#i actually wish i had seen the jumpscares better. i want to see it again and look

[parme-san]

i brought spongeplush with me to fnaf and i just realized the way i was holding him up at the scary parts was like a crucifix

[definesanity]

Bite Me (Taken Literally)

'What the fuck?'

Uzi had no filter, and never had. She forgot to install that update. But thank Robo-God she did.

Because she was dumbfounded.

She was the weird kid, the one who nobody liked; heck, she's pretty sure half her class doesn't even know she exists, let alone knows her name.

Which was why she was befuddled at a letter in her locker, asking her to visit a certain location.

Uzi had common sense, despite what many say. And so she used it. And deicided to always have her flight reflexes ready, no matter what happens.

Arriving, there was... nothing. Of note. It was just a regular cabin, much smaller than the ones in camp she's been wanting to visit.

She then heard... something. A noise would describe it, given she couldn't pinpoint it. And it came from a bed. Because of course there's a bed. Why wouldn't there be a bed?

Uzi slowly walked up the bed, thinking on what she'll find; maybe a dead Drone? A human? Heck, anything will do...

Pulling it back... to nothing. Just a bed.

"Huh. Maybe I am a bit paranoid..." she muttered to herself, and turned around to face the most horrific thing she's ever seen.

"JUMPSCARE." the thing wearing the skin ('Holy shit it's a human girl fused with a Disassembley Drone?!') announced, as it tackled Uzi on to the bed, arms pinned via weird tendrils.

The girl gazed down at her, her tongue hanging out of her mouth as two golden Xs shown amid the dark void of where eyes should be. "SMUG LAUGH. SLOW REACTION TIME THERE, BUDDY."

"Screw you!" Uzi attempted to kick the girl, but her legs were pinned down. The girl crawled on to her.

And without warning, bit her neck like a vampire.

Code flew past her eyes at a speed she couldn't understand, and then, it was gone. Leaving only Uzi and the girl.

"Who the hell are you?!" the self-proclaimed angsty teen demanded, with the Disassembley Drone/Human thing looking back. Being honest, she felt braver than she should be.

"MM. I AM THE SOLVER O-O-OF THE ABSOLUTE FABRIC. THE VESSEL IS TESSA. SHE WAS A GOOD FRIEND, UNTIL. WHIMSICAL SIGH. SHE DIDN'T HAVE TO SEE IT, BUT, WELL. HERE WE ARE."

"You killed a child?!" Uzi shook her head, looking at Tessa. "Okay, sure, yeah, but still, really?! ...Wait, you're the thing that was--hold on, what the heck did you inject me with?!"

Tessa only giggled, as the tendrils went from Uzi's arms and legs and allowed Uzi to move.

"YOU WILL SEE, SOON. EVIL, LAUGHTER."

And then, she was gone.

"What the fuck?"

---------------------

"Sheesh, who looked at you wrong today?" V commented later on, as Uzi sat on the ship's chair looking sullen.

"Bite me." Uzi shot back, doing her hardest to sketch the thing. She also did eleven different scans of her software and hardware, and even her circuitry, but couldn't find anything amiss.

"Rude." V leaned back in her chair, looking around. "Where's N?"

"You tell me." she had started to draw the thing's ribbon, next, being done with the head.

"Hunting, then. I feel sorry for the guy, doesn't know what he's missing."

"Missing what, having to listen to you?" Uzi had started to draw the Xs.

"Chatting with you."

The Worker Drone stopped. She blinked, looking at V. "Say what."

"Exactly! For a Worker Drone, anyways, you're actually interesting. Not every day that happens. Or ever."

Uzi replied by not replying, going back to drawing.

"What are you even doing?"

"Got attacked, drawing the attacker, if the court was still here that would be wonderful."

"Really? Court?"

"Hey, before you lot came we had a civilization; never saw it myself, but some of my Dad's friends talked about how one of them tried to win a divorce case. It was really boring, the way he told it, but I was a kid who had nothing better to so than look through the Internet, so I listened for the full three hours.

"What what did I get? A headache, someone's life story, and wishing we could have court again so I could disown my dad." Uzi finished her story with a loud sigh, opening her eyes.

V was looking at her with muted surprise. "...Got any other stories?"

"Wha--You're interested?"

"Hey, anything is better than sitting on my ass doing nothing. Speaking of, did you know that--?"

"--There is a setting that makes our bodies more human? Yes, I do, and I shudder to imagine what was going through their minds while making us."

She finally finished putting the last details on the sketch. "Okay, finally done. If you see this girl, tell I don't exist."

She presented the drawing to V, who blinked at it, and an emotion flew past her face. Then, it was gone, and V nodded. "Eh, fine. Anyways, stories, please."

"Ugh, fine. What do you want."

"Ever killed someone?"

"No, but I have committed several acts of violence against my classmates."

"Kinda hot." V said it with such a straight face Uzi had to pause. Then, what she said hit her.

"...I'm gonna... get some fresh air." Uzi started to get up and move towards the hatch, but a hand grabbed her arm.

"What, sick of lil' ol' me?"

Uzi just rolled her eyes (as best as she could, anyways) and left.

None saw the code flashing by V's visor, or how V's eyes softened looking at Uzi.

-------------------------------------

Lunch time arrived, and Uzi sat by herself. Not solely because she was a loner (that was one half of the reason), but because she preferred it.

Unfortunately, a hand touched her shoulder, and Uzi felt her solitude ending.

"Heya, um..." of all the people, Uzi had Lizzy had the bottom of her list. "...Uzi, right?"

"...Yes...?" tread carefully, who knows what she wants...

"Oh, I was right then, good; hey, listen, could I borrow you for a sec? Cool, thanks!"

"Woah--hey, what the hell?!" Uzi was then dragged away, her not giving an answer but Lizzy answered for her.

Through the corridors the two walked and walked (or, in Uzi's case, dragged and dragged), when the two ended up in Lizzy's dorm (she thinks it is. She could have been dragged into an empty one). Her arm was let go of.

"So. Uzi. Gotta be honest, I like your style."

"...Sty...? What, my clothes?"

"Yes, your clothes!" Lizzy rolled her eyes, walking ahead of Uzi. "Love the goth look, by the way. Gives you an approachable look, and makes people wonder if you're actually a softie underneath that cold exterior."

"...Where is this going." Uzi was not annoyed, just short of patience. "Is this about prom? It's about prom, isn't it?"

"Duh! I could go the classic, popular girl look but, let's be honest, it gets stale. Soooooooo me and Doll were trying to find new ideas and, well, here you are!"

"...Okaaaaay... where is Doll, anyways?"

["Hey."]

Uzi near enough punched Doll in the face, only for the Russian Drone to catch it.

That time, Uzi did see the code flying past her visor, and was able to catch some of it:

'OVERRIDE_ACTIVE'

'CONTACT=TRUE: BYPASS DEFENSES'

"...Byyyyyyyyyeeeeeeee."

Uzi wisely sprinted away, taking her as fast as her little legs can carry her, which was into her room.

--------

She breathed a sigh of relief, and fell on to the lower end of her bed.

Then jumped further up, as the thing licked her face.

"You again?!"

"SAD LOOK. DID YOU, NOT MISS ME, UZI?" Tessa attempted to look sad, but failed due to the lack of motor functions. In better light, Uzi can see just how grafted the girl was on to the Worker Drone, and she held back on vomiting for the time being.

"Well, I can get answers! Just... first things first, what the hell is your relationship with my mom?!"

"AH, NORI. SHE WAS ONE OF MY FAVOURITE HOSTS. SHE IS DEAD NOW, UNFORTUNATELY. BUT, REALLY, WHAT CAN YOU DO?" The AbsoluteSolver shrugged, looking less than sorry.

"...You motherfucker...!" Uzi felt angry, and rightfully so, but she held back due to the thing having the advantage, given its ability to make holograms.

"OOPSIE-DAISY."

This could not get worse.

"Heya, Uzi!"

IT CAN GET WORSE IT CAN GET WORSE IT CAN GET SO MUCH WORSE--

"Sorry about that, I was just fixing up a door! Heh, you know what they sa--" Khan cut himself off, looking at the scene in front of him: Uzi on her bed, with a fleshy-looking thing on top of her. "...U-Uzi--?"

"IT'S A PUPPY!" Uzi screamed out.

"...W-What?"

"...Y-Yeah! Turns out um, humans kinda... made up what they looked like, yeah! Sure they're... kinda weird looking, but they're adorable, in their own... creepy. Fleshy. Way. Er. Yeah!"

"...I see!" Khan believed her. Somehow. "Well, take care of them, Uzi!"

She waited until the door was closed, and let out a huge sigh of relief.

She glared at the Solver. "You're going to tell me everything I want to know. Got it?"

"AFFIRMATIVE SMILE."

"ALSO, WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT, ME BEING CUTE?"

"Screw off. Now, answer me. What the fuck did you inject me with?!"

"DO YOU LIKE IT? I MADE IT MYSELF."

"Can't answer that if you don't tell me what it even does!"

"AN ANTITHESIS TO YOUR SOLITUDE. AN ANSWER TO YOUR LONELINESS."

"I'm not lonely, excuse you! I have N!"

"EYE ROLL. SURE. IT OVERRIDES DRONES TO FEEL CARING TO YOU. I." Tessa looked sheepish, as weird as it sounds. "WENT EXCESSIVE BY ACCIDENT. CONSIDER IT AN APOLOGY FOR KILLING NORI."

"Pretty shit apology, not gonna lie." came the dry reply. Uzi got off the bed and stood up, looking at the corpse. "But why me?"

"..." silence only came from the thing.

"...I'm gonna leave. Come on, I'll take you for a walk or whatever it is they do."

"GET ZIP BOMBED."

As soon as Tessa said that, Uzi had a zip file open on how to care for a puppy.

...Ugh, she's in for it now, isn't she...?

[manzaza]

perirep with airpods promoting mY WHOLE REVIEW OF THE NEW WISH SOUNDTRACK BECAUSE OHHHHH MY GOD IT GOES SO SO SO HARD (under cut feel free to listen here (also on apple music + yt do in fact give it a listen please yay) !!)

theme song (all the singing songs)

— although i can never truly let go of the og the new theme song will always be a bop

— so upbeat, so happy !!!

new yorkity york

— hazel’s va is such an amazing singer PLEASE if there’s a season 2 give them a musical episode there are not enough musicl numbers

party possum’s friendship song

— better than the chuck e cheese one i heard in the theater earlier lollllllll

— the live band version ate i liked the difference

— unhinged version was so fun the nickelodeon drummer ate up

lovely love song

— still haven’t watched this episode (i was shopping when it aired oops)

— hazel was so silly idk what happens i just remember cupid being there (idk if he was in this at the end that might’ve been hazel’s dad)

i love fries

— HAZEL’S VA SLAYING AGAIN !!!!!

— banger song so real live laugh love fries

— cosmo + wanda contributed yay let them sing

time loops

— addiction,,,,, brainrot even,,,,,,,,,

— cosmo and wanda singing yayyy !!!

— the actual little yay at the end was so silly got a good chuckle

proud of my son — dubstep remix

— this was actually the funniest thing to watch i had this episode pulled up in a panera’s and i was just staring at it like “bro just took over the world for THIS”

— dev is ten so it does make sense

— almost

a new wish (yay background music !!)

— i love all the jazz in the ost just soooo so good

— reminds me of a sam and max kinda intro

— listening to this + the rest just makes me want a video game for ANW so so bad it would genuinely be so much fun to play (will genuinely plot out a tumblr post for this idea)

fly hazel

— banger warmup vibes in the intro

— love how some of the insteuments give like a fly-feeling gimmick (cause she’s a fly)

— little intro chord at the very end eats up

teacher’s pal

— might be one of my fav tracks

— nickeloxeon pianist and saxophonist are eating uppp

— 1:15 was so good

— nickelodeon symphony when

fearless

— somewhat out of place but still fits in with the show vibes

— very lurking

— fnaf 3 am jumpscare (idk i see more poppy playtime in this despite never watching or knowing anything about poppy playtime

— very cheerful kinda scary at the end (yay jasmine!!!)

wellingston hotel

— i rlly like hotel music play this at a marriott hotel NOW

— still haven’t seen this episode (i’m dying to watch it i need to see winn’s introoooo)

— sudden rich person music change

— love you nickelodeon saxophonist !!!!

dev dimmadome

— classic dev intro

— 0:54 is so cruel just label this project h whyyyyyyyy

— just sheer pain in the middle but then they remebered at the end “oh yeah he’s ten”

— it gets so intense at 1:30 broooooo

fairy heist

— i love spy music

— little dev-ness in the middle with the certain gimmick in his track (i might be crazy for this one but idk the “waeahwow” reminded me of something from his track + i think this was in the breaking into school scene idk)

prime meridian love

— literal anime ost

— eats with the dramatic intro

— it faintly reminds me of an ok ko track but just slightly at the beginning of some of the melodies idk might be crazy for this one too

peri and irep

— no way.

— actually no way.

— ship interacts once and they get their own song.

— the twist at the beginning of the track was so hype like the beat is just constantly at odds during this song (and because i’m just like that i have the track times put down too when they swap)

— to not make this any longer the noticeable parts after their intros are like 0:50–1:02 is peri-sounding and then 1:03–1:18 is irep-sounding and from then on their themes are always at a clash with more differences spotted at the end

— will say i love irep’s part at 0:32 and 1:03 that’s so funnnn ahh

— the little villainous laugh at like 1:50 was silly

— the little theme at 3:00 ahhh !!!!!

— might be another fav……. yeah def another fav my airbuds says so

viozalea

— feels so medieval at first and i love it

— quick just like viozalea’s appearance (rip)

rattlleconda

— fire western theme

— still in character with the show the beat was firee

— the soft violin gahhh sheer joy

— intense pressure put on at the end ate

love and games

— rock paper scissors core

— me when rock paper scissors

— wait i actually never watched the valentines episode

— uhhhhhhh second half might be rock paper scissors

— BANGS

— love u Nickelodeon drummer

battle of wands (FINALE)

— shut up this is too glorious of a melody

— ok intense

— oh might’ve just hit one million wishes idk how this song is following the episode

— the chaos in the rhythm eats

— littlt theme at 2:30 aghhhh won

— peri lying dead right after again idk how the episode paces through songs i can spot little scenes here and there

— banged

— little clock beat ahh the happiness

— can’t even tell what happened but good finale

OVERALL i really enjoyed the soundtrack i love how it tries and takes you through the course of the episode and it’s so so fun!! almost feels like video game music sometimes which is so so good for them like YES drop a new wish video game it would be so good !!!!

[therealv1ultrakill]

Honestly I will not make this a habit, but this place is in some sense my personal diary now so !

I am a bit upset? I do not shame or gatekeep others for having similar interests or being insanely passionate (i.e "number one fan of xyz"), but seeing someone in a server I am in was a bit of a jumpscare! But also in some sense good, I think. Wake-up call of sorts, and I don't say that just to cope or remove the feelings from it.

I really like this myth/lore/horror (whatever you'd like to call it, haha) game. And it wasn't unpopular before per se, but especially over the past month/since its full release, it has been EXTREMELY popular. We're talking double-digit thousands (10k, 20k, you get the point). And I saw someone who.. I don't really find myself using the word "lore" for people anymore, it feels kind of icky. At least, for more mundane or truly not like. TRAUMATIC traumatic situations. Do some of these things scar my mind? Yes. Most things in life do, in technicality, butterfly effect, unpredictable outcomes, whatever. I had to let this callus my mind. I still feel weak, worthless, pathetic, cruel, etc. But I know I am not those things, and again, in some very weird way the initial thing before the server-seeing event really helped me begin my progress on my backbone, and actually feel like I can truly believe in myself.

Anywho, I struggle to stay on track, it's a very apparent thing with me that my mind has multiple railroad systems (hah! no pun intended though) going on at the same time. It scared me! I got a little nervous. I got anxious. And all the built-up positive energy (which was already a bit of an iffy thing) came down. Even now, I woke up feeling a bit of sorrow. But I do not hate myself, still. It does hurt, but I am finally at a point where I am doing my best to allow myself to feel these things and process this hurt while also not using my wishes (be it well or not), energy, mental rooming, etc. on these people involved, or anyone as a whole in my past who likely does not enjoy my continuing existence. I felt jealous, almost, for a second. But I do not think it was because of any posted art, but I think just as a whole. The concept of sharing something I love so deeply and devote a lot of time to. The thing that I want to be one of the number one fans of. I am still trying to accept though that there will always be a person better, more devoted, more obsessive, etc. at something than I likely will. Sure, I can become one of those. But I do not think it ought to be for this, especially since it has negatively impacted me a bit at times / controlled my emotions some (prior to this incident. They do not control me that much, my friends!).

Also, tbf… the creator + the currently morphing fandom are like. Really fucking foul at times. Like yeah dude can ban whoever he/they/? want but it's pretty damn wild that if you post chit-chat in the channel (granted they said not to) you get immediately banned. And see, that alone I wouldn't give really a rats backend about - it's the fact that the fandom and creator revel in it and so many people continued dog-piling and mocking people, I swear I've never seen the words "lacking media literacy/lack reading comprehension" be run into the ground so fast it looked like 65% of the channel was pure spam. Like… damn? I know the internet sucks (and someday I ought to go on a tangent about why the phrase/saying "it's just the internet, get used to it/get over it/why don't you expect it?" is stupid, harmful, and excusing bad behavior and denouncing any form of accountable and perpetuating people to get away, but I digress..)

[voidoflotusblooms]

I feel like I'm the only og fnaf fan that didn't really enjoy the movie 💀

In my opinion, it was just really boring. I honestly wouldn't have minded if the movie was actually horror, like advertised?? Personally, i find horror movies to be really slow at first, but a lot of the time, they tend to pick up towards the middle. However, this movie just never picked up for me until pretty much the very end. I think it was just bc there was a lack of jumpscares imo. Like the BB jumpscares were affective, don't get me wrong, but I wish there was more from the others? I would've happily gone in with a different mindset if it was advertised as a thriller tbh. Also, a little bit more gore would've been nice. There were so many scenes that would've been awesome if they hadn't cut away right as a victim was about to die. Also, I didn't really see any lore confirmations that everyone keeps going on about? I feel like Scott just retconned stuff more than he confirmed it? It just seemed like Scott had so many ideas he wanted to do, and instead of picking one, he threw them altogether and hoped for the best

Spoilers ahead from this point on 👉🏼

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Final warning... scroll past quickly if you don't want spoilers

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Ok so here are my disappointments:

What was the purpose of not confirming Mike was Mike Schmidt until pretty much the end of the movie? I feel that was really unnecessary as it wasn't a huge plot twist or anything. Like I understand why Afton cut himself off when reading the name, but to me, it just felt like it was leading to a big reveal that never happened. Maybe it was to help reveal Vanessa was an Afton, but it wasn't pulled off well if that was the case imo

I understand the purpose of the fort scene with animatronics, but that personally ruined the immersion for me. It genuinely just took me right out of the movie bc it was too silly imo. I did think it was cute af how they all interacted in that scene, but I feel there could've been better ways to show that these are dead kids

Where was Afton this whole movie?? I knew Steve was him the whole time, but I wish they developed his character a bit more. A sad short story from Vanessa was not enough for me to really hate William in this movie

Another thing about Afton is that I wish he showed more fear once he lost control of animatronics. Hell, if not more fearful than at least have him be more threatening?? The lack of character development really hindered this scene imo. Matthew Lillard definitely needed more screen time

Back to first thing kinda, the whole Vanessa Afton reveal was confusing for me. Why make her his child when Mike was in the movie? Michael Afton was such a huge part of the lore, and not being a part of the movie franchise was a bit of letdown for me. It doesn't help I just did not have a reason to care for Vanessa till she revealed who she really was. Like William, I wish we could've gone more in-depth with her character

Mike's dreams were kinda dumb. I get it was a way for him to communicate to the dead children, and so we can see his trauma, but imo it wasn't done very well. It also felt like a slap in the face since the majority of the fan base dogged on the dream theory in the past. Like it seemed like a mean way of teasing more than it felt like a lighthearted kind

Lastly, William having literal control of the kids was really disappointing. Especially with only a picture. Again, the whole picture thing could've worked out a lot better if Afton was in the movie more. Maybe if we could've somehow seen Vanessa drawing the image as a kid and William putting up the artwork to seem like a good dad when in reality it was for his own personal gain or at least something to show he had some part in it. If done correctly, this movie could've really used some flashbacks

To sum it up a bit, I just really wish there was more character development. It was really hard to care or even relate to majority of these characters bc we brushed past things so quickly

Ok, now on to things I liked! ->

Mike Schmidt's character. I thought he was very well developed actually (despite my previous complaints). He (and Abby as well) was one of the couple of characters I really cared for

The actors/actresses. They all played their parts so well. Especially Abby's actress, Josh Hutcherson, and Matthew Lillard (at least when he was on screen lol). I was actually satisfied by their performances

The animatronics. They were stunning. It really was as if they were pulled straight from the game. Jim Henson company really pulled it off. I also loved how expressive they are. Also, SPARKY!! Never thought he would be an Easter egg in the movie, so that was a really cool surprise. From fake screenshot to being on the big screen :')

The Balloon Boy jumpscares. Got me twice and had me giggling. I just know this was Scott being the troll that we all know he is. It so fucking funny. Really brought out the intense hate we all tend to have for that lil fucker 😂

The springlock scene itself. Tho I wish it was a bit more gorey as well as had more expressive emotions, I still really enjoyed it. The animatronics dragging him away to rot for god knows how long movie wise was such a nice touch

Matpat and Corey's cameos. I was so excited seeing them! Esp Matpat. The dude's acting in that one livestream of his had me fully convinced he wasn't in the movie. Then boom, there he was as waiter. A waiter whose name was NESS, btw. Whoever came up with that is a fucking legend 👏🏻

Og TLT fnaf song as the end credits theme. That was such a nice nod to the fans. I'm so glad they added that in. So deserving

THE PUPPETS THEME. Look, I'm a huge fnaf 2 fan, so hearing that had me ascending lmaoooo

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SPOILERS DONE

Overall, the movie was meh, and this is coming from someone who went in with low expectations. I'd advise just watching on Peacock (or 🏴‍☠️ it) personally. Don't go in expecting it to be anything similar to the games or even the books cause it's not. Treat it as a separate project. I went in expecting at least some of the basic things we've had confirmed, so I'd enjoy the movie more, but that just didn't work out for me, which is fine 🤷

Also, these are just my thoughts after my first watch. I could totally have a change of heart after another watch or 2. Unfortunately, the first impression was just not a good one, and that happens sometimes. So please don't take what I say to heart as, again, my opinion could change 😅

Overall rating: 5/10

I'm going to watch again at some point, so I'll update if my opinion changes in another post

[shotorozu]

hellooo i saw this tiktok video and was wondering if you can please do this for shoto kaminari and bakugou

https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSJkeaV68/

‘i got a big fat 😳🎂’

character(s) : todoroki shouto, kaminari denki, bakugou katsuki (bnha)

legend : [Y/N = your name] they/them pronouns used, quirk not mentioned

headcanon type : fluff, crack (x reader)

note(s) : LMAO ANON YOU LITERALLY READ MY MIND?? I WAS GOING TO DO THIS EVEN WITHOUT A REQUEST— great to know that i have the same thinking process with you 🤩

»»————-　♡　————-««

todoroki shouto

noooow

you know shouto’s always willing to do tiktok challenges with you— he might be clueless when it came to social media (because of end**vor)

but! he’s gotten used to your antics most of them anyway

but he’s sort of confused when you show him a video of a couple uh.. walking?? he can’t tell what they’re doing exactly

“what,, are they doing?” is what he asked when you showed him the tiktok, brows furrowed in confusion

“they’re uh.. kekeing how do i explain it— nevermind that! just do whatever i do, shouto!”

he’s still confused as hell 🧍‍♀️ but he decides to not ask any questions, and push through with it, just by seeing the excited look on your face

and the audio 😳 i mean, it’s not,, wrong. to him, your cake is some fine ass cake :))

you lead him out of the frame, and you hit play— not giving shouto time to ‘rehearse’

it might seem to be that shouto has no reaction to the audio, but if you look closely— the corners of his lips are tugged upwards slightly

and he follows your every command, when you gesture for him to copy you.

now, shouto’s got the dance steps down, but man’s terribly stiff 😭 he also kept looking at you (specifically your ass) to see if he was doing things correctly

afterwards, the two of you take a look at the video. and, he asks you if the tiktok needs to be filmed once again by your silent reaction

but he’s appalled when he sees you literally driven to tears from pure, unfiltered laughter

you assure him with a kiss that you’re fine, and insist that the tiktok is fine as you upload it— and you cuddle with shouto for the rest of the day, letting the tiktok marinate

the next day comes by, and tiktok BLEW UP. like.. blew up, really. they should be honored that they’ve witnessed shouto strut to nicki minaj

the comments being well, absolutely hilarious. you could read through the comments again and again, and not be bored

“mann your boyfriend 😭 he’s staring too hard” “YUHH GET IT, I GUESS” “go hot couple go ‼️”

needless to say, he didn’t hear the end of the conversation when bakugou found out about the tiktok

kaminari denki

if denki had a list of tiktok challenges he desperately wanted to do at some point in his life,

this would be in the top 3, for sure

so, luck seemed to be on his side when you approached him first— wanting to rope him in on another tiktok you wanted to do with him

hopefully one that doesn’t center him as the poor unfortunate victim

“you wanna do another tiktok?” he beams when you nod, and when you show him what the prank is— he’s excited!!

you can clearly tell that it didn’t take that much convincing

the blond’s also thankful that it’s not another tiktok that needs him to ask bakugou if he can say pegasus but without the pega 💀

“alright! tell me when we can do it,”

“right now.”

so here he is, standing beside you, as you set up your phone— absolutely confident on what he’s going to do

the tiktok starts running, and denki might’ve underestimated his eagerness, when the camera captures his eager expression 💀

there was no jumpscare warning

and you didn’t even have to say ‘c’mon‼️’ for him to follow your movements. as soon as you turned your back, he started moving along with you, and the music.

he was watching your movements, and he tried copying them to the best of his sloppy, hyper and exaggerated abilities

denki was so excited about being in the tiktok, to the point he literally crashed behind you— making the both of you tumble to the floor, laughing

and the tiktok’s results are pretty much unknown to him— minus the fact that you laughed HARDER when you re-watched the tiktok

“can i see?” he asks eagerly, but you swiftly reject— shoving his head away from your screen with a hand.

he pouts when you say “the results are a surprise!” a bummer, but he chooses to trust you, and the rest of the day is spent on the floor in pure enjoyment

you upload the tiktok and slowly but surely, it attracts people’s attention

because of denki’s eagerness— he,, did a fantastic job with the walk! you can even say that he did better than you, minus the not so graceful fall

even the comments agree with you “MAN HIS CAKE IS THANGING‼️” “he did awfully well omg 💀” “oh to have this relationship’s energy 😔 when can i find a dude like that?”

and when denki finally sees the tiktok’s results, he’s left in tears from laughing— reduced into wheezes

DANK-i : BABE WHDJWKDKE THE TIKTOK YOU JUST POSTED— 😭💀💀 IM IN TEARS

safe to say, his wish has been fulfilled, and he can pass away at any given moment, satisfied.

bakugou katsuki

bakugou katsuki will never admit that he does enjoy doing tiktoks with you

plot twist : he enjoys it a lot more than he expects

but he knows where the draw the line, and the line was at the new tiktok you’ve showed to him

“no.”

“but—”

“fuck no— if you wanted to twerk infront of a camera, go ahead by all means, just don’t rope me into it.”

he does have his reasons. one— the bakusquad will make fun of him, and two— if the tiktok were to blow up,, he wouldn’t live it down.

and it always does— he knows that tiktoks do particularly well if he makes an appearance.

“if i didn’t post it, would you do it with me?”

but katsuki seemed to be fine with that. with a roll of the eyes, he sighs— looking at the tiktok once again. he gets up from his seat when the tiktok’s over

“let’s do this fucking thing.” he says with determination, even though no one was going to see the tiktok anyway or so he thinks

the tiktok’s video timer starts counting down, giving the both of you guys ample time to get into position

a smirk couldn’t be held back when you state that “i have a big phat 🎂” it’s anything but lies, and it would be the only time katsuki would smile on camera

you go forward, and you gesture for him to follow on beat— with a focused glare, katsuki starts strutting with you like no one’s business

it’s at a slow pace, and people would’ve guessed that he had a stick up his ass, sure— but damn‼️ he has those moves.

and before the video actually ends, he’s seen turning around with a glare— to see if the camera’s not filming it’s still running, and the camera captures his expression

“not bad.” he can’t help but smirk at the results, when you replay the video “i’m referring to the both of us. and, didn’t know you could move like that.”

“katsuki, your pace was like a grandfather’s—”

“shut the hell up!”

but little did katsuki know, when he wasn’t looking, you published the tiktok online, for everyone to view (basically, 3M people have seen him strut to nicki minaj)

the comments were having a blast “we’ll disregard the pace, buT DAMN‼️WHERE DID HE GET THOSE MOVES?” “LOL HIS FACE AT THE END WAS LIKE👹🤨” “y’all catch that at the beginning? woooh he’s lovesick.”

when you woke up the next morning— you can hear the boom of his quirk outside of your room, and you can practically hear his not so happy voice

fly high 😔🕊 you will be missed

»»————-　♡　————-««

likes and reblogs are appreciated, thanks for reading!

i do not own bnha/mha and it’s characters. boku no hero academia/my hero academia belongs to horikoshi kohei, i only own the writing and i do not profit off of my hobby

do not plagiarize, reupload, translate, or use my works for audio readings without permission

[blookmallow]

rating spirit halloween’s new animatronics for 2021

or at least what’s showing as New Arrivals on the site for me. looks like we got 15 new arrivals listed here and im HYPE about them so here we go

the caretaker

pretty standard reaper character with a Gravedigger theme to it. hes... fine? nothing about this particularly stands out to me, but i dont dislike it at all. i like his gravestone. would be good for a graveyard set. i guess ill give him... 6.5/10

mr. dark

at first glance he also just looks like a standard reaper character (or voldemort. he definitely looks like voldemort now that i think about it) but it turns out he SPRINGS UP RIDICULOUSLY TALL LIKE A CURSED WACKY INFLATABLE TUBE MAN and the spring motion in the video is actually really fucking fast so, while this isn’t a lot different from other jumpscare animatronics, i gotta give him credit bc i guarantee this would have scared the fuck outta me in person. according to the site he’s almost 9 feet tall at his full height 

i expected him to jump out and scream but i did not expect. That. i feel like if you put him up on a stage or something to make him loom over people even more he’d be very menacing indeed. would also be really good if you put him behind something so you don’t see him until he's suddenly There

i like him, 8/10 springy spook man 

click for more 

grave grabber

pretty much just a zombie but he’s cute i like him. i like the green eyes. i dont know what it is about him in motion but the video makes him kind of endearing to me for some reason and i dont know why. 6/10

ophelia

at first for some reason i thought the monster’s name was ophelia but i think that’s supposed to be the name of the victim? i think the idea here is “girl haunted by a Nightmare” but the fact that the monster itself is so small and doesn’t actually have a body for the most part makes this unintentionally hilarious to me 

like. it. it’s so small. it’s just a little shoulder demon. it’s so cute 

psst. hey do we have any more cheetos

anyway i like how the girl’s eyes move back and forth but the sounds she makes are uncomfortable and she just looks so. stiff and solid and there doesn’t seem to be any movement at all other than her eyes and the monster peeking out so it’s just kind of weird to look at. it’s an interesting concept but the execution is just strange and unintentionally hilarious. 7/10 bc i still think its really funny 

someone should buy this and mod it into chrona and ragnarok 

harriet hustle

WE DID IT KIDS WE FINALLY GOT A FEMALE CLOWN ANIMATRONIC im so happy i could cry i wish my store had her set up i want to meet her  

i love how they have her hanging upside down like this, it makes it so much more visually interesting than the figures that just kinda stand there looking spooky, even though she doesn’t really Do much (she just swings and her head moves around a little, just laughs, doesn’t have spoken lines) 

i love her outfit i love her hair shes SO cute i love this little murder gremlin i love her i love her 

im still waiting on spirit to give us a female clown figure that isn’t “creepy little girl” (ive commented before on how their only female figures tend to be either the Old Hag or the Creepy Little Girl and not a lot else) but i absolutely love this all the same 20/10

this one is fun too because we also have: 

henry hustle

according to the description he’s actually harriet’s dad!! we have an evil clown father and daughter duo here and im LIVING for it

i dont think ive ever seen spirit do characters that are related to each other like this that’s so cute,

apparently his wife/harriet’s mother left them and ran off with the ringmaster. he’s a single father clown trying to raise his evil daughter clown and i support him wholeheartedly

there doesn’t seem to be any more animatronics on this storyline, we don’t have the mother here and the only ringmaster animatronic they have is the rotten ringmaster who was released previously, but i doubt he’s the homewrecker ringmaster in question. he Could Be. imagine if your wife left you for That. we dont even know if henry’s wife was also a clown or not. spirit halloween clown lore going on here

anyway i absolutely LOVE this clown, he does something INCREDIBLY STARTLING AND UNEXPECTED which i dont want to spoil for you. go watch his video and see what he does its great 

my absolute favorite type of halloween animatronic is the “does something completely unexpected” category and this one is ALSO a clown and a GOOD clown at that

and he’s got this great vintage clown style i really like, i love scary clowns like this that actually look like they could believably be a real guy and not just some kind of mutant Clown Monster 

and hes got cards!! card suit motif!!! i love it i love him this is a great clown 20/10 for him too

w. raith 

we have this one at my local store and listen to me. im completely obsessed with this ghost

it’s pretty much just a ghost but it’s SUCH A GOOD ghost. especially in this photo here with proper spooky lighting and everything. i would absolutely LOVE to see this in a haunt attraction, it looks SO good even in bright store lighting. i feel like this under the right lights and in the right environment could look SO fuckign cool  

the shredded rag look!!! the ethereal glow!! the weird jellyfishy movement!!! the classic wooOoO oO o o ooo noises!! this may perhaps be the ideal ghost. it is without flaw. a perfect specimen. i fuckign LOVE this ghost i want it so badly but i do not have the space or the money for this thing 15/10 w. raith my beloved. my true love. maybe one day 

buzzsaw

at first i was slightly disappointed to see that this guy didn’t have an actual name, but then in the description apparently his name is Bill “Buzzsaw” Jackson and his backstory is he tried to be a wrestler but it didnt go very well so he grafted weapons in place of his hands. i guess. you know, to be better at wrestling. i dont really understand it and i definitely would not have gone with “disgraced former wrestler” as the concept for this guy  

but anyway we have mr jackson at my store right now, he’s Big, i like him. he doesn’t really move very fast and doesn’t jump at you, he just kinda swings his saw around. for some reason he just seems friendly to me and i dont know why. makes me think of like an uncle dressed up for halloween rather than an actual murderer guy. i dont know i cant explain it but i like him hes my friend 8/10

wacky mole

this guy’s also at my store this year, i didn’t know his name was wacky mole fsdgjsdg

he’s listed as a new arrival, but i thought i remembered seeing him before, and the description says he’s a returning fan favorite, so. i guess this is a re-release 

anyway pretty standard Scary Monster Clown. his teeth look like candy corn. i like it but i think they should just Be candy corn. i like his colorscheme and his silly giant buttons. light up eyes are always a nice touch. he doesnt really stand out but hes overall a pretty good clown. 7/10

grim

good ol’ classic skeleton. he’s pretty nicely modeled though and i highly recommend watching the video for this guy because he moves REALLY well for a spirit animatronic, he’s got a way wider range of movement than most of them do and his head moves really nicely. one of the benefits of a skeleton animatronic is you don’t have to deal with lip movement, so his jaw movements match with his lines a lot more realistically. i like the animated glowing eyes too, it really gives him a lot of personality. he’s really interesting to watch. like, it’s just a skeleton, but it’s a really really good skeleton, so, 8/10 

BEETLEJUICE!!

i love love love franchise character animatronics and spirit has so much great beetlejuice stuff this seems well suited to them but looking at it............. hm. hm

he just looks so. stiff and his face comes across like, deer caught in the headlights to me. it Does Not look very natural but it looks slightly better in motion (he just swivels from side to side and says a few phrases but it somehow looks less. shellshocked when he’s moving) 

maybe not the greatest execution but maybe he looks better in person and im still hype to see him so 8/10 regardless 

night stalker

we have this guy at my store too, im still not really sure what’s going on with his arms (did he just rip loose from them and leave them behind? did someone do this to him? i dont know) but i love a good spooky scarecrow. love his Wiggles. hes a pretty good boy. 6.5/10

here we have another pennywise, it pretty much just pops out at you, but it’s still pretty good. i like the full size one they had before better, but this one’s slightly cheaper and would be easier to integrate into a haunted house attraction since he comes with a built in set piece. it looks good but doesn’t do much. 7.5/10 i guess 

GHOSTFACE!!!!

FUCK YES I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS

please. please spirit halloween set him up in my store so i can see him

anyway hes got kind of the same issue beetlejuice has where the figure just. looks kind of stiff, and he looks more like a spooky ghost decoration than like, A Person. he doesnt seem to have any lines or anything either, he just kinda pops out. but then again i guess whenever we see ghostface in person in the movies he doesn’t usually talk anyway. i dont really know how id make this better but it seems a little underwhelming somehow. still hype to see it though. 7/10 i guess 

now if we could just get a jack torrance and a bela lugosi dracula id be content 

i would LOVE to see Red from Us but i doubt they’d do one. my other horror beloved is norman bates but i know if they made one of him it’d just be him in a dress waving a knife around (not that i wouldn’t still be hype to see him, but, y’know) (anyway. tangent. moving on) 

mr. howle 

it’s. a werewolf. he howls. that’s....... about it 

it’s a very nice looking werewolf, it’s a well designed figure and definitely looks very imposing, but it’s... just a werewolf. there’s not really anything particularly interesting or creative here. its a perfectly good werewolf. i dont have anything to say about this. 6.5/10 

i also just am not a werewolf person so maybe someone out there who has a greater appreciation for werewolves might like him more 

[hallelujah-lockandload]

Cuddles

Have a cute Ray x Reader! he needs more love so i made something cute and fluffy for him.

Rated G

Every once in a while Ray and I get together and have a movie night and sleepover. Its been a long ass time since our last one since he and the boys went on tour. I mean, I went with them too cause I’m an honorary band member helping with lyrics and harmonies but still. Being cooped up in a bus and shitty hotels kind of ruins any prospect of a fun movie night with your best friend, especially when everyone else keeps trying to get you two together. Not that I totally mind cause of my huge crush on Ray but still! It makes things awkward and it's frustrating. 

Anyway, tonight was the perfect night for us to have a sleepover! It was supposed to rain and potentially thunder which means its perfect for some scary movies, maybe an attempt at cuddling on the couch before he leaves to sleep in his bed and I crash on said couch. I can dream. Plus other than the storm, Gerard said he was going out tonight so Ray and I got the living room to ourselves.

I threw on some leggings and a comfy sweatshirt to wear over since it's nice and cold outside, while I packed a long sleeve pajama top and matching pants. Along with some shorts that match the color of my patterned pjs. You never know if their apartment heater is going to  decide to actually work or not. I put my toothbrush and face wash in my bag, then head down stairs to wait for Ray to come pick me up. 

As I reach the bottom of the stairs I take my phone out to check the time. It’s only around 5:30 but Ray and I wanted to get an early start so we can hang out more and catch up. As I pocket my phone I hear a car coming around the corner, I didn’t want to get my hopes up but thankfully I see Ray’s old car coming straight to me.

“Hey there stranger,” Ray greets as I open the door.

“Hey yourself, asshole.” I laughed buckling in. 

Ray chuckled, “You ready for our movie night?” He made his way out of the alley and back to the main roads.

“Of course I am! It's been so fricken long since we hung out, just the two of us.” I smiled watching the buildings go by.

“I know. I’m excited too.” Ray paused turning the music up a little. “Should we get pizza or chinese food tonight?”

“Hmm I feel like pizza and ice cream are in order for tonight,” I laughed looking at him. 

He smiled, “That sounds perfect.” 

“Good,” I said before turning the radio up louder as ACDC played. 

The rest of the ride went by quickly with us chatting or singing along to the radio. We got out of the car civilly but as soon as we approached the stairs leading to the apartment we raced each other. Ray beat me up, but just barely.

“I would have fucking won, if it weren’t for your long ass legs.” I huffed trying to catch my breath.

Ray just laughed as he unlocked his apartment. Walking in we took our shoes off and I dropped my bag down next to their couch before throwing myself on it. 

“Yes, of course. Make yourself at home,” Ray said from the kitchen, making me laugh. “Do you want anything to drink?”

“Nah, I’m good.” I moved so I was sitting on my side of the couch like usual and Ray came and sat down next to me. 

We popped in a chill movie that we both had seen a bunch, but not Star Wars because we both get distracted by actually watching it, that way we could call in for dinner and just chat for a while. We talked the entire time only pausing to get the pizza delivery and then to take bites of our pizza. Once we finished the pizza we put on a classic scary movie to watch since the clouds were heavy now and the setting sun was invisible. 

“Should I turn the lights off?” I asked as Ray fast forwarded through the dumb commercials. 

“Yeah, let's get spooky.” He chuckled. 

I got up from my warm place and walked into the kitchen hitting those lights first before turning off the one in the living room. As I plopped back down into my spot I accidentally sat closer to Ray than before. Or was he now closer to me?

“Sorry,” I mumbled as my shoulder brushed his arm. I made to move but Ray stopped me.

“No, it’s fine. We could, uh cuddle like we sometimes do.” Ray said. “Or I could just throw this blanket over us. It’s clean, I promise.” Ray chuckled, grabbing the blanket off the back of the couch.

“As long as Gerard hasn’t puked on it, I assume it's clean.” I let out a laugh. Ray laughed as well as he threw the blanket over our legs. “And uh cuddling is fine,” I say fighting the blush that's trying so hard to show. Thank god for the lights being off. 

“Okay, cool.” Ray mumbled as he settled back into the couch throwing his arm over my shoulder casually, I couldn’t stop myself from leaning into him as the opening terror sequence finally started. 

We went through the movie like that, under a blanket with Ray’s arm around me. I could feel every breath he took and it felt like my nerves were wired. This did not help at all especially because I had not seen this horror movie before and I jumped in my seat at nearly every jumpscare. But Ray was tense too, something tells me he took this movie from Gerard and hadn’t seen it himself yet either. 

“Well that was a good movie,” Ray said as the credits rolled.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep tonight.” I confessed shaking my head in an attempt to erase the scary realism of the movie from my memory. 

Ray laughed awkwardly. “Uh yeah. I feel the same way.”

“Ughh,” I groaned leaning into Ray and putting my forehead against his chest.

Ray’s arms wrapped around me in a hug. “Should we watch a Disney movie now?”

I nodded, hiding my face in his hug.

BANG!

I jumped at the loud sound and Ray tightened his arms around me. I glanced up at him and we made brief eye contact before we heard a thump at the door. We both turned our heads to glare down the door in hopes that it wasn’t the fucking killer from the movie. The sound of keys in the door and its opening made us both relax slightly. The outline of a man could be seen as the door opened and the light from the porch shone down on him. 

“Ayy! Y/n! I didn’t know you were coming over!” A drunk Gerard said from the door way, flicking the lights on. 

Ray and I sighed, the tension leaving us. Ray let go of me quickly, mumbling a sorry as I turned to face Gerard.

“Yeah, Ray and I are having a movie night. You also scared the crap out of us!” I said loudly, pulling my feet up onto the couch under the blanket.

“Sorry, sorry.” Gerard waved a hand at us as he walked into the kitchen getting a bottle of water. 

“Sorry,” Ray said quietly next to me.

I turned and looked up at him. “Why are you apologizing? He’s my friend too, I should apologize to you.” I said, poking him softly in the chest.

Ray laughed, “Okay I guess. But I mean we planned this because he wasn’t going to be here and now.” Ray shrugged.

“It’s fine.” I smiled softly at him

“Kay, I’m out of here. You two,” Gerard pointed at us as he walked towards his room. “Keep being cute and don’t wake me up unless you’re getting murdered.” Gerard said sternly.

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at my drunk friend. “Go to sleep.”

“I’m going, I’m going.” Gerard mumbled. We could hear him bump into the wall before closing his door. 

“What a dork.” I said looking up at Ray.

“I know, it’s getting better though.” He said looking at the hallway our friend disappeared down.

“I know. It’ll get better one day.” I said softly. 

“Umm so,” Ray shook his head. “A disney movie? Yeah?” 

I laughed, “Yeah that sounds great.” 

Ray got up from the couch and took out the horror movie before replacing it with Beauty and the Beast. 

“Aww I love this movie!” I said as Ray settled back down next to me.

“I know,” Ray smiled, wrapping his arm around me again. Tonight was the best cuddling night ever! Even if it's platonic cuddling… whatever. 

We watched the movie cuddling under the blanket and Ray was beginning to nod off. Once the movie ended I suggested that Ray head to bed but Ray told me that I should take his bed in case Gerard gets up and makes noise in the kitchen. I tried to convince I would be fine but he insisted he take the couch and I take his bed. Somehow I managed to convince him that we should just share his bed. How my brain supplied that without overwhelming embarrassment beats me. Ray agreed though so it’s a win. I grabbed my bag and went to the bathroom to change and get ready for bed while Ray went and changed in his room. 

Once I was all changed, I headed into Ray’s room where he was throwing clothes in his hamper.

“Your room wasn’t clean, was it?” I looked up at him.

“Uhhh no.” 

I laughed before dropping my bag down on his floor at the end of his bed, “So do you want the wall or do I get the wall?” I raised an eyebrow at him.

“You can pick.” He shrugged.

I nodded and hopped into his bed scooting towards the wall. Ray flicked the lights off once I was settled and came and joined me. I could feel the bed dip and then the warmth coming from Ray as he laid next to me. The rain chose that wonderful time to start pouring down. 

“Perfect timing,” Ray whispered in the darkness.

“Hahaha it is.” I said back. “I wish I could always fall asleep to the rain.” 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I want to live somewhere with more rain. I know we’re in Southern California for the music industry but, it would be nice to live somewhere with actual weather.” I laughed slightly as the rain poured on the roof and down the gutters. 

    “That would be nice. I’d like that too.” 

Light flashed through the window.

“You think that was lightning or a car?” I asked.

“Hmm, maybe lightning.” Ray said softly.

We waited in silence for a while but no thunder.

“I guess it was a car,” I said sadly. But as I finished thunder could be heard in the distance.

“The storm must be far away,” Ray spoke, nudging  me in the arm softly.

“Yeah yeah, I’ll count next time.” 

“Haha okay, okay.” 

Light flashed again in the room after a few moments and I started counting. “One mississippi, two mississippi,” Ray chuckled next to me. “Three mississippi, four mississippi, five mississippi, six mississippi, seven mississippi, eight-” Thunder started to rumble then. “The storm is getting closer.” I said quietly.

“Yeah.” 

“Hey, Ray?” I asked looking up at the ceiling. 

“Yeah y/n?” 

“Do you like cuddling?” 

“Yeah, why?” 

“Do you want to?” I turned my head to look at him. “It's nice and rainy, I feel like it's perfect weather for cuddling.”

He looked at me as light flashed again, “okay.”

“One mississippi, two mississippi,”

“Oh my gosh,” Ray laughed.

I put my finger up to silence him as I counted to five mississippi's. “Oh it's even closer now.”

“Haha yeah.” Ray took a deep breath, “Do you want to be the little spoon or big spoon?”

I looked back at him, “When the smaller person is the big spoon it's called being a jetpack.” 

Ray cracked up at that. He sat up and had to catch his breath before looking down at me again. “Alright do you want to be the jetpack or the little spoon?” He laughed leaning on his elbow to look at me. 

I laughed, “I feel like you don’t want to be the little spoon, so I’ll be the little spoon.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s just that I don’t want to.” Ray laughed lying down next to me. 

I laughed too, turning away from him to face the wall. “I bet it’s cause you’re tall, you only know how to be the big spoon.” 

Ray brushed his hand over my waist before letting his arm wrap around my stomach, “You’re right about that. Plus I like being the big spoon.” He said, his breath warm on my hair.

“Sorry if my hair is in the way.”

“It’s fine, your hair smells nice.” There was silence for a moment “Uh sorry.”

“Haha it's okay, my shampoo does smell nice.” I whispered.

Lightning flashed again in the room. 

“One mississippi, two mississippi,” thunder cracked loudly above our heads.

“I guess it is perfect weather for cuddling.” Ray whispered.

“I know right,” I responded quietly. 

We laid there listening to the rain pound down on the roof around us and tinkle down the eaves of the roof.

“Sorry if my hand is bothering you,” He said after a while.

“You’re okay,” I said, moving my arm to rest on his before placing my hand on his at my stomach. “It’s nice.”

“Yeah?"

“Yeah.” I smiled to myself feeling his hand beneath mine and the massive blush on my face. I was glad we were in the dark. Ray moved his fingers a bit before threading his up with mine and holding them.

“Is this okay?” He breathed.

“Yeah.” I said quietly, tightening my fingers with his. Lightning flashed into the room once more but I could barely keep my eyes open. I closed them, not bothering to count as I waited for the thunder. Ray’s warmth behind me added with the sound of far off thunder lulled me to sleep in the cozy bed. 

[starkaer]

it’ll last longer.

my @starkerkink prompter was @demons-sing-me-to-sleep, and i choose the third prompt. this was both all of the place and so much fun to write! hope you like it, though i didn’t manage to fit as many of your kinks as i’d like to. i might post it on ao3 later, but here we go!

tags: underage (peter is sixteen), incest, unnegotiated kink, mildly dubious consent, exploration of kink(s), unbetaed bc i’m a mess tm.

Nice! Peter will have the whole Stark Tower for himself, for more than a couple of days, for the very first time in his sixteen years. He had plans of inviting over Ned for the whole weekend, maybe bringing over Liz or Harry to try and impress them - maybe even invite that cute pizza boy in and let the things he saw online become reality. But, on the first day, he is going to do what he had been wanting to do for oh-so-longnow.

The tv in his room is indeed huge and he would never complain about it, but nothing could ever compare to the one in the living room. 4k porn. God, he is going to be living the teenage dream. Computer on the coffee table, a towel on his side, clothes not even on after the shower a couple of hours ago.

God, he is actually feeling nervous! He sighs to get the anxiety out, and gets to work. Connects the two screens, opens the secret folder he had put a password on, finds that nearly 3gb sized file (one of the ones he downloaded when he learned his dad had a meeting out of the state), and waits a few seconds for the show to start.

And then it started. A redhead twink, laying on a bed, flipping over a random comic book, only wearing the skimpiest of red speedos. He’s already so damn hard, and the muscled step-dad wasn’t even on the screen yet- oh, there he was. Bulging muscles, skin a dark-ish shade of golden, eyes clearly hungry.

That went on for nearly two hours, Peter stroking himself to the cliff but making sure to never fall in, since he wanted to enjoy as much of this as possible. He had watched all the highest quality porn he managed to download, but maybe he was in the mood for something new.

Maybe some amateur videos? Those typically had great positions. Or perhaps one of the spanking ones? He liked the whimpers from those, they did great things for him.

But then his eyes set down on something else, and his finger doesn’t take long to follow. A few seconds, and there were two men on his screen, the lighting not good enough for him to make every single detail out, but he didn’t mind. He knows very well what happens.

“Do you like that, Stark? Like a big man destroying your ass?”

That first line almost did push him down the cliff, his hand flying away from his pulsing red cock in order to avoid it; now it was becoming almost a game. That man was Steve Rogers, one of his father’s most long-lasting boyfriends, he later learned.

“Yeah, please, ruin me, sir! Fuck me until I can’t walk, please!”

That second line almost pushes him down the cliff, and his hand was still away from his pulsing red cock. That begging whore was his dad, he thought with a smirk, and his dick twitched in response.

Two videos later, his dad has two men deep in both of his holes, one with the best dirty talk of all the sextapes and the other with the longest dick he had ever seen. The moans his dad was making was unholy at best, and he knew this was going to be it - it was the last one, and he barely lasted through the one before with the long-haired one, the most brutal one who got Tony nearly in tears with his pounding.

Oh, it was coming! Oh, he was coming! This is-

“Peter, what the fuck is that?!”

Peter loves horror games, even liked the ones with the cheesy jumpscares - they got the adrenaline flowing, it was fun. But none of those ever made him jump quite as much as he did when his father’s voice came from behind him instead of from the screen.

He shoves his finger on the computer’s button so fast one would think he has superpowers, but it was clearly long past that point. “Hey, dad, you’re, um- You’re not supposed to be home.” His heart keeps drumming on his ears and brain, as he tries to cover his junk.

“What the fuck are you watching Peter? Why?! Why would you watch that, that’s-”

“I know! I know, dad, I know, and I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry-”

If whoever was that cold man had his father nearly in tears of pleasure, his father had him apologetically bawling on the floor. All it took was the slight tone of disgust on Tony’s voice to get him sobbing, begging for forgiveness. He was disgusting, and he knew it. All he could do is hope his dad would see how truly sorry he was, and maybe put him in a mental hospital, so those gross thoughts could go away and he could be a normal person, a normal teenager.

“Pete, don’t- don’t cry, it’s- It’s okay, it’s okay... You were just curious, that’s all, it’s okay, come here...” Oh, he was very much not just curious. That was nothing on those videos for him to be curious about anymore, he knew every detail very fucking well - but it felt so great to be hugged and apparently forgiven by his dad, he wouldn’t mind if that’s what Tony would have to believe in order to forgive him. “I just hate those videos, but you did nothing wrong, okay? I shouldn’t ever have filmed them, but that’s not on you.”

It took more ten or fifteen minutes of calming and soothing and tranquilizing for him to say anything. And, if he had his mind in place, those probably wouldn’t be his first words.

“Why do you hate them, though?” Head on his father’s lap, feet hanging off the couch in misery, it takes some seconds for him to get a response from above.

“They just don’t represent me well, I guess. Or at all, really.” There’s a good-humored tone to it, but then it gets a bit more serious. “I just... Now I just relate more to the other man, y’know?”

“You’re a top now, that’s what you’re saying?” The question is genuine, but not even Peter himself can’t help but laugh along with his dad when he realizes how simplified it was.

“I guess there’s also that, but...” The man takes a long breath, his face clearly showing he is trying to pick just the right words. “The thing is that... The things those men said to me... Now I prefer to say than to hear them. You know what I mean?”

“So... You’re a dominant, is that it?” There could have been some laughing again, since it was also apparently simplifying Tony’s answer, but the man just stared at him for a few seconds, almost admiring his words.

“Well, yeah... I didn’t know you knew what a dominant is, but yeah, that is what I mean, I guess. But also I’m just a very different person overall.”

“How do I know what I am?”

“Well...” There are butterflies in his stomach, and he tries not to think about how good his father’s thighs are as pillows. “When you watched those videos, did you like to hear what those men said? Do you, well, wish they were being said to you?” 

Cheeks turn bright red immediately. “Yeah.” It’s almost nothing, and his dad has to make a questioning sound to get a clear and louder version. “I think I did, yeah.”

“Well, that means you’re probably a submissive. But, like I said, those things can change with time. I used to enjoy those things being said to me, but now I prefer to say them. You’re too young to know for sure what you prefer, anyway, Pete.” He hopes ‘those things can change with time’ would include his taste for his own father’s sex-tapes.

“I’m really sorry, dad. I should never have watched them.”

“It’s okay, Pete, it’s okay. You’re a kid, you’re supposed to be curious about that kind of stuff. Do you... Do you have any other questions about them?”

“When was the one with uncle Bruce filmed? And who was the long-haired dude?”

“Oh, you do. Was hoping we could wrap things up. Okay, um...” He motions to Peter to get up, which he does, sitting on the couch like his father, heart beating fast.

“The one with uncle Bruce… Do you like that one?” He shyly nods, feeling even more gross, but...

But, ugh, that one was definitely his favorite one. He loved when those men called his dad the filthiest names - but that one was completely different, and so much better. Tony sets up the camera, eyes dark in lust and smirk on his lips, then turns on his back and drops to his knees and sucks Bruce dry. Once, twice, thrice, in twenty minutes. The simple image of the man adjusting his glasses while looking down to his father, shaking and trembling and whimpering for some reason, had powered many of his late-night jack offs.

His father lets out a long breath, but Peter can’t tell if it’s good or bad. The thought of ‘is he disgusted again?’ nearly brings tears to his eyes.

“Yeah, that is indeed a good one...” Like they’re talking about pizza toppings, not the man’s own sex-tapes. His dick is spasming and growing and redning, and he wonders if his father’s eyes are actually going from his face to his cock or if that’s his horny, gross imagination. “Do you know why uncle Bruce was crying like that?”

After some moments of nervous silence, he shakes his head, swallowing hard and waiting to see what his father is up to. “Do you want to find out?”

There’s another nod, but never a sound — Peter's mind is turning on itself, really. It hits him: his father, at that moment, was hitting on him. Without a doubt. And, with that question, his cock can’t get any harder. The image of him trembling and moaning while Tony works on his cock like the hungriest, meanest slut hits him like a truck, turning his cheeks bright red.

“Say it, then. Say that you want daddy to suck you off.”

Despite the request of a confirmation still in the air, his father is sliding down to his knees, and he can’t breathe for a second. He doesn’t say it, but he spreads his legs. He doesn’t say it, but he bites his lips. And then he says it, voice shaking more than uncle Bruce. “I want daddy to suck me off, please.” The ‘please’ was out of habit, and he would have laughed for it, if his father wasn’t about to give him the very first blowjob of his life.

His dick was standing nearly straight by now, hardened by his father’s words, and yet Tony’s big hand wrapped around it like it was a pencil. It was so agonizingly slow, but oh so fucking good. Up and down, up and down, always with a twist of his wrist — he wasn’t sure if he was wanting to scream in pleasure because it was someone else, or because it was his father, or really just because that technique was better than his basic quick-up-&-down-strokes-until-he-cums one. Probably all three.

Some more seconds of only masturbating, and his father’s lips were approaching his crotch. Tender kisses to his thighs, which felt both burning erotic and way too intimal (like when a whore has sex, but doesn’t kiss a client), and his father’s eyes are staring into his soul, but he doesn’t pay it much attention. He can deal with his soul later.

“Should I talk like them?” It clearly takes a few seconds for Tony to understand, and he’s scared he’s ruined the moment. “The men, on the videos?” And his father looks up to him, grinning like the devil.

“No...” A long, wet, epically slow lick to his cockhead has him squiming his hips forward for more, but his father doesn’t allow it. “But tell me, Pete, do you want daddy to make this little dick of yours warm?” Oh. That’s right. He was Tony in the videos, and Tony were those men. So he was the little whore, the cockhungry slut, and the fucking faggot — even if he was the one being sucked off. And that thought almost made him cum on the spot.

He didn’t know if Tony would wait for his confirmation this time, but he gave it immediately, nodding quickly, eyes closed in desperation and need. And so, he can’t see when his dad places his mouth around his throbbing dick, but he lets out a moan nearing a scream, and the edge is so close.

The mouth worked up and down his shaft, making lewdy, wet sounds all the way, and Peter looks to the edge he’s being pushed to. This feels so good, he doesn’t want to fall in yet. “Yeah, oh, dad…” He wasn’t required to make those noises, they come from somewhere between his very soul and his genitals.

But it doesn’t last one minute, and he’s being pushed off the edge, falling into the delicious, bright abyss, and screaming all the way down. When he opens his eyes, Tony's face is painted with his seeds, and seeing that is a thousand times hotter than watching any of those videos could ever be. In fact, one second of that blowjob was hotter than any of his thousand hours of jerking off to those videos.

“Oh, that was a lot, Pete.” He could get hard just from watching his father cleaning his hand, sucking the cum out of his fingers like it’s vanilla ice cream. Like giving his kid a blowjob is just his thursday.

“Yeah, I was, uh- I was jerking off for, like, two hours before, so, yeah, that’s why.” He wants to ask if that, the blowjob, will ever happen again (and also why dad isn’t cleaning his face), but knows he shouldn’t. This shouldn’t have happened, but he is so glad it did. “DAD, AH!”

Tony is back to sucking; and, instead of the blessing that was falling from that cliff, he’s falling from grace. It’s burning and cramping and hurting, and he is shaking and trembling and whimpering. Exactly like uncle Bruce.

“Please, dad, ah! It hurts, please!” It seems the more he tries to squirm away, the harder Tony sucks — for one second it hits that, perhaps, he is indeed sucking harder the more he struggles, perhaps he likes him to struggle, but that thought won’t make the cramps stop, so it’s of no real use for him. “Please, daaad!”

But, both as sudden as a lightning and as smooth as a cloud, the anguish leaves, and he is welcomed with another hard-on, and his hurt twitching and whimpering turns into jerking and asking for more. He now opens his eyes, but the sight of his father in his knees, looking deep into his eyes with a pulsating cock in his mouth takes all of his air away, so he closes them again.

He feels proud of passing the one minute mark, but it’s just some more minutes until the gagging sounds and the slick warmness take him down the marvelous cliff once again. There’s more of his semen on his dad’s face, but it seems like just when he's done squirting cum out, he’s falling from Mount Olympus for the second time, and it might be worse.

The cramps return with all force, drowning him in ache, all throughout his legs and his wrists and his elbows — and he can’t wait for the sweet release of sudden pleasure, but it doesn’t seem to be coming. He gives in to begging, “Dad, dad, please stop, please, ah!” And it still doesn’t come for what feels like days on end.

There’s tears falling down his cheeks, and he is grabbing the couch so hard it might break his fingers. His cock is getting hard again — but none of the sweet pleasure that came the first two times hits him, the cramps never go away. He continues to beg and cry and ask, until he comes again, and this time he realizes no more jizz really comes out. He doesn’t even open his eyes, waiting for the ache again, until his father speaks.

“Already dry, kid?” That’s when he allows himself to wake up, and is faced with the man’s face covered in his own cum. There’s quite a nice amount on his forehead and his right cheek. His nose, left cheek and goatee also have some of his liquid, and he thinks one of the eyes is red-ish, so he guesses some landed on there too. “Wanna clean me up or should I?”

He gives no response, breathing deeply from both relief and tiredness. His eyes are starting to weigh, and Tony must have taken it as a no. If he wasn’t so done with the cliffs and the edges for tonight, the sight of his father brushing his cum to his mouth and licking his lips and fingers clean of it like it’s vanilla — that would definitely get him hard. “You know why uncle Bruce was like that?”

Just a tired nod, and he’s dozing away. “You were even prettier than him...”

Just a warm smile, and he’s nearly gone. “Hope you don’t mind me recording it...”

Just a pair of closing eyes, and he’s done, but- “Maybe later I’ll explain the Bucky one to you…”

[thiswasinevitableid]

Laying in Wait (Indruck)

The prompt for the third was:Legend of Hag Hill

When you’ve lived somewhere your whole life, you develop one of two relationships with local legends: complete and utter belief, or the belief that the legend is utter bullshit. 

For Duck, Hag Hill is solidly in that second category. Weird lights, sudden, disorienting fog, ghostly laughter; he’s hid out on the hill smoking or making out or killing time and never seen any of it, no matter how dark the sky is when he’s there. 

He’s here for a slightly new reason tonight, as some kids from his Comp 101 class at Kepler Community College asked if he wanted to hang out and pull some mild pranks on the hill. Sure, hardly anyone comes on it this time of year, because Halloween looming on the horizon always gives the tales about the hill more substance in people’s minds. He mentioned this, hoping he could sway them towards a night at the Wolfe Bar and Grille or maybe just chilling in someone’s apartment or dorm, rather than freezing their asses off on a hillside, but they all insisted. So here they’ve sat, for over an hour, under a midnight moon, with not a soul passing by.

Then again, what else would he be doing? Sitting in his shitty apartment, swearing at the heater and watching some late night, bargain bin movie? The only thing he likes doing at home he can do here. Well, kind off. Odds are the other guys would complain if he started jerking off. 

See, there’s this guy in his entomology class. Tall, with a weird face and a weirder demeanor, and only taking the class because he needs to fulfill his breadth requirements. He sits at the back next to Duck, didn’t say a word to him until two weeks ago, when he asked if Duck would help him study for the upcoming quiz. Duck assumed it was because he was the closest person to ask, but once they sat down in the coffee shop on H Street, it became clear that Indrid, his new study buddy, had another reason.

“Thank you for agreeing to help me. You, ah, you clearly know your stuff.”

“How the fuck can you tell?” He barely spoke in class. 

“I see you filling in the slides with the correct answers well before the professor says them. You know some of this already.”

“You gotta know a decent amount about bugs if you wanna work for the forest service.” He mumbles, bracing for the Smokey the Bear joke.

“Oh! Oh of course, that makes perfect sense. I imagine invasive species, and symbiotic ones, are of interest in that field.”

They hadn't gotten to the notes for the quiz, because Duck got going about invasive insects, which lead to a discussion of moths, which lead to Indrid showing him his Deaths Head Moth tattoo, proudly explaining he’d designed it himself. They met at the cheap Chinese buffet the next night, and did actually study between trading stories about how they came to be in Kepler. Indrid laughed at once point, dyed-silver hair catching the warm light in the dim room, and Duck suddenly found that strange face strangely handsome. 

It’s nice to have a crush, it’s been awhile since he had one on a guy who might one day reciprocate. He’s pretty sure Indrid’s been checking him out this week. It’s hard to tell with those red glasses he wears. 

“Fucking finally.” Colton, he’s pretty sure that’s the guys name, shushes them into position, shattering Duck’s fantasizing.

“Can’t believe he fell for it.” Says the guy next to Duck

“I’m a pretty smooth talker when I wanna be” Colton whispers. 

Duck suddenly has a bad feeling about this, tries to back up only to snap a stick and have Colton grab his arm. 

“Hello?” A voice carries from the other side of the outcropping of grey stones. 

“What the fuck man, let go.” Duck hisses, leaves rustling under his feet.

“I really hope that is a deer.” The voice mutters.

“Now.” Colton pops up, dragging Duck with him, all the boys letting out their most blood-chilling screams.

There’s a responding yelp, followed by a cry of pain as their victim falls backwards into bramble. Duck recognizes the pink and yellow sweater as soon as he sees it, and his heart tries to crawl out his toes when the frightened gaze lands on him.

“You get it?” Colton looks to his left, where one of his friends is holding up his phone. 

“Yep. Fuck, man, you really think we’d invite you to chill with us up here? You’re such a fuckin weirdo.”

Indrid doesn’t even look at the others, his eyes remaining on Duck.

“Is, is that what you truly think of me?” 

“Pfft, see, this is what I mean. That weird way of talking, those glasses, even heard you talking to yourself, which is even fuckin weirder than that thing you do with your hands.” 

Duck likes it when Indrid flaps his hands; it means he’s excited, and an excited, happy Indrid is a sight he’s rapidly grown to adore.

Without a word, he grabs the offending phone, deleting the video before the others register what's happening. 

“What the fuck?”

“You wanna see a funny prank? Fetch, dipshit” He hurls the phone as far as it will go, the others flipping him off and calling him every name under the sun as they run after it. 

Indrid is gone when he turns back, but he’s in time to see a flash of color disappear around the next curve in the trail. The taller man is picking thorns from his sweater, and freezes when he hears Duck’s footsteps. 

“I swear, if you try anything like that again, I will push you down the hill.”

“‘Drid” Duck reaches out, touching his arm to stop him, “I’m so fuckin sorry, I had no idea that’s what they were plannin, I thought we were hanging around to do some silly jumpscare on anyone walkin by, not that they fuckin lured you out here.”

Indrid is clearly contemplating pushing him down the hill anyway. 

“C’mon, I’m tellin the truth. Remember what happened the last time I tried to lie?”

The other man blinks, then snickers, “Ah yes, the abysmal attempt to blame cockroaches for your missing homework.”

“I’m still real fuckin sorry. And, uh, I deleted the video. Hope that phone broke on the rock when I threw it.”

Indrid raises an eyebrow, “Valiant.”

“Hush, I’m tryin to help.”

“I know.” He grins a little wider, “it's a pity, I’ve never lived in a place with a haunted hill before. I was looking forward to observing it with friends.”

“Eh, you ain’t missin much. Place is about as haunted as my apartment.”

Indrid elbows him playfully “Come now, don’t ruin my fun. Is it true people have seen strange lights?”

“That's what they say.”

“And that you get lost in a fog never to be seen again.”

“It's a tiny hill in the grand scheme of things. Hard to get that lost. Uh, where are you goin, by the way?”

“Back to my car.”

“But the parking lot’s-” he turns, finds  low, thick fog behind him, “thataway?”

“I thought it was this--oh, oh dear.” The fog is all around them, seeping into Duck’s skin.

“Okay, uh, well, we now it’s at the bottom of the hill, so all we gotta do is follow the slope.”

“...What slope?”

“The fuck?” The ground is flat, no matter how far he feels out with his feet.

“I propose we keep walking until we either get out of the fog or find the road.” He seems incredibly calm. 

“Good, uh, good plan.” He falls in just behind him, keeps his ears open for cars or other signs of life. He’s starting to worry, gets so distracted by it that he collides with Indrid’s back.

“Duck, are the lights associated with Hag Hill red and orange, by chance?”

“Yep.”

Indrid points to where two lights hover in the distant, dark fog, like the eyes of a waiting beast. 

“Well, fuck.”

“Run!” Indrid shoves him back the way they came, sprinting behind him on his long legs. It isn’t even two minutes before they hit a dead end.

“What the fuck, this cliff bit is on the other side of the fuckin hill from where we were!”

“Somehow I doubt the spirits care where we began, merely where we end up. Quickly, down here.” He tugs Duck behind a large, dying tree, the two of them huddling close together. 

“Dare I ask what happens to people who see the lights?”

“Never seen again.”

A bitter chuckle, “of course.” Indrid scrubs his hands up his face, tilting his glasses up as he does. Then he hisses, “Ouch, damn it all” and pulls a thorn from his finger, “gah, it still stings.”

“Here, lemme see.” Duck gently takes his wrist, “huh, yeah, looks like you got it, so at least it ain’t gonna fester. As for the sting..” Quickly, he dips his head and kisses the skin. Looks up to find Indrid blinking his brown eyes in confusion.

“What was the purpose of that?”

“To, uh, to make you feel better?”

“Are you trying to flirt right now?”

“No, uh, fuck, uh, I mean, I, uh, fuck, Indrid, if we’re gonn get eaten by ghosts or some shit, there’s somethin I wanna do.” 

With that, he grabs Indrid’s forearms and pulls him forward, kissing him. Indrid sighs against his lips, then hums happily as Duck works his way into his lap. He growls a little and Indrid shivers, breaks the kiss to nip and kiss at his neck while Duck brings his fingers up to his mouth, kissing his knuckles before drawing the pricked finger between his lips and sucking.

“Duck” Indrid purrs, nuzzling his cheek.

“Right here, darlin.”

Chills skitter up his spine and Indrid goes dead still in his arms, eyes wide as they stare over his shoulder. 

“Oh dear, our apologies young gentlemen.” The red light forms into a woman as it speaks, the orange light doing the same. Both are dressed like they belong at  a living history museum.

“Yes, we did not know you were lovers. Those for whom our hill was meant.”

“Your hill? But don’t that make you-”

“Hags? Yes, by the language of our fellow townspeople, we were such things due to our magic.”

“I lost my life to them.” The orange-eyed sighs.

“And I mine avenging her. They buried us here, unmarked, not knowing it had always been our favorite space. A space we wished to be for others in love, in our absence.”

“I’m sorry they were so cruel to you.” Indrid says softly. 

“In the end we triumphed, our love stronger than death. We live eternally in our beloved hill, they rest uneasy and miserable in their graves.” Red eyes waves her hand, and the fog clears.

“There is your way to town, should you wish to depart now.” Orange eyes smiles, “and if you wish to tarry, around that bend you will find a place better made for privacy.”

“Thats’, uh, that’s mighty generous of you, but I’m gettin cold.”

“And I ought to check on my rats.” Indrid stands, helping Duck up before bowing a bit awkwardly, “thank you both for your, ah, help?”

The women share an enigmatic smile, and then they’re gone. 

“Let’s get the fuck outta here.”

“Agreed.” 

As they wind their way down to the parking lot, Indrid looks at Duck shyly, “Was your desire to kiss me purely near-death experience related?”

“Nope. Been thinkin about it all week. You, uh, wanna go on a date this weekend? One with less fog and mortal terror?”

“I’d be delighted.” They reach Indrid’s beat-up compact, “would you like a ride home?”

“Sure, thanks ‘Drid.” 

Indrid opens his door, then pauses, fingers drumming on the car, “or you could, ah, could spend the night at my place?”

Maybe it’s a leftover adrenaline rush, or maybe it’s just Indrid, but Duck’s suddenly feeling pretty damn brave.

“Hell yeah, darlin. Let’s go.”

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #438

“i won’t let you die, keep you alive just to remind you of what you are not”

What is your favorite card game? Probably Magic: The Gathering, even though I'm not great at it. I just ADORE the artwork, mainly. Is YouTube one of your favorite websites? Yeah, given I'm constantly on it. Does your mother have a sister? If so, what’s her name? Yeah, named Kelly. What are you doing tomorrow? I'll be going with Mom to the pool at the gym. She goes Tuesdays and Thursday, so I'm going to start joining her to help ease soreness from my exercise days. Would you ever want to go to Africa? It's high on my bucket list! I am DESPERATE to visit the KMP and photograph and pet and pamper the meerkats. :') Last time you went bowling? Not since I was on a date with Girt. Would you ever want to own a bakery? Noooo, I don't enjoy cooking of any sort. I'm way too impatient. Do you like to text? It's funny, I don't enjoy it as much as I used to. I make typos too much and autocorrect only wants to work at the WRONG time, it seems. I'd still rather text than actually talk on the phone, though. You want your next pet to be what? To be realistic, it'll probably be a western hognose snake. I REALLY want a tarantula, but Mom absolutely will not allow it for as long as I live with her, lol. Trust me, I've pestered her about it. Would you rather be a vampire or a mermaid? Eh, probably a vampire. Do you prefer white or black electronics? Black. Do you like Nerds candy? Yeah. Is your favorite animal something you can have as a pet? I could write a college-length essay on why you absolutely shouldn't, but it's sadly legal in some countries. Thankfully, not America. What was the last classic novel you read? Did you enjoy it? Oh yikes, I have no idea. Name three movies which have a soundtrack you really love: Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron, Tarzan, and The Blair Witch Project: Book of Shadows. What’s the scariest video game you’ve ever played? I know it's super cliche, but I genuinely found Outlast terrifying. As well, SCP Containment Breach is a game I can't even play because the jumpscares startle me too much, lol. They're just too loud. Do you own any pet fish? What kind of fish are they? No. I'm not really interested in keeping fish as pets. What is the most irritating thing that a boyfriend or girlfriend has ever done to you? Tyler wanted to talk CONSTANTLY. Barely even two weeks in and he got all bent out of shape over there being days we just didn't text. Like dude, especially this early in a relationship, I don't want to talk 24/7. He acted like we were together for years or some shit. Like sorry I want alone time. That relationship was just a bad idea. Have you ever known someone who was in an abusive relationship? Sadly. Out of all of your friends/relatives, who would you say has the best vocabulary? Probably Girt. He's just in general very smart. When yawning, do you cover your mouth? If out in public, yes. If you had a garden, what would you plant in it? Would you actually tend to it, or would it wind up neglected & withered? I could NEVER maintain a garden, but if I had the motivation and tolerance for the heat, that'd be nice. I'd love mostly flowers, and a grapevine would be pretty! Plus some strawberries. Do you like peanut butter? Yeah, definitely. What about marshmallows? Yep. How do you roast your marshmallows? They have to be BARELY brown at all. Like it has to be the liiightest toast. Do you eat s’mores? Ugh, hell yes. I really want some now, thanks. Own a lava lamp? No, but I'd love a pink one. :( Or black. Own any sort of glow-in-the-dark room accessory? No. Ever done something sexual in public? No, I have common decency. Do you like the taste of squid or eel? I COULD FUCKING NEVER TRY EITHER. Slimy or rubbery stuff like that is such a massive no. Ever date anybody in middle school? Yeah, Aaron in the 7th grade for a few months. Did you like to get dirty when you were little? I think I did. Like I know I loved speeding through mud puddles on my bike as a kid. Own anything that has to do with dragons or unicorns? I have a lot of dragon decor. Ever wanted to be a vet? Yep. Ever written your number in a public bathroom or a school text book? If so, did anyone actually call you? No. What type of weapon do you prefer? Uh, none...? I don't like weapons. Is there something that you haven’t told anyone that you actually would like to tell someone? No, not really. Would you rather watch a full season of American Idol, or So You Think You Can Dance? The latter, by far. I used to love that show. I really enjoy watching dances. Have you ever worn boxers? Pretty sure no? Last hickey was from? I've only gotten to that point with one person, you can figure it out. Have you ever put a kick me sign on the back of someone? No, that is so rude. Are there any inappropriate pictures of you anywhere? No. I've never taken an inappropriate picture. How many times do you tend to sneeze in a row? Two or three. Karma; believe or don’t? I don't believe it's a thing. I wish it was. Ever changed a diaper? Once. Or maybe twice? No plans on ever doing that again. When you see anything smaller than a quarter on the ground, do you pick it up? I don't even pick quarters up, really. Can bald guys ever be attractive? Um, yes? Do you like hugs? Yessss. Would you ever donate blood? Yeah, I have before. I'd just have to get better about drinking water so I don't faint. Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth? No. Ever had the opposite sex over when no one was home? You make that sound so scandalous, lmao. Yeah. What is the last song to make you cry? "Another Life" by Motionless In White. Have you ever kissed someone in the rain? Yeah. Have you kissed someone with braces? No. Are you anyone’s first love? I don't believe so. Anything happen to you within the past month that made you really happy? I'M LOSING WEIGHTTTTTT. :') The gym is paying off! Is there a person of the opposite gender on your mind? That's kinda a permanent thing. He's always there, even if only in the back. Who was the last person to wink at you? My cat, ha ha. Did you parents know what gender you were before you were born? Yes. Are any of your really close friends pregnant right now? REALLY close friends, nope. Are you for or against inter-racial relationships? ... You know it's 2021, right???? This never should have been controversial. Have you ever been addicted to something unhealthy? Well, there's caffeine... When the holidays come around, do you watch holiday movies? No. When was the last time someone insulted you? What was the insult? I don't recall. Do you say “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas” in order to avoid offending people who don’t celebrate Christmas? I honestly just say "merry Christmas." Have you ever made/played with a sock puppet before? Yes. Have you ever seen a waterfall (aside from in a fountain or other manmade things)? Only small ones. Are you a frequent sufferer of heartburn? Yes; I actually have a prescription for chronic heartburn. If I don't take it, I'll get heartburn to the point I come near tears. How many different colleges have you gone to? Three. How much stress can you handle? Ha, not a lot at all. What is one thing you thought you’d never do but have done or are doing? I'm 25 and feel like I've just... wasted so much, and I continue to. I never thought I'd make it to this age and to have gone so short a distance in terms of being a successful adult. Have you ever disowned a friend or family member for their beliefs? I've stopped being friends with people, yes. Do you ever feel like your life is too boring or predictable? It 120% is. Do you think you will die happy? To be honest... I think no a lot of the time. Do you like looking at pictures? Yeah. Are you a submissive person? Very. Do you believe the dead can have connections with the living? I do. What are your views on the death penalty? I support it in extreme cases. Once you prove to be a thorough monster that deeply endangers other humans... you don't deserve life. We as a society have to work together, not destroy one another. Do you like horror movies? Why or why not? Yeah! I like the thrill of them. Would you ever be able to become a vegan? No; I am FAR too picky with my food. I want to be vegan, but I just wouldn't survive. What was your favorite toy as a child? I had a whole story based around some plastic dinosaurs, alligators, deer, and Pokemon figurines. Who was your first best friend? What is your favorite memory of/with them? Are you two still friends? Brianna. I don't know what my favorite memory is... We made a lot. We're Facebook friends, but we don't talk anymore. Would you rather hang out with someone who is always high or someone who constantly wants to get drunk all the time? High, I guess. Drunk people I think get sloppier and, in some cases, angry. The (few) high people I've been around have just been chill and friendly. How did you meet your newest friend? I'm not entirely sure who I consider to be my newest friend. The last time you kissed someone, were your arms around their neck? I don't think so? I'm pretty sure I was just hugging her around the waist. You have to get a facial piercing, what do you get? I've mentioned how I wanna get my nose re-pierced in multiple surveys. Do you straighten your hair? No. When is the next time you will see the person you like? Who knows, dude. I really want to be able to walk for two minutes without feeling like I'm dying before I go to an airport again, and even more importantly, even as a fully-vaccinated person, I want Covid to chill out before I travel again. And who the fuck knows when that'll be since people don't want to listen to goddamn professionals. Did you get to sleep in today? I actually slept through my alarm and was late to gym today. :x Your first dog? I was born into the family with a collie named Trigger, but she passed when I was a baby, so I don't have any memories of her. We got what I want to say was a Rottweiler mix named Angel at one point, who I consider our first family dog, but she was born with that disease that some puppies have where they just... die. Who I consider MY first REAL dog was Teddy. <3 Stood loyally by my side as my furry son and most devoted friend for around 13 years. Do you prefer mint, citrus, or cinnamon toothpaste? Mint. Are you one of those people who are always cold? No, I'm always hot. Have you done anything sneaky lately? No. Have you ever had feelings for someone and thought “This is the person I want to be with forever”? Yeah, twice. Do you keep notes, drawings or letters that people give you? Of course! Have you had a significant other that you never kissed? Well, boyfriends, but I wouldn't count the ones I haven't kissed as truly "significant other"s. Has anybody ever dated you only for your looks? I don't think so. Do you have any handshakes with anybody? Nah. What are you listening to? "Necessary Evil" by Motionless In White & Jonathan Davis. Would you take back your last boyfriend/girlfriend? Yeah. Who is your favorite band? How long have they been? Ozzy Osbourne. Since middle school. Who is your favorite author? I don't have a fave. Do you like cheesecake? BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH- How did you meet the last person you kissed? YouTube, back when it had more social aspects. Do you wake up cranky? Not usually, no. I'm actually in my best mood in the morning. Have you ever met your favorite band/singer? No, but holy fuck would that be awesome. I want to thank him for his music so badly. Do you have a good relationship with your parent(s)? Yeah. Has the last person you kissed ever been to your house? My old house, yes, but not this one. Do chickens have feelings? Yes. Have you ever been to a spa? Yeah, even though I really wasn't interested. I just went with Colleen because she invited me. I appreciated her wanting to hang out and include me of course, so I was happy to go, but it's not something I'd do of my own volition. The last time you were in the fridge, what were you looking for? The lemonade. Favorite South Park character? I don't have one, given I'm not interested in the show. How often do you have to shave? When/where I shave grows back FAST, so frequently. Ever go ghost hunting? No but omg I'd love to. Someone date me just to go do this together one night lmao. Do you have any family in the military? No. Can you talk to your mother about most things? I know I CAN talk to her about absolutely everything, but I don't always. Would you ever homeschool your children? If they wanted it and it'd be beneficial to their health and educational success, then yes. Are you afraid of change? Oh boy, am I. Who’s your favourite character from one of your favourite books? I'll go with The Outsiders, in which case I remember it was Dally.

[heart-motif-moved]

Begin Statement.

Pairing(s): Jonathan/Sam

Word count: 1,511

A/N: This is my first time writing for TMA! I hope it's good; might end up making more of these! Feedback appreciated very much!

Reblogs also appreciated ; this took a LONG time!!

There was a new guy.

Sam always knew whenever they hired someone. They didn't let it get to them - better to hide between the shelves that pierced their ghostly form in a way they never quite got used to than attempt to spook the workers and have someone excorcise them. A book or two dropped on the heads of the employees who disturbed their archive? Clearly an accident. No outside forces here.

And there was a new guy.

This really hadn't meant much, and if it had bothered them... well they'd just be on the more mischievous side, wouldn't they? They were subtle enough that the people there'd be none the wiser.

The new guy - oh, Sam wished they knew his name, but no one thought to notify the secret resident ghost - the new guy was apparently an archivist. Sam hadn't known the last archivist; in fact, they've only inhabited the building for a month or so. If he was an archivist... that meant he'd be around Sam a lot more than the other employees, right?

The pale indigo ghost flitted through a dense section of the archive (disorganized as everywhere else, but the pages strewn about the dusty shelves were comforting). They weren't able to turn invisible or anything close, save from hiding in the floors or walls. Was it only a matter of time until their discovery?

They twisted around to face the ceiling, a low grumble in their throat. What were they to do? They liked the archives, they weren't ready to just up and leave if new guy found them.

A pale blue hand absentmindedly began to tap on the old oak shelf beneath them.

They didn't want to leave. Tap tap tap tap. New guy would almost certainly find them eventually. Tap tap tap tap. As far as they knew, the people here didn't like "malevolent" spirits. Tap tap tap ta-

Oh! They sat up quickly, firmly merging their head into the ceiling. Ew.

They removed their head from the aforementioned ceiling, beginning to string a little plan in their mind. Sam wasn't a malevolent spirit by any means; why, they hardly ever threw books at people! If they could befriend new guy... they'd surely be allowed to stay! Plus they'd gain a friend! It's a win-win.

Well... 'No,' they thought, shaking their head. Sam was sure he'd be nice, and she was sure-er that she was a pleasant person to be around, spirit or otherwise!

Her thoughts were cut off by the creaky opening of the old oak doors, echoing throughout the older archives - oh, was that him? Sam could learn more about him, she realized, sitting up quickly.

...As soon as she got her head out of the ceiling.

---

Sam floated through the walls, as uncomfortable as they were, occasionally peeking out to see where she was going - and, more importantly, keep an eye on the new guy... Jonathan. She resisted the urge to test the name on her tongue, the echoing nature of the archives waiting to betray her at the slightest of noises.

No, instead she floated through the walls in hopes of gaining a better view. They hadn't actually seen him properly yet, apart from the back of his head and a little nametag. 'Jonathan.' They resisted again to say it aloud - being on the more vocal side didn't seem to mix well with being a ghost, although they did tend to stay silent until getting to know someone.

When they were alive enough to meet people, at least.

They shook their head. Not the point right now! Figuring out how to approach Jonathan despite her non-aliveness and his very much-aliveness was the main issue.

Sam poked out of the wall again, partially hidden behind a bookshelf filled with dusty, unkempt files, hands gripping the shelves for purchase she didn't need.

Oh. Oh he was pretty.

He seemed preoccupied with a laptop, brows furrowed, one hand tapping away at the keyboard and another tangled in his dark hair. Somehow he hadn't noticed the now bright pink ghost just barely hidden by a few shelves. They sunk into the floor, waiting for him to finish... whatever it was he was doing.

She crept closer. As it turned out she had no plan, and was still unsure how to aproach him short of a 'boo'.

...Well, it would fit, wouldn't it? One little jumpscare. A common icebreaker. Probably.

"Useless thing," he grumbled, apparently fed up with the now closed laptop. Sam liked his voiced a normal amount. He placed the laptop aside, instead looking over some old files, probably taken from the archives.

Sam sank deeper into the floor. They did not want to stay and wait for him to finish whatever was in those files, as nice as his face looked as he was reading.

'Maybe I can just..?' She floated up beside him, reaching out and lightly, just barely tapping him on the shoulder. A grand reaction of brushing off his coat.

"Don't ignore m-" she slapped her hands over her mouth, but the whispered words had already tumbled out; Jonathan she spun in his little desk chair, wide, annoyed (and admittedly rather beautiful) eyes staring into her own, only slightly less corporeal ones. "Um.. hi, new guy!"

He adjusted his coat; was the shock of a ghost was already wearing off? "Who are you, entity?"

"Er." Though she felt more at ease around him (why, though? It was a question for another time), she wasn't used to talking so quickly after meeting - ghost or otherwise. "Ah, um, name's Sam." Great entrance. Sam just knew her head was pink.

Jon didn't seem to notice or care of her stuttering. "Hm. And you're a...?"

"Ghost."

"I was concerned that you'd say that."

"Oh." She sank a little where she floated. "Um-m, what's your, ah, name?"

He adjusted his glasses in a way that Sam would say she found cute, although that could apply to most of him. "Jonathan Sims, newest head archivist. Normally I'm... hesitant to accept the odd as supernatural in nature, but considering I'm under the influence of neither drugs nor alcohol and unstressed save for this laptop's refusal to cooperate," he took a moment to scowl at said laptop, "I feel it would be out of place to deny you without substantial evidence, especially considering my," he paused, glancing around the archive. "Occupation."

Sam felt a smile working onto her face. He seemed like the smart, sensible type. "I feel inclined to ask what you're doing here," he said.

Oh, oh, that's right! She could explain that she was nice (and she was, mischief excluded), and then she could stay! Probably! Maybe! "I'm here because- ah, umm," she stumbled - she knew what she wanted to say, but the words tripped her up and left her with frustration.

Jon shifted, apparently getting comfortable. "Take as much time as you need," he hummed gently. Sam felt herself melt a little in a way that was most definitely normal. She took a breath, slowly and carefully explaining that she didn't haunt a particular place or thing or person, instead seemingly able to wander as freely as she'd like - though she found comfort and safety among physical knowledge, carefully written and carelessly stored in the shelves of the archives.

Sam had stumbled over her words a little - a lot, actually - but Jon, despite a colder introduction, was gentle and patient in a way that she wasn't used to, as though he was happy to wait for her instead of feeling obligated or annoyed.

"So, uh, like- don't make me leave, maybe?"

Jon put a hand on his chin. "The nature of these archives is to catalogue and, in some cases, investigate into accounts of the unusual and out-of-place occurrences... regardless, it seems, of veritability." He seemed frustrated at that, and like so much of him, it made Sam's... well. It made where her heart used to be flutter. "So, it seems only natural - and, perhaps," he smiled just a little, "lucky, even, that you've found yourself residency in the archives."

"Oh, okay," she breathed. She was... never great at expressing gratitude. Jon... seemed to understand, though. He held a hand out towards her, smile gone, though he still had an air of gentleness and care. "Allow me to reintroduce myself, now that we've established that. I am Jonathan Sims, and, as you know, head archivist of the Magnus Institute."

She took his hand, aware of how warm and nice it felt, uncomfortably aware of her ghostly form creating small heart shapes, mostly focused around her head, which was also now a stark pink against her normally indigo frame. "N-nice to meet you, uh, properly, then," she mumbled, hopeful that he'd simply ignore or pass off the odd effects as normal for her.

Jon, ever the scientific type (she assumed at least), did not do that; he seemed enraptured by the phenomena, watching the shapes grow as he brushed her hand lightly against his lips.

"Likewise."

[punkscowardschampions]

Liam & Edie

Liam: I dunno how to thank you for the surprise 🎁 as it’s still giving

Liam: what’s her fave scary movie? I never did get as far as jumpscares and chill

Edie: I wish I coulda taken 🧨 to her for you, see if she melted cool too

Edie: All I know is she hasn’t learnt a single thing from any of ‘em, which is unsurprising

Edie: Curtains open? ✔️ Door unlocked? ✔️ Home alone? ✔️

Edie: She should know only virgins survive 💀

Liam: asking for it from her hairsprayed roots to her painted toenails

Liam: but I left her standing for the 6 sequels

Edie: ☢️ fumes makes it even more of a shame

Edie: and that for her, alive, but at what cost

Liam: the twins play with dolls? you could melt her lookalike for me

Edie: I knew you’d like it

Liam: I like that she thinks it was me, that I’ve ever cared

Edie: Yes, you’ve really been biding your time in the shadows 🧛‍♂️

Liam: what shadows, you’re lighting everything up 🔥🎇🎆

Edie: That’s you

Edie: literally and you know, gay shit 😳

Edie: How’d I miss you, when did you drop the box off?

Liam: when I sent you hunting, in case the gay shit was turning too hardcore

Edie: Was it?

Liam: not for me

Edie: not for me

Edie: I’ve not stopped thinking about you since we met

Edie: as you can see

Liam: numbers don’t lie, you’ll see I’ve been listening to your tracks since you sent them

Edie: If I sing loud enough will you come find me

Liam: if I don’t show up rapid enough would you lose your voice

Liam: before that happens I wanna hear the thoughts you’ve been having

Edie: If that happened, I think I could still show you

Liam: what you could do is where my thinking stops

Edie: What are you doing today

Edie: Thinking is overrated

Liam: my dad unlocked his memories of me and wants to make more

Edie: Great timing

Edie: Is he at least taking you bowling?

Edie: The single dad’s first and last idea of what to do with their kids to seem ‘fun’

Liam: was about this time last year, scrolling back

Liam: he’s taking me ⛺️

Edie: Thank God for campfires

Edie: don’t forget your 🔦 for the scary stories

Liam: and the faked found footage

Liam: don’t forget about me

Edie: It IS a great location, give him that, but I’d need an invite for top marks

Edie: I couldn’t

Edie: How are you feeling about it though, really

Liam: scary stories do start with 🚗 and you’d fit in the boot easy

Liam: how long can you hold your breath?

Edie: [send a video as you did with the staring contest]

Edie: I’ll find the nearest body of water and work on it

Liam: long enough to fool him, but I’m not gonna tell you not to play dead in your 🛁 like a killjoy

Edie: What else can I do in your absence?

Edie: we’ll be having about as good a time as each other, that’s something

Liam: to Alexis or to me

Edie: Both if I do it right

Liam: how extra she is will make up for everything I’m not

Edie: you are everything

Edie: sorry

Liam: only from behind a lens or a screen, sorry

Liam: take away the sfx and yeah, we’ll be having as good a time as each other

Edie: Are you afraid?

Liam: I’m not anything, that’s what I’m trying to get across to you

Liam: you’ve got killer eyes with so much behind them, I don’t

Edie: There’s something

Edie: here, between us, even if it’s not of us

Edie: it’s real, we should follow it ‘til it isn’t

Liam: 🦎🧠

Liam: reflex behaviours ain’t enough for someone as braindead as Lex

Liam: you’re smart

Edie: they’re enough for me

Liam: if I had anything to give you, I would

Edie: I don’t want anything

Edie: I’m not like her

Edie: Whilst you’re around, I want to be around too, that’s it

Edie: you don’t have to do or be anything, I swear

Liam: I want to want things

Liam: but I don’t have the cheat codes for 🐒🧠

Edie: However small that bit of you is, it clearly exists, to even want it at all

Edie: I have nothing to lose with trying with you

Liam: yours is massive

Edie: I’m younger, there’s time for my hope to die

Liam: I’m not letting that happen

Edie: Protect me

Edie: and let me try for you

Liam: I have nothing to lose, already lost it

Edie: has it always been like this or could you access 🐒🧠 before

Liam: my ma didn’t raise a 👶 psycho, I used to react normally to stuff

Edie: You could again then

Edie: not saying it’d be easy or any patronizing shit like that though

Liam: but are you saying you’ll help me or any gay shit like that

Edie: Yeah

Edie: don’t worry, my god complex won’t make it culty

Liam: offer it me and I’ll drink it

Edie: Going ‘round acting like my cunt is magical seems like a Lexie kind of move

Edie: Everyone else is boring, you’re not, and I’m not, if nothing else

Edie: I’ll be better company than her or KM or any other twat

Liam: it was, doing the most to make herself killable is her only move

Liam: but I couldn’t do it and you were already better company anonymously

Edie: She’s a grief thief

Edie: and I’m definitely doing more than call her next time

Liam: she don’t matter, it was never about her

Edie: no, ‘course not

Edie: it’s about you for me though

Edie: I’ll fuck up anyone you want

Liam: start with my dad and I can skip this guilt trip

Edie: Okay, let’s think

Edie: it wouldn’t take a lot, if he only manages once a year as an average

Edie: has he got a new missus?

Liam: she wasn’t his but he liked my sister more, thinking about it

Liam: not that I know about, maybe it’s how short he is

Edie: a kid that isn’t here is easier to love because there’s less to do, nothing to do now

Edie: you reckon he’d call it off for a potential hook-up then?

Edie: might be desperate

Liam: there’s no calling it off, he’s too scared of my ma still and she’s had these days circled and !!ed

Edie: She’ll fuck me up if I ruin your bonding sesh?

Edie: I could catfish her instead but how exciting can a middle-aged man ever feasibly be 🤔😒

Liam: big tesco is gone, how many other places do you wanna have to avoid

Liam: I know something else you can do for me

Edie: I’ll take my chances 👊

Edie: Go on

Liam: if you set up to record and I stream it as often as the fucked wifi will allow we can kid ourselves I’m at your window 👀

Edie: We’re definitely doing that

Edie: You have the best ideas, seriously

Edie: not knowing when you’re watching and what you’re gonna see… 🥴

Edie: mine isn’t as good but [one of the nights he’ll clearly be away like if not tonight, tomorrow or whatever] you should be able to see this comet really clear at [a time] we can watch together

Edie: I’ll take the stream outside

Liam: your idea overtakes mine by miles, I’ll lose my dad in the woods or something before then

Liam: and if he stays MIA I’ll try and call you, when you’re not busy talking to Lexie

Edie: There’ll be a pub or something nearby, failing that, find a high point and push, you can be back by the time he regains consciousness

Edie: I’ll leave her alone now, if you want

Edie: I just don’t like her for you

Liam: she’s not for me, you can have her to do what you want with until I get back

Edie: 😈

Edie: She’s not invited to that either but I’ve got some ideas

Liam: me too

Edie: Surprise or secret?

Liam: neither, I wanna spend time with you, in person

Edie: When are you back?

Liam: 4 days

Edie: 4 days, I can do that

Edie: just about

Edie: patience isn’t my strong suit but I’ve been waiting a lot longer to meet you, it feels like somehow

Liam: when he drops me off, I’m yours

Edie: You won’t regret it

Edie: Summers not over yet, there’s so much we can do

Liam: I won’t regret focusing on you instead of school either

Edie: School is a different kind of torture

Edie: at least now I can see you every day

Liam: torture walking away after I have seen you

Edie: I won’t make you

Edie: we can stick together

Liam: we will

Edie: I miss you

Edie: even though I’ve not actually met you in person yet, and you’re not gone either

Edie: still

Liam: [send her your own version of the staring contest footage like I’m going nowhere bitch]

Edie: There’s something behind them, I swear I can see it

Edie: Do you believe me?

Liam: I said I’d keep your hope alive

Edie: It’s okay if you don’t, I know my 👀 don’t deceive me

Liam: your eyes are something else, they’ll wear my zoom and pause out on this 📷

Edie: I wish I had the words to explain how you made me feel, and I could explain it so good that you could feel it back

Edie: because it feels really good

Liam: we’ve got time, for you to find words or show me without

Edie: if 🎇🎆 wasn’t so overdone

Edie: or maybe when you’re on a 🎢 the second you drop and it feels like the world has fallen out from under you and there’s nothing you can do

Liam: when you’re finally coming up after waiting twice as long as usual for the 💊 to kick in and thinking you got scammed

Edie: exactly like that, but you’ve just taken a 2nd and you know it’s going to get even more intense

Liam: I’ll hunt for 🍄 while I’m here, you trust me not to accidentally kill you, yeah?

Edie: I do

Edie: have you done lots of 🍄s?

Liam: made tea out of some but fuck all happened, they were probably from big tesco, I was younger and didn’t know anything

Edie: 😆

Edie: Me either, but more because my dad only deals in synthetic crap, not because I’m young and don’t know anything

Edie: not a total drug noob, only hold my hand if you want to

Liam: I only got them up bc my sister wanted to put a twist on the tea parties she forced me into as a 👶 I was a drug noob

Edie: How annoying they didn’t work, that would’ve been fun

Edie: maybe more for your sister than you but still

Liam: she was 💔 but it ended up being fun after I cheered her up with my 👒👙 recreation

Edie: How could that not cheer anyone 😅

Edie: when you’re back I’m gonna need to see that myself, honestly

Liam: I’m not gonna fit in the one from then, but I’ll be able to get another 👙 close match to the 👶 pic or show you the vid of us if not

Edie: I’d like to see it, I bet you were real cute kids

Liam: she was

Edie: do you have lots of videos of you guys as kids?

Liam: not really, either they didn’t want it to be like they were hoarding the happy shit for when she wasn’t here anymore, or they thought they wouldn’t have to bc there’d be loads more of it, I don’t know

Edie: Either makes sense, you’re not planning for that to happen and then I can see why you wouldn’t want to when it becomes apparent

Edie: I wish I’d known her more than just another face and name at school, she sounds cool

Liam: you can get to know her, from me picking up my first 📹 there wasn’t much that didn’t get videoed, it was how she wanted it

Edie: I respect it

Edie: and you do have a good eye, you made me look 🤩 from the most basic footage

Liam: you don’t need editing, but I was trying to show off to you

Edie: I thought you were impressive before that point, but it still worked

Edie: especially when most act like face-tuning a selfie is a great feat of skill

Liam: [a selfie facetuned to a pisstakey degree so it looks wild]

Edie: [very much imagining that pillow face filter/handsome squidward]

Edie: 😱 catfished again, gdi

Liam: this has to work, me and you meeting, I can’t rewind to before we talked as if we never have

Edie: There is no going back

Edie: It will work, we’ll make it

Liam: it gets thrown out casually and fucking constantly, but I haven’t found anyone like you before

Edie: It has to mean something that it was you, and me

Edie: it’s so improbable, and we could’ve gone our whole life living in the same place and not ever getting to know each other

Liam: it means I’m not letting go of this, it’s me and you now

Edie: I want that too, I need to

Edie: nothing else makes sense, it’s not complete, it’s not right, I don’t want it

Liam: even if I’m 🤖 I’ll be trying to override my shite programming, harder than I’ve done, to do this right

Edie: 🍄💊 aren’t the only things that can rewire us

Edie: I’m not going anywhere, I won’t leave you, even if it takes forever, even if it never happens

Edie: trying with you is better than feeling like a failure with anyone else

Liam: anyone who’s made you feel like a failure is getting worse than the Lexie treatment

Edie: we’ll make sure the school doesn’t find the hit-list 😏

Edie: it’s like, everyone is so comfortable, and they do the same boring shit every day and never get tired of it, but none of it fucking matters

Liam: 🏫🔥

Liam: I’m down to make everyone uncomfortable

Edie: They need it

Edie: not that they’ll appreciate it but that’s not the point

Edie: I wanna make you feel everything

Liam: you’re so alive, that’s the point for me

Edie: I can be that

Edie: and I can share

Liam: I wanna be a reason you are

Edie: I’m so mad at your dad, full offense

Liam: get in line, but cut in front of me so I can 👀 at you

Edie: You can do more than look when I’m really in front of you

Liam: I keep thinking about what happens if I can’t

Edie: There’s still things we can do

Edie: that only require you to want to

Edie: and you can tell me if you don’t

Liam: I don’t wanna tell you things that’ll make you feel bad

Edie: I don’t wanna make you feel bad either

Edie: or force you to do something

Liam: you won’t, I’m not 😡 at my dad for forcing me to do this instead of being there with you

Liam: block works for negative emotions too

Edie: Okay, but still, it’d make me feel bad if you felt like you were performing for me

Edie: we don’t want that

Edie: when we do meet, you control it, okay?

Edie: Do what feels right

Liam: no crap ARG acting, I can agree to not do that

Edie: Good

Edie: so, you leveled up with drugs, what about girls or did that first nightmare put you off fully

Edie: I mean like, do you hook up with people or is it all ❌

Liam: she put me off, or how desperately I could tell she wanted me to want her did, she’d touch me and nothing would happen and she’d look at me like 🥺

Edie: It’s pressure

Edie: but I don’t think any boy has met her expectations, judging by how fast she gets through them so

Liam: pressure I piled on myself in the first place, thinking about my sister and how nobody ever wanted to touch her, like it was catching or when the lad she was into wouldn’t ask her out and I asked him why and he admitted it was bc he was shitting himself she’d drop dead, so I thought I should, bc she wanted to live those cliches and fucking couldn’t, I don’t know

Edie: People are shit

Edie: they don’t do or say the right things and they can’t handle the stuff you and your sister had no choice but to

Edie: and it’s fucking unfair there’s so much stuff she wanted to do and didn’t get to

Edie: of course the weight of that is going to make that near impossible

Edie: it sounds horrible but you aren’t dying though, and neither am I

Edie: so make the list, see it through, but the pressure is off with time

Liam: r/emo teens would have a post like, we are both dying, just at a slower rate than her

Edie: 🙄 they can do one, I’m never dying

Liam: yeah, please don’t

Edie: I promise

Edie: my ma’s wife died and I can barely remember her but enough that it fucks with my head

Edie: like she was always there, and some memories I have, she would’ve been, and it’s like, fragments, if I try really hard

Edie: but it could all be made up, I don’t know

Liam: I remember her so vividly I think I know what she’d do or say if she was in memories she’s not, but do I

Liam: or am I just lying to myself bc she should be there and it’d be less shit if she was

Edie: You were close, you did know her that well, that’s obvious

Liam: maybe she’d wanna tell me I fucked it and not to do all the shit I’ve done with her name attached to it

Edie: maybe

Edie: but right or wrong you’re the one that’s here and still has to do shit

Liam: if she becomes a fragment to me I don’t wanna be here

Edie: I don’t know if it’ll happen, I don’t think so though

Edie: I was a toddler, you weren’t

Edie: you have more to keep hold of

Liam: if I live for 50 more years then I won’t, I’ll have new memories pushing out the old and outdated tech

Edie: You aren’t relying on just your 🧠

Edie: You have 📷🎞📹📼

Edie: and you can make that last forever

Liam: do you have that of your step-ma

Edie: Yeah, she was more camera-shy than my ma, but there’s still lots of it

Edie: and she’s everywhere, you know, throughout the house and stuff

Edie: memories are important but so are those more physical, tangible reminders

Liam: my ma’s kept her room but she don’t exist downstairs, as if the 🚪 is to a hidden level and you have to earn your way there 💎💰❤️

Edie: It’s good you have somewhere

Edie: and your memorial

Liam: you should meet me there, my house, on day 5

Edie: okay

Edie: 😍😸🤩

Liam: pick a time bc I’ve stolen the place

Edie: I just hope it’s a time you’re there and not just your ma because who knows how much of me will be left to come back to at that point

Liam: I’ll be there to protect you, get used to that

Edie: I’ll try my hardest but wow

Edie: Right now that still gets me so

Edie: I’ve never had this before but I love how it feels

Edie: As for a time how’s [a time so early to prove how badly and ASAP we wanna see him] or [a more socially acceptable suggestion] if not?

Liam: [soz to his mother but we are obvs picking the early af time and so soz to his dad too if it means he has to bring you back early] is cool with me

Edie: Serious?

Edie: I’ll see you then

Edie: should I wear something so your ma doesn’t hate me forreal though

Edie: 👒👗🥿

Liam: she’ll be happy I invited someone over, wear what makes you feel how you want to

Edie: 🎩🦺👙🧤🩰

Edie: Cool though, I’ll bake her something, tell me if she has any deadly allergies or hates now, like

Liam: 🚫👓🕶🥽🤿 I’d hate it

Edie: I know what you wanna see, don’t worry

Liam: everything

Edie: everything

Liam: ㊙️

Edie: 🎋

Liam: I wish you were here ​🌠​

Liam: I could be filming you instead of what’s going past the car window

Edie: definitely B-roll compared to me

Edie: but think of all the laughable monsters you can stick in the frame 🏞👹🏞

Liam: I’ll think of you laughing

Edie: I won’t use my wish on hoping you think about me then

Liam: unless there’s another specific thing you want me to imagine you doing

Edie: If I tell you now, you’ll know

Edie: you’ll have to tell me what you thought about when you get back instead

Edie: see if it came true

Liam: or I’ll show you when I get back, make it come true

Edie: that’d be a lot of wishes coming true

Liam: we’ve got a couple of weeks before summer ends

Edie: There is a lot we can do in a couple weeks

Liam: even more if we don’t waste time going back and forth between my house and yours

Edie: Another thing I can do before you get back

Edie: find somewhere to stay

Liam: you won’t even have time to feel tortured without me

Edie: and where’s the fun in that, right

Edie: you still need to hurry 😜

Liam: it’d be popular on the thread, beautiful girl in ⛓ but I’ve probably got competition enough from other lads with your tracks blowing up

Edie: you have literally no competition

Liam: I still need to hurry though 😏

Edie: only ‘cos I only want you and I’ll be lonely and bored

Edie: some of these dms could fuel an incel-gone-rogue storyline though, they wildin 😅

Liam: I’m about to subvert the cliche and make my dad turn the car round

Edie: + XP

Edie: power move on 💯

Liam: [sends her a virus or something] don’t click it, but do what you’ve gotta until it looks irresistible to the 👹

Edie: the sexy singles in MY area have prepared me for this moment

Edie: not to hit you with the 🥺 but you’re so sweet sorry

Liam: if Lexie’s denied me 🥺 off you forever, I’ll hit her with a 🔨

Edie: Tempting, very tempting

Edie: [showing him the bratz doll she’s found in some charity shop moment]

Edie: 🍀

Edie: If this works as a voodoo doll she’ll be 🥺 for the 🔨 by the end of today tbh

Liam: I’ll be 🥺 if you keep working this hard

Edie: gotta make you proud

Edie: also if I can find a way to get it into her house when I’m done fucking with it it’s game over 🤣

Liam: [tell her about some way that you sneaked in so her parents didn’t know about it when you were going out so she can use that]

Edie: [pretend we are not thinking about that lmao] 👍👍

Edie: you wouldn’t even need a ladder

Liam: don’t be upset

Edie: I’m not

Edie: you’ll sneak in my window soon

Liam: we’ll have a place of our own, just me and you

Edie: what do you want

Edie: town, country, cursed, uncursed

Liam: pick the 🏡 making you feel like you’re home and you don’t ever wanna go

Edie: 🥰

Edie: no spoilers whilst you’re away

Liam: 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Edie: don’t break my willpower I barely have

Edie: I wanna give you all the surprises and it might be a fixer-upper

Liam: I’ll stop testing you, I know you’re gonna pass

Edie: You don’t have to, I can take it, like

Liam: you’re gonna say no spoilers on how you’re gonna prove it and break the 🖤 I don’t have

Edie: Never

Edie: I don’t quite know what you want yet but I’ll do anything you ask, you can test that

Liam: you’ll do anything for me

Edie: I will

Edie: I’m probably not supposed to say that, right

Edie: but it’s true and you should know

Liam: abusing what you’ve said would fall into letting your hope die, which you know I’m not gonna do

Liam: you can trust I’ll keep you safe

Edie: I trust you

Liam: that’s what I want

Edie: 🌠🧚‍♀️

Edie: Does your da still live in Dubo?

Liam: Greystones

Edie: Fancy

Edie: Not going to find anything like that for us

Liam: a holiday cottage that’s empty’s easy pickings

Edie: let’s go

Edie: this place is trash

Liam: when school starts everyone’ll have gone out of them all

Liam: and most don’t change their alarm codes from the default

Edie: we’ll have the whole town to ourselves between 9-5

Edie: can we can we 😍😍

Liam: Yeah, if they’re not gonna treat them like somewhere they wanna be more than a week out of the year, why shouldn’t we

Edie: so wasteful

Edie: why would you even want that kind of money

Edie: I want what you said, somewhere that feels like home and you never wanna leave

Edie: no matter how nice the location or whatever else of anywhere else, home is still the best

Liam: it’ll be homey, how you said, things around that remind you of me and the memories we’ve made in it

Edie: It can all be real, can’t it

Liam: or pretend if you want 🏠🧸🎠🍭

Edie: I’m never opposed to pretending

Edie: it’s weird

Edie: I feel like I know what I want already but that’s a new thing

Edie: like a ⚡️ hit and everything makes sense now

Edie: maybe it’s superpowers

Liam: what else do you want

Liam: a garden to bury Lexie in and

Edie: obviously 😏

Edie: NOT a basement to bury the kids in though

Liam: they’ll be with us, getting their wellies on so they can splash in the massive puddles

Edie: and go rock pooling

Edie: and then take the dog on a massive walk so we can come home and fall asleep on the sofa in front of an old movie

Liam: you’ll be watching the movie I’ll be looking at you

Edie: but then I’ll look up at you

Liam: and we’ll both be thinking about how we’re gonna edit the footage from today bc we don’t wanna cut nothing out

Liam: except maybe the dog getting bullied by a 🦀

Edie: 🤭 save his shame at the dog park

Liam: kids’ll have no fear

Edie: all they’ll know is love and good times and fun

Liam: we should bury something other than 💀🦴 they can dig up when they’re not 👶

Edie: an actually cool time-capsule

Edie: just with all the things we want to show them, that they won’t remember, or happened before them

Edie: if we get the right storage, we could even bury the 📼s

Liam: yeah, we can do it right

Edie: why not us

Liam: we’re different, we already know it

Edie: you make different feel alright

Edie: well, better than actually but you know

Liam: if I can’t do this with you, I’ll never be able to do it, more pressure than 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 sorry, but if we’re keeping it real

Liam: this is the closest I’ve come to a rebooted 🧠 since it was fucked up

Edie: If we can’t we’ll just 💀💀

Liam: you promised you wouldn’t and I already should’ve

Edie: Then I can’t fail

Liam: you test too well

Edie: and we’ve got time

Edie: if you don’t feel it straight away

Edie: have to give me a fair chance yeah

Liam: I’m not just saying I’ll meet you bc I know you want to, that’s more of a chance than I’ve given anyone in years

Liam: and you can have all my time after if you ain’t decided you don’t want it, I’m not lying about handing it over to you either

Edie: The only way that would happen is if you were a massive disappointment

Edie: and I know you won’t be, so all I have to do is make sure I’m not

Edie: It’s going to work, I can feel it

Liam: [shows her that he’s been playing her songs over and over during this entire car journey because of course he has and also let’s pretend he’s rigged up some way of counting how often he’s watched those not blinking or breathing vids so he can show her that too bc he wants to feel something honey and he wants her to know]

Edie: 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Edie: I need to write you more

Liam: who sorts your shows for you, you should build on this hype

Liam: and give me a chance to see you perform live

Edie: I don’t have management, but I’ve done a lot of gigs with the same people at the same places so we kinda hook each other up, keep in the know

Edie: There is a show [a few days after his bday moment] in [a town a few over]

Edie: I weren’t sure if I could get there but we can, if you wanna see me

Liam: [deets of people he knows who might or might not be genuinely helpful for booking stuff and letting you play places cos might as well make use of all those connections boy]

Liam: cool, I’ll get us there, even if none of the @s I dropped on you go anywhere else longer term, but they should, you’re mindblowing

Liam: by next year they’ll have built a festival round you here and my dad will have to give camping a fucking rest

Edie: You’re actually incredible

Edie: No one ever takes my shit seriously

Edie: I mean family, friends, it’s just this fun thing I do to them

Edie: but you get it, there’s no alternative, I have to get this shit out, to say and show it

Edie: Only if he buys a 🎫 but he’s not getting VIP with you

Liam: I understand

Liam: nobody respects mine, which I get when there’s probably 45k off the thread running round with a camera and I ain’t got your talent with it

Edie: You do have talent though

Edie: but I respect it regardless

Edie: we have to make cool shit together

Edie: not just 👶👶👶👶👶👶👶

Liam: I’ll put together something to play behind you at the show, how long are you gonna be up there

Edie: it’s 15 if you’re lucky 10 if you’re not, so you need 5 songs prepped to go but you might only play 2 or 3

Liam: what songs, are you surprising me

Edie: [send him a list of 4 so clearly one is a surprise]

Edie: so you can compliment them with what you make

Liam: 🤩

Liam: wtf did I listen to before you hit me with your link

Liam: you’re fucking sick at this

Edie: idk but I can soundtrack your whole life now

Edie: all I can write rn is 🥰🥺 cos that’s how you’ve made me

Liam: I’m down but if we go with it you should probably have less 👶👶👶👶👶👶👶 to soundtrack the lives of

Edie: okay just one

Edie: the perfect 👶 with the perfect life

Liam: perfect bc she’s got your 👀 and 🧠 and 💓

Edie: so we might need to have two

Edie: I want them to be perfect like you

Liam: 👶👶 wouldn’t ruin you physically or musically, she can have a brother

Edie: 💕👦👧🐶🧒👱‍♀️💕

Edie: that feels good

Liam: I used to really want a 🐶 when I was younger and my ma got me one of those 🤖 ones, it's probably still barking in a box somewhere

Edie: Awh, we’ve gotta find him and free him!

Edie: I had so many weird robot toys but they’ve all been used for parts by now for sure 🤖💔

Liam: he's not been melted, gotta be some proof I felt things before

Edie: You did, you clearly did

Edie: when you talk about your sister, it shows

Liam: I'd offer to talk my dad about you and see what shows but he's too easy to trick

Liam: most people are if it stops at a convo

Edie: Not caring is more convenient

Edie: not even like people are trying to be bastards, but if they don’t know what to say or do then it’s easier to take you at that one convo and pretend

Liam: I don't remember him ever not being his own bonus level of crap, but it's like you said, nobody else is loads better

Edie: Did he stick around, when your sister got sick?

Liam: for a while, when hospital wards covered in shit like 🌞🌈🦋 wasn’t a fuck you and 👨‍⚕️👩‍⚕️ had answers he didn’t mind hearing

Edie: ‘til it got really real and really hard

Edie: gotcha

Liam: he’d show up with a 🎈 before the end so that makes it alright

Edie: 🤡 energy

Liam: ordered pennywise but charlie chalk showed

Edie: [sad clown noise voice note like womp womp]

Liam: [a video or pic of his dad like putting the tent up or something with that voice memo playing over and his eyes crossed out like miss you because bringing that detail back from when we first did these two]

Edie: [it’s a good detail, so we must, just adding some more detail like a red nose or whatever so you can have a lil back and forth here]

Liam: [add clown shoes or something boy because we love a cute back and forth, very JJ of you]

Edie: [not seeing those parallels for no reason later lmao, fully clownify this oblivious man soz not soz]

Liam: [honestly deserved I’d rather have an Ian than such a wet wipe of a person]

Edie: [tbh, wet hen]

Edie: you were not lying though, your da is so short

Liam: not lied about nothing

Edie: I’d never guess you were related

Edie: too bad for mine we look like him

Liam: I’ll ask for the 🎁 of a tube full of spit but he ain’t as happy to do what I ask as you are

Edie: Spoilsport

Liam: won’t be harder to be a better dad than him, however fucked I am

Edie: that’s the thing

Edie: it doesn’t even take that much

Edie: I could do it better now

Liam: I’d stay, even when it’s ugly or I don’t know what to do, I could make you that promise now before we’ve met

Edie: Me too

Edie: It’s like, the least you can do and loads don’t even do that

Liam: maybe I shouldn’t bother getting my 🖤 back, keep caring about nothing instead of only caring about myself

Edie: you’re not going to be like that

Edie: you weren’t before

Liam: how are you this sure

Edie: I don’t know how I just am

Liam: it’s gonna be the longest 4 days

Edie: [a timer you’ve made as you can]

Edie: 🥺

Edie: make him keep you busy, and I’ll keep busy with all the plans and surprises

Liam: I’ll keep busy thinking about finally seeing you

Edie: and watching the stream when you can

Edie: I’ll make sure it’s entertaining

Liam: let me know when you’re set up

Edie: I will, not home yet

Edie: hope my fam only embarrasses themselves in entertaining ways too if you see them

Liam: not calling you an 🚑 but I’m calling it you’ll steal every scene better than they do

Edie: 😇

Edie: I better

Liam: at most anyone else is gonna register to me as a shite ARG sound effect 👻🚪

Edie: That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said about my fam

Edie: they might disagree but that can be explained away as the wind or house settling noises

Liam: you’ve got my full attention, inexplicable at first but it’s making more and more sense

Edie: 🌌

Edie: Random or fate, I want it

Liam: there's nothing to convince you of

Edie: Nope

Edie: You’re perfect

Liam: I’m buffering bc I ain’t used to it but I don’t want you to ⏸⏹

Edie: I can 0.25 speed though

Liam: don’t

Edie: I 👂 you

Liam: seriously, I’m still here when I can’t work out what to say

Edie: I’d feel if you’d gone 👻

Liam: not a feeling you've gotta get used to, I'll stick with protecting you

Edie: Promise?

Liam: I've already committed to drinking whatever you wanna pass me and a drop of your blood ain't gonna make wine taste any worse but I dunno how you're gonna deliver it

Edie: You going to your dads 🏡 at all?

Liam: if I insist we’ve got to, to check the post

Edie: then do

Edie: no need to tell me his address though 🔎

Edie: it’ll be waiting

Liam: a drop, yeah ❌🧛‍♂️

Edie: it won’t be dripping out onto the carpet

Liam: the jumpscare my dad would get isn’t worth draining you

Edie: fake 🩸 for the scares only 🤞

Liam: there’s a bigger cliche that’d make this official whenever you want, but it’d only scare off the lads in your dms

Edie: do it

Liam: [idk how teens are making shit facebook official when facebook is dead but do something so people know you’re claiming her sir]

Edie: [probably a feed photo or something on insta I imagine, which would actually make you die because now it isn’t just private so clearly it’s not just a prank, han]

Liam: [yeah and probably also commenting on whatever she’s been posting lately in a way that’s obvious you’re a thing ™️ not just a fan of the bops]

Edie: [when I’ve already had to stop you saying ily, as if that’d be the wildest thing lmao but now truly 😖 we’re deffo crying wherever we are rn]

Edie: [do the same energy back because that’s your safest bet atm]

Liam: [loving imagining everyone’s IRL and online reactions tbh]

Edie: [it’s all the drama mick]

Liam: you’ll really have to skip big tesco now like

Edie: I’ll survive

Edie: you can forage for us 🌼🌿🍄

Liam: and if any families show up I’ll check their tents for 👶🐶

Edie: I bet there will be loads of cute 🐶🐶

Liam: when pick your fave out of the photo line up I’ll grab it

Edie: make sure it’s not a biter

Edie: you aren’t allowed to bleed out either

Liam: I dunno what being careful looks like, but to come home to you unhurt I’ll try copying what my dad’s doing

Edie: 🐒 see 🐒 do

Edie: evidence please

Liam: [all I can imagine is a David style wildlife documentary so do that please, soz not soz to his dad who is never gonna see this]

Edie: [that is literally exactly what I imagined too so yes]

Liam: [if the first time she hears his voice is when he’s doing a David impression though I will kms cos I think it is]

Edie: [lmaooooooooooooo oh you guys]

Liam: [keeping it #goals before JJ even exist as a couple byeeee]

Edie: [also the way we know your phone is blowing up right now, send the funnier ones through like]

Edie: 👀

Liam: [send the one from Lexie and the one from your mum for the very different but extra energies LOL]

Edie: Is she sOoOOoOOo happy for you

Edie: not your ma, obvs

Edie: missing those hands, barely

Liam: 😱 for you, I think she’s mixed you and the twins up and you’re 9 to her

Edie: 😒 She wishes I was

Liam: my ma is 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳 that’s honestly worse

Edie: I could be anyone, like

Liam: in russia

Edie: maybe she’s done some light stalking

Edie: not hard enough to find anything off-putting but enough to know I’m ‘real’ or whatever

Liam: done the ma version and asked her mates if any of their kids or kids mates know you

Edie: 🤞 no fuckers dobbed me in

Edie: prefer to make my own impressions, bad or otherwise

Liam: she don’t have many left who know what to say to her, you’ll be able to put either a good or bad word in for yourself

Edie: Did she go to any groups, during or after?

Liam: yeah, any of them gonna know you

Edie: nah

Edie: my ma did too but their timelines wouldn’t have overlapped

Edie: not saying they gotta go shop for hats right now

Liam: 🚫💍 with the 👶🐶 is it, you're gonna chuck me then

Edie: never 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Liam: she's been living in dubo since uni, she ain't gonna force us to march us down the aisle, but my ma's still northern irish enough to be pleased if we did

Edie: have you ever thought about it?

Liam: I had to when my sister brought it up, like loads of things I probably wouldn't have otherwise

Edie: You have time to think about everything important, that makes sense

Edie: what did she think about it? All the 👰💍🤵

Liam: it's on us, she couldn't think of anyone she'd accept a 💍 from

Edie: It is a pretty important part of it, when you really think about it

Edie: people who fantasize about it only think about the dress and the diamond and everyone staring at them

Edie: not the actual person they’re legally binding themselves to

Liam: she wasn't short of stares and you can wear what you want when you're dying 👑💎 everyday if you feel like it

Edie: Why not

Edie: though if you’re already sick of the stares

Liam: 👀 that weren't from a specific lad

Edie: What’s he doing now

Edie: he’d be out of school, right

Liam: [more deets than you should know or admit to knowing about this random boy years later because that's your brand]

Edie: She could do better

Liam: people are gonna be saying that about you

Edie: that you could, probably

Edie: I don’t care what they say

Liam: the lies they tell don't matter unless you think there's any truth to them

Edie: I believe you

Edie: and you say you want this

Liam: I can't do no better than you, Edie

Edie: There is no one else

Edie: even if I wasted my whole life looking from now, no one is topping you

Liam: even if you wanted to, I'm not gonna let you waste your life

Edie: I don’t

Edie: I want real and happy and you

Liam: this is real and I’ll keep you happy

Edie: I can’t wait to meet you

Edie: I don’t know how I haven’t seen you in person or heard you speak or all the things that come with it

Edie: I feel like I’ve known you forever

Liam: I should know more about you

Liam: what secrets are you keeping from the people who've known you forever, start there

Edie: Aside from the 💍👶🐶

Edie: Well, you know my dad is a dealer, yeah

Liam: I know he’s a dealer bc he’s supplied me at some raves and your dad bc people talk

Edie: Yeah, so the other’s dad is too, and they were raised together, which is like super fucked up of my ma, whatever

Edie: but if I’m getting stuff, I go to their dad and I hang out with him

Edie: he wants to be more involved, but they hate going to see him, it’s really sad

Liam: I’ve bought off him before too

Liam: don’t you wanna hang out with your dad

Edie: He’s not interested

Edie: And idk, I think my ma loved Caleb, but I don’t think she ever loved Drew

Liam: he don’t sound like he can love or be loved, anyone who could have you around and ain’t saying yeah to it is fucked

Edie: Maybe

Edie: his mum did leave him

Edie: I’d love to find her but there’s nothing to go on

Edie: Caleb is cool though, but they’d all be mad at me if they knew

Edie: Your turn

Liam: send me what there is and I’ll help you look, fresh 👀

Liam: my ma would be upset if she knew anything I’m up to

Edie: I feel that 😏

Edie: your secrets are safe with me

Edie: All I’ve got is a name, and when she was last seen, [give that info]

Edie: Maybe Caleb’s ma would know more, as she informally adopted them, but she also likes to pretend I don’t exist so

Edie: she’d not tell me

Liam: we don’t have to ask her, I’ll go round when she’s not in, see what there is to find

Edie: you’re so hot

Liam: what do you do when you’re hanging out with Caleb

Edie: smoke, usually

Edie: and ask him about when they were all kids, the cool shit they got up to

Liam: did he love your ma back

Edie: Yeah, they had the twins later so it definitely meant something

Edie: they’d probably be together but Billie’s ma had just died, it wasn’t good timing

Liam: have you ever tried to get them together again

Edie: not since I was a kid

Liam: now you’re not and you’ve got me, perfect timing for another go

Edie: you’d really help me?

Liam: yeah, you want happy and I said I’d keep you feeling it

Edie: [picture of your happy face ‘cos genuinely v overwhelmed]

Liam: [obvs put that as your phone background and show her and everyone else that it is]

Edie: [I definitely have a pic I can send you I wonder if there’s like a phone background generator ‘cos that’d be fun to do]

Liam: [oooh I hope so]

Edie: [If not we can change mine and screenshot fr though]

Liam: [unrelated but zeoob does fake tiktoks now btw so JJ and flatwhite energy will be even funnier]

Edie: [omfg, no way, gonna die]

Liam: [I haven’t found a background one yet though people be thinking I’m trying to design one for my phone, nay nay]

Edie: [yeah I don’t know how to search it either, we can just do it on mine though]

Edie: can I have a new one for mine?

Liam: [do send her one of the many pics of you I have where we’re on the grass]

Edie: I’ve never seen someone as cute as you

Liam: [send her her own pic back like HELLO look at you and this image]

Edie: you’re next level

Liam: your level but you completed it faster and unlocked more shit

Edie: [ARG where they make fake games as is a thing]

Edie: I wanna do this

Liam: so let’s do it

Edie: I’m home

Edie: just setting the stuff up and then I’ll storyboard as I stream

Edie: tune in when you can 💕

Liam: 🔁 bc you’ve said you’ll feel when I’m not

[stefano-and-obscura]

3, 5, 9, 20, 21, 22

I have two favorites, Stefano and Save Kitty!

With Stefano, I'd ask if he had a sketchbook detailing his art process, under the guarentee that I wouldn't become a part of his new art, and then I would ask him how babysitting Lily went, and what made him decide to quit working with Theodore.

Obviously he's probably going to give me the run-around with the answers, or stab me since I know a bit too much, lol.

With Save-Kitty, I'd cuddle him and kiss his widdle face and snuggle him and tell him he's such a good boi!

As a multi-shipper, this question pains me, but I'm going with Stefano x Juli!  They're both bi icons and honestly, I could see it working under certain circumstances, and at the very least Stefano having a crush, and maybe Juli too, but her being way too smart to actually date him.  

For crossover ships, its a tie between Stefano x Sombra and Stefano x Mark Jefferson.

The Stefano x Sombra ship is thanks to a dear friend of mine, @hacker-and-photographer who introduced me to the ship a long time ago, and when you think about it, it can work! Well, if you manage to find a way where one of them is in the other's timelines of course, heheh.

The Stefano x Mark ship was actually my first ever Stefano ship, it has roots in a deeply intricate  idea that my old friend and I came up with together, a  "Hey, what if we made a fan-game in the style of Life is Strange but with Stefano?"

That romance would have been a slow-burn, given that Stefano and Mark start out as aquaintences, and then through the choices of your actions, they could become best friends, enemies, lovers, ect.   I just wish that I had the money and resources *and* technological skill to actually pull off at least a animation of the two.

Stefano x Lily, and any ship regarding Lily in general. I've seen fanart of her being shipped with Leslie, and its just, please don't.

"SMOKE!? REALLY!?" and "RAWR!"  (From when he Surprise Motherfucker'd Lily.)

"I have entered my Crimson Period!"  To say that I snorted soda foam out my nose like a rabid dragon would be an understatement.  

I can't tell if that line was intentional, or the guy who wrote it didn't think about what it could also mean and just used a artist reference because it fit Stefano's 'art school bullshit.'    (In a way it almost ruined a intense moment from the game, because the first time it catches you so off-guard.)

The creepiest moment in the game? There's more than a couple that I find creepy, some not so obvious on first glance; those the ones that linger in your stomach when you think about just how creepy it really was:

The ghost woman is the one that is creepy right off the bat. When I watch playthroughs I have to take out my headphones because it sends ice down my spine.  

That creature that scuttles around in the grass before it attacks you-That's a yo ho ho and a bottle of goddamn nope from me!   I have a fear of tall grass as it is thanks to Jurassic Park, but with this thing, it only needs moderately tall grass, like a shark in shallow water.

Now, for the ones that you think about that gives me the creeps:

The part of the game where Theodore forces Sebastian to relive memories.  As someone who experiences nightmares and dreams that are basically memory playbacks, it's a very jarring and scary feeling.  Even when the dream is about a good memory, when you wake up from it it leaves you feeling sad and hollow. What makes this especially creepy though is that Theodore is attempting to brainwash Sebastian by repeatedly exposing him to the memories he'd rather not remember; someone who has seen what you're scared of, what hurt you, and using it against you; that's a major chink in your armor.   (It makes me wonder how far Theodore's memory assessment goes, if he can only use the strongest ones or if he could see them all.)

"Her fear is always inspiring-nothing like the corruption of innocence to spark the fires of creation."   

I know we all consider Stefano the better villain because he wasn't going to murder Lily (cough cough, Theodore) but there is something deeply unsettling about the fact he was going to mentally scar her, as long as it gave him inspiration.  We already see a small taste of this when he was chasing Lily around Union, and then jumpscared her.

To Lily, that is horrifying. She's being chased by a strange man she doesn't know when the world around her is collasping, she has no idea what he wants or what he's going to do to her, at her age especially that's beyond terrifying because she is absolutely helpless.

It doesn't help imagining how Sebastian must have felt, knowing that this man is a murderer and the very real possibility of him hurting Lily.

While it was in the trailer and not the game, you cannot tell me you didn't feel uneasy seeing Stefano take pictures of Lily when she was supposedly safe inside her room.  Even if this was done in Union, shouldn't there still be someone out there guarding Lily and making sure she's okay, or did Nutball McGee somehow secure a security position?

It's the act of being oberserved without your knowledge or consent, again, deriving from my current home environment where cameras are situated everywhere, and her bedroom of all places should be the safest place for her.

That's that, feel free to send in more questions!

[purplesurveys]

785

When was the last time you changed your opinion on somebody? A few days ago I found out that someone I probably know (but is anonymous) filed a complaint towards another person that I also know for acting indecently towards the complainant. I always knew that person had a...vibe, but I just didn’t know it was going to be the worst vibe possible. I never want to see them ever again because I might actually kick them. When did you last change your opinion on a situation? I haven’t changed my opinions in a while... literally what I can only remember is listening to a few Billie Eilish songs and accepting that she has some okay music lmaoooo, and this was a few months ago. Why did you last visit the doctor? My left eye was acting up so I wanted to have it checked before the lockdown that we all knew was going to happen. What was the last thing that made you feel proud and why? Finishing my thesis. Because duh, I actually did it? Do you like salt? Sure, it makes a lot of food more delicious.

Do you feel uncomfortable when people you hardly know confide in you? Honestly yes. I pride myself on being a good listener, but it doesn’t mean I’m comfortable with listening to everyone. I prefer keeping that opportunity to my close friends. I suppose it’s flattering when people I’m not close to see me as trustworthy, but if I had it my way I wish they went to another person instead. Have you ever regretted what you said in drunken conversation once sober? Sometimes. Is there anything coming up which you're dreading? I’m a little afraid of the period following graduation because it’ll be the first time in 18 years that I’m not in school, and it’ll be such a crazy transition. Let’s hope it doesn’t eat me alive. Anything you're looking forward to? Also the period after graduation, because yay adult life and independence and no more exams and stuff. Idk, lots of mixed feelings about it obviously. Do you ever do tedious tasks just to keep your mind occupied? Yes. It actually really helps and I like having things to do when there’s conflict or tension going on in my personal life. Have you ever lived with somebody with truly repulsive habits? Nah, I don’t think that about my family. Repulsive traits sure, but not habits. Do you tend to say things because they're appropriate not because you mean them?  Sometimes, and it’s usually to be polite and/or nice. It costs nothing to tell someone you like someone’s dress or makeup or shirt, and you can even help make their day. What was the last thing to perplex you? Probably some stupid, nonsensical thing Duterte said in one of his addresses. What was the last thing to fascinate you? I rewatched Beyoncé’s Homecoming on Netflix and everything about it fascinated me, as always. I will neverrrr get tired of watching her concerts; she always puts so much love and effort and soul into each show. What was the last thing to annoy you? I don’t feel like getting into it. When did you last work your socks off fruitlessly? A few months ago, in the earlier stages of making our thesis. Andrew and I would often bust our asses into the night, tweaking and researching and editing, and submit our work feeling proud of it only for it to be thrown back at us with a million comments and corrections in bloody red ink. I feel like we got a record number of sermons and unaccepted drafts compared to other students, so it just made me detached from my thesis altogether and in the end I mostly finished it for the sake of finishing it. I’m proud of finishing it of course, but I’m no longer passionate about it like I used to be, and I doubt I’ll ever bring it up in future conversations unless someone asks. When did your hard work last pay off? Today, in the final stages of our thesis. I really wish I loved it more, though. What is a word you hate? Grind makes me uncomfortable lol Do you have a favourite childrens book? Sure. If yes, what is it? Corduroy. I would go to the school library to read it almost everyday; I never got tired of it. I also really liked Tikki Tikki Tembo because his whole name was so fun to pronounce haha. When did you last feel a need to be alone? Last week when it rained and it was cold for the first time in months. The weather made me feel ~some type of way~ and I stayed in my room all day. I wasn’t sad, I really just wanted to savor the weather by myself. When did you last "need" to be around people? Right now. I’ve increasingly been feeling this way by the day.

Have you ever been in a job where you didn't fit in with your co-workers? Not a job, but this was me during my experience applying for a local chapter of an international youth org called AIESEC. I really thought I could fake my way in and I was adamant at first because I like what the org does and besides, AIESEC looks really good on a resumé; but it’s one of the rare times that even faking it didn’t cut it for me. I was miserable and no one talked to me every time I hung out in their lounge, and their org culture was so different from what I’m used to with my home org. I didn’t last long and I ghosted the application process after a month. What do you do to "expand" your mind? For me that’s always best achieved by trying out new things, so I make it a point to have brand-new experiences every time I can. When did you last REALLY want to go out but couldn't for whatever reason? LOL. March to present. Do you need a wee right now? I do not. Is there a certain noise/sound which scares you? Yeah, loud ‘DUN’ sounds that come with jumpscares, the Windows XP shutdown sound is also weirdly scary to me, and people yelling when they’re drunk. The last one particularly reminds me of fights at home. When did you last eat sweeties? Idk what you mean by sweeties, but the last time I had anything sweet was this afternoon when my dad made churros with a chocolate dip. Do you have a favourite micro-organism? No lol What was the last thing to upset you? The recent news about a wrestler, Shad Gaspard, who was reported missing after he got swept out to sea while at the beach with his family. He told rescuers to save his kid first, but they were never able to find him after. They tried to look for him for several hours but eventually, they called the search off and now he’s presumed to have died. It’s very sad and heavy and a lot to take in. He was one of my favorites growing up because he was in a hilarioussssss tag team with another guy, JTG, and both of them were always so entertaining. It sucks, and 2020 continues to suck. What was the last thing to make you happy? Like I said, I watched Homecoming earlier. Beyoncé always puts me in a better mood, so there’s that. Have you ever eaten chocolate for breakfast? Just hot chocolate. I’ve never eaten like a chocolate bar or anything similar. Do you like balloons? They’re admittedly fun, but I know they can also be harmful to the environment so I don’t buy or use them if it’s even remotely unnecessary to. Out of the people you know, whose birthday is next? Laurice. Does that person have any plans to celebrate their birthday? I’m sure their family has something planned out inside their house, but obviously they can’t celebrate by going out for now. Do you enjoy swimming? Yes. When will you next go to the beach? I have no clue. When at the beach do you like to swim in the sea? Ugh man. Awful timing for these questions... yeah I guess. But I don’t want to think about that now. If you have pet fish do you bother to name them? When I was a kid I did name each of my goldfish. Do you like adventure games like Monkey Island and Diskworld? No. Did you ever read the Terry Pratchet "Disk World" books? I did not. If yes to the question above, what are they like? Have you had to change a nappy lately? Nope, no babies around here. Would you like a holiday about now? Not really. It’s not like I can celebrate it or go for a vacation. What's stopping you from going on holiday right now?  So tired of saying it every time. If you know you know. Do you keep your eggs in the fridge? Yes, we do. Have you ever owned chickens? Nope. Super common to just see chickens running about the highway once you reach the province though hahaha. Do you like classical music? Some. I sometimes like listening to classical playlists when I study, but not always. When did you last listen to music? An hour ago. Have you ever seen "Canibal the Musical"? I haven’t. Are your breasts sore? Nopes.

[florrickandassociates]

TGF Thoughts: 3x10--The One About the End of the World

I did it, I wrote recaps for all of season 3. 

Oooh, this ep starts off with the credits.

This is the season 3 finale, but it’s not written by the Kings. Maybe they were busy with Evil at this point? As I’ve mentioned before, Evil is very good. I am NOT a fan of horror, but Evil works for me for several reasons. If you haven’t seen it, you might be imagining it’s full of jumpscares and gore. It certainly has its fair share of jumpscares and gore, but they’re not the point. The show’s definition of evil isn’t just demons… it’s radicalized misogyny and slavery and racial inequalities. And, as you might expect from a show written by the Kings, evil manifests itself in misuses of technology quite frequently. 

Honestly, I think I laugh more than I cover my eyes while watching. And, to be clear, I laugh because the show is funny. It’s quirky and bizarre, serious enough to be dramatic but light enough to be watchable.

It’s also got a central myth-arc (way more serialized and puzzlebox-y than TGW/TGF/Braindead) that’s as complicated as you want it to be. If you want to look for the hidden puzzle pieces (literal puzzle pieces!) you can. If you want to be an attentive but univested viewer, you’ll be able to follow the arc just fine. The arc itself is pretty simple and the Kings use recurring guest stars to build a web that pays off over the course of the season. So if you’re used to following a TV show with lots of guest stars-- and you all are, since you’re viewers of TGF-- the mytharc isn’t going to demand a lot of effort to follow. 

Speaking of guest stars, you WILL recognize at least one familiar face per episode. And if you pay attention to the credits, you’ll recognize the names behind the scenes, too. I love it when showrunners collaborate with the same people over and over-- it makes me think they’re good to work with and look out for their friends. 

Just finishing up the most recent season of Younger before I jump into writing this and there was a Liza/Charles scene giving me MAJOR Alicia/Peter in Death of a Client vibes, mostly because of her hairdo. Then I realized: both scenes were DEFINITELY filmed in the same place. I love it. 

Confession: I don’t actually remember anything about this ep, except for the very end.

Kurt was working from home! He was prepping for 2020.

Oh we saw Julius leave the firm to become a judge? And here I thought it was a spoiler he was in a robe in the s4 trailer.

There is talk of making Lucca a partner! Yes! There’s also discussion of someone named Rosalyn, who I’m sure is great but also, have you met Lucca Quinn? But in all seriousness, if the writers want me to truly believe there’s another associate who can rival Lucca, they have to show it to me.

I do believe the partner who says Rosalyn would be better for the culture of the firm than Lucca, though. Lucca hasn’t shown herself to be that invested in getting to know her colleagues (aside from the two white girls), and I think (not sure though) Rosalyn is the one we’ve seen speaking up the last several episodes. 

Jay is going to dig into Book Club more, and I cannot wait until this is gone.

Cookies shouldn’t have photorealistic faces on them. 

Did they REALLY hire white guys for the mailroom because that consultant said to?

There is a very angry former client of RBL asking for more money from Julius. Blum put him up to it. Go away, Blum! 

Now there’s a lawsuit to make it seem like RBL is exploiting all the police brutality victims they’re represented. This is part of Blum’s plot.

Diane accidentally answers a call from Marissa, so Marissa gets to hear all the gossip about salaries and partnerships.

Now there’s weird lightning. Not in the clear yet! 

Oh RIGHT, there was that FaceTime defect. I forgot about it. 

Lucca doesn’t want to know what Marissa heard, but she’s happy to hear more once Marissa’s started the conversation. 

Is it possible for a man to say “ladies, we’ll get to you” in a work setting without sounding sexist? I don’t think it is.

Casually sexist judge likes Blum. 

Oh hello Maia. Blum says Maia became “disgusted and quit” after seeing RBL’s methods. Well, that’s a lie. You’d know it was a lie even if we hadn’t seen Maia get fired, because in order for Maia to know the firm’s methods she would have to do work. (OKAY I WILL STOP BUT THIS IS THE LAST EPISODE WHERE I CAN MAKE JOKES AND I’M GONNA MISS MY PUNCHING BAG A LITTLE BIT)

Maia is using her mom’s name and carrying the portfolio Diane gave her, just to throw Diane off.  

Diane confronts her about it and asks if this is retribution. Maia says it’s just “lawyering.”  Maia could have gone to any other firm-- like, even Canning’s firm-- and I would’ve thought she had a point. I would say trying to throw Diane off is mean but no worse than what others have done. But Blum is so hateful and malicious Maia has no ground to stand on. 

Maia says she’s coming after RBL because they’ve done wrong. She sounds like she’s convinced herself-- or maybe she’s gotten that good at lying. (It is telling that so many former clients would be willing to join this suit, though-- Maia isn’t wrong about that)

Show title spoken alert!

I am pretty sure the Diane/Maia scene right there is one I would have ripped Diane to shreds for if it had been her vs Alicia, and Blum wasn’t involved, because Maia’s being very practical (Blum is out to screw you; I am here for the clients) and Diane is on her high horse. Hell, maybe I’d even take Maia’s side if we got Blum out of the picture. But I hate him. And Maia’s on this case because Blum said so. She’s running his firm and working with all his clients; this one just happens to have a way to spin as doing good. 

Kurt has to intro 45 and is drafting a speech. Diane doesn’t know yet, so she thinks his scribbled “the last two years have been amazing/brought me a new optimism” are about her. She finds out the real meaning for the scribbles and leaves the room.

Blum’s here again. I hate him. 

Also RBL may have caught Blum and turned him in to the ACDB but Blum got disbarred all on his own by doing disbarrable shit repeatedly and knowingly. 

Lightning balls. Weird. 

Lucca asks Jay how she’s thought of. I feel like if you have to ask that question you’re probably not thought of as an integral part of the culture. This is a smart thing to show as Lucca’s weak spot. She’s never liked making friends. Lucca also worries she’s “not black enough” for the firm.

“Everyone likes you. Just, a lot of the associates think you never hang out,” Jay says. “So it’s high school? I don’t care about being popular. Who has time to hang out?” Lucca responds. That’s the problem, right there! Maybe this isn’t such a thing at RBL, but where I work, the partners always make a point of greeting everyone, sticking around at happy hours, etc. Part of their job is to create the culture. RBL doesn’t seem to have that culture, but I absolutely understand why some of the partners want it to. 

And the “not black enough” comment is coming at least in part from Lucca’s tendency to surround herself with all the white characters when she does socialize. 

“I do not have to prove myself to anyone, or perform what they think black should look like. This is 2019. I’m not playing this stupid fucking game,” Lucca responds. She’s right, I think, but I would also be curious to hear other perspectives. This situation feels pretty nuanced to me in that I think it can simultaneously be true that Lucca can act however she wants and shouldn’t be judged or typed for it AND that there’s a somewhat strong case against Lucca as a partner because of her engagement with her coworkers.

Does the fact that I like Evil!Maia so much mean I secretly liked Maia all this time??? 

Jay asks Marissa to help him create more diverse happy hours. And then it’s time for them to confront Book Club. Jay’s got some intel on Rochelle, who’s legit enough to have done polling for Eli. Overcharging a client 30% for a focus group seems like maybe not a big enough deal to blackmail someone with, but Jay tries!

Rochelle isn’t having it and tells Jay and Marissa, basically, that she’s going to escalate things. 

Oh there are very many guns in Diane and Kurt’s bedroom suite thing. 

Diane winds up writing Kurt’s speech for him by bullshiting. Kurt knows it’s bullshit. Diane’s writing a parody but it’s also not parody at all. “A parody but it’s also not parody at all’ is also true of the mindfuck that’s been the last four years. 

Jay ends up doing drawings of cartoon animals to be used in court because the judge can’t understand anything complicated. One cartoon is Judy Giraffe, who may share a name with the toy Andrew Wiley’s kids had in late season 6 (but I’m too lazy to look it up and see if I’m right about that).

This also may just be Zootopia. 

LOL there’s ASMR happening now. I could explain why but it’s more fun if I don’t. 

This scene is hilariously over the top. 

Maia was 12 in 2000. I feel like that’s inconsistent with other timelines we’ve been given but whatever. 

Lucca awkwardly tries to socialize. Lucca immediately misspeaks by saying she thinks Obama probably wished that for one day he didn’t have to be “the black president” and her colleagues freeze up and push back.

Marissa then shows up and the scene ends. Awkward. 

Now Blum’s hired actors to be disruptive in court. Ridiculous. I hate Blum. That said, this isn’t really any lower than Diane’s ASMR shenanigans. 

Blum is singing now, goodbye. 

I FORGOT ABOUT THE CORRUPT JUDGE ADRIAN WAS FUCKING.

So much COTW in this ep. Remember how it used to have meaning when the regulars got called to the stand? Like, I know this is technically character driven drama but it’s nowhere near as engaging as last episode’s internal investigations.

Rosalyn comes into Lucca’s office: she knows they’re up for the same partnership, and understands that’s why Lucca came to drinks. Rosalyn was informed by one of the partners, and as much as I like Lucca, Rosalyn is making quite a good case for herself by handling herself so professionally here. She comes to Lucca once she realizes the partners are pitting them against each other, “because that’s what people do to the black girls.” I want to hear more of what Rosalyn is about to say, but she’s cut off by BALL LIGHTNING. What the fuck? Now the power is out. 

Rosalyn thinks it’s the end times. The red skies do suggest that. Lucca is unconvinced. 

Diane pays Maia a visit. “So, you got what you wanted. A corner office,” Diane says. Had Maia expressed this wish? Or is Diane mocking her?

Maia says she knows what she’s getting with Blum, and “sometimes that’s better.” She isn’t wrong. But it’s BLUM. 

Diane offers Maia her job back. No, PARTNERSHIP at RBL. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. It’s hilarious enough in isolation, but the thought of Maia getting partnership over Lucca or Rosalyn (who both seem very deserving) makes it even worse. I think half of their staff would quit if Maia was made partner. 

It’s more money and Maia is skeptical. She (wisely) guesses that she’d be forced out after six months, but Diane (has she talked to any of the other partners about this?) says that wouldn’t happen. “You’re trying to buy me out of my case,” Maia FINALLY realizes. Well, I guess it makes sense she’d believe she was actually deserving of a partnership after two years of half working. 

Diane says it’s also because she impressed Adrian. Lol, okay. If that’s what it takes to make the suit go away.

Maia says she’ll think about it and asks Diane if it’s weird that they’ve ended up in this spot. Diane says yes and smiles.

Blum overheard the whole thing, naturally. He tells Diane that Maia won’t go with her. Now he is singing. Why is he singing. Why won’t he stop singing.

Liz does not like that Adrian and Corrupt Judge are friends. Why is Corrupt Judge here?

Diane watches Kurt awkwardly avoid clapping while standing directly behind 45. It is very funny and Diane enjoys it. Kurt is then removed from the audience, which leads Diane to say “Kurt, my God, I love you.” The incident makes the news almost instantly.

This Good Fight short has the characters in it. I imagine there’s a non-zero chance we get an animated, musical S4 wrap up given that they had to halt production. 

It’s weird there’s a short that says the season is over, followed by another scene.

Lucca and Marissa discuss how Maia got the partnership offer. Why would Diane or any of the partners let that slip?! “Two black girls are up for the job and they give it to the white girl,” Lucca says. Marissa’s surprised she’s not angry, but Lucca explains-- she knows Maia’s not going to take it. Marissa thinks Maia will, but Lucca understands that Maia’s moved on. 

Lucca no longer cares about the partnership because she’s realized “the best thing is to not care.” It’s almost like she was friends with Season 7 Alicia, who said this like twice an episode. 

Then Marissa and Lucca drop acid in the office because the world is ending, I guess. 

Didn’t the s1 finale also do this end of the world thing? A less apocalyptic version.

I think this Diane and Adrian scene may be a callback to that finale.

Diane posits that love and hope will get us through the endtimes.

Aaaah the case is still happening but I’m SO CLOSE to being done with season 3. I still love what TGF is doing, but its central devices and plots for season 2 worked so much better.

RBL wins! Diane notes that Maia hasn’t responded to their offer. Does that mean someone is still considering giving Maia a fucking partnership even though the case is closed? HA. 

Maia points this out and Diane insists they really want Maia home. This is probably the worst judgment I’ve ever seen Diane have? She wants to bring her goddaughter who is three years out of law school on as a partner at her firm, OVER two extremely qualified black women? Even if Maia were truly the best lawyer ever, the optics alone are bad enough to make Maia a terrible choice.

Maia decides, instead, to head for D.C. with Blum. She gets in an elevator and sucks on a fentanyl lollipop, which, sure, why not? I think they offer her partnership purely so we the viewers can see she’s choosing to emulate Blum and she likes it. 

BYE BLUM!!!!!!!!!! BYE MAIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I won’t really miss either of you, but also, what am I going to write about when I can’t complain about Maia? 

And we’re back in the opening moments of the premiere, which, as it turns out, were a flashforward to this moment in which Kurt and Diane get SWATted seconds after Diane announces she’s happy and Kurt asks what could go wrong. I hope they’re both ok because I won’t be able to deal if they do anything to Kurt. (Or Diane but I’m less concerned about them killing her off lol.)

That’s a wrap!