it <3

-

Being alone on Christmas wasn’t unfamiliar to Spencer. In fact it was pretty much the opposite. Being alone on Christmas was typical, ordinary. 

The nature of his job being what it was, he usually ended up working over the holidays anyway. Therefore he never made any plans with his mom because most times he just ended up disappointing her. Being alone at Christmas was fine. Being a disappointment however, completely different story.

As years went by Diana stopped noticing his absence. Of course if Spencer was to visit her at the sanitarium over Christmas she would welcome him with open arms, but he never does. He used to feel incredibly guilty about it, but that too passed with time. 

There was no indication that this year would be any different so he kept his schedule clear. However, the twenty-fifth of December approached fast. Very fast. The closer it got the more it was shaping to be the first holiday season, in a long time, the team would get to spend with their families. And even Spencer found himself considering going home to Nevada; seeing his mom. 

A tab of the airline website was constantly open on his desktop. He checked it regularly; hovering over the option to buy a ticket. 

That’s how you caught him one day. 

You observed from your own desk as Spencer leaned back in his chair, one hand still holding the mouse. The wheels inside his brain clearly turning; evaluating all of the options and possible outcomes.

“Hey, doctor.” You called out grabbing his attention. “If you spend any more time thinking about whether you should go home for Christmas, all the good seats will be gone.” 

He chuckled. “I guess you’re right.” “As always.” You shot him a playful wink as he turned to once again look at his screen. 

“There. Bought.” Spencer exclaimed after a brief moment of silence. “My mom will be happy.” “When was the last time you seen her?” You asked curiously. “It has been more than six months at this stage.” He answered while standing up. 

“Coffee?” He gestured to the empty mug on your desk. You nodded. “You read my mind.” 

The two of you walked towards the kitchenette in the office. It was quite late on a Friday night meaning everyone had cleared out for the weekend. Only the usual suspects remained; Spencer and you.

“When was the last time you were home for Christmas?” “Three years ago. How about you?” Spencer asked, tilting his head slightly to look at you. “Oh, I honestly don’t even remember.” You replied shrugging your shoulders.

“So your family must have been happy to hear you were getting the chance this year to spend the holidays with them.” The brunette doctor switched on the coffee machine and leaned against the wall while you elegantly hopped up onto the counter. 

“Actually, I didn't tell them.” 

Spencer furrowed his eyebrows. “How come?” 

He watched intently as you chewed on your bottom lip - a bad habit you failed miserably to break. In that second of silence you wondered whether you should tell him the truth. He was always so open with you, honest. It would only be fair to repay him with the same sincerity. So you took in a quick breath, and exhaled it quietly before looking up to meet his amiable gaze. 

“My mom and I got into this huge fight a couple of weeks ago. She tried to set me up with this guy because in her eyes it’s unacceptable that I’m single. She doesn't think it’s right that my younger sister is getting married next summer and I haven't had one relationship in my life that lasted longer than a month.” A soft sigh escaped you. “I told her to butt out, using much harsher language than that of course.” Your mouth twirled into a smile; trying to make light of this conversation. Being no stranger to your frequent use of profanity Spencer smirked. 

“We haven't spoken since. She hasn't formally invited me over for the holidays which she always does, even if she knows I won’t be able to make it, and whenever I bring it up with my dad or my siblings they change the topic so.” You shrugged once again while nervously dangling your legs. “It’s easier not to go.” 

Spencer nodded slowly, taking in all of the information you just unloaded. Shaking your head you reached over to grab the coffee pot and poured some into your mug. 

“I’m sorry doctor. I didn’t mean to just lay it all on you like that.” 

He stepped towards you. “Don’t be.” Holding his own cup in front of him, he smiled kindly. “Thank you for telling me.” You began to pour the black hot liquid into his mug; a slight shake to your hand. “Thank you for listening.” “Anytime.”

Spencer placed his full cup on the counter beside you and began to rummage through the cupboards in search for sugar. “Y/N I gotta ask, and obviously if you don't want to answer me you don't have to.” He cleared his throat as you took a sip of your bitter black coffee. “Why didn’t you want to go on a date with the man your mom suggested?” 

Once he successfully located the sugar, he straightened his shirt and plopped two cubes into the hot beverage. He offered you one but you shook your head, taking another sip. 

“I get that it’s not really my place but it just seems a small price to pay for being able to spend Christmas with your loved ones.” 

“If you must know doctor, I prefer to meet people through work. Prison systems and such.” You joked, a wide smile gracing your features. Spencer rolled his eyes. “And how is that going for you?” “Surprisingly well. I have a date shortly after we’re back from the Christmas break.” He arched his brow and smiled at you; playing along as you continued. “Solid guy. Only murdered five people.”

You beamed at the brunette doctor who was grinning back. “Maybe I should consider adding prisons to my dating pool.” You let out an over-exaggerated  gasp and placed your free hand over your chest. “Is doctor Spencer Reid really on the market?” 

Spencer shook his head. His light curls bouncing finely, matching his every move. He lowered his lips to the brim of his mug and took a sip of his coffee before focusing on you. “No, but for the right girl I’d consider it.” 

Without thinking you raised your free arm and adjusted his tie. Flattening down the edge of his collar, you could feel his eyes on you. Yet for some reason you were suddenly afraid to look up and meet his gaze. Strange. Or maybe not so strange.

“Lucky girl.” You said in a mere whisper. Letting your hand fall, you stepped off the counter with a light bounce. Spencer cleared his throat and the two of you walked back to your seats. 

The next few hours were spent working in silence. You tried to focus on the mountain of paperwork on your desk, yet instead found yourself glancing at the young doctor every other second - secretly hoping he would also be peeking up at you. And he was. Just not when you were looking at him.

“Y/N if you want you can come with me to Nevada, spend Christmas with me and my mom. ” Spencer proposed out of the blue. He got up out of his chair and grabbed his jacket, slowly putting it on. You smiled at him. “Thank you doctor but I will honestly be okay alone.” Pause. “Plus, I wouldn't want to interfere.” 

He was about to protest, say you wouldn't be interrupting, but he bit his tongue. He didn't want to seem pushy. “If you change your mind, let me know.” He reached for his bag and threw the strap over his head. “Just do it quickly or all the good seats will be gone.” He teased. You giggled. “I’ll be sure to keep that in mind. ” 

The brunette agent hesitated. He swayed on his heel for a moment before approaching your desk. “Can I give you a ride home?” He asked, eyes locking with yours. “There’s still a couple of things I want to get done but thank you for the kind offer.” Spencer nodded. A faint look of disappointment appeared on his face. “Goodnight Y/N.” “Goodnight doctor.” 

Christmas was upon you in the blink of an eye. On the last day before break the team exchanged Secret Santa presents before enjoying a pizza party. This year you had Penelope who squealed over her gift as everyone watched in amusement; you included. Resting against the wall, you observed as the blonde jumped around the room with joy. Her smile made you smile. 

“Good job on Penelope’s gift.” Spencer appeared beside you holding two plastic cups filled to the brim with eggnog. He handed you one before making himself comfortable next to you, his arm pressed gently to yours. “I don’t know what you're talking about doctor.” You responded, tilting your head slightly to look at him. 

“I like your Christmas sweater.” A small smile circled your lips as you reached out to flick the little bell sown onto the top of the Santas hat on his jumper. Spencer chuckled. “Thank you. You know, I really couldn't decide between this or the one with the Home Alone reference.” “Ah, the trusted Merry Christmas Ya Filthy Animal sweater.” “That would be the one, yes.” The two of you beamed at each other. 

“I’m surprised you know what Home Alone is doctor.” You teased, nudging him playfully in the arm. Spencer laughed. “If I’m being honest, I was more intrigued by the booby traps than the plot of the movie.” He retorted as you sipped on the eggnog; slightly rolling your eyes at his response. “Of course you were. Don’t tell me you tested them out too?” 

He averted his gaze without responding, clearly a little embarrassed. “Well...” 

You couldn't help but giggle. Slowly, you leaned in towards him so that your lips were now at his ear. The brunette agent shivered as your hot breath hit his skin, however he didn't move away. 

“Don’t worry doctor, I did too.” You whispered. 

Instantly, he turned to look at you once again. His face was now inches away from yours, and as he stared oddly into your eyes the air caught in your throat. The two of you hovered right there for a moment, not moving and quite soundless, simply feeling each other's presence - as if there was no-one else in the room, no party. 

Eventually you broke the eye contact and took a step to your right, moving away from him. Suddenly feeling timid, you took another sip of your beverage while your free hand ran through your hair. Spencer also looked away. His mind racing a million miles per hour; he should have kissed you, right? No. Not in front of all these people, your colleagues. That would be bad. Unprofessional. Would you have even wanted him to kiss you? Did you like him like that? He hoped you did.

The party soon drew to a close. You were lost in conversation with Emily while Spencer was trying to teach Morgan and Rossi some card tricks. Your gaze kept averting in the direction of the young doctor every once in a while; Emily of course noticed. “Tell me again why you’re not going to Nevada with our resident genius?” A puzzled look now present on your face. “How did you-” 

“Reid told Morgan who told Garcia who told me.” She interrupted. You laughed at the ridiculousness of what she just came out of her mouth. “It’s like I’m in high school all over again.” She laughed under her breath.

There was a brief moment of silence.

“So, why aren’t you going?” Emily pried. A quiet sigh escaped your lips. “Like I told him, I don’t want to interfere.” She rolled her eyes; not buying into your bullshit. “He wouldn't have invited you-” “Fuck, please I don’t want-” She raised her hands in front of her. “Okay, okay. I’m sorry.” 

Glancing at the time, you excused yourself wishing Emily a wonderful and happy Christmas. Quickly and quietly, you headed to your desk and put on your winter coat. As you grabbed your handbag you turned to face the remaining partygoers: “Happy holidays everyone!”. Your eyes briefly locked with Spencers who shot you a shy smile as you mouthed ‘Merry Christmas doctor.’ before hurrying out the door. 

Two days later it was the twenty-fifth of December. You woke up on your couch, having fallen asleep during Christmas movie marathon, to the sound of your phone ringing. 

Yawning, you reached for the device. Spencer. Answering, you pressed it to your ear and croaked; “Hello.”. 

“I hope I didn't wake you.” “You did actually.” You responded yawning once again and gradually scrambling to your feet. You ambled towards the kitchen, straight for the coffee maker. “But I could never be mad at you doctor.” “I’m glad to hear that.” 

There was a short pause.

“How are you?” He asked, his voice kind. “I’m okay, no need to worry about me. Shit-” “Y/N?”

“Sorry. I just realised I’m out of coffee grounds.”

Spencer chuckled on the other line. “It’s not funny doctor. I’ve no coffee and everything is closed because it’s Christmas.” “You could always switch to tea for the day.” Rolling your eyes, you smirked. “Right, because I’m such an avid tea drinker.” 

There was another short pause.

“How was your flight? How’s Nevada? How’s your mom?” You asked changing the topic, making conversation. The young doctor didn't respond. “Hey, are you there?” The line cut-off. Weird.

‘He’ll call back later.’, you thought and headed for your bathroom.

An hour later you were showered and dressed. You switched on the lights on your poorly decorated Christmas tree and were about to make yourself comfortable on the sofa when a knock on the door caught your attention. You scurried over, without looking through the peephole to see who it was, you opened it.

“Spencer.” 

“Merry Christmas Y/N.” 

The brunette doctor smiled as you furrowed your brows. “What are you doing here? I thought you were in Nevada.”

“I was. I got back early this morning.” 

He waited for you to invite him in before shimmying passed. He set down two tote bags on the kitchen counter before turning to look at you once again. Lost for words, you locked the door and approached the young doctor. Slowly you peeked inside the bags. “Supplies.” He simply stated while taking off his coat. 

“You didn’t really think I’d let you spend Christmas alone, did you?” 

Your heart skipped a beat. “You didn't have to do this doctor.” “I know.” He shrugged before reaching into one of the bags and unpacking the items. “I wanted to.” He held up a bag of coffee grounds and you couldn't help but giggle delicately. 

“Thank you.” Your fingers brushed his as you grabbed the bag sending a shiver down your spine. Spencer froze feeling the sensation too. Nervously, he let his hand fall but the half-smile on his face remained. 

“Where did you get this stuff anyway?” You asked as you walked around to the coffee machine. “I packed what I had at home.” Nodding, you began to prepare two cups. As the appliance whirred, you turned in your spot. “What about your mom? Wouldn't she have wanted to spend Christmas Day with you?” 

Spencer continued to unpack the bags, neatly placing each item on the counter in front of him. “We spent all of yesterday together.” Pause. “And besides, she’s the one that urged me to come here.” He peered up at you, resting his palms down on the kitchen counter. The second his hazel eyes locked with yours, the flush of your cheeks turned a slender pink. 

Not really thinking you ushered back towards him. The brunette doctor watched you attentively. Gently, you placed one hand on top of his and gave it a tender squeeze. “Lucky me.” You whispered staring deep into his eyes. 

Spencers smile spread wider in unison with yours. After a few seconds of pure comfortable silence, he cleared his throat. “Do you think your prisoner boyfriend would mind if I asked you out on a date?” A faint giggle escaped your lips as the shade of your jowl turned from pink to bright red. “Even if he does-” You took another step towards Spencer, closing the space between you. “-I think you could handle him.” 

Spencer chuckled. Using his free hand, he placed a loose strand of your hair behind your ear. His thumb stroked your cheek in the process and you angled into his pleasant touch. 

“Thank you for being here.” You muttered, unintentionally chewing on your bottom lip. 

He cupped your face as his gaze moved briefly down to your mouth before once again locking with yours. “Thank you for having me.” His voice soothing, not quite matching the fervour in his eyes. 

In the space of a single heartbeat, he leaned down and his lips crushed against yours passionately. You let go of his hand and placed both your palms on his chest; tugging lightly at his shirt to try and pull him in even closer. Spencer did not waste a second, his now free arm moved elegantly around your waist.

The two of you pulled away breathlessly. He gently pressed his forehead to yours as you smiled. “Merry Christmas doctor.” “Merry Christmas Y/N.”

-

masterlist

[crybabykiko]

I just came across you nsfw with Osamu and I really enjoyed it I was wondering if You could do one for Kita?

Hi love! This is for u 💕 and all the kita fuckers worldwide- myself included bc I’m in love with him now 🥺

NSFW Alphabet - Kita Shinsuke

Nsfw below da cut g

gn!reader focus in this hoe

A/n: ty @honey-makki for being my partner in degeneracy and my wife ilysm bc she can read when I can’t

𝕬 - 𝕬𝖋𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖈𝖆𝖗𝖊

Will feed you a full meal. His way of making sure you’re cared for is keeping you well fed. He will cuddle you and spoon feed you himself if he has to, as long as you eat every single bite. He has a routine for everything, aftercare is no exception. He runs you a bath, then, while you soak, he cooks. Will make sure to throw a hoodie in the dryer before heading to the kitchen so it'll be warm for you post shower. Then he feeds you and holds you, playing with your hair or your hands until you fall asleep.

𝕭 - 𝕭𝖔𝖉𝖞 𝕻𝖆𝖗𝖙

You already know what the fuck is going onnnn! Kita is honestly so well sculpted that it really doesn’t matter but let’s talk about his back/shoulders. He’s so mf broad and it's very sexc of him. He’s also very fond of when you cling onto and scratch it up…. delicious

He loves your hands. He loves to hold them, especially when he’s looking straight into your eyes as he drills the hell out of you- he’ll lift one up and kiss it bc ✨romance✨

𝕮 - 𝕮𝖚𝖒

Oh he’s going to fill you so full of cum that it pours out of your ears. He has a big breeding kink, and huge loads to match. But he’s also very healthy and takes good care of himself so his cum isn’t bad on your tongue on the off chance he hasn’t already cum inside you 600 times prior to finally doing so in your mouth. And he’s going to kiss you after- very sexc of him.

𝕯 - 𝕯𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖞 𝕾𝖊𝖈𝖗𝖊𝖙

Lost his virginity in a barn. Got a tick on his ass of all places. The barn isn’t the secret tho... the tick is.

𝕰 - 𝕰𝖝𝖕𝖊𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖓𝖈𝖊

When you got together- he was definitely a virgin. Had only gone as far as MAYBE second base. But you used that to your advantage, because you’ve essentially built him up and trained him to be PERFECT for you. You also helped him find out what he likes and what makes him feel good too. Sure there was a lil’ corruption involved, but in the end you’re both very happy with your sex life.

𝕱 - 𝕱𝖆𝖛𝖔𝖗𝖎𝖙𝖊 𝕻𝖔𝖘𝖎𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓

Full on mf wrestling mating press. He’s going to have his cock so deep inside of you that if he even pushed a bit more his body is gonna go in too. Then he’ll just live there. He’s fine with that.

𝕲 - 𝕲𝖔𝖔𝖋𝖞

Unintentionally so. Every once in a while, you’ll both giggle or laugh because you have to reposition when you start to cramp up or you accidentally hit him in the face when tying to pull him closer or something. But he’s a firm believer in the whole “if you can’t laugh with the person you’re having sex with you shouldn’t have sex with them” addage, so he’s very grateful for those light moments.

𝕳 - 𝕳𝖆𝖎𝖗

It could definitely be neater. He isn’t abysmal, but he is hairy and could stand to trim a tiiiny bit more often. He’s just very low maintenance down there. As long as it’s clean he's good, which is both true and a decent place to start but pls tell him to get a little off the top of you know what I mean.

𝕴 - 𝕴𝖓𝖙𝖎𝖒𝖆𝖈y

He’s! So! Loving! He’s always going to go the extra mile to make you feel special. He likes to keep things on the softer side I’d say 8/10 times. He prefers to make love instead of just fucking it out- but if you get into an argument or he’s frustrated, he will happily go hard… but still with candles and a massage. Also I said it already but he’s gonna hold your hands while he demolishes you- interlaced fingers and all that cute shit even tho you’re getting railed.

𝕵 - 𝕵𝖆𝖈𝖐 𝕺𝖋𝖋

His grandma is one of those old ladies that’s like “don’t do that you’ll go blind,” so poor baby was a lil pent up before he got older. Now, he still doesn't do it often, but he does it once a month or so as part of his routine. He uses coconut oil because he likes the smell and that it melts easily.

𝕶 - 𝕶𝖎𝖓𝖐

Breeding, listen it’s just embedded in country boys to fuck and fill. He is no exception.

Spanking, moreso as a way to direct you. Moving too much? slap to stay still. Changing positions? Slap to get you moving. Just wants to see you jiggle? Yeah that too. Motivational slaps also come into play when he wants you to know you’re doing a good job.

Auralism, He LOVES to hear you. The sound of your breath, your moans, the way you chant his name when you’re close… he eats that shit up. It feeds his ego and boosts his pride. He also makes a lot of noise himself, mostly really deep moans but there’s a sprinkling of praise throughout too.

𝕷 - 𝕷𝖔𝖈𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓

He needs privacy. So he’s definitely one to want to keep it at home or at least somewhere secluded and away, where he knows only you and him are there and will know about it.

𝕸 - 𝕸𝖔𝖙𝖎𝖛𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓

He doesn’t care how he does it, but his number one priority, is making sure that you cum. Kita is a giver. And he will make sure to give you whatever you want from him.

𝕹 - 𝕹𝖔!

He’s not into SUPER rough stuff. He’s not vanilla, but he is the kind of guy that sees sex as “lovemaking” so he’s not gonna punch you in the face or throw you around like a ragdoll. It’s just not his style. Of course if it's what you want, he will… but never expect him to ever bring it up or do so on his own.

𝕺 - 𝕺𝖗𝖆𝖑

Ok so- he's… teachable. I’m not gonna lie, he would start off as absolute trash. But the good thing about him is how adaptable he is, and how willing he is to learn. You’d have to have him work at it a lot but once he gets good he’s great. He’ll love the feeling of accomplishment he gets from you getting off with only his mouth- it does wonders for his pride.

𝕻 - 𝕻𝖆𝖈𝖊

It’s very even- until he starts to get close. When he’s close he’s going to speed up so much that you have to brace yourself against anything that’ll hold you. He is definitely a headboard grabber too.

𝕼 - 𝕼𝖚𝖎𝖈𝖐𝖎𝖊

He likes to take his time with you. For that reason, he isn’t a huge fan. You would really have to convince him that it's worth it. He doesn’t see the point in instant gratification, and thinks you should be patient. Good things come to those who wait and all that Kita stop being so stoic and rail me at the farmers market challenge

𝕽 - 𝕽𝖎𝖘𝖐

Lmfao you think this mans is really gonna go for a public or semi-public scene? Think again. Now, he’s into sex outdoors sure, but only in your fenced in, enclosed backyard. He’s not letting anyone see you point blank periodt, you’re for his eyes only.

𝕾 - 𝕾𝖙𝖆𝖒𝖎𝖓𝖆

Excellent self control. He can hold off on cumming for as long as you need him to. Usually he’ll tap out himself after you’ve gotten through at least 3 of your own highs- but his record is 6. Has a super long refractory period tho- so he does things this way to make sure you get everything you need in one go.

𝕿 - 𝕿𝖔𝖞

He actually likes using toys on you. He has a bunch of different plugs and vibes that he uses to suit the situation. He prefers to use a hitachi wand on you while he’s fucking you, but all the others he uses for foreplay- or after to keep you full to the brim of his cum.

𝖀 - 𝖀𝖓𝖋𝖆𝖎𝖗

You both tease each other absentmindedly. He doesn’t know why he gets so turned on by you scrubbing the floor on all fours (that’s why), but he does. He also doesn’t understand why you think its hot when he cuts firewood in winter or wipes his forehead with his shirt during the summer. He thinks he’s gross and sweaty- but you can only think of a million other ways to make him sweatier.

𝖁 - 𝖁𝖔𝖑𝖚𝖒𝖊

Listen we stan. He’s not quiet in bed by any means, but he’s not overly loud either. He’s the type who takes deep breaths and then on the exhale let’s out a moan from deep in his chest- you know the one. And he does that shit on purpose. Not really, but he does think of it as his way of letting you know that he feels as good as you feel. Will also 100% hit you with the “is that it baby? Is that the spot?” While you’re practically turning into jello underneath him bc he absolutely knows that’s the spot he just likes to make you say it.

𝖂 - 𝖂𝖎𝖑𝖉𝖈𝖆𝖗𝖉

Wants to recreate the sex scene from tthe notebook with you. He can’t explain why, he just has an unexplainable urge to suck your face off in the rain and then proceed to raw you after peeling all the damp clothes from your body. Please oblige him.

𝖃 - 𝖃-𝕽𝖆𝖞

He’s got the thickness. Not coke Can thickness but like… you remember the Alaskan bull worm from ep of SpongeBob? Well he’s the whole worm, not just the tongue. I’m going to hell for that reference but ya he has a nice dick. The perfect thickness and and I’ll say a pretty good 5.5-6 inches worth. It’s also very veiny on the underside which- yes I love that.

𝖄 - 𝖄𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌

Normal sex drive, since you tend to do it at least 2 times a week. He only seems to get a little needier when you CAN’T have sex regularly- ie, one of you is sick or you’re away from each other. When that happens, he’s a little edgier than usual, can snap sometimes but not often.

𝖅 - 𝖅𝖟𝖟

He’s the type to get a second wind after. He’ll only go to sleep after he makes sure all your aftercare needs are met, and even then, he’s only going to power-nap it for maybe 10mins. He’ll stay still and cuddle you while you sleep, but he’ll most likely watch tv or scroll through his phone while you enjoy his warmth. Every once in awhile he’ll give you a kiss while you stir.

Taglist Starseeds (check ur privacy settings if your url is in bold): @honey-makki @crushzone @yumekosgamblingroom @boujiesav @onesingleravioli @ushijimasfarmhat @trouvelle @nekoma-hoe @right-shoe-jpg @atsumusc0ck @nivky0-0 @animoozies @charmarsmith @tsumue @disasteren @hoe4abbacchio @sillykittt @ukaisbaby

[pucksnsticksnhockeyboys]

green frosting

summary: hockey players aren’t known for their domestic skills, and Nolan isn’t an exception.

word count: 2.7k

note from the writer: day four! enjoy this and the other fics from my Christmas masterlist! tagging @bqstqnbruin​ @broadstbroskis​ @nazkadris​ @laurenairay​ @justjosty​ @sorryjustafangirl​ @tayella13​ @wastedheartcth​ @writinghockey​ / add yourself to my taglist

Each year the Christmas season seemed to arrive sooner and sooner until suddenly halfway through October you were seeing videos of people intricately decorating holiday cookies that you had no hope of recreating. Still, you saved the videos for reference when you finally had a moment to do some Christmas baking.

When Nolan told you he had the night off, you jumped on the chance to have him to yourself and told him to meet you at your apartment. It had been a few days since the last time you had gotten him alone as a result of hockey, and you were excited to have him over.

And for the chance to make some cookies.

When Nolan showed up at your place, expecting a night in with a movie and takeout, he wasn’t expecting you to already have on your coat and a bright smile. He was dressed casually, grey sweats and a dark Flyers hoodie, and hat on his head that did little to hide the length that was his hair. Still, despite the relatively plain outfit, he never failed to make your heart skip a beat.

“Hey, Nols.” You grinned, pushing yourself up onto your tip-toes to press a kiss to his cheek in greeting. If possible, his cheeks flushed a little bit more red than usual, and you couldn’t help but feel a pang of victory in your chest for drawing the reaction out of him.

See, you and Nolan weren’t technically anything more than friends. But you had been towing the line between platonic and romantic for far too long, and it seemed almost inevitable that things were going to tip in the direction you desperately wanted it to soon.

“Hey, where are we going?” He questioned, voice deep and laced with confusion as he watched you lock your apartment door after shutting the door.

“To the store, I figured we could make some Christmas cookies.” You explained, turning to face him with an excited smile. Part of your giddiness was for the cookies, but mostly you were looking forward to having the chance to see just how poor Nolan’s domestic skills were. “Only if you want to, though.”

“Sounds fun.” He said earnestly, slipping his hand in yours and tugging you in the direction of the elevator he had just arrived from before you got the chance to second guess yourself further. And really, he couldn’t say no when you were smiling at him and he was desperate for any chance to spend time with you.

“We’ll see how fun you find it when we actually start baking.” You teased, knocking him with your shoulder and drawing a chuckle out of him. The elevator doors opened, and you pulled him in with you and without a second thought he crowded you against the back wall after hitting the button for the lobby.

“You know, I missed you a lot on this last trip.” He mumbled, his hands coming to settle on your hips as he backed you into the wall of the elevator. It was things like this that told you that you weren’t the only one that saw the trajectory of your relationship heading into something much less platonic.

“You didn’t miss me on the other ones?” You couldn’t help the chirp, but thankfully it did little to discourage him. Instead, his grip tightened and his smile widened just a bit more. You wondered if he was going to do it then, if he was finally going to kiss you and end this months long game of cat and mouse you had been playing.

“I always miss you.” He conceded, but before you could comment further, the elevator doors dinged open to reveal the lobby and you separated, albeit a bit reluctantly. You were still smiling, though, wide and teasingly as you slipped your hand into his and tugged him out of the elevator.

It was easy to find his car parked on the street and when Nolan opened your door for you, you couldn’t do anything to stop the grin that found its way onto your face. The ride to the store was quick and spent mostly in conversation about what the boys had gotten up to on the latest road trip, and before you knew it he was parking in front of the grocery store you regularly visited.

“And I swear Teeks didn’t leave my room until after midnight, I had to kick him out.” Nolan explained, drawing a chuckle out of you at their dynamic. They seemed like polar opposites, Travis was loud and animated while Nolan preferred to keep to himself. Even so, you had cracked his hard exterior and now were so close to getting to his heart, you could tell.

“Sounds like you guys had fun.” You told him with a smile, climbing out of the car after he parked at the nearest grocery store.

“Wish you could’ve been there, though.” He said, and you chuckled at his sappy words and the way he extended his hand out for you to hold as if it was second nature. You gave his hand a quick squeeze, a silent reply that you, too, wished you could have been there.

It wasn’t exactly late at night, but the grocery store was nearly empty, music playing loudly and you couldn’t help the rush of excitement you felt as you remembered your purpose of the trip. Eagerly, you grabbed a basket and pulled Nolan further into the store.

“They’ve been playing this song since November.” Nolan groaned, following after you and letting you take control. It took you a moment to realize what he was talking about, but then you heard the familiar tune of “Sleigh Ride” by The Ronettes playing through the store’s speaker.

“Grinch.” You huffed playfully, knocking your shoulder into his arm and drawing a chuckle out of him. “C’mon, I have most of the stuff we need but I need cookie cutters, food coloring, and confectioners sugar.”

“Confectioners sugar?” He repeated, as if the words were forgein to his ears and he’d never heard of it before. You chuckled at his cluelessness, somehow his complete lack of domestic skills and knowledge endearing to you.

“Powdered sugar, Nols.” You teased, but before he could make a playful commnet back, you were distracted by the display of cookie cutters and other Christmas baking supplies. Nolan let you pick, knowing that whatever you decided he’d go along with—and not just about cookie cutters; you had him wrapped around your finger without even knowing it.

He watched as you absentmindedly hummed along to the Christmas song playing through the store. He wondered how he could have gotten so lucky to be the one you were late night baking with, the one you spent most of your freetime with. He wanted to be yours, he wanted the label and the ability to show you off without fear of you thinking he was overstepping.

Hell, he already thought of you as his girl.

“Anyone home?” Your voice dragged Nolan out of his thoughts, hand waving in front of his face with a playful grin on yours. Your smile widened as he grabbed your hand, threading your fingers together all while rolling his eyes at you. He was suppressing a grin, you could see it in his eyes and the way the corners of his lips twitched so you considered it a win and tugged him in the direction of the rest of the items you needed.

The sugar was an easy find but the food coloring was on the very highest shelf and Nolan would be damned if he passed up the opportunity to tease you. He acted as if he wasn’t going to grab the box for you, arms crossed over his chest and a smug grin on his face as he encouraged you to just grab the box. It was all in good nature and you found yourself giggling through threats until he finally caved and pulled the box down for you.  

His hands barely left you the entire trip, fingers threaded through yours or palms on your waist as he stood behind you at checkout. It was as if he couldn’t help himself, and you didn’t mind one bit. You could get lost in him for hours, so as soon as you settled back into his car for the drive back to your place, you reached over and grabbed his hand, lacing your fingers through his. You spotted the grin on his face, but before you could tease him for it, he pressed a kiss to the back of your hand and set your hands in your lap.

Nolan made sure to grab the bag out of the backseat before you had the chance to, and as you walked into your apartment building, you wondered what you could have possibly done to get lucky enough to have Nolan in your life. He was sweet, funny, and devilishly attractive.

You just wished he’d ask you out, or at the very least kiss you.

“So, where do we start?” Nolan asked after setting the bag on your kitchen counter.

“Grab the bluetooth speaker out of my room, please?” You asked sweetly, moving around your kitchen deftly and pulling out all of the ingredients you’d need to make the standard Christmas sugar cookies. Nolan saluted playfully before slipping out of the room, returning just as you pulled the eggs out of the refrigerator. You handed him your unlocked phone and told him to connect it to the speaker and went to work in grabbing two large bowls and the mixer.

“What playlist?” He asked from his spot leaning against the counter. You turned and grinned at him, taking an extra second to admire how effortlessly attractive he looked while just standing in your kitchen.

“The Christmas one, Nols, we’re making Christmas cookies.” You told him as if it was obvious, a grin on your face that assured him you were just teasing. He rolled his eyes playfully, but otherwise complied and within seconds “Mistletoe and Holly” by Frank Sinatra was playing through the speaker.

“Alright captain, what’s first?” Nolan asked, setting your phone down and stepping towards the counter where you’d set up the ingredients.

“Okay, we need to measure these and put them in this bowl.” You told Nolan, gesturing to the flour, baking powder, salt, and one of the bowls you had gathered. Putting Nolan in charge of the flour with little more than the amount he needed and a threat to not make a mess, you went to work measuring the other ingredients. Unsurprisingly, you finished your tasks before Nolan, and watched with a giggle as he focused intently on getting the exact amount of flour you told him.

The rest of baking went similarly to the start, you told Nolan what to do and he did it with brows furrowed in concentration and a seriousness you hadn’t expected him to have when you asked him to bake with you.

“So now we just wait?” He asked for clarification, looking between you and the sheet of cookies you had just put in the oven.

“Mhm, and when that sheet is done we cut out some more until there’s not enough dough to make more.” You explained to him, leaning against the counter to admire him. There was flour on his sweatshirt and on the brim of his backwards hat from when he adjusted it. You were cleaner, but you were convinced that it was impossible to bake anything and escape without getting some flour on you.

The song switched just as you finished talking, the familiar intro to Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You” filling your kitchen and making a grin appear on your face. Nolan recognized that look, and instantly he was pushing himself up from where he had been leaning against the counter to pull you into his arms and dance dramatically in your kitchen.

He spun you around and you giggled wildly, your moves anything but graceful. He was smiling wide, too, and you decided that it was your favorite sight. The music continued, switching to it’s more upbeat tune and allowing you to dance even goofier, much to Nolan’s delight. You tried to force him to match your energy, but the most you got was a dorky shimmy after you pouted playfully.

“Don’t act like you’re not having fun.” You sighed, breathing a little heavier than you probably should have been after dancing. A mellower song played after Mariah, shifting the mood from goofy and light to a little more serious, though the smile on Nolan’s face helped grow yours.

“I never said I wasn’t having fun, I’d just rather watch you.” He explained, settling his hands on your waist and pulling you closer. Your heart picked up in pace, the look in his eyes one that had you excited, one that had you hoping that maybe he was finally going to kiss you.

“Charmer.” You muttered, if only to fill the silence. Nolan chuckled at that, but he didn’t seem to want to make a comment back, and instead he began leaning his head down, slowly, as if he was giving you a chance to back out. You weren’t going to, not even a little bit, but the very second you tilted your chin up to silently ask for a kiss the alarm on the oven went off, loud enough to have you jolting away from Nolan despite how much you wanted to stay in his arms.

You tried to ignore the way he groaned in defeat as you turned away from him to pull the first sheet of cookies out of the oven. Nolan started on the next batch, rolling out the dough like you had taught him. You had a system going, and soon enough all the cookies were cooled on the counter and there were various bowls with different colored frosting. You had red, white, green, and yellow for the Christmas trees, stars, and candy canes cookies you had cut out.

Unsurprisingly, you were much neater than Nolan, and in no time he had frosting all up and down his shirt. Halfway through carefully frosting a Christmas tree, you turned around to grab your phone and change the song, only to catch Nolan grinning at you.

“You’ve got a little something.” He mumbled, smiling at you gesturing to his cheek. You reached a hand up on your own face, brushing at the area but somehow missing whatever was on his face. Nolan chuckled, stepped forward to help you out. He swiped his thumb across your cheek, and pulled back his hand to show you the green frosting you had been using to decorate the Christmas shaped trees with on his thumb. Parting his lips, he sucked the frosting off with an obnoxious hum, causing you to roll your eyes.

“Are you going to kiss me now?” You asked, voice confident with a teasing lilt and it was all it took for Nolan to duck his head down and connect his lips to yours. It was a long awaited kiss, one that had been built up by months of teasing glances and not-so accidental brushes.

You wanted to thread your fingers into his hair, but your hands were still covered in frosting so instead you gripped his already frosting-stained shirt in a bid to keep him in place. He was cupping your face, holding you just as close and you felt as if you were on cloud nine. He tasted like green frosting, so much so you wondered if he had been sneaking some from the bowl instead of just the small bit he had licked off his thumb.

You weren’t sure who pulled back first, but you were both smiling at each other and it was clear the feelings you had for him were mutual. You pushed yourself up onto your tip-toes to press another quick kiss to his lips before settling back onto your feet.

“The frosting tastes good.” You teased, and somehow Nolan’s cheeks turned rosier.

“Are you sure we have to finish this? I think we should just keep kissing.” He suggested, and though the offer was tempting, you rolled your eyes playfully.

“Cookies first, then we can do your idea.”

[alirhi]

Loki ranting

Okay. I had this thought in my head of like just compiling links of all the Loki shit I've posted/reblogged so far so that when I get into a conversation about the show and how it fucking disgusted me, I can just be like "here. here's this masterlist post, go read all this shit. This is my entire argument, and not only mine, but a lot of stuff posted by people far more intelligent and level-headed and eloquent than I am, whom I happen to agree with." Because the alternative is constantly getting fired up all over again, and that is exhausting.

BUT! I'm stupid and don't know how tumblr works. Apparently I can't just be like "give me all the Loki-tagged shit I've got" I can only search all the Loki-tagged shit on all of tumblr. And I'm not scrolling back through all of my posts. I talk too fucking much for that shit 😂

So, I'll try to remember all of my grievances with how the MCU has treated Loki, and all of the excellent posts made by other, equally upset fans, and put it all together here under this nice, neat little cut for everyone else's sanity and scrolling convenience...

For people who actually read my shit fairly regularly - bless you, you crazy, patient people. I love you! - this is going to be a lot of repetition of shit you've already read. Probably at least twice. I'm passionate and I have a terrible memory lol. Sorry.

Anyway, first, for those who don't know me and haven't been following my explosions of rage for the past couple of months, some quick background: I do not read comic books, so Loki's Marvel comic canon means nothing to me. I know almost nothing about it. The reason I'm so in love with the character in the MCU is because I am an eclectic witch and the deity I've actively loved and worshiped the longest in my life (literally for as long as I can remember) is Loki. So when he was mentioned in The Mask, I squeed. When they named Matt Damon's character after him in Dogma, I cheered.

When Thor came out in 2011, I just about died from happiness. I was hungry for any representation of this underappreciated god, no matter what it was. I didn't even bitch about how underpowered he was, because at least he was there. But I'm getting slightly ahead of myself.

I can hear anyone reading this going "Why Loki? Isn't he, like, evil? Like basically the Norse version of The Devil?" Because I heard all this shit irl all the fucking time. And no. So let me give you a quick rundown of who Loki actually is.

Loki is a Trickster God. He's often referred to as the God of Mischief. He is not and never was evil, simply chaotic and hedonistic. Loki Laufeyjarson was the son of Laufey (that's mama; they changed her to a man for some reason in the movie) and Fárbauti. Right from the start, from his name, we get a sign of how Loki goes against traditional norms of the time, because in Norse culture, families were patrilineal, and surnames were "son/daughter of father" (which would have made him Loki Fárbautitason), not the mother. But Loki's surname is matrilineal. Feminist icon woo! lol

Though he's a Jotunn, Loki is counted among the Gods (Aesir) in Norse tradition. Depending on his mood, he is alternately helpful or disruptive to the other Gods. I'm not gonna sit and teach a whole text class on him lol but I'll use my favorite example of Misunderstood Loki - the conception of Sleipnir!

So, get this shit. This is also part of why I DO NOT follow Odin and never fucking will (a very small part, but still part of the reason). So, the other Norse Gods are petty motherfuckers, and they wanted some shit built but didn't want to pay the dude doing the building. So they were like "okay, if you can get it done in X amount of time, we'll pay you, but if you can't manage it NO MATTER WHAT, this whole thing is free." And they made sure he had NO help, nothing but him, his materials, and his Very Good Horsey. And this guy and his horse were fucking BAMFs. So it was looking like he was definitely gonna get it done in time, and Odin was like "nah, fuck that shit. I'm cheap." and so he sent Loki to distract the work horse. Loki transformed into a mare and lured the horse away, got fucked, got pregnant, gave birth to the 8-legged (for some reason) horse Sleipnir. Odin rides Loki's son into battle. Um. Kay.

So Loki helped Odin be a petty mf, and Odin got himself a new pet out of the deal.

Oh, also, because he's smart af and a shapeshifter and a master magician and genderfluid, Loki "fails" to fit the super fucking toxic and narrow Norse/Aesir view of "a real man". He prefers intelligence and manipulation to solve problems rather than violence, he's not afraid to behave like a clown if it gets shit done, and that grosses the Aesir out, so they constantly ridicule him for being "less than a man".

Loki is the God of the outcast and the misunderstood. The marginalized people from all walks of life. He is the God of the LGBT community. In modern terms, he's pansexual, polyamorous (married to Sigyn and they are deeply in love, but boy gets around and I've never seen any indication that Sigyn gives a shit) and genderfluid.

Okay. Focus, Ali. This is part of why I usually post multiple rants instead of one big long one XD The longer I ramble, the more I get sidetracked and forget the original point.

So. Loki's awesome, and being a Trickster, is powerful as all fucking hell. There's not much he can't do.

And now we come to Thor (the movie, not the deity). Loki's there! 24-year-old Ali is spazzing! All is right with the world!

Oh lord, they've actually done him justice?! Amazing! He's complex and nuanced and emotional, just like the real Loki! I loved this movie. Loved. It. The climactic thing with trying to blow up Jotunheim never really made much sense to me until someone made an excellent point the other day about Loki being raised in a racist society that was racist against his own race, he just didn't know it yet, poor child. Baby Thor was never corrected when he pledged to commit mass genocide, so Baby Loki probably absorbed the lesson then that Jotunns=evil and killing them all will win his father's love. Anyway, 2011 Loki was a beautiful, heartbreaking portrayal of the God I've loved all my life and spent 24 years longing to see depicted on the big screen.

Then The Avengers happened. And I saw another Loki very close to Norse mythology - mainly, how he's treated. In the beginning of the movie, he's sick, exhausted, and in pain. He can hardly stand, he stumbles and needs help when he walks. He was very obviously tortured, and the sickly blue light of the scepter's control is in his eyes. That gets less and less pronounced as the movie goes on, showing Loki working his way free of it, but in the beginning, he's a mess. Because he was tortured and used by Thanos. Marvel directly confirmed this, and that he was under the scepter's/Mind Stone's control. Loki's actions are not his own in The Avengers. He's under both threat and Thanos' direct control. The movie actually shows The Other directly threatening him to keep him on task, because this is not Loki's plan. It is not what he wants. He's being used and villainized... Just like in real life. It hurt to see this done to him, but the accuracy was too beautiful to ignore.

Thor: The Dark World comes out. I've heard people complain that this movie is the weak link in the Thor trilogy. I disagree. I think that's Ragnarok, for a bunch of reasons, but we'll get there. (And for the record, I loved Ragnarok, too. It was a funny movie. Infinity War and the Disney+ series are the only portrayals of Loki in the MCU that I truly fucking hated.) Anyway, good, fun movie. Had its faults, as all movies do, but it still followed Loki's real-life arc in a way. How? By having Loki dragged back to Asgard in chains and imprisoned underground. Again, not super happy that this happened to my love, and having to see it on screen was painful, but at least in the MCU he's not chained to a rock with venom dripping on his face for eternity, so there's that. (poor Sigyn. how tired do her arms get, holding up that bowl? best wife ever, amirite?)

In TDW, we're shown Loki's love for Frigga, who favored him and taught him magic as a child. We see his bravado; his attempts to mask his true feelings, especially grief. We see him slowly coming back to himself after the events of The Avengers, and slowly mending his relationship with his brother. He accepts that Odin will likely never love him, but Thor just might, because they were close when they were young. "I didn't do it for him." No, no my sweet, you did it for your brother, and a little out of guilt for what happened to your mother.

At the end, Loki fakes his death and escapes, taking the throne, and I have mixed feelings about this. Not the writer's choices here; I love that completely! A natural progression in Loki's story. But my joy is tainted by how closely they're following the Eddas now. Because Loki's escape from his prison heralds the beginning of Ragnarok. And Loki will die in Ragnarok. I don't want to see that play out in front of my face. I won't be able to handle the grief (spoiler alert! IW broke me. I almost walked out of the theater. Loki's death was legitimately fucking traumatic for me. I don't even care how pathetic that is. That grief was real, it was intense, and I still shake and cry when I think about it.)

Marvel announces that Thor 3 will be called Ragnarok. The internet treats this as a shocking revelation. I roll my eyes and mumble "duh" to myself and move on XD

Then they say Ragnarok will be a buddy comedy. I throw up a little in my mouth and no longer want to live on this planet. If they're going to make something called Ragnarok, could they at least treat it with even a fraction of the respect they've shown these characters thusfar? Jfc. I mean, I'll see it anyway, because I'm a whore for Tom Hiddleston lol. But come on, people!

I hated that they made Hel the long-lost older sister and Fenrir her fucking pet/attack dog. Those are my favorites of Loki's children! Hel is such an incredible badass that the early Christians named their dimension of eternal torture after her! They were terrified of her, to the point of naming the place that terrified them most after her. That's awesome! And Fenrir's just the best. I love wolves. Those two details, and Odin's retcon of "we're not Gods! ...lol, except your sister. she's totally a Goddess. and def gonna kill literally everything, so... good luck! byyyeeeee" pissed me off royally.

The rest was great. I genuinely liked this movie. Still do. And they finally used The Immigrant Song! That was pretty cool. If they'd thrown in Bring the Hammer Down and Thunderstruck, I might've called this movie perfect. XD

I wasn't totally in love with their portrayal of Loki in Ragnarok. Yes, the falling for 30 minutes line was funny, as was "I have to get off this planet" and "YES! That's how it feels!" And "Get Help" was funny as hell. But also, like... There is no way Loki would have been the dumb one in that first encounter with Hela. Also, he can teleport and project copies of himself and shit, so... He would not have been that desperate to go straight back to Asgard and bring her right along with them. Loki's not stupid. But whatever. Movie's gotta movie.

What I did love was seeing the slow mending of his relationship with Thor continuing, and the badass fighting on the bridge. I also loved that, like Real Loki, Movie Loki helped when help was needed, was quick and clever, and while he was carrying out the main plan, he was also planning ahead and grabbing the Tesseract. Yes, that drew Thanos right to them, but that's a whole other thing. Loki never would have left that thing on Asgard to be destroyed or lost.

And now Infinity War. Hooooly fucking shit. You know what? No. I'm not going into this. He was killed, years of character growth were erased forever, my heart fucking shattered. The end.

Endgame. IW hurt me so bad I didn't see Endgame until this year. I actually watched Civil War first (for context: I had actively avoided all Cap movies until this year because I fucking hate Steve Rogers. I find him insufferable. Did not realize what I was denying myself until I watched CW and finally saw the charms of Bucky. When he appeared in IW, I was so lost. XD I was like "...who dis? Murder Jesus?" also I just... didn't care. I was numb by then from crying through most of the movie over Loki)

So, anyway. Endgame. Loki picks up the Tesseract in alternate 2012, escapes, fans go "yay! he didn't actually die!" I go "yes he fucking did. Five years of his life, gone. Five years of growth and change, erased. Loki is dead. This will not be the same."

I was more right than I could have predicted. Now we come to the point of this rant. Sorry it took so long, but you were warned lol.

The Loki series makes me so angry I actually get sick to my stomach. It was fucking TRASH. When I praised Marvel for following Norse mythology so faithfully earlier? Yeah. I DID NOT MEAN TREAT HIM THE WAY THE OTHER GODS DID. I did not mean paint him as a pitiful clown, a joke, a caricature of who he truly was, with his pain and suffering played for LAUGHS.

This is supposed to be 2012 Loki, newly freed from Thanos' control. The Loki we saw in the beginning of TDW - snarky, exhausted, nihilistic. The Loki who rolled his eyes and said "get on with it" expecting to be killed.

The bumbling clown flipping on a dime from posturing to calling himself weak is not 2012 Loki. That is not ANY Loki. That is Tom Hiddleston in a black wig doing what he's told by a shitty writer who had no fucking idea what he was doing and was salty about his (bad) original script (for something totally fucking unrelated) getting killed.

In Episode 1, Loki is mocked, imprisoned, stripped against his will, tormented, belittled, and given a flippant summary of all the trauma Actual MCU Loki suffered that this one skipped out on, with no context, no acknowledgement of the trauma he's already lived quite fucking recently, and with the narrative twisted to not only erase all the abuse he's suffered, but to make it all his fault. And this is supposed to make him want to help these people?

And worse, IT FUCKING WORKS. WHAT?! I CAN'T- FUCKING WHAT?! Remember when I said LOKI IS NOT FUCKING STUPID?! So why is he STUPID?

Episode 2, he's a child. Mentally, this Loki is a fucking child. Now we've erased all the growth and development of his entire adult life. He's dopey, impatient, impulsive, desperate for a pat on the back and actually shows it. Yes, abused and neglected children crave the positive attention we never received, and we often grow up to be a bit emotionally stunted. But not all of us, and not Loki. Not as we've seen him EVER in the rest of the MCU. Playful and a bit callous at times? Absolutely! But not a big dumb fucking puppy.

Episode 3, a ray of hope, despite Sylvie! (I hate Sylvie) Loki casually admits he's pan/bi; labels never come up, but he admits to being with both men and women! He sings! Not really relevant to whether I approve of his portrayal or not lol but Tom has a beautiful voice, Norwegian ("Asgardian" lol) is a gorgeous, entrancing language, and I could watch that one bit on loop for eternity and never get bored. And then, finally, we see a glimpse - a glimpse - of Loki's power! He stops a falling building and pushes it right back up! Are we finally getting to see what he can really do? Will the next episode bring us Loki in all his glory?

Nope. 4 and 5 we see him mocked and pushed around and utterly irrelevant. Again. We see tiny reflections of what he could maybe theoretically do in other random Loki variants, but the "main" (lawl. main. it was the Sylvie and Mobius show. Loki was never the main anything.) Loki? Nothing. He wears his heart on his sleeve for no reason, bonds with the man who imprisoned, taunted, and gaslit him, is killed, and continues to be a moron and a joke. Always the clown. Always the dumb one. The one with the bad ideas. The inferior Loki.

Don't even get me started on that finale. I can't. This already took so much out of me. Fuck Marvel. Fuck this fucking show. I just... I'm done.

[bukojuiice]

love in the milky way cafe ♡ @bukojuiice's 1.1k followers event!

❝ Love comes while you’re meeting in front of the Milky Way Cafe, drinking tea and iced coffee And listening to the same song every day. ❞

STATUS: [OPEN]

thanks to all of your overwhelming love and support, in a span of 6 months, the magic shop has finally been able to open up it’s next-door coffee shop, the milky way café! thank you for going along this journey with me, it truly means a lot! this is my first time doing a followers event, so, i hope that it’s worth the wait! ily guys! qwq

to participate in it’s opening event, please refer to the café’s policies listed down below!

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ GENERAL RULES

ੈ♡ requests and asks will be open from april 17 to may 5! (dates are subject to change, depending on the amount of requests i get!) from then on, we will no longer be taking any special orders!

ੈ♡ however, results and completed requests will be posted at no estimated date. rest assured, all will be made with love and care and will arrive to you as soon as possible!

ੈ♡ we will not be accepting any orders of lemon or spicy-flavored drinks! (nsfw requests)

ੈ♡ everything under this event will be tagged as #julie @ 1.1k! feel free to block these keywords so you won’t be spammed! (more specifically #julie @ 1.1k match-ups if you don’t want to be spammed with that!)

ੈ♡ requests and orders will only be entertained if sent thru my asks. those sent through messages will not be accepted. feel free to send a request through anon or off anon. however, i do highly suggest if you would send off anon. either is still fine! don’t be pressured love! sending an encouraging or supportive message to go along with it is very much appreciated and would mean a lot to me!  (ꈍᴗꈍ)♡

ੈ♡ refer to the details of the actual event/requests you can make down below! 

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ WHAT DRINK WOULD YOU LIKE TO ORDER? (headcanons/drabbles!)

ੈ♡ feel free to request hcs of up to three characters from either my hero academia (students along with hawks, aizawa, and dabi only) or attack on titan!

ੈ♡ word count of drabbles will vary from 100-600 words. 

ੈ♡ any genre or type of drabble/hc are fine! just as long they do not delve into nsfw or dark themes and topics.

ੈ♡ drabbles and hcs can be written from a gender neutral or a female point of view. 

ੈ♡ please do add details or specifications to your request if you would like to! it would be a huge help!

ੈ♡ if there has been a repeat of the same theme or prompt for the hc or drabble you requested, i will notify you immediately!

ੈ♡ each drabble/hc request will be accompanied with a moodboard made by me!

ੈ♡ one request per person only. please always give chance to others! 

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ WHO WILL YOU MEET AT THE CAFE? (match-ups!)

ੈ♡ one match-up from one chosen fandom per ask/person only! 

ੈ♡  feel free to ask to be matched up to a character from my hero academia, attack on titan, or jujutsu kaisen!

ੈ♡ please specify if you are uncomfortable with any characters from the fandom you chose, i will not be matching you with any of them! please also entail if you would prefer male, female, or gender-neutral characters to be matched up with too!

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[bigskydreaming]

Also if people instinctively reaching for their “its just my interpretation” arguments as a rebuttal to that post about issue #416 could just not, I’d super appreciate it, thaaaaaanks.

See, the problem I have with that is like....no its not. Its really really not. If your fic or your meta is otherwise DIRECTLY referencing specific story beats of that specific ISSUE, like Dick not having talked to Bruce in over a year, or Dick not knowing Jason even existed until he saw it on the news, or Dick leaving Jason his phone number, or anything of the like.....it is not at all unreasonable for me to expect you to acknowledge the story beats of that very same issue that all of those things are written IN RESPONSE TO. 

You can yell at me about how the firing is just a retcon til the cows come home, but y’know what? It was a retcon that was reiterated IN THAT VERY SAME ISSUE. In it, Dick reiterated what the firing looked like from his perspective, how he waited around for two weeks for Bruce to change his mind before packing up and leaving with opportunities for Bruce to say something every step of the way....THAT is the SPECIFIC sequence of events that Dick’s anger about all of this comes from.

So its extremely disingenuous to try and pair that anger with the pre-Crisis ‘better version’ of events where Dick gives up being Robin all on his own and becomes Nightwing while still on good terms with Bruce...because that version of events has its OWN corresponding aftermath that was written in direct response to THOSE character choices. Like the aftermath where right after becoming Nightwing, Dick turns around and offers Robin to Jason himself, as he of course is already well acquainted with Jason by then. See, that’s kinda part of why Dick and Bruce are on such better terms in that version of events. It has a lot to do with Bruce not adopting a whole other son without so much as a phone call to let Dick know his family had expanded.

Now you can mix and match to your heart’s content, that has NEVER been in question. Especially since as so often said, its a fandom past time to take a match to canon and watch it burn. You don’t have to adhere to aaaaaanything you don’t want to.

BUT.

If you want to talk about INTERPRETING the canon? That is subject to a different set of standards. Because you’re acknowledging that the source material exists as a point of RELEVANCE to you.....and the fact is....the source material is the SAME for everyone discussing it. Now, people can and do have different interpretations of that same material, this is obviously true. But ACTUAL. GENUINE. DISCUSSION of it.....requires that all parties at least discuss those interpretations in good faith, and make an honest attempt to address the material as it is.

And that is not what happens in this fandom. Because you damn well KNOW that for all your talk of the firing just being a retcon......its still the specific version of events the “Dick being mad about Bruce giving Robin to Jason” thing is directly meant to reference and BUILD off of. Retcon or not, it is indisputably the FOUNDATION upon which the other character choices of that very same issue are built atop of.

Because there is another version of events, yes. The pre-Crisis version where Dick gives up Robin. But as I said, that version DOES NOT HAVE Dick angry or resentful....because a key component of it is that all three of them, Bruce, Dick and Jason, are already a family in spirit. There’s a true succession of Robin from Dick passing it down to Jason.

And a lot of you guys know this too. Especially the ones most likely to reach for that “let us have our interpretation!” arguments. Because the Dick Grayson corner of fandom has posted about it a LOT. In fact, we kinda churn out a crap ton of content for this fandom. Headcanons, ficlets, informative posts, etc. And there’s a very curious phenomenon that exists.....

Literally anything I or certain other DG fans post that is inclusive of the whole family, or does not reference any specific event that’s infamous within fandom for pitting Dick against another Batfam member in a ‘who was right, discuss” kinda way.....that tends to circulate WIDELY in fandom. We’re talking upwards of a thousand notes, regularly.

In comparison.....the informative posts that are chock full of panels pointing out how canon actually goes in these specific instances.....tend to top out at a couple hundred max. Its pretty much just fellow DG stans who reblog them. Everyone else, despite them going through the same initial routes of circulation....are very good at pretending they don’t see them.

Because see, misinformation - and make no mistake, that is what we’re talking about here - RELIES on a lack of like.....actual information provided to the contrary to thrive. 

For instance, if it were as common knowledge that in the pre-Crisis version of Dick becoming Nightwing, he makes Jason Robin himself, as it is say.....that the firing Dick as Robin story is ‘just a shitty retcon’......people might start to ask in greater numbers, like, okay, so why DON’T more people write Dick making Jason into Robin after giving it up himself? Why have Dick so bitter at Bruce and/or Jason, if in the only version where Dick gives up Robin, Dick passes it on himself? If you’re gonna go with the one, why not the other?

Because we all know damn well that’s not a difference in interpretation. That’s a conscious CHOICE to TRANSFORM the source material by stitching together two different sides of a cause and effect chasm. The events transpiring after Dick finds out Bruce made Jason Robin himself ARE NOT MEANT to reference the inciting event of Dick giving up Robin himself. You can make that happen, sure. But you have to MAKE it happen. There is no point in the comics where you can honestly, genuinely point to the comics and say this right here shows Dick being mad about this, where ‘this’ is Bruce giving Robin to Jason SPECIFICALLY after Dick gave Robin up, rather than being fired.

A choice has to be made there, for that to happen, if one has the ACTUAL information about how that really played out in the comics rather than just misinformation. And not everyone in fandom trusts everyone else to make the choices they would like them to make with the source material, do they?

After all, isn’t that the REAL root of all this?

See.....its no secret to any of us that nobody’s been all that happy with the actual comics aka source material in years. Meaning most of fandom, myself included, is here for meta and fics based on previously written comics, or our own adaptations of the material.

And fandom, being interactive, unlike canon.....is something that CAN be influenced by other fans.

So why don’t we all just stop fucking pretending that we’re not all trying to influence what the overarching fandom narratives are, shall we?

Oh, you can say this is just me projecting, but I’ve got plenty of instances of hypocrisy to point to that say otherwise. And THAT is the true source of my hostility in so many posts in this fandom.

Because its the very same people who loudly cry “let people have their headcanons” and “let people have their interpretations” and “stop trying to tell people there’s only one true version of canon to go off of” who NEVER. EVER. fail to show up on posts like that last one, the SECOND they start to circulate ‘too widely’ throughout fandom. There is ALWAYS someone waiting in the wings the minute a post like that starts to top a couple hundred notes, ready and raring to shoot it down with some kind of derailment or condescending reminders to everyone who might see it that ‘that’s just a bad retcon for people obsessed with misery porn’ or something like that.

And what exactly should we be calling that? When people show up every single time I make a post about the importance of Robin as a name to Dick, in order to make a big stink about how it being his mother’s name for him is just a retcon? Even though....did I say it wasn’t? Does it being a retcon mean it doesn’t exist? Am I not allowed MY interpretation of a story that very much does exist in canon, am I not allowed to reference other stories where that specific retcon is specifically linked to?

Or how about if I say, post a headcanon about Alfred getting snippy with Bruce about not reaching out to Dick after he leaves home, where within the headcanon itself I specifically reference a clear version of the story where Dick is fired and its eighteen months before he and Bruce speak again? Does this story not exist in canon? Am I not allowed to base stuff of it? It would seem not, given the way people jumped to derail that one by adding in additions about Dick being upset with Bruce about college, which is an entirely different continuity that in no way intersects with the specific events I reference, where they’re estranged for a clear reason that is directly raised within the headcanon itself. People even acknowledge “OP is entitled to any version of continuity they want” in that one, but are like....this one is wrong though, and true fans prefer the one that isn’t just misery porn meant to validate Dick’s teenage angst. With people all too happy to reblog that one while gleefully pointing out the tags that completely derail the post about a clear point in canon by making it entirely about another unrelated point in a different continuity in order to invalidate the initial headcanon or whatever.

Don’t even get me started on when we dare reference stories where Bruce is actually physically abusive to Dick, or when we link Dick’s actions in stories that acknowledge the emotional abuse or neglect of certain key moments in his life TO those inciting moments directly and say “hey its kinda shitty to act like Dick was just being a standoffish brat here when Dick’s attitude is actually directly based on the last time he and Bruce interacted being when Bruce told him to get out and leave his keys.” LOLOL nooooo, that’s not allowed to stand, because see, the ONLY possible reason we could have for even CONSIDERING those stories in character or in continuity, is because of the aforementioned addiction to misery porn or else because we’re just trying to smear Bruce to make our own fave look better.

Never mind that another popular refrain for a lot of the people I’m talking about here is “you don’t know what people are thinking or why they like the things that they like” so, y’know. It is a tad irritating to see that double standard applied, like I mean. Just speaking personally, I’m a survivor of childhood physical and sexual abuse with a lifetime’s worth of C-PTSD and permanent estrangement from my abusive family, so like....those stories where Dick is abused by a figure he never thought would hurt him and now has to reconcile that with still loving and admiring that very same person and still wanting to be family.....like, hey guess what, those themes are part of why his character resonates for me in particular and so they’re kiiiiiinda key for me to explore for a lot of reasons. And given that this fandom looooooves to talk about some people writing dark shit to cope, I find it veeeeeery curious that people are so willing to shut the fuck up and say nothing about incest, rape and pedophilia fics even if they don’t like them themselves......but will still come out of the woodwork to condescend about there being absolutely no valid reason for anyone to ever engage with content where Bruce is abusive even just in one singular instance.....nah. Its literally just cuz of the misery porn addiction.

But see.....the thing at the heart of all this is the simple fact that this hypocrisy doesn’t exist just for the sake of hypocrisy. It exists because we actually all DO know how much power and influence fans can have in an interactive environment like fandom.

After all, the entire reason that Dick Grayson fans are so often posting informative panel-filled posts about what ACTUALLY happens in canon stories that are DIRECTLY cited in many meta, fanfics and headcanons, just.....in a totally backwards way that just so happens to fail to mention that its not intended to be an accurate depiction of the canon its definitely mentioning its in reference to....

The entire reason for this is because of how thoroughly fandom has crafted a specific narrative for Dick Grayson’s character that is based PURELY on their own characterization wants and needs and has very little to do with the actual canon of the character.

Its not a coincidence that so many fans just so happen to genuinely, truly believe that Dick was a grade A asshole to Jason while he was Robin, and there’s a wealth of canon out there somewhere to back it up. No, this happened because of fanFIC narratives where this is the case, and these catching on, and being encouraged by the initial writers of this trope and its fans and so on and so forth until it became the overarching fandom narrative and not only didn’t require any canon basis to be so....it barely ALLOWED for any talk of the contrary. Dick Grayson stans had to yell and churn out posts like that last one for YEARS to make a DENT in this fanon conviction, and do NOT even approach me about it being an issue of tone and ‘if we’d only asked politely’ because lol. No. We did. You can find the clear shift in the tone of my posts from when I first re-entered the fandom years ago to when I just got frustrated with the willful avoidance of WHY so many fans like myself are so annoyed by certain fandom convictions......and even then, it was about the hypocrisy. It was about how loudly other people crow about letting them have their headcanons while literally shouting down ANY post we made about wanting space to just have our CANON-canon.

Pro-tip: that thing where if you just ignore someone long enough on a certain point, they’ll inevitably start to get frustrated and then you can point to their tone as being the problem and claim that was the issue all along? Yeah. Its not slick. This fandom didn’t invent it. Its always very transparent, and very obnoxious. 

But the point is.....fandom absolutely has the ability to override canon narratives with their own version that’s then formative for new entrants to the fandom who never even BOTHER with the source material and just are here for the fic. And so its dishonest as FUCK for people to not only MAKE no distinction between what’s genuinely their interpretation of the canon and what’s their transformation of it, with INTENT......but to weaponize fandom’s aversion to content-criticism to shout down even ATTEMPTS to introduce discussion of the actual source material by claiming oh you’re just trying force your preferred narrative on everyone else. Aka that thing THEY’RE actually doing themselves by once attaining a fandom wide narrative they like, maintaining a stranglehold on it and doing their best to dissuade any narratives to the contrary staking a claim alongside that.

Because again, it all comes back to the fic. See, as a Dick Grayson fan, I’ve made no secret of the fact that I turn to fic for what I can’t get from canon...and its frustrating as hell to see writers that loudly talk of being BETTER than canon and “RIP to canon but my Batfam loves each other” in a lot of cases DELIBERATELY make Dick in particular look WORSE.....and then act like they have no idea what we’re talking about when we try and tell fans who take these narratives at face value that uh, they’re lacking some extremely relevant context and nuance. Or in some cases, outright facts.

And I will happily laugh loudly in the face of anyone who tries to claim that they don’t feel similarly about fics that characterize their own faves in ways they don’t like.

Yeah, try telling me that after years of some of you writing fics that specifically exclude all reference to the events of Nightwing #30 when talking about Dick’s death or Spyral.....while still including every in canon instance of people bagging on Dick for what he only did in canon because of Bruce’s abusive writing. There’s kinda a vested interest in keeping fandom relatively free of talk of Nightwing #30 then.....because weirdly, people who write about a DIFFERENT take that’s not hostile to Dick seem to end up putting the blame on Bruce for that situation. Bizarre, I know. People attributing blame to the character who was actually abusive in the canon and being cranky that the victim of said abuse is held up as the sacrificial lamb in everyone else’s fics? Whodathunkit.

(Also a point of irritation - it never had to be just one or the other. This is where the whole ‘maybe its YOU guys who were projecting all along when you said the only reason we could have for talking about Bruce’s abuse was an intent to smear the character’ bit is a thing. See, fun fact: if you were going to ignore an issue or two in order to completely flip the narrative of what really happened with Spyral and dominate the fandom landscape for a couple of years....it never had to be Nightwing #30 that was the ONLY issue you could leave out in order to not make Bruce look like an abusive asshat. Like, there was always another option right there in front of you. You could have instead chosen to also leave out Grayson #12, aka the one where Dick informs everyone else he’s alive.....then you could very easily just sliiiiiide in reference to Bruce and Dick quietly informing the whole family of his status and his mission while insisting on keeping it quiet for his safety. Voila. NOBODY has to be an asshole then, and the whole family gets to be in the know. But see, most people didn’t actually have a problem with someone being an asshole in that story. They just didn’t want it to be Bruce, and didn’t mind it being his actual victim. 

Even though, lol, just another FYI.....abuse victims having things flipped on them so it looks like they’re the true problem and their abusers are completely innocent is a HUGE thing that happens a lot in real life, so FYI about that FYI.....anyone who does say, gravitate towards Dick Grayson specifically because of how he’s impacted or might be impacted by abuse from his father, like.....is proooooobably not going to have a super fun time with diehard commitment to making this particular fictional character the true mastermind of his family’s misery and abusive instead of the abused. Weird huh.)

And round and round it goes. Where it ends, nobody knows.....because it doesn’t. fucking. stop. The number of ways in which fandom has willfully flipped the narrative so that Dick is the aggressor instead of the aggrieved is just absolutely ridiculous. This guy has been punched by every member of his family except Duke and Alfred, and somehow he’s the one characterized as uncomfy to be around because of how volatile he is. This guy is the only one who has actually been KICKED OUT of the manor, and somehow that gets glossed over and considered out of character while he apparently definitely did very much do this exact specific thing to Tim, I hear.

And like broken records, people squawk ‘let us have our interpretations/headcanons/etc’ any time we try and make a stink about how no, actually, that’s NOT HOW IT WENT....and at the EXACT SAME TIME....most of these exact same people show up on every post that uses ACTUAL information to make Bruce or Jason or Tim or whomever look like the actual problem in a story where they were actually problematic, like, the SECOND a post gets popular enough....to derail, to condescend, to shout it down with how its just a retcon or its out of character or its just a bad take or how fans with taste know better than to take it seriously.

And why do you care? Like, if we’re all supposed to just live and let live and everyone’s allowed their own interpretations, why this everpresent need to show up all the time with a superior, patronizing ‘oof, this is just not good’ the second one of YOUR faves is in the hotseat, while condescendingly boxing out any posts informing people of how no, actually, Dick and Kory’s breakup WAS linked to Mirage and Dick and Donna’s infamous fight WASN’T the way its commonly talked about and oh yeah there was brainwashing there too and etc, etc....see, when WE do that, we’re just overacting stans who can’t stand others not liking our fave. Instead of just....trying to correct misinformation so more fans can at least engage with the character from a starting point of zero instead of a negative integer. 

So why this hypocrisy? Oh yeah, because you don’t WANT the misinformation corrected. Because see, when the misinformation IS corrected, fic writers en masse....make different choices. And that’s why ever since more people started picking up the refrain of “well no actually Dick DIDN’T hate Jason, here’s the proof”.....there’s a lot more stories out there where...shockingly....Dick doesn’t hate Jason. Which bizarrely, does not really work well for the people who WANTED Dick to hate Jason and made a point to SHAPE the narrative to make him hate Jason.....because it wasn’t about that just being their interpretation, and it never was. Because the CHOICE to cut out Dick’s ‘justification for feeling slighted’ by being fired as Robin and pair that specifically WITH Dick resenting Jason for Bruce still making him Robin instead of Dick doing it....that has a narrative cause and effect within a lot of the fics that go with this. It gives Jason eternal underdog status that makes it easy to root for him while positioning someone specifically to blame for that underdog status and unfair playing field, and it also keeps focus off Bruce as the cause of any issues between his sons due to choices HE made, thus one singular figure is positioned as the obstacle to family unity....and that figure isn’t Bruce.

And no canon to the contrary will be acknowledged as legitimate.

Convenient huh?

Especially paired with the ‘thou shalt not con crit on another’s fic’ fandom commandment. Because when you can’t complain about any fanfic depictions whatsoever without immediately and inherently being cast as the rabble-rouser by default.....the ability to shape and dominate a specific fandom narrative becomes veeeeery key. After all, another popular fandom phrase is ‘we’re not the DC writers, complain to them about canon.’ But when there’s no canon complaint to be made to DC specifically, because its not canon we’re actually upset about, and we’re not ‘allowed’ to criticize fandom depictions because people are allowed to have their interpretations......all you have to do is stand your ground and insist that the fandom depictions of Dick are nothing BUT ‘interpretations’ and not acknowledge aaaaaaany of the places where you consciously make the decision to transform canon choices and behavior around him.....and voila. You’ve wrapped everything up in a neat little logic trap. Quite the fait accompli. There’s really no way for anyone to say or do anything ABOUT this little situation here without being ‘disruptive,’ ‘divisive’ and ‘having a negative impact on fandom harmony.’

Its just always gonna be a little weird to me, how much your positivity culture looks a lot like plausible deniability culture instead.

But whatever. That’s just a me problem I guess. Definitely not something anyone else in fandom has anything to do with. Just like they have nothing to do with derailments or condescension or counter arguments to so many of the canon-based Dick Grayson posts I make, and this is also all my doing...wait...hang on. I think I got mixed up again somewhere. Dang it.

[chockfullofsecrets]

Critical Role: Unnecessary

(Read on AO3)

Rating: Gen

Summary: The thought stays with her the next time she visits Nicodranas, though, and she determines to make an experiment of it. Maybe without the shoulder bumping - she is here as an emissary, after all.

Allura's new mage friend in Wildemount seems a little lonely and very reckless. She takes it upon herself to investigate.

Wordcount: 2.3k

A/N:  MORE WIZARDS

one more @ticklesofcolor event fill for @ticklishnonsense  - i am starting to think that assigning us each other in this event is taking the shared braincells to a whole new level 😅 Prompt was “Allura, early in her friendship with Yussa, discovers he's very touch-starved and very ticklish, and takes advantage of this.”

---

The first time it happens, Allura is fairly sure that she’s just caused an intercontinental diplomatic incident.

She can hardly fault herself, though. There are certain instincts one develops when one regularly dines with adventurers and has the pleasure of being married to a halfling paladin who takes particular delight in tackling her every so often. Her arms are full of books, newly on loan from the only mage she’s found in Wildemount that doesn’t seem to be completely obsessed with politics, and she needs to bid her new friend farewell somehow. It seems perfectly logical to knock her shoulder lightly against his as she brightly thanks him for the pleasure of their meeting and turns to leave.

Apparently, this is not a logic that Arcanist Errenis shares.

The air itself seems to still as he stares at her. Stares some more. Then reaches up, cautiously, and presses his palm against one silk-covered shoulder as if he’s reaching for some unidentified magical artifact.

Allura winces. She can’t see any of the signifiers of elven disgust that Vex has mentioned to her, being uniquely suited to identify them, but to have such a reaction - “Oh - oh dear, I apologize. A rather uncouth habit I’ve picked up from my wife, I’m afraid.”

And she’s going to have quite a time confessing that particular sidestep to Kima later, but Errenis holds up the same hand to cut her off and lifts his chin, instantly settling into his usual placid composure with enough ease to lull her heartbeat back down to a reasonable rate. “No harm done, Arcanist Vysoren, merely… unnecessary.”

He blinks, slow as melted gold, and frowns lightly at her for a moment before turning away and gesturing sharply for a nearby tea set. “I trust that you can activate the circle yourself?”

She can, as well as take a hint - bemused, she casts without looking and steps backwards into the glowing circle, barely catching a last glimpse of him reaching for his shoulder again.

---

She tells her wife.

“Kima - Kima, darling, I’m glad you think this is funny, but it’s hardly helpful-”

Kima sighs a little, wiping a tear from her eye, and wraps her arms a little more securely around Allura’s waist where they’re lounging together. “Aw, Al, the poor thing’s just lonely! You antisocial wizards and your pretty little towers and your, what was it called? Oh, intellectual property-”

“I am perfectly social,” Allura says, prim, and promptly ruins it when she can’t help smiling at Kima as she laces their fingers together. “I certainly became acquainted quickly with you, didn’t I?”

“Oh?” Kima responds, catching Allura’s other hand in hers. Her eyes brighten in that unique combination of challenge and affection that Allura will never tire of seeing. “Is that how you remember it?”

Allura sniffs. “Well, if you’d like a refresher - mmm-”

And, well, it’s a little hard to remember anything after that.

---

The thought stays with her the next time she visits Nicodranas, though, and she determines to make an experiment of it. Maybe without the shoulder bumping - she is here as an emissary, after all.

Acquiring an adequate sample size becomes. Frustrating. He levitates everything, removing any chance to pat his hand in thanks when he offers her a cup of fragrant cardamom tea or to tap her knee against his as they pass a tome back and forth.

They are making progress, though, equally enthralled by the arcane, and it’s genuine excitement that does it in the end. A particularly difficult passage of an ancient spell untangles under their combined effort, bandying translated syllables back and forth with increasing urgency until they fall into blessed, triumphant silence, and she sweeps over and claps him between the shoulders in celebration. “Wonderful! You know, this might be quite useful for facilitating crop growth in arid land-”

He freezes under her touch in what seems like genuine shock. She pats him again and he lets out a little surprised huff, ears twitching confusedly even as his gaze remains pointed firmly ahead. It’s like blowing dust off a statue that hasn’t been touched for centuries.

Which, considering his introduction - I have been a practitioner of the arcane arts in seclusion for over 200 years, he’d told her, neither proud nor regretful - may be somewhat too close to the truth.

He sways back slightly towards her when she retreats to the other side of the room, shoulders rising and falling at a degree just shy of unpracticed. Interesting.

She does it again, and again, over the next few months - shoulders, back, arms, anywhere suitably innocuous, watching closely for any sign of annoyance. He is, after all, far older than her and perfectly capable of enforcing his own preferences. To say nothing of the way he tilts his head, when he’s deep in thought, in a way that seems so other that such petty mortal things as touch might be of no concern to him at all.

At one point, her hands are full of charcoal as they successfully cast another new spell and all she can do is smile at him. He glances over at her, implacable as always, but there’s a nearly imperceptible tightness as he turns away that she just barely knows him well enough to catch.

The next time, he brusquely commands her to put everything down before he casts. It’s sweet - nearly as sweet as the surprise on his face when she does so and completes the spell before he can.

---

There is, of course, increasingly apparent over time, Yussa’s irrepressible lack of instinct for danger. There have been fires. There have been many frantic castings of Dispel Magic. Allura starts to understand why his faithful goblin manservant is constantly twitching.

Today, she arrives in his study with a tired smile and sore fingers. “Yussa, I’m sorry - I’m afraid that I haven’t got a Dispel in me today, I’ve been Identifying a cache of arcane items all morning.”

“No matter.” Yussa waves off her raised eyebrow with a casual flick of his hand that serves the double purpose of summoning a tea set from thin air. “Tea?”

She accepts the cup. “Are you certain that we shouldn’t wait?”

“Unnecessary. Come.”

His study is as brilliant as always, cramped only in the sense that combined the artifacts lining his walls hold enough arcane power to reduce a rather large portion of the coast to rubble.

She’s a little jealous, honestly.

Yussa plucks a little beaker of gold dust up in one hand and a crisp sheet of paper in the other, beckoning her over with a brusque tilt of his chin that would be highly annoying from anyone else. “Now, there have been whispers of Kryn spies using a spell that renders objects immovable to cover their retreat on multiple occasions. I believe I’ve finally been able to recreate it, to some degree.”

“Oh!” Any lingering exhaustion forgotten, applications are already racing in her mind. “How interesting, please show me!”

He hands over the page and she scans the runes eagerly as he flicks his long sleeves back over his wrists and prepares to cast. “A little gold dust, and - it seems quite inelegant, at the moment, as if they are using some frame we have yet to find reference of, but-”

He gestures towards an empty box on his desk, sending gold dust and bright energy scattering. For a moment, there is only light.

And then, the spell shrinks back onto him, sinking into the fabric of his golden robes. Allura gapes - she has wondered, certainly, but to wear actual gold on a daily basis, especially when casting a spell that has it as a component-

Yussa stands very, very stiffly.

She presses her lips together as tightly as she can to hold back the surprised, giddy laughter brewing in the back of her throat. “You - the components-”

The sleeve of his robe looks slightly duller. The box, on the other hand, sparkles merrily under its powdering of gold dust.

Yussa sighs at her as she fails entirely to contain her amusement. “I seem to recall that you are lacking spell slots at the moment.”

She takes a deep breath, regaining her composure, and shakes her head. “Maybe I can go fetch someone-”

He grimaces instantly. “Absolutely not.”

Both of them spend a fruitless moment tugging at the robes, but it seems that Yussa has indeed managed to create a temporarily immovable object. He sighs again, after a minute, and lets his hands flap loosely against the stiff material. “Well, it’s only meant to last for an hour - I’m sure we have a Teleport spell stored somewhere around here, if you would call Wensforth-”

Allura bristles. “I can’t just leave you like this!”

“An hour passes quickly with meditation-”

“No, no, certainly we can do something.” She steps away and paces around him. “You know, your robes are quite, ah, voluminous - do you think you could squirm out, perhaps?”

Yussa sniffs in clear distaste. “I’m quite sure there’s no need.”

Really, she shouldn’t find his arrogance half as endearing as she does. “Oh come, Arcanist Errenis,” she teases, smiling despite herself, “surely you can do better than that, for a friend.” She crouches in front of him, heedless of her dress trailing onto the floor, and tries to gauge the possibility herself from what she can see through the open front of his robes - his legs, dressed in equally fine trousers, shift indignantly as she does. “Here, just bend your knees a little-”

She prods lightly at the back of one of them, hoping to spur him into action, and Yussa jumps. “Arcanist Vysoren-” he begins, and - there, almost unrecognizable for its novelty, a thread of nervousness creeps into his voice.

Allura tends more towards caution than mischief in most cases - a necessity, with the company she keeps - but she’s already grinning as she leans back a little to catch his eye. “Oh, this will be quite simple after all, I think.”

Yussa’s ears twitch up in clear, startled embarrassment as his legs attempt to press themselves to the back of his robes. “Arcanist Vysoren, I would thank you to - mmM-” She reaches for him again, sending one hand to wriggle behind the vulnerable joint and the other to scratch gently across his kneecap, and watches happily as his entire leg buckles under the attack. “Ah - haaah-”

The tremulous gasp that wrenches from him as she takes hold of his other knee to repeat the process is music to her ears - clearly, what her experiment has been needing all this time is a more direct approach. “This will be a little faster if you help,” she tells him, and crowds her fingertips up into the tender dip of flesh before he has a chance to respond.

“Vysoren-” Yussa tries, as tersely as he can with a frantic whine climbing up behind his words, and promptly cuts himself off as his other knee gives out. His robes are, in fact, made more for their drapery than their fit, and as what could graciously be called standing dissolves into ticklish squirming he’s slowly but surely sliding out of them and onto the floor. “Ihi - I can handle this from here, don’t-”

“Don’t what?” she responds innocently. The bottom of his silken shirt, neatly tucked into his waistband and glimmering even in the dim light, sinks into view. She elects to confirm its luxurious quality by prodding along the softness of his belly until he sputters and curses and drops another few inches, his indoor slippers sliding uselessly against the tiled floor. “You’ll have to offer an alternative solution - we’re a bit limited, at the moment.”

He’s laughing outright now, high and stilted and quite a bit more ticklish than she expected he might be. The way she’s kneading at his sides certainly isn’t helping. “Ahaaaaha - the damned - unnecessary - eheeh! -”

“Unnecessary,” she says, raising her voice enough that he can hopefully hear her through all the layers of fabric he’s trapped in, “would be insisting on testing a spell without taking any of the proper precautions beforehand. This, I fear, is entirely necessary, Yussa.”

And fun, besides, but there’s no need to tell him that. Besides, it seems that he shares the sentiment somewhat - she hasn’t been kicked in the face yet, and he’s hardly trying to get away from her hands, for all his grumbling. She wonders, absently, if he might allow her to do this again, the same way he’s slowly becoming accustomed to her casual friendly overtures.

He’s far too ticklish to let her wonder for long, though - it’s hardly a moment more before he squirms his way entirely free, tumbling nearly into her lap and grabbing desperately at her hands with his own elegant fingers. His face is flushed with laughter, hair falling into his eyes, and he looks like an entirely different person as he flops tiredly away from her and curls up on the floor.

It’s enough to send Allura straight back into her own startled amusement - she reaches for him, unable to help herself, and smooths a hand over his back. “Alright, alright,” she soothes, “you’re free, no harm done-”

Yussa grumbles something under his breath and twists to butt his head up against her hand instead. Allura nearly freezes in shock - and so does he, realizing, eyes wide just under the heel of her palm.

They stare. Yussa’s jaw works for a moment. “Your hand,” he says, glacially slow, “is on my head.”

“You put it there - oh, fuck it,” Allura decides, and leans forwards to drag her friend in a proper hug. “That could have been much worse, you fool. ”

Yussa stiffens and then relaxes all at once into the hug, bonelessly dropping his head onto her shoulder - he’s breathing unevenly, still, the aftereffects of laughter working their way through. “This is unnecessary, too,” he murmurs. “But I offer you my thanks, regardless.”

Chin resting atop his head, Allura smiles and plans a slight revision to her experiment.

[addictedtostorytelling]

Does it bother you that they never mentioned the fact the Grissom and Sara got divorced, then got married again in this revival? Why do you think Sara was so nervous that she lost her ring?

hi, anon!

personally? nope!

i thought for sure they'd mention it in last night's episode—just because the case of the week involved a divorce, and hugo talked about his divorce, and the ring plot lent itself to that particular kind of discussion—and found myself pleasantly surprised when they never brought it up.

i hate the divorce with all the salt that is in me and generally ignore the later seasons of the original series anyway, so i'm more than happy for tptb to basically retcon that storyline out of existence by omission.

for myself, i like to pretend that this reboot takes place in a story world where grissom and sara have been continuously married since 2009, and i'm glad that the writers have essentially enabled me to do so.

in this 'verse, after newlywed sara spent a few months moonlighting on-and-off at the lab during s10 of the original series*, her and grissom's research grant did finally come through, so in reboot episode 01x01 "legacy," when she talks about having to leave the lab to go join her husband in an adventure, that's what she's referring to**. she and grissom have been living on the high seas, doing crazy awesome science together ever since***.

* though, of course, with grissom present in vegas much more regularly than in canon—as in "he's there more often than not; it's just that they also have this other life outside of nevada, and he never comes back to the lab like she does."

** and, yeah, i'm ignoring the "sara was made lab director for three seconds before she quit" stuff from "immortality" just because it never made a hell of a lot of sense to me anyway, and for this timeline, it doesn't fit. we just have to omit a couple of max's lines from the reboot pilot and sara asking nora cross if any of the cases hodges worked during her time in charge were under review in episode 01x04 "long pig," and we're good to go.

*** overall, it's not my preferred way for their story to play out, for sure, but it's better than canon, imo.

so, yeah, for me, i’m perfectly happy never hearing about the divorce in canon again. good riddance, i say.

of course, if you are less of a nose-thumbing narrative snob than i am and you actually don’t mind or even like the divorce/reunion storyline—which, of course, is a perfectly valid thing, never mind my opinions on that arc—then the good news is that it’s also supremely possible to view this story as taking place in a universe where the divorce/reunion actually did happen (also known as “the canon universe of the original show”).

the thing is, it does make sense that even if the divorce was/is indeed a thing, the grissoms still wouldn’t mention it either between themselves or to others—a) because six years on, they’ve probably already said everything they need to say about the subject to each other, and they don’t like bringing it up between them because done is done, and they’re focused on their present and not their past; and, b) because volunteering that they’re divorced and remarried to each other probably doesn’t typically go over well for them with others, as it either leads to uncomfortable questions or unfair assumptions/judgments which they would rather avoid.

how often does one hear a woman say “i got back together with my ex” and respond “oh, yay, girl, good for you! that sounds like a wise choice”? 

that so, it’s really easy to just assume that they don’t talk about that particular era of their history, even though it happened.

i mean, you can definitely even read valences of that experience into this week’s episode, if you’re so inclined.

i.e., you can say that at least part of the reason why sara is so upset about losing her ring is that, particularly in light of what hugo says, she is scared about losing grissom again OR even just that she doesn’t like being without her ring because the last time she was without it for an extended period of time was during the divorce years, and she doesn’t like being reminded.

as for why i think sara was nervous about her ring being lost, i got it covered in this post.

thanks for the question, anon! please feel welcome to send another any time.

[laundryandtaxes]

What type of watch’s do you recommend? I’m a baby bi that’s a tomboy and I want nice watch but I know there’s a certain etiquette when it comes to watches. I like rolexes but that’s waaaaay above my budget, I want a nice watch but something affordable (: thanks in advance! 🥰

Honestly this will depend a lot on your budget and what "affordable" means to you! To me, "affordable" means that I can reasonably expect to be able to save up for an item within several months WITHOUT it impacting my general savings goals. For me, that number means that a watch that costs around $500 is one that I personally consider affordable, but that number may be higher or lower for you.

The first question to ask yourself is whether you prefer an automatic watch, a manual wind watch, or a quartz watch. The watch I wear almost every day is an automatic watch- that means it is wound by the movement of the wearer's wrist in daily life. Automatic watches will have a /relatively/ smooth seconds hand sweep, and really nice automatic watches will have extremely smooth seconds hand sweeps. Even office workers generally move their wrists enough to power an automatic watch. However, if you sit an automatic watch down for longer than what is called its "power reserve," normally between 24 and 48 hours, it will stop, and that means you'll need to reset the watch to wear it again. Here is my Traska Freediver, my daily wear watch. It is an automatic watch, in a dive watch style.

Dive watches are so called because the design was originally made for divers to be able to time how long they'd been under. In the dark, like I imagine it would be 150 meters under the surface of the ocean, dive watches pretty much all have some material applied that makes them glow in the dark so the wearer can measure time under, and can read the time itself. I use my countdown bezel regularly for timing pasta, timing tasks at work, etc.

A manual wind watch is one where the owner needs to manually wind the watch, usually around once a day, to power it. Again, if you do not wind the watch regularly, it will stop. For both automatics and manual winds, this is not a problem and in fact it can be good to give a watch some rest time occasionally. Both automatic and manual wind watches are not 100% accurate- they will have a range of how many seconds they lose or gain in a day. Really well made watches by companies like Omega and Rolex can sometimes run off by as little as a 4 to 6 seconds a day, while cheaper watches may lose or gai. as much as 10 or 20 or in bad cases even a couple of minutes per day.

Quartz watches are powered by a battery. The way they work is, basically, that a quartz vibrates at a particular frequency, which translates into one movement of the seconds hand per second. This is the tick tick tick you're likely familiar with in watches. These watches are inherently more accurate than Rolexes because they are more accurate than any automatic or manual wind watch. You can sit a quartz watch down ans pick it up a week later and it will have kept perfect time. However, the smooth sweep of the seconds hand is usually very expensive to accomplish with a quartz watch. A lot of watch snobs turn their nose up at quartz watches because most mass produced watches today are quartz powered, but the truth is that this was a revolutionary technology at one point that almost killed the luxury watch market because it meant any $10 Casio would inherently keep better time than any automatic Rolex. Now, many luxury watchmakers produce both automatic and quartz watched, including Rolex and Omega. I own several quartz watches, including a Casio Databank and a Timex Q I actually got for free through a butch group on Facebook! The very first watch I ever wore every day, when I was maybe 20 or 21, was a Timex Weekender, and it's what got me into watches. Here is my Databank. It cost me maybe $25 and I can do math with it.

The second question to answer is whether you care about what is often called "heritage" I the watch world. This refers to a company having an extensive and well-repsected history of making competent watches. Companies with undeniable heritage that make affordable watches include Seiko, Hamilton, Bulova, and frankly Casio. There are others, of course, but there are a few to get you started. Traska, the brand that made my watch, is what's called a microbrand- microbrands buy movements (the guts inside the watch) from other companies and most of them create original designs of their own, but they're young companies that don't have 100 years of watchmaking experience.

The third question to answer is whether you're okay with "homages," a euphemistic term for a watch that outright copies another, more famous and usually more expensive watch, sometimes while changing a design and sometimes not. Pagani Design, a company that makes their watches in China to keep costs down but lately has achieved really exceptional metal finishing for the price, pretty much only makes homages, like their recent copy of the Rolex Explorer 2. Ginault is a company that makes higher end Rolex "homages," which in this case we really can pretty much call copies because rumor has it they used to sell counterfeits and then got so good at it that they decided to put their own brand on the package. The Invicta Pro Diver is a Rolex submariner homage, but most owners say theirs is built well and Invicta makes plenty of, most horrible but sometimes classy, original designs as well. A lot of watch snobs will turn their nose up at homages because the watch will lack "heritage," but only you can make the call of how much original design matters to you. If you see anything that says it is Bauhaus inspired, anything with "sub" in the name, anything with all round hour indices except a triangular 12 o clock marker, you're probably looking at an homage.

So once you've got your answer to those questions you can dig into watch models! I'm going to rattle off a bunch of watches around or under $250, because I think spending more than that on a hobby you may not be that into is kind of silly to start. From Seiko, their SKX007 and the smaller SKX013 are undeniably classic, well made, respectable watches. Their SNK809 (these are called references, and they're annoying) is also an undeniably well respected watch that has enough water resistance for fishing on my experience. And while their Seiko 5 Sports line isn't for me, lots of people really enjoy it. You USED to be able to get an SKX007 for around $200- they're discontinued for some reason, which means prices have risen, but sometimes you can still find them around that price. For around the same price, you can generally find a used Hamilton Khaki King or other Khaki model in good condition. You can also go vintage with either brand, but be aware there are loads of fake vintage watches out there, so do your research before purchasing if spending what is, to you, a lot of money. The SNK809 was my first automatic watch, and here's it on my wrist.

You can also find lots of cool vintage automatics and manual winds in this price range, including the Vostok Amphibia. These were Soviet watches designed for divers. The countdown bezels suck ass, but the design is original and cool and the case is actually designed so that it grows more and more waterproof as a diver dives further under the surface of the water. Here's my Amphibia.

If you think quartz will be your thing then you've got loads of options in this price range. Pretty much anything by Timex, including their very cool Timex Q, loads of watches by Casio, lots of Seiko quartz options, etc. In terms of truly iconic affordable quartz watches I think the Mondaine watch whose name I cannot recall, the Casio F91W, and the Casio World Time are all very classic, well respected quartz models.

I know this was a lot, so let me know if you have more specific questions or if certain things really pique your interest more than others!

[stab-the-son-of-a]

Whumpers Only

I wish I could explain how this got away from me but I have no words. Not quite a caretaker, so, sorry anon, but here you go.

CW: Brief drug and alcohol mention

The itemized call history that crossed Detective Vance’s desk is deceptively extensive and several pages thick, despite being only for a few months’ span of time. Forensics still have their hands all over the cell phone itself, and the detective has a few choice words they could say about the forensic team’s work ethic, but they’re not in the practice of layering their insults in honey. Their bread and butter is to to dig and root around for information, like some sort of truffle pig, and their tongue is regularly knotted. The detective finds themself quite defective when it comes to spinning the same pleasant, nuanced banter, certainly not enough to keep up with the man down in forensics with the sugar sweet smile.

So, itemized call list it is. It took the detective an obscene amount of time to cross reference the numbers against every possible database and to confirm the pattern to the suspect's behaviors and narrow down which numbers are legitimate. Most of all, which of these numbers matches the spurious rumor of a hotline.

A ‘whump’ hotline. There are many, many similar mentions in certain circles and apparently coded messages sent through various forms of advertising, and yet, this is the closest Jesse has come to interacting with that sphere. They’re not sure, but they think that might be why they still can’t bring themself to finish dialing.

The information has always been there, readily accessed in the same sort of way drugs and alcohol are accessible - a thinly veiled barrier, a little social based pressure to avoid or partake depending on the circles. For years, Jesse has been a teetotaler and avoided whump content in any respect, and kept that influence from their life.

It’s odd to abandon that part of their life, that internal badge of never having indulged.

It’s for a case, however, so they finally stop their waffling and dial.

Not long after, on the second ring, someone picks up. “Hello and thank you for calling 1-877-WHMP-NOW, the whump specialist hotline.” The person on the other end, an operator of some sort, offers a friendly greeting.

Off balanced by just how cordial the other person sounds, Jesse hesitates a moment to collect themself. They just have to pretend to want to be a whumper. That couldn't be too hard. “Um…” they mumble, then clear their throat. “Um, hi, I... want to learn to whump. My name is-”

“Oh. Excuse me, I’ll have to place you on hold while a representative finishes with another client.”

The cheery hold music is far more underwhelming than anything else and Jesse frowns at the phone, as if it’s the device’s fault, before sighing and settling on their couch, one leg tossed over the arm while they wait.

And wait.

And wait.

Eventually they start mirroring the words of the automated voice recording, interjecting with their own commentary in the brief pauses between statements.

“All our lines are busy at the moment.”

“And here at Whump Corp or whatever these moments last a lifetime,” Jesse snorts as they try yet again to find another position on the couch. Their curly hair serves little by way of cushioning from the carpet as they sit upside down. The phone sits a few inches away from their head, speakerphone enabled, and Jesse crosses their hands over their stomach and their ankles behind the back of the couch.

Undeterred, because of course, the message continues, “Please remain patient. Your time is very important to us. We will be with you momentarily.”

“Momentarily means for a short period,” Jesse corrects under their breath. It’s a small pet peeve, something that normally wouldn’t have drawn their attention either, but as they hear the same spiel for the dozenth time, it’s like getting the last final small pebble thrown in their face- just enough to burst the dam. "Not in a short period of time."

“We are currently experiencing greater than usual call volume. Continue to hold the line, and you will be connected as soon as possible.”

“How many people can there even be calling at 11am on a Tuesday?” Gravity draws Jesse’s blood into their head until the pressure and dizziness build uncomfortably. They roll off the couch and root around in their mini fridge for a drink. At this volume, they can hear the same three bar hold music repeat yet again, despite the distance. Cracking the seal on their iced tea, Jesse settles cross legged beside the cellphone. “Don’t whump on company time, guys, jeez.”

“Just a moment please, the next available team member will be there for you shortly.”

Letting out a drawn out groan, Jesse lies back and stares up at the ceiling. It’s been hours. “Starting to think I’m waiting for the next available team member to be born.”

Click. Jesse bolts upright, fumbling with the phone and nearly yeeting it across the room in their haste.

“All of our employees are currently busy assisting other clients,” the new voice announces. The faint static and electric tone warns Jesse that they’ve simply stumbled into another robot. “Your call and phone number has just been noted and a representative will call you back as soon as possible. We thank you for your understanding.”

“What?” That doesn’t make any sense. Jesse runs a hand through their curls, only to freeze as the line goes dead. “What?! No! I did not just sit through hours of happy fun time hold music just to get hung up on by a robot!”

Except that’s exactly what just happened.

They stare down at their screen in acute betrayal. What now? Try again? Their number is now in a whump call center database of some sort.

-

Half an hour after the call disconnected, Jesse still hasn’t moved from their position. Their mind is a blur as they try to figure out what it is they really ended up doing- if they would have to explain themself and the call to anyone- their family, friends, service provider, work. They don’t even know if anyone will know, let alone if they will care.

The house is absolutely silent, the muted television still playing in the background as they’d forgotten to turn it off or to return the volume.

Silent until the phone rings. Shock and no small amount of recklessness has Jesse answering the unknown number.

“Hello, and thank you for holding!” It’s the operator from before- Jesse recognizes the faint impediment or accent that sharpens the glottal sound of their h’s.

“I wouldn’t call that holding,” Jesse grumbles.

Either not hearing them, or not addressing their commentary, the operator continues, “At this time, I'd like to let you know that this call may be recorded for quality assurance and training purposes. Please answer the following survey questions.”

“I’ve been on hold for hours and you want me to perform a survey? About what? I haven’t even gotten helped!”

“I’m sorry you feel that way, friend. Were you highly satisfied with your service experience?”

Bewildered, Jesse cries, “No!”

“I’m sorry to hear that. Did you receive the result you needed from your service interaction?”

“What interaction?!” Are they in the Twilight Zone? Are they still speaking English? Did they have a stroke and now they’re mumbling incoherently? What sort of madness was this, an elaborate prank?

“Thank you for your response. Did you receive friendly service?”

“I didn’t get any service! Rude would have been preferable!”

“Your feedback has been noted.”

Jesse groans again and scrubs their face.

“Was our service timely and convenient?”

“Not on your life!”

“Thank you for your responses. Now, would you recommend our service to others?”

They can feel their head pulsing and pounding, a twitch behind their temple and their eyebrow jumping, but as soon as they hang up, their blood pressure begins to lower with a rush of relief.

Their iced tea now room temperature and bitter, Jesse takes a few more sips and leans against the couch, resting their neck against the cushion. “What a disaster,” they sigh.

After a few seconds of blissful silence, their phone goes off again. Swiping the decline button with a vicious smirk, they return to enjoying what more of their day they can.

Said enjoyment ends with another call, and another.

“Fine! Hello?”

“I’m sorry, it seems we were disconnected. Please finish providing your feedback so we can improve our services.”

“My feedback is that this was an exercise is madness! You kept me on hold for over two hours, but you’ve repeatedly called me for a stupid survey when before you couldn’t give me the time of day!”

“I’ve very sorry you were not satisfied with the level of response and attentiveness. You are welcome to try calling again tomorrow-”

“Absolutely no-”

“As I was saying, Mx. Vance, you may call the hotline again tomorrow during regular business hours. Thank you for completing the survey and for calling 1-877-WHMP-NOW. Have a whumpderful day!”

“A pun?” Jesse tosses their phone to the couch and storms off to the bathroom to wash the rage and boiling heat from their face. “All that for a stupid pun?!”

-

Over at the call center, Gladys and Fran sit huddled around the phone, Gladys actually sitting on the desk and perched precariously on the edge. The speaker button still flashes from the abrupt disconnection.

“Did you hear them?” Gladys roars with laughter, holding her aching ribs. It took everything in her willpower and then some to keep quiet, both while listening to the detective while they were on hold, but especially while Fran spoke with them. Now free, she lets loose, uncaring of who else hears her. “Oh God, oh man, I’m gonna bust a rib. Babe, you’re the best.”

“I’m actually proud of that pun. Like, really proud.” Fran takes out their pen and quickly scribbles that one down.

“Uhhh, Fran, I’m pretty sure Craig in finance already-”

They raise up one finger imperiously and continue to write. “Let me have my moment, Glady-girl. Just this once.”

Smiling, she rolls her eyes and slides off the desk. “Since you gave me the best lunch break surprise ever, want to head down to the cafe?”

Fran takes a final quick look at their work space, how messy and disorganized it is now that it’s no longer Gladys’s chair, considers the amount of time left in their shift and how long this high of a well played prank might last, and wheels back from their desk. “Lead the way!”

“Oh, no, you’re my hero,” she insists, dramatically bowing to allow them to go ahead of her. The angle is perfect for a quick peck on the cheek before they make their way down the corridors.